People Call For Us To State Our Opinions Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Not Leaving Work To Pick Up My Partner From The Hospital?
“My (f32) partner (m37) of 7 years got injured while working in the backyard again and went to the ER via an ambulance (that I paid for since he doesn’t have money). He called me later to tell me he was in the hospital getting treated for his injury and assured me it wasn’t serious, then told me to come to pick him up and take him home but I said I was busy in the middle of a project with my co-workers so I couldn’t leave.
He said he had no one to give him a ride and as usual said no to uber then said my boss will make an exception for me which might have been true but I said I was sorry but I’m fairly new to work and it would be unprofessional of me to leave like that.
He pressured me but I didn’t cave and stopped answering his calls.
I got off work, came home in the evening and he saw me and screamed at me words like selfish and uncaring for refusing to leave work to give him a ride home and leaving him to fend for himself this way. I had enough and told him that this is the 10th time he had an accident where he needed me to leave work and come give him a ride either home or to the hospital. Also… he knows that I got kicked out of my old job for continuously leaving at random times to come to him for the same reasons but this is my new job and I’m making sure I won’t lose it too since he ‘doesn’t take Ubers’ and say ‘just come get me, how hard could that be?
It’s not like I’m asking you to carry me on your back’ every time.
He was still convinced I was wrong for not dropping work and rushing to get him home and said my true colors are showing and ‘they ain’t pretty’ like what? What does that suppose to mean? Anyways he remained upset and insisted I prioritized work over him which isn’t good.
AITJ for not leaving mid-work to go pick him up after he already caused me to lose my old job because of this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ honey, the ‘your true colors are showing and they’re not pretty’ means exactly what you think it means, he’s saying you’re a selfish jerk and should prioritize his lazy butt over your job.
And we all know what people think of that, KICK HIM OUT. He’s such a jerk. He was dramatic enough to get you fired from your previous job and is trying to accomplish it again. Doesn’t he understand that him being a deadbeat means you have to work? You’re not his personal taxi service, he doesn’t pay you to be, he just expects you to drop everything like you’re his mom or personal assistant, so you can tend to his every whim.
You deserve better, someone who helps pay bills for one.
Seriously, get higher expectations, you’re not going to find a decent person when you settle for below the bare minimum. Reach for perfection, settle for greatness, and be happy with the normal you’ve created. Don’t let someone disrespect you like that.” Dutch-CatLady
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ.
‘He was still convinced I was wrong for not dropping work and rushing to get him home and said my true colors are showing and ‘they ain’t pretty’ like what? What does that supposed to mean? Anyways he remained upset and insisted I prioritized work over him which isn’t good.’
That is the best example of gaslighting that I’ve seen in a while.
In saying those words, he’s caused you to doubt yourself enough that you’re seeking outside confirmation of your reality.
His aim didn’t include you asking others, he just wanted you to act differently next time because you took his distortion more seriously than reality.
By verbally mistreating you, he’s made it so that your subconscious will eventually see his distortions as safer than reality.
I know this because after having been there I have had to learn about it in order to untangle that web inside my own head.
Be proud of yourself for knowing your reality well enough to seek confirmation instead of falling (further) into a trauma bond with him.” LisaF123456
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It if were a one-time thing, I could understand feeling bummed that you couldn’t take him home, although I’d also understand if my partner couldn’t get away from work.
I appreciated it when my partner left work to be with me in the ER, the one time I stupidly injured myself in the kitchen, but I didn’t expect it.
But… he’s had accidents ten times? Does he have some sort of disability that impacts his motor skills? How is he this clumsy and careless?
You’d think after a few accidents he’d say ‘well, I’m bleeding my partner dry with these hospital bills, and one of these days I might die from one of these accidents, I should put more safeguards in place, and maybe save these risky tasks for when someone can come over and spot me’ OR ‘we should contract out some of this work because it’s too dangerous for me.’ Ten accidents are suspicious, and pressuring you to leave work so many times that you get fired, only to pressure you to blow off this new job for the same reasons?
He’s dependent on you for money, what exactly is his plan when you get fired again, and struggle to get a new job?
Something’s going on. Intentional financial mistreatment, addiction to painkillers, hurting himself for attention and sympathy (does that fall under Munchausen Syndrome, a psychological condition where someone pretends to be ill or deliberately produces symptoms of illness in themselves?
or is that only when the person pretends to be sick?), or just being a bum jealous of your relative success, and trying to drag you down to his level so he can feel like a man, I don’t know, but I think you’d be better off without him.” VisualCelery
18. AITJ For Disregarding A Mild Allergy?
“A week ago, we were informed that we were invited to our neighbor’s kid’s birthday party.
And that the party would be on Tuesday (last Tuesday.) My kids are friends of his, so I thought it’ll be alright to attend. But, I wanted to bring something. So I decided to bake a batch of cookies. My son told me that he had some sort of butter allergy, but it was mild.
For one, I didn’t think you could get butter allergies. But, it was mild anyway. So I decided to make cookies with butter in them.
After the party was over, they (his parents) kept the cookies for later. Because sadly, no one ate them. Well, Thursday night my neighbor gave me a call frantically asking what I put in the cookies.
And I kind of responded with a cavalier tone ‘Whatever is in cookies,’ and then I suddenly remember he has a butter allergy. So I say ‘Oh, I put butter in them.’ And they get mad asking why I did that, and I told them I didn’t think his reaction would be bad, considering I was told it was mild.
Anyway, the kid with the butter allergy didn’t show up to school on Friday so I can’t help but wonder if it was due to my cookies. My son told me it was no big deal, and that he only had mild reactions to butter. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your son says ‘hey X has an allergy to butter’ the responsible thing to do in that case is CALL THE KIDS PARENTS.
You DON’T trust the minor in this aspect. I am all for believing your kid but NOT when it comes to allergies! Reactions can get worse over time if exposed constantly. Sometimes the kid grows out of it or they can get worse. Those ‘mild’ reactions can turn deadly.
You NEVER EVER risk it with allergies to food.
You should’ve called the parents and said ‘hey I heard your son has an allergy to butter. Is it dairy butter or can I use an alternative butter? Or should I avoid all butter?’ You know COMMON SENSE QUESTIONS.
You put a kid’s LIFE in danger. Allergies can get serious without you knowing it.
Your son doesn’t know his friend’s body or his reactions. Mild can be tongue swelling or throat starting to swell but doesn’t fully swell up, which could cause breathing issues or issues with their heart. So many different reactions can happen! You DON’T KNOW THE LEVEL OF REACTIONS. You don’t CALL like a responsible person would!
How would you feel if your son had a food allergy and someone did what you did? You’d be mad…
You need to communicate with parents if you know that their kid may have a food allergy. Yes, it’s an odd allergy but it’s still an allergy that could be bad!
Common sense is free.
USE IT. Apologize to them as well for not doing your due diligence when bringing food after being told he had an allergy. It’s one thing to do it unknowingly. YOU did it KNOWINGLY. The kid was clearly sick enough not to be in school. That says something.
Shame on you. Next time communicate with ALL parents that are bringing kids to ensure no food allergies are triggered by mistake.
As odd and rare as they may be.” Alyssa_Hargreaves
Another User Comments:
“What kind of crazy question is that? Yes, you are definitely the jerk for ignoring an allergy! Don’t you know that this thing can seriously harm a person? Why would you not opt-out of something WITHOUT butter? Or why not bring anything at all?
You not only ignored the allergy, you basically went out of your way to make sure that the allergic kid eats the thing he’s allergic to!
That being said, the parents not asking what’s in the cookies before their allegedly allergic child ate them seems kinda suspicious to me, like… isn’t butter a common thing to put in cookies?
Everyone sucks here.” ijustwanttoaskaq123
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A giant one. He is probably allergic to dairy. You were told he has an allergy, but you decided you knew better. You took the word of your kid rather than actually calling the parent. You are the nightmare of every parent of a child with food allergies.
Even if the allergy is mild, he is going to react in ways YOU DO NOT KNOW. What were you thinking? ‘Oh, I thought he’d just have terrible cramps and be up all night screaming in pain, not go into anaphylactic shock!’ You jeopardized his health because… why?” Squinky75
YES. YTJ. A complete and utter jerk. That kid's parents could have you arrested for attempted homicide.
17. AITJ For Not Attending My Nephew's Birthday Party?
“Yesterday was my nephew’s birthday party. He turned 10. This is my wife’s blood-related nephew by the way. My nephew by marriage.
My wife asked me if I was going and I said no. She asked me why. Might seem immature but I don’t like that kid.
He’s annoying and always messes up my house when he’s over. My wife doesn’t mind it because he’s a kid.
The thing that sent me over the edge to the point where I completely stopped liking him was when I caught him scaring my 1-year-old daughter with a Halloween mask. Had her running around my house crying while he chased her.
I yelled at him and my wife defended him, saying HE’S JUST A KID.
With me explaining why I don’t like him. Back to the story. My wife asked me why and I said I didn’t want to. She got upset and told me I was a boring grouch. I told her I didn’t feel like spending a lot on a present.
She asked me what I had against her nephew. I said nothing, I just think he’s really annoying and you guys baby him too much.
She said that I was immature for not liking a kid and she left without me. I don’t want to spend money on someone I don’t like and that’s all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He is 10. Old enough to not be a jerk. Any 10yr old thinking it’s funny to chase a toddler around, tormenting them, are complete jerks. Now as to whose fault that is, probably everyone saying ‘He’s just a kid’, but still old enough to know right from wrong, and old enough to not torture babies.
I wouldn’t spend my time celebrating a kid who enjoys hurting other kids, and is an all-around jerk.” Natenat04
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to go but if it’s the only family function you DON’T go to… it could be perceived as weird. All families have different dynamics.
That said, some kids are obnoxious and it’s usually a host of adults making excuses for their poor behavior.
Everyone always uses ‘but he’s just a kid’ or ‘boys will be boys’ and honestly it just lets the kid continue immature and/or hurtful behavior. It also deprives them of the opportunity to do better.” Riots_and_Rutabagas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I wouldn’t be happy about it, but I could see a ‘just a kid’ excuse if he just like, jumped out with the mask once and stopped when he saw how upset she was, but he was chasing her as she cried, that more then just a kid.
That’s deliberately terrifying your daughter.
It’s not ok and he’s more than old enough to know better. He chose to be cruel.
And I find it very concerning that your wife doesn’t see the difference. I wouldn’t want to be around him or let him around my baby.
His behavior needs to be corrected now before it’s too late and he doesn’t something that gets him in real trouble.” gabbydearest91
He's a bully who is going to get away with it because the responsible adults around him give excuses like "he's just a kid" and a personal not favorate "boys will be boys" both are toxic responses from lazy adults.
16. AITJ For Storming Off After Being Cut Off In A Conversation?
“So I come from a pretty patriarchal family and all that implies. I personally run my household differently. My husband and I split chores and I am essentially the spokesperson for us as a couple (he just prefers to defer to me). My grandparents moved in with my husband and me, and my grandfather tends to speak like he’s an authority on EVERYTHING.
He constantly cuts me off or just goes ‘yeah yeah you’re right I’m wrong’.
The actual situation…
All four of us are talking about my sister, who just had a baby… I was telling my grandma that my mom jokingly says my sister is ‘greedy with her baby’ and I said ‘well, she should be’ then my grandma says ‘this is their bonding time’.
Then my grandpa starts saying how much better they’ll bond if she starts breastfeeding. I said, ‘oh she chose not to breastfeed’ and he responded with ‘yes but the baby will be better behaved if she does because their bond will be stronger’ I started to say ‘some women can’t breastfeed’ but I only got through the word ‘some…’ before he goes ‘yeah yeah yeah your right I’m wrong she’s so much better off not breastfeeding’.
This is where I might be a jerk. I got an attitude and said ‘Of course what you have to say about women bonding with their babies is more important than what I have to say. We were having a perfectly nice conversation but you obviously weren’t interested in anything anyone else has to say.’ And I just left. I was just so fed up with always being cut off.
I asked my husband what he thought. He thinks my grandfather was wrong, and that he absolutely shouldn’t have cut me off, but I was also the jerk because I got mad and left when we were all spending time together. He says I could have just ignored it instead of getting upset.
So was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your husband doesn’t understand because it’s not happening to him. I’d start interrupting my grandfather and husband with my thoughts as well as wave my hands dismissively whenever they speak. I would say the opposite of their opinion and raise my voice and carry on. I’d also go so far as to explain simple things to them both as if they do not understand.
Then maybe your husband can understand what it is like to constantly be dismissed or disregarded because you are a woman.
Your husband more than anyone needs to back you up on this and not let your grandfather treat you like you are worthless. Women have to deal with this stuff outside of the house constantly, you shouldn’t have to come home to it.” Impossible-Price
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – however, I suggest a more direct and effective response. Look him in the eye, and in a calm firm voice say ‘You interrupted me, that’s rude. Stop it’. Then continue what you were saying. Repeat as required.
If he keeps interrupting, in the same calm firm tone, call him out for rudely interrupting you, then demand an apology.
It will be the world’s worst apology but stand your ground, insist that he look at you, and apologize for rudely interrupting you. Insist that he say what he did wrong, and why it was wrong. ‘I am sorry I interrupted you, it is rude and disrespectful’. He won’t like it, he will be absolutely insincere, and he may nearly choke to death on the words.
But he WILL LEARN not to interrupt you because if he does you will make him humble himself to you and apologize. If he won’t respect you, let him fear you will humiliate him. Because people who give themselves the right to treat others badly are humiliated when you call them out and insist on an apology.
Folks know behavior like that is wrong, rude, and disrespectful. They give themselves permission to treat others that way, they rely on the rest of us silently accepting their misconduct. And when we silently tolerate the misconduct, WE GIVE THEM PERMISSION TO KEEP TREATING US POORLY. Don’t give the jerks permission to mistreat you. Speak up calmly confidently and articulately, call them out, and demand basic decency.
And secretly smile every time you recall the angry humiliated expression on his face when you forced that apology out of him.” lindylady9601
Another User Comments:
“‘He says I could have just ignored it instead of getting upset.’
And then what changes? Ignore bad behavior and you will continue to get bad behavior. I don’t care that he is your grandfather, or that your family had a certain way of doing things when you were growing up.
This is your home and you deserve to be treated with equal respect.
Your grandfather’s constant dismissal of you is extremely disrespectful. I would not allow it in my home.
NTJ.” Honestaltly
15. AITJ For Not Laughing At Jokes About Being An Only Child?
“I had a huge fight with my partner (m26). He has 4 brothers and I‘m kind of an only child because my sister died when she was 8 and I was 12.
It was really sad for my whole family – especially my parents who separated after this. My partner knows this. But he sometimes makes jokes about how I‘m an only child and that I can not share (food) and stuff like that. I know that these jokes are only typically jokes about this topic but it makes me sad.
He did this again yesterday while we were meeting some of our friends. They also made some jokes and that was enough for me – I told them that this makes me sad and that I don’t like it and how I miss my sister and that I don’t feel like an only child because I still HAVE a sister – she’s ‘just’ not alive.
Some of my friends were shocked and apologies but my partner and two other friends argued that I’m just acting like an only child (crying, being dramatic, and not accepting jokes). I said that I would not accept this behavior and that I don’t want to see them again if they act this way.
Now I’m wondering if I was too harsh. It was a joke after all? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is being a jerk. He has made these jokes in the past and you’ve told them that they are hurtful (for a very obvious and understandable reason) but he’s chosen to continue to make them, presumably they’re either so funny to him that it outweighs the hurt it causes you, or the pain he’s inflicting is intentional. You had a sister that you lost very young and have to grapple with that, and each time this dude does that he’s rubbing salt into the wound.” rmric0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have your boundaries. If your partner can’t accept those and keeps making those lame jokes (and the worst part is him not apologizing and correcting himself, instead using a stupid excuse to keep ‘joking’ about it), you’re better off dropping him without a second thought.
A relationship should be built on trust, compassion, support, and communication.
If any of these pillars drop away, your relationship will fall over unless he’s willing to do something about it (and from what I read, he isn’t planning on doing so)” Dork86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is being a jerk, tho. An only child is someone who was their parents’ ONLY child. You had a sibling who passed away.
You miss her horribly. Your partner ‘joking’ (which I put in quotes because it’s not a joke, jokes are supposed to be funny) about you being an only child is something that should have stopped the first time you told him it hurts your feelings.
Instead, he repeatedly hurts your feelings because he thinks it’s funny.
Read that sentence again. He repeatedly hurts your feelings because he thinks it’s funny. Is that someone you want to keep seeing? I think you need a better quality partner.” lemonlimeaardvark
14. AITJ For Making A Joke About My Friend's Wife?
“I (M28) have been friends with a bunch of guys since college and we do weekly meetings to play video games and talk about our issues.
Last week we gathered at my brother ‘Jim’s’ place and one of the guys started talking about issues he’s facing with a certain brand of contraceptives, most of the guys shared their own stories about different issues with contraceptives including me.
Now here’s where I might be the jerk: I have a friend named ‘Michael’ whose wife is infertile. I turned to him and made a comment saying that he must be at least relieved from the issues my friends and I deal with regarding contraceptives since he probably doesn’t need them nor worry about getting them.
He got extremely offended asking if I was implying that he was lucky his wife is unable to get pregnant, I told him no it wasn’t like that but he lashed out at me angrily calling me an insensitive piece of work for insulting his infertile wife like that. I insisted this wasn’t my intention since I care about his feelings and I’d never try to do such a thing but he insisted that I just did.
Jim said let’s pretend it was a bad joke but word for word we got into an argument.
The guys got split, some tried to calm the situation down and some joined Michael in berating me and calling me obnoxious for the comment I made. Jim eventually told Michael to leave after telling him he was flying off the handle for no reason but some of the other dudes sided with Michael and said I overstepped with my comment and that I should’ve kept my mouth shut.
I felt horrible because I thought they were overreacting. Jim canceled the game night and told everyone to go home. I went home and I received a nasty text from one of the guys saying what I told Michael was messed up and that I should apologize for hurting his feelings and insulting his wife because that is what the comment did but I replied that Michael really overreacted as I was trying to cheer him up and didn’t think he’d blow up like that.
Yet, I’m told this was Michael’s private business and I had no right to comment no matter what my intentions were but I haven’t apologized to him yet.
AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t joke about someone’s issues with fertility. What is wrong with you? It may not have been your intention, but it 100% is nothing to joke about, nor funny, nor in any way could it not be interpreted as you taking a jab at that.
Your comment was unwarranted and lacked any sort of tact. At this point, just apologize and don’t go down the ‘it was just a joke, bruh!’ route because your joke was incredibly hurtful.
How do you think their inability to have kids is going to CHEER HIM UP? Why HAVEN’T you apologized yet? He likely WISHES he had to worry about this and there seems to have been zero incentive to say what you said.” ILikeSealsALot
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
That is exactly what you meant to do with your comment. If not, go ahead and explain why you said it and what you meant- there’s no way to explain yourself without admitting that you were referencing the fertility issues that exist in his relationship. Not only did you disrespect his wife, but you disrespected him by thinking that his problems are something to be casually joked about.
And now you’re defending yourself? Geeze, you are being a terrible friend.” anchovie_macncheese
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Both you and Jim.
How is this supposed to be funny? Really. Explain the punchline to me so I understand.
From the sounds of it, Michael and his wife probably really do want kids someday. And this is a very sensitive subject for him.
While it may not have been intentional, your comment essentially came off as telling him ‘you should be lucky you don’t have to worry about ever having kids, that’s every guy’s dream!’ and he got rightfully upset because clearly, this is something important to him and his wife. And Jim’s actions in this fight also echoed the same sentiment.
Put yourself in his shoes. If the roles were reversed, would you laugh at a joke someone made at the expense of your wife and her medical information? Of your dreams regarding your potential future family? Or would you rightfully tell the joke maker to shut up? Michael’s wife is lucky to have someone like him who’s willing to stand up for her even when she’s not there.
You and Jim owe Michael a MASSIVE apology.” Fluid_Response_6062
13. AITJ For Giving $50000 To My Cousin?
“Had a belated Christmas gathering last week with my extended family. The custom for this event is that we exchange ‘stocking stuffers’ – nothing over $10.
Ever since we’ve had this gathering, I’ve always bought a scratch-off lottery ticket for all the adults.
As you would expect, they are almost always trash. But every year we have a few hits for extra tickets, 2,5, even $10. One year my uncle’s ticket hit $50 and everyone went crazy. It’s always a good time.
So this year my 23-year-old cousin goes nuts.
He holds his ticket up and claims that it just hit the max jackpot – $50,000. Everyone rushes over, and a couple of my uncles verify – yep this kid just won $50k.
I was elated. I scooped him up in a big bear hug and said Merry Christmas you lucky jerk. He was screaming and his mom was actually in tears and the whole room was excited. It was literally one of the top ten experiences of my life.
I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and I pull it out to see my wife has sent me a text message that says ‘Come out to the car.’ I go outside and can tell by her body language she is mad. She told me there is no way that we are giving my cousin $50k, then starts fussing at me about buying the lotto tickets, to begin with.
2 things to explain: I’m not saying that $50k isn’t a lot of money- it’s a ton. But I’m in my mid-forties. I have a 2-decade professional career. My wife is a stay-at-home mom by choice. We drive late(r) model cars that are paid for. Our retirements and the kids’ college accounts are fully funded. Our only debt is the house.
I’m saying this to show while $50k would be nice to have, it’s not a life-changing amount for us.
My cousin, on the other hand, just graduated from college. His mom is single and was one of those fiercely independent women who refused charity. She took on extra jobs to help him pay for school.
He worked at least two jobs himself while going to school full-time and still managed the dean’s list. But he still had to take out loans. He landed a job, but he can’t afford a car yet or to live close to the office, so he’s looking at nearly a 2-hour commute. He’s also saving for an engagement ring for his sweet partner of 3 years.
This money would literally change this kid’s life and frankly, I think it couldn’t have gone to a better member of my family.
I explain to her that we’re not giving him $50k, we gave him a ticket I spent $5 on. She’s not buying, and she won’t let it go. She is now demanding I go back in there and take the ticket back from him, saying maybe we’ll give him some of it.
We argue a little bit, and I can’t get her to explain why she wants this money so bad other than ‘it’s ours and you’re not giving it away.’
We fought all the way home and she hasn’t spoken more than a couple of words to me since.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your wife wouldn’t want the ticket if it were worth $0 or even the $50 your uncle won, would she?
She wouldn’t demand you’d go back in there and do some taksie-backsies for zero dollars.
Your wife is completely in the wrong. You are right, you have not given away $50k, you gave him a gift that could have been worth $0 at the end of the day for a bit of a laugh and he just got lucky.
I would just not talk to her either and tell her I’m very disappointed in this poor show of character and hope she sleeps it off.
Besides, legally there were witnesses who saw you give the ticket to him as a gift and saw him scratch it and subsequently win. Morally and legally it’s his money, not yours or hers.” _its_only_forever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gifted the ticket worth $5. Now if the outcome is 50 bucks or $50k, it’s not yours to claim. If it weren’t a lotto ticket and a general Christmas gift – can you take it back?
Your wife is way out of line. Does it hurt seeing gifted tickets make so much?
Yes, obviously. It’s human nature. But can we demand it back? Heck no!
Sit with her and find out if she’s facing financial issues. But be very clear that it’s their funds. Neither you nor she will speak to the cousin about it. If she’s facing a crunch, has some form of unexpected expense – offer her to pay for it.” Straight-Example9126
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’d recommend warning your cousin if this argument persists. There’s a not insignificant chance that if she’s this money-grubbing she’ll run behind your back and claim that ‘both of you’ would like the funds back. At any rate, you’re not the jerk, because as you said you gave him a 5-buck ticket that happened to be a winner.
There was no way of you knowing, and frankly taking it back would defeat the purpose of the whole thing.
What does she think this is? Holiday scratch-offs for OP? Scratch his tickets for him in the spirit of the season~ That’s not even remotely how it works and it’s weird and highly suspect that she thinks this way.” User
12. AITJ For Telling My Step-Sister-In-Law To Destroy My Mother-In-Law's Dress?
“MIL got married a few years ago. He has a 17-year-old daughter and MIL has a 19-year-old from FIL who cut both of his kids off when his 21-year-old wife told him to.
As a result, my husband is very close to SIL. I agreed to have her in the wedding as a bridesmaid and thought it would be polite to invite SSIL (step-SIL) as well since they are pretty much inseparable.
SSIL is a bit bratty but I thought it would be ok because I’m having a huge wedding party.
Our colors are blue, lavender, and peach. In our circle, it is normal for the family to wear the wedding colors. Before I could even assign colors MIL said she was wearing the lavender. I tried to stop her but it ended up in a huge fight and she cried, threatened not to come to the wedding, and said if we were going to favor my family by letting my mom pick first, she couldn’t mentally handle it and would leave.
I tried explaining the mother of the bride usually picks first, but MIL is contributing slightly more and would not stop crying. Well, my mom got the peach (and is furious because she wanted lavender) and my stepmom will wear the blue. Before this, it was supposed to be two of them in peace and one in blue, and my girls in purple.
I am now putting the bridesmaids in white because I don’t have any colors left and now they will just blend. SSIL has been complaining that she doesn’t want to wear ‘stupid boring white’ and I am embarrassing the bridesmaids and the dress I picked is ‘hurting her self-esteem.’
I’m a busy bride and don’t have time for this.
I joked back that if she wants a better dress she will have to sneak into MIL’s closet and destroy her dress. it was just a joke but now MIL says she isn’t coming because her anxiety is too bad and she thinks I’m going to pour something on her. I said I wasn’t and she said she can’t feel safe there and sent a long message about how the mother of the groom is supposed to feel special as well and I clearly don’t want that for her, and now she thinks we are bullying her.
I’m just done. Everyone says my joke was funny but now SSIL is backing out because her dad doesn’t want her in the wedding and she wants to go somewhere with her SO that weekend, and MIL is all hysterical that we are plotting something.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Good heavens, you all sound exhausting.
MIL threw a tantrum over what color she’d get to wear. At that point, you should’ve laid down the law since there are apparently respected traditions around all this. If she threatened to pull the money from the wedding, then let her do it and make do with a smaller wedding. Dress colors are not a big deal, so if you want them a certain way, it’s fine to insist.
Your joke was needlessly poking at a volatile situation. You can’t be surprised this brat is throwing a fit over the dress when it already happened at least once.
I don’t think you’re a bridezilla, but this situation has gotten out of control on your watch. Good luck cleaning it up.” QueenOfStolenHearts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is just my opinion but, the minute someone starts throwing a fit and threatens not to attend an event, then their invitation is permanently evoked. No backsies, no questions asked. You are no longer an invited guest. This includes parents, siblings, in-laws, etc.
Your family seems to have forgotten that this is your day and not theirs.
I probably wouldn’t have said the joke but it sounds like everybody was already acting crazy. If they all continue to act crazy and threaten not to attend tell them the guest list has been changed and they aren’t on it.” shlbycindy1
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You’re the bride. Put on your big girl pants and act like it.
Tell each person what color they are going to wear and that it’s not up for discussion. If they don’t like it, they can wear any other color of the rainbow or not come at all.
But anyone who chooses not to come to your wedding because they can’t wear lavender is a piece of work and I would be rethinking their place in my life.” beeedw
11. AITJ For Not Mending My Dad's Shirt?
“I (16F) picked up sewing as a hobby in late 2021, I started because getting dressmakers to hem my clothing was becoming expensive (I also wanted to add pockets into any dresses I owned because we need pockets)
My Dad (45) said I’d lose interest in a week and move on to another hobby and that it was a useless hobby anyway and he wouldn’t help me fund it (He never did, I bought sewing needles, pins, thread and materials with funds from my job and allowance that I saved up)
When he said this I told him ‘you’ll regret that when you need something fixing’.
Since I started sewing I’ve hemmed nearly all my clothes to be the right length, have fixed rips, and tears, and popped off buttons on my and my friend’s clothing as well as adding pockets and even making some dresses and skirts myself.
Yesterday my Dad asked if I could mend a tear in one of his work shirts, I nearly agreed willing to set aside the other projects I had but then stopped and told him
‘I thought you said it was useless, go to a dressmaker or something’.
He said a dressmaker was too expensive and I said that’s exactly why I learned to sew and maybe he should just do that.
He told me I was being petty and refuses to talk to me I offered to put it with the other things I need to do but he told me that was still being petty and I should just fix it cause it was a little tear.
I’d need to sew half the arm and side of the shirt because he caught it on something and it ripped.
Am I being too petty for not mending the shirt?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ only because your father said you were starting a stupid hobby so he deserved that petty act. When you said he didn’t support your new hobby and didn’t buy the tools you needed. I mean I don’t think your parents have to buy you those things.
(This is a hobby, not a start-up) when I was your age I got into ceramics but I didn’t expect to just have my parents buy me all the tools and clay. Unless it was a birthday gift I don’t remember them buying me anything ceramic-related out of the blue. That didn’t mean they didn’t support me, support comes from believing in someone.
Unfortunately, your pops didn’t in the beginning but people can change.” Seb_1999
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If people don’t support you, they don’t get to use you. Even emotional support would’ve been great, you’re a trooper for funding your own hobby at that age. You get to work your hobby the way you want to.
As someone with a lot of hobbies ( all creative and about making things), I have learned to not let people take advantage of your hard-earned skills! I take on requests in different tiers:
Close family and friends that support me: free of any charge if I have all the items necessary, or a small expense fee if I need to order special items/ingredients.
People I know, but aren’t too close with: full expense fee.
Strangers, unsupportive people, or friends of friends: full expense fee + time compensation.
It’s a hobby, but that doesn’t mean people get to just take advantage of it whenever it suits them. It still requires materials, time, and skills. And no matter who puts in the request, they have to acknowledge that.” Khalystar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is the consequence of being a jerk, your father insulted you & your hobby, then when he needed something repaired, instead of apologizing & asking you to mend his shirt he demands you do it then acts like a thwarted Toddler when you say no. Stand your ground don’t let him bully you into doing it, he owes you an apology.
Tell him you will fix his shirt if he pays you.
As a dressmaker myself, I admire the fact that you are doing all this sewing by hand, without a sewing machine. If you start charging for repairs you can save enough money to get a decent 2nd hand-sewing machine. My first machine was 2nd hand & it went everywhere with me.
I was always able to make extra money doing clothing repairs.” Competitive_Tea2413
10. AITJ For Kicking Out My Partner's Mother And Sister?
“My (25F) and my partner, Ryan, (27M) have been together for a little over two years and recently moved in together. Something worth noting is that he comes from a very wealthy, upper-class family whereas I come from lower-middle class. They have imported furniture, crazy expensive artwork, a chef, a maid, etc. But Ryan is the complete opposite of his family.
He doesn’t buy the most expensive items or shop at the most expensive stores like his family. He’s frugal like me.
So yesterday his mom and sister came to the house for the first time. We greeted them at the front door and their first comment was that the house is too small.
Ryan and I just brushed it off because we knew that was coming. They came in and right off the bat made comments about how there isn’t enough artwork, that the couches look and feel cheap, the countertop is hideous, etc. They went so far as to critique the type of glass used on the shower door.
Then they got to our bedroom and even though I don’t have much respect for them I thought they’d at least have the decency to not thoroughly dissect the entire room and just take a quick look. Boy was I wrong.
The first comment she made was about the way our bed was made.
I have anemia so I’m always very cold. So I sleep with the main comforter, a sherpa blanket, and a weighted blanket. The bed was made like normal with my extra blankets folded in half on my side. I’ll admit it doesn’t look the prettiest but it’s OUR room. I explained this to them and they said that I could, at the very least, put them in the closet.
I showed them that the closet is already full. They rolled their eyes and mumbled something I couldn’t understand.
This annoyed me but I kept cool. But then they literally started going through our dresser drawers. I politely asked them to not do that, that those have personal items. They accused me of having something to hide.
At that point, I had enough. I asked them to leave. They looked dumbfounded but I repeated myself. They turned to Ryan and asked if he was really going to let me kick them out. He said that it is getting late and they should get going so they don’t get home too late.
After they left Ryan turned to me and said that it really wasn’t my place to ask them to leave. He said he only agreed because he didn’t want to argue in front of them and give them more reason to not like me, but if I wanted them gone I should’ve said something to him and he could’ve said something that would’ve prevented the argument.
I said that they needed to be called out for their inappropriate behavior and he wasn’t doing that so I took it upon myself.
This is the first argument we’ve had that hasn’t been resolved within a few hours so I’m wondering if maybe I am in the wrong.
UPDATE: So we finally sat down to talk about what happened (it took so long because we both had work and wanted plenty of time to talk it through so we waited until that could happen).
I explained to him that his mom and sister going through my drawers was something I am not okay with and I felt like since he wasn’t saying anything to them that I needed to. I also told him that his saying ‘it isn’t my place’ to kick them out didn’t sit right with me as I am paying for the house just as much as he is and I have the right to kick out people who are disrespectful/rude.
He said that he didn’t mean it in the way it came out and what he meant was that it’s better for him to deal with his family. He agreed that I have the right to kick out guests and he apologized for saying the wrong thing. He also said that he was also taken by complete surprise when they started going through my drawers because even though growing up they had no boundaries and would often snoop through his room, he never thought they’d do it to me and he was shocked. He apologized for not stepping in and assured me that if they’re to ever come over again, he won’t allow any rude comments or inappropriate behavior and if they say/do something that he doesn’t catch or notice to send him a quick text (so they won’t know) and he’ll handle it.
Some people say this is a major red flag, to get rid of him, etc. But this was the first time anything like this happened and his explanation seemed completely genuine. I’ve spent two years with this man and I love him so I’m not going to throw in the towel over this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
That’s your home. You both live there as you see fit. You did not purchase that home to impress them.
Your partner, however, is not respecting your boundaries as he was letting his family rummage through your things. Once you expressed that you were uncomfortable with what they were doing, he handled his family very well when you told them to leave.
He did not make a fuss towards them, nor make you feel bad. It was what he said after they left that makes me question his jerk status. He needed to support your feelings more and respect your level of discomfort as you, his partner, were getting your boundaries violated by his family.
He’s not a jerk though.
He does have to recognize how your feelings come first in this matter, but his response during the situation makes it forgivable. Your partner’s family members are seriously stuck-up! Good for you for finding the good one in the family!” Azile96
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you deserve respect. But even if you’re not sorry for your actions you can apologize for hurting Ryan’s family and causing turmoil in his family (since I imagine that wasn’t your intention) and agree that next time you’ll handle the situation differently by letting him ask them to leave in a different way.
You could develop a cue to use when you want them to leave and he can take over. Sure they deserve to be called out but doing so won’t help you or your relationship. You’re NTJ but sometimes in relationships, it’s not about whose right it’s about working together to find a compromise.” sleepykoalaaaa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If I was in your position and they hadn’t stopped after being asked, I’d have been tempted to say something like ‘then don’t blame me when you find the adult toys. The whips belong to your son but he sure knows how to use them well’ with a deadpan face.
Not only are their comments about your home mean and demeaning, but going through someone’s personal property is incredibly rude. There are very few occasions where that behavior would be acceptable and this is definitely not one of them. We’re they gonna start pulling out your undergarments and commenting on those too?
Ask your SO how he’d have felt if you were visiting their home and started to go through their draws.
They’d have kicked you out exactly the same.” Immifish
9. AITJ For Having An Argument With My Mom About Sending My Sister To A Public School?
“Both my brother (M28) and I (F27) were ‘homeschooled’ by my mother until we were in our late teens due to our father being in the military. We were given books to read and we practiced handwriting, but subjects like math, science, and civics weren’t taught. I begged my parents to let us go to high school because we were never taught the basics.
I knew for us to make it we had to go to public school, but it was incredibly hard and we both had terrible social skills.
Thankfully we graduated, but barely. It made navigating my undergrad career almost impossible; I’m only now well adjusted during my master’s after having fought tooth and nail for my education.
Now my younger sister (F15) is also extremely behind for her age due to being ‘homeschooled’. There’s no state testing or accountability. Today during a call with my mother I told her my sister won’t get the opportunities others will because she doesn’t have a proper education, but my mother says she is doing her best and that will never be good enough.
She even started crying and stated she’s worried about what schools are teaching these days…
Am I the jerk?
Update: After having a very serious conversation with my parents my little sister has started public school. I’m so proud of her, she is flourishing and has already made several friends; she has even taken on more responsibility and seems much more confident.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Congrats on making it. Maybe sit down with your mother and explain to her how your life has been and what you went through in order to get where you are. Maybe you can at least convince her to have a structured remote learning/homeschooling hybrid. Your mom would still be in control, but science math and other stuff are monitored by teachers and the kids have resources where they can ask and get help.” That_austrian_dude
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Homeschooled my younger for five years, but actually educated him, so he is doing very well in life.
What your mom is doing is wrong. All of you deserved to be well-educated. And your mom is not educating your sister and didn’t educate you. I would hope that an authority somewhere could step in here.
No idea who. Another option might be setting up zoom with your younger sister to help her with the basics.” surfaholic15
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – History teacher here! Homeschool that doesn’t include math, science, or civics isn’t school, it’s just home. However, did she expect y’all to get your GEDs?
Or find employment?
I’m incredibly proud of you for taking the reins of your own education, but your mother put you in a truly terrible position to enter into and participate in society. Homeschooling already puts almost all kids at a disadvantage socially; add in not being able to participate in your government or find lucrative work and you have a heinous situation.
There are accredited homeschool programs with online support end even social groups for kids who are homeschooled. So it’s clear to me that your mom is not dedicated to learning, as she has not taken the time to familiarize herself with basic subjects OR the professionals who could help her. Your last line, ‘she’s worried about what schools are even teaching these days’ makes me wonder…
Anyways, there are so many ways for your mom to be involved with your sister’s education that doesn’t involve controlling it, isolating her, and depriving her of knowledge and skill. She could join a PTA. She could get involved in local school board elections. Kids’ parents call me all the time to talk about what their kid is doing and what they’re learning.
You are a great gal for advocating for your sister. You’re doing her an immense favor. I get that it feels awful to make your mom cry, but she’s gotta hear it from someone. Kudos for making it you.” wannabeomniglot
I did "earn to learn" program (not "accredited", but) --> middle school, i was in shop out on my uncles farm. I learned disel engine repairs, truck driving, farm and agriculture, herding hogs, slaughtering and processing cattle/hogs, breeding & biology stuff... on paper, i only finished 6th grade. I had to go and litteraly beg for "official" "GED". Goto a community college, take summer classes and stuff, and get into work/career classes. Yo mom has a right to worrry anout s#!t they teaching today....
8. AITJ For Not Letting Our Step-Sister Wear Family Heirlooms?
“So I (15F) have some conflict with my step-family, this includes my sister (15F), my brother (15M) (we’re triplets), my dad (42M), my stepmom (SM) (35F), and my step-sister (SS) (15F).
Some background, our mom passed away when we were 7 because of a heat stroke and our dad only dated again when we were 9, a year later he dated SM and married her shortly after. Our relationship as triplets with SM and SS is cordial but we aren’t really close. My siblings and I are really close to our mother’s side still, and our dad entirely supports us.
Our mother’s side has a tradition that started with our great grandma, that for every 16th birthday of a kid on that side, there is a photoshoot of those kids with family heirlooms (ex. jewelry/watches/clothing) it’s like a coming-of-age thing. My triplets’ and I’s birthdays are coming up so our aunt who is a photographer is planning to have a photoshoot with us triplets soon since she lives closest to us.
We already have our borrowed items picked out and we love them (I’m wearing my mom’s dress from the 90s and jewelry my grandma owned in the 70s), basically we are wearing our family history, but we all look somehow coordinated so we’re very excited.
Now the problem here is that when our SS who is a month younger found out about our tradition when our dad was coordinating with our aunt.
At the dinner table, she asked my sibs to be included. When we texted our aunt she said that she can be part of the photo shoot, but she cannot wear the family heirlooms. Sibs and I tell her she’s welcome to have a photo shoot but she can’t wear the family heirlooms, she asks if she can wear my dress instead since it’s not that old, I told her no since its the few things that hold sentimental value I have from my mom, also I am a few sizes smaller than SS, I know because she has stretched out a handful of my clothes before.
She asks if she really can’t wear any family heirlooms, sibs and I say she can wear her own family heirlooms, she says she doesn’t have any, but we say we’re really sorry but we can’t let her wear our maternal family heirlooms.
SS threw a whole fit about excluding her from the family and SM is mad at us for not letting her wear heirlooms, we say we can’t change our maternal side’s rules on family heirlooms, and now SM is threatening to not let us go to the photoshoot unless she can wear some family heirloom.
Sibs and I are agreeing to not let her wear them but we’re starting to feel bad since she has no relationship with her extended family since they’ve cut contact with SM, and she has no family heirlooms.
Are we jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. It was extremely nice for them to be willing to include your SS in the photo shoot (which, in my opinion, she shouldn’t have expected to be part of) but I don’t blame them for drawing the line at her wearing heirlooms. It’s not her family, it’s not her stuff.
And she is acting like a brat right now.
The fact that she asked to be in the photo shoot doesn’t sit right with me, and the fact that she demanded your mother’s things is absolutely ridiculous. Your stepmom causing a scene and saying you can’t go if her kid doesn’t get her way crossed over SO MANY lines – the audacity just blows my mind.
I’m glad your dad has your back so far and I hope he continues to do that. I also hope you have a wonderful time at the photo shoot!” BeautifulLiar84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re not your things yet, (it seems like you’ll probably be a bit older to actually own the heirlooms, but I could be wrong) so it’s not your place to say if she can.
It sounds like your mother’s family is trying to preserve the feeling of your old life and don’t feel comfortable bringing in reminders that she has passed, which I completely respect because it’s important you still feel like you have space that is connected to your mother.
I think your step-sister is struggling with feelings of rejection, which can manifest in quite childish ways when you’re a teenager and your brain is still developing.
Not an excuse but I can understand how difficult it can feel to control such deeply hurtful emotions. I do believe she needs to learn to control her outbursts before this becomes her coping technique with rejection, otherwise, she’ll push a lot of people away.
But I think that your SM is the most at blame here because she is the adult that is in charge of making sure her daughter has the opportunity to have healthy relationships with her family and she is doing the opposite right now.
I think she’s expecting your extended family to make up for the hole your step-sister feels with regard to her own. She’s making it your and your siblings’ responsibility right now and that is too much pressure for teenagers with no power over the situation.
I think you should speak to your dad and let him know you need his support because this situation has you doubting yourself and it’s putting pressure on you when you should be looking forward to doing something that will make you feel connected to your mother on a very important birthday.
I also think you and your sibs need to have a conversation with your SM about boundaries but she’ll likely not take it well. She gives me bad vibes. So do what’s best for you. Good luck and happy bday, I think your family traditions sound lovely!” liltooter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You stepsister can wear an heirloom from her mom.
As she is not bio family and it appears never accepted as bio family, she shouldn’t wear YOUR mother’s family’s things. They said no, and that needs to be respected. You did your part, you asked and they turned it down. She can still feel included by incorporating her own family history.
But this should be a discussion between your dad and her mom.
Stepmom is out of line and dad needs to speak with her about why it isn’t appropriate. I can see if it was his side of the family, but they have ZERO ties to your mom’s side it looks like. I get not wanting to feel left out but sometimes people have to be, that’s life.” queenlm1987
7. AITJ For Using My Father's Ex-Wives Against Him?
“My (22F) father (46M) is currently having a tantrum because I didn’t invite his 5th wife (44F I think) to my wedding dress appointment. I want to note here that she came into this family when I was over 18 and I didn’t even meet her till a couple of months before she announced her first pregnancy.
She now has a 3-year-old boy, just got over an infection, and flat out has said even if I did invite her she wouldn’t go because she’s trying to get pregnant again and, due to the global crisis, has pretty much barricaded herself in the house.
With that, I could only have 3 people with me anyway per store policy and they were willing to make an exception to 4 so I could have both my grandmothers (65F and 63F) and 2 of my sisters (14F and 12F) with me since my biological mother couldn’t be with me in person.
My father decided to last minute (literally the morning of) disallow the girls the ability to go despite me paying $250 for a private appointment to abide by his health rules for them. This date was discussed and planned months in advance. I didn’t even hear that he was mad that I didn’t invite #5 until the morning of as well.
This is where I’m unsure if I went too far: I texted him and told him ‘This is what happens when you impregnate anything with mental health issues and a uterus’ because I can’t even invite every wife that had an impact on my life, some who are the biological mothers of my siblings, some who raised me, and that doesn’t even include the women who raised me but never became a wife, due to the sheer amount of them.
The mental health issue jab is because every single wife has had some level of paranoia/anxiety/depression/bipolar that he has a talent for magnifying into a problem.
Apparently, he considers that comment specifically too far and cruel.
Did I go too far?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say it wasn’t ‘too far’ for this reason:
Your father has shown a pattern of exploiting vulnerable women, impregnating them, and then abandoning them. And that’s not on them – that’s 100% on him. And it’s clearly had a massive impact on the children he’s produced with these women. How could you possibly get attached to any of his partners at this point, knowing what’s going to happen?
How many heartbreaks did you have to experience before you learned? How many times did you silence yourself when he brought home a new girl who was just so excited to be with him? How do you look those women in the eye and say ‘it’s nice to meet you too’?
He’s mad because he knows you’re right.
He has thoroughly lost your respect and he isn’t the least bit sorry about it. When he kicks wife #5 to the curb, expect the same entitlement to crop up with wife #6. I only hope #5 has somewhere soft to land with her children.” DiTrastevere
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You absolutely went too far with the way you handled it.
‘Anything with mental health issues and a uterus?’ There is no universe in which that would be acceptable.
You were provoked, but guess what? That’s where adults use words, rather than spewing garbage.
‘Hey – that’s a real jerk move. This was planned for months, and your current wife has said she wouldn’t come anyway.
Your behavior seems unreasonable.’ That’s an appropriate sort of response. You could go further and say you’re angry or hurt, or that his behavior is part of a pattern that makes it difficult to trust him.” MarkedHeart
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not inviting the current wife, especially since she specifically said she didn’t have a problem with it and wouldn’t have come if she was invited. You’re in the clear on that one.
Also NTJ for speaking harshly to your dad and calling him on his nonsense – it sounds like he’s been a negative presence in a lot of lives. However, you’re a little bit of a jerk for insulting the wives to make your point. But your dad is clearly the biggest jerk here; no one had a problem with the appointment plans except him, and he wasn’t even supposed to be involved.” _higglety
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, but mostly him. Wife #5 actually sounds sensible, apart from the part where she shacked up with your philandering father. I understand your frustration and it sounds like this was coming for a while. Your dad doesn’t sound like he’d be the type to be offended easily. I’m sure he’ll get over this quickly, or at least move on to the next drama.” housemuncher
6. AITJ For Not Liking A Surprise Birthday Party?
“On my recent birthday, I told everyone that I wished to spend it alone. The reason is that I’m feeling a bit off generally. I told my mother that I planned of going on a staycation on my own to spend my birthday. I also told her that I didn’t wish to celebrate and wished for only balloons.
My mother then told me that she had let the family know because apparently, my siblings had intended to come over for my birthday. She told me they weren’t coming anymore as I wouldn’t be home.
I went ahead with my plan. When I came home I was expecting to get just home have a shower and rest from the long journey.
It was also very late, 10 pm. However, I entered and saw that apparently, the whole family had come together. I was extra surprised because our family never stays longer than 8 pm no matter what. Everyone should’ve been home by then.
My mother came to tell me that she had organized something. I felt so overwhelmed. I went straight to my room and texted my siblings that I had no intentions of celebrating and I didn’t even feel like wanting to see all of my family members, especially estranged ones.
I was exhausted and just wanted to rest and hoped they go away. My siblings told me that I should’ve let them know earlier as everyone had come and prepared everything just for me. But I had literally no idea they would be there.
Finally, they all went home without a celebration happening. However, now everyone is mad at me for not appreciating their efforts and not even greeting them, and going to my room until they left. My mother even broke out in tears telling me that this is how I treat her for being nice to me.
I reminded her that I had let her know that I didn’t want to celebrate. And that she had also told everyone about my intentions. So I was not expecting a party at all which is exactly what I wanted. And so I was surprised to see that everyone was still there. Because I had no idea at all which just overwhelmed me.
Again I was expecting to come home to just my mother and wanted to sleep.
She told me that she had changed the plans afterward and re-invited everyone because she felt like I was probably expecting a party upon my return.
Now I’m labeled as the bad guy who didn’t appreciate their family’s efforts.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You made your intentions clear to your mom that you just wanted to relax and have no birthday celebration. She took it upon herself to ignore your wishes. While she had good intentions, she did not respect your boundaries. She needs to explain to your family members that came that she made a mistake.
She’s not a jerk, she did this hoping to make you happy, but everyone’s disappointment was due to her error in judgment; not yours.” Azile96
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your mom is the jerk for pulling this crap when you were very clear with her, but also you were the jerk to the rest of your fam who set aside their plans and traveled to celebrate you, not knowing that you had asked to be alone.
At that point, you should have sucked it up at least a little bit to say hi. You still could have expressed that you weren’t feeling well and cut it short, but I think it’s crappy to all the fam that didn’t know the situation to just blow right by them and hole up in your room.” Fun_Avocado1981
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not sure if you live with your mother – if you don’t, and she let herself into your home, then she’s a double jerk for trampling on your wishes/boundaries, and for invading your private space.
(As you might have figured, I hate surprises with a passion. If it was say an arranged dinner – that you’d agreed to – in a restaurant for you and your mother, and siblings were there too, that might be an ok-ish surprise.
But the way your mother did it, no no no.)” BeneficialDark1662
5. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Stepdaughter's Dad About The Hidden Cameras?
“I (M34) got married to my wife Claire 2 years ago, She has a 6-year daughter (my stepdaughter) that she shares custody of with her ex-husband, Adam.
So Adam has not dated anyone ever since he and Claire got separated, Claire always talked about how this was a good thing because she believes that my stepdaughter is better off without a witch stepmom to boss her around and treat her terribly.
Then, Adam started seeing his now-partner about 8 months ago, Claire wasn’t happy about it – in fact – she was livid that Adam introduced my stepdaughter to his partner so soon.
Claire demanded meetings with Adam’s SO to test and see what kind of stepmom she will be for my stepdaughter, I didn’t give it much attention because of the drama and always having MIL involved as well.
However, I very recently found out that Claire installed several cameras in Adam’s house while he and his SO were away on a trip, Claire had the key to Adam’s house because most of my stepdaughter’s stuff is there.
Keep in mind that I found out by looking at the chat Claire had with MIL so she was in on it too, It irked me because that is a total breach of privacy but when I confronted Claire she said she did this because Adam’s SO was going to move in soon and she wanted to see how she treats my stepdaughter, I told her this was wrong but she said it was all temporary til Adam’s SO is in ‘the clear’.
I still wasn’t convinced and suggested she remove the cameras because of the huge legal troubles once Adam finds out but she lost her temper on me saying I should stay out of it because I clearly don’t care about my stepdaughter’s wellbeing and happiness, but she had no evidence or even reason to believe Adam’s SO might mistreat my stepdaughter.
Claire said she just wants to ‘double-check’ and that Adam does not need to know. But I disagreed and said that I will tell him if she won’t remove the cameras which made her lose it on me and get MIL to shut me down and get me to stay in my lane but I couldn’t.
Claire said if I tell Adam then we gonna have a problem and urged me to mind my own business because Adam isn’t more important than my relationship with her so I shouldn’t even entertain the idea of telling him and upsetting claire who is just trying to make sure her daughter’s future stepmom isn’t some witch stepmom in the making.
I still want to tell him but given Claire’s reaction, I’m going to get in trouble for this and it may not be worth it since I and Adam aren’t on good terms.
EDIT: I’ve decided to tell him… there is no way this is going to end well for Claire no matter how hard she tries to downplay the situation.
Yeah, I’m a coward but that is her opinion. I told her that I was not going to get caught in the middle of this whirlpool but she insisted I was the one trying to get involved, still ignoring how messed up her actions were. She can go ahead and turn every argument into a screaming match where I’m the one to blame but I’m getting sick of it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What Claire has done is illegal to the point of a prison sentence. I worked with someone who put a tracker in his then-wife’s car and confirmed she was having an affair because of it. Because he did it secretly, she took him to court and he was prosecuted for stalking and surveillance charges, and only just avoided prison, but paid massive fines and was denied visitation to their children for a while.
Claire has made it worse by illegally entering a home she has no right to (breaking and entering, trespassing) and installing cameras, not just trackers. If Adam finds them, she will be in SO much trouble. Prison trouble. Losing all custody of stepdaughter trouble.
You should absolutely tell Adam. Immediately. He has a right to privacy and safety, for himself and his family, and your wife’s jealousy is NO excuse for her illegal and disturbing behavior.
And that’s what this is – jealousy, masquerading as protectiveness for her daughter. And now that you are aware, if you don’t report it to Adam or the police, you are an accomplice.
You need to strongly reconsider your marriage. This woman is dangerous.” Accomplished-Cheek59
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – So it was okay for her to get married and have her daughter living with you, but he is only now seeing people and she needs to literally watch his life to make sure it’s ok?
Sounds like she rules the roost with her mother and you are only there to pay some bills. Honestly, she doesn’t seem very stable, so take a long look, my man. This is NOT how ANY of this works!
Get some strong legs to stand on – talk to a lawyer to find out about the legality of her actions.
At the very least you BOTH could be sued, or charged and all the way up to her losing custody. (‘I told her it was a bad idea’ won’t keep you out of jail if he presses charges)
This is not normal, nor acceptable nor legal. You very much need to sit her down and tell her if she doesn’t go in and take them down immediately (and you want to see her doing so via those same cameras) you WILL tell him – and if she loses custody – she will have no one to blame but herself.” Babsgarcia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but prepare for a divorce. Cause that’s what will happen and should happen because your wife isn’t thinking correctly and she’s about to get herself in A LOT of trouble. He can take her to court for this and get full custody. As he should. Telling him is the right thing because if he finds them and knows you know, he’ll come after you just not hard, if not harder.
After all, you knew and didn’t say anything. They should be working as a team! They have a 6-year-old in common and this isn’t in the best interest of her, she’s being nosey and trying to stick herself where she doesn’t belong. Putting up cameras at HIS home? Without him knowing?
That’s so gross. Can you imagine if he did that to her? Tell him.” Due-Ad-1871
4. AITJ For Counting My Husband's Bathroom Breaks As Part Of His "Free Time"?
“So my husband has really bad IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), has had it his whole life, we’ve gone to docs and stuff but things don’t seem to work. He spends at least 3 hours a day pooping (he’s not doing other stuff of this I’m sure).
We both work full-time jobs and recently got in a fight about how he doesn’t feel like he has time for housework and chores. I pointed out that if he didn’t spend 3 hours in the bathroom he would have time for both the chores and whatever hobbies he wanted to do but he got mad and said he shouldn’t be penalized with his free time because of a medical condition.
I told him I was at least doing hours of stuff than him per week because he never had any time after work to do them with his extra breaks.
I may be the jerk in this situation because I think he should not get the same amount of ‘free time’. I understand medical conditions (I have the opposite IBS and only go twice a week which is great cause I’m not wasting any bathroom time) but I feel like the time he should put the chores/being an adult first over his fun time even though there may be fewer hours in the day due to the bathroom breaks.
Edit: for clarification, we live in an older home, and I am responsible for cooking, cleaning, pets, and dishes. My SO is supposed to take care of yard work. This doesn’t ever get done because he has no time at the end of the week after work bathroom and hobbies so most of the time I end up doing it so we don’t get fined. He’s had this for years but I won’t say we’ve tried everything, he only sees the doc once a year.
I can’t just stop doing chores because I don’t want to live in filth and when we were going out he kept up his apartment (mostly) and cooked for himself every day.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here in my opinion. You’re being insensitive to his medical condition which can be very embarrassing for some people to handle, and also extremely uncomfortable physically.
But he seems to also be using it as an excuse for why he can’t do anything cause he’d rather have his free time. I’m sure most people would all rather have free time over general house upkeep if it were a choice, but that’s not how life works unless you plan on living in filth or hiring a maid.” Seize_Adventure
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
He cannot help his medical condition, but you’re setting yourselves up for conflict by thinking about household responsibilities in terms of time spent instead of chores accomplished.
You need to break down what chores need doing, and by when, and then assign things relatively equally, keeping in mind that he will do better with more chores with a weekly rather than daily due date, or with a ‘before bedtime’ due date rather than a ‘done by 6 pm’ due date.
Be careful to balance responsibility for the daily-due-date chores so you don’t get stuck with all the dailies, like meals and meal clean-up.” matthewsmugmanager
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Never blame someone for their medical problems, though as someone that goes about 10-12 times a day I can still do household chores. Not saying it’s so easy for him as everyone is different, but If he isn’t doing anything I’d be a lot suspicious as his bathroom problems are the reason.
He should be checked for celiac (if not already). Also, high volumes of acid in the stomach can cause this but also food allergies. As an example- Allergic to beans? well, your way of knowing may be having severe diarrhea.
He needs to see a professional.” hateeveryonebutmydog
3. AITJ For Not Organizing A Separate Wedding Event For My Mother-In-Law?
“My partner and I are discussing marriage very seriously, and will soon be engaged. My partner’s mother heard about this and wanted to talk to me, which I was of course fine with. During our discussion, she made it clear she did not want to be anywhere near her ex-husband or his wife, have any pictures with them AND her in it, and that the night before our wedding (when my partner and I are wanting to have a potluck with everyone involved in the wedding including our family members instead of bachelor/bachelorette parties) she did not want them invited.
As a background, my partner and I are 20 and his parents split when he was 8 or 9. He isn’t sure why they divorced, but all he knows is that everyone in the family said it was a petty dispute with his mother. His mother has always been very vile in her speech about the father. It makes it very hard on my partner.
I told her that we are tight on finances, so I cannot have a separate event for her and them, and both of them would be invited. I also said that we will have photos with each side of the family, and separate ones with just her and just him to respect the fact that they are divorced. I also told her that since it is a small wedding, she did not need to sit near them and that both of them would be involved in the wedding anyway (I am very close with my partner’s stepmom so she is a bridesmaid, and my FIL is walking me down the aisle).
I also told her that wedding dress shopping would include her, my partner’s stepmom, my mom, my best friend, and my cousin. She did not have to go, but I wanted them involved. She offered to pay for the extra events, but I said no because this wedding is to join our families, and my partner and I want everyone involved.
She got angry and so did my partner who called me insensitive to his mother’s problems, which confused me greatly because he told me he does not want to enable her anymore and trusted my judgment. After explaining he seems to be more on my side, but I don’t know. AITJ?
EDIT: My partner is on my side, he was frustrated because of the conversation he had with his mother and projected it onto me but apologized after.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – of course not. The way you have described it is perfectly acceptable and would be considered sensitive and thoughtful by most sane people. Your partner probably got an ear full from his mom and took his frustration out on you. The only problem your MIL has is that she is an unforgiving harpy who can’t even pretend to be at least aloof during her son’s wedding.
The best you can do is invite her to events. Whether or not she chooses to attend is completely up to her. For her son’s sake, I hope she can pull her head out of her butt and pretend to be a grownup for a little while.” Alarming_Paper_8357
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she is the one causing the issue, she needs to put her big girl pants on and******* up buttercup and be respectful for 36 hours.
If she can’t do that, she will be the one punished and banished. Do not reward her bad behavior, make it clear that her bad behavior will result in her being punished, not everyone else. If she still wants separate pictures, fine. Do everyone one else’s picture first, make hers last like an afterthought. If she gets mad, reply she is being accommodated. Since she couldn’t put aside her differences for her son’s wedding, you have separated her from the rest.” Buttercup303
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You offered a compromise in various forms. You informed her of what to expect so she can make her decisions on how to handle it. You respected her feelings. The only thing you didn’t do was do as she wished.
Talk to your partner. Show him bullet points for each problem and each solution you offered. Remind him you both decided you will not exclude FIL & wife as you love them and have a good close relationship with them.
Remind him it’s your wedding day. Remind him MIL is an adult and her beef with FIL is a decade old at least and she can rise above her selfishness and******* up for 3 hours or choose to opt-out of some of the activities if she can’t play well with others.” Fancy-Meaning-8078
2. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Get Over Herself?
“My sisters Lori (25f) and Nat (31f) are not talking to each other at all.
And it was because of a lying ex. Over a year and a half ago Nat found out he was a serial womanizer. Lori happened to be one of the girls he was having an affair with.
But neither had a clue. Nat never brought her ex around to meet the family so there was no way to know it was him.
Lori didn’t break up with him however because she found out she was pregnant so that’s where the falling out came from.
The dad (Nat’s ex) was in an accident and passed away when Lori was 7 months pregnant. My nephew is 4 months old. But unfortunately, Lori isn’t doing well. She got diagnosed with postpartum depression.
She’s been getting help but then there was an incident and she’s just not in the right place at the moment
I’m (29M) taking care of my nephew and have been for almost 2 months while my mom is there with Lori.
Nat is staying with me for a few weeks and hasn’t been fun. She doesn’t interact with my nephew at all, which is fair because he’s a baby and he’s my responsibility but the way she acts… I don’t like it.
Sometimes she looks at him from his swing or crib and says he’s so ugly she’s glad she didn’t reproduce with that piece of work (her ex). Dirty looks or comments, and never wants to hold or have anything to do with him. He’ll cry because he’s hungry and she’ll say ‘shut it up already’ or ‘he whines worse than (ex’s name).’ I told her to knock it off with the comments already towards a literal infant.
She doesn’t see the big deal since he’s a baby and doesn’t understand. Then brings up again what his dad did to her and this is all on Lori for having a baby. Sure whatever she can feel however she wants about our sister but I don’t like the hostility towards my nephew. It’s not even that she doesn’t like babies, she’s different from our baby cousins and our other niece.
She just doesn’t like him because of Lori and her ex.
I’ve tried not to let it get to me but I guess this morning was my breaking point. My nephew was crying because he was hungry and I just barely sat on the couch to feed him. Asked her if she could give me his burp cloth from the table because she was closer.
Her comment was she’s not touching anything he’s touched. I was so frustrated. And I remember telling her to grow up already and get over herself because this is an innocent baby. She got lied to, that’s terrible but move on and not everything is about her. This was all stuff I’ve wanted to say for a while but I was trying to be sensitive about what happened. Safe to say Nat didn’t talk to me at all today.
My mom told me Nat called her crying. Neither of us agrees with how she’s treating the baby but thinks I was way too insensitive about what she went through. I’ve been lied to and I know it hurts. But this really fed me up. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is entirely out of line and sooner or later, this will affect the nephew.
Has she ever been to therapy with this whole situation? Cause I think at this point, it should very heavily be suggested and eventually be a must if she ever wants to see her nephew again, even though this is of course his mother’s decision.
She likely never had the chance to really find closure here, and I do have to say that Lori isn’t completely innocent here if she remained in a relationship after figuring out he was going out with her sister, but this isn’t the issue here.
Your sister is targeting a child and she is clearly, deeply mentally unwell. Taking it out on him is never okay though. While I do feel bad about her, she is bullying an infant which such intense hatred that I would be worried about having her around if she gets that angry. Kids pick up on a lot.
I hope both your sisters can recover, and that you, your mom, and kiddo will get out of this mess relatively unscathed.” ILikeSealsALot
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Nat needs to grow up but she also needs help. She’s hurt by her ex and her sister’s actions. Her sister knew what was happening and decided to stay with the guy; so obviously Nat will be mad.
It sounds like she needs support to deal with the trauma of seeing the physical result of that infidelity.
You are very dismissive of your sister and her feelings. Yes, your nephew is important but she probably feels like both her sisters don’t care about her. And honestly, nothing in your comments to your sister even indicates that you like her, much less love her.
This situation is messy and you are making it messier.” Whatever2030
Another User Comments:
“Nope. She’s creating a damaging atmosphere for that child. Babies aren’t stupid, they pick up on bad vibes and they understand the tone of voice. Stress is bad for their development so she needs to understand there are consequences to her actions here beyond the immediately obvious.
The fact that she is clinging onto this vitriol for the father and projecting it onto the baby, instead of showing love, support, and compassion for the baby, OP, and the baby’s mum, seems really unhealthy here.
It sounds like she is either massively childish (and needed a good kick up the a**e, whatever your mum says) or is actually depressed herself and needs to get into therapy as soon as possible to help deal with what sounds like anger issues and excessive rumination (both signs of depression if I recall correctly).
NTJ, OP – you have a lot to deal with here and she needed to hear it. You’re doing a wonderful thing caring for the baby. Once this blows over a little maybe you can help your sister talk it through and see if she actually needs some help.” help-iminascrollhole
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Nat is clearly being a jerk, but she’s clearly hurting and you should try and get her to get help. Also, you said she mostly doesn’t interact with him – great you should push for that it’s not realistic for her to adore this kid because of his parents but she can at least not be horrible to him.
Next Lori is also a jerk, she chose a guy over her sister which seems to have messed a lot up. The ex is also a jerk for being a lying jerk. And you’re the least jerk of them all but you need to understand she doesn’t want to interact with the kid so don’t ask her for help or try and make her until she got help and is ready, also it’s your job to protect the kid so you need to sort this out this issue instead of letting it go and only getting upset over something she’s allowed to do and only affects you (just not handing you a cloth).” 244666668888888
1. AITJ For Letting My Teenage Kid Express Her Opinion?
“MIL is kind of an odd woman and has some quirky beliefs.
One thing she feels very strongly about is when her son married he became an extended family vs a ‘real family’. As a result, she doesn’t make much effort and hardly knows her grandkids. According to her only real family is her husband.
MIL made up a rule when my husband was 17 and going out with me that he could never bring a partner to Christmas.
Christmas was only for a real family and MIL was totally aware that meant she would never spend another Christmas with her son again. She loves December and we don’t even usually see her during the month. It’s been going on since then and for 13 years of marriage and I find it bizarre but she is who she is.
Recently we had dinner with mil and my kids. We do this about twice a year and it is the only time she sees them. One questioned why we’ve never spent a holiday on my husband’s side and I explained MIL’s rule.
My 13-year-old loves Reddit and probably reads it a bit too much and called MIL a narcissist and a JustNoMIL (a mother-in-law who just says no all the time.
LOL, we read that sub together, she has good taste) MIL got annoyed and said my daughter is entitled and MiL doesn’t owe us Christmas and wants to spend it with her only real family. That was that but after dinner mil told my husband that we were rude for a bit reprimanding our daughter and she needs to learn to shut up when it isn’t her business.”
Another User Comments:
“If your MIL wishes to set boundaries, that’s her prerogative, regardless of how arbitrary and nonsensical they seem to you. Consider it a gift – many families have vigorous arguments about whose family to visit at holiday times. You don’t have that conflict. And if this means you have limited contact with your MIL, who you’ve judged to be ‘bizarre’, ‘quirky’, and ‘strange’, then it’s no skin off your back.
As for your daughter, I would suggest you caution her about her use of language. People too often use ‘narcissist’ without understanding that it is a clinical diagnosis, not a casual opinion. Unless she’s a 13-year-old Ph.D., she is being rude in an attempt to sound smarter than she is. She is entitled to feel resentful toward her grandmother without playing armchair psychologist.
YTJ” SamW20910
Another User Comments:
“Normal House rule: everyone is entitled to their opinion. We do not shut our kids down for having one that doesn’t correspond with others’ views.
Inlaws house rule: real family is only who shares the house and under 17. After that house owners wash away their hands from people, with no obligations or commitments.
As you are not a ‘close real family’ she doesn’t get automatic respect as an elder, just an old weird person. She doesn’t have the authority to complain about her upbringing. And as she is not a real family to your kids she has no say in their upbringing, she can criticize your kid’s manners all she wants but she has no bearing on you as she excluded herself as family.
She is being weird if she doesn’t want to be judged on that behavior she should change how she behaves towards ‘not real family’.
Clearly NTJ.” Fancy-Meaning-8078
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Spending with the real family rule is stupid yes. But it’s her home, her life, and her rules. It’s weird and insensitive – but she’s happy with that.
Some people want to celebrate with a large family, some want to limit it. Maybe she doesn’t want to spend too much on gifts/maybe she doesn’t want to break her back hosting for all. Who knows? But it works for her. Ever heard of live and let live?
13-year-old hanging out on the ‘Just No MIL’ page?
Very inappropriate. She’s still a child. How much of life has she seen to conclude that your MIL is a narcissist? Even trained professionals do not conclude so easily. She meets her grandmother twice a year and this is what you’re encouraging? Granted MIL isn’t doing any favor to see her grandchild – still it was out of line.
Your strained relationship with your MIL is impacting how she sees her grandmother. It’s not healthy. No matter what weird rule your MIL has, the fact that she’s your husband’s mother and your child’s grandmother – will not change.
If the weird rule is a problem, adults need to speak up. Not children being rude.
Nothing will be gained this way. If you want MIL to spend more time with your family, it can’t be achieved by being on her face.” Straight-Example9126
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your MIL sounds like she either never bonded with her own kid or is still mad that her adult son left the nest. No argument from me that she sucks.
Either way, she’s a jerk parent and grandparent. Your daughter actually gets a pass from me. She was harsh and snotty, but she’s 13, and lashing out at someone who has treated her as ‘not real family’ is both developmentally appropriate and earned.
You, on the other hand… WHAT are you DOING encouraging your impressionable teen to browse one of the most poisonous, dysfunctional communities on all of Reddit?!?
Your daughter has enough to deal with in terms of her own hurt at your MILs rejection of her, she doesn’t need to help you process your own resentment as well.” neobeguine
