People Get Some Tough Love After Telling Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Not Inviting My Partner's Stepmother To My 21st Birthday Party?
“My (21F) parents separated when I was 6 and have since remarried and had more children. It was a messy separation and wasn’t always pretty but after some time and a lot of effort on their part, they have been sharing meals for my birthdays since I was about 16.
My partner (22M) and I have been together since 15/16. His parents are also divorced but separated when he was 14. It was messy, with allegations of his dad being unfaithful. He’s lived with his mum since in a new house but sees his dad regularly who lives in the old house.
His dad started seeing E within 12-18 months and she moved in within 2 years. It was messy, to say the least.
About 2 years ago his sister had her 21st and to avoid drama invited both their bio parents and the new partner E’s children (22F & 23M, only 23M came) but not E.
This seemed to go as smoothly as it could, as an outsider. My partner didn’t have a 21st to avoid dealing with the issue.
There’s a history of an incident occurring when his mum and E were present, I believe instigated by his mum but I wasn’t there so can’t comment.
His mum gets upset and uncomfortable when his dad and E are mentioned around her. It’s worth mentioning, that I’m much closer with his mum’s side due to him living with her and us generally being around each other a lot more often.
When planning my 21st, I was really stuck on what to do. If they were my parents I would’ve told them to be there and be civil or not to come at all. But they aren’t so I knew that would be inappropriate.
After discussing with my parents and then with my partner, he said he didn’t want to face the drama of inviting E. When mentions of a possible party happened they half-jokingly commented that they probably wouldn’t be able to go, to avoid the drama of his mum.
This comment annoyed me but that’s another post’s story.
In the end, I decided to invite everyone including E’s kids but not E or his dad. I reached out to her and his dad on the same day as invites to ask if they were available on my birthday to go for dinner together and celebrate (my 21st was scheduled for the following weekend) and I got no response.
I also brought up going for dinner in person and the topic was brushed past. Additionally, neither of her children came or messaged to explain their absence which leads me to think it was related to her not being invited. I feel awful for not having invited her but am not sure how else I could’ve approached the situation.
I could tell it strained things between us afterward. I had hoped they might’ve understood the predicament. I also understand that it must suck for them to always miss these events.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, your partner should have stepped up to the plate and told both his sets of parents that they were invited; that he expected them to be on their best behavior; and that any drama would result in their being uninvited and not being invited to his eventual wedding.
There comes a time to tell our parents and other family to just knock it off. Your partner missed an opportunity and left the dirty work to you.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for buying into their drama. Invite everyone and let them sort it out.
Not inviting the significant other of someone you’re inviting is totally a jerk move. You could have just not invited your partner’s family at all, as what do they have to do with your birthday anyway? Somebody has to be the adult who sets the precedent of, don’t bring y’alls nonsense to my party.” Skizzybee
Another User Comments:
“YTJ… Your party, your invites! How you feel about E is one thing. Did you really expect E’s children to email you a response? They went to their stepsister’s party. Did you honestly think they were going bend over backward for their stepbrother’s partner?” Early_Equivalent_549
21. AITJ For Cutting My Cake Poorly And Upsetting My Partner?
“Recently, I bought a cake mainly for myself because I just felt like doing so, really nice strawberry cake. I live in an apartment with my partner who usually doesn’t like sweet things so I didn’t expect her to ask for anything, to be honest.
I don’t really care about properly cutting a cake, as I usually butcher it anyway by accident, and it’s my cake, so I just made a poorly done slice, ate it, and went on with my day, and didn’t expect anything really drastic.
Well, I guess my partner wanted to try the cake and got mad at me, saying I was lazy for not putting in the effort to cut a cake properly, and if I couldn’t put the effort into that, what else, and some other things I can’t really remember.
I mean, I do my fair share of chores around the house, work and such, and I paid for the cake with my own money and such, so I was kinda confused as to why she was mad about the cake.
I just replied ‘It’s just a cake’ and offered her the ‘untouched’ part, but she just got angrier and said If I hadn’t cut it wrong in the first place, none of this would’ve happened anyway.
So now she’s been kinda cold with me, and now I’m wondering whether I did something wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and she’s clearly mad about something other than cake. As a woman, I hate the stereotype that women overreact about something small and then expect you to read between the lines to figure out what is really wrong, but sometimes it is true.
She needs to talk with you honestly about what is really bothering her so you can both move past it not give you the cold shoulder while she expects you to figure it out. You’re not a mind reader.” feelingjustpeachy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you did make a mistake–leaving the cake where someone else could find it.
Maybe you don’t have siblings. There’s a life lesson in this situation. Hide your cake. If your parents were like mine, they would have told you that you had to deal with their rules but could make your own when you became an adult. Well, you’re an adult now and that means you get to buy cake and eat it however you like.
However, there’s a complication. You didn’t hide the cake and now know that your partner does sometimes like it. So in the future, you’ll need to set aside some for her. Cut a generous slice and put it where it will stay perfect, then create as much of a mess as you want with the rest of it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Info: when you say fair share of chores do you mean you split household labor evenly or do you do some and in your mind that constitutes a “fair share”? I’m truly not trying to be rude here, it just seems like from her comment that she feels like you’re not trying in something or multiple things in your relationships and she’s at her wit’s end.
She should communicate this properly with you instead of losing it over cake definitely. If you are looking to continue the relationship I would ask her what’s going on deeper and if she feels like there is a labor discrepancy (or something else feels unbalanced in the relationship).
I would also ask her to communicate with you better in the future instead of bottling it up until it bubbles over. You also will need to be open and receptive to her if and when she communicates her issues in a respectful and adult manner.” uhhhhnothanks4
20. AITJ For Letting My Kids Use The Bikes At A Play Centre That Were Being Hogged?
“I took my kids (8, 4, and 3) to an indoor play center. Being school holidays it was reasonably busy. There were these bike things (no pedals: kids sat on them and put their feet up, and it moved by turning the steering wheel).
Anyway, there were two of these.
For the first hour and a half or so I was there both were being used by the same three kids (siblings). Other kids were asking to have a turn and parents were asking as well, but the kids refused to let anyone else use them.
Eventually, they sat down for lunch. I figured I could use the time to let my kids have a turn. Their mum told them to take the bikes to their table so they didn’t ‘lose’ them to other kids. While walking back from a different area my daughter asked if she could have a turn, and I said yes.
She took one of the bikes (it was between two tables blocking the walkway) and scooted off. Another parent saw me do it and got their kid to come grab the second one.
Later the mum came and said I was rude for taking the kids’ bikes when they were using them.
I told her it’s rude to hog equipment in a shared play area, and they were just sitting in the walkway when I took one. She kept glaring at me until I left.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You would have been rude for “taking the bikes when they were using them,” if you had done that, but you didn’t.
Clearly they weren’t using them. So long as you kept to the rules of the play space, you’re good.” VoyagerVII
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I strongly dislike parents like this, the ones that think their children should have everything, even at the expense of other kids’ enjoyment.
Complete nonsense. Next time, you should definitely speak directly to the mother and tell her to do one, because hogging a toy for over an hour and a half…” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I mean the bikes were just sitting there and hogging equipment in a shared playground is just rude and entitled. Still, just as a note, people like that mother might just start an argument, and try to get you kicked out, even worse when nobody saw anything or there are no cameras, I always advise to not engage dumb people, as usually you both get screwed over nothing and in the end, everybody suffers.” Patorikum
19. AITJ For Quitting My Job After My Boss Abused Me Over An Accident?
“My boss is a 40-something who thinks he’s funny and I’m a first-year apprentice.
I, 18M, quit in the middle of the night and got picked up by my dad after my boss continuously made me feel like a jerk because I hit a kangaroo on our way to a job. He threatened my job multiple times and I was also banned from driving to get dinner and he made me walk 5-6 km (I don’t know miles) in the freezing cold to get dinner.
I’m ashamed to say that I don’t cry often but over the course of the last month I’ve just been abused over and over by him and I finally broke on the cold walk. I cried for a solid ten minutes which felt like hours to me.
I called my mum who in turn called my dad and we discussed it and decided I was quitting so I got picked up and we left. I sent a text to my boss and I left.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We don’t have kangaroos where I live, but we have deer, which are also incredibly unpleasant to hit.
Even experienced drivers hit deer, so I assume even experienced drivers hit kangaroos (if it ever happens again, please contact local wildlife rescue about it–even if it’s dead, if it’s a female, it may have a surviving joey). Your ex-boss was incredibly cruel to you making you walk that far in the winter (3-3.7 miles).
I’m glad your folks sided with you–you aren’t deserving of being treated like that for an unfortunate thing that happens to a lot of people. I’m sure many drivers have hit wildlife at some point.” Limerase
Another User Comments:
“Oh man, don’t be embarrassed about crying, anyone would after being harassed like that.
That dude was awful to you, you deserve respect. Good on you for leaving, this stranger is proud of you!! My oldest felt the same at her first real job last year, had a terrible manager who tried pressuring her into doing something really dangerous for the company.
I was so proud when she finally realized that she had the power to tell that manager to get lost and that sometimes quitting is the best option. Good job. NTJ.” ppl_n_r_neighborhood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just remember, your boss could fire you and leave you stranded. At least in the States, you’re under no obligation to give two weeks’ notice or anything like that.
You can quit any time you want. Your boss is a jerk. You were right to quit. People like him prey on young people such as yourself who may be a bit naive about their job rights.” The_Fires_Of_Orc
18. AITJ For Not Inviting My Half-Siblings To My Graduation?
“My half-siblings (Dad’s side: 29M, 27F, 25M, 23F) (Mom’s side 30F, 27F, 24M) and I (22M) have never had the best relationship, they dislike me and made sure I knew it.
For some context, my parents were unfaithful to their spouses (my half-siblings’ parents) to have me. My parents were co-workers who fell in love, were unfaithful, mom got pregnant, they left their spouses and got married. They had partial custody of their kids (50/50) so they were always in my life but they disliked me, I had a better relationship with my sister 23, and my brother 24 but as they grew up, they also rejected me.
The eldest ones (from both sides) used to call me illegitimate, affair child, among other names. My parents often scolded them but they just kept on, the week we had them was the worst, because I wanted to play with them but they rejected me all the time, and I remember being desperate to make them be good siblings to me but I never could, so I decided to stop trying.
Our relationship hasn’t improved, they still ignore me and just invite me because it’s expected, the seven are in a chat group where I’m not (not that I want to but you get the point).
I’ll have my graduation this August 15th thus my parents and I were talking about the people I wanted to be at the ceremony, I can have 5 guests.
If I want more then I have to pay an extra price for each seat, (a maximum of 15) my parents say they’d cover the price for my half-siblings to come but I don’t really want them there. They’ve always been mean to me because of something I didn’t ask for, I mean, I never asked to be born, I love my parents but if someone deserves the hate it’s them (that might sound selfish but you know, I’m just tired of being rejected by them).
When I told my parents about my decision not to invite my half-siblings, they were so disappointed and told me that they expected our relationship to improve but seriously I’m tired of trying any harder. My mom and dad reminded me that they all invited me to their graduations (yes, they did but acted like I wasn’t there) and this would make them feel not part of the family.
I already sent my granny (Dad’s mom) the invitation and when they found out they got mad about me “excluding them” and said that they want to be part of their “little brother’s achievement”.
My mom says that I should just forget what they did as kids since it was also hard for them and we should try to build a better relationship now.
I don’t know guys; I have until July 15th to buy the extra invitations (My mom reserved 13 just in case) AITJ if I don’t invite them?
My siblings say they want to be part of it and even sent me (3 of them) a message saying how hurt they are.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as someone whose sister hated them for being born and was the scapegoat for every injustice in her life, I cannot imagine how bad it would be multiplied by 7. I would genuinely message the 3 back and ask them if they ever, just once, considered how hurt you were every time they and your siblings rejected you, insulted you, and blamed you over the course of your entire life for something that was never your fault.
Tell them that you didn’t cause your parents affair, you didn’t ask to be born and they have spent 22 years blaming you for something that was never in your control. Then ask them why you would want to invite them to anything, why you would want to have them involved with something good in your life when they have always been a source of pain.
Either they’ll open their eyes or stick their heads further in the sand, but this may be a wake-up call for them, they may realize this will be the first in a long line of events in your life that you will have 0 interest in them attending or being a part of, because of their own actions.” Barelyaberry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They treated you like crap and still expect to be part of your celebration. Out of curiosity which 3 siblings have messaged you and what did they say? If it was the oldest that from the start treated you terribly and called you names I would just respond with something like a list of all the cruel names they called you over the years and saying ‘this is why I don’t want you at my graduation’, But if it’s the youngest I do wonder if they feel bad as they could have simply felt social pressure to exclude you along with the older siblings or be excluded as well.
Basically, you don’t have to invite them but if were you I would be interested in knowing why those 3 felt the need to message you as clearly, the other 4 don’t care enough to even do that and guilt you make themselves look good. Maybe you can even get some sort of apology/admission of guilt from those that msg you though again that doesn’t mean you have to invite those that do.” Drayle171
Another User Comments:
“Your parents are the biggest jerks here. It’s not on you to try to have a relationship with people who have openly shown hate to you. Your parents failed you and their other kids with their actions (and lack thereof). It sounds like they want you to do the work since you have both your parents together and the others don’t.
I’m trying to figure out how every single adult in your life, including your grandmother, has turned a blind eye to how you’ve been treated, and insisted that you invite people who would probably ruin your day. Stick to your decision OP. Your parents need to face the consequences of allowing this behavior to go on for so long.
I don’t know if there was ever therapy involved here, but jeez, at the very least they should’ve never let you be subjected to that behavior. NTJ.” Fire_or_water_kai
17. AITJ For Blaming My Dad's Friends For His Death At His Funeral?
“I (18F) recently lost my dad in a motorbike accident, the official cause of the accident is still being looked into but it’s pretty clear that my dad was at fault also so lucky no one else was hurt.
It’s always been just me and my dad and his large group of friends who are pretty much my “uncles”.
Dad broke his leg four months ago and was told if he rested and did plenty of rehab he’d be able to ride again in six-eight months.
Dad did hardly any rehab unless I was on his back about it, just lay around feeling sorry for himself and my uncles coming to visit all the time.
Two weeks ago they were all going for a ride and convinced my dad to go with them.
I told him not to go but he didn’t listen and he never made it home. From what I have been told it looked like he lost power in his leg and lost his balance and skidded into traffic.
When I got up to speak at his funeral my anger got the better of me and I said something like “if they hadn’t convinced Dad to go we wouldn’t be here and I hold them responsible for his death.”
I know that my father was an adult and he was responsible for his own actions that led to his death but at the same time, they were just as bad with convincing my dad to go with them.
Afterwards, no one spoke to me but in the last week I’ve had just about everyone calling and texting telling me how much of a jerk I am… so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. (F20) here. I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how painful this must be for you. While Dad was an adult, his friends should’ve looked out for him better. In their eyes, I’m sure they thought this would help with his depression, but they did not act like friends at that moment.
They should not go after you, a hurting, grieving, young adult. Get therapy – I promise it can help. Any kind of counseling will benefit you. Try to get a good support team together. If you ever wanna just rant or cry or need an online hug, you have tons of people available.
Me included.” Antallday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I get you are 18 and an adult, but you are a child grieving her father. My heart breaks for you. Nothing can ever replace your father, lost mine many years ago and still think of him daily. Your grief is raw and new, and you are entitled to feel exactly as you do.
It’s none of my business and you can tell me to sod off, but I ask you to remember that your uncles are grieving in their own right, and likely racked with guilt for encouraging him to go and for letting you down and leaving you alone.
There is something about men, and men with bikes that makes them feel invincible and hard-headed. Not telling you to forgive them, just saying maybe don’t close your heart to them completely. They are your family of sorts, who share so much history and love for your dad.” justtired2022
Another User Comments:
“Most people that think YTJ are just going to skip past this, so you’re going to get a lot of confirmation bias where I don’t think you are going to get a fair vote. People don’t want to pile on a grieving young woman.
At the end of the day, the fault solely lies with your father in his accident. He is an adult who chose not to take his rehab seriously. He is an adult who chose to take the HUGE risk of ignoring his doctor’s orders, knowing the danger of going out on the motorcycle.
Your father failed to prioritize his safety. I stopped riding street bikes because I was the only person in my friend group that did not crash. It is inevitable that you will eventually be in an accident, and it is colossally stupid to go out on a bike when your body isn’t 100%.
Your father headed out with a crippled leg and refused to listen to his body and he paid the price. He had an error in judgment in that he did the opposite of what his doctor recommended, and he predictably paid for it. HE was the one with a daughter at home.
HE was the one that discounted your pleading and chose to ride instead. That doesn’t mean that he didn’t love you, it just means that he was flawed. And it sounds like your father’s friends are just the personification of the frustration that you are feeling toward your father.
So go to therapy, process this grief. Celebrate your father but accept him for the man that he was. He chose to get on that bike knowing that it meant that it would leave you broken like this.” agjios
16. AITJ For Wanting My Kids To Have Alone Time With Their Grandma?
“I (38f) have two kids, John 9M and Pia 6f. My sister (40f) has one kid, Mel (6f). She has been trying to get pregnant for years but to no avail. She’s very worried her daughter’s life will be ruined because she’s an only child.
My mom moved from a town close to me, to the same street as my sister (and a 30-minute drive away from us). Sister and Mel see my mom a couple of times a week. My kids see my mom maybe, 1 maybe 2 times a month (it used to be every week).
My kids stay over at my mom’s maybe 1 night per couple of months. When my kids stay for a night at my mom’s, my kids are very excited to see her, stay at the new house, play games, etc (my mom is a very good grandma).
Usually, my kids arrive at dinner time, stay the night and they’ll come home around noon, so there’s not much time to spend together (with work-life and hobbies and stuff it’s not always an option to stay longer).
My kids prefer staying at my mom’s place instead of going out, and they even don’t really enjoy going to my sister’s place, right around the corner.
The relationship between my kids and Mel is okay, although Mel can be very demanding, and can suck up the attention of Grandma. My sister has a habit of stopping by grandma and staying or letting Mel stay to play/eat together when my kids are at grandma’s.
Now, that’s where I may have been the jerk. The last two times my kids went to stay at grandma’s, I specifically asked to let my kids enjoy their alone time with their grandma, alone, because my kids see their grandma less than they used to and they truly enjoy spending time together.
My sister was a bit annoyed and said this way the kids never get a chance to play together (btw, we have plenty of family get-togethers where we’re all together. We celebrate every birthday, holiday, and stuff like that together. We see each other regularly).
I replied she can always invite my kids for a playdate if she wants Mel to play with her niece and nephew, but I would like to have my kids alone time with our mom also, just like Mel has a couple of times every week.
This was all a month ago or something like that. But yesterday on the phone with my sis, she was like ‘oh yeah, I promised at John’s birthday in February to go buy summer toys with him. Maybe you can go buy it with him and let me know the amount since you prefer to not let him stay here.’ I was gobsmacked and said I found that unfair of her to say.
I said it was never about her or Mel, but about Grandma. I said that she could always invite my kids to play, besides using the time my kids go to their grandma. Also, she’s John’s godmother so her suggestion is double weird cause.
Anywho.
I feel like the jerk, but also not so much. What do you guys think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kids are people and they want meaningful relationships with family members they look up to, like grandparents, and it’s hard to develop that with other kids around.
It also makes it harder for the older relatives to get to know individual kids. Your sister was hurt by your request and that’s valid. What isn’t valid is using toys and time for her niece and nephew as a way to lash out at you for making the request. NTJ.” Huntress_of_the_Moon
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I don’t think this is a jerk situation, it sounds more like a lack of communication with potentially a side of favoritism. Have you told your mom how upset you and your children are that her move has dramatically changed the dynamic of their relationship?
30-minute distance is not an insurmountable obstacle. It should not mean your kids are getting 1/10 of the time with your mom that they used to. If this is about your mom prioritizing your sister’s child over making an effort with yours that favoritism is wrong and should be discussed. Your sister seems to want your children to play with hers, and although she is going about it in a very passive-aggressive nonsensical way the sentiment does not make her a jerk.
How about having grandma come to you? Or inviting your niece to your house to play? There are tons of solutions to this problem, banning your niblings from a house that is not yours is not one of them.” Kind-Philosopher1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We live across the country from my family and for years my mother insisted on bringing along my nephew so the ‘cousins can have bonding time’.
My nephew is five years older than my oldest and eight years older than my youngest. They were never on the same emotional plane. My mother also tended to favor my nephew even while with my kids. So now my kids are in college and their relationship with my mother is basically non-existent.
She has made stupid comments that would cause ripples in a close relationship, but since she did not make the effort when they were younger, there is not much sentiment to help them forgive and forget, so it was more like a Cat5 hurricane. OP, your mother needs to treat all of her grandchildren equally and put her foot down with your sister.
If not, your mother will be like mine and wonder why she knows nothing about her adult grandchildren. (Well, except for my nephew – he lives with her.)” ScarletteMayWest
15. AITJ For Moving Out After My Siblings Ate My Snacks Without Permission?
“I (17m) recently got a job at a fast food restaurant and with my recent pay I decided to buy some snacks for when I get home or if I’m hungry, but my sister (13f) and brother (12m) looked through my room and found my stash of snacks and ate them all and when I got home I got angry and (this is the part where I think I the jerk) yelled at them to get out of my room and pay me for all the things they ate.
My mom came running in and demanded I tell her what happened.
I explained to her that my brothers ate all my snacks but my mom cut me off and yelled at me for being so selfish. I told her I would’ve been fine giving them some if they would’ve just asked but she continued to say I had no right to yell at them and that if I didn’t want them eating my stuff then I shouldn’t have bought it.
I told her that she was being unreasonable but she told me if I didn’t like her rules then I should move out.
I left the next day to stay at my dad’s but my mom told everyone in the family and they’re calling me a jerk for making my mom and siblings upset but I don’t think I did anything wrong so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mother is likely missing the rent payments you gave her. Also, if you had to help around the house – cleaning, etc, she misses that. Also if you ever had to do laundry, cook, look after your brother and sister. I’m listing these things because women like your mother have a pattern of behavior.
I’m sure this wasn’t a one-off incident. Don’t go back. Just tell whoever is making a fuss about it, that your mother told you to get out of her house. That though you paid rent, you couldn’t protect your property, or stop it being taken whilst you lived there.
NTJ.” Successful_Dot2813
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are being a little bit of a jerk, but you are 17, so I will cut you a break. Your brother and sister are also kids who are being jerks. The problem is you have a parent who is not parenting and being a huge jerk.
There should have been consequences for your siblings, she should have taken you seriously, and she shouldn’t have pushed you into a position where you said you were leaving. Now you are mad and can’t back down and instead of helping solve the situation she is throwing gas on the fire which is burning your relationship with her and also with your siblings.” tomtomclubthumb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I wouldn’t do such a drastic move just because of snacks. Your brothers shouldn’t eat your snacks without your permission and your mother should have used this situation to teach them about respect for other people’s property, but I also see that, for her, just some snacks isn’t something to get really dramatic about.
NTJ because she told you that you should move.” bbrydei
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Academic Reward With My Partner?
“It was my partner’s birthday a couple of days ago, he got 500$ for this birthday along with 1000$+ worth of gifts and treats from me and his friends, I spent 500$+. His friends paid the rest.
I got the 500$+ from my parents because I graduated. And I saved that money for my partner’s birthday
Fast forward to today, I asked him if he could take me to a cinema to watch a new movie with me (it’s a fully private cinema) it cost 300$. But he suggested we go to karaoke, which is cheaper, it cost 150$. Again, a fully private studio.
But I was really looking forward to the movie so I asked him some more and told him to reconsider a bit and I don’t like karaoke
He then got mad and yelled at me saying he doesn’t get anything on his birthday (this is somewhat true, he didn’t get anything for his birthday from his family except the 500$).
He then proceeded to tell me off because it’s his money and he should be able to do whatever he wants with it and that he wants to buy himself some more gifts, understandable. I let it be and didn’t push that conversation any further and was happy I could just spend some time with him.
Recently a teacher who taught me said if I get an A in my final exams they would reward me with 3000$. My partner was really happy because he knows I’ll get A and he asked me to give him half of the money I get (1500$).
I said I’ll think about it.
WIBTJ if I didn’t share my money?
Disclaimer, my country’s currency is not $ and I used $ to have some privacy.”
Another User Comments:
“Why would you give him half the money over something that you have earned yourself? Tell him to get a job and save up that money himself.
YWBTJ if you gave it to him. He seems to be a money grabbing jerk thinking he is entitled to your money. Red flags.” MsLollister
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he seems to be a leech, wanting half of the money he doesn’t work for. I’m guessing if you said no and didn’t give him the money he will throw a tantrum and then started to guilt trip you or something like, he never had that kind of money to buy things, etc. It’s almost like his money is his money (although it’s actually from you) and your money is his money as well.” ult_jellybeans
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he wants to keep the money he got for his birthday and spend it on himself, that’s perfectly reasonable. You should do the same! Unlike a birthday present, you earned the $1500 by your own hard work so that’s even more reason why you should not give him any of it.
He has a lot of nerve asking for it.” CADreamn
13. AITJ For Not Paying My Partner Back For Groceries I Forgot To Buy?
“I (24f) have been living with my partner for 6 months, we’ve been together for 2 and a half years. We split the rent 50/50 and utilities 50/50 we also take turns paying each other for dates, dinners, groceries, etc.
A few days ago I went to pick up our groceries but I forgot his organic coconut yogurt, and some Brie for him.
I apologized and felt bad but it happens he’s forgotten things for me as well sometimes. In fact, sometimes he tells me he will straight up not buy something for me (like olives) because he finds them gross.
I thought it was no big deal until today he said he was going to go pick some stuff for himself and asked if he could have the money for the things I forgot.
I said no because it was a mistake and he’s never paid me for things he’s forgotten or chosen not to buy. He accused me of being petty and stingy and said I never asked him for money for those things and he would’ve if I asked. He said I am being unfair since it was my mistake.
He is genuinely upset over this but I don’t think I’m wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“Can he not afford his own groceries? If that’s the problem, it’s okay – well maybe it is – but he needs to tell you. But out of nowhere acting like you intentionally didn’t purchase items for him to save money and you need to make that up for him now is ridiculous.
Maybe this is because he doesn’t buy things that are on your list- either because he thinks they’re icky or because he doesn’t want to spend the money on them. Cause he’s killing adulting. NTJ.” rak1882
Another User Comments:
“Sigh. NTJ. If he starts asking for money for things you forgot to buy, then it might be time to keep track of grocery cost trips, to keep the share as fair as possible.
Or to buy your own groceries. If he needs money because he is broke, he should say that and not blame you for forgetting. If it’s not about the money but the principal that you forgot to buy it, then he has to pay you whenever he forgets or doesn’t want to buy something that you requested. It should be fair for both parties.
Also, if his excuse works about not buying something because he thinks it’s gross, you can pull that card next time you forget to buy something. Not recommended for the health of the relationship though. Just establish ground rules that both people have to follow.
In case someone forgets to buy something, then this happens. Etc. Good luck.” OldKing7199
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. It’s groceries, y’all. The fact that he refuses to buy you food simply because he doesn’t like it is just as asinine as you not giving him the money to go buy the things you forgot to pick up.
If y’all are this petty with groceries, I really don’t see your relationship lasting much longer and it’s painfully obvious you guys have a communication (or lack thereof) issue. You guys have been together long enough now to realize that you guys should be a team and not adversaries.
Work together for the benefit of your relationship and stop being so darn petty. Sit down and have an honest discussion about your wants and needs and work together to come to a compromise that benefits you both. Arguing over groceries is the dumbest thing ever.” Japtimus_Prime
12. AITJ For Wearing A Bikini Around My Teenage Son And His Friends?
“I am 43/F, my son is 15/M and most of his friends are boys the same age.
We have a swimming pool in our backyard, and now that it’s summer my son’s friends are over at the house pretty much constantly to hang out in the backyard and use the pool.
I’m often in the backyard with them, one because I don’t like them being in the pool with no adult supervision and two because I obviously like sitting by my pool.
Usually, when I’m by/in the pool, I wear a bikini.
It’s not a particularly revealing cut, but it does show my stomach and thighs. I admit I have noticed a couple of the boys “checking me out” but it’s never seemed like a big deal. I figure it’s pretty normal for 15/16-year-old boys, and as long as they don’t stare or say anything inappropriate I don’t really care.
Yesterday my brother was over at the house with his kids, and they were playing in the pool with my son and his friends. My brother asked me if I always wore a bikini in front of the teenagers. When I said yes, he remarked that it was kind of inappropriate and that he wouldn’t like it if someone’s mom wore a revealing suit in front of his son at that age.
Later when I was talking to my brother’s wife about our day with the kids, I told her what he said about the bikini and asked what she thought. She agreed that she personally wouldn’t wear a two-piece in front of a teenage boy because it would basically be asking for the wrong kind of attention.
So now I’ve been wondering if I’m in the wrong for not covering up more. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is so stupid of your brother and his wife. It’s a bathing suit. Like you said, they’re teenagers. Of course they’re going to sneak peeks and look every now and again.
They’d do the same exact thing if you wore a one-piece. What do their parents think happens when going to the beach or a water park? Bikinis galore. Don’t let them sensor you for such a dumb reason in your own house/pool.” SelfStudy657
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not being suggestive by allowing your stomach and thighs to be exposed at your own pool. Women’s bodies are just bodies. We don’t ask men to “cover up” in the same way because a woman might look at them with desire.
Plus, teenage boys will find a tree stump arousing. (Not to disparage or compare your body to a dead tree! I’m sure you’re a goddess.) But you aren’t responsible for how others react to your attire, you’re responsible for your behavior which sounds totally appropriate.
In fact, you’re being really generous allowing other people’s kids to be at your pool AND being an attentive and responsible adult in supervising them. Wear whatever you feel comfortable in!” molotovmerkin
Another User Comments:
“I mean, here’s the thing about wearing a bikini: teenage boys will probably look.
Though teenage boys probably wouldn’t look any less at a woman in a one piece. They’re teenage boys. With that understanding, it might actually be a good thing because if they begin to become inappropriate, it would be with a grown woman rather than a teenage girl who doesn’t know how to handle it.
You could have a good chance to teach a lesson if that were to happen. Imo being a parent isn’t about always completely sheltering your children from things you think are inappropriate. Teenage boys won’t learn how to deal with their feelings and physical reactions if they never have a chance to experience them.
At the same time, I understand a parent’s desire to “protect” their children, and our culture has a long history of making a woman’s body taboo. For me, no jerks here, as long as your brother and SIL aren’t being judgemental towards you, and just sharing an opinion before moving on.” NuketheCow_
11. AITJ For Considering Reporting A Persistent Coworker To HR?
“I (28f) have a coworker (forty-something M) who is interested in going out with me. He started working there a couple of months ago, we don’t have to interact that much because we are in different departments but the whole company shares the lounge room, cafeteria, and smoking area so we see each other every day at some point, mostly at breaks.
It all started when another coworker (let’s call her D) told me he had been asking around if people knew if I had a partner and he had asked her if she could subtly ask me if I would be interested in him. At this point, I had never talked to him and I didn’t even know his name, as I said we never have to interact for work-related stuff and the company is big (2000+ people) so until D pointed him out I didn’t even know who she was talking about.
I told D to tell him that thank you but that I was not interested.
From then on every time he sees me alone, which is mostly when I go out to smoke on my break (because none of my work friends smoke), he will start talking to me, which I had no problem with until he started making little comments.
In the beginning, he would just compliment my outfit or stuff like that but the comments then turned into him asking me if I was in a relationship, I politely told him that I didn’t know him enough and was not comfortable speaking about personal stuff.
He said ok and changed the subject.
The next day he asked me out of the blue if I wanted to go out for a drink someday since I had told him I didn’t know him enough to talk about personal stuff and that would be a good way to get to know him, I again politely told him that thank you for the offer but that I was not interested. He looked kind of offended and asked if the reason was because I already had a partner.
At that point, I was getting annoyed and told him that I didn’t have to justify anything to him and that I still was not interested. I thought that after being so direct with him he would get it and stop, but he hasn’t, he keeps purposely doing his break at the same time as me, as in every time he sees me going outside he gets up too and starts asking me questions about my life.
I don’t answer them and I either ignore him completely in hopes he will leave me alone or look directly at him and tell him I would like some space and quiet during my break time. But no matter what he doesn’t get it.
So, WIBTJ if I reported him to HR?
I am conflicted because the only thing he has been doing is asking me questions, but It is honestly so awkward to have to keep rejecting someone or straight up ignoring them and I don’t know what else to do. I just want to smoke in peace during my break.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – HR here. A concept people struggle with is the idea of “getting somebody in trouble” by turning them in. We need to change that mentality. YOU do not get somebody in trouble, THEIR behavior gets them in trouble. You were polite, clear, and have done nothing wrong.
He refuses to take a hint and is making you uncomfortable. Going to HR doesn’t make you a jerk in the slightest, and you should never feel guilty for taking something to HR ever. A good HR will investigate and ensure that everybody is heard and that everybody understands what the expectations are going forward, and any consequences for not meeting those expectations.
If he genuinely didn’t get that you weren’t interested and thought you were playing hard to get it’ll be addressed one way. If he was well aware of his behavior and didn’t care, it’ll be addressed another. A good HR will respond appropriately.
If he retaliates or treats you badly after – go back to HR. Same if anybody else (like D) starts saying anything as a result.” Petrichorx53
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Clear harassment. In my last job, I was a supervisor. One of my team told me that another employee, who was not part of our team, was repeatedly pestering a young lady who was part of a third team.
As a supervisor, I was OBLIGATED to report it, and I did so with so sense of regret. I was annoyed that the offender got off with only a warning. Report first thing Monday morning Also, I second the concerns about the questions about your living arrangements which definitely read like an assessment of your safety.
His refusing to take no for an answer from you only seeming to be willing to stop if you had a partner is also extra misogynistic nonsense. He doesn’t respect you, but if you were the “property” of another man, he would respect that. So he’s got at least three levels of major jerk there.
As an aside, in my story above, we worked for a small city, and the victim did have a partner, who was one of our local police officers, and office Casanova knew that and kept trying anyway. So he was stupid in addition to being a jerk.” DisciplineShot2872
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… I started giving the guy the benefit of the doubt that maybe D never relayed the message back (per first paragraph) and that is why he asked you once… just once. Everything that came afterward is just an HR laundry list of what someone shouldn’t be doing… I think this guy must have watched the Harassment Training video and maybe thought it was a training video for how to “pick up chicks at work”??
Pretty much everything he is doing comes straight out of the training videos… and he is why we all have to train on those videos. You can either say plainly to him: You asked me out and I said no yet you continue with this line of questioning.
It is not appropriate and needs to stop immediately… or just report it to HR. I think most people here say just report it to HR. You don’t need the hassle.” nomoreroger
10. AITJ For Asking My In-Laws To Wait A Week Before Meeting Our Newborn?
“I will start this out by saying I am 38 weeks pregnant and have a decent relationship with my in-laws.
They can be a bit childish and drink more than I’m comfortable with but overall they are good people, we like them and see them as often as possible as we live 2 hours away.
Due to preexisting medical conditions, I am at increased risk of heart failure and excessive blood loss during and after delivery.
Because of this, I have opted to have my mother stay with us for a week along with being in the delivery room. She is a retired NICU/L&D nurse and lives 5hrs away so she will be staying with us. She knows the warning signs to look for postpartum with my condition and will be doing all of the cooking/cleaning/laundry along with caring for our 2 dogs so my husband can focus on me and the baby and I can rest.
My husband and I have both decided that we would like his parents to wait a week before coming down due to this possibility of complications arising and also so that I can heal and we can adjust a bit. They want to stay for a minimum of 4 days in a hotel and are definitely not the type to jump in and help out.
I know they will want to just snuggle the baby and chat. They are very upset that my mom will be here and they have to wait. I have tried explaining it’s because my mom is here for ME, her daughter, not the baby.
They texted my husband out of the blue last night saying “Since we are being restricted from meeting our grandson, I guess let us know when WE are welcome to be involved in his life”. My husband immediately called his father saying he did not appreciate the attempt at guilt-tripping especially considering we never said that, and that he’s disappointed that they are not at least trying to understand where we are coming from.
I’m afraid this is going to ruin not only my and my son’s relationship with them, but my husband’s relationship with his parents. So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If they are gonna let this one reasonable thing ruin the relationship – LET THEM! No seriously do not play this lousy game of theirs and fall for the guilt trip.
Your health and recovery come first. Not their childish feelings. They aren’t coming to help, which frankly is rude af, they just want to play pass the baby so yes they can in fact wait until you are rested, somewhat healed, and settled into a routine.
If they keep complaining, tell them it can be two weeks. Still complaining? 3 weeks then. NTJ.” PommeDeSang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your in-laws are being beyond childish. Let your husband continue to handle any and all communication with them until you are ready to see them after the birth.
You just focus on taking care of yourself! You are not doing anything wrong. If your reasonable boundaries have a negative impact on your relationship with them or your husband’s relationship with them, that is 100% their fault.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this isn’t about what’s fair to each of your parents, it’s about what’s best for you and baby after your delivery.
Your husband’s parents should know better. Did they even ask about coming to see the baby before they found out your mom was going to be there? Did they even ask whether your husband was prepared for your high-risk delivery? If this is going to ruin their relationship with you, that’s their decision, not yours.
You have bigger priorities right now than their feelings, like a tiny boo bear needs you.” callmecookie88
9. AITJ For Asking My Pregnant Coworker To Clean Up After Herself?
“I (19F) work part-time at a locally owned coffee shop, and it can get extremely busy because it has both a drive-through and a lobby. It can get messy very fast, and the messes we make can be big.
My coworkers are usually very good about maintaining the cleanliness of the store and picking up the messes they make, but my pregnant coworker (20 F, 5 months along) is not. After she spills stuff, takes things out from the coolers and puts them onto the counters, opens packages, uses gloves, etc she does not clean it up/put it away after, and after a rush, she’ll sit down and mess around on her phone.
Let me add that this is not something that she just recently started doing, she’s been like this since she first started working with us (she was 3 months when she first started if you’re wondering).
Anyway, yesterday I asked nicely for her to be more aware of the messes she makes and to help clean up.
She got super offended and said something along the lines of “Sorry that I need a break sometimes, it’s not something that you would understand” and she didn’t talk to me for the rest of the shift which was so unbearably awkward. She ended up telling my manager about the situation after her shift, so he took me to the back and told me to make an exception for her, and that since I’m able to move around on my feet for longer periods of time, I need to clean up after her.
I later apologized to her over text but she left me on read.
AITJ? I feel terrible, I just hope that I didn’t put any stress on her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it appears that if you want to keep your job, you will just have to clean up after her until her pregnancy is over.
It’s really not fair of your manager, but it appears that’s the way it is for now. Your manager appears to be more concerned with expediency than fairness, so it appears that it’s either deal or find another job. She is probably leaving you on read because she senses a situation where she has power and wants to prolong it.
You’ve apologized once, now leave it alone, and if she continues to refuse to speak to you, then leave her alone unless necessary. If her behavior ventures into unprofessional conduct, then document it and talk to your manager, but be prepared to have your concerns dismissed, as he won’t want to deal with the drama she’ll create.
However, this is not something that should just be put on you. The other co-workers should also have to clean up after her. Maybe if she ticks enough of them off, you can all group together and complain to the manager as a whole. Then he will be forced to deal with her.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was 9 months pregnant TEACHING and cleaning my house, and walking up and down corridors because the teachers had to move classes, not students. I worked until 1 week before my son was born. During this I was helping with fundraisers, standing most of the day, etc. And I was considered high-risk.
(Second pregnancy). During my first pregnancy, I was working an 8-16:00 job in the corporate environment as a receptionist and essentially serving people, running up and down and walking through the factory. Also worked until a week before the baby was born. There are THOUSANDS of women who are heavily pregnant and can still clean up their own messes.
You are not responsible for her mess. If she’s that incapable and if her doctor has ordered her to rest, then she shouldn’t be at work. Just because she is pregnant, doesn’t mean she gets to burden everyone with her weaponized incompetence.” LeeLadyLove
Another User Comments:
“I’ll start out by saying you’re NTJ. I’d also like to add that no two pregnancies are the same and no two women will have the same experience. However, there are some constants. One being that unless otherwise specified by an ob/gyn, midwife, etc exercise is beneficial during pregnancy.
To start she’s in her second trimester and is likely experiencing some fatigue. That doesn’t mean she needs to be sitting on her keister all day. On the other hand, she needs to be able to take a rest when she needs it as long as she isn’t abusing the privilege.
Also, there may not be a whole lot your boss can actually do without getting himself into hot water. The same rules that are put into place to protect can easily be wielded like a sword, and it really sucks when unscrupulous people figure that out.
(Not saying she is unscrupulous I have no way of actually knowing). It may also be that your boss is a kind and caring person.” GritchyNGrouchy
8. AITJ For Letting A Woman Embarrass Herself By Hitting On My Partner In A Grocery Store?
“I’ve been with my partner for 6 years and we have 2 kids together. We plan on getting married but due to personal issues, I want to wait to resolve some childhood trauma before getting engaged. With that said, we have a lot of trust in each other.
The other day, we went grocery shopping without the kids. I typically take control when we shop, so I’ll send him off to get various things. On this trip, I sent him off a few aisles over while I went to grab something else. I eventually made my way to the aisle my partner was in.
He was down the end of the aisle and I stopped at the other end to look at something else. About a half meter away from me, two women were whispering to each other and giggling. I wasn’t trying to snoop, but with them being so close I could hear that they were talking about my partner.
One of them was telling the other to ‘just go for it’ and hyping her up and I’ll be honest, I connected the dots as soon as the woman made her way towards my partner.
She apparently asked him out, my partner told her he was married, she made a comment to the likes of ‘she’s not here right now’ or something like that, and my partner gestured towards me up the aisle.
The woman looked at me before walking away the opposite way she came. Her friend looked at me and asked if I was with my partner. I said yes and she scoffed, told me I could’ve warned her friend before she embarrassed herself, and called me a female dog before walking away.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and flirty woman is the jerk for saying stuff like “She‘s not here….” which is super mean and her friend is the jerk for calling you a female dog instead of just owning it. Both of them could have just said something like „Ok, have a nice day!“ and be done with it.
Idiots. Nothing wrong with trying out some flirting in the supermarket btw, as long as people accept it when others say no.” Cybergeneric
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Classic case of (try to) mess around and find out She attempted to shoot her shot. That’s fine.
But anyone who does so has gotta accept that hitting on a stranger in the middle of a grocery store comes with a high probability of failure. Of course, given her classy “she’s not here right now” comment, it seems this woman (and her friend by extension) aren’t exactly aiming high so was expecting a better chance of success.
Clearly, they’re not used to encountering top-shelf product like your husband and were flummoxed that their bottom-shelf advertising failed, then had the added embarrassment of having you witness their failure.” curious_seahorse1
Another User Comments:
“Seriously? NTJ. If you’re going to ask someone out in public, you better accept the chance of being rejected in the public eye.
Those two women are the jerks clearly and need to realize that rejection is normal and not a widely embarrassing thing to happen. You could’ve spoken up, but hearing what they were like, they possibly would’ve ignored you or started to talk badly about you finding out he was your partner.
They deserved whatever embarrassment they created for themselves.” KingPiscesFish
7. AITJ For Giving My Partner's Daughter $30 For A Toy?
“I’m (23M) seeing a single mom (22F) who has a 6-year-old girl. My partner is the best mom and partner but they’re financially strapped. She got pregnant at 16 and lives in a one-bedroom, she sleeps on a futon so her daughter can sleep in the bed. Meanwhile, I make a good amount of money.
Anyway, I’ve been with my partner for about 10 months and I met her daughter at the 8-month mark because she doesn’t want her daughter to meet her partners unless they’re serious.
Since I’ve met her daughter, I’m constantly at their house for family dinners or movie nights, or they come over and I cook for them.
I know we’re not a family but it feels like we are a family.
Anyway, yesterday my partner’s daughter was telling me about a toy she wanted but her mom wouldn’t get it for her. I asked her how much it was and she told me 30 dollars, so I pulled out my wallet and gave her 30 dollars.
When my partner came out of the bathroom and found this out, she pulled me into her bedroom and asked me why I did that. Long story short, I got kicked out of her apartment and she hasn’t responded to any of my texts.
But this is confusing to me because I gave her daughter a “get well soon” gift when she got stitches so why’s this any different? AITJ for giving my partner’s daughter 30 dollars?”
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ. You were trying to do something good, but you don’t just give 6-year-olds everything they ask for because they ask for it.
Your partner didn’t necessarily say no to her kid just because she couldn’t afford it. There may have been any of a million other reasons, and you didn’t even stop to find out. While your intentions were kind and generous, this is not being a good partner to your partner OR being a responsible authority figure to her daughter.
If you want to be good to both of them, don’t just be the person who hands over money . . . be the person who takes the time to learn how to be a supportive, responsible adult in this child’s life. And that starts with not just handing her $30 because she says she wants something.
Instead, try telling the little one, “That sounds really cool! I’m glad you tell me about the things you like!!” so she knows you care about her interests. Then try talking to her mom PRIVATELY about whether it’s okay for you to buy the toy for her daughter or give her the money for it, or whether there’s some reason why she’d rather you didn’t (i.e. she has too many toys and not much storage space in their small apartment; she’s waiting for a birthday or special occasion because she doesn’t want to spoil her; she thinks it’s just a passing fancy and not something the child will actually play with much; OR she can’t afford it…any one of these has to be addressed in entirely different ways!).
I think you’re on the right track, but communication is super important in any relationship, and doubly so when you’re dealing with a single parent who is trying to be everything to their kid, and you don’t have a lot of experience in that area.
Try acting less and listening/asking more.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“You seem like a good guy and your partner seems like a great mom. You overstepped her authority. Not giving our kids what they always want helps them grow into decent adults. Also, you don’t just hand a 6-year-old cash.
It’s not like she can just hop over to the toy store. It’s nice but says a lot about your inexperience with kids. Next time, put the toy request in the back of your head for a thoughtful birthday or holiday gift to give her kid.
That’s the best way. Hopefully, she forgives you and you work it out. She had to mature much more quickly being a teen mom.” rough-landing
Another User Comments:
“YTJ… At that age, her daughter doesn’t understand the value of money and won’t be able to use it properly.
She can’t yet choose what it’s worth buying or not, and the fact that her mom said they couldn’t buy it doesn’t mean that they didn’t have money for it. It might mean the toy is not appropriate, or that she thinks it’s an inappropriate time for gifts (if they value that gifts are cool when you are wishing someone well or birthdays or Christmas, but just wanting something is not a good enough reason to buy toys)… Lots of options here.
Regarding kids, always, always, always check with the parents before you give them stuff, it could be gifts, toys, or even candy or treats. If they deny it for any reason, you start to antagonize the parent when they have to deny the kid things because even if they explain why they can’t have what they want, you are there to keep giving gifts without considering those explanations.
You should apologize.” kiwiparallels
6. AITJ For Refusing To Breastfeed My Sister-In-Law's Baby?
“I (f23) am a new mom and I have a lot of extra breast milk. My child is roughly 3 months old and I’m producing a lot of breast milk.
For example, if my child eats 4 oz every 2 hours I’m producing 6oz.
I’m using the extra in my baby’s bath.
And I’m also freezing what I’m not using. Since I started freezing I’ve accumulated quite a bit.
Here’s the issue. My SIL just had a baby. And her milk has yet to come in. The doctor told her that formula is just fine but my nephew spits it up.
My SIL has tried different brands and types nothing works. I offered to give her some of my milk and she happily agreed seeing as neither one of us wants her baby to go hungry. I went to her house to drop a few bags.
And she denied them saying she only wants her son to drink milk from the source. Insisting it’s better for the baby. Which is true but I’m not 100% comfortable breastfeeding a baby that’s not mine. I told her I’m happy to give her the frozen, or I can give her freshly pumped but she’s not having it.
She told me I was being selfish and how I’m not willing to help her.
So AITJ for not breastfeeding my nephew?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your offer to share your stockpile was more than generous. Her demanding that you serve as a wet nurse is insane, shockingly entitled, and wholly impractical. Even if you were willing, how would that work?
The baby is only fed when you can go over? She brings him to your house for a 3 am snack? You take your nephew until he’s on solid food? Your SiL needs to understand that Fed is Best, and everything else is a matter of degrees.
It is rather heartbreaking that so many in her position would be weeping with relief and gratitude at your offer to deliver breast milk and she somehow feels like it’s not enough. Side note – have they tried goat’s milk formula? Often babies who can’t tolerate conventional formula do very well with the goat’s milk-based version and it’s widely available in health food stores.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“God no. You are NTJ…breastfeeding is deeply personal to you and your baby. I know some people are ok with breastfeeding other children, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you saying no. I could never. You’re offering her the next best thing.
I know she’s probably scared. My second daughter had such trouble with formula and I thought she’d never stop vomiting or gain weight. She did. Just tell her it’s your body and you’ll help, but you can’t imagine doing it the way she wants.” Anibeth70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am a MASSIVE breastfeeding advocate. I breastfed all 3 of my kids and donated milk each time to mothers in need. Never once did I have a mother ask me to feed her child “from the source.” That seems like it is overstepping a boundary.
If both of you were cool with it, hey, to each their own….however, with one party not being cool with it, it’s definitely not right. I’m sure the situation is uncomfortable for you. I’m sorry you have to deal with it.” MermaidsHaveWifi
5. AITJ For Confronting My Mother About Withholding My Grandmother's Inheritance?
“My mother (58) and her sister (60) were left as the beneficiary of a life insurance policy my grandmother left for my brothers, myself, and two cousins. My grandmother left specific instructions in her will, that the policy was to be split between her 6 grandchildren which was about $5,000+ per grandchild.
She left a separate, large sum of money for my mother and Aunt.
My mother received the portion for my brothers and me, while my aunt received the portion for my two cousins. With gas and groceries being priced so high right now, I asked her when did she think the disbursement would happen.
What she said next, I couldn’t believe… she told me she kept all the money because she didn’t think we needed it. (Side note… one of my brothers found out that my aunt gave our cousins their portion).
Our mom said she had bills to pay and kept the money for herself because she was named beneficiary and that has more power than the will.
Two of my brothers and I are upset and plan to talk to her (separately). My other brother says we should just let it go because that is just how she is… even though we could all use the money, he says he doesn’t want to stress Mom out.
So, am I the jerk because I want to say something to her and let her know how disappointed and hurt I am? Should I do what my oldest brother wants and just let it go?”
Another User Comments:
“And this, my friends, with all of the comments is exactly why you get what you pay for when you write a will yourself or use one of the cheap services to “aid you in writing your own will.” No attorney – I would argue no first-year law student – would have written this will.
The request in the will regarding insurance proceeds has no legal effect. It is merely a statement of what Grandma would like to see happen. Depending on how the insurance was paid, the proceeds might be fully taxable to the mom and aunt as beneficiaries.
(Conceivably, paid with pretax dollars.) They would pay this tax even if they chose to follow grandma’s wishes. The amounts distributed to the grandkids are then technically a gift from mom/aunt to the recipient. I’m assuming the ultimate estate of mom is well below the level where gift taxes become an issue at any point – and 5k is well below the annual gifting threshold, but from a conceptual standpoint that issue must be considered.
Is mom a jerk? Completely. But please people – if you don’t have a lawyer create your will – chances are it has little value more than the paper it is printed on. This is a highly technical and archaic area of practice. The rules differ dramatically from state to state.
Most states require a will to be witnessed. Some require a notary. Words such as bequeath and bequest have different legal meanings. Heir and assign have different legal meanings. In some states, all real property must be probated so it should be put in a trust. Just so many things that need to be done a certain way or they have unintended consequences.
Just pay the money to get it done right. You will stop half of your assets from going to lawyers later when your heirs start fighting over your estate.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You’re absolutely NTJ for wanting to confront your mother, but if she really cared about betraying your grandmother or you, she’d have followed the will’s instructions in the first place.
So, unfortunately, I don’t think you’re going to get too far with her. She’s proven that you can’t, in fact, trust her. Instead of confronting her about it (at least right now), seek out therapy so you can get past her betrayal and live your best life.” JosieJOK
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, my condolences for your loss. I’ve lost both of my grandmothers, and they were good women. If your mother really needed the money, she should have at least talked with you about it before just keeping it all and using it for her ends – even though she was legally entitled to do exactly that.
Your grandmother had clearly stated her wishes in her will, and your mom basically said, “nah.” She did what she could BECAUSE she could, and that’s usually not a good reason. I think that you are completely in the right for feeling the way that you do, and you staying away should send a message.
Tell her how you feel and why, and don’t be afraid to stand your ground.
As stated elsewhere, the insurance policy dictates who the beneficiaries are, and the insurance companies are compelled to issue payments according to the policy. Essentially, the theory is that the insured specifically chose these people to be the beneficiaries in the event of their passing.
You can change beneficiaries for free, as often and whenever you’d like, so if Bobby Creemcheese is listed as the beneficiary and the insured kicks the bucket, the insurance company can only pay Bobby. Even though you can change beneficiaries at any time, I used to tell people at their open enrollment to review their beneficiaries, since they were already thinking about insurance.” Betrayer_Raccoon919
4. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Parents Over Their Constant Money Criticism?
“My (19f) dad (54) and mom (50) and I had a bit of an argument. I’m home for the summer from college, and I’ve been working and saving money. My parents have been on to me for spending money and have been encouraging me to save.
However, it’s getting to the point where whenever I spend a bit of money on things like food or skincare/hygiene products, they’d go on rants about how I’m wasting money. They’d compare me to my (17f) sister who has money saved up.
I’d remind them that I also had money saved up (3,000) but they used my money to buy my bed without letting me know. And they’d brush it off as being a necessity.
Before my freshmen year of college, I also had another (3,000) saved up.
However, I had to use that money to buy all the things I needed for college, and I had to pay for my own tuition. So far I have 1,000 saved up so far from working, I was so happy that I told my mom. Then she started comparing me to my younger sister once again saying she has 12k saved up so far.
I stayed silent after that, and it hurt a bit being compared to especially since our situations are different.
Tonight I was talking to my dad about borrowing his or my mom’s car to hang out with friends the next day. My mom bursts into the room and says “she’s gonna waste money with her friends tomorrow.” Earlier that day I asked to borrow her car to run errands (buying skincare products that I’ve run out of) and she went on a rant about me spending money.
I got mad at my mom and kinda blew up on my parents, I told them I couldn’t stand them and that I’d rather tell a stranger my problems than them. And they seemed upset about that, and I feel guilty. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re an adult and it sounds like your parents aren’t supporting you financially in college, so it’s time to stop telling them as much about your financial situation. The situation with the bed doesn’t make sense to me – did they take money from your bank account and buy a bed for your room in their house (where you no longer live most of the time)?
I would personally consider that theft if that were the case. If you haven’t yet, I would open up a separate bank account which they can’t access.” Ok_Remote_1036
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Parents, this is a good way to give your kids financial trauma/anxiety so if you’ve been doing this, probably start by going to therapy yourself first to determine why and go from there.
Older generations who always assume kids don’t have common money sense make a lot of snap assumptions based on their own anxieties instead of the individual’s reality. Also, OP they used your money to buy you a necessary item and then are upset at you for buying necessary items?
It definitely sounds like a them problem.” Secret_Tangerine5920
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it would break my heart if my kid told me that. He’s a toddler and I sacrifice so much for him and I love him and care so much. They do that most likely because they care for you and depending on where you live, but most of the world has gone to the pits economically speaking and what little you have saved is truly nothing.
But yeah at 19 you should be allowed to do as you please.” Apart-One4133
3. AITJ For Making My Friends Cover My Dinner If I'm The Designated Driver?
“I am not a big fan of booze. I don’t enjoy being around inebriated people, I can only occasionally enjoy the taste.
I’m not about booze culture really. I also have social anxiety and don’t like bar crowds (though I make exceptions for live music).
That said, I will happily be the designated driver for my friends if they want to go out and have a good time.
I prefer it when they tell me when they want to be picked up and I can go get them later as opposed to spending the whole time with them as they get sloshed, but I can be convinced to bar hop with them on one condition: if we go out to dinner, they cover my bill.
No dinner, they are stuck covering my sodas all night (though, I admit that I was told by a bartender friend to tell the bartender I’m a DD and I may get my drinks for free. It works sometimes!)
It doesn’t have to be a steak or something expensive.
I’m not demanding anyone buy me a $50 plate nor would I do that to my friends. I just expect the ones drinking to split the cost of my usual $15-20 dinner in exchange for me spending gas (I don’t charge them for it) and time in an environment I don’t enjoy.
I was laughing and explaining it to a new friend and he called me a jerk and that my payment should be my friends getting home safe. I replied that they could get home safely without me going with because I’d go get them, this is the cost for making me hang out where I’m uncomfortable.
He said it’s even worse because I’m charging them to hang out with me.
Am I the jerk for making my friends cover my dinner if I DD for them while bar hopping?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and it sounds like you and your buddies have a good system!
Like, a plate of nachos or a burger or whatever in exchange for everyone having a good time and staying safe? I dig it. If this new guy doesn’t like it, sucks for him. I also assume that y’all don’t only hang out in bars as well, so a trade for certain outings and no expectations on sober excursions is a perfectly good way to do things.” ColoredGayngels
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When I was 17 I finally got my own car. I used to DD for my older siblings and their friends. I charged 5 dollars a head, 15 gas (this was a half tank of gas. Yeah 12 years ago and a Dodge neon), a fast food meal. That was my fee.
for having me stay up til 3 am waiting for them to call, having to deal with them. Dropping them off at all their individual homes after getting food. Your friend is ridiculous. Uber costs more than a meal. You’re being nice. You don’t have to be a DD.” Opposite_Ad_6819
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Sure, getting your friends home safely is a priority but if they’re going out to drink knowing you’re going to take them home then you should be compensated for your time in some way. Gas is expensive and if you’re spending time around something that you have no interest in just to be a good friend you absolutely should at least get a cheap meal for it.
If your other friends have no issue then it’s a good agreement. Say they went out and ordered a Lyft or an Uber, they’d probably be paying way more than $15-20 for a ride home depending on how far they live. Good for you.” Electrical-Ad-9100
2. AITJ For Not Returning My Neighbor's Kid's Balls That Keep Landing In My Garden?
“I’m at my wit’s end with my neighbour’s kid – he’s about 7ish and is constantly kicking his ball over the fence or throwing things like toy cars or water pistols.
I have a 6-month-old puppy who was happily sunbathing in the garden one day when a ball came over the fence and hit her and now she is scared every time she goes in the garden or hears them.
I went next door and explained to his dad that it isn’t fair that my dog can no longer relax in her own garden and can they stop kicking the ball against the fence.
For info, my garden backs onto a large playing field with goalposts and basketball courts where lots of kids play.
Well, nothing has changed and it has been a couple of weeks now. I have just come home to find another 4 footballs in the garden….
I’m not returning them…..AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not abnormal for children’s footballs to be accidentally kicked into a neighbour’s garden, but if it happens this regularly and it scares your dog, I believe your request was very reasonable! The fact there are also toy cars in your garden, makes it seem more as if the kid is throwing stuff on purpose.
Does he know you own a dog? Maybe it’s his way of wanting to play with the dog? Maybe try to explain directly to the kid that he is scaring your dog or that he might get hurt from being hit or potentially eating one of the toys.” Fantastic-Focus-7056
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I coordinate a preschool program and we implement this strategy for kids who throw/kick balls over the fence and out of our play yard, it’s a fantastic consequence – it’s a natural consequence, it’s immediate, and it’s relevant. None of my teachers can leave to go get the balls because we would be out of ratio.
Even the 2-year-olds learn pretty quickly where to and where not to throw/kick their balls. If a ball goes into the baby yard they’re unlikely to get that ball back in less than a week, the infant teachers really don’t like when balls go flying into their play yard and the wall between the yards is pretty high it’s hard to accidentally kick a ball over there.
They learn to be mindful very quickly, we do go get the balls usually during nap time or at the end of the day but certainly not immediately. I would consider returning them if the kid comes to your house to apologize and ask for them back, but I wouldn’t just toss them over the fence, I’d also make the kid collect them out of the yard, I’m not doing that work for him.” claireisabell
Another User Comments:
“You are totally within your rights to keep anything thrown over. I had a similar situation last year with my neighbour’s kids throwing things over the fence. A ball every now and then, or an errant Nerf bullet I can understand but it oftentimes were things they would have to actively throw over the fence.
I have 2 huskies and often found them chewing on hard plastic or metal parts. I approached the neighbours but nothing was ever done. Then I caught their kids antagonizing my dogs at the fence. Again I approached the neighbours. I wasn’t mean just basically like hey your kids are doing things that could hurt both them and my dogs, could you please talk to them about it.
About a month or so later my dogs had enough of the kids picking on them and busted through the fence. They didn’t hurt anyone or attack the kids or anything but it was still property damage. I had already alerted my landlord to the issue and he handled it as he had also had issues with those kids when he lived here.
Not sure exactly how it all went down, but the neighbours replaced the whole fence and I never had issues with their kids again.” Alarming-Ad9441
1. AITJ For Insisting My Husband Fly Back To Greece To Retrieve Our Son's Teddy Bear?
“My son has a teddy bear that he’s very attached to.
Since he takes it everywhere it isn’t in the best shape and my husband has tried buying him new teddies but he still prefers his old bear.
I flew home from Greece two days earlier than my son and husband. When they got here my son kept asking for his bear but I couldn’t find it so I asked my husband where it was.
He told me he had left it there because he bought our son a new teddy that he liked more.
I thought he was joking since our son will play with the new teddy but he always goes back to his bear. I told him to go back to Greece and get it but he laughed me off and said he would get it in 2 weeks as that’s when he plans to go back.
We ended up having a fight because I told him I was being serious and he needed to go back immediately and he said I was being ridiculous and this was why our son was so attached to the teddy.
I was even angrier when it was time for our son to go to bed but he wouldn’t stop crying because he couldn’t find his bear, so I brought up how he needed to go and get it again and I wouldn’t drop it until he agreed to go sooner.
AITJ?
I’m from the UK and we were staying at a home owned by his parents. Nobody is there so we can’t have it mailed.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your husband is definitely a jerk. He removed you from the decision process by force. So many posts on this sub are just about that.
Definitely a jerk move on his part. But you could offer other reasonable options. You want to directly punish your husband with an international trip. The bear could be sent by FedEx. Your son could try two weeks without the bear. A lot of people are going to say not the jerk.
I disagree. Think how else you could use the money from an international trip (last minute no less). Put it in a college fund, or use it to get marriage therapy with your husband. Since he’s ignoring your opinion and enacting his through force you could benefit from it, especially because he probably thinks he didn’t do anything wrong.” Puzzleheaded-Sign-46
Another User Comments:
“Tough call but ESH. Your husband clearly doesn’t pay attention to his kid’s habits and behavior. You clearly overreacted – your kid will survive 2 weeks without his favorite teddy, and it could be the opportunity for him to grow out of it.
To all the people going on about ‘he’s a BABY’, ‘he’s only TWO’. If the kid was 6 months or one year old, my stance would be different. But at 2, a kid has left the house a few times already, has met his parents, siblings (even possibly younger siblings!), extended family, family friends, the family pet, and maybe goes to the kindergarten to familiarize themselves with other kids.
At 2, a kid’s “whole world” is well populated and is more than a teddy bear.” abrequevoy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he’d left it on accident, you’d be the jerk but that’s not the case here. Your husband was completely out of order leaving it behind and trying to force his will at the toddler’s expense.
This does not bode well for the kid, honestly. He deserves the expense and inconvenience of having to go back IMO. That said, he needs to work on himself and his understanding of children to become a better father.” Fried-Fritters
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Husband a bit more as he deliberately left his son’s favorite toy in Greece.
You for demanding he travel to another country to fetch it when he was going back there in two weeks anyway. Contact whoever has it and get them to mail it to you if you need it earlier and make your husband pay. The fighting over this is likely upsetting him even more.
This was an opportunity to teach your son that sometimes bad things happen and we have to wait to set it right. You didn’t say how old he was but maybe setting the days until Teddy comes home and marking them off might help.” MediumAlternative372
