People Look For Someone To Blame For Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
34. AITJ For Telling My Family Members To Give Grandma Some Slack?
“My grandma (65 F) and I (21 M) get along really well, she is amazing, I love her and look up to her, that’s why my perspective can be biased, and need some points of view to know if I am fed up.
Grandma had five children (my dad 43 M, my uncle T 42 M, my uncle M 35 M, my aunt F 47 F, and my aunt S 30 F) with Grandpa (66 M). Grandpa was a terrible father and a garbage husband, a heavy drinker who spent all his money on liquor, and never supported Grandma while she worked her butt to provide for her kids as a baker, she got tired of it and kicked him out in the ’90s, she stayed as a single mom and only provider, did he pay child support?
NO, did he help her buy a house for his kids? NO, did he ask for custody or try to spend time with his kids? No, he only visited once in a blue moon.
Grandma and Grandpa never divorced since my grandma didn’t believe in it, and she was always a single mother, my grandma started going out with William (67 M) two years ago, but she didn’t introduce him to her kids because she was afraid of their reaction and I was the only one who knew about the ‘affair’, Grandma announced that she was moving to William’s house this past July and everyone was furious and started accusing her of having an affair and that she was choosing her affair partner over her own kids, she was even hesitant about moving in with William but I encouraged her because he makes her happy and he is a nice man.
It’s been almost two months and they refuse to talk to her or have low contact with her and that is hurting her, she asked my grandpa for a divorce and he got mad at her and accused her of having an affair.
They were talking trash about her (they 6 at a family dinner) thus I told them to grow up and stop acting like kids since they are not, I told them that they should be happy about their mom’s happiness because that woman dedicated her life to make life easier for them and it’s so unfair that they dumped on her while praising my grandpa (who had other partners too by the way)
They all called me a jerk for not taking their feelings into consideration and they say that something doesn’t feel right about their mom seeing other men at this age.
They accuse her of having an affair but that isn’t infidelity, they haven’t been together for around 25 years, and my grandpa had a couple of girls (yes, they were mad at him too, but it’s time to grow up)
AITJ for telling them to grow up? I think they need to understand that their parents ain’t getting back together (in case they have hope) and that grandma has a right to be happy, I mean she did her job already without any help.”
33. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law She Isn't Allowed In Our Lives Anymore?
“I have a 7-year-old son from a previous relationship and my husband and I have a 2-year-old daughter and a 1-month-old son together.
When I first started a relationship with my husband, I made sure both he and his family knew of my 7-year-old (who was 3 years old at the time) from the start and wasn’t really planning on having anymore.
Well, fast forward a couple of years, and my husband and I got pregnant with our now 2 years old.
When we got pregnant, I made sure to have a conversation with my husband’s mother about not treating my 7-year-old differently because he is not her biological grandchild.
She reassured me that would not be the case and she would love him just like her own grandchild.
Fast forward again to a year later and my 7-year-old’s relationship with my MIL started to decline and quickly. My MIL would start getting in my son’s face, and saying things like ‘You’re a bad kid.
You’re no fun to be around’ and would act so distant with him while talking badly about him to our daughter in front of him and showing him how caring she was towards our daughter.
Now he was obviously not a perfect child being only 5 at the time.
He has hyperactive ADHD and it takes a couple of times to remind him of things not to do. My husband and I had multiple conversations with my MIL about the things she was saying to him and how she was treating him and every time she would say she wouldn’t act like that anymore but then do it behind our backs.
Eventually, she got tired of us talking to her about it and moved out of our house. Afterward, we had to send my son to therapy because he had really low self-esteem and would say things like he feels he doesn’t belong in this world because of how my MIL treated him.
From that point on I told my MIL she wasn’t allowed in our lives anymore. She unfriended me on social media and hasn’t tried communicating with us at all for the past 8 months. Things have been better, my son is done with therapy and in a good place mentally and a toxic cloud has cleared from over our family.
Well, she decided to call my husband 2 weeks ago and said she feels like we tossed her aside and she misses him. She also asked when she could see the kids now that we just had our newborn and I told my husband I don’t want her to have anything to do with the other kids because of everything we went through with her and my son.
(Side note, she has said she will always love my husband and our daughter but intentionally left out my son and myself in that message). AITJ for wanting to keep her out of our lives even though she is the other kids’ grandmother?”
32. AITJ For Giving My Niece Some Demands Before I Invite Her To My Wedding?
“I (23 f) am getting married to my lovely fiance (23 m) in a few months. My fiance and I both have very tight relationships with our family and are incredibly excited to share this moment with them and a bunch of our friends.
I have four siblings (21 m, 27 f, 31 m, and 33 f).
My oldest sister has 3 kids (14 m, 13 m, and 11 f) with her husband (33 m). The oldest currently goes to a private school for gifted kids, the school is pretty far from where my sister lives, so he lives with my older brother and his wife (they filled all the legal paperwork out, and he still sees his parents regularly).
My other nephew is a good kid, he’s a baseball player and is very sweet. About a year ago, he was in the mall when he saw a dress, he was with his friends and told them if he was a girl, he’d wear it, but he didn’t feel like a girl or something along those lines, they told him, that he didn’t need to be a girl to wear a dress, and told him to try it on.
The boys were all hyping him up and he ended up getting it, my sister and husband are perfectly fine with him wearing dresses, when he came home and showed them, they told him as long as he’s happy they’re happy.
My nephew doesn’t wear dresses normally, he has only worn them to special occasions, he wanted to wear one to my wedding, I and my fiance were fine with that, we had no dress code, but encouraged colorful dresses and suits (my dress is blue), although that was not a requirement.
He looked at dresses online with his friends and found a vintage 1950s dress, he told me he wanted to show me after his friends told him he looked amazing, I saw it and it was stunning. I could also tell how happy he was.
The issue comes with my niece, she called the dress old and ugly and kept saying stuff like it was ‘out of style’ and ‘why would someone wear that’, she also made fun of him on social media, when my nephew told me this, I was extremely disappointed in her.
I told my sister and she asked if I still wanted her to come, I told her I’d think about it.
I decided to give my niece an ‘assignment’. I made her write an apology explaining why what she did was wrong, how she can make amends to my nephew, and promising not to do it again.
I also told her she needed to spend quality time with her brother watching vintage fashion videos (which he does for both sports jerseys and dresses).
At first, my niece refused, saying I wasn’t her mom, but her mom and dad backed me up.
She then complained to our parents. My mom and dad (61 m and 61 f) said I should just let this go because ‘she’s your niece, you can’t not invite her’ and that I was ‘rubbing it in her face’, I love my parents, but my niece is clearly manipulating them because she doesn’t want to be held accountable, I told my niece I wouldn’t budge, and she begrudgingly started the process of doing the ‘assignment’.
I love my niece a lot and the time I spend with her, but I felt what she did was unacceptable. AITJ?”
31. AITJ For Asking My Workaholic Mom To Leave Work To Drive My Brother?
“I have a 16-year-old brother that needs transportation often (his high school, friends, some classes, etc… are in a different town, and although there’s public transportation it’s not that great and there are several hours between buses or days with no transportation at all, so I always need to drive him around and be available several times per week).
I love my brother, but this situation bothers me a lot.
My mom is a grade-A workaholic. She owns a tiny company with her siblings and I always felt it was her biggest life priority. She spends most of her time there, and pretty much only comes home to sleep through the night (sometimes not even that).
Her siblings all leave the company when they see fit. Their children’s birthday? They leave early. Their kids’ got a sports match? They go watch the game. Their kids need to go to the doctor? They leave to accompany them. Their kids’ got some extracurricular class?
They go drive and pick them up.
Everyone does it… but her.
Today we had a huge argument about it. She told me to go pick my brother up for school and take him to a medical appointment, and I asked her why she couldn’t do it herself.
She said she was working (which is true, of course), but just today one of her sisters left twice (once to take the dog to the vet, the other to go to a car mechanic with her daughter) and the other left once (she had to gift something to a close friend).
Honestly, it ticks me off.
I wouldn’t complain if she couldn’t leave her job like most people, but she actually can, she just won’t. It made me mad beyond words, I don’t get why her siblings get to leave whenever they feel like it and she always prioritizes the company over her own children.
In the end, we had a huge argument about it, and I actually had to drive my brother because she wouldn’t otherwise. I did tell her though that I wasn’t doing it anymore unless it was something very important or she had a good reason to avoid doing it herself.
I talked with my brother and he’s upset with both of us, our mom for prioritizing work over everything and me because my decision over an argument with someone else (our mom) will impact him the most.
Was I the jerk for telling her to leave work to drive my brother?”
30. AITJ For Wanting To Be There When My Best Friend Gives Birth?
“I (24 F) was asked by my best friend (25 F) if I would be in the delivery room with her when she gives birth. I was surprised when she asked me but I was excited because I think that’s a really beautiful and personal experience that not many people besides a spouse/partner or close family get to be a part of.
But we have been friends since elementary school and I have always viewed her like a sister and thought it was amazing that she viewed me like family as well and I accepted.
My best friend’s husband (26 M) got really mad when he found out I was asked to be in the delivery room.
He and I had never really gotten along and he rarely says a word to me when we are all hanging out. We don’t argue or openly dislike each other though and I just figured he wasn’t a very social person, neither am I.
My best friend still wanted me to be there despite her husband not being okay with it.
At first, I just thought he wanted it to be a private moment for him and his wife and I was prepared to tell her that I would not intrude and I would just come to visit her after the baby had come and they had settled in a bit.
However, it was revealed to me that her husband actually didn’t want me to watch her give birth because I am attracted to and have dated women. I was a little confused because I didn’t see how that had anything to do with the situation.
The story comes out that the reason he never speaks to me or acknowledges my presence is because he doesn’t want his wife to be friends with a woman who likes women. He doesn’t want me watching her give birth because that means I’ll be looking at her without clothes and it might make me attracted to her or want to hook up with her.
I told him that first of all, I’d probably seen her without clothes a thousand times over the years because we’d been best friends since childhood and frequently changed clothes in front of each other and it had never made me attracted to her.
And second, watching someone give birth is not a sensual experience and anyone watching a baby being born is not thinking about anything besides the miracle of a new life being brought into the world.
He said that I had probably had a crush on his wife for years and I was just waiting for the right opportunity to get with her and he forbid me from being in the room with them.
I informed him that unless my best friend personally told me that she no longer wanted me in the delivery room, I was going to be there.
Some friends have told me I am just being petty and could cause unnecessary problems in their relationship.
I think that it is my best friend’s decision who gets to be there for her. So am I the jerk?”
29. AITJ For Putting Up A Fence To Keep Neighbors' Kids Out Of Our Property?
“My grandparents owned the lot next to their house, they just used it for more yard space. But when my sister and I were born Grandpa knocked down the old shed on the empty lot and built a playground for us.
Everything was made with his own two hands. It was a kid’s dream and we both played there any chance we got. And after we grew up they let the kids of their neighborhood use the place to play with no issues. But then some years later they passed and the house went to my mom.
I found out I’m expecting so my husband ‘Andre’ and I started seriously looking for a house when we’d only been half trying before. Mom suggested we buy my grandparent’s house since we know it’s a good place and us buying it would keep it in the family.
It’s still in good shape, has no HOA, and is close to a good school. So we bought it for a steal and moved in as soon as possible. Right away we noticed parents hanging out at the playground with their kids. We didn’t mind at first and used the chance to introduce ourselves.
Everyone was lovely and younger than I’d expected but it seems a bunch of couples with kids had taken over the street in the past 5 or so years.
The problem arose when Neighbor Witch (NW) brought her kid over one afternoon. I happened to be by the window and saw a flash of red outside.
It was a kid in a red shirt literally standing on the ROOF of one of the 2 story playhouses, almost 10 feet off the ground. I ran outside, thinking he was alone, and said he needed to get down right now. That’s when NW stormed over from who knows where and yelled at me to get lost and not tell her kid stuff.
I asked if she was his mom and after getting a yes I asked her to make her son get down before he got hurt. She argued saying I couldn’t make them do anything, so I told her this was my property and yes I could.
That’s when the kid fell, thankfully once he was halfway down and only onto the grass but he still wailed like he was dying. He was fine. He got up without issue and ran over to NW. She picked him up and said if he’d been hurt she’d have sued me so I threatened her with the cops if she didn’t leave.
She flipped me off and called me a ‘gin jockey’ (random, I don’t drink at all, let alone gin) but left. Andre was worried other people might try to sue us if their kids got hurt on our land (I hadn’t even thought of that) so we put up a fence.
Parents came by asking why the fence so I told them why, and they can thank NW. I heard she’s been shunned by the other parents and none of them will let their kids play with hers.
I feel guilty that her son is getting punished for her actions.
Maybe just saying we wanted a fence up instead of telling them about NW would have been kinder. AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Room For My Roommate's Partner?
“I (19 M) am housemates with 3 other people who we’ll call F (20 M), E (19 F) and L (21 F). We all go to the same university but do completely different courses and aren’t that close we found each other through a roommate search platform run by our uni because we all had similar wants in a roommate.
We started renting this flat at the beginning of last year. L and F are in a relationship and have been since the first year before we all got this flat together. As I said we aren’t close but we occasionally hang out and watch TV or play games or eat dinner together, we aren’t best friends but we are on friendly enough terms.
Recently E got a partner (26 M) who she met online and he’s been around a few times and has told E he is ‘threatened by how close we are’. E and I rarely talk, she is the roommate I am the least friendly with, we aren’t on bad terms but we aren’t around much at the same time as I work nights.
The guy says he wants E to stop ‘seeing me’ which E told me in passing one day and the guy wants me to move out because me living with E is threatening their relationship. I told E to tell the guy that he completely misunderstood our relationship and that we aren’t even really friends.
L and F side with me. On top of the fact I and E aren’t that close, I am also gay and exclusively interested in men.
E let it slide that time but every time we are in the kitchen together brings up that her partner is uncomfortable with me and feels threatened and every time her partner is here he acts all hypermasculine and tries to ‘out-dude’ me and tells me to back off his girl.
This man is almost 30 and threatened by a teenager.
Recently E suggested that I move out and her partner takes my room, that she will pay me back for the month’s rent I paid just so I will leave. I refused because it’s my house and her partner seems like a bit of a jerk but they are both pressuring me to move out.
I asked E why she doesn’t just move into her partner’s place if she wants to live with him so bad and she started crying and said he’s ‘between houses at the moment’ and that I’m forcing him to stay on the streets (from my knowledge he couch surfs) I feel guilty now because I don’t want him not to have anywhere to go but also this feels unfair because I live here too.
Our flat is too small for him to stay we all have single beds and it’s too tight a squeeze. Am I the jerk?”
27. AITJ For Telling My Nephew He Has Cancer?
“I (19 f) am the youngest of 5 siblings and for full context, my brother ‘Jay’ (25) and I are adopted (we’re the youngest 2).
My oldest nephew ‘Alex’ (15) is my best friend. He is the one I am closest to in the family. His biological dad is not in the picture. His mother/my sister (45) is kind of a helicopter parent. I love her to the moon and back but she can be overbearing sometimes.
Alex recently got diagnosed with cancer. The family is devastated but we’re willing to do anything to help him. The thing is, my sister, didn’t want to tell him that he had cancer. She thinks he is too young for this kind of news to be forced upon him.
But, this kind of news is literally inside him. I couldn’t get how she would get him into treatment without telling him what the treatment was for. She said she will figure it out and for the time being, tell him that he has some minor disease.
While the family tried to reason with her, she wouldn’t listen. And no one insisted on telling him that much because it is very difficult to have any sort of argument with my sister as she almost never budges.
The whole family and her husband (Alex’s stepdad) said that even though they all think that Alex should know, in the end, it is her call.
Jay and I disagreed with this but we didn’t say anything to anyone at that time. We decided amongst ourselves that I should tell Alex as he deserves to know. My sister was being unreasonable and would never ever tell him if it was up to her.
So, yesterday, Jay and I visited while she was at work. Jay distracted BIL and their other kids while I talked to Alex and told him. I also told him that it is caught at a much earlier stage and treatment would be easy. He took it as well as any teenager can take that kind of news.
We left before our sister was back.
She called me in the evening and was mad at me (reasonable) for telling Alex behind her back. I didn’t say anything to her except that I thought he deserves to know. Then my BIL texted me and said how wrong it was of me to not listen to my sister.
He said that he wanted to tell him too but he couldn’t break the boundary that his wife had established and I shouldn’t have either. My parents are also mad at us right now. Our other brothers aren’t mad but say that we should have at least waited as all of them were trying to make my sister understand.
Now I’m feeling like we are jerks because we took the matter into our own hands. I feel bad for hurting my sister but at the same time, I still think she was being unreasonable. AITJ?”
26. AITJ For Saying I Won't Be Dedicating My Whole Life To Being A Mother?
“My (31 F) cousin (35 F) got pregnant around 4 months back.
She is the warmest and the kindest person on this planet. And it was a big dream of hers to become a mother. Am sure her child is going to be incredibly lucky to have her as their mother.
Now, my cousin is rational most times but I believe her hormones are acting up.
I did a little shopping for her and visited her to make sure she is alright, we don’t live that far. She was talking about how she is so excited to be a mother and how this is one of the best things she is going to experience.
It’s beautiful really. The love she shares for the baby who hasn’t even come yet.
However, she then pointed towards the fact that am 31 now and maybe thinking about having a baby too. She said it smiling in a really nice way. I told her I do want to be a mother but I don’t want a baby now or maybe for the next 3-4 years more.
There is a lot going on with me and am enjoying life. I think that offended her. She told me motherhood is beautiful too and I must see what it’s like to sacrifice everything for another human, then she told me how, now when she looks at her career it doesn’t even matter in front of her baby and her baby is her most priority.
The baby comes first and she comes second and more of that stuff. Like I said. She is going to be a great mom, one should see how she is dedicated to the little precious life growing inside of her.
I told her that not every woman views motherhood with the same eye.
My baby is going to be my priority if I ever decide to be a mother. But my whole world won’t revolve around them. I am me and then their mother and then someone’s daughter and then someone’s wife and so on. For me, motherhood is obviously about giving but it’s also about growing and learning new things with the baby.
I am just not going to be my baby’s MOTHER but so much more. And that’s just how I am. But I made sure that she didn’t take it in a way that sounded demeaning. I then joked and said, ‘Haha, I get it, you’re a better mother!’
She just got really upset and asked me to never have a child if I cannot sacrifice my everything for them. That really hurt me. I simply told her we will meet again and I left after hugging her bye.
After two days of that incident, I called her to make sure she is not feeling bored (her husband is a doctor and he didn’t get any paternity leave).
She didn’t pick up my call and she just texted me that she is pregnant and she is trying to get away from negativity thus she will text me whenever she can.
Obviously, it’s her hormones but I cannot be the jerk for not wanting to sacrifice everything for my future baby or AITJ in this situation?”
25. AITJ For Winning A Bet Against My Friend?
“I (26 M) am single and so is a lot of my friend group. We tend to talk about our relationships pretty openly as we are a tight group. So I and my friend Jenny (27 F) tend to always take the opposite point of view on things.
I lean conservative and she is very much left-leaning. She’s a feminist and is very local about social issues. We always keep things civil and friendly. We are good friends but kinda rivals if that makes sense. The friend group loves to get the two of us going.
So recently I was going out with a girl casually. After a few dates, she said she wasn’t feeling a spark but really wanted to stay friends. I told her that she was a very nice person. But I didn’t see us being friends.
The girl and Jenny know each other so I think Jenny found out about it. So Jenny asked in front of the friend group why I didn’t want to stay friends with said girl. I said I just didn’t really view her as a friend.
This started a whole debate on whether guys and girls can be friends. I said that yes they could be, but not if the original goal was a romantic one. She said that I was wrong and she had plenty of guy friends who were once potential relationships.
I said it’s nonsense that those guys are on her roster waiting on a chance. She said I was wrong and started calling me a jerk. I said it’s simple facts. Unless they were always just friends, those guys would jump at the chance to sleep with her if given the chance.
We were pregaming to go out so our whole friend group debated this over an hour. Jenny kept getting mad at me individually tho. Saying how insulting it is to imply guys are only her friend to get in her pants. I said maybe not every guy but a majority of those dudes on her roster are waiting for a call-up.
She said, ‘Wanna bet?’ I said sure let’s do it. I said, ‘Text 3 of your closest guy friends that you are lonely and want to hook up. I’ll bet 2 of the 3 will show up within 30 minutes’. She laughed and said ‘How much?
This is easy money’. We agreed on $100 dollars and the friend group got super invested in this bet.
Well, she sent out the text. And all 3 dudes started texting her asking when she wanted them to come over. She got all upset and went to the bathroom.
I read the room and didn’t make fun of her once she came back. But I told her she needed to pay up. She told me she wasn’t paying because it was a stupid bet that proved nothing. I said that I would have paid if I was wrong.
So she needed to pay up on her bet.
The guys all agree she made the bet and needs to pay up. The girls are saying I’m being a jerk about it. I think it’s all fair because she took the bet confident she would win.
And I’m sure if I was wrong and didn’t want to pay I’d be getting roasted for it. AITJ?”
24. AITJ For Separating Our Finances?
“My wife and I have 1 daughter from a previous marriage each, mine is called Pen (15 F) and hers Amy (17 F). We’ve been married for 10 years now, and our finances are joint because we don’t care for money, she makes 70-80K and I make 180K to 200K per year, she’s in charge of our finances.
My wife has the weird fixation on having the kids ‘earn’ their stuff, and while I agree, both of our daughters are well-behaved, good students, and kind, I don’t see why they have to earn every single thing daily, example; if my daughter is working in the kitchen at night, and goes to sleep without putting her laptop away because she’ll work again in the morning, then my wife decides that she can’t eat anything sweet that day, I’ve voiced, with better words that I find it stupid.
The same thing goes for her daughter, she’s prone to forget things easily and if she doesn’t remember to put away this or that thing, my wife removes her phone or tablet.
Yesterday was my day off and I stay back home resting while my wife and our kids went out to buy my MIL’s Mother’s Day gift, around 5 pm my daughter came to my room and said that my wife bought Amy a neckless and when she asked for a pair of earrings she loved, my wife refused because the night before she stayed up until late watching Netflix when she knows she can’t do it.
This isn’t the first time my wife reuses to buy my daughter things and honestly, it boils my b***d, my daughter is a really good kid, and I work hard to make sure my family has every or most of the things they want just for my wife to tell them ‘no’ because they are kids being kids,
When my wife came into our room I was honest, I said that her rule was utterly stupid and I was done putting it up with that, that I don’t particularly like her buying one thing for a girl while the other had nothing and that until she accepts to attend therapy with me and fix this problem, our finances will be taken care of separately and the joint account will be for house and emergency matters only, this means she now has to pay half of the utilities and some other things.
She didn’t like it because her funds will be cut short and implied I was financially abusing her by doing this for a pair of earrings. She went to her parents and my FIL called me soon after, he said I was a jerk and that it was my obligation to provide for my family.
ETA: I’ll still be paying most of our joint expenses (like 6-70%), but before this, my wife kept almost all her money to herself and only put toward the emergency fund we set (still I put a bigger amount), she’s not happy about us separating our finances because this means she has to contribute to the house now and she’ll have less budget for her daughter’s college fund and her fun.”
23. AITJ For Being Offended By My Husband's "Joke Toast"?
“I (f 25) married my husband (m 31) 3 years ago. I’m currently pregnant with our first baby together. We found out it was a girl and my in-laws wanted to invite us for dinner for a ‘gender reveal announcement and celebration’.
We got there and saw many relatives coming to congratulate us and celebrate.
It was bigger than expected which made me nervous because I’m not a fan of being around many people.
We sat at the dinner table and I barely ate, I was feeling so much anxiety and was sort of upset my husband didn’t warn me about how many people were coming, but I tried to stay calm and collected.
Anyways, after the announcement and in the middle of the celebration my husband wanted to give a toast. He opened a bottle and poured a drink and wished that our daughter be ‘healthy, happy, but look nothing like me’. Everyone at the table laughed. I sat there staring in shock while he kept laughing with them.
I felt so much rage and my anxiety got out of hand, I’m not gonna lie. I got up, took my purse, and made my way out. His mom followed me asking if I was okay, I told her I just wanted to go home.
He came to the door asking what was wrong that’s when we started arguing. He said this was a ‘joke toast’ and that my reaction was over the top, but the thing is ever since I got pregnant he kept hinting he doesn’t want our daughter to look like me.
He even once got up in the morning and the first thing he told me was how much he wished our daughter look nothing like me.
It hurt me while I’m already dealing with low self-esteem and anxiety. I wanted to go home but he said I was being a baby and that I should learn to take a joke.
I said he made everyone laugh at me but he defensively said it didn’t warrant me to walk out of dinner and be so disrespectful to the relative who came to celebrate and share our joy.
I went home and he called many times telling me to get my ‘insecurities’ in check before j pass them up to our daughter, he urged me to get therapy and stop acting so dramatically like how I did in front of his family.
I think leaving dinner wasn’t the best solution but I just got overwhelmed.”
22. AITJ For Telling My Partner My Gay Friend Wasn't Checking Her Out?
“I met my partner Val a year and a half ago. We’ve been together exclusively for a year and some change. We have fun together, same sense of humor, interested in the same things.
When we first met she had low self-esteem so I would compliment her a lot and try to build her up. Now I think that was a mistake.
Everything was smooth sailing, but for the last few months, she’s been telling me about different guys that have told her they’re interested in her and would ask her out if she was single or have checked her out.
At first, I was just like ‘Okay? Cool, I guess’ because I didn’t really know how I was supposed to react.
She continued doing it, sometimes it was somebody she worked with, and other times just some random dude she passed in a store.
A couple of weeks ago I said something about my female friend’s significant other.
Val said ‘Oh (friend’s name) is gay? Hm, I thought she was checking me out before’. I pretty much just rolled my eyes at that.
We went swimming a few weeks ago after we walked by a couple of guys Val said ‘Did you see that?
They were checking me out’. I saw them sitting there but it didn’t look like they checked her out, they just looked in our direction when we walked by.
The last straw was last weekend. We went by my friend from works house for a birthday party.
My friend ‘Will’ was there. Will is a really nice guy, can talk to anyone and make them feel welcome. He’s also gay. He and Val really got along and were chatting for a while.
On our way back to my place Val said ‘I think Will might have a crush on me’.
I said ‘Eh, doubt it he’s just friendly’. She said ‘No it seemed like he was interested’. I said ‘Will’s gay’. Val said, ‘Well then he must be bi because he was checking me out’.
I sorta snapped and said, ‘This has gotta stop. Everyone is not attracted to you or checking you out, some people are just looking in your direction or being nice’.
She said, ‘Don’t be jelly I get looks and you don’t’ (her way of saying jealous).
I said, ‘I’m not jealous, but this is beyond annoying. You sound conceited, it’s a major turnoff’.
I ended up telling her she should go home that night instead of staying over at my place.
I haven’t really talked to her since besides a text she sent.
She text me Tuesday and said, ‘When you’re ready to apologize for acting like a jealous jerk, let me know’.
I don’t think I should apologize, but maybe I was being jealous and this is something I should just deal with.
AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Kicking An Alumnus Out Of A College Party?
“I do fencing in college, I’m on a team with women and men together. We have house parties sometimes, and this year since two of my teammates and I rented a house together we became the obvious choice to be the party house and were happy to host
I’m a junior in college and my friends are a junior and a senior. We invited the whole (current) fencing team along with some friends and people’s partners.
There’s this guy Pete who is 26 and out of college for a few years but he keeps trying to come by college parties and hit on the freshman and sophomores.
As an underclassman, it always makes me mad when the people throwing the parties would let in him and other guys who had graduated because I and the other underclassmen girls just wanted to party with people our age, not deal with creepy losers trying to get with college girls.
It also annoyed me that it was played off like a joke, with freshman girls being called ‘fresh meat’
So when I started throwing parties I decided I’d do it differently. My parties would be for current team members, their partners, and their college-age friends.
But no random guys who were clinging to their old college sports team to meet girls way too young for them. And if anyone causes trouble they’re kicked out.
So I threw a party and put in the invite text that this was a college party for the current team members, and you could bring a partner or friend.
But if you wanted to invite more than one person or someone not from our school to please clear it with me first.
It was super clear in the invites that this was a college party for college students. And on the day of, I get a knock on my door and it’s this guy who has been out of college for years.
I tell him this is a college party for (redacted) State University students only, and he says he is an alumnus and did fencing. I tell him I’ve been in the club for 3 years and he hasn’t been at one practice. He said he graduated the year before that.
I ask him his age and he says 26. I’m getting frustrated so I yell ‘This is a COLLEGE party. You are 26.’ And tell him to leave.
A couple of guys on the team felt like I was unfair because he’d always been invited to parties in the past years when a few guys who have since graduated hosted. I was like ‘Well just because someone else invited him to their party didn’t mean I invited him to mine.
Like why’s he coming to my house if someone else invited him to some other party?’
They said that these were generally open house parties and it was the norm that alumni are invited. I got irritated and said maybe alumnus need to not annoy the ‘fresh meat’ lest the ‘fresh meat’ grows up and tells them to get lost.
I feel kinda conflicted because on one hand… I didn’t invite this guy or want him around. But on the other, I did pick up the tradition of hosting club parties and changed the rules just because I’m the host now.
AITJ for kicking this alumnus out when he tried to come to my college party?”
20. WIBTJ If I Want To Move Out Despite My Family's Financial Status?
“I am 24 years old, the oldest of 5 brothers and sisters. We live with my mom and several pets (2 cats, 3 dogs). My family always had financial difficulties, despite having a high income in the past due to my father. He was abusive and left home 7 months ago (occasionally sends money) because of a heated argument I had with him.
My youngest brother is 17 years old, and excluding him, I and my other 3 siblings now work stable jobs (we live in a country where income is really low). My mother doesn’t work.
We are going to be kicked out soon of the house we are renting (maybe 3 to 6 months from now), because my parents made the decision to just not pay rent like 3 years ago, because of lots of issues the apartment is having (no hot water, stuff breaking or falling apart, and other things).
The landlord has of course sued us and my parents have a big debt with him now (Thankfully, debt is not inheritable in my country). I guess we weren’t kicked out before because justice is painfully slow here.
When we get kicked out, we will most probably go live with my grandmother, who has a 3-room house (her property), since we cannot afford a spacious apartment like this (with 6 rooms), even if we combine all our incomes together.
(Did the math, and it’s just not possible/feasible).
I am very probably getting an important raise at work in a couple of months. I am telling my family I plan on moving out when I can afford it, and they tell me I am being selfish and would make them even poorer.
They say I have to wait until ‘things get better’. The thing is, my mother hasn’t worked in 20 years, and since I was 11 years old, we got kicked out of 2 houses already. The situation and financial decisions of my parents will not likely change.
Also, I just can’t see a future when we all make so much money that we can live together in each of our own rooms, even with my pay raise.
Even if we could do that, what if one of us suddenly wants to move alone to another city or country? That person will not be able to, since we would be depending on their income to sustain ourselves.
I will always financially support my family in the amount I can afford to, but I want to be independent since a long time ago.
Even though I don’t have a terrible relationship with my mother and siblings, I want my own place to be able to focus on the studies/projects I want to do. I wish to be fully responsible for my own living, and not depend on anyone else.
I want to have a place to invite people over, do as I wish, and just don’t have other people around all the time, since I am more comfortable alone. I dream about moving out a lot, I think it will improve my life and mental health positively (I had problems in the past).
Do you think I am being a selfish jerk?”
19. AITJ For Not Showing Up At A Family Event For My Wife?
“My wife is pregnant, she suffers from depression and is on medication but she still has some off days and the baby is really taking a toll on her.
I and my family have a get-together every Wednesday which usually my wife likes going to but when you are feeling bleh the last thing you wanna do is be around a bunch of people.
Last week I took note of her being at a roadblock and just clouded. She’s very very tired and you can just see when someone’s drained and I know she is.
She’s a neat freak and she’s been leaving things around.
Leaving her work desk unorganized. She actually wakes up later than me, none of these I mind. Really I prefer it because then I know when things are heading south as she has a hard time communicating her feelings.
I told my family I might not make it LAST week.
Throughout the week she was still clearly mentally drained and tired after all of my attempts to uplift her spirits.
I don’t want to berate her with a bunch of people being all touchy and high energy, then her being forced to put on a smile because she would, and then after that, she’ll be exhausted mentally and physically and I just saw this going bad quick.
Yesterday was the day of the cookout and I was going to go after work and pick up my wife but I came back home to my wife still In the same spot I saw her this morning, sleeping. I saw a very big red flag here as staying in bed all day is something she doesn’t like very much and hates when I do it myself.
I messaged my family saying I wasn’t going to make it but I’ll try to be there next Wednesday
I decided to just join my wife in bed, cuddle silently, and just offer silent emotional support and company, and we really did nothing but watch movies and shower until the next morning.
Which to mine and her delight she was out of bed before me and back to her regular routine. I’m glad some downtime gave her some encouragement but I opened my phone to multiple missed calls voicemails and messages from my family.
I mean really text after text call after call asking why I wasn’t there.
(I told them I probably wasn’t coming a week before then assured it before it started) I called my mom and she was literally yelling at me asking why I wasn’t there to which I explain the situation and she just replied that’s not an excuse to not come see your family.
I come EVERY weekend. My dad said that I was incredibly rude for not showing up and I could have left my wife.
I know a lot of people struggle with depression, while I don’t have it myself, I try to understand from my wife’s perspective as best as possible.
And I feel like as a husband I did the right thing.
I’m honest to god confused as to how I did something wrong here. Am I missing something?”
18. AITJ For Filing A Noise Complaint Against My Neighbors?
“Last night my wife and I called a non-emergency line to file a noise complaint against our neighbors.
Usually, we would never do something like that at all, but this seems like a different circumstance.
They’ve keyed our car and thrown a bunch of trash in our yard, we haven’t spoken to them yet, and don’t know what to do, we don’t want them getting evicted over this because they have kids but reporting them would definitely make that happen
We’ve had problems with them before. There were two parties just as loud as this in the two to three-month span that we’ve lived here, but we never called anyone because they stopped at a decent time. They greeted us when we first moved here very nicely but started intentionally taking parking nearest to our door or running inside when they saw us once they found out we were a gay couple
WE DIDN’T ASK THEM TO STOP FIRST because they had been drinking, and it sounded like a fight had broken out that night, and we were worried about violence or a fight starting.
We couldn’t go to the office because it wasn’t open, we waited for a while in the hopes that they would stop around the time they usually do (10 pm or 11 pm)
They started listening to VERY loud music, we live in a duplex and share a wall and can hear every single word. We didn’t care when they started at six in the evening, but it went till one in the morning and was getting to the point where our kid couldn’t sleep, and our animals were starting to act up.
It was one in the morning, it had been non-stop from six in the evening, we get it, it’s fun, whatever, but one in the morning? After 7 hours it’s pretty reasonable to ask someone to stop. Our baby wasn’t sleeping, and it was time to turn it down.
We call the noise complaint and they come over and ask them to turn it down. They maliciously comply, turn it off all the way, and have all their friends leave. Their choice, they just needed to turn it down a little, not completely off.
They were being childish.
Well, the next day I and my wife pull up to our house and get out of the car. The neighbor’s kid says hi to us, and her mom says ‘Don’t talk to them. They’re snitches,’ then goes in the house, faces her speakers towards our wall, and starts blasting music again.
Like girl, we don’t care, you’re not breaking a law at 3:00 in the afternoon, we don’t care. She’s obviously trying to start drama over what could’ve just been her turning it down a few notches. Asking for slightly less noise at 1 in the morning is not only fine but legal.
So now that she’s blaring music every time we come home, intentionally, we’re not gonna call the cops, we’re just gonna report her to the landlord, cause she’s breaking a lease agreement we all had to sign. But I’m wondering if it’s the right choice, we don’t want conflict, we don’t even care about the noise as long as it’s during the day or evening, but I’m conflicted.”
17. AITJ For What I Said To My Mom Before I Leave?
“Last year my (18 m) mom got a new partner. She has him wrapped around her thumb. He doesn’t live with us, but when he comes over, he thinks he can order me around. My mom tells him lies about me, and he lectures me for at least an hour without listening to my side of the story.
Yesterday when I came home from school and he was at the house. He lectured me for the usual hour about helping out around the house because he said and I quote, ‘Your mom told me that you do nothing around the house. YOU need to pull up your socks and help her out.
This is unfair to her.’ Then he did a complete 180 and started saying that it was his fault that I’m so incompetent. He even said he wishes he met my mom earlier so he could teach me how to be a man. Before he finished his rant, I went to my room and locked the door.
A little later, my mom got home from work. (Her partner had gone home by this point). I was outside with my cat, and my mom started to scream at the top of her lungs at me for disrespecting her partner like I did. And frankly, I had enough.
She yells, screams, and swears at me basically every other day for stupid stuff (like me leaving the light in my room on for 2 minutes while I go to the bathroom), and I’ve put up with it, but I can’t deal with it anymore. I stood up and went inside.
I called my uncle and explained my situation and asked if the cat and I could stay with him until I got on my feet. He thankfully agreed to let me stay. So, I started packing and loading everything into my car.
My mom saw me and demanded to know what I was doing, and I said, ‘Mom, I’m moving out.’ Then she demanded to know where I was going.
Here’s where I may be the jerk. I was done with her yelling and screaming at me, and I didn’t want her to come to my uncle’s house and scream at me, so I said, ‘It’s none of your business. Screw you, and get lost.’ Then I made sure I got everything of mine and the cats.
After that, I got in my car and drove away.
Now, at my uncle’s house, my mom and her partner are blowing up my phone with calls and text messages. My dad even called and called me a jerk for leaving like I did and saying what I said.
So now I’m here. AITJ for telling my mom to get lost and leaving?”
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Go On A Trip When I'm About To Give Birth?
“My husband (27) has been planning a trip for about 4 years with some close friends the trip kept being postponed due to some of his friends having family deaths, financial issues, and unfortunate world events.
My husband is finally gonna be able to leave within 2 months, the issue I (21) have with that is I’m pregnant and he is leaving near my due date, this is my first child and I don’t want to go through childbirth alone.
I don’t have family other than my husband, my dad died and my mom is mentally ill.
I just want his support throughout the process, But he’s making me feel really bad for asking him to postpone just the trip so he can be here for his daughter and me.
He told me that it’s honestly not that big of a deal, he said when he was at the hospital for his son from a previous relationship that the birth only took an hour and that the nurse was very supportive.
I also don’t want to care for his son after I come home from the hospital alone he plans on being away for a month and has sole custody, his son goes to his mom’s every other weekend but that’s all sometime his mom won’t even show up.
He hasn’t made any plans on where his son gonna go after I come home from the hospital. His sister agreed to take him while I’m in the hospital but she can’t do any longer as she has a full-time job and doesn’t want to take too much time off work.
He told me I’ll be able to handle everything by myself and begged to drop the issue because he had been planning this for so long and he was really excited to go. He even offered to pay me for all the hardships and told me women take care of children after coming home from the hospital all the time.
I do understand that this wasn’t exactly planned and I feel awful about the whole situation a huge part of me wants to just drop the issue and find a way to deal with everything by myself. I mean his friends are calling me a wet blanket, I don’t want to be a wet blanket and spoil everyone’s fun.
Am I the jerk here?”
15. AITJ For Giving My Wife A Gift That's Better Than Her Cousin's?
“I and my wife have been living together for 5 years.
I am 30 years old and she is 29.
My wife’s best friend (and only friend) is her cousin and she really enjoys her time with her. But for many months I’ve noticed that her cousin doesn’t actually like my wife, but is using her for her needs.
I told my wife, but she said she had always been like that and not to worry about it. I was still convinced that she still hates me and my wife, but I ignored it.
2 weeks ago, my wife and her cousin got into a contest where the winner gets a drawing tablet (yea it was a drawing contest).
One day before the contest’s deadline, I asked my wife to show me the drawing and she said she didn’t do it. I spent around 10 minutes asking her what happened till she finally broke down and told me her cousin had been insulting her, telling her if she wins she will never talk to her again and that she really needed this drawing tablet.
I spent the night calming my wife down and cheering her up until she felt better, but she said she doesn’t want to participate anymore. I took the next day off to go out with my wife outside to get her to forget what happened.
Yesterday, the results were announced. Surprisingly, her cousin won. The whole day yesterday and morning today, her cousin spent it talking to my wife about how she is better than her at drawing and rubbing the prize in her face, almost like how an 8-year-old would act.
But the thing that my wife didn’t know, when she told me yesterday her cousin won, today after work I bought her a drawing tablet as a gift that is better than what her cousin got and told her to rub it in her cousin’s face, and she did that.
Her whole family, sadly including my wife’s parents and siblings, called me and my wife and called us jerks and my wife doesn’t deserve the gift and I shouldn’t have given this to her because she didn’t win the contest. My wife started crying again, understandably, because even her parents aren’t supporting her.
She is sleeping right now and I can’t sleep because of what happened today. I just wanted to make my wife happy.
AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Dad's Commitment Ceremony With His Partner?
“I’m (20 F) working at a grocery store and will be starting my last year of college in August. I’m also the student supervisor at my school’s coffee shop.
In 2019, my mom (51 F) my brother (18 M), and I found out that my father (50 M) had multiple affairs for 8+ years. My parents divorced, but before they were legally divorced my father started going out with his partner (late 40s F).
Recently, he told me and my brother that he wanted to do a commitment ceremony with her and that we’d be coming to be with them and her kids because it’s important to him that the family be there.
The problem: they’re doing the ceremony in Hawaii. They want to fly us out on August 10th and back either on the 12th or the 13th. At the time my mom and I were talking about having me fly out to visit her in Tennessee before I have to go back to school on August 29th, my first day of school.
That same week I’ll be starting my school job as well as looking for a second job to support myself and my cat. Before even taking into consideration the fact that I’d have to travel to Hawaii for my father’s demands, I’d already be taking 1.5 weeks off work to make sure that I have enough time to do everything.
I said that to my father and he promised me the funds to cover for taking the time off. I tell him I can easily make up the money that I wouldn’t have earned during that time but that it would be harder to make up for the professionalism.
My brother backed me up but he just angrily got off the phone and threatened that if I didn’t come that I would be burning bridges.
He called me again later, refuted every one of my ‘concerns’ and told me that I need to ‘make this a priority’ and come to the ceremony.
I finally pointed out that this isn’t a wedding, which would be a more significant event, and reiterated my reasons for not going.
A commitment ceremony has no legal significance, which makes me think that the reason they aren’t getting married is because his partner gets a huge alimony from her ex.
My father said that I was being a dishonorable child and disrespecting him according to the Bible (he hasn’t gone to church in over 2 years), to which I respond that the Bible also calls for parents not to aggravate their children (he’d been arguing and blaming my mom for the affairs and the divorce for 15+ minutes at that point, so I was already in tears).
He lost his mind, yelled at me even more tried to threaten me with losing financial support, as well as weaponizing my brother to convince me to go, to which I said no. The last thing he said to me was ‘Good luck at my union job and finishing at a JC or getting a really good loan.’
Now I’m a week into being no-contact with him, have my own car/insurance and phone plan, but I’m questioning if I could’ve handled it better. Maybe it’s trauma or years of mistreatment talking. All of this has left me hurt and questioning whether or not I was in the right.
So, AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Not Hiding My Husband's Sketches?
“My (28 F) husband John (32 M) sketches as a hobby (and he’s very good!). Not too long ago, we were watching Titanic and he was ‘inspired’, LOL, so he did a sketch of me without clothes. It’s just my top half and my arms were draped across my chest, but obviously, you can tell what kind of drawing it is.
It was on a table in our bedroom, in a stack of other (non-NSFW) sketches.
My aunt flew in from San Diego to visit my mom, and I invited her to our house for dinner last night. She came with her 9-year-old daughter Hayley. Me and John were talking to my aunt after dessert and Hayley wandered into our bedroom and found the sketches on the table (which had the sketch in it), which she brought back to the living room.
I tried to take it back from her but she went leafing through it and saw the drawing.
My aunt started screaming, saying we were ‘exposing’ her daughter to these types of pictures and we should be ashamed of ourselves. John told her that Hayley went into our private bedroom and took his private drawings, to which Aunt replied that she was just a kid and she was interested in drawing and wanted to see them.
She then said we should’ve kept the drawings hidden somewhere knowing there were guests in the house, instead of ‘displaying my body’ for everyone.
I told her I was ‘displaying my body’ for my husband, and if she and her kid has such an issue they’re free to leave.
She and Hayley left in a huff, and I and John didn’t think much of it, but my mom messaged me this afternoon saying what we did was extremely rude and we shouldn’t have kicked her out. I did tell her Hayley went looking at John’s sketches, but she said we were too harsh and disrespected my aunt by keeping such drawings out.
AITJ? Was I being too harsh on her by telling her to leave?”
12. AITJ For Not Wanting My Daughter's Photo On Social Media?
“I (F 28) have a three-year-old daughter. One of my best friends, who used to have a private social media account, used to post a lot of cute pictures of her daughter. It turned out that someone was screenshotting them and using them without my friend’s permission.
That’s why I’ve always been wary of social media and never post any pictures of my daughter.
My SIL (let’s call her Marie is very popular on Instagram, with about 25,000 followers. She got married to my brother last week, and the wedding was a huge deal for her account as well, as she had been posting a countdown which got a lot of engagement.
I knew for a fact that she was publicly going to post pictures from her wedding (it had a special aesthetic and color theme), so when we were taking a family photo, I didn’t take my daughter to the stage with me. Marie asked me why and I said that I didn’t want my daughter’s picture to be on a public platform.
Now, I don’t know if she perfectly understood what I had said, but she said that everyone from the family should be in the picture and that I shouldn’t worry about my daughter’s privacy. I took it as Marie assuring me that she wasn’t going to post this picture publicly, and so I took my daughter in for the picture too.
Today, she posted her wedding pictures on social media, and the family photo is the first picture you can see when you open her account. It already had many views and over 5,000 likes within a really short span of time. I called Marie and asked her why she posted those pictures despite assuring me she wouldn’t.
She told me that she didn’t know what I meant and thought that it was understood that this wedding wasn’t going to be private. I asked her to either take the first picture (the one with my daughter) down or blur out her face to protect her privacy.
Marie said that she can’t delete and re-post it again as it has already garnered many views and she has painstakingly made an entire grid out of it.
I am currently mad at her for doing this, but my brother texted me saying that I’m overreacting and that no one will pay attention to my daughter.
I told him that I had specifically told Marie that I didn’t want my daughter’s pictures out publicly like this, but my brother says that I must have misunderstood as his wife denies any such interaction. AITJ?
ETA: There are only 6 people in the family photo, and my daughter is standing in front of the bride, so she is clearly noticeable in the center.”
11. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom And Calling Her Jealous Of My Wife And I's Relationship?
“My wife (23 F) is pregnant. The pregnancy has been hard on her. She is really nauseous and has trouble keeping food down. Her b***d pressure is also not quite high enough for preeclampsia, but still too high. So she’s mostly been resting and eating soup and drinking milkshakes.
For this reason, I’ve needed to spend every moment I’m not working either taking care of her or taking care of the house.
My friend invited me on a really great three-day trip, and initially, I turned him down. However, my wife said we should try to find someone or a few someones who could come over and help so I could go.
I asked a few people, including my mom. My mom agreed to come over and check on my wife, cook for her, and tidy a bit the three days I am gone. I thanked her and promised to do something really nice for her when I get back.
I said I’d start by taking her to her favorite restaurant.
Well, I did get back today. The house was a mess and my wife looked exhausted. She said my mom didn’t do anything except bring a casserole over (which my wife couldn’t eat) every day and take out the trash (mostly consisting of her uneaten casserole).
I was really mad and hurt. After I got the house in order and my wife was resting I called my mom to express my hurt.
My mom said she brought food and helped tidy but a grown woman shouldn’t need everything done for her.
She said I was being paternalistic. She told me my wife and I need to grow up. I got mad and asked why she agreed to help instead of letting me find someone else or skip the trip. She said she did help, but she isn’t a babysitter.
We went back and forth and I ended up calling her lazy and saying she was jealous that my wife and I actually care about each other unlike her and my dad. She told me to screw myself.
Was I a jerk for expecting her to do more?”
10. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Sister-In-Law Go Through Postpartum Depression?
“I gave birth to my beautiful son 5 years ago. All through the pregnancy I was so excited for him and our future as a family.
Part of me didn’t think my life could get better. Then near the end, I started to feel off and after he was born I hit rock bottom. My childhood had a lot to do with it, I believe.
My mother died when I was an infant and I was passed around various people throughout my childhood.
I was unwanted, called a burden, and left out of families that I stayed with, some of them being blood-related to me. Bad things happened. I was left with a lot of trauma. I think having my son and having post-partum depression and post-partum anxiety triggered a lot of this, and made everything worse.
I felt like I couldn’t be a good mom, having never had a good parent/parent figure in my life. I was also worried I would die and make my family fall apart.
There were times I was SO sure my son was sick when he wasn’t.
I was having daily panic attacks that could last what felt like hours. I wasn’t looking after myself and I was so afraid. Some days I didn’t get out of bed. My husband was so worried. It took him literally carrying me into the hospital while I was in a catatonic state and demanding they help me.
Before that had happened his sister was always calling around when he was at work, and would tell me to ‘snap out of it’ or ‘grow up’ or ‘woman up’. She told me I was a failure and that my son would be better off with anyone other than me as a mom.
A few times she went right into my face and just yelled at me. Nothing could stop her. Until my husband came home one day and found her verbally targeting me.
I’m doing much better but our son will be an only child because I can’t risk that again.
We no longer have anything to do with SIL.
She just had her first child and was diagnosed with postpartum depression. Nobody in the family with the exception of me, has suffered from it. Everyone expects me to help her, except my husband. They have said she needs me, she needs someone who gets it, who cares about her, someone she can rely on.
I told them I was not that person which they didn’t like. My husband told them SIL could battle it out alone like I had to when she was bullying me. I said I agreed with my husband and that SIL doesn’t deserve my support given everything.
They all think I’m a jerk and that I should be more compassionate than she was at the time.
AITJ?”
9. AITJ For How I Said My Wedding Toast At My Friend's Wedding?
“I (26 F) have this old friend (28 M) that I would consider my best friend. He got married last week to a girl (25 F) he had been together for 3 years.
They’re an awful couple, broke up, and got together a lot, super toxic. They’re the perfect combo to accentuate the worst parts of each other. She’s insecure, and manipulative and doesn’t take any responsibility for her feelings, he doesn’t give her reassurance, bottles up his feelings, and then blows up at her.
His friend group was getting tired of the constant fights that ruined almost every outing we had. They broke up a few times, but she has mental health issues and would get really bad (she implied there was a risk to her health), and he can’t establish boundaries with anyone, so they would keep talking and eventually he would take her back.
So it was a pretty big surprise when they announced they were engaged. Our friend group expressed our worries in a very gentle way, but he said he was sure. I insisted a bit more, but I didn’t wanna push it too much cause I didn’t want any of them to think I was doing it out of ill intentions.
He said he was in love and that’s what matters the most.
The wedding went as expected (they fought, but we got everything ready in time). I was one of the best men at the wedding (notes: I wasn’t the only girl as best man, and we were best men and not best women cause the bride felt that was disrespectful), so I gave a speech after dinner.
During my speech, I talked about love and relationships. My main points were that love makes us want to be the better version of ourselves for our partner, that love can be scary, cause we care for the other as if it was an extension of us, and that the best part of love is that it’s quiet: it’s not always easy, but it provides a place of rest from the problems of the world since the world can’t be reasoned with, but in our squabbles with someone we love, we both strive towards understanding and so love provides rest. The bride sent me a text after the wedding saying I was passive-aggressive and ruined the wedding and I had to be the center of attention and accusing me of being jealous of her.
In my defense, I never indicated in any way shape, or form that I didn’t believe that they didn’t fit in that definition of love, and no one in that wedding except the 9/10 people that know how their relationship is really like picked up on it.
I think that if the shoe fits, wear it.
I think I might be the jerk because even though when I started writing the speech, I was genuinely just thinking about what love is when I decided to read it at the wedding, I knew what I was doing, and I knew that it might upset them (I say might cause sometimes the bride seems to genuinely believe there is nothing wrong with their relationship).”
8. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Stop Letting His Mother Micromanage His Finances?
“I (27 F) have been married to my husband for two years now. We have no children as of now and aren’t planning to have any but have a lot of financial responsibility as any couple would.
My husband is terrible at managing his finances, he constantly buys stuff that he doesn’t need or spends a lot on smoke.
This has put a financial burden on me. We agreed 50/50 on bills, but it’s been feeling 20/70 for a while now.
Recently my hours have been cut at work and I have been bringing in less than I normally would. I told my husband that he had to limit his spending for quite some time until my hours pick up again.
He agreed and I thought everything would be smooth. Prior to paying this month’s bills I went into our bank account and noticed it wouldn’t be enough to cover this month’s bills, and I would most likely have to dip into my savings to cover the bills.
This hasn’t been the first time this has happened, but he assured me he wouldn’t overspend, so I was confident this wasn’t going to happen.
His mother manages his money so I was furious when I saw a withdraw of around $400. I waited for him to come home and I confronted him.
He said his mother told him he can do what he wants with his money and he would have enough to cover rent this month along with some other bills even if he spent the $400 and that he spent that money on ordering pieces for his car.
I LOST IT. I told him he needs to grow up and stop letting his mother micromanage his finances like he’s a teenager, I think this is where I’m the jerk, kept going and said he needs to take his mother’s breast out his mouth and cut the umbilical cord and put his big boy pants on and learn to take care of himself.
The look on his face said it all and he went to his mother’s house. He texted me saying I’m a jerk and that he isn’t coming home until I apologize to him for what I said, but I don’t think I owe him an apology.
We have bills to pay and our own mouths to feed and he’s being reckless.
So AITJ?”
7. AITJ For Not Obligating My Son To Show Affection To His Grandparents?
“I (28 f) have a 10-year-old son called EJ. He really is the light of my life, and I love being his parent. It’s been the two of us on our own for a while now, but I adore my tiny family.
I got pregnant at 17, and my parents basically kicked me out, so I had to stay with a friend for a while, but I eventually got on my feet and managed to get my life together for the sake of my son and myself.
I started talking to my parents again about four years ago.
They apologized for the way they reacted, and wanted to know if they could come back into my life. I very cautiously agreed, and really only formally introduced them to my son two years ago. They send him cards on holidays and call every now and again, but they don’t usually visit in person because I live so far from them.
They decided to fly up here to come stay with us for a few days. I went to pick them up from the airport, and we managed to get to the house after my son had gotten off the bus & was already upstairs doing his homework.
My parents wanted to go up to see him, but EJ usually likes to decompress after a long day of being around other people, and I knew that if he was up in his room, he probably needed a minute to himself, so I told them to wait until he came down on his own.
They didn’t like that, but they let it go and put their bags in the guest room.
About 30 mins later, EJ came down. We were in the kitchen talking while I cooked. My mom opened her arms to hug him, but he just waved instead while saying hello to her and my dad.
He fist-bumped me, grabbed a snack, and went back upstairs after I told him I’d have dinner ready soon.
My parents waited until he was gone to tell me how rude that was of him to first deny his grandmother a hug, and then to run back upstairs instead of engaging in a conversation.
I told them that he didn’t have to hug anyone and that he’d talk to them during dinner.
My mom insisted that she wasn’t just anyone, she was his grandmother, and she was at the very least owed a hug + a conversation. I repeated myself and said that he doesn’t ‘owe’ her anything.
No one does. My father told me that I was being disrespectful (as was my son), then he and my mom grabbed their bags and left for a hotel.
It’s been a full day since then and they’re still upset but don’t think I should make EJ apologize for not wanting to hug someone, nor do I think I should apologize for teaching him that it’s okay to draw that boundary.
I talked to a friend about it though and she thinks that I could have asked him to******* up this once to avoid any issues with my mom and dad, because to them it did seem rude, or I could have been a little more gentle in explaining it to them.
I do feel a little bad about it so I just want to know if I really was jerk here or not.”
6. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To Be One Of The "Bridespeople" At My Father's Wedding?
“My dad is getting married in a few months. This will be his third marriage. And my mom died a year ago. I’m 16 and struggling with this decision. He and his fiancee both have kids and want to ‘swap’ kids for the day. So her kids would be his groomspeople and me and my siblings (they’re from my dad’s second marriage) would be her bridespeople (I can’t say we’d all be bridesmaids since I have brothers).
They already had the discussion with all the kids. They’re all on board. But I’m not. I’d rather stand with my dad. I voiced this. He said it’s a way to symbolize us becoming a family and gaining a new parent/children for each of us.
Only I do not see his fiancee as a parent and I don’t love her or want her to be my new mom. Even my former stepmom, who was in my life from the age of 3, was just a really good person who was there for me.
She never tried to be something else. That’s what I loved her for. But I can already tell my dad’s fiancee has the image of us calling her mom and her kids calling him dad once the rings are on the finger. She has already brought up how she expects I will be the same with all the kids and not show any favoritism for my half-siblings.
I can tell my dad is upset that I haven’t said yes yet. And I know she’s really not happy with me being the dissenting voice in all this. I don’t really have anyone else I can turn to for help. My mom’s dead. My former stepmom and dad are not able to talk.
My dad’s parents would side with them. My mom’s parents are somewhat of a threat in his fiancee’s eyes and I suspect it could cause more tension. I can already say with certainty that my aunt might end up on my dad’s fiancee’s crap list. She was my mom’s best friend and she got along with his second wife.
WIBTJ if I say no?
I feel bad about hurting my dad’s feelings but I don’t want to stand with her and spend the whole morning with her. I don’t accept her as my new mom or as my new parent. She’s going to be my dad’s wife and even at that level I don’t care very much for her.”
5. AITJ For Telling My Partner There's No Room For Her Daughter At Our House?
“I have been with my partner for almost 2 years. I am 38 weeks pregnant. My partner has a daughter from a previous relationship. He had her young, & my partner has full custody of her.
They mostly always lived with his parents, & his daughter never had her own room so she never slept alone. She’s almost 8 years old now.
Now, we have a 2-bed apartment. It started out great, but when we’re both working late, she stays with his parents.
He asked to have her sleep in the spare room to keep her in the habit of sleeping alone. We found out after a month of sleepovers that they only said she was sleeping alone, but she wasn’t. She was sleeping in his parents’ bed. We found out because when she would sleep here after a few nights of sleeping there, she cried to go back to my partner’s parents.
She said that she still sleeps in her grandparents’ bed. We had specifically asked to have her sleep alone so this wouldn’t happen. It makes it harder on us and his parents didn’t seem to care. It’s gotten to the point where she sleeps here MAYBE once a week if even that.
Even when we’re home early, she doesn’t come home to sleep. So essentially, we’re paying for a second bedroom (in a NICE complex) for it to not be used bc she doesn’t want it.
So last night I suggested to my partner that we should put the baby’s things in his daughter’s room.
We’re struggling to fit 3 humans into one bedroom, when there’s a whole bedroom that’s not being used. He put together the crib and such, but I’M the one that’s organizing and struggling to find room for everything.
A newborn requires a LOT of things.
I’ve even had to give up the space where my clothes go, everything’s in fabric bins.
My partner didn’t have to readjust anything of his. He said no, that he doesn’t want his daughter to feel like we don’t want her here.
I argued that she doesn’t even want to be here herself, that she stays there because they don’t respect the rules we have set for her so she’s choosing there over being here. Then I said she might as well live over there.
My partner looked really upset. Like he didn’t know what to say but deep down he knew I was right. He said he would talk to his parents & to his daughter & things would change. But I know they won’t.
We put a pin in the conversation but I know it’s going to come up again because there simply just isn’t enough room in our bedroom for all of a baby’s items. I just don’t know what to do or say anymore.
It’s such a frustrating situation. But am I the jerk for suggesting something that’s basically already happening?”
4. AITJ For Yelling At My Husband In Front Of Guests?
“We had previously agreed that my husband and his family were taking care of everything. I didnt want to host because i always end up doing everything.
The 4th: Because I have spent my time taking care of things for the party, I haven’t really been taking care of the baby.
At this point, she hasn’t taken her nap and she is cranky and hungry. I don’t know what my husband was doing during this time but he wasn’t helping with the kids. He might have been cleaning up the backyard, but I’m not sure because, by the time the first guests show up (his brother and his partner), he hasn’t even started the grill.
So I put the baby down and start prepping the food for the grill. I am doing everything I said I didn’t want to do.
Fast forward: about 2 hrs into it, I ask my husband to take the trash out. The bin was full and guests don’t have anywhere to put the trash.
He does it, annoyed that I interrupted his good time. While I am still in the kitchen warming up buns and whatnot.
The foam cooler is leaking. There is water all over the kitchen floor. I start cleaning it up and ask my husband to move the coolers somewhere else.
His solution was to put a baking sheet under the cooler to catch the water. I express my concern that eventually, it will overfill and we’ll have another mess to clean up. He ends up leaving the cooler on the baking sheet. I ask him again if he could move the coolers somewhere else.
He literally moves the foam cooler 2 feet over right into a high-traffic area.
I take a deep breath and say ‘What I meant was if you could find a spot for them, they are in the way’.
Him: I already moved it
Me: can you find another spot for them, they are in the way
Him: NO! I ALREADY MOVED IT. I’M NOT GONNA DO WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO.
Me: THEN I’M DONE! IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING TELL EVERYONE TO LEAVE. I’M NOT DOING THIS.
We start arguing and my MIL comes over to try to smooth things over.
She’s worried about the company we have over. Saying ‘Be quiet you have company over’. I tell her that I don’t care, I’m done. Then she starts telling me to SHUT UP because we have people over and I just keep repeating that I don’t care.
My BIL and my husband’s friend come over and start grabbing the coolers and moving them. My MIL leaves, angry. I grab the baby and take her to the room to put her down for a nap.
My MIL calls me after she leaves to yell at me over the phone and gaslight me about what happened.
Later, he was kinda acting weird/like nothing happened. Today he is acting weird/like nothing happened.
So AITJ? Should I have let him and his mom walk all over me instead? MIL and SIL forced us to host after we said no.”
3. AITJ For Being Mad At My Brother For Not Allowing Our Sister's Partner To Come To His Wedding?
“When my sister got married 10 years ago she had a rule that only the wives or husbands of guests could come along.
Not just significant others or other random persons. At that time my brother was in a civil relationship with his partner of 16 years but since they were not married my brother wasn’t allowed to bring him to the wedding. I have heard this saying in English ‘No ring then no bring’.
This is what happened with my brother. He ended up not going to the wedding since he could not attend with his partner and there were many hurt feelings for years to come.
My brother and his partner are getting married very soon because of the referendum last year.
They are together for 26 years now. Our sister is divorced from her husband but she has a SO of almost two years and they have a son. My brother and his partner have invited our sister and my nephew but not her SO because they are not married and they say they have the same rule as he had two years ago.
My sister is very angry about this.
I called my brother a hypocrite. He was so upset about my sister not allowing his partner to come to her wedding before and he knows how it feels yet he is doing the same thing here. He told me if I don’t like it I am welcome to forget attending.
But it is not for discussion. I am saying he needs to be a bigger person. He is being a hypocrite now and I say he is just as bad as our sister was. Was I the jerk for calling him a hypocrite even though he refuses to have a discussion on it?
My brother is 44 years. I am 40 years. Our sister is 39 years.”
2. AITJ For Insisting My Son To Invite His Brother To His Wedding?
“I (56 F) met Jeff (58 M), my now-husband, around 30 years ago. We both had sons from previous relationships (Julio 32 M, Jeff’s son, and Roger 31 M, my son) we also have a daughter (27 F).
We’ve always been a regular blended family, my husband treated all our kids equally so did I, Roger calls Jeff ‘dad’ and Julio calls me ‘mom’, as the boys met when they were really young, and they always got along well and they even didn’t see each other as stepbrothers but brothers.
This all changed about 10 years ago, the thing is that Roger had a significant other who had an affair with Julio, and they had a huge argument, Roger ended up moving in with his biological dad and basically disowned Julio, He never talked to Julio again, when Roger came to visit, he made sure Julio wasn’t here, no matter how hard Julio and his SO tried to apologize, my son never accepted the apologies.
Julio ended up marrying her 5 years ago and they have a daughter. To show Julio that there are consequences for his actions so we (my husband and I) banned his wife from our house, Julio understood.
A year ago, my son came out and introduced us to his fiancé, we welcomed him and let him know we love him to the stars and back, he is going to get married in a couple of weeks but he hasn’t invited Julio, Julio was sad when he found out that his brother was getting married and didn’t invite him (Julio invited Roger to his wedding).
I think that since he was actually gay all this time and never really liked the girl, it wasn’t a big deal, and also because it happened 10 years ago, he should get over it and enjoy the family and niece he has.
We met at a café 3 days ago to talk about the wedding thus I asked him if he changed his mind about inviting his brother, he said no so I told him to get over himself since that happened 10 years ago, and he’s only missing a loving brother and a niece.
He told me it wasn’t my business to say who he can invite or not, he also said that I can attend but I will no longer walk him down, and he asked his dad and my husband instead, which makes me furious since this is my child and my right to walk him down on his special day.
My husband accepted (a jerk move if you ask me) and said I was a jerk for forcing things but I’m not, I just want my son to forgive his brother and welcome this new chapter of his life with positive vibes instead of resentment.
He didn’t even like the girl so it’s not a big deal.
Now everyone calls me a jerk even my daughter. So am I really a jerk or are they just overreacting?”
1. AITJ For Deleting My Partner's Schedule?
“My (25 f) partner (23 m) has his whole month planned out ahead of time, down to the hours of each day, and sticks to it pretty strictly. When I first learned about it when we started going out a year ago, he told me it was just because he had memory issues and gets anxious when he forgets to do things and I thought it was super charming then.
Now? Not so much. It’s so annoying that he takes his scheduling and routines so seriously, he won’t make time for when I want or feel like having time together. I honestly don’t have a problem with Will keeping track of stuff like waking up, taking meds, going to work or appointments, etc. but when I say he has everything scheduled I mean he has EVERYTHING scheduled. Brushing his teeth, eating every meal, when to watch tv, game, having free time, and even going to bed – almost all of that is followed strictly.
He will occasionally get snappy and anxious if one task is taking too long and is ‘at risk’ of overlapping with another. Or if he forgot to write a task down.
And before you ask, YES even spending time together and having intimate time is on a schedule most of the time.
Do you know what it’s like to want to bone and your partner says, ‘Sorry you should have asked me earlier’?
I had had it with all the scheduling when he decided going to bed on time is more important than spending some time with me.
I knew the next day he didn’t have any actual plans (nothing serious that needed to be scheduled anyways), so I grabbed his phone while he was sleeping and deleted the whole schedule for the day before going to sleep myself.
The next morning, we had gotten up and everything seemed fine so far.
My partner went to go do normal stuff like brushing his teeth, eating, and taking meds. I guess he realized he hadn’t scheduled tv time but needed to check to make sure, so he pulled his phone out and went to check his schedule.
I had been watching from the kitchen and was feeling pretty smug until he went from looking confused to panicked. He got up and went over to me, angry and on the brink of tears.
At first, I denied deleting his schedule but I started to feel bad when he got more erratic and cried so I admitted it. That helped a little but he was still crying angry tears and stormed out to our room where he either called or texted his sister and she showed up.
I thought she was just going to come to talk him down from being mad since she had joked with me about how annoying the schedule stuff was but instead, she came in and chewed out, calling me ‘deranged’ for what I had done and accusing me of trying to gaslight my partner.
I hardly got a chance to defend myself because my partner came out and immediately left with her without saying a word.
Honestly, I feel bad now ‐ especially after hearing from a (former?) mutual friend that works at the same place as my partner, that his sister had to call in sick for him because he’s apparently struggling to get up and do basic things now.
I honestly don’t think I’m the jerk but did I really go too far?”
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