People Try To Make Sense Of These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Not Wanting My Stepson To Watch TV In My Bedroom?
“Let me start by saying the kiddo is 10 years old and great! We are a great little family, but Mom and I keep on getting in tiffs for things like this. Dad is not the most emotionally supportive so she makes every effort to dote on him.
I for the most part understand that. Sometimes I come home from work and he is on my side of the bed chilling, snacking, and dropping crumbs. It can irk me.
Mom will not allow a TV in his room and I feel the same way.
She doesn’t want him stuck upstairs watching TV all day. I feel that applies to our bedroom as well. He has a whole loft area upstairs with a couch and a new us giant TV. In addition, next to our bedroom, downstairs, we have a family room with another large TV and couch.
I simply point out, hey we should not come home from school and plop down in our bed, on my side, watching TV, when we have areas set aside for that. I have expressed this multiple times but get told I am too controlling and kill the vibe when I get home.
To clarify, Mom was out in the garden while he was chilling on my side of the bed. Again now and then is ok, I have no problem with that, especially when it is kind of a weekend thing. I asked him when I got home, seeing him there, why he did not use the other areas provided for that.
Mom came in hot and escalated the situation and it was not a good look for either of us due to a previous tiff.
I know some of our tiffs stem from other things and this is just a coal in the fire sometimes, but I don’t think it is that big of an ask.
I do feel that children should not be in our bedrooms and have made changes in my beliefs regarding that. We have a giant house and we should be allowed to have an adults-only area. So him always in there is a hard swallow, but I do so for her.
Again I enjoy the kid very much and we have a great relationship. I have been in his life for nearly six years now. I just feel I should not be challenged when I bring it up on occasion that maybe we should use other areas set aside for things no matter how much the chill is better in our room.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your bedroom is your personal space. Adults should be able to have a private space, and the fact that there are 2 other places with giant TVs for him to chill in is super annoying. I’d flat out tell the kid, that it is not allowed anymore, and give him a consequence if he does it again.
No TV, no screens, whatever you gotta do. And tell your wife to stop coddling him. He’s 10. He can understand not to invade his parent’s space if they tell him not to. It’s not like he’s in there with his mother.
There’s no need for him to be in there. And the crumbs thing? Absolutely not.” linzerdsnort6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, wanting to be able to jump into your clean, non-crumby, bed at the end of the day is not a big ask. I would just be clear with your wife about this being a boundary for you (and why), and I’m sure she will be understanding.
We phased out kids in our bed by the time they were 6. As a step-parent it was important to me to have one spot in the house where I could have some personal space.” AdOdd7148
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yup, that would irk me too.
Do you know how to get crumbs and such off your side of the bed? Stand on your side and lift the bed cover up from that side in a forceful wave (while no one is on the bed, of course). Everything will fall onto the other side of the bed. Just sayin'” ParsimoniousSalad
23. AITJ For Wanting To Elope Because My Siblings Had Parents-Only Weddings?
“I (f29) and my fiancé (m32) are getting married later this year. We have been engaged for almost two years now. We were waiting to get married until we were both in a good financial situation and we finally feel like it’s time. Originally I wanted a wedding with all our immediate families invited (parents, siblings, and grandparents) but over the past two years, two of my siblings got married and only parents were invited.
My siblings and I are very close. We hang out every week, talk all the time, and generally get along amazingly well. One of my siblings (27) got married to a woman that most of my family doesn’t like. We all treat her well and keep our thoughts to ourselves.
To be honest, none of us see their relationship lasting longer than 5 years, but we’ll never say that to them. They wanted a small wedding with just parents on both sides, but when asked why, they couldn’t give a reason. It kind of hurt that we (the siblings) weren’t allowed to be there, but we moved on.
My other siblings felt the same way I did.
The other one of my siblings that got married (m25) had a pretty decent reason for wanting just parents. His spouse has a toxic family that treats her, so she only wanted to invite her parents and one of her siblings originally, but if my brother invited his parents and siblings, we would have outnumbered her guests quite a bit and he didn’t want her to be upset about it.
She is a very sweet girl and my family adores her. We know they didn’t do it to be petty, but it still sucked that we missed out on another wedding.
Here’s my dilemma. I know I’m being petty, but I’m still upset that for a family as close as ours, the siblings weren’t invited. So I have honestly been debating eloping in Vegas with my fiancé and having a more expensive honeymoon instead of having an actual wedding ceremony as we originally planned here in our hometown.
I have always thought the idea of being married by “Elvis” in Vegas was fun. I know it’s cheesy, but I love it and my fiancé thinks it would be funny so he’s down for it. We would pay for our parents to come to Vegas with us and be part of the wedding, but no one else would be invited. I know my siblings would be upset, but I would tell them the truth behind why we decided to elope instead.
So, WIBTJ if I eloped because my siblings had parents-only weddings?”
Another User Comments:
“What’s that saying? Cutting off your nose to spite your face? You get – optimistically – one shot at your wedding. You could make yours the wedding that the family remembers – the one where everyone is invited and celebrates your new life together, and it isn’t about keeping score..
Or you could have a funny Vegas wedding that’s just a little bit out of… spite. No jerks here, but… Make sure that what you get at the end of all this is what you will want to remember for the rest of your life.
It won’t feel satisfying if you pick petty and then find yourself missing your siblings on your wedding day. It also won’t feel great if you decide to have a sibling’s wedding but you don’t get your feelings about their weddings addressed… Plus no Elvis.
Whatever you do, first think it through.” Kitastrophe8503
Another User Comments:
“I understand your hurt, but … They seem to have had valid reasons not to invite you but your only reason to exclude them is spite. So yes, YTJ. But really, come on: if you are as close to them as you claim, why are you not discussing this with them, asking why you were excluded, stating how hurt you are, etc.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You are planning on kicking everyone out of the wedding because of two siblings? Also, you complain about not being invited to a wedding that you don’t think will last. That’s why you weren’t invited! You don’t have to say it your brother can see it in the way you act.
You already know you’re being petty so I suggest you do elope and save your siblings from having to pretend to be happy for you… Maybe they don’t think your marriage will last 5 years” Additional_Minimum60
22. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Sister-In-Law For Not Cleaning Up After Herself And Her Child?
“My partner’s (25 M) sister moved in 6 months ago and I (26 F) cannot live with her anymore. So for some context, last January my sister-in-law and her baby daddy and their infant were kicked out of his parent’s home because he was disrespectful. They had nowhere to go so they had to move into our office/craft room for a month.
The BD never got a job and my sister-in-law was always working. Their room was a mess and it was very crowded as we only had two bedrooms. Flash forward a year later, this most recent January, my sister-in-law finally decided to leave her BD or so I thought.
Since she had nowhere to go, she moved back into the craft room with her now 2-year-old. I work from home on Monday and Friday. We agreed she could stay with us as long as she helped a little bit with rent kept up with some chores and kept her area clean.
Usual roommate stuff.
However, it has only been 6 months and it seems like every week we need to remind her to clean her room, take out the trash, and do her dishes. I have fought with my partner on multiple occasions because it is frustrating and feels disrespectful that she cannot respect our request to keep the house clean.
I know that toddlers can be messy but she never cleans up after her unless we specifically tell her. She is very much a weaponized incompetence kind of person saying she doesn’t know how to clean or she doesn’t know when to clean even when something is dirty.
Since I am still using the office to work from home on Monday and Friday, we asked that she keep the room clean. However, there are frequently toys, clothes, trash, food, and other various items spread out on the floor. It also frequently smells like garbage.
Although it is her room, it is our house and I do not want us to get bugs or have a gross smell. We have reminded her many times. My partner is upset because I am ready to kick her out for her disrespect. However, he thinks we should give her more time/more chances.
My question for him is always: How many chances does she get? How many more times do we have to remind her? I am tired of waiting for her to get her act together. Unfortunately, she’s dragging her kid into it, but it doesn’t seem like anything I say or do is going to make her change.
Am I the jerk for wanting her to leave?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being a single parent isn’t an excuse to trash the place you’re staying. You shouldn’t have to remind her to constantly do what she should be doing automatically given her role as a mother.
Especially when she is living in another person’s home. Giving her unlimited “reminders” and “warnings” is ridiculous and just encourages her to not clean up her act.” dunks615
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… but like… being a solo parent is hard. You’re living with a child, you’re gonna have to let toys on the floor slide.
There’s going to be clothes strewn about. Various items will grow your legs and walk when you have a toddler running around. Asking her to clean up the trash and food, and keep it smelling nicely is not an overboard request however, and if she can’t respect that, that is indeed a reason to ask someone to leave.
But if you do so, first, you have to get your partner on board, or you’re just gonna make a lot of things awkward for everyone. Also, set a timeline. “If you can’t keep the room sanitary, then you’re going to have to leave by [date]” solidly_garbage
21. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Grandpa's Gift To My Parents' Dying Friend?
“I’m under 15. I’m just saying this because it may be important for context. Anyway. So for my birthday this year, I got this little golden box made to put playing cards in from my grandpa. I appreciated this because he knows that I have always liked to play different card games, and just in general liked the gift. It was sort of special to me because I know my grandpa is old and will also die eventually.
Now just for context: My mom has a partner (not my biological dad) He does not live with us but I’m close to him and usually just call him my dad or stepdad. Back to the story, fast forward maybe a month later or so.
I was playing card games with my dad and I mentioned how much I adored this present I had gotten from my grandpa. While I say this my mom and dad say to me that they were planning to give it away to a friend of theirs.
Let’s call him Sam. Sam is 80-90 years old or something and is dying. And to be clear I have NEVER met Sam, I only know of him because of a few stories my parents have told me. They say that It’s Sam’s dying wish to get a box or something to store cards in and that the one I have is the one he wants.
I told them no because they had never even told or asked me if they could give it to him. I didn’t even know he was dying. And I also say that they can’t give away something that is mine even if this man that I had never met was dying.
They said that they would buy me a new one instead. We argue just for a few minutes before I go away. It has been maybe 1 month since then and they haven’t said anything about that since then. I still think about it.
I know it’s a little thing.
It’s just a box. I could just give in and let them take it. But I want to keep it and I think that I have the right to say no. So WIBTJ if I said no when they eventually ask me for it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They can buy him a new one. Just because Sam is dying doesn’t mean he gets to demand other people’s things. This whole story is so weird though, and I think what your parents are saying is very suspect. Is that what they are doing with it?
Because that’s a strange final wish. OP, if I were you I would not let that box out of my possession or sight.” LevelCurrent3791
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – What. The. Heck???? They want to give away something that was given to you, to someone you’ve never met when they say they will buy you a new one and they can’t just buy him a new one???
Like yeah WTF and the jerks are obvious here” ReviewOk929
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – (y)our box has value to you because it is connected to your grandfather and has a lot of memories stored in it. Could you keep it at your grandfather’s house so it doesn’t get “lost”?
Your parents see it as a trivial thing of low cost that will make an old, dying man happy but he has no memories associated with it. Any similar box would do. Your parents are trying to do a good thing cheaply but the cost to you is high.
If they are willing to buy one, then they can buy one for him – try and find links to a similar one. But explain the value of this one isn’t in itself but in its connection to your grandfather.” Timely_Egg_6827
20. AITJ For Not Moving My Car When Another Driver Wanted My Parking Spot?
“There were two parking spots, so neither car was without a space, but I was clearly in the one they wanted.
I’ll try to keep this short and neutral (ish). I was parking and drove into a spot, at the same time as another car. The two spots were back to back, so the bonnets of our cars were facing each other. I didn’t think this was an issue until he got irate and threw up his arms telling me to move.
He’d intended on driving through his spot and into the one I was in. I refused to move – we were both in a spot, and we arrived at the same time. There was no way for me to know he was intending to drive through – I hadn’t even seen his car until I was in my spot because there was another car obscuring my view of his (not in a dangerous way).
I just shook my head and said “Nope. That’s not how it works.”
He was angry because the spot he was in had a car whose wheel was over the line on one side, and the trolley parking on the other. He could still fit but it was a squeeze to get out.
I didn’t see this as my problem. Either one of us could have moved – he could have moved if he didn’t like that spot. But the way I see it is we were in our respective spots, and if he didn’t like his, he could move.
If I had intended to drive through into his spot, I wouldn’t have expected him to move because he was in that spot.
Nothing else happened. Nothing else was said. This isn’t some major issue or ended in an argument or something. But I don’t know if I was actually wrong and should have just moved.
AITJ for not moving my car, when he was angry?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- You were there first, period. Even if you had no health issues, you’re just as entitled to be there anyway. Parking lots can bring out the worst behavior in certain people.
Don’t ever feel pressured to yield to those people. It rewards their immaturity.” shuckyducked
Another User Comments:
“The ‘correct’ way to enter a spot is the way that doesn’t involve giving through another spot. It’s fine to take a shortcut through an unoccupied spot, but the driver doing that needs to be especially mindful of other drivers and pedestrians who will not be expecting a car from an unusual direction.
Therefore, there is no inherent right to ‘drive through’… You had the right of way for your spot, he had the right of way for the spot he entered first. The fact that he would have preferred your spot does not change the fact that *you* had the right of way.
NTJ.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“UGH! I hate people that back into parking spots. And to pull through? It would seem that people today think they’re special and everyone should be able to read their minds and submit to their will. I give these people the pinky cause they don’t deserve my best finger, but I’m a rather large guy with a severe RBF, according to my wife.
NTJ and thank you for making his day worse.” Sea-Appearance5045
19. AITJ For Assuming My Partner Would Pay For Our Trip Knowing My Financial Situation?
“I’m currently in debt, and all my friends and my partner knew about it. I have a good job and live alone. I pay my rent, clothes, groceries, and debt, so my entire salary goes towards these expenses each month.
Because of my debt, I always said I’d spend my vacation this year in the city and not go on any trips. My partner, who enjoys sailing, invited me on a sailing trip several months prior. The way he phrased it, it sounded like he would pay for it, especially since he knew my financial situation.
He told me to just confirm my vacation dates at work so he could book the trip, which I did. I knew the trip cost about 1k plus plane tickets.
He booked everything in advance, and I was grateful. About a week before the trip, he told me there was an additional $450 contribution I needed to pay.
I didn’t expect that but said ok.
During the trip, the topic came up again. I calmly said I would have liked better communication about expenses in the future so I could plan my spending or decline the offer. This escalated into him saying I should have known the trip was expensive and that he expected me to pay the part.
He said he only planned to pay the main fee. I answered that he should have mentioned this upfront, as I had no idea about this contribution’s existence as I’d never been on such a trip. He then said he’s not a “sugar daddy,” this phrasing hurt me.
He ended up paying this contribution (I tried to pay it quietly, but he came in during the discussion about it between me and the skipper and didn’t let me).
Initially, I didn’t think much of him paying for the trip, as he earns 2x more than me, has no debt, and recently spent 2k on another sailing event to which he went by himself.
The rest of the trip was kind of ruined for me because of our discussion. I felt out of place and ashamed for going on a trip I couldn’t afford. I believe it’s fair that I should have paid something and feel ashamed for not asking about it beforehand.
I regret going and still feel stressed about it.
Am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he didn’t want to pay, he shouldn’t have invited you. I mean, he knows you have debt and earn less than him. There is a lesson here for you about asking, to ensure complete clarity, but even so, I think he’s being a jerk here.
Whenever someone with much more funds makes an invitation, they should assume that they are covering the bill, or else make it clear *as part of the invite* that they are not.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Too many assumptions on both sides.
He should’ve told you about the contribution straight off and equally, you should’ve reiterated that you couldn’t afford trips this year and not assume a trip that involved planes, not a trip to the zoo, would be covered by your partner. ” LilMissPandaPants
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you both made assumptions and could have both been clearer, but also totally appreciate those assumptions. I have a partner who is struggling with funds, so when I invite him to stuff, I assume I am paying because it feels obvious to me.
The planner of the trip should ALWAYS convey expenses before expecting people to pay, so he should have communicated earlier what you were expected to pay, but I get that he made his assumptions. Where your partner becomes the jerk is the “sugar daddy” comment, because that’s a cruel thing to say, particularly when discussing a sensitive topic like funds.
It was also unclear who was paying for what, so no reason for him to become rude about it.” fruitfly
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Meddling Aunts To My Baby Shower?
“My dad has two sisters, they’re in their sixties. Think, old biddies. One has never grieved her husband’s death OR the death of their mother and the other has never grieved the death of her son or the death of their mother.
That being said, they likely have some mental health issues. The two sisters live together even though one of them is still married. She and her husband are not separated, they just don’t live together. These two are always in everyone’s business and try to tell everybody in our family how to live their lives.
They meddle and start unnecessary drama, causing a lot of fights. Constant issues.
Well, my husband and I are expecting our first child together (we also share a daughter from his first marriage and this is IMPORTANT to the story) so his family is giving me a baby shower.
I am very much not on very good speaking terms with either aunt. When my (step) daughter was 3, one of them threw a cooler at her at a family cookout because my daughter had her hands in the ice in the cooler and I told her to stop multiple times.
My aunt got mad at ME for stopping her so she poured out the ice and threw the cooler and it almost hit my kid. Now that my daughter is 5, she has expressed to me that the aunts make her uncomfortable and that she doesn’t like that they are mean.
Every time they see her, they try to make my daughter hug them and are very forceful. So we pretty much cut all contact with them. We all attend the same church (small town) but I try my best to have the least amount of interactions as possible, because all they have done is make snide comments to me recently, especially about my pregnancy (I am very big at 26 weeks, so they say there must be something wrong with my baby, etc.)
So now, I am in the process of making an invite list for my baby shower and I AM inviting other family members but I do not want to invite my two aunts because they will undoubtedly make it all about them and be very rude and start drama.
And yes they WILL come to be petty jerks if they are invited. My mom says I need to invite them because they’re family. Am I the Jerk for not wanting to?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is no reason to invite someone if you know they’ll cause a scene and make you uncomfortable on your day.
Explain to your mom in the exact verbiage you used here why they are not welcome. Let your mother know you have no problems with her throwing you under the bus for her to maintain a working relationship with family because you’d prefer to go NC with the aunts, anyway.” Sleepy_Sloth_83
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – absolutely NTJ. This is your baby shower and you deserve to feel comfortable and safe at this event. Additionally, so does your child. Anyone who makes you feel like crap for not inviting people who have shown you their true colors, family or not, isn’t worth seeking advice from.” Radiant_Composer_454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You do not need or want that type of people around, especially around children. They are family, but not the ones you should worry about. Your kids should be your priority and boundaries need to be set. Congratulations on the baby and have a good life, far from negativity.” Fleur_de_Lys_1
17. AITJ For Calling Out My Bridesmaid For Making Her Own Accommodation Plans?
“My friend and I are both 27F and have been friends since we were 8 y/o. I got married this past April and she was a bridesmaid at the wedding.
About 9 months out from the wedding I learned from my MOH that because this friend didn’t want to pay for a hotel room, she instead had texted the entire bridal party (excluding me and the groom) about booking a large Airbnb together with their s/o’s.
MOH said the group text indicated that this Airbnb was for the bridal party but not the bride and groom. This Airbnb plan ultimately fizzled out, but I texted my friend/bridesmaid just to talk with her about how it bothered me that she was trying to make new plans for my wedding party for my wedding weekend without saying anything to me or my now husband.
She was very defensive and told me it wasn’t a big deal, and dismissed my feelings entirely. The conversation ended and we just didn’t have a reason to talk for a while.
Fast forward to my bachelorette weekend, and lots of wine, and she made some comment about the lodging for my wedding weekend and I snapped at her in front of everyone.
I told her that she was selfish and only cared about what she wanted. Later that night we tried to hash things out and I apologized for snapping at her but tried to explain that I did think she was selfish for trying to change my wedding plans without telling me and then also dismissing me when I tried to talk with her about it.
I told her it hurt my feelings that as a friend of almost 20 years, she could care so little about my intentions and opinions of my wedding. When I said she wouldn’t appreciate it if the roles were reversed, she told me that she really couldn’t entertain that hypothetical because she wasn’t seeing anyone.
We smoothed over the conversation that evening but I’m not sure that either of us saw the other person’s side.
Then leading up to the wedding everything seemed normal again with us and she was enthusiastic about the wedding and left me a thoughtful card on the day of.
Now that the wedding is over she doesn’t speak to me, she didn’t tell me she was coming to town multiple times, or that she’s moving to the area that I live in. Come to find out she told another friend that she was “just getting through the wedding” and had planned to stop talking to me after.
AITJ for telling her that was selfish?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ It sounds like the Airbnb was more economical. Why is that a problem?? It’s clear that you were not paying for your wedding party’s hotel rooms, so guess what? You don’t get to control where the wedding party stays.
Like hello? Also, what on earth are you trying to suggest about the bride and groom not being included in the Airbnb rental? Just what? Where you and the groom stay is NOT relevant to where wedding guests stay and please be serious, you would have what- stayed in an Airbnb with your wedding party for your wedding?
Of course not. Your complaints make no sense, you were thoughtless about the costs you were imposing on your wedding party, YOU were being incredibly selfish, and you had no cause to say anything to your friend except to thank her for attending and celebrating with you.” Even_Budget2078
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and here’s why. Attempting to arrange a sensible, economically friendly group accommodation doesn’t count as “making her plans.” Unless you had booked everyone’s rooms like an actual host, which you didn’t. It would have been weird to include you and the groom in this arrangement.
And there was no reason for her to bother you with the logistics of arranging where the bridal party might sleep. She was being thoughtful. If I were you I’d consider apologizing to your friend and giving people a break in the future.” elegantsweatshirt
Another User Comments:
“Look…. I kind of get it. You had a whole plan and it is a very special day. I guess the unstated thing is that you were hoping it would be kind of like a party at the hotel and you feel this interfered?
But at the same time, I don’t hear that you asked her about why she needed it. My guess is it was for financial reasons because it would save a lot of funds. And, were I to guess, it sounds like it’s an amount that is more significant for you than for her.
So…. Since it sounds like you didn’t try to address her needs, just escalated the situation based on it not being exactly what you wanted….. YTJ” stevielb
16. AITJ For Constantly Talking About Star Wars With My Friend Who Isn't Interested?
“I’m a pretty big Star Wars fan. I’ve read a couple of the books, watched all the movies, and shows.
A couple of years ago I met my friend, Teri. Teri is very sweet and very funny. They have always been very supportive to me and we have always helped each other with any situations we are facing, but in the recent few months I’ve noticed that Teri has been dismissive and annoyed whenever I talk about Star Wars.
The first time Teri was upset with me I took it as, I was talking too much and they may have a headache so I stopped talking and listened to our other friend start a new conversation. The second time I tried talking about Star Wars I was met with annoyance again from Teri.
So I stopped talking about it. The third time it happened I was only talking about how I enjoyed the Clone Wars series with a friend who also likes Star Wars and I said “I like Star Wars a lot haha.” Teri got mad at me and said “Yeah, we can tell you like Star Wars.” I shut up after that because they’ve never been passive-aggressive at me before.
After they said that I pretty much never mentioned anything Star Wars-related for a month until about a week ago. Last week I started talking about the Clone Wars again, I had just rewatched some episodes, and I wanted to talk to Teri about it.
I was hoping that enough time had passed before I could talk about it again. As I was talking to them about it they looked up at me and said “Hey just so you know, I wasn’t listening to anything you were saying for the past hour.
All I heard was “Star Wars” and that’s it.” Now I feel like a jerk for talking so much. When I look back at it now, yes I was very talkative about Star Wars but I wasn’t always talking about it, I barely ever talk at school, and when I do it’s to talk about what someone else is currently interested in.
Now this same thing has been happening but with my other interests, I have only mentioned them once or twice. I mentioned one time I was playing a specific video game and they said “Wow all you ever do now is play that game all day.”At this point, I may be the jerk but I want to know from others if I am.
Am I the jerk for talking a lot about Star Wars?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. This isn’t how friends behave towards each other. It’s ok that you have your interests but you need to understand that not everyone shares these. It’s pretty obvious from what you describe that Teri is not interested in Star Wars, so don’t keep forcing it on them in conversation.
Why are you so keen on discussing Star Wars with Teri when they are not interested? Do you make an effort to talk to Teri about anything they are interested in? I’d be annoyed too if a friend talked to me about their singular interests for an hour.
I’ve stopped hanging out with people because of this. That said, Teri is also being rude, and passive-aggressive and it doesn’t sound like they like you very much. If you want to maintain the friendship, try and find some common interest that you can both enjoy.” Pure-Philosopher-175
Another User Comments:
“Not everyone likes to nerd out about their interests and that’s fine. I like Star Wars myself but I’ve met people whose eyes glaze over if the topic comes up and I’m the same with other things like, say, TWD.
Consider finding other people to talk about your interests with and you’ll have more fun. As far as Teri goes … are you sure they’re your friend? Because it sounds like you’re editing yourself around them a lot and not speaking and that isn’t how friendships are supposed to work.” DragonScrivner
Another User Comments:
“Teri is not your friend. A friend may be frustrated by your obsession with Star Wars and not want to discuss that topic with you, but Teri seems intolerant of everything that you want to discuss. That’s not how a friend acts.
In the future, you should work on respecting friends who say they don’t want to discuss a certain subject with you again. They don’t like that subject. Period. Everyone sucks here.” JazzyKnowsBest13
15. AITJ For Telling My Aunt I Don't Want Her Lifestyle?
“I (14f) have an aunt who’s been visiting my mom’s house recently. This is because she has been arguing with my cousin (16f).
After all, they don’t want to babysit their siblings anymore. My aunt has an 11-year-old, a 7-year-old, two 3-year-olds, and another on the way. She drops them off at my mom’s house so my mom can watch them.
I don’t mind having my cousins around and initially, I didn’t even mind when my aunt was around more often.
However, it’s just been getting annoying. My aunt is a SAHM and wants even more kids after this one is born, and she keeps mentioning her lifestyle around me to mock mine.
For example, I have some summer work to do and I’ve been doing some extra work to get ahead for next year since I’m planning to join quite a few extracurriculars.
Anytime I do work while my aunt is over, she always tells me how I’m wasting my time and I’m probably going to end up a mom like her being cared for by her husband.
I try to tell her that I don’t want to be a mom and want to have a good career but she keeps thinking my life plans are “ludicrous.” She repeatedly complains to my mom that she’s raising a daughter who’s going to get no husband, and tells my cousins that I’m being a bad influence and that family always comes before work/school.
It’s gotten to a point where my mother has been telling my aunt to stop talking about her children (I have an older sister she complains about too) because my aunt keeps talking about how bad my sister’s and I’s choices are and how horrible a mother my mom is for not teaching us that family should come first.
Yesterday, my aunt came over to pick her kids up again and decided she wanted to complain about me while I wasn’t doing anything besides watching YT with the 7-year-old. She told me how happy she was that I was finally coming to my senses and spending time with family and as soon as high school ended, I could be a good mother just like her.
I was honestly upset, so I told her that nobody wants to live a boring life like hers and I’m not rushing to have a baby on my hip every other second like her.
My aunt got upset and quickly collected her kids before leaving.
She even called my mom to tell me about what happened, which meant I was punished and I had to stay at my dad’s house for a bit so my aunt could drop off her kids and feel comfortable.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your aunt can criticize you all she wants, and you are not allowed to say anything back?
And how is she a SAHM, when she drops her kids off all the time? Doesn’t seem like she is handling that lifestyle very well. I think your mom didn’t want you to be disrespectful or talk back at your aunt, which is understandable, but I think your aunt is not very respectful of the rules in your home either, so I can understand snapping at her like that.” Slayerofdrums
Another User Comments:
“Your aunt is having your mom watch her kids? What is she bragging about? The fact that she’s freeloading off her husband and your family while she does what? Pops out children and nothing else? She’s not a SAHM. That would require her to parent her children at home instead of dumping them off on other people.
Your mom needs to tell her to keep her kids and not punish you for not wanting to be a part of her freeloading. I don’t know what your mom is thinking, but keep standing up for yourself. NTJ” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“Maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but I think your mom is a jerk as well as your aunt.
Your aunt should have no right coming into your house, bragging about being a SAHM, and then thrust her kids on you guys to handle it. The fact that you’re being “punished” by not being allowed at your mom’s house to make your aunt more “comfortable” really makes me question your mom’s parenting abilities as well.
Feel free to show her this comment because I guarantee other people you know will think this way about her.” DeepValleyDrive
14. AITJ For Refusing To Hold My Family's Belongings While In My Wheelchair?
“I (15F) was born disabled and have been using a manual wheelchair for the last 7 or 8 years. I get tired easily so usually I am getting pushed around. This means that I am expected to hold people’s stuff without question. My immediate family just drops their things in my lap and tells me to hold them.
It’s annoying especially because that can mean holding multiple jackets or bags sometimes which are heavy or having clothes thrown on me if going shopping or whatever. I’ve asked them to stop and that I don’t want to hold their stuff but they always tell me that since they’re doing the work of pushing me everywhere I owe them that.
It takes the fun out of going out so I usually just try to stay at home and not go with them if I can avoid it.
Recently we had some extended family come to visit which doesn’t happen very often maybe like two or three times I can ever remember.
One of my older cousins (40? F she is my mom’s cousin technically but they grew up together) came and she wanted to go out and see what our town had to offer. There’s not much but there is a bike trail that is kind of nice and my cousin offered to push me because she doesn’t get to spend as much time with me as she does with others.
But she asked me to hold her bag and her water and I said okay. My mom was annoyed though and was like “Why do you complain when you hold our stuff but not hers” I just told her it was because she asked nicely.
Then my sister (17F) decided to ask me if I would hold her things too, and my mom immediately after and I told them both no. Neither of them was pushing me and also my mom was just complaining about me so why would I?
It’s not like either of them cared in the past when I asked them to not just throw things on me either.
My sister understood but my mom got upset with me for being petty and rude, especially in front of other family, especially since she did ask too.
She also since then told me she thinks that I just wanted to make her look bad in front of family and that she doesn’t know what I have against her for complaining about holding her stuff in the past if I don’t mind holding things that much?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re a person, not a shopping cart. Being pushed around because you need to be isn’t a transactional thing. My mum was in a wheelchair and often offered for us to “load her up” with our bags or shopping, but we’d never have done it without her offering first.” Own-Kangaroo6931
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- You. Are. Not. Furniture. You do not have ‘Ikea’ stamped on your bum. You are a person. The chair is your legs. You did not choose your situation. You do not owe them for pushing the child they created in their wheelchair any more than I owe my parents for pushing me in my buggy- the only difference is I was luckier than you.
Ultimately you are being literally ‘put upon’ because they wanted a kid and you had bad luck. No, that is not fair. Here’s the thing: I thought doing what you described was such a notorious microaggression that it was the wheelchair user equivalent of touching someone’s hair without asking.
I have seen that on TV and in articles by wheelchair users sooooooooo many times. Have your parents not educated themselves at all about what your life experience would be? Dollface, if you were my kid you’d have been clapping back and asking people if your dress looked like a doily cos they seem to be mistaking you for a sideboard since your second day using that chair!” Ebechops
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Why can’t they just bring a different cart to carry all their stuff.. it could be a pram, another wheelchair, or literally a cart… like those they advertise for the beach. Next time someone drops something in your lap, they may find that something gets stuck in the wheels or it drags a little on the ground… or it simply slips from your lap onto the ground.” KitchenDismal9258
13. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Sister's Kids All Summer?
“So for some context, my sister (25y) and I (23y) both live together under our dad’s roof. My sister has three kids. A 7-month-old baby, a 4 yo and a 6 yo.
The two kids have a different dad than the baby that they both live with during the school year. My sister keeps them during the summer. This is a relatively new agreement, made around the time they finally filed for divorce around half a year to a year ago.
Long enough she should’ve come up with a plan but not for her to have experienced taking care of her two kids with her now having a job and a baby. She does have the baby in daycare, but as for her other two kids she cannot afford to put them in daycare or summer camp or what have you.
Her schedule also conflicts with the daycare schedule meaning that she works Saturdays and the daycare is closed on Saturdays. Most of the time this means she’s calling our dad to come get the baby and take care of her for a while.
I am a SAHM (Stay-at-home mom for the uninitiated).
I run our household, I have an 18 mo toddler I care for at home and my partner (who also lives with us) works a varied schedule. My dad works a varied schedule as well but both he and my partner do manual labor.
Now. To the meat and potatoes.
I’m getting stuck with babysitting duty for her two kids. We honestly tried to work things out but I told her I didn’t want to care for them while she worked the entire summer because they’re chaotic gremlins and I am a high-strung individual as it is.
The first week was a lot easier because of the varying schedules of my partner and father (plus we had family visiting) so they were always being watched/entertained by someone. They need *constant* adult supervision or else they turn into Tasmanian devils. I told my sister that she needed to find other arrangements since we’re all hitting burnout, but even I’m at a loss for what she can do.
I’m stuck between “That’s not my problem” and “I wouldn’t know what to do either”. But I don’t want to continue to risk my sanity, so I bowed out today. My dad did too and they got miffy with each other over it. She decided to take the day off and come care for her kids, but I have no idea what she’s gonna do tomorrow.
Either way, I feel bad, and I must know. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You and your sister are both jerks. Your poor Dad. I assume these should be his peaceful retirement years and instead, he has a houseful of grown people who had children they could neither support nor provide care for.
If I were him I would sell the house and move into a one or two-bedroom bungalow. You all need to be responsible for yourselves and your own families! EBS” Fast-Recognition-550
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she shouldn’t have had the 3rd child when she didn’t have a plan on caring for the older 2 kids.
And why does she have a 7-month-old baby with another man when she and her ex-husband filed for divorce 6-12 months ago? I’d love to know the backstory on that. Anyway, it’s messy timing and an all-around messy situation.” Consistent-Pickle-88
Another User Comments:
“I think the adults living in the house need to work together to answer the following question: How do we take care of the children who live in our home such that all the children are safe and all the adults stay sane? You all live together, and you are all family.
You have a lot of work on your hands, and it needs to be distributed. Be collective and collaborative. If you take the typical “your children are your problem” attitude that is advocated here, the problem facing the family and household won’t get better. Also, look for resources in your community.
Are there groups or churches with free activities for kids, where you can tend to your baby and let the older kids get some energy out? Stuff like that. I wish you all luck. Be kind to each other and the kids and this will become more manageable. ” Impossible-Action-88
12. AITJ For Throwing My Family's Laundry On The Floor To Do My Own?
“I (18F) live at home as a way to save on costs for college and have been doing my laundry since I started high school.
It was out of motivated self-interest (in a house of five people, laundry takes a while and I would sometimes want to wear specific things), but in recent years I’ve been building resentment with my parents over laundry.
The problem stems from the same scenario.
A parent puts a load of laundry into the washer, and then there it sits, sometimes never having been run in the first place. Days on end, on some occasions. Then I bring my laundry in and have to do both this load of laundry in addition to my own so that I can clean my clothes.
I’ve brought up the issue casually before, simply requesting that clothes cannot be left sitting in the W/D units, and have been promised they will not. No dice, it has continued over three-plus years. I am essentially doing the entire house’s laundry (four people beside me, now one additional partner that is living here temporarily while looking for an apartment) AND folding it all so that I can wash my things.
My tipping point was reached when I let my parents know that I needed the W/D for my work uniform because it had been stained the day before and I needed to clean it before my shift that night. Long story short, I wasn’t able to get to work on time because I had to do their load of laundry (one in the washer, one in the dryer) in addition to my own.
Furious, this last time today it happened I had had enough and tossed anything in my way on the laundry room floor so I could do my laundry and left it there. I got a nasty text from my dad while at work telling me that I ‘wasn’t 12, you can use your words when something is upsetting you.’ Except I have.
And no one has listened to me. I don’t like conflicting with my parents because normally we get along, but I don’t enjoy sifting through everyone else’s laundry to do my own. Was I wrong for what I did?
For reference, I cannot go to a laundromat.
We do not have one nearby and I am not driving over 10 miles to do laundry when we have a unit that works just fine in my own home.”
Another User Comments:
“Why wouldn’t you just take their stuff out, put your laundry in, and then replace theirs in its original place when done?
It’s a couple of extra steps, but not nearly as time-consuming as doing someone else’s laundry *before* doing your own! Especially if their laundry is not your chore. Is it rude to leave your dirty clothes in the washer preventing them from being used?
Sure. But this isn’t your house and it seems like these people have just trained you to do their laundry and you fell for it. Take it out. Put it in a laundry basket. Do yours. Put it back. Eventually, they will have to do their laundry.
Don’t throw wet clothes on the floor.” Aviendha13
Another User Comments:
“Why are you folding their laundry? Just take it out into a basket and leave it there. Generally putting dirty clothes into the washer is not some kind of outrageous infraction, you are the one that operates differently.
But operating differently does not mean you have to do everything including folding. Don’t do folding, because this way they have no motivation to change.” unsafeideas
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I get how irritating that is, but you know they do this, you need to plan accordingly.
If you’d washed your uniform earlier you’d have had time. I don’t think you need to do all the washing every single time you need to do your laundry. Is there a basket you could put things in rather than dumping them on the ground?
Could you take things out to do your laundry, then put whatever was there back in, even if you don’t run it?” perfidious_snatch
11. AITJ For Wanting To Delay Telling My Family About My Baby's Birth To Avoid Boundary Issues?
“So I’m due any day now with my first baby.
Both sides of the family are VERY excited, this is the first grandbaby on both sides, and even the aunts and uncles are excited about their “promotion”. My in-laws originally asked to be in the hospital for the birth but I let them know that I don’t want any hospital visitors, and will probably wait until we’ve had a couple of days at home for me to recover/adjust until having any visitors at all.
They’ve been pretty quiet on the subject, I’m sure they’re disappointed but they’ve been respectful so I have no worries there and plan to send them a message or phone them when the baby arrives.
The issue is with my family – specifically my sister.
I’ve told her many times now of our plans around visitors but she keeps insisting that she wants to bring me food to the hospital, I’ve politely told her that won’t be necessary but it would be great for her to bring food when she visits at home.
She still has been making comments about bringing food to the hospital and even joked that she should be the first to hold the baby after my husband and I because my mom did all my ultrasounds and was technically the first to “see baby” (she just happened to work as head sonographer at the clinic nearest to us, because I had my choice on where to go for scans I chose my mom because I knew I would get the best treatment with her level of experience).
She’s also made passing comments about needing reminders not to kiss etc and overall just makes a lot of “jokes” about boundary stomping that makes me feel like I should wait until I’m 100% ready for visitors to tell her and my parents – I hate to loop my parents into it because they’ve been nothing but supportive and respectful this whole time but my sister lives with them so I know it wouldn’t be possible to tell them and not my sister.
I worry that by telling the in-laws before my own family that feelings will be hurt I could be setting myself up for major backlash, it feels like I’m torn between fighting for my boundaries to be respected or fighting over hurting people’s feelings that they found out a day or two later than everyone else.
Should I just wait a couple of days to tell anyone at all? I don’t know if hubs could manage that given he gets so excited about baby news and I know how much he looks forward to telling his family.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is the first step of you learning to set boundaries – so go for it. “she’d either show up to the hospital or wait at our place until we came home with the baby.”c .. change your locks, and make sure none of them has a key.
You WILL regret it if you have one. – and make (and enforce) a new rule: visitors need to be invited, or they won’t be let in.” Aggressive-Mind-2085
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Number 1, it’s your baby. Inside your body. Not your sisters, not your in-laws or ,your mom’s.
Number 2, you have the right to set boundaries and uphold those boundaries. Hospitals should have some sort of system to keep that in place. My mom had a stalker who refused to listen to reason and demanded to be there for the birth. The hospital has rules set in place to protect people from situations like that. This is your and your husband’s moment.
This is important to you. Usually, I’m not one to lie. But if that’s what you gotta do then that’s what you gotta do. ” Several-Day-8606
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I caution you that it will NOT go over well. A friend of a friend called me just to chat and I felt awkward about announcing our baby had been born the previous day because the mutual friend was much closer to our family and we hadn’t had a chance to tell her.
So, we got the announcements sent out and the friend of the friend was furious and cut us off. I think it would have blown up either way. Had it been disclosed, the other one would have been angry she wasn’t told first. I didn’t tell my family we were expecting either time but they are toxic and abusive so it was about self-preservation.
That’s not your situation and I can see how your family would feel hurt if you did that but you have to do what’s best for you and your baby.” SnoopyisCute
10. AITJ For Refusing To Pay The House Cleaner Who Didn't Clean?
“We hired a house cleaner to do a one-time deep clean of our new home before we moved in and after we finished a small construction project.
Everything seemed great initially with their communication and they had been recommended locally so I had confidence in them (turns out those who recommended this person were family members). They let me know when they were finished and sent me an invoice. Based on the text messages of when they arrived and finished it appears they were at the house for 2.5-3 hours.
I arrived at the house about an hour after they were finished and was so disappointed to see the outcome. I could not find any evidence that anything had been cleaned. The floors were still full of marks, dust on surfaces, blinds in the same position, trash in the kitchen, and no smell of any cleaning products at all.
The house is vacant but we do have a few gift baskets that were given to us when we closed on the house in the kitchen.
All of these things were in the exact same position, nothing had been moved (for reference these things weren’t arranged decoratively they were just kind of on the counter so it isn’t just like the cleaner put them back in the exact same spot).
I gave the cleaner a call to express my concern and inquire if there was a miscommunication on what had been asked. They just said they could come back and clean the floors or take 50% off the $300+ bill. I asked for clarification on what was cleaned and they didn’t say anything just said they spent several hours at my house.
I said I wasn’t comfortable paying the bill because I was quite confident little to nothing had been cleaned and though they may have been present in my home there was no evidence of work being done. They said a service was still provided. This went round and round for a bit before I said I’d have to talk to my partner about if we would want them to return to attempt to re-clean the problem areas (which frankly it’s everything).
I am at such a loss. My family has told me to just not pay the invoice and move on, but I’m not sure I want to do this. I have great respect for small businesses, as a small business owner myself, and want people to be paid for their time, but I also feel like I’m being scammed and don’t want to pay for work that wasn’t done.
AITJ if I don’t pay them?”
Another User Comments:
“You have indicated no work was done, take pictures and video. Then refuse to pay the bill and if they give you a hassle, offer to go to the sheriff’s office and file a complaint for not performing the services contracted for/scamming.
You could also take them to small claims court but only if you paid something.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would be questioning whether they attended your house at all… could they have gone to the wrong house? Though you would think they would need a key.
I’m thinking if it was a new estate and there were lots of new homes going up around you. Take lots of photos. Make sure they are time-stamped. That’s if they take you to small claims over the bill.” KitchenDismal9258
Another User Comments:
“Ntj if no contract was signed you legally owe nothing.
Sounds like you hired an individual who would scam not a professional. Tell them you be willing to pay 60 for the hours maybe 100 for hours and cost if you feel guilty but 300 is insane. Go through a legitimate small business next time.” Miserable-Wasabi9599
9. AITJ For Calling Out My Mom's Hypocrisy About Funds?
“My (20F) mom (40F) and I have never been very close. She constantly criticizes me and gives advice I didn’t ask for, and this usually leads to arguments, but usually, we get over it after a few hours.
But this last one happened a few days ago and she’s still ignoring me and I’m wondering if I went too far. For context, my mom, dad, and I live in a house my grandma paid off 15 years ago but doesn’t use, she lets us stay in it as long as we pay for internet and other utilities and keep up on the repairs.
My mom has always been bad with funds and constantly impulse buys things and goes out drinking with her friends, so sometimes she asks my grandma for help buying groceries or keeping up on bills, especially when I was younger and couldn’t work. My grandma agrees because she doesn’t want me going without food or power.
I’m currently staying here until I finish college and eventually save up for my own house since renting in this area is expensive.
Here’s where the problem starts. Last week, a friend of mine had a birthday party and I spent $80 on a gift I knew they would love.
I also was in charge of buying sodas for the party, which was about $20, so in total I spent $100 for this party. I didn’t tell my mom any of this because I didn’t think it was her business, I pay for my phone bill, my own gas and car payments and I contribute $300 each month for bills and groceries, so I had already accounted for this party when planning my budget for the month.
A few days ago, my mom asked me how much funds I spent on my friend’s gift, and I told her I spent $80 on it. She blew up at me, asking how I could be so careless with my funds and how I was mooching off of her and my dad.
I was fed up at this point and just wanted her to leave me alone so I said “You can’t be calling me a mooch when you tell your mom inflation is the reason you can’t buy groceries and not that you spent $100 at the bar last week.”
My mom stormed out of the room and hasn’t spoken to me since, and my dad is telling me that while I wasn’t wrong, I shouldn’t have thrown her drinking in her face, especially since she’s cut back since I was little, and her criticism is just because she worries about me.
Now I’m thinking maybe I went a little too far, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She seems to think her entertainment is fine but yours is not. You correctly identified her as both a hypocrite and a liar and frankly, it needed to be said.
Your father is enabling her poor behavior. I also don’t understand your dad’s point. Because she isn’t drinking as much as when you were little (yikes), she should get a pass on being a jerk? Am I misunderstanding that?” bestbobever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you said wasn’t the best way to respond.
You can still be right and be a jerk. But simply pointing out the hypocrisy in your mom’s words, especially as a response to her unfair attack on you, is not jerk behavior either. You may wish to consider whether you can move out any sooner – rent is expensive but so is the cost to your sanity by sharing a home with a narcissist. ” cascadia1979
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The truth hurts. Unfortunately, your grandmother has enabled this behavior and your mom sounds like a heavy drinker who does not take any responsibility for her actions. Your dad is also an enabler. Keep your plans for yourself and secure your future.
Realize that your parents will probably come to you to support them when grandma is no longer around. They are still young enough to get their life together, sounds like they could use some counseling.” SliceEquivalent825
8. AITJ For Being Upset About My Mother's Inheritance Plan?
“(30M) have two older sisters, one who is 35 and the other 31, and a widowed mother, who is 62. Recently, my mother informed me that she intends to sell our family home, which is worth between $1.5 to $2 million, to my middle sister.
My middle sister and her husband typically wouldn’t be able to afford this mortgage, so my mother must sell it to her at a discounted rate.
My mother’s logic is that she will then purchase another apartment for herself, worth between $1.2 to $2 million, which my older sister and I could split after she passes away. This apartment is intended to be her final property.
There are several reasons why I’m upset about this decision:
* Favoritism: It feels like my mother is showing favoritism towards my middle sister by giving her the family home at a discounted rate, while my older sister and I may have to wait to receive anything.
* Timeline of Inheritance: The age disparity in receiving assets feels unfair.
My middle sister gets the benefit of owning the family home now, while my older sister and I have to wait until our mother passes away to receive anything.
* Gloating: My middle sister has been rubbing it in my face that she now owns the family home, which makes the situation even more difficult to accept.
I was never involved in any discussions and right now, I struggle to even look at her as she believes she’s entitled to the house despite having two siblings.
Outside of this my older sister is quite well off and lives in a country town, so she doesn’t care about the financial aspect.
Her stance is that she wants the family property to remain in the family, which is why she supports the idea of our middle sister buying it.
When I spoke to my mother about it, I was quite frustrated as she couldn’t understand my point of view.
She went on to try to justify her decision and even told me I should seek therapy.
I hate talking about inheritance, but I feel like I need to stand up for myself. I prefer everything to be split equally among us siblings, without anyone getting an unfair advantage.
I confronted my mother about her decision, expressing my frustration and disappointment, and argued that it felt unfair. This confrontation might make me a jerk because people might see it as me being ungrateful or causing unnecessary conflict within the family. I could be wrong for challenging my mother’s decision and potentially straining family relationships, especially given the support from my older sister and the overall family dynamics.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ It sounds like your mother has two choices: 1- A plan that provides equal benefit to all 3 at a later date. 2- A plan that provides roughly the same benefit to you, but helps one sister earlier and provides something of additional value to your other sister (comfort that the family home stays).
You are asking your mother to pick the option that provides less overall benefit to her family, just because you want to spite your sister! Of course, that’s a jerk move.” Disastrous_Donut_206
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is your mother’s home, not a family home that you get to weigh in on. She’s opting to sell it to one of her daughters at a discount. Which a lot of people do. This is fine and her decision. You have no inheritance until she passes and considering it now, when she could still have decades left, is ghoulish and entitled.” ApprehensiveBook4214
Another User Comments:
“Your oldest sister is well off, but what about you? Does your mother feel that you don’t need the funds as much as your sister does? Unfortunately, life is not always fair. You have told your mother how you feel, but she has the right to make her own decisions and there is nothing you can do about it.
Is this worth arguing about and destroying your family? You can do that, but it still won’t get you what you want.” Maximum-Swan-1009
7. AITJ For Refusing To Buy A $2K Phone My Wife Thinks I Need?
“I (M31) have a question. My wife(F31) wants me to buy a $2K phone.
She says it would look good when I am with my colleagues and would suit the position I am in. I work in an F500 company leading the efforts for the country and the larger geographical region I am in. Multiple teams report to me internally and I frequently have to meet clients as the face of this company here.
(This is deliberately vague as this is identifying information.) She got me an iPhone 3 years ago, again saying the same thing. It works fine – not a scratch except the battery drains faster now.
The thing is, the phone she wants me to buy now is expensive – and I just cannot justify myself spending that amount of funds on a phone.
Yet I am doubting myself (And hence I am writing here) – because she’s usually right about these social things. We’ve been together for over 10 years now, married for 5 and I am admittedly an introvert. I usually don’t care about such stuff and she knows that, so she has to push me towards these decisions.
I’ll admit she has a keen eye for what looks good and what doesn’t. She’s usually the center of attention anywhere we go because (don’t blame me for crushing on my wife) she’s this pretty, attractive girl.
I also go with her judgment because she grew up in a normal family with both parents, therefore she’s better adjusted to social situations.
I didn’t have that privilege. From the time I was 9, I grew up with only me to look after myself. I stayed on roads, in hostels – whatever to get me by. Eventually, one of my relatives paid for my college which I completed. This isn’t self-pity.
Just thought I’d add relevant context. I just didn’t have a family to tell me what was normal or not.
Also, before someone asks – I can afford it. It won’t even matter. I just cannot see $2K being a good use for a phone.
We’ve spent more on (what I consider) meaningful experiences – an impromptu Disneyland trip because that was her dream, taking her to the Vatican for Christmas because she is a believer and I am an atheist, etc. This I don’t find meaningful. She does. She left for work in a huff today and hasn’t been taking my calls and we are at an impasse.
Would you buy a $2K phone is you could afford it but just don’t want to.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I can see both sides. On one hand, I agree that 2k for a phone is ridiculous. On the other hand, some positions come with external expectations.
If you have contact with clients your image might influence them in some ways. It is all about expectations that people have about you and sometimes it is good for you to match those expectations. You wrote that your wife has shown a good hand for this in the past, why don’t you just listen to her again?” Der_Vampyr
Another User Comments:
“I think it’s your funds and your decision only, I mean you’re gonna be the one that uses the phone right? If u want it buy it, if u don’t that’s okay too. I grew up in the middle-upper class and I use an iPhone that I have had for like 4y because it’s still working and I don’t need a new one.
It’s not about how you are raised it’s purely if you want it or not. Now, the thing that is a red flag for me here is her being mad about you not wanting a new phone. Why does a material thing impact your relationship in that way?
It’s not you not wanting to buy her a new phone, it’s a phone for yourself. I don’t know but I really wouldn’t care if my partner doesn’t want a new phone for himself, I think u should talk to her and find out what’s behind the anger” OutrageousEqual6560
6. AITJ For Not Inviting My Abusive Mother To My Birthday Dinner?
“To begin this story I feel like I have to give a rundown on the history between me and my mother so things make more sense.
I was born with an incurable illness and ever since I was younger my mother has always held it against me and used it as ammo whenever she got mad at me. Whenever I spoke against her I would be called disrespectful and she would get mad and throw it in my face how she “always took care of me and sat in the hospital by my bedside and I’m being ungrateful for that.” There was a time I was given 2 years to live but obviously, I survived and she once told me she wished the doctors were right and I didn’t make it past those 2 years.
There are a lot more things that she’s said and done but I don’t want this post to be too long.
Anyway my birthday is in a few days and one day we were all at home and some of my siblings came by and started to make plans for my birthday and decided for us to go out to dinner.
This conversation was had in front of my mom but she wasn’t apart of the final plans. I texted my other siblings who weren’t around when we had the talk and we all agreed on a date and time. So I guess my oldest sister mentioned the plans to my mother and she responded by saying “she wasn’t invited and she doesn’t know why we treat her this way and leave her out of our plans.” Honestly, I had plans of inviting her despite our past, but about 2 weeks ago she called me from work saying they asked her to work on my birthday and she kept saying how she felt like that was an important day but she couldn’t remember why so she picked up the extra shift. Even while we were on the phone she kept saying “I don’t know why that date feels important to me but oh well I guess it’s not important” I didn’t buy into the nonsense and just said maybe she’ll remember before she eventually said “oh yeah that’s your birthday isn’t it.”
Even after this, she kept bringing up how she picked up the shift on my birthday so I didn’t feel a need to invite her. She’s been talking bad about me to everyone else trying to make me feel bad for not inviting her, but I honestly don’t want her there.
I’ve been disassociated from her for years now and I don’t know why she’s acting like she cares. I think she’s just mad because I didn’t get mad or upset like she wanted me to.”
Another User Comments:
“So she wants to wish you had died but wants to guilt you into inviting her.
She’s a sparkly sort of jerk, isn’t she? You are not a jerk, and I adore that you didn’t buy into her trying to get you to invite her or be upset. You must have a lot of patience to have answered the phone. NTJ” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ anyone asks “Mom made it a point to tell me she picked up an extra shift that day because ‘she couldn’t remember what was supposed to be important about it’. Since she was already busy I saw no need to extend an invitation to an event she wouldn’t be able to make.”” MelodyRaine
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She did say she’d be working. You didn’t mention your age, but maybe it’s time to move out. Some parents become better at parenting when the kids aren’t living with them anymore.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Keeping My Heart Condition A Secret From My Abusive Mother?
“I (f20) was born with a rare heart condition that caused me to grow up in and out of hospitals. My family was also all born in South America, except for me. Being born with this problem caused my family’s U.S.
vacation to turn into a 20-year (and counting) long stay. My culture is very conservative and women are held to an incredibly high beauty standard. Due to this, my mom (f62) has not always been the nicest to me, to put it lightly, which has led me to be in low contact with her for about 6 years now (she moved back to our country of origin after her and my dad divorced 16 years ago).
Onto the story: about a month and a half ago I was rushed to the hospital and ended up being diagnosed with congestive heart failure. Now I’m not going to lie, I am terrified. I told my dad right away but I am also low-contact/no-contact with my two siblings (m 36 & m 26) due to mistreatment.
So last week I told M36 over text and he called me. We talked for about 40 minutes and he tried to convince me to tell Mom what was happening. Telling me that I will regret being LC with her and that whatever she has said or done in the past that has hurt me I have to forgive her and give her some grace because of the cultural differences and that she is “from another time” (called me satan when I came out, made fun of me and my body for any “imperfections”, said my only worth is my U.S citizenship, etc) but that at the end of the day, she is still my mom.
He also went on about how I will “regret treating her this way” and how I need to stop being stubborn and allow her to be part of my life again.
I told him he is free to tell her because I lack the language skills to communicate such a serious issue to her in our native language, but that until she loves and accepts me for who I am, I will remain LC with her.
He also went on about how I can’t be so strict and expect everyone in my life to agree with my “lifestyle” I just need to learn how to brush that aside and not talk about it.”
Another User Comments:
“Dude, you’re not the jerk at all!
It’s your health and your decision who to tell, especially with how your mom’s treated you in the past. Your brother can say whatever he wants, but he shouldn’t pressure you into something that’s not healthy for you. It’s understandable to not want to deal with her negativity, especially when you’re dealing with something as serious as heart failure.
Focus on taking care of yourself and being around people who genuinely support you, that’s what’s important right now.” hottie_amber
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m so sorry for your health news OP, hope you’re doing ok. Your brother has it the wrong way around, your mother is the one who will live with regrets for how she’s treated you….and regardless of culture, that’s all on her.
Focus on your health and those that bring joy to your life.” superrm81
Another User Comments:
“You’re informing your brother about your severe medical situation. And instead of being there for you, he’s USING your condition as a way to try to push you towards forgiving your mother… NTJ This is YOUR condition.
You hadn’t had any inkling or desire to contact your mother since being diagnosed. So why do it now? To please your brother? No, only do it if it pleases you. I understand this is a scary time. Use your energy for yourself, not for others.” DoIwantToKnow6417
4. AITJ For Uninviting My Trans Son's Disrespectful Stepmom From His Graduation Party?
“My (37F) son (17M) has a very strained relationship with his father and stepmom.
He is trans (FtM) and they are Catholic, so they refuse to accept his transition and call him by his dead name and pronouns. He lives with me full-time after having a huge fight with them shortly after coming out. (He used to live with them 50/50).
His father is quite passive, and his stepmom is a narcissist. He goes along with everything she says.
My son is graduating in a month. He just handed out invites to his grad party. Shortly after giving one to his dad and stepmom, Stepmom texted my son about his grades and if he was even graduating.
(My son doesn’t have the best GPA but he is on track to graduate). She was extremely condescending in the texts and asked if he needed to come to stay with her and Dad because I wasn’t tracking his grades well enough.
He sent me the texts, and I kindly texted her back, saying I appreciated the concern, but he is on track to graduate and I have it handled. And that in the future, I wish she would text more about his day than just get on him about grades.
And that it hurts him that she seemingly only reaches out when something is wrong. She then responded with a snarky that she could see the grades called the school, and that DEAD NAME’S counselor was also concerned about his grades. And that she texts DEAD NAME all the time.
(She does not. My son tells me every time she or dad texts or calls).
After that, I blew up on her. I told her his name is PREFERRED NAME and his pronouns are He/Him and it’s time she respected that. She countered with ” You are a complete idiot.
You can’t change your gender, you total moron. You have him so brainwashed, it’s pathetic.”
After that, I told her not to bother coming to the grad party and that she was uninvited. She said, “Try and stop me.”
My son was pretty upset about the whole thing afterward and had a bit of a mental health spiral. I think he is afraid that his dad won’t come now.
So, Am I the jerk? I was just trying to protect my son. I have been civil and compliant with this narcissistic woman for years and I can’t keep letting her talk to my son the way she does anymore. I’m starting to think maybe I should have just ignored her to stay civil until after graduation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m queer and Catholic and I would jump over a pew and fight anyone who’s talking like that right in front of the altar with Jesus hanging there unable to look away. If Pope Francis says trans people can be baptized under their preferred name and gender (which he does, even if pointing this out gets me called slurs on Twitter) then she can send her complaints straight to St. Wilgefortis and their divinely granted gender change.” AbsyntheMindedly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds like the devil on wheels. But you’re kind of stuck if she shows up. Unless you hire security, there’s nothing you can do. You can block her number on the phone so she can’t get through to him. Let her text you if she feels the need to text.
He is certainly of an age when he has some input on his living situation, and I’m assuming he will be 18 soon. If not you can keep a record of everything: texts, emails, phone calls, what she says and demands. You can take those to the court.
It won’t go well for them.” Fredsundertheblanket
3. AITJ For Not Reimbursing My Ex-Wife After Using The Funds To Pay For An Emergency Sitter?
“Our 8-year-old son is going to his first sleepaway camp next month. Since my ex and I make the same income, we do not give or get child support but rather pay for different expenses.
For example, I pay for his sitter and she pays for his extracurricular activities like camp.
Sleepaway camp was so expensive that they don’t even list the cost online. His camp and sports cost more than his sitter so I agreed to reimburse her whatever the difference is between that and childcare.
So far it’s $150 and I said I’d give it to her today when we see each other at our son’s swim lesson.
I was on my way home after a short business trip. My son was at his mom’s. I got a call from the sitter.
He said my son’s mom came home and was heavily intoxicated. She was passed out on the couch. Our sitter said he didn’t feel okay leaving our son with her. Our son hadn’t had dinner and Friday is bath night where I scrub him clean.
I said I couldn’t do anything as I was about to fly back home and asked if he could stay and watch my son. He said he couldn’t. His place is a bit of a commute. Then I asked if he would be open to taking my son back to his place, feeding him, bathing him, and putting him to bed. I’ll personally pick my son up and take him to my house.
I have him for these two weeks anyway.
Our sitter said he could do that but asked about getting paid. I said I’ll pay you for whatever hours you worked. He said if I paid him upfront instead of a check then he’ll do the overnight thing for an extra $150.
I agreed.
I got back to town at 3 am and picked my son up at 4 am. I texted my ex about the sitter. I saw her at our son’s swim meet and she admitted to drinking too much at her office party and apologized to our sitter.
She asked me for the $150 for the summer camp reimbursement. I said I applied it to pay the sitter for taking Ryan overnight since you couldn’t do it yourself. She said that wasn’t fair and we’re not squared. I said we are. We both paid the same amount for childcare and camp.
That was the agreement. She said that I promised to reimburse her and I decided to have the sitter take Ryan overnight and it’s my responsibility to his sitter. I told her to kick rocks”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Man, does she have the audacity to still ask for the $150 when she came home heavily intoxicated to the point that the sitter felt uncomfortable leaving?
If I were her I would be mortified and not even dream of asking for the funds. She’s not thinking about this rationally, she just wants funds. You split costs evenly, paying for the emergency sitter being that she was heavily intoxicated to the point of not being able to responsibly watch the kid means you guys are settled up.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ And kudos to your sitter for looking out for your son’s best interests. If your wife complains that you did not reimburse you for the camp, tell her she has to reimburse you for the sitter. She is lucky the sitter called you instead of child services.” hikergirl26
Another User Comments:
“What a terrible mom. No wonder you divorced her. She’s worried about $150 for camp. She should be talking to the police and CPS about what a terrible mother she is and should be over the moon that you handled it for her pathetic self.
She has a lot of nerve. Tell her one more time and she won’t have to worry about anything because you will do everything in your power to get full custody. She is worried about the wrong thing here. But I guess it is messing with her funds.” Interesting_Chef_896
2. AITJ For Sending My Friend An Invoice After She Drained My Savings And Disrespected Me?
“About two weeks ago, my (19f) friend “Nellie” (18f) came over for a week while her parents were on a trip. I would pick her up from the hotel her parents were at for their vacation, and she would hang out with me for the week.
When I picked her up, we went to In-N-Out because she didn’t have it in her state and wanted to try it, and asked me to pay. I agreed, and she ordered an insane amount of food, ate only half of it, and then complained about how a mid burger could be expensive (I know the burgers are mid and expensive, but I love it).
We went grocery shopping for the week because I needed to anyway, and she made me buy her about $80 of food that SHE wanted to eat while I was at work (she knew I couldn’t take time off but had invited herself into my home anyway).
She made fun of my car because it was old and only about 4k and wasn’t as good as her 15k car that’s only a few years old. She also body-shamed me repeatedly any time I tried on different clothes and ate most of the food I had bought while I was at work.
She made me cook, took over half of the entire meal, and would throw half her plate away, stating she “doesn’t do leftovers”.
She also demanded I take her to various other fast food when I wanted to cook, and ordered an insane amount of food, throwing half of it away.
Any time I tried to bring something up, she would side-eye me and guilt trip me. She also never paid for gas this entire trip, even when I had to drive about 250 miles round trip for us to see another friend.
To make things worse, she took and sent inappropriate pictures in my house while I was at work and bragged about how good they looked and how I should learn to take better pics of myself.
She criticized the way I drive, along with critiquing how I refused to drive dangerously in traffic and refused to speed because my car couldn’t handle anything over 80mph.
When I finally took her back to their parents after 9 days (she was only supposed to stay 5) I sent her a text telling her I felt extremely disrespected by how she treated me and asked to be paid back at least a little bit because I spent about $400 on this week alone.
AITJ for sending her an invoice because she drained my savings and disrespected me?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. YTJ – for not setting expectations up front and as you go. You can’t retrospectively demand she pays you unless she agrees to upfront. When she stayed the extra 4 days, you had a good opportunity to ask for some funds as she was staying longer than expected. Also as others have said she doesn’t sound like a very good friend.” loderingo49
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Nellie is not your friend, she’s using and manipulating you. Take responsibility for your spinelessness, get some therapy or whatever it takes to get a backbone, and learn how to say No, how to have boundaries, and how to not accept being treated like rubbish.
She didn’t MAKE you do anything, you CHOSE to, and now you’re mad, not so much at her but really at yourself.” wisewoman707
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself. You really should have put a stop to that. But you kept giving in. She took advantage of you for a reason.
You need to understand that saying no in public is necessary sometimes. She walked all over you and you let her.” journeyintopressure
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's Partner To Join Our Movie Night?
“I just now asked if we could watch the movie Rushmore (it’s very important to me as I watch it for comfort).
On Monday, I asked if we could watch it on Wednesday since she previously mentioned she was probably going to see her partner, Jason (44M), on Tuesday night.
Sounded like a plan to us so I left the room but when I came back she said “How about if Jason comes over here tmr night we watch the movie together? That would be a good way for you two to spend some time together “ and my response was “yeah what a great time bonding while sitting quietly in the same room together for 90 minutes” and she did not like that but seriously hello like let’s be real?
This was an issue for me for two reasons, the lesser being that I wouldn’t be able to sit on the couch. My mom is not going to make her partner sit on the awkward little seat by the trash and I sure am not gonna share the couch with him, I have absolutely nothing against this man he is nice and makes my mom happy and that is what matters but I will not be uncomfortable like that in my own home!!!
And I am not sitting in that awkward seat for 90 minutes.
the second reason is harder to explain, to sum it up: this movie is very important to me, and watching it in such a situation would taint the experience. Therefore I do not want to partake.
This same thing happened (my mom asking or inviting her partner to see a movie that meant something to me and me being not ok with it) twice before. She tried to invite him to see the Charlie Day movie with us and I was like no especially since it would be my first time watching it and that experience means something to me also she invited him to watch the newest Wes Anderson movie with us last summer and again no, that movie I knew would be important to me thus my first time watching it would be too.
And I was correct in both those statements fyi.
So after she mentioned Jason watching Rushmore with us I made my hilarious and light-hearted joke and changed the subject and now I am wondering if I should bring it up again or not worry about it… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’ll say NTJ because you dealt with the situation the best you knew while trying not to hurt your mom. But you need to tell your mom exactly what you wrote here. Your joke doesn’t let her know how you feel, how important the experiences were to you, and why you didn’t want Jason there.
Most of all it doesn’t tell her you want to spend time only with her. If she doesn’t know she can’t act in a way that is comfortable to you and she might keep insisting.” ookishgirlstar
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