People Sort Out Their Issues In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Not Wanting My Granddad's Partner At My Graduation?
“I (22f) graduate college in May. I am the oldest in my generation so I am going to be the first one to graduate and it’s a big deal for my family. My granddad (GD) and I have always been super close. In high school, I would come to his house every other day and eat dinner with him and my grandmother.
My grandmother passed a couple of years ago and it broke me, I still cry about it every time I drive back to my hometown. When she passed my GD was a mess. Eventually, his high school sweetheart messaged him on social media and wanted to reconnect after her husband had died. GD was super scared to tell me because of how close I was to my grandmother.
I told him as long as she makes him happy and keeps him young, I support it. Fast forward a bit and she’s been really good for him. Eventually, I met her.
There wasn’t anything wrong with her, she was just kinda there.
So here’s where the problem starts GD flew out to Florida yesterday to go stay with her for a few months and is flying back to Texas for my graduation and she’s coming with him (they split time between Florida and Texas). I have a large family, 13 people in total, so that left me with two tickets which was perfect.
The two tickets were for my best friend and my partner, who I had invited months ago, so all of the most important people in my life would be there. Later I called GD to wish him happy birthday and we started talking about my graduation and how excited everyone was for me when he said “yep me and GF will be there”.
I just said “ Is that so?” because I didn’t want him to know I was upset.
The conversation ended pretty soon after that. I called my mom and asked her if she knew about that and she said she had just found out the day before.
GD had just assumed GF was invited and didn’t ask anyone before he told her she was coming. I’m super upset because we have only met once and didn’t talk much past small talk and she is taking a ticket meant for someone close to me I’m so annoyed that no one asked me if she could come to MY college graduation.
My mom brought up the fact that we can’t just leave her alone at the hotel in a place she’s never been to but I feel like that’s not my problem or something I should feel bad about because I didn’t invite her.
So would I be the jerk for telling my granddad his significant other can’t come to my graduation?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, explain to your GD you would have been happy to have her in the ceremony, but you don’t have extra tickets (that is true), everything has been distributed (that is also true), and you feel bad it will be weird for her to wait at the party place for the rest of the family to join.
It is a bit weird you didn’t think of your GD partner since you know she will be traveling back with him, but not to a jerkish level, just something that slipped your mind maybe. But she is sharing his life now, so if you repeat this in the future it will send the message that you don’t think his partner is part of the family.” atealein
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk but it’s just kind of an unfortunate situation, and it doesn’t seem like anyone was a jerk leading up to this. But now, your grandpa is excited to watch you graduate with his partner. He’s proud of you and wants to share that with her.
Maybe your best friend or partner can watch over the livestream, and then party together later. Your grandpa and his partner probably aren’t going to be as interested in the bar crawl, and the ceremony is gonna be the least interesting part of the whole thing to at least someone who was planning to show up.” LongNefariousness396
Another User Comments:
“You don’t have to tell your grandfather directly that they cannot come but you can tell him that you only have a limited number of tickets. These are for people who are close to you specifically for your partner and best friend.
Doesn’t he want you to be able to celebrate with them? Remind him that this is your celebration and hope he can understand that. You are right, what she does with her time there is not your problem.” Head-Meaning2741
20. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Friend's Brother Stay At My House?
“I (29F) have a best friend (27f). We’ll call her Sam.
Sam and I have been close since we started working together 4 years ago. We no longer work together but we have remained good friends. Near the end of 2021, I find out I am pregnant, and 6 weeks later Sam finds out she is also pregnant! We got to spend our pregnancies close and when I went back to work, Sam decided she did not want to return to work and I paid Sam to also watch my child during the day.
It worked well for both of us because she thought she would be living off her husband’s income, but instead, I paid her 250 a week. And my kiddo didn’t have to go to daycare and was with a friend.
It is important to note that Sam’s family lives out of state and a pretty decent distance away.
They get to visit for a few weeks to a month a couple of times a year. I met Sam’s mother once at Sam’s baby shower, but other than that we haven’t had any real contact. Fast forward to now, my kiddo is 3 and started preschool as she is very social and it was time!
Sam has started to go back to school, and everyone is happy.
Sam calls me today and tells me her family is traveling next month to see her! Sam’s parents have decided to bring Sam’s sister (Fran, 25) and brother (Mike, 23) with them for this visit.
Sam then asks me if Mike can stay with me. I live 30 minutes from Sam, so I’m not a “convenient” choice. She tells me they will be up for EIGHT days. I live in a condo and don’t have much space. The bottom level is a kitchen and a living room and the upstairs is the bathroom and two bedrooms. Mike would have to stay in the living room, on the couch in the middle of the house.
On top of that, I have a 3-year-old and I don’t feel comfortable having a grown man I’ve never met in my house with my young girl. I tell Sam this and she gets annoyed and says, “Well he’s never been to this state, and he has a lot of stuff he wants to do.
So, he won’t be there much. He’ll just be coming and going.” That didn’t make it sound like a better situation to me.
My house isn’t a place where someone I don’t know can just come and go. But Sam is really upset with me that I said no. Her mother even messaged me on Instagram asking me why it was a problem.
I don’t feel as if I am wrong here, but maybe I’m overreacting and this is a normal favor? So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sam, on the other hand, is a jerk. Just because you’re super close friends, you don’t make such a huge ask.
I wouldn’t even dream of asking my best friend to put up my brother. It’s one thing to ask and accept a no, but that’s not the case here either. She’s upset and brought her mom into this. She isn’t entitled to your home. Also, they’re grown adults so they can pay for an Airbnb together or something.
Not your problem. Too bad Sam has blurred this friendship so much that she felt so comfortable making this ask. ” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “I am not situated to host overnight houseguests. I hope your family has a lovely trip.” *This is all you have to say.* You do not have a guest bedroom.
You are not equipped to host someone in your living space. **The End.** You don’t even have a *guest room* to put someone in. They would be right out there in your living space. An unequivocal NTJ on this one, OP. Your friend’s family may have different norms in regards to houseguests but in my experience (spanning beyond just my family) this would be a massive imposition.” Dramatic_Attempt4318
19. AITJ For Telling My Mother I Hate Her After She Took My Room?
“I am 14f and I have a brother who is 11m and my mother is 31f.
Right now I am in my grandparent’s house writing this safely avoiding my mother. So from when I was about 2yold my mom and dad would constantly fight to the point one time I was told to lock myself and my brother in the bathroom because my mom and her partner at the time were trying to break in and take us away from my dad.
My mom was a substance user, she would beg my dad to have a place to sleep because she was sleeping in a tent. My dad would foolishly take her in every time. Then when she got better she would leave to her “partner” This happened constantly.
She would steal funds and hurt my dad so much that he started drinking a lot despite dealing with two kids and working and drinking. My dad would be exhausted by the time he got home. I felt miserable for my dad but it wasn’t bad until I got older when he stopped caring for his kids.
I was walking to my brother’s school every day morning and after, cleaning and cooking for both of them. I was the new mother and I felt so much pressure, especially with school getting harder getting no help, and having no time for homework. I was failing year by year.
One day I got home from a stressful day of school, I found my mother moving all my belongings into the attic (which was a small room).
I asked what on earth she was doing and my dad came and said that she had made my room her personal alone room.
I was angered, I told her she had my dad’s Room for that. She said that I didn’t deserve a big room like that and that she did since she was my mother. I snapped back and said from the moment she left us she messed up our life for substances and a homeless life that she is not a mother and that she is a horrible person who needs to get her stuff together.
She started crying that she didn’t want this life and I told her if you didn’t want it then why did u leave huh no because you are selfish and I hate you for how u have treated us all our life and that she didn’t deserve to be a mother.
After that I backed up my things and so did my brother and we called our grandparents and since then we have been living a happy life here. My dad has been calling me to say that I am being a horrible person. My other family members are saying I was too hard on her and that she is trying better but I don’t think I want to see her again.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I was raised in a similar situation. You were harsh but you are not a jerk. You and your brother have been through a lot because of your mother, and your father too. Your mother makes decisions time and again that harm you.
Your father is enabling her and lashing back at you when you express your hurt and anger over violations of your personal space. That’s not fair to you. I hope good things for you, OP. I am sorry they are letting you down.” petit_macaron_chat
Another User Comments:
“She’s trying to do better . . . by moving you into the attic so she can have a “personal alone room” (whatever that is; a place to consume substances, I guess?) and telling you that you don’t deserve your bedroom? Yeah, no. That’s not trying to do better.
That’s not even pretending to try to do better. Your dad might want to waste his life accommodating her every whim, but that doesn’t mean he needs to drag you along with him. Your dad and the people supporting her are something called enablers.
They are enabling her to continue her behavior/addiction. She will never get better surrounded by people like that, but that’s not your problem. Your bio-parents are in a very toxic, cyclical relationship. You and your brother should stay out of it. If your dad is delulu enough to think anything is going to be different this time then he’s stuck in la-la land and isn’t mentally stable enough to be near you.
Stay with your grandparents. Block your so-called “parents” and anyone telling you you’re in the wrong. You’re not. NTJ. Oh and get some therapy when you can. You’re going to have a lot to unpack.” MonOubliette
Another User Comments:
“This is a horrible set of circumstances and I am sorry you have lived with this.
Your feelings are completely understandable and there is no way your family/mother can just expect you to sympathize. She needs to change drastically and even then you do not owe her your forgiveness or sympathy. NTJ. I hope your situation continues to improve” sswishbone
18. AITJ For Making My Dad Cry After He Ignored My Needs But Catered To His Partner's Son?
“I (14f) accidentally made my dad (44m) cry today, and now I feel horrible. For context, I’ve lived with my dad for about 8 years. We used to have an amazing relationship. However, 3 years ago he moved his partner (Y) in and it all went downhill.
She was awful to me, always commenting on my face and weight, and caused me to get diagnosed with depression at the young age of 11. I went from the smiley, always-talking kid to always being shut in my room. I was scared to go downstairs because I knew she or her kids would just dog on me until I was in my room again.
All of this caused me and my dad to severely drift apart. Over the past three years, he has started constantly ignoring me and always favors Y and her kids over me.
Anyway, today he took me, my sister, Y, and her son (B) out to eat.
He always treats the son like the child he always wanted, and treats me like I’m a burden. After we ate, Y went out with her friends so the rest of us went to the mall. I wanted to buy a shirt for an event I am going to, which is huge for me because I never leave my room.
My dad kept pretending to not hear me ask and even shoved me away from him so he could talk to B. I ended up taking my sister and us walking around by ourselves. I bumped into my dad and he had bought many things from an expensive store for B.
I asked him if I could get my shirt again, and he got so annoyed and walked past me. So you could imagine I wasn’t walking around with a smile on my face. He took my headphones away, but still wouldn’t talk to me, causing me to get even angrier.
Now, when we got home, he finally noticed how upset I was. He asked what was wrong, but I said nothing. In the past anytime I tried to tell him that he or Y was hurting me, he would flip out and shut me out.
He kept pushing and pushing but I still said nothing. He went into a huge speech about “I’m sorry that you’re unhappy with life” “I wish I could make you feel better” and “You always seem angry” and I thought he was genuinely apologetic.
But he ended it with “I hope you realize that what you’re doing isn’t ok”. So he asked once more what was wrong, and again I stayed silent. He got upset and started crying and sent me to my room. I was so mad that he got B everything he wanted but wouldn’t get me the one thing I wanted. It sounds bratty but he hasn’t bought me new clothes in like two years.
But he doesn’t cry often, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, can you show your dad this post? Are you able to ever communicate your feelings like this to him openly and will he listen? Have you been to therapy for your depression and have you ever tried to have him join one of your sessions?
I don’t understand why he was crying. It doesn’t matter how much the shirt was, it’s the principle of how he treats all of you differently. Do you have a family you can stay with? You shouldn’t have to hide in your room in your home to avoid bullying from your stepmom and step-siblings.” Impossible-Tutor-799
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father is a jerk and should treat you better. You shouldn’t feel bad for making him cry, but you should tell him why you are like that. I would suggest waiting for more comments in this post, trying to be alone with your father, calmly talking with him, and showing him your post and the comments.” HilMickaelson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your father knows he’s neglecting you and is gaslighting you to make you feel like you’re the one who’s crazy, it’s a classic deflection technique to take all the blame and responsibility off him by placing it back on you.
You’re at the age where courts will typically let you decide where you want to live, I would suggest writing a letter to your dad about how you not only feel but how he makes you feel, list examples of all the times he’s failed you as a parent.
Let him know how your relationship is dependent on him putting in the effort, that if he’s not going to try, then neither are you.” cgm824
17. AITJ For Resenting My Mom After Being Forced To Help Raise My Newborn Sibling?
“My partner (26M) & I (25, F) moved back into our parents’ house in the fall of 2021. Around this time, my mom told me & my brother (19,m) she was getting married to David. About a year or so into their marriage, our mom started to hint at a new sibling.
So you could imagine our surprise when our 40-year-old mother who never wanted to marry or have a third child, tells us she’s indeed pregnant. My first thought was “Isn’t this a bit soon?” We were happy for her but we didn’t want a new sibling.
Fast forward to when the baby was born, they were getting divorced. He had taken the funds they both saved for my mom’s maternity leave. So my mother couldn’t even enjoy her pregnancy & had to go back to work earlier than planned. This is where the problem comes in.
David is basically nonexistent now. My mother is a nurse, working 8-12 hour night shifts, picking up whenever she can. While I’m a full-time student & PT Operations Specialist. I started to work fewer hours to help her out with the baby. Since my brother had little experience w/ newborns.
Left me to care for him when she wasn’t home with him.
This continued for a year BUT now I feel guilty & have this growing resentment toward my mom for it. She depends on me to help her with everything. It got to a point where she would tell me not to pick up shifts so I could watch the baby more while she worked or if she wanted to go to work early for extra funds.
Mind you, my brother is capable of helping at this point but doesn’t unless I’m not available. I never minded helping her & I’m the only person she can rely on for help.
She praises me for being so helpful, but as soon as I complain about how I think it’s unfair that my life had to completely change & revolve around a baby that’s not mine, while my brother got to just lock his door, make messes, video games all night and sleep in til 5 pm, suddenly it’s “why is everything an argument with you, Why can’t you just say okay mom”.
It’s like a slap in the face & makes me not want to help her. When it’s kept me from working, no sleep, less studying, or things that make me happy. I have also been diagnosed with Severe General anxiety and ADHD, so taking care of the baby is very difficult for me, paired with the stress of trying to get a master’s in psychology and the pressure to move out.
My partner has been more involved after noticing an increase in my stress level. Recently she started talking badly about him saying “he’s a guy with nothing going for himself, I don’t know why you waste your time”. Yet he goes out of his way to do things like buying food for the house, gas in my mom’s car for her, groceries, fixing things around the house, and fixing her car.
All without being asked or paid for his services. So her saying that about him infuriated me. Now I have been purposely pointing out her hypocrisy, putting my needs first & refusing to do anything that will not benefit me. This whole situation has made me NOT want kids in the future.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But where oh where is the father in all of this? He should be paying your mom child support that very well could or should cover child care for the baby. Your Mom should go back to family court to see if she can get a support modification to address this.
At the very least besides normal child support, David should be stepping up to care for his kid.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“Tell your mom she needs to find daycare for the baby it’s not your job to raise it. Don’t set your dreams aside, it’s your mom’s problem not yours stop babysitting.
She needs to take him to court and get child support. Get out as soon as you can you have your whole life ahead of you. Life’s too short” jaggedlittlepill1967
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom has a new baby with a deadbeat dad and wants you to raise her kid for her.
She knows that your bf notices and she’s talking bad about him because she doesn’t want you to move out with him and then need to be a single parent and do everything on her own. At this point, you should probably decide whether you are going to continue to put your life on hold to parent your sibling or if you have options available to move out.
I can’t blame your brother for refusing to do anything for the baby, as it is your mom’s responsibility to figure out what she’s going to do.” moew4974
16. AITJ For Grounding My Daughter Longer Than My Son After She Mocked His Bilingual Presentation?
“My husband (M31) and I (F31) have 5 kids together, our firstborns are our 11-year-old twins, Raelynn (F11) and Briton (M11).
Raelynn and Briton are in the same class at our local elementary school and are in 5th grade. One of the homework assignments for the 5th graders is reading logs.
They read any book of their choosing and then once every few weeks, they’re given worksheets asking for summaries, plot, etc if it’s fiction and facts they’ve read if it’s non-fiction. They also present the book to the class.
Briton’s best friend, Adalbertas (M11) is also in their class, Adalbertas was born here in the States but his parents are from Lithuania.
The boys met when they were 2 at a basketball program, no one in our family was athletic until we had Briton, he loved sports, and when he was 2 started asking us if he could do basketball. Adalbertas’s parents made him play basketball starting at 2, and then the boys met in the program.
Ever since, they’ve been best friends, rarely apart.
Adalbertas speaks both English and Lithuanian at home, and shortly after they became friends, Briton was interested in learning it so he could speak to the family. We showed him some videos and got some dictionaries online, and he became fluent over the years, he now speaks it fluently and the boys will have conversations in it, especially when they’re saying stuff they don’t want adults to understand.
For the latest reading log assignment, both boys started reading an autobiography of a Lithuanian basketball player, in Lithuanian.
Yesterday, I got a phone call from their teacher. The boys asked their teacher if when doing the presentation, one could speak in Lithuanian and the other could translate into English, and she agreed to let them do that.
Briton was presenting the book in Lithuanian and Adalbertas translated. Their teacher said it went well and most students were impressed. The exception was Raelynn, who started making remarks telling them to “stop speaking funny” when they were presenting and was speaking in gibberish to mock them.
Later on the day, she was talking about the “yucky” dishes that Briton and Adalbertas will eat. Adalbertas’s parents have shared some of their Lithuanian recipes with us and we frequently make them for the boys. Briton and she got into a pretty big argument after this, yelling at each other, and then the teacher had to send both of our kids to the office.
When the kids got home, we talked to them, and after our talk, decided that Raelynn would be grounded for a week, Briton was grounded for 2 days.
Raelynn has said we are being unfair because we grounded her for longer. Briton got grounded right before Christmas break for 2 days when he and Adalbertas tried teaching the class Lithuanian cuss words.
We told Raelynn her bigotry was worse than cursing, but she’s just saying that this proves he is our favorite, which she’s never accused of before. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A week wasn’t long enough. I’m guessing she is jealous of her brother’s friendship and annoyed that they can have conversations she doesn’t understand… Btw, I love that your son learned a whole other language so he could hang out with his friend’s family – he sounds awesome…” alien_overlord_1001
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because this isn’t addressing the real issue which is feeling left out and lashing out because of it. She’s 11! This is a teaching moment about recognizing feelings and not lashing out and being mean. A better consequence would be an essay on her feelings that her twin has someone that he is connected to who isn’t her, and then an essay on how making fun of different cultures is mean and hurts people’s feelings.
How do you teach her a lesson in understanding her feelings and knowing it isn’t okay to hurt other people because she’s hurting by being grounded? How do you teach her that it’s hurtful to make fun of people’s culture just because it’s different by grounding her?” MessyDragon75
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It doesn’t sound like your 11-year-old is a genuine bigot. It sounds like she is simply insecure that their twin has formed such a close bond with another kid. Like she feels jealous and is lashing out at what makes Adalbertas special/unique compared to her.
Still, you are teaching her a good lesson about not mocking other cultures.” Impossible_Rain_4727
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m jealous of the opportunity Briton is receiving! I have Lithuanian heritage on my father’s side, but I have no real connection to that part of my ethnic heritage.
I have more connection to my Polish heritage on both sides. Your son is being given a true gift!” midnightsrose77
15. AITJ For Wanting To Delete The Life360 App My Parents Use To Track Me?
“I (19F) will be 20 within the next six months. I go to college in a city that is not where I’m from. I’m a junior due to credit hour technicalities, so I’m a bit ahead. I have my job and buy all of my things, and I stay away from home for more than one night a week because my family will be mad if I don’t come visit at least once a week.
They are very big on loyalty. The only thing that I do not own is my car, my parents own that. I will hopefully be buying my own soon, as anything that does not belong to me always ends up being held over me so I have to do what they want.
As I mentioned earlier, my parents are very strict. When I was in high school, I was often not allowed to hang out with friends except very rarely. After I graduated, my parents put Life360 on my phone. Honestly, I was originally okay with this because they said that it would only be used in case of emergencies.
That was a lie. They track me and my siblings on it all the time, and I have proof of this. There have been times when one of my parents has shown up where I was. There have also been times when they have called me pretending to see how I was doing, but I know they only did it because I was out and about and they wanted to know what I was doing and who I was with.
They never call me when I am at home, only when I’ve gone out.
I have never done anything to warrant this level of distrust. I was always a good kid and I never did anything bad. Now, I do have a secret partner. We started seeing each other a little while ago and I did not want to tell my parents because although I am quite literally almost 20, they would try and ground me for staying at my partner’s house or for hanging out with him.
He’s a good guy too, they would just automatically hate that I have a partner. That is the only secret I have ever kept from them.
Now, onto the question… WIBTJ for deleting Life360? I feel that I am old enough and support myself enough to not have to worry about being interrogated about where I am and what I’m doing all the time.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s easier to just buy a burner phone and leave this one at home when you don’t want to be tracked. Once your car situation is straightened out and they can’t hold that over you, go ahead and delete the app or stop sharing your location with them.” OkeyDokey654
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s only okay when everyone’s on board with it. Now that you’re an adult, this is a situation where if even one person involved in the situation says ‘no’, they don’t do it. I have Life 360 on my phone because my mom worries, especially when she’s out of town.
At the same time, she doesn’t say who I can hang out with or what I can do unless she’s got some concerns, and even then, it’s more about making sure that I know what to do if I don’t feel safe wherever I go.” Efficient_Wheel_6333
14. AITJ For Upgrading From A Prius To A Mustang Against My Dad's Wishes?
“I (24M) graduated college last year and moved into my career field recently. I’m making a comfortable living and, being single with no children, have enough disposable income that I decided to go through the process of ordering a new car from the factory with the exact specifications and options that I wanted. Since I’m very tall (6’8’’) I had to sit in several different vehicles at different dealerships before I found one that fit me and had all of the features I wanted (wireless CarPlay, cooled seats, etc).
Oddly enough it ended up being a new 2024 Mustang that checked off all the boxes, and I took delivery of my new car a few days ago. I’m thrilled with everything about the car; the looks, sounds, and overall driving experience are a welcomed change from my previous vehicle.
Until this point, I’ve been driving a Toyota Prius, which my parents “gave” to me in high school after my mom previously drove it for about a year. I put “gave” in quotations because when I asked my parents if they wanted the car back, or if they wanted me to trade it in for my new car, they ultimately decided to take the car back.
I was fine with this as I could comfortably make a down payment on the new car without needing the trade-in value added. My dad seemed upset that I was getting a different vehicle, acting like I had spit in the face of his “gift”.
He did everything he could to try and convince me to keep the Prius, stating that there was “No way I would fit in a sports car”. I thought this was hilarious and pointed out the obvious irony that he was the one who put his 6’8’’ son in the driver’s seat of a tiny Japanese economy car.
I’ve received my share of friendly teasing from friends and family for *years* about my “clown car”. For the first time I admitted to him that I felt like the car was unsafe for someone my size, and my head touched the roof and I would likely break my neck if I rolled the car (which was not the case for the Mustang).
Leading up to the delivery of my Mustang my dad got increasingly upset despite my best effort. I pointed out that the Prius has been a reliable vehicle for me, but it’s getting quite old at this point and I simply want something more modern and fun to drive.
My dad said that I “should consider myself lucky to have anything with four wheels” and that I was acting ungrateful by “criticizing” the Prius. Admittedly the Prius still runs and drives fine, but I don’t see the harm in getting something that I like more when I can comfortably afford it.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Maybe your dad has watched one too many compilations of Mustangs leaving Cars & Coffee. Bad old joke aside, does your dad have a dislike for sports cars? He wouldn’t be the first person I’ve come across who thinks only jerks and speeders buy them.
You’re doing nothing wrong with getting yourself a car. I knew a 6’8″ guy who took the rear seats out of his old 280z 2+2 and relocated the driver seat back there. It’s not easy to find something comfortable at that height, so I’m glad you found something you like.
Enjoy!” DragonCelica
Another User Comments:
“NTJ There is nothing ungrateful about saving for your car. One that fits your body. Giving your parents the option of having it back is incredibly generous. Perhaps next time your dad calls you ungrateful, you can withdraw the offer and be grateful for the trade-in value you’ll get?” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ There’s nothing taboo or socially unacceptable about wanting to buy a new version of something someone gave you. And what an odd take “should consider yourself lucky to have anything with four wheels” is. That’s something you say to someone who’s complaining about what was given to them when they have no means to get anything better for themselves.
It’s not something you say to someone who does have the means and is exercising those means. I’m sure you were grateful to have the Prius when it was all you had.” Born-Eggplant8313
13. AITJ For Making My Own Meals Due To My Health Issues?
“I, F16, live with my parents, F56, M41 and brother, M18.
I have a lot of health problems, like a lot.
I have three autoimmune diseases, including celiac, and because of the severity of my other two autoimmune diseases, my doctors have me on a strict diet to try and keep my immune system under wraps.
My parents are very old school, they think my diseases aren’t as bad as they are, and they are of the mindset that if I don’t want to (or can’t) eat what they’re making, then I’m just going to have to******* up, or not hear anything at all.
One thing that is important to note is that academically, I’m smarter than my more street-smart brother. This has led to my brother being coddled by my parents because they don’t want me saying something about school or grades that would make him feel bad.
They also don’t want him to feel left out, or less cared about because I get higher marks. Because of this, they always make their favorite foods. This is not my brothers’ fault in any way, I’m just trying to give full context as to why they make the food that they do.
I’m also indo-latino, and if you’re brown of any kind, you know sons get favored.
I’ve been putting up with having to eat dinners that I’m not supposed to eat for a long time, to the point where my test results were getting worse. I was always feeling sick, so, I’ve started having 2 dinners, one in the late afternoon around 4:30, which I make myself, and one my mom made later.
I usually make something like a tofu dish, Mac and cheese, roasted vegetables, and dressing, sometimes a simple curry. Food which is gluten-free, and does not have anything I’m allergic to, or being told not to eat by my doctor.
Then, around 6:30, I’ll eat a small amount of the dinner my parents make.
Even if it has something I’m not supposed to be eating or am mildly allergic to (I’ll break out into hives, but no worse than that), I’ll still eat it. I’m not a picky eater at all, so it’s more about food I can’t eat.
I’ve been keeping to this routine for the past few months, and my parents have just started noticing and called me out on it.
They went on about how hard my mother and father work to make food for us, and how they both spend time looking for recipes don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that they do that, as well as all the other things that they do.
But my mother has accidentally fed me gluten on more than one occasion, ending with me in the hospital hooked up to a bunch of wires.
I know I’m young, and I may not be seeing the full picture, so I just want other people’s opinions on the matter.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in any sense of the word. You have severe issues that are exacerbated by the food you eat, and your parents aren’t seeing past their noses on that. If you see a doctor regularly (neurologist or whatnot), I’d call their office to see if your doctor can maybe speak on your behalf at your next visit to stress to them the importance of a structured diet for you.
I hope things get better for you with them!” MissBehaved3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have IBS-D, and while I don’t have the plethora of issues you do, it’s still a pain and painful! Due to this, I am not very adventurous with food. If I go to another country where we are not in an all-inclusive, I make sure and find the Hard Rock Cafe, McDonald’s, Chili’s, etc. because I KNOW they have food items that won’t make me sick.
Drives my family nuts!” 74Magick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is hard to manage with inflexible parents. You’re doing very well eating food that you know will make you sick, even in small amounts. But in the long run, I am worried that is going to impact your relationship with all food.
Stick to your plans, and be polite but firm about not wanting to feel sick anymore. Maybe try to find safe versions of the food your brother likes, the internet is amazing at suggesting substitute ingredients. But also cook your own if you have to.” wadjemup
12. AITJ For Reporting Colleagues Who Stole Company Info?
“I 24(F) work in a field that men are so dominant in, and I am the only female worker at my company who is not related to them (they all come from the same region and they know each other). I got hired there based on my experience and qualifications so I beat up a lot of men the director is such a nice person and he is so understanding.
I work directly with 6 other men plus my boss, my colleagues are all young men and all married and not my type at all, we don’t chat or stuff like that we keep it professional because they see me as a very open-minded person because I am a female older than their wives.
So a few days ago my colleague, let’s call him A, brought his childhood friend to work with us. He pushed him and took other people’s place to make him work with us (I don’t care) it wasn’t a problem till they started implying that I should quit that this is a man’s job and that I don’t fit in, I overheard them so many times so I talk with K and he said they are jealous because the supervisors trust me with some critical info and not them he just said if Ignore them.
Next week we have a very important business trip to finish up an agreement we worked so hard on and everything is confidential because we can’t risk the information going out, so everything is on my laptop and with passwords, A has my password because he sends emails a lot from my laptop which is fine, but the last couple of days I noticed that my files were missing a part and that documents were sent from the company’s email to A’s email and his friend’s.
I checked the security camera in my office and A’s friend used my laptop without my permission I assumed he sent them so I confronted him he said he didn’t even get to my office so I talked with the manager and showed him the footage when they started checking more they noticed that the same time emails of the new agreement were sent to others and the information was leaked… they went more in-depth and he was even stealing funds from the company so he got fired (A and his friend) they were gonna use the idea as their own and I accidentally ruined the plan.
K told me today to watch out because they are so angry with me and that he already notified the boss because they believe I did it on purpose. Am I the jerk for telling on them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, They were stealing corporate information… and funds….
and are mad they got caught. They were rightly fired and absolutely any business would do the same. By finding out and not telling your boss you might have also put yourself in trouble legally. However, this should be a stern lesson in NOT giving ANYONE access to your passwords and work laptop even if it makes life easier.
Set up a share, and email it to them so there is a trail. They did that so YOU would take the fall, you are lucky they got caught on camera after you noticed otherwise this could have taken a drastic turn.” PandaLand447
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Not the jerk for reporting them, what they for was a crime, and your company could have brought charges against them. It’s also illegal for your peers to retaliate against you, so keep that in mind if you start getting ostracized because of the incident.
Moving forward, never share your laptop password with someone else. There is absolutely no scenario anyone else at work should have access to your credentials. Logging into your laptop they could have done a lot worse to you than deleting some files.” PJfanRI
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for informing your boss that someone is stealing information from them. Even more so, as they are doing it from your computer, and when the leak would have been discovered, it would have been you on the dock, likely with no footage to support your argument and with a stained record to approach a new employer.
There is a lesson to be learned though. Never, under any circumstances, you let someone else use your computer. There are potential criminal implications that can affect your future life and it is not acceptable in any work environment I’m familiar with. If you are instructed to let someone use it, log in and let them use their own account/ guest account.” Traditional_Tea_1879
11. AITJ For Telling My Friend His Partner Accused Me Of Flirting With Him?
“I (F28) have a friend (M28) I will call him Mack, we are both from England and met in primary school but in high school I had to move to Scotland because of this, I only get to see him once every 2 or 3 years.
This week, I have been visiting all of my friends in England, including Mack. I visited his flat which he shares with his partner Amy. The problems started when I was helping his partner cook dinner. I tried to make some small talk, but she wasn’t interested. I assumed she was just an introvert and left it at that.
Whilst we were eating dinner and Mack was talking about how Shadow and bone were canceled, I asked his partner if she had ever seen it. She said that it seemed like a dumb show. This shocked me a little, and I think my friend was shocked too.
I changed the subject, but every time I tried to include Amy, she would always give one-word answers or be rude. The same happened when Mack tried to include her, too.
Eventually, I left and went back to my hotel. The next day, I woke up to a social media text from Amy saying that I was a jerk and was trying to steal her man.
I was very confused and asked her if I said something to imply that. She responded by saying that the way I was acting was very flirty to her partner, and I was being dismissive of her. I reminded her of what she said during the dinner and how she was dismissive to me and Mack, but she just started insulting me.
I blocked her, but later on in the day, one of her friends was messaging me saying the same thing. I was really confused about why she was going through the trouble of doing all of this. I ended up taking screenshots of everything and sending them to my friend.
He apologized and said that he would talk to her.
Later on, I got a message saying that I was a jerk and that they were now in a massive fight over it. I looked at the profile, and it was another one of her friends.
I blocked her and then set my account to private. After thinking about it for a while, I brought it up to one of my other friends (Cara), and she said I should have just ignored them from the start instead of telling Mack about it.
I feel bad because I know Mack likes this girl, and I don’t want to be the reason that they argue. But at the same time, I don’t want to be harassed when I feel like I did nothing wrong. But also, maybe I did, and I just don’t realize it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not your fault he’s seeing a woman with jealousy issues. You don’t have to put up with being harassed because of his choices. You aren’t the reason they argued, her harassment is. You tried your best to get to know her and include her and were rebuffed at every turn.
It’s up to Mack now to decide what he wants to do. Block all her friends that message you after you tell them to grow up and stop playing grammar school games.” SweeperOfChimneys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s one thing for Amy to be overly jealous; that could have been ignored and kept to yourself.
You did. But the harassment warranted to be shared. ESPECIALLY because Mack likes her. Given how easy it looks for her to harass you, I have a feeling she’s going to keep trying to scare away people in his life that she doesn’t like; Mack should know as soon as possible what kind of person he’s seeing.
Also, don’t feel bad for other people’s arguments, as a rule. This harassment proves that Amy is not a reasonable person; it should be no surprise that she handles interpersonal conflict very poorly. That’s on her. >I brought it up to one of my other friends and she said I should have just ignored them From the start Instead of telling Mack about it To me there would be a conflict if Mack showed some annoyance at you.
But so far, he doesn’t seem to. You showed him the messages and he didn’t think you were in the wrong. So, by that standard, I don’t think a third party trying to guilt trip you should have any weight.” ladyteruki
Another User Comments:
“Even with the update, it’s NTJ.
Her problem was with Mack, not you. She had no good reason to be rude to you like that, and even less reason to have her gaggle of friends harass you online. That’s where she stepped over the line, and it was extremely fair to show Mack those screenshots and ask him to get her to stop.” Old-Smokey-42069
10. AITJ For Telling My Recently Reconnected Dad His Relationship Is Unhealthy?
“A few years ago I met my dad for the first time. My mother had given me up for adoption, so he didn’t know about me until the magic of DNA tests connected us.
Since we connected, we have been building a relationship, with mutual visits and occasional phone calls. (We live on opposite sides of the country.)
He got divorced a few years ago and since then has been seeing “Liz”. Liz is significantly younger than he is and is an extrovert with a big personality.
She was widowed a few years ago and she and my dad (who had known each other for years) started seeing each other shortly thereafter.
My dad recently retired and bought a condo in Florida. He suggested coming to my house for Christmas and then the two of us road tripping across the country to his condo as a fun father-child bonding experience.
I agreed that it sounded fun, and so we spent late December and early January adventuring together.
In the course of our discussions, he told me that Liz had done several things which made me concerned for him. For instance, she decided she wanted him to move in with her, so she sent him to see one of his other children for a week and while he was gone she went to his house, gave away most of his possessions, and moved some of her friends into his house.
He was very upset, but she told him he was being irrational and needed to move on. When he decided to buy his condo in Florida, she told him that she would be in charge of decorating it, then proceeded to insist on choices of furniture and dishes which are deeply impractical for day-to-day use — for instance, insisting that the only dishes be his grandmother’s china set, none of which is dishwashable, and which contains so many place settings it filled the kitchen cupboards leaving almost no room for food.
Whenever he tries to assert his preferences or tastes or the need for practicality, she gets upset and gives him ultimatums.
Throughout the time we spent together, he talked through all of this with me and was upset by it.
I finally told him that it seemed like many of the dynamics in their relationship weren’t very healthy and that he needed to be willing to set boundaries that gave him some control over his own life and choices.
We subsequently purchased a few needed practical things for the condo without Liz’s blessing, about which she is now irate.
In my subsequent conversations with my father, it seems increasingly likely their relationship is going to end.
Liz told him I’m being the jerk because she’s known him longer than me (true) and she spends more time with him (also true) and that I’m just stirring up trouble I don’t have to face the consequences for.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Liz sounds toxic/abusive, your father is a grown adult who can make his own decisions, and you’re just the sounding board and not an active participant in causing a separation. She’s just cranky that someone has seen her for what she is.” Fearless_Spring5611
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s difficult when you’re an adult and your parent is in a relationship with someone toxic. My stepmom married my Dad when I was an adult and my youngest sibling was still a teenager, while she’s good for my Dad in many ways we also call her the nicest lady we’ve ever known because she’s completely phony.
She presents as this fun, carefree person but she has another side that is so mean and controlling, I’ve never seen her behave that way first hand but my Dad tells me all about it. She knows my Dad and I are close and she is on her best behavior when I’m around.
It doesn’t matter how long she’s known him or how much time they spend together, a toxic person is a toxic person and your Dad felt comfortable confiding in you which she resents. I’d say to keep offering your Dad your support, keep encouraging him to put boundaries in place, and keep being an empathetic ear as much as you can without getting involved. Hopefully, he’ll get tired of her and move on, a child is forever, a partner isn’t” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He confided in you and sounds like he asked for your advice Liz sounds like she’s VERY controlling and it’s probably in his best interests to end this relationship Just keep supporting him and make note of any interactions you have had with her….I get the feeling this break up won’t be a smooth one” ColdstreamCapple.
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Reconnect With My Abusive Mother Who's Now Ill?
“There are so many memories and specific examples (and trauma that came with them of course) that I have of memories of my mother being nasty to me, taking from me, making and breaking promises, gaslighting me, putting me down, laughing at me, spreading lies and gossip about me to make family members and friends look at me a certain way/wanting to make me an outcast, making me feel like I was her competition instead of her daughter, shaming me, growing up in absolute FILTH (mold in the sink!!!) because she didn’t clean the house so when I (at 8 years old) started becoming obsessed with cleaning the entire house and organizing my room she felt like, because she was the adult, she had every right to make a mess in the places I had just cleaned and leave it that way for me to clean it all up again and then give me the silent treatment when I (again, at 8 years old in the fourth grade) got upset and explained to her I had just cleaned the counter so why did she leave her mess on it, cornered me when she and my dad were getting a divorce and asked me who I’d rather live with (so I said my dad even though I barely knew him at that point but I knew he’d be stable mentally and financially) then got upset at me and me told me she was disowning me and from that point on I no longer had a mother and I didn’t deserve a mother who loved me.
So when I was about 15 she got a good amount of all my cousins on “her side” and made me (yes I was fifteen years old l**o) the “bad guy”. Then at about 18 she tried coming back into my life and my cousins tried to guilt trip me into caring for her and giving her money (I had just started working and had like $200 and no car) and when I refused to speak to her (because I was trying to get my life together and also w*f) it ended up tearing my family apart so the aunts/uncles/cousins on “her side” hated me and stopped talking to me.
Now I’m almost 30 and she’s sick in the hospital on a ventilator and my cousins are reaching out to me again.
Literally as of about a year ago I finally started to build my life and go to school, “graduate” from therapy, get off anxiety medication, become a personal trainer to help others feel good about themselves intrinsically, have a stable and healthy relationship, set healthy boundaries, and feel confident and focused about what I want for myself and the ones who have helped and supported me to get to this point, and started to think of having a family of my own.
AITJ for being annoyed and not wanting to even be bothered?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mother was dead to you a long time ago. Her being sick and nearing the end of her life changes nothing for you, because you already mourned her. You shouldn’t feel any guilt.
As for closure – only you can decide if you need it or not. I was in a similar situation with my father. I didn’t need closure so I never went to visit him in the hospital and didn’t go to his funeral. People were telling me I would regret it.
15 years have passed since then, and there is still no regret. And I’m pretty sure there never will be. Ignore all others and what they are telling you. You don’t owe her (and others) anything. Take a moment, if you need it, to think about how you feel and then do what you feel is right for you.” Allice81
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m LC with my narcissistic mother. She’s developed dementia and as she has done nothing to try to slow down the disease, the consensus is that she may not last a year. I have no interest in visiting her before she passes.
I’ve already mourned the Mom she could have been. Granted me living in Tasmania and she’s in Texas, makes that decision very easy.” Shazza_Mc_ShazzaFace
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Give yourself a bit of grace. It sounds like you’ve started rebuilding your life, keep going.
You can, on your terms, send her a message through the winds and tell her it’s time to go, releasing her from this awful life of hers. You don’t need to have a final scene with her in the hospital or talk to any cousins.
Unless she’s listed you as next of kin and given you full medical power of attorney, your bit with her is done. Once she is gone, nothing will have changed between you and your cousins. That’s just too much ground to try to cover.” User
8. AITJ For Ruining My Cousin's Wedding With My Uncle?
“This happened not too long ago and there’s a lot of emotion around it.
(All names changed) I’m 22, my cousin Carly got married to her husband Kyle, and only family was invited to the wedding, including my Great Uncle Frank, Frank for short. Just to give an idea of who Frank is, he was a hippy when being a hippy was new and certain substances were considered demonic.
I always loved Frank, when it came to hanging out he and I just always clicked. And I honestly trusted him, he was incredibly important to me.
Here’s where the problem comes in, the venue for the wedding was a large house in the mountains and we had all come down a day early to help prepare.
(We live in Colorado) but with the amount of people at the wedding two people would have to stay in a guest house; Frank and I were paired together and we didn’t mind, we planned on watching Columbo and going to bed early. But the thing with Frank has always been that he does not take no for an answer.
So, he offered this special “Strawberry blend” of certain substances. For context, I’m a total lightweight, and Frank has been into these substances since the 60s. I said no, he kept asking.
After a while I was feeling a bit worn down and honestly wanted him to stop asking more than anything, so sure, I’ll do it.
He gave me this little metal thing that looked like one of those lighters in old cars and said it made it even better. We watched Columbo, and I nursed it for a while before passing out on the couch. The next few hours were a nightmare, it felt like I was dreaming and I barely remember most of it.
But I woke up covered in vomit and an EMT asking if I knew where I was, I passed out, and woke up at home. The substance was laced, and everyone was angry for obvious reasons. My side of the family was mad at Frank for not checking what was in the stuff, the other side of the family was mad that we were partaking the night before the wedding.
Arguments were had, and my dad said as long as Frank was there he wouldn’t be. My cousin ended up crying before her wedding because of the arguments caused by me not standing my ground and saying no. None of us have spoken to each other, Frank never said anything to me after that, and the entire family is ripped in half now because of my mistake.
It’s eating away at me and I don’t know how to even start fixing things. But part of me is mad that someone I thought I could trust gave me anything that had such an extreme effect. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your uncle poisoned you and you blame yourself for the fallout?
Oh no, sweetie. This was all your uncle’s doing and he didn’t even apologize to you and allowed you to take the fall here without even lifting a finger in support. Your dad is right about Frank, but I would go a step further because Frank betrayed your trust with his hippy attitude and almost killed you.
Not only should he not be at the wedding, he should be ostracized from your lives period. You could have died.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ but consider apologizing to your cousin anyway to smooth things over. It’s never fun to have drama on your wedding day.
However, I doubt you really “ruined it”. Your families could have shielded the bride and groom from this drama.” just_needed_tologin
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk, you still agreed to take it (knowing what’s in there) despite it being the night before an important family event.
He is a major jerk for giving you something that was laced and not telling you.” Embarrassed-Exit1450
7. AITJ For Refusing To Use My MIL's 37-Year-Old Cot For My Newborn?
“I’ll jump right into it as I need this argument settled, I’m 39f with my partner 37m we are expecting our first baby together but it’s my 6th.
My mother-in-law offered us his old cot, BUT the cot is 37 years old, it had him and his 2 brothers in it, It then went to my partner’s uncle who had all his kids in it, AND then had his grandkids in it.
Now onto the argument, I’ve always had a good relationship with my in-laws so I very politely said no thank you we’ve picked another cot.
I didn’t want to make waves and upset anyone by declining her offer. I showed my mother-in-law the cot I wanted but she didn’t offer to buy a new one for us or offer to buy anything for the baby ( which is their first grandchild ) which I thought was very strange as they are fairly well off.
Whereas my family isn’t well off and has always insisted on buying things for the babies. I can easily buy everything myself I just thought it would have been a nice thing for them to offer. My partner has slight autism so doesn’t always understand stuff so he couldn’t see why I didn’t want to use the cot.
I explained that I didn’t find it hygienic to use a 37-year-old cot that’s had about 15 babies use it when we can just easily buy a new one ( it’s not an expensive one) I also explained that it was an unnecessary risk to the baby given its age and that we don’t know how it’s been stored so it could have mold or rot, And that I wasn’t comfortable with it and to me it was just common sense not to use it.
He agreed that we wouldn’t have it in our house.
Now THE BIG PROBLEM. His mum said the other day how she was bringing the cot to HER house to use when she babysits. Which hasn’t been discussed with us at all!
Now in my perspective where she is lacking in common sense, I don’t feel comfortable with her babysitting my baby and told my partner so.
(I got pressured into having 2 people babysit my other kids when they were babies and both times ended very badly so now I don’t trust anyone with my kids.)
My saying I don’t want his mum babysitting started a massive argument as I won’t be pressured into something I’m not comfortable with.
But I got told I was “cruel” for taking that away from his mum who has wanted grandkids for years.
I don’t want to be stuck with a mama’s boy who doesn’t put his foot down, because in my opinion if it’s your parents you deal with them and I don’t want a mother-in-law who doesn’t listen and the whole thing is stressing me out and causing a lot of arguments.
So, am I the jerk for not wanting to let my newborn sleep in a nearly 40-year-old cot and not letting my mother-in-law babysit?”
Another User Comments:
“Gently, YTJ. There is nothing unhygienic about using a heritage cot -you replace the mattress and all the textiles, you obviously wash it and clean it well when you get it, but there is nothing unhygienic about using the old furniture itself.
If you want a new cot, I can understand why the mother-in-law is not offering to buy it – she doesn’t understand why should she spend money on an entirely new bed when she is offering you one. Imagine that every time you have to change your bedsheets you insist on buying a new bed frame.
That’s the same unhygienic level you are thinking of here.” stealing
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You want mother-in-law to buy a new cot. That’s what this is really about for you —getting gifts for your kid. Buy one for your use with your own money but let your mother-in-law use the family heirloom at her house.
Wipe down the cot yourself if you’re really worried.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ who cares how many kids have used the cot? If it’s 37 years old get a new mattress, get new sheets for it and that’s all you need to do. Presumably, you’re going to keep the thing clean anyway, what other hygiene issue could you possibly be concerned about?
That’s way cheaper than buying a new cot, it’s a family heirloom by the sounds of it too. That’s much nicer than buying a new one. Why would grandma offer to buy you a cot when you turned down a perfectly good offer already? Even weirder, you blow up over the perfectly reasonable assumption that occasionally the kid might be at grandma’s!
Madam you have a grandmother who’s offering to babysit for free, that’s awesome news, instead, you freak out on her. Nice going. Congrats on being such a jerk that it overcomes the natural sympathy you get for being pregnant.” Remarkable-Intern-41
6. AITJ For Wanting My Ex To Pay Back Money He Owed Me?
“So I (24F) was seeing this guy (27M) for a year and a half, but we broke up in early 2023.
At the start of our relationship, I had already graduated college and had a salaried job, but he was unemployed and still finishing up his degree. Because of this, he would ask to borrow funds from me from time to time.
Throughout our relationship, I lent him $1300 which consisted of a music festival ticket since he wanted to go with me, a vet bill for his cat since he couldn’t afford to get her spayed, and a flight ticket and hotel room for my birthday trip we went on together.
He told me he would pay me back when he got a job, but throughout our relationship, he never worked. When I finally had discussed the music festival ticket with him a few months after we went, he got angry and said he shouldn’t be expected to pay it back since we both wanted him to go and I had a better time with him there, and had he known I would ask for the funds back he would’ve stayed home.
I eventually relented and disregarded the ticket cost, putting his tab down to $900.
Over time he paid me back $300, leaving $600 that he owed me. Almost exactly a year ago, I got laid off from my job which exacerbated the issues in our relationship and contributed to the breakup.
I was using my savings to pay my rent and credit card bill and had no source of income at the time. I asked him to pay back the money which he said he would work on, but I never saw another cent.
Pretty soon after, I broke up with him after a big fight (which is a whole other story that includes him yelling at me for getting a job interview, saying if I was employed again I would just forget about him, telling me I’m the reason my exes mistreated me, throwing stuff at me, etc. Fun stuff all around) Anyway, after we split I saw him at a party months later and he said he would still pay me back the $600.
It’s now been a few months since then, and though I have a new salary job and am building my savings back up, I would still like the money back to help with this. I’m worried about possible issues arising from this, as I’ve cut him out of my life completely; it’s been months since we’ve seen each other or even spoken, and I don’t want to stir up drama.
So, WIBTJ if I reached out and asked for the money back, especially since I’m now employed again and don’t really “need” the money, and it’s also been so long since he borrowed it and we don’t talk anymore?
Sorry if there is any unnecessary info, I was trying to include the full picture of the situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I would question if it’s worth the aggravation to deal with him again, given you’re in a good position now and he sounds like a jerk. Just leave it alone, in fact, the $600 debt acts as a good reason to remember why you’re not together anymore!” Fromasha
Another User Comments:
“It’s a loan which he agreed that he will pay you back. This is your money. I would ask him to but I would not hold your breath in getting it back. In the US, you can take him to Small Claims Court if he refuses if you want to go that route.
As you said, the tradeoff is you are letting him back in your life unless you use a Third Party to deal with him that way.” Ok-Tiger1435
5. AITJ For Refusing To Pause My Life To Care For My Grandmother Full-Time?
“So I (19 f) was asked by my mom if I was open to living with my grandma full time to take care of her as she’s struggling more in her old age to be by herself. I said no because it would change my life.
My grandma and I have had a somewhat rocky relationship. I’m ADHD and the way I behaved when I was younger was heavily disapproved by my grandmother as it was seen as acting out. Fair enough it probably was but it’s not exactly something I could control.
Anyway, now we’re all alright. My grandmother fell and had to go to a rehab facility to learn to walk again as she shattered her pelvic bone. So I helped out with taking care of her when I could. Make no mistake that I do love and care for my grandmother though.
Anyway, I refused the offer and my mom asked why. I told her I’d be putting my life on pause to take care of my grandma. I’d have to drop out of college, quit my full-time job which I love, and move somewhere far (2 hour drive from where I currently live).
I also told my mom it wasn’t my responsibility to take care of her (probably a jerk for saying that) and my mom snapped and said that God calls us to take care of our family and so on. She also said that it technically wasn’t any of our responsibilities to take care of her full time however we were obligated to.
She said if she was my age she’d do it. I didn’t understand this as my grandmother wasn’t my mother. She’s my father’s mother. I don’t see why I should have to pause my entire life to take care of her until she dies or has to be put in a more specialized care facility.
I’m well aware of how care homes are horrific and disgusting however some of them are quite reasonable.
I don’t believe I possess the qualities to even take care of her full-time. I’m freaking 19 years old and have never cared for any living being full-time.
I’ve babysat, yes but not for an entire day let alone several years. My mother keeps bringing this idea up to me and I keep refusing because that’s just not something I can see myself doing. My mother agreed with me when I said my grandmother wouldn’t agree with my lifestyle as she’s very organized and nit-picky.
Also super demanding and high maintenance because she wants things a certain way and gets very frustrated when they’re not done her way. So AITJ because I don’t want to take care of her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is an absurd ask of a 19-year-old with absolutely no nursing experience.
Your grandmother needs real medical care. I think this is the perfect way for your mom to get you to move out and out of her expenses. My intuition is telling me to RUN. Get out of the house as soon as you can financially.
Why is your mother so okay with ruining your future?” sammishrimp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’ve fought with my Mother over this countless times. For some reason, my Mother wants to believe I’ll deal with my mentally unstable, abusive grandmother if she manages to survive my Mother. I have no love for the woman, I’ve told her she’ll be a burden of the state, I want nothing to do with her and she gets upset.
Grandmother has been physically and mentally abusive since I’ve known her to everyone I know. Regardless of your situation, you’re entitled to live your life without being tied to someone else’s preconceived expectations. ” 420FLoz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t matter if you and your grandma have the world’s most wonderful relationship if she lived just up the street, or if you were her sole heir.
None of that is relevant here. Your mother is being completely unreasonable. You are a young adult who is just now starting to figure out your independence and she’s asking you to give up your entire life for an indeterminate number of years to provide 24/7 elder care.
That’s unhinged, and to ask that of you and then try to guilt you for declining is hugely unfair.” RavenUberAlles
4. AITJ For Confronting My Partner About Her Close Relationship With Her Older Male Coworker?
“We’ve been together for 6 months and have been best friends for 2 years before that. She moved to a new city a couple of months ago and started a new job there.
Until now she mainly has made one friend there, which is a 34-year-old coworker of hers she sits in the same office with.
At the beginning I was really happy she found a friend and she was always excited and told me stories about him.
I wasn’t insecure about it either and I’ve been invited to his place as well by now he seems to be nice and likes me a lot apparently, and he sometimes calls me when both of them are hanging out and asks me how I’m doing.
He isn’t really attractive and way older than her so I didn’t worry.
However, things began adding up and made me insecure. By now they are hanging out a lot and it’s always at his place. They see each other after work or at the weekends, and they also drink together and go out to clubs and stuff.
This by itself is perfectly fine with me, also that they would crash at his place afterward and sleep inebriated on the same couch.
Now red flags start. This dude is currently friends with benefits with a 22-year-old and has relations a lot with women that age, even when they’re in a relationship.
She swears he’s just like a big brother and isn’t interested in her, but I am still very insecure about that.
Also, they do have bodily contact with each other, she cuddles with him and lays on his chest when they’re at his place. It seems more and more like a relationship.
She also casually goes to his place and cuts his hair for example, and yesterday she texted me that she wants to help him with his problems but is afraid because she tries to emotionally reach him but he is just blocking it all … she worries about him a lot.
Now the part that bugs me the most: There was a rumor at their office that she had an affair with him because they’re so close. I am sure she doesn’t have relations with him, but it still makes me insecure.
I called her about it and told her that there are boundaries in a relationship, that guys get insecure about this type of stuff, that I am suffering from it emotionally, and that I find their relationship inappropriate.
She disagreed with it vehemently, not acknowledging anything about the situation as problematic, and telling me she doesn’t deceive me so if I am insecure it’s my problem.
Am I the jerk here? I don’t want to be the toxic partner that tells my partner what she can and cannot do, but I also feel like I have a point here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I mean, once I got to the part where they crash inebriated at his place on the same couch, and that she lays on his chest, I couldn’t think of him as a “big brother”… The rumor wasn’t a red flag for me, because close friends always tagged this way on workplaces.
But the stuff you mentioned is way beyond “close friends” in my dictionary. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, and maybe the fact that she tells you about it means that she’s honest and faithful. IDK – I would feel weird if my partner would be that close to someone, and hang out with them so much.
A wise man once said “We begin by coveting what we see every day” edebby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Red flags everywhere. It is clear that if she hasn’t yet slept with him he is going to at some point. At the very best it is emotional deception.
As for the deception rumor at work, sorry but no smoke without fire, it is probably true! Be honest how often do you 2 even meet up, has she even bothered to come see you, or have you been to see her? End it now before you get hurt.” Successful_Bath1200
Another User Comments:
“I’m surprised it took you so long to start seeing red flags and having a problem with it. Even her coworkers had a problem with it, so they thought it was inappropriate knowing she had a partner. I have to tell you if a guy and a girl are spending that much time together going out clubbing sleeping over on the same couch yeah sure right, At least having an emotional affair, but if you know him, he’s already sleeping with younger girls.
He’s sleeping with your girl too. Maybe you’re the side piece in your relationship and she doesn’t see anything that wrongly disagrees with you. blow her up and be ready to move on” bradclayh
3. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Fold Towels While I Do All The Housework?
“On Sunday we were out for the morning, so Sunday afternoon I was rushing around doing chores that needed doing – cleaning clothes for the week, prepping dinner, cleaning, giving the dog his meds, feeding the dog, cleaning kitty litter, etc.
My husband Jim sat on his backside on the phone for the whole time I was rushing around.
I have asked Jim to ‘help’ me in the past, but he will be purposefully bad at the task – ie, I asked him to vacuum the stairs and he did the top step only. Asked him to clean the TV unit – he took a bottle of liquid dish soap and a dry cloth and ‘cleaned’ the raw wood.
He’s a 42-year-old educated man. He knows how to do this stuff. So now I don’t bother asking because it will end in an argument.
Anyway, I went to fold the four baskets of laundry on the kitchen table. Jim gets up to plug in his phone and sits at the table.
He watches me fold clothes. I pushed the basket of towels towards him and asked him to fold them.
Jim got a moody attitude and said “Oh, are you happy you got me to do something? I could see from your face that you were annoyed I wasn’t doing anything.” He was ANGRY at me for being annoyed he didn’t do anything.
I asked him if he could see I was annoyed, why didn’t he help out or talk to me? He just repeated, “oh, you’re so happy you’re getting me to do something.”
Jim then folded the eight towels and went back to the couch with his phone.
He left the folded towels on the table.
AITJ for making Jim fold towels and therefore making him mad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I do hate to add. I was married to a man I loved very much and was in the IDENTICAL POSITION as you are now.
(Notice the past tense). That stuff gets OLD and just drives a wedge between two people. He loved video games and, when he got home from work, that was ALL HE DID. I did everything as well. I was exhausted and realized, after 13 years, I was his maid service, personal chef, his “roommate” who covered half the bills, his “personal home manager” and the mother of his children but that was it.
I filed for divorce. It was never going to end. To this day (he is now 59), he never remarried. Eh! Edit to add, my life got SO MUCH EASIER after the divorce. Suddenly there was one less human I had to take care of. I had more time for myself and my kids.” Classic_68
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How are you tolerating this? Jim is not treating you as an equal, or his partner; he’s treating you like his housekeeper. And he is cleaning poorly intentionally because he knows if he does that you won’t ask him again. I am so curious, is he like this in other aspects of your relationship?
Is he generally selfish and disrespectful of your feelings/time?” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jim is deploying what is called “weaponized incompetency”. He knows full well and is purposefully messing up so you don’t ask him for his help again. Common tactic from lazy backside entitled people who feel they are too good to do small chores.
Perhaps stop doing chores altogether and give yourself a break? Yep, the house will be a mess. Don’t fix him dinner, don’t launder his clothes (continue to take care of the pets). Does he have the “it’s women’s work” attitude? At 42, he should know better.
Perhaps have him pay for a housekeeper to come in once a week? Also, this is very disrespectful. He is taking advantage of you. You may want to try a therapist who can give you suggestions on how to deal with this. Good luck.” goldenfingernails
2. AITJ For Arguing With My Sister Over Our Mother's Birthday Plans?
“I (39F) have a younger sister (30F).
Our parents divorced when she was 4 and I was 13, our dad left due to an affair, and cut all contact with us despite continuing to pay child support. Our mother always felt that my sister had a rough life (because she was so young and does not remember us being a happy family) and always favored my sister, despite she was not well-behaved and always having tantrums.
I had a good time in school, my sister was bullied; I had excellent grades and was always top of my class, my sister had average grades; I have a good-paying job, own a house, and have a good financial life, and my sister has a low pay job, struggles to pay rent; I am now happily married with my husband that I met when I was 20, my sister had several partners that were deadbeats.
So my mother says that I am lucky in life, my sister is not, so we should always let her take the decision, and get what she wants just to make her a little happy.
In the last few years on my mother’s birthday, I took the day off from work and went with my mother somewhere nice, do a tour, visit something, having lunch at a nice restaurant.
To allow her to just relax and not have to do anything on her special day. Then of course we always have a dinner party with all the family to have a cake and sing happy birthday, where my sister joins.
This year my sister decided to come home (she lives and works 2 hours away and when she is in our city she stays at my mom’s place) on my mother’s birthday.
My sister will be doing remote work so she will not be able to go anywhere with my mother, her new partner is also coming, so my mother will have to stay home and prepare lunch for them, do the dishes, and so on. I asked my sister to come on the following day, or later at night, also because the dinner party was just on the weekend, but she said she was entitled to be around my mother on that day.
My mother said to me that she would prefer to leave the house and do the usual day off with me, but she can’t do it because she has a guest (my sister’s partner) and she can’t say anything to upset my sister. I just lost it and when to talk with my sister, started an argument and now my mother is upset with me.
AITJ for claiming that my mother should not change her birthday usual activities and arguing with my sister about it?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You can’t just get mad your mom wants to spend time with both her daughters and on top of that, it’s not your rodeo.
Your mom has to come to terms with how she can mend the coddling towards your sister if she wants to do these things. You can’t force her. You can’t force your sister to change her plans. You got to do this for several years now based upon the various activities you’ve done with your mom on her past birthdays.
Sister is a product of mom’s coddling, so she has to acknowledge that for herself if she wants to break free.” MotherBike
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but making your mother feel more stressed and torn between you and your sister is probably the last thing you want.
There’s nothing magical about the calendar. Why not just plan the usual day with your mother for a week before or a week after her birthday when your sister isn’t present?” GigMistress
1. AITJ For Telling My Aunt To Calm Down?
“My aunt (29F) and I (17F) have never really gotten along (mainly because she comes from the suburbs and my immediate family lives in a rural area), but our relationship has gotten worse since my uncle passed. Ever since then, it’s like she’s been more and more focused on material stuff (fancy bags, makeup, etc.) and appearances than her actual kids, and, although I ignored it at first, it started rubbing me the wrong way.
Once or twice, I have seen her send her children (we’ll call them Mikayla, Jane, and Evelyn), into a different room because they accidentally spilled juice on/dirtied their clothes (not to change, but to be away from everyone else). When I say clothes, I mean dresses, because I don’t think she lets my cousins wear anything but plain pastel or white dresses, even though they’re young (3-6) and will probably get them dirty quickly.
I told my brother (15M) about how I felt bad for our cousins, and he told me to shrug it off because our aunt was “probably just grieving in her way”, and that I should “let her be” because I’d probably do more harm than good.
I understand that grieving can be hard, but it’s been almost a year and I don’t think our cousins have anyone to speak to.
This weekend, we were over at my grandma’s house for a barbeque to celebrate Mikayla’s 6th birthday, and I thought that maybe my aunt wouldn’t be as distant today, since we were celebrating her daughter.
I thought everything was fine until we went outside for the barbeque.
Since Mikayla was the birthday girl, she got to choose what piece she wanted before everyone else. She chose a piece and my aunt immediately cut in and told her no, because she’d ruin the dress she was wearing.
I told my aunt that the purpose of the barbeque was to have fun for my cousin’s birthday and that she was being too strict.
She told me it wasn’t my problem, and I told her Mikayla was my cousin and she wasn’t happy, so it was.
This turned into a full-on argument and she said “just because you live in the dirt, doesn’t mean my kids should”. In return, I told her that “you should stop worrying about appearances for a change because unless you haven’t noticed, you have kids to look after”.
We left soon after, and my mum told me I was insensitive and that “you shouldn’t berate your aunt because you’ll understand all of this when you have kids of your own”. I told her that I didn’t want to have kids if I was going to treat them like dolls I had to keep clean, but my parents have taken my aunt’s side and I’m wondering if I should be feeling guilty.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have kids of my own, and honestly found it impossible to keep them squeaky clean without sacrificing mine and their happiness. It’s a pointless thing to worry about. It’s not like they’re rolling around in mud; they’re eating food.
My daughter recently had her 6th birthday. I bought her a new dress to wear to her birthday party; it was a very beautiful dress. Many people commented on it. By the end of the party, she had spilled food down the front. The next day, she wanted to wear it again, so it was even more dirty by the end.
And guess what? I washed it and it came out as good as new. Such a pointless thing to worry about. Your kids having fun should be more important.” Plenty-Character-416
Another User Comments:
“YTJ your aunt isn’t harming her kids and they are her kids.
Your callousness in saying “It’s been almost a year” really downplays how rough losing someone you love can be. Especially a spouse. Look, I agree with you. Children should be able to be kids always but especially on their bday. I’m a mom of 4 myself.
But you are not a mom. You are a teen and you don’t have kids. It looks simple from the outside but is very hard when you’re actually in the thick of parenting. Throw in the loss of a spouse and single motherhood and the stress and worry are tripled. She could very much be coping by over-correcting on the things she can control, like whether or not her kids get dirty.
Even if it’s not grief and this is just who she is, it’s not your business.” Asleep-Tank3228
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