People Run Away From The Drama In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Wanting To Exclude My Overbearing Aunt And Grandma From Mother's Day Celebration?
“My family has a problem with setting boundaries. Grandma has always been difficult…demands the final say and will talk down to everyone around her (family & service people alike). Aunt is the same way. She is unmarried with no children and for years has told us that she sees my siblings as her kids so we are expected to treat her like our mother.
At this point, these are both one-way relationships, and my siblings and I only interact with them at family events when others invite them. We are polite.
My mother, on the other hand, has been catering to their needs her entire life. They dictate what she does and when she does it.
If she doesn’t agree, they will harass her until she gives in. Examples: They pick where we go to eat to celebrate mom’s birthday and pester her until she picks the food they want her to eat. If I invite my mom shopping but they aren’t invited, they will repeatedly call until she answers her phone and continue to talk the entire trip.
If she hangs up, they call again and again. One time she told them she was shopping and couldn’t talk, then refused to answer their calls. They called the police and reported that they feared she was kidnapped and gave the location where we were shopping.
This weekend we are celebrating Mother’s Day. I worked with my siblings to plan a dinner out for my mom to celebrate her and then invited her. Her family found out and pestered her until she invited them. Now they want to change the location, date, and time.
They also want to have assigned seating to ensure that Aunt and Grandmother get to see and talk with everyone. In the past when I have pushed back, I’ve been told by Aunt and Grandmother that I can’t control everything and to stop being a jerk.
I know there is a line between appropriate boundaries and being too controlling but I don’t think I have crossed it.
This time I intend to hold my ground regardless. I have already told them that if the plans aren’t to their satisfaction, they are welcome to not attend and plan their event.
Seems like they are still coming. WIBTJ if I tell them that if they act up at dinner they will be asked to leave? What if I follow through and tell them to leave?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your mother that ALL of the plans have changed and you and your siblings are taking HER alone for a surprise day.
She can not tell them no. Take her on a surprise day, text everyone that Mom’s phone will be off to enjoy her surprise, and she’ll be in touch with them after the day’s events when she gets home.” Open-Incident-3601
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ Why do you even invite aunt and grandma? Tell your mom: There will be a surprise dinner for her from her kids. Pick her up, and don’t invite aunt and grandma. Go to a restaurant, so Aunt and grandma won’t know where you are.” Excellent-Count4009
21. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Leave Our Apartment For My Birthday Party?
“I’m a 20 y/o student and live with my mom.
We have a pretty good relationship and a relatively open dialogue.
A month before my 20th birthday, I asked her if she could leave me the apartment so I could have a party. She said it was ok, no problem, she would stay at my uncle’s house with her laptop for work.
A day before the party, though, she said she couldn’t spend the night at my uncle’s anymore because of an issue with her work, which would require her to use the home PC.
This upset me because ever since I started having friends she has a history of disrespecting my boundaries and privacy whenever I would bring them over.
She wanted to get tipsy and smoke with us, and overshared details about her personal life, and her presence prevented me from talking about anything I wouldn’t want her to hear.
This also happened at my 18th birthday party and one time when one of my friends had his birthday party at our apartment.
I got mad at my mom and we fought. I said this was the only thing I’d asked her for the party and she couldn’t even keep her promise. She couldn’t seem to understand why her presence at my party with my friends would bother me.
I believe that having a month to prepare to spend one night away should’ve been enough to prevent any sudden problems that would’ve required her to stay at home.
I also believe that no one owes an eternal debt of gratitude towards their parents simply because they are parents.
I felt disrespected by my mom expecting me to be okay with her breaking a deal made a month before.
She used money against me saying that she pays for my stuff (info: my mom owes me money since I started working as a child, so I don’t think that’s a valid argument) and said I mistreated her by leaving the house messy (she’s messier than me, leaves dirty dishes everywhere and expired food in the fridge).
In the end, she managed to pack her stuff and go to my uncle’s, and the next day my dad sent me a voice text saying I needed to apologize to her and invite her to the party. I didn’t.
I think I might be the jerk for making my mom upset and ignoring my dad’s request to invite her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“EHS. You’re not great for asking her to not be in her home for a party. She’s not great for ignoring boundaries when it comes to the time you spend with your friends and for sharing inappropriate info about her life that makes you and your friends uncomfortable.
Your mom also isn’t great for waiting until the day before to let you know, unless her job waited until the day before to let her know. Her holding money from you and owing you money from your childhood is also insane. Try to save up to move out.
Your dad isn’t great for wanting your mom to get a pity invite and for thinking a 20-year-old would want their mom at their birthday party.” busy_midnight113
Another User Comments:
“You don’t have the right to kick anybody out of their apartment just so you can have A party.
And you’ve had other friends have parties at your apartment. Why didn’t you have your party at a friend’s apartment or a restaurant or any of the police besides your apartment putting your mom out? Yes, your mom might overstep, but you don’t have the right to kick her out of the apartment.
No matter how much time you give her. You knew when your birthday was you could have made arrangements to have your birthday someplace else. Why did I have to be at your apartment? YTJ” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s nothing wrong with asking your mom to keep the promise she made to you over a month ago.
But you should know that your mom never intended to leave. Quit having parties at your house or inviting your friends over if your mom can’t understand boundaries. Before doing so, however, sit her down and explain that she’s your mom, not your friend and that she’s embarrassing herself by trying to hang out with people much younger than her that are your actual friends.
Tell her to either get some friends her age or find her group of younger friends because what she’s doing now makes her look pathetic.” saintandvillian
20. AITJ For Confronting My Father After He Insulted Me Over A Shipping Task?
“My father asked me to help ship something abroad last minute, as he doesn’t live in the country.
He guilted me into doing it, promising to pay me back the shipping costs plus interest.
I had to travel 2 hours to my grandparents’ house, where he had been living. I used to live there but moved out recently for my mental health. I asked if he had any courier preferences, but he told me to “figure it out yourself,” which was frustrating.
He only provided his address to ship to.
When I arrived, it took a long time to find the items he wanted to ship because they had arrived months earlier. My grandparents and I repacked the box together. I tried to confirm with him that we had the right items, which took an hour.
I went to several couriers, but they said the box was too big to ship. They had no larger boxes for me to use. When my father called to check on my progress, he insulted my intelligence and called me lazy. I had been carrying a heavy box in the rain for an hour and had to raise my voice to get him to listen.
Eventually, I found a place that could ship the box, repacked the items and provided the details. An issue came up with his address, but the courier assured me it would get to him, I paid a lot of money for the shipping.
The next day, my father berated me, saying it was embarrassing that he had to tell me what to do.
I explained repeatedly that the issue was the box size, not the repacking. This led to a heated argument where I confronted him about his past behavior, like obtaining money from my mother, not attending my university graduation and his other irresponsible actions.
Despite my attempts to make him understand, he continued to insult me.
I became very angry and called him out for more things he had done to me as a child. His response was to tell me and my mother to go away.
This confrontation had been building for over 10 years. He has a history of bad relationships, being unfaithful to my mother even when she was pregnant with me, and other deceitful actions.
While I wish I had handled it differently, he pushed me to this point. His lack of remorse made me angrier, and I can’t help but feel like I might be the one at fault.”
Another User Comments:
“100% NTJ! Your father is very abusive. You mentioned some of the terrible things he’s done in the past, but even without that history, his behavior that led to the fight was completely his fault.
You did nothing wrong standing up to him. Your behavior in helping him out was codependent (as were his parents, this was entirely a task he should have done himself, he was lazy to put you to all that work). I recommend therapy, as codependency has a lot of layers (I’m a recovering codependent myself).
Not all therapists are good, so while you shop for one that’s right for you, I recommend the book “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie.” smallpurplesheep
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You shouldn’t be doing this jerk any favors to begin with, but I understand that desire to help even the family members we should be cutting off.
But berating you like that after you did everything you could to be helpful? No. Your dad is a jerk. Drop him like a hot rock, and don’t answer his calls for a while. If, if… you decide you want to pick up the phone again, he starts with an apology or you hang up.
He calls to talk, and he gets no favors, no help, no nothing. He gets to talk to you, and that’s enough or he goes away.” rockology_adam
19. AITJ For Not Waking My Father Up For His Doctor's Appointment?
“My (22F) father (51M) had a doctor’s appointment in the city 1 hour and 30 mins away.
Since the drive is so long, he asked me earlier that week if I would like to come up with him to keep him company and look after his 2 dogs. I agreed since I work later that evening and his appointment was for 8 am. Since the appointment was so far away and so early, my father gave me the heads up that we had to leave no later than 6:15 am to be on time.
I set an alarm for 5:30 am and accidentally snoozed it and woke up at 6 am. I rushed to get ready and thankfully was ready just in time for 6:15 am. My father had yet to come out of his room at 6:15 so I gave him some grace thinking he might be running late as well.
Fast forward to 15 minutes later, he still had not come out. At this point, I knocked on his door and found that he was still asleep. I woke him up and he was distressed when he found out he slept in. While he was getting ready, I took the dogs outside to pee and put them in the truck.
Around 5-7 minutes later he comes out and hurriedly gets in the truck. Immediately he begins to berate and belittle me for my stupidity for not waking him up and causing him to be late. He said I should’ve woken him up immediately when I saw he was not ready to leave at 6:15 and that I was stupid and useless for not doing so.
Furthermore in the rush, we forgot to pack the dog’s leashes so he made me buy some at a pet store because it’s my fault I didn’t pack them and caused him to be late. He then went on to insult me throughout the entire drive up to his appointment and jabbed his fingers at my head talking about how stupid I am.
I shut down and apologized and did not move or speak the entire drive up. I disassociated. I did not try to fight back because I knew there was no reason and did not want to anger him further. After apologizing multiple times, he continues to insult me but a part of me feels like he’s deflecting responsibility onto me out of anger.
I feel like it’s equally his fault since he’s a grown adult who should be more than capable of waking up on time for his appointment on time. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ How could you be a jerk? I suggest that the next time he asks you if you “would like to come with him to keep him company” your answer is “no thanks”.
It sounds like the trip was very short of pleasant. He broke the fundamental rule: if you invite someone to join you in an outing, you have an obligation to their experience. Even if you don’t wish to adhere to the social graces, at least try your best not to make their life miserable when they are in your company!” Something-bothersome
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s not equally his fault, it’s entirely his fault. He’s an adult and it’s his responsibility to manage himself. You’re also not a mind reader. The truth is, your dad is emotionally immature and abusive.
He projected all of the feelings about himself onto you, and this is how generational trauma continues. You are worth a million thanks yous and all the kindness in the world. You are smart and kind. If you don’t have one already, I would find a good therapist to talk about setting boundaries with your dad.
All the best.” Confident_Macaron_15
Another User Comments:
“First of all, NTJ in any way. Am I getting the right picture that you live with this irrational, abusive jerk? If so, you need to get away from him ASAP. No one needs to deal with that kind of stuff from anyone, not even a parent.
I’m totally confused about the dogs. Why is he taking his dogs on a road trip an hour and a half away while he goes to the doctor? Let me make it clear, your father is an obnoxious, rude, abusive, and incredibly huge jerk who can’t accept responsibility for his screw-ups.
Unless he asked you to make sure he was up on time you, have absolutely no responsibility for checking that an adult got himself out of bed to make it to HIS appointment. You were doing him a favor by going with him! You say he started berating you as soon as he got in the truck.
Why didn’t you put the truck in park and get out? You locked yourself into the cab with this ranting, raging jerk for 3 hours. Why??” uTop-Artichoke5020
18. AITJ For Expecting My Wife To Put Away Her Own Clothes?
“I (m25) am a bit of a clean freak. My wife (f25), on the other hand, is not. I don’t hold this against her — I understand that people with different temperaments have different thresholds for messiness.
When my wife’s messes are confined to her own spaces, I ignore them. And even when she leaves messes in our shared spaces, I clean them up myself. I’m happy to do the bulk of the cleaning since my wife cooks our meals and takes care of our dog, for which I’m very grateful.
But recently, she started getting angry whenever I did her laundry, since I would put her newly washed and folded clothes in the wrong drawers. (I wash and fold all the laundry myself.) So, at her request, I started leaving her clothes folded on the top of her dresser instead.
However, she often went several days without putting them away. When this happened, I would put them away myself. This made her angry. So, we reached a compromise: I would wait two days before touching her clothes after folding them so that she would have a chance to put them away herself.
Yesterday, I put her clothes away, since she had left them on top of her dresser for three days. This morning, she had trouble finding one of her shirts, because I put it in the wrong drawer. She got really upset and yelled at me.
In response, I told her to pound sand. I said that if she wanted her clothes in the right drawers, she would have to put them there herself within a day. She accused me of being tyrannical, manipulative, and unwilling to compromise. I replied that I’d already compromised and that she could resolve this problem simply by putting her clothes away.
As I was typing this paragraph, she texted me threatening to withhold you-know-what. Once again, I told her to pound the sand.
My wife isn’t an unreasonable person in general, and the fact that a generally reasonable person thinks I’m a jerk might be evidence that I am one.
I also often worry that I’m too type-A for my own good, even though I try not to foist my clean freakiness on my wife. But I also struggle to see why it’s unreasonable to expect a grown woman to put her clothes away, or at least not to get angry at me for putting them away myself.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“She agreed to a compromise and you held up your end of the deal. Also, using intimacy as a punishment is a manipulative tactic that reflects less-than-stellar emotional maturity. Before I make a judgment, though, were your exact words to her just to go pound sand, or was your response to her a little more “colorful?” Your exact words to her will determine whether this is an NTJ or an E S H situation, but ultimately we know for sure that she is at least one of the jerks here.” HeraAgathon_33
Another User Comments:
“ESH is laundry worth the stability of y’alls marriage? You’re both so angry over this, calling each other names and threatening retribution. What’s the point of vowing to cherish her forever if a stack of clothes can fracture what you’ve built? Here’s an idea, approach this issue like you’re both partners and friends rather than combatants on a field.
Have a conversation and ask how she would like laundry handled. Does she want to handle her clothes herself? Should the two of you label her drawers so you both know where clothes should go? Should you alternate weeks of laundry duties? In the end, this laundry issue is nothing.
Y’all need to figure out why the location of a piece of clothing is enough for you to suddenly be mean to the person who should mean the most to you” nuggets256
Another User Comments:
“Huge NTJ. Some say laundry isn’t that big of a deal but cleanliness is CRITICAL for some people’s mental health.
Your wife is insensitive to your mental health. There’s ZERO reason laundry can’t be put away immediately or within a half day. She’s profoundly selfish and lazy. You’ve been overly generous in the way you handle this. Moving forward, if it was me, I’d politely cram any of her clothes in shared spaces into a clean trash bag and store it in a closet.” prevknamy
17. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Stepdaughter About Her Disrespectful Behavior?
“I (30F) and husband (29M) have 4 children (1 from his previous marriage, and 3 tots) with one on the way. I have been the only mom for our oldest for 10 years, my bio mom (29f) got legal custody and then ran off. A year SD chose to stay with BM, she has been with her almost all this past year.
Things that have happened: SD tricked me into a game of hangman where the answer was literally “F YOU”. She accused me of ruining her laundry when she was the one who threw her clothes into the washer with chocolates in the pocket and started an argument so her father could hear us.
She goes around saying things about how her father talks about a mutual friend’s wife and “attractive women” blah blah..(I’m as big as a blimp and due any day, I’m moody and insecure and I feel like she played on that), and says her father complains about the house and all I do is “sit on my behind all day”.
Two weeks back she drew on the walls in her little sister’s room (she has a history of this at her mother’s and destroyed several things with stickers or even paint and marker). We weren’t mad, just asked her not to do it again, because we don’t want a 4-year-old thinking it’s normal. There is a mountain of evidence against her and she denied it (the same doodles all over her papers, body, and clothing; it was too high up and detailed for any of the small kids, she knew exactly where to look on the wall when “investigating”).
Presented with all of this, her father says he just wants her to be honest -no judgment or punishment. She doubled down, even after her father put his 11-year marriage to me on the line. He said if she was truly innocent, then I did it to frame her, and if that was true, he would leave me.
My husband then informed me, that I am a good mom, but she is his first baby and so important, she just kinda sat there and grinned as he went on about how much she meant to him and how he couldn’t take it if something ever happened to her –so this was her goal here.
WIBTJ if I confront my kid on her wicked behavior? And everyone else?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband should never have put your marriage on the line. He’s the problem here. He needs to lay down the law if she’s being disrespectful and doing things that cause harm.
He also needs to share that while he wants her to maintain a good relationship with her mother, her actions are not reflective of her raising and the change in attitude is not going to benefit her in your house. She needs to speak to a child therapist now or it will get worse.
She sounds like she might be nearing her teen years and there are lots of moodiness and hormone changes that are to be expected. Some of this is typical and needs to be addressed appropriately. Some are cruel and need to be addressed appropriately. She’s a kid having a hard time, but that doesn’t mean she gets to be a jerk.” Willing-Helicopter26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to talk with the husband first before confronting her. She is being spoiled at the moment and is learning that it is okay for her to cause these problems since she will always be Dad’s sweet angel. However, she needs to be held accountable for her actions or this behavior will spiral into long-lasting issues and a superiority complex against you.” HolSmGamer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Please step back and let her parents step up. You aren’t allowed a voice with her so take a moment to step back and make Dad step up. I bet they will both realize how much you bring to the table when they see you not helping her by doing her laundry, driving her places, or just general things that you quietly do for her.
When they complain that you’re not doing enough just let them know you’re doing what they asked. I’m not sure why you’re trying so hard. Take the energy you are putting into this and focus on your children. Yes, you see her as your child but she needs a dose of reality to see how much you care.” Antique-Sherbet-7733
16. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Cousin Pay Off His Mortgage Despite Warnings?
“I [M40] have a blended family and a cousin [M34] on my step-parent’s side who used to be close to me.
However, due to him moving abroad and conflicts over an inheritance, we no longer talk these days.
Recently, I’ve been receiving calls from various local and overseas relatives asking for financial help for my cousin. He has defaulted on his house payments and is more than six months behind on mortgage and loan repayments because his wife [native Chinese] convinced him to buy a house in Shanghai.
He had a good job in what should have been a stable company, but circumstances hit them hard, and he has never recovered. It seems he got laid off eight months ago.
When we were still talking, he told me that he was going to buy this ludicrously expensive 2.8 million RMB house (about 400k USD) that was a concrete box.
I told him he was insane and would regret it for many reasons, particularly because he would never actually own the place due to Chinese laws. Now, four years later, he still owes nearly 2 million RMB on his mortgage since his payments have only been covering the interest, and nearly an additional 1 million RMB in loans for the decorations used to make that concrete box a place you can live in.
I am a teacher in the US, and I don’t earn enough money to own my own darn house, so how am I supposed to give someone else money to pay off theirs when I warned them this would come back to bite them HARD?
In the Chinese real estate market, you are always just one bad day or one conman away from losing three generations of savings. This house was so expensive (for him) that it took up 70% of his monthly income just to pay the interest on the mortgage.
Now, I am being harassed for his stupidity in helping him out of this hole because I let on that I had a decent savings account. It’s not house money, but I want to buy a new new car; something nice for once and not just new to me.
Even my biological family is giving me grief about this. But I don’t want to help.
Will I be the jerk if I don’t help them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and don’t give them a penny. I’m Chinese and I’m familiar with these customs. These people are always looking for family handouts and won’t stop if you don’t nip this in the bud.
I have family in China that I’ve never even met and they’ve badgered us for years for money. The final straw was when my dad flew some of them over to the US to attend my wedding and they had the nerve to ask him for $20K while living here under his roof as guests.” obiwanshinobi87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Someone needs to learn the harsh consequences of their actions. Your family would crowdfund amongst themselves to help him out – but they won’t. Says more about them. You worked your backside off and deserve something for yourself. Don’t give it to someone who makes rash decisions and screws themself over” faerie-kitteh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All you had to say was- I don’t earn enough money to own my own darn house. So just reframe this: Sorry, I do not have the money to help, I am struggling to save for the future, so I can’t afford to lend money or give it away.
And then, stop talking about it. Now you know not to tell your family about your money at all, and you also don’t have to debate whether you can help or not. Your family doesn’t know your finances unless you tell them, and you don’t need to feel bad about not helping out someone when you don’t have money to give away, or even if you did you aren’t obligated to help.
This will go away if you stop engaging, and don’t feel bad about your family members’ bad choices. With so many people bothering you, he isn’t going to end up homeless, just likely with a lost home and he has plenty of support to get on his feet again.
Stick with “Sorry, I am struggling to save myself, I can’t help cousin out, but I’m glad so many other people have the means to help” and then don’t engage in further conversation or judgment about it.” mfruitfly
15. AITJ For Refusing To Share My IPad And Teach My Sister Digital Art?
“Recently, my parents brought up the issue of my little sister (17F) wasting her time playing all day.
They are saying that I should spend time teaching her digital art instead because she has an interest in it and that it’d be better than wasting time playing all day. We are 1 year apart.
Frankly, I have no issue with teaching her a little bit except that they want me to give her my iPad which I bought myself for a few hours each day, and when I buy a new one, to give her my old one completely.
Now, this is a little problematic since I was planning to sell my iPad and put the money towards buying a new one. I bought my own iPad when I was 15 too anyway because no one else was willing to buy one for me.
Another issue would be that I’m really bad at organizing time.
I go to the gym, work, study, and read as a hobby. And that takes a major chunk of my time. My schedule is not set in stone, I do things when I want to do them. Which is bad, but I can’t help it.
Sometimes I work, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I laze around, sometimes I spend hours doing something I find interesting. This freedom of time helps me to focus when it’s needed. It sounds weird, I know, could be something undiagnosed. I need this freedom though, and I can’t do anything if someone is using my device for hours.
And also the fact that I’d have to actively teach her everything. I’d throw off my whole schedule.
Lastly, I have a principle that I don’t teach anyone who doesn’t seem passionate about it. I have had issues with people wanting to learn from me, but getting bored and ditching midway.
Whenever I teach, I teach fully and completely. It’s against my philosophy to get such a student who doesn’t want to learn.
So WIBTJ if I refused to? I already told my parents about all these issues, but they are telling me that I’m being selfish.
It’s not my sister’s or my parent’s fault, it’s mine. I just can’t handle it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your belongings, money, and time should be yours; she’s one year younger than you, so it should be your parents’ job to figure things out.
It’s absurd that they’re expecting you to give her the iPad without compensation. It might help to offer alternative solutions. Did you start with digital or physical art?” True-Cap-1592
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but I would suggest finding an hour weekly for you two to hang out and try making art in something like Krita or Clip Studio Paint.
Artmaking should be something everyone knows and can do even a little bit, honestly. I understand you’re hesitant, but I do believe it would ultimately be a good thing for both of you to go over the process with her. I’ve found that teaching also forces you to analyze your methods.
I think you’re blowing this out of proportion. Just open something up and start doodling your favorite characters. There’s also nothing stopping you guys from practicing non-digital together.” Joefers1234
14. AITJ For Defending My College Choices Against My Brother's Unwanted Opinions?
“So I (19F) and my Brother(24M) got into an argument tonight, and it got a bit ugly.
So for context, I’m looking to go into college soon, and originally I was going to major in art.
That has changed, and before I could tell my brother, a few weeks ago we got into this blowout fight where he told me I was too naive and childish to know about the real world and that I shouldn’t even waste money going to college.
This hurt me a lot, mainly because of the way he said it (he was very demeaning and disrespectful).
So, that brings us to now, I invited him on a walk, trying to go back to normal, though I was still kind of hurt, and the fact that he’d never apologized didn’t help.
So, on our way back home, I checked the mail and got a letter from a college I’d since dropped from. This brought up the conversation that I’d dropped out because of my dad’s recent health scare, but I’m planning to get back on the horse in autumn.
I didn’t think anything of it until he started bringing up the same points he had last time. I’ll admit I started getting very defensive and maybe even aggressive pretty fast. I tried telling him that I was not even majoring in art anymore, and he asked what I was majoring in.
I said I wouldn’t tell him because I felt he would find something wrong with any major I brought up. It gets a bit blurry here because we kept talking over each other, but I do remember saying that his opinions on my college career didn’t matter to me and that I didn’t remember even asking for his opinions.
I also brought up our previous fight and how his disrespect had hurt me, and he said he didn’t have to apologize and that he wouldn’t because he felt he didn’t “hurt” me, he was just “real” with me. I was angry admittedly and said some nasty things like how he didn’t know when to stop, that he was a jerk and this was why I never talk or hang around him anymore, and similar things.
My mom ended up telling me to go to my room to calm down, but now I’m sitting here, angry while they joke around. It feels like I’m a common enemy now, that I’m the problem. And maybe I am, that’s why I’m asking, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, He needs to either a) mind his own business, or b) keep his unasked-for opinions to himself. College can be great, but please make sure you remember that college is only 4-6 years and the career you have after is for 50-60 years.
Pick a career or career field you want and not just something you will enjoy studying. This is the biggest mistake people make when picking a major. You will do great at what you put your mind to, don’t let your mother and brother stop you.” MyMedsWoreOff
Another User Comments:
“There are a lot of art courses online (like Skillshare) for far cheaper than going to university, and they all cover the same subjects. The biggest ‘perk’ of the university is its connections for getting its graduates into the industry, which has been growing shakier over the past decade.
Unless you’re looking into fine art jobs like painting restoration and presentation (which is more science than art), it pays to just learn in your own time. Also, it helps prevent you from getting burnt out on a subject you love. I’m curious why your brother feels he has the right to parent you.
He’s not old enough to have enough ‘worldly experience’ to speak on the matter, only parrot what he’s heard. There’s warning someone about the current state of things, then there’s ruining all their plans and insulting them. All in all, he’s lost your trust and is having a tantrum that you don’t ’respect him as an authority’.
NTJ because he didn’t drop it and back off when you told him to, then continued to escalate. As a ‘more experienced’ adult, he should have dropped it then.” I_wanna_be_anemone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m an old person with a practical degree, and I had a reasonably lucrative career in a field I sort of enjoyed. And now that I’m retired I’m finally getting an art degree.
And… I wish I had done it when I was young. Look, nobody is going to tell you it’s a wise decision. So what? If you’re the type of person who can measure success in terms of doing what you love, and you don’t mind being poor… that’s your business.
Also, graphic design is pretty in demand. Or you could teach. I mean, there are things you can do with an art degree. I have friends who work at museums… it can be done.” Brief-Ranger2299
13. AITJ For Spending $25 On My Friend's Birthday Gift While Going Through A Divorce?
“My friend threw herself a 40th birthday party and created a gift registry for herself. She’s never been married and never had children therefore no bridal or baby showers so she thought why not do a gift registry?
Albeit weird, fair enough. So I bought her 2 things from Amazon off her registry that totaled about $25. I had planned on getting her a $25 gift card to go along with it but ran out of time and never ended up getting it. A little background, I’m going through a divorce with a narcissistic, emotionally abusive husband and I have 4 young children.
I am not exaggerating when I say that I do everything with little to no help from him. I work full time, take care of the kids, and take care of the house, I even do the “man” jobs around the house. I also do the books for his business, all while contributing to the household significantly financially.
I was lucky enough to even be able to get out of the house to attend the party. I also want to mention that my friend makes about double what I make, income-wise.
I feel like I’ve been a good friend to her and have done things to show her that I value our friendship.
I have sent her flowers on the anniversary of her mother’s death to cheer her up when I knew she was having a hard time, I spend countless hours listening to her vent about a loser guy she’s had in her life for years, I never judge her and listen to a different version of the same story over and over.
I even once flew from the Northeast to Texas, sat in an airport all day, waiting for her to arrive there from her trip to California, just to fly back Northeast with her because she had an anxiety attack due to turbulence while flying out West at the start of her vacation and she didn’t want to fly home alone.
I do these things not expecting anything in return but because they make me feel good and like I’m being a good friend and doing the right thing. The night of her party she texted me and said wow, you only spent $20 on my gifts.
I ignored it then a few days later she brought it back up, texting me saying that two girls we work with who she’s only known for a year, both spent $85 each on her gift and I’ve known her for 17 years, and only spent $20.
AITJ?!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She made a registry and you got her two things from it, and she’s mad?? Honestly, my friends and I barely even do the gift thing. So many times we have gone to parties or nights out for birthdays, and hardly ever does anybody get the birthday person a formal gift, except maybe buying them a drink or something.
You got her a gift, and it was something from her registry, it’s such a bad look to complain. It’s like there’s some arbitrary threshold where you are expected to spend over despite never being told what that threshold is.” FUNCSTAT
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It doesn’t matter how much you spend. You spent what you can afford. And she has no idea what it’s like to be in your situation. She has nothing. No husband, no kids, no major responsibilities & she makes more money than you. She sounds like an entitled brat to me.
It shouldn’t matter how much you spend. She should just be thankful that you bought her a gift & showed up to the party. She sounds like a narcissist. Get better friends. I would probably never speak to this person again because a real friend would never have called you out like that.” NOTTHATKAREN1
Another User Comments:
“You know the answer, right? You don’t need us to tell you *she’s* the jerk here. I’d be pretty glad I only spent $25 on her now. Because she wouldn’t be getting another cent. So… your relationship is transactional. Well, if that’s so I’d say she’s the cheapskate, not the other way around.
My petty side wants to suggest you go back over the years and tally up your expenditures on her behalf, then present the total in a banner plane message. But no, ignore that. That’s just petty.” Global_Look2821
12. AITJ For Not Knowing How To Fill Out My Address While Sick?
“I (underaged) was having the flu and my aunt took me to the doctor’s. By the time we had arrived, my fever had reached 38 degrees (100.4F).
When I was filling out the information at the front desk, I was stuck on the address part.
The address part of the form didn’t specify [block] [street] etc, just had a bunch of blank lines. I was half-conscious at the time and was panicking because I didn’t know what order to write the address and was (irrationally) afraid that it might get rejected if I put in the wrong order.
I went to ask my aunt for help and sat next to her on the clinic chairs. She looked over and asked incredulously “You don’t know our address?” I was embarrassed because I knew this should be common knowledge for everyone and didn’t respond.
She asked in an even louder and more incredulous tone “Uh- uh? You *actually* don’t know?”
At this point, I was even more embarrassed because people were looking. I also started to feel a sense of “Are you doing this right now?” So I clamped up even more and searched on Google for the formal order of addresses.
After I gave back the form and sat down. She half whispered half yelled at how rude I was being and that I shouldn’t ignore people when they were talking to me. I exploded on the inside because like what the heck? But I also felt awful because of how belittling she was I knew the address I just needed a little help.
I didn’t express any of that, I just looked at the floor.
This incident plagued my mind for a while now. And, it’s not that I’m trying to be excessively kind to her. She was half forced into taking me in because of my father.
She also has aging parents to take care of. So I’d like to not be as much of a bother to her.
I just want to know how to de-escalate the situation for future reference because I can’t move out any time soon.
P.S. I’ve noticed that I’m getting more snappy and brutally honest (not in a good way) with people, I don’t want to be this way because this is how my aunt acts so any tips on how to be better?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were sick and she should have just filled out the form for you. Good on you for realizing you are starting to mimic behavior you don’t like. Try taking a few seconds before responding, count to five in your head, take a deep breath, etc. Good luck!” InstructionTop4805
Another User Comments:
“When I was 20 I got sick and when filling out forms, got my phone number wrong. I’m objectively an intelligent person – brains don’t work the same when they’re overheated. She should have helped you. As for dealing with it, I would sit down and have a conversation with her.
Explain that while you knew your address, you were feeling very sick and not thinking straight, and it caused you to question how to fill out the form properly. Explain that you needed help in that moment, and when she made the comments she did, that you felt belittled and embarrassed. That you weren’t feeling well and it would have been more helpful to you if she had answered your questions straight.
If you want, you can tell her directly that you weren’t trying to be disrespectful by ignoring her, but that rather you got embarrassed and overwhelmed, and with your fever, you just shut down. You can tell her that in the future if you’re sick again, you would appreciate it if she could fill out the forms so you don’t have to while feeling so sick.
She should be able to understand that. Just communicate directly, avoid ‘you made me feel x way’, and instead focus on ‘when you did x, I felt y, and I would have appreciated it if instead, you did z.’ Good luck!” misscloudd
11. AITJ For Leaving My Sister's 18th Birthday Party Due To Social Anxiety?
“My birthday (F20) and my sister’s birthday (F18) are two weeks apart, mine is first.
Growing up, I had massive social difficulties, no friends, and struggled in school.
As a kid, throughout primary school, my mum made me invite all the girls in my class to birthday parties to try to help me build friendships.
Not once did I ever receive an invite in return, nor did anyone outside my family ever wish me a happy birthday. In 6th grade, I stopped celebrating my birthday altogether. Every year it was just a huge slap in the face.
This whole social thing is a massive issue, did not improve at all during high school, and while I do have some sort of friends that I see now and then, we are not exactly close.
I’m working on it, but at this point, it is more of an acceptance thing than an improvement thing.
Anyway, my sister is nothing like me. Extremely popular, loads of friends, etc. We are relatively close, but our birthdays have always caused me to feel pretty down.
Mine is two weeks before hers and she always throws big parties, while I pretty much ignore mine. I always attend though, because it makes my sister happy and she does want me there.
This year, for my 20th, I decided to reach out to a couple of casual friends I have made at uni to try to organise just going out for a few drinks.
All of them agreed but as the date got closer, everyone dropped out due to other obligations. Not a great feeling.
My sister on the other hand, for her 18th, planned a house party with a big group of friends. I was supposed to be there but the moment people started arriving, I couldn’t handle it and left (we both live at home still).
I just got in my car and drove, and ended up going to our nanas place and staying the night.
Nana is sympathetic, but my sister and the rest of our family are angry that I left. Saying that it was rude, I need to get my issues together, stop sulking, can’t hide from life, that I’m being selfish and making it about me, etc.
Was my reaction too much? Should I have just stayed and dealt with it for the sake of my sister? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, your mental health is important and I understand why you would not want to be there for that, but at the same time, I don’t think your sister is in the wrong for wanting her sister at her party, and from an outsider’s pov it could seem kind of rude.
However, their comments are 100% out of line.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for leaving a large party where you were uncomfortable, but it is considered impolite to leave a gathering without saying goodnight to the host/hostesses. It seems like there are other issues here than just your birthday.
Have you ever been in counseling? Are you depressed? If you haven’t done so recently, I would suggest a medical checkup to see if everything is as it should be in your body and your mind. It’s way beyond the scope of Reddit to diagnose a medical/mental issue of any kind, but it sounds like this has been going on for a long, long time and since you, yourself, don’t appear to like yourself much, getting therapy might be helpful.
You might just be extremely introverted and find it difficult to reach out to people; there’s nothing wrong with that, except that it bothers you. It also sounds as if the rest of your family (other than Nana) aren’t happy with what they see as disrespecting them, but it’s not that simple.
Unfortunately, they haven’t made an effort to understand what you are feeling, and their attitude of accusing of you sulking, hiding, making it about you, etc. is not helping. Please consider talking to a counselor to try to understand yourself better. Sometimes we need to reach out for help and your family doesn’t sound too interested, tbh.
Update us later, too, if you like.” TabbieAbbie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First, be sure you know that they’re angry, not just disappointed. Don’t necessarily doubt yourself, but if you’re someone who doesn’t usually fit well with others then you probably should think twice to make sure you’re reading reactions correctly.
Disappointment and frustration can look very similar but are very different. Assuming you know them and are reading them correctly … Then they aren’t sad that they missed spending quality time with you. They just don’t like the look of someone who needs what they aren’t giving.
It kinda makes them look bad and feel less good about what they do. ” rlrlrlrlrlr
10. AITJ For Letting My Dog Growl At A Child Who Approached Her Without Permission?
“I (29F) was selling stuff at a fair and I had my miniature dachshund (2F) with me. This is a fair that happens annually in my city and pets are encouraged to join. I gave my dog a bone, so she’d stay preoccupied and not mess up my display.
My dog is the sweetest, she will kiss strangers and she never makes a peep, however, if she has a bone she may protect it verbally, never attacking though, so just growling and then moving away from the person.
When we were sitting by my display, my dog was right beside me on a short leash eating her bone, and a girl (10ish) came up from behind us trying to pet my dog.
When my dog sensed someone moving behind us she immediately jumped up with a bone in her mouth and growled at the girl in warning. This was the first time I noticed the girl. She hadn’t asked me if she could pet my dog or approach us, but her hand was outstretched toward my dog and she was kneeling.
Now I apologized to her for my dog growling and said the dog isn’t mean just protective of the bone, and then I told her to always ask permission before approaching a dog not just show up behind the owner without warning. The girl looked a bit shaken but she left after I told her this.
Not 10min later her mother comes storming over demanding I control my beastly dog. At this point my dog had finished her bone and was napping next to me, calm as can be. I was a bit baffled but then she said I had scared her kid and that I should never have told her kid off.
I repeated the events to the mother and expressed concern that her kid approached unfamiliar dogs without permission or even acknowledgment of her presence. The mother got even more annoyed and yelled some more. Eventually, she left us alone and we got the enjoy the rest of the fair, with my dog getting many scratches and compliments from other people.
Now, I don’t think I did anything wrong, but quite a few passersby gave me looks when the mother was telling me off and a while after as well. Did I do something wrong? Should I have done something differently?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I don’t get all the YTJ and ESH. Sounds like you didn’t know the girl, who is old enough to know not to approach a dog from behind, was there. You gave your dog a bone most likely just to keep it occupied so how could you have known the girl was going to approach?
And sounds like you had your dog on a leash at least. The mom and daughter are the jerks, I guess the mom mostly is for not teaching her daughter to not approach any animal from behind whether there is a bone or not, but at 10 years old, that girl needs to develop a common sense of her own.” Confident_Set4216
Another User Comments:
“How exactly was this display/booth of yours set up? You say she approached you from behind, but if your display can be seen and accessed from this side and she didn’t like a ninja into an area she shouldn’t have been, I’m going with ESH.
Mom needs to teach the kid how to approach/interact with animals they don’t know, but giving your dog a bone when you know it gets territorial in an area where a bunch of strangers are roaming about is an irresponsible decision. I think if the organizers are encouraging all the dogs to come, it’s pretty foolhardy.
It’s a disaster waiting to happen quite honestly.” Kasparian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m really glad that girl got scared not because children should learn through fear but since her parent utterly failed to teach her how to approach a dog, familiar or unfamiliar.
You did nothing wrong at all. I love dogs and have worked with dogs. We teach our children that we do NOT approach unknown dogs. At all. The end. Dogs we know, in-laws have several dogs, we approach calmly. A dog guarding a bone at a fair from an unknown person who sneaks up on them?
Yes, that is how a lot of dogs would react. I’m assuming that you are working on the dog not growling and not guarding the bone but at 2 they are not fully formed yet so keep working. And good on you for telling that kid off (assuming that you were nice about it and not screaming or being mean).
9. AITJ For Cutting Off My Friend Who Lied About Her Father's Death?
“I (M15) have been friends with Amelia (F14) for 3 years. We met during online school in 2021 and exchanged discords. At this time, I was told her father had just passed due to an illness, and, being one of the few people Amelia talked to at the time, I was sort of her crutch.
I’ll admit that at the time, it got kind of annoying whenever our fun conversations would turn into her venting to me about how much she was going through.
Fast forward a few years and we’re now finishing our freshman year of high school at separate schools.
I go to an arts academy and Amelia goes to a public school a few miles away. Because we go to schools so close to each other, we have some mutual friends who go to either of our schools. Most of these friends we met after online school, in 7th grade.
I was talking with a few of our friends and Amelia came up in the conversation. One of our friends mentioned making plans with her and Amelia telling them that their dad doesn’t let her hang out with people on weekdays. I got confused and asked if they meant her mom or her granddad but they doubled down and assured me that Amelia had said her *father* said no. I informed them that Amelia’s father had passed over an illness and another friend chimed in, saying they had met her father, alive and well.
I went home that night and scrolled through my and Amelia’s texts, making sure that I wasn’t making the whole thing up in my head. Sure enough, there were hundreds of texts about how her dad was dead, gone, absent, etc. I texted the friend who had “met” Amelia’s dad and she sent me a photo of the two recently from Amelia’s Instagram account.
I don’t have Instagram so it was a shock to me. I immediately texted Amelia about this with a screenshot of the photo. She tried deflecting, saying she had never told me he died or was gone but I pulled up screenshots of old text conversations and she admitted she just wanted to feel special and supported. I told her that she was an awful person for lying about those things and have been ghosting her ever since.
Our friends say I’m being petty and she was just in a bad place but I’m having none of it. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re NTJ. She’s the jerk. Faking victimhood and trauma to manipulate people for emotional support is sociopathic behavior and you’re right to take it seriously” MrsEnvinyatar
Another User Comments:
“As someone whose dad has died this makes me so mad. Why would anyone lie about a thing like that? I’d give almost anything to be able to talk with my dad again, even though our relationship had its ups and downs.
NTJ.” Feisty-Interest-6549
8. AITJ For Refusing To Take Out The Trash That Isn't Mine?
“Long story short a month ago my roommates decided to gang up on me and say that the majority of the dishes in the sink are mine and the stuff in the fridge is mine when they went to “clean it out.” They just threw everything away that wasn’t theirs.
Both of these aren’t true, I have a full-time job and haven’t gone proper food shopping in the last 3 months and thus haven’t used any dishes. My job has a cafeteria and I’ve been eating 100% of my meals there. With the occasional fast food on the way home which trash, I have in my car trash bag.
I haven’t used their dishes anyway since I saw them feed a dog they were temporarily watching in the shared bowls. When I do have to heat something I have my separate trash that I keep in my room. It’s my room and kitchen trash can.
I have put all the stuff in the fridge that belongs to me in a corner. That space has sometimes been taken as they order pizza and have take-out boxes and gallons of milk that need more space than the space they already have. When that happened I moved it and said since you guys wanted to accuse me of being the owner of most of the trash, I will keep all of my stuff in this corner and if you guys need more space you will need to rearrange your stuff or get a mini fridge or something.
The trash was getting full and one of them texted me in the group chat a semi-passive-aggressive message saying for me to take it out. Meanwhile, I know none of it’s mine and they have donut and cookie boxes over the trash and bottles of wine and whatnot on the kitchen counter.
I know what it sounds like since two people are telling me something the issue is me. However, I’ve had roommates before ( the last 5 years) and have never had this problem. I say gang up because the two girls were friends before moving while I knew no one.
It felt like they thought they could bully me since they outnumbered me.
I know it’s a shared space and I used to be more altruistic regarding cleaning but it rubbed me the wrong way that I single-handedly was accused. AITJ.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not being unreasonable in this situation. They falsely accused you. Your roommates wrongly blamed you for the mess and threw out your food without your permission. You’re taking responsibility for your trash. You’ve made it clear that you manage your trash and have even offered solutions for fridge space.
Instead of communicating directly, they’re resorting to passive-aggressive tactics. You’re not obligated to take out the trash, especially when you know none of it is yours. Consider having a calm but firm conversation with your roommates about your boundaries and expectations regarding shared responsibilities.” Elegant_Elliee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not being unreasonable in this situation. They falsely accused you. Your roommates wrongly blamed you for the mess and threw out your food without your permission. You’re taking responsibility for your trash. You’ve made it clear that you manage your trash and have even offered solutions for fridge space.
Instead of communicating directly, they’re resorting to passive-aggressive tactics. You’re not obligated to take out the trash, especially when you know none of it is yours. Consider having a calm but firm conversation with your roommates about your boundaries and expectations regarding shared responsibilities.” Elegant_Elliee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not being unreasonable in this situation. They falsely accused you. Your roommates wrongly blamed you for the mess and threw out your food without your permission. You’re taking responsibility for your trash. You’ve made it clear that you manage your trash and have even offered solutions for fridge space.
Instead of communicating directly, they’re resorting to passive-aggressive tactics. You’re not obligated to take out the trash, especially when you know none of it is yours. Consider having a calm but firm conversation with your roommates about your boundaries and expectations regarding shared responsibilities.” Elegant_Elliee
7. AITJ For Texting My Wife About My Concerns For Her Health?
“My wife is everything to me. When she came into my life she changed my life 180 degrees. Everything I’ve done I’ve done because she’s given me the willpower to overcome any challenge, booze, smokes, type 2 diabetes, going back to school. Recently she’s been talking about how much weight she’s gained. When we got married 3 years ago she weighed 130 pounds and now she’s pushing 200.
In those 3 years, she’s developed a lot of health problems that’s had her in the hospital 100 days in 3 years. Type 1 diabetic, gastroparesis, HS, along with seizures. All of that has added a lot of new medication to her daily routine, including Amnitryptline.
Last night she made another comment about her weight saying “I know I’m getting fatter because I can’t even cross my legs anymore”.
So this morning I sent her a text that said
“I just want to tell you and reassure you that I will love you in every season and every form you take. You are my girl, my partner, my sweet cheese. You looked beautiful to me 4 years ago and you look beautiful to me now, and in 60 years you will still look beautiful to me.
But health-wise, Do you think you should get your hormones or something checked out? I think it’s just odd that your diabetes is way better and it’s not like you eat huge meals 3 times a day or a lot of sugar but you are gaining weight Kenny I want you to know this is not coming from a place of pride or “dang I wish my wife was smaller”.
I love you and I want us both to live a long healthy life together. I love you so so so much.”
We were talking on the phone when I asked if she had seen my message and she said no and read it. She understandably started crying, saying she didn’t want to talk but kept me on the phone so I just listened to her cry for 30 minutes while trying to make her understand that was coming from a place of caring and not shaming her.
She said she would’ve liked me to say this to her face but I told her I feel I’m able to say exactly what I want to say over text and take the time to think about what I text. Also in therapy, she can show what exactly I said.”
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ. Sure, the writing of it helped you organize what you wanted to say. But that was not the best medium for HER to receive a very loaded message! A lot of feelings and helpful contextual clues are non-existent or MISREAD in a written message.
Your wife NEEDED those. The writing was best for you, but NOT best for HER. You could’ve/should’ve written it all out and then read it to her yourself, thereby providing that extra layer of tone and emotion that she needed with such a difficult message.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ Your wife is seeing doctors a LOT. They know about her weight gain. That kind of gain can be due to a sudden change to being more sedentary, such as happens with illness. It can be due to metabolic change.
It can be due to medication. Sounds like your wife has been contending with all three. And doctors are not known for being tactful about weight. Healthy, sustainable weight loss may not be a reasonable goal for her. You can bet she has her concerns and fears.
She knows she’s gained weight and I expect she’s not stupid. She may be mourning her old self—who may well not be coming back. Your text, especially delivered by text, hurt her without being anything she can do much about. The right thing to do here is to ask questions: Have these various doctors communicated with her about weight?
Are they all fully aware of what meds she’s on and her complete history? Have they offered strategies? Have they offered referrals to specialist support? What strategies have been recommended? What are your wife’s barriers to implementing them? How is she even feeling?
But telling her things about how you feel about her body, rather than asking where she’s at and what she needs, is profoundly unhelpful and may be counterproductive.” Amiedeslivres
Another User Comments:
“A soft YTJ because I think you have a chicken or the egg situation.
It’s rare to develop type one diabetes as an adult and it doesn’t come from weight gain, that’s type two. I don’t believe seizures are a symptom of obesity either… Amitriptyline is a Triptan and a strong one at that, it turned me into a zombie.
And you said multiple medications as well. Meds can lead to a lot of weight gain or side effects that make someone less motivated to work out/eat right. I doubt she needs her hormones checked when there are about fifteen other reasons a doctor would check first, including these meds.
You’re right that she should maybe speak to a doctor about this but you probably blindsided her with that text rather than sitting her down to discuss it.” GothGirlAtHeart77
6. AITJ For Telling My Aunt To Invite My Estranged Half-Siblings To Parents' Anniversary?
“My parents will be celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary in a few months and my sister (24f) and I (26m) are throwing them a party to celebrate. The thing is; both parents were widowed before they met. Both had lost their first spouses early and had children from them.
Dad had four, mom had three. They tried to make a happy blended family but their first kids never wanted them to marry again and never wanted to be a blended family. 30 years later and we still feel the repercussions. My sister and I don’t have a relationship with our parent’s other children.
We have no contact info for them, we are not social media friends (and yes we tried). I can’t even remember the last time I saw them. Mom still sees her kids and Dad sees his but it’s never a family thing. I know most, if not all, of them have kids.
Never met their kids. Never got invited to their weddings, and never met their spouses.
My aunt, my dad’s sister, knows about the party and was saying it should be all of us planning. I told her only one “set” of kids wanted to celebrate my parent’s marriage and that’s my sister and me.
She somewhat acknowledged that neither mom’s nor dad’s kids would want to take part in hosting this since the marriage was never seen in a positive light by them.
But she wants them to be invited. I told her I had no way of doing that.
That I have no details for them as adults. She was very persistent and pressed the issue on multiple occasions which led me to tell her to reach out and invite them herself since it’s such a big deal to her. I told her she knew Dad’s kids.
She speaks to them which is more than my sister and I do and she might get an answer from them.
She told me to stop being so sarcastic because she was just thinking of what my parents would want. I told her I understood and didn’t think I thought of that, but I’m aware that I will be ignored and I’m aware they have kept me from having contact with them and that makes it very challenging.
So the choice was hers if she wanted to do it or not.
She didn’t like my attitude at all apparently.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s your celebration party, not your aunt’s. It’s gracious of you to even consider her wishes, since it’s not about her nor was she invited to be part of the planning process.
She requested something, you told her no. You even told her why you couldn’t accommodate her request, which you did not owe her. Furthermore, you didn’t even shoot down her idea, you just asked her to do it herself. She doesn’t like your attitude, because she doesn’t like being called out.
Tough.” jedirieb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You explained that you hadn’t invited them because they are unlikely to want to celebrate a marriage they never supported, and that you cannot in any event invite them because you are not in contact. You have given her permission to invite them, but she is, apparently, not willing to do that.
In your position, I would simply send her an email or other message that says “I just wanted to clarify – I haven’t invited [half siblings] as they have never supported mum and dad’s marriage so are unlikely to want to celebrate their anniversary, but in any event, I have no contact details from them so am not in a position to invite them.
I just wanted to confirm that we are more than happy for you to reach out and invite them to the party, they are very welcome to attend if they would like to support their mum/dad. Let us know what they decide once you have spoken to them”” ProfessorYaffle1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You haven’t said they can’t be invited, you’ve just said you can’t invite them as you have no contact with them. You’ve given your aunt the chance to invite them (knowing they will probably say no). What more does she want? You can’t invite someone without contact info anyway, and it would be out of order for your aunt to give you contact info without checking with them. If she wants them to at least be invited, the only way of getting them invited is for her to invite them…” Swimming_Possible_68
5. AITJ For Planning To Spend Mother's Day With Both My Mom And Stepmom?
“This coming Sunday in the US is Mother’s Day. My parents divorced when I (now 23) was young and my dad got remarried to his wife “Sarah” when I was in 2nd grade. My parents always had split custody so Sarah is very much a parent to me.
She’s always been there for me as support when I needed it, as well as always showing up for events like little league games, graduations, and whatnot. In some ways, she’s even been more supportive than my “real mother”. My mother has never liked Sarah, not because of anything she’s done, but more because my Dad remarried relatively soon and she’s younger than her and objectively very pretty.
I’m sure people will wonder, but she was not his mistress, they met a year after the divorce.
I’m one year out of college and I now live in a different city than any of my parents. I was able to find a cheap flight to visit this weekend, it will get me in late Saturday night, with a return flight in early afternoon Monday.
I wanted to make sure I was able to celebrate with both of them so I planned a Brunch with Sarah (since we both love brunch), and a dinner with my mom. I told both about my plans with them and they were both excited about my visit.
That was a couple of weeks ago. Just yesterday, I was on the phone with my mom and we confirmed everything and she asked me about my schedule in the morning. I tell her I’m staying at my dad’s late Saturday night since he’s closer to the airport, and I have brunch plans but I can meet up with her anytime after around 2-3.
Long story short, my mom freaks out, asking why I’m seeing Sarah first, when Sarah has “her kids” (my dad and her had my 2 siblings after) and saying I should just be spending the day with her. I don’t know honestly I consider Sarah just as much of a mom and just wanted to celebrate both.
It’s the first year I don’t live in the same state as both so it’s harder than usual to accommodate everyone and I thought I was doing the mature thing here. I talked to my friend about it and she said she gets where my mom is coming from, that friend has a bad relationship with her step-family though so I think her opinion may be a little biased. Wanted to get some neutral feedback here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – What a very nice son and stepson. Honoring the two women in your life that have raised you. Tell your bio-mom to get her head out of her rear, you are not favoring one over the other and tell her that you could just spend the entire time weekend with your step-mom if she continues to carry on this way.
And then do it. The jealousy monster is an ugly one.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You see them both as mother figures, and you want to celebrate with both. I understand it might hurt to see your daughter wanting to celebrate Mother’s Day with someone else, but in my opinion, your bio mom’s reaction is childish and selfish.
Truth is you lived half of your life with your step-mom and she was supportive of you, wanting to celebrate with her too is understandable. I think your mom is being childish since she is asking why you are going with her FIRST. She wants you to choose her over your step-mom and has no issue putting you in an uncomfortable position.
I honestly believe that spending dinner with your bio mom is the “better” place in the schedule since you wouldn’t have a next meeting to rush to and you could happily spend the rest of the day with her until you have to fly back.” Dizzy-Potato3557
Another User Comments:
“Your mom needs to share you. You are spending time and funds to fly to see her on Mother’s Day. She should be happy to see you. If your mom doesn’t settle down and accept your *perfectly reasonable* plans to visit her *and* Sarah, you can always put your mom in time out and spend the whole day with your Dad, half-siblings, and Sarah.
Going forward, it might be wise to be less forthcoming about your schedule when visiting if your mama is going to feel some kind of way about not having you completely to herself and having to share you with *Sarah*. Any issues she has with your dad’s current wife are not your problem.
NTJ” YouthNAsia63
4. AITJ For Expecting My Fiancé's Best Man To Attend Our Wedding In Germany?
“My fiancé (m27) and I (f25) are getting married in Germany this summer, due to me being born and raised in Germany and still having all my family in friends there, plus we’re moving there a month before the wedding. (We’re planning on having an American reception in the US in a couple of years)
Anyway, my fiancé asked his cousin who he’s close to, to be his best man and he happily accepted. He knew from day one that we would be getting married in Germany and had more than a year to plan for this.
Originally he had planned to travel to Germany with his wife and young kids but eventually decided that it would be too stressful with the kids and everything going on so his wife and kids would stay home.
This was perfectly fine with us, as we understand a transatlantic flight is a lot with two young children.
After some time, said best man informed us that he too now won’t be traveling to Germany for the wedding because he has an agreement with his wife where he can leave her alone with the kid for 3 days max.
After we asked him if he can’t just fly to Germany for the weekend of the wedding he said this wasn’t worth it and too long of a trip. His wife would likely be ok with him flying to Germany for three days and holding the fort down.
Now our friends who are getting married in the US just a month after us and are so busy, managed to book a stay in Germany just for the weekend to join the wedding. And not once did it cross their minds that this wasn’t worth it.
I’m just so incredibly disappointed in his best man for seemingly not even making an effort to be there and so heartbroken for my fiancé that he won’t have his best man at our wedding. It’s not a financial problem as he has told us he will give us a big cash gift instead.
I just wish he’d use those funds to book a flight.
AITJ to expect him to make this work and prioritize our wedding? And to hold him to his commitments as a best man, which includes being present at the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. Insisting that he needs to either do a major transatlantic trip in a weekend or leave his young children for longer than a weekend for your wedding are both big asks. It’s fine to have a destination wedding, but your choice means some people can’t come; you can’t have this one both ways by treating your choice as his obligation.
It’s fine to be (privately) disappointed, but unreasonable to express anything to him other than gracious acceptance of his decision.” TreeHuggerHannah
Another User Comments:
“YTJ when you have a wedding that involves significant travel to attend you need to accept that some people, even close friends and relatives, won’t be able to attend.
The reality is you choose the destination to suit you and your family and the result of that decision is that people important to your partner won’t be attending. Your wedding is extremely inconvenient for this guy (also expensive), he doesn’t need a better reason than the inconvenience to decline the invitation.
Edit: just adding, that your examples make you more unreasonable not less. Comparing traveling to Mexico and traveling to Germany is ridiculous. Mexico is significantly closer, cheaper, and far easier to return to his family quicker if there is an emergency. Therefore, it’s more suitable if a person can only hop over for a weekend.
Having been to Germany many times, I can tell you it’s not cheap, the flight is long and it’s not suitable for a quick weekend trip. You just don’t seem to be able to accept that to accommodate your family, you made a choice that was prohibitive for various reasons to members of your fiancees.” throwAWweddingwoe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A destination wedding is a huge burden for everyone. Your ‘best man’ mistakenly thought he could make it work, but the truth of the matter is that his priority is to his own family, their finances, and their logistical circumstances. *That’s exactly how it should be.* He gets a smallish jerk for accepting and backing out, but in reality, he would be the bigger jerk for pushing forward for ‘you’ or for ‘himself’ if that was violating his responsibility to his family.
At this point, you’re crossing over from being *’disappointed’*, to being ‘*selfish jerks* about this. The world does not revolve around YOU. Stop making assumptions about other people’s finances. You don’t know WHAT other private things they may have going on. Stop making expectations about what someone should do just because another – separate, different – person can do it, that’s just asinine.
You’re welcome to be as disappointed as you want, that’s understandable. You have no business ‘confronting’ anyone about anything, because he hasn’t done anything wrong – he’s just not able to manage your expectations. Take the high road, and be graceful, kind, and a decent human being.” TrainingDearest
3. AITJ For Outperforming My Colleagues And Being Direct?
“I (23F) joined my current company 7 months ago, after graduating from the top business school in my country and gaining working experience (1.5 years) developing both strategic and technical skills. In my current role, I am recognized as the top performer as I can connect dots, stick to plans/deadlines, give new data-driven ideas, and I know how to use some software my colleagues have never worked on, etc… so honestly, I thought I was doing fine.
But today my manager told me that my being “too much” for the team is a demotivating factor for some older colleagues who say they try their best but are not able to reach the new benchmark I have given them and that they feel “humiliated” by my performance.
I have never wanted to belittle others’ work and initially was just excited to get to learn from people with more experience, but most of my colleagues previously worked in other departments and have no hard skills to be able to do good in their roles.
It’s a pity for them but I don’t see how it’s my fault. So now I mostly focus on reaching the goals that the management gives us and “getting things done”. However, today my manager told me that even if I am the person they have in mind when there would be an opportunity for promotion, she is worried that in the future I won’t be good at people management since I am very direct and I apply the same standard of performance to my coworkers as I do to my work so they wouldn’t be able to reach it.
She also noted that I make faces in calls when people say stupid things and that for this I am perceived as a mean person.
Am I the problem? And if so, what should I do? I really would like to get better at this since I don’t want to become someone’s worst nightmare one day but I don’t understand exactly what I have to do to master my “soft skills” in this sense.”
Another User Comments:
“Both, you should be rewarded as being the top performer, but your behavior makes me think you don’t care about others. A team is a TEAM. When you are a manager, you need to be able to handle different profiles. You need to deal with egos etc. Soft skills are very natural firsthand, but it is also something you can acquire through experience.
You need to analyze situations. For example, when you make “faces” when somebody says something stupid. Well that is disrespectful even if yes you are right, that was bloody stupid. And you are perhaps a big fish in a small pond. Plenty of people might be smarter than you, and one day you might be in that situation.
That’s what I learned working, there is always somewhere somebody better than you. Helps keep the head on earth. Lastly, the world evolves at a fast pace, and new technologies pop out at a high frequency. When I’m older there is a high chance I won’t understand the new tech, and so do you (maybe).
It is something to consider when seeing your older colleagues struggling more than you. What matters for you now is that you are aware of this issue, then you can work on it. It won’t be easy, but you’ll do great I’m sure!” Adurrow
Another User Comments:
“I’m coming to you as a person who’s always been above average when it came to my job duties. I’ve also been in leadership roles in my current location. I always had high expectations for the employees under me sometimes too high.
I expect them to work at the level of myself. The problem is you and I are above average not everybody that can fill the roles of our employee base is going to have the same capabilities as everybody else some less I am employees are hard to come by and hire management knows which is why there’s so much leniency nowadays when it comes to every aspect of an employee tardiness not showing up for work or not fulfilling the complete agenda.
employers are happy if somebody can complete 75% of the task at hand or even show up to work 75% of the time because the workforce is so useless” Outlaw-fitness
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here You are PART of the problem, but you are NOT THE problem.
You’ve set the bar higher than everyone is used to. This is not a bad thing in and of itself. Your co-workers are also part of the problems. They are complaining instead of trying to improve. The way through this is to help your co-workers improve and for them to help you learn how to work well with others.
It’s a learning process for all. But if they aren’t willing to improve and learn, that is on them. This also requires support and encouragement from management. Your soft skills will develop in time but you need the support of others to improve it. Talk with your co-workers, tell them you want to improve in these skills and you’d appreciate their help with anything you need to improve on, and be mindful of your actions, words, and tone of speech.
Any decent co-worker will recognize the effort and help you with this. Good luck.” User
2. AITJ For Refusing To Pay More For My Room After My Roommate Changed Her Mind On The Rent Split?
“I share a townhouse with approximately 1200 square feet with one other roommate, who had initially listed the room on the social media marketplace at $900 for my room.
For context, my room is 98.5 ft^2, while hers is more than double the size at 204 ft, including a private balcony. She pays $1700, which due to the size of her room, seemed justified. Her room also has a shared washer/dryer within it, a bigger walk-in closet, and an attached private bathroom.
My bathroom is detached and includes a tub, but she occasionally gives her dog baths in this tub.
She recently sat me down and told me that she does not think this is a fair split and that we should do a 60/40 split for the last 2 months of the lease agreement (on a 6-month lease).
She said that we have to also consider the common areas and that she had made some errors in her calculations before listing the room on social media. I told her that I was open to a renegotiation upon lease renewal, but made it clear that she should honor the $900 price she attached to the listing for the remainder of this lease.
Essentially, I felt forced into agreeing to a nearly $140 increase due to her guilt-tripping. I can certainly afford way more than I am paying, but I am extremely frugal – it is the principle of honoring a verbal agreement.
(Keep in mind that even in the shared areas, there is not a 50-50 split of any of the closet spaces or kitchen cabinets)
Unfortunately, while both our names have been listed on the lease agreement, the individual amounts have not been. I have made it clear that I am not going to resign the lease and that she will have to find another roommate. The extra $140 per month for the remainder of the lease is not worth the headaches.
On top of this, she has said that she does not want it to feel awkward in her apartment (*edit, this is supposed to be ‘our’), despite making this conversation extremely awkward.
I let the private landlord know about the situation, so future tenants are not taken advantage of.
A roommate initially renting for $2600 should certainly not be asking for more each month if they are financially sound.
A reminder to check and see that your roommate is financially responsible before signing a lease with them!”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I agree that she should honor the price for the remainder of this lease, but she’s right, a 70-30 split for having a larger bedroom is kind of extreme.
And you running to tattle to the landlord to get back at her was extremely petty and childish.” Its_Big_Fungus
1. AITJ For Yelling At My Family For Arguing During My Birthday Party?
“I, 18F, celebrated my 18th birthday last week.
My twin sister (also 18F) and I aren’t keen on birthday parties with our paternal family, because we are always seen as babies. For a bit of context, my father 48M has two brothers, 54M John, and 46 Joseph. The issue is my grandmother, 79F.
My grandfather died 12 years ago and she’s still not over it. I don’t blame her for missing him, but she has stopped taking care of herself. I don’t mean that she doesn’t shower, or things like that, I am talking about not taking her pills, not checking her blood sugar and blood pressure…etc.
So, my sister and I celebrated our birthday last Saturday with our family. Our Uncle John came with his wife and youngest daughter, who is five years older than us, and our Uncle Joseph came with his partner Mary( they aren’t married).
Everything was going smoothly until my mother( 46F) went into the kitchen to get the cake ready to sing us happy birthday.
At that moment, Uncle John noticed that Grandma hadn’t taken her pills, so he told her to take them. Grandma refused, and they started arguing. My sister and I were annoyed since they only argued on our birthdays (it’s the third year that this has happened), so we left the living room, went to our shared bedroom, and closed the door.
After 20 minutes, our mother entered our bedroom and asked us to please go to the living room so we could blow the candles. My sister and I agreed ( not that we were happy to do it) and while my mother was cutting the cake, my aunt (Uncle John’s wife) said something that was targeted at my sister “Well, some people like to make drama about just a disagreement because of pills”.
At this point, I exploded. I started yelling at them that my sister and I were frustrated that they only argue on our birthday, that they can’t keep thinking that we don’t realize when they are arguing, and that that’s why we’ve never liked celebrating our birthdays with them.
After that, I went to my bedroom again and locked myself until the party ended and everyone left. My parents agree that the discussion was out of place since it was a reunion to celebrate my sister and me turning legal adults ( I’m from a European country, where the age to become an adult is 18 and not 21), but my uncles are furious at me for screaming at them.
I’ve received messages from my cousins saying I overreacted and that I acted like a kid. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They don’t just argue on your birthday. They’ve always argued. They will continue to argue. It’s how some families are.
If you want to challenge them on it, you need to do it with relative calm and reason. Becoming part of the chaos is stooping to their level. You are justified to feel angry and you are justified in expressing it. But screaming pushes you close to jerk territory.
Still, NTJ because your family should be able to hold it together for an hour while you have a birthday party.” Glanced4
Another User Comments:
“Honestly. NTJ. But you’re an adult now. You now can tell them that they’re not welcome if they’re going to argue continuously in front of you guys and or do private events of you, your sister, grandma, and parents, and *NOT* your uncles.
You now can make boundaries and they have to accept them. GL” KaleidoscopeOk5168
Another User Comments:
“Lol I don’t know what kind of pills your elderly grandmother is taking, but at her age, things like beta blockers and blood pressure pills are quite common. If she isn’t taking them that is a legit medical problem, especially if she is going to be eating sweets.
If she is refusing around-the-clock care and expecting your uncles to run at her beck and call, then that is a problem. Not just a problem for your uncles, but a problem for your grandma because she is not getting the level of care that she needs.
YTJ. Your brothers take care of your grandma’s health. You don’t. Stop being so spoiled.” Mangosaregreat101
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