People Have Their Sticky Situations Explored In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Painting My House To Match My Goth Style?
“I (F31) recently bought my first home all on my own! I’m super happy about it, but an encounter with a new neighbor earlier today kind of threw me off my groove, and now I’m wondering if I’ve been a jerk.
Basically, while I wouldn’t call myself goth, my style is similar.
Corporate goth, I guess you could say? Lots of black, and when I use color in my personal life it tends to be very dark shades.
When I was house hunting I didn’t pay too much attention to paint color or anything, and just searched for a house that fit my needs/budget/etc. And I found it, with a good commute to work in a quiet neighborhood.
It was bright yellow with blue shutters/doors and bright flowers in the yard, but I knew I could paint it.
I had a bit left on my lease, so before I moved in I had the house painted a pale, warm shade of gray with black trim and white shutters/doors, and had the flowers replaced with ones that better fit my color scheme, and added a dark leaf plum tree to the front yard.
Anyway, it’s been a few days since I moved in and I was out in my yard when this older woman came up to me and started asking if I was the one who did this, and why did I need to make my house so “witchy” (?) and dark.
She said I ruined the look of the whole neighborhood and it was going to bring down property values. I told her to get away from my property because she was starting to yell, then went inside.
Later I started to wonder. It’s my house and looks nice to me, but the other houses are very colorful and mine stands out a lot.
I don’t think it will sink property values, but it does clash a lot. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m an older lady and by no means goth but I think your house sounds awesome. If you weren’t taking care of the upkeep that’s something different.
Personally, I’d try to find a cauldron and stand and turn it into a plant stand. Maybe plant some dark red roses because, hey there’s the “color” she was looking for.” cassidy1111111
Another User Comments:
“Your style sounds right up my alley! Unless you’re dancing in your front yard in ritual, to celebrate the full moon or solstice, your house is none of your neighbor’s business.
I really don’t see your freshly painted and landscaped house hurting their values, regardless of color. NTJ.” SMB711
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – that’s actually the in-style. Paint your old brick house either grey or white and give it a black trim, and that is going to get so much more attention on the market than conventional brick or pastel colors.
Old woman is just a grump.” DogsAreMyDawgs
23. AITJ For Not Changing Our Baby's Name Despite My In-Laws' Disapproval?
“My partner and I are expecting a baby girl and have had her name picked out since we started seeing each other 4 years ago.
My relationship with his mom has never been great, but is now just straight-up bad. The reason for this is that my partner and I had a very toxic relationship in the past. I broke it off after which we both worked on ourselves and got back together.
His mom never forgave me for how heartbroken he was and blames me for all the issues in our past.
When my partner told his parents we were expecting, his mom flipped out, demanded we terminate the pregnancy at 16 weeks, asked if he was sure the baby was his, said horrible things about me, and told everyone else in his family how stupid we were for not terminating.
She later claimed the reason she was so upset was because we were set on adoption and ‘giving her granddaughter away.’ (?)
Since then, we pretended nothing happened and I tried to move on though she never apologized. She asked if we had a name picked out and to try and mend things, we shared it.
She then told everyone else in his family what it was (which was meant to be private) and one of her family members said it sounded a bit like a bad word in her language. We checked with the rest of his family who agree it doesn’t, but MIL decided this was her hill to die on.
She told my partner if we didn’t change the name we were offending half of his family. He eventually stopped responding and she took this as a win.
This past weekend we visited them for the first time in a while. Within 10 mins his dad rehashed everything and said we ‘were obviously changing it, right?’ I said no, and they can learn how to deal with saying our daughter’s name.
He then said he didn’t believe his son was the one pushing for this name because it’s “in my language” (it’s NOT btw it’s an Arabic name and my family speaks Hindi, but ok sir thanks for your ignorance) and he didn’t believe his white son wanted an ethnic name, but of course I must. I said actually no, your son is the one who is dead set on this name as we’ve had it picked out for years but he didn’t believe me.
His mom chimed in with “think of her birth story – she was an accident, then you wanted to give her up for adoption, and now you’re naming her a curse word – you’re just reminding her how unwanted she is.” I was shocked, left, and went upstairs because I was near tears and going to say things I’d regret.
It turned into a 2-hour screaming match between him and his parents where his dad accused me of being dramatic for leaving the conversation, his mom said she’d never forgive me for breaking his heart, etc. I now want to go no contact with them and not have to deal with them at all because every single interaction we’ve had with them since the start of this pregnancy has been horrible, stress-inducing, and negative, but I know all of this is also hurting my partner (which I think I might be the jerk for).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but in the future, don’t make announcements or you’re inviting opinions in. People without boundaries who show you no respect will use it as an opportunity to beat you down with what they think. As a fellow new parent I can tell you that the amount of unsolicited advice is crazy so get used to shutting that nonsense down.
Set your boundaries, mama! Enjoy your precious nugget. The days are long but the years are short.” F*******5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The parents get to name the baby. Your mil is not as super-special as she thinks she is. And when the baby’s born and this annoying creature suddenly wants to be up its butt constantly, remind her that she’s not even sure if it’s her son’s, so why would she want anything to do with her?” YourMom_Infinity
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family is extremely prejudiced. Why does every word need to be centered around the English language? Arabic is its own language and just because it “sounds” like another word doesn’t mean anything because it’s not in English. Calling an Arabic name a witch name???
Sounds ignorant and racist to me. Do not let your daughter around this family, this post is already loaded with microaggressions, your child does not need to hurt her heritage.” Legitimate-Chair6580
22. AITJ For Telling My Grandmother To Stop Meddling In My Aunt's Wedding Plans?
“A couple of weeks ago, my aunt was getting married to her second husband. They’re the sweetest couple with a deep love for nature (her husband is a huntsman and caretaker of the forest region where they live) so they wanted a small low budget nature-themed wedding.
I offered to help plan and decorate the event, because my aunt honestly didn’t want to be in charge of any of that and I really enjoy decorating stuff.
Everything was going smoothly until my grandmother decided she needed to be in charge and she had her own ideas for the way the wedding should look… I tried my best to reason with her because I knew my aunt wouldn’t want any of the tacky classical wedding stuff.
But the final straw came when my grandma came over while me and my aunt were discussing the flowers over coffee. She came with a huge bag and we both stared at her. She then pulled out a wedding dress, a huge white one with sparkles everywhere, and said that she bought it for my aunt to wear because the dress she had chosen was ugly and not wedding-like.
(My aunt’s dress was a simple green dress with little fern details, that honestly looked beautiful on her).
My aunt left in silence and my grandma got really offended. I stared at her speechless, she then told me so what you have nothing to say now?
And I told her to shut up for the love of God you already had five weddings so let this one be your daughter’s… she then got mad and left. I found my aunt crying in the bedroom. I admit I may have been a little harsh… but I was fed up with my grandma trying to make everything about her again.
My aunt thanked me but the rest of my family thinks I’m a jerk… and that I should immediately apologize. I said that I won’t till she apologizes to my aunt.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes pushy jerks just need to be shut down.
They somehow think that their opinion matters and that they are the only ones who are the arbiters of good taste. So they push their agenda on everyone else. Just tell your family that they can let her plan their weddings, but that Granny asked and you answered.” ForwardPlenty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandma was out of line. Don’t apologize for what you said. But maybe say sorry for how you said it? Use this opportunity to calmly explain why her behavior isn’t acceptable.” East-Preparation-906
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask your Aunt what she wants you to do and if an apology is required then I suggest the following.
I am sorry that your need for attention and for everyone to follow you and do what you want was not allowed. I am sorry that you felt that you had the right to bulldoze your daughter into doing what you wanted and not what she wanted. I am sorry that you lack the manners to allow others to be happy.
And I am sorry I waited as long as I did to shut you down. It contains the word sorry, it describes the situation and how you will act in the future.” W1ldth1ng
21. AITJ For Getting Annoyed At My Partner Over Cookie Consumption Comments?
“I (29f) bought a 6 pack of cookies yesterday. One cookie is about the size of 3ish Oreos for context. I ate 3 yesterday, my partner (30m) had half a cookie, and I was eating the rest when my partner came into the room and made the comment “you’ve eaten 5 and a half cookies within 24 hours.” I replied “over 2 days.” He said “yeah it’s still within 24 hours”, I got annoyed and said “you’re saying 24 hours to make it sound worse and more like one day instead of two.
What is your point anyway?”
He then went on about how eating 10,000kj at 11:59 pm and then another 10,000kj at 12:01 am would still be close together even though technically on different days and I said I didn’t see his point, and that people don’t say ‘let’s have dinner in 6 hours and lunch in 24’, you say ‘let’s have dinner tonight and lunch tomorrow’.
And he said “why do I need to talk a certain way because everyone else does?” And I said “because it’s not relevant to talk how you were and I wasn’t eating cookies at midnight and then 1 am acting like they were far apart. I had some yesterday afternoon and night and am having more this afternoon”.
He said it’s not healthy and I should only be eating one cookie a day. I got annoyed and said he was a jerk for telling me what to eat and to shut up and leave me to eat my cookies in peace like I originally was and why was he trying to start an argument with me over nothing?
He said if he started going out and getting inebriated all the time shouldn’t I tell him not to for his health? I said that’s not the same thing at all and I know cookies aren’t a vegetable and I don’t need him to tell me that they aren’t healthy, also I had a checkup b***d test just last month and my b***d sugar, cholesterol, iron, etc. everything was normal whereas he hasn’t had a b***d test for years so how does he even know he’s healthy?
He said “well I don’t eat as much junk as you do”.
Which is true, I do eat a lot of junk food but I’m fully aware of that and don’t appreciate being told what to eat. My b***d tests are fine, while I’ve gained a few kg recently from eating too much junk I’m still a normal weight (166cm and around 54-56kg).
I know I could eat healthier but I’ve always had a sweet tooth and find it easy to binge eat and he doesn’t at all, so I don’t think he understands how difficult it is for me to just eat one cookie.
He said I have a problem with never being wrong and need to reflect on that.
I know I can be stubborn in arguments and hate being wrong but this has nothing to do with being right or wrong about whether it’s 24 hours or 2 days, it was about him telling me what to do when I didn’t ask for his opinion.
I know if I’m eating unhealthy. I know if I’ve gained weight. I’m not blind and stupid, I don’t need someone else to tell me that as though they’re a bringer of truth that I was completely unaware of.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How long have you been together?
Be warned because now it’s the cookies but soon your whole relationship will be “you’re having THAT for dinner?” “You already ate x amount of hours ago” “you shouldn’t have those” and it will destroy your mind.” Dr_Fluffybuns2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You don’t have a problem with never being wrong, you have a problem partner that thinks he can tell you what and when to eat.
Good on you for telling him where to go.” –BMO–
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your cookies and you have every right to eat as much as you want no matter what timeframe. I get the feeling he was mad he couldn’t eat any more of your cookies and then decided to shame you.
Literally throw the whole partner away if he’s going to guilt you and try to tell you what you can’t eat and when.” [deleted]
You've already shot him down once, but this type loves conflict and so he's happy that he has someone who will fight back, because that sweetens the victory when he ultimately wins. Believe me, I was married to a man like this for six years and then in a relationship with another just like him for four years, until I finally wised up and booted him from my life. They like strong, independent women because we're interesting and a challenge to conquer. Problem is, both my two @******s and yours, all picked the wrong girl to try this crap on. You're smarter than I was. Don't let him annoy you anymore. Good luck!
20. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister At My Wedding Because She Dislikes My Fiancé?
“My (24f) sister (17f) and my fiancé (26m) do not get along and to no fault of my fiancé either. My family has tried doing sit-downs, I’ve tried having a one-on-one with her to see if he’s done something to personally offend her, but nope.
She just says she personally doesn’t like him. Unfortunately, she’s very vocal about it, constantly mentioning how annoying he is and how much she dislikes being around him.
It came to a head this Christmas season when I and my fiancé mentioned wanting to spend Christmas Eve and all of Christmas Day with my family because his family (whom we usually spend Christmas Eve/morning with) would be out of town.
My sister threw a complete fit which ended in her saying that if he was there Christmas morning, she would not be opening gifts with him present and that she’d be miserable. She even yelled at him about how “he’s not even family so why is he even invited.”
Me and my sister usually have a decent relationship, of course we bicker and fight like most siblings do on occasion, but for the most part we’re pretty friendly with each other, so of course her attitude towards my fiancé is very strange to me.
But at the end of the day she hasn’t given me a valid reason for disliking him so strongly and honestly, I’m tired of it and it’s starting to get annoying.
My mom and I were chatting on the phone and the subject of Christmas and my sister’s dislike for my fiancé came up and I mentioned that since she hates him so much I wouldn’t want her at my wedding.
My mom thought I was taking it too far. But I see it as I wouldn’t want someone who hates me at our wedding, so why would I put my fiancé through having someone who hates him at our wedding?
My mom and dad think I’m overreacting, but I don’t think I am.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If your sister is normally an otherwise rational person with regard to relationships, I’d be asking what’s causing her to be irrational in this regard. Is there any chance your fiancé may have done something, inadvertently or not, to cause her dislike?
If she doesn’t come clean, you have nothing to go on, so NTJ.” BKStephens
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you need to have a conversation with her about what she expects. She is old enough that she needs to learn that putting up with people you dislike is part of being an adult.
She doesn’t have to like your fiancé but she has to be polite if she wants to be a part of family events. If she has a good reason to dislike him she should speak up before your wedding, or shut up about it forever.
Only a spoiled child expects everyone else to make their plans around her preferences.” sparkledotcom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I would tell your sister yourself. “Listen, I know you don’t like X, but I’m marrying him. He’s going to be at every birthday, every holiday, etc. When we have kids together, there will be even more events.
I don’t care if you don’t like him, but if you can’t be polite our relationship will be destroyed by this. You won’t be there for our wedding. You won’t be there to see our children. You won’t be there for my birthday or our anniversaries.
So, you need to decide if you dislike him more than you care about me, then tell me, so I can prepare myself mentally to have a very low contact relationship with you.” Tell her not to give you your answer yet, and to think about it.
If she says she can’t then let her know she isn’t welcome at the wedding.” crystallz2000
This is not your problem to fix; this is your parents' task. Y'all have pussyfooted around with drama queen long enough. Either she tells y'all a legitimate reason that she dislikes your fiance and y'all can work on defusing the situation, or she'll find herself left out of family gatherings until she can act like an adult and be personable and pleasant even if she doesn't like him. Personally, I'm convinced she doesn't dislike him at all; I think she has a huge crush on him and is jealous of you because you're marrying him, which is why she won't tell you what her problem is.
19. AITJ For Reporting Our Disabled Neighbor To The Landlord For Harassment?
“We’ve (25f & Husband 28m) lived in a small, secure, friendly building for 5 years, no problems.
Each floor has a main hall, with a laundry room & a studio apt. down a short perpendicular hall. There was an older man living in the studio who passed away; it rented again 8/1.
I met new tenants “Martin” (50s/m) & “Lucas” (severe cerebral palsy) (20s/m) on 8/2.
On 8/3 Lucas tried to quietly get into our apartment (trying the knob/pushing the door). I was scared, but assumed Lucas was just confused. But Lucas came back a lot.
Twice, Husband answered the door & offered help, but Lucas didn’t want him; he came with cash & ID in hand & was asking for me.
I told my Mom about Lucas. She was actually worried about him & talked to him on 9/3; he became amorous.
She was uncomfortable but handled it well. Lucas confirmed everything was okay/Martin is a trusted person. Mom & I went up to my apartment.
Minutes later, Lucas came to my door, knocking, ringing the doorbell, trying to get in. With Mom there, I opened it.
Lucas offered me $10, “I want to give this to you for services. I want to come in.” I declined.
Mom left, I called my Husband & told him what happened. While on the phone, Lucas came back again & tried to force his way in—aggressive pounding, twisting the handle, and jerking the door.
Husband (livid now) told me to lock myself in the closet, call the cops, & he was calling our landlord, who was out of office; Husband left a message reporting them.
I did hide but didn’t call the police because I don’t know these people.
I don’t know if there would be retaliation. Husband agreed that we should talk to Martin & Landlord first.
Husband got home around 12 am yesterday and was up late. At 3 am Lucas tried to get in again (as before). Husband opened the door & told him that if he ever comes to our door or near me again, he’s calling the police.
Husband also talked to Martin, who had no idea what’s been going on. Husband said he seemed apologetic & said he would try to do better.
The message Husband left for Landlord will get returned Tuesday. We’ll see what happens. Since 8/4, Lucas has come to the door 9 times & tried to get in 4.
For weeks I couldn’t do laundry or take out the trash because it’s all literally inches from their door; I couldn’t have the TV on or headphones in. Didn’t even shower for a week and a half because I didn’t want to be caught off guard.
I don’t want to get them kicked out, but this isn’t working. We may just move to another unit. I know Lucas couldn’t hurt us, I know he has lower cognitive ability, and I don’t want to make life harder for Martin.
They just got here and it’s likely just a rough adjustment period. But I don’t feel like we’re safe, and we pay a lot for peace of mind/secure building. Are we jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know what’s going on with Lucas, but a disability doesn’t excuse bad behavior.
You may want to have your husband talk to Martin again and see if Lucas has a case worker that he can call about this behavior. They maybe able to give him some kind of treatment or medication.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It may be sad for Lucas and Martin, but if they’re threatening you and your security, and even your daily life, if you feel scared and uncomfortable and unable to do the basic tasks because of Lucas, then they need to be reported. Maybe Lucas needs more help than everybody thought… Anyway, it’s not our place to judge him, but it’s your place to protect yourself.
Definitely NTJ and please be safe and sound and take care of yourself. Handicapped does not mean “has the right to push the limits.”” Ookomix
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cerebral palsy itself does not affect intelligence or emotional maturity. Do not let a disability cause you to let your guard down and minimize their ability.
This is why serial killers like Ted Bundy will fake a broken arm or something. It causes you to underestimate, empathize, and be more willing to put yourself in a vulnerable position making it easier for them to assault you. He & Martin need to stop harassing you.
Plain & simple, that’s what they are doing. They’ve tried to break into your home. This needs landlord & police involvement. After they are removed from the building, I’d request the landlord change locks on any exterior doors where tenants all have keys too.” Gimmecheesenow
And anyone who's wondering what "services" Lucas is asking for, needs to think about him offering money and his ID. Get the picture now? He's wanting to sleep with OP and proving he's old enough and has the money to pay for said "services". Still think Lucas doesn't know what he's doing?
Handicapped or not, Lucas is a predator. You are not safe in your own home. How many times does Lucas have to bang on your door in the wee hours before you realize what's going on?
Call the police, get a restraining order, and hire an attorney to make your landlord take action. One of his tenants is threatening another. He needs to address it.
Good luck, and for heaven's sake stop excusing Lucas AND Martin. Martin may be the worst offender here, because he knows his son/ward is a threat and isn't doing anything about it. Get a restraining order against both of them. Good luck, be alert, and stay safe.
18. AITJ For Feeling Overwhelmed By My Husband's Overbearing Family Staying With Us For 40 Days?
“My husband (31M) and I (31F) have been together for over 11 years and I’ve never got along with his family. Actually, they never liked me, even though I always tried to have a good relationship with them, but they are really overbearing.
If they are not together ALL THE TIME, that’s not ok for them.
In 2017 we moved to another country, let’s say we moved from Argentina to Italy. They thought it was my idea and that I took my husband away from them, but of course this was not the case.
It was a mutual decision. Now, almost 5 years later his whole family decided to “surprise” us and said they were all coming to Italy to spend the Holidays with us (40 days). Now in my small apartment, I’ve got 6 guests: my MIL, my two BILs, their wives + a baby + me and my husband.
8 people in total.
I decided to spend money renting a storage and turning this room I had into a bedroom so I could accommodate them better. I made several changes in order to make them feel more comfortable and welcome.
Now here comes the situation: first we all agreed that they would help us with the groceries, we cannot feed 8 people, but they’ve been buying simple things like eggs, crackers, etc. They don’t want to go with us to buy things together and split it.
We’ve been spending so much money and I don’t know if I’ll be able to make ends meet. My husband is the passive type, he wants to avoid the drama, but I suffer from severe anxiety, usually have panic attacks and on Monday I went to the ER because I had the worst anxiety crisis of my life.
I’ve been so overwhelmed and I just want it all to be over. My husband won’t handle the situation the way he is supposed to and that’s when I get anxious and have panic attacks.
I’m a teacher, that’s stressful enough, so when I come home I just want to take a shower and relax.
They have the house for themselves from 10 am to 8 pm, but they decide to take showers after I get home, so I have to wait for them all to be over so I can take a shower after a stressful day. Then, I go to bed at 10 pm cause I wake up really early to prepare work stuff, but they start Facetiming their friends and I can’t sleep because the noise is too loud.
They act as if they are in their own home and never ask me what bothers me or not.
I want people to feel welcome in my house, but can’t you just understand that I am not on vacation and I get tired after work?
I can’t go to my kitchen to prepare something for me or even for all of us because my overbearing MIL is already there cooking for everybody and she’s the only one who can cook, cause she can’t eat salty food (her words), she makes bland food and we all have to pretend it’s delicious.
I feel unwelcomed in my own home, they make sure I’m not their favorite person and my MIL plays the victim when I’m assertive in some way. If I ask them like to go to their room and Facetime from there, they have that terrible look on their faces, as if I was the bad guy.
I’m not feeling at home in my own home.
Today my MIL said she wants to leave our home because I’m too difficult. Is it my fault?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I wish you would have come here first. Your husband is standing by letting you take the brunt of this terrible treatment.
He needs to put on his big boy pants. He should have done it a long time ago. He should have made clear about when you moved except he let you take the blame and fault for it. On this trip they invited themselves. You don’t invite yourselves to someone’s small home for 40 freaking days!
That is outrageous! First of all when they just told you they were coming you should have looked up hotels and Airbnbs and sent them to your MIL. Your husband just stands by and allows this! Who does that! You don’t announce you are coming to someone’s home for 40 days!
If your MIL wants to leave let her! Tell your husband to grow up and stand up to his family and take care of this. You got so stressed you had to go to the hospital!! That is way over the top. Tell her she is welcome to go if that makes her happy.
Tell him today to take care of this.” mcmurrml
Another User Comments:
“The best way to handle this because it’s too much is to get up early, eat breakfast out somewhere, eat lunch out, eat dinner before you get home, don’t shop at all for food because they won’t help, and wear earplugs to bed. You have to separate yourself from toxic people like this.
Don’t tell them you already ate just say you’re not hungry. These people are horrible and I wouldn’t be able to take it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop buying groceries, eat out, or even store stuff at work if you can for breakfast and lunch.
When they ask where the food is, “oh I’ve been busy with work. Let me show you where the supermarket is so you can go buy some”. Communicate with your husband. Tell him he needs to put his foot down, it’s his family.
They can contribute to groceries and utilities if they are staying for over a month. This isn’t a trip to see the family this is them using you for free accommodation so they can have a cheap holiday. “Sorry, it appears the house is too small to house everyone and is impacting my daily and work routine, here are some cheaper hotel options.” At this point it doesn’t matter if you kick them out and stop giving them food.
They don’t like you anyway and that’s never changing.” Status-Pattern7539
Don5 buy them groceries... eat while your at work, tell hubby HE sorts HIS family and fast cos they have treated you like crap for the last time now
17. AITJ For Asking My Ex-Wife And Her Partner To Move Out After Five Months?
“My ex-wife moved several states away about a year and a half ago to live with her partner, leaving our son (7 then) with me, except for school breaks.
She couldn’t handle being away from him so after a year she and her partner made plans to move here last July.
A couple of months before then, my ex-wife called me sobbing saying that her partner’s new job fell through so they lost the rental house. She asked if she and her partner could stay with me for a month while he figured out a job.
No problem I told her, it’s what’s best for our son.
She said it would only be a month but I knew it’d be longer. Probably two, three max. But now it’s been almost five. Her partner found a good job 3-4 weeks ago but they’ve made no mention of looking for a place.
Lately I’ve been feeling a little tired from this living arrangement. I come home from work at 5 Mon-Fri and there are two other adults in my home. The weekends I have adults in my home all day. It’s a nice enough house but it’s only two bedrooms so someone is always right there with you.
Not to mention sharing the bathroom and kitchen.
Today I had a rough day at work and when I got home no one was there. So I took the opportunity to just lay on my couch in the dark and take in the silence. A couple of minutes later, in pops my ex and her partner carrying grocery bags and all of the lights come on.
I get up to get some quiet in my bedroom and then I hear my son and his younger friend making high-pitched screaming sounds while they rumbled around in the living room.
I went out and played with the kids a little bit then walked to the kitchen and started going over the current living situation.
I then went to my son’s room where my ex sleeps and told her something like: “Have you guys been looking for places to move into? I’m not trying to rush you out or anything, it’s just that this is starting to be a bit much.”
She looked stunned and asked for more time. I said it’s fine and just let me know. Then she left and talked with her partner in his car for a couple of hours. Later I let my son stay up a little later with me to play Madden since he’s on break and she didn’t like that at all.
Now a little while ago crossed paths in the living room. I stopped and told her that I wasn’t trying to push them out but she just walked off without a word.
I feel like a jerk, but I’m not sure if what I said was jerk-ish.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’ve gone above and beyond to help your ex and she needs to realize that 5 people living in a 2-bed house is too much, even without considering your former relationship. In the UK this would definitely be considered overcrowding.
Your son needs his own room – he shouldn’t be sharing with 2 adults. She might not want him to stay up playing games, but surely she and her partner are damaging his sleep every night that they don’t go to bed at the same time as him (and I’m sure she doesn’t).” gin_n_tonic_n_dog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds incredibly unhealthy for you, and sets up some unrealistic expectations for your son. Bet the partner is loving it, though, living off your kindness while being with your ex-wife under your roof. They’ve been here 5 months, give them 30 days to leave.
An even 6 months when they said they’d only be there one.” rexconroy
16. AITJ For Confronting My Partner About Her Obsession With Our Roomba?
“Two years ago on Black Friday my live-in partner bought a Roomba on sale.
She was really excited because we have a lot of pets and we did have to vacuum a lot. We still have to vacuum the furniture but the Roomba handles the floors. He’s on a strict routine she set up and gets every part of our apartment.
I definitely like the thing but my partner has become .. obsessed with it? She immediately gave him a name of an anime character, and she changed the language it says errors in to Japanese, which is kind of a pain in the backside because we never know what the error is.
She has just really personified this thing and when she brushes the dogs and cats once a week, she thoroughly cleans the Roomba with special tools she bought and everything. But the thing that made me feel weird is how she talks to it. She just coos to this Roomba all the time about what a good job he does and how much we love him, just like he’s a pet.
It’s weird to me.
This morning it kinda came to a head because as she was fixing the animals’ breakfasts before we went to work, she poured out some sprinkles on the floor and brought the Roomba to them, and sang happy birthday to it and made it suck them up.
I just watched this all from the table and when she was done, I gently said, do you think this is normal? She was confused so I was like, it’s just a Roomba. You are so extra with it and it’s kinda creepy. I have made comments before but she always said, it’s because I appreciate how hard he works/how much he helps us!
But feeding it sprinkles for me took it over the line of annoying to concerning. I told her I was kinda worried that she was obsessed with it and a little worried about her. She was not sure what to say, but we didn’t have a lot of time before we both went off to work.
I’ve tried texting her and she hasn’t responded, which she usually does because she walks to our apartment for her lunch break to let the pets out and stuff. I’m kind of worried that I hurt her feelings but I feel justified in bringing up the issue because I really don’t think this behavior is normal and I am honestly worried about her mental health because of this.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, how is this different from people who name their baby or car? We totally accept that as normal car culture behavior. Also, will she come clean my Roomba? It’s a darn mess.” lawbaker
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Out of all the things that could be wrong with a significant other – personifying a Roomba is very very VERY far down the list. When I was a kid and the bathroom sink tap used to leak out what looked to me like a tear, I would always gently wipe it away…” rustledust
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Have you ever had a problem with a tool/machine/electronics not working and started insulting it out of frustration? If we do it when we’re upset when a machine doesn’t work, why should it be a problem being happy with it?
Happy birthday Roomba!” ziaVirgi
15. AITJ For Not Letting My Kids Call Their Step-Grandparents 'Grandma' And 'Grandpa'?
“MIL married her current husband when my husband was 13. She did not have custody and my husband did not spend much time around them. When he did go to their house, he admits his stepdad was a really nice guy and tried to help him bond with MIL, took him on outings, and when his stepsiblings were home from college tried to treat my husband equally.
I don’t have an issue with SFIL. He seems like a very nice man, but when I got pregnant with my oldest (now 5) we decided that we didn’t want him to have a grandfather title, due to not having that type of relationship with him.
MIL was extremely offended and has declined to have any type of meaningful relationship with my children. I tried to explain that it wasn’t personal, the same rule applied to FIL’s wife and to my dad’s wife, and I just wasn’t comfortable, but she still holds it against us.
My kids call all of their step-grandparents by their first names. The issue is MIL’s husband has an Arabic name that they just cannot pronounce. I understand that it is not ok to not learn how to pronounce foreign names. I made the effort to practice his name, because I too found it hard to say, but they are 5 and 3 and they just cannot get it.
MIL tries to act like my kids are stupid, because she claims she could have said it at their age, but MIL’s first language was Arabic, of course she could say it. I have worked on it with my kids, but they just don’t get it and often only say the first syllable.
MIL’s husband once made a comment that it’s ok because they are so little, but he dislikes white people who cannot say his name, and he has men who work for him who still cannot say it and then wonder why he doesn’t promote them.
MIL reminded me that it was all my fault and if they called him a grandpa name this wouldn’t be happening.
Recently we had a family dinner at MIL’s parents’ house. Her parents were guilt-tripping her about being cheap and never buying anything for my kids (that did not come from me and I was mortified) but her parents have an issue with her husband lavishing gifts on his own grandchildren and her not being involved with my kids.
MIL said she wants nothing to do with us because she doesn’t like me or her son, and then she said my kids are kind of racist due to not being able to say her husband’s name.
I snapped at her that she is an idiot who clearly doesn’t understand how kids develop and that she is advertising that she did not raise her own kid, so maybe she should think before she talks.
MIL screamed at me for calling her an idiot, called me some names, and left. Her parents were kind of upset with me, because MIL dislikes them and getting her to even sit down for dinner is rare, but I feel I was defending my kids and it was justified.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. MIL for calling the kids kind of racist and that she wants nothing to do with her son or grandchildren. I don’t blame her for wanting nothing to do with you. Not being able to say SFIL’s name is small potatoes.
YTJ for the idiot comment and your weird rules on who they can call a grandma and grandpa are the problem. Your kids must be confused. They can call the bio grandparents grandma and grandpa but not their respective wives/husbands? Why not just have them say grandma/grandpa “name”?
That is what every single blended family (unless they did not get along at all) I have ever known does with grandparents that have remarried.” YosoySpartacus
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, because this isn’t really about the name. You decided that you didn’t want these people to be grandparents to your children, but you still want them to be their biggest fans.
They’re still expected to buy your kids gifts without being granted the title of grandparent. You couldn’t be bothered to stand up for your MIL and counter that it was your decision that your children not be treated like grandchildren, but you sure could yell at her after she deflected unwarranted criticism the best way she could.” glockpony
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I know it’s a personal choice, but why did you choose to not give grandparent names to not b***d-related people? From what you say, SFIL was a more present and dedicated person in your husband’s life than his mother was, and you describe him as a really nice person, but you chose to not give your children the opportunity to know him as grandpa yet call MIL grandma even though she seems like the worst option.
B***d isn’t everything, and this is a perfect example.” Slow-Bumblebee-8609
14. AITJ For Going Low Contact With My MIL After She Pierced My Daughter's Ears Without My Consent?
“My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for 6. A year before we married, while engaged, we had a daughter. She’s now 7. Because she was born before we were married, my MIL was upset about it, but got over it after we married.
Things have always been tense between me and MIL. My husband comes from an Italian family, and since I’m not Italian, I’m not up to her standards (her actual words, a month before we married.) She has constantly been controlling, and my husband has put her in her place before, but she quickly forgets and continues to be rude.
It came to a head Tuesday. She took our daughter for the day so they could hang out. When she comes home, my daughter is thrilled and so excited to show me she got her ears pierced.
I was and still am, upset.
My MIL said that while they were out at the mall, they passed by Claire’s and my daughter was begging to get it done, and my MIL “just couldn’t say no to her cute face!” She said that it wasn’t a big deal and that she “heard they were very sterile there.”
I told my daughter to go in the other room, and I told my MIL that this was the last straw and that I’m sick and tired of her acting like she’s my daughter’s parent when she is only her grandmother. I told her she had no right to get my daughter’s ears pierced and it was made even worse by doing it at Claire’s and not done somewhere professional.
MIL told me I was being dramatic, and that I should really be thankful that I didn’t have to sit through her crying.
I told her she needs to leave, and she got all huffy and said she would be talking to my husband about “this.”
As soon as she left, I called my husband, telling him what happened, and he didn’t see the issue beyond that we were going to wait until she was older to get it done.
I explained that it’s a violation of trust, and the fact that it wasn’t done professionally, and that his mother had the audacity to go and do something like that, which to me, is something a mom and daughter do.
I got my ears pierced with my mom, and I wanted to do it with my daughter!
After he got home, we talked some more, and I told him that I don’t feel comfortable with MIL’s behavior anymore. I’m sick of the snarky remarks and the belittling behavior, and the fact that she went behind our back to pierce our daughter’s ears, a permanent marking!
After he heard permanent, even though they can close over time, I think it kind of clicked more for him and he agreed that what she did was wrong.
I told him I don’t trust her and she isn’t taking our daughter anymore on Tuesday and she won’t have any unsupervised time without one of us present, and that she and I would be going low contact for now until (if) she can prove herself.
He is now mad about this, saying that’s not fair to his mom or our daughter and that they both need to be around family.
I disagree.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The thing is though kids are not dumb. Your daughter will pick up on the fact that grandma doesn’t like you and that can be a bad thing for you.
Also there is no such thing as “forgetting”. That’s just mil not respecting you as a mother and a parent. This will continue as long as your husband doesn’t put his foot down and put it down hard. If that means LC and supervised visits so be it.
Worst case you might think of divorce. Reason is can you honestly ever see your husband truly standing up to his mother to the point she will no longer disrespect you? If the answer is no you also have a husband problem as well.” Finalbladestyle
13. AITJ For Prioritizing My Job And Car Over A Reckless Motorcyclist's Wellbeing?
“I (28F) was driving to work today and had stopped at a red light when a guy on a motorcycle came and hit my car from behind. He never hit his brakes, he wasn’t wearing a helmet.
He fell off the motorcycle but he was up before I was even out of the car. I was pretty frustrated because not only did he cause damage to my car, but I was going to miss work because we had to wait for the insurance company to come and the police because that’s how it’s done here.
(Job was a two-hour gig that paid well, which I wasn’t going to get if I showed up late).
When I got out of the car a man and a woman who knew him had rushed to the site. He seemed ok with some minor scratches only.
I was frustrated so I told him without raising my voice “dude what the heck, why aren’t you being careful? I am going to miss my work after this”. The other two ganged up on me, telling me that I should be happy he wasn’t more hurt and his being ok is more important than my work.
I told them I obviously don’t wish for anyone’s harm but the accident was completely his fault and he put his own life in danger since he wasn’t wearing a helmet. So yes, at the moment I am more worried about my job and the car.
They called me a jerk, the guy as well, even though he knew and later admitted that the accident was completely his fault.
Later when I was telling some friends some said that I was a bit of a jerk and some sided with me.
I didn’t abandon him and even asked him if he wanted me to call an ambulance but he refused. But I still believe that his own choices put him at risk and I am obviously more concerned about the pay I missed plus the damages to my car than his wellbeing.
The whole thing took around an hour so yes, I missed my job and the money.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. This guy messed up and it ended up costing you. It’s mindboggling that he and his friend expect you to show more regard for his well-being than he did himself.
I hope you sue the pants off him, both for the damage to your car and the lost wages.” Libba_Loo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If this guy was hurt, I’m sure you wouldn’t have voiced any gripes you had about missing work. He wasn’t hurt though, he was just a scraped-up reckless jerk and you were well within your rights to let him know what an inconvenience he caused.” J0sey_W4les_23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ his choice to ride carelessly and with no helmet. His choices inconvenienced you and made you miss work, none of which was your fault. Had he been hurt more than obviously that may have changed my decision, but then you probably wouldn’t have said that under different circumstances.” DarkestFate
12. AITJ For Defending My Upbringing And Criticizing My Aunt's Parenting?
“So my (25f) partner (30m) and I were at my uncle’s house to celebrate my cousin’s birthday (18f) and his wife was on her usual nonsense, making underhanded comments which make people feel bad, usually materialistic things like “oh you’re too skinny” or “your eyebrows need to be shaped better”.
The conversation began with saying how I and my partner shouldn’t get married because it’s the worst thing to do. It moved on to us needing to take a proper trip together to know if we were compatible and we didn’t actually know each other (been together 5 years, have known each other for 7), just to name a few.
Then it escalated when my partner went to hold my hand and I pulled away. For context, when I’m in high anxiety situations I HATE being touched, I get panicky and can only focus on the fact that I’m being touched, my partner knows this and whispered asking if I was ok and needed some air.
Anyway she noticed and pounced. She asked what would happen when I had kids, and I couldn’t be so unaffectionate with them. To which both me and my partner answered we weren’t planning on kids.
This is where it got intense. She started making a big fuss about how of course I didn’t want children because in my childhood I was void of parents, as they were always working, and I didn’t know what that sort of love was because I had never seen it.
I told her politely that I never had a single want in my childhood, I got to grow up in a restaurant full of adults, was raised by EVERY member of my family and my grandmother never let me even feel the absence of my parents.
She told me that my parents made me the baggage of the family where I would be handed from one member to the next then either sleep at my grandma’s or be returned to my parents at 1-2 am. This hit me really hard because honestly, she made it seem like I was a burden, but before she had children she used to beg for me to be with her and sleep at hers, which I hated because she would dress me in all pink and constantly fuss over me.
My partner at this point was a bit surprised and asked if I wanted to go outside for some air and a break. I said yes. And as we got up she said to my partner not to be offended because my childhood trauma would always make me detached and I’d always have commitment issues.
I could no longer hold my tongue and I said “honestly instead of criticizing my parents who already hold crazy amounts of guilt for working as hard as they did, all to make a better life for us, maybe you should look at your own parenting and consider how all your materialistic criticizing impacts your own children.” My partner and I walked out and were about to leave when my cousin (18f) ran out after us laughing saying that her mum deserved that but that her mum was inside ranting about how disrespectful I was.
My cousin left with us, we had a coffee. Her mum was calling her nonstop to come back and for me to apologize.
Am I the jerk here and should I apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a total jerk. Who does she think she is to judge your upbringing or your parents?
It seems as though you seem to think your childhood was good and that is all that matters. She has some kind of messed up issues to make you feel like you were a burden. They say it takes a village to raise children and it seems like that’s exactly how it went for you.
Honestly it sounds awesome that you have some many memories with so many people who love you. DON’T apologize to that woman, she doesn’t deserve it. And please don’t let her vile works play in your head and make you think she was in any form right because she isn’t.” hbm32
Another User Comments:
“Lol, NTJ. If you keep prodding the bear, eventually you get the claws. And honestly, pretty scummy to criticize someone else’s parenting at a family gathering. I’m speaking about dear old Auntie here and not you. You were defending yourself. She doesn’t get a free pass because she was the host, it just makes her a bad host.” bisforbnaynay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Goodness, I dislike that aunt so much from this post, she deserved everything you said and more if you wanted it! She just can’t come here and attack you with stuff from the past and think you are not going to defend yourself, let me guess, she is single right?
Because I can’t imagine being with someone like that as a partner.” cerice2025
11. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Make Her Own Meals If She's Late For Dinner?
“I (15F) live with my mum and sisters. My mom has to work 12-hour days about 4 days a week.
Sometimes, she asks me to look after my two younger sisters (7 and 14 years.) I don’t have a problem with this. I don’t really have to look after them. All I have to do is cook lunch and dinner and make sure my 7-year-old is okay.
Usually, I make dinner at around 6-7 p.m. My 14-year-old sister usually has showers around 5 p.m. I thought it would be fine if I put dinner on at 6 but she took 3 hours in the bathroom. So by the time she got out her food was freezing cold.
She complained. This happened a few times so I decided I would make dinner a little earlier.
Today, I began making dinner at half 5 so it would be done at six. This is like an hour before I normally do but I didn’t realise she was in the bathroom.
Dinner was finished by 6 and she didn’t come out of the bathroom until 2 hours later. Her food was freezing cold again and she started complaining saying it wasn’t fair that everyone got warm meals and hers was cold.
I don’t make amazing meals, but I am absolutely terrible in the kitchen so it takes me quite a bit of time for me lol.
I told her that it is her fault as I always shout that ‘I’m going to start making dinner’ so that everyone upstairs and in the house knows. She said that I should cook dinner when she is out of the bathroom so we can all have warm meals.
But I told her that my youngest sister and I like to have dinner at our usual time. Since it’s not too late or too early.
She kept going on trying to argue. So I told her from now on she can cook her own darn meals and she seems even angrier with me.
It’s not like she can’t make her own meals. She can make easy meals or stick a pizza in the oven or something but she still seems mad.
I feel like a jerk. But I’m trying and she’s just complaining.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just fix dinner at 6 every day. Stay consistent with it. If your sister wants to take a 3-hour shower so be it. You don’t have to continuously adjust your schedule to accommodate her. She can either fix her own food, warm up what you cooked, or change the time she uses the shower.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe it’s time you have a talk with your mom about the division of work. At 14 surely she can do just as good of a job at cooking dinner as you do. Maybe she can cook on alternative days.” igotlostinhere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… You are a Rockstar! Ignore your sister’s complaints…if it wasn’t her dinner, it would be something else. Also, see if your 7-year-old sister wants to help… even if it’s setting the table or whatever. Your mom’s schedule isn’t likely going to change any time soon so you’d be doing your little sister a favor by showing her the ropes.” OhioGirl22
10. AITJ For Confronting My Aunt About Her Fat-Shaming My Cousin?
“I (16f) am pretty close with my cousin, Eva (12f.) Eva is about 4’11 and 110 pounds and my aunt is about 5’5 and 175 pounds. I only mention this because despite being a perfectly healthy weight, Eva’s family has been constantly fat-shaming her. Her dad tells her “Good morning Heifer.” And tells her stuff like “Make sure not to bend over in these pants, Eva.
You’ll burst a seam!” whenever we’re out clothes shopping or “You’re getting a salad” whenever we go out to eat somewhere. Her mother is even worse and has actually called Eva a “fatty” several times.
Eva acts nonchalant about it, but I can tell it’s been making her insecure.
Because now she hasn’t been touching the chips or other snacks her parents get her for school and eats way less. My aunt saw Eva getting a small bowl of grapes from the fridge and said “Oh look, piggie’s getting even more food.” Eva, with tears in her eyes, put the grapes back and ran into her room.
My parents came to pick me up because of a dentist appointment a minute later, so I could only text Eva to try and comfort her. She even texted me back asking how I stayed so thin and how she could be “beautiful like me.” I told her she was beautiful no matter what and her mom was being a jealous hater.
But I’m also insecure, so I know she probably doesn’t believe me anyway.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was when my aunt noticed Eva facetiming her friend, Lucy, on her iPad and said something like “Oh great, she’s calling Lucy.” I asked what was wrong with Lucy, and my aunt responded “Oh, Lucy’s real sweet and she’s a good influence to Eva, but she’s SOOO fat!
She could really be pretty if she lost a pound or fifty.” I snapped at my aunt that she ain’t a size two either and that she needs to stop acting like some high school mean girl towards Eva and to be her darn mother.
My aunt snapped back saying how dare I talk to her that way and go home. Didn’t need to tell me twice. I said bye to Eva, grabbed my stuff, and waited on the front porch until my mom came to pick me up.
When I got in the car, my mom said she agreed with me but that it wasn’t my place to interfere and I shouldn’t have said anything. She also told me not to tell anyone else about it because she’s worried that if CPS got called Eva would be thrown in a group home and things would be 100 times worse for her.
I realize it probably wasn’t my place to step in. And bringing up my aunt’s weight also made me a fat-shamer, but I still feel like it needed to be said. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Eva’s parents are emotionally mistreating her and bullying her through fat shaming.
But I doubt CPS would be terribly interested sadly. Keep supporting Eva and let her know she is gorgeous.” Keziah_70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And from now on when you see your aunt, call her “Piggie” and “Heifer,” since Eva’s parents seem to think those are terms of affection.
“What? But you call Eva that all the time. I thought those were endearments? You mean they’re not?” (But that’s just me. I’m a complete jerk when I encounter bullies.)” CrGrl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What Eva’s parents are doing is completely wrong.
Instead of shaming her weight, they should be encouraging a healthy lifestyle. Also, I feel confused about how they don’t realize they are the ones responsible for the kid’s weight – after all, they are the ones who buy the food and cook, they are the ones who should take kids to some sports practice or instill some healthy habits.
What are THEY doing to help Eva stay in shape? She’s barely 12.” No-Jellyfish-1208
9. AITJ For Not Returning My Ex's Furniture After They Told Me To Keep It?
“So, my (32) ex (32) broke up with me 4 years into our relationship pretty much out of the blue. During the relationship, they’d given me a lot of furniture they’d inherited recently so I could keep it until we eventually moved in together (we’d even been viewing properties together).
At the time of breaking up, my ex was living abroad temporarily for work although they still had a home in our same city. When they broke up with me, I explicitly asked when they intended to collect the furniture but they said I could just keep it.
When they were next in the country again a few months later, they came by my place to drop off clothes I still had at their place. Again they said I should just keep the furniture.
Since then, it’s been 2 years of no contact.
Now they’ve got in touch out of the blue to let me know they’re back in the country with a new place and would like to sort out getting the furniture back and I’m totally shocked.
At no point ever had they said I only had the furniture temporarily.
And to be frank, if that was the case, I’d have insisted they take it back at the time of break up as I’m not a storage service and I didn’t want anything to do with them again in the future. I’m sure I’m not remembering incorrectly because I simply would have insisted they take it all back then and there.
I’m torn because I like the furniture and it’s now been “mine” for years. I know they were inherited items so they may have emotional sentiments for my ex, but frankly I don’t care as my ex was so callous about my emotions at the time of break up and even in the lead-up to break up when they kept insisting I give up my life to go abroad with them (I held out and said no and they broke up with me not long after).
So, AITJ for ignoring his contact and keeping the furniture?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They said to keep it, it’s now yours. They don’t get to come back years later. Ignore the contact, or if they’re persistent, figure out what the “storage fees” are for the furniture and tell them you want to be paid for having stored it, since they were abroad.
If you have ANYTHING in writing (text, email) where they said to keep it, show that to them. Good luck, OP. People don’t get to use you then demand things back after years of NC.” Alarmed-Hamster-4047
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you were left to take care of the furniture for 2 years.
It’s yours now. If they cared that much about it, they should’ve made arrangements to move it elsewhere the minute you broke up. That wouldn’t even hold in court if they tried to sue you.” Nexus772B
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stay NC and ignore the message maybe they’ll assume you changed your number.
If you’re in the States most places will consider the furniture abandoned, you could have sold it and gotten new stuff in the 2ys since last contact. But don’t do it just to be petty for them breaking your heart, cause that would be a jerk move.” Mundane_Marsupial_61
8. AITJ For Being Upset With My Wife For Drinking At A Wedding While I Struggled With Our Baby?
“We recently took a 12-hour road trip with our 1-year-old daughter to go to my wife’s friend’s wedding.
Our daughter does not travel well and it’s always a nuclear meltdown.
Last night was her friend’s wedding and we had the plan to drop her off at 430 and when she gets nuclear I would pick her up.
We do wake windows with her and she typically does 2 naps a day, we haven’t sleep-trained her because my wife has bipolar 2/depression/anxiety and is deathly afraid of cortisol levels in the baby from prolonged crying, so our baby has to nurse herself to sleep every time.
I have tried so hard to put her down with all sorts of gimmicks and food but she will only take her mother.
So last night the baby and I went around and visited friends from 430 to about 745, which she has been up for over 6 hours, she naps every 4 hours or so and she starts melting down.
I text my wife and tell her she’s getting fussy and we’ll start out that way to pick her up. En route, baby falls asleep and I let her know, so she says we can make this her second nap (at 830ish) so I drive around aimlessly to let her sleep.
I eventually make it back to our Airbnb which is a 50 sq ft room with our baby and she is not having it. She is straight screaming and crying and I’m doing everything in my power to calm her. I tried feeding, TV, music, bopping, playing but she wants nothing till eventually she throws up from crying and hyperventilating so hard.
I tried calling my wife for over a half hour and she doesn’t respond, I tried calling the venue and nobody answers then I tried to call the after-party bar and get ahold of security and to get her to answer her phone, I messaged her friends to get her to answer her phone.
Eventually she calls me and I can tell by the way she’s talking she’s had too much to drink and she’s trying to question me about what I’ve done to calm her. I hear her friend in the background saying “you are allowed to be here and drink, he’ll just have to deal with it”.
At that point I hung up and was fuming, we are cosleeping in this bed with our daughter and don’t have the luxury of dropping our child off with our parents. It’s dangerous to be intoxicated and sleeping with a child and I know the CDC recommends 2 hours per standard drink before breastfeeding.
I felt completely dismissed by my wife and her friend.
I wanted her to come home and help soothe our high-needs baby at 930, she didn’t stumble in till after midnight.
My point is I understand it’s a wedding of your friend, but your responsibilities don’t stop and we barely slept last night because she kept waking up and screaming (my theory is poor letdown from drink consumption).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, baby’s needs should be first. I nursed both my kids but I’m not much of a drinker. But when I knew I’d be away from my kids we learned a few tricks with getting my kids to take bottles.
My mil was my babysitter and she could get my babies to take a bottle while they were having a sink bath. Also, my younger one would only take a bottle if it was slightly cooler than body temp because it was different enough. Maybe have your wife wear one of your shirts for a few days and you put that on when feeding the baby a bottle.
You tried your best and my heart breaks for your baby getting so worked up. I understand moms need breaks but not at the expense of the baby. I think y’all need to communicate better about expectations for events like this if there are any in the future.
Good luck!” Whole_Bug9752
Another User Comments:
“A mild ESH. Not specifically for this incident, but you are doing your child and yourselves no favors by allowing your child to remain this dependent on only one caregiver. At 1 year old, she’s presumably taking some food besides breastmilk – she will not starve if your wife’s not there, or if your wife doesn’t nurse her until morning.
With all compassion, I would recommend family counseling – it’s easy to get so wrapped up in a difficult situation that it’s hard to see a way forward, and sometimes an outside opinion is very helpful. Incidentally, pumping and dumping milk does not clear booze from breast milk.” ledasmom
7. AITJ For Not Inviting My Newly Discovered Son To My Wedding?
“I (34m) used to be in a relationship with “Sarah” (35f). We met in middle school, were together on/off in high school, and even talked about marriage in college. This all came to an end when I caught her being unfaithful with my roommate and we broke up.
It was really hard but it got worse when I found out that she was pregnant.
Immediately I sought her out to confront the possibility of her baby being mine and Sarah avoided me while sending her friends and new partner “Adam” (guy she was unfaithful with) after me to stop harassing her.
I reached out to her mom explicitly stating that I only wished to know if there was a chance that I was the father and after enough persistence Sarah contacted me directly, called me pathetic, that I wasn’t the father, and if I continued she would call the police.
Being a broke 19-year-old, I took her at her word and washed my hands of the situation and transferred to another college and moved on with my life.
Eventually I met my fiancée “Miranda” (29f) and we’ve been very happy together. We were supposed to get married but understandably that got pushed back.
Now that restrictions are loosening up we’re moving forward with the plans but have drastically cut down on the number of invites to abide by the venue’s safety policy. After completing the list and sending out the invitations I was recently contacted by “Kevin” (15m) claiming to be my son.
Obviously, I didn’t take him at his word and asked who his mom was and he said Sarah. I told him that before he was born his mom assured me that I wasn’t the father and asked him why he thought I was. Kevin explained that it came out that Sarah’s husband, Adam, wasn’t his bio dad, divorced her, and hasn’t spoken to Kevin in years.
I agreed to take a paternity test and was shocked that I was his dad. I was upset because I asked Sarah if there was any chance and she denied it. Miranda was surprised but also supportive and I’ve been speaking to Kevin regularly while also making plans to see him.
He saw on social media that Miranda and I were planning on getting married in the Spring and wanted to come. Unfortunately, everyone that we’ve already invited has all RSVP’d and made special accommodations to attend our child-free wedding. There’s no way Kevin can come without Miranda and me disinviting someone else, which we feel is rude.
I told Kevin that while I can’t invite him to the wedding I promise to put together another event so he can meet more people in my family. He seemed understanding but his maternal grandmother called me up to berate me for not making him a priority now that I’m aware of his existence.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told him the circumstances and he said he understood. The grandmother is not involved. I would seriously consider suing this kid’s mom if you have proof she lied to you. Holy cow.” quidyn
Another User Comments:
“Your son is fine with it.
His grandma is a jerk as is his mom. It’ll be too much social pressure for him. It’s best if you introduce him to your family in a less socially pressured situation. All the best. NTJ.” Cocoalover27
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You fathered this kid, you are not his father.
If you want to be his father and be in his life, that’s all well and good, but that’s not a switch that just gets turned on. Your plans were all set before you even knew he existed. You haven’t even met him in real life yet, and your wedding isn’t the place for that.
Build a relationship with this kid if that’s what you both want but don’t feel bad he’s not at your wedding.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Refusing To Speak Only English With My Italian Host Family?
“2 years ago, I went on an exchange year to Italy. For privacy reasons, I won’t say where I come from, but it is not an English-speaking country.
When I first arrived at my host family, I couldn’t speak much Italian, just a few words.
But since I was there to learn, I would force myself to speak as much as I could with my host family so that I could learn the language faster, but also since none of them spoke English.
I had two host siblings, that were 11 and 14.
I noticed that from the start, they were not very interested in me. I would try and talk to them in my broken Italian, but they would rarely speak to me, the only times they did was to say something like “dinner’s ready” or “mom’s in the car, let’s go”.
So I figured they were just not interested in me and kind of moved on and also only spoke to them when I had to. I didn’t want to force them to talk with me if they didn’t want to.
A few months passed and my host parents started to get annoyed at the fact that we didn’t speak to each other and demanded that from now on, I was only allowed to speak in English with them, so that my host siblings would at least learn some English from me, since she knew that I spoke it well even though it’s not my mother tongue.
I tried doing that, but after a few days of being the only person in the household to speak English, even though by now, I spoke perfect Italian, it felt kind of awkward. So for example, If I got asked “come stai? (how are you?)” I had to answer “I’m fine thanks”.
I didn’t understand why the entire family didn’t try to speak English with me together, or why they wanted me to speak in English and not my mother language. So after a few days, I stopped, since my host siblings were still not interested in me anyway.
My host mother contacted someone from the exchange agency that came to our house and they both kind of “ganged up” on me and said that I was being disrespectful towards my host family by not following their rules. They also implied that it was my fault that I had no relationship with my host siblings and that I should have tried harder.
I got calls from other employees of the exchange agency telling me to please just do what my host mom was telling me to and to not cause a scene.
A month and a half passed and I ended up getting moved to a new host family at the family’s wish.
I found that a bit hurtful since by then, I only had a week left before going back, and apparently they couldn’t stand me for another week.
I think a lot about this situation and if I should apologize to my former host family for causing an inconvenience, and probably not being the exchange student they wished for.
On the other hand, I don’t feel like I did anything wrong, since communicating goes both ways.
So please tell me if I was a jerk or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like the mother expected her kids to be super enthusiastic about you and gain something from this cultural exchange, she was upset they weren’t taking any interest, and she blamed you for that.
A kid on a cultural exchange is not a teacher or a tutor, you can’t expect them to engage kids that aren’t interested. Her trying to solve this problem by putting more rules on how you interacted was incredibly stupid. If she wanted her kids to benefit more from you being there, she could have had things like family game nights, or other bonding/communication activities.” Extension_Ad_972
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this kind of thing has always bugged me. I’m assuming you were there mainly to learn Italian? And it sounds like the host family decided to use you as a free English teacher.” Familiar-Meaning-954
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Specifics of the situation aside, some people just don’t get along.
It’s not the end of the world. If you have future contact with your host family, maybe bring it up, explain your side and then apologize, and follow any future rules they set. But I doubt you’ll need to have contact with them again if you don’t want to.
Don’t be so hard on yourself, OP!” SaffahDaniels
5. AITJ For Flipping Out On My Fiancée For Selling My Late Brother's Gaming Chair?
“I’m a 33-year-old man who lost my 27-year-old brother to cancer a couple of months ago. We were very close and had a lot in common. He was a gamer and had all types of gaming gear including a gaming chair that he wanted me to have before he passed away.
It’s devastating because we had really hoped and planned to spend Christmas together. This chair I consider special because it was my brother’s favorite of all gear and it reminds me of him whenever I sit in it (I don’t play anymore). It just brings me closer to him to a degree I can’t explain and it brings me so much comfort.
I keep the chair in my office and a few days ago I found out that my fiancee, who has been out of work and complaining about no longer being able to attend the gym, took the chair and sold it online to be able to pay for her next month’s gym membership.
When I found out I was extremely upset and had a very negative reaction. She told me that she was desperate for money and after selling all she had she had no choice but to sell the chair. I reminded her of who this chair belonged to but she said I already have tons of keepsakes from my brother and so I shouldn’t act like it was the end of the world.
She also vented about her past eating disorders and her anxiety when it comes to keeping fit and claimed I was dismissing that she is struggling.
I yelled at her and called her inconsiderate and selfish and told her she should have never ever taken and sold any of my stuff for a gym membership when she literally could have kept working out from home.
She started crying as we argued then she went to stay with her mom who tried to give me a stern talk about my attitude, but I didn’t respond and haven’t been talking to my fiancee since then. Things haven’t gotten better and I got called overdramatic for reacting and treating my fiancee like that over a gaming chair.
I feel guilty because I’ve never yelled at her in my life before.
AITJ? Was I too hard on her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Call the person who bought the chair and tell him that he’s bought stolen property. If your fiancee still refuses to do anything about getting it back then you may need to report it to the police as stolen and get it returned to you that way.
Your fiancee knew exactly what she was doing and has shown that she doesn’t care about your property, the meaning behind the gift of it, and who it belonged to. Your fiancee’s old enough to know that her actions can have consequences and she can now face them and too bad if her consequences are of the legal kind due to her theft.” G8RTOAD
Another User Comments:
“Run bro. You need to get out of there. Your partner is a narcissist and disregards your thoughts and feelings. A gym membership?? Really? Only way that would fly with me would be if she sold it for insulin or some other life-maintaining medication.
NTJ.” snakepeterman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! The chair was obviously super meaningful to you and for her to just sell it without your permission? Not okay! Also not sure where you live or any other factors that could explain why she’s not working, but where I’m living EVERYWHERE is hiring.
Literally everywhere. The fact that she took it to sell for a gym membership is out of control. I would have some serious reservations about marrying her if this is how she handles money.” sharpeea
4. AITJ For Not Naming My Baby After My Late Husband Despite Promising My MIL?
“I lost my husband due to a severe illness when I was about 3 months pregnant. Don’t let that affect your judgment against me though.
After he passed away, my MIL thought it would be a great idea to name the baby after him (if it was a boy), which I agreed with at the time because I was just so overwhelmed with emotion. She said it would be like he’s still there in a way.
When my son got here, even though I still wanted to honor him, I’m not so sure I wanted to name the baby after my husband. I feel like that’s just sticking to the past, and that my baby should be his own person. So I gave him a different name on his birth certificate.
When I made the announcement on social media that baby “Lucas” had arrived, I started getting confused comments from my MIL. She called me a few hours later, asking why I had broken the promise. I told her my reasoning, and that I just wanted to move on in a healthy way.
That I felt like calling my husband’s name when referring to my son would hurt me and make the process harder.
Now, she didn’t yell at me. But she did say how disrespectful it was to my husband to not include him in my son’s life in some way.
She also brought up the fact that I had not even told her or his extended family that I was changing my mind. I told her personally that I felt like I didn’t need to, as she was just my MIL, not my husband.
That’s when she raised her voice.
Said she had been waiting all this time to meet her grandson and now she doesn’t even want to see him. I said that was fine and hung up. I do feel bad that I didn’t honor the promise but I feel like I don’t owe her or anyone anything.
AITJ?
Again, please judge bluntly and honestly despite my loss.”
Another User Comments:
“Gentle ESH. Not for naming your son something different but for not reaching out to gently inform her you had changed your mind. Did you NEED to? No, but it would have been kind.
You lost your husband and your baby’s father…she lost her baby. I think a little kindness would’ve spared BOTH of you some stress and pain.” UWillFearMyLaserFace
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I am not going to call anyone a jerk here. I am so sorry for your loss though.
I will tell you that I think your MIL was wrong to try to influence your choice of name. And I think you were wrong not to let her know privately that you had changed your mind instead of letting her find out on social media.
I hope she will change her mind about meeting her grandson, and when she does I hope you will be kind. She loved her baby just like you love yours.” nannylive
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for telling her this by a social media post. What the heck?
I’m sorry for your loss. I’m also sorry for her loss — She also lost her son. Normally I would say no jerks here for a situation like this because everyone is mourning still but I think using social media to announce this was a bad move on your part.
This is the sort of thing you should have talked to her about via a phone call or in person, not just leave her blindsided when she’s also grieving.” simmiegirl
3. AITJ For Buying Counterfeit Detection Pens For My Workplace?
“I work as an office clerk in a small grocery chain. The store only has two full-time clerks, including me.
Only one part-time clerk. All of the office clerks/management handle funds all day. We are really good at being able to tell just by touch and vision alone when a bill is fake or not.
My job leaves me responsible for sending funds to the bank.
The BANK. If I sent a deposit of 1K and half ended up being really convincing fake bucks, that would be on me. Immediate termination.
I checked the company’s corporate policy on the requirement of fraudulent bill pens, and their use is left up to the store manager’s decision.
This is so weird to me, so I’ve asked many times for us to order counterfeit pens for our cashiers or at least our office for over six months.
With the holidays around the corner and a bunch of new cashiers who have no idea how to tell the difference, I’ve been extra concerned. Scammers and fake funds are practically guaranteed during that time of year.
I brought this up (again) and was met with a stern NO and the “They are too expensive, and the cashiers lose them,” excuse right away. That just doesn’t sit right with me, at all. I’ve been hounding my managers after every shift to ask if we can order some.
Always met with a no and stop-asking attitude.
Last week a different store less than a mile away from ours was hit with around $300 in fraudulent bills. They were able to prevent the purchase because the cashier used the pen on the bills.
I thought something like this would make my boss understand but nope.
Still wants to just train the cashiers to be able to feel/touch the difference instead. When I heard that I was so angry. I decided to just order pens myself, a whole expensive $12 for 12 pens. (Expensive? Really?)
I brought in the pens, tested them on a fake bill from a board game (lol) and it worked!
Wow! How useful! My boss caught wind of my new purchase and took me to the manager’s office as soon as I clocked out of my shift. She basically yelled at me for giving the cashiers “coloring markers” and suggested that the office clerks would be wasting time checking all the bills.
She also said she would not reimburse me. She went on about insubordination and how I was accusing my fellow office clerks of not doing a good job with the funds.
After she was done I just told her I never expected or asked to be reimbursed for the pens.
That I didn’t really care if she thought I went over her head about something that I find to be a basic good business practice. Left the conversation with “if you really think that providing the company with a tool that helps us not lose funds, then I don’t think I feel comfortable working here.”
I just walked out after that, and I’ve missed three calls with voicemails asking me to come back so we can work things out.
Buying the pens with my own funds was wrong but AITJ for talking to my boss like that over markers?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t really about markers, or how you talk to your boss. “If I sent a deposit of 1K and half ended up being really convincing fake bucks, that would be on me. Immediate termination.” It’s about your job trying to hold you accountable for something that’s entirely outside your control.” StAlvis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I learned early on in my career this little gem… Never allow any situation where you have all of the responsibility and none of the control. You are making perfect sense and your manager is nuts. Track and save every conversation you’ve had about this in case it blows up.” Lurker_the_Pip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Employment is at will. You were being thwarted from doing your job and taking the appropriate precautions. If the funds were fake, she would have blamed you. You are either responsible or not responsible.” CakeisaDie
2. AITJ For Leaving Class On Time To Avoid Being Late For Work?
“I am a 22-year-old college student.
I commute to my college, oh and it takes me 50 minutes to get there. My last class on Thursday ends at 1:00, and afterward I have to sprint to the parking garage that is 10 minutes across campus. Most of the time, I barely get to work on time.
I have already had a couple of warnings for being a couple of minutes late, and I’m afraid I will be fired if I’m late again.
Today in class, I noticed on my laptop that it was 1:02. Three others and I started to pack our stuff into our bags.
Jenna, my friend in the class, has another class she has to rush to to make in time, so she’s in the same boat as me.
As soon as I had put everything away, I looked up and my professor was staring daggers at me.
He said “don’t do that, class isn’t over yet”. I replied “it’s past one, I have to go.” He then shut off the projector and said “all right everyone, looks like you’ll have to figure this out on your own because apparently it’s one, class is over”.
I tried to say that I needed to leave for work or I would be late, but he just shut me down. He then started to go on about how disrespectful and rude I was, and that our generation had no respect.
What was I supposed to do?
Stay the extra six or seven minutes and be late to work, possibly risking the job I have to pay for my basic necessities? Jenna texted me and said “I’m so sorry he went off on you, everyone else was getting ready as well”.
That made me feel a little bit better, but I feel terrible that he stopped the lecture because of me so other people couldn’t get information. Was I being disrespectful? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I get that college isn’t like high school, in that it has bells or something to denote when 1 class ends and the next one begins, but your professor should be able to finish the class at the prescribed time.
That’s like, lesson 1 on classroom management. Students have other classes or responsibilities, and it’s possible that another class could be waiting for that room. He was already being disrespectful of everyone’s time, and then he doubled down by calling you out and making you the scapegoat of his bad management.
If he still had things he needed to discuss, he should have said, “okay, we’re at time. Can everyone stay over to keep going? If not, we’ll pick up next time.” It’s not difficult.” chiterkins
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The professor is the one who is disrespectful and rude.
So it’s okay for him to go over even though it means many students will be late for their next class? Is that professor allowed to call them disrespectful and rude as well? Send the professor an email explaining your work situation so that you can get through the semester without dreading every period.
Tuck this experience away for when it comes time for faculty review.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, though maybe apologize to him later for disrupting class so you two don’t have problems later. Maybe also mention that your work is right after class and you needed to leave at 1 sharp.
That way he can anticipate it the next time it happens. Not saying you were in the wrong, just saying that nobody wants a prof mad at them.” JanusIsBlue
1. AITJ For Demanding My Mom Display Photos Of My Wife At Her House?
“I got married 2 years ago to the love of my life. I feel like my mom doesn’t really like her, but the relationship is mostly ok. Honestly I have a feeling since I got married I’ve been left out of a lot of stuff, but the only one I can prove is my mom’s birthday trip.
To be clear no one is straight-up rude, but it is clear my mom and wife don’t vibe and the rest of the family seems meh about her, which does make me sad.
My mom has a wall with a lot of pictures on it.
There are plenty of pictures of my sister’s partner and there are pictures of extended family but not a single one of my wife. My mom has pictures of her, because some of these were taken at events we were at, but she just chooses the ones without my wife.
Honestly this is not something I would have picked up on, but my wife did and it bothered her. My wife’s family is HUGE on family, and while I don’t think my MIL loves me, she definitely includes me in everything.
I brought it up to my mom and she said she hadn’t noticed. I said I didn’t really believe her and she shrugged and said my wife isn’t her daughter.
I pointed out that my sister’s partner isn’t her son or my aunt’s husband isn’t her brother, but she has pictures of them. My mom said it was her house and the whole conversation is dumb. I said she can’t exclude the love of my life, and my mom said this is a really pathetic thing to care about and we are being weird.
My wife was upset and feels like it was a clear statement, so I told my mom she could either put up some pictures of my wife, or we wouldn’t be coming over. My mom said ok, don’t come over. That was probably 4-5 months ago.
I checked up about Christmas and asked if she had put up even one picture. My mom said no, she wasn’t going to, we can’t make her, and just don’t come to Christmas and see if she cares.
Well we won’t be going to Christmas, but my sister is super irritated at me and thinks I’m an entitled jerk and I heard my stepdad was making fun of us.
I don’t feel too bad because everything I’ve read online talks about you have to be a united front.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom doesn’t like your wife, unfortunately. However your mother does have a point, you can’t make her put up any photos.
Maybe go low/no contact with your mom, talk it over with your wife and see how she feels. It’s nice to see a husband with a backbone on this site.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your mom is a jerk because I believe in your gut feelings.
If she has something to say about your wife, she should just tell you. But you kinda are a jerk too because, even if you stood up for your spouse, you made it about telling her how she should be decorating her own house, and she’s right to stand her ground on this point.
My advice would be to call her again, not about decorating but about the true issue: why she seems to exclude your wife.” YokuHel
Another User Comments:
“This is one of those everyone’s a jerk here and also no jerks here as well. For the everyone’s a jerk here – your mom should have pictures of your wife up in her house but you shouldn’t demand that your mom put up pictures of your wife either.
For the no jerks here – I don’t blame you for sticking by your wife and honestly, it’s your Mom’s house, if she doesn’t like your wife and doesn’t want pictures of her up in her house, she’s entitled to have that opinion and decorate her house with only people she cares about.” DarkRogus
You rock.