People Beg For The Truth In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
30. AITJ For Not Babysitting My Cousins?
“I’m 29 and my cousin is 28, our birthdays are 1 day and a year apart so we’ve always been really close.
We both have two kids under the age of 8 and we often watch them for each other.
I 80% of the time say yes, with or without being paid. She says no most of the time, and either wants to be paid, or won’t do it for more than an hour.
I’ve always been the one to help people out even if it inconveniences me because that’s just the way I am but I’m starting to feel taken advantage of.
She recently broke her hand (non-dominant hand) and when I asked if she could bring me to my child’s dentist appointment she said no because her hand was hurting her and she couldn’t drive. I guess I can understand but on the other hand I would have done it for her no questions asked.
Anyways, she asked if I would watch her kids the other day so she could go somewhere.
Before I replied to her I thought about how she supposedly couldn’t drive because of her hand and I thought, why can you drive now but couldn’t when I needed help?
I told her not unless she could pay me $10 and explained to her I’ve been feeling like people have been taking advantage of me lately and I don’t want to allow that anymore.
She yelled at me and told me, I have no money I haven’t been working lately because I broke my hand and you know that so why would you ask me to pay you.
I kind of feel bad because I know she’s been out of work but like I said, I don’t want to keep feeling the way I do, giving 80% of the time and only receiving 50%.
Am I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s a hard place to be thought because without sitting down and talking through it calmly your cousin will feel like it’s unfair that she is not getting things her usual way. Would try to sit her down and find out if she is the one driving or if she truly can drive.” Easy_Floss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re under no obligation to do anything for her. At all. When people start expecting favors and get angry when they aren’t provided it’s no longer a “favor.”” solidcordon
29. AITJ For Cutting Off My Sister After She Embezzled From My Partner's Business?
“I, a 26-year-old female, have a very tight bond with my sister, 28. We became best friends when we started working in the same company. I have had a partner for 9 years now.
I can say that they are not close because we tend to keep our relationship to ourselves and we’re mostly in a long-distance relationship. But then he moved to my city permanently just recently. He has a growing business and needs administrative staff. So I thought why not refer my sister, since she needed the extra cash for my family’s expenses.
She’s still unmarried but with a partner of more than a year by the way. So my partner agreed thinking it would be nice to hire a ‘family’, she got in. Her job for my partner includes handling funds and distributing salaries to other staff. It has been going really well at the beginning. She has been a big help to him.
However, when she decided to break up with her partner, that’s when it started to go downhill.
His then ex-partner confronted my partner, her boss, about all her antics and strategies. Apparently, she has been disputing the ledger to make it look like everything is in order and she was able to take home a percentage of the sales per week.
On top of that, she also sometimes uses some of the sales to pay for her groceries and her credit card bills. She was never without money, to the point that my parents wondered why.
When my partner told me everything I was flustered. He was so angry that he cut off my sister and my parents for taking my sister’s side.
It was after all for our future. I was so torn in the middle but I was mad and curious why she has to go to that extent, with her having a full-time job that should be enough to cover all her bills.
After that incident, I decided to not speak to her about anything personal and we only communicate casually for work matters or if my parents are involved. She now lives at my grandmother’s house.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hope your bf got a good forensic accountant to figure out exactly how much your sister stole and that he has filed a criminal complaint against her. He deserves restitution and your sister deserves a stint in the pokey. I do not understand what you mean when you wrote “It was after all for our future.” Please clarify.” lonnielee3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister deserves nothing from you. In fact she should be reported to the police. If she’s happy stealing from her family then she’d be likely to be even happier stealing from other nonrelated employers or colleagues. No one wants a thief in their workforce.” GreebosEyePatch
28. AITJ For Leaving A Family Dinner Because My Parents Only Praise My Brother's Cooking?
“My brother has had a lot of time for hobbies in recent years. Something he’s spent a lot of that time on is cooking. Now he IS a really good cook.
He and his husband have a decent-sized house so a lot of our routine family dinners are held at their place and my brother volunteers to cook most of the time.
When he does, without fail as soon as our parents come through the door or we do, it’s always “Smells really good in here doesn’t it?” “You were making me hungry from the street.” or things along those lines and they keep saying such things throughout our time there. At first I didn’t think one way or another about it, but we’re going on well over two years of this happening.
They never give compliments if I or our other siblings have them over. They didn’t say anything about the murals my brother and his wife painted on their walls, very big and hard to miss, until they pointed right at them and asked about it and all our parents said was ‘oh that’s nice’. Our sister is always making bath bombs and candles for her home business, so her place always smells nice too and they don’t say anything about that or encourage her.
They just don’t give any compliments or acknowledge anything about us, our hobbies, or our homes but they go overboard with our brother. It’s not like they neglected him as a kid and it’s some attempt to make up for it, they gave us all pretty equal attention and support growing up.
This last time having dinner at my brother’s house, I was telling my family about how excited I was for my fiance to be starting his dream job.
My siblings were happy for him but our parents didn’t say anything and went right back to singing their praises of the second coming of culinary Jesus and how he should start a food truck. I was pretty done at that and instead of being there in an irritated mood, I waited a few minutes and acted like I had gotten a text from a friend and had to go.
Said my byes and ‘loves yous’ and left. A little while later my mom called and asked what was wrong because my family had noticed my phone screen was dark when I pulled it out so they didn’t buy the text story. I told her I just didn’t have it in me to sit through another dinner where they forget they have 3 other children with things going on in their lives they’d like some acknowledgment from them over.
I’ve been at odds a bit with my parents and them telling me I’m being immature. My siblings found out why we’re currently fighting and our brother and his wife are in agreement with me and said they’ve been getting tired of it too. I’ve apologized to my brother, but not my parents.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t sound like you lashed out, you just exited a situation you’d seen before and that you knew would be unpleasant and unfair…you drew some boundaries. Maybe it was clunkily executed and now it’s brought the whole thing to light but ultimately that’s probably for the best, maybe it’ll open their eyes.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — It’s not fun to have to sit there and listen to the favorite child being praised to heaven even if it is unintentional, you have every right to be upset and angry about it.” ShaneVis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you stayed calm and make an exit without a scene. A petty thing to do would be next time you get together you and the other non-golden child keep going on and on about your in-laws.
Every time your parents talk about what they are doing interrupt with a story about how wonderful your in-laws are. Let them feel what you are feeling.” Crazybutnotlazy1983
27. AITJ For Bring Exotic Dishes To A Vegetarian Party?
“My sister and I recently hosted a lunch party for a little cousin get-together. We are all between 26 – 30, unmarried with no children. Three cousins told us they would have their partners with them, so that brought the total to 8 people.
We told everyone the food would be Asian-themed and to let us know of any food restrictions. Nobody has any food allergies but one cousin, Zach, told us that his partner Maria (27) is a vegetarian.
My sister and I made 8 dishes and put them in plates and bowls for everyone to serve themselves. For Maria, we made spinach curry and miso-glazed eggplants.
There was also steamed rice to go with the food. The other dishes had some kind of meat in them.
Everyone had a great time and Maria thanked us for the food though I noticed she ate very little. She had two large helpings of the store-bought ice cream we served as dessert though. Zach was not as talkative as usual but I didn’t think much of it.
Zach later called us that while we had so many meat dishes, he felt we did not accommodate Maria enough by providing only two vegetarian options. That was why she had so much ice cream because she was so hungry from not being able to eat our food. I told him if Maria was such a picky eater he could have told us what exactly she likes to eat, so we could cook exactly what pleased her, maybe a little too obvious I was being sarcastic.
Zach told us our food was too exotic and we should at least provide some fries which was what everyone could eat.
I don’t believe my sister and I were jerks at all. My sister, however, thought maybe Zach was right and we should have taken into account that some people don’t do well with exotic dishes.
Were we jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Two vegetarian dishes out of eight sounds perfectly fair (full disclosure—I’m vegetarian). And you told your cousin the food would be Asian-themed, so he was aware that the food would be at least slightly “exotic”—at least, that no *fries* would be available (there *was* steamed rice, which is vegetarian and not particularly “exotic”).
Your cousin is the one at fault (it sounds like Maria was perfectly polite about it).” SamSpayedPI
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You attempted to accommodate her. If she is not just a vegetarian but a picky vegetarian, she needs to bring her own food or at least make reasonable suggestions. It was an Asian-themed lunch, and you cannot be expected to provide French fries.
You all are adults, and it was an adult-only party. You are not obligated to have a “kid’s menu” for someone. If she doesn’t like Asian food, then she was welcome to decline the invite.” CielloGames
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you were nice and attentive enough to provide TWO vegetarian options. If she didn’t like them – that’s not your problem at all.
Your food sounded amazing and as a fellow veggie I’d have loved to have eaten it and even if it wasn’t to my liking, I’d have just eaten the ice cream and maybe had some snacks when I got home. The thought and time that went into it would’ve been more than enough!
I’d even go as far to say Maria should be apologizing to you that she didn’t eat much after you spent the time making two separate options primarily for her.” Evieneve1999
26. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner Name Our Baby?
“I am currently nearly full term (35 weeks) and the conversation of what to name our daughter has been brought up a few times this week and it’s always ended in an argument.
The name of our daughter was decided quite early on in my pregnancy and it was my partner’s idea for the name choice, she is being named after my partner’s friend who sadly passed away while serving in the British Army.
I wasn’t too sure on the name when I first heard it but it did grow on me after a few weeks and he also turned down every single name I mentioned, when I say close to 20 different names and he didn’t like any of them he was pretty much set on naming her after his late friend.
The idea of middle names got brought up and he straight away said that his mum would be happy if we gave her his mother’s middle name and I didn’t hate that idea but what I didn’t like is how he said it like he expected me to agree. I’ve never had an issue with his side of the family they are nice and friendly people very easy to get along with never had any issues, I told my partner that either I picked her middle name or she didn’t have one because he chose her first name, and also I’m not a huge fan of the middle name in question but that’s not the point.
He straight away turned it down and said his mum told him how happy she would be if our daughter got her middle name and I just don’t agree with that. I also gave him another opinion our daughter can have his mum’s middle name but she gets my last name and again he didn’t agree and then again I stated well she just doesn’t get one then if we cannot agree.
He said how his whole family has a tradition where everybody must have a middle name.
Am I being responsible with my arguments or am I not being responsible whatsoever?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- but your partner is. Sorry but he’s being totally unreasonable. This is your child too, who you are carrying and are going to have to birth.
(After my husband witnessed that he said I could have any names I wanted for the kids lol. I wanted him to pick too though so we decided together, but he never argued with me lol.) There’s no way he should pick TWO names you don’t want! The fact that he’s acting like this at all raises a lot of red flags.
I don’t think any reasonable person would try to force two names (well three including surname) on the other parent against their will! Again, NTJ but your partner is acting like one!” CoolRanchBaby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’ve already let him decide on her first name with no input from you. Now he wants to give her a middle name that he’s chosen with once again no input from you.
He essentially just wants you to nod your head and agree with everything he wants, and expects you to keep his mouth shut. Stand your ground, if you have to go to his family and explain “Hey, I also want to be involved in naming my kid, and not just having hubby dictate to me what the child in my womb’s name will be!” You’re a married couple.
You need to remind him that marriage is a partnership based on compromising with one another. You’ve already compromised with him, either he gives you some slack and compromises, or you put your foot down.” Turkeysocks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He wants to get to pick every part of your kid’s name. That’s not cool.
You both will raise her, you both helped create her, so you both get a say in the name. If he wants to pick the first name, you get the middle. Fair is fair.” StragglingShadow
25. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Entire Salary To My Mom?
“I’m 21 but I can’t live by myself yet (I’m from a Muslim family). My mom thinks I should give my salary (this is my first job ever) to her out of respect and the fact that I’m living with her. But I think that my salary should stay with me so I can decide what to do with it, not her.
I would love to help her financially if she needs it, we are in good terms usually so this situation is just weird. She really thinks that she should be the one keeping it and I should ask her every time to get some money if I need it. Sounds like some nonsense to me but her reaction when I said that I don’t like that idea (she’s disappointed and doesn’t want to talk to me) makes me think like I’m doing something wrong, so AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Keep your salary out of respect for her???? How does that make sense? Also, what does being in a Muslim family have to do with living by yourself? I have acquaintances who are Muslim and have their own apartments. Mainly due to overbearing parents like your mom, lol.” throwwzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The money you make is legally yours and you are allowed to do what you want with it. You are not entitled to give it to your parents just because they are demanding it or trying to guilt you into giving it to them – doing so could quickly turn into a situation where they could financially mistreat you.
Please keep your money safe in a bank account that they cannot access.” sugarplum578
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I’m not saying at 21 that you shouldn’t be helping contribute to the household either, definitely not your whole salary. If you haven’t already start building your credit. I’m not sure what your mom’s intention is by taking all your money, doesn’t sound like a good one though.” Somedayzitbelikedat
24. AITJ For Investigating My Cousin's Partner's Suspicious Background?
“My cousin started seeing a guy who sounded really good on paper. Excellent education credentials, great job and impressive history of former employment, from a very successful family, independently very wealthy. My cousin seemed very, very happy in this relationship and all of our family was happy for her. Some red flags appeared for several family members though.
Inaccuracies in backstories and some claims that seemed overblown. A need to tell every person he met in the family how wealthy and successful he was, his grandiose plans for the future. My cousin is also well-educated and a self-made person who has a great job, property and a very genuine, trusting and generous personality.
The family began to get worried that some of the things weren’t true about the partner and that it could lead to her being taken advantage of at worst or made a fool of at best. She began looking at very expensive houses to buy with him and making plans to relocate.
He claimed to have been living in the same small town as me at one point which peaked my interest. I did some asking around and some Internet digging and discovered that literally none of the claims he made are true.
He doesn’t have a college education, doesn’t have a job, isn’t from where he claims he is from, lied about his entire family background. Everything is the opposite of what he said. I have proof. Other family members did the same and found the same results as I did.
I told my already concerned aunt who then passed this information on to my cousin.
She is understandably very angry that we looked into him and his background. He is angry at us for not giving him a chance to tell her the truth about who he really is and why he lied about everything. There is a lot of hurt and upset on all sides and my cousin is retreating from the family and standing united with the partner and blaming us for causing him undue upset.
She says he should have been allowed to tell her about his past in his own time.
AITJ for digging around on his background and uncovering this or should I have just ignored the red flags and let sleeping dogs lie? Let my cousin find out for herself? I thought I was protecting her but now I feel terrible about the whole thing even though the partner’s lies are shocking.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The thing that tipped you off – how he lived in the same small town as you – would have tipped anyone off, especially if you didn’t remember him. I can completely follow your logic in finding out more and more as you go along and honestly think that you did the right thing by telling your Aunt, too.
Was your aunt already concerned because she had her doubts previously? What were the signs for her?” delifte
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You watch out for family when you care about them. Your cousin should thank her stars that so many people care about her. I’d be hurt if I were in her place but be grateful that I could cut losses and move on.
She’s probably in denial and can’t process things now but will slowly come to a realization that the guy she’s into is a big fat ball of lies. You’re a good person OP.” romawillins
23. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother-In-Law To Visit Last Minute?
“I don’t like my mother-in-law. When I first met her, it was to go to an important holiday dinner hosted by my husband’s (then partner) extended family. She met us at the hotel and met me before we went, but then took my husband aside and said I needed to change clothes because I looked like a woman of questionable character.
I cried, my husband said we weren’t going anymore and told his mom to leave. We “made up” later.
As my husband and I were together, I learned more about his relationship with her. They didn’t talk often before me or since. He went to visit her one time alone.
Flash forward and he hasn’t seen her for a while.
For whatever reason they never coordinated a time for her to visit or we always had some excuse. Finally she calls my husband and says she’s coming this weekend to ******** Tuesday night). I immediately say no when my husband tells me, I tell him that my nephew will be in on Sunday morning, and she would drive 16 hours one way.
He hesitates but agrees and tells his mom it can’t be this week, pick another time. His mom guilts him, says there’s always some excuse and that I don’t like her. She says she feels like if she doesn’t come see him right now she may never see him again.
So he decides to let her come with some conditions of not seeing the house and not seeing me.
I respect his choice but I’m still mad. Because regardless of their relationship and the repair they need, he still let her come out last minute and stay the 2 days before I have company for a week. I’m mad he didn’t see that as impolite and selfish.
We fought and he said “she was right, I do have to choose, this sucks.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’ve never been a fan of people inviting themselves over to stay without asking first. It sounds like she thinks you’re going to keep putting her off, and honestly it sounds like you want to. Explain that you have a lot going on, and give her some dates that will work for you for her to come visit.” DisneyBuckeye
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, Your husband put up some appropriate barriers for you both, you don’t have to see her and she’s not coming to your house. So I fail to see what the problem is? If it’s that you just don’t want him to see her at all, that’s totally unreasonable. Just because you don’t like his mother does not mean he can’t have a relationship with her.” adventuresofViolet
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She is not staying at the house or seeing you. You do not like your MIL (maybe for a good reason) – fine, she is not giving proper notice – fine. But you do not get to tell your husband not to see his mother because it is inconvenient to you.” ItIsNotAManual1984
22. AITJ For Forcing My Parent's To Tell My Brother He Is Adopted?
“My (26M) biological mother left when I was 4. My father remarried when I was 12 and my stepmother adopted me. She truly has been the only mother I’ve ever known/remembered. I’ve called her “mom” long before she adopted me. We are very close. Until now, I haven’t thought anything negative about either of my parents.
In the years since, my parents had 2 more kids, a 12-year-old girl and a 6-year-old boy. I am very close with both of them as well.
Recently, I discovered I have a 22-year-old half-brother, Kyle, from my biological mother. Yes, the math adds up and we now know she took off because she was unfaithful to my dad and married the father of my brother.
While biological mom and I still haven’t seen or spoken, Kyle and I have been getting to know each other. He lives quite a bit away but is now coming to visit and is potentially moving to the area after he graduates college as there’s more job opportunities for him and his partner.
I mentioned to my parents that’s he’s attending my fiancé’s baby shower and I planned to introduce him to everyone then. It was then they revealed my younger siblings know nothing about me being adopted. It is something I didn’t know, honestly because my being adopted doesn’t come up a lot.
I don’t like to think about or discuss my biological mother. My mother has always made sure to make me feel loved and wanted, just as much as her biological kids.
I told my parents it was time for them to explain it to my siblings as I’m not going to hide who he is.
They feel my youngest brother isn’t old enough to understand and that my sister wouldn’t keep the secret. I pointed out it doesn’t need to be a secret and I’m sure there’s literature or some way to bring it up.
This didn’t turn into a huge thing. They did end up telling my siblings (and outside a few questions, they did get it).
However, some people I’ve spoken to feel it wasn’t right for me to ask this of them. My dad said he felt I “rushed him”. My mom was the only one who said I was right (outside my fiancé).
Was I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ How much of your life were you supposed to put on hold or hide from them?
You have a brother you are getting to know, what if you decided to try out genetic testing or genealogy? What if you are a carrier for something genetic or have a health scare, were you supposed to not mention it in front of them ever? You being adopted was only a big deal because they made it into one and it is messed up that they didn’t just tell your siblings from the beginning.” glom4ever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This isn’t even some big unusual thing. You all have the same bio dad. Their bio mom is your stepmom who also adopted you. I’m sure they have multiple kids in their classes at school with the exact same family setup. Hardly a shocker.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I get the impulse to hide things from kids but truly they are more understanding than you’d think, and learning about different family structures is healthy for them especially since they are both old enough to be going to school, they are absolutely going to meet kids who have different home lives and it’s good for them to understand and see how theirs is both different and the same as any other loving family.” Flat_Lengthiness_319
21. WIBTJ For Cancelling A Family Trip?
“I’m so frustrated at the moment. A couple of weeks ago, my mom told me that my sister (25) and her partner were coming in to visit for a few days. My sister, we’ll call her Jay. Jay is very difficult to be around and semi-narcheistic. Jay lives several states away and visits home whenever she can afford a flight, but I tend to visit often for little day trips as it’s only a 3-hour drive.
Mom has been longing for all her kids to be together (sisters 20 f and 18 f also) because we don’t get to anymore with everyone living far apart. I said cool, and agreed that my partner (24 m) and I would love to come for the weekend.
So fast forward to last night, and my little sisters and my mom are texting me saying they’re so excited for “all of us to get together and finally have a talk”.
Um, what? Apparently Jay has been telling them that she still is very upset over how I hurt her almost TWO YEARS AGO with the graduation fiasco detailed in my last post a year ago. Mom called, said she was happy that Jay and I would finally get to air our grievances. I’m literally baffled, because not only did we already have a conversation about this a year and a half ago where we agreed to disagree, but we’ve spoken several times since then and seen each other without this ever being brought up.
So Jay has been telling everyone in my family for the past year and a half that it “hurts to be around me” and that she wanted to take this weekend to finally tell me how she feels. My mom said that they wanted me to come visit by myself, so we could have intimate family time.
Mind you, my partner and I have been together for almost 5 years so he is very much a part of the family. I just feel like everyone has planned this elaborate plot to get me by myself so that Jay can rehash details of a situation long over and done with that she never got over.
I have pretty bad anxiety but have been doing pretty okay with that recently. But the fact that my entire family has essentially planned something for me to cater to Jay and her feelings without really including me in the planning makes me extremely uncomfortable. I thought this was just going to be a regular dinner and hang out like it always is, until yesterday when my mom spilled the details.
I essentially said I didn’t want go because of this and now everyone is upset. WIBTJ for canceling the visit for this?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ – that being said, if you don’t address this with your family (mother and sisters) this is not going away. I would recommend sending a group email or text saying, I’m very sorry that sister’s feelings were hurt over my graduation.
I wish I would have had 5 tickets, but I didn’t and felt I had to give them to the people that were able to commit to being there. The fallout was stressful and cast a shadow on a day that was supposed to be a celebration for my hard work and accomplishment. It was disappointing but it is time to move on.
I am not interested in talking about this again. If this visit is about hashing this out, I will not be attending. This is a boundary that I am setting for myself and ask that you all respect that. Your sister took your big day and made it about her, I hope as sisters you guys can move on, but that does not mean you need to keep talking about it 2 years later.
Your family should respect your feelings about it.” Traditional_Line_656
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. But you need to address this with the instigators (Mom and Older Sister). Whether it’s a phone call or text – but say what needs to be said… “Sister and I discussed her issue with me 2 years ago and agreed to disagree.
I refuse to revisit this again as nothing has changed. Unless she plans on apologizing to me for her behavior, there is nothing else that needs to be said. I will not be visiting for the weekend. I will not allow you to ambush me into apologizing for anything. I did nothing wrong and I will not discuss this with you or her any further.
Are we clear on this?” Then don’t go. Stick to your guns.” JomolaMomo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mom has been dying for all her kids to be together (sisters 20 f and 18 f also) because we don’t get to anymore with everyone living far apart. Mom called, said she was happy that Jay and I would finally get to air our grievances These are very different things.
So Jay has been telling everyone in my family for the past year and a half that it “hurts to be around me” and that she wanted to take this weekend to finally tell me how she feels. No. You don’t need to be an extra in someone else’s drama. My mom said that they wanted me to come visit by myself, so we could have intimate family time.
Don’t even think about it. This isn’t intended to be pleasant for you.” diminishingpatience
20. AITJ For Being Upset We Have No Junk Food?
“For context, I make a homemade meal more than 95% of the time. We get takeaway maybe 2/3 times a month. I recently did the weekly shop and got a (10) pack of some hula hoop snacks and a (6) pack of salted crisps.
I did the shopping on 20/6 and literally 4 days later they are all gone! I know it’s my husband who’s been snacking on them. And I’ve told him before to stop eating the ‘easy to pack lunch food and just wait for the main meal.’ I pay for 100% of the food and he doesn’t seem to understand my budget.
I literally got 15 days’ worth of small bags to throw into the kids lunch and in 4 days… gone!!!! This isn’t the first time and not even the first time this month.
I make sure to have the main meal ready within 30-45 minutes of him being home but ‘he’s so hungry he can’t wait’ if I tell him to take food with him to work he’ll take the crisps and literally 2 apples and a banana instead of the leftovers (he has access to heat food up).
I told him I won’t be buying more until the delivery comes this Thursday. Don’t worry the kids will have (healthy) snacks as they buy their school meal but I don’t want to constantly buy junk! He’s upset I don’t have ‘easy food’ AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband sounds like one.
Maybe it’s time for you to stop buying those things and he can buy them himself if he wants them. If he continues to be upset and unwilling to understand where you are coming from or acknowledge the work you’re doing for your family you may want to consider couples therapy” Sea-Ad3724
Another User Comments:
“If your husband is upset that there isn’t absolute trash junk food in the house -because he ate it all! (so *healthy*!), then your husband can go to the store and buy the junk food of his choice. Or he can eat an apple. Or he can wait till mealtime. He has options. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but start hiding the “easy to pack lunch” food. If it’s for packing lunches, only use it for that. He can buy his own snacks if he really needs it. I grew up in a house with a strict food budget. There were rules around almost every food item in the house.
I got it at 10. My dad was bad with the lunch snacks until my mom started storing them separately. Also, we didn’t get any more when they ran out, so if Dad ate all the Little Debbie cakes, no one got any for the rest of the month. Dad was able to stop by the coffee shop every day for his sweet fix.
Kids weren’t (we couldn’t afford to buy lunch every day at school). Things changed quickly.” RelaxErin
19. WIBTJ Not Bringing Something The Host Asked For?
“I (25f) have a friend (24f) who is hosting a party/BBQ this upcoming Saturday. I don’t see her very often, probably 4 times a year.
We are not super close, but she is one of the few friends I still keep in touch with from university, and I enjoy our friendship so I don’t want to do anything that would risk that. In case it is relevant, she is the only person I’ll know at this party. Given this, when she invited me, I asked her if it was ok if my partner (25m) could come as well, and she said yes.
She has met him before.
For some context, she invited me a couple of weeks back, and in her invitation, she included a poster on the party details. On it, it said that it would be appreciated if people could bring some food items. A week or so ago she sent me a list of items that people could bring.
This list included parameters that looked a bit unusual to me (ex: hamburger buns and patties- 4 packs max for each, condiments – party pack that has everything), but I figured this was for ideas and/or to give general info on numbers. Further, the initial request appeared optional so I thought whatever you can bring would likely be acceptable.
Anyways, I got back to her last week and asked if it was okay if I bring a fruit tray as my item which was one of the items on the list. She replied and asked if I could bring 2 – 3 trays instead as she expects there to be around 50 people coming. She then messaged again today asking me to bring 2 trays and a pack of beer instead of a third tray, but I don’t even drink beer.
Something about this request is just off-putting to me, but I don’t want to be rude so I’ll at least bring two trays. However, I don’t want it to be awkward if I don’t bring what she’s asked, but to be honest this whole thing is kinda making me reconsider going at all.
I haven’t replied yet, but WIBTJ for disregarding her wishes and still attending?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are clearly uncomfortable with all of the requests she is asking of you and quite frankly I don’t blame you. However, why do you keep agreeing to the things she is asking such as beer.
You should have told her that you would not be bringing beer since you don’t drink it. Additionally, why is it so important for you to attend this party? If you feel she is overstepping your boundaries just tell her that you are now unable to attend. This person should not be hosting a party if she is unable to provide for her guests.
Just don’t go!” SeaField7201
18. AITJ For Not Helping My Half Sister?
“This might seem a little messy and complicated so I will try to be as clear as possible.
My dad and my mom had my older brother and me (both mid-30s). Mom died when we were 9 and 11. Dad remarried when I was 13 to his second wife Janet.
Janet was a widow with three kids from her late husband.
For the first year they had a typical marriage. They even had my half-sister Katie in that time. But right after Katie was born, their marriage changed. Neither wanted a traditional marriage and weren’t in love with each other, as both were still devoted to their late spouses. So they stayed married but chose to go by companions instead.
They slept in separate rooms. Did family things individually from each other except for with their shared child. Janet was not part of my brother’s or my life really and dad was the same with her three kids. They would act like friends more than a couple because in reality that was what they were.
They said they also saw it as lessening the potential burden on their kids one day.
From an early point both had made it clear that if they were to pass, they would want to be buried with their first spouses.
Katie struggled a lot with the dynamic. Now that her mom is gone, she is fighting for her to not be buried with her first husband so she can be buried with dad when he goes (dad has become unable to care for himself due to early onset dementia).
Janet’s other kids said no way and she goes in with their dad, who she loved, who was her real spouse. Katie asked me to help her talk them around and I told her I would not do that. That when dad goes he’ll be buried with mine and my brother’s mom, like he wanted and like we’d want too.
Katie told me it’s not fair. It’s like she doesn’t matter in any of this. She told me I’m supposed to help her and support her in this and I’m refusing. That when she dies she’ll end up being buried alone (she has often talked about never wanting to marry or have kids) and she won’t be able to be buried with her parents and it isn’t fair.
I tried to offer her comfort but she told me I wasn’t helping her change the plans and I could get lost.
She’s 19 and has suffered a huge loss so I am being as compassionate as I can be. But she’s mad and I don’t know if I’m the Jerk or not so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Completely get where Katie is coming from, it’s like her family has dissolved and this is just one more step along that road. But everyone else is happy with the wishes of the deceased. That’s really that. Keep doing what you’re doing, talking to Katie, supporting her, but support doesn’t mean pretending someone is right regardless of anything else.
It can mean just making them feel heard.” GlesgaD2018
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel for Katie, but it is her mother’s wishes that should be respected here. I suspect that she will see that eventually, but as you said she is 19 and grieving. All you can do is let her know you will be there for her and try to cut her some slack when she rages.” Night-Frost55
Another User Comments:
“ESH except Katie. Yes, both parents should be buried where they wanted to be buried. But if you, your brother, and your stepsiblings are going to tell Katie she gets no say in where her parents are buried, then *none of you* gets a say in where Katie is buried either. She has a right to be buried by one of her parents, period.
If that bothers your brother/your stepsiblings, tough. She doesn’t have to be *your* family, but she *is* your dad and stepmom’s family. They chose to move on enough to have another child; you do not get to erase that. For the record, if I died and my spouse went on to do something like your dad and stepmom did to Katie, I wouldn’t want that spouse buried anywhere near me.
I’d be ashamed of my kids, too.” the_divine_sara
17. AITJ For Bringing My Daughter On Vacation?
“I have one daughter and when she was around 11 we bought a condo in another state (Alabama) right on the beach and we would go as soon as school let out, until the week it started back up. Around end of May to the end of July or early August.
She never really seemed a fan of it but I thought she would grow into it. The next and following years she would be going outside and to town with us for a week or so, and then eventually would stop going outside and complaining that she wanted to go home and see her friends.
I told her to make friends there and she would argue with me. She would just stay in the bed and go on her phone asking to go home every day.
When she got into high school she got a partner, they’re still together, and would be even more hesitant on going away for so long and would try to do everything to go home and not stay as long and would try to go home with her Dad when he’d go back for work.
But because she was 14-16 we didn’t want her staying in the house by herself when he was at work. It got to the point where I saw texts from her partner saying it was ridiculous too and nobody should be staying that long.
My daughter’s 20 now and hasn’t gone on our full vacation ever since she was 17, that’s when we gave up and allowed her to stay.
When she comes up to the condo now with her partner they stay less than 10 days.
My daughter and I still argue that she claims I isolated her from all of her friends and especially because I would ground her a lot so she couldn’t even text. I also had a rule that she had to walk for an hour in order to get 10 minutes in the phone because she’d stay in bed all day and complain about wanting to go home.
I don’t think she would’ve done anything back then besides stay in bed at home too though. She claims she would’ve hung out with her friends, wanted to learn how to drive, see her cat, see her partner, study her hobbies, etc. But I don’t trust her and I find it astonishing that she thinks I held her captive up there every year and I ruined her life.
She said a lot of in real-life friendships died down because they never even saw each other unless it was during school.
Like am I the one to blame for her losing friends? Why does she not reflect on herself?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, so to summarize… I ignored everything my daughter said and dismissed everything she felt, I continue to do this into her adulthood because I want to feel like a good parent and control the narrative.
The biggest thing I learned with my daughter was to shut up instead of shutting her down. Taking the time to understand what and why she was feeling like she was and finding constructive solutions is why we have the relationship we have, I get the feeling it’s the same for you, we both earned what we currently have.” whatsmypassword73
16. AITJ For Telling My Partner Not To Compare Me To Her Exes?
“Earlier today my partner (25F) told me (26F) she wanted me to pay her more attention in general. I told her I’ll try but to remember that I have a lot going on and to tell me if I end up not doing it.
For context, I’m a full-time student and play a lot of video games (especially these days as it’s the only hobby I can afford to indulge in time-wise). One instance she mentioned was that when she shows me her clothes while I’m playing games I tend to just look at her quickly and tell her I like it before going back to my game.
While when I’m not gaming I give her more attention.
To me, that quick look is enough to consider her clothes and make up my mind about it and tell her. I explained that to her but nonetheless said I’ll try more. At this point I invited her to cuddle on the couch to finish this talk.
My partner then proceeded to tell me she’s otherwise fine but wants more attention because with one of her exes, she was fine if he and she both did their own thing but spent some time together during the day.
That irked me and I told her that she talks about her exes often and no one likes their partner to talk about their exes.
She further explained that she’s saying it because she knows it’s what she wants because her previous relationships had that.
And that seriously frustrated me so I got up from the couch and sat at my desk, I told her I’m not her ex, our relationship isn’t the one she had with her ex. After that, I put on my headphones and watched a YouTube video.
After a while, I felt calmer and thought I’d go apologize for how I reacted and settle it with her but she was crying and didn’t want to talk to me.
For context, we’ve lived and been together for over 3 years now.
So, people of the internet, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ She’s not comparing you to her ex, she’s drawing from her past experiences to try to communicate to you what she needs, probably because your first response was “I’ll try but I probably won’t, so tell me if you want me to do more than look at you for two seconds.” YTJ for not spending much time with her, for blowing her off when she told you, and for losing your cool when she tried to explain further.” Right_Count
Another User Comments:
“ESH – If she’s deliberately bringing her ex up to annoy you all the time she’s a jerk. But if she’s only using her past relationship as examples of what works for her and what she wants, that shouldn’t be an issue and you should hear her out.
And if you know what she wants and is choosing video games over that all the time you’re definitely the jer. Overall it seems like communication is lacking.” ElenaFjwr
Another User Comments:
“ESH. She shouldn’t compare you to her exes. She is in a fresh relationship and should not be vocally comparing and contrasting the two of you.
It’s understandable that she will refer to her past experiences to express what she needs and wants, but she should have communicated that without bringing up her exes. You should recognize that she feels your video games are more important than her and make an effort to spend more time together. It sounds like you’re giving a lot of excuses and not getting to the root of the problem.
Promising her you’ll say or do something is a whole lot different than actually doing it, and it doesn’t matter that she plays games or watches anime as much as you do. It sounds like you both need to be better at communicating and sticking to your word.” soog0704
You really need to take some time to yourself and answer these questions honestly.
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Post My Picture?
“So I (33M) have been seeing Susan (29F, not real name) for 6 months now.
Some background, a few years ago for reasons, I deleted all my social media accounts. I have since made some social media accounts and I have some pictures of me floating around but it’s mostly so that I can use apps to meet people. I don’t interact with them outside of that.
So when we first started seeing each other I told Susan I don’t like social media and don’t want my photos being spread on it.
We can take photos but mine will be of my body, any photos of my face will have to remain private. She agreed at the time.
So a few times now we’ve gone out to house parties and whenever a group photo is asked for I always sit out, she says it’s weird and grumbles but we generally drop the subject after a bit.
Last week we were at a house party thrown by her sister. It was fun, we had drinks met some friends etc. Her sister asked for a photo and I said sure but you gotta keep it private. Her sister rolled her eyes and said sure and took the photo, I assume this meant she understood but I was a pain in the backside.
Later that week my partner is scrolling through her insta and sees my photo and said it was nice. I saw it and was upset. I called her sister up directly and asked her to respect my privacy and remove the photo, there was a lot of whining but eventually she agreed to take it down.
My partner fielded a call from her sister after and got upset at me calling me a jerk for not letting one simple picture slide and making it a big thing. She went on to say it’s weird to not like taking photos. She also said that I let other people take photos of me and put it in their soc med, and I’m being a jerk for excluding her.
(This felt like something she had stored up for a while, and the dam broke)
This is actually true but only in a professional setting. I work in healthcare, so I want to avoid any drama that can come out of an unintentionally awkward photo of me somewhere on social media. So, like work dinners or photos with my team at the hospital, I’m OK with.
Even things like having coffee at a cafe with my team I’m fine.
I might be ok with my partner eventually posting pics of me (it’s only been 6 months). But I really dislike having photos of me in any setting that involves drinking or partying because I don’t know what can happen. I’m a bit paranoid granted, but I feel I was upfront about no socmed photos when we first started seeing each other.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for strange double standards. If it was important to you to avoid any identifiable online presence that is one thing, but the fact you allow photos of yourself in work situations makes the whole thing strange. I can understand not wanting photos of yourself drinking on social media, but banning photos of yourself and your partner at any other time seems bizarre when you so strictly follow your rule for her and not for others.” normalmeatbasedhuman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are not obligated to appear on other people’s social media pages. Period. If your GF cannot respect this simple boundary then it might be time to move on.” Forward_Squirrel8879
14. AITJ For Calling My Mom A Hypocrite?
“My immediate family went on a weekend vacation to a popular ski area (lots of hiking in the summer) and stayed in a very well maintained Airbnb.
I (F48) made dinner and my mom (F74) cleaned up. I love to cook so I brought a few utensils from home — including my good knife and a pair of wooden salad spoons.
The next morning I went to empty the dishwasher and found both my good knife and the wooden spoon in the clean dishwasher.
I asked my mom why she put both things in the dishwasher when she clearly knows that knives and wooden items shouldn’t be put in the dishwasher. (She is also a very good cook and knows both of these are a major no-no).
Her response was that she didn’t feel like washing them. When I pointed out they were both things I brought from home, she was very sorry because she didn’t want to ruin my nice things and would have hand-washed them if she had known they were mine.
This is where things went south. I got upset because I think you should treat things the same regardless of who owns them. Just because it doesn’t belong to someone you don’t know, doesn’t make it less worthy of respect. She thinks I’m being ridiculous and it’s not our responsibility to baby everyone else’s stuff.
She was mad at me.
I ended up walking out of the room to end the conversation. So, AITJ for thinking my mom should treat strangers things as well as she would treat her daughters?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom had the same rules for us growing up, yet somehow loaded 2 wooden utensils into our dishwasher and started it last time she was here.” SirRabbott
13. WIBTJ IF I Told My Best Friend About Her "Surprise Wedding?"
“I 25f have a best friend Sara 26f. Sara’s partner Adam recently called me to discuss a ‘surprise wedding’. He wants me to distract Sara the whole day, and surprise her with her family and all our friends back home and they get married in their backyard.
I told him I am not sure this is what she wants (knowing she would dislike this as she hates surprises but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings), as Sara loves organizing and planning things.
She has talked about getting married previously, and wants a winter wedding. Sara had recently confided in me about drifting from Adam and thinking about taking a break.
I was quite shocked to hear Adam planning a wedding, a surprise one at that, in front of all of our family and friends. I encouraged him to instead have a more intimate proposal, as opposed to a surprise wedding, but Adam told me that I don’t know what Sara wants and he knows her better.
I told him to talk to her about what she wants in a wedding, hopefully, she would bring up her winter wedding, or what she told me about her relationship to him. Adam is insisting on the surprise wedding however, and says he will ask Sara’s sister to distract her the day of instead.
I told him I feel obligated to tell her, as I know she hates surprises and I want her to feel prepared not ambushed at this event.
He is calling me a jerk. I did initially agree to keep this plan a secret, but that was when I thought it was a private proposal, and even then asked him to discuss the future with her first. I don’t want to cause drama in their relationship by telling Sara, and I could be a Jerk if I do.
I would ask my partner for advice, but can’t keep a secret and works with Adam.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What he’s doing is manipulative and he’s trying to put her in a situation where she’d feel too uncomfortable to say no. It’s a godawful idea, tell her.” CrystalQueen3000
Another User Comments:
“There’s a surprise wedding post already that went awry. It was a surprise for the bride. If it can be found, find it and get her to read it and tell you her thoughts. If she responds with anything further indicating that she would hate it, tell her. If by some weird chance she actually says she wants a surprise wedding, don’t tell her.” FreeWheelinSass
12. AITJ For Wearing My Long Hair Free At My Uncle's Christian Funeral?
“I (male 26) am going to my uncle’s funeral. I have long hair that reaches my shoulders (I really look like Jesus Christ, beard and everything, at least what we think he looks like) and I am going to wear decent clothes for a funeral (black suit pants and a shirt) but I will wear my hair free.
My parents and brother think that it is inappropriate for a Christian funeral. I am trying to point out that the women at the funeral will have similar hairstyles to mine. I also said jokingly that it’s funny that looking like Jesus Christ is inappropriate for a Christian funeral. I also don’t like how my hair looks in a man bun and I like wearing it free.
Many people in my family have shown a dislike for me, a man, having long hair for the last few years making small puns or jokes, I don’t feel offended by it because if you laugh at my hair I will just ignore you, but it’s obviously an attitude I haven’t appreciated, we all like to look good and for people not to make fun of how we look.
Am I the jerk for deciding to wear my hair free to the funeral?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I just can’t see how any Christians would object to a man attending in polite clothing with his f****l and head hair nicely styled as Jesus is normally shown as having it. My mum used the Jesus comparison decades ago to my conservative dad to loosen him up when he was being a bit funny about my elder brother who’d grown his hair to his shoulders and grown a full beard.
Both were conservative Catholics.” cynical_old_mare
Another User Comments:
“If your hair is clean, and not worn in “wild” manner, I can’t see a problem here. If it were me, as long as you made the effort with your hair, that would be plenty. Big NTJ here.” togocann49
11. AITJ For Wanting To Avoid My Best Friend's Disrespectful Son?
“My best friend’s son is a jerk but that never deterred me from visiting her because he only disrespected her- if she likes it, I love it.
Now, however, he is starting to treat me the same way he treats her and I don’t love it nor do I like it. The problem with not visiting her is that she’s starting to make comments about it and I’d really love to spend time with her daughter who I adore.
I just don’t know how to navigate this situation. I don’t wanna stop being friends but if I tell her how I feel that’s exactly what’s going to happen. There is no way to gently tell a mother you don’t like her kid, especially a mother who never sees any wrong her kid’s actions.
She and a mutual friend of ours have already fallen out because of something loosely related to this so I guess I kinda know better than to say anything at this point. I wanna know if I’m a jerk but I’d also like advice. I have no children myself and her kid is 10.
One time he did something his mom didn’t like and when she asked why he did that his reply was a very condescending, “because I can.” Well, he wasn’t wrong but I was just appalled that his mother accepted that for an answer. Now it’s rubbing off on the 4-year-old. The 4-year-old doesn’t bother me because she’s 4 I suppose but I’m sure as she gets older it will.
I went thru a similar situation with another friend of mine about ten years ago with her daughter but she was so out of control to where I was left with no choice but to address the the kid myself. After that I stopped coming around until the kid was much older but it didn’t damper our friendship because my friend knew her daughter was “bad.”
This situation isn’t like that. I really feel like my friend thinks her son wears a halo and I get the impression that the only time she tries to discipline him is when other people are watching because his behavior embarrasses her. You can tell that he normally doesn’t have boundaries.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Honestly I’d just tell her that you are not okay with the way her son treats and speaks to you. She can choose to do what she wants from there. You’re allowed to set boundaries about what kind of treatment you will accept from other people. No matter who they are.” Careless_League_9494
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, would be blunt and just tell them how you feel. as it makes you feel uncomfortable about it. Don’t question the parenting or whatnot. Just state how he makes you feel uncomfortable about how he treats you.” Sith_happens2021
10. AITJ For Getting My Favorite Cake For My Birthday Despite My Sister's Objections?
“I (34f) and my sister (39f) both love German Chocolate cake. Both of us had a tradition to have that for our birthday cakes each year.
However, for the 4 years I lived with them I wasn’t allowed to get it for my birthday since she only allowed herself to eat it once a year and since she was the “child no one wanted” and the fact “it’s just cake”, I should give it to her and choose something else.
I relented while living with her because it is just cake and I always had issues with my weight.
Plus my niece’s birthday was only 2 days after mine so we combined our birthdays and I always let my niece pick. She was a child so I figured that’s fair enough.
After I moved out of her house and in with my now husband (which is a different AITJ moment for me), I decided that I would start having German Chocolate cake for my birthday again.
My hubs didn’t have any issues with this.
When my birthday came around I was finally on speaking terms with my sister and she wanted to celebrate my birthday with me. Hubs and I agreed and invited her over. While I waited at our home for my sister, my hubs went out and got a German Chocolate cake and had the bakery put “Happy Birthday My Name” on it.
When my sister saw it, she was furious.
She called me a jerk for getting her favorite cake on my birthday and that I need to just get over myself and move on without issues with each other. She also claimed I was using the cake to taunt her. I never thought of weaponizing a cake against her, I just wanted it for my birthday after only having it for hers for several years.
Everything escalated from there to ultimately having my husband kicking my sister out of our house. This happened a few years ago and now I can’t stand even looking at a German Chocolate cake without cringing over the idiocy of it all.
She still brings it up in a joking manner about how I almost let a cake I don’t even like ruin our “sisterly bond”.
I just choose to ignore her over it now, but I have to know, Am I the jerk for getting my favorite cake for my birthday?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So silly for grown women to argue at all over this. It’s your birthday, have the kind of cake you want. Doesn’t matter that you both like the same cake.
Sheesh.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your birthday your choice of cake – always. If she doesn’t allow herself to eat the cake more than once it’s on her. You are not responsible for or required to take notice of HER stupid self-restrictions. Enjoy your cake and tell sis to grow up.” Seriouslydude-no-way
9. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out A Disrespectful Friend To Protect My Mental Health?
“I(34f) live with my partner(45m) and child(8) in a small house. Friend (35m,’S’) left a toxic/abusive relationship and we offered him our couch for a while while he got a job and found somewhere to live. A month later he has a job but still nowhere else to live.
So towards the end of that month, S started being very nasty towards me, my beliefs (I’m a kitchen witch), my gender and my s*******y which resulted in a big disagreement, not keeping the house tidy, not being careful of my food intolerances (I ended up having two awful gluten-related reactions because he didn’t clean up after himself) so I told him to find somewhere else, he did and told us he was safe and settled, all was well.
Two weeks later, he’s begging to come back as he spent a night on the street, missing a day of work because he got zero sleep trying to keep himself and his stuff safe. We made some rules and set some boundaries, he agreed and I initially said yes. Two days into him being back here, he’s back being nasty, not cleaning up after himself (he had a shower yesterday, clipped his toenails, I went up to a shower after and his toenail clippings were all over floor) playing loud music and stomping around the house at kiddos bedtime.
I suffer from PTSD from birth trauma (kiddo was born at 24 weeks, stayed in hospital for four months) so I’ve been suffering flashbacks, increased sensory overload problems (I’m autistic)sensitivity to anything birth-related, insomnia due to her birthday being very soon. In past years to cope with this I’ve been able to distract myself from it by doing crafts, talking to friends late into the night (my partner is so understanding, he’s an amazing man) whatever I can possibly do to shut the noise in my brain up and keep myself distracted, S has made it impossible for me to do anything, he’s sleeping on our couch so our living room becomes unaccessible after 9.
I can’t do my crafts in any other room of the house as I can’t grab the things I need due to not being able to access the living room (my craft storage is in there)it’s most comfortable for me to sit on the couch to do my thing.
He’s making my being at home difficult with his constant snide comments, mess, loud swearing-heavy music (which kiddo hates, she’s autistic and loud music upsets her, swearing moreso) he’s also not putting any money from his job into the household to pay for his food/electric/gas/internet usage.
My mental health has taken a huge hit and I am at the point of just leaving (well, I would if I wasn’t house-bound agoraphobic).
I’ve tried talking to my partner about it, I’ve even tried talking to S about it, but S stonewalls me and ignores everything I say.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You guys have gone far beyond the call of lending a hand to a friend.
This guy is taking advantage of you, and your partner is prioritizing his friend over his family. Dude needs to GTFO.” tritoeat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner sucks for not having your back. The friend isn’t entitled to create an issue with your home life because his own is a mess. And none of you are responsible for him except him.” Unable-Ad148
8. AITJ For Giving Away My Bridesmaid's Gift After She Dropped Out Of The Wedding Party?
“I recently got married over the weekend. I had a party of 8, but my good friend since high school dropped out a few days before the wedding without any reason. I know her job gets stressful so I didn’t push for an excuse, but she still attended the wedding.
When I did the proposal boxes I told everyone that they should expect to spend about $500 for their outfits and bachelorette stuff.
No one seemed to mind the cost. In exchange, I spent a good amount on the bridesmaid gifts like skin care, robes and slippers with their names on it, spa gift certificates, etc. The bridesmaid who dropped out has a basic name (like Hannah) so I just gave her gift box to my cousin since I couldn’t get a refund on most of the items.
My cousin and my sister were showing off their gifts on TikTok, and my sister told me that “Hannah” asked her if they paid for the robes during the wedding. My sister didn’t think much of the question and told her it was a gift.
This morning Hannah asked me when she could pick up her gifts.
I told her they were a thank you gift to my bridesmaids and she attended the wedding as a guest, so I gave hers away. Her mom called me and told me I was being spiteful for giving away her gifts especially since she attended all the bachelorette events (not the rehearsal dinner but the bach party, dress shopping, and the wedding) and since we have been friends for so long I should have considered her feelings.
I told her I didn’t even think Hannah was coming and it wasn’t a big deal.
Was I being a jerk for giving it away? It hurt me that she dropped out, but the gifts were for my party.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The gifts were for the bridesmaids. She wasn’t a bridesmaid, at her own request. In fact pulling out at the last minute was fairly rude, even if she was upset at you giving away her gift she should have the grace to understand that she doesn’t get to complain about your behavior given her own questionable way of operating.
People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.” Zieglest
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why are you making them pay for their dresses and then spending things on random crap? Use that money to cover the cost, or part of the cost, of the dresses and bachelorette stuff.” Amareldys
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You don’t know why Hannah dropped out.
You didn’t ask (???!!!). You definitely gave away non-returnable items to rando cousin out of spite, as the cousin sure wasn’t in the bridal party and didn’t contribute anything to the Bachelorette party, for example. You bought expensive useless crap rather than, saying, going halfsies on the dresses. You have zero curiosity about what happened, and Hannah didn’t offer a reason.
This is bizarre.” Pianoplayerpiano
7. AITJ For Refusing To Take Another Shower After My Dad Insisted I Smell Bad?
“I (21M) am working full-time as a waiter in a restaurant. Every morning, before going to work, I take a shower and put on fresh clothes, just like I suppose a lot of people do.
Usually, I don’t go home between my shifts because I live quite far from my workplace and there’s no reliable public transportation (and I don’t have a car), but this time I had no choice as a client spilled his glass of red wine on me, ruining my uniform.
So I went home and took a shower immediately.
My dad (45M) came back home shortly after I exited the shower. This is how our interaction went:
“Oh you’re home? What’s that smell…? Go take a shower immediately”
“Hi, welcome back! I actually just got out of the shower, a client spilled wine on me”
“I don’t care. You smell like you haven’t showered in a week. Get back in there.”
I called him unreasonable and told him I’m not going back in (I had washed my hair as well and it was still wet so it was obvious I wasn’t lying) and he started looking at me up and down saying I will have no right to complain when I get fired for my “lack of hygiene”.
I ignored him and went into my room before going back to work.
Right before leaving for work, my stepmother (47F) got back home and he behaved in a similar way with her, he was just less aggressive and assertive about it. So, AITJ for not taking another shower when I’m asked to?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your father might have something going on medically- his sense of smell might be affected by it. Tonsil stones can cause bad breath but can also create a bad smell that the affected can smell. And if it’s not just you, it might be something more. A woman posted a while ago she was seeing a guy who always told her she smelled and it was because he thought it was how to keep someone around by destroying their self-esteem.” Different-Juice-4832
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but maybe ask someone who you trust if you smell? If you just got out of the shower and used soap all over, you should be fine. Do you wear deodorant? If you know for a fact that you smell fresh, then your dad has some type of sensory issues.” Dlodancer
6. AITJ For Feeling Hurt That My Infertile Sister Isn't Excited About My Pregnancy?
“My sister (late 30s F) and I (mid-30s F) were not super close as kids. In adulthood, civility turned into amicability which grew into a great relationship where we talk once a week and text all the time.
One of the things we bonded over the years was rolling our eyes/venting about our crazy but well-intentioned parents.
During a challenging time, my mom started oddly and emotionally pressuring us to have kids. We ended up both telling my mom that it was no longer an option for her to bring up this topic to us.
I also respected that boundary and did not ask Sis questions about it. Sis and I were on the same page.
Fast forward to this spring. My emotional/financial situation improved. We call her and husband and tell them we are two months pregnant. The response was… lackluster. I tried to take it in stride, maybe kids aren’t her thing after all.
She and I chatted about other things since then, but the pregnancy never came up.
A month later, I called her because I was planning on telling our folks, and at that point the floodgates may open. I asked her if she would prefer I start a separate group chat with the family about baby stuff so she doesn’t have to get bombarded with baby discussion.
I wanted to respect her boundaries. In that conversation, she said (unconvincingly) “send me whatever, it’s fine”, and then dropped the bomb that she and her husband have struggled with infertility in absolute secret for two years. She was understanding that “I couldn’t have known and it wasn’t my fault” and I gave her my sympathies.
I’m now four months along, and she has not once asked me about my pregnancy. I have not brought it up. Additionally, she has become snippy, confrontational, and colder about other topics.
At some point, I’m thinking of telling her that I respect her boundaries and have not discussed the pregnancy with her.
But that it doesn’t change the fact that not being able to share this happiness with my only sibling still hurts. WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. Do not make her issues with infertility about you. She has enough grieving she has to do without feeling like she’s not doing enough for you. Why is it fair to want your mother to lay off the pressure but not for you to lay off the fertility celebration?” Whelmed29
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. You know why your sister is behaving this way and you can’t fix it. So all there is to gain with this conversation is an attempt to shame/guilt her into feeling something she doesn’t to make YOU happy. Plus you know her reactions after that convo aren’t genuine and only bc you made her feel ridiculous and small for struggling with her own, very real problems. This isn’t about you or your baby and it’s a common response in this situation.
Wait until your child is born and she gets to spend time with the baby – you may find excitement over a pregnancy and the bond between a child and close family member are very different. Congrats on your pregnancy!” FaithlessnessAway479
5. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Stop Complaining About Being Tired After Night Duty With Our Baby?
“I am on maternity leave to look after our 5.5-month-old son, my partner is working FT 9-5 Mon – Fri.
For the first 5 months my partner slept in the spare room every night, and so I was doing 100% of the night wakes/settles. For the past 9 weeks our son has been going through sleep regression, waking on average 7 times a night. He does not need feeding 7 times a night (son is exclusively breastfed), but needs shushing/patting / rocking back to sleep.
I asked my partner if he could do some of the nights, and I could sleep in the spare room. My partner agreed, and so for the past 2 weeks I stay in the bedroom with our son 5 times a week, and my partner stays with him 2 times a week (nights of his choosing, sometimes weekends, sometimes work nights if he wants to go out at the weekend, I work around him).
When it is my partner’s turn to stay with our son he only wakes me only for feeds (2 times a night). This helps me get a bit more uninterrupted sleep.
Great so far, but every time my partner stays with our son he spends the whole next day complaining about how tired he is. To the point where he’s not fun to be around, and spoils the atmosphere of the day.
I’ve asked him to simply not tell me he is feeling tired, I know he’s feeling tired, that’s being a parent, but I would prefer it if we could stay positive and have some fun family time. It also feels a little like he is trying to make me feel guilty for asking him to share the nights.
For additional info: yes my partner is working FT, but I am also contributing exactly the same amount as he is financially each month. I’ve been saving for years so that when we had a baby I would still be able to put my half of our shared costs in each month. So it’s not a case of I do all the parenting and he does all the finances.
AITJ for asking my partner to not tell me he’s feeling tired and to just “get on with it”?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s tired. You’re tired. He’s communicating, not telling you he wants to stop taking care of your child. Just empathize and tell him you’re tired too and get someone to watch after the baby for a couple of hours while you guys reconnect.” Alternative-Sign-198
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and my advice is to not let him get in the way of your activities the next day – if that means doing “fun” things without him or asking “do you want baby duty or dish duty?” And plopping baby on his lap so you can do chores, so be it… It’s ok to be tired and to express it, but he needs to learn that he can’t just be incapacitated every time he has to parent at night.” TASalty-Resident4722
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is a difficult time for both of you and being able to vent to each other is critical. It sucks being tired all the time and he is allowed to complain about it. Honestly this sounds like some classic sexist nonsense to me, like because he’s a man he has to bottle it up and not burden you with his feelings.
“Spoils the atmosphere” my rear. You’re new parents, being exhausted and miserable is part of the job description and it’s not helpful to pretend.” hibernativenaptosis
4. AITJ For Removing My Disrespectful Sister And Niece From My Disney Plus Account?
“I am a 34 M who lives in the same house with my sister 31 and my niece 11.
I have removed my sister and her daughter from my Disney plus account because they disrespect me and my property constantly. I wouldn’t normally be so petty but a month ago me and my sister had a blow-up argument and because of that, I finally had enough and removed them both from the account. My sister accused me of punishing her daughter for her actions and I simply said you both exhibit the same type of behavior towards me and I pointed out how I have asked her daughter to not leave my goggles and pool floaties out in the sun to be destroyed by the sun’s rays, we live in the southwest in one of the hottest places there could possibly be in the entire United States.
I admitted her behavior was the final straw and I was just being kind to have not done this before now. Well, she bought her own Disney Plus account and removed me from her Amazon Prime account both shopping and video. By doing this and not allowing a punishment for her action. I feel like she’s not teaching her daughter respect for anyone besides herself and her property.
I feel like I know the answer but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You clearly both cannot live under the same roof together, I think that if you both keep being so petty instead of having an actual conversation about boundaries and expectations, you’re going to destroy what is left of your relationship.” rositalp
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you can’t metaphorically ground a grown woman for a week, it makes perfect sense she got her own account and removed you from hers.” PhantomChick13
3. AITJ For Not Taking Care Of My Mom's Dog's?
“I (31f) am a solo mum of a toddler who works in children’s mental health. I WFH one day a week whilst my little one (3) goes to nursery.
My mum (69f) helps out with my son a lot, looking after him one day a week whilst I’m at work and once a month for overnight so I can sleep. I don’t have any other family support outside of my mum.
My mum is a widow; we lost our dad 8 years ago now and he’s deeply missed still by us all, but especially my mum, to whom he was married for 43 years.
My mum got her dog just before he died and simply adores her; she’s a cute little pug/staffy/beagle cross, but she is SO badly trained. She barks, jumps, escapes, snatches food- all not ideal but not really deal-breakers.
I live in a rented home where I’m not supposed to have pets, however my mum is incredibly protective over her dog so gets very worried about sending her to a dog-minder.
So I’ve been doing the odd day here or there whilst I WFH once a week in case my mum wants or needs to go somewhere for the day. However, it’s lately become impossible to be productive with the dog around. She barked continuously every time she heard a noise and doesn’t stop so I had to keep diving in and out of meetings, and generally was just as difficult to try and work around as my toddler!
I don’t mind *********** and all the other stuff that comes from occasionally minding the dog- I love her, and I love my mum and want to try and help her out in return for all the help she gives me, but today I just couldn’t cope. I was stressed all day, worrying that my landlords would find out and get mad, or that she’d escape the garden, and, maybe selfishly, I relish my WFH day because it’s the day I quietly potter about my house in between meetings.
I need that time to recharge a little.
AITJ if I say to my mum that I can’t look after the dog anymore, especially considering all the stuff she helps me and my kid with?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s one thing to watch a dog. It’s another when the dog is so badly trained that it inhibits you from properly doing your work.
Not to mention the dog being there could potentially cause issues with your landlord. In some places, that may be grounds for eviction for violating your lease. This isn’t an issue of you being selfish. This is an issue of the dog causing actual problems for you that could have serious consequences. Your mother will have to******* up and get a dog sitter.” TheBigBluePit
Another User Comments:
“NJH This is a tough situation. You and your mom have no one but each other. You really want those peaceful WFH days and it would be easier on you if your mom didn’t burden you with the dog. I think having the untrained dog at your house while you’re trying to work isn’t going to work.
What I would do is research and come up with 3 good solutions you can present to your mom. Find a good doggie daycare that you visit that would take the dog when mom needs to go out. Find a nice dog minder and meet them. Find a good dog TRAINER and set up training sessions for your mom’s dog (this will make everyone’s life easier!)” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for renting a no-pets house and bringing a dog into it.” Joe-Stapler
2. AITJ For Wanting To Change How Rent Is Split?
“I got two new roommates last year and I love them! I was just acquaintances with both of them and now we’ve found a really solid roommate dynamic and even more so, a great friendship.
I’ve been living in this apartment for a few years with other roommates.
When the situation hit, our rent was able to be lowered by $250. Last year when I was searching for new roommates, our rent was still that reduced price so I advertised the rooms to fit that price assuming the rent wouldn’t go up. They were thrilled and decided to move in. However, by the time we all had to resign the lease, the rent went up $500.
I didn’t want to mislead them so they’ve been paying the same reduced price over the past year and I’ve compensated for the rest of the rent.
We are resigning the lease this week and I wanted to gently ask them to pay a little more for rent, nothing crazy but something that would match their rooms more (like $50-100 more maybe?
Even $100 sounds dramatic for me).
My room is slightly bigger than both of theirs so I’ll pay the most regardless, but right now I’m paying $1300 while they are paying $850. We also split utilities evenly between all of us. Would it be brutal to ask for a little more from both of them?
Of course I want to be conscious of what they can afford but our apartment is big for our neighborhood, has washer/dryer in unit (rare for my city), dishwasher, and central A/C and heat.
But I understand that this change in rent would be a shock to them when as far as they know, nothing has changed.
It’s probably clear from my post that I’m anxious about confrontation and I don’t want to ruin our dynamic. But AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s hard to answer because you aren’t a jerk for asking them to pay more, but you are a jerk for waiting this long.
You say you’re signing this week….when is the lease actually up? Do they have any time to think? And are they on the lease or is it just you? Do they know how much total rent is?” Usrname52
1. AITJ For Not Inviting My Sister-In-Law On Vacation?
“We’re heading to Charleston for a concert with our then-3-month-old baby in late September. It’s my husband’s favorite artist and his family adores Charleston.
I’m not a fan of my in-laws but I get it, grand-baby/niece is like so so exciting. This will be baby girl’s first vacation! And we love Charleston so we’re thrilled.
My in-laws aren’t big on travel so there’s very limited places they will go to but we know they like Charleston. We invited them to join us for two days of the trip saying we would love if they could watch baby during the concert. Though we did clear with doctors that she could go to the concert as long as she was a socially agreeable baby and wore headphones.
Pretty much as long as we aren’t causing her distress and of course I’d discard those concert tickets in a millisecond instead of make my baby uncomfortable but if she’s cool with it, even better!
We booked an Airbnb right in the city for four (and toddler). It’s small two-bed, 1 bath space but the location is great!
So we only invited my husband’s parents.
We told his sister about the plans and she got really upset we didn’t invite her. We told her the space was limited and already costing us $1100. We did not ask in-laws for a cent because we invited them and they would be doing us a solid.
She said she should’ve been invited and we should get an Airbnb that could accommodate her too. We looked and informed her that getting an Airbnb at the same price would put us in driving not walking distance of the French quarter or cost us an additional $500 to find something with another bed. We said if she wanted to cover the additional cost we’d be all in.
She said nothing in return.
She’s been sending us Airbnbs further from the city center (like on the beach) and saying it would be cheaper or about the same. I texted her and said we aren’t changing the location because I don’t want to drive baby home for every feeding/nap. She’s angry.
So am I the jerk for not inviting her? She didn’t technically say she wouldn’t pay the difference but her actions suggest no.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ SIL is not entitled to an invite. Period. It’s perfectly normal to invite just parents to do things with you/your spouse and not invite grown siblings.
It’s also normal to sometimes invite siblings and not parents. Not everything needs to be an event for the whole family, especially when the kids are all adults.” tan_sandoval
Another User Comments:
“NTJ For not inviting sister, but YWBTJ for bringing the baby to the concert. Also, is Charleston a 1 hour flight or 1 hour drive from your house?
Any longer, and you’re a huge jerk because that’s way too long for a 3-month-old. Leave the baby at home or cancel your trip. This is just absurd. Your chill baby won’t be so chill when you test these weird theories from your doctor.” MotherBike
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