People Try Not To Ruin Their Reputations In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
18. AITJ For Arranging My Niece's Visit Without Informing My Brother?
“My brother (m44) is going through a long divorce (2.5 years since separation) with my soon-to-be ex-SIL (f40) and they have my niece together (f6) while she has a newborn son with a new partner. I don’t know of any dishonesty on her side, but I do know of dishonesty on my brother’s side so I’m not super sympathetic with him.
He also has a lifelong lying problem that gets on my nerves and I need to ignore it at this point just to get along with him without having him freak out. I’ve been extremely low contact with ex-SIL since the split.
In the past month, I’ve been upset at my brother for breaking multiple plans between my son (m6) and my niece for unknown reasons.
It’s heartbreaking having my son stand at his door for half an hour waiting to see my niece while he spouts weird lies and delays over the Ring doorbell. We are neighbors and the plans are always small, like bike rides or just simple hangouts.
My father keeps telling me my brother is going through a rough breakup with a recent partner so I need to be sympathetic and let it go. However, I’m upset at his treatment of my son in this way.
My son had invited my niece to his taekwondo belt test this week with a week’s notice, and my brother confirmed the plans multiple times.
The night before, I brought it up again because I was skeptical, and he acted surprised and said “Oops! I got the custody days wrong. She’s with my ex.” I asked if there was any possibility and he said no. He has had many obvious lies and exaggerations about how terrible his ex is for changing custody plans, so I didn’t push it.
When I told my son, he was devastated. I didn’t blink twice before texting my ex-SIL a few hours before the event and asking if she could bring my niece to the taekwondo test. She was very friendly and accommodating, and although she couldn’t make it with her newborn, she suggested I pick up my niece from daycare and go to the event, then bring her home after a little celebration dinner.
Here’s where I may be the jerk. I didn’t bother telling my brother any of this for several reasons. My son was mad at him and didn’t want him there anyway, it was my ex-SIL’s day for my niece so it wasn’t his business, and I was afraid he’d sabotage it somehow like he had sabotaged previous get-togethers this past month.
My brother found out the next day from my niece after picking her up from daycare and went nuclear on me. Angry for contacting his ex. Angry for doing something with his niece without his permission (even though it was the original plan), angry for not giving him a chance to come to the event (even though he showed zero interest after telling me he didn’t have his daughter), etc. It devolved into him saying he’d get a no-contact order against me and report me to the police.
My father is absolutely on my case and siding with my brother 100% for betraying him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell brother that no contact is no problem. Tell Dad he’s next if he keeps siding with your brother and emotionally hurting your son and niece.
Ask your brother for a copy of the police report that details how you talked to your SIL. Good look going forward and you are a wonderful Mom for always putting the kids first.” squirrelsareevil2479
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Your brother is not allowing his daughter to nurture relationships with her family, for his selfish reasons.
His ex is. He had a relationship with this woman, and now she is the mother of your niece. If she were a dangerous person, he may have a leg to stand on. But as it is, she seems cooperative and reasonable, and this isn’t high school.
What exactly is he going to tell the police? That you took a child to her cousin’s event and took her out for a nice dinner and ice cream with her mother’s permission? What is also concerning is that your father is 100% on his side.
Even after the evidence of dishonesty on his side, but not hers? I could be wrong but this smells of toxic masculinity to me.” gml8541
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He’s using his child as a power play over you, and you found a workaround.
Of course, he’s upset. Your son is negatively impacted by your brother’s behavior. As much as you want your son to have a relationship with his cousin, is it worth repeatedly putting your son at the mercy of your brother? I would stop making any plans with him.
(Which may happen anyhow while he’s angry with you.) If he has a niece and wants to stop by he can call at that moment. ” HowlPen
17. AITJ For Choosing My Brother To Walk Me Down The Aisle Instead Of My Stepdad?
“I’m (26f) getting married and asked my brother (27m) if he would walk me down the aisle. He’s doing it to represent our dad who died 20 years ago but also because we grew up very close and have remained close as adults and even lived together for a time during our adult years.
And now he’s doing this for me and it means so much. But my choice has made my stepdad unhappy, my mom too, but my stepdad most of all.
He married our mom when we were 8 and 9 years old. He couldn’t have kids of his own and tried so hard to fill the gap with us/me.
My brother was totally a jerk to him when we were kids and as a result, my stepdad stopped trying with him. My brother found it insulting to Dad’s memory for our stepdad to try and live out his dream of fatherhood through us. I didn’t like it either but I was the more reserved of the two of us and never yelled at my stepdad or lashed out at him.
But I never got close to him like he wanted me to either. I didn’t want to share my dad’s space with him. I did tell him this and he told me if I gave it enough time I’d see that he could naturally slot in.
But it never happened. And he has acknowledged it before too. When I was 15 and we were in family therapy I admitted I hadn’t tried to open myself up to having another dad and I always kept him separated from the role of a parent.
I don’t know if I’d say he accepted it but he did give up on me after that too. But that was also because I told him I’d never turn against my brother even though my brother was a jerk to him. I was always respectful of him as an adult in the home.
Like if he asked me/told me to do something around the house, I would. I would listen if he said no to going out or whatever. I just wasn’t open to him the way he wanted me to be.
And that’s where this comes into play.
My stepdad is upset that I chose my brother over him to walk me down the aisle. But he’s more upset that I chose my brother, someone who was a jerk to him back when we were kids and has never been sorry about it.
My stepdad said of all the people I could have chosen I went with the worst one. The person who was disrespectful to him for daring to try and be a parent and fulfill a lifelong dream with kids who had lost their dad.
He claimed my choice was meant as a dig to him.
I said it was an honor to my dad and to the brother I have been close with my whole life. He told me that’s not what it looks like. My mom’s parents disagreed strongly with him and his mom on that. But he told me that anyone who wasn’t close to my dad would see it for what it is and I should be considering that before insulting him in this way.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wedding, your choice. I don’t understand how picking someone important to you for YOUR ceremony is supposed to be a dig at your stepdad. I understand he’s probably hurt but he knew that you were a package deal when he married your mom and that he wouldn’t be the same as your real dad.
I do think your brother could apologize to your stepdad because it’s not like he’s trying to replace your dad, he’s trying to be a parent himself. I understand you guys were young and probably really attached to your dad but it’s not like the stepdad did anything wrong.
He has to be okay with you guys not fully accepting him as a parent and you guys have to be okay with him as a general adult in your life. Also, by the way, congratulations on your wedding and I hope this drama doesn’t interfere with the happy occasion.
May you and your partner be together happily for the years to come.” tapsisdumb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You already have a dad, and you and your brother are people, not a wish-fulfillment service. If stepdad had respected you both and not put so much pressure on you to see him as a dad, he could have a much closer relationship with both of you.
The thing that always bugs me about people like your stepdad is that being a good parental figure is about putting your kid’s needs first, *especially* when they’re young, and *especially* when they’re grieving! He would be much closer to being an actual dad-like person in your lives, without ever replacing your dad, if he’d just put his daddy dreams aside and care about you both.” perfidious_snatch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ asked him to EXPLAIN THOROUGHLY how YOUR WEDDING is about him and his feelings Because he is very much mistaken. It’s about the bride and groom. And he should stop acting like a child that didn’t get the toys he wanted. You want your brother.
You’re close to your brother. You love your brother. Ask mom to check her husband and her parents.” jess1804
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Roommate's Dog Despite Signing A No Pet Lease?
“I just moved into this apartment a week ago and have 3 random roommates. We all go to the same university and live in a college town.
I was going to keep living with my friends/past roommates but this new apartment is closer to my classes/job so it just makes more sense.
When I signed my lease I made sure to click no pets and even wrote Please no pets.
Over the summer I got multiple emails and calls from the leasing office asking if I would be okay with a roommate with a pet, if I was sure about no pets, etc. To which I replied I signed a no-pet lease please don’t place me with someone who has a pet.
Fast forward to right before school. I got a text from my future roommate asking which room I got and if we could switch so her dog could have better access to the balcony. I replied hey I don’t know which room I have yet but just to be 100% transparent I signed specifically for a no-pet lease and feel uncomfortable switching that.
And told her to contact our leasing office as they would probably have a solution (to have a pet in our apartment you have to have each roommate sign off on it). She replied by saying not to worry her dog is trained, certified, and only going to be in her room, etc.
My mom told me not to reply to her message because quite frankly it had nothing to do with what I said. The whole situation made me upset because she didn’t even ask if I was okay with living with a pet she just assumed I would be fine and willing to switch rooms with her.
I wanted to call the leasing office but my mom said not to because I shouldn’t have to switch rooms & that she should because she obviously must have signed a no-pet lease too if we got paired. It’s not like I am a monster who hates animals.
I grew up on a farm and have dogs myself. I just think it’s inhumane to bring an animal to college. They are a lot of work & I don’t want to be responsible for cleaning up after her dog or be up all night from barking.
Like that’s why I signed a no-pet lease. One of the roommates asked if anyone had any pets. She sent a pic of the dog in our group chat. It’s a golden retriever puppy. They seemed to be fine with it as they all responded with cute.
Anyway, she moved in late today. I haven’t seen her yet but I heard the dog barking. My sister made a good point because she said there’s no way a puppy could be certified. I honestly don’t know what to do because I seem to be the only one with a problem.
I don’t want to cause any beef the first week here. The whole situation is making me anxious & I can’t sleep. If I don’t sign the pet agreement does that make me a jerk? Should I just give in?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Don’t give in. You were upfront about not wanting a pet and not being paired with someone with a pet. Either the lease office messed up and paired you with someone with a pet or the new roommate lied. Either way, there’s no reason for you to have to live uncomfortably for however long your lease agreement is.
Call the lease office and have them sort it out.” zzWoWzz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – what is her puppy certified as, an accountant? Unless it’s a legitimate service or psychiatric dog, trainers get certified not dogs. There are some self-serving, meaningless pay-to-play certificates you can get, but mostly just nonsense meant to allow people to bring pets places they shouldn’t.
You signed up for a pet-free lease and now a barking dog is living with you. Call the landlord and don’t think twice.” Dante2377
Another User Comments:
“NTJ DO NOT GIVE IN!! Call the leasing office immediately and tell them that you are not willing to live with a dog.
You have told them that repeatedly and you told your new roommate you signed a “no pets” lease. If you let this slide by you will regret it and you will have no recourse. You can see how much respect your new roommate has for you already – none!!
You can break your lease now (not that you want to) but if you OK the dog and it doesn’t work out you’ll be stuck with the apartment and the dog.” uTop-Artichoke5020.
15. AITJ For Distancing Myself From My Best Friend After She Became Judgmental And Manipulative?
“2 years ago, I noticed that something was wrong with my best friend. She wasn’t as responsive over the past week to my texts or calls.
This was odd as she is a chatty person. I had texted her “Are you okay?” to check in. She then starts sending me messages about how she hasn’t been okay for weeks and she feels gaslit by me asking this question because, according to her, she has been making it clear that she hasn’t been okay lately.
I told her that this was not clear to me at all. We went back and forth, and I felt that her tone was argumentative with me. As a result, she requested space from me, which I respected.
We reunited 8 months later. Our solution was this: she would be more clear when expressing her needs.
Things started happening again recently, but only this time did I notice her behavior becoming more strange. She used to speak so highly of me, but she started becoming more negative around me during this time. Critiquing everything I did, and just overall becoming more judgmental. I felt dumb around her and began to believe the judgmental things she would say about me.
I started pulling away from her, unconsciously at the time.
It then dawned on me that this is how she acted the last time she was going through it, which caused me to pull away. It made me realize that this happened last time, and that’s why she had become so reactive towards me and I was just completely unaware of it.
I sent her a recording of me explaining my feelings. I did so via a recording so that she wouldn’t read into “text tones” and misunderstand my intent, which was to express myself gently. She then became reactive over text. I don’t remember all the details because I lowkey dissociated during this fight, but she did call me a liar for not knowing she was going through it the last time, and telling me that I have personal problems. I became very defensive in response.
We took a break from the fight and I apologized for my response. I tried to initiate a more peaceful conversation, saying that I wanted to have this be a space where we could talk to each other about our feelings and needs without attacking each other.
But she pushed back, saying I was too sensitive and that I was sharing a “narrative” (when recalling the way she was talking to me during our fight). I told her I could no longer talk to her as I felt manipulated and I stopped trusting her at this point.
She then called my ex and talked about me. She tried to get him to side with her that there was something wrong with me. Luckily he went to me right afterwards and told me about her behavior. She then texted my mom about how she was worried for me because I was seeing “two different realities”.
She also lied about events between me, her, and my ex. She has since also spoken to my dad on the phone about “my problems”.
AITJ for how I handled this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First up, if she’s not OK, she cannot expect someone to somehow magically instantly know.
You noticed after what you are saying is ONE week of changed behaviour, and asked her how she was doing. If she hadn’t been OK for “weeks” and wanted more support from you then she should have used her words. Second – going behind your back and talking negatively about you to your ex and your family?
The big red flag in a friendship. This woman sounds toxic. Withdraw/keep a friendly distance and put your emotional well-being first.” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you’ve done everything you could and more than most would have. It might be time to give up and see much less of her.
I’ve met people who communicate with hints. I have tried to improve my ability to pick up on hints, but honestly, I often miss them and would prefer direct communication. People who hint should know that they are often not understood and adjust their communication accordingly.
But your friend goes much further. She contacted your ex and your mother about your quarrel. That’s weird. That’s why I say maybe you should begin to distance yourself from her. NTJ” SavingsRhubarb8746
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had a friend like that. I was tiptoeing around her moods and needs and trying to be a good friend, while she sucked all joy out of my life because everything in this friendship was centered around her health and her life.
I cut her off because she overdid it one day. You know what? My life is now calmer, and happier and I am back to my old self. This was a friendship of 11 years, that had run out its course long before. I miss nothing.” Brilliant_Chard_4874
14. AITJ For Confronting My Sister-In-Law About Selling Our Hand-Me-Downs?
“My brother (33M) and his wife (30F) have 2 young boys (3 & 1). My wife and I have a 5-year-old son so over the years we have given them quite a few items that we no longer used/needed. Crib, clothes, toys, various baby items, etc. Most of the things were just taking up space in our house and we knew they would put them to use so we had no problem giving them away.
We visited them a couple of weeks ago for their 3-year-old’s birthday party. During the party, SIL mentioned that she has been selling off a bunch of baby stuff as a “side hustle.” Both she and my brother are the youngest of their families and she said that they get so many hand-me-downs from their siblings that they couldn’t keep track of them all.
Her solution was to start selling these gifts online to make a few extra bucks. She was bragging about it. I told her that was a pretty lousy thing to do considering that these items were given to them as gifts that they willingly accepted and were expected to use.
I asked her if they had sold some of the things we have given them and she laughed and said that she was sure she did because we’ve given them a lot of stuff.
I told her that if I had known she was going to sell those items off, I would have given them away to someone else or donated them to a local non-profit that helps young mothers in need. She got defensive and told me that it’s not like she’s making a lot of money off these things, just a few bucks here and there.
I told her that the people buying those items were probably the same people who would benefit from getting them for free and that she was taking advantage of them.
She went off about how hard things are with the economy right now and how they need all the help they can get financially.
Mind you, both she and my brother have college degrees and work full-time. I know raising kids is expensive, but they aren’t in dire straits.
I told her that she probably shouldn’t expect us to give them anything else in the future and I would probably suggest to my other siblings that they refrain from doing so as well and look into other options for donating things.
She got defensive again and told me that she didn’t feel like she was doing anything wrong.
I told her she’s entitled to feel that way, but my opinion of her as a person is now lesser because of this. She said that selling things they don’t use to make a few bucks doesn’t make her a bad person and I told her that considering they were given these things for free, it kind of does.
By this point, other people had noticed our conversation and my brother stepped in to end the conversation before things got too heated. He told me I should mind my own business and that if I don’t want to give them anything else in the future, that’s my choice.
But that I took this too far by calling his wife a bad person for selling things they don’t use.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You gave her family some stuff. At this point, the stuff was no longer yours. She can do whatever she wants with it: sell it, burn it, whatever.
You get zero say. Yes, you’re perfectly entitled to no longer give her hand-me-downs (i.e., your trash), that’s your choice. YTJ mostly because you’re judging her for what she does with her (family’s) stuff. Enlisting the rest of the family to follow your lead?
Low. They get to make their own decisions. Eyes on your work, superchef.” thesilveringfox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m with you on this one. Selling a bulky item here or there wouldn’t be a big deal to me (the second-hand market for baby stuff is huge and a discount on a big-ticket item can be a win-win for both parties), but calling it a side hustle and bragging about how much money she’s making off of her family’s generosity doesn’t sit well.
Guess she’s never heard of the concept of paying it forward. I don’t think you’re going to convince her you’re right though, so I would just avoid the subject moving forward. And donate your things to a charity or local Buy Nothing group instead.” Ok_Discount_7889
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There was a post on here not that long ago about a woman selling stuff she had gotten for free and she got bashed for it, this is the same thing and somehow this is okay? Does it make sense to make a profit off something you got for nothing that just makes you pretty lousy and to brag about that?
Gross, they sound like greedy money money-hungry people. If you can’t see what’s wrong with this then it shows the kind of person you are.” Ok-Rice-7589
13. AITJ For Wanting To Visit An Art Gallery Alone During Our Group Trip?
“Last June, I (28M) told my friends (Ivy, Lea, Jay, we’re all around the same age) that I’m planning to have a vacation for myself later this August.
I told them I was visiting an art gallery located at a popular tourist destination in our country (the destination is an entire city that’s about a 5-hour drive from us).
When they learned that I was going to the tourist destination, they asked if they could tag along since they wanted to vacation as well. I agreed since they’re my closest friend group, and we’re all excited. My overnight trip turned into a 3D2N hangout with my friends.
In our group, I’ve always been the default “planner” (I’m happy to do so!) I’m also the only one who has been to the tourist destination multiple times (I’ve gone like 10 times already. Ivy and Lea have only been there once, and Jay has never been).
When I was creating the itinerary, I asked for their input if there were any places they’d like to visit. Jay listed a lot of the usual “touristy” places, Lea listed some restaurants we could try, and Ivy listed several shopping areas. I tried to cram everything into the schedule, but since the art gallery I’d like to visit was so out of the way from the main tourist spot, we had to make some compromises.
We then put it into a vote, where any stop that didn’t get at least 2 votes might be dropped from the itinerary if necessary. Unfortunately, the art gallery was the only one that got one vote. I made the necessary adjustments, but then I found a window in our schedule that could work.
I told them that while the three of them were shopping, I could go to the art gallery by myself. After all, Ivy and Lea are looking forward to thrift store-hopping for clothes and trinkets, but I’m not into that since I’m not a fashion and crafts guy.
That way, we don’t have to drop anything from the itinerary and I could still stick to my original plan. I told them I’d drop them off at the shopping centers, drive to the art gallery, then I’d pick them up again after 2 hours, then we’d go to dinner together.
When I told them this suggestion, Ivy and Lea got so angry at me for planning to take a detour by myself and splitting from the group. Jay was kinda neutral on everything since he’s more looking forward to the usual tourist spots. I told them that since they didn’t want to go to the art gallery and I didn’t like to go shopping, it seemed like a fair and harmless compromise.
I also reminded them that it was my original plan for my supposed solo trip. They still insisted that I was the jerk for not honoring the group’s vote and that I took advantage of the fact that I planned everything and that I’d be driving.
Just for additional context, the hotel has already been booked and reservations have been made, so canceling the trip is not an option.
When I told this to my partner and my brother, my partner sided with me but my brother said he understood my friend’s reasoning.
So, WIBTJ if I push through with this plan?”
Another User Comments:
“Uh, no. NTJ. They were late joiners onto your trip, going to that art gallery was already on your itinerary. You being flexible and changing the rest of the trip to a group vacation is already plenty of compromise.
Ivy and Lea expecting you to change *everything* and join them at the hip is very, very silly of them. Your plan makes the most sense by far.” NoSalamander7749
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Since the whole visit of the art gallery for you was the principal reason for you going in the first place, it would be fine as they are just hanging on for the trip as is.
They are after all just ‘tagging along’. Go to the art gallery because it was the whole purpose the your trip, right? They should be grateful they had an opportunity to just go with you and that’s it.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“Going on a trip with friends is a fun bonding experience.
Everyone is together and enjoying themselves, seeing sights, and doing fun activities. That said, going on a trip with friends does not require everyone to be joined at the hip the entire time. It’s perfectly fine for someone to split from the pack to do their own thing for a bit.
The art gallery *was the entire point of your trip* before they invited themselves. Sounds like an out-and-back trip before blowing up to be several days. That they tried to then cut out your initial purpose for going, and then tried to insist you spend time doing something you dislike instead, is self-serving and entitled. Sounds more like they wanted a trip but didn’t want to do the work to plan it, so dumped it all on you. NTJ.” ArcWolf713
12. AITJ For Wanting My Roommate's Ex To Contribute To Rent?
“I (27 F) live in an apartment with 3 other women. About 1 month ago, one of my roommates we’ll call Anya (32 F) moved her ex-partner we’ll call Mel into our apartment without any sort of communication prior. I don’t know much about Mel, we met maybe 1.5 years ago with a quick introduction of her being Anya’s partner and kept it brief/cordial if we ran into each other after.
I started noticing Mel would be over A LOT more than usual. I didn’t know they broke up so just assumed they were still together and spent a lot of time at ours. But then it got to a point where Mel would be there on her own, got a key, had guests over, and slowly started bringing belongings in and storing them in our cabinets, and I heard her on the phone referring to Anya as someone she used to be with and the apt as “where I’m calling home now.”
My other roommates and I called a meeting to discuss what the heck was going on. Anya told us that Mel was having problems at her apartment. One of Mel’s roommates is a squatter, the cops have been called on Mel more than once there, and there was some sort of physical altercation between the roommates.
Mel and the other roommates left but are still on the hook for rent so their landlord is asking for $10k+ in back rent. Anya said that Mel has been living at our apartment since the beginning of last month and plans to be out around October (assuming things work out on her court date in Sept).
My roommates and I said that we would feel more comfortable with her being here if she was contributing to our bills including rent. Anya pushed back and said that while she’ll collect some bills from Mel, she doesn’t agree with getting rent money from her because she’s in a tough place.
According to Anya, since Mel is only staying for a few months and our rent doesn’t increase with her being there, it’s unlawful for us to have her contribute to the rent. My other roommates and I believe that if someone is going to be fully living in our apartment for 1/4 of the year, they should be contributing to the household during that time.
We’re only asking that she pay a few hundred in rent a month and split the other bills with us 5 ways. Anya is pretty insistent in telling us that we just have to be ok with Mel living at ours rent-free and that Mel will split utilities “out of the kindness of her heart”
We don’t have a super large apartment or much storage space at all so adding a 5th person to the mix has become a lot. I’m sympathetic towards Mel’s situation but me and my roommates don’t know Mel and didn’t agree to her living here in the first place.
My other roommates wanna go to the landlord, I’d rather it not come to that but we’re now stuck in a living situation that we didn’t agree to and have no say in. I don’t wanna kick someone when they’re down but AITJ for telling my roommate her ex needs to contribute to rent if she’s going to be living with us?’
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting her to pay for living expenses if she’s living there as a roommate. However, you can’t legally make Mel pay rent or bills since she’s not on the lease. You can discuss a sublet agreement for Mel which would make her responsible for rent and utilities.
If Mel’s not going to sign a sublease agreement, she needs to be treated as a guest. No key, no staying over if her ex-partner’s not at the apartment, no storage of items in common areas (stuff needs to be kept in whose room she is staying) and she needs to find her food and not eat the apartments.
It would be great if she would contribute to the utility bills, but you can discuss having the roommate pay 2/5 of the bills while her ex is staying as a guest.” Travellinglense
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Anya lives with roommates, any sort of decision when it comes to moving in someone else has to be agreed on by everyone who lives there and signed a lease.
Her wanting to be a good person and help someone out doesn’t magically make that go away. If she wants to have that kind of freedom, she can move out on her own and let Mel stay with her there. You’re not being unsympathetic, you’re being realistic.
And generous, adding a 5th person? Yikes.” modernChiquitita
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t consulted on this “new roommate/freeloader” at all, and if you hadn’t overheard her convo and called the meeting, this would have just continued. I say get her out NOW.
Once she has been living there and established residency, it might be tougher to kick her out, depending on where you live. INFO: how do you guys pay your rent and bills? Does one person collect all the money and pay it to the landlord, or does each of you have your lease?
If individual leases, go to your landlord and have your roommate booted along with the squatter. You will never get her out of there otherwise. These kinds of people—who don’t even ask permission before squatting—are not the kind to be considerate of others.” National_Pension_110
11. AITJ For Canceling A Camping Trip After My Mom Changed The Location?
“For the past 8 years, my mom & her husband have driven 6-7 hrs with their RV to visit us before Christmas, they see me, my husband & 3 kids plus my step sister & her son.
They stay for 2-3 days at an RV park (not a campground) about 1.5 hours from our house. They rent the “clubhouse” actually the employee break room that they still use while renting. We’re not allowed to stay in their 6-bed RV, and tents aren’t permitted at the park.
So we visit for a day, and they usually come to our apartment the next.
Last year, after the clubhouse rental, we left because it was raining & they wouldn’t let us stay in the RV. The next day, I asked if they’d visit as usual, but my mom avoided answering until almost 3 PM, leaving the kids wondering all day.
She said they were thinking of leaving early the next morning like 3 am. I tried to get them to come for dinner and games but she ghosted me until they left around 7 AM.
That entire situation made me disappointed. I feel like with each trip it seems more like a just get it over with trip.
For the last three years, I’ve suggested we go to a real campground for a better experience for the kids, hiking trails, a lake something more than a parking lot with a park. I told my husband after last year’s trip that it was the last time I’d go to the RV lot.
I’ve offered to pay for camping spots and pick closer spots to them but it all falls on deaf ears.
So this year, my mom asked for campground suggestions but ended up finding one herself that was perfect—activities for the kids, grass, trees, trails, and rock climbing.
Excited, I agreed to camp there and said “We will camp anywhere like this”
But then, she texted me the next day saying, “This is where we decided to pick, let me know if I should rent you a tent spot.” I saw the campground’s name and quickly agreed, thinking it was the same one she’d found.
But when I checked the map, I realized she had booked a different campground run by the same organization hence the confusion—it’s a dirt parking lot in the desert, four hours away, with no trees, no trails, no activities, and a prison nearby. When I confronted her, that maybe she booked the wrong site she claimed it was the right one and sent a picture of the receipt with a “you’re welcome.”
She went on and offered to find another spot an hour further away. This area isn’t even known for camping; it’s in a dead town between our 2 states known for bad weather, I don’t want to get rained out in a tent while we’re not allowed in her RV.
I feel like she baited and switched me. She sent a zoomed-in picture of the map so I couldn’t see the name of the campground, no heads up she switched the location, just booked and this is where we decided and it’s nowhere like what we discussed. When I continued to say it wasn’t what I agreed to she said, “You told me you’d camp anywhere,” listing reasons why she HAD to pick that one.
I’ve ghosted her since.
Am I a jerk for canceling this trip?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Tell your Mom the truth. That may be the name we agreed to, but it doesn’t have any of the amenities that we need. Then ask bluntly “Why did you choose this one?” then explain “I feel like you baited and switched me.” The issue here isn’t your desire for a reasonable campground.
The issue here is that you aren’t standing up to your parents and taking a firm stance. You are letting your parents jerk you around and make yourself miserable for no good reason.” DisgruntleFairy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That was a total bait and switch.
If I were you, I’d let her know that from now on, you will only be putting the same energy into maintaining your relationship with her that she is. Meaning, if she puts in none, then so will you. What she did last year to your kids was super bad, I wouldn’t want to allow her the opportunity to disappoint them this year.” AlternativeDurian852
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But, I wouldn’t ghost her and just cut to the chase. “Mom, I’m tired of playing along with this game. The conditions for even spending a moment with you have become too absurd to ignore anymore. You are not interested in spending Christmas with us.
You are officially off the hook. Go enjoy your holidays how you genuinely want to spend them. My children deserve to have a happy, loving, and safe Christmas. From now on, we will be spending the holidays at home. If you ever change your mind, you are welcome to join our new traditions as we celebrate them.” concretism
10. AITJ For Confirming Our Airbnb Booking Without Telling The Group?
“A group of 6 friends and I recently went on a trip together to attend a 4-day event. The event was kind of in the middle of nowhere so there were no nearby hotels.
My friend Keisha booked an Airbnb for everyone, and the plan was that we’d all Venmo her for 1/7 of the price. The place seemed great except it did not provide towels, so some people were stressed about bringing their own due to limited space in the cars.
We all had to work the day before the first day of the event so we’d be arriving late at night.
In the week leading up to the stay, there was some drama about how was sleeping within the Airbnb. I got moved out of the room I was expecting to be in.
I wanted to know what to expect in the new space I was to sleep in. I therefore clicked on the link Keisha had previously sent me to view the listing. The link did not work and instead brought me to a page that said the listing had been deleted. Keisha was very stressed and busy with work and had told people not to bother her leading up to our departure.
I therefore did not immediately reach out to her about this.
I know people who’ve been scammed on Airbnb and arrived at their destination to find they have nowhere to stay. I was concerned that we had been scammed. It would be bad for us to arrive in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night and have nowhere to stay.
On Airbnb and VRBO, I searched for the area where our place should have been. The place we were expecting to stay was listed as available for the dates we had already paid to stay there. The listing also said there would be towels in the home for us to use.
Again, I had been told that Keisha was very stressed and did not have time to talk to anyone. I reached out to the host of the listing to try to see whether they had been aware of the other listing we’d responded to that was now deleted. They said they still had our reservation and those dates were listed as available in error.
They made a new listing because of some upgrades to the place including the towels.
I was unsure if I should mention any of this to the group. Since people had been stressed about fitting towels into the cars with all the luggage etc, I decided to mention it.
I was told that I was a jerk for reaching out to the host instead of letting Keisha know about the issue. I explained that I was trying to spare her the extra stress. Keisha is mad at me for not trusting, and 5 of the other 6 people in the group say what I did was wrong.
I don’t get it. I thought I was helping the group out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You double-checked on something to make sure you guys weren’t getting scammed. As one of the people paying for the accommodations, I think you had every right to check it out yourself.
Keisha had told people not to bother her, so you handled it. I don’t see the big deal.” napsrule321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I can see why her feelings were hurt. It probably felt like you didn’t trust that she’d handled things with the place to stay, which implied that she would have taken money from all of you without it all sorted out.
I would apologize to her one on one and make sure she knows that wasn’t the case and that you genuinely were just trying to help while she was at work.” willikersmister
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, however, I think this is something you should have bothered her about.
Usually, when people say “Don’t bother me, I’m busy” there are limits to this for important things. If you thought there would be a legitimate issue with the booking (which I think was reasonable for you to think based on what you said), you should’ve let the person who booked it know right away.
That said, I can see why Keisha would be a little annoyed, but this doesn’t seem like something for a whole friend group to get mad about. They should move on and everyone should enjoy their weekend.” Pepperoni
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Aunt's Husband To My Wedding?
“I’m ‘24F’ female and am getting married soon to my ‘30M’ fiancé, we’ve been together for 4.5 years now so it’s about time! We’re in the early stages of planning our wedding and things are already getting difficult with my mother. ‘52F’
I [24F] had a friend tell me that they wrote out their guest list for their wedding then gave each set of in-laws 10 invites each and they can invite whoever they want. I [24F] thought this was a wonderful idea so it would be fair and no fighting would occur… so I thought.
I sent the list and I did not put my aunt’s new husband on there because we don’t get along and I’ve probably only met him maybe four times. If I’m being honest my aunt and I don’t have the best relationship either but we have a small one.
He’s one of those men who thinks they are better than everyone at everything. He told me that I seemed like I was “one of those girls” in high school and he wouldn’t have been friends with me. (I was 19 at the time, overweight, and extremely depressed when this happened) He stayed over at my parent’s house with my aunt while I was there along with my partner for an entire weekend and never left the room to say hello to us or do introductions.
(this was the first time my bf was meeting my aunt or him and they didn’t meet until 2 days later even though we were all under the same roof.) when they finally met he went up to my partner and said “I’ve heard a lot about you”..
I had already warned my bf about him so he responded “I heard a lot about you too” They haven’t spoken again since and this was 2 years ago. Both my aunt and he left me to watch the kids for 5 hours when they said they were going to be there in an hour.
It’s thing after thing and like I said I’ve only met him four times. My aunt and he have a rocky relationship, they currently are separated, which is another reason I don’t understand my mother’s pov. He has tried to fight my grandfather before.
My father doesn’t like him… my mom doesn’t even care for the dude that much… but she is mad that if she wants him at our wedding it’s going to take one of her 10 tickets. She thinks I’m singling him out and it’s rude and hurtful towards her because it’s her side of the family I’m “singling out”.
I feel like she doesn’t understand where I’m coming from… I’m not saying he can’t come to the wedding all I’m saying is if she wants him there it comes out of your ten tickets because I have zero interest in having him there.
This is our wedding day… we get one day to have everyone we love In one room celebrating a joyous occasion. If I wanted to do what I wanted he wouldn’t be invited at all but my mom wants him there. Should I put him on the guest list or keep him as one of her 10?
Or should I just take him off completely?
I feel like if I give into this she will be doing this throughout the entire wedding process. I’m not sure what to do:/ Am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t give in.
10 tickets is a great idea. I would say something like this. “Mom I’m sorry if this causes you stress but I have no issue telling people he’s not invited. So if this is something you want to avoid you may use one of your tickets.
However, if you choose to continue to argue about this I will be forced to revisit you getting any invites at all. While I love you this float is about the love you and my fiancé have for each other and I won’t spend the wedding prep arguing with you about petty details.
Again the choice is yours let me know what you decide”” Upbeat_Music6793.
Another User Comments:
“I would flat out tell her he’s not invited, personally. But if you decide to let her spend a ticket on him (I wouldn’t add him to the guest list) then tell her she’s entirely responsible for his behavior and if he steps out of line even once, he’ll be removed and you will blame her for forcing him on you and your wedding, and that if she can’t promise to keep him in line, then he can’t come.
And she has to promise to your face and record it because you’ll want to show it to her later when he’s a jerk at the wedding. NTJ” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are being generous enough to allow your parents to invite 10 guests of their choosing to YOUR wedding that you are paying for even allowing someone you don’t like.
Your aunt and this guy are separated. Who invites separated spouses? If your mom doesn’t want to use one of those 10 invitations you gave her on the guy then so be it. No one has to invite him. It is not singling out her family.
If your fiancé had a similar situation on his side I imagine you would handle it the same.” Bluemonogi
8. AITJ For Kicking My Boundary-Breaking Mother Out?
“I’m 25F, married, mom of 3 small children. Things have been out of control since my mother moved in. She’s 56, divorced, retired Army veteran, and until recently, had a job for 9 years. She lost it after getting caught napping in the bathroom at work—something she’d bragged about in the past. She was gone so long that her boss went looking for her.
Rather than face getting fired, she quit.
She is in good health, Christian, never had booze or substances and has no known mental health issues. With her having nowhere to go and having alienated most of our family, I felt I had to let her move in, even though we hadn’t spoken in over 2 years.
She is the 4th of 9 siblings, none speak to her. All 5 of my older siblings went in contact with her about 8 years ago. My husband and kids had never even met her in person before this.
The first two months were tense but manageable. However, things have taken a turn for the worse with a few minor but two major incidents.
The first happened when my husband was away for work. We had been exchanging some intimate emails. One night, I went to the kitchen for a glass of water and found my mother using my MacBook. She quickly closed it and began apologizing for reading my emails!
I was shocked when I realized she had seen everything, including some explicit pictures of my husband (I didn’t tell him that part). I lost my composure and haven’t been able to talk to her much since, she hides in the guest room, avoiding even her grandchildren.
The final straw came after a family outing with my hubby and kiddos. We had prepared a slow-cooked meal in the oven so that dinner would be ready when we returned. After being out for about 7 hours, we came home to find our entire meal—a dish meant for six people—gone.
Five chicken leg quarters with sides! It was as if animals had ravaged it, but it was just my mother. She sat in the living room, hands covering her mouth, eyes wide with shame, saying, “I couldn’t stop! I just couldn’t stop picking at it!” There was nothing left but bones and drippings.
My husband and I were too shocked to speak. We retreated to our bedroom in silence, trying to process what had happened while the kids played in the other room. I felt like I was drowning in embarrassment and frustration. My mother later knocked on our door and offered to buy us Taco Bell, we just stared at her until she left.
I called one of my brothers and a sister, both of whom reminded me that they had warned me not to let her move in. My MIL is kind and nurturing, the complete opposite of my mom, and my husband doesn’t know how to exist around her.
I’ve given her a month to find other living arrangements.
I’m afraid that if she stays, things will only get worse. We feel the need to lock our bedroom door when we aren’t home for the sake of privacy since she’s a snoop.
I feel like I’m on the edge. It’s only been 3 days since the last episode.
AITJ for kicking her out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Of course you are not wrong for asking her to move out. Your mother has no idea how to respect boundaries or any desire to even attempt to do so.
Rather than be grateful to you for giving her a place to stay, she is taking advantage of you. She knew darned well she was wrong to snoop in your emails, wrong to eat your family’s dinner, and wrong to have slept in the bathroom at her job in the first place.
She doesn’t care who she takes advantage of. Don’t let her walk all over you. You gave her a lifeline and she blew it. I think giving her a month to find somewhere else to stay was more than generous. Do not back down or you will be stuck with her forever.” 77Megg77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The reading email was out of line no questions, and that eating meal sounds more concerning. But you are not wrong for kicking her out. That being said, maybe your mother does have some mental health issues. Don’t get me wrong, some people are just a nuisance but that meal-eating thing just sounds odd to me.
INFO – despite having 9 siblings and other children, why don’t they have any contact with your mother?” SuperOrange2430
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ You may want to contact someone about your area’s landlord-tenant laws. She may have been there long enough to qualify as a tenant and, depending on how willing she is to push this issue, could potentially need to be evicted rather than simply told to leave.
You’ve said that you’ve given her 30 days to move – make sure it’s documented that this notice was given and received. (Sometimes this needs to be delivered by registered mail) This should serve as appropriate notice for a “month to month tenant” – which is possibly what your local laws see her as being.” OdoDragonfly
7. AITJ For Supporting My Niece Over My Brother And His Wife In Their Family Dispute?
“This is something that happened only a few days ago. My niece Ciara (24f) had a baby two and a half weeks ago.
She and her partner decided they didn’t want anyone at the hospital and would handle visits when things settled a bit. Her dad and stepmom offered to host any family on her paternal side she wanted to have met the baby and she agreed and I was invited. During the visit, my brother was holding Ciara’s baby and he told SIL, who is step-grandma, that their first grandchild looked just like her and that Ciara’s child was a mini-SIL.
Ciara told her dad not to say that. He told her it was true and should be proud. SIL asked her why that offends her so much, after all, she is grandma and these things can happen. Ciara said she’s a step. She’s a stepmom, a step-grandma.
She is not biologically related to her or her child and both of them need to accept that and stop trying to force this idea that they (Ciara, her child but also Ciara’s full siblings) look like SIL.
My brother told her to calm down and stop acting hormonal and like there’s something wrong with finding familiar features in the family.
Ciara took her baby off my brother and passed the baby to her partner. Then she told them SIL is not her real family, is not her real mom, is not who she looks like. She told them she has always looked just like her mom and so does her baby.
She told them she had warned them they were going to stop acting like SIL was her actual mom and the actual grandma or she would walk. And she did. She told them she was done.
I followed Ciara out which angered my brother and SIL.
I soothed Ciara and reassured her that we hadn’t all forgotten her mom. Once I got home I realized the anger my brother and SIL held toward me for leaving too because I had several texts. They told me I had defended Ciara being unreasonably nasty to them and especially to SIL and I should have stayed to support them instead of Ciara.
For those who’ll ask for background. My brother was widowed young, Ciara was the oldest at 7, her siblings were 4 and 2. My brother remarried 18 months after his first wife died. He’d known SIL for six months at the time. It was very fast for Ciara but the marriage also started because my brother wanted the kids to have a mom, which is something Ciara never liked and she has never cared for SIL but learned to tolerate her over time.
But my brother and SIL do like to talk as though SIL birthed the three original kids which I mentioned before wasn’t right because their mom still deserved to be recognized. I was ignored, however. And to clarify what I mean by that. SIL and my brother will say the kids look just like SIL when all three favor their mom heavily, or they’ll claim “they” have saved for the kids since birth, they also describe Ciara as their firstborn child.
Comments of that nature are very common from them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is tbh. I’m an auntie and my loyalty is always 100% to my niece and nephew. Ciara’s well-being is paramount here. Your SIL and brother are overstepping. Ciara is probably REALLY missing her mother now more than ever.
It was grossly insensitive and just plain cruel. ” TopAd7154
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and good on you for backing up your niece here. This is an issue that has been bothering her throughout her life (her stepmother trying to make it out that all of the kids somehow resemble her) and pushing it onto her *own* child is a massive step too far.
She was right in just nope-ing out of there and you were very kind to follow her. Brother is a jerk for immediately jumping to the “oh, hormonal woman!” trope and OBVIOUSLY SIL is a jerk and frankly quite weird for trying to make it a “thing” that someone else’s totally unrelated baby looks like them.
That’s just outright WEIRD.” Own-Kangaroo6931
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This one is very clear-cut. You and Ciara are right, your brother and his wife are wrong. Stand by Ciara. She would be justified to go NC for a while. If Ciara welcomed comments as if SIL was her mom, that would be fine.
She does not. And it sounds like her dad and stepmom made a major effort to erase her mom and pretend to be a happy family, which is not okay. They’re lucky she was still speaking to them at all. And then they trampled all over that fragile relationship, because step-grandma’s desire to “be a grandma!” and “look we’re all a happy family!” was more important to them than Ciara’s feelings as a new mom.
Also, any time brother and stepmom say his kids look like her, I would comment on how weird it is that he found another woman who looked so much like his first wife and his daughter.” NapalmAxolotl
6. AITJ For Refusing To Buy My Fiancé A Second, More Expensive Wedding Dress?
“My (F49) fiancé (F32) wants me to buy her a new wedding dress that’s over 50% of the total wedding budget after I already bought her a $8,600 dress.
I’m marrying the love of my life who is a member of a Native American tribe and lives on a reservation in my city.
I was involved with this tribe before I met her, buying an older woman a mobile home to put on her land when her daughter went to prison leaving her three grandkids to raise when she was living in a 15’ travel trailer. She managed to get the kids out of foster care due to this.
This greased the wheels to get the council to approve us having our wedding on the reservation. I’m paying for everything and have a $60,000 budget. There will be traditional dancers, drummers, and a traditional feast all catered by women on the reservation. We have an 80-person guestlist—the only people coming on my side are my mother and my adult nephew.
Yes, I’m spreading my money around on the reservation, trying not to be obnoxious about it. Like I said, I’ve seen the poverty many of them go through and I love that my wedding is bringing money there.
My fiancé said she dreamed of her wedding since she was a little girl. I could care less about weddings, to be honest, so I’ve let her be the only ‘bride’. I’m going to wear a black gown with tuxedo elements on top to kind of stand in as a ‘groom’. This way all the attention will be on her.
My only rule was that the budget was $60,000 FIRM, not a penny more, and I hired a wedding planner she had to work with to get everything within that budget.
She went out with her parents and decided on a beautiful $8,600 dress. She loved it.
It was purchased and fitted. Great.
It’s three months until the wedding (we’re doing November because it’s way too hot to have a summer wedding out here). She was continuing to get things ready with the tribe and the planner. One of the tribal elders brought up her dress. He said she should wear a traditional tribal gown made by one of their artisans.
She sat me down to tell me something ‘serious’ and explained that she couldn’t wear the gown she bought. She needed a traditional tribal gown. I said to get a quote from the artisan and maybe we could get a partial return and/or sell the other gown to cover it.
The artisan’s price? $33,000!! It’s going to be covered with beadwork and she needs to get started NOW.
I said, well it’s a good thing we already have a gown. She said she would not humiliate herself and dishonor her tribe by wearing the wrong gown. I said I can’t approve this cost. It would throw the budget out the window. She says I have millions of dollars, and this is our wedding and I’m being ridiculous.
Yes, I have money. I live off 4% as someone semi-retired. I have this money because I KEEP TO THE BUDGETS I SET.
Now she’s not talking to me except to remind me every day that if the artisan doesn’t start now, she won’t have a dress.
I don’t know what to do. Am I being the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve been generous but now the tribe and your bride are seeing you as a cash cow. Maybe if the elder feels this is so important, he should put up the money for a dress.
The artisan isn’t by any chance a close relative of theirs, is it? If this crazy demand is a deal breaker, I say cut your losses and run. They will drain you dry.” Seed_Planter72
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your fiance smells $$$ and since it isn’t hers, she’s going to use it against you until she gets it.
Have a word with the elders and see if you can agree. Something tells me they’re pressuring you as well because they see the generosity you have shown and are trying to cash in on it. I hate saying it, but it sounds like a scam.” slap-a-frap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It feels like you are kind of being taken for a ride. People see you dropping money and now they are trying to get you to drop more. I would be very curious what the relationship between the “tribal elder” that got into your wife’s ear and the “artisan” that would be making the dress.
Also I take it they can produce some evidence of other people on this poor reservation wearing such gowns? That doesn’t pass the smell test.” bestbobever
5. AITJ For Making My Unemployed Dad Wait 30 Seconds To Pick Me Up?
“I’m not of driving age so I can’t take myself places – transiting would more than double the time it takes me to get to where I need to, as I live in an area outside of the city.
Every time my dad picks me up from a place, he always complains about having to wait for long periods and tells me that I’d have to walk home if I didn’t come out of the building in under a minute. (e.g. school) He always tells me I should be waiting right outside of the building, watching for his car to pull up to the driveway, but sometimes it’s too hot or cold to be doing that.
I don’t find a problem with making him wait for too long as he doesn’t do too much for me, he doesn’t work and I do all the cleaning, cooking, laundry, and chores for myself. At home, I’m always either studying, cleaning, or cooking, with of course the occasional break, but my dad is always watching movies or playing video games and tells me I should be doing more around the house, so I think it’s fair that he drives me around places.
I’m also an only child so it’s not like he has to drive all my other siblings around as well.
As for the problem I had today, I had a sleepover at my friend’s house and was waiting at the door for my dad to come.
I had Find My Phone open to track his location and he was in the same spot for 5 minutes, so I assumed there was heavy traffic and shut my phone off for a bit. The next thing I know, my phone buzzes with my dad texting me saying ‘I’m here.’
I immediately put my slides on, and my friend picked up her cat because he tends to run out. I unlock the door and walk straight towards the car, and the moment I get in, my dad says “Why did I have to wait so long??!” so to that, I tell him that I went out as soon as I saw his location at my friend’s place, and that I wasn’t being unbearably slow either, as I came out in under 30 seconds.
To that, he says “Well, I shouldn’t have to text you.” I told him that he didn’t have to and I would’ve seen him arrive anyway, and he told me, “Next time I have to wait you’re walking home.” I told him that waiting 30 seconds wasn’t that big of a deal and that he was way too impatient.
Later on in the car ride he starts comparing himself to me, saying that at my age he took himself everywhere. I told him that he didn’t have any sports or activities that he does and that he also had 4 siblings with working parents so of course they couldn’t take him around everywhere.
Our conversation kind of ended there, as we arrived home.
My arguments with my dad are all quite similar to this one in terms of structure, we say things to each other but never really resolve them and move on with our lives. But since this has been such an ongoing thing, I was wondering: am I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“Honey, it seems like you’ve got a deadbeat father and I’m guessing a second parent isn’t in the picture. I feel sorry for you for having to deal with your jerk dad. Also, quick note you said he doesn’t work. So then are you working?
If not I’m guessing the family finances come from some sort of trust fund etc. which is dangerous and you should move out asap. I bet you when you are old enough and of earning age he’s gonna expect you to take care of him which he really shouldn’t.
Distance yourself as much as possible you aren’t the jerk. (Also this is all my opinion based on a snippet of your life take all my advice with a bit of grain of salt)” tapsisdumb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but by a hair. Look… your father seems to not be very driven (haha), but he is doing you a solid by taking you around when he doesn’t have to.
That’s worth (a) words of gratitude, and (b) making an effort to be at the designated place at the designated time. So why are you NTJ and Pop is YTJ? First, it seems like you aren’t making him wait that long. What is 30 seconds of waiting for a guy with no job?
Second, he’s the adult, and he’s your father. He’s showing a churlishness which is quite unseemly in a grown man.” akaioi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From what I’m reading you are the mother, the child, AND the father of the house(Considering there was no mention of a mom, I’m going to guess she’s not in the picture?) while your ACTUAL dad is just a leech, that the only thing he’s good at is taking and complaining while giving nothing back and being appreciating of the fact that you put in the work to keep the house clean a livable(where you could just as easily have kept only your room clean and leave the rest to him.
Also, do you have any reliable family members that you can trust in any way, in case your dad one day decides to stop driving you together OR should he ever become physically abusive(impatience could just as easily become having a short temper) I just hope that your life becomes less stressful and not worse?” Snoo_13955
4. AITJ For Being Upset With My Sister-In-Law's Disruptive Behavior During Our Family Reunion?
“My big brother, his wife, family, aunts, uncles, and I all came to visit my mom for her birthday. We took time off and gathered for a week and a half, which was rare since we hadn’t all been together in about 20 years. However, my brother’s wife is getting on my nerves.
She doesn’t seem to enjoy being around us. When we make plans, she leaves hours before and returns late, making us wait and ruining the schedule.
For example, yesterday, my younger brother, who lives here, took a day off to take us all swimming at 10:30 am.
Everyone was ready, except my brother’s wife. She knew we were leaving at 10:30, but said she’d be back quickly. By 1:30 pm, she still wasn’t back. I was upset we had to wait. I asked my mom why she couldn’t meet us there, but she said it would make my brother feel bad, and they’d probably fight.
So, we waited. My brother, who planned the day, and I were both upset because it was getting late, and the drive was long.
She finally arrived at 2 pm, and we had to change plans because the lake would close at 6 pm, leaving us with little time.
We ended up hanging out at a less-than-ideal park because there weren’t any dog-friendly swimming areas nearby. My younger brother said if we were late the next day, he’d rather stay home. I agreed, and so did everyone else, but we couldn’t say it in front of my sister-in-law.
Today, we had plans for 4 pm as soon as my younger brother got off work. However, my sister-in-law is out again with her kids and will be late as usual. I couldn’t handle it anymore and expressed my frustration to my mom and some family.
We came from far away for a rare trip where we could finally be together, and some of us weren’t getting paid to be away. I don’t get to see my family often and don’t want my younger brother to feel excluded because he’s fed up with making plans we’re always late for.
My mom said, “What do you want me to do? I can’t control her.” I acknowledged that but pointed out she could’ve reminded her about our plans. My mom wants us to wait for my sister-in-law so she doesn’t feel bad, but she doesn’t seem to care about the rest of us wasting our vacation time.
I told her I’d likely change my flight to leave early, like tomorrow because I’m too angry to hide it.
I know it isn’t my mom’s fault, and I feel bad for her since it’s her birthday month, but no one seems to be having a good time just sitting at home or unable to explore the city like we wanted. I’m sick of my brother’s wife, and I’m currently in my room crying because I don’t want to be around them anymore.
My younger brother is at work and asked me to make sure everyone would be ready, but I feel bad updating him that we’re going to be late again waiting on our sister-in-law. He’s not going to want to come anymore, and I miss seeing all my brothers.
I don’t want one of them to stay home because of her, but I’m so angry right now. I’d rather stay in my room than say something and create drama.”
Another User Comments:
“Neither your mom, nor you can control her. But you know what you can control?
Your timing, schedule, and plans. By not saying a word, you are letting your sister-in-law control you all. How ironic is it that: your mom claims she cannot control her daughter-in-law but accepts that the daughter-in-law can control everybody else? This is so straightforward that I am amazed at the leniency you are all extending to this woman who is disrespectful and not interested in any of you.
NTJ but act now before you all become jerks to each other…” Artistic_Thought7309
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she is very disrespectful. Having said that the key to a successful family (or even just group) vacation is to allocate free time. to everyone, and to also not force anyone to participate in anything.
Activity X starts at Y time if you’re not there. and haven’t called, we are gonna assume you’re having fun elsewhere.” rhinosorcery
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Good lord, why are you all waiting around for this woman? I’d say it’s pretty clear she *wants* you to go without her.
She leaves and stays gone for hours past start time, at least in part, because she doesn’t want to come on your family outings. She wants to do her own thing; let her. It’s a shame for the kids to miss out if they’re with her, but oh well.
Maybe she’ll pull her head in if she knows they’re missing out. If disregarding her causes problems between her and your brother then so be it. He should have a major problem with her behavior already. They are making her antics the whole family’s problem and that’s neither fair nor okay.
Go have fun and let your brother fight it out with her when y’all get back from your outing. Or he, or your mum, can wait around for her if they’re so determined on it.” Outrageous-Ad-9635
3. AITJ For Refusing To Include My Ex's Other Children In Activities With Our Sons?
“I (32M) have two sons “Jamie” (11M) and “Jayden” (10M).
Their mother and I were high school sweethearts who had the boys before we finished college. We had planned to get married but then I found out my ex was being unfaithful to me and I broke up with her. Jayden was 14 months old at the time.
We split custody and I paid child support for the first 18 months post-breakup until my ex was earning similarly to me which meant child support was ceased and costs were simply split with nobody giving anyone “extra”.
My ex had another son two years after we broke up.
The father was not in the picture. She told me he was the guy she was unfaithful with and that she realized he was a jerk, etc, and asked if I would consider adopting her son and raising him as my own alongside our boys.
I told her I wasn’t going to do that. We ended up arguing about this for so long that she had time to get into another relationship and move this man in, so I told her that he should be a father figure to her son since they plan on building a life together.
Within a year that guy was gone and she had a daughter he fathered.
I continued being a dad to my sons only. I didn’t interact with her other two children but I would see them from a distance during exchanges. She asked me to adopt both her additional children stating they needed a father.
I told her to go and find their fathers then.
She eased up when she met her husband. I thought maybe it was finally the end of her trying to make me responsible for her other children. She has a child with her husband now too, so five in total in her household when our boys are included. But it has not lasted. My ex has admitted her husband isn’t involved in the lives of her other children and they are still missing out on having a father.
So she asked me to include her three other children, and that does include the child she has with her husband, on the days out I have with my sons. She said especially during summer and around Christmas when I take them to do fun holiday-themed activities, it’s not something she can give her other children and she wants them to experience these things also.
She finds out when I do these things with my boys because she will quiz them about their time with me. And each time she gets angry. But when the boys were with her two weeks ago she got extra upset. She had mentioned to me that her son (the oldest of her other three kids) didn’t get much for his birthday and she had wanted to make it up to him.
That was meant to mean me. So when she heard our boys and I had visited an amusement park around his birthday, she blew a fuse and asked me how I could be such a jerk to children. She told me I should be doing better as a father.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“That is a special kind of crazy. Do you know what would have fixed all her problems? **Not being unfaithful to you!** Yeah! All her children would have a dad. No one’s playing favorites. Nobody’s missing out on birthdays or holidays because you’re a good father to your children!
Amazingly, she has the absolute gall to ask you to take in her other kids. How do you even go about this? I know I was unfaithful to you, but my other child- My other children— Look, my fricken *brood* of children don’t have dads, so it’d be great if you just like adopted all of ‘em.
No way you’re NTJ.” BeMandalorTomad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your ex has some audacity, doesn’t she? She tried to baby-trap 3 different men, and they all failed. She keeps coming back to you because you’re the only one responsible enough to be involved in your kids’ lives.
How much do you want to bet that she asked the other men to be a father to her previous kids too? If she can’t provide for her existing children, then she should stop having them. How could _she_ be such a jerk to children?
You are not obligated to play dad to her other children at all. They are not your responsibilities. She needs to focus on giving her children the best life she can. Not finding a man to take care of them so she doesn’t have to.” Frankensteins_Kid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you don’t owe her anything and you are not being a jerk to your kids. They’re not your responsibility. It’s not like you are rubbing things in her kids’ faces. But maybe encourage your sons to not tell their siblings much.
Which doesn’t help with the mother interrogating them. My half-sister’s mother abandoned her to my dad when she was 6. My dad didn’t ask my mom to take responsibility for her or be a mother to her. It wasn’t her job! Granted we were all equally poor and not doing much.
2. AITJ For Prioritizing My Kids Over Relationships After My Wife's Death?
“I (46M) lost my wife to cancer 4 years ago, when our two sons were 6 and 8 years old. It was a difficult adjustment for all of us, and I’d be kidding if I said it doesn’t remain difficult, but I can also say that the boys and I have managed to move forward as a close-knit family.
They’re doing great in school. I’m fortunate enough to be well-off, so I have been able to afford therapy for all of us and plenty of help around the house. We have an awesome roster of babysitters who the kids love. My late wife’s sister and brother-in-law happen to live near us and have stepped up as additional adult family figures in my kids’ lives.
I have not pursued any relationships since my wife’s passing. I want to focus on my kids. It’s not like I am a hermit or anything. I have plenty of friends and I do get the opportunity to socialize, thanks to babysitters and my sister and BIL.
For sure, it’s not the life I envisioned a decade ago, but I feel like I am making things work and I’m proud of our resilience as a family.
The problem is my mother (divorced from my dad and remarried) and my older brother (divorced and remarried).
A year or so after my wife’s death, they started making comments about how I needed to start seeing people again, with the strong hint that my kids needed a mother figure around. I found this annoying then and only more annoying as time has gone on.
The comments tend to wax and wane. The irony is that both my mother and my brother ended up with step-kids. In my mother’s case, it happened just after I left for college, so I never lived with my stepdad or step-siblings, but my younger brother did, and it was a mess for him.
He and the step-siblings never got along, he never recognized his step-dad as a father figure. Our dad never remarried and he and my brother have a much better relationship than he and my mother do. My older brother’s family is a signal example of the phenomenon visible all over this sub of two people with kids remarrying in the belief that they are going to be the Brady Bunch but instead ending up as the Jerry Springer show.
The step-sibs war with each other and their respective step-parent.
Here’s my potential jerk behavior. At a recent family dinner (no kids, just mom, my two brothers, and I), mom and older brother started in again on the “you need to find a partner” nonsense.
I tried to deflect it in a non-confrontational way. “I guess my family is like a wheelchair – we’re not designed to handle ‘steps.’” It didn’t work, as they became defensive, and I was pig-headed to avoid seeing people for that reason. I lost my temper and told them that they could do as they pleased, but I felt like the happiness of my kids was more important than having a full bed and someone to make me breakfast (my brother’s wife is a SAHM).
I can pay a maid or a cook if I need it, I said. My younger brother said “Amen”, but mom and other bro said my comments were cruel and insulting. Did I overreact?”
Another User Comments:
“They say a hard head makes for a soft bottom.
I hope that’s true for them when they trip and fall over this audacity. They’ve been at this for 3 years. Get you some business and STFU. Sounds like you and your kids are thriving. It seems like men are always in a rush to remarry.
On social media a few months ago this guy was talking about how much he loved and cherished his wife, but 18 months after she died he was ready to find a new wife. It’s just disheartening. It’s just refreshing to see a man who’s okay focusing on himself and his kids for more than a few years.
NTJ. I like your style. Their stance very much gives misery loves company” fancyandfab
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if they get to comment on the topic of romantic relationships when it comes to you, then it’s fair that you get to do so in turn.
In any case, many people are so afraid of not being in a relationship and can’t handle their own company that they assume that other people are the same. They think being coupled is the only way to be happy and fulfilled. Some people just don’t want a romantic relationship for any number of reasons and that’s perfectly fine.
Maybe in the future when they bring up the topic again, your response can just be asking how those step-related problems are going. Maybe they’ll begin to associate bringing up the topic of your personal life with discomfort on their part.” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are wrong. The absolute best thing you can do for your children is wait until they are out of school to see people. No steps. The last thing your kids need is a new stepparent who inevitably tries to erase the parent they lost and new stepsiblings moving in to upset the healing you are all working toward.
A healthy, happy Dad is all they need in your situation. There’s plenty of time to see people after the kids are grown and you only need a companion for yourself and not a parenting role for your kids. Your mom and brother can lick lemons.” Open-Incident-3601
1. AITJ For Refusing To Care For My In-Laws' Incontinent Dog While Pregnant?
“My husband and in-laws are traveling out of state in a month to BIL’s wedding. They’ll be gone for 4-5 days. I’ll be 32 weeks pregnant and have already been having a lot of back pain issues.
Additionally, I just started a new job that is more intensive than expected. I also homeschool my 3 kids, and we have livestock and many animals of our own to care for.
Initially, I said I’d go over to their house to take care of their cats and dog and they could keep their bird at our house. This was already going to be a lot on me with all the other responsibilities and being pregnant. But I also recommended having someone else come over a couple of times earlier in the day to let the dog out.
Then, the other day, my FIL said we’d have to keep the dog at our house. I was in a haze of exhaustion from working all day and having a bad cold and just sort of nodded along without thinking about it. Then he started explaining that the dog is incontinent and will need to be cleaned off since he is peeing and having diarrhea on himself all day and that someone will need to sit with him constantly because he will whine all day (and will likely still whine all day anyway.)
After I’d had a chance to clear my mind, I told my husband I didn’t think this was a good idea because I was not going to be able to do all my normal stuff, all his normal stuff, plus go to their house to care for their other animals, AND clean up dog pee and diarrhea all day.
(I already can’t stand smells as it is because of the pregnancy and get severe back pain and dizziness from bending over.)
My husband flipped out, said there was no other option, and said I was being selfish and putting his parents in a bad situation.
Then today, my husband “broke the news” to his parents and they started yelling about how they have no one else to watch the dog and we already said we would and how they’re so stressed out (neither has held a job or tried to find one for the last 8 months, no small kids at home, and have been getting money from someone else to pay everything for them.) Considering this, I don’t understand why they don’t just hire a pet sitter for the time they’re gone.
If I weren’t pregnant, I would try to make it work. But I’m already completely exhausted and barely keeping up with my regular responsibilities. I’ve expressed this multiple times throughout the pregnancy. They’ve SEEN me fall asleep at gatherings because of the exhaustion.
Also, they have known about this wedding for a year and haven’t tried to find anyone to care for the animals.
(The usual people they’d have are also going to the wedding.) Only recently did we propose the solution of me watching them (not them bringing the dog here though), and only a few days ago did my FIL suggest the dog coming to our house, so it’s not like it’s been months or anything that they have been expecting me to do this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ they can board the dog at a kennel or vet office. Their problem. Their lack of planning. Their responsibility. None of this is your fault or your responsibility. Your husband is being an unsupportive jerk. Ask him if the dog and his father are more important than your unborn child and you.
If it is that important to your husband let him take time off work and go to their house and watch the dog. His parents can pay his lost wages. Problem solved. ” Right_Narwhal821
Another User Comments:
“What kind of people think it’s ok that their dog is doubly incontinent and doesn’t take the poor animal to a vet?
If the dog is also whining all day, it’s in distress. This is so not okay and utterly irresponsible. It’s not your job to condone their abysmal behavior because they’re too cheap or lazy to provide their dog with proper care, especially since you’re heavily pregnant, have children, home, and work to deal with.
Your husband’s behavior is equally disturbing. Is he more concerned about possibly inconveniencing his parents than he is with his own pregnant wife’s wellbeing? The apple didn’t fall far from the tree here. You seem willing to sacrifice yourself to keep the peace with these unreasonable and demanding creatures but this is a hill you should die on.
It’s just a disaster waiting to happen and any bad results would be blamed on you (keeping in mind that this dog is likely very sick). NTJ but it’s time to stand up for yourself. Enough is enough.” forgetregret1day
Another User Comments:
“Their dog, their responsibility to find suitable care for it. Who on earth wants to burden a pregnant woman who’s that far along? They’re probably just upset that they can’t take advantage of free sitting and now have to pay someone. Put your feet up and rest as much as possible OP.
Husband needs to step up and manage his family. Am 32w pregnant myself. Cannot imagine being burdened with anything rn. It sounds like you might be the one who’s doing too much and needs some help. Are there some responsibilities that you could give up, let slide, or delegate?
I have two dogs that are almost no trouble and my parents often watch them for us during the day for a few hours. But I always ask in advance, make it clear that a no is fine, and I have sitters as a backup plan.
Every favor is a gift, not an expectation.” Life_Percentage7022
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