People Seek To Be Enlightened In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Allowing My Friend To Rent My House?
“I (25F) bought my own home a couple of years ago. I had saved up since high school, was able to find a couple of good first-time home buyer deals, and am super duper proud of my first solo little home.
It’s an adorable 3 bed, 1 bath cottage in a very much up and coming area in my town.
Recently, I was transferred by my job to another state, meaning I’d either need to sell or rent. I discussed these options with a friend, Anna (30F).
I am leaning more towards renting and told her as much. Anna asked at that point if I would consider renting to her and her family.
The issue is: that Anna has a stay-at-home husband and a small child at home.
And they are absolute hoarders. They do not believe in cleaning up messes their daughter makes as it’s ‘just her making memories.’ Her husband is too anxious to clean during the day, and she works too hard and cannot clean as it’s triggering to her (a lot of negative childhood memories come up).
They have two cats and a turtle, and she also expressed that they would get a dog if I allow them to move in. I know the cats have issues with peeing everywhere.
I said that I would think about it, but Anna kept asking.
I tried to play it off by saying that I wasn’t sure if she could afford it, however, she knows the mortgage and offered to pay a few hundred over a month (about $900-$1000 for her which I do know is still a stretch).
I said I was leaning towards selling it potentially, and she accused me of lying because I don’t want her to rent it. She begged me to tell her the truth so that she could fix whatever the issue was.
I told her finally that I was worried about how well she’d treat the home.
She flew into an episode at that point. She said it wasn’t fair and it isn’t their fault that they’re messy.
She said I was discriminating against her because of her mental health.
At first, I ignored it, but now I’m starting to feel really really bad about it. A Mutual friend said I should at least give her a chance, and if she’s really bad, I can evict her.
I feel like that’s almost worse. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is rarely a good idea to rent property to someone that you know. Maybe tell her that you want to preserve your relationship with her and you feel that it would be detrimental to your friendship to act as her landlord, providing examples such as ‘if I decide to sell the property after a year I don’t want to put you in a bad position’ or ‘I don’t want you to think I’m doing an inspection every time I come to visit’.
That way it isn’t about how she lives (though that is an issue). All in all, as a friend she should understand and be okay with you setting this boundary, and if she isn’t perhaps it is time to reevaluate your friendship.” VibrantHedgehog823
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her reaction told you that this will never work. If cleaning is too triggering or anxiety-producing she and her husband need to hire a housekeeper and get rid of the pets. If they really wanted your house she would have come to the table with solutions rather than yelling at you.
You are doing great to own a home at only 25 years old! Do not let anyone guilt you at doing something that you feel would put your investment at risk.
Cleanliness aside I would not recommend renting to friends. Honestly, I had a realtor friend handle my rental home and I wouldn’t even do that again.
It’s better to keep friendships separate from the business relationship.” Sea-Resource5933
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The house is something you invested in, and maintaining it is a big part of making sure it holds its value. Especially with being an out-of-state landlord, you’re going to have to put a fair bit of moolah into keeping the house in good order even with an ideal tenant, especially if appliances break, landscaping needs done, weather damage, etc.
Your friend and her family will make that job harder if they’re hoarding and making the house unlivable. The cats alone will probably damage the carpets if they’re not properly housebroken and/or are marked because they’re not spayed or neutered. Unless she’s willing to give you a $5000 deposit for deep cleaning and replacing the carpet/pad when they leave, you’re gonna be on the hook for that when they leave, especially if you want to rent to someone else or try to sell at that point.
Knowing your friend may have difficulty paying the rent consistently is also a big red flag for me, because the chances of an eviction go up sharply. It really doesn’t sound like you’re in a position to just eat the mortgage payment if she can’t pay that month, and that’s going to put you in a position where you either need consistent rent coming in from a reliable tenant, or you are going to need to sell the house anyway – and the more they hoard and/or damage the house, the harder that will be.” BZArcher
21. AITJ For Ruining My Brother's Relationship?
“My brother Ben (39m fake name) has been in a relationship with Abby (39 fake name) for 18 years. They’ve been engaged 8 years they’ve nearly gotten married 3 years ago but months before the wedding Ben chickened out.
They went to therapy and basically because our dad left us, he has issues with commitment. We thought over the last year he was finally gonna step up for Abby and be the partner she deserves. He did seem a bit anxious leading up to the big day but assured everyone he was ok
Today, they were meant to get married but as Abby and us bridesmaids were about to enter the church Ben was nowhere to be found.
Everyone tried to calm her down saying it was traffic or he probably had a monster hangover.
Well, an hour passed, then two, then three, and then after the four-hour mark Abby said whatever, she was going back to the hotel and to call her when he landed.
My family looked panicked and nervous trying to get through to Ben or the groomsmen who had not arrived yet.
My other brothers and brother in laws (sister’s husband) went looking for him thinking he got hurt or arrested the night before.
I went back to the hotel with a very broken-looking Abby. We drank and ate food for another hour before I got a text from my brother-in-law saying they found him in a bar and they were trying to talk him into GOING TO HIS OWN WEDDING.
My sister rang her husband and heard him in the background he was literally acting like a 5-year-old who didn’t want to go to the doctor.
Honestly, guys, I had enough at this stage. He messed this girl up for about too long and frankly leading someone along for 18 years is just cruel.
So he’s here’s where I may be the jerk of the century. I walked into Abby’s room and told her to be quiet then I rang my brother-in-law put him on the loudspeaker and asked him what was going on then for him to put Ben on the phone.
The wasted fool started saying stuff like he didn’t think she was the one and he is only with her because they’ve been together too long and he is scared to be alone.
I let her hear everything I won’t lie I felt like a monster when she started crying.
Abby then grabbed the phone and told him he had one hour to get to the church or it was over for good.
Long story short Ben ended up at the church 20 minutes later and Abby took off her dress and then left the hotel alone.
So he ended up being left at the altar and she went on the honeymoon alone. I’ve been disowned by everyone except two siblings (sisters) and I had to get Abby’s maid of honor to collect my suitcase from outside the hotel (mom dumped it out when she found out).
I got the full blame for ruining their relationship and 98% of my family hates me.”
Another User Comments:
“I was torn between NTJ and ‘everyone sucks here’, but I’m going to go with NTJ in the end. If Abby couldn’t/didn’t want to see that it just wasn’t going to happen with him, it probably did need something drastic like that phone call to get her to snap out of it.
Who knows if she would have gone ahead and gone through with the wedding or let him waste more of her time otherwise?
Your family is being utterly ridiculous and idiotic. Your brother for the obvious reasons, but the rest?
It is absolutely a TERRIBLE idea to try to force someone that doesn’t want to be married to get married anyway. Possible years of fighting and resentment with him being a trashy absent husband and father because he didn’t want to step up in the first place, and sooner or later would’ve ended in tears and divorce.
Your family was -pushing- them to divorce before they even said ‘I do’.” ConferenceDecent4222
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A person cannot ruin a relationship, the participants in the relationship are the ones who ruin it, in this case, your brother made a decision, but one question, why did your family insist so much on him getting married?
Your brother is an adult, no one should insist on an adult getting married.
I felt sorry for Abby, but at the same time you did her a solid one, and your brother as well, because at the end of the day, that marriage wasn’t going to work, you save both of them a lot of time and money.
This kind of thing sounds like a Hallmark movie, I hope she finds someone who truly loves her. My best regards to her (and don’t listen to your family).” celex_bell
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Abby should have ended things long ago.
She may have thought that she was the Goldie Hawn to your brother’s Kurt Russell. Only thing is, they never tried to get married. They have just been together for the longest time without getting married (although they’ve had kids).
But neither one of them actually wanted to get the paper.
It would have been fine if your brother and Abby both said ‘we don’t need the paper.’ But Abby clearly wanted a wedding. And your brother convinced her it was only a matter of time.
She was probably a little scared too. Thinking that she had sunk so many years in the relationship. Some people don’t want to leave the relationship after so many years, even if they think they could ‘find someone better.’
Maybe Abby had some little doubts herself, but she kept shooing them away because of a fear of being alone. But hearing your brother say out loud that he didn’t think she was the one, he just didn’t want to be alone, is probably what pushed her over the edge.
I hope you don’t feel too bad, because he is not worth the stress.” NotSoAverage_sister
20. AITJ For Wanting To Shift To A Different Major?
“I (19F) decided to go to university after school. Since I live in Germany and the tuition is very little, I paid for it myself, as well as paying for my phone and everything else I am purchasing. I’m currently living with my parents and my little brother so I am not paying rent or groceries.
I knew from the beginning that I did not want to study what I’m currently majoring in but it was the only thing available in my city since my parents don’t want me to move out because my sister (25F) found someone once she did move out and ended up marrying him.
I told my parents that I want to change my majors, just as a heads up, I was not really asking for permission because I thought they would be chill with it and would not really care since I do want to study, just something else.
My parents were furious. They got really mad and were yelling at me about how I should keep on studying.
I told them I don’t like my major and it was not fun but they told me that studying should not be fun and how it’s always hard (they never studied, barely finished high school) and you just have to go through it.
I started crying because they also said some nasty things about me and my personality and I’m generally a sensitive person since I was a small child, I easily cry.
I tried to explain to them why I am upset while crying and how I think it was hypocritical that they would tell my cousin and my sister who graduated a few years prior, how it’d be okay to change majors but with me, it’s not fine.
They told me how it was different with my cousin because she studied Law and I studied Political and Social Studies, which apparently isn’t as hard as law so if I ‘can’t even study that, then I’ll achieve nothing.’
My mum started crying as well, saying how I will call my sister and complain and then my parents will be the bad guys and how they can never do anything right. She said she doesn’t know what to do anymore and how we are so ungrateful for everything we do.
I got diagnosed with depression a few weeks before this discussion which my parents found out, so she started talking about that as well and how my depression is a sign of me not being grateful and how others have it worse than me.
I had to go to work so we cut the conversation short and went to my room.
A few days later, my mum told me to not let anyone in my city or people around us know that I am changing majors for some reason I am not aware of.
She’s probably ashamed.
AITJ for being ungrateful for everything I have in my life? Am I really a bad child that doesn’t appreciate my parents?
I am grateful for them letting me have a good life in Germany but I never felt like I had to compare my pain to that of others since everyone is allowed to have their own problems which are all valid.
Now I am starting to doubt myself though and I am not sure if I should apologize.
Edit: I wanted to add a reason as to why I feel guilty because of my depression. My parents obviously do not know this but the main reason my mental health has been this bad since I was around 14 is my parents themselves.
They have been emotionally abusive towards my siblings and me – calling us worthless, fat, ugly and everything is seen as negative the second we do something they do not like – since we were children.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think your best option if you still want their support/approval would be to frame the discussion on terms of your future career and not so much on whether your current major is interesting or fun.
No guarantee that it will work (we all know parents like this, ugh!) But acting calm and firm usually gets better results than talking about desires and emotions. At the end of the day, you should do what YOU want to do.
It is your life.” WholeCollection6454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People change majors all the time. There is nothing remotely shameful in that. Do not get a degree in something you don’t even want to do. Now is the time to find something that engages your passion.
I’m sorry your parents are so toxic. I hope you are able to figure out how to be completely financially independent of them. And I hope you put your mental health first.” Aylauria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your right as an adult, to pay for your own schooling to choose what you want to major in.
Changing your major doesn’t make you ungrateful for anything. It just means you want to study something you enjoy. Which is normal human behavior. I do not understand your parents at all.” User
19. AITJ For Embarrassing My Vegan Sister?
“I (27M) am an ex-vegetarian. My sister (25F) can not be fully vegan due to medical reasons however eats a 90-95% vegan diet and identifies as ‘plant-based’ and has since she was 17 (she doesn’t eat actual meat ever, only occasional animal products).
My sister and I were raised in a vegetarian household but I began eating meat at 19 when I moved out of my family home and went to university. Because I was a vegetarian for 19 years I know how hard it is for my sister to find food she can eat, especially in our home country which has barely caught up with vegetarianism let alone veganism.
We both live outside the country where we grew up, however, when we go back home, I always cook vegan meals for my sister and always check menus ahead of time to make sure they offer food she can eat at restaurants.
Not eating meat is not unheard of or impossible it’s just not in abundance. My sister often complains about the food I make her and asks for something different even if I put time and effort into her meal.
A few weeks ago our uncle (father’s brother) died and we traveled back to our home country for the funeral as it is customary in our culture for funerals to happen as soon as possible.
My father is late middle-aged so isn’t very old but is disabled, however, he is the only living relative of my uncle so it was on his shoulders to organize his brother’s funeral. Obviously, my father was distraught and in shock by his brother’s passing and he and my mother organized a funeral and catering in a few days while still grieving.
The day of the funeral was a very beautiful day but my sister did nothing but complain, when it came to dinner at the service after there were many vegetarian things on the menu but no vegan ones. She turned into a sulky teen saying she simply wouldn’t eat anything at all and would rather starve but kept hounding me to cook her something or pick something up for her because it was unfair her needs weren’t catered for.
I very loudly told her she wasn’t oppressed for being vegan and I would cook her something at home if she’d just shut her mouth and******* up. My sister was furious with me and didn’t speak to me for the rest of the week, she left a day after me so she didn’t have to see me at the airport and hasn’t picked up my calls since.
My father is angry at both of us for causing a disturbance at his brother’s funeral and my sister for being a brat and me for embarrassing her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! But clearly, your sister is one.
It’s insane she turned a sad funeral into her whine about food, and equally insane she’s so entitled she expects you to be a short order cook.
Worst of all, regardless of the reason, if she eats animal products, she’s not a vegan, to begin with.
Ugh.” maricopa888
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your sister is being a huge brat. However, your father is correct that you should’ve prioritized not making a scene at your uncle’s funeral. Remember where you are before you pop off on something that should be dealt with more privately.” wikileaking
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your sister is. Granted, you shouldn’t have yelled at her at the funeral, but she was out of order. There were options available to her but she thinks herself so entitled that she should have a special treatment… she’s 25!!
Also, sorry for the loss of your uncle.” o_Advertising_2092
18. WIBTJ If I Don't Drive For My Friends Anymore?
“I (17F) love driving! I got my license a few months ago but even then my love for it has only increased. I’m always offering rides to friends or driving everyone when we make plans.
Recently, two of my friends (17F and 17M) and I got into a little argument. I backed down because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship and they are quite headstrong, and they made me feel like a jerk.
My friends HATE wearing seatbelts so much that you’d think not wearing them is the safer option.
I’m admittedly not the best driver in the world so I prefer that everyone in my car wears them. I don’t have that many rules for my car, I even let them smoke stuff as long as the window is cracked open a bit.
Recently, I started to notice that they don’t wear their seatbelts so I asked them if they could. I stop hard (pretty sure my brakes are gonna need to be replaced soon) and make sharp turns. When I asked all I got was a ‘no’ or ‘it’s not a big deal.’ However, it’s a big deal to me and the law!
Even now they only sit in the backseat and get annoyed when I refuse to move the car until they put their seatbelt on, I’ve threatened to pull over many times before (we’ve had the same argument many times) and I think they’re getting sick of it.
Now, they’ve started retaliating by saying, ‘but it’s not illegal in the backseat!’ And they make me feel like a big jerk because I still try to make them wear it. I will admit they’ve always won this argument because I don’t want to risk our friendship but I also don’t want them to get hurt.
I won’t be able to enforce anything now, I’m getting the silent treatment for a different reason (they won’t tell me why they’re mad) but once it’s resolved I want to put my foot down more because I feel like they push me around.
However, I don’t know if this is that big of a deal. Most people my age don’t wear seatbelts or at least make other people wear them so I’m beginning to doubt myself.
WIBTJ if I ban them from riding in my car unless they wear their seatbelts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP, you’re 17, and smart. AND YOU WANT TO LIVE!!
Your friends are not smart. Do not let them back into your car.
When I was 17 and doing wildly responsible things… my go-to was, ‘My PARENTS will take away my driving privileges.’ That was my excuse for limiting who was my guest in my car and where I was driving us.
Citing my ‘parents’ rules’ basically stopped people I didn’t want to drive around with from asking me for a ride without them arguing with me about it.
Factually, my parents kinda didn’t care about anything other than being home by midnight.
It’s not like anyone I refused a ride to ever asked them, either.” FashionBusking
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are right. They must wear their seatbelts. Don’t drive them if they won’t. Cut them no slack on this, it is absolute.
Good for you for insisting, but not so good if you give in to their childish and dumb arguments.” Harmlessoldlady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are being a good responsible driver. Find some Youtube videos of what happens to people who don’t wear seatbelts and tell them that you are terrified something like that could happen during an accident through their choice to not wear a seatbelt.
There are stories of people flung through windshields from the backseat during accident because they weren’t wearing seatbelts… show them the reality of what can happen.” JumpGlittering8120
17. AITJ For Getting Married First?
“My (28f) sister (24f) got engaged last December and set her wedding date to September 2023. She asked me to be her maid of honor and my fiancé to be a groomsman. I recently got engaged in March, and my wedding is set for January 2023.
I actually put down a deposit for a venue back in February, as I knew a ring was coming and my fiancé and I want to start a family but also want to be married before we have kids.
My sister and her fiancé have not said congratulations to us, and I haven’t talked to her since before I got engaged.
My sister was annoyed when she found out I put a deposit down on a venue. A family member told me she said I was stupid for doing so and for planning a wedding and not being engaged. I confronted her and apologized for any hurt feelings I had caused. I explained I wasn’t trying to steal her thunder or steal her spotlight, and that my now fiancé and I want to start a family soon and don’t want a long engagement.
She said she wasn’t mad, just that she is concerned that I’ll be pregnant during her wedding and I won’t be able to perform maid of honor duties. I told her fiancé and I could wait a few months before trying for a baby so I wouldn’t be mega pregnant for her wedding.
A few weeks after this conversation, we were at brunch with friends when my sister said to me ‘if you’re pregnant you won’t be at my wedding.’ I asked, ‘even a little pregnant?’ To which she replied ‘nope.’
Lo and behold, I found out from a mutual friend that my sister and her fiancé have been going around to friends and family members saying how angry they are at me for planning a wedding before theirs.
I confronted my sister again.
She said she’s annoyed because I’ll get all the attention and steal her spotlight when I get married before her and that I’ve started this big competition.
Listen, the only thing I’m competitive with is MarioKart.
I am not an attention-seeking person, and I hate the spotlight. I told her I didn’t want it to be a competition in any way and that she can take the spotlight, that I don’t want it.
I haven’t really spoken to her since then, which was before my engagement.
The day I got engaged, I FaceTimed her to show her my ring and share my excitement. Her reaction was cold and only said “I knew that was going to happen” before hanging up on me.
AITJ? What do I do to remedy this situation, if anything?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and don’t ‘remedy’ anything. She is being completely ridiculous. You’re not marrying the same week as her but a full 8 months beforehand. She obviously seriously thinks 2023 is her marriage year and only once she has shone is anyone else allowed to have special time for them.
For an outsider, the eye roll that this provokes is probably bad for my health. ‘Steal’ her ‘spotlight’? Is she old enough to marry?
She is entitled to marry whenever she wants – but so are you. You’re sensibly not waiting around to risk starting your pregnancy when you’re in your thirties (and you will be close to that next year).
It is extremely common to get pregnant in your 30s and most people have no problems but it can sometimes get harder to get pregnant over your mid-thirties.” cynical_old_mare
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
My bridesmaid who was engaged for 3 years when I got engaged and set a date decided to plan her wedding a few months after I started planning.
Her wedding was 4 weeks to the day before mine.
I didn’t flip out nor was I annoyed. I wasn’t because I knew it wasn’t out of malice. It wasn’t a competition.
Sounds like your sister was trying to get married before you.
Your wedding is like 8 months before hers. This means any showers or Bachelorette parties will literally be fall 2022, and won’t conflict with anything planned for her. It’s far enough away it won’t affect guests’ travel having weddings close together.
Deep down, I think she is afraid that you’re going to have a better wedding.
I also think that her plan was to make you do a ridiculous amount of wedding things and has expectations of what a maid of honor has to do. She wants your attention, time, and focus on doing whatever she needs for her wedding.
I had two maids of honor and the only things I had them do was coordinate the shower and Bachelorette, I literally did everything else, because they weren’t my nannies or employees.
Don’t let her issues affect your baby plans.
She probably would have been mad if you got engaged, married, and had a baby first.” McflyThrowaway01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is a jerk and is acting immaturely. Revoking your maid of honor duties for being pregnant, even after you were (REALLY) kind to say you’ll move your timeline on starting your own family for her wedding?!?
Ridiculous and absolutely wrong on her part to even think she could influence, much less demand that of you. So wrong.
It’s one thing for siblings to be jealous of one another, that’s normal. But your sister is being petty and taking her insecurities out on you for foolishness.
Your day is your day and her day is her day – different days, different times of the year, different styles, different people, it ain’t that serious.
And she’s out of line for calling you stupid. You shouldn’t be disrespected when you’re trying to be peaceful, understanding, and flexible to her asinine behavior.
If she’s spending more energy being mad at you, lashing out and taking jabs at you for possibly ‘upstaging’ her 9 mos later(!), and talking behind your back instead of sorting out her feelings like a grown woman, then maybe she needs to reflect on whether she’s ready to make a lifetime commitment to someone else, or if it’s just about having a wedding.” MangyTalaxian
16. AITJ For Not Working For Two Weeks?
“I work in retail and I didn’t come to work for almost two weeks. It sounds like a lot but I only ever work during the end of the week, so two weeks would be 6 work days at most. I noticed that my schedule had no hours and I thought it was weird but I didn’t think much of it.
Around this time of year, they cut hours, and I am not full time so I assumed they gave my hours to those who would need it more. Anyways, I opened up the scheduling app yesterday to check my hours for this week, and magically there were hours from last week there.
Somehow I missed 3 days of work (21 hours) and I didn’t call or show up, so I no-call-no-showed three shifts in a row. I checked this week’s schedule and there are 0 hours, along with next week.
I called the store yesterday and one of the assistant managers picked up, she tried to help me figure it out but couldn’t so she told me to call back in the morning.
She reassured me that I wasn’t the only one who struggled with this as the app was down the week before. She encouraged me to call again the next day, so I called. That day was today at around 2 pm.
(I have goldfish memory so some of this conversation may be out of order) I was speaking to one of the higher-up managers, and I asked about my schedule. I explained my situation to her, I told her about how the app was broken and I wanted to know when I’d be working next.
She came for my neck. She made it seem like I wasn’t coming into work deliberately, even though the app was broken last week. I’ve never done anything of the sort. Literally ever, I come into work late, sure, but I have never, ever no called-no-showed. Let alone three shifts in a row!
I’ve worked for this company for almost two years. The fact that she wanted to paint me as the bad guy in this situation baffled me. I stood up for myself, and then she asked me why I didn’t check the schedule in the break room.
I clapped back and said why would I check the break room schedule if the application is supposed to work? She then told me that they reached out to me multiple times. (I didn’t know this at the time but turns out ‘multiple times’ was literally twice.
8 days apart.) This shut me down, I didn’t know what to say cause it was my fault for not picking up the phone. In my defense it was a number I didn’t recognize, so why would I pick it up?
She then told me that they were just about to fire me, and she explains that she gave away all my hours. She did offer, however, to call me if they were short on hands.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Honestly, both you and your employer could have done more and I, of course, don’t have all the information but I don’t really know what they wanted you to do.
Calling from an unknown number and not even leaving a message is a pretty poor attempt on their part.
When you noticed the no-shows on the app you called up and the manager you spoke to even said others are having issues.
The boss sounds like they are trying to shift blame I think. And you are correct in that you have a schedule on your app that the employer will pay for so it should work. What’s the point in the company paying for it if you should go and check a physical one anyway?” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but hopefully you learn to be a bit more proactive in the future if you see that you aren’t scheduled for an entire week and reach out to your response. Them calling you and not leaving a voicemail or sending you a text or email is ridiculous behavior for a company though.
Also, not having a functioning app and then saying ‘check the breakroom’ when you don’t even work there every day is a joke. They need to take more responsibility instead of pinning it all on you. Sounds like you’re ready to give your time to another company.” BlondiLocks589
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The higher-up manager is in the wrong. They have a glitchy app and should tell the employees that while they encourage the use of the app to please double check the schedule in the break room.
I wouldn’t answer the number either. If I don’t know the number, I will not pick it up. They could have done more to contact you. Since home skillet is going to toss up other ways for youth to check the schedule, you could do the same with how they contact people, maybe they should have sent an email or text.
Also, retail companies today are struggling for help, so for them to pull this crap just means you need to be elsewhere!” Shoo_B_Doo_B_Doo
15. AITJ For Texting My Lady Friend "I Love You"?
“My best friend ‘Bella’ (16F) and I (16F) go to different high schools but we went to middle school together. Sometimes we hang out outside of school.
We tell each other ‘I love you’ and the other person responds ‘I love you more!’ And lots of heart emojis.
I love her as a friend and not romantically and she feels the same way about me.
I’m a lesbian and have liked girls romantically since I was in elementary school. Bella knows this and she’s cool with it.
She’s straight. I don’t have romantic feelings for Bella at all. She’s beautiful but I love her like a sister and I’m not romantically into her.
My parents don’t know that I’m gay. My dad was reading through my texts and he said, ‘stop pretending to be a lezzy, you’re way too girly and you were such a girly girl as a kid’.
I told him that I was into guys (a lie) and I love Bella as a friend but not in a romantic way (the truth). He said that it’s icky that I tell my lady friend that I love her and she says the same back.”
Another User Comments:
“Your father is a victim, and perpetrator, of toxic masculinity, who is also apparently super homophobic. What he said is nonsense, there is nothing wrong with expressing genuine emotion towards someone you care about. The same would be true if you and your friend were both boys instead of girls.
NTJ. Men of your father’s generation were raised to believe that emotions are ‘for chicks’, and that expressing any affection for anyone of the same gender makes you gay. I’m not pointing this out to excuse his behavior at all because it is absolutely toxic and harmful.
I’m just trying to point out why he might have the opinions he does and why they are not worth taking to heart. They spring from a place of psychological insecurity and emotional immaturity. Thankfully soon you will not have to care too much about what he says.” Bionic_Ninjas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your father are incredibly immature. I’m old enough to be your mom, and I tell both my guy and girl friends I love them all the time. Straight ones, gay ones, don’t matter because it has nothing to do with romance.
I tell them as often as I possibly can, because they matter to me, and it’s important for people to know that they’re loved. This world is too full of unhappiness already.
I think it’s wonderful that at 16 you have learned to tell the people you care about that you love them, and that you understand that just like parents love kids, there’s nothing wrong with telling your friends how much they mean to you.
You sound like a great friend. I wish your dad had more of an open heart, but that’s his problem, not yours.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s funny he’s claiming it’s icky with the same gender because it would certainly come off as even LESS appropriate for a friend of a different gender.
(Not that it should, just that’s society.) Frankly, I wish it were the social norm to express love to your friends that you love. The important part here is you and she is on the same page and both fully comfortable with it.
I would advise that fake friends can engage in saying that mutually and then use it against you later, so only say ‘I love you’ with people you know who they truly are. Society takes the use of the word ‘love’ to a different level and it’s really gross, but it’s extra gross of your dad when concerning minors.
Like other commenters, my biggest concern is that he’s reading your texts at all. Definitely don’t come out to him (at least not until you’re a financially stable adult.) How and why is he reading them, do all your friends know he does this?
Because that’s a serious safety violation for them. And also be very limited with what you do and look up on that phone if he’s reading it. Lastly, there are plenty of femme lesbians, so many that it’s a stereotype.” cosmic_vogue
It always amazes me how different today’s parents are.
14. WIBTJ If I Tell My Extended Family To Respect My Family's Need For Space?
“My family (mom dad sister brother and I) have been estranged from my dad’s side of the family for a few years now.
Our extended family has reached out many times to my dad to ‘extend an olive branch’ which basically just means, guilt my dad into not getting over the conflict at hand and forgiving them, moving on, and singing kumbaya around a campfire.
My dad has entertained these conversations, replying to emails, and has detailed why our family no longer wishes to be in contact with them. But now, more and more people in our extended family have inserted themselves into the situation.
He got a pretty cruel letter from his aunt telling him that he’s the reason our family has been torn apart, and to see the death of a non-blood-related uncle (recent) as a sign that our family should be united once again.
My dad (50M) lost his job in 2020. Has been dealing with a ton of health complications. He doesn’t have the emotional energy to fend off his own brothers/father let alone anyone else.
I feel like it’s time for me (as a 22F) to get involved and make my family’s position clear.
Nobody has advocated for my family or my father in this situation, and, in my honest opinion, someone needs to. But I worry that in doing so, I’ll be creating more conflict. So, WIBTJ for standing our ground, even if it potentially creates more stress for my dad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to make a one-time only statement that is final. Otherwise, you get drawn into never-ending discussions. You can tell people that you need your space and then block them and everyone that they try to get to act on their behalves.
They don’t need to understand or accept the reasons. You don’t have to keep talking until they do. I’d make mention that cruel and angry letters are not going to make anyone feel the need to re-establish contact but actually give good evidence of why contact is broken.” dog_star_
13. AITJ For Asking My Sister-In-Law To Give Me Back My Stuff?
“My husband received a work offer overseas. He went over first to get settled in before coming back to fetch me and the kids. We decided it would be best to sell all our possessions and start over on the other side.
Whatever was left I told my BIL (husband’s brother) and SIL (husband’s brother’s wife) they could have. In the meantime, the kids and I moved in with BIL and SIL until it was time for hubby to come fetch us.
I told my SIL she could take a few things so long, as long as it’s not everything, while I was still in the country. Things ranged from pots, crockery, cutlery, curtains, etc.
A month and a half in, hubby’s new boss turned out to be a complete A and his working hours ridiculous.
He decided to rather come back. The only problem now is we sold almost everything and SIL already took a good chunk of whatever was left. After letting everyone know that my husband is coming back, I gave it a few days and eventually racked up the courage to ask for everything back my SIL had already taken.
I told her we don’t have the budget to buy everything we needed now.
We had to put down a massive deposit and rent, pay school fees for the kids, and obviously needed funds to buy new furniture again. SIL completely lost it when I asked for everything back.
Told me that by asking for it back I never gave it from my heart in the beginning. It left me broken, confused, and obviously angry. Should she not have been more sympathetic to our situation? I honestly did give everything from my heart and felt terrible for asking everything back.
Am I missing something here or AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s reasonable for your sister-in-law to want to keep the stuff because it was a gift. (She might be a little bit of a jerk for being so extreme and saying it wasn’t given from the heart.) And it’s reasonable for you to ask for the stuff back given the change in circumstances.
But if your sister-in-law says no, you should accept that and not put any further pressure on her. It’s not her fault that your plans changed, and she very well could have thrown out and gotten rid of stuff of her own that your stuff replaced for her.
It was a gift and the stuff now actually and legally belongs to her. She’s doing you a favor if she gives it back and that should be how you look at it, not as if it’s owed to you.” BDizzMcNizz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SIL is a major jerk. Normally when you gift things, these things are no longer yours.
But in this situation, I could never see myself not helping my siblings out by giving back stuff that was theirs initially.
I would even go the extra mile by giving them more/lending more stuff to tide them over until they’re doing better.” shzan1
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, without knowing her side I think. If she threw out things that she thought she now has a better version of then yeah she won’t want to give them back.
But if she has just collected 2 of everything she should give things back. You asked in a reasonable way that wasn’t a jerk thing to do at all. SIL is closer to being a jerk than you.” NefariousnessGlum424
Another User Comments:
“SIL is the jerk. This is just such a big disregard for the family in a tight spot.
It would be different if you gave these things to strangers, charity, etc. But the circumstance was you were living with them, they knew why you were giving things away, and know how it all fell through.
The implication is that she knew the getting of stuff was conditioned on yall moving.
I guess technically no one takes backsies but how heartless? Your family needs your stuff… did she deeply need the stuff when you gave it to her?
This is so weird to me.
Who cares if you gave it from the heart, you gave it from efficiency given an international move? This isn’t like you gave her a handmade birthday gift and are swiping it back. It was circumstantial.” Background-Aioli4709
12. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Do More Housework?
“My partner (20) and I (20) have been together since we were 16, we broke up for a year in between but have been together for the last 2 years. I have never been without a job for more than 3 months while my partner has been without a job for entirely our whole relationship, therefore, I pay for everything.
We both still live at home with our parents but we see each other quite regularly. We went on the break a couple of months back because I told him I can’t keep paying for him when it feels like he hasn’t even been trying to get a job.
We got back together because he assured me he was going to get a job. It’s been 2 months since then and still no job.
Yesterday, he wanted to go out. I didn’t want to because I was off work for the last 2 weeks because I was really sick so I didn’t have any money.
I told him I don’t have the budget to go out and he told me we don’t have to spend anything and can just go window shopping. I told him that will still cost me since I have no moolah to waste on petrol.
He told me that I should just drive him home then. (He has his own car, just at the mechanic) I felt so upset that he didn’t want to stay with me just because we couldn’t go out, when I told him this, he just said he didn’t want to spend all day laying in bed anymore.
So I gave in and said we can go somewhere local after I make lunch for work. When I was done, he said he didn’t want to go out anymore because he didn’t want to go to our local shopping center.
We settled for home cooking. I bought the groceries and he did most of the cooking. After we ate, I asked him if he could wash our plates, it wasn’t a lot, like 2 bowls and plates. I had already washed everything that we used to cook and I even packed up after him because he left everything out on the table but he refused to wash it.
He argued ‘I cooked, you clean,’ I told him that I also helped cook, prepared all the equipment, washed it after, and packed up his mess. But he still said no. I then said I paid for everything and he said it didn’t matter because he cooked. I ended up washing it.
He saw I was angry and took out the bin for me without me asking and when I was dropping him off at home, I asked if he could fill the petrol for me, which he did. After this I kinda just forgave him but sometimes it just feels like a reoccurring problem as it’s not the first time he refused to do something for me.
I work 2 jobs and study full time and am very tired a lot of the time and he can’t wash 2 plates because he did the cooking? It just really just angers me. (He doesn’t study either)
On average I spend $400 every week for dates and food for us.
Also, I pay for my own car insurance, and phone bills and help my mum with house bills and groceries.
EDIT: This job issue is the only problem I have with him and I just always feel like it’s temporary.
Most of the time I enjoy going out and don’t mind paying, it’s just that I was off work for a while and didn’t have the budget for it at the time. I keep holding onto the fact he’ll get a job soon because I wouldn’t expect more from him if he’s paying.
But at the moment I feel like the jerk because I want him to slave away for me just because I pay and when he doesn’t, I get angry.
He never expects me to buy anything for him, but I always insist because I know he would do the same for me if roles were reversed. He’s trying to get a job and has been going to a few interviews.
He’s always been great to me in every other aspect, that’s why I feel awful for wanting more from him just because I pay. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but he needs to get a job, or else the only dates you go on need to be free, including gas.
You’re subsidizing his lifestyle and he’s too comfortable doing nothing. My partner got like that during quarantine and didn’t work for two years. I broke up with him for about 9 months during which time he had time to think about what was important, he got a job and now he works 5-6 days a week, is a happier person and we’re planning our future.
Your partner won’t change as long as he has it like this. He might not change anyway, but at least there’s a chance if you stop paying for everything. Good luck!” MissionRevolution306
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
He’s just using you, and you are making excuses for him. He’s selfish, and you are a fool. You are too young to make commitments like this anyway. Try going out with more mature and self-sufficient people who share your interests.
I bet you’d be happier with someone more serious about getting their life together. He’s clearly going to just laze around on his parents and on you until you give up on him.” Harmlessoldlady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I feel like you have developed a bad pattern between you and him and it might be time to break up.
It sounds like you’ve tried everything and not much has changed, so now you have to decide if you just put up with this for the rest of your life, or break up. Because you’re not happy, and that’s a good enough reason to dump him.
Time to ask yourself some hard questions. What would happen if you stopped paying for him? What would happen if you stopped cooking and cleaning up after him? What would happen if you made him pull his weight and be an equal partner like you deserve?
Would he do it, for you or himself? Or would he whine and cry and punish you with anger and rows, absence, and the silent treatment?
I don’t think your partner is being deliberately abusive, but I do think a lot of awful people start out as lazy people who act like children, pick the easy way out, get into bad habits, and throw tantrums to get their way.
So your relationship is kind of drifting in that direction right now. Especially with the financial abuse, and also the emotional manipulation.” zellieh
11. AITJ For Being Mad At My Wife For Keeping Her Social Media Accounts A Secret?
“About 2 years ago I (m32) decided I would no longer be on social media. I discussed it with my wife (f32) and told her I no longer am interested in social media and just found it to be a toxic place.
Fast forward to 6 months ago I’m on messenger because I work out of town and sometimes it seems it’s faster than normal text. I accidentally clicked on my wife’s profile picture and it seemed that she had posted a story with her and her outfit.
I discussed with her that I do not feel comfortable with her posting pictures, but that I am not close-minded and would like to, but to allow me to get more comfortable with myself before doing so.
We talked. She agreed to send me pictures before she posted them to see if I was comfortable enough for her to post. 4 months go by and she never sends one picture to me.
Unbeknownst to me she had been blocking her story from me and continued to post naughty pictures and show herself off behind my back. Her excuse was she knew I wouldn’t let her post anything, to which I replied but you’ve never given me the chance to be comfortable with it.
We get into an argument. She deletes her social media account saying she doesn’t want to fight over social media.
I come across her Instagram page where she has the same pictures, the same stories, and posted, only on this social media she hasn’t posted anything of me and to me, it seems that she acts like she’s a single parent all over her social media account.
I confront her once more and she protests that she doesn’t even post pictures of our children, even though I know that’s a lie. Am I the jerk for being mad that my wife has been posting such pictures?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you asked her not to post naughty pics, progress pics, or not, she should’ve accepted it. There are other ways to post pics & be more conservative about it. Not a hill to die on though, let it go.
She doesn’t have to post pics of you or the kids. Social media is a personal page, made to engage with others who share your interest or hobbies. Some people have separate accounts for gym, family, art, whatever. I look single af in my social media, but all DMs get the ‘im in a relationship’ reply.
Trust your wife & don’t be so controlling.” Golden1052
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here but she sucks a lot more. You suck for asking to have a final say about which pictures she posts of herself online and letting your own insecurities turn you into a controlling spouse.
Hard truth is, you can’t do anything about what your wife will post online, nor do you have the right to control this.
However, she massively sucks for dismissing your feelings and blocking you on social media, ultimately confirming that she might be hiding something, plus lying about what she posts.
It sounds like your trust in her is broken and she doesn’t seem to care to want to fix that or reassure you. Sounds like this is going to escalate in the future, so I’d suggest some couples therapy to get an outsider’s view and guidance.” BlondiLocks589
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife has been doing something she knows would upset you and she has been hiding it from you. I’m not saying that you have a right to veto her pictures, but she should have had an honest, open conversation with you.
Her posting this kind of pic could also impact you in your job, etc. So being on the same page about them is really important. She completely dismissed you.
How about getting some couples therapy? There is more going on here than just the pics.” Aylauria
Yes, she is wrong for agreeing to run photos past you and then not doing so, but you suck more for expecting to have the right to censor her.
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share With The Pet Expenses?
“My sister (25F) and I (22F) decided to get a puppy for our family and made an agreement to split the expenses 50/50 (vet bills, pet insurance, food, etc).
After a month of making this agreement, however, I got an amazing job offer out of state (away from home) which means I won’t be able to see the puppy as much anymore.
I’m also currently a student in college living close to home so I get to see our puppy maybe once every 1-2 weeks over the weekends but when I am home to spend time with the puppy, I find that I always have to ask for permission to take the puppy out and give every single detail about what I’m doing, where I’m going, and who I’m with as well as providing times of when I’ll be back and updates throughout the day.
On the other hand, my sister takes our puppy out everywhere she goes and even out for entire days. If I can’t even have quality time with my puppy during the only times I get to see her because my sister makes plans with her friends that she ‘can’t’ reschedule despite having quality time with her almost every day of the week, I find it unfair that I have to continue splitting everything 50/50.
I’m aware that it’s my fault for agreeing to pay the 50/50 but I think excitement go to the best of me and I wasn’t thinking rationally because I’ve always wanted a puppy since I was a child. I don’t know if I’m being petty for saying this but my sister is the one getting all of the experiences of owning a puppy for a ‘discounted’ price just because on my name is on paper as the co-owner.
And for the most part, it’s my parents who are carrying out the responsibilities such as feeding, bathing, playing, and taking the puppy out to go potty (and they don’t mind they absolutely adore the puppy and I think the puppy has definitely improved everyone’s mental health).
Honestly, money isn’t an issue for me, but I feel like it is unfair that everyone sees her as the owner of our puppy even though I’m contributing to half of the expenses.
EDIT: I have asked if I could bring the puppy along when I move or at least take turns caring for her but my family won’t allow me to.
So it’s not like because I’m moving I don’t want to take care of her anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Maybe a tiny bit ‘everyone sucks here’ because your sister should let you get quality time in while you’re there, but you committed to pay for this puppy 50/50.
You’re doing none of the care and want to do none of the payment either? You made a commitment to this dog and that doesn’t go away just because it’s no longer convenient and you decided to move away.” Temporary_Badger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are the co-owner of this dog. Your name is on the paper. Ask for 50/50 custody lol or you want to remove your name. And then put away that moolah to eventually get yourself a dog that is 100% yours, when you have the time, money, and ability.
What rubs me the wrong way is that when you’re back, that time should be reserved for you since you are paying half the expenses. And you don’t have to ASK your family if you’re able to take the dog with you a minority of the time just take the dog.
Let your sister know you want to remove ownership and payments if you’re not able to spend time with it. Otherwise, you’re just paying for HER to have a dog.
My fiancé and I have 2 dogs, but they are mine.
I made sure of this from the start. I pay 90% – 100% for their care, food, and maintenance. I made this clear from the start because if anything happens, the dogs stay with me. Period.” shzan1
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
If you both own the dog, you both have a right to care for it – meaning you both should have the freedom to bond with the puppy, take it on walks, etc. So while it does suck that it sounds like your puppy time is being policed by your sister this doesn’t change your original agreement to split the costs 50/50 and backing out now feels like an excuse for using your change of circumstances (you moving and a new job which gratz by the way).
If that job didn’t come through the way it did and with this timing then I don’t think you would have made this post to begin with.” CandieXOXO
9. AITJ For The Way I Put The Utensils In The Dishwasher?
“My partner and I both work the same hours, she makes much more than I do though. There is a big gap between our ages (more than 18 years). We still split 50/50 because I don’t want that to be hung over my head.
We agreed when we moved in together that she would take care of the kitchen and I would do the bathrooms (and the cat’s litter).
Over time, I did end up taking on the majority of the kitchen because she would eventually ask me to.
Or just never do it and I would cave. She does cook more than I do. She likes to try new recipes and wants to practice to get better. But that does equal more dishes to do so I picked up alternating that with her.
Now I prefer to put the utensils facing upwards in the dishwasher. It grosses me out that the part where we eat is touching the bottom of the basket. She prefers them facing down because that’s the way her grandmother taught her to not get poked accidentally.
I chalked that up to her being a child as my grandmother told me the same thing. But we’re adults now and you can look before you grab. She got upset with me and we fought and eventually, she told me to just put them up and that was that.
Unfortunately, this was a constant issue because I would forget from time to time. Well, it led up to a day I loaded the dishwasher I told her I might have put them up by habit and to just let me put them away when I got off work.
Later that day she texted me while I was at work with a long speech about how I don’t care about helping her and that she cut herself on a knife facing up. Turns out it was just one which I found strange.
We had been on a ‘break’ (hate that) so instead of breaking up, she started in on me moving out asap. Ended up in a 2-day fight until I was injured and that distracted us from the fight. I almost feel like maybe I was a jerk as I type this out.
Since then I’ve put them face down to accommodate, sometimes putting the spoons up to which she expresses mild irritation. But honestly, was I a jerk?
I want to add that my definition of cleaning is much different than hers.
I deep clean the sink after dishes and she just doesn’t. I’ve never seen her deep clean any part of a bathroom, mop the floor, stove, fridge, etc.
EDIT: The knives in question are not the super sharp kind.
Those go in a completely different spot. We are not ‘knife people’. We don’t sharpen our knives even though we should but still.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… if she was doing the dishes, as per your agreement, then this wouldn’t even be an issue… Also, I hope you are on the lease so you can’t be kicked out on a whim… as a paying renter, paperwork or not, she has to give written notice in most areas… keep proof you pay in your car or something… I’d be planning on leaving, on my own terms though…” Certain-Secret-7926
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because of the knives and she got hurt. The forks and spoons are a matter of preference.
The win/win solution is to get a dishwasher with a third rack for utensils. They are awesome. You can arrange them neatly where no utensil is touching another.
They also save space at the bottom because there is no basket for utensils.” ShiloX35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ our family puts them upwards as well we have an ongoing joke that we’ll one day stab ourselves in the hand unloading it but will we ever change it no because we are creatures of habit with memory issues and too many chronic illnesses to justify washing the knives by hand like somebody here said too.” tialaila
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Utensils are not the problem here.
Knives don’t belong in dishwashers because bad for the lifespan of the knife.
Putting a knife face up in a grabby space is really dumb. That’s asking to stab someone.
I’m not surprised someone got stabbed. You put the stabby thing in the grabby place. That equals a likely stabbing.
Controlling which way y’all put utensils is a ridiculous argument. Like if ya all moving out over that it’s not about the utensils.
You have way bigger problems beyond dishwashers… And if you don’t know what those issues are you have not been paying attention.
This goes way beyond a dishwasher and who does the deep cleaning and what cleaning means…
Also how the heck did you get injured during an argument?
That is red flag city.” JetItTogether
8. AITJ For Cutting In Line?
“I went to a hibachi steakhouse and we got there at 8:34 and we had a reservation at 8:30, there were a few people in line and I went ahead of them to let the hostess know we were there.
I thought the woman in front of me had been served, but after I said that, the guy to my left was like, ‘I thought there was a line but whatever bro’ and then the woman started complaining until it was almost a full-blown fight
I said, ‘Next time make a reservation if you want to get in right away’, which may have been where I became the jerk, but I guess I just was in a mood where I didn’t want to take crap when we made a reservation for people ahead of time vs people that walked in.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
I mean, reservation or not, you should still have waited in line. Your table was reserved after all… and if you lost your table, then maybe you should have arrived before your reservation time, instead of after it.” UnluckyDreamer1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Making a reservation holds a table for you. It doesn’t give you to right to jump in front of everyone else who is waiting to check in.” QuackLikeMe
7. AITJ For Wanting To Live Like A Normal Teenager?
“I’m 16 and my mom passed away when I was 12. Of course, as anyone who lost their parent (and at a young age), I was depressed and numb.
I repressed everything about my mom’s passing and it drove me insane. Two years later dad remarries without telling me anything: who she is, that they got married, where she came from.
At this point, I just want to live life like all my other friends, ‘normally.’ She became very emotionally abusive and manipulative.
My grades dropped, she liked to call me fat every chance she got, and even trash-talked my dead mom. She screamed and cried at my dad.
Once the baby was born, things got worse. I got sick 3 times over the winter season, due to my poor health and probably the environment I live in.
But this got the baby sick. I couldn’t stop myself from getting sick, and I live in the basement and they live on the top floor. There’s no shower down here so I have to shower before 7 upstairs. I needed to go to the doctor since it was getting worse, but she wouldn’t my dad take me to the doctor.
She kept blaming me for things, like her not being able to go back to Canada and finish school. Every time she called me, I’d be shaking. I don’t do illegal stuff, drink, or flunk classes. I just want to live like a normal person.
But she’s in a tough situation. She left her country, family, and friends to come to meet a guy and is now stuck here until I go off to college. She’s been miserable since she’s been here. When my dad got a stroke, she took care of him.
I recognize that I didn’t do anything to help. She was pregnant and taking care of my dad who had a severe stroke that he couldn’t even remember my name or hers. He had to be driven by her to doctor appointments every day.
I don’t want to justify not helping my dad, but it was just me repressing everything, pretending that my family situation was ‘normal’. And once her baby was getting sick because of me, a mother should obviously be protective of her child.
Because of my dad’s health, he has to sleep at 7 am and she continues to take care of the baby with no sleep. She never gets to go out since she has no friends in the US and that’s mentally draining.
I know her life is horrible but I just don’t know why she has to take it out on me. I didn’t make any choices for her.
I talked to my counselors today but when my dad’s wife found out I was talking to them, she got mad, saying she’s done so much for our family by taking care of my dad when he couldn’t have survived, which is right.
But I don’t even know how to explain to her how emotionally abusive she is, to me and my dad. No kidding, my dad’s mental state is horrible, he was crying, and she was egging him on by saying ‘why are you crying’ over and over.
Am I just a dramatic whiny teen who has been terrorizing my family? I regret talking to my counselors now. The only solution is not living here. I just wanted to live a normal teen life. But that sounds so privileged to say.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Bad situation hon, but stepparents are always in the middle. It does sound like the store manager is in a horrible situation by leaving her home and family for your dad. Add on a new baby, a husband having a stroke, and a teenage stepchild and I don’t think either of you is the jerk.
My suggestion is to actually give her some slack, and help her with the housework and even new baby care. My feeling is she may surprise you and lighten up on you and dad. Try it hon, it sure can’t hurt.” Username-dumb75
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, we all have different life struggles & yours came too early. I hope your counselors can guide you into a better state of mind. Talking about what’s on your mind will take loads off your chest. Don’t let her bully you into stopping going to your counselors.
They are there to help.
She made her life choices. You were in the package with your dad. She can not blame you for her life not being as rosy as she thought it would be.” Golden1052
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your store manager isn’t doing everything for the family – she’s doing it for the man she married. That is part of the marriage vow – in sickness and in health. I feel sorry for her and your dad that he had a stroke but it’s not your fault.
Leave when you can. NTJ.” Easy-Concentrate2636
6. AITJ For Not Taking Out The Trash?
“My mother has established that I have chores I need to do every Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Now my dad has been out of a home for a couple of weeks now and comes over every now and then to talk to me and grab some food.
Okay now onto the story.
My mother has just finished arguing with me over chores. She is mad because my father took the trash out yesterday, which was one of my chore days, and was about to do so again today.
I, however, feel this is unfair because yesterday when he took it out I hadn’t even gotten home from school. I have not once been told to do a chore outside of a chore day so I was just gonna wait until tomorrow.
The trash wasn’t even full yet, so I don’t know why she was so mad.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
My interpretation is that your mom is experiencing stress and conflict with your dad. When he took the garbage out, she may have yelled at you because of tension between them.
If that’s right, she shouldn’t have taken things out on you like that.” SupergirlKrypton
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
As you get older, you will (maybe not, but probably) realize how much parents do for you, and you’ll feel foolish about the whole ‘fair or unfair’ when it comes to something like taking out the garbage.
Do you want a fight for hours, or do you want to take out the trash in less than two minutes?” Tekkie993
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the can wasn’t full (which is completely believable since it had been taken out the day before), nor were you home when your dad took out the trash the day before.
It might make your mom feel bad that your dad might think she/you don’t stay on top of the house things so I wouldn’t get too upset, but maybe a way to evolve your chores is to check and see if it’s full enough that it’s reasonable to take it out if you know your dad will be by/even if it isn’t a chore day.” Boop_daboop
5. AITJ For Calling My Parents Toxic?
“My family is really really small. Minus my mom’s cousin, that is not in the picture my family consists of me, my brother, my parents, grandma, grandpa (recently passed, this will come later), and 2 ‘step’ sisters.
My sisters hate my dad.
Cause he is… a very aggressive man. He can act like a child when things don’t go his way, and can easily get worked up. I grew up fearing him and still do to this day. My mother is never understanding.
When I was younger I mentioned that I feel like I have ADHD and seasonal depression both of which she said ‘you don’t have that. You are just thinking that because of your friends.’
Well, because we have such a small family, my dad has always used the excuse ‘because we are a family’ and I can understand that.
But, they use it for every little detail. When my brother’s girl came into the picture and didn’t do things that my parents agreed with they would do the ‘we are a family excuse.’
Well, a week ago, my grandfather just passed. And my grandma is taking it so hard (married for 70 years) and I was trying to cope with it in my own way cause there were things I wished I never took for granted from him.
Well, I was talking to my brother about it, and my dad came in yelling at us for talking about him. Saying that he never wants to hear the word grandpa in this house.
I snapped and asked ‘what happened to the family excuse dad?
Shouldn’t we be dealing with this as a family?’ And he got mad. Saying ‘I never want to hear you talk about him in this house. We are a family but I don’t want him to be mentioned.’ This is the first loss I’m dealing with and it’s been rough for me.
Well, my mom took his side too, and I said ‘you both are toxic. And because of this ‘family’ excuse you’re making us toxic. No wonder all your children want to be away from you guys.’
Well, my dad got upset, and won’t mention things afterward.
But I have been staying at my friend’s house for the past week.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s a lot of toxic families, and it’s so hard growing up in one. You sound like you’re more balanced than your parents so I hope you have an opportunity to get away from them.
You may have to severe ties with them for a while (or forever?) to keep your sanity and learn how NOT to be toxic. I wish you well!” marg0214
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I grew up terrified of my father as well.
No normal parent should ever be feared by their child. Definitely sounds abusive. Also, you have every right to grieve for your grandfather, and to call your dad out on his nonsense. His emotions should not get precedence over everyone else’s.” AwesomeMix20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, children should never fear their parents in the way you’re describing. Just because you’re family, doesn’t excuse awful behavior. I hope you can leave this toxic environment soon. It’s ok to go no-contact with someone like that.” crckhre
4. AITJ For Showing People My Friend's Picture?
“I am a 16-year-old woman who has been with my friend let’s call her Jessica, Me and Jessica grew up together ever since 6th grade.
Jessica recently came out as transgender. She is now female. It was hard for me to get used to her pronouns, but eventually, I did. Recently during one of my morning classes, I was going through old photos of my school.
There was a picture of her before she transitioned. I was not thinking right and showed the other person her picture but they stopped me before I could, and told me it wasn’t right. I remembered that some people would not like to be shown as what they were not.
So I covered him up. But these pictures could be easily found on the web if you search our old school.
After school, all her friends came up to me. Jessica asked if she could talk to me. I of course said yes, she wanted to talk about what I did.
But the rest of the friend group was there. I was hoping we could talk this out one on one. So no one would get in our business. But my hopes soon died down. When she confronted me in the hallway basically yelling and saying ‘this wasn’t right if you were just thinking with your head this wouldn’t have happened.’ I tried to apologize but I felt so nervous people were watching and I was scared. My heart was beating so fast I couldn’t think straight.
All that came out was a mumbled sorry. She kept on telling me how bad it was and how I was stupid. After she finished, I walked away crying because I feel like I was being a jerk for what I did.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People make mistakes. This was your first time encountering this situation and now you’ve learned. Your friend probably has a lot of emotions around this but lashing out like that isn’t helpful to anyone.
She could have been sympathetic, and talked to you calmly about why it was not a good thing to do, and what to do in the future.” __username_________
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. They are not that girl anymore, and it’s proper to live as though that life didn’t happen.
It helps with the transition and to avoid triggers.
You may not have known, but it’s fairly common knowledge. No deadnaming, no sharing old photos, etc. Plus, depending on the person you show or tell, you could be outing them.
Which is just and only a jerk move. For that, you’d have no excuse.” Maine04330
Another User Comments:
“You were definitely wrong to show the photo, but it sounds like you stopped when it was pointed out. If that’s true and you have apologized to Jessica then NTJ.
Them yelling at you and ‘grouping up’ sounds pretty awful. If you want to continue or repair your friendship, find them alone and give a sincere apology without excuses or defensiveness and tell them you’d like to continue being friends.” ask
3. AITJ For Expecting My Children To Take Care Of Me?
“I’m a widower in my 50s and I have 2 adult children.
My daughter, in her 30s, lives 1 hour from my home with her husband and 2 children. My son is in his late 20s and lives far away (a 5-hour drive) with his fiancee. I live alone in a tiny flat.
Some time ago I fell ill.
Now, I’m disabled and even though I’m quite young, I’m bound to the bed and can no longer take care of myself. I can’t go to the bathroom or make food. Mostly I feel quite fine but every now and then suddenly it gets much worse, I need a shot, and I’m unable to do it myself (without the shot, I wouldn’t survive).
My doctor decided, that I can no longer live alone, and I can’t be left alone even for a moment.
It was obvious to me that my children will help, I’m still quite young and intelligent and have a lot of knowledge to offer.
I’m not going to move to any care facility as long as I have a family.
We have decided that they will take care of me in turns. My daughter lives with me for a month, then my son comes over and also lives with me for a month.
Usually, I ask them both to stay a week or two longer, as I like having them both with me. It’s safer that way. Especially I want my daughter to stay with me as long as possible, as she is better at all the medical stuff.
It was all nice until recently I criticized a dinner they made. Suddenly they told me I’m ungrateful and that they can’t live like that. My daughter was crying and wanted me to feel like I’m a jerk for keeping them with me.
My daughter says that her children can’t go on seeing their mother only on rare occasions and that she is unhappy. Son says that he wants to live in a different city and that his fiancee may dump him if he is leaving her for so long.
I don’t know why they overreacted like that. Should I be grateful just because they don’t leave me?
I tried to find a solution. I can’t move into my daughter’s family as their flat is too small. I offered that we could sell our two small flats and buy one bigger, but they say finances are tight and it’s impossible in this economy.
I offered the son’s fiancee to move in here with us, but she has a job and her family in her city so she is not going to do that. I will not move to them as it’s safer to be near my daughter, she is more responsible.
I think they don’t understand that not only their plans have changed, but I also had dreams and now I can’t do what I want. Life is more important than having free time and going for a beer with friends.
Also, if my daughter doesn’t see her children for a moment, they will still be ok, and if she leaves me I will be dead within a day.
Am I a jerk for deciding not to go to a care facility and for wanting to live with my family?
Edit: I am grateful that they help. I just can’t lie to them and say that everything they do is perfect when it isn’t (it’s about the dinner part). Also, I didn’t want to say that my life is more important than theirs.
What I wanted to say is that the fact that I’m alive and breathing is more important than partying and drinking, and the son said he wanted to go to a party. Years ago people had family values.
Edit2: we don’t have the means to hire any stay-at-home caregivers.
The care home I can go to is not a good one. It’s a place where there are a lot of people and not enough staff. I know that if I go there, I will not live for long. And no budget for any better care home.”
Another User Comments:
“A definite YTJ. This almost seems like rage bait, you are such a clueless jerk. I will give you the benefit of the doubt, though, and assume the worst of what you wrote is due to your limitations with English.
You are expecting your children to forego any semblance of a normal life for themselves to take care of you.
I am sorry you became disabled, I am sorry you are widowed (but I can just imagine how much you would be demanding from your wife if she had not passed), and I am sorry for the extra hardships life has thrown your way.
But, your situation is not your children’s fault and your children should not have to give up everything in their own life just because you got dealt an unfortunate hand in your own life.
Your primary job as a parent is to help provide a better future for your kids than you, yourself, had.
You are failing miserably at that as you only see your children as a source of free home care, their own hopes, dreams, and relationships are messed up.” tinteoj
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your expectations that they seriously damage and undermine their own lives for the rest of your life are not realistic or acceptable.
Your daughter has two young children! They need her! They can’t have their mother be away for 6 months or more out of the year. That will impact them greatly and be damaging to them. Your priority should be considering your grandchildren and their well-being while they are so young and vulnerable and need their mother – instead, your priority is yourself.
You’re not being a good father or grandfather. Additionally, you’re also happy to undermine the future of your son and his fiancee and your comment about her career is very disrespectful to her and the stability of your son’s future family.
I’m very sorry that you’ve found yourself disabled at a relatively young age. It must be very difficult and disappointing for you. There’s a lot of grief to process about your dreams for your future changing so dramatically.
However, what you’re asking your children to do for you is not acceptable.
Your children do not exist to serve your selfish interests for as long as you live. They are adults with their own lives and they deserve to live them just as you had a chance to live yours before your illness.
Your children weren’t born to be servants to you and your wants. They are not obligated to drop their own lives because you prefer home care by them instead of professional care.
It sounds like you are being told that you need round-the-clock care and so the best thing you can do for yourself and your children and grandchildren is either hire round-the-clock care yourself or move to a facility where you can get the care you need, ideally, closer to your kids so that they can visit.
Do not allow your selfishness to take your daughter away from her young children and your son to lose his chance at a happy married life. You minimize how destructive this is to them and their families, but make no mistake, this kind of burden of disrupting their lives to care for someone indefinitely will destroy their lives and families over time.
It’s too much to expect.
Your only choice is to move to a care facility. You can either do it now and keep your good relationship with your generous and caring children intact, or you can be forced to do it later when your children have no more capacity to continue with this highly destructive plan you have for them.
If you choose the latter, you won’t have any visits from them as you’ll have exhausted their goodwill and your selfishness will be all they remember.
And, for goodness sake, STOP CRITICIZING THEM! It’s outrageous that you’d think to be critical after they continue to sacrifice so much for you.” ghostforest
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your daughter has her own family to take care of, sure her children will survive without their mom, but they also need her. She can’t be with you literally half the time, and you even expect them to stay longer so you can have them both.
You refuse to go live with your son, which implies they actually agreed on having you there because your daughter is more responsible.
Your daughter has other responsibilities it’s not a child’s responsibility to take care of their mother. Your son has his own life with his fiancee and maybe starts a family of his own someday.
They’re allowed to have their own lives. They showed how much they love you by already doing this much for you. What are you expecting from them? That they are going to take care of you until your last breath, which could basically still be 50 more years?
Everyone, including your children, understands that living in a facility is not something you’d choose. But in this scenario, it’s the best for everyone, also for you. So your children can be your children again instead of your caregivers. So you can be a grandmother to your grandchildren again instead of the woman that keeps their mom away from them.
You can always make arrangements with your family to maybe spend some nights with them.” Miszmii
2. AITJ For Deciding To Go To The Event With A Different Friend?
“My friend Abby and I got into a bit of a fight over this issue. For context, Abby is one of my close friends, we go clubbing, partying, etc together. There was a free event (paint and relax) at the beach that she invited me to, and I don’t get a chance to go out to the beach often.
I did see the event and was considering it until my other close friend Shelly invited me a few hours later. Shelly is a close friend from another friend group, and has hung out a few times together with Abby but is not too close with her.
At first, I considered going with Abby and Shelly together to the beach event. However, I really just wanted to go with Shelly alone. When I go to the beach I like to relax, take naps, and enjoy the company of a friend without having to talk too much.
Abby, on the other hand, likes to be very chatty, wants to swim together and play volleyball, etc, etc. I don’t think anything is wrong with that, but we just have different preferences. The extroversion is fun in some settings like the club but for the beach, I just wanted to relax with my super chill friend Shelly.
So I told Abby I might go to the beach separately with Shelly and I might see her there. She asked why we didn’t go all together and I kinda gave her a vague excuse (like oh I don’t like mixing friend groups) because I (people pleaser) didn’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings like ‘oh cause you’re too loud and I want some peace and quiet.’
I went to the event with Shelly, and eventually, I ran into Abby, who was there with one of her friends. I said hi and I think Abby kinda expected to merge into one big group after a brief chat but I said goodbyes and walked away with Shelly where we relaxed on the beach.
After the event, Abby confronted me and asked why she felt like I was avoiding her at the event, and also that it was kinda shady that I went with Shelly and not her to the exact same event she invited me to first. I just said that ‘I feel like we don’t vibe well at the beach cause we have different preferences’ and that for things like the beach ‘I prefer going with Shelly’ and not to take it personally without going into specifics (since I don’t think her extroversion is a bad thing, just wasn’t my cup of tea for this setting).
I thought she would understand but she got upset, said I was a bad friend and we haven’t talked since.
AITJ for being invited to an event and choosing to go with a different friend? Is there a better way I could have communicated this (eg.
Be more direct/honest? More tactful?)? Am I a bad friend for this or is Abby just taking it personally and I should just accept that sometimes people get upset no matter what you do.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I would say that maybe you could’ve worded it better but I’d say you’re justified.
If it was me I’d have said I wasn’t feeling very chatty today and I know we’re always chatting so I didn’t want to bore you and thought going with shelly would be better etc
Abby’s also justified in being upset though because from her perspective she likely just sees it as an excuse where you’re just trying not to say ‘I don’t like you,’ ‘you annoy me,’ etc and I totally get that, being a sensitive person myself, if I invited my friend somewhere and they said no just to turn up with someone else and then part ways instead of sitting together I’d definitely think they hated me.
Abby definitely isn’t the jerk but I also don’t think this is an A-worthy action/behavior. It’s just unfortunate miscommunication and misinterpretation of saving people’s feelings.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You declined her invite-only to go to the exact same event with someone else, I’m not sure how you expected that to go over well.
It’s fine to do different things with different friends IF you’re all on the same page. But you indirectly told her that you view her as only a party/club friend and not a true friend whose company you truly enjoy or who you enjoy talking to.
Of course, she took it personally.” GhostParty21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Like yea, it ended up being awkward seeing her there but you let her know beforehand you were doing your own thing. She can get upset but you just did what you wanted, can’t always people please.” Kingkswiss
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
As an introvert myself, you should’ve been honest when you got both invites rather than saying whatever you did that resulted in the awkward exchange when you bumped into each other at the beach.
You were ‘honest’ when she confronted you AFTER, but you should’ve been honest before.
Her being mad at you now is a consequence of your actions and being any more ‘honest’ by saying you’d have found her too talkative at the beach would’ve just been a bigger shovel to dig yourself a bigger hole.” sarusagi
1. AITJ For Confronting My Mother-In-Law About Her Favoritism?
“My wife (30F) has in recent months been feeling like she and our kids are being overlooked/neglected by her mom.
My MIL has unintentionally been showing an imbalance of attention to other family members and grandkids, and our family is kind of left out. I had been telling my wife for a month or two that she needs to have a conversation with her mom about how she was feeling, but my wife didn’t want to make things awkward and refused to confront her mom.
I finally had enough of seeing my wife upset and hurt, so I confronted my MIL about the situation but told her not to mention it to my wife. Things got better and changes were made, so I was feeling good about the situation and my decision to say something.
Fast forward about 5 months, my wife found out inadvertently that I had had this talk with her mom. She is now very upset at me for having the conversation without her knowledge and thinks I’m in the wrong even though the situation got better.
The talk needed to happen, and the end result was good, but my wife feels like this was a betrayal of her trust and she’s upset that I kept it a secret from her. So, did I do the right thing or AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – for the way you handled this, even tho it was well-meaning. The end result does not justify the means. First, you are not your wife’s savior – let her deal with her own mother.
Second – never tell someone to keep something from your wife – I would have serious trust issues if I found out. You need to apologize to your wife and work on gaining her trust.” Oh_Wiseone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You shouldn’t have told her not to say anything to your wife, but she’s also an adult and didn’t have to agree to that. I’m not saying your wife would have rather been miserable than doing something about what turned out to be an easily fixed situation, but it’s that or she is embarrassed by the fact you were right when you told her to talk to her mother.
Does she always have problems with communicating when it comes to uncomfortable situations?” PommeDeSang
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, though well-intentioned. Asking family members to keep secrets from each other causes trouble, and you’re specifically asked not to do exactly what you did.” Existentialnaps
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