People Have Strong Reactions To These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Never Showed Anyone The Portrait I Drew Of Him?
“2 years ago when my (29F) partner (25M) and I just started seeing each other, I made a realistic graphite black and gray portrait of my partner for his birthday.
Frankly, the portrait is the best I have ever done and I would even say it is good.
Yesterday we were brunching with close friends of his (his roommate and another friend) and I am explaining that I got back to drawing thanks to Ink Masters (lol, I know).
His roommate goes “ah? Do you draw?”
Hummm… Yes, you bet I draw, I made the portrait my partner has of him!
His roommate had never seen it. My partner didn’t even have a picture of it on his phone? I ask “but you didn’t even show it to your parents?”
Nope. He didn’t. Has no picture of it. He keeps it in a drawer nobody ever touches. Nobody ever saw that portrait except for like 2 people that I dislike.
I mean, the only worst thing he could have done with it would have been throwing it away.
I got mad. Saying that he never misses an occasion of being disappointed by me but this was an occasion of actually being proud of me. That he doesn’t care about.
He says I am trying to create an argument. But genuinely I think it’s messed up that he didn’t even show it to his parents.
So internet, am I the jerk?
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to believe that he’s required to have some sort of picture on his phone or shown it to specific people. I mean, a gift is a gift, but wouldn’t he be allowed to have some sort of privacy to things as such?
I don’t take pictures of anything my partner gives to me. I realize and understand that you’re above the clouds and proud about it, but keeping it private should not mean that he hates it and doesn’t want to show it to others. By keeping it in a safe space (even if it’s hidden) for that long should probably tell you that he’s keepsaking it.
This kind of perceives as a highly one-sided and conceited view of the drawing.” MeowMeow808
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are emotionally attached to a piece of art. On the one hand, that is understandable. You put time/effort into your creation, and you like the results.
Here’s the problem though. You are expecting other people to be emotionally attached to the art. (WHY?!?!?!?) Your partner for example. Unless he’s a total toad, he’s not going to enjoy looking at pictures of HIMSELF. And he’s certainly not going to make a big deal out of a picture of HIMSELF.
If he acted all proud and showed it to everybody… Other people might make polite comments but they’d also be thinking your partner is just a bit full of himself… A more appropriate gift for his birthday would have been a portrait of his partner.
If it was done well, he probably would have like that and been showing it around to other people like YOU want him to. Expecting him to be emotionally invested in a piece of art just because you created it for him, is not realistic.” DistrictEquivalent79
Another User Comments:
“Soft and kind of YTJ in this situation because gifts shouldn’t have strings attached. You lost the right to control what he does with the artwork after you gifted it to him. I understand that this hurts you and hurts your feelings, but I don’t think you should hold that against him because he thinks of gifts or art differently than you do.
Also, many artists, musicians, crafters, and creators have to learn this the hard way and it totally sucks. Try not to put all of your artistic validation on how someone you care about receives your art. There’s a running joke among knitters about making a sweater for a partner and how it can doom a relationship.
All of us creators understand your hurt feelings but it might be important to reframe (pun intended) your gifts and your art with your partner.” zenia7
21. AITJ For Signing A Lease Without Informing My Friend?
“I (24F) am a mom of a 2-year-old, as well as currently pregnant. I have been attempting to leave my kids’ father as he has been abusive during the duration of our relationship. Over the last year I’ve gotten a job, childcare and have started looking for a new place.
My friend (24F) needs to save money so she offered for us to live together. Immediately I jumped on this, making sure she understood I have two kids. She was okay and I was happy to save money as well as I was planning to become a single mom.
We planned to move in August, since that is when her lease ends, however as we got closer and closer to August plans started to fall off. For example, we planned to just upgrade rooms at her current place, and add me to her lease she told me she would talk to her leasing office for 3 weeks straight.
Every day I would ask for updates and what I needed to do and she would say things like she woke up late, or she was at work, or whatever and didn’t have time.
As we got closer and closer I realized she was not taking this as seriously as me.
She was aware of my reasons for moving out, and I was doing my part but she wasn’t doing hers. I saw this as a red flag and decided well, it’s probably better to stay by myself anyway, to limit walking on eggshells, especially with kids.
I began pursuing new places for myself and decided to let her know I signed a lease.
I texted her saying we won’t be living together and how I needed to think of my kids and how she’s not communicating, and all she replied was “ok”.
This made me upset and I just told her that if she didn’t want to live together she should’ve been honest. She complained about how now she couldn’t save money and how I’m a bad friend, and now she won’t respond to any of my messages at all.
AITJ here for signing a lease without consulting her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She had chance after chance to take care of things on her end and had no follow-through. You have yourself and two kids to take care of and THEY, not your friend, are your priority and responsibility.
Your friend is an adult who needs to act as such.” Busymomintx
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You’re not the jerk for signing the lease (it was right not to move in with her by the way), but you could’ve given her a heads up that you were doing so, you weren’t aware if she was struggling financially, and mentally (not that this excuses her noncommunication), but the adult thing to do at least was to send her a text message stating what you were doing and why.
You didn’t owe it to her because of her lack of communication. She’s the jerk for not giving you any intimation and completely stopping all communications. As another comment said, you should’ve got the ok and got the message, she’s definitely the kind of person who victimizes herself if anyone calls her out.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think that in the long run, you’ll be very glad for the privacy, and it sounds as if you and this friend would not have been a good fit for roommates. Best of luck getting out of the abusive relationship.
Many of us have been there and understand what a huge step you are taking. All our support as you move forward.” IAmHerdingCatz
20. AITJ For Not Having Baby Games On My Phone For My Half-Sister?
“It’s the Fourth of July night and this just happened a few moments ago. I’m sitting in the car with my mom, my stepfather, and my half-siblings. My baby half-sister is screaming, and I mean SCREAMING. Red-faced, leg-kicking fit. She hates being in the car with a passion and she was sick of it.
And I don’t blame her.
I suspect I have autism and I know for a fact that I have trauma with babies and small children but that’s a story for another day and another time.
My stepfather turned around to face me (we were still parked) and we had the following conversation:
Stepfather – “Do you have (this game for my baby half-sister) on your phone?”
Me – “No, I don’t have it.”
Stepfather – “Do you have a phone subscription that I pay for every month?”
Me – “. . .”
Stepfather – “You do realize ‘I don’t have it’ is a lame excuse?”
After that, I went quiet, but I gave my sister a lid to a Tupperware and she was immediately appeased, giggling and smacking her car seat with the lid.
I know it’s not the biggest problem known to man, but something about what he said bothered me.
Should I have baby games on my phone? Or is he asking a lot?”
Another User Comments:
“Your SD is a complete and total jerk! It’s HIS or your mom’s responsibility to make sure that THEY have technology that’s age-appropriate for your HALF-siblings, NOT yours!
There are myriad different tech devices that are GEARED towards babies and toddlers. I’m assuming that you have a smartphone that would probably cost MORE to replace or repair if your baby-Sister ended up damaging yours! All three of my adult children have children of their own (I have 6 grandchildren between them ranging from 4 months to our step-granddaughter who is 16) and ALL of them have age-appropriate tech from tablets to phones that my children make sure are well-charged with portable battery backups for outings when the kids get bored!
NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY or circus! Suggest to your Mother that they find an inexpensive tablet for the car when you go on outings! I truly commend you for your quick thinking in distracting a tired and extremely agitated toddler as well as the BIG toddler (SD) in front!
Best wishes and many Blessings! NTJ.” JipC1963
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Incidentally, to translate from “unclear stepfather who doesn’t know how to talk to autistic people”, what he was saying was “Please download and install this game and let your baby half-sister play it.” When you said “No,” he thought you said, “No, I refuse to download and install this game and let my baby half-sister play it.” And then he said, “Because I pay for the phone subscription, I feel that I have a certain amount of rights in expecting that phone to be occasionally used to the benefit of other people.” And then you didn’t respond, and he backed up and said, “I was expecting you to get the app, rather than that you had the app; merely pointing out that you didn’t have the app at the beginning of the conversation is hardly an excuse since that was the situation I presumed.” And you are absolutely not the jerk for not getting all that, since it would be a stretch for many neurotypicals.
Also, if you HAD understood that conversation, and said that you refused to let your sister play with your phone, that would have been a reasonable position because the baby could have damaged it. That’s why his response was to go to cost – because he was assuming that you were refusing based on potential damage.” IanDOsmond
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No, speaking as someone with autism as well, but around twice your years on this earth I can tell you the comment was out of left field. He asked a question and when you said no he suddenly basically made this a power move game.
It was a jerk move plain and simple on his part. It wasn’t a “lame excuse,” because an “excuse” implies you’ve committed some wrong or failed to do something that was expected of you. However, having some stupid game on your phone was likely never discussed.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Not Lending My Stranded Friend More Money When I Couldn't Afford It?
“I (32f) got a call yesterday that my friend’s (26f) car had broken down halfway to Virginia from our home state Pennsylvania with her twin boys in the back. Around a 5-hour trip one way. She asked me that morning if I could go to her house and grab the $300 she had stashed away there and cash app it to her asap.
Which I did the second I could. (Around 9 am) Later on at night, she called again and said she was still short $160 and asked if she could borrow it. I didn’t have it at the time. I had around $40 to my name and an empty gas tank.
I told her I would call her back last night and let her know how my night went and to see if I could help. I unfortunately had a little too much booze and forgot to call her back last night but the second I woke up, and told her I had no money to give she called me selfish accusing me of only caring about myself when she and her boys were “stranded.” I apologized a lot but she is angry and no longer wants to be friends.
I feel bad that I forgot to call her, but she did inform me while she was yelling at me that she had other people help her out so she and her boys were no longer stranded.
I also told her last night that I would not guarantee that I would be able to help.
She was yelling at me and told me that I could have at least sent her $20. So now I’m caught feeling like the jerk when another part of me feels like I’m not. So! AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You can’t give what you don’t have.
You helped her out in the way you could by going to her house to get the money. She should have made sure that her car was worthy of such a long trip and also that she had enough money to cover any emergencies whilst she was gone.” Scarlettohara1605
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did a good thing going over to her house and cashapping that money for her. However, I will say this and I know a lot of people don’t like it, but this type of situation is exactly what an emergency credit card is for.
You don’t need a high-limit credit card, just one that would get you out of a jam, maybe $500 or $700. People don’t always have money lying around and people are struggling.” sweetdeelights
18. AITJ For Wanting To Step Down As Bridesmaid Due To Dress Change?
“One of my best friends, “Ashley” is getting married in about a month. I am a new mother (I have a three-month-old baby) and am one of the six bridesmaids. Ashley had initially planned on wearing an off-the-shoulder wedding dress she had immediately loved from a boutique.
So our bridesmaid dress was a dress with long, flowy sleeves. They were supposed to arrive this week.
Now, Ashley has found her grandmother’s gorgeous wedding dress. The thing is, it has long lace sleeves. So in order to complement it, she decided that the bridesmaids would wear a sleeveless (with a spaghetti strap) dress.
Now, the thing is, my arms have become very flabby, and I feel uncomfortable wearing a dress that shows them off.
I immediately called Ashley to ask if she could change the bridesmaid dresses to something with sleeves or let me wear a similar one with some, but she has already bought them and paid for them.
They arrived yesterday.
I don’t think I’ll be comfortable in that dress, nor do I want to stand out by wearing something with different sleeves. I’m thinking of stepping down as bridesmaid, but my sister thinks that that would be unfair to the bride as there are only three weeks left for the wedding, plus, it’s important for the number of bridesmaids to be even (6).
So, WIBTJ if I stepped down?”
Another User Comments:
“Mmmm… slippery slope… My opinion is this: Why are you doggin on yourself? Flabby arms? You just had a baby! You’re a mom, a lot of things go flabby after that, and guess what? It’s beautiful because you’re a MOM!!
You get to raise an awesome little human. I have insecurities too, I totally get it, I have some jiggly thighs, and I never wear shorts or anything above the knee. However, if I had to, I would embrace it. I am who I am in that respect, and I’m gonna love every inch of it, even if I think it’s jiggly….
You are who you are, and you’re a mom now, all of that is beautiful. Wouldn’t you want your child to love themselves as they are? You gotta project that self-love, and your kids will emulate that. As my ma always said, monkey see, monkey do, ya know?
Haha. So… I say put on the dress, stand there with pride, and have an amazing time! You’ll look fantastic!!!” Gordy13210
Another User Comments:
“I had a friend drop out about four weeks before the wedding and it really damaged the friendship. She also decided she felt too self-conscious and didn’t want people touching her hair and face during prep – even though I’d been really clear I was quite happy for people to do their own hair and makeup if that’s what they preferred. There were also other massive frustrations at that stage.
I was already super stressed, but I’d also paid for everything! So I was tied into hair and makeup for that many people, I’d paid for a bouquet for her. We’d agreed the table plan which then needed to change because she decided that if she wasn’t a bridesmaid her husband could come – despite RSVPing no for him previously because of childcare issues.
Honestly, I do get it, but I felt so let down at that point and could barely talk to her at the wedding. We do talk now but it’s taken a while to get back on track. Do I think being a bridesmaid is everything?
No. Would I have loved to have had her there on my team on the day, yeah. Honestly, if you can, I would follow through with it, but I’m not going to call you a jerk because body issues are real, especially post-baby and she has changed dresses on you suddenly.” heggy48
Another User Comments:
“Going against the grain to say slight ESH. Like, for the bride to decide that last minute that she had to change her dress, thereby changing yours, is kinda crappy. The only credit she gets there is that she paid for the dresses.
However, like other comments have said, no one will care what your arms look like. It’s about the bride and groom, not you. What if she had picked out strapless dresses in the first place? What would you have done then? Part of being a bridesmaid is wearing what the bride wants, which you knew when you accepted. It will definitely strain the relationship, which is something only you can decide if it’s worth having this be the hill to die on.
I know people saying it’s not fair of the bride because OP has PPD and just had a baby 3 months ago, however, the bride has most certainly been planning this wedding much longer than those issues became present. The world doesn’t stop because OP had a baby, and the world doesn’t stop for Ashley’s wedding either.” Dcc456
17. AITJ For Only Taking My Youngest Brother On A Trip To Grieve Our Father's Death?
“I (23F) have four younger siblings, aged 9, 11, 15 and 18 respectively. Only one of these guys is fully related to me, and it’s the 9-year-old, who we’ll call Mark.
The rest all have different fathers, and while this doesn’t bother me in how I feel about them, it’s relevant to the context.
In February this year, my father passed away. We weren’t the closest, but still had enough of a relationship that of course I did (and still do) grieve.
Mark, being a child, took it worse than I did, he lost a lot of friends at school because he wasn’t interested in playing, he’s isolating himself, etc. I decided just a few weeks ago that I was going to go on a 5-day trip up country to try and clear my head, and that I’d bring Mark with me.
There are a few fun things up there (petting zoos, beaches, stores, etc) so he’s pretty excited about it. My mother, on the other hand, thinks that it’s ‘bad of me to only be taking Mark’ and that ‘in her opinion, it shows favoritism’ – and since she’s told my other siblings about the trip, the 11-year-old has been crying about not being able to go.
The 15/18-year-olds aren’t really bothered, which isn’t surprising. Of course I feel bad about not taking my 11-year-old sister, but at the same time, this isn’t supposed to be a babysitting family holiday. I really intended it to be a few days for me and Mark to spend time together since we’re going through the same thing.
Mark has shown no real opinion on our sister coming, even when I asked, he just kinda went ‘I dunno.’
My mother has been adamant though that I would be selfish and cruel to leave my sister with how badly she wants to go – but I’m really not sure about it, I don’t want to be watching multiple kids.
At the same time, I don’t want to cause any sort of bitterness or hatred between Mark and her.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your mom to back off, then go to your 11-year-old sister and explain the situation. Explain that it’s something Mark really needs because he’s having a really hard time.
Explain that it’s about having time to grieve and not having a happy fun time. I know it goes against every rule of being a big sister, but be vulnerable to your baby sister. Let her know that this is something you’re also having a hard time with.
Let her know that it’s not about keeping her from having a good time, but how her having a good time might get in the way of you and Mark having time to confront and or comfort your grief. Appeal to her role as Mark’s older sister and tell her that she’s doing a good job of helping Mark by giving him the space he needs to process this.
And if your mom keeps trying to guilt trip you, tell her to back off again.” CatNSchrodinger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not taking Mark on a special trip because he is your bio sibling. You are taking him on a special trip because he (like you) just lost his father, and he needs some special attention right now.
It is understandable that an 11-year-old does not appreciate a loss she has not experienced, and how she is just feeling left out. (It is less understandable how your mother does not appreciate the situation.) It is also understandable that taking two kids on a five-day trip feels like more responsibility than you signed up for.
You need to sit down with the 11-year-old, be honest and kind, and stress how much you love her. ASK her what she wants to do with you that can be a special thing for just the two of you. It’s amazing how much children can feel secure just by giving them some control back.” ImaginaryAnts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You have every right to want to spend some bonding time with just your brother (regardless of circumstances) and given the current situation, this is something that is of even more importance to you both. A possible way to appease Mom & avoid your sister feeling hurt while still allowing your current trip to happen the way you’d like would be, if things allow for it down the road, to offer to your sister that just you and her could go on her own special trip some other time?” Magix402
16. AITJ For Telling My Daughter To Stop Complaining About Her School Where I Work?
“The other day I was getting ready from work when my oldest daughter (I am a mom of three) came into my room. She said good morning and we talked for a while, which was fine.
Then she started complaining about how she had been up late because of schoolwork. She kept complaining about how much she didn’t like the school and their teachers, and I was offended.
I work at the school she attends and did not like her negative and ungrateful attitude.
I told her this and she tried to make excuses about how the teachers’ views were outdated and sexist. This was enough for me as I had already asked her to stop, and I told her to go downstairs before she ruined my morning. My daughter started to question my decision, but I pointed at the door and said she had to leave.
I thought the situation was over, but she brought it up again after dinner, saying that my comment about her ruining my morning had been upsetting. I was frustrated that she wanted an apology and told her she would not be getting one because I am allowed to say these things and think I should.
She asked me if I would try to say it more nicely next time. This was disrespectful, and I told her she can’t tell me how to speak and that I would likely say the same thing next time.
So, AITJ for asking my daughter to go downstairs?
She is seventeen and people won’t want to be around her if she doesn’t lose the negative attitude.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but to yourself. A 17yo child doesn’t always open up to their parent. It’s on you to lose the thin skin and be open and inviting, so as to foster communication.
“She asked me if I would try to say it more nicely next time.” This was disrespectful. She was working toward a solution. She respected your ability to work toward one with her. Evidently, she gave you too much respect. She’ll make her way in this world with or without you at her back.
I’m not worried about her. I’m worried about you. You’re trapped inside yourself and can’t get out. How tall did you say your horse was?” billlevansatmariposa
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. That ‘negative attitude’ is her expressing her frustrations with the poor treatment she is receiving from other adults in her life.
Too bad that they’re your coworkers, she’s your daughter. Maybe instead of dismissing her concerns as ‘negativity’ you should genuinely consider whether they’re valid. My guess is you know that they are sexist and have outdated views and can’t defend them but like your coworkers so you just shut her down.
You’re a bad parent (in this instance). Listen to your child when they’re trying to have a serious conversation with you (even if it makes you uncomfortable) or they’ll never share their concerns with you again.” Lil_lib_snowflake
Another User Comments:
“So, just because you work at the school your daughter attends, you know exactly how all her teachers behave when they stand before her class? YTJ. You send your daughter away when she wanted to share her feelings about the school and its teachers? When you sent her away, she probably knew she can’t come to you with bigger issues, imagine her being bullied and you’re unwilling to listen?
Or her partner breaks up with her and she has a broken heart? Whether it ruins your morning or not, you have chosen to be a parent. This means you should always be there for them and support them when there’s something bothering them. As a parent, you should have said something like “can we discuss this later today, at dinner?” if you didn’t want to hear it at that moment or didn’t have the time.
You should definitely apologize, because this encounter might shape how she feels about you in the future.” Dork86
15. AITJ For Supporting My Mum's Decision To Kick Out My Rebellious Older Sister?
“I come from a very religious and ethnic background. My dad left the country when I was 12 and since then my mom started to work as a single mom to pay the bills.
This is when one of my older sisters ‘X’ started to act up. She would constantly go out and do things that were essentially against everything my parents brought us up with, drinking, coming home in the am, doing substances, etc.
Over the years this has brought my mother a lot of stress.
She has never shunned my sister or tried to force religion upon her but she has asked that my sister be more considerate and help out more through getting a job and paying for food or rent. My Sister X who is 25 still lives in our house and is always asking my mum for money which we don’t really have as my mum has 3 jobs and no surplus income.
My mum finally snapped after my sister decided to come home at 3 am obviously intoxicated and woke up my younger siblings due to her banging on the door, so she collected my sister’s things and told her she needed to leave. We decided to have a family meeting and I decided to back my mum’s ideas of kicking ‘X’ out.
My younger sisters argued with me though saying that I only agreed because X and I didn’t have the best relationship, but I’ve seen how stressed and broken my mum has become due to X so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, it’s your mother’s decision as the parent.
You are allowed to have an opinion of your own, but any decision is hers alone to make. So you’re not responsible for whatever happens. Second, regardless of whatever beliefs you and your family have, your older sister is being a disrespectful child. 25 and depending on her single mother for handouts while partying?
She 100% earned her boot in the butt through her own actions. Is old enough to have a job and take care of herself already.” Castle_of_Aaaaaaargh
Another User Comments:
“So, you are 20 and your sister is 25. Your dad left you at 12 and she was 17.
Then your sister started acting up. Was she close to your dad? Did it ever occur to your mother that her acting up is a cry for help? That your sister is struggling? Maybe with mental health issues. Her father left her and mom just seemed to completely ignore her.
Clearly doesn’t get along with mom’s favorite child. How did your mother help her deal with her father leaving? Or did she just do what every other parent does when a parent leaves: ignore the kids, don’t talk to them, and be like they are resilient and they will get over it and bounce back then get shocked when their kids go down the wrong path after they ignored them.
Your sister didn’t turn out this way for no reason. Sounds like she got hurt and no one cared and now she dealing with her pain in the wrong way. Your claim your mother is broken, did it ever occur to either of you two that your sister is also broken?
You and Mum have each other. Who does she have? Also, do you financially contribute to the house? I am going with ESH. Dad sucks for leaving. Mom sucks for what seems like not paying attention to her child and helping her when it was obvious she needed it.
You suck for being a mummy’s girl. Your sister sucks but the least because sounds like she is in pain and no one cares.” Purple-Raven1991
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister isn’t a child anymore. She is a 25-year-old adult. She is a leech, from the sounds of it.
The only way she is ever going to learn is to hit rock bottom. That means, your mom is going to have to put up some hard boundaries. Your mom has been enabling this behavior for years, and it sounds like she is done. I get that this is a shock to your younger siblings, but they will benefit from your sister being gone.
It sounds like your home life might become way more stable.” Emotional_Fan_7011
14. AITJ For Refusing To Pay More Rent Because I Paid Off My Student Loans And My Partner Hasn't?
“I’ve spent the last 3 years out of college paying off my student loans. Last month was my last payment and in 3 years I’ve paid off 67k of student loans.
I’m super happy and finally able to buy what I want now. I bought AirPods and makeup since everything I own is expired. Most of my clothes are from high school so I’m buying a professional wardrobe too and I’m buying a new mountain bike soon too.
My partner and I make similar incomes (57k and 54k) so we split rent and utilities equally but now he wants me to pay more since I don’t have debt and he still does. He has ~70k in student loans he hasn’t made a dent in and he also has a 15k car loan whereas I bought mine in cash.
So he is upset because most of his money is going into paying his car and student loans but I can buy stuff now. But before I lived like a monk and he bought stuff.
He has a PS5 and a much nicer car than me so I feel like he chose to pay for those things rather than pay off his loans and now that I’m debt-free he wants me to pay for him so he can continue to have disposable income.
I told him it’s up to him to pay for the loans since I’m not benefiting from them he is and we are making similar amounts so there isn’t any reason to change how we split rent but he wants me to pay $300 more a month since that’s how much he pays towards his student loans and it’s not fair I no longer have to pay it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You spent the last 3 years effectively managing your money, and you were quite successful. You were paying your loans (likely much higher than the required monthly payment) and still managing your equal share of rent and utilities. Your partner spent the last 3 years paying his loans, but spending unnecessarily and wracking up more debt for himself while paying his equal share.
It is solely his responsibility to take care of his debt and learn how to be more responsible with his money. Don’t let him be irresponsible with your money too. CONGRATULATIONS ON PAYING OF YOUR LOANS!! That’s a HUGE feat!!” Difficult-Bell-6924
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Op. And I’d also add that if you start this kind of financial concession now, you’ll establish a precedent for the rest of your relationship. You sound more fiscally responsible than your partner, which isn’t that big a deal right now.
But further down the line when it comes to, maybe, mortgages, maternity (or insert large financial commitment of your choice), and future financial planning, his skewed sense of priorities (nice car, large debt) will drive you nuts. And will potentially be a huge wedge between you.
I’ve been where you are now, and I advise you to curb any ideas he has that you’ll pick up his financial slack. If he doesn’t like it, then that probably doesn’t bode well for future, larger issues.” salstanonreddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – at first I’m going to be honest I was thinking like how cold-hearted is it to say no when someone is struggling, but by the end of it I realized that you made sacrifices to accomplish a goal while he didn’t, and now he wants you to sacrifice more for him just because he refuses to be responsible with his finances.
I would absolutely not do that, in fact, I would probably tell him straight up “do yourself a favor and sell your car to buy a cheap one, pay off your remaining balance on the car, and then start working towards your student loans. We aren’t married, and that type of mindset is incredibly selfish coming from you.” “I sacrificed for years to be able to have spending money now until you do so we will not have this conversation.” I would advise not listening to people who automatically assume you should break up because we don’t know if he is willing to listen, but if he honestly doubles down on this I do think you need to reevaluate the relationship because it’s clear he doesn’t see a problem with his finances, and is unwilling to make changes for himself.
I call that financial immaturity. The first step is always changing your finances before you ask for help.” GreatOneLiners
13. AITJ For Being Upset At My Partner's Obsession With My Past Relationships?
“I (22F) have a partner (21M). During the last months, he constantly asked about previous relationships or two one-night stands I had when we didn’t even have contact. It angered me because I answered all his questions and said that talking about this makes me uncomfortable and I’m ashamed of it but he still kept asking the same questions (Why did it happen, how was it, etc, was it good, why was I engaged to my ex).
He then told me it would be weird for him that I was engaged to my ex because my partner wouldn’t be the first one I said yes to if he proposed at one point.
That was enough for me, I told him that it makes me sick that he just can’t let the whole topic go even though he knows it makes me uncomfortable.
It is super weird to ask me all those questions, because my past has nothing to do with him and that he sounds very insecure when he keeps asking the same things over and over again and that I feel like an object that’s ‘used’ because my ex proposed and I said yes in the past.
He tried to justify it by saying that he just wants to understand me better by asking about my past and that I always try to avoid his questions, he just wants an answer. Also, he wouldn’t view me as an object but the act of engaging someone and hates the fact that my ex and I got to this point.
(he hates him) Also, he said I’m overreacting and totally misunderstood him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You “avoiding his questions” is him violating your boundaries and being pushy. He has a right to ask questions, but he doesn’t have a right to an answer and if he keeps asking that is wrong.
Also, his reasoning about the engagement being an object, not you is ridiculous. If that were the case, then it’s not his object to worry about. But that’s not the thing he’s upset about, he’s upset that you’ve “belonged” to somebody else. That’s not ok of him.
Hon, this degree of obsession and possessiveness is a giant red flag. Get out now and be glad he’s showing it this early.” EwokCafe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ while your partner is a huge jerk. Why can’t he respect you? This screams red flag to me.
I think it’s normal to talk about previous relationships if you both feel comfortable and interested, but clearly, here it is not the case. Like my partner and I never really talked about previous relationships, I only had one before him so that’s not much to talk about, but still didn’t want to go into detail and I also didn’t really care about how many partners she had and how many times she slept with a girl or was it good.
Like what? The past is the past, you live in the now. I am sorry but you should really consider being in a relationship with him because the fact that he has no boundaries and can’t respect you is really not okay.” liliphdr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I want you to run, not walk out of this relationship. I have been in a relationship like this in the past and I promise it will get worse. It starts off with questions (though he’s never happy with your response regardless of what you say), then he will check your messages and emails behind your back (he might gaslight you and blame that your lack of “proper” response caused him to do it), then even physical harm because you’re “his” property now.
I hope this doesn’t happen to you, but most guys like this end up the same. Praying for you, please get out, he’s toxic.” Direct_Oil_6473
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For My Partner's Share Of Our Vacation?
“My partner and I have been together for 2 years and we haven’t been on a holiday together due to quarantine. We want to go to Hawaii but of course it’s expensive. I can afford it but my partner makes about half what I do and it secretly bothers me he has no motivation.
He works and then sits there and plays video games all day until bed. We have tons of new jobs in the area that pay $3-4 more for a similar retail job as he is working now and I’ve told him about them or asking his current boss for a raise but he refuses to do anything because “it’s too much trouble”.
I am the primary breadwinner in our relationship and I pay for around 70% of everything. But at the same time, he has a job and isn’t a substance addict or heavy drinker so I try not to push it since it could be worse.
But I think a holiday isn’t a necessity so he should pay his own way. He is upset because the $1000 airfare is more than he can afford and wants me to make up the difference for him. Not to mention the hotel and other travel costs.
I’ve mentioned just staying in state and hiking in our nearby national parks but he claims he deserves a holiday and wants me to pay what he can’t afford.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You don’t seem to like or respect this guy.
The warmest thing you have to say about him is “he’s not a substance addict or heavy drinker”. Not everyone is ambitious, and that’s OK; if you want to be with someone who is, you should be with someone else instead of not-so “secretly” resenting your partner and finding passive-aggressive ways to try and get him to change.
He’s not entitled to you footing the majority of the bill for Hawaii, but I mean, it sounds like you want to go and can afford to pay a share proportional to income. If you want to go on a cheaper trip that you’d enjoy less with someone you have little respect for, I guess you’re entitled to do so.
But it’s not very nice, either to him or to yourself.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re both adults and can equally split the cost of the holiday. Ask him for a good time to plan the trip, and make a list of all the activities you want to do together.
Split the list in 2 and you can each research the costs. Total the cost, divide by 2. You can each decide how much money to save per month and when to go based on how long it will take you to save for the trip. While we’re at it, let your partner know that in 3 months, you’ll only be able to contribute 50% to rent, utilities & groceries.
If he asks why, you can tell him there are things you want to start saving for: school, car, home, rainy day, whatever you want. Stop working your backside off for someone who isn’t even willing to contribute their share.” YabbaYabbaDooo
Another User Comments:
“I had an ex like this a few years ago, and I did pay the difference for a holiday.
I regret it; he didn’t appreciate it at all and wasted my hard-earned money. The next trip I told him to pay for himself 100% because the trip was going to be expensive even for me to pay for just myself (Japan, which for me was to visit family but he wanted to come with), and while he did find the money to go (mostly thanks to a GoFundMe he started for the holiday) he still complained about how I wouldn’t pay for food and other stuff for him while we were there (and had the audacity to do it in front of my English-speaking parents because he smugly but incorrectly thought he had a point, which did NOT endear him to them).
That made me decide that I was never going on a holiday with him again, which soon led me to reevaluate the whole relationship. Hence: ex. NTJ. You offered an alternative he can afford but he feels entitled to what he can’t. A holiday in your own state is still a holiday.” jpnam_sabreist
11. AITJ For Applying For A Guide Dog Despite My Partner's Disapproval?
“I (27F), am experiencing vision loss, I am not totally blind yet but it’ll happen eventually. My partner (27F) doesn’t like dogs much, there is no allergy or anything there and she is not afraid of them she just doesn’t like them.
I am struggling in my day-to-day life and know a guide dog would help me and my GP has advised I apply for one.
My partner and I don’t live together yet but we have discussed it, she didn’t want me to apply for the guide dog as she didn’t want to live with a dog, saying I could learn to make do with just the long cane.
I could probably learn eventually yes and will likely get one too but a guide dog would be much easier for me especially as I’m transitioning. This is not a pet so I do not think it is the same as just getting a dog just because I want one.
I ended up applying for the guide dog anyway and am waiting on approval and she is angry with me I understand she doesn’t want a dog but as we’re not living together yet and also a thing I need for my day-to-day life I don’t feel I did anything wrong by following my GP’s advice.”
Another User Comments:
“Okay, is this serious? You are facing a slow decline and want help and your partner isn’t supportive because she (checks notes) doesn’t love dogs? This is the most selfish thing I’ve ever heard. You have every right to apply for and get the help you need. She can like it or lump it.
Her preferences have ZERO standing in your safety, health, and emotional well-being. Good luck with everything. I’m sorry about your vision, but I’m glad you’re planning now to build the skills and systems you need to thrive despite this big change. NTJ x (infinity).” Apotheuncary
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A guide dog will give you your independence back more than using a cane will. I would advise learning how to use a cane as well though as there maybe times you need to leave the dog at home. You didn’t say what country you are in but I know not all dogs (in the UK) are escalator trained so you might need to either change route or leave the dog at home sometimes.
I’m not seeing any reasons why you want to stay with her (not saying there aren’t any but you haven’t listed them), I would take a good look at your relationship and decide if you see a future with her – I doubt you will.
(Just realized I have used the word see a lot, I have worked with quite a few people who are blind and they use it all the time as some phrases don’t work as well avoiding that word.)” OwnedByACrazyCat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your GP thinks a guide dog could help you, and you are comfortable with this, then do it.
There’s a huge difference between getting a trained guide dog because you need one and going to the shelter and getting a puppy because you want one. You don’t need your partner’s permission here. If she’s adamant about not living with a dog, then you all may have to negotiate that, but honestly, this sounds like it may be a fundamental incompatibility.
She’s ok telling you that she doesn’t want you to have this particular type of assistance because she doesn’t like it. She is ok with you continuing to struggle in your daily life due to your disability so that her wishes (not needs, as it doesn’t appear she’s allergic or extremely fearful, etc.) can be accommodated. This is incredibly self-centered behavior.” epithet_grey
10. AITJ For Wanting Custody Of My Son After Recovering From Postpartum Psychosis?
“I gave my ex full custody of my son when he was only 3 months old.
At the time I had undiagnosed postpartum psychosis which was getting progressively worse so I thought I was protecting my son. I believe my ex and his family knew something was wrong and they took advantage of the situation to get my son.
I’m doing much better now and I want my son back.
I hired a lawyer who is helping me get back into his life. I never tried to speak to my ex before hiring a lawyer because I don’t trust him and I’m still angry at him.
My ex contacted me a few days ago and asked me to meet him.
I only agreed because he said he would bring our son.
He never brought our son and instead made me feel like crap for immediately getting a lawyer involved before speaking to him. He claims I’m being selfish and not thinking about what is best for our son.
He kept telling me he cared about me and wanted what was best for our family but I was a stranger to our son and he wouldn’t let me take him away from him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Do not meet up with him without your lawyer present.
You don’t want to do or say anything that could threaten your ability to ask for custody, and it’s a highly charged situation. I don’t know about law enough to know if not even sending a message first could have had a negative effect on your claim for custody, but from a human point of view: your ex raised your son by himself after you left and suddenly he gets a message from a lawyer saying that you want to go to court for custody, without even knowing you wanted to return to his (your son’s life).
How he acted, lying about taking your son to you on that meeting and then not taking him, might not have been the best idea, but introducing you to him without both adults having even the smallest conversation first doesn’t seem like a good idea either.
You’ve been missing for god knows how long, and we don’t know what your mental state was the last time he saw you. Wanting to talk to you first and evaluate the situation seems like a reasonable choice.
Going back into your son’s life is going to be a progressive process, you are a stranger to him and you won’t go from that to mommy overnight.
Patience will do more good than bad. Future meetings should be through lawyers or with them present, as you both don’t seem to be in a state to communicate in a manner that will set you both up for a good co-parenting relationship.
Also, the reasoning of why you don’t trust him could be heavily colored by the situation surrounding your psychosis.
This excerpt “At the time I had undiagnosed postpartum psychosis which was getting progressively worse so I thought I was protecting my son. I believe my ex and his family knew something was wrong and they took advantage of the situation to get my son” is highly worrying and speaks of your ex and his family acting to protect your son from your psychosis, not steal him from you.
That is something that should be carefully evaluated by everyone commenting before they start giving NTJ verdicts. The ex’s point of view could be really different and highly eye-opening.” Slow-Bumblebee-8609
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and I’m assuming there is quite a lot of info missing from the story.
He somehow “tricked” you. But you yourself said you had psychosis. Do you feel that your son would have been safe had you been allowed to keep him? It sounds like dad protected his son, and then years later you come out of nowhere demanding custody without even talking to anyone about it.
Why would you expect him to bring the child? He (presumably) hasn’t seen or met you since you got better. For all he knew you could still be suffering from your mental condition.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Family lawyer here. It is irrelevant if she spoke to him first, he is not going to just hand the child off to a parent after a 17-month mental health-related abandonment.
The court is likely to require either a psychiatric evaluation or pretty hefty evidence from her docs that she is stable now. In many states, her parental rights can be completely terminated based on the child’s young age and the length of her absence.
She has a hard climb ahead, which will likely begin with only supervised contact, and if all goes well, end with shared custody.” MarionberryOld378
9. AITJ For Not Dropping My Plans To Pick Up An Intoxicated Girl I'm Seeing?
“I (29m) had been talking to (a little more than that) a girl (27f) for about a month, and things were generally going pretty well.
She was a bit clingy, but that’s ok, I’m into that.
I work overnights, so my schedule is vastly different from my friends. I don’t get to see them that much. But I was seeing her fairly often. We’d hang out like 3 times a week, sometimes in the morning, and sometimes at night if I didn’t have work.
She is on leave right now because of family stuff, so her schedule is wide open. But all of my friends have jobs.
Last week, I had 3 days off (we recently switched to 10-hour shifts). So my best friend and I made plans for Thursday night at some point on Monday (he and I have been friends since grade school).
Things are going just fine, and she says she’s going to go out with one of her friends for a drink. Ok cool, have fun and be safe.
So Thursday rolls around, and she comes over in the morning. I mention that my buddy is coming over later, and she says ok cool, and then leaves.
I go to bed. I wake up and ask my buddy if he’s still coming, he says yes. Ok cool, I shower up and take the dog out.
She’s texting me in the meantime, completely intoxicated. Everything is misspelled, she kept saying “lamp” over and over again.
Asks me if I can help them grab a lamp. I find this hilarious and say yeah let’s go get this lamp. Then radio silence. 5 minutes later she calls me. It’s her friend on the other end. She sounds completely fine, but I’m assuming she had some to drink as well.
The conversation went like this:
Friend – “your girl is intoxicated and wants a ride from you.”
Me – “Well I really can’t right now so-”
Hung up on.
Ok fine, I was going to say maybe I could leave in a few minutes after my buddy gets here or… better yet, just get an Uber, or a Lyft, or a taxi.
The night goes on, and my buddy and I are chilling playing some PlayStation. She texts me at like 2 in the morning saying how much of a red flag it is that I didn’t come and get her. I texted back saying it’s a red flag to me that you got yourself in a situation and expected me to drop everything I was doing to bail you out, and didn’t even attempt to get an Uber or a Lyft for you and your friend.
Now don’t get me wrong, if it was a REAL emergency, I would have been there. Like her car broke down, or she needs to go to the hospital or something. I’d be there for sure.
But this just seems like you’re doing adult stuff and not handling your stuff.
If you go out and are expecting to get intoxicated and shouldn’t drive, you should have a plan to get home. Even if you went there with the intention of being able to leave, you should have figured out how to go if you can’t.
That just seems irresponsible to me, and being mad at me for having plans that I didn’t wanna drop just seems ridiculous.
And before it gets brought up, yes she had money for a ride for both of them. If she didn’t, I would have just sent her some.
But she did.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ of course not. I suspect she thinks you are more involved than you actually are and this may have been a ‘test’ run. Or – she’s burnt all her other bridges. Either way, her friend could’ve called a cab/uber/whatever, too and you were otherwise unavailable.
Yeah, I’d be rethinking your whole *waves arms around* situation here.” thegloracle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She knew you had plans & that you wouldn’t be available (plus didn’t even contact you directly to ask, had her friend do it who immediately hung up on you when you said you were busy).
You’re right she’s an adult and made an adult decision to go out & drink so she should have planned to find a ride. Does she usually call you for rides when she’s drinking?? Just confused about why that was her only plan.” Objective-Rain9583
Another User Comments:
“She wasn’t prepared with her own backup plan for something like this, and expecting you to grab her was extremely entitled. I think you are NTJ.” PeepaPerfect
8. AITJ For Reporting My Neighbor's Illegal Chicken Coop Due To My Phobia?
“I realize this makes me sound absolutely crazy town bonkers but I hate chickens.
I had a traumatic experience with a rooster when I was a kid and nearly lost an eye (needed surgery, ~20 stitches, permanently scarred), and ever since I have had a severe phobia of/rage for chickens.
I just bought a house in the suburbs and I specifically bought a house in a town that has an ordinance against keeping chickens.
My realtor thought I was nutters because this was one of my “must haves” — must have NO CHICKENS.
Whelp, my next-door neighbor just started building a chicken coop. Our houses are close together, we have no fence between us, and I am absolutely not here for this chicken nonsense.
I asked my neighbor what they were doing, they want to start keeping chickens. I asked them not to, they tried to compromise by promising that they’d keep the chickens in their yard (how? no fence!). They were polite but basically told me to back off and that they would be getting chickens and it wasn’t my business.
I absolutely understand on one hand. People are afraid of dogs but if my neighbor tried to tell me I couldn’t have a dog, I’d tell them to back off too. BUT!! I’d never move to a town that forbids dogs, and this town has an ordinance that explicitly forbids having chickens.
I am thinking about calling code enforcement or the cops or whoever enforces these code/zoning rules & diming out my neighbor’s chickens. If they wanted to live out their yeehaw small farm dreams they should have picked a more rural area to live in.
Would I be the jerk for siccing the law on my neighbors for their illicit chickens?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you want to be a narc, here is some advice from a narc… Keep in mind that a lot of people have cameras. You might want to get a friend of a friend to act this out so there is camera proof.
Don’t use a close friend, they could be identified later. When they have been gone for several hours, whether at work or at the Farmers Market, say that while you were outside, maybe getting the mail, or checking something in the yard or sacrificing a chicken, someone asked you about the thing your neighbors are building in the backyard.
Obviously, you were forthright and told the stranger that your neighbors are building a chicken coop. Now that your cover story is in place, you report their chicken coop. They will totally not think it’s you. You can even be aghast with horror when you find out that someone has reported their coop.” KPinCVG
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Funny because when I was buying my house, I also looked into chicken laws, but because I was thinking about keeping them. As another commenter pointed out, times are tough and they may need the chickens to help with food costs so I’m hesitant to call them jerks for that.
But they are a jerk for not taking your concerns seriously. Would a fence change your mind? The chickens might not be as bad as you think, if there are no roosters. Maybe you could talk to them about putting up a fence. But ultimately NTJ even if you do call.” Bettye_Wayne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have chickens they are awesome and my neighbors are super cool about it, they love the sounds they make. But chickens come with issues and if my neighbours complained, I’d have to get rid of them. They make a ton of noise, which can be difficult if you want to sleep while they crow about laying eggs.
They will destroy all plants they have access to and will try to dig under or jump over fences to get at more The mess they make can and will attract rats, though they will kill the rats if they get the chance And they can attract snakes.
I love my chickens but if you don’t want to live next to them you shouldn’t have to. If you complain to your local government or whoever set the chicken rule they will come out and either tell your neighbor not to have them or fine them for doing it anyway.
Or they will at least give you the number of the person who will enforce it. Don’t call the police, this is not a police issue.” ImpossibleBlanket
7. AITJ For Calling Out My Wife's Hypocrisy About AAP Recommendations?
“My mother-in-law, wife, and I were having dinner while our 5-month-old baby was sleeping. The topic comes up when Grandma mentions how sometimes the baby wakes up because either one of his legs or arms gets “stuck” between the spaces of the crib.
My mother-in-law talks about how if we were to put a bumper crib or a breathable mesh so his extremities wouldn’t go in between the spaces.
This is when my wife says the AAP, American Academy of Pediatrics, cautions against using that type of stuff.
I answer by saying that’s simply a recommendation at the end of the day we as parents make the decision of whether or not to follow their advice. Then my wife proceeds to say that she is just following what’s best/safe for the baby and so should I.
I took it as a hit, to which I answered you shouldn’t pick and choose which recommendations you should follow from the AAP.
My wife asks what I mean, to which I reply with this question: What’s the recommendation for having the baby sleep with us in bed?
She says they caution against it, then I say so why don’t we follow their advice there? My wife answers because we want to get some sleep. We spiral and at the end, she asks why am I being a jerk with her?”
Another User Comments:
“Please follow the latest safe sleep recommendations. ABCs – alone, back, and crib/bassinet/pack-n-play. Crib bumpers (even the mesh ones) aren’t recommended. I thought I was being safe using a mesh bumper. My son managed to get himself underneath the bumper and it was covering his face.
Thank god I checked the monitor and quickly removed it. Babies will eventually learn how to navigate their cribs, bumpers aren’t safe.” NickelPickle2018
Another User Comments:
“You can get pegboard, sand it smooth and put a breathable fun colored fabric over it, and attach it to the crib on the inside to stop the baby’s arms and legs from getting stuck.
Or start swaddling which worked wonders for my son when he was small. But please stop your wife from sleeping with the baby in the bed! She can get a small bassinet and put it next to the bed if she must but never in the bed with the parents.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Your wife is right. Bumper pads are dangerous & SIDS is real. She’s also right to ask why are you being a jerk to her? You are right about sleeping with the baby, but did not have to be a jerk about it.
You apparently have been doing it, so aren’t really against it. You just wanted to be a jerk to YOUR WIFE and mother of your child! You both need to know that baby is too young to be sleeping with.” peoplearejerks69
6. AITJ For Not Creating A Safe Space For My Husband's Excessive Drinking?
“Due to family history, I am hypersensitive to drinking. My husband knows this. He gets inebriated more often than I would like him to, but it’s very social and I wouldn’t consider him a heavy drinker.
I have asked that he watch his drinking around me when we are together.
In my opinion, the main issue isn’t the frequency of when he drinks, it’s the quantity – pretty much 0-100. He would get just as trashed at a Sunday brunch as he would at like a birthday party.
He is either sober or trashed, there’s not a great in-between.
On to the issue, we were hanging out this past Sunday and he had the day off – which is rare. We decided to work out in the am and then go to brunch.
He started drinking at 6:30 am. We walked to brunch at 10, he was a few sangrias in. We both get the bottomless rose with brunch. I had like 3-4 glasses, he had 6-8 glasses. By mid-brunch, he is slurring and repeating himself.
We walk home around 12 and he immediately throws up and spends the rest of the day with his head in the toilet, in the shower, or knocked out.
I gave him water, cleaned the puke, and tucked him into bed (all the great skills college teaches).
I told him today that I didn’t like how much he drank at brunch and how it ruined the rest of Sunday. He gave what I would consider a mediocre apology and said ‘sorry I thought I could drink as much as I wanted with my wife’ and ‘guess I wasn’t in a safe space’.
AITJ for not ‘creating a safe space’ according to him?”
Another User Comments:
“When this post started and you said you are “hypersensitive” to drinking I thought that would mean that you don’t drink at all. Having “3-4 glasses of sangrias” at brunch paints a slightly different picture of hypersensitive in my mind.
I probably drink more than I should, but who starts drinking at 6:30 am? What could possibly be the reason for that? Who has 8 glasses of sangria at brunch AFTER starting drinking at 6:30 am? You’re NTJ, and he can drink as much as he wants to in front of his wife, but that doesn’t mean you won’t judge him and get upset at him for it.” makethatnoise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your husband has a drinking problem and is gaslighting you. Normal adults do not start drinking at 6:30 in the morning, heavy drinkers do. Normal adults don’t get so intoxicated in the middle of the day they puke, pass out, and need their wives to clean them up and tuck them into bed. Heavy drinkers do.
He sounds like a “Weekend Warrior” if you’re looking for a label. If you continue to be his nurse, maid, and mother when he gets like this you’re only enabling this behavior. Which is unhealthy for both of you. I’d say it’s time for couples counseling to be honest. It’s unlikely he won’t continue to gaslight you when you attempt to confront him about this.” funnyflowers1321
Another User Comments:
“He’s a heavy drinker for sure. No normal person starts drinking at 630 am. Heavy drinkers also are pros at downplaying and hiding it and gaslighting when people confront them and making them think they’re crazy for even thinking their SO is intoxicated. Not all heavy drinkers drink and get wasted every day.
Binge drinking is definitely also a heavy drinker trait even if he doesn’t do it every day. Sounds like he does pretty often I recommend you read Codependent No More, and look for the documentary Pleasure Unwoven to educate yourself. Unless people have dealt with addiction up close and personal they don’t really understand it.
It is much more than just the substance. I was married to a heavy drinker and as a medical provider, I realized how little I really knew about addiction. I learned more than I ever wanted to know about it in a short period of time.
Our marriage didn’t survive even though he did get clean. Too much damage was done over the years. Addiction sucks and don’t let it take over your life.” Kooky_Protection_334
5. AITJ For Joining Conversations Outside My Door To Disperse Loiterers?
“I (25M) live in a relatively nice apartment complex on the third floor. I am in the apartment across from the washer-dryer and next to the elevator.
Unfortunately, because of this people tend to congregate and have conversations right outside my door. They could move into the laundry area or down the hall, but they seem to do it right there for some reason.
I can’t really ask them to stop because it’s different people every time.
But I’ve found what makes them move the quickest is simply joining in the conversation from the other side of my door as if I’m participating. This makes them move immediately, as I usually interject some random frog stuff into the convo.
For example, they’re talking about weather and jobs and stuff and I’ll just wait for a break in the convo, then from the other side of my door (still closed) say something like “yeah wish my frog had a job” or “my frog’s hero is Kermit or Slippi” or “frogs survive well in wet, temperate climates” — this usually makes them move right away since they realize someone is not only listening but right there.
They’ll at least roll back down the hallway.
I got an email from my apartment manager/landlord saying I was “snooping” and not to be inappropriate but I can hear them from my bedroom, I don’t even need to be near the door.
So AITJ for doing this to get some peace and quiet?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would write back to your landlord and let him know that you were attempting to deal with the problem of people being loud right outside your door without involving him. Since he is now involved, what is he going to do about making sure people do not congregate in that spot anymore?
Also inform him that it is not snooping for you to participate in a conversation that you can hear…in fact, what you are doing is the opposite of snooping because you are informing the people that their conversation is not as private as they believe it to be.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Try to respectfully inform your landlord that you were only trying to inform people their conversations were not private. I would remind him that you have been dealing with excessive noise due to these conversations. I would also consider talking with your landlord about putting a sign on the outside of the laundry room door.
something like “conversations in public spaces like the hallways are not private and may be overheard by other tenants. Please talk quietly and away from apartment doors.”” rhyslynnt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a hilarious and fairly benign solution to the problem. But hey, now that your landlord is involved, you can kindly request that they help rectify the situation themselves.
I think that there is an argument to be made here that, by making it apparent that you can hear these conversations, you are in fact protecting these people’s privacy. The alternative would seem to be remaining silent and listening to every word. The frog comments are inoffensive enough and make your point clear.
Maybe your landlord needs to post a sign or something about keeping volumes down in front of your door.” letsthrowitaway20
4. AITJ For Wanting To Speak Privately To My Doctor About My T1D And Mental Health?
“I (15M) have been having issues for a while now about my T1D (type one diabetes) and mental health in general. I visit my doctor every 3 months and I am soon going to visit them next month.
With me having issues with my T1D and mental health I wanted to speak to my doctor privately while my parents are outside or in the waiting room.
Before I had this idea, my dad and mom pulled me aside to chat with them, I haven’t been doing well with my physical health for a while now, and after that chat, I thought I could pull my mom aside to see if there was a possibility that I could speak to my doctors alone because of these sudden changes in my mental health and how I’ve been losing control over my T1Ds.
After I explained to her, she was completely against the idea because she thought I would say something bad about her and my dad because of the talk we had, which of course wasn’t the case at all. I then told her alright and that I wasn’t happy with the results but I understood.
I went to go talk to my dad because of this situation and he didn’t completely say that he didn’t agree but he never said he did agree, he asked me what’s the difference then talking to my doctor rather than talking to them, they told me it would be a waste to get a therapist when I had them to talk to.
So am I the jerk for asking for this small thing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’re able to do so, call the doctor’s office before the appointment and let them know you would like to speak to the doctor privately during the visit. Explain that you mentioned wanting to speak privately to the doctor and your parents didn’t seem willing to let you do that, so there may be a way for the doctor to arrange it so they can “ask” to speak to you without your parents.
I would also mention that you’re not being abused (so they don’t think that your parents are abusing you), but that you just wanted to talk about some things that you’re not quite comfortable talking to your parents about. I would also stress that they don’t know you’re making the call and that you’re trying to be as discreet as possible but didn’t know any other way to let them know because your parents already don’t seem willing to leave the room.” Icy_Cardiologist8444
Another User Comments:
“You have the right to speak to the doctor in person by yourself. Your parents are wrong. They are afraid you’re going to say something to the doctor that might put them in a bad light? How ridiculous! You have a right to express your feelings and concerns to your doctor so he can help you to get better.
The Intimidation tactics by your parents are not helping anything. Tell your doctor exactly what is going on. It won’t be the first time he’s heard this and I am sure he will be able to help you. Your parents need to back off.
If they were doing such a great job, you wouldn’t be going downhill. You need to speak to a therapist and they need to get on board. Sorry you’re having such a tough time.” Walkinginthesand23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mum’s first concern being that you’ll say something bad about her or your dad, rather than being worried about your health and well-being is a HUGE indicator that your parents ARE doing something wrong.
If they know they’re good parents and they’re treating you well, then why would they ever be worried that you would ‘tell’ on them? Your parents are hurting you by not allowing you to get the treatment (both physical and mental) that you need, they cannot provide the same type of care that a therapist would, and they know that by sitting in on your appointments, they’re limiting what you’re able to say in front of your doctor.
They’re choosing to put themselves and their concerns about ‘looking bad’ in front of what you need.” Fiigwort
3. AITJ For Refusing To Cook Another Meal For My Picky Husband?
“My husband (33) is a picky eater but I know what meals he likes and make sure to cook them all week. I had to give up a lot of good meals to be able to cook him his favorites and make sure he doesn’t miss one dinner.
However, lately he’s been complaining about the meals I cook that are his favorites, only because “he’s just not in the mood to eat this specific meal” so he would try to get me to cook something else right then and there. If I say no?
He would go to bed hungry and without dinner. I feel bad so I just cook what he wants.
I got tired of it because it kept happening. Last night he came home and saw the two different meals I cooked – he looked at them both and said he wasn’t “in the mood” to eat either of them and asked if I could cook him another meal. I was upset I said, “NO, this is all I had on the menu.” He made a face and acted sad and then was like “are you sure?
I would have to go to bed hungry…wouldn’t that make you feel sad?” I stayed in my chair and shrugged and said “as you like honey”. He got upset and told me I had no consideration for him nor do I care about his feelings and if he goes to bed hungry after working the whole day.
I stayed quiet then he stormed away from me.
We didn’t speak till this morning when he said that my “as you like” attitude was hurtful and dismissive and is now expecting an apology for it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re his spouse, not his mother.
Actually, most mothers would probably say “that’s what’s for dinner; if you don’t like it, make yourself a bowl of cereal or a PB&J.” You’re his spouse, not his short-order cook. He’s already got you jumping through hoops making two meals for him to choose from.
Enough is enough. “Sorry honey; obviously I can’t do anything right, so I’m throwing in the towel. You’ll do your own cooking from now on.”” SamSpayedPI
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry you make him food and he COMPLAINS??! Does he think you’re his servant?!
The kind of dynamic is that? If my husband makes me food I don’t like I tell him thank you and eat it because he took the time to make me a meal and I’m usually quite grateful! Your husband is 33 yo. He’s not your child nor is he a baby.
He can use his own limbs to cook up his own meals and quit the whining if he doesn’t like what you have to offer. Do not enable him. Doesn’t matter whether he’s the main provider. You deserve way more respect than that or the guilt trips you receive from him.” Ok_Garden5983
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “… wouldn’t that make you sad?” (manipulative jerk move here) “What makes me sad is I give my time and effort to cook not 1, but 2 meals for you and I get no appreciation in return. Instead, you show how little you value me and my time by trying to guilt me into cooking more.
The meals I cook are suddenly not good enough, and it makes me feel like I’m not good enough, that makes me sad.” My sister’s husband is similar, very picky eater and will pout if he doesn’t like what she made. He’s even been like “then I guess I’ll have to eat cereal”.
And she’s like if that’s what you want, I’m eating what I cooked.” luvbeyondwords
2. AITJ For Calling My Coworker My "Work-Sister" After She Called Me Her "Work-Husband"?
“I (34M) work in a small office and we have about 30 people working here. Mary (35F) is one of my coworkers. We have been working together for 6 years now. We have 6 people in our department, and we have to frequently travel across the state as our work involves overseeing government projects.
We always travel in a group of two. Although my travel partner changes based on the project, Mary and I are generally put on similar projects and enjoy each other’s company. My wife also likes Mary. Overall, we have a very healthy work relationship.
On to the incident.
Yesterday, we had a happy hour in our office, and we were all drinking after work hours and chatting. It was a group of around 10 people that stayed back. Mary was blabbering about how we both have been traveling together so much in the last year.
She was roasting me for my habits while traveling like always forgetting stuff in my hotel room, being sweaty and stinky when I join her for breakfast in the mornings (because I go to the hotel gym). Everyone was laughing and she was making it sound how unbearable I was to tag along (all in good fun).
I also told some funny and sweet stories about her and agreed with her saying that I can be difficult to be with sometimes.
Mary came to me and hugged me tightly and told me that she loves me, and I am her work-husband. It was all innocent on the surface, but she might have been a bit tipsy and just didn’t let go of her tight hug.
Also, I hate that phrase as I do have a wife that I promised to be with forever, and not just during non-working hours. After a few seconds, I started becoming uncomfortable and also saw a few people staring at us. So, to diffuse the situation, I took her hands off my shoulder and told her, she was my work sister and that is why I love to annoy her so much.
That seemed to have upset Mary and she left and went back to her desk and was sobbing silently. I tried to apologize to her, but she told me how embarrassing the whole situation was. She said that she just meant work-husband in a platonic way, but me calling her work-sister made her sound like a creep in front of the whole office.
She was also angry that I aggressively removed her hands from my shoulders while hugging. I tried to reason with her that I do not like the “work-husband” phrase and also people gave dirty looks when she said it. So, I was just trying to make sure people do not take her words in the wrong way.
We talked for a few minutes afterward and Mary calmed down. She hugged me again and left.
I felt really guilty afterward because I can see Mary’s point. I made her sound like a creep by implying that she meant something inappropriate when she called me her work-husband.
However, I was a bit uncomfortable in that situation and just did not want people to call us that (or assume something wrong). Am I the jerk for calling Mary my “work sister”? I am sitting in my office writing this and a bit worried if I embarrassed Mary in front of everyone.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you were justified that whole time. Unfortunately, booze can make things awkward for everyone, but you were made uncomfortable by the extended hug, so you removing her arms from you was understandable. The problem is right now is that Mary is only considering her own feelings and not thinking at all how her actions made you feel.
She didn’t think that such a public display of affection might make a married man uncomfortable, she is only thinking that you made her look like a creep. And, let’s be honest, she did kind of look like someone hitting on a married man after drinking too much.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“Mary was inappropriate in multiple ways, and you did your best to diffuse and correct the situation without making her look worse than she was making herself look. She took it upon herself to refer to you as her “work-husband” in front of others, without seeing how you felt about the phrase, so the only person who made her seem creepy is her.
If she is embarrassed, that is NOT your fault, nor is it your problem to fix. As far as her getting “angry” because you “aggressively” removed her hands while she was hugging you…that was extremely inappropriate for her to have even done in the first place.
That’s the kind of thing that can get someone a meeting in HR. None of this is on you, OP. None of it. NTJ.” Logical_Block1507
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But, I’d clue HR in as to what happened as a CYA and refuse to travel/share a room with her anymore.
Mary was highly inappropriate and hit on you. Honestly, it could be argued that she assaulted you because of the unwanted and unconsented physical touch. DO NOT comfort her about this. Do not take any kind of blame. Mary felt like a creep because she was being a creep.
I wouldn’t be surprised if her embarrassment turns into vitriol and she accuses you of inappropriate behavior the next time you are traveling or alone. She is not a friend, OP. That bridge was burnt when she got handsy and professed her love for you.
Protect yourself. Talk to HR, and maybe get statements from the coworkers who witnessed it.” doodledorf
1. AITJ For Buying My Fiancé's Dream Truck And Not Putting It In His Name?
“I’m F20 and my fiancé is M23. We bought a 90s car that needed some work.
He got it fixed and he started driving me places in it. When I would ask or show I wanted to drive it, he got very upset about it. I never got to drive it but his friends have. We ended up splitting for a minute over it.
I recently put a down payment on a 2022 Toyota Tacoma Double Cab. I went with my uncle to get it and when I signed for it, I put it in my name and my uncle co-signed for it. When I pulled in with it, he came outside smiling from ear to ear.
He hugged me and thanked me for getting him his dream truck. I was trying to explain to him it was mine but he had already jumped into it. He then saw the paperwork lying there and asked if he needed to sign it. Before I could answer, he read whose name it was in.
He slowly got out and went into the house. He didn’t speak to me for the rest of the night.
While he was at work, he texted me and said, “It’s really disrespectful that you got my dream truck and didn’t put it in my name!
I’ll be staying at my mom’s tonight.” I didn’t respond. Later on, he sent me a pic of a GMC asking if it was pretty. I said, “I don’t like GMC but if he liked it, it’s pretty.” He said, “Well doesn’t matter you got the Toyota.” So I just left him on read.
He has yet to come home and I’m regretting getting the truck. So AITJ?
I forgot to mention that my uncle co-signed because I don’t have any credit yet. Where I got the truck you have to have credit. My uncle has some bomb credit so he was willing to sign because I’ve been saving up for a Tacoma.
I saved up 4K to put down and got a loan. My uncle didn’t care to do it because I make roughly 1.2k every month plus I have savings my grandpa put up for me. My grandpa said I can use it to pay for the car if need be.
I don’t know how much is in it but my grandpa said it could get me through life with no worry for a year or so.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I really hate to be one of those people telling a stranger to end their relationship but… please reconsider marriage with this man.
At the very least, postpone the wedding if there is a date set already and see about getting counseling, individual or maybe as a couple (note: if he is actually abusive, then don’t get couple counseling.) Your fiancé sounds entitled, but what is a red flag for me is that he is being dominant and you’re adopting a very submissive position.
Why did you never get to drive the van you contributed to buy? He got upset and that was it, you gave in? He allowed other people to drive YOUR van, but not you, and he got away with it. Then you went and got yourself a truck since you clearly gave up any kind of pretense to use the vehicle you already have.
He assumed the truck was for him, then got upset when he saw it’s in your name, he decided to punish you for it by giving you the silent treatment and going away… and pay attention to this detail: HE STILL DOESN’T ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THE TRUCK ISN’T HIS.
Why are you letting this happen? Why are you not standing up for yourself with this man? Why are you regretting buying a vehicle that you like? Your husband is a jerk. And he may or may not be abusive. But it’s clear he doesn’t respect you and thinks he can bulldoze you over to get whatever he wants.
If you marry him, this will only escalate. Keep the truck. Lose the man.” Jolly_Tooth_7274
Another User Comments:
“Rethink that marriage, friend. NTJ. You bought a car together, and he wouldn’t let you drive it (though you shouldn’t have let that stand. It was your money too).
So you bought your own car. Don’t let him drive it at all either. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Him isolating you with your own car (not “letting” you drive the car you shared) is a HUGE red flag for potential future abuse.
He thought he was entitled to your car (possibly still does). He is a mess.” cadmium2093
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but this is painful to read. You are buying a 2022 pickup when you only make $1.2k per month? I really hope that’s a typo.
And yeah, what everyone else said about the relationship being a bad one. But I think you’re gonna be able to ditch the fiancé faster than you get free of this very short-sighted financial decision. Split with the fiancé, for sure, but I would also urge you to reconsider the truck.
It sounds like it will take at least half your monthly paycheck. You could use the money from your grandpa for something way better than a truck – like furthering your education, saving for a house down payment, etc. Something that will help you build long-term wealth, not suck away half your paycheck and then some.” oaktreegardener
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