People Step Away From The Drama In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
25. AITJ For Confronting My Stepson's Mother About Her Treatment Of Him?
“My stepson, 18 M, moved in with his dad and me about 4 ago.
Since living here he has come out of his shell. He joined a band, and art, hung out with friends, his grades improved, and he recently graduated high school.
That being said, since he has lived with us his mother has tried to make our lives unbearable.
Now she has moved on to tormenting her son (my stepson). Since the beginning of this year, she has blown things out of proportion.
It all started with his graduation invitations. I had 50 invitations made with his pictures on them (I also paid for them).
I had planned to send her 3 invitations, one for her, her parents, and her brother. But it wasn’t good enough and she threw a fit about it. I ended up sending her 5 invitations to do what she pleased with.
That also so wasn’t enough. Then after that, she decided she wasn’t going to come to the graduation. And she didn’t.
Since his graduation, she has hardly talked to him. He asked her for help with his health insurance ( he is on her insurance) and she ignored him or just said figure it out.
She refused to send him the card information.
She has also told him she wants him off her phone plan and to get his stuff out of her house. An important thing to know is his mother lives 17 hours from us.
His dad and I have offered to pay for a moving company and a storage unit among other things so that we could drive down when we could all get off work. But she has refused every option we have offered.
Now, my stepson has been extremely hurt by this and asked me to talk to his mother. So I did. I sent her a message saying that the way she is speaking and treating her son is affecting him mentally and that I am concerned about it.
She turned it in to me saying she is a bad parent. Which was not my intention. She asked how and I listed the things I said above. So am I the jerk for saying something?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you seem like a wonderful stepmom. Agree with other commenters, though, where’s the dad in this? He should be stepping up to her, he has legal rights and she can’t use the “step-parent” argument on him.
Where’s dad??” heather20202024
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and it’s pretty clear she IS a bad parent. 17 HOURS from you? Could your husband and stepson plan a trip (perhaps a flight) to that location, rent a truck for a day, and move his ‘stuff’ from her house into a storage unit?
Just show up and move it out?” omeomi24
24. AITJ For Prioritizing My Career Over Attending My Stepbrother's Wedding?
“I (24M) recently had a conversation with my dad, and I explained that I likely won’t be able to attend my stepbrother’s (26M) wedding. I’m currently transitioning out of the army and have been offered an opportunity—an internship perfectly aligned with my career goals.
This internship-to-hire promises industry certifications at no cost and provides an enter-level wage of $35/hr, well above the regional average. With certifications tailored for veterans and supported by my transferable experience, there’s potential for significant salary negotiation. This opportunity is especially crucial as my wife is currently in nursing school, which will continue for the next two years.
The conflict arose because the wedding dates coincide with my internship’s training schedule. When I explained this to my dad, he insisted that attending the wedding was non-negotiable, emphasizing the importance of family above all else. While I deeply respect his perspective, I noted that I live far from the rest of my family (15 hours) and lack a support system.
I need to secure a stable job and build a future for my wife and myself, particularly now that I am the sole earner.
Despite clarifying the legal obligations (the internship is my “place of duty,” and attendance is mandatory according to military regulations), my dad suggested I find a way to attend the wedding, even proposing I request leave from my superiors.
However, this may not be feasible due to the structured nature of the internship program. Unlike my siblings, I live independently and manage all my expenses, making decisions that significantly impact our future.
I firmly believe that my dad would understand the importance of this opportunity if he knew the specifics.
Unfortunately, my dad sees my absence as a failure to prioritize family over career ambitions.
While family is very important to me, I am the sole provider in our household, and I firmly believe my wife’s needs must take priority.
Securing a stable career and financial stability is crucial not only for my fulfillment but also for our shared future. I can see why I would be the jerk, placing my career over a wedding, but am I wrong to prioritize these responsibilities over attending my stepbrother’s wedding?
Minor edit: I meant to say that I’m sure that my dad would understand the importance. As for my stepbrother, he simply said, “If anything, you can cancel the internship.” While I know he didn’t mean it negatively, it shows me either the unwillingness or the incapability of my family to understand my priorities.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is an internship with *mandatory* attendance requirements. The fact that it also sets you and your family up for financial stability now and in the future is the icing on the cake for you skipping the wedding.
I’m not sure why your father feels his other son is more important than you.” Anxious-Routine-5526
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Prioritizing your career in this situation is prioritizing your family. This opportunity is critical to the success and stability of your family.
While I admit it sucks to miss a wedding, especially if you want to go, this is a sacrifice for your future. I believe that once you get married or enter into a partnership, that is the family unit that takes priority first. Your dad needs to understand that you are prioritizing your family, that dynamic has just changed and there is more than just his needs at stake.
Also as a parent of an active duty Marine, I’m amazed at your Dad’s ability to still not understand that the military is nothing if not inflexible.” Secret_Emu_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They don’t get it because they don’t want to.
They only care about themselves. But when the military says go, you go. They say jump, you jump. You aren’t married to your father or your stepbrother. You are married to your wife. Their future and financial stability are completely separate from yours.
Your wife’s on the other hand, does depend on you. I mean, she’s going into a career, but that takes time. Edit: Some of these comments clearly don’t understand how the military works. It’s not that easy. And besides, why is it ok for Non-Military Uncle Regular Billy Bob Joe to not come to a wedding because he couldn’t PTO approval for the weekend, or why is it ok for Step Brother Karvin to not come because he isn’t close to you, but somehow it’s not ok for you to not go because of the strict policies in place for military (not gonna lie, I don’t understand the military because I am not in it, but I do understand, it’s not as easy as regular nonmilitary think it is).” Moonydog55
23. AITJ For Wanting 30 Minutes Of Peace After Work Before Discussing Important Matters?
“I’m a 21(m) living with my 46-year-old mom and 16-year-old younger sister. I work a full-time job from 8-5 but I usually only get home around 6-6:30.
I work not only for my reasons but because my mom’s income isn’t enough for all three of us to live on. The actual problem is that I told my mom and sister that every day when I get home, I’d like to be left alone for 30 minutes straight after I get back from work to calm down and relax a bit.
I asked for this time because when I get back from work I’m usually just frustrated, and if I start discussing important matters like finances, weekend plans, etc. with them immediately when I step into the house I get really angry because I just need a moment to breathe.
This 30-minute rule doesn’t apply to all topics, I usually walk in, greet everyone ask them how was their day and leave for a bit, then come back and talk to them about everything in detail. However, I have communicated multiple times that the second I step foot into the door, I don’t want to hear about finances, school problems, etc. I’d just like some time to rest, but without fail they approach me every day with something along those lines and set me off.
Today, I greeted and the first question was finance related from my mom, so I told her “I tell you every day to give me 30 minutes of not asking anything important” instead she yelled back at me, “I can’t talk to you when you’re at work, I can’t talk to you after work, when am I supposed to talk to you?”
I completely ignored her and headed to my room, and she just yelled “Yeah I always get a door to the face”
Now AITJ for the way I behaved? Or is she just trying to guilt trip me into believing that what she’s doing is okay?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ reasonable boundary given you contribute to the home and you just need a moment to decompress. Explain to them that your answer to a finance question will be much more thought-out and you’ll be much more participatory after 30 minutes than right when you walk in the door.
Try asking ‘Do you want my ‘now’ answer or do you want my ’30 minutes from now’ answer? :)” Canadian_01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. We have a similar rule. No big conversations the second we walk into the house.
We both work hard, and each of our jobs has its challenges, not to mention driving around and through a fairly large city as our commute. Our routine is to get home, let out the dogs, change into more casual clothes, and chill out on social media for a few minutes.
THEN talk about our days. You’re just asking for a chance to breathe. “I can’t talk to you when you’re at work, I can’t talk to you after work, when am I supposed to talk to you?” 30 minutes after you get home, just like you asked her.
Don’t let her put this back on you. Use the timer on the stove to set a 30-minute grace period. Set it in front of her and your sibling(s). Get the point across. You’re a 21-year-old man, not an 11-year-old kid.
I hope you have an exit plan from the house soon. You can’t supplement your mom forever.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“I’m giving you a very logical response and many people probably won’t like it. You are 21, it seems like you outgrew your environment (mom and sister) you are not a kid anymore – It’s time for you to try and save some money and move out..
plus, in the meantime have a serious talk with them about it, sit them down and talk to them straight forward. I don’t know what to say other than that. If they don’t listen it’s time to listen to my first advice.” Ani_Kaheba101
22. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law To Stop Mooching Off My Brother?
“My sister-in-law (32f) came over to my(28f) house yesterday and while she was here she was texting with my brother. At one point she took her wedding ring off and said she “couldn’t do this anymore!”.
I, thinking it was something serious, asked if she was okay and if everything was alright.
She was upset because my brother wouldn’t take her to a place she wanted to go for their weekly date night, no monthly weekend vacations, not many just-because gifts, they split expenses, yada yada. She went on this whole spiel about how the creators she follows on TikTok are right that if he wanted to, he would.
This is where I might’ve started veering into jerk territory.
I’ve given my brother money for dates, gifts, and day trips before, but never asked why. Just figured I may be short on funds though AFAIK my brother makes about 61k a year.
Not amazing money but good for our area. I asked her what her income was, what their split was, does she paid for dates/gifts, and if dates/mini vacations are paid for from a joint account so I could help her think of a way to approach this with my brother.
Welp. She’s just started making 38k with the ability to earn up to 60k the longer she’s at her company and they have a 70/30 split. She never pays. I did the math and showed her the numbers. She’s contributing 949 to his 3558 but keeping 2217 to his 1525.
Monthly. I told her I’ve helped him pay for things for them before and it’s probably more that he can’t afford to pay than it is he doesn’t want to. She suggested she tell him to save more and at that point I told her “Or, you can pay for these nice dates, objects, and day trips you want since you’re keeping more of your monthly pay than him.
Or you two start paying for them from a joint account. Either way, stop mooching off him and having a hissy fit he isn’t spending money on you like you think he should.”
She got red and left. And forgot her ring.
I tried to message her about her ring on text and social media but she’s blocked me. So I have to ask if I was a jerk or not.”
Another User Comments:
“She is the jerk. Although there is a possibility that your brother might get upset, your points are valid, and the numbers don’t lie.
Hopefully, she will open her eyes and change that toxic behavior. Maybe even start taking him out on a date. That’ll be thanks to you. You’re a good sibling. They are lucky to have you.” United-Bank3572
Another User Comments:
“Very very mild YTJ for the “mooching” comment (they’re married! You literally can’t mooch from joint assets!), but broadly you’re fine here. You exposed her delusions as delusions and she’s got no one else to be angry at, so she’s shooting the messenger.
Not being able to afford the life you imagine for yourself on TikTok sucks, but that’s not your problem.” witty idiot
Pity these sets of idiots can't just pair off with each other and leave sensible people alone. NTJ.
21. AITJ For Not Taking My Baby To Visit Her Distant Grandfather?
“Me (28) and my partner (29M) have an almost 10mo daughter together.
A few years ago, my FIL was unfaithful to my MIL and left their family to live a few hours away.
He lives in a small bedsit on the opposite side of the country. We barely saw him and when he’d come down to visit, he’d not even bother letting my partner know he was in town, and just see the other kids.
My FIL is super self-centered, and believe he is right about everything. I rarely bother challenging him as I don’t like confrontation but my partner will and they fall out regularly (nothing ever serious which with time is forgotten).
Fast forward back to the present day and he has come to see his granddaughter twice, despite being in town multiple times to see his other kids and being in the city, which is en route through our town, to work every few weeks.
He fell out with my partner because he invited us to his flat when our baby was a newborn, and we said no as we didn’t want to drag her on a 4-5 hour round trip when she was so little.
Since then, we went to a Christmas family event he was at, and he spent the entire time in a different room and spent maybe 10 minutes total with our daughter (in a 4-hour visit).
He has since asked us again to go and see him and we’ve said no because he has put the bare minimum into getting to know his granddaughter by meeting her 3 times.
He sent a huge angry message saying if we wanted her to know him we should put the effort into going to see him. I disagree and think he should be the one coming to see us.
I feel bad always saying no to him inviting us to his but he’s so often nearby and doesn’t let us know, but wants us to regularly make very long trips to go sit in his (not very baby-friendly) flat.
We had been to see him there before our daughter was born, so have made the effort previously, despite him nearly ignoring my partner after moving away. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s right, at least for this circumstance, that if you want her to know him you’ll have to do the work.
Do you want that for her though? He doesn’t sound like a very nice man. You don’t need to do anything, but you do at least know the terms now.” G1rrAff3
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. “He sent a huge angry message saying if we wanted her to know him we should put the effort into going to see him.” After what I read, I don’t understand why anyone would want their child to know this man.
But that is beside the point. He has had opportunities to bond with your child, but he didn’t do it. He is also much more easily mobile than you are. He needs to make an effort to see his granddaughter. Is it possible he would rather just play the victim and pretend he wants to know the baby, than bond with her and get to know her?” Dittoheadforever
20. AITJ For Offending My Friend's Partner With A Misused Phrase?
“I (24M) was at my buddy’s house last weekend to watch a game we were both looking forward to seeing. My friends Olivia and JP were over, too, plus my friend Wade and his companion Kelsey. So seven people in total. We were just sitting on the couch eating wings I brought and waiting for the game to start.
Something you should know about me is I was raised by my grandma and she was one of those old ladies with a lot of funny expressions. One was saying “Don’t make a mountain out of a mole” when I was being over-dramatic.
This phrase is part of my regular speech because of her and I never thought it could be offensive.
Well, Kelsey was telling a story about how she was five minutes late to work and got a write-up.
She said she was worried about being fired as it was her second tardy. I told Kelsey her boss sounded like a jerk and to not worry about it, but she was still stressed. So I told her “Don’t make a mountain out of a mole.”
Unfortunately, Kelsey has two large moles on her face, one above her eyebrow and one on her jawline area. Wade jumped to his feet, thumping his chest and trying to get in my face about “body shaming his love.”
It took me a minute to figure out why they were upset, as I didn’t connect the saying to the fact that Kelsey has moles. It honestly didn’t even pass my radar.
I apologized and explained that it was a common phrase growing up with my grandma, and, I wasn’t trying to comment on her moles at all.
At this point, JP jumped in and said that the phrase is usually said as “Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.” I never heard that variation, but I googled it later and he’s right.
Anyway, Kelsey accepted my apology but the vibe was ruined. Most people left as soon as the game ended, and our group chat has been silent since. I’m worried they all made a new GC without me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you didn’t think about it. And you either heard it wrong or your grandma got it wrong. It’s a “mole hill”. If you’d stopped to think about it, you would have realized your expression didn’t make any sense at all!!
And by the way, all the time you’ve said it incorrectly, I think people have been kind to you and let you say it while rolling their eyes internally. Think before you speak.” dr_hits
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why are you calling it a ‘variation’? You googled it so you know there is no variation, just the correct phrase. Your title is intentionally misleading too. Given your general shiftiness I’m not surprised no one seemed convinced by your explanation.” klassobanieras
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, why are you naming all your friends like we know or care? Just say. I was at a buddy’s house with several friends. You lack awareness it seems. Between naming all your friends in a public post. Telling your friend her boss is a jerk for writing her up for being late multiple times, and not to worry about it.
Using a widely known phrase incorrectly, your entire life. And last but not least, using that phrase in the way you did, in front of someone you should expect to be upset by it. Blissfully unaware.” Mr-Skibz
19. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Stop Going Out With A Married Man?
“This reads like a guy leaving his wife cliche! My sister 50F is divorced and is seeing a well-heeled, married guy 49M who lives out of state. She travels to visit him about once per month and she does not want to need his resources.
He has come to visit her once. I never met him, saw him once.
The story is that his marriage has been over for a while and he’s waiting until his kids graduate high school in a couple of years before he and his wife split up.
He claims his wife “lives” in the basement of their large house and they co-parent their kids in the house. What kind of mess that must be. If true.
My sister had a physical relationship with him in the first several months and she stopped it until he got divorced, but the emotional part continues.
When I pressed her a little bit, she said he loves his house (excuse) and doesn’t want to sell it. They speak every day and every night and she says “I’ll wait for him.” Wtf!!!!
In my opinion, she is wasting her time with this guy and his story seems suspect.
And does she want to start a relationship this way even if he does sell his house and leave his wife? As bad as it might be, he’s not leaving his relationship, will never sell his house and when the kids leave, he’ll come up with some excuse as to why the timing isn’t right (and never will be).
I told her if she meant that much to him, he would get a divorce, sell the house, co-parent like normal divorced people, and be able to give her the kind of relationship she wants and deserves, albeit long distance.
I think she likes him living far away and embraces him being unavailable.
AITJ for telling her she should stop and that I don’t know who’s more screwed up: my sister, her “partner” or her partner’s kids…Or should I just stay out of it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t think you would be the jerk. Honestly, that story sounds fake (her partner’s) and if it wasn’t, it sounds alarming. This is not a good relationship, I wouldn’t go super harsh on her cause then she may not listen.
But I would try to advise her a little.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I had a similar discussion with a friend. She got the same ‘staying together for the kids’ and ‘my wife and I are roommates’ spiel from an old ex (went out in college, then again later but he was married at the time, which he neglected to tell her right away) who was trying to reconnect recently.
She had ghosted him when she decided she didn’t want to be involved with a married man. He’s calling her the love of his life. My counter was if she was the love of his life, wasn’t she worth being more than the side piece?
Plus, the kids are grown, and the guy is *still married* to the same woman! SMH The only time I’d believe the ‘we are divorced’ is if the guy’s wife said so.” Ryukai0424
Another User Comments:
“Even in the situations where it does “work out” at best, she’s wrecking a family.
My high school best friend’s parents split under similar circumstances. Dad had an emotional (probably off and on physical) affair with a woman but wanted to be around until the kids left for college. When the news broke it destroyed his kids and wife who was fully unsuspecting.
He just seemed really in his world with his hobbies and stuff but she didn’t even consider an affair to be a part of it. To this day (over a decade later) his kids and ex-wife have never really recovered. They don’t speak to him and it ultimately ruins the relationship with the mistress-turned-wife #2 because he resents her for the fact that his kids don’t want anything to do with him.
So no NTJ and if you think sharing this cautionary tale with her will help go ahead. What she’s doing is so selfish and cruel to people who eventually will have the world ripped to shreds if she does get what she’s hoping for.” VersionLate3119
18. AITJ For Confronting My Brother About His Behavior At Our Mom's Pool Party?
“My mom (61) has always thrown a lot of loud, raucous pool parties. Most summers she throws a party every other week but recently she allowed my brother (38) + his family (wife (40) and two kids ages 2 & 5) to move into her house.
Now, my mom is babysitting a lot and she is living by the schedule of a family with two young kids. So we have all spent less time together at her pool this year.
She decided she still wanted to throw her annual pool party and BBQ on the Fourth of July.
The party was scheduled to start at five but my wife (30) and I (31) planned to bring her cousin (25) and her cousin’s partner (27) to the pool at two so we could get some sun before the party started. I okayed this with my mom on the third.
My wife’s cousin arrived at the pool a little before we did and let herself through the gate and down to the pool in the backyard, as is the custom at my mom’s pool.
My brother’s wife came outside to tell my wife’s cousin she had arrived for the party three hours early and asked her to leave until the party’s scheduled start time.
So my guests are left standing on the edge of my mom’s pool while my brother calls me to say that he invited some special guests to arrive at 3:30. On the call, I ignore his request and arrive at the pool as I planned at two.
When I got to the pool my brother pulled me inside and told me I needed to check with him or his wife before I brought anyone to the pool.
Around three my mom came out to the pool and I was still steamed so I told her what my brother said and she reassured me that this was her house 100% and I could take my wife and her family swimming anytime.
My question is would I be a jerk for telling my brother how embarrassed I was by his behavior and requesting he have a talk with our mom about his authority at her house?”
Another User Comments:
“You need to nip this behavior in the bud quickly before he gets used to being head of your mother’s house.
You might also check in with your mother privately to make sure she is ok with all the changes around, she might feel overwhelmed and not feel able to say anything. NTJ” SadFlatworm1436
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but the talk needs to be with your Mom, not your brother.
It’s not his pool – it’s not your pool. It’s up to your mother to tell your bro what the pool rules are – who is welcome and who is not, etc. He knows he embarrassed you – he and his wife are claiming ownership of your mom’s place.
Your mother is the one who needs to set boundaries.” omeomi24
17. AITJ For Refusing To Shave My Mustache For My Sister's Wedding?
“(27m) To begin, my (24m) younger sibling and I used to grapple with our weight issues; we were quite out of shape and had reached a point where doctors were advising us to shed some pounds.
Therefore, we decided to relocate to a different state to fully commit ourselves to this goal with no distractions. Over the past three years, we have devoted ourselves to improving our health and fitness through boxing and calisthenics.
We have successfully shed weight and now feel healthier and more toned.
However, a problem arose when my sister got married yesterday, and my brother returned to our hometown for the occasion. Since we are not very active on social media, it came as a surprise to them to see us, as they had not seen us for almost three years.
My brother and I have thick-groomed mustaches and Afros reminiscent of Apollo Creed from the movie “Rocky,” a character who deeply inspired us during our boxing and fitness journey. Growing the mustache holds special significance for us, especially now that Carl Weathers, who portrayed Creed, has passed away.
My sister, disapproving of the mustaches, demanded that we shave them off before the wedding. Given the trauma she experienced in her previous relationship, where her past partner who had a mustache like us did unspeakable things to her, that I probably can’t say here.
I refused to shave my mustache. However, my younger brother complied, leading to an argument between us and the rest of the family. I yelled at my sister because I refused to shave, which nearly resulted in a physical altercation with her husband(we didn’t fight).
She said she didn’t want to look back at the wedding photos and see “ugly mustaches” and “You know how I feel about mustaches, you’re doing it on purpose!” I ended up leaving before the wedding even started. The whole family labeled me as the bad guy, but my facial hair has a special significance to me.
I can’t believe my brother shaved his. I don’t see why I’m being blamed.”
Another User Comments:
“I am sorry you all had a rough life. ESH You for fighting with your brother over his choice to shave his in honor of his sister’s request. That similar mustache is possibly a trigger for her trauma and since dealing with complicated matters doesn’t seem to be the normal approach here, it is not unexpected even if rude.
Right or wrong, dealing with that as an adult shouldn’t be a runaway approach or forcing others to change their image either. You are not wrong for not wanting to shave though.” lilies117
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for being upset with your brother.
That was his choice to make. I wonder if you think his choice means he doesn’t value your connection to each other. I think he’s able to still appreciate you and your journey together while still deciding supporting your sister is more important to him than his hair.
As for your sister, you admit she suffered something horrific. While I normally don’t agree with these types of requests I understand where hers is coming from. She doesn’t want to be reminded of her mistreatment during her wedding.
You could shave or not attend, but you can’t blame your brother for coming to a different decision than you would make.” EmpressJainaSolo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if only because you got mad at your brother for agreeing.
Shave the stache, don’t shave the stache. Whatever that’s your choice. You don’t want to shave but it triggers your sister so you leave. I disagree with choosing facial hair that easily grows back over family even if you dislike said family member (idk) but that’s just me.
However, you took your brother’s choice to support your sister personally and got heated over it when frankly it’s not your place to say. It’s HIS face and just like you get to decide what is done about your mustache he gets to decide what to do with his.
You’re not a jerk per se for choosing a mustache over your sister but it is certainly a CHOICE. And that’s coming from someone who has a strained relationship with their younger sister at best.” Crypticbeliever1
16. AITJ For Confronting My Sister About Her Negative Comments On My Parenting?
“We had a family gathering at my parent’s house for a small holiday and when we got there I went to do my youngest’s hair as it is curly (my husband is mixed and they got his hair texture) and my grandpa asked what I was doing, and my aunt made an insensitive joke that I ignored (which my husband thought was hilarious). I explained that I was spritzing water in their hair, using a bit of coconut oil to add moisture, and then combing through their curls(8mo).
My sister then walked through the room saying “Really she shouldn’t be doing anything to their hair because it’s a baby, it’s baby hair”, to which I said it’s perfectly fine.
Later on, we were outside and my oldest kiddo (4) picked up a big dirt clump and was about to throw it so I told him to put it down and not to throw it, he swung back so I grabbed his hand and shook it so he’d let go.
He did let go and dropped the clump of dirt. We were walking up a hill and my sister was at the top. after I shook the dirt out of his hand she said “That was aggressive” which I ignored until we walked up a bit further.
She repeated “aggressive” a little bit louder, which I also ignored, until we were standing right in front of her. She loudly said “So Aggressive ” while looking at us and so I turned to her and said “Why do you always have to find something negative to say about my parenting, why is that necessary?” (Now, admittedly I did raise my voice a bit at this time because I was so frustrated) she responded ” I wasn’t talking to YOU, I was talking to my partner”, to which I responded saying that it wasn’t the to that was the problem, it was the ABOUT.
And she got super angry and yelled at me saying that if I was going to be aggressive then I needed to just leave. (I want to be clear here that I really was not aggressive at all, and had not even yelled, I had just raised my voice a bit).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“There are so many racist dog whistles in here that I’m almost convinced it’s a joke post. Patronizing non-advice about how to handle nonwhite hair, comments about a young mixed (I presume?) boy being aggressive, comments about mixed-race parenting being “aggressive”, Jesus.
If this is indeed real, then no, obviously—NTJ.” aemondstareye
Another User Comments:
“It’s so nice when the trash takes themselves out. Let your sister block you. She’s just trying to get a rise out of you. When she finally deems you worthy of her being able to unblock you.
You should say oh wait. Did we not talk for all this time? I didn’t miss it at all. Can you block me again? NTJ” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, block your sister back and go no contact.
You called out her bullying, racist insinuations, and passive aggressiveness and she blocked you. She is being a bully and toxic. She has disrespected you more than once. Block her back if you can. She doesn’t get to dictate the terms of ever getting back into contact, you do.
As someone who has toxic family members too: it will hurt a bit at the start, but you will get used to it and only realize how toxic they were when you gain some distance. Low or no contact is self-care.” Fragrant-Donut2871
15. AITJ For Not Meeting My Partner's Extreme Cleanliness Standards?
“My (23F) partner (25M) is a clean freak (?) and he is always making fun of me or yelling at me.
Me and my partner started living together this month and I am having so many problems with his cleanliness.
I am generally a clean person but I do not make a habit of obsessing over it. Usually, I am the one cleaning the bathroom, the toilet seats, etc., or the floors and the carpet. I do these a few days a week.
I also unload the dishwasher load it back up and do the laundry (clean, hang, fold).
However, my partner wants the place to be spotless all the time, even when we are living in it. The biggest problem seems to be the kitchen.
I cook a few times a day and I usually wipe the counters before sitting down to eat so I do not set him off. However, I like to relax a bit too, and I do not want to deep clean the kitchen when I know I will be using it.
He has meal prep, so he never really uses the kitchen. But when he eats his meal prep, I usually put his dishes in for him or wipe off his mess if he needs to leave. I end up deep cleaning the kitchen spotless before I go to sleep every night.
He also always complains about my hair. We just got a new puppy and the puppy loves chewing on my hair, and of course, it pulls off some of my hair. Usually, I vacuum every day but because the puppy is scared, I do it a few times a week now.
I try to explain this to him, but he does not stop making fun of me about my dirtiness.
I tried to reason with him a few times and he admits that he is problematic about this but does not want to change.
This is his apartment, and even though for 2 years I was the one financially supporting him (paid for his food and necessities when he was in a bad spot) I feel unwelcomed and feel like I do not belong here.
What can I do in this situation? Am I the jerk for not adhering to his rules, or is he being unfair?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Honestly your partner sounds insufferable. You say you’re not as obsessed about cleaning yet you seem to clean more than him, and be more aware.
It almost seems like he wants the clean apartment but wants YOU to do the grunt work in keeping it clean while barely having to do anything. I know people suggest breaking up too easily but consider IMHO if this is a relationship you want to be in and how it benefits you.
Cause he seems like a jerk IMHO.” singyoulikeasong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My wife and I live very happily together with a simple rule: If you’re the one who’s bothered by it, you’re responsible for it. Period, no “trad” gender roles, no comparing salaries, just either get over yourself or take responsibility for the task.
I am very particular about the kitchen, so I cook the meals, wash the dishes, and buy the groceries. She has opinions about laundry, so she does that. And so on. It works very well, and we never, never fight about housework.” OptimalImagination80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There was a time when he could argue, “My apartment, my rules.” But it’s a living space he shares with his partner now. And unless you agreed to a specific set of rules before you moved in, then you guys need to balance both of your needs.
That means both of you will need to compromise, meaning you will have to clean more than you think should be necessary (which it sounds like you already do), and he will need to learn to accept that he may need to supplement your cleaning efforts by doing more cleaning himself if he needs it to be even cleaner than what you do.
IMO it is not reasonable for any living space to be “spotless all the time, even when we are living in it.” It should cleaned regularly (daily, weekly, monthly, depending on specifically which area we’re talking about). Depending on how picky he is about cleaning (and I’ll be honest, he doesn’t sound especially reasonable to me), it’s possible the 2 of you simply aren’t going to be compatible with living in the same space together.” gordonf23
14. AITJ For Insisting My Roommate Repay Her Debt Despite Her Mental Health Claims?
“I (28) got 2 new roommates last fall.
One of them, O (26) has struggled with rent and bills and I helped her out multiple times. In April, she fell for a scam and borrowed $700 from me, lost that, and then lost her job and couldn’t pay for rent-$850, so I covered that too.
My cat has a bad tooth and needs surgery so I texted her asking her to pay me back the rest by the end of the week ($750, she already paid the rent $ back), a deadline O herself set after pushing it back multiple times.
She said she couldn’t talk about the $ she owes me because she’s going through a lot and this conversation negatively impacted her mental health so she’s setting a boundary and will only speak about the $ if needed.
I kept pushing though and said I was the person who would determine if it was needed, not her.
She accused me of not respecting her boundaries or mental health and threatened to block me, to which I responded by saying I’d talk to her about $ whether she blocked me or not, pay me back by the deadline she set, and borrow it if need be.
AITJ for insisting on this conversation even after O set a boundary? 99% of the time I would never push a topic that harms someone’s mental health, and I also feel bad causing drama in the house and putting our 3rd roommate in the position of go-between since O now refuses to speak to me.
I also lost my dad recently and had a spiral because of Father’s Day, so this weekend I got into several conflicts where I was definitely in the wrong and have been on an apology tour (thankfully my friends are very understanding), so I feel unsure of whether this was another one of those situations in which I lost my cool even though I’m usually very even keel and drama free?”
Another User Comments:
“Of course NTJ. You need to ditch this roommate though. Either move out or see if you’re able to get her evicted. It is not up to you to fix her or her problems. You’ve shown compassion and financial support far above and beyond what most people would’ve offered. She’s a deadbeat and manipulative and is showing you her true colors.
Unless you plan on taking her to small claims court don’t ever plan on seeing any of the money she “borrowed” from you ever again. And sorry about your poor kitty!” ButterscotchLiving59
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she’s blowing you off because A) she doesn’t have the money and B) she doesn’t know where she is going to get this money.
Look, I understand hard times but you don’t borrow money if you don’t have the means to pay it back. Lesson learned – don’t lend money to people who don’t have a job. 9 out of 10 times you will not see that money again if you do.
Best of luck trying to get that money back in time for your cat (poor thing). I hope you’re able to take care of it without being paid back.” slap-a-frap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ seriously with the “mental health” absolute nonsense.
How does she think the cat feels? message me for great tips on breaking someone’s alleged most likely self-diagnosed mental and emotional boundaries. Want to make her cry silently alone in the dark, gotcha covered. Want to give her a permanent eye twitch, easy peasy.
Thousands of options in between (never underestimate the willingness of strangers to play along. That cat is more valid than your roommate. All my love, Prince of Passive-aggressive” UnlikelyAside9157
13. AITJ For Bringing Generic Whipped Topping Instead Of Cool Whip To A BBQ?
“Last weekend, my partner’s family hosted a BBQ. I was always raised to never show up anywhere empty-handed, so I asked my partner’s mom what I could bring. She asked that I grab the Cool Whip for a dessert she was making.
Easy enough. I figured it wouldn’t be hard to find, so, I decided to wait until morning of to grab it on my way there.
Well, I get to the store about 20 minutes before the BBQ starts and they’re somehow out of the name brand.
They did, however, have the store brand’s “whipped topping”. As I didn’t have time to go to another grocery store, I just bought the generic brand and headed off.
Upon arrival, I hand the bag to my partner’s mom.
She opens it, looks inside, and gets a weird look on her face. She asks where the Cool Whip is. I say the store was out, but this is pretty much the same thing, right? She looks a little irritated with me but just tells me to make myself at home.
As I’m putting my stuff down, I hear her asking her husband to run to the store and grab the Cool Whip. I can’t hear the entire conversation, but he must have asked if didn’t I bring it because I then heard her say “I asked for one thing and he couldn’t even deliver”.
Nothing else was said directly to me, but there were a few passive-aggressive remarks throughout the BBQ. Such as when her husband arrived, name brand in hand, calling him her “hero”. When the dessert was served, she again commented on how it was made with “real Cool Whip”.
I didn’t want to make a scene, so I took it on the chin.
When talking to my partner about it later, she said that her mom was overdramatic but I should’ve called her to ask if generic was okay.
Or I could’ve gone to a different store. I asked if there was a difference and she said she doesn’t know, but it was what I was asked to bring, so I should’ve communicated better.
Again, this all sounds so stupid but…am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My dad is one of those “generic bad name brand good” people. My mom and I simply save the name-brand containers clean them and replace them with the generic versions. Trust me, he hasn’t noticed. Also, anyone who is using Cool Whip versus making homemade whipped cream doesn’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to taste.
The disrespect she showed a guest was gross and I’d be avoiding being over there if you don’t have to.” seanthebean24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You all may not agree but the mom was extremely rude, imho. Instead of being grateful, she stabbed OP in the back by talking trash about it.
A gracious host is thankful, not condescending, making faces and talking crap. She’s the jerk. Your partner should have called her mom out about it, privately, of course. EDIT: Her mom should have served what you bought and I’m sure it would have tasted just fine.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. When you’re responsible for bringing something, don’t put off buying it until the absolute last possible second. The likelihood of coming up short is a lot higher when there’s no time to try again (whether that’s the next day or at a different store).
If getting the name brand was important to her, it would have been smart for her to say that. Her reaction to getting an alternative brand was over the top, especially when she didn’t tell you that getting the name brand is important.
The various whipped topping brands do have some slight variance in taste and feel (or at least, they do to folks with sensitive palates like me), but it’s not that big a difference.” KaliTheBlaze
12. AITJ For Refusing To Allow My Dad's Family To Place A Second Gravestone On His Plot?
“My father passed away in early 2020. He was in remission with cancer but a disease eventually shut down all of his organs.
I had to choose to take him off of a ventilator. None of his siblings contacted me at all while he was sick, nor afterward to see how I was or if I needed help, etc.
Well, they did contact me to ask if they could place the remains of his cremated older brother in the casket.
In the middle of funeral plans, writing an obituary, grieving, etc., I said yes. Looking back, I wish I would have said no.
His family has always been absolute jerks. My uncles (the ones who are still alive) made disgusting comments toward me when I was a preteen that I didn’t even really realize was so revolting until I was older.
I don’t want to get into it, but they treated me—and my dad at times—like crap. They’re all really only around when they want something. As an adult, I barely have contact with them.
They never mentioned wanting a second gravestone or including his name on my dad’s, but I heard that they were angry when we placed his gravestone and did not include his brother’s name on it. The idea of it seems weird to me.
It was our plot, our father, our gravestone. Our money paid for it. To be honest, I even kind of forgot my uncle was there too.
Now they are asking to place a secondary gravestone on the plot.
I’m thinking of telling them no. They didn’t offer to pay for the plot (which didn’t bother me until now) and didn’t mention wanting to do this back when they asked about placing my uncle there.
I don’t know, I don’t like the idea of visiting the cemetery and having a second stone. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ While my father’s ashes are interred in my mother’s casket, this was pre-planned during Dad’s final illness.
Both names are on the single headstone for the same reason. It’s rather common. Please note that no one was blindsided while in the middle of grieving with any unexpected requests. You were vulnerable, and quite frankly your “yes” was an understandable mistake.
Please don’t beat yourself up about that. They took advantage. You are now in a better emotional state, and you’re not allowing them to continue to take advantage. That’s your father’s place, not theirs.” WaywardHistorian667
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They took advantage of you in your time off grief. My mum’s paternal grandparents were buried twice as deep, allowing for the family to be buried in the same plot. My maternal grandparents divorced when mum was young, and when my granddad died, he was buried in the same plot as his parents, and there was a plaque added to the existing tombstone with his name, D.O.B, and date of death.
My paternal grandparents died almost 30 years apart, and when Nana died, I believe something similar was done when her ashes were interred with Granddad in his returned servicemen’s plot. Something similar might be worth considering, though I would tell your family that for this to happen, they need to pay for it, so the cost doesn’t fall on you.
I guess then you’ll see how serious they are about wanting your uncle named on the burial plot.” KiwiKittenNZ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Say no. The plot was meant for your Dad and your Dad alone. You did them a favor while they took advantage of a free option to get rid of your uncle’s remains.
I’d find a similar urn, fill it full of ashes, and say it’s Uncle such and such so he can get a plot and a headstone. Yep, cause that is about how uncaring your Dad’s family comes across.” Mindless_Behavior80
11. AITJ For Defending A Young Referee From A Rude Hockey Mom?
“For context, I’m (25M) a Junior A hockey official in Canada who helps the rookie officials in the minor hockey system at my local rink (unofficially. I don’t have any affiliation with the local hockey association)
During a U11 game, there was a rookie official (14M) working the game and a parent was unhappy about a call the ref had made (I’m assuming against her son) and she started to scream and swear at this young ref.
She was only a few seats away from me and I essentially told her,
“Quiet down, it’s a U11 game and these are children you’re screaming at. Show some respect, the game wouldn’t be happening without the refs.”
We went back and forth but it ended with her leaving the seating section on her own accord.
After the game, I was in the referee room going over the game and I heard a knock on the door, and when I opened it I was surprised to see the same woman looking back at me.
She started yelling at me that I shouldn’t have embarrassed her like that in front of the other parents on the team and that she’s allowed to yell at refs, her reasoning was “If they can’t take a couple of jeers then they shouldn’t be referees.”
I told her to go away.
She put in a complaint against me which didn’t go anywhere but some people I’ve told the story to have told me I should have been less abrasive towards the woman.
I get that referees are generally criticized by the crowd and other players and when I officiate I’m fine with it because at a higher level of hockey (or any sport for that matter), she’s correct in the fact we need to have thick skin.
However, I highly dislike seeing young officials quitting due to mistreatment from hockey coaches and parents.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your job to help the refs and you did the right thing by defending him.
I will say you really shouldn’t have sworn back at her and handled it a little more professionally, but whatever, she started it. I don’t know what kind of authority you have in the situation, but in most kids’ sports leagues in the US, parents doing stuff like that are removed from the premises.
“She started yelling at me that I shouldn’t have embarrassed her like that in front of the other parents on the team and that she’s allowed to yell at refs, which her reasoning was “If they can’t take a couple of jeers then they shouldn’t be referees.”” That’s hilarious and I wish you had it on video to show everyone in your league about what kind of parents should be banned.” zen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Also in Canada here and we as parents had to take a respect in sport class every 2 or 3 years while our kids were in minor hockey. It is a “don’t be a jerk and use some manners class” combined with a little mini “how to spot a concussion” lesson.
It is helpful and tames down the parents. If you scream at ref then they won’t want to be ref and your kids won’t be able to play games. My son was a baseball ref for 1 season when he was 13.
At a U9 rep tournament, he made a call and his parents lost it! They screamed at him. He quit and said the $25 he made wasn’t worth being treated like that. Parents – there are 2 ways to the beer league.
The expensive way (rep) and the cheap way (house). But your kid is going to the beer league regardless.” Itchy_Witch_Of_Magic
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Ex-Husband And His Family At My Second Child's Birth?
“I (20f) and my ex-husband (21m) were together for 4 years and got married last year but I ended it when I found out he was being unfaithful to me with another girl.
When I tried confronting him about it or mentioning marriage counseling to try to salvage it he mistreated me and said no. I mentioned it to his parents (we were living with them since my parents didn’t like my ex-husband) but they said I was overreacting and just said if I loved him it wouldn’t matter.
Within that time I was also pregnant with my first baby as well so when it came time to deliver, he showed up late because his mom wanted to see him as well, he didn’t want to stay at night when I needed him most, and believed because of his mom that milk was not enough to sustain a child and that I should be doing housework while also healing and taking care of the baby.
When I mentioned how I felt disrespected by both him and his mom he just insulted me.
Fast forward to now, I’m finally happy and I’m living with my parents and pregnant with my unexpected second child.
He has now changed from what he’s told me and now is asking if he and his family can be there for the delivery of the new baby. I told him “I don’t mind you being there while I deliver but you aren’t filling out any documents or staying other nights and I don’t feel comfortable with your family being there”.
This enraged him and got him asking why and what he and his family ever did to deserve that etc etc.
I know his family means no harm but I just don’t want his family around the newborn until I’m comfortable again and I don’t want my ex-husband filling out paperwork without my knowledge of it since that’s what happened with my first.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, whatever the circumstances, mom has 100% say over who is in the delivery room. I think it is extraordinarily generous of you to allow your ex to be in the room while the baby is born.
Personally, that would be a nonstarter for me. The fact that he’s insisting that his family be there as well (what??? WHAT?????), plus planning to pull shenanigans with the documents… he can just get lost. Please please tell the nurses at the hospital that you don’t want him or any of his silly family around, and tell them that you’ll let them know when the baby is born and the documents are all sorted out.” zen crate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Please go no contact as much as possible and get a restraining order. I’ll say it again and again until my last breath: indoctrination is child mistreatment. (Don’t come at me, I’m allowed my own opinions and I know you disagree.
I’ll tell you like I tell everyone else: Pray for me then.)” camellia710
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Care For My Severely Disabled Sister After Our Parents Pass?
“I (18M) have a disabled (9F) who quite frankly will never be able to be independent for herself
I don’t know the exact disabilities she has, but she has mental disabilities (at this age, she doesn’t know how to speak or go to the bathroom so she smears it all over herself or communicates in other ways that it isn’t via slapping or scratching) and she is also partially blind (not blind in the sense of total darkness.
She can see light, which her favorite kind of toy must have. That and music). She will probably never learn to talk
My parents (54 male and 44 female) will probably not pass away any day soon. At least I hope so desperately.
But, as this world is the biggest jerk ever conceived, the “what will happen IF we die?” talk has occurred a handful of times
We never had an actual talk about what I do with my sister, but when we did, I gently said that I didn’t want to take care of her, and while they didn’t say anything bad about what I wanted, they were obviously and rightfully concerned
It’s just that if a 9-year-old is already this mental health destroyer (she actively likes to break things, poop and smear it everywhere and even eat it and grab sharp items. You know she knows because she sings all day, but when she is doing something bad, she goes all quiet, and you have to run wherever she is), how can I possibly take care of an 18-year-old sister like that?
I’m from Spain, and the medical situation is already horrible, so I don’t know if medical care is even possible, not even mention the fact how much that will forever cost me every month
I just wanted a normal sister.
That’s all I have ever wanted since she was born
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk. Further, I have a cousin who is blind, deaf, and intellectually disabled. She lives in an assisted living home and thrives there.
The structure, the round-the-clock care, and the community this place provides her are wonderful and her life is better for it. She still has a strong and meaningful connection with our family. She attends family get-togethers. She spends many weekends with her mother and her extended family.
She is in her 60s now, and her mother is in her 80’s. Assisted living isn’t an all-or-nothing prospect. She lives a rich and rewarding life. She wasn’t abandoned by her family. She is living in a way that best meets her needs.
For many people, even the notion of assisted living feels like an abandonment or a failure. Nothing could be further from the truth.” Tacos-and-zonkeys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your parents can prepare for your sister to receive care outside the home. You don’t owe it to anyone to give up any portion of your life to care for her.
I highly recommend that you do what you can to figure out how to live independently from your family. Could you meet me away and live with other family or friends while working or studying? Or could you move away if you joined the military? Consider your options that would allow you to move away.” Teresa’s
Another User Comments:
“Oh, sweetheart. First, here’s an internet hug from an online Mama. Now. I’m going to gently say No jerks here. Your parents are of course going to love and worry about your sister and be afraid of what will happen to her when they’re gone: especially if care in your country isn’t that great for folks with disabilities.
But the burden of care, while it would be nice if you took it on, shouldn’t simply be expected of you. Caring for a sibling who will never be able to live independently is a heavy, heavy burden, and you are well within your rights to say no. I would recommend you sit down with your parents and ask them to listen to you before they speak and tell them how you feel.
Be polite. Be kind. Be compassionate. She is their child and I’m sure this is painful for them. But you’re their child too, and you deserve all that in return just as much as your sister. If you are certain you will never want to care for her, tell them now to start making provisions: funds for her care, guardianship appointees, and things like that.
Best of luck, honey.” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Introducing My Dad's Daughter As My Half-Sister Instead Of Just Sister?
“I (14f) live with my parents and twin brother Tom. Our dad has a half-sister Liz (17f) with his former partner and before 2023 she lived 5 hours away with her mom and only spent the holidays with us. Her mom married and moved to another country in late 2023 so Liz came to live with us full-time.
She got along OK with everyone but mostly did her things and didn’t hang out with us much. She’s an average student with no particular interest in extracurricular activities.
Tom and I are busy with many things: a varsity sport a chess club for him and a language club for me.
We are also very active at our local youth center and know just about everyone in our community.
Our dad would like us to introduce Liz around and show her some activities in case she finds herself interested in any.
Tom and I did take her with us when we did our things and we introduced her to everyone as “my half-sister Liz.” Liz recently joined our school’s photography club and now has several friends.
Our dad sat Tom and me down a few days ago and told us we should have just introduced Liz as our sister and not half-sister.
He said he has been getting lots of questions from people in the community and it could have been avoided if we just introduced her as our sister. He said us purposefully calling Liz our half-sister made her stand out as not fully part of our family and we didn’t want to send out that message.
Tom and I thought it was nonsense—these people have been around our whole lives and know us. Of course, they are going to ask about a new face. Us calling Liz our sister or half-sister will make no difference whatsoever.
We promise to just introduce her as our sister from now on but wonder are we jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You were not wrong for calling Liz what she is, your half-sister, but your dad is also not wrong for wanting to include her in your family completely.
I think you’re doing right by planning to call her your sister from now on. Best of luck to your family!” BBQQuails
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When I saw the title, I assumed you were repeatedly referring to her as your half-sister and it was upsetting her.
But simply introducing a half-sibling as a half-sibling is a pretty normal thing to do, and it doesn’t seem like she was bothered by it.” TheLobsterCopter5000
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Many of us here, I’m sure, have been raised with some rules that don’t make any sense but we had to do it because we’re the kids, they’re the adults!
I can see both sides, tbh. But if it makes anyone uncomfortable then it shouldn’t be forced. Ask “Liz” what she wants to be called when introducing her. I think it’s of the utmost importance to make her feel welcome, in your family, in school, and in extracurricular activities.
Try to imagine being uprooted from everything and having to live with people she only saw during the holidays PLUS go to a new school.” LoveBeach8
7. AITJ For Leaving My Dad's House Without Telling Him After He Locked Me Out?
“I’m 15/F. My parents are divorced and I live with my mom and usually, I don’t even see my dad a lot. But right now I’m staying at my dad’s house because my mom is in another town dealing with an emergency that my grandparents are having.
Two nights ago my dad and I got into a bad argument so I left his house to go for a walk. He did tell me not to go but I was too mad at him to be able to be around him.
When I came back my dad locked me out of the house and wouldn’t let me come back in. So I called my uncle because he lives close by and asked him if he could come to pick me up and he did.
I didn’t text or call my dad or anything to tell him that I was getting picked up by my uncle and he didn’t know that I went anywhere. But later my uncle called my dad to come get me and when my dad got there we got into another argument about how I should’ve told him where I was going.
I think that I have the right not to tell him because if he cares where I am he shouldn’t lock me out. He didn’t even know I was gone until my uncle called him so obviously he doesn’t care.
But what my dad said is that I put my uncle in a bad position by not giving him or my dad all the information, because what if he had called the cops and my uncle had gotten in trouble for it looking like he kidnapped me, because it would’ve looked like he was lying.
After all, if they asked him he would’ve said that he picked me up since my dad wasn’t home.
I didn’t think about getting my uncle in trouble and I would feel bad about that happening so was I wrong here?
I asked my friends what they think and most of them said my dad is wrong but a couple of them said that I should’ve at least sent him a text.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Seriously, your dad is trying to blame everyone but himself.
Your dad did know you were gone or at least should have reasonably known since he told you not to leave. He locked the door without checking on you and never bothered to see if you were okay after the argument or anything like that.
So, why in the world would he call the police, then the police assume your uncle kidnapped you? Then the police are going to accuse your uncle of lying? Is this before or after the lie detector test, under the big yellow light?
What kind of bad TV show writing is this? Your dad has lost his ever-loving mind.” Beautiful-Report58
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. you got in a fight and left to cool off. he knew you were leaving and purposely locked the door, and then he wouldn’t let you back in.
“If he cares where I am he shouldn’t lock me out. He didn’t even know I was gone until my uncle called him.” This is why it doesn’t matter if you didn’t tell him where you were going.
I hope you can go back to your mom’s soon. and tell her about all this, because if I were your mom, I wouldn’t want you to go back there ever again. Edited to add: your dad is using the kidnapping story to scare and manipulate you.
the police would have questioned both you and your uncle, and your stories would have matched, and no one would have gotten in trouble. sorry but your dad’s a real piece of work.” AcadiaRealistic2090
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here.
You and your dad have some unresolved issues. I get that it’s going to cause some disagreements sometimes but you both handled things wrong and put your uncle in the middle of it. If you needed time out of the house or away from your dad why not ask him to allow you to spend an hour or so at your uncle’s (another relative’s or a friend’s) house rather than going when your dad told you not to?
Your dad should have not locked you out of the house. That was wrong on so many counts. Maybe when your mom comes back you speak with her regarding not staying with your dad if there’s a need for her to be out of town again if the two of you are prone to arguments and the relationship is not what it should be?” moew4974
6. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Brother After He Insulted Me About My Weight?
“A little bit of a background story; me, 21f, am overweight and never had a partner.
I visited my family last weekend and my sister told me when I was away at uni, my brother (14) told her that I would never have a chance to get married, that I’m so heavy that no one will ever like me.
I was sad but surprisingly not furious. I sat on the couch for a few hours and didn’t utter a single word. Later my brother asked me to help him with his homework. I looked at him and said in a sarcastic tone ‘Why don’t you ask someone who has a chance to get married for help?
I don’t think an unlikable person could help you with anything’ He then obviously knew what I was referring to. He ran to Mum and said I didn’t help him.
My mum came out of her room, barged into the living room, and yelled at me ‘I paid for your college, I paid everything for you and that’s how you repay me?
You wouldn’t even help your brother? You are selfish and you won’t even help your family ’
I yelled back at her and told her what happened.
She then yelled back’ And? Was he wrong? You cannot silence everyone in this world.
You can threaten your brother but that doesn’t change the fact that you are heavy and unattractive. And now you are selfish. No one will ever love you and marry you.’
I then just cried and left my house and went back to my dorm.
Haven’t contacted my parents ever since.
My mum texted me that she was very disappointed in me because as the eldest sister, I should help my brother and she was already very stressed after work, she doesn’t need these kinds of nonsense around the house.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Very abusive mom, and no wonder your brother talks that way to you if mom is the example. If you rely on your mom, I’d say just get by. Tell her whatever things she wants until you are independent financially.
If you think you can improve your relationship with your brother, you should. He is parroting your mom, so don’t get too mad at him. He was wrong to say those things, but he may not be unredeemable.
Mom is a lost cause. Take her money if you can and give yourself the best foot forward you can. Also, men love women of all sizes and styles. Don’t let them discourage you. College is a great way to meet a partner.
Don’t let it pass you by. Good luck.” Gentle_Genie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if it is 100% true that you are hopelessly overweight, he’s your brother. He should never speak so terribly of you. If you can’t count on loyalty and compassion from your flesh and blood you are playing the game of life on hard mode.
Hard truths should be shared among family and close friends in confidence and face-to-face. Your brother and your mother should both know better. You’re entitled to take some time away from your family but I would caution you against holding a permanent grudge.
Doing so will only harm you in the long run.” Thedudeabides470
Another User Comments:
“Babe, let’s talk. Let’s start to put the notion that only beautiful people deserve love, happiness, and meaningful relationships to rest, that’s not how it works.
Being beautiful helps with finding people, to attracting them, but love and relationships don’t last on that premise alone. Being a good person, having a good personality, and education are factors in that. Now about being unattractive and heavy, try to start to change the way you perceive yourself, how?
Distancing yourself from people who think that it’s ok to call others heavy and unattractive, or who think that they are justified in doing so, or even worse that by doing so they’re doing you a favor.
No amount of stress, guilt-tripping, or “but I’m your mother” will make a wrong thing turn into a right one. Wrong is still wrong. Last thing baby girl, when you’ll get free from all that negativity, work on yourself, become the best version of you that you can, for yourself, because you deserve it and you’re worth it.” Catarina
5. AITJ For Including My Ex's Mother In My Child's Life?
“For starters, my ex and I are divorced and have one child. My ex has cut all ties with their families for reasons that they believe are more important than anyone else’s relationship with that family.
That’s fine for my ex, however, my exes mother has been a wonderful person and I have been trying to maintain a good relationship so that my child has extended family and healthy relationships with people as he ages.
When we were married my ex threatened to take my child out of the States and the country if I took him to meet my family or my ex’s family. My ex was incredibly controlling and did not want me to have a relationship with anyone outside of our marriage.
Once the divorce was finalized I decided that it was my choice to include my family in my child’s life. I did not want to deprive my child of a happy childhood and positive experiences that he may be able to have with extended family including my ex’s mother.
I have kept it very minimal because my ex has been adamant about my child not having a relationship with my ex’s mother.
My ex invaded my privacy one day and went through my phone and messages and read every message between the ex-mother-in-law and me.
My ex confronted me about it and I informed my ex that yes, I was letting her (the mum) have a relationship with my child. I told my ex that it was my choice on my time with the child to visit extended family.
My ex was mad and had not seen the child since this happened. I was also equally mad because regardless of the divorce that states that my ex has no way to control me anymore- my ex invaded my privacy and is attempting to control me once more.
AITJ for including my exes mother in my child’s life?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex sounds a lot like my mom; a lesbian with borderline personality disorder who never felt supported by her parents. My grandparents weren’t very good parents to my mom, but they were incredible grandparents who provided love stability, and a sense of normalcy in my chaotic world as a small child.
My mom couldn’t allow that, so she cut contact with them when I was 13. I’m 45 now, and I’m in NC with my mom (for many reasons). I’ll never forgive her for interfering with those relationships and taking away two people who loved me when I needed it.
Just because your ex didn’t get what she needed from their mom doesn’t mean your child won’t.” sophie_sass
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you have a custody agreement, feel free to ignore his rants and enjoy time with your former MIL.
When you aren’t married anymore you don’t have to feel boxed in by those demands. Did he go through your phone? Stop dealing with him for non-essentials. You aren’t property. You’re just his ex. You don’t owe him an explanation or any access to your privacy.
I’d get a new phone and never share a plan with him if he can’t stay in his lane.” AndSoItGoes24
4. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Germaphobe Flatmate Inspect My Room?
“I (21M) have a flatmate (23M) who’s a hardcore germaphobe. I try to put up with most of his rules to ease his phobia but sometimes it’s just too much.
Some of his rules are understandable (like washing your hands as soon as you get home from somewhere or if you’re about to cook, having inside and outside clothes…) but others look straight up unreasonable to me (like cleaning the toilet every time you use it or using a cleaning wipe on your phone at least twice a day).
Given how strict his rules are, I definitely would’ve found another place to live if I could afford it. However, since it’s not an option, I simply stay in my room as much as possible.
Yesterday, he tried to tell me another rule he wants me to respect, which is having him inspect my room once a week to ensure it was clean and I put my dirty clothes in a plastic basket and not on the floor.
I told him there was no way I would allow that, as I think this is the only room he shouldn’t have a say in. I let him have control over the rest of the place but I need my safe space to be untouched.
Saying that he’s not happy about it would be an understatement. Fearing that he’d try to get in my room without my consent, I’ve just installed a lock on my door. He’s saying that I know that he’s a germaphobe and I do nothing to help with it.
I don’t see how him invading my privacy would help his germaphobia, but maybe there’s something I don’t see here. So, AITJ for not respecting ALL of his rules?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He needs to find a therapist. It wouldn’t help if you go along with his ever-increasing demands.
Those would all be coping mechanisms and stop working pretty quickly. Next thing he wants you to wash your clothes every day, disinfect all the surfaces in your room every day, etc. There is no end to that.
Do not go along with it. Good on you for installing a lock. I would even say that going along with wiping off your phone twice a day is excessive. (I do agree with washing your hands when you come home from having spent time in public, and of course, washing hands after using the toilet and washing hands immediately before preparing food are all good hygiene practices.
I don’t think you should have to fully clean the entire toilet after every use, although using the brush after number 2 is always polite.) Is he the owner of the place or are you both equal tenants? Might be time to talk to your landlord about this.
It is not reasonable of him to make such demands as long as your room isn’t growing mold on things and there’s no smell coming from your room etc. It’s unreasonable if he wants to inspect your room.
If he has genuine concerns about your hygiene in your room, he can take that up with the landlord. I would pre-empt this by calling the landlord yourself IF your housemate keeps wanting to control you.” almalauha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I empathize with you as I have a similar problem with a roommate. You’ve already gone way out of your way to be supportive and understanding and kudos to you for that! But you still need to set boundaries because, for people like this, nothing you do will EVER be enough.
It’s a no-win situation. There will always be more ways that you are “trying to kill them” basically. I think you’ve chosen a great place to draw the line. At your bedroom door. The lock was a great measure to enforce your boundaries.
I hope he can recover from this and it doesn’t permanently affect your relationship, but if it does, there was nothing you could’ve done better.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one gets to inspect your room once a week or demand you wipe your cell phone down every time you look at it.
No one gets to tell you to change your clothes every time you re-enter the home either. As much as I think any roommate has to compromise and negotiate with others in a flat – your roommate is ridiculous and controlling IMO.
Don’t do any of the ridiculous things and if he wants the toilet scrubbed every time anyone thinks about peeing – he should do it himself. He’s trying to turn you into him. And that won’t work.” AndSoItGoes24
3. AITJ For Returning The Previous Tenant's Mail And Considering A Restraining Order?
“I moved into my dream apartment near my job. The first day I opened the mailbox and so many letters from the old renter were there. I was confused and took them to the post office and they told me to just put return to sender on it.
I’m there for two weeks and I hear an old woman knocking on my door yelling at me to give her her mail. It’s her mail. Through the door, I told her that I returned it to the post office.
She continued to beat on my door and I panicked and called the police on her. They gave her a talk and she explained she needed this zip code for her job. Crying and just being disturbed. The apartment manager comes over and tries to diffuse the situation and asks if I just have any mail I could give her.
I’m like no.
My roommate comes home in the middle of this and he’s angry at the apartment manager and tells her to rekey the whole building so this doesn’t happen or tell the neighbors not to let people in.
The apartment manager says the woman lost her apartment because her husband died and she couldn’t afford rent. I don’t feel like this is our issue and she shouldn’t be knocking on our door asking for mail.
This was going on and because of this crazy behavior after the woman left, the police suggested a restraining order and my roommate and I agreed to fill out the paperwork.
The apartment manager tried to tell us it was not necessary but I told him I was calling corporate because her behavior was an issue and if we had known this was the former home of a crazy person who was going to cause trouble for us, we wouldn’t have signed the lease.
The apartment manager tries apologizing but I feel like she was out of line for trying to defend the lady and how she handled the situation was wrong too and this is why the crazy lady felt it was it to bang on people’s doors demanding her mail.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for returning mail. You had no forwarding address so it would have been creepy to keep it. But I think I have to go with YTJ for the restraining order. She only came by once and was upset and confused. She likely wouldn’t have come by again.” Repulsive_State_7399
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In my experience, the police do not suggest a restraining order over a dispute like this unless somebody is way out of line. They’d just tell the woman she can’t use your mailing address as her own, and she’d back off.
Maybe the apartment manager could help her change her mailing address—but if she feels she has a right to use yours so she is in the right zip code for her job, that’s a problem she’ll have to solve.” Auntie-Mam69
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for how little empathy you’re showing to an older woman who just lost her husband. By god, my response would have been, “I’m sorry, I returned it to the post office but, moving forward, I can set it aside for you for a little while while you straighten things out.” YTJ if you get a restraining order when she was just upset and confused. YTJ for being callous.
You’re NTJ for sending the letters back to the post office. But, seriously, geez.” crystallz2000
2. AITJ For Expecting My Unemployed Partner To Stop Gaming When I Get Home?
“It feels kinda depressing writing this, but lately I don’t know where to turn. My (24F) partner (25M) does not work or attend school.
I am a full-time student completing my last year of undergrad & first year toward a Master’s degree (enrolled in both). I also teach two classes, which isn’t a ton but when combined with student leadership positions, it adds up.
I have no free time essentially. Most days, I am out the door by 7 AM and I don’t get back until 7 PM if I’m lucky, then I have homework and grading and yadda yadda yadda. In short, I’m exhausted. I get so excited when my day is done and all I can think about on the drive home is getting to see my partner and relax together a little.
And it’s practically impossible to get that from him.
He knows what time I get home every day, I’ll ask him to be ready to hang out when I get back, and yet I walk into a silent apartment at the end of each day because he’s been locked in his office playing video games the entire time I’ve been gone.
It sucks. I get home and spend another hour or so alone waiting on him so we can figure out dinner and see each other, and then it’s right back to it after dinner. He’ll stay up until 4 AM gaming from there.
Recently, with the winter blizzards, it’s been nearly impossible to get all my stuff in the door without having to set it in the snow to unlock the door because no matter how much I knock he won’t come to help me.
It’s breaking my heart. I work so hard and do so much for him. I don’t get why it’s such a huge ask that he wraps up gaming by the time I’m home. He doesn’t do anything else with his days, you’d think it would be an easy task but maybe I’m just expecting too much.
He makes it seem like such an overreaction whenever I try to bring it up. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you do need to ask yourself what you are getting from this relationship. You go to school and work, you come home and clean up and do the domestic duties, then you go to sleep and start all over again.
Your partner is not a partner. He could be cleaning up, making dinner, getting the house ready for you when you come home. He can’t even have the courtesy to open the door for you when you do get home and need assistance.
So he’s just being a giant lazy mooch. You’d get more affection from a fish. So do yourself a favor and drop this guy. Find someone who is an actual partner and not a leech. He’s saying you’re overreacting when you bring it up because he doesn’t want to lose his cushy position and if he makes it seem like a “you” problem then you’re more likely to put up with it.
So far it’s worked. He’s not going to change so serve him his walking papers.” CatahoulaBubble
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have a life and ambition and desires and needs. Sounds like he is burrowing away into distractions because he isn’t mature enough to handle adulthood.
It shouldn’t even be an expectation that if he spends the whole day doing nothing productive, he should at least show you the courtesy of offering you his attention for the couple of hours between work and bed. I enjoy unwinding with an hour or two of games as much as the next person, but I don’t think anyone who plays this amount of a game enjoys it.
Sounds like an addiction, that getting a job and having a life will fix.” OneEyedMilkman87
Another User Comments:
“You’re going to need to toughen up. In a few years, you’ll have to bring the groceries, the baby, and two toddlers in during snowstorms. It will be difficult, making dinner and watching the kids, but you can do it.
If you budget your time well, you might even be able to clean your apartment on weekends while the kids nap. Just work on your attitude, and things will be fine. YTJ” Joe-Stapler
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Daughter To Change The TV Settings?
“I (43m) got some fancy TV with like 8 billion settings on it. It took me like 5 hours to set this thing up, between Samsung online, all my streaming services, address verification nonsense, and 8 other weird things that no one should have to deal with just to watch TV.
So I’ve been noticing that the picture seems to keep getting darker and darker until the screen is nearly invisible in the daytime. I am generally pretty good at electronics, mechanics, and all that kinda stuff. I’m the guy people call when they need tech support.
But this darn TV is ludicrously convoluted in the amount of menus it has. I swear multiple menus deal with picture quality.
After messing around in the menus for like a week, I say screw it and reset the TV back to the factory.
Another 3 hours to set it up this time. My picture is back to perfect.
2 days ago, I’m walking through the living room, and I see my daughter (17f) diving into the picture menus. I ask her if she has been changing the settings, and she says yes because she feels the TV is too bright when she’s watching it at night with all the lights off.
I asked her to not change the settings and to explain the issues I’ve been having with it. She asks if we can “share” the settings, by way of me turning it up when I want, and she can turn it down when she wants.
The last thing I want to do is mess around with the picture menus every time I turn on the TV, so I ask her to just leave the settings alone, or watch the TV with a light on, so it’s not as glaringly lit.
She melts down at this point. “Why can’t we share it? I don’t like having the light on at night. You’re being greedy and acting like a dictator.” My wife agreed with her and told me I was being too obstinate.
I truly did not think I was being out of line for telling the daughter that I don’t want her messing with the settings, because I don’t want to go through the whole setup nonsense again if she messes it up and can’t fix it.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve got a Samsung and yes they can be a pain but there’s a shortcut to everything. You both need to sit down and figure out the picture/brightness setting and go from there if your daughter hasn’t already.
I change my brightness at night all the time depending on the show I watch because their settings are so harsh and I get migraines. Ours is in the quick menu like most are so you don’t have to do the deep dive.
Is it that hard to keep harmony in the house instead of the master of your domain?? YWBTA if you don’t compromise and work together” Fit-Marketing-4702
Another User Comments:
“This thing has a gabillion settings, but doesn’t have a Night Mode?
Not the point, but yeah, as annoying as it is to have to change the settings back and forth, it’s also annoying to watch a too-bright TV. Quit being a jerk and just have her write down what she changed so she can change it back and you have the info when needed. It’s not that hard.
YTJ” carolyn609
Another User Comments:
“ESH, bordering on YTJ. Learn how to adjust the brightness on your TV. This is something that would make the TV unusable to someone who wants to watch it at night without blasting their vision.
My husband and I adjust the brightness on our TV nearly every time we watch it because it depends on the time of day with how bright the room itself will get. It’s learning like one button and two menu steps to access the brightness settings.
If your TV is so fancy, you (and others in the home who have access to it) should be able to enjoy it without needing to default to factory because either learning or writing down a few steps to know how to adjust the brightness is somehow too complicated or out of question.” drmickeywit
