People Stir Up Trouble In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Refusing To Return The PS5 My Ex Gave Me As A Gift?
“I’m a 26-year-old woman and broke up with my partner (27M) the other day, we’d been together for two years. It was my birthday four months ago and for it, he gave me a PS5.
I never asked for it or hinted I wanted something big like that in case anyone here is curious I do however love playing video games so it was a thoughtful gift.
Despite this however our relationship has been kind of rocky and we fight constantly about lots of different things, I cannot imagine a future with him or settling down and I want to have a marriage, kids the whole thing and I can’t do that in a relationship that feels more like a battlefield.
So after trying to make it work a few times I finally called it quits and broke up with him.
He was upset with me and some rather harsh things were said on both sides, it wasn’t a pretty breakup I’ll admit. We bring out the worst in each other and it’s not all down to him, I’m grown enough to admit that I hold half the responsibility for this.
He has however been texting me demanding the PS5 back, saying if he knew we’d break up a few months later he’d never have gotten me such an expensive gift.
I’m a little annoyed at this as for his birthday I took us away for a weekend trip to Spain so he’s not the only one who dropped money on the relationship, it’s not like I broke up with him a few days/weeks after the gift so I don’t feel I’m obligated to return it and told him as much and it has led to arguments.
I am here to see what you all think and if I’m the jerk for refusing to return it, I could be combative over this as it’s him and we’re toxic af around each other so I wanted to get a fresh look and see if I’m being a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – A gift is a gift under whatever circumstance it was given, that’s just an annoying thing to do to take back a gift, and OP I bet that Spain trip cost a whole lot more than the PS5 in today’s rates … ask him to pay you back for that if he wants the PS5 back.
You both have different views on how you want to spend your future and that’s completely acceptable and you are not obligated to be with him – and it’s great you admitted to being partially responsible for the breakup as well. NTJ NTJ NTJ !!!!!!” Flashy-Ad6881
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Grow up and meet him halfway. If he wants to make it about “such an expensive gift”, tell him he can have the PS5 for 1/3 the total cost of the Spain trip. Surely you wouldn’t have taken such a trip if you knew you’d be breaking up less than a year later.
If he agrees, you get the refund and buy a New PS5 for yourself. If the cost would be more than the calculated trip refund – then he can buy himself a New PS5, and you keep the one you already have.” Urdrago
Another User Comments:
“This might be my paranoia talking, but considering some of the things you said like about how you bring out the worst in each other, it may be a good idea to write down the serial number of the PS5/ take photos of the identifying tag with the serial number/something to prove ownership.
It’s unlikely he would try to steal it back. But it’s better to be prepared. Also NTJ.” SunshineOnStimulants
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move Across The Country To Live Near My Military Husband?
“My (25F) husband (32M) is currently training to enter the military. He’s about halfway through his total training. He is living on base on the East Coast and I’m living at our home in the Midwest.
I have several physical and mental illnesses. Because of this, my husband wants me to move across the country to rent somewhere near the base. I agree that I would have an easier time mentally if he were closer.
However, we have it really good where we are.
We live in a 5 bed, 2 bath bungalow with a large yard, and we only pay $900/month in rent. This is because my mom owns the property. Anywhere else is way more expensive; I’ve seen 2-bed, 1-bath apartments going for $1,200+.
We also have 4 fur babies.
2 cats and 2 large dogs. I suspect we will have a very hard time trying to find a place to rent that would allow all of our pets.
That being said, and without going into too much detail, my husband and I have some issues in our marriage that need to be worked through and that can’t happen properly until we’re physically together again.
Plus, he’s right when he says I’m probably too sick to be living alone.
So that’s it. AITJ for not wanting to move across the country to live near my husband?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Long time military brat and spouse here.
As he is in training at present and doesn’t have a permanent duty station, it doesn’t make sense to move. I have been in this situation where my husband had training for 6 months to a year, but not a long enough period to warrant uprooting our whole home.
Some spouses do choose to do this and most tend to feel isolated and alone anyhow because training bases tend to be in crappy places and their spouse is busy training. Now, due to your health conditions, your husband needs to have you on what is called “exceptional family members” program.
I and my son are in this program. Basically, it ensures that your husband will not be stationed anywhere where you could not access reasonable services for your conditions. We can’t be stationed anywhere at high altitudes, like Colorado, because of my migraines, for instance.
Lastly, your marital problems should really be addressed before you move anywhere. Uprooting yourself from a familiar location and access to an existing support structure is no small ask when your marriage is on the rocks. Yes, you will need to make that sacrifice to move forward, but what sacrifices is he making for you?
And for everyone who is saying BAH will fully cover housing, you have NO idea what you’re talking about.” Azura13
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. From what I was told, my grandparents were in a similar situation as you, except kids were involved. Granny and the kids stayed put until Grandaddy was done with training, and then they all moved to where he was stationed. From time to time, he was sent out on missions or to other countries and they all stayed put.
I’m the veteran of a 4-year long-distance relationship, and it can be done, it’s just a lot of work. He was finally able to join me and we’ve been happy ever since. Two moves within a year – one to where your husband is and the next to where he is stationed – will be super stressful for you and the fur babies.
Plus, getting a short-term lease you can easily break is difficult. With the health issues you have, it makes more sense for you to stay put until he’s stationed. Your husband’s feelings are absolutely valid, as well as his concerns. But I am worried the moving stress could be worse on your health in the long run with things being exacerbated by being in a strange place for a short time.
You won’t have enough time to find new doctors and get established with them. That won’t help your marriage at all. Good luck with everything. I’m rooting for y’all.” savvyliterate
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s difficult to uproot your life. Your husband has a purpose where he is now.
You would be moving there with nothing but him for support. And how long would you have that before he gets deployed? Plus all the other obstacles you listed: high rent (is military housing available?), finding a place for your fur babies, not to mention no family or friends nearby.
I get that you need to be together to work on your marriage. I get that he’s worried about you. What part of the military is he going into? Will he be leaving you for long stretches of time? How long before his training is done and you need to move again?
I think you both need to have a long talk about the future before you make that move.” lifewith6cats
19. AITJ For Letting My Kids From My Previous Marriage Meet Their New Siblings Without Their Mother's Approval?
“I have a total of six children counting my stepson: M14 Jack, M10 Sam, and F8 Hailey from my old marriage; and M1 Jon and Austin from my current marriage, plus M11 Ben, my stepson.
I never made my kids from my previous marriage meet the twins or stepson because my ex said they weren’t happy with the idea, and that she would tell me when they changed their mind. I didn’t want to force the interaction and make things awkward, so I just trusted her and agreed.
Yesterday I took Jack, Sam, and Hailey to eat outside and did some “emergency” grocery shopping for the babies. While I was doing that Jack asked me why they hadn’t met their new brothers yet. I was surprised by this and asked all of them if they wanted to, which they all said yes.
I thought about the deal I had with my wife and realized this was practically the same, so we went to my house. One by one they met the twins (I didn’t want to present them to so many people at once), and they even met Ben.
Overall it was a pretty good day and it all turned out as I always wished.
My ex-wife called me that night to ask me why I took the kids to my house and made them meet the babies instead of waiting for her “thumbs up”.
I said that waiting for her to tell me the kids were ready wasn’t necessary because they themselves told me that. She said, “she knows her children” (whatever that means) and then hung up.
I don’t get why she’s acting like I did something wrong, but maybe it’s some weird rule about co-parenting I don’t know about?”
Another User Comments:
“No adults in your story are thinking about the kids. I’m even having doubts about how true that story is and I’m questioning a lot of things. You have kids who are one so you’re at least separated from your ex for at least 2 years, maybe even more.
This entire time, you’ve only seen your kids outside your home? They had never met your stepson? Not even once? Does that kid live in a land far away and only come to see his mother every 31st of the month? How often do you see your kids?
Don’t you have a court order for custody? If you can afford to have two more kids, how can you not afford a lawyer for changing the custody if your ex is keeping them from you? How about your partner? I saw in one of your comments that the kids didn’t meet the twins at first because she didn’t want too many people at once.
Doesn’t that bother you? That she’s fine with your children’s siblings being kept away when her child isn’t? And what is that story about not letting those kids just meet each other all together as siblings? I’m wondering if your current partner was your affair partner, or if there’s something in the custody order that keeps you from taking your kids back to your place.
If I had to vote, I’d go with ESH, except for the kids, but I highly doubt this story is true.” Primary-Criticism929
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You seriously never had a conversation with your kids, even before the twins were born, about how much you love them, having a new family won’t change that, and while you know it’s a lot, you’d love for them to meet their step brother and half brothers whenever they feel ready, and all they have to do is ask?
Everything went through their mother? No dad-to-kid heart-to-heart chats? Did you look at this from their perspective? Dad has new family, won’t let us meet them, spends less time with us, we matter less than before. Your ex will do her thing, but you could have handled this better than having your kids wait a year to pluck up the courage to ask if you loved them enough for them to meet the babies.
That’s on you.” Competitive_Papaya11
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Man, I feel bad for your first set of kids being discarded. They aren’t allowed to meet their own siblings, not allowed to step foot in the house their father lives in, and they don’t even have beds at your place for when they are allowed to step foot in your house.
You say you have 50/50 custody and yet you don’t spend 50/50 time with them. You spend less than 25/75 time with them at MOST. SMH. You are going to be wondering why your relationship with them is rocky at best very soon.” Acrobatic_End6355
18. AITJ For Leaving My Ex Alone In The City After He Failed To Plan Our Meetup?
“My ex (20M) decided to plan a trip to come see me (20f) in NYC as a way to start amending our relationship.
(Together for 1 year) I didn’t ask him to come visit, as I told him we could discuss our relationship when I returned back to school from summer break. (I go to school out of state) But he decided to surprise me with this trip.
When texting him what we would be doing he said he would just be coming over to “hang at my house”.
I told him it doesn’t make sense for him to buy a ticket to see me to not do anything but sit around for the day. He then says he doesn’t know what to do here. I explain it’s a tourist state we have just about everything.
He refused leaving me to look for things to do. The issue with this is that one of the reasons I ended things is because I was the one who had to plan dates all the time. And now he planned a trip to surprise me…but I have to plan it?
It felt unfair and I texted this explaining to him he got upset and said he was canceling his ticket. Then he proceeded to not answer my texts.
This morning he calls me several times saying he’s here in the city, where am I? I explained to him that he said he cancelled his ticket so I made plans with my mom.
He gets upset and my mom tells me to meet him since it’s the right thing to do. I go and meet him and he still has no plans and becomes demanding that I just take him to my house to hang there until his train leaves tonight.
I told him no and told him to enjoy his day in the city then went back home. I did call his mom to inform her about the situation. She wasn’t upset and understood but my mom says I could have been nicer. Was I the jerk for leaving him in the city?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s an adult and can be responsible for himself. You shouldn’t have to drop your plans just because he has no ability to plan himself. And he probably has a smartphone so it should take him hardly any time at all to find places he can spend his day.
I think this was an important boundary for you to enforce so good on you. He doesn’t sound that mature, I personally wouldn’t put effort into maintaining this relationship.” ToraAku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lose the guy. I have had similar issues where guys didn’t really plan dates and it was frustrating for me to know that I was putting in a lot of effort into building a relationship while he wasn’t.
I’m currently seeing someone who has elaborately planned the dates and, honestly, it’s such a breath of fresh air. Get someone who is willing to put in the time and effort to give you a fun date. Also, just wanting to “hang out at home” is what a lot of guys say when they want to have fun.
Definitely lose the guy.” stripednoodles
Another User Comments:
“I get why you feel like the jerk. However, you are NTJ by a long shot. a. You explained to him why you didn’t want to just “Hang at your house” b. You explained that you were tired of planning everything c.
He came after telling you he was canceling. d. you still met him and he had nothing planned. I agree with most other posters I have seen, get away from this toxic jerk. He won’t change trust me, I have 50 years of experience of men not changing, as I am one!!
Let him find someone who is ok with putting in all the effort. That is apparently not you. Ditch him and go find your happiness!” jag5x5NV
17. AITJ For Being Upset At My Parents For Buying Things With My Money Without My Consent?
“My parents are both very controlling people, in every aspect: grades, sports, money, diet, etc. I’ve lived with them both in one household for 18 years and the last three have been a nightmare. Their habits are starting to chip away at my sanity.
Even my therapist is encouraging me to get out as soon as possible.
Because of all this, I have some pretty strong issues with them trying to insert themselves into my business. It finally started getting to me when I was 16 and I’ve honestly been miserable ever since.
My anxiety has sky-rocketed and my eating disorder (which was indirectly encouraged by my dad from a really young age) is a mountain I am still climbing.
There have been a lot of little ways they’ve both stepped over VERY CLEAR boundaries. I have issues with food, obviously, and my mom often ignores items labeled with my name or tells my always-eating brothers (18 and 20) that they can take something everyone knows I specifically made for myself.
It makes me want to tear my hair out. I don’t feel respected or seen. No one ever bothers to ask.
In January, I came home from a trip to find that my family had purchased a car for me as a surprise. However, it was a car I was told to pay for.
This had always been the plan—I had been saving up for a while—but my budget was $4,000. They bought an $8,000 car without telling me, and now I will owe them money for years. I never said this to anyone, but I was crushed. I’ve felt so suffocated by my parents that all I wanted was to do things on my own.
Getting a car was a milestone I was so excited to complete BY MYSELF, and now I have one that’s too expensive for me to take care of. I knew as soon as I found out that they’d bought me a car that they wanted to have me out of the way for the process.
It was never my choice to make at all.
The reason I’m ranting about this now is because they just bought me a pair of 300-dollar headphones (that I’ll be paying them back for, of course) and didn’t tell me. I’m really annoyed because it’s my money they’re indirectly spending.
I wanted to buy the headphones myself, especially because I have $150 in gift card money that I was planning on putting towards the purchase. So now I owe them 300 more dollars instead of 150 since they obviously didn’t use my gift cards for half the money.
The whole point of using those gift cards was that I wouldn’t be spending nearly as much of my own funds.
Unfortunately, my parents are really insulted by my disappointment. I feel bad because I never want to seem ungrateful, but this has happened too many times and I’m freaking sick of it.
AITJ? Have I been too dramatic about the whole situation, or do you think it’s fair for me to be upset?”
Another User Comments:
“Wait….what? Did you fork over any money for that car yet? If it’s not in your name then technically it’s not your car and may never be, even if you are the one that ends up paying for it.
Your parents are controlling and manipulating you. Your therapist is right. Hopefully, you can get out soon. Maybe stop accepting their gifts. They can’t MAKE you pay them for a car you don’t want. NTJ.” SilverQueenBee
Another User Comments:
“Honestly I would have given them back the keys and headphones and said while I appreciate that you both thought you were trying to help me in reality you have caused me debt, also the experience of me trying to stand on my own to buy a car and insurance within a limit was of great importance to me.
I’m not saying you are the jerk not at all you’re so NTJ here (I have an overbearing family and this is how I would handle them). As for your food issues, I feel you and my heart goes out to you my own relationship with it is not good, have you thought of a mini fridge in your room that you can lock?
Before people say it’s a drastic measure, it’s not especially if you are trying to get to a specific weight you have talked to with your doctor or nutritionist.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are trying to keep you in debt to keep you from moving out.
Do not pay your parents a dime. Lie and say you will until you can find a friend to move in with until you can get a job. When they ask for money for the car “Whoever’s name is on the title owes you money, not me.” If you can’t do this, at the very least, start buying your parents stuff and charge them for it.
“Oh you said you were going to have dinner so I ordered pizza, it will be here in 15” “You said you needed gas, so I filled it up at the station with the most expensive gas, that means it was the best gas right? Anyway you owe me 60 bucks.”” Dye_Harder
16. AITJ For Accusing My Ex's Family Of Manipulation And Keeping My Daughter Away From Them?
“My ex (M42) and I (F41) get along really well. We’re co-parenting a 5yo boy, and I also have a daughter who is 13. Her dad passed away when she was 4 so she calls my ex Dad.
There is a chance we might get back together.
I am NC with my ex’s family because they treated me horribly during and after our relationship. He always took their side, it was one of the reasons I left him.
My ex often takes our son to visit them, SIL has a 4yo boy.
For a few months now the little boy has been asking after my daughter. It keeps happening, coincidentally if he’s talking on the phone to SIL and she knows I’m in the room. I said to my ex that it is suspicious to me that his nephew hasn’t seen my daughter since he was a baby yet he is asking after her all the time, and I suggested to my ex that his family was trying to manipulate us by telling his nephew to say it.
My ex got angry with me and said nobody is making his nephew say anything, and that my daughter is part of their family. He then refused to talk about it.
It’s the second time I’ve said this and he reacted the same way.
I think they are trying to get me to break NC and using my daughter as a way to get to me. MIL has a history of being manipulative – for example, if he doesn’t do what she wants, she will say that he is making her physically ill to make him feel guilty.
And more, but I don’t have time to write it all!
A few years ago SIL said that my daughter was the “biggest brat she’s ever met and deserves a slap”. Also, my daughter has recently come out as queer and is experimenting with gender, and I don’t think SIL and MIL will be supportive.
He has invited my daughter to join him in visiting them, but so far she’s declined, and I haven’t tried to stop her, but now I think I’ll put my foot down and insist that he stop inviting her.
AITJ for accusing his family of being manipulative and keeping my daughter away from them?
Is he the jerk for not listening to me and taking their side again? I wish he and I could just have a conversation about it but he refuses to talk about it, so here I am.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself and your children for even considering getting back to someone who allows you and your daughter to be mistreated, won’t communicate with you regarding something so important, and will clearly never have you or your children’s back.
At the risk of being cliché, he showed you who he is the first time, believe him.” DonZeitgeist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think your daughter is very wise to have declined thus far. Ultimately if you would like to reenter a relationship with this person, I think you owe it to each other to communicate more clearly.
My parents split when I was about your daughter’s age, and remarried when I was 19. It was jarring and honestly their problems are just the same as they have always been. Getting back together is not doing anyone a favor.” Even_Hippo_5168
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wonder if they are doing this to get the older daughter to provide babysitting. They are probably hyping her up to the little boy, as to how much fun she would be, so he will ask for her. Then, when she comes to visit, they have someone to watch the 4-year-old and they can do whatever.” AgathaM
15. AITJ For Quitting My Job After They Blocked My Home Number?
“I work at a mid-sized furniture store that’s about 45 minutes from my home. I was working the register on a particularly slow day when I decided to randomly check the blocked numbers on the phone at my work. I was looking through and most look like scam callers, but in the mix, I see a few ones with a local area code and in that mix, I see a familiar number.
My home number.
I’m 16 and still living with my parents. I was confused, but very mad as well. What if there was an emergency at home while I was at work and didn’t have my phone? What if I needed to call home and I didn’t have my phone?
I went right to my manager’s office and asked if they knew why my home phone was blocked or who would’ve done it. She said that my dad tried to call them nine times one day. I asked what day but she wouldn’t tell me, however, I have reason to believe that it was the day that (while I was at work) my sister’s water broke.
This was before I had my own phone, so their only way of contacting me was through the work phone. Weirdly enough no one had called me at work, only showed up and picked me up. I almost missed my sister giving birth and now I know it was because my manager blocked my home phone.
I quit on the spot. I knew my manager personally so she’s now on social media ranting about how much of a jerk and unreliable person I am.
Am I the jerk for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not at all. That’s horrific that a business would treat their child employee like that.
The very least she could have done is pulled you aside and said that personal calls aren’t allowed unless they are serious emergencies (and then of course you could have told her that the only reason your dad called so much was because of an emergency).
But hiding calls from your family from you and then blocking them? She isn’t some prison warden. Write the story, just like how you did here on social media. Call them out by name, and call out the owner. Describe how you almost missed your sister giving birth, and how unsafe this place of business made you feel, and how they shouldn’t be treating their teenage employees this way.
Two can play at the whole “public shaming” game, and this is a situation where she absolutely deserves to be called out.” Cutiepatootie8896
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s extremely unprofessional that your boss is talking about you, an underaged person on social media. It’s also extremely unprofessional that you were not informed that your family was trying to contact you at work.
It’s very unprofessional that your number was blocked and I fully understand where you were coming from by confronting them about it. Their answer was disturbing and disrespectful so I don’t really blame you for quitting. I still wouldn’t necessarily say quitting on the spot is the right choice, but you could have maybe given your 2 weeks’ notice and gone about it the right way- but I still don’t think you’re the jerk.
There is no job security anymore so the two-week notice is kind of an outdated thing. Anyway. They probably would fire you without notice if you did something that disrespectful and rude.” Sneeky-Giraffe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for quitting because of the manager blocking your home phone number.
But a side question, why did you need to be at your sister’s delivery? Surely you could have gone after you finished your shift. It didn’t sound like an emergency delivery, where anyone’s life was in danger. Leaving work early usually requires there to be an emergency and for you to be the main carer, or because you need to see someone before they die, or for you to be too sick to perform your duties or have a communicable illness.
If I was the manager I would have told your dad it wasn’t a valid reason for you to leave early, but that I would pass on the message that your sister was having her baby. I would have also given you a break to receive a call to know how the baby was doing after delivery and to congratulate everyone.
If it was a slow day at work, I might have given you the rest of the shift off…but if there weren’t staff to cover your workload, I’d expect you to stay.” CowsEyes
14. AITJ For Being Upset After My Uncle Smashed My Expensive Guitar?
“My (18M) parents (40F & 45M) had family over at our house on Saturday while I spent the day with my friends at Six Flags Magic Mountain. I had a blast and got home at around 11, most of the adults were intoxicated/somewhat intoxicated but nobody was on my uncle’s (38M) level.
He was singing badly in karaoke and crying because he missed his ex.
Then his mood changed and he wanted to sing some silly country song. He went into my room since it has a sliding door that leads into our yard and pulled out my Gibson G-45.
I had a really bad feeling since he was intoxicated and holding the guitar I saved and spent SO MUCH money on. I worked so hard for it. I told my mom to stop him but she just laughed and said no because she didn’t want me being disrespectful to him.
So I just stood there watching him sing. He was fine and so was the guitar, good. Then he wanted to sing some AC/DC song on an acoustic so he did, when he finished, he got it by the neck and smashed it into the ground.
I felt like I was going to explode, but I just went into my room to process what happened.
The next day my mom said I looked stupid for being upset over a guitar, but my dad said it was messed up because it cost me a lot.
And I won’t be able to get my money back until another lifetime because my uncle is unemployed and depends on his siblings for money and shelter. You’re probably thinking I’m exaggerating but you don’t understand how hard I worked (especially since I don’t get paid that well).
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Technically, your uncle could be arrested for what he did… That’s malicious damage to private property. Either he replaces it, your parents replace it, or you should press charges. If this is true, DO NOT allow him to get away with this.
Being intoxicated is not an excuse to destroy something that costs over $1,000.” SigSauerPower320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your feelings are justified. And your mother is a heartless idiot. Have her reimburse you and if she says no, threaten to sue her brother. Also if anything like this happens again, take the item from him.
If he doesn’t give it, make a scene in front of everyone about how he had proven he can’t be trusted to not break things. If your mom won’t defend you, you’ll have to do it yourself.” Intelligent_Habit113
Another User Comments:
“NTJ what the heck is wrong with your mother?!
So let’s proceed. Your uncle enters your room without permission. Takes your precious guitar without permission. Uses it then destroys it without even being able to pay for it?! Know what?! Ask your uncle to pay you. Put his nose in his mess. If he does not want to, you go and tell your mother to pay it for you since she was responsible too of him taking it.
She doesn’t have the money? Ok then she may work and save to pay for it. A guitar, not important. The heck. It’s a musical instrument of course it is!!!” Marie-Demon
13. AITJ For Wanting To Ask My Partner To Not Smoke?
“I’ve (M21) been with my SO (F19) for about 2.5 years. About three years ago, my grandpa died of a heart attack.
The doctors were able to reanimate him but due to his smoking since he was 13, he got internal bleeding that couldn’t be stopped. I made a commitment that day to never smoke.
My SO has been interested in starting smoking. I tried to stop her but eventually, she got mad and made it clear that it was her body and her choices.
She was the one to decide if she wanted to smoke or not. She said that she was only trying it. I responded with “and when is this trying phase going to become full smoking?” She just said she didn’t know and I said that that’s what scares me.
That she can’t control how smoking affects her. She didn’t listen and finally, we made a commitment. I said I wouldn’t force her to not smoke but if she showed any hints of addiction I would step in and make her quit. She agreed to this saying that I was taking care of her and the relationship.
A couple of months ago I was diagnosed with fatty liver. I started exercising and changing my diet. Last week I had a liver function analysis to see the progress. When I was diagnosed, the enzymes that my liver produces were in the double or even triple digits when the normal levels are in the single digits.
Although I lost weight and my levels dropped, they were still extremely high. They did a new analysis where they analyze the level of fibrosis that the liver presents. I got a level higher than normal which is really close to stage 1 fibrosis, which if not taken care of, can become cirrhosis.
From the start of the treatment I stopped all drinking. My doctor just explained to me that the fibrosis can be reverted, but he can’t assure me I won’t get it back. He says that the liver now has the memory of it being damaged and it can make it easier to go up the fibrosis stages.
He said that I had to understand that drinking was no option for me in any way. I asked for how long and he said he didn’t know but to understand that under the current circumstances and aiming at trying to revert the fibrosis, it could be for the rest of my life.
He asked if I smoked and I said no. He asked if anyone I have contact with smokes and said that my SO wanted to start. He said that under no circumstances was I allowed to be in any type of contact with smoking, as just the smoke emitted could cause me further damage.
He explained that because my liver is working way too much, any type of smoke or booze makes it harder for my body to try and reverse the fibrosis. He finished the consult by saying that if not taken care of, not only would my liver be affected but my heart as well.
I left the doctor’s office extremely scared for my life. I plan on telling my SO later today but I’m scared she’ll think I’m just trying to force her not to smoke. I’m scared she wants to smoke because her friends do it and she doesn’t want to feel left out.
But I’m also scared for my life. AITJ if I asked her to not start smoking so I can heal properly?
I would like to clarify about my liver problems. I’ve always been athletic, I’ve practiced all kinds of sports, and have a balanced diet.
My liver problems come from undetected hepatitis. We don’t know when I got it or how I got it. The doctor says that the hepatitis affected my liver without me knowing and that it was a matter of time until it started showing symptoms of damage.
That my body caught it, stored it, and then got rid of it.”
Another User Comments:
“When I half started smoking (20 and dumb) my SO flat-out told me: ‘If you start smoking we are done.’ I first got angry that our relationship meant so little to us, but she explained that it was many things for her: She cannot stand the smell so whenever I would smoke she would have to keep a distance, the smell lingers, she envisioned fights about smoking in the window opening, how would this work with children?
She wants to grow old together, and for that, we both need to get old (#cutness_overload). In conclusion, it was a big deal for her, and although she apologized for being so harsh on it I had to understand that I was risking our relationship by smoking and whether that was worth it for me.
Add to that that it is a serious health risk for you and it just boils down to how important the relationship is to both of you (relative to the smoking).” Naive-Mechanic4683
Another User Comments:
“This is an interesting one. You are definitely NTJ for asking your SO not to smoke, we all know what the reasons are and they are all good.
However, you WBTJ if you try and tell her what to do. She is NTJ for wanting to do whatever she wants with her body, however, it could be argued that her logic is flawed and short-sighted. You have to look after yourself period, being around smoke would make you ill, do not be around smoke!
I have been a smoker and a non-smoker, and going out with someone who is at the opposite end of that spectrum typically leads to difficulties. Good luck, I hope you stay healthy.” jedburgh1972
Another User Comments:
“Your partner is an idiot. I have had severe asthma for 60 years.
I’ve been in a room full of people all breathing fine and I literally felt like I was dying. For her to WILLINGLY smoke and damage her lungs make her one of the stupidest people I’ve ever heard of! You absolutely need to tell her about your health.
If she cares for you at ALL she will not ever smoke anywhere near you or expose you to even one breath of smoke. If her response is anything less than concern for you and full cooperation with your health needs drop her immediately. If she gives you any crap at all regarding your health and her desire to smoke, end it and move on.
That means she’d actually risk harming you so she can look cool with her friends. I hope she acts like an adult instead of a spoiled child. Good luck. You can’t risk your life to be with a selfish child!” FlexibleMorality1
Also, you can ask your partner not to smoke, and you can decide to stop seeing her but you can't force her not to smoke, either. You are not her owner.
12. AITJ For Refusing To Return My Family's Items After Hosting A Party?
“I (28f) started hosting my family for all get-togethers about 2 years ago.
I have no problem doing this and I enjoy hosting. The only thing I dislike is anything my family brings (crackpots, pans, utensils, bowls, chairs, etc.), I’m expected to clean and return to them. For bowls and crackpots, I’m always expected to deal with leftovers that we won’t eat.
At first, I would just do it and take everything back to them. This gets annoying though because I work up to 90 hours a week, have a child who does different activities, and have everything else that I have to do on a daily basis.
On the 4th of July, we had a cookout and hosted about 22 people plus some coworkers and their families. I informed my family ahead of time that anything they brought, they would need to take home with them as I wouldn’t have time that week to clean and return everything.
They agreed but as always, they left everything for me to deal with. I went ahead and cleaned everything as normal but now I’m refusing to return everything. I told them if they want their stuff, they have to come get it themselves.
This has surprisingly caused World War 3 in my family.
I have some people calling me a thief but I keep telling them I told them I couldn’t this time. My mom now thinks I’m in the wrong because a good host would have just done it as it was my party.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry but your mother is dead wrong. You are a good host. A considerate guest would assist with the clean up and take their belongings home with them when they leave. I try to bring things in disposable pans and buy dollar store utensils so the host doesn’t feel burdened to clean and keep track of who brought what.
My brother and sister-in-law always bring a big honking Instapot. I told my brother to stop bringing it unless he was going to clean it.” penguin_squeak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Family I work 90+ hours a week and have my own things to attend to.
I do not have time to be the family maid in addition to my already (more than generous) hosting of every family event, so one of three things is going to happen. 1) You will take your dirty dishes home with you and wash them yourselves.
2) Anything left behind here will be considered mine to do with as I wish in order to recoup the costs of hosting everyone every time, or 3) I will stop making my home available for family celebrations. Hold a family meeting and choose, or I will have no choice but to choose for you.
Enough is enough.”” MelodyRaine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s all ridiculous. At the end of the day, your people need to be adults about this. My family shows up, regardless of who’s hosting, with empty Tupperware and bags. When eating is done, everyone picks a dish to stand in front of.
We begin to pass Tupperware and fill them up. When Tupperware reaches the owner, they put it in their to-go bag. As for crockpots, utensils, dishes, if we’re in someone’s home, we soak/wash/dry. For stuck-on stains, either the owner is willing to leave it with the host until the next event, or they take it home for a proper clean.
If it stays with the host, it’s fair game for the host to use it in the meantime. I mean, c’mon.” Poesy-WordHoard
11. AITJ For Confronting My Parents About Favoring My Older Sister?
“My older sister (who we will call K) is 25, she dropped out of college and my parents have been giving in to her demands since she was 17. They have always put her over me and my other older sister (who will be called G).
Yesterday K’s car crashed (She crashed into a pole while backing out.
She wasn’t hurt she had just hit the pole and the pole damaged her car, it was fine to drive and the car worked fine) and my parents dropped by the house, stopped everything because K needed something once again. They told me and G that I’d have to make dinner because I’m “Better at it” and “You know your sister” and then they left. No “I love you” no “I’m sorry” not even a “goodbye.”
Then when G messaged our mother to ask what was for dinner; she said “I can’t make dinner, K needs me right now, just get your little sister to do it” and then they came back. Not to stay of course. For context: G had just bought my parent’s old car off of them so she could get back and forth from college, and they had just said “K needs it more!!” And they gave K the car, G’s car that she bought with her own money.
And when G got angry about it my mother said “Stop being angry or else I’ll just sell it.” This made G cry. So when my parents finally got home (at 8 pm) I started yelling at them for never making K do things for herself and how they never made her take responsibility for her actions and how me and G always had to suffer because of it.
My mom got mad saying I was just being difficult. She ranted to K about it and then K called me after saying I was being a ginormous jerk. I feel so guilty but I don’t know if I was in the right here, So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Your sister paid for a car yet your parents took it back and handed it to your other, entitled sister? Did G get it in her name? I can’t believe the threat they gave saying they’d just sell it. Your parents are the blame here, they created this disaster.
Sadly, you and G are the left-out ones. Definitely NTJ. But your parents are.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are idiots for infantilizing and enabling K. I don’t know how old you are, but it’s time that you and G completely distance yourself from your toxic parents and move out.
From here on, do not do anything for K anymore, and tell your parents that you’re done with putting up with K’s entitled behavior. If they don’t listen, it’s time to go LC with them. Sorry OP.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Why can’t G just report her car as stolen?
Honestly? Your parents have failed. When you and G can move out, if you can’t already afford to do so together, cut them off. Literally, if I were you, I’d ask G if she wanted to get an apartment with you and just bounce. I don’t know how old you two are, but in most places in the world, I guarantee you’re old enough to do this without their permission.” WriteAnotherWoods
10. AITJ For Telling My Troublemaker Brother He Deserved To Be Expelled From School?
“I (22M) have a younger brother ‘Brian’ (17M).
Brian was a troublemaker in school and thought himself a class clown or something.
He never did his work, so he averaged C’s at best on his tests and was often sent to head offices. He was told last week that he wouldn’t be getting accepted back for his 6th year of school, and came home raging about it.
I live with my parents currently because I’m a university student, and it’s just cheaper to live with them and get public transport to school. I do help pay some expenses, but I’m mainly focused on my studies.
Since he was told this, my parents have been positively babying him, saying that he was a good kid and didn’t deserve that.
Or that it was an extreme reaction for some jokes (in reference to him being a class clown) and honestly it’s so grating. I don’t hate my brother or anything, I know I’m complaining about him a lot, but I’m sick of him having a victim complex over something that he’s been warned about since even I went to school.
We were at the dinner table last night when I was talking about how my studies were going and some job prospects that were showing up. Brian started to act super sad and said that ‘he could never have that now’ which led to my parents comforting him again.
I guess I was annoyed with it because I said ‘weird of you to complain when you deserved it and knew it was coming.’
Everyone got quiet for a second, before my dad set off and said that if I couldn’t respect and show some empathy for my own family then I should just get out.
I left the table and went back to my room, but it’s been super tense since, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly sounds like your folks have this image of him that he is the perfect angel child and is completely undeserving of this, despite the fact all the warning signs have been there.
It’s sending a bad message to him blaming the school for warning him rather than teaching him to face the consequences of his actions (info: is this in Scotland? Something similar happened to one of my pals lol). His next steps can always be college or an apprenticeship or something, reassure him that Uni isn’t the only option and he can still be in education and be successful.
He would probably appreciate hearing that from someone.” PlsGiveMeKiki
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe not the best timing ever; but NTJ. Your family, though… they mean well, but do it wrong. Maybe I’m just harsh this way, but lying to your kid and yourself is NOT respect.
And acting that it was out of the blue, undeserved, etc., etc. after all the warnings, detentions, suspensions, etc. is kinda lying. Good intentions, and all, but we know where those can lead. It’s also not just empathy, because while that is important, if you empathize with future-him, too, you tell him what he needs to hear to build a better future.
It’s a balancing act, you needn’t dump on him too much too soon, but too little for too long is also harming him. Respect is looking at someone and seeing them as capable of learning, capable to grow, and clearly, your brother needs to change a few things.
Respect is telling them that they need that change. Respect is believing that they can do it. His life isn’t over, not unless he rolls over and builds his whole identity on “oh, poor, mistreated me” — but yes, he needs to change and learn that sometimes consequences are bad, and we won’t always get another chance from a particular school, workplace, or SO.
We can mess up for real. And when we do, we need to look for a different one, and that difference might be just as good, but it can be worse, too. It’s not something you can tell in advance, but you can put in work to raise the chance of the just as good.” Ok-Painting4168
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, what it looks like here is your parents refusing to accept their own part in this and now they’re deflecting and refusing to see it. If your brother’s school cares enough that they kicked him out, I struggle to believe that they’ve never reached out to your parents or offered some sort of help that your parents have ignored, but that’s obviously just an assumption on my part.
Although, OP, are you Scottish? I’m asking because I just finished my 6th year of school a few weeks ago and a lot of that was preparing for university and other destinations after school, and I’d be happy to pass on some links/info about other destinations your brother could look into rather than a 6th year.
Because of the system as a whole, I don’t necessarily blame him for his situation — your parents are enabling him, yeah, but there’s also the possibility that school just isn’t for him, and in that case not being invited back for 6th year is a blessing in disguise.
To be clear, I think you’re NTJ at all, but if you’re from Scotland I’d be happy for you to DM me if you want some bits and pieces I was given to pass onto your brother, both to give him some perspective from someone his age who’s doing the whole school leaver thing as well, and maybe to help clear the air a wee bit with your parents.” SimplySomeBread
9. AITJ For Sending My Partner A TikTok To Hurt Her After She Unintentionally Hurt Me?
“My partner (20F) sent me (21M) a TikTok of a super jacked guy dancing while wearing nothing but a towel. I’ve been working out for a long time and have expressed multiple times to her how I want to get bigger, build more muscle, etc. When she sent this to me, I felt like she was just sending me a TikTok of a man she wished I looked like, a man she knew I wanted to look like, for no reason at all.
I genuinely saw red for a minute.
Without thinking, I went into my group chat with my friends where sometimes they send TikToks or screenshots of girls. I found a TikTok of a girl with her rear out, as I knew my partner was self-conscious of hers, and sent it.
She was at work and didn’t even see it until hours later, at that point I had sent multiple mundane, cute, or funny TikToks to her. She calls me crying, asking me “what the heck is wrong with you?” telling me that really hurt her feelings.
I told her that’s exactly how she made me feel when she sent the TikTok of that man. She proceeded to tell me that she sent it because the TikTok was “goofy”, not to hurt my feelings.
Looking back, the guy in the video was doing a really stupid dance with a very stupid expression, the towel was trying too hard, and the comments were all making fun of him.
But in that immediate moment, all I saw was a guy who was more jacked than me.
I apologized and she forgave me but said she wishes I just talked to her instead. I admit I messed up but I don’t think my reaction was unjustified, as she sent it to me without any context.
Her friends are telling her I’m a jerk but my friends are telling me I didn’t do anything wrong because she started it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but hear me out. It’s not because your feelings were hurt. I understand where the hurt came from and it is ok to have that initial internal reaction Where you’re the jerk is you went immediately to “She meant to hurt me” and rather than ask her or talk to her about it, you went nuclear right off the bat.
You picked an insecurity of hers and fired back without even knowing that was the original intention. You HURT your partner intentionally while she hurt you unintentionally. Learn to communicate OP. Your reaction was hurtful and inappropriate. Learn to talk to your partner. If your immediate reaction to having your feelings hurt by an SO is to hurt them back, you are going to be a hard person to get along with.
Relationships are full of accidentally hurting each other’s feelings. She accidentally hurt you (and she needs to know it hurt you so she can be more aware and lessen the possibility of causing that hurt again), but you did it ON PURPOSE. That doesn’t negate your hurt but it does make you the jerk.
Talk with your partner and just let her know you are insecure about it and if she is going to send something like that, maybe add a message like “look at this funny dance.”” 12th_companion
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Honestly just do her a favor a break up with her.
Let’s go through this: 1. You’re not wrong for having insecurities, but you’re wrong for making it other peoples’ problem 2. You immediately assumed that your partner was trying to hurt you, so why are you with someone you think would do that? (unless you don’t know your partner or you’re just THAT insecure) 3.
Instead of asking her what she meant by it, you immediately tried to hurt her which is messed up beyond belief. Why would you want to intentionally hurt someone you love and why is that your first response? 4. You have a full group chat full of you and your buddies objectifying women.
(I bet your partner would love to know about that) 5. And LASTLY, when your partner called you crying, YOU BUCKLED DOWN on your malicious behavior. Jesus dude, go to therapy.” Ok-Violinist8409
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for one reason: you sent the TikTok expressly for the purpose of hurting her.
That may be your instinctual reaction, but all that proves is that your instincts are those of a petty and cruel person and something you should challenge yourself to overcome. She sent you a message without any ill intent and accidentally hurt your feelings. Understandable mistake it sounds like she would have been happy to discuss and doing so probably would have made you feel much less hurt.
Despite the fact that you felt hurt, the reasonable thing to do would have been to maturely discuss why what she did hurt you. Instead, you decided to “get even”. That means YTJ.” NuketheCow_
8. AITJ For Taking Long Showers In Our One-Bathroom House?
“I (17M) live at my parents’ house (I’m leaving this year since I’m going to college in another city).
The house only has one bathroom, which is ok I guess since it’s only my sister, my parents, and me. The thing is, I enjoy taking long showers (I’m talking about 30-40min or so). I swear I’m not doing “teenager stuff” there, my main reason is that I’ve struggled with overthinking, feeling lonely, and feeling like garbage overall for some time now, and it’s not a secret that showers are super relaxing, even more with some good music, it’s like my “safe place”, and the only place where I can feel calm and forget about things that are bothering me for a second.
My family makes a big deal out of it ALWAYS. They always say that they have to go to the bathroom URGENTLY, and it’s not even occasionally, it’s every single day that they come in (my dad and mom mostly). Even though I put the lock on the door, they just open it with hair clips and come in anyway, and it obviously makes me so uncomfortable, I literally get no privacy in this house, not even while I’m showering.
I wouldn’t really mind it if it was something that happens occasionally, I get that they need to go urgently sometimes. But as I said before, they come in every single day, sometimes even one after the other. They are adults, I don’t think they can’t hold it for a minute.
After I come out, they’re usually mad at me. They ask me what I’m doing in there, and they even say I’m doing it because I want to bother them, or because I wanna cause a fight. The thing that pushed me over the edge and made me write this, is that it’s been some times (including today) that they turn off the boiler and leave me showering with ONLY cold water (wtf!?).
I usually finish showering right before I come out, so I have to finish with cold-as-ice water. And it’s not only in summer that they’ve done this, they’ve turned off the boiler in winter (I live in a city that gets really cold during winter, it even snows here).
I’ve been thinking that maybe I’m in the wrong here, so, AITJ for taking long showers?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not for taking a long shower, but for monopolizing the only bathroom for an extended period of time. You live in a home with several other people and sometimes you need to make compromises simply because you all need to live together.
Sure, you may ask if they need to use the bathroom before you start, but things can change over 30-40 minutes, and you’ve managed to put the idea of going to the bathroom in their heads, which can be pretty powerful. They’ve asked you to stop, and you responded by doubling down and locking the door.
That is just plain rude. Basically, you all live together – you need to all look out for each other.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. My brother used to do this and it drove everyone in my family crazy. It’s incredibly rude and inconsiderate.
You have no idea how much this is costing because you don’t pay the bills, and have you missed the fact that energy prices have rocketed lately? Just because it’s been historically affordable doesn’t mean it will stay that way. Let alone how damp you are making the bathroom, or how quickly you are wearing out the pump for the shower.
My brother killed ours within nine months of it being replaced. My parents made a rule – ten minutes and done. Your family is clearly done with your behavior and has found ways to stop you from taking up the only bathroom in the house for such a long period of time.
Your refusal to accept their limitations on your selfish behavior is on you. When you’re in your own place, with your own bills, you can shower for as long as you like, but while you share bathrooms with other people, you can’t behave like this.
If you’re constantly hogging the shower at college for an hour each day, you’re going to get reported SO fast. You’re nearly an adult. It’s time to grow up.” Accomplished-Cheek59
Another User Comments:
“Maybe I’m biased as a long shower taker, but NTJ.
You’re making sure no one needs the restroom before using it and your parents are… Breaking in while you’re showering? Try taking shorter showers and see if they still do it because everyone seems to be ignoring the fact that this is not an okay boundary to be crossing with a teenage child.
Also sounds like you like the meditative qualities of a shower — you might have to find a different outlet for that until you move out. I suggest mynoise.net for rain/water sounds. If you can get to a park with a quiet corner, that’s also great for just sitting.
Good luck with everything.” marie_goos
7. AITJ For Not Letting A Baseball Coach Cut In Line At The Grocery Store?
“I (M/30) was in line at the self-checkout at the grocery store.
I had about 15 items in a small cart (note the store doesn’t have an item limit posted for self-check). The store has 12 self-checkstands with 2 lines being formed, each leading up to 6 self-checks. There is a main thoroughfare between the self-checks and the grocery aisles. There’s enough room for one person to stand near the self-check stands and the rest of the line forms down the aisle so as to not block people walking through.
The store is BUSY. Each of the self-check lines has 5+ people waiting and the lines for a real checker are even longer. People are using the self-check lines with full loads of groceries as the normal lines are extremely long. After about 5 minutes in line, I approach the front and it is my turn next.
Two checkstands open simultaneously and the person ahead of me takes one and I begin crossing the thoroughfare to use the other. As I am walking across, a man (about 60/M) comes down the thoroughfare and approaches the open check stand that I was headed for, clearly intending to use it.
I tell him ‘sir, there is a line behind me’ and gesture to the other folks waiting.
He responds by saying he is a “baseball coach” and he only needs these two things (looked like a ball and a mouthguard) and it will only take him a minute to purchase them and check out.
He explains if he has to wait in line, he is going to be late for the game.
I respond with ‘your failure to plan is not my emergency’.
He gives me a shocked looked and says again, please I’m going to be late if I have to wait.
I say no, you can ask the rest of the people in line if they’re okay with you cutting and proceed to start using the check stand myself. He furrows his brow, says screw you, and races off to the other self-check line.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m interested in what other powers are granted when I become a baseball coach. Do I have to carry some sort of ID, or will being in uniform be enough to identify me as I leave behind the tyranny of queues? Can I also apply this power to getting drive-through meals?
Do other sports have similar entitlements, and is there a hierarchy? E.g I can cut in front of the basketball coach, but the football coach I should not only wait for, but sing rousing team songs to while I do so. So many questions.
NTJ.” Ok_Two_8173
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and the ONLY time I have used a similar excuse is when the line for the women’s restroom at the soccer fields is a mile long and I literally have five minutes between games. I always ask if I can go in first so I won’t be late for the next game.
Since the games can’t start without a referee, they always say of course and let me go first. But if I have the time, then I wait in line, like everyone else. That coach was a jerk.” Avocadosarecool2000
Another User Comments:
“Just recently told my spouse that Wally World with self-checkout and one or two cashiers, that waiting in line can take forever and really stops me from telling someone with a few items to go ahead of me.
I agree that the man shouldn’t have cut into line. And that sealed his fate with you. Just buying ice cream right now is out of the question when checking out is way too long. Even if someone pays a membership with Wally World to scan they can’t exactly GO because they have to go to a self-checkout to scan out and can bag if they want.
Never mind that a greeter at the door on the way out could be used to scan them on their way out. I see no benefit in the membership for scanning. Another place their scan and go I love. The membership is needed to shop there and no extra cost to use scan and go.” pensaha
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Wife's Grandma Around My Kids?
“My wife was constantly bullied by her grandmother when growing up (mainly about her weight and perceived lack of intelligence).
Fast forward my wife and I have a good life together, 2 beautiful kids, full-time work (wife works in healthcare as a may) own a house, etc. Now we have kids the ‘evil’ grandmother wants to know her great-grandkids,
My wife doesn’t want to be the reason our kids won’t get to know their ‘evil’ great-grandmother, but I won’t have a bar of the old cow and have openly called her “evil” around the kids.
AITJ for not allowing our kids to form a relationship with their great-grandmother?”
Another User Comments:
“Your wife ought to have a greater say about relationships with her own family. Are you worried that granny will maltreat the kids, or are you mostly angry on behalf of your wife?
More to the point, does your wife feel like you’re supporting her, or is this an additional burden and source of guilt? You’re NTJ because your heart’s clearly in the right place, but make sure you center your wife’s needs. Also, don’t speak badly about relatives in front of the kids–it can really come back to haunt you!” Parsimonycake
Another User Comments:
“This sounds pretty familiar to me; my spouse’s grandmother was very abusive to my mother-in-law and cruel to everyone to such an extent that before we had kids other family members of our generation were already refusing to bring their children around her.
Swearing at little kids, insisting that pregnant women sit on the floor because for some reason she didn’t want to use the chairs that were in the room, going on tirades about how fat and lazy everyone was. So I was in a situation like OP because my spouse felt like they should continue to suffer through Christmas with her.
So I laid down ground rules as others here have suggested. The moment she said something abusive to ANYONE within my earshot, we would leave. It doesn’t matter who it’s directed towards; my kids deserve better than to be in an environment that normalizes abuse.
My spouse can stay, that’s their choice as an adult. My first responsibility is my kids’ well-being.” triskelizard
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact that the great-grandmother treated your wife like garbage is more than enough to deny her access to your children. As a parent, you are the gatekeeper of your children.
That means you control the access people have to your children. You don’t have to invite anyone into your life or your children’s simply because someone demands it, is related, old, or all of the above. The funny thing about mean old people – they think because they are old that they are owed something.
They wave their mortality around like a wand of guilt, chanting “you’ll regret it when I’m gone”, when honestly, those they leave behind are relieved. Your grandmother-in-law seems like that kind of person. Your loyalty to your wife is more important than placating your wife’s abuser.” SilentCounter6750
5. AITJ For Kicking Out My Brother After He Took The Last Cheese Pizza From My Autistic Son?
“We had a family get-together for Father’s Day.
My older brother (Adam 45) came over also. We all got pizzas. My son Drew (14) is Autistic and vegetarian. He also has food texture issues so the only pizza he likes is cheese.
Drew was waiting until everyone settled down to get his pizza to avoid him being overwhelmed. Adam who normally eats meat lovers pizza went second to last and grabbed the last 6 pieces of cheese and licked them in front of my son.
So now he didn’t have any pizza to eat.
I called out Adam and he laughed saying “early birds.” I got angry and kicked Adam out of my home. My parents got mad saying it was Father’s Day and I’m ruining it for my dad.
I ended up telling my mom this is the last family event that I will ever host at my home. (We hosted everything since I got married almost 20 years ago)
My parents said I overreacted thus ruining my dad’s Father’s Day. I said it was Adam who ruined it by going after a kid with autism for no reason.
My mom left crying but I’m not backing down and hosting any more events including what was supposed to be a 4th of July BBQ.”
Another User Comments:
“Your most important job is to parent, protect, and support your son. What your brother did is cruel and disgusting – it would be whether or not your son is on the spectrum.
It is all the worse because he is. That your own parents can’t understand that on Father’s Day of all days — a day dedicated to the importance of parenting—is their failure. They are being selfish in failing to understand the cruelty of your brother’s action, failing to support their grandchild, and failing to support you in being a good parent.
They are lucky all you have said you’ll do is refuse to host. Many would refuse to talk to them. NTJ.” Capybara_99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A dog isn’t wrong for barking when it is woken up by someone stomping on its tail for fun.
To go with this analogy, there is something in many people that has them target the source of the noise rather than the actual source of the problem. If your parents knew that Adam deliberately left your son without food and still blame you then they deserved to be kicked out too.
I’d tell them to wake up to themselves and realize that they are supporting the bullying of your son. You want an apology and if you don’t get one, they aren’t welcome in your home, as an enabler of a bully is pretty much a bully themselves.
Shame on them.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Another User Comments:
“Wait-wait..a 45-year-old man licked 6 pieces of pizza? Not ate (which also would have been impolite when there are others that haven’t had any yet) but licked? Food that was served in a family event, meant for everyone?
We don’t even need an autistic teenager added to the equation (though poor dude, that really sucks), this is ridiculous. NTJ. I mean, I’d understand if your mom was crying because she realized she has to start training a 45-year-old all over again on (table) manners and how not to be a complete jerk but you did not ruin the dinner nor have any obligations in future hosting.” No-Set-3838
4. AITJ For Banning Family From Wedding If They Don't Learn ASL?
“My (25M) fiance Jono (23M) and I are getting married in 2 weeks.
Jono is deaf and so are both of his parents. Only his older sister is hearing. Because of this I decided and Jono supported me on this that anyone who didn’t learn ASL couldn’t come to the wedding as I wanted Jono and his parents to feel totally accepted on our big day.
We told everyone this after we got engaged last year.
Most of Jono’s family already knows, and my mom, dad, older brother, and grandma learned or were already pretty good from knowing Jono. My stepdad and stepbrother utterly refused though saying that they don’t really interact with Jono much (which they don’t) or his family and that it was a lot for just three people.
I’ve been trying to get them to just do it because I generally do want them there but they refuse. Last week I just straight up told them not to come. Jono agrees with me, but my mom thinks I’m being too harsh and to let them be an exception and both my stepdad and stepbrother are calling me an uptight jerk.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your demand is utterly unreasonable. If you want them to feel completely accepted, conduct the ceremony in ASL and provide a translator for those who don’t speak it. That makes it clear that ASL is the language being prioritized without demanding people learn an entire language in order to come to your wedding.
People have lives and learning languages is difficult. There are many ways to hold a bilingual, inclusive gathering when not everyone speaks the same language. Use those.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sorry, but it is too high of a requirement for a wedding. It’s like requiring everyone to learn a new language.
You could also compromise and have an interpreter for particular sections of the wedding. You could also give them (or ask someone to give them) etiquette classes for how to behave (e.g. don’t shout when talking to someone who is deaf, look at them when talking if they are lip reading, etc.) There are so many ways of involving people and making them more understanding.
The only thing you are doing by making this requirement is that they’ll have even less interaction with your future husband and his family, and just create problems.” Coco_Dirichlet
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I am deaf in one ear and I have taken ASL because of the possibility of going deaf in my other ear.
It is hard to learn another language, and it takes a LOT of time and practice to be good at it. You are demanding that everyone who goes to the wedding learn a new language in one year!! Should your family try to learn? Yes, should they be forced to??
No. Would you ask your whole family to learn another language like Spanish, or German in order to attend your wedding?? Are you expecting everyone to just sign and not talk at all?” Who_Am_I_1978
3. AITJ For Refusing To Wear My Friend's Old Wedding Dress To Her Destination Wedding?
“My (32F) friend (32F) from college is getting married later this year. The save the date sent last year didn’t mention where the wedding would be. My friend and I live in neighboring states. However, when my husband (33M) and I were sent the wedding invitations three weeks ago, it turned out that it was going to be a destination wedding.
After looking into it, it would cost over $4000 for the both of us.
My husband and I can’t afford to spend that much money without going into credit card debt. So last week, I told my friend on the phone that we couldn’t attend but conveyed our best wishes and said that we would send them a wedding gift off the registry.
She asked me why we couldn’t come and I said that it wasn’t in our budget, mentioning the costs of plane tickets, the resort (3 nights), and wedding outfits.
She offered to lend me a dress to wear so I wouldn’t have to spend money to buy one.
I told her that it was really kind of her to offer but the main costs for attending her wedding were the plane tickets and the resort. Then, she followed up by offering for me to wear her old wedding dress from her first wedding.
And she added that she didn’t care about other people wearing white to her wedding.
Context: My friend got married in 2017 and divorced in 2020. My then-partner (now husband) and I attended that wedding and it was held locally. The wedding dress she wore was beautiful and minimalist/simple in design.
I don’t have any details into their divorce though I do know that it was not amicable.
I was pretty shocked by her offer, I didn’t (and still don’t) understand the logic behind it. I basically repeated what I said in response to her first offer to loan me a dress.
She got a bit upset at my rejection and said that she was trying to do everything she could to help us attend. Again, I thanked her for being so generous with her offers to help but at this point, I was trying to end the phone call as quickly as possible.
To be honest there’s something very off-putting to me about the idea of wearing the bride’s wedding dress from her previous wedding to her current one. And a lot of people who attended her first wedding will be at this one so I think at least some will recognize the dress.
I would just feel so embarrassed the entire time. So even if we could afford to go to the wedding, I would have turned down this offer anyway. But I didn’t tell my friend any of this on the phone.
Just yesterday, my friend sent me a long text which basically said that she thought my husband and I were being inconsiderate and ungrateful and that we should have made a bigger effort to attend her wedding considering we had been friends for almost 15 years.
And that clearly I didn’t value our friendship as much as she did. I haven’t responded to this message yet and I’ve only discussed the situation with my husband who is on my side.
AITJ did I do something wrong or should I have responded differently?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a ridiculous offer to make, and it doesn’t even solve the cost issue at all. Your friend is wildly out of touch to think she gets to guilt you over this. People who have destination weddings have to accept that the cost is a major deterrent to many potential guests.
Tell her you will attend the next wedding she has if it’s local that time.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“Your friend is coo-coo for cocoa puffs. She’s offering to provide you with the least expensive part of this trip. A dress to wear to a wedding can be had for $200 or less.
If you can’t afford $4k, you almost certainly can’t afford $3800. And you’d be foolish to go into debt over a destination wedding. I can’t even begin to say how tacky it is that she offered to let you wear her old wedding dress. It still doesn’t change the fact that this trip is going to cost you more than you can afford.
When you choose to have a destination wedding, you need to accept the fact that you’re going to get a lot of declined invitations. If she wants you there that badly, she can pay for your travel. NTJ.” OGBrewSwayne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s totally reasonable not to want to wear her old wedding dress.
“After looking into it, it would cost over $4000 for the both of us.” It’s also fair enough not to want to rack up that much credit card debt. And not to share that information with your friend if you don’t want to. “So last week, I told my friend on the phone that we couldn’t attend but conveyed our best wishes and said that we would send them a wedding gift off the registry.” You’ve been as nice & reasonable as you can be over the whole thing.
Your friend needs to accept your decision & stop giving you grief over it.” Apart-Ad-6518
2. AITJ For Telling My Overly Anxious Mom That I Hate Her After She Left Me Alone At Night?
“My mom is a very anxious and pessimistic person even though we live in a decent area in the suburbs. Yesterday, she drove me (17F) to a restaurant to have dinner with my friends. Of course, the entire time she obsesses over safety – telling me I should leave the restaurant if anyone looks suspicious, to find all of the exits in the restaurant, and just reminding me of all the horrible things that go on in the country.
Negativity really annoys me, but I know she is just trying to protect me so I listen to what she has to say.
When she picks me up after dinner, I roll down the car window so I could see a stain and wipe it off my clothing because it was really dark in the car.
She screams at me to roll my window up and starts bothering me about the dangers of having your window down. I am annoyed with her at this point because I hate negativity.
I ask her if I could charge my dead phone and she does not respond.
I see her phone is charging at 35% so I unplug hers and plug mine in. She then starts to yell at me because she wanted her phone fully charged in case of an emergency. (We were only about 10 minutes away from our house). I keep telling her to stop being so annoying and she starts to complain about how everyone in the family hates her.
I say “Well, you wonder why?” She then tells me to get out of the car and walk home. It was near midnight and there was scattered lighting all over the place. It was 90 degrees out and my phone was dead.
I get out of the car and I am very annoyed, I walk in the opposite direction of our house and sit down under a tree as I watch her drive away.
I realized that my entire life she has been berating me about safety just to abandon me and put me in a dangerous situation. I stay there for a while and begin to walk home. I then see a man running towards me with a flashlight.
It is my dad and he came to get me. I can tell he was very worried and we walked home. When I come in the house I see my mom and she says nothing to me.
The next morning when I wake up I hear my parents arguing and my mom saying that she wanted to teach me a lesson.
My dad told her that she can’t make up an excuse for what she did and left for work. My mom then comes to my room and yells at me over what happened last night. I tell her that she is evil, and I hate her, and that she shouldn’t be a mother.
I know this is harsh but I was very upset and at the end of my rope with her because this isn’t the first time she treated me like this. I feel guilty about what I said but at the same time, I feel like she forced it out of me.
She still hasn’t apologized and thinks she is in the right for what she did.
AITJ for saying these things to my mom?”
Another User Comments:
“There’s a lot more to this. Your mother clearly has problems she is projecting onto you. Her fear is pretty hysterical. However, you are not helping yourself.
Your behavior in the car wasn’t great. You don’t just unplug someone’s phone. I understand it’s not your car? I’d be annoyed at you for that. Your mother shouldn’t have abandoned you, but you willingly put yourself into that situation and stayed there. Your mother clearly needs help, but you’re also acting a bit entitled and disregarding that she clearly has issues.
A hard one to give a clear answer. YTJ for some things, NTJ for others. In regards to your actual question. Probably jerk, you know your mother cares (although excessively) to tell her that you hate her is pretty harsh.” The-Jagged
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and don’t listen to these people in the comments scolding you for your behavior in the car or for saying you hate her.
Guess what? She’s the parent and is responsible for parenting you when you have an attitude or say something snarky, or say you hate her. Instead, this woman abandoned you in the dead of night. You are allowed to have your feelings about that.
Your feelings are that she’s evil, a bad mom, and that she put you in a dangerous situation out of spite. That’s not parenting, that’s abandoning. Talk to your dad about your feelings and maybe even with a trusted teacher/ guidance counselor.
I always try to use “I feel” statements, like, “I feel like my mom left me in a dangerous situation out of spite,” or “I feel like my mom shouldn’t be a mom if she’s abandoning her kids in the middle of the night on the side of the road.” Maybe bring up therapy for yourself with your dad, good luck.” Nicy-lesbian
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. She shouldn’t have left you, that’s unacceptable. But you escalated the situation by being cruel and verbally abusive just because she was “negative.” You’re old enough to know better. It sounds like she has severe anxiety and you were selfish and awful.
You both need to learn to treat each other better. She needs therapy.” Terytha
1. AITJ For Not Inviting My Cousin To My Graduation Party After Her Accident?
“I’m an 18-year-old female and graduating high school in a few weeks. My cousin (I will call her Cousin) was in a car accident a few months ago, as she had run a red light turning left and was slammed on the driver’s side.
She was in the hospital for almost three months but is getting better now. As of today, she’s been home for a few weeks now and she’s doing so much better, such as she can walk and has little mental defects (She is no longer allowed to drive because of them).
I have sent out my grad party invites to everyone, either over the mail or online, so that my entire family and friends can come and wish me luck for the future to come. Cousin has me blocked on all social media and through my phone number because of her entitlement and because I constantly call her out on her nonsense, such as getting held back so she could be in the same grade as her now ex-partner and running a red light because “Nothing bad happens” (this was before the accident).
I invited her father since I don’t know if my cousin would be ok with going to a party where she could be out late. As much as we don’t get along, I don’t want her to be uncomfortable since she takes two naps now.
Her father is more than welcome to bring her, but I don’t know if going to an all-day party where there are only picnic benches to sit on would be good for her. My dad found out this morning that I did not invite my cousin.
This is our conversation as of 11:10 AM.
And for some more context. My dad has been verbally abusive to me and I do not live with him anymore.
Dad – Why didn’t you invite cousin to your grad party?
Me – Didn’t think she’d want to go.
It will be a long day.
Dad – It would be good for her to go. Text her right now and invite her.
Me – She has me blocked on everything. I can’t.
Dad – It’s not all about you. You will do as I say.
Now. Invite her.
Me – It is about me. It’s my graduation party. My name is on the invites. She is not going to be invited.
He hasn’t answered me since that text. I feel bad and think that I should just send her an invite so everyone stops being upset with me.
So, Am I The Jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Whatever your cousin’s personality used to be like, a head injury will not improve it. She sounds frustrating but she is a relative that is ill. I would say that you should invited out of charity. It will be good for her.
During this recovery period, she will likely continue to behave poorly and cut people out of her life. You will not get any thanks or appreciation for helping her, but that will actually improve you as a person. I think your feelings are valid but do it anyway.
NTJ.” cinnamngrl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP you did the kind, responsible thing by inviting her father and letting him know cousin was welcome to attend if she was up to it. Sidebar – your comments about your dad are very illuminating… “he’s not required to pay anything since it’s not in the parenting plan from the divorce“.
What a real freaking winner he is. I’m not surprised he is a demanding “do as I say” parent. Enjoy your party!” cheesecheeesecheese
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, mostly (did she seriously injure anyone else with her reckless driving?). You can send an invite in the mail.
Karma has doled out punishment for her prior bad behavior, there’s no need to add to it. You’ve won the conflict between you two, now be magnanimous in victory instead of continuing to fight it.” Jaded_Lab_1539
