People Ask For Sympathy In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Keeping The Secret That My Friend Is Dating Our Other Friend's Toxic Ex?
“I (20F) have 2 friends, let’s call them Lily (18F) and Bea (19F), the three of us are close like a little friend group.
Lily had a partner, David (22M), and they were in a relationship for barely a year after she discovered he was unfaithful to her with a mutual friend of all of us, of course, they broke up after this. David was a very controlling person and a manipulator, there were a bunch of rumors going around that he liked to get with girls and dump them afterward, he even told Lily that “that’s just how he is” confirming everything everyone said was true.
I personally despise him, Lily suffered a lot because of him, especially after the breakup. Bea and Lily were way closer to each other since they spent more time together before I met Lily, so it was frustrating seeing Bea close to David even after the breakup.
He had another partner after Lily, they broke up because of the same thing: him being manipulative and controlling. Bea was friends with that partner, because of him, so she knew everything.
Here comes the thing, last Tuesday, while I was at work, waiting to do anything since the place was kind of empty and I had already cleaned everything, I saw 2 people together, they looked like Bea and David, but I couldn’t see clearly since they were far from where I was, I found it a bit odd and kept watching until I saw them kiss, I was in shock but couldn’t assume it was them.
They ordered and when I saw the name for the order, I could confirm it was the two of them, I can’t describe the amount of disappointment I felt at that moment. After that, 2 other friends joined them and it seemed that everything was okay, so I went to deliver their food and said hi to Bea first, she was surprised to see me there, I posted a lot about my workplace so that shouldn’t be a surprise, she hugged me and everything, but I simply shook my head before saying hi to one of the other girls that joined them, who is a friend of mine that I haven’t seen in a while.
When my shift ended, I got home and immediately texted Bea to confront her about it and told her that either she would tell Lily or I’d do it. She told me that she and David had just started seeing each other and that she wanted to tell Lily, but her phone wasn’t working.
I told Bea I was so disappointed and upset, not just because she knew how much Lily suffered, but because she just got out of a toxic relationship herself with a girl that was the same as David, so she was repeating that cycle again, I explained to her that he won’t change, he didn’t do it for Lily nor his other ex.
I also told Bea not to tell Lily yet, it would affect her and Lily needs to end some classes to take a test to get into college, she wouldn’t be concentrated and it would make it worse for her. I asked if she could tell her after the test and she agreed. Honestly, I feel so bad about keeping this secret, she deserves to know, but she also wants to get into college and is really focused, so, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It is not your responsibility to tell. But this whole thing might impact the friendship that the three of you have, especially if she finds out before your friend tells her. You might want to ask your friend if it is worth it to start a relationship with someone who acts like that all the time to possibly harm the friendship she has.” InvSnake
18. AITJ For Asking My Father And His Wife Not To Argue In My Deceased Mother's House?
“Sometime after I was 17m years old, my parents got a divorce because my father was being unfaithful to my mom with a much younger woman, I will call her “Sarah” since I don’t want to use her real name.
After the divorce happened my father moved out and started living with Sarah and got married to her without telling me and my brother. My father did not know that me and my brother knew about his unfaithfulness, this detail will be important later on.
I now am 27 years old and recently lost my mother around ten months ago in what could be the most horrible experience of my life, spending a month and a half in a hospital taking care of her only to lose her in the end.
This is an experience I will never forget and it has scarred me for the rest of my life since I had a very close relationship with my mom.
My bond with my father wasn’t as close as he didn’t try to reinforce a relationship with me ever since I was born, he assumed the money provider role and wasn’t interested in my life or my brother’s.
When my mom died my father tried to establish a bond with me and my brother, he let me stay in his house a couple of months since staying in my mother´s house was traumatizing for me and helped me with funeral procedures and hereditary processes after the death of my mom.
I eventually had to leave their house since I was being treated like a useless child and I had responsibilities to attend as an adult, like managing my job. Sarah was especially uncomfortable with my presence since she “didn’t” understand why I was grumpy all the time.
As if I hadn’t lost my mother recently. I eventually moved back to my mother’s house to attend to my job and to finish any unfinished business my mother left behind.
A month passed after that and everything was starting to calm down, I started to accept my father little by little until one day my father contacted me to hang out.
When we went out to dinner, he told me that he had an argument with Sarah, saying that he was quite angry with her and insulting her, calling her a “toxic woman”. I asked him if he wanted to sleep that night at my mom’s house and he accepted.
We had a pretty relaxed evening, but the next morning, Sarah appeared at my doorstep and invited herself in without my consent, she asked where my father was and closed herself in the same room as my father to argue. I was pretty furious, and when they got out of the bedroom I asked them to not argue in my mom’s house.
They got mad at my request, telling me that they “took me in when I needed it” I guess they assumed I was kicking them out of the house. But I made sure to make my request as polite as possible. When they left the house, my father called my brother and told him he would no longer support me him and that we were on our own from now on.
My brother revealed to him that we knew that Sarah was his lover and that’s why I asked them that.
There is more context to be added I will see if I can add more context but so far AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your father and his affair partner had a lot of nerve bringing their drama into your deceased mother’s house.
As if being unfaithful and leaving her wasn’t enough disrespect. I suspect he realized this, which is why he became so defensive and lashed out. But this is the action of an immature, selfish person. Now that your father has truly confirmed who he is, I’d recommend not setting yourself up for disappointment by expecting anything at all from such an unworthy excuse for a father.” PendragonINTJ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ of course, so sorry for your loss. “My bond with my father wasn’t as close as he didn’t try to reinforce a relationship with me ever since I was born” and now he threatens to “not support” you or your brother like that wasn’t the status quo before your mom passed?
And good that your brother told them you all knew, maybe Sarah will have a little shame about being a jerk.” aaliceb
17. AITJ For Not Outing My Gay Best Friend To Prove To My Partner I'm Not Having An Affair?
“My partner (18M, who I will refer to as ‘Max’, and I (19F) have been together for just over a year. We had been friends throughout secondary school as our schools often did stuff together, and started our relationship in our final year.
I love him so much, he is my world.
We go to the same uni and do similar courses, so we often hang out on campus in a pretty large friend group. Some are from each of our high schools, and others also do the same course as us. Obviously, we aren’t super close with all of them, we each have our close friends and people we don’t know so well (as you do naturally), and there are definitely a few people we don’t like.
‘Ben’ (19M) is a part of this social circle, he and I are best friends, and Max isn’t super close with him. We grew up together, and I have a lot of love and respect for him, almost like a cousin or brother. Ben is gay, something I’ve known for a while, and am of course okay with (I am bi myself!).
He is not out to many people except his sisters, my mum (she’s sort of like an aunt to him, and his parents aren’t super accepting) and I, and his identity has been something he has struggled with.
The problem started last week. A girl in our group, Olivia, who has clearly had feelings for Max forever, started grilling me as the group (sans Ben) had lunch.
Clearly, she had already said something to other girls, because some were egging her on, before she finally asked with a smirk, “So what does Max think about you being with Ben?”
I was gobsmacked, and very confused, as was Max. I asked what she meant, and she said that she had seen Ben and I making out at a club last night.
I said, yes, Ben and I did go out, but of course, we didn’t neck on. She clearly did not believe me and was seemingly certain that I must be unfaithful. It eventually got around to Ben and Daniel. Of course, they quickly refuted it, but Ben was not ready to come out, so couldn’t point out how stupid Olivia was and that she was trying to break me and Max up.
Max really started to worry, and he later asked me sincerely if I was seeing Ben, which of course I said no, but, he didn’t seem fully convinced, as I think Olivia must have really gotten to him, and he is a very anxious guy anyways, with one of his exes being unfaithful.
I obviously could not tell him that Ben was gay and that therefore of course we would never be together, as I do not think it would be fair to out someone at all, especially to another person they are not particularly close with. I would never even imagine doing that to him, I myself was ‘outed’ at my girl’s catholic school in Year 8, but I think I seem crazy telling Max that he can be certain whilst not being able to give any more concrete proof and I just don’t know what to do.
He has never expressed any concern about how close Ben and I are, but maybe he was anxious all along. My mum thinks it’s not fair on Max for not giving full clarity, but I really am not sure. AITJ for not outing Ben to prove to Max I’m not unfaithful?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re doing the right thing!! And even if your friend was straight, you’re allowed to be friends. You know that you weren’t making out with him, so all you can do is be honest with your partner that you’re just friends and hope he gets over the insecurity.
And definitely never trust Olivia again.” HungryMagpie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – And you shouldn’t need to give your partner any “proof” that you’re not unfaithful to him if you’ve never done so before. He has no reason to distrust you. Worse, he’s taking another girl’s word over yours.
You shouldn’t have to justify your friendship with another man by saying he’s gay. Men and women can, in fact, have platonic relationships. His trust in you being so easily shaken is not the best sign for your relationship. I suspect that Olivia wants to be with Max and this is her way of getting him single.
Too bad it sounds like it’s working. But honestly, if she really saw you kissing someone she so would have snapped a pic on her phone. So where’s the proof? That should have been his first question to her. Pic or it didn’t happen.” VixenNoire
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but not many SOs are going to feel comfortable with their partner out clubbing with a friend of the opposite gender. Not sure what you expect Max to think. Yes, you protect your friend, but you’re out late at night with another man at a club.
What is he supposed to think? Would the line “she’s just a friend” work on you if he’s out with a chick at one in the morning? Context really helps in these situations so I don’t blame Max.” wannaseemytriforce
16. AITJ For Wanting To Show My Ex's Partner Our Messages Full Of Excuses And Lies?
“I want to start this off by stating that I am very angry right now, so my judgment and grammar may be skewed. Backstory. My son’s(T,12) dad(J) loves T.
They talk on the phone all the time (J moved to another town for work). The problem is that he will not help me with him. He has never willingly paid child support. Every time the CS office finds where J’s working, he quits and finds another job until they find him again.
I’ve asked J to take T for me several times to help out. Once when my aunt and my grandma passed away within a month of each other. Again when my little cousin died about 6 months later. I went through a pretty serious mental spiral and I begged J for help, but he was always unavailable.
The plumbing went out, so he told me that he would take T for the summer so I could get everything taken care of. Without asking, he sends T home a month and a half early. I hadn’t finished fixing everything, but he never even asked about it.
I feel I should also add that my son wanted to be at his dad’s.
I’ve already threatened to go to the CS office again, but he’s guilt-tripped me for way longer than I’d care to admit and I haven’t gone through with it. I’d rather him act like a dad.
He owed me a very large sum in back CS before lost his license and was about to go to jail, but T couldn’t stand the thought and begged me to stop it. So, I did. I dropped the back child support and haven’t seen a willing dime since.
J also hasn’t been able to stay in a home and has spent most of T’s life bouncing from couch to couch and friend to partner and back again. He does have his own place at this point though. Well, once again I asked J to help me out and take T and offered him a decent amount of CS, plus any extra help that T might need. Once again J refused. This time there’s supposedly mold.
I told him that me and my cousin could fix it, but he said his landlord wouldn’t let anyone else work on the house. Well, today he told me that he had to go buy all of the stuff to get rid of the mold, but shouldn’t the landlord be getting that?
I’m tired of being lied to, not being communicated with, and not being helped. I may not always be understanding of his situation, but I am always sympathetic. I don’t talk badly about J to T and always encourage communication. When J couldn’t afford food or gas to keep T, I covered it.
I grew up without a dad and I don’t want T to have to go through that. Where I think I might be the jerk is that I threatened to go to his partner(C) and show her our messages that are full of excuses and lies.
They have a baby together and J is part of this child’s life every day. J says he talked to C about J staying with them, but I’m not sure if I can believe that. I feel she should know what kind of a father he can be if they ever split.
But I might also be angry and vindictive right now.
Which is why I’m here. Would I be the jerk for showing her our conversations? I have reached out to her, but I haven’t told her why yet.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone Sucks Here. You for repeatedly letting J off the hook, for allowing your son to know about the issues with CS and J, and for allowing your son to manipulate you into a horrible situation.
J is a jerk without doubt and he will never be the parent you need or the one T deserves. Grow up, grow a spine, and use every legal means to get the CS, current and back, that you are owed. And leave T out of it.” NorthwestPassenger
Another User Comments:
“The right thing done for the wrong reason is still the right thing. I say this because you’re not doing this to protect his partner. You’re doing this out of a desire to punish J. On the other hand, his partner should know.
Moreover, if she enters into a more permanent relationship with J, she’s entering into a relationship with someone who owes a great deal of money in child support. So, you are doing the right thing. His partner needs to know for her own sake and the sake of their child.
Even if you’re not doing this for her or their child. I’m going to go with NTJ for that reason. And I don’t blame you one iota for wanting to punish J. He’s a terrible dad and a deadbeat father. The only thing I would suggest is that in the future if you decide to involve the police, you shouldn’t be discussing this with your 12-year-old son.
He doesn’t need to know, and all he’ll do is beg you to stop. You aren’t the one who would be putting your ex in jail. The law will. It isn’t your fault. It’s his. If your son blames you, then you need to sit him down and explain all this to him.” RighteousVengeance
15. AITJ For Not Giving My Friend His Motorcycle Keys?
“I (19M) was at a party with my friends last Saturday.
Well, only me and one of my male friends (18M), let’s call him Tom, stayed behind to party after 11:00 PM. I would say that both Tom and I were tipsy. The problem began at 2:00 AM when Tom told me he was going to drive home on his motorcycle.
Mind you, this is not a short ride around the block, he would have to drive around 11km both through town and the countryside to get home. I told him that he could not do that since he was tipsy. He responded by saying that: “The booze will be digested, by that time”.
And therefore he would not be so tipsy that he couldn’t drive home. I concluded otherwise.
I told him that he could sleep at my place or at a friend’s place where his motorcycle was parked. He didn’t want any of that as he had something to do in the morning, but sleeping here or at our friend’s house would not have stopped him from driving home early in the morning.
Then I took him around to get others’ opinions, who also told him that he should not drive home. Then I took him to a fellow female friend (19F) who told him to give her his keys, which he surprisingly did.
At around 2:30 AM I went up to our female friend to ask her if she still had Tom’s keys, to which she responded yes and asked me to take them.
I was stupid enough to accept the keys.
A bit later I received a message from Tom saying, “You are not going home until you have given me my keys.” He called multiple times. I called him, expressing my concerns about his state. He angrily yelled, vowing never to forgive me and demanding I meet him and give him his keys.
He claimed he wasn’t tipsy, contradicting his earlier statement about booze digesting. We argued, and I finally refused to return the keys. He decided to walk the two-hour walk home, insisting I bring the keys to him or a friend’s place early next morning, which I agreed to, but he later texted that it didn’t matter when.
He asserted it was his sole responsibility to decide when he could drive.
The next day I texted Tom to ask him when he wanted his keys, and he said that he wasn’t home. He asked me to drop them off at a friend’s place, who apparently neither was home.
I then asked him if he could have them at school on Monday, to which he didn’t reply.
On Monday I gave him his keys, and we didn’t talk at all. Later I asked him if we were good to which he told me no and ranted some more at me.
I asked our fellow friends if I really did something that bad, to which one replied that he wasn’t there, and the other told me that I should just have given him his keys that night. Today (Tuesday) I asked Tom when this would be over, and he said that it would not be.
I was a bit petty and told him that I thought that he was acting like a child, but he is constantly ignoring me, and it is making it hard for me to be in conversations with our friend group as he doesn’t even recognize my existence at all.
Please, tell me, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your friend is the jerk, by his logical he is the sole proprietor that gets to decide when he drives or not when he’s tipsy Okay well maybe next time he can drink by himself I used to have friends like this that made a big deal about my concern over them and have had fallouts because even though they’d apologize for getting angry, I would just refuse to party with them again And it’s kind of terrible for your friends to take his side to just keep the peace because whoever said you should’ve just given him the keys sounds like they’d rather just deal with a dead friend than a fussy one who created a rift in the friend group” Distinct_Complex_2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and thank you. Tom could have hurt or killed himself, or other innocent road users. At my 21st I had a mix of my friends and family friends (my parent’s age). One of my aged guys (M) was talking about his new bike with a middle-aged guy (T), and thankfully T had his wits about him.
Managed to get the keys off M and grab his gf to talk him down after he tried to ride off and “prove how fast it kicks off”. I ended up with the keys (everyone my age was camping in my backyard) and I spent the next morning telling M what an utter jerk he was, with his gf and others piling on.
Not only is Tom the jerk, but so are your supposed friends for not backing you up.” DgShwgrl
14. AITJ For Kicking Out My Son's Friend Who Broke My House Rules?
“My house is a bit chaotic. Between my wife and I, we have seven kids. Our marriage is neither of our first rodeo, and we both came into the marriage with our own kids. We do not have any kids together, but we treat all of the kids as our collective kids.
We both work really hard to make sure our kids are happy and our family works. Besides our direct kids, we’ve had friends, and just friend-friends live with us. Besides our immediate family of 9, we can have an additional 4-6 people living in our house.
My wife and I had an agreement that we both came from hard lives and that we would help out anyone who needed it. We want to give people opportunities that we never had. I don’t charge anyone rent or have them pay household bills.
I tell everyone that this is a stop-over and to save their money while they stay here. We’ve never once asked anyone for any help. Heck, my wife and I even feed everyone which can be challenging some days. I have two rules while people stay here.
First, don’t bring any drama here. Second, don’t do anything that puts us at risk of losing any of our kids.
This is where the issue came in. One of the friends (26) of my eldest son (25) was staying with us because she was homeless at the time and sleeping in her car.
We made room for her and told her until she could find a good job and save up money for F/L/S for her own place. Fast-forward about a year, we find out that she is doing things that, while not illegal, could be used against my wife or me by either of our exes for custody.
I asked her to stop doing what she was doing at least while she was in my house. She basically told me to go away because she is an adult and can do whatever she wants. So, because of this, I asked her to move out because this went against rule no. 2.
I did give her a few weeks to secure a place. She started yelling at me and throwing things around. She even tried to turn her friend, my son, against us saying we are jerks and are being unfair. She even had her mother, who she doesn’t live with and will not allow her daughter to move in with her, to call me up and harass me.
I stayed calm and never yelled or insulted her or her mother like they were doing with me. They blow my cell phone up on a daily basis with insulting texts and tell everyone how awful of a person I am on social media. They even called the cops on me multiple times for various made-up claims.
For the record, I didn’t kick her out to live in her car again. During the year she lived at my place, I was able to help her get a decent-paying job and she even got promoted to manager. So, I know she was making about 45K a year.
In the end, I helped her move into her new apartment. Those few weeks were some of the worst I had experienced in a long time.
Am I the jerk for kicking someone out of my house for breaking one of my self-imposed rules even if it wasn’t against the law?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Legal or not, it’s a house rule and you don’t have to house any adult you don’t want. You went above and beyond so are definitely not a jerk. Your “house anyone” may not be the best for your actual family and when you bring flakes into your home, there is a risk to them.” My2Cents_503
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do you even need to ask? You graciously took this woman in and did so much for her: fed her, put a roof over her head, and helped her get a decent job. All you asked in return was for her not to do anything that could have been used against you or your wife in a custody battle, or cause drama.
She did both, then played the victim. It doesn’t matter if what she did wasn’t actually illegal. You specifically said that she could stay if she didn’t do anything that could interfere with custody of your kids. She did exactly what you asked her not to do, then compounded it with social media posts and calls to the police.
I do hope you changed the locks.” MerryMoose923
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not even a little bit. Your home sounds like a beautiful place, and I think it’s wonderful that you and your wife are committed to doing what you can for others. Your house, your rules.
You shouldn’t have to explain why you don’t want certain things done in your house, especially not when you’re giving a huge break to someone. The only response she should have had was to comply or decide to move out.” SthrnGrwnWIRoots
13. AITJ For Standing Up To My Entitled Cousin And His Parents?
“I (21 f) am the oldest out of the grandchildren on my dad’s side, I’m also the only girl. My uncle has two boys, the oldest is 15. My cousins and their parents pick on me every time I see them.
They make comments about me not having my license at 21. They also make comments about how they don’t believe I will finish school on time. These comments really upset me.
For some background, my dad has been my primary parent since I was 10. My mom has really bad substance use issues, I haven’t had a relationship with her since I was 19 (my choice) or any other members of her family.
When I was in middle school I would spend afternoons at their house when my dad was working. I am really appreciative that they helped me and my dad during that hard time. However, ever since I was little they have compared me to their eldest child, especially when it came to academics.
I was a gifted child, I was always in AP classes. I do not think I’m the smartest person alive, but I know that I’m brighter than the average person, and am very grateful that school has come easy for me. They were comparing my AP classes to his elementary GT classes.
I stopped paying attention since it’s ridiculous to compare a 10-year-old to a 16-year-old.
For the past 2-3 years my cousin has been having disciplinary issues. He was “bored” in class so he stopped doing his work. He has failed a multitude of classes, so now he has to do night classes.
He got a diagnosis and was put on meds. He has improved, but he still has an attitude problem. I’ve dealt with depression for the majority of my teenage years and still struggle with it today, so I understand why he may be in a bad mood.
However, his problems go beyond mental health. He’s entitled and thinks he is smarter than everyone else. I’m the first in my family to go to college so he’s made comments about my dad and his parents’ jobs. We both grew up upper middle class, so the comments do not make sense.
We were at a family gathering and he was making comments all night. In between being on his phone all of dinner, he would pop in to add his comments. He ended up throwing a fit, throwing his phone across the room after an argument with his younger brother (the fight was about his attitude), and then storming into his room.
When he emerged he made comments about how I didn’t have my license how he was going to get it before me and how pathetic that was. I told him “People in night school shouldn’t talk”. My aunt got mad at me and told me to stop.
He was going at me all night and all I said was one thing. His parents always defend him no matter what he says. He never has to take accountability. We ended up leaving and my dad made a comment as we left. My grandmother is now mad and thinks I am in the wrong.
I understand I should get my license and am actively working on it. I also understand I am older than him. I am just fed up with his entitled attitude and his parents going along with it. Am I the jerk for standing up for giving his energy back to him?”
Another User Comments:
“What’s the hang-up on the license? Seems like they have some sort of jealousy factor they haven’t worked through. Nonetheless, NTJ. I’m definitely an ‘eye for an eye’ type of person and will throw down on a child, there’s a little jerk who is friends with my kid but always tries to be as obnoxious as possible for attention.
He has it out for me because I’ll do the same things he does right back at him, maybe similar to your situation where the parents always half-measure their response and never do anything meaningful while giving him every excuse in existence. He punched me in the gut today, so I punched him in the arm.
Not maliciously, no injury intent, but didn’t see him for the rest of the day as he went off to terrorize whatever other child instead.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you’re an adult and don’t have to take nonsense from anyone much less a child.
The next time you’re at a family thing the second he starts to say anything, interrupt him with a sharp “That’s enough unless you want all your flaws laid out too.” Use direct eye contact and mean it. If anyone dares to say anything speak up for yourself.
Tell them if they won’t shut him up then you will. And if they have a problem with that then excuse yourself and leave.” AngelzLove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but barely. They all suck, but here’s the thing, you’re the adult now.
You used to both be kids, but 15m and 21F are vastly different maturity levels. You now have to be the bigger person because face it, you’re a kickass adult, and he’s a sweaty, voice-cracking, barely pubescent child with mental health, behavioral, and intelligence issues.” goodbyebluenick
12. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My Ex's Family Unless They Kick Out His Brother?
“I [31F] went to university on the opposite coast from my hometown, met a man, and eventually married him [32M]. Let’s call the ex-husband “Hugh”. He was a good husband, and when our daughter was born, he was a good father.
Until the incident. We were visiting his parents and younger brother, who lives with them. He’ll be Brock [24M]. We were all in the backyard when Brock suddenly turned to me and said, “The truth always comes out sooner or later. I just didn’t expect you to be a disloyal woman.”
I was in shock, I’ve never been disloyal in my life. So I angrily asked what he was talking about. Brock points out my daughter’s hair is coming in, and she’s blonde while my husband and I both have brown hair. I explained that I had blonde hair as a little girl and it got darker.
Brock goes off on this whole rant, claiming tons of women try to pass off another man’s baby as their husband’s. Brock starts telling my husband that “he’s a fool” if he just lets this go. Hugh asks me if it’s true. I tell him it isn’t.
I say that I want to go home. He tells me he doesn’t want a disloyal wife or affair child under his roof, grabs my purse, takes my keys, and just drops my purse on the ground.
I ended up calling a friend who let me stay with her, only to find out Hugh locked me out of our joint bank account.
Thankfully, I was able to call my parents, who got me a plane ticket back to my hometown. I started getting a bunch of hateful messages on social media. Brock in particular said some vile, threatening things about me and my baby.
So, I got myself a divorce lawyer and filed for a paternity test, which proved Hugh was the father.
After he received that news, he started trying to contact me, apologizing and wanting to work things out. As though I’d ever want to be with a man who treated me so horribly. I told him all contact was to go through my lawyer during the case.
It was a long, drawn-out case, but I ended up getting sole custody, due to the combo deal of him throwing me and the baby out onto the street, locking me out of joint bank accounts- unable to buy necessities for the baby, and the threats his brother made.
I sent Hugh photos of our daughter, and I’ve told him he can visit her. He won’t move here and keeps insisting that I move back to his coast, or other sacrifices he expects ME to make to enable him to be a father. Absolutely not.
I now have a better job where I am, and I have my family. I’ve already learned the hard way that his family is willing to destroy my whole life.
The one offer he’s made that I’d consider is that he wants to pay to fly us out to visit him and his family.
I’ve said I will, but only if his parents kick Brock out. He made horrible threats against me and the baby, I don’t want him around us at all. Plus, he was the one who suggested throwing me and the baby out on the street.
It seems fair that the consequences for him are just what he did to us. My parents think I’m too harsh.
AITJ for asking for Brock to be kicked out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but please don’t consider flying out there. Let your ex fly out to see your child if he really wants to.
And then, only under your or third-party supervision. He’s already shown you that he doesn’t care about your child – believe him. You’re better off on your home turf with your supportive family nearby” Princess-She-ra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but why do you want to inconvenience yourself and your child to go to him?
If he wants to visit then he comes to the two of you. He pays for a flight, he pays for a hotel and you meet in a neutral place with your friends or family there to back you up. Don’t entertain going there.
They will gang up on you and could possibly try something sneaky to keep you and the child under their control.” disney_nerd_mom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, silly request though, they are all as bad as the younger brother for not telling him to shut up and get a clue!
Are you sure your ex didn’t ask his brother to initiate that conversation for him? Forget what he and his idiot family want. Were they all too stupid and ignorant to know a lot of brunettes had blonde hair when they were toddlers which darkens as they get older?
That level of stupidity and cruelty don’t deserve to be accommodated.” Accurate-Ad-4905
11. AITJ For Feeling Upset After Friends Ditched Us During A Planned Group Trip?
“My partner and I (25m 25f) had been planning a weeklong friend group trip to a convention with several of our friends for a year. My partner and I put in the most work, finding an Airbnb, putting everyone’s interests together, and getting tickets for everyone for events.
But we always made sure to check with everyone about each of these. Now don’t get me wrong, we did not expect everyone to do the same events or hang out all day every day. I did expect to eat some meals together and to see everyone at a few events we had all agreed to go to.
And everyone seemed excited to get to hang out and have fun together for a whole week.
Two of our friends going A and B (25F 25m), ended up inviting their own friends, to tag along with us. No big deal, I’m always happy to make new friends.
And it wasn’t a big deal until we actually went on this trip. For pretty much the whole Trip, A, B, and their friends avoided us. They canceled their tickets to group events, always managed to get lunch together just before the pre-agreed meetup times for lunch, and would never respond to meet-up questions or offers.
For the first 3 days, I tried really hard to check up and meet up with everyone at least once a day. I would always agree in the morning but then not show up later. They would read the messages in a group chat and still not respond.
It wasn’t even connection issues since they used the chat to meet with each other as well. For the few times both groups were together, A would snap at me and the others, while B and their friends all just played on their phones.
On night three everyone tried to chat with them and ask about how their events were going but we only got flats and awkward silence. After a big awkward night on day 3 everyone else in the group felt defeated and stopped trying as hard, it was decided for us to stop trying so hard.
For the rest of the trip, we stopped using the group chat to meet up and would just call and text each other. It was significantly more fun at the con once we stopped stressing about the other group. And that’s what they really were to us at that point, the other group.
The problem is once we got home I found out through other friends that A and B were super mad that we “ditched” them all week. And that they have been talking trash about me specifically. They won’t even talk to me and my partner now.
I also found out that while they got tickets refunded they ended up spending a couple grand on other events and merchandise. So I don’t think they separated themselves to save money. I told the mutual friends my side, but apparently that made A and B more mad.
There’s some more stuff that happened but that’s the main gist.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100% Would say that was a good riddance if they stop being your friends. Sounds like you tried really hard to help everyone stay in touch, and used the group chat so that no one felt excluded – and that’s not an easy task!
And a very unrewarding one most of the time lol. If they found it hard to reply on time – it’s only decent to at least apologize and explain the reason. Otherwise, that’s just behaving as if they are some sort of special VIP guest that you need to walk on eggshells around, otherwise they will start feeling offended. As if they have done you a favor by granting you a bit of their attention.
Sorry, not sorry – but friendship goes both ways. If only one side wants to hang out, while the other always keeps waiting for you to reach out I would call it an acquaintance at most. And most of all – if they treated you as their friend, they’d not start talking behind your back like that.
You have nothing to apologize for OP.” StickInTheMuddyRoad
10. AITJ For Asking My Dad To Lock My Room To Protect My Belongings?
“I (F15) have two younger siblings, both of whom go into my room and take stuff out and break things.
I have a lock on the outside of my room (my parents never lock me in my room) to stop my brothers going into my room.
However, my father often goes into my room for random stuff (without asking me first) like to listen out for E (youngest brother, 2) when he’s in the bath even though his room is next to the bathroom as well, and to add features to my Alexa, etc.
Whenever he does, he never locks the room behind him. Sometimes he even leaves my door wide open. Every time I notice the door is unlocked, I almost always find stuff is missing or broken. One time the youngest went into my room and found my scented deodorant, and just sprayed the whole thing out and my room was smelling of artificial rose for days.
I’ve occasionally confronted my dad on this, and he always says E wouldn’t take stuff out my room if I tidied my room. And I do have a very messy bedroom, my desk is covered in stuff (I try to keep the floor very tidy) but he acts like the stuff would be inaccessible, and I don’t understand how that would work.
I do very much need to tidy my room, but I don’t have storage units on the ceiling and E can open drawers and climb up shelves.
A week ago, I went on holiday to my grandmothers without the rest of the family. I had locked my room before leaving and I can’t remember correctly but I might have requested no one go into my room whilst I was gone.
When I got home, my room was unlocked, and my brothers toys were all over my room and my nerf gun and one of my stress balls were found downstairs, and half of my favourite fancy pencil sharpener was missing and I saw a text from my dad saying he had slept in my bed when he wasn’t wanting to sleep with my stepmom (we have a guest room)
I was really annoyed, but this morning, I politely asked him if he can please get in the habit of locking my room when he leaves it, and he started shouting very loudly at the top of his voice that there wouldn’t be stuff missing if my messy desk was tidy, and if I don’t stop being a stupid little girl he’s not going to lock my room.
He was stomping around and everything.
I know I need to tidy my room, but it’s one of those things I find very overwhelming and difficult to do, whilst locking my room is something really basic and doesn’t even take two seconds.
Whilst I was typing this all out my dad sent an extremely long text explaining how I need to welcome E into my room at all times and make my private space a safe space for the entire family that anyone can come into at all times and play around.
My brothers have their own bedroom and a playroom, and a living room full of toys, and I’m sick of not being allowed privacy in my own room and being painted as a horrible sister for not wanting small children in my room.
I should probably note that both me and my father are autistic and have ADHD.”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Your bedroom is your space, you have explained the situation, provided solutions and your wishes aren’t being met. Is there someone with influence over your Dad you could speak to who could help him understand?
Or can you change the lock / take his key? I really hope you are able to resolve this OP!” Sleepy_Nashira
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I (60F) had two kids that are now in their 20s (boy was 3 yrs younger than girl). They were not allowed in each other’s rooms and if they broke something I’d scold them, but generally speaking they didn’t because they weren’t allowed in there.
They played in the play room or their own room or outside. I suggest buying a new lock and putting it on your door when you leave. Your dad should be standing up for you, not sleeping in your bed (that’s so weird) and letting younger siblings play in there.
They have their own room and a play room!” HorseygirlWH
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad has no respect for you or your privacy. Is your mom around? Would she be able to have a word with your dad (or set him straight and tell your brothers off for being in your room when they shouldn’t be).
The issue here is not your desk being untidy. The issue here is the blatant lack of respect and privacy that your dad and brothers are showing you and a lack of discipline on your dad’s part. Why is your dad unwilling to punish your brothers for going into your room when they aren’t allowed and for breaking your things but you are getting yelled at for an untidy desk?
A tidy desk will not resolve the issue. It will just make it easier for everyone to find and break your things. If mom can’t help you, and dad won’t help you. Ask your grandparents if you can stay with them for a little while.
Take all of your things with you.” ConfusionPossible590
9. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Leave Because She Was Disruptive?
“Jenna and I were roommates in the third year of college.
Though she is a year junior, we instantly bonded over our shared love for literature, politics, and movies. She was one of my best friends and we were extremely close.
In the fourth year of college, we did not get a room together because they assigned final-year students to a different floor.
She hated her new roommate. While Jenna’s roommate was definitely annoying in a lot of ways, Jenna did a lot of things to also make the stay more unpleasant by being unnecessarily mean to her like playing music out loud when the girl tried to study in the room or being extremely particular about her things and confronting her if she thought something was amiss.
Also, because of my workload, we could not hang out as we used to before. Sometimes, she would be dismissive of all the work I had to complete and act like I was overdoing it.
Once she was telling me about how it was becoming really difficult being around her roommate and since my roommate was away, I checked in with my roommate if J could stay in our room for the time she was away.
She agreed and I asked J to come and stay with me. But the following week, I also had a major submission for which another friend and I were working on. The whole time we were working on the submission, J was watching some videos and laughing.
I found it extremely annoying, but I did not say anything at that point. I told her that I would have to wake up early the next day and continue working in the morning, but she continued to watch her videos and laugh. I slept somehow and I got up early in the morning.
I turned on the lights in the room to work and she started to groan in irritation and continued making noises to express her displeasure. At this point, I was really annoyed at how unfair she was being. I told her in a bit of a stern voice, “If you are uncomfortable, you can go sleep in your room for now.” She got up in haste, gathered all her things, her books, and her laptop, and left in a huff leaving my door wide open.
She had sent me this message saying that she would never bother me again and she was sorry for all the trouble. I wrote back saying I was sorry if I had hurt her, and she was welcome in my room anytime. I asked her if she had eaten, and she had not.
I asked her to join me for lunch. As we were discussing this incident, I told her that the way she was behaving at night and today morning irritated me. But she seemed to take no account of any of that and continued to dismiss it as if it were nothing whereas I continued to apologize for making her feel bad.
She did not stay over that night. She stopped hanging out with me as much. Then she wrote this vindictive poem on her page describing this incident which ended by saying “Sorry this can never go back to how it was.” I knew it was about me instantly but said nothing because a part of me felt like I deserved it for hurting her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just what else were you supposed to do? Turn off your lights and stop working on the stuff that needs to be done. She’s been the annoying one and you’ve been the one trying to get your schoolwork finished. Why were you the one apologizing?” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s being petty and overdramatic. If she can’t accept that your action was a reaction to how she was treating you then good riddance. She literally does the same thing to her roommates yet now she hates when you dish out the same method.
You’re helping her out by letting her stay but she can’t be considerate and turns it around to make YOU feel like you deserve her cold shoulder. She’s the jerk.” kryptonitexo
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You could have asked her to turn the volume down so you could focus and could have been more accommodating to her complaints about the light.
She also should have been more aware of the noise she was making and turned it down herself, but again, you never asked or mentioned it to her.” deleted-user-12
8. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Father Live In The House I Inherited From My Mother?
“My (40M) mother (77F) passed away last year (not unexpected, due to cancer), and I inherited a three-family home where she and two families of tenants live(d).
She split up with my father (73M) about 25 years ago, and the home was a big source of conflict then. My mother paid quite some money back then to get my father out, I can’t tell if this was a reasonable amount, the views of both sides differ vastly of course.
Regardless of whether it was reasonable, the result was that my mother was quite short on money for the next ~10 years and had to cut back on a lot of things.
My father married a woman (67F) he was together with for at least 15 years two years ago and only told me this recently.
My mother never forgave my father about the house, and a few months before she passed away she had a talk to me that she would in no circumstances want my father to live in the house after she is gone. I told her I would respect that.
Literally one week after my mother passed away, my father asked me if I could imagine them living in her home. They had some problems with their landlord who was pestering them to get out. There is nothing the landlord can do legally to get rid of them, and my father said he doesn’t really care but his partner can’t stand the pestering.
I said no and that I was not in a state to discuss this before my mother was even buried. A few days later when we were having dinner he started again in a roundabout way and I blocked him off.
Sometime after the funeral, he started again with the topic, I told him that right now I don’t want to break my promise to my mother, it might change in the future, but he should not count on that.
We agreed that they would look for a new place to rent (it is currently very hard). I later found out they never started to look then.
Sometime later, he asked me if I could lend them money as equity so they could buy a house.
I have already lent him some money (about 16k), so I was skeptical about how they would want to finance a house if they are already short on money renting right now, as a loan is certainly more expensive.
There were some more discussions with him and his wife, where I also found out that he was not even honest with the money I lent him so far, he had told me it was mainly for his partner/wife, but she didn’t even know anything about it.
Also, he had told me he would pay me back once his retirement provision would pay out. It seems that already happened and he just spent that money. They also told me about their combined income which is not that low (when we talked about financing a home), but they are constantly struggling with money.
I tried to help with finding a new place to rent, I gave some tips in the beginning on how to use the online portals, etc., set up some search agents, and so on, but at some point after I asked how it was going my father snapped and told me he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, so I don’t.
AITJ for not helping more, in whatever way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are respecting your mother’s wishes. However, your father will continue to pester, manipulate, and guilt you until either he passes away or you give in. DON’T GIVE IN. Your father is also an adult and should finance his own living quarters.
Do not give him any more money. He is not responsible for it. You will not see any of the money you already lent him. Stop throwing good money after bad. And certainly, don’t co-sign anything for him.” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Cut him off You owe your mother everything you have and she made her wishes abundantly clear for a reason.
Your father sounds like a complete jerk and I’d cut him off hard. I wouldn’t talk to him again, or interact with him in any way until he paid me back the 16k and I wouldn’t loan him a penny after. You’re being too nice – this jerk used and screwed over your mother and now he’s trying to use you and screw you over.
Grow a pair and tell him to F.O.” Independent_Tie_4984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Stop…his rhetoric is nauseating. Distance yourself from him. He lies to you consistently and repeatedly. Of course he snapped at you because he’s not getting his way and it is their decisions that cause them to struggle with money.
You are not on this earth to fix this nor solve his housing issue. He lacks sincerity when he’s not lying. He is not interested in your greater good. Your mom’s promise is also a warning; your father is only looking out for his personal gain.
He did not have the decency to inquire about your house before you buried your mom. Make firm boundaries and do not relent. Also put in writing who is to inherent your home. Best to you.” DesertSong-LaLa
7. AITJ For Playing Video Games While My Wife Works From Home?
“I am a Police officer. I work shift work which usually means my days off are during the week, these can be 4-5 days at a time. I also earn 5-6 weeks of leave a year, which I have been forced to take whilst I am writing this.
My wife works the usual 9-5. Her workplace is a 20-minute drive from home. Until recently, she has worked from home 1 day a week, however, she has recently requested to work from home 2 days a week. Both our desktop computers are set up in the one small office.
I’m not much of a gamer, but if I want to spend time with mates, it’s usually the most effective way to communicate with them regularly. I’m also a bit funny in the head from work, so time with mates is beneficial to my head noises.
For the first time in 3 months, I wanted to play an online game with friends, this falls on a day when my wife is working from home. I was trying my best to speak quietly, and not laugh or shout. I would only talk when it related to in-game stuff.
Like, ‘ Clear over here’, ‘ I can take a look first’, ‘Hold up’.
My wife would tell me if she needed to make a phone call, and I wouldn’t talk at all during these minutes, and she would tell me when she finished. I played the game for about 1.5 hours and decided to take a break and then she started telling me I had pushed her to the edge, and that I had annoyed her to no end.
Started yelling at me for playing a game. My stance is that this is my leave, I earned it, I rarely ever get to play games with a group of friends, and it’s the social aspect that I enjoy. I made a bunch of concessions such as limiting my amount and volume of speech, which meant I wasn’t fully involved in conversations and my friends thought that I was upset/depressed by my lack of involvement.
Her stance is that she is working from home, she shouldn’t have to deal with me wanting to “play games” when she has to work. She’s upset that I am doing fun things when she isn’t allowed to. She says I should just play a single-player game or watch a show.
She says that if I am in that room, I am to be completely silent.
My rebuttal is that she has an office. She chooses to work from home as a luxury, and by doing so she’s putting me out and restricting what I am doing in my free time all because she wants to work from home.
I had also spent a decent amount of time cleaning the house too, washed and cleaned the kitchen, and all the mess and clutter she left from making breakfast. I vacuumed the downstairs living area, and put away all her craft stuff she left out from 2 days prior, specifically so I wouldn’t have anything to do when everyone jumped online.
She also works from a laptop and could choose to work from any other room if she needs to.
It’s very rare that my group of mates are available at one time to play games and given I have earned this leave, I should be able to use it for fun activities.
Am I the jerk for wanting to play video games with friends online, while my wife works from home?”
Another User Comments:
“Our arrangement at home is…if one of us is working, the study is off limits. No discussion. It doesn’t matter if I’m on holiday or not.
It also doesn’t matter why she wants to work from home for those 2 days – maybe she just wants to take a break in peace during the workday. Respectfully, you’re sounding like a teenage boy; *it’s MY holiday and I want to play games with my friends NOW*.
Cool. I want Harry Styles to serenade me while I accept a 20-million-dollar lottery win. C’est la vie.” friedonionscent
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ. Yes, it’s your time off, but it’s not her time off. If you wanted her to go to the office you should have said something before.
She also works 2 days a week from home. you have a whole 5 other days to play games in that room. You KNOW when she’s working from home or in the office, you can make the adult choice to not mess with her job as you wouldn’t want her to mess with yours and either move the PC or… Wait until she’s done/at the office.
Compromise man. You might have earned your break, but you didn’t earn the right to mess with your wife’s work schedule at the same time. You’re supposed to be partners. Act like it.” After_Kangaroo_
Another User Comments:
“I think your wife is very frustrated that she would also like to enjoy more free time.
The home office is better because you can easily do more around the house and have more peace. Instead of saying she has a laptop and can work from anywhere else, why not talk to her to create a better working space for her somewhere else in the house?
I understand both perspectives and none of you are the jerk. It’s a mild understanding and you both can find solutions to the problem.” crumpana
6. AITJ For Leaving My Financially Irresponsible Family And Starting A Life On My Own?
“So what happened is I have always been the responsible kid in the family, the child they always say is going to be the best and most responsible. My brother began a career but dropped out in the 8th semester to pursue music and create a dispatch company.
My mother does not work (and refuses to) because she always took care of me, and my health issues and my father is an absent parent who sent the bare minimum (I’m talking 70 dollars for 3 people to survive for 15 days).
As years passed by my mother and I always tried to be as close as ever to support each other since my brother had accumulated more than 50 thousand dollars in lost money due to “investments”.
My father stole some money from me (his company had us register for some extra money benefits due to my health issues) and as time passed by I got more and more fed up with this. I began a career but dropped out very young because I just could not afford it.
I worked with my brother for some time and he treated me quite badly quoting “You are just a kid who does not know how life is and has to grow up” when I did all the marketing, accounting, and also production duties (this is all under paper) and he paid me half the minimum legal payment for all I did.
My dad kept taking money from me until one day he said he’d stop sending money because I was working. I got mad for the other money he took which at this point was around 6.5 thousand dollars and here is where I cracked because my mother, who was supposedly always working with me for us two, supported him.
Time passed by and I became quite economically good. I can party when I want and save for the things I like, I have a job I love and if they fire me I know I can find another good job quickly. At this point I was living with my mother only, my father was completely detached from the family and my brother moved in with his wife who is the type to not have food on the fridge (this literally happened) and buy a 200 pair of shoes.
Long story short, my mother began buying expensive food, making big and eccentric dinners and lunches and I began acquiring debt. Also, my brother who owed me like 2 thousand dollars (on investments and accessories like shoes and clothes) was broke and could not eat so I began lending money because I felt bad for him (of course my mother pushed me to help him).
In the end, I was broke, and could not go out for months because I did not have a dollar (I have very supportive friends and they took me out now and then but I’m too young so they are not that money-gifted as well) and food was running out.
I exploded, left my mother an apartment for her to rent rooms and survive with that, completely cut out my brother, and rented a room away. I barely speak to her, almost never to my brother and never to my father.
AITJ for leaving my mother to her luck on an apartment, my brother to his luck with a crazy wife and not even knowing about my father and younger step-sister?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you should have cut them out sooner tho. Enjoy freedom!” MagikTheMage
5. AITJ For Choosing To Attend My Ex's Wedding Over My Partner's Graduation?
“So I (f27) have been seeing my partner A (f26) for about a year, she is all I could have ever asked for in a partner and I love her but she is the jealous type, after about a month of seeing each other she met my best friend who happens to also be my ex I’ll call her S (f27).
Backstory, me and S met when we were really young because our moms were family friends,S and I were really close, she saw a lot of people in high school but I never really liked anyone, I eventually found I had a crush on S around the time we were 16, I never did anything about it till she said she was bi and had a crush on me about two years later and we finally started seeing each other.
S and I were together for 3 years and the split was mutual, we just fell out of love with each other but we stayed close friends since then and I consider her to be my best friend.
When I first started seeing A I told her from the start that I had been with S and that because we had just started seeing each other she would come first in our relationship since we had been childhood friends, A seemed perfectly fine with this and said she understood because we were only about three weeks into our relationship, but since we have gotten more serious she has made some comments about how I and S are too close.
A has been going back to school to get her degree in psychology after she dropped out in her first year, I am so proud of her and really excited that she finally can get a career she enjoys. S and L have been engaged for a year and I am helping them plan their dream wedding in which I will be the maid of honor.
The wedding invitations got mailed and the wedding will be happening the day after A’s graduation but since it’s a destination wedding I would have to go a couple of days before to set everything up and help the bride, A was also invited to the wedding but declined the invitation because she didn’t want to miss her graduation.
On Wednesday I was packing my bag to go to the wedding A walked in and asked what I was packing for and I told her that I was packing for the wedding, A blew up and started yelling at me about how I could miss her graduation and miss her finally getting her dream for my ex partner, I told her that S isn’t just my ex-partner but that she’s my childhood best friend and she had no right to speak of her that way after she had been civil to her, A began crying and went into the bathroom and I could hear crying but she wouldn’t come out after I tried apologizing for yelling.
When A finally got out of the bathroom she apologized and thanked me for staying here and going to her graduation instead of S’s wedding, I said I was still going but was sorry for yelling at her before, she called me a selfish jerk and ran into our room, I’m writing this from the couch.”
Another User Comments:
“The more I think about this the more I think YTJ. It sounds like you and your partner are on different pages. Your partner of course expects you to go to her graduation. You want to go to your friend’s wedding. You’ve made clear to your partner who comes first in your life, and it isn’t her.
She’s all you could want in a partner, but what about what she wants? She wants someone who’ll prioritize her and be there on her big day. It sounds like there’s been no discussion at all and you automatically put your ex first and assumed your current partner knew and understood this would be happening.
That’s fine after three weeks but after a year? That’s not fair. If she’s not and will never be the person you put first you should end it and give her the chance to find someone who will.” MoogOfTheWisp
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not making it clear to your partner that you were going to the wedding and not the graduation.
It shouldn’t have been a surprise to her that you were going away. Also YTJ for not trying to find a compromise. You didn’t HAVE to be maid of honor. You probably could have made both events work if you didn’t insist on helping set up days ahead of time.
It sounds like graduation was on the calendar before the wedding, so you should have made the wedding work AROUND your prior commitment.” SneakySneakySquirrel
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re in a relationship with A, not your EX so you need to get your priorities straight meaning you abstain from the wedding for your partner’s graduation period.
Based on your partner’s reaction and how you have described her leads me to believe that she’s not jealous she’s fed up with constantly being put into second place to an EX. If you’re going to the wedding I would strongly recommend you break up with her so she can find someone who will actually put her in first place for once and you get outta the seeing each other game altogether since you refuse to stop putting your EX as number ONE.” devilfanmik
4. AITJ For Not Inviting My Fiancé's Successful Friend To Our Wedding?
“My fiancé (35M) and I (30F) are getting married next year. We have sent out the invitations to our friends and family.
My fiancé, Wil, has a friend.
Let’s call him Ren (35M). Ren is married to Helga (35F). All 3 of them went to the same high school together so they have known each other for more than 20 years and are pretty close.
Now the part where I may or may not be the jerk…
I dislike Helga. Not for any bad reason, but only for the fact that I always think my fiancé Wil, would have liked it if I would be as successful and financially literate as Helga. In short, I fall short in comparison to this lady.
Helga is from a poor family and she has clawed her way up.
I have made a few bad financial decisions before that have caused a few problems along the way. Yes, bad debts, credit cards, and the like. Wil has been very supportive of me trying to make these problems go away by teaching me how to better handle my finances.
I am still a work in progress but I do my best. I am getting there.
Helga on the other hand, is a career woman, and I can tell she calls the shots in her marriage. She is frugal which may be the reason why she and R own several investment homes and a few stocks here and there at our age.
I know this because Wil has asked them for financial advice sometimes. I am very happy for Wil to have friends like them who are successful and someone he can look up to.
The reason why I don’t want to invite Helga is because I am uncomfortable that she may be judging us at our wedding.
I admit that we may have overspent on our wedding budget. We have had help from our parents but we still ended up borrowing to finance the rest of the expenses. Ren and Helga know this because we have borrowed a portion of the money from them.
We will pay of course.
Wil thinks I’m crazy that I would prohibit him from inviting R’s wife who also happens to be his friend. He reminded me that these were the 2 people who have actually saved us both a couple of times by letting us borrow money when we were tight and for offering their home to us when we were kicked out of our rental a few years ago.
My reason for not inviting her is I want to be comfortable at my wedding. Not having to worry about other people judging my financial decisions. Plus, Helga and I never really vibe. She is too different. Not in a snobby kind of way but we just don’t have anything in common.
She owns expensive things and I feel like she’s showing it off whenever we are invited to their place. To be clear, she has not said anything about my bad financial decisions, it’s just a feeling based on the fact that she is thrifty and that she would be against this type of spending.
Long story short, Ren has RSVP’d “no” to the wedding (I knew he wouldn’t go anywhere without his wife). He has respectfully declined. Now my fiancé thinks that their friendship will never be the same again after this.
I say it’s my wedding and I should have a say on who gets invited. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So you just sabotaged both your husband’s friendship and ostracised a couple that have helped you several times, including with your wedding… because of your insecurity. Yeah, you’re starting your marriage by making whole new mistakes. YTJ and a shameless one at that.” NatashOverWorld
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it is both of your weddings and you both have a say. You have no legitimate reason not to invite Helga. Your fiance should be having second thoughts about you. And you borrowed money from Helga for the wedding and did not invite her?
Are you for real?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ so massively. This woman has done nothing to you except be smart and successful and kind to you by lending you money. You continue to make bad financial decisions, such as borrowing money for a wedding you can’t afford because of your need to feel special. Meanwhile, it’s your fiancé’s wedding too and instead of welcoming his oldest friends, you’ve managed to alienate his friends and destroy that.
Why is he marrying you?” mocktailqueen
3. AITJ For Leaving My Abusive Parents And Cutting Contact With Them?
“I (23F) lived with my parents and 2 younger siblings (currently 14 and 19) up until 08/2020. I thought I was happy growing up but I realized I was just completely numb. I raised my youngest brother from birth since the age of 8 because my mother had a c-section and my father was focused on growing the new business.
My mother left me to take care of him fully. After raising him by myself, he slept in my bed until he was 11 years old.
When I turned 11 years old, my parents asked me to help them in their clothing business at home since they couldn’t afford workers.
Over the years I did more and more of the work and every chore after school while my mother slept the whole day. As I became a teen, I had to pull all-nighters in order to complete rushed jobs because we were living paycheck to paycheck (my mother bought KFC twice a day).
So I started skipping school to work at home. They didn’t care because I did well anyway. I never got to hang out with friends or cousins because I had to work and they would guilt me into staying home. I wasn’t allowed to go to college but I got 2 jobs in 2018 because they said I was 18 and if I didn’t bring in money for them I had to live somewhere else.
Every dollar went to them and after I came home from work I had to work all night, take a 2 hr nap, and start again. They had horrible credit so they begged me to lease a truck for them. I also made business deals for them in my name.
Fast forward to 2020, I met my SO and we got married after only 2 months of seeing each other because my mother pushed us to do so(we are eternally grateful). After he moved into our house, he started paying for a lot of stuff for the family.
But when he started running out of money, they forced him to sell his car so they could buy a boat. He started letting me know that certain things they did were wrong. For eg. if I didn’t work hard enough that day, I wouldn’t get a steak like everyone else, I had to eat chicken legs and whatever else was left and I couldn’t sleep until I was done.
I thought this was normal for everyone. There’s a lot more but it’s too much. After things got tense because of money and I began to say no, things got worse. While my SO wasn’t home, my mother would yell at me and say the most hurtful things while my dad cursed at me.
I never responded back. She even crashed the truck and had me put the accident in my name because I had accident forgiveness but it upped my premium.
My husband said we needed to get out of there and we moved. I had to take the truck because they stopped paying and only paid enough so it wouldn’t get repoed. She proceeded to do petty things to attack me but she made my brothers block me and that hurt the most.
After letting it go, I immediately found peace and my husband and I are doing great in life.
She recently tried to message me through my brother using god saying I need to let go of hate and unforgiveness. I’m just ignoring as she’s constantly messaging about coming to church.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents sound completely abusive. You really need to stay away from them. Perhaps contact children’s services if you’re worried about your brother. They have totally controlled you, destroying your childhood. There is no excuse for this. I recommend trying to connect to your siblings but stay zero contact with your parents.
It’s not you, they want a relationship with. They miss your free labor and having the ability to control you. Go and live YOUR life and leave that toxic waste dump of a family home in the rearview mirror.” Kimberlashes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- not even a little bit.
I had a similar home life before I escaped. I had to leave my beloved relatives at home because I couldn’t take them with me and I couldn’t take care of them. I had to ask them if it was okay to leave them. They were like do what you got to.
I had I stayed there. I would have been slowly worked to death. I was parentified, while my independence was kept away from me. I want to see something where a teacher asks the students. What did they want to do? A lot of people said save the world.
He reminded them it’s okay to save themselves” PicklesMcpickle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Whatever the opposite of a jerk is, that’s what you are. Well done on escaping the mistreatment, OP. I know you feel for your brothers but your parents are counting on that to lure you back.
Don’t fall for it. You can be ready to help your brothers when it’s their turn to escape, but only if you feel you are able. You have done enough for them and given enough of yourself to them to last several lifetimes.
Call CPS if you expect the mistreatment is continue with your brothers. I wish you and your husband nothing but happiness.” embopbopbopdoowop
2. AITJ For Wanting To Change My Last Name After My Adoptive Father's Death?
“I am a 30 y/o man who was adopted by a gay couple when I was born. I loved my Pop (P) and Dad (D) and we were a relatively happy family with pretty close connections to our extended family.
I lost D to cancer at 13 and even up until he died we had a great relationship. P on the other hand, was a classic helicopter parent who used his degree in psychology to be emotionally manipulative and financially abusive to me (and later to his partners).
Almost a year ago, P died due to complications. Never having been a fan of my name (first name) and wanting to make a change for my future, I decided that I would legally change my first and last name, my first name to a nickname I had since middle school and one I created, and my last name to something that I thought was positive and gave power to forging ahead with my future.
After P’s funeral, my extended family from P’s side went radio silent, not wanting to keep up communication and even refusing to meet with P’s former partner when he tried to give sentimental memorabilia. D’s side however reached out to help us when it was time to move, and received a lot of nice gifts from around the house before the estate sale.
My last major communication with anyone from D’s side was My aunt K (D’s older sister) blowing up at my father’s partner (J) and me for not being near the house to give her a tapestry she wanted. To be fair, I was in a few towns attempting to find a new place to live.
J was close (relatively) and asked her to wait 30 min, which she refused. She did not contact us, did not schedule a time, nothing. She was getting a free (pricy) gift and was being mean about it. It made me feel like they were helping but stopped when they got all they could from me.
Well, dear reader, 4 months have passed and I get a message from my cousin Sally (S. Also not her real name) and the daughter of Aunt K. She had heard about my plan to change my name and said that I was selfish for abandoning the Sanchez last name (note, this is not our last name).
She told me that D was a completely selfless man, honorable and true (completely unlike P), and that she felt hurt that I would say they abandoned me like P’s side did. She was saying that I was selfish for taking away the name that D had, even though I’d be the only one to carry the torch.
Besides that, I’m gay, and am not exactly fond of children so the bloodline will more than likely end with me. I told her that I was making a change for my future after P spent so much of my life dictating my life and having almost complete control over it.
I told her it was my life and my name, and I honored D not with my name but by being an honorable person. I told her that I was still part of the family even if I carried a different name. I’m just tired of living my life for others and not living for myself.
Still, I have to wonder. AITJ For wanting to change my last name and start fresh?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You can change your name and still honor D in your own way. Your aunt and cousin don’t get to guilt trip you or manipulate you.
If anything it just sounds like she’s just upset over not getting the tapestry. Your aunt talks big about how much D was a great man. But how often did she say that to D directly? (I’m just saying with my own extended family, I’ve noticed if someone important passes on, then an extended family member will say nice things about the family member who passed away.
But when that same family member was alive and well, the extended family would never even bother to drop a line or say the same thing directly to that family member. )” SpeedBlitzX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I admit at the point where you got up to father’s partner J, I was losing track of who everyone was and who was the partner of whom and who was the father of whom, and what everyone’s grievance was.
But it doesn’t matter. Your central issue is that you want to change your name to something that better reflects who you are and the life you want to live, and Cousin Sally is suggesting you’re a jerk because of that. You are not. You can change your name for any darn reason you want, and it doesn’t mean you are “abandoning” anything.
Think of it like this. Imagine you had lots of people in your life whom you loved dearly, who had helped make you the person you are. Suppose you had biological parents and adoptive parents and step-parents older brothers and uncles and aunts and cousins and even mentors you’re not related to, such as teachers.
Suppose you counted them up and there were a dozen such people, and you wanted to honor them all. Well, you can’t take on twelve surnames, can you? So you have to find a different way of honoring them. Choosing one name (whether it belongs to any of the people you love or not) doesn’t mean you’re rejecting all the people who helped make you what you are.
Consider, too, actors who change their names for professional reasons, often to avoid confusion with another actor who has the same name. I doubt their families are angry with them for “abandoning” the family name. I doubt the family of David McDonald love him any less because he ditched the name McDonald and became David Tennant.
I honor D not with my name but by being an honorable person. Darn right.” ThisWillAgeWell
1. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Nieces In An Unsafe Environment?
“To start I want to say that my brother and I have a strange relationship. He is 8 years older than me and after our parents passed away, he interacts with me more like a boss or an authoritative parent, than a sibling.
So he calls me short notice today because he needs a babysitter tomorrow.
Something unexpected happened and his wife’s ex did not pick up his daughters as planned. Well, they have concert tickets tomorrow and need someone to babysit their two daughters, 8 and 11. I’ve babysat them before, they’re nice children. It wouldn’t be a problem on another day.
But my fiance has a social event tomorrow he can’t get out of. And I have a 2.5-year-old toddler. So I would need to go and sleep at their house with my toddler for it to work.
I went over it and I don’t think that my toddler can sleep there while I watch the other two children.
The child room has a bunk bed with a ladder, the other room is not baby-safe and has all the toys, projects, school stuff of the children. There are no locks on the door. They are renovating, so directly in front of the room of the children there is a staircase with no rails.
There is no baby phone. I can’t leave her alone in the room. How can I babysit other children if I can’t leave the room when my daughter sleeps in? No way the other children will go to bed at 8. I explained to my brother that I don’t feel comfortable babysitting.
Now I am house sitting in his home in a few weeks to look after the dogs. He causality mentioned I can sleep over at his house during the time if I want. I said yeah, sure. I did not really think much about it.
His dogs can stay alone overnight, the suggestion to sleep over was a side mention months ago. Well, my brother calls again after I refused to babysit. He said, since I can’t sleep over tomorrow I probably can’t look after his house too. I point out that sleeping in the house is not required to look after the dogs.
The fact that I considered it was not under assessing the concrete circumstances.
He pushes further. Hypothetically, what if his wife’s ex cancels to look after the children while I have to take care of the dogs (they are planning to go on a vacation in the time).
Will I be able to also take care of the two children in the time period? This has never come up before. I was put on the spot with a “yes” or “no” answer. Well, if I can’t do it, he has to fly his father in from abroad to do it.
I felt he is manipulating, trying to force an answer he wants out of me. This has happened many times before. Him leading the conversation however way he wants. I said no. I can’t guarantee that I will be in the house 100% of the time.
He was mad. Saying that he hopes I feel like he feels right now someday. That if I, god forbid, have an emergency, he might not be there to help. I felt horrible.
Under normal circumstances, if he asked me this, without trying to manipulate me first I would agree.
He never even addressed the point I had about his house not being babyproof.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you said no, it’s not an emergency so they need to plan accordingly. You both have children and their needs come first. If your brother and his wife have to miss a social event because they can’t find a babysitter that’s on them.
You also have the right to say no if circumstances don’t work for you.” Appropriate_Cry3114
Another User Comments:
“NTJ do you think he was sneakily planning all along to spring you also minding his two stepdaughters along with the dogs while he and his wife go on vacation?
It seems a really bizarre stretch for you to agree to look after dogs and then he gets all antsy that you aren’t staying the night to look after the dogs because what if you also need to look after the kids? Is this the kind of switcheroo he’s likely to play?
Too gutless to ask you to look after the dogs AND the kids but at the 11th hour spring the kids on you too when you feel you can’t say no?” pixie-ann
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother seems to expect you to be available to take care of whatever he assigns you whenever he assigns you without caring about your situation and concerns.
He’s not your boss and you do not owe him obedience. Sorry if he does not like that but that is how it needs to be. It’s fine for him to ask you for favors and it’s fine, if you can’t manage what he asks, that you tell him no. Let him rant and pout all he wants.
He’s clearly only thinking of himself and his concerns, not yours.” Realistic_Head4279
