People Run Out Of Excuses In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
27. AITJ For Calling My Privileged Sister Out For Complaining About Her Maternity Leave?
“My sister(29F) had her first child last year. She works at a big tech company so she got 6 months fully paid and she had a doula(I think it’s what she called her) nearly full time for the first month. Her husband is a doctor so she gets the privilege of having a lot of money.
They had a cleaner come by weekly and her husband took a month off to be with her after the doula left.
She complained to me last week about how hard it was for her to go back to work and how she still feels tired and doesn’t feel motivated. She has complained a lot since giving birth about how she feels and I know I should have kept quiet and let her complain but I got annoyed. I pointed out how privileged she was for being able to get help after birth and how she got way more time off than most people.
I only got the 12 weeks FMLA and I couldn’t even take the whole thing because my partner had his hours cut and we needed the money. I felt like she had basically what most people would consider heaven in terms of care and she was complaining which was a slap in the face to my situation.
She got mad and yelled at me for making the comparison saying it had nothing to do with me and she felt like crap regardless of what help she got.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Stop trying to play Misery Olympics every time someone has a valid problem or concern.
She’s allowed to be upset and anxious about returning to work and leaving her baby. Jealousy is never a good look. Figure out how to make your own life better instead of envying hers.” Ajstross
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She’s done nothing to you for you to lash out like that.
It’s messed up that you didn’t have the same benefits, but for what reason are you mad that she did?? EVERYBODY should have this level of PTO for giving birth, awesome that she had that but she’s now still in pain and struggling. You kicked your sister when she was down for what exactly?
Sounds like a serious case of the big green monster” Circadiangwriter
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here and this always proves that some people are utterly deranged. Y’all are idiots for calling OP a bitter jerk for not wanting to hear their sister (who, yes, IS privileged in comparison) complaining about how “hard” her life is after 6 months off, while married to a doctor.
She’s completely valid in her feelings but is ranting to the wrong person who has fewer advantages in their current life than she does. I wouldn’t be interested in hearing it either.” SoloDeath1
26. AITJ For Being Upset About My Mom's Thoughtless Birthday Gifts?
“So I just celebrated my 21st birthday however it was kinda a sad one. To begin, the day before my birthday my mum complained that she hadn’t even got my presents yet and how it was so annoying that she had to go shopping.
Anyway day of my birthday, I opened my gifts from her, the only thing I asked for was a clear phone case for my iPhone 15 that I just bought myself. So instead she gets a bright pink iPhone 11 case with a frog on it that was on clearance.
I’m a more emo/alt girlie who has not worn colors in about 10 years. So it hurts that she doesn’t know me enough to know I would hate that. Anyway next thing she gets, is a bright blue jumper with bright pink writing on it, again on clearance still with the clearance sticker attached so I knew.
And again I wear black every single day. The next thing is another clearance t-shirt for Wednesday Addams, I understand that she doesn’t see this as cringe, but my sister did tell her that it’s childish which I agree but she says doesn’t matter it’s on clearance.
I do not care whatsoever about the prices of items as gifts. It just hurts me that she doesn’t know me, despite us being very close. She acts like buying gifts is an obligation rather than a want or sees it as something that can be sentimental or loving.
Another thing to add is that my dad didn’t even buy me anything.
So anyway I told her that I didn’t like them and that I’m not going to wear them. And she made a big fuss about how I was trying to make her feel guilty.
Anyway, I’m just really upset about this whole thing. I just wish she was more sentimental and loving with her gift-giving.”
Another User Comments:
“People say “it’s the thought that counts,” when it comes to gifts, but seldom take into account the thoughtlessness like the examples you provided. You are not responsible for your mum’s guilt.
If she truly believed her gifts to you were heartfelt and something you would enjoy, there would be no guilt. NTJ Example: My mom is 85. I’ve been a veg for over 40 years. Last year for Christmas she bought me “summer sausage,” smoked cheese, and crackers.
Then got butthurt because I told her to take it home with her. I mean, really?” CapricornCrude
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell your mom you aren’t going to feel guilty about not being happy about gifts she put absolutely no thought into. Tell her if that’s her best effort, it’s better she gets you nothing.
Receiving presents that were last minute and discount bin stuff is nothing but a “screw you”, and at least nothing is better than a figurative “screw you”. Then tell her not to call without an apology for the bad gifts, the bad effort, and the terrible attitude regarding her complaints about having to get you something the day before.
Then hang up. When she gaslights you, she will tell her you’re not going to feel guilty because she sucks. In the future, never get her anything but gift cards to stores she doesn’t shop at.” Infinite-Lychee-182
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom is the same way.
She buys strictly clearance stuff without a care as to whether we’ll like or even be able to use it. This year all of us got the same cutting board for Christmas because it was on clearance. The darn thing has a label that says “not for food use” or something like that.
I have two kids and another due any moment. I don’t have time for decorative cutting boards. Mind you this is the third time in 4 years that she’s given me a painted cutting board for a gift. She buys me things because it makes her look good.
Then she’ll be guilt about how much it costs if I go to donate it. Sometimes you just gotta accept that they’ll never change, hang it in the basement, and use it as a dartboard until the next dumb holiday gift comes up.” MadameYeo
25. AITJ For Not Inviting My Divorced Parents To My Wedding Due To Their Unreasonable Demands?
“I (32F) recently got engaged to a wonderful man. My parents (60s M/F) have been divorced since I was in elementary school. Their divorce was not pretty. They have only been in the same room once in the last ten years for my college graduation.
Almost immediately after we announced our engagement, parents came to me with separate and outrageous demands.
My dad made it clear he would not attend the wedding if my mother was there. (I lived with my father after the divorce due to other issues with my mom, so I am closer to my dad.) Not the biggest problem, but he also said he wouldn’t be contributing even though he is very well off.
I told him it was unfair to say both “It’s your wedding, do what you want,” and that he would not attend if my mother was there. He hasn’t returned my calls since.
My mom demanded that we use a religious officiant of her choosing, and if I didn’t, she would be left out.
My mom and I practiced different religions, and she, again, did not raise me after the divorce. The difference between our religions is substantial–not different denominations of Christianity or something. When I repeatedly said no to her religious ceremony, she said that I was not committed enough in my beliefs and it hurt her to exclude her from my wedding, while implying she would not attend a religious ceremony of my choosing.
I told my mom she didn’t have to be in my life or attend the wedding and blocked her.
Although my mother has solved my dad’s problem, I don’t want to allow my dad to enjoy the windfall of my mother’s toxic demands either. He needs to give me a sincere apology, but he is refusing to talk to me.
So now, neither of them are invited.
AITJ for not caving to their demands? These fights happened simultaneously.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Actions have consequences. Don’t invite either of them. Go low contact with each of them. Let them know how disappointed you are in their actions and you will not be inviting them to the wedding and going low contact.
If they cannot get their heads out of their behinds you will be going no contact. You’ve put up with their nonsense for years and don’t need to bend over backward to make them happy. They are grown adults and if they don’t know how to control their emotions and act like adults then you don’t need them around you.
Boo, Hoo they got divorced and hate each other. Move on and support your kids. If they need validation then they need therapy. And you, OP, are not their therapist.” Effective_Brief8295
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, because you’re nipping future problems in the bud. Your Dad doesn’t get to demand Mom not be invited. Tons of people have to sit near an ex they despise for the sake of their child(ren) at a wedding.
Some of them even have to do it when it means they have to sit near their ex and an affair partner turned SO. What is his plan if you aren’t estranged from Mom, have kids, and go to events start all over again? As for Mom, you need to think about what you’re going to do about her access to any kids you have.
If she feels that strongly about religion, you’re not going to be able to trust her not to try to convert them if she has unsupervised time with them. I don’t know how that’s going to be a sustainable situation for you.” Pale_Cranberry1502
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for expecting an apology from your Dad. You are allowed to be angry at him for his decision but he is allowed to have the boundary of not attending if your Mum is there. Expecting him to pay anything regardless of how much money he has is just entitled. Is there a specific amount you get to demand from him because your Mum isn’t going to be there?
Is it discounted because she eliminated herself? NTJ for blocking your Mum. That’s an unreasonable demand.” Ok-Blueberry-9515
24. AITJ For Installing A Lock On My Father's Shed Door?
“I (23F) am engaged to my fiance (23M) and we were living in an apartment together. We recently had an issue with a neighbor and decided to move out. The rent in the area where my parents live is significantly cheaper, so we decided to move there.
My parents (60F, 60M) want to become landlords. As we had just left our apartment, they decided this was perfect timing and they wanted to purchase a property that we could rent from them. They feel more secure renting to us compared to random people because we know them and they trust us, as sometimes renters can be unpredictable.
In the meantime, they invited us to live at home with them. We packed up our apartment and moved in. Most of our belongings are now stored in a storage shed they own. When I go in/leave, I lock the door. My father kept going in and leaving the door unlocked when he left. I’ve communicated to him that this makes me uncomfortable because all my belongings are inside.
He dismissed my complaint because he said they live in a very safe area.
The only items in this shed are mine and my fiancé’s belongings. I don’t see a reason for him to go in there in the first place, but he keeps coming up with reasons that make no sense.
Last week, I decided to put a new lock on the door with a key so I could ensure it would remain locked. I OKed it with my mother before purchasing and installing the lock. When my father found out he was furious and demanded a key.
I told him I didn’t want him going in there because he had no reason to. He said he has a right to access all areas of his property. I told him that as soon as we move out I’ll take the lock off and put his back on.
I understand that I should be grateful for the opportunity to live at home temporarily and that the property does belong to my father, but I still need boundaries regardless of where I’m living. AITJ for putting a lock on the shed door?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Moving into a rental he owns is a terrible idea. My dad sounds like your dad. We moved into a rental property he owned. He constantly showed up and let himself in, even after telling him not to a thousand times. He would move stuff around.
It drove me crazy! Don’t rent from him. It will cause all kinds of issues that you don’t want. You should be able to live in peace.” Katiew84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He wants to control you, and that happens when parents don’t admit that their children are growing.
How long will you stay there? Maybe, since you are saving rent money, you should pay for storage somewhere else. Even though he is being very nice, you should do something to say thank you, like a dinner or going to the movies as a double date.
This way, your dad won’t feel used and it is a nice way to bond.” goldandchill
23. AITJ For Refusing To Thank God For My Personal Achievements?
“I (15F) haven’t been religious for a while, around 3 or 4 years. My family doesn’t go to church anymore simply because we don’t have the time on Sundays. Recently, my parents have started praying before dinner. This prayer is always ridiculously long, like 2-3 minutes and it makes me feel uncomfortable that they make me thank God for any new skills in gymnastics or dance and for getting good grades on school stuff.
I’m not knocking anyone who does all that stuff, but those things are my achievements, my hard work, and my time. Recently I got a major skill and competed well at a gymnastics competition and won my age with the new skill in my routine.
At dinner that night, my parents asked me to thank God for allowing me to do the skill well. I said that that skill took me a year of extra hours, privates and scratching meets, and that I would not give the credit to God.
They didn’t really say anything, just stared at me for a minute, but then they sent me to my room without any food. I did eat later, but it upset me because they know I don’t believe in God and I just hit my breaking point.
It’s a little confusing because they were never super religious. I will go to church with extended family on Christmas and Easter, and I told them that, but they said “In this family, we thank God for letting us succeed”. The other thing is that we don’t have family dinners often, because I usually eat at gymnastics, so I don’t want the few dinners we have to turn into a glaring contest.
Today I told them that I wasn’t going to pray with them anymore and they said that if I wouldn’t pray at dinner I could eat by myself in another room. I got pretty mad and said that all they had to do was let me sit there while they prayed and that I had no problem with that.
Then they said I was being difficult and that it was a family tradition, which it wasn’t because we only started praying again recently. Am I just being a difficult jerk or are they wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it kinda sounds like they’re (wrongly) worried about you becoming vain or some stuff, so they’re trying to get you to give credit elsewhere.
Next time they ask you to give thanks, I’d do something like “Sure. I’d like to give thanks to my coach for taking the hours, you two for driving me to/paying for lessons, to my body for putting up with this, to my friends for supporting me, etc”.” clanculcarius
Another User Comments:
“NTJ long time experience going through exactly that it’s infuriating and demoralizing when they give credit for your accomplishments to God. You’re already accommodating them enough to sit through it. But from personal experience, while you’re under their roof, it’s easier to go along with it to a minimal extent.
Or maybe give thanks for other things not specifically God but that also depends on how extreme your parents’ reaction would be or if you want to deal with the discomfort it would create for however long they hold a grudge that older generation of parents are some of the most stubborn and hypocritical people I’ve ever met” J_English_007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but, You live with them, they pay for your gymnastics, they put a roof over your head, they feed you. If they’re going to be intractable on this, as it seems they’ve decided to be (who calls their child “difficult” to her face?
That’s some solid Christian parenting, right there) then you’re not going to be able to make them see reason. All you’re going to do is make more trouble for yourself. I’d suggest you do what I did: Put your head down and fake it until you’re out, then once you’ve got your independence.” namesaremptynoise
22. AITJ For Accidentally Causing My Cousin's Breakup Over A Lip Gloss?
“Me (19f) and my cousin (19m) have been close ever since we were babies as we are very similar in age (he’s only 3 months older than me).
My cousin recently got a partner and she’s controlling, to say the least. My cousin has expressed multiple times that he feels the need to constantly walk on eggshells around her but stays because he truly does love her. I was concerned about my cousin because I know what having a controlling partner can do to your mental health but I didn’t interfere.
A week ago, I had a very important badminton game for my school and both my parents were at work so they couldn’t drive me. My cousin who had recently gotten his driver’s license offered to drive me and I was very thankful. On the hour drive it took to get there, we spoke about his partner and how she was doing a lot better and she wasn’t as controlling as she was.
I was happy to hear this. We got to the school and I thanked him. I got out of the car but didn’t realize that one of my lip glosses had fallen out of my bag and under the passenger seat. My cousin didn’t realize this either and drove away.
The game went amazingly and my dad picked me up after having finished work by that point. When I looked at my phone I had a bunch of missed calls from my cousin and my aunt. I quickly called my cousin back and he told me what happened. He picked his partner up to go on a date and she found the lip gloss under the seat.
She completely freaked out on him and didn’t listen when he tried to explain what had happened. She broke up with him on the spot and got out of the car. My cousin doesn’t blame me but my aunt and a few of my family members are saying I should’ve been more careful with what falls out of my bag.
I feel horrible that my mistake ended up leaving my cousin so hurt but a part of me thinks I shouldn’t be blamed for an accident and misunderstanding. So AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t see how you broke them up. His partner’s insecurities are what broke them up, she didn’t want to listen to what your cousin had to say because in her head she already had made up what happened. Truth be told if this was all it took for them to break up it would happen sooner or later.
I understand you feel bad because your cousin is hurting, but it’s not your fault, you didn’t even do it on purpose, if anyone is a jerk it’s your family members blaming you.” lly_leo
Another User Comments:
“You accidentally did your cousin a phenomenal favor.
Breaking up over a lip gloss meant that she wasn’t a real partner and that she was super jealous and controlling. Just annoying. But let’s get rid of your cousin who was with her for one reason the one reason only, Teens need to learn the difference between good companionship and actual love.
Because he was not in love with her fully, he was there because they fooled around. Your honest mistake saved him a lot of annoyance NTJ” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And the family members who are blaming you are ridiculous, so they wanted your cousin to stay with a controlling jerk?
You unintentionally did him a huge favor. For all his ex knew, that lipstick could’ve been his mom’s. Imagine expecting your partner to never have females (including family members) in his car, she is ridiculous and so darn insecure. She needs therapy, not a partner.
Your cousin had a lucky escape.” ThornedRoseWrites
21. AITJ For Telling My Partner I Don't Want To Hear Her Work Complaints Anymore?
“My (33M) partner (31F) works in the fashion industry and she seems unhappy in her job ever since I met her 3 years ago. All she does is complain to me about her boss, about the work culture, and about the projects she gets stuck with, but she never followed any of my (many) suggestions to deal with it, such as a) getting HR involved; b) applying for other jobs in other companies; c) straight up quitting if things are so unbearable as she makes it seem.
Our time together was getting compromised because we couldn’t relax and enjoy each other’s company if she was constantly in a bad mood because of work. So last night, when she started to vent once again, I told her I gave her my take on this matter many times before, I shared all my ideas and possible solutions already, and if she’s keen on doing nothing yet hoping things will change, then I don’t want to hear her complaining about the job anymore.
She got very upset and told me that if she can’t share what’s on her mind with me, then I’m not being there for her, that I’m withdrawing emotional support, and that’s controlling behavior on my part to try to “limit” what she can say.
I don’t see things this way at all, but I’m wondering if I was a jerk for being so blunt about it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she secretly enjoys being the ‘victim’ and she feels good about constantly complaining about her life. You tried to help her, you did your part.
Run as it won’t be a healthy relationship, it will become toxic. She doesn’t want change, she doesn’t want to improve her work environment, she just wants to whine. I’ve met people like her! It’s emotionally draining.” Curiobizz
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here Some people just want to be able to vent and express their feelings without being offered solutions. Trying to always problem-solve when your partner is venting can lead to conflicts like this. (I say this as a “problem-solver” type myself – I’ve had to learn to listen to my husband vent + offer sympathy WITHOUT trying to problem-solve all the time.) That said, if she really is THIS miserable to be around due to her job, I can see why you’re trying to put limits on this conversation.” andromache97
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was her once. I loved my job but hated a couple of my co-workers and would rant to my partner nightly. He also (rightly) got sick of it. He offered a compromise. I got 10 minutes to rant every night, he’d listen/reply, but then I was done.
I got my feelings out and he got the rest of the night in peace. It worked well. You’re not being controlling, but if she’s not willing to compromise, you could argue she is. She probably didn’t mean it and is just being defensive, because she knows it’s not healthy.” otterpics
20. AITJ For Not Cancelling My Annual Trip For My Sister's Unplanned Wedding?
“My (35f) little sister (29f) got engaged last summer but has not started planning her wedding. She always talked about a September wedding so I made sure to keep September free from any travels (since it’s the month where I normally travel). Last week my sister suddenly told me she is planning her wedding for August 17th which is very unfortunate.
Not only have I already booked a room for that time it’s also a trip I have organised every year since 2010 (it’s always around August 15th since that’s a national holiday in my country and gives me an extra vacation day).
She on the other hand has not booked anything yet, does not even have a location or anything but wants me to cancel my plans over this.
So am I the jerk? I do martial arts and my trip is a training camp for the national squad and trainers that’s happening every year and I am also the one planning it.
Also, my sister insists on this date because it’s the last one this year for midday (12 pm?).
Everything else would be 10 am and that’s too early for her. No special attachment to this day whatsoever”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She wasn’t booked anything and may not get that date anyway. With mine, we found a few dates we liked and asked important people if they had plans.
You have to plan around other’s plans or expect them not to come. You can’t expect them to cancel.” thewhiterosequeen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, especially, if your booking is non-refundable. One of the first steps in wedding planning is checking on the availability of the “essential” guests – the ones you want to be with you on your wedding day – and doing your best to accommodate them.
I’ll change my judgment to no jerks here, though, if your sister has a compelling reason why the wedding *has* to be during your trip – for example, if her fiancé is in the military and this is the one break between training and assignments.
If that’s the case, I’d cancel/reschedule my trip and go to the wedding. If she wants this date because someone else has a conflict, then Sis will just have to choose whose plans to accommodate. If it’s not yours, you have a tough decision to make.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your sister is leaning in that direction. Keep repeating to her: “I’m so sorry that I’m forced to miss your happy day. I can’t wait to see the pictures when I get back from my trip. It’s a shame you specifically picked a day when you knew I’d be gone but I’m sure you had your reasons.” No matter what she says keep responding “I’m sorry that I’m forced to miss your happy day.
I look forward to seeing the pictures when I return.” celticmusebooks
19. AITJ For Wanting My Autistic Daughter To Dress More Her Age?
“I (50sF) have a college-aged daughter with autism “Sol”. She’s very bright and very capable, she’s a dual major in college and she has a job she absolutely loves and does very well in.
For the most part, a lot of Sol’s interests skew younger than what kids her age are usually into. She loves coloring and building toys like magnet blocks, swings, and stuffed toys, she doesn’t watch anything above PG aside from Harry Potter. She’s petite enough that she fits in clothes from the kid’s section, which she says are usually far more her style.
I’m okay with all of this! I have no problem getting her toys for presents or taking her to build a bear. If I’m honest, I would greatly prefer this over her getting pregnant and getting involved with illicit substances.
The problem I have is I worry about her being able to be taken seriously.
She genuinely looks about 12 or 13, which is great because she can get away with some of the kid stuff longer, but it’s less great when she’s away from me and immediately gets asked where her parents are. I’m worried that in some situations, dressing and acting like she does makes people see her as an incapable kid instead of the grown-up she is.
It’s only out of concern that I even mention it, but Sol sees it as me expecting her to grow up and act like she would without the disability, which she physically can’t do and I don’t expect her to. She’s pointed out that she isn’t treated any differently in “adult” clothes and doesn’t see why she should have to be “boring” because she’s a certain number.
It’s also a complete non-issue at her job (daycare, the kids LOVE her), but what about when she’s in a different job down the road?
My question is if I am the jerk for mentioning it. I had her late and what’s appropriate these days has changed since I was her age.
It does seem like being a kid at heart is much less stigmatized now than in 1990. I love Sol the way she is and I will never stop, I’m just worried about the rest of the world. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – what you are saying makes sense, but I think you might be looking for trouble where none yet exists.
What you could perhaps do is to help her to buy some clothes and learn some mannerisms so that *if* she has to pass, she’s able to. I think that viewing it as a skill that should be learned just in case it’s necessary is more relevant and puts it into a more appropriate light for both you and your daughter than assuming that it has to inevitably become her default method of presentation.” Proof_Option1386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Congratulations! You raised a child who is employed and earning a double major in university, so her employer and her university take her seriously despite her clothing style. Let her indulge her interests and dress like a kid; it hasn’t hindered her so far.” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, she has a stable job and the way she dresses doesn’t affect her work. What is she going to school for? It sounds like she looks young either way, and she’s dressing in a way that makes her happy. If she was working a job that required her to wear different clothes, she would be fully capable, but she does not need to in school or at her current job.
Being a double major with a childcare job is impressive, she is doing something right if she can be successful with that. She feels comfortable enough in her skin to present in a way that brings her joy. Don’t mess that up based on your idea of what looks “adult” or “professional.” invertedpomegranate
18. AITJ For Letting My Foster Brother Get a Lip Piercing Without His Parents' Permission?
“My (M19) brother (M15) lives with his foster parents, Gail (F, 50s) and George (M, mid-50s). He’s been living with them for the past ten years, they’ve even gotten to the point where they want to adopt him before he legally becomes an adult, but it’s been a struggle.
I do see him occasionally, although usually the time we spend together is overlooked by Gail. She is overprotective of Gene to a fault, she acts as though he is five, not fifteen. They just don’t seem to understand that he is a teenager now, not a child who needs to be forced into conforming to their useless rules.
He isn’t allowed to dictate what he looks like, I once bought him a band t-shirt that he asked for, and it was confiscated for being ‘inappropriate.’ – it was a The Smiths t-shirt. Any sort of ‘alternative’ aesthetic he tries to go for is shut down.
He’s not allowed to stay out with his friends past 8 pm, and Gail seems to think that our relationship is unhealthy because we hug each other, and because he once fell asleep with his head on my lap.
It was his birthday recently, I took him up to Manchester for it.
At one point, we ended up going into Affleck’s, and at the back of one of the shops was a piercing studio. As I had a fair bit of money on myself, I offered to pay for him to get a piercing – he ended up getting his lip done.
We even bought him a clear retainer for when he has to go to school.
His parents were not pleased, however, and Gene texted me about them getting very upset over it. The last time I came over to their place to see Gene, they started berating me for not asking their permission beforehand, saying that if he got an infection his placement could’ve been jeopardized and that I had no right to make that call on allowing him to modify his body.
I saw nothing wrong with it, I mean he’s old enough to decide if he wants a removable piece of metal in his face or not. But now, I am curious what other people would think.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They are right, you do not have the authority to decide that.
And it could have jeopardized his placement. His placement with the only parents he has ever known. The parents who have raised him for the past decade. This was an immature decision that also could have led to you being restricted from being able to have time with him.
I doubt that was worth it.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. >I once bought him a band t-shirt that he asked for, and it was confiscated for being ‘inappropriate They are overprotective enough to suck. >he’s old enough to decide if he wants a removable piece of metal in his face or not That’s not for you to decide.
Even if a body modification isn’t necessarily permanent, it’s still up to a child’s guardians whether they should be allowed to make that choice.” dishonestgandalf
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Parents are in charge, and that’s true even when you disagree with them. There are often complaints from parents frustrated because the grandparents won’t follow their rules, and everyone here agrees that it’s completely out of line.
This is the same. To be clear, I agree with you. It sounds like your parents are too strict and I think that style of parenting often backfires on older kids. I mean, in 3 years your brother will be a legal adult and he can just walk out of the door.
But even though I agree with you, you are still the jerk. (Parents may also be. Probably are, but I’m not sure I have enough info on that one.)” SushiGuacDNA
17. AITJ For Being Exasperated At My Brother's Decision To Have A Third Child?
“I (26M) have a brother who we will call Lucas (23M).
He and his fiancée Lily (24F) have two little ones, ages 3 and 1. They just announced they were expecting their third, and my first reaction was an exasperated sigh, which understandably angered them. I explained myself as best as I could but they are still insisting I’m a jerk who “hates their kids.”
Here’s the thing. I love my nephew and niece, and I am going to love the third. But Lucas and Lily require so much help already that having a planned third right now seems… unwise.
Since my niece was born (the 3-year-old) Lucas has lost three jobs.
He left the first job willingly for another one that, my fiancée, and our parents all tried to tell him was a scam, and it was. His first job wouldn’t hire him back. He recently lost his third job because he got into a shouting match with coworkers over something minor.
He’s now trying to launch his own business. Our dad gave him a hefty loan, but Lucas has spent it poorly and his business is not going to take off anytime soon. Additionally, they moved from their 2-bedroom apartment into a 3-bedroom, which I get, but they can’t afford it.
Every couple of months our mother would put money out for their rent.
Lily works very part-time. Lucas is trying to do DoorDash as much as he can. I watch the kids in some capacity 3 days a week, and they stay the night with me once per week.
I do this because I love them and their home environment isn’t the best because Lucas and Lily are always stressed and arguing. On top of working myself, this is tiring.
Now that the third is on the way, I know they will need more money and more help, and I get more tired thinking about it.
I apologized for my initial reaction but they’re saying I’m a jerk and don’t like them or their kids.
I also noticed they didn’t cancel me watching them this week so I’m not sure if they feel that way.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they’re struggling already it makes sense that you’re exasperated that they’re planning a third. I’d reiterate that you love your niece/nephew but that they’ve been needing a lot of help from you and your mom.
I’d stop giving them rent money, by the way. They probably feel they can handle a third because they make it with you and your mom’s help. They’re taking advantage of you quite a bit.” fckinsleepless
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should stop helping them; they’re not your responsibility.
They keep being irresponsible because they always have someone to support them and clean up their mistakes. If you keep helping them, they’ll never learn. You are giving away money that you should be saving for your future and time that you should use with things you like.
You might end up not wanting kids of your own because you are taking care of his kids. You’ll ruin your relationship if you don’t stop supporting them. Your fiancé cannot be happy with you throwing away money and spending so much time with your nephews.
Think about your future with your fiancé.” HilMickaelson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You explained your reaction and they say you hate kids but still have you scheduled to watch them?! They are the jerks. Here is the thing I would suggest putting boundaries in place with how much you are willing to help both with your time and your finances.
Both of my kids are young adults now but when they were young we were poor and yes our parents helped us financially two or three times in about five years. When I say helped financially once was to pay a $65 bill and the other time groceries were bought for us.
We struggled but we made sure we provided for our kids because we knew that we would not be bailed out. The two times we were it was not because we asked. My whole point is that sometimes helping does more harm than good. It is hard in this economy for most so I do feel for them.” sledding
16. AITJ For Not Telling My Partner I Don't Like Runny Eggs?
“I (28M) spent last night at the apartment of my partner of three months (24F); we usually hang out in my place but this weekend her roommates were out of town and she had the place all to herself.
This morning she treated me to breakfast, which was a nice gesture, but that included sunny side eggs with runny yolk, and I always had a thing with runny yolks. I told her that, and she looked upset. She said I could have told her while she was making the eggs.
I said I was sorry, I forgot. She was acting like I was just being a picky eater and not appreciative of her gesture.
Honestly, her reaction freaked me out a bit because it seemed so over the top. But I’m still feeling bad about it and wondering if AITJ is here for refusing it.
Edit: additional info. A lot of people asked for more information about what we said and how things transpired: I was in the kitchen and could see she was breaking eggs into the pan, but wasn’t paying attention as we were talking about other things.
So I saw she was making eggs but didn’t notice what kind; she didn’t ask me how I’d like them and I also didn’t remember to ask. I only noticed it was sunny-side up when we sat down to eat.
I said: “Oh baby, I forgot you didn’t know, I have a thing with runny eggs”.
She didn’t say anything for a second, then grabbed the plate and went back to the pan. I told her I could do it, but she told me she’d do it. She came back like 1 minute later and I told her thanks. And then I noticed she seemed upset.
I asked her what was the matter. She said I could have told her how I liked my eggs. That’s when I said I’m sorry, I forgot. And I then she said: I didn’t know you were such a picky eater – and remained upset for most of our breakfast, while I tried to change the subject.
I thought her reaction (even getting upset with something so minor) was indeed over the top and that’s the first time I see her behave like this. When I said it freaked me out it was because we’re still in a new relationship and getting to know each other.”
Another User Comments:
“She wanted to do something nice for you. You had an immediate criticism, which probably made her think you hated the whole effort, even after explaining to her the issue you had. Have a conversation with your partner, and let her know you really liked her gesture and that you were at fault for not clarifying how you preferred your eggs, you are still getting to know each other and accidents happen.
More than anything reassure her that you enjoyed her thoughtfulness and effort” Verdugo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you truly feel like her reaction was over the top or that it’s not okay for her to be a bit disappointed in her feelings. It doesn’t sound like you did a very good job of complimenting and validating the work she did.
Nothing you described from her is outrageous or jerk material. Should she have asked? She could have been sure, but she was probably caught up with the idea of treating you to a specific meal. You could have told her, but it was easily resolved when she cooked them more for you.
NTJ for not forcing yourself to eat the eggs as is but you gotta work on your communication and not treat her like she’s being irrational when she is mildly upset and doing more work for you.” Familiar_Season8438
Another User Comments:
“You know what, no jerks here.
You’re early on in the relationship and you both missed to communicate. She could’ve asked you how you like your eggs before she made them and you could’ve said something while she made it knowing it’s for both of you. You both should see this as a learning opportunity for the future.
She probably felt a bit hurt because she wanted to do something nice for you and felt like she disappointed you with the way she did. Not that you were but maybe she’s unsure because this is so new.” Popular-Block-5790
15. AITJ For Considering Reporting My Grandmother-In-Law For Illegally Feeding Deer?
“My (33F) husband’s grandparents live in a cottage on our property. There’s a lot of history with these people, but in the interest of brevity, let’s just say that our relationship is superficial. We aren’t capable of heart-to-heart and have issues with communication.
So here’s the thing: We live in the mountains of Colorado where wildlife is a daily part of our life. I’m talking deer, elk, bear, fox, mountain lion, etc. It’s my favorite thing about being here. But the deer are just different than they are in other parts of the country (at least from what I’ve observed).
They are very comfortable with people and can easily be “trained” if locals aren’t careful.
The grandmother has taken to feeding the deer, to the point that they line up at her front door, waiting for a treat. This is a problem for several reasons:
1. The deer are becoming aggressive. My husband tried to get out of his car with groceries and they surrounded him. Thankfully they didn’t escalate but it was eerily disconcerting.
2. The more she feeds them, the more show up. We have literal herds of deer in our backyard.
They poop everywhere, and I’ve started picking up the deer poop to keep our dogs from eating it. Deer poop carries all kinds of disease- you don’t want it all over your backyard.
3. It’s illegal and highly frowned upon in our community.
We’ve talked to her about it directly. We asked her daughter (my husband’s mom) to talk to her about it. She always says she’ll stop, and then a few weeks later, I see her throwing apples out of the front door again.
I’ve tried printing out literature explaining why it’s a bad idea to feed the deer but she won’t listen.
I’ve got just one potential course of action left: To report her to Parks & Wildlife. They’ll come to the cottage, educate her, and charge her a $100 fine.
If she won’t listen to me, maybe she’ll listen to the authorities (especially if money is involved).
But a little part of me says that it’s a real jerk move to report an elderly lady to the authorities who just can’t help but feed cute wilderness animals….
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Call them anonymously and claim you are a neighbor that is frightened by the deer coming to your door. You have asked the neighbor to stop and she said it’s her in-laws, and they just won’t stop. Giving her the idea that all the neighbors are sick of her and are willing to get the law involved MIGHT be enough to get her to stop.
In the meantime, keep an eye out that she doesn’t start putting out apples on YOUR front doorstep. If you don’t have cameras already, GET SOME.” proud_didi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But there is another way. It is not a good idea to feed wildlife around the property for just the obvious reasons you stated. But what you can do is have grandma join the local group that cares for injured or abandoned wildlife nurse them back to health and then release them back into the wild.
That way grandma can get her feedbag on in a more positive direction and way and you don’t have a herd of Bambies causing a nuisance at your home.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – That’s not a huge fine and having authorities come over and talk may not even stop her, but it’s worth a try.
But I wouldn’t attempt to hide it through an anonymous tip. I’d tell her kindly and directly that it needs to stop for the clear reasons you’ve laid out (lean heavily on it not being good for the deer). Tell her (and the entire family) that you (and hopefully your husband as well) will report her to authorities if you find feeding the deer again.
There will be no more warnings. Both because this has gone on long enough and she’s not a child. Whatever you do, just don’t add weird drama in trying to hide it.” Cam23806
14. AITJ For Saying I Would Never Date My Best Friend, Offending His Partner?
“So I 20f have been friends with James 20m for almost 4 years now.
We have always gotten along very well, but neither of us has been romantically involved with each other, always refused to kiss each other while playing truth or dare, etc, we have a strictly platonic relationship.
He has had a few partners over the years, I have gotten along fairly well with all of them and one is even still one of my closest friends despite them breaking up.
A few of these have been uncomfortable with me and James but after hanging out a couple of times all has been well.
He got a new partner about 1 month ago, I have never met her before, and neither has anyone else in our friend group.
We had planned to go out yesterday and have the pregame at my apartment. They all came and we had a pretty good time, getting inebriated, making jokes, and trying to get to know Amy (his partner). She seemed very nice and we talked for a few minutes.
Then from nowhere, she said that I should watch it and that she knows all about my type. I was kind of taken aback and asked what she was referring to. She told me she knew I wanted James but that she would not let that happen.
I laughed and said that I would never touch him or think about him in that kind of way, not in a million years. I said it kind of jokingly but she took offense. She asked if I thought I was so much prettier than her, that I thought she had low standards because she was seeing him etc. I said that I did not think anything bad about her, but James is just not my type and therefore I would not go after him.
She scoffed and said “Sure”.
They left after this and James texted me this morning telling me that if I was going to be disrespectful to his partner, he would have to cut me off and that he thought better of me. I am now starting to think I was a jerk for saying what I said.”
Another User Comments:
” NTJ. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’d simply tell James “I’m not sure what Amy said transpired, but based on her line of questioning she made some incorrect assumptions about what I meant when I said I was not interested in you.
I would hope that you know I would never intentionally be disrespectful or rude to anyone you date.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“OP, you didn’t say anything wrong. The GF came after *you*, in your own home, and thought she could lay down the law.
Hahahahaha. It sounds like James has taken the Kool-Aid. Stop inviting James and his so *very* possessive and insecure GF anywhere for any reason, if he is going to be like that. Hopefully, this nonsense will not break up your friend group. NTJ” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She came at you first and now she’s playing to be the one disrespected? IMO she deserved it. You were just being honest and respectful about your friendship with James. It’s not your fault if his partner took it the wrong way. James should know better than to cut you off over this.
Hopefully, he realizes how ridiculous she’s being and comes to his senses. People sometimes misunderstand, but you didn’t do anything wrong.” DreamyDahliaDance
13. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Room To My Spoiled Sister?
“I (15M) was never given anything for my own, everything was a hand me down from my siblings despite being from a middle-class family.
I never got gifts for my birthday and was expected to be grateful to have a roof above my head. On the other hand, my sister is a spoiled brat who somehow is the favorite child, she gets what she wants on the same day no matter how expensive it may be and she still thinks she deserves more.
The story begins with me having a shared room with my brother, and him having a room inside mine. Ever since he moved out, my sister has taken his room and locked herself to “study” or “work”, and she can enter my room without permission like it is a hallway, when she begins to work, my parents force me to leave the room, and I’m not allowed to enter mine or her room since it’s hers.
Today, I decided to stay in the room and tell her to just study in hers and she went insane, she told my parents and they sided with her of course, and told me to leave and find a new place to live.
Since then, I went to live with my grandparents who were welcoming and gave me my room.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your parents are horrid though, never forget this lad, never forget the way they have treated you. They will change their mind they will want you back it might be next week or next year or in a decade but they will realize their mistake and then it will be “family” this and “we love you that” and “forgive us so we can feel better about our terrible parenting” never forget this treatment and they aren’t worthy of forgiveness either.
Also, don’t let them spin the narrative you tell anyone who will listen to the truth.” Varkyvark
Another User Comments:
“I had this type of stuff happen to me as a child. The confusion and unfairness is deafening. If it helps, in the long run, your sister will have a hard time being an adult.
She won’t understand why no one likes her. When your parents hassle you only reply with facts and keep it short. ‘You spoil and indulge my sister’ ‘You indulge her and neglect me’ ‘Your unfair parenting is criminal and toxic’ ‘You have lost me as a child and you have made a monster in my sister’ Do not try reason or plead.
Your parents are too far gone for decency and reason. You could also say ‘Your treatment is unacceptable and I am leaving’ and then just stare at them. If they keep going say ‘I have given you my answer, you did this to yourself’ and ‘If you want to talk more go to a therapist’.
Look up the grey rock technique and I hope you can get free and get away ASAP. Sending some cyber warmth.” HedyHarlowe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your parents kicking you out as a minor is illegal. Their behavior, especially your mother’s and sisters are abusive.
I’d look up scapegoat and golden child dynamic. Call CPS and explain everything. Call your grandparents if they won’t let you leave again or if they keep punishing you. This isn’t ok and it’s not normal family behavior.” Silaquix
12. AITJ For Not Reminding My Husband About My Prenatal Appointment?
“Let me start by explaining my husband(29M) and I (28F) have been going through a rough patch in the last few months.
I would say for the last 3-4 months, I’ve been asking him to be more present at home and focus on spending more time with me and my 12-month-old son instead of going out with his friends. My husband works usually 10 hours a day Mon-Fri and most of the day Sat so the only day we get to spend time together is on Sundays.
The problem is that there are days during the week when he can leave work and instead of coming home he always wants to go with friends and hang out. I don’t mind him having time with his friends the problem is that he would rather hang out with friends all the time and make no time for us.
The bigger problem is that since I’ve asked him to be home more instead of going with friends, he has started to lie about small things like when he’s coming home or what he’s actually doing or just not telling me that he’s going with friends when he’s supposed to be going to work.
We had a huge argument this past weekend because he went to work and then an hour into “work” he called to ask if he could go hang out with friends. I told him no I wanted him to come home instead and he decided to go with his friends anyway, He was gone all day.
We haven’t spoken much since then unless it’s about our son. He’s also been sleeping in our spare room since that day (his choice) and I’ve made it clear how I feel about everything.
Now, I am almost 7 months pregnant and have an important prenatal appointment which he has known for since it was scheduled almost a month ago.
I constantly remind him of things like this which I have been, I have reminded him of this appointment a couple of times but have not said anything for the past few days since we aren’t speaking.
So, AITJ for not reminding him and just going to the appointment by myself since he hasn’t made much effort to speak to me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s an adult- if he can’t keep important appointments on a calendar and make it a priority to be there, he doesn’t need to be there. You two need to have some serious conversations before this baby shows up.
Some counseling might be helpful. I certainly would hesitate to raise children with someone who lied to me regularly.” SpicyTurtle38
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He needs to grow up and be a responsible father and husband. I wouldn’t remind him of anything. Maybe suggest counseling but if won’t do that or make any changes, I’d be seriously looking into a separation and probable divorce.
He sounds like he causes more stress than he is worth.” Fearless_Ad1685
Another User Comments:
“You should have a problem with this. You’re letting him do this. Why? He has a family. He has a child. That should be his priority. I don’t know why you put up with it.
And you already have one child with him. Why in the world would you have another with a man who doesn’t respect you or your child? I don’t get why people do this. Then they’re on here asking this stuff. Honey, he’s probably being unfaithful.
No way he prioritizes his friends over a wife, baby, AND work? Find some family or friends and run. NTJ for reminding him of his role. But I’d rethink this relationship.” LatterPhilosopher355
11. AITJ For Calling My Future Mother-In-Law Racist Over Our Wedding Plans?
“I am 25 years old and soon getting married to my fiance, who is 27.
I was born in America but I am Japanese, as my parents are Japanese but moved to America before they knew my mom was pregnant with me. I’ve always embraced my culture and it’s a prominent thing in my life. My fiance has no issue with this however it’s evident his mother does.
She always has made a point to say something about my features regarding my background, like my eyes, or something about my culture and how different it is from hers. I’ve been trying to be nice to her and avoid her when it isn’t necessary to be around her, but I haven’t said anything about it.
Now that me and my fiance are planning our wedding, she wants to be 100% involved. She wants to pay for at least half of it, and deal with the venues and other things, despite my fiance’s protests, she insists. Once she has made up her mind you can’t do anything about it.
Before telling people that we were getting married, I told my fiance I wanted the ceremony to be a traditional Japanese wedding and he seemed honored by that and immediately began to get to know the wedding traditions. When we told his mom that we wanted it to be a traditional Japanese wedding, she looked shocked.
She says that we live in America and we should only have American weddings here, not ones that interfere with what’s right and what’s wrong and affect the country (her exact words)
Me and my fiance were shocked, and both went off on her. While he was calling her rude and disgusting, I called her a racist jerk, and she began crying and telling me that I was being so unkind after everything she’d done.
Even though my fiance has reassured me multiple times that I’ve done the right thing, I still feel upset with myself for saying what I did, as I rarely curse and am not usually that rude. FIL has begun telling my fiance that until I apologize for my actions they will not contribute to the wedding or will be coming.
AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- the words were strong but this is a build-up of years dealing with sly racist comments. Tell FIL that you will apologize when MIL apologizes for the year of racist comments about your culture, and features and her demanding that her culture is more important than yours.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is good practice for setting boundaries and calling out bad behavior. Your FMIL shouldn’t be planning your wedding. If her financial contribution equates to her having full control, then don’t let her contribute that way. Your fiance has stood up to her so you know he’s in your corner and that’s half the battle here.
Never, ever, feel bad about calling out racism. She can cry all she wants, but she’s a racist and deserved that comment.” MissKrys2020
10. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Sister's Partner Over His Constant Tesla Bragging?
“I (25M) blew up on my sister’s (21F) partner (24M) after months of him constantly bragging about his Tesla?
I met him a few months ago and it seemed like his entire personality was his Tesla, I would say stuff like “I have to stop at the gas station” and he would say “What’s that I haven’t heard about it in years” or make stupid comments that would lead back to him owning a Tesla Model 3.
I didn’t mind it at first but then it became to the point where he was always bringing it up every time in conversation and everyone seemed annoyed by it.
I’m pretty successful in my career, selling one of my businesses for around low 8 figures a year ago and started investing in low-risk investments, I have been living a modest life, own a small 3bd house, starting another business in pest control, and a 2023 civic sport that I paid for in cash.
One thing I can’t stand is someone bragging or being flashy about money.
Today, my brother and I were talking about buying a car and he came in and insisted on buying a Tesla because it’s the future of cars, he was bragging about the entire thing and trying to convince my brother that even with the high price it’s worth it.
It didn’t bother me until he said “Don’t end up like your brother buying a Honda Civic, they’re trash”
I blew up at that point telling him he didn’t know what he was talking about, he’s wanted to look rich and pretend to be rich because he had a Tesla meanwhile he was living at his parent’s house.
I then proceeded to tell him that I had enough money to buy 10 of his Teslas in cash and it’s really not impressive but rather makes him seem like a moron trying to brag about owning a Tesla, and If you want to pretend to be rich you should back the talk instead of leasing a Tesla.
This made him upset and left my parent’s house immediately.
Both my sister and parents are mad at me because he was trying to be helpful and they thought I was being rude and bragging about my money.
So, AITJ for telling my sister’s partner nobody cares about his Tesla?”
Another User Comments:
“Glad you’ve had success in your life. The Tesla guy is being a tremendous jerk. Calling him “fake rich” was a poor move though. No class at all. I understand he was annoying you, but that’s the kind of petty stuff you should seek to avoid.
I would try to make amends and explain why the constant Tesla fanboying annoyed you so much. Also, op. My guy. You can’t say stuff like “hate when people brag about their money” and then make the entire post a humble brag about how successful you are.
You kind of are a giant hypocrite” SnazzyTater.
Another User Comments:
“The guy is insecure. The Tesla is the only thing he feels he has. He lives at home. Throughout the whole post, you say how you are humble and hate it when people flex.
You flexed hard, all over this post. No one needed to know about your income or how much you sold your company for… Even that you had a company. Have a little class and don’t punch down.” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Not Picking Up My Husband's Nephew During Our Road Trip?
“A week ago I took my son (4) on a trip with my mom, my aunt, and my sister and her two kids (3 and 1). We drove to a town about 9 hours from home on Monday to spend the week and we drove back on Friday.
At some point while I was away my husband must have mentioned to his brother where we had gone and our plans for coming back Friday. As it happens my brother-in-law’s 9-year-old son lives about 2 hours from where we were staying and it was in the same direction as our road trip back home.
My husband’s brother asked him to ask me if I could pick up his son on our way back to town to save him from his bi-weekly drive.
I considered saying yes but in the end declined for a few reasons. The main one being it would delay our drive by several hours as we would have had to wait until 2.30 pm (when he finishes school) to drive the last 7 hours of the trip meaning the earliest I could have gotten home would have been 10 pm.
We originally planned to start our road trip at 8 am so we could get home around 6/7 pm.
When I got home my husband seemed a little off with me. After our son went to bed we got into a fight where he basically called me selfish for not picking up his nephew and making his brother drive all day when I could have done something nice for him by simply swinging by.
In my opinion, it’s not that simple and I don’t think I should have anything to do with my BIL’s custody schedule. It’s his fault he now has to drive 18 hours every other week to see his son. The mom is just some random girl he got pregnant with, he has 2 older sons who also don’t live with him, and 2 more kids with his current partner.
The whole situation is a mess of his own making. On top of that, my husband is saying I should have done something nice for his brother when his brother doesn’t even like me and has never even pretended to either.
Was I the jerk for not picking up his nephew?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Ask your husband when he’s going to volunteer to drive his nephew. Since it’s such an easy thing to do, and would help out his brother, your husband can do it. It’s not okay for him to expect seven people to wait around several hours to pick this kid up.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“How big is your vehicle that you can fit 3 car seats and 4 adults PLUS another kid, along with whatever luggage and supplies you need for the week? I applaud you for being brave enough to drive 9 hours with little kids in the car; I had to limit our trips to 6 hours as that is all I could tolerate.
NTJ. What did your husband and his brother think you were supposed to do for 4+ hours while waiting for the kid? Particularly with 3 littles? That kind of delay adds more than just travel time. You have to add in meal breaks and increased potty stops too.” lizbaby42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ please call your husband a jerk on my account. You weren’t ALONE You had both your child and other family with you and you sure as heck would have been at least extremely rude to make all of them wait for your husband’s brother to put HIS RESPONSIBILITY on YOU.
You did what you should have if you were alone maybe but as is heck no NTJ” Organic_Start_420
8. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Sister-In-Law Name My Baby?
“I (28F) am 5 months pregnant with my first baby with my husband (31M). Both sides of the family are really happy with the news since it’s the first grandbaby of the family. Things have been rough on me, with sickness, body aches and emotions being in high gear lately.
Yesterday, my SIL (25F) came over with MIL (50F) to give us some gifts. They’re family heirlooms for the baby, that were at my husband’s grandmother’s home. We were all talking and having a good laugh when the topic of naming the baby came up, and my SIL beamed up and said “She can’t wait to name that cutie pie!”.
This kinda took me aback. I do know, that in my husband’s culture, it’s the paternal aunt who names the child, but I just find it kinda odd. I’ll agree that the perfect names can come out of nowhere, even my name was given to me by my late great-grandmother but the final call was my parents’.
I asked SIL if she had thought of any names, and well the names she said, are not something I want for my baby for personal reasons. I told SIL “I don’t like the names”, to which MIL kinda gave me a stink eye and said, “Those are really beautiful names, hubby and you should think about them, considering this name will stay with your baby forever” ( even more the reason why I don’t want the names ).
SIL got a bit defensive and told me that she researched it from the internet and they were the prettiest names she found, to which I said “They’re pretty but not something that’d go well with the last name ( we’re hyphenating the baby’s name with my maiden name and hubby’s last name ).
I think at this point a passive-aggressive argument started, for about 15 minutes until Hubby came back.
Hubby and I talked after they left and he agreed that we should be the ones to decide the baby’s name, but my reaction to the suggestion and the argument was just a bit harsh.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get the cultural thing. Even in my culture sometimes this practice exists. There’s a ritual where the SIL tells the priest what the name will be. But it’s very obvious to everyone involved that the SIL’s role is more token than actual. The parents decide the name and then the SIL just says it out loud during the ritual. So NTJ.
Look you’re the one carrying the child and will care for the child once it’s out. SIL’s love is cool and all. But it’s your baby and therefore your decision. Besides I think naming someone is such an important part of bringing a life into this world, no one and nothing should take that away from you.
So go ahead and name your kid whatever you’d like. Tell her she can stop searching the internet for the prettiest name cuz you got this.” criticalgraffiti
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That’s bizarre. You’re giving birth, you name the baby. But if they can’t handle it then don’t tell them.
I usually think people should be upfront, but you don’t need them bugging you all through the end of your pregnancy. So tell them if you think they can deal with it, otherwise I’d only introduce “Jane Janet Smith-Jones” to them after you’ve signed the birth certificate.” CheckIntelligent7828
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I’d very quickly tell someone where to go if they decided to try and name my child. Nope. No way. On a side note, I accidentally, but joking around named my first grandchild. My oldest is 21 and she and her fiance are expecting a baby boy.
Both are absolutely huge Alice In Chains fans. They were running their name list by me and my other kids to get our opinions. I said, why not name him Layne, after Layne Staley. 2 days later my daughter and her fiance tell me they’ve decided on Layne for the baby’s name.
I can’t wait to meet the little guy!” IceNo575
7. AITJ For Not Changing My Wedding Plans To Suit My Family's Preferences?
“I’m getting married to my fiancée Kay next June. Kay’s family has insisted on paying for the wedding. It’s 100% out of my price range and I’m glad they are. Since they are paying I’m staying out of the arrangements.
Kay was going to invite my sister to be a bridesmaid but I said my sister is petty and to skip it since Kay has only really met my family a handful of times and I will deal with my family if you deal with yours.
My sister acted hurt over the not being a bridesmaid and it has spilled over to my mom. She keeps calling the wedding too expensive and a waste of money. I reminded her it’s not my money so I don’t care or have a say in it.
Mom asked if I could change the location to her state and I said no. It’s in the state where Kay, I, and most of her family currently live.
Mom asked to change the wedding attire to not formal and I explained that it was the venue’s choice and not mine.
She asked me to change the venue because my sister had a backyard wedding and my brother (a groomsman) had a courthouse wedding and I needed to find a middle ground between those two. I asked why. Mom explained it’s not fair for my siblings to have a humble wedding and my wife to act like the queen of Sheba and we need to tone it down and find a middle ground to suit our family tradition.
At this point, I’m over my mom and this conversation and I told her being poor is not a tradition and I’m not talking to Kay’s family about finding a middle ground on something I’m not even paying for.
My mom said that’s fine no one from my family will be there and said that’s fine with me and I will just explain to my friends and Kay’s family that my family is just insecure and petty.
Mom hung up on me and my brother reached out saying if Mom and our sister are uninvited he won’t go. I told him that’s fine. We got into the same argument about meeting halfway through the wedding and I told him there’s no middle ground here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Now that’s real family right there. People like to abstractly talk about family and how blood means more than anything but from my personal experience and from seeing what has happened with friends and families a majority of families will do their best to either drag you down or at minimum make you feel bad for doing better.
Misery loves company. I grew up in poor and working-class areas so I’m sure rich people have their problems but that’s literally why so many people are stuck poor and in the ghettos because of this family mentality. “Hey your parents or siblings didn’t go to college so could you just like not to go to college that Will embarrass them” GenericAwfulUsername.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…Your wedding decisions are nobody else’s business. If your family does not like any part of your plans, they are free to not attend. You didn’t uninvite anyone, you simply accepted the fact they chose to not attend. They were trying to manipulate you and it didn’t work out the way they wanted it to.
Best of luck.” RoyallyOakie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And just ignore some people posting here being critical because you “don’t care enough” about your wedding. Hey, in-laws are paying, so you’re chilling out, and why not? They’re throwing the party! They make the decisions! Nothing they’re doing is hurting you personally.
Also, there’s nothing here about you not caring if your family comes or not. You’re just dealing with their control issues and refusing to get into the drama they seem to want with you. You haven’t disinvited anyone–they are disinviting themselves because you won’t make demands (like a 3-year-old) on your in-laws to satisfy your mom’s 2-year-old style tantrums (and your brother’s, too, I guess).
Ignore them all and have a wonderful (drama-free) wedding!!” dg__875
6. AITJ For Keeping My Ex-Step-Sister In My Life Despite My Mum's Discomfort?
“My parents are divorced and mum started seeing this guy “Jim” a few years ago.
Jim has a daughter “Amanda” who is about seven years older than me. My mum wanted Amanda and I to be close and would invite her along to any of our outings. Are we going Christmas shopping? Amanda’s there! Cafe catch-up? Hi Amanda! I live with my dad full time so I only saw my mum occasionally because she lives pretty far away.
My mum was sure she was going to marry Jim, however they broke up after a few years. She has a new partner (originally her ex before Jim, so more messy) who is now my stepdad, and he’s cool but has no kids.
The visits with Amanda stopped for a bit until I ran into her at a club when I was 18.
Before, hanging out with her had been kind of awkward because my mum was pushing hard at this step-sister thing and she felt so much older than me at 22 & 15. However, 27 & 19 isn’t so bad and we have a lot more in common. Because of our history, we refer to each other as “sisters”.
Amanda moved in with me a while ago and having her as one of my roommates has been great. However, Jim visits her sometimes because he’s her dad. We live closer to where my mum is now so she also visits. My mum’s upset that Amanda lives with me because she’s a constant reminder of her failed relationship and is always anxious Jim is going to turn up.
I told her to deal with it, and that I’m not setting a schedule of when each parent can visit “just in case” they end up meeting. She thinks it’s unfair of me to “mock” her by calling Amanda my sister.
I don’t mean to mock her or anything, but I don’t know if I’m the jerk in continuing to have Amanda as a big part of my life even after the breakup, or if my mum is being childish.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not an accessory in your mom’s life, where you can be forced to socialize with someone 7 years your senior (a huge age difference when one of those people is under 16 years old) because it suited her goals and then forced to stop interacting with that same person the moment you’re more at ease with it because it doesn’t suit your mom.
Your opinion was not asked back then and it limited the one-on-one time you could have had with your mom. It’s like everything in her life has to be about herself. Well, she can learn to deal with this situation like a grown If she can’t risk being in the same room as her ex, she can spend time with you elsewhere.” ChibiSailorMercury
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she pushed for this. She got it. Bringing people in and out of your child’s life is kind of not nice, she needs to grow up and accept the situation for what it is. Seeing Jim should not be something to hide from, she must have had to interact with your father for years, at least until you turned 18.
Dealing with exes is simply a part of life, and unless Jim did something truly traumatic to her, which you have not indicated, there is no reason for her to act like this.” No-Yam-1231
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re an adult and get to pick who’s in your life.
Your mom doesn’t get to pick for you. My mom remarried twice after leaving my dad. My first stepdad turned out to be a lazy heavy drinker bozo, so that didn’t last long. However, he had 3 kids – 2 near my age – and we spent a lot of time around each other.
My mom divorced that guy decades ago, but I’m still in touch with the daughter and think of her as my sister because she’s awesome. My second stepdad and my stepmother (my dad remarried too) also had their kids, but none of us ever became close.
Treasure those strong relationships, they’re rare!” Kitchen_Victory_7964
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Change My Wedding Date For My Pregnant Best Friend?
“My fiancé and I have been planning our wedding for over a year now. We’ve booked our dream venue, sent out save-the-dates, and are deep into preparations.
The date we chose has a lot of sentimental value to us – it’s the anniversary of when we first met.
A couple of months ago, my best friend (let’s call her Jane) announced she was pregnant, and I was beyond thrilled for her! She’s been trying for a while, and this is such a blessing.
However, she recently shared her due date with me, and it turns out it’s the same week as my wedding.
Jane approached me and gently asked if there was any way we could move our wedding date, even if just by a week or two, to ensure she could be a part of it.
She explained she’d be devastated to miss it, but doesn’t want to risk anything with her baby either.
I’m torn. On one hand, this date means a lot to my fiancé and me, and shifting everything would be a logistical nightmare. But on the other hand, I can’t imagine not having my best friend there on my big day.
I told Jane that it’s difficult for us to change it now, and she seemed understanding but upset.
A few family members have told me I’m being insensitive, while others say it’s my day and I should stick to what makes us happy. I’m losing sleep over this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think your friend doesn’t understand… Move it one week or two? Baby comes whenever they want on full term between 37/38 up to 42 weeks. That’s a month. Add another week (if everything goes splendidly and she is a pro with breastfeeding and the baby is quiet and nice) at home to recoup.
Then add the childcare, not many are ok to watch a newborn. Could be a nurse or a family member but it’s not like you find a sitter for such a young infant in a jiffy. I am not even going down the ‘she’ll be so tired that if someone is watching the baby she’ll probably just want to sleep’” KikiMadeCrazy.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t just move the date of your wedding, for crying out loud! It was inappropriate of her to even ask you that. Tell her that you’re sorry but contracts have been signed, deposits have been paid and changing is just not feasible.
Let her know you’re happy for her and you’re so excited to meet her baby and while you’ll miss her so much at your wedding, you’re hoping she can at least join by Zoom or something and if not, you’ll make sure it’s recorded for her.” NorthernLitUp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How on earth would anyone think you are being insensitive? You are being practical. You have already placed deposits, booked the hall, and sent out save the dates. What about every other guest who has already possibly made plans around this date?
Whether that be planning vacation days, PTO requests, or even their own milestones events like weddings, showers, or graduation parties. By changing the date instead of having one person in your not attending you will likely have many. You are also making a big assumption that the baby will come on time and have no health problems that require a hospital stay.
Add to that you are both assuming a few weeks after birth she is even going to want to attend an all-day event and leave her newborn baby. Or even if she is willing to leave the baby with someone she trusts, she will feel up to attending the wedding at all.
If she does I can guarantee she will not be up to staying for most stuff outside of the ceremony itself. For goodness sake keep your date as is.” KMK_Direct
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Host A Second Baby Sprinkle For My Friend?
“My friend had her first baby a little over a year ago and is already expecting another in March. The second pregnancy was not planned and has been a rough time for her. She brought up wanting a baby sprinkle if this baby was a girl because she had a boy first.
Back before we found out the second baby is also a boy I had agreed I would host a small get-together for things like girl clothes and maybe a diaper restock. After we found out it was a boy I thought that closed the topic.
But she’s reached out to say she’s decided she still wants a baby sprinkle. It sounds like she’s upset about the timing and wants a day to make her feel better about this unexpected pregnancy. I don’t feel great about this because our friends and her family were exceedingly generous the first time around and she still has items she hasn’t opened and boy clothes with tags on from the first shower.
I want to offer to host a girl’s brunch or something else to give her a day out but I get the feeling she wants something more centered on her. I just think it’s pushing the boundaries of appropriateness for it to be a baby sprinkle so close to a shower and for the same gender of the baby.
WIBTJ to say no after already agreeing to one kind of sprinkle?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, you don’t feel comfortable holding a baby sprinkle. Plenty of people find it tacky and gift-grabbing to have another baby shower after the first especially if children are close together and the same gender.
If you don’t want to host maybe explain that unfortunately, you thought you had the time to host but ended up you don’t. Apologize and hopefully, she accepts that. She wants a baby sprinkle for she wants her pregnancy to be celebrated. I think there are other ways for her to do that.
Like a maternity shoot or a pregnancy spa day. Some people love to make casting of their pregnant belly. She needs to realize she could be a jerk if she wants a sprinkle for gifts.” lilwildjess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This may be colored by the fact that I am someone who is VERY MUCH over being expected to attend every shower, sprinkle, gender reveal, and whatever else kind of self-indulgent party people getting married and having children want to have thrown for them, but I am fully with you.
Two showers in two years to get unnecessary gifts is too much.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and what is a “baby sprinkle”? I’m generally against events where people receive unnecessary gifts and force others to spend money for no reason (like bridal showers). A baby shower has a purpose where the parents receive necessities like diapers and a crib.
But if she already has stuff leftover from the first baby then expecting people to buy you even more is not okay.” lastswiftyontheleft
3. AITJ For Refusing To Wake Up My Friend During Our Vacation?
“I (22F) am traveling with my friend abroad (22F). So far, traveling with her has been okay, but it is an absolute pain for her to wake up every morning. She sets a million alarms and snoozes all of them, and I end up having to both verbally convince her to wake up and physically shake her awake.
It creates a huge hassle for me and eats away at my time and I told her I don’t like doing it.
Today, it started again (for the 5th morning in a row), and I told her after the first round of alarms that I was not her mother and wouldn’t be responsible for waking her up every day.
She kept sleeping and I got up and went to the hotel breakfast by myself. By the time she woke up, breakfast was closed.
She thinks I’m the jerk for not waking her up, but I don’t think it should be my responsibility.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Waking someone up after a late night on occasion is something a good friend would do. Waking someone up day after day after day because she can’t or won’t wake up on her own is something she needs to figure out for herself. You’re supposed to be on vacation, not monitoring her sleeping habits.” WolfGoddess77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She knows how she is and waiting for her is an inconvenience to you because you’re on vacation (I assume). I am a snoozer, and I had to start plugging my phone up across the room and changing alarm sounds so I could get up on time.
And I made the time two hours before I needed to be at work. Doesn’t always work, but I’m into a semi-routine. Having a one-year-old and a man that gets up at the crack of dawn helps too, but I’m not suggesting that lol (I like sleeping in sometimes dammit!) Anyway, tell her “Ya snooze, ya lose” firstgirlwonder
Another User Comments:
“If she was traveling alone how would she eat breakfast? She’d either get up or miss it – it’s that simple I’m an early riser my partner is not. On vacation I still get up – go to the gym – put around the room – being considerate that he’s still asleep.
It’s not my job to wake him up unless he expressed for some reason he wanted to get up at 4:30 like I do and would have difficulty doing so on his own. If I went and ate breakfast and he wasn’t up then I’d figure he didn’t want to eat.
NTJ – you’re on vacation too and you’re both adults” ToqueDeFe78
2. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Reciprocate Paying For Takeout?
“I live with my partner and I’ve started noticing that things don’t seem equal. By that I mean I seem to do a lot more for my partner than I get back.
An example of this was this week. I had planned to order us food since we hadn’t ordered out in a while. I told my partner this and we ordered pizzas. This came to around £35 which I was happy to pay.
A couple of days later my partner said she felt like ordering McDonald’s and asked if I wanted anything.
I asked for a burger and fries. Straight away my partner told me how much it was and asked me to transfer her the money. At first, I thought she was joking but she said she was serious.
I told her that I thought she was paying and doing something nice since I paid for food a few days ago.
She accused me of guilt-tripping her into paying for the food. I told her it’s not guilt tripping and that I’m just pointing out that it’s upsetting knowing that I’m happy to do something nice for her without a second thought but that she won’t even consider spending £5 on food for me.
She again said I was guilt tripping her and I just repeated that it’s not guilt tripping and if she’s feeling bad because of what I’ve said then it means she knows I’m right. She said she wasn’t ordering food anymore since I had started an argument over nothing.
I told her I didn’t start an argument, I just told her how I felt and she got annoyed at being called out on it.
She said I was being unfair and that I shouldn’t have expected her to pay for the food.
AITJ for expecting her to pay for the food?”
Another User Comments:
“I agree with everyone saying break up. NTJ Going forward, if you make the bad decision to stay together, make it clear that things like that are split. “In ordering myself a pizza, want to throw some money in and get something from (pizza place), or to make the pizza a shareable size” or “wanna go halves of takeout”?
Anything that makes it clear that, if she doesn’t pitch in, then she needs to plan her food. But you’re better off dumping her.” No-Personality5421
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is highly weird behavior. My partner and I alternate with whoever can cover/wants to cover it.
No need to pay back as it’s for us anyway. Additionally, do you want someone to accuse you of gaslighting for asking some question?” Beneficial_Bat_5656
Another User Comments:
“I had a friend like this. We weren’t involved or anything so I never expected a meal or anything from her, but every once in a while, I would get her bubble tea or a cookie or something without asking for any repayment, like I do with all my friends.
Or get her dinner on her bday/when she had a rough day. Little stuff, you know? Over three years, she never once reciprocated. If she bought me a cookie, she had me Venmo her the $2. We’re no longer friends, for unrelated reasons, but looking back, I do see it as a red flag for how little she cared about me in general. Between £5 and you, your partner chose £5.
Just remember that.” Commercial_Camera257
1. AITJ For Being Upset When My Pregnant Wife Ate My Takeout?
“My (M30) wife (29f) is pregnant with our first kid and I think it’s been going pretty smoothly. She’s due in August and if you’re lazy like me and don’t want to do the math, 5 months pregnant.
My wife, like any woman, has her pregnancy cravings, which are ice cream and potato chips. After work, I would just run out to get them, not out of my way or issue. Yesterday, after work I was heading to get takeout from a steakhouse and asked my wife if she wanted anything.
She said she was cooking at home and was fine. Note this is at around 5 p.m.
No problem, so I get my food and I’m ready to EAT when I get home. Upon first sight, my wife immediately started asking for some, which annoyed me it was whatever.
I gave her a few bites, and gave myself a few bites before heading to shower (I know it’s weird to have some food *then* shower, but I didn’t finish it, so it’s okay).
10 minutes later, by the time I’m back at the dinner table, the container is ravaged. And my wife said (May I add, sheepishly) she ate it because she was hungry, even though I specifically asked if she wanted anything.
I was actually kind of annoyed by it and said “You’re not funny,” before just making something else.
After I made my Plan B dinner, my wife came up to me apologizing, but I was still bummed out about that steak and just said “Whatever.” I guess she was upset that I was upset because she gave me a face and walked away.
I eventually told her it was no big deal, and I think that made her feel better, but I still feel bad, so I’m asking if I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ from a 3-month pregnant woman. If the rules were reversed I would have probably cried. You are allowed to be upset and sad, you were looking forward to the food.
Her feeling sorry doesn’t change or invalidate those feelings. Yes, pregnancy makes your body do weird things and I can see her accidentally eating more than she realized. But that doesn’t give her a right to be upset at you for having valid feelings.” diy-fwiw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but in the future, don’t ask her if she wants anything, just order what she likes and bring it home. I mean, if you walk in the house with some delicious smelling steak, your pregnant wife is going to want to eat it no matter what she said 30 minutes ago.” tictactoss
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