People Don’t Shy Away From Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Correcting My Family When They Downplayed My Engagement?
“I (32M) am happily engaged to my fiance (33M). We met through mutual friends, and I proposed to him this year.
My family is extremely religious and is completely against the relationship. I don’t have a close relationship with my brother (34M) or sister (35F). They have met my fiance a few times and are respectful towards him. My parents are the worst about our relationship and want nothing to do with the wedding.
It does break my fiance’s heart that my family does not support our relationship. Not many of my relatives know that we are engaged. His family is very supportive and is willing to help with most of the costs of the wedding. I am very close with his parents and siblings.
Now onto why I made this post. My parents told me that there would be a family reunion this weekend (yesterday). They didn’t have a problem with my fiance attending as long as he wasn’t near them. My fiance and I drove 3 hours to the reunion.
I could tell my fiance was very nervous and I assured him that if anything happened, we would leave.
He did get to meet some of my cousins and nieces and nephews. The problem came when I was chatting with my parents and cousins, they told them my fiance was just a friend.
I smiled and said “Oh he’s not just a friend. We are engaged and planning on getting married.” I walked over to where my fiance was and made sure he was doing okay. When we were leaving, my parents approached us angry that we told some of the family we were engaged. My brother thinks I should not have said anything.
Most of the family now knows about the engagement and supports our relationship.
AITJ for correcting my family when they referred to my fiance as just a friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents sound extremely homophobic. If they don’t want to accept your sexuality and the fact you’re engaged to someone of the same sex, that’s their problem.
Also, your brother is a jerk for trying to gaslight you into feeling bad about correcting your parents when you ARE engaged. I would have limited contact or NC with your homophobic family members. They’re gonna miss out on your life due to their hatred, not your fault or your burden.
Congratulations on the engagement and I hope you and your fiancé have a beautiful wedding!” ElevatorOk8601
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You simply corrected a misleading description of your fiance. And it’s a win that most of your family now know and support your relationship. Just tell your parents you are not going to hide your relationship or marriage and they are responsible for their own behaviour.
You hope that they could act with love…. rather than hate. (Not a great advertisement for their religion.)” jmelross
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I also have a parent and a step-parent who consistently lie about me and my life to make themselves look better.
I have been no contact with them for 8+ years and they have no idea how I am doing, where I am, etc. but I still hear about myself in my hometown when I visit (they still reside there). Why lie about such minuscule things? You’re happy, healthy, and in love.
Who cares about anything else? BUT (Maybe?) YTJ – why are you making your fiancé do these things? It sounds very uncomfortable being around people who clearly don’t accept you or your relationship status. And it doesn’t sound like your fiancé getting much in return other than feeling judged.” While-Disastrous
21. AITJ For Telling My Friend I Found Her Husband On An App To Meet Other Women?
“I (26f) moved to a new city recently and met a few people including a married couple (32f and 34m) that I now have been friends with for almost a year.
I was swiping through an app one night, and up pops the husband’s profile. The husband is pretty average-looking, so I knew it wasn’t a fake profile using his pics, and the location showed he was less than 1km away. I sent a screenshot to one of the friends and they replied with a screenshot of him on another app that required you to put credit card info in to use.
Apparently, everyone knew about this and was talking about this behind their back. I decided to message him first to avoid any awkwardness in case it was a fake profile.
The conversation went like this;
ME: (sends screenshots) Hey (husband) I’m going to be straightforward with you, I found your profile on some apps, and I want to clarify if (wife) knows about this?
I know it’s none of my business, but I love your wife to bits, and I would not be a good friend if I just let this go. If you guys are in an open relationship that’s great. But please ask her to send me a text saying she’s good.
HUSBAND: Hey, I appreciate you so much for being such a good friend to (wife) but you don’t have to worry, she knows about the app profile, it’s an old profile. She doesn’t know about the other one though, someone stole my card information and I’ve been struggling to get it removed. So if you could keep it on the low I would appreciate it.
ME: I’m sorry but I’m not going to be doing that. You have 2 days to come clean, I’m meeting her for coffee and then I’m showing her everything
SKIP TO THE COFFEE MEETING WITH WIFE
ME: (after about an hour and she hasn’t mentioned anything about her husband) I don’t want to ruin our coffee, but did you and your husband have a talk?
WIFE: about what?
ME: (hands over phone to show her everything)
WIFE: wtf, I didn’t know about any of this?
ME: I’m so sorry, but if it was me I would’ve wanted to know.
WIFE: thank you for telling me, I’m in shock I can’t believe this.
She leaves to confront him, I go home and EVERYTHING BACKFIRES ON ME. Her husband messages me saying he can’t believe I told his wife, I just block him. The other friend messages me saying they can’t believe I got involved and that I’m a drama-seeking attention seeker, I message back saying I can’t believe what terrible friends they are for keeping this a secret, but worst of all the wife messages me and says;
“I appreciate that you told me, but I can’t be friends with someone who disrespects my husband and gets involved in our personal matters, so I think it’s best if we distance ourselves.”
So, everyone hates me, I’m now labeled as the drama-seeking attention seeker of the neighborhood, and I’m starting to doubt and question myself on if I’m actually the jerk…AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This happened to me and it also backfired. I had been friends with both of them for over a decade and she was my best friend. I told her I found him on an app and showed her the profile. He was mad at me for a while and she said she was grateful but now it’s years later and we barely talk to each other.
It was the beginning of the end of our friendship. You did the right thing and the husband is the jerk here but sometimes doing the right thing backfires. I’m sorry it happened to you.” Katula28
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Husband has probably convinced her that someone stole his details and it’s a fake account, he would have told her that he told you this and that you told her just to cause drama hence the “disrespect” aspect.
Honestly, no loss there with any of them. You don’t want to be friends with a betrayer, or “friends” who gossip about the betrayal but don’t have the guts to come forward, and the wife for saying you’re disrespectful..yea nah. She can keep her head buried in the sand and cry later.
Find people actually worth your time. Who knows what those people would say behind your back.” Status-Pattern7539
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They argued for a while, husband probably said he would never do it again and now they need to remove the person that presented the issue so they can go back to pretending to be happy and ignoring things.
I agree with other comments the text from the wife sounds like the husband tbh. I’d show her the text in person and ask her about it. Honestly, as well I wonder if this friend group in general is filled with betrayers since they all seem to believe ignoring it is the right way to go.” Distinct-Practice131
20. AITJ For Agreeing With My Fiancé That We Are Guests At Our Own Wedding?
“In a few months, I’ll (37f) be marrying a wonderful man, Aaron (36m).
I’m Indian but raised in the US my whole life, and he’s white (from the South).
Some important background: My parents are footing the majority of the 100k wedding bill, with Aaron paying for the photographer plus some jewelry and clothing for me. The wedding will be an Indian affair.
However, my parents are happy to incorporate some traditions from “white culture.”
But because my family is religious, the wedding will be dry. My parents will not pay for booze at the wedding. I grew up attending dry weddings, so it’s not unusual for me.
Aaron says in white culture, drinking is a big part of weddings. Which I get, as I have attended many white weddings as well. While my fiance doesn’t drink, his friends and family do, and they will expect to drink at the wedding.
However, there is a bar at the hotel, and my parents are fine if guests purchase a drink there, as long as people don’t drink in the ballroom where the reception is.
They want people to drink in the seating and garden areas right outside the ballroom (there are a lot of places to have a drink).
Aaron thinks this is unreasonable, as people will want to bring their wine inside and have it with their meal or during the reception.
He says that since this marriage is between two cultures, and that he is white, and in his culture, drinking is part of it, so my parents should be flexible and allow people to drink in the ballroom. While he gets why my parents don’t want to pay for it, he feels guests should be able to drink wherever if they want.
I said that since my parents are the ones hosting the wedding, it’s only fair that they can decide whether people drink in the ballroom or not. Booze, while common at white weddings, isn’t a tradition my religious family should be obligated to honor. It’s also not something that’s culturally accepted – people don’t openly drink at Indian Muslim weddings.
Aaron was annoyed and sarcastically said that he’ll go along with it because my “parents are paying for everything and he’s basically a guest at his own wedding.”
This is where I might be the jerk: When he said that he was a guest at the wedding, I agreed (and called myself a guest as well).
I said that since my parents are paying for everything, they have the right to dictate whether people drink in the ballroom or not, regardless of how important drinking is to his own culture. I said that if it was so important for his family and friends to drink during dinner, then either he or his family should host a reception of their own.
Since then, he’s been frosty with me.
I don’t think my parents are being unreasonable. But was I the jerk to imply that since my parents are footing the bill, they can decide where and how people should drink?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you are necessarily the jerk BUT I do think your perspective is off.
You and your future husband are not guests at your own wedding. And it seems like your future husband got little to no say about what type of wedding he wanted. If your parents want a wedding and reception they are more than welcome to renew their vows but this is supposed to be about the two of you and your guests.
Paying for it is supposed to be a gift. If your parents don’t like it they can pull the funding and then maybe the two of you can have the event you actually want. Additionally, the request by your parents crosses into overstepping and control issues.
The guests are paying for their own drinks and as such should be able to drink with their dinner if they choose. No one is holding anyone down and forcing your parents to drink. No one is asking your parents to purchase the drinks and that is where it should end.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Things are gonna get interesting when your parents use their money to control your relationship in other ways, OP. If you let this set the tone for your marriage, you’re in for some difficult times, although I suspect that the ship has already sailed. eta: what happens when guests try to bring drinks into the ballroom?
(And you know they will.) Are you going to have enforcers police the perimeter and turn them away? What happens when (not if) someone objects? Are your booze bouncers gonna take their drinks? Forcibly prevent them from entering? How do you see this playing out, OP?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ technically you are not wrong because your parents are de facto the hosts and you guys are the guests (VIP Guest of Honor, in that sense). I think the wedding should be strictly about you two, and since in Indian Muslim culture, drinking is taboo + the both of you don’t drink = it is perfectly acceptable for it to be a dry wedding with drinking being restricted in the venue out of respect for religious customs. Guests who are “unhappy” they can’t get a drink at your wedding should screw off because it’s not about them.
If they can’t handle being sober for a few hours they need to see AA too.” ThomzLC
19. AITJ For Refusing To Do Makeup For My Cousin's Cousins Without Their Own Products?
“I (19F) am visiting my aunt and uncle (my dad’s cousin and his wife). Their daughter (20F) and I have always gotten along pretty well and enjoy spending time together even though we aren’t close. To the issue, my cousin was recently getting ready for a friend’s wedding, I styled her and did her makeup and hair and even lent her my jewelry (she didn’t ask, I wanted to help) and she looked absolutely stunning.
She thanked me and left. Her cousins from her mom’s side were there to pick her up (This friend is apparently a mutual friend).
A few moments later all four of them came back up and her other 3 cousins asked me if I could do their makeup.
I asked them if they had their own products and they didn’t, so I politely declined. They kept pushing it and we went back and forth for a while until I left to go with my uncle to see the river. I was polite throughout the conversation and told them that I didn’t want to.
When my cousin came back she was upset with me and told me that I was very rude to treat her cousins like that. I explained to her that my makeup products are costly and that doing 3 people’s makeup was a lot of effort. She called me selfish and told me that they were my family, (I barely know those girls and that was my 1st time meeting them) money shouldn’t be a problem, and that my selfishness isn’t going to take me anywhere.
Later even my aunt was cold to me since these girls were her sister’s kids and they had tattled about me to her. So, AITJ? Should I have just done it to keep the peace?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ also sharing makeup is unsanitary and you don’t know these people.
You have no idea what they could have and it would be contaminating your makeup. Also, idk where you are but your cousin’s cousins and you wouldn’t be family blood-wise or even in a social sense at least here. They are from her mother’s side and you are related through your respective father’s.
You’re barely related to your cousin she’s technically a second cousin since your uncle is at least in terms of family trees actually a cousin if I’m reading this right.” queerie4you
Another User Comments:
“So, they were all ready to go to the wedding, but decided it’d be okay to delay so you could re-do their makeup?
Even if you agreed, they’d probably be late to the wedding. You are not the jerk. They were rude and entitled. Her parents were no better.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Makeup can be super expensive! Not only would the 4 makeovers take a lot of your own, free time; those makeovers also cost you 4 times your makeup supplies, I would’ve said no as well if they didn’t bring their own makeup.
Sounds like your cousins (It’s some weird stuff that the kids of your aunt’s sister call themselves your cousin since it’s your dad’s uncle’s wife and not like your dad’s aunt) just wanted some free makeovers they would have had to pay for anywhere else.
Anyways: again NTJ and I wouldn’t be doing your cousins’ makeup and hair for awhile, the entitlement is toxic. You don’t have to give up your own money and free time for some strangers you just met.” veerlerutten
And let her Bortow Your Jelwery And She Calls You Srlfish !!?? What a B**h !
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Reconcile With My Suddenly Nice Parents?
“I’m 35F. Long story short, I’m the black sheep and my sister (31F) is the golden child.
I did well in school, got a PhD, she hated school (as did my parents). My parents were even rude to me when I had cancer. They’ve yelled at me in public at dinner, calling me “lazy” even though I had 2 jobs and was in grad school.
Meanwhile, my sister hasn’t worked in years and my dad’s mom currently pays her bills for her. She even has a nicer car and home than I do. It’s unbelievable, but I was finally making peace with the fact that I’m just not a good fit.
I go to my hometown one weekend a month to help my mom’s mom with errands and chores. I was seeing my parents for about an hour or so, for lunch or whatever, during these weekends. I love my mom’s mom and I’ve been able to be open with her about my family trauma, up until about 6 months ago when she threw the “just let it go” line at me.
So I don’t talk to her about it anymore but I still love her and help her with stuff.
Well about 3 months ago, my parents and sister started going to church, and now my mom seems to be on some mission to fix things with me, or at least make it look that way.
She is over-the-top, greeting me with nonsense like “there’s my sweet girl! Oh you are so beautiful! I’m so proud of you for making all your dreams come true” when as a teen I would hear how she wished I wasn’t her daughter or as an 11-year-old year how ugly I looked. My parents are even giving me random grocery items to bring home.
Now when I visit my hometown I end up spending several hours with them. It feels so awkward and I just want to scream. My mom’s mom is like “prayers have been answered” and thinks this is amazing.
I am so confused and honestly I don’t even want to go to my hometown anymore.
I love my grandma but she doesn’t seem to understand my pain, and now I look like the jerk because my parents are grilling dinner for me or whatever and I just want to scream GO AWAY at everyone.
I don’t know how to fix this.
I am keeping all my feelings inside but on the way home my last 2 trips there, I broke down crying. I feel so guilty but ever since my parents decided to be nice, somehow things are even worse. I wish I could run away. I’m even getting aggravated with my grandma for saying how thoughtful and great my parents are.
What is wrong with me? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your reaction is actually normal. I mean all they have proven is they could have been good parents all along and chose not to, if they were able to change so easily in such a short time.
Additionally, it does not sound like they have accepted responsibility for the past and actually apologized to you sincerely for their previous actions and behavior and the damage they did. They are sweeping it all under the rug which is infuriating and makes the whole reformed aspect fake, IMO.” katamino
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bet they realized your sister can’t care for them in retirement. My parents were like this too. I have uni degrees, married, house, career, etc. My 3 siblings (28F, 26M, 21M) don’t work, live at home, addiction, anger etc. But when they got evicted, guess who became the favorite?
It was temporary. My sister and her SO have moved out and are pregnant with the first grandchild, whereas I’m gonna be child-free for life, so I’m back to being a selfish monster and my family is doting on my sis as the first success of the 4 siblings.
I’d be furious if I hadn’t expected it. Still love them all, even if they’re pretty lousy people. OP, they’re sucking up for personal gain. Don’t feel guilty. It’s fine to accept their hospitality as well as maintain your rage. Some nice grilling doesn’t overcome years of neglect.” Shes-ranting-again
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are an adult. You do not have to see them or talk to them unless you want to. If their newly found faith is real they should be repenting of their behavior toward you and apologizing profusely to you. If they are just trying to sweep everything under the rug nope, nope, nope.
Tell them “For your hurtful, abusive behavior toward me in the past what I really need to move forward is a sincere acknowledgment of your behavior and a real apology. Not an I am sorry if I hurt you apology. Without that there can be no thought of reconciliation.” See what they say.
Their response will tell you if they are sincere. If they try to justify their behavior at all hang up. They are not sincere.” [deleted]
17. AITJ For Always Planning Fun Activities With My Daughter During Our Limited Time Together?
“I’m going through a nasty divorce that has been going on way too long. A little backstory my ex decided she wanted to not be married anymore and got into another relationship. She didn’t let me see my daughter apart from a couple of times in her front yard.
I was maybe able to see her 4-5 in the first 2 years of her life. So I did what I thought was the right thing and got the best lawyer I could find. So far the court has given me everything I’ve asked for so I’d say things are going well.
So one of the things I requested was a transition period while we wait for the trial. So I get her Mondays and Tuesdays for a couple of hours and every other Saturday she gets to spend the night. She doesn’t let me see her more than the court has awarded.
I like to always have something planned when I have her. When I have extra money I like to go to the trampoline park, I also am always staying up to date with local event activities. We go to the lake and go to the 99-cent store and buy kites.
I want to keep her busy and learning. My ex told me she doesn’t think what I’m doing is right and the only reason my daughter wants to come over is because we only have “fun”. She states I’m not being the parent I need to be.
Now I know I’m a great dad but I’m learning new stuff every day so I’m curious. AITJ for always having stuff planned and having fun?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex seems bitter because of her own choices – she’s denied you seeing your child for a reasonable amount of time so she gets all the drudgery and boredom of parenting, and she has no time because she’s a single parent, while you get the odd day every couple of weeks you can plan for and devote all your attention to your child because you don’t have a child most of the time.
Keep fighting for your child. Children don’t belong to their mothers. You’re doing fine.” Brightredroof
Another User Comments:
“Oh! Oh! I know the answer to this! If your ex is concerned you only do “fun” stuff and she gets stuck with all the bedtime and vegetable bits, the answer is for you to have more parenting time.
You won’t get to have 100% science-fun times if you have to get your daughter to preschool on a couple of workdays a week. If you gotta feed that kid, bathe her, and get her to bed before she melts down some of the time, your baby girl will quickly learn that some things are the same at everyone’s house.
Like the need to brush her hair. I bet a 2/2/3 custody schedule would burst your lil kites ‘n sidewalk chalk fantasy bubble in a hurry. (Jk, those are great kid activities.) Your ex should totally do that. NTJ.” eaca02124
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can parent and still have fun.
Especially with the extremely limited time that you have her. Calling it “catching up on the fun dad times your mother)has deprived her of by restricting contact” is definitely antagonistic and petty, but there is truth to it. You don’t have a lot of time to create a bond.
You want her to feel as safe and as happy as possible when she is with you so when you do have more time she has a better chance at adjusting. Personally, I’d have a problem if my SO refused to parent on the weekends (routine/expectations/consequences) and elected to be the ‘fun’ parent regardless of the situation.
But this is an entirely different situation. It isn’t the weekend, it’s a few good hours when she isn’t sleeping, and frankly, she sounds young enough to have an attention span slightly higher than gold-fish; ‘parenting’ messages like enforcing consequences for every hour you have her is unrealistic and unfair to both of you.” Jaidiee
16. AITJ For Blaming My Dad For Ruining My Engagement Party?
“I found out a year ago that my dad has had multiple mistresses his entire marriage and has at least two suspected children that he doesn’t acknowledge. My mum has known all along but it was a huge shock for myself and my siblings.
My dad has worked very hard to earn back our trust so we chose to forgive him and try to get back to normal.
It was my engagement party two weeks ago. Everything was perfect until my suspected half-sisters turned up to confront my dad in front of everybody.
It was one of the most humiliating things that’s ever happened to me and I was so angry and upset that they would choose my engagement party to do this. My fiancé’s uncle had them kicked out but the damage was already done.
I wanted to cry so badly so my fiancé took me into a room away from everybody else so I could calm down.
My parents and in-laws came to check up on me and I just lost control and started yelling at my dad. I told him it was his fault my engagement party was ruined and I said I hated him. Everybody tried to get me to calm down and my mum said I was being unfair.
I haven’t spoken to my dad since even though he keeps apologising for what happened. My siblings have told me it wasn’t his fault so I shouldn’t have yelled at him the way I did and I should blame the girls for crashing my party instead.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand why you got upset and totally would feel the same in your position however your suspected step-siblings were the ones to blame here I think. They must have known it was an engagement party. They would know what making a scene would do to you.
I understand it was your dad’s past poor choices that led to the confrontation but people do make mistakes. If he’s been working hard to make it up to your family then this should be taken into consideration.” Bee088
Another User Comments:
“Ok no you’re NTJ and whoever says otherwise is nuts.
You’re NTJ and I don’t care what anybody else says. It’s not your problem that your father two-timed your mother so much and so often that he has two illegitimate children and who knows how many more. Your father should’ve stepped up as a man and spoken to these other children maturely and said he wanted nothing to do with them if that was the case or I don’t know, maybe not have two-timed his wife in the first place?
And no, they shouldn’t have come to your engagement party to confront him either. That’s tacky and rude. You’re an innocent victim in this. If you want nothing to do with your father’s affair children that’s your prerogative. If they want to speak with your father, they can do it someplace else rather than taking over an event for you.
I don’t blame you at all for what you said to your father. He shouldn’t have lied in the first place. But he is your father, so I understand wanting to forgive him.
But his actions ultimately caused this entire situation. He is at fault one way or another.
He’s the two-timer and he has two suspected children. It’s his fault and you had all the rights in the world to call him out for it. Was it a little aggressive and a tiny but rude? Yes. However, it’s kind of well-deserved. Honestly, you should’ve yelled at those potential siblings too.
All I know now is that since they ruined your engagement, if down the line they try to reconnect, I wouldn’t give them the time of day. And now with you proclaiming your hatred of your father, he’s probably less likely to even reach out to them to try and make it up to you.
So it wasn’t a smart plan on their part either and they are also at fault.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your dad is to blame. Maybe if he acknowledged how he couldn’t keep his pants zipped which led to the existence of another human.
Maybe if he acknowledged his other kids they (who are also in the wrong for causing a scene with him at your engagement party) would have not felt the need to confront him. Your father is the low life who acts like being unfaithful and creating a life is something to sweep under the rug.
I find that repulsive how your family is not blaming him for his actions. Actions and lack thereof have consequences. What disappointment those kids have for being fathered by a man who won’t even give them the time. Your father never should have been unfaithful and they should not have shown up uninvited to your party.
But your father made a bed that your whole family has to live with. Seriously messed up and the blame mainly lands on your unfaithful dad.” Thinkalilmoreplz
15. AITJ For Yelling At A Man For Feeding My Dogs Despite My Warnings?
“I’m currently sitting in my local pub (in the UK), it’s dog friendly and the landlord allows the dogs to run free as long as the other patrons are okay with it.
I have Alfie (7-year-old greyhound) and Luna (6-year-old staff x greyhound), they like to be social butterflies but mainly just lay on the couch or floor. They are greedy dogs, the slightest rustle of a packet and they wake up and look at the source of potential food.
Now one of the other regulars bought a packet of mini cheddars and fed them to the dogs. I then asked if he could not do that as Alfie has a very sensitive stomach and I don’t want to deal with the aftermath in the morning.
A few minutes later he asked for another packet and loudly stated they were for the dogs. I said no, they are not to be fed. I then caught him slyly giving the dogs the biscuits. I politely told him to not feed my dogs, he then tried to argue about how it’s not harming them, I then let loose.
I did raise my voice and told him ‘you are going against what I said, you are not the owner of these dogs, I am! Stop feeding them now!’
I walked outside to cool down and when I returned I was being told by a few other patrons that I was being a jerk for how I reacted. The landlord and bar staff said I wasn’t as he ignored me but now I’m starting to feel like maybe I was.”
Another User Comments:
“Some dogs are basically food-seeking missiles, it’s no fault of their own, it’s their nature. Some people are jerks. It’s a fault of their own, even if it is their nature. You are within your rights to request a person to not feed your animals.
You are within your rights to make the same request a bit more forcibly when the first request has obviously and intentionally, been ignored. NTJ. If it happens again, scoop up the mess, put it in a bag, and hand it to him next time you see him ‘here, this is the net result of your purchase, your turn to deal with it.'” Nevyn-57
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – He shouldn’t have fed your dogs especially after you asked him to stop but you also suck. It’s your responsibility to care for your dogs. In a dog-friendly pub, it’s going to be super common for people to bring in treats or dogs to beg for scraps or eat stuff off the floor.
If your dogs have food issues it’s your responsibility to keep them safe. Either by leaving them at home, having them properly trained so they stay with and don’t beg, or with muzzles on so they can’t accept food. You say they don’t actively beg and they also are alerted by the sound of food and went over to him.
This situation is your fault. You shouldn’t have yelled. After the first incident, you should have removed your dogs.” Befub14435
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you don’t want someone feeding your dogs maybe you should take care of them. Don’t let them be near him.
That is all on you as a dog owner-to actually take care of them. And then your reaction was to go outside and leave them inside with the person who is feeding them something you don’t want them to have. Take care of your dogs or leave them home.” sonipcass
14. AITJ For Not Telling My Sister That Her Daughter Came Out To Me First?
“My (32f) niece, Fay, came out to me over a year ago, just before she turned 16. She’s very comfortable with my partner, who she calls Auntie, and speaks to her a lot. My partner is active in queer charity work, studied Gender and sexuality, so I guess she’s the brain to pick.
For months, Fay has wanted to come out to her mum, Dani (39f), my sister. I’ve been gently encouraging this ever since she first told me, but I haven’t wanted to push her too hard, as it’s her decision. Dani and I have had a rocky relationship, but it’s definitely gotten better over the years and we’ve worked at it.
She took time to accept that I was queer, but it’s all good now. Fay recently came out to her and I’m glad to say it went really well!
Dani can be a bit extra. She wants to throw a huge ‘coming out’ party for my niece, who wants no part in this.
Fay is a shy girl, has major social anxiety, and hates birthdays, let alone an entire party announcing her sexuality. She called me and begged me to convince her mum to not do this.
So, being the dutiful aunt, I called my sister. We got onto the subject of the party and I laughed and tried to keep it light and told Dani that this was about Fay and if she didn’t want it, it shouldn’t happen.
She suddenly stopped and said… “wait, how do you know about the party? How do you know Fay’s gay? She told you?”
You see, I had gone into this with the assumption that the party was general knowledge. Fay hadn’t told me otherwise.
Turns out, it was a surprise for the FAMILY. I tried to cover and told her that Fay had told me about the party to stop Dani from throwing one. But Dani became fixated on me knowing that Fay was gay, and kept asking when she’d told me.
I thought about lying but these things ALWAYS have a way of coming out (no pun intended), so I told her the truth.
She went super quiet, then asked if my partner knew as well. When I said yes, she hung up the phone.
The next day, I receive a barrage of texts from siblings, cousins, elders, saying that I’m a jerk for hiding information about my sister’s own child from her and that it’s hugely irresponsible to keep that kind of info from a mother.
I’ve been called a liar, a backstabber. Dani’s telling everyone that this is the ultimate betrayal. But I’m confused. Who else would Fay have gone to? I’m the only openly gay woman in the family, wouldn’t it be a natural assumption that she’d most likely come to me first?
And to tell other people would have been betraying Fay’s trust. I’ve asked that Fay not be blamed for any of this, as I’m the adult in this situation.
But I’m not a mother, as I’ve now been told countless times, and I don’t know if I’ve overstepped my place as an aunt, which it seems I have.
So AITJ for not telling my sister sooner about her own child?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow, so easily NTJ. Children deserve privacy in many things and sexuality is definitely on that list. Your sister seems jealous and hurt that you learned first. She is also probably upset wondering why her daughter didn’t trust her initially and her behavior is showing clearly that Fay was right to be cautious.
1. Don’t entertain any more conversations with anyone about this besides Dani or Fay if you don’t want to. To everyone else, “I’m not comfortable discussing this with you/This is between me and my sister, so I won’t be talking about it anymore.
But how is so and so doing?” If they don’t change topics, just say you’ll call them back and hang up. 2. Let your sister be mad and refuse to apologize or argue with her. She’s wrong, but you won’t be able to reason with her until she cools down.
It’s great Fay has you and your partner in her life. 3. If you’re feeling generous, you can point her to some healthy resources for LGBT+ families and their coming out stories.” ComfortableBedroom78
Another User Comments:
“One thing this shows with context is they all still think (on some level) gayness is negative information, implying that Fay is not ok, and you hid something dangerous.
That’s why the righteousness. In their minds, this is like if you hid that someone’s kid was on substances. Sexuality is each individual’s business to reveal to whoever they choose exactly whenever they want. It is not information that even their family is entitled to because it does not mean anything about their character or innate mental health.
“irresponsible to keep that kind of information” lmfao, you see what they’re doing. Also, the mother must know her own kid well enough to know that this party is not for Fay. That’s also really upsetting, even if it wasn’t a form of projection with her issues with her sexuality.
You’re doing great on every front. Fay needs you. And whatever issues your sister needed to “come to terms with” about sexuality, ask yourself if it’s really “all good now”. NTJ.” laughingintothevoid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The job of good aunts and uncles is to provide a safe adult ear for a kid’s confidence.
If you didn’t respect her confidentiality with something you DON’T need to pass on to mom/dad (I’m gay) she won’t come to you with the things you DO need to pass on to mom/dad. Or the things that need support and guidance and a little tough love (“Your mom and dad NEED to know you have an eating disorder/are pregnant, etc, I can help you figure out what to say, I can be there with you when you tell them, whatever you need but if you don’t tell them by x time I’m going to have to so that they can get you the help you need.”) If I stuck my nose into my 14-year-old’s conversations with his uncle and aunts I would be afraid he would stop confiding in ANY of us.
If he’s not comfortable telling me something, making him uncomfortable to talk to his aunt is NOT going to make him talk to me instead.” Sarah_Jane_73
13. AITJ For Being Angry At My Partner For Not Buying His Festival Ticket On Time?
“I (24F) and my partner (24M) had planned on attending a music festival for the last six months. This festival takes place next week.
The tickets went on sale for presale months ago. I bought mine then and reminded him to buy his. He didn’t.
A close friend of mine organized the campsites and camper and basically everything else we needed. We both know a lot of people going to this festival and have been excited to go together.
I have been reminding him to buy one for months. Just last week I told him to buy it after a low ticket alert was sent out.
We received notice that tickets were sold out a few days ago. I was furious and immediately started scavenging social media and other outlets for a ticket for him. I found one person with a ticket and told my partner. He told me he had a “reliable” friend who had a ticket he could buy from them.
I confirmed that this guy was reliable and that we wouldn’t need the person I found on social media. He reassured me.
Today he tells me that this “friend” sold the ticket to someone else. The person who was originally going to sell to me isn’t answering anymore and the only options for tickets look to be $800 or more.
It’s looking pretty bleak at this point and I am just so angry I don’t know what to do. He insists ticket prices will go down, I’m just so anxious he won’t find one at all. He does not seem concerned that I’m so stressed about it.
Am I the jerk for getting angry with him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I hope he doesn’t expect you to help out with the ticket price cause they’re more expensive now. Honestly, if this is a pattern of things where you tell him to do something in advance and he leaves it till the last minute stressing you out there may be bigger problems than him not getting a ticket.
You need to have a conversation like in the future for holidays or other festivals him leaving things to the last minute stresses you and if he continues to do so after you laid it out clear for him you can only take that as him purposefully causing you stress and that the relationship will be finished after that.
Also thinking I’d just ensure that he wants to go and/or has the money for it rather than him doing it because he’s too laid back.” fatherted98
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do yourself a favor, assume he isn’t going, and plan what is needed in order to go without him from now on.
If prices go down and he gets a ticket, or can suddenly come along on the day, great! If not, too bad. And no, he doesn’t get half his money back for any prepaid shared accommodation/expenses if the initial agreement was to split the cost. His consequences should not end up costing you more money.
Do not try to solve this problem for him. I know you want him to go, and he wants to go too, but it’s not your problem to fix and only enables this behavior. You even successfully solved the problem for him and he turned you down because he knew better.
Don’t let him guilt you into not going to the festival, and don’t guilt yourself at the idea of having fun without him. Let him know you hope he can make it, and follow through with the plans you already made. He is more likely to remember the festival he missed out on for not being organized and where he sat at home alone than the festival he nearly missed out on but his partner saved the day or the festival neither of you went to but you guys did something nice together instead to make up for it.
I hope you enjoy the festival!” Table_Scraps90
12. AITJ For Telling My Friend His Approach To Women Is Off-Putting?
“My (25f) friend, Alex (26m) wonders why matches with girls on apps don’t work out. One night we were drinking and looking through an app, only for me to see that he’s constantly writing stupid stuff to women, like “you look like you’d mess up my life” and all kinds of cringe stuff.
Well, I ended up telling him “dude maybe if you didn’t write dumb stuff to women when they don’t know you, you would get more matches.”
His reasoning is “I want women to understand my sense of humor and accept me for who I am, it’s a test.” I explained to him that there is a difference between someone accepting you for who you are once they get to know you as opposed to coming on way too strong out of the gate.
He got offended over this and said he isn’t going to ask my advice anymore. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dude is “testing” girls and expects A+ results, so you’re going to have to look for the 1 in 100. Not sure why he’s so daft as to wonder, seems like he knows and doesn’t care to change.
Would he act like this at a job interview? Expecting his potential future boss and co-workers to “understand his sense of humor” before even getting the job?” srosekw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve been out of the app scene for a long time but IMO, the example you gave isn’t just cringe, it’s also… rude?
Totally get that it’s just a saying, yadda yadda, but whenever I hear that phrase, I assume what the person is really saying is: “You are hot but I’m definitely going to tell everyone you’re crazy when you get tired of my nonsense.” Also, the person doesn’t have anything original or interesting to say so they just copy/paste the same cheesy opener to everyone they match with.
Idk. It’s a shame that your friend seems to think that acting like a jerk is a personality but it’s not. Sounds like he may not be ready to accept that fact, though.” pudgesquire
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s clearly too immature to be in a relationship anyway.
You were very helpful, and not a jerk in any way, but he doesn’t seem to comprehend that he’s not talking to women who have any idea who he is, he’s talking to women to whom he’s A COMPLETE STRANGER, and no one gets on apps to have some complete stranger “test” them.
His attitude seems to be one of entitlement: that he’s entitled not only to a woman but to one whom he can make jump through a set of hoops to see if she “gets him”. That would be a terrible approach even WITHIN a relationship.
“Testing” complete strangers to see if they respond “correctly” without any context or previous relationship isn’t just ridiculous, it’s aggressive and dehumanizing. He’s treating women like pets he’s considering buying. You tried to explain to him that he needs to get to know someone, not run them through an obstacle course.
He doesn’t understand that because, again, he is too immature to start a meaningful relationship on equal footing at this point in his life. He has some growing up to do. You’re NTJ but he’s not going to learn anytime soon, and it’s probably for the best. No woman needs to be subjected to that nonsense.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
11. AITJ For Joking About My Niece Having Our Family's Buck Teeth?
“I (f28) have buck teeth.
My father and one of my brothers have buck teeth. My oldest sibling Paul (m36) does not and has never had braces. My teeth and my family’s teeth are fine, we have great smiles, aside from some teasing and braces. If anything, Paul was the one who teased us most. Being the only girl, I did get upset about it sometimes but my other brother and I eventually just laughed about it and turned it on Paul (i.e., jokes about how teeth can be fixed but XYZ is forever, telling him we don’t understand what he’s saying we only speak gopher, etc etc).
That was years ago and he has since apologized years ago as well. Paul has a 4-year-old daughter and we have a family group chat where we post photos of our lives.
Recently he posted an adorable photo of my niece grinning. I replied “so cute, good to see the Stanks family teeth genes going strong” verbatim.
No reply. Paul deleted the photo and was upset. He feels that I used his previous behavior to pick on a child and am contributing to my niece being self-conscious.
I feel like 1) my niece can’t read and isn’t in the group chat.
2) I have great teeth and am not self-conscious and didn’t intend it as a dig, that’s on his interpretation.
Family is honestly split along buck tooth lines – everyone who grew up with characteristically large teeth is fine with it, and everyone who didn’t thinks it was an unnecessary thing to say.
So, am I a buck-toothed jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I have a 100% overbite. At least 2 of my kids (still cooking the third) also have a 100% overbite. They’ll need braces and a lot of work done to correct them. We are well aware of what is to come.
(Mine was never corrected due to poverty). We all still make jokes about how they have my teeth, there’s no mistaking they’re mine, the genes are strong, etc. You stated a harmless observation. I think your brother is just insecure because he knows how much he teased you and is worried his daughter will suffer the same fate.” Aviouse96
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, my family makes all kinds of lighthearted appearance jokes towards each other. You now know where the line is for your brother so can adjust as needed. I accuse my younger cousin of stealing the height genes from me all the time.
My brother says he’ll shave my head when I tease him about going bald like our dad. I joke my niece has inherited the x family sarcasm.” kitkatpandatat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You insulted his kid because… why? To score points because you have, in your words, “great” teeth and not the family buckteeth?
Also “have great teeth and am not self-conscious” doesn’t really match “and didn’t intend it as a dig” is contradicting yourself. You were a jerk. Own it.” PlasticPalm
10. AITJ For Calling Out My Parents' Neglect And Favoritism In Public?
“My (15M) parents were never the stereotypical, loving ones that we all see in movies.
They were quite the opposite.
I could go on and on about the times that they proved that they’re some bad parents but I’m just going to list some of those times:
- when they almost made me miss an important exam just because they had to go to a party and made me babysit my little brother;
- when they let my brother ruin my room & rip pages out of my notebooks from school and did nothing, etc.
A few weeks ago, my mum told me we had a family gathering at a BBQ. I was excited but a tad nervous too because my parents always embarrass me at those gatherings.
And just as I was expecting, they started complaining about their children (EVERYONE was at that table, including the ‘problems’ AKA us, the children). My dad told my uncle that I was the “least demanding child.” I told him “They call it neglect and favoritism these days, Dad.” My family tried to change the subject but my dad was like “Trying to look smart, huh?
Parents can’t have a favorite child, we love you equally.” I said, “Children know who’s the favorite, even though you don’t know you have one.” My parents excused themselves and left (and my brother too) and I enjoyed the rest of the BBQ with my family which I loved (well…most of it).
But when I got home (my aunt drove me there, as she lives right next door) the trouble started. They started calling me an ungrateful jerk who should learn how to “shut the heck up.””
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t matter if you were out of line or not by calling them out (you weren’t imo), leaving you at a party and calling you such awful names afterward is totally unacceptable.
Would another family member in the area let you live with them? Your parents sound awful…” MadoogsL
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your parents didn’t want you to believe that they have a favorite, then they should have treated you equally. If they didn’t want you to talk back to them, then they shouldn’t have talked trash about you to your face.
You didn’t start the conversation. They were the ones who decided to try shaming their kids in public; it’s not your fault that their actions are more shameful than your existence.” Umklopp
9. AITJ For Telling My Son About My Past Relationship With His Uncle?
“I (45M) used to be involved with my wife’s (47F) younger brother Jared (44M) back in high school through our second year of college… We grew up in a rural community and it wasn’t great being bi or gay back then so we were secretly involved and only a few friends and his sister knew.
We were each other’s first everything, kiss, love, and so on. Well, I also happened to have feelings for her and I knew she liked me back and him wanting to be more open and me being scared to, I eventually broke it off and started being involved with her.
She got pregnant and we got married and ever since the relationship between her and Jared has been strained with him calling me a coward and mad at her for taking me away from him. We still see him around town and we don’t usually talk but on holidays or events, but he does spend time with his nephew and they get along great.
My son Luke (15M) looks up to his uncle and loves spending time with him, but because of what happened Jared isn’t around as much as my son would like. Yesterday Luke finally just flat asked me why his uncle Jared doesn’t come around a lot and why he and his mom always seemed mad at each other.
I just told him the truth.
My wife overheard us talking and she got upset and told Luke to go to his room. She then yelled at me asking why I would tell him that and I told her that it’s not fair that he doesn’t get to see his uncle much because of our drama and she yelled at me that it was none of his business and that he didn’t need to know.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is part of the family, not a kid anymore, and deserves to know. Especially since I would consider that ‘your’ secret, because as you say being bi isn’t that accepted in your community. (Or was, I hope it’s better nowadays!) Anyway, since it concerned you two, you should have talked with your wife first, maybe a little jerk for that.
Info: Is the uncle outed? How is your wife’s stand on homo/bisexuality?” Spaghetti_Ninja_149
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. I mean, it sounds like a pretty less-than-conventional situation in the past, but I think we’re missing some context about the way you told your son.
You say “I just told him the truth”, but how exactly, and how much did he already know? Like, if my dad came up to me at 15, and revealed he was secretly bisexual and that he’d been involved with my uncle before my mum, I’d find that pretty messed up and would have probably preferred to have not known.
Perhaps your wife is more angry about that than the actual revelation itself.” marauder-shields92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think it’s always better for families to be open and honest with each other. Whenever possible. This world is changing. And for the better. LGBT rights are way better off now than when you were kids.
However, there is still a long way to go. And these conversations help dramatically! Be open and honest with your kids about these types of relationships, if you had any. And that there is nothing wrong with it. Even if you weren’t comfortable being open at the time.
That it is only you who gets to determine when and who gets to know. Though hopefully, the stigma will go away completely! I do believe that you should have talked with your wife and hatched out a plan to talk to your son. As this very much involves her.
And she might feel embarrassed with her role in all of this. You are a team with her. So as a team, you need to communicate on serious issues like this. But should these talks occur? Yes!” sbballc11
8. AITJ For Wanting To Quit My Job Because Everyone Keeps Calling Me Indian When I'm Sri Lankan?
“I am 24M and have been at my job for a year. Part of it was WFH but since February we’ve been in person.
My boss and coworkers keep assuming I’m Indian, even when I tell them that I was born in the United States, and my family is from Sri Lanka.
I hate it so much. My white Irish boss has called me Indian three times to date, even though I’ve corrected him every time. I mention the fact that I’m Sri Lankan to him a lot because of this. Example: Me: “My grandparents are coming over from Sri Lanka to celebrate my brother’s wedding.” Last week he called me Indian again.
I’ve been at work for a whole year, and they can’t remember this simple fact about me.
A couple of coworkers are also Indian. Most of them aren’t Indian at all. What’s the same is that they all assume I’m Indian. They say things like “where in India did you study?” I didn’t because I’m not Indian.
They all keep forgetting or maybe even ignoring that I’m ethnically Sri Lankan. I met an employee who worked in a different department and the first thing he says is something about me being Indian.
I’m extremely annoyed by this point and I want to switch jobs.
Everything else is great. I don’t work a lot, the company is flexible, I have good opportunities. But the constant “YOU ARE INDIAN” is annoying as heck. I don’t have anything against Indians, I just hate them ignoring my actual ethnicity.
I might be the jerk because I’d be leaving my coworkers high and dry and make them feel attacked for something minor.
WIBTJ if I left my job and told them it was because everyone called me Indian?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: What state are you working in? I’ve been a professional for 15 years and I can’t think of a single situation in which I would call a coworker Indian, especially to their face.
Maybe if it was an identifier when trying to describe the person to a 3rd party, like “you know John he’s 6ft ish, he looks like he might be Indian.” If you are working in a job that talks about ethnicity on multiple occasions that isn’t normal or ok.
In pretty much every state it is illegal. I agree that HR isn’t on your side, but they aren’t on the boss’s side either, they are there to protect the company from lawsuits. If they are constantly bringing up race/ethnicity they are open to a lawsuit and HR will shut that down.
They also can’t retaliate, because again it opens them up to more lawsuits. You’re NTJ, you don’t owe your company anything. If you’re unhappy find a company that has a better culture.” Royal_Dragonfruit_12
Another User Comments:
“Well, if it bothers you that much, then you are free to change jobs.
Not sure if that will actually fix anything, since people in your new job may very well think the same thing. I don’t quite understand why you are so upset, though. A lot of people mistake me for Chinese, even though I’m Korean, but it never bothers me, because it can be difficult to tell the difference.
I can never tell the difference between Chinese, Japanese, or Korean people, so I never expect others to, either. Same for Caucasians. I would never be able to guess their country of origin. The big question, though, is why your race keeps coming up in interactions with your boss in the first place?” Windermyr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Well, maybe to yourself because the racists are chasing you from what sounds like a good job. It does sound annoying though. You could always try being annoyingly condescending. “As an American, I know we are bad at geography but you don’t even know Sri Lanka is a different country than India?” “Do you even understand what a country is?” That might cause friction.
You could go into lecture mode, “Sri Lanka is an independent island country located in South Asia. It is separated from India by the Gulf of Mannar and the Palk Strait…” throw in any facts you want, watch their eyes glaze over, and laugh as people stop mentioning India around you to avoid learning anything, lol.” Few_Improvement_6357
7. AITJ For Asking My Partner's Brother If My Partner Is Really Gay?
“My (18F) partner “Jason” (19M) and I have been together for a year now. Jason is good to me you know tells me he loves me a lot and always brings me flowers. We are intimate pretty regularly and I love him a lot it’s just that he’s not very stereotypical masculine.
He’s bi and a pretty fem theater geek who likes to paint his nails and wear makeup sometimes. His first time and his first two relationships were with guys and so I’m the first girl he’s been with or has been with intimately. I sometimes get this nagging feeling that he’s actually just gay.
I was over at Jason’s house Monday and while he went out to get food I asked his younger brother “Shaun” (17M) about Jason’s interest in other girls before me. He told me Jason hadn’t liked too many girls before me but generally liked my type.
I didn’t realize it but I guess I got a sour look on my face and he asked why I asked and I just kind of told him and I asked him if he thought Jason was actually gay. Shaun got way mad and told me I was an insecure mean person telling me he was already out to his family so why would he have to hide anything?
I tried to explain why I thought what I did and he got even more mad and told me Jason had enough of dealing with ignorant stuff like that in high school. He told me he wouldn’t say anything to Jason but that I needed to make my mind up and went upstairs.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Bi people exist. Bi people who generally like members of the same sex more than those of another gender exist, but can still date and be happy with that other gender. And not be unfaithful. If he says he’s bi and you have no other reason than a nagging feeling not to believe it, then you are not secure enough to date a bi guy.
If he later decides to date guys or even exclusively guys, that will not mean he lied to you now. Sexuality is fluid, especially when young. If you don’t want to be with him, don’t be with him, but don’t do this weird doubting thing.” No_Rope_8115
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He’s bisexual. Not gay. Yes also allowed to be feminine. Feminine doesn’t equal gay. There are heterosexual men who enjoy being feminine. And there are gay men who are extremely masculine as well. Someone’s style or if they are feminine/masculine doesn’t define if they’re gay or straight or bisexual or whatever.
Shaun’s gonna tell him (rightfully so) so you best be ready for that conversation. also shame on you for assuming your partner is lying to you about his sexuality! Just shame on you entirely for everything. Just shame.” Alyssa_Hargreaves
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A) Presentation does not define romantic attraction.
B) Relationship history does not define romantic attraction. C) He’s choosing to be with you for a reason. Since he’s out he’s definitely not using you to pretend to be straight. So why don’t you believe that he’s with you because he loves you? I will add, though, that I can understand where you’re coming from.
As a bi woman with a straight man, my queerness is a part of me that he’s struggled to understand because he can’t relate to my experience. Ignorance is perfectly understandable, but the way you’re approaching the situation is absolutely not ok. If you love your partner, you should make an effort to understand and communicate with him.
Worrying that he’s gay (and therefore doesn’t actually love you) is incredibly unhealthy for the both of you and for your relationship. COMMUNICATE (humbly and respectfully) with your SO.” One_Trash_Can
6. AITJ For Planning A Girls' Trip Without My Insecure Husband?
“I (30F) am planning to take a girl’s trip to Paris with my best friend (32F), “Eleanor”. We’ve been through thick and thin since childhood and she helped me through my depressive teenage years, while I helped her through her harsh breakup with her ex-fiance who was unfaithful to her.
She’s honestly such an amazing, intelligent, and caring person and I pretty much owe my life to her. She’s been my rock ever since we’ve met and I seriously can’t imagine my life without her in it.
Now the problem here comes from my husband (31M) of 1 year, “Josh”.
Now, Josh has always been incredibly insecure about Eleanor and sometimes outright petty. He thinks I accord more attention to her than I do to him, which I obviously think is bonkers. Once he found out about my plans to go on a trip to Paris with her and without him, all chaos broke loose.
He once again accused me of paying more attention to my best friend than I do to my own husband and that I’m more excited to be with her than to be with him.
I told him that he’s delusional, but then he went on to list how I already have girl nights with Eleanor every week (I mean, he also has his boy’s nights, so I don’t see what’s the problem here), that I even invited her to some of our dates (I mean, that only happened after she broke up with her awful fiance, of course I was gonna give her support during such times) where he felt like a third wheel (just his insecurities being at play once again), that I buy her expensive jewelry for her birthday and Christmas, while I only buy him sneakers (I mean, he hates jewelry and loves running, so again, I don’t see the problem here) and now I’m going on a trip with her to Paris, while I didn’t even go outside of the country with him on our honeymoon (I mean, that only happened because we had a better offer in our country during our honeymoon and he didn’t object to it at the time) and some other meaningless things.
He told me I should at least take him with me on this trip, but I told him absolutely not, as this was supposed to be just a girl’s trip between me and Eleanor and I don’t want to ruin her plans. He then said that maybe I should’ve married her instead, to which I replied by saying to get over himself and that I’m not gonna let his insecurities destroy my relationship with my best friend.
He’s now sleeping in the guest room and also giving me the silence treatment. Most of my friends think I’m in the wrong and there’s no reason why my husband can’t come with me and Eleanor on the trip. Only Eleanor has my back like always and thinks my husband’s just acting like a toddler and that he would just ruin our good time if I invited him to our trip.
I obviously agreed with her.
However, AITJ ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. But not for not taking him on the trip. It seems he feels ignored and that you express love language to someone else and not him and when he takes it up with you you belittle him.
It seems like a bigger issue than just this trip. I’d be pretty done with my partner if he never prioritizes time for just us but puts someone else first and to a higher level than me, if she’s allowed on your “couple time” why isn’t he allowed in your “friend time”.
It seems you are ignoring a lot of signs and talk that might be steps or attempts to fix an issue, and you might find he is thinking of leaving if this continues. Absolutely we need time apart from partners and time with only friends, but it seems you do not prioritize time together with your partner, but rather just value time with your friend.” FlowerOk3892
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your husband has made some valid points. I’ve never heard of someone consistently gifting their best friend more elaborately than their own spouse. You buy the friend expensive jewelry which means you pay enough attention to understand her personal style, likes, and dislikes.
You bought your husband sneakers, which is one step away from just tossing a gift card in his direction. Anyone can tell when their marital partner is more exited about spending time with another person. That’s not a problem unless the other person seems to be receiving preferential treatment.
I can’t believe you invited the friend on dates with you and your husband even though you knew he didn’t want that. I don’t care that she had a bad breakup. You could have spent time with her that you weren’t supposed to be spending with your husband or supported her in different ways.
That he wanted an international trip for the honeymoon and you declined in favor of something more interesting and never circled back around to see if he wanted an international vacation is odd, but not as odd as making plants to take that international vacation with your best friend without even bringing it up to him first.
I’m not saying you should have asked his permission but since you know he is sensitive about the friend, it would have been common courtesy to bring it up to him beforehand. I agree with your husband that his supporting evidence suggests you should have married the friend.
Of course your friend would think he’s acting like a toddler. She’s used to splitting you off against your husband and sees no wrong in it. And last but not least you’re the jerk for calling him insecure when you’re doing everything you can to make him that way.
It’s a bit like tripping a person and blaming them for their broken leg.” theloveburts
Another User Comments:
“I mean, you’re willing to ruin his plans with you for Eleanor. I mean, you never say you can’t imagine your life without Josh in it.
International travel with a friend vs a spouse is a big deal; It sounds like you planned this trip while keeping him totally in the dark and I mean, that’s not cool. This is a YTJ to me, not because of the trip, but because you clearly put Eleanor first. It’s great to have a best friend, but you need to communicate with your spouse and they should be a priority.
It’s ridiculous that you invited her on date nights, come on. The way this whole thing is written is fairly juvenile. If this is true, you need to do better by Josh.” RideThatBridge
5. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister For Breastfeeding At My Wedding?
“My (34m) sister gave birth 2 months ago. She brought the baby to my and my wife’s (23f) wedding.
She breastfeeds whenever she goes.
We visit her house? She’ll breastfeed in front of us. Visiting our parents? She’ll breastfeed. Going out in a public setting? She’ll sit on a bench in the park and breastfeed. Go out to a restaurant? She breastfeeds. Everywhere. I’ve never spoken about it because I know she’ll get mad and offended but when she did that at my wedding I lost my cool.
During the reception dinner, she just did it again. I kindly approached her and asked her why she didn’t bring formula or at least pump milk out and put it in the bottle so she wouldn’t have to do all this at that moment. She said “because I don’t have to.
I feel comfortable breastfeeding. Getting milk out on my own is more painful.” I said she could just make this sacrifice and compromise for one day instead of doing this in front of 250 guests at my wedding. She then said she can’t do much about it now because the baby has to have her milk.
I told her she should be more thoughtful of that then instead of completely embarrassing herself and us by doing this.
I told my wife what the deal was and she said I’m a jerk and should immediately apologize to my sister. My parents also sided with my sister and now pretty much everyone thinks I’m a jerk since I’m the only person who had a problem with it.
The only reason I decided to call her out was because I considered it bad etiquette and tacky to do that at a formal event and that she could just find another solution for that night. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YTJ, I would figure that having your parents and wife tell you would have been enough, but some people need more evidence.
You have no clue how painful or difficult pumping might be, so you’re a jerk for suggesting it. Then there’s the fact that you never told her that it bothers you, but expected her to just magically understand that you had a problem with it.” big_bob_c
Another User Comments:
“Oh yes, YTJ! Babies that young need to eat constantly because they have tiny stomachs that fill and empty quickly. This is why your sister is always feeding the baby – because the baby always needs to eat! Also, a baby this young, who has been exclusively fed by one method (breast) cannot easily switch to another method (bottle).
Also, as your sister told you, for some folks, pumping hurts like a lot. I personally was never able to produce much extra – just as much as my son needed. So that’s a lot of pain for nothing. You need to shut your mouth and open your mind because you have a LOT to learn before you have children.
Give yourself a good decade. Fortunately, it sounds like your wife and parents have their heads screwed on straight.” NHHS1983not
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry… your sister gave birth just two months ago and is breastfeeding? She gets (I’m assuming) nicely dressed and presentable, gets the baby all packed up and out for however many hours your wedding lasts to be there for your wedding and you have an issue with her feeding her child?
I’m guessing you didn’t have a problem with any of the other guests eating… I’m guessing you didn’t go hungry. Seriously the only person I feel worse for than your sister is your wife who didn’t get to find out how ignorant and unkind you are before the vows.
YTJ.” noproblemobobemo
4. AITJ For Being Upset My Partner Gave Me Gold Earrings When I Only Wear Silver?
“Recently, I (21F) had my birthday and my partner (21M) (of 3 years) took me out to dinner. After we had our meal he told me he had gotten a gift for me. Now usually, when he gets me gifts it’s never been too fancy, (e.g. last year he got me a pair of shoes I’ve been wanting and some flowers.
We’re both only in our early 20s and in college so neither of us has a lot of funds so I never expected too much in terms of gifts. So when I saw the box of a company I would never even dare to look at, I was extremely excited. But when he opened the box I saw a pair of gold earrings and my smile shrunk.
I asked him why he would get me something gold if I only wear silver.
He apologised but I was still a bit annoyed. And I realised he started becoming more frustrated on our way to his car. I could tell my reaction was bugging him and eventually, he dropped me off at my apartment without coming inside and didn’t even let me take the gift. I didn’t want my night ruined so I had some of my girls over and so I wasn’t really on my phone.
The morning after my birthday I realised he had called me twice and sent me a message. To paraphrase, he basically said that he didn’t realise it would be such a big deal and he never pays attention to my jewellery because he finds me beautiful with or without it – and guys just generally don’t care about jewellery.
I’m pretty torn now because I think I may have overreacted and seemed ungrateful. On the other hand, we’ve been together for over 3 years and he doesn’t even know what jewellery I like.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You could have gratefully taken it in the spirit it was intended, then later on, maybe in a couple of days, politely said that you tried them on but maybe they don’t suit you and you hope he wouldn’t be offended if you could go and change them if he had the receipt… and that just in general (if he wanted to buy you jewellery) you think that generally, silver looks better on you?
See how that is slightly different from effectively throwing his gift back in his face the moment you received it?” Own-Kangaroo6931
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is saying YTJ, but… honestly.. after 3 years he doesn’t notice you never wear gold? Only to buy you gold instead of what you wear?
Kind of sad lol. People in the comments are saying men don’t notice these things, and that’s actually sad and gross to say as if to dumb down men so they don’t have to pay attention and put effort in. My partner notices these things about me and would never get me silver because I never wear it lol.
You are the jerk tho for some parts for sure. You should’ve at least thanked him and been nicer about it! He probably spent a lot of funds on it, you guys could return it if possible and maybe choose another thing together that’s the same price or less.
But him saying guys don’t care about jewellery sucks. Men who love you will put the effort in and notice what you do/don’t like, it’s so boring and disappointing when you love someone and they don’t know the things you like! You are partly the jerk but I’m not gonna say you’re extremely wrong lol but that’s just my opinion.” sillycat73827
Another User Comments:
“I’m shocked at all the YTJ votes – to me, this is a no jerks here. It was wasteful and unobservant of your SO to buy expensive gold earrings when you won’t wear them, since you exclusively wear silver. He should have noticed that you only wear one type of metal; that attention to detail is not too much to ask of a long-term partner.
You should have thanked him gracefully, and the next day or so explained that you don’t wear gold and don’t want the gift to go to waste, and asked to make a date of the two of you going to exchange them for silver together.
You should not have ignored his messages that evening. Learn to communicate. If this was a candle or something then yeah, just say thanks and move on. But assuming your SO spent a good chunk of change on these, you and he should both want to make sure you’ll actually get to enjoy the gift.” mvuanzuri
3. AITJ For Going Out Again Despite My Daughter's Disapproval?
“I’m a single dad to my daughter, who’s about to turn 9. She means the world to me. Unfortunately, her mom is not in our lives, she cracked under the pressure of parenthood and left us about 7 years ago.
Through the urging of my friends and family, I’ve begun seeing people again. Prior to all of this, I hadn’t been involved with anyone since my daughter’s mom. Everyone was just kind of like, “You owe it to yourself to get back out there, try again” etc, etc. So, I’ve been going on different dates these past few months and my daughter’s upset.
What usually happens is I go on these outings on Saturday nights. It only makes things harder when she sees me start to prep to go out. I get lots of sad eyes and pouting. She just wants it to be her & me against the world.
I tried to explain to her as best I could that this is actually great for Dad. I make it a point to try and be home in time to tuck her in on my nights out and on those nights, she’s in no mood to be tucked in or so much as look at me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but it’s complicated. Your daughter has abandonment issues, for obvious reasons. She is probably either afraid the new woman will take you, her last parent, away from her or that she will bond with this new woman and she will be abandoned again.
Plus, she might still hope her mother comes back and you three can go back to one family. Your daughter needs therapy and for you to make sure she knows you will not abandon her, or let a new person come between you two.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She’s 9 years old. She wants you to be there with you all the time. She doesn’t understand. I think as long as you’re not bringing home strange women all the time, it’s ok to see people. You should probably take your daughter out on Saturday nights, too, and have special Dad and Daughter nights once or twice a month.
Counseling for her to help her cope will be helpful and please don’t tell her that her fears are unfounded. Her feelings are real to her. She was already abandoned by her mom and she may feel threatened by the women you’re seeing. She may have fears of you abandoning her for one of these women.
Please talk to her and reassure her.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“Get her into therapy! She sees the only stability she knows, going out and having a great time but how is she supposed to express how she feels if she’s never felt it before?
There is a fine line between her accepting and understanding you seeing people vs completely acting out creating resentment of you and anyone you connect with. Her speaking to a therapist gives her the ability to be mad at you in a constructive way, it’ll help her understand what she feels and how to move past it.
Accepting that seeing people is normal (hopefully). She’s valid how she feels but it’s really easy for her to stay mad. She was abandoned by her mother and she is going to see every female who takes attention away from her as just another possibility for hurt – for both of you.
Maybe go to joint therapy a few months after you start hers. That way you have a guideline on how to work through this. Abandonment creates some awful insecurities, take care of it now so she doesn’t carry that into adulthood. I don’t see you as a jerk yet, seeing people isn’t bad but how you proceed to help your daughter feel secure while you see people remains to be seen.” unicorndontcare69
2. AITJ For Critiquing My Grieving Brother's Eulogy Harshly?
“I’m the writer in the family. Ever since I can remember family and friends have been coming to me for writing advice, whether it be college papers or cover letters or even wedding vows.
I’m always happy to help, even though most of them are college-educated adults who should know what a comma splice is by now.
Fast forward to a few days ago, when my brother’s best friend passed. My brother is, of course, in shambles.
And he’s adamant about giving the eulogy, even though he’s blue-collar. He came to me and asked me to edit it because he wanted to make sure he did his friend proud. I agreed because he’s my brother and I’m a talented editor, and he sent me his first draft over email.
And it was, well, terrible. This may sound harsh, but writing is my craft and if you ask me to edit something I’m going to edit it seriously and soberly no matter what it is, eulogies included, and I think a second grader writing about the goldfish he flushed down the toilet could have evoked more emotion.
So I basically told him as such. In kinder words, of course, because he’s in a difficult place and I understand that. But I basically told him the truth: that it was structurally messy and thematically trite. Of course, I gave him myriad examples of how to develop the piece more coherently, but he was having none of it.
He accused me of being condescending and inconsiderate and all this other nonsense, all because he asked for my help and I gave it to him. And now we’re in what is probably the worst fight of our lives, just a few days before the funeral.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A tactless one at that. Surely, your brother’s eulogy wasn’t such a disaster that you couldn’t get the general gist of what he was trying to say. You could have helped him develop it and could have rewritten the parts of it that were especially rough without calling so much attention to it, and simply said something like, “I tweaked a few sections in this to make it read more smoothly.
What do you think?” But did you really expect your brother–who is in the midst of grieving a significant loss and who is not a writer–to even understand what you mean by telling him his eulogy is “structurally messy and thematically trite”? Do you really think that was helpful?
Come on.” prairiemountainzen
Another User Comments:
“Yep YTJ. And you need to get over yourself. I’m a writer too, many of my friends are and none of us take ourselves as seriously as you do (although you have no reason to, based on this post).
You were being mean to someone who is grieving. You took his grief and you made it about you. About your inflated ego, exactly as you are doing here, blowing all of us off because you only seek validation. So take your big words, your endless sentences, and your arrogance and go apologise to the grieving man you hurt in your pathetic attempt to make yourself feel like a great writer.
P.S.: Just because he is blue-collar doesn’t mean he can’t write. Have you actually read the writers you speak so highly of? Many of them were dirt poor and uneducated.” Etranger-
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And I honestly cannot believe what I have just read.
I can honestly say that I am blown away by the complete lack of empathy, relevance, kindness, and self-awareness exhibited by OP. There’s no point in expanding upon this because, well, OP lacks feelings and self-awareness. Not to mention that OP is a terrible writer.
I am disgusted beyond words. You are a total utter jerk. In fact, jerk is too soft a word for what you did, but I don’t want to get banned. I hope that you are treated by others exactly how you treated your brother.” TA_totellornottotell
1. AITJ For Being Upset That My Son Wasn't Invited To My Mother-In-Law's Childfree Wedding?
“I don’t have an issue with child-free weddings in general, but I was rubbed the wrong way when my mother-in-law chose to have one and didn’t make an exception for my 3-year-old son.
To me, it just seems so cold when it is her own grandchild, and I did have some resentment. I just felt like he was being snubbed and it really hurt me, but I didn’t say anything.
Recently there was some family drama. My mother-in-law’s dad has a new trophy partner every couple of months, so my mother-in-law just gave him an invite for him and a guest, but his current partner was offended her name wasn’t on it.
I was surprised my mother-in-law was inviting this woman because she despises her.
My mother-in-law made a comment about of course her name wasn’t on it, because the wedding is in August and who knows if they will even be together. I mentioned that I was surprised she invited her.
My mother-in-law said she didn’t want to, but it is so rude not to do plus ones.
I just couldn’t bite my tongue anymore and asked if she thought it was rude to exclude her own grandson. My mother-in-law replied that kids don’t belong at weddings, she doesn’t care how well-behaved, and that is her choice.
I said it was her choice, but still hurtful. He isn’t some random kid. He is her grandson.
My mother-in-law got mad about how rude I am. I called her a bridezilla and she told me to just not come. My husband is 100% on my side and told her that her actions are hurtful, to which she yelled at him to just not come either.
Now the family is divided over this.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are being really entitled with “I have no problem with child-free weddings unless it is my child. The bride can do what she wants at her wedding unless I disagree with it.” I’m all for a husband supporting his wife, but in this case, he is wrong.
You were out of line. You were exceptionally rude to her, trying to dictate what exceptions should be made to her wedding. Honestly, if it bothers you so much that your little angel won’t be at the wedding, perhaps it is best that you don’t go.
It seems you can’t put aside your own needs for that of the bride.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Her wedding, she decides who gets an invite. My sister had her reception at an art museum. Had to take out an insurance policy for $1 million in case the art was damaged. Because of that, she chose to not have kids at her reception, my child included. Know what I did?
I got a babysitter and supported my sister’s marriage. People need to stop this entitlement nonsense when it comes to their kids. Not everyone likes kids, not every place is kid-friendly. Either get a sitter or don’t go, but don’t whine to my mother-in-law because an adult she doesn’t like is invited while your child isn’t.” beerwookie3
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – So you say you understand a child-free wedding, but you resent her for it. Then you don’t actually understand. Whether it is a family member or not, it’s her wedding and she can decide to not have children at it.
Also, you’re comparing inviting another adult to a child, when the other adult doesn’t conflict with the “no children” rule. Grow up, it’s her wedding. She isn’t a bridezilla over this. Ultimately if you had issues with your child not going you could either just have your spouse go or neither of you go.
You made this a bigger thing than it needed to be for HER wedding.” [deleted]
