People Test Boundaries In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Letting My Niece Pet My Blind Cats?
“Hubby (36M) and I (36F) have 2 blind cats. They were always blind (severe infections before they opened their eyes). They are very cuddly and loving towards us, but are very wary of others, even if they have met them before.
They don’t respond well to loud noises and tend to hide under the bed whenever Hubby’s family comes to visit, as SIL’s 2 kids are very energetic and loud.
When last they visited, our niece demanded to be let to pet the cats. She is very much an animal lover, but in an Elmyra (from Looney Tunes) type of way.
We have repeatedly explained to her and Hubby’s family that the cats don’t like loud noises, and if she just sits quietly for a while their curious nature will make them come to her, but she has to wait for them to approach her and even when they do, she has to be gentle.
To no avail.
Eventually, her mom said, “What’s the big deal? Just grab the cat and let her pet it for a while.”
I adamantly refused. Hubby backed me up, and that was that. But tensions ran high and everyone left shortly after that. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some cats do well with children, others don’t. I work for a disabled woman with seven cats, when her toddler nieces come to visit, there is one cat that is allowed out for them to play with, the others are shut up in the back room, for their comfort and the safety of the children.
(This cat is extraordinarily affectionate and tolerant. She will lick you to death with kitty kisses.) All cats are happy, and the kids get to play with the cat who can enjoy playing with them. Your cats can’t deal with this, so they stay shut up in the back room while you have guests, for their own comfort.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Humans can learn how to adjust their behavior; the cats can’t. Learning patience and how to let cats come to you is the number one key to becoming a true Cat Person™. Cat people must be capable of respecting boundaries and waiting for others to come to us.
It’ll probably be a repeat every time. You will likely just have to say that you are unwilling to traumatize your cats for her amusement, or that of her child, and that she should be more focused on teaching her kid to respect animals’ very clearly communicated desires to walk away.” laeiryn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When my niece was little, she could get over-excited and too aggressive trying to give animals love. We brought our big Maine Coon to a family reunion, and she of course wanted to pet him. Not only did my BIL help supervise her interactions with him, he told me not to worry, if she got scratched that was how she was going to learn about animal boundaries.
He was calm and patient and reminded her to be gentle at all times. Thankfully our kitty Dexter is a gentle giant and was sweet with her. Still was cool to know my BIL understood that pets aren’t toys and used the experience to help teach my niece how to respect our furry friends.” Dcruzen
21. AITJ For Calling My Husband Out For Not Helping While I'm Injured?
“My (27F) husband (28M) and I got married in November. I recently got a herniated disc in my spine after a very rough landing at practice the other night. I am a somewhat successful gymnast, so this is my career on the line. We went to the ER, where I was immediately diagnosed and told to rest until I felt better.
The pain is horrible, and I need his help to even go to the bathroom, though it has slightly improved since I got the injury just 1 day ago.
The toilet got clogged (his doing) and after asking him over 5x to plunge the toilet, I finally ended up doing it.
I told him he was a jerk for not even being able to unclog the toilet when I have a herniated disc, and said it was absolutely his responsibility to fix it.
As he was lying in bed while I plunged the toilet, I ended up throwing up from the pain.
I fixed the toilet, but now I am in extreme pain, and I’m wondering if I was the jerk for telling him he was a jerk for refusing to fix the toilet when I had a herniated disc. So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Hey, so I really hope you see this OP. But I’ve got a disc bulge, and I was in a super unhealthy unsupportive relationship when I first got hurt. I hit 3 years in May of dealing with this injury. I managed to dump the dead weight, but if I hadn’t been dragged down by a lazy selfish excuse for a partner this might not be as bad as it’s gotten, and it wouldn’t have lasted as long.
Think long and hard about how supportive and caring he’s been, and ask if he’s going to hinder your recovery or not. I’m 25. No matter what put yourself first because nobody else is going to, especially for your physical health.” Admirable_Pipe_5918
Another User Comments:
“You had a need that your husband could easily have met. His lack of respect for your career and your health clearly indicates that he is not a fully contributing partner in your marriage. Not the jerk for being angry or even for calling him names.
You are kind of a jerk to yourself because you let your temper override your common sense around necessary self-care. Even if it costs money, call someone to handle the problem if your jerk husband won’t take care of his own home. NTJ.” Dance_Sneaker
20. AITJ For Questioning My Diabetic Mom's Decision To Fast On Her Chiropractor's Advice?
“My (28f) mom (54f) has recently begun seeing a chiropractor.
She told me that he diagnosed her with an unspecific “infection,” and that she’s going to start fasting to help with that and release some “toxins.” I voiced my skepticism about toxins, and then told her she shouldn’t be fasting since she has diabetes (and loads of other problems).
And if she insists on fasting AT LEAST do this under the supervision of a doctor.
She got really angry that I didn’t support her not eating for three days at a time. She yelled and told me I’m not a doctor and asked me what doctors had done for me (a lot, actually).
Then she mentioned something about how doctors only treat symptoms and she is looking for long-term results. She then told me I’m arrogant and disrespectful and never support her. AITJ?
I could be the jerk because she is a grown woman who makes her own decisions, though after having two major strokes she’s been notably more impulsive.
Still, this may not have been my place. Plus, maybe I’m ignorant about chiropractors and told her the wrong info.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Chiropractors are not doctors, and 100% do not have the authority to diagnose an infection. Any legitimate physician will be able to tell the exact infection, based on blood work.
Additionally, “toxins” are not a real way of describing what’s wrong with the body, and no real physician would do that. Do you have a liver? It cleans toxins. Do you have a kidney? It cleans toxins. We as humans don’t have the ability to “clean toxins” out of the body merely by fasting, ESPECIALLY with diabetes.
I recommend that you get her professional help, even if you have to call the police to do it.” Golden_Pineapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Chiming in as someone who used to work in the medical field (I’m retired now) – if your mom has a working kidney and working liver, she does NOT need a detox of any type.
In addition, she has diabetes – skipping meals is most definitely a bad thing. What this chiropractor is suggesting is so far outside of their scope of practice and also dangerous to your mother’s health, that I would report them to their professional board. You also mention that she has had multiple strokes?
Has she lost cognitive functions, in that she is easily manipulated by others? If that is the case, you may have to get a legal power of attorney for medical treatment on her behalf (disclaimer – not a lawyer, don’t know how to do this, but to safeguard her health and life, you may want to consult a lawyer to take care of her).” toosheeptheorist
Another User Comments:
“Op NTJ. Unfortunately, people with long-term health issues sometimes are grasping at straws looking for the magic cure. My mother is a type 1 diabetic and she watched some stupid YouTube video about a “special diet” for 2 months to try which would magically heal her pancreas.
I just told her to go for it I’ll attend her funeral in 3 months’ time… She got upset but thankfully dropped the idea. But she doesn’t trust doctors and properly tested medicines. So again I told her to stop taking insulin if it’s so bad for her.
She’s 60 so she can do whatever she wants to but don’t expect me to look after her when she messes up her health totally with all the stuff she’s trying. We’re already LC because I’m fed up with her spamming me with all crap links and videos.” _likes_to_read_
19. AITJ For Not Allowing My Daughter To Explore London Alone For Her Photography Project?
“I (36F) have a daughter (17F) and we’re going down to London to see family and also as a little break. My daughter also studies Photography in college and was really excited to go because the theme for her coursework project is architecture and she says there are a lot of buildings she wants to photograph for her project.
I said that she would have to wait because we’re going to see family and there isn’t anyone to watch her. She doesn’t think she needs an adult to walk around and take photos but I think it’s dangerous, especially after dark. She could get kidnapped or followed and I don’t want her to run into any trouble where I can’t easily reach her.
I told her that she has to wait another time to do a photoshoot and she said I was being unfair and complained to my sister about it and they both think I’m being unreasonable. My sister has always been very independent and has lived in London since she graduated from university so of course she thinks it’s fine.
AITJ for not allowing my daughter to walk around London on her own to take photos?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get your fears, OP, I really do – you’re a parent, and you want to keep your daughter safe. But she’s 17. She’s almost an adult, and in a year she will be the one living independently and walking around cities on her own like your sister.
If she goes straight from you hovering over her every second of the day to Absolute Freedom, how will she learn how to handle herself safely when you can’t be there? Stranger kidnapping is very rare, and London is both quite crowded and quite well-lit after dark (which should be pretty late in the summer).
It’s very, very common in large cities like London for teenagers to wander around by themselves – I grew up in New York and it was the same there. You are being unreasonable. She’s not 7, she’s 17. Perhaps you can establish some boundaries about how far she’s allowed to go and which neighborhoods to visit, but requiring your teenager to be line-of-sight to you at all times is unrealistic at her age.” roseofjuly
Another User Comments:
“I do think it’s telling that your mind is immediately skipping over more common frightening-but-survivable dangers (like mugging) and going straight to the extremely rare worst-case scenarios (like kidnapping). Not that your daughter is likely to get mugged! I started wandering around the city near me at her age and I was fine, ditto my friends.
If she sticks to well-populated, well-lit areas she’ll be fine. You can tell her to keep her phone charged and be back by a certain time, but it’s normal for city kids to explore their surroundings at that age, and they aren’t inherently any different or more mature than your daughter.
A gentle YTJ.” Similar-Chip
Another User Comments:
“I don’t want to call you a jerk but London is not any more dangerous than anywhere else in the world. I’ve lived here my whole life and have been fine, and it doesn’t get dark until 9 pm now.
As long as she has a UK sim card (I don’t know where you’re from) and can contact you there’s no reason to be so fearful. Give her her freedom, she’ll thank you for it.” mandogrogu
18. AITJ For Writing A Bad Review Because The Restaurant Didn't Include Utensils With My Delivery?
“I was staying at a hotel and ordered delivery. It was pasta and salad that you need utensils to eat. When they dropped it off utensils weren’t included. I had to request some from the hotel and discovered it cost me $12.95 to borrow a fork and knife through room service when I checked out.
I was upset so I wrote a bad review.
My friend says I am a jerk because from the restaurant’s perspective that’s a small mistake and they don’t have control over what a hotel charges.
I feel like a critical part of my order was missing and it cost me money and time to accommodate that mistake.
CLARIFICATIONS: The food was not from the hotel itself, it was from an outside restaurant and delivered to the hotel by a driver from the restaurant (not an app like Doordash or Postmates). The only option from the hotel was to get cutlery brought to me.
I couldn’t just go downstairs and grab some somewhere because there weren’t any per the information provided by the front desk lady. They did not tell me it was room service that brought it or that I was being charged for it until I checked out a few days later.
I did not call the restaurant and ask for a fork because I didn’t know I was being charged for one. I did not order through an app. I placed my order over the phone. They did not ask if I wanted utensils and I did not inquire.
I told them I was in a hotel. The food was standard and of average quality. I gave them 2 stars — 3.5 overall minus 1.5 for no utensils.”
Another User Comments:
“Many restaurants don’t give utensils unless it’s requested. Due to a combination of trying to reduce waste and save money.
Because most people who order takeout or delivery are home and have their own the restaurant would be wasting money on products that don’t get used. I understand that it is frustrating but you could have asked them for some when you ordered. Reviews are supposed to be based on the main stuff, like the food and the service not on tiny little things like utensils.
Don’t be that person who nitpicks at the smallest detail. The real company that you should be mad at is THE HOTEL for their outrageous prices. Not the restaurant that either made a small mistake or had a policy that they followed. YTJ.” cara1888
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. As others have said, a lot of places don’t send utensils unless asked for to cut down on waste. Staying in a hotel doesn’t necessarily mean you need them. The hotel deserves the bad review. I used to work in a hotel and have stayed in plenty – both high and low-end – and have never had a hotel charge something like that.
I stayed in one hotel where the front desk brought us over plates when she realized we were deciding how to break up leftovers we were heating in the microwave. No charge at all.” GraveDancer40
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First, let’s get one thing out of the way.
If you called the restaurant and placed the order they should have asked you if you wanted plasticware but you also should have asked about it. If you ordered online there was likely a way for you to request plasticware. Either way, you should have asked. Everything a restaurant sends to you costs money.
They aren’t going to send something if it isn’t needed. That being said if the food was good you should have written a good review but mentioned that they didn’t send you plasticware. Either that or don’t write a review but call the restaurant and talk to a manager about the issue.
Constructive criticism would have been received far better than what you did. If anybody deserves a bad review it’s the hotel. Charging you $13 to borrow a fork and knife? I would have taken them home with me if I was you. I could buy a set of silverware for that amount.
So it seems like your anger is misplaced on the wrong people. Did the restaurant make a mistake? Yes, but it was a minor one. You not asking and the hotel charging you, especially if they didn’t tell you they were charging you, were the problems in this situation.” Ranos131
17. AITJ For Refusing To Cover My Unemployed Roommate's Rent Anymore?
“I (22F) have been living with my best friend (23F) and two other roommates for about a year now.
Everything started out fine, but it’s all gotten a bit messy lately.
One of our roommates (24M) lost his job about two months ago. He’s still been looking for work, but he’s been getting by by asking my best friend to cover his portion of the rent and utilities.
She has a full-time job and could technically afford to do this for a while, but she’s still been asking me and the other roommate to help with our share of things too, as she can’t pay the full rent on her own.
I totally get that people go through tough times, and I get that he’s trying to find work—but here’s where it starts to feel off: He’s not really doing enough to help himself. He’s been taking casual gigs here and there, but it’s not like he’s putting in the kind of effort needed to really get a stable job.
He’s been living off the generosity of my best friend, and honestly, it’s starting to feel like she’s enabling him rather than him actually trying to get his life together.
I’ve talked to her about it, and she says it’s not a big deal because he’s her friend, and she doesn’t mind helping him out.
But I told her that I’m not comfortable with her paying for someone’s rent who isn’t making enough of an effort to help themselves. I also told her that I can’t keep carrying the extra weight if things don’t change, because I’m already struggling to make ends meet, too.
Last night, I told her that I’m done contributing to this situation. If he doesn’t start pitching in for rent soon, then I think he should move out. It’s not my responsibility to pick up the slack just because he’s a ‘friend’ of hers, especially if he’s not taking steps to improve his situation.
I told her that I can’t help her cover for someone who isn’t showing any signs of working toward a solution.
She was devastated. She said I was being cold-hearted and that I was being selfish. She told me I’m acting like I don’t care about him and that true friends support each other, even when it’s hard.
Now, some of our mutual friends are backing her up, saying that I’m being too harsh and that I’m not being a good friend by not helping out.
I’m really torn because I want to support my best friend, but I also don’t think it’s my responsibility to keep this going.
Am I being unreasonable? AITJ for not wanting to contribute to this situation anymore and telling him to move out if he doesn’t start paying his share?”
Another User Comments:
“True friends do not mooch. True friends do everything within their power to get an income (DoorDash, Uber eats, MacDs……) whilst looking for something more long-term.
True friends do not agree to fund someone else and then get others to provide money too. True friends do not force you to beggar yourself to pay for them. True friends do not get vicious when the truth is voiced. If these others are so disconcerted by you not wanting to pay for someone else’s expenses (especially when it’s hard enough to cover your own costs) they should put their darn money where their mouth is and pay for him themselves.
NTJ.” East_Parking8340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – No one, and I mean no one, gets to tell you where your money should go. “Now, some of our mutual friends are backing her up, saying that I’m being too harsh and that I’m not being a good friend by not helping out.” The next one who says that you “should” help out, send them a $500 (or however much is needed by him to pay for his bills, rent for that month) Venmo request with the note “Paying for (insert name)’s rent” and see how fast they WON’T pay and you can respond with, “I’ve been helping him out for this long and since it means so much to you to come after me for not helping anymore, I figured you’d want to put your wallet where your mouth is and be a good friend.”” slap-a-frap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Yet maybe the conversation needs to be all roommates sitting down together for a reality check. Be honest, let him know that you all should have had a discussion when he first lost his job but things are getting a little out of hand.
You do have sympathy and didn’t have a problem helping for a while — but now his job loss is affecting three of you. He needs to step up his actions on finding reliable income and maybe also find help from someone else – meaning maybe borrowing money from someone who does NOT live in the apartment.
Someone besides two people who now are also having money shortages trying to cover for him. You don’t want to ruin any friendships…but with the holidays around the corner, you all will have other things you need to do/buy/pay for. You all made a commitment, you all signed a lease.
Sure helping each other here or there is one thing, but it cannot continue to go on indefinitely.
Something else to consider – could it be that your friend feels some kind of way about him? Like wants something more from him than just being his friend?
If she does, that could be clouding her judgment if she is allowing him to take advantage of her (and you in the process). Any ‘mutual friends’ that say you are wrong, whether alone or in a group; “Thanks for the clarification and letting me know I am wrong, you’re a good friend.
By the way, since you agree we need to keep helping, even after a couple of months – glad to know you’re there for us. Here is my Venmo – $75 from you would really help us all out (or – from each of you would cover his rent for the month!) thanks!!” CornerSevere
16. AITJ For Screaming At My Mom For Giving Away My Limited Edition T-Shirt?
“I (19F) recently moved out for university, but before that, I bought this t-shirt that featured my favorite TV show of all time. It was a limited-edition collaboration so it’s basically never coming back. I loved that shirt so much and bragged about it a lot to my friends because it was pretty pricey and we all loved the show.
Anyway, I moved out and I kept that shirt at home so I could wear it during summer breaks and I also didn’t want it to get lost while moving.
But recently a family friend came to visit and their daughter really liked the shirt too so my mom just decided to give the shirt to her?
She said that it was because I wasn’t going to wear it anymore since I’m an adult now. But I was going to wear it!!! I basically screamed at her and cried a lot but my mom says that I shouldn’t be upset because it was technically my mom that bought it (I used her money) but I’m just so sad over this.
I’m still fuming and crying about it but maybe I was in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – as the mother of grown kids who have gone away to college, I never would have even considered just giving away any of my kids’ belongings without checking with them.
Of course you’re upset! It would have taken literally two seconds to send you a text asking if you minded if her friend’s daughter could have it. If you had given something of hers away, I’m sure she would have been angry too.” DecemberViolet1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You say you used her money, so you technically don’t own it. That is not true. If someone lets you buy something, but they paid for it for you then it is a gift and you still own it. Decent people do not take back a gift they’ve given you.
Also, it was a limited edition and you can’t get it back, you’ve every right to be upset, and when you’re badly upset, screaming is a normal reaction to that. Also, who gives away someone else’s property, especially without asking? I’d ask how she felt if you got her something she’d been wanting for ages, then decided to give that to someone else, as it’s the same.
I’d also expect her to get you it back. NTJ.” ND-gamer-geek
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Speak to the family friend, as calmly as you can, explaining it was yours to give away, not your smother. (The source of the money isn’t relevant here. At most it sounds like a gift – either way, it’s yours.
Funny how it was never given away until you began a developmentally appropriate process of detachment… that may be my ‘suspicious victim of a narc parent’ side talking though.) Ask if they’d consider returning it to you, the rightful owner. If they realize you weren’t a part of this decision, they may decide to put things right.
Good luck! (If stuff storage was a problem, she should have come to you first so you could address it and possibly arrange to collect some, etc. Just randomly giving stuff away, that’s not yours, isn’t okay.)” MilquetoastMtrcyclst
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Own Birthday Dinner Due To Medical Issues?
“I 17F am turning 18 in a couple of days. I’ve been having a lot of medical issues the last couple of months. Don’t know if anyone knows what this is but I’ve had cellulitis twice in the last 4 months and over 25 abscesses a lot of which I’ve had to get lanced. Anyways, if you don’t know what that is you can google it but the point is that I’ve been miserable and in a lot of pain for a while now to the point where I can barely walk let alone go to school.
My dad calls me up today and informs me that he went behind my back (after I told him days prior that I was having a bad flare-up and hadn’t been able to leave my bed for days because I was in so much pain and that I wouldn’t be able to celebrate my birthday) and booked a reservation at a fancy restaurant for me and my entire family to go to tomorrow to celebrate my birthday.
He also knows I really don’t like the food at this restaurant lol.
I asked him if we could reschedule for next week and reminded him of what I had told him a few days prior and that I would just be in pain the entire dinner if I went and wouldn’t be able to wear the appropriate clothes to a place like that because I can’t wear anything but baggy clothes right now because of pressure on the abscesses really hurts me.
He told me that he didn’t care and I would have to suck it up and go because he put a deposit down.
I went to my mom and started crying that I didn’t think I could go because of how much pain I was in and she said that it’s just a couple hours and I should just go so the money he put down on the deposit doesn’t go to waste and that I was being selfish which just made me feel even worse than I already do.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A deposit isn’t worth making you miserable. And how is it celebrating you to force you to “suck it up” and be uncomfortable and do something you don’t want to do? You’ll be 18. Don’t go. Decline their invite. Let them be upset.
Let them go without you. If they actually cared about you or had any empathy, “wasting” the money wouldn’t matter. Your comfort and happiness would. It’s also food you don’t like? So it’s not actually to celebrate your birthday, is it? It’s your dad using your birthday as an excuse to do something he wants, with no consideration of you in any form.
Then let him go have his dinner. There is no reason you need to play along with the farce that it’s for you.” notthedefaultname
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Frankly, if it’s a restaurant he knows you don’t like, you would be NTJ even without the pain issue, because, as someone else said, your father is using your birthday as his excuse to go to a restaurant he wants to go to.
I was once thrown a surprise birthday dinner. I do not celebrate my birthday except on very rare years. I told the people there that if they ever did that again, I would get up and walk out. Because they’re not terrible people, they listened, and I’ve not had to put up with that since.
Maybe this could be the wake-up call for your parents to actually listen to you. Or it could be your sign that you need to distance yourself from them.” Shadow_Phoenix_13
Another User Comments:
“Bless your heart! NTJ. I’ve never had cellulitis, but I know it’s painful.
I do, however, have a history of abscesses, and they’re really painful when you put pressure on them! (I’m a below-knee amputee and had to have one lanced, which meant no prosthetic for 6 weeks, and I’m on antibiotics now for folliculitis that’s turning into an abscess!) Your family is SO inconsiderate!
What’s the harm in waiting a week?! You’ll still be 18 then! And then, on top of that, to book a restaurant you don’t like is really not nice! No, just no! It’s YOUR celebration, not theirs! Don’t let ANYONE make you feel bad for not wanting to go, especially while you’re ill!” TayLou33
14. AITJ For Refusing To Participate In My Co-Workers' Baby Showers?
“I work in social services and the majority of the people I work with in my organization are women. I am a woman in my late 30s, no kids and no interest in having any.
We’ve been having a lot of baby showers and most recently I got an email with, not one but two different staff members’ registries for gifts. I don’t want to go to a party at work where I play weird, kinda gross baby shower games and I don’t want to spend my money on them either.
Will I seem like the jerk if I just ignore everything? I wish them all the best but I just don’t care to participate. I hope they are happy and healthy when the delivery comes but keep that stuff away from me please.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am a teacher and a few years ago this happened at the school where I teach. I was annoyed because only the female teachers had to attend. The male teachers had extra work time to get caught up and I was sitting in these uncomfortable mandatory parties.
I too was in my 30s, no kids and no interest in having any. I had a ton of work one day and just skipped out on the party. It was the end of the day and almost time to go. I wanted to finish my work and leave for the weekend.
There wasn’t an rsvp or anything. It was a surprise party during a work day. A team member came to track me down to get me to go. I asked why I had to attend when none of the men in the building did. Next baby shower they made everyone go, men included. It didn’t get me out of the party, but at least it was fair.
Misery loves company!” Ok_Indication5796
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like no jerks here. If you don’t want to be involved, you don’t have to be. You should RSVP if that’s an option though…if they need to plan for guests. It’s kind of frustrating to estimate the amount of food to provide when people don’t reply.
Many still show up anyway. I don’t know if that is an issue here. However, if you haven’t been showing up, they should get the hint. It’s NTJ if they are harassing you about it, especially if the parties are at other houses. I’m guessing that is the case since you mentioned games.” Meushell
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – look, unless you have more than 40 or 50 people in your office, there’s really no way to avoid putting your hand in your pocket for the office whip round. Sign the card, donate the $20, and then have “a meeting with her Chicago office/large donor/client/” whatever.
I don’t think you should fake fertility issues, but I do think a well-placed, “I don’t go to baby showers for personal reasons” is perfectly reasonable. That is completely true and also none of anyone’s business to press more. I’m child-free and I’ve never enjoyed baby showers much like I’ve never enjoyed rock climbing or stamp collecting or watching true crime documentaries.
Just not my interests.” Acrobatic_Ear6773
13. AITJ For Distancing Myself From My Family After They Missed My First Cheerleading Showcase?
“I (19M) invited my family to come to a showcase at the competitive cheerleading gym where I work. I played football in middle school and decided it wasn’t for me.
I joined cheerleading in high school because all my friends were trying out, and I fell in love with the sport. I later found a love for competitive cheer.
Fast forward to this year I now have a job as a competitive cheer coach and I’m also on a team at the gym I coach at too.
We recently had our annual showcase where all the teams show off their routines to their friends and family. Because it’s my first year I am coaching the kids that are the youngest and most new to cheerleading. The way the showcase works is the lower-level teams go first and higher levels go towards the end.
The showcase is about 2.5 hours with a 30-minute intermission. My kids performed at 12:20 while the team that I am on performed at 2:00. Here is where the issue came.
My family has never been good with time, especially my mother. I told them about this showcase over a month in advance and even reminded them the morning of.
The show started at 12:00, and doors opened at 11:45. We live about 15 minutes away from where the showcase was, so I told them to leave at 11:30 and be there by 11:45. Fast forward to 12:15 and they still haven’t shown. I wanted my family there because even though they do stuff like this and are often late I still considered them my support group.
My kids perform and they do awesome, but my family wasn’t there. 12:45 comes and they finally walk into the gym. The second I saw them, I had to excuse myself to go to the restroom because I was so mad. They tried to come up to me and say hi but I brushed them off.
My mom was texting me and saying things like “it wasn’t her fault”, “they left the house by 11:50 and were parked by 12:10”, “there were a lot of places on campus I got lost.” She also lied and said she saw a part of the kids’ routine from the window, which is a complete and utter lie because the doors were closed when my kids went on.
When the showcase was over and I confronted my family about it I started getting the truth out of them. I checked their Life360 and found out they left the house at 12:15 and got to the parking lot by 12:40 because they stopped for coffee. When I confronted them about this, they just ignored it.
I cried and told them how much it meant for me to have them there to see this as my first year of coaching and how disrespected I felt that they came an hour late to an event I told them about over a month ago.
They told me that more important stuff was happening in the world and people are dying and I shouldn’t be upset over a little cheerleading event. I understand that other stuff is happening in the world, but to me, cheerleading is MY WORLD. This sport has provided me with so many friends and opportunities, and I wouldn’t be a fraction of the person I am today without it.
AITJ for distancing myself from them for missing this and lying?”
Another User Comments:
“I can feel your disappointment. This was important to you, your family let you down and lied about it. It’s a life lesson to understand who people are and to have realistic expectations of them.
Sometimes a good cry is cathartic. I get the impulse to punish them. Try to recover and not dig a deep hole. If it comes up again it’s ok to state that it was important to you and you were disappointed. End of. No dramatics, no arguing, no debate.
Let that statement be your answer and let it sit there and make them uncomfortable. They may never admit they messed up but I hope in the future they are more mindful of you. But now you’ve seen how they operate. Scale back your expectations and embrace and enjoy the people who share this wonderful sport with you.” Firm-Molasses-4913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What is this….”there is more important stuff”, “people are dying” crap?!? Way to be supportive. Did they rescue someone from a car crash on the way there? They are just deflecting. My father was the type of person that could not be counted on, especially financially.
But he never said anything like that to me. He would take his licks when I used to get upset. Just let me vent and then move on. By adulthood, I realized that I just had to accept him for who is was – all talk, no action.
I loved him, but could not always depend on him. It naturally created a distance but I knew it was the best option. I could have always been angry with him or I could still have a relationship with acceptance. OP – I hope you can find the balance between accepting your family and not being hurt by their selfishness.” llmcr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What they are doing is the definition of gaslighting. You would be perfectly justified in distancing yourself from them over this. This is EXACTLY why people distance themselves from others: lack of interest, respect, courtesy, etc… I wouldn’t cry about it if you can help it, but they are showing you who they are, and how much they care about you and your interest. Putting distance between you and people who don’t share your interests or respect your interests and time is just the natural result.
Next time, invite friends instead of family, or invite family members that actually care.” Driftwood256
12. AITJ For Refusing To Bake Cookies For My Family When I Can't Attend The Baking Day?
“I, a 30-year-old woman, love baking, and for the past 7 years, I have been holding a baking day in December with my family at my grandma’s house.
I will pay for everything, do the prep, and keep an eye on the cookies while in the oven.
Every year we will make around 5-6 kinds of cookies. And it’s fine, we have tried to cut down to 3…but people got upset because they want their cookies!
(They got really upset.)
When we are done baking, we split the cookies. And people go home, and yeah, we eat too at grandma’s but last year she asked us to eat before coming over.
The problem is that this year my grandma set a date, without me.
She told the date to everybody, and after that, she told me.
The thing is that it’s a day when I have to work, and can’t come? And when my grandma found out she asked if I could bake the cookies, so they did not have to?
Or at least a few of them? When my mom heard this, she asked me to make grandma find another day, because my mom knows that if I’m not there… there will be no cookies! My grandma will not change the date, and I will not spend time and money on cookies just so they all can sit and relax, and just do nothing?
While I bake for 5 households, they can’t even remember to bring a cookie jar every year.
So, will I be the jerk for saying no, I don’t want to bake the cookies? When grandma doesn’t want to change the date so I can be there?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Grandma messed around and now comes to the find-out stage. As for you baking all the cookies, isn’t it nice to be voluntold? Buy the stuff (did they reimburse you?), make the dough (‘just’ 5-6 different kinds), make sure the ‘forgetful people’ have jars… are they even doing something baking related?
And no, cookie forming and eating do NOT count! Jerk-me would be so sorry but ‘I injured my wrist and can’t bake this year, sorry’ (lie obviously). The bandage looks self-applied? Why yes, I had to loosen it a bit to be able to wash myself, you know?
And if you choose your dominant hand, ‘well how do I wipe myself thoroughly if I can’t bend my wrist properly? Believe me, I tried!’ Too bad that you having to loosen up the bandage would mean that your ‘recovery time’ will expand…” Tessa_Kamoda
Another User Comments:
“You started out doing something nice as a treat for the people in your family, out of your own pocket and the goodness of your heart, and over the years, they’ve come to believe you owe them the nice thing. You actually don’t owe them anything.
They’re going to kick and scream, like every entitled person who has something free taken away from them. But if your grandma can’t be bothered to accommodate the cook, she doesn’t get to eat the biscuits. It’s a family baking day. You can’t come that day.
Tell them, what a shame, have fun baking together and maybe you’ll be able to come next year. If your grandma or anyone else asks you to bake at home for them, just say ‘Sorry, I can’t! I have to go now. Bye!’ NTJ, obviously.” atterysquash
11. AITJ For Not Cracking My Husband's Eggs Properly?
“Once in a while, I like to make eggs on toast. My spouse has mentioned a few times that he finds eggshells in them. I grew up with my mom cracking a soft-boiled egg with one hard smack in the middle of the eggs.
If I had some shell in it I would spit it out or eat it. My spouse asked me to make him some this morning. I made him the eggs in an egg cooker. Toasted him his toast and said it was ready. I left him in charge of his egg cracking, so I wouldn’t have to hear about the shells.
Now we are in a fight and he says he will not cook for me anymore because I didn’t provide him with a complete breakfast. I actually cracked one egg and asked him to do his other one. Instead of doing that he only ate the egg I put on his toast and the other toast on top.
Never cracked his own egg. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’ll be unpopular here but YTJ. So your mom thought it was ok to serve eggs with the shell but it’s not unreasonable to expect that the person making eggs makes an effort to remove the shell which clearly your mom didn’t do and you don’t care to either.
Instead of doing what is reasonable, your approach is for him to do it yourself. I find that logic to be total crap. You wouldn’t like your husband to do something for you in a shoddy manner because that’s how his dad did it right?
As a couple you do things for each other – if you’re making breakfast how hard is it to properly peel the shell? Saying we do the things we do because our parents did it like that – you’re a grown woman you can do better.
I would actually also be pretty upset with you. When I do things for my spouse I do it well and I want the same energy when he does things for me. My husband has a way he likes his eggs – it’s not to my taste but if I make him eggs I do it how he likes.
He treats me with the same consideration. So your husband might be overreacting but I understand his logic and sentiment.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“You’re a grown adult who does not know how to crack an egg or to serve one without shells in it.
That automatically makes YTJ. All of the rest of the conflict would not exist if you knew how to do something most of us knew how to do as kids. Your refusal to learn and improve and your excuse of “my mom did it this way and I never complained” is precisely the sort of brain-dead response I’d expect from someone who just perpetuates the cycle of bad behavior because “that’s how it was back in my day”.
What an absolute joke.” fotw8
Another User Comments:
“I make eggs fairly often and I find your approach baffling. First off, there’s a way to crack eggs that minimizes getting shells in the eggs. Just because your mother did it a certain way doesn’t mean that’s the best way, nor does it mean you shouldn’t change the method.
I do plenty of things differently from my mother if they are better ways to do things or just suit me better. Secondly, shells in eggs are not great. They ruin the experience. ESH only because he should be cracking (and maybe cooking) his own eggs if he has such a problem with your methods.
He doesn’t get to complain if he’s not willing to do it himself.” TA_totellornottotell
10. AITJ For Uninviting My Overly Attached Best Friend From My Wedding?
“My best friend (25m) (we will call James) and I have known each other since high school but only became friends afterward.
I (25f) got a partner (26m) (we will call Alex) last year. James started making weird remarks, such as, “Don’t you think Alex looks like me?” When they look nothing alike. The only similarities they have are race and glasses.
Alex and I got engaged a couple of months ago and James was upset that he wasn’t part of it.
He asked me “What’s wrong with you” and put his fingers to his head. He has been very passive-aggressive towards my now fiancé Alex. We both have talked to James about his actions and trying to address them but all he would say is “I don’t have a problem with Alex” in a very annoyed and exasperated tone.
When my fiancé reached out to be friends with him, each time James arrived late or canceled at the last minute. When Alex and I were planning on moving in together, James was originally supposed to move in with us to help mitigate the cost of rent.
Alex and I both had time constraints about when our leases were up and instead of helping, James always flaked whenever we made appointments to see apartments or would schedule it deliberately during times Alex had to work. At that point, James didn’t have a job yet, since he just moved back to town.
After we signed a rental lease without him, he made passive-aggressive comments about us moving in without him, such as “Oh, I guess you just want it the two of you”. Another time he was upset was when Alex and I went on a date together, claiming he had a panic attack because he wasn’t invited. I had to explain that I wasn’t going to invite him on my dates and that he was not a part of my romantic relationship.
Now he’s complaining that we didn’t give him sympathy over something he could have removed himself from, and shouldn’t have been a part of to begin with. I offered my help and he didn’t want it, saying ‘all he wanted was us to give his sympathy, even if it’s false sympathy’, which I do not support.
You either want my help or you don’t, but you’re not gonna demand my attention.
Alex and I are getting married next year and James will not be invited for the disrespect he has directed to Alex, and for trying to insert himself into my relationship.
In other conversations I’ve had with him recently, James is still under the impression that because of our history as friends, he’s still invited to the wedding. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Respectfully, from the context you’ve given, James sounds potentially dangerous.
I don’t know him and I’m only seeing the context you’ve provided, but he just sounds weird. Why is he comparing himself to your fiancé? Why is he upset that he wasn’t involved in the engagement? Do any other friends you know expect to be involved in other people’s engagements?
Why is he making comments about you three living together? Bluntly, why is it any of his business if two people in a monogamous romantic relationship live together and why does he even want to be involved? He quite clearly has a problem with Alex.
OP, with all due respect, do you not think that problem is envy? He sounds like he has had a thing for you this whole time and is behaving like a creep now you have a man. I’d be suspicious of being alone around him at all, let alone having him at the wedding.” crazyheather345
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also girl, this “best friend” totally has a thing for you. I genuinely cannot think of any other reason why he’d be acting like this throughout your relationship. Why else would he remark, “Don’t you think Alex looks like me?” Honestly, at this point, you’ll need to cut the cord and do it definitively cause I’m willing to bet that if you don’t get ahead of this, he’s gonna do something dramatic when he realizes he’s not invited. You gotta let him know where he stands in regards to your two’s friendship and make it clear to him that his disrespect towards you AND Alex throughout the entire relationship isn’t and has never been okay and that his behavior is why he’s not being invited to the wedding.
Don’t forget to make it clear to any mutual friends too cause I’d bet that he’d also spin some yarn to them as well. It might not prevent his making a scene at the wedding itself, but it’s a start to severing this tie and setting a firm boundary.” GreekDudeYiannis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to not invite him to your wedding as no one is entitled to an invitation. However, you are the jerk for letting this relationship go on so long. You need to meet up with James in a public space where your fiance is present and able to jump in if it gets physical, and you need to have a direct conversation with him to end the friendship.
I would also suggest making sure you have an alarm system and camera in your home and cars and letting your parents and close friends know what is going on. I agree with others that it is extremely bizarre that, having had these weird issues with James, you and Alex would have even considered moving in with him.
You are not doing anyone any favors by sending such mixed messages.” Little_Loki918
9. AITJ For Going To The Pharmacy Counter First?
“I had gotten to my pharmacy at 1:30 pm, forgetting they’re closed for lunch until 2. There was absolutely no one there so I sat in the waiting areas, less than 2 feet away. A few people showed up, asking if I was waiting and I said yes.
They sat next to me. 5 minutes before 2 a line of about 6 people had showed up, first in line being a woman who looked to be in her late 60s- 70s. As the pharmacy opened I stood up, the woman who sat next to me commented about how the line appeared and shared the sentiment that we were there early/first. I stepped forward when the pharmacist waved me forward and went directly to the counter.
As I spoke to the pharmacist, a man behind the elderly woman spoke to me loudly saying, “hey that’s not right, she was first in line, you should have let her go. She’s elderly, you need to respect her.”
I tried to explain I’d been waiting 30 minutes, however he cut me off repeating that I was disrespectful.
Even going as far as to apologize to the woman as if I’d attacked/yelled at her. She and I never even said a word to each other.
I told him to please leave me alone. But when I turned back to the screen I heard other people in line saying things to them like, “hey I think you did the right thing, she shouldn’t have done that” to the man.
I feel so humiliated and confused…was I really being rude to her for that? I get that I was sitting down and she was standing but I was clearly there first, several others could have confirmed that…and if she wanted to I’m sure she could have sat with us and people would have let her take her proper place.
Am I having one of those missing social cues moments? Because I feel like I was just being fair to myself. I also don’t want to be the kind of person who’s being a jerk or makes others feel bad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I guess I’m “elderly” because I’m almost 66 but I am healthy and fit.
I have a different perspective. I worked until I was 60, and my lunch hour was limited and so were my after-work hours. We “elderly”, unless we are limited mobility or sick, have time to wait. Working people may not have time to wait. I promised myself that when I retire, I would be more patient since I have more time.” ElmLane62
Another User Comments:
“It’s happened to me before – basically, the first person to actually stand and start the line I immediately informed that myself and the other person sitting were first and second. They said gotcha and as more people joined it just kind of got passed down the line that we were first. Honestly, did the people in line think you were just sitting there for some reason other than to go to the pharmacy?
Next time take your phone out, make a big #1 on a note app, and just hold it out in front of you for all to see! NTJ!” mulder1921
Another User Comments:
“Had I been the lady in line, I would have asked if you were waiting.
Had I been the OP sitting down and had the elderly lady in line not asked, I would have spoken up and let her know I was first. Since neither one of those happened, I’m caught somewhere in between. Not having said anything during the 5 minutes everyone else was lining up and waiting until the pharmacist asked who was first before the OP jumped up and cried “ME”.
Makes me want to ask, “then why aren’t you in the darn line like everyone else is?” If you snooze, you lose. Yes, she should have asked. The fact she didn’t, puts the ball in your court. Had it been me I would have gotten up and gotten in line right after the first woman showed up.
Once I was in line and even if the lady realized I was first and apologized, I would have told her to stay where she was and let that be my good deed of the day. That’s just me.” DachSonMom3
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend My Birthday At A Concert I Don't Like?
“Over the past week, my fiancée (34F) has been hinting towards a plan she has been working on for this upcoming weekend to celebrate my birthday.
Whenever we make plans, we like to keep them secret from the other person so it’s more of a surprise in the moment. Then today, she called and asked me if we could go to the Billie Eilish concert on my actual birthday. She then told me that another option we could do was to go and see the concert during the celebration weekend, but they would be more expensive so she would need me to pay for half the price of the tickets.
Both concerts are a 2-hour drive away.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely enjoy going to concerts with her, but we both have dramatically different tastes in music and I honestly would prefer to just have a lazy day for my birthday. At first, I agreed and said we could go on my actual birthday.
However, this kind of upset me and when she called me back later I suggested that maybe she could go with one of her friends and I could just stay home and be lazy or hang out with my brother. She responded by telling me that I was being selfish.
My instant reaction was to say that she was the one being selfish. I regret this and wish I hadn’t said it, I foolishly let my emotions take hold. She then proceeded to tell me that I was being ungrateful and how much she had planned the weekend and then broke our surprise tradition by telling me all of the plans she had made for the weekend.
I got home after work and told her I was sorry that I got upset and that I would go to the concert with her on my birthday, but she no longer wants to go. I guess I was just upset overall because I wanted my birthday to be a day that made me feel like I was the most important person for a day, so maybe I am just selfish.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can relate to this. Eons ago it was my birthday and the plans were to go to dinner at a restaurant I really liked. I get dressed and get a call from my friend telling me her partner really wants to go to a club to hear a band, a band I didn’t like.
So she tells me, “we can’t do both, and my partner and others want to see the band, so that’s the plan, and I know you’re going to love it!” So I stayed home. It’s messed up when someone hijacks your occasion but you’re the jerk for some reason.” Charming-Industry-86
Another User Comments:
“Does she know you don’t like Billie Eilish’s music? I kinda don’t get what the big deal is in saying “Oh, hey I’m not into Billie’s music, so maybe there is another friend who would absolutely love her and want to go”?
Obviously, we don’t know the tone it was said in when you told her. “Maybe she could go with one of her friends”…but I think NTJ. You should be able to say something like that without being called selfish.” Imaginary_Panic9583
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to take the ESH stand. I don’t think his fiancee asking about the concert is selfish or thoughtless depending on how she approached it. I know if I asked my SO and he said he was fine with it, I wouldn’t question it even if I knew he didn’t like Billie Eilish.
I would trust him to tell me the truth, not lie about his preferences. However, I think she overreacted to him telling her that he didn’t actually want to go to the concert and suggesting she take a friend if she really wanted to go.
Basically, he shouldn’t have lied, she shouldn’t have overreacted, you shouldn’t have overreacted, and I think you both should apologize to each other and decide on a plan for the Birthday that works for both of you. Find a compromise and move on.” probably_insane_
7. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Help With Dishes At My House?
“My (F23) partner (M22) has been staying with me in my house for the last few months and while he doesn’t actually “live” here, he is here 95% of the time and basically just goes home to wash his clothes and such.
I asked if we could take turns washing the dishes and he was upset that I even asked because “They’re my dishes in my house”. I explained that it’s because he basically lives here at this point and half of the dishes used are from him so it would just help me out a lot.
Am I wrong for asking him to help out?”
Another User Comments:
“What would concern me the most is how he will behave in the future, should you formally live together. Whilst he goes to your place to see you I suspect that there is an added bonus – you do all the traditional ‘housewife’ activities and he gets to sit on his backside with his metaphorical pipe and slippers.
He is taking advantage of you in a number of ways and comes up with some nonsensical excuse to justify why he doesn’t pull his own weight. I’d be interested to see, if you changed things up so that you spend more time at his place, what his thoughts were on host duties vs.
fairness and overall good manners. I don’t think this one’s a keeper. NTJ.” East_Parking8340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You just found out that you would be the one who is responsible for everything. He will need to be asked all the time to ‘help’ you because you will be the only one who cares.
Constant struggle, and my guess is him doing things half-hearted to get out of you asking again. He is at your house 95% of the time. He is an adult. He absolutely knows that he is creating a mess everywhere and should be, ON HIS OWN, cleaning up.
Think about it. Can you even imagine going to stay at a friend’s house for a couple of weeks and not helping clean? Would they even have to ask you to do the dishes or would you end up sometimes fighting over who gets to do them because you want the other to sit and rest. You would be showing gratitude for the space and keeping things as tidy as possible.
It’s nuts that this was his response. I have no other context to know if he is worth any effort on your part but if you do love him, and want to make it work, I would flip it.
I would say flat out that since he feels that the owner of the place should be the cleaner, you no longer want the two of you to hang out at your place and you would like to start hanging out at his place.
I would leave all the mess and then, when he’s ready and wants to start hanging back at your place, have a real conversation about 50/50 and what that looks like. That you are partners in all situations and you help the other whenever you can.
You don’t want your partner to feel burdened or like they are having to do more than you, you want to make sure that you both have equal time for leisure. And, I would not care if he has roommates, lives with his parents, any of it.
Nope, we are at your place now and you clean up after us. You want to come back to my place, it is going to be very different. I would also do it now. The longer you wait, the more of your own time that you are wasting, unless of course you wanted a 13-year-old hanging around all the time, because that is how a 13-year-old thinks.” OhmsWay-71
Another User Comments:
“Your dishes in your house? That means he is no longer welcome to eat from your dishes in your house!! I am 46. I live with my husband. Whenever we go to my parents and eat there, I offer to help with the dishes.
Same with his parents. You make dirty -> you help clean. It is as simple as that. NTJ, unless he never uses anything while being over at your place. But I can’t believe that’s the case…” Zonnebloempje
6. AITJ For Wanting To End My Living Arrangement With My Unappreciative Friend?
“My (31f) friend (32f) and I have been friends for years and we’ve lived together on and off in the course of our friendship with no issues. The last two years we’ve been living together after both of our abusive marriages ended.
So like when we were looking for our place to live, she refused to walk through any of the properties with me.
At one point, I thought she didn’t want to move in with me at all, so I started looking at apartments for one bedroom and ended up signing the lease for a one-bedroom apartment. Well, she still wanted to move in with me so the apartment upgraded us to a three-bedroom instead.
Not a big deal so I thought but when we got here, she demanded the main bedroom and she hated everything about the apartment.
When it came to the main bedroom, I refused – I told her outright that it wasn’t fair for her to try to take the main bedroom when I wasn’t even charging her a full half of the rent for the apartment (I pay $600 more), and I gave her the whole backside of the apartment because she has a child.
And that child and her mother should have the rooms that are next to each other. She expected me to take the room next to her kid and share a bathroom with her kid instead of taking the room with its own bathroom, separated on the opposite side of the apartment.
Now that was early on, and we worked through those issues although she still complains or makes snide comments to this day.
Skipping forward, 6 months ago she got a new dog. I love animals and she already had cats to begin with. I don’t own any pets so I tend to give them all a bunch of love.
But now she’s making snide comments about how I “steal her animals from her”. And it’s so unnecessary and unprompted at times. Like she’s been calling me the animals’ “second mommy” for months and now all of a sudden, she’s upset that the animals like to sleep with me or play with me or cuddle with me at all.
I’ve also noticed the same jealousy in regards to how her child interacts with me too. I feel like I can’t do anything right in my own home and I’ve also noticed issues with her listening to my conversations on the phone. She’ll bring up something I mentioned to my sister when I was on the phone with her randomly as if she was a part of the conversation and she wasn’t.
Will I be the jerk if I end our living arrangement when our lease is up? I get that she’s a single mom and she struggles with money, but I can’t live like this. I cannot live where I am in constant secret competition with someone.”
Another User Comments:
“Just let her know that you won’t be renewing the lease. Tell the landlord that at renewal time YOU want to rent a 1 bedroom. She is an adult and it is up to her & her mom to figure it out. Be prepared for solid guilt tripping and to lose the friendship.
She is using you and not even thankful for your help. Does the landlord know about all the pets & new dog? You are liable for any damages the pets cause because you are on the lease.” OldGmaw2023
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but please can I ask, why you are paying $600 a month MORE than her when there is 1 of you and 2 of them?
Even a 50:50 split would be fairer than the current agreement. Please for your own sanity, tell her asap that when the lease is up, you are moving out on your own. If she wants to stay, fine, the whole rent is now hers. Tell her she needs to make repairs from pet damage and make sure she knows that the landlord will be informed of who the pets belong to.
Let the landlord know you are leaving at the end of the lease, and if the landlords are nice, ask if they have any smaller properties you can move into. I know you will probably miss the pets, and the little girl, but your friendship is no longer viable if she is causing you so much grief and unhappiness.
I wish you all the best in your search for a sanctuary and hope the rest of your lease isn’t too horrific.” SmurfettiBolognese
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a miserable roommate. The facts that she struggles with money and is a single mom are not your issues to fix.
Your relationship with her has changed and you can no longer live with her in peace. Let her know now that you will be moving to a one-bedroom apt at the end of the current lease. If she asks why – tell her that you are no longer compatible roommates.
You don’t have to debate it and defend your reasoning, let her know that you’ve thought it over and want to live without roommates, kids, and pets.” noccie
5. AITJ For Not Moving Back Home To Help My Parents Pay Their Mortgage?
“I (21f) am a senior in college. Recently, my dad got detained. He financially supported my family. He and my mom recently bought a new (very expensive) house.
After being detained, my older sister who lives with them took on two more jobs and now works 7 days a week to help pay for the house.
My sister and I have spoken many times about selling the house as only she and my mom live there and they don’t use half the house. However, my parents are very against it.
Recently, I spoke with my mom about my plans after college.
I had a job lined up from my internship and my partner’s (of 3 years) parents agreed to let me stay with them rent-free. Of course, I would be sending money back to help ease the burden. My mom was very angry when I told her my plans.
My parents are very traditional immigrants and were against me living with them since we weren’t married and my dad had yet to meet my partner.
I am very close with my sister and she has told me my parents had tried convincing her to get me to break up with my partner since he is of a different race.
I knew they were racist and was hesitant to have him meet them.
My parents had wanted me to move back home and work there to pay off their mortgage so my sister could go to grad school.
I love my sister and want her to be able to achieve her dreams. However, my parents can be very verbally abusive and I was in a very dark place living with them before college.
I’m scared that once I move back with them they won’t let me go and it would be the same thing all over again and this time I would not make it out alive.
AITJ for not moving home to help pay my parents’ mortgage?”
Another User Comments:
“I have worked for almost 25 years with the migrant community and it’s very interesting the cultural differences, and even the differences within certain cultures. Some come here and sacrifice everything to help the next generation succeed, and when they, the kids, are educated, successful, etc., they help them for life.
Some only care about themselves and the kids are expected to sacrifice their future for the parents. Which perpetuates their cycle. And many cultures expect either the oldest or youngest to just sacrifice themselves totally for their siblings. It’s not always about favoritism, it’s just “the way it is”.
The number of times young adults have said that to me is sad. Make decisions for yourself!! Do not let cultural or family pressures and expectations damage your future in any way! You are out! The biggest tool they have now is guilt. Harden yourself against it and if you have to stop communication!
Racial bias hits so many groups that aren’t Americans of African descent. Italian, Hmong, Korean. Only it’s mostly hidden. My grandfather married outside the same race, when he died my great grandparent completely ostracized my grandma and my dad and uncles never forgot how she was treated. It’s ugly.
Don’t tolerate it and if you love this man and they mistreat him break communication. It’s poison.” khampang
Another User Comments:
“Don’t do it. It’s clear you feel what’s best for you is taking the internship and moving forward as you had planned. It would be a very bad idea to move in with people who are abusive, racist, unsupportive of your life, your plans, and your relationship, and who only want you there to give them money when you’ve got a better situation for yourself elsewhere.
Good parents would want what’s best for you, not want your money. They do not need help with the mortgage. If they can’t afford it, they can sell the house. Their foolish housing and financial decisions are not your problem to solve. Don’t “send money home to help”, either – they aren’t struggling, they are refusing to face reality and downsize.
Asking their children, one a recent grad working as an intern and the other trying to save for grad school, to fund a lifestyle they can’t afford, is selfish. If you want to help anyone, help your sister – encourage her to move out and get away.
NTJ.” SummitJunkie7
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you have grown up in a difficult situation, OP. I’m so sorry. It also sounds like your father is in detention, and may be sent back to his home country. If that is the situation, then perhaps your parents should think about selling the house and renting for now.
Maybe a financial advisor could help with the difficult decision. It seems like your parents need to know the different scenarios to help them make a decision. In any event, OP, none of this is your responsibility to fix. Don’t send any money, either, unless your mother gets a job, too.
NTJ.” Swedishpunsch
4. AITJ For Not Attending My Sister's Wedding Because My Son Wasn't Allowed?
“I (24, f) have a five-year-old son named Sam. I had my son at a very young age, as did his father, John, with whom I have a healthy relationship to this day. John is American, I am not, so we got married when I got pregnant so we could all live here in the US.
My family was not happy with my pregnancy and pretty much shut me out of their lives. John’s parents very happily accepted me, but they are very old, and all the responsibility of caring for Sam falls on us, which means no nights off, no frequent dates, and nothing that generally can’t involve Sam.
The responsibility falls especially on me since I take care of the household while John works long shifts.
Six months ago, my mother called me to tell me that my sister was getting married. During a video call, my sister asked me to be her maid of honor, which I excitedly accepted. However, when I received the invitation, problems arose.
The wedding was to be in my country, and each guest was required to cover their own travel, lodging, and clothing expenses. John offered to work overtime so that Sam and I could go, and after months of extra work, I managed to buy a nice dress and book a simple hotel room.
A month before the wedding, I called my sister to confirm our attendance, and that’s when she informed me that children were not allowed at the ceremony. I told her that wasn’t specified on the invitation (it literally wasn’t written anywhere on the invitation) and she said she hoped everyone would just take that for granted. I explained that I didn’t have anyone to leave Sam with, and reminded her of our financial situation, and she suggested leaving him with John or hiring a nanny.
John works long shifts, and we don’t have the budget for a nanny for so many days just for a wedding.
She compared the situation to when I hired a nanny during my father’s hospitalization, which seemed pretty stupid to me since it was a medical emergency and not a social event.
After an argument, I told her that I would have to decline my role as bridesmaid since I couldn’t leave my son. I want to clarify that I never asked her to make an exception for Sam (because I understand that weddings are not places for children, lol, I’m not an idiot just a person who doesn’t take things for granted), I just wanted her to understand my situation AFTER I told her I couldn’t go.
She called me selfish and mentioned that she had already paid for my place in the wedding. I offered to reimburse her with the money for the dress, but she just hung up. Now there are two weeks left until the wedding but I keep getting messages from her, calls to insult me, and emails arguing that since I live in the US I should have enough money for a babysitter, which at least in my opinion is totally ridiculous.
I got the money back for the dress and the hotel, and I plan to give it back to John unless my sister claims it to cover the wedding expenses, but if she doesn’t… well, I don’t know if I should offer it to her again.”
Another User Comments:
“It would have been perfectly fine for the sister to not want her very young nephew at the ceremony. However, she should have looked for a babysitter for the day and welcomed nephew for the visit. OP couldn’t do that from another country.
Sister is not someone I would travel so far and spend so much money to support. OP, give the money back to your husband. Are there any household expenses coming up? The fridge working well? Roof’s good? How’s the car? Is there something you two want that’s too much for regular bills?
Do you want to save the money for an emergency? Start a college fund for your son? Much better than wasting the money to see someone who just wants to be mean.” Bouche_Audi_Shyla
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A wedding invite without clear conditions is like a recipe without instructions chaos is bound to ensue.
Expecting guests, especially those traveling internationally, to automatically know that children aren’t welcome is a bit of a stretch. Your sister’s failure to communicate effectively isn’t your fault. You’ve done what you can to be supportive and offered solutions post-discovery of the ‘no kids’ rule.
It’s not selfish to prioritize your child’s well-being and your family’s financial situation over a wedding. If offering the dress and hotel refund money back eases your mind, do so, but your sister’s response, or lack thereof, is on her.” nemorolls123
Another User Comments:
“How did your sister expect you to just know children weren’t welcome at the wedding if it wasn’t on the invitation and she didn’t use her big girl words and say so while you were making plans? You’re not a mind reader, I presume, and if you were going back to your home country you likely assumed your son was not only welcome but as part of the family, would he be someone your family wanted there?
It sounds like your sister is a little jealous that you live in the US – if she only knew the realities she might feel differently, but at any rate, you tried your best, her poor communication skills left you with no choice but to step away and she has no one to blame but herself.
NTJ.” forgetregret1day
3. AITJ For Changing The Winner Of The Costume Contest At My Fraternity's Halloween Party?
“I am the events chair of my fraternity for the semester and I planned out a Halloween party that happened yesterday.
At the party, we typically have a huge costume contest. You pay 5 dollars to enter and if you win, you win the pot. We usually pull about 30 to 50 entries.
So the prize is pretty nice. This year we had 40 people enter and about 160 people attending.
In years past, the winner has been this one specific girl that my frat brothers are attracted to. Her costume is usually the typical sorority girl costume (an animal of some kind, boots, fishnet leggings, a short skirt, basically a corset, and then animal ears and light face paint).
Now I’m not a Halloween stickler. This year my costume was literally just angel wings, white shorts, and a halo. I know fully that I’m dressing up so attractive guys that think I’m attractive will take notice and that it’s not a “good costume”.
Her costume isn’t good. Sure, she looks good in it. But the point of the party is who has the best costume.
So we have the contest, and she’s wearing her MO. She was a bee, but her backside was hanging out and her chest was about to fall out of her shirt.
So we held the contest, people voted anonymously and guess what. She won. But by one vote. I hadn’t voted yet, so I simply cast my vote and then my vice chairman, who agreed with me cast his vote. That just happened to be enough to put her in second place.
When I told my brothers they complained and moaned about it, but I told them she simply didn’t win and she should do better next year. They eventually talked me into creating a runner-up prize of 50 dollars to the girl.
When we announced the winner, she was visibly upset.
This was the first time she hadn’t won in the last 4 years. Now apparently, last night one of my brothers was overly attentive and told her that I intentionally voted against her because I didn’t like her (not true, I’m genuinely apathetic about her).
She found me later that night and cursed me out and said I had a problem with her. I told her simply that we weren’t having a most revealing costume contest, but a best costume contest, and that she’s lucky we bent the rules to give her 50 bucks.
We argued and ended up getting separated.
Now my frat brothers are upset at me for upsetting her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You all voted, she didn’t win. Was it because some people voted because they were tired of her winning or because you were jealous of her yourself?
Who knows and who cares. It doesn’t matter. The votes were made and she didn’t win this year. Her being upset about it and others suggesting a consolation prize (thinking with their third leg) is wrong for trying to change the rules after the fact.
So, no go. Just tell her and them, like you said, better luck next year.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“Unfortunately since you wrote so much about her body specifically, nobody here is getting past that, and your post does come off as “not like other girls/boys,” because of the language like “about to fall out” and “hanging out.” If you had stuck to the facts that seemed to be your original issue: her costumes are low effort and there have (presumably) been costumes with higher effort and final result, this vote would be more clear.
I also took it as you either not entering in the contest/not expecting to win because you knew yours was also low effort. NTJ for not thinking a low-effort costume should win. Definitely somewhat jerk for writing this while defensive and therefore adding so much about her body into it.
Even though it is likely that you were fine with her revealing outfit just didn’t think it should win. If there’s regularly a clear divide, many contests have done things like the main prize and then the scariest or fan favorite gets an honorable mention style prize.” TheGirlOnFireAndIce
2. AITJ For Asking A Woman To Keep Her Dogs Off The Playground Equipment?
“Last Friday my wife and I took our 2 kids under 3 to the playground in our neighborhood park. This was a rare Friday where there were no commitments as we usually take them first thing in the morning.
As we approached we noticed there were probably a dozen kids there and 2 large labs running in the grassy area unleashed. My wife and I are like the dogs shouldn’t be there unleashed but our little guy was excited to be at the playground.
So we continued. We let our boy run around and the younger one we put in the swing. Some parents that were there started talking to us. They are essentially one big neighborhood parent group and meet up weekly. I didn’t know anyone in this group.
My son climbed a structure and went down a slide. Once he was off the slide there were no kids on that structure. A lady that had the 2 dogs there (I still don’t know if she was a parent), let the dogs onto the playground structure and let them go down the slide.
I spoke up to this lady and told her to keep her dogs off the equipment. She told me they were her service dogs. I said I don’t think service dogs play on playground equipment. She snaps back to me service dogs are allowed to take breaks.
She continues saying that we are here every week and no one has ever complained. I say that not everyone is comfortable around dogs and tell her I think it’s selfish to let your dogs on the equipment especially when children are around.
Some parents support her and said as much to my wife and me.
She told me that I should make sure my kids are comfortable around dogs before bringing them around dogs. I told this lady that she was insane and completely missed my point. My wife and I left after this. We noticed a social media post about us (that we have not engaged) and it seems it’s 50/50 on if we are the jerks.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Having kids myself I know that if this is an enclosed play area it almost certainly will have a no-dogs rule. Of course the exceptions of service dogs are a given but you’re right a service dog should not be off a leash and going down slides around other children.
They should be on a lead and aiding the owner not messing around on kid play area slides! I would be surprised if these were actually service dogs, it sounds like she wanted her dogs to have priority. Not only is it unsafe but it’s not overly hygienic to have dogs on play equipment.
Regardless of her situation or the dogs’ serviceability, they should be controlled.” JMcA97
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. It sounds like the dogs were well-behaved, well-trained, and the lady waited until the kids had vacated the playset before letting the dogs go down the slide.
I’m unclear as to why you felt the need to comment or even interact with this woman if she and her dogs weren’t causing any issues other than simply being present and using the park as it was intended? I would be more understanding if the dogs were knocking into kids, upsetting them, or acting aggressive but it sounds like you created a problem that wasn’t there in the first place.
Granted, it’s hard to say considering I don’t know what the leash regulations are for your area, but unless the park explicitly states “no dogs allowed” or that dogs must be leashed at all times, I fail to see the issue.” endofprayer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a parent with young children under three, I would have seen the dogs and gone to a different park. I love dogs (most of the time). But I always err on the side of caution when it comes to dogs I don’t know.
I am also disabled and have spent a lot of time with service dogs. Most, if not ALL, service dog handlers take their dogs to dog parks to help them get out energy and play. Not parks where children play. It just seems like such a dumb risk.
What if a child was allergic to dogs? What if a child decided to “play” with the dogs and the dogs got hurt? What if the dogs knocked a child off the play equipment? There are just so many unknowns when it comes to strange dogs and strange children.
Personally, I don’t think you’re a jerk at all. I think you were right to engage with her.” wonderstruck420
1. AITJ For Being Uncomfortable With My Son's PDA At Home?
“My son is 17 and has a partner. Before anyone accuses me of being homophobic, I’m not. I’m happy for him that he’s out and seeing someone.
However, I’m not comfortable with public displays of affection. They’re always hugging and kissing (not making out or anything, but still), always touching each other (nothing inappropriate), always babying each other, and sorta doing baby talk too.
I didn’t say anything until today. My son was wringing out a towel in the kitchen and his partner goes “oooh look at your arms” and squeezes them. I said that was inappropriate and he just looked at me weirdly and sort of brushed me off.
I had a conversation with my son about it and he just got defensive and wouldn’t listen. I told him he needed to respect our home or his partner wouldn’t be allowed back.
Not only does it make me uncomfortable I also have other younger kids.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Let me get this right: I’m clearly NOT homophobic as I’ve not kicked my son out of the house for being gay, but I’m ‘uncomfortable’ with seeing any sign of affection between him and his partner. I’m going to use the defense “think of the children” as my defense and claim it’s PDA despite the ‘public’ displays of affection being in the kid’s own home.
I admit that everything is just normal affection between a couple, but I still call it inappropriate. I also told my kid his partner wouldn’t be allowed back in the house if they didn’t stop showing affection, and basically only acted like friends in front of me.
What could possibly make me the jerk? Shocked Pikachu face. My mother was EXACTLY like you. I accept you but I now have NC with her. Good luck with driving your kid away from you with this attitude. If you really love your son and want to change your latent homophobic mindset, I suggest becoming a member of PFLAG.” curious_seahorse1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Don’t get me wrong. I actually know a lot of people who are uptight about even the mild PDA you refer to. But their reasoning is different than yours — mostly it makes them feel like a fifth wheel, as if the couple in question would really prefer coupling alone.
Whereas you actually cite younger children as a concern — as if your son and his partner were doing something too adult and/or shameful for children to witness when nothing you’ve described even rises to a PG rating. And the language you used, respect our home, is excessive.
What has got you so upset to phrase it that way? I agree that it can be more agreeable to be around couples who aren’t physically lovey-dovey — especially if you are not in a couple yourself. But you didn’t say that. They merely hug and kiss — no tongue, am I correct?
Nothing at all that isn’t 100% child-safe. Are you sure you are wholly comfortable that your son is gay? Because your discomfort seems rather heightened, given your mild description of these interactions. At best, giving you all the benefit of the doubt, your threat to banish your son’s lover was way over the top.” brasscup
Another User Comments:
“YTJ…OP, please think for a minute! You know there are going to be displays of affection, right? If you say wrong, then you are incredibly unrealistic. But assuming you are grounded in reality, they will be affectionate with each other. So, where do you think is the best place for this to happen?
Would you prefer that they be out at a park or a store or the street, opening themselves up to bullying and harassment from strangers? Because that is a not uncommon situation for LGBT folks. This is a journey for you, your son, and anyone he is involved with.
Please do not put stones in his path.” PandoraClove
