People Suffer Through These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend Stay At My Place During Graduation Weekend?
“I (F22) am graduating from undergrad next weekend (I finished last semester but my college only does one commencement). I rent a room in a shared house with random middle-aged men because it is cheap, close to my work, and has no qualifications, I hate it but I don’t have any other option.
I try not to have people over because it’s small and dirty and my roommates aren’t the best people, it’s embarrassing living with grown adult men who can’t wash dishes or who think the shower doesn’t need to be cleaned because it “doesn’t get dirty.”
I have a school friend (25M). He has other friends graduating next weekend also and he told me he was coming down for graduation and wanted to see me. I told him I’d try to find time to hang out or at least say hi at commencement.
Earlier he asked if he could stay at my place for the weekend and I said no because it’s 1.) not close to campus and 2.) I only have a twin bed and no couch or anywhere to put him. He said, “haha I have a sleeping bag”.
I said “You could find better sleeping arrangements. Excited to see you at commencement!” I thought that was the end of it.
He texted me recently asking if he could get a ride on the Thursday before commencement from the train which is a 45-minute ride from where I live and I said “Maybe, what time, I have work and babysitting so probably not, but if it’s in between, I can” and he said “idk lemme check” and he never got back to me.
And then today he texted asking for my address and what time am I gonna pick him up and if I could drive him to XYZ places including if I could drive him to commencement which won’t work because I have to be there like 2 hours before it’s open to the public.
And I really can’t drive him anywhere because I have work and babysitting, and I am almost always busy. And the summer semester for grad school starts that Thursday so I have class. I told him no and he said “Well how am I gonna get to your place then?
It’s not on a bus line.”
And I said, “why are you coming to my place?”
He said, “well you told me I could stay there if I brought a sleeping bag.”
I tried explaining that no I didn’t say you could stay here and that I can’t drive him around and I don’t have the time to hang out a lot or host him.
Now he’s going to our few mutual friends from college telling them that I’m being a jerk for switching up the plans last minute and he’s making subtweets about me and how I’m a horrible friend.
I don’t think I did anything wrong, I might’ve misunderstood the situation and the conversation but I’m pretty sure I was clear from the start that he can’t stay with me.
But our mutual friends are calling me a jerks and the responses to his subtweets are calling me a jerk so
AITJ for not letting my friend stay with me after I told him he could?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because that wasn’t even the situation.
You never agreed. Plans were not set in motion. He didn’t CONFIRM anything with you. Also, I’d drop him as a friend. He wanted a chauffeur and a free place to crash. He has other friends in town also graduating. He didn’t say he was coming to see YOU graduate.
He’s coming to see THEM graduate. He’s using you. He has had no problem bad-talking you. Also, sounds like your mutual friends are bad too. ” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He completely steamrolled you, asking you questions and ignoring your answers. It sounds like in his mind, when he was “asking” you if you could stay over and if he could get a ride, he was just “telling” you that that’s what he was doing.
Completely inconsiderate of your autonomy as a whole, I would consider stepping back from this friendship.” noontime
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I honestly feel like you living with older middle-aged men has lowered your boundaries for what’s acceptable behavior among men. Likely you’re just trying to get by in your home so you let a lot of things slide… But then when you step outside your home you’re likely letting bad behavior from other men slide because it’s not as bad as what you get at home.
If you want to be petty and your social media I would suggest making a tweet that you never said yes, you repeatedly told him no, and it’s kind of weird that he’s trying to gather people to try to force you to let him into your home.
While many men have no issue doing creepy things they have an issue being called creepy, especially in public. Utilize it because while he’s being manipulative and a leech he’s also being quite creepy and doesn’t respect no from a woman.” Maleficent-Bottle674
19. AITJ For Refusing To Co-Sign An Apartment Lease For My Financially Irresponsible Best Friend?
“So for context my (27F) best friend, let’s call her Ari (29F) it’s always struggling financially because of her own bad decisions, I love her to death but I can’t with how she handles her money and priorities.
A year and a half ago I had very bad credit and paid a lot of debt, and now I have good credit that I’m careful with (taking into consideration that I have a partner who we are looking into getting married and have some joint finances so I’m also mindful on that).
I also had a bad experience with an ex-best friend in the past, I signed the apartment for both of us, but she left early and I was left with 2 months on the lease I couldn’t afford, so I also have my trauma with that.
Ari decided to move 2 years ago to an expensive city for the artsy life, she said she was going to get an extra job to recover but she didn’t and ended up just living life, which led to letting her car get repossessed (Nov 2023).
The context for this, she had a car co-signed by a friend, they got into an argument, and a friend forced her to get her name off the vehicle, Ari’s only option was to get a new used car that was $600 a month + insurance which is a lot.
When the struggle with the new car started and she was considering letting it get repossessed I tried finding solutions with her and advising her on the importance of credit, Ari said one time: “I was talking to X and what they said is true, credit can get fa ix is not like I’m looking to buy a house”.
She doesn’t take advice well and she ended up letting the car get taken, making the credit worse than what it was. Now with her saving $800 a month that she was spending on car and insurance, she had plans to save but that never happened.
Fast forward to now :
She had an incident at her current apt where she was expecting some kind of discount on the rent, they didn’t and she asked what the soonest she could leave, they replied 3 weeks after with a date to move out and now Ari has to leave in 1 mo 1 week because of pettiness imo.
She wants to move to an apt complex that requires decent credit for less deposit (6,500 and good credit 3,500), she asked her mom to apply, mom’s credit is not the best, I got a msg from her asking me if I would co-sign with her and with lots of explanations as to how she’s doing better but I immediately told her no and explained why.
I know Ari very well and I’m sure she’s thinking badly of me how can I not help her when my situation is better than hers, she tends to think that people should bend over backward in some situations when everyone has their life, just because you made the decisions you did doesn’t mean I have to feel sorry and solved your life, I do think she has a hard time with adulting.
As much as I feel bad and wish I’d assist her with this, I can’t help but think about future outcomes, uncomfortable situations, and just in general being tied up to something so serious, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are right to not do this.
This is why whoever told her that credit could be fixed should have kept their mouth shut. Sure it can be fixed, but if you are always living above your means, it will not be fixed, and when you lose your place (and your car!) you are going to have a hard time becoming stable.
She would ruin your credit without even giving it a second thought.” Effective_Olive_8420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t co-sign on anything unless you are willing and able to take over the debt…cause that may be what happens. And if I read it correctly, she can still rent the place she wants, just with a higher deposit.
She can side hustle for extra money and/or a part-time job.” Icey-Emotion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not even in the least. You’d be a fool to let this child mess up your good credit. She has proven time and time again that she can’t be trusted with credit, especially with others’ credit.
DO NOT LET HER USE YOUR GOOD CREDIT!! I’m happy you said no.” Future-Anybody-334
18. AITJ For Yelling At My Roommate Who Asked Me To Pay More Bills And Clean More?
“I (24F) live with my best friend since high school (25F) and her old neighbors, Teresa (42F), Christian (45M), and their three kids, Faith (15F), 12M, and 8F. We are in a 6Bd/3.5Bath house in Oregon.
The main issue that we just went through.
I picked up a second job as an overnight server about 5 months ago, because Teresa had an unexpected medical emergency that almost completely drained her savings. She sat my friend and me down after it happened and asked us to pay a portion of her rent/utilities until she could get her finances back in order.
Neither my friend nor I were very stoked about this arrangement, but it was supposed to be temporary. Doing these 12-hour shifts at the company my friend, Christian and I are all at, then going and doing the server job has messed up my sleep schedule and left me almost no free time.
After working two weeks straight between the two jobs, I got home a couple of nights ago, having just finished one of my 12-hour shifts. Thankfully, I was off the next day and just wanted to get some food and go enjoy my liquor fridge (mini fridge in my room that I keep my booze in).
Teresa confronted me as I was in the kitchen about how I didn’t help around the house much anymore and I needed to step up my household contributions or she would be looking into getting me off the lease and giving away my room.
Teresa didn’t appreciate me yelling at her and told me that I was being a brat.
She said that it wasn’t her fault that I was working so much and that all she was asking was that I clean up after myself and not leave my things all over the house. Here’s the thing though, I don’t leave my things all over the house.
Faith tends to just grab things, without making sure that they’re hers. I’ve had to invest in a lock on my door and cameras in my room because so many things were moved and/or taken. Teresa then told me that maybe I’d have more money and wouldn’t need to work so much if I didn’t spoil my brother so much.
I’ll admit, I do spoil him. As I said earlier, I send him little gifts and messages and things all the time. I miss him a lot and I basically raised him because of our mother’s heavy drinking, so I mostly do it so he knows I’m thinking of him.
This is when I lost my temper completely. I went off on Teresa and told her that just because she’s being a controlling jerk like my mother, that didn’t make her my mother and that she doesn’t get to tell me what to do with my money, especially when my money is what’s currently keeping a roof over her kid’s heads.
We ended up getting into a screaming match that woke up Christian and my friend (the kids were at their grandma’s) and now we’re not speaking. I feel like Teresa way overstepped. Frankly, as long as I’m coming up with my portion of the bills, I don’t feel like it’s any of her business that I spend the rest of my money on.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you can spoil your brother all you want. You had to take on the extra shift because you’re covering for Teresa. Just stop covering for her. Like she said to you if you can’t pull your weight around the house she’ll have you replaced, tell her if she can’t afford to pay rent she can be replaced too” Reasonable-Lemon1989
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but good heavens, why are you living there? Unless Teresa is a family member, it’s not YOUR job to pay more than your share of the bills. This isn’t a commune or a family where all the money is pooled. You are a roommate and should pay what a tenant pays.
Surely you can find a better living situation elsewhere. Start looking.” ElmLane62
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Drive My Best Friend And Her Partner To Work After They Kept Making Out In My Car?
“My (23F) best friend (Blue, 22F) of 10 years working together. She doesn’t have a car, and lives 30mins away from the office, and adds 10mins to my commute so we travel to the office together 2-3 times a week.
She’s just broken up with her ex and met this new guy (Red, 22M) within a couple of weeks of breaking up, and they got together when the new Taylor album came out.
This is relevant because I’m a huge fan and she isn’t, so most days she controls aux.
I’ve expressed concern about the timeline, but ultimately I’ve just given in & want to make sure I’m supportive because, at the end of the day, she is her person.
I met Red for the first time last week after Blue and I drove home from the office and picked him up on the way. Yesterday, we did the same thing and went out to get food. Then ended up going back to my place to chill afterwards.
But on several occasions, they’d just begin making out in my kitchen or on my couch. I live in a small apartment so I said hey hope no one’s making out right now as a joke and they broke apart in their giggles.
It got late so they went home together, and then Blue asked if the next day, we could drop Red off on our way to the office. This was about a 45-minute detour but I woke up earlier and did this with no problem. When I got there to get them, Blue came into the car and plugged her phone in immediately, cutting off my music, expressing hate for it, and then went to sit in the back seat with Red.
Unfortunately for me, my rearview was right on them, and I had a 45-minute drive stuck in traffic, watching them make out.
Afterward, we got through the workday until lunch. It bothered me the whole time, so I confronted her, “This is a bit awkward for me to bring up, but I just wanted to talk about this morning, just with how you and Red were making out in my car this morning, and as well last night in front of me on my couch, that made me uncomfortable and I just don’t think it should happen again.”
To this, Blue straight giggled. I repeated: “No, I don’t think it’s funny, I’m being serious, it made me uncomfortable.”
And she rolled her eyes and laughed, “Fine. That’s fair. No more making out for me.” Holding her hands up in the air, but she kept waving it off as if she’d done nothing wrong.
Maybe I should’ve just gotten over it from here.
We moved on afterward to get through the work day, then it all kind of sank in when I got home. I told some of my other friends about it & my partner as well.
They’re all upset, especially my younger brother who thinks she’s being manipulative and entitled.
Blue and I talked over the text again about it. I tried to explain my discomfort and she said I was overreacting, so I said “I can’t tolerate that any further and I think it might be fair if you find another way to work for the time being as I’m just not comfortable knowing this isn’t serious to you.”
Essentially, she thinks I’ve gone off the rails, believing I’m compromising her ability to get to work. I’ve just had enough.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and quite frankly you should have stopped giving her rides when she insulted your music and took control of the aux cord.
She is very entitled and needs to learn not to bite the hand that feeds her. If you’re driving her to work, she can listen to Taylor Swift for a while.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the second someone else thinks they control the music in MY car is the day the friendship is over.
Why are you friends with this person? Because you’ve known her a long time? She openly disrespects you repeatedly, she doesn’t let you listen to YOUR music in YOUR car…how big of a pushover are you? I think this girl has been abusing your good nature for a long time and it’s time you take a real look at whether or not this person is someone you want in your life going forward.” TianaTG
Another User Comments:
“She heard you, she acknowledged she wouldn’t do it anymore, and before giving her a chance to prove that you continued to make it a huge deal? YTJ. NTJ for being uncomfortable and expressing that, but YTJ because I’m failing to see where she was being manipulative and she said she would cool it?” Next_Lime2798
16. AITJ For Not Informing Family That My Sister Won't Attend Our Mother's 20th Death Anniversary Gathering?
“My brother (28), sister (26), and I (30) lost our mother almost 20 years ago suddenly. It has deeply impacted our lives, unsurprisingly, but due to us being 5 to 10 years old, we do not have very many personal memories of her.
Our family, including extended, don’t talk about their memories of her as well, as it is very painful and we are all the stoic type when it comes to grieving.
It was soon approaching the 20-year mark of her passing, so I contacted our surviving family and her best friend to gather, pay our respects, and have a late lunch / early dinner afterward.
This is the first time I think we have done something like this since her funeral, all opting to visit as individuals or just my immediate family from time to time over the years. Everyone is on board, except recently; my sister.
While she did agree to it in a group call a month or so ago, after I sent something to the family group chat recently she said she was only going to the lunch since she “didn’t grieve that way and would rather do it alone on her own time”.
The reason this statement bothers me is that she has never expressed an aversion to going with us over the last 20 years, she didn’t bring this up when I first spoke of the plan or when we all saw each other recently, and it overall broke my heart.
I completely understand having your ways of expressing grief, but I think it is important to be with your family and, your relationship depending ( none of us are non or limited com with each other ), during events like this. This is about being there for our family and honoring our mother, so for one of her daughters to not be present with no history of doing so prior is selfish.
I did ask her if there was another reason privately, but she said there wasn’t and she just didn’t want to go.
I’ve opted not to tell my extended family ahead of time and since there will be less than 10 people there, we have lost a lot of our family members, especially over the last 5 years, and her absence will be painfully felt.
I’m not stopping her or the other members of my immediate family from telling them, but I’m not. I feel that if there is fallout for her behavior she will need to be the one to deal with it.
Also, I am not blind to the fact that I could be the one who cares too much and my trying to mitigate damage could make it worse.
Seeing how much it affects me I also doubt I could keep my bitterness from showing and making it look like even more of a slight. Even if no one else shares the same reaction as me, I am fully aware that I am disappointed in her truly and I will be limited com after this.
At the very least, to let my emotions simmer down.
So with all that, WIBTJ for not telling my Mother’s remaining siblings, her best friend, and those coming with them in support that my sister will not come to the grave with us for the 20-year mark and possibly let her face their judgment at the lunch directly afterward?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you want to do this out of spite and to be petty. I completely understand having your ways of expressing grief, but I think it is important to be with your family…but not if you’re related to me, then you have to grieve in this specific way or deal with the fallout!” Lizzie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ- did you stop to think that maybe the only reason your sister went with you all was because she felt obligated? You don’t get to gate-keep grief. I had many people tell me how I needed to handle the loss of my mum, and I refused to speak with them.
Everyone deals with death/loss differently.” Normal_Equal9928
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re trying to control how another person grieves. It’s been twenty years; this isn’t a funeral service for someone who just died. Your sister isn’t required to go along with your plans that suit your emotional needs and feelings, and it’s frankly ridiculous that you’re mad at her for not attending your event.” InappropriateAccess
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go On A Family Trip To Disneyland?
“I 17M have been living with my grandparents for the past month because the living situation was better.
(I might get into that in another post)
So to start with my parents first reached out to my grandparents and asked if they would be interested in watching their kids 13m, 10m, 7f, 4f, while they went on a 3-day trip to Florida. My grandparents declined as my younger siblings are uncontrollable and too much for them to handle (this has been done in the past, but in those cases, my parents would just be gone for a few hours).
So they then reached out to me and asked if I would be interested in going with them and the rest of my siblings to Disneyland Florida. I said I would consider it, but yes, I would be, I then forget about this convention as these happen quite a bit and don’t lead anywhere.
Two days later I got a text saying my tickets had been booked and we left the coming Monday, they would also be coming out to my grandparents to live for 2 days (this was known for a few months now). Anyway after picking them up at the airport at 3:15 am, I started to get excited about the trip as I always wanted to go to Star Wars Galaxy’s Edge which was at the park we would be going.
The next day I brought this up and they said that they wouldn’t be going near that side of the park and stay in the opposite section of the park and that I would be needed because of pictures and managing the kids. This had me pretty disappointed, on top of that I’m starting to feel sick and say that I don’t think it would be in my best interests to go as my sister is also coming down with a fever.
They persisted in saying that they already bought my ticket and a white polo shirt. At this time, I learned they also wanted to take us an hour out to the beach, which was not said prior. At the end of the day I go to my mother and explain to her all the reasons I don’t think I should go, she then goes on to say how disappointed she is for me not wanting to spend time with family, my father then walks in the room and asks what’s going on the conversation goes as follows:
Father: What’s up?
Mother: OP doesn’t want to go on our trip
Father: Those figures I knew this would happen
I’m sitting there confused because they previously stated that if I didn’t want to go, I didn’t have to. My father then yells at me for being entitled and a spoiled brat for not wanting to go with them, he then tells me to leave saying “he doesn’t want to see me again” and slams the door in my face.
I stand there in shock, trying to process the events that transpired as I hear comments from my parents.
M: Don’t yell at him, it makes you no better than him.
F: Why do we even invite him? We knew he would act this way, and I didn’t want him going along because his attitude would ruin our trip.
Their trip is today, and I feel horrible for this, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re bringing the kids along because no one would watch over them back home. And wanted you to come along so the kids wouldn’t bother them too much since you’d manage them.
It sucks that everything has been paid for, but they told you you don’t have to go if you don’t want to. And why would you if you can’t even enjoy it the way you want.” User
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Sorry, but they only want you to come so that you can be the babysitter and take the burden of caring for their younger children off of them.
Otherwise, you seeing what you want wouldn’t be an issue, because you’re certainly old enough to be turned loose at a theme park. “They already bought my ticket and a white polo shirt, at this time I learned they also wanted to take us an hour out to the beach” What?
Is this for some *Happy, Happy Family* photo shoot to post on social media? Presumably, they’re staying near Disney. The nearest beach is well over an hour away. What other reason could there be to spend so much time driving there and back, just to spend a lousy hour there.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in any god darn sense of the word. If they only wanted you to come along in the first place to take care of your siblings then they should have detailed that at the outset, instead of leaving it until they got there – sounds like they were banking on you just giving in because you’d feel pressured. If they’re miffed about the money they spent, tough luck – again, should’ve been outlined before any money was spent what your purpose on the trip would be instead of leading you into false expectations.
It also disgusts me the way they were talking about you and is indicative of your relationship with them, and the reason you live with your grandparents is now clear.” DrChimz
14. AITJ For Asking The Bride To Replace Shorts Her Dog Ruined?
“I’m my best friend’s Maid of Honor.
I planned a weekend bachelorette trip to an ABNB, made a menu for each day, made an itinerary, and tried to collect pictures and memories from the other bridesmaids. About a month before the trip, the bride cancels the trip because too many people cancel on her.
Then two weeks before the trip was scheduled, she suggested we all chip in $400 for new trip plans. I texted her individually and explained that while I did have the funds originally, I’d reallocated them after she had canceled the plan. The final plan was to sleep at the Bride’s and then do a brunch in the city.
Weekend of: I show up a few hours early to the bride’s house. I walk in and find laundry, dirty dishes, guest beds completely unmade, and puddles of dog pee everywhere, but also boxes stacked all over the house. Unpacked. This hurt my feelings because she was supposed to be there to support me at my engagement celebration until she canceled two days before saying she couldn’t leave her fiance to set the house up alone.
I cleaned her house, did the laundry, and made up the beds we were supposed to sleep in that night. The bride drove us in my car and said she’d pay for gas since I had just driven 4 and a half hours to be there already.
We got to the brunch location and realized it was a rooftop bar at noon in the middle of the summer. My ginger fiancee also joined us. So I spent the next 4 hours standing up using a giant fan to fan the bride and the rest of the group and shade them from the sun as much as possible.
I also covered lunch.
Later on, the following text conversation between myself and the bride occurred:
Me: Hey, bride. Your dog ate a pair of my fiancee’s favorite shorts while we were there. Would it be possible for you to replace those?
Bride: Why were they on the floor?
Me: He was changing into pajamas
Bride: How much are they?
Me: $30
8hrs on read
Bride: Sorry that it has taken me so long to respond. I wasn’t sure how to respond. I’m sorry that my dog chewed up a $30 pair of shorts.
However, you know my financial situation. This past weekend I spent $100 on just dinner/breakfast for everyone. This was supposed to be the weekend that I was supposed to be catered to. I hosted people at my house when I should’ve been the one hosted. You know dog gets into clothes and to be quite honest I walked down the hall and there were your bags on the floor open.
I got her fiance to shut the door to try to prevent this situation. I also gave you 3 pairs of almost brand new shorts. So I don’t think I’ll be able to pay for the shorts.
I feel manipulated and underappreciated since I took off of work for this, drove there and back, we took my car for our day trip (and she did not pay for gas), and I served as the maid, waitress, and personal assistant all weekend.
So, AITJ for asking her to replace the shorts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have gone above and beyond for her and she isn’t showing up for you. The least she could do is replace the $30 shorts when she should owe you a lot more for everything you described in your post. Her blaming you for everything is so self-centered. If she didn’t want to host, she should have made different plans.
I sure hope you don’t pick her as your Maid of Honor!” omnomnom
13. AITJ For Wearing Clothes My Sister Threw Out And Then Wanted Back?
“I (16f) and my sister (21f) both share clothes like regular siblings do. Obviously, as her younger sister, I’ve always liked her style and liked to borrow her clothes (with permission of course).
A week ago, my sister was cleaning out her closet and decided to throw some of her clothes out and said I could go through it to get anything I liked. However, she threw out the clothes before I got a chance to go through it which I was upset about but it was okay.
I decided to go to the trash can a few days later before the garbage trucks came to pick all the trash up and dug to get the bags out. I happily went through the clothes and got everything I wanted which I put in a bag and went upstairs to my room.
I told my sister about all the stuff and how there was a sweater I had gotten that I’ve been wanting which is expensive and she told me to give it back. I told her I would give it back after I borrowed it once and washed it which she was okay with.
Fast forward to today, I was wearing these shorts that were in one of the trash bags and my sister got out of the shower and simply looked at me. Mind you all, we haven’t been on speaking terms like that because she’s honestly just been irritating me lately and it’s draining to be around.
But I decided to say hi to her because why not? She looks at me and says “Are those my shorts?” I simply respond with “Yeah they were in the trash” She goes “In the trash? Well, they’re mine. I just got those.” I say “Well they were in the trash and I didn’t know you just got them.”
She goes “Yeah well give them back they’re mine” and she angrily asks “Why are you always wearing my stuff?” I simply said “They were in the trash so I thought you didn’t want them to” and then went to my room. I decided to take the shorts off and go wash the entire bag of clothes I had taken out of the garbage so I could give her everything back because I was so irritated. Like I understand they’re your shorts but she was the one who threw them out?
She kept saying she didn’t go through the bags she threw out but once again that’s her fault. How was I supposed to know she didn’t mean to throw out the clothes I got in the trash? Later on, I go to the washing machine so I can go and dry the clothes and my sister decides to come and tell me “don’t worry about the shorts, I was just tripping.” I was irritated because she made a whole scene about the shorts and I said “don’t worry I’m giving you all the clothes I got from the trash back.” She laughed straight in my face and gave me a side eye which once again irritated me even more.
I decided to just storm off to my room and she said something but I didn’t hear what she said and I didn’t care either. I’m just irritated because she’s acting like it’s my fault that she threw all her clothes out and that I stole everything that I got.
So AITJ for wearing and keeping the clothes??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m gonna use my go-to because I’m in a happy silly mood but ask your sister if she might have an undiagnosed UTI cause some (and especially older like 60+) don’t get burning when they pee and it goes undetected and then causes psychosis.
Seriously it’s a whole thing. I don’t know how you would bring it up, but I feel like sharing the info today and no I don’t know why but either way you are not the jerk. Your sister is insane and if she brings it up again be like “hey maybe you have an undiagnosed UTI and it’s causing psychosis because you threw the stuff away and it’s not my fault you didn’t look through it, but please take your stuff back because I feel like you’re losing your mind.” _parenda_
Another User Comments:
“She severed any rights of ownership to the clothes when she threw them out. If she wanted to be able to ask for things back, she should have let you look through the clothes and take what you wanted rather than putting them in the bin.
I wouldn’t give her a single thing. These are not her clothes anymore. Also it’s sad that the rest of the clothes got thrown out rather than donated which is a huge waste” asecretnarwhal
12. AITJ For Reacting To My Brother's Disrespectful Comments And My Dad's Enabling Behavior?
“I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. Every time my family gets together, mainly when my brother (30M) and Dad (60M) are in the same room.
My brother ends up doing something that hurts my feelings or just being straight-up disrespectful yet my Dad always tells me to ignore it and be more gentle towards him because he’s “sensitive”
The recent one that made me snap back, my brother came over and I opened the door for him, he said out loud “EUGH YOUR HAIR” just because I let it be natural and curl, instead of straightening it, of course, I got offended and upset because it was uncalled for.
My Dad of course tells me to be mature and take a joke, basically to just let him treat me again.
I go into a quiet mood, and then they both ignore my existence and act like I’m being dramatic.
My brother after 30 mins minute minutes go out to go food shopping, and he started saying that he already said sorry and that I needed to get over it, I tried to explain why it made me feel bad and he just argued back ages.
Which makes it worse. As we’re walking down the street I tell him he sounds like our sister we don’t have contact with anymore because she would gaslight similarly so he says “Get lost” and leaves me in the street alone. After an hour of staying out, I couldn’t bear the thought of going back home knowing they’d both gang up on me.
As I predicted I was right, they both completely ignored my existence and didn’t speak to me. I hid in my room in the end.
I eventually sent a message to my brother explaining how I felt and he said sorry but all he could say is he was having a hard time and didn’t know how to handle his emotions, it’s not fair because it’s always about him he’s been treating me like this since I was like 10 and it’s always about his emotions yet they can’t seem to fathom I have feelings too they tell me to be mature but I’m still a teenager while he’s a full grown man.
It bothers me that my dad will always jump to his defense even though my dad is my best friend I know my dad loves me with all his heart and even heard him say I’m his favorite to his ex-partner. So that’s why I don’t understand why he defends my brother all the time.
For a bit of context, I don’t have a Mum that can help me and my brother has been babied his whole life, he’s the only son and is a 30-year-old jock who’s always drinking and acting like a teenage boy, losing his funds to drinking constantly so my dad then has to fund his entire existence.
He’s a spoiled 30-year-old baby. If I did this to him I know I wouldn’t hear the end of it.
I just need advice I don’t know how to handle it anymore am I being a jerk for reacting back? Should I be more considerate?
I just can’t tell if I am being dramatic or if they’re the mean ones.”
Another User Comments:
“Brother is a jerk and it is hopeless to wait for him to change. Dad is an enabler. Give him one more chance. Tell Dad he is one, he failed to protect you from bullying by telling the victim to be a doormat and providing excuses for the perpetrator.
If he does this again, you are no longer going to be present when the brother is. When it does happen, as it is bound to because of a lack of consequences for years and years, don’t get into any arguments. Don’t say anything to the brother.
Ignore him. Tell Dad that he let you down and quietly leave right away with as little drama as possible. Don’t even say you are leaving. Just go without storming off. Put the bother on NC status. Arrange to see Dad at a time the brother won’t be there.
When he complains, tell him that you gave him a chance and he let you down so you have to protect yourself when you are with him because he won’t.” Scenarios
Another User Comments:
“Your brother doesn’t care that he hurts your feelings. My suggestion would be to go as low contact as possible.
In the example you shared here my idea of low contact would have looked something like….open the door, he makes the mean comment, you just turn and silently walk up to your room. Don’t go to the store with him. YOU are the one to ignore him.
Remove yourself from being around him as much as possible.” Blue-eagle-23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He wants the drama and the attention then to ignore us you feed him more drama and attention. With that in mind, ignore him every single time. No comebacks, no complaints, just completely pretend you didn’t hear it at all.
It will bug the heck out of him. He will probably go further. You should continue to ignore him. When he finally realizes he won’t get what he wants he will stop. In the rare instances when you must respond in some manner, keep your tone and expression neutral and respond with a very narrow reply only specifically about that one part, while again ignoring anything else he has said.
He’s incredibly insecure, so he loves for attention (positive or negative doesn’t matter), not getting it will about kill him.” bmw5986
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Sister's Wedding Due To Her Fiancée's Behavior?
“My (20M) sister (18F) recently got engaged to her partner (18F).
I support my sister, but I’ve always been a bit apprehensive about their relationship. They’ve been friends for 6 years but only started seeing each other about 9 months ago. So I was surprised when they announced the wedding in mid-June.
I have never gotten along with her partner because of the way she treats my sister, often gaslighting and belittling her.
It’s my sister’s choice to be with her and I’ll be here for her if the relationship doesn’t work out, but she needs to learn for herself if it’s not healthy. I don’t want her to resent me for encouraging a breakup.
Not only do I dislike her for the way she treats my sister, but also the way she treats me and my partner (23F).
My sister’s partner is always picking fights with me and has even gone so far as to throw jabs at my partner who wasn’t even involved. She’s been accusatory of our finances, stalked my location on Snapchat, and never apologized after fights. For context, she usually only comes at me when my sister and I get into fights, but those should be between my sister and me, not me and her partner.
I had already been incredibly agitated and not particularly thrilled to go to this wedding, but over the last few days, she has gotten under my skin. First of all, she said my partner could only go to the wedding if she apologized for a prior argument.
My partner didn’t text her that same day so she assumed that it was too much of a hassle, claiming if it was that hard to apologize then maybe she shouldn’t come. My partner has a busy life and a lot of her problems she’s been dealing with, so my sister’s partner jumping to that conclusion upset both of us.
Second of all, I got a message from my sister and her partner this morning saying that a wedding gift is mandatory and that they don’t care how bad it sounds. I wouldn’t have had a problem bringing one, but the fact that they felt the need to say it multiple times as if I wasn’t going to.
It makes me feel like they only want me there for a gift. My partner and I just got done relocating, so we are incredibly low on funds and won’t have much extra money after payday, let alone enough for this wedding. This is why I am annoyed that they dropped the wedding date last minute.
If I had time to prepare, it would be fine, but I don’t have the money for a plane ticket, suit, or whatever sort of expensive gift they’re expecting.
Lastly, they planned on renting out an Airbnb after the wedding for some of their close friends and family.
They had also felt the need to say that there were no intimate relations allowed. I had made a joke a few days prior that if we all stayed in the same house and I could hear them, I would fire back with retaliation. I was joking, but they took it seriously and made that comment.
I love my sister and I want to be there on her special day, but the way they’ve been acting has me worried that only drama will come of this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to go to anyone’s wedding if you don’t want to.
If you decide not to go, I suggest calling her and telling her that you love her and you’ll always support her but you’re unable to make it. As a fellow lesbian, I have to say this is peak hauling, and considering their age, it likely won’t last. I don’t understand the rush and they seem messy.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if they don’t want your partner it’s a perfect excuse to not come yourself. If you even need one after “a gift is mandatory” (although it shouldn’t be a problem if they say they don’t care how bad it sounds then you shouldn’t care how bad the gift is).” Irhien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for your feelings, but think about if it is worth the fallout/distance this is likely to create between you and your sister. It’s pretty clear that this relationship is doomed before it even starts and you want to keep lines of communication between you and your sister open, so when it falls apart and she needs support she knows you are still in her corner and will be a safe place for her to come.
It may be difficult but can you suck it up and show up for your sister, even if you only stay for the ceremony and a short time of the reception. When she finally realizes she’s in an abusive relationship she’s going to need you to help her navigate her way out.” speakeasy12345
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Reconcile With My Dying Estranged Father?
“This story is about my estranged father. My mom always let me see him if I wanted BUT he didn’t want to see me. For a long time, he claimed my mom was unfaithful to him and I wasn’t his.
This was later disproved as me and my brother both share traits of him. I always tried to see him but he is a substance user and would be busy with his friends. When I would see him, he would treat me like a friend rather than a son.
I have only seen him around 10 times in total.
My older brother had a different relationship with him. He lived with him for a few years after getting expelled and since then maintained some sort of relationship.
At 16, I stopped trying to have a relationship with my “dad”.
I realized what type of person he was and knew I was better off without him.
It is important to mention that I would see my grandma (his mom) often and she was always loving and supportive of me. I also have a younger brother and sister who are my “dad’s” children.
I met that brother once but have met that sister a few times.
At 18, my “dad” heard I was getting into acting and tried reaching out to me more. I was hesitant but decided to entertain this. I started to realize he wasn’t interested in me but interested in what I was doing.
He would ask me if I could “help him out in any way.” He never directly asked me for money but I know that was what he wanted. At that point, I was done with him and started ignoring him.
He and my brother started to get closer, as they both love to rap.
They would hang out and invite me over. I always declined. I found out more about him from my mom and decided I wanted nothing to do with him.
Now I am 23 and my “dad” has been trying to contact me more often than normal but I keep ignoring him.
My brother tells me that he is dying from some disease he got from substance use and that I need to build a relationship with him before he dies. My grandma tells me that he doesn’t want to die without making amends and clearing his conscious.
My mom says to do what I feel is right and supports me.
AITJ for not wanting to help clear his conscious before he dies?”
Another User Comments:
“You owe this manipulative user and alleged user absolutely nothing. He deserves to pass away with his conscience loaded with guilt.
To that end, the only reason I might recommend that you see your biological father one more time would be to read him the riot act. Vent all your feelings of abandonment, loathing, and hate to his face, and then immediately walk out without allowing him to respond.
This will allow you to clear YOUR conscience, and will hopefully speed him on the way to his end just that much more quickly. NTJ 100%” Bargle-Nawdle-Zouss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have shown great maturity to realize so young that your dad is a taker, not a giver.
Stay away from the takers. Clearing his conscience is what he needs. Again about him. You may wish to see him once or twice before he dies, for your long-term well-being, to give him a chance to apologize which might be good for you. But if it looks like he wants something, you can smile and take your leave knowing you tried to do the right thing.
You are lucky to have not had him in your life because it sounds like he is quite willing to hurt his kids.” magsy3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, OP. You’re not obligated to reconcile with someone who has only brought pain into your life.
It’s essential to prioritize your well-being above all else. However, I understand the complexity of emotions in such situations. Just remember to do what brings you peace, whether it involves making amends or maintaining your distance. I’m sending you my best wishes.” jsicaluvsit
9. AITJ For Shutting My Sister Out After Defending My Abusive Boss?
“My sister, Sally (F32), got me (F21) a job at the restaurant she was working at last spring. I am attending university 7 hours away, but I spend the breaks at home. This is my second summer working at this restaurant. I worked as a cook and she worked in front of the house as a server.
The chef before the current head chef, Pete (M53), was an avid user of controlled substances. The current head chef is Car (M32). I was close to Pete. Car and my sister are close; it is rumored that they were caught together in the walk-in a couple of times, but from my knowledge, they never actually did anything.
She quit a bit ago.
This situation happened on a Thursday night. The night prior there was a very heated argument between two line cooks, and this stressed Car out. He wasn’t there for the fight. One of the cooks who got into the fight was working, and he kept going off about the situation.
Car isn’t the best at controlling his emotions. He is a nice guy and has never made me uncomfortable at work before this situation. Car thought it would be a good idea to get wasted. He yelled in my face and ordered me around like a child.
He apologized to me but I didn’t forgive him. This caused Sally to EXPLODE. She starts yelling at me saying I would’ve forgiven Pete for this and just because it is Car that is why I don’t forgive him. In her exact words from a couple of days later she says “You’re the one that was completely okay being all lovey with a guy on controlled substances all the time who was your boss but one bad day for Car and chaos breaks loose *eye roll*” I said many things around the lines of “hop off of Car’s tail” and saying “By defending him to me doesn’t make her chances of being with him better.” Eventually, she wouldn’t let up and just kept yelling, so I told her to mind her own business and that I didn’t have the time of this stupid stuff and continued to eat my soup.
When we got home, she left for her partner’s. I was concerned about what she would have texted Car, my boss, so I decided it would be best to text him about how I truly felt honestly. We had a long convo and made up mostly.
Sally is saying that she never yelled at me in the car nor did she ever defend Car. She thinks I need to apologize to her for shutting her out and “not” telling her what happened. Sally has also stated that she is friends with my boss and if that upsets me, there is nothing she can do about it.
When responding to the fact he scared me, she just said “If he made you feel that way then just leave. Don’t know why you would still work there if he made you feel that way.” (I am currently seeking other employment, and I have an interview Friday.)
She is my sister and has helped me a lot when I needed it. I love her so much, but this argument has made me see a different side of her. So, AITJ for shutting my sister out until she apologizes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Unfortunately ownership needs to be made aware of this situation and Carmen will need to be relieved from his position.
The restaurant will continue to suffer because there will be no team trust. As for your sister… She “should” be mature enough to see her side of things. The fact that she was defending and trying to protect a person who has the power is extremely problematic.
It is fine to cut her out if this is the way she treats you.” User
8. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Make His Sister Move Out?
“I 21(F) have been in a relationship with 24(M) for approximately a year and a half. My partner and I were long-distance for approximately 8 months. Until I decided to move up with him. I want to make it clear we talked about what our future would look like and made it clear we would want to be engaged within 3 months of living together (to make sure we live together well but still have a long engagement until I am done with school).
The first 2 months of living with him and his sister went well. Until she and her partner broke up. After that happened everything went downhill. Keep in mind she does not pay the rent to him and I have been paying more rent than she has in the year she has lived with him.
Another thing to keep in mind is that we have 3 cats and a dog. She has been asking her brother to have a cat. He said no since he was using it as motivation for her to get her place. But against his wishes, she first decided to bring home a stray who happened to have a home so she gave the cat back.
The second time she decided to get another stray who just had kittens so she had to give it back.
The third time she bought a kitten (from a friend) and decided to hide it from him. He found out by the meowing coming through the door.
To me, that is a boundary she voluntarily crossed. That’s one thing. For this next part keep in mind we’re on totally different sides of political spectrums and she wanted to have a topic of political beliefs even after I told her we shouldn’t talk about it.
We got on the topic of termination of pregnancy and I told her I don’t have the heart for it myself but if my daughter ever ended up pregnant I would help her to receive the care she needs. After that, she flipped out and told her brother he should end it since we don’t “agree” on political things (my partner understands it is a woman’s choice what to do with her bod,y) the,n a week later tells him he should end it with me since we have different hobbies.
Ever since he has cold feet about an engagement. She has then trash-talked me to their parents saying I don’t take care of our animals (I do). And then told their dad that I am controlling and manipulative (I allow my partner to do anything he wants) so now my image to his parents is tainted.
Anyway, after everything I told him I don’t feel comfortable living with his sister since she 1) has no boundaries 2) is openly telling my partner to break up with me, and 3, trash-talking me to his parents. He told me I was overreacting about the whole situation, and needed to get over it since she had nowhere to go (neither of her parents wanted her to live with them).
I understand it’s his sister, but after everything, I feel like too much damage has been done. So AITJ for asking my partner to ask his sister to move out.”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like a rough living situation, but it clearly doesn’t bother him so much, or else he’d ask her to leave on his own.
Something to keep in mind is that marrying him means marrying his family. If he’s fine with her acting like this with you, he’s always going to be fine with her acting like this. All I’m saying is that the solution to your issues may be to leave the two of them to themselves and find someone better.” SunshineShoulders87
Another User Comments:
“He’s a package deal and his sister is a big part of the package. That said, this situation will not change and you will continue to pay for it – literally. His sister is paying her way and you are his default solution for her slacker behavior?!
The 3 month trial period is over and the situation is untenable- and he’s not interested in marrying you. If he was- he would stick to the timeline you agreed on and make sure that you were comfortable and treated with respect by his sister.
He told you to get over it when you confronted him about everything. YTJ if you stay – cause his sister’s not going anywhere.” Listen_2learn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But to be fair, you are your own worst enemy. You chose to live with two people.
How did you think that was going to work? It’s like the people who move into a neighborhood near the airport. After they move in, they start complaining about the noise and want the airport shut down. Here, we have a similar situation. No, the sister should not be living in the house.
But she is. You don’t put yourself into that situation and then complain about it. Maybe the biggest mistake was made by your partner allowing sis to live with him. But you compounded the problem by moving in and accepting that the situation was OK.
Now you want to change it?” Smokin_HOT_Ice
7. AITJ For Wanting To Celebrate Grandma's 80th At My Brother's Wedding?
“My older brother is getting married to his partner on July 20th, a date that they agreed on in January and shared with the family.
July 21st is our grandma’s 80th birthday, she comes from a line of women where none of them lived past the age of 80 so it’s a big deal for her and she announced last year that she wanted to go all out with a weekend-long celebration.
When my brother announced his wedding date, she was the first one to react with kindness considering he forgot all about her 80th birthday plans when deciding upon the wedding date. They had made several down payments before announcing, so there was no point in asking them to move the wedding a week before or later for Grandma.
And grandma wouldn’t allow it. She ultimately decided to have a relaxing, lowkey Sunday dinner because my brother and his fiancée also wanted to have a post-wedding brunch that day for relatives and the bridal party.
My mom and I got to talking and we thought it would be super fun if, at midnight, we grandkids could surprise grandma with a cake and have the band play her favorite song so we could share a dance with her.
It seemed like a fun way to include such an important milestone in the celebratory weekend since she was giving up her big birthday bash in favor of the wedding. I called my brother immediately to share the idea with him and he loved it, he even came up with the idea to make the cake England-themed because Mom and I are taking her to England in September as our gift, it’s a lifelong dream of hers to go.
That is, he loved it until he didn’t, meaning until he spoke with his fiancée. He called to say the “cake deal for gran” was off and that same night I received a text from his fiancée telling me I should’ve checked with her first if she would be okay with it and how I was being insensitive, rude, and selfish for meddling with her special day.
Yes, her special day. Not my brother’s special day or their special day, her special day. She seems like a good person and we get along well despite not being super close, but it seemed logical to me to contact my brother since it’s also his wedding and it’s his grandma, not hers.
I responded by saying it was my brother’s special day as well and how he was initially thrilled by the idea. I also told her I didn’t appreciate her accusing me of meddling since both mom and I have fully respected the fact that she planned the entire wedding with her mom, leaving us out of the loop, despite my parents paying for a portion of the wedding.
My mom was bummed about being fully excluded even though all she would’ve wanted was to know how everything was going.
The wedding reception is scheduled to end at 2 am, and by midnight she’ll already have been the center of attention. It’s not like someone is going to jump out of her wedding cake and propose to another person.
My text was met with a phone call from my brother who told me the conversation was over as I’d overstepped my boundaries. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your kind, loving 80-year-old grandma, who has already expressed how this is a historic and meaningful moment for her, is more important than your entitled sister-in-law who would already have a full day of attention under her belt by then.
Go ahead and plan for lovely festivities with your grandma and her family without your sister-in-law or your brother. She outright declared war on the people financing her wedding and who is important to her husband, so all bets are off.” Sebscreen
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk for suggesting it, but YTJ for arguing it afterward and for coming here clearly still trying to prove your point to yourself. It’s her wedding to your brother: you can’t expect someone to let you borrow her wedding for your event.
This is the most important event in some people’s lives, they get to have whatever celebration they want. Yes, your brother approved it, but if it’s not something both people want just drop it and apologize: you have overstepped your boundaries. If you want to do something nice for your grandma, take the initiative on some special event actually for her, don’t borrow a wedding.” DjTotenkopf
Another User Comments:
“Most of these comments seem to be putting words in your mouth that you did not express. You suggested it, brother liked it but got vetoed by the bride. Ok, you weren’t happy but said nothing and kept it to yourself.
Then the bride got upset you suggested a birthday cake for a HUGE milestone birthday for your grandmother (who had to cancel her plans to accommodate their wedding – remember she’d already started planning) and you just defended yourself. It’s understandable your brother just asking to drop it but sounds like your future sister-in-law is going to be insufferable.
NTJ And all the people saying you shouldn’t high-jack a wedding for another celebration, completely agree, which is why you ASKED beforehand. From your comments it was your brother getting excited about the cake design etc, not you making a whole separate birthday party at midnight.” sunny-ice485
6. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Friend's Behavior During My Bachelorette Party?
“I (31F) just got back from my bachelorette. She’s had some stressful financial issues. I did not expect her to come to my bachelorette since it was abroad and expensive.
I invited her and as expected she declined which was fine! Her partner is one of my fiancé’s groomsmen and insisted that he is going to his bachelor. She changed her mind and asked to join mine which seemed like “If you can then so can I” but either way I was happy she could join!
Two months before the trip she fractured her ankle. I was concerned because the activities we planned involved a lot of walking. Given her injury and the cost, it was completely understandable if she wanted to sit out. She decided to come anyway and participate in the activities.
The first night the girls tell me I can pick my room first. This place had multiple uniquely themed rooms! She immediately claims what was arguably the best room. It was Mario Kart-themed kart beds (I’m a big nerd). I commented on getting the first pick but she said her bags were in there already and too bad.
Not a big deal I will be in my room to sleep so I picked another room but it bugged me.
We played games for the evening and picked teams at random. I end up on her team + my Maid of Honor. I am genuinely happy with the team!
I’m ready to have fun playing nerdy beer Olympic games. She gave zero energy. No drink in hand, which is fine, but she would slowly get up, play, sit back on the couch, be on her phone, no smiling, it sucked. The other teams were making chants, and cheering, and it felt like the Bride team at my bachelorette was the worst. The vibes were getting to me more than I wanted them to.
My MoH eventually takes her phone out of her hand and tells her to be present or not play lol.
I end up asking if she’s alright, that it seems like she doesn’t want to be here, or if her ankle is hurting. She says it hurts a little so I told her not to push herself to sit out the next round but she continued. I check in again, suggesting that maybe she could be the scorekeeper, but she still seems very uncomfortable.
She again said no all good which was frustrating because at this point I was hyper-aware of the bad vibes.
It sucked being at my bachelorette night one and my direct surrounding was pulling me down. She made no effort to socialize over the weekend and did not offer to help prep or clean up.
I genuinely don’t think she wanted to be there, it was a financial stress, it involved uncomfortable activities, and being surrounded by girls she doesn’t know very well, all completely understandable! But the point is she chose to come and participate despite multiple outs.
I wish she had come with a different perspective and made the effort to be present.
I actively avoided her the rest of the weekend and focused on my other friends. I’m trying to figure out if it was unreasonable for me to be annoyed and if was it meant for me to ignore her. We have not spoken since, I have no idea how she perceived the weekend to be.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m personally not a fan of expensive bachelorette/bachelor do’s, but if you were paying your way cool. Everyone knew the deal and agreed with it (will switch to E-S-H if you picked it and weren’t paying your share, local can get covered, and anything involving an overnight elsewhere pay your way).
Honestly, in your position, I would have stopped asking and started telling. She wasn’t interested in anything that was planned. As for the bedroom, with a broken ankle, if it was the most accessible one, fair dues, if not, screw her.” HereComeTheSquirrels
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s part of the unwritten social contract to be upbeat at social gatherings, or excuse yourself, or just not go. The more special the social gathering, the more important it is to not be openly upset. Being a drag is rude. Bringing down the energy is rude.
If something randomly happens at the event, like someone receiving a horrible phone call that a loved one is in the hospital, for example, there’s much more wiggle room. But to just show up and suck all the air out of the room is bad form.” myfourmoons
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This friend, I’m not sure if is she your friend or simply the partner of someone on the groom’s side. I expect the answer here was not to invite her in the first place. It sounds like you invited her hoping she would decline, but she then called your bluff and came.
I agree if she wasn’t in the mood and sat there miserable on her phone etc – as well as stealing the first-pick bedroom and not making any effort to participation you are right to be annoyed. Either she shouldn’t have come, or had at least given an explanation, reasoning, and apology for why she wasn’t in the spirit of the occasion.” NonamesleftUK
5. AITJ For Shutting Down And Becoming Distant After My Wife Yells At Me?
“Just a bit of history before we dive into it. I started seeing my wife about 1 1/2 years ago and we decided to get married 7 months into our relationship.
We both live in the US, but our parents and relatives live outside the US. So we decided to get married in my wife’s hometown instead.
Soon after we set our wedding date, her mother passed away suddenly because of a heart attack. My wife flew back to her parent’s home for the funeral and stayed there till we got married 6 months later.
We decided to keep our date because her mom was excited about our wedding.
Since then my wife has been going through a roller coaster of emotions ever since she lost her mom, but I have tried to be there for her every step of the way.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t go with her to the funeral and be with her because of travel visa-related issues. So, I know I could have done more, I wasn’t able to comfort her the way she wanted me to. I wasn’t there for her in person when she needed me.
I called her every day and spoke for hours until she would cut the call, but I know in my heart that it’s not enough and I am sorry for that.
That said, my wife has a short temper and she tends to snap at me, sometimes for the smallest of reasons.
And when she does yell at me, I sort of shut down. I don’t respond well to being yelled at. I think it might be because I grew up in a not-so-pleasant, happy home. My parents would have verbal fights almost every day followed by my mom crying hysterically.
My elder brother would also get involved and it would end up in just chaos. I won’t go into details here, but growing up wasn’t, and spending my teens in that environment was probably not the best thing.
I have told my wife about my past, the sort of childhood I’ve had, and why I end up shutting down, feeling worthless and angry.
She continues to do it anyway and then gets upset because of my reaction. She tells me that I don’t love her because of the way I react to it. And then she sends me reels of how men who love their wives treat them.
How I should be reacting and treating her.
An example of her snapping at me is for me accidentally tipping at a self-service restaurant when we had spoken the previous day about how people don’t generally tip at such restaurants and that there’s no real need to tip there because we aren’t getting any table service.
I usually don’t talk about my feelings with anyone and the 4 times I have tried (parents, brother, and wife) to tell them, it seemed like they did not care and it just fell on deaf ears. But I do tell my wife quite often that yelling at me won’t work, I don’t remind her how it makes me feel though.
So, AITJ for shutting down and then becoming distant for a while from my wife after she yells at me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ So she knows you have issues with regards to being shouted upon due to childhood trauma and yet she continues shouting at you?
Also, wants you to actively engage and pamper her. What nonsense is this? This is simply put, emotional mistreatment of her SO by your wife. Also, how does she fault you for not being able to support her during the funeral? You had issues regarding your travel visa.
A document without which you cannot travel and risk deportation or imprisonment if you do otherwise. You did the best you could keeping the constraints you had at that time. Do not let her throw this argument in your face ever again. You just got married too quickly and now you are seeing her true colors.” Domoci12
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, because you say yourself that withdrawing from your wife is the result of childhood trauma, so you accept to some degree that it is an unhealthy response, but instead of trying to deal with that trauma and become healthier, you are trying to get your wife to walk on eggshells around you and not trigger you.
You say your wife snaps and yells, and if she does, her behavior isn’t healthy either, though I wonder if you see the healthy argument as snapping and yelling because of your trauma? If I agreed with a partner that we wouldn’t tip at a self-service place, then the next day they tipped, I would be questioning why that happened, though them saying ‘Oh shoot, I forgot’ would probably make me laugh.
If things continue as they are currently going, your marriage doesn’t look like it has a rosy future, so something is going to have to give.” Substantial_Juice287
4. AITJ For Not Participating In My Younger Sister's Birthday Party?
“My younger sister Meg (12f) just turned 12. I (16f) was at her birthday party because she wanted me there and whatever Meg wants, she gets. So I didn’t want to be there and honestly, my relationship with my family is strained. Meg is my parents’ favorite.
She’s the golden child. They forget about me generally and it’s been that way for a while. So I wasn’t happy to be there and I just sat down and ate a little and tried to stay out of the way. Meg tried to get me to play with her because she was annoyed with her “friends” and didn’t want to speak to them anymore.
I said no and Meg got upset. My parents came over and scolded me and tried to force me to play with Meg but I just went outside to sit down. Meg was so disappointed and my parents were furious at me.
I know people will ask for background so; I don’t remember Meg being born.
So I’m not sure how my parents were before Meg. But I know I have always always felt Meg comes first. Our parents go out of their way to love her. Always. They read Meg’s bedtime stories every night until a few months ago. I don’t remember them reading to me and I know it didn’t happen after Meg was born.
They never helped me with homework but they would bend over backward to help Meg. She got tutoring when she struggled and they’d get annoyed with me and say I needed to make more of an effort in that class. I would also get glared at.
They forgot my birthday a few times but never forgot hers. They also forgot my favorite food on several occasions and would instead give someone Meg’s. But they never forget Meg’s. My parents would send me to a babysitter if I was sick but one of them stayed home with Meg.
They take her out of school for a day sometimes to have a “fun day” and they never do that for me.
I also know my parents skipped meetings with my teachers and school because there have always been concerns about my math skills. They never show up to these and they don’t go to the parent conferences for me either.
So I struggle with math always.
With Meg, she will sometimes look to me like I’m her favorite person but when I try to explain I don’t like something she will throw a tantrum. Otherwise, she wants me around but doesn’t ever want to think of me and I know she’s young and that’s not that weird.
But it’s hard to feel any kind of love or happiness for someone when they get love but not you and then when they show you love, they also show it in a more selfish way where you’re supposed to do what they want.
The extended family spoke up in the past. But when my parents told them to stop they did.
I tried talking to my parents and they didn’t listen to me. Like I would be pouring my heart out while they did other things. I broke down in front of them one night and they ignored me. So I know they don’t care.
And now they’re SO SO angry that I ruined Meg’s birthday and they say it’s all my fault.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your parents have 2 daughters. While they neglect you emotionally and don’t care about you, Meg will have problems as a grown-up as she will never understand why she won’t get her way and throw a tantrum. In a nutshell, they harm you both in different ways….” Case_no_292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m so sorry you’re being treated this way. I’ve been there and I know how much it hurts. You’re right, it’s not fair and you weren’t the one who ruined Meg’s birthday. She’s being bratty and spoiled, but it also sounds like you’re one of her favorite people.
She sees qualities in you that she values, and you might be the only hope she has of not becoming a completely selfish jerk as she gets older. Your parents just aren’t giving her the tools to have a reciprocal relationship with others. Leave the door open, so to speak, because in time she might grow out of her selfishness and see for herself what your parents are like.
In the meantime, it sounds like you have extended family you can lean on for support. I wish you the best of luck. ” timothybcat
3. AITJ For Wanting To Leave My Partner And Take Our Shared Possessions?
“In the earliest parts of our relationship, I let him stay with us at home (with my mom and brother). He didn’t pay rent or help with the bills except for his food sometimes, slept peacefully in my room with AC, played games with our fast internet, had free Spotify and Netflix, and didn’t even help with housework.
This went on for 8 months until I kicked him out and had a shouting fight for being disrespectful to me due to his bad temper.
We broke up for a month but later decided to try again. He promised to change, and so we moved in together.
He promised to help with housework, and it’s not his first time moving out since he lived alone in an apartment before.
When we moved in, every decision about the apartment suddenly came down to me. From what’s for dinner, which appliance to purchase next, to groceries, cooking, decorating, throwing the garbage, and cleaning the bathroom, all of these became my responsibilities, which left me miserable and exhausted.
I had to beg him to wipe the spills off the counter after making coffee, to wash the shorts he soaked for a month that have dried and turned brown, to wash my cup as well, to stop being condescending, and to stop shouting at the cashier at the pretzel shop for making a simple mistake.
I’m done with this spoiled imbecile who can’t even do the bare minimum. I have become a single mother to a 32-year-old manchild at 29, teaching basic things that he should have known two decades ago.
We shared expenses for most furniture, but then again, those decisions came from my mental load.
I’m the one who put their mind to it, all he did was give me half the cash. After everything I did to improve our quality of life, he dares to “kick me out of the apartment” and tell me I’m the one using him for my benefit, how I was the narcissist in this relationship when we argued due to his bad temper again.
I want to find a better job and move out to a new place alone with my cat and just move on, but this would take months or a year of preparation for me (everything is too expensive and I’m not earning enough). Because I’m the only one carrying the mental load of running the house, I feel like I should keep most of our stuff and just move on.
Letting him keep them would just make me feel more used.
I think he’ll reach out and somehow make a scene as to how he should have a say, but it’s impossible to have a proper adult conversation with him. I’m thinking of getting a loan to give him a half estimate of his shares as a pacifier, but I don’t know if it’s worth it.
So now my final solution is to leave quietly while he’s at work and take all the stuff with me. WIBTJ here if I did this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if you can’t break up amicably because he’s too immature to deal with it, then just move out, take the stuff, but leave him his half of what he paid for it.
You certainly won’t get him to give you your half if you leave it. Just be sure to pay him with a check so you can prove he got his half of the money if he raises a stink about it. Lesson learned. Don’t date children.” Legal-Lingonberry577
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Why complicate the breakup with you taking stuff that he paid half for? It seems like that would lead to an angry blowup that could follow you to wherever you move. Just take your fair share and get out safely.
Find a room to rent that will accept your cat, and build from there. But get out!” dmv-curvy
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk. He showed you exactly who he was for 8 months. You chose to get back together with him and move in with him knowing what he was like.
If he paid for half of something then just because you picked it out doesn’t make it more yours unless you had some agreement. If you want to be done with him and have a quiet exit then taking everything from the apartment while he is gone is not going to do it.
Imagine coming home to a bare apartment. Would you just shrug your shoulders? You say he has a bad temper so how do you think he will react? The fastest and safest thing to do is just walk away with only your items.” Bluemonogi
2. AITJ For Suggesting My Allergic Reaction Prone Housemate Give His Neglected Cat To A Friend?
“My housemate and I moved in together without knowing each other beforehand. He mentioned he had a cat, and I thought I wasn’t allergic. On the day we viewed the apartment, he assured me that if I had any issues with the cat, it wouldn’t have to stay with us.
A few months in, I developed a bad cough and itchy eyes. The doctor said I had a cat allergy. Feeling bad, as I knew my housemate loved his cat, I purchased HEPA filters, a Roomba, and allergen-reducing cat food. I also took Claritin daily, but I still couldn’t sleep due to my allergies.
I informed him, but nothing was ever really done.
My housemate, a medical student, got a significant other and started spending less time with the cat. He vacuumed only about once a month and never maintained the cat dander. When my housemate was home, he often locked the cat out of his room.
I knew the cat wasn’t being brushed either, as I would brush her and see heaps of fur. His cat requires a lot of attention and care, and if no one spends time with her during the day, she keeps me up at night by clawing at my door.
I didn’t think the cat was living its best life, and I also had bad allergies, so I suggested giving the cat to my friend, who loves cats and works from home. My housemate and his significant other had previously mentioned giving the cat to another student, so I thought my suggestion was reasonable.
They responded that they wanted to keep the cat as long as possible. I brought this up several times. In hindsight, I should have addressed the lack of care for the cat earlier, but I knew my housemate had a lot on his plate, so I tried to manage my allergies.
A year later, his significant other lashed out at me, saying she had irritations with me, specifically my suggestion to give away the cat. She told me requesting someone to give their cat away was completely unethical. I explained that he doesn’t maintain cat dander well and doesn’t spend any time with his cat.
I also constantly bring up my allergies.
Am I the jerk for suggesting they give the cat to my friend, who is well-off and works from home?
After this confrontation, my housemate started brushing the cat twice a week and spent 2 to 3 nights a week sleeping at home with her.
However, without asking for permission, he let his significant other’s cat move into his room. My allergies are as bad as ever, and I’m getting no sleep. I asked them to move her cat back to her place, explaining it was disrespectful to bring in another cat while I was highly allergic.
She argued that I shouldn’t have a say if a cat was in his room and claimed her cat wouldn’t affect me because it wasn’t in my room.
I already keep his cat out of my bedroom, yet my allergies are severe.
She offered to clean my room, but I declined, not feeling comfortable with her cleaning it. Frustrated with the fact she would not take my no as an answer three times, I raised my voice. There are so many things they haven’t done to manage the cat allergens, and I don’t understand why they need to clean my room instead of addressing the cat trees and air filters.”
Another User Comments:
“It’s probably best to move out and find a roommate without a cat. Even though they initially suggested it pushing for it could cause tension. You guys aren’t compatible roommates and now he has a significant other to help pay rent.
You aren’t entirely the jerk but you should have communicated better earlier on, he may have not had a significant another move in or bring her cat had you been more communicative and upfront with your issues.” GlitterrGoddess
Another User Comments:
“That sounds like a catastrophe!
It’s rough dealing with allergies and inconsiderate housemates. You tried to be understanding, but they’re not holding up their end of the bargain. It’s fair to be upset, even if your suggestion about the cat was a bit blunt. Sounds like it might be time for a serious chat or even a change of scenery.” Dazzling_Bria
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You agreed to live with a cat. Read your lease: THAT’S what you agreed on. So: Accept the cat, or move out.” Excellent-Count4009
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share Personal News With My Toxic Sister-In-Law?
“Years ago, my husband shared a group message announcing that we were pregnant, BIL’s partner Amber was excluded, and a day later in-laws called and wanted to talk to us about Amber.
My husband and his sister don’t have the best relationship, bad blood between them but cordial. They decided to keep their feud quiet but Amber had found out about it 6m prior. SIL moved states a few months before our announcement but still, Amber decided only after finding out we were pregnant was time to pick sides and to show her support to SIL by not being in any family event if we were present.
My in-laws wanted all of us to split holidays so we could give Amber what she needed, in-laws said they did not agree with Amber but it was coming from a good place.
We split holidays and stayed out of their way, I did not agree with this since I know this has nothing to do with SIL(I’ve noticed Amber gets upset if she is not the center of attention)but I unhappily complied to keep the peace until my baby was 6m old and we were invited to a public event but an hr before it started Amber and BIL texted saying they had found out we were going and we could only be there for an hr and needed leave before they arrive.
But Amber is a client of my husband’s workplace and the week prior she had been there and ran into him several times. I saw red. We told them they had two options, either stay away or not go, this was not a family event, and they had no say.
My in-laws tried something similar the next holiday event, that caused Amber to change her tone pretty quick, she even tried talking to me during the party, but I refused to. Amber decided to host the Christmas party and that we could go. I declined and I got the “who does not forgive becomes the problem” talk.
Amber said she had decided it was time to move past this issue, but she offered no apologies. I am still pretty upset but her behavior and what I know of her makes me fearful and I decided it is best to keep her away, I expressed my fear to my in-laws and they kind of agree but also say she is too small to understand anything Amber says, they fail to understand that allowing my daughter to see her as an aunt will allow Amber to hurt her emotionally or manipulate her in the future.
Recently I had a miscarriage, no one knew about the pregnancy so it was easy to hide the miscarriage but my husband felt his parents needed to know. We got a text from my in-laws asking for permission to tell Amber and BIL because they feel is a way to build understanding and if in the future they find out, they will be hurt for not being told and be allowed to mourn with us, just getting that message was extremely hurtful, MIL kept repeating that we needed to get past the misunderstandings and confusions, I don’t feel like I misunderstood anything but it has been said so many times that now I need an outside perspective and I need to know AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This person just sounds toxic. It doesn’t matter who has done or said whatever or whether she has decided the “feud” is over. She’s just a bad person and should be avoided at all costs. You needn’t tolerate or put up with her just because in-laws want everyone to get along.
Maybe you can get across to in-laws it is not a matter of fixing or forgiving anything — she still is just a sucky person and you’ll stay NC or LC no matter what.” Foolish-Pleasure99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But for the love of god block them.
Get restraining orders if you have to. Just because they’re in-laws or relatives does not obligate you from having to deal with them further considering they’re toxic and abusive and your life should not be wasted being guilted into dealing with toxic people who enjoy antagonizing you with their delusional behavior.
If your husband or his side of the family doesn’t like it then they can become your ex-husband and your ex-in-laws. You’re not obligated to stay married to a guy who’s forcing you to interact with such horrible people.” DietrichDiMaggio
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