People Need To Be Stopped In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Making A Pregnancy Joke That Upset My Emotionally Distressed SIL?
“I (F29) am pregnant with my first, and five days past my due date.
My MIL (F57) has kindly offered for my husband (M30) and me to stay with her, as she is much closer to the hospital and it makes more sense. We gladly accepted, but the hitch comes with my SIL (F25) who is also staying with MIL and is very much an attention seeker.
Normally I don’t bother her and she doesn’t bother me, but everyone under the same roof reached boiling point last night.
My SIL was left at the altar seven months ago and has been devastated by the whole thing. Her horrible ex ran off with another girl on the day of the wedding, and I cannot imagine how she feels.
That being said, she has now diagnosed herself with “emotional infertility”. I am not a doctor to know if this is even real, but she says that it is infertility brought on by extreme emotional trauma.
Again, this hasn’t been an issue because I generally steer clear.
Still, I was getting quite uncomfortable at dinner last night after sitting for too long and making a joke about serving the baby an eviction notice. My SIL immediately burst into tears and said that I was lucky to even be able to experience pregnancy and that my comment showed how ungrateful I am.
I said that I was not ungrateful, I was just uncomfortable and impatient to meet the baby. My SIL then started crying harder and said I was rubbing the situation in her face when I found out about her emotional infertility, and I was also being insensitive by being so callous as to threaten a baby with eviction.
I told her it was a joke, and she said, “I could never even joke about doing that to someone I am supposed to love.” She also said I lacked the empathy to be a good mom.
I don’t know what came over me, but I just couldn’t listen to this anymore and told everyone that this discussion was all a bit much and I was going to bed. I will admit, that I help with clearing up and washing, but I just got up and left.
Soon after, my MIL came after me and said that she couldn’t have me in the house unless I apologized to SIL for hurting her feelings, and I apologized to MIL for being a bad house guest and not helping. She said I need to be more understanding if I want to be a successful mother.
MIL said that I had until tomorrow’s dinner to apologize and find a way to make it up to both her and SIL.
When my husband came up, I was telling him what MIL had said, and he agreed with her and said she wouldn’t be out of line for kicking us out.
Now I am starting to wonder if I am being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SIL has a mental issue not “emotional infertility”. That does not mean your comments did not hurt her. Most likely they did. however, you cannot walk on eggshells all the time.
Your husband should have your back and his behavior is the most concerning. I would move back to your place and tell your MIL and SIL that they can see the baby when they apologize to you.” ItIsNotAManual1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, no medical professional would diagnose any type of infertility for a person who hasn’t, you know, tried to get pregnant on purpose and because they felt an odd sensation in their abdomen during a time of emotional duress.
She more likely has displaced grief over the breakup and someone needs to say that. Secondly, evicting the baby is a common joke. Pregnancy is uncomfortable in the late stages and being grateful for something does not require denying reality. Third, who in the world wouldn’t give someone five days past due a pass on the dishes now and then?
Pregnancy isn’t a free pass to do nothing for forty weeks, but when you’re past the due date, you should have some grace on household chores. Fourth, being a parent requires sensitivity, empathy, the ability to selectively tell painful truths, and the ability to just shut down some forms of foolishness.
Lastly, your husband has lost his mind and should be doing ‘your’ part of kitchen cleanup.” Melificent40
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t apologize to either of them, you said and did nothing wrong. Do yourself a favor, Go home, there is no reason for you to be at your MIL’s.
The hospital might be a bit closer, but that seems to be the only benefit. Pack your stuff up and get yourself back home tomorrow morning. Your SIL may be hurting but she needs some professional help” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Not Giving Up Skating After My Partner Said I Humiliated Him At A Renaissance Faire?
“I (21F) started seeing my partner (28M) 1 year ago after we connected over our love of skating and Renaissance Faires (I know it’s pretty random but that’s part of why sparks flew).
He always complimented me on my skills and I loved his passion for the sport *and* for historical festivals.
I would say my costuming skills are meh, but I’m a pretty good skater. When my partner and I first started seeing each other, I felt like he respected my shredding ability.
Recently though, I felt something change. He stopped wanting to practice together and has started giving me the cold shoulder. Once, he told me that he had to go see an anesthesiologist, so I decided to practice at our local skate park and I saw him there practicing without me!
He doesn’t have to practice with me, but I was hurt that he lied. The only thing that has happened in between his behavior change was that we participated in a recent regional skating competition together. I actually ended up placing in our event, but my partner was quiet the whole time and only gave me one “congratulations” before disappearing.
He didn’t text me for 2 days, even after I called him, and has behaved weirdly ever since.
Our disagreement happened because of the ‘Ren ‘Faire we recently attended. Last year he showered me in compliments due to my costume, but this year he didn’t give me a single one before delving into my anachronisms. I always appreciate feedback to help me grow, but I felt a little deflated by his immediate criticisms.
Our schtick at the ‘Ren ‘Faires is that we skateboard in our costumes. People get a huge kick out of it, and there are usually a lot of them getting our pictures or filming us for videos. It can be a lot but most of the time I think it’s all fun, so I play along.
This year I felt particularly enthusiastic because of my recent win, so I might have been showing off a little more than usual. To be fair, there were a lot of young girls who were excited to see me with my skateboard, and they were asking me a lot of questions so of course I wanted to help them.
However, my partner started scolding me when driving me back to my apartment after the event, saying that I “humiliated” him. He started saying things like “people were pointing and whispering” at him and that several girls laughed at him. I was pretty shocked to hear all of this because I didn’t think people were paying any attention to him at all.
To be honest, while I was answering questions or pulling tricks for some pictures, he was standing 10 feet away on his phone. I don’t even know if people knew we were seeing each other.
But my partner was upset about it and said that, as an apology, I should give up skating for 3 months.
I’m leaving it up to you. If I’m the jerk, I’ll go through with it and apologize.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But why did say he was seeing an anesthesiologist? I would think the only reason you’d see one outside of having surgery is for some pretty chronic severe pain.
I don’t know if something got left out of this story or something, but it sounds like there’s something up with him to make such a drastic change in behavior so quickly for no reason.” Last_Remove2922
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, you should never have to apologize for success.
Second, giving up something you love for 3 months is not an apology – it’s a punishment. Your partner is punishing you for being successful at something that the two of you share – he feels better than he is. And, rather than being happy at the success of someone he loves, he is jealous.
this means, in this relationship, you are not meant to be equal but are meant to only be arm candy that makes *him* look good as opposed to someone with her ambitions and successes. You deserve better in life – you deserve someone who will celebrate your successes, not try and punish you for them.
Also, keep doing what you are doing – those girls who were excited to see you are also possibly ones who will be inspired by you to do something exceptional themselves.” bamf1701
17. AITJ For Being Upset That My Sister Used My Wedding To Show Off Her Tattoos And Stir Up Family Drama?
“My sister is 18 and I’m 26. She’s in college and moved out of our parent’s house in June. Since then my sister has gotten a bunch of tattoos. I’m cool with that but she knows our parents are not and she decided she was going to flaunt them all at my wedding for the first time, knowing our parents would react badly to them.
She didn’t stop there though. She went up to a few family members who were anti-tattoo and was gloating about getting them too. It ended up in a fight between her, our parents, and a few extended family members. My sister was smirking the whole time.
She was so glad she could get under our parent’s skin. She never told me a thing about it either. The whole fighting was so distracting and she approached me at one point during the reception and asked me why I wasn’t standing up for her and talking to her.
I was mad. I admit I was mad. She could have shown them the day before the wedding and let everyone get it out but she wanted to make sure more people saw and make a bigger scene over it.
I ended up kicking several family members out of the wedding because they could not behave and I pretty much ignored my sister.
She realized this a few days ago and started texting me asking why I wasn’t texting her and why I was “being so weird”. I ignored her texts because I wasn’t ready to talk but she decided to show up Sunday at my house and asked me why.
She told me I was treating her like she did something wrong.
I told her she did. That she knew our family would react badly and she used my wedding day to have that fight. I told her she had so much time to tell them and let things happen but she waited so she could take so much attention away from my husband and me on our wedding day.
I said the fighting was distracting for so many people, the tension was palpable and she knew what she was doing. I told her she made me regret inviting any of them and I told her that included her.
She told me I should be mad at our family, not her, that they were always the ones who did the wrong thing.
She brought up how once she was born I was brushed aside and how it wasn’t her fault. But it showed why I should be only mad at our family. I told her she didn’t get to draw so much attention to herself intentionally and expect me to be okay with it when it was supposed to be my wedding, you know, one of the happiest days for a couple.
She started yelling and she told me I was punishing and blaming her unfairly and she thought I understood our parents were not good, etc. She sent me a string of texts yesterday saying I had been so unfair to her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your sister is spoiled and rebellious and all about herself. You probably should have given her an analogy that she could understand, something that would have affected the attention on her for her to understand. She is so focused on her issues she won’t see why you are upset.” Sashasez
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She knew what she was doing, she was smirking, she was deliberately winding people up at your wedding, taking attention for herself while also upsetting multiple people. Your parents may have pushed you aside when she was born but she’s shown very well that she understood this and still takes advantage of it, still plays into it, and still steals attention.
Now she’s yelling at you for holding her accountable for her actions. You have a new family now, I’d focus on them.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister hijacked *your* wedding to have her cathartic clear-the-air get-it-all-out-there take-that fight with her family. She intentionally ruined your wedding for her self-interest and amusement.
I get that there is longstanding family drama and issues with your parents, per your replies, but your sister is the one in the wrong in this particular instance.” Khajiit_Has_Upvotes
16. AITJ For Arguing With My Dad Over Steak Preferences On His Birthday?
“I’m going to preface this by saying that while I (22F) love my dad (60M), we have a complicated and difficult relationship, and it’s been made worse in the last few years for various reasons. Something he tends to do (with most other people, not just me) is act like he is always the most correct and fully informed person in the room.
His facts and opinions are the only right ones and he will not hear anything else.
2 weeks ago I flew back to my home state so I could visit my family and take my father to dinner for his birthday. I made our reservations at a steak place he loved. I bought him a beer, we got caught up with each other, and then it came time to order.
He ordered his steak well done, and I ordered mine rare. The problems started immediately after when he told the waitress that I don’t really want that and I’ll have mine medium well. I laughed because I was hoping he was just messing around, and I said no, I wanted rare.
The waitress finished taking our order and left, and my dad started up with “Well if you get sick tonight it’s not on me” and it turned into an argument about food safety and steak.
My father has this ridiculous belief that rare steak and rare ground beef are the same and that BOTH can get you sick, despite foodborne illness not working like that.
I’ve had a certification in food safety since 16 and have worked on and off in food service for years (back on for the past year), but despite my experience and knowledge on this topic, he refuses to listen to me and always belittles me and says I don’t know what I’m talking about or something to that effect.
That same thing happened during this argument, during which I tried to remain polite and levelheaded and steer the conversation towards anything else, but he wouldn’t let it go. Finally, when HE was ready to be done with it, he said that it’s not my fault I’m younger and don’t know any better.
I told him it’s not my fault that he’s ignorant and hard-headed and can’t stand to listen to anybody else but himself.
I guess he also hit his limit (he does have a history of anger issues) and he got up and left. We’d taken his car so I was stranded, but my mom lives in that town so I called her and she came and ate with me and we took my dad’s meal to my grandma (mom’s side) and we chilled the rest of the evening.
I tried to just let it go until my dad cooled down, but he didn’t really. I’ve gotten one text from him since it happened and it was a long paragraph about how I disrespected him in public and embarrassed him. I left him on read.
I feel like after so many years of acting like this he had it coming, but a couple of family members agreed that it was a jerk move because it was his birthday. I’m split. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The ages are wrong but he could be my idiot father, right done to the ruined steak.
He’s a grown man. He went and had a pout. Grown men do not go off in a pout when he is proven wrong. They also don’t leave people stranded like that.” SKDI_0224
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t “make him walk out,” he chose to walk out due to disagreeing/meltdown over what his adult daughter chose to eat.
(And left you stranded.) That it was his birthday is beside the point, it sounds as if he would do it any time. You put in the effort, he didn’t. It’s not your fault he can’t comport himself in a respectful adult-to-adult conversation without making it “thing.” I’m glad you didn’t let it spoil your night, it seems he’s good at that.” BefuddledPolydactyls
Another User Comments:
“Any good steak house worth its salt should be prepared to serve the steak blue with zero health ramifications. I mean maybe if this was Denny’s I’d be more careful, but a good steak deserves to be treated with respect and not turned into shoe leather.
NTJ, mostly because it sounds like OP tried to change the topic and Dad kept gnawing like a dog with a (grossly overcooked) bone.” Prudent_Plan_6451
15. AITJ For Not Lending Money To My Cousin With A Bad History?
“I (26F) have relatives from my dad’s side that I don’t like to be with. My dad came from a dysfunctional family, who got him beaten, but he was able to break free from them and he was a great dad to me and my sisters.
His side is so poor that’s why he helps them from time to time, and there was a time they crashed into our house and they lived with us for a year (a family of 6 by the way). My family isn’t poor but we aren’t rich either so this caused a financial strain for us.
Throughout the years, we learned that some of my dad’s brothers were involved in illegal activity and were positive for using the said substances.
Fast forward, my sisters and I managed to graduate from nice universities. My sisters are all married with kids now whilst I am still single.
I live in Dubai right now and I am working in a decent office job, enough to pay for all my bills, to eat 3x a day, to travel at least once a year, and to set aside some savings. This is where I might be a jerk though.
I went to Thailand a few weeks back after months of planning and saving for this trip. Posting photos on social media is part of it, of course, I posted photos of my friends and me who were enjoying that time. I was friends with my cousins from my dad’s side on social media so they saw my photos eventually.
Some of them commented, even though we are not close, “How envious we are” or “How I wish I could do that too” which are fine. But one comment irked me which is “How dare you to be happy when you don’t help your family who is in need”.
My sister sent this screenshot to me and told me to delete it but I was late as I didn’t check my social media for some time because I was busy. I felt that comment made me look really bad.
The cousin was the same age as me and she has 3 kids and is a single mom, we were never close but I am civil towards her.
I helped her last time by giving her groceries and diapers for her twin daughters, I helped her but never in the form of money because she had a history with substances too. Then after the comment incident, I learned from my dad that she was asking to loan money from me, she told my dad because she knows I can’t say no to my dad.
She asked me for a loan twice now but she never paid for it. I said no to her because why would I? Why would I lend her that big amount when I worked hard for it? In the end, I gave only three-quarters of the amount she was asking because I was sure it would not return, and now she thinks I’m stingy and a social climber.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve been a poor, single-parent relative. No one owes you help, except the other parent. You should not be made feel guilty for living your life and enjoying yourself. You have no obligation to help her and it’s very kind that you have done so in the past. I certainly would not help her again with that kind of entitlement.” whynousernamelef
14. AITJ For Refusing To Close The CMS Case Until My Ex Agrees To A Proper 50/50 Childcare Split?
“It’s been 5 years since I split from my ex and the father of my 3 children. We divorced in March this year. For context, he is self-employed working from home much like myself.
He has every other weekend, Tuesday, and every other Wednesday. So 6 nights out of 14. It can be tricky for logistics but after so many years we are in the flow of it and whilst I’ve never agreed it was the best scenario for the kids, they have always taken it in their stride.
Financially we agreed to split the essential costs for them.
Whilst we’ve made it work, around 2 years ago I was at the end of my rope over getting the 50% financial contributions reimbursed for the kids’ stuff and unreliability. Perhaps I was petty, I know he does more than some dads- he has told me as much.
I have the kids 51 extra days in the year. To me, that’s 51 days of feeding, housing, and in entertaining in the holidays.
He offered to subsidize the extra days I had with additional days in half term and Summer holidays however they never materialize. It was lip service.
When I asked for these days leading up to holidays he would say ‘ we will see’ and later tell me he is too busy.
Anyway, the CMS claim came as a surprise, he felt it was unjust and refused to pay. I explained I didn’t want his money but a true 50/50 split and shared the financials.
If not, the CMS would cover his half of their financial liabilities. CMS was my last resort for equality.
Anyway he never paid it, I never escalated the claim, but he did get better at sharing the finances. I had to be content that my kids had a good portion of time with their dad.
In June this year, he moved into his partner’s house, a 2 bed, much smaller than the house but still close. Now he only has room for our 2 girls for the normal routine and our son stays with me full-time. My son doesn’t seem to mind.
The other day ex asks me why he is still getting letters from CMS and he thought it was agreed and closed. Occasionally CMS sends emails and asks if everything is ok. As far as they’re aware I am happy with the situation. But I never closed it.
My ex says he needs me to close the case as he’s getting a mortgage and thinks it will affect his application.
I’m not sure. Personally, I think he will finally have to declare what he actually earns and then CMS will have correct figures.
I’ve never ever had any leverage when it comes to striking a deal on fairness in the care of our children, he sees me as the woman so I should do more and he does more than ‘most men’. My argument has always been he’s not most men, he should be there in all the ways I am for them.
WIBTJ if I said I would close it, only if he agrees to a proper 50/50 split of childcare?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You wouldn’t have had to do it to begin with if he was stepping up fully as a father. His views are outdated and wrong.
He does more than most fathers? Says who? That’s him trying to get you to cancel it because he knows he will be forced to support them more than he currently does because, surprise, it isn’t enough. Forget his feelings and his mortgage application, your kids come first.” modifiedmomma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The law enforcement and child support enforcement is there to protect the children. CMS has nothing to do with protecting adults from this or that. He is still controlling you even though you aren’t married anymore. This isn’t about you and him.
This isn’t about his new home or his new partner. This is about the children. Leave the CMS case open and let him deal with it like the adult that he is.” Just-Contribution418
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. I completely understand wanting a true and equitable financial split, but I don’t understand wanting to force visitation on someone who doesn’t want it.
Like, it’s total nonsense that guys get a pass socially on not being parents to their children, but your kids sure as heck won’t thank you for forcing them to go hang with someone who doesn’t want them there.” Wide-Heron-1015
13. AITJ For Leaving My Surprise Baby Shower Against My Cultural Beliefs?
“My husband (38M) and I (36F) are finally expecting a child together after years of trying, and we’re both super excited. Due to how long it’s taken to get pregnant, I’m being careful about who I’m telling and how I’m celebrating, especially given the risk of miscarriage.
I’m seven months along.
My husband is close to his two female first cousins N (40F) and A (45F), both of whom have kids. My husband and I both immigrated to our current country from different countries and met here as adults. In my culture, we don’t have baby showers before birth due to caution about not celebrating too much before giving birth to a live baby, while in my husband’s culture, baby showers are common.
Both N and A had baby showers, which is fine (I attended and gave them gifts), but now that I’m pregnant, they’re asking me when my baby shower is going to be. I’ve told them repeatedly that I’m not going to have one. They refused to acknowledge this and have continued to ask.
My MIL and my husband’s aunt are also asking but have been more polite when I’ve explained why I don’t want one. The cousins are disappointed that we’re not having a baby shower since they’re close to my husband.
This weekend, N invited me for a family dinner at her house, and it turned out to be a surprise baby shower for us: decorations, games, gifts, the whole shebang.
My family lives a few states away, so it was just my husband’s family and friends in attendance. I flipped out. I had told them repeatedly that I didn’t want a baby shower because I was superstitious about finally having a healthy baby; I burst into tears and told them that if they weren’t going to listen to me, then they weren’t going to meet my baby after the birth.
My MIL had driven me there, so I ordered an über and went home without telling them. They called my husband in a panic because I had just left, and my husband got upset at me for leaving when his family was just trying to do a nice thing for me.
I said that doing a nice thing would’ve been to respect my wishes. When I complained to my mother, she was surprised and said that she hadn’t heard anything about this until now, so apparently nobody on my side was even consulted.
My husband and his family are upset at me for not being grateful about the baby shower, and my husband said that I should’ve just sat through it.
I say that I shouldn’t have to tolerate something that goes against my cultural practices when it doesn’t hurt anyone. My husband and I can afford to buy stuff for our baby, so it’s not about the gifts. (And yes, I know how expensive things can get for babies; it’s more that I don’t want unnecessary/unwanted stuff cluttering our home.).
My husband wants to keep the gifts because his family went to the trouble of buying them, whereas I want to donate them. AITJ for just leaving my “baby shower” when I didn’t want one and not being more grateful?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You set a boundary.
You made it clear you did not want one and you explained yourself, which you didn’t have to do. Just because they are excited and want to celebrate doesn’t mean that they have to do this. They could have easily waited until your baby was born to celebrate (that is if you wanted to.
Having a newborn around people is a lot on so many levels). Honestly, your husband needs to understand that you and your baby are now his immediate family and his immediate priority. If he cannot accept that and support you now, I’m sorry, but that means this is only going to get worse.
If your husband cannot support you, then you need to do what is best for you and your baby.” -0_0-2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You repeatedly told them you didn’t want a baby shower and why, and then they tricked you into attending one.
To me, this isn’t an honest mistake but a bunch of choices these people made to ignore your wishes and now they’re pretending to be victims when they should’ve just listened to you. It wasn’t a nice thing for you- it was a baby shower for themselves.
They didn’t even include your family and friends. You have a husband problem, for not having your back. I dunno if there are going to be other cultural differences in the future, but you should figure those out with him.” FancyPantsDancer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
From an American, where baby showers are the norm: even in our culture, if someone tells you ‘no, I don’t want one’ *you don’t throw one*. You left in literal tears. Anyone whose ‘nice gesture’ backfires that badly is a jerk. *Especially* when boundaries have been explained repeatedly, a negative reaction is to be expected. There were many compromises to be made here.
Yes, there’s something to honor each parent’s culture. But the shower could have just as easily happened after the birth as before. It’s much more common across the world to give gifts after birth than before. (Just don’t pass the baby around. People can coo over the bassinet/pack-n-play.)” Cryptographer_Alone
12. AITJ For Locking My Room To Keep My Intrusive Aunt And Her Family Out?
“For a bit of context, my paternal aunt and her husband neither came from a privileged background. Her family still resides with my grandparents to this day. We were pretty close since I was a kid but ever since my mom passed away, things shifted. My dad was always at work and it was just me with my two younger siblings.
At first, it was just her visiting unannounced. I didn’t mind because she would bring me food and I would confide with her most of the time. Later on, I had a feeling that the free food and consolation she brought gave her the entitlement as if our house was also hers.
My dad pointed out that we were being too close, but I shrugged this off. However, she started bringing her whole family including her husband and two kids without anyone in this house knowing that they were gonna come. We didn’t even have the chance to open the gate and the door for them because they already invited themselves in.
They would spend the entire day from morning until night, lounging in our living room and cooking in our kitchen using the ingredients in our pantry. I asked my dad, the owner of the house, and every time they asked for his permission, he always said no. This spanned for two years, by the way.
One of her kids is severely autistic. He’s around 5 to 7 years old and requires constant attention but they just let him wander free in our house. The problem is that my cousin barges into each room and jumps on the bed, leaving him unattended most of the time.
It’s either my aunt is busy cleaning up for the kid’s mess, her husband is distracted on the TV, or they’re both just lounging. I have set my ground rules for my personal space (Not sitting on my bed with outside clothes and not bringing food) and my immediate family, who lives in this house, respects it.
I don’t understand how anyone outside won’t be able to grasp that. My aunt insisted on letting my cousin in because he should be considered since he’s special. I just came up that my room is a mess and I have a project going on.
Already told my dad about it and he said she would be devastated if we assert our boundaries.
I took matters into my own hands and whenever they came over, I would lock my door. Doing this didn’t stop them, they continued peeking through my window as a result.
My aunt picked this up and started ignoring me. Whenever I was present, she would just embarrass me. This went on for months but I didn’t mind. Suddenly, walking home, I bumped into her on the street and she talked to me like it was nothing.
I kept walking not knowing that she followed me home, visibly mad. I was able to lock myself in my room before she started banging on the door and asking me to come out. My dad thinks I’m the jerk for disrespecting her since she’s older.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your bedroom needs to be a safe space for you, in this multi-generational, multi-family home. Your parents need to talk to your aunt and say “We understand you have your reasons for practically moving into our home, but my child’s room is off-limits to your family.
This is my child’s home and they need somewhere to do their homework, to rest, and to store their things safely. Do NOT bother my child about this again, or our ability to host you will diminish.” And… put a lock on your door.
For sure. Worth it. Close the blinds. Ignore them all. If your Aunt starts trying to follow you or talk to you in the street just loudly shout (so everyone around you looks) something like “WOULD YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?” Or “WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME” and then RUN fast. She will look crazy and you look like you are protecting yourself.
She can complain to your parents after, but she won’t try that rubbish again in front of everyone in a hurry.” Particular-Try5584
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Being old does NOT entitle ANYONE to respect. Everyone gets the base amount and then more or less based on their behavior.
She doesn’t own the house and YOUR DAD is the one who needs to set and keep the boundary that your room is YOURS. The audacity of this woman to just come in and make herself at home.” Tomboyish717
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They shouldn’t be coming over all the time unannounced. But perhaps they are doing it to give your grandparents some peace, especially since they have a special needs child.
Why don’t you suggest they come on certain days so you can all be prepared for the visit?” boomboombalatty
11. AITJ For Not Inviting My Dad's Manipulative Ex To His Memorial?
“My Dad passed away last week. His ex has been terrible for years. My Dad had a heart condition and ultimately got a transplant.
She was there when he died (for exchange services). Back up a year. She called my sister and said, “Check on your Dad because I think he’s going to pass away”. We couldn’t get a hold of him and I asked her why she left him if he needed medical attention.
She said, “I’m a single Mom, I have to go to work”. We didn’t know what to do, call an ambulance. Where?
She told me he was a stalker and could not stop seeing her and that he had an impulsive disorder that made him see her.
He paid her monthly rent, a new car, and anything her child needed including dirt bikes and such. How does he stalk her if she goes to him for funds and is the one that goes over to his house? Note, she is also in a relationship with another man that she says is her soul mate on social media.
From what I am told she does this with lots of men. Anyway, I said you cannot come because this is a private event for family and close friends. We are doing a family sideshow with us girls growing up and exchanging memories, potluck style.
It would not be appropriate for someone like her to be there when everyone hated that she played with my Dad’s feelings/heart and disrespected him so badly. He tried to leave her. She even cut herself and sent pictures saying she hurt herself because he wouldn’t answer texts or calls.
Her response after I said not to come
” I get you’re upset and I’m sorry you couldn’t understand what Andy and I shared. I can agree it was toxic at times but the bond and love we shared for one another was an unbreakable connection he was my best friend but also my son’s best friend.
I’m sorry if you are uncomfortable believing, I don’t want to make any of you uncomfortable as this is a hard time for many people. (Including my family)…
Could we please keep this about what’s important and that is your father. Believe me, I feel uncomfortable just as well as any of you, but if I didn’t go, I know for a fact that man would roll over in his grave so I will be attending, and I will also be doing a horse carriage drawn with my mother For his funeral as it was his wish.
I am sorry, but this is all hard on everyone and I hope nothing but peace, love happiness, and most importantly strength to you and your family. This is a very rough time for a lot of people.
God bless”
She thinks she will also be attending my Mom’s celebration of life in April which is when we place my Dad’s ashes with her.
She passed away in 2004. They never knew each other. This woman is younger than I am… I’m 34. My Dad was 57.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he meant so much to her, she could have a separate memorial for her friends and family. The memorial is for the living, not for the dead.
It sounds like you’re having a small, intimate memorial, and her being there would add nothing to it for you *or* for her. Nothing is stopping her from inviting her friends and family to her event to remember him.” BeJane759
Another User Comments:
“If the memorial is private, as in paid for by your family, you can simply respond with “This memorial is for the living, not the dead.
Security will be employed and will know not to allow you to enter. You are welcome to remember my father in any way you choose, but not at a private event to which you are not invited.” In this instance NTJ. If the memorial is public, as in not paid for by you, you can do nothing.
In which case you just have to deal with it. In which case YTJ.” chrestomancy
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry, but everything you’ve said about this woman paints her as some pathological liar at the very best, and outright psychotic at worst. Her entire paragraph was manipulative pablum the likes of which you wouldn’t be amiss finding in some crappy psychological handbook for crystal moms. The fact that she was manipulative and toxic towards him while claiming he was effectively stalking her suggests that there is nothing to be gained by including her in the celebration of life.
NTJ, because such celebrations are for the living and the living think this woman is cringe.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Bidding On A House That My Friend Also Wanted, Despite His Last Minute Reveal?
“I have been friends with a guy called Ben for ~6 years. We met at work. He was more senior than me and became my mentor. We bonded over having similar career and fitness goals. Even after leaving the job, we both remained friends. We’d catch up over workouts every month or so and discuss all things personal life, work, sports, etc.
Both me and my partner, and Ben and his wife, have been house hunting in the same competitive part of Sydney. Ben and his wife were broadly looking at houses at about 100k less than my partner and me.
In the first week of 101 Throwaway St’s campaign, I expressed to Ben how much I liked it and suggested my partner and I would put in an offer.
A week later, I shared with Ben that my partner and I had put in an offer, and it was rejected.
One week out from the Throwaway’s auction, I saw Ben’s wife at another auction. I introduced the house and expressed our sole focus on it.
She mentioned that they liked it too and we should talk about it. Later that week, Ben and I met up for a gym session. I detailed the perks of the house, how it looked better in photos, and importantly our auction strategy – that my partner would bid because she was unknown to the agent.
He never mentioned any interest in the same house.
15 minutes before the auction, Ben calls to share that they’re bidding on Throwaway St and at a price higher than we were willing to pay. He said that it was the first time he had seen it, and it was an on-the-fly decision.
My partner and I were immediately devastated. On the call, Ben suggested that we either pull out or bid against each other. Without discussing it with my partner, I suggested we wouldn’t bid. I then went down to the auction and confronted Ben about this, expressing that 10 10-minute warning was not sufficient.
He brushed it off, saying there was a lot of interest in the house, and they might not even get it.
In the end, my partner decided to bid up to our limit. She wasn’t sure if they were fooling us. The only other bidders?
Ben and his wife. We basically ended up pushing up the price by ~100k for them. Ben and his wife won and apologized after we said congratulations.
Later that night I received a text from Ben saying that he was sorry for being the person that caused us to lose the property, that he had experienced it and it sucked. There was no acknowledgment of the added element of our friendship… and that it was snaky behavior.
My overwhelming emotions are sadness/betrayal – as I feel like I have lost a friend/mentor – and secondly awkwardness for bidding regardless of the higher price they suggested and ultimately proved they would pay.
AITJ for still bidding on the house even after my friend revealed his intentions to bid to a higher price last minute?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… it’s only fair game to bid given the current market. People always pursue their own interests, hence why they didn’t hesitate to bid. Yes granted there should have been other buyers but well keep your stuff private around people also shopping for the same thing.
Count it as you have them a run for their money by getting it up by 100k. In terms of apologies, don’t forget to expect anything again, they will always have something against you cause you made them overpay. The friendship is lost, don’t entertain these people.
They will say you are a sore loser but again they showed you can’t trust them and over time they will show their grudge against u if u keep contact.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You were never close friends with Ben, and apparently you thought more of the friendship than he did.
He snaked that house from you knowing that you were after it. The thing is, he probably showed it to his wife, and she said let’s get it. His obligation was to her, not you, the gym buddy. You lost the bid, it sucks, but you made him literally pay extra for it.
Don’t feel guilty. He knew what he was doing. He got what he wanted. If he is willing to pay extra for the house, that’s ultimately on him and his finances. You will find another house. Just don’t tell people what you are bidding on, and don’t invite Ben to the new place.” frostedtim
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I buy and sell real estate. And it’s never personal until you take it personally. Oftentimes people fall in love with the same home. My rule is to never disclose to people the homes that I’m interested in. If they ask or mention the same home, I just play it cool.
It’s not snakey, it’s just no one else’s business. Also, I find a lot of people talk trash or talk it up and it ends up screwing over a friendship. Happened to two friends I have. They both mentioned how they both like a property (same property) and they were both saying they were submitting an offer.
Friend A wins against Friend B. A was stupid enough to share the price. B said it was way more than they offered and that A overpaid for the “junker”. A freaked out and backed out of the deal since there were contingencies. It was back on the market after a week or so since that happened. A and B both bid again and A still won with a lower offer than last time.
A stupidly told B again the price she paid this round. B said it was still way higher than they bid and even with the lower price, B still told A it was a rip-off and they were stupid to offer the price they did.
A freaked out again and felt that B was messing with her so the friendship ended and I don’t know what A did with the house and what exactly went down after. Keep it to yourself. It’s ok to be outbid or to outbid someone, even friends.
My realtor once told me that they sold a house and the two bids were a father and son competing against each other!” archetyping101
9. AITJ For Telling My Wife She Needs To Stick To Her Discretionary Budget?
“My wife (37F) and I (40M) live in a very high cost of living city. We are both fortunate to be successful professionals with high earning power. We have a 4-year-old who is in pre-K 5 days a week from 9 to 5:30, and sleeps well (730-7:00). We have cleaners that come 2x/a week and we split the remaining household duties 50/50 (we have a written schedule that encapsulates cooking, dishes, dog duties, laundry, etc).
My wife is the “default parent” for our son and childcare for her is often more stressful than it is for me because our son demands her attention a lot, whereas if I am watching him he is often content to play on his own.
About a year ago we decided that my wife would stop working. Since the birth of our son, she had been having a difficult time balancing her extremely demanding job with family life with a kid (For context, we had a full-time nanny, and our son has always slept well, but it’s hard to fit family life in-between a 70-80hr/wk job).
To be honest, this has been amazing for our relationship and my wife’s mental and physical health. We previously were on the fast track to divorce given the stress her job was placing on our relationship.
While my job is much less demanding (40 hours/wk on average), I am fortunate to make enough to support us comfortably as long as we maintain a (quite high IMO) budget.
This has been the case for a few years. Last year, while my wife was working, her post-tax income ($9k/month) was entirely discretionary. I have been responsible for paying for housing, pre-k, childcare, restaurants, groceries, insurance, etc. As a part of my wife’s move to not working she agreed to cut her discretionary budget to $6k/month.
She’s been over budget by about $1k/month on average since then and I haven’t said anything about it yet.
Things came to a head this week when my wife mentioned, in passing, buying an expensive gift for her best friend’s birthday.
She doesn’t have the money for this purchase in her existing budget as she’s already spent ahead of her budget for the rest of the year. I had a talk with her where I told her that I’m happy to fund it, but in the future if she wants to buy expensive things that are out of the budget she needs to save for them.
I do the same thing myself with a discretionary budget that is 60% of her discretionary budget.
This caused my wife my wife to get mad at me, she told me she understood and didn’t argue, but when I asked her how she was feeling she said she had “nothing productive to say”.
She also told me she wants to audit how much I’m spending on gifts so we can make sure we’re spending the same, which I think is ridiculous. My gifting is part of my discretionary budget, which is 40% less than hers and which I stick to quite consistently.
For the last two days, my wife has been sulking and won’t talk to me about it.
I feel like I’m being far more than reasonable, but maybe not?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m so lost. I need more info: You pay for cleaning twice a week, pre-k and child care, and… she’s a stay-at-home parent?
What is she doing all day? If your child is at pre-k 5 days a week from 9-5:30 I think an easier solution is for your wife to find a job that is only 40 hours a week or work part-time. Unsure what field you are in but maybe she’s really unhappy being a stay-at-home parent with not much to do.
Especially if she was used to working 70 hours a week. Maybe she wants to be busier.” Regular-Confection56
Another User Comments:
“The biggest issue is here that she has no clue of what the income/expenses are. If you manage to give insight into this, she may well realize that her overspending is not something you all can afford.
If it doesn’t work and continues, you may need to set a weekly budget for her, which she can’t overspend. (Bank-blockade) you have the responsibility to keep your family financially healthy.” Mediocre-Step-420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your wife needs to find something to do that is fulfilling her as it sounds like spending is her main hobby.
If she had a demanding job and quit to be a SAHM, yet she doesn’t have to care for your son five days a week or run the home (it sounds like you split chores and you get a cleaning service), what can she do with her time that makes her happy?
It doesn’t sound like she is happy TBH. You both need to figure out why. Talking about buying expensive bday gifts doesn’t seem like the real issue. Transparency around money and budgets is important in a marriage yet there seems to be deeper conversations that need to happen.” HedyHarlowe
8. AITJ For Not Caring About My Friend's Disapproval Of My Past Substance Use?
“I (23 female) and my friend Omar(20 male) talked about certain substances recently, I said which substances I’ve tried and he thought I had never taken any because I previously said I don’t take them because my family has a problem with drinking excessively.
I probably wasn’t clear enough that I had tried certain substances which is my bad. I also said I didn’t take any super harmful substances and only low doses, and earlier in our friendship I explained how I think substances aren’t inherently bad.
He said he was disappointed in me after the more recent talk, I said okay and we moved on.
Today we talked again while having a good time and he mentioned he’s disappointed in me for ever taking certain substances. (note: it was many years ago. I’ve tried various substances)
I answered something in the style of “okay :)”
And he replied jokingly I assume, or at least gleefully “You couldn’t care less” and I answered “Yes” very gleefully back.
He said “Wait really” and I answered “Yes :D” again, he then said, “Are you serious?” And I said “Yes! :D”
Afterwards, he said “I think that’s disrespectful” I asked why and he said that I say that I don’t care about the opinion of a loved one(I do love him dearly and I get how it could be hurtful).
I was taken aback and confused over the previously gleeful situation.
He also said that the way I said it was very disrespectful, that he doesn’t even know why he’s still on call with me and he should be super mad.
I said I didn’t get how it came across as disrespectful and he replied that it is SUPER disrespectful objectively.
I explained that I maybe worded it wrong, (even though I didn’t word anything) and I explained that I saw what he meant and that I heard him, but that I didn’t know why I should worry and get anxious about that they disapprove of things I did years ago.
He asked me why the only two conclusions to his statement “I’m still disappointed that you ever took certain substances” is me worrying and being anxious or being disrespectful.(I guess I was too black and white, but I don’t know how I should’ve responded) Omar also said that he at first thought I was joking that I didn’t care until I made clear I was serious with my “Yes :D” which for me still was in a light mood.
I don’t remember much of the time after but I went quiet but ended up breaking the silence with
“Well I won’t do it again”(as in taking certain substances)
And he said “That’s an answer at least”
I went quiet again and he said he had things to do anyway and left without letting me say goodbye.
I understand since he feels hurt I was so disrespectful.
Via text, I apologized and said that I could’ve acknowledged his concern but he hadn’t answered for hours.
I feel crazy and confused by his reactions a lot. Previously I wasn’t the jerk but might be now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your friend is being weird. This conversation sounds very similar to the new partner being angry about the new partner’s past. He is trying to shame you for something you did (speculating: before you met him?) His actions/wording are very controlling.
You didn’t do anything wrong and yet he wants you to apologize for behavior he wasn’t aware of! He wants you to feel like damaged goods. Does he often try to make you feel bad about yourself?” hypotheticalkazoos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Omar can F off with that “disrespect” BS.
His original line of questioning AND his opinion was not wanted or needed. He disrespected YOU by questioning your past in this manner. Whether he is a “loved one” or not, you do not owe him an explanation or an apology for something that does not affect him.
If I had to guess, I think that Omar wants to be more than a friend. And if you don’t care about his opinions then that means you don’t think of him that way. If he wants you to change yourself to meet his expectations, that is toxic.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it’s not about the way you responded. For some reason, your friend is really set on making you feel bad for experimenting with certain substances. He doesn’t have to wanna do them himself, but he doesn’t get to be a jerk to you (or anyone else who wants to use substances responsibly).” Piilootus
7. AITJ For Changing My Husband's PC Password Because He Didn't Clean Our Room As Promised?
“My husband and I made a deal. We’re both gamers and we both have our own PCs. The deal was that if he cleaned our room, a mess of mostly his making, of everything off the floor, including vacuuming, he could get more RAM for his PC.
We went to Microcenter on a Saturday to get the RAM because that was the best day to do it, but he hadn’t even started on the room at this point. The RAM is currently in his PC and it’s been well over a week, the only part that has been cleaned is under his desk and he’s not even finished with that.
I asked a mutual male friend, one who is also a gamer, what I could do as a sort of incentive to get his butt into gear and he suggested changing his password. That suggestion was given on Monday. It’s now Thursday and I’m just so tired of the floor not even being vacuum-ready that I went through with changing the password.
Now, the time wouldn’t matter as much if he had a full-time job or was even using his time wisely. He works 5 days a week and his longest shift is only 6.5 hours and that’s only on one of the days. I understand wanting downtime outside of work.
We have a 2-year-old and he’s a lot of work too but I’m the one who does most of his caretaking, my husband changes diapers every so often, and he usually feeds him one of his meals a day but he doesn’t watch him that often by himself, at most it’s 2 hours a day while I’m out at my job.
He spends most of his free time on his PC gaming and watching YouTube videos. And that hasn’t changed to accommodate a cleaning schedule being added to it. When he is cleaning he’s going slow while watching videos. And he’s definitely filling most of his free time with gaming with his friends.
Now, if you’re thinking maybe that there’s a lot of space for him to clean, you would be wrong, there is maybe a total of 20 feet so there’s not much to actually clean, a lot of it really is trash with lots of clothes and then whatever else he has scattered around.
I honestly feel like just throwing absolutely everything out if my husband can’t motivate himself to clean today. As of right now, he’s so mad at me for changing his password and he says he doesn’t even feel like working on the room because of it.
So to summarize a little, he’s had 4 days off, each of which he’s spent the majority of his time gaming. His days before work watching videos. And the only part of the room he’s gotten any work done was under his desk and that’s not even finished. He doesn’t do any housework except for cooking one meal a week and he usually orders pizza instead and mows the lawn once a week to 2 weeks.
I do everything else. I don’t want criticism on my husband, myself, or our relationship, I just wanna know if I’m in the wrong for changing his password.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He lied to you – he would clean up if he got the memory for his computer.
He got what he wanted and then reneged on his end of the deal. Basically, you don’t have a husband and a baby: you have a teenager and a baby. Hindsight being 20/20, you should have bought the memory and then not installed it until he kept his word.
Remember this going forward – you can’t trust your teenager.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. As others have said, you are parenting your husband. Your actions are exactly like the mother of a child who won’t listen, so they lose privileges.
Except your husband is not a child, he is a grown man. You need to communicate more maturely. He is a jerk for not cleaning when he agreed to. Unequal division of labor is a common complaint in divorce, he needs to get it together.
This man is not behaving like a partner to you. I don’t understand why you made the deal for him to get a reward for cleaning, but then gave the reward before cleaning. It’s like the scam where you want to buy something online, they ask for a deposit, and then poof, you never see the deposit money or the item again.
Task first, reward second.” vegetable-trainer23
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – he needs to do his part cleaning but you’re also treating him like a child and that’s not helping anything. It’s his PC, if he wanted more RAM that should be a separate issue from the cleaning.
Combining them is just you exerting parent-like control and that’s not healthy. You guys both need to get your stuff together. Bribing him and locking his property isn’t mature behavior” Strange_Salamander33
6. AITJ For Cutting Off My MIL After She Shared Our Pregnancy News Against Our Wishes?
“She’s a classic narcissist and “helps” by doing things she wants or she thinks would be helpful despite what we say.
I found out I was pregnant with “Bob Ross” (not a mistake just a happy little accident) in June but we waited to tell anyone other than my mom and 2 best friends until September. Both of my sister-in-laws announced their planned pregnancies as soon as they were confirmed (we’re all a few months apart.) Over the last couple of years, my best friend has had 2 miscarriages at 12 weeks, my hs friend had a stillbirth, and I’ve talked to my aunt about her double-digit miscarriages, several in later pregnancy.
Because of all of these reasons, we’ve opted to keep all mention of my pregnancy off any form of social media and also only tell our closest friends and family. I’m not actively hiding, but I don’t want to talk about how Bob Ross wasn’t planned, being pregnant in general, or having to talk about it if something bad does happen.
My MIL knows all of this, and we talked about it just a few weeks ago when she brought up not being allowed to talk about Bob Ross on social media. She was not happy that we were “hiding” (her words) the pregnancy.
Fast forward to yesterday, and she posts about my SIL being in labor.
I texted my husband about it and said this is exactly what I’m worried about if we tell her I’m in labor. My husband was working so asked what exactly she said, either asking for prayers vs telling people what was going on, so I looked and then read the comments.
In the comments she said all 3 of my children are having babies in the next few months x had her son tonight, y and his wife are due in December, and z and his wife (us) are due in February. I texted her and asked her to edit the comment and remove our names because we were not telling people about our pregnancy.
She didn’t text back but did delete that specific comment.
Now the AITJ part. When my husband got home I was incredibly upset. I told him how betrayed I felt and that she had no respect for me or my boundaries as both a person and a parent.
I told him I didn’t even want to see or speak to her, but would agree to see her on the holidays, but that’s it. I don’t want any information about my pregnancy to be relayed to her at all. I also don’t want our son to be around her without full supervision at all times (she already isn’t allowed to take him places alone).
My husband thinks I’m overreacting and he wants to talk to her and re-establish our boundaries and remind her about the no social media rules, but I think she already burned those bridges and shouldn’t have access to private information.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You are the parent and MIL is not so she doesn’t get to do what she wants. However, it seems the other challenge here is getting on the same page as your husband. He should be the one communicating these things with his mother and reinforcing those boundaries, with consequences if necessary.
Making sure you two see things the same way is challenging because she is his mother, but also necessary to move forward.” Aide-Subject
Another User Comments:
“I can’t make a judgment on the supervision aspect of the relationship with your child, but your question is about her relationship with you during the pregnancy.
Since you have already set boundaries that she has failed to respect, I don’t see any reason why reestablishing them will make a difference this time. I think it is reasonable to modify your behavior to yield the results that you want. If that means limiting the information that she receives so that you are comfortable for the remainder of this pregnancy, that is what you should do to be happy.
She is not owed information, and she does not trust to be in the circle of people who receive updates. She will be upset, but this is about you, your husband, and the baby. It is your husband’s job to support you, and he needs to be united with you in this.
NTJ” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but a proper boundary does include consequences. This means saying “We ask that you do not post about our pregnancy on social media. If you are not able to resist doing this we will stop giving you any information about the pregnancy” or something along those lines.
If you’re willing to reestablish boundaries with consequences, that’s fair. If you’re not and know she’d violate regardless, that’s fair too. You need to do what you need to do for you and your family right now.” Dense-Passion-2729
5. AITJ For Not Liking My Fiances Family?
“My fiancé (28M) & I (25) come from big families. Met his family, and his mum & everyone liked me, except two aunts.
I never met them, but I overheard one of them on a call with him. She asked, “Why are you going to Thanksgiving with her parents, it’s not like you’re going to marry her.” She started spreading rumors about me, and they became more elaborate.
From “she didn’t graduate college” but I have two degrees, to “she didn’t go to a good school” when the irony is, the aunt herself did not go to college, she has a certificate for cyber security. There’s nothing wrong with either, but I didn’t understand the elitist comments coming from her.
I try to hold off on ever bragging about my or my family’s achievements, because, on paper, it outranks both aunts.
I grew very close with his mother. I opened up to her about some of my health issues (I have a Sickle Cell Trait) one holiday I was sick & she was worried. I also have endometriosis & severe headaches, we bonded over this as well.
My relationship with his mother was wonderful, we talked daily. She said I was like a second daughter to her. 3 years later, he proposed, it was a wonderful proposal by the way!
3 months later, I heard a 35-minute recorded call between him, his mum & aunts.
His mother screamed to call off our wedding, how she always hated me. She said the most vile things. From weaponizing my health issues, bringing up Sickle Cell, calling me a gold-digger, and idiot, attacking my mental health & insinuating he was only with me for my looks & body.
What hurt the most was her weaponizing my endometriosis & the fertility issues that come with it. She insinuated that her son & I would have kids with full-blown Sickle Cell. She went on to say “…I don’t want sickly grandchildren, call this wedding off & find a new one” I sent her a text message asking what did I to make her say those things.
She called me at 5 am to curse & belittle me. I had the phone on speaker, and her son heard it. There’s A LOT said on both of the calls. I was more so hurt hearing everything she said. I spoke to her 2 days prior, talking about wedding details.
I felt completely blindsided. My fiancé, in his way, stood up for & defended me. Tried to de-escalate the conversation, but they kept going. Gave him an ultimatum choose “your real family or the girl you met off the street”
Called my parents, and they were furious.
My mum called his mum. His mum texted me an apology but followed up with a text that was NOT meant for me to see. I avoid his mum, she tried to apologize again, refuses to take accountability & keeps blaming “the devil.”
I genuinely can’t see myself forgiving them, but I can be cordial.
I told him I didn’t want the aunts at the wedding, they said they wouldn’t come anyway. He wants them there to avoid any future conflicts. His mum being there, okay, don’t want to rob him of that, but not those two”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How is your fiancé so absent from all of this?! If his approach is to “invite people to avoid conflict” when his family has people spreading lies and starting drama, you don’t have a good ally in him. Have you asked for more support from him?
Since his mother switched so drastically from one day to the next, I can’t imagine you’ll be able to trust her again. You’ll likely always be thinking “Is this real?” when she’s being kind. I’m sorry you’re going through this.” LowAdvisor9274
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You could allow them to the wedding then have a little speech prepared to thank all the guests for coming and that this day has been one of the best days of your life next to. . . . List all the degrees, award certificates, trophies, etc that you have received, include GPA of it is good.
Make it clear that you are educationally superior and that you are so appreciative for having such a good education that will help you be a good wife and mother to the children you might someday have. Look all those jerks right in the eye and smile.” ConfusedAt63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, you and your fiance need to discuss the long-term consequences of his mother’s and aunt’s behavior. What boundaries, rules, and expectations do you want to set for their presence in your lives and at the wedding? Why is it so important to him for them to come when they’ve constantly disrespected you and your relationship?
Are you two planning to have children? If so, discuss boundaries and expectations Now regarding their contact with your future child(ren), before the wedding. Your fiance’s reactions during this discussion will hold the truth if your relationship can handle the weight of this issue with his family, especially his mother.
He seems to have your back now but needs to discuss the long-term bigger picture. He may not have thought about it yet. Maybe you haven’t either but it definitely can make or break your relationship.” Trippedwire48
4. AITJ For Asking My Family To Lend Money To My Partner Against Their Wishes?
“I (24m) had a partner (24m) named Jake. The thing is, I grew up in a homophobic household so I was very scared to tell my parents that I was gay and I had a partner.
Nonetheless, I came out to them and introduced Jake as my partner. Their reaction was negative (as I expected) but my dad seemed to accept it. Maybe it’s because I’m his son and no matter how homophobic he is he would support me, I don’t know.
My mom started to treat me differently. Nothing big changed just that she distanced herself from me, and this is weird because she is usually in my face most of the time asking about my everything.
So after a few months, my partner’s financial struggle was increasing.
Since my family was financially stable I offered him some help and funds but he declined saying he doesn’t want to be a bother. I ended up asking my family about lending Jake some money anyway, both of them seemed hesitant to accept but my dad agreed. My mom didn’t though.
She said she didn’t want to waste money on him and that it was no use. I became angry but kept my cool. I told her that he was my partner and I wanted to help him because he was struggling with money. My mom became more annoyed by this and told me it was not her problem that Jake was poor and to tell him to get a job.
Mind you Jake is working two part-time jobs for his college fee.
I got enraged by this and yelled at my mom for being so cruel and that she wouldn’t be saying that if I was seeing a girl and if that girl needed money.
She snapped and told me that if I wasn’t such a “sinner” she would’ve considered helping. My dad tried to stop both of us but I was furious that 1. she called me a sinner. 2. she was insulting my partner. I told her to stop being a gold digger and only living off of my father’s income.
She got more mad by hearing but I didn’t wait to hear what nonsense she was spewing and just left to my room. I ended up calling my aunt and asking for some money with promises to give it back to her soon. She agreed and lent me some.
Somehow my mom ended up finding out about this and she called me in a rage and asked why on earth I asked money from my aunt for a “beggar” and that I was being a beggar too by asking her. I ended up yelling at her and told her to not call my partner a beggar and that he needed money for a good reason.
I also told her that if she wants to keep talking about me and my partner this way she can gladly get lost and never step into my life again. I haven’t talked to her for a few months after that and she kept calling me and texting me non-stop but I never answered/replied.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your partner did not want you to ask for money on his behalf. Asking family to loan money to someone you’ve only known for a few months is frankly pretty weird, and understandable that they’d refuse.
Your mother is a jerk for being against gay people.” Aedric151
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re dealing with a homophobic person and sadly for you, this person is your mother. If there’s one thing I know about Christianity, is that EVERYONE is a sinner, so attacking you that way is blatant homophobia.
I’m sorry about that, but I hope that this didn’t make you cut off contact with your father while you were ghosting your mother. He seems to try hard to find a way to make it work with you despite probably not having an easy time with the recent events.
I don’t think you necessarily handled things elegantly (“I told her to stop being a gold digger and only living off of my father’s income”), but then again, she set the stage for that long before you went there. It’s up to you to decide whether you want to repair that relationship (now or someday), and what steps you want to take towards that goal once you’ve set it.
You don’t sound like you’ve cooled off at the moment, at least. Don’t let it eat you from the inside so that whatever decision you make in the future isn’t guided by hurt and anger.” ladyteruki
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your mom is not obligated to help out your partner.
She’s an adult and gets to decide how her money is spent so for you to just expect her to hand it over is ridiculous. It seems like you thought she had to give it to you just so she’d appear less homophobic which you know to be not true.
Like what on earth is wrong with you!!! Plus your partner didn’t even want the money. I can’t imagine he’d be too happy with you when he finds out you were begging your family for money that he said no to. Way to respect his opinion and his needs!
Smdh” ConsciousChain8018
3. AITJ For Defending My Mom Against My Half-Sister's Accusations?
“My half-sister via my dad reached out to me after she left foster care 18 months ago.
Dad and her mom lost custody of her when she was a baby and she went into the system. I was 7 at the time and my parents had divorced after dad got her mom pregnant with her. Neither shaped up enough to take her back and none of her bio relatives wanted her, at least the ones that were approached. Dad was estranged from his family so no idea if they heard from anyone related to CPS back then.
My mom was approached and told the social worker she would not take my half-sister. She told me about my half-sister and her being in foster care and let me know that one day my half-sister might contact me.
The day came and I was like you know what, if she has questions I will try to answer them and we’ll see what happens.
She was very enthusiastic to have me in her life and came on very strong. I set some boundaries and she pushed on them a lot until I let her know that she was at risk of losing contact with me again.
She backed off and we started getting to know each other like the strangers we were.
A few times she asked about my life my childhood and my mom. One thing she focused a lot on was whether my mom had other kids. When I was 13 mom took in my cousins, her niece and nephew, after their parents died. My sister was always so weird about that and recently brought it back up again and wanted to know what I thought about that and whether Mom needed time to consider it.
I told her that wasn’t something we needed to talk about. She went off saying of course it was. She called my mom a mean woman and said she let her go into the foster system to rot and separated us when a few years later she could take on two kids just because they were related to her.
She started saying my mom owed her better than that seeing as she’s my sister.
I lost my temper with my half-sister and told her my mom owed her nothing. I said she was not my mom’s kid and my mom would not have been the right person to raise her since she was born from dad’s affair and she should be looking at her bio relatives to be mad at if she wants to blame people for letting her go into foster care.
My half-sister said she had every right to feel like my mom failed her and should have stepped up. She said she was a baby and she went through a terrible time her entire childhood in the system. She told me I was a jerk for yelling at her and an even bigger one for defending my mom.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It always breaks my heart when someone comes through a crappy experience like this with such a confused and angry view of who owes them what. I mean, I can kind of understand your sister’s mindset because she can blame her parents all she wants till she’s blue in the face but they didn’t step up and probably never will.
Your mom did for you. She’s envious, but kind of in the way a poor person decides they have a right to a rich person’s stuff because “come on, you have so much! Just give me some.” It’s bitter, misplaced anger.” magicsusan42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m surprised your Mum was ever asked to take your half-sister. She wasn’t a bio relative and symbolized what would have been a very painful time for your Mum. If your half-sister wants to blame someone for not taking her in she should be looking at her parents and her bio relatives.” tabbycatt5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to ask yourself if you’re willing to put up with this behavior for the rest of your life. Do you feel like having to constantly defend your mom, who was a single mom asked to take in an infant, or fighting to keep reasonable boundaries?” Flat_Contribution707
2. AITJ For Arguing With My Teacher Over Her Controversial Political Rant?
“I’m a senior in high school (17F). One of the classes I’m taking is incredibly easy and has a teacher (50? F) who is well-known for going on political tangents. I usually don’t have a problem with them and find them entertaining. However, I have a very expressive face, and during these rants, I tend to look very shocked.
Today she went on a very long rant after one student mentioned a walkout that’s happening tomorrow for a particular political issue. I won’t say what the issue is because I have debated enough today about it, but it’s a humanitarian problem, so people get passionate about it.
She was making incredibly bold claims about the topic, stuff that a majority of the class disagreed with. It should be noted the class is almost entirely POC (the group affected by the issue) who share my stance on the topic and post about it online.
For these reasons, my jaw dropped, along with the rest of the class. Once she was done with her rant, everyone was silent, something that is very rare for our class.
Later when she was handing out worksheets, she stated something along the lines of, “You had a very shocked face, I’m sure you must have some strong opinions about this.” That would’ve been fine as one comment, but when I responded by saying that I was shocked because of how inappropriate it was, she started arguing with me.
She was asking me questions, almost debating me like it was a jubilee video. I never apologized and simply kept repeating that I thought it was irrelevant and disrespectful to all the people in the class who were personally affected by the issue. This argument went on for a while and everyone was becoming uncomfortable.
I was getting especially stressed and felt my heart beating fast as I was usually too scared to talk back to teachers. However, I didn’t want to give up because it was making me upset that she could argue for the oppression of the same ethnicity of people in our class.
Other people began joining in at one point due to how tense it was, pretty much everyone was defending me.
After a while, she tried to go back to the lesson and told us to work on the handout while she went into the hallway and talked to one of the guys who agreed with me.
People then began thanking me for speaking out and giving their thoughts on the situation. Some of the other guys started joking that I was next to talk with her, she never did bring me out though. We looked and saw she was crying, this made me feel bad for not just staying quiet.
Am I in the wrong for not immediately backing down? I think it was important to speak out for those around me, but I also feel like I should’ve stayed quiet or not looked as shocked to avoid causing conflict. I’m getting incredibly stressed about future classes and don’t know what to do.
I’m afraid she’ll hold this against me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If a teacher wants a dialogue on current events, they have to be open to both sides if they’re presented respectfully. You did exactly that. Especially well done because you were standing up for people present who felt personally affected by the issue being discussed. Otherwise, if a teacher does not want to discuss both sides of “issues” they need to stick to topics that are not opinions.
Like facts. What I think was the most important lesson taught that day was that it’s important to stand up for people when you see a situation that doesn’t seem right. And you showed how it can be done respectfully. Edit: clarity” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The accumulation of our history’s deepest and darkest is being debated, which is just what schools were designed for. Listening, learning, teaching, and debating. You listened, she taught then she asked for a debate on the topic. You debated that topic and she didn’t agree.
That’s what a debate is, you’ll never be able to agree, only educate and discuss things; Things from both viewpoints. Everyone has different views but that doesn’t mean we judge, crucify, and bully them into submission. We’d be just as bad as our history. You stood up for what was right.
Never apologize for that because its a trait missing for this world. Defending those who can’t defend themselves.” Confident-Try20
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Learn to debate with confidence. She gave you an opportunity. Everyone will have a version of oppression until they have experienced despotism, dictatorship, brutality, and more, which, most teenagers in Western countries, have not truly suffered from.
Perhaps your teacher has personal experience. Talk with her again, privately. Yes, here comes the onslaught of attacks. But it’s true.” LogicalTexts
1. AITJ For Not Intervening In My SIL's Revenge Tactics Against My Overbearing Mother?
“My (18F) mother is a classic nightmare MIL to my SIL Stephanie (23F). Steph married my eldest brother Nathan (30M) in May.
It was an arranged marriage orchestrated by my dad and Steph’s dad. My mum thinks Steph is vain (she’s just gorgeous), lazy (she’s a stay-at-home wife), too westernized (she’s American), etc. I’m very close to my SIL as she’s kinda like an older sister to me because my older sister is 32.
I don’t get along with my mum either because I’m bisexual and she thinks I’m too ‘wild’ which in her books means I leave the house for things other than school. Stephanie lets me stay at her & Nate’s house whenever my mum gets too much which is great because before Steph, Nate was too scared to get on our mum’s bad side l**o.
During wedding planning, my mum tried to steamroll over Steph using very underhanded techniques but what she didn’t anticipate was Steph throwing her techniques back in her face. Initially, she didn’t do anything about my mum’s actions and resigned herself to having no control over her wedding, but her stepmother told her to get her act together.
She faked a health scare due to the stress of dealing with my mother (she has heart issues) and used that to get my mum uninvited from every single pre-wedding event. Nate has bad anxiety from our mum’s mistreatment so I’m assuming that Stephanie doesn’t want to stress him out with dealing with her, and she has more fun dealing with her herself.
Now, every nasty thing my mum does to Steph is met with something equally mean. My mum criticizes Stephanie’s cooking, and Steph will pretend that my mum’s food made her vomit. My mum criticizes Stephanie’s weight (she’s recovering from an ED), Stephanie will invite my mum to the gym with her (my mum is plus sized), my mum will criticize Stephanie for staying at home without kids and spending ‘all of her son’s money’, Stephanie will call my mum out on being abusive.
It’s exhilarating to watch my mum finally be put in her place after years of being unchecked.
Stephanie’s new tactic is decorating her house with fresh flowers (My mum has hay fever) and then insisting that she didn’t remember. She started doing this because my mum criticized her for using fake flowers to decorate.
Yesterday, my family was at Nate’s house for the weekly family dinner and my mum was complaining about the flowers. When I was alone with my dad in the kitchen, he commented how Stephanie’s memory must have been bad because she kept ‘forgetting’ about the hayfever thing.
My other brother Kyle said it was obvious that she was doing it on purpose and he thought it was hilarious, and my dad was shocked. I agreed with my brother and my dad said that it was wrong that we didn’t think to stop Steph from irritating our mother but I think that the situation is between her and my mother and we shouldn’t get involved. He’s insisting that I’m wrong and that I should tell Stephanie to stop before he ‘goes to my mum’ about it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Next time you see Steph and Nate, tell Steph about how glad you are that she’s part of the family and tell Nate how happy you are that he found someone so amazing. Having been in a similar situation before, you guys are so lucky that Steph came into your lives!” EffectAny808
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Just admit you dislike your mother. You are gloating that your mother is getting upset. You are slightly sadistic. And nasty!” Dixie-Says
