People Talk About Their Delicate "Am I The Jerk?” Situations
22. AITJ For Refusing To Cook For My Partner On His Designated Cooking Day?
“I’ve (21f) been with my partner (23m) for 8 months everything is great minus a few hiccups like him feeling jealous over my ex (we sometimes work together) or saying my job isn’t as important. Yesterday I got home from work it was a long stressful and hot day (thank you Texas) AND I had done the night watch, I made myself some breakfast and lunch and played some games on my computer.
My BFF messaged me and asked if I wanted to play some with him so I said yes, after a while, my partner woke up and told me to get off and make some actual food.
I said no I’m busy besides it’s his day to cook, he got mad saying he needed to eat before taking his medication.
I said it would be faster to make himself something or eat the leftovers. He said he wanted something fresh. I told him to make it then he got mad but eventually cooked something.
After he ate he came to me and said he was gonna stay at his mom’s because she cares about him and won’t let him go hungry like I do.
I was in disbelief and said he’s a grown man who slept until 1 pm while I was awake all night doing my J.O.B, it isn’t my responsibility. I don’t mind making an extra sandwich while I’m in the kitchen or heating up something or making frozen stuff, he told me I was a jerk and then left.
It’s not like I was doing something important I could have made him something but I was tired and kinda annoyed tbh which is why I’m thinking I was a jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I would honestly have laughed. Bail. Seriously. If this was my son and he came home looking for a cooked meal because his partner wouldn’t make him one, I’d kick him up his stupid behind and send him out the door.
Which is why it wouldn’t happen. Wouldn’t you rather be with an adult? The “hiccups’ are the little seeds that will grow into massive contempt and disrespect, OP. This isn’t how relationships are meant to be. Jealousy, grandiosity…yeah. He’s not that great. You’re getting the tests now, to see what he can get away with.
He’ll come back and next time, maybe you’ll just cook to avoid a row? And before you know it, you’re up to your neck in toxic nonsense. At 21. You could be doing anything but you’re dealing with a bratty mama’s boy, in 2022. Just for insight – I came home in the morning after working all night recently, and my husband had made ME food and ran me a bath because he knew I’d be bushed. He also changed the bed linen and set up our room so I could get some rest, and took our baby out of the house for a while.
And this is why I married him because he’s a considerate, respectful grown-up.” lickykicky
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it looks like your partner is an abusive misogynist. Not only did he demand that you cook for him, he then insulted you for saying no. From the sound of it, he doesn’t respect you for your work either.
I’m guessing these are just a couple of examples. His behavior is unacceptable and if you stay with him, things will get worse. If you can, it’s time to pack his things, put them by the door, and tell him to pick them up. Have a friend or family member there to support you.
It’s time to end this relationship before you become more trapped. He clearly doesn’t respect you.” magnus_the_fish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s time to kick this one to the curb and find yourself an adult. Grownups don’t have hissy fits because they have to cook for themselves; they get in the kitchen and make with the pots and pans, pausing long enough to say, ”I’m making eggs.
Would you like some?” A grownup who goes home to Mama because they have to make their own meal should just stay with her.” Background-Ad-4616
21. AITJ For Refusing To Do More Housework Because I'm Working Two Jobs?
“I (21F) finished Uni and am finishing a master’s degree.
I still live with my parents because it is not usual to move out until around 30 in my country, I am not in America.
I work two jobs one corporate and one teaching job, which total to around 13-14 hours a day, every day of the week.
On weekends, I don’t work but tend to my studies. My mom has a 9-3 job although she is now on leave, and my dad is a SAHH. He has been home for around 8-10 years now. He occasionally works, 15-30 days a year, when called to do so by the city hall.
I wake up at around 8 am and work my first job. When finished, go to my second (no breaks in between, no breaks at all during the day) until 21:30-22:00.
The issue is as follows: my dad, despite being a SAHH, doesn’t want to do many, many household chores, and most of the ones he refuses to do are those that are “for me”.
Examples: he will mop the whole floor, but skip my bedroom floor. He will do laundry, but skip mine. He will make dinner for everyone, but skip mine. He would set the table for everyone for dinner together, but skip all items that are for me to eat with, even when eating the same food.
I don’t make a fuss over this, because I just arrive and do whatever he didn’t do or, in the case of mopping and laundry, take care of it earlier in the morning or on the weekends. I think he should do it for me too, but it’s fine that he doesn’t.
He also by no means is expected to do all housework, my mom irons, I do dishes, brush, vacuum, my mom and I cook, I organize the pantry, take out the trash, deep clean every couple months, we fold and put away all laundry (he puts it in the washer but that’s it, we/I need to hang it, pick it up, fold/iron and put away), etc. etc. I would say the chores are 45% on my dad, 30% on me and 25% on my mom.
However, expenses are 60-40 on my mom and me, with him contributing 0.
I don’t care how they organize their house and marriage, so I will never complain about him not working. But, lately, he has been demanding that I take over a lot of his chores, and I have said that I simply don’t have the time to do it during the day, but that I would happily take over anything he needs on the weekend.
He wasn’t happy with my answer, so he said that I am an entitled jerk and that I think I don’t have to do chores(?). When I reminded him that the reason I couldn’t do more during the week was because I leave at 8 am and come back at 10 pm, he laughed and said ‘here we go again with the argument of working two jobs, your mom used to work 2 jobs too, and she would do housework too when we got married’.
I stuck to my guns and said I would be happy to take over on weekends but that I can’t do any more than I do on weekdays, and left.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad however seems like he would like to be a freeloader.
To me, you’re doing plenty from what you’re describing, and almost seems like your dad should do more chores. When you’re contributing to funding like that, I would expect your dad who has no other obligations to do around 70% of the housework, to make it possible for the working ladies to relax.
However, I find it fair that you clean your own room. If it’s normal for your family to share laundry then I find it odd he doesn’t do yours, if not then I guess it’s fair you do that yourself. But if we’re talking that he has to work to get around doing your laundry because it’s in the same baskets then what the actual flip?
Also what the flip that your dad will purposefully not bring out stuff for you to eat with. Honestly you need to have a serious talk with him.” Pink_Giraf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would sit down with both of your parents & explain how he makes you feel with his pettiness, especially with the no utensil & food situation.
He is being passive-aggressive. You also should not be paying more than 30%, if your mother is happy paying for the leech she needs to pay 2/3 of the bills. Explain that you are thinking of moving out so he can take on 100% of the cleaning & expenses you are contributing.” winesis
Another User Comments:
“Laundry I get (unless you’re just talking bedding and towels, and not unmentionables), but place setting? Not mopping in front of your door? That’s either extremely petty or he just wants you out but doesn’t want to say it since he knows that’ll start a fight with Mom.
NTJ and dip out when you can.” GodOfAtheism
20. AITJ For Urging My Grieving Daughter To Further Her Career?
“My (m54) family and I always viewed education as something very important, and this is something I’ve tried to instill in my kids also. We weren’t well off money-wise growing up, and I made do with the resources I had to study and earn multiple degrees, and am working in a high-level position as a mechanical engineer.
My wife Maggie (f52) is also well educated and a science teacher, but she doesn’t really understand the importance of furthering your career.
My daughter Ashlee (f28) studied computer science. She’s always been somewhat flippant towards her education, but she was a good student and did well in college.
Ashlee decided to work at a low-level IT firm while pursuing a master’s and got married during that time. However, Ashlee’s husband passed in an accident in 2020, a few months into their marriage. Understandably, she went hysterical and withdrew from her master’s course, and we supported her decision to take some time off.
A few nights ago, we got together with Ashlee and my other daughter Zoe (f24) for a family dinner. I, very gently, brought up the topic of going back to finish her master’s with Ashlee. She said she wasn’t interested in studying now and might go back later, and she’s happy at her job (she’s at the same IT firm).
I told her I understood she’s satisfied now, but she needs to go forward in her career eventually. Ashlee looked annoyed and told me she’s fine and recovering, so I said she’s making excuses – it’s tragic what happened to her – but that’s got nothing to do with her education and career and someone died is not an excuse.
I admit I was harsh, but I was just thinking about Ashlee’s future and trying to teach her the importance of a high-level career. Ashlee got very angry and left. Zoe got mad at me for saying that to Ashlee, and Maggie said I went too far.
They do have a history of ganging up against me though, so I told my brother the situation and he agreed that Ashlee needed to hear it. I have mixed reactions, so, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Firstly, your wife is a teacher. She absolutely understands career advancement as she is doing the thing that she literally wants to do.
Teach. The advancement for teaching… Is teaching… You’re a jerk for that alone. Secondly, NO multiple degrees does not necessarily mean you advance your career. It might increase your pay but only MIGHT and certainly not in IT. Not all career fields are the same and a graduate degree in her field might not get her anywhere.
You are not an expert in her field of study. Mind your own field of study and your own business. Thirdly, under no circumstances does going to grad school make processing a major tragedy easier or more realistic. In fact, attempting a major thing that limits social engagement and support and causes burnout regularly -like grad school – while grieving can cause some serious mental health issues.
What the heck is wrong with you? Are you trying to endanger the life of your kid? Fourthly, your daughter is grieving her husband who died suddenly and tragically in 2020. In what universe are you living that you get to brush that off as ‘not a big deal’ and not something she needs to make space to recover from?
Someone dying is absolutely a reason not to be making major life changes. It takes time. You’re a jerk.” JetItTogether
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Did it occur to you that she is 28 and you no longer have a say in how she lives? She could decide to never go back to school, quit her job, and go work at Petco for the rest of her life.
You have no say in what she chooses to do at this point. Also, her husband DIED. Who are you to tell her when she is ready to stop grieving after such a deeply traumatic experience? It would be one thing if you were concerned because she is wallowing in bed every day, but she has a degree and a decent job.
A “high level” career is not everything — happiness, family, and compassion are far more important.” atrocity__exhibition
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I knew you were the jerk as soon as I got to your description of your daughter’s grief over LOSING HER HUSBAND as “(going) hysterical”.
Anyone who can be that callous over their own child’s loss and grief is the jerk, regardless of what else is going on. I get the feeling that your pushing at her about “advancing her career” is more about your desire for status than about actually being concerned for her, you know, happiness with her own life.
Not everyone wants a “high-level career”. Plenty of people are happy making enough to make a living and spending most of their energy on hobbies and activities outside of work. Just because you choose to live to work instead of working to live doesn’t mean you get to demand your children make the same choice.” JadelynKaia
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share The Camera With My Partner On Our Safari Trip?
“I (29F) am a hobby photographer. I am not great, but have a nice camera body and have been taking photos consistently for about 4 years.
My main focus is my dog, but I am also a hobby birder and really love attempting to capture birds and animals especially. My partner (32M) technically purchased the camera body for us as a couple to use. I did not pay for the camera body at all.
It was a significant purchase, but it was several years ago and he makes a lot of money at his job. Despite the purchase, he has never once independently used the camera. He seemingly has no interest in photography. He never has any issue with my use of the camera and typically supports my photography.
Except when we are on very nice vacations. For example, last year we were on a bird tour in Canada and I was super excited to photograph Puffins. On the tour, out of nowhere, he demanded to use the camera. I was really upset but figured I should let him try since it is technically his camera.
Of course, he doesn’t ever use a camera or have experience so he didn’t know what he was doing and didn’t get any good photos. I tried to ask for it back because I was so excited, and we got into a fight. He wanted to keep trying to take photos and ended up using the camera during really special once-in-a-lifetime moments like when an eagle flew by extremely close to us.
Fast forward to the present. We are going on a big safari trip in August. In an attempt to prevent another fight, I brought up this issue preemptively. I said since I am the primary photographer and I am the one renting a very expensive telephoto lens for the trip, I should be the one taking photos.
He got upset and said he doesn’t understand why we can’t share. I really don’t understand why he even wants to use the camera if he doesn’t ever touch it normally. This is a huge trip, that I planned and am the reason we are going on, and I am worried he’s going to ruin it by hogging the camera.
AITJ for being unwilling to share, even though it’s technically his camera?”
Another User Comments:
“I think you need to buy your own camera body or hire one with the lenses and yes, I know the cost. Or get him a decent bridge camera. He’s being unfair.
If you have someone with good skills, you use them when it is important. But think he wants the “glory” of being the star when everyone is taking photos – the man with the expensive lenses. So you may get pushback even if you hire equipment on your own.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“Have you considered that maybe from his point of view, you’re the one “hogging the camera” all year round? You mentioned he makes good money, maybe he works long hours and already has a couple of other hobbies on the side, so he normally doesn’t have that much time to dedicate to photography, outside of vacations.
If you use the camera during vacation + during the rest of the year and end up being the only user, then “technically” as you like to say, it’s just a really nice gift from your partner to you. It also sounds like throughout your post you’re downplaying any interest or skills he might have – if he really had no interest in photography, would he really spend thousands of dollars on a camera?
Of course we cannot be the judge of that but soft YTJ for the bias you display in your post.” abrequevoy
Another User Comments:
“It doesn’t really matter that you are a hobby photographer. It was meant to be shared and so you can’t hog it and neither should he.
I initially wondered if this was a question of him not letting you use the camera and not sharing, but rereading your post and you come off as really entitled. An eagle flew by and you are mad that you were not the one holding the camera at that very specific, unplanned moment, and basically saying that you should be the one using the camera all the time to ensure that every moment is captured to your standard every time.
Get over yourself. There are only two solutions to your problem. The first is that you buy your own camera. The second is that the camera is sold and you can both go back to using your phones. YTJ.” DubiousPeoplePleaser
18. AITJ For Refusing To Change My African Hairstyle Because My SIL Thinks I'm Appropriating Culture?
“My mom is African and my dad is white, I (22F) am somehow very pale like my dad so people don’t think I’m actually African but I am. I took a trip to Belleville South Africa to visit my grandmother. I really enjoyed my time there, it was very beautiful and the people are so sweet.
I got my hair done with beaded box braids and they even offered to do it for free. But once I got back to the States my brother picked me up from the airport with his wife and two kids. His wife immediately gave me a side eye and glared at me the whole time.
Then when I told my mom about my trip my sister-in-law, who is a black woman, jumped into my conversation and said that it was unacceptable that I, a white woman, is wearing African American culture.
I explained to her that my family does have Black South African descent because my brother and I both pass off as white.
My mother just told us to identify as such. Maybe it’s because I’m white. She then said and I quote, “You white women ain’t anything, stop trying to be black.”
I stood up from my seat, told her she can get lost and that I’m less American than she is and that I won’t be changing my hair for a long time.
Then I left with my mom who told me to calm down and that it’s just her opinion. My brother called me telling me I’m such a racist jerk for yelling at his wife and banned me from babysitting my nieces until I formally apologize.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Info: Are you Black and South African or are you white and South African? Both are possible. If you’re Black and South African, this post makes no sense. I don’t believe for a second your brother never told his Black wife he was half Black.
If you’re white and South African you’re a jerk, both for the hair and intentionally misleading in your description. This whole thing sounds like bait from a so-called ‘conservative.’” Euphoric-Round-5182
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This cultural appropriation nonsense again. We are all human and share fashion, food, arts, and ideas.
Tell her she can’t straighten her hair or get a weave with any other color than brown. Eye roll. We used to be the token white family – my daughter counted as 1% of the 9% white at her school. My black friends gave me beads and were supportive of my redheaded kid braided like her friends – she fit in.
It was lovely. Haters gonna hate. Your sister-in-law does not like you and used the braids as a surrogate issue. Just smile and shake your head – don’t give her what she wants – an argument where she comes out as your victim. Keep your joy – don’t let her jealousy of your trip tarnish it.” grianmharduit
Another User Comments:
“After reading through this post and the comments, I have a headache. Nowhere is it clearly stated what your race is. You say you’re white but also say you’re white-passing. You say your mom is white-skinned but never deliberately and clearly state that she is black.
It’s an odd argument to tell an African American woman that you are more “African” than her when white Africans exist. It doesn’t mean you have the black heritage that these styles were made for. I’m also an African American woman, and without all the weird confusing details you’ve added, my gut reaction would be NTJ, just because African people gave you an African style while you were in Africa, which very much sounds like cultural appreciation.
They wanted to share their culture with you, and you accepted. This post in general just feels like bait so people can complain about how annoying cultural appropriation is.” ProgrammerSpiritual2
17. AITJ For Being My Sister's Maid Of Honor Despite Her Not Inviting Our Other Siblings?
“My sister got married two weekends ago. She asked me ages ago to be her maid of honor. I said yes. She asked our brother (younger for her, older for me) to walk her to her husband and then to walk with his parents to their seats, meaning both were walked halfway before walking together the rest of the way.
He said yes also.
When my dad and stepmom heard about my sister’s request for me and my brother they told us we should say no. The reason being our sister did not include or invite our step or half siblings to our wedding, we’re not sure whether she invited our dad or not but regardless, neither he nor our stepmom was there.
They believe my sister is a jerk for excluding the other siblings from the wedding. The fact we were all in the same home for a large chunk of our childhoods and once the marriage happened we lived together 100% since our other parents were dead on both sides.
And the fact they all love her and she never returned that love.
They said we betrayed our other siblings. That we chose to let them know they’re not as important or real siblings to us.
I feel like it’s an overreaction. But I was called a jerk for being her maid of honor.
My brother was called one for walking her down the aisle.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Realistically speaking, she’s probably doing your half and step-siblings a favor because I couldn’t imagine wanting to go to the wedding of a person who has consistently shown that they don’t give a darn about me.
Any attempt to invite them to her wedding would probably be seen as performative because we’ve not been family to you all this time, why do you want us to be now? I’d say NTJ, it sounds like your parents are pushing to preserve a relationship that never existed.” jobrummy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — Whether or not your sister is justified for excluding her step-sibs really has nothing to do with it. It was HER wedding and it was HER choice who to invite to celebrate with her. You and your brother agreed to be there and support your sister because that is what she chose and what she wanted. You can not be held responsible for someone else’s feelings or actions.
Have your dad and stepmom spoken to your sister to see why she feels the way she does? If you have a good relationship with your stepsibs perhaps you can explain just that. That you agreed to support her at her wedding. The day was about her and her new husband, nothing else.” kimariesingsMD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel bad for you and your siblings, but the fact is that your sister is entitled to her feelings and they know how she is. It’s time for your other sibs to let her go. It’s not her fault, it’s not their fault, it’s not anyone’s fault she never got attached and it’s time folks stop expecting her to change the way she feels.
She doesn’t owe anyone anything, she’s trying to live her life. It’s probably for a reason your sister moved out so young and talks to your dad so rarely. So your dad can honestly shove off.” StarlilyWiccan
16. AITJ For Preferring To Go Out Without My Introverted Partner?
“My partner (22M) and I (19F) have been seeing each other for three and a half months, and been in a relationship for a little over two.
He doesn’t go out very much usually only with me since his friends are online friends that he meets up with every six months or so. I on the other hand have a big social circle and love going out clubbing or to house parties pretty much every weekend.
For most of our relationship, I’ve been bringing him along with me every time, but I slowly started picking up on some things that bother me a lot.
1: When we are out he doesn’t really go and socialise, and only seemed to wanna stick to me and sit together and such which I am not a big fan of when I go out.
2: He seemed to get passive-aggressive/depressed/offended when I bounced around to different people like I do at parties.
3: He would often “threaten” to leave either with no real explanation or saying “I don’t feel like I fit in” even though some of the people present were people we had met many times before and said he sees as friends.
All of these things started to make me feel like I couldn’t properly have fun when out since I would keep worrying about how he was doing or felt like I would have to babysit him in order to not have to leave early with him.
And so I started to go to things without him, explaining that I just wanted some time with just my friends and that being out with friends and being out with friends + my partner felt different.
That he didn’t take well, and said he didn’t understand at all since “I never even spend time or notice him” when we were out.
I said that I wanted to prioritize socializing with other people when we went out because I see him all the time privately, but he still didn’t get it.
Then he said that he had been tracking and checking the time when we had been out, saying that I only spend about 15 minutes with him every 3-4 hours.
That kinda shocked me and didn’t really make sense to me, and I told him he should stop doing that and try to enjoy himself when out. He also said that he felt like I had been purposely ignoring him sometimes, and I admitted I had been a few times cause he would act petty when I finally did approach him.
This made him super upset. And the conversation pretty much ended with me saying I preferred being out without him because of the way he would act, and he said he understood me but got really sad.
AITJ for telling him the truth and feeling this way?
I have fun when it’s just the two of us but honestly highly prefer to go out without him.”
Another User Comments:
“Gently here OP; you are not compatible. You’re a social butterfly.. he so isn’t. He’d be better with someone like himself, and you’d be better with someone like yourself.
It’s very early into the relationship and you’re already falling out over vital differences. Remember that the purpose of seeing someone is to get to know them and consider whether you’re a good match for the longer term. You either fit well or you don’t and if you don’t, that’s okay.
You move on and let them find the right person for them. I’d be happy with someone like him, but you aren’t, and he’s not happy with you – so what’s the point? Someone like you would be the perfect match for a cousin of mine – he’s outgoing and would love how social you are.
Please think about this and consider the future. Do you want to cut your wings off to make your bf happy or would you be better off finding someone that has wings himself? NTJ.” singing_stream
Another User Comments:
“You are not compatible. He’s only going out to spend time with you, and then getting upset because you want to socialize like the extrovert that you are.
Naturally, you feel weighed down when he’s with you since he’s an introvert and doesn’t feel comfortable socializing with people he doesn’t know well or in large group settings. Neither of you is wrong for who you are, but neither of you seems to be trying to really see things from the other’s perspective either.
He can’t handle you socializing without taking it personally and if you really do only spend 15 minutes with him every 3-4 hours while out you’re not trying to take into consideration his discomfort or that you attended the event together. Honestly, this relationship isn’t something worth continuing since you’re just fundamentally different people and have different needs that don’t mesh.” Tiffm09
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s clear that neither of you enjoys going out with others when you’re together. Imo no person who truly loves you would try to forbid you from doing stuff you enjoy, even if that means you must be apart sometimes, which really is okay!
Him giving you ultimatums or “threatening” to leave instead of allowing you to enjoy your time with friends is not a sign of a truly loving or understanding person imo. And yes, you did well in telling him the truth.” Sophssy
15. AITJ For Wanting To Incorporate My Culture Into Our Jewish Wedding?
“My fiancé (28) and I (27) have been together for 7 years now. We’ve always had a pretty solid relationship and agree on most things. It was discussed pretty early on that I would convert to Judaism for him. He told me he could care less if I converted but it was a big deal to his parents so I agreed. I was never very religious (atheist for 14 years) and told him I would but it would be in name only because I never really believed in it.
He said that was fine as long as the kids are raised Jewish. They are reformed so only celebrate the big holidays, are not kosher, and don’t go to temple.
So we are planning our wedding and it’s pretty much a full Jewish event. I’ve been wanting to incorporate parts of my culture in the wedding but each time I bring it up he gets upset and confused saying “but we are doing a Jewish wedding” or “that’s not Jewish”.
One thing I want to have is a handfasting ceremony. It’s a beautiful tradition in my family to unionize the couple. Another is giving the guests the option to wear a yamaka. He didn’t like this idea at all but I told him that even though I’m converted my family is not Jewish.
They shouldn’t be forced to wear one. I’m not asking his family to wear a cross or do anything Christian.
A wedding is already so stressful to plan and having to do this tightrope walk is even harder. I told him he needs to compromise a little at least because this feels very one-sided. I’ve been told by his parents that it’s disrespectful of their culture.
AITJ in this whole thing?”
Another User Comments:
“Yikes, NTJ. This is a big deal and worth putting your wedding planning on hold over. This went from ‘converting to please his parents but we won’t base our lives around it’ to ‘any semblance of my own cultural identity is unwelcome in our marriage’.
As a Jewish person, I can tell you that in all but the most orthodox circles adding multicultural elements to a wedding is JUST FINE. Making kippahs optional is JUST FINE. I have attended many beautiful Jewish weddings (including my own) that incorporated things like you’re asking for.
Your fiancé is being wildly disrespectful and you need to have a very serious conversation. Also…have you started the process of converting? I’m a little concerned that it might be more involved than you’re imagining it will be. Last thing…you need to know that there is a fair amount of old-school xenophobia in even reform Jewish communities.
People want their kids to marry Jews and it has nothing to do with their level of observance. My grandmother would happily eat bacon…unless the shiksa my dad married was around (aka my mother), in which case she was suddenly devoutly kosher. This kind of behavior is signaling an overall discomfort from your fiancé and his family that he’s marrying a non-Jew.
Tread carefully.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, there are certain traditions in Jewish weddings that have to be preserved (ketubah, chuppah, giving the ring to the bride, and seven blessings), and the rest are just customs that actually vary greatly between the different Jewish communities, never mind different cultures.
Adding other customs is not going to diminish the Jewishness of the wedding. It’s not only his or his family’s wedding, but also yours, and he should remember that.” Sunny_Hill_1
Another User Comments:
“No offense to you or anyone, but I can never understand the need to convert your religion to get married. It seems like you are not accepted the way you are, which, according to me, is not how a relationship should work.
But since it is your choice, by all means, you can go ahead. Coming to your wedding, it is your wedding as much as it is your fiance’s. So you get to have a say in it. Your wish and your thoughts must be respected in it.
It might be different if everything was already planned and just a few days before your wedding you decided to bring up your points. But if they were provided during the planning stage, I do not think you are in any way the jerk here.” lenin-sagar
14. AITJ For Not Giving My Mum Extra Spending Money For Her Holiday?
“My sister is taking our mum on holiday for a week. It’s a week after Mum’s birthday, and instead of the gift I had bought her, I gave her money. (I accepted that Mum would rather have cash than the gifts I had bought – our family has a spending limit for birthdays etc.)
Dad and brother have now given mum extra spending money, while I plan to give her and sister money for the airport. A few weeks ago Mum asked how much spending money I was giving her. Between my brother, dad, and her birthday money she has over £500.
I told her I gave her cash for her birthday, and am giving her and sister money for the airport. Mum laughed it off.
Yesterday Dad asked how much I was giving Mum and I pointed out she had just gotten birthday money and I was giving her money for the airport.
Dad pointed out I have money saved and “giving your mum spending money won’t hurt”. I repeated what I told Mum and said the money was being saved so I could pay for my 1st year of Uni (which my parents have been going on about in support), and that I have been saving money where I can and sticking to a very strict budget.
While Mum was looking at exchange rates she asked how much I was giving her. I repeated I wasn’t giving her spending money, just money for the airport. She called me a miser, money hungry, mean etc.
I don’t think I’m the jerk because she’s an adult with her own budget, and she received a lot of money recently due to her birthday.
My family thinks I’m the jerk because I have savings and could give her a few hundred.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and if you’re underage, and they have access to your account, please keep watch of your transactions. They’re not respecting your boundaries regarding how responsible you are with your money, and after how they’ve reacted, I wouldn’t put it past them to go into your account and withdraw whatever they want.
If you’re over 18, then please restrict their access to your account and possibly switch banks (without telling them). Learn this lesson now, don’t speak of your finances. People who think you’re well off and have bad intentions will try to take advantage. And the worst perpetrators of this are family.” baobab77
Another User Comments:
“Ok, when I was a child I got spending money when we went on our first holiday abroad. Butlins in Wales from Ireland. Keeping it real here but I was 10. What in whoever’s name are parents trying to guilt their children (young adults) into giving them spending money for a holiday?
Are they for real? You keep your money and use it for your future therapist bills if they continue this level of nonsense. NTJ. Here’s hoping college/Uni is far from them.” Irish_EyesDublin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t get it. What kind of relationship do you guys have that she thinks she deserves spending money?
I dunno about other people, but giving ‘spending money’ sounds like a lovers kind of thing or like a parent-to-child allowance. Next time, just don’t pay for anything of hers and just give her the equivalent in cold hard cash. You’ll spend the same amount of money and she’ll be happier, I guess (even if she would be using that money to pay for something you would have paid for).” 1ThousandLies
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Roommate To Invite His Partner's Kid Over?
“I live in an apartment with two other people, my friend Sara and a guy Sara knew from college, Phil. The three of us housemates agreed to have a rule that it’s a quiet house.
We agreed to ask before having guests over because it is a small shared space and we all have different work schedules.
It’s worked pretty well, we always ask and almost always say yes, unless the reason is something like “I need some quiet because I have an early shift tomorrow.”
But a few weeks ago, Phil brought a kid over. Without asking. I was like “uhh why is there a kid in the apartment” and he said she was his partner’s daughter. I knew she had a daughter but hadn’t met her. I asked him why he hadn’t asked about a guest, and he said “she’s 4” which really didn’t answer my question.
I said “you know we all agreed to ask about guests. This really isn’t a good time to have a kid over, I have some work to do quietly.” He said that she would be quiet and go to bed early. I went to my room to do work and she wasn’t quiet.
She even woke up at 3 am and had a tantrum.
I talked to Sara the next day, we were both angry he broke the “ask about guests first” because we would have said no if we knew he was bringing a toddler over overnight on a work day.
So we both decided to tell him he couldn’t bring her over anymore and if he was going to babysit overnight he should go to his partner’s house.
He got mad about that and said she was a kid, this wasn’t like having friends over.
We said she was still a guest, and we all agreed to only have guests if the whole household okayed it.
He got angry and said we were ganging up on him and we both got exasperated and said no we were both individually upset he ignored the house rule and made a lot of noise at night when we had work early.
He said he lives here too and the girl was about to be his daughter because he and his partner were talking about marriage. We were like “okay… But still you’re in a shared apartment, you have to ask.”
He got really mad and said we were being unfair to say she wasn’t invited and we got frustrated saying when we talked about having guests, we weren’t even thinking about having kids stay, we were okay with quiet respectful adults but if he had asked first we probably would have asked him not to anyway.
And we had a feeling there was a reason he didn’t ask.
He said that he didn’t ask because she’s a child, not like an adult we can just kick out. And he’s gonna be her father soon and half responsible for her.
I feel conflicted because Sara and I are kinda going against him 2 versus one, but honestly, we did have a house rule that it’s a quiet house and guests have to be agreed on by everyone before we invite people over.
AITJ for not wanting my roommate to invite his partner’s kid over?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He knows he’s in the wrong. So he’s trying to get pity with the “she’s my future child” spiel. I read in the comments her parents won’t let him stay the night because of religion.
Then they can watch their grandchild in their home. He cannot inconvenience two other people because of his personal choices when there are other options. Or he can rent his own apartment and not have this issue.” Terra88draco
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It sounds like Phil wants to deflect from the actual problem (violating a house rule with a loud toddler), by aiming a spotlight at and trying to guilt trip you and Sarah over “ganging up on him over a child.” It is because he knows he’s wrong, and that he’s responsible for finding somewhere else to watch this child if you two are not okay with her presence in your home.
Better to argue about a topic he can “win” than acknowledge you two have a valid point and try to win a losing battle. You are not being unreasonable, he’s choosing to take on this responsibility knowing his housing situation. Continue to enforce the boundary you all agreed to, it is Phil’s responsibility to find an alternative solution to her staying with him if it doesn’t work with you two, not yours.” 3tzamani
Another User Comments:
“What in the world is wrong with him? Take a child out of their familiar home where they have belongings and their own bed to crash in a roommate situation? That’s dumb. If he is about to be her dad, he should know better than to say “forget the familiar” and go straight to chaos.
That’s just how he messed up the “fatherhood” aspect. He truly needs a better excuse than “it’s going to be my kid” because presumably, you wouldn’t add his partner and child to your lease. You wouldn’t want him to stay. So whenever they make it official and move in together, they aren’t at yours.
Bye, dude. NTJ. He is a jerk.” wildferalfun
12. AITJ For Wanting To Visit My Dying Grandfather While My Wife Is About To Give Birth?
“My wife is really close to giving birth, and we are both super excited to welcome our baby girl into this world! However, the issue is the fact that my 92-year-old grandfather is sick and will most likely pass on in the next week or so.
He has been one of the kindest, best, and coolest people I’ve known, and he had a huge hand in raising me, so I want to fly over there in a couple of days to say goodbye and attend his funeral.
My wife feels that this isn’t as important as seeing the birth of my daughter should she go into labor while I’m gone, and while I know that the birth is extremely important, I really want to say goodbye, and this can’t wait, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your thinking is well yes I’ll miss the birth and that will be sad but it’s really not as serious of an issue. And that’s where you’re wrong, your wife is upset you’ll miss the birth but also scared and won’t have you for support.
Birth isn’t a magical mystical experience it’s a medical procedure a painful one and some of the complications include permanent disability requiring major surgery at a moment’s notice and death (a possibility for both the mother and child). Sure it could be a perfect birth and nothing could go wrong, but also a lot could go wrong and how would you feel if you weren’t there to support her in that moment.” Fainora
Another User Comments:
“Going against the grain, YTJ. I get that this is a tough spot to be in but this isn’t just about seeing your child born. This is about your wife needing support, giving birth is one of the scariest and most painful things she will ever have to go through and you should be there with her.
As her husband you are also her next of kin and if there are complications or a medical emergency then you need to be the one to make the decisions.” CrystalQueen3000
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but you need to stay with your wife.
People saying you’ll be around the rest of your daughter’s life aren’t acknowledging the very real and still dangerous medical situation your wife will be in as she gives birth. Women still die every day in countries with fully modernized/medicalized births. Perfectly healthy women who have had textbook perfect pregnancies, even textbook perfect labors…until something goes terribly wrong.
Very often, the father/partner is the individual who will need to make the split-second decisions when the doctor comes out asking who to prioritize, if an emergency hysterectomy is okay, things like that. The person who knows her best and has some idea of what she might want in an unimagined situation you never discussed because you never thought it would happen?
You need to be there, in person, for that exact scenario. You can’t risk that the call won’t come through, or your phone died, or you’re distracted. Those are split-second decisions where minutes make the difference. It really, really, REALLY sucks that the timing worked out this way, but this is pretty much the #1 job of an expectant dad/partner.
Be there for the birth. Both to support your wife and be ready to jump into action if things go wrong.” suffragette_citizen
11. AITJ For Not Inviting My Fiancé's Mean Cousin On My Girls' Trip?
“My (29f) fiancé (28m) is very close to his cousin “Ashley” (30f). They grew up in very rough circumstances (substance abuse, poverty, etc., etc.) so she’s kind of like his older sister.
I know that their relationship is important to him and I want their relationship to remain strong.
But. I honestly do not like Ashley as a person. I love her as my new family, but she is not someone I want to spend time around, for the following reasons:
- I am more of a girly girl, I love makeup, doing hair, shopping, etc. Ashley is an “I don’t get along with girls, they are too much drama” type of woman. She makes fun of my interests in front of my fiancé and their friends/family.
If there is another girl in the group, Ashley will always try to subtly (or not subtly) tear her down.
- I lost 80 lbs over the past two years, going from obese to (almost) normal weight. Ashley tries to cut me down at every opportunity, such as saying that I look more “socially acceptable” now (just say I look good, because I do?!??!!?)
- Ashley can’t take anyone clapping back at her. For instance, she said something like “People always think I’m younger than I am… if you get too gaunt like (my name), the wrinkles stand out more” and I replied, “Welp, guess I won’t be the hottest lady in the nursing home, then.” And she literally cried.
I go on a trip every year with my closest friends, and this year we got an awesome deal for Disney World (I’ve never been). Ashley loves Disney, and when I told her she started acting like she was automatically invited (talking about getting flights and time off work, etc).
I do not want her to come under any circumstances. Would I be the jerk if I made it clear she wasn’t welcome?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and be clear. “This is my friend group from college and we keep it tight that way.
This is a time for our group to reconnect and we don’t bring any other people on this annual weekend.” It sounds like it would be fraught. But here’s the thing: DON’T share information with people like Ashley. They don’t have boundaries or common sense and lack self-awareness, which is exactly what you wrote about her.
Again, just reiterate: “The girls’ weekend is just that: no husbands, no partners, no plus ones.” Then, let her have her feelings… she’ll be fine.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just POLITELY & nonchalantly tell her in front of everyone, that it doesn’t seem like she likes you or super girly things, you don’t think she’d be comfortable around you and your super girly friends.
But you hope she enjoys the trip with her friends. Maybe, if you all are in the same place at the same time you could say hi or grab a quick bite. By the way. I just went with my 7y/o. I had a blast, surprisingly I think it’s overpriced. It is, but Avatar Flight of the Banshee (or something like that) in Animal Kingdom is THE BEST RIDE EVER.
Ride at rope drop (opening) or get the genie + & obsessively check for an opening. It was fun to watch the lil one finally tall enough to ride everything and yell “this is awesome” at the end of the “big kid” rides. But he was right, it was awesome.
So totally worth it. HAVE FUN.” rtgd_mmm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of course you don’t have to invite anyone whom you are not close to on your trip especially someone who is abusive and mean to you. If your fiance is so close to her they can plan something to do together.
But you would literally be choosing to be treated badly the whole trip and who needs that? It doesn’t matter what anybody else says you know that you don’t want to be around her therefore you don’t have to. If your fiance digs his heels in on this or gives you any crap about it you may want to settle this before the wedding because he’s not respecting you or your boundaries.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Cooking Spicy Food To Stop My Freeloading BIL From Eating It?
“My BIL Tom (44) is living with us while he is going through a divorce. Tom will insert himself in dinners that I made for me and my husband. It was happening several times a week. So I started making all of our food extra spicy because Tom hates spice.
After about a month of this, Tom complained I never made anything he could eat. I told him that was the point. He needs to cook his own food. Tom got upset and insisted he’s a guest in our house and it’s rude to cook dinner for just my husband and me.
I told Tom I’m not his wife or mommy so that’s not happening. My husband agrees and said Tom can cook for himself and we are not buying or cooking his food.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s entitled to assume you’re going to cook for him on top of being kind enough to give him a place to live.
He should be grateful for the roof over his head and if anything he should offer to cook for you. He’s not a guest you wanted and invited. He’s family but he’s also a burden and you shouldn’t be forced to feed/work/pay/cook/clean after a grown man that doesn’t contribute.
It would be different if you actually invited him for his company, but you’re doing him a favor and he needs to recognize it.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – let me tell you a little “worst case scenario” story. I know a man, “Allen”, who allowed his partner to move her friend “Brian” into their house because he needed serious help.
It was supposed to be temporary. Allen’s kids lived there too, and he used to cook dinner for the entire household basically every night – he was cooking anyway, and it’s more cost-effective to cook more of what he’s making than to have other people cook their meals around him cooking his.
This seemed perfectly reasonable and was appreciated by all. Brian was supposed to be living with them so he could work on his self-sufficiency, his health, and someday get his own home. Almost a decade passed, and Brian stopped taking care of himself at all; he doesn’t cook or clean anything, rarely leaves his room, and has been “going to move out” a few times but never did.
I’m not gonna list the things Allen now does on a daily/weekly basis, but suffice it to say that I’ve never met a man who didn’t live in an assisted living facility who was more helpless than Brian. Allen has slowly but surely been forced to become an unpaid caretaker for a man who was supposed to live in their house for a short time.
And it all started with him cooking for the household. I’m not saying that this kind of thing is what will happen with your BIL, but the fact that he’s not willing to cook his own food worries me. People who are unwilling to cook for themselves for no valid reason inescapably end up creating a caretaker out of their friends/family, and eventually, they lose them.” creative_cookies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this is the same way I deal with cockroach coworkers that steal food. The audacity of this guy to try to bring ME to HR because the food he’s stealing from me is too spicy to be real food so it has to be a trick – I told HR and that guy to not worry about how spicy my food was, and then I asked when he was going to get fired for admitting he had been repeatedly stealing from me on the clock.
Nobody got fired and I quit 6 weeks later.” Moonlit_Weirdo
9. AITJ For Telling My MIL She Doesn't Own The Kitchen?
“I live with my husband and his family and my MIL has been working from home and she chose the kitchen for her office. She refused to work in either her room or living room.
She gave us many reasons, saying that the kitchen has better sunlight, airflow, easy access to the garden when she wants to unwind, etc.
We didn’t care much at that time but now she dictates everything that is happening in the kitchen during work hours.
We could hardly cook as she is bothered by the smell (she doesn’t like the spices we use) and would often come over to see and purposely make a gagging noise. We can’t use the laundry as it is quite loud and she often would be on a call so we have to wait till she finishes work.
She complains about the trash can and cat litter smelling and asks us to change them every time (a few times a day, even though the cats are hers). When the weather’s good and we want to sit in the garden, she asks us to leave as it’s bothering her to see us while she’s working.
Recently my husband has lost his patience and snapped at her, telling her to move to another room because everyone wants to use the kitchen freely. However, she argued back at us, saying that it’s her kitchen so she’s allowed to do whatever she wants.
I, forgetting to shut up, told her that she doesn’t own the kitchen and how can she when she doesn’t even pay the bills or mortgage. She went silent, huffed, and took her bags with her before leaving the house. My husband says it’s fine and ignore her, that I was just telling the truth but I feel bad, I shouldn’t have butted into their conversation.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely YTJ and you have some nerve telling your mil off in HER HOUSE…..if this post is even real you sure are naive thinking because your mil doesn’t pay rent or whatnot that it’s not her kitchen, obviously you have no concept of what marriage is and what mil and fil’s arrangements are.
If I were your mil I would throw you out on your backside for having the sheer audacity to talk back to me in my own house, she is free to work wherever she would like and inconvenience you as much as she pleases because again it’s HER HOUSE, not yours!
Smdh some people really need to not reproduce.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This situation doesn’t make sense to me. You say that you have a third ownership but that’s not actually true. You don’t own the house and have no legal claim.
Your MIL seems to be acting out through her possessiveness of the kitchen. You’re paying the bills but does she resent your presence or the necessity of sharing the house with you? Meanwhile, you should be able to cook, enjoy the backyard, and not have to clean up after your MIL’s cats.
Maybe it’s time to look for your own place.” Mermaidtoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even splitting the bills does not mean you’re entitled to dictate that no one use the kitchen while you’re working. My last roommate tried something similar. I couldn’t use the living room because she insisted on putting her desk in the common area instead of her giant bedroom.” ultrarelative
8. AITJ For Criticizing My Sister's Bedtime Routine For Her Baby?
“My (19f) sister Dee (25f) just had her baby Zepher 3 months ago. I love my nephew, he is the cutest baby. She asked me to watch him so she and her husband could have a date night. I thought it was kinda self-indulgent with a newborn at home but whatever.
She was going over his routine and she mentioned that when he goes to sleep, press play on the stereo for him.
We had a nice evening and I put him to bed and turned on their stereo…and it’s her voice. It’s her singing.
It wasn’t even nursery rhymes, just random songs. I skipped a few tracks and they were all her singing. I thought it was tacky and turned it off. He did get fussy but I did manage to get him to sleep.
Later when they got back, she asked how it went.
I told her fine until bedtime and asked what was up with the weird tape. She said they made it for him while she was pregnant so he could listen to it at night. She said she saw it on a mommy blog and thought it was a great idea and it keeps him down longer at night since he thinks his parents are in the room.
I told her that was awful and that maybe if she spent less time on date nights and more time at home, maybe he would sleep just fine. She acted offended and told me I wouldn’t understand but I responded that she was vain to think he cared so much about her singing.
She told me to get out and refused to pay me at first but her husband did but told me to leave. Our mom agrees with me and thinks she is being a diva but now she won’t let me look after my nephew anymore.
I know she’ll cave eventually if she wants another date night but it’s been 2 weeks and she isn’t returning my text. Is what I said really that harsh?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Three months is not too long to want a night out if you’ve got a ‘trusted’ person to leave the baby with.
She’s not thinking he cares about her singing; she knows that hearing a parent’s voice nearby can be soothing. She’s not singing because she thinks she’s going to win American Idol; she’s doing something that has worked for her child in the past. Not your job to judge how often she goes out.
Why is it the younger siblings who always seem to know better than actual adults how to do adult things?” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Get over yourself. No one likes a know-it-all. The baby was born 3 months ago. They just went on a date night.
Where did “maybe if she spent less time on date nights and more time at home” come from? You thought her singing was tacky? This wasn’t ABOUT you! And who cares what YOU think? It helped the baby to sleep because he was hearing the sound of his mommy.
You admit that ” He did get fussy but I did manage to get him to sleep.” You would not have had to have MANAGED to get him to sleep if you had just let him listen to the stereo. Your sister was not being a diva.
She was looking out for the best interests of her son when she is not there. “She was vain to think he cared so much about her singing?” Yes, he DOES care. He was in her womb for 9 months and began to her her voice.
What is wrong with you???!!! You insulted her. You did not follow her instructions. I hope she finds another babysitter. You are simply toxic.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Babies are preprogrammed to want to hear their mother’s and father’s voices. It doesn’t matter what you sing.
My husband used to rap Beastie Boys and I would lay down random nonsense and show tunes. There were nights we’d sing her to sleep and she’d wake right back up when we stopped. I WISH I’d thought of making a CD!
As for date nights- it is perfectly normal and even recommended for parents to go out without their kid(s) even very young babies. Especially young babies. Parenting a newborn is grueling work. Date nights where you actually get to talk to each other like adults and about literally anything other than baby stuff.
Your sister is actually being a good parent by keeping her marriage as a priority!” notquitetame3
7. AITJ For Being Upset My Partner Ate My Candy After I Specifically Told Him Not To?
“Last night my (20f) partner (20m) came over and we were watching TV and just relaxing. He wanted a snack and I have a table filled with various snacks and candies because I need to regulate my sugar levels.
I also am very specific about what snack I’m in the mood for (I have autism) so I have a lot. He knows this and will often buy me my favorites so I have them which I greatly appreciate.
I specifically told him he was free to eat everything on the table except for the mini m&ms because that was what I was specifically in the mood for today, but I told him there was a crunch bar there, which I know he likes, and he proceeded to say “no I bought that for you I’m not gonna take it”.
I told him I would be right back and that I had to grab something. When I came back into the room he was eating the mini M&M’s I specifically told him not to eat.
I got visibly upset and said ” I thought I told you not to eat those” and he immediately responded with “who paid for these again?” since he had bought them for me as well.
I understand where he’s coming from since he did buy them, but it was a bit hypocritical considering he said the opposite about the crunch bar not even 5 minutes prior. We started to argue a bit but I was tired of it so I eventually went silent and just watched the TV.
He then proceeded to get angry at me for “ignoring him” (I was not, I just wanted to focus on the show) and didn’t talk to me the rest of the night.
I’m still kind of upset with him and he’s mad and said I’m overreacting.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Although, the whole thing does seem a bit immature. But once you give someone something as a gift, it belongs to them. You don’t have the right to decide to ‘ungive’ it. Was he trying to pull your strings or something?
That he responded to “I thought I told you not to eat those” with “who paid for these again?” instead of sorry, I misheard you or something is a bit of a red flag.” Moist_Scratch5468
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I take things as they’re told to me and would’ve been so confused by ‘I bought that for you’ to ‘who bought these’ in a matter of moments.
Also, I don’t like anyone who gives ‘gifts’ or ‘kind things’ only to later hold it over me. I have ADHD and a lot of food issues, when I want a specific snack I will not stop thinking about it until I have it.
Even if it’s days later. I totally understand this and I would’ve been upset.” One_Impression9465
Another User Comments:
“Honestly I still don’t understand why using candy to “regulate your blood sugar” is a thing. This only spikes blood glucose, candy snacks are definitely gonna mess you over and physically not do great things either.
You wanna regulate your blood sugar? Eat a healthy sandwich or something with carbs. No shade on you OP but I have seen this mentioned and I don’t think it actually helps people, sugary snacks like that are a nice once-a-week kinda snack. Also, NTJ because your SO should have listened and regardless of who purchased a gift it was a gift for you so there shouldn’t be strings attached.” Chickpeasquash
6. AITJ For Rejecting The Names My Wife Chose For Our Twins Because They're From A Card Game?
“A few months ago I (25) and my wife Kaylie (22) discovered we were having twins. Obviously, we’ve been over the moon about this and already prepared nurseries, etc. for our beautiful girls, and talked a lot about names and such.
Kaylie suggested the names Bella and Sara, and even though they’re pretty common ones I do like them and it didn’t fall into the matching categories, or at least I thought that.
Today one of Kaylie’s friends Brittany came over and of course asked about the girls and I told her about the names.
Brittany burst out laughing and Kaylie looked kinda embarrassed so I asked what this was about. Brittany said that Kaylie definitely got those exact names from a horse unicorn card game they used to collect as teens called, you guessed it, Bella Sara.
After Brittany left I was honestly left in shock and told my wife under no circumstances were we naming the girls that anymore because it’s beyond cheesy and quite honestly ridiculous at this point.
Kaylie deflected me and said no one even knows about the game and that it’s fine but I refused and it turned into a huge fight. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Where do you think people find names they like in the first place?
It’s usually because you heard or read it somewhere and thought “That sounds nice”. And especially with all the different forms of media out there you’re bound to find that names you like probably have some connection somewhere too. If you genuinely liked the names beforehand that shouldn’t change.
Especially since they are so common and aren’t directly tied to that one game. It’s not like naming your kids Daenerys and Cersei. Something that would be a lot more obvious. That being said, when it comes to naming parents should be both on the same page, and if you no longer love it you should look for something else.
Or maybe compromise and keep 1 name or use it in the middle slot or whatever. But you might have to accept that you might pick out names and then later find out both names were used in a movie together or will get used in a movie together or whatever.
You can’t really control that aspect too much.” Midnight_Dreary_Mari
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. What if her friend hadn’t laughed? What if her friend had said “AWWW! That’s so cute!” Would your reaction have been different? Your wife likes them. You liked them. Think about how you’re making your wife feel over this too.
She was obviously really fond of the card game, and now I don’t doubt she feels embarrassed over that too. They’re cute names with a cute story behind them that your wife likes.” rebel_scum51915
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You liked the names until you found out they were from a game, and you ridiculed your wife because of it?
Come on, man. People name their kids for all kinds of things; if she thinks the names are pretty because she has a strong positive association with some random game that nobody else is going to even notice, why is that bad? Frankly, why would it be bad, even if people did know?
Bella and Sara are completely innocuous names. There’s nothing to be “left in shock” about, and your reaction was very hyperbolic.” Samael13
5. AITJ For Being Frustrated With My Partner's Picky Eating Habits?
“I (30F) have been seeing my partner (30M) for around 5 months now. In that time, we’ve spent a lot of extended time together (one stint in which I was caring for him after he was recovering from a health emergency).
During our time together, I have done most if not all of the preparing of meals for us and I’m starting to feel frustrated by the list of things he will not eat. He doesn’t eat eggs in any form, oatmeal, any fruit outside of apples or pears, pies, yogurt, or smoothies that are too thick and he’s not a big fan of seafood either.
He explains to me that he doesn’t like these things due to their texture – too mushy. I’ve pointed out that he eats other things that are the same texture such as mashed potatoes and certain cakes but he can’t really clearly explain to me why that is.
I’m starting to feel frustrated because I love food and I’m the complete opposite of him when it comes to eating. I love trying new recipes and restaurants and I think it’s really important to have a diverse diet for health. At times, I feel like a mom trying to feed her child and it’s starting to feel strange to me.
I want him to eat well and I want to enjoy meals together but I’m not sure how to move forward without getting more frustrated. This morning I made him a smoothie that he complained was too thick and I had a really hard time keeping it together.
We entered a discussion about his eating habits and I felt bad about my irritation with him hence why I am here.
So, am I the jerk for being frustrated with him? Should I try to be more understanding and adjust my own eating habits and expectations?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: the list of foods you mentioned doesn’t seem like it would affect you going to restaurants or making meals for yourself. Why does it matter if he doesn’t like to drink smoothies? Make one for yourself and let him eat what he wants.
You’re right about feeling like a mom because you’re trying to force him to eat things you want him to eat instead of treating him like an adult and allowing him to just eat what he wants.” ImpossibleHand5086
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say no jerks here.
I don’t think this is just about his diet from your comments. You sound like you’re putting pressure on yourself to contribute since you’re not working and you know cooking is something you do well and want to be handling that. I get it.
But you’re overthinking it. Sure it’s nice to help, but you’re not enjoying this right now, and frankly, you really don’t have to be doing it. Have stuff available for him if you like, but leave his new diet recs from the doctor to him to figure out.
He can pick up groceries if he’s there enough, but if he’s not asking for all this, then why do it? It’s a young relationship. Let it breathe and make yourself and your partner meals that make you happy. You’ll work it out.” Brilliant_Rock_5230
Another User Comments:
“I feel the liking of some things that are mushy but not others. I honestly could not tell you the x-factor that makes applesauce revolting, but mashed potatoes fine and cake fine. I don’t know, maybe it’s just when it’s wet and mushy lol.
Just a minor observation, but I honestly find it much easier to eat something that tastes bad than something that feels bad. It’s weird lol. I’m going to go no jerks here. He’s not a jerk for not liking something, especially if it causes discomfort (if I eat anything that is whatever form of mushy bothers me, I will feel really sick.
have yet to throw up, but I’ve absolutely gone a day not eating rather than eating something texturally bothersome). But I understand that it’s hard to cook for someone who has that many restrictions. Either you’re not compatible, or you’ll have to work out cooking for yourselves.
Although honestly, everything he listed doesn’t really show up all that often in meals besides shrimp. I don’t know very many people eating oatmeal or pears for dinner. This stuff seems relatively easy to avoid? And depending on the dish, seafood is sometimes easy to get around by cooking it separately from everything else, so he could still eat, say, pasta and veggies but not the shrimp, etc. I question how inconvenient not cooking most of this stuff is.” LazuliArtz
4. AITJ For Disagreeing With My Friend's Definition Of Parentification?
“I (18F) am a HS senior and I have a baby brother, “Chris” (4).
It’s just the two of us and my mom because our dad had an affair while my mom was pregnant and then left. I’m basically a second parent to Chris. It’s not like my mom neglects either of us, but she works long hours (especially after my dad left) so I try to help out where I can.
I honestly don’t mind, I love Chris and my mom is the best mom in the world and I would do anything for either of them.
My friend, “Amy,” was complaining that she couldn’t go to a party this weekend because her parents were making her babysit her sisters.
She was saying that because they weren’t paying her it was parentification (I think that’s the word, but I’m not sure) and emotional mistreatment. I got annoyed because her parents almost never ask her to babysit and babysitting your own sister like twice a year isn’t emotional mistreatment.
Also, why should she get paid? Amy’s parents literally give her an allowance and buy her whatever she wants.
She got mad at me and said just because I’m being emotionally mistreated by my mom doesn’t make it okay. I got really upset when she said that because my mom had been through a lot and does so much for me.
I would never ask my mom to pay me to watch Chris, that’s kind of crazy in my opinion. My mom is working all the time just so that we can afford my college next year. Also, I love Chris, how is helping out my family being mistreated?
Our friends are split on who was wrong. Was I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The difference between your situation and actual parentification is that nobody is forcing you to watch your brother, you choose to do so. While I do think it’s kinda sucky that Amy’s parents are forcing her to watch her siblings when she obviously doesn’t want to, it’s not the same as parentification.
They want her help for one night, they’re not forcing her to watch them every single night. She has a right to be annoyed for sure, but calling it parentification and abuse is extreme.” MrsGruusahm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you’ll probably get a lot of abuse here.
While “parentification” is real, and some siblings are forced to basically raise younger siblings, this is not the case for you, and apparently your friend. Young people tend to focus on the whole “your parents’ decision to have other kids isn’t your responsibility!” And that’s true.
But parents also generally provide a whole lot more than basic food/shelter/education that they are LEGALLY required to provide, and part of being in a FAMILY is helping each other out when NEEDED.” mybadreputation1970
Another User Comments:
“As someone that was ACTUALLY parentified as a child, babysitting once or twice a year isn’t parentification or emotional mistreatment.
At 9 years old, I was doing full care for my three toddler siblings, one of them started to call me “mom” because of how much of it I was doing. At 14 I was spending 100% of my time outside of school, caring for my 5 siblings. My summer going from 8th grade to high school, was spent with them 1000% of the time, I didn’t have a summer break, I was being a mom to them.
I’m 22 now, and the sibling that called me mom STILL calls me that and they’re turning 15 this year. I did absolutely every bit of their care while my parents went to go get intoxicated and forget we existed. THAT is parentification. Not babysitting so your loving and attentive parents can have a child-free night ONE time.
And no, op, you aren’t being emotionally mistreated or parentified. Your mother is there for you. You WANT to help with your sibling!! There is a HUGE difference between consciously choosing to help raise your younger sibling ALONGSIDE your parent because you love them and they’re a good parent, and… Being forced to take on the parent role because the parents flat out won’t.
If they’re giving an allowance, they sure as heck aren’t inattentive parents. I never got that luxury lmfao. Getting paid to hang out with your own sibling alone ONE time… Is weird. Like that’s your sibling!! Enjoy that time with them, bond with them!! You can make it fun if you remove the whole “screw my parents for this” attitude.” Zestyclose-Hour8614
3. AITJ For Yelling At Nurses Who Accused Me Of Wrongful Parking While Visiting My Sick Dad?
“My dad is in the hospital, not in good shape. The parking garage is right next to a big college. I do go to this school and I’m a M19. I assume a lot of college students might use the parking garage to park because there is no parking downtown.
I exit my car and start walking towards the hospital but I forgot halfway through about the clothes I was supposed to bring to my dad. I head back and I see two girls in scrubs writing on the back of my car with their fingers through dust on the back windshield.
They wrote, “This is not student parking, we have been watching you”. They were drawing a huge creepy smiley face. I’m super confused as to why they are touching my car and I ask them what are you doing. They begin to scold me and tell me they were calling a tow truck without even me explaining myself.
I was pretty mad and I cut her off and said something along the lines of mind your own business, my dad’s in the hospital. She does not apologize and I guess did not believe me just stood there.
She then thought I was leaving as I got into my car to grab the laundry and started guilting me that people are dying in the hospital and I’m taking up parking spots.
Keep in mind this parking garage is empty there are about 50ish spots still open lol. I grab the laundry and said I am bringing this to my dad can you shut up and if my car gets towed I’m getting you fired. They were probably around 20 and I assumed they are interning there.
One of them started crying, still did not apologize. I think they were panicked trying to call off a tow truck and I just walked away.
I just don’t know if I was a jerk because they are nurses and working in a hospital must suck and they were trying to do a good thing I guess.
I had a pretty angry tone when I said all of that and I feel a little bad now that I made her cry. Do you think my reaction was justified?”
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. They made an incorrect assumption, and you called them out on it.
They should know better. People of all ages are admitted into the hospital and those patients have visitors of all ages. Even if you are a college student, you still have the permission of the hospital to visit any friend or family member admitted to said hospital. That permission is implied from the fact that they have visitor hours and protocols for visitors.
If you scared the nurses…well then they should not have been jerks about it.” Random-widget
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would let one of your dad’s nurses know about the incident you had in the parking garage. If they’re student nurses, they have a code of conduct to follow, and what they did absolutely went against everything they would have been taught in their ethics class.
If they had an issue, they should have taken your license plate number down and passed it along to security. The fact that they still continued with “we’re calling a tow truck” and tried to guilt you with “there are people dying in there” made it even worse.
Plus, the whole “we’ve been watching you” was just creepy. They are there to learn how to be nurses and not be the parking police. If you don’t want to say anything to the nurses on your dad’s floor, maybe stop a security guard and mention it.
The really bizarre thing about the entire situation was that if they were truly watching you, they would have seen you walking into the hospital. I do wonder what kind of patient care they’re providing if they’re willing to threaten to get someone’s car towed from an almost empty parking garage and actually think they have the power to do something like that.
And don’t worry about getting mad at them. You were in visitor parking, going to go see your father, who you stated is not doing well. These two jerks decided to harass someone who wasn’t doing anything wrong and then tried to use the, “There are people dying in there!” quote.
Yeah, you are fully aware of that… That’s why you were there, to see one of those people they’re trying to guilt-trip you about. People like that shouldn’t be allowed around patients. Yes, there’s being young and dumb, but going on a power trip in scrubs when you have no power and attacking a visitor who is there to see a sick family member is just beyond stupid.” Icy_Cardiologist8444
Another User Comments:
“Darn, even as a hospital worker, I think NTJ. Also, probably not nurses. Nursing is a 4 year degree, which would have put them at 22 at, the youngest. I’ve met plenty of arrogant nurses, but I find most have enough intelligence to get into the program and thus wouldn’t be acting this dumb.
More like a Health Care aid, or licensed practical Nurse or something else similar (probably have different titles in different countries).” Iokua_CDN
2. AITJ For Refusing To Buy My Unemployed Fiancé An Expensive Gaming Laptop?
“My fiancé (m37) and I (f30) started living together 6 months ago. I own a house and he moved in with me. I run an online business from home which allows me to live rather comfortably.
A month after moving in, he quit his job saying how much he hated it and that he’s going to try and do Twitch streaming for a living. I’m all for following your passion so I was supportive although surprised at the turn of events.
I am in a financial position to support us both but it felt off.
Anyway, nothing happened with his Twitch channel. Sure, he’s gaming all day but hasn’t bothered to even try and create an account, he just games for pleasure. It’s been 7 months.
I’ve had conversations with him suggesting he finds work but he keeps telling me that I’m unsupportive and he needs time.
He wanted us to buy a bigger house together but I said that I’m fine with my current one and that since he doesn’t have a job, I don’t want to get a mortgage and be left with paying everything and he told me that if I found a real job maybe I wouldn’t have financial problems. We had a massive argument that night.
Now, he’s been hinting at needing a new gaming laptop which costs a few grand and I’ve been ignoring it so he asked outright for me to buy it for his birthday.
I told him no, that my “fake” job doesn’t cover new laptops and he got really angry at me, telling me I’m selfish and am ruining his career.
Granted, I can afford to buy it but he really hurt me saying my business is not a real job despite me working my backside off. AITJ for not buying him a new laptop?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow. So he saw you make money with your own business & decided you could be his sugar momma, while he follows his dream of being a professional gamer.
Yeah, ya know what, no. You have a real job, he has NO job & now he’s going through some early mid-life crisis trying to be some edgy famous gamer. Sorry but he sounds like he’s 19. He’ll be 40 soon. HE needs a real job, not you.” Holmes221bBSt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This has to be fake, right? Adults have to support themselves financially, OR, bring something to the table (like childcare or caregiving or homemaking) that balances them staying at home and not working. You haven’t said that he devotes time and energy to shopping, meal planning, vacuuming and dusting, doing the laundry, and making your home a comfortable and peaceful place.
If he is just sitting like a lump in front of the computer while you feed him and attend to his needs like you are his mom and he is 12, then that is a big red flag that he is never going to be the partner you deserve.
Give him the legal notice you need to give him to leave, 30 days or 60 days. Tell him this is “not working” for you anymore. You were originally attracted to a functional adult, not a needy child.” Allimack
Another User Comments:
“Oh, a lot of red flags here.
1- he quit his job one month after moving into your house without a proper agreement with you; 2- he says he’s going to try a new career online but he only plays video games for pleasure all day long; 3- he expects you to financially support him; 4- he despises your job even depending on it to live; 5 – he demands that you buy him an expensive laptop and tell that YOU are ruining his career if you don’t; 6- you’re not mentioning but he’s probably not contributing to the house expenses and maybe chores.
Well, I think there’s way more than a laptop that you should deny him. It looks like you adopted a grown-up son. NTJ, but run away from this guy.” Plane-Pop7160
1. AITJ For Refusing To Refill A Customer's Coffee After He Kept Wasting It?
“I (18F) have a weekend job at a small pub where breakfasts are available.
Yesterday morning, a man who must’ve been about 50(?) decided to get a full English breakfast and bottomless coffee.
After refilling this man’s coffee about 10 times in 20 minutes I realised something was obviously off. Turns out he was just chucking over the fence next to the seating area and just seeing how many refills we would give him.
I got quite angry and the next time he asked for a refill, I told him that we weren’t going to give him coffee.
He and his friends all got very agitated by this and asked why I was being such a mean girl. I got upset and my manager came over and told them they needed to pay and leave.
My manager and boss think I did the right thing by telling them no because they were wasting the drinks.
A few of my friends think I should’ve just refilled them because it’s my job to and it wouldn’t cost anything as I’m not paying for the coffee myself.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They weren’t just wasting drinks, they were wasting your time. Multiple unnecessary trips to the table, which I assume was not your only table.
Not to mention they probably wanted more face time with their young server. They could have apologized for their nonsense when you called them out, but instead, they resorted to calling you names. Sure, you could have sucked it up and let them play their stupid games.
But, the whole situation comes across as degrading and power-trippy to me. You aren’t their coffee wench and if they want to act like children then they can’t be shocked when they are scolded by the grown-ups in the room.” BoomBoomJacob
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s not even the wasting food that bugs me here, it’s the blatant lack of respect for you and your time. There’s something dehumanizing about tossing cup after cup of coffee just for the entertainment of watching your server refill it countless times. As if service workers don’t have it hard enough already.” Iamdecaptainnoww
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The dude was wasting coffee for no other reason than he could. If people abuse the rules at a restaurant, the restaurant can ask them to leave. Even if it’s “just coffee” that’s not right to 1. waste your time by constantly refilling a cup he’s not even drinking.
2. wasting the time/energy/money to make the coffee just to be tossed out. 3. Potentially damaging the seating area next door with all the coffee being dumped there.” The-Moocat
