People Seek Support For Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
26. AITJ For Being Too Busy To Take On More Parenting Responsibilities?
“I (27M) am a surgical resident. My partner (27F) was a teacher but is currently a stay-at-home mother to our newborn child.
We met in college and have been together for just over 7 years now. Last year she took a pregnancy test after missing her period and found out she was pregnant. We were both happy, but also concerned about taking care of a child. My main concern when we found out was that I could not help out with the child because I work 80-100 hours a week.
However, we both love each other and did want a family, so in the end we decided to keep the child and that she would take time off of work while I was completing my residency and take care of the kid. I would complete my residency and then, after having somewhat more humane hours would obviously split child-caring duties equally with her so that she can also return to work.
It’s been 3 months since our kid was born now and things have been rough, to say the least. I’m still working nearly 100 hours a week and am constantly on the brink of exhaustion, if anything my workload has increased since then, as I am now learning how to perform larger operations.
My sleep is almost non-existent and I’m constantly under intense pressure due to my work environment. Things have obviously been rough for her, too. The pregnancy and delivery were without complication, but it goes without saying that it was still hugely taxing on her mentally and physically.
Recently, my partner has been asking me to take care of our kid when I get home. Initially, I helped her without hesitation, feeling like it was within my capacity and wanting to support her, but in the past few weeks, she’s been asking more and more of me and a few days ago she demanded I take care of our kid immediately as I walked into the door.
I hadn’t even had time to take off my shoes yet and when I said ‘Just give me a second’ she told me to ‘hurry up.’ I later learned that she had an incredibly rough day and was just at capacity, but in the moment I was so caught off guard I yelled at her to back off.
I was too exhausted to deal with it then so I locked myself in the bathroom to take a long shower and calm down.
We later talked about what had happened and apologized to each other, but during it, she essentially told me that she felt like I wasn’t doing enough to take care of the kid and that it was our responsibility equally.
I told her that I felt like I was already doing more than we agreed on and that I could literally not do any more than what I am currently doing.
After talking and arguing about this for about 2 hours we still couldn’t come to an agreement and decided to leave the topic for now.
So am I the jerk for not wanting to take on a larger parenting role during residency? Friends I’ve talked to seem split on the matter.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
This is a case of two people drowning and arguing over who has their heads up out of the water a few inches more than the other.
You have a newborn, are working 100 hours a week, and a wife who is most likely so overwhelmed she can’t see straight. Both of you are sleep-deprived and not in your right mind.
What you need is HELP. I don’t care who said they would do what before the baby came, it’s here now and it’s not what either of you expected. It’s time to start from scratch and use your limited energy to find solutions to give you both reprieve.” homemakinghedgewitch
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – You’re both exhausted and pushed to your limits. Snaps like this are going to happen. As long as you apologize afterward and try to see things from the other point of view and remember you love each other, you’ll be fine.
Things will get better, you have to tough it out. Can you hire help? Get family or friends to help out a little? When I was a baby my mom’s best friend took care of me a day or two a week and she’s still considered my Aunt to this day.
Don’t know what your support system is, but you seem to need to leverage it a little more.” Sneaky__Fox85
25. AITJ For Not Inviting My Overweight Brother-In-Law To Our Dinner Party?
“This last week, my wife and I just finished a major project to redo our entire dining room. This included buying an incredibly fancy marble dining table and new dining chairs. My wife is a professional chef and has dreamed since she was a child of having a high-end dining room to host dinner parties in.
This project has been one that’s been on the back burner for a while now, and last year I got an unexpected bonus that I decided to use to make this dream a reality.
Suffice it to say, my wife is over the moon. To celebrate this, her parents and my parents, my 2 siblings, and my brother’s wife are coming over for the dinner party my wife has dreamed of hosting since she was a child.
This is all of our immediate family, except for my wife’s only sibling, her sister, and her husband. The reason for this is simple, my brother-in-law physically cannot attend the party as we have planned.
My brother-in-law is 500+ pounds. To avoid the whole ‘fat shaming’ conversation that I know this will bring up, I’ll talk about why we didn’t invite him.
The chairs that we bought cannot support him, and even then he is unable to sit upright due to his weight for long periods of time. He would be required to either sit in our living room on the couch or to sit in a medical chair that we cannot get into our home (it will not fit through our doors.) His sitting in there would literally defeat the point of hosting a dinner party for our new dining room.
There’s also the fact that this dinner party would consist of 7 smaller courses, something we know my brother-in-law would not be okay with (there have been incidents in the past where he harassed my wife over serving smaller portions in the past. This goes into a larger issue with him and food that I’m not going to bring up because I don’t feel like arguing about it.)
With all of this in mind, when we sent out the invites we excluded him from the list, but not her sister. When he called asking last night as to why he was not invited I did not lie to him, it was because of his weight and past actions regarding food and my wife.
He lost his mind because we were excluding him because of his weight. He said this is unfair and that we are being bigots. I told him yes, this is about his weight. That this night is about my wife and being able to fulfill a childhood dream, not about accommodating him and his mobility and food issues.
This has caused chaos. My wife’s sister is now calling me a fatphobic jerk and has gone on social media and publicly shamed me and my wife. While my wife and everyone attending the party had told me that we should just ignore it. My friends have told me that I am a major jerk and an elitist for all this.”
Another User Comments:
“As someone who is well overweight, I don’t see any of this as fatphobic. You CLEARLY state the chairs won’t support him, something I’ve come across in my own life and know it’s a factor out of people’s hands. I’ve broken a chair or two and it’s embarrassing.
I WISH someone had the decency to be like that chair isn’t going to support you, instead of just letting the chips (and butt) fall where they may. As for him COMPLAINING ABOUT PORTIONS, that’s rude. Eat as much as you want at home, but if you’re at someone else’s house, you eat what you’re given and if there’s more, ask for more POLITELY.
If it wasn’t clear, NTJ. Good luck my dude, and ignore the social media nonsense. Congratulations to your wife and you on your new dining room. I hope she enjoys it.” sapphirecupcake8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His weight unfortunately does not allow him to participate in this event, and while it sucks he is excluded, the reality of the event is that he cannot attend it as planned. Special accommodation would have to be made that would change the entirety and the purpose of the event.” RideTheWindForever
24. AITJ For How I Reacted To My Husband's Disgusting Habit?
“My husband has this habit of putting his dirty socks and undergarments between our pillows and sometimes actually under my pillow.
In addition, he keeps a hand towel nearby him that I’ve labeled as the ‘sneeze towel’. I’ve never known anyone to sneeze while dead asleep but he does and he uses this hand towel like a handkerchief.
It’s all gross to me.
I hate it. I hate lying down, reaching up to put my hand under my pillow only to feel dirty socks and undergarments and a sneeze towel. Instinctively, I pick them up with as little of my skin touching the item as possible, and I throw it across the bed to his side.
At the moment, I didn’t care where it landed. I just want it away from me. I want it far enough away from me that it doesn’t accidentally make its way back near me until the next time he purposely puts it there.
I’ve asked many times for him not to put these items anywhere near my pillow.
I joked about it, I yelled about it, I’ve asked nicely, I’ve asked not so nicely. I’ve tried moving them onto his pillow. I’ve tried just moving them to the laundry without saying anything. It’s been 28 years. Twenty. Eight. Years.
It’s not a nightly occurrence but frequent enough that 28 years in and many conversations later, it should never be an occurrence. However, it comes up again today because at 3:30 this AM, I made my way to bed only to find these items beneath my pillow once again.
And once again, in the dark of night, I launched them across the bed with no regard to where they landed. Then this morning see there’s an undergarment hanging from the bedside lamp. So we’re once again discussing it and he tells me that I have rage for him in my heart over this issue and I’m a jerk.
I disagree. I have utter disgust for this issue that continues to happen after repeated requests to stop.
So now I ask, AITJ for reacting in disgust to dirty socks, undergarments, and a sneeze towel in my personal sleeping space?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I commend you for putting up with this for 28 years, and I ask WHY HAVE YOU PUT UP WITH THIS FOR 28 YEARS?
That’s just disgusting. Does he not have a laundry hamper?
He really should get some counseling or talk to a doctor about this as it’s not only a physical health concern, but mental health as well. At the very least, YOU should talk to a doctor too because I’d see this as a health concern for you as well.” WhizGidget
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What you are describing is unsanitary and aesthetically disgusting. The fact that he’s continued to inflict this on you after so many conversations and arguments is quite hostile on his part.
I submit that you have been saintly about this because you have not yet had to try to explain to a coroner or cop how he came to have a dirty sock lodged in his throat and a pair of his own skivvies in his rectum.
Any rage you might feel is completely justified.” rapt2right
23. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Get A Job Or Do Housework?
“My wife and I had our first child two years ago, a beautiful little girl. My wife and I agreed that her being a stay-at-home mom was worth it, and I could sustain the household on my income. I started to notice about a year in she was getting overwhelmed and asked what I could do to help.
She claimed to be fine, but I started to price around childcare options. Spoke with friends, family, and colleagues looking for any suggestions, recommendations, and resources. That is when my boss told me our job has childcare benefits.
Awesome! I started the paperwork, got the approval, and got put on a waitlist. I brought it up with my wife, we toured the place with our daughter, and she loved it.
About 4 months a spot opened up, and our daughter is now in daycare. It is run in the same office building I work at, so it is super convenient, I drop her off when I head to work and pick her up when I leave.
Perfect!
Here is where the issue arrives, my wife is not doing anything. We split the household chores. That is how it was in my family growing up and I find cleaning and cooking relaxing. So I am fine with it. That being said my wife has not done much with her day since our daughter started daycare.
I understand adjustments take time, that being said the original agreement was for her to be a stay-at-home mom, with our daughter in daycare. Not being rude staying home to be a mom is not happening. I brought up the million-dollar question ‘When are you going back to work?’
This may have been a miscalculation on my part, but I figured I was in this deep let’s see it to the end. She gave me a glare of death and tried to change the subject. I kindly interjected, not trying to push but practically speaking I told her that she has no excuse to not be working.
This was my tactical error. She blew up. Thankfully, during this, our daughter was at my parent’s house so she didn’t hear or see the yelling. We went back and forth using the classic lines from both sides of the camp. She used the ‘good husband provides’ option for wives to stay home.
I said if you want to be then either watch our daughter or do the housework. Your being home is not a free pass to do nothing. She clapped back with your coworkers’ wives stay home and do nothing. I told her I agree but they had had affairs, do you want me to start doing that?
I am sure you can piece together the rest.
The comment about affairs was not a threat, she was using the fact the wives of my coworkers get to be home even though their kids are also in daycare. I pointed out that the husbands were having affairs.
My coworkers’ situation is skewed, they have found it is more beneficial to stay together. We live in a state where spousal support has caps and does not matter how many years you were married before. Husbands stick around cause the status quo is just easier.
It was just to state that is not the life she thinks it is.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is no longer contributing the round the clock child care originally keeping her out of the workforce
It is only natural she re-enter the workforce.
At the very least if you cover child care and are the sole income and do all pick-ups and drop-offs then she should at least do all the household chores.
If she only does half of them then she isn’t really contributing a fair share at all.” Sorry-birthday1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the chores are being split equally you carry more than 75% of the responsibilities of this family. It is not fair to you.
You might feel bad telling her this now, but the resentment will build up and strain your relationship in the future and will become way more complicated if you delay this.” needstobesaved
22. AITJ For Filing A Police Report Against My Neighbor's Son For Trespassing?
“I (26F) live in England. I own my home and understand I am fortunate, but I also worked hard for it.
Any amount I received or earned while working part-time till graduation went into my savings account.
Most people on my street are social housing tenants; I’m still determining what that is, but they’ve explained that you’re eligible for housing if you’re on a low income.
It’s more secure than the private sector as you mostly get assured tenancies even though there are different tenancy types.
For a while, I got on well with my next-door neighbors ‘Emily’ and ‘Ben’. They also have three kids (13M, 9F, 4F), but soon I started experiencing a lot of problems from next door.
I work from home often, and I could hear shouting next door constantly; Ben is 5″11, 145 kg, and quite loud and intimidating, and I could hear their kids screaming and crying. I had to ask them to lower their voices daily, and I even explained that I work from home.
The next set of problems revolved around the 13-year-old son. I spotted their son climbing over a wall to get into my garden to get his football back which at first I ignored. Then after it happened ten times, I finally decided to speak with his parents, and I can’t remember what I said entirely.
Still, it was something like, ‘Hey, I just wanted to have a word as I have seen your son trespass 11 times to get his ball from my garden. I would appreciate it if you could get him to stop as he is trespassing, and if he just came round to the front and knocked on my front door and asked for his ball back I would happily collect it for him.’ The neighbors apologized and said they would make sure their son didn’t do it and knock.
A few days later, their son did it again while I was in my lounge. I walked into my garden, which made him jump, and spoke with him. I told him I’d seen him trespass to collect his ball on various occasions. I told him I had talked with his parents and that trespassing is a crime, and I would appreciate it if he could just come to the front and knock in the future.
He didn’t say anything and just went back into his garden. I informed his parents, and they apologized, but it continued.
I got fed up with it and decided to invest in CCTV finally. I wrote a letter to residents on my road to give them a week’s notice that CCTV is being installed at my address, and it will cover my entire garden and it will also cover my doorway.
I also wrote that I’m getting a ring doorbell camera. After installing CCTV, I thought it would stop the kids from trespassing. It continued. I saved the footage, filed a police report against the son for trespassing, and sent all my evidence to the police.
I knew there was a strong chance that nothing was going to happen but I just wanted the son to have some responsibility.
When my neighbors found out they were really mad at me and since then our relationship soured. My siblings found out about this and think I am a total jerk for this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Legally you aren’t a jerk, but as a neighbor you for sure are. This kid sounds like he has a rough home life and is just getting his ball out of your garden. He probably doesn’t want to talk to any adult in his life at all, much less a guy who keeps complaining about him to his parents.
If he’s not wrecking anything in your garden, YTJ for making his life harder.” Astra_Bear
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
It’s a kid getting his ball back. Chill out. if he’s not causing damage in doing so you’re overreacting.
If he knocked on your door every time he needed the ball back you’d just complain about that too since it would be interrupting your work from home.” terayonjf
21. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister For Being Annoyed When People Say We Look Alike?
“My sister (31F) and I (29F) look alike.
We always have and have continuously received comments our whole lives about it from friends, strangers, and relatives.
As a teenager, my sister made it no secret that this hugely bothered her. While there are reasons for feeling that way that are completely reasonable (e.g. wanting your own identity, not liking being told you look younger), she would never use these when asked, and would usually say things along the lines of ‘I just don’t’, ‘Why do you THINK’ and ‘Don’t make me spell it out’.
I would hear her say to my mom from the other room ‘I just don’t want to look like her’. It hugely affected my confidence, not just because I was being told it would be terrible to look like me, but also because my own sister had no issue making me feel sad (and it was completely obvious what she was trying to imply).
She was always careful to never technically say to my face that she didn’t want to look like me because I was ugly, but it was heavily implied.
I would completely forgive this if she just grew out of it, but she hasn’t, it’s just more subtle.
If we are at a family event and there would be a comment, she’d usually show subtle dissatisfaction, a sigh, tear up a bit, a somber ‘I know’ and then usually go quiet for some time or go to the bathroom for 10 minutes to compose herself.
She also might vent to my mum (that I could hear) ‘I just hate those comments so much’ and sometimes would stare at me a bit, studying my face but then denying it.
Recently, my parents and I sat down with her to tell her that she can’t do that, it’s incredibly rude and we would call her out for such behaviour.
All that looks like is saying ‘That wasn’t cool’ when she does it, this has already had to happen twice. When the comments (that we look alike) are made, I even try to leave the situation or look away to give my sister a chance to deal with it and not feel looked at, etc. I would only call it out if she makes several obvious indications that she’s upset.
My sister is now telling us that we (me especially) are jerks for policing her emotions. She thinks that not wanting to look like a sibling and displaying that is a completely normal thing to do and that the only issue is my insecurity. I think she is either being a jerk deliberately to make me feel worse to feel better about herself or has some psychological issues that need professional help, which my family has offered to help her with her whole life (when discussing this issue).
Am I an insecure jerk for making my sister feel like she is walking on eggshells? Or am I ok to be drawing this boundary?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And to be clear, you aren’t policing her feelings. She’s allowed to feel however she wants, including this weird obsession with not wanting to look like her sister.
You are asking her to police her expressions, to refrain from sharing her feelings in a hurtful manner. You’re asking her to engage in the thinnest veneer of politeness, to stop being explicitly, repeatedly, and knowingly hurtful to you.
That she’s saying she has some kind of right to be as hurtful as she wants, and anything else is walking on eggshells, is deeply, deeply problematic.” KittenSnowMittens
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe next time you hear someone say that that you look the same, pipe up with ‘Fortunately, we have very different personalities’ and practice delivering that line with an appealing smile and wink while she groans and looks sour.
You’re not policing her emotions, but you are trying to police her inappropriate, passive-aggressive, negative behavior toward you.
You have to find some other way to neutralize her behavior because talking to someone about irrational passive aggression goes nowhere.
Your sister sounds like she has sibling resentment and also maybe some toxic narcissism.” rhetorical_twix
20. AITJ For Not Hiding My Beer From My Teen Cousin?
“I’m a 22-year-old guy and this past weekend I needed someone to dog/house-sit for me while I went out of town for the day.
I wanted to go hunting overnight at a spot outside of town with my buddy and I knew I wouldn’t make it back until like 6 or 7 in the morning. My significant other is also staying at her parents’ house right now so there was no one to look after my dog.
I decided to ask my cousin (16M) to come over and dog sit from 7 PM to 6 AM. He was trying to earn money and he’s been responsible in the past. I told him there were sodas and water in the fridge and that we had some leftover food he could eat if he got hungry.
Told him not to do anything stupid like touch my guns, break anything, or leave the dog alone unless it’s in the cage, etc, etc. The basic rundown right?
Well, I got a frantic call at 5 AM during the hunting trip from my cousin’s mom.
Apparently, she went to check on him because he didn’t respond to her call checking up on him and she found him passed out with a beer in his hand. She was angry with me that I ‘let’ him have a beer. I told her that I didn’t and I told him not to do anything dumb while I was gone.
She still thought it was irresponsible for me to just leave booze lying around where he could get it. I argued that it was my house and I shouldn’t have to hide my beer because a stupid teenager decided he wanted to get wasted.
I thought my cousin was responsible and that my warning would be enough, but apparently not.
I’ve had this same cousin help me with stuff before and he’s always been responsible. The beers were also in what was very clearly a beer case in the back of the fridge. They were also beer bottles, so I doubt he drank it on accident or not knowing what it was.
This whole situation is getting blown out of proportion, but I’m thankful my family deals with drama privately. Except for this, I guess. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It was irresponsible of her not to teach her 16-year-old not to steal people’s drinks.
Unless she did, in which case maybe, just maybe, it’s her precious son that’s the jerk.
It’s reasonable for you to believe that a 16-year-old can control himself and know right from wrong. He is not a toddler that you need to baby-proof your whole home for.
At least you know you can no longer trust him.” Dont-trust-it
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If a 16-year-old wants to drink a beer then they are going to drink a beer. This is no different to the kid sneaking down the stairs when mom and dad are asleep, or out; or when he’s at his friend’s house.
Your aunt is wearing rose-tinted glasses if she thinks that this is anyone’s fault but her son’s. It’s best to avoid her for a while because you won’t be able to bring her around.
You are right. She is wrong. But you will never make her see that.” User
19. AITJ For Not Inviting My Ex's Son To Disney?
“I have a son (13M) with my ex-husband. We got divorced because he was having an emotional affair which turned physical, and had a kid with the AP (affair partner), and is a single dad at the moment as the AP left.
My son goes over to his house on weekends, and sometimes his kid comes over to my house because he and my son are somewhat friends, and I don’t really mind.
The problem now is that I’m planning on taking me and my son to Disney as I’ve been saving it up for him.
I believe he should go there at least once in his life to experience it, as well as him having good grades for the whole semester.
I believe that my son must’ve told his half-brother, as my ex-husband called me and asked me what day I was planning to leave and am I driving or him.
I was confused initially, but I realized what he was talking about, and told him that it was just gonna be a trip for me and my son.
He started to get mad and accused me of favoring my son over his half-sibling and trying to be petty for his past actions, and such, and told me I should at least offer for his son to go too.
I told him no, as I wasn’t gonna pay for another plane ticket and other supplies, and that if his son wanted to go, he needed to pay for himself, I hung up before he could say anything else.
Now my son says that his dad was ‘disappointed’ about my decision and to go try to ‘change my mind’ so his half-sibling could have fun too and some other remarks.
My ex and a few of my friends who heard about the situation say I’m a jerk for not letting his brother go on the trip as well and that I’m being selfish and petty, so I’m starting to reconsider everything and just relenting, so I wanted an outside opinion.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘accused me of favoring my son over his half-sibling’
I mean, duh. Only one of them is your kid. Your ex needs to step up and either get his kid to Disney on his dime and his own time or start teaching the lessons he should’ve been teaching all along about blended families being complicated and things sometimes not always working out exactly evenly between all the various households his kids need to shuffle between.
Without vilifying you or putting your son in the middle.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This isn’t your child, it’s your ex’s, who is being a real jerk by involving your minor child in manipulating you to take his kid.
You aren’t responsible for your ex’s child.
If you had the budget and there wasn’t bad b***d, I’d say take him if you want to, but you don’t have the budget and there is bad b***d and you don’t owe a child that isn’t yours a family vacation. His dad can take him if he wants him to go that badly.” User
18. WIBTJ If I Don't Come Home Because Of My Parents' Rules?
“My (21f) brother (20M) has autism and is immunocompromised. This has been hard on our family because my brother is very dependent on my parents and will likely live with them for the rest of his life.
Ever since I started my higher education (August 2019), visiting home has been hard. Currently, I live out of state for my education. I am taking summer classes and am in the last week of school before my finals week. I had planned on coming home for two weeks before I started an internship that would last six months before my mom (49f) called to tell me about the new rules:
- No visiting friends without permission
- Allow my dad (50M) to have full access to my room so he can listen in on my brother in case something goes wrong. (my room is the only room right next to my brother’s)
- Must be in my room from 10:00 pm until 10:00 am to not wake my brother while he is sleeping and have all lights off because the lights distract him.
I know I can reasonably manage with the first and third rules but not being allowed to have privacy in my own room is a big deal for me. I told my mom my issues with it but she says that the rule can not change because my brother has had super high anxiety recently and with my mom needing to put more hours into her job, my dad needs to be able to quickly get access to my brother in case something happens.
My mom told me I would be the jerk because I had already told them I was coming home. However, this was before I knew the rules. I do love my family and miss them dearly but don’t want to follow these rules. So, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it were just 1 and 3 I would say ‘no jerks here’, those are reasonable for the circumstances but I would be able to see why you wouldn’t want to deal with them. Rule 2 is a clear sign of favoritism. There are other solutions, such as the use of baby monitors, that could serve the same function.
They are so hyperfocused on their son’s problems that they are failing to consider how it affects you, or if their solution is an appropriate one.” Free_Ad_7708
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They changed the terms and conditions on you after you’d agreed to come.
You’re well within your rights to bow out. Even given your brother’s special accommodations, these are some really harsh restrictions your parents are putting on you. Any chance you could stay with a friend, or at a hotel, and then mask up and visit from a distance or outdoors so as to not endanger your brother?
(Pretend it’s 2020 again?) to get through this visit, and then problem-solve a more thoughtful compromise for future visits with your parents?” trashpanda44224422
17. AITJ For Supporting My Son's Interests?
“I’m a single father to Michael who just turned 12. My son is not who you would typically imagine when envisioning a preteen boy. He’s a fashionista, very into make-up. His friends are all girls and he won’t touch sports with a 10-foot pole.
And honestly, who cares? He’s happy and staying out of trouble, I think that’s all that matters.
Michael’s mother Daniella does not like a lot of Michael’s interests. She doesn’t say it outright but she does say some passive-aggressive things like how Michael shouldn’t have so many female friends at his age or criticizing me for supporting his more ‘feminine’ interests.
Like I mentioned earlier, Michael just turned 12. Daniella used to throw a party inviting Michael’s class but Michael just finished 6th grade, so that isn’t an option anymore like it was in elementary school.
Michael told me that he wanted to go see the Barbie movie with his friends but that his mom kept insisting against it so he told her that he didn’t want a birthday party anymore.
I know I may be a jerk for this, but I took Michael and his friends and deliberately didn’t tell Daniella about it.
Michael and his friends all had a blast. Like I mentioned earlier, Michael is very into make-up, so for his main present, I got him a Sephora gift card since he loves to go there and I know I probably wouldn’t pick out the right thing.
Daniella ended up calling me a few days ago because she saw the Sephora gift card after Michael pulled out his wallet for something. Michael was honest about the movie birthday and gift card when Daniella asked him about it.
Daniella said we’re supposed to be a team in parenting Michael, and accused me of ‘sending mixed messages’ as a way to spite her by making things with Michael harder for her.
She ended up getting family members and even a few of our mutual friends involved, and most of them were not on my side.
They said there’s nothing wrong with Daniella wanting Michael to ‘branch out’ with more ‘masculine’ interests and they were concerned as Michael has had issues with kids at school wanting to be stupid and even occasional adults wanting to make immature comments.
Anytime I hear about a bullying issue, I talk to Michael’s school and have it shut down. I haven’t heard about any issues from Michael in a while. I’ve always told Michael that if he’s honest to himself then he’ll meet good people and find his place.
These friends and family members accused me of ‘living in Fantasyland’ because as much as we say to just be yourself and ignore bullies, Michael’s starting 7th grade, and bullying will only get worse as the kids become older and stronger, and I am failing to prepare Michael for a professional world that will not be as open-minded. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Mom doesn’t get to play the ‘we’re a parenting team’ card when she’s parenting her fantasy of your child. He’s into makeup. He wanted to see Barbie. That’s the son you’ve got. Daniella can have another baby if she wants to try for one with more masculine interests.
Props for supporting your kid.” princessluni
Another User Comments:
“You’re the furthest thing from a jerk I can envision.
Unfortunately, you are co-parenting with one of your son’s bullies. By suggesting he is ‘less than’ for not having the right friends or interests it is belittling him.
You are the parent who nurtures him as he comes, and that’s the most powerful attribute in a parent imaginable.
Keep up the great work.
NTJ.” landlocked_mermaid_
16. AITJ For Thinking My Wife's Name Choice Is Dumb?
“Before my wife and I got married, we made an agreement that she would get to name our first boy, and I would get to name our first girl.
We recently discovered that she was pregnant with twins, and after talking about it, we decided to stick to our original plan.
I thought everything would be fine, but ever since I heard the name she chose, we’ve been having problems.
The name is bad.
It sounds really stupid, and it’s absolutely the kind of name that will get our son bullied. I immediately vetoed it, but my wife said I couldn’t because that wasn’t our agreement.
I asked why she insisted on this particular name. Apparently, it comes from a character she identified with in one of her favorite books when she was growing up.
But emotional attachment doesn’t make the name itself any better.
I said fine, then I may as well name our daughter Hortensia Beerbong the Third. It sounds just as dumb. She told me I couldn’t do that, and I just said why not? It’s my choice.
That was the agreement.
We’ve been at an impasse ever since.
Now, obviously, I’m not actually going to name my daughter that, and I’m pretty sure my wife knows that too. I was just trying to help her see the mistake she was making, but she’s not listening to reason.
Recently, she’s started hinting she might just take off around her due date and give birth somewhere without me and my naming input. I think that’s uncalled for, but I’ve got a week-long business trip that I can’t get out of about a month before she’s due, and I’m worried she’ll take the opportunity to disappear until after the twins are here.
I’ve told my brother to keep an eye on her while I’m gone, but it’s not like he can watch her 24/7.
I think her name choice is dumb and will cause problems for our son, and she thinks I’m being controlling and overdramatic. Neither of us is willing to back down, but with her hints about skipping town for the birth I’ve been wondering if things have gone too far.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
First of all, it was a stupid agreement to begin with. No one should have unilateral control over naming a child without veto power from the other partner.
Secondly, if your relationship is so bad that your wife is threatening to take off and cut you out of your children’s birth, naming issues are the last thing you should worry about.
You two need counseling. Like immediately.
Also, it’s a total jerk move on your part to take a trip a month before your wife is due with twins. Twins almost never go full-term. For as much as you worry about missing the birth, you’re the one making it likely that will happen.
It’s also a jerk move to name a child something that will get them bullied.
Counseling. Immediately. Frequently. Hopefully, you can untangle this mess before you bring kids into it.” NorthernLitUp
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Why are you married? And how does the rest of your marriage work?
And are you sure the two of you are actually capable of raising children without enormous conflict? and… and… and… seriously, you both need to figure out what you want your family life to look like, how you will handle the inevitable differences in child rearing, etc… these kids seem doomed, just from this story.” Jackms64
15. AITJ For Refusing To Take My Security Cameras Down?
“I (26M) just moved into an apartment complex in a major city. 3 weeks ago someone was murdered here (which I didn’t know until I signed the lease but that’s beside the point). My particular apartment is on the ground floor and faces the main parking lot of our complex.
Yesterday I installed Ring cameras on each of my windows, all of which face the parking lot, and a Ring doorbell on the front door.
I know if someone wanted to hurt me, they’d do it anyway, but it gives me some peace of mind when I sleep.
Even if the murder didn’t happen I’d probably do it anyway because this is a major city in America after all.
Today I got a knock on my door from my neighbor whom I’ve never spoken to before. She claims to feel very uncomfortable with my cameras because they face the parking lot/sidewalk and can record people without their consent when they’re just walking by or parking their cars.
She also said that I was overreacting and that the complex was safe enough that I didn’t need cameras. I politely told her that my lease says there are no restrictions about security cameras, and that I checked with the leasing agency before installing cameras to ensure it was OK and they said it was fine.
I also reminded her that there are no laws in our state that say you can’t record people on the street/sidewalk/whatever without their prior knowledge; even so I have several signs posted that read ‘Warning! Security cameras in use’ despite it not being a requirement in this state.
She laughed at me incredulously and then said ‘So you’re not going to take them down?’ And I said no. She said she’s going to go to the leasing office on Monday and make a scene about it if I don’t take them down, and she’s lived here for 3 years, so her opinion holds a lot of weight around here, or so she claims.
So, AITJ for keeping my security cameras up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wonder if that woman knows there are countless other people with security cameras on their house or business that record her every day.
She can rest assured that nobody is gonna be going back through their security footage to watch random people walk by because that is really boring.” Future-Bread7179
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Frankly, if it captures her front door, she’s somewhat protected by the camera, too. I might try to have another conversation with her to let her know that you aren’t trying to snoop on her and you don’t care if she engages in illegal activity.
But someone was just murdered, and you’re nervous, and this is simply a security measure, etc. Bake her some cookies or something and tell her you want to be a good neighbor, but you also want to be as safe as possible.
I say this not because you owe it to her but because as much as possible you want to have good relations with your neighbors.
Sometimes a little bribery can help smooth things. You handled it correctly by checking first with the leasing office and your lease, so you should be legally in the clear, but you never want an enemy next door.” Grump_Curmudgeon
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Mother-In-Law And Sister-in-Law Visit My Daughter At The Hospital?
“My (24F) 2-year-old daughter was admitted two days ago in the hospital because she has been violently throwing up and has a fever.
My husband and I are very worried and we try to keep family updated in a group chat 2-3 times a day when doctors tell us something.
Well, my MIL (47F) and SIL (30F) have been calling me nonstop to give me suggestions. ‘Oh, what is this nonsense about her having food poisoning, she got the stomach flu!’ I admittedly got upset quite quickly but the thought that both of them thought they knew better than an actual doctor was insane to me.
When I told them doctors were pretty sure my SIL went on a rant about how they messed up a diagnosis for her years ago and I shouldn’t believe it. More or less they call us to tell us we are doing everything wrong.
My MIL called my husband and started asking what kind of medication Sky (our daughter) is on. She heavily disagreed with some meds and told us we should call a holistic healer. She also asked to come in and speak with doctors.
My husband said absolutely not, but I guess why listen to him?
My SIL and MIL were downstairs in an hour. The front desk called and asked if we were expecting visitors.
I think I saw red because my husband just said ‘Be gentle’ when I stormed downstairs. He stayed with Sky. I must admit this was not my greatest moment but I was stressed. Sky was severely dehydrated and hooked up to a lot of systems and I had been crying all day long, wondering what this food poisoning came from.
My MIL had brought cupcakes for Sky which was stupid because she is on a strict hospital diet. She didn’t inquire about anything, just which was the room number, and started heading in the general direction from which I had come. My SIL followed like a good lap dog.
I told them to leave and both acted surprised.
My MIL just waved me off and asked the nurse to give her directions. I said ‘Leave now or help me god you are not gonna see your granddaughter for a few years’.
We argued for another 20 minutes and eventually security asked them to leave.
A few hours later, I kid you not, a 750-word message was sent in the family group chat from my MIL saying how everyone is praying for Sky and she forgives me because I haven’t slept enough. What? She mentioned how I had grieved her so much and she cried for hours because I had kicked them out but she will find strength not to hold it over me.
My SIL and BIL were calling her brave and were hyping her up.
My BIL texted me personally and called me a jerk. I calmed down and now I am doubting myself. There wasn’t any harm in letting them see Sky for a few minutes.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are rewriting history. They’ll probably get her killed if you follow their advice – dehydration is lethal.
Feel free to ignore them or respond with the truth.
‘Maybe I am short on sleep, but we have a sick baby in the hospital who needs rest, hydration, and a very strict diet.
She does not need visitors and cupcakes. We do not have the time and energy to fight with those of you who want to second-guess the medication and treatment recommended by her doctor. She will not be treated by your holistic healer, faith healer, your favorite herbal tea, or someone’s gut instinct.'” Intelligent_Stop5564
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hold your head high and focus on your daughter. Ignore all crazy messages from your MIL. Higher road and their feelings are their problem. Unsubscribe from the group chat or turn off chat notifications.
Your husband needs to step up and intervene now, now, now: HIS family, HIS monkeys.
He needs to communicate his complete and unquestioned agreement with you and give a clear command that family needs to stay away from the hospital until advised otherwise. Would help if he could convey his profound disappointment in his mother and sister for hijacking daughter’s health crisis in order to get attention for their poorly managed feelings.
Shame on them.” Johoski
13. AITJ For Wanting People To Call Me By My New Name?
“My fiancé (25M) and I (22f) have been engaged for almost 2 years now. We have been putting off planning our wedding until we felt it was safer since the global crisis and so on and have finally sent out invitations. Now for about 2 1/2 years, I have changed my first name from ‘Kelly’ to ‘Octavia’.
Kelly was the name my bio father demanded I be named and it never felt like me so when I could I started letting everyone know I was changing it to the name my mom wanted originally and what has felt like me for a long time.
Not many people understood why I wanted this and why I was now asking them to call me something different but I told them they had until I was married to get used to it because then I would be changing it along with my last name.
My mom and siblings have done their amount of trying as have some of my fiancé’s family. However, there is a HUGE list on both sides that have decided it’s not worth trying for or that they are the only ‘exception’ to this.
Recently my aunt Greta adopted young kids. All under the age of 10. They have warmed up to everyone else quite easily but had yet to meet me. So I wanted to say hello when I saw them at a birthday party for my family member.
My aunt looks between us and says ‘This is Kelly. She’s my niece’. I rolled my eyes and shook my head slightly. ‘It’s Octavia, it’s nice to meet you’. This earned a couple more eye-rolls from other family members but I ignored those.
‘Oh… you don’t have to call her that. She’s just changing her name,’ my aunt replies which immediately irritated me as I have been more than patient with people about the change and I decided it was past that point. So I spoke slightly louder into the room this time.
‘It’s Octavia. And you can either call me as such or don’t address me. Anyone who still has a problem with this can expect to be asked to leave at the door of my wedding.’
Another aunt spoke up.
‘We have been calling you Kelly since you were born.
We are going to struggle’.
‘You have struggled for almost 3 years now. My brothers who have been calling me Kelly their whole lives switched easily. I assure you it’s about your own effort’.
It’s been days and I’ve been blown up by my family who wants to know why I care so much if it is just a name.
And Greta is mad because I made her kids confused and embarrassed her while she was still earning their trust and affection. Maybe the birthday party wasn’t the right location and I should have said something before the invites were delivered. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
As a trans guy who went through several name changes, yes people are going to struggle, and yes sometimes that can take years to actually get used to. HOWEVER they are not making an effort, they aren’t even pretending to make an effort.
They quite literally said ‘She’s just changing her name, no need to call her that’ so where exactly was the struggle or the effort to begin with?
These people don’t respect you or the change. So they don’t have to come to the wedding. Simple as that, either they start making an effort at the very least, or they can have the consequences.” zZombi__
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, nope Greta confused the kids and she embarrassed herself.
Do not acknowledge anyone who calls you Kelly, keep blanking them. Walk straight out.
They have a few months to get this right if they don’t – then they don’t come. If they can’t be bothered and are being stubborn on purpose then they don’t really care for you enough to be at your wedding.
It was the way she told the kids she was just changing her name and you don’t have to call her that – it’s her being stubborn, it’s not forgetfulness they just refuse. Well, enough is enough. You are not asking for her kidney, just to be called by your name.” Careless_Mango
12. AITJ For Wanting My Stepdaughter To Get Off My Bed?
“I’m engaged to and share a child with my partner, as well as her 5 kids. So you can imagine my house is pretty busy with not a lot of room to move about especially with one of my stepsons having a child of his own living with us.
Admittedly life can get pretty claustrophobic and difficult so I rely on my side of the bed to be my space, my only space in the house.
Now I don’t mind people sitting in it providing they are clean. But I only have one rule when I’m on night shifts at work: no one sleeps in it because I don’t want to have to get home half asleep and exhausted after a 14 hour work day to have to wake somebody up to go to their own bed just so I can go to bed. My ‘Mrs.’ agreed to this and was watching something we were already watching together tonight with her daughter under the understanding it was just for her to catch up with us so we could watch it together when I was home.
I was on my dinner break so I checked the baby cam in our room to see if she was awake so I could chat with her whilst on my break and I noticed that not only had they watched more than she stated and made me have to catch up in my own time, (that I don’t really get), but they’ve both fallen asleep with my stepdaughter on my side of the bed.
To some, I imagine this isn’t a big deal but that side of the bed is my only private space in the house and it sets my anxiety off when people don’t respect my rule on it. I FaceTimed the Mrs just to ask her to wake my stepdaughter up and send her to bed and all I got was ‘I don’t see the big issue’ and ‘I’ll wake her up before you get back’ assuming I don’t finish early and that I don’t get back before she wakes up…
AITJ for being strict about my space?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you talked to her and made it clear how you felt, if she doesn’t understand then make the room completely off-limits to all kids. If she wants to lay down she can lay in their bed, in their rooms.
Having a huge family, especially a blended one, your room is yours… you and your wife’s personal space! This is where you should be able to be alone and not worry about anything else. I don’t understand why she doesn’t see it like that.” ReaderMomof1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It sounds like a chaotic environment with so many people and littles so I get why the Mrs might want to just let it go and keep things easy. That said, it’s not a big ask. Everyone needs their own space.
It would be frowned upon to have the Mrs’s or kids’ beds covered with laundry and mail to sort at bedtime, let alone another person. It seems like it’s just time for some kind but frank communication about your need for space and respect in your home.
You could consider a few things to help with that including setting more formal bedtimes for the kids to be in their own beds, bedtime routines (like bath, storytime, or tucking in) and maybe removing the TV from the bedroom. Also… watching your show without you?
Harsh.” heckenlively
11. AITJ For Replying To My Ex-Mother-In-Law's Social Media Post Publicly?
“My ex-MIL and I do not have a good relationship. My ex-husband and I divorced 8 years ago. We have a ten-year-old daughter. The reason we divorced was he started drinking and refused to go to work. My ex-MIL was a factor in our divorce because whenever I tried to get him help, she enabled him and blamed me.
He has lived with his mom since the divorce and has not been able to keep a job. Right now he works part-time at an ice cream shop and his mom gives him an allowance and gas money and pays all his bills.
After my new baby with my new hubby was born, his mom asked at the custody exchange (she’s always the one that does it) that I send my infant son along.
I thought she was joking but she was very insistent that as a sibling of my daughter, she has grandparents rights. I told her that as my husband is the father, she is not the grandma. She insisted that she and her son have rights.
I deactivated my old social media account from when I was married and friends with my ex and his family and typically avoid social media. My mother has apparently been posting lots of baby pics on social media. Recently I found out that MIL has been stealing photos from my mom’s public social media account and posting them.
I’ve spoken to my mom about this. Ex-MIL has been telling people that my son is her grandson and that I am denying her grandparent’s rights. I logged in to my old social media account and replied on her page that my son was NOT hers, he belongs to my new hubby and me, and that she has NO rights.
I also commented that I don’t want her or my ex-husband involved in the new baby’s life because they are toxic. I also stated that I’d be contacting the police if she kept asking for my baby. My ex-husband thinks I shouldn’t have called her out on her own social media page in front of so many people.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She stole pictures and caused drama online. She brought it online to the public first. You responding also in public to correct her lies is NOT jerk behavior.
If I were you, I’d demand her to take down the photos. Report her profile for stealing your baby’s pictures.
You did not give her permission. She is not related to the child whatsoever. She is purposely trying to cause problems on social media so that people think less of YOU.
It’s wrong, and she needs to learn that the hard way. I wouldn’t even let my other kid go near her anymore if I knew they’d be around for everything.
You could save evidence of her online profile. Pics of her posts where she’s lying and trying to start problems. That way, if you need to get the cops involved you have a record. It could also probably help in a court case if you decide you don’t want your other kid near them either.
You can state you don’t feel safe or comfortable having your other child near people who steal your other child’s pictures and lie online. You have no clue what lies she said to people in secret.
Psycho people are psycho. She could start lying and tell people online that the baby is her son and you kidnapped it, etc.
I’m just saying these things as a possible warning because I’ve known people like ex-MIL before. And they did just that. Even went so far as to call the cops about the ‘kidnapping’ so yeah, just a possible heads up.
I hope things turn out for the best, and ex-MIL stops acting that way, but just in case she doesn’t.
Document everything.” Luci_Fer_EveningStar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, of course. She’s delusional at best. Report the pictures she has posted of your baby to social media, that she is posting pictures of a child without your consent. That she is not related to the child in any way and you want the pictures taken down.
And tell your mother to change the settings, at least on the pictures, to Friends Only. That is if you want your mother to be able to post pictures at all. It is very irresponsible to post them publicly.” pittsburgpam
10. AITJ For Neutering Someone Else's Cat?
“I live in an apartment complex that’s all parking lot. Very little greenery or shade, lots of cars.
Lately, I have been seeing a very nice tomcat wandering around my apartment entrance. He’s very very friendly and always said hi to me. I’ve started bringing him water and he drinks it all up.
It’s also hot out and I’ve been concerned about him finding shade that’s not a car. I also saw he was intact. All this led me to believe he was a stray or maybe abandoned.
With some food, I coaxed him into a carrier and brought him to the local rescue to see if he was chipped. He was not, and the rescue offered a discount for captured strays, so I opted to have him fixed for a low price.
He was given deworming and flea medicine as well. Overall it was around $120 I paid.
I don’t have the means to care properly for the cat (I have a disabled cat who doesn’t do well with other cats) so the shelter took him in.
He was listed as adoptable three days ago.
Anyways, yesterday I saw a missing cat ad on our neighborhood’s social media page. The picture was of the cat I just surrendered to the shelter. I felt terrible, so I messaged the owner and let her know that her cat was in the shelter.
She read my message but didn’t respond until this morning.
Guys, she cussed me out so badly. She basically said how dare you steal my cat. She also said the shelter was demanding a $50 adoption fee and an application for her to get her cat back.
She’s demanding I pay the fee and is threatening me with a lawsuit.
I know I’m in the clear legally but I still feel bad for her. At the same time, she was letting an unfixed cat wander around a parking lot in 97° weather.
I was worried for his safety. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as someone who works in the vet world you did right by that cat. Had she microchipped him the shelter would’ve scanned for it and not done anything to her cat and informed her they had it.
Also, it’s great that you got him neutered there are way too many cats on the streets. This is why people need to microchip their cats if they are going to be outside, especially if they don’t have a breakaway collar.” notyouravgperson3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
When rescues/shelters take in a cat (not surrendered by the owner) they typically hold them for 3 days for someone to reclaim them. She didn’t check the shelters, she couldn’t prove ownership in the age of camera phones, didn’t bother to chip him ($50, by the way), and let him roam free unfixed, and without a collar.
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say she’s not a responsible pet owner.
I will say that it’s odd they asked you to pay for a neuter. That’s what the adoption fees are for.” Arctic_Puppet
9. AITJ For Wanting My Best Friend To Replace My Sunglasses?
“My best friend Carmen and I (both 19) love to go canoeing. We went out this weekend and the water was higher and rougher than normal. We take turns paddling but I’m more experienced than her.
She wanted to paddle this time even though I tried to talk her out of it.
Anyway, things were going fine. She let me borrow her pocket knife to cut up an apple and I put it in my lunchbox cooler. Later on, we hit a rough spot and turned sideways, and she panicked and just covered her face instead of steering us out.
We ended up flipping the boat.
I lost my pair of Ray Bans and her knife among a few other cheap things. When I told her the knife was gone she flipped out and started yelling and cursing at me. Apparently, it had belonged to her dead grandfather and she demanded I pay to replace it.
(she asked for $100 which is why I said no. I wouldn’t have even argued if she asked for like $30) I said no cause I had also lost something on top of the fact that it wasn’t my fault. She said forget it and we’d just call it even.
The rest of the trip was awkward, I paddled and she basically ignored me.
Well, I got home and started cleaning out my lunchbox and I found her knife inside the lining where there was a hole in the pocket. I returned it the next day and she was all smiles and thank you’s but I was still pretty mad.
I told her I wanted an apology for how she talked to me and I wanted her to pay to replace my sunglasses since she had flipped the boat.
She acted like that was ridiculous and I was being petty but I said that was fair.
She did say sorry but I still sent her a Venmo request for the cost. She paid me for it but now we haven’t talked in a few days which is weird for us. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – it actually sounds like you put yourself and your friend in a pretty dangerous situation, and you’re lucky neither of you drowned. You say you’re more experienced but it’s clear you have no clue what you’re doing.
Water was higher than normal with a swift flow, but you still went. You took an inexperienced paddler out onto waters with a strong enough current that it flipped the boat when it was turned against it. You had this person steering the boat when the more experienced person should always be doing that.
You were ‘taking turns paddling’ – that’s not how you locomote in a canoe and is very likely how you turned sideways in the first place.
It sounds like you browbeat her into giving you the $100, hopefully, she learns to never go out paddling with you again.” suffragette_citizen
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Never bring anything in a canoe (or on a kayak, sailboat, or anything on water) that you would not be okay with losing. Such is the nature of traveling by water.
She was wrong to speak to you like it was your fault the knife was gone since she flipped the boat.
You were wrong to make it her responsibility to replace (ridiculously overpriced) sunglasses (that are essentially a status symbol since you can buy pairs that look basically identical for a tenth of the price).” gratefulnothateful11
8. AITJ For Prioritizing My Dog Over Other Kids?
“I have a dog that is deathly allergic to chicken, so we don’t keep chicken in the house. Additionally, while my SO and I don’t have kids, a lot of my family do, and some of them are vegetarian – our go-to kids in my family meals are less chicken nuggets and ketchup and more pancakes or butter noodles.
Also, I have a SIL who goes anaphylactic with either nuts or legumes.
Moving on.
I had my brother, SIL, and niece over at my house. SIL invited some of her friends – which was just… Lovely. Her friends brought their tiny children. All 4 tiny tots were under two years old.
All parents were warned that I have a very sweet pup and that the house is safe for dogs, but they need to watch their kids (all under age 2).
Immediate chaos. ‘Why don’t you have gates for the stairs?’
My SO, dog, and I know how to use stairs.
We don’t need gates. ‘That’s so dangerous!’
‘Why don’t you have doorknob things?!? My toddler can open the door!’
My SO, dog and I don’t need those… again – not child-proofed.
The list continued and my SO left with the pup to avoid having to deal as my brother tried to help me with all of this.
One of the moms announces that her daughter needs lunch and looks at me expectantly. I look around as I was not planning on feeding this many people, then decided, screw it – pancakes it is. Kids love them, parents can’t complain about a free meal.
I tell the mom this. She says pancakes are a breakfast food, her kid needs protein, and her toddler needs chicken nuggets.
We don’t have that. Try again.
‘What do you mean you don’t have chicken nuggets?!’
We don’t keep chicken in the house.
The dog’s allergic and my SO sucks at not sharing food with the pup. So no chicken. Try again.
‘But my baby will STARVE!’
I go into the kitchen with my brother and start making pancakes, one mother follows me – and starts going through my kitchen looking for… something.
Opens up the dog’s medicine cabinet and sees the giant tub of peanut butter and SCREAMS.
‘Are you trying to kill SIL?!?’
That’s for the dog.
‘SIL can’t eat peanuts!’
Yes. This is why everything has been sanitized and the peanut butter has been put away.
Did the crazy mom stop? No. She tore into me about how a dog shouldn’t be prioritized over a mother, that a dog is an animal and my SIL is a MOTHER who could DIE.
I guess the fact that my dog lives here and SIL doesn’t is a moot point.
But that is when I decided that the pancakes were unnecessary and everyone needed to leave.
I thought I was in the right, but my SIL texted me that it was weird that I prioritized my dog and refused to feed hungry kids. I just didn’t want to listen to them complain about how I’m a crappy host and crappier person anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what a bunch of entitled trashy people!
First, your sister-in-law invites people to your house and then they expect you to cater to their kids’ needs.
A deadly Peanut allergy is enough reason for her to bring her own food wherever she goes and not expect you to cater to her and her entitled guests.
Then to complain about you ensuring your dog’s environment is safe for him.
I honestly cannot deal with how terribly she and her friend behaved.” Accurate-Ad-4905
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your house, your life. You’re not responsible for having all the accouterments that a person with kids would.
You don’t need to take all those precautions in your daily life, and it makes no sense to transform the house for an occasional visit. If the toddlers need that much attention and protection, it’s up to the parents to pay attention and protect them.
They’re HER kids, she needs to be a good parent/guest and monitor them and keep them under control. Visiting someone doesn’t mean the kids have a new playground to wander and destroy while she sits and chats.” Moonchaser70
7. AITJ For Not Paying My Sister For Watching My Son?
“I (32f) am a stay-at-home mom to my 1-year-old son.
My husband and I had won tickets to a show and immediately asked my sister (33f) to watch our son for the night. She has watched him overnight and many other times, we have never offered to pay her and she has never asked. When she watches our dogs we pay her and she tells me she wouldn’t expect me to pay for watching my son since it’s special time she gets with her nephew.
A bit of a backstory on my sister. She was 18 when she found out she was pregnant. She moved home and our small family of four helped her with taking care of my niece (Niece’s father was never in the picture). I was 17 and still living at home.
I helped with night feedings and watching her whenever was needed. It was never expected I would get paid it was just helping my sister. When I moved out I was still helping consistently, as much as missing school or work to pick my niece up from school.
My sister has never moved out of my parents’ house and has never held a job super long. She’s an amazing mom but she never really grew up. She spends her money unwisely and I know my parents help pay for a lot of things.
In her latest job she hasn’t finished a full week of work in 3 months, she is either ill or has a migraine (which I get migraines are horrible). So she’s not making a full paycheck.
The day of the show my father texted me saying that I should be paying my sister for watching my son.
That she is low on funds and since I have a husband with a ‘nice job’ I should be offering her something to help out. I kinda lost it. This isn’t the first time he has mentioned I should pay her. So I texted him a long text about how it’s not my place to support my sister and that I was never expected to be paid for watching my niece.
That we pay her very well when she watches our dogs but watching my son is a family thing. He said he understood but is now making side comments to me. My sister has no idea he asked and I honestly don’t think she needs to.
But I am worried that maybe I should pay her. Is it my guilt-tripping dad? Or AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If your sister wants to be paid for helping you with babysitting, then it is for her to ask you. If she is happy to do it for nothing, then that is her choice.
If she wants to be paid for it, then she should be.
Speak to your sister about it and see if she has been saying anything to your dad about not being paid for helping you.” Fun-Two-1414
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ. It wouldn’t hurt to offer knowing her situation and the fact taking care of a child is definitely harder than caring for pets.
Plus those little digs about her were unnecessary. She’s doing you a favor, maybe not talking about how she never grew up and can barely hold down a job isn’t wise considering she’s a valuable asset to you when you want a break from your kid.
Price check any other babysitter’s price and be glad she doesn’t ask even if it’s within her right to be compensated for her time.” PeteyPorkchops
6. AITJ For Not Letting My Son Use Our Home Washer?
“My wife and I have a 20-year-old son, Jake. Jake’s personal hygiene when it comes to clothing has taken a steep nosedive over the last year or so. He showers regularly, but he will only clean his clothes once a month – sometimes even longer than that – and it’s never an overly full basket, so he’s literally wearing the same dirty clothes (including undergarments and socks) over and over again.
We’ve tried to talk to him about how this can affect his health and asked if he’s feeling depressed or needs to talk to someone, but he insists he’s fine and he just doesn’t have time/wants to run the washer every week.
Towards the end of the month he smells awful, no matter how often he showers.
Since he’s an adult we can’t force him to do his laundry more often, and my wife won’t even go near his bedroom and do it for him (nor should she have to).
Here is the current issue: whenever Jake does eventually end up doing laundry, the machine ends up stinking like… I don’t even know, a sewer? Rotting flesh? Something terrible that I can’t even describe. Afterward, my wife has to run two clean cycles, one with bleach and one with a washer cleaning pod, just to get the smell out before we can use it again.
If she doesn’t clean it, our clothes will smell like that, so it takes 4 hours to basically reset our machine every time he does laundry. We told Jake that if he continues to insist on only doing laundry once a month, then he will need to start taking it to a laundromat because we refuse to continue to have to sanitize our machine because he doesn’t want to do it more often.
We feel this is a fair compromise to extend the life of our washing machine and our sanity. Jake works full time and doesn’t pay any type of rent so that he can save up for his own place and he has a car, there are 3 laundromat within a 5-minute drive from our house, so it is not like we’re making him go far to do laundry or that it’s something he wouldn’t be able to afford, and if he were to start being more responsible and clean his clothes on a weekly basis, it wouldn’t even be an issue to let him use the machine, but his clothes are so disgusting we’re concerned about what else it might be doing to our washer other than leaving a horrid permeating smell.
Jake told my parents and they think we’re jerks and told Jake to bring his clothes to them and his grandmother will wash them for him. Jake is currently not speaking with us. I don’t feel like we’re jerks, but my wife is hurt and starting to consider backing down.
Are we jerks for making our adult son take his laundry to the laundromat instead of using our home washer?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Jake needs to take responsibility for his hygiene.
Your parents should not be enabling Jake’s poor hygiene.
And you should not expect a laundromat to tolerate a sanitizing process that you won’t accept for your own home.
That’s assuming the laundromat immediately identifies the issue and promptly sanitizes their machine. It is entirely possible that another customer will use the machine first, and end up with foul-smelling clothing. Many people who use laundromats simply do not have the budget to rewash their clothing or buy laundry additives to remove strong odors acquired from Jake’s clothing.
Regardless of where Jake does his laundry, he needs to do it in a manner that does not damage any machine that he does not own or anyone else’s clothing.” AITHASNTEEN
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if his smell around your house is that bad I’d be stipulating that he needs to do a load of laundry once a week to remain living at home!
As you said, he’s there rent-free. That bad smell is going to get into all the other fabrics in the house. It seems a bit odd that he has no issues with showering regularly though, I don’t know why anyone would want to chuck on dirty clothes after getting out of the shower.” Loverofcatsandtacos
5. AITJ For Walking Out And Resigning While On Shift?
“I have worked at this job for most of my high school experience, and going to college next August. At first, I was okay with the hours, I would work 3:30-10 p.m. like a normal after-school job.
Over the summer I picked up another job and started working more hours with my first job.
It wasn’t bad until I worked 12-hour shifts every day (weekends and weekdays). I started getting overworked so I asked my boss for a day off 2 weeks ahead so I could go and have a nice night with friends and relax for a day (I don’t usually if almost ever ask for days off).
He told me okay and over the week my manager and I were getting into more fights about little things: for context, my manager and I never got along they would say children shouldn’t be in the kitchen. They would also say who needs school if you already have a job and overall makes me cry/feel bad for every mistake I made.
Like I said we would get into fights about little things.
One day I went to work and worked 5 hours and was waiting for a break. I then decided to take one and they stopped me saying how busy it was when no one was in line.
I then blew up at them and left for a break as I needed one. When I came back my coworkers were telling me how the manager was calling the boss and trying to get me fired for taking a break when it was my time to go for one, I didn’t think much of it because my boss didn’t text me or talk to me about that issue.
2 weeks later when the new schedule came up I saw my day off wasn’t there, so I texted asking why and he told me it was because I didn’t listen to my manager and later that day overheard my manager talking to my boss in a lover way and connected the dots that they told him not to give me the day off.
I instantly walked in and confronted them saying if he wasn’t going to give my day off I would quit. I thought being understaffed that my boss would just give me a day off but he said nothing. I then walked out in the middle of my shift and quit.
He is now texting me telling me to come in and that I am being selfish for quitting over not getting a day off, I don’t know what to do with him and already found a new job.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re being treated badly, and don’t need to be.
You did the right thing. Hopefully, they’ll learn something from the consequences of their disrespect and abuse. You’ve endured enough and deserve to be treated with respect. If they needed you to be there, they should have treated you as such.” CoastalCerulean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not sure where you live but in the US it is a federal law that you get breaks during a certain time frame. If you are being denied a break that is a big no no and you could report them for DoL. If the manager and boss are in fact in a relationship that could be an issue as well.
Usually walking out in the middle of a shift isn’t good but you manage and the boss decides to play a stupid game and win a stupid prize. Good to know you got another job. Don’t go back.” WhichChest4981
4. AITJ For Giving My Baby A Handmade Stuffed Toy Made By My Mom?
“My (33M) wife (31F) and I just had our daughter, our first child, three months ago.
My family has a tradition where the firstborn will get a special stuffed animal. I got one from my mother when I was born, who got one from her mother, who got one from her father, and so on and so on.
The reason that it’s special is because the stuffing is made from their parent’s hair.
The way it works is that once a child is old enough to start getting their hair cut, their parent will save as much of that hair as they can.
When the child becomes a parent themselves, the new grandparent will use the saved hair to make a stuffed animal to give to the baby. The hair in the toy represents the new parent’s connection to the child and is a tangible measure that shows that they’ll always be close by; the care taken by the new grandparent in collecting the hair and using it to make the toy represents the child’s connection to its family history and is a tangible measure that shows the extended family will always support them.
In short, the stuffed animal is a way of connecting the new life to their new family.
After my daughter was born, my mother spent a lot of time making a stuffed bear from scratch to fill with my childhood hair. She just finished last week.
Since my leave from work is just about over, I was excited to give my daughter the bear and share the tradition with my wife. I thought she would think it was sweet, but she blew up at me.
Instead of liking the bear, my wife said it was gross and disgusting and that she wouldn’t have it around her daughter.
I told her that it’s our daughter, not hers, and that there’s nothing disgusting about my family’s tradition. She said it was unhygienic. I told her that it was not; the hair was clean and well-preserved. We argued, and eventually, she said that if I ever put ‘that thing’ near her daughter, she would throw it in the trash.
I was shocked. This is something that represents decades of my mother’s work and planning and generations of my family’s history. I told my wife that if she’s so cruel and callous about something that means so much to me and my family, then she’s not the person I thought she was.
She just called my family’s tradition ‘weird and culty.’
I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t think my wife was this kind of person. I told my mother about the fight, and now she’s feuding with my wife too. My wife then got her family involved before calling me some vulgar names, but am I really a jerk for wanting to give my special girl her special bear?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your wife kind of sucks for judging your family tradition. But it’s not her fault that you’re suddenly springing this on her.
You are a jerk for not bringing it up before you had a child together. If it’s so important to you and you plan to continue the tradition, you kind of owe it to your wife to have brought it up before now when there’s a bear stuffed with human hair or whatever.
Sure, it’s just hair and it could be clean and well-preserved.
But it could have been stuffed with toenail clippings, or scabs, or baby teeth, and it wouldn’t make it any more or less weird to someone who has never heard of this.” American-Mary
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I do think your wife is being a bit unreasonable if the bear is completely sealed and it’s clearly important to you, but you kind of brought this on yourself, I get it’s your family tradition but ‘look at this teddy bear I stuffed with the hair my mum deliberately saved ever since I was a baby’ isn’t really something that many people consider a nice surprise.
You absolutely should have brought this up in advance, given her time to get her head around this tradition as, for better or worse, you have to admit it’s very unusual.” redditor191389
3. AITJ For Getting My Coworker Demoted?
“We have this guy named ‘Al’ who works as a sales representative in our company, he thinks he’s a ‘people’s person’ or so to speak. he gets praised all the time for his alleged kind and warm personality but I’ve always thought that he’s a two-faced guy and is pretentious.
So last week. I was at the supermarket with my wife and I spotted him in front of the cashier cussing out an elderly man. I was shocked initially as he was causing a huge scene and treating the poor old man like dirt. I thought that was unacceptable and not a good sight for someone who’s supposed to be our company’s representative.
I pulled my phone out and started video-recording him still cussing out the old man.
I didn’t let him see me, I went back to the car and had my wife finish shopping.
The next day I went straight to my boss with the video recording and let him watch how Al was behaving.
He seemed appalled himself but didn’t tell me what he had planned to do. He just sent the video to his phone as ‘evidence’.
Workday went normal then I got home, at 6 pm I got a call from a co-worker saying my boss and Al got into a dispute and Al ended up getting demoted after he got scandalized by the video I took of him at the supermarket.
Now nobody knows that I was behind this but my wife said Al got treated unfairly because his behavior outside of work has nothing to do with his professionalism at work but I told her she doesn’t get it because here at the sales department, keeping a good reputation whether in door-to-door or in state wide advertisement, reputation is key.
Besides that, I might get a chance to become the next sales representative though I still lack experience but that’s that. I do feel I went out of line here and cost the man a position in the company.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I work with the elderly, this is unacceptable.
There may have been reason for frustration, but THIS, especially in a REPRESENTATIVE position for a company, is unacceptable from any perspective, as you should never insult anyone for that matter, even less someone who likely can’t defend themselves. You did the right thing here.
Anyone who’s that much of a jerk outside of work is completely justified to not be trusted representing the company. He has an image to keep and he dunked it. There are cases where getting involved would not have been your right, but he acted like that in public and it was honestly pretty disgusting behavior that indicated torment towards people he saw beneath him.
All you did was bring it to the boss’s attention. He decided what to do from there on out and there likely was a discussion about this.” ILikeSealsALot
Another User Comments:
“You chose to stand by and record the guy. In your place, I hope I would have stepped up, intervened, told Al to back off, and tried to support and shield the older gentleman.
This passive and secretive recording of people behaving badly seems very prevalent, a better person would have intervened – a more ethical behavior I think. YTJ” abcwva
2. AITJ For Telling My Daughter That She Ruined My Weekend?
“I have 3 kids (14f, 16f, 25f). They used to get along great, then 14f got a cat for her birthday and 16f hated him (I think she’s scared of him but she refuses to admit it) so she used it as an excuse to not have much of a relationship with her sister.
She’s also been more distant with the rest of the family in an attempt to distance herself from her sister and her cat. My husband also dislikes the cat but he doesn’t let it affect his relationship with his family.
My husband and I were at our friend’s birthday party last week.
We were supposed to be out late and 14 and 16 were home alone.
16 was taking the family dog out and 14’s cat was trying to play and was swiping at her feet. 16 called 14 to get her ‘stupid cat’ away from her and told her what the cat was doing.
Apparently, 14 took her time to get there, then laughed, called the cat a good boy, and gave him a treat (14 denied it but it sounds like something she’d do).
This sparked an argument between the two and 16 kept cursing the cat out. She knows this hurts 14 and 14 retaliated by cursing her out.
16 responded by telling 14 that she doesn’t love her and hasn’t for a long time, she hates her, and she’s so excited for the day she gets to move out and never speak to her or see her again. This deeply hurt 14 because family is extremely important to her and 25 lives nearby but never asks her to hang out and only speaks to her a couple of times a year, which is already very hard on her.
Then to rub salt in the wound, she grabbed a treat, called the cat’s name, and threw the treat outside. The cat chased it and 14f spent over an hour looking for her cat.
16 called my husband and told him about their argument and 14 called me and told me what 16 did with the treat so we had to leave early.
When I got home I grounded 16f because she escalated the argument by cursing the cat out, then hurt her sister by going on that spiel about how she hates her and she’s going to be alone, then for throwing the treat but my husband ungrounded her and said that 14f should be punished for laughing and giving the cat a treat when he was trying to scratch 16.
14f asked if anything was going to happen to 16 for what she said and did and 16f yelled that she meant everything. I told 16 that she ruined my weekend and not to speak to me.
My husband took her side and has been sleeping on the couch since and 16f hasn’t spoken to me or 14 since the argument.
Last night I found my husband helping 16f pack and getting her important documents out of the safe. When I asked what he was doing, he said 16 was going to stay with 25.
I told him 16f wasn’t going anywhere but he ignored me and went back to packing.
16 is gone now and my husband is still on the couch.
AITJ for telling my daughter not to speak to me?”
Another User Comments:
“Whoa… whoa… whoa…
You’re telling us that the teenage daughters got into a fight and by the end of the day your husband aided the 16-year-old in packing to go live with her sister, and she left to do so?
And there was no summit between the parents to discuss this?
It sounds like your daughters communicate with each other about as well as you and your husband do, which is to say NOT VERY WELL.
Your family is falling apart. Let go of your pride and start working on this.
Until then – YTJ.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You, as a parent, have created an alienating family environment, a place where no one is safe. Perhaps you enjoy the chaos of constant conflict, but it’s damaging everyone else, especially your children. Get into family therapy to remedy it or you can safely assume none of you will have healthy relationships with one another – ever.
That will be your legacy to your daughters.” bubbyshawl
1. AITJ For Giving My Sister Unsolicited Advice On Her Marriage?
“My sister is 27, with no kids.
She’s been married to her husband, who is military, for 2 years. He’s had stateside deployments before, which were obviously hard on them both and for him mentally.
4 months ago, he went on his first overseas deployment. A month ago, my sister broke her iPhone but realized that her husband had an old one she could use until her new one arrived. Somehow in the switchover, she found texts from a year before, that confirmed he’d had a one-night stand and texted back and forth with the girl for a few days while he was in another state for work.
There’s no indication anything happened before or after that.
Here’s where I’ll own I know I wasn’t the best: my mom told me what had happened and I called to give her unsolicited advice.
Anyway, after she found the text she waited until he was able to call home, and then calmly told him she was putting his stuff in storage, ending their lease early and moving, and that he could talk to her lawyer about divorce proceedings when he got home.
She blocked his number and that’s it, she hasn’t spoken to him since. He’s spoken to me and my parents multiple times and is devastated, to the point he’s had to get medical attention overseas.
I called my sister and told her I understood how upset she was, justifiably so, but that I think it’s wrong to do this to someone without even a face-to-face conversation or real discussion.
She told me to mind my own business and said he never gave her the opportunity to have a face-to-face conversation about it by never telling her. I said she was potentially putting the lives of people serving with him at risk because he seemed extremely depressed and distracted, which I absolutely believe.
She told me to go screw myself, hung up, and hasn’t spoken to me since.
Again, I understand that I shouldn’t have called with advice unsolicited. She’s hosting Easter this year and didn’t invite me, my husband, or my kids, which seems like an overreaction to me and hurting my family over a gripe with me.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. What kind of person hears that their sister was two-timed on and calls to give unsolicited advice to stay with the two-timer? Some marriages can work out after infidelity, but both people have to want to work on it.
Clearly, your sister doesn’t want to work on it. Your BIL chose to have an affair. Now he has to deal with the consequences of his actions. Her asking for a divorce isn’t putting people at risk. His actions that he is seeing repercussions for is what is putting people at risk.” SpaceKates
Another User Comments:
“You should be ashamed of yourself. From start to finish you handled this poorly.
Who wants to be known as THAT woman who tries to convince people to go back to liars?
You found out your sister got two-timed, and instead of supporting her, you chastised her decision and gave advice no one wanted or asked for?
It sounds like there’s a good reason they didn’t ask you anything. You’re the type to send someone back to a two-timer.
YTJ, seriously. Stay out of your sister’s business.” User
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