People Demand For Us To Speak Our Minds Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Not Letting Someone With A Pregnant Friend Cut In Line?
“So today I (22f) was at a coffee shop and I was like 2nd in line to order when a pregnant lady and her friend came up and just stood beside me and asked if they could go next. Now I was really hungry and tired and it was around 4 in the afternoon and I didn’t eat anything since the previous night.
The place was also like really hot and I have a habit of fainting under those exact circumstances: no food and extreme heat.
So I told them sorry but no they can’t order before me. Then the friend of the pregnant lady told me that if I didn’t notice, the lady was pregnant so they really just wanted to order so she could sit down.
I then said, ‘Unless you’re pregnant as well, why don’t you just let the pregnant lady sit down and you join the back of the line and order for the both of you.’
The friend got visibly annoyed so they walked to the back of the line.
There were like 4 or 5 people behind me so that made them like the 6th person to order.
It was then my turn to order so I just did and went about my day but now that I’m thinking about it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
When you make the decision to let someone cut in front of you in line, you’re not just impacting yourself. You’re impacting every person behind you – who, I guarantee, is just as irritated at the overprivileged line-cutter as you are.
If I were behind you in line, and you had let them cut in line, you’d have felt daggers coming from my eyes into the back of your head.
If they have an actual medical emergency… they probably shouldn’t be ordering coffee and scones.
Otherwise, your suggestion is entirely reasonable.” Biokabe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She was annoyed because you were right. There’s no reason the non-pregnant friend couldn’t order both of them and allow her pregnant friend to sit.
Seems to me that they just didn’t want to wait in line.
And on top of that how messed up is it that they decided to jump to you and not ask the other 5-6 people behind you if it was ok for them to go ahead? Very entitled.” makeshiftmarty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They implied they needed to get in front of you due to a ‘problem’ (being pregnant) and you suggested another solution that accommodates this ‘problem’ pretty well. Which they then didn’t do. The fact the pregnant one didn’t go sit tells me they were lying about their reason and you called their bluff pretty well.
I also want to mention, there were multiple people behind you that they DIDN’T ask about cutting in front of; they only asked you. I think you did right by all those folks as well.” gyokuro8882
20. WIBTJ If I Don't Enroll My Daughter To My Stepdaughter's Ballet Studio?
“I (f29) have one daughter, Lux (f4), with my husband (m40).
My husband used to be married to Anna (f36) and they have a daughter together, Miley (f12).
My daughter has recently been begging to start dance lessons since her gramma showed her pictures and videos of me dancing when I still took lessons.
She is also obsessed with the Barbie movies which all revolve around ballet. I’m super happy that she has taken to dance because I loved dance when I was a kid. I brought this up with my husband and he said I should enroll her in the same dance school as my stepdaughter, Miley.
I have a couple of problems with this: A) Miley’s studio is highly competitive and is a very big commitment for a four-year-old, I also don’t want her to lose her love for dance because of the pressure to win.
B) I don’t like the costumes that Miley’s studio dresses their children in (think bra tops or leotards (without tights or a skirt) on even the little ones) C) I have a close personal connection to a different studio in town because I danced at it for years after I moved to this town and taught there for a couple of years after I graduated as well.
I brought this up with my husband and he said it would cause unhealthy competition between the girls as well as if they were at different competitions on the same day I wouldn’t be able to bring the girls to both competitions.
I pointed out that I very rarely have to bring Miley to a competition anyway, plus the studio I want Lux to go to doesn’t send their dancers to competitions anyway until they’re at least 8 at which point Miley would be 16 and wouldn’t need rides, but he said that he’s more worried about how the girls dancing at different studios would pin them against each other even if their age gap meant they never directly competed against each other.
The studio I’d like my daughter to go to is also known to go head-to-head with Miley’s studio at many competitions. My husband has since gotten Miley’s mom involved too and she has been texting me saying I’m asking for the girls to have a bad relationship and that I should be thinking about my family and not just my daughter.
I’d like to think that Miley would be mature enough to not get competitive towards a little kid, especially since she’ll be 16 by the time Lux starts competing, and Lux adores her big sister and I don’t think would ever try to contradict her but now I’m not sure that this is the right decision since all my family is telling me I’m going to hurt their relationship.”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. You know the studio is super competitive and you do t want that for your daughter. I think everyone’s taking the possibility of competition way too seriously (which to me shows that the studio has warped their minds).
In 4 years your daughter might not even like dance anymore, Miley might have found something else. It’s honestly a bit insane worrying about the future dance competitions of your kindergartener. Besides, when would an 8-year-old compete against a 16-year-old?
I think it’s one of those instances in which people feel attacked when you refuse to take the same choices. Maybe they feel judged because they have pushed their girl into the competitive side of dancing?” randomoverthinker_
Another User Comments:
“No, your husband’s ex-wife has no say in how you would like to raise your daughter. You have the best interest of YOUR daughter in mind and they have another interest in mind for THEIR daughter. Blended families are sometimes hard to deal with but stick to your guns and tell them you used to dance and work for this studio you have in mind and that’s the only place you’d enroll your daughter because they are less competitive and your daughter is still very young.
NTJ” VictoriousSeahorse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, first off this was a decision you and your husband need to make about YOUR child. The ex doesn’t need to be involved so I would definitely shut that crap down now. I would tell your husband when it comes to your daughter you do not coparent with his ex.
Her options are not wanted not needed on where you send your child.
Secondly since he seems to be not listening to you it may be time to be brutally honest. Tell him that he and his ex may be ok with the skimpy costumes that step daughters studio makes mandatory your not.
You didn’t say anything because it was never any of your business unlike the ex you know how to stay in your lane. Also tell him at this age you want it to be about learning how to dance and not how to be competitive.
Then I would say that if their daughter is so competitive that it ruins a relationship with her sister over a dance competition then they have failed as parents. The but winning over family.
Is it me or was there recently a big sporting event that pitted 2 brothers against each other that actually get paid big funds in this event.
Hum? So my point is they would not be the first pair of siblings competing against each other.
I see far more problems if you put them in the same studio. Especially as they get older. The older may feel the younger daughter is copying her and trying to take attention away from her.
And what if the other one becomes better? In the same studio, they would constantly get compared. Like sister a can do this why can’t you? Or sister b is so much better at this?” gramsknows
NJH. I think you just need to tell them straight out, "This one is my studio. It's the studio I danced at, taught at and I'm comfortable with. I'm sorry if that bothers you, but a little healthy competition never hurt any of us.
19. WIBTJ If I Report An Incident That Involves A Toddler At The Gym?
“I went to the gym yesterday and as soon as I walked in I heard this god-awful screaming. At first, I thought it might be one of the workout machines making a high-pitched squeaking, but when I went up to the workout room I noticed that there was a little toddler playing by the weights and screaming its head off.
The screaming was so loud that I heard it in the locker room, through my headphones, and even when I went to the other workout room on the floor below to get away from the sound.
There was a woman working out who was clearly the mom, and a guy who was working out with her that I thought might have been her trainer.
At one point the woman even set up a little playpen for the kid and blocked off two other machines. This kid screamed for over an hour, and I watched two people walk into the gym, notice the kid screaming and just leave.
The screaming was so loud that I wasn’t able to finish my workout and had to leave early. At no point did any employees tell this woman and her kid to leave, even though the gym rules (which are posted on the wall for everyone to read) clearly state that no one under 13 is allowed in the gym.
The reason that I didn’t complain yesterday was that I assumed that the lady working out was a single mom, and the guy was a trainer and I tried to be compassionate in case maybe her babysitter canceled and this was a one-time thing.
But as I was leaving early from the workout, I saw that guy that I assumed was the trainer bouncing the kid up and down and kissing it so it was clearly the dad. So I don’t understand why they couldn’t have left the kid at home then and not ruined other people’s workouts.
Would I be a jerk if I complained to the staff about the incident today? They have cameras so they can look back and see the toddler incident for themselves.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s incredibly dangerous to have a toddler in the gym, and I guarantee you that their management would not be okay with them being unattended while Mom worked out.
Not only could the baby get hurt, but they could cause injury to someone else in so many different ways. You should complain, though they won’t be able to do anything unless you let them know when this is occurring.” Beginning-Brain3009
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The kid doesn’t belong there. Period. When its parents heard it screeching then they immediately should have stopped what they were doing and handled it. No excuses for that. I would 100% say something to prevent it from happening again.” kcbrand5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Always report this kind of thing. It’s dangerous and irresponsible. One of the reasons so many people became anti-kid is because people just lost their sense of boundaries and you can’t get any kid-free spaces. Kids shouldn’t be in gyms for adults, they shouldn’t be in bars, and they shouldn’t be in R-rated movies.
People don’t take screaming kids outside anymore. Adults deserve their own spaces and people with kids need to respect that.” slendermanismydad
18. AITJ For Leaving My Significant Other's Birthday Party?
“My (22M) significant other (23F) and I have been together officially for 4 months but we had been non-exclusively seeing each other for about a year prior to us making our relationship exclusive.
She had a birthday party last weekend, and it was disco themed. I’m not a fan of disco, but because I love my SO, I went.
I showed up with a couple of my friends and after about an hour we were all getting tired of the music and decided we were gonna go out to the bars and I told my SO I would come back to help her clean up.
She asked me if I could stay and that it meant a lot to her, but I just wasn’t feeling the music and wanted to go. I told her I wasn’t having a lot of fun but that I would be back to help clean up and take her home.
I left with my friends and after 20 minutes she ended up texting me and said don’t bother coming back and that she has help from her friends and that her mother would take her home.
Things have been really weird since then and she told me what I did was rude and inconsiderate of her feelings and that she wanted me there.
I told her at least I showed up even though that was not my type of setting and she should be grateful that I came, and I didn’t need to be there the whole party.
She started saying how she always does things that only spark my interest, which is true, but I reminded her that she isn’t required to do that and the conversation started to feel manipulative.
I just feel like she should be more grateful for the things I do and not be stuck on the few things I don’t. I feel like my at least showing up was really nice and I even offered to come back and clean up but she said no.
She started backtracking and saying that she would understand if I went home but is upset I left to go do stuff with my friends and not that I just left, but why should I have to stay home while she is out having fun?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She’s your partner, dude. It was her BIRTHDAY, and you brought friends to her party, hung out with them and when they were bored after an hour you dipped, and went to a bar.
Even though she asked you not to and to spend some time with her, and that it would mean a lot to her. You suck, bro.
Your friends could have left, you didn’t need to go with them. This is someone you say you love.
I fully do not understand it. Do you hate disco more than you love your SO?
Calling her manipulative is so uncalled for. She pointed out that she does stuff that she’s not interested in with you because you enjoy them.
You seem really selfish. And she wanted to have fun WITH you. After you left her party, she likely didn’t have any fun.” nomusicnolove
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You claim you love her but couldn’t handle one day of doing something she wants on her birthday.
Are you ever thankful or grateful that she does stuff with you that she doesn’t enjoy but puts up with? She’s putting effort into the relationship, I don’t see how you putting in an hour and then ditching with friends to a bar is putting in the same level of effort.
Relationships are about compromise and not always doing what you want. Telling her she should be grateful her SO even bothered to show up is laughable. I would have dumped you on the spot. You don’t sound ready for an actual relationship if this is how you treat your SO.
Especially on her birthday.” fIumpf
Another User Comments:
“Dude you really need to sit down and reevaluate if you’re even ready for a relationship because it sounds like you are woefully underprepared for one. You say you’ve had nothing but toxic relationships in the past, but if I’m being honest your behavior and post comes off as nothing but toxic.
I wonder if your previous partners were the toxic ones, or if it was really you the entire time.
YTJ, it’s not even a question. It’s her birthday party. You should be there my guy. Just because you ‘don’t like it’ doesn’t mean you shouldn’t support her.
Like that’s literally what a relationship entails, supporting each other and doing things together even if you might not personally enjoy it – if your partner enjoys doing it it is enough of a reason. Like you two aren’t clones of each other.
There is a countless number of things that you may enjoy but she doesn’t and vice-versa. Does that mean that you two should never do any of those things that you personally enjoy together just because one person isn’t the biggest fan?
You’re basically saying that you want nothing to do with your partner’s interests, hobbies, or desires. This is equivalent to saying that you don’t really want a partner and you just want someone to be your entertainment when it’s convenient for you.
If I were your partner, this would have been the only reason I would’ve needed to break up with you because it’s such a massive declaration of your intent and perspective on what a relationship should be – and it’s nothing but an incredibly selfish and toxic one.
I’m surprised she hasn’t left you already, truly.” TheRealSnazzy
17. AITJ For Being Mad At The Parent Of An Autistic Kid?
“I (27f) was recently at a mall with friends and I had to use the restroom.
I was minding my own business when I saw a small hand grab the bottom of the door and started pushing it. I thought ‘Oh god’ but I said, ‘Someone’s in here.’ The person, with her hand still on the bottom of the door, started shaking it because the door was locked. I said ‘Someone’s in here’ louder.
I heard someone call out a name and they stopped. Then I noticed that a little girl started crawling into the stall while I was thinking ‘What?!?!’ The girl looked about 6 or 7-ish and she was smiling at me.
I immediately got up, pulled my pants up, then flushed so I can get out. I told the girl to get out and asked where her mom is. She pointed to a stall next to mine when a woman came out.
I looked at her and said ‘Do you know what your daughter just did? She crawled into the stall while I was in there. Can you keep a better eye on her?’
Her mom made a face and told me ‘So what?
She has autism. You wouldn’t know what it’s like.’ Which made me mad so I responded with ‘Yeah and? That’s more of a reason to be a better parent and keep her from doing something like this. I’m not mad at the kid.
I’m mad at you for acting defensively. For the love of God, don’t use her disability as an excuse to be defensive about it.’ Then I turned around and left after I washed my hands.
My friends asked what took me so long and I explained what just happened. They all think I’m a jerk for not having more empathy for the mom… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When did being a kid or having autism give anyone the right to violate another human being’s privacy or personal space? Rather than apologizing for not watching her child, she tried to use autism as an excuse.
If she knows her child does not know how to behave in a bathroom and will possibly violate someone else privacy while using the restroom then she should have brought her child into the stall with her to keep a better eye on her.” Such-Awareness-2960
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, I thought you were going to tell a story of a two-year-old crawling in from a nearby stall for a second. Not a 7-year-old! It doesn’t matter if she has a disability or not she should not have been crawling into stalls.
If she doesn’t have the capacity to understand that is not appropriate behavior then the kid shouldn’t be left alone outside of her moms stall. And this mom shouldn’t respond so what to her kid being inappropriate.
She should apologize and try to use this as a lesson to teach her daughter appropriate behavior.” Rad_kerr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not gonna lie. I really cannot stand those ‘poor me’ parents of autistic children. They don’t take accountability for their child’s actions.
They put the burden on the community to be understanding of their child’s trashy behaviors. The burden is on them not on you. I would’ve definitely pushed the kid away from my stall with my foot. It drives me insane.
They’ll bring their kid to a PARADE and then complain about the police cars and firetruck sirens or party poppers because their kid doesn’t like loud noises. My issue is not with the children, just the parents. I know they’re tired, but it’s not my job.” Worried-Hedgehog3405
16. AITJ For Not Dividing My Parents' Inheritance Equally?
“I (29M) and my two brothers Steve (27) and Harry (24) recently lost our mother in January, quite unexpectedly, a couple of years after our dad died.
Harry has disabilities and won’t ever live fully independently, but he’s not entitled to any other support (and he’d react badly to it too because of his autism) – but the key thing here is he isn’t working and probably never will.
My parents, in agreement with my brothers, left me all of their possessions to ‘distribute as I see fit’ between me, Steve, and Harry – with the assumption that Harry would benefit more from a greater share of their savings than Steve or I, to pay rent on the council flat he’s received and living costs.
As a family, we all agreed this was best – not least as Harry’s becoming more independent as time goes on, and maybe one day he’ll be able to get a job and earn a modest living.
Sadly that’s not happened before my mum’s death – and now I don’t know what to do.
I think keeping funds back for Harry feels smartest, but Steve wants a third of everything now. I’ve suggested we all take a smaller share (10%) for now and keep the rest to support Harry, and then if he doesn’t need it in the future then obviously Steve will get his share of a third.
Steve isn’t happy and is calling me a jerk. He won’t answer my calls and his friends are blowing up at me. This situation feels unwinnable as I want to support Harry but can see Steve’s side – thinking maybe I should just give him a third, even if it means I end up not receiving anything.
AITJ for holding firm?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You were put in charge of the funds for this reason. However, death and funds always create problems. Your options are: just give your older brother his third and never talk funds again.
Or, give each a percentage like you said and put the remainder in a trust for your younger brother. You will be talking funds from here on out though. Can you live with that? It might be best to do option 1 for a peaceful living.
It is up to you to take your third too. If you will be a caretaker of the sort, then you probably deserve it. God bless and good luck!” MS_Lady66
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents left it up to you to distribute their possessions as you see fit, and you all agreed that Harry should benefit more from the inheritance due to his disabilities and lack of income.
It’s understandable that Steve wants his fair share, but it’s important to prioritize Harry’s needs at this time. Your suggestion of taking a smaller share now and keeping the rest to support Harry is a reasonable compromise. If Harry doesn’t end up needing the funds in the future, then Steve will receive his full share.
It’s unfortunate that Steve is upset, but ultimately, you’re doing what’s best for your family.” DeliaElijahy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your parents left you in charge of the possessions for a reason; Harry is disabled, and Steve is selfish.
This is exactly why you were chosen.
Stand your ground and respect the intentions of your parents.
And Steve’s friends need to mind their own business. What are they thinking; your mother just died and you’ll have to take on overseeing your disabled brother but somehow they think they have the right to complain to you about something that is none of their business.
Consider this, if Harry is never independent and your parents’ funds runs out, who do you think will be shouldered with his expenses?
Steve needs to stop being greedy.” ComputerCrafty4781
15. AITJ For Wanting To Eat Alone?
“I (30 F) and my partner (32M) moved in together last year after being together for ten years. Part of the reason it took us so long to move in together is because of my disordered eating habits, when I’m stressed I have to eat alone.
When I was younger my relationship with food was difficult and I received mental health help but never a real diagnosis. Now I’m mostly fine with eating, it only manifests when I’m stressed and never lasts more than a week.
I can eat, I do eat but it has to be alone. Even at work, I hide in the cupboard when I’m too stressed over eating in the staffroom.
My partner is refusing to let me eat alone and not only am I now stressed but I’m hungry, tired, and feeling guilt over not eating so I snapped. He insists it’s helping but it’s not because I can’t eat, all I’ve had is a tin of soup at work for the past few days because he’s been following me around the house despite me explaining the issue.
It all ended in a giant fight last night where I told him to get out, things were said on both sides. I woke up this morning and he was gone leaving a text message saying he was going out for the day.
On the one hand, I’m grateful, I’m feeling less stressed already and have made myself a good full breakfast. Now I’m feeling bad for snapping but an even greater jerk for threatening to kick him out over this when I know he’s trying to help, he’s just not.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Eating is one of the most important necessities in life, and when there is any threat to it, I think it’s a pretty normal reaction to lash out. Forcing someone to do something is never the right way to deal with a problem, and having a good relationship with food is actually quite hard to achieve from my experience, which many ‘normal’ people fail to understand.
You’re good, OP. Don’t worry.” Rash_Raccoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I understand that he wants to help with this problem you experience but this is the opposite of helpful.
I wonder if you can get some therapy specific to eating disorders to help you with this.
It sounds enormously difficult for you to do even without your partner’s recent behavior.
And if you involve your partner in that process he may be more willing to follow the advice of the therapist if they can make sure he understands what would be and would not be helpful.
But either way, you’ve made it clear what you need and he’s overriding your needs. That’s a jerk move even if he thinks he’s helping.” YouSayWotNow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For some reason, it seems now – 10 years into your relationship – he’s concluded that if he doesn’t leave you alone and stalks you around the house it could ‘break you’ of your disordered eating habits.
Even if his actions had been well-meant (though ill-thought through), he was adding to your stress, preventing you from eating, and if he meant well he should surely have cared enough about your well-being to back off days ago, well before the fight, when it became evident his idea wasn’t working.” Ok-Status-9627
14. AITJ For Making My Brother And Niece Stay At A Hotel?
“My (34F) brother ‘John’ (29M) has a kid ‘Emily’ (12F) who has ADHD. The plan was that they would stay with me at my house for a few days so that they could celebrate Emily’s birthday with me.
John told me beforehand that, due to Emily’s ADHD, she would bring some fidget toys with her, and I said that that’s fine, as long as she wouldn’t leave them lying around or make a mess (I like to keep a tidy and clean house – my home growing up was always filthy and I couldn’t stand it).
When they arrived, I saw that one of the ‘fidget toys’ John had told me about was that horrid slime stuff, and she was playing/fiddling with it when she walked in.
I absolutely detest it, it just makes a sticky mess, so I asked her if she had brought anything else to fiddle with, and she said she forgot her bag of fidget stuff so she only had this.
I didn’t want her to be in distress, and I myself have autism so I also have things for stimming with. I offered them to Emily to see if she wanted them instead, but she said no because she only really likes to fiddle with her own stuff.
I told her that’s okay but her slime isn’t allowed to leave the room she’ll be sleeping in, because that room isn’t carpeted.
On the second day of their visit, she went up to me, crying, saying she’d got some of the slime on the floor.
I expected it to be on the floor of her own bedroom, where I could get it off relatively easily, but she led me to MY bedroom, and it was stuck in the carpet.
I told her to leave the room, and that I would deal with it, not shouting or raising my voice but probably with clenched teeth as I was pretty angry at not only a violation of the rules I had set up but also of my privacy (she’s visited before and knows that my room is out of bounds to her).
I managed to clean it, but the dye in it left a stain. I told John that while we could still do all the activities we’d planned, he and Emily had to stay in a hotel for the rest of their trip, as I couldn’t trust that this wouldn’t happen again.
I offered to pay half of the costs, but John declined.
It still was a good trip, and Emily had fun on her birthday, but John is nevertheless angry with me for forcing him to pay for a hotel just because Emily made a mistake.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. That’s an overreaction plain and simple. You could have easily used the opportunity to explain to her this is why the slime doesn’t leave your room. No permanent damage or major inconveniences were involved, so pretty minor infraction for a 12-year-old.
Child-free people are always mad when a child isn’t a perfectly behaved little robot. They’re people and they are going to do things they’re not supposed to, that is a guarantee for every single person in the world.
They will rebel and try to explore their own independence. Especially ages 12-17.
You’re making your brother and his daughter know they are not welcome in your home because she acted like a 12-year-old with some developmental issues.” No-Dragonfly-8679
Another User Comments:
“Wow. This is a really tough one. I think if Emily tried to hide the mess or make up excuses about how the slime got there, then you would not be the jerk to toss them out.
But in fact, she at least acted like she was sorry. That kinda makes the punishment seem worse than the crime.
But only kinda. You had several reasonable boundaries and she ignored them all. So there were consequences. I think she will behave better in the future when she visits because she knows you’re serious.
That will make those future visits nicer for everyone.
Gotta add it up to NTJ for you, while brother is a jerk for not making sure Emily had the things she needed to enjoy the trip.” MombaHuyamba
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your niece literally has difficulty with executive functioning and impulse control. With that condition and at that age she may have literally not even realized she had the slime in her hands when she left her room. She also may have literally dropped it without any conscious action.
Is it reasonable to be upset? Sure. So you make your brother pay to have your carpet cleaned and talk to him about supervising his child and/or ensuring she has guest-friendly fidgets.
Kicking them out wasn’t a consequence for your niece.
She either didn’t notice it at all or felt rejected/shamed. It certainly didn’t teach her anything.” MeanestGoose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your home, you set boundaries and they were ignored. You are very rigid in your rules about your home in a way that isn’t uncommon for autistics OR for people who were raised in unclean surroundings and it isn’t unreasonable in the slightest.
Your niece may be 12 but I disagree with those saying she should know better as among the well-known traits of ADHD is impulsiveness and not always following the rules. This is the nature of the condition and not her fault.
Your brother should have figured out by now that his daughter’s ability to remember all her fidgets without prompting is impaired due to her condition, therefore when going away for a period of time especially where the surroundings are new and she may be dysregulated at times it’s on him to check she has everything she needs.
He also should know by now that you would struggle with the slime (I won’t let my kids take slime anywhere else, it stays at ours – but they have some great squishy oobleck-filled balls that provide a very similar sensation without the mess).
From what you have said it sounds like you handled the situation very well, you still had fun with your niece for her birthday, no residual divide between you and her despite the discomfort her mistake had caused you and the upset she had felt when she realized her mistake.
I have heard of people losing their minds for less and kids left devastated.” Dazzling-Health-5147
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give Up My Tips To Save The Restaurant?
“I (24F) have been working at a small, family-owned restaurant as a server for the past three years. I genuinely love my job, the people I work with, and the regular customers we have. Recently, the restaurant has been struggling financially due to a combination of factors, including the ongoing global crisis and increased competition in the area.
Last week, the owner, who is also the head chef, held a staff meeting. He explained that the restaurant was on the verge of going under and asked if we would be willing to donate some of our tips to help keep the business afloat.
He emphasized that it would be a temporary measure and that he would work out a repayment plan for everyone once the restaurant was back on stable footing.
I rely on my tips to cover my living expenses and support my younger sibling, who is still in college.
I’m already struggling financially, and giving up a portion of my tips would put me in an even more precarious position. I couldn’t believe that the owner would even suggest such a thing, and I got pretty upset during the meeting.
I told him that it was outrageous to expect us to sacrifice our hard-earned income when we were all just trying to get by, and I stormed out.
Later, I texted the owner to apologize for my outburst and offered to pick up extra shifts or help out in other ways to support the business.
He replied saying that he understood my situation, but he was disappointed in my reaction. Now, I’ve found out that several of my coworkers have agreed to give up some of their tips, and they’re gossiping about me and how I ‘overreacted.’
I believe I might be the jerk because I reacted angrily in the meeting, which might have been seen as unprofessional and disrespectful towards my employer My coworkers think that I overreacted and that my anger was uncalled for. I’m worried that I might have been too harsh on my employer, who was just trying to find a solution to keep the restaurant afloat.
AITJ for getting angry at my employer for suggesting I give up my tips to save the restaurant, even though my coworkers are pitching in and think I overreacted?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your whole income is pretty much based on your tips.
The restaurant owner is the jerk to ask that you sacrifice your source of income to save his livelihood. That’s just selfishness on his part. You’re an employee, not a partner in the business. I’d suggest finding another restaurant to work at.
Everything is opening back up. I’m sure a lot of places are looking for wait staff.” Just_Me1973
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for sure! You do not owe your employer anything. It is important to remember that this is a job and your livelihood.
Sometimes it is easy to slip into a situation where your job and coworkers feel like family. But that is toxic. Your employer is trying to manipulate you because he probably sees how close everyone is. Not cool. If his business goes under, that’s a reflection of his poor business skills.
Giving tips now is not going to fix the long-term issue. You can find another job, too.” agirlnamedlola
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You earned those tips, you pay taxes on those tips, and you and your younger brother survive on those tips.
It was a little tacky for him to ask his employees to give up tips and work out a repayment later. How would that work? If taxes go up by the time you are repaid, you’d still earn less funds than you did today.
I think the ‘outburst’ may have been unprofessional but so is the request.
What about a Gofundme to save the restaurant? That way the owner/head chef can maybe get a little community support; you and the rest of the staff can take care of yourselves.
I’d also think about getting your resume in line. If the restaurant is in that much trouble (on the verge), this might be the best time to move on to your next job. It sucks because you like the job, the coworkers, and the customers, but you have to take care of yourself.” PPPMay-0574
12. AITJ For Not Including My Friend's Sister In Her Bachelorette Weekend?
“I (28F) started my residency about 3 years ago and have become good friends with three girls doing the same program. We have long working hours, little time off, and rely on each other a lot, so we have a pretty special and awesome bond.
One of the girls (let’s call her Jill) is getting married in a month and we 3 girls have been invited to her wedding. We don’t know Jill’s friends or family and didn’t know if anyone was planning a bachelorette party for her, but we decided we would do something nice for her just us 4.
We planned her a whole weekend, booked a hotel suite, massages, mani-pedis, a shopping afternoon, drinks, and dinners, and split the cost.
We wanted to keep it as a surprise and didn’t want to mess up any potential other plans so we actually made Jill think she was covering a whole weekend at the hospital but filled her fiancé in so he could help with packing her bag etc. We planned to kidnap her at the start of her shift. This took considerable effort as we all had to coordinate to have this weekend off, find a colleague to cover Jill’s shifts, and even had to let the program director know what was happening in order for it to go smoothly.
I got a phone call from Jill’s sister three days before the surprise weekend trip saying she got my number from Jill’s fiancé. She said she heard from Jill’s fiancé about our plans and her and Jill’s best friend would like to attend the weekend with us.
I was honestly flabbergasted and explained that we had already booked everything for four people so I don’t even know how to rearrange everything. She got extremely upset and told me I was hijacking her sister’s bachelorette party and I was being selfish because this was basically Jill’s only free weekend before the wedding (which technically wasn’t free since she was supposed to be on call, but whatever).
I honestly thought that this was an overreaction on her part when she heard about the trip and realized she hadn’t planned anything for Jill and would maybe look bad because of it. I stood my ground and politely told her no.
We surprised Jill and went on the trip. She was very touched and grateful but it was obvious she wasn’t surprised. She ended up telling us that her sister had called her and basically spoiled the surprise in retaliation.
I am shocked about this and am wondering whether this drama is now going to weigh on Jill during the wedding.
I don’t know Jill’s sister and feel she is being unreasonable but should I have tried to accommodate her and this friend in order to spare Jill?
Am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You only know Jill and her fiancé. This wasn’t a bachelorette party. This was 3 friends doing something special for a 4th friend. He didn’t hijack anything.
Why didn’t her sister plan something or whoever is in her bridal party?
Jill thought she was working. Her wedding is in a month and her sister didn’t try to clear time with her sister who is doing a residency before this.
Jill’s sister is awful for spoiling the surprise.” JinxyMagee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This wasn’t a normal bachelorette party, this was 4 very close friends celebrating one of their member’s weddings. This had nothing to do with the bride’s sister. She was a jerk for tipping the bride-to-be off in retaliation.
I’m sorry that happened.” Few_Ad_5752
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her sister sounds like a real piece of work. She didn’t plan a bachelorette party. She tried to invite herself to someone else’s plans. When she wasn’t allowed to horn in on your plans, she spoiled the surprise for her sister.
Thoughtless, selfish, rude, petty.
It was a get-together for co-workers who are friends. It wasn’t a full bachelorette party. Her sister would have been out of place in that group. You were right to tell her no. But I’m surprised she didn’t just show up and try to tag along.” OwnUse931
11. AITJ For Standing With My Daughter Against Our Insensitive Family Members?
“I (46m) am a single dad to my daughter Alexis (17).
Alexis is transgender and came out two years ago. It’s been a pretty big adjustment, especially for the older folks, particularly my grandmother, who is in her 90s and has mild dementia.
Recently, my daughter had her seventeenth birthday.
She already had a fun day out with friends planned, but my sister (who lives with my grandma and is her main carer) suggested we have a family birthday party at grandma’s house as well, and Alexis thought it was a great idea.
By all accounts, the party went great, until it was time for cake. Now, baking has always been my grandma’s passion, and even in her old age, she still bakes and decorates cakes all on her own. She usually makes them for family gatherings and takes a lot of pride in her work.
My sister brought out the cake, and the frosting read Happy Birthday, (Deadname)!
As soon as she saw the cake, Alexis started crying, and I quickly gathered our things and we left in a hurry. We had box cake and ice cream while we watched her favorite movie, and I eventually got her feeling better.
While that was happening, my phone blew up with texts from my sister, but I put her on mute while I comforted Alexis. After Alexis went to her room and started gaming, I looked over the texts from my sister.
They started fairly normal (is she ok? Will you guys be coming back? Etc) and then devolved into accusing my daughter of being ungrateful and unstable. She said that Alexis should’ve put on a smile because Grandma worked so hard on the cake, and it isn’t my grandma’s fault she’s old, etc. I texted her back and said that Alexis didn’t want to spend any more time with family today and that that was a horrible thing to say about her.
My sister simply responded with K.
Most of my relatives are on my side, but I’ve been getting the silent treatment from my sister and grandma. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister may be right: it might not be Grandma’s fault if she didn’t do it maliciously.
If she has dementia, your daughter’s transition is likely to be something she needs to be reminded of, especially if the transition was announced to grandma after dementia set in. Her caretaker should have been supervising her while she was baking and at the same time gently reminding her of the name change.
It’s so easy to do too. ‘Oh, Alexis is going to love that cake.’ ‘Great choice of flavor, Alexis loves that flavor!’ ‘Alexis is going to be so excited when she sees this!’ Seriously, if you repeat a name enough, you’ll prime a person to use it; and even a person with full mental faculties might put it on the cake without thinking.
This is your sister’s fault. She should have been reminding Grandma to use the right name, and if Grandma used the wrong name, your sister should have gently scraped it off and had Grandma write the right name. Or just leave it at ‘Happy Birthday’.
If grandma was having a bad day and that would have meant a fight/meltdown, the very least your sister could have done was pull you/your daughter aside to discuss the situation before bringing the cake out.
Instead, your sister knowingly brought out a cake with your daughter’s dead name on it.
Probably why she’s going on the offensive now. I would have a talk with your sister about how she handled this. It should have been handled differently.” tan_sandoval
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and good on you for supporting your daughter.
My only question is, was this intentional or was it the dementia? I’m not saying Alexis is wrong to be upset about it either way, but if your grandmother is suffering from dementia, this easily could’ve been an innocent mistake and if you have no reason to believe it was malicious it should be taken as such.
Your sister is still out of line regardless, but depending on the circumstances, I hope Grandma can be forgiven.” Rhades
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your sister is.
‘My sister brought out the cake, and the frosting read Happy Birthday, (Deadname)!’
So this confirms your sister 100% saw what the cake said, and chose not to do anything about it. The icing could have been removed, changed, or obscured. Or your sister could have warned Alexis in advance about the mistake and asked her what she wanted to do about it instead of putting her on the spot in front of everyone like that.
Your sister not correcting the error and calling Alexis unstable raises some major red flags about her views to me. But in case she can be reasoned with, I’d explain to her that it’s one thing to tolerate people making mistakes; most trans people do all the time.
But having the rest of the family see that mistake and present it as a gift when it could be corrected and then expect you to be grateful is an entirely different situation. Hiding behind grandma is no excuse when the sister had every opportunity to step up and fix the issue.
Instead, she thought Alexis should just be grateful to be referred to in a way she doesn’t like.
I wonder what your sister would have done if the cake had been accidentally addressed to a different grandchild or contained major misspellings?
Would she have really brought it out and expected Alexis to be happy or would she have found a way to remove the icing…” Thunderplant
10. AITJ For Responding To My Teacher Sarcastically?
“I (14f) got my period in class. We weren’t doing anything important so I asked to leave for the restroom. For context, this teacher is known for being very irritable.
He refused so I told him I had a genuine need to go but he mocked me, saying ‘Oh, so you HAVE to go’ in front of the class. I asked again calmly and he again said no. At this point, the room was silent so I got stressed under the pressure (I was being laughed at) and I snapped ‘Well would you rather I bled all over your white chair?’ He was visibly angry but let me go.
When I got back to class he seemed annoyed still so I’m not sure if I overreacted. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The fact that a grown man in a teacher’s role doesn’t seem to understand what periods are and how they work is outrageous.
Teenage girls who get heavy periods often need to go to the toilet more often than the usual break times. This isn’t complicated to understand.
Likewise, any student may have health issues that mean they need to go to the toilet more than a ‘typical’ person.
Making this more difficult than it already is, that’s a jerk move right there.
I would absolutely report him, because what’s it going to be like for a girl who doesn’t have your enormous strength of character and assertiveness?” YouSayWotNow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you need to escalate this issue as high as you can. A lot of menstruating people your age do not have the courage to do what you did and no one should be put in that position.
Be loud and don’t stop until there is change. Not allowing a child to use the bathroom is cruel and probably illegal. Go to your superintendent and describe the discriminatory mistreatment taking place in the classroom and just see how it is handled and if it isn’t have a lawyer have the same conversation with the superintendent.” HCbumblebee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The only valid reason to even have you ask him is so he knows where to look for you if there is an emergency.
He has no business telling you no unless he has an actual reason to suspect you intended to do something wrong.
He definitely had no right to try to mock you for it.
His only options were ‘Sure go ahead’ or ‘Can you wait a couple of minutes longer so I can finish this part of the lesson?’. Which of course you already claimed that your class was not actively doing anything important for the 2nd version.” madmatt911
9. AITJ For Uninviting My Significant Other's Mother From My Graduation?
“I (21F) have been studying in England for 4 years as an international student and I am about to graduate in 2 months. My university only allows 2 graduation tickets per graduate (typically mother and father) and any extra guests will be sat outside the graduation hall in a tent where they can screen the event on a large projector screen but will not be allowed to be in the main venue.
I have an older brother and my father initially agreed to give up his ticket to my brother as we have a very close relationship and he thought I would have liked to have him there. I insisted that I would prefer to have my parents witness the actual ceremony and take pictures with my brother after, so far everyone is fine with this.
My SO (23M) was to be sat with my brother making 4 guests total.
3 days ago he asked if his mother could come as she really wanted to be there. His mother and I share a fairly close relationship and I was delighted she wanted to come.
However, she wanted to be in the main hall where the graduation would be happening. I explained to her that the hall was for 2 ticket holders and I already have my parents in those slots. She said that her son had told her my father was willing to give up his ticket.
I explained that he was willing to give it up to my brother and the tickets would still only be reserved for my family members anyway. She expressed her disappointment at not being able to attend the graduation and when I asked if she would sit with her son instead, she said she would rather not come at all.
It really breaks my heart that she would decide not to come because she has not been chosen over my actual mother and father. My parents are African and graduations are an especially big milestone for us, especially as I am the first to graduate in my family.
I tried to explain that to her as well but she had already made up her mind. I called my SO to ask if he could talk to her and he said he thought that since my father was willing to give up his place my dad did not desperately want to be there.
I told him he was silly for thinking that in the first place and that I was withdrawing my invitation to his mother if she was going to act that way. This really offended my SO as now he’s refusing to attend my graduation because of my ‘disrespect’ towards his mother.
I don’t think that I was unreasonable in refusing his mother the ticket however I might have been wrong to completely uninvite her. I wouldn’t like to lose her friendship as she has been very supportive of her son and me.
My SO definitely believes I’m the jerk here and hasn’t stopped reminding me of it. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and it sounds to me like she uninvited herself by saying that if she has to sit out in the tent, she doesn’t want to come at all.
Also, your father giving up his ticket to your brother is totally different than giving it to SO’s mother. Your SO should not have mentioned this to her and she shouldn’t have depended on it.
You haven’t done anything wrong, and you don’t need to explain why you want your parents there (OF COURSE YOU WANT YOUR PARENTS THERE)!
Again, you haven’t done anything wrong. Your SO and his mother had unrealistic expectations.” ClothesQueasy2828
Another User Comments:
“Welcome to the preview of how your SO’s mama will be if you two decide to get married. NTJ and if you only have two tickets for the venue, then they should go to your mom and dad, and failing that, to your brother.
Tell your SO’s mom you will miss her if she decides to not go. And then don’t think about it again for a second. She is trying to guilt you into giving her a ticket. Don’t let her.
If she wants to pout and boycott, that’s in her. HER decision to completely miss out. NTJ and congratulations on your upcoming graduation!
And I am appalled at the lack of support your SO has shown you. Think about this, going forward.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She should not have expected that you would put her before your father. It was incredibly presumptuous of her to think he would give up his seat. Offering it to your brother was very kind of him (sounds like you have great parents), but it is still his seat.
I would talk to her. You don’t owe her an explanation, but just firming telling her those seats belong to your parents, but you still want her to be there might help.
In the end, this is your celebration and you deserve to have those important to you present.
Manufactured drama is a waste of your time. If they can’t be supportive of something you have worked so hard for, so are they.
Congratulations!” Qwillpen1912
8. AITJ For Refusing To Replace My Little Sister With My Fiancée's Daughter On My Airline Benefits?
“I (M31) have 2 siblings (F23 and M37). I and my siblings are very close, I’m especially really close to my little sister, Shannon.
I and my siblings have the same mom but different dads. I and my brother know our fathers, while my younger sister her dad walked out on her at 4 and she knows nothing about him. Our mom also passed away from cancer 5 years ago.
My sister always jokes that she’s an orphan. But she suffered some serious depression since our mom passed and it’s been challenging but she’s so much better, I’m a higher-up at an airline and I decided to put her on my benefits which allows her to fly for free and now she travels all the time and living out her early 20s and I can’t be anymore happier.
Her goal is to visit places our mom could never go to because she had us so young.
Recently I got engaged to my fiancé (F29) Taylor and she has a daughter, Maddie (F6) and Maddie’s dad isn’t really in her life so I took on the father figure role and I have no issue with that.
Since I and Taylor are getting married I told her she can be added to my flight benefits as a wife and she brought up what about Maddie? And I told her she couldn’t be added given I can only have 4 people on my account (my dad, my brother, my sister, and now Taylor).
I told her I hit the max of people on my account and she wasn’t pleased with that.
She recommended I take off Shannon because she doesn’t actually work and it’s time for her to get an actual job and pay for her own flight tickets, I took very much offense to that.
She is right. My sister doesn’t work but that’s because she is in school and she lives off the inheritance my mom left us. So it’s not like a freeloader. I told her she was being ridiculous because I get 8 buddy passes a year and if I, her and Maddie wanted to go on a trip she can still come but we will just have to pay at most 60$ for the ticket.
She told me I’m being a jerk for not including her daughter in my flight benefits when really I don’t get how? Given her daughter is in school the majority of the year and will most likely not use the benefits as much as my sister uses it now, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Between the buddy passes & discounted fares, there’s no practical reason for a child, who won’t be planning her own travel for another decade or so, to have independent access to those flight benefits.
Not digging Taylor’s attitude about your sister at all – pretty judgmental and Shannon’s finances aren’t any of her business.
Please take a good hard look at this because I have a hunch this may not be the first time and won’t be the last time she expresses resentment of your sister & your closeness with her.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, mainly because it makes no economic sense to put Maddie on the benefits at this point since she wouldn’t use it that much and you can cover her cheaply when she does use it. I understand your fiancé is probably concerned that this may reflect you not seeing Maddie as your real family member, so maybe try to reassure her of that and point out that you’ll obviously be paying to fly Maddie whenever your new family wants to go someplace.” redlegphi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Due to the fact that your proposition is financially beneficial to everyone at the moment.
However, you have to consider revisiting this once Maddie is of age and could very well travel on her own. This can be something you can discuss with your fiancée now to do down the road.
Also, consider her words against your sister. She is your fiancée/future wife, and you may have to make hard decisions to choose between your original family and your married family. If you are not on the same page, you both might have resentments and regrets in the future.” donna2tsuki
7. AITJ For Not Responding To An RSVP Invite From My Mom?
“My mom sent me an invite for a graduation party she is throwing her stepdaughter (we are both 18f). I did not reply. I have not spoken to my mom in 3 years and have not seen her in 4 years. I have no desire to have a relationship with her, her stepdaughter, her husband, or anyone else in her household.
That has been made clear to her before. But she sent an invite anyway. She called me from a different number so I answered not realizing it was her and she was saying she hadn’t gotten a response from me and the party is like a month away.
I told her she knew what my response was and to leave me alone. She told me how nobody was coming for my stepsister and how I needed to put the past behind us and come so she wouldn’t be completely alone.
My parents divorced when I was 2. My mom married the dad of the school bully. She never bullied me but did bully my friends. I was never going to give her a chance and was never going to be her family.
She is a trashy person and my mom chose her over me ultimately. I asked my dad to go for full custody and he won because I was 14 and the judge weighed what I wanted. Mom was heartbroken and I told her she would never have me if she had her, and that one day she (her stepdaughter) was going to be truly alone and unwanted and she would deserve it for how she treated others.
My dad even let me change schools the September after I moved in with him and that was great.
Mom’s stepdaughter’s life did fall apart and the couple of kids who were her friends left her. She ended up with nobody.
So much so that from friends I still know in that school, she has never been invited to a party, everyone plans to refuse to sign her yearbook and she’s got nobody who will speak to her outside of teachers.
She has still tried to bully kids but now she’s got so many people who hate her that it doesn’t work now.
Mom told me we are all still a family and it could be a start of repairing the sibling relationship.
I told her there is no sibling relationship. I told her that girl is nothing to me but a girl I would rather forget and that she made her choices and to stop. She brought up the RSVP again trying to push the topic and I told her that my lack of RSVP was a response.
She should accept that. Mom told me as an 18-year-old I should be more polite and learn how to RSVP. I told her that no relationship means no RSVP. She told me to grow up. I hung up on her.
But I got some random comments on Instagram that I assume are her dummy accounts telling me I am being mean.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You definitely don’t need to develop a relationship with a step-sister who bullied you and whom you never liked.
Based on how your mom is now trying to guilt trip and manipulate you, I am guessing that she never went about this new family in a way that was healthy and respectful of you. Not that you get to choose who she marries, but she can still show understanding and compassion if you don’t feel like they’re family as well.
Next time she finds a new phone number, just hang up and don’t even argue. Arguing rewards her with attention.” PsilosirenRose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sigh. Look. I understand parents divorce and re-marry, creating blended families… but sometimes those families are not going to blend.
Remarried parents then try to force their ‘one big happy family’ dream onto their children. The trouble is human affection and human relations don’t work like that. Children, no matter what parents would like are independent human beings and cannot be forced to feel things they do not just for the parents’ sake.
Your mother knew – or should know – that you would not be attending this party. After all, you are in no contact with all of them. Demanding an RSVP is just ridiculous. Ignore her.” VariousTry4624
Another User Comments:
“‘I did not reply.
I have not spoken to my mom in 3 years and have not seen her in 4 years.’
You don’t have a relationship and you are no contact. This was an attempt to use normal social niceties to force you into responding to her.
She’s manipulating you again. Instead of showing remorse for how she behaved to you in the past, and giving a real apology to you, she’s still trying to force your compliance with her wants from you. No wonder you are in no contact with her.
‘I told her she knew what my response was and to leave me alone.’
She knows. She can’t even respect that you need time away from her to heal from what she did to you.
‘She told me how nobody was coming for my stepsister and how I needed to put the past behind us and come so she wouldn’t be completely alone.’
And as soon as she gets hold of you, instead of finding out how you are doing, or admitting her own behavior was wrong and showing remorse, she’s again doing the same old demands, trying to make you ignore your needs and elevate this bully to the priority person in your life like she is in your mother’s life.
Appalling.
‘Mom told me we are all still a family and it could be a start of repairing the sibling relationship. I told her there is no sibling relationship.’
She’s delusional. You are no contact. She broke the relationship with you because of her behavior.
She broke trust with you by trying to make you prioritize a bully, instead of protecting you from this bully.
‘I told her that girl is nothing to me but a girl I would rather forget and that she made her choices and to stop.’
You did amazingly well in an ambush situation. I hope you are able to see that.
‘She brought up the RSVP again trying to push the topic and I told her that my lack of RSVP was a response. She should accept that.
Mom told me as an 18-year-old I should be more polite and learn how to RSVP. I told her that no relationship means no RSVP.’
You are right. She’s wrong. In a normal situation, RSVP would be the right response.
But this isn’t a normal situation. This is a situation where you had to cut her out of your life because of her bad behavior. This is a situation where you have to protect yourself from her. These kind of people do not get to use the norms for normal people to demand a response.
They are the ones that broke the relationship, not us. You do not owe them anything, ever, because of their mistreatment. You do not owe them a greeting if they show up at your favorite grocery store. You do not owe them RSVPs or answering their texts or anything.
THEY lost all that, by what they did.
This is not your fault. Polite responses are for a polite society.
‘She told me to grow up. I hung up on her.’
You are growing up. Without her help. You made adult decisions, like protecting yourself from her manipulations.
And hanging up on her. And refusing to let her manipulate you into treating her like she was someone that was part of polite society and deserved to get answered when she invades your no-contact. You did very well here, acting like an adult.
‘But I got some random comments on Instagram that I assume are her dummy accounts telling me I am being mean.’
Nope. You are protecting yourself from a manipulative person who just tried yet another way to get your compliance to her wants.
When she accuses you of being mean, she’s projecting. Her whole goal was to get a response from you, and maybe to force your compliance to her wants, which ignored all your needs. That’s a mother being mean to you.
NTJ.” blueberryyogurtcup
6. AITJ For Not Naming My Miracle Babies After My In-Laws?
“My husband and I welcomed twins into the world a couple of weeks ago. It has been a crazy whirlwind experience for us. I am a childhood cancer survivor who was told I was infertile due to the treatment I received. My husband and I spent many years trying for a baby anyway with no success.
We also started to save funds for IVF to see if there was any hope for us to conceive. We had gotten close to our goal when I learned I was pregnant.
My doctors were surprised because they knew I had tried and knew the treatment I went through means it’s so rare to get pregnant at all, let alone naturally.
To learn it was twins was an even bigger surprise. Someone we know suggested that not actively trying and focusing on other things might have allowed my body to let it happen. I’m not sure. But we were grateful for the chance to be parents to these babies.
Even with a complicated pregnancy, I felt like I had won the lottery and the fact I was able to deliver two healthy babies is incredible to me given everything.
The problem is my in-laws. My husband is an only child because MIL suffered a placental abruption when she was 34 weeks pregnant and it required an emergency c-section and my husband being born early.
Their side is big on honor names so he has four names, all after his four grandparents (exact names of his grandfathers and male variants of his grandmother’s names). My in-laws were expecting us to do the same and thought it would be even easier for us since we had twins, and we had a boy and a girl.
But we wanted to give our kids their own names. We wanted them to have names we love and chose for them. So we named them Caelan (our boy who also has a nod to the Irish side of my family) and Summer (a nod to my husband and myself and our anniversaries, both of first meeting and marrying).
We waited until the babies were born to announce the names and my husband received many calls from his parents afterward, saying that they were hurt we chose not to honor them and how could we give the only children we will ever have random names instead of loving family names.
It has been pretty consistent.
My husband went out to buy groceries for us the other day and I was home alone with the babies when my in-laws called me to bring the topic up to me for the first time.
They asked how I could name our miracle babies anything but the names of their four loving grandparents and whether did I not care about the fact these would be their only grandchildren ever. I told them they should appreciate having grandkids, given the circumstances, instead of acting insulted that we didn’t name them after them.
I told them these babies were a huge surprise but we loved and wanted and they should enjoy them now that we have them. They told me I couldn’t just dismiss their feelings like that and hung up… they told my husband I insulted them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one has the right to tell you what to name your children. But because of family tradition, they have had these expectations in their minds. First, your husband is the one who needs to handle his parents.
Second, it needs to be explained to them that you named your children for the reasons in your post. It was not a statement against them.
And congratulations to you both!” ilp456
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Oh, I’m sorry, I was literally laughing by the end.
Your in-laws are the most entitled people! YOU survived childhood cancer. YOU were told you would never naturally conceive because of the treatment. YOU and your HUSBAND saved to do IVF. YOU and your HUSBAND performed a freaking miracle by naturally conceiving a child, but freaking TWINS!
YOU and your HUSBAND loved those children from the second you knew about them.
YOU and your HUSBAND have the honor of giving them whatever names you see fit because YOU are their parents! I love my grandchildren, but I don’t like some of their names, it’s not my business to say ANYTHING!
Honestly, if this is how they are going to act they should be HONORED that you let them around your children! Congratulations to you and your husband! I love the names you picked and the reasons behind them!” MamaMae1976
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – talk to your husband and get on the same page that the issue is closed and you will not discuss it with them any longer.
They can be disappointed all they want.
Don’t let them ruin things for you.
And don’t forget – they insulted YOU! Your husband hopefully is sticking up for HIS family now. The best thing for his wife and children is to let them settle into their new lives and schedules.
Congratulations, Mama!” Jacketstiger
5. AITJ For Not Considering My Friends' Request For My Birthday Party?
“I (28m) am having my birthday party this Saturday. I invited a group of friends that I either talk to or hang out with frequently. Decided to host my bday at a lounge that offers a sauna and hot tub experience, alongside booze, and party games.
Most of my friends were fine with this option and were all on board except for one. They had the idea that everyone has to be very civil, drink tea and eat biscuits or cake, while everyone else wants to get away from reality a bit and cut loose.
I told them, that I would not be catering to the desires of one person when the majority wants other things. I would offer options of tea and cake, but that’s not what the party would be about. They called me a jerk for refusing to be civil and decided not to come.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s YOUR birthday party. If you want to be in your pajamas and watch a movie marathon till the sun rises again. Do it! You said you can accommodate them it’s like you are forcing them.
Honestly, it’s best they don’t come, y’all have fun and celebrate. Happy Birthday, OP!” IndependentBear719
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your birthday… your choice… tell your friend you gave up doing tea parties when you were 8 years old.
And she should probably do the same. You might also want to remind her that the universe does not revolve around her anymore like it did when she was 8 years old too…” UFOcreations
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… different strokes for different folks.
If hot tubs, drinks, and games aren’t their thing then that’s fine. They don’t have to come. And if they really wanted to celebrate your birthday and they weren’t into your plans, they would’ve offered to take you out themselves at a different time.” Thetravelingpants97
4. AITJ For Insisting On Sharing A Room With My Brother?
“I (17f) recently went on holiday with my family. We stayed at an Airbnb. It was a nice house, and the ‘kids’ i.e. me, my twin, and my cousins ‘M’ (17f) and her brother(12m) had two rooms, both with an ensuite to share between us.
I wanted to share with my brother, but M said she wanted to share with me. This was the last thing I wanted.
M and I shared a room last holiday and it nearly drove me mad. She keeps the lights turned on all the time, even when sleeping, doesn’t clean her hair out of the drain after showering, and needs music to fall asleep.
I need silence and darkness to sleep. That holiday was horrible for me in terms of sleep.
When I insisted on sharing with my brother, M pulled me aside and told me she was on her period and didn’t want to share a room with her brother because of that.
But I didn’t understand why that was a problem, and I really wanted to be able to sleep so I said no.
The rest of the holiday was her saying how weird it was that I was okay with sharing a room with my brother even though I’m almost an adult.
After we all went home, M messaged me and said that she had a horrible time because of me. She told me because she has her own room and bathroom at home, she was uncomfortable sharing one with her brother especially when she was on her period.
I ask her why she didn’t tell me this part while we were there because I probably would have changed my mind if I had known. She says she told me she felt uncomfortable, and that should’ve been reason enough for me.
I haven’t replied to her yet.
Now I feel bad because I hadn’t taken that into account when I said I didn’t want to share with her. I’ve always had to share a bathroom with my brother so it hadn’t even occurred to me that this is something M might be unused to.
But I’m still mad that M tried to make the fact that I was more comfortable sharing a room with my brother than I was with her into something I should feel bad about. Like, he’s my twin. We shared a room until we were 11.
I’m okay sharing a room with him for a few days while we’re on holiday.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you don’t owe her. She’s not entitled to direct your life path or choices to make herself feel better.
She shouldn’t have expected you to agree and then she tried to shame you about sharing a room with your brother. She needs to get over herself. It’s also not your fault she’s on her period. If she was uncomfortable she should have told her parents – not expected you to fix it for her and suffer in the process.
Do NOT let her guilt trip you. She is being ridiculous because she didn’t get her way. She ruined her own holiday. Placing the blame on you is ludicrous.” United-Loss4914
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t discuss this with her, though.
She’s trying to imply something gross and potentially dangerous about you and your brother. Tell your parents, show the texts, and explain calmly in explicit detail what happened. Tell them why you did not want to share with her, and why going forward you would like it not to be even an option that is brought up.
Honestly, I think there’s something else going on here. Not with you or your brother, but with her. I know I learned about periods and all that jazz at 10, I’m sure her brother has at least heard about it. I don’t think that’s the real, or rather, the ONLY reason she didn’t want to share with him.” otsukaren_613
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her behavior is what made you not want to share a room with her. There was not then, nor is there now, any reason to believe that any of that has changed. You made the call based on what you knew and so you could enjoy your holiday.
It’s not your problem. This was her problem. And he’s your twin brother, that’s an even closer bond. You’ve shared a womb with him for gosh sake. What’s a room for a week or two? Geesh!
I hope you had a great time on your holiday.” justafleshwound175
3. AITJ For Not Pausing My Call To Listen To My Wife?
“I am a physician, and I had just returned home from rounding at the hospital. Soon after I came home, my nurse practitioner called me to discuss a patient with me.
During this phone call, my wife began signaling something to me that I could not understand, but I thought it was regarding my nurse practitioner who I was talking to and is also a friend of ours. I completed the call and then went in to see what she wanted. To find out it was really her asking me to help with a quilt that she had just washed.
She became very upset that I did not interrupt my phone call to speak to her. She felt like I should have told my nurse practitioner to hold on while I spoke to her, but I feel that it was proper to complete the call and then go speak with my wife.
It’s been a full day now and she is still not speaking to me. AITJ for not pausing my phone call to speak to my wife?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had no way of knowing how important what your wife wanted was.
And it ended up not being that important, or rather time sensitive.
Your wife only gets a mild YTJ, more for giving you the silent treatment than actually being upset. Doctors are usually busy, so your wife might feel like she needs more time from you, and instead of telling you outright, she’s behaving like this.
I’d suggest sitting down to have an honest talk with her about her feelings, and would also suggest having a date night or something similar with her soon.” LowerMine815
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had no way of knowing how important what your wife wanted was.
And it ended up not being that important, or rather time sensitive.
Your wife only gets a mild YTJ, more for giving you the silent treatment than actually being upset. Doctors are usually busy, so your wife might feel like she needs more time from you, and instead of telling you outright, she’s behaving like this.
I’d suggest sitting down to have an honest talk with her about her feelings, and would also suggest having a date night or something similar with her soon.” LowerMine815
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were on an important phone call with a colleague, and it was reasonable to complete the call before addressing your wife’s request. Your wife’s request was not an emergency, and she could have waited. However, it might have been better if you had acknowledged your wife’s request by gesturing that you would be with her soon.
It’s understandable that your wife was upset, but it’s important to communicate and understand each other’s perspectives.” DeliaElijahy
2. AITJ For Paying My Significant Other's Daughter For Taking Care Of My Son?
“Last November my son (6) and I moved in with my SO and his teenage children (17M, 16F, 14M). He also has 3 adult children who have moved out/are in college. Things have been going well and I get on great with my SO’s kids, especially his daughter.
He has had full custody for a few years as their mom moved to a different state with her new husband.
My SO’s daughter loves my son, and they have a great relationship. She will often happily watch him for me when I need her to, and her dad isn’t around.
This is generally between 20 minutes to 2 hours. If I need him to be watched any longer while myself or my SO isn’t available, I’ll drop him off with my mom instead. Whenever the daughter babysits, I try to give her a little gift as thank you.
For example, I’ll often swing by Starbucks or similar to get her a drink or snack.
Last weekend my SO and I went out of town for the day, but my mom wasn’t available to watch my son. My SO’s daughter offered to watch him, and my SO agreed it was fine.
We left at 10 am and didn’t return home until around 2 am.
The next day I mentioned to my SO about giving his daughter $150 for watching my son. He told me not to pay her and that I wouldn’t have paid my mom so I shouldn’t pay her.
When I argued with him, he told me that her older siblings never got paid for watching her and that looking after younger siblings is part of being a family. He said he didn’t want her to expect to be paid every time she babysits and that paying her would make the boys jealous.
After arguing about it for a while he told me I could give her $20 if I really wanted to.
Despite what my SO said I ended up giving his daughter the $150 but told her not to let her dad know about the funds (ie don’t spend it straight away).
She has a job so it’s not like he would question her having her own funds. However, I did end up admitting to him last night that I gave her the funds despite what he said. He’s mad and thinks I undermined his authority as a parent and made him look bad as she now knows he didn’t want her to have the funds.
Was I being a jerk going around him to give her the funds? I feel as though she deserves it after watching my kid all day and it’s not like he’s her brother.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your SO is 100$% wrong in this situation. He doesn’t get to use his daughter as a free babysitter for his SO’s kid just because he has declared they should consider each other siblings and she should watch him for free.
You should pay your SO’s daughter for watching your son. You should also do something to show gratitude to your mom when she watches your son as well. It doesn’t have to be funds but I do think you should be showing her appreciation and not taking it as a given that grandma should watch your son.
However where you are 100% out line is telling a child to keep a secret from their parent. You had every right to pay her for her time and babysitting service. Would you be ok with someone going behind your back and telling your son to keep a secret from you?” Such-Awareness-2960
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
He needs to understand a few things… First off, your daughter isn’t technically her sister… Not that it really should matter that much, but facts are facts. Second, being family doesn’t negate a person doing you a favor.
And it certainly doesn’t mean you’re required to watch siblings and step-siblings for free. You were 100% in the right on paying her for her time. Where you went wrong was doing it behind his back. He’s her father and it’s ultimately his decision whether you (or your stepdaughter) like it or not.
He’s a jerk for not knowing that his kids aren’t there for him to use as free laborers. Especially when they’re old enough to have a job. She didn’t need to watch your daughter, she offered and could have used that time to work her job and get paid.
So the proper thing to do is pay her. In fact, I’d even argue that she should have been paid more! Not sure what minimum wage is where you are, but it’s $15 here… She watched your daughter for 16 hours… She actually (if it were me) would have been paid closer to $240.” SigSauerPower320
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except for the kids. Your SO sucks for not recognizing the value of the service his daughter is providing… service that she would get paid for if she babysat for any other family. Yes, kids should help family members, but within reasonable limits.
Kids deserve to develop healthy boundaries and not be taken advantage of, too.
You also suck for going behind your SO’s back and telling his daughter to keep it a secret. Her father may be wrong about her pay, but it’s not a healthy dynamic to teach her to keep things from him.
And if his sons are responsible and mature, and are interested, they should be given a chance to babysit, too.” AllButACrazyCatLady
1. AITJ For Not Making My Partner More Involved In My Buying A House?
“My (35M) partner (30F) suggested I ask other people what they think about this situation.
We’ve been together for a bit over a year now and things are going overall great.
Our personalities are complimentary, we think the same way about a lot of things, but not everything because that would be boring, we love each other and are committed to each other, and recently started talking about making a life together.
We don’t live together but have planned on it.
Recently I came into some funds and decided it would be smart to buy a house. We live in a city with a real estate market that’s still extremely competitive and never really slows down that much.
I saw a really nice house on the market for $425k, I put in an offer for $515k, waived appraisal, waived inspection – and came in fifth out of eleven bids. I put in other offers on other houses which I thought were strong but reasonable and lost them all.
The local subreddit regularly has posts from people trying to navigate this market and finding themselves shut out.
My realtor sent me a link to this one that had gone on the market, been sold in 2 days, and then financing from the buyer fell through so it was back on.
It was the week before Easter, and a lot of realtors and buyers were taking that week off, a lot of properties were listed but not showing until the following week, just a generally slow time. The stars aligned and I put in an offer at the asking price without many concessions and won.
This place is on the low side of my budget which means that there is plenty of funds left over to decorate and design it and make it really nice.
But, I did not involve my partner a lot in the buying process.
It’s kind of awkward to navigate – we’re not married, it’s my funds, but I would like to live there with her and there’s no real playbook on how to navigate this very millennial situation. She came with me to look at some houses which I didn’t end up making offers on, and when I let her know I was going to go look at this one she said ‘I’m curious about it’ but didn’t really indicate she wanted to see it.
When I told her that I won the offer, she started crying because she wasn’t happy about the house. The listing pictures weren’t the best. It’s very close to the city but it’s over a bridge with a 35-cent toll.
I was hoping for a hug around the neck and someone to share my happiness. Since then, things have been kind of rocky. I’ve got this huge exciting thing happening and I feel like I can barely talk about it with her.
She can’t get over that I made this decision on my own.
Yes, I could have been more thoughtful and I should have involved her more in the process. I solely chose the place we both may be living for the next 2 – 5 years.
The result of my actions is that we have a secure shelter with the expenses taken care of, as well as a good budget to design and decorate it and fill it with the things we love most. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s your funds, you’re welcome to do with it as you please, but also understand that if your intention is for her to live with you in it you really should have involved her in the process more than you did.
I get you guys have only been together for a year, but if it’s serious enough that you two want to live together, I think she should have been involved. Even if it’s entirely your funds I don’t think relationships are always going to be 50/50 and if you like her so much you want her to live with you, I think she deserves a place she’s going to like as well.
No, you don’t have to go out of your way to accommodate her desires since, again, it is your funds, but it would have been nice if she had a say in it. I still don’t think this makes you a jerk, I just think it would have been a good thing to do.
I can also understand her disappointment and I don’t think she’s a jerk here either, since the person she’s seeing just bought a house without really involving her in the process at all, and now wants her to live there with him.
It would be a sore spot for me, too. If I were in her position, I’d feel like a bit weird about it; despite being serious and wanting to forge a life together, my partner’s still going off making major life decisions that are expected to impact both of us without really talking to me about it at all.
So yeah, there are no jerks here but I think it would have been the right thing to do.” gyokuro8882
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you both are thinking this relationship is a long-term one, like a forever one.
Is that correct? You said you’ve been talking about making a life together.
If you were both on the same page that you’re that serious about each other, she should have known how serious you were about the house, because it sounds like you just chose where she’s going to live for the next five years if you stay together.
That’s a big choice being ripped out of someone’s hands. Regardless of who has more funds, choosing where to live is a big decision and big decisions are together decisions. If she loved the house, it may have gone better, but maybe not.
Together you will make loads of decisions together. The conversation you started about making a life together, should have continued and she should have been included.
I would apologize and let her know she should have been included in the decision of where she lives.
Listen to her, even if it’s difficult, and make her feel heard and understood. Maybe she gets to pick the next house without a peep from you? Or maybe you both learn from the situation, grow the communication, and hopefully your relationship can overcome this and get even better.
I know this works differently for different relationships. I think people in a relationship should each have their own funds, in addition to a joint that pays for common things. Then they can buy things without asking and have some autonomy.
Those things though are like clothes, games, gifts, and hobby stuff. Housing is a together thing. You each bring valuable thoughts and considerations to the table and they should be heard and understood.
You probably hate to hear it, in this situation, YTJ.
That doesn’t mean it can’t be repaired. Work with your partner to repair the hurt and build that life together that you both want.” Teal-PinkWing
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think you two have different views of your relationship and need to have a talk about it.
There’s being in a relationship and building a life with someone. It 100% is your funds and your choice, but at the same time if she’s thinking you two are more then I get that it feels isolating for you to be taking this big step without her.
There’s making decisions for self and there’s making decisions as a couple. A good relationship has a balance of both. Buying a house is a decision that could fall under either depending on the relationship. Either way, congrats on your house!
You deserve to be excited about it!” Reasonable-Guess93
Another User Comments:
“YTJ would be my view, but gently. If you’re making plans for a future together, I would have at least discussed it with her properly before buying it.
That’s not to say that you shouldn’t have bought it if she didn’t like it, but I wouldn’t have done it without at least a discussion about whether it would be suitable for you both given your intention to live together.
Of course, it’s your funds, your choice, etc etc and she’d be wrong to try to prevent you, but if I truly saw a future with someone I’d want them to be happy with it too or it may seriously impact things.
Also, be extremely wary of the dynamics involved with a partner living in a house you own. This is a really challenging situation so make sure it’s scrupulously fair. She shouldn’t have any claim to your property that you bought with your own funds, but she also shouldn’t be putting funds into a house you own and she doesn’t.
The people I know who’ve handled this best have had the non-owning partner pay into savings rather than towards mortgage/renovations rather than rent. If you stay together it can be put into a joint property in the future, if not they can afford to leave and don’t leave feeling like they’ve built equity in your house.” Laurenhynde82
So, up to this point in the scenario I'm not seeing that this is a committed.couple. Not yet.
Clues: her lack of interest. If she wanted to house hunt with her beau she would have been house hunting with you.
There is no engagement.
They do not have the experience of living together.
She started crying. Not tears of joy. Tears of ....????
Count yourself lucky that you now see this clearly. You bought a house for yourself. Live-in it. Rent it out. Re-sell. Doesn't matter. I think you are in this on your own.
