People Seek Honesty In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Walking Out Of My Church Graduation After Being Mocked?
“So, I just graduated a few weeks ago, and we did the normal school graduation. We always do a similar, though smaller ceremony for the seniors graduating at my church, so we just did it this past Sunday.
So my friend group is pretty much just my church friends.
I’m very close with a few of them, and some others I just kinda deal with because they’re in it. Early on in high school, I was kind of the punching bag for jokes and other things with the group, mostly with the people I didn’t care for as much.
I wanted friends though, and they were kind of all I had, so I dealt with it. It’s eased up a bit in the last 2 years or so, but there are still a few jokes that come up and make me upset. I don’t think I’ve got thin skin, but they’re just irritating.
This leads to this girl the year below me at church who I’ve been crushing on for a while. We’ve talked and I consider her a friend. Unfortunately, she’s also pretty close with the ringleader for these jokes in my friend group, and seemingly through his influence is aware of the jokes.
She doesn’t partake but knows of their existence and all that. She tells me she and her best friend are doing this brief part at our graduation ceremony, like giving out superlatives for the graduating class. I know with how close we are that I’m going to be involved in one of them, so I ask her what mine’s going to be, and she says it’s a surprise.
I prod a bit but leave it there, but I tell her, that I’d like her to not have it be one of these jokes.
Come Sunday, we all walk in, our names on the board and all that. After a little talking, she and her friend go up and start doing their bit.
They get to what I imagine is the last superlative, and it’s straight up one of the jokes I asked her not to bring up. I could feel my face go red as she said it, and my friends started busting out laughing. So I got up, walked out of the aisle like I was walking up, and turned to head for the door as she said my name.
I walked out and went outside to my car. I got in, locked it backed up, and saw another one of my friends walking out of the door, looking for me. I threw him the finger and left. My phone started blowing up, naturally, and I ignored them all.
I’ve told the only 2 friends in the group who I consider real friends that I’m fine, and if they want to hang out, I’m still available, I ignored the rest including the girl who I’m naturally, no longer crushing on. I leave for the Army in about 4 weeks, and I just plan on seeing those 2 friends and ignoring the rest of them until then.
My parents got home not long after I did. They were naturally curious and I explained it to them, my dad thought it was funny, and my mom said that while she didn’t blame me, I could’ve gone about it a better way. Is my mom right about handling this better or was I justified?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You handled it better than most might, even some way above your age. You didn’t start yelling or cause more of a scene than necessary, you left. If these people can’t realize that it bothered you, or get even an inkling that it might upset you when you are TELLING them to their face, then they’re not friends. Enjoy your 4 weeks with your two good friends and leave these folks behind you.
Hope you do well in the Army. Good luck!” Beneficial_Local1012
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for walking out. What was the alternative? Collect the award & pretend it’s ok? Forget that. You specifically asked this girl not to do the joke & she did it anyway.
What a bunch of bullies. You took the high road because if that were me, I wouldn’t have left without making a scene. You did what was most comfortable for you to do. You’d had enough by that point & you weren’t going to put up with it anymore.
Best of luck to you in the Army. You won’t have to deal with these turds anymore.” NOTTHATKAREN1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- You stood up and did what’s right. That is courage, and exactly what any country should want in their serving military. I hope the leader of your church had a long, hard word with them about them being poor examples of Christians for the younger members of the congregation.
I also hope you get wonderful things out of serving your country! Very best of luck!” Ebechops
18. AITJ For Refusing To Cut Off Contact With My Maternal Family For My Step-Siblings?
“I (17m) have a complicated blended family history that I should try to explain.
Dad and Mom had me and my sister Kali (15f). Mom passed away when Kali was 3 and I was 5.
Dad was never that close to his family but mom was close to hers and Kali and I were close to them too. Dad was not.
My dad’s wife had her oldest (13) before she got married for the first time. With her ex-husband, she had two kids (10 and 9).
During her first marriage, she and her husband took in his nieces (12 and 8). Her ex-husband and his whole family got arrested and her nieces didn’t know their father. So she kept them and raised them (with my dad). She also took custody of her nephew (7) while she and my dad were seeing each other.
I could be a little off on the timeline. This stuff happened but of course, I didn’t know her during most of it.
Now they have a 4 and 3-year-old together.
And they’ve been married for 6 years (they only saw each other for 14 or 15 months and she started seeing dad while she was in the middle of her divorce).
Of all the kids in our house, my sister and I are the only ones with extended family in our lives, our maternal grandparents and aunts, uncles and cousins. Dad’s parents didn’t want anything to do with kids that weren’t b***d so Dad finally stopped all contact with his family, though his family never cared much for Kali or me either.
His wife’s parents are dead and her brother isn’t around for his son and the mother of his son and her family aren’t involved. Her ex-husband’s family are all still in prison and the father of his nieces is still unknown.
My maternal family doesn’t want to be involved in the others, just Kali and me.
Which annoys my dad and annoys his wife and the kids get upset because they want to have more people too. They want to go to BBQs and grandparent sleepovers and cousin sleepovers. But just Kali and I get that. It’s become such a huge deal that my dad and his wife tried to tell Kali and me we couldn’t see our family as much.
They tried to take advantage of certain circumstances by making us all do family things together in the hope we wouldn’t tolerate the other kids being excluded if we loved them more than we loved our maternal side. It didn’t work.
Dad told Kali and me recently he was putting his foot down and we were not to talk to our family anymore.
He said they were a bad influence and taught us to close off our hearts to our family. He said he never should have let things continue this long. He said it wasn’t fair to the other kids and what they were going through. I asked him why his stepkids and his younger bio kids are more important to him than Kali and me, why is their happiness and their wants more important.
Dad told me I wasn’t being logical or fair to him. I told him we didn’t owe them cutting off our family for them. I told him he should be putting us first too. We’re still his and we don’t have another parent to advocate for us.
He told me I should show more compassion and love for my siblings. Not just Kali.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad is encouraging you to destroy the last remaining link you have to your mother just to appease his new wife and the other kids and that’s not fair.
Your mom’s side is the people who can tell you about her in ways that your dad can’t (and probably wouldn’t anyway, from the sound of it) and give you a sense of history. I imagine it would be heartbreaking for them to lose you and Kali after already losing their daughter.
It sucks that your step/bio sibs don’t have extended family, but that’s not on you. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.” g00dboygus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad is being unreasonable and unfair. Understandably, he wants a united family, but he can’t force you to prioritize his other children over your grandparents and extended family.
You and your sister have a right to maintain your relationships with your mother’s side of the family, and it’s not your responsibility to compensate for the other kids’ lack of extended family.” Angelic_Lorna
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Ensure you keep in contact with both sets of family despite your dad’s attempts to isolate you from them.
Let them know what’s going on. Stay with your dad till your sister is 18 and you can both legally leave and cut all ties with him and the do-overs. Remind him that this is what will happen. You will willingly drop one member of your family, him, to have all your extended family.
In his stupid attempts to punish the extended family for not wanting a relationship with his wife’s family he is punishing everyone, and in the end, the only one who will suffer is him.” stiggley
17. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister's Family After They Mistreated My Puppy And Broke My Late Grandma's Vase?
“So I, 28F, moved to the US three years ago with my husband, 30M, after getting our Greencards approved. We moved to central Florida, notorious for all its tourist attractions.
Since we moved, my sister, 33F, and her family (Husband 37M, nephew 13M, and niece 11F) have visited every year around this time. We love to host and even bought a house to accommodate family and friends visiting (2 guest beds).
The issue started on the 3rd day of their visit.
I left the night before for a night shift at the hospital and my husband had a very early one. When I got home by 1 pm, I found my puppy (9month) locked in the garage! He doesn’t have access to that area because there is no AC there (this is Florida in the summer!) and I’m afraid he will run away when the door opens.
It was pure luck that he was lying down so close to the entry door, or I could have run him over before I saw him! He was lethargic and breathing heavily, so I immediately took him to the vet. He was overheated and dehydrated. And he could have passed if I hadn’t gotten there when I did.
I finally returned home at about 7 pm. When I entered, I instantly saw my favorite vase (I got it from my late grandma) wasn’t on the center table. I opened the trash only to find it there, in pieces. I was already fuming about my puppy.
When I pulled up the images from the house cameras I had recently installed because of the dog. In the images, I saw that at 9ish the kids said goodbye to my husband and their parents and when they left, they proceeded to discuss whose turn was it to break something.
My nephew argued that he had done it last year, so it was my niece’s turn. My niece then proceeded to throw 1 glass on the floor. At this point, my puppy got fussy and started barking. They got annoyed so they took him to the garage before returning, picking up my vase and smashing it on the floor.
When their parents returned they simply said they had an accident. My sister cleaned it up and they made their way to the parks!
My b***d boiled. I immediately packed their bags and put them by the door (my husband arrived and helped out).
As soon as they arrived I told them how their kids behaved, that they caused harm to my dog and broke something irreplaceable to me. My sister tried to argue that it was an accident and that they were just kids and I shoved the video into her face.
She still tried to argue saying we were family and she didn’t have money to pay for a hotel for the rest of the trip and it was the middle of the night. I simply stated I didn’t care and she had to take her little monsters away from me.
She left screaming and then crying. This morning I woke up to several messages in the family group calling me all sorts of names for kicking them out in a different country and how I was being mean. My mom wrote about how disappointed she was with me.
I didn’t have the energy to reply to anyone back yet, but before I do… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’d be pressing charges for the poor pup if you can, maybe then she’ll realize how serious it is. Id never have her or her brats in my house ever again.
She deserved it for defending her kids when the evidence was right there. Well done op for sticking up for yourself and your poor doggo. If you can’t press charges I’d cut her out of my life completely for that. She could have killed your dog with her negligence and refusal to watch her kids.” CryptographerHot8184
16. AITJ For Expecting My Mom To Defend Me From Body Shaming Relatives?
“I (30F) recently gave birth to a baby girl in April. Even pre-pregnancy I was slightly overweight (for my 175 cm height 168 pounds is the maximum weight I can be for a normal BMI) but my pre-pregnancy weight was 175 pounds. At the 40th week of my pregnancy, I was at 189 pounds.
However, after birth, I lost about 20 pounds.
For a month and a half I had little to no milk supply, so I purposely ate foods that I knew would increase my milk supply and now after 3 months postpartum I am currently at 183 pounds.
My mom’s brother and his wife visited us last weekend and the previous night I had just 2 hours of sleep so I was sleeping alongside baby in the morning around 11:30 am.
My mom’s SIL (45F) barged into my bedroom and woke me up and she was like, oh god, you have gained so much weight, your cheeks have gotten so fat. Then she left the room and went to the kitchen and told my mom, ‘Tell your daughter not to just keep eating and sleeping.
She has just packed on pounds like crazy.’
And my SIL was fat-shaming my mom too as if she was just sitting simply at home. My mom is at her menopausal stage and also eating a ton of medicines (she broke her leg in April) for her leg fracture as well as high BP and my mom just takes it like she takes mistreatment from my dad.
Then we go into the room where my mom’s brother and SIL are and my mom says to her SIL that I was upset about what she said. To which my SIL replies that she did say what the truth was, I should start exercising and my uncle agrees with her and shames me further.
My mom smiles and laughs with them. They proceed to call my baby a troublemaker (3-month-old baby) and I call them out and they berate me for not being able to take a joke.
The next day I asked my mom when are you gonna start defending me?
4 years ago, I had to leave my job as I was in a different country borders were closed for more than a year and I was unwell and people were dying and my parents wanted me to come home and get well. But then they forced me to do trivial jobs in their businesses and no matter how much I tried I couldn’t get out until I got married. We went to a family function back then and a group of elderly relatives who didn’t know the situation were making fun of me for not doing anything useful with my life.
My mom just stands there not speaking up for me when she very well knows I’m the one paying for the household stuff and their living expenses from my savings from my job. I spent my entire savings on them.
I asked her why wouldn’t ever stand up for me and she said ‘I see nothing wrong with what people said to you in both situations.
I fear for the people who have to look at you right now for how much you have gained. And she starts to shout at me that I’m being a terrible mother by not concentrating on raising my daughter and overthinking things when I’m in the wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your actual weight is irrelevant. You could weigh 100 pounds more and it still isn’t someone else’s place to discuss. But this is more about your family than your weight anyway. They are comfortable talking down to you and any problems you have with that don’t matter to them.
I don’t know how comfortable you are going to NC, but it might be best, at least for a while. I am sorry about your PPD. My wife went through that as well, with a lack of milk production being a major contributor. What you’re going through is difficult enough on its own.
Anyone that can’t be supportive needs to take a backseat. You get to prioritize yourself and your family of three. I hope you’re able to find a way to do so.” Something-Cool-
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why do you need your mommy to defend you?
You are an adult, and perfectly capable of defending yourself. It’s not your mom’s job or responsibility to manage your life – she has a life and problems of her own. It sounds like standing up to her In-Laws would be a major lifestyle change for her and not something she’s willing to take on right now – and it’s not your place to demand that of her.
Consider this: what these people say DOES NOT MATTER – because they are not part of your life and have no power over you unless you give it to them. They are as forgettable as any random stranger at the grocery store who might have made an annoying comment.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“Gently YTJ. I am wondering why you think Mom would stand up for you when she can’t stand up for herself. It seems as if she gets the same mistreatment from SIL and dad. Of course, she isn’t going to defend you, she can’t defend herself.
Your anger is misplaced and should be directed towards SIL. Have you defended your mom against the mistreatment she is suffering? It seems to be as if you are slightly as bad as they are. Mom is an easy target. She is meek and quiet.
Refocus your anger at the aggressor.” Electrical_Ad4362
15. AITJ For Laughing At My Sister's Accusation At Our Grandma's Birthday Party?
“So today, it was my grandma’s 90th birthday party. My entire family came, alongside my sister’s significant other who we’ll call A (18F/18M). I should acknowledge the fact that (19F) and my sister have had a rocky relationship and I cut her out for a few years when she moved in with my dad (I also don’t have a relationship with him).
However, over the past few months (her significant other and mine have been encouraging us to have one) we’ve been speaking and creating a relationship.
For context, the reason we stopped speaking was that for 5 years she was the “problem child”, causing issues within the family and outside, having the police called on her, running away multiple times, etc. My family has 7 children and she’s the only one that has created these sorts of problems so it isn’t a parenting issue.
She would blame me for everything saying that I’m horrible to her (definitely was at some points, although I think it was in retaliation and not unjustified) and that I’m the reason she acts out.
Now back to today, me and her significant other A are the only ones in the family that smoke bar my uncle, so we were all outside together.
Well, my sister joined us sometimes, and we were chatting away. I would say I have a decent relationship with A and it’s small talk while we have a smoke so I see no big deal. Well, one time it was just me and A outside and my sister came storming out shouting at me to stay away from her significant other because I’m a loose woman (bear in mind I’m in a LTR, and I have never been unfaithful in.
He wasn’t there was because he’s on holiday with his family currently). I started laughing because I was mainly shocked and confused and A was trying to calm her down.
I walked back inside saying what is wrong with you we were talking about you and went to my grandad and his wife.
She followed inside still shouting saying I need to stay away from A and out of her life while everyone stood around shocked while I was laughing, again out of nervousness. Eventually, my stepdad was able to get her to leave the event hall and go talk down but it put a huge damper on the party and I apologized profusely to my grandma as she’s 90 and this was meant to be her day.
When I got home, I had my stepdad and mum saying that while what she did was wrong I shouldn’t have laughed at her because it made her feel even worse. I bit my tongue but it carried on saying how I was in the wrong and I ended up saying “it’s not my fault that she’s a jealous cow, I have my OWN significant other that I’m VERY HAPPY WITH.
There’s a reason I cut her out of my life but none of you guys were happy about that because it made it awkward for you! I was more than happy to be civil and still go to family events it was her that was the issue!
I’ve been dealing with this for SIX YEARS I AM TIRED” and walked out.
A did text me saying he apologizes for the outburst and that she hasn’t stopped crying but I was also in the wrong to laugh.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s wrong to laugh?
It would have been wrong to yell back at her. It sounds like she is the way she is because your family allows her behavior and blames you for it.” Artistic_Tough5005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s reasonable you laughed at her unhinged behavior.
She didn’t like you talking to her partner in a friendly way, which is very toxic and insecure behavior” User
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move In With My Toxic Friend?
“I feel like I should start at the beginning so everyone can get a full grasp of my (female 23) and Jessica’s (female 22) friendship. I moved to a suburb near Seattle in 2021. I worked 3 jobs to financially support myself (hate student loans $980 a month?!) I had a really hard time making friends, every day I felt so lonely and lost. Until I met my significant other… but..
long story short he was very controlling and toxic. After 2 years of mental mistreatment, I finally got out and moved to Seattle. I tried putting myself out there but I was so terrified of letting anyone in.
Around the same time in October 2023, I met Jessica.
We immediately found a connection and it turned out we lived in the same neighborhood. Jessica helped get me out of my bubble, we would go out drinking, go to parties, and have these deep conversations about life.
Our friendship blossomed very quickly. I was so excited to finally have a friend!
It just so happened our leases were up the same month, August 2024. We started making plans to move in together, looking at 2 beds since we both have cats and like our own personal space. As we got closer to moving in together suddenly her lease was up in June (I still don’t understand why the date changed, idk if she just wanted to lie or what) This cut our time in half.
Jessica lived in a 1 bed by herself, she wanted me to move into the one bed to save on rent. I didn’t want to do that because I wanted my room. I suggested she do month-to-month while waiting for my lease to be up she refused. Jessica renewed her lease and made me feel like the only option was to move into her one bed, so I agreed.
As the move-in date approached Jessica started to change. She wanted all of my time, if I had any other plans she’d get angry with me. My time no longer meant anything to her, if she needed me I better be there. It was all about Jessica’s time.
I tried talking to her about this and she just went on a rant that I’m too sensitive and too autistic.
Every day her rude comments got worse, she’d call me names and attack the things I liked. I tried to have a conversation about how her words made me feel like crap all the time.
She said being rude is just how she shows love. I continued to put up with it because I believed I wouldn’t find any other friends in this city.
Jessica’s behavior hasn’t gotten better, I’ve had enough. I told her on June 26th I did not want to move in with her.
She blew up on me calling me a liar, saying that I’m the reason she’s going to end up on the streets having to sell her body. She told me she’s gonna go sleep with her toxic ex because I ruined her life. I’m forcing her to live out of her car now and completely messing up her life.
She is now demanding for money so I can help her break her lease.
I feel even worse than I did before. I desperately need advice. Am I being selfish? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You left one abusive person (your ex) and are now with another abusive person (Jessica).
Leave this person behind too. Don’t pay her anything. Block her. Also, don’t latch on to the next person that befriends you. Take time to focus on yourself. You have 2 bad experiences to draw from. Use them to spot red flags for the next person that comes along, be it a romantic or platonic relationship.
So you don’t end up in another abusive relationship. And if you can get access to some therapy, that is important as well. ” solo_throwaway254247
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being rude is how she shows love. What in the world? Your friend needs serious help from multiple professionals.
Help you cannot give her. I know what it’s like not having friends, but until she wants to get help for herself on her own this whole thing is out of your control. Offer to support her while she checks in somewhere or reaches out to a therapist and psychiatrist or dip out of this before you get hurt.” Individual_Water3981
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not selfish, your ”friend” is abusive and no one deserves to be treated like this. What you described is just abusive language, there’s no love in the way she is treating you. She is the one responsible for her life if she wants to bang her ex good for her, It’s not your fault.
As for advice, never believe users they will say anything to get what they want, I also recommend you cut all ties with her. Start looking for a new place, if possible with a bakery or cafe nearby (that is just my personal preference), but if there is a commerce that you may go from time to time it helps meeting new people even if they are only your neighbors.” Regular_Swordfish_85
13. AITJ For Not Wanting A Relationship With My Absentee Father's Other Children?
“My mom always told me I was an “accident” but a blessing because at the time she needed me.
My grandma passed months before this occurred and my mom was at a young age. At the time she trusted my “dad” and during seeing each other she ended up pregnant.
My mom broke it off with him but said he could see me.
Want to know the reason why he never really saw me?
Since they couldn’t be together he didn’t want me lol. Fast forward to when I first met him. I was 7 years old. My mom tried to give it a try ( don’t know the backstory ) but he saw me about 3 times total. One time against my mom’s will he picked me up from school.
I remember he took me to a store left the door open and told a person in another car ( he knew ) to watch me. You can imagine how me and my mom felt after he left again. Turns out he was just trying to get back with my mom.
Fast forward: to 12 years ( currently 19 ) my half-sister asked me if I was his child. I replied yes and then she put me in a group chat with two other people. Turns out he abandoned 4 girls in total. He was in contact with 1 and she was the youngest. Turns out he moved and is playing stepdad with another woman.
Which I knew because when I got into my teens I googled his social media profile. He bragged about my grades or my art being in the newspaper. In total, I saw me on his page about 3 times but that was all from when he saw me at 7.
At the time it had hurt and I cried but realized I had a stepdad who was with me for way longer.
I always knew I had other siblings (due to social media ) and when they added me to the group chat I just felt no connection.
I’m the oldest of the females but I just didn’t want to continue talking to them. To be fair I don’t like talking to anyone unless they’re my close family ( brother, sister, mom) In the group chat the youngest one was saying that he was in the hospital and that I should reach out.
I declined because I don’t have any love or liking for him anymore.
Afterward, I stopped responding but in reality, I felt like I had no connection to my “sisters” and they had their own so why would they need me? Plus when I was discussing this with my mom my little sister ( in her early teens ) seemed sad so my mom had to act like it was a joke.
I built such a connection with my sister and we’ve seen and been through so much. I just feel like my energy should go on her. I love the bond I have with her and I’m not looking to replace her. I don’t even have a best friend because I consider my sister my best friend and frankly I don’t have an ounce of love for the other 3 “sisters”.
Does that make me a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I could see why some women might want to bond over this, but in reality, these women are strangers to you. It’s ok to just keep it casual, maybe respond now and then in the chat (or not), but not engage any further.
Also no need to create drama over this, sharing a biological bond does not automatically make you family, and you are under no obligation to feel or act in a certain way.” Slayerofdrums
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sounds like the other people in the group are just as abandoned as you.
How much younger are the others? They are in a different space to you and probably want that connection because you are biologically related. They may have felt the same as you if they were older. You are not obligated to have a relationship with them.
But you are biologically related. It may be worth keeping a very superficial relationship at the moment because that may change with time. They may not take it very well but I wouldn’t be cruel to them. You can just say that at this time you are unable to spend any time with them and you are so busy that beyond an occasional glance at the social media page, you can’t offer them anymore at this time.
You don’t have to say much at all. Just keep saying no. If they get belligerent over your lack of wanting to join them, then that’s where you say that they aren’t respecting your boundaries so you will have to block them and they are not to contact you again (tell them you don’t want to go down the legal route either)… their choice.
But remember that you are dealing with teens or younger.” KitchenDismal9258
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your sisters are all victims of your Dad, but you don’t owe anyone a relationship you don’t want to be in. However, if you don’t want to be in the group chat or engage with them, you should explain to them that you wish them the best but you want to close the chapter that is your father, and you don’t want to further develop the relationships.
Then consider blocking and deleting.” User
12. AITJ For Kicking Out My Step-Daughter With Oppositional Defiant Disorder?
“My husband and I are happily married and have one child together. He has one daughter from a previous relationship.
We get along great with his ex and her husband. They weren’t together long as they were lifelong friends who briefly tried being together and realized they were better as friends, even after the birth of their daughter.
Everyone gets along except their daughter, who doesn’t get along with anyone.
She stayed with her aunt and when she left a couple weeks later, her cousin had to start therapy. The aunt made low contact with all of us. Her grandmother stopped having her for more than a couple of days because her b***d pressure couldn’t take it.
She’s been in therapy and asked if something has happened to her, but she is just defiant. She has been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
Her mother and stepfather have started therapy because of the constant stress of having her around. We told them that of course, we would have her stay with us.
It’s been miserable. She goes out of her way to do the opposite of what anyone asks her to do. Refuses to do basic chores i.e. picking up her own trash and dirty clothes. We gave her the household chore of vacuuming once a day in the three rooms that have carpet.
It takes maybe fifteen minutes. We found out she “traded” our son then complained when she was caught that it wasn’t fair he got the easier job of watering two plants. We told her that not only is he only 8 yo but he is developmentally delayed has muscular dystrophy and can barely push the vacuum.
Not only that but he’s nonverbal and couldn’t tell her no. He just did as he was told.
The last straw was when I went into her room to put clothes away and noticed her pile of leftover food and wrappers. I’d told her multiple times it needed to be thrown away.
I decided to do it that time because it was starting to mold and she would lose food in her room privileges. I picked it up and there were a couple of roaches. We called an exterminator and he said, they were only in her room and we were lucky to find it early it most likely happened because instead of throwing her trash away, she just threw it out the window and left the window open.
My husband says we shouldn’t have asked her to leave because now she resents us and feels like we are giving up on her. I said I understood that as a parent but at what point does she have to stop making all of us miserable?
Besides, I think the best thing is to finally make her take some responsibility for herself and despite efforts with therapy, attempted quality time, punishments, and encouragement, he is just enabling her at this point. Ultimately, I purchased the house before marriage and it’s still in my name.
I refuse to have my son live with someone who will take advantage of him and live in a house with roaches and mold. My husband and I are starting therapy soon for ourselves as well because of this and she is staying with the second friend because the first made her leave.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“First, parenting makes mortals of us all and I don’t wish to pair that role with ODD, especially if the child in question is related by marriage. Second, I don’t know enough about ODD to judge whether or not your expectations matched her capacity.
It feels unfair that she’s been bounced around so much, as I imagine the changes made it difficult for her to make use of the tools she would have received. I’m curious how familiar each of the responsible family members was with ODD and what they needed to do.
But, your SD is an adult and, while she became part of your family when you married her dad, she’s of age to be on her own. As such, NTJ. I hope she finds her way.” SunshineShoulders87
Another User Comments:
“Since she’s 19, NTJ. Your minor disabled son deserves to live in a safe environment.
But adults don’t have ODD. That’s a “catch-all” disorder for adolescents too young to be diagnosed with something like a personality disorder. It’s great that you and your husband are starting counseling. Your therapist can guide you better than we can. I’d imagine they’ll help you find a middle ground where y’all can help the stepdaughter get better without endangering your son.
My big concern with her is that MANY people with untreated mental illness who suddenly find themselves asked to leave their parent’s home end up on the streets and often turn to harmful substances and even illegal activities.” AuroraLorraine522
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Everyone feels the need for therapy as a result of their interactions with your SD, unfortunately, she’s not following through with her therapy.
You have a minor child to protect. If her Dad disagrees, he can take the extreme measure of abandoning his younger child for his elder child and move into a separate apartment/home. He can try to get his daughter on track with therapy or get her into a therapeutic group home until she can live independently.
Good luck, OP.” Alert-Cranberry-5972
11. AITJ For Asking My Roommates To Have Their Guest Sleep In Their Rooms Instead Of The Living Room?
“One of my roommates, Sydney, told someone that I don’t know that they could come stay with us. The reason they said this is because that person’s parents are abusive and were trying to get them out of a bad situation which I completely understand.
However they didn’t even tell me any of this, they just gave the person a key to my apartment. This person has been coming in at like midnight or after I go to bed and at the earliest leaving at 8 am. I usually wake up at 5 or 6 am make breakfast and work in the living room so I can watch TV quietly while my roommates are still sleeping.
It’s been over a week since this person started sleeping on our couch in the living room. I feel uncomfortable being in the living room and kitchen area when she is sleeping in there. It’s been becoming a problem especially when she was here until 2 pm the other day and had her friend over.
Last night I was home alone because both of my roommates were working the night shift and this morning I woke up at 5:30 and she was asleep on the floor in our living room preventing me from working out or getting breakfast and I have no idea how she got in unless she has a key, which I feel like I should have known about.
I texted them 2 times asking how long she was going to be here because I didn’t know what the situation was but they left me on read and never talked to me about it. This morning I sent another message explaining that if she is going to keep sleeping here then she needs to sleep in one of their bedrooms instead of the living room because it is interfering with my daily life and neither of them asked me if it was okay.
My roommate finally came and talked to me and said that since she is only sleeping here from midnight until 8 am I should just deal with it and that she won’t care if I use the living room or kitchen while she is sleeping in there.
However, I usually move the coffee table and watch TV while I work out but can’t do that if she is sleeping in the middle of the floor and there isn’t enough space to do it around her and the coffee table.
I understand she needs somewhere to stay so I feel like asking for her to sleep in one of their bedrooms is a good compromise especially since they didn’t talk to me about it in the first place.
However, when I talked to my roommates, they said that the person can’t sleep in Trisha’s room because she is packing to move out soon and can’t sleep in Sydney’s room because it’s too dirty and they haven’t had time to clean or even do laundry in a month.
I don’t feel like I am being irrational and I feel bad for the poor girl in the middle of this, but both of my roommates have been being kind of passive-aggressive and talking in their room with the door closed so I can’t hear them since the conversation and told me that it’s too much for them to let her sleep in their bedroom instead.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you would still not be wrong if you told her she had to find somewhere else to stay. It’s not your responsibility to be disadvantaged because of her problems. Your roommate had no right to say she could stay there without asking you.
I think you should fill up the lounge room with all your stuff so there’s nowhere to sleep, just for a few days, and put a note saying do not move my things.” Pennypenny2023
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Inviting another person into your home needed to be brought up to you for discussion first. You have a right to be able to use your own space how you want.
Whose name is on the rental agreement? If it’s yours then you have say over who‘s allowed to be there. Also, the new girl has a friend. Why isn’t she staying with him?? So, for your two roommates’ excuses: Trisha’s packing?
Great! A new girl can help with that and while that’s happening clear a space on Trisha’s bedroom floor to sleep on. Sydney’s room is too dirty? Great! The new girl gets to help clean it up and while she’s doing that clear a spot on the floor for her to sleep.
Make a ruling: The new girl is either sleeping in one of their bedrooms from now on or she’s out. She can move in with her friend. Your roommates are taking advantage of you. Stick to your guns.” Global_Look2821.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this happened to me too.
I ended up taking all my valuables and sleeping at my friend’s apartment because my roommate let her sister stay with us for a few weeks without asking and then gave a key to strangers she met at a party. They stayed in our living room too and made it very uncomfortable.
Honestly, if they’re telling you to live with it and you don’t have to deal with them after this then I would “live with it” – turn the TV on in the morning, move the coffee table, and work out the best you can.
It sucks that she’s in a bad situation but I would be trying to be a great guest – not getting in the way (especially if she’s not paying rent).” Only-Committee8447
10. AITJ For Ignoring The Neighbor's Puppy That Keeps Slipping Into My Yard?
“A neighbor has a new puppy. I don’t know the neighbor well.
The new puppy leaves their house, wanders down the road past several other houses, and then slips under my gate.
My gate is well designed to keep my very large dogs home. It’s 2m tall and chain link. But it wasn’t designed for a puppy, who can easily just slip under and come into my yard.
There is no way for my dogs to get out, they are much too large.
I met the neighbor. The puppy came down the driveway, and the owner appeared behind the puppy calling it back. The puppy ignored the owner and slipped under my gate.
I said hello and told her that her puppy had visited. I said I have big dogs, and I wasn’t going to supervise any play. The owner laughed it off and left.
When the puppy comes into my yard my dogs pretty much ignore it.
They say hello, but then they don’t care. The puppy will try to get them to play which they might do a little bit, and then they just ignore the puppy and the puppy calms down and chills. My dogs are well socialized but they prefer to play with dogs that are a similar size and age.
The puppy has visited most days. She comes over around midday and leaves around midafternoon. I ignore the puppy. I work from home.
My friends think I should be actively trying to do something about this situation – they suggest I could harass the owner, call dog control, or the council, get a new gate, or chase the puppy away every time.
I’ve been thinking I should ignore the problem. This might sound silly, but hear me out.
1. The puppy is not harming me, my dogs, or my house. It’s just loitering.
2. If the puppy is going to wander anyway, it might as well wander over here where it will be safe and get socialization.
3. If the owner doesn’t care that her puppy is roaming, I can’t make her care.
4. We live in a very low-income area. If the puppy gets picked up by the pound, the owner may not be able to afford to get the puppy back. Then the puppy will be put down.
5. Nobody calls the council or the cops around here, it’s the unwritten rule.
6. There are a lot of roaming dogs where I live. I don’t let it bother me. It’s none of my business.
7. Looking at the puppy, eventually she will grow too large to fit under my gate.
This will naturally solve the problem on its own. Getting a new gate or altering my gate will be a lot of expense and effort for a short time.
8. Some other harm might befall the puppy while they are out and about. That would be sad and I hope it doesn’t happen.
But this will be outside my control. The owner will need to prevent this, not me.
There may be factors I am not considering. I confess I don’t know much about dogs. I have two very good dogs but that was an accident.
In all, it does not seem like there is anything worthwhile to do so I’m tempted to ignore the situation and allow it to play out on its own.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but be VERY sure that your dogs are not going to hurt the puppy. I know you think they would never, but we can’t read pets’ minds, so they sometimes do things we’re not expecting. If the puppy does just come over to play and hang out and then everyone settles down and just shares space peacefully, that’s fine.
But if one of your dogs loses patience and hurts the puppy, that could be a very big deal for you, up to and including YOUR dog potentially being put down (several things would have to go wrong in the process to get that result, but it’s plausible).
I agree that modifying your gate is a lot of effort for a temporary problem, but I’d have a more serious conversation with the owner to make sure they know this is going on as often as it is — in text, if possible, so there’s documentation.
If you’ve warned the owner that their puppy is coming to play with your dogs who are fully capable of hurting it if they lose patience, and the owner continues not to do anything, authorities would look very differently on that than on a puppy owner who claims they had no idea this was happening.
Your dogs sound chill and like very good dogs so we’re talking about a 1% chance of this ever happening, but this is so I feel obligated to warn about worst-case scenarios, lol.” realshockvaluecola
Another User Comments:
“YTJ (a soft one) for risking the health of your dogs.
While this may seem harmless, an owner who is irresponsible with a puppy to just let it wander most likely won’t keep up with shots and other treatments as well. The puppy very easily could pick up some parasites or any kind of disease while wandering and spreading it to your dog.
I would fix the gate to prevent the dog from entering. It isn’t your duty to get the owner to care nor to involve any authority if roaming dogs are just part of where you live. But protecting your dogs is your duty.” Upset-Photo
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – You are enabling the terrible behavior of a very, very irresponsible owner. If the owner allows the puppy to roam freely and has no discipline what’s to say it won’t wander into someone else’s property where the dogs are not so well-behaved?
Also, if by some strange circumstance, either the puppy or your dogs have an issue who really will be blamed? I’d say both of you. This is socially unacceptable behavior. There are laws & rules for a reason.” Mediocre-Victory-565
9. AITJ For Accusing My Sister Of Betraying Our Family Over Inheritance?
“My mom passed away in March, and we live in Minnesota.
She had three adult children, and her last update to her will (2011) specifically states an equal split between the three of us. It also names her friend and my sister as co-representatives for her estate.
In 2021, the Colorado Dept of Revenue seized $500 from one of her checking accounts because (unbeknownst to me) she had made me a co-owner of the account.
(She had also done this for my siblings.) Colorado says I owe them some funds, I disagree and don’t have the funds to pay them anyway. My brother has a similar situation with the IRS.
Our mom feared that the tax man would seize her other accounts if they were associated with either of us, so she took us off the TOD (Transfer on Death), which had previously named all three of us, and just left my sister as sole TOD beneficiary.
She told both me and my brother that we were not disinherited. We were not being cut out. But our sister had her act together, tax-wise, and if anything should happen to her, our sister would “do the right thing” and still “divide the assets evenly.”
My brother and I were both told the same thing (equal split, not disinherited). My sister says she was surprised to learn that she was the sole beneficiary, but that must have been what mom intended because she set it up that way and never said anything to the contrary.
She also left no explanation for this departure from the equal split paradigm she had always espoused.
My sister found out about the annuities shortly after our mother’s death. I don’t know how many, but at least two. I don’t know how much, but at least $360k, possibly twice that.
They are set to pay enough to live on comfortably but not extravagantly for the next 18 years. My sister has stated that the annuities will not be divided, and she still intends to take a third of the remainder of whatever is left after selling the house, car, and a few small items of value.
Eventually, with the help of my therapist, I’m in a place where I can be in the same room as her. We talked about estate business last night, with no major disagreements then she said, “Our brother hasn’t made eye contact with me for weeks.”
So here’s where I might be the jerk. I said, “He is probably still in shock or still processing the enormous betrayal by you to your siblings and also to the trust mom placed to be fair and to do the right thing. Instead, you chose to take advantage of us out of the lion’s share of the estate, then take a third of whatever is leftover..
What did you expect? That nothing would change? That your brothers would still treat you the same way? That we would still travel every summer so our kids could see each other? That your brothers would still consider you to be family after you took our inheritance?”
She looked surprised. I went on a run to the liquor store a few minutes later. When I returned, I could see her on the front step on a call to one of her friends, crying.
So, am I the jerk for telling my sister that she has chosen funds over family?”
Another User Comments:
“Gonna go out on a limb here and say everyone sucks here. Pretty clear some sketchy stuff going on here with accounts seized by the IRS, and your sis being named sole beneficiary on the TOD to “avoid the tax man”. What you’re proposing to do, hide assets from the government to avoid paying taxes, is illegal and immoral. It sounds like your sis was not consulted on the plan at all and is blindsided by events.
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. You say your sister only found out about the annuities after your mother’s death so, clearly, your mother never told your sister she was supposed to split it. Your mom did a crappy job settling her estate and now you’re expecting your sister to just take the word of her two brothers who can’t even pay their taxes.” Thermicthermos
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk – but this is an issue to be settled in court. I find it hard to believe your mother told you and your brother she left everything to your sister AND that it would be shared….and didn’t arrange that with your sister.
The ‘tax stuff’ would indicate that someone in the family has a tax issue. I don’t understand how your sister could expect to be ‘one of the family’ and still keep the lion’s share of the funds. Your mother made a big mistake if ‘sharing’ is what she intended.” omeomi24
8. AITJ For Wanting To Leave My Country With My Family Without My Deceitful Father?
“My country is going through a hard time. All men must be in the military. Either you are going to war, or you have a disability, or working on a job that gives you a paper that you’re free from being military.
The story is: My father is an electrician, and his job gives papers that make him free for the period that he is working ONLY IN OUR CITY. For a year we planned how to leave safely and buy a house in another country with the funds that we would get from selling our car.
Even mom’s third pregnancy was planned. My brother is just an “instrument” for leaving, as my parents say. The last kid has been born because families can leave our country with 3 or more kids. I’m turning 18 in September, which means my parents will have 2 kids and 1 adult (Oopsies, can’t leave with those)
My family is poor, so paying money and getting the right documents is not the solution. Before May, for my dad, it was easy to get into military registration and give them all the documents to have a paper for leave (As we thought). He was trying to get into this office, but he always was in the queue to get there.
Every week for three days as he said he needed to go there for all work time, so that meant he wouldn’t be able to go to work. Dad is still going there.
But yesterday I found out that he is not going there. Dad got a call from his friend, who called him at the moment that he left the house to go to the military registration (He forgot the phone at home).
I know that friend very well and after a talk with me, he told me that my dad is spending our funds on substances and for another woman. The funds that he spent were “bribes” for people in registration who moved him further in the queue.
We were pretty naive, huh?
Time is going, and my birthday is in 2 months. My dad told my mother that: «I’m first in the queue today so I’m gonna get the documents after a week». But the truth was he even wasn’t in the queue, he wasn’t there for about a month.
Today is the third month that he is going “there” instead of work.
Today I said a lot of words to my dad about how I hate him and how he ruined his kids’ lives, before this moment I didn’t tell Mom because I thought it was still easy to get the documents.
As I found out today, recently our country’s borders closed for families with 3 children. They open only if you have funds now. That was the reason why I hate him now.
But now we don’t even have funds for food. I hate him so much because after 2 months all ways will be closed. Even the way with funds.
I have been working since 14 y.o. to pay for myself, but now I’m working at home and I get very little funds for work as a digital artist. The whole family is living on my funds now that I was saving for college.
I can’t live alone, because I’m carrying the whole family now.
Am I the jerk as my dad says because I want to take mom and kids and leave the country without him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family has been betrayed by your father. He gave you all false hope for leaving and now you barely have funds. It seems like a huge burden for a young man. ” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father failed in his most basic responsibility of caring for his family. You have been left to pick up the slack. If you can, leave if he cannot join you, you should feel free to do so.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad’s actions have put your entire family in danger and jeopardized your future. You have every right to be angry and prioritize the safety and well-being of your family.” superbSTELL
7. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Bridesmaid About Her Disruptive Behavior At My Wedding?
“I got married this weekend and the day was perfect.
As we were getting ready, I noticed one of my bridesmaids Amy do things that I didn’t love but was so distracted with everything going on that I didn’t think much of it.
For example, in the bridal suite, she would step onto the balcony to video call her partner, instead of engaging with the group. She was also very set on getting heavily wasted. We had a mimosa or two throughout the day as we were getting ready but the vibe was not “get wasted”.
She also asked me and another member of the bridal party if we had any recreational substances again at 9 am, which I’m not personally against but not the vibe.
Yesterday, two of my other bridesmaids, Tanya and Sarah, who have also known Amy since high school, told me some other things that had gone on during the day with Amy.
Amy had missed the rehearsal due to being stuck in traffic. Amy and Sarah had been stuck next to each other in traffic and both arrived at the rehearsal site at the same time, only about 5 minutes late. Sarah’s partner dropped her off at the rehearsal and then went to check into their room; Amy chose to check into the room with her partner and missed the rehearsal. Tanya told me that throughout the wedding day, Amy made several jokes about missing the rehearsal and “winging it”.
Amy said she wanted to bring her partner up to the bridal suite to hang out with us. Tanya said no, her partner could not join us, and Amy got annoyed.
As the bridal parties were in the back room of the venue minutes before the ceremony, Amy went to the bar, which was not open yet and asked for shots.
They would not give her any. I told her to wait until after the ceremony. She did that about 3 times.
Amy’s partner was not invited to the wedding, as they are new and we had already submitted the head count. I did tell Amy that her partner could come to the reception/dance part of the wedding around 8.
At 6:45, Amy told Tanya that she wanted her partner she could come now, Tanya told her she had to wait until 8 as I had said.
When Amy’s partner did arrive, I met her briefly. Sarah told me that at one point she went to the back room to get something and Amy and her partner were there openly doing recreational substances on the table.
Sarah told them to put it away and Amy’s partner snapped at her. None of us had met Amy’s partner before this day.
They could have gotten our wedding shut down and possibly gotten us in legal trouble. It seems to me that my wedding was just an excuse for Amy to party with her partner.
I’m very hurt as she is one of my oldest friends and I feel that she behaved disrespectfully throughout the day. Historically, Amy has not been much of a partier at all, so this was not something I had anticipated.
WIBTJ if I confronted her?”
Another User Comments:
“Normally, I would say let it go. But her increase in substance use is quite concerning and as a friend, you would do the right thing to address your concerns and how they could have affected your wedding. The fact that your other bridesmaids were having to police her is quite a bad form on her part.
If she wasn’t being watched, things could have gotten bad. It may not be well received, but I support you stepping up and having that conversation. It’s a brave thing for you to do. You would not be the jerk.” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it sounds like Amy needs help more than a confrontation. This behavior has addiction written all over it, with the erratic behavior, the withdrawal symptoms, no sense of time and place…and of course, all the different types of stimuli that she was able to mix up without it being a problem.
This girl is in trouble.” Slayerofdrums
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your day and it should be about you and your partner, not immortalized by “distractions.” Amy was willing to do recreational substances in public, and pop substances while being told no. She needs more than a talking to, she needs resources.
She also needs to dump that partner who is not a good influence.” ZaxonsBlade
6. AITJ For Getting Upset With My Sister Over Shared Hotel Room Etiquette?
“I’m currently on a family holiday with me [17F], my sister [16F], and my parents [41F & 43M].
Me and my sister had our room for the first time, usually, we’d get a big family room and stay in the same room as my parents.
This is our first time with a separate room as it’s driving me a bit up the wall.
Let’s start with last night. I might have autism (so says my therapist) and I think it plays a part in my sleeping routine. I need very specific conditions to sleep and while I was ready to make sacrifices, I feel I’ve been robbed a bit here.
I can’t stand silence or white noise so I usually listen to some classical music. My sister said I could only play it if I used my earphones (I only have headphones and that’s uncomfortable to sleep with) so no music. I also like darkness, but my sister likes light, so I compromised and said she could have her bedside table on.
I also slept without clothes which led to this morning.
Whilst standing next to the bathroom door (right by the front door) she told me to get to the front door because our parents were knocking. I told her I was in bed and without clothes, so no, and that she should do it because she was right by the door and in pajamas.
She didn’t get the door. Our parents just left and messaged us later. She then started telling me to get up for the day but I couldn’t get dressed until I’d had a shower and she was in the bathroom. She finally let me go first to the bathroom, and up & ready in 15 minutes.
I had to wait nearly another 30 for her to be ready.
I asked her to suncream my back because I couldn’t reach it. She squirted a bunch on, pushed it about a bit with her finger, and then immediately washed her hands. I ended up having to walk down the corridor with sunscreen dripping down my back to get my parents to rub it in.
The hotel provides 2 big towels and 2 small towels. I just came back for a shower to find my sister used both big towels. Luckily we’d brought some medium-sized towels (not full-body) with us, so I had to use them, and I got mad. I yelled at her, calling her inconsiderate and rude.
She asked if I needed 2 (since she’d used one of the big body towels for her HAIR) and I said yes, and why should she get two and me one? She said, jokingly, that she was just awesome that way and I lost it. It’s been an hour, I’m ignoring her by locking myself in the bathroom fuming.
This is possibly my last family holiday before I go to university, and she didn’t even want to come! She’d been complaining after doing her GSCEs about not wanting to come, then proceeded to take up all the sink counter room.
So AITJ for getting mad at her over this?
It feels stupid, it’s towels, but I’m particular about my space and my routine (blame the suspected autism) and I’m having a mini breakdown over this.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. If you can’t get up on a dime to answer the door, consider not sleeping without clothes in a hotel room you’re sharing with someone else.
If you need darkness, wear a darned face mask- you’re sisters; you should have foreseen this dilemma. If you need classical music, bring earbuds so you don’t have to inconvenience the person sharing the room with you. Classical music annoys me before bed like nothing else – I get the music stuck in my head and then I can’t sleep.
You’re both prioritizing your own needs with no consideration for the other. BOTH of you. Also- if you’re in a hotel all you have to do is call down for more towels. You’re both kids, so this goes without saying, but grow up.” DenizenKay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think you two should talk about boundaries and your routine. If she doesn’t respect that then I would maybe talk to your parents about her not respecting you. I am the oldest of 5. I understand sibling arguments. Your sister sounds like one of my sisters and it’s hard to navigate sometimes.
I have found that talking about the issue and coming to an agreement like with your bedtime routine helps the best. It sounds like you are compromising a bit more than she is.” ExternalMilk9921
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Roommates Use My Fridge?
I (F21) live in a college apartment that houses 4. We all have bedrooms, but we share a living room and kitchen space. I moved in with one friend, but the other two girls seemed pretty nice.
Quickly into the year, I noticed the fridge getting crowded and starting to smell.
I shot a text to our group chat that the fridge was too full and there was some rotting food, so I asked if everyone could double-check and make sure none of it was theirs. They all agreed, but over the next few days, it didn’t get better.
My friend removed what was hers, but there was still a lot of rotting food and some sticky stuff forming.
At Christmas break, everyone went home, while I stayed (I had to work). I finally decided that I was going to clean the entire fridge, and warned the chat that I was throwing out anything rotten or expired. They said they were fine with that, and about 95% of the food in there was unusable.
It took close to five hours to finish, plus the dumpster was down four stories. I took pictures of rotten meats, moldy leftovers, and liquefied vegetables. It was a disgusting experience, and I even ran some of the shelves through the dishwasher.
I texted the chat that we should come up with a plan to prevent this, and suggested splitting the fridge up by person.
My friend texted privately and said that she wouldn’t have enough room for her stuff if we did that. I just chalked it up to the fridge already being messy before we moved in and let it go.
Spring semester, it started happening again, and I just got fed up.
I moved the food that belonged to me to my room. My partner was moving, so he offered to give me his fridge too. I took it, and my friend mentioned using it as a living room fridge. I just moved it into my room and used one for food and one for drinks.
I saw them texting again towards the end of the year that the fridge smelled and for everyone to check, and I just said that I had my fridges in my room. This didn’t sit well, and one of our roommates even stopped speaking to us before they moved out.
My friend mentioned that since I was the last to leave I should check to make sure that everything was clean. This annoyed me since I wasn’t even using the fridge, but she had done a lot of cleaning herself, so I did. Of course, it was still disgusting, but I just let her know and didn’t bother to clean it.
Most have agreed with me that it’s not my job to clean up after others, and it’s valid to choose not to participate in using the fridge. However, my roommates were being incredibly passive-aggressive about it, and some of my other friends and family think I should have just sucked it up and helped them keep it clean because “that’s what living with people is like”.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m getting secondhand rage from this situation. I’ve been through the same ordeal with people constantly leaving stuff to rot in a fridge shared by me and 3 other people, and me constantly yelling at them about it. Having your fridge is great, and F the rest of them.
Side note: I believe the only way to stop this situation is to throw EVERYTHING out of the fridge once a week, like Friday at Noon. Tell everyone the schedule, and if they want to save anything, they need to take it out of the fridge by then or it’s in the trash.
They will be lazy and allow their stuff to get tossed, and the fridge will remain clean.” Trick_Photograph9758
Another User Comments:
“NTJ obviously since you weren’t the creator of the mess, cleaned it up, and then removed yourself from the situation but I would think twice about rooming with that friend again.
The fact that she said that splitting up the space in the fridge wouldn’t give her enough room and that she was the one asking you to check the fridge means that she was most likely the primary architect of the mess. If the two of you shared a place you’d almost certainly run into the same problem, and this time it would be just the two of you.” SageOfCats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, also, that’s hilarious. I love your problem-solving approach, it’s awesome. Word to the wise, fridges sometimes drip (condensation, messed-up system, whatever; they aren’t supposed to, but who knows what you got), and might need a carpet cleaner when you leave. Keep telling everyone not only no, but no. They seem to think if you did it once, you are now their personal Gross Fridge Stuff Slave.
Lolnope. Give them a bill for your previous work. Hazmat is very highly paid, btw, for good reason, you wanna charge them 117/hr. Made up a random number to sound legit.” nefrytatanen
4. AITJ For Losing Patience With My Autistic Sister's Behavior?
“I (21) have 2 sisters, (15) and (12). For the last few years, she’s (12yo) been seen by therapists for autism and ADHD and as she gets older it’s getting worse.
I should note that I’m on the NHS waiting list to be seen for an ADHD diagnosis and probably will not be seen for another 3-4 years.
My sister was already difficult to deal with as she’s 12 and is just a typical teenage girl. Because of her autism, she finds it difficult to regulate emotions and often does lash out so we’ve been making an effort to be lenient towards her mood swings as we know she’s already struggling with this worsening condition she doesn’t fully understand.
But I feel like she’s now taking advantage of that fact and is playing on everyone to get out of chores and get away with general mean behavior.
Any time I stepped out of line or refused to do chores I would have been grounded and had my electronics confiscated. My sister, can flat-out say no to chores because she’s tired and yell and scream because she’s overstimulated and nothing is done.
If her phone or tablet is taken away she gets it back not even an hour later because she screams and cries so much my parents just give up.
Recently I’ve reached a breaking point with her and I physically can’t bring myself to put up with her anymore.
She never listens to what I ask of her when I’m taking care of my sisters for the day. She insults me, yells at me, and flat-out ignores me.
The most recent example of this was earlier today when we had to be out of the house by 8 am and she was still in her PJs at that time.
I shouted at her and when she gave me my cheek I shouted at her again.
My sister cried to my mum that she was struggling and thought I hated her and I was told to listen to her explanation and tell her that I didn’t hate her.
It should be obvious that I don’t hate my sister, I would do anything for her but I was still incredibly annoyed at the build-up of her attitude and meanness towards me and did not want to listen to what was being said.
My mum told me I was acting childish, explaining to me that whenever my sister is asked to do things she freezes up and her body shuts down which is why she wasn’t ready and why she won’t do chores when asked to.
“It’s another symptom of ADHD,” my mum told me but I already knew that as it’s a symptom I deal with and one of the reasons I’m seeking a diagnosis.
Whenever I was 12, my sister’s age, and didn’t do chores and explained the same reasoning I was shouted at and grounded.
I know my sister is struggling and is having a hard time with her self-esteem and social life and she’s slowly losing her friends due to severe panic attacks and a lack of energy to meet with them.
At the same time, I don’t want to hear my sister out until she stops being so mean to me, regardless of her autism, as I feel it’s becoming an excuse for her bratty and mean behavior.
My mum says I should act my age and apologize for yelling at her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not her growing older that’s “making it worse”. It’s that with the diagnosis she’s taking advantage of the fact. She should not be babied. I do have ADHD.
I do understand that it’s hard to get tasks done – I’m procrastinating cleaning my room. Which I will do. After I’m done writing this comment I promise haha However, she CAN do these tasks. While I may have trouble getting started on cleaning my room, I can put on a song, or a movie I watched recently so I don’t have to look at the screen so my mind is more occupied and it will be easier to sort things out.
In the end, she needs to figure out how to function as a human being. Having autism doesn’t change your behavior overnight to become bratty and rude to the people around you. I understand as a sister that it’s hard when you’re in charge and siblings want to be defiant.
She will destroy herself if she keeps making excuses to not do anything. **NTJ**. Your mother needs to stop enabling her. Your mother is the jerk.” Pookie-senpai
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I can not possibly imagine what your sister, you, and the rest of your family are going through.
I am also not a person who can give any advice other than to know you are not alone in anything you are going through as there are many people and I’m sure many subreddits with people who have been figuratively in your shoes. I would suggest, unless you already have, find those communities and seek counsel.
It’s possible your sister isn’t trying to truly get out of stuff and just doesn’t know how to deal with all she has going on, but it’s also possible a different strategy would work better for you and your family to use to help her.” Severe-Hope-9151
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While you could be gentler with her, autism is never an excuse for excessively bad behavior unless it is under extreme circumstances. I have a severely autistic / ADHD sister and she is a HUGE handful. However, she is still able to stop, breathe, and apologize after doing something bad if it has been pointed out to her.
However, you might be a slight jerk for resorting to yelling. I used to do the same, and all it did was teach my sister that yelling was an appropriate way to show expression.” InternalSystenError
3. AITJ For Staying In My Room During My Surprise Birthday Party?
“This is quite possibly one of the worst days of my life and I feel like the biggest jerk right now.
Every year, I’ve told my mom, constantly, that I do not like surprises. I especially hate attention, being the center of things, and every year, she’s promised me, that that year would be the last one that she would throw without my consent.
This year especially, I told her, specifically, that I did not want to see anyone for my birthday. I told her not once, not twice, but maybe up to 100 times. I don’t know if I spoke in a different language or something, but as far as knowledge is concerned, she understood the message clearly.
Anyway, she once again promised me that she wouldn’t do it this year.
For context, I have social anxiety. Now I don’t care if you believe that anxiety is fake. In my case, it’s not. I’ve been making constant efforts, to get out of this on my part, and to step out of my comfort zone, but having everything everywhere all at once feels like getting overwhelmed by multiple people at the same time.
A few years ago, I suffered from an illness, mind you, it was kind of my fault, but it happened, and I survived, yay. Aside from the physiological, that illness brought a lot of psychological problems that I am still trying to heal from, one step at a time.
There’s so much more to this, but I don’t want to share my whole life story. Anyway, she knows this very well.
Skip ahead to the present day. Today I woke up, had plans, was going to exercise, do some personal work, go out for a drive, and play some video games (it’s Canada Day where I’m from).
Then my mother told me not to leave the house, and that people were coming over, that’s when I put two and two together and figured it out.
I tried to stay calm, and I did, but I began to experience heart palpitations, and they got to me very rapidly.
My aunt was there too and she began trying to calm me down. I explained that I did not want this and that I’d constantly said so in the past.
Now this party didn’t consist of a few friends, but a whole army. You see, my family reproduces like rabbits.
We’re like a thousand people. Anyway, in total, she probably invited like 20-30 people. That’s not a crowd, that’s a town, all in one small space.
While all of my friends agreed, that this was not right on my Mother’s part, they also proposed that since the damage was already done, I should just******* up.
I couldn’t stand by this, not this time.
My Mother proposed that I should just stay in my room, and that is exactly what I did the whole day. It sucked, so bad. No amount of music could block out the laughing and cheering coming from the outside, it was hot, and deep down, I felt like crap.
Now I don’t know if my friends resent me, and my mother refuses to talk to me, and I just feel lonely as heck. This is the worst blow that I’ve taken in a very long time. I am hurting like a jerk.
I don’t care if I’m the jerk in this story, but I’d like some opinions right now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom isn’t respecting your boundaries, decisions, or your mental health. I’m sorry you feel alone right now, how old are you? Trust me… it gets better once you’re on your own and able to be yourself. Surround yourself with good people who understand and respect you!” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ However, people who don’t understand social anxiety and are introverted think “all we need is to get around people.” They don’t understand how mentally and physically exhausting it is so we are made out to be the jerk. We’re not. So, it sounds like your mother is insensitive to your needs and you did what you had to do to protect your sanity in the moment of high stress.
I hope she finally understands the depth of your pain and stops trying to force this on you. It’s OK to advocate for yourself as many times as you need to have your boundaries respected.” SnoopyisCute
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Happy birthday. Your mother is a raging jerk.
She doesn’t care about your boundaries. You’re just a toy for her to show off when it suits her. I’m so sorry that you have to put up with that. I wish I had some advice for you, but all I can offer is a sincere hope that things improve in your life.” Dragon_Queen_666
2. AITJ For Defending My Dad's Feelings Towards His Adoptive Family At A Family Gathering?
“I (16f) always knew my dad didn’t like his family. We saw them very little my whole life. We’re rarely by his side. But they’re not any contact either.
It’s always tense when we’re around each other. Two weeks ago my dad’s cousin was in town and there was a party for the extended family. I spent most of the time with cousins (dad’s cousin’s kids) who I do see more frequently. At some point an argument started and things got heated. Then I was approached by some extended family and ugh, it was a mess.
So the thing with my dad and his family is my dad is half-adopted. His dad/my grandpa died when he was 5 and my mom/my grandma remarried less than a year after and my dad was adopted by his stepfather by the time he was 7.
My dad was never okay with the adoption, he was angry, hurt, and grieved the fact his dad was replaced. He never forgave his mom, he never liked his stepfather for doing it, and never called him dad or liked him because of it. His mom and stepfather tried to make him change his feelings.
When his half-siblings were born they were on their parent’s side. My dad saw it as unforgivable. When he went to college, which I think he went at 17 he told me before, he never went back home. He had really little contact. He didn’t invite either his mom or stepfather to his wedding or his half-siblings.
I think it was after that they got really upset at him for still having an issue with being adopted. His name was changed too.
When my parents got married Dad changed his last name to my mom’s. They told me before she would have taken his last name if he hadn’t been changed when he was a kid.
To save money they decided to have Dad change his one instead of both changing it.
When I was born they named me Morgan, which was my dad’s original last name and my grandpa’s last name. He told me how much the name meant to him, and to Mom too because she said she loved how he lit up every time I was called Morgan.
I know my dad hates his family. He gets along well with his cousins though.
When the argument at the extended family party my dad’s mom and stepfather and his half-siblings came over to me and they tried to explain stuff to me. They acted like I had no idea what the fight was over, and they told me my dad has some emotional issues and they said he was throwing another tantrum like he did when he named me.
But that they all love each other. I told them I’m not dumb and I know how things are with them. I told them I knew my dad hated them and he never wanted to be adopted. Their anger came back and was directed at me, and they told me I know nothing and surely I can see how childish it is to hate being loved after more than 40 years.
My parents stepped in and we left right after. But I got messages from some of them afterward saying I should think before I speak.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can understand why your father was upset about the adoption, but it sounds like he’s using that as an excuse to not deal with his family.
That said, it’s understandable why he has little patience for them, especially when he’s been told over and over that he’s “being childish”. It’s good that you stood up for him. If your family continues to criticize you, you should let them know that they can take their messages and put them where the sun don’t shine.” ravenlylith
Another User Comments:
“So let me get this straight: The adults got into a fight, then they came over to 16-year-old you and tried to weaponize you against your Dad? Well, if you ever did have your doubts about your father’s estrangement from his family, I reckon they dispelled those doubts on this night.
NTJ they had no business approaching you like that and your response in the moment was completely understandable and justified.” Born-Eggplant8313
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If anyone needs to think before they speak, it’s them. If they’d loved him, they would have respected his wishes and given him time to grieve for his dad.
He wasn’t throwing a tantrum when he named you, he was honoring a man he loved deeply. If they can’t figure that out, I’d figure out how to spend time with your cousins without your dad’s mom/her husband – not your dad’s dad/dad’s half-siblings.” Legitimate-Moose-816
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiancé's Sister And Father At Our Wedding?
“I, 28F, am engaged to my fiancé Grant, 30M and we are getting married this year. Grant’s sister Lizzie, is the drama center of the family. She can’t exist without something going on and it’s honestly like living in a soap opera. It’s exhausting and to be honest, we normally just avoid her.
I’m a school counselor and worked with one child in particular, Lizzie’s friend’s daughter Sarah. Sarah had a really hard childhood and did not attend school often, I did my best to make her feel comfortable and went out of my way to try and help her back into education.
The details aren’t important, but I tried my hardest for her and anyone near the situation, knows that. One day Lizzie and Sarah’s mom, Katy, got tipsy and started trashing me at a friend’s wedding. They said I caused Sarah to stop attending school and that I ruined her education.
I know that is not the case as Sarah was already not attending school before I started and I had a positive relationship with her. She just had huge barriers that she couldn’t overcome, despite our best efforts. This whole thing hurt my feelings because of how hard I worked for Sarah and it felt like a stab in the back.
It was nonsense and came from nowhere.
A few days later I approached Lizzie and Katy and they both denied everything. I had (sober) witnesses but they both called me a liar and said that I was making up nonsense to make them look bad, total gaslighting.
This is not the first time that Lizzie has done stuff like this and I’m sure that it won’t be the last. Grant’s dad, Randall, is already not attending our wedding and from the bottom of my heart I want rid of Lizzie too but I don’t want to make things any harder on my fiancé.
Plus his other sisters and brother have roles so I don’t want to put anyone in an awkward position of potentially having to choose a side. Am I being unreasonable to want to ask her to step down? I just don’t want any drama on our day.
Background on Randall- we have a limited relationship and he was never a good parent to Grant. He was invited because it’s his dad but not out of love from either of us.
One day Randall called me and demanded to have his name added to the invitations and have them resent, he wanted certain special privileges on the day too including a seat at the top table, mentions in speeches and to be in all the family photos.
I told him that these decisions are my fiancé’s to make and he then gave us an ultimatum- we accept his demands or he doesn’t attend our wedding. Bearing in mind he’s contributed nothing to either of our lives other than negativity and has helped towards the wedding in no way, I was happy with the latter but tried to be the bigger person and said my fiancé would be making that decision.
They spoke briefly on the phone and Randall started talking nonsense telling my fiancé a different version of events before hanging up on him so we are currently running off the assumption that Randall is not coming. AITJ for not wanting either Randall or Lizzie to attend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is one of those times when you need to weigh out the cost. Your desire to exclude Lizzie vs. whatever blowback there may be from her and the rest of the family. Considering that she is a proven Drama Queen – you KNOW that she will stir the pot if she is suddenly Uninvited. If you decide to do this, your fiance should have some conversations with the other family members in advance – to prepare for the storm that Lizzie will kick up.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but why did you have her as a bridesmaid to begin with? And sorry to your fiance, but these are times when he has to step up. If he chooses his awful sister and her behavior over you, then that’s good you’re not married yet so you can get out now.
You need to stand your ground on this issue before your new sister-in-law makes your entire life a nightmare. If your fiance won’t choose you now, he won’t choose you later either.” BigNathaniel69
