People Get Snarky In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Hiding My Brother's Toilet Seat To Protect My Disabled Mother?
“My brother (31) and I (26) are both grown adults living with my Mother (58).
I live with her because currently she and I are both fully disabled and we help each other do what the other cannot. We work as a team to pick up for each other and are living off of disability income.
My brother is recovering from addiction and we’re both very proud of him. This is the reason he’s currently living with us. He needed a safe place to fall while he got his life together and is 9 months sober. Now my mother and I both have disabilities that make walking and getting up from a sitting position difficult.
Recently my mother was informed to use more aids around the house due to a recent hospitalization, we agreed and have gotten a raised toilet seat with handles.
My brother threw a fit over it. He keeps making excuses as to why he hates it and they never match up.
First, he hated the height of it, his feet didn’t touch the ground, and he could see himself in the mirror and he hated it, he couldn’t use the restroom on it, there was nowhere to wipe, and it hurt him to sit on it.
We just kind of ignored the complaints until my mother almost fell into the restroom the other night. He has been unscrewing it, removing it, putting our old toilet seat that’s been behind the laundry hamper back, and using it.
He replaces the seat, which is fine but I’m worried about another incident happening of it not being screwed in fully. Both my mother and I have very severe memory issues and we aren’t going to remember to check it.
When confronted with this he threw his excuses up again and blamed us for “not being aware of our surroundings” and that we should check every time we go to the restroom if it’s screwed in fully or not. If I fall that’s one thing, but her falling at her age would be much worse.
We have a locked shed out back that he doesn’t have access to the key to. I hid his toilet seat with the boxes we have back there and locked it up tight. He hasn’t come home yet but I expect backlash.
AITJ in this situation for not finding a solution that works for all three?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it’s time for your brother to move out with his toilet seat. This is your and your mother’s home, not HIS and he doesn’t appreciate the help.
Give him notice to move out and keep the seat locked until the day he goes. Then change the locks” Organic_Start_420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but realistically if he’s going to be living there for a while you maybe need to look together for a solution that suits you all.
Maybe tell him you’re happy to look at alternatives with him but to do that he needs to be honest and just say what it is he doesn’t like about it.” Brave_Tradition_1132
20. AITJ For Letting My Friend's Child Sleep On The Floor And Refusing To Apologize To Her Judgmental Mother?
“My (20nb) best friend Mary (20f) has a 4-year-old son Joey. I adore Joey and I watch him often while his mother goes to work. Joey has issues sleeping. Most times when I’m asked to watch him it’s after school late into the night so I have to give him dinner, a bath, and put him to bed. Yesterday I picked him up from the bus and once we back to his house, a 2 bedroom apartment just across the road from my house, I made him dinner and he then asked to play pirates.
Of course, I agreed so he got his costume on and we started playing until he grew tired and lay down on the floor and fell right asleep. I wasn’t going to wake him up because I knew how hard his mother had to work just to get him to lie in his bed so I just put a pillow under him and gave him a blanket and I waited till his mom came home.
When she came home she had her mom with her, Joey’s grandma. We are okay with each other but we are clear that we do not enjoy each other’s company. She disagrees with the way I live my life and my beliefs and that’s fine.
Mary thanked me for watching him and took him to his bed. His grandma then asked why Joey was on the floor in the first place and I told her that’s where he fell asleep and I didn’t want to move him because it’s hard to get him to sleep most nights.
She then started berating me saying things like that making a child sleep on the floor was mistreatment and that just because I was raised in a barn-like environment doesn’t mean I can treat other people’s kids like that. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to start an argument and wake Joey up so when Mary came back downstairs I simply thanked her and left without another word.
Well, about 10 minutes later Mary messaged me saying her mother was in distress about something that I said and that she didn’t like how I talked to her mother and would like me to apologize and that it’s not okay to be a jerk to her mom just because we don’t like each other.
I told her I never said anything to her mother and that it was her mother who was being rude to me and calling me abusive I stated that I had nothing to apologize for and that until her mother left I would not watch Joey or be around Mary because I did nothing to deserve being berated the way her mother berated me.
Mary simply said that she understood and we haven’t seen each other since. It’s been 2 days. Was I wrong to let Joey sleep on the floor? Should I have just apologized for something that I didn’t say or do? AITJ for letting a 4-year-old sleep on the floor and not moving him to his bed?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But her mother is a real pip that one. It was fine to let him sleep on the floor. Her mother’s reaction (note: she waited until Mary had left the room) to you and her rude and hateful was way out of line.
You handled it perfectly. Her mother is a nasty schemer that one.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You didn’t say anything, and she would have deserved it if you did. Nothing wrong with letting a kid pass out where they fall, Especially one with issues falling and staying asleep.
If he wasn’t comfortable on the floor, he wouldn’t have passed out on the floor. Liars infuriate me, especially judgmental liars like that grandmother that Joey was unfortunately burdened with.” Scary-Welder8404
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sleepovers when I was a kid consisted of all of us sleeping on the living room floor, regardless of whose house we were at, at the time.
Sleeping on the floor is a normal part of childhood. We even slept on the barn loft floor during summers. You shouldn’t apologize to someone who was being verbally abusive to you simply because they don’t like your lifestyle. Grandma was playing victim when she was the villain and you pointed that out to Mary perfectly.” SweeperOfChimneys
19. AITJ For Telling My Friend It's Her Fault She's Doesn't Have A Partner?
“Around June of this year, my friend confided in me and told me that she had never been on a date, had never been kissed, and had never been intimate.
She told me she felt insecure about all of this and was convinced that men did not like her enough to be with her, especially if they knew she was a “virgin”.
I comforted her and told her that nobody would care if she had never been with anyone and was in no way required to tell a man her relationship history anyway.
We talked a lot about putting herself out there and going out more and building confidence etc. She expressed to me that she was ready to date!
I tend to keep my social life pretty busy, going out a lot, traveling for the weekends when I can, hosting group hangouts, and whatnot.
I took to inviting her to more of these events than before, even with the friend circles she was not as familiar with. I even straight-up introduced her to a guy friend who I thought was her type.
Well, last night she asked me to come over and then sobbed about how unlovable she was and how nobody wants her.
I then asked her if she had been talking with people when we went out if she had been flirting and if she was even on relationship apps. She said NO to all of these. I was like well wait a minute I thought you said you wanted to date it doesn’t sound like you’ve been trying to date.
I asked her if anything happened with the guy friend I introduced her to and she said he didn’t seem interested in her when they spoke one time.
At this point, I am kind of baffled by her behavior, especially because she is a sobbing mess.
I asked her what she expected to happen after we talked in June and she said she was disappointed that no men approached her in public flirting or anything. I said well you haven’t approached men either and she said she’s more comfortable if men approach because she’s too nervous.
I then told her that it was entirely her fault she wasn’t getting dates because she wasn’t even trying, which made her cry harder. I went on and told her that she needs to stop playing the “nobody likes me” excuse because she won’t even talk to men she likes.
She told me to get out of her apartment and then later texted me and told me that was the meanest thing anyone had ever said to her and she was reconsidering our friendship. I responded and told her that I cared for her but she needed a wake-up call big time.
This morning, I do feel bad for being so harsh, but I was beyond frustrated after having this conversation for months and then finding out she wasn’t even doing anything about it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! It sounds like your friend is waiting for a man to fall from the sky and appear in her lap.
It’s quite astounding really. I feel like there is more to this story like perhaps your friend is extremely unattractive or socially awkward in some way. Either way, none of this is your fault. You can’t help those who won’t help themselves.” JimmyAintSure4646
Another User Comments:
“The wording was harsh but NTJ. Maybe 10-20 years ago she could hope to be approached, but the game has changed. Some men still approach but most get on the apps. The whole “I’m hopeless” thing gets old fast when you try to help the person and they don’t listen.
If she wants to date she should learn how to date. Or to your point, she could approach them” JgoldTC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, a partner isn’t just going to fall into her lap. I made the first move with my husband so I can’t relate as I will go after what I want.
She’s also got to understand that men can be just as hesitant to make the first move. She won’t find a partner without putting herself out there.” IAmTAAlways
18. AITJ For Sending Money Instead Of Attending My Brother's Funeral?
“My F43 brother (M33 at the time of death in January 2018) passed away on his birthday. He had been struggling with addiction which got only worse after the death of our mother a few months prior ( February 2017).
He was unemployed.
The death of my mother devastated me, I am the firstborn and have been co-parenting my siblings to my single widowed mother. I live abroad and my whole family remained in our country. My Mother was a teacher and didn’t earn a lot of money.
We were 6 siblings and of the six only 2 had careers and income despite all of us having higher education. I won’t get into specifics, it’s just to say that most of my family looked to me for financial assistance.
I’m married, and have a decent job but don’t earn extravagantly. My husband has a white-collar job and we own our home with a small mortgage. All this to say we don’t have a lot of money in savings but mostly in assets.
When my mother passed, I was confronted with funeral costs and traveling costs that cost me almost 20k €. All by myself! My husband couldn’t even afford to come with me because of the cost. When my sis said we had to pay for everything, this shocked me because most of my mother’s siblings are well off.
I’m talking about ministers and members of parliament in my country. They said since I lived abroad I should be able to afford it. They are going through hard times too.
In my culture, we feed the mourners for the duration of the funeral. Arrange transportation etc. The whole thing cost so much and stressed me that I couldn’t even mourn my mother properly.
I had to deal with people asking me for money to solve their problems while at it. Just traumatizing.
After buying the burial plot and casket and payment for body preparation I was just broke. I flew back home to my husband and finally got to mourn my mother.
A few months later my brother went drinking with his friends on his birthday, came back home, went to bed, and never woke up. I got the call about the news and got my heart broken again.
We looked at our financial situation and after the experience of my mother’s funeral, we concluded that :
1: I fly back there to attend the funeral but won’t be able to afford said funeral.
2: I send everything I saved ( almost 15k € to my sis so she can organize a decent funeral for my brother and afford to feed mourners.
I couldn’t afford both. I chose to send the money despite how much I wanted to go so my brother could get a decent funeral and be laid to rest. I recently heard from a cousin that my relatives call me a jerk and cruel/ heartless.for sending money and not attending a funeral. We asked for help to cover the funeral. They said they couldn’t afford to help us.
I thought being pragmatic was the best decision, was I wrong?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You couldn’t manage, you couldn’t pay, and you had already taken care of all the costs of your mother’s burial. Many people falsely assume that those living abroad are rich, which is not the case.
Your mother’s siblings should have helped you out.” KarinSpaink
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But stop funding them, they don’t deserve it. They treat you like a walking ATM and don’t even respect you for it. Aunts and Uncles seem to have well-paying jobs and still expect you to pay for all when you barely can afford it.
Now with your brother, they even call you a jerk despite sending them all your savings. No way I’d send them another dime or let you do it if you were my wife.” DRTvL
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you hadn’t paid for his funeral and yet you had come to the funeral, I think they would have been nasty to you.
Loudly. Implying you are a bad sister for not helping out financially. I think the route you took was the best you could take. Your siblings like to project, they want to show everybody they aren’t in the wrong, but their greedy sister is.
That’s rich coming from people with a sister who had already financed an expensive funeral before, taking the burden that should be shared, because others refused. Your siblings want to feel good about themselves and seek outside sources for their misfortunes.
I would implore you to think about what to do and about what happens when another sibling dies.” MillionPossibilitie5
17. AITJ For Threatening To Leave My Husband If He Doesn't Seek Professional Help For His Substance Use?
“My husband (32) has a heavy drinker mom who divorced his dad and married another heavy drinker.
My husband and his sister were raised by two heavy drinkers and his real father who was not a heavy drinker (passed away)
I didn’t think much about my husband’s drinking (4/5 times a week) The problem began when I realized he was taking big gulps of scotch directly from the bottle (came back from the gym early a couple of times) he said it’s not usual and he’d never do it again and he’ll drink openly when he wants to.
Fast forward 2 weeks and I got home unexpectedly, I saw him drink directly from the bottle again (take a few big gulps), and when he realized I saw that – he said it was anxiety and depression that made him do it and began crying.
We decided to get rid of the booze at home after couples therapy to stop these fights and also because my husband has an overactive bladder. He has wet the bed 15 times last year. I made a urologist’s appointment – we got medication that we had to stop because it was expensive and at the time our old insurance was not covering it.
Anyway, after some research I said that he should stop drinking excessive liquids from 7 PM (we sleep around 11) and got a watch that vibrates to wake him up thrice before 7 AM during his deep sleep.
I still have to wake him up even with the watch because sometimes he doesn’t get up and sleeps through it.
On days that he forgets the watch, he wets the bed.
Since booze isn’t allowed at home he has bought and hidden Kratom black liquid and CBD. I am using this recreationally but not daily. Kratom when I found hidden, I asked him how long he’s been taking this and he said a full year (hidden consumption the whole time) We had CBD outside stored in front for everyone to use if he wanted to use it, but he bought 3 boxes of gummies and hid it.
When I found it – he said it was for his mom because ‘when she has a gummy, she doesn’t drink’ and they get high together one weekend every month when he visits them.
I told my husband that he is using various substances to treat his anxiety and depression rather than seeing a psychiatrist. His friends have made snide remarks about his drinking in the past as jokes.
We were supposed to have kids next year but now he tells me that he’s not ready for the responsibility because ‘I can’t take care of myself how will I take care of a child” – He doesn’t want to buy a house either because ‘it’s more responsibility” – even with me being an equal financial contributor.
My husband feels like all these are real responsibilities apart from being married and he’s worried he can’t get high. We have had 3 accidents last year with his reckless driving and 2 this year (only car body damage)
AITJ for asking my husband to see a psychiatrist or it’s over?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this isn’t something he’ll fix with being forced to see a psychiatrist. He’s been lying to you for years. Then, when caught, he lies even more. Are you sure he’s not drinking?
Also, why isn’t he wearing protective undergarments if he’s wetting the bed? Re: the urologist: you said you made the urologist’s appointment and “we” got medication and “we” had to stop. Was the medication prescribed to you?
He needs to start taking responsibility for his life and for his choices. You said your “old” insurance didn’t cover the meds (yours, his) but what about the new insurance? He needs to get more medical treatment but it has to be his choice.
If you’re in the US, it could take 6 months or more to get in to see a private psychiatrist. Are you just going to wait that long? Your husband grew up with a heavy drinker mother who probably lied quite a bit to her spouse.
Seems like he picked up her habits.” National_Pension_110
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Yes, your husband is spiraling out of control. At least he has some presence of mind to not drag you deeper, with a house and kids but that isn’t much better.
Help needs psychiatric help and AA, you need to contact your local Al-Anon for yourself on how to deal with his sickness. Or yeah, you need to leave him if you can’t solve this with him. The hiding, the lying, and the car accidents are just going to get worse, and he may end up killing himself or someone else.
Contact AL-Anon, they are experts on living with a heavy drinker spouse and can point you in the right direction.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“I think you both are jerks. Him for the lying and you for being ignorant and naive.
This man has big problems and getting a psychiatrist is the least of your problems, you are aware that heavy drinkers wet themselves right? And it sounds like he is drinking and driving and the fact that you know this and it is continuing makes it even worse, how are you going to feel when he kills a family?
You need to leave like yesterday.” No-Distribution-9556
16. AITJ For Wanting To Move My Mum In With Me To Save Money?
“In September 2022 my dad (my sister’s stepdad) passed away.
Our mum (78F) still owned half the house my dad lived in after they divorced back in 1991. I inherited my dad’s half. There has never been any argument over the funds. What I got from my dad is mine and what she gets from her dad is hers.
Anything from our mum is split.
Our mum lives in a council bungalow for the over 65s (I guess like a retirement village?). In June 2024, my mum and I sold the house my dad lived in, neither of us could live in the house due to too many bad memories.
I do not have enough funds to buy a house in the area my family all live in (Surrey) without starting a considerable mortgage at 38. I’d have to borrow at least 200k for even a 2-bedroom flat.
I found a 4-bedroom house within my budget in Essex but it’s a 1.5-2 hours drive away depending on traffic.
My sister had no problem with me moving this far away.
My mum is no longer eligible for benefits since we sold the house and if she stays living in her bungalow for 12 years she would have spent everything she got on rent.
So I asked my mum to come live with me when my house sale was completed, she would save close to £1100 PCM living with me rent/mortgage free compared to living in her council bungalow. The deal is that I buy the house and she pays all the bills till I find a job in the new area and 50% of bills after that (leaving her £1100 a month better off once I am working).
Today my sister cried to our mum that I am splitting our family up and how I’m taking her mum away and it’s too far to drive for a visit without staying over (“I can’t take time off work”….she is a self-employed cleaner).
We explained the only way we could get something ideal for Mum and closer was if I borrowed funds from our mum, and bought a more expensive house, and when Mum died I had to sell my home so my sister could have her inheritance.
I am not happy with this option because if mum lives till she is 100 that is 22 years and I would have to sell up and move at close to 60 years old with no younger family to help. My sister didn’t see a problem with this.
I admittedly lost my temper a bit because I have lived an hour’s drive from our family before, and no one ever visited me. It was always me driving from Farnborough to Surrey and back, every other weekend. It upset me that no one ever visited me back then and that it only seemed to be because Mum was coming with me.
My sister stormed out and I couldn’t see us speaking again, she seemed more than happy for me to not have a good home life as long as she didn’t have to drive too far.
Am I being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry but British issues like this seem so unreal. You lived an hour away from family before and no one visited you? Do you guys drive tanks? Have roads been down since the war? I’m not getting why an hour/hour and a half make so much difference get in your cars and visit each other idk.
I’m going with ESH because you and your sister just seem to want to get back and nitpick with each other. At the end of the day, your mom is a grown woman who is free to make her own choices for what’s best for her in the long run.
I would focus on that in your discussions with your sister” Illustrious_Bird9234.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It is HARD to find affordable homes in HCOL areas. Just the fact that you’re able to get anything big enough to share with your mother is amazing.
If your sister and your mother are willing to live together, they can go do that, but you shouldn’t have to shell out for a more costly location for your sister’s convenience. The expense is just so outlandish, that’s an unfair expectation.
It sucks that housing costs do push families apart like this–that’s a systemic issue, though, not something you can fix out of your pocket.” Amiedeslivres
15. AITJ For Refusing To Care For My Grandparents Due To My Aunt's Negligence?
“I (28F) am facing a dilemma with my 92-year-old grandparents, who are visiting for three weeks. I was their part-time caretaker and helped run my grandfather’s business until he retired and they moved up north to live with my oldest aunt (69F).
The plan was to split their time between my mother’s house and my aunt’s house nearby (a 5 bed, 2 1/2 bath house with lots of space). However, my aunt is out of town and agreed to let them stay only if another aunt (65F), retired, and stayed with them.
My grandparents cannot be left alone due to my grandmother’s mobility issues.
For the weekend they stayed at our small cottage (2 beds 1 bath), they can’t stay with us during the week because my mother’s job is physically taxing and needs her bed, and because there’s no one to watch them.
Alongside my day job, I run an online business from 5 to 12. Last week, my in-person job unexpectedly closed for this week. I was fine with it because I knew I’d have extra time to focus on my business.
But once my aunt found out I wasn’t working this week she changed her mind about watching them.
She was supposed to cook dinner for them on Sunday but instead went out on our boat with friends. Yesterday, I heard a noise outside and found that my aunt had dropped off my grandparents without notifying me. I found my grandmother in our driveway seconds from falling onto power tools.
If I wasn’t there she would have been seriously hurt. After I made sure she was safe, I left to find my aunt and ask her to come get them. She was sunbathing.
I feel like I’ve done enough for them and I need to focus on my own life.
They have 7 kids and 22 grandkids who can watch them besides me. They’ve taken advantage of my kindness in the past (I never got paid for the work I did with my grandfather or for being their caretaker) and I’m done.
The next day, I parked my car at the end of our long driveway to deter my aunt from dropping them off. My aunt blew up at me for this and came to my house screaming at me. She also asked if my grandparents could stay at my mother’s house from Weds to Fri, because she needed to drive 4 hours home for some documents she ‘forgot’ to bring with her.
I declined, explaining that although I work from home, I can’t supervise my grandparents. I told her it was unfair to place this responsibility on me, and that if she’s going to commit to looking after them then she needs to take on all of the responsibilities associated. Especially since I’m not their child, just their grandchild.
I suggested she take them with her if she needed to go.
She exploded at me, claiming I was making my grandparents feel unwelcome, and tried to contact my boss’s wife. Fortunately, my boss’s wife agrees with my stance.
My aunt has since taken them with her to retrieve her documents.
Am I the jerk for refusing to watch them? Was I in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your aunt is the jerk. She is flaking out.
If you want to avoid drama, just tell them you are working in your business. “and tried to contact my boss’s wife. ” .. THIS is where you block your aunt’s number, and go NC with her.” Excellent-Count4009
14. AITJ For Not Preventing My Son From Spraying The TV While I Was Putting My Other Kids To Bed?delete
“My (30) son (3) is autistic and gets into things fairly frequently and quickly.
I was putting my oldest 3 children to bed in another room, and my son was in the room with a spray bottle spraying the corner of the TV with water, without my knowledge. When I came back into the room I saw what he was doing, and quickly took the spray bottle away and told him no, and that’s not appropriate behavior.
His dad (39) had left to the store without letting me know, so I assumed he was here and supervising our son while I put my oldest kids to bed, and when I saw he wasn’t I of course took action myself.
After a while, I sat down to watch TV, and my partner walked back into the room, pretty much at the same time I had sat down. I realized the TV wasn’t turning on, and told him “The TV isn’t turning on, I think it’s because (or son) was spraying the TV with a spray bottle of water in the bottom corner a little bit ago”.
Frustrated, my partner then said “So you watched him spray the TV, and didn’t stop him?” I told him no, of course I stopped him, but I don’t know how long he was spraying the TV because I was putting the other kids to bed”.
He then made a comment about how my older 3 kids always need help and can’t be “independent” for anything, and how I should have been here to watch our son. I then mentioned that I had thought he was here because he had left to the store and didn’t tell me anything.
He responded to that with “You should have called me if your kids needed help that badly getting to bed that you had to leave the room”.
Now my partner is upset the TV is broken and blames me for it, and isn’t speaking to me, and is furious with our son.
I don’t understand what I did wrong, I feel like it’s a normal thing to say goodnight to your children, it’s not a “need”, it’s more of a nurturing thing, my oldest kids are also not old enough (they’re 10,9, and 6) to do everything on their own, so, naturally, they need me as I am their mother.
I also don’t know why I should’ve assumed that he had left somewhere, because I was upstairs and had no idea since I couldn’t hear the front door open and shut. I also did take the spray bottle away as soon as I saw my son spraying the TV, so I felt like I acted appropriately.
My partner also commented how I didn’t bother to wipe the TV down because when he came into the room he saw me “sitting on the bed letting the TV marinate” when I did wipe the TV down, I just left a couple of streaks.
I don’t know I’m just super confused at the moment on why I’m being ignored for something that I had no control over, and I’m also confused how the tv broken is my fault at all. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like you were doing your best to manage multiple responsibilities at once. You were putting your older kids to bed, which is a normal part of your routine as a parent while assuming your partner was keeping an eye on your 3-year-old.
When you realized your son was spraying water on the TV, you took action and addressed the situation as soon as you could. Your partner’s reaction seems unfair and dismissive of the situation. It’s not reasonable to expect you to be in two places at once, especially when he left without informing you.
Accidents happen, especially with young children, and blaming you for something that could have happened to anyone isn’t productive. He’s frustrated, which is understandable, but taking it out on you and ignoring you over this isn’t helpful.
It might be worth sitting down with him to discuss how you both can handle situations like this better in the future, but you’re not the jerk for what happened.” Serendipity_Calling
Another User Comments:
“One shouldn’t leave any 3-year-old alone.
Your partner sounds like a self-centered jerk. To blame you for what happened to the TV is unreasonable. He should have been there to stop him, but he had to go out to the store, so he blames you. I think you need a sit down with him or couples counseling.
NTJ” tuffyowner
13. AITJ For Having Issues With My Roommate's Friends Overstepping Boundaries?
“I’m having issues with my roommate. I own the home so the power dynamic is off, I want to make sure I’m not being a jerk.
We’ve been living together for 6 months and initially, things were great. I always encouraged her to have friends over, we threw a few parties where our friend groups mixed. All was good. I struggle to define boundaries so it’s possible I’m in the wrong here for not speaking up sooner.
The problems started when she brought her friend and two random guys home one night 2 months ago. I woke up and asked her friend not to fool around on the couch. We all laughed and I went to bed. They hooked up.
My roommate has insisted that they ‘just’ fooled around. To be honest, I don’t care I just wasn’t pleased. A week after this I noticed the couch was broken. I was upset and told my roommate I felt like it was because of her friend and the guy.
She was upset at the insinuation and said that she understood being annoyed, but my assumptions about her friends were unfair. I apologized and we left it there.
1 month ago I stayed away for a night. The next day I noticed a sweater in my room.
I handed it to my roommate and she said ‘Oh that’s my friend’s, we got ready here’. I didn’t say anything.
Last week I wanted a some medication after a dental procedure. I checked my bathroom cabinet where I keep mine, and they were gone.
I asked my roommate and she said she had no idea what happened.
This weekend while I was away for the night, I saw on Instagram that her friend (who slept on the couch) posted a story with my roommate and some guy I’ve never met in my bedroom (using my mirror for the photo).
That night around 6 am, she brought that same friend with a guy back to the apartment.
I tried chatting with her yesterday but I didn’t feel it went well. I didn’t mention them being in my room as to be honest, we didn’t even get there.
I said I wasn’t comfortable with her friends bringing guys back to hook up. She was VERY uncomfortable and said things like ‘I don’t know why you’re bringing this up when we’ve already discussed it/they didn’t even fool around/there were sheets on the couch/I feel like you’re suggesting I’m some gross person who lets people have gatherings in the sitting room’.
I reassured her that I was not judging, just expressing preference. Honestly, I’m disheartened by the convo. I feel like she victimized herself using the power dynamic against me.
I plan to reopen the discussion this evening after work as there are things that haven’t been discussed. I.e., people entering my room.
I wonder if it would be acceptable for me to express that she has many lovely friends who I genuinely enjoy seeing, but these two specific friends (couch and the one who left her clothes in my bedroom) are not being considerate of the fact that she doesn’t live alone and I’m not comfortable at all with their lack of boundaries.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your roommate is taking advantage of how nice you are. She knows darn well her friend is bringing guys over to hook up, including what sounds like your room/bed. She knows they fooled around on the couch and broke it.
She knows they took your prescription medication but is playing dumb about it. That or she took it herself, doesn’t matter, because either way it’s gone due to her. It’s your house, did you set up a lease agreement? What did it say about guests?
I think you’re well within your rights to put your foot down about who is allowed into your house, especially after all that’s been going on (in your bedroom, theft of prescription meds, destruction of property). She has rights as a renter, but that doesn’t mean it’s a free-for-all either.
Also, set up a camera in your room. I’d also get a lock for my door and when I’m gone, it’s locked. She’s proven to not be trustworthy and is bringing shady people into your home.” Caspian4136
Another User Comments:
“YTJ To yourself. Allowing this Roommate to walk all over you & not bringing up that this is your home. Your privacy is being invaded. Medication stolen. Sleeping in your bedroom. Are you this big of a doormat? She knows exactly what she’s doing, and she says what she says because… wait for it…SHE KNOWS YOU WILL BACK DOWN.
She’s got your number, it’s up to you to disconnect that number.” Traditional-Bag-4508
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if you are just telling your roommate to ask those people not to go in your room or hook up in the common area.
With that being said, you may come off as a jerk if you are trying to tell your roommate that they are not allowed to have that person over at all.” urbanrenewal420
12. AITJ For Feeling Uncomfortable With An Autistic Kid's Behavior At Our DnD Game?
“I’m a 30 y.o F DnD player.
I’ve been playing for about a year now and I love it. I play at a local small geek shop near my apartment and the people are amazing. I’ve been gone for about 2 months and came back today for my first game in a while.
I was so excited, and most of the table were old faces. Out of the new players, I recognized a kid I had seen in the store but never played with before. He seems to be around 16. It started well but it was obvious the kid had autism and could not read social cues.
He showed up with no dice, and I let him borrow one of my sets. He was ok, a good player, all over the place with interrupting and talking over people, but overall, things you kinda get used to.
Here is the thing.
About an hour into the game, he starts scratching his junk, sitting right next to me, he gets super excited and stands up two feet away from me scratching and pulling at his junk and I’m UNCOMFORTABLE. I still don’t know if he was publicly playing with it or scratching avidly, or what was going on.
I wanted to leave but I didn’t want to be rude and leave with no explanation in the middle of the campaign, I have mad anxiety and no confrontation skills. Plus he’s a kid, and I didn’t want to bring it up and be like “Yo stop scratching your junk!” So I pull up my folder next to my face trying to block my face from his avid scratching.
It was all guys over twenty on the table and no one said anything but they were all visibly uncomfortable. I think we all know he’s on the spectrum and none of us knew what to do or how to react to it.
But this kid spent the next two and a half hours pulling scratching and grabbing his junk two feet away from me (my face basically as I was sitting down). When we finished the game, I told him to keep the dice I lent him since he didn’t have any, The truth is, I did not want to touch them, but he told me he had dice, he just didn’t want to lose them and left.
It took me a minute to gather the strength to pick up the dice with my bare hands after he spent like three hours touching his junk and my dice. I don’t want to even go back, apparently, he’s been playing there for the past two months.
So here is the thing, I’m talking to the owner about it, not just for me but for any female dnd player that comes, yes it seemed like he was scratching, but other times it seemed like he would get excited, and pull at his junk, hopefully they know his parents and talk to them and something happens.
I feel like I might come out as a major jerk tho.”
Another User Comments:
“If he’s autistic, then the best thing to do is just tell him plainly that “touching your junk while in public isn’t appropriate”. He will not pick up on any “subtle hints”.
Not being able to read social cues is literally what autism entails. Hopefully, he’s not using the junk grabbing as a form of stimming, or will be able to switch to a different stim habit.” Ill_Skirt_2506
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here definitely say something what, NTJ for sure. Autism isn’t an excuse to be nasty in public. But for autistic kids, we grow up on rules. Like “don’t do this:” “when this happens, you should:” or “when you (blank) it makes others feel (blank) because…” it just needs to be explained DIRECTLY.
If you do say something, explain it in detail. Why do people feel uncomfortable, how it’s not appropriate, see if you can redirect him maybe? I’m assuming it’s like, a stim or something if he’s doing it the entire time?
Maybe bring him a fidget toy or ask him to bring one after having a good direct talk? Anxiety is very difficult tho, but honestly, my advice is, don’t plan it out in your head, don’t repeat the conversation in your head, and don’t play out the 50 different versions before you have that talk.
It makes it worse. Go there, get it done, don’t think about it too much beforehand.” Liltinybabyjai
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand he may or may not be on the spectrum or simply awkward but you have to be comfortable too.
There are certain social rules, and one of them is don’t pull at your junk in public. It’s okay to point that out to him. It’s okay for all of you to say that to him. Just because he may be on the spectrum doesn’t mean you can’t voice your needs too.
Remember, if you were doing it, other people would have the right to say please stop, I’m uncomfortable.” Swimming-Study-8317
11. AITJ For Getting Upset Over My Partner Deactivating The Minivan's Sliding Door Feature?
“I (30) F, am in a power struggle with my child’s father M(33).
We met in middle school and are relatively happy except when I feel like he purposely goes out of his way to jeopardize my peace.
We have an older model minivan obtained right before our second daughter was born. It needed lots of work but voila – some TLC later a good functional family minivan our daughters can ride comfortably in.
The van has a feature that allows me to open the side door with a push of a button and close it with the pull of the latch. Super helpful when my hands are full. Tell me why he purposely deactivates the sliding door every time he happens to drive the van, or simply open the van.
I have to manually push it open. Now this is an older model van so the door is heavy and awkward to open with no free hands. It can be done but why struggle with it when I don’t have to?
Two days ago it was raining so hard and it would be my daughter’s day back to school after a week out for being sick. Nonetheless, I kept it together and got out of the house with one girl wrapped in a blanket in one arm holding an umbrella, the other behind me stepping alongside me to not get drenched with the rain pouring sideways I went open the door and Yep, unlock feature is deactivated. I managed to push the door all the way open and go about my way but seriously, was that necessary?!
I’ve always asked him to please leave the button on, that it’s super helpful and at first his explanation is, that it’s an older van and the feature will fail and he doesn’t want to fix it (he’s a very good mechanic when he wants to be and could fix it) his later explanation was “I don’t know why you need it on, I’ll get the girls in an out every time and you won’t have to touch the door period.
But that only happens when we are together riding in the same car which is not even half the time.
Today I finally lost it, I arrived at our worksite and needed to load something in the van to haul a few miles away.
I knew he would turn the feature off if given the opportunity so I went ahead and opened the door and left it open. I arrive at the second location, go open the door and the freaking door won’t slide.
He went out of his way to purposely shut it off after I left the door open for him. His explanation- “I don’t have time to wait for the door to close, it’s too slow. (The door slides all the way closed in like 4 seconds, what?!
Now he is saying “I don’t see why you can’t simply walk around the van and turn on the button when you need it”
He left after I called him a toddler for not understanding why it’s easier if he stops touching the button altogether.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve asked your child’s father multiple times to leave the sliding door feature on because it’s genuinely helpful for you, especially when managing the kids. His actions seem inconsiderate, and turning off the feature despite knowing it makes things harder for you comes off as unnecessary.
Calling him a toddler might not have been the best approach, but your frustration is understandable. It’s not about the door itself, but the lack of respect for your needs and the extra stress it creates. Communication and compromise are key, and he should understand that.” BrunetteAlice
Another User Comments:
“Before it’s his turn, tie the door closed. Every time he deactivates the button makes it impossible to open. Do this with every single door he has to use. He leaves to go outside for a minute, lock the door but leave the back door open.
Keep doing this for everything he has to open. He won’t stop unless you show him how major an extra unnecessary step is, especially when created by someone who is supposed to be on your team. Let him know you two can sabotage each other or be on the same team, but you’re not going to continue to be sabotaged without returning the favor.
NTJ. But you could be, if he refuses to listen.” NinjaHidingintheOpen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your frustration is understandable, given that the sliding door feature makes your life easier, especially when managing kids and carrying things. His refusal to keep it activated seems unnecessarily difficult and inconsiderate.
While calling him a “toddler” may not have been the best approach, your need for this convenience is valid. A calm discussion about how his actions affect you might be more effective.” EmiOA
10. AITJ For Leaving My Stuff In Our Shared Apartment While I'm Away?
“I (22F) have rented my apartment for 2 years. One year ago, my friend (25F) moved in, and we had a good and unproblematic cohabitation throughout the year.
We are quite close, and I do not hold any grudges against her. I am just posting about this issue to see if people agree with my stance or if I am in the wrong.
In the context of my studies, I have to do an internship from September to January and find something in a city across the country.
I will not be coming back on holiday because it is too far away, but I will live back in the same apartment in January and for two more years at least. For this reason, I made a deal with another friend for her to live in my room with my roommate until I returned. Both agreed and were pleased with this since they would split the rent (knowing that I would still pay a little part of the rent since I would be back).
I spent the summer at my parents and emptied my room at the end of June for the new roommate to be at ease. However, I left some packages and utilities in the storage room because we have not used it for the two years I have lived here, and I cannot afford to move my things out and put them at my parents’ or my new apartment, since both are far away.
I also left some dry food (rice, pasta…) as well as three things in the fridge for both my roommates to use, instead of throwing it away.
I thought everything was okay since my roommate never mentioned anything and did not say anything when I did all this, nor when we saw each other again in August. But a few days ago, the day before the new roommate was supposed to arrive, she sent me a vocal message saying that I was taking too much space for both her and the roommate.
When I told her that I had discussed it with the roommate and that she did not care and was pleased with the food, she insisted that it was selfish and disrespectful, since I was leaving for 5 months. She also reproached me for having misinformed her about the date of arrival of the new roommate, because I had given her the date she had told me, while I told her that they still had to discuss it since she wasn’t sure about the date yet.
I was hurt by what she said because it seemed to come out from nowhere, and because I had no choice but to leave my stuff there since I would be coming back in a few months. I also made sure to empty my room and discuss the kitchen bit with the new roommate, but where I might be the jerk is that I never really explained what and why I left to the current roommate.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You found someone to share the rent while you were gone. Your things are not in the middle of the living room. LOL You said you would be paying some of the rent just to keep your foot in the door, so to speak.
I think your original roommate is overreacting for some reason. Is she suddenly moving more things into the apartment? I hope she doesn’t make life difficult for the new roommate. NTJ” hadMcDofordinner
9. AITJ For Confronting My Dad About My Spoiled, Manipulative Younger Sister?
“I live with my father and stepmother, but recently my sister moved back in from her mother’s house.
For years my sister (13) has been spoiled, allowed to do no chores and play games on her PC and phone from the moment she gets home to the moment she goes to bed. Anytime she does something wrong she avoids taking responsibility by lying, moving back to her bio mother’s house.
This time she had to move back to our house because my other sister (15) and I got into a physical fight because she kept breaking stuff (an expensive speaker, a TV, $100 heels, etc.). She even took photos of my other sister and carved curse runes over her.
Yeah, not fun.
She would manipulate my parents and her mother (consciously). She admitted this in Walmart when she was 12. The conversation that followed was as follows:
Kid: (puppy dog eyes and pointing to a Hello Kitty purse) Please? I love you
Stepmother: (this kid just back-talked her earlier) I’m not like your daddy, I’m not buying that for you after you acted up.
Kid: I know, I just know how to manipulate people to get what I want (proceeds to ask my dad–in a separate aisle–for the purse instead).
Moving forward, this kid talks down to me, everything I say results in a “shut up”, “I don’t care”, or “You’re stupid” from her. She also does things that I would have had the ever-loving stuff beat out of me for, such as:
Cutting up clothes, wearing inappropriate clothing to middle school, purposefully pulling down the neck of shirts and dresses to “make [stepmother’s name] mad” (her words exactly), making messes and not cleaning them up, constant inappropriate behavior towards herself and others, refusing to eat dinner and opting to eat cup noodles and chocolate, lying, stealing from and bullying children (admitted to it), swearing in front of (or to) our parents, and kicking one of the family dogs (she poured nair on the other.
My father is well aware and the most he has ever done is say, “Don’t do that”.
The most recent instance was my breaking point. My expensive white rug (which was bought to cover up the stains from slime, paint, mascara, and fingernail polish that she put on the floor) ended up stained with her makeup.
I informed my father of my devastating discovery and she tried to blame me (I do not own makeup). All he has to say is “Will it come out?” Inattentively and staring at his video games.
I finally confronted my dad about his complacent and dismissive attitude amid my (valid) frustration and he defended everything she had done that I brought up (the inappropriate clothing, talking bad to me and my stepmother, and having a rotten attitude) and the most that were done was, yet again, him telling her to not do that and to write down 15 things she did wrong (truly a revolutionary punishment considering she lied to him multiple times to get out of the punishment and afterward continued to play on her computer).
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The parents are failing your sister. As someone already noted, protect yourself and your money and possessions and leave home when you can. Don’t take responsibility for her. They’re not listening anyway. Never let her move in with you.
Her parents will try that later when she’s older and they’re sick of her ” Firm-Molasses-4913
Another User Comments:
“Honestly your sister sounds like she might need some serious psychiatric evaluation and treatment. The lying, the out and out manipulation and admitting she knows how to do it and likes it to get her way, the cruelty, the bullying of others and the actual mistreatment of animals (both the kicking and the nair), the destruction of others’ things… this sounds like something on the Antisocial disorder/psychopathic scale.
I’m not one to claim every bad behavior must have a psychiatric diagnosis but this sounds pathological and completely beyond the bounds of just simple teenage antics. ” Personal-Presence-10
8. AITJ For Making My BIL Cook His Own Thanksgiving Turkey?
“Last year, my mom’s family decided that they would be turning this Thanksgiving into a family reunion. She comes from a very large family, and so far 53 people have RSVP-ed to come.
The dinner itself will be hosted at my mom’s house, which is great because one of her brothers lives next door so there will be two kitchens to work with.
She asked if I would plan the menu, and I agreed.
Planning the menu took a lot of work. There’s limited space to cook even with two kitchens, there has to be enough food for 53+ people, and there are a lot of food restrictions.
My mom’s family is Jewish and everyone keeps varying levels of kosher from only during Passover, to never mixing meat and dairy. Half the people coming are also vegetarian/vegan, some due to allergies, three people have Celiac, and a few keep keto.
Not to mention the variance between picky kids and adults who are looking forward to trying the creative dishes I’m known for. But, I still did it, and last week I posted it in the group.
Everyone was pretty nice about it and seemed excited. A few changes were made like adding a pre-made frozen keto cheesecake and adding dino nuggets for a particularly picky kid.
The one person who wasn’t was my BIL. The only meats that will be there are ham my uncle volunteered to cook before I was even planning, and some grilled fish. He commented, “Thanksgiving with no turkey?!” and a few people responded with laughing emojis.
Then he texted me about it. I told him there was limited space to cook, and everyone else seemed happy, so we could get him some Oscar Meyer, or he could cook one himself in the smoker, the only space left. He said he wasn’t driving two hours to have to cook.
I said no turkey then.
Then my sister texted me. She told me how upset he was. I told her what I told him. She didn’t agree with me, saying I should smoke it myself, I said no there was a large menu to be cooking without additions.
She still didn’t agree but left me alone. Her husband did not. I have received texts every day since.
Yesterday I had it, I was not going to be getting these texts for two more months so I added a new post, “Congrats turkey lovers!
A new menu item has been added, and BIL has volunteered to make a turkey!” An hour later my sister called me to tell me how upset BIL was. I asked if she knew how much he had been texting me.
She did not. She still said I should’ve asked her to make him knock it off instead. BIL asked me to take down the post and say I lied, but I refused. They got my mom involved who said I should’ve been more mature.
He had really annoyed me by continually messaging me, and I don’t think he understood the level of thought into making the menu. But maybe I shouldn’t have done what I did. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is he always so petulant and entitled? They could easily prepare a turkey at home and it would survive the 2-hour trip to the reunion. In any case, him pestering you about it and showing no appreciation for all of the bobbing and weaving you’ve done to accommodate everyone’s dietary preferences and restrictions is what’s immature here.
If this nonsense continues you should mention that brother-in-law doesn’t need to make a turkey because just by showing up he’s bringin’ it. NTJ” Dwinxx2000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s a lot of people and a lot of dietary needs to accommodate.
BIL seems to have no concept of the work required. He wants to do no work but enjoy the fruits of everyone else’s labor. Decades ago, we changed Thanksgiving up so that everyone brings something. The list of items needing champions is sent out and people sign up to bring something.
No requirement to make or buy. And the folks with very restrictive diets volunteered to bring something that they could eat. Takes the pressure off the hosting location. And to make it easier, everything was to come only requiring reheating.
We had 2 ovens, 1 microwave, and as many slow cookers as needed. Made the gathering infinitely less stressful for everyone. And the food was all homemade and very tasty! (licks lips!)” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- but he sure is. Acting like a child over a turkey my bil tried this last Thanksgiving we all decided to make homemade pizzas he was the only one stomping and kicking his feet like a toddler, as his toddler was making a pizza with his big brother.
This year I asked what his plans were and when was he going to make his turkey because I’m making chickens this year. He’s so angry for no reason other than nobody wants to do what he wants. he wants to stand in the kitchen watch you cook and then say it’s dry don’t take the post down let him see how much work it is.
When he shows up without the bird if anyone has questions they can ask him. Don’t fold under his pressure for demands then he will see what else he can get away with.” Key-Instruction1809
7. AITJ For Wanting My Brother To Play The Father Of The Bride Role Instead Of My Future FIL?
“I (26f) was brought up by my eldest brother, who isn’t that much older than me in reality. Our childhood was not a happy one. But he was responsible for the four of us (older brother, me, younger sister, and younger brother) being the adults we are today.
It was unfair but we do not have a typical sibling dynamic even though we have become more like siblings as adults vs a kid trying to raise other kids. I owe him everything. And I appreciate him more than anyone else in my life.
He gave up so much for me/us.
We had talked before about weddings and I told him if I ever got married I’d want him to be more than a groomsman or bridesman. He was so much more than my brother and he was cool with and even touched by the fact I’d want him to act like the father of the bride.
In so many ways he is, as unfair as that is.
My fiance understands this and he knew the score before we even got engaged. His family is aware of my past, of the circumstances, and the fact my eldest brother is the only parent I ever really knew.
My MIL is awesome and she adores my siblings, especially my eldest brother. And in this, she has my back too. Just like my fiance.
So anyway, future FIL, upon learning his son and I were engaged, offered to step in as father of the bride.
I thanked him but told him my brother was going to be acting in that role. He didn’t respond and I figured he was fine. But then he brought up how strange it would look for a brother less than a decade older than me to be acting as my father during my wedding.
I told him my brother might not be old enough but he was effectively the only parent I ever had and that while I appreciate him (future FIL) my brother deserves to be recognized for what he did. I also told him I did appreciate his offer and it was very kind of him.
He brought it up Sunday evening when my fiance and I joined a family dinner. MIL was quick to step in and say that it made perfect sense and FIL was talking nonsense and my fiance told him that he should understand that appearances matter way less than actual relationships and our wants and comfort for our wedding.
FIL told me he felt offended that I’d pass on him when he became a father to me after Imarriedy his son. MIL told him he was being silly because he didn’t need to walk me down the aisle or play a specific role for me in the wedding to act in a caring way.
I can tell he’s offended and maybe a little hurt and I can see he’s not happy with me. It makes me question if I shouldn’t have turned him down entirely… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… I would never have my FIL walk me down before my brother as an option if my dad wasn’t in my life it would have been my brother if neither of them were there I would have walked alone and wouldn’t have given it a second thought.
My FIL would never be an option I don’t care how offended he would be and the fact that everyone seems to be on your side tells you your NTJ” RespectRemarkable294.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your future FIL is being super weird about this and it makes very, very little sense.
You wanting to have your brother step into that role and acknowledge how important he’s been in your life on your wedding day is beautiful. Your fiancé is a future MIL get it. Don’t let his weird, selfish response to your very reasonable choice get to you.” hannahkelli
6. AITJ For Refusing To Continue Hosting Parties For My Ungrateful Family?
“I (26F) love hosting parties for my family. I’m usually the one in charge of Christmas and most birthdays are celebrated at my home. I love doing nice and elaborate parties.
I usually plan a menu, make everything from scratch, and decorate, for Christmas I started doing secret Santa and depending on the event even some games or karaoke.
Before I started doing this, my family used to do pretty normal events.
Just one meal like a basic BBQ, buying pizza, traditional food, and buying a cake for dessert. Never decorated and the parties were just about showing up, eating, and leaving. There was nothing wrong with that but I love Christmas so about 4 years ago I decided I was going to host for once and did it as I mentioned. Everyone loved it and praised me for everything.
Over the years I’ve improved my cooking and party-planning skills and honestly, I’m very proud of what I do. They liked it so much that they started asking for birthdays if I could host a party as a gift for them and I happily did.
It’s important to mention that my main family is only 9 or 10 people so it’s not too much for me to handle or too expensive.
Now to the issue. The last parties I’ve been hosting which were the last Christmas, my mom’s, uncle’s, and aunt’s birthdays, and my husband’s birthday as the most recent, they have gotten what I consider a nasty attitude.
For example, I would send proper invites clearly stating that the party would start at 3:30 pm. Well, they would show up at noon and comment on how I wasn’t ready. For my husband’s party they saw that the decorations were halfway done and started asking why the food wasn’t ready (I had told them it was an early dinner but decided to show up without having eating lunch) and to just give up with the decorations and start cooking cause I was being rude by letting them be hungry.
Long story short, they started eating random stuff and everyone pressured me into cutting several things off the party and moving the schedule quicker to accommodate them, leading me to not have the party as I had pictured and having to rush cook, just for some of them to leave right after the food and left only 6 of us behind.
They have done the same in all the other events, show up early, shame me for not being ready, eat, and leave.
That leads to yesterday when I was talking to my mom who asked me what was I planning for Christmas this year.
I said I wasn’t planning anything since I had told them last time I didn’t like their attitude and I was done. That leadsled fight about how I couldn’t “take a joke” and that I should instead “learn to take help and accommodate to our family”.
The argument leads to nothing but has left me wondering, Am I really the jerk here? My husband is on my side but I’d like some unbiased opinions.”
Another User Comments:
“Obvious NTJ As someone who LOVES hosting, it’s expensive, time-consuming, and a lot of labor.
I went from hosting every other weekend to every handful of months because my place was trashed the next day. (I let people sleep over so they didn’t drive home after drinking too much) I frequently get asked why I’m not hosting as much anymore and I just tell them I can’t do so right now.
Unfortunately, your family got so used to you doing them this favor that it’s no longer seen as a favor, it’s an expectation. Stand your ground and stop hosting for them unless it’s something *you* want to do on occasion.” Spoonthievery
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a couple of choices. You can stop hosting these events altogether. You can turn away people who show up early (“Party starts at 3, it’s only 12. You can either go kill time at the mall or help me get set up”).
It sounds like they’re taking advantage of you. It is not a “joke” and you are not “failing to accommodate.” Your guests are darn rude and you can call them out on it.” User
Another User Comments:
“If you show up to something three hours early it dang well better be with an amazing attitude – and to help.
And weirdly, it’s still a bit rude if you don’t clear it with the hosts. NTJ. Your family has become ungrateful, so it’s time they host for a while. Alternate plan – If you really enjoy hosting and want to give them a chance to shape up before quitting you could make Christmas a “final warning” and send everyone a note saying that due to recent events with guests arriving too early and causing you stress, no one will be let in the house before 3pm – and if anyone *does* show up early that one person will ruin it for the entire group because you’ll take a break from hosting completely.
No one will want to ruin it for the group is my guess! Edit: clarity” Major_Barnacle_2212
5. AITJ For Enrolling Our Twins In Public School Against My Wife's Homeschooling Plan?
“So, I (36M) am a dad to 6-year-old twins, and my wife (28F) is a stay-at-home mom who has recently gone full crunchy mom mode.
She’s all about essential oils, no processed foods, cloth diapers when they were babies, and she’s absolutely against anything mainstream. For the longest time, I didn’t mind because a lot of it is about healthy living and I want the best for our kids.
But things are starting to get way out of control.
The latest issue is that my wife is dead set on homeschooling the twins. She’s convinced that public school is “toxic” and that our kids won’t thrive in a system that’s “designed to make them little robots.” She even has a few friends in her crunchy mom group who homeschool their kids and she’s been talking nonstop about joining their co-op.
I’ve expressed my concerns about this from the beginning. I work full-time and I don’t think she realizes how hard it’s going to be to manage homeschooling two kids at the same time while giving them a proper education.
But she won’t hear it. Anytime I bring up public school she shuts it down immediately, saying she doesn’t want the twins to get bullied or that we’ll lose control of what they’re learning. I just don’t think homeschooling is realistic and I can’t see how she’ll keep them on any sort of consistent schedule.
I gave her time to prove me wrong over the summer, thinking maybe she’d ease into it and have a plan. Instead, she’s spent most of the time bouncing between different unschooling philosophies and signing them up for random activities with her crunchy mom friends.
The kids are constantly bored, and I’ve seen them starting to fall behind.
I’m not proud to admit it but I went behind her back and enrolled the twins in public school for the fall. I told her a few weeks before school started and she lost it.
She accused me of betraying her and said I was undermining her role as a mother. She keeps saying I don’t trust her to raise our kids which isn’t true. I just don’t think she’s prepared to handle homeschooling and I don’t want the twins to suffer because of it.
She spent the whole first week of school trying to make me feel guilty by saying the twins were miserable and that I’d ruined their childhoods by forcing them into the system. The thing is as far as I can tell the twins actually loved their first week of school.
They’ve made friends and like their teacher. But my wife keeps insisting they’re just pretending to like it to make me happy.
Now, she’s talking about pulling them out mid-year and starting over with her homeschooling plan but I’m putting my foot down.
I want the best for my kids, and I honestly think public school is the right choice for them right now. My wife is making me feel like I’m the bad guy for going behind her back and forcing them into something she was so against.
AITJ for enrolling the twins in public school without her consent? Should I have handled it differently? I’m starting to feel guilty about what this is doing to my wife.
EDITING TO ADD:”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- but you’re heading towards a divorce.
She’s in a very toxic friend group and you won’t break through. For all of its faults, being an active and engaged parent with the options of a public school system will be better for them. Parental involvement (not helicopter parenting), determines success.” vt2022cam
Another User Comments:
“Give your wife the option of formulating a plan for their education, with specifics. Homeschooling isn’t done willy-nilly. Ask her what activities she has for them to combat the boredom. How is she going to ensure they are learning all they need to learn and more?
For now, she should be very engaging with them outside of school hours. I doubt the twins are acting happy to make you happy, especially given this is a brand-new experience for them. NTJ” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“Info: does your wife have a background in elementary education, a curriculum in place for homeschooling, lessons planned, etc.? It reads like she unilaterally decided this without having any idea what’s actually involved in homeschooling, so I think you just sort of did what you had to do to ensure the best outcome for your children.
It’s really hard to call you a jerk for that. NTJ” No_Introduction1721
4. AITA For Reporting The Girl Who Tried To Break My Glasses Instead Of Talking It Out?
“My school put on an event where local “celebrities” performed their talents (music, dance, etc). It was the beginning of the school-year morale booster (our year starts early, so a lot of students get grumpy about it). Students in the theater club would participate, mostly to help out but also to have their own ten seconds of fame.
During the show, the participating theater kids were told to choose a friend to give their microphone to so that more students could participate in the performance.
My friend, Ally, is in the theater club and she was instructed to choose someone.
She approached me where I was sitting and began outstretching the mic, but at the last moment, she turned and gave it to her other friend, Ella.
Maybe it was because I tend to be more reserved and she thought I didn’t want to go up there.
To an extent, I didn’t want to. But at the same time, I would probably never get an opportunity like that again. Or maybe Ally was closer with Ella or maybe Ella had some kind of talent, I don’t know.
But Ally did say she would pick me if she got another chance.
The performance section of the event ended and there was an intermission. There would be a vote and one of the students would win. Many of us got up and went into the lobby.
While I was standing off to the side, I saw Ella approach me. We’re not friends, so it was a bit weird. Then, she pulled my glasses off of my face, threw them on the ground, and kicked them. I was mad.
I had done nothing to her. I thought for sure they were broken and that had been her goal, but somehow they weren’t broken.
I approached the vice principal, who was one of the busy ladies making the show run.
Before I could get a couple of sentences out, she waved me off to the principal. As soon as I mentioned Ella to the principal, she said “I don’t want to hear it.” She said that everyone wants a turn to go onstage, but they can’t make up things to make it so.
She looked at the glasses that were on my face and said “Your glasses are perfectly fine, aren’t they?” The principal was saying that even if Ella took the glasses off my face, I was making a big deal about nothing and that if someone wanted to break a pair of glasses, they would have.
In the end, she was not removed from the ballot, but she didn’t win either.
I don’t know, am I making a big deal out of nothing? Later on, Ally told me that Ella was dealing with some mental health stuff and that I was a jerk for reporting her to the principal instead of just talking to her.
Now I’m wondering if Ally’s right and I’m a jerk.
Am I the jerk for reporting the girl who tried to break my glasses instead of talking it out?”
Another User Comments:
“Ella noticed that Ally almost gave you the microphone.
She was jealous and acted out. You were right to go seek help and the adults did let you down here, btw. NTJ Stay away from Ella but keep an eye out for her. Make sure your family knows what happened and ask them to talk to the principal to let him know that you will be going to see him again if ever Ella acts out again to your detriment.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ella assaulted you, which is inexcusable. The VP and Principal did not do their jobs. [I taught public school for 31 years, so I know what has to happen in this kind of situation.] Have you spoken with your parents about this?
There is a simple strategy for getting VP and P to act as they should. Describe the incident in writing. Send the incident report to the Principal, and cc it to the VP and at least one other faculty member, perhaps the moderator of the theater club.
Then there is a record. P and VP will know that if they do not act, and Ella acts out again, they will be liable.” martintoconnell
3. AITJ For Accidentally Leaving My Wife In A Haunted House With Another Woman?
“So my wife (F42) asked me (M43) to ask the group since we differ on opinions if I’m the “jerk” in this situation.
It happened a long while ago (about 15 years now) and I haven’t been able to live it down.
It was around Halloween and I had taken my wife to a county fair (Del Mar, San Diego if anyone has been) that has a haunted house that is locally pretty famous for being scary.
She was excited to go but was super terrified of anything horror. Especially if it has to do with clowns. Regardless she was talking tough and assured me that this was going to be fun and not going to be a thing.
I’m usually the type to laugh at horror movies and haunted stuff and so I easily obliged.
So we’re going through the haunted house and it’s a lot of fun. They let us go in small groups of 6 or 8 if I remember.
Most of us were couples. Anyway, it’s dark. Strobes are popping. Fog machines were blowing. The props were awesome. The audio effects were really good and spooky. The actors were pretty convincing and there were plenty of them.
My wife is behind me, using me as a shield.
Anytime something scary happens she has a particular… squeak. Squeal? I don’t know how to describe it. Regardless, she was behind me, holding onto my hoodie. At one point she was pulling down the hood, which started to choke me from her yanking so hard, so I had to re-direct her hands to the bottom of the back of my hoodie.
Now that I think about it, everyone was behind me. I was at the front of the group.
Halfway through, an actor dressed up like the possessed girl from the exorcist jumps out from her hiding spot and starts to run at us from a distance cutting off our way through the haunted house.
I immediately hear screams (from our group) and feel my wife snatch my arm with a vice-like grip and run. When I say run, I mean like Forrest Gump hucking it through the cornfields. I get dragged past the exorcist girl through the next set of corridors and out a side door.
I was laughing the entire time because I never thought my wife would have such a strong reaction to a haunted house. Especially after all the tough-talking she had done before going in. Once we get outside and who I thought was my wife turns around, I’m like “Oh no”.
It was someone else’s girl.
I immediately turn around and go back through the haunted house and search for my wife. I make it through the proper end of the haunted house and there she is standing, foot tapping with her hands on her hips.
She was standing next to the husband of the other girl waiting for us to come out. I thought the situation was hilarious and was laughing while telling them what had happened and apologizing while I was at it. The other dude laughed as well and found the humor in it.
I told him where I left his partner. My wife rolled her eyes, was elegant enough to brush it off and we continued our night…
Anyway, she still brings up this story today.
(1) She thinks that I’m a jerk for running off with another person’s significant other
(2) I keep trying to tell her that I thought it was her which she says is BS and asked me to post the story here to see what you all think.
So guys… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“OMG. NTJ. This was an honest mistake.
Your wife is the jerk for continuing to be mad about it and holding an honest mistake made years in the past against you. If she had let her irritation go, it would be a No jerks here. For the record, I get why she was mad at the time, but I don’t understand why she hasn’t let it go by now.
I’m a woman by the way and I hate haunted houses for the scare factor, so I’m in her boat and this isn’t woman-on-woman hate.” Travellinglense
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a similar experience… a chainsaw guy jumped out at us when we were in a haunted house.
My group got all turned around. I ran out with someone else in a different group – we both thought we were with our respective significant partners in the chaos, fog, and darkness. We ended up running through a shortcut to the end and were surprised to find we were strangers.
We waited for our groups to finish and all had a great laugh. We have since become friends with that other couple and love telling that story.” No-Category-1793
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s not like you grabbed the other girl and ran, she grabbed you.
And you, due to the darkness and your wife’s fear of horror, thought it was your wife. Besides, due to you using phrases like “vice grip” and “I get dragged” I’m thinking it wasn’t entirely your decision to go along with her, and that you would have had to fight to get her off of you (and, depending on how you did it, you could have been the jerk), and that would’ve likely created a new situation for your wife to get mad over, so this is just a lose-lose for you.
Sorry your wife is holding a low-key grudge over this.” robinmitchells
2. AITJ For Confronting My Friend About His Toxic Behavior?
“I (24M) made a friend A (28M) when moving and starting a new job. We became close fast and were each other’s primary social life in the area. 7 months into our friendship, he went through a breakup of his long-term LDR. He started to distance himself.
I tried to support him through substance misuse, threw him a birthday party (he told me he was depressed nobody celebrated him the year before), and offered an ear. We started fighting, and he ended our friendship over text. He compared me negatively to his other friends, said I’m high maintenance, and that I confronted too much and I told him he failed to take accountability.
I begged despite his clear cutoff, so he rightfully blocked me.
5 months later we reconnected a week after my birthday, and a week before his first of multiple going-away parties. We talked and I told him I felt abandoned and he said “I’d never abandon you,” we talked about trauma and stuff and were close the last month he was here.
I even helped him move out. He posted me on his Instagram as “[his] best buddy in the [city]”.
In our time as friends, he
– talked about being able to sleep with anyone on the team he wanted
– made derogatory comments about my close female friend who he had a brief thing with
– frequently talked about being done dirty by management (we had a similar experience, but he told our supervisor he was not fit to be one)
– frequently complained about our pay difference
– lost another friendship when the friend was vulnerable with us about a girl and he interjected to say they had hooked up multiple times
– went from calling me a best friend to cutting me off, to best friends again
– would make jokes at my expense (I’m gay) like “Can you stop trying to touch me” even when I said it bothered me
In our last interaction over the phone, he told me about his affair with a girl from his past who’s in a 10-year relationship.
He flew to see her and stayed with an unknowing friend who’s been asking him to come visit, so her partner wouldn’t find out. He was complaining about her “falling in love with him” because he didn’t want any of that.
I texted him after saying he should make better choices, and he responded “Never!” So I told him he was hurting everyone involved in that situation and that I love him and don’t think that’s aligned with his goals and well-being.
He was in the process of moving again, but I asked him if we could please talk. No response after a week, so I confronted him over text saying that this situation was messed up and that I wanted better for him.
Later adding that I feel like our friendship is hinged on his ego and that he should consider how his actions impact others because I don’t want him to feel disliked or done dirty like he’s said. I suggested he talk to someone trusted or a professional about his problems. I’ve tried to engage with him for 3 months, but I’m ghosted.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’m curious whether being friends with someone who behaves this way aligns with *your* values. This person doesn’t sound like he brings much to the friendship table besides drama and bouts of ghosting (and then promising he’d never abandon you lol).
I don’t know that your friend is likely to listen to you but you aren’t the jerk for talking to him about the way he treats people. I think you deserve to move on and find some better friends who are more compatible with your values.
1. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Friend Who Uses Me As Her Therapist?
” I am in college, and I’m(19F) a psychology major.
My friend(20F) is an architecture major. Our friendship started on a good note, but I feel like it soured. It started feeling imbalanced, and I think I can pinpoint why now. As the title says, she uses me as a therapist by telling me her every inconvenience, trauma, desire, ambition, etc. I understand that she trusts me, and this is what friendship looks like, but it is not reciprocal. She trauma-dumps, and she has guilt-tripped me for having certain things in my life that she doesn’t.
(Eg. I have a job and she doesn’t, etc). I also feel like I have to hide certain parts of myself. If I show interest in XYZ and try to talk to her about it, she’ll zone out. And when I confront her about it, she’ll outright tell me that “I should talk to her about something she’s interested in as well.” I can see the logic in it, but I think that I should also be able to tell her what music I found that I like or the small things.
I don’t try to make the conversations 100% about me because I know that’s disrespectful.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was when she forgot my birthday because it made me realize that she never gives back the support I give her.
But, what makes this complicated is that she has BPD. I understand how difficult it is, and I understand that she has a hard time regulating her emotions as well as extending support. She’s busy trying to regulate her emotions and her relationships.
I confronted her about not feeling valued and heard in our friendship. I tried to reassure her that I wasn’t mad, etc because I know she can overthink(I didn’t mention this part). She told me how she loved me and that she had good intentions.
I kinda let this go because I know that she feels like she has to constantly prove to people that she’s not a bad person, and it’s a trigger of hers. And she told me that I was a good friend and basically like a therapist.
My resentment was stagnant because I didn’t know how to respond to that; I just didn’t feel seen as a person. From her perspective, she just had a big friendship breakup, and she’s had turbulent friendships in the past. I would hate to perpetuate her belief that “her friendships always fail.” She also trusts me a lot, and I think me confronting her might make it worse.
Also, I know that she can be self-destructive and go on smear campaigns, so I’m worried about what will happen. I believe it might be a jerk move for me to confront her right now, and I also believe it might be a jerk move to tell her to stop telling me deep and personal things that I didn’t consent to.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Lots going on here IMO but I don’t think either are jerks. OP is a 19-year-old psychology major which is a long way from being a therapist; inappropriate for a friend to try and use her as one and potentially harmful for OP to try to be one.
Friend “trauma dumps” and “guilt trips” and can “go on smear campaigns” according to OP. Not words typically used to describe a healthy, mutually supportive friendship. By my read, the relationship is causing more trouble to OP than it’s worth.” Waste_Worker6122
