People Question Their Actions In These Intriguing "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
32. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Sister's Wedding After Years Of Bullying And Lies?
“My sister (30F) and I (28F) used to be close as kids, but we no longer have a good relationship. Starting in middle school, she bullied me. When I was 9, one of my friends died and I was so devastated that I stopped eating and was hospitalized. During the first day of middle school (11yo), I found a note in my locker claiming to be from my dead friend’s brother.
The note said that my friend had always hated me, and that she must be happy to be away from me in death. Long story short, my sister wrote it because she thought it was funny.
In high school, my sister organized a “bullying network” to target me. She is still friends with my biggest bully, who she has told me repeatedly she values more than me because she “finally has someone who sees how I truly am.” My sister was also creepy throughout my teens.
She rummaged through trash looking for my used pads, then cried about how I wasn’t “sisterly” because I wouldn’t share when my period was. I have always felt hugely violated by this and it makes me sick to even type it.
We ended up going to uni near each other. She’d invite me over for celebratory events — her birthday, sorority events, presentations — and every single time, the way I celebrated wasn’t good enough.
I bought her a cake? It went in the trash, with her berating me for being so pathetic I would buy something so small. I bought her flowers? “You’re so worthless, you couldn’t even find a bouquet with flowers I like?” I refused to attend her sorority events, which led to her cussing me out.
When it came to my events, she either showed up and ruined them by insulting me the entire time (“It’s not like anything you achieve matters anyway”) or she just didn’t attend, like with my graduation.
After college, she stole funds, electronics, and beauty products. She has spread rumors about me. I’m thinner than her, so I’m bulimic.
I avoid being around her, so now I have BPD, NPD, ASPD. She makes up these lies and tells relatives, friends, acquaintances, and strangers. In the past 6 years, she has not spoken to me kindly unless she wants something from me; otherwise, she alternates between insulting me, accusing me of jealousy, screaming, and the silent treatment.
She also has this habit of inviting me places, acting like she wants to improve our relationship, and then bullying me the entire event. My heart’s crushed. I genuinely cannot take this anymore.
Recently, my sister got engaged and I refused to go to her party. My mom has been calling me daily, screaming at me that I’m selfish, I’m ruining my sister’s chance at happiness, I’m holding grudges, it’s my fault our relationship is so bad because I refuse to accept my sister for who she is, etc. My mom asked if I would attend the wedding; when I said no, she told me that she’s ashamed she raised a daughter who’s so uncaring and cruel, and that I really sicken and scare her.
AITJ?”
31. AITJ For Banning My MIL From Seeing My Daughter Because She Ignores My Son?
“I have 2 children, a son that’s 2 and a daughter that’s 2 months. So to get right to the point my MIL went from having no grandchildren to having 3 grandsons in the space of 13 months.
My son is the third grandson and my MIL never showed much of an interest in him. She didn’t visit at all in the first year and would never call to see how he was. Both myself and my husband would send her pictures and updates but she very rarely responded. At his first birthday party she showed up 2 hours late and left after about 45 minutes to go to her daughter’s house.
The way she acts with her other two grandsons has always been the complete opposite. She would visit them regularly and on the rare occasion she responded to pictures of our son it would be with pictures of the other two boys.
Fast forward to this year and our daughter was born. My MIL was delighted as it’s her first granddaughter.
She has visited us numerous times to see our daughter but completely ignores our son every time. He tries to interact with her and she says “not now I’m holding the baby” and other similar phrases. This bothers me as it hurts to see him pushed to the side like that. I feel if she’s not interested in her grandson then why be interested in her granddaughter?
I told her she couldn’t come to my home to exclude my son while interacting with and spoiling my daughter. She shows up with gifts for my daughter and never anything for my son. This resulted in an argument as she said she’s entitled to spoil her granddaughter if she wants to. I responded by telling her until she can treat my children equally she won’t be seeing either of them.
If she doesn’t want to buy anything for my son that’s perfectly fine, I don’t expect her to but I won’t have him growing up watching his sister get spoilt by her when he’s completely ignored by her. She called me an ungrateful person and left.
Since then my SIL and BIL have both said I’d be a jerk to deprive my daughter of that relationship and I just need to s*****t up for the sake of my daughter.
My husband agrees with me and is on my side completely, but their reaction has me doubting myself. So WIBTJ for not allowing my MIL to see my daughter because of how she treats my son.”
30. AITJ For Playing With My Friend's Daughter While He Was Out?
“I (29M) have been friends with Jack for 4 years. We work together, and recently Jack invited me over to work on a project. His wife Sarah and daughter were home. I’ve met his wife a few times, she’s always been nice to me. Their daughter, Mary is about 7 I think.
I said hello to them both, before Jack called me into his office.
After a while Sarah knocked and asked what cable they needed for their TV or something. After going back and forth with Jack trying to explain and Sarah getting confused, he finally said he’d just go with her to the electronic shop. He then said “as long as you’re alright to stay here with Mary?” I thought it was a bit odd that both of them were going but I said sure.
I carry on working. Half an hour maybe goes by and I head downstairs to make some coffee. Mary is playing in the kitchen, so I say something generic like “how’s your game going?” She starts chatting away at me (she’s a very sweet kid) and eventually asks if I want to play.
I glance at the clock and see it’s been 40 minutes since Jack and Sarah left, and I feel guilty about just walking away so I say sure, I have a few minutes. I text Jack asking if everything’s okay.
I play with Mary for maybe 10 minutes, making up silly voices for her toys which has her in stitches (kids are easily amused but it was really sweet) and it’s actually quite fun.
Well finally the front door opens and Sarah and Jack are back. Sarah asks what we’re up to so we tell her, but she seems irritated.
Jack tells Mary we have to go back to work, and we head into his office and continue until we’re too beat to carry on. As we head back downstairs, Jack gets a call and goes into the living room to take it.
Sarah comes up to me and asks to have a word.
She pulled me to one side and asked me why I thought it was okay to play with her daughter. That it was incredibly inappropriate, and why didn’t I stay in the study? I was taken aback and tried to apologize, telling her I’d just come down to make coffee and Mary had asked me to play and I felt bad saying no. Sarah then got really angry.
She basically said I’m a weirdo and a creep for wanting to play with her. I was shocked and hurt, but I felt awful and kept apologizing.
Jack came back into the kitchen, and Sarah said “I think OP has to leave now”.
She seemed cold and serious and I was so uncomfortable that I just stammered a goodbye and left.
I totally understand I might have crossed a boundary, and would never have interacted with a child by themselves in a different context.
I have no anger towards Sarah at all, just guilt. One of my friends said Sarah is overreacting but another says she would feel weird about it too. Anyway, I can’t help but feel a little hurt that she would call me a weirdo for something innocent, but also know that’s pretty self-centered since there are lots of messed up creepy people out there and she’s protecting her daughter.
AITJ for playing with Mary?”
29. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Friend Borrow My Life To Impress Her Family?
“My friend and I (both 25F) met in our freshman year of university, however 2 years into it she decided that she wanted to be a dancer, and law school wasn’t it for her, so she dropped out. Nobody in her family wanted her to study law because in our country being a lawyer is a pretty dangerous career if the wrong people hire you and you fail their cases, but she wanted it and so her family pretty much stopped talking to her after that.
When she dropped out I asked her if she was gonna tell her family and she said that she wasn’t since being a dancer wasn’t something they’d approve of anyway.
I consider her my best friend, however my husband (25M) doesn’t like her and says that she only causes drama and unsolicited problems. She says that he’s too frugal for her liking but they’re civil towards each other, and after a few beers they get along just fine.
Three days ago she came to my house and told me that she had something to ask, said that after so many years she started to long her family, her parents mostly and she wanted to reconnect with them. When she called them her parents answered, but that they had too many expectations, a good career, a house, a husband, and out of panic, she said yes to all of them and that she wanted to ”borrow” my life for a day or two.
She wants to invite her parents, show them that life was treating her well, and start something from there. My friend wanted to use my house, dogs, and husband and that during those 2 days, I could stay in her apartment or she’ll pay for a hotel.
I was shocked at first, I told her that the sole idea didn’t sound good and that if she wants to get her family back, maybe being honest was the best choice and that she could explain to them that she answered out of panic about “that perfect life.” She told me that I didn’t know her family and to please help her out, I said that as much as I wanted, I couldn’t do it because my dogs and mostly my husband weren’t some kind of objects to move and give as I pleased, that she could use the house as a safe place for the dinner, but she had to tell them that it wasn’t hers.
She called me unreasonable and left.
Now some of our friends (all females) told me that letting her do this for a day or two was harmless, that she knew her family better than anyone and she could fix things along the way, I told them that even if I do that she had to take some fake photos with my husband, buy some things to make the house ”hers” and that being honest would be much cheaper.
They called me a jerk for not helping her and that if she asked them, they would do it without hesitation. My friend asked for my life because at the end of the day, my husband knows her and it’ll be easier, she can’t have her partner do it because her parents don’t know she’s gay.”
28. AITJ For Refusing To Give Extra After My Siblings' Exploitative Behavior?
“My parents passed away in an accident last year. In the days following the accident (after having found the substantial life insurance policies, but no will) we agreed to split everything between my brother, sister, and me. I’m 27, brother 28, sister 34.
In the weeks after, my aunt and uncle reached out to help with the process.
My brother’s wife insisted we keep everything between ourselves because ‘situations like this can tear families apart when money gets involved’.
My sister-in-law jumped in and organized estate appointments. My brother quit his job to become the executor of my parents’ estates, and everyone moved into my parent’s house (where I was staying) to ‘help me’.
My sister quit her job shortly after.
We all agreed to sort out the financial stuff later and focused on surviving and mourning.
I have a chronic illness and live in America. My sister-in-law stepped in to help me pay for medicine (120$ a month at the clinic).
In 6 months we were selling my parents’ house.
My siblings had tallied every expense, including their ‘loss of wages’ and sent me a 60k bill.
Then inheritances were paid out. My brother and I got more than my sister. My brother and sister-in-law came up with a plan to give my sister some from each inheritance to equalize it.
While my brother did estate stuff, my sister-in-law contacted realtors to help sell the other properties my parents owned.
Now we’re selling the final property, and my sister-in-law proposed to ‘make it equal between all of us’ for all the work she put in, where we divide up the money from the house four ways. Me, my brother, my sister and my sister-in-law each get 1/4. She also added to this plan if anyone did not show up to agreed-upon work days (for repairs) 1% of their share (per day) would be taken and divided between the other three.
I could not make it to all the work days, due to that pesky chronic illness I mentioned before. I offered to come by the house to work on it when they weren’t present, but they all agreed that didn’t count because ‘how could they know’ I had done any work?
It’s time to sign the final papers to sell the house and I made my intent to not give anyone any extra funds clear.
I only feel I need to pay my sister-in-law for medicine.
My reasoning is if they are going to nickel and dime me, then perhaps the ‘loving’ family relationships I had always wanted don’t actually exist and they’re all in this for themselves. To me, they’ve made it clear that they aren’t and weren’t interested in any relationship with me beyond what they could get.
My sister is now texting my aunt (who doesn’t like my sister-in-law ‘helping’ this much) to ‘butt out’ and saying I am ‘in a manic episode’. (I don’t have bipolar).”
27. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Ex's Parents Into My Home And Pick Up Our Son?
“When I found out I was pregnant my ex and his family weren’t thrilled. They thought I had done it on purpose and that I was trying to both trap and ruin my ex’s life.
My ex’s parents tried very hard to get me to not have the baby, they even went so far as to try to bribe me to do it. When that didn’t work, they made a lot of threats about taking my son away from me and how he would grow up never knowing who I was.
In the end, I took the money and lied about having the procedure just so they would leave me alone. When my son was a year old my ex found out and his parents tried to make good on their threat. What followed was the most emotionally and financially draining experience of my life. My ex eventually seemed to realize it wasn’t in our son’s interest to do what his parents’ planned and stopped trying to take our son away from me, just when it looked like they were going to get what they wanted. Now I reluctantly co-parent with him and even though I try to be nice to him for our son’s sake I’ve refused to have anything to do with his family.
I accept my son will spend time with that side of his family, but I want no part of it.
So, I was shocked when they showed up on my doorstep and told me they had come to pick my son up because my ex was held up by a client meeting. I told them that he wouldn’t be going with them, and they can tell my ex to come and pick him up when he was done.
They asked me if they could come inside and see him since they hadn’t seen him in so long and they were already here. I didn’t even respond; I just slammed the door shut in their face. They kept knocking and I ignored it. I took my son in the garden as the doorbell isn’t so loud outside and distracted him until they stopped.
My ex called me over 10 times while they were still knocking but I ignored it, he also sent me a text saying it was his time and he had given permission for them to collect him. My ex ended up coming to my house long after our son had gone to bed, and he was furious.
We had a huge argument where he said his parents were our son’s family too and I had to let the past go. I told him I would never let it go and that I didn’t want his parents coming to my home ever again. My ex tried to say if I had forgiven him, I could forgive them too.
I’ve tried to keep my feelings on the matter to myself because it won’t help us co-parent, but I was so angry in the moment that I told him I hadn’t forgiven him, and I wish he would leave and never come back. Now he’s acting weird around me and even our son mentioned his dad seemed sad.
AITJ?”
26. AITJ For Filming My Homophobic Bully And Sharing It On TikTok?
“I am a high school student, and there’s this girl at school who talks a lot of crap about me for being gay, it’s pretty gross but the teachers don’t do a lot. I get the idea some of the teachers don’t exactly disagree with the crap she says, it is not a very progressive area.
My school makes us use clear or mesh bags so we can’t hide anything but it has actually helped me film the girl because I can just put my phone in my bag facing out.
Anyway, I made a couple of TikToks of her most funny ‘homophobic hot takes’ just random super uninformed nonsense she says, like so wrong it’s funny.
Like saying crap about gay women being into girls peeing or their moms? Over each video, I caption it with corrections, like trying to debunk misinformed homophobic stuff.
A couple of the videos blew up, even though it’s pretty unpleasant to deal with at school, I guess people find it funny to watch someone be such a dummy.
Here’s where I might be kind of a jerk, I have started baiting her into saying dumb nonsense a little bit. Like wearing a pride shirt when I know she will be in class, or saying something in health class about how the education they’re giving isn’t really applicable to a decent chunk of the population.
Both those times she had crap to say about that, especially the health class time.
Anyway, this weekend my parents found my TikTok, one of their friends had found my account. And they wanted to know what was going on at school.
I had to tell them this girl was giving me trouble at school and I thought it would be funny to share some of the ways homophobes are super dumb and misinformed and kinda make a project of debunking the sort of nonsense homophobic people say to show other people who might be the target of the same nonsense how wrong and dumb it was.
My parents didn’t think it was cool or educational at all, they felt like me filming at school was the wrong way to deal; that I should tell them and a teacher, instead of what I did that invaded the girl’s privacy. I said the teachers believe the same nonsense she does, and I felt like what I did was more useful because I was educating people on how homophobic opinions are stupid and uninformed and honestly I didn’t feel like I was invading her privacy because she was the one choosing to come up to me with this crap, she could have privacy if she simply didn’t…
Anyway, my school found out too and I’m suspended for using my phone to record in school. But coincidentally school went remote again when I was suspended, and they let me in the remote classes, so there was no real impact.
The girl has stopped giving me crap or even talking to me at all, I know her parents and the school have been in touch, so maybe that’s related or maybe it’s just that school is remote?
IDK.
AITJ for filming a girl bullying me at school and putting her on blast on TikTok?
Edit:
I live in a state that is one party consent for recording, I didn’t break the law recording in the hallway or cafeteria or auditorium.
I go to a private school that prohibits having a phone on during school.
I did break a school rule by having my phone on.
My school is not likely to be much help, it is a Christian school that has terms in its morality code that ban homosexual behavior. So bringing this to my school would more likely put my education at risk than help me.
My parents aren’t a lot of help either, they think I should pretend to be straight for the next 3 and a half years of school until I graduate.
Our ages: I am 15 and she is a senior in high school so I would guess 17 or 18.”
25. AITJ For Insisting On Buying The Last Pizza After A Long Wait?
“So long story short I realised I hadn’t had a Greggs for a while and decided to drive over to get a pizza and a sausage roll. Bear in mind the nearest Greggs to me is about a 25-minute drive (+25 minutes back) so not exactly a ‘short trip’.
I got there and noticed there was only one pizza left. I’m not sure what the person in front of me ordered but for whatever reason it took them around 10 minutes to sort his order out without taking my order.
A queue started to form behind me.
While waiting a woman and her kid come in, I’ve been eyeing this pizza up for the past 10 minutes and all of a sudden from behind me I hear ‘oh there’s only one pizza left! Let’s hope no one gets it! Excuse me, do you have any more pizzas?’ To which the Greggs lady replied ‘sorry we’ve ran out for the day now’ (it was 4:45 and the store closed at 5 pm so reasonable).
The guy directly behind me instantly turns round and says ‘oh I was going to get that but don’t worry you can get it I don’t mind’. Great. I realize at this point I need to say something and tbh, I just did a 50-minute round trip purely for this piece of darn pizza. I’m normally an empathetic person but traffic was building up, I’d already waited a long time and at this point, I was extremely hungry.
So I decide to turn around and politely say ‘I’m very sorry but I’m actually going to take the pizza, I’ve been here for a while and been looking forward to it!’ And oh boy did I open the gates to a bad situation. This Karen’s nostrils flared open, her eyes widened and her pupils morphed into soul-sucking black holes, an icy chill filled the air around the whole store, people in the local vicinity stopped what they were doing and turned around in stunned disbelief (I may be exaggerating slightly here).
But she stared me directly into my eyes and said ‘oh well I’m sure you’ll survive without won’t you.’ Everyone in the queue laughed, I wasn’t sure where to go from here so I just laughed and turned back round. Anyway, it got to my time to order and I ordered the pizza and from behind I heard ‘are you kidding me?!’ I turn around to angry Karen and literally everyone in the queue behind me giving me the worst looks I’d ever seen.
I felt like I was on trial for murder. I hurriedly paid for my stuff and rushed out the door all the while the Karen was on a huge rant I wasn’t really listening to and literally the entire store was looking at me like I’d just killed someone.
I just can’t stop thinking about this situation and genuinely need to know, was I a jerk here?”
24. AITJ For Making My Partner Pay My Medical Bills After He Triggered My Peanut Allergy?
“I (21f) have been with my partner (24m) for 4 years. We are both in college and don’t have a lot of funds altogether because of that. I have more funds saved up but that’s only for college so I don’t really even consider them funds that I have (If that makes sense).
So I am deathly allergic to peanuts and it has been this way my whole life, I was told even the smallest spec could kill me.
I have been very careful and in my entire life, I’ve only had to use my EpiPen twice.
My partner knows this, yet he continues to eat peanut products but I just make sure not to kiss him when he has had something peanut that day, until he washes, etc. Personally, I never liked that he just didn’t stop because I feel like he was putting me in danger but I also couldn’t force him to stop either and it has worked for the past four years.
What happened: So he came over into my dorm and we were just hanging out and he kissed me and a couple of minutes later I could feel my throat swelling and my lips getting bigger, I instantly knew that I was having an allergic reaction. I grabbed my EpiPen and shot it into my leg and told my partner to take me to the ER.
Even with the EpiPen I was struggling and was nearly passing out, my partner was really freaking out too. Once I got to the ER I was taken in and the last I remember was passing out in the wheelchair.
I woke up and my reaction was down and I was having the side-effects of the adrenaline, but overall okay.
I got my phone out and my phone was blown up with apologies on how he forgot he ate a Reeses cup and he was so sorry and to please forgive him.
Once I finally got home and settled down (My parent picked me up) I told my partner he should be responsible for my medical bill and a new EpiPen (The other one my school has) and he was telling me he has no funds and he can’t, and that I have more funds than him, etc. I was pretty angry at him because he just nearly killed me and now he won’t even take responsibility for my medical bills.
Well, word got out to his family and I received rude texts from his mom saying it’s my allergy so I should have to pay the medical bill, and I was the one irresponsible. I got mad and texted my partner saying it was dumb to bring his mom into this then proceeded to say if he doesn’t I’m going to take him to small claims court because I don’t have an extra $5,000 to spare for a medical bill.
He got very upset and I’m pretty sure our relationship is over now.
I’ve gotten a lot more texts from his mom now, and from his sisters and I’m choosing to ignore them. My parents agree with me that I should go and do that, but I’m just not sure.
So WIBTJ?
edit: I would also like to say in the past (and I have on texts) we’ve agreed if he had any peanuts he needed to tell me, which he did not this time.”
23. AITJ For Scolding My Stepson For Disrespecting My Late Father's Marine Uniform And Flag?
“I (35F) have been married to my husband (38M) for 4 years now. He had a son (15M) from a previous relationship and he’s a sweet, caring young man. We have a good relationship because we respect each other’s boundaries and feelings.
He’s been saying since he was a young boy (according to his father) that he wanted to enlist in the Marines after high school.
This is something we bonded over because my father was a Marine as well. He passed away just a year before I met my husband.
I showed him my father’s dress blue uniform and the burial flag I received at his funeral. I was the next of kin so I received all his military belongings.
While I showed him because he was interested, I asked him not to touch anything. I get the uniform dry-cleaned twice a month to keep it from collecting dust. The uniform was in a garment bag in my closet and the flag was in a shadow box in the living room.
His friends were over one day and I got home to notice the flag was not on its shelf.
I panicked and rushed to my stepson’s room and found him WEARING my father’s uniform and the flag was out of the box and unfolded on his bed.
I saw red and immediately started tearing into him after I told his friends to leave the house. I scolded him for being disrespectful and doing exactly what I told him NOT to do.
He was genuinely apologetic and said his friends were the ones to take the flag out. I didn’t care because he allowed them to do this so he teared up when I told him he disgraced my father’s things and if he couldn’t follow simple instructions at home he’d never be able to make it in the Marines.
My husband was on my side, but told me I was too harsh with my comment. This happened last week and since then my stepson has been extremely sad and quiet when he’s usually a happy and talkative kid. I feel bad for yelling but I told him not to touch it and he did just that, plus made it worse by wearing the uniform and unfolding the flag.
I did apologize for my comment about his future, but I told him I don’t regret scolding him for doing what I told him not to do and he’s still very upset with himself and won’t let it go.
AITJ for scolding him when he did exactly what I told him not to do?”
22. AITJ For Kicking Out My Rude And Ungrateful Sister During Thanksgiving?
“Husband (30M) & I (30F) have 3 kids (8, 5, 1). My mom (60F) lives with us. My sister (25F) & her partner (25M) flew in to spend the week with us.
Sister is vegan & gluten-free. Partner has a nut allergy. For Thanksgiving, I decided to make everyone’s favorite foods.
I inquired ahead of time with everyone. Sister chose some things including a dish we had as kids. It has nuts, cheese, gluten & wouldn’t have tasted good adapted so I left it out.
Mom’s birthday was also this week so I planned an outing & dinner at home. I made a display/tower of sushi with labels/ingredient lists for everything.
I paid for most of my sister and partner’s meals &/or cooked all meals, ensuring they met dietary needs. They stayed in a hotel a 3-minute walk from me. They brought their dog & even though I’m allergic to dogs, he stayed with us during the day. I gave her partner a spare EpiPen as they couldn’t afford one for his nut allergy.
All of this to say, I have been more than accommodating and considerate.
So, my sister is rude. She tells people to shut up or says “that’s dumb” when she doesn’t agree. I always make sure to say “that isn’t nice” in front of my kids.
She wants my older 2 to spend the night at the hotel with her one night.
I said we’ll see how they behave, please don’t mention it as I don’t want their hopes up for nothing. She mentions it to them right away.
She told my daughter to spit on me as a joke. Her excuse “I knew she wouldn’t actually do it”. She makes “jokes” that are not funny. Will say something hurtful & when people get offended, says “I’m joking!”
Constantly undermines my parental authority. For example, my son does something not okay so I intervene & she puts her hand up to my face, and says “just go away”
There’s plenty more. So, 2 days go by of this. Me constantly saying “you can’t act this way/treat people like that” (being nice as my kids are watching) & her brushing me off, saying shut up/whatever.
Thanksgiving. We just started to eat. My mom says how thankful she is that I cooked everybody’s favorites. Sister says “Except me, I wanted X dish”. I explained that we couldn’t make it work, that I made her Y and Z, plus adapted 3 other dishes to meet her needs. She kind of scoffs.
I calmly (kids watching) tell her that since she’s gotten here she’s been rude, selfish, & ungrateful.
I’d like her to apologize or she can leave. She starts with attitude “okay first of all-“. I cut her off. Apologize or get out. She argues. Back and forth for about a minute & I lose it, raise my voice, stand up. Husband ushers kids upstairs. Once they’re gone I lose it. I yell get the freak out.
She refuses, is now starting to cry/apologize. “I’m so sorry. I never knew I upset you” etc. I say if she would listen she would’ve heard my dozens of objections up to this point. She finally leaves after partner & mom drag her out.
I don’t think a request for an apology was outrageous & I think she made it all 9999x worse with her refusal/arguing, but was I the jerk for kicking her out?”
21. AITJ For Letting My Wife Wear A Diamond Necklace I Gifted Her To A Family Dinner?
“For starters, I absolutely adore my wife. She’s my rock and has been an infallible beacon of light for me this year.
I lost my job at the beginning of the year, and when things got tough she buckled up, got a part-time job to help us stay afloat, and didn’t have a single negative thing to say about it all.
I finally got back on my feet again and wanted to do something nice for my wife once things settled down.
She’s a classic ‘girly girl’ and loves to dress up, go out, etc. We really cut back this year, so when our finances felt stable, I wanted to splurge on something special for her. I bought her a diamond necklace, nothing too extravagant (we JUST got out of financial straits, I’m not turning around and blowing money I don’t have).
It’s a single solitaire diamond that IMO was classy and elegant, but something she could wear on the daily.
Cue to Thanksgiving dinner, and my wife wears the necklace to dinner. Her SIL (her brother’s wife, I’ll call her ‘Mary’) notices the necklace and compliments my wife on it. My wife happily tells her how it was a surprise, and Mary agrees that it was a super sweet sentiment, compliments me on my choice, and overall the family thought it was a nice gift, especially knowing that we went through hard times.
A few days after dinner, I received a text message from the BIL calling me a jerk for using Thanksgiving dinner to ‘show off’ and make it ‘all about me’. He said that I shouldn’t have let my wife wear such flashy jewelry to dinner and upstage everyone else, and that it was super selfish and conceited of us.
I was stunned to be honest, because the necklace discussion only lasted several minutes, maybe 5-10, and the rest of the family only had nice things to say about it. They seemed genuinely happy for me and my wife.
I’m starting to feel like a jerk because it’s true that the family isn’t incredibly well off, and something like my wife’s necklace would be seen as something very luxurious.
My BIL says that I’m now putting pressure on him to get his wife something extravagant for Christmas. On the other hand though, I don’t feel like it’s really my responsibility to care about how BIL feels about a gift I got for my wife, and that if he feels ‘pressure’ it’s not on me.
I don’t know, was I the jerk for talking about the gift during dinner?”
20. AITJ For Wanting To Block My Dog's Former Owner Who Keeps Harassing Me?
“Beginning of December I rescued a dog, Alex. He was kept in a playpen for 95% of his life.
He went for one daily walk at night and slept in his crate. David and Maria were the original owners of Alex. David is my ex-uncle. David has bipolar, and both are manipulative people. Maria is compulsively clean. I am an autistic individual; who is very easily manipulated.
My cousin Anna (David’s daughter) calls me one night and explains that David and Maria need to get rid of Alex.
They cannot afford/want him anymore. I agree to take Alex for a trial run at my house JUST to see if he will get along with my current dog Mindy. (Made clear) So the day comes that I have arranged with David to pick Alex up and everything goes very well until the end when he asks my mom to make a “donation”.
We say we’ll send something if all works out.
Things are going very well and I receive a text from David “we agreed on a trial run” and I say “yes we did, things are going very well with the dogs together.” I am extremely nervous because I know David’s past so I want to finalize keeping Alex asap.
I shoot him a message offering $500 for Alex. I get a sob story back about how Maria missed Alex and is promising if Alex comes back she’ll give him more freedom. Both David and I knew that wasn’t true. Maria goes as far as threatening to harm herself. I call Anna and her sister because I am distraught over sending Alex back to a bad situation where I know he will be mistreated. Later that night he agrees to take $500 for Alex.
My parents wrote a little statement that by accepting the payment he is giving my family full ownership, final sale no returns. David agrees to it over message. The payment is sent and received.
A couple of days later we call the vet about transferring ownership which David needs to do. David calls the vet and does that but attaches a stipulation of coming over to my house later that day to see Alex.
So I agreed and I let him come to see Alex much to my mom’s chagrin since David and my mom do not get along. He wants to bring Maria but I told him I was uncomfortable having her in my house because of the drama. He doesn’t bring her. The visit went as fine as it could’ve.
David seems to be satisfied and leaves.
Now I’m getting messages daily from David that are demanding and anxiety-inducing messages that I don’t know how to fully reply to. I don’t like being rude or mean to people. I never agreed to talk to David on a regular basis or let him make regular visits but I told him if he wanted pictures to just shoot me a message.
Ultimately I am just afraid he’ll take Alex back. He makes my family uncomfortable and just won’t let up. I have tried muting him so I can reply when I want to but I’ve just become afraid to go on social media in case there is a message waiting for me. Am I the jerk if I just block him and move on with my life?”
19. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Doctor's Concierge Fee Before Getting My MRI Results?
“I’ve been seeing my cardiologist for about a year now trying to figure out the cause of my debilitating chest pain and shortness of breath. He’s an excellent doctor. We’ve ruled out basic things and are now looking into rarer causes.
At our last appointment, he ordered a special MRI, and if the result comes back positive, he’s going to refer me to a super-specialist cardiologist who would be better equipped to treat the condition.
As I was leaving, the receptionist mentioned they’re now instituting a $700-year concierge fee on top of PPO insurance co-pays. She said that in order to continue seeing the doctor I’d have to pay. I told her I would think about it and left.
Later that week the receptionist called me and again asked if I wanted to continue with the $700 concierge fee.
I told her I was still thinking about it but that she could send me the paperwork and I would read the fine details. A couple of weeks passed and she calls me again, and says I need to make a decision on whether I plan on paying. I say ok, but that I want to see what the results are of this upcoming MRI before deciding.
She sounds annoyed but says ok and we leave it at that.
Two weeks go by, and the Friday before the MRI, the imagining center calls me and tells me my insurance has refused to authorize it and that my doctor will need to call my insurance and do what’s called a “peer to peer” where he talks to the insurance company doctor.
I call the doctor’s office and ask the receptionist if he can call. She says something weird about the insurance company’s phone reception being bad when the doctor tried to call which makes no sense as it’s one of the largest insurance companies in the US. Nonetheless, she promises he’ll talk to them before the MRI.
Fast forward to today the day before the MRI. I call the imaging center and find out the MRI still hasn’t been approved and that I’ll have to move it out another month. A couple of hours later my doctor’s receptionist calls me and says the doctor spoke to insurance and that the MRI got approved. I say that’s great, but that it’s already been rescheduled. Without missing a beat she starts pressuring me again to pay the $700 concierge fee and potentially an additional $800 fee for him to do primary care as well.
I again tell her that I’m waiting for the result of the MRI and depending on what they are I will decide. She says that I need to make a decision now, and a long awkward pause passes. She finally says “what are you going to do?” I say, “I’m going to wait until I get the results” and she says that I took the doctor’s time away from the other patients by asking him to do the peer-to-peer.
I reply that that’s a normal part of being a doctor and the fees my PPO insurance has already paid have covered that and that the concierge fee is for services going forward. She says “ok I’ll let the doctor know what you said” and I say “ok thanks” and she quickly hangs up without saying goodbye.
AITJ?”
18. AITJ For Reporting My Husband's Doctor After He Shared Medical Information With My Meddling Mother-in-Law?
“I wanna start by saying that my F33 husband M28 has been sick for over 8 months now. I won’t get into details but his condition is serious.
Ever since he got sick I started getting constantly criticized by his mother. She tends to act so overprotective of him as her only child and she’d constantly pick at me and blame me for everything from him getting an infection or fever saying I’m not keeping the house clean or sanitizing enough. To him staining the sheets or his clothes with vomit then she’d come at me saying I was being neglectful for not changing him quick enough.
While all she does is sit around all her visits until I had an argument with her and she no longer comes over. As a result, she no longer got updates on my husband’s condition. She tried snooping around and then publicly called me out for keeping her from seeing her son even though she visited him at the hospital a week ago.
Apparently, she visited his doctor and discussed his condition. I found out when my husband’s uncle called to berate me saying my husband suffers from a skin disease (which is recent) because of my lack of care. I was confused and asked how he knew. He directed me to the social media post my mother-in-law made.
Turned out she took medical information from my husband’s doctor and shared it in a social media post with everyone using the title “this is what my son’s wife doesn’t want me to know” then she went on to say my husband was getting worse by the hour under my care or lack of and proceeded to say I was doing this to punish her and had others agree that what I was doing was “appalling” and “disgraceful”.
I was so mad because my in-laws came at me after this post.
I was mostly mad at my husband’s doctor. I had an argument with him and told him I won’t be letting this slide after he said I misunderstood the situation. I threatened to report him for his misconduct and refused to sit down for a talk.
My family got involved and supported me since this wasn’t fair but they said I should leave the doctor alone and out of my in-laws’ drama since he didn’t lie or agree to fabricate some false info if my mother-in-law asked. They told me to step down about reporting him and just focus on my husband’s health but my brother said “do it!
Because it’s the doctor who gave your sad excuse of a mother-in-law ammo to come at you like that”. I ended up reporting him and was criticized for going through with my threat.
Am I wrong for this?
To clarify: my husband’s doctor was informed of the situation with my mother-in-law and she doesn’t have direct permission to access medical information unless it’s through me or my husband.
My husband’s current reaction is anger. He’s already struggling mentally with his illness and his mother’s behavior has made things worse.”
17. AITJ For Booking A Hotel To Alleviate Thanksgiving Accommodation Issues?
“My family is growing and we’ve decided to have Thanksgiving at my parents’ (mom and stepdad) house. With only 3 bedrooms there is not enough room for everyone (3 siblings, 2 married, 2 grandkids). I knew my mom wanted the grandkids to stay with her, so I opted to stay at my Aunt’s house 45 mins away. My stepdad insisted that my sister get her own room and my brother’s family pile into the other room.
In the past, space has been an issue for Thanksgiving and my brother and his family are always miserable because no one sleeps when all in a room together.
It boiled over earlier this week when my brother and I were speaking on the phone. He was incredibly upset that no one cared about the comfort of his family, but felt like he had to stay at their house because my mom really wants the grandkids to stay with her.
My wife suggested we look at a hotel room close to their house so we can be closer and offer my sister to stay with us with 2 queen beds in a room. Rooms were cheap enough, so I booked a room that could be canceled. I let my sister and mom know of the plan and they were on board.
Mom asked me not to say anything to stepdad and that it should come from her. I let my brother know and he said I shouldn’t have to get a room. But I felt like it was the only way to ensure everyone was comfortable and I got the huge benefit of staying 10 mins away instead of 45 mins away.
My mom told my step dad and he is angry. He feels like I went behind his back and made all the decisions about what’s going on in his house. He has accused me of doing this for glory and disrespecting him. Apparently their plan was for my mom and step dad to suggest that the 2 and 4-year-olds stay with my sister and their grandparents while my brother and his wife get a hotel room.
Not only do I not think they would go for it, but it’s wrong to spring that on someone with such short notice.
Yesterday I spoke with my step dad and we came to an understanding. I apologized for not talking to him about it before I talked to my brother about it. But the more I thought on it throughout the day, the more I felt this was about his ego and about his perception of power.
Even after I tried to eat crow and be the bigger person, he said he was going to a friend’s 3 hours away for Thanksgiving and no longer wanted to be involved.
We talked again this morning and I was fed up. I unloaded on him. I feel like his ego and his whole “my house my decision” thing is nonsense.
I don’t need his permission to get a hotel. I don’t need his permission to invite my sister to stay there. I don’t need his permission to fill my brother in on the change of plans. He still gets to make the choice about what goes on in his house. But he is mad because now if my brother and his family don’t get both bedrooms, he looks like a petty jerk.
AITJ for getting involved when I had already removed myself from the situation to try and make things better?
Info: Stepdad has been around for 4 years.”
16. AITJ For Not Following My Parents' Specific Household Routines When I Visit?
“My parents (65) are very set in their ways. Always have been, but as is pretty normal, it’s gotten worse with age. They are otherwise very reasonable and understanding people, but have become very inflexible about their everyday routines.
Because they’re overseas, I (40) visit them only once every 1-2 years for two weeks and stay with them in their home.
Every time, we get into arguments about how things are done at their home. I knew growing up that they like it neat (and so do I now that I’m grown up), so I make sure I keep my stuff in the guest room and am mindful not to leave any extra work for them.
20 years ago they mentioned once that they don’t like how their kids come home and act like they’re in a hotel on vacation, so I took that to heart and try to help with household chores as much as possible while there.
Emphasis is on “try” because everything in their home has to be done exactly the way they do it.
The shower has to be cleaned in a certain 10-step process every time after you use it. Food has to be eaten at certain times and the table needs to be set in a specific way. The dishwasher has to be loaded in the exact way they do it. For cooking, they have very specific utensils and bowls that have to be used for certain types of food and recipes.
At least the clothes washing, my mom never wanted anyone to meddle with, so I don’t have to get into the millions of rules about how to do that.
Note that I’m very successfully doing all these household chores all day long at my own house, but I just don’t have that specific way how to do things, as long as it gets done.
I’m also very happy about other people doing things differently than me as long as they take on some chores, that’s all that matters. If I don’t have to do it, I don’t care how it’s done.
So last time I visited my parents, they said that they find it disrespectful that I don’t try harder to learn their ways and how things are done in their house.
I told them that I would need a written manual and that my stay at their house would feel like an entire chore, rather than a pleasant visit. I’m already doing chores and the work gets done successfully, that should be enough in my opinion.
So, AITJ for that?
Just a side note, the reverse also leads to issues.
Every time they visit us, my husband and I get annoyed by them assuming we have just as many rules and asking about everything how we’d like them to do it. I don’t expect them to do any chores, but they like to help. When they try to help with cooking, they ask me about every single utensil and bowl and which pot to use.
I’m like, just use whichever you like and think fits the food. Here are all the knives, the bowls, the pots, pick whichever. They don’t even try to load the dishwasher, by the way, because they believe they don’t know how we like it done. Even after I told them to just put it in however, they’d rather not to make sure not to upset us.
That’s how strongly they feel about their dishwasher.”
15. AITJ For Leaving A Family Gathering Due To Their Fear Of Our Puppy?
“My spouse (31M) and I (32F) recently got a new puppy. The puppy is currently 9 weeks old, a mutt of some sort. This long Thanksgiving weekend there was a family gathering with my spouse’s family at an Airbnb. My spouse reached out to his dad, who coordinated the Airbnb, and asked if it would be okay with the Airbnb owners if we brought the puppy along.
My FIL asked the owners and they were fine with it so we brought the puppy.
As soon as we got there, my spouse’s siblings (29F, 28F, and 20M) and his mother started avoiding us. They didn’t talk to us pretty much the entire first evening we arrived, wouldn’t even make eye contact.
Turns out they’re all terrified of dogs and were uncomfortable with the puppy. The pattern continued the next morning and so I asked my husband if he could talk to his family and see if we should try to find a shelter or leave. I was also annoyed that the fact they’re afraid of dogs didn’t come up when we asked if we could bring the puppy in the first place.
My husband didn’t want to confront his family and things were getting more awkward, to the point his family would walk away from me if I tried to go up to them just me and start a conversation. I got tired of this so I packed up my things and the puppy’s things and me and the puppy left to go home.
My husband asked me not to go but I said it wasn’t worth staying if everyone was going to have a bad time.
When I got on the road I started getting a bunch of text messages about how sorry they were if they had offended me and that they were just afraid of dogs and to please come back.
I did and when I got back I expected us to finally talk about things. Instead, everyone had left to run errands which was fine. But they still wouldn’t really talk to me when they got back. I would try to start conversations or try to get people to play board games and they would always leave the room I was in and go off and do things together in the other room.
My husband says I shouldn’t have left without trying to talk in the first place because this upset them and that with the exception of being afraid of the puppy, nothing was wrong at the beginning of the trip and I was imagining things. But I feel like I tried to approach them and they would walk away from me.
Maybe I imagined that. But I also asked him to talk to them before I left and he wouldn’t.
Am I the jerk? Should I have just stayed? Was I imagining things?”
14. AITJ For Being Upset That My Wife Refused To Help Decorate The Christmas Tree?
“I am an atheist. My wife is religious.
My parents are split and I grew up with a terrible dad. I told myself that when I have a child I don’t want to be anything like him. Christmas is one of the only holidays I care about, it’s when everyone is around family and is happy.
I wanted my child to have these moments.
My wife says that holidays like Christmas or Halloween are pagan and we aren’t allowed to celebrate them. I tried giving kids candy one year for Halloween and she became upset. We both agreed that when we had a child we would start celebrating Christmas for at least a few years (we both celebrated as kids).
Our daughter was born this year and we planned Christmas. Her mother visited us last week, when I told her how we were doing Christmas this year she made a face and went “ugh, that pagan holiday.” We all went to the store and got a tree, lights, and her mother even bought us a reindeer decoration.
After that day I noticed my wife seemed indifferent about Christmas.
Yesterday I started to set up the tree. I was having trouble and asked for help. She said jokingly that she wasn’t helping. Eventually I asked again for help, and she wouldn’t come near the tree. I asked if she was serious and she replied “yes, you’re doing Christmas so you do the tree.” I asked if she was at least going to do the lights or even touch the tree, she said no to both.
We started arguing and she basically said she never wanted to do Christmas to begin with and she was “allowing” us to have a tree. I got upset and said I would be returning everything. I took down the tree and threw it back in the box. She asked what I was doing, and I yelled that she ruined Christmas.
She told me to leave the reindeer her mother bought. I returned everything else.
The next day I said that she lied to me by agreeing to do it with me and then not wanting to participate. I also blamed her for allowing her mother to influence her. She got upset at me for calling her a liar and thinking her mother had any influence, then left.
She texted me that I misunderstood her and she would have done the lights once I did the tree. I called her a liar and reminded her that she told me no when I explicitly asked her if she would help with the lights or even touch the tree.
She came back and I told her that she ruined such an important family memory that I wanted to make for us and just because you put up a tree doesn’t mean you now believe in a different god or whatever.
I reminded her that I do things I don’t believe in all the time for her (church once, prayers, etc.), and the fact that she would even go near a tree is crazy. At this point I started crying. I’ve never cried in front of her and I almost never cry in general. She then offered to help with the lights, but I’d still have to do the tree myself.
I said that it was too late and that the memory was ruined. I told her this was important to me years before we even had a baby.”
13. AITJ For Wanting To Discuss My Brother's Priorities As A Single Parent?
“I’m (42f) the eldest of three, with a brother, R (40m), and a sister P (38f). I am child-free. R has 3 kids, F (14f), L (11m), and T (7f).
P also has 3 kids. I live quite a distance away from the rest. I’d been parentified as a child and I have always been the fixer, the problem solver, the helper, etc. Last year, R’s wife passed away from cancer. I traveled home as much as I could to help out, but couldn’t be there when she passed or for the burial and due to travel restrictions.
My brother and his kids are doing well. The kids had a lot of involvement with therapy, knew what was happening with their mom and while they miss her they know they have a strong family for support. F has had the hardest time, but she’s doing ok. However, she’s not keeping up with her personal hygiene.
I was talking to my sister recently and she mentioned that she and others have noticed that F smells. When P talked to F about it, F said that she was too tired when they got home at night, sometimes as late as 11 pm or midnight, and that she didn’t have time in the mornings because she’d be up late doing her homework and sleeping in, then rushing to leave the house for school.
The reason they’re home so late is because of my brother’s hobbies. He plays 4 different sports and has practice in the evenings, and he’s in a choir too that also practices in the evenings for a big competition happening this week, when he’ll be singing every night and all day Saturday. He’s on a year off work at the moment but he’s due to start work again in the new year, and although he will be able to do mostly clinics so he can be there for the kids, he will have to do some shifts occasionally to keep up his skills.
He’s managing to do all these different things because everyone has stepped in to babysit for him, particularly his in-laws who feel that he shouldn’t miss out just because he’s a single parent. But it’s having a major impact on the kids. They’re rarely at home, and when they are they’re tired.
I’m visiting soon.
WIBTJ if I talked to him about all of this and gently told him he is a single parent, the kids’ needs come first, and he has to give up his hobbies for the time being and focus on the kids? I’m not there all the time, I’m not part of the babysitting circle, but my sister does a lot of the babysitting.
It’s even impacting my sister’s kids when my brother isn’t picking up his kids til late at night (they can’t stay over, they’re in different towns and go to different schools).
I appreciate my brother needs to heal and have some fun in his life, but even I don’t have time for that many evenings out a week while running my household, and it’s just me and my husband plus our 2 dogs.
IMO he needs to buckle down to being a parent to his kids for now. When they’re older he can pick up his hobbies again. But can I even have an opinion when I’m not there?”
12. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Adopted Sister's Birthday With Her Biological Family?
“I have a 14-year-old younger sister named Elise. Our parents adopted her as a baby. From what Elise has told me, her biological parents gave her up because they didn’t want more children but didn’t want to terminate the pregnancy. She didn’t find that out until later, our parents told her that her original parents couldn’t keep her, but love her.
We’ve always gotten along. I was still a baby when she was born and adopted and honestly Eli has always been my favorite sibling, I never cared that she was adopted. All of us love her, she’s always been treated as family and accepted as far as I can remember. Mum and dad clearly love her as much as the rest of us.
However, at the start of this year, her biological mother reached out to her. Elise was happy about it and got close to them. She has her mum, dad, and two older siblings. On its own I guess that’s good, though I’m still worried they’ll abandon her again. Elise visits them so much and even wants to try living there next year.
Mum and Dad are really hurt, but they told her that if they continue to treat her well in the meantime they’ll let her choose, but want her to stay. Elise is choosing the people who abandoned her over her family. Mum and Dad are pretending it’s fine, but I can see how much it hurts them.
Our sisters and I feel that she’s making a mistake, and shouldn’t choose b***d over her family.
Next week is Elise’s birthday. We’ve always had traditions for how we spend them. But now she’s decided to spend the day at her biological family’s house. I didn’t like it but tried to stay silent, but then she said she wanted to have her special birthday dinner there.
I told her that if she does I’m not going. She got upset but I reminded her that we have a family tradition. She asked me who would give her the big brother speech if I don’t go and I got annoyed. I told Eli she’s always telling me how much cooler and smarter and tougher her ‘real’ brother is, so just ask him.
She left and went to Mum and Dad crying afterward. I know it’s bad I made her cry, but she’s constantly choosing them over us, so why should I just be happy about this?
Still, Mum and Dad were upset with me and told me that it was a horrible thing to say and I should apologize.
My older sister defended me saying how Elise was clearly choosing them anyway. We argued a bit, before Dad sent us to our rooms. I’m grounded for treating Elise that way, but it’s fine for her to act like her real family means less than having the same b***d. It’s not fair. I’ve always been there for her, we were so close.
I was the first one she went to for help, I was always there to play or cheer her up or protect her. But she wants to leave us all for them. She just wants them, so I’m letting her have them. If she’s going to choose them I shouldn’t be in trouble for staying out.”
11. AITJ For Not Giving My Mom My Emergency Savings Fund?
“My (16F) mom is a single mom of 6, including me, they range from 2 to 14, the three oldest (12, 14, and me) try to help her as much as we can since she has two jobs. My dad and I get along just fine, he and my grandparents have given me an amount of money per month ($300) since I turned 13.
I usually took $100 for my things, I give her $100 for bills and I return $100 to my dad to have an ’emergency’ fund since one of my brothers and I have asthma and I want to make sure that I have money all the time. My mom doesn’t know about my ’emergency fund’ and thinks that I only get $200 a month.
She respects ‘my income’ most of the time but with 6 kids and a big house she exhausts all of hers pretty quickly, so when my siblings want something like pizza, clothes, or some ‘fun funds’ or things she asks to ‘share’, I do it because I love my siblings but sometimes I think it’s unfair since I already give her $100.
Two days ago one of my brothers (9) broke his ankle while playing outside and we had to take him to the hospital, when my mom tried to pay they declined her card and she freaked out, I called my dad and asked him to drop some of my emergency money for the bill and the medicine, he did and we came home.
When we were alone in the kitchen she asked me for the money and I told her that I had some aside since my grandpa recommended me to have an ’emergency’ fund because things can happen all the time and it was formative for me. She asked how much I had saved and I told her that right now I have like 2k??
maybe. She started to berate me, saying that I shouldn’t hide money from my family, and told me to give it ASAP to buy some things we needed.
This is why I might be the jerk, I told her no since the money was for emergencies such as my brother’s and that the things ‘we needed’ aren’t.
She says that my brothers (twins 2 & 4) need some shoes and pants and that she also needs a new laptop for work, but that’s not an emergency and even if it were, it’s her job to buy those things. I told her that THAT was the reason I never said anything about the fund. She called me an ungrateful brat for ‘not helping her more’ and sent me to my room, she said that I better give her the money by the end of the month but I don’t know if I should.
EDIT: To clarify, my siblings and I don’t share the same dad. He’s only my father.”
10. AITJ For Not Paying The Entire Dinner Bill?
“I (24M) met this girl (23F), Katie, at the gym, we clicked, and hung out a few times over the past couple of months.
Katie invited me out for dinner at a fancy restaurant to talk about our relationship.
Out of nowhere, she told me that her two friends were coming to the dinner. She doesn’t have female friends. I then asked if I could bring a few friends for dinner too. I didn’t want this to be a 3 on 1 thing. She agreed but she didn’t seem happy.
At the dinner Katie brought two guys who were clearly simping for her.
I had invited three friends, my best friend since childhood, his fiancee, and my friend. (Case, Juhi, and YooSung.)
YooSung came before us but then had to leave even before we got seated. She invited him to join us at the gym since “he clearly works out”. He texted me later that she seemed nice but the way she let the two guys grill me was weird.
After he stepped out, we got seated and Katie’s friends said they had to leave even though they just ordered a ton of appetizers.
Case and Juhi came in a little bit later and Katie did this weird little laugh and said that it would be nice if people arrived on time especially since half the people left. She seemed to only ask questions to Case, who’s shy around new people, and kept complimenting Juhi’s jewelry and clothing but in a really weird way.
Katie told me she didn’t realize that I had so many Asian friends.
At the dinner she ordered two entrees and barely touched either of them or the appetizers she and her friends ordered. She did get multiple drinks. She made a few jokes that I liked her because “guys like girls who are one of the guys”.
When the bill came, it was way beyond my budget and she said it should be split equally between me and Case. I said that it should be split between us – Katie and me – and them – Case and Juhi – based on what we ordered. Since they only had two entrees and we had three entrees and a ton of appetizers we should pay the bigger amount.
I was fine splitting equally between Katie and me but she started calling me a cheapskate for not offering to pay for her. I told her it wasn’t my fault her friends ordered appetizers and then left. She said if I was willing to cover more of the bill without her approval then I should be fine paying the entire thing.
I told her that was dumb and I wasn’t going to pay for things she ordered. Juhi offered to pay the bill. Katie said that that wasn’t the problem and said I was accusing her of being a gold-digger.
I said the reason she’s not like the other girls is because she’s incredibly rude. That’s why no girls want to be her friend.
She stormed out of the restaurant. In the end, I paid for our entrees and appetizers and Juhi paid for their part.
I’ve been ignoring Katie’s texts but I want to know if I was the jerk?”
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Estranged Half Siblings Mentioned At My Wedding?
“I’m getting married in a month and life has changed a bit since people got invited. My older half-sisters and half-brother reached out to our mom and started to reconcile with her after an estrangement that lasted more than a decade. My mom now wants me to invite them, which I said no to, and then she talked about including them in her toast which I shut down.
To cut what could be a long story short: My half siblings were 11f, 10m, and 8f when I was born. Their dad passed away 3 years before I was born, mom and dad were married 9ish months when I came along. They hated me, wished I had never been born or wished me dead on a number of occasions, hated mom for remarrying, hated my dad for stealing their family, rejected having anything to do with me over and over again, and said some things that can never be taken back until one by one they moved out and cut everyone off.
I don’t know whether this reconciliation is genuine or not. They only appear to be speaking to mom, not my dad at all. She has met her grandkids but dad was not welcome. And from what I can gather I have not been someone they want to discuss. My dad also admitted to me that mom said the kids had no idea they had another aunt (me).
They only seemed to know about her and her first husband, so my dad was also never mentioned.
For this reason, and for the fact it’s so new and no amount of true healing can happen in the 7/8 weeks from my wedding to when this all started, I don’t want them at my wedding and I don’t want them brought up in a toast given the history that is there.
On my wedding day I do not want to be reminded of the fact a part of my family hates/hated me for being born and has refused any kind of relationship with me for things outside my control.
My mom told me if I won’t invite them that’s for me to decide, but I can’t censor her.
I told her I was asking her to do something for me on my wedding day and if she can’t she won’t be given a toast to make on the day. She told me I am being a controlling bridezilla and that one of my grandparents or someone else in the family might bring them up.
I told her I had already talked to some of them about it because they approached me first. She got so mad. She told me they are working hard to reconcile and I am holding onto childhood issues that should be forgiven.
My mom is adamant I am behaving inappropriately here.
AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Refusing To Carry My Parents' Embryo And Not Giving Them My Inheritance For Their Fertility Treatments?
“So I always had a great relationship with my parents. I was adopted at birth and told when I was a toddler. Everything was fine until I turned 16/17. My parents were both in their late thirties and decided it wasn’t ‘too late’ and that with the advance of fertility technology in the years it is possible they could still have a biological baby.
I was a bit hurt that they wanted a biological child so badly, especially after years and years, and told them they should foster but they said no, they wanted ‘another try’. A lot of their word choices hurt me.
I’m now 23. They have been trying for a baby using IVF and other methods to no avail.
My mother is now 46. Not trying to be ageist or anything but it can be hard to conceive even with fertility treatment. When my parents, who went from being doting and loving to now contacting me twice a month since I moved out at 21 invited me over for dinner, I was so happy I got ready and everything and drove an hour and a half away.
To my surprise, the dinner was just an excuse for my parents to ask me if I would carry one of their last embryos for them and that they would help me pay off my student loans. I was so offended and felt like an incubator. They barely speak to me and they only invited me to ask me that ten minutes into it.
I left their house in tears. Sadly just a week later my grandfather (dad’s dad) passed away. After the funeral, I told my grandma why I wasn’t talking to my parents at the service since we were always close and she was so shocked at what they asked me. She told me she’d give me the money they promised to my dad from my grandfather’s insurance to pay off my loans.
When my parents found out they’ve been texting me begging me to give them just a portion of the money for their treatments and they wouldn’t even need me and they’d hire a surrogate and they were sorry. I said no. They’ve been calling me the biggest jerk and saying I’m being greedy.
Even some family say I’m being too hard by not giving them anything. I haven’t even gotten the money yet and my grandma and I are being painted out as the major jerks. Are we? I will have money left over after I pay my loans, they aren’t much. And it’s been ‘their dream for years’ and I’m overreacting by the request.”
7. AITJ For Considering Probate Court To Recover Accident Debt After The Guilty Party Passed Away?
“A year ago, I was involved in a hit-and-run car accident where I was not at fault. I was stopped at a red light and was hit from behind. The driver was going 45mph and wasn’t looking in front of her.
I pulled over and she drove off. I was able to get her plate number and the police picked her up.
She was only 20 years old and on probation with no insurance. She ended up going to jail for a couple of weeks.
I have car insurance for if I’m at fault, but no collision insurance. Since she did not have insurance, I took her to court. She was ordered to pay me a lump sum for damages, losses, and injury expenses.
I was counting on this money in order to get a new car and pay off medical debts.
In the courtroom, I explained to her that I had lost 2 jobs last year, and when she hit me I was on my way to a job interview that I had to forfeit after the accident. I told her that I could forgive an accident, but I could not forgive the fact that she drove off without any regard for who she hit.
Thankfully I was alone in my car, but I could’ve had my kids with me and things could have been much worse. She did not seem to have much remorse for what she had done.
Fast forward a few months and I had not received a dime from her. I went back to the courthouse last week to file paperwork to have her subpoenaed so we could begin wage garnishment, and it was there that I was informed that she had passed away due to health issues.
Obviously, I have a lot of conflicting emotions about this. I feel horrible for her family and sad for her. But the selfish human part of me is now very much in debt and wondering how I’m going to pay these bills. I learned that if I wanted to, I could file for probate court to continue the process and her family would be ordered to take on the responsibility of paying me what she owed me.
So, my question is… would I be a complete jerk if I pursued this? I hate the thought of doing this to her family, but at the same time it’s really messed up my life and I did nothing wrong to cause the car accident. I considered waiting a little while to file at least, if at all, so maybe it wouldn’t be as fresh, but I just don’t know.
I’m in quite a pickle here.”
6. AITJ For Not Making My Stepdaughter Move Out Due To My Daughter's Body Insecurities?
“I (36F) have a beautiful daughter ‘Carissa’ (13F) and a beautiful stepdaughter ‘Brianna’ (14F).
I married Brianna’s father ‘Joseph’ (39M) last year.
Now, my daughter Carissa and Brianna have a very strained relationship, but I believe most of the problems in their relationship are due to my daughter Carissa’s body insecurities.
To put it simply, Brianna’s body type is very small and petite and slim. Carissa is a bit taller than Brianna but also about 3 sizes larger than her (Carissa is still within a healthy weight range but Brianna is just very petite by comparison).
Unfortunately, Carissa has always struggled with her body image, and since living with her stepsister Brianna, Carissa seems to constantly compare herself to Brianna and this causes friction between the two girls.
Carissa sometimes lashes out and calls Brianna names that imply she’s too skinny (like skeleton jerk) and in retaliation my stepdaughter Brianna calls Carissa ‘fat’.
I tell both the girls off for this behaviour but it seems to be a reoccurring issue.
Carissa is in therapy for her body image, but she still gets upset when Brianna walks around in crop tops and dresses that Carissa feels like she couldn’t get away with wearing (I think she could certainly wear clothes like that, but her body insecurity issues make her want to cover up and wear loose clothing instead).
A few days ago I was spending some quality time alone with Carissa and she confessed to me that living with Brianna has been miserable for her. She admits she constantly compares herself negatively to Brianna and she thinks Brianna is hurting her mental health and making her body insecurities worse.
I listened to my daughter and asked if there was anything I could do to make things better?
To my shock, she said she wanted Brianna to leave and go live with her mother full-time instead (My husband Joseph and Brianna’s mother have 50/50 split custody).
I told my daughter point blank that was an unreasonable and selfish request. I told her she needed to work on her body insecurities with her therapist, instead of pushing away her stepsister just because she’s skinnier.
My daughter immediately started crying and accused me of ‘not protecting’ her, and that Brianna’s presence in the household has made her life difficult, and every day Brianna triggers her body insecurities and makes her feel gross and disgusting.
I don’t think it’s fair to ask for Brianna to go live with her mother full-time just for the sake of Carissa.
I’ve tried a lot to help my daughter with her body insecurity issues (I pay for her therapist and I spend a lot of time and energy trying to boost her confidence etc.) but nothing seems to work.
It’s concerning me that she feels like I’m not protecting her as a mother. I know that Carissa and Brianna fight and Brianna sometimes calls her fat (which she gets punished for).
Am I really not doing enough to protect her?”
5. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Son's Future Honor Society Ceremonies After His Disrespectful Attitude?
“Earlier this school year my (38F) son got notice he was inducted into honor society for the last semester of his freshman year of high school.
He didn’t think it was a big deal. Admittedly there were no standards besides achieving a not-very-difficult GPA and about 40% of his classmates also did, but I was still proud. He did not care and kept talking about how stupid it was. I still wanted to go see him inducted at the ceremony, he threw a fit about how it was boring and like a punishment.
I told him it’s just an hour and I’d reward him later by taking him out to his favorite restaurant. He still kept bashing it and at one point made me upset by saying he would intentionally lower his grades this semester so he wouldn’t qualify. After seeing how upset that made me he said he wasn’t serious but it still kind of put a damper on the whole thing.
My husband just took the position of ‘if he doesn’t want to go, don’t make him’, but he agreed to attend the ceremony with me.
In the end he went to the ceremony which was promoted as a sort of ‘soft formal’ dress-like business casual event though the school’s dress code is quite casual. I then noticed my son grabbed his certificate while wearing a Nirvana shirt and not the shirt we dropped him off in.
Afterward, he told me he put the shirt on underneath and took off his dress shirt so he could have a bit of a rebellious way of going about it. Now honestly I probably wouldn’t have cared if he had just worn the shirt to the ceremony to start since I doubt the school would’ve denied him entry and frankly, I’ve liked Nirvana since before he was born, but his general attitude just kind of ruined the thing for me and left a bad taste in my mouth.
I still fulfilled my promise and took him out, but decided not to discuss the honor society at all once he replied at first about how stupid it was. I also decided not to inform my parents or brothers and sisters since I didn’t want them talking to him about it around Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Well he told me he’s on track to make it again this semester. I told him fine, whatever, I’m not attending the ceremony if he does. He told me he doesn’t want to attend it anyway, but why wouldn’t I? I explained to him how his behavior and attitude the last time completely ruined it and I don’t want to go through with that again.
It’s entirely his choice to attend the ceremony or not, but either way I won’t be going. And even that got him kind of upset. He told me that if he chooses to attend parents should go too, he was just angry at being kind of forced to go. He also asked if this applies to future years.
I told him simply I’m never attending an honor society ceremony for him again. Kind of feeling a bit guilty because I realize he might mature his junior or senior year and not have such a bad attitude about it, but after this I don’t see how anyone can blame me for not wanting to.”
4. AITJ For Sending My Daughter To A Mental Hospital Over Christmas?
“So my daughter Jayne has been struggling with her mental health for a while now, and the ongoing global situations flipping her life upside down have not really been helping. She has had a lot of trouble accepting her illnesses and still does today. When we first started noticing changes in her behavior, she would snap and claim she’s fine, or just tired or stressed out from school.
It was an uphill battle convincing her to go to therapy. I tried to make it easier for her by giving her a little more control over what’s happening, such as letting her try out a few different therapists, and choose the one she likes best. Jayne’s answer was “no therapist”. At that point, I got frustrated and basically told her she didn’t have a choice anymore; she needs to go get help.
It was getting to the point I was worried her school would ban her from campus.
Due to certain recent events, her mental healthcare team has strongly recommended putting her in a mental hospital for a few weeks. My husband/her father and I have talked this through, and it’s honestly the best decision. We’re very worried about Jayne.
Nothing else we’ve tried so far has worked or helped much. Unfortunately, this also means she will have to spend quite a bit of her Christmas holidays in the mental hospital.
Jayne was absolutely livid when we told her. She loves Christmas; it’s her favorite holiday and to her, “the most wonderful time of the year”.
She claimed we were ruining the only thing she looked forward to all semester, she wanted to bake cookies with her grandparents and spend the holidays at their house, put up the tree now that school/midterms have ended, see lights, go to parades and shopping, eat her grandpa’s special Christmas dinner, basically do all the traditions she used to do.
She lashed out and screamed in our faces about why we couldn’t wait until after Christmas to send her, we were ruining her holiday and making her feel even worse than we already do because all we do is give her crap about her brain and are brainwashed stupid for thinking anything was wrong with her and projecting it.
She’s extremely close with her grandparents and they love her to pieces. Before her grandma got sick earlier this year, she, grandpa, and Jayne would decorate their house to the nines. Her grandma’s illness has been extremely hard on Jayne. She wants to spend as much time with them as she can. Her grandpa has said he would be more than happy to have someone dismantle all the decorations and tree so when Jayne gets released, she can come straight to their house and they’d help her, the best they can, redecorate the place, and he would cook her his special dinner and try to do as much Christmas as they can just for her.
Not enough. Jayne said it won’t be the same, because she would only get 2 or 3 days before school started.
I feel terrible. Like I’m failing my child. I’m doubting myself. I need to know if I’m being a jerk.”
3. AITJ For Insisting My Wife Finish Eating Leftover Food Despite Her Feeling Sick?
“My friends and family have given me mixed reviews on this so I thought I’d try here.
I (35M) decided I want to be less wasteful. I’ve always had a bad habit of throwing away perfectly good cans of food or clothes I don’t like anymore just because I’ve had them for a while and grown tired of them.
It was time for a change so I decided to commit. I’ve stopped spending money on new clothes and I also decided to eat every piece of food I buy before I go back to the grocery store.
My wife (32) is very supportive of this, and agreed to do this with me. I wouldn’t consider my wife incredibly wasteful.
For years she’s been thrifting and repurposing clothes. She’s very nifty and last year for Christmas even knitted handmade gifts for all our family members with yarn she had for years and hadn’t used. The only flaw I would say she has is that she is incredibly wasteful when it comes to food.
She is diagnosed with ADHD and struggles a lot with hyper fixating on certain foods at a time.
It is honestly incredible how she can eat the same combination of things every day, day and night. This can go on for weeks and sometimes even up to a few months. She will stockpile the food she is hyper-fixated on, and eventually when she is no longer craving it we will be left with lots of leftovers that she won’t touch.
I have asked her to try and finish the foods we have stored away. At most she could probably last three weeks if she plans well. She agreed since she knew it was important to me, and I made a compromise that if she sticks to eating the food we already have for breakfast and lunch, then Friday nights I will take her out on a date night and do whatever she wants.
She was happy with this compromise.
For the first couple of weeks, it was going well, but now it’s been over a month and there is still way more food than what should be left. I wasn’t sure what was going on until the other day I saw my wife take a couple of bites of the food she made, and then spit it out and throw it away.
This made me upset considering she wasn’t holding up her part of the deal. The whole point is to NOT throw away the food. When I confronted her she apologized and said that the food had made her feel sick so she couldn’t eat anymore. Then she asked if we could just throw away the rest of the food.
I looked at what was left and calculated only about probably 2 weeks left. I told her she should try and finish what she agreed to start. I do worry though that she might not be eating enough. Recently she’s been complaining of feeling faint and our friends and family think she’s looking paler? Some of them have suggested I just let her throw away the food.
I love my wife and I don’t want her to suffer, but I also think that if she sticks with it she will be proud of herself for reaching the goal she set. AITJ?”
2. AITJ For Not Doing Housework Because My Wife Criticizes My Methods?
“My (42M) wife (37F) and I have been married for well over a decade. We have three kids (6,9,11) together, all in school.
The issue of housework has become a hot-button topic between us.
Of course I have tried to help around the house in the past but her constant critiques of how I did housework have made it unsustainable. Here’s just a short list:
- Dishes still wet when they were put away
- Dishes still “dirty” after cleaning and being put up (sometimes I accidentally miss a spot, or there’s a small bit dried on and I can’t get it off)
- Didn’t hang up dishcloths/counter towels (she thinks wet ones are gross??)
- Mixed clothes, bedding, and towels in one load of laundry (she says they can’t be washed the same way and it’s “hard” to sort like that)
- Didn’t get it out of the washer in time, she claims she can smell them and just rewashes them anyway
- Didn’t change mop pad after cleaning the bathroom before cleaning kitchen floor – even though I’m using bleach
- Put leftovers away wrong (Yes really. Apparently using aluminum foil instead of fishing out Tupperware is the “wrong way.”)
I finally got sick of getting an earful for not being perfect all of the time and said that I wanted to help but not if I was going to be criticized for not doing everything just the way she wants it done.
She actually told me to just stop helping if I wasn’t going to do a “good job” (according to her). And honestly, if she’s just going to redo everything it’s a massive waste of my time to try to help out in the first place! So for the last few years, I’ve just let her do her thing to her standards.
Both of us work. I am a tradesman and have long, physical days. She, on the other hand, is a substitute teacher at the high school. Now I know that teenagers can be a handful, but it’s hardly taxing!
Anyway we had a huge fight because the dishes in the sink hadn’t been washed and were piling up.
She said that she cooked, cleaned, worked, took care of the kids, did laundry, then asked me “what exactly do you even contribute??”
I’m hurt that she feels like I don’t contribute and I feel like she’s the jerk for being critical instead of appreciative of my help and then acting put upon because she decided to do it all by herself.
Most of my friends agree with me but my younger brother says that I’m the jerk for not taking on more housework.
Edit: For context I was raised in a household with traditional roles and values. When we met she was on the same page. Her views have unfortunately changed but in our family housework is mostly going to be her thing.
I wouldn’t mind helping here and there if she didn’t expect perfection!”
1. AITJ For Leaving My Sick Husband To Babysit While I Went On A Planned Trip?
“A group of my friends and I have been planning a wine-tasting trip for a couple of months. We rented a shuttle bus for the day to drive us around to a few different vineyards.
We all have kids so we had to plan it out in advance so we could all make arrangements for childcare. My husband was going to stay home with our 3 girls (9, 6, & 3) for the day. This is one of the first times I’ve been able to see these friends like this in the last 2 years so I was really looking forward to it.
The night before the trip, my husband was in the bathroom all night. He must have eaten something that disagreed with him and I don’t think he got much sleep at all. The next morning I got up and started to get myself ready and he was still in bed. I woke him up to remind him that I was leaving and that he needed to get up to take care of the girls.
He just moaned at me and asked me if I was seriously still going.
I told him of course I’m going. I’ve been looking forward to this for weeks. He told me he got no sleep and still doesn’t feel good and just needs some rest. I told him he’s just going to need to******* up because I’m not staying home.
I’m finally able to convince him to at least get out of bed because the girls are awake and need supervision. When I left he was laying on the couch.
The trip with my friends was great and exactly the kind of break I needed. We laughed and had some good wine and danced like idiots.
It was perfect.
When I got home the place was a mess. There were toys and dolls everywhere. My two youngest girls didn’t have clothes on. The kitchen was a disaster with food and dirty dishes all over. And of course, my husband was still on the couch.
I asked him what he did all day since the place was a disaster.
He said he still felt like crap and he just let the girls run wild since he didn’t have the energy to chase them. He said the girls are happy and fed, no one got hurt, and I got to go drink wine all day with my friends, so how about I cut him a little slack?
I told him that this was beyond even my lowest expectations for him. He said he didn’t have the energy to fight about it and he was going to bed. I asked him if he was going to help clean any of this up and he told me if I wanted it clean right now I was going to have to do it, otherwise it’s going to stay the way it is until morning when he hopefully feels better.
I’m kind of a neat freak so of course I anger-cleaned after the girls went to bed. The next morning I told my husband how disappointed I was with him and he got angry at me. He said I was the one who left to go drink all day, knowing he didn’t feel good. He said I should just be happy that I was still able to go out with friends given how bad he felt the day before.
I told him it wasn’t my fault he got sick and that I wasn’t going to pat him on the back for doing the absolute bare minimum of watching our kids.”
