People Show Their True Colors In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
20. AITJ For Cutting My Younger Brother's Hair Without Our Parents' Consent?
“So I am 21 and my brother is 13 and I live alone while he lives with our parents about 30 minutes away.
Recently he texted me to ask if I would cut his hair for him (I have been cutting my own hair for years), he has really long nice curly hair that he’s been growing out for ages so I said if he still wanted it done in a week then I would.
Yesterday was one week after that conversation and he showed up at my flat out of the blue (which he took a bus by himself to come to) and asked me to cut his hair. He was clearly really keen so when I asked him if he was sure and he said yes I did because to me it is no big deal. I gave him a bob at first but he wanted it shorter so in the end I took quite a lot off.
Then he went home.
My mum called me literally 30 minutes later, so as soon as he got home, to yell at me for cutting his hair. She wouldn’t let me explain that’s what he wanted she just shouted at me for “violating his beautiful hair” and then hung up.
Today she came around and told me off for parenting her kid and that I don’t get to make big decisions about his body, only she and my dad do, that if I had cared to ask him what she thinks that he would have told me that she was against it so I was directly violating her order to him to not get it cut (he didn’t go to a barber because he couldn’t afford it by himself and she refused to pay).
Apparently, the reason he wanted a haircut is that he is going to a summer camp during the summer holidays with kids who made fun of him last summer for looking gay and like a girl but my mum’s view on the matter was him getting a haircut was “letting the bullies win” so I overstepped by cutting his hair and taught him a lesson that he should change himself for the sake of bullies.
She is very angry at me and said I stepped way out of line and I shouldn’t be parenting my brother or doing stuff to him without her consent so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s his hair. He gets to decide what he wants to do with it.
As a fellow former long-haired person, having short hair during hot summers is a blessing and a half. If nothing else, he’ll feel a lot cooler temperature-wise. It doesn’t matter if he made this choice for the “right” reasons. Who are we to judge what that is?
If he was bullied for his hair and wanted to change it, he may not have been so attached to it anymore anyway. Maybe he’ll regret this decision someday. Anything is possible. But he deserves the chance to experiment and come to his own decisions regardless of how he’ll feel about it later.
And I’d take a haircut-he-may-regret-down-the-line over another young teen killing themself because he was being bullied and his parents didn’t allow him to cut his own hair.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“This post isn’t about hair. Why in the world is the kid being sent back to a place where he’s been bullied?
What are mom’s plans to address that problem? Where is the parenting on a REALLY important topic that can bring significant consequences down upon her son? The kid is clearly concerned/afraid about returning this summer. Why aren’t his feelings and needs being listened to and addressed by mom and dad?
For goodness sake, your #1 job as a parent is to keep your child SAFE. Mom is failing big time, and her focus on controlling his hair is simply outrageous. Thanks, now I’m really angry (at mom and dad).” Higher_Ed_Parent
Another User Comments:
“She should be grateful he didn’t take shears to his own hair and chopped it all off himself!
I was 14(F) when I took scissors to my own hair when my mum wouldn’t allow me to go to the hairdresser and wouldn’t agree with me having a haircut. It’s a shame I don’t shave it all off (which is what I wanted). I’m in my late 30s now and I’m still angry about not having body autonomy at 14.
I have my own kid and I let them choose their hairstyle (with reason such as school rules). I won’t be what my mum was to me. NTJ. Just keep standing up for your brother’s rights to his own body.” Excellent-Highway884
19. AITJ For Needing Alone Time And A Structured Routine Away From My Partner?
“My (F24) partner (M22) is a stereotypical “golden retriever” partner.
If I’m home, he wants to be in the same room as me at all times. Not only that but he is constantly talking to me and touching me even when I’m trying to work, do chores, or work on my hobbies. It is a lot.
I’m autistic and super introverted so I NEED alone time and I need a fixed routine to function. Him interrupting my routines and alone time by getting in my path and asking me to hug him or whatever is really frustrating. I’ve tried to explain to him that it bothers me but he always takes it really personally.
Today I went to hang out with my friends and when I came back, per my routine, I made dinner, watched TV while working on a hobby, and then I had to do some housework. During all of these activities, he wouldn’t stop wrapping his arms around me while I was cooking and doing housework (preventing me from moving around freely) and prompting me to say sweet things to him while I was watching TV or focusing on a difficult mental task.
I was a little shorter with him than usual because my social battery was already low from being with friends all day. I didn’t snap at him or anything, but I was maybe a little snarky. I apologized to him and explained why I needed space, and he was still taking it super personally.
I want to make it clear, when we PLAN time together, I’m very attentive because I’ve mentally prepared for that time. We also plan for that multiple times per week. However, he has started randomly hanging around my house (I said this was ok if he gives me warning and doesn’t interrupt my life) and expects me to be as attentive as I am during our planned time.
Again, I’ve explained to him the difference between structured together time and times when we’re just together because he showed up. But there’s some disconnect I guess because he thinks it’s because I don’t care about him or something. AITJ? Am I a bad partner for needing a structured life with ample alone time?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and possibly no jerks here… Your needs do not make you a jerk and it sounds like you are communicating with him about your need for consistency and routine. If anything, on days you know he will be around, you can implement short spurts of intimacy.
Like spending 5 minutes hugging and talking intimately, etc. With that being said, maybe there is a compatibility issue here? I am introverted myself and would probably go crazy with this amount of attention-seeking affection. Like, to the point that I would end things lol. I don’t know the entire dynamic of your relationship though.” Agile-Chair565
Another User Comments:
“”During all of these activities, he wouldn’t stop wrapping his arms around me while I was cooking and doing housework (preventing me from moving around freely) and prompting me to say sweet things to him while I was watching tv or focusing on a difficult mental task.” OMG that would drive me nuts.
Also, I would feel like I’m being ‘blackmailed’, so to speak, to tell him sweet things. NTJ. He probably needs to work on his clingyness period. I started feeling claustrophobic reading this. But in the end, you two may just not be compatible. If he needs that much hugging and constant verbal support he may not be able to give you the alone time you need and you may not be able to give him the emotional support he wants.” KimB-booksncats-11
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re the jerk, but even if you are, who cares? I found blowing my lid every now and then at people who refuse to respect my boundaries and alone time to be far less time-consuming & mentally draining than constantly worrying if I’m offending their snowflake nature.
Maybe that’s why I LOVE being single despite the loneliness. I was cringing while reading your post because I’m the same as you – I need to recharge. May I ask, are you a cat person? I noticed people like me (us?) tend to go for cats b/c they’re independent, want to be petted & hugged now and then then go do their own thing, while the dog people want constant attention, petting, happiness, etc. So not for me so I’ll take my aloof cats and aloof self any day.
LOL.” Vaunted_Q
18. AITJ For Refusing To Send Money To My In-Laws After My Husband Quit His Job?
“I am from a country where we send money to our parents to provide for them once we start earning.
It’s a part of our culture and this post has got nothing to do with this.
My husband recently quit his job because it was horribly draining, however, he doesn’t have an offer from anywhere else yet. He would regularly send his parents money and my brother-in-law sends half of that (and the reason my husband gave me is that he is younger and gets a lesser pay than us).
However, now that my husband cannot send money until he gets a job, he asked me to pay for a few months.
I said NO and said for years his younger brother has gotten away by paying less and now he and his partner are expecting a baby so the new excuse is that they have to save.
Also, they both apparently don’t earn as much as I do ( I am 6 years younger but I work hard!) and hence I should take this responsibility.
I really hate this and although I would not have a problem supporting my in-laws if my husband was an only child that is not the case here.
Additionally, my brother-in-law’s partner comes from family money and I should expect that although she is earning less, she should in fact step up here.
Please don’t be harsh in the comments because this is a real issue. I love my husband very much and have a good relationship with my in-laws but I am very annoyed at all the excuses my husband finds for his brother and partner in order to escape financial responsibility.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think the situation would be different if your husband had been laid off or become disabled. However, he chose to quit his job. The two of you no longer have as much household income and can’t spend in the same manner.
You need to use your earnings to pay for all of the household household expenses, not luxuries like supporting extended family. It’s reasonable for your husband to have to cut back on spending that isn’t absolutely necessary.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sorry but your husband actually quit his job without any prospects for a new job and now wants you to send money to his family?
Um, that’s a hard no! If things were reversed would he send money to your family? I do understand this is how some cultures work but honestly, you would technically be supporting 4 adults, are you okay doing this, what happens when his brother needs financial support too, are you expected to support them financially also?
You are not in the wrong for not wanting to send the money, he needs to get up and get a job, no excuses!” Antique-Koala6664
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for refusing to send YOUR money – but you are a jerk for faulting your BIL for your husband’s actions.
Tell your husband to get a job fast if he wants to send money to his parents. Not YOUR drama to feed the leeches. “And expecting my brother-in-law to take up responsibility?” … but THIS makes you the jerk – he is fine not to take over, what your husband sends his parents or not is solely between him and them.
“In order to escape financial responsibility.” .. STOP this nonsense, they are not responsible. Your partner sent his parents however much HE wanted. NOBODY is responsible for compensating for HIS stopping to do that. He will simply have to live with the fact that his parents will have a lot less money because he stopped sending them some – or he will find a way to send it again.
This has NOTHING to do with his siblings.” Excellent-Count4009
17. AITJ For Refusing To Sponsor My Ex's Immigration For Her Grad Program?
“I (F) am Canadian, my ex (F) is American. We haven’t been seeing each other for over a year but we still live together and attend the same school. Even if I don’t feel romantically towards her anymore, I still care about her a lot and feel like we should be best friends, especially after all the life events we’ve been through—we were together 6 years.
She says she feels the same, and that I’m so important to her. But ever since she hooked up with someone new, she’s been gone the entire summer visiting them and I’ve barely heard a word from her. No updates, no chatting, no “hi, how are you.” It’s been insanely awkward and stressful.
Then, out of nowhere, I get a phone call from her. She tells me that to get into some kind of grad program she needs to be a permanent resident, so she needs me to “sponsor” her. The only thing is we need to lie to an agent about still being a couple.
I don’t know what kind of immigration program she’s talking about, assuming it’s some obscure thing where I just need to vouch for her, which I’d be happy to do. But I ask, “is it like getting married? Will my status as legally single be affected?” She assures me no, no, it’s nothing like that, it’s no big deal, I just need to sign some paperwork.
She doesn’t tell me her dad is also on the line until he starts talking, while she knows that due to past experiences not only do I have issues saying “no” to people, but I have serious issues saying “no” to grown men. Then she sends me an article about common law—what she described as a “sponsorship.” Aside from the fact that I’m now in a happy, healthy relationship with someone else, common law would put me on the hook for so much for her: we’d need an official to annul it, she’d be entitled to spousal support when we did, and if she got caught I could be charged with a crime, just to scratch the surface.
She has a history of asking the world of me and then getting really, really upset when I don’t give it to her, even though I truly did try my best to do so for 6 years. She’ll still tell me that she cares about me like family and that she’ll always be there for me.
Yet she only talks to me at all now when she wants something from me. Still, I can’t help but feel responsible for her, and like I’m ruining her life by not helping her pursue school. In the past, I gave her everything I could, but now I’m sure she’s talking to her new partner and friends about how horrible I am, the same way she’d talk about her other exes, which is exactly what I was afraid of when we broke up.
But I can’t help still caring, and how do I know she’s not wrong? I already feel like a horrible person all the time anyway. As mentioned above, I have a really, really hard time saying no to people. My partner tells me I don’t have perspective on what is and isn’t true or okay.
But I just really could use an impartial third party to tell me whether or not I’m selfishly ruining her life and her chances of getting a degree and being successful.”
Another User Comments:
“Well, considering you are probably posting this from your personal phone it shouldn’t really pose too hard a problem for Services Canada or the RCMP to do a data pull of your profile posting history to use all of this in court.
I mean, personal admission of seeking to defraud the government is probably good for a decade in the slammer or so. Seriously, you’re willing to risk jail time for someone who you’ve admitted is a known user? Get over her already, realize it’s over, and be happy with the person you’re with who actually cares for you.
NTJ, but you will be a whole jerk if you allow her to manipulate you into going through with it.” AllandarosSunsong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Canadian here, former military specialist who used to deal with HR paperwork, including “Common law” paperwork, but I am not a lawyer – just someone who used to do the paperwork for military guys so they could get the benefits of being married without having to put a ring on it (very common in Canadian military – especially since medical/dental benefits and a few other things can improve if you have “dependants”).
When you sign paperwork stating that you are common law – you are admitting to the fact that you are “as good as” married. That gives the “spouse” all the benefits of being married, without actually going to church and swearing in front of the priest/pastor/whatever you want to call the person.
That allows the “spouse”, should you break up, the ability to sue for spousal support, property. Do not sign any paperwork claiming common law status – a) you’re lying about what your relationship is, and if you are caught, it WILL come back to bite you on the backside, b) it’s fraud, pure and simple, and c) all those things you mentioned of what would happen when you split up.
Don’t do it.” toosheeptheorist
Another User Comments:
“No don’t do this. A simple internet search shows what she is referring to is a spousal sponsorship. You have to declare you are in a common law marriage and you have to show financially that you would support her for at least 3 years.
(Which may include covering her entire tuition costs). And Canada treats common law marriages as regular marriages which if you “break up” you have to split any assets you have and yes you may have to pay support especially if she is a student. This also gives her certain rights, not a full citizen but able to access many government programs. Not to mention if someone reports you there would be criminal charges, immigration fraud is real and you could face jail time.
You also may not be able to travel outside of Canada without obtaining a pardon for the fraud. So buddy you really want to risk your entire future here on an ex who you know is a “user”??? If she truly wants to go to grad school she should apply for a student visa.
That’s the only right move. The Canadian government is cracking down on those so maybe she would not qualify but that’s her issue to deal with. She could also go to grad school in her home country if it’s that important to her.
Do not consider this.” emmcn75
16. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Because My Roommate Moved Her Partner In Without My Consent?
“So my roommate and I have been living together for the last 4 years, we’ve been besties for 10 years. Now she found a partner and practically moved him in with us, without speaking to me about it.
He stays with us throughout the week and goes to his family’s home on the weekends. He doesn’t contribute to household bills and if he buys groceries, he buys it for them, and occasionally will eat mine. It came to the point where there was no space in the fridge for my stuff.
Now my best friend barely spends any time with me, I sometimes don’t see her for days even though we live together. I feel incredibly uncomfortable living in the house where another man lives without my consent. This has been going on for 4 months.
Am I the jerk for wanting to move out, knowing that her family wouldn’t be okay with her moving in with her partner and that she won’t be able to afford to live on her own?
Honestly, I’ve been bending my back for so long and keeping quiet but I cannot live like a guest in my own home anymore. Also, do you think it’s right for me to demand to be reimbursed for the bills I paid while he lived here?”
Another User Comments:
“Move out if you can, you want to be comfortable in your own home, and why should you pay extra for this SO fellow. Whether your roommate’s mommy and daddy will be happy about their little girl shacking up – is not your problem.
Whether your roommate can foot the bill for her and her lover boy – is also not your problem, once you leave. You can ask to be paid back – and good luck with that. And you know this is partly your fault this uncomfortable situation has gone on for so long.
You should have had a frank little discussion or two with your roommate before it came to the point of you being willing to up and leave. She probably has no idea you feel this way, she is just happy in her little relationship cocoon.
NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“You should have said something when she started moving him in. You might be able to talk to her about having him pay something going forward but they will not give you a penny for back bills. Because your silence is able to consent.
Whether that’s true or not. You need to talk to her and him and tell them I need room for my groceries. I won’t eat your stuff. You don’t need my stuff and this is how you need to do it. And then tell them if it doesn’t change I’m moving out.
Communicate and use your words and you can possibly find a solution to the situation. Whether it’s living with them amicably or moving out. But you shouldn’t have waited 4 months NTJ.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your only choice is to move out to have a living space where you feel comfortable.
It is very understandable that you don’t feel comfortable living with a man that you don’t know well and didn’t agree to have as a roommate five days a week. It doesn’t sound like your roommate asked for your permission before she essentially moved him in.
She is being selfish, inconsiderate and is being a bad friend. As a result, you have every right to move out and any consequences that your roommate might experience as a result are directly attributable to her actions and her lack of consideration. As to being reimbursed, I think that it is very unlikely.
If you were going to require him to pay for part of the bills, you probably should have put it in place in the first month. It doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t have contributed, but it is probably best to just make a clean break.” Late_Confidence8101
15. AITJ For Throwing Out My Partner's Uncovered Fruit And Used Teabags?
“This might sound crazy, but here’s the deal. My partner, Jamie (29F), is obsessed with fruit. It’s great, healthy and all, but she has a habit that’s driving me nuts.
She cuts up apples, watermelon, whatever, and leaves them on the counter all day uncovered. Even worse, she keeps using little cups to “reuse” teabags, leaving them out for hours with the tea still in them – perfect breeding grounds for mold, not to mention a total eyesore.
We already had a fight a few weeks ago because I threw out those used teabags. Apparently, that’s a cardinal sin in her world? Now, we have a full-blown fruit fly infestation thanks to her “fruit platter” displays. Today’s prize? Half a lemon literally crawling with flies, and some apple slices that look like week-old dog treats.
So, trying to be the sanitation hero, I tossed the whole thing. Big mistake. Apparently, throwing out fruit that’s become a breeding ground for flies is “wasting food” in her eyes. She claims she was gonna eat those fly-covered apples anyway!
Now we’re not speaking.
I called her out on the flies, but she blew up, accusing me of being wasteful and not respecting her dietary choices. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even want to use the kitchen anymore. Am I the jerk for wanting a clean kitchen, or is this just the battle you pick when you are in a relationship with someone who uses the counter as a personal fruit orchard with questionable hygiene practices?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your partner might have some serious trauma around food. Even if she didn’t suffer from a lack of food in her childhood, being told to never waste and treating waste as a cardinal sin by her parents can cause such a reaction.
I would talk to her and try to get to the root of this. It is an issue, a real issue. She may not fully understand or have some sense of lack of mindset so ingrained in her that she just cannot see it. Make it clear this has nothing to do with her dietary choices.
Give her options. Fruit is fine to cut up, but it must go in the fridge right away. Find a suitable compromise. But leaving the food around is in no way something you should let slide. You live in this place too and her habits are impacting others.” Elegant_Bluebird_460
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I read the first paragraph before I finished and immediately thought “fruit flies” and there it was. Do you know how incredibly annoying those things are? Not to mention, the tons of maggots that would come with it. This situation sounds disgusting.
There’s no excuse for justifying this. This is a grown adult. To not accept responsibility and to deflect it like that is weird. Next time she does it OP let it happen. Then when you have a bunch of maggots and flies all built up, call her into the kitchen and tell her she needs to look at it and deal with it.” ConnorFree
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sounds gross. The reasonable (and hygienic) thing for her to do would be to put the fruit on a plate, cover with cling wrap and put it in the fridge. The tea bag thing – I know people who do that.
Perhaps if she kept a little cup by the teapot to put her tea bag for reusing once dunked that would be less visually gross (and if she is just dunking in boiling water it shouldn’t attract flies). However perhaps consider you two may have different (and incompatible) standards of food hygiene and levels of cleanliness, these things can definitely be deal breakers.” AdOdd7148
14. AITJ For Owning Esoteric Items Without Believing In Their Significance?
“I (28m) made a friend like a month ago, let’s call her Jena. This past week I invited Jena and another friend to my home for a board game afternoon. When we were preparing the board, Jena noticed my collection of esoteric stuff, including a lot of tarot decks, figures, candles, etc. She was thrilled about it and told me that she is a big believer and is excited to know someone like her.
I told her that’s great, and I also love this kind of stuff, and I’ve read a lot about it, so we can talk about it, but I don’t really believe it. She laughed saying that anyone who does not believe, wouldn’t have these kinds of things, and I insisted that, for example, I also love classic Greek mythology, and I have some prints representing some myths, but don’t believe in it.
She got upset and said that I shouldn’t have this kind of stuff then, because it’s important to some people and I’m just reducing to an aesthetic. She insisted that it was very disrespectful to have these kinds of things knowing I can offend some people, and it’s like I’m mocking her beliefs.
I tried to explain that I totally respect her beliefs, I just don’t believe in it, but she kept saying that it’s very disrespectful.
At the moment I didn’t know what to answer and just apologized, but I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong, to be honest.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This honestly reminds me of a string of messages I read in an article about entitled people. The first person shared a tofu recipe. The second commented about loving it and asked how long the OP had been vegan.
The OP was actually not vegan, not even vegetarian just did not like the taste or texture of most meats. They are then berated for consuming tofu which is obviously produced only for vegans/vegetarians. You have these things because they appeal to you. End of story.” BeMandalorTomad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The person who was being disrespectful here was actually Jena, for criticizing your personal stuff while being a guest in your home. The items hold a different significance to her than they do for you, but as long as they weren’t obtained by unethical means (e.g. looted from a sacred burial site) you’re no less entitled to own them than she is.
The risk in any conversation with a self-identified “believer” is that stating you don’t share their belief will be taken as a personal rejection, as if you’re saying “I think your whole worldview is wrong.”” Beginning-Credit6621
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and here’s a simple proof: imagine “Reason” were a religion, and one of its core tenets was that you should evangelize on behalf of Reason by discouraging others by imposing illogical beliefs on objects.
Would this person be justified in telling you not to practice your religion with her, because she finds your religion offensive? If so, then you are justified in asking her not to impose her beliefs on you, if you agree to accept her beliefs in peace and not try to talk her out of the meaning those objects have for her.
If not, then you would be justified in following your religious beliefs and trying to explain that she shouldn’t impose her beliefs on these objects. In no event are her beliefs more valid than yours.” MysticMexicanPizza
13. AITJ For Being Upset That Our Landlord Didn't Follow Our No-Shoe Rule?
“My parents are out of town and I’m home alone while they’re away. I’m in college and I live with them.
This situation happened yesterday.
Removing your shoes in the house is something my mom has always requested of guests and my family due to her being concerned about germs spreading. She isn’t annoying about it, and it’s become a habit for me anyway so I have no problems with the rule.
Other guests have so far respected her rule when she mentions it. She’s also developed certain accommodations for guests such as a comfortable seating area near the door and plastic shoe covers for those who don’t feel like removing their shoes.
Yesterday my dad called me and told me our landlord and a worker would be dropping by to do some work in the kitchen.
He said they’d be done in under 10 minutes. My mom chimed in and reminded me to request that the landlord and worker wear the shoe covers.
When the landlord arrived, we greeted each other and I immediately mentioned the shoe covers before he stepped in.
He smiled and moved past me, speed-walking into the kitchen with his shoes on. I was shocked but I didn’t speak up. He was done in under 10 minutes and he left. There was no visible dirt where he had walked, but I cleaned the floors and texted my mom that he didn’t wear them.
She expressed minor disappointment and told me to just wipe the floor where he walked.
A few minutes later the landlord came back with the worker and the worker removed his shoes without asking me. The landlord stayed outside while the worker did something in the kitchen that took less than 5 minutes, then they both left.
That’s it. I feel like a loser for being kind of upset that our landlord disregarded my mom’s rule, especially since he was in our house for a very short time and probably rushing. My mom told me that he is always reluctant to put the plastic things on his shoes so this isn’t new.
I told her that she needs to be adamant with him the next time she sees him, but I’m worried that we’re just holding this man to an annoying standard.
Let me know what you think!”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I am not sure where you’re from.
But in the UK when work is done, wearing shoes is part of health and safety regulations (eg their boots are grippy/ has a thick plastic sole in case they step on something/ protect their toes when something drops on it). While I understand I don’t want people to wear shoes indoors (I’m Asian, I get it), sometimes you just need to******* up and deep clean afterward.
Usually, if maintenance is pre-booked I’ll make sure I do the cleaning late, and many prune my plants on that day so all the deep cleaning can be done in one sitting. Besides, socks can be dirty too. Who knows how many days old or how sweaty their feet are?
Don’t be too bothered!” lalathegodzilla
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made a simple request and he obviously knows your mother’s rule since he has done it before. Putting covers on his shoes would have taken him less time than taking his shoes off. I get the vibe he just like didn’t like being told what to do by a college kid or he felt that he didn’t have to comply with the request because he owns the house.
If you had tried to escalate or force the issue, it may have caused problems for your parents. Don’t let it live rent-free in your head. You tried, he refused and you cleaned the floor afterward, there’s really nothing else you could have done. At least the workman was respectful.” Pure-Philosopher-175
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but it’s always fun reading these kinds of stories. Where I live, shoes in the house is just a weird thing that most people don’t do so nobody even thinks about it. Everyone just takes their shoes off when inside someone’s home.
But service/maintenance/etc people typically get an exception for the sake of ease for them. I’ve never known anyone who makes service people remove their shoes (unless they’re muddy and all messed up), we just time our floor cleaning for after any service stuff is done.
Anyway, you’re not the jerk for simply making the request of the landlord, and in my opinion, at least, the landlord and worker are not the jerk either.” Three-Pegged-Hare
12. AITJ For Wanting To Keep My Sentimental Childhood Doll Away From My Little Sister?
“My mom had texted me (20f) while I was at college that my sister (9f) needed to use my old doll for an American Girl Doll-themed birthday party. I told her where to find it since I had packaged all my American Girl Doll things up high in my closet so my sister wouldn’t be able to touch it while I was away.
I was told that they would put the doll and the stuff back after the party. I didn’t want my sister to feel left out as all the other girls at the party had American Girl Dolls – a specific brand of doll that was expensive.
My sister has an insane amount of dolls and toys that fill up both her room and our entire living room. She goes through toys like crazy and is always wanting the next new thing she sees on her iPad (she’s had an iPad since she was 3).
I was obsessed with this particular doll from 1st grade to 5th grade and wouldn’t play with or ask for any other toys. I would set it next to me in bed so I could sleep with it without squishing it and did a crazy amount of research as an 8-year-old on how to keep it in perfect condition.
I learned how to sew to make clothes for it since the brand’s clothes were extremely expensive.
I came back home a month later and see my doll in the living room amongst all her other toys and dolls. I found the glasses and clothes for it strewn all over her mess of toys and the doll’s hair completely knotted. I asked to take my doll back just because it had so much sentimental value to me and I didn’t want to see it get messed up.
My mother said I was being unreasonable and selfish since I wanted my doll to sit in my room while my little sister wanted to play with it. She said I’m forcing her to buy another expensive doll for her even though I know my sister would throw the new doll aside after a few months for the next hottest thing.
AITJ for wanting to keep my childhood toy for myself to prevent my little sister from messing it up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s YOUR doll. I had an American Girl Doll and was subscribed to their monthly catalogs for a few years. I know from experience how expensive those dolls are.
I’d be upset if I was told something so expensive and so important to me in sentimental value wasn’t out back like I was told it would be, and is instead a bit worn down (AKA, the hair being in knots), with its (also expensive) accessories strewn around.
If she wants her own AG doll that bad, your parents can work towards getting her her own, or even take her to an AG doll shop if there’s one available to you locally, so she can choose her own doll. Then she can work it off through small chores a kid her age can do around the house if your parents think money might be an issue.
OR she could work it off by promising to do something. For example, let’s say she doesn’t like broccoli. REFUSES to eat it because it tastes bad. If she eats it whenever it’s served for dinner for a week or a month for example, then she’ll be able to earn her own AG doll.” GenderedPhoenix
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and if you really value it take it with you to college. I’m old. I had large Star Wars dolls from the late 70s/early 80s, when I went to college I stored them nicely in a box under my bed. MY MOTHER GAVE THEM TO THE SALVATION ARMY.
She did the same thing with my younger sister’s HeMan stuff 5 years later. If that didn’t upset me enough, I married a man who collects Star Wars figures. There are a couple of those he doesn’t have because they sell for hundreds that I know I had.
Don’t blame your sister, she doesn’t know any better. It’s your mother who doesn’t understand that some toys are different and should be saved.” headface1701
Another User Comments:
“Dude. I’m a 36yo woman with a 6yo kid of my own. He’s spoiled rotten and gets pretty much whatever he wants within reason.
When he asked for my 35yo Cabbage Patch Kid and her 30yo horse? I told him no. And when he whined? I kept saying no. To my own kid. Wendy is ancient and was my best friend when I was little. She and Windbrite are retired. I also collect all things Good Luck Care Bear and Sailor Moon stuff.
My husband collects anime/spawn/superhero/horror action figures. Some of those things the kid is allowed to play with. He is perfectly capable of understanding that these are Mommy and Daddy’s toys that he is borrowing and will take extra special care of them.
When he’s done, he knows they go back on their shelf or into their cabinet. And that’s where he leaves them. Your mother is setting your sister up for a lifetime of entitlement and disappointment. You are allowed to have special things that your sister cannot have.
I feel sorry for her, she’s going to have a miserable life if your mom doesn’t get her head out of her butt. You are absolutely NTJ.” necianokomis
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Future MIL To Move In With Us As Newlyweds?
“My (M) fiancée’s (F) mother is asking to move in with us since her husband is moving for work and she can’t come along.
She will be with us for 3 years. We are about to get married and I feel it will not be good for us as newlyweds.
On top of this, I am in graduate school and my fiancee works in healthcare, so we are stressed as it is.
My future MIL and my fiancee fight a lot and I do not want that to impact our marriage moving forward. Her mother lives out of the country right now so saying no would be hard on her, but I’m just not sure. I like my home life of being able to smoke and drink whenever, but I don’t want to say no to my future MIL.
What should I do?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Is there some reason your future MIL can’t be alone? And how does your fiancee feel? NTJ. Your reasons for not wanting her are perfectly reasonable. The information I’ve asked for above does not mean I think you are wrong, but it would help me understand the dynamic.
Asking to move in with you is an unfair request on your fiancee’s mother’s part (unless she has a medical condition that doesn’t allow her to be alone), and I hope your future wife understands. You asked what you should do. You and your fiancee need to have a long talk.
Your fiancee should talk to her mother and explain that she can’t take her in at this time. But the refusal needs to come from your fiancee, not you. It’s unfair to make you the bad guy at the beginning of your marriage, and you need to put up a united front on this issue.
I wish you the best.” General_Relative2838
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Listen. We took in my parents to help them out. I got along with my parents. My husband got along with my parents. Now it wasn’t perfect, there were issues. My mother was always pretty nutty about religion, so we had boundaries before they moved in.
Well, my mom went completely around the mental bend. I applaud how patient my husband was. For three-plus years, my kids and I were mostly hiding in our bedroom. We eventually had to evict them. My mother assaulted me – a total crap show. She agreed to leave with my father and not bother me or my kids & I wouldn’t press charges.
It took another three months for them to get movers to the house for their belongings. It’s been 10 years – we are completely NC. So unless you want to ruin your relationship don’t let family stay with you. Good luck.” Kirbywitch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I felt that story in my bones (Filipino) do not do it, break out of that cultural nonsense, your wife and MIL fight a lot… this tells you everything you need to know. Trust your gut on this one, and besides a lot can happen to a married couple in 3 years (baby for example, a new pet even) and you most definitely do not want MIL underfoot then, you and your wife would be miserable.” Icy_Cover5158
10. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For Groceries That Are Mishandled And Make Me Sick?
“Here’s the situation, my partner and I currently live with his mother. We pay rent, and split expenses between the three of us. Up until recently, we didn’t have to worry about groceries as much because it was just him and me at the house 90% of the time.
Recently she and her partner split so she’s been home. She’s a bit of a control freak when it comes to how she likes to clean and cook. So I took a step back, as it is her house and I don’t like to step on toes.
Anyways. She insists on defrosting food on the counter every day, including shrimp, chicken, etc all in the same bowl defrosting on the counter. All. Day. I have explained to her multiple times how bad this is. Her ex-husband and she used to fight about it all the time as he was a chef.
Since she and her partner split up about 2 months ago I have had food poisoning straight through with maybe a few days between. I have begged this woman to stop. I have asked my partner to ask her to stop. I refuse to eat her food and go hungry most nights for the last week.
But I am paying for half of these groceries. Including $600 worth of meat she bought just a couple of weeks ago. Keep in mind I’m beyond broke right now and have verbalized this and asked to stop spending excessive amounts on food. My request goes unnoticed.
A few days ago I messaged my partner and told him if she does not stop doing this I refuse to pay for groceries and will buy my own food. I’m not paying for food that will make me sick so I’m not eating it anymore.
Tonight she decided to do it again, so I refused to eat dinner with them. Now it’s becoming this big issue because she just went and spent $300 on groceries and wants me to pay up. I’m refusing. I will pay for the things I use (milk, eggs, bread, etc) but I’m not paying for meals I’m not eating.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Two years ago I had a rare form of food poisoning. I almost died and it took months for me to recover. I do not eat food that I know has been mishandled, not properly defrosted, not properly cooked or stored. Why should you pay for groceries that you don’t want, have no say in what is purchased, that you know has been mishandled, and consistently makes you ill?
Tell both of them that you will be buying and preparing your own food and that you will not give her any money. Period.” Unicornfarts68
Another User Comments:
“So much to unpack here… From minor to major:
- How are 3 people going to eat $900 worth of groceries in less than a month?
- What is she buying, and why is she in charge of your groceries to begin with? “Control freaks” aren’t usually controlling over being gross and not cleaning.
- I would move out immediately. A mini fridge might help, but I can’t imagine living with a man who is cool with everyone being poisoned for 60 days.
- I am sorry to suggest this, but I think this might be a mental illness thing. NONE of this makes a bit of sense. Adults know spoiled poultry and beef can literally KILL you.
- This living situation is about ten levels scarier than anyone, including you, is treating it.” SolarPerfume
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being forced to pay for food that is consistently making you sick due to unsanitary conditions is outrageous. I’d recommend buying your own things and not even bother paying her for the basics (eggs, milk, bread, etc) and maybe even have your own section in the fridge/freezer for your things.
Surely it’d be much easier for you this way. Additionally, you should try and help your partner see the light lol. Long term, this can’t be good for any of you so do your best to end it now.” anxious-gal35
9. AITJ For Kicking Out My SIL After She Bailed Out Her Addict Husband?
“My (41F) SIL (45) has a history of seeing/marrying POS men. She met her latest husband through a partner in prison before he also went to prison. When he got out they immediately got married. He is an addict and had a daughter who had been in foster care her whole life.
He stayed on the straight and narrow and they got custody of said daughter.
Over the past few years, he has gotten back into substances really badly. He treats my SIL like a jerk and he is a thief. He currently has pending theft charges in 3 counties.
He finally was in jail, bond revoked for the other 2, and was being held on a $6000 cash/ surety bond. She had nowhere to live and was sleeping in a rental with her 2 large dogs and 6yo. I offered for her to stay with me. She insisted she was going to leave him in jail (he has failed rehab 3x in 8 months) and gave me $3000 to hold onto and told me not to give it to her unless it was for a place to stay.
Literally day 7 she comes to me and says I need $1000 to bond him out and I said no. She said he was going to stay somewhere else with a friend and he wouldn’t be using. I attempted to talk sense into her but she wouldn’t listen.
I talked it over with my husband and we gave her the ultimatum that if she was going to bond him out, she would have to leave and couldn’t stay here. So she left. She said she would get a hotel or whatever because apparently, they couldn’t stay where the husband is going.
I feel bad, tough love is hard and the 6yo doesn’t deserve this. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your husband are in agreement on this (based on what you tell us), and seemingly even your SIL understands she’s causing trouble since she left without a fight.
So thankfully, you’ve avoided the bulk of the drama that generally comes with a situation like this one. With all that said, if you feel bad for the girl then do what you can while not creating a situation where your generosity can be abused. For example, check in with her to make sure she’s eating, has clean clothes to wear, and has the supplies she needs for school.
But don’t do anything beyond what you feel comfortable with. As for SIL… Well, as they say, you can’t fix stupid.” BrewertonFats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are correct to feel bad about the 6 yo; your SiL isn’t doing right by either her or herself.
You know this, maybe she knows it too but doesn’t want to face that fact. It is not your responsibility to take care of the 6 yo, though. Your SiL and her husband are the ones who have put her into this situation and they are the responsible parties.
Get CPS involved ASAP, because you should do what you can to be sure she stays safe. If she ends up back in foster care, that’s going to be hard, but she will probably be better off there than in a substance user’s household. Her father is almost certainly going to be using again and there is nothing either you (or his wife, for that matter) can do about it.
He’s the only one that can change that picture. No one can MAKE him substance-free and decent. He will probably end up back in jail within a short time. So sorry you are dealing with this, it must be very hard to know what is the lesser of evils.” TabbieAbbie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t force her to make the decision she made, you only gave her your rules for staying there that were in line with what she had already told you to do and then allowed her to make up her own mind about what she wanted to do.
She chose to take her child out of a safe home in order to be with a substance-addicted felon and that is not on you in any way.” Stunning-Interest15
8. AITJ For Excluding My Lazy, Manipulative SIL From Our Family Vacation?
“I (35F) recently purposely excluded my SIL (40F) from a family vacation, and now she is kicking up such a fuss that I am wondering if I was a jerk.
Background: My SIL has always been a difficult person to get along with. While she is not outwardly rude or anything, she has several personality traits mixed with enough questionable morals that she can be extremely grating. The most relevant issue is that she is breathtakingly lazy.
On past trips together, she has happily sat and done nothing while everyone else cooks, cleans up after meals, and even watches everyone clean up the rental while we are all trying to leave. She is like this in all aspects of life, even going so far as to use scooters in stores to avoid walking (she is not disabled).
The last time she was included on a big family trip, she treated us all like servants to the point my mother swore to never EVER go on another trip that included her.
The second issue is that she shamelessly mooches off of her father (mother has passed away) for money.
She will do anything and everything to get her father to pay for her many vacations, up to and including stealing her other siblings’ vacations that their father tries to gift them. For example, she will pretend she is helping to book the rental and purposefully pick a date her youngest brother can’t make, then graciously go in his place.
This has happened for about 4 years in a row.
Fast forward to the current problem: I have been planning a vacation to Virginia Beach for a year, and snagged a huge rental to accommodate my side of the family (we all go out there at least once a year.
Pooling money reduces the costs a lot). My brother and his kids had to drop out due to last-minute issues, and I figured that this would be the perfect opportunity to invite my husband’s brother to join us since he has been jilted out of a family vacation for at least four years.
Knowing my mother refuses to vacation with SIL, and given that she has stolen his other trips, I purposefully did not invite SIL, pretending that there aren’t enough beds. There is a pull-out in the rental that we could offer, but I feel like she is neither entitled to the trip, and frankly would ruin it.
Also, she would just milk her father for money to pay for her share, and he is a retired man on a limited income.
Now SIL is posting on social media about how she is left out, and everyone is leaving her behind. She is getting a lot of sympathetic reactions and support from friends and family to the point where I am starting to wonder if I am really the jerk here.
So I leave it to you to decide, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You know she’s manipulative. You know she’s really good at making other people feel sorry for her. You know your vacation would be awful with her there. I would just keep quiet and let her do her thing.
She’s trying to pressure you into changing plans or promising her a future vacation invitation. Simply ignore her. Don’t feed her. Don’t engage. Don’t give her an opening. You didn’t even need to explain why she didn’t get an invite. You are not required to invite her any more than you’re required to invite anybody else in the family.
Did you explain to FIL why you didn’t invite him? Other members of the family? Probably not. She’s just used to getting her way and using manipulative measures to get it. Don’t fall for it, and don’t give her an opening.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds like a pain in the rear. What kind of vacation is it if you’re annoyed at her the whole time? As far as her posts on social and the sympathy she garners… who cares? People who know her know the truth, people who think she’s a victim are probably not people you give half a care about anyway right?
The other option you’ve not mentioned is replying to her posts with the actual reasons why she’s not invited but that seems like a LOT of drama for very little value. Let her be upset, let her be the victim on social media, and go enjoy your vacation with the people you like to spend your limited free time with!” Demented-Alpaca
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Listen, SIL had someone else make her bed and now she needs to lie in it. She sounds like an unpleasant person in general and would suck the relaxation from the vacation. I am generally tired of people, and thus, very honest (but not cruel or barbaric) about them, SIL absolutely sucks and does not deserve to go anywhere if this is how she behaves.
I think you are behaving perfectly. Personally, I would reply to her pity party message knowing it would only make things worse but I have chosen chaos. You have chosen peace, keep choosing peace. You don’t want her there. Your mom doesn’t want her there.
I’m sure others don’t want her there. Your SIL likely knows why she isn’t invited, that’s why she turned to social media instead of addressing anyone directly. Let her have her subtweets. Closed mouth don’t get fed and if she doesn’t ask you directly for answers don’t bother entertaining her.
Have a great time on your SIL-free trip.” EJ_1004
7. AITJ For Calling Out My Best Friend And His Partner For Faking Texts?
“Alright, I (18F) and my male best friend who we’ll call “Jake” (19M) have been friends since childhood. He’s typically a kind and reasonable person – that was until he met “Anna” (18F).
Anna and I never became friends after they started seeing each other, mainly due to the fact that she was always plain rude to me.
Everything came to a head when she faked text messages between him and me where I allegedly confessed my feelings for him (I have a partner of 5 years, by the way). Anna used these to try to ruin my reputation. Except they were obviously faked, as the texts were grey and blue, not green and blue.
I have an Android and Jake has an iPhone.
When I confronted him, he said he found it “cute” that Anna got jealous and wasn’t mad at all. He told me to get over myself as it didn’t ruin my reputation. I told him he was a jerk and that he and Anna were awful people.
My friends said I took it too far, so I need to know.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. His partner attempts to ruin his best friend’s relationship and reputation and he thinks it’s “cute” because she is “jealous”?! Run, girl, run. She is obviously awful (and dumb as a rock) but in many ways, he is worse because he is destroying his friendships over this girl who is a known liar.
I’m trying to be sympathetic because they are all teenagers but… those two both just seem like jerks and as harsh as this sounds, I really do think you’d be better without them in your life.” _captainkate
Another User Comments:
“So Anna fakes a text conversation that could upend your long-term relationship and hurt your reputation; her partner thinks this is cute with no regard to the possible impact upon you; you tell him that he and Anna are awful people; and your friends think that YOU took things too far?
No. You didn’t. You hit the nail on the head. I realize that you’re all teens, and that’s young, and people grow and change, but I would strongly advise you to move away from this particular group of people — especially at this moment when you’re likely entering uni or vocational college and will be meeting a host of new potential friends.
Find yourself some friends who’ve already done some of the requisite growing and changing to see the twisted import of Anna’s behavior, and get who’s the victim and who’s the victimizer in interpersonal scenarios. Move forward until you can’t even see Jake or Anna in your rearview mirror.
NTJ.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but like.. if everything you say here is true, “Anna” is clearly being manipulative. They’re both treating you like dirt, but one day he might try to get out of that. You might need to decide to cut him out for now, which is very reasonable (I probably would after that).
But in the future, if he breaks free from that… the support of a good friend can be incredibly helpful when trying to escape a relationship like that, not that it’s your responsibility to help him. That’s a long time to be friends, so I wouldn’t write him off entirely.
It’s not your job or responsibility to deal with whatever he’s gotten himself into, but I’d keep an open mind if he reaches out in a few weeks/months/years and tries to reconcile.” BrainDue7166
6. AITJ For Remotely Erasing My Stolen MacBook That Ended Up In Singapore?
“Back in 2020, I was 17 and had just moved by myself from the UK to Australia. I bought a new MacBook Air for school, but then everything changed, and suddenly I had a plane ticket to New Zealand and two days to sell everything and leave.
I listed my laptop at a good price, and someone came to buy it that evening. The buyer was in his mid-20s and seemed nice. He showed me a bank transfer, and I saw the money in my account. We said our goodbyes, and I thought that was it.
A few hours later, a mark appeared next to the transfer, and within a few days, the money and the transaction disappeared. I still don’t fully understand what happened, but I was told it was an uncleared funds issue, and the bank couldn’t do anything.
I was devastated as it was a significant amount of money for me, and I didn’t make it to New Zealand.
A few months later, I needed a new phone and got a great deal on a second-hand iPhone X. To my surprise, there were messages from someone in Singapore.
The guy said he bought my laptop from an online store and wanted the password to my Apple account to use the device properly. I explained the situation and asked him to return the stolen laptop, which he refused. He claimed the MacBook model was rare in Singapore and insisted I give him the password.
Frustrated, I told him if someone steals your car and asks for the keys, you don’t just hand them over. I ended up selling the iPhone X for a profit and went back to Android.
About a year later, I got another MacBook and started exploring its settings.
When I opened the Find My iPhone app, I was shocked to see my stolen laptop listed with the guy’s name and location. I felt anxious about my data and messaged him again. His response was the same – he wouldn’t return it. After two years, I couldn’t really blame him.
I removed the device from my list, thinking that was the end of it.
Fast forward to today (four years later), and I checked Find My again. The laptop was back! I had enough and researched how to permanently remove it. I learned that if you remove a device while it’s offline, it comes back when it’s online.
To permanently remove it, you need to erase the device and then remove it. Erasing an Apple device deletes all data, settings, and information. Essentially remotely bombing the laptop and factory resetting it.
On one hand, my laptop was stolen, and the guy refused to return it even though he could’ve gotten a refund and he still has a fully function laptop, that he can now use without any of the restrictions he had.
On the other hand, nothing bad happened over the last four years, and he probably had a lot of personal and work stuff on it. I feel bad for him, but I was also stressed about my data being exposed to a stranger. As you can tell I’m not a big Apple person and I made mistakes along the way.
What do you think? Did I act like a jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“I would erase it all as that guy knew exactly what he is using (a stolen item). The only thing I don’t get is why did you sell your laptop with your data on it, as you keep saying that you want to erase your data but that also means that you gave away this laptop with your data on it in the first place, or I am not getting it.
NTJ but you got scammed and you should’ve reported that first guy to the police.” forgeris
Another User Comments:
“From a data safety standpoint, I say erase it. If that MacBook is linked to your account, anything you do on your Apple phone can show up on there.
Also, anything he does can pop up on your phone. Best case for him, is if it is marked as yours, but he has his account signed up, when you erase everything it’s backed up on his iCloud. Worst case for him, if he is using your account, it’s all saved to your iCloud and he loses it all.
But you did warn him, so I’d still say NTJ because you need to keep your info safe.” deveski
Another User Comments:
“Plot twist: Maybe you wrongly reset the laptop when you sold it (you said it yourself you did it hastily). The buyer couldn’t use it and told his bank that he got scammed by you.
The buyer then sold the computer for scrap to someone who was able to get it started but couldn’t remove the iCloud lock. That person then sold it to someone else … Anyway, you warned the guy in SG. He knew it was stolen. I guess he should be lucky you don’t decide to transform the laptop into a brick by locking it for good.” Billourabbit
5. AITJ For Removing My Friend From My Wedding Party After She Accused Me Of Theft?
“I, a 21-year-old female, kicked my friend (& roomie), a 24-year-old female, out of my bridal party after she accused me of stealing. Things were great, until one day when I got a text from her, asking about her bridesmaid dress. I chose bridesmaid dresses that I found affordable, considering all my bridesmaids are young and either just finished or were in college.
I also told all of them, that if there was any cost was too much for them, to reach out. I didn’t want any one of them to not be able to be in my bridal party due to cost. I sent them a group text, telling them to each reach out separately when they were ready to buy the dress, and I’d send the link since everyone had different styles.
A few months later, this friend reached out about the dress & I got a quick text back asking for me to pay the express shipping since it wouldn’t be there in time to have alterations if anything didn’t fit correctly. I was surprised, since I told them all the date to order it by.
I didn’t think that this was on me & my fiance suggested I tell her that. I kindly sent a text back, saying that since I gave everyone a date explaining why I didn’t think I should. I will add that shipping was not very expensive, and she was open about having a lot of money to spend.
She shopped a lot & always bragged about how her parents paid for almost everything. I was hurt that she wouldn’t just pay for the shipping as if it wasn’t important to her.
After this, she sent me a text asking if I had taken her shoes that she couldn’t find.
I was surprised by the text and told her no. She spent a lot of nights at her partner’s house and came home looking for things she eventually found at his house later. Once I came back from class early and found her digging through my dresser.
I asked her what she was doing she left my room without saying anything & sent me a text saying she knew I was taking her stuff & was calling the authorities. I had kind of hoped she would because then she would realize I hadn’t taken anything.
The next day I got another text asking for a specific shirt, telling me she looked through my closet and laundry but didn’t find it but knew I was hiding it. I told her I didn’t take it. Later she told our other roommate she found the shirt at her partner’s, but I never got an apology.
I sent her a message, because she wouldn’t agree to a phone call, telling her I had thought about it and decided it was best she wasn’t in my wedding but I hoped we could remain friends. She told me she was so relieved I told her before the dress arrived and she’d cancel the order.
I thought I made the right call and after her response, she confirmed for me she wasn’t acting like someone who I’d want in such a special role. However one of our mutual friends said he thought I was being a bit rude and shouldn’t have kicked her out.
So I’m here to ask, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your former friend/former bridesmaid is not well. Maybe one day when she gets sane and apologizes for accusing you of stealing, going through your stuff, and threatening to call the authorities, you can be friends again.
But until that day comes when she apologizes, cut her off. Don’t just kick her out of the bridal party, uninvite her from the wedding — you don’t need the amount of drama she’s serving.” bestbettsie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mutual friend is a pushover.
If a “friend” is accusing you of stealing is she really your friend? Especially since it’s already a pattern of behavior for her to lose her stuff at her partner’s house. She seems a little too comfortable with accusing you of theft and that is not ok.
Even without proof, there are people in this world who would believe her without a thought and rumors like that can be devastating to how people perceive you and whether they trust you. Then add to that SHE is the one going through your clothes when you aren’t home and didn’t even talk to you about why face to face and had to text you that she thought you were stealing from her?
Something smells rotten here. Have any of YOUR clothes gone missing?” Important_Flower_816
Another User Comments:
“Why do you even want to be friends with her?! I wouldn’t be after being accused of stealing. Are really okay with you being accused of being a thief?
You may think of her as a friend but she never thought of you as one. Just drop her as a friend and uninvite her from your wedding. Why keep her being a friend when it was just easy for her to destroy your name and reputation?
I would not engage with her at this point, who knows what she may accuse you of the next time, tell your other friends about it without verifying if it was true or not. Trust is already gone and she certainly is not your friend.” adie_sammy1202
4. AITJ For Refusing To Stay With My Dad's Family While He's Out Of Town?
“My dad is leaving town in a week or maybe like a week and a half. I forget when. He’ll be out of town for about 2 months. Not sure why exactly but something to do with work. My parents’ custody order says if mom or dad isn’t around for more than 4 hours I (15m) go to the other parent and if one of them is going out of town without me, they need to give the other the option to keep me for that period of time.
So with my dad going, I’ll be staying with my mom.
My dad’s wife isn’t happy about this and neither is my dad. He’s married but not to my mom. He has three kids with his wife under 6. They want me to go at least on weekends to see his wife and their kids.
But they argued for me to keep 50/50. I don’t even want to be there when my dad’s there. I’m not close to my dad. I really hate his wife. I don’t respect her or accept her into my family. Reasons I feel this way in general are she’s dad’s affair partner or whatever it’s called. She tried to get me to call her mom in another language because she doesn’t like me calling her by her first name (so I just say Ms. Last Name) and wanted the respect of a parent name.
They talk negatively about my mom despite having the affair, they accuse my mom of turning me against them despite my dad taking me to his wife’s house when they were having the affair and I saw them together and my dad and his wife tried to move out of state with me so “we could be a family”.
I had to speak to the judge when that happened. It was awful. So I’m only dealing with the custody stuff until I turn 17 (because then my voice will be listened to by a judge and not before then, we have checked with lawyers already).
My dad told me to think of the kids and how they’ll miss me. I told him it would help them get used to me not being around because when I turn 17 I won’t be anymore. He told me my feelings would change in two years and to embrace my time with them.
His wife said I’m a part of their family and should want to spend time with my other mom and my only siblings. I rolled my eyes at her. She called me disrespectful. She told me to stop being so stubborn and I said no. I said she can’t make me go to the house when dad isn’t around and they know they can’t get a court to force it so accept that they won’t see me for two months.
My dad and his wife both think I’m a jerk for it and they keep saying how much they dislike my decision.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The custody order is the way it is for a reason. You are supposed to be at your dad’s to spend time with your dad.
If he is gone, there is no reason for you to be there, and you should be with the other parent if they are available. Step-parents have no “rights” to your time, and I say this as a parent and step-parent. As the spouse of the parent, they of course can fill the role of a “trusted adult” who can make sure you are fed and housed, etc. in the absence of the parents.
But they are not “owed” love or deference, and only the ordinary respect you should give to any other person.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“Let your dad and his AP think you are a jerk. Stick to your guns. Honestly, and it’s probably a bad option: I would tell them your decision to stay with your mom was based on YOUR feelings and wishes.
But their dislike of it, just makes you relish the choice more. It just says: Look, AP is not and never will be my mom. You can lie and say we are a family, but we aren’t. Dad has two separate families: his AP and her kids and I am the other family.
Bonus points: start calling his wife “AP.” Refuse to tell her what it means. Tell her to search Reddit if she really wants to know.” DomesticPlantLover
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Custody time is to support your relationship with your dad. He may think of his wife as an extension of himself.
That doesn’t make that true for you. You have good reason to feel the way you do. Their pressuring you to “bond” with his second family is invalidating of your actual feelings about this mess. No wonder you feel pushed away. They want their version of you, an imaginary image that doesn’t exist. Meanwhile, actual real life you is “a problem.” Enjoy two months free of his household.” curiousity60
3. AITJ For Asking My In-Laws To Keep Quiet While My Baby Sleeps?
“I currently live with my in-laws with my infant son and husband.
My in-laws find themselves in screaming matches daily. Yesterday, while my son was asleep I could hear them screaming from downstairs where we stay with the door shut.
I have been told that I can let them know when the baby is sleeping. There was a break in their argument and so I said, “Just so you guys know, the baby is sleeping” in a neutral tone and promptly exited the scene.
Moments later I heard my father-in-law using my name and curse words together and something about “his freaking house” to my mother-in-law. Then he came up to me 10 minutes later, heated, and said “Just so you know, I respect him (the baby) but I don’t think you get to shush me in my own home.
This is my house.” I just looked at him and then he walked away.
This morning I wanted to talk to him and asked my mother-in-law if I should about his responses towards me but my mother-in-law said “he has a point, it’s his house.” All I can think is, it sure is, but I don’t think I did or said anything wrong or to warrant that reaction.
Seriously folks, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Are you and your husband paying rent? I say you’re NTJ but then, neither are they (except for how your father-in-law treated you – that was jerky). It’s obvious they’re feeling encroached upon (even if it was their idea to invite you to live with them).
It’s probably going to be a delicate situation moving forward. I wouldn’t ever interrupt one of their fights again if I were you as clearly it sets you up for misdirected anger and you don’t need that.” IamIrene
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying, “hey can you keep it down baby is sleeping.” The minute he cursed at your name and then flat-out told you he doesn’t respect you – game over.
I don’t care if it takes 20 years to save for a house, time to move out. And also, you shouldn’t be having any more conversations with your in-laws period. Your husband needs to deal with his parents. If my husband heard anyone in his family tell me they don’t respect me…ooooh boy!
He would not stand for that.” CheeSupreme1743
Another User Comments:
“You said they have daily screaming matches. They would have been carrying on like this prior to you moving, certainly happening while you’re living there, and probably will continue once you leave. That’s their normal and after years & years of it, they are not going to change, even for a sleeping baby.
They can say they want to know when the baby is sleeping, but you can’t come between people in a heated exchange. Your husband would have known about their arguing so should have either given you a “heads up” prior to moving in, or just not agreed to moving in and subjecting his wife and child to it.
Ultimately, it’s their home so either learn to live with it or leave; you’re not being held hostage. Also, when you do finally leave, remember that should you allow your child sleepovers with the grandparents, they’ll probably be hearing the screaming fights you now put up with.
They aren’t going to change, so don’t believe them when they promise not to fight if you let the child spend the night with them.” Amazing-Suggestion77
2. AITJ For Wanting To Reunite With My Wife Alone After Deployment?
“I (21M) have been deployed for the past 10 months and I will be getting home in 1 week.
My plan was for my wife to be the only one to know what date I was coming back, so that when I get leave we can go back and surprise all of our family and friends.
My wife (21F) visited home a couple of weeks ago for a family event, and while she was there she spent a day with my mom and 2 younger sisters (hs age).
My mother is very pushy and hates surprises. So much so that me surprising her by coming home would make her mad at me. My wife and I knew we would eventually have to tell her because of this, but we’re waiting until the last minute because she would have told my sisters if she knew my date.
Well, while my wife was there, my mom pushed and pushed. Telling her that she wouldn’t speak to her, let the girls go places, and she had to know so she could take days off work. My wife gave her a week range of my leave (a couple of weeks after I get back) so that she could request off.
Well, my mom texted me today telling me that she would be here for the welcome home when our plane lands. I asked if she cleared this with my wife, seeing as she apparently planned to stay with us in our 1 bedroom apartment, and she said no. I asked if the girls knew and were coming, and she said no.
My mom has done a few things that presses between my wife and me, so I lost it on her. Told her I wouldn’t be giving her the date that I fly in, that if I wanted her there I would want my sisters there as well.
I stopped there until she started complaining that she was a single mom who raised me on her own and that I should want to see her first. That’s when I told her I didn’t want her in my house at all when I first get home.
I am a married, grown man now, I don’t need my mom, I want to see and spend time with my wife first and foremost. She pressed further saying “I’ve been here for you since before you were born, she’s been here for 4 years.” Eventually trash-talking my wife, saying she doesn’t even have a real job and doesn’t contribute.
My wife is a nanny while she is in school, and she gets paid well, so she absolutely does contribute more than enough.
This is where I may be the jerk. I told my mom that I was tired of her badgering and that I wanted to come home to my wife and be alone in our home with our pets.
My wife and I would not want to host her, and we wanted the house to ourselves so that we could have private time wherever and whenever we please because we haven’t seen each other in so long.
My mom cried. She’s sending me long paragraph texts every few hours about how she doesn’t know where her caring son went, about how I need to let my wife go because I use her for her body, about how all I care about is my own pleasure, and I have no care for my family at all.
So, AITJ? I haven’t responded to the messages my mother is sending, but if I get ideas from the possible comments, I might.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Many (30+) years ago I worked with a woman whose husband had been in the army. She told me about the “Hail and Farewell” ceremonies that were held with respect to deployments.
When soldiers returned, ONLY THE WIVES were encouraged to attend the ceremony to greet their husbands and make other arrangements for their children. The point was that the husband/wife relationship should be re-established first. I’m not sure of the time frame – maybe 20 minutes, maybe more than an hour.
I have no idea. After that, the soldier would be reunited with his kids, while his wife was present. This was the family being reunited. No soldier’s mother, siblings, etc. were part of that ceremony. Your mom needs to stop this immediately. Enjoy your time together again.
When you’re both ready for company, your mom can find a hotel.” MsLead
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. Your mother can’t get around the idea that you have your own life separate from her and it’s driving her nuts. She wants to continue controlling you and making your choices for you.
She has to let go or else she’s going to damage any future relationship she has with you. The guilt-tripping and the crying and “where did my little boy go” bull crap is just her trying to break you down. Don’t let her. Set your boundaries and make her respect them.
Your wife is woman #1 in your life now and she needs to accept that. If she can’t, then you need to restrict her time with you until she respects your boundaries.” Mail_Writer580
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is wrong. Your wife is the primary person in your life now, not your mother.
And yes she was a single parent, blah blah blah. I was a single parent to an only son and I had to accept that his wife comes first. Always. Holidays, birthdays, regular old days of the week. Wife comes first. That is as it should be and if your mother truly loved you the way she claims she would want you to have a happy and healthy marriage and not interject herself into your marriage.
Your mother’s comments about you using your wife for her body are quite frankly disgusting. She is a jealous and bitter woman and for the sake of your future, I would encourage you to do what you can to distance yourself from her at least until she realizes that she no longer has the power in your relationship with her.
You are an adult. You are no longer a child who has to do what she says. And your wife may need to significantly decrease contact with her as well. Your mom needs therapy to help her address her jealousy.” enchylatta
1. AITJ For Supporting My Dad's Decision To Divorce After Our Family Ignored His Past Abuse?
“So my family is my dad, mom, my two sisters, and my two brothers. I’m (17m) the oldest. My dad has been estranged from his dad since he was my age.
His mom died when he was 10. So we never knew grandma either. My dad was open about the fact grandpa wasn’t a very nice man and all kinds of stuff. But he never went into details. I know he really did a number on Dad because I still sometimes see Dad look ashamed if he spills something or makes a mistake.
I also know he tries to hold back any time he cries and looks downright disgusted with himself for crying.
Three years ago his dad reached out and my mom and my sister (15) were SO excited and basically welcomed him into the family. Dad said no way.
He and Mom fought a lot about it. My siblings all told Dad they had a right to know our grandfather and he should love his dad.
I was dragged along at first and I stopped going. Dad has refused to have any part in it and he and Mom fought because he told her his father was never going to step foot inside our house and if he did, then Dad would leave and he would never come back.
So Mom takes my siblings to see him.
Christmas was a huge darn fight last year because they decided to spend it with this dude and my dad refused to go and so did I. My siblings started crying into Dad’s face that they wanted Christmas with him.
Mom was calling him selfish. She tried to do the whole “I’m your mother and you listen to me” and Dad told her he’s my father and I could stay with him if I wanted to.
They’re still sour about it but then Dad took me out for his birthday and didn’t come home until late because he found out they were planning to take him out to meet with his father.
My dad told my mom and my siblings since he cannot trust them with his birthday, he will only celebrate with the people he can trust now. I also heard him tell Mom this couldn’t continue and they needed to divorce.
Now my mom is freaking out because she doesn’t want the divorce and my siblings are really upset.
They told me I should help since Dad and I are still close. I told them they should learn to live with the consequences of their decisions. I pointed out to mom she was always big on us learning. I told them this is a big one.
My mom told me my siblings are so young and don’t deserve this. I told her it’s all her fault because she undermined Dad by making a point to demand he come in front of my siblings and so they think they can manipulate him and not listen.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, “my dad was open about the fact grandpa wasn’t a very nice man and all kinds of stuff. But he never went into details. I know he really did a number on Dad because I still sometimes see Dad look ashamed if he spills something or makes a mistake.
I also know he tries to hold back any time he cries and looks downright disgusted with himself for crying.” So this man literally abused your father, then your mom and sister thought it would be wonderful if they reconnected???? And your father shared this sensitive and personal information with her because he thought he could trust her????
Why is your mom mad at him, you’re absolutely right my guy. She did this to herself and her family.” black_bongwater
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Mom with a savior complex kept pushing an implied abuser of her husband back into his life with no regard for the actual victim’s feelings and is now shocked that the husband reached his limit seeking divorce.
She’s right, the siblings and OP did not deserve their family being torn apart but she didn’t love them or her husband enough to see through her narcissistic behavior. You have every right to call out your mom for what the situation is and sadly, the burnt bridge to fixing this is slowly crumbling down.
Hopefully, your siblings will soon understand how big of a mistake your mom made to the family. Wish you and your dad all the best.” Ok_Media_0210
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Point out to your mother that she tried to force your father into a relationship with his abuser.
Use the phrase, “his abuser.” Then to make matters worse she took his children to visit, and have a relationship with, his abuser. Ask her how she would feel if she were abused and if your dad was similarly disloyal and did the same thing to her.
Tell her to put herself in your dad’s shoes and see the incredible wrong she committed. Tell her she should seek out therapy and maybe she will not destroy her next relationship by going on a bandwagon without considering the consequences. Tell your dad you understand why he is upset but that if he divorces your mom, then his abuser wins again.
Suggest family (without the abuser) counseling.” C_Port_Sissabagamah
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