People Ask Us To Critically Analyze Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Not Buying A New Crib For My Son And His Pregnant Wife?
“My son, Jake, and daughter-in-law, Sara, have fostered 3 children over the past few years.
Their community and both families have rallied around them. They’ve given hand-me-downs and new items alike.
8 months ago, they began fostering a 3-month-old. I bought them a brand-new crib, baby monitors, a swing, and a bunch of outfits. The rest of the community/families bought them all new baby stuff.
The baby stayed with them for 4 months and then was reunited with their bio family. Jake and Sara still have all the stuff they got from the baby, as they planned to continue fostering.
Sara is now 6 months pregnant with their first biological child, a little girl.
They registered for all new baby stuff and had a baby shower. Most of the shower gifts were either clothes or diapers. I did buy them a new swing as the other one broke, along with a few new outfits and some books off the registry.
But as the crib is 8 months old, I figured there’s no need for a new one.
When my daughter and other daughter-in-law were pregnant with their first children, I also bought them a brand-new crib, a bunch of clothes, baby monitors, and a swing.
I didn’t do the same for my daughter’s other two kids (younger son and DIL only have one kid), though I did buy similar gifts as the ones I got Sara for both pregnancies.
However, Sara and Jake expressed disappointment that I didn’t get them all the new stuff like I did my daughter and other DIL.
I pointed out that I did all that when they got the foster baby. They said yeah, but we all knew that was temporary. I said yes and maybe if it had been longer or the crib had been used more or it was damaged, I’d buy another.
A week after this call, Jake calls and says Sara sold the crib so now they need a new one. I said that isn’t how it works at all. I bought them a crib. They had a perfectly good one. If she chose to sell it, she can use that money to buy a new one.
But now both are mad because they sold it for $25 when it was worth way more. So they can’t get a brand new crib for $25. They can afford to buy another but want to save the money for other things. I said they made their choice and I’m not buying another one.
Both are mad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were generous and thoughtful buying them everything you did for the baby that they fostered. An 8-month-old crib (that was purchased new) still has many years of use left. Sara decided to be a jerk and sell the crib dirt cheap to force you to buy another new crib.
The joke is on her. Stand your ground and don’t let your son and daughter-in-law manipulate you into buying another crib. They are way too quick and far too entitled to spend your money for you.” New-Comment2668
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Join My Stepmom's Family Tradition?
“I (28f) am pregnant with my first child. We have not revealed the gender of our baby yet or the name. But the name has been a very heavily discussed topic because my stepmom of 20 years and her family have a naming tradition where the girls get the middle name Elizabeth and the boys get the middle name Gabriel.
This is something they do with all their kids.
When I was pregnant before (I miscarried) the topic came up then and when we announced my pregnancy this time it was restarted once I reached my second trimester. My stepmom really wants me to take part in the tradition, my half-siblings want me to take part in the tradition, and my dad doesn’t care as much but wants me to do it as a sign of full acceptance that I am a member of my stepmom’s family and that my baby will be too.
My husband and I are not using the tradition. I don’t want to and he doesn’t care either way but believes the decision should be mine. And we discussed what to say to everyone and initially, we went with a disclaimer that we were not using the names for our children because we wanted to both pick the first and middle names together.
This started a response of ‘people can have multiple middle names’ and ‘think of how important and special the middle names will be’ and how Elizabeth and Gabriel are very easy to pair with first names. We then attempted to shut down all conversations about this and we said we did not want to have those names pushed on us.
I stepped in when changing the conversation and walking away was not deterring them and said to end the conversation because it was getting tiring and I would take a step back if they could not let it go.
My dad and stepmom then decided to ‘approach me together’ which was really them confronting me and asking why I was so resistant to the idea and I told them we gave a reason and I didn’t need to keep giving reasons because they didn’t believe me.
My stepmom said it feels like it’s because they are from her family and not from my mom or my dad’s sides of the family and she doesn’t feel like that’s fair. Dad told me it would make so many people happy and isn’t that worth it in the end even if they end up as second middle names.
I told them it was not happening and they needed to respect the decisions my husband and I make as parents to our child. My stepmom told me I was being very disrespectful to her and her family and to my own siblings. My dad told me I was being stubborn for no reason at all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ regardless. However, I am interested in your relationship with your own mother’s family and their potential thoughts on this. The reason I ask is I think taking on your stepmother’s family traditions for your children could be seen as replacing your own mother’s family with hers in terms of importance in your children’s lives.
Even if you were inclined to do it which you are not the diplomatic implications for your mother’s family could be tricky. And that is possibly the tack to take with your dad. I am not doing something this pointed to make Stepmom and her family happy because it’s a huge slap in the face to Mum and her family.” Whitestaunton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These are your and your husband’s children. Nobody else’s. Nobody should be pressuring you to give a child a name you don’t want to, regardless of the reason. It would be different if you liked the names, or you wanted to participate in this tradition.
They are being bullies trying to coerce you into doing something you don’t want to do. It’s fine they asked once… It’s fine if they want to do it themselves… It’s not fine that they are being aggressive and emotionally abusive about it.” GoreGoddezz
21. AITJ For Not Allowing My Ex's Stepdaughter To See My Horses?
“I (31F) have a daughter Bonnie (13F), and a son August (9M), with my ex Ralph (32M).
Bonnie is not Ralph’s biological child, but was with me in the very beginning when I was carrying her.
The kids see him often and we get along well. He has a wife Donna (32F) and a stepdaughter Mandy (13F). I get along fine with Donna.
Mandy is good with August, but terrible with Bonnie. She tells her things that a teenage girl shouldn’t say to another. We never knew why she was like this with Bonnie.
Since Bonnie has always maintained her privacy, she never went out of her way to be friends with Mandy, or to impress her.
Mandy and her friends bother Bonnie and her friends at school. Which has caused Bonnie not to want to stay at her father’s house.
We had to rearrange Bonnie and August’s schedule when Mandy stays at her father’s house so they don’t have to see her.
Which was the best for all of us. Bonnie and August have been happier since.
We do have horses. Bonnie and August are great riders. We have three horses. All our own, and Bonnie has invited her friends to ride our horses and so has August.
Mandy’s attitude shifted once she knew we had horses. She was now treating Bonnie at school more politely. Mandy asked Bonnie if she could ride our horses, and if I could teach her to ride.
Bonnie just walked away. I guess Mandy felt offended by this and went to tell her mother.
I got calls from Donna wondering if I could please teach her kid to ride, or just take her out a couple times a week on the horses. I declined her request.
She claims that Mandy ‘misses’ August and Bonnie. I just hung up. Donna did quit and for a while.
When Ralph did come to get the kids. I asked him to tell his wife to stop being pushy. He said he’d take care of it. It did stop, I was grateful for that.
Around late April, August will be celebrating his birthday, and he will only be inviting his friends.
Bonnie asked if she could bring her friends. I told her, yes, it won’t be so big. But quite a bit of kids. August will also have a party at his dad’s as well.
I told Ralph about the birthday plan. He asked if Mandy could come, and I told him not at my house.
I don’t want August or Bonnie uncomfortable. I also told him he could do whatever pleases him, at his own house.
Ralph told me he understood and left it at that. For a few days, things have been quiet and good. But Ralph was picking up our kids one day.
Waiting outside, I went out there with our children.
I saw he brought Mandy and they got out. He asked if Mandy could see my horses. I told him no, that I didn’t want her on my property or anywhere near my horses. Mandy just started crying.
I continued telling him that he had broken our agreement for our kids’ schedule. Ralph just said I should give her a chance. I said that he and Mandy needed to go. They drove off.
My kids told me they don’t like her. I am not gonna force my kids to go.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Once you agree to allow Mandy to see and ride the horses, she will revert to treating Bonnie exactly the same as she did before. Because she will have gotten what she wants and no longer needs to keep up the charade.
Mandy is STILL making the entire situation about her. Mandy is the one behind the requests by Ralph and Donna to allow Mandy to get what she wants. Mandy is the one who asked to come to pick up the kids even though she knows that she is not wanted on your property.
She is the source of all the interfamily conflict. She should NOT be rewarded by getting what she wants. And I repeat, once you cave to her request, she will immediately go back to treating Bonnie badly. Because she did before and got what she wanted in the end anyway.
So why should she behave differently?” grckalck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Guess what OP, Mandy is finally learning consequences! And this is a good thing. She is learning that she can’t bully someone and then be invited around by her victim because they have something Mandy wants.
You have no obligation to this child. I’m sure there are other horses in the world that her family can pay to have her learn to ride but she doesn’t get to be so mean to your children that you guys had to switch up the custody schedule so they aren’t at your ex’s place at the same time and then feel entitled to their safe spaces.” perpetuallyxhausted
20. AITJ For Punishing My Son For Neglecting His Brother?
“I have a 16-year-old son, Joe, and a 5-year-old son, Josh.
On Saturday, I got called into work and didn’t have time to find another sitter (the usual is on vacation) so I asked Joe if he could watch his brother until his dad got home 4 hours later. Joe did have plans but I told him I would pay him 100$ and he could invite 2 of his friends over.
It should be known that his 2 closest friends are basically my nephews and we have done this before, everything went fine. I ordered pizza for all the kids and left for work after Joe agreed.
When my husband got home, he called me panicking saying we needed to take Josh to the hospital. I told him to meet me there (I work at said hospital, just in OB).
Josh broke his arm in 2 places.
When I asked what happened, I found out Joe left Josh alone in the house while he went out back to smoke with his friends. Josh had pulled a chair over to the counter to reach snacks and fell off, hitting the chair on the way down.
We got Josh taken care of but when we got home, Joe was nowhere to be seen.
We found him at my MIL’s house and to be honest, I tore him a new one and grounded him from everything. My MIL decided it was time to step in and yell at me about making Joe babysit and then grounding him because ‘He didn’t know better and was too young to babysit’.
She called me an unfit mother and said that she wouldn’t allow Joe to leave with us. I ended up letting him stay for the night so all of us could calm down. I’m now being told I’m in the wrong because ultimately, it was my fault.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Joe is 16, not 6, and he was compensated for his time with $100, pizza, and a couple of mates being allowed to come over for what sounds like not a regular thing. Joe not only smoked while being responsible for a five-year-old, but he also left the house (probably to hide behind his grandmother).
Joe made the decision to smoke and leave, he’s responsible for this happening. Who knows how long Josh was left there, alone and injured? What this says is that Joe can’t be trusted to look after his own brother. MIL needs to show concern for the grandson who was in the hospital.” lemon_charlie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At 16 he is only a couple of years away from legal adulthood and should be much more responsible. He was in charge of Josh’s safety and he neglected him which caused a major injury so OF COURSE he should be punished. You probably shouldn’t have gone nuclear in front of the MIL.
I understand your fury (and I agree! I’d be furious too!) but you must have created QUITE a scene if your MIL called you unfit and refused to let Joe leave with you.
You did nothing wrong in allowing a teenager to babysit. You would be doing something very wrong if you allowed him to babysit AGAIN now that he’s proven he can’t be trusted. Ground Joe.
Find a new babysitter… for BOTH of them. Don’t allow Joe to have friends over while he and his baby brother are being babysat.” Swimming-Fix-2637
19. AITJ For Being Petty And Not Letting My Brother Eat Any Vegan Food?
“Our friend Phoebe has always been vegetarian but has recently cut out all animal byproducts.
She is also my roommate.
Every time we play DnD, our friends and my brother come to my and Phoebe’s place. They all have other roommates or just a one-bedroom apartment.
We always decide in the group chat if we are going to order food, each bring something, or if I cook and they PayPal me.
This time, I offered to cook because I felt like it. I made a huge portion of vegan Poutine. Making a real one would be too tedious, and I don’t like the package stuff. Gives me the ick.
Anyway, we are all eating, and Phoebe gets super excited because she hasn’t had Poutine in a while.
I tell her it’s her lucky day because it’s all vegan if she doesn’t add the extra mozzarella.
My brother Ross started to get pouty, and then we had a fight because he never agreed to eat vegan food. And just because Phoebe is vegan, he didn’t have to be, and he likes his meat and blablabla.
He made this huge deal about it, even demanding I give him back his 5 euros lol. He went off so much that even his partner Rachel told him to calm down. But he said it was about the principle of the matter. And that if he didn’t want to eat vegan, he should not be made to eat vegan crap.
The rest of the night I just kept taking the food away. I had bought a gummy brand that is chewy and happens to be vegan. I took that stating he didn’t want to eat ‘vegan crap.’
When he went to get some fries, I took the little bowl and said, ‘Oh no, they are vegan.’ Salt nachos?
Vegan. The Brezeln I had? Vegan. By the end of the night, he called me a stuck-up jerk and told me he wouldn’t come back to my place until I had apologized and accommodated (?) him too.
Rachel said I took it way too far for taking away all vegan things.
Phoebe feels bad for ‘starting’ this and Chandler and Joey think this is hilarious.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Chances are, had you not mentioned it, he wouldn’t have given it a second thought. It’s just childish, eye-roll-worthy behavior. It’s what you made for dinner and it’s something everyone attending can eat.
And seitan is just gluten and soy is in SO MANY things these days. In a way, he’s probably always eating vegan food. This kind of pointless huffing just makes people look and sound uneducated. Not to mention incapable of an independent thought. They’re just regurgitated stigma memes like they actually mean anything.
NTJ. Ross was just being an ignorant brat.” consolelog_a11y
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here but honestly, I would have been laughing along with Joey and Chandler. You provided food for the whole group, so your hosting is fine. A vegan cheeseburger needs to come with a warning, but I don’t know if vegan poutine needs a warning if the cheese was an add-on… fry oil can be totally veg, and a good gravy can be made a hundred different ways.
(I’m hardly a poutine connoisseur, though) He was a jerk for calling it out in such a toddler-tantrum way.
Where I get to ‘everyone sucks here’ is in your continuing to take away every vegan thing he eats, even if it is just vegan by nature.
I would have delivered each new food with a sarcastic ‘vegan food alert.’ I guess that would have made me a jerk too.” pjeans
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it was a perfect way to point out the stupidity of his argument. Plenty of non-vegans eat vegan food without even thinking about it as part of their regular diet, like potato chips, salads, etc. All it has to do to qualify is not have any animal ingredients in it.
You should tell him that Oreos are vegan too if he likes them (the original flavor at least but definitely more than one kind).
I don’t understand why some men are so threatened by veganism. It’s like it’s some sort of personal attack on their masculinity to even suggest or mention it.
It’s embarrassing. Your bro is the jerk. He was happy to make everyone uncomfortable and ruin the good DND vibes (I’m guessing) by throwing a tantrum because the dishes you kindly offered weren’t all full of meat? He needs to get over himself.” Nervous-Solution13
18. AITJ For Not Giving My Late Mother's Saree To My Sister-In-Law?
“I (25F) am married to my husband (27M) after being together for almost 10 years. We’ve been married for 3 years. Everyone from my side of the family was so happy about our relationship and was on board with our marriage. But my husband’s side of the family didn’t like our relationship and my MIL wants my husband to get married to another woman.
My husband has a brother and a sister and has a strained relationship with everyone in their family. My FIL, the sole decision-maker in their house wanted this marriage as it would be an advantage for his business with my brother (my brother has a very successful business and my FIL needs a business contract from him) and reluctantly they agreed to our marriage.
I live in India so it’s very common to live as a joint family but we wanted privacy and decided to live alone. My MIL and SIL constantly try to create problems between me and my husband, they often come to our house and find faults with my way of running a family.
So this one time they came to our house and were super nice to me. We had our lunch and after my MIL demanded that I give my mother’s red saree (it’s an Indian garment) to my SIL along with jewelry that my dad himself made for my mother.
That piece of clothing and jewelry is very sentimental to me (Dad and Mum are no longer with us). Even I don’t wear it unless it’s a very very important event (the last time I wore it was to my wedding). I told them very nicely that I wouldn’t be able to give her the saree as it’s very important to me.
Now my MIL is calling me selfish for not sharing the saree with my SIL as it’s very common to share clothing and jewelry. I told them that I was willing to share any other clothing and jewelry but not this one but they only want this saree.
My MIL and SIL went on about how I haven’t adapted to their family traditions and haven’t taken their family name and stuff.
My husband is on my side and he has also explained to them how important this is to me but they accused me of how I changed their son and he doesn’t love them anymore.
He asked them politely to leave our house and not to cause any more problems. They say I’m causing a big fuss over a saree but it’s not just a saree or a piece of jewelry to me. AITJ for not giving them the saree?”
Another User Comments:
“Your MIL and SIL don’t treat you with any respect, so it is very likely they would not treat your late mother’s saree or jewelry any better. You are not being selfish by wanting to protect your belongings that are so precious to you.
NTJ and glad your husband agrees with you. Your brother should voice his support as well. MIL and SIL are acting very entitled and selfish. You might want to store the saree and jewelry somewhere they cannot get access to, such as in a safety deposit box at your bank.
These two are not trustworthy.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I really hope they don’t have any keys to your house or that it’s easy to get into. Cause they’re going to come back and take it at some point and you’ll never see it again.
But they definitely wouldn’t say you lent it if you did let them borrow it they’d say oh you gave it to her as a wedding gift and now she loves it so much she can never part with it so no we won’t be giving it back to you.
So I don’t know if you have a safe place to put it or some sort of a lock box but beware they sound definitely horrible enough to come and take whatever they want.” NaturesVividPictures
17. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister To Bring A Plus-One To My Wedding?
“I (34F) am marrying my fiancé (28M) later this year.
I have 2 older sisters, one 36 and married with 2 kids. One 38, divorced no kids.
The eldest one has always had issues with relationships. She either gets into long-term relationships for the wrong reasons with the wrong guys, or she has short-term ones and they leave her.
She struggles with her mental health and either treats guys like absolute trash or she goes the extreme and clings so hard that they run for the hills.
My fiancé and I are mostly paying for the wedding ourselves so have had to keep the numbers down.
If we go over our current number then the venue charges an additional 10k. For this reason, we have not allowed any plus ones. 99 percent of the people coming are married or in a relationship and we both know both people, it’s not just a good friend with a partner.
There are maybe 7 single people who are invited. One being my sister, another 2 being my fiance’s sister and stepbrother.
Last night my sister asked if she could bring someone and we told her, unfortunately, she can’t due to the financial constraints of our venue with numbers.
To say she was upset was an understatement. She cried and told me it was unfair and that I’m basically telling her ‘Screw you, you’ll be alone forever’. We tried explaining that she’s not the only one but she didn’t want to listen. My mom told her that if she meets someone then she can pay for him herself, which we then firmly reminded her that it’s not just paying for the food, it’s the extra 10k, plus the rooming allocation would have to change as we’ve got her in shared accommodation, table numbers, etc.
(Background: we aren’t the closest of siblings, and neither sister is in the wedding party).
My fiancé said to my mom that either way my sister wouldn’t be happy. No plus one and she hates us for telling her she’s going to be single forever, give her a plus one, and then she hates us because chances are very very low that she’ll have anyone to bring.
Because our wedding numbers are low, we have not had one cancellation. So far we can’t guarantee that if she had a significant other by then we would have space.
She was so salty the whole day that she then announced she didn’t want to come on the Friday when we will be having a bit of a pre-wedding party for everyone to meet and have some fun (it’s a weekend away wedding) and said she’ll just pitch up Saturday morning.
Keeping in mind that she then can’t get a lift with my other sister (you need four-wheel drive to access the venue) and she will then have to leave her vehicle at a different property which will have to be paid for, and then the morning of my wedding we’ll have to organize someone to drive 30 minutes to go fetch her.
Seriously, AITJ for not giving her a plus one?”
Another User Comments:
“If your sister ‘treats guys like absolute crap’ or she goes the extreme and clings so hard that they run for the hills I don’t understand how that is a mental health problem.
Isn’t that just being an immature jerk? NTJ.
What a headache she is. And now, she won’t even show up the first night of the weekend when she has a ride because she can’t suffer being solo for one evening? I don’t know why you’re even inviting her when she is now throwing a strop and making others inconvenienced by ‘paying for her parking’ and making someone else pick her up the morning of the wedding?
It seems she wants everyone to chase her around. Your fiancé has figured this out. She’s 39 years old. If you have to have her there, she can sort her own ride just fine. And if she won’t, well, then you are saved from her sitting in the corner pouting.” MoBirdsMoProblems
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She isn’t even seeing anyone yet she thinks she’s going to have a serious enough relationship at the time that she would bring them to your wedding? When even is the wedding? She made up a hypothetical situation to make you a villain for getting married. If it was a bigger venue you’d be the bad guy for flaunting your wealth and she couldn’t afford a venue that size so you shouldn’t have it, or some nonsense like that.
There is no end to this situation that leaves her happy with you.
The whole idea of not attending Friday is to make things harder for you. I’d direct her to a local car or ATV rental place (whatever methods people are using) where she can rent a 4-wheel drive vehicle and let her know that transportation is only available on the dates you already have it planned for.
Anything outside of that is the responsibility of the attendee. ” PineForestFern
16. AITJ For Calling The Cops On My Significant Other's Mom For Stealing My Card Info?
“So I (22F) am going out with Greg (25M). His mom is Lisa (70F). Last month we attended a funeral for a family member of Greg and Lisa. After the service, everyone was mingling in the fellowship hall and eating, and Lisa stepped out for a smoke break.
I happened to see her, through one of the open church windows, get into the back seat of the car while lighting her smoke, and then she started rummaging in the large bag that I brought along. I didn’t think anything of it, as I had brought the bag so I could carry any extra things anybody needed, including lighters for instance, so I thought that’s what she was fishing for.
I went back to socializing and supporting Greg. Something that is relevant, but that I forgot at the time, is that I had left my wallet in that bag.
Anyway, I stopped by the gas station two days later for some gas and realized I was missing my card from my wallet.
I used ApplePay so I could get my gas, went home, and started searching. I also called Greg, who was at his parents’ home, and asked if he could search there and see if I misplaced it somehow. I only take it out of my wallet if I’m using it and then put it right back in, but I thought that maybe I was shuffling things in my wallet, put it down, and forgot about it.
I didn’t find my card, Greg didn’t find my card, and I decided to give it one more day before I canceled it because maybe it would just pop up. I had also not noticed any transactions through my bank app that weren’t from me.
The next day, Greg texted me saying he found my card on top of the washer. He said he didn’t know how he missed it, but it was there waiting when he went to do some laundry. I told him I’d get it from him in a couple of days when he came back to our apartment.
The next day was payday, I checked my account to see what I made, and I noticed directly below the direct deposit was a withdrawal for an Amazon order. I haven’t placed an order for anything from Amazon in weeks, and checking on my account confirmed that.
I asked Greg if he used my card to make a purchase, and he said no of course not, he would never do so without asking.
I canceled the card and reported potential fraud, and then it was discovered that LISA had used my card for the purchase because she couldn’t find hers.
She said she would pay me back soon, and that she really needed it. I don’t know what she bought, but I don’t care considering she STOLE my card. She also apparently has a history of gambling and stealing, she has taken funds from Greg before, and a driving factor of her divorce from Greg’s father was that she stole most of his savings while they were separated. He has never recovered the funds, but it was almost half a million.
I decided I would involve the cops, and now Lisa is furious and saying I’m being a brat and a lot of other insults and that I could have just waited for her to pay me back. Even though she also has a rep for not paying people.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That she has a long history of this, and yet STILL does it again, the first chance she gets on the next new victim she has access to?! Yes, she needs to face HARD consequences or she will just keep victimizing more people over and over again.
You have NO obligation to give someone a chance to pay you back when she gave you NO consideration before she stole from you.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – People need to be responsible for their actions, especially at this level. You know you cannot trust her because of her history of theft. Actions have consequences, if you don’t do anything she’ll just continue her ways and expect everyone to turn a blind eye and be okay with what she’s doing.” Jesterace77
15. AITJ For Being Annoyed After A "Stranger" Held My Baby?
“My partner (27m) and I (26f) have been together for about two years now but on and off since high school. We’ve always felt like endgame. I love him and our baby (1m).
This is my second baby. During our last break, I was with my ex; who was so abusive to me that it gave me PTSD which my current partner knows a bit about. So I’m protective over my kids. Always have been that way to be completely honest, I’m more of a reserved person.
He is so trustworthy.
So last night we went to a chain restaurant for his cousin’s (22m) birthday with most of his family so about 15 of us total. Now I need to give you context. Cousin has a partner (21f). Never met her. Heard of her twice in the two years maybe.
But Cousin moved her down here from a different country. Now before y’all get defensive in the comments we’re of the same ethnicity. Now Cousin goes to this country quite frequently. Don’t know if this is the same girl from last year. My partner can’t tell me cause he doesn’t even know.
Get to the restaurant, get out of the car, say hi to Cousin & his partner, and stand there outside our car. My partner is with our baby in his car seat. No hi, no intro, nothing. Immediately, she goes for my baby. I say nothing (I’m trying).
My partner had met his partner once, I believe, since she’s moved down here. My partner hands over my baby. I say nothing. He’s in a car seat. That’s fine with me.
I get in the restaurant. She’s got my baby in her arms. Mom rage immediately activated. Any mom knows this.
Why is a stranger whom I don’t know touching my baby? I’m already sketched out about them carrying him in a car seat. We get in and say hi to everyone. My partner knows I’m upset. He can see it. I say nothing.
His grandma can see it and tells me to sit with her. I’m quiet.
A couple of minutes into the dinner I realize we don’t have my son’s bottle. I go to the car to get it cause I need air. I can’t find it.
I ask my partner to help me find it. He comes out. Still sees I’m upset and asks a second time. He keeps on asking and I tell him we can talk about it later. But he won’t drop it so I tell him why I’m upset.
He proceeds to tell me how I’m overreacting and I’m the ONLY one with the problem. ‘You are the only one that has a problem with her’ (I do start to cry cause I’m hormonal still, it’s not funny.) I can hear those words over and over in my head.
We can’t find the bottle. He goes inside, leaving me outside alone teary-eyed and upset. I call my mom to calm down. Ask if I’m overthinking it and she reaffirmed me I was not. I text him I’m going to the bathroom – no response.
At this point, I’m debating leaving with my son. But I can’t cause a scene so I mediate a bit and go back. Finish the dinner and he acts like all is fine.
We never talk about it again.
It’s the next morning but his words are engraved in my brain.
He changed how I now look at him.
He’s LITERALLY DEFENDING A STRANGER INSTEAD OF ME.
No apology.
Am I the jerk or overthinking?”
Another User Comments:
“You know what, YTJ. Why? Because you didn’t say a word. You didn’t attend a meal with a group of mind readers.
If you’re so upset about this and remained silent the entire time, you’ve lost any right to berate your partner at this time. ‘I say nothing (I’m trying)’ – excuse me what. What did you ‘try’ by remaining silent? You had chance after chance and said absolutely nothing to prevent this situation.
You idly stood by and watched, then got upset that nobody could read your mind.
Also – ‘our baby’ at one point – but then ‘my baby’. Do you always diminish the involvement of this child’s father? He said that you’re the only one with a problem with her and this enraged you.
Was what he said not accurate? That appears to be a truthful statement. YTJ for your silent protest and refusal to take any action on the situation that bothered you so much, yet did nothing but pout about.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“You are a mother now.
You gave up the luxury of being a shy teenager who can’t speak up for herself long ago. If you say nothing, these people can’t know your boundaries. They didn’t do anything wrong. It’s up to you to assert your wishes and boundaries and keep control of your child.
You didn’t have control of your kid, so other people took over. And the child’s father, who has just as much say in parenting as you do, was fine with all of this. Why are you angry with him for making choices about his children?
You’ve got a lot of maturing to do. For the sake of your kids, please do it. YTJ.” panic_bread
14. AITJ For Telling My Husband I Do Not Want To Get Involved With Anything Regarding His Child Anymore?
“I (26) have been married to my husband (27) for 4 years and he has a child (6) from a previous relationship. The kiddo stays with the baby mamma in a different province.
Right so onto the current issue. The baby mama has, for as long as I’ve known my hubby, been a bit of a problem and I’ll give you a lot of examples:
1. Lied about the kiddo being deathly ill and on life support.
2. Provided a fake hospital bill in regard to the above.
3. Lied to my FIL about hubby paying child support so she was receiving money from both my hubby and FIL.
4. Lied to both my FIL and me about hubby knocking her up again when she visited previously.
5. Lied to my in-laws about hubby hiding the kiddo’s Birth Certificate.
6. Performs every few months about how she cannot manage and is sending the kiddo to live with us.
7. Demands money on top of the child support she is receiving.
That’s just a few things off the top of my head. I tried speaking to hubby today and I basically told him that he needs to grow a spine because she truly does take advantage at times and he got upset with me and said that I’m disrespectful.
But here’s the thing… the kiddo’s school fees and child support are paid every single month without fail yet she always demands more and hubby always just gives in even if it will negatively affect us. I’m not saying that he should not support the kiddo he most definitely should do that it is his responsibility, my problem lies with the fact that she cannot hold a job, and even when she does have one the tantrums and money stories never end.
It’s never a question for help it’s ‘you need to pay for XYZ’.
Previously when I used to give advice he would tell me I’m not a parent so I don’t know.
Lately, if I speak up or give advice he just gets annoyed with me and I apparently have no way of speaking.
He literally just refuses to grow a backbone when it comes to her.
I’ve had it up to the end of time with this behaviour from both of them and he just can’t understand that she is completely taking advantage of him but I digress.
I’ve told hubby many times to rather not involve me as it’s a subject of contention and time and time again I have broken the boundary to give him comfort or to listen to him vent and I’m just tired of being made out to be the bad guy that knows nothing.
So I told hubby today that I am standing firm on my decision this time and I will no longer be breaking my boundary so he is salty.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He has continually told you that you’re not a parent so you wouldn’t understand, etc. It seems he’s made it clear your opinion doesn’t matter.
Separate your accounts if you haven’t already done so. If he wants to continue to support his ex, that needs to fall squarely on him. But I have to wonder why, if baby mama lies so frequently, why hasn’t he sought full custody?
She doesn’t have stable employment, she lies, she’s basically defrauding your husband’s father, etc etc etc. Doesn’t sound like she’s the best person for raising his child.” Beck2010
Another User Comments:
“Eh, I’m going to say YTJ. You married this person with a very young child and baby mama drama.
There’s really no way to not be involved with largely the biggest and most important aspect of his life without simply disengaging from him emotionally.
Not sure how that is still a marriage or relationship at that point. Leave or don’t leave, but you need to accept your husband as he is, flaws and all, not how you WISH he was.
If he never changes, would you still want the relationship? If not, there’s your answer. Asking him to never talk to you about his biggest stressor is completely unrealistic as a ‘boundary’ in a healthy relationship.” ferngully1114
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband should regrow a pair since his baby mama took them with her apparently, and stop bending backward and demand proof and record everything he pays for.
He has a new family that he should take care of as well, be it mentally or financially. You have every right to demand that he gives you the same energy that he gives her and have part of the decision-making especially since y’all are husband and wife and actually share your lives.” KazeKae
13. AITJ For Not Letting My Workmate Use My Mouse?
“At work, I have a shared desk that I use when I come in for my office hours. When it’s not being used, a younger female employee comes in and uses it. She has long nails and has the tendency to dig her thumbnail into the rubber on the thumb side grip.
At this point, she’s worn a hole the size of a dime and about 2 cm deep.
It drives me absolutely crazy to use that mouse. So when I come in I just bring my own mouse from home. I have about 10 or so sitting in various places in the closet.
(don’t ask me where they all came from I don’t actually know) I take it home when I’m done. I saw this person the other day and she was annoyed when she saw a new mouse there and thought it got replaced, and I told her it was mine.
She asked that since it was one of my spares I could just leave it for both of us to use. I know what she does when she is bored or thinking, she digs her sharp nails into the mouse and hollows it out.
So I told her no. If she wants a new one she can submit a request to have it replaced. They’ve replaced it about 3 times in the last year/year and a half-ish.
I suspect she doesn’t want to explain why #4 is being ordered.
She accused me of being selfish since I told her I had a closet full of them at home, and the mouse we have is getting crappy and beat up. My response was simply ‘Yes?
And?’ This seemed to annoy her and she walked off, I heard her mutter ‘Jerk’ on the way out.
So am I that jerk or not sharing my spare mouse with my co-worker?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact that you had to bring in your own mouse because she ruined them should have made her feel embarrassed, not entitled to use the new one.
If she wants a better mouse to use and doesn’t want to ask the company to replace the one she ruined, she has every right to go get herself one for her own personal use like you did.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s not entitled to your property, and even if you left it in the office one day and she touched it, she’d be in the wrong.
You own it. It’s yours free and clear and the business-owned mouse is sitting right there. It’s functional, and any part of it she doesn’t like she can blame herself for causing.
Damsel syndrome is a thing. I’ll never understand why some people think they are entitled to favors, especially inconvenient ones, just because they are a woman or have a need and don’t want to fix it themselves.
If you really want to kill her with kindness, you can offer to sell her one of your spares for $10. Then it’d be hers free and clear and she can do whatever she wants with it.” AwayCan34
12. AITJ For Refusing To Host Any More Family Get-Togethers?
“My husband and I finally bought our first house, 5-bedroom/3-bathroom, a year ago.
Over the holidays, we thought we’d take on the role of hosting a few get-togethers.
From my perspective, it was awful. I hated every second of it. I never really hosted anything or ‘entertained’ or whatever you want to call it. Maybe it’s just that I’m not used to the requirements.
But growing up, my mom or dad would host family and they were nothing like this. My inlaws did things like:
- Let kids run around screaming/yelling, up and down stairs, touching things that didn’t belong to them, making messes, and not making them clean up after themselves;
- Parents didn’t bring anything for the kids to do and got mad at us for not having anything for them;
- Brought a dog into our house, let the dog on the furniture;
- Left chairs sticking out of tables/counters instead of pushing them in;
- Stomped around the house with their shoes on despite being asked to remove them;
- Left trash/paper plates etc sitting around or balled up instead of placing them in the trash;
- Opened multiple bottles/cans of drinks and only took a sip and left it open;
- Pulled out and used new rolls of toilet paper when there was still plenty left on the rolls;
- Opened medicine cabinets;
- Only one person asked if we needed help at any point, and it was my husband’s brother’s new significant other who we were all meeting for the first time.
She offered to help us clean up, bring out food, etc.
This was a terrible experience. My husband was shocked at his family’s behavior and didn’t know what to say. I don’t blame him for this at all. He was just a part of the hosting as me, but he was seeing his family through new eyes as well.
When he talked to his mom and dad after, they just laughed at us and said ‘That’s what hosting is.’ So, we decided together we would rather not go through all that again. Easter is coming up and my in-laws asked what our plans are.
My husband said that we weren’t going to host after everyone’s awful manners.
His mom and dad are upset with us. We have the big house, so they figured it would be on us from now on. We said that the only way we would ever even consider hosting is if every member of his family pitched in some way.
They said that defeats the purpose of someone else hosting and that no one should be expected to pitch in if we offer to host. So we said we won’t host.
Maybe I’m just not meant to host. But are we truly so far out of bounds to refuse to host anymore because of how his family behaves?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your house, your rules. And if people are ignoring those rules, then I think it’s fair not to host. I think it’s valid to not want to host for any reason, but your list is wild to me. Going through the medicine cabinet is a HUGE one, I’d be worried about a hidden addict in the family.
That’s who does that. Some of them are easily mitigated: pets on the furniture? Clarify no pets if you ever host again. But what really gets me is the shoe thing. It’s super common in a lot of cultures not to wear shoes in the house.
It’s something you should expect and respect when going to someone else’s house. It’s such a baseline boundary that to disregard it is ABSURD. What are you getting out of it to ignore that rule? A petty sense of control?
I could deal with the chairs, and even the messes, but if people went out of their way to spite the house rules for absolutely no reason, I wouldn’t invite them back either.
If they can’t respect something as basic as no shoes, they don’t have an iota of respect for you or your husband.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your in-laws sound a little out of touch. That’s not ‘just what hosting is’.
Sure, you’re responsible for a large part of any event you host, but any guest with any ounce of etiquette or just basic human decency would A) behave in a civilized and respectful manner and B) at the very least offer to help with clean up, ask what they can bring, etc.
I’m pretty certain if you and your husband did even half of what they did to you at an event they hosted, you’d hear about it and it wouldn’t just be ‘what hosting is’. Let them be upset.” wildhoneybea
11. AITJ For Accusing My Husband Of Not Being Able To Accept Our Child's Autism?
“Our middle child A (3) had very obvious differences, even as a baby.
When he was 1.5, he was diagnosed with a severe speech delay. Our area has great resources, we have EI services at home & private therapy as well.
Since starting pre-k, he was put on an IEP. His disability is ‘developmental delay’ but he registered on tests as autistic.
My husband J, fought against that label. Everyone agreed right now it doesn’t matter, he’s getting the same type of care no matter what.
I feel like I’ve always had to battle J about anything A-related. When we started noticing small differences, he brushed it off saying every kid is different.
When it became more obvious, he said he would grow out of it. Suggesting maybe I should be doing more with him at home if I was concerned (He was a 2020 baby, and I became a stay-at-home mom) as tho me not reading, talking, or playing enough was the reason he refused to make eye contact, respond to his name, & constantly stim.
J had a lot of worry about how others would perceive A. He went to a small school in a small town, with a lot of old-school parenting & all this was new to him. I’m from a diverse big city, have 2 autistic cousins & have worked with disabled kids since I graduated.
He doesn’t want him to be different, have a difficult life, or be treated poorly by society. He grieves who he thought our son would be, the life he pictured for him, how he will navigate the world as he grows up, & how independent he will be.
I understand & had those thoughts myself. But while we can grieve what we thought life would be, we need to be thankful for the child we do have & parent him how HE needs in order to grow to be the best person he can be.
We’ve completed the medical side of assessments to get the official diagnosis, mainly for insurance purposes. It is clear we will get it. Nothing will really be different… besides the label.
Today I said while getting ready I thought about picking my aunt’s brain this coming weekend at my family Easter celebration.
J said he doesn’t want to say anything or announce the diagnosis to anyone in person or online unless they specifically ask, without me bringing it up. From the tone & how well I know him, I think it’s coming from a place of embarrassment & wanting to sweep things under the rug.
I lost it a bit & accused him of not being able to accept our child as he was.
I know J is still struggling with this but it’s breaking me. I’m constantly being the strong one, lifting the emotional load, and being positive. It’s exhausting.
Our kids are happy and healthy. 90% of the time A has a smile on his face. But the other night when I was giving the boys a bath, J came in almost crying asking if I still loved him & didn’t resent him for giving me a different version of parenting than we had with our eldest (my 12-year-old stepdaughter).
J refused therapy when this all first started and now we literally can’t afford it. He won’t join any of the parent support groups I’m in. He doesn’t talk to anyone about his feelings but me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like he’s ashamed of it due to the way his small town is not accepting of people.
There could also be his own fear that it’s his fault. My ex-husband didn’t want our son tested because he was afraid it was his fault if he was autistic. I know you said money is a bit tight, but there are places that do sliding scale or accept insurance with a low copay.
He needs to work through his issues and not put them on A. That will only damage A and their relationship.
Also, just because he’s autistic doesn’t mean he can’t grow to be a fully capable adult. It really just depends on the help you get him now, how much you work with him, and how severe it is.
You can have dreams for your kids, but ultimately it’s their life and their dreams to follow.” Interesting-Laugh589
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a neurodivergent person myself with an autistic brother, mother, and (probably) partner, thank you for being the supportive mother you are being, and for wanting to celebrate your child for the amazing, unique person he is.
Taking care of an autistic person is extremely challenging at times, but it can also be an incredible gift if you let their uniqueness shine. Your husband needs to get over himself. His behavior is doing a total disservice to your son. A will grow up feeling like he is a disappointment and an embarrassment to his father, for something he has literally no control over.
No parent should want that for their child.
The fact that your husband is embarrassed about… what? Having an autistic child? That makes me so angry, and I’m not surprised that it seems to be making you angry too. He should be embarrassed of himself and his attitude towards his child.” gillebro
10. WIBTJ If I Tell People The Truth About My Husband's Behavior?
“My husband has been dealing with some major issues. We have not yet figured out what it is. But he has been dealing with certain delusions.
For example, it all started 6 months ago when he was convinced he had caught me having an affair because he found a document saying so on my laptop.
When I arrived home and he tried looking for it to show me, he obviously couldn’t find it.
He is going to therapy, but as of right now, we are technically separated and living in different rooms.
It’s just because this keeps happening. A certain insecurity eats itself into my husband, and he becomes convinced that it’s the truth.
He either ‘dreams’ of proof or he just convinces himself that anything is proof.
I don’t know what he does with the therapist. But I honestly don’t see it getting better. Last week, he was mad at our daughter (15) because she didn’t want him to drive her to prom and take pictures with her.
When I went to ask her, she said that that was not true. She had talked to her dad about what she would like to do when she graduates in 2 years. Her father just got really mad at the perceived slight.
The problem is that he keeps talking to people about the ‘issues.’ I was already wondering why so many mutuals stopped responding to me.
But apparently, they all think I am an awful human being and a terrible spouse.
I just want to tell people what is going on. Also so they are aware that my husband is basically lying to them and for them to tell me delusions that he might be having that I don’t know about.
But at the very beginning of his therapy, he begged me not to tell anyone because people would think he was crazy.
My sister said that it would also be a jerk thing to do that would basically feed into his delusions.
I just feel like I am done.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, depending. If they’re his good friends they will want to know he’s having trouble with reality so they can support him. Just keep in mind he might not be lying.
My mum remembers some things different from how I do but if we told someone about the same thing neither of us would be lying.
If your husband isn’t lying he has very concerning delusions that he believes and telling people so they can try to help him or support him is to his benefit. Telling them he’s lying isn’t. It all depends on what you tell them and for what reason if you tell them because you think it’s best for him.
You’re NTJ if it is out of concern for him and not just because you want mutual friends to talk to you again.” Ok-Raspberry7884
Another User Comments:
“So his therapist can’t tell you anything, but that shouldn’t prevent you from sharing the facts with the therapist. Perhaps write a letter to the therapist documenting each of the examples where he has made baseless accusations against you or your children.
The purpose of this would be to help ensure the therapist is fully informed about his behavior so they can consider recommending a psychiatrist.
I also think you should formally separate. You don’t need to divorce right away, but you do need to keep your children and yourself safe.
Perhaps the separation will give him the push he needs to get real help.” Used_Mark_7911
9. AITJ For Kicking Out My Husband's Best Friend And His Son?
“My husband (26M) and I (26F) recently bought our first home. It’s a cozy lake house with a beautiful view of the water, and our living room has a balcony directly over the water. We’ve been friends with this guy (36M) ‘Norbert’ for nearly a decade.
He’s been going through some financial troubles ever since his wife died, and he lost both his job and his house. He has a young son (9M), and they have nowhere to live. We agreed to let them temporarily stay in our guest bedrooms until he got back on his feet.
For the next few weeks, Norbert stayed home all day, playing video games, watching TV, blasting country music on speakers, refusing to clean up after his mess, doing nothing to help with the housework, and failing to find a job, all while my husband and I took care of his child for him.
I eventually had enough. I told my husband that our friend had been freeloading off of us and was taking advantage of our sympathy to live in our place rent-free. We both decided to ask them to move out.
A week later, I came home to see a boat outside our living room.
My husband suggested an arrangement where Norbert’s son lived with us temporarily while Norbert lived in his boat docked outside our living room. Norbert couldn’t bear to sell the boat since it meant so much to his late wife, so he thought he could utilize it for other purposes.
He said that it wasn’t like Norbert was actually on our property, so it would be more like having a neighbor than a housemate. Norbert told me that he only cared about having somewhere for his son to stay, and he didn’t mind living in a boat if it meant he could be close to his son.
The only other option was to let them be homeless, so I said I would give it a trial run.
Since then, my husband spends nearly all his time hanging out on the boat with Norbert, staying out as late as 2 AM. He says he’s just respecting my boundaries since I don’t want Norbert in the house, which he technically isn’t.
The three of us ended up in a huge argument where I said both Norbert and his child had to leave. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but you need to explain two things to your husband. 1) The difference between helping and enabling, 2) that he has a wife.
The best thing your husband could do for his friend is help him get back on track. Get him an appointment with his doctor, get him on anti-depressants or whatever the doctor suggests, and get him grief counseling/therapy. Turn off access to the internet, so Norbert can’t just game all day.
Start charging him rent and tell him he needs to get a job so he can do so. Start small at $100/week and increase it every week as an incentive to get on track (if you don’t need the money, put it towards his son’s needs.) Put an end date on his stay with you and make it firm.
Tell him he has to start parenting and meeting his son’s needs – making sure he is fed, clothed, gets to/from school, and is shown that he is loved. Stop paying for any of his expenses. If he needs internet for the job search, give him a ride to the library.
Stop enabling, start helping.” FormerRunnerAgain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Norbert is taking advantage of you and your husband is actively encouraging it. While they’re hanging out on the boat all the time, who is caring for the child? I’m guessing you? I would give your husband an ultimatum at this point and be prepared to back it up.
Maybe talk to a divorce lawyer on the down low too. This is completely unacceptable.” friendlily
8. AITJ For Thinking My Fiancee Is Being Paranoid For Thinking My Mom Is Going To Wear Something White To Our Wedding?
“I am currently two months from being married to the love of my life ‘Claire’. I don’t think my mom is a big fan of her or vice versa, but this isn’t some crazy MIL story. My mom hasn’t done anything. It is just a tense awkward feeling when they are both together.
Claire admits to not liking my mom and sharing my suspicion that my mom doesn’t like her. I watch carefully for any actual disrespect, but unfortunately, I can’t make them like each other.
Claire is upset because my mom doesn’t have her dress yet. All of Claire’s family and friends are over the moon about this wedding, and MIL has had her dress picked for months and even had a big shopping day with Claire.
My mom keeps saying she hasn’t had time yet which has been stressing Claire, as she is a huge perfectionist who hates leaving anything until the last moment.
Claire admits she has been super stressed and wedding-obsessed lately. She recently came to me and said she was concerned my mom wanted to wear white.
I asked why and she said ‘Why else wouldn’t she have a dress yet’. I pointed out that we all know my mom is lazy, and a touch selfish. When she says she is too busy we both know she means skiing and hanging out with her partner, not actually busy, but she has done nothing to indicate she would show up like that.
She’s a pretty chill person and hasn’t done anything to Claire.
Claire said I was implying she was paranoid. I said I felt the wedding stress was getting to her. She admitted it was, but asked if I would talk to my mom. I said sure, I would remind her that she needs to get her dress.
Claire asked if I would specifically talk to her about the fear of wearing white. I thought about it for a minute and said I wasn’t comfortable doing that when she had given us no reason to think she would.
Claire got annoyed and said she was being a trashy future mother-in-law by not having her dress and I needed to stop worrying about my mom’s feelings and worry more about hers.
That made me feel like crap because up until this point, I felt I have only been prioritizing her feelings.”
Another User Comments:
“Let’s be real. MiL doesn’t need to be reminded not to wear white. She already knows the etiquette and if she’s planning to breech it, she will do it with or without a reminder.
‘Ohhh you only said not to wear WHITE! This dress is IVORY!’ But if you want the civil solution: Initiate a chat with your mom that appears helpful, not lecturing. Like ‘Any luck on the dress yet? I thought I’d shoot you pics of the other dresses in case that’s helpful!
The bridesmaids are in this color. Claire’s mom is wearing this. If you don’t want to be ‘matchy-matchy’ you should stay away from that color! Oh and of course no shades of white haha!’ NTJ.” Ready_Tank_7463
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Claire can chill out or continue to work herself into a frenzy, her choice.
If you tell your mother that she needs to buy a dress as soon as possible because she has surpassed Claire’s made-up deadline for a MIL to purchase a MOG dress, you will be contributing to the animosity between them. If you ‘remind’ Mom that she shouldn’t choose a white dress or something that looks bridal, you will be contributing to the animosity between them.
You can assure Claire that when your mother chooses a dress, you’ll let her know and that if mom shows up in something inappropriate at the wedding, you’ll send her home to change.” JazzyKnowsBest13
7. WIBTJ If I Do Not Attend My Son's Wedding?
“This is about my son Ryan. When Ryan was a senior in college he informed me one of his one-night stands told him she was pregnant. I informed him that he should get a DNA test to be sure that he was the father.
So he did that and when the results came back he started to go out with her since he was the father.
The woman, Shelly, has never liked me. The first time I met her she made a comment about how I must think so little of her to convince Ryan to get a DNA test. The relationship started on a horrible note.
Shelly integrated into the family and our relationship didn’t improve. Overall I just avoided her for the most part. I was civil at events but we were not buddies.
They got engaged about two years ago. Around last Halloween, Shelly was telling the family I was saying horrible things about her.
I wasn’t. It was my word against hers and my son gave me an ultimatum. That I apologize or I won’t be invited to the wedding. I refused to apologize for something I didn’t do, so I was uninvited to their wedding. At Christmas, she told the family that if I was invited then they would not go.
Big drama and the family split the festivities into two days. My sister and husband have been on my side for all of this.
The wedding is in two weeks. I received a call from Ryan last night. It boiled down to that Shelly admitted to lying to him.
That she saw how sad he was that I wouldn’t be at the wedding and told him the truth. He re-invited me to the wedding and I told him I was unsure and would think about it.
I don’t want to go to the wedding for a few reasons.
I don’t support the wedding, I don’t wish to be around my future DIL, I am very mad that she did this in the first place, my reputation in the family has been affected by her lies and finally, she hasn’t apologized.
The truth is getting around the rest of the family and opinions are split.
Some think I would be a jerk for not going and others think I am justified in not going. Also, I am unsure if I want a relationship with Ryan if he is with Shelly.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wonder if you should/could have another discussion with Ryan.
I don’t know how much really came out during that first call when he wanted to re-invite you. While it’s good that she came clean, it’s 2 weeks before their wedding and they have some things to sort out if she’d go to such extremes to separate him from his family, and it’s a sad sign for your relationship with him that he’d be willing to go along with it without seeing for himself what she claimed you were doing.
It seems like there is more to hash out here to repair and heal between the two of you, and you should get to explain to him that while you are grateful to be reconnecting with him and to have had the truth come out, you still are not comfortable being around her.
I also think it would be fair to tell him, apologetically, that you wish you could support the marriage but you just can’t at this point in time, and that if he does proceed you wish him well.
Obviously, they should be postponing to address the issues in their relationship.
I can’t imagine how he could ever trust her again. What a sad way to get started as a couple.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you didn’t do anything wrong!? Shelly honestly needs to apologize to you and also needs to come clean to the rest of the family about the lying.
She had no right tarnishing your reputation just because you had the mature idea for your son to get a DNA test on a child that a ONE-NIGHT STAND claimed to be his. You didn’t think less of her, it’s just the normal and mature thing to do when it comes to a one-night stand with someone you don’t know well.
This boils my b***d. I honestly hope things can work out because it would be a shame to miss your son’s wedding but at the end of the day, you don’t have to go to anything you don’t feel comfortable and fully welcomed at.
Your son did seem to want you there though. Hope it all goes well and you get the apology you deserve.” sosalover03
6. AITJ For Ignoring A Crying Baby At The Restaurant?
“A few days back I was out for dinner with 2 friends. Ann is pregnant currently (ca. 17 weeks), and Kim has been married for 3 years and currently desperately trying to get pregnant.
Because Ann is pregnant, Kim cannot stand the idea of not being pregnant yet and that is all she can think or talk about.
Though it doesn’t interest me much (as someone who doesn’t plan on ever having children), I happen to have developed a good tolerance for pregnancy/child-related topics because all my friends are either pregnant or parents.
During dinner, they spoke only about pregnancies and childbirth (where I was hoping to catch up on other topics). I couldn’t get them to talk about anything else, despite politely and subtly trying to change the topic several times. But as I understand that these topics interest them more right now, I very politely contributed to the conversation where I could, otherwise I let them talk as they pleased.
A baby started crying in our vicinity and kept crying for a while even though the mother tried to calm it down. It didn’t seem hurt in any way, it seemed to be a normal cry for a baby. I noticed it start crying because it was loud and then didn’t notice it anymore.
I know it was crying because that’s what my friends kept talking about but I tuned it out and went back to savoring my dessert. The crying was like background noise to me.
But then my friends noticed how I was enjoying my dessert and not contributing to their conversation about how sad they feel for the baby and how it’s making their hearts ache.
As in, they were having some sort of ‘physical reaction’ to the baby crying. I tell them that I don’t hear the baby cry anymore. They asked me if I had a hearing issue, so I explained how it was like background noise to me after the first 10 seconds.
Both of them looked at me in horror and pity. Kim told me that it is good I don’t plan on having children because I’m heartless and that my baby would be unlucky to be my baby. Ann said that she pitied me and that I’ll never know the feeling that they both had.
I laughed at their comments because I thought that Kim wasn’t very serious about her comment, and Ann is going through a few hormonal changes with her pregnancy and deserves some leniency regarding what she said to me.
But they both got mad at me.
According to them, it wasn’t something to laugh about.
Neither of these comments bothered me at first, but after I posted about it yesterday, I received a lot of comments telling me that they are not good friends.
I argued in their favor because of their difficult situations.
They are emotionally having a tough time, but after what happened today, I’m not so sure anymore.
Kim texted me today saying that I need to start showing a little more concern toward crying children if I am to spend time with her future children.
When I asked her if my heart should ache every time a strange child cried just because I have a uterus, she called me a jerk.
So AITJ for ignoring that crying child?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good grief, these two. The baby’s mom was there so what were they upset about?
It’s not like there was an abandoned baby screaming alone on the floor, it was a fussy baby who had a parent with it and didn’t seem in distress.
I’m a mother and hearing a baby cry doesn’t put me into a fit, or make my ‘heart ache’.
Babies cry and they are judging you for no reason, Too bad because you sound like a very patient and understanding friend to sit and listen to them talk about themselves and babies and not even show interest in your life. Might be time to drift apart a bit from these two.” Hot_Box_4574
Another User Comments:
“It’s a gift you can tune out cries. My opinion – they are letting you know your friendship will be phased out when they enter their motherhood phase. They were showing you what good mothers they will be. Since you didn’t know how to play along and applaud them, they shamed you.
The threat to never see their kids was a second test to see if you would swoop in. You likely failed. It seems like a good thing your part in their lives will soon dim. Tests to see if you will glorify every step in parenthood is exhausting.
NTJ.” concretism
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Cousin In My Room?
“I (18M) am a college student. I live with my parents still, but I am preparing to move out to some student housing starting in 2nd year. So I have this cousin (12F) who has been living with us ever since late last year.
She claims to be a lesbian, and she ran away from her parents because they just didn’t like the fact that she was a lesbian. She’s too young to know if she’s a lesbian, but besides that, she’s a good kid, and she really loves soccer, and she’s really bright in school.
So I feel like she has a good future ahead of her.
My cousin used to sleep in a room in the basement, but earlier this month, she got scared of the basement because she had a nightmare down there. So nowadays she sleeps on the floor on a spare mattress, in my bedroom.
She does this because she told my parents that she doesn’t want to be alone and that she wants to bunk with me (even though I didn’t ask for it). Our relationship used to be good and all, but having to share my room with her has been annoying.
I don’t know when she’ll move out of my room or if she’ll ever get comfortable in the basement. I keep telling myself that I’ll be moving out of the house this summer anyway, but the summer can’t come fast enough.
A few nights ago, I got into a small argument with my cousin, where I really laid into her and let her know that we’re letting her stay at our house because we’re good people, and we’re doing extra for her, but we could just choose to not go above and beyond for her anymore and send her back to her own parents’ house.
Her eyes got wide as I told her this, and she couldn’t sleep during the night after our argument. AITJ for not wanting my cousin in my room?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She’s traumatized from running away from home and being rejected by her parents, she is clearly trying to bond with you, and in return, you give her the charity speech… Sheesh, I wouldn’t be able to sleep either.
You can probably mend this if you apologize and explain your struggles with guarding your personal space, whatever that means. Also, take the basement and give her your room if you can’t share it whatsoever. It’s just for a couple of months after all.” Greebocheg
Another User Comments:
“12 years old isn’t too young to know if they like boys or girls. That’s ridiculous. There are some parents in this world who do some very crappy things to their children if they are not straight. You are being very manipulative and immature with how you are handling this.
Normally CPS wouldn’t let you two be in the same room. You need to talk to your parents about your concerns about stuff and they need to figure out how to best help her. Get the actual adults involved cause you’re just making things so much worse with your approach.” starrynight764
4. AITJ For Telling My Sister I Am Her Daughter's Parent?
“I adopted my 8-year-old niece 5 years ago. Her parents just weren’t fit to be parents. They are still involved in her life as her aunt and uncle.
My niece is homeschooled. She goes to a co-op for 4.5 hours a day, 4 days a week. I work 3 12-hour shifts a week so I usually need help getting her to and from co-op 1-3 days a week.
My sister works nights and is available to take her. Since it’s a bit of a drive back to the house, she usually hangs out at the co-op and helps out with whatever they need.
One mom at the co-op makes lunches for the kids as her contribution.
She has all of their allergy/dietary info and none of the kids have complained so far. Some examples of their lunches are turkey/ham sandwiches, PB & J, mac and cheese, chicken nuggets, grilled cheese, hot dogs, and occasionally pizza.
She also gives them sides like a cracker (goldfish, cheez-its, chips, ritz, veggie straws, etc.), some kind of fruit (fruit slices, fruit cups, apple sauce), some kind of dessert (fruit snacks, cookies, brownies, etc), and a drink (usually milk or juice).
My sister told my niece that she doesn’t want her eating that crap and that when she takes my niece to co-op, she’ll be packing my niece lunch. Apparently, she told my niece that carbs are bad for her and that these lunches will make her fat.
My niece came to me upset about it because she likes those lunches and that’s what everyone else eats. I told her that my sister was wrong and then sent her to play before calling my sister.
My sister defended everything she said and I told her that if she has concerns about my niece’s diet, she will need to speak to me about it, not my niece.
I also told her that I am my niece’s parent, not her, and that if she feels that she has the power to make unilateral decisions regarding her health without consulting me I will get her a babysitter that can take her to co-op.
A lot of my family is against me on this and says that it’s my sister’s kid so she should have a say and that my getting a babysitter will be cruel to both my niece and my sister (she already stays with my neighbor during the day but my neighbor can’t take her to co-op).
AITJ for telling my sister she can’t make decisions about my niece?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your sister was great at making child-rearing decisions, she wouldn’t have lost rights to her child. I would make sure everybody who thinks it’s their business knows that YOU are the parent (for good reason) and if they can’t abide by your parenting decisions they’ll lose access for a while, too.
Does your niece know you are her aunt/uncle & your sister is her biological mom? Even if so, and she addresses you as aunt/uncle, I suggest you start referring to her as your child/kid in conversation (like this post) to clear up any leeway for people to think you aren’t in the right for making parenting decisions yourself.” mamaforeman11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is not your sister’s kid – she is your child as you adopted her and have full custody. Second, reducing or eliminating carbs from a child’s diet can be dangerous given that they need energy to grow and develop. Third, as an elementary school teacher, her lunch sounds perfectly aligned with what my students bring from home or what the cafeteria serves (although we do not serve anything with peanuts).
Fourth, speaking to her about a decision that she made is totally inappropriate because what right does a nonparent have to even discuss that with a child?
I understand an argument between the two of you regarding your daughter’s diet but for her to make a unilateral decision and decide for an 8-year-old that she is not responsible for, is a totally inappropriate move – even if her grandmother did something like this, it would be wrong.
You are the parent and the decision is 100% yours. (sounds like your sister is attempting to be a parent after giving up her rights to do so – you may want to look for a different caretaker for her in this case or else you may have more ‘discussions’ incoming).” Such-Flatworm-9857
3. AITJ For Being Mad At My Parents For Getting My Baby's Ears Pierced?
“My husband and I travel down to Mexico to visit with my family. I am an American citizen. My mom and dad are not.
My mom and dad got my daughter earrings for her birthday.
My daughter’s ears are not pierced. She is only a year old
I told them that I would save them for her until she was old enough to get her ears pierced.
We left my daughter with my parents while we went to meet up with some friends.
When we went to pick up my daughter my mom showed us that we didn’t need to wait because they had taken her to get her ears pierced.
I got my daughter and I dragged my husband out of there before he lost his mind.
We went back to our hotel.
I am furious. My husband said that my parents are not allowed to spend time alone with my daughter ever again. I went farther. I said that I would not be bringing her, or any other kids we might have, down here to see my parents.
We checked out three days early and went home.
On the way home my parents were calling me to see when we were coming over. I ignored all the calls and texts until we were back home in Phoenix.
We took a couple of days to think things over and cool down.
I finally called them. I asked them not to speak until I was done talking. I told them that my husband and I were upset with them for getting our baby’s ears pierced without our permission. I told them that we went back home and probably wouldn’t be visiting for a while.
They said that my sister and I both had pierced ears when we were babies and that it did not harm us.
I said that we were not going to change our minds. They started getting everyone including my grandmother to call me and say I was being ridiculous.
I talked with my husband and we came up with a compromise. We agreed that we would resume visits, but not alone time with them, if they both got their nose pierced.
They said that we were being stupid and that they were not going to do that.
I said no problem and hung up.
We have started blocking anyone who tries to call us and give us crap for denying my parents their RIGHT to see my daughter.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. I’d be livid. However, I’d change the ultimatum to something more open-ended like ‘Until you can prove to me that you respect my decisions and boundaries, we won’t be back.’ That way YOU can decide when you’re ready and whether or not you want to see them, rather than it being a relatively minor cosmetic choice for them to decide.
‘They said that my sister and I both had pierced ears when we were babies and that it did not harm us.’ This is the same crappy logic my parents tried to put me through when I told them that we weren’t circumcising our son.
‘WeLl wE diD iT tO YoU aNd YoU tUrNeD OuT fiNe.’ I was a baby and couldn’t say no. You did that unnecessary and irreversible thing without my informed consent. Same thing here. Ear piercings are an unnecessary and irreversible (though mostly healable) procedure that a baby can’t agree to or understand.” -DementedAvenger-
Another User Comments:
“You’re Mexican. So to your parents, this is ridiculous. You already knew that though. If this is something you’re willing to cut your parents out over then go for it. Don’t offer dumb ultimatums. That just makes you sound dumb and immature.
This is your kid and you get to keep her away from your parents for any reason that you want. If you feel comfortable doing that, that’s on you. I am a bit annoyed that you don’t seem to understand the cultural context here.
You know baby girls in Mexico get their ears pierced and it’s not some massive issue. You were raised by these people so you already know that. I’m wondering why you don’t seem to understand that to them this is not some huge deal. You are NTJ because as a parent you get to make any decision you want for your kid.” Relevant-Inside8117
2. AITJ For Wanting To Wake Up My Son?
“I have an 8-year-old son named Dylan who I share custody of with my ex Danielle.
Danielle is married to Chris and I’m married to Christine.
Christine and I took a week’s vacation this week. Dylan didn’t go because he had school and was with his mom. But he has spring break next week and I’m taking him and my older son/Dylan’s half-brother to Palm Springs.
Dylan is very attached to me and Christine and my older son. We did FaceTime with him and he’d cry saying that he missed us. We came back last night and I asked Danielle if it was cool if we came by to see Dylan even though we’re picking him up tomorrow.
Unfortunately, we didn’t get there until 11 pm but it was fine because Danielle and I always have things to discuss. Dylan was asleep. We were getting ready to go and Danielle said she was going to take a bath and we could see ourselves out.
I took some of Dylan’s stuff outside and then came back into the house. Chris looked at me like why am I back and I casually mentioned that I was going to say hi to Dylan. Chris said Dylan was dead asleep. I said I’m sure he is but he probably will be upset if my wife and I leave without seeing him.
Then it got weird. He said ‘Hey man. Can you just not wake him up?’ I was like what? He said it’s a hassle getting Dylan to go back to sleep and he wanted to go to sleep himself. I said I was going to put him back to sleep anyway.
He started complaining that it took him an hour just to get Dylan to go to sleep. He even took him in the shower, gave him melatonin, and gave his noise machine to play.
I said you’re not going to tell me I can’t say bye to my kid but like I said, I’ll make sure he goes back to sleep.
Talking about 15 minutes. He was pretty mad. Dylan didn’t even wake up so I just left him a Godzilla plush toy that my wife got him while we were on vacation.
Now there’s clear tension between me and Chris.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Chris had valid points and you just wanted to try to establish power over him in his own house.
I’m really curious though about what was so important that you had to talk to your ex about at 11 pm when you would be over to see your son the next day and could have spoken then. You sound like you are a difficult person to co-parent with and don’t have respect for boundaries.
Take the judgment, you are a selfish jerk and should work on repairing the relationship with your ex and her husband.” Blue_Ander71
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your son was asleep. If waking him up did cause a problem the rest of the night, it would be a problem for your ex and her partner not for you.
You can have whatever rules you want at your house about sleep routines, but they said listen he’s asleep, please leave him alone and you should have. It’s selfish to ignore their wishes. You overstepped your welcome. He may be your son but it wasn’t your custody time.
Next time they just won’t let you in the house at 11 pm, because they don’t have to – it was a courtesy. You should have extended the same courtesy to say yeah I get it I’ll see him tomorrow tell him I stopped by and I love him.” cocopuffscocopuffs
1. AITJ For Telling People That We Already Got Married?
“I (30F) got engaged to Jack (31M) last year.
From the start, wedding planning was a nightmare. We were excited to celebrate and begin venue searching, but Jack broke his knee and couldn’t walk for months.
During Jack’s recovery, his brother Paul got engaged to Eva. Immediately, the family’s attention shifted. Paul and Eva had an engagement party, they got to tour venues, and go dress shopping; we were just…
the other ones. By the time Jack recovered, we realized that not only did we not want to compete with Paul and Eva, but that a traditional wedding wasn’t in our budget. It would be cheaper to elope in Greece with close friends and family, than honeymoon there.
Happy with our decision, we told the family in May that we would get married in Greece in December. Everyone was excited – for exactly six days until Paul and Eva shared their date: one month before ours.
It felt intentional. Paul has a thing about being the eldest and married first. And surprise, everything then turned to them.
Band or DJ? White or beige linens? Who will be the flower girl? Everyone only cared about Paul and Eva’s big wedding, not mine and Jack’s.
It felt like everything was going wrong. Only one member of the bridal party (Taylor) said she’d go to Greece.
Even my mom wouldn’t come. Paul and Eva were determined to upstage us, nobody cared about our wedding, and even the bachelorette party sucked (but that’s another story.) So, Jack and I decided in July to do a private courthouse ceremony—something just for us instead of everyone else.
Jack and I still eloped in Greece alone. It was perfect, and we had a little of our budget left, so decided to throw a small reception for friends/family back in the US when we returned. There, we shared our secret: that Jack and I actually married in July.
People FREAKED OUT. Eva blurted, ‘What was the point of Greece?’ and fumed the rest of the night. Our friends were quiet and kept to themselves. Taylor left early for an ’emergency.’ Even my mom left early.
Later, Taylor called and said she felt ‘hurt’ she wasn’t ‘included in the real wedding.’ She WAS included; she found out about our real wedding when my own family did.
She was invited to the reception and the bach, the two most intimate and expensive celebrations of my life. She used a lot of therapy talk, like ‘Your day isn’t about me, I just wanted to be a part of it.’ But nobody else complained, including my family, who are more important to me than anything.
If they didn’t feel excluded, why should she?
My coworker thinks I am the jerk. She said people traveled for our reception on late notice just to be told they weren’t important enough for the real wedding. But nobody cared about our wedding, they just felt entitled to it after the fact.”
Another User Comments:
“You know what, YTJ. For starters, I’m convinced this whole thing with Paul and Eva is entirely in your own head and you made a nonsense casserole over nothing. Life does not stop for anyone else when Jack is recovering and Paul and Eva can have their wedding whenever they want.
It’s not like there’s a line or anything on who can have weddings first. You sound like you really crave attention and your words and actions throughout the post are super off-putting.
As for the actual conflict, I don’t know why you decided to wait until right then and there to announce that, or at all.
It sounds so weird to attend a wedding only for one of you to randomly throw out ‘Oh yeah we actually got married months ago lol’. Really just sounds spiteful and a reason to stir up drama nobody needed.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You seriously mishandled the situation and hurt people.
It’s understandable that you were frustrated with the situation, but you handled it in a way that was thoughtless and hurtful. You excluded people who care about you from your actual wedding and then surprised them with the news at the reception. That’s a big no-no. Imagine how your friends and family felt when they found out they weren’t at your ‘real’ wedding.
They probably felt like they weren’t important to you, even though that may not have been your intention.
You might have had your reasons, but that doesn’t change how your actions made them feel. You need to own up to your mistakes and apologize sincerely.
Acknowledge their feelings, and explain your perspective without making excuses. Hopefully, you can repair the relationships and move forward, but it’s going to take some effort and humility on your part.” EllieEnchantz
