People Are Scrutinizing Themselves In These 'Am I A Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Not Treating My Daughter And Stepdaughters Equally?
“I (31M) was in a relationship with Kate (29F) for a few years and she became pregnant with Ava (6F).
Kate has Ava’s custody and I have her every other weekend and some holidays, but because Kate really likes my parents and we’re “fine” now, Ava used to spend afternoons with me after school and I could see her whenever I wanted. So, I met my fiancee Aly (32F) about 2 years ago.
Aly was a single mom to May (8F) and Lia (7F). Ava met the girls and they seemed to get along well when they saw each other. I proposed to Aly and we have been living together for a few months and that’s when the problems started. Now, Ava has to share a room and since then has been throwing tantrums, refusing to sleep in room, fighting with her sisters, crying all the time.
The girls’ school is also causing confusion. May and Lia studied at public school and now I pay for a private school for them (3k per month for each). Kate comes from an extremely wealthy family, and although I’m very well off, I don’t have as much as she does.
She always wanted to put Ava in the same school she and her family attended when she was old enough and this year she puts Ava in this school (10k per month) and Ava keeps telling her sisters how great her school is and this makes May and Lia sad.
Aly asked me to take Ava out of school and put her with the other 2 or send all 3 to the same school. I told her I didn’t have the funds to pay for all 3 (I make 23k a month) and that Kate paid Ava’s tuition.
Aly was very upset and called me a jerk for favoring one kid over the others and that it wasn’t fair for Ava to go to such a fancy school and her sisters go to a bad school. Well, a few days ago Kate threw Ava a slumber party and invited several of Ava’s friends, without May and Lia.
I discovered it on Instagram, Aly was furious. I talked to Kate about it and she said Ava didn’t want the girls there and wouldn’t make her do anything, so she hung up saying that Lia and May weren’t her problem. Friday, when I got home, I found Ava hysterical because Aly had told her that she was leaving school and that she had to invite her sisters to parties or she wouldn’t be able to have them over.
I calmed Ava down and took her to her mom’s house and had a big fight with Aly. Saturday Kate came to my house and said she would file a lawsuit to stop Ava from having contact with Aly, that I couldn’t go around playing house with someone else and hurt Ava and that Ava wouldn’t pay for it, that Ava doesn’t have sisters, that Aly should accept that Ava will always have better things because she can afford it and we cannot…There was more arguing and Kate go away saying I was a jerk.
My parents found out about the fight and are saying I’m a jerk for treating random kids like mine and ruining my relationship with Ava and refusing to treat the girls like their granddaughters. Ava is avoiding talking to me and crying because I replaced her with May and Lia.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you are definitely a jerk! These girls are not your stepdaughters because you are not married. Your fiancée is jealous of your daughter and treating her horribly. She is not her mother & she does not get to control what your daughter does, who your daughter invites to a party, or what school your daughter attends.
This is not going to work. She sounds controlling and emotionally abusive towards your daughter. What’s next? Your daughter will have to give up her college fund because your fiancée didn’t save for her own kids? You need to step back from this relationship & put your daughter first. Do better!!” dncrmom
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk, smooth. Maybe you’re doing what you think is right for your stepdaughters, but the way it’s being done is hurting Ava. Aly, however, is completely out of her mind. She can’t say where Ava goes to school and what she does at her mom’s house if she isn’t paying for it.
It sounds like Aly is jealous of Ava… Does Aly work? What is her contribution to May and Lia’s expenses? Do you pay Ava’s child support? Dude, you guys aren’t even married yet and she treats her daughter this way… Lots of red flags. I feel sorry for the kids stuck in this mess, especially May and Lia, as Kate seems to protect Ava.” asiahashes
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. Big time. You don’t take food from your daughter’s mouth to feed your new kids. Why should Ava have a reduced quality of life for no reason other than for choices you made with picking a new partner?
Your new partner needs to stay in her lane. She needs to do better by her own girls by raising them to know it’s okay that others have different lives and not everything will always be the same as everyone else’s. Like yeah, come Christmas time buy them all the same doll.
That’s equal. Taking your one daughter out of school?! Cruel.” my-kind-of-crazy
20. AITJ For Refusing To Equalize Earnings Between My Daughter And Stepdaughter?
“My wife and I each brought a daughter from previous relationships into our marriage. Despite being only a year apart in age, our daughters were completely different and that’s why I’m here.
My daughter has always been athletic and outgoing. Growing up, she played basketball, softball, soccer, volleyball, and even golf. In middle school, she picked up tennis and never looked back. I paid for her to have private lessons and when she found out how much I was paying for those lessons, she decided that’s what she wants to do as her teenage job.
She’s now a junior, is one of the best players on her HS team, and teaching tennis lessons. She teaches elementary school kids and charges $75 per hour per kid. With her skills and outgoing personality, she has a waiting list of kids and makes about $1,200 a week.
She could make more but I limit her hours so that she can concentrate on school.
My stepdaughter is reserved and not very athletic. We always tried to sign her up to the same sport and team with my daughter but she either objected or quit a couple of weeks in.
I get it, sports is not for everyone so I never made her feel bad about it. She recently turned 16 and got a job at a burger place nearby. She’s making $13 an hour and brings home less than $200 a week.
My daughter recently decided that she wants to be independent by buying her clothes and electronics with her own money.
Obviously she can afford the latest styles and gadgets. She recently brought herself the top of the line Mac. My stepdaughter is jealous of her sister and have been very vocal about it.
While we were in bed last night, my wife said it was unfair one is making so much more than the other.
I answered that there’s nothing we can do about it and it’s a good life lesson for the girls. My wife then suggested we have my daughter use her money to help my stepdaughter buy the same things or we cover the pay difference between the girls.
I laughed because I thought she was joking but she wasn’t. We whisper argued for about an hour before we went to sleep. This morning she brought it up again and accused said I’m refusing because I’m playing favorites and that’s a jerk move for a parent.
We argued until we had to leave for work.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Step daughter shouldn’t benefit from her step-sister’s hard work ‘just because’. Your wife is silly to even suggest that your daughter should have to pay for anything regarding her step sister.
Outrageous to even think it, let alone say it out loud. You’re not playing favourites. If your wife gets her way all she will do is breed resentment from your daughter to her step sister.” HeirOfRavenclaw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – why would you punish one child to benefit the other?
It is a good lesson for both girls. The one who makes less is learning she needs to learn valuable skills to pay for what she wants. The one who makes more is reaping the benefits of consistent effort. I do think you should look into getting your step daughter lessons in things that interest her, not just what her step-sister is doing.
Help her try some things out. Maybe buy her a few things so she doesn’t feel quite so left behind, but not as nice as what your other daughter is able to buy for herself.” guardlamamama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner wants to take money away from your daughter (Money that is hers, that she earned), and give it to her daughter, that’s favoritism, it’s not your daughter’s fault that her step-sibling makes less than her, and the step-sibling should learn to not aspire to spend more than what she can afford, your partner is setting up her daughter for failure as an adult.” Em1-_-
19. AITJ For Standing Up To My SIL Over My Eating Habits?
“I (36F) am a white girl married into a Japanese family.
My husband’s family has never really accepted me because I am white but they’re not that bad most of the time. Usually, they are just cold but my SIL is very hostile especially when it comes to food. I don’t like Sushi and my SIL always tried to get me to eat it and has yelled at me for things like using too much soy sauce, eating my dumpling whole and not dipping it in sauce first, mixing wasabi with my soy sauce, drinking sake with rice, etc.
Recently we went out for dinner with them for my birthday. I am okay with chopsticks but I still struggle with them sometimes, I was trying to pick up a piece of meat and I just used one of the chopsticks to stab the meat and eat it.
SIL immediately started yelling at me saying I was disrespectful. I told her I would eat my food however I liked and to please mind her own business. She always does this and I have had enough, people can eat however they like. I am sick of her picking at my food habits.
She said I was being disrespectful to her culture, I told her how I chose to eat food is my choice and to mind her own business. Things got ugly and I left. My husband stayed with them. I have been married to him for 5 years and in a relationship for 7, I have learned his language and speak Japanese with his family.
His family has had none of that same respect for me, to this day none of his family has ever tried Egyptian food or tried to learn the language, I have been expected to learn it even though they speak perfect English. We live in Europe yet I am always expected to conform to his culture.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The fact that your husband has allowed his sister to bully you relentlessly for years is unacceptable, but on your *birthday?* He seriously let you leave your own birthday dinner and stayed with them? Why are you still married to a man that weak?
He either agrees with their racist attitudes, or he doesn’t care enough about you to protect you from them. Either way, you should leave him. He’s never going to protect you. Don’t waste any more of your life on someone like that.” Cursd818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you have a husband problem if he lets them attack you every time you see them. I think you may need to really think if this is how you want this for the rest of your life to be.. If you really want to be with someone who will never stand up for you and let his family belittle you every chance they seem to get?” FutureOk6751
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am a FIRM believer that when you move to another country, you adopt THAT country’s language, laws, customs, and culture. You are allowed to keep yours, and practice them at home and with family and share that with others. But from what you’ve written, you’re being forced to follow their customs and culture, while they get to completely ignore yours.
That’s not fair to you. The fact that all of this goes on while your husband sits idly by and lets it happen is pretty telling as well. Quite honestly you two need marriage counseling. He needs to either stand up for you, or you need to start doing some hard thinking.” Inner-Nothing7779
18. AITJ For Insisting My Friend Fix Her Payment System That Often Overcharges Me?
“I (25f) have been friends with Anna (26f) since college. In a happy coincidence, we accepted offers to PhD programs in the same large city.
Since we are students in a high-cost-of-living area, money is pretty tight for us both. Our financial situations aren’t identical, but they’re comparable.
Anna has a habit of spending somewhat above her means on drinks, travel, etc. Despite this, when we do activities together that are easier with one payment, she is quick to place her card down first; I believe this is because she gets good credit card points.
However, issues arise because she is very particular about how I can pay her back. I think to keep herself from spending money that she will need for bills, she refuses to accept any Venmo/cash/etc. for the cost of my portion of the bill until her next credit card statement comes in.
Then, she will Venmo request for what I owe, which she has set up to apply to her credit card debt.
This system works great for her, but it is difficult for me. First, I am unable to account for my own spending until nearly a month later, making budgeting difficult.
Second, she has a habit of sending requests that I believe are somewhat incorrect. The difficulty here is that by the time she requests the money, it is often so far after the event that it is hard to get a clear ruling, and she tends to get mad when I ask about the charges.
Other times, she requests payment without being transparent about it. For example, she accidentally left a 40% tip; I noticed the request was higher than expected. When I asked about it, she explained the situation, and I agreed to cover it because she’s my friend. However, I didn’t appreciate that she didn’t ask me about paying the extra cost, given that it was her fault.
I try to put my card down first, but it isn’t always possible. I often just eat the extra costs.
The latest situation: Recently we went on a trip together, where she had to arrange all the lodgings and transportation because it was via her university.
A month later, I received Venmo requests that were almost all a little off or not transparent about the costs. (For example, she requested me for gas including several days when I wasn’t there; I asked to pay proportionally, and she grudgingly agreed.) The final straw though was when I agreed to pay parking for longer than I was there (stayed 3.5 days, offered to pay 4 days), but she instead charged me 4.5 days.
My money philosophy is generally “I got your coffee this time; you’ll get mine another time.” But with Anna, I’m quite fed up. The difference was only $4 between the totals, but I insisted she fix it because I was sick of overpaying, and she refused. She called me a jerk and cheap to start a fight over such a small amount.
I ultimately gave her the money to end the conflict, but we’re both clearly mad and haven’t spoken in days. I may be the jerk because I could afford the difference, and I don’t think she’s doing it on purpose. But I think she is a jerk for using her money system at the expense of her friends.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That sounds exhausting to deal with. I would strongly suggest you stop sharing costs with her. Most restaurants these days are willing to offer separate checks. If you really must share costs and she insists on using her card, you need to insist on agreeing to the amount in advance.” BlaineTog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she is probably using you to pay the interest coming from her credit card and overcharging you to pay for some of the things that she charged for herself. Next time you got out ask for separate checks and also all the receipts and split it down the middle in front of her.
Take a pic of all bills and put them in a separate folder.” Due-Cupcake6748
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds a bit to me like your friend has a bit of a grift going on here, adding a bit here and there to each transaction.
The fact that she can’t control her spending does not mean that you shouldn’t be able to pay her back the exact amount you owe right away, when you have the receipt in front of you and can confirm the exact amount. Definitely stop sharing expenses with her.” hannahkelli
In future, should you decide to dine or travel with her again, insist on separate checks. If she balks, tell her that you'll get it this time and she can pay you. If she refuses, you will know for sure that she's been stealing from you and intends to continue and then you can tell her to go pound sand. Real friends don't do things like this. She's despicable.
17. AITJ For Refusing To Sign A Responsibility Statement For My Online Friends Visiting My Country?
“So, my friends married and finally this month they will go on their honeymoon. They will visit multiple countries, including mine. We met about 3-4 years ago online, we talked and saw each other through web some times and now, it is finally time to meet in person!
As they will be staying in my country for a couple of weeks, I offered them my house, so we could spend more time together.
However, only a few weeks before their arrival, they say that in order to enter my country I need to sign a responsibility statement for Foreign Nationals and Borders Service, in which I inform my home address, the days they are staying and I confirm that I am responsible for them and I have to cover the costs monetarily if something goes wrong during their stay.
I was alarmed and not sure if I wanted to take that responsibility. And why, you might ask, aren’t they your friends after all? Well, in theory, yes. But do I REALLY know them? We met online, and there are so many scams nowadays that I don’t want to get burn for being naive and nice.
Furthermore, there were a few red flags (or some situations that I could be misinterpreting now as I am not very happy with what they are requesting of me). Not long ago, they mentioned that they wanted to have another citizenship (of my country or another).
Then, regarding this trip, they asked for my home address a few times… First, in order to have a phone card that works here, then to order something from Amazon…. (Why send it to my house, in a foreign country? Besides, it’s a really common and cheap object).
It is easy to falsify that responsibility statement, they could just fill the information needed and fake my signature. Their posture overall was kinda taking me for granted and way too comfortable.
I might be overthinking here….!
Anyway, I was clear with them and told them I was not feeling comfortable on signing that document as it is a huge responsibility.
I will gladly open my house to them, but I don’t want any problems with the law.
Of course, they got upset by this, saying that I am kinda ruining their honeymoon as without that document they can’t enter my country and I should not live my life in fear and blablabla… I get that they are mad, I get it.
I would be too. But, at the same time, I don’t want to take that risk. Also, their attitude was not the best, first they only advised me about that document only two weeks before their arrival and they kinda started to throw rocks instead of trying to reason me and reassuring me I have nothing to worry about.
The reason I am posting this here is to see other points of view, as mine could be biased. What do you think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You are 1000% right in protecting yourself from anything that could go wrong. You’re not overthinking it. The Amazon thing is very odd, and I don’t blame you for your uncertainty!
You are right to protect yourself and thinking this through, thoroughly is the absolute right thing to do. If it’s better for them to stay elsewhere then let them be. Real friends would understand you not being comfortable signing government documents and being responsible for people you only met online.
NTJ at all!” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a snide comment to make. They turned on you awfully quickly. They aren’t really your friends. They certainly aren’t very good friends. Please tell us you blocked them and aren’t planning on meeting them.” readytojudgeLOL
16. AITJ For Agreeing With My Father's Decision To Leave Me His Estate?
“This all started two months ago, my (36f) father (72m) informed me that he had completed his will and inheritance.
For some background, my mother (83f) was married before I was born and had two children, my sister (48f) and my brother (44m) before marrying my father. Their bio-father is alive and well and remarried, and my siblings are very close to their father. I’m extremely close to my dad, we are very alike personality wise and I struggled a lot growing up because I’m neurodivergent and have ADHD.
No one understood me except my father who has the same issues and tendencies.
My siblings and I are not close, we go months without talking, we like each other’s social media pics and such but we just don’t talk much. We were all treated the same way, with the same love and kindness from both my father and mother.
There’s no animosity we are just busy and live states away from one another.
My father is very well-off, he has two amazing pensions, he made sure my mother was able to retire very early when I was still in high school and he handles all of my retirement finances.
He’s an avid classic car collector and we have always bonded over that. My siblings are not very close with my father, they barely speak with him unless they’re visiting my mother and they don’t have the same bond my father and I do.
They have borrowed money in the past from him for houses and whatever else, he’s a very giving man so he always obliged.
My father decided in his will to leave everything to me and make me the executor of his will/estate. Part of this is to ensure that if he passes before my mother that I take care of her.
My mother at first didn’t know about this, but when she found out she was a little upset but understood my father’s reasoning. He said my sister and brother have a father that is going to leave them a business and quite a large amount of money as well, even if they have to split it up.
My brother understood and agreed but my sister is being very nasty about it. She’s texted me more in the past two weeks since she found out than she has in 5 years. I told her it’s not my decision and to take it up with my father if she feels she is entitled to something from him.
She says because I don’t have children I don’t need the money and whatever else.
My father told me specifically he didn’t put her on the will at all because of some comments she’s made about his car collection and what she wants to do with it when he passes.
I told her I agree with my father and I am going to be fair with everything. She called me a jerk and said I’m greedy and I don’t see them as family. I told her she’s the one who acts like she isn’t my family..
not even a happy birthday comment on social media for the last two years.
My mom is trying to have us get along but told me I need to be nicer to my sister because once my moms gone no one is going to keep the family together except us ladies.
So am I being the jerk by agreeing with my father?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your father’s money and his decision. Stop engaging with your sister about this at all. But your father should specifically mention the others in his will so as to make it clear he is not leaving them anything (helps with lawsuits).
Tell your mom that relationships need two people to participate. Your sister isn’t interested, so why should you?” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“OP as long as your father’s bases are covered regarding all of the legal ins and outs of all of his assets, then just ignore your sister and her sour grapes.
Greed does that to people – they can never have enough and never can take it with them to boot.” NumbersGuy22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom’s daughter has made it clear you and your father aren’t her family. Your dad is right; she and your brother will inherit from their father, your father has no obligation to them and it’s foolish of your sister to expect to inherit from him.” Emotional_Bonus_934
15. AITJ For Questioning Why My Son Wasn't Invited To His Best Friend's Birthday Party?
“So, first some backstory/context. My son is 7 and his “best friend”, who we’ll call George, have been friends for four years. They’ve both been to each others bday parties the last few years. I’m a single mom and my son is my only child so whenever I take him somewhere (skatepark, swimming, the park, the fair, local Waterpark, etc) I always invite George to come so my son has someone other than just me to have fun with.
We’ve also been invited to events at their house as well. We live across the street so the boys are ALWAYS playing together either here or there. They pretty much do everything together.
On to the issue… George’s bday is this Thursday so I was expecting to hear about his party soon, last week I even asked him what he wanted, present wise.
Well yesterday my son wanted to go outside and play and of course went over to ask if George could come outside. George’s dad answered the door and said that he wasn’t home. Ok, no biggie. My son came back home and decided to do something else for a bit.
After a little while I offered to go out front with my son to play since it was so nice outside. When we went out our other neighbors were out too (they have a daughter that my son likes to play with too). So my son asked if she could come out and play.
That’s when the bomb dropped. Her mom said that she was at George’s bday party! And asked why we weren’t there… now apparently their daughter, in her mother’s words, invited herself to go and George’s family said yes. So I thought, ‘Well maybe this party was just for family and he’ll have another party for his friends to come to’.
George has a pretty big family and they’ve done stuff like that before. So I figured I’d ask George today when I get him and my son from the bus stop.
So today, during our walk I asked George if he was having another party for friends and he said, no. Now according to him my son was supposedly invited. Since hearing that I’ve checked my phone to see if I missed a text or a call, which I haven’t.
I checked through our mail/mailbox to see if I missed an invitation, and didn’t find anything. I also thought back to yesterday when my son went over to ask if George could come outside and all his dad said was that he wasn’t home, deliberately leaving out that the party was about to happen soon, wherever it was taking place.
Now my son’s feelings are hurt. Heck, my feelings are hurt. I’m also pretty sure there’s no bad b***d because earlier today his dad texted me for a favor.
So WIBTJ if I asked his family why my son wasn’t invited?”
Another User Comments:
“Well, I suppose NTJ, but this feels like a moment of “Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.” I’d tread carefully. It could have been a simple oversight, or the kids could be outgrowing each other. Or maybe there IS bad b***d you aren’t aware of (yet).
So do what you must to resolve this in one way or another, but just be prepared for whatever answers may come. Whatever you do, just remember you’re an influence for your kid. Teach him how to handle disappointment and conflict in a healthy productive way.
He’s going to be watching you every step.” ThisIsTheCaptain
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for asking the 7 year old instead of his parents! That’s a really awkward, uncomfortable position to put him in. It’s entirely possible he didn’t invite your son on purpose, but is he really going to tell that to his parent?
I had a neighborhood friend like this growing up, and at a certain point I stopped wanting to really be that close to her and it was really hard to disentangle myself from the friendship because she and our families always assumed we wanted to do everything together.
It would be reasonable to reach out to his parents and just check in and say you noticed your son wasn’t invited and it’s totally fine if he wants to dial down the amount of time they spend together, just let you know. But don’t act offended and definitely don’t involve the kid directly.” Outrageously_Penguin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am reticent to ask why in these types of cases. I think since the dad said George was not home during his party, it’s a signal that your son was intentionally not invited for some reason. I would encourage your son to ask George directly.
To tell George that it hurt his feelings to not be invited to his birthday party and to ask George if he did something to upset him. But if you don’t get a good resolution, I would maybe consider not doing any more favors for that family.” friendlily
14. AITJ For Reconnecting With My Aunt And Changing My Phone Plan Without My Mom's Approval?
“I, 22F, got disowned by my mother, 42F, a few months ago.
My mother and I’s relationship has never been perfect.
I grew up primarily around my aunt, Tracy (40F) and her (now) husband, Bob (53M), (this is important for later) as Tracy and my mom grew up together since they share a dad (my grandpa) and lived in the same town.
I loved my aunt Tracy and I was even nicknamed after her nickname.
After my sister’s birth my mom wanted to move us down south. While she was house hunting, we stayed with Tracy’s mom. After my sister stole some jewelry, Tracy and my mom disagreed and to this day still don’t talk.
Once I went to college near my hometown, I reconnected with Tracy after 8 years. Safe to say it was incredibly emotional, and I had missed her dearly. Even now she’s my closest aunt and we just have an understanding and love for each other I never had with my mom.
When my mom found out I reconnected with Tracy, she wasn’t happy. She was even less happy when I stayed with Tracy after my school shut down. My mom also never missed a chance to throw my relationship with Tracy in my face when we argued, saying things like “go talk bad about me to Tracy since I’m so terrible” or, after Tracy posted a picture of me with my license captioned “daughter from another mother”, she started using those exact words, never mind that my best friend’s mom posts pics of me with that same caption and has for the last 12 years.
Fast forward and I recently have been going through financial hardships and was cutting things out that were too expensive, like the $80 phone bill I pay with my mom even though my phone is fully paid for. I let her know I was switching to a new plan (didn’t say with who) and asked for her cooperation (this was a month or two after a spat prior to my graduation, which she didn’t attend).
She acted like she was in my corner but when I asked for my transfer pin, she left me on read. I messaged her the same thing three days in a row, watched as she read it until the last day when she snapped and said not to rush her and that she was busy and she would get back to me on her own time.
I told her I had politely asked for it (granted it took three click to get and I should already have access since I’m 22 and pay my bill) and she ignored me with no response. After an argument, I gave up on keeping my number, got a new number through Tracy’s line and decided to take a break from her and give her my number later.
Not even a week later I get an email from my mom saying something along the lines of this: “You could have told me you switched plans. I see where I stand. You can tell people I’m dead. You have your mother from another mother anyways.” We went back and forth after this, with me texting her from my new number and her blowing up my email.
Eventually, at my aunts’ advice, I just ignored her emails. I haven’t talked to her since.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mother is expecting you to continue a fight she’s busy having that has nothing to do with you. That makes your mom the jerk.
Manipulation isn’t ok at any age, and your mom is an adult. If she wants to disown you over this, she’s certainly entitled to do so, but you aren’t required to care. Enjoy your time with your aunt.” BeautifulPhantom1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom sounds toxic, narcissistic and a drama queen.
Sounds very familiar in fact. I know I’m pointing out the obvious, but what did she expect when she didn’t give you the pin. She sounds like someone who is only happy when she has something to complain about so in a weird way, you have given her what she wants: victimhood and martyrdom.” Temporary-King3339
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kinda a weird situation. Three possibilities: 1. Your mom is one of these bad parents and your aunt is not. 2. You are in between a long brewing fight between two sisters and do not know what mess was in both your mom’s and aunt’s past. So the whole stealing thing might have been the last straw.
Or you mom felt threatened since her sister usurped kinda the mother role from the start. Willingly or not, I don’t know. 3. A mixture of both” Complex_Machine6189
Your best revenge is to stick with the "mother" who loves you unconditionally, and let your mother go pound sand. Because the one thing a narcissist hates more than anything else is to see other people happy. And because they're not and never will be, they will take every opportunity to attack and demoralize you until you're just as unhappy as they are. Don't do it, and don't let her win.
13. AITJ For Telling My Daughter Not To Spend Her Own Money On Her Classroom?
“I’m a first grade teacher and my daughter is a preschool teacher. She’s a second year teacher. She was a teaching assistant for a year while she got the credits required to teach.
Her school opened a second location with one classroom and she currently runs the location from 12-6:30 every day.
When she started working at the school, I noticed she was running to the dollar tree or Walmart to grab little things for her classroom like hair ties, stickers, beads, and string.
She said she didn’t mind because it was all cheap and made her job easier. Then when she got her own classroom, she really started looking on next-door and buy nothing and shopping for her classroom more often. She got 24 outfits to store in her class (3 in each size from 2-5 for boys and girls) in case the parents forget to send new clothes, she has a box of pull ups in case a kid has an accident and doesn’t have a spare pair of clothes, she has extra snacks, she has extra jackets and socks, a pack of combs and brushes, extra nap bedding, and bins of what she calls “stalling activities” (easy things she can pull out when she needs to stall).
She even has Halloween costumes in case one of her students doesn’t have one and she gives away the blankets and jackets if she thinks a student needs them.
I told her that all of this is excessive and she should leave it up to the owner of the school to get these things.
She said the owner says these things aren’t necessary but they don’t cost much and they make her classroom run smoother. I told her that if the owner says it’s unnecessary, don’t get these things and let her see how the class runs without them.
I told her I don’t spend any money on my classroom and that if my principal isn’t willing to buy it, the kids don’t need it. She says it’s different because I work at a $30k+ per year private school and she teaches in a more lower income community but I still told her it’s not her responsibility.
I also told her that her buying stuff for her classroom makes all of us that don’t look bad but she doesn’t care.
She’s upset with me for being pushy but I’m just doing what’s best for her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ! You’re really NOT doing what’s best for her.
You’re doing what’s best for you! She, literally, told you it helps her classroom run smoother, she doesn’t mind, and it works for HER! Why do you feel the need to control your daughter, HER career and how she chooses to run it? Why would you choose to be unsupportive?
You obviously raised a selfless, kind, generous and upstanding woman and you’re literally trying to force your ways onto her to be the opposite. Just why? Because YOU wouldn’t do it? Says more about you than her. YTJ!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – she sounds wonderful and giving and kind and is going to truly make a difference in her kids lives.
This doesn’t make you look bad, if anything it makes you look better than you deserve since people will incorrectly assume she learned this from her parents.” OrangeCubit
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s none of your business what she does, and, contrary to what you seem to believe, it doesn’t affect you in any way.
Someone looking good doesn’t automatically make everyone else look bad. If you were more secure in yourself as a teacher, you wouldn’t be discouraging your daughter.” Wide-Heron-1015
12. AITJ For Not Going On My Friends' Birthday Trip Because They Invited Their Partners?
“My (23M) 3 friends (all male 22 to 24) have this tradition we’ve done since we met 3 years ago where we go for two of our friends birthday, we take a weeklong vacation somewhere fun. It used to align with fall break when we were in college but we still wanted to take it even though we’re all graduated now.
When each one of us graduated, we all moved to different parts of the country to look for work in our respective career fields.
I’m not going to lie. It’s been so lonely without them and I’m really struggling, I’m having so much trouble trying to meet new people and I honestly don’t have any new friends.
I was so excited for our trip which was going to be last week. However, I ended up not going.
So the plan was for it to be a boys trip. Just the four of us living it up like we used to every week.
That was until about 2 months out when one of the guys asked if it was okay for him to bring his partner along with. I wasn’t okay with this as I wanted it to be a boys trip, but everyone else was fine and decided that they also wanted to bring their partners.
So I don’t dislike any of their partners. Their partners are fine and all, I just don’t like hanging out with them or my friends when they’re with them. They change, they go from being “my friend” to “her partner” and it’s like they’re entirely different people.
Like they’re putting on airs for their partners.
I also don’t like hanging out because it goes from a boys trip to a couples trip, where everyone except me has a partner for every activity they wanna do. It’s isolating. To top it off back in college they all had habits of doing PDA and would sneak off to do whatever together and it’s weird.
So I told them that I thought it was just gonna be a boys trip. They all said it would be just as fun with their partners and that they don’t wanna leave their partners alone and that “when I finally get a partner I’ll see what they mean”.
This stung me because it’s something they know I’m insecure about since I’ve never had a partner. I said that it’s been almost a year since we were all together and that they all see their partners every day. I was outvoted and partners were invited.
So I was still planning on going and just trying my best to enjoy myself until plans started changing. They wanted to switch things up go different places sacrifice things we all wanted to do and add in thing that the girls wanted to do and I kinda had it.
I didn’t want to pay money to go on a trip where I would be the 7th wheel so I backed out.
They were all upset and said that it wouldn’t be a good trip if all of us weren’t there and that they all really wanted to see me.
I told them that it’s just a couples trip now and that I would see them they wanted to have a guys trip. It was hard for me to not go but I really don’t think I would’ve felt comfortable or enjoyed myself.
The trip was last week and they just got back and no one’s responding to my texts.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say NTJ. You expressed yourself, they assured you it’d be ok, they proceeded to do exactly what you feared by changing the trip, again you expressed your concerns and feelings, they ignored them.
Then to follow it up they say something that they have been told is an insecurity. I’m sorry dude, yeah they screwed you over. As far as fault it’s solely on them. The partners for all you know were just invited or maybe even asked to go but your friends are the ones who should be putting you first. They didn’t, and haven’t.
I’m sorry you’ve been dumped to the wayside.” KristyLoui
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You had expectations of a ‘boys trip’ and that’s not what happened. Their presence changes the dynamic, and doesn’t match with the trip you signed up for. Doesn’t matter if it’s their partners, their cousins, their coworkers – the fact is that it’s not a trip that was planned as the dynamic changes when it’s not the original 4.” HeirOfRavenclaw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I don’t like to do things with friends when everybody except from me has their partner around. It’s just annoying and I had stuff like that happen as well. My friend and me deciding to go watch a certain movie on the weekend and then his partner having to come with us and then dictating which movie we are watching.
It’s honestly annoying and especially when the partner is clingy you don’t really have anything of the time with your friends cause it’s not time with friends, but with someone’s partner.” Business-Homework821
11. AITJ For Refusing To Enable My Addict Brother's Behavior?
“My (42F) younger brother (37M) is a substance addict who is currently homeless and living in the car I pay for.
My brother and his former partner had a kid in 2010. They were living with my parents to save money for a house. Ten years later they were still there, both employed but didn’t save a dime and used my parents for free housing, food and childcare.
In 2018 we began to notice his partner seemed off sometimes. Then she lost her job as a physician’s assistant, actually she quit because they were going to test her. After that she couldn’t hold down a job and let her nursing license expire.
Eventually it got so bad that my parents had the police remove her from their house in 2021. She was in possession of substances at the time and highly intoxicated. This forced my brother to get a place of their own so they could be together.
They were evicted from several places for not paying rent and after the third eviction she took off and abandoned her child and my brother. According to docket sheets she gets public intoxication and disorderly conduct charges frequently in the next town over.
My brother’s habit of stealing got worse.
He pawned my dad’s baseball card collections, stole their debit card numerous times, stole cash, and entered their home when they weren’t there to loot for things to pawn. My parents changed the locks, got a wall safe and have an order from police that he is not permitted on their property but that rarely stops him.
He has two DUIs, substance possession charges, theft charges, and nearly a dozen citations for driving while his license is suspended. He lost his job again and is living in his car. His child is living with the ex-partner’s parents.
He vehemently denies being an addict.
He says he takes Percocet once in a while and it’s no different than someone drinking a few glasses of wine to relax. He blames his situation either on the DUI and not having a reliable way to get to work or his own family.
He says hateful things to me when I don’t give in to his pleas for money. He believes I enjoy watching him suffer because I can afford to give him money but refuse. Before his addiction we had a good relationship and he has to know deep down that I am not someone who puts others down to boost my ego.
I know I’m supposed to love him and be supportive. I am not supposed to yell at him or tell him what he needs to do because he has to want it for himself. It’s just so hard because he has this victim mentality and no matter what happens it isn’t his fault.
Last week he wanted $20 to take his child to KFC. When I said no, he said it was good to know I was going to be the reason his child didn’t get to see him that week. I know it’s a manipulation tactic to get money.
It always is some sob story.
How do I help someone who constantly tells me I’m a terrible person and everything is my fault? This has ripped our family apart but I feel that ending contact with him is my only choice.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He needs to hit rock bottom. Helping him enables him. You can’t love an addict clean. They simply have to want to be clean. He is the reason he doesn’t see his kid, not the 20 bucks he doesn’t have to go to KFC, which you know is likely a lie.
Cut him off, give him an ultimatum, and stand firm.” True-Mousse4957
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Although you are going to have to appear to be one if you ever want this to stop and him to get better. Dealing with the same thing with an addict sibling.
Anything you do that puts you in a good headspace only enables them. You have to be the jerk and risk their condemnation for any meaningful progress to get made. I cut mine off completely after one such occurrence and while I feel like crap about it, I know it’s the only way.
Do yourself and him a favor and sever ties. Be the jerk even though you aren’t. Until it gets better. It’s the only way.” Eggs-erroneous
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You love him and support him. Your support is not enabling him. Sometimes you need to let people fall hard to make them want to change.
You can’t really help someone who takes no responsibility of their action. I recommend to go no contact to save your mental health.” Danube_Kitty
10. AITJ For Selling My Inherited Family House Without Offering It To My Family First?
“My grandfather left his house to my aunt. The house had been in the family since it was built in 1939.
My aunt had taken care of my grandparents late in life, and they had left the house to her because (a) my uncle had taken his part of his inheritance when he was younger and (b) my father was in a more stable financial position at the time and was willing to cede his portion of the inheritance.
One of my cousins briefly lived at the home with his partner, but they ultimately moved out.
Years later, I was looking for a house with my ex, and had enquired about the house. My aunt was willing to sell the house to me for $73k (2/3rds of the fair market value at the time) because my aunt was more stable and felt obligated to my father to cover for his 1/3 of the inheritance from the house to help make the house more affordable for me at the time, as I was having a difficult time financially.
Eventually my ex and I split up and I paid her back the portion of the down payment she’d contributed. I eventually got accepted to grad school, started seeing another woman, graduated, ended up married and started working.
My wife and I have put a lot of work into the house, and had intended on staying with numerous renovations, but after having spent over $15k on plans and a land survey and getting nothing but quotes north of $400k, my wife and I started looking and the right home became available.
I discussed the matter with my cousin, who recognized the awkwardness of the situation with my aunt. He suggested giving her the option of purchasing the house, which I thought was reasonable.
The following morning, I got an angry message on Instagram from my cousin’s wife accusing me of stealing my cousins’ inheritance, asking what I did to deserve getting the house for such a reduced price, and taking advantage of my aunt’s guilt over receiving the entire inheritance to turn the house for a profit.
She effectively said no one in the family trusts me anymore and called my wife a gold digger.
The short of it was that we weren’t yet even sure how to broach the topic with my aunt, let alone the ethical ramifications of selling a family house that was sold at a discount — it hadn’t crossed my mind that the right thing to do might be to gauge my family’s interest in re-acquiring the house.
I did eventually speak with my aunt regarding the house and offered to sell it back to her for the sale value of $73k (well below the current market value), and responded that she had no interest. She also stated unprompted that she had sold the house to me at that price due to the arrangement with my father as a favor.
I even went out of my way to call my cousins individually to offer them the house for the previous sale price of $73k. Neither had any interest.
AITJ for not initially considering the possibility of selling the house back to my family? Does offering the house to them after the fact make any amends?
Should I give them the profit from the house after it is sold?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As far as I can tell your first thought was to offer first refusal to your aunt, the rest of them really have no say in this. Your aunt did you a favor when you bought it, your cousin didn’t and certainly your cousin’s wife didn’t.
I wouldn’t have offered it at the original price either. Once a house is bought out, it’s bought out. Gaslighting you that no one trusts you because you stole something you didn’t, objecting to you selling it rather than giving it to her, projecting her own gold diggery.
She’s gotta be difficult.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you don’t have to offer it below market price. Your aunt had an arrangement with your father that resulted in a discount for you. She effectively owed your father and wanted to pay it back by helping you.
Unless you owe any of your extended family something of equal value, you aren’t morally required to give them a discount. Your cousin’s wife seems entitled and her comments were certainly inappropriate.” Helpful_Hour1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Cousin’s wife is projecting. Your dad graciously gave up his inheritance to his sister when she really needed it and then she returned the favor.
You owe those relatives nothing. Not only that you’ve put your own money and labor into making it a nice place to live. I wonder what the home value would be without everything you put into it.” Wicked_Fox
9. AITJ For Siding With My Aunt When She Excluded My Sister From A Family Trip?
“I’m 18F. My older sister is 26. We are half sisters, as we share the same dad. We are the only kids to our dad. Our dad and her mom were once married (I wasn’t born obviously) and when they divorced my sister lived with her mom 99% of the time.
She grew up 4 hours away from us. I only saw her a week out of the year growing up. She would attend some holidays with our dad’s side of the family. Once she graduated high school, (9 years ago) she lived with our dad and I was seeing her all the time.
That’s when we built our relationship. My mom and dad live in the same city so I’ve always lived 50/50 with my parents.
So we have an aunt and uncle on our side that I basically grew up with. Ever since I was 6 I’ve been staying summers with them out of state up until this year.
They also have a son I’m 2 years apart from. They tried to have my sister for summers when she was a child but because of whatever she never got to. The past 9 years my sister is finally around enough, just like I’ve been my whole life.
I graduated this year and had a party our dad’s side attended. My uncle (our dad’s brother) booked a trip for us to go to Hawaii. His family and me. And I didn’t know my sister didn’t know. I didn’t want to bring it up at all.
When our cousin brought it up at my party my sister asked out loud “you guys are going to Hawaii???” And it became awkward. Our uncle and aunt kinda rushed in a room and I just quickly said yea and walked away from the topic.
I saw my aunt take her in a room and talk to her, I didn’t know what they talked about nor did I ask- until my sister reached out to me yesterday.
Basically she said she’s had time to think about that day and said our aunt told her that she’s an afterthought because they didn’t get to build a relationship with her when she was young.
And because of “lost time” things are kinda the way they are. My sister said to our aunt that since she’s been around the family more now it’s ridiculous she excluded over such a thing she had no control over. She told me that she doesn’t appreciate them playing favorites and excluding her and making excuses for it.
Also that she didn’t care about not going to Hawaii, it’s the point. When they claim they wish they were closer to her. She said that they are potentially putting a wedge between us by doing things like this, and that as her sister, I should know how she feels.
I told her this had nothing to do with me, and that our Aunt has a point with her childhood being the biggest reason things are the way they are. I also told her she was wrong for thinking our aunt was playing favoritism.
She told me it’s a shame I don’t see an issue with this.
And that she looks at me different for siding with my aunt. Which I’m not even doing. She said she clearly can’t talk to me about how she feels and it’s crazy how I’m siding with someone that really hurt her.
Ugh just drama. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. In fact, the only person who isn’t a jerk here is your sister. You’re one for undermining her feelings. That’s a bad thing to do. Your aunt and uncle are one for holding her childhood against her.
She had no control over where she spent her time, but she’s the one getting blamed and being told she’s an afterthought. What the actual. Your dad is the biggest jerk. He failed her. He failed to be a father to her. You can’t be any sort of decent parent if you only see your kid 1% of the time.” Disastrous-Nail-640
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Your sister was telling you that she felt sidelined in the current situation. Which she was. She was telling you that as her sister she expected you to speak up for her when she was excluded from family things. Which you didn’t.
You said that you didn’t know initially that she wasn’t invited on the trip, but when you found out rather than acting like an adult you tried to avoid the situation until it blew up in your faces. She’s been around for a decade. Which is more than enough time to forge meaningful relationships if anyone but her was putting in the effort to do so.
Your aunt and uncle were astoundingly bad here. This was clearly favoritism, and you acting like it’s not is just pathetic.” Select_Abrocoma8179
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. From what you’ve written, your sister advocated for herself in a very clear way to your aunt – impressive.
Your sister then shared this with you…and you dismissed her. ‘I told her this had nothing to do with me, and that our Aunt has a point with her childhood being the biggest reason things are the way they are. I also told her she was wrong for thinking our aunt was playing favoritism.’ This is such jerk behaviour.
You ARE taking your aunt’s side. Your sister is absolutely correct.” happybanana134
8. AITJ For Spending Time With Friends Before Joining Family Thanksgiving Dinner?
“I (M18) live partly with my mom and partly with my dad. We all live in Canada, so Thanksgiving weekend is this weekend, and the actual Thanksgiving Day is tomorrow (Monday). This year, I’m celebrating on my dad’s side. My dad has a partner, and I have a half-sister – we share the same dad.
On Friday, I told both my dad and step-mom that I have plans to hangout with my friends on Sunday – one of these friends is living/going to university about an hour and a half away from where I live, and he was coming back home to see his family for Thanksgiving.
On Sunday, before my friends came and got me, I heard that we were supposed to be having Thanksgiving dinner with my step-mom’s family later. I also heard word that my step-mom would be at her family’s house from 3-6 – eating dinner towards the end of her visit – and then head off to work at 6:30.
I was however under the impression that my dad would be going there too, but around 4:30 instead.
My friends picked me up at 12:15pm, and then they brought me back home at 4:30. However, I had realized too late that my dad was also at the family’s house at this time (he ended up going with my step-mom at 3) so I was home alone.
My dad texted saying that they’d be eating dinner soon, and that he could pick me up around 6, because he would be picking up my half sister from her mom’s around that time. He told me that there was food in the fridge that I could have, leading me to believe that the family was going to eat Thanksgiving dinner without me.
So, I texted back, asking him if I should just bike over. It was only a 20-30min bike ride to get there, however, the temperature was only ~6°C (or ~43°F), and there was some moderate freezing rain outside, so I was adamant. However, I didn’t get a response.
And I didn’t want my dad or step-mom to be upset with me being absent from the family dinner because I was with my friends. So, I started biking there at 4:45.
I make it at around 5:10, and see everybody there. My dad and step-mom were shocked to see me and everyone else was shocked to find out that I had biked there while it was raining.
But my dad and step-mom didn’t seem upset in any way. My dad left to go pick up my half sister at 6. While he was gone, dinner ended up being served at around 6:15 (despite my dad saying that it would be ready soon over an hour and a half prior).
My step-mom quickly ate, and then left for work at around 6:30 – my dad returning a few minutes later with my half-sister.
We ate, hung out for a bit, and then went home. Before bed though, my dad told me that it was embarrassing, rude, and disappointing that I had ditched the family to be with friends instead of with my family on Thanksgiving weekend.
I didn’t think there was any harm done, due to the fact that I still saw the family, ate dinner with them, and went out of my way to bike through the freezing rain to be there. I don’t think what I did was a jerk move.
However, I could be wrong. So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ How were you to know unless he’d told you prior to you going over to your friends’ place that he didn’t want you to go? Don’t you just hate it when you’re expected to read someone’s mind?
And when you can’t, you get in trouble for it!” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re an adult at an age where people spend more time with your friends Here the fault lies with your dad and step mom for not telling you about the Sunday plans a few days before and not giving you accurate times; had you known, you could’ve adjusted your timing with your friends or had them drop you off wherever you went for dinner.” Emotional_Bonus_934
Another User Comments:
“My dad texted saying that they’d be eating dinner soon, and that he could pick me up around 6, because he would be picking up my half sister from her mom’s around that time. He told me that there was food in the fridge that I could have, leading me to believe that the family was going to eat Thanksgiving dinner without me.>* So why did you bike over?
I mean, he didn’t even text where you were when they left at 3. They were shocked to see you arrive. The whole vibe from your story is that you were not supposed to eat with your stepmom’s family. So your question “AITJ for “*ditching the family” during Thanksgiving weekend?*” is more like AITJ for imposing myself during my sepmom’s family dinner.
It seems NTJ to me, but your dad and stepmom are for poor communication.” DoIwantToKnow6417
7. AITJ For Refusing To Buy A New Suit For Homecoming To Save Money?
“My high school Homecoming is this Saturday and I decided that I wanted to go again because the first time I went it wasn’t that fun. Wanting to make better memories I ask my mom if I can go but she says I have to pay for my ticket, I was a little upset but it wouldn’t hurt my account, I have a little over $416 in my savings that I’m using to by a monitor (Not buying it until I have around $800 so my savings isn’t empty) The ticket was $16.25 so I got over it quick
My mom asks me what I’m going to wear and I say “Oh, I’m just going to use the same one from last year, I can probably still fit it”. She gets upset because I’m not going all out even though I don’t like being the center of attention nor do I have a date to even put in the effort to look that good.
They all look the same but with a different price tag anyway
My mom then tries to tell me that I’m making a mistake and how I need a better suit so I’m not wearing something different, I ask her how I’m going to pay for it because I’m saving for a new computer and I have to be cheap for a little bit so I can replace my slow buggy computer, I’ve sent it to get repaired but it came back worse so I gave up.
I ask her if she’s going to pay for it and she gets upset and tell me that I have to buy it, I offer that we split the cost and she declines again so I tell her. “Mom, if you aren’t going to help me buy it I’m not going to buy a whole new suit.
I’m just going to reuse my last suit, I really don’t need to buy anything else if it still fits, at most I need a new shirt.” If it wasn’t obvious I hate buying new clothes and only buy something if the other one is ripped or worn down.
This suit was only put on once so I’m ok with using it again.
I don’t know how much she brought it for because she refused to tell me the price all I know that it wasn’t cheap
She told me that she just wanted her young man to be well dressed and I said I felt well dressed. She then got my sister on my case and thought that I should buy a cheap suit at the least and tried to guilt trip me into going with her.
Once again I said No, and said that I should go to the last store we went to when I brought the suit but I declined because the workers tried to make me look flamboyant and their inputs were uncomfortable to wear and rarely fit.
So I picked a white shirt and black pants in my size at random so I could go home and luckily it was perfect. So now my mom and sister think I’m being a picky jerk about it because I don’t want to go clothes shopping with them and buy something with my money.
They’ve been trying to convince me that It was worth it for the past week
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, there is nothing wrong with wearing a suit more than once. No one will notice or even care. I’m so confused by this odd behavior from your mother.
Keep saving for your computer, it is a much wiser decision than another suit you will wear once.” No_Mathematician2482
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother (and sister) are way too invested in your clothes and have no right to pressure you or make you spend your money on things that don’t matter to you.
In the future, when you DO want to go shopping, maybe try looking in a used clothing store? You are not your mother’s “Young Man” doll for her to dress up as she wants.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s understandable that you have your savings goals and prefer not to spend on a new outfit especially if the old one still fits and you are comfortable in it.
It’s your homecoming and you should be able to enjoy it in a way that makes sense to you financially and comfort-wise. It would have been different if your mother offered to cover the cost for a new outfit since it was her suggestion. It’s always good to have open communication about financial boundaries and personal preferences with family.” Chris_Cold_5539
6. AITJ For Not Paying Child Support Until A Custody Order Is In Place?
“My partner and I had a baby 6 months ago and we hadn’t actually been together for that long before baby was here but we made it work. Last month we had a falling out that ended with me leaving to spend time with my family which we both agreed would be good since I had kind of displaced myself from my friends and family in order for her to be around her support system during pregnancy/baby being born.
I’m from about 7 hours away from her hometown in the same state though. After about a week I thought it would be a good time to come back. She said she didn’t really want me to come back so I said ok no problem.
I got a job in my hometown a week into being here. We kind of decided to make it work again when I went to our place to grab my things but ultimately decided it would be good for us to go to couples therapy and individual therapy first before we try to cohabitate again since there’s clearly issues we both need to work on.
We agreed I would contribute a set amount since I would be staying there when I would come down until that time comes and to keep our place.
Since then sometimes days are good and we talk a lot, other days not so much since we are in this weird relationship spot.
Things took a turn last week when I got upset about her not wanting our son to come up here for my birthday because I would “keep him” and essentially kidnap him. I told her that this was not a worry to be had if we are technically together.
I asked why she thought I would jeopardize the relationship like that. Which she replied that because of a comment I had made regarding custody that if there is no order in place then it’s basically free game regarding who is “keeping” a child in CA.
I told her we are not in a relationship if that is a legitimate fear.
I said that if that is the case then we aren’t together and if she needs a custody order for me to take him for a weekend, under that same pretense, I should not pay any contributions to the household until there is a child support order in place to properly assess what I should contribute.
She says that she will put a CO in place, which she seems to be dragging her feet on if I’m being honest but I could be wrong. I filed a child support case against myself last week because I am not avoiding financial responsibility over a disagreement.
She’s since then told me that I can see him in 2 weeks which then turned into I will not be able to see our son until custody is established. I ended up caving since I was going to do this off the books anyways and especially after hearing no physical visitation with our son till the CO is set and sent the amount we agreed on previously.
I know there’s frustration and impatience issues I have to deal with but this seems to be a little out of hand on her end. Should I have been nicer and said “yes I’m so excited to have the both of you up here” instead of saying I was mostly excited to take our son to a sporting event?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone seems to be in the wrong here but there are seems to be information missing. Why would you make a comment about “free game” over a baby? And for her to react that strongly appears to signal a real concern. Someone said stop playing games and that is the best advice.
Let the court sort it out.” Frequent_Ad_3797
Another User Comments:
“Everyone seems to be in the wrong here. This is a very confused setup. You decided to cohabit together but 7 hours away from each other, but you’re not together, so you won’t contribute to your child’s financial needs unless someone (the court) “makes” you?
And you’re planning to be together but you’re filing custody agreements (which would tend to indicate that you’re planning not to be together)? You agreed to contribute a “set amount because you would be staying there sometimes” – which sounds ike rent/utilities, as it only equates to costs when you’re there.
But now you sound like you’re not going to be there. Honestly really hard to comment on this, because it sounds like neither of you actually want to be together, and she wants to be the one to raise the child and is afraid of you taking it away.
So, maybe figure out what you actually want, AND, regardless of that, accept that you have created a life that you now have a financial and social responsibility for.” Independent_Rain4838
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. Kids are most likely to be kidnapped by parents I would freak out and want an official custody order too.
Plenty of parents co-parent without court orders but I suspect she hadn’t thought about you kidnapping the baby until you mentioned it and that’s why she did a 180″ Mean-Impress2103
5. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize After My Daughter Mocked Store-Bought Food?
“My husband loves cooking. He goes all out for dinners and even his lazy meals can seem extravagant at times so our children have a mature palette. He especially loves when we have guests that’s when he goes all out for sure, he plans his meal in advance and gets extremely excited.
My husband and I had a dinner with our friends and our kids. My husband made us Arabic salad & garlic bread on the side with mashed potatoes and braised duck served with a sauce. When everyone came we had 3 parents and 7 children. My husband and I served everyone food and everyone was complimenting it but my husband noticed one of my friends let’s call her Melissa child (6) not eating so he asked him if he didn’t like the food and he nodded his head no and Melissa chimed in and said he doesn’t have a mature palette and my husband said sorry, we have more mashed potatoes maybe he can eat it without the sauce Melissa said he doesn’t eat mash.
My husband said that’s fine I can microwave or make him something quick. Melissa said thank you and told him frozen chicken nuggets would be good my husband said oh we don’t eat frozen food but how about cereal, pp&j/ grilled cheese or leftover spaghetti bolognese and she said cereal.
The next thing that happened my husband served the ice cream and carrot cake. Mellisa’s other son (8) said this ice cream was soo good. My daughter (4) said me and my daddy made it we don’t eat the store-bought junk. (This is my fault. I was mocking my husband earlier asking him what he was making and he said ice cream and I said in a sarcastic way that we are too good for store-bought junk huh.
It was a force of habit, me and my husband thought that if we don’t point out we used a bad word our daughter would not notice and obviously we were wrong but I am a 100% sure she didn’t say it with any bad intentions.
) and everyone laughed.
Now yesterday I received a call from Melissa saying she felt like me and my husband were looking down on her and mommy shaming her because we said we don’t eat frozen food. I was just about to apologize because I never want to make someone feel mommy shamed until this woman said she feels sorry for my daughter because she can already see my snobbishness and self-centeredness spreading to her because of that comment my daughter made about junk ice cream.
And that’s where I draw a line. I told her to not mention my daughter’s name when wanting to address me and she shouldn’t worry about feeling inferior because she will never be invited to my home again.
Our friends decided to get involved and they keep saying that I should apologize because they don’t want to be left in the middle of it and they feel like I was wrong because I should have known the food was too mature for a kid’s palette.
I honestly don’t care. I have friends outside of this friend group and honestly don’t mind cutting them off. I know this might be an exaggerated reaction but I am very sensitive about my daughter and want to know if I am overreacting.”
Another User Comments:
“I feel like it’s totally fair that someone could interpret “we don’t eat frozen food” as opposed to “we don’t have chicken nuggets” as a dig. Your daughter also sounded like she was repeating something snobby that she had overheard.
Your friend is out of line for passing judgment on a 4yo though. I feel like everyone sucks here.” YesPleaseDont
Another User Comments:
“If you’re fine losing your friend because you refuse to acknowledge that your daughter said something rude, fine. It was rude, regardless of whether your daughter understood that it was or not.
That means you ARE the one who should apologize. So yes, I think you’re the jerk. It’s pretty silly that your husband decided to make all this fancy food knowing that there would be more kids in attendance than adults as well.” lihzee
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. It sounds like you do judge other people with regards to what they eat and your daughter is learning it. As for the chicken nuggets, your husband could have simply said we don’t have any and offered the choices on hand.
Your friend went too far in my opinion but you are the bigger jerk for not taking other people’s likes into consideration when inviting them over for dinner and making judgmental comments.” Hopeful-Chipmunk6530
And the ice cream comment was just that - a comment. Melissa is the jerk, especially with the "you should have known that the food was too mature for a kid's pallette (sic).", when only her kid out of the seven in attendance had a problem with the menu. If she wants to not parent her kid and feed him nothing but frozen chicken nuggets at home, that's her choice, but to criticize the menu when you've brought the kid you've not bothered to raise and blame the menu? Nah, that's not on. OP did nothing wrong, except invite Melissa and her spawn.
4. AITJ For Refusing To Let Movers Block My Paid Parking Spot?
“So I genuinely don’t understand people anymore, because these people did this with such a level of cheek, I’m almost wondering if everyone thinks this is okay and I’m being unreasonable here…
So I live in a residential area of Berlin, Germany.
I pay a relatively large amount comparatively to rent a parking space at my apartment. I moved here about 6 months ago. When I moved I was told to contact the local governing body to apply for a temporary “Parkverbot” (parking ban) for an area on the street so that the movers would have space to park the truck on the street.
We did this.
Now there is someone else moving into the building. I came home yesterday from work and saw that they had parked the mover’s truck on the sidewalk blocking access to my (and other people’s) parking spaces. I guess fair enough to park there at first, but when I mentioned they were blocking my parking spot, they told me to park somewhere else.
The rest of the street was full of cars and there was nowhere else to park except for rather far away from the apartment. Not only that, but the area where was available to park is an area where you have to remove cars by 6am.
There is a sign and I know that they police it frequently because I have seen the Ordnungsamt (office of order) writing tickets many times over there. I refused. In my view, I pay for this parking spot, I should be able to use it when I want.
And to be fair, they are breaking several laws being where they are. They are parked on the sidewalk and are blocking exits, both of which are technically grounds for a traffic ticket (I looked it up). They eventually moved the truck so that I could drive in.
I tried to get out and get the things I had in my trunk that I had bought on my way home and the guy backed the truck up before I could even get out and parked so close that I couldn’t even get the trunk open.
He just laughed at me when he saw this.
When I came out of my apartment earlier to go get some lunch on our day off (today is a German holiday), they are back again and this time are blocking my exit. They moved when I asked them but not without an argument.
Am I the jerk for getting upset about this? I am seriously considering making an official complaint about this to the landlord and maybe even making an “Anzeige” (report) to the police about the truck. It may seem a bit petty but honestly I find it very antisocial and just really jerky.
Like I get maybe parking where they did if they would just move when the person who rents the spot asked to get out/in. But they tried to argue it, that I should just park somewhere further away.
Am I the jerk for refusing to park somewhere else (or refusing to wait until later to leave) and demanding they move their truck so I can get in/out of the spot?
Would I be the jerk if I reported this occurrence to the landlord or the police?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I was on your side as soon as you said they were blocking the sidewalk, which is a jerk thing to do. I would most definitely tell the landlord AND make a report.
Clearly it has lasted for more than one day. It would be different if there were no other options, but you went through the proper channels when you moved in, and they should be expected to do the same.” Embarrassed_Sweet750
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
People really need to be more considerate. My new neighbors who moved to the condo behind, introduced themselves before they moved in, let me know their move in date. They said that the movers would be there at a certain time and the duration. They apologized if this would inconvenience me and said to let them know if they need to move.
We had no trouble at all.” Accomplished_Two1611
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This behavior is insane. The only question I have is … does the guy moving in know that he can get a municipal “parking ban” for the time he’s unloading his truck? Because that really is the solution … the problem is he may not be aware of it.
Say hi to Berlin from me in New York.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Wanting To Keep The Cat My Ex And I Adopted Together?
“4 years ago, my ex fiancee (NB/28) and I (M/23) adopted a cat together early on into our relationship.
I broke up with them about a month ago because, well, they lost their mind.
They wanted to be admitted into a Psych Ward after a rather bad mental breakdown, which is all good. However, in the ward they gave their number out to a handful of dudes, one of which being a 20 yr old that I’m gonna call J.
Now would be a good time to mention, they were unfaithful to me once in the beginning of our relationship, and my naive, 20 yr old self stayed with them.
They text J constantly, and decided to go over to his house w/ their younger sister to relax.
When they got there, though, it was a literal mess. Sister refused to go back, and had a panic attack after they left because of how uncomfortable she was. Ex kept going back, ignoring me for days and missing our anniversary while they ran around and hung out with this guy.
There was also an “18 year old” girl living there I’ll call A.
Another thing to mention is that part of what triggered their initial breakdown was that we lost our apartment and were having to move apart, so I’m with my dad 2 hours away while all of this is going on.
They were living in their older sis’s basement, which I bring up because they then decided that they’re going to sneak A & J in for two nights! With 2 little girls asleep upstairs!
How did that work out for them? Well, their sister said that around 5:30 in the morning she was woken up by my ex freaking out, claiming there’s a demon in the basement and that she needed to bring a weapon.
Apparently A, the 18 year old’s “eyes went black” and they claim to have spoken to the demon of lust through her. They’re entirely convinced of this still.
A & J were immediately taken home and my ex was put on family isolation. They wouldn’t stop texting them, or hyperfocusing on what they believe happened. They HAD to be on something, right?
It was at this point, after being ignored for 3 days and hearing about everything they’re doing from their sisters, that I broke up with them.
So, what does this have to do with a cat? They reached out to me wanting me to give her away to a friend of theirs.
I don’t think it’s fair to her that she gets taken from me and my other cat that she’s bonded with. My mom is a vet, I have a good job. I can afford to take proper care of the cat, and she’s completely happy with me.
She knows me as home. The only reason they wants the cat out of my possession is to be in control of me. They were extremely manipulative and narcissistic to me during our entire relationship and now they’re scrambling for any kind of control.
We originally agreed that when they were stable again, they could have her back and I fully intended to keep that promise.
I still would. But they’re not stable right now, so I don’t feel like they get to make that decision. I’m looking out for the cat’s welfare, and not prioritizing my ex’s feelings.
Am I being the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I gave my ex husband our cat when I broke up with him, the cat managed to live 3 days at his house before he got out and coyotes ate him.
Do not give your ex the cat.” Harmonia_PASB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ keep the cat. It’s in a bonded pair and is attached to you. They don’t have a way to care for it and use their age and supposed maturity to manipulate and control you.
I had a friend, Ph.D. from a top school, successful and married to a doctor, everything was going well, but he started using. It went downhill fast for everyone around him. You need to block them completely.” vt2022cam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- look they left the cat and you, they are not mentally stable and are an addict.
They have no business making decisions about a pet rock let alone another living creature. You need to get the cat registered in your name and cut your ex off and not go back and don’t let the cat go. The poor cat needs a stable environment.” CatahoulaBubble
2. AITJ For Telling My Sister About My Partner's Plastic Surgery?
“My partner and I moved to Europe a few years ago, and she ended up getting a lot of plastic surgery while we were out there that I pleaded with her not to get.
She got a blepharoplasty, a nose job, fillers, a chin surgery, and I don’t even know what else.
I hate to say it, but it decreased her attractiveness. Don’t get me wrong, she’s still beautiful, but not nearly as gorgeous as what she use to look like.
It also just makes me sad that she removed all the features that I loved on her face. It’s also sad that people think these are features they need to remove. She looks hallowed out and tired.
But she doesn’t want to admit she got plastic surgery.
We’re back home from Europe, and people started commenting on her looks at dinner. One of her friends just straight out asked if she got something done and she said no. She said it was just aging, of course she was going to look different, she’s 27, etc.
I was shocked. I couldn’t even believe she could play that card when the results are so dramatic. It’s so obvious that she was lying, but no one called her out on it.
My sister has been staying at my parents’ house because I’m here and she has been weirdly obsessed with her looks since that dinner.
She is only 24, and she is truly a baby. 24 seems so young now, or at least, she makes it seem very young.
She admitted to me that seeing my partner brought up feelings of anxiety towards aging, she said she didn’t know people could change so much and it was stressing her out.
She started calling me and freaking out about a line she found on her forehead, which was hardly noticeable at all.
She isn’t a person that is super fixated on her looks, normally at least, so it surprised me. But she was buying a lot of anti-aging skincare and applying it multiple times a day.
I told her she was fine, all she had to do was moisturize and wear sunscreen, I mean, I look the same as I did at 24 but she wasn’t buying it and it was obvious why.
It hurt me so much to see her like that.
She kept putting retinal on her face and would ask me daily if I see “lines” going away when there were no lines in the first place. After a while of her spiraling one day I finally broke down and said, “Dude, you’re freaking out about aging because of my partner.
Chill out. She got plastic surgery, you don’t just randomly start to have totally different features after you hit 25. You are gonna look exactly how you look now at 27, relax.” She is way too young to be hyper fixating on her looks and worrying about aging.
She has an obsessive personality sometimes, and gets fixated on things (probably the anxiety disorder), so just telling her that made her drop the subject. Thank god.
I told her weeks ago, but last week my partner asked if I told anyone about her plastic surgery.
I admitted I did tell my sister because I didn’t want to lie about it and she is very mad at me. Was I wrong to tell her? My partner didn’t outright say not to tell people, but it was obvious she wanted me to lie for her and expected me to do that.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You for making your sister’s obsessive personality, your partner’s problem. Quit “protecting” your sister and get her therapy. She needs to face the realities of life and understand that no two people are the same. If she goes overboard from seeing one person, she needs help now.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk, don’t breach the confidence of your partner about body autonomy issues, it’s her right have cosmetic procedures and to refuse to answer or deny when asked about such things, and if they don’t believe it’s rude to ask.
Not your right to reveal her medical history. This was a betrayal, especially if your partner has self confidence issues that she is in therapy for.” Gullible_Plankton_13
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. Sounds like your partner did this for herself and she knows sharing this info makes people feel entitled to voice their unsolicited opinions and judgements.
Her friends probably know she’s lying and drop it because they’re respecting her comfort level and know that it’s none of their business. It was private info you were privy to as her partner, no one else. The correct response was to tell your partner your sister’s obsession with aging and coming to compromise of what you’d tell sister to ease her fears.
The perfect example of judgement she’s trying to avoid is you calling her sad for making this decision! Clearly her fears of judgment aren’t unfounded.” Comfortable_Draw_176
1. AITJ For Wanting To Be Excluded From Car Rental Costs Because I Provided My Own Car?
“So me (29M) and a party of nine rented an Airbnb for a weekend getaway to celebrate one of our friend’s birthday.
We previously agreed to share all the expenses of the trip, from the house costs to food and drinks, to gas and tolls. Since we’re nine people, we need two cars to get there and I’m the only one of our group that owns a vehicle, which I offered to them.
But obviously we still had to rent an extra car; however, I told them I believe I should be excluded from this expense (instead of splitting the rental between all of us, I proposed it should be split between the other eight), because I’ll be providing my car after all.
One of the people in our group (31M) said in our chat that I’m changing our original deal (to share everything equally) and said it would be the same as him not paying for the food because he’s usually the one in charge of the cooking (by his own choice – he’s the best cook among us and enjoys it instead of taking over other chores).
I told him that his example doesn’t make sense: the persons that cook not paying for the food would be the same as the persons who drive not paying for the car expenses. Here I’m talking about providing my own property – a property that depreciates every time I use it.
He said I still shouldn’t back out of our original agreement. Then I reminded that, if it wasn’t for my car, under our original deal we would all had to share the costs of two rentals instead of one, and if that’s what they all prefer, then I was withdrawing my offer to use my car.
One of friends (the birthday boy) came to talk to me privately asking me to reconsider, aware it would increase the cost. But I told him I’m not going back on it, given how this other person reacted: we should all pay for two rentals then!
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your reasoning is sound. You should be excluded from splitting the cost of the rental if providing your car. Additional rental is the solution. Also, if you pay with a credit card that offers auto rental insurance, please read your terms and conditions that apply to it.
If you’re in Canada and TD/Scotiabank I can give you a rundown of how it works lol” HeirOfRavenclaw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would drive yourself alone and force the remaining 8 to have to rent another car AND pay for it, since that’s what would be going on if you didn’t offer up your vehicle.
You are actually making it cheaper for them bringing your own car and they have the audacity to still demand you to pay for something you aren’t using? This is exactly why these kinds of trips don’t interest me. Someone always gets the short end of the stick.” isolaloressa
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you were reneging on the deal after agreeing to it. > a property that depreciates every time I use it Then ask them for the 1-2 dollars it would have depreciated The cook friend is correct he is using his body, mind and time to make you food, it’s also depreciation on his end.
They were all contributing for gas. Classic case of cutting off your nose to spite your face. You are paying way more than the depreciation of your car, and costing everyone way more money. You are a jerk and I hope they bought you a jerk hat to wear” issy_haatin
