People Try To Talk Through These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Not Including My Mother-In-Law In Mother's Day Celebrations?
“I (33F) recently moved back to my home country with my husband (M36) and our kids (2,5). We lived abroad for 7 years so this was my first Mother’s day back in our home country where both my mom and MIL live.
I don’t have a relationship with my in-laws mainly due to my husband and them having a complicated relationship (lots of boundary stomping on their part, especially MIL who is very controlling, he had a bad childhood due to MIL not letting him have friends or leave their home for anything other than school and many other reasons).
His wanting to get away from them was the main reason he moved to another country and he had been NC with them for 2 years at one point. Now that we live ~30 minutes apart, we see them every 3-4 months for maybe an hour and that’s about it.
My husband sometimes talks to them on the phone, but I don’t.
Now, the situation. On Mother’s Day, my husband and kids made me breakfast in bed, kids also drew me pictures. After that, my sister picked me and my mom up and we went to a spa and later a restaurant.
My kids also drew a picture for my mom (encouraged by my husband I’m sure). My mom posted said picture and some other moments from the day on social media, which she, just like many other middle-aged women, often does.
MIL saw my mom’s post on social media and called me (for the first time) angry crying, blaming me for ripping her family apart and rubbing it in her face on social media. She thinks I chose the restaurant we went to just to hurt her (it’s very close to her home and I did not choose it, my sister did).
My husband did nothing for her on Mother’s Day. Honestly, I didn’t think about her at all that day as we’re not close at all. Neither did I tell my husband to include her in his plans as he’s a grown man.
I feel really bad about her yelling at me and crying because I hate conflict. My husband told me to ignore it because it’s typical behavior from his mom. According to him, she was unable to get to him so now she’s trying to manipulate me into doing what she wants.
My sister, however, said I probably should have invited MIL to the restaurant because it’s 1min walk from her apartment so of course she’s hurt now. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you didn’t pick the restaurant, you didn’t know how close to your MIL it was, AND it is the responsibility of your husband to take care of Mother’s Day for his mother.
“My sister, however, said I probably should have invited MIL to the restaurant because it’s 1min walk from her apartment so of course she’s hurt now.” Sis means well, but she needs to butt out. ” My husband told me to ignore it because it’s typical behavior from his mom.
According to him, she was unable to get to him so now she’s trying to manipulate me into doing what she wants. ” Follow hubs lead – he knows his mother far better than you.” Comfortable-Sea-2454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Continue to take your husband’s lead when it comes to his mom. It’s his responsibility to plan something for her or to ask you for help, but in no way is it your responsibility to lead the effort.
He very well could have visited with his mom and the kids to celebrate while you were out with your family, and he chose not to. You might want to let MIL know that she’s welcome to discuss it with him, but you will not be talking to her about it.
Block her number and social media if you have to. She’s trying to get at you when he grey rocks her.” carr1e
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like she’s trying to make the same relationship with you as she had with your husband.
You’re going to have to grey rock the crap out of her. NTJ, they weren’t even your plans, you don’t have to invite someone to crash someone else’s plans.” bentscissors
20. AITJ For Not Allowing My Neighbor's Kid To Join My Son's Play Dates Uninvited?
“Our oldest child is at that age where he prefers to have his friends come over to our house for play dates.
My wife and I don’t mind as we enjoy seeing the kids have fun and we can keep an eye on them in our home. For one particular friend, whenever he’s invited over, he automatically brings his younger sibling along without us being forewarned. This isn’t an issue for us as both kids are both kind and respectful.
The problem is that when our neighbor’s kid can hear the younger sibling in our backyard, she automatically runs over to our front door asking if she can join too. The first few times it happened, we were fine with it as long as she got permission from her parents.
However, it’s gotten to the point now where any time our oldest has any friend or relative over, our neighbor’s kid comes running over expecting to join in.
Our son told us she only comes over because she likes the snacks we provide and the toys that the kids play with.
He says they’re not even friends and he doesn’t like that she keeps interrupting the time he wants to spend with his actual friends and cousins. We’ve spoken to the neighbors politely about boundaries, but they seem not to care as their kid keeps coming over.
The last play date we hosted, as usual, the neighbor’s kid came over and I answered the door and gently told her, I’m sorry but you can’t come over today. Ask your parents to see if friend’s parents can have a separate play date for another day okay?
She answered okay despondently and went back home. We got a call from her mom later asking why we couldn’t just include her daughter and if we were happy about breaking her child’s heart. My wife replied that we had spoken to them about this situation before and it wasn’t reasonable to expect us to watch their kid whenever she felt like coming over.
Her mom replied that her daughter had a hard enough time making friends and it was cruel to exclude her from joining in other kids’ fun. My wife just replied, I’m trying to be sympathetic to your daughter because she’s a sweet girl, but you’re not entitled to our home or our time, neighbor or no neighbor.
Please respect that. Then she told her she was going to hang up because we were expecting the other parents to show up to pick up their kid. Are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re the host, so it’s your call.
I was always taught that you could only come to someone’s house if they invited you. Side note: You don’t even have to host the sibling, because you didn’t agree to. When I was a child, my little sister never came along on my playdates.
She stayed home with a sitter. (Unless it was “drop and go”. Then she was at the door, in my mother’s arms, for less than 40 seconds.)” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!! She has had you watching, feeding and entertaining her kid without so much as asking if it’s OK.
Once you tried to discuss it with her she ignored you. Now that you summoned up the nerve to actually say no she is on the attack. Too bad! She’s responsible for her kid’s play dates, she has no business sending her child to your house uninvited. I had a neighbor tell me I wasn’t very “neighborly” because I wouldn’t allow her 14-year-old to play with my 6 year old.
You’re the mom, you decide who gets to play in your house.” uTop-Artichoke5020
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like a case of Entitled Parents raising a potentially Entitled Kid. A good sign is that the kid was willing to accept the “No” but who knows if the entitlement of her parents will rub off more on her until she doesn’t.
Both the parents and their daughter need to accept that boundaries are a thing and they’re not entitled to have their way all the time, and maybe their unwillingness to acknowledge such things might be part of the reason their kid doesn’t have any friends.
I can understand your son’s mild frustration. Speaking as a middle kid, I experienced being both the victim and the perpetrator of having/being a younger tag-along kid when my brother/I had friends over and just wanting to hang out with said friends.
NTJ for being willing to put your foot down and let your kid keep their boundaries.” SirSilverscreen
19. AITJ For Not Allowing My Ex's Estranged Father To Visit Her In The Hospital?
“I (28M) have a 5-year-old with my ex-partner Emma (24F). We split after two years together and regrettably weren’t on speaking terms until recently.
Emma was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago and we started speaking again for the sake of our son.
We also got closer and I would consider us to be friends now.
I take her for her chemo appointments and she’s given me some very strict instructions on what I’m supposed to do for her in case she’s unable to make decisions for herself.
One of these decisions is to not let her father into her hospital room unless she explicitly states I can or it’s an emergency. They have a very strained relationship due to him ignoring her for years after her parents split.
He also refused to meet our son for 2 years because Emma and I weren’t married.
Unfortunately, she was admitted to the hospital two days ago after an episode with her heart. I informed her family of it (she asked me to in advance).
I told her mother and somehow the news got back to her father.
A few relatives came to visit and when they left, a nurse informed us that her father was here. At that point, Emma was sleeping and I told the nurse the situation and she told Emma’s father that visiting hours were over.
Unfortunately, he found the real visiting hours online and demanded to be let in. I went out to try and mediate but the situation ended with him being removed by security.
Emma has been very weak since then so I haven’t worried her by telling her about what’s happening since she needs all her energy to feel better.
However, a lot of her paternal family are berating me and Emma’s brother said I was the jerk since Emma wouldn’t have even known their father was there since she was asleep. He said that since Emma and her father’s relationship is bad, he’s afraid of her passing away (thankfully she is nowhere near that sick) without them making amends and I should have let him at least see his daughter since they haven’t seen each other in years.
I’m starting to feel bad about this situation but I know that Emma explicitly told me not to let him in. Since the incident, he has been barred from the hospital. My friends are saying that letting him come and see her for a few minutes while she was asleep would have not harm.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but she needs to put it in writing and/ or communicate her wishes directly with her own family rather than making you the bad guy. Also, you aren’t going to be there 100% of the time.
It’s not possible or right for you to be the go-between and it’s not fair to her medical staff either if she hasn’t made it official and clear.” RhiannonNana
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As others have said, she needs to sign a legal document giving you authority to make certain decisions for her.
Or she needs to notify the hospital in writing that her father isn’t allowed to visit. As her ex, you have no authority to make any legal/medical decisions for her without a legal document. If she is unable to make her wishes known, then you could be out in the cold and her blood relatives (including her father) would be who the hospital turns to.” SSN-683
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Can you imagine how it would feel if you knew that a person you haven’t seen in years and you have a strained relationship with, is watching you sleep? She asked you not to let her father see you.
You respected that wish. It wasn’t the end, she didn’t ask to see her father. You did for her, what she asked you. This is what a friend should do. As well as looking out for the mother of your child.” Trevena_Ice
18. AITJ For Feeling Unappreciated And Overlooked When Hosting My Husband's Family?
“My husband’s brother announced a month ago he was coming to visit with one of his kids and not his wife.
No explanation. We’re happy to host and get tickets and plans for various activities. I like playing hostess but it always seems to go sideways when it’s his family. There’s a common thread with his dad and brothers where I’m treated like something between a child and a maid.
I have to sit in the back seat, no switching. I’m not consulted on plans, the men walk and I’m expected to follow. If I ask questions my husband gets annoyed. He is the youngest in his family so my theory is he is conditioned to bend over backwards for them.
They put golf and old football on the TV. If I talk about something un-sports related, his brother will just interrupt or talk over me or change the subject. If I try to share something interesting about our city or state, he one-ups me with something equal or better about his city or state.
After a whole day of it, I feel pretty unappreciated and overlooked. But I’m hosting.
His wife indicated to me they’re having an issue with one of the kid’s behavior but wasn’t specific when we texted a week back.
She always talked about wanting to visit and now it’s just him. I asked him about it (casually) and he said she had to work. Well, that’s an obvious lie and I’m angry to be lied to.
But I understand if things are rough I’m not exactly entitled to the nitty gritty.
She Amazon’s some gifts. This is where I’m the jerk. I hate getting stupid little things of clutter that are generic and not useful.
My mom and sister give tacky gifts so I have a lot of experience opening things and being confused as to why it’s being given to me. These gifts had little “you are awesome” sayings on them.
It feels like a manipulative love bombing.
So I’m annoyed I’m relegated to the bedroom less I want to watch old NFL playoffs (very loudly) and talk about stats. I’m considering not joining the next leg of the journey, a luxury historical hotel we booked for a night.
My husband thinks I’m being difficult. He has always been the type to brush me aside when someone more fun (in this case family he sees every year or two) is around. I’m hurt, but also realize I may be being less flexible and easygoing than is preferred. This happens every time anyone from his family visits.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop hosting these men. If they want food and drinks while they watch football and chat, they can pick up some wings and beer. You are not the cook, maid, or babysitter. Make plans of your own.
Go get a pedicure, plan a day date with friends and your kids, or plan a girl’s night… and firmly tell your husband that the men should enjoy themselves doing what they want to do, and you will do the same.
It’s fair to take the stance that you’ll catch up with them when you’re participating in an activity that is fun for the whole group and that you can be included in. Also, go to the historic hotel.
Shine up your spine and stop worrying so much about his family’s opinion of you. Do what makes you happy and participate in the activities they’re doing that you enjoy. If BIL treats you like a non-entity, come up with some phrases to push back.
“That’s an unkind thing to say.” Stare at him. “We’re not going to discuss inappropriate topics in front of the children.” Stare at him, don’t back down. “If we’re going to do an activity, I’d like to be able to fully participate.
You’ll need to make your plans for food and other logistics.” MsOrchideous
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – generally parents don’t broadcast they have parenting troubles and an absent parent/child is easier to explain if it’s work and not our child is a troublemaker we don’t want to travel with.
It’s the kindest lie someone could tell in an awkward situation. Let that go. Next time this family comes encourage your husband to plan what he wants to do with his family and make yourself scarce. Encourage him to have bonding on one time with his family.
Go to the hotel and enjoy the amenities to relax and self-care, join them for dinner, and then peace out for more self-care. Enjoy limited time with your husband’s family and then you have a nice “night” in a hotel with your partner while you enjoy solo time.
The gifts – just be nice and say thank you. SIL meant well. Keep her as an ally because however they treat you it’s likely the same as they treat her.” CosmosLaundromat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you need to stop playing hostess.
Talk to your husband and tell him they are his family and since they don’t you he is in charge of meals, tours, and things to do. You will no longer be helping him out when no one respects you.
Then FOLLOW through! What will happen if he gets mad that you don’t want to be treated like a maid or child when his family is around? He yells and tells you you’re overreacting and too sensitive. Ok.
When his family comes to visit, just leave and go to that boutique hotel by yourself. Will your husband get mad? Ask him if he would rather you start complaining about his family to his family. Or just divorce him and not worry about in-laws.” Effective_Brief8295
17. AITJ For Wearing A Two-Piece Bikini After Losing Weight?
“I 40F have always been on the heavier side my entire life. Over the past year, I’ve gotten a personal trainer and have been going to the gym 5 days a week. I’ve lost over 50 pounds this past year and I’m very proud of my transformation.
I’m in the best shape that I’ve ever been in.
So my three best friends and I rented a house on the lake for the week of the 4th of July week, which we arrived on Monday.
None of us live in the same state. So it’s a nice excuse for us to all get together with our families. (Husbands and children). So before this week, I had gone shopping for new bathing suits and I bought my first ever two-piece bikini.
I had never had the self-confidence to wear a two-piece. So my three friends are also on the heavy side.
Anyways, so we arrived at the lake on Monday and we all got moved in for the week.
The house has a pool and we all rented a boat for tubing and a couple of jet skis. So Monday everything was normal and we spent the day outside in the pool, in the lake and on the boat and jet skis.
Everything seemed normal. Yesterday was more of the same with no issues, until last night after dinner. My friends and I were sitting on the porch talking. When one of my friends commented, “You need to tone it down”.
At first, I didn’t know what they were talking about, so I made a funny comment about nothing. That’s when all three of them lit into me. They said that I needed to cover up and that I was making their husbands feel uncomfortable.
I finally realized that they meant my two-piece. I asked what was wrong with them. And they proceeded to say “No one wants to stare at your backside and chest!” I was so caught off guard by this that I got defensive.
Before long we were in a full-blown argument. They were saying “Stop acting like a loose woman” and I replied by telling them they were just jealous because they were wearing one piece. After that, I was so hurt that I stormed off to cry in my room.
I couldn’t even tell my husband the reason I was so upset. I spent the rest of the night in my room. Now this morning, I’m the first one awake, and I’m wearing another two-piece.
AITJ or are my friends just so insecure?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sounds like they are jealous that you put in the work to lose weight (congrats btw) and their husbands are boys if they “feel uncomfortable” What’s the difference between going to the beach and seeing women walking around in two pieces or whatever else?
We go to the beach to have fun, who cares what people are wearing or sometimes not wearing? Unless you are actively trying to flaunt and flirt with the husbands and show off. Then I’d say they are insecure and projecting their insecurities onto you.
You didn’t do anything wrong and it’s not up to them to say what you can and can’t wear. You’re there to have fun, spend time together, and relax.” deathinliving
Another User Comments:
“First off, congratulations on your incredible achievement!
Losing 50 pounds and gaining the confidence to wear a two-piece for the first time is a huge milestone. You should be incredibly proud of yourself, not just for the physical transformation, but for the hard work and dedication it took to get there.
It’s really disappointing that your friends reacted the way they did. It sounds like their comments stem more from their own insecurities than anything you’ve done wrong. When people feel uncomfortable with themselves, they can project those feelings onto others, and unfortunately, that’s what it seems like your friends are doing.
You have every right to feel confident and enjoy your time at the lake without feeling judged. Their comments about making their husbands uncomfortable seem more about their own fears than any real issue. You’re not responsible for their insecurities or for how they feel about their own bodies.
You’re not a jerk for standing your ground and wearing what makes you feel good. It’s sad that your friends couldn’t be more supportive, but don’t let their negativity take away from your well-deserved pride and happiness.
You’ve earned this confidence—don’t let anyone take it away from you.” User
16. AITJ For Being Upset That My Fiancé Wants Me To Work To Support His Irresponsible Mother?
“So my fiancé since the start of the relationship has always said that he’d like me to be a stay-at-home mom to raise our children when we have them, so I would need to stop working and put my career on pause.
We plan to have 2 children so that would put me out of work for at least 6 years until the children go to school.
I work in tech so the industry advances very fast I worry about my ability to get back into the job market because I don’t want to ideally sacrifice my career because I’ve put a lot of time and hard work into it to get to where I am today.
However, with childcare costs, it works out financially better for me to stay home whilst the children aren’t in school.
The problem comes when my fiancé had a chat with his mom yesterday, it’s come to the point where his mom needs financial support every month, which puts strain on us with our mortgage payments.
Both he and his family have told me how bad she is with funds, she never has enough because she likes nice things, so I feel resentful
So he had a chat with me today with totally different opinions doing a 180 and saying that I will have to go back to work because he needs to support his mom and it’d be too much pressure on him with all these responsibilities.
So I’ve felt really sad and feel like the whole time this idea and plan we have made for ourselves has suddenly gone out the window and feel like he is prioritizing his mom over me because I have to go back to work earlier for us to be able to pay for her.
I need advice because me and my fiancé had a fight and I’m feeling upset about feeling like I’m being put second. Staying home with my children isn’t an option now.
He says this is not the case and isn’t what he’s doing but he also says him supporting his mom won’t affect us, but this is a direct effect.
So now I don’t feel safe leaving my career because I know it’ll be really hard to get back into with how fast the industry advances.”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, your fiance took the decision out of your hands about being a SAHM.
You were worried about leaving your job in the tech industry because things do change quickly. However, by saying that you both need to work so he can support his mother, he is saying that even if you had wanted to be a SAHM, that is no longer possible, because both incomes are required to support his mother.
You lose either way. If you become a SAHM, you risk being left behind in your career field, which changes rapidly. If you choose to keep working, you are stuck supporting his mother, who refuses to learn how to budget.
Neither of those two options sounds appealing, and both are going to lead to resentment down the road. I would strongly consider if this is someone you want to have children with because he seems to want to put the needs of himself and his mother before you… Will that same pattern continue when you have children?” Icy_Cardiologist8444
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He decided you should stay home and raise the kids (despite the detriment to your career and future earning potential). He decided you now need to go back to work because he can’t afford the family the two of you would build AND support his mother.
Now he’s lying saying supporting his mom won’t impact you but it definitely will. That or his next unilateral decision will be his mom will move in with you AND she can take care of these future children while you go back to work!
Time for marriage counseling. Either he needs to learn how to communicate and make decisions with you, his partner, or you need to cut him loose. He’s talking to, and listening to, mommy more than you.” share the wine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, But if you marry this man, you will NEVER come first! Why should you subsidize his irresponsible mother?? Is not that she needs help, she just enjoys blowing his funds! (Which will eventually be YOUR funds) This relationship is a red flag city, you are not his priority and never will be.
Get out now, find someone who values you first.” Bake_and_Shark
15. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Move In With Me?
“My sister has been a best friend of mine since we were kids. We were the total attached to the hip package.
You couldn’t find us in a room not playing around and getting into mischief.
My older brother and I turned out to be the successful ones (as of now), whereas my sister always struggled and would take 2 steps forward and 1 back.
About 2 years ago, she was in a super abusive and toxic relationship. I offered to let her move in with me in a different state to launch her into a better situation. She agreed and moved in for a year.
Around that time, she met a girl and they started seeing each other. It has been a great relationship, the first stable one, but my sister has fallen into some poor habits.
I travel a lot for work, maybe 2 weeks out of every month, so I never could tell my sister was developing a drinking habit.
I’d see a lot of cans, but when you’re gone for 2 weeks you can’t assume it was a nightly thing. Anyway, she moved out and for 7-8 months it seemed like she and her partner were the real deal. About 2 months ago, her partner started telling me about their issues, and it revolved around my sister’s drinking.
It started small, but it has snowballed into hiding it, bingeing, tantrums when caught, and the full 9 yards. Her partner finally had enough and asked her to leave the house.
She asked me if she could move into my new home, and while I love my sister, I have far too often taken the savior role and am in therapy trying to be better about not taking on others’ burdens.
I told her no, not because I didn’t love her, but because she needed to learn to save herself and pull herself up.
She freaked out. Said I was being a terrible brother and that I didn’t care about her at all and wanted her to get worse.
That I was taking revenge on her for when she abandoned me (long story, rough childhood and she dipped at the lowest point) and that I thought I was better than her.
I don’t, at all, but I know if I let her in it won’t get better, and my life will become going behind and trying to catch her and help her.
It’s not my place to do it, and I think she needs to move home and seek out inpatient facilities.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“As the saying goes, you can’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
You and your sister have been through a lot of traumatic events – I am glad to read you are taking care of yourself – I hope your sister can do the same. NTJ” EffPop
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t say so, but I bet that this was a hard decision for you to make, given how close you were. NTJ. You are seeing what the future could be if you give her this soft spot to land.
It sounds like what she needs is a hard landing and some rehab. I hope you will have it in your heart to continue to love and support her.” InedibleCalamari42
Another User Comments:
“You’re in an incredibly tough position, and I can really feel how much you care about your sister.
It’s clear that you’ve gone above and beyond to support her, offering her a lifeline when she needed it most. It must be heartbreaking to see her struggling again, especially after everything she’s been through.
Saying no to her now isn’t a sign of a lack of love; it’s recognizing that you can’t save someone who isn’t ready to save themselves. You’ve been in the role of caretaker and protector for so long, but you’re also right to focus on your own well-being.
It’s not easy to set boundaries with someone you love, but sometimes it’s necessary for both your sake and theirs. Her reaction, as painful as it is, likely stems from her own pain and fear, not from any true belief that you don’t care.
She needs help, but not the kind you can provide by just offering a place to stay. Encouraging her to seek professional support might be the most loving thing you can do. You’re not a terrible brother for wanting to protect yourself.
You’re making a hard, but necessary, choice to ensure both of you can heal.” User
14. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Friend Over The Care Of My Service Dog?
“Before I begin I love my friends and they are great people, they just make mistakes sometimes. Please go easy on them!
I have a mastiff pup who is training to be my service dog. Recently I’ve had some issues with my friend over his care.
Due to the nature of my disabilities, they offered to help with his care when I was struggling and I agreed however they have overstepped boundaries multiple times.
Strike one:
They offered to toilet him for me one morning when I was half asleep and I agreed. They took him into the kitchen and let their reactive dog near him. The dog is very sweet with people he knows but highly reactive with other dogs and resource guards people and food.
My pup was 10 weeks old and to add neither dog got their shots. Since then I caught the dog growling outside my pup’s crate with hackles and tail up. There was a door from the room I was in that led outside so they had no reason to take him to the kitchen.
They said they forgot that door was there yet they’ve lived in that house for over 10 years.
Strike two:
They love grooming dogs and have the proper tools and skills to do so. They offered to bathe my pup so I said yes.
They left him outside soaking wet which I discovered when I went out for a smoke. He was very cold and took me using blankets and a dryer to get him warm again.
Strike three:
We both feed raw to our dogs, it costs less if I give them money and we bulk buy.
I gave them the equivalent of $150 to buy my dog’s food with and they bought their dog’s food but spent all my money saying that a girl they are friends with needed it. This girl has been pretty nasty in the past including hurting me and my older SD and stealing from me.
I can’t afford to buy more of that food so my dog is on kibble that his stomach doesn’t like.
I have restated boundaries each time but they don’t listen so now I am refusing to let them toilet, train, or walk my dog and they are not allowed with him unsupervised. I will also no longer give them any money as they have broken my trust.
I have PTSD due to people hurting me and my animals so are these boundaries me being overly emotional or are they fair?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. NTJ for not wanting your friend near your service dog.
Your friend was bad & gave very little care to the poor pup. Letting their dog-reactive dog be around them, leaving your dog soaking wet in the cold. Definitely jerk behavior. But YTJ too. Strike one should have been enough.
Your pup could have been attacked & it could have become reactive as a result, eliminating any chance of him becoming a service dog. & the events that took place after that confirm my feeling that YTJ because strike one was a clear sign that they didn’t care about your dog.
NTJ + YTJ = Everyone’s a jerk here. Keep that friend away from your dog before she severely messes him up.” mydogislife_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- These are completely fair boundaries. You may want to either go low contact or no contact with this friend, depending on how she reacted to this news.
Also, your friend stole money from you that was meant for your dog, for a girl that hurt and stole from you in the past. I’d be very wary of her.” EdelwoodEverly
Another User Comments:
“If you don’t want them helping you then you need to step up a bit it seems. Also, this doesn’t sound at all like a standard service dog training situation.
Doesn’t feeding raw disqualify a dog for any legitimate therapy or service program? And allowing them to live/be around a reactive dog during the earliest stages? This doesn’t add up. Sorry.” hexgirl77
13. AITJ For Wanting To Live My Own Life While Still Trying To Care For My Disabled Mother?
“I am 21 and now reside in his apartment with my partner, who is 21.
We’ve been together almost two years now(2 years this September). I have my job and car, I do still have bills but for the most part, they are all covered by him. Except sometimes groceries.
I’ve made a post similar to this subject a while back and it’s still eating at me.
My mother is disabled, she has lupus so her getting around and doing things is not as easy as before she was diagnosed. I have a brother who still lives at home(he is 19, and will be 20 this year).
Yesterday, I went out to Nashville with my partner and his parents to see his cousin, who is in the hospital, for his 21st bday. On my way back, I called my brother since my mom wasn’t picking up, told him where I was and that I just wanted to check on everyone/explained where I was the whole day, the phone was given to her, and I heard my brother tell her where I was…and she gets mad at me, going on a whole rant, telling me that I need to start telling her where I’m going, how it feels like I’m just wanting to not tell her where I am???…and how I keep choosing his family over my own(keep in mind we barely see his family even more than once a week).
She gets frustrated at me because I don’t hang out with my brother often(he doesn’t have too many friends), and she also goes on about how I never go up there to see her especially since we live in the same city….but I try to see her at least once every week.
I’m busy and I work from Mon-Fri 8-4:30 and I’m still trying to maintain my social life with the very few friends that I do have, (hung out this weekend for the first time in years). I just feel like I get blamed for this a lot, and that I still don’t have my autonomy.
I help them with bills whenever I can, I go up there whenever I can.
I don’t want to say I’ve been gaslit because I feel like part of it does come from a place of care, but also I feel like I’m being painted as the bad guy and this happens often.
I just want to have my own life and I want to destress and hang with my friends while I’m still young and able to do so. It’s making me feel selfish and I just need to know if I am…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is upset that you aren’t around as often as she’d like, Expedia since daughters are supposed to care for their mothers. That’s not your responsibility. Your life is yours, and you’re an adult.
You don’t even live at home.” WiseBad1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ once a week is a lot of visits with family for a busy 21-year-old. Your mom misses you and probably worries she won’t be able to see you once a week forever.
Make sure that your visits are meaningful (not 5-minute stop-ins because you have to or coming by to borrow things or ask for something, but actual visits), and don’t worry too much about the rest. Also, you can still hang out with friends when you’re older too .” User
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you’re in a really tough situation, trying to balance your own life, relationship, and responsibilities while still being there for your family. At 21, you’re in a stage where you’re figuring out your independence, and it’s natural to want to have your own life and spend time with your partner and friends.
It’s clear that you care deeply about your family, especially given that you still visit regularly, help with bills, and check in on them. Your mom’s reaction seems to come from a place of concern and maybe even fear of losing the close bond you’ve shared. Her health condition likely adds to her feeling vulnerable, which might explain why she’s being more demanding of your time.
However, that doesn’t mean you’re wrong for wanting some autonomy. It’s not selfish to have your own life, especially when you’re still making an effort to stay connected with your family. It’s important to set boundaries and communicate with your mom about your need for independence while reassuring her that you still care.
You’re not the bad guy for wanting to live your life and maintain your relationships. You’re doing your best, and that’s all anyone can ask for.” User
12. AITJ For Defending My Co-Parenting Decision Against My Partner's Sister's Criticism?
“I got pregnant (birth control failure) young. I kept the baby, but me and my then-partner “Leo” broke up over it. We’ve worked things out and remain good friends and co-parents to our daughter, “Maya”, who is turning 5 next month.
I have been seeing my partner “Matt” for just over a year. He has only recently met Maya.
Leo and I are throwing Maya a birthday party, and Matt will not be attending. Apart from the fact that Leo’s family will be there, I don’t think it’s appropriate as Matt doesn’t have a place in Maya’s life at this stage, not to mention this party is to celebrate her, not to try and introduce Matt to various family members and mutual friends on mine and Leo’s.
The whole thing would be unnecessarily tense on top of trying to manage small children running around. Matt said he was hurt initially but accepted my decision.
But apparently, he talked to his sister “Whitney” about it, and she has opinions.
We were at a dinner party at her house a couple of days ago and she mentioned how she thought it was weird that I was hosting Maya’s party with Leo, especially since I didn’t want Matt there.
She went on about how we didn’t have “boundaries” and that her partner wouldn’t be cool with her and her ex acting like a unit in front of family, friends, and their kids. This got on my last nerve because seriously, I don’t really know this woman and here she is with opinions that no one asked for.
So I just said “Well I don’t think you have the option of even being in the same room as your ex considering you had a screaming match in front of all the parents and teachers at a school event.
Your children are probably still mortified and wouldn’t want the two of you to attempt civility even if you were able to. Your situation is not similar or preferable to mine, and I’m not likely to want your advice”.
Things were pretty awkward after that.
Matt is angry I insulted his sister because she is extremely touchy about the incident with her ex. He said she was just trying to help and offer a different perspective. I’m saying maybe she should wait until she’s asked unless she wants to be confronted with the fact that she’s talking very loudly in her glass house.
Matt thinks I need to apologize, and that I took it too far. Did I?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think so. I think you stood up for yourself and if she can’t take it, don’t dish it.
It sounds like you’re prioritizing your daughter, which is exactly what you should do. Incidentally, I agree with you on this birthday party with Matt only recently meeting your daughter. NTJ” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The sister sounds like a very negative person who’s trying to put bad thoughts in Matt’s head.
I truly believe keeping Matt out of the party is just your way of protecting your daughter. These are healthy boundaries and especially considering that the sister is a mother you’d think she would be able to understand that.
I can see why Matt may feel left out, but you’re doing what’s best for your daughter and that’s all that matters. Telling the sister off is only fair considering she wanted to be all up in your business, you were just giving her a taste of her own medicine.” Ornery-Reputation333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He involved his sister in something that was not her business. She shared her unasked for opinions and you weighed in on her situation. She should’ve minded her business. You’re co-parenting in a healthy manner which is good for your daughter.
Matt involved his sister to get his way. He’s shady.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Encouraging My Best Friend To Rethink His Wedding?
“I (27M) am the best man in my (27M, “Matt”) best friend’s wedding.
His fiancé (25F “Hannah”) doesn’t like me much, regardless of this I’ve always been polite to her because she’s still my best friend’s future wife.
Last night we had his bachelor party. Instead of doing anything big we just decided to hang out with just the two of us (Matt wanted a small wedding, Hannah didn’t so they decided on a bigger wedding and Hannah practically picked the rest of Matt’s groomsmen) at my apartment drinking, watching movies, and having a good time.
Matt mentioned to me how he was feeling a bit hesitant about actually marrying Hannah. I asked him why and he said it was because he felt she pressured him into it. I didn’t know this but apparently, she’s turned into quite the bridezilla and it’s stressing Matt out.
According to Hannah, it’s “her day” not “their day.”
Matt mentioned how Hannah was trying to convince him to drop me from the wedding entirely in favor of her MOH’s partner. Matt showed me a conversation they had over text where she said “I don’t think MOH would feel comfortable being paired up with him because he’s gay”
This upset me, I’ve been out as gay since I was in my early teens, and my parents didn’t take it well so I ended up moving into Matt’s house and staying with him and his family until I could get on my feet which I will never be able to thank them enough for.
We talked about this and me and Matt concluded that she doesn’t like me because I’m gay and she thinks I’m “too close” to Matt.
I asked Matt why he was even marrying her if he was so stressed out and upset with her about this, Matt said he didn’t know and that because it was so close he would probably just go along with it.
I told him no and that he needed to have a serious conversation with Hannah about this and then make a choice from there. He said he’d talk to her about it and I left it at that.
I drove Matt home this morning and he promised me he’d talk to Hannah and I left. I don’t want Matt to end up in a marriage where he’s not happy, seeing him this stressed before the wedding has even happened is making me worried. I understand this isn’t my wedding and it’s Matt’s decision to make not mine but I don’t think he should marry her anymore.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The people saying that it’s none of your business must not have close friendships. That’s one of the things that friends are for I think. To tell you the hard truths no one else will or can.
I think you should try another time or two to let him know that it’s never too late. Maybe tell him that even though it will be a big drama bomb if he leaves at this stage, it will eventually just be a memory & he will be happier in the end.
But once he doesn’t seem to be listening or gets defensive, you have to back off. It’s so bad to watch friends be in bad relationships (been there), but once you say your peace, you’ve done all you can.
At the end of the day, it is his life & he will have to learn his lessons his way. But I do not think it’s wrong to say what you think at all. Good luck! (And sorry you’re still dealing with homophobia in this day & age.
Seriously? People are insufferable.)” DrJones1993
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Hannah sounds a lot like my cousin’s ex. He was not happy in the relationship and I clearly remember him becoming completely disinterested in wedding planning when asked he said “We’ll probably be divorced within 5 years so why should I care?” He didn’t want to deal with the drama and conflict of breaking it off (and oh boy there was so much drama) but ultimately he’s happier now than he was with her.
But if no one had asked him or said blowing thousands of £ on a wedding just to avoid the drama seemed like a bad idea he could have married her and been miserable. A wedding and marriage should be about both people.” Perfect_Calendar9847
10. AITJ For Cancelling My Mother's Visit After She Charged Me For Her Expenses?
“My mother (65) came to visit me (39f), her daughter, after I called her to share the news I received some troubling news about my health (I’m on the mend, worst is behind me).
She lives approximately 2 hours away from me.
During the visit she signaled she planned to charge me for parking fees at the clinic she brought me to, among a couple of other expenses that she incurred helping me out that day. I was fine with that.
She’s not exactly swimming in it after retiring, though has some discretionary income, and, well, I’m a grown-up. I would have taken care of the parking fees (and other expenses) myself at the time if I wasn’t incapacitated. So fine and expected.
Where I stopped being fine was when she called me after the visit asking for a lot more funds than I’d expected. After probing a bit, I discovered that she’d lumped in there an estimate of how much she’d spent on gas to come to visit me and not just the pasta salad she bought for me at lunch (totally fine) but also the pasta salad she bought herself.
I’m happy to treat her for lunch and often do—treated her for dinner that very night—but I found it odd she would just go ahead and add her lunch to the bill. I hadn’t offered and aren’t I the sick one?
It was only 20 bucks altogether.
But the reason I canceled her visit tomorrow to come over and help some more was that I couldn’t believe she’d pass on her gas expenses to her sick adult child to visit her.
When she said she was coming to visit after learning of my condition, she omitted the part of her plan where she’d charge me for her gas to get here. Sure, she complained about the cost of gas when she arrived, but never did she share her plan to make me cover it.
She’s never done anything like this before. It’s not the funds. It’s the principle. And I had no intention of paying for her to visit me tomorrow, too. I plan on sharing with her my feelings about all of this once I’ve given some thought to how I’ll navigate it with her.
I would feel so ashamed as a parent if roles were reversed. This whole thing makes me question why I haven’t billed her when I’ve gone to visit her after falling ill. Of course, I could never bring myself to do that.
The thought of it makes me feel sick. So AITJ for canceling her visit?”
Another User Comments:
“When I was 29, I landed myself in a hospital in another state that my parents lived in. When I spoke to Dad on the phone and told him I was having surgery but would be fine and friends were gonna help me, he told Mum who then booked a last-minute flight to be by my side without asking.
She navigated Sydney public transport all by herself and was by my bedside when I woke up from surgery. She stayed all weekend once I was discharged, bought (and cooked me) a whole week of lunches and dinners, did my laundry, and did a bunch of other household chores.
She point blank refused to let me pay her for anything. That is what a parent does. You’re NTJ.” Misstori122
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, my DIL just asked if I can come help next week and I would NEVER charge them!!
That is horrible. I usually end up spending money on them as the parent. I am going because she needs a little help and I am happy to. If she needed the $ I guess it is ok. I just never would unless I was in a real bind.
I am glad you are getting better. maybe next time talk with her before that you cannot afford her gas this time. Edit: for typo” Pomegranate_1328
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I live in NYC… in one of the outer boroughs.
My mom lives upstate. I had uterine cancer a few years ago.. my mom drove down to get me and essentially moved me in with her during my whole treatment so she could take care of me. Then she would drive me down to Manhattan to the hospital for my appointments.
Sometimes I had multiple appointments in a day when we were lucky… sometimes I would have multiple appointments in a week. This lady was driving nearly two hours each way.. tolls, and parking fees until the hospital gave me a parking fee waiver that I could use in their lot… one of the bridge tolls coming in was 16.50 and we’re doing that twice a day multiple times a week… and my mom is retired… this lady never once looked at me and said: “You got this?” Even helped me with my rent and utilities… because she’s my mom and her child was in a crisis… You are NTJ” nattiey2002
9. AITJ For Avoiding My Sister Instead Of Telling Her I Don't Want To Spend Time With Her?
“Am I a jerk for avoiding my sister and making excuses instead of telling her I don’t want to spend time with her?
My sister lives in my hometown not too far from my mom. We don’t have a close relationship.
She talks non-stop and only about herself. If you get a word in, she interrupts to bring the conversation back to her. She will talk to you for hours and hours. Also, she is very volatile and harbors a lot of anger towards me and the family.
You never know when she will suddenly get super angry. We’ve had long conversations in the past where she has spent hours detailing every way I’ve hurt her and I’ve apologized and told her to be close—I need to feel like our relationship goes both ways.
Nothing changed and I stopped being alone with her as it would always end with her emotionally dumping on me.
When I go to visit my Mom, my sister gets angry if I go a day without seeing her or making plans.
I don’t particularly want to visit my sister and I want to avoid confrontation—so I do an obligatory couple of hours with her and then make up excuses. For example, I’ll say I need to go to bed early.
I know that telling her how I feel is the nicer thing to do, but I feel like the conversation would be hours and hours of every grievance and I wouldn’t be heard.
It is like every small slight is remembered and cataloged, but every kindness is immediately forgotten.
I spent years trying to be extra nice to her so she wouldn’t be so angry at me—starting when we were young (I’m 7 years younger) until I got married. She couldn’t afford to come to the wedding, so my fiance and I paid thousands to fly her and her family out.
At the wedding she was either effusive/clingy the whole wedding (even though we aren’t close) or she was angry and sulking. She got really mad at me at the wedding for forgetting to hug her even though I had just hugged my brother.
Now when the wedding comes up, she gets so angry because she feels like she was slighted and she is still mad at me. After that—I said no more trying to make her happy.
Am I a jerk for just avoiding her when I’m home?
Is it jerk behavior to not just say how I feel? I’m passive as a person and I know being nice isn’t always kind.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s okay to protect your emotional well-being and set boundaries with your sister.
It sounds like you’ve tried to address the issues in the past, and it’s not your responsibility to keep enduring one-sided conversations and emotional dumping.” pretty_angeel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to spend time with someone that exhausting.
But jerk for not telling her the truth. Lies are never the solution to difficult conversations. Just tell her (or message her so she can’t interrupt) that you don’t like spending time with her for all the reasons you listed. Also say that if she wasn’t like that, you might want to spend time with her.
Then leave it to her. If she throws a fit, just go NC with her and enjoy your life.” More-Yogurtcloset531
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I have the philosophy that if someone doesn’t add or bring something positive to the relationship we share, I don’t have any time for them.
I do not do one-sided relationships. I do not spend time with people who think they are the center of everyone’s world. Because of this, I have a few former friends and a few relatives who are not included in my life any longer and my life is better without them.
Being family does not grant any rights or come with any clauses. No rights to be included, no auto-forgive clause, and no endless chances clause.” ConfusedAt63
8. AITJ For Feeling Hurt Over My Family's Treatment Of My Wedding Compared To My Sister's?
“I got married the year before my sister, but my parents did not approve of who I wanted to marry (I’m gay) so they said not to expect them to pay for it and that I was not allowed to invite any of the family to my wedding.
They eventually gave us £200 ‘towards the buffet’ because my aunt wanted to come and I don’t think they wanted to admit to her that they contributed nothing. (My partner and I had a very low-budget wedding and are still happily married 18 years later).
My sister got married the year after and my parents shelled out on a very lavish wedding for her. I was supposed to be a bridesmaid at this wedding, but my sister replaced me with one of her friends without telling me and I still to this day don’t know why.
I have always presumed it was because I have a couple of small tattoos on my upper arms and the dress we all chose was sleeveless and she thought I would ruin the wedding photos (we had gone to a makeup store and tried to get some cover-up for them after the dress choosing day, but none of the foundations covered them completely, which is what had led me to assume this).
But I recently heard from a member of my family that she had told them I had thrown a tantrum about wearing a dress and wanted to wear a trouser suit as bridesmaid and that’s why she ditched me.
I’m hurt that she lied to people and feel like everyone must be thinking I’m a horrible person. My sister and her husband divorced less than 5 years later after he was unfaithful to her. My sister is now getting married again and my parents are again paying for a very fancy wedding at a posh venue.
I have buried my feelings for many years for the sake of keeping the peace, but this has brought it all to the surface again and I feel like I’ve been snubbed by my family yet again.
We aren’t very well off and I never ask my parents for funds, but I feel like my wedding fund was taken away and given to her instead.
I want to say something about how hurt I feel and ask why I was dropped from the first wedding and why she gets two big fancy weddings while I got nothing but I’m worried it makes me sound like a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Write your parents a letter telling them how you feel. Write a letter to your sister as well telling her that it still bothers you that you were removed as a bridesmaid and that the family told you it was because you didn’t want to wear a dress etc. Try to keep the tone of the letter non-accusatory because it will make them defensive. Explain how you feel – your feelings are your feelings whether they like it or not.
Be prepared for them not to respond the way you hope they will.” Long jumping-Lab-1916
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But do you expect it to matter? Besides possibly making you feel better in the moment? It sounds like there are no questions you can ask to which you don’t already know the answers.
And your parents seem quite comfortable in their homophobia and bigotry to feel no shame for how they treated you. And it sounds like your sister is a golden child drama queen. So calling her out on her nonsense will probably just feed her ego and make her feel superior.
So you would be entirely *justified* in blowing up at them, or even sitting them down and calmly explaining why they’re jerks. But to what end? They know they’re bigots and jerks. But they probably don’t care.” DrTeethPhD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I´m afraid to say you have a toxic family, so how you deal with them is not one answer. The first thing I´d say is, to look after yourself first and always as your parents and your sister have shown you they will not prioritize you in any way.
Second, it is perfectly ok to defend yourself against false accusations, so for the people who told you the lies your sister said respond with the truth, you were her bridesmaid until she dropped you with zero warning and never told you why, and that you had no problem wearing a dress (don´t share your assumptions, only the facts).
The last thing I´d say is stop expecting them to change, they are who they are (awful people), live your best life but don´t bottle yourself up. If they hurt you, tell them, if they don´t listen and continue to do the same, walk away.” Lula_mlb
7. AITJ For Being Upset My Partner Continued Using Substances After Our Breakup?
“Me (F20) and my partner (M28) have been together for about 10 months or so. Back in November, when I was 19 and he was 27, we broke up. I initiated it because at the time I had some mental health issues and wanted to focus on myself.
He told me he’d go back to using substances, that he thought I was a bad person; always ways will be, always have been, etc. Remember booze was involved during this. Also the rest of the relationship he has treated me very well and I love him very much.
Anyway, last night I discovered he had still been taking substances on nights out. I don’t know the extent, whether it was every night out, the odd two times, or every other night out. But he said he had an addiction and hated himself for it, so definitely had taken it at some point past the breakup convo.
This hurt me a lot because I thought he had stopped specifically for me- made it out to be during the breakup. ‘I’m going to go back to doing substances’, implying my absence would drive him back to addiction.
Now I am no stranger to addiction. I have problems with booze and I am aware of how incredibly hard it is to kick. It’s not the addiction I’m worried about, it’s the fact his words had so much emotional weight and yet it turns out he was still doing substances regardless
But also I don’t know if I’m overreacting. It was back in November after all. He initially said ‘I have work tomorrow I’m not doing this tonight’ (not verbatim but along the lines), he at one point asked ‘Why was I doing this to him’, and now I feel super guilty for even bringing it up.
His reaction made me think he’s just struggling with addiction, it was so long ago that he said this anyway; I feel like I’m being stupid because he didn’t specify how many times he did it since the breakup, like what if it was only 2 times?
And he never did it after that?? I feel like I’m going insane and I need to know if I’m in the wrong here.
I will try my best to reply to any comments with questions for more clarity”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I didn’t even finish reading the past. There is a valid reason why he’s 27 and with a 19-year-old, and it’s deffo not because he’s a good person. Run. You are 19.
You’ve got your whole life ahead. Go live it. Leave substance dude to his own self-destructive devices.” GuiltyPick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a right to know if you’re around someone who is using substances.
Addiction IS hard and since you kicked it yourself, you don’t need to be around other addicts (even if it isn’t the same addiction). If it WERE only two times, he’d have said that. I’m usually a “work through problems” kind of person, but being around an addict absolutely can damage your recovery.
Also, his stating he’ll start using again should you leave is super controlling and narcissistic. Instead of taking the blame for being on substances, he just makes it your fault. Just those two alone should have you running for the hills.” MsMithra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he seems a bit of a red flag, maybe he is always nice, but not in moments where one of you is upset, manipulative language is pretty concerning. Keep in mind an addict tends to justify their addiction with just about anything, I doubt he ever stopped ‘for you’ and I’m sure it was just a convenient excuse that you guys had a break for him to say that made him resume his addiction.
If you wanna handle this on it feel free, but addiction is incredibly difficult to beat even WHEN YOU WANT TO. You need to figure out if he actually wants to stop or if he just wants sympathy for his addiction first.” StupidQuestionDude7
6. AITJ For Confronting My Best Friend About Her Flirtatious Behavior Towards My Fiancé?
“I (24F) sent my best friend (23F) of 4+ years a message confronting her about her unusual flirtatious behavior towards my fiance.
So here are the “signs” or so I see them…
1. This one sounds insane but please stick with me here… Whenever my best friend is hanging out at her house or casually out together, we dress down very casually. I know she dresses up for outings because she would often come over before or afterward and I’d see her cute outfits.
Oddly enough, now that my man is around (we just moved in together) she always comes over dressed up in what I would consider her date attire. Only when we go to my house, not when we go to hers or in public.
I didn’t notice at first, but after a while, I realized she’s always coming over wearing full-face make-up, tons of perfume, and her cutest outfits. Like she’s going on a date…
2. I asked her to help my fiance get a management job at a local restaurant she worked in and she kindly did (this was months ago).
She has since quit the job but goes in often for seemingly no reason. I know she’s mentioned she’s still in the group chat where the scheduling is published, so it makes me wonder. Especially since she never mentions running into my fiance at his workplace, but he always mentions it to me and finds it funny that she comes in so much.
3. Lastly, I’ve noticed when she does come over to have drinks and dinner at my house that she talks to my fiance a lot. Like in a familiar sweet way idk. She’ll yell stuff like “I love you [fiance’s name]” when we’re hanging out and he does something like refill our drinks or put on a movie.
The frequency and familiarity of these comments kind of make me uncomfortable.
She didn’t respond to my message for days and then just sent something about how she’ll “give me time,” but didn’t do a good job of denying my suspicions and she didn’t affirm them by apologizing.
I think she ended up going back into the restaurant a few times to say hey to my fiance while she was giving me time.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if this is a consistent pattern of behavior, then it sounds like you’re calling her on real stuff.
It’s super duper weird that she would be saying things like “I love you” to your fiancé often enough to make you uncomfortable. I’m outgoing and bubbly and friendly and I would never think it ok to cross a line like that.
I have guy friends that I say “I love you” but we are actually very close and our relationships are purely and truly platonic. I wouldn’t dream of saying it to my best friend’s partner. And dressing up to come over… weird and sus.
Talk to your fiancé and try to get his take on things.” Eden_Acadia
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here from just the facts listed. I’m not convinced by any of the stories the thing is weird imo but that’s the only one that’s giving me weird vibes and I’ll get to that, BUT you know her better so I’ll go on your instincts are sending all kinds of messages to you.
My question is this… what does your fiance think about all this? If you haven’t yet, talk to him. This may be just a friendship coming to a point of change, or your instincts would be firing at both the friend and fiance.
From visiting work places to just talking to my partner kinda makes me think I may be purposely or inadvertently encouraging the attention. Or at the very least your fiance is not exactly putting down boundaries… which you should be thinking both of them are concerning.
You’re only talking about your friend, though. I would talk to your fiance and go from there. And if they invalidate your concerns you may want to put him on your radar instead. ” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Trust your gut.
And also she isn’t acting like a friend. A true friend would immediately pick you over him and suggest hangouts at her house until you’re comfortable again. She would make your comfort a priority because your feelings are a priority to her.
Trust your gut. Either she likes him or she is immature or she is unwilling to see your point of view. All are red flags (or yellow flags at the minimum).” TexasGamerGirl10000
5. AITJ For Keeping A Secret Rainy-Day Fund With Leftover Grocery Funds From Roommates?
“I (24F) share an apartment with my two roommates/close friends – Nikki and Leah, we all make around the same and split rent equally.
Nikki and Leah need to go to work every day and I am mostly WFH, and, I happen to be a pretty good cook. So we all agreed that instead of eating out or hiring a maid/cook, they would each pay me 5K a month for groceries (so a total of 10K) and I would not contribute towards the household groceries cost, instead I would cook 2-3 meals daily for all of us, handle the kitchen cleanup, buy groceries, etc. This has worked well for us for close to two years at this point.
Now, sometimes in a month, there may be 1K to 3K left over from the 10K Leah and Nikki have given me, sometimes I get a good deal, and sometimes we just eat less. Instead of transferring these funds back to them, I have been keeping a “rainy-day” apartment fund, to be used in case of emergencies.
I may have made a mistake by not telling them about this fund but that is because Nikki and Leah tend to not save and spend every coin they get, it’s not like any of us make a large amount anyway (we all make like 35K to 40K a month).
If I told them about it, anytime there is a concert or a sale, they would demand it and spend it.
Now over two years, this fund has grown to be about 45K, although it isn’t life-changing money, it is more than any of our monthly salaries and as fate would have it, the rainy day arrived yesterday.
I am not very sure what happened but from what I gather, Nikki had been trying her hand at microwave cooking, using recipes from some 5 Min Crafts-esque video, and completely sparked/burnt our microwave, which belonged to our landlord.
Now we have to replace the same at our own cost and it is around 12K, and obviously, Nikki will pay for it as it was her fault. Nikki started to panic as she hadn’t gotten her salary yet and she was broke.
I told her and Leah that it was fine and I had a fund that was about 45K, Nikki could use her half of it to buy a new microwave.
They went ballistic and accused me of making money off them and skimming funds off the top.
Neither of them is talking to me, I gave them all of the funds. Was I the jerk??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You probably should have told them, especially if you intended that it was a household rainy day fund.
However, I am saying NTJ because I think you might be devaluing your labor costs of doing the cooking cleaning, and grocery shopping in this. They agreed to pay you 5K each every month for cooking. They’re paying you for both the cost of food and for the time you spend cooking and cleaning and shopping.
You should add up how many hours you spend a week cooking (and cleaning), then add up the grocery cost for three people. Consider whether the 1-2K a month plus one-third of food costs (since you eat free – it’s a form of payment) is more or less than how much you would pay another external person to do the cooking… you might be saving the household funds even with the 1-2K leftover occasionally, depending on how much wages are where you live.” pyrrhaHA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think everyone, especially you, should reframe what it is they are paying you for. They are individually paying 5k/month for a live-in maid, you are cooking all of their meals, buying groceries, and cleaning for a little less than the cost of a microwave oven.
On top of that, you saved any funds left over as a joint fund. I would be so grateful for having a roommate that did this much for me. Even if you technically were “skimming”, are they not saving more funds from this setup?
Have you all had an agreement on what it is you’re supposed to do if there’s any money left by the end of the month? If not, I think it’s well within your rights to have kept the funds for yourself, which you didn’t.
I think it might be good to pause your meal agreement until they start appreciating how much work AND money you are saving them, on top of bailing one of them out when they messed up. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you…” Frieddiapers
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Now that I know you are not talking US dollars (the number you quoted was mind-boggling if so) I believe it makes sense to establish this sort of account. There are going to be months when you spend more, and others when you spend less.
The case of the microwave illustrates why this fund is sensible. This is simply good financial management. If half the fund is all it takes to purchase a microwave, this is not an exorbitant amount. You could offer to give any person who moves out of the apartment their share of the reserve, but I don’t think that is necessary.
It might appease them though. Here you can purchase a microwave for approx $100, so if a microwave costs half the amount of your reserve, that is not a huge amount when purchasing food for 3 people. Do they compensate you in any way for the huge amount of work you do for them?” Maximum-Swan-1009
4. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sick, Abusive Father To Live With Me?
“To start with, the title sounds horrible. But let me explain. My father was abusive growing up, physically, emotionally, and mentally.
He was a heavy drinker almost my entire life; once my mother passed away at the age of nine, he got to his breaking point and just gave up being a parent.
He was emotionally absent but paid the bills, so in his mind, he was a great father, but even though the bills were paid, most of the time we didn’t have any food, I didn’t have health insurance, or dental, so as a child I was neglected.
There were times when certain points my dad was a father, and we possibly had a couple of conversations where I felt happy, but now as an adult, I realize that I have made excuses, and was the parent more than the child.
Once I was 17 or 18 I moved out and began to try to stay away. When I was 19 I moved back for a brief time, but finally moved out a couple of months after as the heavy drinking was as bad as it’s ever been.
Fast forward to 24 years old, and I receive a call from my father’s best friend (who is the greatest man I’ve had in my life other than my husband), and he informs me my father is in the hospital. For context, I am in the military, and text my dad briefly and found out two weeks ago he was thinking of going.
Well, he’s in the hospital, with all his stuff packed in a car, and moved out of the motel he was living in (he’s been there for almost two years) and planned on trying to get a place with me 3,000 miles away.
I have concluded that if he’s dying (they assume he may have cancer) I could help him, but I’m unsure if I would want to, and just rather put him into a home if worse comes to worst.
However, I was going to help him get on his feet if he was going to get better, but I came to realize my boundaries were being taken advantage of and I was resorting back to the parental figure for my father.
He’s always wanted someone to take care of him since he had absent parents as well, but I am his child and I felt that this isn’t my responsibility.
Maybe this is to vent as I try not to burden others, but am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Children don’t *owe* their parents a home even when they were great parents; what grown children do for their parents is out of love and connection. Your father did not foster that. You can help without having him live with you.
Don’t bring yourself down or open yourself up to the mistreatment of this heavy drinker man who did not take care of you. He’s delusional to think that you–his child–should be taking care of him. Avail yourself of therapy if possible to get the affirmation you may need to stand strong against this.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to reopen yourself up to your abusive past and potential future mistreatment with an ailing parent. I’m kinda appalled for you that he’s all packed and ready to move in without even asking you.
You’re well within your rights to stand your ground and say no. Maybe you can help him find a place close to you (if you’re willing to have him close).” IamIrene
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t even have a fraught relationship with my parents and them moving in with me is not remotely an option.
You do not “owe” your father anything, let alone something as big as moving in with you. If you have the energy and want to do so – even if just to be the sort of person who does this – you can help him get situated with his new phase of life.
Help him figure out Medicaid (if applicable), help find him a home, etc. But you aren’t obligated to do so.” NeverSayBoho
3. AITJ For Confronting My Noisy Neighbor Late At Night?
“So it’s kind of hard to explain my apartment but I live on the top floor above my neighbour & I have a front door that is right next to her back downstairs windows (it kind of looks like a house).
She lives alone and is about 20 I think, I’m 24 and female. We kind of got off to a rocky start because she often has loud parties that go on until about 5am and I’ve texted her a few times about it but mostly let her off the hook.
We also have two elderly neighbours that are joined onto our apartments from the left.
Tonight at 11:30pm I heard lots of banging right outside my front door. I live alone with my dog (I should say reactive dog) so he was barking like mad when he heard this.
I honestly got really scared as I thought someone was trying to break in. I let the noise go on for about 10 mins before I braved it. I phoned my partner and asked him to stay on the phone while I went to investigate because ultimately I have elderly neighbours and if I let it continue my dog would continue to bark and I am conscious of elderly neighbours I have (who have also complained to me about said neighbours parties).
I went down and I can see she had her bin just outside her window (which is next to my front door). When I opened the door she said “I’m so sorry did I wake you up?
I was doing some clearing out and thought it would be easier). Honestly I feel I could have approached this better because I said in an annoyed tone “can you not do that in the morning? It’s half 11 at night and you’re making my dog bark”.
She then said “there’s no need to be rude” and I replied, “I’m not trying to be rude but it’s half 11 at night”. She said ok and when I closed the door I could still hear her muttering.
I’m back in bed now but I can’t sleep because I’m worried. My heart is racing because I honestly built it up in my head that someone was trying to get in. Thankfully I have a big dog that I know would protect me should that have been the case, but it didn’t stop me from worrying.
So AITJ for what I said? And more importantly, what can I do about this neighbour? I want us to be civil, would it be an idea to call round tomorrow to apologise?”
2. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Sister's Wedding To My Ex-Fiancé?
“I (28F) was engaged to my ex-fiancé “Mike” (30M) for two years.
We were together for five years in total and were supposed to get married last summer. About three months before our wedding, I found out that he had been unfaithful to me with someone else. It was devastating, and I called off the wedding immediately.
Mike moved away shortly after we broke up, and I thought that was the end of it. I was heartbroken, but I slowly started to move on with my life. Fast forward to last month, I got a call from my younger sister “Lily” (25F) saying she had exciting news and wanted me to come over to our parent’s house for dinner to share it.
When I arrived, Lily and my parents were all smiles, and she dropped the bombshell: she was engaged. To Mike. My head was spinning. I felt like I was going to pass out. Lily and Mike had been secretly seeing each other for the past year, and now they were engaged. My parents had known about it for months but decided to keep it from me to “protect my feelings.”
They thought I’d be happy for them eventually. Lily tried to justify it by saying she and Mike fell in love after our breakup and that their relationship was meant to be. She insisted that they didn’t start seeing each other until after we were officially over, but I felt betrayed on so many levels.
I told them all that I wanted nothing to do with their wedding and stormed out. Since then, my parents and Lily have been bombarding me with calls and texts, calling me selfish and saying I’m overreacting. They claim that true love is rare and I should be supportive of Lily’s happiness.
Now, the wedding is in a few months, and the pressure is on. My parents have even threatened to cut me off financially if I don’t attend. Some friends think I should go to keep the peace and show I’m over it, while others are appalled and say I have every right to be angry and to stay away.
To add insult to injury, Lily recently asked if I would be her maid of honor, claiming she wants to mend our relationship. This request has left me torn—I don’t want to ruin our family dynamic further, but I can’t shake the hurt and betrayal I feel.
So, AITJ for refusing to attend my sister’s wedding after she secretly went out and got engaged to my ex-fiancé?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Let’s review here. Mike has been unfaithful to you and broke your heart (presumably with someone else since Lily says they started seeing each other after your break-up).
Now that very unfaithful person is with your sister and they, including your parents, hid this fact from you. Now they drop this bomb on you, call you heartless for not believing in their ‘true love’ and Lily even dares to ask you to be her maid of honor?
If Mike was unfaithful once, he would be unfaithful again. That much I foresee. To be honest OP, I would go LC or NC with them, depending on how they decide to behave in the future towards you.” No_Construction_1096
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sure you cannot control them ending up together. They started seeing each other after your relationship had ended. If your sister is in love with your sloppy seconds and a known unfaithful person. All the best to her.
I think deep down you will process the truth of that for yourself, and maintain your relationship with your sister. But you NEED the time to process this… Dropping the bombshell on you 2 months before the wedding. Expecting you to just get over your feelings and be a part of the wedding party as well is A LOT to ask in this situation.
Your parents AND sister made a horrific mistake in NOT informing you of this sooner, and giving you time to process your feelings.” Doktor_Seagull
1. AITJ For Planning A Surprise Birthday Weekend For My Wife?
“My wife’s birthday was coming up in a month and I wanted to surprise her by planning something nice.
It’s not working out like I thought it would.
Let me start by saying we have a good marriage and very rarely argue about anything.
First, I needed to make sure the dates were free. She often makes plans with friends weeks in advance and doesn’t say much about it until the last minute (I have no problem with this).
So that didn’t happen, I asked a couple of her long-time friends to help. They agreed and arranged some fake run-of-the-mill activities to fill her calendar.
The dates are safe, I made plans for the weekend: great tickets to a show I knew she’d love, a high-end hotel, reservations at top-rated restaurants I thought she’d like, a table at a music club, and a few other things to do that she usually enjoys.
I also arranged for a pet sitter (someone who we had done the same for us recently). Took care of all the details.
We leave on Friday evening, so I told her about it on Monday. I wanted her to have time to process and pack without being stressed.
She didn’t seem excited about it at all. A little later, I sent her the list of restaurant reservations and alternatives to make sure she liked the picks. Two days later, she hadn’t said a word about the trip and hadn’t even looked at the restaurant list.
I reminded her this morning that we were supposed to leave tomorrow and we needed to pack tonight. That started the argument.
She says she feels disrespected because I planned without telling her. She said I embarrassed her by asking her friends to lie to her.
She’s mad I asked the person to watch our pets and didn’t ask her sister to do it first. I told her I did ask and her sister couldn’t do it.
She was angry I didn’t tell her in advance so she didn’t stress.
I reminded her I told her a week in advance and arranged everything precisely so she wouldn’t stress.
I told her I had to do this while tickets/reservations were still available and didn’t want to tell her about her birthday present a month in advance.
Her friends were happy to help and thought she’d like this surprise. FWIW, she was happy when I arranged a surprise party a couple of years ago that all the same friends were in on and I didn’t think this would be an issue.
AITJ for planning a surprise birthday weekend for my wife?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – ask her if she would prefer you cancel everything. Then walk away and let her decide. Her reaction has already tainted the plans you made and her comments are over the top.
Most women would be thrilled if a husband or partner went to such lengths to give them something they would enjoy. Maybe your marriage isn’t as ‘good’ as you think…she’s being rude and antagonistic for no reason.” omeomi24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Side note. There was a post on here where a lady was angry her partner surprised her with a trip. She had every right though. She hates camping, has IBS, and is OCD about bathroom cleanliness.
He knows all this. He didn’t tell her ahead of time and didn’t pack for her and she wore a date outfit with heels. So he took her on a glamping/ camping trip with a small RV and an awful bathroom.
That guy sucks, not you. If stuff doesn’t work out with your wife, look up that lady! She would be THRILLED with your ideas. A lot of us would. I hope you can talk it out with your wife and figure out what the issue is for her.” Trick_Delivery4609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was really sweet, to me at least. It sounds like your wife might’ve been expecting something else. Is this a landmark bday? It does seem odd because her friends even thought she’d like it.
Have you asked her directly? That’s probably your best bet. Just sit her down and ask. Maybe she’d been hinting and you didn’t get it or something. I hope the weekend turns out better than it’s looking at the moment.” Global_Look2821
