People Have Self-Respect In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Throwing My Wife's Pillow Out For More Bed Space?
“Last night, when getting ready for bed, I tried taking a picture of how my wife was lying in the bed to show her how little space I had. She made a joke of it and hid under the blankets. We have a king-size bed, have a toddler that sleeps between us, and my wife keeps a pillow between her and the toddler.
I was trying to show my wife that she and her pillow already took up over half of the bed, leaving me with little to no space, especially once our toddler lay down.
I tried telling her I needed more room, but she kept making a joke of it.
So I got in bed, grabbed the pillow she keeps at her back, and tossed it into the hallway, saying “Here, this will help.” The next thing I know, my wife is furious, crying, and gathering her other pillows and blanket, saying “If I’m that much of a problem, you can just have the bed to yourself.” She and our toddler went to the toddler’s room to sleep (that bed is a full-size bed).
This morning, my wife is still mad and barely speaking to me, so I ask AITJ for throwing my wife’s pillow out of the room?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your wife is the issue here. When you try to communicate with her about having more space, she brushes you off and then makes jokes about it.
So she clearly wasn’t listening to you at all. She was hogging the bed and basically making you either sleep in another room or have no room. Her reaction to a pillow being thrown is an overreaction. Take back the bed; the kid should be sleeping in his own bed anyway.
If she isn’t willing to sleep without him, then she can sleep in the other bed in the kid’s room, but you should take the main bed back. In short, I think she is being horribly inconsiderate and a jerk.” BuilderWide1961
Another User Comments:
“ESH, but you are a little less than your wife. The toddler should be in their own bed. Period. I get co-sleeping is a thing, but it completely destroys intimacy between a couple in their marital bed. Not to mention the sleep issues (like space, being kicked), etc. I think after a certain point in a child’s life it’s okay to make them sleep in their own room.
Many of us slept in our own beds and we have survived. I imagine she uses the pillow as a way to avoid rolling on the child. What she doesn’t understand is how little space between all of that leaves you. And your sleep matters too.
What bugs me is her thinking it’s all a joke and then getting mad when she realizes you were serious about it. But you were a bit extreme with your reaction. Schedule a time when you both are awake, not combative, and not distracted (like get someone to watch the kid for 30–60 minutes); sit down and decide on how to handle this whole sleeping arrangement, because it is not working.
Raising a kid is a two-parent decision, not just one. You’re going to have a long, unhappy marriage with a lack of sleep if you don’t effectively communicate with each other. Ps. Also, just say you’re sorry you got upset last night. That is usually a good start to having her at least communicate with you.” CheeSupreme1743
Another User Comments:
“ESH. This conversation needs to be had, but bedtime isn’t the time to have it. You need a place to sleep, but she probably has a good reason for the pillow between her and the toddler. Toddlers tend to kick in their sleep.
Hard. You all need to put your heads together and brainstorm some new solutions. (Because contrary to what all these commenters think, “Put the kid in their own bed” isn’t nearly as easy as it sounds, as you likely know, OP.) She needs to not laugh you off, but you need to not throw her stuff and escalate the disagreement.
And seriously, don’t bring up issues at bedtime, especially if you want them solved immediately. It’s a recipe for a big argument and no sleep, and it’s not a recipe for good problem-solving.” etds3
21. AITJ For Not Adjusting My Schedule After An Acquaintance Missed Our Agreed Meeting?
“An acquaintance of mine did me a favor and group ordered some cosmetics for a bunch of us online (free shipping if we grouped the order together). Basically, she did us all a favor.
We made arrangements for me to collect the items at a subway station near where she lives (it’s 30 minutes away for me).
I traveled there, showed up at the agreed time, and sent her a text to let her know I was there, but she did not respond. I waited 45 minutes (she was totally unresponsive) and then sent her a text saying that I was leaving because I had another appointment.
She essentially wasted 1 hour and 45 minutes of my time for nothing.
Subsequently, she apologized and told me to come down again to meet her the following day. I told her that she could travel down closer to where I stay, as I don’t have time to travel up and down again.
Now she’s saying that it’s on me to come meet her where it’s convenient for her because she has the products that I have already paid for, and if I don’t meet her, she’ll just dispose of them after a month. She said I should have just waited and that I was exaggerating that 45 minutes was a long wait.
I am generally a stickler for punctuality, so I’m wondering if I am making this a bigger deal than it should be. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Even though your friend did you a favor by group ordering, it does not give them a pass to not follow through with her agreed-upon timeframe of meeting you, especially considering you went out of your way to meet them.
It’s also not their place to tell you how valuable your own time is, especially if you had an appointment to get to.” EalexG
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s the jerk. I rarely wait 45 minutes for anyone because my time is also a priority.
I guarantee you she would never wait for someone for 45 minutes. That is so rude. And to expect you to do it again the very next day. A decent human would have apologized and agreed to meet halfway or even dropped it off as an apology for missing the scheduled meet-up time.
Yes, she did a favor to help get free shipping but the rest is just crap behavior.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Are you certain she actually has cosmetics for you and just didn’t take your funds? She sounds like a scammer who is using these tactics to tire you out.
If you never receive them, it’s because she “threw them out” and for some reason, it will still be on you while she avoided you.” Philosophy_1017
20. AITJ For Sharing My Recovery Story Despite A Coworker's Criticism?
“I, 29 (F), had a child at 19 with an abusive partner (physically and mentally). When my son was born, the abuse escalated, and I was able to get out with help.
My ex was deported for other reasons, and I was able to keep a restraining order against him. I then proceeded to have the perfect bounce-back story, where I went to college using grants to get a better job.
When my son was one, I met my now husband, and he eventually adopted my son.
My husband showed me what it was like to have a man genuinely love you and your child. I’ve been truly lucky and believe 100% it was because of God.
So here’s where people think I’m the jerk. At my job we hold a domestic abuse group for others to come and talk about their stories.
We have people who have just gotten out of an abusive situation, and we try to encourage them. I generally tell my story when I join the meeting. My coworker made a comment that not everyone is as lucky as me and that I shouldn’t act so happy about it.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were in a bad situation that you were fortunately able to get out of, and you are happy about that. Nothing wrong with it. Is it sad that there are other people who are in similar situations and can’t get out?
Yes. Does it mean that you are trying to make other people feel bad by celebrating your own achievements? No.” LawyerGirl21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would argue people in these situations actually need your story to help them see it won’t be bad forever.
People in bad situations have a hard time imagining a better future for themselves, and being able to talk to someone who went through something similar and is actually happy is probably really helpful and encouraging for them.” ratakat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless there are some details you’re leaving out, such as your story including that your husband is a millionaire, and you now travel the world, drive a Porsche, have no worries in the world now, and ‘you can do it too’; then you need to pay your coworker no mind and tell her to keep her thoughts to herself (maybe gently.
Could she be struggling with these issues and not be in a good place at the moment?). I am constantly motivated by stories I read of people who have grown, succeeded, and thrived in areas where I have my own personal struggles. The social media age has done a lot to foster a sense of community, connection, and has normalized peer-to-peer support.
I love the fact you have this in your workplace of all places. Good on you for being open enough to share a painful history so that it may help someone else. Sometimes our light at the end of the tunnel begins from seeing someone else who has come out of the same situation.” kingcurtist37
19. AITJ For Telling My Pregnant Sister That Her Baby Is Secondary To My Sick Child?
“Recently, my younger sister told the family that she is pregnant.
She is in the very early stages of pregnancy, and I’m stoked for her, and she’s very excited. I already have a child. She is 5 years old and turning 6 in a few days. Though this won’t be a very happy birthday for her. She is currently in the hospital for pneumonia, and we don’t know much about what’s going on.
We’re just praying that my baby is okay.
My sister comes to visit from time to time, and I’m grateful for it. But every time she comes, she has to bring up her baby as if it were already born and alive. She’ll say, “I don’t know how you could be so calm; if my baby gets sick like this, I’ll go crazy,” which is exactly how we feel.
I’ve been crying all day seeing my baby in the hospital. Then, the worst part is she’ll say, “If my baby ever got this, I’d just cry every second, and I just don’t think you’re putting enough care into this.” She’s said this a few times.
Every time she says it, as soon as she leaves, I break down. I truly hate to see my baby like this.
So, today she made another comment about her baby and my baby, and I snapped. I told her, “Your baby isn’t even born, so she’s not that important right now.
Let my baby be the one right now. Your baby isn’t here, so we don’t know if it will end up going through this.” She just looked at me, grabbed her things, and left. She later texted me, along with my mom, that I was a jerk for what I said and that I need to apologize big time.
I’m already stressed out enough, and it’s gotten ten times bigger. I’ve talked to my husband about this, and he supports everything I said, so now I’m really torn about the situation. So, tell me, am I a jerk for what I said?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m pretty sure if my child was in the hospital, I’d tell my self-centered pregnant sister to pound sand. You are worried about your child. She is fully entitled to worry, as a soon-to-be-mom, that her child might face the same scary situation.
But it’s not her child, and it’s not happening now. If you feel it’s necessary, you can apologize later, when this is over with.” SpecificSkunk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How insensitive can one be? Your sister was literally at a sick child’s hospital bed talking about how she would suffer if it was her child.
Self-centered, tone deaf, without any empathy, useless, making it even worse for the parents. Tell your mum to stay out of it, tell your sister the last thing you need is her making your child’s illness about herself. Then mute them both and focus on your family.
I hope your child gets better really soon.” xxSKSxx_
Another User Comments:
“Just block her. She’s nothing but a burden for you right now. She’s using you and your kid to criticize you since she’s a (unborn baby) mother too now. Maybe she does it to make herself feel like a mother too, or maybe she just enjoys criticizing people.
But you don’t need this. If your mom doesn’t agree, you should stay away from her too. Seriously, it’s time for you to be selfish because your kid needs your support more than anyone. You have to be strong; you don’t have any other choice.
NTJ. I wish all the best for your kid, and I hope your kid gets a great birthday next year! Stay strong.” little_ballof_fur
18. AITJ For Being Mad At My Dad For Changing His Word On Selling My Laptop?
“In year 7 my school gives you a laptop which is included in the school’s fees, and in year 10 they let you take it home as a personal laptop and give you a new one.
About 4 months ago I got to take my laptop home and I asked my dad if I could sell it since my friends had sold theirs already for about $500 and I figured I’d do the same!
I’ve been saving Christmas money and pocket money for a couple of years now to fund a PC, so selling the laptop would give me a huge boost.
My dad said I could wait until I got a bank account set up and got a job, things I’d been saying I’d do for a while.
So now 4 months later I’ve done all that! I’ve been working at Donut King for a couple of weeks and I figured they wouldn’t have a problem with it, but the only thing is, my dad has been using the laptop to check his emails and play crosswords online.
I thought it was just a temporary thing and there wouldn’t be a problem when it came around that I’d want to sell it.
I asked him if I could put it up on eBay and he gave me an odd look like, “When did I say you could do that?”
I reminded him that he said he’d help me sell it, lol, but now he says it’s his because he’s been using it for a while now. That was kind of the end of it, but I’m just sad because I’ve been working my butt off to try and get a job, setting up banking, and stuff (which is all very new to me).
There’s also the argument that the laptop is technically my parents’ property anyway since they pay for my schooling and that’s where the laptop came from. I’m not going to push back anymore, but I’m still kind of bummed.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad is though.
1. He made a dumb promise. You don’t need a bank account to sell a laptop. And it’s silly to wait, as laptops quickly decrease in value over time. 2. He broke said promise. Never cool. 3. The argument ‘I use it so it’s mine’ is plain wrong.
If I steal the laptop and start using it, is it then mine? He’s teaching all the wrong things. With his logic, you could take his car out for a joyride and then claim it’s your car. Dad could have avoided all of this by saying, ‘We paid for the laptop, through your school fees, so it’s our laptop.’ That would have been fine.” HildoBijl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since he pays your school fees, he also paid for the laptop, which makes it technically his. He became a jerk, though, when, after telling you that you could sell it once you met his conditions, he then tried to pretend he never said that and claimed the laptop for himself.
He reneged on your deal, which was a jerk move. When you do buy yourself your new PC, don’t let him use it to check his email and do crosswords; you don’t want him staking a claim to that one too!” The-Aforementioned-W
17. AITJ For Poking At A Stranger's Phone In A Movie Theater?
“A woman in front of me at the movie theater started to use her phone excessively.
I wouldn’t mind if she used it to check the time (or anything for a bit, not just the time), but it looked like she was texting. After what felt like five minutes (probably only a minute), I bent down and whispered to her, “It’s distracting.” She put it away, then pulled it out again after a bit to use it for a while.
I bent down and started poking around her phone, not knowing what I was poking at because it was none of my business. I was just poking at it. I didn’t do it for a full second because she immediately put it down and said, “What the heck??” I heard a person say, “Shhh.” The second time she pulled out her phone, I did it again.
She never pulled her phone out again.
I didn’t give a crap because if she had reported this, either we’d both be out or she would be because she would be outing herself. The only way a stranger can poke at your phone is if you have your phone out.
I thought the way I handled it was quiet. I told her once that it was distracting; she was the one who pulled out her phone, but at the same time, I did put my finger on her belongings, which is why I’m here.
I don’t want to go out of the movie theater to report.
Have y’all ever done that? Does it often work? If so, then the movie theaters I go to suck here. I don’t want to miss out on a scene because of some person who felt at home out in public.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, which I’m sure you know by now.
No matter her reason for doing it, or how annoying it was, there’s no call for getting in her space and poking at her phone. Pawing at somebody else’s personal possessions, especially in this kind of situation, is a combative action and you’re very lucky it didn’t start some kind of crap.
Next time, if the situation is truly unbearable (and that’s a valid way to feel), let a theater employee know and they can be the “bad guys” who deal with it.” indignantgirl
Another User Comments:
“FWIW, a lot of people have medically necessary things on their phones like insulin pumps, continuous glucose meters… you could have messed with someone’s health easily.
I would like to think most people using a phone in those situations would be quick about it, but if it really bothers you that much you need to be a big boy and talk to an attendant. Or move. The world doesn’t revolve around you and people have other crap going on they don’t get to turn off or stop thinking about.
If they were clearly scrolling social media I understand your frustration absolutely, but you need to confirm that they’re just being rude before you touch someone’s belongings. Even then, be an adult and talk to them, talk to an attendant, or move. Your reaction was just as childish as potentially using a phone in a theatre.
YTJ. Pretty sure you still don’t get the point. You sound… very young. One day when you have responsibilities and life experience you’ll look back at this and cringe.” dear_island
Another User Comments:
“Honestly? This isn’t AITJ, this is more like ‘weird, what does this have to do with you.’ How is it distracting for someone else to be on their phone, silently, when you’re watching a movie in a public theatre?
It’s bright in there, not like they have their phone brightness on 200%, and it’s distracting. I’ve never understood this line of thinking. You should be watching the movie, not the audience. Also, not to be that person, but she could be doing anything—texting something important or utter nonsense.
It doesn’t matter, but I doubt she paid for a movie at $15+ a ticket to sit on her phone on purpose. I can’t imagine texting silently, minding my own business, and some freak starts poking at me from behind. I have PTSD and probably would have felt so uncomfortable/anxious I’d move far away (if possible) or just leave.” anonymousepoet
16. AITJ For Yelling At My Fiancé's Controlling Mother Over My Wedding?
“I (23F) am engaged and have been planning my wedding for the past 6 months. The wedding is in another 6 months, on the day we met/the day we got engaged, and I’m going crazy with the planning. My fiancé is such a mama’s boy; he’s letting her take over the whole wedding!
So far, she’s chosen the flowers, the venue, and even the caterer. Last week, we had the cake tasting, and I really liked the vanilla cake with strawberries; however, she kept insisting on the chocolate cake, saying “it’s more elegant…” I just lost it and went off on her about how she’s taking over the whole wedding and that this is our day, not hers.
She got up and left, so my fiancé went after her, leaving me alone to finish the tasting and go home by myself.
Two days later, I went to see her to apologize for making a scene and to explain how I felt. She was being dry and cold toward me, which was expected, but she said she understood and that she’d try to back off a little more.
After I apologized, my fiancé and I started fighting. I’d been telling him about this for months, so yes, it was bound to build up, and that was my final straw. He started to make it about money, saying that she was paying for most of the wedding and that she was allowed to have a say.
I told him it wasn’t about the money and that my parents had offered countless times to share the costs. I do ask her opinions on things just as I ask my mom’s, but they are a blend of what I like rather than what she likes.
We don’t exactly share the same style, and this is my wedding day.
I’m also starting to rethink the relationship because he always takes her side on everything, and I really don’t know if that will ever change. I know that after his mom and I talked, she went straight to him to talk about me.
I don’t know how I could live with a controlling mother-in-law when my husband will always back her up over me.
So AITJ for going off on her and wanting to break up with my fiancé?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Girl, RUN!!!!!!! I’m not usually of the mindset of walking away instead of working on a relationship, but it sounds like he feels like his mom’s feelings are more important than yours.
It’s going to be a problem forever. If you have kids and she wants to be in the delivery room and you don’t want her there, will your husband take her side or yours? When you get a promotion opportunity but have to move to accept, and she doesn’t want to ‘lose her baby boy,’ will he take your side and move with you?
Or will he stay? If you end up in a coma and she tells him to pull the plug when he knows that isn’t your wish, will he do what you asked or blindly follow his mom’s lead? You have a long, long life ahead of you; if he can’t support you in a wedding, which is a single day, will he support you for decades of days together in the future?
How he handles this, and how he handles her, is a reflection of what your future will be. Choose your path wisely.” lurker0277
Another User Comments:
“Yuck. Mama’s boys are a turn-off. There is being kind, sweet, and respectful of your mother, and there is being enmeshed. No can do with a mama’s boy.
They’re best left with Mama. You think she’s controlling the wedding and steamrolling you now? Wait till you have a baby! She will treat you like the surrogate for her and your fiancé’s baby. It’s sick. Do not apologize. Tell her to get used to it.
The more she inserts herself into your relationship and imposes her will on you, the worse the animosity will get. Change her choices to what you want. Reject her money—it comes with strings attached. When she complains about being left out, ‘yes, that’s right.’ As for your fiancé, he either gets therapy or gets single because this untenable situation is only misery and hurt for you.
NTJ.” KindaNewRoundHere
15. AITJ For Confronting My Brother Over Taking Advantage Of Our Mom?
“Our mom is 64. She took early retirement for numerous reasons, but one was to help my brother with childcare. I respect our mother’s choice, but lately, she has not been complaining per se—instead, she makes comments about how tired she is and stuff. I help out when I can, but she watches them for over 12 hours.
She gets to their apartment at 7 and sometimes does not get home until 9.
Our mother is a doormat and people pleaser. She also feels for my brother and SIL because they have twins. I mean, she loves being a grandma, but as I told her, she is raising them.
She prepares all their meals and handles bath time and bedtime.
I get that my brother and SIL have to commute and stuff. They get home dog-tired, but they are running mom ragged. At least she was getting paid when she was working.
At this point, I told him something has to give.
He got defensive and said mom should be telling him this. I told him, “You know, mom will come up with 1,000 reasons why it is okay for someone to take advantage of her and blame herself for the inconvenience of putting her foot down.”
My brother told me to mind my own business and stop being a control freak.
He doubled down, saying that if Mom had an issue, she would bring it up. That is when I told him, “Like she did with dad?” The man was a jerk.
Now I admit I can be a bit of a control freak when it comes to our mom.
End of the day, I thought early retirement was not the best idea, but I get that she was tired. I help her with what I can and will keep on helping her for as long as I can.
I have mixed feelings because I talk to and see our mom; she is tired and she does complain about how hard it is.
On the other hand, I did speak on her behalf, but in private conversations, she mentions how she wants to be a grandparent and not feel like a second parent. She feels guilty for even thinking about going on a week-long vacation in May with her friends.
Maybe I could have handled it better or just supported our mom by giving her breaks.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. A regular 14-hour day whilst she feels guilty all the time, and isn’t able to take time off WILL reduce her life expectancy.
Your brother is being really selfish. Have a talk with your mum about some boundaries that she would feel happy to enforce. For example, she will stop all childcare the moment a parent enters. There is to be no “I’m just going for a shower, to the gym, start on dinner” first. Your mum needs to stand up for herself, but she clearly has had a tough marriage and a heart in the right place, so I don’t think she’s a jerk for it.” Difficult_Falcon1022
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re wrong or a jerk, per se, but here’s the thing: “At this point I told him something has to give. He got defensive and said mom should be telling him this. I told him, ‘You know, mom will come up with 1,000 reasons why it is okay for someone to take advantage of her and blame herself for the inconvenience of putting her foot down.'” He’s 100% right about this.
You’re not a part of this situation, really. It’s nice that you’re stepping in to help your mother out with the childcare sometimes, but I think what would truly be supportive of her is to encourage her to explain to your brother that she’s being run ragged. Your mom might be a people pleaser to a fault, but that doesn’t make it suddenly your business to step in and start dictating to your brother what he should or shouldn’t be doing.
Encouraging him to set up a schedule that’s easier on your mother is one thing. Telling him, “I’m doing this because we know that mom won’t,” isn’t fair to any of the three of you and isn’t a healthy way for relationships to function. Your attempt to control the arrangement between your brother and your mom isn’t going to solve this issue, because they’re both adults with the right and power of self-determination.
So, again, while I sympathize with you and think the arrangement should change for your mother’s sake, YTJ in this situation. Your mother needs to speak with him herself.” NoSalamander7749
Another User Comments:
“Hey OP, that sounds really frustrating. Your brother is a little bit right though, and your mom should bring this up with him.
I’m going to step out on a limb and make an assumption that while your mom enables your brother, you are enabling your mom a teensy bit. I’m reading between the lines here, but it sounds like your brother leans heavily on her, and then she leans on YOU to complain and offload her frustration with the situation.
Even though you are not technically doing the actual caretaking, you are clearly being affected. Mom needs to resolve this issue herself. If mom is going to watch the kids for twelve hours a day, then she needs to do this by herself, including communicating all complaints and needs to your brother.
I would sit your mom down for a talk. You love her and are here to support her, but you are frustrated and upset by the way your brother and she are handling the childcare. You are happy to support her, but you are not willing to listen to her complain without taking any action to fix the situation.
You are doing this from a place of compassion because ultimately, you want her to make the most of her golden years. Sounds like everyone needs to bump up their communication skills. ESH.” msnide14
14. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Sister-In-Law Take My Daughter To Disney Without Me?
“I (25f) have two kids. One is a 6‐month‐old and one is a 3‐year‐old. I am in school right now and funds are tight.
During Christmas dinner, my sister-in-law (29f) announced she was going to Disney and asked if I wanted to come with my kids. The kids were not present for this conversation. I declined, stating I had school and not enough funds for the trip. My sister-in-law said she would pay for the child and take her to Disney without me if I couldn’t come.
I declined once again because I am not comfortable with my child leaving the country without me. I sensed she was upset by this answer, but we did not discuss it further and haven’t since.
I came home today and my 3‐year‐old ran up to me asking if she could go to Disney with her aunt.
When I asked my partner how she found out about Disney, he told me the sister-in-law had called while I was out and told my daughter all about Disney and how they were going but that her mother (me) did not want her to go with them.
I thought it was common sense not to rub it in a child’s face that others were going to Disney when she wasn’t, but apparently, I’m wrong and stealing my child’s joy because I won’t let her go out of the country without me.
Their argument is that because I let my daughter sleep over at the sister-in-law’s house and asked them to watch her for me when I have appointments or plans, I should be fine with them going to the US without me.
For context as well, I have always dreamt of bringing my daughter to Disney, which is something I shared with my in-laws.
A big part of me going back to school to level up my education was so that I could take my kids on trips often. I would love for her to be able to go, but I do not feel comfortable with her being so far away from me and not being able to watch her in such a busy destination.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Start distancing yourself from the toxic SIL, tell her nothing; she can’t be trusted. If your partner doesn’t get it or stick up for you, run far away from this family. Also, kids aren’t too aware of what Disney is and isn’t.
My kids thought this large amusement park on the outskirts of town was Disney for years. You could find something similar and call it “Disney” and make a special day with ice cream and a Mickey shirt, and your kid won’t know the difference.
And if you don’t, they’ll also totally forget that conversation with their aunt ever happened. Either way, this too shall pass.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, even if I lived down the road from Disney I wouldn’t want my child’s first experience to be without me; that’s common sense.
Big firsts happen with the parents even when they don’t. Secondly, Disney is in a completely different country from you. What would SIL do if something happened during the trip? What if your daughter got sick or tripped and broke a bone? What if their flight gets canceled or they are denied because she isn’t her mother and they suspect her of human trafficking?
So many things could go wrong, and with SIL not being a legal guardian, it could cause serious issues. If I were you, I would be having a serious talk with my partner about the boundaries with SIL and her relationship with your children because it is absolutely not normal to throw a fit over not being able to take someone else’s child out of the country without their legal guardian.
I honestly would think this was a scheme to steal my child and take her to the U.S. to prevent me from being able to take her back easily.” VanillaRose33
Another User Comments:
“Your SIL is being extremely manipulative; she purposely told your daughter about this trip in hopes that you would cave in and not let your daughter down.
That just makes her a jerk, if you asked me, because in the long run, she is putting you against your daughter, and she knows it’s your dream to take your daughter there—and for your daughter, it would be her first time if she goes.
Obviously, you want to be there for it. I know your daughter will be very upset if she doesn’t get to go, but I would still say no. You can still take a trip when you can afford it so that you can see the joy on your child’s face, and you can take your other child then to have a wonderful time there together with you and your partner.
Having sleepovers and watching them while you’re at appointments is not the same as taking them out of the country; there’s a huge difference. After pulling this off, I would be seriously considering letting her watch your children because God only knows what she’s probably going to say about you to your child after this.
She has just shown her true colors regarding how manipulative she is, and it is common sense not to rub it in a child’s face that they have been told they can’t go to Disneyland or a fun place like that.” Reddit User
13. AITJ For Pressing My Brother's Partner About Her Fake Career?
“I (19f) have a brother (24m) that I’ll call Liam. Earlier this year, he started seeing a girl he met at his climbing class that I’ll call Emma (26f). They’ve been together for 4 months, and this weekend he decided to introduce her to us.
They arrived yesterday and are staying until tonight.
She is a really nice person, and we got along well. Then, at one point, my dad asked her what she did in life, and she said she was a lawyer. I was super interested because I’m currently studying law and have wanted to be a lawyer since I was maybe 10, so I was very excited to ask her questions about it.
I asked about cases that she had, how she studied to become a lawyer, what her days looked like, and many more things. I might’ve been a little overenthusiastic and annoying, but I didn’t realize it at the time and was just excited to get to ask someone questions about my dream job.
But at one point, she said something that seemed incoherent to me. The details might be long and boring, but basically, she just said something that isn’t technically possible. So I was curious and a bit confused, and I asked her how that was possible because I just thought she’s the professional, so she must know better than me.
But as she tried to explain it, she just said more incoherent and impossible things. It was kind of like someone was quoting things from Grey’s Anatomy to doctors if you see what I mean. So I asked more about it to understand, and that’s when she admitted that she wasn’t actually a lawyer and worked at a bookstore.
She told us that she was very sorry for lying, and then left the table, and my brother followed her. My parents kind of scolded me for being so intrusive, and when my brother came back, he was a bit angry. He started telling me that I was wrong for “interrogating her” and that I made her uncomfortable, and that she had lied because she was embarrassed about her job, and I just made her more embarrassed. Now he hasn’t been talking to me since, and neither has Emma.
I’m not sure I’m in the wrong here, but they all seem to think so. I get that my asking questions was annoying and maybe a bit too much, but I truly didn’t have bad intentions; I was just excited to be able to talk about it with someone.
And also, I don’t understand how everyone is so okay with the fact that she lied to my brother for 4 months and then also lied to us. I get being embarrassed, but I don’t know, it’s still a bit weird to me. But I never meant to make her uncomfortable, and I genuinely liked her.
I don’t see how I’m in the wrong, but maybe I just can’t see it, so please tell me so that I can have another perspective.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a weirdo for lying about being a lawyer, and your family is weird for acting like you did anything wrong when you assumed she was the knowledgeable one and was just trying to grasp what she was saying.
It’s not like you were trying to catch her in a lie. She couldn’t keep up with it and had to out herself to end the conversation.” Objective-Ad9800
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it was a smaller lie with less wide implications (whether she has traveled to X, whether she saw Y in concert, etc.) then YWBTJ for trying to pick holes.
But for her to have lied about something so big as whether or not she is a lawyer (with the other implications about her career trajectory, financial situation, her ambitions, etc.) is a fairly big thing for your brother to be kept in the dark over.
It might be that she was saying it because she is (wrongly) embarrassed about ‘just’ working in a bookstore, in which case she probably isn’t a bad person. But whatever her motivation, it’s not great that she has misled your brother for so long.
It also begs the question, ‘what else has she lied about?'” AHBS3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What??? What bizarro world are you in? This girl openly lied about herself, got caught in a lie, and everyone is blaming you??? No, no way. You may have been overly enthusiastic to the point of being annoying, but I can’t blame you because it’s obvious to me that this is a topic you’re incredibly passionate about.
Heck, an actual lawyer would have probably been enthusiastic to feed your vigor for their profession. I know I am when young artists come to me and blabber their mouths off; even if they do become annoying, it’s heartwarming to see someone show interest in something I do like that.
No way. Stand your ground. Nothing here is your fault. Don’t let anyone gaslight you into thinking it is.” corvidfamiliar
12. AITJ For Calling A Friend A Spoiled Brat Over Grandkid Pool Party Rules?
“I have a group of lady friends who plan regular get-togethers. Most of us are connected through Carla (not her real name), who is our unofficial matriarch. She plans the events; they are usually at her house, and when we go on trips out of town, she pays for the Airbnb on her card and we pay her our portion.
The most recent upcoming trip has an indoor pool. We attend these parties and pretty much let loose. There’s drinking and shenanigans. We’re silly.
To be clear, we’re old ladies. Most of us are moms and about half of us are grandmas. Carla asked how the group would feel if her grandbabies came for a swim in the morning.
We established some guidelines – not only could Carla’s grandkids be invited, but only toddlers could come for the swim, and they had to be brought by a female (or female-presenting – this is a ladies’ weekend, after all). There would be a strict time frame, and we didn’t plan on curtailing our behavior – so fair warning, I guess.
The group was divided: some felt that they would be stifled and that it would change the whole vibe, while others felt that a morning time would not interfere with the craziness and would be fun. I suggested that we do a vote; majority rules.
Here’s where I might be the jerk. When the verdict was in, one person—we’ll call her Jen—said she was out. She didn’t want to come because the vote didn’t go her way. I told her she was being a spoiled brat and that she was having a childish, petty tantrum just because she wasn’t getting her way.
Jen told me she didn’t want to pay for something when she didn’t agree with the way things went, and that I should “respect her boundaries.” This isn’t the first time that Jen has said or done something sideways, but it is the first time I called her out.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: The situation was changed from when she booked. So she chose not to attend. That seems reasonable, no? You could have tried to find someone else to take her place or a better option; instead of majority rules, it should have been everyone must approve of the change.
Don’t be surprised if, at the next get-together, some of those who voted no to kids in the pool have other commitments and won’t come. It’s also weird that you are limiting it to only a ‘female’ who can bring kids.” houseonpost
Another User Comments:
“You’ve already heard from everyone here about why YTJ, but another reason you are is the Airbnb rental. Are you putting down all of these extra guests on your reservation? If, for example, you have booked a place with a pool for 6 women, you can’t now decide to bring an additional bunch of kids and their respective guardians for a swim – that is not how it works.
And it is groups like yours that cause problems for rule-abiding owners with their neighbors by bringing more people than the owner permits, causing the neighbors to complain about all the extra people. Don’t do it.” LottaCheek
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The vote was close, so only just over half of you chose to turn part of this into a grandkiddie party too.
And only about half of you are actually grandparents, meaning half of your group are not even in that phase of your lives yet anyway – many people don’t want to spend big money to be around toddlers. I’m a parent of older kids, not yet a grandparent, and it would change the dynamic for me too much.
YTJ for being so harsh to your friend – it wouldn’t be hugely surprising if this whole event and your reaction to it changed the whole vibe of what sounded like a lovely group prior to this. You can’t do a majority-wins vote on this sort of thing and expect everyone to still spend their $$$ on it.” CorellaDeville007
11. AITJ For Choosing My Friend's Birthday Over A Family Gathering?
“My mum and I continue arguing about this, calling each other selfish (I actually haven’t said that but she said it to me and I said “No that’s you”).
So, my aunt and cousin told us a few days ago that they are visiting in 2 weekends. They live further away and we see each other around once or twice a year.
2 days ago, my mum told me we were going to meet all together (them, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) on the Sunday they are here.
I told her right away that I couldn’t make it on Sunday, as it’s one of my best friend’s birthdays and she had already planned a day for it, and I said I’d go. I asked her if they could change it to Saturday instead.
She told me she had a theater play at 8 pm that day, but she would ask the group if it was possible.
Today she told me it wasn’t possible because of her play. Since grandparents are coming, they have to bring them back to their houses after lunch, which is 1 hour away, then get back and go to the play.
The others coming who live close to the grandparents don’t have enough space in their cars. She said it was going to be Sunday and that I should leave my friend’s party for a while to go and see them and then get back to the party again.
I don’t want to do the two things at once. I know my friend has things planned and I’m excited to attend as I don’t socialize often. My mum told me she would be the one to pick me up from my friend’s house so it would be easier for me, but I just don’t think it’s fair that I have to miss out on the party.
I argue that they can still do it on Saturday; they aren’t just planning it correctly to fit into their schedule. Here, we eat lunch quite late, around 3 pm, and when we do get-togethers it ends up being even later and our family ends up leaving around 7 pm.
I said that they can change the time. Instead of our family coming at 2–3 pm as always, they can come at 12 pm and we can start lunch at 1 pm, then by 5–6 pm it should be over, which leaves 2–3 hours until the play, giving them enough time to give a ride to the grandparents.
She continues saying she doesn’t want to be stressed about time management and it’s not viable. She said that they had looked at every option and it wasn’t worth it—that they can only do it on Sunday. I’m frustrated because I feel like it is possible on Saturday when everyone would be able to attend.
And if they told me, “Sorry, we looked at all the possibilities and we can’t on Saturday. It will have to be on Sunday; we will miss you,” then I would have been sad, but I would have understood. But no, even though they are scheduling it on the day I can’t, they are still expecting me to show up.
To sum up, I feel like my commitment is more important than theirs—not the commitment itself, but the timing. Theirs is at 8 pm and mine starts at 11 am and lasts the whole day, so I can’t really work around it, whereas they can. But my mum is calling me selfish because I can only think about my plan and not take into account theirs (mum and stepdad).”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for not changing your plans. If it were THAT important for you all to get together, then your aunt and cousins would give more notice/ask when is a good weekend to visit. So—just don’t go. But stop the arguing around which commitment is ‘more important’.
It sounds like moving this get-together to Saturday would impact EVERYONE ELSE. It’s unfair of you to expect EVERYONE ELSE to juggle their schedule and plans for you. One person. You aren’t wrong to not bail on your set plans. You will simply miss out on seeing your family.
You are wrong for expecting everyone else to change their entire day around just for you.” Fresh_Caramel8148
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say YTJ. You’re allowed to say you can’t make this and choose your friend’s birthday if that’s what you want to do.
But you are absolutely wrong about which commitment is more important. First, your mum’s commitment is a commitment outside of herself. She is, apparently, a part of a play. So there are several people, not to mention the patrons, relying on her to meet this commitment.
Second, she is the host and a driver. It makes no sense for her to move this to a day when she has a commitment, which may cause her to have to rush several people in order to make it to the play on time.
You’re asking for a lot of people to be inconvenienced on your behalf. If you can’t or don’t want to make this, offer to see these people together or individually on other days to make up for your absence.” Ryuugan80
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re expecting a lot of people to shuffle their plans around to accommodate you.
One person. That’s not fair. To anyone. You are the one that needs to accommodate the group’s plans. You. One person. This is especially true since you need rides from your mum. I’m sorry, but in this instance, you are the one being immature. I get it, though.
It sucks making plans and then having family come along and wanting to spend time, and then you having to reschedule or miss planned activities. It sucks—I’ve been there. Your family should have planned this better as both you and your mum have plans that weekend.
Your family sucks here too.” Inner-Nothing7779
10. AITJ For Demanding My Mom Take Responsibility For Her Credit Card Fraud?
“My mother opened a credit card in my name, spent money on it, and then said she would pay it, but she only paid the minimum payments instead of the full balance when I was first notified. She got mad when I reminded her, and then got even madder at me when I found out how much I now owed because of her (almost $1000, which she claimed was only that amount because of fees and additional charges), and I told her how much it was.
I found out that she hadn’t made a payment since February, and it was already December. I politely asked her to pay it off, and she blew up at me. I knew that she was having financial trouble, so I hadn’t been very aggressive in reminding her or asking her about it.
Then she held items she paid for over my head, claiming that she should have taken them away to pay the card off.
Later, she offered to pay only a partial amount to the card company and hoped that they would forgive the remainder. I went to my aunt for advice and stayed with her because my mother said she didn’t want me to come home.
She offered to pay off the full amount on the card, and I accepted. Now, my mother is even more mad at me because the family is aware of what she did. She is also claiming that I don’t care about her because of my actions.”
Another User Comments:
“Call the credit card company and tell them your mother opened the account in your name. I’m guessing it had nothing to do with giving you the option of a credit card and everything to do with the fact that she has been denied credit cards because of a lousy credit rating.
If she’s buying non-essentials on the card, that means she’s short of cash because she has terrible spending habits. If you do nothing, you’ll wait a long time to get another card that YOU want. You’ve already got a crappy credit rating without buying anything.” chickendelish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your mom is a criminal; she’s a thief, a liar, and a manipulative, unpleasant person. This is based on her actions; I’m sure the reality of her is much worse. Anybody who says families come first is usually coming to screw you over, just like your mom.
And even though she’s your mom, she’s not to be trusted and she’s not a decent human. I would cut her off 100%. Also, be sure that she ends up getting charged for financial crimes. Your aunt, on the other hand, is a perfectly decent person who has offered you a place to live and helped you out because she knew that credit in your name—no matter who ran it up—was bad.
Cancel those cards and put a freeze on all of your credit lines and accounts. Call them and tell them that you do not want any more credit to be opened. Since your mother has already opened financial accounts in your name, she can do that again at any time without your knowledge and put you into even more harm.
You must get her charged. You must get all those credit cards canceled, and you’ve got to lock down your credit card information along with freezing those credit accounts. Just look up how to freeze a credit account; there are lots of directions online.” R0ck3tSc13nc3
Another User Comments:
“My mom did this to me when I was 18. The same exact thing happened, too – she took out a credit card in my name without telling me, maxed it out, and didn’t make any payments. By the time I found out about it a year later, the damage was done.
I couldn’t get a student loan to pay for college, which led to me having to drop out. She lied to my grandparents about what happened, so they refused to cosign a new loan that would help me get back into school. It took me years to climb out of the hole she put me in and rebuild my credit.
I lost my whole family because of it and was forced to live in my car for a month when they threw me out of the house because of the lies my mother told. It’s been over two decades now, and we still don’t get along or talk.
She went from being my best friend to the person I like least in this world.
My advice: call the credit card company, explain what happened, and see if they will consider retracting any negative reports they sent to the credit bureaus about you. They may require a police report to do that, though, which means you will have a hard decision to make.
If you file, your mom may go to jail, and you will forever lose that relationship. If you don’t, it will take years to undo that damage. While you do that, also lock your credit, sign up for regular credit monitoring reports, utilize Credit Karma to keep you updated on your credit usage, and never, ever loan your mother money or trust her with any of your financial information.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Bless your aunt for being there for you.” Final_Escape_6884
9. AITJ For Refusing To Buy My In-Laws A New Couch?
“I (40F) have been married to my husband (42M) for almost 3 years. So, here’s the situation: my in-laws bought a couch for their TV room. Nothing I would have bought, but we all have our own style. Allegedly, my dog scratched the bottom of the couch.
Since it’s on the bottom, it couldn’t be seen. Fast forward later, and my husband’s friend needed furniture, so she gave it to him.
Now, currently in our TV room is their other couch (all of their furniture is in there because they are completely redoing their TV room, which is a whole other story).
This morning, I asked my husband if they would like their couch back, as I would rather purchase our own. He got mad, asking, “Why would they want their broken couch back?” (One of the recliners doesn’t recline and never has since it’s been there.
We didn’t break it).
Since I make decent money, I end up paying for a lot—more than I should have to. It probably sounds like this is just a wild assumption of mine, but I know my husband, and the way he’s been talking lately, I know he wants me to buy them a couch.
My mom always taught me to “pick my battles.” I rarely even stand up for myself (something I’m working on getting into therapy for). WIBTJ if I stand my ground and refuse to buy them a couch? They can have all of their original furniture back.”
Another User Comments:
“This just gets more confusing with every comment OP makes. There are several issues I see, but one solution for them all. Get your own place. You shouldn’t be living in their house. You shouldn’t be tolerating a husband who doesn’t contribute and expects what you earn to be spent on his parents.” Human-Jacket8971
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, for now. You all live together…yet they expect you to foot the bill entirely for a new couch that I assume they will be picking. They also aren’t outright being adults and, using their words, it seems like you’re leaving it out.
Is it their home or yours? What is the damage on the couch? Could you find a furniture repair company that could fix it? I would look into someone fixing it before I would foot the bill for an entirely new couch if it’s easily repaired. Sounds like they are just trying to get something new on your dime, but I don’t really know the full damage.
You said they were redoing their TV room, which is why that thought comes up. ETA: reread, and there are two different couches? One that was allegedly damaged by the dog and was already given to a friend, and the other where the recliner doesn’t work and this is the couch they want replaced?
Is that correct? If so, I would definitely not replace the couch if you had no part in it being damaged.” AddressPowerful516
Another User Comments:
“INFO: What is the reason you all live together? Do your in-laws need financial help? Do you and your husband need their financial support?
I’m failing to see why your MIL gave away a perfectly good couch (I am calling nonsense on the dog scratch). Sounds like MIL wants to redecorate, but finance those costs on your dime. If my husband wanted to buy his mom a new couch, that wouldn’t come from joint funds.
He’s free to do whatever he wants with his fun money. Further info: Why are you paying more than you have to? Does your husband work full-time? I don’t think you have a couch issue. But before I give a judgment, I feel more information is needed.” olive32022
8. AITJ For Parking In An Unmarked Handicapped Space?
“Last night I went out to dinner, and when I got to the restaurant, I found a carpark right by the front door.
I went in and joined my friend for dinner, and all was well until it came time to leave.
I returned to my car to find three people waiting by it, one of whom was using a walking stick. They asked if it was my car, and when I said yes, they accused me of parking in a handicapped space.
I told them there must be a mistake, as there was no signage or marking on the ground to indicate it was a handicapped space.
To prove my point, I got in and backed my car up. If it was indeed a handicapped space, then the paint on the ground would have faded and been unrecognizable (especially at night).
They replied that the spot had always been reserved parking, even before the building was used as a restaurant.
If it was clearly evident that it was a handicapped space, I certainly would never have parked there. But AITJ for parking in an unmarked space?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It actually happened to me once with an ‘unmarked’ mother and baby space. A woman with a pram went off on me when I came back to my car, but it turned out it was just a regular space someone had spilled mustard on (I guess she saw the yellow under my car and assumed?).
I still don’t know why they were so mad they WAITED in the car park after they found a space to yell about it; it wasn’t even a great space (catty-cornered behind a pillar, right at the ramp where people drove up, not close to the entrance!).
But then people used to yell at me when I parked in disabled spots (for my granny! Who had a badge) and they saw me looking able-bodied as I got in the car. Some people just like the smell of their own self-righteousness?” bubbleteabob
Another User Comments:
“I took my 94-year-old friend to a place in Napa. There was a handicapped space, and I put up my placard. The hotel put up a sign that it was just for check-in. That means they nullified the handicap ADA laws. When we got out, a guy in a uniform of sorts started to give me crap.
I read the rulebook when I got my placard. He was not a jerk about it. The sad part is the restaurant had changed owners, and I didn’t like it before, but old Bud wanted to eat there. OP was not the jerk, but the restaurant owner was.” Technical_Goat1840
Another User Comments:
“It was snowing one night, but I made a run to the handy nearby 24-hour CVS for supplies. There were maybe four cars in the lot that could hold hundreds of cars. I did my shopping, came out, and there was a note on my windshield because apparently, I unknowingly parked in a handicapped spot (the snow had covered any paint).
IN A LOT WITH 5 CARS at that point!!! There were still a ridiculous number of spots even closer to the door than the one I took. Some people just have to complain and be right, I guess. NTJ.” 2dogslife
7. AITJ For Asking My Brother To Step Up For Mom's Dementia Care?
“For the last four years, I have been supplementing my mother’s care.
She is 73 and has dementia. She is on Medicaid and does receive some home care services; what Medicaid does not cover, I cover myself. So currently, she does have 24/7 care. This arrangement has worked out for around four years now, but I was recently offered a life-altering opportunity, and I am strongly considering taking it.
Our mother lives with me, and my brother lives in the same state.
I spoke with my brother and asked, since I know he cannot contribute financially, could he contribute his time? I found a wonderful, high-end memory care facility located near the apartment where my mom and I lived together.
I am trying to keep her near what she remembers and other familiar things. I just asked if he would be willing to perhaps have lunch with Mom and check in on her. The memory care facility is located in Manhattan, and my brother lives on Staten Island.
My brother told me that he does not think he can visit often enough for it to be meaningful. I asked if our SIL could do it when the kids are in school. I offered to cover gas and E-ZPass.
He told me now, and that I am a jerk for pushing the issue.
I asked, “How am I being a jerk while trying to keep Mom comfortable?” He asked, “Why don’t you take her with you?” I told him, “How do you expect our mom to handle a flight, let alone move from NY to Europe?” That is when he told me that since I took on the role of taking care of our mom, I have to figure it out.
I mean, I know my brother has beef with me because I am part of the reason my parents could not save. We had to sell our house and move three times because of issues I caused in school. I tried to explain, “Do it for our mom, not for me.””
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking your brother to take an active role in your mother’s care. Maybe he’s avoidant because he’s uncomfortable with her decline, he doesn’t know how to deal with it, and would rather tell himself that she’s fine because he doesn’t see her in her current state.
I’m going to say NTJ for asking about the wife as well. I imagine she knows your mother too, so she would be another option for human contact. Also, NTJ for choosing not to uproot her and bring her across the world to a new country.
Having had some experience with dementia patients, that’s a terrible idea. The question for you is whether you want to put this opportunity off and choose to spend your time here with your mother. That’s a hard question to answer. I will say that some of the advanced memory clinics can be better for patients than in-home care.
They have more social opportunities, more therapy opportunities, and often have easier and quicker access to medical care. Good luck to you, whatever you decide.” JennyM8675309
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking your brother to step up. At this point, the dementia supersedes any inability to save for retirement.
Dementia is a beast. I care for my grandmother, who lives with me, and she has it, although not as advanced as your mom. Just wow. You are 100% correct—she needs familiarity around her, and your brother is that. I do think you should take that opportunity in Europe, and I feel your brother should step up.
His resentment against you is irrelevant at this point. You will continue to pay so he doesn’t have to. I suspect he just doesn’t want to take the time to see her. It’s hard to see someone you’ve known all your life lose themselves—I get it.
But familiarity and routine are so vital. Dementia is a 100% fatal disease. Your mom doesn’t have much time. Your brother needs to understand that. It’s not about you; it’s about her. You are correct.” goldenfingernails
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m an RN who works in LTC with a lot of dementia patients, and my advice for you is that regardless of what anyone else will or won’t do, you need to take the opportunity presented to you.
Dementia is a terrible illness and only progresses; sooner rather than later, your mom will require a level of care that you just won’t be able to provide at home without giving up your own life entirely. Place her now while you can still have meaningful visits and settle her in.
Do not feel guilty about putting her in a home—it’s truly for the best. I tell my dementia families, who ask me how I deal with it every day, that I have cooks, laundry, CNAs, drivers, a social worker, PT and OT, activities—and most importantly, I get to go home at the end of my shift and someone else takes over.
You cannot do this yourself. Take the opportunity—think about what you would want your own child to do if you were the one needing care.” Jbeth74
6. AITJ For Calling Out A Fake Rap Fan In Class?
“I’m 16F, living in a small Balkan country, and I really like to listen to rap, especially older artists: Eminem, 2Pac, Biggie, and Dr. Dre.
Eminem’s really important for me; he got me into rap, and I even got his new vinyl this Christmas. Rap isn’t too popular here, or at least that’s what it seems like, or maybe I don’t go out with the right people.
I had this girl in my class who listened to a lot of rap music too, and she usually wore graphic T-shirts of rappers, claiming to be a “super fan” and a “Stan.” We are on okay terms, but not really friends—we had clashing personalities, though we did have a lot of fun on school trips.
She often tries to rival me in discussions and sometimes acts passive-aggressive when we happen to be around the same group of guys we both hang out with. A few days ago, some classmates brought up the Ja Rule vs. Eminem beef, and since they did not know what it was about, they asked me to explain.
As I was explaining to them why Eminem was extra angry with Ja Rule (telling them that Ja had dissed his daughter Hailie on the song Loose Change), this chick cut me off, claiming Ja never said anything about Hailie and called me a “fake fan.” I tried to correct her, but she just wouldn’t let it go.
So, exasperated, I played for her the part of Loose Change where Ja clearly mentions Hailie. By this time, the whole class was watching us, so I told her that she was the one who didn’t know what she was talking about and was the real “fake fan.” She got visibly upset and left the room.
Later, after school, I heard she was telling people that I embarrassed her in front of the whole class. She’s more popular than me, and now people are messaging me saying I was too harsh and should apologize. I don’t feel like I was mean—I just corrected her with proof when she was trying to mock me publicly.
AITJ? If I was out of line, I’ll apologize, but I don’t think I did anything wrong here.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Please don’t call anyone a fake fan just because they don’t have a lot of knowledge about a subject. A lot of people are fans of e.g. the music but don’t care about all the gossip or the personal lives of the artists.
It’s like sports fans being dismissed as fans if they don’t know the results of a match from 2005.” Frifelt
Another User Comments:
“ESH – I get the urge to want to be right, especially when someone corrects you. But there’s a way to do it gently and gracefully.
No need for either of you to call each other a ‘fake fan’. I’m sure she loves rap every bit as much as you do, even if she doesn’t know every detail of a rap beef from before you were probably born. It sucks to be told you’re wrong in front of a lot of people.
I can understand why both escalated this situation. And I can understand why she’s hurt because it’s really painful to find out you actually are wrong in front of a big crowd. Neither of you handled this maturely. But both of your reactions to each other’s immature actions make sense.
Music, movies, fashion, literature, and art all exist to help us build community. Shared interests are a way to find yourself and find your people. But when you meet your people and push them away because they got one small thing wrong you’re undermining one of the purposes of art.
When we push someone away and call them a fake fan we are ‘gatekeeping’. Gatekeepers try to stop anyone who doesn’t know the same things they know from becoming a part of a community. You’re both trying to do that to each other. And when there are two people who like hip hop at your school, you’re making sure community won’t happen.
Instead of having a friend you can talk about hip-hop with and share knowledge with, you both have a rival. And that sucks for both of you. I’d encourage you to try to mend the broken bridge. Apologize to her for calling her a ‘fake fan’ and tell her that you didn’t appreciate her saying that either.
Tell her what hip hop means to you and that you understand it means a lot to her too. From there, the ball is in her court.” Sudden_File4569
Another User Comments:
“This definitely sounds like something 16-year-olds would get into an argument about. You both sound young.
I think I’ll lean NTJ, although I was originally going to say ESH. The reason I’ll say NTJ is this line specifically: “since they did not know what it was about, they asked me to explain.” This is the ONLY reason why you are not getting ESH from me.
You were explicitly asked to explain. If you had not been explicitly asked to explain, you would have gotten ESH, because it was in front of the entire class. She was being rude for trying to cut you off, and you doubled down in response.
But because people asked for your expertise on something you clearly knew about and this person got caught in their own lack of knowledge, that’s on them and that’s how the world works when you bluff.” montag98
5. AITJ For Preventing My Overbearing Mom From Visiting My Hospital Room?
“I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant with my first child. I have a loving husband who fully supports me and understands my preferences for labor. I’m currently putting together my birth plan and have decided that I don’t want visitors coming to the hospital.
My mom is insisting that she be at the hospital in the waiting room while I’m in labor and then be allowed to come in after the birth to meet her grandchild. My mom and dad are already grandparents to my nephew who lives 5+ hours away.
This is their first grandchild that’s in the same city as them. My dad and in-laws have already agreed to respect my decision not to have visitors at the hospital.
My mom is the A-typical mama bear, and things must be her way. She’s been going on about how I can’t keep her grandchild away from her and how cruel I’m being to the grandmothers.
(My mother-in-law fully respects my decision not to have visitors.) My mom continues not to acknowledge my choice in my birth plan and recovery plan. I’ve given her the option to come visit when we get home from the hospital, where I’ll be more comfortable.
She continues to tell me how mean and rude I’m being by telling her ahead of time that she can’t go. She continues to say how she’ll track my iPhone to see my location. If I’m at the hospital, she’ll be on her way.
When I brought up the hospital’s visitors policy and told her they would restrict access, she countered with “Good thing I’m a pastoral caregiver.” This means she can be there past visiting hours.
I’m very frustrated with the situation. Am I being the jerk by telling her no, thank you?
I don’t want visitors after my labor?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have some harsh truths for you: Your mom isn’t a type A momma bear; she is an attention-seeking, controlling, and manipulative woman who is making the birth of your child about her and her feelings and needs.
See how your MIL responded with respect? That’s normal. Your mom having a grandkid far away doesn’t excuse this behavior. If anything, it just delayed seeing this type of behavior. Taking her grandkid away because she isn’t at the hospital to meet the baby as soon as they’re born?
I’m sorry, but that’s not normal. Telling you that she will track your location is insane, and also you need to stop sharing your location with both your parents. Telling you she will be able to get in through hospital security? Honestly, you are underreacting.
I would tell my mother that if she tracks your location and shows up at all after the birth, then she will find out exactly what it’s like to have her grandbaby taken away. This is a preview of what’s to come with your mom; just wait.
Boundaries and consequences for actions need to start immediately. I’m sure your sibling is grateful to be 5 hours away.” McflyThrowaway01
Another User Comments:
“Definitely remove her from Find My iPhone… My mom only gets my location when I’m out hiking with my husband, so someone knows where to start looking if we fall in a ravine or whatever.
She clearly can’t be trusted with that information, so I would take it away from her and make it a practice to stop answering your phone when she calls and wait hours or days to call her back (so she can’t suss out that you’re at the hospital), and yes, definitely tell your hospital you have someone on the do not visit list. It happens ALL the time, sadly.
The labor ward at the hospital is used to playing bouncer against overbearing moms, MILs, ex-partners, or whoever wants to show up uninvited to YOUR hospital room.” Errvalunia
Another User Comments:
“Just turn off the tracking she has on you. The ONLY person who needs to know your whereabouts is your husband.
Don’t tell ANYONE when you go into labor. Call MIL and your dad afterward. Also tell them that they are not to tell your mom, as she is now on an information diet (which should continue to be going forward). Take a photo of all 3 of your hands (you, DH & LO) and announce your baby’s arrival, and post it as you are being released from the hospital. This is also a way to keep her from stealing your baby’s photo and plastering it all over SM!
That way she can’t announce your baby’s arrival before you and without your permission. And when she goes straight to the hospital, you will be gone! Win/win! Good luck.” Grouchy-Storm-6758
4. AITJ For Confronting An Intrusive Man In My Favorite Coffee Shop?
“I (22f) was doing some work at a coffee shop this morning. The seating at the cafe was these small circle-shaped tables, each with two chairs, and each arrangement was placed pretty tightly together. I had already clearly set up all my stuff and was busy answering emails on my laptop.
At the table behind me was this older man, but there was an empty seat right behind my back. This guy walks in, who seems to be a coworker or something of the guy behind me, and asks me if I can move. Mind you, this is at 8 a.m., and there’s clearly a bunch of other empty seats in the cafe.
He asks me this, and before I can respond, he picks up my table himself and says, “You have all this room to move it.” I panicked because I felt that he had invaded my personal space, and I stood up and raised my voice, saying, “You didn’t have to move it; I would’ve done it myself if you asked nicely.”
At this point, the cafe goes silent, and even the baristas are looking; the guy is defending himself, telling me, “He was just trying to do it for me.”
A little later, he ends up moving to a different table after more of his work buddies come.
But he eventually sits back down again in the seat behind me and is noticeably pushing my chair while we’re back to back. After a few minutes of this, I got upset, and pushed my chair against his before packing my crap up and leaving.
AITJ? I don’t know if I’m overthinking it, but I’m also a smaller Asian female, and he was a lot older than me and bigger. I’m just upset because this is my favorite coffee shop too, and I’ve never had something happen like this there.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like he’s some kind of weirdo intentionally trying to get into your space. Probably rather than getting upset, it would have made sense to just move to another spot, preferably in front of the bar. If he follows, you’d then be in a good position to call him out, either by loudly saying something like “Sir, you’ve got the whole place to sit, you can’t be following me around,” or by quietly telling the barista that he’s following you.
Don’t feel bad about your size. I’m a big guy, and I was in a Starbucks a while back when a very odd guy got right up in my space, staring while I was in line. I didn’t move, I didn’t back off. But he kept doing it to others, and the staff called the cops, who threw him out.
Some people just aren’t normal.” Cjack66
Another User Comments:
“This is hardly a scene. Do not worry about returning to your favorite coffee shop. It was out of line to move your table. It was intimidating and perhaps scary. Strange men don’t understand how we’re immediately cautious in their presence.
This is especially true if they consider themselves to be a “good guy.” But this wasn’t a good guy. Look at how he tried to harass you by repeatedly pushing his chair into yours. I’m sorry he made you feel uncomfortable in what had previously been a safe space.
You are definitely NTJ.” Aware_Welcome_8866
Another User Comments:
“I had a scene at the local Costa yesterday. A lad was sitting at a table, with his feet on the chair and nothing in front of him. He wasn’t causing any harm, and I didn’t think much of it.
He dropped his lighter, and as he was on his phone, listening to music, he didn’t hear it drop. When I approached him to tell him, he got really defensive and angry, got in my face, and started shouting and swearing at me. When he stopped talking, I told him that he’d dropped his lighter.
No thanks, apology, or anything.” HoraceorDoris
3. AITJ For Forcing My Husband To Retreat To The Basement During Drag Race?
“My (f, 35) husband (m, 35) and I live in a relatively small house with one area to watch TV.
We do have an unfinished basement that currently contains an area for working out, an area for doing laundry, and then the rest is storage. For context, I do not work on Fridays, but my husband does. My favorite show is RuPaul’s Drag Race, which airs on Friday nights.
My husband does not like this show, which is his right, and when I watch it, he feels the need to go in the basement for the entire hour and a half that it’s on.
It’s recently caused a lot of contention in our relationship because he feels that he shouldn’t have to be relegated to the basement on Friday nights after he works hard.
This is the only show that I watch when it airs, and I don’t like to record it and watch it later because I don’t want to see spoilers on social media, which are nearly impossible for me to avoid. I just don’t think I’m being unreasonable by wanting to watch one show one night of the week for an hour and a half.
I’m not forcing him to go to the basement; he could easily go into the bedroom instead. Tell me AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you aren’t making him do anything. He’s basically telling you that you can’t watch it without wanting to actually say it.
He can: Suck it up and play on that phone like even toddlers manage when mom is boring. Find a hobby; this is why they exist (I don’t know your situation but Wi‑Fi + Xbox/basic smart TV??). Ask for “him time” as a reciprocation.
He can’t: Say you’re making him leave if you aren’t. Use that falsehood to control you. I can absolutely understand not wanting to watch that show, but any normal person would just go do something else for a little bit, no big deal.” EmperorMrKitty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He chooses to remove himself from the room. He can pop in earbuds and read, go on social media, do any other hobby, etc. He can watch his own show on his phone. My husband watches football on the weekends. I don’t enjoy football.
I sit with him and read. We’re together and close, but not having to communicate and doing our own things.” Sometimesitsamonkey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s an hour and a half. My husband and I spend lots of time together on the couch with our dogs.
If I’m watching a show he’s not interested in, he watches stuff on his phone, and vice versa. Your husband’s issue is the content, as others have suggested. I highly doubt he would shun the TV and hide in the basement if the show were Chicago Med or something else along those lines.” Allthetea159
2. AITJ For Not Punishing My Niece As Hard As Her Bullying Brother?
“I (19F) took a gap year off of university after my first year for my health and also to earn some money.
My aunt (42F) has two children, 11M and 7F, and she asked if I could live with them and help her with childcare, and she pays me for it.
I accepted and have been staying with her and her husband (43M) for a few months now.
Problems started when I realized that my nephew frequently picks on and bullies his younger sister, ripping the heads off her stuffies, breaking her toys, ripping her drawings, etc. He frequently makes fun of her and is overall terrible to her. I have made multiple attempts to stop it by having a heart-to-heart with him, taking away his gadgets, grounding him, etc., but the behavior stops for at most a week before he starts again.
His parents are not much help because my aunt is always tired; she works a demanding job and, when she comes home, cleans up around the house and makes dinner. My uncle comes back from work and doesn’t contribute to the house chores in any way, and when I brought up taking my nephew to therapy, he dismissed it as “pseudoscience.” He is very averse to therapy.
Now, where the issue started is when I overheard my niece and nephew fighting again, and I immediately assumed he had started something and asked him to please give his sister a break. I learned that his sister was the cause of the fight this time; she poured water on his Nintendo Switch, damaging it.
I apologized for blaming him and pulled her aside to ask her why she did it, as she is not the type to do that. She said that she wanted her brother to stop picking on her and that she wanted to get back at him.
My uncle came home and said that I should give her the same punishment as his son to be fair, and he was angry that I only made her write an apology letter to him instead of grounding her or taking away her tablet.
I don’t believe it’s fair to punish her the same way for her first offense, but he said that I was picking favorites and that he could see I was biased. So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your niece was acting in self-defense and has shown MULTIPLE signs that she’s annoyed with what her brother’s doing. You definitely made the right call. Maybe try letting the aunt and uncle know that she did it cause she was fed up.
I don’t think she was doing it to bully her brother, only to show she’s not gonna take it anymore.” Ill-Efficiency-1069
Another User Comments:
“No, NTJ, but this whole situation sounds like one that has multiple issues that you can’t possibly address.
These behaviors you describe are pretty clear signs of massive stress in kids. Having present-but-absentee parents who are clearly entirely out of touch with their kids (if not openly hostile to obvious and widely accepted strategies to help kids with such things) is not going away, so there’s not much you’re going to be able to do here.
I would further worry for your own mental health over time. I know that they’re family, but it might be time to step back from these parents and let them find a path forward to care for their kids. I know that that might sound calloused, but if you drown with them, figuratively, you might not be able to be your niblings to help when they get older.” Gogogrl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ (but not necessarily right either). They shouldn’t have the same punishment because they aren’t the same person (different things work for different kids) and there is also a big difference in their ages. But you are so wrong to go into any situation like that assuming one is to blame or that this is the first time she started it.
My stepdaughter looks like an angel (especially when she was little) and she could convince anyone that they just walked up and slapped her in the face. You would seriously start second-guessing your sanity. She’s so good at it too. Can’t tell you how long I had been punishing our kid thinking it was her.
Even after we started catching on, we would still fall for it. It’s insane. But as the little girl gets older and wiser, it’s only natural for her to dish it back out. And she should get a reasonable punishment when she does.” Usual_Bumblebee_8274
1. AITJ For Hiding My Expensive Shampoo And Conditioner From My Roommate's Guest?
“I (28F) share an apartment with my friend (34M). Last weekend, while we were away, he invited his female friend (Sarah) to stay over. When we got back, I noticed she had used most of my shampoo and conditioner without asking. I had splurged on these expensive products to treat myself.
I also make a lot less money than my friend.
Today, Sarah came over again for a visit and asked to shower at ours before heading to a dance class. However, I had taken my expensive products to my room this time, leaving only my friend’s basic shampoo out for her to use.
When she couldn’t find the conditioner, she asked my friend, who came to my room to ask me about it. I told him that she’s his guest, and it’s not my responsibility to provide spa products for her. My friend got mad and thinks I’m rude and petty.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I have lived with people who I don’t trust to not use my stuff, and have had to only bring my stuff to the shower when I’m actively using it. It’s a horrible feeling to feel like your personal property is not being respected. No one should have to be stressed/paranoid about their personal belongings being stolen in their own home.
Both of them should know what happened and one of them SHOULD offer to repay the loss in some way. It’s ridiculous that she complained about products she has no ownership of missing from the shower. It’s not rude or petty of you. She’s the rude one for not only disrespecting personal property but then pushing about it when it was no longer present in the shower.
Utterly ridiculous to the point that I wish I found this difficult to believe. Because of my own experience, I believe this and also am getting annoyed for you. I’d recommend making sure that none of your other property, such as food and drink, is being effectively stolen.
Also if she needs to use shampoo/conditioner, she needs to bring her own, or the roommate needs to provide it. Unfortunately, I’d suggest not putting your stuff back in the shower.” piamettes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your things, your rules. Your friend likely doesn’t know that they are expensive products, however, it’s definitely a jerk move of his guest to use a large quantity of expensive products.
They’re a gift to yourself and you get to dictate how they are used. If this friend may be coming over a lot in the future, you could send your roommate some links to these products online so he understands their value and can choose to supply her with them if he pleases.” Effective_Purple601
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had the same problem with a roommate’s partner who visited every weekend. I had a braid down to my waist and somehow this guy with ear-length hair was using up almost as much of my expensive leave-in conditioner as I did.
It was literally my only expensive beauty product. Everything else came straight from K-mart, but this was the only stuff that kept my curls under control. He had the nerve to complain when I started using a shower caddy to tote all my stuff back and forth from the shared bathroom.
When users like this get used to taking your stuff, they get very entitled about it very quickly. Nipping this in the bud early on was a smart move. It’ll save you a ton of frustration and money if they get the message that your stuff is not a free-for-all as soon as possible.” Original-Dot4853
