People Get Sour Over These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Not Wanting Anyone To Kiss My Newborn Baby?
“Okay, so I F(26) and my husband M(25) are expecting our first child this year in a few months and we’re super excited. I’ve expressed to him that with the rise in RSV cases, I’m extremely uncomfortable with anyone outside of our home kissing our baby girl once we bring her home.
We only live near my in-laws, who I genuinely love, so I didn’t think it would be hard to set boundaries. Now with that said we’ve come to a disagreement with the new baby on the way.
Well, last night my MIL sent me a video about the new RSV shot that’s being given to pregnant women to help combat RSV in infants.
I said on top of getting the shot we had decided that we didn’t want anyone kissing our daughter for the first couple of months as just another precaution. Now I’ll admit my husband had not officially sided with me on this topic yet and I know I was wrong for making it an us thing but at the time I felt it best to try to seem united on it.
My MIL then messaged me saying that people are going to kiss her, especially family and there’s no way she’s going to not kiss her. If she had just said she didn’t understand why I would hold them to that or would like to talk about it and maybe ease my concerns I wouldn’t have been so mad off the bat but she told me that I had no choice in how this was going down with my child and it’s not the first time she’s done this since I got pregnant.
My MIL called my husband after I didn’t respond to her texts and was then getting into us about how she’s raised three boys and that my concerns as a first-time mom are just overdramatic and I can’t put her in a bubble for about 45 minutes.
She said how I’m going to have to just learn to be more comfortable with things that make me uncomfortable and that she was put in her place many times when she had my husband, her first child.
I said this was not something I was willing to budge on and that right now we were just going to disagree because I had given my family the same rules about their trip when they came to visit and they all agreed and understood.
She did not care.
Once off the phone my husband and I ended up in an argument because I was extremely hurt by how she had claimed what I was trying to do was hurtful to her and that if I tried to play games and keep the baby from them I was wrong.
He was annoyed because he didn’t see why it was that big of a deal to let them kiss her since they both worked from home. I told him if it was just them in the house I would honestly be fine with it but they have his brothers 16 and 21 who are both in and out of the house for various reasons.
He feels like I’m making an issue with his family for no reason. Later we both apologized for getting so mad at each other before I explained my feelings of being disrespected, and said that was where my main issue came in and he just kind of nodded it off.
I just don’t know how to feel at this point and I feel cornered.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I didn’t even have to read the entire thing. I don’t understand this thing about kissing babies.
I work in a hospital and it saddens me to see the number of newborns who come back to the hospital with problems. From relatives who were kissing them. It’s more than just colds and RSV. Don’t let people kiss your baby!” NeedBatteries29
19. AITJ For Refusing To Pay The Full Utility Bill Despite Earning More Than My Family?
“Me and my husband are living in my parents’ ancestral house (mom’s side). My mom is retired and has a monthly pension, my dad is in real estate and is still earning. Living with us is my uncle (with a job) and my aunt who is mentally ill and does not have any income at all.
My older sister’s family (family of 6) is with us as well.
I have a high-paying job. Since my hubby and I are earning more than what we need, everyone in the household expects us to cover everything at home.
My uncle often says that we should be taking care of them since we are living in their house rent-free. I am obliged to give, but not my sister.
I am paying our utility bills and groceries. When my sister asked to live with us, she told us they would be sharing the utilities and would be cooking separately (using my gas stove).
But none of this happened. They never shared anything and their children often asked for food from us since their parents don’t leave them money for food. No one is contributing. They are reluctant to share since they know I am earning several folds their salary.
Every day my sister and my uncle have daily deliveries. This bothers me, they say they do not have money to share in the household expenses and yet, their online purchases are coming nonstop. I even sometimes paid for these purchases as the package came “unexpectedly early” and they do not have the money to pay for it yet.
They never pay me back. My sister and her partner purchased their vehicle each with monthly amortization, but never paid me the money they owed me.
This has been happening since my mom found out how much money I am earning a few years back.
Last Oct, I told my mom that we would be splitting the bills starting Jun 2023, I’ll pay 70% of the utilities and will be limiting the groceries too since most of the food we bought was consumed without us knowing it (e.g. foods mysteriously disappear).
I think 70% was fair since the remaining 30% will be divided into 3 families. Came the June bill, I asked my mom for their share, and she told me to pay for it first and that they would pay me later.
The same scenario continued and they never paid me.
So when the Sept bill came, I stood firm not to pay for it. Hence, when the Oct bill came, we received a disconnection notice. My mom asked if I paid our Sep bill and I told her no, because I am still waiting for their share.
The following day, my sister came and gave me half of the Sept bill. So I paid for Sept but not for Oct. Fast forward to Dec and they saw that I hadn’t paid our 3 months’ bill (Oct-Dec), I told them that I was only waiting for their share and I would pay the bill.
We lost power one afternoon and I already knew what it meant. I stayed in our room and never said anything. I messaged my husband to ask his brother if we could stay in his place for a couple of days.
We moved out and now I feel guilty because I know they are staying in a hot and dark house. AITJ for letting our electricity get cut and won’t pay even if I could?”
Another User Comments:
“You feel guilty?
No wonder the leeches were able to mooch. They took advantage of someone who is ok with being a doormat. If you continue to feel this guilt then YTJ. If you realize you have no obligation to care for adults who can care for themselves then you’re NTJ.
You decide.” wek141
Another User Comments:
“Why have you been putting up with this nonsense for so long? Why have you put up with it for even one day? The obvious solution is to just move. You may be staying rent-free, but you’ll probably still come out ahead in the end.
Or do all the people in this house crammed full of freeloaders just have such sparkling personalities that you LIKE being around them 24/7? NTJ.” CalendarDad
18. AITJ For Not Taking Back A Taylor Swift Ticket I Gave To My Ex For My Current Partner?
“My ex and I broke up a few years ago, but we remain very close friends after.
She was a huge Taylor Swift fan, so when she found out Taylor was coming to Toronto in 2024, she was excited. She wanted a ticket, but the problem was when the ticket was open for sale, she would be traveling and it would be hard for her to buy the ticket.
So she asked me if I could try to get a ticket for her, and she would pay me back later, knowing how hard it is to get a ticket, she said it was okay if I did not get one, to which I agreed. So the day came, and I was up early waiting on the ticket master website, and to my surprise, I got in.
So I thought, I might as well just buy 2, and go with her, so I ended up buying 2 seats at the far end of the stadium, at the price of 180 each. And then I think, it was only 180 each, and her birthday is coming up in a few months, might as well just gift it to her as a birthday gift, so I told her such.
She was very excited and gave me the best gift I ever had when she came back to Canada.
Well, the issue came when I started seeing my current partner (let’s call her PonPon) (who is also a fan of Taylor Swift).
When I started seeing her, I decided that it would be weird to still go to Taylor’s concert with my ex, so I just asked my ex if she knew someone who wanted to go with her. She said one of her friends wanted to go but was not able to get a ticket, so I just told her she could have my ticket.
I did not tell PonPon about the ticket since I already gave it away and don’t have it anymore. Everything was fine until we met up with our friend for New Year, and one of my friends just casually asked “Now I am seeing PonPon, what do I do with the Taylor Swift ticket?” PonPon instantly asked me “You have a Taylor Swift ticket?” I just said “Oh yeah, but it was for my ex and I, and when I started seeing you, I just gave mine to her friend, because you know, it would be weird to still go when I am in a relationship with you.” Well, she did not take it well, and asked “You could just ask her to give her ticket back, and we can go together”.
I just said, ” I am not taking back a birthday gift”. At this point, she was visibly annoyed and just said “Then ask her to give your ticket back”. So I asked her “Do you want to sit next to my ex?” At this point she just blew up at me, saying I care more about my ex, that she is my current partner so she should have the ticket.
So I just told her “I didn’t even know you back when I gifted her the ticket, so I am not asking for the ticket back, and that is final.” Well, now she is telling me the relationship is not gonna work if I prioritize my ex over her, and wants to break up, but I don’t think I am prioritizing my ex over her since the whole thing was before I even met my partner, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You sound sensible and mature. Your new partner sounds cray cray. I mean, it’s completely unreasonable for you to ask for a birthday present back. And I thought it was a very mature solution for you to give the second ticket to your ex because I agree that it would be kind of weird for you to go to a concert with your ex when your current partner would like to be there.
And I also think it would be weird for your current partner to be sitting next to your ex-partner.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Threatening to break up with you over Taylor Swift tickets is a massive red flag.
You’ve been respectful and above board with everyone. If PonPon wants to break up over this and you cave, you’ll find yourself potentially jumping through hoops for her and screwing over your friends to do so.” No_Ad_770
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Gifts to exes are something made from a place of love, if they want to return something for whatever reason is their choice only. Unfortunately, she did not get a ticket, but she is not entitled to anything you gave her neither to make you interact in a certain way with anyone.
Romantic partners come and go, but the choices we make remain, we have the opportunity every day to choose to be kind, whatever that means for us. Don’t let yourself be manipulated because someone else has an unfulfilled desire.
Good luck!” Numerous_Biscotti_57
17. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Support Me After My Stroke?
“This week I (28F) had a stroke. I called my partner (31M) to take me to the ER. It was midnight and we were there until early morning.
I knew he had a ton of work he was behind on and told him repeatedly that he could go home. He insisted on staying.
Over the next few days, he was great, visited daily, brought me a blanket, flowers, clothes, and food, and checked on my cat a couple of times (at my request).
I thanked him every time, told him the blanket made my visit better, that I loved the flowers and every nurse was commenting on them, etc. When he visited he’d stay about 30 mins before I told him to go home to do his work.
I finally got out and called him to pick me up. I asked to stay at his place for a bit since I was not supposed to be driving and wanted observation. He was ok with it. We had a tiff that evening when I said I had a headache & he told me that’s not possible since I don’t have nerves in my brain & that my stroke was so small I was probably imagining it.
I explained it is possible and very common, and asked him to not minimize my experience. He started to raise his voice in defense and I calmly said that I would not deal with being yelled at right after a stroke.
He apologized & said he was trying to make me feel better & then left.
When he got home he was visibly annoyed. I told him I wasn’t mad and asked what was wrong, he broke down and said he was stressed about his work.
I told him it was ok to take a break to eat and take a nap, to tell his work that I had a stroke & it would be ok, that there was no need to stress so badly.
I said I’d have my mom fly out and stay with me to give him space so he could work.
He woke me up in the morning with all kinds of food (not sure if I thanked him since I was so out of it but I was happy and praised his choices) then tried to stay out of his way and do some puzzles (to help my brain) while he worked. Later, I asked him to take me to pick up my meds.
Again, he was annoyed and asked why I picked a CVS that was 6 minutes away instead of a closer one, and if it would be a regular thing. I assured him it was a one-time pickup and thanked him for taking me.
Once home he was still visibly annoyed so again, I asked what was wrong. He said that he feels like I’ve been unappreciative towards him, that he’s gone out of his way a lot, and that I didn’t comfort him appropriately last night.
I told him I do appreciate him but also I just had a stroke & I don’t have the mental capacity to deal with him sulking around & having to manage his emotions. I need to be focused on my cognitive therapy to make sure I have the best recovery possible.
I told him I’d be getting an Uber home and I hope he got his work done. He said he didn’t want me to be alone & I said I’d rather be alone than deal with drama.
So now I’m home alone, & my mom is buying a last-minute ticket to come stay with me. He’s called me several times acting like nothing happened but I’m peeved. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
1000x I’m so sorry about your stroke and I hope you are recovering well and receiving the love and support you need from your mom. Maybe this is the universe telling you that he is not the guy for you.
You already said it best: you’d rather be alone than deal with his drama. Please don’t forget that and take this time to focus on yourself.” green1s
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This partner of yours doesn’t care a whit about you.
‘I said I had a headache & he told me that’s not possible since I don’t have nerves in my brain.’ Hey brainiac, are you a doctor? And, ‘I asked him to take me to pick up my meds.
Again, he was annoyed and asked why I picked a CVS that was 6 minutes away instead of a closer one.’ Hey dude, passive-aggressive much? You need to drop this bozo, his lack of basic empathy for you is a huge red flag that this relationship wasn’t met to be.
Hope you get better soon and find a better partner.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve most certainly been appreciative and I don’t know what he expects from you — I mean, you just had a stroke…. was he not paying attention to the doctors when they talked about how to care for you, did he bother to look it up?
Does he not have friends he can vent to about his work stresses? Could he not have verbalized that if he wasn’t up to caring for you long-term right now you could have planned to have your mom come while not having to pay for a last-minute ticket?
I mean, surely he must know your mom is likely not his biggest fan right now.” fallingintopolkadots
16. AITJ For Wanting Custody Of My Niece And Withholding Money From My Sister?
“I (42F) have a sister (34F) who is trapped in a bad relationship. She is creative and talented, and worked hard to get a degree, but also has been struggling with depression since she was a teenager. She met her husband 12 years ago (married 9), he was creative, but never lasted long on any job and has limited education.
They mostly survived with my sister’s low salary while living in my sister’s house, (left to her by her father). My family has been helping financially over the years (mostly me), especially after my little niece (5y) was born.
He constantly was unfaithful and mentally mistreated her, making fun of her depression. They never had money and he often left her and went back to the city he is from, not sending any money for my niece, until he decided he was in love with someone else and wanted the divorce.
They filed for divorce last year (not finalized yet) and he left the city again, threatening that he was going to be back for my niece and take her away.
Issue: My sister is now homeless.
He came back and my sister got convinced that life was giving them another chance to start fresh in another city, so she sold her house very cheap (cash offer ~17,000 USD + 3,000 when the sale was finalized), she gave some $$ to him and of course, he left her immediately to be with his other woman.
My sister had no other option but to tell us that she had lost the house. We were able to take the little cash she had left (~7,000) and I put it into an investment account to help my niece go to college, my sister agreed, and I will take the documents for her to see.
I was also lucky that the realtor agreed to cancel the sale, I paid the money he gave her +20%. The house will be mine. She has been staying with my mom for a month now, (long story of why I had to take a bus back home and drag her out of her empty house).
I don’t want to give her the money for her to spend with him, but I need her to sign the house for me when the paperwork is done. I need her signature, and she needs the money I have.
We are discovering many awful things he did to them, but my sister insists on going back to him. We know he has been coaching her on asking me for ALL her money back, and she will be escaping to be with him.
My family is getting disappointed, I still think my sister needs help. She takes her medication and goes to a therapist, but she is not following the recommendation to limit contact with him.
I’m seriously considering getting a lawyer and asking for full custody of my niece, She is 5, with a very serious speech delay, she gets sick very often and they do not seek proper health care.
Sister has been selling her few possessions left (laptop, microwave, blender ) to send him money while complaining about not having enough to properly feed my niece. I also don’t want to give her the money I have in the bank, I rather pay her debts, including what she owes to another sister.
Would I be the jerk for petitioning for custody and not giving her any funds?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you love your sister and want what’s best for her. But she’s a grown up and you can’t make her decisions.
BUT, if you ended up with the trust of this money, and are planning on saving it for your niece, then don’t let her have it to send to him. It also sounds like you love your niece very much.
If she is in a dangerous situation, maybe begin by offering to be her guardian while your sister sorts herself out. This would be a first-try/best-case scenario option. Getting the law into the mix can be bad for all relationships involved. I would recommend going the lawyer route as a last resort.” jonelin
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, your sister is being severely mistreated. It’s really sad and bad. It sounds like you’ve got a really tough decision to make but that you’re trying to do what’s best for your niece.
That’s all you can do now. You can’t protect your sister, she’s an adult and she’ll have to protect herself. I’m sure you’ve given her money in the past because you want to help her, but at this point giving her money is just enabling the bad decisions.
You’ll have to withdraw that form of support. But you could also let your sister know that if she ever needs help leaving that jerk she’ll have your support.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You need to decide who you want to save.
Your sister or your niece. Sadly, you can’t choose both, and I think you should choose your niece. Your sister is being mistreated by that man, but she is in return abusing her daughter. She’s lost their home and refuses to get her medical care, it sounds like she isn’t feeding her properly, and she’s neglecting her development.
She is abusive. Just because her intentions aren’t malicious doesn’t mean that she isn’t *profoundly* abusing her daughter. Go for custody. If that means that you have to hand over the cash to get custody, I’d recommend you do it.
But please, prioritize everything on getting your niece into a safe and stable home. She’s only five. She’s a total innocent. She deserves better and she’s definitely young enough to turn all of this around, but only if she’s removed from that mess *now.* Until you have her safe and sound, you need to treat your sister as an adversary that you are rescuing her from.
Once your niece is safe, you can start trying to help your sister. But until then, your niece should be the only priority.” Cursd818
15. AITJ For Defending My Mom Against Her Husband's Family's Mockery?
“My mom and I (17f) are very close. She was a single mom most of my life.
And she fled a “community” she grew up in to make sure I had a better life than her. My mom never got a real education. She was taught how to take care of children and clean. I believe my mom also has dyslexia or possibly some other learning disability based on some stuff I have seen.
But she adapted to the world outside the “community” well enough to hold down a job that could support the two of us. Though she worked a lot of hours.
My mom is a great cook when she has a book with pictures to show what she needs to do.
She can follow picture instructions a lot better than words. This is one of the many things that makes me curious about dyslexia. But my mom has never wanted to look into that. She’s embarrassed and also feels she is “too old” to get tested and help.
I don’t push her because I know this can be a sensitive topic and I don’t want to make her feel worse.
I bring this up because it plays into my issue with her husband and his family.
She met her husband “John” 4 years ago and they got married last year. He seemed okay at first. I was wary of him because he gave off weird vibes about how my mom was and I worried he would try to take advantage of her history and lack of education.
Nothing has specifically happened with that. But for a while now when he’s around his family, they criticize my mom for her lack of cooking skills. To be more specific they make harsh comments about her cooking from pictures instead of written recipes or knowing more basics without needing the pictures.
They have also mentioned how awful her writing is and made some mocking comments about her writing being illegible (which is another sign of dyslexia). I have held back on saying anything because my mom is an adult and I never want to make her life more difficult or make her feel bad that I had to stand up for her.
But last weekend I lost my temper. Her MIL was being a real jerk and telling mom she should quit her job and give her grandkids or figure out a way to get a more sophisticated job and something to be proud of.
She called my mom worthless to everyone. Mom’s SIL laughed and her husband was smirking. He then brought up how she saves so hard for me so I can go to college and doesn’t ever mention them having a baby and the way he said it, it was so ugh, slimy.
It was gross. He was trying to shame her. I lost my temper and told them at least my mom is kind and compassionate and knows how to treat people unlike bullies like them who have no idea what it’s like to grow up with hardships.
Her husband’s parents went crazy on me and mom snapped and told them they never speak to me like that. They said I had no right to speak to them like that. Her husband said she should have corrected me when we got home.
My mom and him fought and he said some even meaner things to her. She told me how sorry she was after and I felt so bad. And I made things worse for her which I hate.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ I think that this situation could be considered a “wake-up call” for your mother, she deserves to be treated with much more respect than is being given. You both have been through more things than your in-laws combined and that usually makes others uncomfortable so they have to project on others and make themselves feel better.” aspiringm1lf__
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mother sounds like an amazing woman. Her husband is abusive. And I suspect he married her because he thought she would be subservient. She is a single mother, with no help and sometimes women in this condition are seen as prey by abusive men.
Hopefully, this was a wake-up call for your mom and she kicked him to the curb. He showed her who he is and she should believe him.” svdw_nyxoxo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even though we are strangers, I am so proud you stood up for your mom.
I stand up for myself and what’s right, even if it’s the less favored opinion. You did the right thing. The family sounds like they can’t handle what they dish out, which is pathetic and disgusting.
Maybe they should learn manners.” GentleBear93
14. AITJ For Refusing To Redo An Assignment And Reporting My Unfair Professor?
“I (21M) am an art student, and one of the courses we have to take is an animation course. The professor (52M) has a history of treating and judging his students unfairly, as well as being pretty bad at teaching.
During the classes, he talks about politics, leaves for what he calls “government-mandated breaks” and ends the class at least an hour early. He doesn’t bother teaching us the basics until the semester is almost over.
This semester the professor gave us a group assignment – we had to make an animated music video.
He chose the music and told us to divide it into smaller fragments – 3 for each person in our group to animate. He told us about the assignment around 2 months before the end of the semester, which left us with not a lot of time to work.
We quickly divided the music and got to animation. During the classes, the professor didn’t care about what we had to show – every time he just showed us some animations on YouTube “for inspiration” and left. We even asked him if he wanted to look at the way we had divided the music, but he just said that “There’s no need for that”.
I am pretty passionate about animation, so I worked a lot on my fragments of the video, but with the limited time we had I barely managed to finish them on time.
During the final class, the professor finally watched the animation.
He told us that it was very creative, but there was an issue – he thought the way we divided the music was “horrendous”. He sat down and cut up the music in a completely different way, then told us to start again.
He also added more fragments to animate, so now everyone has to do even more work – not to mention we have to do this during our winter break. I am a very quiet person, but this time I couldn’t take it.
I told him I refused to do any of that. I tried to stay calm, but my friends told me I was irritated. I told him that we asked him to look at what we were making every class, but he replied that “there was no time” and that “he had other, more important issues to discuss during our classes”.
I told him that he disrespected all the work we had done, to which he told me to “not talk to him with that kind of attitude” and left. After coming back he ignored me and told me to “put that energy into animating”.
He ended the class and told us that during winter break there would be a mandatory class where we would be discussing the remake, and left.
After some thinking, I decided to report this professor for what he had done.
All the people in my group just rolled their eyes and told me to drop it, that “this is just the way he is” and “even if I reported this, there would be nothing done about it”. They had a lot more issues with him than I did (since I already knew how to animate) – they just don’t want to engage in a conflict, because they “are scared of the consequences”.
I am still set on reporting him, but my group doesn’t support my decision. Am I the jerk for refusing that kind of treatment from a professor?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A teacher’s job is to teach. It doesn’t sound like he’s doing that – even after you requested guidance.
For him to judge you so harshly is unjust. And there’s no such thing as “government-mandated breaks.” The reason he behaves the way he does is most likely a result of no one standing up to him. So good for you.
Just make sure you keep all documentation that can show his unwillingness to help. And don’t rely on other students – they will probably be too afraid to back you up.” green1s
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Report him.
I had one like that. He would start a lecture, jump to talking about something that had nothing to do with the subject, leave for long breaks, and the best, run his hand over his mouth so there was no way to understand what he was talking about.
I reported him and he was gone by the end of that month. Several were upset with me.” BooCat3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Report him. I had a teacher in my college Communications class who would come in, have the first person stand up in front of the class to read their report aloud, and she’d tell us, “Keep going” and leave.
We’d spend the class reading our reports to each other, and then mysteriously get graded on the presentation, which she never heard.” Realistic_Sorbet2826
13. AITJ For Confronting My Mother About Allegedly Kidnapping Me From My Brother?
“My parents divorced when I (14F) was 9 and my older brother (22M) had to take care of me (he was around 17 when they divorced).
My father married a new woman and has his new family now so we aren’t in contact at all. My mother moved back to Korea to be with her family. When I was 12 my brother got a partner and a little bit after decided to tell me that he couldn’t take care of me anymore and said I was going back to Korea with my mother.
He only started thinking like this after his partner came into the picture. I don’t think she liked me very much but anyway. My mother came to the USA to take me back but I didn’t want to (I was kicking and screaming)
After 6 months in Korea, my mother took me back to the USA because her partner (40M) proposed and now we live with him and they are engaged. He had two kids from a previous marriage, 12M and 16 M.
Today my step brothers and stepfather left to go on a trip to Italy and I was just lying on my bed when I got a notification from TikTok saying this account followed me. So I checked out the account and it was my brother’s friend (22M)(I was close with him before I left).
I followed him back and he messaged me after we were talking for a while just seeing how each other was doing he started talking about my brother and his message went something like this:
He misses you, and he broke up with [partner] not long after you left. I was going to keep this from you but you deserve to know this.
[Partner] was in contact with your mother while they were together and helped her get you back to Korea.
For context, my brother had completely cut off my parents after they divorced and left me with him. I’m guessing he told his partner that he doesn’t talk to them and she went looking.
My mother asked for her help to bring me back to her.
I’m so surprised because if she wants me so bad why did she leave me with my brother?
He also told me that my brother didn’t know I was going back to Korea so fast, a week after he told me he couldn’t take care of me anymore.
When my mother showed up he didn’t want to let her in because he was having second thoughts about letting me go. My mother brought some papers to prove I was still in custody of her or something so he couldn’t do anything.
I haven’t talked to my brother since I left. My mother made me delete his number and told me that he didn’t want me anymore. I thought my brother hated me. I miss my brother. I don’t like it here my stepbrother is mean to me all the time and I’m not close to my stepfather.
About an hour later, I went to my mother and asked her about this. I asked her if she was lying to me about my brother not wanting me and I accused her of kidnapping me from him.
She got really mad at me and grounded me. She called my stepfather and made him come back home because she was really upset. My stepbrothers are mad that I got their trip canceled.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, no matter the situation, you were left in the dark and were forced into a life you didn’t want without any say. INFO though, what did your mom say when you confronted her with what your brother’s friend said?
Did she admit to lying about his feelings? Is there any way to get confirmation from your brother about anything your friend said? I wouldn’t think he’d be a liar, but your brother essentially giving you up for his partner doesn’t paint the prettiest picture with him.” Arakarani
12. AITJ For Installing A Lock On My Bedroom Door After My Family Kept Snooping?
“Let me start this off by saying that I am a very private person. I know that might have added to this mess, but I feel like I should have a place where I can be alone and just vibe.
This happened in my junior year of high school. I keep my door closed because I love doing art and I can’t focus on the noise coming from the living room or when I know I’m being watched. In late April my older brother came up to me and told me that he was snooping in my room and found my art book.
I got red in the face and changed the subject so fast. He didn’t push the subject any further. Then a few months later I was in the front room getting ready for work and my little brother came into the room and just stared at me.
I asked him what he wanted, and he asked why I would draw that kind of stuff. I was taken aback because I didn’t know what he meant. He clarified that he went to my room to look at some of my art, he’s also an artist and that’s when he stumbled into my art book. I got embarrassed but I had to go to work.
Later that night I got home I told both of them that they shouldn’t be snooping around, and I didn’t feel comfortable that they were doing that. They both said sorry and promised they wouldn’t do it again.
I caught them going through my room a couple more times after that, but I didn’t care about that because I found a hiding place for the book, and they couldn’t find it. The last straw that broke the camel’s back was during my senior year of high school.
I spent the day I had off drawing in a separate art book and after I ate dinner, I decided I would go take a shower. I left my book on my desk under a pile of school papers.
After I was done with my shower I got back to my room and something was off, but I couldn’t tell what.
After getting dressed I wanted to draw a bit more, so I opened my art book and found a gift certificate for some free ice cream.
I started to panic because I knew someone had seen the stuff I was drawing, I questioned my brothers but neither of them admitted to going into my room. I asked my father and he had no clue.
My mom called me into her room as she was getting ready for bed. I think she heard me mention the gift certificate. She admitted to going into my room. At first, she just wanted to give me the gift but wanted it to be a surprise, so she went through the papers on my desk and found my art book (the SFW one) she loves my art but doesn’t see it often because I feel nervous about showing off to anyone.
(to the point of throwing up) She mentions liking one of my original characters. Which causes me to get beat red in the face. I couldn’t say anything but a faint goodnight and went back to my room to be anxious through the night.
The next day I got my father to take me out to buy a lock and even helped me put it on my door. I keep it locked when I’m not in it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell them: If they snoop, it is their fault if they can’t handle what they see.
Your family are jerks. The best way to handle this is to buy some stuff and hide them where they will find them next time they snoop. And then put a sticky on them with “HA, caught you snooping.”.
But a door lock or a lockbox are good ideas, too.” Excellent-Count4009
11. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Didn't Call Before My Surgery?
“I’m a 22 yr old F seeing a 21yr old M for a little over a year now and we are long distance, he lives on the East Coast, I live on the West Coast, and ever since we got close I told him about my biggest insecurity was my nose.
My nose I felt was quite large and had a bump on the ridge and I often got made fun of for it growing up and by my own family. It’s been a major source of insecurity for me so I got a job and spent 6 months saving up to get a rhinoplasty.
Since mid-2023, when I was in the beginning stages of looking for surgeons and doing research I told him I wanted us to call at least for a couple minutes before the surgery because he calmed me down and I just wanted to see him before I got put under anesthesia.
I was so afraid that I wasn’t gonna wake up for some reason and I was convinced I was gonna die on that table. For ~ 8 months I told him about my fears and how much it would mean to me if we could call for a couple of of minutes before I go and each time he reassured me and said we can call with no problems.
But when the day came in 2024, I texted him and reminded him that I go into surgery at 8 am which would be 11 am his time, and to be ready to call. By the time the hospital staff were about to wheel me into surgery at 8:30, He had already ended up lagging in our texts for about 45 minutes & I told them I needed more time but what I did was tell him that I was going into surgery now and the fact that he couldn’t call me broke my heart.
The moment I sent those messages, he told me he got busy with running errands and one of them was to go see an old high school teacher. He said he didn’t have the time because he says he got busy with talking to his teacher but he can call now.
But at that moment it was too late, the hospital staff barged into my room and took my phone from me and I couldn’t help but cry and feel so alone and scared in that moment. I fell asleep crying and while I was out I couldn’t help but think about how heartbroken I was.
I thought anesthesia was supposed to knock you out completely but I was thinking and feeling emotions like I was in a light slumber..
When I finally woke up and was physically able to use my phone, I told him just a couple minutes would’ve been adequate I just wanted to see him and talk to him briefly like I had been telling him all these months.
He got frustrated with me and told me that he had been super busy the day before and that he hadn’t eaten, slept through his alarm, and was late for work today and busy with/ all these errands he had to do and how his teacher wouldn’t stop talking and how he tried his best given his circumstances.
He said I should be more understanding, to stop painting him as the villain and how it wasn’t his fault.
AITJ for not being understanding or was I asking too much of him in the moment?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ The drama with this one is real. You “thought you were going to die” but you still went and got your nose done….. Yeah…. People who truly think they’re going to die during surgery don’t go through with an elective procedure.
The dude was busy with work. Get over it.” SigSauerPower320
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re getting some unfair judgment due to the nature of the procedure. Elective surgery is still surgery and it can be scary.
I know my partner has called me to give support over more trivial things than this (going into a big meeting at work, a dr appt to receive test results, etc). Bottom line, it was important to you, he had lots of advanced notice, and didn’t care enough to reach out.
Also, he didn’t seem very apologetic from your post. Your partner should have been there for you. NTJ.” Flaky_Artichoke8294
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you have been whining about this surgery for months. Was it eight?
And throughout the day of the thing, for hours? You texted before. I honestly wonder why he didn’t manage this last step of calling since he’s put up with hearing about this procedure for so long ( I would have been exhausted).
Is it possible that you chose to be upset about this phone call instead of handling your fear more healthily? Talking to someone that could help you with the fear?” unzunzhepp
10. AITJ For Not Changing My Wedding Date After My Brother Suddenly Decided To Marry In The Same Month?
“In April my husband and I both 31 got engaged on a beach in the PNW.
We came home that same weekend and I told everyone that we planned to get married as soon as the work contract that took him out of town ended which would be September or October which would be the funds we used to pay for the wedding and we would like to have a beach wedding.
Later that month I got my wedding dress and we started contacting many venues. A lot didn’t work out because we wanted just something small and affordable and with him being home only a day or two a week we had limited planning time and a short window before the weather in this area was not good.
At this time my brother and his fiancé were getting ready to have their second child. I had included her in the wedding dress shopping and shared ideas with her and every time we spoke she still brought up the big wedding that she eventually wanted. After about a month or two after the baby arrived, we were at a family get-together and she asked me if I had made any more plans yet I said not it looks like it will have to be the beginning of October now because of his contract.
Then she brought up now she and my brother were thinking about maybe also getting married in October on their anniversary. I was nice about it and said it would be cool if they got married too. That was the last I had heard of it.
Then September 4th I found a venue I was so excited it was exactly what I was trying to find this whole time the ceremony, cake, and photography were included. It was perfect I wrote my SIL and showed her everything and she told me how pretty it was and acted very happy for me I shared the date and everything with her because it was the soonest one they had available she never said anything was wrong.
I then asked if she was still considering going to the courthouse because they never said anything else to anyone else since. She let me know they did apply for a marriage license but they still had to contact the courthouse to see what’s available.
I then showed my fiancé and mom the venue and shared my SIL conversation and my mom was surprised as well because she didn’t know they had applied for the marriage license either.
My mom asked me to let them know ASAP if we booked this venue so she could get the days off, I spoke with my husband and since everyone gave us good feedback decided to book it, we sent out a group message so anyone who wanted to come could ask for the time off and then my brother replied you know we are getting married on our anniversary why couldn’t you choose a different month.
(My wedding was 3 days before possibly & didn’t interfere with anyone attending.) My first response was to cancel the wedding and I said that but no response to me they fought with my family as well because nobody understood why they were mad since they didn’t even tell us they were following through and they knew months ago I said October.
With no contact, we decided to go through with our wedding. AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they were getting married in Oct they should’ve spoken up when you mentioned the possibility the first time. My bet is brother’s fiancée gave him an ultimatum to get married now and demand you change your wedding.
Don’t change your date. They get a wedding day, not a wedding month” Emotional_Bonus_934.
9. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Drive Me To My Car Due To Unsafe Walking Conditions?
“I (23f) have two friends Lora (24f) and Kylie (24f) (they also have two other roommates who I’m not close with). They recently moved into a townhouse on a busy road. A couple of months ago the city blocked off the street parking in front of their house to create a bike lane (which is useless btw because the street they live on merges into an extremely busy road that’s known for being super unsafe for pedestrians and bikes) that leaves the only available parking to get to their house a small section of street parking at the end of their street (2-3 minute walk from their door), Their driveway which parks two cars on a steep slope and you have to back out into oncoming traffic blind, and unlimited street parking on the next street over (10ish minute walk from their house on an incredibly steep hill)
So a couple of days ago Lora called me and asked when I wanted to pick up the shoes I had left at their house plus if I wanted they had a ton of leftover bread they made and I could take some if I wanted. I told her I would grab it that day after I got off work around 6ish.
Lora said that would be fine.
All was set I drove over after work and saw the driveway was full and so was the close-by street parking. The only spots were in front of the neighbor’s driveways and a super small spot I couldn’t fit my car into.
So I drove to the further street parking which was wide open and parked my car.
I parked and walked up the hill which was extremely dark and covered in a sheet of ice. I had bad shoes on since I had just come from work but barely made it having to crawl for a part of it.
After getting my stuff from Lora I asked if she could drive me back to my car since my hands were full and I didn’t think I could safely make it down the icy hill.
Lora said no because it was a waste to drive me back to my car.
I asked her why and she said she didn’t want to get into her car drive me and park again. I said I was sorry but it was super icy and dark and I didn’t feel comfortable walking.
Lora asked me why I didn’t park in the close street parking or the driveway. I explained it was full and I didn’t want to block people’s driveways. Lora said I should’ve just blocked the driveways cause it’s not a big deal and I was just running inside real quick.
I apologized again and asked if she could please just drive me. She said no and told me to get an Uber or******* up. Eventually, Kylie heard this conversation and told Lora to just do it cause she wouldn’t wanna walk either.
Lora agreed and drove me to my car which took like 5 minutes top. Kylie told me later that Lora was ranting about how I was spoiled, bratty, and a huge jerk. Kylie said I shouldn’t feel bad cause she’d do the same thing.
But I feel horrible. I don’t know if I was being a jerk in this situation I mean I didn’t feel safe walking but I did it earlier. I genuinely don’t know if I’m in the wrong for this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Honestly I was going to go with no jerks here until I got to the end. I wouldn’t hesitate to do what you asked in those conditions, I wouldn’t want to find out a friend got hurt when I could have taken 5-10 minutes to prevent it… But that being said Lora wasn’t obligated to take your request. Kylie could have taken you (assuming two cars, one is hers) and not forced Lora into doing something she didn’t want to do.
Ultimately for me, Lora ranting about you afterward makes her the jerk. She lost 10 minutes of her time to make sure a friend made it back to their car safely… what’s to rant about, she should be patting herself on the back.” Doktor_Seagull
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- She doesn’t sound like a very considerate friend. My first instinct is to help my friends. If I see them carrying a lot of things I offer to help. If they tell me “Hey I can’t make this walk etc” I think common courtesy is just to offer some help, why?
Well because I would want someone to help me in return when I needed it. I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who can’t consider other people’s feelings.” ChocoMaister
8. AITJ For Yelling At My Grandma For Invading My Privacy?
“I moved in with my almost 87-year-old grandma 2 years ago after her husband passed away. We’ve always been very close, so I was happy to be in a position where I could come help her. Luckily, she’s independent and can still drive.
Her biggest hurdle is she suffers from fibro and the pain can get intense. She rests a lot during the day.
I have my health issues (including fibro) and am on disability, so I’m available. I can and do take care of the apartment.
Other than her bathroom and the dishes, I clean it. She’s a neatnik, so I let her dust to her heart’s content to fulfill her need to clean. I vacuum, cook most meals, take out the trash, etc, the normal stuff I would do living on my own anyway.
That’s our little world, it works out great, except she does not respect boundaries.
I have my bedroom and a full bathroom right next to it. I consider this my corner of the apt. It’s not much space but I work with it.
I enjoy my setup because it’s on the opposite end of the apt from the TV. I get sensory overload from TV noise easily, especially in the afternoon/evening when I’m starting to get tired. I keep the door shut when I’m in here.
She also knows and is cool that I’m introverted, I need rest myself, and simply I enjoy being alone with my cat.
The problem: I have gone through a rough time trying to get her to not come into my room uninvited. I’m at my wit’s end, I have wracked my brain.
She believes she can come in whenever she wants. She doesn’t care that I’m almost 40, or just got out of the shower. She just barges in! I’ve asked her to knock. At first (still pretty often), she banged on the door like the cops on a raid, which scares me every time and makes my cat run off when she immediately opens the door.
I have asked her to not do that, her solution is she less intensely knocks hard than immediately comes in.
I have tried locking the door, which she freaked out about and called my dad. I’ve asked her to wait til I say come in to open the door, which doesn’t solve the initial scaring me.
I’ve told her to plain leave me alone. I’ve tried to talk to her and she never has a reason as to why she thinks this is ok. I tell her it’s a privacy thing, which is met with “But I’m your grandma!
I’ve seen you plenty of times!” I guess if you count my non-adulthood, that’s true, but privacy is way more than just not wanting people to see me.
I finally had enough today. I cried. I talked to her but ended up angry enough to slam my door behind me as I finally did yell “LEAVE ME ALONE!” She came in 3 times after without even knocking.
Finally, I locked the door and texted my dad that I did so that when she called him, he could get her to leave me alone. She was offended and didn’t. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your need for privacy is completely valid, regardless of your close relationship with your grandma.
It’s important to set clear boundaries, and her constant intrusion is understandably frustrating. Consider having a calm discussion with her, perhaps with your dad present, to firmly but kindly reiterate your need for privacy. Explaining that it’s about respecting your space might help her understand.
Finding a compromise, like agreed times for interaction, could also help balance your mutual needs.” Ok-Imagination5264
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not sure if it’s legal where you are, but you could just put a doorknob that locks on your door.
Keep it locked when you’re in there. You’re a caregiver. You deserve time to yourself to decompress. You may not think you do a lot for her, but you do. I’m a caregiver for my brother-in-law. I’d recommend r/caregiversupport so you can vent freely with people who get it.” EmotionalMycologist9
7. AITJ For Doing Laundry In The Morning After My Roommate Kept Me Up At Night?
“So I (24F) live with my roommate Jane (25F) and two other roommates (both 25M).
We are all in the same friend group from uni, and we all moved to the same city for our jobs after graduation. We all recently moved in together: Jane and I lived with our families for the first 2 years after graduation to save money by not unnecessarily paying rent (we both already lived in this city our whole lives).
Many of our uni friends moved into a big house together and recently decided they wanted to live in smaller, quieter houses at the same time that Jane and I both wanted to move out of our families’ houses.
Jane has always been my closest friend from our group, so we were excited to finally live together along with 2 of our friends who were moving out of the big house. Jane and I get on so well, and personality-wise we are pretty different, but that is what makes our friendship work so well.
She is a night owl, I am an early bird, she is extroverted, I am introverted, etc. We didn’t think that we’d have any problems living together because we had spent so much time with each other anyway.
We moved into our new house 2 months ago. The first month was great, but recently I’ve been getting a bit frustrated, and an incident ended up happening on Saturday. The layout of our flat is a bit odd: all the normal rooms that you would expect to find on the ground floor are on the first floor (kitchen, utility room, living room).
Jane and I’s bedrooms are on the ground floor. It is very noisy in both Jane’s and I’s rooms whenever anyone is using the kitchen, living room, or utility room – you can hear every word anyone says, and every footstep as the floors are so creaky.
Jane often gets back late after work – she usually goes to after-work drinks or some sort of social event. I am up early in the mornings and go to bed at a reasonable time. The problem is, when Jane returns in the evening she is noisy in the kitchen, and turns the TV on with the volume high, often after midnight.
This wakes me up and keeps me awake, which is annoying. I’ve mentioned it to her and she says she’ll be quieter next time, but never is. Not only that, but one time I was doing laundry on a Saturday morning, about 10 am, and she came upstairs and asked me not to do chores so early on the weekends because it wakes her up earlier than she wants to.
I apologized, and from then on have waited until later in the day to use the utility room.
For 5 nights in a row last week, she kept me up at night. I had a busy day Saturday and needed to get chores done, so I decided that since she does not give me any consideration, I would get on with my day and do my laundry after I had got up in the morning, this time at about 9:30.
She came upstairs and called me inconsiderate. I told her that she sees no problem being inconsiderate to me at night. She got angry and said that what she does is different, but I don’t see how. If anything, she operates at less socially acceptable times than I do.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a basic consideration to be quiet when others are sleeping. Using the kitchen quietly is often necessary tho- so the layout is going to affect your quality of life. For the moment, why not wear earplugs to bed?
The obvious (not perfect) fix would be for her to wear her earbuds when she comes home at night.” Artemis1911
Another User Comments:
“NTJ moving in with friends can be tricky. The fact that she’s unable to see that she’s being hypocritical probably means that you’re living arrangement is not going to work out.
Maybe try to have a formal roommate meeting where you guys come up with house rules like quiet hours etc. If she’s unable to compromise that’s your sign to find another loving arrangement. Good luck!!” Sea-Ad3724
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needs to understand that she can’t be a lousy roommate and expect everyone to work around her. You compromised and started doing your laundry later but she didn’t get any quieter. Why should she be able to make you lose sleep by being loud for no reason but you can’t do the same to her to do necessary chores.” Fearless_Ad1685
6. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Manipulative Mother Stay With Me After She Lost Her House?
“My mom’s house sold at auction at the end of April ‘23. On Jan 2nd ‘24 she was removed from the house.
She texted me yesterday asking if she could stay with me. I had to tell her no, again. Despite all she has put me through, I still love her. My dad passed in June 2019. It’s been very hard on our family.
Since his death, the relationship with my mom has become strained. My brother hasn’t had anything to do with her since Jan 2021. My mom would pit us against one another. It was a habitual cycle of distrust and manipulation by her that we have since worked through.
My brother, SIL, and I have a great relationship since my mom is no longer in the picture. She blames us for her not paying her mortgage we never knew she wasn’t paying. After the auction, she then had 10 days to vacate.
Within those 10 days, she talked to the new owner and gave him her sad story. He felt bad for her and made a deal for her to stay there for 3 months and get her the surplus money from the sale of the house.
She was supposed to use that time to find a place, pack, and move. She didn’t do that.
After she got almost 40k from him and the 3 months were up she told him to talk to her lawyer.
It then went to court- she lost. She had until the end of Nov to leave. In total, she had 8 months to find a place and move as well as almost 40k but still did nothing. During this time she has withheld belongings that were supposed to go to my brother and me after my dad’s passing.
She refused to give us anything and would constantly make comments like “You don’t know what it’s like. You only lost a father, I lost a husband. My loss is greater than yours”. Those hurt. Jan 2nd she called me to come get whatever I wanted because they were kicking her out.
She went next door and talked to my brother through the doorcam and told him the same thing. So he and I both left work to finally get our family’s stuff. I was then told by her that anything I took was still hers and I was just holding it for her.
I told her no. She and I argued and I walked out of the house in tears because I was so hurt and mad. She tried to have us arrested for getting stuff even though she was the one who told us to.
After my SIL told her that we had her recorded on the doorcam telling us to come get what we wanted, she relented. Even after all that, I still helped her move some stuff to storage.
She ended up at a shelter that would help her find a place to stay and work with her.
She has known since April that she’s not allowed at my house because my husband won’t allow her there after everything she has put me through. He has held me while I’ve cried one too many times and can’t stand the manipulation and emotional turmoil she has put me through.
She chose to bury her head in the sand and now wants to stay with me because she can’t find a place for her and 2 Dobermans She is now threatening to come to get the dogs even though she has nowhere to go yet, simply because she’s mad at me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, a million times over. Listen to your husband and brother, break all contact if possible for all of your sake. > She blames us for her not paying her mortgage that we never knew she wasn’t paying.
This is nonsense she’s just trying to extort her kids by emotional manipulation to make her life easier with this one. > “You don’t know what it’s like. You only lost a father, I lost a husband.
My loss is greater than yours” This one is the grossest. Loss is not a contest and both of you lost the same person. She’s just wallowing in self-pity at this point. > He felt bad for her and made a deal for her to stay there for 3 months and get her the surplus money from the sale of the house.
She was supposed to use that time to find a place, pack, and move. She didn’t do that. After she got almost 40k from him and the 3 months were up she told him to talk to her lawyer.
It then went to court- she lost. This is pure insanity in 4 sentences. A nice man who bought a house gave her 3 months in what was *his* house at that point, and she dared to tell him to speak to her lawyer?
Sorry to say this about your mother, but I think this unpleasant woman is crazy.” Dangerous_Jacket_129
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did more for her already than most people in your position. Don’t answer the door if she comes over.
Those dogs don’t need to deal with her kind of crazy.” Realistic_Sorbet2826
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Sadly you lost the only parent you ever really had in June 2019, your dad. This person has never been your mother, she is for all intents and purposes a stranger to you.
Don’t feel the least bit guilty of any sob story she may give you, you don’t owe her anything. And besides, she will just make your home life unbearable if you were to do the stupid thing and let her live with you.
She is a lost cause and should remain so. If you have everything already that you wanted from the house, then go completely NC and be prepared to get RO if things further get out of hand with her.
She is the one who has made her life miserable and don’t let her drag you down to her level. You have a family now that is your primary responsibility and concern now. They need you, you don’t need her.” Mustng1966
5. AITJ For Not Hosting D&D After Learning My Cat Died From Ex's Family?
“I (34m) left a marriage two years ago. I left suddenly, and I couldn’t take my cat, Dash, with me. He wasn’t a young cat, I had him since I was 16. My ex-spouse took care of him for a while, and then my ex-SIL and her wife – who I was on good terms with – took him in.
I still couldn’t take him because the place I live didn’t allow pets. Ex-SIL and wife adore cats and I knew that Dash would be taken care of.
I am grateful that ex-SIL and wife made Dash’s final years comfortable.
I would be sent photos and general updates about how he was going. I visited when I could, which wasn’t as often as I liked because they live very far away. Dash was deeply loved and cared for.
He brought joy to all of our lives.
I had been hosting D&D games for years, before and after I left my ex. Our last session was this past November. By the end, it was clear that the wife was upset.
I thought it had been something I had done that upset her. The game ended early and we took a break for the rest of the year. I gave them the space I thought they needed.
In the new year, ex-SIL and wife contact me again to schedule our next session for tonight.
I was worried, but I agreed. I saw wanted to make up for last time.
I was talking to my kids (7m and 9m) earlier this week. Out of nowhere, they tell me that Dash is dead. I kept a straight face for their sake and tried to move on.
When I asked my ex how the kids were handling it, I got more information than expected. They had seen Dash over Christmas. His kidneys were failing. Dash passed away two weeks ago.
Dash was old, and the fact he has passed and how isn’t what upsets me.
I had no idea how sick he had been recently. Ex-SIL and wife didn’t tell me anything. Dash’s passing isn’t their fault and this is probably a very difficult time for them. It’s that I didn’t get to say goodbye to Dash, and the news had to come from my kids.
I was devastated and furious. They had so much time to tell me what was happening. I still don’t understand why they couldn’t just say that he didn’t have much time left and that I should come to see him.
Now Dash is dead and will never get the chance to thank him for being there all those years.
I decided that if they were going to deny me the courtesy of telling me and being there in his final moments, I had no reason to DM them.
I deleted our discord server and my notes and went silent.
Tonight, I got a message from an ex-SIL asking about the session. I briefly respond, explaining that I know about Dash, that I am having a lot of mixed feelings, and that I’m not ready now.
This is followed by a message from the wife. She was planning on telling me tonight. I can’t help but wonder if she was going to tell me before or after the session.
Ex-SIL and wife are understandably upset.
They cared very deeply for Dash. Still, I’m very hurt. If they had only told me sooner, I could have had one more chance to see him again. I cannot talk to them right now, and that means not DMing them for a long time.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Understandable that you are upset. This dynamic is a bit odd because after divorce you still hang with her family. So you guys created this weird friendship at the very least. So the fact that if your friend didn’t tell you this, you would be upset, no?
They know you have a love for the Cat. This runs deeper as they WERE family but became friends. I think aside from the kids, the only reason to connect is for DD and Dash. Now Dash is gone, no need to do DD with them.” Late-Growth5293
Another User Comments:
“I can understand that it’s a hard subject to bring up. Especially since they’d be dealing with their grief. But I can’t imagine why no one would have the basic humanity to tell you Dash was sick and dying.
Honestly, I’d be furiously angry. Yes, there’s no legal responsibility to do so but they had a month to mention it! If it was me and there weren’t kids involved I’d not speak to these two for a very long time.
NTJ” NatashOverWorld
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are allowed to grieve your furry family member. If this were a child (in this case, Dash was your child) and they were ill, you would want to know. They knew Dash had been your fur baby since you were 16.
You took great care to know that the people who were caring for him were people who would do it with as much love as you. I would have hoped they would have thought to contact you. I am sure they are grieving similarly.
Over time, you will not be so angry with them because as you pointed out, Dash was elderly and close to the inevitable rainbow crossing. I am so sorry for your loss. In time, you will return to D&D because Dash would want you to be happy.
All of you.” Diroshco
4. AITJ For Losing My Temper After My Grandparent And Father Constantly Interrupt Me?
“I’m a teenager and I live with my father, mother, and younger brother.
My parents are separated and she’s trying to move out.
We have a computer that is shared amongst me and my brother that’s in my dad’s bedroom and we take turns throughout the week.
Recently, I have been doing tutoring after school on my days on the computer, and it hasn’t bothered me because I don’t care.
When I got home the other day, my brother was on the computer. I didn’t care that he was using it, but I told him nicely to get off. However, he told me that he agreed with our grandparents that we switched days on the computer.
This angered me because the day before was his turn on the computer and that meant that I was losing one of my days. So, I told him how I felt about that and our argument escalated into a shouting match.
After calming down a bit, I called up our grandparents to talk. They tell me that they did switch our days. They explained they did this to help me because then I would get more time on the computer.
I said, “I appreciate that,” and I was going to explain what my problem was when they suddenly interrupted me to say something before telling me to give my phone to my brother to talk. I handed it over.
They told my brother in a condescending tone, “Hop off the computer and give it to your brother since he doesn’t appreciate us trying to help him.”
This made me angry. And this kind of thing was common for them and my father to do.
The grandparents and my father have in the past, sent me over the edge because they constantly interrupt me during arguments while I am explaining my pov. They did it during this phone call and the fact that they do it all the time made me mad.
I went over to where my phone was and began talking to them. We got into an argument and I shouted at them. By the end of the phone call, I had yelled at them, calling them a “condescending jerk.”
Immediately afterward, as I was upset, my father texted me to say that he was not pleased with how I spoke to them. So I called him so that I could explain myself. As I began talking, he interrupted me too, while I was in the middle of talking.
He kept interrupting me. So I just hung up and went into my room.
Fast forward a few hours, and I was in the car with my mother, driving around and doing errands. After a bit, I decided to text my grandparents to apologize but to also explain why I was so upset and that what they did was not appropriate.
However, the important part is what my grandparents replied with:
“Sorry. Won’t happen again. You know what they say no good deed goes unpunished.” essentially.
This made me angry and my mom told me that she didn’t like them because of how passive-aggressive and nosy they were.
So, in the moment, I decided to reply to their text with:
“I take back what I said, I’m not sorry.”
I’m just curious, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“How was your grandparent upending everything a reasonable solution? At any rate, hanging up on your parent is not a good look.
And you should know that no one has to listen to your POV. You’ll need to figure out how to resolve your frustration because people *choose* to listen to you. You can’t *force* them to. You can’t require that they give you the floor and listen to you, though.
Apologizing while scolding someone is not apologizing, either. And I’m sorry that you lack personal power in this dynamic. Behaving immaturely won’t win anyone over. NTJ so much as your temper tantrums sound exhausting to me.” AndSoItGoes24
3. AITJ For Not Telling My Friend I Didn't Shave My Hair For Her Cancer Battle?
“January 2023 one of my friends, Anna, opened up about her cancer diagnosis. She didn’t tell us about it until after it became more obvious that she was losing a lot of weight and losing her hair.
There was a group chat on social media where some of our friends talked about shaving their hair to show their support.
I wasn’t a part of the group chat as I’m not a big social media user. I log on maybe once every 2 or 3 months. No one told me about their plan. I think they all assumed someone else would tell me about it or I’d shave it when they did.
A few people knew I was thinking about cutting my hair, but I don’t think I told anyone outside of my partner and a co-worker I was going to shave it. Anna wanted to have a big birthday party with everyone there in case it was her last one, so of course I went.
What I didn’t know was that everyone was going to be shaving their hair at the party.
When I arrived my hair was already shaved. Anna saw me about 10 minutes after I arrived. She started crying when she saw me and said how thankful she was that I shaved it for her.
I tried to tell her I didn’t know about everyone shaving their hair and I had it planned for a few months. She was quiet after I told her, which led me to think it was awkward for her and she was avoiding talking about it.
At the time of the party, I didn’t recognize the signs of her disorientation from meds and chemo. I didn’t know what that looked like until things got worse for her.
A year later that friend is a lot better.
We talked last night and she broke down over how thankful she was that I shaved my hair for her. She said giving up that much hair to show support for her was one of the kindest things anyone has ever done.
It gave her a lot of strength to carry on. She fought to stay alive because she wanted to grow her hair out in the future as long as I did and donate it to someone else. She wanted to stay alive so she could rebuild our friendship and get closer to me again.
She went on and on for almost 20 minutes about how thankful she was that I did that for her. I didn’t know what to say. I never told her or anyone else that I did that for her.
I thought she was mentally there enough to have remembered me telling her the truth. I now think she may have been disoriented during the conversation at her party.
I talked to my mom about it last night and she said I shouldn’t tell her because it’s going to hurt her a lot.
My partner said the same thing. Everyone I talk to about it says it’s too important to her to ruin it. I would’ve shaved my hair for her if I knew what everyone was planning. My partner said that’s enough for me to not tell her because it’s something I would’ve done for her anyway.
I don’t know what to do. Should I wait until she’s fully better to tell the truth? Should I tell her today? Should I let her keep believing I did that for her? I feel horrible that she thinks I did that for her when I didn’t.
I feel like she deserves to know the truth.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Why would you feel the need to tell people that? There’s no need to say anything except feeling the need to tell someone to ‘go away’ She’s thankful you cut your hair in solidarity.
The reason you cut your hair doesn’t matter. You cut your hair. It was done. And she’s thankful. End drama Years later you still feel the need to tell her, no I didn’t do it for you is so oddly vengeful” RandomGuy_81.
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you tell her. It wouldn’t be for her, even though you frame it as such. It’s for you because you feel guilty, but it would rob her of something that helped her push through nearly dying.
Let her have this.******* up, deal with your guilt yourself, and don’t ruin her day. This lie helps her to feel less alone and helps her find the strength to keep moving forward. You don’t feel like she deserves to know the truth, you feel like you have to get the guilt off your chest. You shaved your head before everyone, so what?
If you would have shaved it, then consider it a happy coincidence you did it prematurely and it helped her so much. Be very grateful. She didn’t throw in the towel while she was suffering so much because of that coincidence.” DesolationAllRound
Another User Comments:
“Anna drew strength from the feeling of support she had from you to get her through her treatment. What good can come from undermining that feeling of support in any way? The best way you can continue to support her is by staying silent on the details.
You seem to worry that she will find out ‘the truth’ from someone else. That’s highly unlikely. Why on God’s green earth would anybody be so spiteful as to tell her anything to lessen her support structure.” purppledolphin
2. AITJ For Losing My Temper With My Mom Over Undermining My Parenting?
“My husband (38) and I (36F) have a daughter (Arya 10) and a son (7). My parents are very involved in both of our children’s lives and all in all, are fantastic grandparents. However, there are several times when my mom undermines my authority.
I will tell my kids “no” and mom will say “It’s fine, let them do it.”
My mom knows that we will not allow Arya to have a cell phone until she is at least 12 yo for various reasons.
About a year ago, my mom gave Arya an old cell phone of hers to play with. I didn’t like it, but I conceded and said “No internet.” I found out my mom had given Arya internet.
I said I didn’t like it. I told Arya she wasn’t allowed to have internet at home but she could still play on the phone. Arya connected the phone to the internet using the WiFi password I have in a frame in the guest bedroom – my mistake.
Arya spent her time on the phone watching YouTube (not allowed activity). I explained it was a warning one and she wasn’t allowed on it and to get off. I caught her a third time and I took away the phone indefinitely.
My mom knew I wasn’t happy that she started this whole thing, but I let it go because Arya was the one who made the series of bad choices. A sign she wasn’t ready for a phone.
I had radio silence from my mom for 24 hrs. I called her calmly and said that I would like to hear what happened from my mom’s point of view. She got defensive. She explained what she told my daughter to do with the situation and said they had a talk with her about how it was wrong.
Never once told her to talk to me. I told her I understood why she didn’t give me a heads up but that I expected her to at least tell her to come to us and accept responsibility, not hide it and continue to lie about it.
We went back and forth about it until finally my mom said “It’s just a darn phone” and that’s when I lost my temper. I reminded her that I didn’t want Arya to have the phone in the first place.
I told her she was teaching Arya that it’s okay to lie to me and she doesn’t have to listen to me, “because you don’t either and that’s why I’m angry” and I hung up.
I’ve heard nothing from her since.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not just a phone, she’s challenging your authority and role as a parent figure and disrespecting you in front of your daughter. She’s also teaching your daughter to disrespect you.
She’s crossing the line and needs to back off.” EmperorKittyMeowMeow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That said, YWBTJ if you continue allowing your mother to overstep boundaries, resulting in your daughter overstepping boundaries by following her lead – without doing something about it.
Either you choose to make some hard limits (with consequences) for your mother, or you have to accept that your decisions can be vetoed by your mother, and whatever consequence that brings for the wellbeing of your daughter.
Your daughter is learning to defy, lie, hide things, and rely on someone else to set boundaries for her. You cannot simultaneously allow your mother to teach your daughter to defy you and also complain she is teaching your daughter to defy you.
Act now, or concede you are no longer the primary parent.” savinathewhite
1. AITJ For Not Hiring My Friend Who Helped Me Get A Job Years Ago?
“This happened a long time ago but still bothers me. About 10 years ago I was looking for a new job, and my best friend offered to introduce me to his Director at the company he worked at, as they were hiring.
I interviewed, got the job, and ended up working there for 3 years. During those 3 years, I worked hard and was promoted a couple of times and eventually left for a manager position at a new company.
Shortly after that, my best friend got fired from his job for submitting some personal expenses for reimbursement, and he asked if I could hire him on my team as I had openings that matched his skill set and experience.
However, my very intelligent friend is also somewhat eccentric. He often would say and do things that are inappropriate at work. His work was generally fine, not outstanding, just ok, but he enjoyed being the contrarian and the center of attention, oftentimes in a cringy way.
Also, given that we were best friends since childhood we tended to joke around a lot and he would generally bring out an immature side of me that I did not like, especially at work.
So when he asked if I could hire him, I was very anxious about the idea of him reporting to me and whether he would take me seriously as a manager or continue acting unprofessionally and being provocative for the sake of attention.
But initially, I went along with it and asked him to send me his resume, which he did. However, it was a very bad resume, filled with spelling errors, and poor grammar and it was obvious he did not put a lot of effort into it.
I marked up all the errors and sent it back to him to correct, and I think he was kind of annoyed by this, and sent it back to me with only half the corrections done.
At this point, I called him and told him that I could not hire him, because I did not think it would be good for me to be his direct manager given our friendship and the fact that had been fired from his previous role and that he refused to acknowledge that he made a mistake on the expense reimbursement (he unsuccessfully tried to sue his past employer for wrongful termination and refused to acknowledge that he violated a pretty black and white policy).
This is what I told him, but in reality, I was worried that his eccentricity would make me look bad, and if he did not take me seriously as a manager, it would set the wrong example for the rest of my team.
Also, I was annoyed that he would not put in the effort to make a good and professional resume.
Needless to say, he was very hurt by this, and our friendship ended as a result of this. I ran into him on a couple of occasions over the years, and have reached out multiple times, but even 10 years later he is still angry about it because he helped me get a job and I did not do the same for him.
I miss my friend very much and think about him often. I had hoped we would stay friends for life, and that our kids could grow up together, but we just were never able to reconcile. Was I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, a referral is more than enough. Then it’s on them to have a good application and interview but at least you moved them to the top of the pile. Don’t stick your neck out professionally if it feels like it’s gonna get chopped. I would’ve lied and told your boss if they were cool enough to cover for you.” KLove-D
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Per your information, he was not in the position to hire you – he gave you the chance to get your foot in the door. You still had to interview, which culminated in your hiring (a choice they didn’t regret, given your multiple promotions).
The equivalent opportunity that you could have given your friend was a foot in the door: apply and you know that someone will see the resume. I see this is from about ten years ago when the job market was a little different, but even if it wasn’t quite so bad as it is these days, it was still rife with applying online and never hearing back from places.
So, he sent his resume in – and you looked at it. The resume was unprofessional, and when coupled with why he was fired from his former job, those things alone make it easy to justify not hiring him.
Forget him being eccentric, if your team knew you knowingly hired someone who had been fired for fraudulently trying to expense personal receipts, your credibility would have been in the trash. The situations were not equal and your friend who had no questions asked gave you a $10 bill, and was asking you to hand over a signed blank cheque for him to fill in.
Accept that the friendship is over. He doesn’t see his actions in the same light as you do (or his job, or other people do) and it’s an inherent mismatch. He’ll never accept personal responsibility and accept you had every reason not to hire him.
It’s never going to be “his fault.” Dramatic_Attempt4318
Another User Comments:
“In the future just say that you talked to your boss about your relationship and the boss said, “Since you’re family it’s not a good idea to have him report to you, but since he has the skill set and you vouch for him, you should send him to team XYZ.” This way you can return the favor to your friend, and also avoid the awkwardness of having him as a direct report.
A little bit YTJ, since he is your closest friend and you did owe him a job. Also, kind of NTJ, since this guy did get fired for stealing… Personally, the best way to get ahead in any industry is monkey barring, so no job should ever be that important.” -a-random-test-user-
