People Stress Out Over These 'Am I A Jerk?' Stories
18. AITJ For Yelling At My MIL Who Claims My Son's Heritage Is Hers?
“My Mil claims everything about my son when it comes to how he looks.
His hair color, eye color, the shape of his nose, and the way his ears stick out a little bit. Yeah, that all came from her and her side of the family. If I take claim to anything she either ignores me or tells me how I’m wrong.
I was thinking of getting a DNA test for my son so that we wouldn’t have to buy two separate tests for my husband and me, but I was also considering just getting the two tests so that we would have a definite answer as to what my side holds and what his does.
There’s one heritage we don’t share. I’m half-Mexican. He’s white basically.
I tell my Mil and also I tell her how if we just get one for my son, there are things that are going to be from my family, but I kinda wanna know the percentages for the things that overlap.
My very much white MIL told me to not be so sure about where my son would get his Mexican genes from because she thinks she found something recently in her family history that leads to her having Mexican genes too. Or something like that.
I was too angry to listen.
I get claiming the other things, but to now claim a heritage that isn’t hers?! My grandfather taught me about his culture and I took it in as my heritage. It’s a part of me that I’m proud of even if I get nonsense from some people when I tell them.
For her to try to claim it was the last straw. I blew up at her. I don’t yell at people. She went completely silent as I yelled at her.
I told her how sick and tired I was of her trying to erase my involvement in MY son.
That her trying to take claim to a heritage that she knows absolutely nothing about was my final straw. I no longer want to hear a word out of her mouth about what my son looks like unless it’s just to call him adorable. I no longer want to hear her pick specific things out about him.
I told her that if she continues to do so, then she’s not allowed to see my son until I say so. I finished yelling at her and my husband stepped in and talked to her in a stern voice.
He told me what she didn’t wasn’t right and that he agreed with me.
Including the part about her not seeing our son if she does it again. He also told me how he’d wanted to have a talk with her about this for a while, but now I told him not to since I hate conflict.
She was silent for a moment, with a surprised look on her face.
Then the crocodile tears started and she just sobbed and said that she didn’t mean anything by it and how could I be so cruel as to yell at her about something so small. Then she called me a jerk and left.
Since then, a couple of people from her family have sent me messages calling me a jerk for being rude to her.
I’m like 98% sure that they don’t know the actual story and when I did explain it to one person, they still said I was a jerk for blowing up at her over something small.
Is this a small issue? Was I the jerk for yelling at her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get the test done, they’re fun. And Ancestry will tell you which matches come from BOTH parents lol. I did that one and 23&me. Fun watching it update periodically and more. Any haters just know her side. She was rude first and you were tired of her BS.” ammonites
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s minimizing your contribution to your son to maximize her own. Just a heads up on the DNA test thing. I did mine with Ancestry and about a year ago they introduced a thing where it divides your genes by parent.
So Parent 1 is genetically from A, B, and C, and Parent 2 is from B, D, and E styles. Not sure if the others do it, but that would be a good way to put your foot down. My paternal nan tried to tell me that my Scottish ancestry comes from her and she wouldn’t hear that my maternal nan was *Scottish*.
After it divided it by parent it was pretty hard to argue with one parent being 78% Scottish and the other being 6%. (Fun fact, the family came from a remote area so Ancestry named the county my mother’s family is from).” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like she needed to be put in her place and you did exactly that, especially seeing as your husband agreed and supported it. I agree with you 100% that these people probably have no idea what the true story is. If you haven’t confronted her on this at all in any way and then jumped to yelling at her is probably a little overkill but I understand where it was coming from and don’t think you did anything wrong per se but possibly could have been handled a little better.
Overall not the jerk though.” ImNiceOccasionally
17. AITJ For Wanting To Quit My Toxic Job And Expecting My Wife To Support Me?
“I come from a low-income background and worked my way out of poverty through a lot of risk and hard work. Like I had ramen noodles and a baked potato for dinner every day in high school and college. Electricity getting turned off a lot poor.
Now I am very fortunate to make six figures in my late 20s.
So I went to college and then got my Master’s degree and somehow landed into good paying jobs on the other side of it. I survived countless rounds of layoffs as someone who worked the job of 3 people, my work ethic protected me.
Now I’ve been working at a VERY toxic company since January 2022, so almost 2 years. When I started, the first four months, I LOVED the job. I had a reasonable workload and a wonderful boss. We had enough resources that I worked 40 hours comfortably. But soon layoffs started happening and my teams kept shrinking and shrinking.
I somehow did NOT get fired, mainly because I am a “give it 150% of everything I have until I burn out” so to get rid of me wouldn’t be smart for them. Now I do the work of literally four people and beyond the work of it, the people are so rude and horrible that it makes me mentally UNWELL.
It’s THAT horrible.
My wife on the other hand got laid off several times. She comes from a very upper-middle-class background and found luck after pivoting from personal training after we met to working in product management. She has now been laid off 3 times in the past year, and I admit some of it is because of the times.
But part of it also feels like she has this chip on her shoulder where she feels like she shouldn’t have to work too hard and so she isn’t valuable enough to be worth saving when the cuts come. But it feels like she just messes around all the time in her work and then wow, she got laid off again.
Meanwhile, I’m working until 8 pm some nights because if something needs to get done, I do it. That itself isn’t a problem, boundaries for work-life balance are a healthy thing, and something I want for myself too to a certain degree.
The problem came in when I begged to leave my toxic job to try and pursue anything else starting last November, and she said she wasn’t okay with it.
So I have stayed for almost a year longer than what even felt tolerable. But between all of her layoffs, she has probably had like 3-4 months “off” of just interviewing. All I’m asking is to quit and take at least 4 weeks off before pursuing my own business or trying to find a different job, the only difference is that I want to voluntarily leave for my mental health.
She makes $200k, we have no mortgage or children. That feels like enough for us to survive for a few months while I try to get out of a toxic environment. But because I never get fired or laid off, I never get a break.
AITJ for expecting her to step up and help me like I did for her when she was laid off so I can save my life from a job that is killing my spirit? It just feels like the scales aren’t balanced and if I need to leave her to pursue my happiness, I will.”
Another User Comments:
“Your journey from poverty to success is impressive, but your current toxic job is taking a toll on your mental health. Despite your sacrifices and support for your wife during her layoffs, she’s reluctant to support your decision to leave. You’re asking for a brief break to prioritize your well-being, which is reasonable given your financial stability.
If your wife won’t support your happiness and mental health, it’s worth reassessing the relationship.” User
16. AITJ For Choosing My Friend's Safe Boat Over My In-Laws' Unreliable One?
“Trying to be as unbiased here as possible. Having a small family upset over personal decisions.
My in-laws are great people. They used to be wealthy and have been having a hard time maintaining their lifestyle in their sunset years.
My FIL is very much like me and I feel for his situation. He works a part-time job at a hardware store and my MIL does companion work. They live in a house that has total property taxes at about 3000/month plus mortgage homeowners, and flood insurance (they should have sold it a long time ago.) They have social security and modest incomes.
My FIL drives a 25-year-old car and also has a car that me and my wife gave back to him (it was my wife’s high school car.) They are selling their house but it needs a ton of work as they have had a hard time just doing the bare minimum to keep the house running.
His boat is 27 years old. The original motor is on it, and the boat has had problems since I’ve been seeing my wife. It just broke down last week because relays on the motor blew and it couldn’t lift or lower the motor into or out of the water.
It will frequently start but then die or get to where it’s going and not start unless he tinkers for 20 minutes and somehow gets it started again. They also kind of scoffed when I inquired about life jackets but I would buy them that’s no problem.
My friends who are also very great people are very wealthy. They never make me feel less than because I’m a working-class guy or that we aren’t as well off. They asked us to come on their boat with their two kids to go to some beach nearby.
They have life jackets in all weight ranges and assured me they’d have ones that fit. Their boat is brand new and while I don’t care about the amenities, I know it is professionally maintained and very seaworthy.
I agreed to go on their boat this weekend before my in-laws asked me to go on their boat Monday for Labor Day.
My in-laws want to drive 40 minutes away to a popular anchor spot. My wife and I respectfully said no let’s start small and take them to lunch a town over. This way we would go on their boat and God forbid we get marooned, my kids could get picked up with my wife and I’d help my FIL until he gets the boat towed or fixed.
Naturally, my in-laws are offended and hurt. My wife agrees with me but also is making me out to be some doomsday worrier and kind of saying I need to lighten up and it would mean the world to my FIL. I of course kind of feel like a jerk but am also being made to feel like one.
As a side note – one time when I was younger and much tougher, my friend grounded his prop and we drove 2 hours at 5mph in 5-foot waves and I thought I would never make it home. Toddlers are less resilient.
Anyone who has toddlers knows that even a perfect environment can be a nightmare if they are having a bad day.
I don’t want to be 40 minutes away in a spot that can only be reached by boat after baking all day in the sun. A holiday weekend with a broken-down boat is probably a 3 to 4-hour wait for SeaTow or BoatsUS.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Their boat is unsafe due to lack of upkeep. It is as simple as that. You don’t play with the safety of children. Especially not in the water. Managing your in-law’s egos is not your job. I understand that this stage is extremely hard on them financially and emotionally.
And this is the time to be kind to them. But there is a limit and a legit safety issue is beyond the limit.” JustheBean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ILs aren’t dealing with reality. They’ve lived so far beyond their means for so long that they haven’t been able to maintain their home or boat, and now can’t sell their home and the boat is dangerous.
And now they’re all shocked Pikachu that there are consequences for this??? It sounds like you’re boating on coastal waters, which means bigger waves, the ability to get very far from shore, and the weather to turn very quickly and cause the journey home to be unexpectedly complicated and dangerous.
That’s not a situation in which you take an unreliable motorboat out in. Sketchy boats belong on inland lakes where you can get to shore easily and safely in an emergency. (Also, salt water is hard on boats and makes keeping everything going so much more expensive.) And no life jackets for the toddlers?!?!?!
Even on a lake, there’s no way for them to swim to shore in any version of reality. In coastal waters? Come on! No. Not. The only safe compromise you have is that you buy (or borrow) life jackets for the kiddos and meet the ILs at the anchorage.
Float, swim, enjoy the day, and then you go back to shore when it’s time for them to get back to wherever they’re storing the boat. If the motor cuts out and they drift out to sea and have to call the Coast Guard, your toddlers are safe and sound on land.
And your ILs can deal with the consequences of their egos.” Cryptographer_Alone
Another User Comments:
“You made the plans with your friends first? NTJ I would never take my tots out on the water in an unseaworthy craft. The end. No waffling here. Your in-laws don’t even keep a legal boat if they don’t have life jackets.
(He SCOFFED at the mention of them?) That’s insane, and so very stupid. It’s the LAW to have a lifejacket for everyone on board the board. I understand your wife feels sorry for them, but how sorry would she feel if you went off with the in-laws just to placate them and ran into trouble and the babies drowned because the boat broke down or got hit by a big wave or whatever happened on boats that cause them to sink.” Ghitit
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiancé's Best Friend's Partner As My Maid Of Honor?
“I am 28 Female, my fiancé 29 male, and our guy best friend 28 male. We have been very close since college in 2008. When we have relationship problems our best friend is always the mediator.
So a little background, our best friend never had a partner. Fast forward to 2018.
Our best friend finally stepped up and asked one of his co-workers on a date. They had been on a few dates. At first, he would tell us how it went then for a few months now he’s not showing up to meet-ups and planned vacations.
We felt our best friend was starting to change and hard to contact. But he explained he was just busy with work and would make it up to us. So we thought it was the best opportunity to set a double date for us to meet his new partner.
We had our 1st double date but the girl never initiated to get to know me and my fiancée. So I said she might be shy and trying to figure us out.
On the 2nd double date, we shared what was happening currently in our relationship with our best friend and his partner.
For the 1st time, the partner has expressed her feelings and expressed that she is a feminist. I don’t know why she mentioned it but our topic was how my fiancée hates cleaning our dog’s poop and set me to be responsible to clean it.
I have no problem with that, as I have problems cleaning up when our dog eats something or has eaten too much of his fur.
She expressed so much that she doesn’t want to be bossed around by her partner and my fiancé should be doing everything equally or much more.
Then started saying a lot of her negative opinion about my fiancee and how he’s just being lazy and expects me to do everything. I tried to clear up the atmosphere and told her there must be a misunderstanding. But she continued with her preaching and our best friend was just looking down and ignoring what was happening.
That night went downhill from there.
My fiancé was so mad that he felt disrespected and told off our best friend. But he did not say much and just said he loves her and we should try to know her 1st. So I said that we did but she just disrespected my fiancé and you said nothing.
The argument went on and our best friend just insisted that we should be understanding and try harder.”
Another User Comments:
“Your best friend’s partner crossed a line by disrespecting your fiancé and preaching about feminism while criticizing your relationship. It’s understandable to feel hurt and frustrated by her behavior, especially considering your long-standing friendship.
Your best friend’s dismissal of the situation is concerning, and it might be worth discussing how her behavior is impacting your friendship. Your well-being and relationship integrity should come first.” User
14. AITJ For Being Upset That My Friends Ruined My Birthday Trip?
“I have a friend group of 5 girls all 20. We started planning my birthday trip in late July and the mention of going to a city 3 hrs away was brought up by Twin A and Twin B bc they attend college there (the others attend school in our hometown).
We talked about it in July as a group in person for us to go and spend the weekend with them.
I texted TA on Aug.13 to ask if she was okay with the four of us staying with her during the weekend. I said we could also get an Airbnb/hotel room if she would be overwhelmed. She said it was fine.
I then messaged the group chat involving all the girls on 21 and 25 of Aug. with an overview of what I wanted to do and asked if it was okay. Neither TA nor TB responded to either message
I didn’t hear from TA until Aug. 31 at 10 pm, the night before the trip, she sent me a message saying she and TB were going to a football game on Saturday as well as a Midnight Yell on Friday.
Both of those events overlapped with the plans. TA said we could tag along to MY or tailgate with them before the game and wait for them in their apartment during the game.
We still went down there and tried to keep to the plan.
TA and TB were leaving the activities constantly, they only attended one event to completion. While TA decided to stay with us and go to dinner on Friday night TB did not. Saturday night they both attended the game and were gone for 6+ hours. We were supposed to go clubbing that night for the first time but by the time they got back from the game, the clubs were full.
I decided to go lay down and claimed my head hurt. I wanted to avoid any confrontation with them. I was just ready to go home.
The girls that traveled down with me followed me into the room (they came to check on me without knowing they were all checking on me).
The twins were the last to come in, they started asking what the problem was and if they should leave. I explained how my feelings were hurt they made plans for both nights that we were down there and didn’t make an effort to spend time with us after we worked extra hours to pay for the trip as well as taking time off work.
Not to mention the drive down there. They said they were “busy and forgot” to tell us and tried to “make the most of it”. They accused me of not asking to stay in their apartment until I pulled up the text messages between me and TA.
They said they couldn’t change the plans because they bought the tickets 5 months ago. The tickets are season passes to every game and the MY happens before every home game. They also claimed that I never asked for their input on the plans even tho I sent the messages to the group chats.
We decided to just leave that night and head to a sketchy hotel. We left in the morning to head back home.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The Twins asked specifically if you could travel 3 hours to come hang out with them on your birthday and then they were “too busy” with their college social life to party with you.
Like you said, you could’ve just stayed home and partied with your other friends and probably had a better time.” namesaremptynoise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for expressing yourself, or for changing your minds and heading home. Courtesy and respect aren’t that difficult, but darned few people seem well-trained in the basics.
Frankly, were I left on read – even by super close friends or a partner – I wouldn’t make any plans that included them or required anything of them. It’s a means of avoiding disappointment. TB’s rudeness amps her up to jerk levels IMO.” tosser9212
13. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Partner's Friend Home After A Concert?
“This past weekend my partner (22M) went to a concert with a friend of his (21M).
My partner didn’t want to drive downtown (20 minutes) and deal with parking. He also wanted to have a few drinks during the show. So, he asked me if I would be willing to come pick them up after the show because it would be peak Uber time and a ride would be expensive.
He said they would Uber to the show since it would be cheaper at that time of day.
I also hate driving downtown because there are a lot of one-way streets and it’s always busy. I was hesitant to agree, but my partner reminded me of how he was the designated driver for me and my friends on 3 separate occasions over the summer and this is the first time he’s asked this sort of thing from me.
So, I felt like I had to agree even though I didn’t want to.
He texted me right after the show ended and gave me a location a couple blocks from the arena so that traffic would be slightly less busy. When I got there, it was obvious his friend had too much to drink.
Like, you could tell immediately by looking at him that he was wasted. My partner wasn’t much better, but he was at least holding himself together.
I told my partner that I didn’t want to give his friend a ride because he looked like he was about to be sick and I didn’t want to deal with that in my car.
This is the first “new” car I’ve ever had even though it’s used. I just got it this spring and I’m trying hard to take good care of it. The last thing I want is for it to smell like vomit forever.
My partner tried to argue with me that his friend wasn’t going to be sick and that it was just a 20-minute drive home.
I told him I would take my partner, but not his friend because I’m not risking it. My partner said he was not just going to leave his friend here like that and slammed the door in my face. He grabbed his friend and started walking away.
I rolled down the window and tried to yell after him, but he just put his hand up over his head and kept walking.
I tried to follow them to talk sense to my partner, but my partner saw me and cut down an alley onto a one-way and I lost them.
I tried calling and texting but he didn’t answer or respond. So, I headed home. When I got home I kept calling my partner and texting to make sure he was ok but he still didn’t respond.
Finally, the next morning he texted me back.
He said they got an Uber to his friend’s house (over $100). I told him that I was glad they were ok and he wrote back “Yeah, no thanks to you.” That started a fight because I kept defending my decision to not take his intoxicated friend and my partner argued that he would never leave one of my friends like that no matter what.
I reminded him that I didn’t want to give them a ride in the first place and he manipulated me into it and that it’s not my fault his friend got too intoxicated. He said that he now feels like he can’t rely on me because of something that “might” happen.
I told him he was making me feel like a jerk and he told me “Good, because you were one.” He’s now ignoring me.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You said you’d give them a ride…even begrudgingly, which is ridiculous because he’d done the same favor for your ungrateful butt *three times*.
You didn’t put any stipulations on the ride like a degree of sobriety. Then you showed up and expected him to just ditch his intoxicated friend. Put down a towel or whatever if you’re that worried about the car, or just charge him for the cleanup if he gets sick in the car.
Personally, if I didn’t get a major apology from you I’d be considering a breakup. You sound like a taker.” Outrageously_Penguin
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you don’t leave intoxicated people to fend for themselves ever. Vomit can be cleaned but they could’ve been run over, etc. If my partner did that it would be over.
However, a full-on talk is needed between you both to set up boundaries and expectations, i.e. if you won’t drive for him you can’t expect him to do the same for you…” Tiny-Afp
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You had to be begged to do something that your partner repeatedly does for you, then refuse to do it in the moment.
Think about it this way – if you had gone somewhere with your friends, they had gotten super intoxicated, and your partner refused to drive them, do you think they would have been reasonable and just protecting their car? Or would you have been writing a post on how big a jerk your partner is?
You probably no longer have a partner, and that’s probably for the best.” DarthCredence
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay Back My Friend Who Lied About Party Expenses?
“So my friend, A is getting married. Her closest friend B approached me (D) and E to throw her a party. The budget per person was 380$
B, said she would arrange the cakes, decor, and Airbnb.
To which I and E agreed. B took 66 dollars each from us for the Airbnb. As the expenses got divided along the way, I made an Excel sheet recording everyone’s spending for the event and how much we owed one another for getting things.
* take note E and I have paid the deposit for the Airbnb and expected a fully furnished home for the event*
As things progressed I told B to check out the sheet, which she always ignored. I double-checked with her how much she was spending on catering. Since the caterer was someone I recommended, I put down a budget of about 300 dollars in excel for food.
Keep in mind B said she would pay the deposit for this and then me and E will transfer after the party.
So, according to my Excel, I owe B about 260 $ (including the Airbnb and the caterer). And B owes me 70 dollars
So the party came, I went to the Airbnb to realize it wasn’t an Airbnb at all.
B had asked her brother who is a construction worker to rent out the place he was working at( super illegal). I came to this conclusion as B did not let me see the place till the last moment, and I saw her brother exiting the home with paint buckets in his hands.
Before I could even question her if it was an Airbnb B she came up with this ridiculous lie that the host had started painting the day before and left a mess, and B’s brother came early morning to clean up the place.
Again, this place had no furniture or running water.
B had to rent out chairs.
The place was not even listed on Airbnb so I knew B was lying. I chose not to confront her as I wanted the party to continue.
B also lied about the caterer. She had brought food from a local home chef (which I bet was way cheaper) but never informed me.
I would have never known this information if I had not overheard her tell a friend where she ordered the food from. Consequently, I would have paid her more than what she paid for.
B has been shady and told lies for years, but since the lies never affected me personally I thought she would grow.
Now on the group chat, B sends me a text saying how much she owes me for a cheap item I spent money on; she on purpose ignored the total expenses I had spent (a total of 140 dollars) and only chose to transfer me the money for the cheapest expenditure.
I told B to check the Excel sheet and I also asked her for an update on the food caterers’ price, as I had written the budget for the caterer I thought we were going in with the original.
B ignored my messages.
I feel guilty for being worried about not wanting to transfer her the original 260 dollars.
since she refuses to tell me the total amount spent on her side ( I know it is way less than the money I had recorded on the Excel sheet given how she has been caught in many lies now).”
Another User Comments:
“So basically B took your money saying it was needed for things, then got much cheaper deals and kept the money?
She’s stealing from people at worst and at best she’s ripping them off. Keep your money and drop this person as a friend. NTJ.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only is that unfinished place illegal it was potentially dangerous. Confront her and if she doesn’t have receipts that match what she’s claiming then you’re only on for whatever she paid.
If she’s taking the difference and pocketing it then that’s just dishonest.” kruuth
11. AITJ For Leaving Halfway Through Styling My Little Sister's Neglected Hair?
“I (19 F) am planning to be a hairstylist. I normally style wigs and sometimes style my hair or my partner’s hair to help me practice.
My sister, (9 F. The age gap is weird, I know,) is going to her best friend’s party in a venue since she’s turning 10. My mom asked me if I could style my sister’s hair and curl it using a curling iron. I said yes at first since I was excited to try doing younger kid’s hair.
I went over to my mom’s home and met my little sister. Her hair was in clumps and needed to be brushed out, BADLY. I think I even saw some lice…
I told my mom that brushing her hair would take a long process and that it would hurt since younger siblings, (especially girls,) would be annoying and complain every two seconds.
My mom said it was fine as the party wouldn’t start for a couple of hours. I said okay and started to get ready.
I started using one of those big hairbrushes since there was so much hair, and my sister started to whine and complain that it was too painful.
I told her to keep quiet if she wanted her hair to look nice. She kept on crying and I had to use the smaller brushes to brush smaller sections of her hair. It still hurt her, and I was out of options. She kept on crying and saying it hurt, and I didn’t know what to do.
I wasn’t a professional yet, and I didn’t have any supplies besides hair brushes, a curling iron, and my hands.
My mom came up and said that I was being mean and hurting my sister on purpose. I said that it was not my fault that her hair was a complete mess and that she didn’t even brush it.
I asked her why her hair was like this, and my mom shouted at me saying it wasn’t my problem. But I knew that she was too busy with her new partner to even care about my sister. (I live with my partner so I had no clue this was happening.) She told me to either do her hair or get out.
So I left.
While I was walking to the train station, my mother made my sister cry and forced her to do a Facetime with me. I saw my poor sister beg for me to come back and do her hair, as she wouldn’t want to be embarrassed in front of all her friends.
I felt so bad for her and went back to the house. My mother scolded me while I was doing her hair.
After taking at least 2-3 hours of finally detangling her hair, I started to flatten it out. My sister was very jumpy, and I was scared that she might burn herself.
My mother told me that this was normal and that it would be my fault if I burnt her. My sister’s hair was half straight half wavy, and I said I was done. I got up, took my supplies, and left for good. My mother made my sister do that Facetime thing again, but I didn’t do it.
My stepdad said that I was very rude to just storm off like that and leave my sister and mom alone, while my biological dad said that I was right to do that as they were using my sister to guilt trip me. I still felt so bad for my little sister.
She didn’t deserve this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a hairstylist, I absolutely understand your frustration with children whose hair is unkempt, especially when the parent/s don’t do anything about it. Since your mom doesn’t seem to care too much and is always too busy with her boy toy, maybe you could have her bring your sister to you or you could get her to bring her back to you?
Of course, that’s assuming you live close enough that that would be possible.” dammdarcy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your mother is. What she’s doing is abuse – not taking care of your sister’s hair (or teaching her how do to it) to the point she is very probably mocked at school, scolding you and not accepting your expertise, and using your sister as a psychological weapon.
Also I’m pretty sure she wasn’t planning to pay you, while demanding actual work. You say you are planning to take your sister home – is there some way you could get financial help for that?” Booky_Cat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…your mom needs to ensure that your sister is taking care of basic grooming.
Lice can spread very quickly. I personally would not have touched her hair if I suspected lice. I remember being in 3rd grade and getting lice from a girl in my class…it was horrible and so uncomfortable. My mom had to do a special treatment.
Your mom made this situation unbearable. Having your sister call you crying is a manipulative tactic on your mom’s part. Your mom not taking care of your sister is abuse. Someone needs to step in and help your sister. NTJ.” PravinI123
10. AITJ For Not Attending My Best Friend's Wedding And Asking For My Money Back?
“Dave and I have been friends since we were kids. In college, we made the dumb decision to have a relationship. We decided that was a one-time thing, we aren’t compatible for more than friends.
When I started seeing my partner, Al, I was honest about it.
I felt it was important for my partner to know. Dave and Al became good friends. We even helped Dave with finding his partner. I met his partner, Han, and it went great. She seemed like a wonderful match for Dave. We got closer, we even planned Dave’s birthday party together.
I posted this bit before, but later Dave dropped the bomb on me that he never told Han! I felt like he betrayed his partner and set me up for failure. I knew she would not take the info well, especially since he kept it for so long.
I told him that it was important that she knew.
Later that night they announced they were ENGAGED! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. I got a lot of advice when I posted, don’t tell her, it’s not your place, tell her, etc. I was overwhelmed, I had relatives pass while also trying to manage after my bf lost his job.
I couldn’t deal.
Han asked me to be a bridesmaid. It meant a lot. I wanted to be there. I would be the only person in our group who would have said no if I did. I said yes. I bought the outfit she wanted, spending $400+ on the entire thing.
2 weeks before the big day Dave called. He said “I told Han what happened in college” like it wasn’t something he actively participated in. They had decided I shouldn’t be at the wedding party. Instead, I was to buy a different dress. My bf was still a groomsman.
They said it “wasn’t proper” for someone “like me” to be a bridesmaid. They wanted me by myself while the rest of our friends would be up at the altar
I said it was their decision, but that also meant I wouldn’t go. They wanted me to spend even more funds I didn’t have.
I hung up, and Han called me back. She said, “Fine, you can still be a bridesmaid.” I replied that I wasn’t interested. It was so important, but after doing it she changed her mind in less than 10 minutes. I hung up, and she called again.
I said I wanted to be alone. She apologized and we hung up. She immediately texted me to tell her what I decided.
We didn’t go and it was noticed. I was the “BFF” but I and my bf weren’t at the wedding. When asked they’d say “It’s Dave’s fault but we are giving her space” which only raised more questions.
Then it was “If you want to know ask her” so then I had people harassing me trying to figure it out.
I only spoke to them when I demanded my funds back. They scrutinized the amount. Friends had to convince them and I did get it back.
I still get asked why didn’t I go, and why I asked for the funds back. I don’t know, I felt like they threw me under the bus to solve the “problem.” I know some people were upset I didn’t go. Honestly, I feel bad for Han.
Maybe I should have still gone but I felt unwanted and maybe I shouldn’t have asked for the funds. AITJ for not attending and asking for my funds back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is Dave’s fault, he should have told Han a long time ago.
But even then, the idea of demoting someone AND keeping their partner in the wedding- that they only know because of you- is super poor taste. And then to add they didn’t want “someone like you” in the wedding is gross. Dave was also in the relationship.
This is on Dave, but also the two of them should have realized how this was going to look AND how this would play out. I wouldn’t even feel that bad for Han. Her problem is with Dave, and not wanting you up at the altar doesn’t solve that problem.
Good for you for getting your funds back and standing up for yourself.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like D handled it very immaturely. You and H got the rotten hand in the situation. I think it was well within your rights to ask for the funds back too, given that they decided not to let you attend in your original capacity as a bridesmaid.
They’re responsible for the change in plans. It might have been a smidge petty not to go at all, but I can hardly blame you. Everyone was asking a ton of questions via phone because you didn’t go– how much worse if you were there for everyone to pester given that you would be the only one of the friend group not in the wedding party?
Sounds like everyone just needs to move on.” Kalias7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you and Dave hooking up once years before Han came around was such a big deal that it busted your friendship, call me petty, but I’d let everyone know exactly what happened. Send your entire friend group the link to this thread.
Dave will stab people in the back and Han will try to ostracize them while expecting them to still attend her to save face. Pair of jerks right there.” KnightofForestsWild
9. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Step-Dad's Funeral After Being Alienated By My Family?
“My stepdad recently passed away and I’m refusing to go to the funeral. I’ve cut ties with my family.
I was adopted at 8 years old and never felt like I was part of the family. My siblings would often pick on me for being adopted. My parents would often (even though they would deny it) would show extreme favoritism towards their real kids. I also felt unwanted and never really felt loved. During the holidays when the rest of the family would come down, it always felt extremely awkward.
I was always the outcast. I sat alone at the other table, I rarely would have anyone try and talk to me. Meanwhile, my siblings would be showered in attention. My older brother at the time told me that If I were to ever disappear nobody would even miss me or care.
At 16 years old I ended up getting with some bad company at school. I started going out with a guy who introduced me to some hard substances. After I started using I felt even more alone. I would go home and lock myself in my room and cry for hours at a time.
I would often skip eating due to the fact I couldn’t bear to socialize with them.
I would eventually run away with the previously mentioned guy. I ended up in Las Vegas where I would stay for the next couple of years. I remember kinda hoping that they find me and try and get me to go home thinking that it would prove they cared. They didn’t.
My partner would end up being an abusive jerk (no surprise) and would end up leaving me homeless. I tried to get back in touch with my family to seek some sort of help. They said Good luck we’ll pray for you. Years passed and at 25 years old I found a lady who I was really into.
We would see each other for the next few months till she sadly passed away. I used that as a wake-up call went to a rehab center and cleaned myself up. I would talk to my parents and ask if I could move back and stay with them till I got back on my feet.
They agreed but I had to pay them rent and had to follow a strict set of rules. I agreed and moved back in. The 3 months I lived there I felt like a roommate vs someone’s daughter and felt even more like an outcast. I finally couldn’t take it anymore and left in the middle of the night leaving a note on the table that read “Thanks for the opportunity here but I’m moving on “.
I moved back to Las Vegas where I would eventually relapse and sink into a downward spiral. Years later I would go back to the rehab center and clean my act up once and for all and would try to make contact for the last time with my family.
They wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. Fast-forward a few years till the present day, and I get a call from my stepmom saying my step-dad had a stroke and passed away. I can’t help but feel slightly guilty but I don’t care. I told her I was sorry to hear the news, and that I was not going to the funeral. She along with my stepbrothers have called me a jerk for not wanting to attend.
I don’t care though. So AITJ for not going and refusing to attend any other family events?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Sorry for your life and hope it gets better for you and you stay centered and clean. Now, on to your family, just tell your Mom what they told you back then, ‘Good luck, I’ll pray for you.’, and cut all contact.
That is really all you owe them for. Why do people continue to put themselves into situations that make them miserable and do them zero good I’ll never understand. This is the time to focus on yourself and stay clean. Going back to them will lead you back to that destructive path they set you on in the first place.
Who needs that? You certainly don’t.” mustng66
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m sorry they did this, and it seems like they might be issuing the fact they on paper but never emotionally adopted you to look good. You deserve better than people who don’t care and are outwardly antagonistic to you.
Just drop the connection and focus on your health, life, and happiness.” Odd-Skirt6679
Another User Comments:
“There are many things here. 1) They adopted you but never loved you. 2) Running away (both times) without any prior notice didn’t help your situation at the moment of asking for their help.
3) They had their whole right to not help you and not want anything to do with you, but this also made you reaffirm they don’t love you and won’t be there when you need them. Everyone’s a jerk here because of your previous actions, but NTJ for not going to the funeral.” Illustrious-Duck1681
Another User Comments:
“Why would you go to a stranger’s funeral? You weren’t a part of the family… you just lived in their home for a while. They demonstrated no affection, no interest in your life, and nothing resembling familial connections. So why should you go?
I’m even more curious why they’d even want you there. Are there people in their lives who would notice that you were absent? They want you there to show the world what a wonderful family they are. Even if they are… you’re not a part of it, so why should you care?” canuckleheadiam
8. AITJ For Parking In The Bays Under My Neighbours' Gardens?
“I got my first car in March and have been parking it in an area right beside my building but my neighbours have gone to great lengths to stop me parking there.
Beside my building, there is an alley that has parking spaces. Above the spaces are gardens (raised gardens to match the height of the houses) which belong to said houses on the other side – 3 in total. Each house has 2 parking spaces under their gardens approximately but they are completely off-centre so it’s more like one and a half and doesn’t seem specific to each house in any way.
So, I started parking my car there in March and I kept noticing weird mud smears on my car but I was washing it a lot anyway so I didn’t bother too much with it. Then one day when I came home a woman approached me and talked about how there was an entry door to a storage area under her house at the back of the parking space I was using.
Not every space had one of these doors so I moved my car to a space that didn’t have one so she had easy access. She approached me a second time the week after and told me that she was asking the council if the bays were her property – she was very passive-aggressive with me.
One day I bumped into another woman who lived in my building who told me she had had multiple encounters with this other woman about these parking bays. This first woman has never parked a car in any of the bays, and I know this because I have a direct view of all of the bays from my bedroom window, so we kind of just laughed at how uptight she seemed to be about it all.
About two months ago, the frequency of cars being parked in these bays declined. For over a month now the only car that I have seen parked there is mine. I woke up one day to one of the house owners building a wooden fence around two of the spots below his garden – the noise went on for about a week while he did this but since then he hasn’t used the space for anything so the lengths he went to construct this great wall of wood confused me.
Then, two days ago after returning from University, I found that two more of the parking spaces had been blocked off with old couches. So imagine the scene – 7 parking bays in total, 4 are being blocked off for whatever reason, and the only car attempting to park in any of these bays belongs to me.
Of course, I just moved my car yet another bay down but I just feel confused about whether or not I’ve caused an issue for these people and what that issue is considering none of them have parked a car there in the 6 years I have lived here.
I’ve searched the internet high and low for an answer to whether or not these bays are private property because they are under-owned gardens but I have had no luck. Like I said the bays aren’t even central to their gardens so legally, property line-wise, they would only own half a bay on each side which would be strange.
AITJ for using these parking bays?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here- Until you can figure out who owns the spaces no one is doing anything wrong. Someone needs to find a way to get in contact with the council or other authority who can say with certainty who owns/has access to the bay.
Until then you aren’t wrong for wanting to park there, but if they actually own the bay then they’re not jerks for putting stuff there that blocks parking, especially since they have storage access that would be blocked by cars otherwise. So this will probably just continue as a silent war until someone comes up with the official paperwork to show they own it.” Probswearingsweats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do you rent? If so, contact your landlord for some clarification about where you can park. If those are the spaces that you are supposed to park, your landlord needs to speak with whomever these people are who keep blocking the spaces.” creed_thoughts_0823
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to talk to the property manager or the grand council or whatever this woman was referring to. None of this should be your problem, you’re just trying to park your darn car. Contact whoever the authority is on this matter and apply whatever you learn.
If you find out the fence is out of ordinance, let them know what happened (hopefully it is and results in your neighbor being fined). And maybe get someone to move these couches. People wanna be passive-aggressive about stuff, be straight-up aggressive back. Make them hurt.
It’s one thing if everyone is friendly about it, and you respectfully parked elsewhere so as not to block the storage access. But it was responded to with petty nonsense. Reminds me of when I rented an apartment that DID NOT have assigned parking spots and fully able-bodied people would put cones in spots they deemed “theirs” because they were close to their unit.
Like, dude, I’m just gonna throw your cone in the bushes and park there anyway. Even if a spot closer to my unit was available, I just wanna ruin your day.” ThisIsTheCaptain
7. AITJ For Yelling At Old Church Ladies For Ignoring My No Solicitation Sign?
“So before you come after me with the torches and pitchforks please be aware that I did not just randomly pick out three old church ladies to berate.
After the worst of the year ended and people started going out and doing stuff again I started getting a ridiculous amount of people showing up at my door trying to sell stuff to me.
These things included all sorts of different things.
It got to the point where I seldom had a week go by that I didn’t get somebody at my door at least 2-3 times a week.
I do not like people showing up at my house unannounced especially ones that I don’t know, and I work in the evening and into the night so I’m sleeping during the day, and these people always end up waking me up.
I got a couple of the basic no soliciting signs but people either weren’t seeing them or just outright chose to ignore them.
Finally, about 6 months ago I had a huge sign made about 2 1/2 ft wide by 4 ft tall black background with red letters and stuck it on my front door. And this is what it reads.
ABSOLUTELY NO SOLICITATION
I WORK AT NIGHT SO IF YOU BANG ON MY DOOR RIGHT NOW YOU ARE GOING TO WAKE ME UP AND WILL NOT LIKE THE VERSION OF ME YOU MEET
I DON’T NEED MY TREES TRIMMED
I CUT MY GRASS
I ALREADY HAVE INTERNET
MY CAR IS NOT FOR SALE
AND I AM NOT LOOKING TO FIND JESUS
UNLESS YOU ARE FROM THE USPS, UPS, FEDEX, OR AMAZON
DO NOT BEAT ON MY DOOR!!!
This worked fine until a few days ago,
For some extra context, I was on day 18 of 21 straight at work (long story) and I had only gone to bed about 2 hours earlier.
It’s about 9:30 a.m. and I hear somebody beating at my door, and the moment later they start ringing the doorbell.
I stumble out of bed put on just enough clothes to be decent and go look out the door to see three white-haired old ladies that look to be in their ’60s or ’70s.
I opened the door looking at what had to be half tired and half-crazed and clearly upset and very bluntly asked them what they wanted.
The first words out of their mouth are something about being from some church and trying to spread the word of this or that, at this point, I just very bluntly cut them off and tell them this.
So I’m going to assume that at least one of you ladies can read right?
Don’t answer that, more of a rhetorical question. So here’s my question assuming that all three of you can read I’m wondering how you all missed this gigantic sign on my door that blatantly says absolutely no solicitation and specifically mentions your kind as I pointed at the part about not looking for Jesus.
To make a long story short I got very loud and frankly quite belligerent and yelled at them to get off my porch and told them that I wasn’t looking to find Jesus but I was going to show them the devil if they ever beat on my door again.
One of them said they felt my attitude was uncalled for, and I told them that beating on my door when I had a sign clearly stating not to was uncalled for.
I’ve told this story to a few people and opinions have been very split about it.
AM I THE JERK?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were specific, and the old ladies understood your sign but decided to give it a go, because who on earth will not smile and listen to 3 old and nice ladies? I get it that Christianity is a missionary religion, but that doesn’t give its followers the right to invade your or anyone else’s privacy, which starts by knocking on random doors, even without signs, and harassing them with their BS.” Debby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: They were very disrespectful of your wishes. While I’m all for “respecting your elders”, I feel it should go both ways. You expressed that you wanted to be left alone during the day in plain writing and they chose to ignore that.
As someone who also used to work nights and sleep during the day, I completely understand unleashing the beast when being rudely awoken by solicitors or Jehovah’s Witnesses (those were the worst). I’m completely on your side.” B_Hale87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your attitude was called for.
Some people just don’t get it until you yell in their faces. They were so cocksure that their good intentions would get them past anything when in reality they were being extremely rude. Maybe this will be a wake-up call for them, but probably not.
Most of those types of churches are an echo chamber far worse than Fox ~~~News~~~ Fiction.” plsuh
6. AITJ For Selling My Car After My Brother Failed To Buy It As Promised?
“Last September we decided we were ready to sell our car. It was paid off and we didn’t need it anymore and we were possibly getting a different vehicle or using the cash towards something else.
I told my brother that I was selling it and he said he was interested in buying it for our then 14 year old niece. I held off on selling the car until he could pay us the $3500 we had agreed on.
I had not heard anything since until after my niece turned 15 and was starting to drive.
(9 months after he agreed to buy it.) At that point the car was parked in our garage and we had stopped insuring and registering it as we assumed he would be getting it sooner than later. The only time the car was driven was so that I could move it out of the garage and so it wasn’t just sitting the whole time with gas going bad, etc.
Last month my wife wanted to drive it so we insured and registered it. That day we found out that the ac wasn’t working and it needed a new compressor and condenser so we spent $2100 on that repair. When we got the car back another problem arose and we had to replace the exhaust manifold for $1800.
Along with some other maintenance we ended up spending over $4000 on it. My brother still had not mentioned the car. I did tell him about the repairs to the vehicle.
In early August I had a conversation with my family and told them at the end of that week I was going to be selling it.
I told my brother that he had a week to come up with the funds or to figure out an arrangement and he never reached out to me within that time.
We decided to wait until the end of the month and if we still hadn’t heard from them we would readdress it.
Then a new issue! The transmission needed to be replaced, and it was going to be $5500. We got an offer for $1200 and I accepted it. I was already in the hole so much and I assumed he would not want to pay $3500 for a car he would have to make expensive repairs to.
I told him last night that we had sold the car, mind you this was 3 weeks after the set on buy date that came and went. I let him know it was sold and the reason why and he was upset. He said he had $1200 and would have taken it and fixed it himself and that I should have talked to him about it first.
I feel like if he all of a sudden has $1200 he could have reached out to me about buying the car a lot sooner and we could have made arrangements but he showed zero interest. Now that the car is gone he is acting like it was a done deal. $1200 wasn’t the amount we agreed on.
My mother called today upset because that’s not how family treats family, but should I have had to wait a year for my brother to finally pay me for the car? Should he have the right to be mad that I did not want my niece to drive a car that I do not feel was safe for her?
I even told him I had set aside $500 for my niece to put towards another car but he told me he didn’t want my money.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You told him many times over 9 months the car was available and the price and he did nothing.
It’s clear he wanted you to gift the car, so he’d pay nothing. His $1200 bluster was an outright lie – a bluff to get you to give him the car & keys so he could promise to pay “later” again. He’s full of crap. Never make a deal with him again.
Never offer his family money again.” Desertbro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your brother wants Schrodinger’s car – which he is both promised, but also not liable for paying for or fixing. Sadly, like the poor cat, this isn’t how life works. You gave him plenty of time and plenty of notice.
If your mom wanted to be involved she should have paid for the car herself. Otherwise she’s just an adult getting needlessly involved in the business of other adults.” CheckIntelligent7828
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here You all need to work on communication. I’m a bit confused why you did any work to begin with considering you didn’t want to keep it.
I would have told him with the first problem that he has a week to tell me if he’s interested and that it needs work so I’d give him a discount just to be done with it. He should have let you know quickly if he was interested. Overall – this is why I don’t sell things to family.
It always ends up a mess somehow it seems. I think you probably did save yourself long term annoyance as it sounds like the car is pretty much done working.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No, if that’s the whole story then you’re clearly NTA.
Brother is annoyed that the situation didn’t go his way and wants to blame you instead of accepting responsibility for his own inaction. Maybe he’d already promised it to his daughter and doesn’t want it to be his fault. Whatever the reason, it sounds like you gave him so many chances to buy it.
You warned him you were going to sell it. He’s being a big baby about it and telling your family the story in a way that makes you sound like the bad guy, which is a jerk move on his part.” Intothelibrary21
5. AITJ For Making Everyone Sit At The Same Table After A Dance Recital?
“Now I’m a dance teacher and we were having our last recital for the year when our director (let’s call him Mike) told us he was planning on going to a restaurant after the recital to celebrate a year well done.
He was also planning on inviting any dance families that wanted to join. We all agreed we would join and it was a great plan.
Now Mike’s family was in town to help us with the inner workings of the recital and planned to join us at the restaurant as well.
This meant 13 people at our table when we got to the restaurant.
After the recital, Mike had to drop off some things at his house and told us he would meet us at the restaurant. When we got there we told the hostess our party number and were surprised by some dance families who were also waiting for a table.
The hostess must have taken this as we were in the same party as she summoned both our party and the two dance families that were waiting over to the table they had set up. Now this wasn’t a big deal to me as the table had 18 seats at it and including the dance families we now had 19 people.
Side note: I was planning to get my food to-go and leave as soon as I got it as I had a family event to get to the next day and needed to drive home that night.
We all sat down with me planning on giving up my seat to Mike when he got there.
The table was set with the two dance families, me and the other dance teachers in the middle of the long table with Mike’s family on either side of us. Everything seemed to be fine with everyone talking and laughing.
This is when Mike came in.
I was ready to give up my seat and wait for my food at the bar when a dance family at a different table summoned Mike over to go sit with him, which he did. I then texted him to come take my seat as I was leaving soon.
But he replied that it was fine and to enjoy the time at the table as I had it.
This is when I noticed Mike’s brother, let’s call him Tim, was visibly upset and his wife trying to comfort him. After a while, Tim tapped me on the shoulder motioning for me to follow him.
I did and after we got out of earshot of our table he turned and told me I ruined his and his family’s night. Confused, I asked what he meant. He continued saying since his family are from out of state they don’t get much family time anymore and this was their time to do so since they were leaving the next day.
Me telling everyone to sit down at the same table split the family up and they couldn’t enjoy their night. I apologized saying that’s not what I thought the night was for as Mike stated it was to celebrate the end of the dance season.
Tim restated that I ruined his night and stormed back to the table.
After a couple more minutes our food arrived. Mine is in a doggy bag. I paid quickly and got up to leave. On the way out I went over to Mike and insisted he take my seat and sit with his family, which he did.
So am I the jerk for making everyone sit at the same table?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If the brother had a problem, it should have been brought up with Mike. If Mike was aware that the family wanted it to just be a family outing, he shouldn’t have scheduled the meals at the same time.
(But brother still should have brought it up with Mike, not you).” Even_School_6338
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If Mike’s brother was upset that was something he either needed to take up with his brother or keep to himself. I don’t know why he thought he had the right to scold you for anything.
Honestly, I’m pretty petty so in your place, I would go to Mike & tell him how inappropriate his brother had behaved (and yes it was inappropriate) & how uncomfortable it made me feel.” No-Function223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You didn’t ruin anything!
That was never a family evening from what you (and everyone else) knew. Mike didn’t care about the family time, Tim needed to take it up with him There was zero reason for him to pull you aside, it solved nothing” [deleted]
4. AITJ For Demanding Compensation After My Sister Destroyed My New Apple Studio Display?
“I (18F) will be starting university in a few days. The last year and a bit has been challenging for me because I lost my mother and my sister (29F) would only let my other sister (24F) live with her. I ended up living with my best friend for a few months until I got back on my feet.
I was able to find a full-time job whilst waiting to start university and luckily I was able to find a two-bedroom flat. I will admit the two-bedroom flat rent price is cheap as it’s in a rough area but as long as I have a roof over my head that’s all that matters to me.
Two months ago, I found out my mum opened a savings account for me and it had £2,000.00. I decided that I would treat myself and get an Apple studio display for University which retails about £1,500.00. Luckily I brought insurance.
Anyways. My middle sister “A” asked if she could come round and stay for a night just to have a bit of a break.
We still don’t have the answers but A has always been noise-sensitive.
A came round and I told her she can’t go in my second bedroom which I’ve set up as my office. For me, my office is private as it’s got a lot of private documents relating to me, I’ve just got a desk set up and I don’t feel comfortable letting her use my office as I feel she’s the person who would snoop.
A came round and she saw that I had an Apple studio display and asked if she could use it. She kept begging and I said no as it wasn’t fully set up yet. I asked if she just wait two hours as I had to go to work to drop some things off and then I had to set it up which would take me half an hour then she could use it but she mustn’t have any drinks near it or on the desk.
I came home from work, I was half an hour early and I went to the office so I could set it up for A so she could watch some movies. I walked in and I found it destroyed. She chucked something against it but I couldn’t see what.
I yelled at A to get in here now and I yelled at her and asked why is the studio display like that. She responded that she got annoyed waiting for me and she decided to smash it up in anger. Whilst saying this she wasn’t even apologetic.
I was super angry with her.
After hearing what she said I called B up in a fit of rage and told her what A had done. B said it wasn’t a big deal and I’ve got it insured. B continued to state I’m just overreacting.
I told A to go back home and she did leave.
A few hours later I calmed down and phoned B. I told B that I was not happy with what A did and I would like to be compensated £500.00 from A. I said to B that I know A can’t afford it in one go as she just gets under £300.00 a month from a part-time job so I would be happy to do a payment plan of £50.00 a month till this is cleared. B said I’m being ridiculous.
I said to B that I wouldn’t let A come around until she started paying me back. B continues to state I’m being ridiculous.
I now wonder if I’m just being a jerk and overreacting. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grown-up oldest sister left you on the streets at 17, where you would have remained but for the grace of a friend.
Your grown-up middle sister had a toddler tantrum because she had to wait two whole hours for you to get back and set it up. Frankly, you don’t owe either of these people anything at all. Even if the one pays you anything, she’s lost the right to be in your home.
The only jerks here are your sisters.” Chalker
Another User Comments:
“Your NTJ your house your rules and by telling your sister to not step into your office before it is ready is setting boundaries. Her walking into your office for any reason without your permission is enough for you to be extremely angry as she betrayed your trust but destroying your property is grounds for punishment that will make her think about her choices if that is payment until satisfactory I believe it is justified.” Creative_Pilot_4247
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your sister sounds like a disgusting piece of work, acting like a child who did not get their way is quite disturbing. She surely needs psychological help. I also don’t understand why you keep people like that in your life, they abandoned you at your lowest, and look at the present situation, you finally got to treat yourself after what was most definitely several setbacks and somehow your family was able to ruin that.
You are NTJ in the situation but if you let them keep doing this to you it would be an ESH situation.” Puzzleheaded_Job9819
3. AITJ For Asking My Parents To Leave After They Disrespected My Husband's Relationship With My Older Kids?
“I have come to find out if I was wrong for this or not. The background to this is important. I (40f) have been married to Andrew (42m) for the last 10 years and we have two children together, Rosie (3f) and Theo (1m). I came into our marriage with two kids.
Noah (15m) and Eliza (13f). My ex and I broke up when I was pregnant with Eliza.
I met Andrew a little over a year later and we were together for several months before he met the kids. My ex did not like the fact that I had moved on.
I was upfront with Andrew about how things were with my ex and that he might not like us being together before we reached the stage where my ex found out. He said it didn’t matter and he liked me and we’d make it work.
My ex started the alienation early. Despite my best efforts, the kids believed and still believed what my ex had told them. We always split custody 50/50. It was difficult when the kids were smaller. They were always dismissing Andrew and telling him he wasn’t their dad, they would tell us what their dad said about him and would say their dad wouldn’t lie when I would correct it.
They believed I didn’t see it because I loved Andrew. It was things like Andrew made them breakfast so they’d love him more than their dad, or that he showed up to things for them because he wanted to make their dad angry, or that he wanted to steal us away from him.
We were in and out of court. We had individual and family therapy going for us and the kids. The ultimate goal was for the kids not to be used as pawns and for a more civil home life. It was also to give me the tools to do the right thing when my kids were being rude or disrespectful toward Andrew.
My ex never lost any custody over the things he was saying. He was told to stop. But saying that time after time and doing nothing else changed nothing.
A few years ago we reached a point of civility. Noah and Eliza do not love or respect Andrew.
But they will be civil and respectful in the home. But Andrew is not called their dad or parent, they are not called his kids and that is something that would immediately end the civility.
My parents think Andrew is amazing mostly. They have made comments in the past about Andrew being a better father figure, etc. Recently they were unhappy though by the little time Andrew spends with the older kids and they said he can’t ignore two of his kids and he’s not just a father of two.
I explained to them why we don’t use that language, which they knew but I was clear, I was concise and I wanted them to know it had to be that way, otherwise, they dislike him and take it out on him because of what my ex said.
My parents told me they understood. But the next time we saw them they started to use that language and I interrupted them before they could make things worse because the kids were already mad hearing it. I told my parents to leave our home because they had not respected what I asked of them.
They said I was rude and that I had no right to treat them this way. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If the older kids are happy with the amount of time they spend with Andrew as your husband then your parents need to mind their own business.
Don’t doubt yourselves and the efforts you’ve put into getting the house to be a home where everyone has learned some tolerance and compromise.” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When I was their age, I thought my abusive father could do no wrong, and that I (or somebody else) must have done something to set him off when he was being abusive.
Even when he was hurling insults at me and making me fear for my life, I was so manipulated that I thought he was just “having a bad day”. I was a master at denying and minimizing his abuse. What helped me see how wrong his actions were, was 1) time, 2) support, and 3) therapy.
You’re already providing your children with (2) and (3). It’s unfortunate, but apart from time and consistency, there is little more to do. As long as he is in their lives, he will manipulate them. The saddest part is, there is a chance that they will continue to believe him, even as adults.
My siblings (now 30+ y.o.) are still enmeshed with our father’s abuse. They see nothing wrong with it. But, neither of them went to therapy, nor did they gain outside support. So I’m more optimistic about your children. All in all, this is a very difficult situation, and you’re doing your best.” Angry_ACoN
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m curious. What happens when something sets the kids off and they ‘get mad’, as you phrased it? Do they disrespect Andrew in his own home? And what are the consequences of that disrespect? Difficult situation, no doubt, and your ex is terrible for ruining your kids like this.
However they are old enough to be expected to treat others with consideration and respect, and they are old enough for consequences when they don’t. I don’t understand why they have been allowed to get away with this behavior (‘ending the civility‘ if someone calls them Andrews kids).” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As the people who have been on your side….the alienation sadly won. I hope for my husband’s sake his daughter wakes up to the lies her mother fed her….but we had the same. If I did something, even as basic as make her breakfast or lunch, it was to make her mum angry, or prove I was a mum….if I backed off and didn’t do it, I was an evil stepmum who hated her.
Same if I helped with homework, bought her clothes whatever…. It was impossible to win….and ultimately the alienation won. If you’re working with boundaries to stop that happening and something or someone is threatening that, stomp it out. It’s a tough fight and it sounds like you and your kiddos have found a balance that works for you…your parents are adding confusion to the mix that could impact the kids heavily.” Anon20170114
2. AITJ For Telling My Estranged Grandfather I Never Considered His Second Wife As My Grandma?
“I (19m) didn’t meet my grandfather until last year. My mom is his daughter and they were estranged long before I was born and they continue to be estranged today.
My grandfather had some people in his life who gave them info on my mom and my uncles, his sons who also became estranged from him, and he learned about his grandchildren through these sources. He reached out to me last year and I responded. I only spoke to my grandfather a few times.
Met him twice. The second time was last week. He came to check out where I live now that I’m going to college and he said he wanted to talk.
So here’s some background on the estrangement and stuff. My grandma, who was the mom of my mom and uncles, died when they were kids, and my grandfather remarried fast after her death.
He was pushy when it came to his second wife taking over for their mom and pushed his kids away in the process. They hated him for it but they also hated his wife and when my mom, the youngest of the family, turned 18 there was a big deal made out of the fact adult adoption was cheaper than childhood adoption and how my grandfather and his wife wanted them to start the process for his wife to adopt them.
My uncle said they told the two of them to drop dead and the estrangement began from there. The three of them moved as far from their father as they could get and swore they wouldn’t speak to him again.
My grandfather was talking about the death of his (second) wife and he told me that she died with the hope of reconciling with “their kids” and how her dream was the meet the grandchildren she knew she had.
He asked me if my siblings or any of our cousins ever once thought of his second wife as our grandma or if we ever even considered finding them or felt like we were denied the chance to have her as our living grandmother. I wasn’t sure if I should answer the question.
Like it felt like it was such a tough subject and honesty could be hurtful. But I decided to be honest anyway and I said to the best of my knowledge none of us did but I for sure never thought about her. I said I’d heard about her in passing but it was more of someone my mom disliked and not this is someone in my family who I never met.
My grandfather became upset and asked why I never felt like I was denied grandparents and didn’t I think it was selfish that I could have been blessed with this amazing grandma, etc. I told him I had a good life and a happy family and never felt like I missed out.
I said when I think of grandma I think of my paternal grandma or the grandma I never got to meet, but who was so loved by her kids that more than 40 years after her death they still get together to remember her on her birthday.
He said my answer was hurtful and he left, telling me the truth is sometimes best left unsaid. I wanted to say he asked but I know some people will hide the truth even when asked directly and I wonder if this was one of those times where I should have done that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is on your grandfather. You were born after their familial fallout, why would you ever think of some person you’ve never met, who is not related to you, as a grandmother? You can’t miss what you never had. If he’d put some thought into this issue, he would’ve figured it out without the need to ask you.
But honestly, he might already be too senile to connect the dots.” MediumWellSteak8888
Another User Comments:
“Ah, NTJ You have a small glimpse of why nobody has talked to him for decades. He is not interested in the truth. He didn’t care that his children did not like his second wife.
He demanded they treat her as a mother anyway. And he ended up with nothing. He’s still not learned that lesson, though.” chrestomathy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Telling the truth doesn’t make you jerk. Still, there are ways to break the truth to someone. Your grandfather is still obviously somewhat hurt (and it doesn’t matter anymore that it might’ve been him that caused this rift).
Dozens of years later, I think reconciliation doesn’t hurt anyone. Your grandfather never treated you badly. I’d advise you to think about your relationship with the man as separate from that of your parents’ generation.” IFightWhales
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Estranged Father Call My Kids His Grandkids?
“I (27F) was raised primarily by my mother after she left my father after years of infidelity. I am the middle child of 3 and the only girl. After my parent’s separation, we lived with my mom and only saw my dad a handful of times over the years.
Eventually, my dad had 2 other daughters with the woman who was at one point our nanny and he is still with her to this day. His daughters are now 18 and 15. Over the years my communication with him slowly faded out until one day I decided to go completely noncontact.
My decision was based on multiple reasons but the main one was after turning 15 his family and I had a huge problem that ended up in physical altercations, police reports, and even a trial because of things they were saying about me around town. I called him and asked for support and begged him to talk to his sisters about mostly just leaving us alone and letting us live in peace.
They would make social media posts about me even after I blocked all of them they would just write my name, they would drive by my house and yell mean and disgusting things, and wherever I would find a job they would say stuff to the manager or owners to get me fired. All he said to me was to fix my problems and that I shouldn’t bother him with petty women stuff, not to call him again if this was all I was gonna ask of him, that that was his family and I needed to respect them and deal with it.
After that day I decided to go no contact with him. Over the years he has maintained contact with my brothers and he has asked them to talk to me so that I can talk to him but I always refuse. Now to the present, he contacted my mom a few months ago and asked her to talk to me so that he could have the opportunity to talk to me and fix things.
My mother gave me his number and ultimately told me that it was my decision if I wanted to contact him. I told her that I would need to take time to think things through, but I couldn’t see myself having a relationship with him anymore.
I told him that I could probably only offer parting things peacefully because now as a mother of three, there are still things I don’t understand. After all, I would never turn my back on my kids.
I did end up texting him, but it was like talking to a stranger.
We had a conversation of maybe an hour through text and that was it. Nothing was said besides seeing how we were over the years. Now a month later, he texted me again from a different number, it took me a couple of hours to respond, and then he asked me about my kids however, when he asked me for my kids, he referred to them as his grandkids, and that did not sit right with me.
I told him that, even if we were talking a bit, his relationship with my kids was something completely different. That he barely had the title of father let alone the title of grandfather, so I would appreciate it if he didn’t refer to my kids as his grandkids, as my kids, don’t even know of his existence, so am I the jerk for saying that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have control over the language he uses outside of your presence, but you are wise to set very firm boundaries with this man. He hasn’t shown you love or respect in years. He actively allowed others to harm you.
He deserves nothing from you.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“I know I can’t control what he calls my kids when I’m not around. I just wanted to make him understand that my kids don’t see him as a grandpa as I barely see him as a dad.
I did have a stepdad for 12 years but he is also out of the picture due to his own choices. My kids know of their paternal grandfather only and he honestly is the best grandpa to them. He loves them and he treats me as a daughter.
I told my husband that I didn’t know what it was to have a paternal figure who supported and loved me until I met my father-in-law. But I did want to set that boundary with my bio dad because it just didn’t sit right with me how easily he just called them his grandkids when he knows we are still trying to fix things between us.” Aggravating_Stuff554
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for having these feelings. I get it as my history is similar to yours. Your kids *are* his grandkids but he certainly has never nurtured that relationship, just like he did not nurture his relationship with you as your bio dad.
Your children are precious to you and so sharing them with someone like him who has let you down in a big way is not something you particularly want. I get it. They are not HIS anything in your way of thinking and that is correct.
Being a grandfather is so much more than just claiming the biological connection.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“Ok…I am going against the grain…YTJ. You have a right to choose not to have certain people in your and your children’s lives, but not a right to reframe the context of reality.
My perspective comes from being an adoptee with a very in-depth and thoroughly explored reunion. Who had to realize that a lot of the ways things were presented and framed for me, were just not true. a ‘Grandfather’ is just as much a biological reality (that your children may have a visceral response and attraction to as he is their kin) as a societal role.
You may not want him as a close family relation. Or have him have any role With responsibility. That’s fair. He is technically their grandfather though … it’s not healthy nor fair to your kids to forbid a spade from being called a spade because you have unresolved issues with said spade.
Any reframe that denies acknowledgment of base realities is not healthy. You kids may not know their grandfather now, but they may be biologically designed to relate to him as kin, as a grandfather. Please do not rob your children of this if it has the potential to be a healthy and wonderful relationship for them.
If you don’t think there is a possibility for a wonderful relationship at the very least don’t burden your children with the consequences of the side effects of a lie/reframe. You can create boundaries without manipulating context. Don’t take your beef with your father’s family, and his lack of support or cowardice in that situation out on your children.
That is between you and him to resolve. At some level, we know a spade is a spade.” AdministrativeWish42
