People Seek Answers To Their Riveting "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Trying To Sympathize With My Daughter?
“My (F60) younger daughter (L, F26) got engaged earlier in the year. Her fiancé is a wonderful man and I am thrilled for her. My older daughter (S, F30) has been single for quite some time. Naturally, we always expected that S would get married first, and I feel terrible for her that she’s watching her sister live out her dream wedding without one of her own in sight.
I tried to convince L to put off her wedding until after her sister was married, but both my girls thought that was ridiculous so I didn’t push. L’s dress appointment is coming up in a few weeks, and both S and myself were invited.
I called S the other day to check on her and see if she would rather go on a fun mother-daughter day with me if it was too painful. S said that she was perfectly fine and that we should be there to support L, which is so kind of her but I feel as though she’s just trying to put on a brave face, so I suggested that while we were there, she tried on a few dresses so it could feel like her moment too.
S said that it was a terrible idea and that the focus should be entirely on L, and that she genuinely doesn’t care that L is getting married first.
She even said that she enjoys being single and doesn’t know if she ever plans to marry, which breaks my heart because I’ve been dreaming about my oldest daughter’s wedding my whole life.
S has apparently told L about my suggestion, and L now wants to uninvite me from the appointment. I feel like L is being insensitive to her sister and my brother and SIL agree, but S is on her side, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Holy projection. Has it ever crossed your mind that S isn’t actually that bothered that she isn’t married? You’re being really weird. It seems as though S getting married first was your dream, not hers.
Even if she was bothered by it (which I doubt), she’s obviously fine. Everyone follows their own path, not some artificial ‘daughters get married in order of age’ timeline. Stop getting so hung up on marriage and just be supportive of how your daughters say they feel.” bordennium
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your daughter clearly does not care that her younger sister is getting married first and honestly, you are probably making her feel worse about it by bringing it up constantly. It sounds like you’re far more upset about this than either of your daughters.
Stop mentioning it, stop assuming S is secretly devastated when she’s told you multiple times she feels fine, and stop trying to swing the focus around off of your younger daughter who should be the center of attention right now.
Allow yourself and the both of them to celebrate this wedding fully without worrying about old-fashioned, outdated beliefs about who is supposed to get married first.” Jolliedranchers
Another User Comments:
“Well your oldest didn’t get her sense or considerate attitude from you, did she?
You are at risk of alienating both daughters with your bizarre attitude and request that the youngest postpone her wedding – for what?
Your youngest sees your focus is on her sister and your ‘dreams’ of her wedding when she is the one getting married. (Eldest isn’t by any chance your golden child is she?) You want to use the opportunity for dress shopping for your youngest to get your oldest to try on dresses.
And now unsurprisingly to everyone reading this but you, the youngest no longer wants you there.
Your eldest must be wondering why you are so keen to marry her off rather than respecting her single status. She doesn’t need a man – or woman – to be valid you know.
And clearly, she is a woman with enough about her that she is not going to allow your nonsense to overshadow her sister.
If you want to be a part of this wedding or your youngest daughter’s life then focus your energies on the one who is getting married. YTJ.
Your attitude is really dreadful.” Dogmother123
20. AITJ For Not Liking People Taking "Perfect" Pictures Of Food?
“So I am a fairly generous person. No way to say that without sounding arrogant or braggy, but it is what it is.
If I’ve got some spare change I will frequently treat friends to food or drinks.
But I have a rule: If I am treating you to a meal (or snack or whatever), and you want to take a pic of your food, you HAVE to have at least a bite before you take your pic.
It’s a simple, stupid rule to be sure, but it really just came about years back when smartphones were less than a decade old, and TONS of people were flooding the internet with pics of their food that no one cared about on every budding social media account.
I’ve got nothing against things like taking great photos of food (generally like it, actually), but it became a bit of a pet peeve when I’d treat people to a meal and see everyone whip out their phones like getting that picture was more important than the meal itself.
So became my rule. If I bought a dozen fancy muffins from Whole Foods to share with my coworkers, you had to take a bite before you could post it. ‘But then it’s not PERFECT!’ Yeah, that’s the point, if you care more about your perfect picture than the food, well there are other coworkers here not so quick on the draw that still want free snacks.
The rule is mostly obsolete now. People still take pics, but the food pic craze has died down a lot so it rarely gets brought up, and most people don’t think ‘one bite’ from their meal will make their ‘perfect picture’ any less worthy.
But the other day it DID come up. Treated some friends at a restaurant, and a phone got whipped out, I reflexively brought up ‘You gotta take a bite first,’ and for the first time in like 8 years, they got REALLY upset about it.
‘But then it’s not PERFECT!’
I didn’t expect the 0 to 80 escalation, so just tried being lighthearted about it, but still stuck to my old rule. ‘If getting the perfect picture is more important than the meal, you can cover your own meal.’ A bite was taken, a pic was taken, and she was grumpy the rest of the meal. Which of course made things a bit awkward for everyone else.
People tried to just move past it, but with the mood heavy I got some pretty clear ‘Would it REALLY have been that big a deal…’ looks.
I know it’s a silly, petty rule, but also think it’s a minor ‘demand’ when I am footing the bill.
AITJ for making a dinner awkward by putting my foot down and enforcing my ‘rule’?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
What you’re describing isn’t generosity. It’s a way of creating situations that allow you to control others.
If you weren’t getting something out of that, your ‘generosity’ wouldn’t come with the condition of anyone wanting to take a photo before a bite being put in their place.
Generosity involves doing something just to be kind, not deciding you get to tell people how to behave because you can afford to buy stuff.
I suspect your friends and coworkers would rather pay for their own muffins to do with as they like.” UrsinePoletry
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and you already know it. Your plan was to take friends out for a treat, which I imagine you envisioned being the kind of thing that is fun/a good time. By enforcing your ‘rule’, the mood and night were ruined.
Also, you really need to consider what your baggage is, OP, because your ‘rule’ is controlling and, frankly, senseless.
Your pet peeve is people whipping out their phones to take a picture ‘like getting that picture was more important than the meal itself’ when you treat them.
What kind of logic is that, OP? The vast majority of people who want to take a photo of their food are doing it because they appreciate the chef’s/cook’s/baker’s effort and labor that made the food look so lovely.
How is wanting a way to remember (and possibly even share) that loveliness later translate into ‘making the photo more important than the meal itself’ to you?
Actually, how does taking a few moments – even a full minute or two – to take a picture of ANYTHING make you think that getting the picture is more important than the thing itself?
Do you think that people who photograph their pets care more about getting the photos than their pets? Do you think people that photograph their kids care more about getting those photos than the kids? Or does this bizarre hang-up of yours only apply to food?
Are there people who care more about photographic perfection than the thing itself? Yes, absolutely. If you had a friend who would let their food go cold as they took snapshot after snapshot until they finally got ‘the perfect photo’ that they wanted – then, yes, that one person cared more about the picture than the meal itself.
But I have a feeling that if any of your friends had done this to a meal you had treated them to, you would’ve recounted it here and you haven’t, which leads me to believe that nobody you have treated to a meal has ever cared about the perfect photo more than the meal/food itself.
If your rule was ‘you cannot take longer than a minute to take a picture of your food,’ okay, that actually makes sense in relation to the pet peeve you’ve described here. Instead, you’re depriving your friends of a silly, transient joy from a mundane action based on an unkind assumption you’ve made about their motivation for doing it in the first place.” toxicredox
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
People who take a dozen pictures of their food before they eat it are annoying. You though? You’re insufferable. I’d rather someone that makes the whole table take a group photo than have you micromanage a ‘gift’ meal. It’s just creepy to get that bent out of shape about other people having fun in a way you don’t enjoy.
Unclench and stop being a manipulative jerk about food.” SheepPup
19. AITJ For Wanting My Stay-At-Home Wife To Contribute To Household Expenses?
“When my wife and I married, we had decided that she would be a stay-at-home mom. She is Russian and has gone no contact with her family since around the time we got married because they are heavy drinkers. She came here as a student.
We have a 5-year-old daughter.
Our arrangement was that I gave her an allowance for buying anything she wanted for herself and then I paid for other expenses that we both agree on. I make more than enough for all of us.
It has always been a point of contention that she wanted me to increase her allowance. Sometimes when we disagree on a purchase like a toy for our daughter, she will use her allowance to get it and then expect me to reimburse her allowance for it.
Additionally, she wants to buy expensive makeup and use it even for just going out to see friends casually.
Recently since our daughter started school, she has started doing a few gig jobs like dog walking. I was not for it but I can’t stop her from doing what she wants.
However, the time she spends doing that, means that she has less time to be a stay-at-home mom, so I told her recently that I expect her to pay for the house expenses proportionally to what she earns. She disagreed and I said I could just reduce her allowance in that case as she now earns some income.
She got quite angry with me and we fought, things seem better now but sometimes I feel she is still a little upset. She used some minor things against me like the few times I asked her for money as I did not have change for small purchases.
Was I the jerk here? I think it is only fair to change the arrangement now that she works.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This all seems like pretty textbook financial abuse. She is supposed to be your partner. You are essentially paying her to be your wife and homemaker.
She was obviously more vulnerable to this sort of mistreatment since you chose someone without a family to help her.
What do you know about makeup? Women are under a lot of pressure to keep up appearances and let’s not kid ourselves, you’d be here posting about how you are mad she is letting herself go if she wasn’t.
You don’t have a wife or want a wife, you desire a housekeeper who will sleep with you.
Hopefully, she is stashing her earnings away so she can leave you.” randolphmd
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You limit what you give her a month.
Ok, budgeting and all that, sure. Still feels a little controlling, but there might be more to it for your situation.
However. She wants more money, you say no. She finds means to earn said money she wants, and you don’t like that either.
It comes across as you wanting her under your thumb; yes, she’s a stay-at-home mom. And that limits what she earns because of time to do the work. But a stay-at-home parent is its own full-time job. She deserves a little independence and money of her own.” ShinigamiLuvApples
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
The agreement was that she gets an allowance for being a stay-at-home mom and you work to pay the household expenses. Now she has less time to be a stay-at-home mom, but your daughter is also home less so she’s working during the time that she doesn’t have the responsibility of caring for a child.
She’s still a stay-at-home mom; she’s just finding profitable ways to spend her off time. I could understand asking her to pay toward household expenses if she’s hiring babysitters to watch your daughter while she’s working, but it doesn’t sound like these ‘gig jobs’ are creating any additional household expenses so why does she now need to contribute financially?
Between not allowing her equal access to the bank accounts and trying to take away the earnings from her work, it sounds like you’re trying to control her.” Salt_Spray_Rose
18. AITJ For Making A Scene At My Sister's Wedding Over A Joke?
“My sister (24f) got married last week. Her wedding was very well planned out – we received invitations 6 months before and my sister poured about 10,000$ into this wedding – and that’s without catering costs added. She also invited over 100 people – it was an ethnic wedding, so there were some friends of friends.
The ceremony was beautiful. There were so many pictures taken, everyone was having a great time, I dream of eating the food I ate there just once again in my life. Even the rehearsal dinner a week before was magical.
The issue came after my sister and her husband said ‘I do’ – it was the reception. The cake was cut, and everything was great. They were laughing and having a good time, and then they went back up and said their speeches.
Her husband’s speech was touching with a humorous twist. When it came time for her to say hers, however, things went south.
She started off great, making a few jokes about a few family members. Nothing harmful. But then it got to me.
She made a joke about considering having a dry wedding because I was ‘such an addict’. To clarify, I have struggled with a drinking addiction, and she is well aware.
She was never really supportive of my recovery journey because she always saw me as an addict.
My sister has this idea that once you struggle with an addiction, you go crazy and lose control if you get the chance again. No matter if you recover or not, in her eyes, you’re always an addict.
Everyone laughed and I felt humiliated. She was laughing too and then continued. I didn’t want to interrupt her so I just waited. I felt like crying and screaming at the same time, it was a rage yet sadness I’d never experienced before.
After her speech, I spoke up. I brought her somewhere private. I told her that I didn’t appreciate her joke and that it wasn’t funny and that I felt she humiliated me. She got so angry and started yelling, things like ‘I have a whole wedding waiting for me back there, who do you think you are to bring me here and waste my time’ and ‘It’s just a joke, don’t be so mad’.
She accused me of ruining her wedding and started screaming. She left back to the ceremony and I just stood there.
Once I came back, everyone was staring at me and my sister was sobbing in my dad’s arms. My dad proceeded to yell at me telling me I ruined my sister’s wedding and made a scene.
I yelled back and when I noticed a lot of people were watching, I got angry and left.
Now all my family’s mad at me and they won’t stop sending me texts telling me I should apologize. I don’t want to.
AITJ?
I think I may be the jerk because once I left and saw my dad, he started yelling at me and I yelled back. I feel that if I’d just left, I wouldn’t have caused a scene. I also would like to say this is not the first time my sister has made a distasteful comment about my addiction struggles, and my parents excuse her every time.
They tell me they don’t agree with her but I should ‘put up with her’ and ‘understand her’.
When I was struggling with addiction, I wasn’t living in the same city as any of my family – which is part of why I started drinking in the first place.
I’d just moved to a new city, far from all of my family, so I turned to the only thing that helped me feel better, or at least feel less. My family was not a victim of my addiction – they didn’t even know what I was going through.
To them, I disappeared for a bit and then reemerged with a wonderful new skill under my belt – sobriety.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. you didn’t ruin her wedding, she made a joke in very poor taste about something that isn’t even remotely funny, and you handled it the mature way – didn’t make a scene at all, instead, waited and then privately expressed your feelings.
That is the absolute opposite of ruining a wedding. That is concealing your feelings to make sure you didn’t ruin the wedding. She went and raised her voice after getting called out on something wrong that she did and that’s her fault.
You don’t need to apologize, and your family has no business being mad at you for feeling RIGHTLY hurt about a distasteful joke.” rosiecat220803
Another User Comments:
“She took a dig at you publicly.
You pulled her aside and told her you didn’t appreciate it.
She came back and made a public scene.
Honestly, the fact that your parents tell you to tolerate her digs is a threat to your sobriety and screams that they aren’t supportive of your journey. I’d really just tell them all that directly and that when they are ready to be supportive of your sobriety journey and show it some respect, they can be in your life but you’ll be taking a break from them.
And then just grey rock. You don’t need to go no contact but I’d strongly suggest putting them all in time out. I certainly wouldn’t trust your sister with life information again. That kind of statement at her wedding reflects poorly on her regardless of whether you pulled her aside.
NTJ.” Professional_Fee9555
Another User Comments:
“Your father is insisting you apologize? Try something like this: ‘I am so sorry dear sister that my private words to you regarding your public comments about my addiction led to you outing yourself to the rest of your guests as a petty, manipulative, drama queen who ruined her own wedding.’
After all, it’s the thought that counts right? Huge NTJ on your part. It seems like she’s the golden child and you’re the scapegoat. Probably wasn’t a great idea to yell back at your Dad, but if I’d been at that wedding, I’d be thinking about what a witch your sister was being first about your drinking problem and secondly that she screams publically about you rightfully calling her out even though you did it privately.” KookyChoice4000
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My Nephew To Sleep In My Bed?
“I have had to move home due to a series of unfortunate events I shall call my life. My mom has graciously provided a room for me that is mine. All my necessary belongings are in there, including medications, etc. My 13-year-old nephew lives with my mom as well.
I am staying with a gentleman friend for the night and my mom texts that my nephew has a friend over and she’s putting them in my room. I asked why they couldn’t stay in HIS room and she replied because his waterproof mattress pad is ripped. I told her I didn’t want that because I didn’t want them digging through my stuff, nor did I want him to pee in my bed. (My bed is the only place he hasn’t peed on including the recliners and couch.) She told me I was being disrespectful and technically it’s her room.
I responded with, I have so little and no place to call my own and I really didn’t want my room to smell like pee. She’s stopped responding. Am I being unreasonable? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why isn’t he wearing Pull Ups?
There are incontinence products out there for all ages. Your mom needs to buy a new mattress protector anyway, so saying the one on his bed is ripped is just an excuse. Does the friend know about the nephew’s bed wetting, and is your mom hoping that just because a friend sleeps over, that will be enough to stop the bed wetting for that night?
You’re not home, so you can’t prevent your mom from doing what she wants, but you aren’t wrong to not want him to sleep in your bed!” Advanced_Sea7222
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your mom may be giving you the signal that you’ve worn out your welcome.
There is literally no logical reason she would put the boys in your bed together.
Instead, she could have replaced nephew’s mattress cover, gotten him incontinence diapers (which he should have anyway), or put nephew in his bed and friend on the couch.
If I were you I would be finding a new place to live now while it’s on your terms rather than acting surprised when she kicks you out.” jennyfromtheeblock
Another User Comments:
“NTJ obviously. Like, mom’s solution to a mattress with a protective cover that has slightly reduced efficacy, is to have the bed wetter sleep on a mattress that has no protection at all.
And as pointed out, you have medications and personal items in the room that you were not given the opportunity to secure before this decision was unilaterally made. And by the way, did the mattress protector just rip today? Was it not a problem that he slept in his own bed last night?
And if she’s not replacing it immediately, what’s the plan for tomorrow night, and the night after that when you’re back home and your room isn’t available to him?
This feels just a little too nonsensical to just chalk up as somebody having a stupid idea.
Maybe I am being paranoid, and I dunno how the relationship is, or how things are going, or if there’s been anything else that might indicate this (though the ‘it’s my house, so you don’t have the right to privacy or control over your own property’ bit is kinda telling)… But I think your mom is putting multiple 13-year-old boys in your room when you’re not there to control the situation, specifically so that they can get into something they shouldn’t, and cause some kind of problem, which your mom will then blame you for.
I think she’s trying to justify either exacting more control over you (‘Look what happened while you were out sleeping around! As long as you live under my roof, you’re not going out!’), or to just kick you out.
Or I am off base and your mom is just really stupid.
Saying she might be ‘really stupid’ is too harsh and I am sorry I said that. But outside of what I described, there is absolutely no reasonable explanation or justification for this.” Double-Watercress-85
Is this YOUR furniture? Then heck no!!
No, she was wrong. Go stay in a shelter.
16. AITJ For Causing A Coworker To Get Fired?
“So I (29M) started a new job about 3 months ago. It’s been super nice and I love my work. The only issue has been between a coworker (mid-20s F, Jenny) and me. She was not shy in letting me know that she is interested in me.
I am, however, married. I have done my best to shut it down and told her that I am very happy in my relationship and that I am not interested in her. However, some of her friends have started referring to her as my ‘work wife’ and me as her ‘work husband’.
I have expressed my discomfort with this and have stopped responding when they say it.
A little while back my coworkers and I went to a bar and throughout the night her friends kept trying to get us to hook up.
At one point Jenny told me that my wife doesn’t have to know. I was done at that point, went home, talked with my wife (she was very understandably hurt I didn’t tell her about this sooner, but I didn’t want to upset her, dumb reason I know), and came to the conclusion that I needed to go to HR.
I told HR about the incident, told them I felt uncomfortable working with her in the future, and that my other coworkers were encouraging it. I also gave them some correspondences I’ve had with her that were relevant. Over the course of the investigation, HR found more evidence of misconduct and ended up firing her for harassment.
I didn’t expect that and just wanted her to be transferred or something.
Now my coworkers are giving me the cold shoulder and walking on eggshells around me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the right thing by reporting the inappropriate behavior to HR.
You made it clear to your coworker that you were not interested and she continued to pursue you and make inappropriate comments. It’s understandable that you would feel uncomfortable working with her in the future. HR investigated and found evidence of misconduct, ultimately leading to her termination.
It’s not your fault that she behaved inappropriately and violated company policies. Your coworkers may be upset because they were friends with her, but they should understand that her behavior was unacceptable in the workplace.” Waxmaniac2
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ.
This is a serious case of harassment, to which the expected response is the termination of employment. Your wife was absolutely right to suggest reporting to HR and well done for stepping up. You shouldn’t feel bad about Jenny losing her job.
Maybe it’s not what you wanted to happen, but it’s her own fault for her despicable behavior. Kudos to a competent HR team as well.
Were her coworkers disciplined? Because they should have been. Not fired necessarily, but at least a formal warning.
Your colleagues should walk on eggshells around you because you will quite rightly not tolerate any harassment. Maybe not the best working environment, but surely it’s a lot better than them calling you ‘work husband’ and actively encouraging you to be unfaithful to your wife?
Please don’t feel guilty, they’re all as bad as each other. They treat the world like their soap opera playground.
Also please don’t feel guilty about how you shared the news with your wife. She has a right to be upset about you not telling her sooner, and maybe you should have (although I understand it’s never easy when you are being harassed in the workplace), but you did tell her in the end and that’s important.” MasterKilvin
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ
Married or not, you made it clear that you’re not interested in her. The friends are also jerks for trying to force you two together (again you are MARRIED)! Calling someone a ‘work wife/husband’ without the other person’s consent is harassment.
If the tables were turned and a man was constantly trying to hook up with a female coworker and called her his ‘work wife’, everyone would immediately hate him, and he would get fired.
She is more than capable to understand that what she was doing was inappropriate.
I am sorry your coworkers were enabling her behavior and giving you the cold shoulder.” ZooMedia2583
15. AITJ For Continuing To Weight Lift?
“I (16F) have always been really big for my age. They tested me to make sure I didn’t have a medical issue because it was so freaky but turns out nothing is wrong. I’m just really tall and built.
I’ve been teased about it my whole life but I like it now. My parents do not. They worry about me not fitting in and they get really upset when people confuse me for a boy (which happened a lot before puberty).
So, my mom has always had me wear really obviously girly clothes, I have to keep long hair, and they’ve always pushed me towards really girly things. I think they’re afraid I might be trans or at least people will treat me badly thinking that I am.
It’s not great, but it’s always been more trouble to not go along with it.
I started working out over the last year and I really like weightlifting. I must have good genes for it because I’ve made a lot of progress.
The problem is that my muscles are bulking enough to be noticeable now and my parents think it’s going to get me bullied for being too masculine, so they said I have to stop. My mom suggested jogging or yoga instead.
I’m going to yoga, but I miss my weight workouts. So, I asked the coach that teaches my health class if I could come in early and use the school’s weight room. I’ve been doing that for a month, but my parents found out about it this week from one of my teachers.
They said I disobeyed them and went behind their back and I’m grounded. I said it was really stupid that I can’t work out the way that I like and they can’t stop me. My mom said I’ll thank them when I’m romantically interested in someone.
I’m doing pushups out of spite and my dad says that it’s good that I want to exercise but I’m being disrespectful.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s great that you found something that you enjoy doing and that makes you feel good about yourself.
Your parents’ concerns may come from a good place, but ultimately it’s your body and your choice of how you want to exercise and take care of yourself. As long as you’re doing it safely and responsibly, you shouldn’t have to give it up because of their opinions.
It’s also not fair for them to force you into gender roles and make you conform to societal expectations. Keep doing what you love and standing up for yourself.” Waxmaniac2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They don’t seem to accept you for who you are.
And that’s a bummer. What they don’t seem to realize is that most people don’t tease people who lift because 1) they look scary (cause they’re ripped) and are stronger than most (and thus could easily hurt most people, even if they are not violent) and 2) it can help create confidence.
So that is a lame excuse. They seem to want you to fit into how THEY think a person your age should act and behave.
Let’s face it, you’re different. And isn’t that awesome? One option might be to sit down and have a conversation to both educate them and talk about you (and your future).
It might require several conversations.
One thing I might add – make sure to talk to someone who is experienced in weight training for women your age. You are still growing and eating and training in a healthy way is really important.
You don’t want to do something now that will affect you for the rest of your life.” Readingandwondering
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are being controlling. Working out is good for you and so is lifting weights. Seems they both have some internalized homophobia.
Being worried others may think you’re gay or trans is bizarre. To forbid you to lift weights when you clearly enjoy it and are good at it is ridiculous. Show them some Olympic female weightlifters. You can’t help how you were created or what you enjoy doing.
They’re going to cause resentment.” leafmeb
14. AITJ For Getting Excited About My Son's First Word?
“My son is one year old, and very recently he said his first word.
I was super excited and called my husband and stepkids down to tell them the good news. My husband was super excited, although the stepkids mostly just politely acknowledged the event. My youngest stepdaughter is six and nonverbal, and she was also present when I told everyone about my son’s first word.
My husband’s ex called him and told him off for ‘letting’ me be ‘such a jerk’ to my youngest stepdaughter. She said it was really cruel to talk about my baby talking when she isn’t able to yet, and that the baby probably didn’t even say the word, just accidentally stumbled on the sound.
She wants him to tell me to apologize to my stepdaughter. I don’t think that makes sense, because telling my stepdaughter sorry would just single her out for not speaking yet, which I think would be hurtful. I don’t think my excitement about my son was offensive to her or anyone except for her mother.
Maybe I’m not thinking about it correctly. From my perspective, you wouldn’t hide your accomplishments from someone who can’t do them. That’s not a nice thing to do. My husband’s ex seems to think we were rubbing this in her face, but that’s not what happened. Am I missing something?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s perfectly normal to be excited about your child’s milestones, and it’s not fair for your husband’s ex to assume that your excitement was directed at your youngest stepdaughter. Your stepdaughter being nonverbal doesn’t mean you have to pretend that your son didn’t say his first word and that you weren’t intentionally trying to hurt anyone’s feelings.
You were just sharing a happy moment with your family. It’s unfortunate that your husband’s ex reacted that way, but you don’t owe anyone an apology for something that was not intended to cause harm.” Waxmaniac2
Another User Comments:
“Actually gonna say mild ‘everyone sucks here’.
I think you’re right that at this point apologizing to her might make her feel worse, and your husband’s ex is out of line for that ‘your baby probably didn’t even say a real word’ comment, which was bizarre and insulting.
But honestly, it was a little thoughtless for you to tell everyone for the first time all together with your stepdaughter present. No, you shouldn’t hide that the baby is starting to talk. But she probably has very complicated feelings about being nonverbal, and witnessing your and your husband’s immediate reaction (extreme excitement, celebration, and joy) might have been somewhat hurtful or difficult to navigate, especially as the youngest kid who was previously the baby of the family.
I also wonder if your older stepkids might have felt defensive of her, seeing as presumably, their mom found out because one of them told her.” charonthemoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you are thinking about it correctly! You should not hide your accomplishments from someone who can’t do them.
And you were not a jerk or cruel at all! Rubbing it in her face or being cruel would be something like ‘(Son’s name) can speak UNLIKE YOU, mute!’
I think the stepchild’s mom is being overly sensitive and this kind of attitude will not help her child in life at all.
It will only give off a signal to her, that any time someone does something she can’t, she should feel bad and offended by it. Also very weird that her mother would suggest that your son didn’t even really speak, lol was she there?
Jealous!” User
13. AITJ For Not Telling My Ex-Wife That My New Partner Is Pregnant?
“I have been separated for over a year, and my divorce has been filed but not finalized; the global crisis still has the courts backed up in my area. This was a relationship that lasted 17 years and 13 years of marriage.
We got married young and grew apart. We have three children. All were three adopted because my Ex has fertility issues and we wanted to help children in need. The divorce is amicable and we are splitting assets and child care 50/50.
We have both been seeing other people, and I have been with my partner for a substantial amount of time.
My current partner (soon to be fiance once the divorce is done) is now pregnant; in the first trimester. I was trying to hold off announcing until the second trimester, but my youngest child eight-year-old figured out the secret.
So, I told my three kids that my partner was pregnant and had a talk about it and what that meant for our family. I did not tell my ex as I knew it would hurt her feelings. I did publicly announce through social media on Monday so that my kids had time to process it.
On Wednesday, my ex found out, again from my youngest child, and had an emotional breakdown. She freaked out because I did not message her privately before I announced it. She dropped off our children at my house and flew to visit her family on the other side of the country.
She is refusing to talk to me now because I should have notified her before telling everyone. We do follow each other on all social media, but both of us check it infrequently.
So, am I the jerk for not telling my ex-wife that my current partner is pregnant before my friends and family?”
Another User Comments:
“I think after 17 years together, 13 years of marriage, and 3 children, the ex-wife is family. You will be connected forever through the kids so in that sense, she is family. It would have been better to tell her in private before announcing it to the whole world.
‘I did not tell my ex as I knew it would hurt her feelings.’
So better to let her find out through the youngest child or social media? Very trashy. And did you expect the youngest child not to mention this?
That alone would be a reason to tell her before the kid spills the beans.
YTJ.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You’ve been together for 17 years. She had fertility issues. You knew this would hurt her. If the kid is old enough to figure out a pregnancy, he’s old enough to talk about it to people, especially a parent.
You should have known this would happen. Why not give her a heads-up? If you’re ready to share with the world, you could have let her know privately so that she had time to process it in the absence of the kids.
Sometimes the shock of hearing news from the wrong channel, or being blindsided or backstabbed with it hurts more than the news itself. Have some empathy, otherwise co-parenting will be hard in the future.” crazyPython
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I disagree with many of the responses.
The kids figured out the pregnancy, which has not even passed the ‘safe’ stage. There are two people involved here. I get what people are saying about co-parenting, but the ex is not entitled to know about the partner’s private medical information.
I’m projecting here: my late husband eventually had a civil relationship with his adulterous ex, mainly for the sake of their adult children. However, she was – to say the least – intrusive. (Found out where we were going on honeymoon and booked herself and her affair partner into the same resort, for example.)
After my experiences, I don’t blame anyone for being guarded around their ex.” PurpleAquilegia
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Change Our Custody Agreement?
“I have fifty/fifty custody of three of my kids: Joe (12), Sue (10), and Tim (9).
I also have two other children. We have always alternated custody on Mondays. I drop the kids off at school Monday morning, she picks them up Monday afternoon, and next Monday she drops them and I pick them up.
Lately, Joe and Tim have been fighting a lot.
I’ve been doing my best to handle it at home, but their mother says she can’t deal with it anymore on her end. She wants to split the custody so that half the weeks I have Joe and she has Sue and Tim, and half the weeks she has Joe and I have Sue and Tim.
I would have to agree to this for her to change the custody order. I am against this idea for several reasons.
First, this is unfair to Sue. She would never see her older brother anymore. The two of them get along perfectly well.
Two, this is a bad lesson for the boys. They need to learn conflict resolution. Three, this is hugely inconvenient for me because it would mess up the babysitting schedule, and I always schedule personal medical appointments and overtime at work on the weeks I don’t have the kids, which would no longer exist. Four, I think she’s being really lazy.
I always try to run interference with the boys, and when I drop them off at school, they is usually at least at a begrudging truce. Whenever I pick them up, they are in the middle of a fight, and Sue told me their mom does nothing about the fighting, mostly ignoring it.
I don’t think I should inconvenience everyone to make life easier for my ex-wife, who doesn’t want to do her job as a parent. However, she insists I’m being a huge jerk and putting my needs over those of the boys.
I think she’s being a pot accusing a kettle, but which of us is the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – all of your reasons are completely valid for not changing the time-sharing, and up-ending the schedule should be the last option in my opinion, only after EVERYTHING else has been attempted. It’s a hard age for the kids, with Joe being in middle school and the other 2 being in elementary, so Joe probably feels like Tim’s a baby and doesn’t want to hang out with him.
Which is normal.
Maybe your ex should try putting the boys into therapy or something? It wouldn’t be bad for you to consult with your attorney and see if they have other suggestions before this gets to the mediation stage.” DisneyBuckeye
Another User Comments:
“Her solution sucks and is not realistic. Separating the boys in a house for a few hours when they start acting up is one thing, but to separate them for that long and in the manner that she wants is asinine.
Like you said, they won’t learn anything and it’s not doing any good for anyone. She needs to pull up her pants and put in work like a real mom. Stop digging her head in the sand when they fight and actually do something about the situation.
NTJ, but your wife’s resolution to the problem is very much a jerkish suggestion.” Argenis_82
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, no. Unless the situation is massively, unusually out of control, just keeping the kids separate is not a solution. It teaches avoidance, neglects conflict resolution, and smacks of convenience over building healthy relationships.
It wouldn’t even be a realistic option if you and your ex weren’t divorced. Would your ex be packing one kid off to a relative in those circumstances? Family therapy should be the next step if this really is above the usual growing pains.
All siblings have issues at some point – one of my brothers was so b****y awful between 13 and 16 that the whole family (himself included) still refer to them as his ‘Git-Face Years’!
NTJ.” JustASW
11. AITJ For Not Being Happy That My Stepdad Proposed To My Mom While My Grandpa Was Dying?
“I (19) have been getting calls all day about my grandfather who was in the hospital from an unknown disease. My grandmother found him on the ground at midnight on Wednesday and had to perform CPR. I have been very stressed about this and have not been attending my classes.
My mother called me today several times. The first was around noon and she told me that we needed to wait for an MRI to tell us if he had any brain activity. I got a second call around 6:30 where I was told that he had no brain activity.
I got a third call 2 hours ago where my mother confessed that my stepdad had proposed to her while we were waiting on the MRI and she said yes. My younger sister (13) did not take the news well and I told my mother that it was her decision and that I have no say in the matter because she is an adult.
She did not appreciate those comments and told me that I should have just said congratulations.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think maybe in your head you’re imagining this to have been some romantic proposal, but in reality, it was probably more like, ‘I am here for you, and when this is over I want to get married.’ It’s not like they’re having some happy, wonderful moments.
And by the way, I am not trying to be crass in ANY way, I know how hard losing someone is, but life, unfortunately, goes on for the rest of us, and you can’t just stop living because someone else dies, which is what it sounds like you might be doing.
I know you didn’t ask for advice about it, but you can’t just stop going to class and/or working and living. I am so sorry you’re going through this and I am sorry you’re losing your grandpa.” Rosechick72
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is the most narcissistic thing I’ve heard in some time.
If this was your paternal Grandpa, it’s an appalling lack of empathy for you and your sister. I don’t care if the future Stepdad had it planned and didn’t want to work up to it again another time – live with waiting a while for the proposal and even a few months for the wedding.
Even if Grandpa’s not related to your Mom, you and your sister aren’t going to be able to really have fun at events for a while. If he’s actually your maternal Grandpa and you’re talking about your Mom’s father, that’s even worse.
Doesn’t she even care about her own Dad?
There might be some things between your Mom and Grandpa that you don’t know about, grasping at straws for a way for your Mom not to look so bad. But if so, it wasn’t bad enough for her to keep you away from him.” Pale_Cranberry1502
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ: you were being passive-aggressive, and your response (as you put it) would make it seem that you just straight up don’t approve of their relationship. Yes, your grandfather was dying, but situations like that can cause people to react in various ways.
In your Stepdad’s case, that likely came with a sudden realization of the fragility of life, how much he loves your mother, and how he can’t envision a future where they aren’t married.” Rotting_Whale19
Another User Comments:
“Well, that was a classy move.
If I had proposed to my partner the day her dad died, I would quickly have been wearing several kitchen knives and maybe a lump hammer.
There must surely have been bad b***d between your mother and her father.
I cannot see any circumstance, in my life at least, where this kind of behavior would have been deemed worthy of congratulations.
The good thing though, if that is the word, is that your mother’s partner has just revealed the kind of person he is if you were in any doubt at all.
The bad thing is that it also reveals something about your mother.
NTJ at all and I would feel every bit as upset about it as you and your sister.” Funkyzebra1999
10. AITJ For Leaving My Significant Other's Friend's Birthday Party?
“My (18F) SO (18M) invited me to his friend’s birthday party because he wanted me to meet all of his friends.
I agreed to go because I thought it would be a good way to meet his friends and he’d said he wanted me there.
Immediately after we got there only one of his friends (the one whose birthday it was) introduced himself to me as the rest just stared at me blankly when I said hi.
We entered inside and a group of girls sat down on the other side of me as my SO and his friends were to the right of me.
I tried talking to them and they all ignored me. I tried having a conversation with the guys and they ignored me too. They all left to play pool not asking me if I wanted to join so I went on my phone to text my mom because I was upset and one of the older guys on the complete opposite of the table as me called me ‘naive and ignorant’ for being on my phone.
At this point, I was super upset and I am really sensitive so I went to the bathroom to cry until my food came. My SO texted me when it came so I went and ate it and waited in the car after until my SO was done inside with his friends.
He said it was my fault and that I didn’t have to even come and called me a jerk for ruining the night. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they sound weird and avoidant.
Also going on your phone… isn’t naive… it isn’t even related to the word.
There’s a lot to unpack with that statement.
His friends are probably little wannabe social outcast edge lords. But if he’s saying you ruined the night, his friends are ruining your relationship, and the choice he thinks is more important is obvious.
I am autistic, and at 18 I wouldn’t have left my SO crying in a toilet. Leave that loser.” _Yer_Auld_Da_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Clearly, no one wanted you at the party, and/or they wanted to intimidate you.
It wouldn’t surprise me if any of the girls were romantically interested in your SO and purposely didn’t talk to you just to make you feel unwelcome with that friend group.
The least your SO could’ve done was comfort you and be understanding.
He should’ve seen what his friends were doing and stood up for you.” Gradtattoo_9009
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But. Next time you feel at a party like this, text your mam/call an Uber/rent a bicycle/ask a friend so you can get home without him.
Don’t wait for him in the car. That makes you dependent, and that’s not a place you want to go. If he wants to be with his trashy friends – fine. But you will go somewhere friendly.” FutureVarious9495
9. AITJ For Wanting My Friend To Buy Me A New Copy Of My Book?
“My friend and I have been friends since last year. We get along well and I enjoy hanging out with her. (Both 15F)
I am a huge bookworm, and so is my friend. We both love reading. I am currently reading the Harry Potter series.
2 days ago, we were hanging out at my house and she saw me reading the 3rd book. She told me that she wanted to start reading Harry Potter and she asked me if she could borrow the first one. I was a bit hesitant because I am very protective of my books and try my best not to get them dirty.
I agreed but I told her if she gets them dirty then she’s never borrowing one again, she said that was fine.
Well, today, I went over to her house to go get the book. When she handed me the book, I noticed that inside there was coloring on some of the pages.
Some pages had also been ripped out and they had food stains on them. I was very angry but I calmly asked her what happened. She told me that her little cousin had come over yesterday and that she accidentally left it on the table and she colored all over it.
I asked her why she would leave the book unattended with the kids out and she said she forgot about it. I was very angry and told her she shouldn’t leave books out in the open because it’s very easy to ruin them.
She told me it was not her fault that her cousin decided she wanted to color all over it.
I just left and when I got home I texted her and said that she needs to buy me a new copy.
She kept saying no because it ‘wasn’t her fault’ and that she wasn’t the one who did it so she shouldn’t have to buy me a new one. I don’t know how to feel about this, I mean technically she didn’t color in it but she did leave it unattended with a kid around which is super irresponsible.
I ended up blocking her. I am pretty mad about this but my mom said that I am overreacting and it’s just a book. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People who aren’t bookworms wouldn’t understand. At 15 she is old enough to know right from wrong.
It is her fault because she borrowed it. She should have put it away in a safe place. Once she noticed that it had been ruined she should have bought you a new one. Instead, she just handed it to you, I’d imagine while shrugging her shoulders.
She’s not a friend. And your mother should be more understanding towards your feelings about something that’s so important to you. I am sorry for your book’s destruction.” Sage_Priestess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I am the same way about my books so perhaps I am biased.
I do think that when you borrow something from a friend and you don’t return it in the same condition, you should apologize and ask how to make things right. In your case, that would be buying a new book.
Even if she’s not the one who colored in it, she left it out where it could be damaged, so yes, I think it’s reasonable to ask her to replace it.
If I let a friend borrow a T-shirt and their dog tore it up while it was laying on their bed, I would expect my friend to replace the T-shirt.
It was damaged. They didn’t do it, but they also didn’t make sure to take good care of it. They’re responsible.” MauserGirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, If your friend damaged your book, it is understandable that you would want them to pay for a new one.
You could try discussing the situation with your friend in a calm and respectful manner, explaining how important the book is to you and why you believe they should take responsibility for damaging it. Perhaps they didn’t realize the value of the book to you or the importance of taking responsibility for one’s actions.
If they still refuse to pay for a new book, you could suggest finding a compromise, such as splitting the cost or coming up with an alternative solution together. It’s important to approach the situation with a focus on finding a resolution that is fair and respectful to both parties.” FIVE7_O_RAHRAH
8. AITJ For Unfriending My Sister-In-Law On Social Media?
“I (35f) am chronically ill and going through the process of a kidney and pancreas transplant currently. I don’t use social media much, but all my extended family, friends from high school and college, etc use it.
There’s been a lot going on with my health and everyone’s been hounding me for updates. I found the easiest way to update people, and since my profile is private, is to just post there as I go through the transplant journey.
After my latest appointment with the transplant team, it was a lot of information, so I made a fairly long post about it.
My husband (34m) has 3 younger half-siblings from his mom’s second marriage. The oldest, Jane (20f) is autistic, but is pretty mature for her age, studying to become a doctor at a good university, and although we aren’t super close, we’ve known each other for 15 years and I even used to babysit her and her younger two siblings.
We’ve never had an actual fight in all these years, but as hard as I’ve tried to have a relationship with her and the others, they have always made it very difficult to connect. Maybe that has to do with my husband being the black sheep of the family and they see me as an extension of him.
I’ve tried very hard to reach out to them and spend time with them at family gatherings, just to be treated like I am not really welcome in the family. His parents (mom and stepdad) on the other hand are generally very supportive and loving.
I still continue to send birthday cards and text them to see how they’re doing and 90% of the time get no response. I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t hurt a little that they ice me out so much, but I know you can’t force people to have a relationship with you.
So, last night, after my long update about my upcoming surgeries, Jane commented on my post. It’s very unusual for her to use social media, so I was eager to see it. When I saw her comment, it said ‘yea, not going to read that all, happy for you, or sorry that happened, I don’t really care.’ I was very hurt and thought that was a really nasty thing to say to someone sharing something so important and sensitive.
I told my husband and he admitted he told her via text that it was fine to post. When I was hurt by it, he called me a snowflake and told me she’s autistic so she doesn’t get social norms and why that was rude.
I told him being neurodivergent doesn’t give her license to be mean. We got into a huge fight and he went to bed early.
So AITJ? I didn’t even say anything to her, just quietly removed her from my friend list as she’s obviously not going to want to see my future updates.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The jerk here isn’t your SIL necessarily, but your husband. What she said was at best dismissive, at worst cruel but apparently, she checked with him, thinking that maybe it wasn’t appropriate (and to be fair, maybe she just doesn’t want anything to do with you for whatever reason but she still doesn’t need to make that your problem.
She’d probably be better off just not following you, maybe your husband could have suggested that instead, I don’t know?) And he green-lit it! Then tried to just excuse it with her lack of awareness for social norms… dude… she was on the fence if it might be inappropriate and you totally just missed an opportunity to stick up for and protect YOU, OR be helpful to her!
Then doubled down and mocked you to your face. Hugely cruel! You’re definitely not wrong to be hurt but your SIL isn’t your only or biggest problem.
I used ‘cruel’ several times but cruelty only scratches the surface of your husband’s behavior… disgusting… abhorrent… repugnant… add and substitute liberally and then some.” Ohlook_whatsthat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your partner is enabling her. When people on the spectrum make a social faux pas, family should explain to them what was wrong with what they said. (And also that they do not have to say everything that comes to their head.)
She had the insight to ask her brother for pre-approval, and he set you both up. I would let her know that you were offended and hurt and why (the why is the important part). That was a very cruel comment to make.
Do you really not care about me at all, or did you mean something else? Because if you don’t care about me at all, we shouldn’t be following each other on social media. Then, depending on her answer, block her or maybe offer to be a sounding board in the future since her brother sucks at it.
But if she comes back funky, just remove her and the rest of his family. Though honestly, I would let the guy go too. I can’t imagine one of my kids running that by me (yes, they are on the spectrum) and me not having a sit down about how neurotypical people would interpret that comment.
I have had many conversations with mine about what neurotypical people ‘hear’ when neurodivergent people talk.” OldMammaSpeaks
Another User Comments:
“Autistic or not, homegirl is studying to be a doctor which is a people-facing job for the most part. It would benefit her to at least attempt to LEARN the social norms and what is acceptable and not acceptable so she can set herself up for success.
As it stands, she and your husband are using her disability to excuse her weaponized incompetence – she clearly knew what she was typing was inappropriate if she sent it to your husband. Worse, he approved it and didn’t defend you or think about your feelings.
And then they used autism as an excuse to ‘not know what’s acceptable’ when they both clearly knew what would happen from posting a comment like that. They are both jerks.
You are NTJ and I wholly support your decision to remove someone who has no sensitivity for your journey or struggles or triumphs as you go through this experience.” maddimaddz
7. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Can't Use My Child To Make Up For Her Shortcomings?
“My husband and I live with my mom temporarily, I have an infant. We’ll call infant B.
My mom and I were having conversations one night when she slipped in a comment saying ‘Having B around is like my do-over.
B is all I look forward to at the end of the day.’ The comment broke me for multiple reasons. My mom was not a good parent. My dad wasn’t around so I was passed to my grandparents a lot.
They’re basically the only real parents I have. My mom constantly chose to party and go to bars over caring for me.
This started before I was even a year old. She only started acting like a parent in my late teens, when I was basically an adult.
Even then she acted more as a friend. She was awful to me as a child. I’ve been to therapy for it. After she made the comment about B, I started noticing things.
When she’s home she tells me what to do with B such as ‘you need to give B more vegetables.’ ‘You need to do XYZ with B’ and even tried to get me to put B in the shower with her the other night after I mentioned I was giving B a bath soon.
I don’t even bathe with B. When in public, she constantly will take B in the cart or stroller and walk away from me or take the stroller/cart from me. She will buy stuff for B and then throw it in our faces about how ‘she provides pretty much everything for B.’ She calls B ‘her baby’ and I never thought too much of those things until she made the comment.
I told her B wasn’t her do-over and that I deserved the version of her that B is getting, and I don’t think it’s fair for her to try and use my child to heal her shortcomings as a mother.
She got mad and cried and said that I was being ungrateful for what she did for me and that ‘she did her best at the time.’ I am with B all the time and never pass him off to anyone.
I do everything for B. I feel like I am a good mom. AITJ for being upset with my mom?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But honestly, all grandkids are treated better than their parents bc parenting is something you continuously learn to do better.
Unfortunately, we get the not-great version of the parents and the grandkids get great versions. Try to understand that grandkids will get a better version than you did, and try not to be too upset. But to explicitly say the baby is her do-over is very hurtful and I see why you are upset.” WickedAngelLove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, don’t let her talk to your kid AT ALL when they’re growing. Limit all forms of contact but make sure when your kid is a teen to explain what your mother put you through. Try everything in your power to avoid letting your mom spend time alone with them because these situations can very quickly lead to manipulation and your mom painting you as a bad person to your child.” McXaven
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and she is sounding possessive in an unhealthy way. The way that you describe it, her actions ARE a way of finding healing for not being that kind of mother for you, because let’s face it… she was not there for you and she didn’t get to do all the healthy mothering with you as you grew up.
She should not be using your child after treating your childhood as a mulligan.
Stand your ground and I would see if you were able to find a place with other family or friends that understand. Good luck OP.” True-Tomatillo-4720
6. AITJ For Telling My Pregnant Friend To Find A Sustainable Job?
“My friend (24F) is a full-time waitress and recently got pregnant and asked me for my advice on keeping it or not. I wasn’t about to tell her what to do, so instead, I just asked logical and realistic questions, e.g. it costs around 300k to raise a kid.
That’s 1400 a month. Can you do that? You also live with roommates who probably don’t want to hear a crying baby. Can you afford to move somewhere else?
Her answer was that she isn’t ready to have a kid, but can be when it comes, aka apparently has $10k saved up.
Anyways, I won’t comment on that anymore. But to continue, I suggested maybe she think about something more sustainable instead of being a night waitress. It’s inconsistent in a volatile industry. And it’s at night. Sure doing it now is easy bc you’re young but imagine going to your 7 pm to 2 am shift after taking care of a baby all day.
And vice versa, being able to take care of a baby after working all night.
She took this offensively and then passive-aggressively started sending me TikToks about how waitresses and bartenders ‘who don’t have real jobs’ make in one night what I make in 2 weeks (maybe not really aimed at me because I make $150k).
And then started to go on a rant about how she knows so many people who are waitresses and have families.
I told her she twisted my words. Never said she didn’t have a real job, I said maybe a job that isn’t sustainable.
I gave her the example of when I worked for an investment firm as an overnight trader. Obviously, a real job, just not sustainable.
I don’t know, I just thought my suggestion was a good one… Maybe too opinionated?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
However, I don’t think the issue is waitressing per se as being non-sustainable.
There are very few jobs that enable a single parent without a family willing to provide free daycare because quality daycare is extremely expensive. If you are extremely wealthy, then you can afford to hire a nanny or use a very high-quality licensed care facility.
OR you can find an employer that offers daycare on the facilities as part of the benefits package.
So the issue is that she has a completely unrealistic idea of how difficult it will be. For her to BRAG that she has $10,000 saved shows how little she understands the economics and logistics of raising a kid.
As you point out, she is going to have to find a new apartment – and probably one where she lives by herself. She is going to have to get some kind of furniture as well as baby stuff. You can scrounge around and minimize the cost but it is still expensive and the baby turns into a toddler so the costs keep going on.
She is young. Obviously, she isn’t in the kind of committed relationship where the man seems to be in the picture offering support – economic, emotional, and logistical.
Obviously, it is a woman’s choice but I would never have chosen to have a baby at 24 under those circumstances.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You unloaded a bunch of crap on her when she needed support. You seem to confuse ‘sustainable’ with ‘consistent.’ And who are you to speak for her roommates, family, and friends? Just because you’re not a reliable part of a support system, you’re telling her no one is.
You acted like a mean, petty person, when you really don’t have any facts at all. A good server can clear hundreds a night, remote work is increasingly plentiful, and there is this thing called CHILDCARE.
I hope she drops you immediately.
You delight in her pain and wallow in ignorance.” External-Hamster-991
Another User Comments:
“These are big questions she’s going to have to answer. Being a waitress can be great money, but it’s exhausting work, and unreliable. Add that to a night shift, it’s just not realistic with a newborn.
And her housing situation is no longer going to work. If this was a child, sure. But we’re talking about an infant. Most roommates are not going to want to deal with that.
Her entire situation sounds like it’s something she could make do with when you have a child, not a newborn where the guy isn’t emotionally all-in.
If she wants advice on what to do here, then she has to at least think about these questions in order to get the answer for herself. No one can tell her what to do here, but deep diving into this situation and looking at the future without rose-colored glasses is what she has to do to find her answers.
NTJ.” Oliviarose85
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Care Of My Mother-In-Law?
“My (23f) husband (25m) is one of five siblings, six if you count his stepbrother (his mother is no longer married to stepbrother’s father).
His mother never worked a regular job a day in her life, everything has always been under the table for her.
She has no insurance, no savings, no retirement, and is now in a condition where working is no longer an option. She also cannot file for disability because she hasn’t done her taxes in years I believe. She is currently living with the oldest sister with her (mother’s) partner who is much older than her.
Alright onto the situation.
My sister-in-law is nearly thirty and has been taking care of my mother-in-law for years now, in turn, my mother-in-law watches my sister-in-law’s kids. MiL is basically bed bound, and whenever she goes anywhere, she takes a wheelchair because her legs are old and can no longer support her weight.
She can still walk short distances and is able to clean up after herself, as I’ve seen her do it once.
At our last get-together last year, my sister-in-law said she was trying to move house and that it’ll be my and my husband’s turn to take care of his mother.
I flat-out said ‘no’.
My reasoning for saying no is as follows: A. His mother is Jehovah’s Witness; I am a practicing Wiccan and belong to the Satanic temple. B. His mother does not clean up after herself and expects others to do it for her.
C. She pulled a stunt at our wedding and that made him go very low contact with her. D. She’s recently getting back into drinking and doing substances. (She used to do pills and other substances, even while she was pregnant.)
Edit note: all but two of the 5 siblings are low or no contact with MIL for different reasons.
The conversation ended at that, but my Sister-in-law sounded a bit upset that I had said no.
Fast forward to around Sunday or Monday this week, and my husband gets a call from his sister.
The call lasts about four hours or so, and my sister-in-law had obviously been drinking and had said as much as well.
Though this wasn’t the main reason for the call, she started to talk about how she’s the only one that can take care of my mother-in-law and how she won’t be able to do anything (get married, move, etc.) until their mother is dead.
My husband tried to reiterate our reasons for not taking her, but his sister kept saying, ‘I’m the only one that can handle it.’
I know she’s just stressed and depressed, and I’m not in any way upset at her at all.
She deserves to be able to do whatever she wants with her life. She is honestly an amazing person, but I know her mother is guilting her into taking care of her.
I still can’t help but feel I’m the jerk because I won’t even consider taking my mother-in-law in.
Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Two sayings come to mind: ‘No is a complete sentence.’ And ‘you can’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm.’ You said no, don’t light yourself on fire.
If your husband has 5 siblings then they, as a family, need to decide on a plan everyone can get behind.
That may be a home, and that may be some kind of monetary exchange so the current sister can get some in-home help in exchange for continuing to house MIL. As a spouse, I think being in the room for that discussion would be helpful, but not vital. Let them figure it out.
Your husband sounds like he is holding strong against the move-in idea, do whatever you can to show him support in holding firm. He’s going to take the brunt of SIL’s ire.” MizZo2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Frankly she sounds horrible and I don’t blame any of her kids for not wanting to deal with her issues.
The medical/care ones are only going to get worse. She refuses to do anything to help herself and her entire situation is due to her awful personality and really bad life choices.
Honestly, in SIL’s place, I’d find a new place to live, pack up my kids and just go.
Give notice on the lease or wait for it to renew, whatever. Let the landlord know right before departure that they might have to call local officials to evict her, but just LEAVE. She can work on how to pay the rent or whatever.
Social services can then get involved in spite of her refusal to cooperate and work out where to put her going forward. None of her children are under any legal or moral obligation to do anything more for her. I wouldn’t usually hold with abandonment like this, but she is essentially holding SIL hostage and being as difficult as possible to force the issue.
Walk away.” Dipping_My_Toes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have valid reasons for not wanting to take care of your mother-in-law, including your religious differences, her cleanliness habits, her behavior at your wedding, and her recent issues with substance abuse.
It’s not fair for your sister-in-law to guilt you into taking care of her, especially when she has been taking care of her for years. It’s important to set boundaries and stick to them, and it sounds like you and your husband have already done that.
It’s understandable that your sister-in-law is stressed and depressed, but that doesn’t mean she can pressure you into taking on a responsibility that you’re not comfortable with.” Waxmaniac2
4. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Friend Drive My Car In An Emergency?
“My (27F) friend (Paul – 27M) is generally an okay guy. We’re not super close by any means but I like him and hanging out with him alone is as fun as hanging out with our group of friends.
There’s one thing about Paul that I absolutely hate. He’s just a tad bit irresponsible. He doesn’t seem to realize that you need to be extra careful with things you borrow from other people.
Long story short, I let him borrow my car three times.
He crashed it. Thrice. I couldn’t believe this guy. After that day, I made it very clear that I wouldn’t let him borrow my car anymore, especially because he does not care to pay for gas or any other damage, nor does he show remorse or try to be more mindful.
He was annoyed but didn’t ask to borrow it again.
Two days ago, Paul called me past midnight and asked to borrow my car. He sounded desperate but I still said no. He then told me that his 14-year-old sister (who he was babysitting for the night) broke her ankle and he really needed to get her to the hospital. I hesitated a little bit but still said no. He was almost begging and I felt bad for his sister so I offered to drive them both instead.
He refused so fast I flinched.
He said it’s not safe. I asked him why he thought so. Then he said that women are statistically bad drivers and he didn’t want to endanger his sister. I was livid and started ranting about how I was a better driver than him because if he was so good, he wouldn’t be crashing my car every time he borrowed it.
We got into a heated argument until he realized his sister was in pain (I’m assuming). Again, he said to let him borrow it just one last time. He said I could come with them to the hospital and sit in the passenger seat to keep an eye on him.
I didn’t relent. I said if he wants me to drive his sister to the hospital, I’d gladly do it but he’s not getting my car again.
He didn’t say anything and just hung up. I called him a cab and went to sleep.
Then I woke up to some raging texts from him. Talking about how he didn’t expect me to be such a ‘selfish jerk’, making his sister sit in the backseat of a ‘dingy cab’. I reminded him that the offer to let me drive his sister to the hospital was right there.
He refused to take it.
None of my friends think I’m a jerk but a few of them strongly feel that I should’ve let Paul borrow my car just one last time considering it was an emergency and that I could’ve been more flexible.
I don’t really agree with them but I want to know what you guys think. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Hard NTJ and you’re too good for this world since you let him crash your car thrice. Also, you offered to drive his sister to the hospital, which was generous and best-friend behavior in itself.
Your ‘friend’ is a major jerk though. The audacity to say that men are better drivers after crashing your car three times is beyond everything.
With friends like this, you don’t need enemies. I would reconsider if this friendship is really worth it.
For me, that would be a hard pass.” FRL-Myke
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He’s already shown several times over he can neither be trusted to drive your car safely and responsibly nor can he be trusted to repair the damage done by his driving.
First off he drops a sexist reason for refusing your offer to drive them to the hospital when statistically he is a terrible driver.
I’ll swing a guess he doesn’t have his own car because he’s probably written off so many that his insurance payments are eye-wateringly high?
Then for the icing on the cake, he calls you selfish when you’ve lent your car three times to him where he hasn’t paid you for either fuel or damages…
This ‘friend’ has done nothing but take and is now angry his terrible driving and selfishness have stopped you from lending your car to him.” Vox_Casei
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – First, Paul is not your friend. A friend would not treat you or your property so irresponsibly. Paul is a manipulator and a leach. Second, why would you let Paul borrow your car two more times after he smashed it the first time?
That’s your fault. Paul manipulates you and you let him. And I don’t believe the broken ankle story, because if it really was an emergency he would have taken you up on the offer of the ride and the ‘men are better drivers’ comment is beyond ridiculous given his track record.
I would block Paul’s number and let him manipulate someone else.” Abject_Researcher_12
3. AITJ For Telling My Stepmom That She Shouldn't Expect To Be Included In My Maternal Family's Traditions?
“My mom died when I (19f) was 7 and my two younger brothers were 5 and 4. Our dad started seeing new people a year later. He met Sarah when I was 9 and they got married when I was 11.
Sarah had a daughter who was 2 when they moved in, which was about a year after they started going out. Sarah and my dad also had my three half-siblings together. So I have 1 stepsister who is now 11 and three half-siblings who are 8, 7, and 6.
My brothers are 17 and 16.
My dad stayed pretty close to my maternal family and they were welcoming to Sarah and my stepsister and half-siblings. They were not regular family. But birthdays were remembered and there was friendliness there. My maternal family saw them as sort of family friends.
But Sarah was not their new daughter and my stepsister and half-siblings were not considered additional grandchildren. My dad understood this and there were times my brothers and I did stuff with our maternal family without everyone else.
The problem comes in because dad mentioned to Sarah at some point in their marriage that my grandma had a cookbook that every member of the family had added a recipe to.
He added one when he married my mom, mom added one when she was 15. Her siblings added one as kids. My brothers and I all have a recipe in there. Our cousins too. Aunts and uncles related not through b***d but through marriage have a recipe in it.
Sarah waited to be asked to add a recipe. She also told my stepsister and half-siblings that they would get to add a recipe too. When my stepsister said she knew the recipe she wanted to add Sarah decided to ask my grandma when they could add their recipes and my grandma said she never planned to ask them to add recipes and she hoped Sarah would understand it was for their family.
Sarah and my dad argued about it. I learned about it from my brothers when I visited for Christmas. They said Sarah and the other kids were upset that it wasn’t going to happen and Sarah was saying they were part of the family and it was unfair to exclude them.
I was home again for my dad’s birthday last week and Sarah was angry that my maternal family was invited to dad’s birthday. I told her she was behaving like a child who couldn’t let go of something. My stepmom said being excluded from your own family is hurtful.
That it was hurtful to children especially. I told her she and her kids were never part of my maternal family, they were welcomed as family friends because of dad and my brothers and me, and she should understand that and never have expected they would be included in the recipe book.
Sarah said I was rude and kicked me out of the house. She told me I owe her a big apology.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments
“NTJ… your mother’s family owes your stepmother, and quite frankly owes your father, not one thing.
They truly are good people for maintaining the relationship with your father how they have.
Anecdotally, my wife lost her mother when she was just a bit older than you. My FIL will still stop in and visit some of his former in-laws when he’s in town and I always thought that was way above board because in my crappy family, we shut the door and move on fast.
Nothing owed to her. Apologize if you want, but they’re in the wrong.” GonzoTheGreat22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can see where the shock comes from since the boundaries don’t seem to have actually been spelled out to her till now, but they don’t have any direct connection to that family.
Not everyone thinks in familial ties, so if she felt close enough to consider them family then of course it is going to hurt when told that they will never see her the way she sees them due to, in her mind, arbitrary reasons.
It’s important to empathize for this reason, since they will definitely be hurt by rejection. You were not wrong in what you said, but hopefully, you can see how it hurt her (although you don’t owe an apology even though she was hurt, in this case).
They can start their own recipe book though since they have ideas already. You could, if you wanted, start one and give it to them. It would help them move on, acting as a bridge without having to actually apologize (since one is not owed).
It’s really up to you.” EmptyVisage
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the truth is the truth. She is the son-in-law’s second wife. That doesn’t make her family to the family of his first wife.
If she’s that entitled, that’s a her problem, but resolving this is going to be tricky.
Maybe family counseling, or a sit-down discussion where your dad delivers the reality check will help.” MelodyRaine
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Sell A House I Co-Own?
“4 years ago, three of my friends, (26F, 27M, 27F) and I (27F) purchased a house together.
For the first year, we fixed it up to make it livable, then in April 2020 we all moved in. Since we moved in my roommates have all gotten into relationships, and as of September 2022 have all moved out. We are all listed on the mortgage and we still split the payments, I pay 50% and all utilities and they split the other 50% between them.
Apparently, they got together, without me, and decided that they no longer want to pay for a house that they aren’t using (though they are still able to, as they all still have their rooms furnished, and have keys to the house.)
When they told me about their plan, I refused. I still live in the house and don’t have the means to switch to renting. I even offered to pay more of the mortgage, 70% instead of 50, so their financial burdens would be less.
They told me that we should handle it democratically and since it was 3-1, I am outnumbered and should submit. They told me that they were researching realtors in the area and once they decided on one, they would be listing the house.
It’s a nice house in a great location and would definitely sell quickly.
I know legally they would need me to sign off on the selling since I am on the title, and a legal owner, but am I the jerk for holding out?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Can you afford to buy them out and refinance a mortgage in your name only? That’s the only way you’re staying in that house. The other 3 co-owners are done with it. You can’t force them to maintain a property long term that they no longer want to own.
The best you can expect is your fair share of any profit when this shared asset is sold.
Unless you and they are agreeable to having renters join you in the household. With rent split 4 ways among the owners, who continue to own and pay the mortgage as originally agreed.” curious382
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but let this be a warning to others, do not buy a property with friends if you want to keep your friends.
Your friends cannot just get a realtor and sell the house out from under you.
I doubt any realtor would even agree to take the listing when the current owner of the property is refusing to sell; how would they list it? ‘Maybe 4/5ths of the house for sale’?
What your friends CAN do is rent out their space(s) to people you don’t want to live with.
They could refuse to pay the mortgage anymore, and handle the consequences of that as they come.
OR, you can name your price, and they can all buy you out. It might be worth it to them to give you the entire profit off the house if it means they’re off the hook.
I suggest you talk to your own property lawyer and see the best way forward for YOU.” claireclairey
Another User Comments:
“No one is the jerk here. Yet. This is a business decision. Pure and simple. You have two options.
The first one is to sell with them. Since you still live there, I doubt this option sounds good. Your second option is to buy their parts of the ownership. This means that you will take full ownership and the full mortgage will be your responsibility.
And if you can’t afford this, then your only option left is to sell. Not only would it not be fair to them to keep paying for a house they don’t live in, but they could also make a profit from selling the house.
You could keep refusing to sell the house. But at that point, they will likely lawyer up and a court will force you to either take full ownership (after paying your roommates a price everyone agrees on) or sell along with them.
As stated before, no one is a jerk yet. But you will be the jerk for sure if you don’t sell or buy them out.” Oscman7
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They don’t need you to sign anything, all they need to do is take you to court which would demand you either buy them out or sell.
You cannot force people to subsidize your housing at their own expense. You will not only be forced to buy out or sell but will end up being responsible for the cost of their legal fees and court fees, and possible differences in housing price adjustments if they are losing on the sale because of your hindering.” Endy_Bendy
1. AITJ For Wanting To Be The One To Drive?
“Since we were married, my wife always wanted to drive when we go places together (and now as a family).
She originally said she got car sick, so I went with it for a long time, even though it made me feel uncomfortable.
It has been bothering me more and more lately. Especially when we are at social events and everyone’s leaving and I am sitting in the passenger seat waving bye to everyone getting into their cars, feeling like a child.
I brought it up in a marriage counseling session recently (this is more of a maintenance-type thing that we’ve been doing for a long time), and our counselor recommended that she give me a chance to drive. She wasn’t happy at all but agreed to try it out.
Every time I’ve driven now she has been extremely bitter. She’ll sit in the passenger seat stewing away in anger. One-word responses were very cold. She mentioned that ‘this is the one thing that I can control and now I don’t have that.’ (Funny enough didn’t mention car sickness at all).
It’s been 5 or 6 times now that we’ve done this. Each time I bring it up she gets mad. She won’t refuse, but she will be miserable.
I am not going to lie, my reasoning for wanting to drive is that I believe the husband should.
It’s embarrassing for me when others see me sitting in the passenger seat being driven by my wife. It’s emasculating. When I started driving, my daughter even asked me why I was driving. When I responded ‘Daddy drives too,’ she responded with ‘but you don’t!’
Her reasoning is that she gets car sick (but hasn’t complained about it once being in the passenger seat) and that she loses some sort of control. She has stated that she hates that our Counselor gave that suggestion.
AITJ for wanting to be the driver when we go places as a family?
Should I just let her drive and deal with it even though it makes me feel uncomfortable and a bit disrespected as a Husband?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Lots of people get carsick if they aren’t driving. And feeling like you are about to throw up sucks.
Especially when the only reason you are feeling that way is that someone else is way too insecure to help you and enlisted someone else’s help to make you feel that way. And I am betting if your wife stopped forcing herself not to puke in the car while you were driving you would not see it as your fault and you probably wouldn’t help clean it up.
Of course, your wife is upset about losing control, control over not feeling like crap. How lovely of you to do that to her because of your insecurity problem.” dr-sparkle
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except for the daughter.
‘I am sitting in the passenger seat waving bye to everyone getting into their cars, feeling like a child.’
Perhaps the counseling can help you feel that driving isn’t a male/female thing. It’s a necessary skill that all people need to have.
‘She mentioned that ‘this is the one thing that I can control and now I don’t have that.”
I would investigate this comment a little more. Sounds like she is expressing that she doesn’t have control in other areas of her life.
I say everyone sucks here because this seems like a power struggle and a lack of proper communication on both parts. I applaud you for going to marriage counseling. Keep going and dig a little deeper. It seems like this driving thing is just the tip of the iceberg.” chispa100
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Her statement about this being the one thing she can control speaks VOLUMES.
It is pretty clear from that statement and your idea of things ‘the husband’ should do that your wife feels as if you treat her like property rather than a partner.
She obviously feels as if you are controlling things and now you’ve taken the one thing she felt she had control of. If she really feels this way dude, your marriage isn’t going to last. No person wants to be treated like the property of another.
If you want to save your marriage you need to take a hard look at how you treat your wife and your idea of gender and partner roles before you’re driving your ‘family’ on your custody time.” cryssylee90
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You shouldn’t have confronted her in front of the counselor, you should have first asked her and been honest about your feelings.
She should have enough respect for you to let you drive sometimes. There are a thousand more reasons why you should drive apart from ones driven by your insecurity.
It looks like a power battle between the two of you and that’s nasty. Basically a contest of who has control over each other, establishing the social hierarchy. Try to suppress your tribal urges and talk about them.
Just the fact that you want to drive should be a valid reason for her to let you.
How often, that’s up to your agreement. But for her to demand that you never drive is just controlling and tribal behavior.” Muph_o3
