People Get Overly Suspicious In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Leaving My Family's Overwhelming Responsibilities To Pursue My Own Career?
“I (23 F) just got my very first job as a full English receptionist (My country is a French country in West Africa).
Though I’m extremely proud of myself and excited to start, I feel like I have done something wrong…
For context, up until now, I had always lived with my parents. They were always strict, especially my mom, so I kind of grew up in a very sheltered and studious bubble.
When I was 18 and moved out for my studies, I went crazy with freedom and got a baby girl. She’s now 4 years old, and after the initial anger and confusion, everyone in my family loves her eternally.
Since I got pregnant, my mom got fired from a high-paying job, and after getting so much money from it, she decided to start a business.
I won’t be too specific about it. But of course, this business can’t give the family the same status we had before. So we don’t have a cleaning lady coming in every day anymore. Ever since, I’ve been the cleaning lady responsible for everything—from food, cleaning, laundry, and dishes, to the point that a cup of milk can stay on a table for a week and end up with worms if I don’t pick it up.
More than that, I have been doing all the business administrative work, acting as an accountant, assistant, product maker, and handling marketing and sales, etc. I also have siblings who are 10 years younger than me, and throughout the years, I have also been responsible for their lives, basically.
This situation had me so stressed and depressed because I had no social life outside of Reddit and Twitter. I was living like a stay-at-home mom but also as a full-time worker inside the house 24/7.
I was finally linked by a Twitter friend to a new job.
The pay isn’t great, but at least it was a salaried job away from home—about one hour away. When I shared the news with my mom, she seemed… upset? I don’t know; she congratulated me in a very off way, then proceeded to tell me how I needed to put the house back in shape and clean it before going to my new job.
She reminds me every day of how I’m going to leave her with all the work of the house and the kids to handle alone.
I know there’s so much work, but am I wrong for wanting a bit of freedom and another career? AITJ if I leave for my own good?
AITJ for finding a job?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I grew up in a family business, and while I learned a lot from it, I definitely felt a bit press-ganged into it as a kid and obligated to do a lot more than I would otherwise have for the amount of money I got out of it… I made my own career as an adult and am much happier and more prosperous for it.
My parents were a little bit sad when I moved out and onward, but they understood. It sounds like your mom is putting a lot of pressure and responsibility on you without really offering much in return. If you leave, it’s going to require her to spend what all of that labor is actually worth—probably on multiple employees, given the range of tasks you’re describing.
That might not be compatible with the amount of cash flow the business can actually generate… But that is not your problem; you need to live your own life.” ardent-gleaner
Another User Comments:
“Congratulations on your new job! Go for it and do best by you and your baby girl!
Your mum has, in a way, been taking advantage and knows that her ride is coming to an end. She will be grumpy because she will have to manage her own responsibilities again rather than fobbing them off on you, but she will cope! Your priority is you and your baby girl.
I wish you all the best! NTJ x” plainsailinguk
Another User Comments:
“Your mom chose to have kids. They are her responsibility, not yours. If Mom can’t handle it, she shouldn’t have had so many kids. You are not their mother, nor are you a paid babysitter/cleaning lady.
Your mom is trying to make you feel guilty. Don’t. She should feel guilty for making you do all of the things you do. You are NTJ. Good luck with the job, and don’t worry about leaving the nest.” NOTTHATKAREN1
22. AITJ For Demanding Accountability From A Friend Who Gaslights And Gives Weak Apologies?
“My friend of several years and I were meeting at a restaurant, and afterwards I was treating her to a weekend getaway at a hotel, including all transportation. I have done this for her many times, and never expected anything in return. When she arrived at the restaurant (late as per usual), she called to tell me a long story that she was having trouble with her credit card at the parking meters.
As I was trying to explain what I had to do with my parking meter, she angrily cut me off and stated in no uncertain terms “If I have to walk around this parking lot for a meter, I am just going to go home!” I was shocked and speechless.
I calmly responded “I don’t know what to say.” I truly was taken aback by her anger. She then left and went home, leaving me to spend the weekend alone.
I had always been the one to call her, but I decided she needed a cooling-off period, and I needed an apology.
She waited 2.5 weeks before texting me all “flowers and kittens”, acting as if nothing had happened. I called her out on her anger and told her I had quietly been waiting for an apology, to which she responded with a very long denial, insisting three times that she hadn’t responded angrily and that she was just frustrated (Potato, Potatto).
She said that neither of us had anything to apologize for, then said that I just must have been going through something, and she couldn’t understand where I got the idea that she was angry. She then blamed me for not coming to her rescue and not offering to meet somewhere else, insinuating that she was inconvenienced because she had packed her things and driven over to meet me.
I called her out again, telling her I wasn’t to blame for anything and refreshed her fuzzy memory about what actually happened.
Crickets. Four days later she texted “I apologize for whatever inconvenience I may have caused you.” I called her out again for the weak and insincere apology that indicated she refused to accept responsibility for the anger she wrongly took out on me.
I also told her that blaming me and saying that I must have been going through something amounted to gaslighting me, which was just salt on the wound. Am I wrong for wanting an apology for the misdirected anger and gaslighting? Or, has the friendship run its course?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her apology was a nonapology which is actually worse. It was a full on screw you apology. I’ve had friends like this and honestly the best thing to do is show them that you won’t be treated like that. I would just block her, arguing is pointless, and you won’t get the closure or accountability from her.
She’s had every opportunity to just take accountability and apologize. She didn’t. In fact, she doubled down with her crap version of an apology. Access to you is a privilege, not a right. Time to revoke the privilege.” [deleted]
21. AITJ For Removing My In-Laws' Access To Our Digital Family Album After They Skipped Christmas?
“My in-laws have been treating my husband like crap ever since we had a disagreement with them at Christmas. The disagreement stemmed from us trying to coordinate a family holiday. My in-laws live in a different country, so it takes some coordination to plan holidays.
My husband and I also run a small business and find it difficult to get away. We managed to secure some time, and after speaking with them, made plans for the trip. My MIL decided, around a month later, that she didn’t want to inconvenience us, so she changed their plans—only telling us after they had already made arrangements.
My husband was upset and reiterated that what we had planned originally wasn’t an inconvenience. He said he felt that his mother was just using that as an excuse to do whatever she wanted. This caused my MIL to blow up.
The family drama continued for a few weeks.
My husband, during that time, was trying to mend fences with his mother before his sister threw a grenade from the sidelines, saying she and her family wouldn’t be coming to join us at Christmas because of the fight (which did not involve her at all).
A few days after this, my husband’s parents decided that they wouldn’t come and see us or their grandchildren (aged 2 and 3) at all during their trip. They told us this by text message.
I was pretty disappointed. Christmas is a big deal for me, as is spending time with family.
Our kids are small, so it’s also a really exciting time that they are missing. They told us that they see photos of them all the time, so it wasn’t much of a loss not seeing our kids in person. Instead, they spent 12 weeks with my husband’s sister and her family.
We felt that since our kids didn’t appear to be a priority, then we didn’t want them to have access to our digital family photo album. I removed their access. It took them about a month to even notice, but when they did, they were angry.
They accused my husband and me of using their grandchildren as ammunition in our argument.
I freely admit we were both angry when we did this, so I guess we kind of did, but my issue is that they decided not to visit us at all and said that seeing photos of our kids was the same as seeing them in person.
I just don’t want my kids to feel like they aren’t a priority, or as important as my SIL’s kids.
Are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because you can give access and you can take it away. They’re your photos to do with as you please.
This family needs a reset. You all need to come together for a group chat and start over. Obviously, there are a lot of complex family issues going on. Establish boundaries, etc. Like, your sister shouldn’t get in the middle of an argument—it seems like your mom may have been talking to her about the situation, which only deepened family conflict.
Agree to not do this in the future. Find out why your mom was triggered by what your husband said. Explain why her saying ‘photos = in person time’ hurt you and made you want to turn off pictures. Make a list of what you want to talk about.
It’s really the only way to move forward and get past this.” lilolememe
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re NTJ. They changed their plans without telling you. Then, instead of just saying plans have changed, they tried to say they don’t want to inconvenience you (insert eye roll).
When your husband called out his mom, BOOM. How dare he call out the manipulation? This sounds like an unhealthy family dynamic with your mom running the dysfunction. Anyhow, that is their loss! 12 weeks?!! 12 weeks—they were in the country and did not see you or their grandchildren.
No telling when they’ll be able to come back. I would just sit tight and enjoy your lives. They’ll come around if they want a relationship with their grandkids.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Obviously, there is way more going on. But the petty me hears that pictures are just as good as being in the presence of my one-of-a-kind little angels… Yep.
Pictures of birthdays, holidays, special occasions, and all the way through graduations, weddings, and baby showers. What? You thought you would be invited? Pictures are all you need. You said it yourself. And when my extra special little ones want to know why they never see those people, well, they don’t want to know you—they just want pictures.” groovymama98
20. AITJ For Not Meeting My Parents’ Demands To Tutor My Young Sister?
“I (under 16) have a younger sister (under 12) who has a few struggles catching up with her classmates.
I do try to offer my time to help her when I can, but I’m occupied with studying, exams, housework, sports, tutoring other kids (they are younger cousins, so my sister wouldn’t be able to focus if I taught her with them), etc. My parents persistently have asked me to dedicate a specific schedule to my younger sister, but I told them that I can’t dedicate a specific time because things are too hectic right now.
I’ve never had a really good relationship with my father (he’s a hypocrite, narcissistic, anger-issues, migrant type of parent), so I used the same tone (that he talks to me in) to talk to him in this situation. I was called disrespectful because I talked to my parents like they were my age mates.
I tried to convey to them that I simply don’t have the time right now and insisted on all of us finding a compromise, and they continued to say things like “We (my parents) lost both of our parents when we were young and you can’t even spend a single hour with your younger sister???” and “The things you are talking about are selfish and evil.” They would continue the conversation saying how hard they worked in their homeland, and I understand that—don’t get me wrong—but I really want to be able to study and achieve good marks, have a good relationship with my family, have extracurricular activities and ways to earn money as well while still having time to rest.
I do feel empathy, but the way I learned to buckle down and work for my future was knowing that I’ll be able to do the things that I enjoy with a good education (the things I actually want to do require several hard and studious degrees, and my parents know this).
I also told my parents that it was their responsibility to teach their daughter about work ethic because they are always talking about how they have taught us everything that we needed to get through life, but seem to have forgotten to teach her about actually putting in hard work.
I do love my parents and I see where they are coming from, but my body is under constant pain from all the work I do at such a young age. I just want the others (my parents and other siblings) to pitch in just a little bit.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“In no way are you in the wrong here. As an older sibling, yeah, I guess you can have responsibilities concerning the other brothers/sisters, but the effort should mainly come from the parents. In my opinion, you’re put under way too much stress and pressure by your parents, and that’s extremely unfair to your time, hobbies, interests and life in general. Parents should consider hearing their kids out sometimes; all the best for you buddy, good luck.” NoDraw5603
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems like you already do more to help out than most kids your age. Do you even get time to chill out or even sleep properly? If your parents are so concerned that you spend an hour teaching your sister the work that she should have learned in class, then they can be the ones to tell their siblings that you will no longer have the spare time to tutor their kids any more (your cousins) as they want you to spend the time with your own sister.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Confronting My Neighbors Over Their Dangerous Off-Leash Chihuahua?
“My husband and I had very good neighbors, up until they sold their house. Our new neighbors moved in several months ago (if it’s relevant, they’re renting) and have a chihuahua that is constantly off-leash, barking and charging when he’s out.
We have leash laws in our state that stipulate dogs are not allowed to roam freely.
I’ve tried nicely addressing it with my neighbors, telling them I’m concerned about my kids getting bitten. I’ve gotten “I have kids too. He doesn’t bite. Just put your hand out and he’ll come to you.” I do not want to put my hand out to a dog that is actively barking at me and following me.
They’re always oblivious that he’s out and act surprised when I ring their doorbell.
Last night I was driving home at 9 p.m. from the grocery store. It was dark. The dog was out again and ran in front of my car. I was livid.
I honked my horn as he stood in front of my car. He finally moved. After I parked, I went over and confronted my neighbors, telling them I didn’t want to be THAT neighbor, but I was about to be that neighbor and call animal control because they need to be in control of their animal. I got the same excuses.
“He doesn’t bite. He was only out 5 minutes. He’s 3 years old. He sneaks out.” I told them they need to be better dog owners. I don’t care if it was five minutes or five hours; he doesn’t need to be running around the neighborhood. I also told them that they don’t care about their dog getting hit by a car or biting someone, and when he bites one of my kids, I will push to have the dog put down.
I say this because I can foresee it happening, with how inattentive they are. “He won’t get hit by a car. He doesn’t bite.” I don’t understand how you don’t know your dog is freely roaming… Are your kids too loud, that you don’t notice the dog not barking in your house?
They have a security door in addition to a regular door. He’d have to “sneak” out of both sets of doors. How exactly does that happen?
My husband heard me yelling and became upset with me for confronting the neighbors because there’s “nothing I can do” and he doesn’t want me to make waves.
I told him it feels invalidating for him to say that because it’s as if he’s saying he doesn’t care if one of our kids gets bitten or hurt by the dog. My garage is small, so I have to pull my car out to put the kids in it (4 and 1).
Thankfully the dog has not been roaming when I’m putting the kids in the car.
I called animal control, who directed me to code compliance, who directed me to non-emergency police. I have not made that final call yet.”
Another User Comments:
“Your husband is right(ish).
You’re NTJ but here’s the thing. You’re about to start a war. Had you kept your mouth shut and called the cops you could deny. “What are you talking about neighbor?!?!” They will KNOW it’s you if you call the cops.” Wandering_aimlessly9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they’re irresponsible and you’re right to assume something (a bite, the dog being hit by a car, or some other awful eventuality) will end up happening which will leave everyone even more upset. Your husband needs to grow a backbone and back you up.
This is a tragedy waiting to happen. Definitely call the authorities to at the very least begin documenting this absolute nonsense.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Call them. Dogs shouldn’t be let to roam freely, even more if they are aggressive. If they do nothing… consider declaring him as a stray and ask your local shelter to pick him up.
Don’t mention you know who it belongs to. Shelters usually have fees when you pick your animal back. After a while, he will get tired of paying.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Stop Fostering So Many Cats?
“My younger sister (26F, I’m 30F) is fostering cats. It started during 2020, when she had very little work, so she had a lot of time on her hands, but she continued even after it ended. She still chooses to work very little and instead funnels her time into fostering.
Her husband is okay with this, so it’s really not my business. I love animals and think that fostering is a great thing, but I’m really concerned about my sister’s foster care.
Since she’s home all the time, the local shelter often gives her kittens to foster because she is able to keep up with their feeding schedule.
However, a lot of her kittens seem to be dying, often of unknown causes. Just this year, at least 12 kittens died in her care. I understand that you can occasionally have a runt of the litter who will not make it, but more than one kitten per month seems excessive.
Every time I call her, and she tells me that yet another kitten has died, I get such a knot in my stomach.
This again happened last week. We had a family video call, and she spent the majority of it crying. After my parents left the call (it was quite late), I asked her to tell me about the rest of the kittens to lift her mood somewhat.
So she picked up her phone and showed me her house. The last time I visited her house was in January, and it looked completely normal and clean. Now, however, there was cat litter pretty much everywhere on the floor I could see; there were a total of 15 kittens in that house (it’s not a huge house); there was constant meowing from some poor kittens she kept in a cage; and she even had to pick up some cat poop from the floor.
I really feel like my sister is not capable of properly caring for so many cats. I kept thinking about what I saw during the call the whole weekend, and finally on Sunday I called her and told her in the gentlest way possible that I think that she should stop fostering or decrease the number of cats.
She protested and told me that she has everything under control. Then I told her that with so many kittens dying, it doesn’t look like she has it under control. She started fully bawling; we had a little back-and-forth, and then she told me that I was mean and hung up.
I texted her to ask her if she’s okay, and she only responded today.
Was I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to alert the animal shelter that things are getting out of hand here. Although don’t raise your hopes up, since in many shelters’ eyes, the fact that she managed to save a few kittens is better than losing them all in case no one fosters them; they still consider it better than nothing.” edebby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re speaking from concern, not malice. Maybe she should speak to the shelter that keeps sending the kittens to get some additional support—I’m guessing they wouldn’t send animals there if they knew how badly conditions had deteriorated.” Pretzelmamma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds as if your sister may have developed caregiver burnout and needs to take a break. Fostering kittens is hard work, and it plays havoc with your sleep schedule. It’s also emotionally taxing. Fading kitten syndrome is a real issue with rescues; sometimes kittens that haven’t had the best start (poor maternal health, exposure to disease, etc.) unfortunately fail to thrive and die for no obvious reason.
In the wild, survival rates are well under 50%. Bottle feeding doesn’t always work well, sadly.” MoogOfTheWisp
17. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Nephew With His YouTube Channel And Facing Family Fallout?
“So about 2 years ago my nephew started this YouTube channel. I went to school for film production and I work in the marketing field.
I do okay for myself, but my hours are long when I have a project. If a client changes something at the last minute, it could mean an 80-hour week for me, but sometimes I get a break between projects and I use that time to chill and focus on my family.
My nephew wanted to be a YouTube star and wanted me to help him with marketing and video editing. I do not have time for that, and to be honest, I want nothing to do with any media on my days off or in my free time, so I said no.
My brother thought his teenage son was going to be the next viral star and invested his money in his son’s social media career. I didn’t realize how much, but now my brother and my 19-year-old nephew have to file bankruptcy for loans invested in his own “movie studio.”
They also included my mom in their plans and she lost a lot of money. I was planning on taking my family to visit them for Labor Day so we could relax. My mom blew up at me, saying I was no son of hers and I should have helped my nephew out, and that it is my fault that I failed them.
I could have gotten him a sponsor, taught him how to edit his videos, and looked into his SEO to help him. (I was slightly impressed that my mom knew what SEO was.) But I did nothing for him, and now he’s facing financial ruin with everyone in my family saying I didn’t help them.
They insisted that I help my wife with her career, but she actually has a degree in marketing and we met while I was in school. My nephew said he wanted to go to film school (I actually don’t recommend this at all; do not do this!), but he is in the middle of bankruptcy.
I don’t even know if, had I helped him, it would have worked, and I can’t believe my family invested all sorts of money in high-end equipment for a YouTube channel. My family tried to force my wife and me to buy his equipment to help my mom out, but we don’t want it, and my mom is acting like she’ll never speak to us again over it because the whole situation is my fault.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…. How is it your fault that your brother and mother went out and bought a lot of expensive equipment? You are not the only source of information; there are a lot of online resources. Most people start YouTube channels with basic set ups and then buy better equipment if their channel produces income to support that.
They don’t go out and buy expensive equipment right off the bat. Sounds like your family made a bad financial decision and instead of dealing with it, they’re blaming you.” gooseylucyless
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even without their loss of money, you’d be fine because you said you didn’t have the bandwidth and said no when asked. It isn’t like you made an offer to help and then backed away from the promise.
They expected it and tried to build a business with zero actual plan.” fromthenorth97
16. AITJ For Confronting My In-Laws Over My Wife's Inheritance?
“My parents went above and beyond to provide for me, but my childhood was pretty rough, to say the least. Even though I grew up poor, my parents always made sure to be there for me emotionally and raised me with love.
For that, I am grateful.
My wife, on the other hand, seems to have had a polar opposite upbringing. I’m not too aware of my father and mother-in-laws’ financial specifics, but I know they are very comfortable. They basically funded her education through college up to her Ph.D.
This is obviously a nice gesture, but I also sometimes wonder if they spoil her a little too much. She is an adult, and I find it extremely weird that she is still receiving things from her parents in her mid 30s. Most recently, her parents gave us a housewarming gift by paying for our house renovations.
We were very thankful, but a part of me felt uncomfortable receiving such a big gift.
Last month, my wife inherited one of my in-laws’ properties. She had no idea and basically found out, as I did, so there is no resentment toward her. Here is the kicker: despite us being married, they left the house 100% under my wife’s name.
They even went so far as to hire a real estate attorney. Long story short, they basically did all this to ensure the house never has to be split with anyone, including me. I understand that, at the end of the day, they are acting in my wife’s best interest since she is their daughter.
But I can’t help but feel betrayed. I go above and beyond to treat them well, and I feel blindsided. I can’t imagine my parents doing that to my wife.
After a lot of thinking, I confronted my in-laws last weekend. And the conversation did not go well.
They told me I was rude and had no right to feel entitled to the inheritance property. And now, my wife is also upset with me. She initially understood why I might have felt left out, but she is upset that I was being disrespectful over something that didn’t concern me.
But that’s the thing… This does concern me.
The only thing that makes me wonder if I am overthinking is that we have only been married for 4 years. But, at the end of the day, I am family, and now I can’t help but wonder if they only care about looking after my wife’s best interest.
AITJ for calling my in-laws out and feeling betrayed? I am literally confused here.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The inheritance was meant for your wife. Your wife will likely share it while married, so what’s the big deal? It sounds like you’re mad that you won’t get any in a divorce.
It’s not much different in theory than her inheriting a ring. It’s not for you.” Wild-Pie-7041
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and also the whole family now assumes you are a gold-digger. I would not be surprised if you just started the ball rolling on the divorce you were so certain you were never going to have.
People who come from money always have to be on alert for the multitude of people who will try to take advantage of them. You just essentially rubbed yourself with the stink of one of those people, and you will never wash yourself clean of it.” 33drea33
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – It’s your wife’s inheritance. To ensure the house remains in their family if she dies or divorces you, only her name should remain on the deed. I understand your resentment, but her parents clearly want the house to remain in their family, which I support.
Their house, their decision. One of the benefits to you is that your wife should solely be responsible for taxes, utilities, maintenance, and any improvements/upgrades. Her house, her financial responsibility.” sunset-tx-armadillo
15. AITJ For Calling Out My Papa's Abusive Church Rants?
“I (24 f) come from a religious family where the head of the family is my papa (68), who is the local pastor. Since I was little, we’ve gone to church every Sunday with no exceptions, even if we were sick. It was mandatory to attend church if we ever wanted to visit.
When we were younger, we loved church, but as we got older, we started to see things in our papa that made going to church with him or the religion as a whole (not trying to offend anyone, it’s just how I feel a little bit) uncomfortable.
For instance, if any of us got badly sick, he would go on rants, saying it’s because of our sins and that none of us believed in God, so we’re suffering and need to go to church more. Sometimes, he would go on homophobic rants without notice.
He would condemn us to heck because we would sometimes ask not to go to church due to simple things like school or work. My Mom had told me stories of how when they were younger, if they asked not to go to church, he would lock them out of the house or force them to go anyway, even if they were badly ill.
So, as we got older and had the choice not to go to church (not because we didn’t want to go), most of us would often say no, mostly because we had work.
Now, mostly every Sunday during the two-hour drive to church, he would go on a rant about how most of his family was going to heck and that he and my grandma would be the only ones saved. I go to church a lot, but only because I don’t like upsetting him.
So, one day while on the drive to church, he goes on another rant because one of his daughters said she was sick and couldn’t come to church, even though she had said she would go. I was feeling uncomfortable and tried to convince him that maybe she was really feeling sick, which only sparked him further.
And then, he turned on me, condemning me to heck; that was when I put my foot down and told him the real reason nobody goes. He was so furious that he made me stay in the car for the entire time we were at church.
On the ride home, he was quiet. Then he proceeded to scream at my Mom for making such an unholy child. My family is saying I should have kept my mouth shut. So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your grandfather’s version of church confuses religion and faith.
He goes to church religiously, which simply means that he does it regularly. Religion and faith aren’t the same thing. Referring to going to heck, I assume that he practices some version of Christianity. However, he isn’t acting much like Jesus. Please search out different forms of faith — and worship in a way that brings you joy.” Quiet-Essay-9268
Another User Comments:
“Oh sweet darling, you are so NTJ. Your papa is abusive and judgmental and not a kind nor Christian (I’m assuming) person. I’m horrified that he is a pastor as he is not following the commandments to love. Yes, the Bible says to respect parents but it also says parents should not drive their children to anger.
Your family just believes tolerating the mistreatment is better than standing up to a bully. You have to decide this for yourself. But, PLEASE, don’t lose faith in God because your papa is a bad representative of His love and grace.” Pair_of_Pearls
14. AITJ For Starting A GoFundMe For A Service Dog Instead Of Asking My Family Directly?
“I (30 F) have pretty severe PTSD, to the point that I can no longer function “normally” in public.
I have missed several family events as a result of this, and I can no longer do my job properly. I’m currently on medical leave while I deal with this, but my doctor and my therapist both recommended that I look into getting a service dog to help me.
Service dogs, however, cost thousands of dollars that I simply do not have. Charitable organizations in my area work with autistic children or military service people. Although I am autistic, I am not a child, and I have never served in the military. Any assistance I can find either does not qualify me, or the waiting list is insane, lasting several years.
I don’t love the idea of being trapped in my house for upwards of five years, unable to leave without a chaperone like I’m a toddler or something, so I researched the costs and process of working with a program to purchase a service animal, and I started a GoFundMe to try and raise the money necessary to do so.
My friends, coworkers, and my mother’s side of the family have all been very supportive, and they have at least shared the post to spread awareness. My father’s family, however, has not so much as “liked” any of my posts. My parents are divorced, so this includes my father, my stepmother, my stepsibling, and my half sibling.
I didn’t say anything to them about it, though it stung that they weren’t willing to spend five seconds to share the post.
I found out today, however, that they are all humiliated because I am begging for money on the internet. This wasn’t said to my face; they told my sister when she asked if they were going to share or donate.
She told me in turn but asked me not to confront them. I’m not sure that I have any right to confront anyone, though, over how they feel, especially since I may be the jerk for starting a GoFundMe instead of asking them directly, I guess?
I thought this was the best idea because they have a child starting university this fall and although they’re affluent enough to not qualify for government assistance loans to pay for her schooling, I understand that they don’t have thousands of dollars just lying around for me to have—and I know I won’t be able to pay them back if they did, due to my disabilities.
However, if I’m humiliating them, maybe I should have kept this private anyway?
I’m from Canada, so it isn’t common here to crowdfund for medical services. I am barely able to afford rent and bills when I’m actively working, and now that I’m off on (unpaid) leave, things are even tighter than before.
In theory, I could white-knuckle through my issues and save money myself over time, but I was eager to start working with a service animal as soon as possible.
AITJ for starting this GoFundMe and asking for donations? What else should I have done?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they’re humiliated, they can help you so you don’t have to beg on the internet. If they can’t or won’t, they can shut their gobs. Your wellbeing is more important than their feelings. Why are you on unpaid leave? Your doctor should be helping you get assistance.
Ask them to put you in touch with a social worker if necessary. You should be applying for EI sickness benefit, and if this is deemed to be long term, CPP disability. There’s help for people who are too sick to work in Canada, including mental illness.” DrMoneybeard
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are going the GoFundMe route for medical reasons, not to enrich yourself. Your family feeling humiliated really takes the cake as it shows who are the real jerks here.” mustng66
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, as they’re entitled to their feelings and you’re certainly fine setting up the GoFundMe.
I wouldn’t suggest confronting them, as that would just make for trouble you really don’t need. One thing I would suggest you consider, however, is making sure that you can afford both the regular and emergency costs of owning a dog—my previous service dog was attacked and we ended up with a $1000+ vet bill as well as a dog that ended up retiring from service early.” darklingdawns
13. AITJ For Refusing To Accept My Roommates’ Dog Pee And Poop In Front Of My Door?
“I 20F am living with a 20F, a 21M, and a 21NB. 21M and 21NB are a couple, and they share the master bedroom and have a dog.
20F and I have rooms on either side of the stairs that lead into the entryway. We moved into this apartment after living together in a different apartment for a year.
When we moved in, the dog peed right in front of my door, and I had 21M clean it up since it is not my dog.
Since then, everyone in the household besides me has been putting a puppy pee pad right in front of my door for the dog to go on. To preface, the dog is house trained and there is a way for her to go on a grass pad outside, and she didn’t pee or poop in the house prior to this after being house trained. Now every day, the dog pees and poops right in front of my door.
We have all cleaned the area, and I have asked if we could put the puppy pads somewhere else because it is inconvenient to step in pee coming out of my room. My roommates said that they couldn’t because she was just going to pee there anyway.
I decided to fix the problem myself by putting a baby gate by my door. They then put the pee pad right in front of the gate, which was annoying but not as bad. I came home one day and the gate and the pee pad were gone, so I figured they had decided she was trained out of it.
She then proceeded to poop on the floor right in front of my mini fridge I just put there (there is no room in my room for it), and I don’t think that is sanitary, as I have food in there including raw produce. I cleaned up the poop, and I put some laundry baskets as a little blockade to keep her from pooping there, and I put another pee pad somewhere else.
I then came out of my room hours later to find that my laundry baskets had been moved and the puppy pad was back in front of my door. I moved them once again, and the next morning I found that the laundry baskets had been moved to different parts of the house instead of just off to the side, and the puppy pad was put back.
My dad thinks I should screw a gate into the wall so that they can’t remove it. Am I the jerk for not being cooperative in this? Should I just give up and let her go there? Any advice?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and what the actual heck?????
This is disgusting. _Disgusting_. Your roommates shouldn’t have pets. Or roommates. This is messed up and inconsiderate to you and unsanitary. Any pet can have an accident in the house. It sucks but it’s reality. This isn’t an accident—they’re just letting it happen. It sounds like it’s poor training, but if it’s not, the dog could actually be sick.
Dogs that have bladder stones or UTIs will go in the house. Ugh. I’m sorry OP, time to move.” DoraTheUrbanExplorer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you’re fighting a battle you aren’t going to win. This dog has been TRAINED to pee in front of your door.
Unless the area is cleaned, all smell removed so the dog cannot smell it, and the dog is retrained, the dog will continue to use that area as a toilet. Everything these dog owners have done so far shows that they don’t care if the dog pees/poops in front of your door.
They are fine with it. They have undone everything you’ve put in place to block the dog, so if you screw a gate into the wall, they’ll probably just unscrew it.” Runns_withScissors
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Order some dog repellant spray and apply it generously.
In a pinch, a lot of ground pepper will do the trick, too. An ultrasonic device with a motion detector in front of your door is an option, too. This will likely make the dog do its business somewhere else.” Aggressive-Mind-2085
12. AITJ For Insisting On Proper Hygiene For My Bestie’s Smelly BIL?
“I started a book club about five years ago with a group of about 20 friends, and it’s been a real source of joy for everyone to come together and discuss books and have parties with themed food and drink. We often talk late into the night, with me having to throw folks out when I finally just need to fall asleep.
I handed the reins over to one of my best friends from high school when I did some long-term traveling so that everyone could continue with our monthly tradition. It’s been a great bridge between my old friends from high school, college buddies, and new friends from my partner’s group.
My bestie invited her BIL because she wanted to encourage him to come out and meet new people. He’s been a shut-in for most of his life and lives on his computer engaging only with folks he meets online.
I’m very sympathetic to this and his situation, but he’s got a medical condition that he refuses to treat that makes his body odor absolutely noxious.
“Why treat it if it can’t be cured?” is his motto. He showers once a week (maybe) and doesn’t change his clothes often. We had a group birthday for one of our friends at an outdoor patio restaurant, and I was seated across from him, and the odor was so bad, I gagged.
Now, nobody else in our group knows him except my bestie because of his shut-in status. But the problem is self-perpetuating because I intentionally avoid close spaces with him because of the odor, so I don’t get to know him, and the whole cycle starts over.
Bestie suggested we could host the book club at her house and do outdoor gatherings, but her house is very far away for half of our group. My house is much more central, but my husband absolutely cannot stand BIL and his odor, and he is much more of a jerk about it.
It’s also not a permanent solution because what happens when it’s winter and we can’t do outdoor gatherings anymore?
I’m trying to find an equitable solution and not make BIL feel excluded and help him feel welcome, but it’s a huge issue. My bestie asked if she told him to shower, put on new clothes, and put on deodorant if it would be enough to host at my house, but I don’t know if it would be enough, and I don’t know if he would actually do it or just say that he did it.
I seriously don’t want to be a jerk about it, but it’s really hard to be within 20 feet of this person.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bestie created this problem by prioritizing the needs of 1 over the rights of 20 others, and she needs to solve it.
Might be even better if she gets her hubby (as he is assumedly the link between her and the new member) involved. BIL needs to hear loud and clear that unless he adopts socially acceptable hygiene habits, he will no longer be welcome at the book club – a very social event.
If he ever again shows up without being freshly showered with clean clothes and all the rest of it, that’s his last meeting. Bestie obviously did NOT think this through!” JustWatchin2021
Another User Comments:
“This probably sounds prissy, but I can’t imagine having this person in my home sitting on the upholstered furniture, spreading the smell.
You may have to tell everyone that the book club that meets at your house is disbanded, and that bestie will continue to host a gathering at her house. In the spring you and the people with normal noses can start another book club that you host. This will obviously cause problems with bestie.
Maybe you could lie and tell her that you accidentally ran into some members somewhere, and when catching up you all decided to try meeting again at your home. The book club that she plans to host will probably be defunct by then, since they will have to meet inside over the winter.
If she joins the new club it is suggested that she doesn’t bring BIL. NTJ” Swedishpunsch
Another User Comments:
“Do you know that he showers at most once a week, or just assume? Some people do easily get sweaty and smelly very quickly even if they shower twice a day.
Doesn’t mean others should have to unconditionally put up with their stench though, especially if he refuses to treat the symptoms even if the cause can’t be cured. NTJ” Xiaodisan
11. AITJ For Wanting My MIL To Stop Duck-Themed Baby Gifts?
I (23), female, and my husband (24), male, are expecting our first baby in December.
We are in a stable and healthy relationship and are over the moon excited. One thing we have begun to bicker about, however, is his mother’s gift‐giving habits. I have been with my husband since we were freshmen in high school and actually lived with his mom and dad for about a year before we moved out to attend college, so I know the family very well.
His mom is obsessed with the Oregon Ducks to the point where she has Duck‐themed birthday parties, holidays, and more. It has always been slightly over the top and not my style, but it was all fun and games, so I would go along with it.
It started becoming somewhat of an issue when she would buy me a gift, and every single time it was something Oregon Duck‐related. I would be slightly annoyed, given it’s not the college I went to, nor did I have any interest in football, but I have always smiled politely, said thank you, and either kept it for a while or donated it to Goodwill.
This has really started to bother me, however, when I found out I was pregnant. We told my husband’s parents, and when we saw them, my husband made a lighthearted comment asking for no duck stuff for the baby.
My MIL laughed and simply said, “We will see about that.” Sure enough, the first gift we got was a hand‐knitted Oregon Duck‐themed baby blanket.
Since it is handmade, I do not feel comfortable donating it, so I will have to live with it. This is where the disagreement comes in. I’m at the point where I want to sit down with her and genuinely ask her not to buy us any more Oregon Duck stuff, but my husband thinks it’s better to just say thank you and give it to Goodwill.
My thought process is: First, she is spending money on us and our baby, so she should know we aren’t fans of the gifts; and second, she should know because when she comes to our house, there won’t be any of her gifts anywhere.
I think finding out like that would be way more disappointing for her than being upfront, even though that could result in her feelings being hurt. My husband does not want to have this conversation and becomes very curt if I bring it up. He thinks that I am being too uptight about it and making it a bigger deal than it needs to be, so AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ; If there’s a full-blown family feud to break out here, it’s not going to look any prettier when Grandma finds out that her gifts to her grandchild have been going to waste the whole time. She will probably be upset either way, but being honest and upfront can hopefully make it easier for her to understand.
That said, her love of the Ducks is clearly very important to her, and something she wants to share with her grandbaby. If you can, at all, stomach it, I would recommend compromising on letting a few Ducks items into the house and actually using them.
I suspect MiL will be much more amenable to buying less Ducks-themed gifts than none. I hope it works out for you!” hedwyn_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The entire point of giving a gift is for the person receiving it to like it. I would genuinely prefer no gifts to gifts I don’t care about.
At least then I don’t have to pretend to like it to not hurt anyone’s feelings. If your MIL actually wants you to like her gifts too, then she would want to know. If she gets offended, then she obviously values her ducks more than your relationship.” Lucallia
Another User Comments:
“ESH, it’s not that big a deal. For example, my pawpaw is all about Alabama football. I hardly know what a touchdown is. If I had a child, he would get some Alabama football wear. It’s not a big deal just because I don’t personally like football.” Fluffy_Tomatillo_359
10. AITJ For Shipping Board Games To My Parents Despite Their Objections?
“I (25M) have been a board game lover since 3 years ago when I studied abroad.
I found it to be a fantastic way to relieve stress and meet people even though sometimes it can be tough to find a group to play with. I used to go to board game cafes, but now I have a stable income, and I’m finally able to buy my own board games.
I usually back projects on Kickstarter and other crowdfunding places since they’re cheaper and come with additional stretch goal contents.
But here’s the problem. I’m currently working abroad in the mining industry at a site where delivery of personal packages is very difficult (I live in a dorm provided by the company near the site).
And since I don’t know how long I will be situated here and I don’t own a property yet back in my home country, I wanted to have all the games I bought sent to my parents’ place for now, thinking that I’d be able to enjoy the games when I take annual leave back home.
My parents are fine with the idea of me storing things at their place itself, so I think to myself: Great! However, when they found out what I’ve been buying, they’re not cool with it.
They’re quite conventional and very frugal, as stereotypical Asian parents, so they consider board games something only kids enjoy and a total waste of money, even more so because I’m not home most of the time.
They asked me to stop, but I told them I bought them with my own money and I should have the freedom to manage my income however I want. Plus, it’s not like I’m squandering everything on board games (which cost less than 20% of my income every month combined with other recreational expenditure, so I’m saving a decent amount considering I don’t have to pay rent).
So I keep backing projects that pique my interest. Naturally, they become more and more mad each time they receive my package, and my mom even said to me that they spent so much raising me and now I’m out there buying these useless things while she receives a very low pension, and if I have so much money to spend I might as well just send her money instead.
After her words, I kind of feel bad because they indeed work so hard to provide for the family so I should probably listen to them, but part of me still doesn’t think I’m wrong for spending money on my hobby. So AITJ for being inconsiderate and irresponsible?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you are of course free to use your money however you want. But your parents are also free to say no to being your post office. They decide over their life, you decide over yours. You might think it unfair that they would accept it if it was something else, but you really don’t get to decide that.
You should either wait to buy more games until you have a place to store them – or find another way to receive and store them. I am a huge board game nerd myself, so I get your desire (and also that Kickstarter games might not be available later), but that is not your parents problem.” Muted_Radish_9011
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You may spend your money as you see fit. That is one separate issue. They do not agree with your hobby and do not want to receive these packages. That is a different issue. Please give them the same respect as you are asking from them and respect their home.
Either find another place to receive packages for you or wait until you can receive them yourself. Your mother mentioned her low pension. Is she having difficulties? If she took good care of you and she is having trouble affording essentials, perhaps consider if she needs help?
You are not obligated to do so, but if there is a way to help her, that might make her not resent receiving the games, unless her concern is simply not agreeing with games for adults.” latents
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s one thing to ask them to store items, it’s another to keep purchasing them just to store at your parents’ house.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with spending money on board games, but right now you’re not even able to play them. You’re just buying things and putting the burden of storage on your parents. Wait until you have your own place and start buying games again.” keesouth
9. AITJ For Baking 12 Cupcakes And Then Crying Over A Missing One?
“So a little backstory, I (f26) made 12 chocolate raspberry cupcakes yesterday just because I was in a baking mood. By the end of the night, there were 2 cupcakes left. At this point, I’ve only had one, my husband (m28) had one, my son (m15) had one, my mom (f54) had one, some guests had one each, and my roommate (m27) had 2.
I asked everyone present not to eat the last two, as I wanted one and I wanted to give my sister the other. Everyone was awake at this time except my mom. This morning she asked if she could have one and I told her no, that I was saving them, and when I left at 9:50 AM there were still 2 cupcakes in the fridge.
After coming home with my husband, there was only one left. I’ve been in a really bad head space lately, and so I’ve been baking to help focus on other things. I do everything from scratch, and it’s a lot of work. So, seeing that I was either going to have to tell my sister “hey sorry, someone selfishly ate your cupcake, you can’t have one” or not have a second cupcake myself, I cried for 45 minutes.
I know it’s ridiculous, but I was really upset.
I asked everyone else home at the time (mom, son, and roommate) if they ate the cupcake, and they all denied it. My mom works over nights and has been sleeping all day, and my son said she hadn’t left her room.
He was worried I’d ground him for the day if he ate any of them, so he steered clear. And my roommate says he didn’t want it.
Now, my roommate has a history of eating all of the sweets in the house with zero shame.
It is upsetting. I could buy a dozen donuts and he would eat 5 of them. Before my son moved in (he’s my nephew that I raised and just got permanent custody of) back in March, I would buy four sweets, my husband would get one, and my roommate would eat the other 3.
So, I’m at least 85% sure he ate the cupcake.
I told my husband I was going to make more cupcakes and tell everyone they’re not allowed to have any, as I’m the one working hard for them without really getting to enjoy them. He said I would be really petty if I did that, but he understands.
He also said that everyone who is innocent will be punished for one guilty party. I just don’t know what else to do to feel better about this.
So would I be the jerk if I baked 12 cupcakes and hoarded them all?”
Another User Comments:
“A jerk? No. Is it a little petty…yes. I’m sorry to hear about how you’ve been feeling. I often find things to keep me busy when I’m down as well. Baking is a really great hobby! But IMHO, if you know there is a pre existing issue with your roommate eating that type of food without blinking…don’t give him the option or have a serious talk with him.
If he can’t respect those boundaries… then maybe he needs to go. I get that sometimes accidents happen, like he ‘forgot’ you said not to eat any more of them. But if that’s the case, he needs to just be honest about his mistake and offer to at least help/pay for replacement ingredients.
If you choose to continue to live in that type of environment with your roommate, then that is YOUR choice. Just put the baked goods somewhere he can’t get them, like your room or the closet.” SuperJ4ke
Another User Comments:
“I understand where you’re coming from, but your husband is right… You are being petty.
With so many people in your house, why did you bake just 12 cupcakes? You should have baked 24, and then there would be enough to go around, including for yourself. It doesn’t take that long to do a second dozen.” FloMoJoeBlow
8. AITJ For Throwing Out All My Roommates' Belongings?
“Earlier this year, I (19F) moved into university accommodation. I had a flat that was shared among me and 6 other people (2 girls and 4 boys). We were all first-year students, so it was our first time living away from home. We all had our own bathrooms and bedrooms, and all we shared was a common room, which acted as a living room, dining room, and kitchen.
Within the first few weeks, the kitchen was already disgusting. There were plates left in the sink and empty bottles of booze and other rubbish left everywhere.
I was warned by almost everyone before I came not to clean up other people’s mess, as they might start to rely on me doing it.
So I didn’t. After a pot of leftover pasta started to mould on the side, I messaged my flatmate asking him to clean it up. He claimed it wasn’t him, even though both the pot and the spoon were labeled with his name. Later that day, I heard my flatmates making fun of me over the message.
You could tell that many of them were used to having their parents follow them around and clean up after them, and they refused to clean up ever. I ended up unable to cook there due to how disgusting it was. The whole flat was infested with flies, and you could smell it from down the hall.
I complained to the building, but they said there was nothing they could do until after everyone moved out. Throughout the year, the mess only got worse. Vomit was stuck to the lid of the bin, the fridges had been written on, and the chairs had been smashed.
At the end of the year, I left it until about a week before we had to move out to enquire if people were going to clean it. I was told that no one was there any more. The day before we had to move out, I asked if everyone was coming back for their stuff, and the message was ignored. I had it, and just threw everything away.
That included all of the pots, pans, and plates. Any opened food, and anything I couldn’t donate, I just threw away.
I sent them a message after our lease was up and told them I threw everything out. Now they’re blowing up my phone, calling me a jerk.
Am I the jerk, or did they have it coming?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They left and abandoned their stuff. Also, sorry you had to live with pigs. Most people aren’t that disgusting. (Yeah, you pretty much expect people to do the washing up when they discover they’ve run out of plates, and not before, but this lot sound significantly worse than average.)” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look, normally I’m a very ‘benefit of the doubt’ kinda dude in these situations (school is hard, people are busy, and redditors are well known for trying to make themselves look better in comparison), but it’s clear from how they all made fun of you behind your back that the plan was ALWAYS to leave you on cleanup duty.
That being said, this could get you in trouble with the school (or maybe even law enforcement, depending on where you live?) but I honestly really doubt it. My best piece of advice is to not engage with these guys.” InForAPennyfarthing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
They had plenty of chances to collect their belongings and your building likely would have charged you for the mess otherwise. It’s shocking that grown adults genuinely believe that it’s okay to live like that. Hopefully you find some better roomies in the future.” lavenderpotato14
7. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Keep Her Mouth Shut About My Outfit?
“I (20f) am the third born child to my parents. My parents had 5 kids, and instead of this happy little family, they parentified my older sister, and as a result, she and I don’t really get along.
My sister is 23f, and we’ll call her Kelly.
From a very young age, I remember Kelly has always hated me. My mom thinks Kelly has this deep, underlying jealousy because I was born 4 days before Kelly’s 3rd birthday. My mom assumes Kelly didn’t like me because, as a baby, I took her spotlight, even though Kelly already had a younger brother before me.
For as long as I can remember, Kelly has always pushed her opinion of me—what I wear, how I act, etc.—and it’s always been pretty negative. I won’t say we hate each other. I mean, she helped me a ton when I was applying for college and got me an Uber when I was stranded at an airport during a 14-hour delay.
But we don’t get along even as adults, and it feels like she still has a lot to say about me.
I wasn’t the nicest back to her growing up either. Not to say it’s justified, but this all sets the scene for how we interact as adults.
I’ve been away at college for 2 years and haven’t seen Kelly in a while, but there is a family reunion that just happened, so everyone traveled across the country to see all of the family. For more context, my siblings and I were raised Mormon.
I’ve since left.
At the family reunion, I wore high-waisted jeans and a crop top (but because of the jeans, my belly didn’t really show unless I had both arms up high). I consider this pretty okay, especially as it’s really hot out. Kelly had something to say about my outfit, as she usually does.
She said my outfit was inappropriate and that, even though I’m not religious, I needed to be modest for the sake of my parents and other male family members.
I snapped right back and told her that she needed to learn to keep her mouth shut because no one wants to hear her opinion on everything all the time.
I also said that I didn’t care what she had to say to me because me showing a little bit of belly should be the least of her concerns.
My parents overheard and started chastising me, saying that I should follow their religious dress code because I’m around other people of the same religion.
They also said that we are both adults and need to get along for once.
I really don’t think I’m in the wrong, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re both angry at each other when you’re both fairly innocent. You never had a chance of developing a healthy sibling relationship because your parents kept popping out babies they couldn’t care for without enlisting the routine help of their older children.
When one child (usually the oldest) is parentified, it changes the dynamic amongst siblings… Instead of a sister, she became a surrogate parent. Instead of a regular childhood, she no doubt had to take on responsibilities that were the sole responsibility of the people actually making the babies.
Since she’s been raised in that environment, she probably doesn’t even see the problem with it and how much ‘parentification’ and brainwashing she’s absorbed. I hope you get to the point one day where you can enjoy each other as siblings and replace the conflict with understanding and forgiveness.” friedonionscent
Another User Comments:
“ESH. She treated you like a child, and you were aggressively rude to her in return. Why not just say, ‘Okay, thanks for letting me know,’ and do exactly as you were? Although if there’s a dress code you know that your family follows, ‘pretty okay’ doesn’t cut it—in real life, you either follow their dress code when you’re around them, or you’ve just opted into family members commenting on your failure to follow their code.
Which doesn’t make you a jerk, but you can hardly be surprised when the comments come.” ggcc789
6. AITJ For Trying To Secure My Nephew's Future While My Sister Sabotaged Custody Efforts?
“This is a clarification and answer to questions! Firstly, thank you all for the responses! Secondly, I am here to clear up any questions or confusion.
Firstly, about the dad: my sister and her husband always had a difficult marriage. My sister was a controlling person and was basically the red flag in the relationship. Whenever they got into fights, she would throw stuff at her partner and use a lot of curse words, but he never did such!
She always threatened divorce; then one day, she did! But after she found out that the divorce process was really expensive, she just decided to take it slow. However, she did not want her child anywhere near the dad. She did everything in her power to prevent him from getting full custody, because he had sort of a criminal record, so the judge didn’t think he was a good fit!
But he did permit him to see his child anytime!
For those saying I should have just made a passport for him or something, don’t you think I already tried?? But they needed his real parents, or at least a legal guardian, to do it for him, and I am just an aunt; I couldn’t do anything!
My nephew is four years old this year. He knows his dad because he visits him on special occasions such as his birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, and what not, so he does know his father exists. His father has tried multiple times to get full custody, but to no avail.
Those saying I do not love my nephew: I do. I love him very much with my whole heart, but it was very difficult to raise four children! I’ve always thought of him as my own! I was not so well off back in my country.
My family and I lived off my husband’s job, which paid for their school fees, and the money I made went toward food! It was very difficult; that’s why I took up a job in America, and I got it. I tried so hard to get him a passport, but I couldn’t.
And I could not adopt him because his father is obviously in the picture, so it was either calling child services, giving him to his father, or canceling this whole moving idea. But moving would have been great for my children’s education, especially since my second oldest is going into A-level.
I hope that answers and clears all confusion and questions.
Aitj??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! Your sister is a piece of work for abandoning her own child! You definitely did the right thing by contacting her husband! Don’t be hard on yourself OP, you did everything you could and more.
I’m sure your nephew will appreciate the love and attention you gave him when he gets older” 63Aria54
Another User Comments:
“Honest OP, I do hope you do what’s right. Your sister never made any plans to do this or that; she never did anything while the kid was with you.
Tell the social worker everything about who had the child. Or just write to the father’s lawyer so it can be used against her. The kid should go to the parent who wants the child to be theirs. If you don’t do jackcrap and help your sister, then you’re doing damage as well.
Make sure the judge knows that the sister, aka mother, is bad. List everything; I hope an update is made on what happened and what you decided to do. No one should be angry at OP. She tried everything, and her sister used OP, and then when moving, her sister basically blocks OP in order to prevent her from doing anything.
So, to be clear, NTJ. Lol, I hope the father got full custody and the mother cannot be near them both” No-Heaven99
5. AITJ For Prioritizing Pilates Over His Basketball Schedule?
“Me (F29) and my partner (M28) have been together 9 years and have a 12-month-old daughter. He works a full-time job; however, he is able to work from home 9 days a fortnight and on those days only has 2–3 hours of work to do. I work part time 3 days a week for 15 hours a week.
I look after our daughter for the majority of the week, and my partner watches her during the time I’m at work.
My partner also is very invested in basketball. He is on 2 different teams, so he has games 2 nights a week. He also likes to fill in for a third team when they are short on players.
Additionally, he goes to the local stadium to practice and shoot around with mates every day. He spends 2–3 hours a day at the stadium, plus an extra hour or so 2 or 3 times a week when he has a game on.
Meanwhile, I don’t do anything for myself and am just with our daughter every day.
So recently, I decided I wanted to start taking pilates classes at a local studio, which my partner was very supportive of when I mentioned it. The studio near us offers multiple different levels of classes, and I wanted to start with the gentle, low-intensity class as it’s the first real exercise I’m doing since having a baby last year.
This class happens to only run on the same night as the games for the basketball team my partner likes to fill in for, but he is not actually a member of the team. I booked in for the class, and when I told my partner later, when it was on, he got annoyed because he had already told that team he could play with them this week (there are still 4 days until the game/class and he hadn’t mentioned to me that he had told them he would play).
I want to do one class a week, but now he is upset he won’t be able to play on that team if I do pilates. He will still be able to play basketball for 20–25 hours a week between games and shooting around, but I know he has fun playing with this third team and I feel a little bad that he won’t be able to, so I can do a 50-minute class.
Should I have checked with him before booking the class? Or found a different studio that had classes at a different time? Or should he suck it up and sacrifice one night of basketball?”
Another User Comments:
“NOPE and don’t MISS your first/second/third…..classes.
HE gets to do all HE wants without any thought of caring for HIS child. It is his turn to handle baby and juggling all HIS events to work around taking care of HIS child while MAMA takes care of herself. If YOU don’t take care of you, WHO WILL?
It won’t be partner. He would be too busy PLAYING” Aggressive_Duck6547
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he does a lot of self care by spending a whopping 20–25 hours playing basketball, you have none. You have every right to take up one night for yourself, and it’s not even the whole night, it’s 1–3 hours.
Plus, he is not a regular on that team, but your class is only once a week.” Ok_Yesterday_6214
4. AITJ For Refusing To Hand Over My Family Heirloom To My Estranged Cousin?
‘I (27F) have a large family. My maternal great-grandmother (no longer with us) had seven children, each of whom had at least two of their own. Most of my relatives are either second cousins or removed to some degree.
The same great-grandmother I mentioned had a music box that gets passed down to the first woman in each generation (line of cousins, basically).
I don’t know how much it’s worth, nor do I care, but my mother has mentioned it’s valuable. I am currently in possession of it, and I’m not supposed to give it away until one of her great-grandchildren has a daughter (I’m 13 weeks pregnant, but I don’t know the gender yet).
However, I am not the first great-granddaughter. That would be one of my second cousins, “Pam” (27F). She’s the daughter of one of my mom’s male cousins and was born a few months before me. Pam’s parents divorced when she was young. Her mother got most of the custody, and her father was already pretty distant from us all, so she never had much contact with our family.
I’ve never even met her.
Her dad tried to get her more involved in parties and family reunions when she got older, but Pam never showed any interest. She never showed up to those events, and she didn’t attend our great-grandmother’s funeral (over a decade ago).
That didn’t change as we reached adulthood. It was due to that estrangement that the music box was passed down to me instead of Pam.
About a week ago, Pam contacted me. I don’t know how she got my number, and I had to ask my extended family to make sure it was her.
She said she knew I had the music box and that since she’s the first great-granddaughter, it was time I gave it to her. When I refused to, she screamed that I was robbing her of “what was rightfully hers.”
I don’t want to give her the box for three reasons: she was extremely rude to me on the phone; it’s the only thing I have from my great-grandmother; and she hasn’t made any effort to have a relationship with my family so far.
I don’t blame her for not being around as a child, but she could have been present as an adult. She was always invited, and the doors were always open, but she never came. It just seems really weird that she is showing interest now.
I haven’t brought this up with most of my family yet, but everyone I’ve talked to (including my mom and my aunt) is on my side. Still, I don’t think Pam is entirely wrong, as she is the eldest daughter of my generation and would have gotten the box if it weren’t for the estrangement.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t get to own family heirlooms from people you don’t treat like family. It doesn’t even make sense that she wants it. How did it come into your possession? That might change things, but if your great-grandmother gave it to you then it shouldn’t go anywhere.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At the end of the day, the ownership of the heirloom was held by your great-grandmother and hers to choose what to do with it, and she appears to have given it to you prior to passing away. Unless it is written in her will, not only are you legally entitled, but morally it’s yours as given to you by the last owner.” kennyPowersNet
3. AITJ For Telling My Family Not To Spoil My Kids?
“I (20F) have 2 sons, T (3M) and Z (1M). My kids are very spoiled. For a little back story, my sons are the only grandchildren and the only little kids in the family, so everyone has always been so excited to finally have babies to spoil.
I’m also the only one in my friend group to have kids, so they’re spoiled by their chosen aunts and uncles, too. I don’t mean like a few presents here and there; I mean these boys have 2 playrooms filled with toys and have never worn the same outfit twice.
I love my family and friends for being so amazing, and I appreciate them so much. But it’s all becoming a problem. I have no room in my house, and there are toys everywhere. My toddler will also throw tantrums in the store if I don’t buy him whatever toy he wants, and his little brother is starting to do the same.
Even as toddlers, they’re both acting very entitled, and I hate that.
Now onto the story. Their birthdays are 2 days apart. T’s birthday was on the 4th, and Z’s birthday was on the 6th, so I decided to have their party on the 5th.
I work at a hotel, so I booked rooms for everyone and used the pool area for their party, since they both love to swim and it’s indoors. I told everyone, the day I announced the plans for their party, not to bring presents.
This started an argument between my dad and me. He asked why, and I told him that they already have too much and their behavior is becoming a problem. He told me that it was his right as their grandpa to spoil them, and soon my whole family felt the same.
Having had enough of trying to defend myself, I told them that if they did not like my rules, not to come.
And if they did bring something, I would be donating it all to the nearest Women’s and Children’s shelter. This escalated the situation, and most of my family decided not to come to the party.
My friends understood and respected my wishes. My kids had an awesome party, and they had so much fun swimming. It’s a couple days later, and my family is still mad at me for “ruining their fun and denying them the right to spoil the babies.” I still believe that I was in the right, as they are my kids and it’s my house that is being overloaded with toys and clothes.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My house is so full of crap I don’t want, and the kids paid 5 seconds of attention and then threw them over their shoulder. Asking for nothing is fine. Asking for things like experiences, long-term gifts, donations to college funds, etc., are all much better than 1000 small plastic objects.
And honestly, they don’t know how many gifts to expect: one nice one and a few smaller ones, then the rest more sensible stuff is the way.” is_it_wicked
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Treated well does not equal spoiled. You’re doing a great job of recognizing that your children are far past being treated well and have entered ‘spoiled’ territory.
You’ve noticed this early, and it’s so great that you put your foot down and maintained your boundaries. Even if you had the storage, it’s so important to teach graceful rejection/denial. As the party has already happened, books would be a great gift request for upcoming holidays.” Sandmint
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but maybe direct them to more appropriate things like experiences or a 529/college fund or books. My nephew has sooo many toys that my sister doesn’t even want toys for her younger daughter (they are new and many are untouched/in original packaging still).
So for both, I give children’s books, college money, and then I try to do fun stuff with them when I visit. It seems to work well for my sister; I get to feel good that I’m giving them something, and the kids are still happy.” SnooPets8873
2. AITJ For Kissing My Male Friend As A Joke And Then Pulling Away?
“I’m a guy too, by the way, and we’re both straight (at least I am, not so sure about him anymore). I was having a party a few days ago with a few friends and a bunch of other people. We were all very intoxicated and played truth or dare.
I got dared to kiss someone in the group, and I chose my friend; I’ll just call him Chad, lol. Chad and I kissed. It was just a peck, and that was it. We continued playing, and then some of us went out to smoke.
Chad then said that I’m a good kisser, and I thought we were just having fun, so I just kissed him again as a joke. It was a little more intense than before, though only slightly. Our friends were with us, though, so I thought nothing of it, and I don’t care about stuff like that.
I’m comfortable in my sexuality, and I kiss everyone I want. Besides, I was under the impression he’s straight anyway, so it doesn’t really matter. Anyway, it was just a chill atmosphere, and I thought nothing of it at all.
I haven’t talked a lot to Chad since then; we’re not the best of friends, after all.
I met with a very good female friend today, and she asked me what was going on between Chad and me. I said nothing (I thought something was wrong) and that we had a good time at the party and are still texting. She’s very good friends with Chad too, and then she told me that she knows there’s something between us.
I was kind of confused because I didn’t know why she’d even think that. Then she told me she knew that we kissed, and then it kind of clicked. Apparently, he told her that he’s confused right now and that he had never been with a guy before, and he doesn’t know what to do next since I’m not really talking with him anymore about that.
But he said that the kiss did mean something to him.
I explained everything to her, and she said that I shouldn’t have kissed him as a joke. She also thought that he’s straight because he’s only been with women before. But now she thinks it was kind of messed up on my part because I went in for a second kiss and haven’t talked about it with him since.
I don’t really know what to do now, but I feel kind of bad, honestly. It was never my intention to give him false hopes, and I’d sure feel like a jerk when I have to tell him that.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You were intoxicated and you didn’t expect it to mean anything, but it appears to have affected Chad in a way he didn’t expect. You say you are friends but not that close, but I think you need to call Chad and ask if he wants to talk about things.
Let him know you absolutely aren’t ignoring him and that you thought that he didn’t think the kiss meant anything. Tell him that if he is discovering a new side of himself that you are happy to be his friend and be there for him if he needs to talk (I hope you would be).
He just needs clarity on what happened.” copamarigold
Another User Comments:
“The first kiss, which was in the context of some foolish game, may have been a joke. Your second kiss crossed a line. He’s confused because you took the initiative in kissing him both times, and he thinks that YOU might be gay or bi; and he’s not sure how to respond.
Your comments about him possibly being gay and that it was all a joke show that you have a lot of growing up to do. YTJ” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“I want to say NTJ. The kiss was consensual, and as far as you knew, it would mean nothing to either of you and was just a bit of fun.
If he is having feelings, then you may have helped him discover something about himself. I would apologize and let him know that you are straight and were just having some fun because it’s a party.” mm4444
1. AITJ For Moving Away To Escape My Friend's Babysitting Demands?
“Melanie (31F) has a son, family, and other friends with kids.
I (31F) don’t have any kids. She’s a party girl, on the scene, popular and I’m not. I work more hours than her and often I’m totally exhausted. Over the years, Melanie has been able to have luxury vehicles, go on huge vacations, fancy restaurants, and be in designers all the time, which is great for her, whereas I don’t have any of that and have struggled here and there.
The father to her son still exists, but she says he doesn’t do much and I don’t pry. I’ve helped out with watching her kid while she’s partied and been with partners, year after year. She has siblings, parents and other friends so I know I’m not the only person who she can ask, but it feels like I’m always top of the list. Sometimes I’d have to be at my job the next morning (which she knew) and she still didn’t keep her word with timing, like telling me she’d be back by a certain time from seeing a band and not showing up until hours later.
Or she would have some last minute “thing” or “emergency” that somehow I could help solve.
Melanie often posts to social media about how much hundreds and hundreds her beauty and self-care maintenance costs, and that she has to pay for services to make her life easier and stay looking put together.
Childcare doesn’t seem to be one of them. But her hair, lashes and nails are done like clockwork, with new outfits and full glam for every big event, and she has made mean girl remarks about women who don’t keep up with these things, which often means I fall into that category too (remember this for later).
She also openly celebrates with people on social media that she complains about for not being supportive to her! Not that I want to be plastered on social media, but I realized the lack of appreciation in our real life makes me feel sad. So many times I feel like I’m going wrong somewhere because I’m worrying about supporting her as “community” and she’s just enjoying herself, content, while I’m feeling drained in life and in the friendship.
Then my health changed and I told her my challenges, because I thought that’s what friends do. We share some of what’s happening in our life, right? Well, she hasn’t shown interest in my well-being or asked how it’s going; she only complained more about herself, the people not showing up for her son and the guy she’s seeing, followed by silence from her for weeks.
Then recently out of the blue she asked if I could babysit, but I couldn’t because I was super tired from my jobs and she just kept asking me to do more stuff for her over a few days. The pattern I gathered is she “checks on me” before asking for something; it’s never about important adult things, me as a person or us spending time as friends.
Our interactions are centered around her son, favors and partying. If I say no to something she wants from me, she goes into a mode of trying to convince me or sway me with junk food or booze. Or it’s a question of “what makes you say no, are you sure?” as if she doesn’t want me to be sure about my choice; then I wouldn’t hear from her for a while after me saying no.
There’s more. Whenever I’ve mentioned interest in something for myself that’s a little pricey or good quality, her eyebrows raise and it’s a shock from her: “O.M.G, you’d pay for that?!” and “So you can really afford things,” followed by her listing all the things she can’t pay for in that moment.
It’s so strange. Melanie is very smart and speaks in an “innocent” way most of the time; my guess is so that I don’t find her delivery harsh, but I’ve started seeing past the soft voice. When I’m not in sweats or with messy hair, it’s a whole thing.
She was so off one day; her words were: “I see you got dressed, where’d you get this from?” and not in a joking way either. Something in me just didn’t feel good about that. Another time she blurted out: “Why do you always look so nice?!” It seems like quite a small thing, but also a weird thing to say, and my gut felt uneasy because I could see she was so aggravated, and I couldn’t understand why it bothered her so much if I looked nice (remember how she goes on about all the things she pays so much for, appearance and new things?).
I wouldn’t say that type of thing to a person, but it makes me wonder what else she’s aggravated about.
Since noticing our interactions about having her son and the weird reactions towards me, I haven’t updated her about my health or career plans and I don’t want to.
I’m getting ready to leave the city, and Melanie has definitely contributed to my decision to move miles away. I figured if I’m going to start a new chapter and be alone anyway, why not be far and focus on myself at a distance? At this point I don’t want to watch her son; he’s a good kid but it’s just not how I want to spend my available time, so I wonder if that makes me AITJ for stepping away from her, her son and then relocating.
I’m exhausted and over it, and it feels like I’m just “the loser friend that has the kid for free.99” It’s made me look at my worth and what “community” is, or if people really care about community. I wonder if I’m not attractive or popular enough to be appreciated. My experience has been that individuals see community as a way to use people and propel themselves instead.
A friend isn’t a babysitter. Or, AITJ?”
Another User Comments
“NTJ. It sounds like Melanie sees you as a resource rather than a friend. She’s happy to have you around when it benefits her—free childcare, favors, emotional support—but she doesn’t reciprocate.
The way she reacts to your personal purchases and appearance is also telling. She seems to expect you to stay in a certain role: the dependable friend who doesn’t ask for anything and doesn’t “outshine” her in any way. You’re not wrong for stepping back.
You’ve given a lot over the years, and you’re realizing that this friendship isn’t fulfilling or mutual. That’s not being selfish—that’s having self-respect. Moving away sounds like a fresh start, and honestly, it seems like you’re overdue for one.
Also, please don’t let this experience make you feel like you’re not enough. Your worth isn’t measured by popularity, partying, or how much people take from you. Real friendships are about mutual care and appreciation, and it sounds like Melanie isn’t capable of that.” User
Is it a slow learning problem or a lack of effort problem. The later is on your parents and they should address it.
If you are made to discipline your sister’s bad habits your parents will be fostering a bad relationship between you two.