People Think Daily About These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Change His Shampoo Due To Past Trauma?
“My parents were very big abusers in every aspect (I promise this is relative to the story).
My partner and his mum have a very strict budget as they are not in a decent financial position.
My parents used to make me eat this shampoo and conditioner if I did anything bad.
Sort of like what other people with the block of soap. My partner uses this same shampoo and conditioner and every time he washes his hair, I am brought up with all these memories. But it’s my partner’s favorite shampoo and conditioner and it happens to be all they can afford which I understand, especially after living by myself for a year with no support.
So, would I be the jerk if I asked my partner to change shampoo and conditioner when they are already on a tight budget?”
Another User Comments:
“I used to use a specific brand & range for years. I tripped, hit my head & ended up in a coma.
My husband obviously brought this to the hospital. Spent another few days in hospital after I woke up. Had a few showers & washed my hair daily to get rid of some gravel & dried blood. After being released I immediately threw out the shampoo & conditioner.
The smell brings up bad memories & I want to vomit. Had to find a replacement brand (it does look really awkward if a person starts smelling shampoo & conditioner in the shop’s aisle!!!). NTJ!” Nervous_Ad_5987
Another User Comments:
“Well this is delicate. You have strong trauma associated with the scent of these products so you’d rather avoid these smells as much as possible.
But also, being traumatized doesn’t give you the right to require his family to change their hair products (I guess that it’s not only his, it’s probably the one his family uses). You should get some help to work through the trauma and eventually get less sensible around the smell because you don’t have control of everybody’s smell and you might encounter it again, but I know this isn’t an ideal world and even if you started working on that, it would take a long time and a lot of strength.
I was going to say, tell him the story and offer them some hair products that do not trigger you, but actually, offering him may appear like you’re giving him charity, which can make it worse. I would explain the matter to my partner, ask if he could switch the products, if it would not bother him, maybe for the same with a different smell or something new in their budget that you can search together.
Or one you could offer (but don’t propose this if one of the two first works, it should be a last resort). There’s a great chance he doesn’t care about changing it and he will not react badly. Even if he did, you would not be a jerk.
Just someone who had a hard life trying to navigate it. No one would blame you.” Responsible_Brain852
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please speak with your partner and tell him how that brand can trigger you and why. If that’s truly the only one they can afford, ask if you can cover the difference.
If he refuses, then maybe it’s time to move on. A particular brand of shampoo and conditioner shouldn’t be a hill for him to die on. I’m sorry your parents were such jerks. I hope you are able to get some therapy to deal with what they put you through.” Cerridwen171
21. AITJ For Wanting Payment After Fixing A Family Friend's Laptop?
“I have always been the more techy family member, not an expert, just better than the others.
My mother’s friend asked if I would fix her broken laptop and she would pay me for it, so I said I would have a look. I managed to fix it after about 4 hours of troubleshooting.
I get home from work and my mother had taken the laptop back to her friend and refused any kind of payment because she’s a family friend. I wasn’t happy about this because I spent 4 hours fixing the thing and I get very little free time to myself.
But after saying this I am now labelled as selfish for wanting payment from a family friend. So AITJ or would you be annoyed too?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: You agreed on the work in exchange for payment and that is a deal between you and the owner of the laptop.
Your mother plays no part in that obligation and had no right to agree on your behalf it was free. Now you are in an awkward situation and it may be seen as a social faux pas to ask them now they have been told it was free.
So if anything your mother is the jerk and now should be on the hook to pay you instead of the owner if she wants to save face. If she refuses then it’s up to you in a shortest possible time frame (longer you leave it the worse it will likely be to address) to talk to the laptop owner and apologize but your mother had no authority to make that claim.” Serious_Ad6112
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I am a long-term professional in this capacity and have dealt with this for years. First of all, you need to tell your mom that if she’s going to do this, she needs to get professional liability insurance. If, for example, you get blamed for some loss of data or other issue (you will always be blamed, even months later) then you need to have this in place for protection.
Providing free service does not absolve you from liability. Secondly, you should create a contract that states your terms and conditions (a basic checkout charge of $125) which you get upfront. Then after check out you notify them of your ESTIMATE for repair with the 125 to be applied to the total. Note that the estimate is an estimate and that you will notify them again if the actual time approaches the estimate and you still have more work to do to gain additional authorization.
Basically, you need to present as a business that gets paid. So even if your mom brings you a laptop, you call them and give them the spiel. Your mom isn’t thinking about the potential downsides. Thirdly, the other thing you can do is just set it to the side and a few hours later say, “sorry, I couldn’t fix it” if you’re fairly certain you won’t be paid.” chuckinhoutex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ dude go back to your mom’s friend and tell her your mom doesn’t speak on your behalf for your work, you already had a payment planned it sounds like, so ask for the original payment because you did not agree to do it for free.
That’s messed up that your mom did that without speaking to you and kind of messed up that the friend would agree to not pay you, when again, you weren’t even a part of that conversation. You should also tell your mom to mind her boundaries when it comes to your work and pay.” Ok_Cryptographer3142
20. AITJ For Insulting My Stepmom After She Insulted My Sister?
“I 16m have a younger sister 14f and the two of us are really close, we’ve supported each other through events such as the divorce of our parents and the marriage of my dad to my stepmom.
She brought along her daughter also 14f.
She and her daughter didn’t like us for reasons unknown. Whenever I and my sister did one thing wrong, they’d make fun of us, tell my dad an over-exaggerated story, and get us grounded. Today though was a similar but different story.
We were having breakfast in the kitchen, and my sister accidentally spilled milk on her shirt. Predictably my stepmother called her a lazy pig, my sister ignored her initially until my stepmom called her a witch. We were used to insults like ugly, lazy, fat, stupid, mentally ill, slow, but never witch.
I got up from my chair and called her a witch, I and my stepmom got into an argument, and I said a bunch of pretty offensive things that I won’t list. I may have gone overkill with that, but I had enough it’s her always acting innocent and using the “I pay partial rent” argument.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were defending yourself and your sister. This lady sounds horrible. Does your mom or dad know about how she is treating you? If not, you should try to record this on your or your sister’s phone… Also, I think in many states you and your sister are old enough to choose who you live with.” aj_alva
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Record audio on your phone (keep in your pocket) whenever she is about to come into the room. When she lies to your dad ask to speak to him in private and play the audio clip. Remember to stay neutral if recording so you can’t get in trouble for a reaction.
Also, make sure you try and be calm and rational when talking to your dad about things your stepmum does so they can’t play the whole “irrational, emotional, overexaggerating child” card.” Status-Pattern7539
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, protect yourself as your dad is obviously choosing his new partner over his kids.
Document everything and try and get recordings, if legal in your state (double check that). Do everything to protect yourself and save this thing on a cloud server so it can’t be destroyed. Send copies to your mom and potentially your dad. Talk to your dad separately and let him know that if he rather choose her over his kids then he will lose a relationship with you.
Save your money and prepare to move out the day you’re 18, she will probably push your dad to kick you out asap so prep for that eventuality. This is a terrible situation, best of luck to you, take care of yourself and your sister.” Bonecup
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cook And Clean Up After My Housemates?
“I 25f live with 2 housemates, A (25f) and B (24f). We all work and share chores and outgoings equally. We share cooking evening meals (each doing 2 nights and 1 night we fend for ourselves).
We all help clean up after dinner.
Now I work reduced hours for health reasons. This only occurred in the last 18 months and we were living together 2.5 years prior to that. As a result, I get home 2 hours earlier than my housemates.
Recently my housemates requested that I do all the evening meals as I get home first. I have no issue with this but said that if that is the case then I wouldn’t have to clean up after.
They don’t think this is fair as I would be able to relax after dinner whilst they are cleaning. They believe if I cook, then dinner is ready when they get home, we all clean, and then get to chill out earlier than we currently do.
I do understand their reasoning but I see that as no longer being a fair distribution of ‘chores’. Also, I am home earlier due to health so I am not just being lazy.
Am I being unfair?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but in my family the rule has always been whoever cooks doesn’t clean up.
Of course that is a proviso that the person cooking does not use every single item in the kitchen and leaving a kitchen that looks like it has been in the middle of a food fight.” Inallea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re roommates, not family (and I assume not in a relationship).
If you each contribute a fair amount of money for the space you use and clean up after yourselves you don’t owe each other anything. Now if they contribute more on bills I think you picking up some slack with cooking and cleaning is somewhat reasonable, but if they’re just asking because you have a bit more time then it’s very rude of them.” ConfusedSammach
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as it is pretty customary for the “chef” to not do the cleanup, especially in a situation like you are in where you are not cooking for your “family” but roommates. If you have reduced hours for your health that means that you are giving up part of your rest time prior to dinner to cook which is work and so should claim back your leisure time after dinner.
I think this is an example of people being given a good deal – reduced rent – then meals cooked for them – and then going even further with demands because they think the person is easily manipulated.” Jujulabee
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Answer My Mother's 20 Questions After Work?
“Sometimes, when I get home from work, my mother will play a game of 20 questions with me.
I don’t mind talking with my mother, but if she wants to talk or feels talkative, she’s more than welcome to say things to me.
But instead, she keeps asking and asking and asking even though I give short answers.
I’m a hardcore introvert and I get burned out really easily, and the last thing I want to do directly when I get home from work is talk more when I basically put up a front for 5-8 hours
Could I just humor my mother a bit? It’s not like I don’t talk to her, but I can tell she takes a bit of offense.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some time when it’s not after work & you have some strength & energy let her know that while you enjoy her company, sometimes you just need solitude.
I, too, cherish my alone time & my mom was a question asker: to the point of making me reveal things I didn’t want, or making me cry. We had a hard conversation about boundaries, which I have to remind her of (even after a decade) occasionally.
You have every right to not want to talk, and if it hurts her then that’s something she will need to deal with.” Alligator-Cupcake
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Extroverts are really good at making us introverts feel guilty about not fulfilling their need for interaction at the exact moment when they need it.
You say you’ve had a discussion about it previously, you need to have that discussion again and not accept her calling you selfish for expressing your needs. You are an individual with needs (not an extension of your mother or a tool for her to meet her own needs), and you have a right to set boundaries.
Remind her that you don’t need the same things she does. And as an adult with an extremely extroverted parent, I can tell you that I’ve spent the last 48 years reminding my mother that I’m not a freak for not wanting the constant party and the constant talk, talk, talk all the time.
You may need to just hole up in your room for a while after coming home from work because if you ask for permission to get the quiet refueling time that you need, you’ll never get it.” MichelleInMpls
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but definitely set a specific boundary.
“Mom, I love you, and I know you just want to know how I’m doing. But when I get home after work, I simply can’t handle talking. To anyone. This has nothing to do with you. I just can’t handle talking to any human being immediately after walking through the door.
Please let me have some quiet, to decompress.” Then suggest a time frame when she can start 20 Questions. Like, “don’t ask questions until we’re sitting down for supper unless I initiate.” Or “I will say hello, and then go to my room for about an hour.
We can talk when I come back out to the living room.” Something like that but worded better.” penpapercats
17. AITJ For Asking My Brother To Get A Babysitter For My Adult-Only Birthday Party?
“For my 30th birthday, I’m inviting a dozen people out to my campsite over Memorial Day weekend. We will only have this many people at the site for 6 hours. Everyone is over 21, so there will be drinking and general adult shenanigans. Also, my campsite is right on the water on a pseudo-peninsula (but there is no beach, it’s a rocky ~6′ dropoff).
As such, I politely asked my brother to find a sitter, because I want them to have fun too. I initially cited safety concerns given the nature of the campsite, but he said “it’s really weird” that I would make this request, and he is making his wife stay home with their son (2) rather than find a babysitter for SIX HOURS.
I think it’s a more than reasonable request. This should go without saying, but I love my nephew more than life itself and I certainly don’t want to exclude him, but I feel he should sit this one out.
So tell me, random internet strangers, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re not inviting a two-year-old to a drinking party with dozens of people who are strangers to said kid. Makes sense. That said you can’t be upset when people with babies don’t show. Your brother and his partner decided she’s staying home with the 2 y.o.
You aren’t paying for a sitter and you don’t know if they even have a regular sitter who is available (it’s a holiday so getting a sitter may be difficult). Your brother’s partner is a grown woman. If she wants to find a sitter in order to attend then she and your brother can make that choice to try to get a sitter.
They might fail on such short notice. Why do you think he’s ‘making her’ versus this is a decision both of them made based on availability?” JetItTogether
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not at all. As a family with little ones and older ones and brothers that do a lot of activities like this, I always ask if it’s going to be a kid-allowed event when I get invited. If they say no, I don’t get hurt or hesitate.
I either find a sitter or say I won’t be able to make it if I can’t. They always understand and there are no hard feelings. Your brother is having to come to terms with the fact that some events, no matter how much he thinks his kid should be there, are not for kids and other adults don’t want that element introduced to their fun.
I know for sure if I am at an event where there are not supposed to be kids, and one comes, I can’t help but switch back to dad mode and it takes away from the relaxation I was feeling. I hope your brother comes to understand this but it may not be before the event.
Best to accept that soon and not let it interfere with the fun. Good luck.” Legal-Zombie6325
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Requesting a child-free event is totally OK in my book. You’re having your birthday at a campsite on the water where adults will be imbibing in spirits (perhaps other things as well) and adult shenanigans will abound.
In what world does your brother think that it’s a good idea to bring a 2-year-old to your party? This has danger written all over it for your nephew (this would apply to some adults I know). Your nephew could wander off into the woods, fall into the water, get burned by the campfire (you are having one, right) or ingest something he’s not supposed to in less time it takes to sneeze twice.
Putting a 2-year-old in this setting with adults drinking is a tragedy waiting to happen. Who stays home with your nephew or watches him if they both come, is not your concern. Your party sounds awesome. Happy Birthday to you!” BadBandit1970
16. AITJ For Deliberately Getting A Question Wrong On My Exam For Fun?
“In college, I have a lecturer who’s a pretty “hard” guy. Liberally swearing in class, stern attitude, and harsh vibe. I had an exam for the subject recently and there was a question that I decided to get wrong just for “fun”.
It was a question asking when is a company resident in Ireland. I remember in class him saying “Please under God, do not say a company is resident in Ireland if it is present for 183 days”. I was really satisfied with my previous question, very confident I would pass so I decided to “self-sabotage”.
Imagining his reaction to reading that answer as well lol.
My mum didn’t see it that way at all and was surprisingly pretty upset saying I wasn’t taking it seriously. I told her that it’s pretty obvious she’s wrong given I’m in my 3rd year, passed all previous exams and for that subject, I already did a CA worth 20% and as I said performed well in the previous questions on the paper.
I was expecting her to find it funny but her tone towards me feels a lot more annoyed.”
Another User Comments:
“I’ll go with no jerks here, but just…why? I’m with your mum in not finding it funny. Chances are, your lecturer won’t find it funny either, just silly and immature.
Also, what if you didn’t end up performing as well as you thought you had on the previous questions, and that “self-sabotage” was the difference between a high grade and a mediocre grade? Or what if you needed to call upon that lecturer one day as a reference, or for a professional favor, and this is what he remembered you for, and you stayed imprinted on his memory as someone who doesn’t take their education seriously?” nocturne8d272
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself. Sure you passed but you also self-sabotaged yourself for no good reason. The LOLs is not worth your future. It was a serious exam and you made a silly decision when you knew it was a serious matter. Your mom probably thinks you aren’t taking your education seriously.
As someone who would also have that thought in an exam, I would add it in there as a joke but then add in the correct answer underneath so the professor knows and you both know it was a joke. The professor probably has many students and you just upset him off rather than letting them laugh just a little bit while having to correct many exams.” Silly-Ad8446
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. But that’s really too strong a term. You acted like you’re the protagonist in reality, and everyone, knowing that, would have a sensible chuckle out of your response. The professor didn’t. They most likely thought I said specifically NOT to say this, and this guy wasn’t paying attention to the thing I specifically told him not to do (maybe I shouldn’t recommend him for that internship after all).
And you should know by now that our own parents have to treat jokes like they’re moments to wisdom-scold. You have to tell someone else’s parents your “joke” if you hope for a little chuckle. I don’t think you’ll get it here, because what you did is not funny as much as it is confusing.” loginorregister9
15. AITJ For Not Celebrating My Husband's Achievement Because I Was Tired?
“After a particularly challenging work week for me, my husband found out he got a part in a play. Good news…yes. However, I was tired and not in the mood to go out to eat on a Friday night at a crowded restaurant.
I initially thought he was okay with it. However, he did pout about it and make comments and sighs to ensure I knew his displeasure.
He then decided he would go out with just our elementary-age son to celebrate. My high school daughter was already asleep after a long week for her as well.
I mentioned I had hamburgers in the fridge I needed to make or they would go bad. That’s when he blew his top and started stomping around and swearing at me. Yelling for everyone to hear that I ruined his night and was responsible for ruining the night for the whole family.
I later discovered he took the hamburgers out of the fridge, walked them outside, and threw them in the trash.
He then retreated to the basement…when our paths crossed next he started demanding an apology. Said stay away from me until you are ready to apologize.
I walked away and he started swearing at me again.
Fast forward to last night…Christmas is coming and I wanted things to be civil for the kids. I approached him and asked can we have a civil discussion? The only words out of his mouth were only if you are ready to apologize.
Needless to say, I turned and walked away. Guess I will be considered responsible for ruining Christmas for the kids now too.
Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Him — stomping around, swearing, and throwing food away seems kind of childish. He should apologize for that behavior.
You – You do owe him an apology, though. You didn’t want to celebrate his news — it’s a little selfish of you, what’s so hard about going out to dinner? But fine, you were tired, and your daughter was asleep. He made a very reasonable suggestion of just taking your son out (who I assume would have liked to go), and your complaint about the burgers was ridiculous.
Make them for you and your daughter, then. Once cooked the leftover burgers can be refrigerated until tomorrow. You weren’t just unwilling to celebrate with him, you didn’t want to let him celebrate at all. Seems petty.” reginaphelangey23
Another User Comments:
“”Initially he was ok with it.
However, he did pout about it and make comments and sighs to ensure I knew his displeasure.” That doesn’t sound like someone who is “ok with it”. That sounds like the opposite. “He then decided he would go out with just our elementary-age son to celebrate.
My high school daughter was already asleep after a long week for her as well. I mentioned I had hamburgers in the fridge I needed to make or they would go bad.” So because you and your daughter were tired, and you wanted to cook, he’s not allowed to go celebrate with the one person who was willing to celebrate his good news with him?
I know his reaction was over the top but I’d like to give this post the same courtesy I’d give if the genders were flipped and explore the possibility that this was a straw that broke the camel’s back situation. Do you guys ever go out to celebrate his accomplishments?
Do those celebrations often get delayed? How often are his wants back-burnered because you and/or your daughter are tired/busy/whatever? Have you asked him to talk this out so that you can listen and understand his side of things? Asking for a “civil discussion” is pretty much the same as telling someone to calm down, it doesn’t work.
It kinda implies that you don’t think you’re in the wrong at all, which means you’re not willing to listen and understand. Maybe suggest he make a post himself so that you can read how he interpreted the incident.” Remote-Passenger7880
Another User Comments:
“ESH – He got a part in a play, he wanted to celebrate with the entire family but you and your daughter wouldn’t go, so he wanted to celebrate with your son.
Which was a nice alternative for his celebration. This is where you went wrong – you put a damper on it by wanting him and your son to not go out and eat those hamburgers because *gasp* they would go bad? You bailed out on going out but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be allowed to go with your son.
This is where he went wrong – He was initially okay with the alternative of going out the next day but then seems to have changed his mind. When you mentioned the burgers, he behaved badly, and threw the burgers out and if that wasn’t enough, he wanted an apology from you for bailing out on him.
He sulked and is now holding you responsible. The two of you really need to sit down and work this through minus the attitude or else the two of you will ruin Christmas for your children.” BoredofBin
14. AITJ For Posting A Selfie On Social Media After Gaining Confidence Post-Surgery?
“After years of not feeling confident because of my size and a couple of serious physical issues, I finally bit the bullet and had a couple of major surgeries this year, from which I’m now finally recovered. Both were medically necessary and could not wait any longer, so it wasn’t plastic surgery or anything like that.
I lost a pretty decent amount of weight due to my illness and got my teeth finally fixed and I am not embarrassed to go out in public now and be more outgoing.
Needless to say, I have very few pictures of myself from the past few years to post, mostly because I was embarrassed to take those pictures and somehow had very few taken of me and well, there just aren’t that many of just me out there.
So I took a picture of myself and posted it as an update on social media. Well, long story short, my friend was told, by several “mutual friends”, that I’m acting too conceited and I should not post what I thought was a decently regular picture of myself.
It was simply just a regular self-taken picture, or so I thought.
I don’t even know what to think now. One side of me feels like these people expect me to stay ‘in the background” and subservient and not be more confident in myself. Another side of me wonders if I am being a little over the top.
I think I’m just finally in a place where I want to express and be myself, but hearing this takes me back more than a few steps and now it has me questioning everything. Such as, did these people actually say that or was it one person being judgmental (we do have one person in common that’s incredibly judgmental that unfortunately she listens to), or did several people actually state this?
Or is this because my friend thinks I’m going to eventually grow beyond our lifelong friendship? Am I being a narcissistic jerk?
I will admit, maybe I am being a little more into myself right now, but darn it, after being sickly looking, ill, and having no real personal confidence for the last 10 years, I think I deserve to enjoy this moment now that I’ve reached the end of all the stuff I went through for the past several years.
I just don’t know what to think.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…What the what? Everyone posts a selfie of themselves. Tell me that these people who are all telling you that doing so, do not have pictures of themselves on their social media? If not, I might hold some credibility to their claims. But I find that highly doubtful.
Who is telling you this? I would ask them what they really think? Or are they letting someone think for them? And if posting a selfie is so conceited, what does that say about their selfies? I see jealousy and now you are finding out who are your real friends and those to let go of.
Do not let these people demean what you have been through and where you are now. Do not let their thoughts into your head. This is about them and not you.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“One of my daughter’s supposed friends all through elementary school told my daughter that she posted too many selfies.
That, from the one who would post waaay more than anyone else, honestly. She was always bossy and definitely had main-character syndrome. People get jealous and lash out. I always felt a bit sorry for her and her brother as their parents never had much time for them.
My daughter just ignored her. I always found it ironic that she of all people would say that when she seemed to be obsessed with her own selfies but of course never did say anything to her. I’ll say it now: You were wrong, Amanda!!!” ZestycloseDonkey5513
Another User Comments:
“These people are not your friends. Maybe it’s because I stopped caring a long time ago, but I would block all of them and cut off all contact. You don’t need negative people like that in your life. Also, congrats on how far you have come!
You deserve to feel happy and confident, and posting a picture of yourself on YOUR page doesn’t make you any of the things they are claiming. I’d even go out on a limb and say maybe this person is jealous of you because that attitude is really typical of an angry jealous person.
People who are unhappy in their own lives love to be mean to others. Not that it fixes anything, but it will certainly lose them a friend – you.” Reddit User
13. AITJ For Refusing To Pay More Bills If My Partner Works Less?
“My partner and I live together and split the rent and bills 50/50. We earn pretty similar amounts and both work full time. My partner has struggled with work anxiety in the past which caused her to have frequent periods of sickness and move jobs fairly regularly.
She’s now in the job she has wanted to do for years and is happy so far. She has to also do a university course with her job which she finishes next year.
She mentioned that when she qualifies and doesn’t have to worry about university she might ask if she can go to part-time and only work three days a week to try to ensure her work-related anxiety doesn’t return.
I asked if she’d be able to afford doing that and she mentioned that we’d need to change how the bills are split.
She said I’d need to pay a higher percentage but I refused. I said she can’t just stop full-time work and expect me to pay her bills.
I mentioned if she goes to part-time she will still have to pay her half of the rent and bills. She said she wouldn’t be able to afford it so I just said that she can’t afford to go three days a week then.
She said I should be open to discussing it but I just reiterated that the rent and bills split isn’t up for discussion just because she wants to work less.
She said I was being unfair and she was doing it so she doesn’t end up off work sick anymore but I just said she can do it if she wants but she’ll still have the same bills to pay.
She said I was uncaring and should want to support her.
AITJ for refusing to change how bills are split?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She doesn’t want to work full-time. Work might give her stress. Doesn’t that apply to most working adults? She’s only your partner and she’s already looking for you to financially subsidize her while she has all options open to her, enabled by your safety net.
Of course, you working full-time to pay for this means no such options or freedom for you — no optimizing and balancing of your life satisfaction and stress levels. In one way it’s a good thing this came up early. You get to see her mindset.
I doubt it would change — only intensify.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This would make some sense if you were engaged and married, and had some sort of of financial agreement. But basically, from your point of view, she is asking you to pay more so she can do more in her personal life.
When in reality, you should do whatever you are able to do financially and time-wise. She could have offered to pay more once she’s done with the university to pay you back, but she just offered that you would pay up her education bills to show you “care” (although caring is bidirectional – she should show you she is caring about you too by offering to pay you back once she’s done).
Something doesn’t add up though – if she is finally in a job she likes, does she understand the consequences of going from FT to PT? Most times this is irreversible and she might lose her dream job.” edebby
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not in the principle of not wanting to do percentage-based bills split, I think, but in how you handled the discussion itself.
You just shut it down like a parent to a badly behaving kid, rather than actually sitting down and empathizing with her concerns and making an attempt to discuss how you two could make a compromise work. Maybe you two can reduce your overall spending a bit and she can work four days a week and take on an extra percentage of chores and that would be “fair”, whatever.
But just shutting it down instead of even making an attempt to discuss it like partners is a jerk move. Even if you sat down and talked expenses and options and the final conclusion was “I don’t think there’s a way we can make this work,” the fact that you’d given the concern a real talk and consideration would have been way more respectful.” Kittenn1412
12. AITJ For Locking Out My Forgetful Roommate During Finals Week?
“I am a 21-year-old college student.
I live in a dorm with a 19-year-old roommate. This week is finals week, and my roommate has forgotten her key every day this week. I cannot sleep with the door unlocked so every time she comes back late I end up staying up. She has forgotten her key multiple times this semester, but this week has been the worst.
Yesterday she came back in the middle of the day and rooted around her side of the room, then she left. Around 9 pm I decided to go to bed, I checked outside the room to see if she was around, because she had left her key in the room when she was sitting outside the room.
She is not there so I assume that she grabbed her key and went out with friends. I locked the door and went to sleep.
This morning I find out that she did not grab her key and came back in the middle of the night and called public safety to unlock the door.
She has my number she could have called me but didn’t. I have decided to just lock the door even if she doesn’t have her key, so I don’t sacrifice my sleep for her. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Have a conversation with her about it though.
She’s old enough to try to remember grabbing her key before she leaves. Once in a blue moon if she forgets, that can be excusable and would make you the jerk. Since it’s every day, as I said NTJ. She’s gonna learn to remember to grab her key the hard way.” Miserable_Square_964
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’ll never learn if she doesn’t suffer the consequences of her actions. By the way, keep your phone on silent when you’re sleeping. Only specific people, like family, should have the privilege of reaching you whenever. A roommate who has chosen not to remember her key doesn’t qualify.” ApprehensiveBook4214
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you don’t communicate and make a whole bunch of assumptions. Let her call security if she needs to be let in. She didn’t call because she didn’t want to wake you up. That’s being considerate. You also don’t need to stay awake for her, you’re not her mom and her actions have consequences.
You’re being nice, but she’s an adult and you need to lock the door.” vt2022cam
11. AITJ For Disinviting My Partner's Sister From Christmas Over A Piercing Argument?
“I am 26F. My partner of 3 years is Alex (28).
His sister Sally is also 26.
Alex and I recently moved in together so we thought it would be good to host Christmas there as a housewarming. All those invited were Alex’s parents, Sally, my parents, my brother, my brother’s wife and my two nieces.
Sally’s best friend Mary was also going to come by for a while as her family lives quite far away and I’ve met and hung out with Mary a few times.
Anyway, Sally and I had a stupid argument. We both have tattoos and piercings.
I also have stretched ears and no longer wear them. I like a lot of metal and rock music, but I no longer dress as gothic or dark as I used to. Sally is quite gothic and has numerous facial and ear piercings. I used to have the same but took them all out a couple of years ago but recently put my nose ring back in.
I have a single piercing but put a ring in that is a double ring but on one piercing if that makes sense. I just really liked the look of it and thought it suited me.
Sally on the other hand has two proper nose piercings, both rings in one nostril.
When I met up with her, she noticed my piercing and asked if I got a new one and I said no. She then got really weird and quite mean by stating and I quote ‘why the heck are you wearing a fake double nose ring being a poser.
I ACTUALLY (she emphasized the word) went and got it done properly.’ She said some other comments saying it really didn’t suit me and I’d be better going back to being a ‘pretend happy person.’
It actually really hurt my feelings and I don’t know where it came from.
It was like she was gatekeeping a certain way of looking. She has made some jokes before about me dressing in colour etc. rather than all black and still liking metal and said before that I ‘don’t fit into the metal group’. The last comment also felt like a dig at my mental health.
Putting my nose piercing back in actually boosted my self-esteem as I’ve struggled to accept how I look due to severe depression. When I went back home, I told Alex what happened and he called Sally and she tried to play the whole thing off as a joke and said it’s not her fault I’m too weak to handle sarcasm.
She then kept laughing about it and didn’t even attempt to apologize.
I’ve decided I no longer want Sally over for Christmas if all she wants to do is humiliate me and Alex agrees. He texted saying she is no longer welcome if she is just going to be like that and things went through the roof.
She has thrown a colossal temper tantrum saying we are targeting and excluding her yet she hasn’t once offered an apology. I told my in-laws about it and they seem to think I should be the bigger person and say I probably took the comments the wrong way (I didn’t).
They say I’m causing unnecessary drama and that Christmas is for family. My family is on my side saying what’s the point in inviting someone over who can cruelly mock my appearance and try to pass it off as a joke. My family also mentioned a good point that my ILs didn’t, Sally made a cruel comment about my mental health.”
Another User Comments:
“Wait til she discovers that as we get older, our bands have earlier shows! And some of us show up right after work wearing all kinds of non-metal things! Band T’s under cardigans and dress shirts – oh no! Sacre bleu, we’re all poseurs now!
Sally. No. This is 8th-grade fashion policing. I believe it was Latrice Royale of Drag Race fame who said it first, but: “The five G’s: Good God, girl, get a grip!” NTJ, I hope you have a wonderful drama-free Christmas, listen to whatever music you love, and rock whatever piercings and tattoos YOU want.” steak_dilemma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your identity is not “metal fan”, your identity is you. You dress and present yourself accordingly. The fact that she is gatekeeping piercings is really bizarre. At 13 this would be considered cringey, at 26 it’s just… pathetic? Nose rings aren’t even exclusive to a music genre or even a certain culture.
It’s jewelry! You should wear whatever clothing, jewelry, and anything else that makes you feel good, and like yourself. If she cannot apologize, no one has any right to demand she be invited to your event. If she apologizes and then at Christmas causes drama or is rude to you, kick her out!
I bet if you had insulted her or their parents, you wouldn’t be welcome at the in-laws’ place.” anOddPhish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I just want to correct one thing. You and Sally didn’t have a ‘stupid argument’. YOU didn’t argue about anything. She, unprovoked, personally attacked you, sneered, mocked, and insulted you.
And used your mental health as a weapon (possibly – you may be a bit touchy about that bit, but I wasn’t there and I don’t know you and Sally’s history). Then when confronted she minimized, deflected, blamed, and insulted you some more. And then had a temper tantrum when held to account.
Doesn’t sound like you are overreacting. Then the outlaws used all of the tired old tropes ‘you took it the wrong way’, be the bigger person, causing unnecessary drama, faaaaaaamily. (how many of these posts have the same defense of the bully!!!!!) Instead, be the stronger, self-actualized person who stands up for themselves, calls out bad behavior, and removes it from their lives.
Alex has your back – sounds like a good guy. I’m sure if you discuss it with him this isn’t a new pattern. You probably need to have a conversation with Alex and say to his parents Sally isn’t invited, her behavior was unacceptable. If they want to continue arguing about it they are welcome to not come as well.
Enjoy Christmas and your housewarming with people who love and respect you, and help to nurture you. You know who those people are!” blueflash775
10. AITJ For Choosing To Help My Friends Over Spending More Time With My Family During The Holidays?
“This holiday season, two of my friends asked for my help to take care of their house and dog since they’re both from out of town and will be away. My partner (26) is on board with staying at their house during this time and visiting our families for Christmas and New Year’s, as we had planned.
My friends treat their dog like their child, and she has very specific needs — she can’t be left alone for long periods of time. My parents, however, aren’t happy about me helping them out, even though I would still see my family on the holidays and would visit them for several days.
They’ve started making comments as if I’m giving my friends more importance than them. They’ve even said things like, “It’s just a dog, it’s not worth staying overnight to take care of her.”
After that conversation, they began brainstorming gifts for my brother’s dog, who is also treated like a daughter by him and his partner, in a loving and affectionate way.
Then, my parents warned me to be careful with my relationship and not to “expand the family” during the holidays. My partner and I are responsible, despite what they think, and we always use protection. They assume we’re being reckless, but we’ve been together for 9 years and don’t have children yet.
So, am I the bad one for deciding to support my friends?”
Another User Comments:
“Your parents seem a tad unhinged. The plan was to see you over the holidays, but less than they want, and they think that harassing, insulting, and manipulating you with guilt trips will convince you to spend more time with them?
You are I assume in roughly your mid-twenties like your partner, but your parents are trying to dictate your reproductive plans, and apropos of nothing? Your parents at present seem more affectionate towards your brother’s dog than you? Why are you spending time with these people at all?
I agree with the other commenter, put them on time-out for this year’s holiday and do your own thing. You are fully-fledged adults who can make your own plans, and if they don’t like your plans, they don’t have to be a part of them.
To be clear, it’s one thing for parents to be disappointed and maybe even express a little disappointment at seeing their adult child less than they’d like. That’s pretty normal and understandable. But your parents’ reaction is manipulative, controlling, and toxic. You don’t need to put up with it; you can and deserve to live your adult lives the way you want to.” oliviamrow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel like there have been a lot of these “My parents expect me to make them my priority” posts from people in their 20s and 30s lately, and like…Gen X, are you ok? I know your parents made you grow up way too fast by totally neglecting you, but that doesn’t mean you have to do the exact opposite to your kids and make them miserable by not letting them grow up at all.
So let me get this straight – your parents decided FOR YOU that you will be staying at their house overnight, and then started talking about how they’ve decided what your relationship schedule can be? They need to take several seats. This is none of their business, and it is NOT okay for them to be acting like this.
You make your decisions for when you see them, how long you stay there, and what your sleeping arrangements are. And yes, you do get to decide when and how you get to be intimate when you’re in your mid-twenties – this really REALLY shouldn’t have to be said.
Your parents have less than zero boundaries, and you NEED to put your walls up. If you cave at all now, this will start to become an entrenched pattern for your entire adulthood.” ThePhilV
Another User Comments:
“Children grow away from their parents. It’s only natural. We as parents need to be better at letting our kids become independent.
It always sucks when my kids can’t be home for Christmas. But we manage and get to see them other times of the year. Just spend breakfast or dinner with your folks. That’s really all that’s necessary.” fhornung
9. AITJ For Not Informing My Brother About His Son's Visit To My Place?
“My brother and his soon-to-be ex-wife split at the beginning of this year after almost 4 years of marriage.
Both were at fault.
My brother did take his son during weekends until October and then stopped for no reason.
As my sister-in-law and nephew do live further away we don’t see them often. So when my brother stopped picking up his now 4-year-old we didn’t see them at all.
During my nephew’s birthday last month, we agreed with my sister-in-law, that she’ll come around with her son.
It took a while and we did meet up today.
My brother saw my sister-in-law’s car in our town and figured she might come visit me and started texting her and me and even followed her to my place.
He did come in and stayed for about 20 minutes before leaving without a goodbye but told our mum, who came to see her grandson, that he was hurt he wasn’t told.
Here’s where I might have been the jerk because my brother asked why I didn’t tell him because he would like to see his son too.
I responded that he should take action himself, which he hadn’t done for the past 13 weeks.
For clarification: His soon-to-be ex-wife doesn’t prevent visits or pickups. She just wants to know ahead of time but he has the habit of just showing up unannounced.
For context: my brother is 6 years older than me and we never got along.
He visits me just if he needs something from me but our sister and our mother he does visit regularly.
So, AITJ for not telling my brother his son will visit me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he’s hurt that there’s nobody doing HIS JOB of facilitating visits with his child, and he wants to freeload off of the emotional labor you’re doing to keep in touch and coordinate visits with your nephew.
That’s literally what this is. He’s all peachy if he gets to see his son and benefit from being an “engaged father” without doing any of the work to actually engage.” KBD_in_PDX
Another User Comments:
“So let me get this straight. Your brother won’t tell his ex-wife ahead of time when he would like to visit his son, but he expects YOU to tell him when his ex-wife plans a visit for your nephew?
Make it make sense. I say, what’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. It sounds like he didn’t stop seeing his son for “no reason”, he stopped because he was trying to use his visits to control his ex’s life by dropping by with no schedule or advance notice, and expected their lives to stop while she packed a bag with her son’s needed supplies (I bet he doesn’t have his own) and canceled any plans that involved other kids or activities.
Seeing her car and following it to your house is stalker stuff If your sister-in-law is willing to take advice, she needs to go to court and get visitation court ordered and get child support as well.” Constant_Host_3212
Another User Comments:
“Hmmmm this is tricky.
I think you have to be careful not to get into the middle of the relationship with your brother and sister-in-law or even your brother and his son. If you want to arrange visits and maintain a relationship with your nephew then do so. Don’t get into the gossip of who visits, pays child support, etc. It does sound like you’re punishing your brother for being lazy and not wanting to share your time with your nephew with his father.
This is where I’m conflicted.” Firm-Molasses-4913
8. AITJ For Turning The Thermostat Up To 60 Degrees?
“I (41F) came home from work this morning and it was only 59 degrees inside the house, so I turned the thermostat on and set it to 60 degrees to try to take the edge of the cold off a bit.
I hadn’t been feeling well and I’d worked the last couple of nights, so it felt especially cold when I walked in. I took care of chores and then went to sleep.
When my husband (42M) noticed that the heater was on when he got home, he asked me why I did that.
I replied that it was cold when I got home. This evolved into an argument when he accused me of being entitled for turning the heater on and that I shouldn’t have touched it because he pays for the utilities. He said I was inconsiderate.
I tried to apologize immediately and promised that I wouldn’t touch the thermostat again, but he continued to berate me and call me entitled.
Was I the jerk for turning the thermostat to 60? I just felt so cold even with sweats and robes. I know he does pay for the electric bill, but his reaction seemed excessive.
I wasn’t trying to waste his money. I only set it to 60 in the first place because I know he is frugal, and I didn’t want to upset him.
We both work full-time, and we split the bills. I pay for the mortgage, our vacations, and pet insurance.
He pays for our utilities (electric/solar, gas, trash/sewer, cable- I may be forgetting something). We both split food and vet costs, and we pay for our car payments, car insurance, health insurance, and personal costs out of our individual accounts. I have never tried to nickel and dime him about the things I pay for that are for him.
Am I missing something?
I don’t know. He is giving me the silent treatment right now, so I certainly feel like a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It feels like there is so much more wrapped into this story. My guess is, you’re paying significantly more of the monthly bills just based on the list of things each of you is paying for.
The mortgage usually dwarfs all the utility costs. And maybe you do that because you make more than him. But, I also doubt that (on no actual information to suggest it). If you want him to panic, I’d suggest just splitting the bills equally. Every month you get the bills, sit down, and split them in half.
Each of you pays that amount into a new joint account in which the bills are paid automatically. That way, there can be no arguing about, “I pay for that”. It becomes an argument of “we both pay for that”. If you do that, my guess is, your vacations will be a lot more ‘budget’.
Money problems are the hardest to talk through. But, putting myself in his place, because I am pretty frugal as well, if you’re able to show him you’ve been paying a significantly larger portion of the budget than he is, maybe he’ll come around to see your side of it.
Lots of assumptions in this, but NTJ still stands regardless of how much each pays towards the monthly bills.” CapitalInstance4315
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, of course keeping things below 60 degrees is unreasonable, and if you aren’t allowed to use the utilities he is paying for then he shouldn’t be allowed to use the house you are paying for.
And even if it were something where you were 100% wrong (like turning up the heat with the window open) the way he is treating you would still be unacceptable. I suggest you reevaluate the finances. For most families, the mortgage is a lot more expensive than the utilities.
It is unfair that you pay more and still have no say in the heat. Maybe suggest you switch responsibilities, then you can keep it as warm as you want and you will be paying for it so he will have no reason to complain.
You could do the more fair thing and split all the shared expenses based on income, but then he would still complain about the heat.” TheWoman2
Another User Comments:
“As an Europeasant I had to google what 60 is in Celcius…IT’S EFFING 15 DEGREES. What the actual heck…Does he want the house to mold away under his frugal behind?
His reaction is so way over the top I would have set the temp to somewhere in the 20 degrees/70F to set his behind on flames. I would so sit down and rearrange the bills and everything. He is taking advantage of you and you are being his doormat.
I would end a relationship if someone would tell me to keep my home at 15 degrees during winter. Are you even allowed to shower with actual hot water? NTJ but I would take a hard look at this relationship.” toffifeeandcoffee
7. AITJ For Accidentally Ruining My Ex's Reputation With Our Mutual Relatives?
“Almost 2 years ago, I (34M), was tired of seeing people; so I asked my parents to arrange some meetings with prospective women.
(Basically an arranged marriage).
And that’s how I met E. E was very kind, funny, and smart, so after two meetings, when we sat down to discuss what we wanted in marriage, I thought that she was the woman of my dreams. Sadly, we were not compatible, mainly because I wanted to keep living with my parents (I am an only child), and she didn’t.
We had a very cordial separation.
(Just to avoid people asking this in the comments, we will not be living in the same house per se, more like a separate house in the same plot, so we can have privacy so that I can take care of my parents in the future since they are still young and active at the moment.)
Fast forward about 3 months, and I met my current fiancée, M. We were very compatible, so we got engaged very fast. And we fell in love during our more than a-year-long engagement.
Last month, we finally set the wedding date, so we had a party, and I got to meet her extended family.
It turned out that E is M’s distant cousin (E’s uncle is married to M’s father’s cousin). Which was no issue for me, I just thought that it was a funny coincidence.
What I didn’t know was that, after I told M about the reason it didn’t work with E (months ago, before I knew they were related), M told her mother, sister, and close cousins.
And when it became obvious that it was their cousin, everyone shamed her. Not because she didn’t want to live with her in-laws, but because she created problems between her brother and SIL, because her SIL refused to live with E’s parents.
Now, I didn’t know anything about this, until I received a very scathing voicemail from E, screaming at me for gossiping about her, and for ruining her reputation in the family.
She said that I was a jerk for even trying to paint her in a bad light after we parted ways. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife’s family are all mean gossipy jerks, and SiL is definitely right not to want to live with them, even if she would be ok living with some other in-laws.
You, on the other hand, were just trying to be upfront with your new wife. While obviously not all details should be shared with her, something like “yes, E and I met, but we broke up over some basic incompatibilities,” was a reasonable thing to tell her.
You didn’t know how awful they all were, or that your new wife would spread discord the way they did. I would have a serious talk with your wife and tell her that she violated your trust by gossiping about private information you shared with her, and that makes you not feel like you can’t talk to her freely, because you can’t trust her.” Basic-Regret-6263
Another User Comments:
“Okay, to confirm I understand: When you and E first met as a potential couple, you parted ways cordially because you wanted to share a multi-generational home with your parents. This is culturally normal for your community, but she wasn’t interested. No drama or conflict was involved at the time.
Your parents then introduced you to M, with whom you are compatible. You did not know she was related to E. As part of the marriage negotiations, you shared with M’s family that E didn’t want to live with your parents to assuage your future MIL’s concerns.
Separately, E harassed her SIL because said SIL didn’t want to live with E’s parents. E’s hypocrisy has now been outed to her family and is causing problems. None of this has anything to do with you. You respected E’s life plan wasn’t compatible with your own, and at no point did you agree to keep that a secret.
You did not spread gossip for the sake of it, nor did you deceive anyone about what has happened. I say you’re NTJ, and I suggest you and M keep out of whatever problems E is dealing with.” theabsolutegayest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I suspect if she weren’t getting scolded by the family she would realize this was a bad coincidence and not you coming after her.
It is unfortunate in terms of the trouble it’s reopened but these things happen because the communities are so interconnected. When I went through this matchmaking process, my biggest barrier was actually that I couldn’t be honest. I couldn’t say that I’m not religious because if they told the aunt who introduced us, I’m in trouble.
I couldn’t dress how I would normally dress because if they reported it back to their brother and he told his cousin or others, again, I’d be in trouble. I couldn’t say that I have no problem with booze because if that guy said anything, no one, even the ones whose sons drink, would set me up again and while I didn’t care, my parents would be miserable.
My mom couldn’t tell a guy’s mom why we didn’t want to get married (he had a secret partner of 5 years who contacted my family to give us a heads up) because if she had told her the truth, it would have caused him and his family a world of trouble and embarrassment.
In a culture that imposes such harsh judgment on everyone and the consequences to women are 10x worse than what happens to men (if anything at all!), I have always operated under a principle that I don’t tell anyone about those guys if there is a chance they know him and I definitely never tell anyone in the community anything about women unless it makes them sound like an angel.
It’s just a bad system for everyone except the judgmental old people.” SnooPets8873
6. AITJ For Reporting My Roommate's Parking Habit Which Led To Her Car Getting Towed?
“I (23f) have three roommates: Sarah (22f), Jenny (24f), and Lucy (20f). Our apartment complex has a really bad parking situation at the moment. We used to have two garages (the main deck, which was bigger, and the second deck, which is smaller) we could park in.
Currently, the main deck is under construction, so the only option is to park on the second deck or to park in a different parking two blocks away. (The lot is owned by the same people who own our apartment) When we moved in, we all paid for parking.
I paid extra to have the last spot so I didn’t have to call people to move their cars when I got home.
Since the main deck is closed, we have to park in an odd arrangement. We have four spots designated for our apartment.
The only issue is the first two spots get blocked in by the second two spots.
We had a system that worked perfectly for a couple of weeks. Since Jenny and I often left the earliest and came home the latest, Sarah and Lucy would park in the first two spots, and we would park behind them.
Recently, Lucy has started parking in my spot instead of pulling forward to her spot. This meant I would often get home from a long day of work or school and have to either call Lucy to come down and move her car, or I would have to park two blocks away and walk back home.
I confronted Lucy about this many times, and she always used the same excuses that she was tired, busy, had somewhere to go later, etc. I have emphasized to her many times that I currently work two jobs, one of which I don’t get home until very late, and that I need to be able to park at the apartment.
She just apologizes and promises to remember.
Well, she hasn’t it’s been going on for months now. Lucy recently went home for Thanksgiving and left her car parked in my spot for a week and a half. I got fed up with it and decided to go speak to our complex manager.
She was super sweet and said she would immediately deal with the issue since multiple other people had complained about Lucy already.
Well, the complex manager towed Lucy’s car and revoked her parking pass for the building. Since she wasn’t following the rules (parking in her own designated spot, and I guess she was parking in handicapped spots and guest spots without a pass) and because she hadn’t paid to park for that month.
Lucy came back and was furious with me for reporting her. She was screaming and calling me a jerk. And saying I was intentionally trying to ruin her life and get her evicted or kicked out of college. I apologized and said I didn’t know they would tow her, but she didn’t care and is now telling everyone how much of a jerk I am.
Jenny and Sarah agree with me that I did the right thing by reporting her. A couple of our other friends agree with me, too. But Lucy and a few others think I took it too far and are a major jerk for this. Am I the jerk for getting my roommate’s car towed?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lucy has shown zero regard for you. Especially by leaving her car parked in your spot for 10 days! That’s ridiculous. Frankly, if I left my car for 10 days I would 100% have LEFT MY KEYS WITH MY ROOMMATES. Personally, I would harden up and get Jenny and Sarah to agree.
Lucy needs to leave a spare set of keys in the apartment any time she doesn’t park in her own spot, AT MINIMUM.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The reason she kept doing it and didn’t think it was a big deal is because she wasn’t the one being inconvenienced. Now she is and it’s due to her own actions.
You are also not to blame for this, it sounds like other occupants have made complaints about her along with her misusing disabled spaces and crucially, had not even paid for her parking for that month. That alone justifies the tow but the rest is just the consequences of her own actions.
Time for her to learn that she’s not the main character, and just because she’s tired/busy/having a bad day, does not entitle her to make life harder for those around her. She’s only 20 so she’s going to have to start learning this soon and how to deal with others in a respectful manner, consider yourself as contributing to her education.” Binky_kitty
Another User Comments:
“Lucy sounds like an entitled mess. I’m wondering if she parked in your spot (also) because she had not paid for her spot. She was using your paid spot and letting you walk 2 blocks because she didn’t pay for hers. Otherwise, her logic makes no sense.
Was tired? Makes no sense. Forgot? Makes no sense. Had somewhere to go later? Easy problem to solve. It makes zero sense to block a parking spot (other than if that spot wasn’t paid for, which it wasn’t) I say this because it was intentional. She is getting the benefit of the doubt that it was an oopsie (over and over and over for months?) when it seems like it was very conscious, if not intentional. If some of her friends like to let her play the victim, fine.
Sounds like you and your roommates (aside from Lucy) are on the same page. Lucy has never faced the consequences of her own actions and it shows. Stand strong and Lucy will likely move out soon or need to be kicked out.” Salt_Interaction_0
5. AITJ For Not Communicating While Driving My Stepchildren In Heavy Traffic?
“I (36m) have been in a relationship with my partner (37m) for going on 3 years. He has two young school-age children from his first marriage.
We live in a city that is notoriously bad to drive in/difficult traffic-wise. I’m not from this city nor even from the US.
I do have a vehicle but am not practiced at driving it. My partner and I met living in the UK (where I’m from) but I moved here so as to make our lives easier with the children.
The situation today:
He had to leave for a work-related trip on the last day of his visitation with the kids (today).
His ex-wife texted me and said “Partner says you have a car and your office is pretty close to the kids’ school. Can you pick them up and bring them to my office to do the custody exchange”. I conferred with my partner and he said this would be okay.
Unbeknownst to me at this time, her office is 10 miles away from the kids’ school.
School let out at 3.45, children are poky and there was a bit of confusion about the entire pickup situation on the whole on my part so we left the school around 4.15.
I texted her that I was leaving the school and then fell silent as I was driving, am not terribly familiar with the landscape via car, and there were small children in the back seat.
Due to several unfortunate events like road closures, accidents, and so forth, it ended up taking ninety minutes to drive there.
In the end, she was quite upset and said I was a jerk for not communicating and that I could’ve kidnapped them or held them hostage and she’d have never known. Even my partner agreed I should’ve reached out, but ultimately I was driving very nervously and didn’t even want to look at the screen to use carplay.
So AITJ for running behind and not communicating because I was driving?
Just for clarity’s sake, we live in New York City.”
Another User Comments:
“My view ENTIRELY changed on this as soon as you said NYC. NTJ NTJ NTJ NTJ. As someone who is very comfortable driving and has been to NYC often, you couldn’t pay me to drive through it.
Especially because 10 miles is LONG in NYC. Of course it took you 90 mins if you’re driving through NYC as a nervous driver. I wouldn’t look down at my CarPlay either, I’d be convinced I’d hit a pedestrian/biker the second I did.” Just-lurking-1122
Another User Comments:
“INFO: how long was the drive supposed to take? If it was supposed to be a 15-minute drive, then I can imagine why the mom would be freaked out when it took 90. If this is the case, I’d say no jerks here.
You’re not a jerk since you were doing your best, and driving clearly makes you very nervous. I can’t fault you too much for forgetting to check in considering the circumstances. I also wouldn’t call the mom a jerk for being scared when the kids were very late and you were unreachable.
I do think her comments about kidnapping were unnecessary though. In the future, you can always pull over and send a quick message rather than use carplay.” peggingpinhead
Another User Comments:
“This seems like a no jerks here. There are reasons why you were late, you were trying to do a nice thing.
But you were still substantially late – taking more than 1.5x it should have – and the kids didn’t get home until dinner time, which also isn’t good for them. It is completely understandable why she’s upset that you didn’t contact her, or pull over to send a text with a new ETA, or anything like that.
It’s also understandable why you didn’t think of that. It is reasonable for her to be upset and frustrated at the situation even though you did the best you could. It also seems reasonable that in the future you say “no, I don’t know the route and can’t pick them up for you, sorry.”” StripedBadger
4. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister's Untrained Puppy Around My Reactive Dog During The Holidays?
“My family decided they wanted me to host the holiday at my house this year. My sister who lives a few hours away didn’t concretely confirm until a few days ago, and she assumed her new puppy who is NOT house trained was welcome.
I went along with it until I talked to my dog trainer who cited major safety concerns.
I have two large dogs, and one is extremely reactive after being attacked by a stray years ago. My reactive pup only gets along with his bonded sibling, and they still require strict supervision due to his reactivity and resource-guarding behaviors.
My sister knows my dog’s reactive history, and she also used to have a reactive dog and had rules about not having other dogs in her home.
I recently had a dog training session with a trainer who has been helping my pup manage increased stress and reactivity over the last year as we just moved to a new place, and some worrisome behaviors have unfortunately resurfaced due to increased stress.
I mentioned my sister wanting to bring her puppy. The dog trainer said absolutely not due to the likely dangerous situation that would ensue and that it would set back my dog’s progress substantially by forcing another dog (who I have not even met) into our space.
She said if the puppy for some reason has to come the dogs should never even see each other and need to be kept completely separate for safety.
After learning this, I reached out and apologized in text and on a call to my sister for the change of plans given this recent info.
I explained I needed to ensure the well-being of my dog and the safety of hers. I suggested a dog sitter or an Airbnb. She refused both options citing not wanting to spend money on an Airbnb or leaving the puppy alone with a sitter on the puppy’s first Christmas (some context: she just got back from a vacation last week and is in a very high-income household).
My third solution was to offer my finished basement with a private entrance to a fenced yard, and I would keep my dog upstairs so there was zero dog interaction as recommended by a professional dog trainer. She refused this option citing how this was a waste of her time to come and hide her dog in a basement and “sneak” the dog through a separate door.
Additional context: she keeps the puppy downstairs in her house while she is working, sleeping, etc. on the upper house level.
I’ve been told by her and some other family members that I put her in a difficult place, am inconveniencing her “last minute” with only 3 weeks before the holiday, that my boundaries are not real boundaries and I’m just being difficult, and need to let her do what she wants, I’m being a bad host, and my sister says she is being the rational one.
After hearing this parade of excuses, I emotionally uninvited her and my other family members who said these things. AITJ for setting these rules in my own home to ensure the safety of our dogs? AITJ for telling them to plan their own holiday at their homes given they refuse to abide by these rules?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you even state she had a reactive dog and had similar rules to keep other dogs out of her home. Time for her to respect you asking for the same thing for your dog. Don’t let anyone guilt you. You don’t want your dog going backward in progress.
She of all people should know better. And it’s on her for assuming her not house-trained dog was automatically welcome. You know what they say, assuming makes a jerk out of you and me. Hold your ground and do what you need for your dog and everyone else’s safety.” Beginning_Flower_390
Another User Comments:
“Lots of problems here: 1. “My family decided they wanted me to host.” That’s not how this works. The host (you) decides to host and who to invite. 2. “I’ve been told by her and some other family members that I put her in a difficult place, am inconveniencing her ‘last minute’ with only 3 weeks before the holiday.” NO NO NO NO!
SHE IS INCONVENIENCING YOU. She should have said she wanted to bring him from the start. Also, 3 weeks is not last minute, 3 days is last minute. 3. “My boundaries are not real boundaries”. The definition of a boundary: the rules and limits of what is or is not acceptable in a given situation.
Having control over what people and pets are allowed in your home is indeed the most basic of boundaries, and one nearly everyone but your manipulative jerk of a family respect. Normal people don’t bring their dogs to other people’s homes without asking – I say this as a dog owner myself.
NTJ.” dog_nurse_5683
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As an owner of a reactive dog who only gets along with our other in-house dog, put your foot down. Tell your sister her options are to leave the puppy at home, or to stay at home with the puppy but either way, the puppy is not welcome in your home.
It is your home and you make the rules. If she shows up with the puppy, shut the door in her face/don’t allow her in with the puppy. Treat her like one of those idiots who walks their dogs off-leash and lets them run up to random dogs while shouting “don’t worry she’s friendly!” In my town, if you have a known reactive or aggressive dog and they bite someone/some animal, you are more likely to get higher fines or lose your dog even if they are provoked. Your sister’s puppy isn’t worth it.
Even having the puppy in the basement could set your dog back because they will smell another strange dog was in their territory. Tell her if she insists on having her puppy, then she is volunteering to host as you absolutely will not allow her puppy in your home.
Get the other family members to back you and put pressure on her to stop being so entitled and rude. I have a service dog, but he still stays home when I visit my brother because he’s requested that. It’s one of the rare times he doesn’t go somewhere with me, being a medical alert dog, but even I understand how rude it would be to insist he goes to the house of someone who doesn’t want him there, especially for a good reason.” NhiteBren
3. AITJ For Not Letting A Woman Cut In Line At The Grocery Store?
“My mom sent me to the grocery store 3 times today. I was just picking up two packs of beans on the last visit and was in a rush to get home since it was 7 pm.
While I was waiting for a self-checkout to open up someone who I guess was the woman’s ride came in to check up on her and then I guess she was in a bit of a rush because she came up behind me and tried to squeeze in front of me while saying “Excuse me.” I just ignored her and continued waiting but then she asked me if she could cut in front of me and she told me she had to pick up her son from a soccer game.
I thought it would be reasonable to say no and I explained I only had two items and that it wouldn’t take that long for her to wait since there were seven checkouts but then she started calling me a “heartless mean person” and that I don’t have the Christmas spirit and how I want her son to suffer in the cold and how people these days have no compassion.
She also started talking about her labor and contractions when she gave birth (which I don’t know how that has any relation to me.). Honestly, I was really uncomfortable. It wouldn’t be hard for me to just let her go, usually if someone were to ask and they had fewer items than me then of course but I felt like it wouldn’t make much of a difference in time, I only have two items, and also it’s -5 degrees outside and not even soccer season.
I don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s reasonable to say no. You were in the queue first, she’s trying to get in front…. no. Her reaction was so dramatic. I don’t know where the whole Christmas spirit and contractions came from, sounds like you might have been the straw that broke the camel’s back for her and that she took the opportunity to vent.
That’s not your fault though.” Rhiyxnnxh
Another User Comments:
“She should pick her son up first so he’s in proper weather and attire and then go to the store. Signed, a mother of four children living in a busy metro city. Always pick up your child so they’re safe.
There’s no reason to rush and treat people horribly because she planned poorly with time. She’s the one who left her kid in the cold and she’s the one with bad Christmas spirit bypassing as she’s manipulative and entitled. I hope you took your time swiping the card, bagging your groceries, and securing your receipt.” Amazing_Action9117
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have been the parent being in a rush to grab the kids. Being late is all on me as it was her fault, not yours, you not letting her walk over you is her time mismanagement. Honestly, I would have responded with a maybe you should manage your time better.
And just ignore her. She was being a B and not very Christmasy.” Whole_Two924
2. AITJ For Not Allowing My Brother Over After He Insulted My Wife?
“My dad moved into our house because he’s disabled. My older brother stopped by one day right after Thanksgiving and my wife overheard them trash-talk her.
About the way she was dressed and how she’s “mean.” My brother has been banned from the house since and my dad had a serious conversation about not gossiping about my household with family members or he will be on the street.
My wife is still semi-livid at my father for saying those things so she refuses to interact with him or cook for him.
(He complained about her cooking and why she was mean and she told my dad “that’s the food I made eat it or starve.”) My dad has never cooked or cleaned for himself. My wife does call him pathetic but that’s because my dad is.
For Christmas, my brother still isn’t allowed over and my wife is barely on speaking terms with my dad. I won’t intercede for him or make him special food he likes. His disability doesn’t keep him from cooking for himself and he’s been bummed out.
I told him that is his own fault for never learning to take care of himself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Firstly you are a rare beast here, one who has his wife’s back. As you should. Talk about a choosing beggar. Your father who is being housed and taken care of has the cheek to treat your wife so badly.
Is your critical brother offering to put a roof over his head? If not he needs to be careful not to bite the hand which feeds him.” Individual_Metal_983
Another User Comments:
“I would be so tempted to pack up Dad’s things and drop him off at brother’s house, where the two of them can complain about your wife to their heart’s content, and your brother can take care of him.
Your wife is really in an untenable situation here, expected to wait on a man who treats her badly and creates tension and unpleasantness in her home. Is there an alternative living situation for your father? If I were you, I’d be looking for one, and looking hard.
NTJ.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I certainly wouldn’t let my sibling over if they had trash-talked about my spouse like that, especially when they were a guest in our home. As far as your father goes – he has learned an important lesson – where there is support, there is control.
The two of you opened your doors to your house to let him stay there and he repaid your kindness by insulting her. Now he’s got to learn the price for what he did. Seriously, he’s an adult and he is acting like a child.
Your father has made himself dependent on other people for his whole life, but it sounds like he tries to make himself feel superior to them by putting them down. I think you are doing the right thing by not interceding and by telling him that this is all his fault.
Your father, first of all, should grow up and apologize.” bamf1701
1. AITJ For Not Owning A Coffee Maker For My Infrequent Guests?
“My husband and I do not drink coffee. So we do not have a coffee maker or any coffee beans. He has a friend who lives hours away and he sees him in person once every year or two.
Usually, when he comes up, he brings his partner.
They stayed over for a few days last year. Before they came, I asked if they wanted any food or drinks to have in the house and I told them what we normally kept stocked in the house.
They didn’t make any requests.
The first morning the partner wanted coffee. I told her we did not have any way to make coffee here, but I could bring her to the coffee shop which was 2 minutes away. She declined but her mood seemed sour after that.
We hung out with other mutual friends for the day and I learned from one of them that she was really upset we didn’t have a way to make coffee at home because she needs it in the morning. Each morning I offered to bring her to the coffee shop and she always declined. I even offered it as my treat in case they didn’t have the funds.
She declined still.
Well, they came over again a year later. I still didn’t have a coffee maker because we don’t drink coffee. This time, she called me a bad host to my face because I had them over knowing she needs her coffee and I didn’t get anything to make coffee.
I am a people pleaser. And I go to huge lengths to make guests most comfortable. But I can’t justify having a coffee maker we don’t use for maybe a once-per-year guest. I don’t have the storage space for it.
I talked to people about it and some think I was right, we don’t drink coffee, we don’t have it.
But a lot of others think that if you ever have guests, you should have coffee available. And this makes me think of my mom and grandma who always had coffee ready within minutes of guests arriving, expected or not. So this skews my view.
AITJ for not having a coffee maker and coffee beans when I knew a guest who needs coffee comes to stay at my house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I visit a relative a couple of times a year. I asked if they minded, then picked up a cheap $15 mini coffee maker & a can of coffee.
Told ’em to do what they wanted with the leftover coffee, and they just stick the coffee maker in an upper cupboard after we leave. If you were kind enough to offer to take her to a coffee shop each morning, her refusal is a her problem.
And knowing you didn’t have any, she could have brought instant the next time she visited but went with acting like you were a hotel. Which is exactly where they should stay next time they’re in town.” KrofftSurvivor
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re going to get a very individualist answer here.
And the answer is, no, you can’t be the jerk for not providing something you don’t drink. Which, fair enough, you aren’t really. But, you also aren’t a good host. There are lots of things I don’t like that I stock when people come over.
I don’t particularly like orange peco, but I always have it on hand. I don’t do anything with milk but I always make sure we have milk and cream on hand. We don’t drink pop but pick it up. I hate flat water but make sure it’s available.
I don’t have to have these things in my house for guests, but they’re small easy things to have in the house for guests. A tin of instant coffee or a pour-over is not going to take up very much space (and I say that as someone with a galley kitchen with very little space).
Again, you don’t have to do anything, the answer is right. But it also doesn’t make you a good host. Which, you might be fine with, I don’t know you, and that’s valid if that’s how you feel.” barrie247
