People Solicit Our Opinion Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Wanting My Nephew Out Of My Room?
“My (16M) family (Mom, Dad, 2 sisters, 1 brother, his wife and their son, and my two sets of grandparents) is spending the rest of the week at my house. I study full time and have a part-time job, but today was my day off so I was able to come home directly.
For some context, I’m not allowed to use the common space to study or do homework if we have visitors because ‘it’s rude’, so I can only do it in my room.
I’ve told my brother and his wife a bunch of times that they’re not allowed in my room at all because they’re always judging me for everything; if I have too many ‘toys’ (Funko pops), if I have ‘disgusting’ posters (I like horror movies, so I keep some in my walls), if it’s too dark, if my curtains aren’t too open, if my desktop is messy yadda yadda.
Today when I came home I went directly to my room because I wanted to finish my homework ASAP (I’m not allowed to do anything else unless I finish it first and since I’m dyslexic it takes some time when it’s a writing assignment, of course, I can eat and shower, even rest, but I can’t watch tv or play videogames).
Since my Papa (my mom’s dad) was here, I wanted to watch a movie with him. When I opened my door my nephew (3 years old) was sleeping in my bed. I got a bit annoyed because every time they put him here, my brother and SIL expect me to babysit, so I went downstairs and asked them to take move him to another bed.
My brother told me no and that I had to******* up because they don’t have that much free time and that if they move him he’ll most likely wake up. I said I was busy right now and asked them again, but my SIL told me to shut up, so I went straight to my dad (who, even if he’s strict, always respects my privacy and wishes) and kinda snitched on my brother, I told him that they’ll make me babysit and that I wanted to finish my homework soon so I could spend some time with papa because he always goes to sleep early.
I also tell him that my SIL told me to shut up (which he doesn’t condone).
My dad removed my nephew himself, they gave me the stink eye and I came back to my room, ten minutes after that I heard him cry. I already finished my homework and I can go back with my papa, but maybe I was a jerk for telling my dad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re a teenager, with rules set that you must finish your homework before you can do other activities. Your brother’s just upset he couldn’t take advantage of you.
It’s completely unreasonable for your brother to just put his son in your room for an unknown amount of time whenever they want.
This will undoubtedly come up again for you. I’d suggest talking with your parents about this.” Jake_Let_2991
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your brother and SIL that as you are not a qualified babysitter you are not able to babysit your nephew and that their son is their responsibility, not yours and you have responsibilities like school to worry about and that’s stressful enough.” JumpGlittering8120
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your education doesn’t come before your brother and SIL’s child-free time and it certainly doesn’t come at your expense.
If they want the child-free time they can hire a babysitter rather than corner you by dumping their child in your room unsupervised. What if the child broke your things?
Would they replace it?
Go thank your dad for backing you up! He clearly has your best interests at heart and can see you’re trying really ****** hard! Keep up the good work OP!” MorphicMinx
22. AITJ For Vising My Sister-In-Law At The Hospital?
“My (21m) wife (23f) and I have been married for 2 years. My wife has a younger sister (15f) that struggles with depression and anxiety and ended up in the hospital as a result of them.
Now my wife and I met online and she, after seeing each other for a while, moved 500 miles to my home state where we continued our relationship.
We and her sister have a very strong connection and talk and play video games on most days. And my mom’s parents met her because she visits during the summer.
So after finding this out my wife and I made arrangements to drive from my home state to hers to go and visit her sister in the hospital and to show our support to her.
This caused a fair amount of drama in my own family for some reason which resulted in the biggest yelling match I’ve had with my mother in a long time. She believes that I should not be going to check on her since she will be okay either way and that I have responsibilities at home.
Now like I said we made arrangements because I called into my work and have paid time off to cover the TWO shifts of work that I will be missing and I go to school fully online. The only other thing was someone’s cats that I was watching which I arranged for someone else to care for until I return.
My mother in this argument said my obligations here are more important and that my SIL is not my responsibility. Which I agree but we are not going to pay for anything to bring her back with us but just to see her. My mother blew up in this argument and said that if these were the choices that I was making that I should move out.
And that my SIL is not family to her. My wife and I live with my mother due to me being in school and my wife being disabled and confined to a wheelchair which was my mother’s idea after the conditions at our old apartment grew unsafe.
After all of this, my mother is still mad at me and my father understands why I’m going but still does not support the choice fully. I do not understand the upset because I am not asking anything of them, just telling them what is happening.
So am I being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — my first impression is she’s exploiting this (totally unrelated) situation to convey what she’s felt but hadn’t had an excuse/opportunity to say out loud.
Is she resentful that you’re spending funds to travel?
Might she (as your host/landlord or just as herself) be jealous, or somehow otherwise feel entitled to the money you’ll be spending to go? Resentful you aren’t using those funds for a place of your own?
The reasoning she’s offering just doesn’t add up, but she’s clearly got herself riled up over something.” kwitcherkvetchin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is out of line. You’re adults and you are going to visit someone sick which is a very valid thing to do. You’ve covered all your responsibilities at home. Do what you need to do. Mother is needing to let go of parenting you, you’re not a child.
She’s got an issue that she isn’t being straightforward and honest about – perhaps ask her some questions about her real concerns.” AffectionateMine2220
Another User Comments:
“Haaang on, your SIL is family. It’s 100% appropriate that your wife would want to visit her sister in the hospital!
Your work commitments are NONE OF YOUR MOTHER’S BUSINESS. What obligations do you have at home that you’re missing? Unless it’s something really, really important that no one else can do, I’d say your mum is just trying to control you and is completely self-centered. So bc SIL is not her family, you’re not allowed to give SIL your time?
NTJ.” bethanymonday72
21. AITJ For Making My Mom Cry?
“I (21F) have depression, an eating disorder, and PTSD (I’m in therapy, don’t worry). Part of my depression and eating disorder I think is due to my parents (mother is 52 and father 60, don’t know if it is relevant), but sometimes I feel like I’m just a stupid child who can’t love her life when other people have much more problems. My parents always have controlled what I eat, because I always have been considered fat.
I’ve seen numerous nutritionists, diets with no junk food, sugar, etc. I always had to eat less than my brother (20) because he is a man. But that’s not all.
In my parents’ eyes, I’m a kid. I can’t decide if I want to buy video games with my money, they blame me for not working enough, not having enough good results, because I only think about playing, etc. My mother, when angry, tells me that she regrets giving birth to me and that she’s had enough of my nonsense.
I’ve already told them that their behavior was part of my depression and that I don’t like to spend time with them (I’m away from their house because of college).
But I can’t blame them, because of how my family is, and what type of education they received. My mother, for example, was treated horribly by her wasted father, and my father was not really allowed to speak about himself or his opinion to any adults in his family (because, you know, he was a kid, who is interested in what a kid has to say?)
So, the event in itself. Mother asked yet another question about my therapy, and again it was all about my weight. I said to stop talking about it because it stresses me, so I eat even more sugar. Maybe I didn’t say it the right way, maybe I shouldn’t have screamed, or maybe shouldn’t have said it’s her fault that I’m fat, I don’t know.
She started to cry, saying how she didn’t want me to be like her when she was young (fat, and laughed at for that), how she tried her best to raise us (my brother and me) with the parental models she had. I felt awful.
I feel like I’m so ungrateful, they pay for my living so that I don’t have to work during my studies, they’re loving and I love them, and there are parents that are so much worse, I feel like I have no right to complain.
So, AITJ for making my mother cry?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one is going to be a perfect parent, and parents need to reconcile that on their own. You shouldn’t have to coddle her feelings about her failures. She needs to make peace with it – she needs to apologize for hurting you.
Verbal abuse is just as harmful as a strike. They’re both attacks. Your pain is justified completely. Don’t feel ungrateful. You are doing the best you can with what you have and you’re allowed to be upset when you’ve been hurt.
I wish I could give you a hug.
I’m glad you were born. I’m glad you’re here with us. Your body doesn’t represent anything about who you are. It’s a body. You can make healthy decisions for yourself, but that may not necessarily reflect upon your body. And if you don’t love yourself now, that’s not going to change with a different body.
You’re valid however you are. Would you shame a chronically ill person for their substandard health? Then cut yourself some slack too. We are who we are. End of story.” Still_Association
Another User Comments:
“You don’t even have to get halfway through this to know this is a solid NTJ.
Your parents are extremely toxic and mentally abusive. They should be encouraging independence and a healthy, confident self-image, not treating you the way they’ve been treating you, at 21 nonetheless. You’re officially an adult from pretty much all angles. I’d look for a way out of this situation ASAP.
And your parents’ past trauma should have no reflection on how they raised you. They should be held to a standard of self-reflection as much as you are expected to be.” lightvvv350
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are toxic, THEY need therapy, and your mother is not ‘trying her best’ if she says she regrets giving birth to you.
You need to get out of that house asap because I am sure given all this they are the ones detrimentally affecting your mental health. Also, stop making excuses for your mother. She’s treating you horribly, end of story.” Kitotterkat
20. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit At A Wedding?
“I (24F) am not in a good financial condition. I was fired, I had to go back to my parents’ house, I had to leave (my parents are homophobic) and I currently live with 1 friend in a 1ba/1bd apartment. I’m recovering from a knee and back injury, so I can’t work outside the home, so I do some freelance design work where I can pay bills and food, and that’s all.
A good friend of mine (24F) is engaged and had sent me a wedding invitation. It was a small wedding (70 people) and at the last minute, 3 months ago.
I responded by saying ‘Kim (my friend), I can’t afford a gift for you two and I think it’s annoying of me to show up at the wedding, give you guys an expense and I don’t give you a gift. So I appreciate the invitation, but I don’t confirm my presence.’
Kim insisted, saying she would like me to go and for me to forget about gifts, and just enjoy the party. After her insistence, I then confirmed my presence.
The wedding was on Saturday night. The ceremony was wonderful, but the party was not so much.
I was at a table after dinner and some parents (whom I didn’t know) started leaving their children (3-9 years old) at the table (which was empty at this time of the party). I was confused and took advantage of Kim passing by and asked why.
She said to me, ‘Oh, you have childcare experience (I took care of my sibling’s babies, as the difference was 17 years), so if you don’t mind taking care of a relative’s child while you’re here for a few hours as a wedding gift.’
I’m not going to lie, but I felt a little humiliated and I have self-love, thank God.
I replied ‘You haven’t talked about this before and I’d like to enjoy the party, just like you said. If to stay at a party and feel good, I have to babysit 5 kids. Sorry, I’ll leave.’
I left the wedding and ever since then I’ve been called a lazy person who goes to someone else’s wedding and can’t give a gift but can’t be a babysitter as a gift for the bride.
Clearly, Kim and I aren’t friends anymore.
But.. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s crazy irresponsible of her to tell people that they can trust you to watch after their kids without even letting you know that you are supposed to be doing it. What if you had simply walked away from the table instead of asking her about it, or decided to have a few drinks or literally anything?
The parents would assume their kids were taken care of and no one would know this wasn’t the case until something bad happened.
Also seems like she likely thought you wouldn’t have agreed without coercion or she would have asked. And hey, maybe you would have agreed to it as a nice way to contribute to the celebration if given the opportunity but she robbed you of feeling like you were helping and instead made you feel embarrassed and taken advantage of.” Sway_cj
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Kim way overstepped by signing you up for a big job without talking to you about it.
It was perfectly reasonable of you to explain that you couldn’t afford a gift and try to skip the wedding. If Kim had wanted a gift from every attendee she could have graciously accepted your refusal and left it there.
You weren’t wrong to take her at her word when she told you to show up anyway and forget about the gift. It was incredibly rude of her to tell everyone to dump their kids at your table and you have done absolutely nothing wrong.
By the way, because your invitation came at the last minute, Kim probably only invited you as a seat filler for someone else who couldn’t come. So not only was she not losing funds on your seat specifically, because she’d budgeted that place for someone else in the first place, but she also tried to get free babysitting out of you.
Kim sucks and she wasn’t your friend before this either.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It is inappropriate of her to put you in a child-minding job you never agreed to or were aware of for several reasons. Mostly because forcing someone to do unpaid labor without their permission or consent is not ethical and is very disrespectful.
But also because it is potentially quite dangerous for the kids.
You are recovering from knee and back injuries. You may not be able to safely chase after children or pick up toddlers, putting the kids in danger
As you DID NOT KNOW you were taking care of kids, you might have left without ever finding out you were in this role or had several drinks (or incapacitating pain medication) before you found out.
This is just weird. Did she mix you up with someone else who had agreed to this but then was not able to make it (and then just try to bluff her way through it), or meant to ask you but forgot? Or was this a manipulative thing where she’s playing on your guilt about the present to cover up her own inappropriate request?” cynical_overlord1979
19. AITJ For Wanting My Ex To Pay Me My Share Of The Mattress She's Keeping?
“My SO (28F) and I (26F) broke off our 6-year relationship at the beginning of this year and I am finally moving out soon. Therefore I’ve started collecting a list of items that we purchased together that we will be splitting the cost on. For example, we bought a magic bullet together, I want to keep it, so I’ll pay her half of the cost we paid.
She was fine with this, and one of the bigger items on the list was the mattress. I’m going to be moving in with my parents so I don’t need the mattress but she is staying in the apartment so she will need it. She was fine with this until she told her parents about it today.
For backstory, we lived with her parents for about 16 months at the beginning of 2020 and they let me drive their vehicle fairly often as well. They didn’t ask for rent or insurance, and wouldn’t accept any despite my offering. Now, they think that I am being selfish for expecting just under half the cost of the mattress to be paid to me.
We’ve used this mattress for just over 1 year so I took a couple hundred off the overall price.
So my ex and her parents are threatening that if I don’t just give her the mattress they’re going to be asking for rent and insurance funds… So AITJ for asking her to pay under half the cost of the mattress we purchased together?
Edit: the only items that we’re splitting costs on are those that were slightly larger purchases. It’s only about 8 things I believe.
The mattress was originally around 900 dollars. I am asking for $300. There is around $100 worth of more things she wants to keep. And about $50 that I do.
I work and she does not because she chooses not to (though I’m not sure if this information is relevant). Her parents mostly support her whereas I work for everything. We are both financially unstable.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You guys were fine with the arrangement until her parents got involved. Now that the parents are involved the situation has changed. It might be best to just agree on how to split your stuff without money changing hands.
You did benefit from the 16 months free rent so you would be overall net positive even if your ex gets more value in purchased items.” Lawn_Orderly
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. The parents are because it is trashy of them to get involved in your breakup given that you are adults.
And you are for being a bit over the top with counting the money. I don’t know the circumstances of you and your ex’s relationship, or your financial circumstances, but you were together for 6 years and lived together. When your lives have been that entangled for so long, it feels a bit silly to try and count every cent.
Just decide who gets to keep which item, and move on with your life without adding more hassle than there needs to be. If there are really big items involved, like a house or a car, I can understand. But transferring funds back and forth over a smoothie machine is too much.” Im_Chad_AMA
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here until the parents got involved. NTJ since the ex is going back on your arrangements. Your ex and you had a reasonable arrangement until her parents poked their noses into your and her relationship. Them asking for back pay is ridiculous and that makes them the jerk and you.” GabyGoneWild
18. AITJ For Telling A Mom That Other People Are Gossiping About Her Kid?
“My (41f) kids 10m and 8m have a brilliant school friend Sandy who is also 8.
Sandy is a boy, however, he does like painting his nails, playing with dolls, and dressing up. All of these are sometimes not all the time. Other times he’s playing cars, wearing camo gear, and running around with the boys. Another school friend’s mum cornered me and asked if it was true that Sandy is a girl stuck in a boy’s body.
I shut her down pretty quick and said no Sandy is just a normal kid who likes exploring various toys etc… however, the reason I think I am the jerk is I then let Sandy’s mum know what was said, in case other mums at the school gates are saying similar things – I wanted her prewarned and not sideswiped by it.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You left it open-ended on default settings. The kid can figure out their own path, and whatever it is will be perfectly valid. But that’s not YOUR place to speak on, or theirs to ask.” Maine04330
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If I was Sandy’s mom, I’d be glad you let me know so I could ‘have a little talk’ with the other mom for gossipping and not addressing me correctly with their questions about my kid’s gender.
Been there, done that in real life.
I have far fewer friends now that my kids are out, but they sure are better friends than I had before.” Fearless-Wishbone924
17. AITJ For Refusing To Sleep At My Sister's House?
“I’ve been saving up and looking to leave my awful mom’s house and as my sister recently moved away, she offered that I go with her and stay for 6 months, enough time for me to save up while not having to endure the mistreatment anymore and I could also help her with her kids.
I said yes and even packed my clothes… etc. Later, she wouldn’t answer my calls for a couple of days and when she finally called me back, she told me it would look like I’d been instigated by her to the others, so, it would be a bad idea.
I told her that I understood and I’ll go on with my initial plan.
Today, my sister invited us (mom and me) to dinner and when it was time to leave, she and her kids really wanted me to stay but I politely declined and told them maybe next time.
There are two reasons why I didn’t want to stay over. One is because I’m really focused on working now and I mostly work at night. Two is because staying elsewhere for one night isn’t going to help me relax, on the contrary, I would just get under my mother’s radar, which is why I want the permanent solution – to move out.
After we got back, I got a text from her angrily asking me why I didn’t want to stay over for the night.
I felt like I didn’t owe her an explanation, so I repeated politely again that it was just inconvenient. She then told me I was acting passive-aggressive because I was still salty about what happened. I have to admit that there’s a tiny voice inside saying maybe it IS because I’m still salty over her changing her mind at the time and maybe it would be passive-aggressive behavior (a jerk one in my book) to not stay over because of it.
So, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can tell her, ‘Sounds like you feel guilty for leaving me in a toxic living situation and now you’re projecting that onto me by accusing me of being passive-aggressive. I don’t owe you a night spending it at your house when it will only create distraction and issues for me.
I graciously responded to your invite and do not appreciate you now taking out your shame onto me. You continue to appear to forget that I have the autonomy to make my own choices.'” Familiar_Season8438
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re allowed to say no to whatever you want.
It was a last-minute thing when your sister asked and it’s normal that you might not be able to stay. Sounds like you might be better off just riding it out for 6 months at your mom’s and then moving out on your own.” burns91710
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she’s not going to help you, she’s not worth your time. It would be pointless to go there and now you have to find another solution. She shouldn’t be surprised that you reacted that way and didn’t want to stay the night.” Triplicated
16. AITJ For Not Lending My Tools To My Wife's Family?
“Me: Hey man I need my tile saw back Sunday night.
BIL: Ok
Me: Hey what time can I swing by to grab my saw?
BIL: I’m not done with it.
Me: I told you I needed it back tonight. I have a 3-day project starting in the morning.
I need it back, I gave you a 4-day heads up soon as I got the job.
He ghosts me at this point, I called him twice with no answer, I sent a text at 6 am Monday morning.
Me: Please leave my saw outside, I’m coming by to get it shortly.
BIL: My dad has it. Call him.
I call several times, no answer. 9 am rolled around, I left the job site and swung by BIL’s house before ultimately having to go buy another one. There’s my saw, and there he is using it… it never left his house.
I took it and left.
FIL: I honestly can’t believe you just took the saw like that while he was in the middle of using it. Now it’s your fault his wife is going to return home to things upside down.
Me: I gave him 2 weeks with the saw.
More than enough time to tile a 400sq ft bedroom.
FIL: Yeah if you had actually helped him. No integrity.
Me: I DID help him by letting him use my contractor account which saved him money, and then delivered the tile to his house AND let him borrow my saw.
I never agreed to anything more.
A few days go by, they finally left me alone… I received the following:
BIL: Hey I need to do the baseboards, where would I get a miter saw for a few days?
Me: Home Depot.
BIL: Very funny, I’m not putting out that kind of money for one project.
Me: They have rentals.
BIL: But don’t you have like 3? Can you drop one off for me?
Me: I wouldn’t let you or anyone in your family borrow as much as a 10mm socket after the way you disrespected my livelihood, caused undue stress, nearly caused me to lose a job, LIED, and now have the audacity to even ask for something else.
You’re on your own bud.
BIL: Wow. If you’re going to act like that we don’t want you a part of our family. We don’t like people who play the victim after doing someone dirty the way you did us. So pathetic of you.
Me: Shut up, bro. I’ve had enough, lose my number. Tell your daddy to stop covering your deceitful butt and leave me alone.
BIL: He has grandparents’ rights how dare you deprive him of that? He should take you to court. I’m so ashamed my sister married a loser.
Me: Keep the messages coming cause at this point you’re proving my case of harassment against you.
No further contact has been made by any party at this point. FIL and BIL did contact my wife to tattle on me, she’s frustrated at them.
MIL said I was very rude about how I handled things and should have just let him have a saw since I have multiple. They’ve told my wife I’m not allowed at their house now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but don’t forget that if you stay married, these people are in your life forever.
If you have kids, they’re there. If your spouse gets sick, they’re there. So no, don’t let them borrow anything else, but also try to be civil about it. ‘Unfortunately, I need that tool for my job and cannot be without it.
I’d be happy to recommend a model for you to buy and send you YouTube videos on how to use it.’ And then just be done with it. Don’t engage, don’t swear, don’t yell – just ignore the texts and let them make fools of themselves.” PNWPainter02
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is why I don’t lend books. People see you have things they need/want and feel entitled to them and don’t feel any need to return them. Even people you live with, let alone jerks like your FIL and BIL.
They will continue to try to use you if you let them based on them saying you were ‘being a victim’ when you stood up for yourself. I’d have loved to see his face when you got your saw back. Awesome move if you ask me.
I’m glad your wife isn’t on their side because that would be messed up.” WoofingtonSpiff
Another User Comments:
“I hate people like this.
Personally, in your situation, I’d probably have done the same. I’d also need to have a chat with your partner about ‘how much involvement am I going to have in their life since they have stated I’m never to come round to their house again over something so trivial?’
This isn’t a straight up-and-down ‘Oh I’ll just block them!’ situation, obviously. It never is. But, it probably wouldn’t hurt to have a 30-minute consultation with a lawyer about the state of grandparents’ rights in your state, if they’ve decided to escalate by going there.
Not to pre-empt an action or anything, just to be aware of the situation in case they decide to actually PRESS the nuclear button, instead of just hanging around the place trying to assert dominance with all the grace of a silverback gorilla with dementia.” AFriendOfTheBees
15. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Father's Caregiver?
“My (21f) dad (54m) told me and my brother (23m) that he didn’t raise us right, that we are bad people, and that he never wants to speak to us again. A few years ago my dad got sick (stomach ulcers, fibromyalgia, arthritis) and he quit his job.
He wanted my brother and me to take over financially, pay the mortgage, buy groceries, support our younger brother (14 at the time), etc.
At the time though, we didn’t have any money ourselves (we were young, 18 and 19, working minimum wage) and my brother was sick (Crohns).
The house we were living in at the time was not ideal (heat barely worked, mold, only 1 stove top worked, etc) and we knew if we shouldered everything ourselves it was a hole we would never be free of. My dad ended up moving to another state (he has family out of state and always wanted to move back), and his sister let him live with her and was supposed to be helping him financially and medically.
We thought things would get better.
A couple of years passed and I call him pretty much every day. But earlier this week he called and yelled at us to get ourselves together, that we have to either move out there (we don’t want to do this, we have family here and have been raised our whole lives in this state) or move him back here, become his caregivers, etc. I told him truthfully I don’t have any idea how to help him, that if he gave me some direction on what exactly to do maybe I could help, etc. but he just started crying and telling me that he thought he raised me better.
I know he’s in pain, and I love him, but I don’t know what he wants me to do and he won’t tell me. He has multiple doctors but I guess whatever they’re doing isn’t helping him. Am I the jerk for not uprooting my life to do something I’m not even qualified or educated enough to do?”
Another User Comments:
“Stay long distance.
Contact your aunt, first let her know you appreciate her efforts with your father. Ask her how you and your brother can help from where you are. Do some research on local services, charities, churches, and Adult CPS, that are in her state, that may help with Carers visiting, or respite for her, before you talk to her.
You and your sibling can send your father things, treats, things he likes to eat, puzzles, books, game sets, (e.g chess) things to keep him occupied. Between you, you can pay for him to have an account on Netflix or some streaming service if he watches a lot of TV.
Spotify if he likes music etc.
The most direct involvement I would suggest is you and your brother each visit twice a year for a weekend (at different times) and give your aunt respite so she can go out, and see friends. Stay in a cheap hotel when you do that.
Schedule it right, and he’d be seeing one of his children every 3 months.
Also, if there’s an inexpensive Spa near your aunt, book and pay for her to go once a year, as a treat. Don’t forget to occasionally send her cards and flowers.
Facetime/Zoom your dad once every 2 weeks/or a month.
This way, you are involved, but not looking after him. You are both too young for that. He’s in his 50s, that could be your life for another 20 years. Do you want marriage? Children? You need to be able to work on improving your income etc, whether through education or job experience.
Both of you should set money aside each month in a savings account that you can’t withdraw easily, for the future, when his needs may require more input than your aunt can manage, and you need to look into Carers coming to tend to him, or an assisted living facility.
I’m speaking from experience, OP.
NTJ.” Successful_Dot2813
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and please hear me when I say it is far more important for you to be there for the family you have now than it is to be miserable in the name of obligation.
This man neglected and mistreated you and now he needs help? Sorry my guy, now you’re reaping what you sow.
I am saying this from having this exact situation in my family this past year: you are not obligated to take on the burden of a family member ever, especially when they were awful.
It’s tragic and deeply upsetting for sure, but lots of people get haunted by regrets after treating everyone around them awfully. He will make you miserable as his caretaker, too, and where does that leave you in your own life?” hitch_please
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I don’t know what state he’s in but you can try and see if there are home health aide programs to sign him up for and if he can get an adult social services case worker or something but I’m not sure how that works.
If you do this, you’ll ruin your own life. He needs professional care. He could move back home so you all can visit and do some errands, but you can’t move in and be his nurse.” MochaJ95
14. AITJ For Unintentionally Breaking A Guy's Heart?
“I grew up in a largish city in England and have moved to another city in the UK.
I (26 M) moved to a new city in September 2021 to carry on with my second year of university studies. One night a few months ago I posted a picture on my Snapchat story for new people to pop up, an old friend who I had spoken to on and off for years (we will call him Bobby, 24 M) popped up and we had a good catch up.
We had many conversations every day but I was also busy with my undergraduate degree and my part-time job so we would FaceTime only for a couple of hours after I finished work. However, due to my work cutting my hours a bit I decided to go to other shops in our branch and pick up a shift here and there.
Bobby would try messaging me but I would be tired from traveling and from a full day of university revision and work. Recently I’ve been chatting to this guy (we will call him Adam 21 M) and Tuesday we decided to meet up and go out, it went really well.
Last night Bobby messaged me asking if I wanted to FaceTime, I explained I was busy and also sorting plans with Adam, and Bobby then sent me long paragraphs about how I screwed him over as he liked me and how I basically disregarded his feelings, after he told me how he felt without being direct (for clarity I can not pick up on subtle hints, and Bobby knew this.)
I eventually said it wouldn’t have worked out as I’m staying in my Uni city and would not be returning to my hometown! AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for any of this. You owe Bobby nothing. You two weren’t together or in an exclusive relationship and he has no right to get angry and demanding just because he developed some feelings.
His feelings are his own to deal with and you’re not obligated to regard his feelings in any kind of way. Block him and move on. Do not let him embroil you in a totally inappropriate, extended conversation about his feelings and expectations that he never even told you about (hinting around absolutely doesn’t count).
Bobby is being a jerk.” ghostforest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: He was not clear with his feelings or intentions. You were also, from reading this, not exclusive in any way shape, or form. It sucks when the person whom you have feelings for doesn’t return them or move on but that’s life.
He has to learn if he wants something or wants to go out with someone he should be more direct.” alreadyovereacting
13. AITJ For Telling My Friends To Stay Sober On Our Trip?
“I (18m) planned a grad trip camping with close friends. After making a reservation I brought up that I want this to be a sober trip.
I am the sober member of the friend group and most others drink and smoke. I thought they would honor my request and that it wouldn’t be too hard.
They all disagreed and said that I can’t force them not to. I don’t want any substances there so that we can avoid getting in trouble with the owners of the site, avoid poisoning incidents, and just have a fun time without any substances.
Apparently, they can’t do that and I’m ‘not allowed to tell them they can’t’. I’m upset because I feel like we can’t do anything fun without trying to add substances anymore, and because they don’t respect my wishes and say I can’t make them follow rules.
(My parents also specifically made me promise there would be no substances so now I am forced to lie.)”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You bait and switched them by getting everyone on board with the reservation and then pushing your sober trip agenda.
If I were part of this group of friends invited to camping, I would already be looking to make alternate arrangements where I don’t have to put up with someone else’s judgment.” superflex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Asking them to follow the rules of the place you booked is reasonable. It would have been better to tell them this before you booked, though, since they seem to be making substance use a major part of their life. You may be better off canceling your reservation while you can still get some of your deposit back, though.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here! You made the reservation without telling them you wanted this to be a sober trip! At 18 especially after graduation, all they want to do is have fun and usually, booze is involved. You can’t force them, and just because you don’t drink doesn’t mean they’ll do the same.
If you want just sober friends you’ll probably have to look for another group of friends that won’t drink or smoke like you.” HistorySweet9902
Another User Comments:
“Eh, it’s kinda neither.
On the one hand, you’re within your rights to not want to be around people drinking and smoking, and you’d hope your friends would respect your wishes.
On the other, you brought this up after you made reservations and planned everything. Your friends probably agreed, assuming it’d be ok. Your reasons aren’t really that strong either, I mean I get it if you didn’t want to feel left out but worrying about poisoning is pretty ridiculous, and smoking literally doesn’t affect you as long as they walk off somewhere to do it.
Just the way you worded this story and the fact you called them ‘substances’ gives me the impression you didn’t handle this with the tact you should have. You’re not really the jerk, but you probably sounded like the jerk when you explained this to them, hence the reaction.” Guardsman_Miku
12. AITJ For Calling The Cops On My Noisy Neighbors?
“A big family moved into the house behind mine (We share a wall), There are at least 10 people living there that I know about.
I am a very friendly person. I get along with everybody in my community except for them… I just never had the opportunity to really talk with them and when I have, it has been in relation to very unpleasant things. Like for example, one day, the husband almost ran over my pets, or when someone was drilling the wall at 2 am.
So we were up to a bad start.
One night, I was going to bed, and they started playing really loud music. Oh well! They are probably having a party. Sure I was a bit mad, but it was just one night. No big deal…
The next week. The same thing happens… now though it is at least three times a week they have these parties.
Now, if it were only the music, ok, sure I can deal with it. Even if it is extremely loud, it’s just music. But it is not only music!
It’s screams and howls, loud obnoxious laughter, cat callings, and just loud noises.
I wake up every day at 5:00 am because of my job. So I usually go to bed early, about 10 or 11 pm. I have even started using earplugs to sleep. They do not work!
My wall is like right next to their radio or something. And their parties are not during the weekend. They usually have them Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. Keep in mind I have always had problems sleeping, so I usually take medication to help me sleep, but it does not work either.
I have tried talking to them, and they have apologized for the noise, yet they have not stopped doing it.
Last night, after about two weeks of dealing with these parties I finally called the police on them.
I didn’t even know if the police had actually come until this morning when my other neighbors gave me the stink eye.
I asked what happened and they say that they knew I had called the police on my next-door neighbors.
I explained to my neighbors the reason why I called the police. They can hear the music too so they seemed to understand. But I feel kind of trashy right now.
I am proud to have a very good relationship with all my neighbors and now I am feeling scared of going out of the house in case I run into them and a confrontation happens. I am not confrontational at all…
So, AITJ for calling the police on my neighbors?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your neighbors are very disrespectful and this is why you call the cops on your neighbors tbh. They need to understand to not blast music and throw parties at 2 in the morning. I hope everything works out in the end.” candy-cane-13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your neighbors seem highly disrespectful. They need to face consequences or they’ll never change. Also, be careful with your animals and keep them on a leash maybe since they seem to be super dangerous and now also have a grudge against you.” Kitotterkat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They did not care that they were being loud and disturbing their neighbors. This speaks volumes for people who do things without considering the effect it has on others.
I do not care what time of the day it is, I do not like being disturbed. Home should be peaceful.” livinlikeriley
11. AITJ For Expressing My Disappointment?
“I’m (f21) a former foster youth and every semester I get 2500 while being in school, I usually either save the funds or use it to either pay for my brother (10) who I currently have custody of.
I recently was let go from my position at my old job because the position was temporary and I had already had a new job lined up in which the benefits and pay were much better but I previously didn’t know how long the process would take before I actually started to work (this is a government job).
I messaged my IL worker so I could get my funds for this upcoming semester, this is something I do three times a year and it all went smoothly, with no problems at all except for this time.
I would only get one email back a week and although I would send follow-ups there would be times when I would get an automated message telling me they were gonna be out for a day or two then the weekend would come and I know they’re not there so I started to get frustrated.
Even though they help with my brother a bit I still pay for the majority of things, I don’t do things that go out of our funds but he likes basketball and going out and being a little kid which I’m not going to deprive him of.
I want him to have the childhood I didn’t so I let him explore extracurriculars that I fund and have no problem with.
But yesterday I did send a harsh email explaining my disappointment and how I was having literal panic attacks about whether I was going to be able to pay our bills this month so I’m super stressed out right now.
At the time I sent the email I felt good but as time went on I started to feel bad and like I made the situation worse. I’m just stressed out extremely because the first is coming up and I still don’t have a solid plan.
If I’m the jerk I’ll apologize immediately. I never ask for more than we need, I just wanna make sure my brother will be okay.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, it’s frustrating on your part however you’ve got to understand that they are seriously understaffed. Your worker has so many other kids to be working with and currently you’re in a stable house, in education, and have a decent job lined up – this puts you way down the priority list and she’ll be dealing with kids who’ve been thrown out of their homes or who’ve just entered the system – personally I was called to pick up 5 kids this week and I’m not even in that line of work – (work with a respite home for disability) we had to close and take them all in which was a very messy situation and wasn’t fair on any of the kids.
You’re doing your best and only looking out for your brother. Just know it’s not that they don’t care.” xLostandAfraidx
10. WIBTJ If I Contact My Dad To Ask For Financial Support?
“I discovered my father’s affairs at 15yo. Not having a great relationship with him even at that age, I told my mother.
And then my 15yo life turned upside-down as I became estranged from my father and was diagnosed with complex PTSD & borderline personality disorder.
23 years later I find myself without family (cos my mother remained bitter and blamed me) and in a world of trouble.
I embarked on a lap of Australia, which I soon realized was my midlife crisis.
I started to think ‘gosh… mid-life. If I don’t repair some of these relationships then people are going to start dropping off before we make peace.’
So I texted my dad out of the blue for his birthday last week and explained this (first contact in any form in 14 years) – I wasn’t ready to talk on the phone, but I need/want to start repairing some of these relationships before it’s too late.
As it turns out, he’s retired and lives about 12 hours from where I am now (which, given where I am now, might as well be next door.)
Since then, my trip has gone bad. Identity theft, issues with my van, slashed tires… I’m not going to make it around the country.
And I’m stuck in a place far from ‘home’ where I don’t want to be.
I’m not even sure how I feel about this, but…
Would I be the jerk if I contacted my father for the 2nd time in 14 years to ask for help?
When I say ‘help’ – I need about $500 for petrol, then I’m hoping he has a spare room that my dog & I can stay in while I try and sell my van before heading home. (So realistically, we’re talking 1-2 weeks at least.)
What do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, whatever he decides, meaning helping you or not helping you is up to him and does not make him a jerk if he chooses not to help you.
You need help and by how it sounds you don’t have any other family members or friends you can ask for help.
No, you would not be a jerk for asking for help, but you have to realize how this looks. You have not reached out to him in 23 years and the first time you reach out to him you’re asking for money. I would not blame him for thinking that’s all you are asking for and that you are going to completely cut contact the moment you receive that help.
I will also say whatever decision he decides don’t keep harassing him. Basically in these situations, you have to throw the ball in his court and he now gets to decide what to do with it.” afk_scorpio66
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Though it might seem like that to him depending on how it is done and of course how cynical he is.
So focus mainly on repairing the relationship first and see where that goes. If that goes well you could ask for help.” Dkink27
Another User Comments:
“I think it’s gonna come across as a jerk move. You don’t talk to him for years and now you contact him for money?
Even if it was just a coincidence, I don’t know if it will be taken well. Not giving financial support to estranged family members is probably a topic somewhere as well. So yeah, I think YTJ if you do. You could try, but if it’s not taken well you will likely lose any credibility of rekindling the relationship.” PuertoRicoRules
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking, but be prepared for a no. You didn’t talk to him for 14 years. He also might blame you for the end of his marriage even though it was his infidelity. But it is easier to blame someone else than to take a hard look into the mirror.” Capable_Voice_5479
9. AITJ For Telling My Cousin I'm Transgender?
“I (M14) am Transgender. There were clear signs of me having gender dysphoria growing up that my family simply ignored. They claim to be supportive and that it’s fine if I actually am that person but refuse to call me by my preferred name and pronouns saying that ‘You don’t know what you want yet.’ Now that I am medically diagnosed with gender dysphoria my family likes to brush it under the bus and say that the doctors are wrong.
My cousins came over to my grandmother’s house yesterday. Being the eldest grandchild obviously, I was forced to play with them. My cousin (M11) suggested that we do boys vs girls. I wasn’t really thinking about it so I said that wouldn’t be fair because there are three boys here and only one girl.
My cousin questioned me and I eventually told him that I identify as a boy. He was young so he said no I wasn’t obviously. He didn’t know so I didn’t take it to heart. But turns out he told my Aunt after he went home.
My aunt called my grandmother who I’m currently staying with and now I’m being told to apologize. They say that my cousin is too young to know that trans people exist and that I have no right to teach them that and that they should learn it from their mother.
(We all know their mom would not have taught them that.) I don’t feel like I should have to apologize for how I feel and share that with my little cousin.
They say he was too young to know however when I was his age I had multiple trans friends and I identified as a lesbian.
(I used to just think I was a Tomboy.) I don’t think I should have to apologize for educating my cousins about who and what I am. Am I the jerk?
(Note: I thought it was okay to tell my cousin about this because he previously mentioned gay people in the conversation we had about an hour prior.
I told my family this and they still say I have no right to teach him.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is no such thing as being too young to know people exist. You have a right to exist and be seen and I’m sorry your family sucks so much.
My brother came out as trans and the same day I sat down with my ten and nine-year-olds. He goes by male words now any questions? It’s not like you need graphic details.
My nine-year-old has a learning disability and still managed to understand the basics.” Awkward_Badger7516
Another User Comments:
“Nah, you aren’t the jerk. My family is pretty similar. I’ve struggled my whole life and eventually came out last year. Got my official ‘Diagnosis’ a few months ago (I’m 22, by the way!) And my family still doesn’t believe I’m Trans. They don’t want to try to understand.
Sounds like your cousin’s mother is probably unsupportive of Trans individuals and doesn’t want her kid asking questions ‘before they’re ready’… questions he’s already asking, by the sound of it.” finnisqueer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t ‘teaching him about trans people’, you just were attempting to explain that you are a boy since he declined to just take your word for it.” DinaFelice
8. AITJ For Having A Dilemma With My Husband About Moving?
“My husband & I have been together 7.5 years, married for 3 of them. He comes from a small family & I a large one. We met in college through the club we were members of. We currently live in the same city as friends (who are more like family to us, especially my husband).
We aren’t the best off financially, & we were barely breaking even. For the past 2 years, we have been trying for a baby. We’ve been through testing & treatments, but due to my polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), we have not succeeded.
In Oct. 2021, after my husband finally convinced me to, we moved in with another married couple we are friends with who had bought a house a month prior, they agreed to a flat rate for rent so that we could pay off our debt.
After a few months of being there, we realized it would be best to put a pause on babies since we were living with our friends & needed to get out of debt first. The friends we rent from & live with aren’t the cleanest people, & it stresses me to deal w/ their clutter.
I was constantly asking them to do things (dishes, chores, picking up, etc.), so that we could all live together peacefully.
About 3-4 weeks ago, our friend’s father was in an accident, & a week later they decided to take him off of life support.
The night before they did, all of our friends got together for dinner to support him & his wife. Things were going well until my husband asked if he could speak to me in private. He told me that the weekend before the accident, our friend told him that he & his wife are 3 months pregnant.
My husband waited a whole week to tell me, & he only did so because he didn’t want me to hear the news in front of all of our friends. I did not take the news well. They weren’t trying to, but a month or so before they bought their house and we all moved in together, they quit using protection and just let it happen.
Not sure what they were thinking, but surely they knew if they got pregnant that I was not going to be able to live there and watch them prepare for a baby.
They offered to move into his dad’s house for a while before they sold it in August, but that does not change the fact that I cannot stay there.
Especially when they will have to come back once his dad’s house sells. I got cleared from my work to move in with my mother, who lives an hour and a half away, & already moved in with my mother. I did so after discussing it with my therapist & we agreed that it was dangerous for me mentally to stay.
(I was so depressed I was a potential danger to myself.)
My husband doesn’t understand why I can’t just live there, and he is refusing to consider any option other than staying there or living with my mom. We have limited options, but every time I suggest anything he shoots me down.
I am so overwhelmed, lost, and hurting. He has never acted this way. I am so disappointed. He acts like it is my fault for us needing to move, and I guess it kind of is.”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like living at your Mom’s is for the best. Your married friends need their life back, not just because of the baby, but because it is their home, not yours or your husband’s.
They kindly let you stay there, and now the situation has changed. Some of what you wrote, like telling them to clean better, are a bit much and sound very ungracious given that they were doing you a favor by letting you move in rent or no rent.
Your husband is a third wheel at this point. If he cares anything about you or your marriage he will either go with you to your Mom’s or find another solution. You weren’t clear on his work situation so not sure what is feasible. If not, you may have bigger decisions to make.
Also not clear on the relevance of the death in the family, other than the coincidence of your husband sharing the news of their pregnancy. NTJ you need to move regardless, that was never a long-term solution.” Responsible_Candle86
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You’re the jerk for your ‘not sure what they were thinking’ comment about your friends stopping birth control before they even bought the house you eventually lived in. What they were thinking is that they are a couple, settling down, buying a home, and the time is right to start a family.
You know this, you’ve been there, and when you and your husband first started trying for a baby, you probably didn’t do an inventory of all your friends to consider their opinion on the matter. It sounds like they have bent over backward for you (letting you move in, taking instructions from you, the tenant, on housekeeping, and offering to move out for a short period for your mental health) and you can’t return the decency of acknowledging that their family development has nothing to do with you.
Your husband is the jerk for both recognizing the impact this would have on you (thus, not telling you the ‘news’ until he was forced to under immediate risk of you hearing it from someone else first) and yet putting his desire to save a little money above such impact.
Supporting a pregnant friend from a distance is one thing, but of course, you’re not in a place to be so closely involved with the gestation of this child, and he knows that.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“You might be the jerk. I am not sure.
Let’s not talk about fault but choice. It is literally your choice to move out. Your feelings are your feelings and if you feel living in a household with an expectant mother is dangerous for your wellbeing, your husband should support an option other than that one.
However — these are no reasons at all that your friends should have avoided conception out of concern for how you would take it. Plenty of people who want children are flat-out sterile but that doesn’t prevent some of them from working in jobs around pregnant people or taking joy in friends and relatives’ pregnancies.
The world is not your mom’s house. Its horizons aren’t going to auto-adjust and only show you views attuned to your personal well-being.
From what you say, you guys are broke. It seems natural that your husband would want to stick with a housing option that would enable you to find your financial footing faster.
You said he isn’t interested in options other than living with your mother or your friends, but you haven’t mentioned the alternatives that are available.
Will any of these options also enable you to regain the financial footing you need to try for pregnancy again?
Because you have kind of a Catch 22 here. The thrift solutions are bad for your mental health short term but anything that costs extra money will postpone your pregnancy efforts and that will also impact your mental health.
I am not sure why your husband joining you at your mom’s is a bad thing if it facilitates your long-term goals and long-term mental health.
Sometimes no option provides us with everything we want.” brasscup
7. AITJ For Buying A Game With Demon Characters?
“I love the Storm anime games, but my parents don’t approve because of ‘demons’. I’m 17 and these games are rated T for Teen, but I’ve been playing these games for years. At first, they had no problems with it, but once they found out that the games have ‘demons’ they didn’t allow me to play them anymore.
Mind you, I was watching the anime itself and they knew this.
I thought after a few years, I could convince my Dad to let me play it again. I tried and even proved that there weren’t actual demons in the game, due to research and an essay.
I should mention, that there are worse games in the house and I’ve seen way worse on TV. My Dad’s new excuse was that the games have spirits but we watch stuff with spirits regularly. So while my parents were on vacation, I bought the games for my Switch (I bought the Switch with my own funds).
I feel kinda guilty but wanted to know AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, eventually they’re going to have to accept that you are capable of making your own decisions. It sounds like they’re extremely paranoid and their paranoia stems from religion. I respect religious people, but when these beliefs end up damaging/hurting other people it becomes troubling to me.
You shouldn’t feel guilty for getting a game and having fun, people throughout history have tried to explain why evil exists to shift the blame away from themselves when in reality you are perfectly capable of making your own decisions and being responsible for them.
It goes against their wishes, but it’s time to ground yourself and grow independence/confidence.
You shouldn’t feel guilty for having fun and making your own choices that don’t hurt anyone.” Bobbo_Blobbo
6. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Stay On His Boss's Good Side?
“My partner and I are trying to get a mortgage so we can build a house. There were many setbacks but right now we are a month away from knowing whether we got it or not.
The thing is, we already bought the land and even have the building permit so not getting the mortgage would be really terrible.
Now, my partner needs some papers from his boss, who is a jerk (according to him). The problem is, every day he comes from work he is talking about how they argued and I am always on edge because I am scared he may get himself fired. Today he was supposed to nicely ask for the documents we need as soon as possible (it is true that the boss should give some of it to him on regular basis but doesn’t) and when the boss told him he will give it to him on Monday, my partner lost it again and argued with him that he should have it ready.
I know that is true, but also, if the boss wants he can always fire him or cause us big trouble (by withholding the documents for example).
So I said to my partner that he should be able to be nice or even kiss his boss’s butt if it is necessary because this is the most important thing in our lives so far.
Also, he only needs to play nice until we get the mortgage (which should not be longer than one month!) because he plans to quit then anyways. I have 3 jobs and I am willing to do anything it takes to successfully get the mortgage.
We had a little fight about this and none of us wants to back down.
So I wanted to know if I am the jerk for wanting him to forget his ego and pride and everything for one month so we can have the LIFE we dreamt of?”
Another User Comments:
“There is a difference between being prideful and being taken advantage of.
Your partner is being taken advantage of. The boss is holding the papers over your partner’s head and you seem you’re ok with your partner being treated like garbage. YTJ. The boss is a jerk because he is disrespectful to his employee and is using the papers as an excuse.
You’re a jerk for being ok with your partner being treated horribly by his boss because you counted the eggs before they hatched.” lil-peanutbutter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you have much bigger problems–
You already bought the land? You aren’t married and you have a volatile partner?
Man, this is a train wreck just waiting for one domino to fall.
Your partner gets his back up and chooses not to do what he needs to do to get it done–and endangers his employment every day. Once he quits, are you confident that he can get AND KEEP another job?
Do you KNOW boss is a jerk, or is this a situation where every boss your partner has had is mysteriously a jerk?
You’re working three jobs now? What happens if you can’t do them all?
Take a deep breath and be realistic about this.” Sea-Mud5386
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
But if your partner’s ability to get the mortgage and his job are so based on keeping his fragile job working for this jerk, then maybe you should postpone for a bit until your partner can find a steady job where each month you’re not worrying whether you will even have a paycheck based on the whims of a jerk boss.” Piclen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Sometimes you have to take a risk in life to get what you want. Telling off your MIL, boss, or whoever else just because you’re right is going to be counterproductive in a lot of situations. I could list a dozen personal anecdotes about situations where I regretted not biting my tongue or situations where I am grateful I did now that I’m distanced from the event.
But let me tell you, as someone who just bought a house a year ago as a newly 1099 and not W2, the process was miserable and I really doubt if we had to do it again today we would get approved, even with both of us having significant income/assets.
If he loses his job before you’re approved for a mortgage you may very well not be able to get another any time soon, either because most banks have strong work history requirements or because banks that are more lenient about this will often penalize you through higher rates/higher down payment.
Your partner’s boss is taking advantage of his power and you supporting him in his decision to leave sounds supportive and apt given the situation. If he decides to die on this hill now, when he’s a month away from quitting, knowing the consequences it will have on your life-altering plans and finances, then yeah, I’d be really annoyed too.
ETA: This is all assuming you are not overextending yourself financially by buying this house, to begin with, which working three jobs may suggest. But it’s not our place to judge your financial planning, and I assume you and your partner are on the same page about your desire to buy this house and your plans to pay for it after he leaves his job, and the only issue at hand is how to manage his awful boss until you do.” jaxpax22
5. AITJ For Not Putting More Gas In My Brother's Truck?
“I borrowed my brother’s truck today to move some things with his permission.
He has a truck and a car, so he took his car to work today and wasn’t put out at all.
I left work a little earlier, drove to his house, found the keys where he left them for me, and took care of what I needed to do.
When I got in the truck, there was a little under a quarter of a tank of gas in it. When I was done moving my stuff, I put $30 worth of gas in the truck which took it to just under a half tank of gas.
I returned the truck to his house, retrieved my vehicle, and sent my brother a text saying, ‘thanks for letting me use the truck, put some gas in it, and the keys are where you left them for me.’
Well, I just got a reply that he was disappointed I didn’t fill the truck up for him.
I drove less than 75 miles and could have done it on what gas was in there, but I replaced the gas I used and then some.
It may be important to add that my husband and I are both teachers while he is a lawyer and his wife is a psychologist. His car is electric, so he doesn’t feel the burn at the gas pump.
So, AITJ for not putting more gas in his truck?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I thought from the title you just didn’t fill anything up, and even though that kind of would be a jerkish move for me it really depends on how long or how far you borrowed someone else’s vehicle.
But this isn’t the case here you did put gas in it and this isn’t like if the truck was completely full and you completely emptied it, you did put gas in it and this isn’t a case where the truck was completely full and you completely emptied it and just put enough that you could make it back to their house.
He’s being stingy and you did nothing wrong.” afk_scorpio66
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
I was going to say NTJ and then you started justifying how you’re a teacher and he has a better job and a better fuel-efficient car. It sounds to me as if you’re trying to make it sound like he owes you for..
being more financially successful. He could have flat out said no and made you pay a ridiculous truck rental fee and didn’t. So I’m not sure what his job or other cars’ mileage has to do with this other than to honestly just make you sound slightly jealous.
However, you put back what you took plus a few bucks. I mean you could also argue the gas as well as wear and tear you added to was more than $30. But he should have been fine with the half tank of gas he got.
So in my opinion everyone sucks here.” 926dr
Another User Comments:
“If he didn’t make it a requirement of borrowing the truck, you weren’t under that obligation. You filled back what you used and a little extra which is fair. While it is sometimes considered polite to fill up the tank fully as a ‘thanks’, it is by far the norm and I would think your brother understands your financial situation either way.
NTJ.” PuertoRicoRules
4. AITJ For Wanting My Son To Lose Weight?
“I love my son very much but he’s always struggled with eating.
I think it must be somehow he’s wired differently & doesn’t ever feel full although doctors haven’t found anything wrong with him. He’s been in the obese category since he was 5 and now he’s 10. As he gets older, I find myself more and more anxious that it’ll spiral out of control.
We’ve tried lots of different attempts over the years to limit his food intake without him feeling self-conscious… but for one reason or another, they never stuck. Either he’d get one of his siblings to sneak him food, or his grandparents or my husband would feel bad for him and give in… or admittedly I’ve given in to him as well.
He’s tried sports. We’ve tried football, swimming & tennis and they’ve only seemed to make him hungrier.
What I’m saying is that I’m at the end of my rope. Maybe one of the most frustrating things to me is that he doesn’t seem to mind!
I’ve made sure to not make him feel negatively about his body but it’s almost worked too well as he has no desire to lose weight or eat less. He knows that he’s a bit bigger than the other boys in his class and he doesn’t mind, even though it’s not good for him.
I go to one of these weight loss groups (I won’t say which but I’m sure you are familiar) and one of the other ladies started bringing her daughter along too. It gave me an idea. I thought that if my son could see all these people trying to lose weight and be healthier, he might be motivated to change too.
My husband agreed that it was worth a try.
It did not go well. My son sulked and fidgeted the entire time, complaining that he was bored. It was quite embarrassing and I got more frustrated with him. Then afterward we got in the car and he says to me that he didn’t understand why he had to sit and listen to a bunch of fat old ladies complaining about being too fat, and I just…
lost it. I snapped at him and said that it was because he was too fat, and I didn’t want him to be a fat old man one day.
He didn’t say anything else to me in the car on the way back. A few hours later, he comes and asks if he had to go to the meeting again next week.
I asked if he wanted to and he nodded. But it’s left me with this horrible guilty feeling that I can’t shake… Is this just tough love or should I be rethinking my actions?
ETA: He has seen multiple doctors about this & none of the advice they’ve given has worked for him.
He will find a way around it, even if it’s begging his friends at school for their lunches. Yes, his weight is an issue and doctors are concerned. I’ve spent 5 years trying to solve this for my son’s health and future and I’m shocked at the number of people doubting it was an issue in the first place.
We also have plenty of healthy food in the house. The only unhealthy thing we regularly have available is some cookies and desserts every Friday and Sunday night. He snacks on bread, crackers, bananas, yogurts, cereal, raisins… basically anything. He will also go as far as to sneak food away.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Kids don’t need diets, they need to be taught to love themselves no matter what size they are, exercise is fun, and positivity surrounding food. He will develop an eating disorder if you shove this down his throat, my parents would constantly ridicule the amount I needed to eat, they criticized my weight all the time, and I developed an eating disorder by the time I was 12.
You may not think you are approaching this in a negative way, but you are. If you are concerned about his weight, talk to his dr, and not where he can hear. Exercise with him, run around, play tag or ball, or whatever he likes.
Teach him food is good, all types, and tell him to listen to his body, he may learn what foods make him feel bleh and others load him up with energy. Teach him to cook healthy foods.
There are way better ways to help him, but weight loss meetings say, mom will only love me if I lose weight, no matter how differently you think you are telling him.” This_womans_over_it
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get wanting to help him but from my own experience, people who put all this weight loss pressure on kids are just making the problem worse. I went to JC back in 2003… I was around 21 and didn’t have the best diet.
I was chubby but never considered myself overweight at 164lbs. 5ft. but my mom would keep commenting and making jabs and focusing on my weight. She finally took me to JC, and for a while, it worked but then the weight started creeping back up… I have since spent the last 20 years dieting.
I am at my heaviest weight now at 208lbs. A weight created by the recent happenings, heartbreak, depression all kinds of stuff. And what’s even suckier is when I look back at pictures of myself… senior prom… a wedding in 2005… I wasn’t fat at all.
And I wonder if my mom had just left me alone if I wouldn’t be where I am now.
It is one thing to encourage your kid to eat better. Stock your cupboards with healthier snacks… take him out to places that don’t require food as the main source of entertainment.
Keep finding activities for him. And keep trying different doctors. But you are nagging a 10-year-old… a TEN-year-old… he hasn’t even hit puberty yet.
For all we know, he’s going to hit a growth spurt and the weight will change. Shaming him and embarrassing him the way you did was 100% jerk there.
Maybe that tactic works… I dunno… but if you feel guilty about it; then good. You made your bed; now lay in it.” Sweet_Charming82
Another User Comments:
“YTJ… kinda. I can understand your concerns but honestly, my heart broke reading the part where you snapped. Kudos to you for trying to get him involved in sports etc but I think all this pressure on him will only harm him in the long run.
It’s not good it’s even gotten to this point.
These meetings aren’t going to be appropriate for someone his age and he’s unlikely to think about his health as consciously as adults do – he’s a kid after all, why would he care about it when he’s 10?
It’s your job as a parent to monitor and teach these things in a sensible manner – you don’t need to shame him but just explain why it’s not healthy, it doesn’t have to be personal.
I understand it’s hard to not give in but I think changing his diet and getting the whole family involved so that people aren’t going to sneak him food is the main thing.
Even if he says he’s hungry you know he’s just eaten, so he won’t starve. When he gets older he’ll probably become more active in clubs and sports like most boys do. Good luck!” liltigerbee
I wish you all luck and hope you find a solution.
3. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Drive Me Anywhere I Want To Go?
“My partner and I have been together for 2 years. He got banned from driving, a year and a half ago for driving under the influence. Pretty trashy of him, but he’s learned his lesson.
For the year he was banned, I acted as an Uber for him.
Buses are expensive and so are actual Ubers. I would take him to and collect him from work, take him to see his friends, and pick him up too, I’d drive him to see his mom who lives 25 miles away, and his sister who lives 5 miles.
Any time my partner wanted to do anything, I’d always take him there, and collect him when needed. He offered me funds for fuel, but I would never accept it.
Just before my partner got his license back, we agreed I wouldn’t have to drive anywhere for a year as he would do it all.
I’d park my car up and leave it sitting for exactly 1 year while he did all the driving. I don’t really like driving anyway, and he loves it, so a win-win situation.
For 5 months now he’s been driving me to work and collecting me, taking me to see my mom who lives local, etc. he’s kept to the agreement.
Now, my sister lives 300 miles across the county and she invited us both to stay with her for a weekend as it’s my nephew’s birthday. I asked my partner if he would drive us there, and he said no. I asked why, he said because he doesn’t want to drive that far.
I explained I would always take him to see his sister whenever he wanted and he said it’s different, she lives 15 minutes away and I could always drive my own car. I said it’s not fair, we agreed that it would be parked up.
I even offered him fuel money, but he won’t budge so now I’m annoyed at him for not sticking to the agreement.
I could drive my own car, but that’s not what we agreed, plus it’s very rare I see my sister due to the distance she lives so he could do it just this once.
AITJ?
EDIT: the drive-in total is about 4 hours.
I know parking my car up for a year isn’t very good for it. I’m planning on buying a new one and part of the agreement was he would drive for a year so I could save some money for a new one.
It’s got over 170,000 miles on it, whereas he has 30,000.
He LIKES driving. I do not. I have been driving for less than 2 years whereas he has been driving for 6. I am not totally confident yet.
It’s not like I’d expect him to do this regularly with me.
The trip was for BOTH of us and he even said he would love to come, so long as I drive. It would be a nice trip out of town for us.
This agreement was HIS idea. I offered to take him anywhere he needed to be because that’s what couples do.
I said he doesn’t have to do this, yet he insisted. I’m not forcing him to repay me, he simply offered and I took him up on it.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it can be exhausting driving to work and back but six hundred miles?
(300 there and 300 back again) all without you driving at all would be a nightmare not to mention the fact that even if you like driving that still doesn’t mean that you want to go that far or put that many miles on the car or tires.
He’s right as well it is in no way at all the same thing as driving to his sister when she’s only 15 mins away. How can you even try and make that comparison?
Also if you are getting a new car anyway then just take yours and do half the driving each.
Offering to drive him everywhere while a nice thing to do probably made him feel obligated to offer the same thing in return especially as you refused to be repaid for your efforts in gas money so this is just you clearly trying to take advantage of his kindness and generosity and desire to be fair.
This trip should be the exception, every rule has one. YTJ.” Silvermorney
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know, I guess my ‘middle America’ is gonna show here a bit, but I think all the YTJs are being a little extra about how awful of a drive 300 miles is.
I’m assuming most of that would be interstate highways, which often have speed limits of ~70, so maybe 5 hours of driving each way, if I round up to account for traffic conditions, stops, times you have to drive through cities, etc. I don’t really think that’s as extreme as a lot of people are suggesting.
That’s a pretty standard length for a weekend trip where I’m from, but maybe it hits different if you’re from somewhere where things aren’t so spread out, I guess.
That said, I’m not sure this agreement was an awesome idea in the first place. The way your post is worded, it sounds like the origin of the agreement wasn’t him losing his license and saying ‘hey if you drive me around during this time, I’ll drive you around afterward.’ If it was that kind of explicit transaction, I’d think he had a stronger obligation to uphold his end of the bargain than if you drove him around voluntarily all that time, and then requested that he return the favor once he was about to get his license back.
The former would mean he asked you to inconvenience yourself to benefit him in exchange for him doing the same for you later, which is the kind of deal I think he’d be the jerk to go back on now. The latter, though, is more like ‘hey, since I did a lot of driving for you, would you mind doing some for me?’ which I think gives him more wiggle room to say ‘look, I said I’d drive you around, but I meant locally, this is more than I agreed to.’ Basically, the difference between ‘I will sell you this tasty pie for $10’ and ‘here is a gift of a tasty pie!
Now that you’ve finished eating it, would you mind giving me $10?’
I don’t think you’re wrong to ask, but unless I’m misreading the nature of the agreement, I don’t think he’s completely out of line to say no. I don’t personally think 300 miles is that insane of a drive, but apparently, enough people do that I have to conclude that some people would see this as a really big ask, and I guess your partner is one of them.
So I’m gonna say no jerks here.” angryonline
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You made the choice to act as his personal chauffeur after he lost his license for something totally irresponsible. I’m failing to see what the consequences were there that would make him learn from it.
Doesn’t sound like he was ever really inconvenienced.
You’re creating a lot of unnecessary stress for yourself when you could just be an adult about it. Split the drive and the cost, or drive yourself and leave him there. No, ‘bUt ThE aGrEeMeNt.’ It was a dumb, unrealistic agreement.
People don’t always follow through. You should remember that before you make the choice to voluntarily cart someone around for an entire year and a half to keep them from suffering the consequences of their own actions. If you don’t like that he’s not following through, realize that you can’t MAKE him, stop whining about it, and either accept it or dump him.” ConferenceDecent4222
2. AITJ For Beating My Partner's Mother In Monopoly?
“So we had decided to celebrate Easter at my house with my family a few weeks ago but my significant other accidentally forgot to tell his mom. I can forgive him, the poor guy works his butt off. Well, the day before Easter we were hanging out at his place, his mother had moved in and is moving out in about a month into her own place.
Anyways she turns to my SO and asks him when does HE want to eat Easter dinner the next day. Now I emphasize HE because I’m sitting right there and it’s clear I’m not even on her mind in inviting me. Something that has been going on since we met, she forgets or purposely excludes me in everything even conversations but I digress.
My SO immediately realizes his mistake and apologizes, explaining he was celebrating at my house. She is annoyed and he offers to celebrate Monday with her since she had bought a ham so we thought it was over.
So we decided we wanted to play Monopoly and I’m feeling bad about what happened so I invite her to play with us.
Big mistake because she is taking it really seriously and I’m kinda a Monopoly wiz, grew up playing it with my family after Sunday dinner. Now I hold back because the last thing I want is to turn this into a Monopoly battle but I end up winning.
I told his mom not to feel bad about losing because I’ve been playing this forever so I have a certain strategy from playing with my family.
Well, on Easter morning my SO tells me we won’t be playing Monopoly with mom ever again, I guess she thought I play arrogantly or something dumb like that.
That I’m mean when I play or something which is nonsense.
We brush it off until Easter lunch comes around and my SO’s phone is blowing up, his little sister lives on the Eastcoast and she’s annoyed that my SO isn’t celebrating with his mom.
He tries to explain that they were celebrating Monday but she isn’t having any of it and he ignores her.
Monday comes and they celebrate together, everyone seems cool or so I thought until last night. His older sister who is basically crazy and loves wine too much but lives only 2 hours away, starts blowing up my phone via Messenger at 2 am.
Wakes me out of deep sleep and starts accusing me of being mean to her mother. Adds some lies that her mother has onset dementia and it’s my SO’s responsibility to take care of her. Completely false on all accounts. After nearly an hour of this, finally she stops but apparently sometime today she called his younger sister and now it’s WW3 between the entire family.
My SO keeps telling me this isn’t my fault but it all relates to me and I feel like crap.
So am I the jerk for not telling my SO’s mom that he was celebrating Easter with me and beating her in Monopoly?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your SO really blew it and now you know you’ll have to follow up with him on stuff like this. It wasn’t your responsibility to tell her, but once you realized his mother would be alone on Easter, it would have been really nice to see if she could come to your family’s celebration.” NGDGUnpunished
Another User Comments:
“Well, your SO is the one I would say is the jerk here. So YTJ if we’re supposed to be treating you both as the same side.
The fact is he forgot to tell her. She found out the day before and only after it came up in conversation.
They live together and he didn’t notice she bought the ham? Those take up a lot of fridge space. No matter how you wanna excuse it he dropped the ball.
As for the other family members being upset, they’re choosing to keep this going on their own.
They’re mad. His mom isn’t a jerk for their choices.
The game stuff and the whole targeting you stuff seem way too subjective. Nobody can tell if you were mean or not.” thedancingrose13
1. AITJ For Yelling At A Kid At My Grandma's House?
“I (17,m) visit my grandma frequently, and she is a big part of my life. One evening my mom and I came over to my grandma’s house to visit them and have a chat. While we were sitting and talking, a neighbor came over.
Now a little on this woman: She has some kids and to put it bluntly, they’re brats. She never disciplines them, and just kind of lets them do whatever they want. There are some other issues with her but these are relevant to the story.
She has a husband who is more strict with the kids, but since he works a lot he isn’t often there to enforce the rules.
So back to the story: She came in with one of her kids and asked me and my mom to take a look at some kid’s watch for her son.
While we were doing that, her kid said she wanted her phone. Her mom said she can’t have it right now, and the kid went wild. Yelling, jumping on her, and throwing a tantrum. The mom just sat there and smiled, not one attempt to control her kid.
Now my grandma, who never yells at kids, tried to stop the kid, but to no use. The fact that the mom let the kid act like that bothered me, and I yelled at the kid. Nothing much, I just said that if she doesn’t stop acting like that, she will not get the watch or something, I don’t really remember well.
The mom just sat there, as usual doing nothing. We didn’t figure out how to start the watch, and they left shortly after.
Another neighbor, who is also an elderly woman came over, and we told her the story. She and my grandma agree with me, but my mom called me a jerk and told me that I am nobody to yell at someone else’s kid and that it’s the mom’s responsibility.
When my sister heard the story, she agreed with my mom.
Now I don’t care usually if kids are brats, but I do however care if they’re acting up at my or my grandparents’ house. I would have done nothing if the mom did something to stop her kid, but she didn’t.
This frustration caused by this also kinda caused an argument with my grandpa, but it wasn’t related to this situation, and with respect to that I do believe I was a jerk. However, we both got over it after like 30 minutes.
So, AITJ for yelling at the kid?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for yelling at the kid but I definitely would have wanted to do the same, but I know it’s not appropriate to do so. I think it gets a bit confusing in that it was in your family’s home – so if someone was acting inappropriately in your house I think it’s right to tell them off.
I really can’t stand people who don’t discipline their kids though, I’ve definitely given kids a stern look because their parents weren’t doing anything.” liltigerbee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If a parent abdicates their responsibility to mentor their child, and the child is behaving dangerously, other people around do have to put a stop to it.
I feel for those children because they are going to experience a lot of rejection for being unable to self-regulate.” AffectionateMine2220
Another User Comments:
“You gave a child who isn’t yours a consequence you can’t enforce. How is that helping any behavioral issue?
If the kid still acted out, the kid will still get the watch.
Extinction, where you don’t give attention whether positive or negative to a tantrum, is a valid behavioral modification choice.
YTJ. If it bothers you so much, leave the room.” Shaking-Cliches
