People Tell Their Unbelievable 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Confronting My Partner's Best Friend About Her Constant Negativity?
“I’ve (M21) been seeing my partner “Lily” (F20) for just over a year and she’s always had this best friend “Amy” (F20).
They’ve known each other since they were 4, grown up together, and have always been best friends. She had a problem with me when I started seeing Lily but she never gave a reason. Lily and I have always had a happy relationship and were friends before we started seeing each other, but I didn’t know Amy until we got together.
To my knowledge, she’s been single for a while and I’ve always kind of got the impression that she’s jealous of Lily, but Lily doesn’t see it like that. Amy picks on what she wears, and how her hair is, occasionally suggests to her that she’s overeating, little stuff like that.
It’s always annoyed me. Amy’s always made comments to Lily about how she thinks I’m too close with some of my friends who are girls and that I’m not right for her.
Yesterday Lily decided that it was time for me and Amy to form a blossoming friendship and so we all went to a bar together.
When we got there she asked Lily why she was wearing the skirt she was because it “really isn’t flattering”. She looked stunning. I didn’t say anything to Amy at that point, so I went and got the first round for us all. When Lily went to buy herself a soda a while later (she said she’d drive) Amy commented on why I wasn’t paying for her drinks.
I decided I didn’t want to keep my mouth shut anymore and told Amy that she needed to get a life and stop worrying so much about our relationship. She kind of looked shocked and was like “What do you mean” so I told her that the side comments were not nice and that she was being a bad friend.
We all went back to our respective places after. Lily said I was too harsh and that Amy was her best friend and I needed to respect that. She also said that Amy had been having a hard time recently and should probably apologize to her.
I know I could have worded it better or taken her aside to chat about it but I was just done with the whole thing and don’t think Lily deserves to be treated like that. AITJ? Should I say sorry to Amy just to smooth things over?
Thanks for any help”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think it is gonna matter what you do Amy is not happy about the relationship and it will always be a battle between you two. If you apologize make sure you do it in front of Lily or she will hear a different story than what occurred. If Amy makes snide comments about Lily’s looks/dress say, Lily looks pretty darn beautiful to me.
Just put a positive spin on comments back to Lily, it doesn’t matter that Amy needs to put Lily down as long as you are lifting her.” MrsNobodyspecial67
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do NOT apologize. She’ll smugly feel that Lily sided with her over you.
And will feel empowered to keep it up. Lily needs to know *why* you said it to Amy… does she? That you were frustrated Amy constantly makes digs at her. Give her examples. Especially the unflattering skirt. How untrue they are, that the constant jibes bother you. Tell Lily the comments Amy’s made about you are offensive, it seems like she’s trying to make Lily think you’re untrustworthy.
Talk… to… Lily. She needs to know how you feel. She won’t believe you. But it will open her eyes when Amy does it in the future. Because if you say nothing, Amy eventually will break you two up. She’s definitely jealous. ” OceanBreeze_123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those backhanded compliments are part of the chaos that your partner has grown used to in their dynamic. Lily may have some insecurities that Amy knows about & her narcissistic personality must be exploited because she’s no longer getting the attention she was.
You blowing up is the reaction she was after because Lily just gray-rocks her. You’re just going to have to tell her what is going on. Research & use those terms ( I learned them from years of therapy because I was born into chaos)then you’ll just have to tell Lily to keep Amy away from you.
It hurts you to see anyone disrespect her that way. If she’s fine with it then so be it. You, on the other hand, will no longer tolerate it. So keep Lily separate from you. You’ll see where her priorities are” NTAHN01
22. AITJ For Refusing To Intervene In My Adult Daughters' Arguments?
“My daughters “Lizzie” and “Maggie” are opposites. The girls have never gotten along and forcing them together would only result in fights. I made them learn to be civil while doing small things together while being civil but otherwise made sure they had their space.
Lizzie in particular has always been headstrong and not afraid to speak her mind. I always tried to teach her about appropriate ways to speak her mind and when/who to have tact with. But, as I said, Lizzie is a very opinionated person and, even with the counselor’s recommendations, my efforts had little impact.
Lizzie has recently developed a rude attitude towards her family. Our family does not find it cute, and most members will simply tell her to leave or not reply back. When I brought it up to her, Lizzie just made statements to the effect of “I’m an adult, I can say what I want.” Because she pays her bills, there’s nothing more I can do.
Lizzie came calling me recently because she had been making mean comments about Maggie, and Maggie responded by taking a jab at Lizzie. Lizzie claimed her comments were a joke, but Maggie took it too far, her sister can’t be saying these things, and I should talk to Maggie about it.
I refused and reiterated what I’d already said before to Lizzie: She’s an adult and can say what she wants. But when you try to start something, don’t be surprised when the other person bites just as hardback Maybe others would bite their tongues when she was a kid, but people won’t hold back anymore now that she’s an adult.
Lizzie tried to say that Maggie’s comments were out of line, but I told her that asking me to get involved was just childish. They’re both living on their own and in their twenties. Far too old for me to be mitigating their arguments like children.
If they choose to interact with one another, they need to learn to work out their disputes like adults.
Lizzie is still upset at me, saying Maggie took it too far and what she said was beyond any line. But, as I said, this behavior is childish and both my girls have proven through their careers and independence that they’re above it.
Neither are under my roof anymore, and it’s not my responsibility to mitigate their fights anymore. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Seems like Lizzie is stuck in a mean girl phase and she’s going to find out fairly quickly that other adults, be they friends, family, or strangers, aren’t going to put up with her nonsense.
If she doesn’t curb her attitude it’s most likely going to go beyond poor familial relationships; she’s going to lose jobs, opportunities, friendships, romantic relationships, etc. It seems that your other daughter finally giving her a taste of her own medicine has had more of an impact than ignoring her or asking her to leave.
Good for Maggie. Maybe y’all should be giving some of that same energy to Lizzie. Sometimes they need to experience what they are inflicting to gain a crumb of empathy.” Legitimate_Essay_221
Another User Comments:
NTJ, and great on you for having boundaries and letting your adult children be adults, it’s rare here, but very refreshing.
But I’m dying of curiosity about what each said to the other. But from what it seems, Lizzie is a mean girl who feels entitled to say what she wants and doesn’t like it when others respond in kind. She “can dish it but can’t take it”.
I despise people like that.” Hufflepuffknitter80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did your best to teach them civility between each other as youngsters–maybe you could’ve done better, I mean probably, as parents we try our best and will mess up regardless–but now they are adults and need to take responsibility for their own decisions.
Sounds like Lizzie either can dish it out but can’t take it, or is extremely oblivious to the nonsense she says and the impact it has on others. Props to Maggie for not lying down and taking it.” CarbonationRequired
21. AITJ For Yelling At My Nana To Not Touch Me While Driving?
“So I’ve had my learner’s license for around a month now and I’m getting a bit more confident driving. I’d had one lesson with a proper instructor before this happened and usually my mum teaches me.
My nana likes to tell all of us grandkids that she’s the most amazing driver because she taught all her kids to drive, but my mum tells me that it was my grandad who taught them to drive. My nana is also probably in the early stages of dementia.
One day last week, my nana took me and my little cousin to an ice cream place for lunch and ice cream (obviously). I’ve noticed lately that her driving is getting pretty reckless (pulling out in front of people, almost rear-ending people, running a red light, and almost hitting a pedestrian) and it made me feel pretty unsafe being in a car with her driving.
Anyway, as we were just about to go home, a cop pulled her over for dangerous driving or something, maybe speeding, and told her not to drive. My Nana was furious and refused to drive, even refusing to give the cop her license so eventually I just offered to drive because I had my license, and technically my nana is a supervisor.
I got in the driver’s seat and was going pretty well except for my nana complaining and venting. The drive was maybe 1/2 an hour and the whole time my nana wouldn’t stop talking about how stupid the cop was and how she’s perfectly fine to drive.
Eventually, she ended up trying to get me to agree with her, but I struggle with driving and talking to someone else, so I kind of just said “Yeah I guess”. She kept badgering me, and I was getting overwhelmed because I’d only been driving for like a month and it was very busy on the road.
Then my nana kind of grabbed my arm because she wanted me to look at her and I just pushed her hand off me and yelled “Please do not touch me while I’m driving!”
She was shocked and my cousin was too, and then we were all in silence for the rest of the drive.
When we got to my house, she told my mum that I’d yelled at her, and then my mum told me I should’ve just calmly told her to stop, but she grabbed my arm that was on the steering wheel.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you are an accomplished driver, anybody who’s yanking your arm while you’re steering is endangering you, herself, and others. Also, this sounds very much like early dementia. My mother was an excellent driver, and the first thing that I noticed that was off was that her driving deteriorated. A few months later she went for tests, and yes, it was Alzheimer’s.
She needs to see a doctor, and she shouldn’t drive anymore – at all.” KarinSpaink
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you may want to call your driver’s license bureau (whatever they call it where you are) and let them know that she is an unsafe driver.
They won’t instantly revoke her license, but what they will do is demand that she take an actual driving test the next time it’s up for renewal. If that happens and she’s as bad as you say she is, she is unlikely to pass it.
Then she’s off the road and no one in your family has to take the heat.” LuckOfTheDevil
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for yelling. That’s a natural reaction to being grabbed. Your nana needs her license taken away. She’s going to get someone injured or killed. In that vein going forward refuse to ride in the car with her anymore. Your safety is more important than her pride. And don’t let her “teach” you how to drive. She wasn’t supervising you like she should have and it’s pure luck you didn’t get into an accident under her so-called supervision. Especially when she wanted you to look at her and not the road. If you can anonymously report her to your local DMV. Hopefully, she will be required to retake the test to keep her license. Having dementia means she’s an unsafe driver and her children are being negligent in not getting her license taken away.” ApprehensiveBook4214
20. AITJ For Skipping Thanksgiving With My Husband's Family Due To Health Reasons?
“I’m a 23-year-old mother of two, and I’ve been married to my 25-year-old husband for four years. We found out we were expecting our daughter just a week before our wedding, and I became a mom at a young age. Throughout her early years, I was in college, which led to a lot of stress, and I often felt overwhelmed if things didn’t go according to plan.
I had her on a strict schedule, and because of the anxiety it caused, I avoided traveling to family gatherings, even for the holidays.
My husband’s family is fairly close by, with his parents living 20 minutes away, his aunt 2.5 hours away, and the rest of the family scattered 4-6 hours away in another state.
Last year, I worked hard in therapy to manage my anxiety and overstimulation, and I was proud to make progress. I even agreed to travel five hours for Thanksgiving, despite being seven weeks pregnant with our second child at the time.
Unfortunately, things took a turn when we got home.
I developed a DVT in my leg and a pulmonary embolism. I was hospitalized with severe heart complications and was put on blood thinners, which I’ve been on since December. This past July, I gave birth to our son, and two weeks ago, I was diagnosed with a condition where my vein is compressed against my spine, meaning I’ll be on blood thinners for life.
I’ve been advised to avoid sitting for more than an hour and to wear special compression garments that extend to my stomach.
Given these health issues, I told my husband’s parents well in advance that I couldn’t travel for the holidays this year, and they were understanding at the time.
I even offered to host Thanksgiving at our home, which we moved into in March. My mother-in-law initially said she would check with the family, but now they’ve decided to hold Thanksgiving at his aunt’s house (the halfway point for everyone). Despite my earlier conversations, my mother-in-law has told everyone we would probably attend, even though I made it clear I can’t travel.
My husband’s family is very close-knit, and they get upset when someone doesn’t attend family gatherings, which is quite different from my own family’s dynamic, where missing an event is no big deal. I even suggested that my husband could go without me and the kids, but it seems people are annoyed with my decision to stay home with our young children.
AITJ for skipping Thanksgiving with my husband’s family this year?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. These people sound very inconsiderate. Especially mother-in-law. This isn’t something that is just on lark. It’s doctor’s orders. Hubby needs to lay down the law on this. Letting him go is a very reasonable compromise.” Scenarios
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Do not ruin your health for people who don’t value your health.” armomo3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s more than a little disturbing that they aren’t more understanding given the health issues you face. I’m hoping that your husband will be in your corner about this and deal with their disappointment.
You shouldn’t have to defend your very good reasons for not traveling.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Not Visiting My SIL's Baby More Despite My Struggle With Infertility?
“My husband and I live in a different country than we were raised in.
One of his sisters lives here with her husband.
We have had several miscarriages and are still suffering from infertility. SIL got pregnant right away.
SIL and I have never been particularly close. We’re friendly, and she worked for me briefly when she first got married. When she had been married about 3 months she came to me nervously to tell me she was pregnant, and that she knew that might be hard for me, given my situation.
It was and I had to limit how much I saw her outside of work because I had a really hard time with the pregnancy, and knowing I would need to be involved with the baby when he came.
She had a successful home birth but the baby later had complications that required him to be in PICU for 21 days.
We came to visit once a week, which was the most we could manage with our schedule (I work 8-7 Sun-Thurs, DH works 9-6). Most days I hardly have energy to eat at the end of the day. To top it off, I came home and sobbed for hours after every visit to the hospital, as I do in most situations involving small babies.
Knowing that we weren’t able to come as much as they would like, we stayed in contact via text to see how they were doing.
SIL’s ILs came in, stayed in their house, sat with the baby in the hospital, and did some grocery shopping.
Because we live in an anon-Englishh speaking country MIL was having some difficulty shopping. I offered to be available by text and video chat to help identify items. SIL had a postpartum doula cooking for her, so the groceries were not necessary to make sure they were fed.
SIL is still mad at me (almost a year later)for not coming to visit enough, not going with her MIL to the grocery store (I don’t go to the grocery store for my groceries), and not being around to visit more when the baby was released from the hospital.
We have apologized that we weren’t able to support them in the way they needed and explained some of what was going on behind the scenes for us. This has not improved the relationship, and she brings it up as proof that we don’t love her or the baby.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she needs to get over herself that she didn’t get enough attention from someone who she’s not even close to. Let her be mad. You can refuse to engage with her on the topic. Leave, say “k,” say “it’s funny/weird that you think that.
Anyway, topic change,” etc.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but why is she not mad at your husband, her brother? Why is it your job to translate grocery items for your husband’s sister’s husband’s mom? ETA: I’m surprised they allowed visitors that often for PICU babies.
Usually, visitation is very limited due to exposure concerns.” sleepy965
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Weekly visits for someone you’re not close with IS a lot. It sounds like your SIL expected you to make her and the baby the focus of your lives, which was never going to be a reasonable expectation.” Kettlewise
18. AITJ For Bringing My Service Dog To A Family Meal Despite My Uncle's Disapproval?
“I (17M) went out to eat a couple of days ago with my grandparents, aunt, and uncle. I rode in my grandparents’ car with my dog, who is a fully trained service dog for me. When we arrived, we parked, and my grandpa got my grandma’s things ready while I took my service dog, Lightning, to a grassy area to see if he needed to go.
About 10 minutes later, my aunt and uncle showed up. As I was walking back toward them, my uncle got out of the car, saw my dog, and immediately freaked out. He told me I should leave my dog in the car because he doesn’t like dogs, even though he’s not allergic.
He asked my grandparents why I brought my ESA, and I corrected him, saying, “Service dog, not ESA.” He started yelling and being rude, so I said, “Uncle, if you don’t like that I need to have my service dog with me, maybe you should go home.” He didn’t like that response, but we all went into the restaurant anyway.
At our table, my dog was lying by my chair, out of the way, taking a nap on the blanket I bring for public places. We ordered food and drinks, but my uncle kept making rude comments. I ignored him because I knew I had every right to be there.
After we got our food, my dog stood up and put his head in my lap—his way of alerting me to stress or anxiety. My uncle immediately started complaining again, saying my dog was begging for food, even though Lightning wasn’t interested in the food at all.
His full attention was on me, and I explained that to my uncle. He kept being rude, and eventually, I walked to the bathroom. My dog, who rarely does this, jumped up on me. I sat on the floor, and he laid across my legs until I felt better.
After about 10 minutes, I returned to the table.
My grandparents paid for their meals, my uncle paid for his and my aunt’s, and we all left. AITJ for telling my uncle I wouldn’t leave my dog in the car?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you have a service animal, your uncle has no right to tell you where you can & can’t take it.
Sounds like he was ruining the meal for your entire party, not just you. I don’t understand why your grandparents or aunt didn’t intervene.” GingerWhoDrinksTea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ And I probably have mentioned that your uncle was triggering the medical condition which was why the dog was alerting.
If he stopped shouting, you’d be less stressed and the dog wouldn’t need to do their job. Sounds like you need your dog around your uncle. Also leaving any dog in a car is dangerous.” Timely_Egg_6827
17. AITJ For Being Upset About My Husband's Orchid Gift For Our Anniversary?
“It was our anniversary (mind you, it’s been 9 years) and my husband came home with an orchid and a pot as a surprise gift. I honestly couldn’t contain my slight disappointment at this gift. I don’t have a great green thumb but I do have a personality that tends to fixate on a lot of things (to the unhealthy point that it consumes me) and I never give things up easily.
Any green thumber would know that orchids are a tough flower to take care of. They need specific bright and indirect light, need to water twice a week (which is so not happening given my schedule), and need to be potted in a specific bark and moss soil.
With the last orchid that was given to me as a gift last year, I complained openly about how stressful it has been to care for a plant like this one and it eventually died on me. It was depressing. My husband being the only person I would actively complain to would know that I for one did not want another orchid in my life.
But of all of the things he could purchase, he comes home with an orchid.
On top of that, the orchid is not even potted. It’s in an airtight plastic cup with no soil. At least, he bought me a pot to go with it but expected me to figure out how to report this sucker.
He left the price tag on both items so I know he paid some exorbitant price for this and we have been currently trying to save our finances. I get that he was trying to do something out of the blue and nice but knowing myself full well, keeping this plant alive is going to be the only thing on my mind for the next couple of months.
He obviously could tell that I wasn’t thinking too fondly of the gift so he asked what the problem was. I sort of told him that while I appreciated the gift, I thought the gift wasn’t well thought-through. He was visibly upset, reasonably so. I feel like such a jerk.
And there goes our anniversary.
AITJ for being ungrateful over this gift?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’ve seen other comments saying “Oh, taking care of an orchid isn’t that hard,” but I don’t think that matters. The point is that getting one as a gift stressed you out last time and then he went and bought you the stress-causing gift after you stated you didn’t want one again.” OhYayItsPretzelDay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you’ve made it clear that you didn’t want something like this in the past and it was expensive at a time when you’re trying to save money, that’s kinda on him for not listening. The gesture isn’t meaningless but impact matters as much as intent.
You made yourself pretty clear and he got upset despite him having not listened to you previously.” HeloRising
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am an orchid lover. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE TELLING YOU THEY ARE EASY. They are not your thing, that’s fine.
They are not always easy, they are slow growing, and it takes a long time to get any rewards from them. I want to give bf the benefit of the doubt here, how long ago did he get you the previous orchid? Is it possible he simply forgot how stressful it was for you and just grabbed it because he thought it was pretty?
I almost want to say No jerks here if that’s the case. Put the plant outside by the sidewalk. Chances are it will find a home with a neighbor. ‘Bag babies’ or orchids wrapped in plastic are notorious rehab cases. You don’t need that kind of stress.” Lady-Faye
16. AITJ For Yelling At My Mom After She Refused To Let Me Stay Home Due To A Migraine?
“I (17F) am in high school, I’m an honor student, I never miss a day, rain or sun or whatever, I study a lot and sleep very badly because I depend on coffee to stay awake, or I doze off in afternoons and therefore, can’t study or keep up with the assignments teachers give off.
Because of my dependence on caffeine and less-than-ideal study plans, I deal with constant migraines, though, I manage, except for today— you know those migraines that pulsate through your head and feel like you’re having internal bleeding? It was one of those. My classroom is particularly loud and the between-class breaks aren’t any better, the nurse’s office wasn’t open, and even if it was, I knew I needed a doctor’s note to request medicine.
I couldn’t learn anything, and with a test coming up, I messaged my mother (55F) that I wanted to go back home, get some sleep, and then study in the afternoon, she vehemently refused and told me to ‘chug down some coffee and stay’. Of course that didn’t work, I spent 4 more hours in pain, crouched up at my desk and unable to do, well, anything, when I got home, took a nap, and confronted my mother about how insensitive that was of her, she began to tell me a migraine is ‘nothing’ and she’d only let me skip school if I fainted on my desk or something of the sort, said it was my responsibility and she wouldn’t raise a ‘whiny, childish girl who can’t stand some pain’ and how she endured all that and ended up ‘just fine’.
I yelled at her and told her it was like she cared more about school than me. (It wasn’t the first time I had to endure discomfort or pain during school.) And how all she did was make it worse, she told me if I was in such pain I should cut out talking to my friends or doing my hobbies for a few days, and, on impulse, I said I despised her attitude towards me, she walked out on me, and now, if I were to try and sleep more to recover, I wouldn’t be able to do my assignment for tonight + all the chores I have to do.
I feel really bad, guilty, and childish, maybe she was right, and I’m being whiny, but now I’m on the verge of tears because I have an assignment due tonight and can’t get a sentence through without my head feeling like it’ll explode. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I see what people mean by judging everyone sucks here because your caffeine habit certainly doesn’t seem to be helping your migraine situation, but I still think you’re NTJ because you’re clearly under a lot of pressure and caffeine is helping you cope. I think you should arrange an appointment with your pediatrician to talk about your migraine because there are medications you can take to prevent them!
I take 250mg of Depakote every morning and night and went from having migraines at least once a week to having them once every few months. Also, you’ve probably earned enough of a reputation as a Good Student by this point that you can get away with taking a break tonight.
Email your teachers “Hey, I’m having a killer migraine and my meds aren’t cutting it, I can’t finish tonight’s homework, can I turn it in on Monday?” and then go to bed. And seriously schedule a doctor’s appointment, you don’t have to live like this!!!” sailor_moon_knight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you need to seek help with getting your headaches and caffeine addiction under control. This isn’t healthy at your age, and it’s not going to get better. If the caffeine is causing the migraines, that’s fantastic because there are ways to prevent them.
But it’s difficult and you need to seek help from medical staff and probably a nutritionist. You’re young, it’s worth getting it taken care of! It will make you feel loads better and probably help your functioning and relationships generally. Best of luck to you.” Traditional_Pilot_26
Another User Comments:
“Hmm, I’m torn. It sounds like the migraines are self-inflicted. With that being the case, it’s difficult for others to show sympathy based on your habits. However migraines can be quite terrible and if you are as dedicated to school as you say you are, I don’t think it would hurt to miss one day.
I also agree with a previous commenter who claimed your timeline isn’t adding up. It seems off to me as well, in addition to the fact that you are claiming to be an honor student but you also “can’t study or keep up with the assignments teachers give off”.
Something seems off so I’m going to go with everyone sucks here” Curious-Trust-1347
15. AITJ For Retaliating To My Sister's Weight Comment At Family Dinner?
“My (F18) family was getting together for a “Thanksgiving dinner” with all my siblings which doesn’t happen often.
I put Thanksgiving in brackets because we don’t celebrate, it wasn’t a big meal or anything, just pasta, and my mom figured it would be nice to all be home either way.
The people at dinner were my parents, my three siblings, and my partner.
For context, two of my siblings are younger, and I have one older sister (F20). We got along fairly well as kids but kinda drifted apart as teens since we are quite different.
During the dinner, everything went well, however,r as I was cleaning my plate my older sister asked me if I had lost weight because I looked skinnier.
I’ve always been pretty underweight but I have dealt with these comments my whole life so I try not to let it bother me. I don’t know why this bothered me so much this day but I wanted to stand up for myself and show how a comment like that is unnecessary and rude.
So, I turned it around and said “How would you feel if I said you looked like you gained weight/were bigger?” That is a cruel statement and I wasn’t legitimately asking but trying to show how it feels the other way.
Now I may be the jerk here because my sister had had some issues with her weight over the years, thinking she’s bigger than she is.
My mom came downstairs after dinner and was upset with me for “ruining the dinner” by commenting on that because my sister was just trying to be nice. I tried to explain to her that it’s mean to comment on another’s weight either way around but she told me any girl would be happy to hear that someone thought they’d lost weight.
I, again, tried to explain that maybe SHE feels that way but I don’t, and my sister made fun of my weight my whole life. She would tell me boys would never like me cause I wasn’t curvy.
All in all, my mom is upset but my partner says I’m not in the wrong.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is wrong, “any” girl is happy to lose weight? No, no they aren’t always happy to lose weight. Thin people have feelings too, and some thin people have health problems we’d probably all not wish on anyone.
Same with some average or above average-weight people. It would be nice if people learned not to comment on the weight of their family and friends. How about we learn to say “You look nice” and let them tell you why if they choose to?
This is no different than asking a woman who has gained weight if she’s pregnant. There’s no winning scenario when someone pulls out the “weight” comments. It’s too bad your mom is supporting this double standard.” RemarkableArticle970
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but this doesn’t sound like a new issue.
I wonder if it’s possible to have a cool-headed boundary-setting conversation with your family around not commenting on your body because that is your boundary and it should be respected.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Wanting To Set Boundaries With My Financially Struggling Friend?
“I have a friend who I like and is an all-around nice person. He is also poor, works relatively far and has no vehicle.
His relationship with his family is also strained and they wouldn’t be able to help him much anyway because they are more or less in the same boat. I make more than he does but I am also poor (I make about $30K a year) and after getting to know him better I decided to help him out occasionally with a little cash if he needed it or with a favor such as driving him to and from work.
I just wanted to be nice.
The problem is that he’s been taking advantage of it (and me) especially as I’m also going through a rough patch myself. Inflation’s a pain y’all. I’ve talked to him to get him to understand that while I get his situation is difficult (he was almost homeless) and that I don’t mind helping him out every once in a while I need him to stop reaching out to me just to get me to fix his problems. Especially since I have many of my own.
Just as an example at least once a week (it used to be way more frequent) I wake up to a wall of text messages explaining what emergency he has now and how he desperately needs my help. It stresses me out and puts me in a bad mood to start the day.
Now I dread getting texts from him.
Also, I mostly ignore his texts to hang out even when I do have free time (which is rare) because it’s never just actually hanging out. It’s always just an excuse so I can do him a favor like taking him to the store or to an appointment where I’m often left alone just waiting for him to finish.
By the time we’re done,ne it’s either too late to do anything or I’m no longer in the mood and just want to go home.
Unfortunately,ely his situation isn’t really improving and he won’t stop basically guilt-tripping me. Again he’s actually a nice guy and I do like spending time with him when we do really hang out plus I know he really does need the help.
But honestly, I’m growing resentful and I feel like it’s only a matter of time before I in no uncertain terms tell him to stop making his problems my problem. Would I be a jerk if I did?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ In life, you need to “put on your oxygen mask first” before you can help other people. You can’t help fill someone else’s cup when yours is empty. I could go on with analogies, but the basic matter of it is he’s draining you right now and that’s not helpful for you. Sometimes you just need to step away. It’s OK to tell him that you need to step away, just be polite about it.
If he gets angry that you can’t be his Problem Fixer, then you know how he is and you can block him. ” Spare-Shirt24
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTA. If this was me, I would just try to put a little distance between myself and this person.
Especially since you said you have tried being straight with him, and it hasn’t worked. Just be a little less available for ~6 months and don’t reply to most of his messages. Hopefully, this will give you a mental reset on the friendship, and he will have developed other coping strategies.
After the break, you might be in a position to see more of his good features, and can consider being more active in the friendship.” starinmelbourne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ For your Question. It’s reasonable to stop supporting him this way. But let’s be honest here.
He isn’t a nice person. A nice person wouldn’t take advantage of you like that or try guilt-tripping you. Your friend is just manipulative and knows how to push buttons. It’s not uncommon for people who grew up poor or in difficult situations. I met some of them (work-related and nearly all of them know how to push buttons to their advantage. It’s a survival skill.
You would be a jerk to yourself if you continued enabling him and his behavior. Each time you “save” his problems (money, driving, food whatever” he doesn’t need to think of proper long-lasting solutions. There is no need to change. Next time he asks for your help, ask the question of what he would do if you weren’t available to him- and let him do that instead.
His life and his life choices are his responsibility. Others manage too- without someone constantly saving them. Good luck setting your boundaries. Might cost you this…” friendship”, but believe me, after a while,e you’ll feel so much lighter.” Gloomy-Campaign-3277
13. AITJ For Telling My Sister Our Dad's Divorce Story?
“My parents are divorced, but growing up my mom was abusive to me [20F] and also my dad. Which hurt because I love my dad.
She would belittle his intelligence and call him a failure and would just talk down on him and act like he was the dumbest and stupidest person on the planet.
My dad is also autistic, so he has a hard time realizing that people are making fun of him. But she didn’t believe he was autistic and just said he was the worst.
My mom ended up divorcing him, and my sister and I ended up living with my dad full time and he was the one that raised us.
My sister and I both have blocked my mom and don’t speak to her.
I asked Dad about the divorce a while ago and he said it was the worst thing to happen to him at the time.
His parents were super religious, and divorce was very looked down upon to the point where he thought his family would cut him off for getting divorced. But yeah, after he found out he went to visit a friend for a day and he said he thought that he would run away, that he’d move to a new country because he was a failure and start over.
But then he thought of us, his kids, and of course, he went back home. And now he knows the divorce was for the best.
So yeah, I wasn’t bothered when he told me this story. I felt really bad for him, but I also got it.
I too sometimes wish I could run away and start over because relationships/family/life are tough. But then you don’t do that and you fix things.
So I wasn’t bothered by it. But my sister and I were talking about the divorce and she told me to say what dad told me about it.
He doesn’t share his feelings often, so she was curious.
So I told her the whole story and she freaked out. She said she was mad that Dad thought about leaving us and that he was a jerk for that. I tried to calm her down and explain that we all feel that way sometimes but she didn’t get it and she’s been bothered by it.
I feel bad that she’s mad at him because he does so much for us. AITJ for telling her the story like my dad told me?”
Another User Comments:
“Tell your sister to grow up, have some empathy, and go ask your dad for his version.
It’s his story to tell more than anyone else’s. While you aren’t the jerk, kids don’t have perspective and life experience. Your sister isn’t a jerk either. If there’s a jerk here, sounds like your mom is a huge one.” WatchWorking8640
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell sister that she has to remember that dad wasn’t thinking of running away from wanting to raise the two of you, that he was thinking of wanting to run away from mom because she made him feel so worthless that he wasn’t sure he was worthy of you both.
His love for the two of you is what kept him here even after everything your mom had said and done to him. She’s NC with your mom so she knows what she’s like. Tell her that imagine being your dad, no one in your corner to fight for him, not even his family, the way dad fought for the two of you.
Never did he want to leave you except when Mom made him feel he was unworthy to be your father. Even though he had no one to help him he still stayed and fought for the two of you to be with him. That’s what she needs to remember; he didn’t want to leave because of you, he stayed because of you.” wlfwrtr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I also wouldn’t say you were in the right for passing on something your dad confided in you. Your sister also needs to try to look at it from his perspective and realize that everyone has thoughts they aren’t proud of, but whether we act on them is what matters.
Running away from an abusive wife and the responsibility of 2 children would have been the easy option, but he chose to stay.” Low-Wear-6259
12. AITJ For Cancelling Our Streaming Services Because My Partner Acts Like A Child?
“My (28f) and my husband (30m) just welcomed our first baby almost 3 months ago. Understandably it has been a huge adjustment for both of us. She’s still not sleeping through the night and we’re both back to work full time. We have always split the household responsibilities 50/50.
We just help where needed and it’s always worked out well.
Lately, my husband has been doing the chores terribly and I’ve had to come behind him to fix things or clean them again. For example, he cleaned the bottles the other night and they were cleaned so poorly I had to do them again.
He dropped pump parts down the disposal and then ran it ruining them. There have been several clothes that he didn’t clean after a blowout that is now ruined. There are many more instances like this. I’ve confronted him a few times letting him know we all make mistakes and I know we’re both tired but it feels like he’s not even trying to do things well.
He just keeps saying he’s so tired and is having a hard time working and taking care of the house and baby. I do sympathize with this as I’m also working, pumping, recovering, and taking care of the house and baby.
The final straw for me was when he told me to go to sleep and he’d put up the milk I’d just pumped and finish the dishes.
I was so grateful until I got up and realized the milk had been sitting on the counter and at this point was no good anymore. He said he was sorry and he put on a show to relax for a bit before doing the dishes and fell asleep.
The next day I decided to cancel all of our streaming services, PlayStation Plus and our theme park pass to hire a housekeeper. I figured if he’s too tired to do basic household chores then a housekeeper is necessary. If he’s too tired to put milk up, then he’s too tired to play video games or for us to go to a theme park.
We still have cable and PlayStation games and can do other activities outside of the local theme park. He blew up at me and said I had no right doing that and was furious. I thought I was doing us a favor so we could get more sleep and not worry as much about household tasks.
So AITJ for hiring a housekeeper without asking?
Edit to add: I see a lot of comments about communication. I have been communicating nonstop about my needs and my expectations. I’ve let a lot of mistakes slide because I know this is hard for both of us, but when it became a daily thing I let him know if he’s unable to do his part, then I need additional help.
I mentioned hiring some help, and he laughed and said “What a ridiculous waste of money.” I knew if I asked again, the answer would be no, so I decided for both of us.
Also, I didn’t throw away the TV or PlayStation. I just canceled our subscriptions for them.
We were paying around $100 between the two. Our internet includes a handful of cable channels and we have plenty of PlayStation games that we can still play. We both play video games and watch TV. I probably watch more on steaming so cancelling them affects both of us.
Housekeeping is $300 a month and everything I canceled including Disney passes is about $230 so it won’t be as much of a financial burden. Plus it will save more money as well since I won’t have to replace destroyed pump parts, clothes, and milk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and ignore all of the comments saying that you didn’t communicate – yeah, you did. You repeatedly communicated that he was not following through on his share of the household responsibilities, and what he was doing, he was doing so poorly that you had to redo it for him.
Weaponized incompetence is a thing. You’re the one who gave birth and you’re pumping – But the dude who is not recovering from childbirth and producing the food for a living being is more tired and somehow can’t even manage the chores he is doing correctly?!?
Nope. No way. But use some of that extra money you’ve saved by getting yourselves into marriage counseling because the opinions of a random batch of Redditors aren’t the right choice for how to handle your situation.” KrofftSurvivor
Another User Comments:
“At first I was like, everyone’s the jerk here, you’re treating your partner more like a child than a partner, you should have talked to him first and discussed…..
but the problem is, after reading through your post again. He’s not acting like a partner, he is **Acting** like an errant child :/ So, I can understand where one can get to the point of thinking ‘Forget it, why do I have to be the adult?
I can’t keep doing things on my own because my partner is no longer being my partner, he is being an additional child for me to take care of and clean up after’ So….*Slight* ESH…but mainly NTJ for me. I can completely understand where you’re coming from and Streaming and gaming are a ton less valuable than professional help for you guys.
Especially when you still have Cable and Playstation games and can do plenty of other outside/indoor activities. The world doesn’t revolve around Streaming and Disneyworld :/ Priorities. Sheesh. And for those saying Well, he’s trying, too!’… Let me tell you something. Milk is GOLD.
You do not just leave that out on the counter, even if you’re dead tired. That goes in the fridge right after he tells his wife to go to bed. The fact that he went and played video games first is so much more telling than ‘well he’s trying’.
That’s not trying. Putting pumping parts (plastic and not anywhere close to looking like something that would go down a disposal unit) down the disposal and then running it and breaking it? That’s something I’d expect a 10-year-old would do. Not a grown man.” TKWander
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He’s doing weaponized incompetence and I don’t care how sleep deprived he is, it’s deliberate so you have to take over. How is it that you’re doing more baby work and can clean the parts properly? But you both know you’re tired and crabby and should be going ‘This is not working, the solution is for the next three months we cancel streaming for housekeeper’ and then negotiate.
Tell him then he needs to shape up because his cleaning is BS” Tikona
11. AITJ For Not Allowing My Ex Extra Time With Our Autistic Son Due To Poor Communication?
“I (M33) am the primary caregiver for my son. (8m). My son is on the spectrum and has some very specific ways he deals with things. My ex was granted 10 hours of unsupervised visitation a week, she picks him up from school on Mondays at 1:30, Wednesdays and Fridays at 2:30, and drops him off to me when I get out of work at 5:30.
Today and this coming Monday he does not have school, I allowed her to pick him up from me at 8:00 am today when I got to work to have some extra time with him. About halfway into the day my son called me on a video call from his mom’s phone with an issue on his Tablet, I told him that I would call him back about it when I was on a break due to being rather busy.
Later when I called back he was upset about the same issue he was having and I tried to help walk him through it but was unable to without being there with him. He was frustrated and his mom ended the call. I called back to talk with him and when I did he was crying and saying It is cracked” but my ex was not giving him the phone.
I tried to ask what he was yelling about but my ex told me I knew because it was what he was saying before. As I tried to ask what he was talking about being cracked she hung up. She then ignored several calls from me, only answering after I sent a secure message asking what was happening.
During this call, she explained what was going on but when our son was saying that he wanted to talk to me she just hung up.
I called back and told my ex that I could hear him asking to talk to me and that she needed to let him, which she did.
My son is again off on Monday but I told my ex that I would not be allowed extra time with him since she was not being cooperative with communication and that I need to be able to communicate with our son, I told her she could pick him up from my mother, who has always been his babysitter, at the usual 1:30 pickup time.
AITJ for not allowing my ex extra time with our son?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex sounds like someone who’s too emotionally immature to deal with the stressful nature of having a special needs child. Your child is severely emotionally unwell without their iPad (common in children with autism) and your ex not allowing you to communicate with him after something broke makes it seem like your ex broke something and didn’t want to take responsibility.
Your ex is the jerk because: 1. They didn’t help your kid when he needed help to the point of extreme emotional distress 2. When something further went wrong, she didn’t communicate Now this is over something less impactful like an iPad, but imagine if he had been hurt or something serious and it was her fault.
Would she refuse communication? She sounds irresponsible and like she’s prioritizing herself over your son, which is the exact opposite of what a parent should do.” Many_Scar8589
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a co-parent, neither of us would allow this. When our child wants to speak with either of us, we hand over the phone.
If I kept her from speaking to her father he’d be over here so fast, and I’d do the same. We are both her parents no matter whose home she is in, we believe she has a right to contact either of us at any time.” FairyCompetent
10. AITJ For Asking A Girl To Describe Her Lost Ring Before Returning It?
“So I live in a big student apartment complex, and while you have to be a student to be in the lease, it’s pretty easy for anyone to get into the building. While I was walking in the hall today, I found a gold Cartier ring on the ground.
I don’t know jewelry very well but I knew this was expensive so I put a note up by the elevator with my name and apartment number and said found a lost ring, come by anytime to get it, and brought the ring back to my room.
My thinking was that most people would probably just take it and it seemed pretty valuable. A few hours later a girl knocked on my door asking if I was the one who found a ring.
I said yes of course what did the ring you lost look like before I go grab it?
(if you can’t give me a vague description probably not yours right?). Immediately she lost it on me and started threatening to call the police since I was stealing from her. I finally calmed her down enough to explain that I just didn’t want someone looking for a new free ring grabbing it, and I didn’t want a detailed manifesto on the ring, just something so I know it’s yours and she told me “size three gold Cartier ring”, which was the one I had so I said give me two seconds I’ll go grab it and went to shut the door and she lost it again demanding to come inside with me while I grabbed it.
I’m not letting her in because I don’t know her and she just finished screaming at me, so I just shut and locked while I ran to grab it and the entire time she was screaming calling me a jerk making a massive scene in the hall.
She finally left when I gave her the ring and now I’m sitting here flabbergasted at the interaction. I genuinely thought I was doing the right thing, but I started to question if I went about this in a jerk way. Please be brutally honest here, I always assumed that was standard practice for returning a lost item, but I also know what they say about when you assume so I’d like to know for future interactions if I was right and she was being unreasonable, or I just went about it wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!! You did this exactly right! Found a lost item. Posted a notice. Asked for a description before forking it over to the first inquirer. Don’t let a stranger into your home. And didn’t stand for getting verbally berated. This girl has a screw loose… don’t let her wacky ungrateful backside get to you.” fallingfaster345
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you had no idea if it was her ring until she described it. The vast majority of lost item posts I’ve ever seen require that you describe the item before you get it. She was way out of line to react like that or accuse you of anything nefarious.” Catcon95
Another User Comments:
“You were spot on, NTJ. She was. I found an iPhone once, and someone called it. so I told them I’d hang on to it, gave my number, and asked them to get the person they tried to call to come to get it.
Later that day, they came to my house, and before I handed it over to them I got them to unlock it, and prove they knew the password. They did that, said thanks for taking care of it, and left. That’s what she should have done, not that petulant idiot child behavior you described.” Independent_Push_159
9. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister Over Unpaid Loan And Irresponsible Spending?
“I (16F) live with my parents, older brother (26M), and older sister (25F). Recently, there’s been tension in our family because my parents took out a loan to help my siblings get back on their feet during a difficult time. Instead of using the money responsibly, my sister gave half to her ex-partner, and my brother wasted his on booze and substances.
Neither has paid back a cent, even though the loan was meant to help them out of a rough patch.
My dad often threatens to take legal action to get the money back, but my mom—who came up with the idea—keeps telling them not to worry and to focus on “getting back on their feet.” But it’s been years, and nothing has changed.
The other day, I was outside with my two nieces (my sister’s daughters) when the ice cream truck came by. We ran inside to ask my mom for money, and she gave us $20. My nieces bought ice cream, and I got a small bag of candies.
When we came back in, I overheard my sister complaining to my mom, saying, “I get it for the girls, but why are you giving her money? She’s 16, she should have her own.”
That bothered me, so I went back inside, gave my mom the chance, and said to my sister, “You can’t complain about me when you haven’t even paid back the loan or taken care of your kids.” My sister got mad, but I didn’t care.
I turned to my mom and asked, “You’re letting her talk about me like that?” My mom just shook her head and walked away.
Later, my mom twisted the story when my dad got home, saying I insulted my sister for no reason. I told him the truth, but now I’m worried I made things worse.
The next morning, I overheard my dad on the phone with a lawyer, and I’m pretty sure it was about the loan.
My brother, who drives me to work, said there’s been a lot of tension in the house. I explained what happened, and that evening, my dad shook my brother’s hand.
My brother had paid back half of what he owed from the loan and promised to pay off the rest soon. When my dad looked at my sister, she got defensive and said she couldn’t afford it and had been “too busy.” My dad just shook his head and walked away.
Now I’m wondering if I was wrong to say anything and if I made things worse. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This one is inevitably on your parents for lending money. And taking out a loan and giving them cash??? I have responsible adult kids that I trust and even I wouldn’t take out a loan to give them cash.
I would help them pay off debts buy groceries or even let them live with me. But taking out a loan and just giving money away, is no way. This just sounds like a bunch of people making bad decisions and not owning up to it, and you’re a kid and none of it should have anything to do with you.
(When I say kid it’s not an insult but you’re a minor and shouldn’t have to parent your parents)” AdhdQueen117
Another User Comments:
“You did not make this mess. You are NTJ. Deadbeat sister may be going through some things, but it’s because she is a deadbeat.
Brother seems like he’s taking repayment seriously. Hopefully that sticks. Mom is doing no one- including your sister-any favors by teaching her that she doesn’t have to pay her way. Family does help each other, it’s true. But that also means family pays back loans.” RubyTx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It was between your parents and siblings until your sister complained about you. You told her an uncomfortable truth and exposed how much your mother is enabling her. Don’t apologize. Consider it again none of your business unless sister drags you back in.” Firm-Molasses-4913
8. AITJ For Commenting On An Elf's Receding Hairline In LOTR?
“Me 22F and a few friends (all early 20s M/F) were chatting the other day and I forget why, but the conversation topic went to Tolkien and Lord of the Rings — which we are all fans of to various levels.
Necessary trivia: elves in Tolkien are generally “aesthetically perfect”, and ethereally beautiful, you know the deal.
Now, if you haven’t seen the LOTR movies, there’s this elf who has a noticeably receding hairline, like a widow’s peak in reverse, and it’s very noticeable because LOTR elf’s hairstyle is long swept-back hair, and the camera zooms in wide on the guy’s face a lot so there’s no missing it.
And I mentioned during the conversation that when I first watched the movies years ago I found it funny that they let this elf keep his crazy hairline because you’d not expect an elf to suffer from male pattern baldness. I didn’t say he was unattractive or anything, just that it was unexpected/amusing.
A guy in the group, Jake has the beginnings of male pattern baldness, very slight BTW. Not noticeable at all unless you look for it, but I of course understand he may be feeling insecure about it. Anyway, Jake lashed out at me for this comment, calling me shallow and “vapid” and that judgemental people like me are the reason for male loneliness.
I told him it wasn’t that I thought a receding hairline was a horrible nightmarish thing, but that it was an unexpected choice when it came to casting a species that’s meant to be the pinnacle of human perfection, not because I hate balding people but because that specific elf’s specific hairline isn’t what you’d call conventionally attractive.
Didn’t say it’s good or bad, just that I found it funny at the time.
Jake blocked me off everything and is posting a ton of tweets about not making fun of things people can’t change. I repeat I said this about the elf, and not a comment on baldness itself.
I meant well but he’s so annoyed that I am now questioning whether I’m in the wrong and don’t realize because I am not a man or balding myself.
I did apologize, BTW, and said I only intended to say it about the elf but he’s just not having it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My hairline is marching towards the area that is left behind by the thinning hair on the back of my head, like the orcs coming for Gondor. This battle has been ongoing since the beginning of my twenties. Currently, they are trying to surround the brave fellowship that holds their ground in the very center of the battlefield by flanking them from both sides.
War, much like hair loss, isn’t pretty. I wouldn’t have expected elves to have male-pattern baldness either. I guess testosterone is a contributing factor to this form of hair loss. And since elves don’t seem to grow beards either, it indeed is a weird choice.
Your friend seems to be a little insecure about it. And maybe he’s lonely and has a hard time. Hug him. It goes a long way.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s at an age where he’s just learning he’s losing his hair and is overly sensitive about it.
As for Elrond: Canon states the elven equivalent of a soul can influence the appearance of their physical bodies. If baldness is associated with maturity and wisdom in Middle-Earth, as it is in many real cultures, then Elrond could be choosing to be bald. Theoretically.” AlienDog496
7. AITJ For Needing My Stepdad To Drive Me To The Train Station For University?
“I (19f) live with my mom (46f) and my stepdad (37f). I attend a university in a nearby city, and for my first year I stayed in the university owned dorms. For my second year, we all decided it would be a good idea for me to commute from the local train station into the city.
The station is about a 10 minute drive from my house, too far to walk. There is no other method of public transport I can use to get to the train station.
Over the summer, my mom was admitted to hospital and she will be staying in there for the near future.
The hospital is about a 40 minute drive from my house, but only a 5 minute drive from my grandparent’s house (stepdad’s parents). My stepdad has been staying some nights at my grandparent’s house, and some nights at home.
I start uni again pretty soon, and still have no other way to get to the station other than being driven, as I can’t drive yet.
This means my stepdad has to take me to the station in the morning before driving to the hospital in the morning, so will have to stay at our house most of the week.
Earlier today, his parents picked me up to take me to work (something they have offered to do), and they started hinting that I was a jerk for “making” my stepdad drive me.
They said “I was going to kill him” by forcing him to do this every morning, and that he was “not allowed” to stay at their house anymore. I was extremely hurt, upset and angry about this. I haven’t forced him to do anything, and have mentioned a million times how appreciative I am of him.
It just felt like they blamed me for my stepdad being exhausted, and it made me wonder if I might be a jerk. I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ assuming you had an agreement in place when you decided to live with parents your second year of college.
At the same time, the situation has clearly changed, so it would be courteous of you to look into other options to help share the load.” 4tinyinches
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you need to be more conscious of how he is struggling and what you can do to ease that strain.
Try to talk to him about it and figure out where you can help. Even if it’s small and he doesn’t seem to want help. Personally, my mom will refuse help unless you force it upon her and it sounds like your dad might be the same way.
So even if it’s just making him something to eat or a coffee for the ride to the train or telling him to go rest for a few minutes while you sit with your mom you need to be proactively empathetic.” Comfortable-Tie-9893
6. AITJ For Refusing To Pay A Neighborhood Kid For Mowing My Lawn Without Asking?
“I (29M) recently bought my first house. I’m settling in and like the neighborhood, and a few neighbors even came by to say hello. They included a woman (43F) and her 13-year-old son.
Not long after, I was on my couch one afternoon and saw my son outside, mowing my front lawn.
I was confused since I’d never asked him to and he’d never offered. I went out and politely asked him why he was doing it – he said he did it for lots of neighbors, and quickly added they give him $5 for it. I found it weird, so thanked him for the partial work he’d done, before explaining that since I hadn’t asked or wanted him to do it, I wasn’t going to be paying him.
He said OK, and quietly left my lawn.
I figured that might be the end of it – just a kid trying to make some money, resolved with no harm done, end of story. But the next day his mom arrived on my doorstep and angrily asked me why I hadn’t paid her son.
I repeated what I’d said to her son, but she wouldn’t accept it. She just kept saying that it was a kind gesture and that he did it for all the other neighbors. She also said $5 isn’t a lot of money and I could have just ggivenit to him.
I kept trying to explain that an agreement like that needs to be set up ahead of time otherwise it’s nothing more than a random demand for money, but she tuned me out and ended up walking away as I was talking. I was amazed the adult in the situation was handling it worse than the literal child was.
I’m wondering how much longer this will go on for.
That was last week. Every time I’ve seen her since she’s stared daggers at me or made a show of crossing the street to avoid me. I’m not instigating anything further – I rave no desire to speak to her – but I’m thinking she might try to send her poor kid back to collect the money, or even mow the lawn again.
I’ve vented about this to family and friends, and while most seemed to agree with me, some said I should have been grateful and paid the boy, and just told them from then on not to mow the lawn. I can’t tell if I’ve been a jerk here, or if my reaction to the whole thing was entirely justified.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There needs to be communication before the kid does this sort of thing. And you stopped him once you noticed what was happening. You didn’t wait for him to finish and then question him. You weren’t trying to get free work.
What do the neighbors say/think? Maybe try to talk with them and get their input; they’ve been there longer. They all may be fed up with that family, also.” GamesDontStop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I get where you’re coming from. It’s super weird for a kid to just mow your lawn without you asking.
Like, I wouldn’t want someone doing work for me and expecting money either. It’s nice that he wants to help out neighbors, but that should be something you discuss first. It’s not like you hired him, so why should you pay? The mom seems to be overreacting a bit, and honestly, she should be teaching her kid how to ask for permission first. You did the right thing by standing your ground.
If she sends him back, just stick to your guns. You’re not being rude; you’re just setting boundaries. Good luck with the neighbor drama!” MommyMistressQueen
5. AITJ For Sharing My Instagram With A Classmate Without My Parents' Permission?
“I (20F) currently live at home with my parents. I’m in college, unemployed, and they cover all my expenses—food, phone, tuition, everything. I’m genuinely grateful because I know I’m in a fortunate position, but there’s a downside: I don’t have much say over a lot of decisions in my life.
Since they’re paying for everything, my parents are involved in most aspects of what I do. For example, I can’t choose my classes without their approval since they’re covering college. I’m not allowed to download apps without permission because they pay for the internet.
And I can’t just hand out my phone number or talk to new people without their say-so because, well, they pay for the phone.
That brings me to the current issue: I recently shared my Instagram with a classmate without really thinking about it.
I haven’t been hiding it either; I’ve been messaging her in the living room because, honestly, at twenty years old, I should be able to give my Instagram to whoever I want.
However, based on my past experiences, I’m anticipating a blow-up.
Two years ago, I gave my phone number to a classmate, and my dad lost it. I was 18 and thought I didn’t need to ask for permission anymore, but my dad disagreed. He lectured me for over an hour about it. Now, I’m just waiting for a repeat of that blow-up when they find out I’ve been messaging this new classmate on Instagram.
I’m frustrated because I know their rules are overbearing, but they’re paying for everything. I know that since they are paying they have the right to make rules, but I feel like I’ll never get to make decisions for myself if I don’t start pushing back.
My friends called me an idiot for going against my parents, saying I should appreciate my circumstances because they would kill to be in my position.”
Another User Comments:
“Why don’t they want you to have a job? To focus on school? NTJ, I feel with the current situation there’s no way for you to even have a chance to take ownership of your finances and any control if can’t work.
Would have a discussion about what the plan is to be able to eventually be on your own and financially independent” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you are wrong: ” I don’t think my parents are strict” This is a ridiculous, and outright abusive way to treat even a teen child, let alone a 20-year-old adult.
This is a level of control that would be illegal in some locations and settings.” CatteNappe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, how are you supposed to make friends? Or you know, live a life? I was lucky too when it came to financials. My parents paid for everything, just like yours do.
But they never used that as an excuse to dictate my life or invade my privacy. Their money didn’t come with strings. I’m not telling you my experience to be a jerk but I want to give you some perspective. Lots of parents help their kids out and don’t expect servility in exchange.
It’s a wonderful thing to help with money if you can afford it. But it’s mean to use that money as leverage to control your adult children. Start etching out what independence you can where you can. It’s something you’re going to have to take–it won’t be given easily.
Start with a job. Make it part-time and remote if you think that would be an easier sell (although I think an in-person job might be better for you on a personal level. Try and get out of your parent’s house a little). Can I ask, what are your older sister’s lives like?
Do they have more freedom?” peggingpinhead
4. AITJ For Choosing To Live With My Dad Instead Of My Manipulative Mom?
“I’ve always been switching between my mom and dad every other week and it’s not been much of a problem up until a few years ago. Now, it’s not like anyone is abusive physically but I have the feeling that my mom is trying to manipulate and guilt trip me (which is another reason I prefer being at my dad’s).
So, ever since my mom and I moved into a new house last year I’ve felt like I’m always under surveillance; like I can’t leave my room without being questioned about what I’m doing. My mom doesn’t work because of her PTSD so she’s always home, which makes me feel like I can’t be independent.
My dad works quite a lot and has a life outside of being a dad, which is nice because I get the daytime hours to do my things like school, baking, gaming, etcetera.
Now that you’ve got an idea of what the situation looks like, let’s get into it.
A few days ago I woke up (at my dad’s) and I broke down, having held in my feelings about being at my mom’s for a while, finally deciding to take care of myself. Now, here is where I admit that I’m probably in the wrong, I got my dad to call my mom and tell her that I’d stay with him for a while, I admit that it’s childish but I couldn’t get myself to do it.
But I feel like my mom overreacted about it, getting super angry and falling into the victim role, “So I’m never gonna see my child again?” “I’m just a terrible mom then?” “You and your dad always make me out to be evil” (we don’t lmao) stuff like this which I feel is very manipulating considering the circumstances.
She also always makes drama about little things like which house I keep what clothes at and she always goes to money “Well if you’re not gonna be here I won’t pay your allowance” which, is fair, but why use it as a threat? Anyways, she also tries to manipulate me into thinking that I’M the manipulative one who’s playing the victim while she’s playing the victim at the same time.
Bro.
Anyways, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re old enough to make a decision. I expect any family court would highly consider your request, anyway. There’s a part of me that thinks you should still visit and spend some time with your mom, even if it is just a little.
I hope she gets the help she needs.” GamesDontStop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sounds like your mom needs serious help. Instead of blaming you and your dad, she should listen to your feelings. She has no respect for you as a person. She sees you as “something she has to take care of.” Because while you’re still a child, you are old enough to do your own thing and have a right to privacy.
As a parent, I’d be devastated if my kids chose to stay away from me because they feel suffocated, but I’d first wonder if I’m too overbearing and will get my friends’ opinions.” jaded-escapist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your choice to make.
And, given her reaction to your choice, I can see why you made it. BTW: her reaction is pure emotional manipulation – she is playing the guilt card to get you to do what she wants. And the threat about your allowance was low as well.
Don’t fall for it. You weren’t in the wrong for what you did. You did what you needed to do for your mental health. Remember: your mother will always know how to push your buttons because she was the person who installed them.” bamf1701
3. AITJ For Refusing To Drop My Ex-Husband's Last Name After He Remarried?
“I (56F) divorced my husband two years ago after 26 years of marriage. We have four kids, and the split was amicable. He came out as gay, and we mutually agreed to part ways.
Changing my name wasn’t a priority—updating IDs, legal documents, and bank accounts would be a huge hassle. I still use his last name on official documents but go by my maiden name socially.
Recently, he got engaged to a wonderful guy. I’ve been supportive of their relationship, but during my grandson’s birthday party, my ex suddenly asked if I’d consider dropping his last name.
His fiancé chimed in, saying it makes him uncomfortable that I still use it. I was caught off guard and awkwardly joked that unless they wanted to spend hours in lines at various government offices, I wasn’t going to change it. My ex didn’t laugh.
He insisted it’s about starting a new chapter and wants me to “move on.”
The whole situation felt bizarre. For two years, it’s never been an issue, and now they’re ganging up on me. After the party, my ex called and argued that keeping his name makes it hard for his fiancé to feel like they’re starting a fresh life.
I countered that our kids still use the same name, and it would feel strange for me to be the odd one out.
What hurt was learning from my youngest son that his fiancé feels threatened by my name, assuming I’m clinging to some claim on my ex.
I’ve made it clear I have zero interest in rekindling anything, but it feels like I’m being pressured to erase a part of my identity. My ex admitted his fiancé is uncomfortable because he sees me keeping the name as a “power play.”
I feel like I’m caught between trying to keep peace and being forced into something just because his fiancé is insecure. They want me to go through the hassle of changing everything for their comfort. I told my ex that I’ll consider it later—maybe after they’re married and settled. But now, he’s furious, saying I’m being petty and selfish.
My friends think I should stand my ground, but my kids are divided—one thinks I should just give in to keep the peace, while the other agrees that it’s ridiculous to change it just because his fiancé feels insecure.
I’m frustrated. I don’t see why a name on some legal documents is such a big deal, but they’re making me feel like the villain.
So, AITJ for refusing to drop my ex-husband’s last name even though he’s getting remarried?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t change your name! I had my ex’s name for 22 years and changing it is horrible. I have so much stuff in that name, but as you stated it’s your children’s name and you will always be their mother.
If the fiancé has an issue it is too bad. If you change it you will always be upset at him for forcing you and if you don’t he will have to get over it. Seriously stand your ground on this one. It is horrible to change and he is trying to take control of you and your life, if he wins this one it will be downhill from there with every choice you make regarding your kids and life events with the kids and the ex.
I can just imagine the other demands he will make if he wins this one.” MrsNobodyspecial67
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… many people keep their ex’s last name if they have children together and it is such a lengthy and annoying process to deal with especially if it’s not something you actively feel the need to do for yourself.
This seems to be more of a “them” issue that they need to work out as a couple. Why not suggest your ex-husband take his partner’s last name as an act of solidarity in forming this new family unit and see how he feels about not sharing that name with his children?
He probably won’t want to which further justifies your point.” Thegetupkids678
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – lots of women keep their last names after divorce for various reasons. Some people don’t want to change the last name they’ve been using professionally for decades while others want to continue to have the same last name as their children.
And others, like you, don’t want to change it because it can be a total hassle to update everything. Plus, it adds a layer of needing to provide details on the name change every time you’re renewing or applying for something that requires a higher level of verification of your identity.
Your ex doesn’t have to live with the hassle; also, he’s your ex so it’s not your responsibility to help him manage his insecure partner.” Mairwyn_
2. AITJ For Leaving My Husband's Best Friend's Wedding After Being Disrespected?
“I have a disability and have the inability to drive. My husband drives me everywhere. My husband knew about my disability when we met.
Anyway, my husband proposed and two weeks later his “best friend” proposed to his partner. We set the date for September 16th but they did too. So we decided to forgo the wedding and elope and buy a home. My husband is asked to do the bachelor party and pays for it all.
They never said he was or wasn’t the best man but they have been friends since diapers. Then the day before the wedding at the rehearsal when the pastor asks a guy who has known the couple for under a year. Okay cool. My husband’s upset but doesn’t say anything.
We get to the wedding at noon for pictures. I stay in the car because the place is in the middle of nowhere and I’m not at the party. Both the groomsmen and bridesmaids’ partners got to be in the pictures. Not me. Okay cool.
Time for the wedding and we all have seating. The partners are walking with their partners to the party. Except me. Instead, they have my husband walk down with his ex ( who conveniently wasn’t at rehearsal and they “forgot to tell him”). Okay cool.
I let it go. I married the man.
We get to the reception and there are assigned tables. And shouldn’t you know it he’s sitting with his ex and I’m not even assigned a seat. I ended up standing in the back because I didn’t want to cause anything.
I go to the bathroom and the bride’s in there with the ex who said, “He wants me back. It sucks he went and got married.” The bride then responded “She’s not much, just wait til the dancing starts…she’ll seize out. “
I promptly went and called an Uber without saying anything.
I ended up telling my husband to stay and he ended up getting in a fight. The Uber came windows down blaring music and I left. I proceeded to get messages now I ruined their day and that if I’d just let my husband go instead of burdening him life would be a lot better.
My husband’s completely on my side. He loves and supports me and my disability doesn’t change anything between us. I just don’t know if I should apologize and let it go especially since they were my husband’s best friend and they were important to him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The proposal timing, the wedding date, the ex gf, it was all a setup. They didn’t want him to marry you. I’d never speak to either of them again unless it was to tell them how awful they were. They would never get an apology from me.
You did so well. I can’t imagine what kinda crazy I would have unleashed on them jerks.” RelativeOk7190
Another User Comments:
“Unless you made a scene NTJ. I find it beyond odd that you somehow don’t have a seat, and your husband is squiring his ex around at the wedding.
Presumably, the x and the other couple are tight. In terms of apologizing, absolutely not. However,r you could certainly pass along what you overheard so that all parties know and understand, and have the opportunity to apologize TO YOU.” mostly_lurking1040
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but this story seems made up. Were you hiding in a bathroom stall and overheard the bride and the ex talking about you? I mean you’re not claiming they said that to your face right? And your Uber pulled up just pumping loud music at a wedding venue pick-up?
And you’re claiming you weren’t assigned a seat? C’mon. My nonsense detector is beeping loudly.” Sandman1025
1. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Stepmom With My Half Siblings While My Dad Is Away?
“My parents got divorced when I (15f) was 2 and my dad remarried when I was 4.
My dad always had a job that took him away from home for days or sometimes weeks at a time. Because of this, the custody schedule my parents have for me isn’t a traditional one but is dependent on my dad being home. If he’s not in town I don’t go to his house.
If he is I go for a few days or a week depending on how long he’s home for. My dad’s wife has argued in the past that I should be allowed to spend Dad’s time at the house with her if dad isn’t around but mom and the courts disagree.
This has meant they don’t get along and my mom and dad’s wife hate each other and my dad resents mom for upsetting his wife. He’s really rude to her when they have to talk, even in front of me. Mom stays civil but cool.
My dad’s wife is just really unpleasant to Mom if she says anything to or about her.
Things only got worse when my half-siblings came along and my mom wouldn’t agree to send me over if Dad wasn’t around. She did ask me if I wanted to go over more, but I didn’t.
She never told them that so they still blame her.
My dad left a week ago and he’ll be gone for another three weeks. His wife was struggling with my half-siblings because she was sick, some of them were sick and one of my half-siblings has ADHD and wasn’t sick so was going stir crazy.
She asked me to come over to help out and I didn’t. She asked me two more times and I still didn’t go. My dad called Sunday night and asked why I didn’t go and at least help out for 10 or 15 minutes. I told him I didn’t want to.
My grandparents don’t like dad’s wife so they refused to help her out either and her family isn’t close to her. Dad told me to just do it but I didn’t and then Monday Dad told me I was being a brat and things were falling apart there and I should be ashamed for being unwilling to do anything to help my family and he lectured me on how they’re family and it’s not fair that I don’t treat them like family, because if I did I would help.
My mom told Dad I’m a child and he better leave me alone. So they argued.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not their free babysitter. If anything, the grandparents need to step in. You are a kid yourself and not responsible for taking care of your stepmother or half-siblings You can ask your mom to speak to an attorney to see if your visitation can be modified further so you wouldn’t have to go there at all if you don’t want to, you are old enough to make that decision and shouldn’t be forced to be with people who treat you like a servant.
Your dad needs to hire a helper for his wife or convince his parents to help.” Several_Essay_7028
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like your stepmother has created most of this situation, by trying to assert rights over you and by being rude to and about your mother.
As such, of course, you don’t want to spend time with just her, and you don’t feel inclined to drop your own life to go help her out with sick children. You probably need a sit-down conversation with your dad alone where you spell out that you don’t have that sort of relationship with her and you currently don’t want it.
Currently, you don’t see her as family, so you aren’t going to go stay with her or be a home help. If he wants a happy family where you feel comfortable at his house and want to spend time with his second family, he and his wife need to stop being so hostile to your mother and trying to control you.” OscillatingFox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are a child with your own life. You are not the third parent. Now if they paid you to babysit, maybe consider the offer. At the end of the day, your Dad and his wife agree that he does this job where he travels a lot.
They know that events like this happen. They should already have a plan prepared to put into action. You should not be part of that plan unless you have agreed.” ScaryButterscotch474
