People Seek Counsel Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Compromise On The Areas I Would Live In?
“I’m (30) a single Mom to an almost 8-year-old son that is on the Autism Spectrum. His Dad and I broke up when our son was a baby due to his infidelity. His Dad gets him every other weekend, a visit during the week, and a week on/week off over the summer.
After we split, I moved about 30 miles away (30-40 minutes depending on traffic) and have been in my city ever since. My city is in the top 10 school districts in my area which have been helpful throughout the years so my son could get services.
He currently goes to a private school designed for kids with Autism and Sensory issues but will be going to another private school for 2nd grade in the Fall. Along with being a single Mom, I work part-time in retail (I used to work in the hospital but left in mid-2020) and I’m also in my first semester of nursing school.
Here’s the issue: I’ve been with my partner (35-M) for a year. Within the last month or so, we’ve had conversations about potentially moving forward in our relationship (I.E. moving in together and getting engaged a year or so after that).
The conversations have hit an abrupt halt because he says I’m being a ‘Karen’ because I don’t want to move to some areas that he’s suggesting, primarily because the housing is cheaper in these areas. I’d also like to note that my partner isn’t from our area and has only been in the city for about a year and a half, so the areas he’s suggesting while yes, it’s cheaper, they’re not areas where I feel comfortable going outside by myself at night.
Another issue I’m having is the locations that he’s suggesting are really far from my college. My current apartment is right by the freeway so getting to campus is about 20 miles away but my clinical sites can potentially be very far (I’m talking up to 50 miles from home, one way).
His current commute from his Law Firm is only 16 miles and he only goes into the office on average twice a week for meetings. Another idea he has is moving into a more urban area because of how ‘up and coming’ the areas are and that the condo will sell quickly, but again, this involves basically living in an area that is covered in bars and restaurants that is loud throughout the week and really has no children in that area, and no parks either.
At this point, I told him that I’m okay if he wants to purchase a house in his desired area and I will just continue to live in my apartment until I graduate and go from there. He hates this idea but doesn’t want to compromise on areas that are also beneficial to me and my son.
I’d also like to add that he’s the one putting the down payment on the house and I would be paying a portion of either the mortgage with him, the utilities, the taxes, or the HOA fees if it’s a condo.
AITJ for not wanting to compromise on the areas I would live in?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And honestly, I’d be cautious about moving in with this guy. He’s called you a ‘Karen’ for being reluctant to move to areas where you wouldn’t feel safe alone at night, that aren’t conducive to having a kid with special needs, and that are far from your school and future clinical assignments.
Sounds to me like best case scenario, he’s selfish and not considering your needs/wants at all.
And worst-case scenario is he’s controlling and doesn’t like the prospect of you finishing school and being more financially independent so he’s laying the groundwork to make that difficult for you.
And he may not want your son around and is hoping that his father will take him after ya’ll move to a condo in an ‘up and coming’ part of the city.
That the conversations ‘come to an abrupt halt’ and he calls you names for not liking the areas he’s suggesting does not instill confidence in me that this dude really values you.
He’s the one buying a place, he can buy it where he likes. But that doesn’t mean you have to move in and subsidize his mortgage payment if the area doesn’t suit your needs. I’d proceed with caution if I were you.” BellFirestone
Another User Comments:
“HA! I thought this was going to be about the father of your child thinking you’d moved too far away from him. But no. It’s a man you’ve only been seeing for a year who expects you to move yourself and your child out of an area that you specifically chose because of how well it fits all of your needs and because it’s more convenient for his investment in real estate.
And then equates you to a person who berates minimum wage workers over missing ketchup packets because you want to prioritize your career and you AND your child’s education over helping him afford a condo. Who does he think he is?
NTJ. Personally, I would reconsider this relationship entirely. He doesn’t respect your decisions or responsibility as a parent, and if I’m really reaching, he might be opposed to your plan of just continuing to live separately because he’s counting on you to help him pay the bills.” CumulativeHazard
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have excellent reasons for staying where you are, especially since your son’s needs are being met, and you have an easier commute as a single mom to your nursing college. I’m wondering if you could discuss a compromise with your partner, such as renting a larger apartment together in your area until you finish your education.
Non-negotiable, however, is moving to an area that is unsafe. I can’t figure out why your partner thinks that’s a good idea for you and your son.
Also, is he controlling? It seems he wants to make all the decisions.
I get that he’s providing the down payment, but you’ll be contributing too, especially once you finish college. Red flag for me there.” Specialist-Raise-949
18. AITJ For Making My Stepson Feel Like I Have Favorites?
“I did not know my husband had a son from his ex. I married my husband not knowing he had a son. I only found out about it AFTER my daughter turned 2. We’ve dated for 3 years, but not once did he mention his son.
I never met his son before that. Even after our wedding and during my pregnancy.
It was the ex who came over to our house with Josh (he was 5 back then).
Nonetheless, after A LOT of counseling, talks, me going through and asking every single question there is – even the absurd ones – we figured it out.
I went from livid about his omission, to just annoyed.
Josh occasionally stays over throughout the 11 years since I was made aware of him, and throughout those times, he sleeps on our pullout couch. We lived in a two-bedroom apartment and had another girl.
So my daughters – Anna 13 and Jane 10 – shared a bedroom. I tried my best when it came to Josh, but he said he never saw me as his mom, which was fair to me.
Josh turned 16, and stuff went down with the court.
I don’t know the full details. All I know is that Josh’s mom was deemed unfit. My husband said Josh had nowhere to go and can’t stay at his aunt’s forever. We’re not rich, but we needed to make a plan.
We moved into a two-bedroom house BUT with a furnished basement.
Before we told the kids, my husband and I talked. I said that we should give the basement to the two girls since it’s a bigger space to share.
They will hit their teens, and I don’t want them to feel cramped and seem like they don’t have privacy from each other when they need it. Josh would be taking the bedroom upstairs. My husband agreed.
The day we move, he flipped it.
He told Josh that he was getting the basement and that it would be all his, it was like a mini-living room, etc. I was livid and pulled my husband aside. He told me Josh was planning to stay here while he goes to college in the future, and it should be fair for him to get a bigger space.
I said it’s fine if he wants to stay, I’ll give him that choice. But the girls are going to turn into teens. It’s not fair for them to be cramped in one bedroom and lack privacy from each other.
He told me to tell Josh myself then. I did.
I sat down with Josh, I told him that the initial agreement was he can get the upstairs room for as long as he needs. And that it has a walk-in closet and we can even install a TV for him – his gaming setup also fits with still a lot of room to play VR.
Josh blew up on me. He called me a jerk and said just because I wasn’t his son, I shouldn’t be taking his room away. He told me he was sick and tired of me always favoring the girls. Which in my opinion, I tried my best. I brought him with us on trips – the girls enjoy his company and look up to him – I paid for his school trips, and I sat with him during A LOT of parent-teacher conferences.
I called out from work when he was sick to take care of him. I tried my best. But I feel like I’m made the jerk in this situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your husband made a joint decision, then he backed out of it and made you tell Josh.
Your husband wants to be the good guy in all this and doesn’t care how you and Josh get along. You and your husband need to sit down with Josh together and tell him this was a joint decision.
You need to present yourselves to him as a united front, or Josh is always going to think you’re the bad guy.” Quiet_Nerd_2148
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Even if you work through all the issues of your husband lying to you for years, he is still treating you the same way!
He is lying and manipulating his spouse and children and has been for years.
Look at the similarities and how he treated you before and how he’s still treating you:
He let you buy a house with him under the impression that your girls would have a certain room.
He let you make that major financial and emotional investment while lying to you because he was telling his son the exact opposite. This is exactly what he did when he dated you, got engaged, and allowed you to make this serious investment into marrying him!
His behavior has not changed.
And then instead of accepting the responsibility of telling his son, he left it on you to do. Of course, this would damage your relationship with the son! The 16-year-old had a messed up life with his entire family, and his deadbeat father promised him an apartment.
Now his ‘evil stepmother’ is telling him he has to give that up so HER daughters can have it. Of course, he’s not going to like you and we’ll see you as favoring your daughters! Your husband never should have put you in that position!
She made you choose between following the agreement or looking like a jerk to your stepson. What a terrible thing for a husband to do.
Just to clarify too, I don’t think you’re evil. LOL. But of course, the stepson is going to see you as the enemy because your husband made it that way!
Regardless of if internet strangers think the stepson should have their room or the daughter should have the room (I’m actually on the fence), it’s your husband’s disgusting behavior that’s causing the problems here!” Minute-Set-4931
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband sure is.
I can’t even call Josh a jerk because it sounds like the kid’s had it rough and is having trouble dealing.
Just a word of advice – don’t stay with someone you don’t love for the kids. The kids know when the marriage isn’t working and it’s much better for them in the long term for you to be happy.
Otherwise, your relationship is often what they end up using as a template for their relationships when they grow up.” honey-smile
17. AITJ For Being Honest With My Friend When She Asked For My Opinion?
“My (33F) friend (30F) doesn’t have a lot of experience when it comes to going out with people. She started going out with this guy (36M) about a year ago. Their whole relationship was very tumultuous because when they started seeing each other, he was already planning to move across the country at some point (we live in the US), so he was quite standoffish, and never really wanted to put in a lot of effort, because he said from the beginning that he didn’t want to do long distance.
Every time she talked to him about it, he would say all the right things to keep her around, and then immediately start pulling away again.
In the fall, she ended up spiraling down because she was so confused about everything, and she already has a history of depression.
All of her friends spent a lot of nights comforting her, drinking with her, and spending time with her. He was doing nothing to help the situation. Finally, in November, she broke up with him, which all of her friends were happy about.
Current situation: They started going out again about a month ago. The sale of his house is about to be finalized, and he’s hoping to move by the beginning of next month. My friend says that he seems so much better now, and they are talking about giving long-distance a try because he said he ‘really wants to get to know her.’ All of her friends are sitting back just waiting for this to end badly, but none of us believe in giving advice unless asked, so we are just trying to be supportive.
Well, I guess she is self-conscious or something since no one has really given their opinions, but we were all hanging out and she asked my opinion of their relationship and it turning into the long term. I asked if she was sure, and she said yes.
So, I told her that I don’t think he changed in the 4 months since she dumped him, and that he is just using her as a time filler until he leaves. And that once he moves out there, they may work on the long distance for a time, but ultimately he will start to build a life there that doesn’t include her.
And then he will probably get tired of maintaining a long-distance relationship, but since he isn’t adult enough to end it himself, he will probably just do what he did before and start pulling away from her, and becoming more and more distant.
Then she will start spiraling down into the ‘what is going on, I don’t understand’ canyon (again). And he will push her until she finally dumps him. Then she will probably never hear from him again.
Everyone pretty much agreed with me.
She got really mad and said that none of us are true friends because true friends would be supportive. She stormed out, and none of us have heard from her since. She’s just been posting a lot of quotes about relationships and friendships on social media since then, but won’t respond to texts.
Did I handle this badly? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She asked for your opinion, and you shared it. Nothing wrong with that.
Being having been in this situation, I recommend in the future if you want to keep someone as a friend, you should tell them that they need to see a professional therapist about their relationship issues as you are not an expert in this topic and want them to get the best help possible.
Honestly, that is what your friend actually needs – a therapist and relationship coach. Someone to tell her their professional opinion without worrying about damaging their future relationship with her or her partner. Then when your friend tells you about their relationship issue, you can agree with what you can, and avoid the landmines – you can go back to being her friend instead of her therapist and relationship coach.” paneratruefan816
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This could be the first person she’s ever fallen in love with/the first physical relationship she’s ever had.
Your advice was well-intentioned but this is her life and she needs to figure this out herself.
Also if she is age 30 without much relationship experience her self-esteem is probably not high. I think a lot of women see failures like this as a painful reflection of their own value/lack of attractiveness and that’s why they get angry at other people pointing them out, rather than blaming the man.
Instead of just telling her he’s using her one idea might be to just advise her to date someone else/tell her she can actually do better.” Ok_Cod_4995
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She asked. You checked to make sure she wanted the truth.
You did what an actual friend does and gave her the unfiltered truth. Not unkindly. You didn’t call her names or criticize her. She asked for your opinion and you all gave it. She is going to be hurt for a while.
She clearly wasn’t ready for the actual truth. If you want to continue to be friends all you can really do is be there when she realizes the truth of what you’ve said to help pick her life up again and get it together.
You’re a good friend, you did the right thing, she doesn’t need someone to coddle her, she needs the truth.” roxysinsox
16. AITJ For Telling My Partner I Won't Ask Him To Be My Emergency Contact?
“I (28f) and my partner (26m) have been together for 2 and a half years, living together for 2 years. A couple of days ago we got into argument because I told him that he wouldn’t be the person I called if I had an emergency.
He used to be the person I called if I had an emergency but every single time I have called him he has let me down. I called him when I found out I needed surgery on my knee and asked if he could take me and pick me up.
He told me that work was more important. When I went into anaphylactic shock I called him and again work was more important and my boss and one of my coworkers left work to take me to the hospital and stayed with me the whole time.
When my brother passed away I called him for emotional support and all he said was that sucks. Lastly, this summer by the back window of my car literally exploded when I was driving with my daughter, I called him and he said he didn’t know what I expected him to do and hung up the phone.
I called my boss again who came and helped me.
When I told him this he said it was mean and hurtful and asked me how he isn’t there for me. I told him all the things I mentioned above.
He then asked me how I’ve ever helped him when he had an emergency. I brought up giving him a place to live when he almost became homeless, dropping everything when he got into a car accident and driving around to get him the parts he needed to fix his car, giving him my old car to drive after another car accident (he also got into an accident in my old car), giving him my old iPhone when he dropped his into a lake and couldn’t afford to get a new one and giving him funds when he doesn’t have enough to cover his bills.
I’m also the one who pays for all the household needs like bills, food, and anything else that’s needed. I also do 95% of the cleaning and all of the cooking.
After telling him all this he said that my not texting him in the morning is the same thing as him not showing up for me in emergency situations and that his job is more important than I am to him.
We’ve barely talked since the fight and are sleeping in different beds. So AITJ for telling him that he’s not the person I would call anymore if I need help?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But, side note, I think you are overusing the word ’emergency.’ Telling him you’ll need a ride to and from surgery doesn’t constitute an emergency.
You getting in a car accident and being rushed to the hospital & needing immediate surgery is an emergency.
I think what you mean is that you can’t count on him. If there were an emergency, he’s likely not the best person to call first.
You’re NTJ for what you said & how you’re feeling. It’s important to be in a relationship with somebody you can count on and somebody that listens to you. You should reevaluate whether or not this is a relationship you’d like to keep putting effort into.” Woahquokka
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So glad you’ve seen that this is an abusive relationship. A good partner is there for you and can at least pay their half of the bills. Housework and cleaning etc are done together. If you are in a continuous cycle of abusive relationships, some therapy may help you figure out why and help you see warning signs when you’re ready to date again.
You deserve to be respected and loved, this guy didn’t show you either.” noccie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Wow. Hopefully, the act of writing all this out has shown you – you need to end it.
You don’t need someone in your life taking up major space never mind that you are financially supporting who is such a disaster as a partner and just as a friend, too.
He’s a user and he’s made it clear you are in no way important to him. It’s fine for your job to perhaps be #1 BUT that doesn’t mean it is across all situations, ie emergencies.
Kick him out.” OLAZ3000
15. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out Of My Engagement Dinner Party?
“I’m blessed to be marrying the love of my life. My engagement party was booked at an upscale restaurant, and prior to the day I sat my sister down and told her that I wanted the party to be focused on the wedding and to please not go above and beyond to take photos for her social media page.
I might get flack for this part, but my sister is trying really hard to become famous online. I’ve never said anything to her because she’s an adult and this is her life, but for my wedding I really didn’t want her to pull any of her antics.
Because she doesn’t just take a few photos to post. She’s the embarrassing (in my opinion) caricature of the perpetually online influencer. She’ll order two dishes at a restaurant: one to take photos of because it’s prettier, and the second to actually eat.
She’s stopped traffic before to take outfit photos in the street. She’s also staged ‘fake’ things to post online (one time she started crying in a Starbucks and made a fake store up about how the barista bullied her).
I want to make it clear that I did not bar my sister from taking photos.
I just didn’t want her doing something that would embarrass me.
Everything was ok, until she literally stood on top of her chair to take a top down photo of her meal. Everyone was staring and in shock, and a waiter had to come and ask her to sit down.
She refused to, and started to loudly argue with the waiter, saying that she was the sister of the bride, and then started to loudly sob that she was getting bullied.
I was mortified and immediately had the groomsmen escort her out of the room.
She’s since blasted me on social media calling me a jerk for not handling the situation with more ‘grace and empathy’. She says that I could have given her a warning instead of kicking her immediately out. I was kind of panicking so I wonder if I could have handled it better.”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. Your sister is extremely selfish. You DID give her an advanced warning and she still chose to show her a*s, embarra*sing you in front of your family and friends so she doesn’t deserve your empathy.
Weddings are stressful under even the best conditions. It’s a time when all the attention should be focused on you and your partner and the commitment you’re making together. It’s not about her or her selfish need for attention. You handled it beautifully and with grace.
Tell her to consider this a 2nd and final warning: if she behaves like a petulant child during the wedding or reception your groomsmen will be ready and waiting to put her in her place – an Uber ride home.
Good luck and congratulations!” Diligent_Cow2842
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Definitely not.
Your sister is extremely obnoxious, and borderline obsessed with an online image. That is not okay.
Honestly, and I don’t know how to go about this, she needs to get help with this because it sounds like she’s addicted to social media.
You asked her not to do her usual thing. You specifically told her to be calm for the day. It was NOT too much to ask. She completely disregarded that request and acted selfish and annoying.
I apologise for calling her out like that, but I feel it’s important to point this out.
But more than all of that… I hope your wedding was amazing. It sounds like you’re really happy, and that makes me, some random person on the internet, smile.
Congratulations!” XBakaTacoX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she doesn’t know how to be an influencer from your description.
You order one plate of food, take the photos the boomerangs etc, then you ate that same plate of food. And you don’t stand in a chair, you raise your hands up OR (the good ones) hold it at an angle so you have depth and dimension.
And you do not create a fake scene that could get a stranger in trouble at their place of business for clout.
You did the right thing and I would highly recommend your wedding be ‘unplugged’ and have someone on her to make sure she follows the rules.” Carrie_Oakie
14. AITJ For Arguing With My Husband Over Dog Poop At Early In The Morning?
“My husband works every day at 6:30 am and leaves the house around 5:30 am and he works long days though the job itself isn’t physically demanding.
I am a full-time student and part-time personal care worker so I am also quite busy though admittedly less so.
Normally, our puppy wakes up around 4:45 am so I often wake up before my husband and take the puppy out and start my day.
I don’t really have a problem with waking up that early most days as I sleep pretty early.
Last night, I wanted to read before bed and my husband told me he didn’t want to see my reading light so I said no problem and read and eventually fell asleep in the guest room.
The crate (our puppy sleeps in it) and the puppy stayed in our room. This morning, I woke up to my husband telling me the dog pooped in the bedroom even though he took the dog out. But he knows you have to give the dog a couple of minutes outside to finish his business instead of rushing him which is most likely what he did.
He leaves. I get up and see that not only did the puppy poop in the bedroom but it was on the carpet and he left it there. To MARINATE into the carpet. I was incredibly disgusted and angry that I was woken up to clean poop when he was already awake and today is the only day where I start class later.
Here is where I may be the jerk.
I texted him in anger asking him why he would leave dog poop on the carpet and wake me up to clean it when he was already awake. He said he himself was having stomach issues today and had to take a dump too and by the time he was done he had to leave so as not to be late.
I told him I do not care about his excuses that’s a disgusting and vile thing to do to purposely let poop sink into the carpet and this isn’t the first time he has left poop for me to clean up.
I also told him I could never have kids with him for this very reason (he’s been wanting a baby I have been on the fence for at least another couple of years) and that I would be stuck doing everything for it.
He got upset at me for making ‘pandemonium’ so early in the morning.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And he is definitely not ready for kids if his first instinct on seeing puppy poop on the floor is to wake you up to clean it.
Even if he didn’t have time to bust out the carpet cleaner, it shouldn’t have taken more than a minute or two to pick up the poop with some toilet paper and use a wet, soapy cloth to at least scrub the worst of it out.
What a lazy jerk.” BlueMikeStu
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I didn’t think so until the last paragraph of you telling him you could never have kids with him because of this. That’s a huge thing to say out of anger in text and something that could break a marriage.
And it didn’t sound like he had ‘excuses’ but explanations. It seems like it was a rough morning for him too and I don’t know how his job is, but I CANNOT be late to work. I would have had to leave it too if I was stuck in the bathroom with stomach issues.
Marriage is a partnership. If he had a hard time this morning this is where you step in. Maam he had a stomach ache. In sickness and health right? If o were your husband I’d be concerned you could get so callous after something like this.
YTJ.” rabgsdtn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he had time to wake you up and inform you, he had time to clean it. It would have taken less time to have just cleaned it up when he saw it, rather than wake you up.
Babies are way more work than a puppy. And you can’t just leave a baby sitting in its poop because you ‘don’t have time.’ If he’s on such a tight schedule he couldn’t afford two minutes to clean it, he needs to seriously work on his time management in the morning.
What if there would have been traffic? Or an accident, or road work? That would have taken longer than cleaning after the puppy. If that’s truly the excuse he wants to run with, he needs to start waking up earlier in the morning.
If he leaves at 5:30, what time does he wake up? Because you say you wake up earlier since the puppy needs to use the restroom around 4:45. If he’s leaving at 5:30, and you are waking up before him at 4:45, do you mean to tell me he’s only giving himself 30 minutes or less to get ready for work and do everything he needs to do in the morning?
Why is he not waking up with the puppy in the morning, that’d give him 45 minutes to get ready, which is much more reasonable and would solve the puppy bathroom problem since he could take the dog out when he first woke up.
Sounds like he’s only giving himself enough time to eat, get dressed, and maybe take a shower if he rushes it. That’s terrible time management. There’s no way that’ll be functional with a child.
This incident alone tells me he isn’t ready to be a father yet.
A real child is an a LOT more work than a puppy.” Picdoor
13. AITJ For Hiring My Cousin's Nanny?
“I (35F) have a cousin ‘Shauna’ (40F) who had twin girls in 2018 but because of some complications while giving birth one of them had birth asphyxia that caused severe brain damage. Shauna’s daughter suffers from cerebral palsy and epilepsy.
Back in August, I hired a young girl, Bianca, (22F) as a maid.
Around November, I told Bianca I really didn’t have any need for a maid currently and could easily do most of my chores plus take care of the kids myself but if I needed someone and she was free I’d hire her again.
Shauna immediately hired her as a nanny and I was really happy for them as Bianca found work with a good family and Shauna had the help she needed. I was skeptical about how Bianca was with kids because I never left my kids with her and would do most of the childcare myself (I have one toddler and two school-age children).
A few days ago, around the end of January, I contacted Bianca if she knew anyone as I needed a maid/nanny as my job was becoming more demanding and I needed someone to be home for the kids. Bianca told me she’d be available by the first of February, I asked about Shauna and she said the work was too demanding taking care of her daughter plus chores around the house concerning her other five kids.
Bianca came by the first and she’s been working with me since then. I did not talk with Shauna as I thought Bianca and her had worked something out on their own.
On the third, Bianca keeps getting calls and she keeps disconnecting them.
After some time I get a call from Shauna crying and screaming saying I stole Bianca from her. I have no idea what she saying and when I confront Bianca while still on the phone with Shauna she admits that she’s been trying to quit for a while but Shauna keeps begging her and emotionally blackmailing her not to quit that she had no choice but to get another job without informing Shauna.
I hang up and get angry with Bianca that now I’m in an uncomfortable position cause Shauna is my cousin. I do not want to fire Bianca cause I’m also in dire need of help too plus she’s already worked a week with me.
Naturally, the entire family thinks I’m a jerk cause I stole Bianca from Shauna. Only my mom, MIL, and sisters are on my side but everyone else including my SILs are saying I should fire Bianca and let Shauna hire her again.
Plus I’m getting constant calls from Shauna begging me to let go of Bianca cause she needs her more. Bianca doesn’t want to go but Shauna keeps spamming her and telling her she’ll pay her more like 25% more than what I’m paying her now.
I let Bianca make the final decision and she said she wanted to stay with me. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think Bianca should have ultimately been firmer with Shauna and Shauna should have accepted her resignation the first time and tried to work out an arrangement with Bianca that gave her time to find someone else.
I understand Shauna’s desperation, however, and it’s not surprising she’s lashing out. I would just explain that you didn’t know what was going on with her and Bianca and then give her space.
All your relatives saying you should fire Bianca so she will work for Shauna again are treating her like a commodity, rather than a human that can choose where and how she works and that is really gross.
Do not fire Bianca over this.” chveya_
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for being mad at Bianca who had to ghost your psycho cousin to physically escape what sounds like an exploitative situation. How is it Bianca’s fault that she quit and your cousin refused to accept her new reality?
You’re in an uncomfortable situation because Shawna’s a jerk. Tell the rest of your jerk family that Bianca won’t work for Shawna even if you fired her. You’re not a jerk for hiring Bianca though. Your cousin is unhinged.” VegaofLyra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Bianca is not Shauna’s property and maybe if she hadn’t been dumping more on her than should have she’d still be working for her, the fact is trying to blackmail you and Bianca says it all, and like Bianca has said, she wouldn’t work for her again even if you did fire her!
Tell Shauna to grow up and quit the emotional blackmail, tell your SIL/narky relations that going no contact is always an option, and if they refuse to see what Shauna is doing that’s on them! Maybe point out that Bianca isn’t a used car to pass around, SHE decided to leave, and Shauna made it impossible for her to do it nicely, simple!
I will say though if let her go because were iffy on her childcare skills, why did you hire her.” mrspurp751
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You didn’t steal Bianca from your cousin. She didn’t want to work for her anymore.
You could have maybe asked her about it.
Bianca should have quit like a big girl.
You shouldn’t be angry at Bianca for putting you in a position, you had a phone you could have called Shauna. Shauna should be annoyed at Bianca for not giving notice.
Shauna seems like an unpleasant person, which was probably why Bianca was afraid or didn’t care to give notice. She shouldn’t be calling people and yelling at them. She shouldn’t be begging someone to work for her to care for her children that don’t want to.” DoraTheUrbanExplorer
12. AITJ For Not Inviting My Old Friend To A Yacht Party?
“I joined this car club and I met this guy, we’ll call him Liam.
Liam is really well off, his parents were already well off and he sold a company 10 years ago and hasn’t worked since then. I am not rich but I am in a well-paying profession. And in this car club, the guys let you rent out each other’s cars and all.
I have been to some of Liam’s events he has thrown in the past. About two months ago he had this party at his mansion. I brought my friend Jess along, I have told her about this Liam guy in the past and I had a plus one and she really wanted to go as she has never been to a mansion party.
At the party the food, the drinks, and the entertainment were all really good, however, Jess found it creepy that Liam despite being in his 40s had a bunch of girls in their early 20s there. Jess said that she lost respect for me and that I am friends with this guy.
Recently Liam hosted a party for his birthday and he rented out a yacht and he had a celebrity performance as well, which was really cool, also there were a couple of guys from the local NFL team that showed up as well, I ended up taking another female friend of mine call her Liz.
Liz went out and bragged to everyone about how cool of a party it was. She didn’t mean to make anyone feel bad she was just really hyped about it.
Jess confronts me and then is upset with me because I didn’t invite her or even ask her about it despite the fact that she is a closer friend of mine than Liz.
(Liz is someone that I recently became friends with). She told me that she is really hurt that she has lived in Miami for 4 years and hasn’t been to a party like that and now Liz moves here 4 months ago and I take her there.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Liam can invite anyone he wants to his parties, which could include younger women, it is Miami after all and there are apparently many that enjoy going to rich guy’s parties.
You are in a car club with the guy, he isn’t Jeffrey Epstein.
If Jess is so disappointed in you for knowing someone who has funds, likes cars, and is willing to spend my funds on parties for many people he probably doesn’t know, then she shouldn’t be upset that she wasn’t invited.” WinginVegas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – (1) If Jess didn’t like Liam and said she lost respect for you for being around Liam then she doesn’t respect you as a person and your right to be friends with other people. (2) Why did Liam creep her out?
The only thing I can think of is that she didn’t like him around women half his age. People can be friends with people of any age. If the person is an adult, it would be weird being friends with someone who is not at least in high school – this is as friends, not a relationship thing.
Not to mention, it’s been known for decades that there are single people who will flirt with those who are much older but have funds.
(3) The amount of time Jess has lived in that state compared to Liz does not matter.
opportunities arise for anyone at any time in their life and the duration you have lived in a place or worked for a company does not matter. (4) You did not have to talk to Jess about it. It is a nice thing to do, but it’s your invite, your life, you have other friends that would love the opportunity to go and appreciate it and she already told you she didn’t like Liam as well as she lost respect for you.
Are you and Jess married? Are you and Jess in a relationship?
If you guys are just friends, you do not owe her anything for taking her to fancy parties. She didn’t appreciate the first one and lost respect for you.
She doesn’t sound like a good friend. To me, if she doesn’t like Liam and lost respect for you, it sounds like she is using you for the lifestyle that comes with being wealthy or knowing people in high-class circles.
It sounds like she is jealous of Liz for getting a piece of the cake of high-class life. Hopefully, she learned from this and instead of being petty and upset over something you did not do wrong, she will grow and realize she is being selfish and disrespectful to you and your friend.” WriterDazzling7753
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but Jess needs to get her own story straight. She lost respect for you for being around Liam, then she’s mad when you don’t invite her around Liam again? She obviously just wants to come to enjoy the $$$ aspect of the party itself but thinks the host is creepy… Yeah no, tell Jess to kick rocks!
‘She’s really hurt’ my butt! You know what’s really hurtful and fake?! Trash talking someone behind their back and expecting to be invited to their parties.” Traditional_Check705
She is self-righteous and hypocritical.
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Fiancé's Sister To Our Wedding?
“My fiancé (28M) and I (27F) are getting married next year.
His family is Spanish but all of them speak perfect English. I don’t speak Spanish at all. When I visit his family, no one ever switches to English. They all always act like I am not there. They just don’t make effort to include me in their conversations at all.
I swallowed this for years and I learned to live with it. However, I can’t stand how his little sister (27F) treats me. Here are some examples:
When we visit his family, she always asks my fiancé if they can spend time in 2 – to have some quality sibling time.
Without me. Since I don’t know anybody in Spain, it just means that they are going out for a whole day and I just stay alone with their parents (who are ignoring me). I cannot comprehend how people can treat their guests like that.
I would never dream to tell my fiancé to stay in a room in my hometown because I need some quality time with my sister.
I hate the smell of smoke. My nose is sensitive and I just can’t stand it.
I never have problems with it in public – when I smell it, I just move to avoid standing next to a smoker. His sister is a smoker and she knows I hate the smell. She was asked many times to move her smoking elsewhere when I am present, however, she always refused. There were times when we were eating lunch, and she was smoking next to me – knowing it disturbs me a lot.
When I wanted to leave the table for 5 mins to wait out the smoke, my fiancé was calling me rude. Also when I was refusing to sit down next to her – I was apparently being offensive.
We were planning a family trip.
One day I was talking to my SO in English when his sister comes between us and starts talking to my fiancé in Spanish – ignoring my presence completely. He told me that his sister came and asked him to not bring me on that family trip, that it will be better without me, and that I am not welcome there.
I felt super disrespectful that someone can stand in front of me and say all these things in another language knowing I wouldn’t understand.
There were many moments when I was having an English discussion with my fiancé, and his sister was just coming in and interrupting us without even ‘hi’ to me.
She was just starting to speak Spanish to my fiancé and I was just standing there… feeling very unwelcome.
She advised my fiancé to break up with me many times. She was telling his whole family mean stuff about me.
Apparently that I am jealous, toxic, etc. None of it is true. I was very hurt hearing it, but I get it. If she felt like it, she should inform her brother. But not supporting our relationship makes me not want to invite her to our wedding.
And other more subtle stuff.
Now we are preparing a guest list. I don’t want to invite her. I know I won’t have a good time at my own wedding if she’s there. Things she was doing to me were subtle, but I always felt excluded and bad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for feeling how you do, and I feel like you will never truly win with your finance versus his family and this dynamic may get worse once there are kids, etc. – red flags here.
That said if you are going through with the wedding you have to invite SIL. You don’t not invite immediate family that your SO still close with to a wedding unless there were serious extreme circumstances (she tried to stab you etc) – this does not qualify.
You will forever alienate his whole family, and it will lead to a resentment fiancé will harbor in his heart even if he agrees.” musicislife04
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ
Your feelings toward your fiance’s sister are valid and you’re entitled to not want her at your wedding.
But you can’t not invite the groom’s sister and certainly can’t refuse to do so. Maybe exclude his third cousin who’s a bit ‘off’ but not a sibling. This is a case where the name of this sub is unfortunate – see the FAQ on civility – because I don’t really think this makes you a jerk, but you’re definitely in the wrong here on appropriate social behavior.
That said, this isn’t about the Iranian yogurt; the problem is why you want to marry someone who doesn’t respect you and I’m not even sure if he likes you. You’re 27, your English is phenomenal for someone who isn’t a native English speaker, and your logic and structure in this post and some replies suggest you’re both intelligent and emotionally stable and have a job.
I’m sure there’s a very strong attraction but you can do better.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And put the brakes on preparing a guest list. You and your fiancé need to have a long, long conversation about what lies ahead for you.
This isn’t about inviting your future SIL, this is about your future, period. You should seriously consider pre-marital counseling where you can bring these issues up. Battling for control of your husband’s loyalties is not a way to exist in a marriage.
And, in truth, he’s told you where his loyalties lie.
Inviting or not inviting your future SIL will not get you anywhere. Your further explanation of what you want to be judged is completely irrelevant to what the problem really is.
You can either learn to live with it or take this as the best red flag ever and end your relationship with your fiancé.” Legitimate-Dog-8618
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
The sister sounds terrible – but you (and your husband) have been allowing yourself to get walked on for years, and now your solution is this very passive-aggressive slight that is sure to cause a rift with your brother and other relatives.
You need to stand up to the sister yourself, far in advance of your wedding – and tell her you won’t tolerate her treatment anymore. Then invite her and let it be her decision with the peace of mind of knowing that you’ve dealt with the problem already.” jmgolden33
10. AITJ For Not Attending My Stepbrother's Bachelor Party?
“My (29M) stepbrother, Eric, (25M) is getting married this fall.
I care about Eric a lot. I love him as my little brother and one of my closest friends. While we have been stepbrothers for about 17 years, we really have gotten closer over the last 5. About 5 years ago Eric let me know that my actions were making him feel like less of a brother and that he didn’t matter as much as my bio sisters.
That was hard to hear, but I’ve worked to fix that so that he knows he matters to me.
When Eric first asked if I would go on his bachelor’s trip I immediately said yes, because, of course, I want to be there with my brother.
However, Eric is really an outdoorsy person, and I now understand that for a bachelor party, he wants to go camping with a group of friends. He wants to do some outdoor stuff like hiking, maybe white rafting or canoeing or something like that, sleeping in tents, etc.
The problem is I am very much overweight (but making steady progress to be less so, for the first sustained length of time!). harsh truth, I just started being able to put one foot in front of the other by taking stairs, instead of having to go one stair at a time, if that makes sense.
I’m not someone who should be hiking yet, not quite built for navigating rocks and boulders and the like. Even though I am losing weight, I do find this somewhere embarrassing not to be able to do these things – and like the thought of risking a kayak rental not having a life vest my size is not fun.
or rolling an ankle on a hike and then someone having to help me return to camp.
I told my brother I can’t go for these reasons, he’s upset since I originally told him I would be down for whatever (I just didn’t imagine forever meant this!).
He really, really wants me there. me being present with him is important to him. My brother has said I’m not valuing our relationship and I good big brother would be willing to do this to spend such an important week together.
AITJ for backing out of going on this bachelor’s trip?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
The trip hasn’t happened. I don’t see why you couldn’t show up for a night or two and hang around the campsite. Set realistic expectations for yourself.
Pulling up to a site in a car and sleeping in a tent should be alright to do. All other events just hang back at camp.
If that’s not possible, it is understandable to exclude yourself for the reasons above.
Mind you lots of overweight people do go camping just fine. Your comfort does matter though. Eric just wants you there and is hurt. So give him some time.” Voidg
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – SO SO SO not the jerk.
Your brother should get to do whatever activities he wants for his bachelor party trip. But he needs to understand that if those activities are not inclusive, not everyone will be able to participate. If your presence is so important to him, then he should have chosen activities that are accessible to you.
Also, I call nonsense on him saying a ‘good big brother’ would be willing to do this. You are both adults and not all that far apart in age. He is just as accountable for being a ‘good brother’ as you are.
He is being selfish and manipulative.
Not to mention – expecting people to go on a WEEK LONG bachelor trip is beyond entitled. Not everyone wants to use that much of their vacation time/be away from their own lives that long to celebrate someone else.
And asking people who have never been camping/are not experienced campers to go camping for a WEEK is a huge ask.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Eric is so caught up in the idea of having you, one of the most important people in his life, at his bachelor party that he’s forgetting that you can’t do certain things (as opposed to just not wanting to).
The reality of the situation is that you can’t go unless you’re willing to risk jeopardizing your health, and Eric shouldn’t ask you to do that. I wouldn’t just let this go, though. Give Eric a tiny bit of time for a cooler head, and then ask him if there’s any way you can switch a day or two to activities you’re capable of doing.
Maybe y’all can do a pleasure cruise on a rented boat instead of kayaking, or maybe he’s willing to spend a day drinking and celebrating at a campsite rather than hiking. When my sister got married, I genuinely couldn’t afford to attend her bachelorette, so I threw her a ‘minilorette’ doing a few activities I knew she’d love that I could actually afford.
Maybe this is an option for you! Y’all really care about each other and it shows – wishing you the best of luck!
As a side note, I think it’s incredibly amazing that you can talk about your progress AND your limitations in the same breath.
That’s a level of self-awareness and maturity we so rarely see here. I’m proud of you, OP!” beingsydneycarton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell him you are an idiot for not knowing that when he said bachelor party, he wasn’t talking about a trip to Vegas, he was talking about a camping trip, not a bachelor party.
Truth is: A camping trip is not a bachelor party. It’s a camping trip to celebrate his upcoming nuptials. A bachelor party is a one-night event, usually at a venue like a bar, that involves drinking, eating, possibly singing, or a performance of some kind.
A camping trip as your bachelor party is NOT typical, clearly not expected, and something you personally can’t do. People can be so selfish about weddings. He is the jerk. Not you. He should’ve accepted your change of heart with grace.” kitkatcoco
9. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Partner's Family For Not Moving On From His Ex?
“So my partner broke up with his partner of 3 years-ish before we started seeing each other around 7 months ago. His family did not take this break up well and actually refused to see me the first time he wanted to bring me home because they weren’t ‘ready yet’ and hadn’t cleared her stuff from the house.
I’m even not invited to family gatherings because ‘they don’t know me’ but she would have been invited.
They won’t take down pictures couple of pictures of them being together, go to see her very often, and comment on all her social media.
If someone went to their house it looks like they are still together and I don’t even exist. Whereas they are nice to me but I can tell they are just putting up with me for my partner. I feel like they are just waiting for us to break up.
I really don’t know how to deal with this because I’ve told my partner and he has said if I feel that awful he won’t talk to any of them again if I’m so upset by it which I don’t want.
He also said that his family was her family and I just have to deal with it, but my family doesn’t talk to any of my exes after we broke up or keep pictures up. I can’t help but feel disrespected and I dread going to see them.”
Another User Comments:
“Don’t visit them. There is no reason why you should put yourself through it. At some point, they will have to recognize that your partner has moved on. It may well be that they will discover they have to work REALLY hard to establish a congenial relationship with you, after these silly shenanigans, but that is not your fault.
I don’t think your partner should put the responsibility for his not talking to his family onto you. He doesn’t seem to be able to decide what he wants to do here. So just step away from the family gatherings.
If your partner allows his family’s behavior to alienate you all together so that you break up with him… well, I guess you will have learned something useful.
Short version: if your partner is not firmly on your side, you don’t hold any of the cards.
The only option is not to play.
NTJ” YourLittleRuth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but the best course here is to try not to let it bug you so much. I know that’s easier said than done. But my advice would be to just ignore it.
You are at their house and there’s a picture of your partner and his ex on the table? Ignore it. A conversation crops up about how charming the ex is. Nod politely and let it pass. Don’t like that they follow her social media?
Why are you seeing that – if you don’t want to see their comments, don’t follow her and/or turn off notifications about their comments on social media.
It wasn’t just your partner that had a relationship with this woman, his family did too.
They like her. They probably aren’t liking her ‘at you’. Maybe they are, but try giving them the benefit of the doubt. They’ve lost someone they were already thinking of as family. Being unpleasant about his ex will only make you look bad to them.
With time, if you and your partner stay together those photos will come down and the interactions on social media will peter out.
It’s totally fine to be bothered by this. But try not to let it show, and try not to obsess.” Salt_Tooth2894
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you have to know that this isn’t going to change. If they invite the ex to family gatherings and not you they don’t care to build any relationship with you and will prioritize the ex every time.
If you seriously want to be in a relationship with your partner for the long haul you need to understand that his family is likely going to continue to exclude you always. Consider what you will feel when they prioritize the ex on if you get married, birthdays, holidays, or how their treatment of you will affect any potential children you have and your own self-esteem over time.
Are you really cool with all that? If you are great and good luck with that drama, but if not you are young and have plenty of time to find someone else who is great and has a welcoming family.” Gaiseric9
8. AITJ For Rejecting My Mother-In-Law And Husband's Name Suggestion?
“I (29 f) and my husband (32 m) are recently expecting a baby girl and this has been a constant battle.
Growing up my husband and his family weren’t well financially and they were poor.
Well as my parents were rich and I had a really good life growing up. My mil would always harass me about this and would also make jokes about my religion.
(I am Muslim)
Well, I found out I was pregnant and as soon as we found out it was a girl I immediately knew what I wanted to name her. The name is a video game character from my favorite franchise final fantasy.
The character’s name is Aerith.
Years back I had severe mental health issues and this game helped me cope anytime I was down I would play it and all my problems would go away Aerith was always my favorite character.
Mil wants to name her after her mother whose name was Shirley. Mil wants the name to be Cheryl. I immediately shut the name down and my mil was upset.
Well, recently my and husband went to MIL and FIL’s house.
And everyone was talking about my pregnancy. When we were discussing names mil said we would be naming it Cheryl.
I said that we weren’t and mentioned the name I liked mil said that name sounds like something you would call a dog.
I responded by saying that the name she chose was hideous at best.
My mil accused me of disrespecting her mother’s memory and called me a jerk husband agrees.
So am I?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your MIL should only be getting input into the baby’s name if both you and your partner agreed on it.
She surely shouldn’t be trying to tell you what you will name the baby.
You went deeply, unnecessarily rude when it came to telling her that you didn’t like the name.
It sounds like both you and your husband are trying to make unilateral decisions about what to call your child, instead of working together and compromising.
I strongly recommend against giving your child a video game name, by the way – she’s going to struggle with people misspelling and mispronouncing her name all her life, and studies suggest that odd names like that are harmful to things like getting a job and advancing in a career.
Why not make it her middle name? Then she’s not saddled with the disadvantages of an unusual name as her first name, but she’ll still carry it since it’s important to you.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You don’t get to pick your child‘s name unilaterally. Your MIL certainly doesn’t get to pick. She can ask. She can say that it would mean a lot to her if you (plural) named your (plural) daughter after her mother.
Then she can live with whatever you (plural) choose. Your husband can, in private, advocate for naming your (plural) daughter after his grandmother, but should be telling his mother that she doesn’t get to dictate this decision and the child’s parents will be choosing the child’s name.
And then the two of you can choose a name for your (plural) daughter TOGETHER.
Aerith? No one is EVER going to spell or pronounce that correctly. How about something somewhere in between your MIL‘s suggestion of a normal name that sounds hopelessly 1956 and your suggestion of a name that may very likely lead to your poor daughter having to have endless conversations in which she rolls her eyes and says with tolerant exasperation, ‘Yes, my mother named me after some video game character from like 2015.’
I have no idea what your and your husband’s relative economic backgrounds have to do with any of this.” Miriamathome
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your MIL pushing a name is definitely jerk behavior, but so is yours.
Not so much because of what you said to your MIL, but because of the reasoning behind the name.
While I can appreciate a game helping you through a dark time (several games come to mind for me), I think it’s important to think about your child and the name they will have to carry.
You may name your child something meaningful to you, but your child may have to carry that name forever. Though at the end of the day, your choice.
P.S. Just a thought but since I believe Aerith was originally named partially because it’s close to an anagram of ‘Earth’, so maybe another name that means Earth would be a way to carry the meaning with you but not inherently impose a connection that your child may struggle with.” ExternalRip6651
7. AITJ For Asking My Brother To Actively Plan To Move?
“My adult brother (33) has been living with me and my children for the last 6 years. I don’t charge him much to live here, just enough to cover some utilities and such.
For the last couple of years, he has traveled for work, so at times he is gone for weeks at a time, and at times he is home for weeks at a time.
He has what I would classify as undiagnosed mental health issues. Without going into a long detailed list, he lashes out at family and says incredibly rude/mean things when he is in his ‘episodes’. We all know he has issues and don’t take it to heart because of that but it really affects our family from time to time.
There have been times when I have left my house for the night with the kids because of him and me getting into fights over him being rude/disrespectful. The last time we got into an argument, I told him it would be the last time, no more warnings and he would be asked to leave, this was in October.
This weekend he came home from being out of town for a month and picked a fight with me through text message while we both were in the house.
I approached him in his room immediately and he continued to say some disrespectful things again and then tried to shut a door on me that I was standing in the doorway.
I lost my cool and told him when he comes home from the next trip he needs to pack and leave. I ended up taking the kids that night to my partner’s house so I wouldn’t have to be there and see him anymore.
He was leaving the next morning for work.
AITJ for asking him to actively plan/move when he gets back? My mother is incredibly furious at me saying that I am not being reasonable and that he needs 3-6 months to find a place to live.
I don’t think I am being unreasonable given that he has had warnings but now somehow I am the bad guy. I’ve excused his behavior for years but I’ve had enough.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s not his fault that he has mental health issues, but it is his fault that he’s not acknowledging that they directly affect his family (your kids included) and that he doesn’t seek therapy.
As soon as his issues put you and your kids’ well-being in jeopardy, then it’s fully within your right to intervene.
Ultimately, if he keeps going down this path, everyone in your family will resent him, and your kids will remember him as their ‘crazy unhinged uncle’.
My stepfather is like this. He’s a heavy drinker and has many mental issues that he never took care of. Treated his family (including me) like crap. Nearly everyone in my family on my mom’s side hates him at worst and barely tolerates him at best. This is what unchecked mental issues do to people.” Dark_Wolf04
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Mental issues are not meant to be used to mooch off family and he’s been doing it long enough. Mental issues may explain certain behaviors, but they certainly do not excuse continued blatant disrespect and rudeness.
He has gotten way too used to not having to fully take himself in charge.
For your and your family’s sanity, he needs to move out. He seems to already have a job, that’s a good thing. Now he needs to haul himself into proper therapy for diagnosis, medication, and all the rest.
If your mom is that upset you are kicking him out, then why doesn’t she take him in while he is looking for an apartment? Do not give him any kind of extended deadline, he will most likely take advantage of it.
A week or two would be quite sufficient.” SkyBlueTomato
Another User Comments:
“NTJ like at all.
His mental issues are his alone and they do not give him the right to be a jerk.
It’s been long enough. Time to grow a spine and do what’s best for you and your kids.
It may also be a good idea to go in low contact with your mom for a while after this. All she is going to do is try to make you feel guilty for kicking her precious son out.
Make sure you check with your lawyer about properly evicting him.
At this point, you may have to go through the full legal process.
Good luck and update us when you get him out.” pookie1804
6. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister-In-Law To Sleep Train My Son?
“My son is five and autistic. Sleep has always been a huge issue for us. It’s partially what led to my divorce – that’s how severe.
He still uses a pacifier to soothe me at night and sleeps in my bed. I have, in the past, tried every sleep training method possible. I’ve had him on every med. I’ve weaned him off his pacifier and put him in his own bed. Paid five separate sleep consultants.
Absolutely nothing works.
In a fit of exhaustion, I went full extinction – took the paci and left him in his room. He didn’t sleep at all that night, I kept him awake during the day, and he then didn’t sleep at all the second night.
He was exhausted and it took me months to rebuild his trust in me after the fact.
At this point, I do whatever works. And that’s his binky and mama cuddles.
My SIL hates this. She is very forward with her parenting methods and makes it known every time I see her.
My brother is a piece of wet lettuce and agrees with whatever his wife said. She could tell him they were going to abandon their children and move to Mexico and he’d be 110% on board. My mom also thinks the sun shines out of her butt.
So I have no support in this situation.
Every time we see her she comments on the pacifier or the bed sharing and is all, ‘He needs off that,’ or ‘You should just put him in his own bed, he’ll tire eventually’ etc. She sends me a hundred and one different sleep training techniques.
Regardless of how many times I’ve told her I already tried them she refuses to believe me – thinks I just did them wrong and need to try again.
I bumped into her in Walmart late the other night and he had his pacifier and blanket.
She made another comment about transitioning him out of his sleep support.
I kinda lost my mind on her a little, and I’m not proud of it, but I basically told her she could shove her opinions up her butt, and if she was that concerned she could sleep train him and deal with the screaming all night.
She got kind of mad and told me as a mother it’s my job to ‘set him up for life’. I understand that one day he will need to sleep unassisted, but I don’t know how to make that happen.
She has since called me a neglectful mother on social media & had my mom and brother ask me to apologize and made comments about me ‘stepping up’ and putting my foot down with him.
I do feel a little bad for trying to pin it on her rather than me, but I also think she should keep her nose out of my business, even if she is just trying to look out for him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and she is not trying to look out for him. Your son is autistic, and as a result, is different from her children. What works for her kids doesn’t work for your son. She is 100% in the wrong by trying to impose her thoughts onto you, especially when she’s completely in the wrong.
Something tells me that if your son was lactose intolerant, she’d tell you to just slowly introduce dairy so his body can acclimate.
Next time she says something, just say something along the lines of ‘Thank you for sharing your concern.
I’ll be sure to run your opinion by the next autism expert I see’ and then leave the conversation. If you do this frequently enough, she’ll hopefully stop with her unsolicited advice.” DisneyBuckeye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s time for a family meeting (if you have some support that is actually supportive invite them as a backup too) ‘You have tried all the sleep training methods and they have not worked for your son who has individual needs due to his autism.
He is not neurotypical. He does not respond as neurotypical children do, and he never will. You have consulted with your pediatrician (and whoever else is relevant), and they are aware of and in agreement with your current system. You have explained all this to them hundreds of times for years, but they refuse to understand.
The topic of your son’s sleep habits is off the table. They do not get to have an opinion on this. You will hear no more about it from them. Full stop. If they bring it up at a get-together, you will leave immediately (conversation or location depending on factors.
Escalate as necessary) or tell them they need to leave your house. On the phone, you will hang up. By text, you will block them, etc. This is the end of the discussion.’
Then follow through.
Hopefully, you have a friend(s) who can be there with you for support if they start arguing.
If you need to start expanding your support system, then do that too.” AdGroundbreaking4397
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She inserted her uninformed opinions into a situation she has zero understanding of. I could almost understand if this were a 5-year-old neurotypical child because 5 is a little old for a pacifier but even then, I laid down with my (neurotypical) daughter to help her sleep UNTIL SHE WAS 8 YEARS OLD, partially because she had trouble sleeping after my divorce and partially because I really enjoyed that intimate, one on one time with my baby.
And we still read together and chat before she goes to bed, I just don’t stay until she falls asleep anymore. We’re very close as a result.
Telling her she’s welcome to try if she knows better than you are not pinning your responsibilities on someone else, it’s you giving her the opportunity to prove she knows what she’s doing since you obviously don’t.
eye roll
Keep doing the best you can for your boy, that’s your job and it sounds like you’re doing it fantastically.” Sufficient-Ant6619
5. AITJ For Not Apologizing To My Partner For Not Recognizing Her?
“I (M22) recently suffered a TBI (traumatic brain injury) and I have developed prosopagnosia (face blindness).
I am able to vaguely recognize my immediate family, but it’s near impossible for me to recognize anyone else unless I remember other distinctive cues about their appearance (such as unique hair color or accessory.)
This has been really hard on me, and I’ve been hospitalized for the past two weeks (for other medical reasons related to my TBI).
I texted my partner (F21) to explain my condition to her and linked her to
some articles on it. She insisted on visiting me since she hadn’t seen me since I was hospitalized.
When she came into my room, I wasn’t sure whether she was my cousin (my cousin had planned on visiting too), a nurse, or my partner.
She didn’t say anything to introduce herself, so I asked her ‘Can you tell me who you are?’
When she replied, I could hear that she was extremely mad and I recognized her voice as my partner’s. She said ‘Are you for real?
You don’t recognize me?’ I told her that I physically cannot recognize her, and she started crying about how that meant she wasn’t important enough to recognize and a whole lot of other stuff.
I was honestly hurt that she was upset with me over a medical condition that I recently acquired and am struggling with.
This has changed the entire course of my life and caused me so much emotional pain already, not to mention the other trauma I sustained from my accident.
If she had read the explanation I texted her or the articles I sent she would understand that my ability to recognize her has nothing to do with my care for her.
She got upset at me for not apologizing to her, but I refused and told her to leave me alone and go home.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are far from a jerk.
I’m very sorry that you have had to go through all of this.
I’m also very sorry that your partner is making your medical condition about her. You have nothing to apologize for.
You gave her information about your condition before she came to visit you and experience for herself what your reality now looks like.
Not only does it appear that she neglected to even read it but she is victim-blaming you for her own insecurities.
Hopefully, she can recognize that your medical condition is not about her and she will step up for you.
Alternatively, she can see herself out if she can’t adjust to the new normal.
NTJ” Beautific_Fun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you had a spinal injury is it also cool for her to be like omg you can’t get out of your wheelchair and walk for me, I must not be important enough for you.
Yes, it’s undoubtedly hard on her but at the end of the day you are the one injured, she should do her best to be understanding and caring to you. And yes, later absolutely find one of her friends and family for support and cry to them that you couldn’t recognize her.
She shouldn’t be dumping that on you.” Friendlyrat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your condition is a true test of your relationship, and it sounds like your partner did not prepare herself for this meeting despite your efforts to get her up to speed with your new reality.
Is she a quick study, or would reading articles pose problems for her?
Try to remember why you were drawn to each other and practice patience while you are transitioning to your life as you now know it. This may take adjustment time.
If you are both quick to anger or are challenged when coping with frustration, you may have to take things slowly.
I sympathize with you as I have difficulty with facial recognition, often waiting for someone to speak before making that connection—even with people I know.
(This is not to say I fully understand your experience as it is probably a mere fraction of the struggle you face daily.)
Best wishes for good health and discovering ways to work around the impact of your TBI.” GladysKravitz21
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Off My Shoes In My Future Apartment?
“I am a college student currently living in the dorms on campus and I am looking for an apartment with my roommate and her partner. We have started talking about what rules we want to implement in our apartment she brought up making it a no-shoe house, which I am fine with except she insists that we always take them off once we enter.
I grew up wearing my shoes everywhere so I have a habit of forgetting that I am wearing them which I explained to her but she doesn’t seem to understand that it will take me a little while to adapt to taking them off at the door.
So she is now suggesting we make our dorm a no-shoes space. However when she suggested that I immediately felt like it would be like I was a dog being potty trained because she would constantly be reminding me to take my shoes off when I wouldn’t feel the need to take them off.
Would I be the jerk if I said no to that and said it felt like potty training a dog?
PS: She is diagnosed with OCD and anxiety and is a bit of a germophobe.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She proposed a reasonable rule, you said it would take you time to get used to, so she suggested you make it a rule now and start practicing now.
That’s reasonable and not at all pushy. Unless she’s planning to buy a clicker and treats, she’s not training you like a dog. If I were her I’d have hesitations about moving in with you based on this; you’re basically saying you’re unwilling to even slightly inconvenience yourself to make her comfortable at home.” Outrageously_Penguin
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Ew shoes in the house? You realize that everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, that you stepped in will be dragged into the apartment right? That’s just disgusting to think about the poo, urine, vomit, and all other expectorants that are now on your shoes and you’re just casually tracking that everywhere.
That’s a good way to drag something that’ll make not only you but everyone else sick. Take your shoes off when you enter otherwise find another roommate that shares the same gross habit as you do.
A good way to know just how gross your shoes really are get them swabbed and send them to a lab and they’ll tell you exactly what they’ve found hanging around on your shoes.” Boredandsleeps
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You said yourself that it would take you time to get accustomed to it. She presented a solution. You need to get in the habit of taking your shoes off before you get to the apartment, and since you live together already, you have that time to practice.
She presented you with a wonderful solution and you’re spitting in her face.
Most cultures have this habit ingrained in them from birth. The shoes are dirty. You step on all kinds of nasty things throughout the day. It makes 100% sense to take them off so as to not track that filth in the house.
She’s in the right about that.
You’re in the wrong by thinking her offering a reasonable solution is an attack on you. She’s giving you the opportunity to get into the habit before you go to the new apartment. That’s the best possible solution.” oh_stormfather
3. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For Dinner At A Dinner Party?
“A friend invited me to a dinner party at her house a few weeks ago, the actual dinner party was last night. I asked if I should bring anything, but she said no, it’s not a potluck, she’ll be making dinner for everyone.
There were 7 of us total and the food was good. During the meal, we were all laughing and called our friend (dinner host) a chef cause she made a big dinner for all of us and we all said how much we appreciated it because it’s hard to get everyone together at the same time.
At the end of dinner, we all help clean, wash the dishes, then have some wine. It started getting late so people started to head out, and on our way out the dinner host said don’t forget to Venmo/cash app/zelle her.
Some of us were confused because we had no idea what we had to send her. So I ask her ‘What am I sending you funds for’ and she said it was for cooking dinner.
Me: I don’t understand why we should pay.
Her: because I spent my funds and hosted the dinner and cooked.
Me: None of us asked you to, you volunteered to do it and you never mentioned paying until now.
Her: I didn’t do this for free
Me: you should’ve told us before you hosted that you expected this.
I don’t think it’s fair to just bring this up and expect people to pay.
She called me a jerk and said again that she didn’t spend hours cooking, or grocery shopping for free. I have never heard of this.
Like ever. We kept arguing and after a while I just Venmo’d her the $40 she asked for.
I don’t think I’m a jerk at all and some of my friends agree with me. Some have said it’s normal to pay for dinner during a dinner party at someone’s house, so now I’m not sure.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What your friend did was extremely scummy. She invites all these people to dinner that she is making (no mention of paying before and after this) and then when everyone is done eating and finishing cleaning, out of the blue she expects everyone to give her funds.
If I was expected to pay for a dinner without knowing until after I ate, I would’ve skipped the dinner entirely. Cut contact with this friend. She shouldn’t be hosting dinner parties if she will pull stunts like this.
‘Some have said it’s normal to pay for dinner during a dinner party at someone’s house’
No, no this is not normal. It’s normal at RESTAURANTS but at one’s house? This ain’t normal and it sure isn’t normal to wait until after the food was eaten and everyone helped clean up.” DJ_Too_Supreme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
In my experience, dinner parties involve the host paying for the ingredients, and usually, guests will bring a nice bottle of wine, maybe a dessert, etc.
If she’s decided to spring payment on you at dinner and it wasn’t discussed beforehand then that’s HER issue, not yours.
I think you need to lose this ‘friend’ as she’s not a very good one.
Also $40 per person?! That’s a nice little profit maker for her because there’s NO way it cost her that much per person to prepare a dinner for each of you.” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and WOW that’s some horrible manners from the host! If you invite people over for dinner, the guests do NOT pay for it – that’s what restaurants are for! If she expected her ‘guests’ (or customers) to pay for the honor of eating her food, she needed to say so upfront and name the amount at that time so everyone could decide whether they wanted to go or not.
All of that should be made very clear at the time the invitation is sent, not later, and certainly not at the end of the evening as people were leaving. This is so very clearly someone trying to make funds off her friends and it’s really crappy.
If she ever goes you any kind of get-together at your place in the future, make sure to hit her with an unexpected bill for $40 on her way out the door and see how she likes it.” iopele
2. AITJ For Making My Mom Choose Between Coming To My Wedding Or The Birth Of My Sister's First Child?
“My (26M) sister (27F) is the second child and I am the third in our family. We have one older sister who I will call Natalie (29F) who got married in 2019 and then had her first baby in 2021. My family is super traditional and so Natalie wanted to be the first to get married and have a baby.
She waited two years before finally getting pregnant because of the global crisis and her moving away with her husband. Because of this, my second oldest sister, who I will call Kimberly, waited to get married and get pregnant until after Natalie announced her pregnancy.
She had been trying for a child for a few months before I announced the date of my and my fiancé’s wedding which would be held in September of 2023. I announced this in the fall of 2022 and I asked her to stop trying for a baby so that she would be able to come to the wedding as it will be a destination wedding and you can’t fly when you’re pregnant.
She told me she would take it into consideration but because she had been trying for close to 7 months and she and our oldest sister wanted to have their kids be close in age surprise surprise, she got pregnant soon after.
The real kicker? Her due date is the EXACT SAME DAY as my wedding.
I’m furious and so is my fiancé. When we found out it would be the same date, I insisted my mom come to my wedding and not the birth because I announced the wedding date BEFORE Kimberly got pregnant.
I have been the primary planner of my wedding and I’m so excited to get married to my fiancé of 5 years. My whole family knows how much effort I have been putting into the planning since I proposed. Because of this, my mom informed Kimberly she will be coming to my wedding and not the birth.
My entire family is split down the middle as to whether my mom should be in attendance at my wedding or the birth of Kimberly’s first child.
For context, my dad is a bit of a jerkhead and useless in a crisis so mom is definitely the favored parent and the wedding is happening across the country from where Kimberly plans to give birth.
This has torn my family apart. So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You can’t expect someone to stop trying for a baby just because you are getting married. I am surprised you would even ask her such a thing.
Also, I understand that you want both your parents at your wedding, but a new mother needs a lot of support. She will need her mother when the baby is here. And I guess that’s the difference between you and your sister here: you WANT your mother, and she NEEDS her mother.
Having said that I don’t know a single baby who was born on their due date, he/she might come early or late, and your mother might be able to be there for both of you.” LittleEileen
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your whole family’s mentality around putting each other’s major life events on hold to fit the timeline of another person is absurd. Your mom sucks for raising you all to think this way.
It’s absurd that your middle sister waited two years for your older sister, it’s absurd that you expect your sister to hold off trying to get pregnant for your wedding.
It’s absurd for you to demand that your mom attend one event over the other. The whole thing is absurd.” photosbeersandteach
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for being a groomzilla.
After 7 months of trying to conceive, asking them to wait to keep trying is selfish.
You have no idea what it is like emotionally to fail to fall pregnant for that long. Yes, it sucks that Bub is due on your wedding day but stuff happens.
You chose to have a destination wedding. Personally, I think destination wedding = people not coming to said wedding.
If it was local your mum could have done both.
As for your mum, no one should be pressuring her, she should be left to decide for herself. It’s a tough choice after all (though personally, I would argue watching a life come into this world is more interesting than a wedding).” Auroraburst
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Man, I think your mom should choose your wedding over the birth. You’re her only son it seems and the mother-son dance is important to many, I know it is to me for my wedding in a couple of months.
Also, it’s not her first grandchild.
That being said, you can’t go telling your sister that she has to stop trying to get pregnant because it would mess with your wedding. Also, destination weddings suck. I’m literally traveling 9 hours to my own wedding because I moved recently and it’s taking place where we grew up and all our family/wedding party still lives.
Your sister getting mad at you here is pretty ridiculous, you want your mom at your wedding, that’s not a cardinal sin. It doesn’t seem like you forced your mom to make that decision, I read it as if she made that choice herself.
You say insisted, I mean is there more info than that? Was she planning to go to the birth and you had to twist her arm? Was she unsure and you just made your case first?
Also, she could end up having this kid 2 weeks before your wedding and, in regards to your mom, this won’t even matter.
Due dates aren’t always that accurate.” MonkeyDDeclan
Also, your sister's due date may be on the date of your wedding, but her having the baby on that date (especially since it's a first baby) is highly unlikely. If she doesn't have the baby on that date, you're going to have some serious problems for all your selfishness and importuning.
Also, this whole putting your life on hold so the oldest child can do things first is bizarre and absurd and I just want to repeat what photosbeersandteach said.
1. AITJ For Not Inviting Our Brother To Vacation?
“Our parents were always very active people and encouraged us to be very active as well. Myself and most of our siblings thrived in this lifestyle, but one of our brothers hated it.
I’ll call him Tom. Tom hated being outside, exercising, heat, wildlife, etc… Our parents always encouraged him to at least try something before deciding, but they let him skip things he insisted he didn’t want to do.
My brother, I’m closest in age with and I wanted to do a snorkeling trip together.
While planning, we decided to invite our youngest siblings as well, if our parents would pitch in a bit and were okay with us watching them. We didn’t invite Tom (22) though, because we knew he’d hate this trip and we figure he’d be busy with post-graduation plans and everything.
In addition to snorkeling, we will also be hiking, rock climbing, and free diving on this trip. All of these activities are things Tom expressly hates or even cannot safely do.
Tom heard about the trip from our parents and is hurt that we didn’t invite him.
We explained that the trip would involve a lot of getting up early (which he hates) a lot of physical activity (hates) and very little to no lounging and comfort (his main priories when vacationing). He said he could still come and do his own thing and ‘meet us for dinner’ (we aren’t planning on hitting any restaurants).
I said if he wants he can book his own room on the same dates, but we know he gets really upset when he is woken up early, so we won’t share with him because we don’t want to deal with that.
He feels like we’re bullying him and being jerks for no reason, but we aren’t trying to do that. We just want to have a good time. He says it’s ridiculous that our brother in middle school and sister with special needs are considered better company than him, which isn’t what we said at all, but that’s how he’s interpreting everything.
Were we jerks for not inviting him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is a classic saying not enough times people will stop inviting you. They don’t owe their brother anything and they are not jerks for not inviting said brother.
They are going on vacation to do activities that the brother doesn’t like, not to spite him but because they enjoy such activities. They are under no obligation to change their vacation to conform to the brother. In my opinion, they were more than graceful in their explanation to him.
I would not have been as tactful.” Vctwebster
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You want to have a good time by making sure your brother is the only family member left out of a family vacation. Ouch. I can see who is the black sheep in this family.
Your brother deserved to be invited. He could have said no if he was not interested, but you took that choice away. And just because you want to go snorkeling doesn’t mean he wouldn’t find something there that interests him.
People have different interests, hobbies, and personalities. Your entire family is a jerk for treating him badly.
The question here: has anyone in your family ever participated in activities your brother enjoys? Do you even know anything about his interests?
This whole family dynamic sounds very toxic.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you go on an intense backpacking or hiking-centered vacation, you really do just get up early, like as early as 3-4 AM depending on how far the location is or if you want to catch a sunrise, put in miles while eating protein bars and jerky, then take turns showering/eating, and crash early.
It’s not like you go for a casual stroll and come back with time and energy for a nice dinner out. There’s not usually evening bonding time or activities.
If Tom knows this is that type of trip because the family has dragged him on them before, then he also knows his proposal isn’t really feasible.
A lot of places with cabins and great intense hiking aren’t even close to restaurants or towns.” food_motivated
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The honest truth is your brother is the black sheep of the family and has been made to feel excluded long before this, and this is just yet another slight that makes him feel like an outsider.
Whether he would have turned it down or not, it would have been nice to be asked. And from what it sounds, your family has never gone on vacation including things he’s interested in or wants to do. You mention him being a whiner, now imagine every single vacation you have been filled with RWBY (something he’s interested in but you claim to hate) marathons, you would probably complain too.
It would have cost nothing to fit in a meal during this vacation so y’all could spend together, but you couldn’t even make that concession for a sibling you claim to love.” West-Round
