People Get Twitchy About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
26. AITJ For Restricting My Daughter's Air Pod Usage Because Of Her Attitude?
“My daughter (15F) got her first pair of Air Pods a couple of months ago for her birthday. Ever since, we’ve had the issue of her walking around the house with them in, us not being able to tell because her hair is long and covers her ears.
That in itself wouldn’t be an issue but if we try talking to her without realizing they’re in and have to repeat her name or tap her on the shoulder, she gets irritated, rips one out of her ear, and snaps “What?!”
We’ve tried talking about it.
I said before she can’t use them as an excuse to not answer us or be open to talk. I’m not even looking for in-depth conversations here. But if I need to ask her to get her laundry out of the dryer so I can use it, I feel it’s not unreasonable for me to be able to come up to her and ask without her acting like I’m bothering her.
We’ve tried to compromise, one pod in when she’s walking around. She will for a couple of days but then go back to both. Let us know ahead of time if she’s going to the cone of silence. She will but then forget.
After an incident when her dad went to ask her what she wanted for dinner and she snapped at him for “interrupting her song” (once again, he didn’t see the Air Pods were in), we had enough. We told her that she can only use the Air Pods in her room or outside the house when she goes for runs, is out with friends, etc. I told her it’s ridiculous that we can’t ever talk to her.
She got huffy and said that wasn’t fair. I said if she doesn’t adhere to the rules, I’ll take them away altogether until she learns to be respectful.
Now she’s angry and says we’re being unfair. Are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t so much think the problem is that she can’t hear you the first time because that is just the nature of headphones of any kind, I think the problem is her attitude when you tap her on the shoulder.
Snapping “what” is NOT okay. If she were working on homework and you were repeatedly disturbing her I would understand a snap but if she is just hanging out leisurely and still dares to get mad even though SHE is not listening she needs an attitude check.
This isn’t an airpods specific issue thing though, when she used her corded ones around the house was she still being rude when asked to pause and listen to something? I think you should enforce one pod until she learns how to be kind. Take one pod away until she earns your respect by not snapping again.” starbiebarbie99
Another User Comments:
“Ah yes. Moody teen wants to be left alone to brood to the bangers of the day. Today it’s AirPods. Yesterday the Walkman. Be glad it’s not a boombox. of course, you should be able to get her general attention without starting a war.
One thing here is that she very likely has noise cancellation on, and you’re startling her—likely part of the aggressive reaction. Turning that feature off could be a solution along the path of least resistance. In any case, the one-pod rule seems fair. The no-pods penalty box seems fair.
Either way, no, you’re NTJ. Congratulations on this full-circle moment. Teenage you is now facing the punishment that fits her crimes: Raising another teenager.” aemondstareye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Another approach would be to let her experience the consequences of her actions: – call out to her for dinner, if she doesn’t hear it she misses out and has to eat alone later – call out to her when it is time to give her a ride in the car, if she doesn’t hear it she stays home or takes the bus – call out to her when she needs to do a chore, if she doesn’t hear and the chore doesn’t get done on time then no allowance.
Put her in situations where she understands WHY it is important to be able to communicate verbally. She will get it quickly and change her behavior.” Hyundai-gt
25. AITJ For Telling My Father Off For Interrupting My Argument With My Husband?
“I (34f) live in Europe, in one country with my husband and children, while my father (64) lives in another country. My relationship with my father was never really healthy, nothing I ever did was good enough for him, whenever I had some idea he would say it was stupid and proceed to tell me his idea (which was “the only right one”), he often makes stupid jokes that belittle people and he is ALWAYS on my husband’s side and treats him more like his child than me (I’ve been with my now husband 18 years).
For example, when we were getting married we were broke but needed to get married because of the move to the new country. Because we didn’t have any money (especially my then partner) we just wanted to go to the courthouse. But my parents wanted to throw us a real wedding.
When the time came for a bachelor/bachelorette party my father paid for my husband’s party (without anyone asking him to) and didn’t even think to ask me if I had enough money for my party. That’s just one of many examples.
Back to today’s situation.
My father came this week to help us with some pretty heavy and demanding yard work. He was a great help. Tonight my husband and I got into an argument over something stupid in front of my father and he just jumped in like he always does and started yelling at me like I was having an argument with him and telling me to shut up so my husband could talk.
I got defensive and told him who he thinks he is to yell at me like that and that he should learn what boundaries are because I’m sick of him disrespecting me. He got offended and without a word got up and went to his room to sulk.
My husband says that I am the jerk and I should go and apologize to him because he is working his butt off to help us. But I think these two things are unrelated and that he should have minded his own business. What do you guys think, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH – So you have your issues with your father. There’s that. For this incident, he was a guest in your house doing you a “pretty heavy and demanding” favor. You got into an argument with your husband in front of him.
That wasn’t appropriate and you and your husband are jerks for that reason. He had no business butting in. He’s a jerk for that. You were fine to tell him that. I don’t think making this an unloading about all your feelings was constructive though.” jrm1102
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your father has no business inserting himself into an argument or even a discussion between yourself and your husband. On the other hand, the two of you might learn to have your arguments where 3rd parties aren’t privy to them. Arguments of this sort make all outside parties very uncomfortable to have to witness them and to suffer through them in silence.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re an adult, stop letting your narcissistic father get in your way. You need to let your husband know how you feel and then set hard boundaries with your dad. He’s a misogynistic person and it doesn’t look like he will change” One-Chipmunk3386
24. AITJ For Finishing A Book Series My Friend Recommended Before She Did?
“Yeah this sounds ridiculous and it cost me my friendship of 2 years.
I’m an avid reader. I read whenever and wherever I possibly can.
While outside, on the train, at Uni, during lunch, before bed, you name it. Ever since I became friends with Evie 21F, I introduced her to reading and she’s also been into reading ever since.
However, she’s very moody and insists she can’t read unless she’s in the right mood, which comes around once every 5 months or so.
And lasts for a week. (Not my problem, never really cared tbh)
However, I recently picked up a series she recommended to me. I instantly fell in love, got all the books (a couple of thousand pages in total), and started reading. It took me around 2 weeks to get to the final book.
It was extremely interesting, and the last book in particular was extremely intense, a huge battle was happening and the ending was finalized only in the last chapter. When I reached it, I texted Evie and told her how excited I was to finish it, and she went off.
She picked up the book the previous year, and she never got around to finishing it. She had about two chapters left, (so less than 200 pages in total of the series) and she said I couldn’t finish mine until she finished hers, saying it was the least I could do, to be respectful of her and her situation of not being able to finish a series she recommended to me.
I scoffed and just ended the conversation and went back to my book. I didn’t tell her I finished it, but I posted a review on an app and she saw it. She hasn’t talked to me since. Thinking back, I feel bad for upsetting her, but I also stand firm on my opinion that I shouldn’t have to put off something I love until someone else is in the “mood” to do so before me.
Does this make me the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk as long as you don’t spoil the story. Everyone should be allowed to read at their own pace. It’s wrong of her to try to hold you back just because it takes her a while to read.
I’d recommend giving your friend a little time to cool off (maybe a week or two) and then invite her to either some coffee or a stroll through a book shop. Try not to bring up the title she’s upset about and hopefully, you both can move on.” cerulean tear
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As long as you weren’t talking directly to her about the contents of the book then you did not need to wait for her to finish especially when she was not in a hurry to do so. She only recommended the series.
That doesn’t give her ownership over how you read it. If she wants to stop being friends over it then it does not sound like a big loss.” Bluemonogi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You would be if you spoiled the story, but it doesn’t sound like you did.
If you don’t have a habit of spoiling things, there’s no reason for her to be upset. It sounds like she may struggle with not being able to read as often as she’d like. As someone with ADHD, I really can not read unless I have a hyperfixation on a book.
I can’t control when it happens or when it ends. It sounds like your friend might have something similar and it sounds like that may be something difficult for her. Or maybe I’m just projecting, but that’s the only reason I can think of that she would be frustrated about this.
Regardless, it’s no excuse to act this way. If this is a friendship you value, I would let her cool off and try and talk about this when you’re both calm. Surely there’s more to this and talking about it might strengthen your friendship, though that only works if you’re both willing.
Either way, you did nothing wrong.” invincible-comics
23. AITJ For Telling My Best Friend It's Crazy To Plan A Trip With A Woman He Barely Knows?
“I have known my best friend (24M) for 6 years now and we talk nearly every day. He is very interested in traveling and recently took a solo trip abroad (We are from the USA and this was a South American country).
While he was there, he checked his social apps out of curiosity about the locals and found that there was only a small handful of women in the town who were on the app. He decided to meet up with the one that matched him and get dinner.
He told me that her accent was very strong and there were some communication issues but that he had a good time. The next day, he spent the whole evening with her going bar hopping and then he had dinner with her again the third day before he left for another town.
Now, less than a week later, he has come back to the USA and told me that he might start planning another trip to a different foreign country with this girl. I was shocked and told him that seemed like a bad idea and he barely knew her.
He said it’s not like she’s going to hurt him or kidnap him because she’s a woman and she has a good job etc so she’s probably a safe person. I told him it’s still a crazy idea to plan a week-long (maybe longer) international trip with someone you’ve known for a couple of days and he got very defensive saying it would be saving him money to split a room with her and no different from a hostel.
I said I was worried that he was talking like this because he’s normally a very practical person and always tells me to think about things logically and safely and he got even more upset and said he never asked for my opinion and it was just a thought.
Am I overreacting by telling him it’s a crazy idea?”
Another User Comments:
“A little bit YTJ. It’s crazy to go on vacation with a “stranger,” but it’s also crazy to go on a date with a “stranger” you never met before. We just don’t think so nowadays because social apps have made it so normalized, but when you THINK about the practice, it’s a bit weird.
Also, just because they just met doesn’t mean they’re going to be as much of a pair of strangers whenever their next vacation happens. They have ALL the time in between now and that future vacation to chat, text, email, facetime, skype, or whatever communication avenues they choose to use to get to know each other more and stay connected.” neoprene
Another User Comments:
“Uhhh, she’s not a stranger? lol. She was when they met, but they had a good connection, probably more than they expected to, and hung out a few times and wanted to see each other again. Whether or not it becomes anything serious, they probably both like having the idea of someone to travel with instead of going solo and they are obviously both single.
I don’t see what your issue is with it. YTJ for getting so involved, your friend is an adult and there are no indications of anything shady here.” Cicity545
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but just lay off him. Put two and two together here.
This is a woman from a South American country who can travel internationally. I don’t think you realize how rich you need to be to be able to travel internationally from a South American Country. She is well off if she’s able to do this.
I’d feel pretty suss about it too but he’s the free-spirit kind of guy who just goes with the flow. If he ends up in trouble then that’s on him. And it’s on you if you still want to be friends with someone who puts themselves in such potentially dangerous situations.” grilled_pc
22. AITJ For Not Informing My Mom About A Mock Graduation Ceremony?
“I (31F) finished my master’s degree program this spring. I had no intention of making a big deal about it and had not even planned on attending my graduation ceremony, so telling people about it wasn’t on my radar. But then last week, I realized graduation was the same day as my fiancé’s (32M) cousin’s (30M) wedding out of state we had already made plans to attend.
My fiancé’s sister (29F) made a joke in the family group chat about me not realizing the wedding and the graduation were on the same day and said we should do a mock poolside graduation at the resort. His mom (59F) said she’d bring a cap and gown.
The groom thought it was hilarious and wanted to “preside over the graduation and make a speech”.
So the pretend graduation happened this past Saturday, we snapped some photos by the pool, and everyone had a good laugh. I posted the pictures on social media and said thank you to my fiancé’s family for doing this for me.
But then today, I got a passive-aggressive text from my mom (65F) asking why I didn’t tell her about the graduation. For the record, my mother does not live in my state, nor the state the wedding was in, and was traveling somewhere else with her sister this past weekend.
I told her I didn’t think it was a big deal and I hadn’t even planned on going to my real graduation anyway. She said it WAS a big deal since I brought a cap and gown and thanked my fiancé’s family on social media for it.
I told her I didn’t plan this and sent her screenshots from my family chat to prove it was nothing more than a last-minute joke. I also apologized for not thinking to tell her about it, but now she’s purposefully ignoring me and my aunt says I was rude and disrespectful for not mentioning the graduation to her.
So…am I the jerk for not disclosing my last minute, 1000 miles away pretend graduation ceremony to my mother?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Congrats on your Masters degree. You should be proud of that accomplishment and relish the fact that so many people, including the Bride and Groom, wanted to honor you on their special day.
You have some truly nice people in your orbit.” Dependent-Panic8473
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It wasn’t a real graduation, it was just something that popped up at a wedding your mom wasn’t going to anyway. If it was a real graduation party, that might be different, but your mom doesn’t have the right to expect to be invited to every little thing.” KelsierIV
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It doesn’t sound like your mom was planning to be there, doesn’t sound like you expected her to be, she’s being a passive-aggressive jerk because what she’s annoyed about is you’re having a good time without her and she’s jealous. It probably never occurred to her that another family would love and value you.
She thought she was numero uno and she’s feeling replaced and neglected. Has she always roped in her family members to double down on her stuff and pressure you? Don’t let her harsh your squee! Why shouldn’t you post your fun? Again, NTJ here OP.
Congratulations on your Masters! That’s awesome! Big internet mom hugs and much happiness to you!” AccomplishedEdge982
21. AITJ For Reclining My Airplane Seat Despite Complaints From A Passenger With Prosthetic Legs?
“Last week I was flying cross country for a work trip. My flights were massively delayed, I was tired and had a headache. So, as most would do (I think), I reclined my seat once I was able, with the hope of catching a few minutes of sleep.
Immediately the person behind me tapped the side of my headrest (loudly) and told me I was squishing their legs. I put my seat up, apologized, and then reclined again, but this time very little. I was trying to avoid squishing their legs, but also not sitting completely upright which is very uncomfortable for me.
Again, this person hit on the headrest and told me I was causing them pain. Again, I put my seat up. Thankfully it was a fairly short flight, but I spent the remainder of the flight frustrated.
In my opinion, if this person was going to be uncomfortable with someone reclining the seat that they paid for, they should’ve selected a seat behind one that didn’t recline (like those behind the exit row), or if finances allowed, a seat with more leg room.
By the time we landed, I was fuming.
Once deplaned, the young lady sitting beside the person immediately behind me, came up to me and told me that the person had prosthetic legs that I had caused them severe pain, and that I didn’t seem to care.
She called me rude. At this point, I was so angry, I just ignored her and walked away.
To me, this person already knew they had some challenges, so why didn’t they book their flight accordingly? Why do I have to be uncomfortable in the seat I chose and paid for because they didn’t plan properly for themself?
My significant other is very tall and always has a hard time with legroom on flights. So he plans, gets seats that best accommodate him, and always tells the people in front of him that they are fine to recline. I travel a ton for work and have never encountered this kind of situation.
AITJ? What would you have done?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, solely for the way you behaved. Odds are, if someone has prosthetics, they would not be able to sit in an exit row (you have to be physically able to assist other passengers in the event of an emergency, and the FA’s make you verbally acknowledge your ability to assist other passengers.
I have had to do that every single time I’ve sat in an exit row). Second.. you say cross-country flight, but then later on, you say fairly short. Which is it? I can see wanting to recline if the flight is long, but on a short flight, reclining is unnecessary, headache or not (and yes, I have flown with a headache, so I know how miserable it is).
Just because the seats recline doesn’t mean you should – the first time someone asked you not to recline should have been the last. Get over yourself.” mangomadness81
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You say a lot about the other person not paying to upgrade to a more comfortable spot.
Well, why didn’t you pay to upgrade to a more roomy class where you can have lots of space to stretch out and sleep? Airplane seats suck. Airliners suck for not caring about the comfort of their passengers. And people who recline seats also suck because you are so focused on easing your discomfort you don’t care that you are exponentially increasing the discomfort for those behind you.” Bumblebee7305
20. AITJ For Confronting My Partner About Lying To Me After A Night Out?
“My (26F) partner (26M) and I have been together for 1.5 years and live together. He was working last night (he works in a bar) and decided to stay after work for some drinks with people that he works with. He said he wouldn’t be out too late, but then I received texts saying it would be later, and later etc, etc. I fell asleep and woke up around 1:30 am and he wasn’t home.
I thought to check his location to find my friends to see if he was making his way home, and he was going in the opposite direction to where we lived.
Once he got home I confronted him about it and asked why he was way out on the other side of town.
He wasn’t expecting that I’d have checked his location, and I then watched him lie to my face by saying that he was in a taxi taking his male coworker home. He’d forgotten that we’d both been to this male coworker’s home before, and it was nowhere near where he was that night.
I asked calmly why he was lying to me and he eventually told me that he’d gotten into a taxi with his female coworker (21F) and dropped her off at home before coming home himself.
I asked why he lied to me, and he said that he thought I would react badly if he told me the truth.
I’ve not reacted badly to anything like this before and am generally not that jealous of a person. I feel as though the fact he lied about it has given me a reason to worry, rather than the act itself.
I also can’t help but wonder why he would feel the need to share a taxi with his female coworker home when she lives way far out from our home, he said he did it to make sure she got home safe, is she not an adult who can get herself home safely?
We’ve never had issues with trust before so I feel a pit in my stomach that this incident has broken that after he needlessly lied to me. Am I overreacting? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lying is the biggest issue. I also don’t love when my partners in the past have moved the goalposts of when they’re going to be home because they keep drinking.
You need to have a serious conversation with him about lying. Regardless of how he’ll think you’ll react, that’s no excuse to lie to your face and you cannot have a healthy relationship with this behavior.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I won’t go into whether or not I think he’s being unfaithful, I’ve lied to people about really stupid stuff and been caught in it before.
He could have made a dumb move and just told a lie because he thought you’d act a certain way, he could be being unfaithful to you. Regardless he’s the jerk for lying no matter if he was or wasn’t being unfaithful to you. If I was going somewhere alone with a girl I’d probably let my partner know ahead of time.” FerdinandVonCarstein
19. AITJ For Telling Off A Child Scratching My New Car?
“So, Sunday morning I took my wife and kid out for brunch at a new, trendy place for Mother’s Day.
The wait was around 30 to 40 minutes. No biggie.
It was really good but we noticed a lot of the patrons were very self-involved. Sitting in the walking aisle and not moving, etc.
On the way out, I noticed a child leaning against our new car.
I walked towards the car without saying anything until they started rubbing their zippered jacket along the hood back and forth. I looked at the parents and they weren’t paying attention, so I called out “Hey. No.”.
I don’t think I yelled it, but I said “Stop scratching my car, kid.” And to their credit, they did stop.
I walked around them put our things in the back and then hopped in. My wife was driving because I recently had foot surgery. She was backing up and said, “And now they’re filming us”.
I was confused and she clarified the dad of the little girl was filming our car as we drove away.
I assume to get our license plate. I was more than a little annoyed and wanted to get out of the car to tell the guy off, but my wife, seeing reason, said to let it go. Which I did. I did not get out of the car.
I did not flip him off. I just grumbled a bit.
But my kid went on about how they were going to call the police on us. Try to get arrested. Etc. They were adopted and anything like that is a trigger for them. Looking back I feel like I should have said nothing because of the fallout of triggering our child.
My wife says I’m not a jerk, but here it is.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did nothing wrong. Taking the extra time to ‘find’ the parent doesn’t work when the kid is actively causing damage. Their filming was a wasted effort, unless you were going to reward them with more action (thank you wifey, for shutting that down!) So they got a boring scene of a car driving away and no proof of whatever story they tell.
As far as trying not to trigger your kid – that’s a hard thing to avoid, and hopefully, the lesson your child will eventually get from this is: Dad said a heated No, someone maybe didn’t like it, but Nothing Happened.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think your kid could use reassurance that no matter what, you’ll protect them. It’s okay to be fearful, but they have to recognize when it’s keeping them from standing up to themselves/allowing others to hurt them or damage their property.
That person is being obnoxious, it’s okay to protect your property. You will always defend and protect your family and property. Sometimes traumatized kids/adults need the repetitive reminders of being safe & protected so the idea of now having safety can start to take root in their brain.” BoopityGoopity
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you did nothing wrong, if the parents don’t tell their kid not to touch other people’s property, then, unfortunately, the owner of the property that could potentially get damaged has every right to say nothing but a “Hey no” to the kid, you weren’t abusive, you just said no to him scratching your new car up if it was my kid first off he wouldn’t be doing that, I wouldn’t allow it, and if he did and you caught him first and said that, I would apologize to you, not see my son as a victim.” Ok_Bet2898
18. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law She's An Idiot For Expecting Wedding Gifts After Eloping?
“When I married my husband we had a smallish wedding. 150 guests. Trust me, that’s small for our families.
We paid for everything ourselves. All together we spent about $25,000. It was in our budget and we had saved up for it. And that included everything.
My dress, the wedding party’s dresses and tux rentals, catering, you name it we paid and came in under budget.
Our guests were family and close friends. The way it should be. And they were generous with gifts, both from our registry and cash in envelopes.
When everything was said and done our house was filled with great stuff we needed. And our savings were several thousand dollars over where we started before we paid for the wedding.
My husband’s sister just eloped in February. And nobody found out about it until early April when she sent out links to her wedding registry.
Not too many people have bought anything off of it yet. And she is getting upset about that.
All she talks about whenever we speak is how cheap everyone is.
Every conversation leads back to the same topic.
After more than a month of this, I have had enough. I asked her if she understood why we got gifts when I married her brother. Like at our physical wedding that took place at a church and then a reception at a rented ballroom.
She said I was treating her like an idiot and that she understood the difference between our weddings. I asked her why she would expect the same treatment for two very different events. I said that only an idiot would think the outcome would be the same in both situations.
She is mad at me. My husband said he was also frustrated with her stupidity but that I should apologize for calling her an idiot.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Most people are not going to buy a gift for a wedding they were not invited to.
So a person gets married, I am not invited to anything, not even to a sad Coca-Cola, and I am expected to buy a gift? If I am incredibly close to that person, maybe I would buy something small, but if not, I would only offer some congratulations and she can thank her lucky stars that nobody has answered sarcastically to receiving her registry.” Old_Satisfaction2319
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. It wasn’t nice to call her an idiot but I get tired of hearing her whine when she clearly doesn’t understand people don’t generally give gifts when there’s no celebration. But I would like to know how you pulled off a wedding with 150 guests on $25k.
I spent $30k on my wedding with half as many guests (and it wasn’t at all lavish) so I’d like to hear how you budgeted this.” cbm984
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is saying you should not have called her an idiot. Sorry, but there are some people that you need to tell that to.
If that’s what finally got through to her, then that was the right choice. Time will tell. I’ve been called an idiot many times before and later realized they were right.” Neat_Strength_2602
17. AITJ For Being Upset My Husband Didn't Wish Me Happy Mother's Day?
“Today is Mother’s Day. My (48F) and my daughter (21F) were at home all day while my husband (50M) had to work. He left for work before I woke up.
My mom sent me a text to wish me a happy Mother’s Day which I reciprocated. I sent out messages to my mom’s friends, my SIL, my MIL, and any other mom I could think of.
My husband came home from work. Said nothing. He watched some TV with me and then mentioned he was going to go to bed.
I asked him if he had wished his mom a happy Mother’s Day. He said no. He quite often doesn’t realize the date etc so I asked him if he realized that today was Mother’s Day.
He snapped and said “Well yeah. The hundred or so Mother’s Day balloons we sold kind of gave it away.”
Oh. I waited a couple of minutes, thinking that maybe he would say it. When he didn’t I asked if he was going to wish me a happy Mother’s Day.
He sighed and rolled his eyes and said “Well if you want me to, happy Mother’s Day I guess.”
To be clear, I didn’t want any gifts. I have been out of work since mid-March after losing my job of 8 years. We can’t afford any extra expense.
I have been feeling quite down and stressed about being out of work and how to get our bills paid. All I wanted was a “hey, happy Mother’s Day”. That’s it. That’s all. What I got was silence and sarcasm. Also, I don’t blame my daughter.
She is autistic and is not cognizant of time and days. She would forget her birthday if she wasn’t reminded. But my husband is another story. I didn’t get wished a happy birthday either despite me at least wishing him a good day on his special day.
Is asking for a simple happy Mother’s Day asking too much? AITJ for being hurt and upset?”
Another User Comments:
“I completely disagree with the comment ahead of me. Mother’s Day is a lovely time for husbands and all family members to acknowledge mothers, not just kids.
Your husband should at least acknowledge it since you’re the person who did the leg work on your kids. If we’re lucky, we have a good mom to celebrate but every father in a good relationship should completely celebrate the mother who made them a father.” Fantastic-Reward6270
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Happy Mother’s Day! I think men should acknowledge the mother of their children on this day. I don’t understand why it’s debated or unnormalized at all. I’m sorry you didn’t get any unprompted or sincere acknowledgment.
Once he realized you wanted to be appreciated he could have done so sincerely. You’re a mother. Today is your day, period.” PuzzleheadedRate5785
16. AITJ For Suing My Ex-Friend Who Gave My Dog Away While I Was Ill?
“I (61F) was very ill about a year ago and no one knew what was wrong for a long time.
I was falling a lot and unable to get around well. I had moved into a new apartment on the second floor. I have two dogs and at that point was unable to take them out, walk them, etc. Needless to say, their bathroom habits digressed. I kept down puppy pads and cleaned up multiple times a day.
Fast forward a couple of months, and I started passing out. I passed out, fell, and broke my foot in multiple places. I was in the hospital and the rehab hospital for about a month.
In the meantime, a friend had volunteered to watch my dogs.
One of the dogs is a lot more work than the other. I’ve had him since 2017 when I adopted him from the humane society. She had a few cats as well as the dogs and decided that they were all too much, so she gave the dog to a friend to take care of.
I did not know this friend. It took me a bit to get to the point I was able to take care of my dogs again.
At that point, she brought the one dog back and a few weeks later, told me that the friend moved and she didn’t know where and didn’t want to give my dog back then blocked me.
I filed a police report and the other day I filed a lawsuit for $10,000 for my dog back. That’s the maximum in the low court here. This has fractured my friend group as some still believe I shouldn’t have my dog back, regardless that I’m better now than I have been in a few years.
I’m not going to say what I was diagnosed with because it’s rare enough that it would give me completely away.
AITJ for suing my former friend because she gave away my dog?”
Another User Comments:
“You will never see that dog again. Your “friend” didn’t want to deal with the mess, which I can understand when it wasn’t her dog that she loved. On the other hand, she had zero right to give the dog away, doubtless to a shelter and not an imaginary friend, without consulting you.
Whether you had asked her to water your plants or care for a coffee table, especially because this is a sentient being with emotions, she had to ask you what to do when the task became a burden. Period. So yes, sue. You won’t get $10K even with intentional infliction of emotional distress thrown in there, and you’ll need quite a lot of proof for that to go over.
The value of the dog will likely be much less. But you can probably also ask for all costs to adopt, neuter, inoculate, microchip, and train another dog — you may not get it, but it never hurts to ask. Speaking of microchips, is the dog chipped?
If so, send an alert to the company to be on the lookout for your pet if it shows up anywhere. You’re NTJ but your friend is beyond.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because regardless, you don’t just take someone’s dog. That’s heartless, and even more so you don’t give a friend’s dog to someone else without discussing it with the owner.
That’s crazy. However, I think you should’ve considered rehoming the dogs before any of this started, when you say you couldn’t take them outside for a period that resulted in them using puppy pads inside, it takes a lot of time for them to regress like that and honestly, your dogs aren’t there for you, you’re there for them.
If you can’t even provide the fundamental basics to a dog of daily walks, interaction, play, good food, and water then you shouldn’t have them.” ijmy3
Another User Comments:
“Whew. This isn’t going to be a popular opinion- but here goes. I’ve been on the medical side of cases like this.
Sometimes pet owners don’t realize that they are unable to care for a pet and live in some pretty harsh conditions. See the comment re peepee pads. The pets themselves may suffer from anxiety disorders or medical conditions. I’m willing to bet there is more to this story.
This one dog needed “more work”. Was it untrained? Large breed? Medical issues? This sounds like it was an extended period if alternate arrangements needed to be made. There is a possibility here that this pet was removed with good intentions. Even the friend group is split.” ChillyFootballChick7
15. AITJ For Wanting Acknowledgement On Mother's Day Despite My Husband's Trauma?
“For background, my husband’s mom died when he was 1.
He was the youngest of 8 kids, and the trauma of losing their mom made Mother’s Day hard on him. Mostly noted that he was always sent to the guidance counselor as a kid whenever kids did Mother’s Day crafts at school, his siblings who remembered their mom would act out, and overall the day was uncomfortable for him.
We have 3 kids together ages ranging from 3-12, with our 12-year-old being from his previous relationship. For Father’s Day, we always do a little trip/activity, and the kids and I make him breakfast and give him some gifts. He will often ask what we’re doing do Father’s Day weekend, so he expects this.
Mother’s Day around our house is like walking on eggshells. Usually the weekend there is always a lot of heavy drinking on his part and any means to start a fight with me. I’m often belittled, and everything that is wrong with me is spewed out.
My kids make me gifts at school and they often hand them to me when their dad isn’t around because they know how he is.
After every outburst, he says that’s just what happens because of the trauma, and I need to know that that’s always how he’s going to be.
Because I understand it’s a hard holiday for him, I usually just let all of the behavior go and forget about it. Meanwhile, he’ll shoot a “Happy Mother’s Day, thanks for being such a great mom!” text to his ex every year.
I get no acknowledgment, and now I completely dread the holiday because I know how I’m going to be treated. AITJ for wanting some appreciation on the holiday? I am accepting that I’m never going to get a full-on Mother’s Day spread, and don’t expect it from him with how much he doesn’t like the holiday.
I always see everyone post getting flowers, breakfast in bed with a card, and it makes me feel so sad. AITJ for wanting him to “suck it up” for lack of better terms. I understand trauma is complicated, but am I along with my kids supposed to just hate Mother’s Day too?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband was a one-year old when his mother died. Undoubtedly, he has no recollection of her, the funeral, or what happened immediately afterward. Unless he was mistreated by a person who took over the role of “mother,” why is he holding on to his being traumatized?
Your husband’s attitude sucks — especially since his positive message to his ex says a lot about his attitude toward you. He needs therapy. For what it’s worth, I am an only child; Siblings Day does not upset me. ” Bubbly_You8213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Take the kids on a Mother’s Day weekend trip. This way they can celebrate you without tip-toeing around their dad. I’m going to assume that the 12-year-old will be with his bio mom, so it’ll just be you three. If he gets angry then tell him his trauma is not yours and your kid’s trauma.
They have a mom who they want to celebrate and no matter what they do you will support your kids over him. He needs more trained support than what you can give him. He needs therapy” Effective_Brief8295
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. How is he cool with it for his ex but not ok with it for you?
Also, trauma isn’t a good enough reason to belittle and mistreat someone. Instead of crying about it, he should do something about it. Like therapy. I’m sorry he’d much rather stay stuck than progress and heal. It sucks that he ruins the entire holiday for everyone.
If he can’t handle the holiday then maybe he should at least be absent for the day and allow your kids and you to enjoy it.” DemenTEDBundy85
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move Into My Partner's Family Flat?
“My partner [26F] and I [27M] have been together for over 4 years and we want to move in together.
We both currently live with our respective families. Her family has a flat in a nearby small town (30-40min by train) where we could live rent-free. However, her sister, who has health issues, can’t and doesn’t want to leave their home very often. This means my partner wants to stay close to support her sister and spend time with her, as her sister doesn’t have much of a social life outside the family.
My concern is that I’m not comfortable with this arrangement. My partner has started renovating the flat despite my doubts. I tried to find a compromise, but she insisted that moving there was the only right thing to do. Her family even suggested her sister have a room in the flat, which makes me uncomfortable.
The family is quite toxic, constantly fighting, and I fear getting drawn into their issues. Despite reassurances, I worry the family might be around more than anticipated.
Apart from family concerns, I also worry about my personal needs. I don’t know anyone in that town, and all my family and friends are in the nearby big city.
I value the cultural amenities short commute to work (15 minutes now; would be 60 minutes if I moved there), and do not need a car for everything.
I’ve tried discussing my needs and the benefits of staying in the big city, but my partner seems focused only on her family and financial considerations.
She makes me feel guilty, claiming I don’t love her if I don’t immediately agree to move or that I don’t want to live together with her at all.
I feel stuck and don’t know how to resolve this. I love my partner, but I don’t want to sacrifice everything for her toxic family.
I also feel deeply hurt that I’m left out of the whole decision and feel resentful towards my partner since January.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it seems like your partner has made a choice between you and her family, and you lost. Your reasons for not wanting to move are valid, but if she’s not going to even listen to them, her mind is made up.
Your only choice now is to give in or stay separate and try to make your relationship work.” Ok_Childhood_9774
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her behavior here shows how she will be with any big decision. If you have kids, they will be part of a big, toxic family.
If you have a kid her little sister wants to play with, you may not have a say about whether the kid has to stay indoors more for the little sister’s benefit too. You may end up looking after the little sister forever more. You should sit down and have a talk with your partner about how unheard you feel and how unfair it seems to only be offered choices that are her choices.
Her reaction will probably let you know, deep down, whether you have a partner who listens to you, respects you, and tries to find compromises that will make you both content. There is nothing wrong with your partner wanting to put her family first, but it shows where you rank for every decision in the future as well.
Is it equal?” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – moving in together is a big deal that you both need to be happy with. You would be sacrificing a lot if you moved in with her. The commute, the accessibility of everything in the city, being near your friends and family, your privacy living with the sister, your time and energy having to take care of the sister, etc. What is she sacrificing?
Is being miserable worth free rent? If you do move in, I see you becoming resentful and the relationship not working. Just don’t do it. If not moving in now means the end of the relationship, that is for the best.” buttpickles99
13. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Involve Our Kids In Mother's Day Celebration?
“It’s Mother’s Day in my country and my husband broke my heart. I’m crying in our bed as we speak.
We have two boys, aged 8 and 11.
They’re great kids and I love them dearly. To me, this day is about celebrating our bond.
On Father’s Day, I make sure to have done grocery shopping so that I can surprise him with some orange juice and strawberries, or something special for breakfast. I make sure to have little gifts but most importantly, I make sure to include our kids.
I think it is very important to show them how to treat your loved ones.
This morning, the kids were watching. My husband went downstairs to make breakfast. When they were little, they would help him and would give him a little drawing or whatever they made at school.
I have such fond memories of their little footsteps on the stairs and giggles of excitement.
This year, it was just my husband. He had made me a stale sandwich and gave me a gift card.
I asked him where the kids were and he said he didn’t want them bickering.
I thanked him for the sandwich and gift card, but couldn’t keep my composure. I started crying and he asked why. I told him that Mother’s Day is about the children. I don’t expect a gift from him, I’m not his mom. The only thing I want for him is to accommodate our boys.
Go to the dollar store or whatever and ask them to pick out a little something for mommy. Or ask them to make a drawing. Or at the very least, ask them to help make breakfast and bring it upstairs.
One year they went to the thrift shop.
I loved it! My youngest picked up an outrageous necklace and I wore it with pride. It’s not about the money. It’s about showing them how to be affectionate to the ones you love.
He went downstairs angry. I’m in bed crying. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have trouble blaming this on communication or expectations – it’s Mother’s Day. He decided to not involve your children… On Mother’s Day. He made it about him… Giving you a gift card? And he thought you should be happy with that? 8 and 11 are old enough to take their initiative, but considering it’s kinda dad’s job to lead by example on how to treat mom on Mother’s Day, of course, they also came up short.
That’s something that can come with communication, but the husband not even considering that Mother’s Day isn’t and shouldn’t be about him is a different issue” Kitastrophe8503
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think you may need to just reset your expectations a bit.
Your oldest is 11. The days of drawing pictures for Mommy are probably over. And the younger one most likely takes his cues from his brother. Next Mother’s Day, try starting a new tradition. You all go on a cinema trip together in the afternoon or something.
Or forget the breakfast in bed, and everyone goes to IHOP together. Go bowling. Celebrate with your kids where they are now, not holding to the days when they were tiny.” tempered olive
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. My opinion is that gifts must be willingly gifted and not demanded or made mandatory, etc. It depends on your family dynamics, how you treat your husband and kids and how they treat you, your relationship dynamics, how much time you spend with your kids, what you teach them about the world, and even what personalities they all have.
The best thing for you would be to take them out shopping for something for you, it’s not as nice as just receiving gifts but it’s better than getting sad about things that you know most likely won’t happen.” forgeries
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Sister To My Birthday Party?
“I (F) have a birthday coming up. While I don’t want to share my age online, I will say that I am a teenager and it is not any milestone type of birthday. I have an older sister, who we’ll call Lacy (F).
Lacy and I have always fought a lot. We’ve never really gotten along, even as we’ve gotten older.
In February, Lacy went to live with our dad instead of our mom, so I rarely see her much anymore, considering we go to different schools.
Around a week later in February, Lacy asked me what I was planning to do for my birthday. I said I wasn’t sure yet, but probably wanted to hang out with some friends & my significant other. I then talked about people I wanted to be there, and she asked if she was invited. I tried to be polite, and say that I just wanted to do something with my friends and that we were still planning to do a family thing around then too.
She got upset at this, and said “Well am I, not your friend?” We fought, with her saying that I should invite her just because she is my sister, and that if it were reversed, she would invite me. She wasn’t taking no for an answer, so we dropped the conversation for that time.
We had the same argument around 3 or 4 more times, including when we had the same argument last night. She wasn’t taking my reason for the truth and said that I “must hate her and that’s why I don’t want her there.” This entire situation feels ridiculous, and I feel like I’m going crazy.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s your day and only you choose who can be there. As for your sister, it looks like she doesn’t wanna be at your party because she wants to be there for herself. The way your whole post is it looks like she knows only how to fight with you.
She will only make your party worse, with more arguments, and more negativity. She just wants to enter your party and once she is in, it’s her party to ruin for you. Because any friend or sister doesn’t force themself in some party until there is some personal motive.
Or else she would have let the topic go and leave you alone and respect your decision.” Sufficient_Hippo5081
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Neighbor To Stay At My Place Again?
“So my neighbor who I’ve known for 8 months and have hung out with a handful of times asked if she could stay at my place up to 4 days a month.
Her ex and she can’t afford 2 homes and decided to save money by sharing one place, with their kid their F/t, and the parents alternating finding other arrangements.
When she asked me, I was swamped and overwhelmed with intense coursework, working f/t, etc. I wasn’t thinking, felt sorry for her, and said ok.
Then a couple weeks later she asked to stay for the first time. I said ok, but a couple of days later I got an invitation with short notice to a job interview. It required a lot of preparation and I was anxious about it.
I told her this and that I needed a distraction-free environment. She was planning to make dinner which was nice but not good timing. I said I can’t be socializing and she said if it was too much she could make other plans. It didn’t sound sincere or like she had a back up so I said it’s ok, not wanting to go back on my word.
It was so stressful for me. Her 11-year-old kid ended up coming over. He was commenting on how much space I had and said some uncomfortable things. She offered to take my kid to the park but what I needed was not to be disrupted and have privacy.
My fault for not thinking this through and not having boundaries. She said she’d compensate me but it seems to turn out she’s thinking of helping out when she happens to be there, not with rent or anything.
WIBTJ if I tell her it’s not happening again?
It stresses me out so much (not even her being there so much as that it hit me what I stupidly agreed to – with no end date). I didn’t sleep at all that night because I was stressed about this situation and blew my job interview.
I’m so upset that I screwed up a potential opportunity for a situation I could have avoided if I’d looked out for my own needs.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m confused- what even is this arrangement your neighbor wants? She wants to temporarily live with you while sharing a place with her ex.
Whatever it is, I think you would not be a jerk if you changed your mind about it, especially if it is causing you this much stress and anxiety. It’s your home and your comfort takes priority. Just let her know that on giving the matter some further thought, the arrangement is not going to work for you and she will need to sort out something else.” Pure-Philosopher-175
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…let a neighbor know you provided a one-time assistance. This will not be a regular thing for you to accommodate her and her ex’s plans. She will have to work out on her own where she will be staying.” Worth-Season3645
10. AITJ For Being Upset That My Parents Told My Sister I'm Buying A House?
“So I (28F) recently got the opportunity to purchase a house that has been in the family for quite a while (80+ years). I have been staying at home with my parents rent-free for nearly my entire life. I occasionally contribute with groceries, dinners, household chores, and yardwork, but they have never charged me rent despite my offering.
I work in public education and don’t make great money so it has been very helpful to save up. I started the purchase process and have locked in an interest rate and have nearly everything ready.
The closing date is set for a month from now.
I have asked my parents not to say anything to my sister (26F) until I close and start to move because we don’t get along well. I don’t want to deal with the fallout I believe will come. She has also been living at home, but instead of saving money, she spends quite a bit.
2 new cars within 3 years, large tattoos, vacations, etc. She has a large storage unit filled with stuff she claims she has bought for when she buys a house. I don’t care how she spends her money, but she makes significantly more than me and has wiped most of her savings out by living like this.
Instead of waiting like I asked, they went ahead and told her. They claimed it was “too difficult” to keep it a secret and that she “knew something was going on”. Now she is throwing a tantrum saying that it isn’t fair I get to buy a house and she doesn’t, claiming that they never helped her with anything, etc. Every time she sees me she is upset and starts a fight.
I told them that this was what was going to happen and they claimed that they couldn’t have known/didn’t think she was going to act like this. I feel like I am rightfully upset about this, but they say I am acting like a child and need to just get over it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“She claims they never helped her with anything? Uhhhhh. How about a free place to live!? That’s a luxury, to be honest, and not very many people get that opportunity. Some kids are turning 18 and saying their parents will be charging them rent.
NTJ. just ignore your sister and don’t engage. She’s just upset because you’re getting something she isn’t.” Wolf-Pack85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would stay in my room as much as possible and refuse to talk to my sister or parents.
You told them she would act like that, she is acting like that, but you’re the one acting like a child? They should be telling your sister to stop whining every time she misbehaves. Not buying a house of her own is the price your sister paid to spend her money the way she wanted. Once you move it’s no longer your circus or monkeys.
Leave them be.” KamatariPlays
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Point out to your sister that you aren’t doing anything to stop her from buying a house. She needs to go to her credit union/bank and get pre-qualified for a mortgage. They’ll tell her what they’re willing to lend her.
Then she should start looking. Something tells me they won’t lend her much if at all if she’s that bad with her money. That should shut her up.” BigCoffeePot999
9. AITJ For Refusing To Move Out So My Pregnant Twin Can Have Two Rooms?
“I (22f) have lived with my parents my whole life, I have one daughter (1f).
Even though my situation isn’t perfect I help out, I buy groceries as well as help pay for wifi and bills. I contribute financially as much as I physically can, I’m currently working 2 jobs and I’m not a burden to my parents in any way.
My daughter is in bed asleep by the time I’m working and she doesn’t require anything from my parents. Although my parents are happy to help if needs be. I’m a single mum and she’s with her dad every other weekend.
My parents’ house has four bedrooms, they have the master bedroom, then, my daughter and my younger sister (19f) have three of the smaller bedrooms. It is a tight fit however all of us have enough space. My twin sister (also 22f) who I’ll call Jade is currently 9 months pregnant and planning on moving back in with my parents.
Jade doesn’t have a job and is very much the type of person to sleep around. She doesn’t even know who the dad is, I told her she could have my daughter’s room and I’ll move her into my bedroom with me.
She told me I should move out and get my place as she wanted her baby to have her room, and that I had a job and could move out. I explained to her though I do work and make money I wouldn’t nearly be able to give her as many wonderful things as I’m able to give her if I was living on my own.
The cost to live right now is so expensive and I wouldn’t be able to just leave my daughter in her bed going to work without an adult in the house. I told her I’m not moving out and she’s calling me a jerk which I don’t think is fair so I’ll ask you; am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister is a jerk though – she has no right to demand that you move out just because she wants two rooms. Every sane person would thank you for freeing that room for them, clearly not your sister. Also, people who immediately resort to insults after being rejected do not deserve even what you are giving them.
So do what is best for you and sadly you will have to coexist with your sister, wouldn’t be surprised if she dumps her child soon enough to you or your parents.” forgeries
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not moving out so she can have two rooms, but you… honestly are both coming off as a little entitled arguing about how to divide up rooms in your parents’ house like you own the place when neither of you are independent of them.” TreeHuggerHannah
Another User Comments:
“Y’all are so brainwashed into thinking independent lives from the family unit is what being an adult is. In most Asian/Hispanic countries it’s normal and expected for multiple generations to live together. While this circumstance is different than the average situation, it’s really common.
The younger sister is entitled and being a jerk but every single adult in that household should be paying forward their fair share of expenses. Whether that be bills, chores, etc. there’s no reason for anyone to be living at home with their parents and not helping in major ways around the house.
NTJ.” oo_rakshashi_oo
8. AITJ For Refusing To Continue My Partner's Hobbies After He Berates Me?
“My (30F) partner Max (35M, together for two years) is actively trying to interest me in his hobbies.
However, he goes about it weirdly.
He wanted me skiing with him. I was excited as I imagined he would teach me, that we’ll laugh a lot and bond tighter.
He did indeed teach me, shouting and getting frustrated each time I made a mistake.
I was cold, miserable, and scared to annoy him even more. It’s humiliating to hear that “a 5yo can do it better” and “how should I phrase it to get through this skull of yours”, so after two hours I fell, faked a sprained ankle, and that was thankfully the end of my suffering.
I also got really scared – I never raise my voice, and it’s scary when someone aggressively shouts at me.
He also wanted me to take tango lessons as he dances. He’s taking them for half a year and, according to him, I won’t be able to dance with him for a long time since he already knows a lot.
I should practice on my own and when I’m deemed acceptable he will join me. I saw him dance, and frankly, it’s like watching C3PO dance, he’s still clumsy and not hearing music that well, so, in my opinion, I wouldn’t drag him down that much.
But it’s non-negotiable, and I’m also not allowed to his dance club events to not humiliate myself (his words).
I’m fed up, and I told him that I want a hobby to be fun, not to suffer being shouted at or abandoned unless I conform to some ridiculous standard of his, while spending a ton of money on equipment.
He told me I’m the jerk not willing to make the tiniest effort to have more in common with him.
I have a lot of hobbies I enjoy – I play video games with my game buddies, I like movies and books, I play the guitar, and love to sing.
He doesn’t share any of it and I don’t expect him to. We both like traveling and sightseeing, not that we never do anything together.
He’s sulking for a month, and I wonder if I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, is this something you can deal with 5 years from now?
If children are on the table, are you prepared to have them being taught new skills the way he’s taught you, by berating and yelling? (If kids are off the table, ignore this question)” crocodilezebramilk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but why are you with this person?
He yelled at you and insulted you because you weren’t an Olympic skier on your first day? Was he? I would be reconsidering the whole relationship – he has exposed his true self which would be more than enough for me to pull the pin on this one.” alien_overlord_1001
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he wanted you to have more in common with him, he should have behaved better. He makes every activity unpleasant for you and then can’t understand why you don’t want to participate. Can you imagine the hissy fit he’d throw if you turned out to be a better dancer than he is?
It doesn’t sound like it would take much for you to exceed his skill level. You can find someone who doesn’t berate you or try to make you feel inferior and have a good time learning new things.” SpiffyInk
7. AITJ For Insisting On Simple Flower Girl Dresses Despite My Sister's Objections?
“I am getting married in one month and my partner and I already have a 1-year-old together who will be one of our flower girls. My sister, a mother of two girls, threw a fit when I said I wanted a kid-free wedding and stated that the right thing to do would be to ask her kiddos to be flower girls.
I decided I didn’t care that much and decided to make her two girls and my daughter the flower girls for our wedding.
My sister and I are super different. I’m a very simple person who likes laid-back clothing and a make-up-free vibe.
My sister is a girly girl who loves to wear dresses and doesn’t skip a day without makeup. It’s safe to say that our kids follow in their respective parent’s footsteps.
When I sent my sister the flower girl dress options she said she didn’t know if her girls would like them.
I started looking for more and landed on a dress that I liked and had sizes for all three girls. My sister ordered the dresses and sent me a picture with her girls scowling in a photo wearing the dresses saying they wouldn’t smile wearing the dress.
I told her I’d keep looking but that I wanted simple flower girl dresses so any dress I picked would be a similar vibe. My sister proceeded to order more dresses full of bows and tutus in a different color than what I’d wanted. She also picked a dress that didn’t have a size that would fit my baby.
She then sent other dresses that would fit babies that she said I could buy that was completely different than what I wanted.
I reminded her that it was my wedding and I wanted the girls to wear simple dresses since my wedding dress was so simple she told me that she was doing her best and there was a way to make everyone happy.
AITJ jerk for pushing her on this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why are you letting your sister hijack your wedding? Tell her she has made this too stressful, you’re going with the original dress you picked out, and that’s it. Tell her the nieces are NOT invited. It’s child-free.
She can stay home with them. You need to stay strong, it’s ok to say no. Make yourself happy, this is Your wedding. Shine up your spine, take control, and have a great wedding, exactly the way you want it!!” Less_Ordinary_8516
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Fire the flower girls. Since when do flower girls or other smaller members of the bridal party get to pick and choose what they wear? If they are being manipulated by their mother, they’ll all learn a lesson. If they are picky, then they will think twice next time someone offers a role in a wedding.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m wondering if the picture of her girls scowling was staged. She wants to get her way. Stop looking for something else and have them wear what you first chose. You don’t need to bend over backward to accommodate your sister.
This is your wedding. Her girls can wear these dresses for the ceremony. If your sister is upset over them, she can then put them in different dresses afterward. Stand your ground.” goldenfingernails
6. AITJ For Wanting To Spend My First Mother's Day With My Own Family Instead Of My Mom?
“Let me just start by saying that it’s not that I don’t want to celebrate with my mom, I just want it to be on another day.
It’s my first Mother’s Day ever and to be frank I want it to be about me and not about my mom. My husband has a very special day planned for me and I want to enjoy it with him and my daughter.
So I explained just that to my mom – it’s my first Mother’s Day, I want it to be special and I want it to be with my family could we please do something together on Saturday or Monday?
Growing up it was just my mom and I so we developed a codependent relationship.
I have been in therapy for over 5 years now trying to unlearn the unhealthy relationship that I have with my mother. It was impacting my relationship with my husband, my friends, and even my relationship with my dad (they separated when I was 3). Not only that but my mom has been a heavy drinker my whole life.
So I have had to unlearn all of that and learn to create boundaries. So this is one I’m trying to draw.
My mother threw. A. Fit. Saying comments like “oh so you don’t want to spend Mother’s Day with your mother?
Huh” and “if you’re not spending Mother’s Day with me then you won’t be spending Father’s Day with your dad then” and making comments about how I’m angry and I need to go to therapy. Unwilling to compromise with me on going out another night “I’m good thanks” or “I’m gonna do what I want”.
I feel defeated. I don’t think my mom is emotionally mature, I don’t think she’ll ever respect my decisions around my family or my daughter, and if it’s not her way then I’m the bad guy. And I can’t help my internalize that a bit.
So, what do you all think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…your mom is manipulating you. You deserve to celebrate your motherhood. This day is about you and your family that you created. You were being kind and considerate to ask for another day to make it clear your mom was special to you.
She should accept it. Enjoy your day, OP…the way YOU want to.” Hopeful-Material4123
Another User Comments:
“You know you’re NTJ….and you’ll get all that reassurance here….so the question is, how much reassurance is it going to take so that you’ll make the right decision and not feel bad about it?
If you accept that your relationship has become unhealthy, she has questionable decision-making and behavioral skills given her heavy drinking, so you already know her judgments of you are largely based on how she feels about herself, and how you can fill HER needs. so the question is, are you going to continue to be a slave to her, or are you going to prioritize YOUR family and make healthy choices for them?
I wish you the best of luck and I’m sorry you’re in a tough spot.” Canadian_01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ In anger management therapy, we teach that we can’t control how other people react to situations and whatnot, but we can control how we react.
Once you have said what you need to say to your mother, it’s not your burden to carry her anger towards it. Now I know it’s easier said than done, but you should try to let it go. Every time you catch yourself thinking about this, take a breath, tell yourself that you can’t control how everyone feels about you, and mentally shrug it off.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Not Defending My Best Friend When My Husband Kicked Him Out Over Our Cats?
“A few weeks ago, my best friend came to visit my fiancé (now husband) & me, they’re best friends too by the way. He was staying with us for a few days.
We have 3 cats who are very active & for the life of me, I could not figure out how to make them stop eating EVERYTHING they come across.
They’re well but they’re never satisfied lol
My best friend used to like cats but lately, whenever he comes over, he keeps complaining about how they’re not well-behaved & that they eat the food he leaves out & are too active. We tell him that they’re cats & that he should watch his food or put it in the fridge if he’s not going to eat it right away.
They don’t know better & that being active is healthy so we’re not going to restrict them.
One of those days he was staying with us, he left a sandwich with meat inside on the counter & they started eating it, he got upset & started insulting them.
He was saying that they’re just trouble & we’d be better off without them. That was my husband’s last straw. He told him that if he wasn’t going to tolerate them then we’re better off without HIM, & that if he’s going to keep disrespecting them in their own home then he should leave.
My best friend wanted to storm off but I tried to calm the situation down & told him that my husband was just angry & that he had a point but tried to be as nice about it as possible but I didn’t intervene as my husband was telling him to leave.
He left & said that he’d calm down & talk to me but as soon as he took the train, he blocked me from everything even though I didn’t say anything (I still agree with my husband’s stance, but kicking him out was a bit harsh I think), it’s been almost a month that this happened & I don’t know if I should have stepped in?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you absolutely should not have stepped in. He was a guest. As a guest, he does not get to disrespect any of the members of the household in their own home, which includes the animals, and if he steps too far over a boundary, he has to leave.
You all told him not to leave his food out, he didn’t listen, then threw a fit when the inevitable happened and went so far as to suggest you should get rid of your animals because they inconvenience him. You should be less concerned about his delicate feelings and more concerned with how sick your animals could have gotten if they ate something toxic to them when he didn’t listen to you and left his food out in the open.
Pets can die from this sort of thing.” Fluffy_Sheepy
Another User Comments:
“ESH I’m a dog lover, and I know for a fact that I’d tell anyone who said I’d be better off without my pups to get out of my house.
But, if I went to someone’s house and their pets ate my food whenever I wasn’t looking at it and the owners brushed it off as being normal and a “teehee they don’t know better” thing, I’d never hang out with them again.
Also, you should teach your cats not to eat human food because it can kill them. So you’re the jerk to your cats for that. Cats aren’t stupid, they’re able to be trained” VermicelliNo2422
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think both you and your husband were reasonable in this situation.
If you have pets that eat unattended food you should not leave it unattended and then get upset about it. I think your friend may have been mad about something else and let it spill over because this is not a healthy reaction.” newsnowcat
4. AITJ For Not Co-Signing My Son's College Loans And Suggesting He Commute Instead?
“I, a 43-year-old male, have an 18-year-old son who is graduating HS this year. My wife (his stepmom) works at a university which will pay roughly 85% of his total tuition but the catch is that he has to commute and he doesn’t want that. He wants the college experience.
He’s going for computer science to be a developer or going for engineering. Combined, my family makes roughly 170k per year. We have 2 young children in daycare, a mortgage, student loan debt yadda yadda, and cannot afford to help my 18-year-old pay for college. We still have 401k loans we’re paying for our home mortgage downpayment and things are pretty tight financially right now.
Daycare is double our mortgage cost, it’s insane.
My son’s biological mother who comes from a fairly wealthy family is essentially blindly supporting my son’s decision to go to a state college in Ohio and pay roughly 120k versus pushing him towards the University of Dayton or a community college and commuting.
I’ve been pretty distraught about the whole thing and have made it known that this is a horrible decision and if he went to community college or commuted I would help pay his rent. Her family has a house about to be remodeled that he could live in with his brother and have independence and commute.
It sounds like a perfect decision in my opinion.
AITJ for telling my son and his biological mother that I’m not co-signing any loans and that this is a horrible idea. I’m losing sleep thinking about how this kid is going to be paying maybe 1000 per month in student loans for 30 years.
I feel that his mom’s not being unified with me on this is pushing him into making this decision. I have told him I’ll send him money for food and gas but that’s about the extent that I can help him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I had the same conversation with my niece a few years ago. Software engineering is not what it used to be (I’m in the field) and the salaries outside the top 5% are not super. Small Tech start-ups are dying now that money isn’t nearly as free as it had been.
Taking on $100K+ in debt for that field and not going to a core school like UT-Austin, Stanford, or MIT is an anchor that will drag them down for years to come.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Honestly, if the choice is huge debt or having to live with a dad in his business for four more years, I would probably take the debt.
College isn’t just about checking a box for a job, it’s about independence and being part of a community with other young adults. It sucks that the money isn’t there, but you are telling your son that instead of getting to go off and have fun with his friends or have a new experience he has to live in the family house and be under the watchful eye of his stepmom and you wonder why he isn’t jumping for joy.” TheWaterIsASham
3. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Friended My Mean Ex-Boss On Social Media?
“I (29f) met my husband (33m) 10 years ago. We worked for the same company in different buildings and had a mutual manager who would come to both buildings, we’ll call her Lynn.
Lynn was friends with my husband and his sister before we started seeing each other.
Also before we started seeing each other, she was awful to me. She would laugh at me to my face, make comments about me, mess with my schedule, and give me random extremely tedious tasks (literally had to clean a three-story staircase with a toothbrush).
I would ask my coworkers who were friendly with her and they stated she disliked me because I was young and pretty and I would just have to suck up to her. No matter what I did, she couldn’t stand me and would make it known.
I felt like I had a mean girl for a boss. She eventually left the job and moved to a different state and I eventually met my husband.
We had previously talked about it a few times about how badly she treated me.
My husband within the last year or two decided to make a social media account.
Yesterday he posted and tagged me and I saw that Lynn loved and commented on it.
I asked him why he even has Lynn added as a friend and he stated because she was a good manager to him and helped him many times. I said that was weird and why would he want to be friends with someone who treated me so badly and didn’t like me.
He said she has always helped him out and she was always unpleasant to everyone. He also commented that I was young back then and insinuated she had a reason not to like me.
I told him it was odd to me and I felt like he wasn’t loyal. He thinks I’m being a petty jerk.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t think he’s being disloyal, but more so inconsiderate of your past and present feelings. He’s letting you re-experience your past trauma and brushing it off as if “well it happened to you not me” type thing. She was just his manager.
You’re his wife. Get a grip, hubby.” Fearless-Mud-6760
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s your husband and should take it seriously if you told him how you felt about the way Lynn treated you. It’s not his place to question something he didn’t even experience but to trust that you felt the way you felt and respect that.
It wouldn’t have cost him anything to just not have added Lynn. It sounded like they were mostly only work buddies anyway, like how close were they? Regardless of how she treated him, she treated *you*, his partner, his wife, like trash for no good reason.
It would’ve been one thing if she had just disliked you and left it at that. It’s stupid but hey, can’t make everyone like you, right? But she went out of her way to make things difficult for you. Your husband should at least take that into account.” bulletproofboyscouts
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Social media friends are such a minor connection. You don’t want your husband to tell him who he can friend on social media and yes you are being petty. You haven’t seen her in years, let it go, that will be a sign of maturity for you.
For the record, I used to have an abusive boss too. I left because of her even. But years later I forgive her in my head and move on. It’s not worth my time to worry about anymore. Unless this lady comes back into your life then don’t let her give you any more stress.” VegetableAway9043
2. AITJ For Being Upset My Sister Didn't Invite Me To Her Wedding?
“Let me set the scene, I 19F am scrolling on Instagram and I see my sister 24F (who I haven’t seen in 4 years) was getting married/posted her wedding. So although we haven’t talked to each other in 4 years, the last time we saw each other it was great and we were on great terms. We were literally raised together even though she’s only my sister on my father’s side.
She lives in a completely different state from me and she has always been inconsistent when it came to texting, and she had a habit of dodging questions. So I DM her on Instagram and I’m like “Omg when were you going to tell us you were getting married??!!” (Me and my other siblings).
She responds with a whole bunch of nonsense about how we never reach out to her and we’ve been avoiding her. And I was confused because my other sister has been trying to contact her for almost a year now. The last time any of us heard from her she was in a different state from where she lives, and she said she’ll contact my other sister when she’s back home.
It’s been almost a year and it was radio silence from her. And I will admit that I could’ve texted her, but I’m not much of a texting or phone call kind of person. I don’t know if I have Adhd, but I’m an out of sight out mind kind of person, so in my mind we were good.
And I told her that if she felt she was being avoided why didn’t she reach out? The phone goes both ways. And a wedding is a celebration where you invite distant cousins and even coworkers. So how don’t you invite your sisters, and your only excuse is you felt you were being avoided?
If I was getting married right now, I can assure she would’ve gotten an invitation! So should I be upset or am I being the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – I think you said it best in your post that a phone works both ways.
Both sides should have been better at reaching out. If you were supposed to hear back from her in a couple days or weeks then noticed a year went by, why didn’t you reach out instead of leaving it up to the sister? I’d also add that saying you should have been invited to the wedding pushes it close to YTJ territory for me.
While you’re right a wedding is a celebration, it’s to the bride and groom to decide who they want as it’s a celebration of THEM.” ericsipi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Whether you should be upset or not is up to you; the fact is that you are.
Your sister didn’t contact you all deliberately for whatever reasons. She is now making it clear that she doesn’t want you guys there. So essentially, no is no, and she doesn’t need to justify it to you even if you are upset about it. Even if she’s a jerk.” Fredsundertheblanket
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The person with the news needs to call or reach out to share, they don’t sit around and wait for a phone call. In your mind, your relationship with your sister was in a good place. She is definitely the jerk for not inviting or even informing her sisters about her wedding/marriage.” InfamousCheek9434
1. AITJ For Telling My Husband About My MIL's Rude Comment?
“I (22f) and my husband, Nate(23M), are expecting a baby in September! Nate has been great and has been catering (maybe a bit too much lol) to my every need. We can’t wait to welcome our little girl!
Well, then there’s my MIL. She has been kind of cold and distant towards me, since finding out I’m pregnant, especially since finding out I’m having a girl. This feels quite odd since before I was pregnant we used to have girls’ days and she used to call me her ‘daughter she never had’, but all of it stopped after becoming pregnant!
Well, me and Nate went over to MIL’s yesterday for Mother’s day, for dinner, It was a nice get-together, My brother-in-law(Nate’s brother) was there with his wife and their kids and we were having a great time, but when Nate got up to go to the bathroom, I also got up, to get my second serving.
As I was getting my second serving of food my MIL said out of nowhere “More Kendahl? I understand you’re pregnant but I wasn’t that chubby pregnant!” This caught me off guard. It was embarrassing, to say the least, and I guess I was visibly upset, because when Nate came out of the bathroom he kept asking what was wrong, and when I told him what his mother said, he blew up at her.
I understand what she said was wrong to me, but Nate has never blown up like this to his mother. He called her “Rude” and unkind names, over one comment she said to me. And I can’t shake the feeling that I’m the jerk here since I’m the one who told Nate here.
Plus it doesn’t help that SIL and BIL are calling me a jerk too.
So AITJ for ‘telling‘ on my MIL to my husband?”
Another User Comments:
“Why would you be the jerk if that’s what MIL said? Either you misquoted her and embroidered what she said to make her look bad which would make you a jerk OR you simply told your husband the truth of why you were upset and the trashy thing she said — which I suspect is the case and you’re NTJ.
KUDOS to your husband for having your back and putting his mom on notice that her BS won’t “land” without consequences.” celticmusebooks
Another User Comments:
“You need to realize that your MIL waited until your hubby wasn’t present to make a snarky comment. She never would have said that if he was in the room.
And if you weren’t getting food she would have said something else. I speak from experience. She counted on your hubby to believe her, not you. My MIL was sweet as pie until my hubby left the room (and everyone else but my SIL who she treated just as badly).
Thankfully my hubby believed me. SIL hubby(brother of my hubby) didn’t. This woman was so sweet to the world. But if she was alone with me or my SIL or both of us, the knives would fly. She made both of us cry on occasion.
It got to the point that my hubby would not leave me alone during a family get-together. I don’t know what triggered your MIL (sounds like jealousy, what she is jealous about I have no idea) but it will not get better. You are NOT the jerk.
Cling to your hubby, grey rock your MIL, and enjoy the experience of bringing a baby into the world.” calicounderthesun
Another User Comments:
” NTJ MIL’s a complete jerk and she knew exactly what she was doing by body-shaming you in front of others. She thought she’d get away with it.
Your MIL has been cold because she realizes she is no longer the top dog and your husband’s blow-up and defense of you against vicious criticism confirmed that. Props to him for being on your side 100%! Don’t feel guilty and learn from this. As the spotlight turns away from MIL when your baby arrives, set firm boundaries, always making sure that she knows that you and your husband are in charge, not her.
Watch how she interacts with the baby and what she says. Reject unsolicited advice, criticism of your parenting, and attempts to take over. I have experienced MILs who have gone full “baby rabies” and it’s not a pretty sight. Your MIL may be fine, but be prepared!” marmalade
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