People Are Seriously Guilty Over These 'Am I A Jerk' Stories
21. AITJ For Telling My Friend Not To Spoil Her Child?
“My (21 F) coworker and friend (28 F) has a 5 year old girl who is the sweetest thing yet a total brat. She has been spoiled since she popped out the womb. Extravagant gifts and her parents rarely say no to her.
With it being Halloween season I’ve been dying to go Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios.
My partner works for universal and gets in for free, a comped ticket (used for me), and discounts on food and merch. She and her husband have been wanting to go to and decided to join us last minute. We were talking about it at her place when her daughter overheard.
Suddenly, she was whining and complaining wanting to go. This event is definitely not one you should bring your kids to.
When I was there she changed the subject and it seemed like her kid forgot about it. However, the night of they showed up with her kid.
She was jumping up and down excited. I asked if she was sure about this and if she understood what this event was. Even the ticketing and security asked them if they were sure. Well, sure enough 10 minutes past the gate she was screaming and crying.
The scare actors didn’t even go near her, just looking at them scared her. They kept her there for another 2 hours. We only did 1 of the 10 houses with them. Her dad had to hold her the entire time and we had to keep stopping because she was too scared to keep going.
I pulled my friend to the side and told her they needed to take her home and that they need to learn to say no to her and not spoil her or give into her all the time.
She got extremely upset at me and said I would never understand because I don’t have kids.
Even though I work in a day care and work with kids her age every day, 5 days a week. She said I was being insensitive and that her kid should be allowed to enjoy the night to, even when I told her her kid obviously wasn’t.
My partner and I ended up leaving them and going off to do our own thing. She told our mutual friends a different version of the story to make me sound bad and now I have everyone calling me a jerk and witch.
My other friend thinks I might have overstepped and crossed a line but my partner thinks my opinion was valid and it concerned the emotional health of a child.
So should I have just kept it to myself or used better wording?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But going forward, just split up from the beginning. “I see that you guys decided to bring your daughter. Since you are doing a family thing instead, we will go and do our own thing so you can tailor your activities to her.
See you later and I hope that you have fun!” Personally, I would not even try to give parenting advice here. Her crying should be enough for them to realize that they shouldn’t have brought her. Just make fewer plans with this couple in the future and disappear immediately as soon as their kid becomes annoying.” asecretnarwhal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Not everything is geared for children, and people need to learn that not everyone wants to have to accommodate someone else’s child at an event meant for older teens and adults. It spoiled the evening for you because you couldn’t do what you planned on doing while waiting around for a frightened child, all because your friend wouldn’t say no in the first place, and then wouldn’t take her home when it was clear she wasn’t having a good time.” Limerase
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Any parent who brings a 5-year-old to Halloween Horror Nights is both an idiot and massively selfish/cheap. Pay for a babysitter ffs. HHN is an event that scares even me, and I’m far from being aged 5. (I love it tho and look forward to it.) Also HHN is expensive.
Universal Studios really do need to set an age limit. I remember there were discussions in the past for them to do that, but I don’t remember why they decided not to.” GeekyStitcher
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Rush An International Trip To Meet My Partner's Birth Mother?
“I (M) am seeing a girl and we live together.
My partner was adopted from a foreign country when she was very very young, and she has never met or had any contact with her birth mother.
About two years ago, my partner began reaching out to the adoption agency in her birth country to attempt to get in contact. For the past two years and many attempts, her birth mother has never reached back out, but she has been made aware my partner has been attempting to make contact.
This week, my partner suddenly decided that she is tired of waiting, and she decided that the two of us must travel overseas for at least a week, where we will go to the adoption agency ourselves and attempt to get in contact with her birth mother who has never reached out.
And she says even if it’s a bust and no contact is made while we’re there, then at least she’ll have an answer and she’ll be content with that and the trip will have been worth it.
My partner has suddenly decided that this international trip has to happen in exactly one month, with no exceptions.
I have very lovingly explained that I would love to travel there with her, but I need more than one month to prepare for something so big. I have pretty severe anxiety about traveling overseas, and I can’t rush into something this big this without more time.
Also the month she has decided to go isn’t the best month for me to take time off of work. I have tried to compromise and negotiate a date sometime next year, but she is absolutely set on it being in one month.
She keeps telling me this trip isn’t about me at all, and that I don’t understand because I wasn’t adopted. Telling me I don’t understand how important it is.
She refuses to take this trip by herself, and is insisting that I must go with her at this time. She has begun blaming me for ruining this trip for her. Telling me I’m making it all about me, that I’m being selfish and weak.
She becomes very hostile and hurtful the more I try to voice my need for a further date. She says she’s tired of waiting and it has to be now, and I have to go with her. I have not lost my temper once with her throughout all of this, I have been loving and supportive but this is getting scary and stressful for me.
I know if I agree to go, she’ll be happy and loving and kind to me again.
I feel like my arm is being twisted and I’m being forced to do something that is very hard for me to do in this manner, hurried and rushed with all of this negative intensity pressuring me.
AITJ because I can’t take this trip the way she wants me to?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s her task and even after her bio mother has not reached out at all, she’s doing this for her satisfaction. She can’t expect you to leave everything and go on this journey.
She needs support but if she can’t be flexible about the trip and can’t make changes then it’s her own problem not yours” sprinkle___monster
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your fiance is showing you how she deals with conflict. When you calmly approach with reason and logic, she’ll reply with anger and lash out with name calling “selfish and weak”.
“Telling me I’m making it all about me” Uh, yeah. Your money and time off of work is 100% about you.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m adopted from an overseas country as well. I would never treat a partner so poorly about traveling there.
Do you realize she’s being abusive? Calling you weak and berating you when you’ve done nothing wrong is extreme. You’re worth more than a person like that can give you.” User
Another User Comments:
“As she said, this is not about you…… So you don’t need to go at all if it’s not about you.
However, if she insists on you going then SHE MAKES IT BECOME about the BOTH of you and thus it becomes necessary for her to make arrangements with you for a time when it is good for the both of you to go. And in all probability, there will be nothing they are going to do to help her that they haven’t already done.
And she can find out on the phone by asking them about visiting. So, if you do end up going with her, either in one month or later date, then she is probably going to wind up being more upset than ever and with your anxiety of travel that’s just going to make it even worse than ever on you when that time arrives.
So, no you’re NTJ. She is being one, however. Stand your ground and if it’s so important for her to go in one month and she can go alone since as she said it’s not about you.” Ixpen
Partner is living in a dream world that a lot of adoptees inhabit. I can say this because I once inhabited it myself. It took me knowing that even though my birth parents (who were married when they dumped me into the foster care system at birth) had the option to leave a letter that would give their permission and contact information for me to contact them, they did not. And at that point, I abandoned the idea that there would be any kind of joyous reunion because they didn't want anything to do with me, then or in the future. I think your partner needs a bit of tough love and to be told that if her birth mother dumped her once, and is now not responding to any overtures from her biological daughter, that the message is pretty clear and partner needs to heed it and back off.
I'm so sorry this is happening to your partner, because I know how much it hurts. But better she get over the whole business and get on with her life, than being consumed with meeting a woman who doesn't give a rat's @*$ about her, and spend a lot of money to come to that realization.
Good luck to you all.
19. AITJ For Wanting To Expose My Absentee Father At His Funeral?
“I (20f) have 4 siblings on my father’s side. My father (77m) was married to Maria when he was younger and had 3 children with her. After a few years my father and his wife decided to get a divorce, it was amicable for the sake of the kids, but my father still loved his ex-wife very much.
A while later, my father was in a relationship with this other woman, Ana, and ended up having a son with her, Leo. Their relationship didn’t last long and my father chose to wait until Leo was a bit older to introduce him to his other kids.
He did so when Leo was 6, but his kids didn’t take it very well.
My mother met my father a while later, they were in a relationship and she fell head over heels for him. He broke things off with her claiming to still love Maria and saying he wanted to try again with her.
A few weeks later he called my mom saying he missed her and wanted to see her. I was the result. He didn’t believe I was his, he wanted a DNA test and said my mother was lying. I was born and they did the test, it came back positive.
Even then he never tried to approach my mother nor meet me. My mother insisted that he should give me his last name and he kept refusing to do so, so she took him to court. It was a very ugly thing, he lied several times, said she tried to baby trap him even though he was the one to approach her, lied about how much he paid for child support for his other kids, turned down visitation rights, etc.
I never really missed having a dad, I have a great mother that always gave me love and affection. I asked about him and my mom was always very honest, saying that she contacted him and asked him to meet me, but he refused. I was a bit sad, but the thing that really hurt me was not knowing my siblings.
I asked my mother if I could at least meet them and that’s how I found out that my father had never told them about me. My mother said that he and Maria got back together and he said that Maria didn’t want the kids to know.
When I turned 18 my mom said that she had found my siblings’ social media accounts and that we could send them messages explaining the situation. I honestly don’t crave a relationship with my siblings anymore, so I chose not to. I explained to my mom that I want to wait until he passes away and show up in style at his funeral, preferably wearing a black dress with heels, huge sunglasses and a hat.
I feel like the people that admire him should know how he really is. Also, even if he doesn’t put me on his will, as one of his children, by law I have to appear at the hearing anyway.
Maybe I’m a jerk for wanting to do that to people that love him and are mourning him and I sort of feel bad about that, but I feel like his name should be dragged through mud for what he did and the only way to do that would be in a place where everyone in his life is gathered and they can’t manipulate the events through the g*******e of gossip.
So AITJ for wanting to expose my father at his funeral?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Your beef is with him, not his wife and children. What good would it do to upset his surviving loved ones after he’s dead? He’d never be held to account for his actions anyway, and you’d only succeed in hurting innocent people.” JPenelope
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You want to punish people who don’t even know who you are. They are completely innocent. What is the point of dragging someone’s name through the mud after they’re dead? Will it really give you satisfaction? By law you have to appear the hearing?
What law is that?” BlueGreen_1956
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – his funeral is absolutely the wrong time and place to “announce” yourself. If this is a need to meet your siblings, find another way. If this is you thinking you’ll get sort sort of revenge, guess what – that’s not how it works.
If you continue on that path you WILL learn that the hard way (especially if it really is old money), and permanently eliminate any chance of ever knowing your siblings.” PracticallyGone123
18. AITJ For Choosing Not To Attend My Distant Cousins' Weddings?
“Last year my mom’s cousin announced that both of her sons were engaged and the weddings will be a few months apart.
One was in this past August and the other one is this upcoming May.
I barely know this cousin and have only met her sons twice in my life. Her sons are about 12-14 years younger than me. My mom and my aunts still have a fairly close relationship with the cousin as they all grew up together though all of my cousins, my sister and I have not ever had much to do with her as she and her family live in a town several hours away from where we all live.
My husband and I received the Save The Date card for the August wedding a few months beforehand and I immediately told my mom that we wouldn’t be attending. She was pretty upset as she claimed that not going was disrespectful to her cousin. I told her that my husband and I don’t know the cousin’s son and therefore we are not spending the kind of time and resources that attending an out of town wedding requires for people we don’t know.
My mom kept insisting that we change our minds and had all kinds of reasons why we HAD to go such as the cousin really wanted the wedding to serve as something of a family reunion and that family weddings don’t happen very often anymore now that the majority of the grandchildren on my mom’s side are already married. I stood firm on my stance and sent a regret to both the bridal shower and the wedding.
My parents and sister went to the wedding and my mom insisted that everyone at the wedding was asking where my husband and I were. She also claimed that her cousin was upset at the fact that we did not attend. I really feel that that is an exaggeration and I told my mom as such.
She denied this but I know what I believe. I should also mention that we were not the only family members to not attend.
A few days ago the cousin sent out a mass email to the family with info on where to book a hotel for the May wedding.
My mom asked me if I received the email because she was getting ready to book the rooms. I told her that my husband and I are not going for the same reason that we didn’t go to the August wedding. I also said that if I am invited to the bridal shower like I was for the August wedding I will not attend that either.
My mom is now so upset and says that I don’t make enough effort towards the family. I told her that is not a fair statement to make as I attend many family gathering and contribute in some way such as baking a dessert and helping my cousins take care of their younger kids.
I also don’t think it’s fair of her to guilt me into attending a wedding. There are legitimate reasons to not attend an event and sending a respectful No Thank You isn’t an unspeakable thing to do no matter what type of event it is.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you don’t have a relationship with a person, what’s the point of attending their wedding? Out-of-town weddings are a big investment so it should be understood if someone can’t attend for any reason, even if you know them well. Send a card or have your mom relay your well-wishes and carry on with your life.
That said, I’m curious as to why it’s so important to your mom.” Ok_Woodpecker439
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here — your mother is upset because you represent her branch of the family and she would probably have more fun if you come with her.
There probably will be some busy body relatives who ask after you, and she’ll be irritated fielding questions about you because she already wanted you to come. It’s not fair for your mother to guilt you but she’s probably thinking about a previous era where extended families did make more of an effort with each other, largely because of, you know, the power of guilt.” ViolaVetch75
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband’s grandparents’ relatives also decided to use our wedding as a family reunion. Annoying since we were pressured into inviting some of them to begin with, and then were forced to send out extra invites to accommodate their reunion. I’m willing to guess your distant cousin couldn’t care less if you come.
In fact, bride and groom might even be relieved.” well_this_is_dumb
17. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Stop Giving Me Insincere Compliments?
“I have always been my mom’s least favorite child. I think I just was never the person my mom wanted me to be.
She had me on a diet at 13 because I was overweight. I weighed 115 lbs. She would tell me I smelled like BO and my hair was greasy despite 2 showers a day.
She would force me to go on long walks to exercise. She would make me turn my feet inwards because I was “slowly developing a club foot”.
Then I would walk too slow because I had to think about turning my feet in. I couldn’t sit right, slouched too much. I dressed too boyishly. My interests were partner deterrents. My butt wasn’t big enough so she bought me those gimmick shoes that are supposed to make walking harder to build glute muscles for my 13th birthday.
Then she wouldn’t return them.
2 years ago things shifted, I want to say for the better but I’m not sure. My mom was going off about how I never did anything to help her out around the house (I was forced to move home because I lost my job and have since moved out) and about how I am lazy and never do anything but read.
My twin sister who my mom has none of these issues with chewed my mom out and basically laid out how my mom was using me as free labor and I never complained because I was just grateful to be not homeless yet my mom had the audacity to complain that I did nothing.
She also pointed out how my mom never likes anything I do and how I am never good enough for her.
Ever since my mom has been weirdly nice. She goes out of her way to thank me for doing things for her. She gives me gifts every time I see her.
It doesn’t feel genuine. I know she is genuinely trying to be nice but I know she doesn’t actually like my outfit. I know she doesn’t actually like my hair. She just feels like she has to be nice and it feels weird. I would just prefer she say nothing than receive all these compliments she doesn’t mean.
Ever since my brother got married my mom has started making snide comments about his wife. So my brother sat my mom down and told her that if she is upset with my brother or his wife she better say it instead of pretending like everything is fine and making petty remarks about her issues instead.
My mom seemed to really take this to heart and asked me to tell her when she hurts my feelings. I immediately wanted to say “stop giving me compliments” but it is a weird thing to say. It also makes me sound like a jerk but I am massively uncomfortable when she says nice things about me and it hurts my feelings because I know she doesn’t mean it and is just trying to be nice.
I don’t know, would I be the jerk if I asked her to just stop. I don’t want her to stop being nice, just the compliments are off-putting.”
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk to tell her how you feel. Right now she’s forcing the compliments because she’s having to remind herself to be nice to you.
That’s better than being mean to you, but you want her to be a little more comfortable/natural about it. Tell her you’d prefer to wait for when she really likes an outfit or yours or something about you strikes her as really nice, but that you appreciate that she’s trying.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. The crux of the issue is if she is genuine, which you made she is not. And as they say, “one does not change overnight” thus by the same principle your mother would not all of a sudden change after 24 years of disrespect.
“What has changed?” “Why is she like this now?” Those are the important questions. But remember. She had 18 years to make things right, and she didn’t. So don’t let yourself be guilted.” CamaelCosmos
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. I would said why you are around her at all, but I have a toxic mom and I know how strong the trauma bond can be.
You might want to put some serious distance between you and her, bit by bit. She also sounds misogynistic herself — putting you and your brother’s wife down? Does she criticize the males?” PuddleLilacAgain
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For My Partner's Trip To A Wedding In Italy Amid Financial Struggles?
“We’re all based in England.
My partner’s cousin has been planning a wedding in Italy for next May, for the last couple of years, and has asked my partner to be a bridesmaid.
She made it quite clear from day one that she strictly wasn’t allowing any partners or children to the wedding.
This has sparked quite a lot of controversy in her family, with many of the family now boycotting the wedding because their partners, who I might add used to be very close friends with the bride, aren’t invited.
I took this quite personally for a while myself, before realising it more than likely is just down to cost and numbers.
But nevertheless, I have always said to my partner that if she wants to go, then I’m happy for her to do so, if she doesn’t then I’ll also respect whatever choice she makes.
I’m not a huge wedding lover anyway, so our grand plan was to still travel to Italy and have a holiday out of it, myself and our little boy, who will be 1 year old, just exploring for the day she’s at the wedding.
At this point, financially we were in quite a good place to do so.
However, this year we’ve hit quite significant financial difficulty. Our 7 month old son is growing in and out of clothes at the blink of an eye. I left my job in the Spring time to pursue starting my own business.
I invested my savings into starting it up, and business has been going well and I’ve been surviving, but I’m not at too stable of a salary just yet.
And then in the summer time, my partner, whilst on maternity leave, found out she was being laid off due to budget cuts.
She got a fairly small payout and has since used a chunk of it to pay off some debts and buy things for our baby whilst my finances have been covering the household bills, car finance, fuel etc, whilst I have a few small debts to pay off as well.
We’ve had to also sell her car and share mine as we couldn’t afford to run two cars anymore. She wants us to go on holiday next March for our son’s first birthday, which I’d love to do but I’ve had to say we might not be able to, so she’s mad about that.
Then there’s also Italy to pay for in May, that I’ve told her I’m struggling majorly at the minute to forecast for.
I’ve tried to raise my concerns with her over the last few months about the travel costs for the wedding but she’s not really been responding.
Then we got into an argument a few days ago where I raised it and she still hasn’t discussed it with me because I honestly think she is expecting me to pay it.
Had I have actually been invited to the wedding myself then I feel like things would be different, and we could compromise on some sort of cost or saved very harshly for it, but I feel quite put out whilst already in financial difficulty, paying for her just to go to a wedding, as otherwise if it wasn’t for this wedding, we more than likely wouldn’t have been planning a trip to Italy in the first place.
I have always wanted to go to Italy but I’m struggling to enjoy the idea of going next year solely for a wedding when we can’t afford it.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bro if you are struggling financially you shouldn’t be going to a wedding that far off or planning trips.
Is she aware of the financial situation? I would hope if she was she would realize that you guys need to save money especially with a little kid to look out for” Frosty_Caterpillar38
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She is clearly not irresponsible- she’s allocated her payout to things like debt management, baby needs, etc. She has willingly given up expenses like a 2nd vehicle.
She’s going to struggle with letting a friend and family member down. That’s okay- talk it out. Don’t get resentful that she’s assuming she can still go. Look at the finances. And remember you’re a team. It’s both of you VS the problem, not you VS her.” Ladyughsalot1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ plans change and if you had to even sell a car I don’t know in which universe it makes sense that you would now be able to spend money to go to a party in another country. In a sense it is as if you had sold your car so she could go to a party which I am sure was not the original intention” Locurilla
Good luck.
15. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Consistently Cancels Our Plans?
“For several weeks now (maybe even months) every time we have something planned my partner squeezes something in with his friends or coworkers.
Or he’ll promise me something knowing he has already plans. So for example if we are going to do something at 4 pm he will plan something in at 3 pm and of course will either be late or too tired to do what we planned. He never has the energy or wish to do something after work with me, not during the weekends either.
He wanted to play some game with me and we settled on one of my favorite games that he had never tried. He says that after work he has a quick workout and then when he’s home we can eat a tasty dinner and play the game.
I got really excited, made sure to not stay over at work and got home to fix up some stuff. He ends around 6, around 6.30 ish he writes to me a biker (regular bicycle) ran into him at full speed. I start to worry and text him like what, is he okay and is he injured. He texts me back that it hurt and that the biker was stupid, but he thinks his head didn’t get hurt or anything serious.
He then proceeds to tell me his still going to go swim with his coworker and that it’s just them and that he’s fine. I feel a bit weirded out and assume he’s fine then. He goes swimming and around 8 he says they are done and he’s heading home.
He comes home around 9 and starts cooking and I’m just sad that our little date night once again didn’t happen. He doesn’t like being up past 10 during workdays and since it’s a Wednesday I knew that it we wouldn’t have time to eat, play and get ready for bed.
Now this is where I might have been a jerk. So I’ve been somewhat quiet and focused on my job and school. Today he called me a narcissist for not showing any concern or sympathy for him getting injured. I tried to explain that previously when I worry and ask him too much about how he’s doing when he’s hurt or sick then he gets mad because I should just trust him on what he’s says that he’s fine.
I defended myself and said that he was fine enough to go and do all these things and even said himself that he’s fine. He claims that me being angry over our date night falling through instead of showing sympathy for him just shows that I’m a narcissist and that I’m insane.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But YTJ if you stay with his man. He’s showing you very clearly how he feels about you and that if isn’t going to change even if you bring it to his attention. That was some intense gaslighting at the end there.
You’re a narcissist and insane?? No no no. Run.” monsterbutt09
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are allowed to be upset that he doesn’t make any effort to spend time with you. Instead of listening and caring that he has upset you, he is gaslighting you and calling you a narcissist. He sounds like the narcissist to me.
Also, he doesn’t like you. Don’t stay with a man who doesn’t like you. There is a whole world of people to meet out there. Find one that wants to spend time with you as much as you want to spend time with them.” odintsova1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are acting like a doormat for him. He just tramples all over your plans to do something else. It sounds like he doesn’t like hanging out with you. Which is a bad sign for any relationship. He also gets upset when you do ask him if he’s OK and suggest getting it looked at?
That’s normal for someone to ask. I dont want to presume about your whole relationship but this just doesn’t sound worth it. He’s accusing you and getting angry over nothing. Constantly breaking date night plans to hang out with other people. I think maybe you should take some time to reflect about how much he actually cares about you and if this relationship is still in your best interest.” frostyfoxemily
14. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Biological Siblings About Our Shared Health Risk?
“Present: My mother battled with cancer for 10 years and passed away about 6 months ago. I myself am having some serious health issues and after her passing found out I may lose one of my kidneys.
I (33) call my dad to find out some of his family’s kidney history per my doctor’s request only for my dad to breakdown and tell me I am not his biological daughter and he is only telling me because he doesn’t want to lead me astray by answering the health questions incorrectly.
I had absolutely no idea my entire life and was never treated any differently than my siblings but as you can imagine this came as a huge shock.
I, the problem solver, go into instant action mode and reach out to my mother’s childhood best friend and ask her if she knew.
She did – and I asked her if she knew who my biological dad was. She said she had an idea who it might be and she would reach out and see if he was open to a conversation. Not even a few hours later I was on the phone with a random man discussing how this could be possibly (he had no idea I was his or that I existed).
We talk long enough and throw timelines together to figure out this could be a possibility. He and I decide to meet and take a paternity test and have a longer conversation. Come to find out he has a daughter and son and his daughter is having kidney issues similar to how mine started. For ref his kids are mid-twenties and that’s when my kidney issues started to begin.
Fast forward the paternity test comes back 99 and now I know this man is my bio dad. We take time to process this info. I decide personally with everything that has happened I’m not in a place to fully bring him into my life.
My bio dad tells me he will not tell his kids (his wife knows) and that I can meet with him in secret. I tell him no and I’m not okay with him lying to his kids as I was lied to especially since his daughter’s health issues are progressing very similarly to how mine started when I was her age.
He tells he it isn’t lying and I say lying by omission is lying – clearly this conversation doesn’t go well. I explained that I think this choice is his kids to make on whether they want a relationship with me. He strongly disagreed and I let it be.
Present my kidney was removed and they found cancer in my kidney. Luckily it was just in that kidney. I texted him about this as this seems to be coming from his side of the family given his daughter’s medical issues and family cancer history.
I explained why I was reaching out and I wanted to ensure his daughter was taking preventative measures. He told me she’s fine and he will not warn her about a family history as it might raise questions. Would I be the jerk for wanting to tell his kids they have a sister (me) and to make sure they are getting the correct care preventatively?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Wow! I can’t imagine him knowing his other daughter could possibly have a cancer warning and refusing to tell her! Especially since she’s showing issues.” beautbird
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but realize his children your siblings might not be in a place to handle this news and may call you a liar or turn hostile to you and you won’t get to share the health news you want.
I would say don’t do it in that manner, you said his wife knows, start by contacting her and letting her know the health news you want to share. I am sure she will prioritize the health of her children unlike their father. At some point she may even be willing to help you establish a relationship with your siblings.” DrSueuss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This may torpedo your relationship with your sperm donor but I am sure you would have loved to have this warning years ago. Cancer is not something you mess with and knowledge saves lives or at least give time.” Penelope_2023
Given that he clearly had no idea that he was your sperm donor prior to this, he is not that much of a jerk. (I was adopted myself, have never been very interested in tracing my biological relatives.) Trying to force a relationship with someone, or demanding to be acknowledged when they are resistant to contact, never ends well, particularly when other people are dragged in.
Prioritise your own health and, should you have kids, be aware of the risk to them but otherwise you would do better to let it go.
13. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Partner's Mum Who Disrespects Our Home?
“Me and my partner have been living together in our home for 2 1/2 years and together for nearly 5 years. We have an amazing relationship and a great dynamic. I recently lost my mother who was my best friend. We were so close and it broke my heart and both of my sisters’ hearts and my dad’s!
I share this because what I’m about to share makes me really upset and I want to give a bit of context to why.
So to the real problem now, my partner’s mum needed a place to stay and asked if she could live with us.
I said yes, unbeknownst to what was about to unfold. In my home, doors must be locked at night and lights off, if a light is on, you can see through the front door and literally see the back door open and you can see where our keys are etc. It’s just not safe and I feel like locking the doors is basic safety standards.
I live where there’s been some active crime as the area is newly established. My partner’s mum constantly leaves the back sliding door wide open and lights on. People can see that the back door is wide open which may attract crime. We have brought this up multiple times with her but she gets offended and gives us the silent treatment.
She wastes a lot of water putting 6 towels (4 of which are tea towels) on a 2 hour and 40 minute washing cycle. She puts the dishwasher on when it’s not full and leaves lights on, her tv, fan and wastes so much electricity and we told her nicely that we will have a chat about our concerns and again, I got the silent treatment this.
You can’t tell her what she’s done wrong otherwise she will deflect it and tell you what you’re doing wrong or says “I’m hurt”.
Fast forward to tonight, I am in my bathroom and her bedroom is next to mine and I can hear her conversation very clearly.
I can tell she is on the phone to her “psychic” as she says “does (my name) feel guilty”…. “What does her mother think about this? Her name is (says my mothers name)”. She was asking the psychic what my deceased mother think about my actions… I haven’t done anything except voice my concerns in my own home.
Am I the jerk for 1) calling her out on her phone call as she’s entitled to privacy but I couldn’t help overhear it as she was talking very loudly and 2) being upset about her comment about my mum? I feel like it was very inappropriate for her to use my mum to talk about me in a negative context.
She knows how hard losing my mum was and I feel like it’s disgusting to ask some nut job what my deceased mother thinks about me. She also doesn’t pay anything. She did give me $100 for bills once after living here for a month but told me she won’t do it every month… but spends a tonne of money speaking to “psychics” in the UK but won’t contribute financially to her sons household.
She also has like $760k in the bank as I had to help her with her banking. So she CAN afford to help us out. Am I also the jerk for wanting to kick her out? She’s treating us like a hotel and I find it so rude that she won’t offer to pay anything.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your house your rules. I think you’re right in thinking she uses you like a hotel. What does your partner think about his mother? Does he have your back? You two need to set a specific date in which she has to go.
Otherwise she will stay there forever. I bet she don’t intend ever to move out.” Justrennt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Speak to your partner and explain it might be time she moves out. This situation is only benefiting her and costing you money and potential safety in your own home.
She is being very disrespectful and you don’t deserve to have to live this way in your own home. She should be fine though, her psychic should have seen this coming :)” FlyingDandelion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you and your partner need to have a private discussion about what to do, talk all of this out and make a plan.
You both need to tell her, not suggest, what you want. If she’s got that much money, she can afford a to be on her own. You’re both being used, and it won’t stop until she leaves or passes away.” irish_miah
12. AITJ For Not Telling My Sister Where Our Dog Was Buried After He Passed Away?
“I (20sF) had a dog, Rookie, who was my best friend since I was little. I was a lonely child and he was my emotional support, he was everyone’s responsibility, everyone would look after him.
However, my sister, Frankie (20sF) always claimed that Rookie was hers and that she was his sole carer, although she barely did anything and only did stuff with him to put on social media.
One time she had an argument with our mother and she left with Rookie and was gone for weeks, she never messaged and I barely slept.
Until one day I returned home and Rookie tackled me to the floor, and I sobbed into Rookie for hours. Frankie came home a few days later and acted as if nothing happened, since that day, I never let Rookie be alone with Frankie again and I became the owner not too long after, since Rookie wouldn’t let anyone else walk feed or sleep around him.
In the recent years, my sweet Rookie passed away in the night from health issues. I was his person in his old years. Our dad buried him a couple of hours later and I decided to sort out his belongings. After his passing, Frankie made it all about her and how hard her life was without him.
I was angry but left it, as we all loved him. Until one day my other sister, Joanne (30sF) sent me screenshots of Frankie messaging a friend about how sorry she felt for me as a kid and that she ‘gave’ me Rookie out of pity because I was ‘such a loser’ and that no matter what, Rookie would ‘always be hers’.
Once I saw her again, she asked me where ‘HER dog’s grave was’ and I told her that she didn’t deserve to know, and I suppose out of grief I exploded at her for acting like such an entitled jerk, and that how dare she say those things about me and act like the owner when I was the one pouring water and mashed kibble into him so he’d eat and drink, when I was the one giving him bathes to soothe his arthritis, when I was the one cradling him in his last hours so he wasn’t alone.
When I was the constant as she dipped in and out of Rookie’s life for years.
She proceeded to scream that I was a ‘selfish jerk’ and that I was horrible for denying her the chance to say goodbye.
She eventually got the location of Rookie’s grave off of one of my parents and she said goodbye to him when I was away at college, but we’ve had a visible wedge between us since.
I have since hidden the remainder of Rookie’s belongings (which I kept) and I reckon she may have tried to find since I went into my bedroom once to find a few drawers and belongings scattered.
My friends and Joanne are 100% on my side and says that Frankie has always been a selfish woman, meanwhile my parents have said that I went a bit too far since he was a family pet and now I’m feeling a bit guilty, if not, a little morbid.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. You guys are all petty and overly possessive of this dog. Even if your sister only used Rookie as a social media prop according to you, doesn’t mean she’s not allowed to mourn his passing.
Also, you don’t know her true thoughts or feelings regarding the situation and we’re only getting your perspective. The truth could be a lot more nuanced especially with how strong her reaction was IMO.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. She’s a jerk for taking the family dog away from its family for that long and you’re a jerk for denying her his belongings and grave.
You’re BOTH making it about you and BOTH caddy as heck. The more you told that story, the more horrible you became. Get over yourself.” GimmeUrNachos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Was it petty? Sure. But she always had the option of getting the information elsewhere, so I don’t think you’re the jerk.
If I had to take a stab in the dark, I would guess that your sister has always gotten her way more often, thrown fits if she doesn’t, and has been catered to by your family to avoid those fits. She sounds very selfish and entitled. You sound like maybe you feel some emotional abandonment.
I definitely think this situation is indicative of a much larger problem in the relationship between the two of you. I wish you the best of luck in working through that.” ComposerNo7220
11. AITJ For Leaving A Night Out After My Wife Berated Me In Public?
“My wife (27f) and I (29m) had my wife’s brother (29m) and his partner (29f) over for lunch as a light housewarming and an evening of socializing in our new area. I was partaking less than the group as I had work to do the next day.
We historically all get along. There has been one other time where I left a night out after my wife had a go at me, and where her brother and partner were in attendance.
The evening was going well. It was getting cold so the group made the joint decision to move inside.
The place was busy, so I said I’d go in to check and make sure we could get a table without losing our current one. When I went inside, there was one table free (not enough space), but the bloke sitting on the one next to it said he was leaving in 5 mins.
I sat at the free table and messaged the others that I had one.
As soon as they saw the table my wife and her brother complained about the spot and were frustrated that we had lost our old table. I explained to them that the bloke sitting next to us was about to leave and that both tables were ours in 5 mins.
Her brother immediately went to look for another table. During his search my wife started having a go at me asking why I chose said table. She was pretty inebriated at this point, and beyond explaining that there were no other tables when I looked, I basically ignored her.
She then started to berate me, and yelled “listen to me”, or something close to that effect. This occurred in the middle of the restaurant. I felt both embarrassed and angry for being yelled at in public. I told her that “I’m not putting up with this”, left the venue, and walked home.
All three of them tried to call me, but I ignored their calls. Once I got home I messaged her brother and sister-in-law to apologise for leaving, but explained that I was very frustrated with my wife, and that I would not be returning. They let it be.
When my wife arrived home she continued to berate me. This angered me more, but I felt she was too inebriated to reason with and so told her to go to bed. She eventually stormed off. The next morning I told my wife that she was out of line on the night.
She said that she only had a vague recollection of the previous night, but based on my recap agreed and was very apologetic.
I also woke up to a message from my wife’s brother (sent the night before). He said that he thought my behaviour was poor (he was absent during the actual event and my leaving).
Having been yelled at, I felt justified in leaving. I felt like his judgement was both unfair and unnecessary. Taking his perspective, I have done this twice, but both times were in response to my wife berating me when inebriated. I don’t really know how to move forward with my wife’s brother, but I feel as though I’m owed some kind of apology from him.
Am I the jerk”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your wife’s actions while inebriated were horrible. She was yelling and cursing at you over a table? Come on that’s something so petty. The fact that she doesn’t even remember is concerning. She should be concerned that her behavior was so bad you walked away from.
I’d sit down with and have an honest conversation about this issue.” Medium-Antelope-4593
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you have larger problems than leaving a bar. Does your wife treat you this way normally or only when she’s been partaking? She needs to control herself better.
I used to be kind of like this in my younger days. I distinctly remember being a jerk to my partners when we’d be out partaking. I cringe when I think about it now. It’s immature dramatics & totally destructive behavior.” Starry-Dust4444
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to sit there and take the mistreatment. Your wife’s brother certainly doesn’t have the full picture, I’d just ignore him as irrelevant. He’s allowed to have an opinion on it, people are allowed to be wrong and you don’t have to waste time or energy on those situations.
As for your wife you need to have a conversation with her about her behavior when she partakes. Twice is bordering on a pattern of bad behavior.” revmat
10. AITJ For Being Upset My Partner Attended A Thanksgiving Dinner She Wasn't Up For?
“AITJ for being irritated that my partner came to a Thanksgiving dinner at my friend’s house?
My friends invited me to their place for Thanksgiving dinner a couple weeks ago and I told my partner about it then and she wanted to go with me, this is fine because she’s very well liked by all my friends and I like it when she comes along to hang out with my friends.
Fast forward a couple weeks and she’s got a lot going on in her personal life and has been feeling fairly down. I didn’t realize that the thanksgiving dinner was going to take place on Monday rather than Sunday (thanksgiving was Monday but I didn’t know if they were holding it a day before the work week started or not if that makes sense).
My partner has been very stressed with family and school and wakes up at 4AM every morning and I know she likes to be in bed on school nights at about 8-9PM. Considering the fact that dinner wasn’t until 5pm and it’s a bit of a drive to get back to her dorm I asked her if she still wanted to go that night with me or if she wanted to just go home before I left in order to get to bed when she likes to.
She didn’t seem like she wanted to go at all really but was going for me and I told her to not just come because she felt pressured. Again she assured me she wanted to come. Sure enough we get there and she’s acting like she doesn’t want to be there pretty much right from the get go, she’s on her phone not talking to anyone and just looks like she’s ready to go as soon as we get there.
Again I want to reiterate she has been having a really tough past little bit so it’s not entirely unexpected but it definitely brought the vibe down and I didn’t get to talk to my friends at all really because she would follow me wherever I went and just stand there quietly and sometimes kinda like baby talk at me which I thought was weird because she doesn’t usually act like that in public.
We had dinner and sure enough 7 rolls around and she asks if I can get her a ride back to my place to pack up her stuff. I was pretty disappointed because this is exactly what I thought would happen. A bunch of my friends were there that I don’t see very often and we were the first to leave because she had to get to bed. I just wish she had gone back home and not come really at the end of the day because it really ruined the night for me.
She said she would just go by herself and I thought about getting another ride later but I had already spent $30 on rides that day and knew I would have to get her another one to go home after we got back to my place when she was ready, which would have put me at $60 for rides that day.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She didn’t have to go, or she could have had more coffee the next morning. She was very selfish to come and want to leave at 7. She could have paid for her own ride to leave early. So many things she could do different, but the one thing she chose made her the jerk.” No_Mathematician2482
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Or at least mostly NTJ. The main thing here is, she should’ve stayed home. You’re absolutely right about that. That being said, why was the cost of the ride enough of a reason for you not to stay? You said these were a bunch of friends you rarely get to see, right?
Surely it’s worth the cost of an extra ride to be able to spend time with them in that case.” Cuddles_AeriePeak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You asked her multiple times if she really wanted to go. She definitely ruined your night and seems to not be self aware.
You should definitely bring up how you feel so its not bottled in you. Best advice: if she doesn’t understand your feelings or gets defensive, then she has no problem putting her needs first. also the baby talk is weird…seems like she was just trying to be around you but not actually try to socialize edit: She should have also totally paid for her own ride if she wanted to get out of there early” ManufacturerFew5235
9. AITJ For Telling My Criticizing And Insulting Dad He's Not Welcome At My House?
“I (32f) and my fiancé John (37m) have been together for 5 years, we have a 18month-old son and I’m about to give birth to our 2nd.
John is from Greece and moved to UK 7 years ago.
I’m not close with my dad due to historical issues but had a semi-healthy relationship and would see him 1/2s a month.
I took a year off work after my son was born and dad started visiting 2s a week to see him.
This was fine at first and I opened up about small issues me and John were having (MIL who speaks no English was living with us, both learning how to be parents, both sleep deprived etc but nothing huge). Dad would often side with John which was quite helpful to see his point of view.
About 6 months in things started to change.
Dad became critical of me, saying that John didn’t value me as much as I hadn’t lost the baby weight. He said I wasn’t the “pretty little thing he first met” and would generally put me down.
He’d ignore me if I asked him not to do certain things with my son, like take him outside in just a vest or let him eat masses of sugar and would overstep clear boundaries I set. I’d tell him how this made me feel but it made no difference.
I’d gone back to work when I found out I was pregnant again and he told me my career was over as I’m “too weak of a person” to raise 2 children and work. I found out we were having another boy and he told me he’d be happier if baby 2 was a girl.
Just general unpleasant comments.
Everything blew up when John asked my dad if he could borrow money to help his mum pay Johns dads medical bills (he had passed away which is why she was living with us) My dad agreed and was kind and understanding.
I rang him the next day while on break at work to say thanks and he started shouting.
The main theme was that John was going to leave me with 2 kids and run back to Greece to be with his mum as he clearly cared more for her than us.
He said he felt pushed into helping and that if he didn’t John would just steal the money from somewhere and that he’ll get a phone call from the hospital one day to say Johns beaten me up. This was all so out of the blue, John and dad always got on well and John has never laid a finger on me or stolen.
I broke down out of shock and pregnancy hormones and got John to send the money back to dad.
The next day I called dad to talk about what he said. He told me he stood by it all, that he sees the real John and that we were ending the conversation there.
I flipped and said if he didn’t want to hear what I had to say and make nasty comments about John then he wasn’t welcome at our house. This was 5 months ago, other than a birthday text I haven’t heard from him since, he hasn’t asked about his grandson and has made no attempts to talk.
I’m upset that he hasn’t reached out but still angry with him. I can deal with him being critical to me (he’s always been) but I won’t have him talking nonsense about the father of my kids. AITJ for telling him not to come over?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ seems like he’s not able to tolerate the fact that you’re a grown woman with a job and family. Because all that is a reminder that he doesn’t get to control you. Frankly, I would stop answering his calls. He’s not worth your time.” SlabBeefpunch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are saying that you’re not ok with him saying nasty things about John, but you are ok with him saying nasty things to you? How is it different? You also say he is always “critical” of you, but the things you described him saying to you are not critical, they are abusive.
I think you should cut any contact with him, because he has already shown he is a wolf in sheeps clothing by being nice at first and “things started to change” (most DV victims described basically the same thing), so if you let him back into your life, the same will happen again.” greutli
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for having you feelings hurt. Has your dad always said hurtful things to you or others out of the blue like this? If the answer is no, there may be an underlying medical reason for it.” Aggravating_Air4842
8. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Pay The Appraised Price For A Vase His Son Broke?
“So I (23F) am an avid shopper and I love to get things at estate sales in my area. I buy all my designer goods (most vintage so its amazing quality) from them and they’re a hidden gem since barely any people even go to them in my area so I’ve been able to find amazing things.
I bought so much jewelry/clothes/furniture from estate sales that I later get appraised for thousands while I spent 300 on it max. I’ve been able to find amazing things for a cheap price.
I love to decorate my condo with the things I buy and make sure all my extremely expensive things are kept safe in a storage unit.
Once I buy a house in the next upcoming years is when I will bring them out. I went to an estate sale this summer and bought mostly clothes, and also a beautiful vase. I bought it for 40 dollars and it didn’t look expensive to me, but another collector friend of mine saw it in the background of one of my stories and asked me where I got it from and said it looked like a vintage vase he’s been looking for.
I went and got it appraised and come to find out its worth 3,500 dollars. I made sure to get its authentication as well. I did leave it in my bookcase and decided to keep it as decoration even though I typically put expensive furniture/decor in my storage unit.
This week my partner (30M) came over and unexpectedly brought his ten year old son. He lives in NYC with his mom and he has him during the summer, but he came back to stay with my partner for a bit since his mom just had a baby that was in the NICU.
I didn’t mind since his son is nice and has never damaged anything of mine. When his dad and I were cooking in the kitchen he was watching TV in my living room. All of a sudden I hear a crash and we run into my living room to see my new vase shattered. His son started crying saying he wanted to see a book I had in my bookshelf and saw the vase and thought it looked cool and “touched it” and it fell.
His dad reassured him and saying its okay he’ll replace it and to make sure he’s not hurt.
I was upset but said it was okay and kept my composure. Later I spoke to him when he came over alone and we agreed he’s to pay me back.
He asked me how much it is and I said its worth 3,500. He raised an eyebrow and asked how much I paid since he knows I always find things at the sales and I was honest and said 40 dollars. He told me he would pay me the 40 and I said absolutely not.
Just because the woman that sold me it didn’t know its true price doesn’t mean I don’t and if I ever sold it I would charge its appraisal worth so he needs to pay me back the appraised price. He’s not hurting for money, he makes 800k a year.
I make 200k so I’m not asking him to as if I don’t have money, it’s the principle since his son broke it he should pay the appraised price. He sent me the money but was upset saying I’m a jerk since I got it for so much cheaper.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ His son broke it. It doesn’t matter how much it cost you initially. If you said you wanted it to be replaced or to purchase one similar it would cost you $3500. That is the value of the item and the price your partner has to pay.
Insurers would love to be able to pay the initial purchase price for antiques etc. but have to pay the valuation/replacement price, why should your partner be any different. EDIT: Ask him if he would be happy to accept the initial purchase price of his house from an insurer or would he expect to receive the present day market valued price.
I’m sure we all know what his answer would be – so no difference whether it be a house or a vase.” Ampu-leg-lass
Another User Comments:
“I feel like YTJ. He’s a kid who accidentally broke something. You really want to ruin any relationship you have with that kid for $3500?
You said already that you didn’t mind him there before because he never broke any of your stuff. I guess you mind him there now. Not to mention the kids new sibling is in the NICU, probably struggling to survive. It seems like you tolerated him until he made a mistake.” Fantastic_Horror_186
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you plan on this being the end of your relationship with your partner; because asking him to pay the ” appraised amount” is basically telling him that you care more about a vase you paid $40 for then you do your relationship with him.
YTJ if you never planned on selling it, and you charge your partner more than you paid for it, and still want to have a relationship with him after this.” makethatnoise
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Return To Construction To Cover Rent While My Partner Recovers?
“My partner (29F) and I(31M) have been in a relationship for 4 years.
She was an RN for the biggest hospital in the city we used to live in that was hard hit by health issues. She was struggling at the time and then went on medical leave for a few months to recover. I covered most of the rent for those few months which was hard because I made half of what she did and had to work a lot of overtime.
Then she got back to work and decides to become a travel nurse. She made 3x as much and said the work was horrible but at least she made more. She did that for a year and noticed that most of where she was needed was in a city we had talked about wanting to move to.
I also had wanted to move there but it was so expensive so I couldn’t afford it. She said she could get a contract for working locally (within 50 miles) of the city and still make a travel nurses salary. She would be a local travel nurse and not have to fly or live away from home a lot which she had to before.
So I agreed to move and we moved 14 months ago.
She worked another year and got burnt out from the work. She took lots of overtime and tried to work as much as possible even when I told her she was behaving weirdly. Then she had a full mental breakdown at work.
She got scared of going out of the house and she said couldn’t work without extreme anxiety. She wants to take disability leave which her work provides insurance for but would only pay her around $2200/month in income for 6 months.
She paid most of the rent for a year.
She paid $2000 and I paid $800 for rent. And she was working so hard because she went from $60k of student loans to $4k of student loans in 2 years. While sending money to her mom because her mom is disabled and disability isn’t enough. But now she wants me to pay $1800 in rent while she pays $1000 because short term disability doesn’t pay much.
But my job doesn’t make much. I make $3100 a month after taxes and I have student loans payments as well.
So we are in a hard position but she has an emergency fund of 8k. I told her to use that to pay at least 50/50 with me but she argues she paid more rent than me most of the relationship and it’s now time for me to do my part.
She wants me to go back to construction which is extremely gruelling. I could make $5000/month in construction which I used to do before we met but it killed my body and I still can’t lift my right arm high because of an injury my company denied. I was a scaffolder.
She thinks she worked like crazy for us to move to a better city and paid most of the rent for years so I should make the sacrifice to go back to construction and keep us afloat for 4-6 months while she goes to therapy and tries to get rid of her agoraphobia so she can go back to work.
But she is the reason we moved to this city and she promised to cover most of the rent so we could. Even moving back is expensive now. But I think she should pay at least 50/50 so I don’t have to go back to construction.”
Another User Comments:
“Going with YTJ because you’re not supporting your partner which should be obvious in a relationship, it works both ways because you’re supposed to be a team. However when you move somewhere (specially if it’s expensive) you normally plan these things before hand.
You look at the finances and go over the possibility: “what if someone loses their job, can we still afford it then?” imo this should have been discussed before moving.” Trixy_Challenger
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She paid more than you when she could. Now she cannot, she expect you to do the same.
I would be so resentful of you if you did not reciprocate this help. If you really don’t want to come back to construction (which is fair) put yourself out here and find another job or another place to live. You also mentioned that moving back now is expensive: probably housing prices increased, and they would have increased either way.” ryu961
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. So when she paid more and was working herself to the bone and not complaining, it was fine and dandy but when she’s having a breakdown you are no help? And she’s proposing you coming back to previous occupation after an injury that basically left you without full ability to use your hands?
Interesting.” Key-Flatworm1578
I think she should leave your stingy @*$ and go out on her own and get a bedsitter or rent a room, because it's clear you only value her when she's supporting you and you won't support her in return, even if you are capable of taking a job you don't like to do so. Shame on you. I hope she leaves you, because you've made it excruciatingly clear that you are the only one in this relationship who matters, and she should give up her savings because you don't want to work hard enough to support you both. You're a pathetic excuse for a man.
6. AITJ For Kicking Out My Daughter After She Insulted Her Disabled Uncle?
“For context, my brother, L (31) is disabled, he and was born with a condition that made him born without a chin/jaw.
He is genuinely my (40F) best friend.
Our mother passed away last month, it hit L the hardest because she was his carer. She had cancer, so we had time to discuss any wishes that my mother had, one of them was that when she passed away I let my brother live with me, I agreed. I got an extension added on to the side of our house for my brother, so he would have his own space and I could always look out for him.
Our family has always been close with L, he would stay with us when my mother was away. My son (11) adores him and they’re always doing fun things together like sports and gaming, I also thought my daughter B(20) got along with L, they often have mario kart tournaments together and L has even convinced me and my husband to give her a bit more independence.
Two nights ago B came home late from a party with her friend. I always stay up when B is out to make sure she got home okay. I heard her come into the house with her friend and I heard B making fun of her uncle. I thought my mind was playing tricks on me.
Me and my husband have never raised our kids to say such things.
That comment just took me back to when me and L were younger and me defending him against all the horrible people that would stare and make fun of him.
I got up out of bed and I asked my daughter to repeat what she said.
I could tell from the look on her face that she didn’t think I’d hear that. I asked how she could say something so cruel about her own uncle. That this is not how she was raised and at 20 she should know how awful that is, and if she thought saying that to her friend made her look cool she was wrong, that she made herself look like an insecure bully.
She didn’t apologise, she just said that nobody was meant to hear that and it’s not a big deal. I asked B’s friend if her parents are okay with her having friends stay over. She said yes so I told B to leave and stay at her friend’s house.
B said I’m meant to take her side, that I’m her mother, I told her I have been L’s sister longer than I’ve been a mother. B didn’t think I was serious, I’ve always been a calm parent and I have never told her to leave the house before.
I had every intention of having B back home, but she needed to learn a lesson that I meant that behaviour would not be tolerated. I apologised to B’s friend for being in the middle and I gave her cash to cover the cab to her house.
I called B yesterday, hoping she understood how out of line she was, she didn’t. She was unhappy that I took L’s side over hers. I told her to come home so we could discuss this properly but she refused. I have been in touch with her friend and B is still staying with her, so at least she’s safe.
My husband said I was too harsh, but there’s still that protective big sister rage in me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Daughter was horrible to someone she supposedly loves and has fun with regularly. I would’ve done the same thing, probably forced her to write an apology letter.
It deeply concerns me that she doesn’t see what the problem is. The disabled victim seems to have stood up for your daughter which makes this all the more heartbreaking. This behavior will backfire on her eventually. You’re being quite kind IMO.” Stardust777788
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, your comment on knowing your brother longer was not a good comment to make. It shows you would always pick your brother. Instead of teaching your daughter that just because you are her mom doesn’t mean you will back up her hurtful comments.
All you did was probably create resentment towards your brother. Your daughter obviously sucks on her comment.” lilwildjess
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I say this as an older sister of someone with Down’s syndrome. You do not kick out your daughter for something she said.
Was it okay for her to say that? Absolutely not. Do you need to have a convo with her and get to the real root of the issue? Yes. Your reaction was over the top.” Bootiebloot
5. AITJ For Cancelling Surprise Trip Due To Constant Fighting With My Wife?
“A comedian my wife is a fan of will be presenting in my country, I wanted to give her a surprise so I bought a couple platinum tickets about 8 months ago.
My wife has always been someone to escalate things easily, example: When we were really poor, I came from work at night (walking), I was tired and she wanted to go out to the store to return a box of oat flakes that were past their expiration date when we bought them, that was another 50min walking.
I didn’t want to go, so she went crying and left.
Recently, she has been starting fights for any reason and it’s getting really tiring and frustrating as she spends at least 2 days after the fight with an angry face, smashing doors, and not talking to me at all.
The last couple weeks we have had three fights, the last one happened because I was collecting the trash bags, so I went and opened the little tank where we store the dirty cat litter bags and I said “Oh, that’s why the smell is so overwhelming when we open this tank, the bags are always open” and she started yelling “Suuure, that happens every day every time you open that tank, doesn’t it?” To which I answered, yes, it happens every time I’m a calm tone because I didn’t see fault in it and she started yelling that I didn’t have a say in it because she cleaned the litter boxes most of the time (usually she does it when I am still working).
I told her she didn’t need to get angry, I was not complaining, I was just stating a fact there, but according to her by saying that I was belittling her. I don’t know how…
The next day I went to my sister’s apartment and spent the day there in order to relax for a bit away from the minefield my wife had become.
I came back at night, found that my wife had invited a female friend and had been shopping and eating out all day. She asked me to go down (we live in an apartment) and help her get a cab for her friend. I did, and I forgot to close our bedroom door before I went.
After getting the cab, we went back… and it turned out a cat had gone into the bedroom and peed there. At that’s moment my wife started yelling again and resumed the fight from the day before. I didn’t say a word, I had already given up on rationalising with her.
Between all her yelling she said “You know, I will take out the trash since apparently you are tired of doing it!” even though I had never said anything about that.
I was extremely angry, tired and frustrated as it seems I would spend many more days just listening to her yelling all the time without deserving it.
I have been playing along with every ask she has had since she she had a hard childhood and couldn’t do many things, so I wanted to let her do what she couldn’t before. At some point I was tiring myself out by getting two jobs plus studying in college so I could support her family.
Out of frustration I decided to cancel the flights and the reservations to the 5 star hotel. I wasn’t going to pay so much money to get yelled at and to see her acting upset in another city.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If I was you I’d just cancel this relationship, as it doesn’t seem like it’s going to get any better for you.
She seems to be using use as an emotional punch bag. The fact you need to go to your sisters to relax says it all.” aygomyownroad
Another User Comments:
“Maybe no jerks here, but definitely these fights aren’t about whatever you think they’re about.
Maybe she feels like you belittle her in other contexts. She’s unhappy about something and these mole hills are becoming mountains. I suggest a thorough examination of the way you treat each other and an honest conversation to find the source. These are symptoms, not the actual disease.” unabashed_nuance
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like Erin Brockovich. When her partner bought her some earrings, he thought he would give them to her the next time she was nice to him. Months later, as he was packing to leave, that’s what he told her.” Popular-Way-7152
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Return A Gifted TV To My Ex?
“A few months ago my now ex-partner (33) and I (32 f) were hanging out and he was picking on me for not having a “normal” TV. He asked why it was so small, and I gave him this explanation:
Buying TVs stresses me out. There are too many options, all in different price ranges, and I just don’t care enough to put in the time to read up on TVs. On top of that, I’m a smallish woman with smallish muscles; transportation from the store to my car, then into my house would be a struggle for me.
Then I would either have to mount it on the wall with tools that I don’t have, or buy yet another piece of furniture to accommodate for it. I said it’s not worth it to me, so I just use this poor quality old Vizio over here that I can lift.
Well he left that night and went to the store the next morning and bought me a relatively inexpensive 58” Hisense Roku tv, came back and surprised me with it. It was really a nice gesture. Aside from the money spent, he listened to all of my concerns and addressed them in a thoughtful way.
I bought a wall mount at his behest and he put it on the wall for me later that week. This was my ex at his very best… or so I thought.
Fast forward to one day when we were watching a movie at my house and he makes a comment like, ‘you know if we break up you have to give that back, right?’ Taking it completely as a joke, I laughed and asked him if he was bribing me to stay with him, he said some ridiculous thing back to me and I laughed.
Recently we broke up and he turned really nasty… He said I was required to give him back the TV because it was a conditional gift! He said that if I did not bring it back to his house, he would take me to small claims court for it (it is basically as wide as I am tall and it is heavy and I don’t own any power tools- the request is ridiculous).
He also said he has proof through texts that it is conditional but I haven’t been able to find anything.
Around the time that I was deciding on the break up, I WAS considering giving him money for it, because I felt bad and didn’t want him thinking I was taking advantage of him.
I looked it up and the value is at about $300. A part of me wants to just give him the money and make him go away… I don’t necessarily have that lying around like he does (he is an engineer and makes good money).
The other part of me doesn’t like that he just threatened me with legal action and I am a little bit like “Bring it, jerk!” I blocked him after he threatened me (and did some other awful things), so I don’t know if he even wants money for it as much as he doesn’t want me to have the tv.
WIBTJ if I gave him nothing? I am going through a no contact period before I even approach him with potential money, so in the meantime, I wanna figure out my approach before unblocking.”
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk. He obviously bought it FOR you.
You bought a wall mount and he attached the TV to it. It’s yours. It’s attached to the wall. He’s just a cheapskate who wants to take back his gift. In my opinion, I’d say let him try to take you to small claims court.
He’s unlikely to win, more than unlikely to actually file suit, and if he won, you’d simply have to return it, sans mount. I wouldn’t be surprised if he did something obnoxious like key your car or break your window, but you can’t worry about that.” Prairie_Crab
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – As we used to say, possession is 9/10 of the law . . . of course that’s not true . . however, he gave you a gift and it should be yours to keep. Unless you signed papers etc proving the tv was his to take with him.
It seems like a mighty silly argument and I think the man has had his feelings deeply hurt in the breakup. Maybe you can offer to pay him back via scheduled payments as the tv isn’t that expensive and it would just be an inconveniance to you to have to bring it back.” orangeupurple1
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk he paid for it and wants it back. He may be a jerk but he’s still legally in the right. If you can’t lift it to get it to him set a time for him to come grab it.
If you don’t wanna see him have somebody else wait there for him. It may suck but you owe him the money or the TV. You don’t get to keep it just because he’s a jerk. Sorry.” WebAcceptable7932
Trust me - he'll lose. I'm not a lawyer and this is not a legal opinion, but I do know the definition of a gift. Good luck.
3. AITJ For Cutting Off Contact With My Mom Who Favors My Oldest Daughter?
“I am 27 F my husband is 24 M we have 3 daughters ages 4,2,1 years old.
My mother (46 F) has always favored my oldest daughter out of my 3. She claims it’s because when I had my daughter she raised her. Which isn’t exactly true. I had my oldest daughter at 22 almost 23 years old. Her biological father is a guy I was seeing in high school and for a few years after.
My mother had to move into my apartment I had while I was pregnant due to her and her partner at the time separating. She then proceeded to move us into an even smaller house. After having my oldest daughter I went through PPD and it was a nightmare.
Instead of my mother asking if I was alright or needed help she proceeded to tell me I was a terrible mom and that I needed to sign my daughter over to her, she even told me she would allow me to claim her on my taxes and get to keep the funds.
I very clearly declined this offer. My husband and I got together when my oldest daughter was 2 months old. We proceeded to have another child together and my mother was furious.
Since the day I told her I was pregnant again she wasn’t happy.
She didn’t go all out like she did for my oldest. She berated me my entire pregnancy. Due to my poor funds management (I used to be horrible) we had to continue to move in and out of my moms houses. While she did help but things she would belittle me about not having a job, when the only reason I didn’t have a job was because she wanted me to pay her $100+ a week to watch her grandkids which were already in her home.
Fast forward I wound up having a 3rd child. My mother started to not want anything to do with my younger 2 children. She would constantly pick my older daughter up for sleepovers or buy her things while she didn’t do anything for my younger 2.
Whenever I confronted her about this she told me it was because she didn’t have a bond with them but she never tried to form a bond. My now 2 year old was a VERY colicky baby and now has the possibility of having some brain issues.
She claims that is why she doesn’t try with my younger 2 daughters.
My husband and I are currently doing very well and have had our own home for over a year now with no help from her. She has attempted to even take my oldest daughter by locking me out of the car my daughter was in and taking off with her.
She has belittled me in front of my own children. She claims that she can’t handle my younger 2 daughters because of their “issues”. My 2 year old would scream and cry for her “Mimi” to take her with and my mother could literally care less.
I have been no contact with her for a couple months now and she has continuously (along with her mother, my grandmother) told me I am a “social media mom who doesn’t take care of her kids”. She also puts on social media how she just misses ALL of my kids but has never put effort into ACTUALLY getting to know my younger two daughters.
And unfortunately this is just a small snippet of what I have endured from this woman my whole life. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But here’s the thing… some people will give of their time and funds to genuinely help. Others will do it to lord over you.
Unfortunately, your mom thinks that because she helped you when you needed it, she can use that to basically say and do whatever she wants. Your independence is her kryptonite. Set boundaries and expectations. Be clear that if either are broken it will result in her not seeing any of her grand kids.
Then be sure to enforce it.” riversofmountains
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is a disaster who should be kept away from your children. You very probably have even more issues from your own childhood than you realize, which may make it hard for you to see what a problem she is.
It’s kind of shocking that you would even be asking if you’re the jerk. Don’t have more children any time soon – make birth control a top priority. Three are plenty to handle! Stick with no contact, this is important. Keep her away from your children.” NapalmAxolotl
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I feel like we only have your biased point of view and stills I get the impression you were a nightmare to deal with. She has no right to take your kid of course but maybe she saw your poor decision and wanted the best for her grand daughter” sidridbe
You chose to cut contact with mom as is your right but be honest about why.. is it cos she has a better bond woth the older 1 alone or is it due to her behaviour towards you in the past ? Is it a mixture of both? You know that getting help from mom comes woth strings attached and if you and hubby can manage without her help or grandma's then go NC but make sure you take steps to ensure she can't walk into school or daycare and take the older child if she's so set on getting her to raise
2. AITJ For Not Jeopardizing My Job To Attend A Friend's Wedding?
“I (21f) was asked my by childhood friend (25f) to be her bridesmaid a few years ago.
Of course, I accepted and was super excited for her. The two of us met in KY 15 years ago, and then my family moved, eventually settling in Chicago. Our families remained close despite the distance. Since being asked to be a bridesmaid, I have moved up to Wisconsin for school and in the past year have started working at my campus’ daycare, which I have thrived at and I am very hopeful that I will be offered a full time position when I graduate in May.
My friend’s wedding is the last Saturday of October. 2 Saturdays ago was her bridal shower and party. Getting time off at my job is very hard and has led me to only seeing my family a few times a year and my friends back home and extended family once a year.
We can ask of months in advance, but it all comes down to finding another student worker who is willing to take my shift in my classroom. For her bridal weekend, I was unable to get Friday off. After work, I took a 5 hour bus ride to Chicago arriving around 9.
I had an early flight the next morning and needed to be up at 3 am, the same for my returning flight Sunday. I, admittedly last minute, informed my friend that this meant I would need to have an early night on Saturday and leave her party early.
She became very mad at me calling me a bad bridesmaid and friend. So, I flew into KY around 9, immediately changed and went to the shower and then stayed out until 1. Got to my 7 am flight back to Chicago, and then bussed back to Campus.
I was exhausted, but I know she was happy I was able to stay the whole time.
Now, we are 2 weeks away from the wedding. The bride told me she wants me to get to KY the Wednesday before the wedding to do bonding activities and the rehearsal dinner at her mom’s place.
I informed her that as of now, no one has offered to take my Wednesday and Friday shifts, but I could very easily get there Friday night. She lashed out once again, saying I am selfish for not being willing to fly in Thursday and call in sick Friday, despite the fact they know I am not sick. I told her that it sucks my workplace is like this, but lying to my employer is not something I want to do especially since I really need a job offer in these next few months.
She told me I would never treat my family like this, she told me if I loved her I would jeopardize work for her, and other nasty stuff. She gave me an ultimatum that I either arrive Thursday or I don’t come at all.
I told her that’s not possible as of right now, and she has since rescinded my bridesmaid position and blocked me on everything except text. At this point, I don’t want to be her friend or attend her wedding at all. There’s more I couldn’t fit in this word limit, but her behavior has been very selfish and hurtful.
Am I the jerk for not jeopardizing work for her?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Being a bridesmaid means party and rehearsal (always the day or 2 before) as well as the wedding and that’s bare minimum. You knew the travel hassle and still chose to take on the role.
She went too far with the ultimatum but she is justifiably upset with you. If your job is like this now what makes you think it’ll be better? I would start looking elsewhere anyway” moonmama95
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk for accepting the commitment of being a bridesmaid and not following through.
Rehearsals are a very routine part of the wedding process. Don’t jeopardize your job because of it but you should have known what being a bridesmaid meant before accepting.” Savings_Squirrel687
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Being a bridesmaid means giving up a lot of time.
Including before the wedding. Especially before the wedding. Heck, I live in the same town as a wedding(s) I was in and had to take the day before off several times! You have to be there, for everything. Most brides are a little more understanding and wouldn’t ask that you jeopardize work, but you should have already requested that time off.
As for work, I understand that you need to make sure your position is covered, but as a full time employee, there should be some flexibility. And you should make that happen.” JGalKnit
1. AITJ For Cutting Off My In-Laws After They Ignored My Fall Down The Stairs?
“I (21f) have a 7 month old son with my partner. My family lives abroad and are coming over to stay and help at Christmas time.
For now, my MIL and FIL (60s-Debra and Bob) are helping me with household stuff and the baby. So far, we haven’t had any real issues and they’ve been a massive help.
About 3 weeks ago, I fell down the stairs. I wasn’t holding the baby and the baby was safe.
However, instead of helping me, Debra and Bob both jumped to comfort the baby who was crying… and left me at the bottom of the stairs. My legs were fine, but I was wobbly because of shock and asked one of them to help me up.
After nearly 10 whole minutes of being ignored, I managed to stand up on my own and hobble through to the living room. I sit down and Debra says ‘what’s happened to you? Are you ok?’
I’ll admit, I saw red. I just said ‘I fell down the stairs, didn’t you hear me calling you for help?’ Debra’s eyes widened and she said she was too busy fussing over the baby.
After an hour, my arm was swelling up and I was taken to hospital. Luckily, it was nothing serious and recovery time would be quick. After my partner got home and his parents left, I told him I no longer want their help after today’s events.
I can manage on my own, even though it’ll be hard. He was taken aback and said they’ve done a lot for us. I said I appreciated it all but they ignored me crying and calling them for 10 minutes after I fell down the stairs.
They don’t care about me, only the baby and I was embarassed I didn’t see it sooner.
He called his parents to let them know we won’t need their help anymore and his dad said ‘is it about today? we really didn’t hear her.’ My partner just told them they’re invited to sunday roast this week and that’s all.
I could tell he was not happy about my decision but he said he went along with it because I’m the mother.
Fast forward to Sunday and my BIL and SIL are guests as well. SIL has a 3 year old and is totally on my side but BIL is not.
He told me to ‘be grateful’ for his parent’s support as they’re significantly more well-off than my parents are and paid for many newborn/infant expenses and plan to pay for many more as the baby grows.
Since then, Debra keeps calling asking if we need any help and says she feels awful not seeing ‘the both of you’ and that she misses the baby.
AITJ for not wanting them helping me in my day to day life?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ And if you really want to take it step further, especially about being alone with baby, you can say they can’t trust them to be with baby. Because if they didnt hear your obvious yelling then there must be something wrong with their hearing and what if they cant hear the baby?
See they can’t argue with that without sounding like they purposely ignored you.” XELA38
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you are certain, and it sounds like you are, that there is no way that they didn’t hear you fall, then this is psychotic. I would help my least favorite person in the world if they fell down a flight of stairs so hard they cracked the bannister.
This is bizarre and alarming behavior, and I don’t blame you for not wanting them around” gcot802
Another User Comments:
“YTJ-really? you go from “they’ve been a massive help” to cutting them off over a misunderstanding? this type of behavior doesn’t help people understand each other, lived together happily, and the intimate.
Talk to each other for god sake. They have their viewpoint on what happened too. I understand you’re upset, but this is so immature.” User
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