People Search For Reassurance Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
21. AITJ For Not Sharing The Profit With My Friend?
“My friend was moving house 5 years ago and had 6 old chairs and a dining table he couldn’t keep. I had a look at them, seemed OK – a bit old and used, so I offered £50 for the lot.
He said something like ‘I was actually going to throw them out.
LOL. You’ve saved me the hassle!’. I did think ‘Shouldn’t have said £50!’ – but I thought a deal’s a deal so paid £50. I organized the man with a van to collect and deliver then emailed him to say thanks for helping get everything into the van, happy with the purchase, and saved me paying for a first-hand dining set.
He replied saying no probs, glad they’ve got a new home. End of story.
Fast forward 5 years and I’m moving house myself. The new place is too small for a huge table & chairs so need to sell it. I find the info on the underside of the table.
Take lots of pics and email loads of places nearby asking for a price to purchase. Within an hour I get 3 replies. They all want to inspect the furniture and assess it. By the end of the week, I get 3 offers and the highest is £1500!
Apparently once restored they’ll be worth a lot more. Jackpot!
I posted saying the house move was going according to plan etc. then add in the great news that I scored £1500 jackpot selling my old table and chairs.
Later that night my mate messages me in a RAGE!
The first half is just mistreatment, but the second half reads ‘I’m demanding half the money from the sale of my table and chairs. I only gave them to you to look after. I didn’t sell them to you. I’m happy to agree to half since you’ve had them in storage in your house.
If you’ve been using them fair enough. But I’m not happy you’re selling them because I didn’t agree to that. My bank details are xxxxxxxxxx. Transfer me £750 by the end of the week and I’ll call it quits. If money isn’t received I’m going to small claims court and also the police to report that you’re selling my property’.
I reply ‘I literally bought these from you? Are you insane? I even have an email where I thanked you for helping to get the furniture into the van. I also say you saved me money buying a dining set firsthand!’
He replies ‘So this is how you thank me 5 years later? Making a huge profit from a mate? If I’d known how much it was worth do you seriously think I’d have sold to you for £50? You’re 2 faced. I’m going to go to small claims court’.
I reply ‘You just said you sold to me for £50! LOL. That’s my point. You literally SOLD to me. I didn’t know they were worth that much when I bought them. The fact is I bought it from you fair and square.
End of discussion’.
The last reply I have is ‘At the very least I want my fair share. Why is money so important to you? Are you that greedy? Give me £500 and that leaves you with £1000. If you don’t do that then I know exactly the type of person you are.
I’ll tell people as well mate. Do you honestly want people to know that you did this to a mate?? The ball’s in your court’.
I’m really losing my mind about this. Am I the one who’s wrong here? Should I share the profit to save face?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh God no. He SOLD you something for £50 that you literally sat on for 5 years, then flipped for £1500 makes him a fool and a jerk. Firstly, he sold it to you. You gave him money for an item.
You picked it up and drove off with it and he waved goodbye from the curb, clutching his £50 in his hands thinking he was the victor for getting 50 quid for something he was planning to chuck. Now he realizes he was a fool and he wants his cut?
Oh. God. No. If you were simply storing it for him, where’s your monthly rent money? Storage units cost money. CALL HIS BLUFF. Make him take you to small claims court. You’ve got documentation, he doesn’t. You’ll win.
ALSO, if he was really your friend, he’d raise a pint and toast your good fortune and laugh at his own short-sightedness. He’s the one who needs to be chucked to the curb. DON’T GIVE HIM A CENT.
And NTJ.
TOTALLY NTJ.” ComtesseRochambeau
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… This is the sort of situation where you would’ve been better off either (1) not saying anything or (2) after selling them for so much more than you bought, quietly messaging your mate to offer him some of it (if you were ok with that) but never saying how much they went for.
Having had him act like a jerk about it though, I wouldn’t give him a cent. Make sure you’ve got a paper trail of him saying that he sold it to you though, in case he’s psycho enough to actually take you to court.” Fridgemagnet_blue
Another User Comments:
“No one scammed him. You are just as surprised that people gave you an offer of £1500. NTJ and this friend is just sore that 5 years ago he was too lazy to use this new invention called Google to look up the value of the table and chairs.
Tell him you’ll see him in court and let him and anyone else trying to harass you about this that you have all the receipts from 5 years ago when he sold the set to you for £50 save him the trouble of throwing them away.” WinEquivalent4069
20. AITJ For Using My Ex-Sister-In-Law's Period Pads?
“I (F 19) found out that my brother (M 23) had gotten divorced from his wife for ‘personal reasons’, the whole family went and we comforted him, he told me to stay behind and talk to him some more.
I told him I would and we talked in his bedroom and laughed and all, he told me his wife’s stuff was still in his house and not to touch it.
I agreed, he asked me if I needed to use the restroom before I went cause he knows the drive home is about 40-50 minutes.
It was considerate of him to ask that, and I said yes, I went into his bathroom and realized that it was the start of my period, I didn’t bleed much and I was desperately looking for anything to use.
I opened the sink cabinet to find my brother’s ex-wife’s period pads. I know he told me not to touch it but the first day of my period is always a heavy flow and I couldn’t just use toilet paper.
I opened the period pack and used one, thinking he wouldn’t figure it out.
My brother had always been observant and about two days after that though he sent me a pic of the period pad pack open and started getting mad. I responded that I undoubtedly needed a period pad at that time.
He told me his ex-wife was coming to get everything and she ‘needed every period pad’ because she didn’t have much money.
I feel like that wasn’t my problem but maybe I could have handled it better.
SMALL NOTE: This period was an early one and it was unexpected at least, also a small thing to be mentioned now that I’m writing this, yes his ex-wife wasn’t mad, it was just him.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I understand needing a pad in an emergency, but you took it and didn’t tell your brother. You should have gone to him after and explained the emergency.
And when you said that the situation wasn’t your problem… child there would not have been a problem if you hadn’t touched the period pad pack.
Ex-SIL doesn’t have much money and menstrual products are getting more and more expensive. You broke a house rule, of your own free will.” The_Death_Flower
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, any person who wouldn’t share a pad for someone in need is the jerk.
Would he count the squares of toilet paper and get mad that you used some? It’s generally accepted that if you have a guest in your house they’re going to have to use some of your things. You were unexpectedly in need and he can’t seriously expect you to have driven home bleeding all over yourself and your car.
As someone who has periods you should probably plan to always have a pad in your bag, car, etc. just in case, but what’s done is done.” genderlessadventure
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you handled it very poorly. He had asked you not to touch anything and you had accepted that.
Obviously, periods are what they are, it was normal to take a pad, but you should have told him in the moment what you did. I doubt he’s really unhappy about the missing pad, it’s more about breaking your word in his back and not knowing what else you touched in her stuff, all of which are normal concerns.” cym13
19. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Compensate For Whiskey She And Her Friends Drank?
“I (m 22) am in college with my sister. We share an apartment and she pays me a lower amount of the rent. She can only afford an amount that’s way below market value and I pay the majority since she’s my sister.
Obviously, I’m of age and can buy liquor. I leave beer and seltzers in my fridge and if a few go missing I never ask her about it. I keep some liquor in a cabinet and tell her to avoid it.
Obviously, this doesn’t usually stop her but she usually only takes a little amount.
Last week I bought an expensive bottle of whiskey for a friend’s birthday. I put it in a small gift bag and left it in the liquor cabinet.
I stayed at my partner’s place for the weekend and when I got back the whiskey bottle was near empty. I asked my sister what happened and she told me her friends and partner got into it and she didn’t realize it was a gift. I told her that was nonsense and that it was clearly in a gift bag with a card that had someone’s name on it.
She said she’d pay for what they drank and I told her she’s paying for the whole bottle since I can’t gift a 3/4ths empty bottle. She refused and I told her that’s fine and that she can start paying extra for rent since she plans on using my stuff that I pay for without my permission.
My parents heard about this and are mad. They can’t really control what I do since I am financially independent.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Hold up, your parents are mad at you? Sometimes family doesn’t realize how good they have it, unfortunately.
Should she replace it, absolutely. Should your parents get involved? Absolutely not.
At the end of the day is it enough to lose a family member, probably not. There is nothing wrong in asking your sister to pay her own way in life, and if your parents think that’s unfair I’m certain they will support her.
NTJ” taigeis_bhlasta
Another User Comments:
“She knew it was wrong, and is covering for her friends and partner. Ask her if she would be able to pay less than full price for a bottle of soda at a restaurant if she only drank 3/4 of it.
She knows she owes you. Tell your parents to stay out of it. Your sister is getting a DEAL on rent, and then she pulls this? Time for her to grow up. Your options are reasonable and fair.
NTJ” kevwelch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have been doing your sister a major favor by housing her for cheap. Once somebody screws you over, while you are helping them out like that, it makes sense to no longer do them favors.
Yeah just ignore your parents, cuz they shouldn’t even be speaking in this situation at all.
Your sister is living in your house and she chose to steal from you. She needs to pay up, and at this point, because she refused to make it right, it’s in her rent going up until you kick her out.” JCBashBash
18. AITJ For Feeling Obligated With Taking Care Of Our Dog?
“I (16 f) am a full-time college and high school student. I’m set to graduate with my diploma and associate’s degree next year on top of working a trashy minimum-wage job.
I am always the first one home, usually at 8 pm after being awake at 6 am doing high school and college.
When I get home, I am obligated to feed them dinner, play with them, take them for walks, and am responsible for them essentially until my parents get home which is more often than not around 10 pm, and I usually have to cook and shop for myself since they always eat out.
I am not a dog person by any means. I think they’re obnoxious and unhygienic with puppies being the worst. Granted, I am much more of a rodent or cat person.
This brings me to our current pup, Lily. She is five months old and a spoiled brat.
She bites everything and everyone, won’t stop harassing our older dog, doesn’t listen, and refuses to leave the house to use the bathroom. When we saw her at the shelter she was calm and collected, but she has proven to be nothing but annoying since.
I feel as though the minimal free time I have is spent screaming no, and she still never stops. It’s like being in charge of a human toddler.
Last night I was extremely upset as my parents refused to let me go eat dinner with my friends, something I haven’t done in months because of my job.
They told me they couldn’t take time off just to look after the dogs. I was livid and asked why I had to then, and they blew up on me and called me ungrateful for all the good Lily has brought to our house.
I told them she’d only brought them well because I’d spent my evenings training her to do stuff instead of homework or maintaining a social life, and I told them I never even wanted her to begin with.
My entire family and extended relatives are calling me awful.
I just want to eat, sleep, and wake up at a normal time with no obligations. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your parents were irresponsible jerks for adopting a dog with those work hours. That dog is going to be in he’ll when you move out and somehow I don’t see you staying any longer than you have to.
Is the dog home alone for nearly 12 hours by the time you get home? If so no wonder it still isn’t housebroken. Every time it’s left alone and has no choice but to go inside it is reinforcing that that’s OK. THAT IS NEGLECT.” BeastOGevaudan
Another User Comments:
“The dog wasn’t your choice and given everything you have on your plate, shouldn’t be your responsibility. In fact, if I were your parent, I would be super proud of you! The adults in the room need to make some reasonable choices and make you a priority.
The dog(s) need to go to a home with the time and resources to care for them without sacrificing higher priorities… like your future. NTJ Dance_Sneaker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are training the dogs doing all the work. While mom.
And dad reaps the rewards later by getting them after they are calm and trained. Mom decided her girl was getting close to moving out. So her internal clock said we are gonna be empty nesters, She couldn’t handle that so she said let’s get a dog to make more noise so it wouldn’t feel so empty in the house.
But let’s have daughter deal with the chewing faze and train the puppy. Yeah, NTJ.” User
17. AITJ For Getting Annoyed By My Sister's Jokes During Thanksgiving?
“I (27 F) have a kind of unusual profession in that I run a wildlife sanctuary and rehab center for wolves, coyotes, and birds of prey, mostly animals that have been surrendered or taken away from private owners or just can’t go back to the wild for some reason.
I started working for the previous owner out of college and when he passed he willed the center, the house, and the surrounding land to me to take over since I was the most dedicated and successful at doing the work. Since I have a weird situation with my own family, he was also kind of Dad #2 to me, so I miss him a lot.
My family situation is weird because my parents split up when I was little, had other kids with other partners, and then remarried when I was 16, so I have four half-siblings, and they all resent me because my parents getting back together meant that theirs split up and my parents have always been way more attentive of them to make up for it, so I got the worst of both situations being the unwanted first marriage kid when they were divorced and then the ignored kid because of the half-siblings later.
I don’t really stay close or visit much, partially because I need to be onsite to care for the animals, but I keep in touch.
So, the drama: now that some of the siblings are getting married and having kids, my parents’ house is too small for big gatherings.
My house is the only one big enough to fit everyone, so my mom asked if we could do Thanksgiving at my place. I was reluctant, but I figured maybe it would clear the air some so I agreed, plus the kids would get a kick out of the menagerie.
Things were going fine until my sister (21 F) showed up and started making ‘jokes’ about how I’d taken ‘crazy cat lady’ to the extreme and got the other siblings to chime in. I tried to ignore it, but the jokes got meaner and when my mom said she liked the house my sister said ‘Maybe I should get an older sugar daddy, it worked out well for you.’ I snapped and told her to get out.
She didn’t believe me so I got up, took her plate, grabbed her bag from the living room, and told her to leave. It probably helped that my big rescue wolf-dog heard my tone and came over to sit next to me, but she finally got up and started angrily getting her things.
My parents protested, so I told them they could go, too. After an argument, a threat to call the cops if they weren’t gone within an hour, and my dog hackling up and growling when my brother put his hand on my shoulder, they finally left.
Now they’re mad because I ruined Thanksgiving for everyone, the kids were scared, I ‘sicced’ my ‘pet wolf’ on them like a psycho, and overreacted to a joke. I feel bad for the kids, maybe I should have just taken it on the chin and not invited them back instead of kicking them out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: if you viewed the man who willed his house and sanctuary to you as a father and someone who truly cared about you, then having him called a sugar daddy with all the implications with that. Then you have a right to kick them out, that is rude and just downright awful to say to you after being nice enough to host and have everyone, especially knowing the relationship between you and your siblings” savage1878
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So your parents thought it was OK that your sister came into your home, insulted you, and implied that you were given said home in exchange for ‘special’ favors rather than for your hard work and love for the animals in the sanctuary.
They only had something to say when you stood up for yourself. You’re not the one who ruined Thanksgiving.
Don’t let any of these people return to your home until they make sincere apologies. In the unlikely event that that happens, please make sure that your animals are secured away from any guests for the animals’ own safety.” steampunk_ferret
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister said a wildly inappropriate comment that was understandably infuriating. Asking her to leave was bolder than what I would be comfortable doing but I do believe you were well within your right. People should not come to your home and expect they can disrespect you like that, so I applaud you for standing up for yourself.
Unfortunately, it sounds like things just escalated from there. Did your parents ask your sister to apologize and correct her behavior when they were asking you to let her stay? Or did they just believe she should be allowed to be disrespectful like this?
Same for your brother/other family members. Something to consider as you ponder whether to have an ongoing relationship with them. You didn’t ruin Thanksgiving, your sister did (and so did the rest of your family, if they thought her behavior was acceptable).
Maybe it’s a little unfortunate the kids could have gotten scared by your dog, but honestly, I figure they won’t grow up to make the same mistake your sister did (and why are sugar daddies even being discussed in the presence of kids?).
Also, your dogs sound wonderful.
If you want to repair the relationship with your family going forward, and if you feel some level of trust talking to them, it might be helpful to explain to them why your sister’s comment was so wildly inappropriate – explaining that the owner of this house was a very dear friend and like a second father to you.
If, with that knowledge, they still think you overreacted, rest assured they are wrong, and do with that whatever you want.” happywatermelon59
16. AITJ For Clapping Back At My Significant Other's Sister With An Offensive Comment?
“So I (23 M) have been with my significant other (21 F) for a little over a year at this point. She’s honestly my most favorite person in the whole world.
She’s intelligent, funny, and beautiful and my life would be so much less without her. She has her flaws but so do I. The only one that bothers me is how much she lets her sister (24 F) walk all over her and insult her.
I’ve been coaching her on comebacks but she always freezes up in the moment. I have tried to step in and defend her but she tells me she wants to fight her own battles and I respect that, both as a boundary and that she wants to be stronger.
I tried standing up for her once but she told me to never do that again. I have bitten my tongue. Until Sunday.
My SO and I are moving in together soon and her parents hosted a dinner on Sunday to celebrate.
The evening was great and her sister was extremely well-behaved and surprisingly nice. Then she had her 3 glasses of wine. She started on a tirade about how this was a massive mistake and how we would get sick of each other after a week.
It’s hard to translate the exact connotation of what her sister said but essentially the emphasis and message was that I would get sick of her. That made me angry, but I just signaled to my SO to shoot back. I looked at my SO and she had just recoiled into her shell and wasn’t going to do anything.
A quick bit of backstory. My SO’s sister has had an awful relationship history. The longest relationship she’s had was two months. Most don’t last more than three weeks and some have been less than a week. Her taste in men is awful and the one good one that I know broke up with her due to her constant negativity and combativeness.
Anyways, I was really upset and couldn’t stop myself. I told her, ‘Thanks, but neither of us needs relationship advice from someone who can’t keep a partner for longer than it takes for milk to spoil. But if we need advice on how to make each other miserable we’ll contact you first.’ She turned bright red and looked like she was about to cry.
Her brother and dad were in earshot and both were holding back laughter, but her mom told me that was out of line and that I needed to apologize. I, still upset, said, ‘Once (sister’s name) does, I will.’ Then her sister went off to her room and her mom went off after.
We left shortly afterward.
On the ride home my SO said that she was grateful but also upset that I stepped in. However now we have my SO’s aunts and cousins saying I need to apologize, but I don’t want to. I would if her sister apologized but that’s not happening.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The sister is a bully and sometimes bullies need some of their own medicine. Was it harsh? Sure. But it’s not like she hasn’t dished out plenty herself. Like a lot of people who dish out and ‘are just honest’, she can’t handle anything in return.
Also, her insults were kinda aimed at both of you. So while I agree that ideally your partner should handle her sister, in this situation it wasn’t completely wrong of you to step in.” CrazyCatLadyForEva
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the sister is the family’s (or at least the mom’s) golden child and your SO as been trained probably since she was a child to not retaliate and not ‘rock the boat’, which is why she freezes.
It’s also why she asked you not to stand up for her – it’s part of her self-defense mechanism. The fact that she was conflicted this time instead of just upset is a good sign; she’s slowly learning from your example. Keep standing up for her when the sister crosses lines and involves you.” Prestigious-Oven8072
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Sister was out of line. But your SO had previously asked you to exactly not do that. Plus, honestly, I don’t know where you’re going with this. Your technique might work when you want the bully completely out of your life, but not if you want a chance to rebuild healthy from the toxic start or maintain other OK family dynamics.
That’s probably not what your SO wants, otherwise, she wouldn’t be upset when you take her defense or in this case, I would say ‘your relationship’ defense.
You targeted her on something she’s probably suffering about and humiliated her in front of her family (and they laughed, to make it worse).
That’s why some want you to apologize, it was a direct attack on her and probably coming from resentment adding up, due to both history and the feeling that your SO needed to be defended since she shut down.
You could have called out her rudeness in tons of different ways, more subtle or equally aggressive without directly targeting and shaming her on something she’s probably suffering about, bullying her yourself.
I would have tried the killing-with-love approach first. ‘I could never get sick of her, we’re a perfect match, I’m so glad to be here’, ‘I want her forever, better start now’ and act all surprised at her insinuations and if she insists, get back at her with something in the lines of ‘Where do you get this crappy vision of love from?
Did someone get sick of you after such a short time? Yeah, I heard that going out with people was quite difficult for you lately. But really, it’s not like this. Don’t worry, you’ll find someone great soon’. Then if at this point she still can’t catch the hint, yeah, your technique can come to the scene.
Or even better. Leave the conversation when it’s heading this way. ‘Ok, we get it, you think we will get sick of each other, we don’t, can we move on?’. Or just get your SO and start conversing with someone else.
Ignore her.
Just, your SO would probably have preferred avoiding the drama around this and it could have been achieved. Make her life easier. Changing dynamics takes a long amount of time, it’s difficult for her, you’ve only known her a year, and the relationship with her sister started way earlier.
Also, if it keeps escalating, offer an honest apology. ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have targeted you this way. You said things completely inappropriate about our relationship and I got angry. Really, you shouldn’t talk ill of your sister or our relationship like that in front of me.
I’ll try to control myself if it happens again, but hopefully, it won’t’.” Responsible_Brain852
15. AITJ For Getting Worked Up On Helping My Family?
“I (27 f) am a housewife. For some reason, that makes everyone around me think I am always available. I’m not. I’m a very busy person who has problems saying no. I’m a mom with a 10-year-old who does sports and scouts, a scout leader, an officer in our LARP (Live Action Role Playing) group, a babysitter, a PTA member, and everything that comes with being a housewife.
To top it off, for the past 3 months, I’ve been helping a close friend recover from an almost fatal car accident (I used to be a nurse, so I provide home help care to said friend) plus I’m 32 weeks pregnant with my second child.
A month ago, my doctor told me I had to cut back on most of what I’m doing due to my b***d pressure or I’d be put on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy. I’ve cut down my babysitting to one child, once a week, cut back on scouts, took a temporary leave from LARP and PTA, and rearranged things with my husband and kid so husband could do sports and husband and kid took on most of the housework to give me a break.
My friend won’t let me do much for them at the moment either because they are concerned. I thought things were going great and I felt so much more relaxed.
This is where the problems came in. Basically, as soon as my family realized I have more free time, they started in with ‘requests’.
Helping with doctor’s appointments, running to the store, asking for help with the kids and homes, trying to push holidays off on me… most things didn’t seem like a problem at first, but it started to quickly add up. At my last doctor’s appointment two weeks ago, my b***d pressure had come back up and I was put on bed rest. I started telling my family I couldn’t help, that I was putting myself and my baby at risk.
This spiraled into a huge fight with my family. I have the time and what each person was asking wasn’t a lot but no one listened it’s not just one person asking for things, it was everyone asking for small things every day.
No one will listen. I finally just stopped answering my phone. I can’t do it anymore, it’s too much. It ended with my mom showing up at my house to yell at me that family helps family and that I’m lazy for not wanting to help.
I feel absolutely awful. I’m always the go-to person and suddenly I can’t be. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Turn the tables on them. As soon as anyone calls, just start with Thank goodness you called, can you do… and run a list of 5-6 chores for them to do for you.
Added bonus if it involves doing your dishes, laundry, lawn, running to the grocery store as well as picking up your kid all in the space of one hour. Keep dropping the line ‘family helps family and you know how you can always count on your family to be there for you’.
Don’t allow them to get in a word. Scream and lash out at them if they refuse. Accuse them of wanting to hurt you and your child if they try to wriggle out.
Make full unashamed use of family helps family.” ProfileElectronic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Repeat after me: I don’t have the time. I DON’T HAVE THE TIME. I have created this time specifically for the health of me and my baby. This time is dedicated to protecting the health of me and my baby.
I DO NOT HAVE THE TIME.
Breathe in. Repeat. Breathe out. Repeat.
Stay calm. Block the numbers of your family members until after your baby is born.
Wishing you all the best for the rest of the pregnancy and birth.
(And after your baby is born, don’t go back to helping out and always saying yes.
If ‘family helps family’, where was their help for you as you followed the doctor’s orders?)” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, ask everyone why they want your baby and yourself to suffer. Ask them why they think that the doctor putting you on bed rest is an open invitation for them to put their everyday responsibilities on you.
Then ask them who is helping you with things and when since they are so insistent that family helps family and it’s your turn to need help. That should shut them up quickly. Ask your mom why she is endangering her newest grandchild and you.” Physical_Repeat5202
14. AITJ For Wanting To Say That My Friend Doesn't Fully Understand Our Religion's Culture?
“I (33 f) have a friend of a friend from graduate school (37 f) who converted to my religious group five years ago. I’ve known her for about two years, I have seen her a lot. To be clear, this religion has a lot of cultural practices that people who don’t necessarily believe in the God parts partake in, so many people probably identify personally as being atheist while honoring the cultural traditions fastidiously and being very aware of our history.
I’m in this category, as is nearly everyone in my family, and as are most people with whom we celebrate.
To be clear, I’m not hating on converts, my favorite clergy member when I go to ceremonies is a convert and wonderful.
But my convert friend – when it comes to religion, she’s an expert; she knows more than I do, she is very devoted, and she does genuinely seem to believe in it all. But she was raised evangelical Christian and for lack of a better description, she has a very evangelical attitude.
This kind of attitude runs contrary to our culture, which is a bit more subdued and less… enthusiastic? Loud? Overly-sunshiney? While I do believe her faith is genuine, she’s told me more than once that she chose to convert initially because she thinks guys in my culture are ‘hot,’ which makes me uncomfortable.
She ended up marrying a guy who belongs to my culture but isn’t religious and doesn’t engage in cultural celebrations either.
Lately, she’s declared herself to be a spokesperson for our culture. Every social media post is a ‘we’ referring to the entire cultural group; for example, she saw a book display centered around our culture and chose to post a letter of complaint she sent to the bookshop because too many of the books were focused on the persecution of our people and she wanted the bookstore to know that we are ‘a fun, funny, vibrant people and not just bad things that happened to us!’ She’s also started wearing attire associated with male members of our culture out in public as a ‘feminist statement’ and then balks when people tell her that she looks silly, not because she’s a woman in these garments, but because very few people wear them anymore even in religious ceremonies.
When the subject of bigotry at our group comes up, she lumps herself in with the ‘we,’ when she hasn’t had to deal with this.
After a recent ‘we’ episode, I told her it makes me uncomfortable because she doesn’t have the experience or family history to back up her judgment, and that she should feel very lucky to have not experienced persecution because she’s free of the generational baggage a lot of us are saddled with.
She cried and told everyone I called her a fraud, which I don’t think she is faith-wise, but the reality to me is that she cannot understand the cultural nuances because she wasn’t raised in it and lacks context. Did I go too far?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact that she does not have some of the experiences you’ve described and makes it her matter to become the spokesperson with the voice of her own experiences that are seemingly very different from yours and your collective experience is pretty self-centered. It’s perfectly valid that she joined your demographic and became the member, but she should not speak with the voice of the people that actually have a different experience, she should speak with her own, not your ethnicity’s.” InvestmentMental6775
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Okay, I’m Jewish and I get it. I think honestly this is part of her growing up evangelical. It’s literally the point to go out and announce all the opinions and try to convert people. I think she genuinely doesn’t understand that we do things differently, in large part because screaming it from the rooftops was so dangerous for so long.
So. The question is how important is it to you to maintain the friendship. If you don’t care if she’s mad, cool. No worries. Morally, and ethically, you’re in the right. If you do decide for yourself that you’d rather repair, I think it might help to reframe it as a part of an evangelical upbringing she’s probably not aware of.
It’s part of the privilege of growing up in the group with the most power. Checking our privilege is always hard but we can all learn and grow and do better if we choose to learn why. So you can attempt to guide her or not, depending on if you want to fix the relationship.
It’s not your job or your responsibility but sadly it’s a reality of being human. Sometimes we have to explain it.” obiwantogooutside
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jewish here and this is just… cringe. Having converts is great but… yeah, she is crossing a line and just isn’t understanding certain aspects.
(Maybe give her some time to mellow out?) She needs a serious reality check. She doesn’t have the same experience as a non-convert and that’s ok. She just needs to know that being Jewish isn’t all sunshine and rainbows.
The persecution is kind of a big part of our history (though I wish we did have more literature that wasn’t just suffering.)” SamScoopCooper
13. AITJ For Wanting My Hoodie Back?
“I (21 F) have this friend, Vera, that I no longer spend much time with, due to our differences.
Our friendship is all but over, and I rarely ever talk to her, and that too when we are hanging out with mutual friends. Vera was much too toxic for me in a lot of ways. Hanging out with her became an exhausting task for me because I’d end up going in a cheery mood and leaving with a sour sad one.
She used to be a bully back in school and hasn’t grown much since then, which results in a LOT of comments about my body, dressing style, preferences, etc. She often makes me feel like I’m not feminine enough with her comments about my body, height, and lifestyle.
She has treated me like I’m her male friend for years, and I couldn’t put up with it.
So here’s the petty conflict. I have this black and red hoodie that’s very meaningful to me. It was the hoodie I wore the day my significant other first told me he loved me.
It is a silly reason to be fond of the hoodie, but it is what it is and it means something to me. A few months before Vera and I stopped conversing, she was going through a tough time emotionally and I was there for her through it.
She was shivering and asked for my hoodie, so I gave it to her. I let her keep it for a few weeks and didn’t ask for it back because I didn’t want to bother her about something so petty when she was clearly upset.
However, I started asking for it back after some amount of time, and she jokingly told me a lot of times that she was not going to give it back because it was hers now. Made a lot of comments about how it makes her feel safe because it feels like a guy’s hoodie because it’s ‘huge’ (I’m not even overweight, but since she’s very short, she’s petite and thinks anyone who weighs more is ‘fat’ even though the person in concern is much taller and cannot be the same weight as her).
She also tried to make the whole thing cute as if this was a playful argument between a couple. It annoyed me, but I let it go, thinking she’d give it back eventually. However, we had a blowout some time ago (for unrelated reasons) and I stopped talking to her.
A month has passed since the fight, and I haven’t received my hoodie back. So, I contacted her to tell her to give it back. She started with the same crap again and told me it was hers now. I pressed and told her that it was important to me, but she said my reasoning was stupid and dumb and that she won’t be returning it.
We had a huge argument, and she accused me of being shallow and unreasonable, and that the hoodie was important to her because it comforted her when she was upset. And that by demanding it back, I’m taking that comfort away. I persisted still that I wanted it back.
I know it’s silly that we’re fighting over a hoodie, but it’s important to me… and after knowing it’s important to her as well, I’m still not willing to let it go, and I don’t know if that makes me a jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Vera was shivering because she wanted your hoodie, not because she was cold and upset. She is a thief and a bully. The hoodie is ‘important’ to her only because it made you happy. Vera does not deserve you for a friend.
You might be able to leverage peer pressure to get your hoodie back. Try to arrange a get-together at Vera’s apartment with your entire friend group. While at her apartment, if you see the hoodie put it on. If you do not see it, start to shiver and ask to have your hoodie in front of all your friends.
Be insistent, and mention how many times you have asked for it back. Be ‘upset’ but not angry. I bet that she will cry to win your friends’ support, so cry first.” justmeat23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that is your hoodie.
You didn’t give it to her to keep, you let her borrow it.
Very different. Not to mention, it holds sentimental value to you.
Frankly, it’s her reasons for keeping the hoodie are shallow and unreasonable. And she’s definitely toxic. Sounds like she’s just trying to manipulate you into letting her keep it.
If she wants an oversized hoodie she can go buy one herself.” Adept_Active_6247
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! That’s your hoodie, not hers. Plain and simple. People can borrow stuff, yes but if she doesn’t give it to your then that’s stealing.
(In my unprofessional opinion) I would be so persistent about it! She’s a huge jerk and it’s a good thing you cut her off, her reasoning is probably fake since she has always done things to make other people feel bad. I bet she doesn’t even care about the hoodie she just cares about the fact that you’re upset about this and it’s giving her some kind of dominant feeling.
She needs therapy.” New-Pattern7838
12. AITJ For Saying My Brother Is A Deadbeat Dad, Not A "Cool" One?
“My brother Richard is nearing his 40s yet his biggest priority is living a ‘trendy’ lifestyle. Things like vegan challenges, backpacking for weeks at a time, and extensively vlogging his life every day on social media. He constantly crashes frat parties and tries to hang out with college kids.
If Richard only had to worry about himself, I would say it’s his own life and not my place to judge him. But Richard has two young children; My niece Adelaide who just turned 7 and my nephew Parker who is 5. Adelaide and Parker are being raised by my parents because their mother has issues with addiction and Richard is never there for his kids.
Whenever he happens to visit my parents’ house, Richard responds to Adelaide and Parker like ‘Oh yeah, you’re here too, I guess’ and just blows them off. He’s never shown up to a single appointment or event for them.
Richard tries to justify his blatant neglect by saying ‘Well, I have a lot going on’ as if billions of parents don’t also have ‘a lot going on’ and still raise their own kids.
Adelaide’s birthday was in October and Richard didn’t show up, didn’t get Adelaide a present, and didn’t even wish her a happy birthday. He only called back days later and wasn’t even apologetic. Richard just made the excuse that ‘Well, I have a lot on my plate’ because his friend’s launching an Etsy store that sells personalized mugs.
Richard knew months in advance about Parker’s first day of Kindergarten, ditched it to go on another backpacking trip in the Andes, then expected us to praise him because he beat some personal backpacking record.
Richard ran into me at the grocery store and immediately started saying how mad he was because he went to my parents’ house just as Adelaide was showing our grandparents a poster she made for school.
She included an animal drawing of every member of the family except for Richard. Richard asked where he was and Adelaide just told him ‘You’re not on here’ and blew him off. Richard tried to say how Adelaide and Parker ‘don’t realize how good they have it’ because most kids would be so proud to have a ‘cool’ dad who keeps up with trendy things and is interested in what kids are doing nowadays.
I was mad. I told Richard that he’s not a ‘trendy’ college kid, he’s a deadbeat to Adelaide and Parker, and he doesn’t deserve such beautiful and all-around amazing kids when he’s not even a dad to them.
Richard insulted me back but I didn’t care and just left without finishing my shopping.
My parents agreed with what I told Richard because we’ve been gentle too many times in the past and it clearly wasn’t working with Richard.
(My parents are on the verge of disowning/disinheriting Richard because of his neglect.) But several family members/mutual acquaintances of Richard and I reached out to say that the way I publically tore into Richard didn’t accomplish anything except be cruel.
But I feel it had to be said. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told him the truth, and he’s upset because he doesn’t want to accept it. The fact is that all the traveling, vlogging, etc. doesn’t make him a ‘cool dad’ if he’s not there for his kids.
Adelaide and Parker are young and I imagine all they want is to have him be present and active in his role as dad. He’s just totally failing them. If anyone outside of your parents has put their 2 cents in, go ahead and ignore it because they likely don’t know the full story, certainly aren’t there to see what’s happening, and have no business commenting.
Thank goodness for your parents for giving the kids a loving home.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No matter how ‘cool’ he gets, he’s still the ‘father who has the chance to be there but isn’t’ to the kids. His own actions are catching up to him, kids are feeling it.
It’s not your or your parents’ job to make the kids love him or include him, see him as a decent father figure when he’s not. He has no right to be mad at all. He’s not some sort of a child that needs to be told things gently.
You told him like it is, nothing less and nothing more.” User
Another User Comments:
“It took me a couple of paragraphs to be (entirely) on your side, but I got there. I expected this to be a case of effective adoption (by the grandparents) that you didn’t approve of, but he brought it up.
He complained that his kids don’t appreciate him when he’s not there, and literally said that they should appreciate his Instagram account instead of expecting dumb stuff like calling on their birthdays. He’s deluding himself and when he decided to complain about his relationship with his children and blame it on other people you had no obligation at all to baby him.
NTJ” Rando_R_Random_IV
11. AITJ For Causing My Neighbor To Get A Notice To Vacate?
“I (22 F) have lived in the same small townhome gated community for 2 years now. There are only about 15 townhomes here, so for the most part I’ve met/talked with everyone at least twice in the past 2 years. Our community is also pet friendly, and accepting of all breeds of dogs that are up to 85 pounds.
With that being said all of my neighbors except maybe 2 have at least one dog of various breeds, and as of 5 months ago, I also have a dog (Doberman 9 years old, female). She was my mom’s service dog, and unfortunately, my mom passed back in June, but for the entirety of my mom’s illness, Molly was her service dog.
Molly doesn’t service anymore, but nonetheless, she’s still a very well-trained dog. She doesn’t bark or react to anything, we go on our 2-mile walk every morning and that’s enough to put her to sleep for most of the day, and besides me taking her out to use the bathroom twice a day (afternoon and after dinner), she’s never outside in the complex.
Everyone here has gotten to know Molly and loves her, including the complex manager.
The problem lies when a family of 4 (wife, husband, and two kids) moved into the townhome next to us 2 months ago. I met them when I was bringing Molly home from her walk, the husband was outside with the two kids and the kids were so eager to meet Molly, so I let them pet her because she really likes all people, especially kids.
The husband had no problem with it, he even pets Molly himself, but the wife came out in shrieking horror pulling her kids away and telling them to not pet a Doberman cause they’re vicious. I assured her that Molly wasn’t, but she just pulled her kids inside.
Over the course of 2 months, this lady has made complaints against me, trying to get management to remove my dog, each time nothing has come about because my dog does nothing! Friday was it for me, this lady called animal control because management told her that they couldn’t just make me get rid of my dog because she didn’t like the breed. So she called animal control and said all of these lies about Molly barking all times of the night, her living in complete filth, and whatnot.
Animal control came out, saw that they were lies, and instead instructed me to file a complaint against her if she continued to take it to court. So I did just that, I filed a complaint against all of her false allegations with our manager, and this morning I get a knock at my door and she was yelling at me stating that management has instructed her that if she didn’t quit with the badgering and false allegations that they would have no choice but to give her the notice to vacate.
I feel bad because I know she has two kids and wouldn’t want the kids to have to suffer from their mom’s actions, but this lady is exhausting. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Let me see if I get this. This woman has been harassing you from day 1.
It has escalated to the point of filing false reports with the authorities. You have finally complained about this harassment. She has been threatened with eviction if she doesn’t stop the harassment. Her reaction to this is to knock on your door and scream at you.
And you’re wondering if you’re the jerk?
Could you lie down a little flatter so that people who walk over you don’t trip?
NTJ.” Perenially_behind
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Someone who is willing to lie to this degree isn’t just lying about this situation.
Lying is likely how she lives her life.
This means that these kids are growing up in a household where they’re likely being lied to on a daily basis, having their reality manipulated to fulfill whatever truths their mom wants them to live by.
Unfortunately, I doubt that giving Mom consequences here will change anything, but maybe it will eventually convince Dad he can’t live with her anymore.” PurpleMarsAlien
Another User Comments:
“100% NTJ… SHE is the one who lied and made false allegations. If she continues to berate you I’d simply inform her that she messed around and now she’s found out.
I’d take extra steps to protect Molly though… maybe a small camera in her collar at walk times, and make sure you always have her on a leash when outside so that the neighbors don’t try to say she was aggressive or tried to bite her or her kids… and certainly make sure she doesn’t eat or drink anything outside your home.
Your neighbor sounds unhinged enough to try something like that. I’d also document each and every time she confronts you either in writing or video (get a ring doorbell or door camera), as well as any time she tries to make false allegations about you or Molly.
You didn’t do this to her and her family… she did all of this all by herself… it’s no one’s fault but her own.” HillBillyFillyKyGal
10. AITJ For Not Doing The Task That Was Assigned To Me?
“My FIL passed away this year this was the first Thanksgiving without him. He usually did all the cooking for holidays and was a really good cook.
This year his family decided everyone would make a dish and bring it. MIL sent a group text to organize what everyone was bringing. My husband’s sister immediately said she would be making the stuffing from her dad’s recipe. Everyone called other dishes by the time I got to the text I was assigned green beans, cranberry sauce, and sweet potatoes.
My husband loves this cornbread stuffing I make we were hoping I would get to make it this year. We are both sick of his sister always getting her way and no one consulted me I was just assigned whatever was left. I asked if I could make the stuffing instead but his sister said she really wanted to make the stuffing recipe.
MIL asks I just bring what was assigned. I decided, screw it, my husband wants it so I decided to make my stuffing anyway.
I showed up with my stuffing and at dinner, we had a lot of stuffing, rolls, turkey, liquor, and dessert.
MIL was upset with us for not bringing what he was assigned and Thanksgiving dinner was mostly stuffing. As we were leaving MIL asked why we couldn’t just go along with things this year but I feel like I should have been consulted about what I wanted to make just because his sister needed to have her way.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
FIL died and your SIL wanted to make his stuffing, you decide to get offended by that… weird flex but okay. The main issue is your whole attitude, you were a guest in their home for the first Thanksgiving since his death and you just decided to do whatever you wanted instead of following a really simple request and bringing the things you were asked to bring.
I don’t get it and you were incredibly rude.” CrystalQueen3000
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. Gosh. I was so ready to defend you because the entire time I was under the assumption you also made what you were asked to.
That maybe the sister-in-law was just being a jerk saying her stuffing could be the only stuffing. But you didn’t. Jerk. Spite Move.
There’s never too much stuffing and multiple options are great. But by not making what you were asked to first, yeah.
Huge jerk. Those things are all important too and no one got them. Way to go. Get over your ego. You messed up Thanksgiving. Your mother-in-law was right to call you out for it
You go apologize to everyone involved. And on the phone too.
Not text. Fall on your sword.” Patpoose74
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Her father died – she wanted to cook it herself in his memory.
The text arrived at the same time to you all – it’s not her problem you replied too late.
If your husband cares more about some cornbread stuffing than his dead father’s recipe in the first year after his death then he is the one that is a jerk.
Then to top it all off you made just your stuffing and didn’t bother to make the other dishes you were assigned to and didn’t let anyone know.
And what’s wrong with your husband – does he have a learning disability or is he missing two arms? Could he not have cooked the other sides?
You were so gung ho about the sister that the main person who mattered at that dinner was your MIL and you disappointed her and ruined the dinner.
Shame on you.” User
9. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law To Stop Brainwashing My Kids To Get Baptized?
“I (33 F) have two kids (12 M and 10 F). I have always had a rough relationship with my in-laws. They are the typical ‘extreme evangelical pastors’ and didn’t approve of me since I wasn’t Christian. I am and have always been an Atheist. I met my husband in college and while we were going out, I found out I got pregnant which caused more issues.
They forced my husband to propose to me since they didn’t want their grandkid to be born out of marriage. They tried to make us have a religious wedding and tried to make us go to church with them but I always refused.
They calmed down a little when our second came and we allow them to have the kids over every now and then but still tried to push their religion into us. We’re trying to raise our kids religion-free and let them decide once they are older and can understand better.
Now to the issue, as I mentioned our kids go to stay at their home at least one weekend a month but recently we’ve been dropping them over every weekend because of time constraints my husband and I have been having. Well, last week they came to me and asked me if we could take them on Sunday to church to get baptized.
I was dumbfounded, it was clear they had heard about this from my in-laws. I asked them why they wanted that and they explained that they had been going to baptism classes with my in-laws and decided to get baptized. I explained to them that they weren’t ready to make that decision and to tell me honestly if their grandma told them to say that.
They denied it but I suspected there was more to the story.
I later called my MIL and asked her about it, she didn’t deny it and said they had been taking our kids to Sunday school and baptism classes since they had to be there as pastors and wouldn’t leave them at home by themselves.
I asked her why couldn’t skip one day for taking care of their grandkids but she said the kids actually enjoyed it and asked to go. I called her out on her lies and to stop trying to brainwash my kids but she said I was holding them away.
I got very mad and told her to stay away from my kids and hung up.
I told my husband, he tried to defend his mom but eventually saw my point and agreed with me. I had to explain to our kids that they couldn’t go but they started begging to let them go.
Well, the baptism was supposed to happen this past Sunday and they are mad at me, won’t talk to me, and have asked my husband to let them go stay at their grandparents’. I’ve been trying to explain why this is the best for them now and we can revisit the idea when they are older but they refuse to listen and I’m starting to feel guilty.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You said you were okay with them deciding when they were older… well, 10 and 12 aren’t babies. If they want to be baptized, how does that hurt you? Why does their belief threaten you so much? Exactly how old did you want them to be before they came to their own conclusions?
It sounds like you’re afraid of them having something in their lives that you’re not a part of, cannot understand, and feel so strongly against. Don’t let your fears stop them from exploring something that they want to explore.
Be the supportive parent you’re supposed to be and let them know you love them even if their views are different from your own.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because of all the reasons others mentioned plus this: at that age, many kids decide they don’t believe in any particular religion even if they don’t call it atheism.
They should be allowed to do that. Conversely, it also means they should be old enough to decide they do believe in a religion. They may change their minds again later on, who knows, but that’s the beauty of it – it’s not irreversible, and it’s entirely a personal choice.
Once you haven’t allowed them to make it because you’re too stuck in your ways. You’re no better than your in-laws.” Horrorjunkie1234
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You dropped your kids off with pastors every weekend and demanded they abandon the practice of their religious beliefs to commit to yours.
That’s so absurd as to be laughable.
You have every right to raise your kids as you see fit. But I guarantee you, these kids are going to end up resenting you. If you’re right, baptism is just a silly religious act no more meaningful than diving in a pool.
But the default of tweens and teens is rebellion. You’ve given your kids something to rebel against: your atheism.” N8HPL
8. AITJ For Not Returning My Bully's Toys?
“I (21 f) used to be bullied in high school, I was the ‘weird kid’ for my interests and one of my interests was collecting toys, I liked to collect McDonald’s toys because I knew that they might be worth a lot in a few years and I could sell them for a huge amount, one of the girls at my high school made fun of me for my interests and got a lot of people to bully me, for my birthday she gave me the full super Mario happy meal set (from 2017) as a joke, she recorded me opening the gift and sent it around the school.
Everyone made fun of me for being so excited about the gift and I was called ‘Happy Meal’ for the rest of the year, my bully would sometimes throw McDonald’s French fries at me or put the wrappers for McDonald’s burgers on my desk before class, but the bullying only lasted till the end of 10th grade.
Sometimes somebody would call me ‘Happy Meal’ or ‘French Fry’ but nobody cared anymore. I forgot about my bully after I graduated and moved to a different province for university… well I forgot about her until last week. She had randomly texted me out of the blue on Instagram, I actually didn’t even recognize her from her profile picture, but when I checked her account I was shocked to find out it was her.
After high school, she had become addicted to substances, and she was pregnant with her 4th kid. She was obviously not in the financial state for 4 kids. She had texted me and apologized for bullying me and I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and be friendly back but it was obvious she wanted something from me.
After talking for about twenty minutes she brought up the birthday present she had given me five years ago and asked if I still had it. I did, but it was in Toronto at my parents’ house, I didn’t mention that part and said ‘Yes I do still have it’ suddenly the mood changed and she began begging for the gift back, she kept saying she had no job and her husband didn’t earn enough to support her family and she wanted the toys back to sell for money.
I googled how much the toys were worth, and they were worth under $100. I said that I didn’t want to give them back because she had bullied me with them and she didn’t deserve them. She was MAD. She sent me several voice messages calling me a jerk and then she blocked me.
I told my friends and family about it and said that I was a jerk for not giving her the toys! So am I the jerk for not giving her the toys back?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope, NTJ. Being bullied can mess people up for life.
You don’t owe someone that bullied you and made your life miserable for a period of time anything, even if they actually changed or apologized. Sorry, but if it’s worth less than $100, surely she has something else that she can sell that’s worth the same or more.
I wouldn’t go as far as saying that someone deserves a life of addiction and poverty for bullying, but they absolutely don’t deserve your kindness or energy. It’s ruff that she’s going through it, but it’s not your predicament to fix, and if she was truly remorseful for bullying you, she would’ve apologized well before she was struggling herself and without manipulation or the prospect of her gaining something tied to the apology.
NTJ even remotely.” ThreeMoonTides
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it was a gift. You are not responsible for her decisions in life. Yes, it is trashy to bully someone and the fact that she’s still harassing you shows she hasn’t changed a bit… while it’s sad to see other people go through hardships it is not your responsibility to solve it or be involved. She needs to understand that if she wants to have money she will have to beat her addictions.
It’s likely she would have sold it to support her addiction. If she cannot afford to take care of the kids and get over her addictions then she is not capable of being able to raise them.
All of these aren’t your problem so I would block her and if she contacts you after that call the cops.
You might want to call CPS for the children’s sake because that doesn’t sound like a safe or healthy environment for them to grow up in. Other than that, screw her for continuing to bully you.” brutallyy
Another User Comments:
“What a bizarre story! Definitely NTJ. I find it interesting that what she did back then made such an impact on her OWN life, it stuck with her all these years later… much so that tracking you down for the object attached to her cruel joke became a viable option in her mind.
That tells me how awful it must have been for you on the receiving end. I’m sorry you went through that. I guess we just toss this in the category of ‘trashy people do trashy things’ and keep it moving. However, I’m very confused by the people in your life that think you should give it back to her.
I would reevaluate those relationships.” No_Name-McGee
7. AITJ For Wanting To Help My Wife With Her Job Interviews?
“My wife recently worked for a real estate company for the past 2 years. At the beginning of this year, her work dried up and she was routinely done with her day’s work before 10:00 am.
Seeing this as a red flag, I tried to politely hint back in April that her company might not be doing so hot, and as such she should start looking for a new job soon.
She didn’t really listen, as she liked the company and her boss kept reassuring her that they’d keep her around.
In July, they finally let her go. She applied to fewer than 10 jobs between April and July with 0 interviews. Luckily, I was having a great year in my role and was able to keep us afloat.
Interviewing is something I do pretty well (this is something she even says to her friends) but she didn’t really want my help at all. Asking that I just let her figure this out as this is her journey. Months went by, she had interviews here and there and got to the final round of interviews at 3 companies but they all turned her away.
I’m still having a good year so money isn’t an issue, but the amount of stress this puts me under really is eating at me every day.
Eventually, we had a fight where I told her she needs to let me help out with her search, interview prep, and more since the year is almost up and I can’t guarantee next year will be as good for me.
I feel terrible forcing my help on her, but I’m terrified she just doesn’t know how to show how she’s a great employee when interviewing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, this is a nuanced one so I’ll detail why:
You aren’t a jerk for being frustrated, nor for offering to help.
You aren’t a jerk for pointing out that what she is currently doing isn’t working and that she needs to try harder because of the future problems you articulate here.
You are a jerk for taking away your wife’s self-agency and commandeering her job search because you don’t feel she is qualified or to be trusted to do it herself.
You are not her dad, you are her spouse and partner. You don’t get to make those choices or control her mistakes. You don’t own her.
Does she need to step up and get to work? Yes. She needs to do that.
And if she doesn’t then you might need to have serious conversations about your future. But what you are doing here is controlling and jerk behavior.” Encartrus
Another User Comments:
“You are a jerk, but not for what you think.
Your efforts to help don’t make you a jerk.
The reason why you are helping is what makes you a jerk. You are only helping your wife because you think she is terrible at interviewing for jobs, so you think by forcing your input on her, somehow you will magically make her interview better.
I’m sure your wife interviews just fine. You are sending her a message that you don’t believe in her and have no faith in her ability to land any job that she’s fit for because according to you, her interviews are why she isn’t obtaining another job.
And just in case the point hasn’t hit home with all of this just yet, I just wanted to clarify again that yes, YTJ.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If she’s made it to the final round multiple times, it’s unlikely her interview skills are the problem.
Or even her ability to find and identify jobs that are potentially good fits for her. It’s unlikely there even is a problem: there’s just no way for her to control for who else is applying, or those candidates bringing one or two things to the table that are particularly appealing to that particular employer.
Maybe she needs to be a bit more aggressive in applying to places that don’t check all her criteria for an ‘ideal position/place to work,’ but that in no way translates to ‘you’re doing it wrong; just let me take over.’ After all, they’re not hiring your idea of who she needs to present herself as; they’re hiring her, and she needs to be the one to navigate that.” User
6. AITJ For Sticking To Our Original Schedule And Plan?
“My parents and in-laws live about 30 minutes from each other.
Whenever we come into town, we typically always stay at my parents’ house because their house is much bigger. We have a big enough room that we can have a bassinet for our infant plus a toddler bed for our 1.5-year-old in our room with us.
Both are sleep trained to fall asleep on their own and in their own beds. However, if we were to stay in my in-laws’, they would either have to be in bed with us (full-size bed not even a king or queen) or sleep in an adult bed in another room.
Both of which make me uncomfortable. Additionally, I am exclusively pumping, and pumping in someone else’s home always feels awkward and uncomfortable to me.
Because of all this, My husband has never had an issue with always staying at my parents’ house.
It’s what makes the most sense for our family. However, I encouraged him to buy a $600+ plane ticket for his brother so he could join us up there for the holidays. My husband now wants to stay the night at his parents’ house more nights because his brother is going to be there.
I’m saying no. We already bought your brother a plane ticket, do we really need to adjust our entire sleeping arrangement and be uncomfortable for him too? I’ve offered options: his brother can stay at my parents’ too. Or that we can wake up when our toddler does in the morning (7 am) and head right over there.
Let him nap there. And then come home by his bedtime (7 pm). And again I’m shot down. So I want to know. AITJ? Should I be more flexible?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Staying at the other place is dumb and you shouldn’t have to do dumb things especially when the comfort of your kids and sleep is involved. You should be able to pump wherever makes you comfortable when the houses are so close to each other.
I think you should tell your husband that it’s not going to work to stay at his parents’ house and you need to keep doing what you’ve been doing.” portalsoflight
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You want to be more comfortable.
Your husband wants to spend more time with his family, especially after y’all spent a good bit on buying a ticket for your brother. You are asking your husband to keep an unreasonably limited schedule of hanging out with his family since most people without newborns don’t end their day at 7 PM.
Your husband is asking you to sacrifice a lot of comfort and ease of childcare for his sake. Just find a better compromise, like letting your husband hang out with the family until a normal adult bedtime and dealing with the nighttime interruptions, or asking your parents to step up a little bit so you don’t have to enforce a strict time limit on your husband.” Milskidasith
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is shooting down every reasonable compromise that allows him more time with his brother. I honestly don’t think this is about him simply hanging out with his brother. I suspect either MIL is putting pressure on him for you all to stay together overnight, or your husband is wanting the nostalgia of all of his entire family staying together under the same roof.
But it is unsafe for an infant and toddler to sleep together in an adult bed. Full stop. If your husband is insisting on that, he’s the jerk. Someday, when the kids are a little older, they can share a bed at his parents’, but not right now.” Sneezydiva3
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Return My Ex's Stuff?
“I (23 F) just got out of a long-term relationship with Mike (24 M) of 2 years. We did mid-distance so we never got to see much of each other.
There was a miscommunication and I ended up having an affair with a friend. He found out via a mutual friend so he called it off. I know what I did was wrong but this isn’t about that.
Mike left a few of his things at my house and asked me to visit him or at least meet me halfway to drop them off.
I refused. Why should I travel for hours to drop his things off? He also said that because he spent so much visiting me toward the end of our relationship (though-out we traveled 50-50 but I could never find the time to go to him so he came to me and said he didn’t mind) that I should be willing to do this.
I still maintain my position and told him I wouldn’t be traveling. Then he asked me to mail his things to him but because of the value of the items, I refused as I don’t want the blame if they get lost in the mail.
I was venting to my friends and they said while it’s understandable I don’t want to travel and see him, that this is a selfish thing to do. Especially when he is asking me to mail them and cover the cost so I don’t need to travel.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Miscommunication or not, you were unfaithful. Regardless of who traveled more, you were unfaithful. Even if he came to you, he did so because he wanted to see you.
He has asked for the return of his things, which is entirely reasonable.
Package them up, and do it properly, so you cannot be blamed for the damage. For example, don’t chuck a glass Christmas ornament in a box of books. He is willing to pay for shipping, so sending via the postal service rather than a larger shipping company should be fine (and insurance is usually far more reasonable).
You’ve wronged him. Regardless of how it happened, what you did was hurtful to the point of ending your relationship. Return his things with the same kindness and care you’d like him to show to your own things if he had them.” punnymama
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – photograph the items, photograph the box you are sending. Spend the extra $1 for insurance and ship him his stuff back.
Sounds to me like you aren’t over him and you are doing everything in your power to see him again.
I would imagine that’s what your friends see as well.
Ship his stuff back, send him the tracking number, and call it a day. If you are worried about him blaming you for damage, block him after you send it. But seriously the dude didn’t do anything wrong.
This is your fault. Own it.” firewifegirlmom0124
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and I hope he takes you to small claims court if you don’t send his stuff back. He has been more than reasonable and in one comment you even say you brought some of his stuff to meet up and get stuff back to you and him but didn’t bring all his stuff.
Why not bring it all then? That seems suspiciously like you wanted to keep a bunch of stuff or else you already destroyed it or gave it away. I hope I’m wrong and that you’ll just send him his stuff back.” Americanhealth74
4. AITJ For Going On A Vacation Instead Of Buying A New Truck?
“I’ve been part of a medical malpractice suit against a local doctor that’s been ongoing for about 6 years. It’s been long and stressful, with no end in sight. Last week, I was called by my attorney with the best news possible.
The suit was finally settled and I’ll be getting $236,000 after all attorney fees and medical bills and whatnot. For the most part, my ailments were almost fully treated and I’m thankfully at about 90% where I was before the incident. I told my husband, and he was over the moon.
I’ve always wanted to take a vacation with my sister to NYC because we both grew up fantasizing about living there but have settled for a week-long vacation there.
I would pay for both of us because she deserves it and supported me through this entire crap.
Now my husband is saying it’s a waste of money and we should spend it on a new truck for him (his is old and has issues but he doesn’t actually need a truck for work or anything) and moving back to his hometown because he misses his family.
I told him the vacation isn’t going to cost more than $15,000 and we can figure out what to do with the rest of the money when the time comes. We only have around $7,000 in debt so that will be paid off first. The suit started before we were married so as far as I know the money is solely mine, and he shouldn’t be able to touch it without my consent, but I’m still worried. AITJ for wanting to take a vacation after this long process?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He’s got a lot of nerve to suggest you spend the money on his wants and desires over your own.
Now, of course, there may be some legitimate considerations over how much you’re planning to spend for a vacation ($15,000 is A LOT), but those are considerations that only you can figure out.
It’s not like you’re looking to spend money you don’t have, or like you’re ignoring other responsibilities.
Ultimately this is your decision, he needs to show you a lot more respect.” JsCTmav
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Put those funds in your own account in a bank where your husband does not have an account.
Make sure he cannot access it in any way. Then double-check with a lawyer about the laws in your country/state/province as to whether lawsuit settlements are marital property. You suffered for this money, it is morally yours (and I hope legally).
You should determine how it is spent – and hint, it should not be spent on his wants.” everyonemustlovecats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His truck isn’t your problem. You can be nice and HELP him get a new truck but it doesn’t need to be a brand-new 2023 truck.
I got a very nice 2010 Nissan Titan around 4 years ago with 74,000 miles on it and have had zero problems with it. It was around $15,000. You’re getting a lot of money, even if you bought him a $ 50,000 truck, you’d still have enough funds to take your vacation a dozen times.
Why is it a waste for you to enjoy a week with your sister to see out some form of a childhood dream but it’s not a waste to buy a truck that he doesn’t need? Maybe offer to buy a small car that’s easy on the gas to save funds.
Since he seems to be worried about spending wisely.
Also, do you want to move back to his hometown? Certainly, that wouldn’t cost 100,000.” ScoobyEatsZombie
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Force My Daughter Into Calling My Fiancée "Mom"?
“My daughter is six, I’ve been with my fiancée (Maddy) for 5 years, and introduced her to my daughter 2 years ago.
I admit I like things to go slow, especially with my daughter, she only just started being consistent in my daughter’s life as she just moved in.
And I do love that she’s excited, I don’t mean to rain on anyone’s parade here, I’m just asking for some courtesy.
So lately she has been calling Presley her daughter.
I told Eva (my ex-wife) that she was moving in, this week was Eva’s week so I went to go drop her off.
Maddy got out of the car and unbuckled Presley, took her out, and said ‘Okay! Bye daughter!’ They laughed and she said ‘Say bye momma, say bye momma!’ Presley didn’t say anything but walked to Eva.
This very clearly took Eva off guard, she grabbed Presley and left. As we left I asked Maddy and word for word said that ‘I know you’re excited, and I’m very glad about that, but I don’t think saying she’s your daughter and asking her to call you mama is a respectful thing to do, and to maybe try and say something else to her’.
Maddy said ‘There isn’t anything wrong with that, obviously I’m not her mom, doesn’t mean I can’t call her my daughter though, that’s what I see her as’.
I said ‘I understand and I’m glad, but 1.
It’s confusing to Presley she’s still young, and I think her clearly not responding to you shows that she’s not comfortable with it either, and 2 that’s not something that any parent wants to hear and to try and fit herself into her shoes.’
She said that I was throwing it in her face that she isn’t her mom but she’s living with us so she deals with her and everything as well, and contributes.
I said that I do everything regarding Presley (food, clothes, rides, schools, homework help, to and from school, everything I did before Maddy I still do, on my own) because that’s my job and there’s no issue with that, I don’t expect her to parent her, or anything, that’s not her job, they have fun with each other and that’s the most important part.
And of course, I’m happy that she is bonding with her, but she isn’t her mother, And to blatantly disregard her mom by calling herself Presley’s mom, isn’t respectful.
We went back and forth until she ended up leaving & said I’m not being respectful to her and trying to get in the middle of her simply trying to bond with Presley to accommodate my ex.
I can’t imagine some guy coming out and saying ‘say bye daddy! Say bye daddy’ I wouldn’t be so fond of that either, my point here isn’t necessarily to accommodate but to acknowledge that Eva is her mom, and it’s going to cause a lot of issues if Maddy isn’t going to give Eva the mutual respect and vise versa.
I’ve also got a message from Eva saying that she wasn’t exactly comfortable with her being called her mom a day after this altercation, which I genuinely don’t think is some out-of-this-world ask of someone.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Former social worker here, and what’s most telling here is that your child did not respond positively to this incident.
That likely means they do not see your partner in that motherly role, and your partner trying to force that is likely to hurt their relationship. Claiming the title of parent is a huge commitment and it sounds like your partner hasn’t fully taken that on… and this is a case where the title comes after responsibilities, not before.
And, regardless of her desire to take on that role and all the fun things (like familial titles!) that come with it, this is still your child, and you (and your ex as co-parents) get to decide who is in the child’s life and what their role is.
If your partner truly cares about this child (and not just the enjoyment she gets out of a parenting role) she needs to respect both you and your daughter’s wishes.
I feel like there is an easy (and maybe even fun) solution here though, which is to come up with a special and unique nickname for your partner; something that encompasses the relationship with your daughter and hints at your partner’s growing role in your lives.
If they have a shared interest or activity, this could be tied into the name as well. This is something we regularly did with kids getting new caregivers when they already had healthy and established parental relationships.” TurtleKing105
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This is never an easy situation, it gets even harder when the ‘steps’ want to force the issue. Child Psychology 101: Never, EVER FORCE a child to call someone mom/dad who is NOT ACTUALLY mom/dad. The child will resent the fact that an adult is forcing them to feel a certain way.
Forcing that intimacy usually backfires in a really unhealthy way. The child will neither respect nor feel comfortable with the adult who is trying to force a relationship.
There have got to be some resources out there on healthy step parenting and healthy bonding for ‘steps’, I just don’t know what they are.
Your partner is the jerk here for trying to force it, and your daughter will also end up being uncomfortable with YOU if this is allowed. You’re doing GREAT, Dad! You don’t want to damage YOUR relationship with your daughter over your partner being overly ‘parental’, and in the wrong way.
Let your partner know if she cannot respect the boundaries you’ve established, it IS a deal breaker because your child will always come first. She needs education in this area, just because she doesn’t KNOW doesn’t make her bad, wrong, or dumb, it just makes her UNEDUCATED on this subject.” SageGreen98
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your fiancee needs to cool it.
I get that she’s waited a long time to meet your daughter and really wants to be a part of her family. However, this is dancing on the fine line of really sweet vs overbearing.
But her biggest issue is the flagrant disregard for your daughter’s feelings. Your daughter needs to decide what she wants to call her and it’s something that will happen organically. Her insisting is really off-putting. She’s also got some massive insecurity if she’s trying to do that in front of your ex (and I don’t blame your ex for being unhappy with that).
I think you really nailed it when you reversed the roles in this situation. If your fiancée can’t empathize when you put it to her that way, then you have some big decisions to make.” Fire_or_water_kai
2. AITJ For Not Being Excited For My Husband's Marathon?
“Running is my husband’s form of exercise, which he feels is becoming more and more necessary as he gets older. He typically runs the Dopey Challenge at Disney World every couple of years and now he’s decided that after our January 2023 Disney trip, he’s going to start training for a 100-mile ultramarathon.
That means every other weekend he’ll be running 20+ miles as well as shorter distances on the non-long run weekends. We recently had our second baby this past June and between running, work, and the master’s program he started last November, I’ve been spending long hours with the kiddos (3 years and 4 months), especially on the weekends.
It’s wearing on me a ton, especially since I’m also a full-time working mom.
My husband is really looking for support and encouragement to meet his goal of running an ultramarathon. He wants his parents and me to be his crew during the 30-hour race in August, leaving our then 4-year-old and 1-year-old with friends for the weekend.
We’d be driving from point to point overnight to get him food, supplies, bandage blisters, etc.
I want to be supportive, but I feel like I’m sacrificing so much of my physical and emotional energy to support his personal goals. He also says I told him it was okay when he initially signed up, but now I complain about it all the time.
So, AITJ for not being excited he’s running the ultra?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. After taking care of work, house, and kids, you should both have equal amounts of personal time that you can spend on friends, hobbies, TV, reading, gym, whatever.
It sounds like you are not getting equal amounts of personal time as him, and further, you are expected to sacrifice your personal time to support his hobby. That isn’t fair to you.
He’s already pursuing one challenging personal goal which is his master’s degree – that already takes a big sacrifice from a spouse to support when you have two young children.
He’s being super unrealistic to pursue a SECOND challenging personal goal that is incredibly time-consuming.” balitoridae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He has a lot on his plate, and so do you. I know that things will not always be even, but you need to sit down and have an open conversation with him.
Tell him that you want to continue to find ways to support him during this period, but that you need far more assistance. That you cannot do it alone and also need time for yourself. If that means you need to budget for a nanny or daycare, then so be it.
But the current setup isn’t working, and you had no clue it would be this intense when you agreed.
Tell him that if this continues to be important to him, then something has to give. It cannot be one-sided. And there needs to be an equitable split of time with the kids and time spent for BOTH of your pursuits and alone time.” fzooey78
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, unless he is doing the same amount of housework, childcare, family organizing/home management, and making sure you have the same amount of time/mental space/energy to devote to your hobby then he is being a jerk.
The fact that he is more likely to run an ultra marathon at a famous destination than you are likely to be able to finish a book (or catch up with a friend or whatever mundane hobby that is usually viewed as more accessible than marathon running) is ludicrous.
He isn’t making sacrifices, you are. He might be dedicated but he is dedicated to getting you to dedicate all your time to looking after his responsibilities, he is sacrificing your free time and energy, whatever pain he feels is likely outmatched by the pain of realizing someone’s hobby is more important to them than their children and being fair.” HannahAnthonia
1. AITJ For Saying My Parents Were Selfish And That They Neglected Me As A Child?
“I (f 15) have parents who had me very young (f 30) and (m 31). Even though they had other options they decided to raise me. I know a lot of people can have a baby as young as my parents were and do a great job raising that child.
Well, my parents did not and neither of their families decided to help them raise a baby so they did it on their own. So it was just them who ‘raised’ me. Just some of the things they did were leave me places (like the store), leave me home alone when I was only 6 for hours at a time, never remember my birthday or age, and forget to take me to the doctor or school.
That’s only some of the stuff they did.
Well, in my AP English class, we had to choose a book and write an essay on what the book symbolizes. Well, my teacher liked my essay. She emailed my mom just saying how well-written my essay was and how she thinks I could go far if I decided to pursue my English literature education more.
Well, my parents started saying I must have gotten that quality from them. Like they were having a full-on debate on how I got my ability to comprehend English literature.
I got annoyed and said neither of them can act like I got my ‘smarts’ from them when they’ve been neglectful my whole life.
They got mad and said they gave up their teenage years to take care of me. I said no, you were still selfish, which isn’t what parents are supposed to be you were supposed to put my needs first not yours so I’m not letting you take credit for doing well in school.
I haven’t talked to either of them since but I can tell they are both upset. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, what you are describing is typical, as far as parents being very self-congratulatory and the kids having a very different opinion on that.
‘parents started saying (my name) must have gotten that quality from me.’
You don’t have to agree with their statement, but it’s worth pointing out that what they were saying does not take away from your work or your academic achievement.
The two ideas can co-exist.
Also seems worth adding that if we take it at face value, their neglect opened up space for you to become as self-sufficient as you are. So while it’s kind of backhanded towards them, they did have a hand in things.
It doesn’t take anything away from you and it certainly does not take away from work you have put in.
You have every right to feel annoyed. They also have every right to feel proud of you, which is what I think fueled their debate.
Parents are weird. I’m a parent, we get weird. Lack of sleep and nostalgia is quite powerful.” battle_bunny99
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
At your age, it’s normal to be angry at your parents and too immature to see past immediate feelings.
I’m sure you can imagine you would be a horrible parent if you had a baby today. That’s just your life and there’s nothing you can do to change the circumstances of your birth.
What you can do, however, is decide on your strategy now and what kind of future you’ll get.
You can accept that they did their best (even though their best was subpar) and that they struggled hard out of love for you. You can decide you want a better relationship with them moving forward and start finding ways to connect with them instead of being hostile.
Alternatively, you can reject them, punish them and cut yourself off from them. After a few years of that hostility, you might be the one traumatized and now unable to form healthy relationships with your peers.
It’s entirely possible that you’ll become close to them in adulthood, that they’ll turn out to be excellent grandparents if you eventually have kids, and that they still have tons of maturity to gain and will overcome their trauma.
Make sure you allow for that to happen. You can make it happen or control how they act, but you can leave the door open.” ughwhyusernames
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s totally understandable that you are feeling it’s your accomplishment and yours alone, but to be honest, if they had a baby at basically your age, were thrown to the wolves, and managed to stay together, keep a roof over your head, not get you taken by a CPS and raise you to the point where you can take AP classes and THRIVE, they must have been doing something right.
Imagine how well would you fare if you were given a baby and no support right now.” Sunny_Hill_1
