People Get Riled Up In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Criticizing My Friend's Multiple Degrees And Spending Habits?
“I decided to post this with the help of my husband (who is unsure if my behavior was over the line). Here’s what he thought was important for the sake of the story:
– My friend of about 17 years (Delilah, 37f) had a very problematic childhood.
She barely went to school because her only parent was addicted to substances among many other problems. I don’t know how she slipped through the system for so long but she was pretty much a lost cause by high school because of how little discipline she had.
– At 23 her dad died and due to the matter of death, Delilah won a somewhat large sum of money.
– Once she got that money, Delilah chose to go to a community college. I guess she learned to love learning and had so many interests she never knew about that she went to several schools in most of her 20s and came out with several degrees.
So my view: I’ve held my tongue on her wasting so much money on school. I guess if it was my money I’d want to save it or explore then get a degree, not go head first. She has 6 degrees and to me, it’s just silly.
The real kicker is my husband is an engineer and makes more than she does, despite all her side jobs and projects.
Well, we were visiting her and she mentioned how she wanted to study history and maybe take a class or two online for the fun of it.
I laughed and asked if any of her inheritance was still even left. She said that shouldn’t be my concern. I admitted it was ridiculous, she could have just bought a nice house with that money, instead of blowing it on degrees that she doesn’t even use.
She told me all her degrees served a purpose, she loves what she does now and loves learning because she was deprived of it as a child. She told me she wasn’t going to defend herself to someone who did not grow up in a similar situation.
My husband told her to calm down. After is now awkward and I’m not sure if I need to apologize or not. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You sound incredibly jealous. I wonder if all this hate and jealousy stems from the fact you didn’t get to attend school after high school.
You said your husband makes more money than her and not you so my question is are YOU making more money than her? It doesn’t matter if she spends her money on substances or spending it on nothing but shoes and electronics because guess what?
It’s her money and she can do as she pleases with it. Also, she is a literal icon to me. I haven’t been doing well in school much (better than her by how you explained it) so Delilah (Also my name but without the H) is giving me hope that I can still try and make it into school and my dream career.” Empress-Delila
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Neglect is a very common form of child mistreatment. So you need to keep in mind you’re judging someone from your frame of reference who has lived a vastly different life than you have. “She has 6 degrees despite all her side jobs and projects.” From your description, she might have ADHD.
If so, that’s another way in which her frame of reference and her decision-making process might be vastly different than yours. “At 23 her… dad was murdered” Well, then, that’s yet another way in which her lived experience is drastically different than yours. You have zero right to be judging her choices.
“I laughed and asked if any of her inheritance was still even left.” Yup. YTJ. 100%.” throw05282021
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I don’t know why you feel entitled to have a say on how she spends her money- it’s her money. She could gamble on the stock market, or blow it all in one glorious day at Dave & Busters, and it’d still be none of your business.
Why did you even bring up your husband’s degree and the income he makes? Why is that a kicker? Just because you don’t see the value in her degrees doesn’t mean it’s not there. SHE finds value in it, therefore it has value.
She’s not using her degrees to get a job because SHE’s PURSUING other degrees still. She has the financial ability to do so, and it’s none of your business. Do you even like this person? Is this a jealousy thing that she’s pursuing multiple degrees and you’re stuck in a job you dislike?
Either apologize and make your peace with the fact that you don’t get a say in anyone else’s financial situations, or leave this girl alone because yours are not the actions of a friend.” ShesDaBomb
21. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Husband Buy His Ex-Wife A New House?
“His ex and kids dislike me and I’m not fond of them either. They all think I’m the reason they can’t reunite even though she’s the unfaithful one and I didn’t meet him until he was in the middle of their divorce negotiations.
His kids are rude to me and when I was pregnant with our first child, they told me I should hurry and terminate the pregnancy before it’s too late.
Anyway, during the divorce negotiations, my husband voluntarily gave up the paid-off house so that his kids wouldn’t have to move schools.
He agreed to pay child support beyond what the courts would have imposed and his alimony amount is more than her salary. In return, she agreed to not sell the house or move until the youngest was 18.
Something happened and she sold the house and moved into an apartment.
This past weekend, he came and asked if I would object to him buying her another house because she’s missing out on her time with the kids. They refuse to stay in her cramped apartment. I said no and that she needed to live with the consequences of her bad decisions.
He begged but I stood my ground. I reminded him that we have a child together and another on the way. Any money he spends on his ex is taking away from their future. He argued that his kids need a home and I countered that they each have their rooms in our house.
Even though I can’t stand them, I can be an adult and tolerate them if it means he doesn’t buy his ex a house. He said it’ll be in our names but I countered that interest rates are high and the housing market in our area is crashing so we’ll lose money if we buy a house now which in turn will affect our children’s future.
His ex reached out to his parents and now they’re on my case about making their grandkids homeless. It feels like everyone is making me out to be the wicked stepmother and I’m the crazy one. I can’t be the only one to think it’s crazy for a husband to buy his ex a house.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So the ex had a fully paid-up house, a job, and alimony which was more than her salary, but she still sold her house and now wants another one? Fully paid up too, I assume? What happened to the money she got from selling the house?
Why is it your fault when she’s the one who sold the house? Also, your stepkids are not homeless, they have 2 houses, and they just don’t like either one of them. You need to focus on yourself and your kids. Your husband needs some common sense.
If your in-laws think she should have a new house, they can buy her one.” ToughUnderstanding52
Another User Comments:
“Nope, you’re not the jerk. Did he say anything to his kids about you terminating the pregnancy??? Tell him that if he doesn’t get his parents to back off, you will walk from the relationship, and she sold the house..
that’s on her. Yes, they are his kids, but he doesn’t owe her a house. I’d keep an eye out because I reckon he will do it behind your back. Say to him ” I think I’ve put up with more than what anyone else would with her and the rudeness of your children, she sold the house her problem, not ours and she needs to stop acting like you’re her husband.
I’d also like to go back to court and speak to a lawyer about lowering her alimony and the child support payments to a reasonable amount, if the kids need anything they can come to us, and if you don’t tell your parents to back off I’ll walk.” Also, why did she sell the house when there was an agreement??
And where is the money for the house, But still, none of this is your husband’s problem, it’s on her to sort.” WinterFront1431
Another User Comments:
“Your husband has a serious problem in being firm with his ex. She broke their deal about not selling the house until the youngest was 18yo.
The house was paid for and yet she has no money for the sale?! How did this happen? What did she do with the money? She has two salaries (one of hers and your husband’s child support). Yet she can’t pay for a house big enough for the kids.
And despite all of this, your husband wants to buy her another house?! Wtf?! This woman has proven, multiple times, that she doesn’t deserve it and can’t be trusted! She had all the means to find a house for herself. The kids can stay with you guys if they don’t like their mother’s house.
And if your in-laws want to interfere, they can buy her a house with their own money. She is taking advantage of your husband. And he is letting her. Stay firm. Honestly, him buying her a house without your ok, would be a deal breaker for me.
If he gives her another house, next will be a new car, and then more child support, and then another house, and so on. NTJ” ExpressionMundane244
20. AITJ For Banning My Fiancé's Best Friend From Our Wedding?
“My fiancé and I have been together just under 6 years (engaged for 2.5 years). We have a great relationship overall, our friends and family all get along well with the other person, with no issues at all… EXCEPT for one of my partner’s best friends.
This best friend has never liked me and seemingly had it out for me the entire time. She ignores my existence and refuses to speak or be cordial to me, but as soon as she sees my partner, she yells and hugs him talking “Hey best friend” while ignoring me even though I’m right next to him.
I told him about it and how it made me feel and at first it went unaddressed 2-3 more times because he “needed proof” to make sure there was an issue. After said “proof” was present he spoke to her about it and she got a little better, but only around groups of people and like twice.
She indicated she didn’t have a problem with me, so he felt I was the only one having an issue and I needed to just approach her and talk it out.
I told him I was not doing that because she wasn’t my friend and HE needed to do so.
A couple of weeks ago we attended a mutual friend’s party. I attempted to make eye contact and say hello 2-3 times but she avoided me and refused to look at me the whole time. My fiancé noticed because it was so blatant. I don’t want her respect, don’t need her to like me, and don’t honestly want her around at all, I just want her to have basic human decency.
This situation has caused me to rethink my relationship and end it because I feel my fiancé is in the wrong for engaging with her after seeing how she completely disregards me. I think now but mostly after marriage we’re supposed to be a unit and I wouldn’t allow this behavior from a friend.
I’ve been feeling like a jerk because we spent the better half of a nice evening arguing about this, and I told him she can’t come to our wedding, as I won’t have someone who can’t seem to stand me near me then.
AITJ for telling my fiancé she can’t come to our wedding ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s in love with your man. Upset that he’s with you and pretending like you don’t exist makes her feel better. She won’t say or do anything to make him upset. She’s saying she has no problem with you because the problem isn’t with you technically it’s with him.
She was hoping for her romantic movie moment when the male best friend finally realizes and falls for his female best friend. ” Alternative-Gur-6208
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not allowing the best friend to come to the wedding, but you are the jerk for still wanting to marry the guy.
Your man doesn’t respect you or he would have put his foot down with the best friend after he saw the way she continued to disrespect you after he said something to her. Do you honestly think just not inviting her to the wedding will change anything?
She’s still going to be a pain in the butt after you get married. Then there will be more hoops to go through when you end up divorcing because of her.” Effective_Brief8295
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!! This would upset me too. She is disrespecting you and being a terrible friend to your fiance.
A true friend would go the extra mile to make you feel welcome and comfortable with their friendship knowing how much you mean to him. Your fiance needs to ask himself why he would want to maintain a relationship of any type with someone who disrespects you.
He’s planning on building a life with you, yet he’s prioritizing her feelings. Why? Is it because he doesn’t have a backbone? Is it because he thinks how people treat you isn’t relevant to him? Is he seeing her on the side? You can’t answer any of these other than to set a boundary and hold firm.” RamonaDanger
19. AITJ For Telling My Bullying Half-Sister That Her Unpopularity Is Her Own Fault?
“I (15M) have an older, half sister, Sasha. She’s 18 and has been an actual menace to me for as long as I can remember. I’m talking straight-up nefarious plots. She convinced 7-year-old me to run home on my own because our dad had already gone home and was abandoning me, She tried to swap my tickets to get me to board the wrong train when I was 9.
I mean seriously, what child thinks of this stuff?! I spent most of my childhood and teen years scared of her. She’s 18 now and complains that people at school don’t like her.
She’s in her final year and she doesn’t have anyone to sign her leaver’s shirt.
She complains about it constantly and has recently started saying that it was because our dad put all these responsibilities on her when she was young and she was this that and the other and that’s why she’s too mature for people her age.
She babysat me like twice.
Once for 2 hours when Dad had to go to the hospital to pick up Gran and once when we were younger, when I was sick and Dad had to go pick up meds. Neither of those times did I bother her, because again, scared. She has the same number of chores as me and when I was younger bullied me into doing most of them.
In my opinion, she’s pretty immature for her age.
Anyway, she started her woe-is-me, thing and how her life was ruined when I was born and how she wished it had never happened, how it ruined all of her prospects. I then muttered under my breath about how maybe she could take just a scrap of accountability and that maybe it was her fault people didn’t like her.
She obviously, did not like that. She started screaming about how I could say that when I was the cause of all her misery and what a terrible brother I was, I ran upstairs and locked myself in my room.
I don’t think I’m the jerk, like yes I was a bit harsh but I’m getting a bit tired of hearing how my existence is the worst thing to ever happen.
But maybe I could have been nicer. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ For all the reasons people are friendless, the mere existence of a half-sibling is not one of them. She is jealous of you and you are a convenient scapegoat and puppy to kick.
She’s an unhappy person and it has nothing to do with you. You told her the truth she doesn’t have friends because people don’t enjoy her company.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“NTJ … But your sis sure is. She is jealous of you because you were born and took attention away from her.
What her immature brain can’t realize is that your parents had enough love for you both. We reap what we sow! If she was friendlier her academic life would have been different. If she changes, she might have a decent college life. Look at it this way …..
She might very well move out soon.” QL58
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP and I am so sorry that she bullied you and hurt you in the past. It seems karma has nicely dished it out on her which means there is a likelihood she has bullied people at her school.
Truth hurts for her OP and well done you saying it as it is Moving forward, I encourage you to seek support from your school counselor or a local organization that supports teens like you facing bullying siblings. Be careful and do not let her bully you anymore.
Hang in there OP once you are 18, you can cut her off for good if you want to.” Kangaroo-Pack-3727
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- I’m around the same age as your older sister. I’ve always had to take care of my younger sibling- babysit her, help her with homework and chores, make sure she had food, etc. I also did college and high school at the same time, had a job, and was involved in extracurriculars.
All of the responsibility your sister claims, I had. But people still liked me. I had plenty of friends. I was on the Prom Court. Your sister’s responsibilities on their own won’t hinder her from having friends. And it certainly isn’t your fault either way.
Sounds like she just hates taking responsibility for her actions.” that’s-so-random46
18. AITJ For Being Upset My Partner Was Late To My Birthday Without Informing Me?
“It was my (f41) birthday yesterday and my partner (m41) was due to come over in the evening with his young daughters to make the birthday cake with my friends. Blow out the candles, cut the cake, and everyone goes home.
It’s a Wednesday so not a big party or anything.
Background: Usually on a Wednesday my partner’s parents collect his daughters from school at 3.30 pm and take them home to his, feed them dinner, and wait for him to get home from work between 5.30 and 6 pm, depending on when he leaves work and traffic.
He lives a 5-minute drive away from me. I wasn’t expecting to see him because usually, I’d only see him on a Wednesday if I went to his but he informed me he would be coming to mine as it was my birthday.
At 4:50 pm my partner called me, from his car, to say he’d got out a bit early, was collecting his girls, and be with me asap. This journey was 30-40min depending on traffic. My friends arrive at 5:20 pm and we await my partner’s arrival.
I chase my partner for where he’s at at 6:10 pm and he responds at 6:20 pm telling me his mother had taken his daughters out for dinner and he’ll be as quick as he can. It is at this point I realize he went out for dinner with his mother and hadn’t had the decency to tell me that he was going to be late.
My children and I hadn’t eaten as yet because we didn’t want to sit and eat and have everyone watching us. So I ordered a takeout and went to collect it. He arrived at mine at 6:45 pm and I arrived back with food shortly after that.
AITJ for being upset and expecting an apology because either he lied to me when he said that he was collecting his daughters and coming straight to me, or, if he was unaware of his mother’s plans to eat out at that time, for his lack of communication and failure to inform me that he was eating before coming to mine and so wasn’t coming straight to mine as he’d said?
He thinks I have no right to be upset because he didn’t specifically give a time for when he would be there.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He said he’d meet you ASAP and provided no other details. You can only assume from there that there’s nothing else happening.
If at any point he had just texted or called you to let you know of any change of plans, this post had the potential to have no jerks, but he at no point updated you voluntarily, only after you pushed for an answer. For goodness sake, it was your birthday.
Me and my wife always have and still do tell each other of our movements, even in the early days when it was nothing serious.” GHDownUnder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re hurt and felt dismissed on your birthday, and those feelings are valid.
Actions speak volumes, and he chose dinner with Mom over being back for your birthday celebration. Birthdays come once a year, and he couldn’t make an efforts to be there. You are worth better than this. And happy belated birthday to you!” Confident_Macaron_15
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.. One doesn’t call and say ‘Hey, I got out of work *early*, and am collecting the girls’ unless they plan to be at your place next – otherwise it wasn’t *relevant information* if he was planning on being there much later all along.
You have it correct, that he changed his plans mid-stream, and went out to dinner. His bad. Instead of owning it, he doubled down with the excuse that he never committed to a specific time. When someone doubles down to defend *that way*, it’s because they know they are wrong and are unable to admit it.
He knows he did bad, and he knows he owes you the apology, but his pride is involved, and until the swelling goes down, he may not give you that apology for a while. Maybe never if he thinks you’ll let it go – a lot depends on the depth of his character.” TrainingDearest
17. AITJ For Laughing At My Brother's Unhealthy Relationship With Our Mom?
“I (26 M) have a brother (29 M) who is going through a rather nasty divorce from his wife (30 F) right now that is completely his fault. My sister-in-law is divorcing him because she got fed up with his lack of respect for her and his relationship with our mother.
I’ve seen what she’s talking about firsthand not just with her but in all his relationships.
For context, my brother is the golden child ESPECIALLY to my mom. My parents have always thrown me and my sister (the oldest) to the side for him and his accomplishments and it’s turned him into a giant entitled momma boy even as a grown man.
I’m not going to mince words, my brother’s relationship to our mom is unhealthy. He claims I don’t know what a good mother-son relationship is like (which is fair as my mother doesn’t like me) but they don’t have any boundaries with each other and my mom is overbearing and one of those “I’m the most important woman in my son’s life” moms. She gets competitive with his partners and is nasty to all of them, sister-in-law was no different she was just willing to put up with it more until she snapped after a recent incident.
While he was at our parent’s house, my sister-in-law texted him to discuss custody arrangements for their daughter, it devolved into an argument with him calling her all sorts of names and telling her to grow up with my mom egging him on. The last thing she texted was “We’ll talk when you start acting like a man and not a mommy’s boy” and then blocked him.
He was angry and telling us about it and I couldn’t help but laugh I asked what he expected, he was literally at our mom’s house crying to her about it. This set both him and my parents off and they all yelled at me about not supporting my brother and now none of them are speaking to me.
My sister sides with me and our sister-in-law but says maybe laughing at him when he’s already hurting is a jerk thing to do. AITJ for not defending my brother?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her response was epic. You can support your brother without bashing or disagreeing with your sister-in-law.
You can keep him company, take him to dinner, play a game of tennis with him, help him find a new place to live, etc. You do not need to agree with anything he says or tell him that she’s wrong. If your family doesn’t like that, so be it.
If it’s true, it’s true.” Special_Respond7372
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry your parents don’t realize that all of their children are equally wonderful and should be loved the same and appreciate you and your sister more. Let their “little” family rot and go to a bad place.
Live the best life you can for yourself and revenge is being happy and successful despite them and maybe later on if you want to, having a family of your own to love and appreciate like you could and should have been.” DealVisual
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Only in your brother’s delusional world, with mommy, are you the jerk. He earned every bit of that, and Mommy did as well. Sadly, assuming Dad is still in the picture, he is defending this, so he gets lumped into jerk territory/world as well.
Honestly, I’d laugh my behind-off at this as well.” TheMerle1975
16. AITJ For Wanting Independence And Living Alone After Overcoming Cancer?
“I (34F) recently had a significant argument with my mom (54F), which escalated unexpectedly. I’m the youngest in a typical middle-class Indian family of four, and my parents have always been overprotective due to my premature birth and frequent illnesses during childhood.
This overprotection extended into my adolescence, limiting my social life and activities. Despite having a driver’s license, I wasn’t allowed to drive because my mom was too scared.
After completing my undergraduate and master’s degrees, I was hastily married off in an arranged marriage at 25, right after finishing my master’s.
The marriage was abusive and short-lived, ending in divorce after 11 months. Although my parents supported me through the divorce, it heightened my mom’s overprotectiveness. I continued my studies, moved to the US for a dual master’s, and got a job, but my mom’s anxiety persisted. She called me incessantly and pressured me to remarry.
In 2020, my mom had a heart attack, which intensified her pressure on me to “settle down.” Reluctantly, I started meeting potential partners, but nothing clicked, leading to more pressure and eventually depression. In 2023, I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. My sister stepped in, keeping my mom at bay and allowing me to focus on treatment.
After chemo in the US, I returned to India for further treatment and was recently declared cancer-free.
My sister realized I wasn’t ready for marriage and supported my desire to live alone, explore, travel, and pursue a PhD before settling down. We planned for me to stay in her apartment in Kochi, near my hospital, with my parents visiting every two weeks.
Initially, my mom agreed, but once we settled in, she refused to leave, citing that she couldn’t let me live alone. She constantly monitored me, rearranged my apartment without asking, and bought unnecessary furniture, cramming our space.
The situation worsened when my sister visited and confronted my mom about deviating from the plan and continuing to baby me.
This led to a major argument, with my mom accusing me of betraying her love and creating a dramatic scene. It took hours to calm her down, leaving me guilty and frustrated.
Am I the jerk for wanting to live alone and have some independence for once in my life?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Congratulations on beating the cancer! This is partly about your mom, but it’s also a cultural issue because you’re certainly not the first Indian woman to complain about parents whose over-protectiveness, emotional blackmail, inappropriate pressure to marry, accusations of betrayal, and general drama extend well into their adult years when you should be 100% self-sufficient.
The truth is she WANTS you to be dependent on her. It’s not that she’s worried for you. Ultimately, you just need to decide whether you’re going to stick to your guns and stand up for yourself to your parents. None of this is your parent’s decision, and the fact that you even feel bad about it says that your mom’s emotional coercion has already had deep effects on your psyche.” gordonf23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop letting her guilt trip you and worrying about her feelings. Trust me, she doesn’t care, she just wants her way. Tell her you want her out. Tell your sister. If your mother asks ‘Do u want me to leave this apartment?’ say ‘Yes, immediately.’ Don’t try and sugar-coat it, don’t try to be polite – Be direct and ignore her drama.
Tell her ‘THIS behavior is why I want you gone. You said I could live alone and you lied.'” DryPoetry6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to sit down and explain to your mum that needing space in your life away from her doesn’t mean that you don’t love or appreciate her.
I think that being firm in your agreement about visiting every two weeks is necessary but offering to call often or offering to visit her may help calm your mum down and make her fret less. It might even be necessary to establish that if she visits without telling you or your sister, then you won’t let her in or that if she buys more furniture you’re going to sell it or give it away because, in my experience, overprotective parents assume that you’re joking or something when you set your boundaries so they don’t even think about respecting them.
you need to make it clear that you’re being serious about this You could also talk with other family members to see if they can help your mum come to terms with the fact that you need some independence in your life. especially if you feel like she’s more likely to listen to them.
good luck” Unusual_Current4338
15. AITJ For Taking Extra Math Classes Despite My Mom's Inconvenience?
“I (16 female) go to an independent study school. My school requires you to go into the building 2 times a week for at least 3 hours each day (6 hours a week).
I’m graduating 2 years ahead of my class but I’m struggling in math. I’ve finished all of my English, history, etc but my 3 years of math. I’ve always struggled in math and I don’t understand it at all. Here where it gets kinda tricky, I cannot drive quite yet.
My mom gets up at 3 am to work and gets off at 1. My dad also works but a regular 9-5. So it’s typically just me home. I go to school at 10 am and get off at 1 just in time for me to get picked up by my mom.
Since I am struggling in math so much, my teachers came up with a plan for me to take 2 math classes at a time (each class being 2 hours long.) So instead of me getting off of school at 1 pm, I would get off at 3 pm.
I knew this would be hard on my mom so I asked her before I signed up for anything. We were in the car and I proposed the idea. Her words exactly were “I’ll support you in whatever you choose to do”. So a couple weeks later I signed up for the math classes.
Math is the only thing holding me back from graduating. Now on to the conflict. I am home most of the time, I cook, I do the regular chores, and whatever needs to be done I do it. I reminded my mom that the classes start tomorrow and she will need to pick me up at 3 pm.
She caught an attitude and walked away. She has had this attitude all day and it’s kinda ruining my motivation to keep going. I don’t know, it’s just the constant negative energy. I feel I am the jerk because I think I should’ve just waited a little longer instead to see if she felt comfortable with picking me up later.
I don’t know. I’m quite frankly lost. She always tells me to just get through high school and finish it quickly but now that I have the option to do so it feels wrong. Sorry, this seems kinda long!
Good morning guys, I just wanted to come on here and address some of the really common questions that have been asked. A common question that has been asked is “What if you stay at school til 5?” I cannot do that.
My school closes at 3 right after I get out of my classes. Another question I’ve been getting is, “Can your dad pick you up” and the answer is no. My dad runs his own business, and the hours vary all the time. Sometimes he doesn’t come home til 10 pm.
So I’d be stuck at school all night if I relied on him. Public transportation is not an option. It’s too unsafe and very dangerous where I live. My mom has made that very clear. The last question I can remember off the top of my head right now is “Why are u trying to graduate early, what about your social life.” To be honest, I don’t care about my social life, I’ve been in a stable 3-year-long relationship and I think I’ve been socializing just fine.
I choose not to have friends because I just don’t find very good ones. I want to graduate early so I can go to college (no my mom is not paying for it.) I hope this answers some of the most common questions I’ve been getting.
I’ll update you guys in a bit, gotta get ready for school now.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m leaning No jerks here with maybe a slight jerk towards your mom depending on attitude but night shift work is rough and trying to adapt or being reminded about a new schedule you’d forgotten can be a bit challenging.
As long as the attitude isn’t a long-lasting issue I’ll let it slide. If the time is an issue is there no way to work out something that may work with both of your schedules? I’m assuming public transit is completely out of the question?
What about having the ability to hang at school for a little longer working on the homework and such or whatever on school property and maybe Dad can come by after work or Mom at a better hour or something? Also, there should be no rush IMO to graduate early and some of the struggles could just be that pressure and maybe trying to rush a more challenging personal subject a bit too fast. I can’t imagine trying to do two different classes worth of a subject I wasn’t a fan of at one time.
Could barely keep up in one with a trouble subject never mind two at once.” Lurus01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are still a kid so I wouldn’t expect you to explore all avenues yet but at 16 have you considered googling what public transport is available to you and presenting this to mum as an alternative?
It might be that you need to give up some of your time to meet Mum halfway here. You are nearly an adult and the time to fend for yourself driving or not is swiftly approaching.” Astoran15
Another User Comments:
“NTJ just talk to your mom.
As a mom myself to a teen, sometimes we can get grumpy too. She might’ve forgotten it started when it did or she might’ve had the crappiest day at work, who knows. But I feel like communication is the most important thing to do right now.
She committed to supporting you and now she has to help follow through on that commitment. And kudos for getting through school so quickly!” Empty-Background-231
14. AITJ For Limiting My Kids' Phone Use And Going Through Their Devices?
“I have 3 kids, aged 9, 12 and 17. My sister has 2 kids, 10-year-old twins.
In my house, my wife and I have a policy of no phones at all until they leave primary school aged 11 because then they will start walking to secondary school alone, no smartphone until they have proved they are trustworthy with their brick phone (keeping it charged, not losing it, etc.) and no social media until they have reached the minimum age for that social media (for most it is 13).
Most controversially I go through my kid’s phones/tablets. We have a shared family iPad that I go through once a week. 9 y/o doesn’t have a phone yet, 12 y/o has a brick phone and I stopped going through 17 y/o’s phone and laptop when he turned 16 because I trust him.
My kids (apart from 17 y/o because he is almost an adult and can manage his screentime) get screentime limits (obviously I can’t control what 12y/o does on her phone when out of the house but it’s only a brick phone), the iPad only has YouTube kids and has child locks on the internet.
My sister’s boys on the other hand both have iPhones, both have social media and both have unlimited screen time. My sister doesn’t go through their phones at all. This wouldn’t bother me because each to their own with parenting decisions but my 12 y/o is jealous her cousins are allowed social media, have a better phone than her, and don’t get their text messages checked through, my 9 y/o because of his cousins has been begging for a phone.
I said no and reiterated why internet safety is so important to me (I have had personal experiences).
My sister heard this and took me aside, she said I was making her sound like a bad parent, said my way of parenting is invasive and gives my kids no privacy, and that she is going to buy my kids’ smartphones for their birthdays if daddy is going to be a stick in the mud.
9 and 12 overheard this and were very excited so me and my sister have been arguing for weeks now but my sister thinks I am a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your sister is a MASSIVE jerk for deliberately saying that when she knows your kids were in earshot.
She’s doing it to try to make them think you’re a stick-in-the-mud or old fuddy-duddy or whatever when in reality you’re being the responsible parent here. Have you had a serious conversation with your kids about *why* you have these rules? It might help them understand.
Cyberbullying is a huge problem in schools and a whole bunch of schools here (UK) are having outright bans,” Own-Kangaroo6931
Another User Comments:
“People can give opinions on this but no one can say what the right choice is with any certainty. The whole social media thing is still too new.
We’re still adapting to the internet in general never mind 24-hour access anywhere and social media. People will say 20-40 years is a long time but it isn’t, not when talking about a change in society that fundamentally changes how almost everyone in the world interacts with the world.
That said, it is not going away. Not letting your kids access smartphones and social media is certainly making it easier to protect them but it’s also putting them at a disadvantage compared to other kids who do have access. I don’t pretend to know the right answer and I won’t believe anyone who claims they know so I’ll say No jerks here.
Good luck.” TheVaneja
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have seen what cell phones (more specifically, social media) can do to kids. There is a reason we don’t let kids do harmful things or vote until they’re older. The most common answer when you ask a seventh-grade boy, “Why did you do the supremely stupid thing you just did that you just admitted was a supremely stupid thing to do?” The genuine, unsarcastic response is, “I don’t know.” And they genuinely have no clue.
These are not the people who should be making major life decisions. Unfortunately, social media use can now be a life-or-death decision, and kids do not understand this. At all. Zero. Nada. It’s a sharp drop into a canyon, and they go running at it with glee because that’s where their friends went, not because they thought logically about it first. You’re so far from the jerk in this situation.
Children are children, and parents are (supposed to be) adults. Be the adult. Stick to your guns and tell your sister to grow a spine.” gracelesswonder
13. AITJ For Not Putting The Middle Child In Daycare Like The Other Two Kids?
“My fiancé and I unexpectedly got temporary custody of 3 family members (13mo, 4, 6) while their mom is dealing with complications from an emergency surgery.
My fiancé (21m) and I (20f) were doing fine the first month. He’s not working and we were out of school so we both took care of the kids when I was home and he stayed home with them while I worked. Now the summer semester is starting again so we’ve been calling daycares and signing up for camps trying to figure out what to do with the kids.
I guess there was a miscommunication because he thought we were putting all 3 kids in daycare/camp but I only planned to put the oldest and youngest in daycare/camp and bring the middle to work with me.
I work at a preschool. I’ve been bringing her to work with me when my fiancé can’t keep her or when she gets upset with me for leaving her and she’s been doing great there.
She’s making friends, loves the teachers, and is even napping there now. There’s a spot open and with my discount her monthly tuition is the same price as a week of camp for our oldest.
I told my fiancé about this and he thinks it’s not fair for the middle to be with me all day while the oldest and youngest are at camp.
I told him it’s an easy, affordable option that benefits both us and, while I can bring the oldest, she’d be the oldest kid there and the activities wouldn’t be developmentally appropriate for her so she’d be bored the whole time. She will be going to camp in the same building as me, just through a different company.
He’s saying it’s especially unfair to the youngest because she has separation anxiety with me and is miserable when I’m not with her but I told him I can’t bring her because we don’t take kids younger than 30 months and doing this all or nothing isn’t helping any of us.
He thinks down the line the oldest and youngest will resent the middle for this but I don’t think it’s that big of a deal, plus it’s saving us about 1500 a month.
AITJ for not putting the middle in daycare even though my fiancé thinks it’ll cause issues with the other kids?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Firstly, kudos to both of you for stepping into this role, especially at such a young age. It’s silly for a middle kid to miss out on something that is working for her and is cost-efficient for you because the youngest doesn’t qualify.
It does also make sense if you have to choose between oldest and middle that the kid who’s in the same age group and is already established there gets precedence. Having kids in your care is expensive! Looking for saving opportunities on childcare is a good idea.” 0biterdicta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You don’t level the playing field by purposely putting one kid at a disadvantage. Life isn’t fair. Feeling safe, and loved, and cared for shouldn’t be based on whether everything is identical tentacles. One day, one of the kids will get an award, or accomplish something the others have failed at, receive a random opportunity that the others didn’t, and you want them to be able to be happy for and celebrate each other.
You don’t get that by teaching from toddler age that “if I can’t have it neither can you”.” 1568314
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ you’re doing an amazing job and an amazing thing for your family members and the kids. Especially at your age.
I think you guys should sit down and have a little family talk about this and explain why the middle child is coming with you and why the other two go to camp. Try to encourage them to get the most out of camp while they are there too.
Your husband just needs to listen and understand. You are doing what is best for” Initial_Act_1448
12. AITJ For Cancelling A Family Vacation Due To Past Trauma?
“My parents (60s) invited me (mid-20s) and a friend to join their international vacation this fall.
They booked the resort in January/February after confirming in December that I might be interested, but they said I don’t have to say yes. They let me and my sibling bring one guest each. My parents are paying for the lodging, and I would get a private room with my friend.
I confirmed my and my friend’s attendance in February because I didn’t know that I would end up having low contact with my parents. I canceled our RSVP (with my friend’s consent) in May because I worried it would be bad for my health, especially after what would be 8+ months of barely tolerating talking to my mother on the phone for 5 minutes/month.
My parents are very hurt and upset. When politely asked for an explanation, I told them that I didn’t think it was in my best interests to see them for a while, including them coming to visit me. (My father used to be very abusive when me and my sibling were growing up, and I have been diagnosed with PTSD due to those experiences.) I didn’t elaborate, and they haven’t inquired any further.
Our family history is the elephant in the room that we never talk about despite my clumsy attempts. There have been no efforts on their part to identify or resolve any issues, though that could be because they’re trying to give me space.
I’m not trying to punish my parents.
I’m sure they thought of this as a fun experience that we never could have dreamt of affording when I was growing up. Part of me feels guilty because my dad has made some efforts over the years to be better, and I know my parents had only good intentions with this trip.
I wonder if my cancellation is like demanding that they be better, only to then shred their gift/efforts while they watch. In theory, I could have endured the stress leading up to the trip and probably had some amount of fun at the resort while avoiding rocking the boat.
AITJ for changing my mind and our RSVP because I’m still, to some extent, stuck in the past?”
Another User Comments:
“There is so much history underneath this it’s very hard for an outsider to judge. It would have been better if you realized you didn’t want to go when you were invited, especially if they already paid for things, but they still have a lot of lead time to change plans.
It’s pretty bad to cancel on someone because you specifically don’t want to spend time with them. But if your dad’s past behavior and your mom’s complicity justifies it then sometimes it’s worth it to be rude.” LongjumpingSnow6986
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t see the harm in canceling if it was important for your mental health and it didn’t result in your parents losing money.
And it sounds like they were already going to go on this vacation whether or not you and your sibling joined. So I don’t think there is any loss here. As some of the other comments say, it is probably better to take baby steps in repairing your relationship with them before jumping into a long vacation where you can’t get away!” Magenta_Aurora_8253
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you want this to change then you have to confront the issue directly. Therapy OR a direct conversation with your parents would probably be best. “As you both know our home growing up wasn’t always healthy. Unfortunately, I’m still carrying some of that with me and it makes it difficult to have a relationship with you both.
While I appreciate your attempts to become closer, I find that all it does is remind me of the childhood I could have had instead of the one I was granted. I’m not sure how to move forward but I do know that I would appreciate……” an explanation, a conversation, whatever it is you need. If you feel you can’t say any of that then therapy is your answer.
You’re not wrong for canceling a trip you don’t feel comfortable on with people you don’t have the desire to see. I imagine it would have hurt much more to have you on the trip ignoring them. You all need to talk, and positive progressive talks need to happen before you’re comfortable around them.
That’s okay.” EJ_1004
11. AITJ For Asking My Housemate's Freeloading Partner To Leave?
“My (F26) housemate (M21) had a friend (M24) stay over back in February. M24 ended up staying for 2.5 months, not paying any rent or bills or anything towards the house.
M24 has ended up seeing my other housemate (F22).
While M24 was staying, my housemates were paying for everything for him because he’s jobless and moneyless, but not homeless. This bothered me a lot because I mostly saw my friends getting used.
Throughout this period, I was not home a lot because I had some engagements and holidays and things going on.
But I genuinely think I was mostly away because there was a stranger in my house and I’d rather be anywhere but.
I had asked housemate M21 nearly enough every week when M24 would be leaving, and I always got excuses as to why he couldn’t go.
Until I snapped and said he needs to go now, I’m not asking anymore. So he left a few days later.
Less than 3 weeks later, housemate F22 asked if I’d be bothered if he came to stay for a few days. I said, “I would’ve preferred if I had more time in the house without guests, but if you need that then that’s fine”.
She also assured me he’d have travel back booked so he was going. (She has complicated mental health issues, so I was allowing her some grace). He leaves 3 days later, as promised.
She then went to visit him last Monday, returning Thursday. With him.
Again. And I lost it.
I asked why he was back at the house again. She said she shouldn’t have to ask to have her partner stay. I said it was different because he was here for so long and he’s been back twice within a month since leaving.
She said I was rude for bringing it up in front of him, which I agree with. But at this point, I don’t care. I feel like he never left. I also feel like I’m well within my rights to ask for a break from him being in the house.
I also have complicated mental health issues from childhood and more recent trauma. Having a stranger in my space makes me feel unable to relax and feel comfortable. She knows this as I’ve expressed it.
Anyway, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!! Though I’d say probably a biased response as I had a similar experience :/ This previous housemate asked me when we first moved in if it was ok for their SO to come over.
Little did I know that “come over” slowly meant the SO staying nights & weekends and eventually they’re using the kitchen or washer/dryer being the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning. The breaking point for me was when I was on an extended trip for a couple of months.
My bedroom was locked and all appliances were unplugged. Despite that, said housemate wanted to charge me half of the utility bill for those months. However, I knew for a fact that SO practically lived there during that time continuing their use of the common appliances.
I moved out later that year to a studio and haven’t regretted it since!!” galacticmatcha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And since he has stayed there for so long, you should mention that he should start paying rent, and if they complain that he can’t because he’s jobless, say it’s not your responsibility to provide a roof for him, and they should fork the money out for him since they want him there.
But you should start looking for another place to live in just in case since you are the minority there, and if they don’t agree I don’t know if there’s anything you can do.” Jonyodisa
10. AITJ For Wanting To Expose My Stepdad's Affair To My Mom?
“I, (18F) live with my mom and my stepdad. My mom has been with him since I was 7 years old and he has practically raised me as his own which is great and all, but over the years I have grown to see him for who he truly is, which is a narcissistic liar.
Throughout their relationship, he has been unfaithful and lied to my mom. They have gotten separated for months, but always end up back together.
Recently, however, he has become extremely controlling not only towards my mom but towards me. If he sees me go out, he immediately accuses me of going out with boys or going to buy substances (he has no reason to believe this, and it isn’t.) Sometimes he has been very creepy towards me and has displayed behaviors that I feel are inappropriate.
One day when I was coming back from school, I found him in my room in my bed. Gross. I told my mom about this and she thought it was odd as well. Additionally, My little brother has his location because they share an iCloud account, and every weekend we see that his location is at the same bar/nightclub, while my mom is at home sleeping.
My brother also receives my stepdad’s messages, and we have seen various texts between him and other women.
However, today while I was using my little brother’s phone, I saw a photo of my stepdad with another woman. This woman was someone he was romantically involved with while he was separated from my mom.
This woman has talked down on my mom several times and has caused many problems in their relationship. I’m conflicted about whether to tell her what I saw. I don’t want to start problems and ruin my mom’s relationship, but he is just horrible and my mom is an amazing woman.
She is only with him because he provides, but I feel like it isn’t worth this if he is constantly betraying her. He also makes me feel uncomfortable and I genuinely get a bad feeling about him.
Would I be the jerk if I told my mom the truth and how I feel?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ whatever you decide, but sounds like if your mom stays with him just because he provides, she’s unlikely to want to leave. Some women are willing to put up with a lot to have a roof over their heads that they like.
My mother did this too, so I do empathize and sympathize with you.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m sorry you are in this situation, and it is sweet of you to care for your mom. However, the sad truth is that it is unlikely that she will leave him or she will make excuses for him, so prepare for that.
I hope you understand (and it seems like you do), that this is not a healthy or normal relationship, and to avoid this type of relationship in the future. It sucks you are being put in this position because it shouldn’t be your job to deal with your mom’s toxic relationship.
Best of luck to you.” ImpressiveLandscape1
9. AITJ For Being Angry At My Husband For Not Accompanying Me To The Emergency Vet?
“Our dog had cataract surgery a couple of months ago. She developed an ulcer about a month later that was very quickly quite serious and has since healed.
Yesterday evening she started showing signs of discomfort in the other eye.
I mentioned that I thought we might want to go to the Emergency Vet where they did the surgery (about a 45-minute drive) hours in advance. I had to work for a while but was able to leave early to come home and take her.
At this point, it was clear something was wrong with the eye. I had expected him to come with me and explicitly said I was barely holding it together and would appreciate his support and a sense of urgency.
He said he didn’t want to go.
I would have burst into tears trying to argue so I said nothing as I was going to have to be the one who drove and needed to keep it together. I checked one last time before leaving if he was coming, to which he replied “I’d rather not if it’s okay,” and I said “It’s probably not but I don’t have it in me to argue with you about it,” and he ended things with “drive safe.”
For context, while I had to work, it was his weekend so he didn’t have anything he had to attend to, it seemed more like he just wanted to stay comfy at home. While I managed to get us there myself, I was so hurt and angry that he couldn’t be bothered to come with me while I was clearly in distress and our dog, who is like our baby, was in discomfort and there could be something jeopardizing the healing we spent months and thousands of dollars to achieve.
WIBTJ for ripping him a new one and expecting a meaningful apology and perhaps an explanation if I’m missing anything to the story.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m so sorry you’re going through this & I hope your dog will be okay!
You need support & he didn’t give you that. I hope you have other support around you at this time” kr_tsukino
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You now know he won’t be there for you in an emergency. You can either divorce him, go to couples counseling, or just become indifferent to him and his needs and wants.
He doesn’t deserve you.” Effective_Brief8295
8. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Rent After My Parents Sold My Belongings?
” I (21M) currently live with my parents. My parents have always been the type to go through my room and car, even if my car was only in my name and I paid all expenses for it. I went to rehab in October, and when I left I had a 600$ aquarium set up with two tanks.
I had a beautiful cichlid in one and was breeding mollys in the other. I asked them to look after them when I left, and they agreed. When I got back, my setup was gone. I asked where it went, and they said all my fish “mysteriously died” and that they got rid of the setup even though I paid for all of it.
I also had some oil paintings from the 1960s that I was either going to hang in my apartment when I got one, or sell to help with bills, as I had to pay for rehab on top of all my food, gas, insurance, etc. They were gone as well, and when I asked why they were gone, and that if I sold them it would help with my bills, I was told that I have a “junkie mindset” and that I’d get no money for them.
About a month later, they sold them for themselves.
I used to have a lot of things in my room like a mini fridge, old school electric keyboard, and tons of vinyl records, but considering they’d just give me the same story I didn’t even bother.
They also have many times taken my keys and gone through the car that I bought with my money when I used to leave my keys with everyone else in the house. So I kept them on me at all times and was accused of hiding things.
I decided after several instances of my property being disrespected or plain stolen that I’m not paying rent in a house where my property is not respected whether I follow the rules of the house or not. They move next month, and I’m not going with them.
my back rent plus June would be 600$, so I’d say it’s equal at this point.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. With this sort of intrusiveness, lack of privacy, and disrespect, I think I would have been tempted to blot out the reality of my existence.
You will need the money to pay a deposit and rent on your new home, whether that may be. I suggest you move anything of yours that has resale value out of your parents’ house now before that disappears too. Good luck with your future, and stay strong.” Gnarly_314
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – while you disclosed you went to rehab, you conveniently left out the turmoil you put your parents through that made them have to keep a tight watch over you. Note: you’re over 18, they didn’t have to provide anything to you over the last 3 years. Sounds like you had them at wit’s end while they were trying to help you with your addiction.” Legal-Lingonberry577
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But did your parents love living with an addict and all the issues that that brought up? They had to deal with your lies and whatever else you did to use your substance of choice in their house. Yes, it’s your car.
Yes, you paid for all those setups but they’re responsible for all that stuff because hey you’re an addict and you had to go to rehab. Your parents were wrong for going through your stuff and for selling your property. But you’re using your house’s storage for 6 months while you’re in rehab.
And you didn’t pay for that, did you?” Even_Enthusiasm7223
7. AITJ For Not Spending More Time With My Mom On Mother's Day?
“Me (29f) and my partner (29f) live together and therefore do most family holiday things together as well. For this reason, we split Mother’s Day in half and spent the first half of the day with her mom, and the second half of the day with mine.
We were at both places for about 2 and a half hours since we got a late start to the day. I made my mom these chocolate-covered cookies with cherry filling that were good, and she loved them. I thought we’d had a good time at her house, but I woke up this morning to this text message:
“You know I’m quite disappointed that I only got a little over 2 hours with you on Mother’s Day, and you never even called or texted before I texted you about Mother’s Day. I wasn’t even sure you were coming over until then.
And I guess if you came over before going to her grandfathers I would have gotten less time with you since you were going at 1. I didn’t do anything I wanted yesterday except spend those couple hours with you guys.”
I didn’t text her about coming over on Mother’s Day.
For me, it was assumed I would be going over there because duh it’s Mother’s Day.
Anyway, we texted back and forth kind of arguing a bit about it but the jist of it was I didn’t do enough for her on Mother’s Day and she thought she deserved better.
This upset me because I spent a good amount of time making those cookies. After all, I knew she would love them and I was excited for her to try them. I don’t know what else she expected, but I don’t exactly have a lot of funds so there’s only so much I could do.
I just don’t know if I’m justified in feeling hurt by this or if I really should have done more.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if this was the norm after being in a relationship with someone, then I would look at another possible cause for the nastiness.
I know that I have put a screeching halt to nasty abusive negative behaviors that became the norm for my family. It doesn’t matter if I spend hundreds on the latest gadget she wants or if it is something I know would be a favorite of hers.
In my case, it is never enough, but then again I have never been enough. I resigned myself to this a long time ago. Now she gets what she gets, on my terms. After many years of hearing I was never meant to be a mother (infertility issues) my mother carried on about what my husband got me for Mother’s Day.
It was insulting and stupid. I simply ended the conversation. The bottom line is even though she is your mother if she cannot be grateful or appreciative of the effort you put in…. I would back off on the contact. I wouldn’t argue with her.
It simply isn’t worth the effort or the rise in your blood pressure. It won’t change a thing.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a daughter your age and she came to visit me on Mother’s Day. She spent 2 or 3 hours with me, and that was plenty.
We had a very nice visit. She didn’t even have the excuse of having to go to her in-law’s place because her fiance went to his mom’s by himself. I can’t stand when parents are greedy with their kids’ time. I understand they have other things going on in their lives.
She should be grateful you acknowledged it at all. I would’ve been very happy with your cookies too!” Ok-Management-3319
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She’s venting on you in my opinion. Either because of some other stuff between you two going unsaid or from some other aspect of her life.
We can’t control the way other people perceive situations and accuse us of something. We can only listen to how they feel, evaluate how we handled this situation, and then decide whether we were wrong and respond whether that be a denial, an apology, a false mea culpa to keep the peace, whatever.
In your case, I’d apologize maybe for not being more clear about what time you would be coming over and for how long and that you will try to do better in the future. And I wouldn’t apologize for anything else. Don’t attack back unless you want drama, even if she made you feel upset about the nice and thoughtful gift you prepared for her.
Just let it all go. After that, if she wants to carry a cross for her perceived slight at your hands, so be it. Don’t carry it for her or even waste another minute worrying about it. You can’t control it, you did more than most people do on Mother’s Day I’d wager by a lot.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Insisting On Eloping Despite Our Parents' Wishes?
“My partner and I never wanted to get married but recently we’ve been thinking about legal issues and problems we might have so we decided to sign the papers.
For us, it’s not a big deal, we don’t want a huge wedding or make a fuss about that day so we wanted to elope. I’ve never been a people pleaser and although I get my parents would be disappointed, it’s my life after all.
My partner is a very chilled guy and doesn’t care about society’s standards, he’s more like I’m just doing my thing, I don’t care if I’m too old or too young or if it’s not what I’m supposed to be doing, I’m just happy living my life, so he was happy with the eloping idea.
But then parents came into the equation. He’s an only son so he thinks us eloping is going to break his parent’s heart. I understand that and to be honest my parents would feel the same way so I thought about having a party with our families after our honeymoon.
He agreed so we told my family first and yes they were disappointed about missing the ceremony but understood, they’ve been kind of sad since then but I’m fine with it. I understand they always wanted to see me getting married but I want to have a quiet ceremony, just sign the papers, and have a great lunch just the two of us.
Seeing my parent’s reaction, my partner started to question the whole thing and now he doesn’t want to elope, he wants his parents in the room with us while we sign the papers and then have lunch just the two of us like we wanted. I told him that would be awkward and that having both our parents there would be too much for me.
We’ll have the party after all, so they can celebrate our marriage that day. I just want one day just for us, without thinking about anybody else (our families can be a little bit much). My partner said that I was putting him in a rough position choosing between disappointing his parents or forcing me to have the ceremony I never wanted.
So AITJ for asking him to elope even though it’s against our parent’s wishes?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean to be honest seems like he’s compromising and you’re not. I don’t think you’re a jerk for not wanting a wedding and wanting just a lunch with him but you may be nearing jerk territory if you are unwilling to compromise.
After all, he does have a say too. He has already agreed to forgo a wedding and have lunch for just the two of you. His only ask is for his/your parents to be in a room (as witnesses) when you sign the papers…not a ceremony but just signing papers.
Unless I’m missing info – it doesn’t seem bad as a compromise.” Live-Work8185
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. 1- He wants his parents there. He is also getting married so his wishes are as important as yours. This is the most important reason for YTJ.
2- I don’t know which country you’re from but most require witnesses (to sign the document) anyway. If you’re planning to be just the two of you, it won’t happen (most probably). 3- If you’re only signing papers, why would it matter who is there to see it?
There won’t be any extra effort, you won’t prepare anything.” reallynotsohappy
Another User Comments:
“It is both of your wedding, get in a room and figure it out. But seriously, define eloping. The old definition used to be running away and getting married, now it is more like having an extremely small ceremony.
If it means that much to him, invite your parents and his to be there. Done, go wherever you want to, and elope. No big ceremony, yata yata yata. But come on, don’t listen to people online. Listen to your soon-to-be husband and agree.
It’s not a compromise, it’s finding something you both want.” PuzzleheadedYou7769
5. AITJ For Having A Panic Attack At A Family Thanksgiving Dinner?
“Last Thanksgiving I had to spend at a restaurant with my distant family including my unreasonable grandmother.
My Grandmother is obsessed with ancestry and pushing Catholic beliefs.
She’ll give us marriage guides for Christmas even though half of us aren’t even seeing anyone [I’m only sixteen.]
Not to mention she’s homophobic and very unapproving. So I never got along with her.
My mom who was bedbound at the time couldn’t go and my dad had to stay home with her.
Plus both of my older siblings couldn’t go due to work. So it was just me and my younger brothers.
I never go anywhere without my older siblings.. so I started getting nervous as my aunt picked us up to leave.
As soon as we got there I sat down and had to order for me and my brothers.
(I never had ordered food before), So I was getting overwhelmed. Then all of a sudden my aunt set a cake on the table saying “Happy 50th Anniversary”.
“Who’s anniversary is it..?”
As soon as I asked that question my grandmother immediately glared at me, stating it was hers and my grandpa’s…..
Their anniversary was TWO months ago. Not TODAY, Not yesterday, TWO MONTHS AGO.
So of course she was going to make OUR Thanksgiving all about HER.
Unfortunately for me, I was getting too overwhelmed by all the noise, my grandmother, and everything going on.. so I started hyperventilating, trembling, and crying.
This went on, for 30 minutes. I just sat there while they all ate. I couldn’t move.
They started asking my brothers “Is she normally like this?” and just ignored my crying.
Eventually, my grandmother asked why I was ruining HER special day and I had enough.
I managed to stumble myself into the bathroom where it was quieter. My aunt came in to check on me after about 5 minutes. Where I just told her I was going to go outside for a bit.
I stayed outside for a while on call with my dad, who calmed me down.
I didn’t talk to my grandma for the rest of the meal after I headed back inside. Nor did I have an appetite to eat.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you poor thing. Your reaction, though heartbreaking, is completely understandable given the situation you are describing.
If anything, every adult at that table is a jerk. They should have supported you, helped you calm down, and not made you feel guilty for anything. I want to also stress that you handled this sucky situation like a pro and so well. You removed yourself from the table, went to the bathroom to calm down, then went outside for fresh air, called your dad for support, and were able to calm yourself down despite the unhelpful adults you were with.
Good job and sorry it was such a bad experience.” Solicited_Advisor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, judging off the info that’s been provided your grandmother **COMPLETELY** ignored when you started crying or hyperventilating. I’m no child expert, but even I know that’s pretty bad.
It sounds like you have a lot going on but for your grandmother and relatives to disregard what’s going on and only focus on her **” special moment”** means that she and your relatives are in the wrong. Sorry for what happened, and I’m glad to know your dad was able to help out at least” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t see how you could be a jerk for having a panic attack. Those are not normally under your control. It doesn’t sound as if yours are either. I just remembered all the times I’ve had to sit through the “Anniversaries” of my maternal grandparents.
Only my grandfather had been dead for decades. I’m telling you that those dinners were strange … I wouldn’t want to inflict something like that on my worst enemies. I don’t get, why my parents didn’t put a stop to it, but they didn’t.” FragrantEconomist386
4. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Help With Household Chores?
“I (28F) have been with my partner (33M) for about 2 years now.
He recently moved in with me into my house and it’s highlighted some issues that I didn’t see before.
Unless I directly tell him to do it, he won’t put the trash bin out on trash day or mow the lawn. These are truly the only two things I ask of him and in my head, they aren’t that hard to keep up with.
I am a full-time graduate student who works part-time at my regular job and full-time (30 hours) as a teaching assistant at my university. My schedule is so full and I’m balancing so many different things that sometimes even I forget that it’s trash day, which is why I forget to remind him.
I do almost all of the cleaning except him putting some of his stuff away occasionally (only when I am already cleaning). I also do all of the dishes, grocery shopping, and cooking. My days typically start at 6 am and end well after 9 pm.
Even though he technically makes more money than I do, I have better money management skills and often end up covering all of the groceries, utilities, and other costs related to the house (in a way I feel that this is somewhat fair, as I own the house and he does not, but it does add even more to my plate).
Anyway, I’ve been becoming increasingly burned out with everything and keep getting met with hostility. When I remind him, he makes side comments about how I’m naggy and how he’s tired of “always being the one to take out the trash”. When I forget to remind him and it doesn’t get done, it’s suddenly my fault for not reminding him.
I’ve tried everything including buying a giant calendar to hang in the kitchen with written reminders on it and he still doesn’t follow it.
When I told him that I needed him to at least try and remember on his own, he got upset and said that I didn’t understand how busy he’s been with his work.
I feel that I’m growing resentful because of all of this and the relationship doesn’t feel worth it anymore. Am I the jerk here?
ETA: once I graduate and get credentialed in my field, I will almost certainly be the main breadwinner. I can’t imagine doing all of this and also managing kids down the line.
Edit 2: I understand that mowing is pretty labor-intensive. Before he moved in, I was paying for a lawn service to come every so often. We don’t have an HOA and I’m not particular about how nice it looks, but it gets to a point where it needs to be done (maybe once a month because of where we live).
It’s also only the small front yard, as our backyard is clover which is super low maintenance.
We discussed this before he moved in and he expressed interest and enthusiasm in being able to take care of a yard (he called it his suburban dad era).
According to him, he enjoys doing the yard work because it’s a time when he can zone out and listen to music.
We also discussed him being the one to roll the trash can out to the curb on trash days since I have a bad back from a sports injury in college and it can be pretty hard for me if the can is full.
If I fill an individual trash bag, I take it out to the bin myself — I’m talking about pushing the big bin out to the curb.
It’s also not just these things that I need to remind him about. For example, I’ll tell him ahead of time if a handyman is coming by so that he can prepare since he works from home.
I’ll add it to the physical calendar and our household Google calendar and he’ll still forget, then get angry that “he didn’t know”.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry, but he’s 33 years old and can’t take out the trash??! No. This is weaponized incompetence.
Has he never lived alone? Always had a roommate or a parent or someone to blame when stuff doesn’t get done? Giant calendar on the wall? How about the calendar in his pocket? Set a recurring event for every Wednesday at 7 am. “Meeting with Sanitation Engineer.
Location: Curbside.”” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- why are you allowing him to do so little though? Why isn’t he helping out with cleaning chores, doing food shopping, and paying for it? He’s getting a pretty easy deal here as well. At his age, he should be doing lots of chores around the house without being reminded. HE is an adult HE can set up a reminder system for himself.
I’d be telling him to start doing his chores or he can find someone else to live.” shadow-Foxe
3. AITJ For Insisting My Son Goes To College Despite His Career Success?
“I (48F) didn’t go to college. My husband (52M) didn’t go either. We worked extremely hard to live a comfortable lifestyle, and our dream was to send our kids to college and pay their tuition.
One of my sons (18M) does not and has never wanted to go to college. He’s worked at a fast food restaurant since he was 16, and he loves his job. He says he wants a future in this business, but that was never the plan.
This was only supposed to be a 2-year job before he went to college. He’s been saying that he doesn’t want to go to college, but I don’t want him to miss out on life experiences and have grief for the rest of his life.
We already applied to college last year and he got accepted. He’s set to go in August.
Yesterday, he got promoted to manager at 18 years old. He would be making 60k a year, so he would be able to afford an apartment, a car, and necessities in life (insurance, etc).
It’s not bad money, but he would have to work 50 hours a week. Including night shifts, 10-hour shifts, and often doing stuff for his job while he’s not on the clock. He was extremely happy, but I didn’t want him to work long hours with that kind of pay.
I’d rather him go to college and find a good paying job where he can work a 9-5, 40 hours a week, and make pretty good money from that. My son claims it’s useless because if he becomes a general manager, then he’ll make 100k+ a year, but I don’t want him to regret it and feel left out when all his friends go to college except for him.
I won’t go back on this. We worked too hard for him not to go to college. I told him he needed to turn down the promotion, and put in his 2 weeks so he could go to college. He told me he’d pay me back for everything I already paid for, but I was still persistent about him going to college.
He then said I was a jerk and a controlling person for forcing him to do something he didn’t want to do and living through him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Go back and read your post and count the number of times you say “I” or “My” or “We”!!
this post is all about what you want. You even said “WE” applied for college. If this is what he wants, making him go to college is not going to solve your demands. he will just flunk out…then you will have wasted $100k instead of him making $100k.
FYI – he will likely have to work years before he is making $100k if he has a degree. A degree does not give you the automatic 6 figure income that you think it does.” Tetchy9999
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You’re deciding his life for him even after he’s told you what he wants.
You said yourself he’s “extremely happy”. Why ruin that by forcing him to do things he has no interest in doing? Why don’t you let him take a few years doing things as he wants? Working 50+ hours a week will burn most folks out pretty fast. He can decide for himself if he still enjoys it or would like to move on from it.
If he decides it’s not for him then you’re there to help him go to college or trade school or whatever to try something new. There’s nothing wrong with him doing that job and being happy. You and your husband did not go to college and did well for yourselves.
Why can’t he do the same? Let him live his life and just be there when/if he needs you. You’ll just push him away otherwise.” BerserkerRed
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There is nothing wrong with what he wants to do. There’s also nothing wrong with you wanting him to go to college. A better way to approach this is by looking at the company, its pay structure, future opportunities, etc. For example, is his 60K a year a base salary or what he COULD make based on store performance metrics?
He’ll want to consider that. Are future promotion opportunities better if he does have a degree? Then he may want to consider going part-time to school for a business or restaurant management degree. He can still work and get a degree, it just may take longer.
He could spend his entire career at the same company, getting promoted and excelling, all with no degree. And he might eventually see that a degree is worth the effort. ” Top_Ad5114
2. AITJ For Yelling At My Parents To Stop Arguing While I Had A Guest Over?
“So I’m 17 [ftm] and I’m seeing Sam [18 ftm]. I’ve known him for over 10 years so we know a lot about each other and our home lives and whatever.
My parents [both 41] have been married for 17 years but they should not be married. They don’t like each other and they don’t work together. They get into arguments often. They used to get very intense, but that doesn’t happen anymore luckily. I also have a sister, Mary [14 f] who has witnessed this mess for most of her life.
So my parents have been having another one of their periods where during the summer they argue constantly. It’s annoying and stressful for me, and I can tell it upsets my sister as well. My mom screams at the top of her lungs when they argue so it’s impossible to ignore, even if you go outside.
I had Sam over at my house a week ago and we were just hanging out in my room when I heard my mom starting her screaming fits. I was mad, because why are you starting this when I have a friend over?? I also thought my sister still had her friend over, who hadn’t known her for long and I didn’t know if he knew about how our parents were, so I was mad at her too.
They were in their room with the door closed, which was down the hallway. I stepped out of my room and yelled “Shut up! We have people over! What is wrong with you??” and then went back in my room. They stopped after that. I’m protective over my sister so I tend to get angry when they argue like that.
They are adults. There is no need to scream at people over laundry.
When we took Sam home, my mom yelled at me in the car about being disrespectful and getting into their arguments. She’s been mad at me since and won’t talk to me or take me to work.
It just really made me upset that they would argue like that when I have someone over. That’s disrespectful to the guest imo. AITJ for getting mad at them though?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She can be mad at you all she wants for being “disrespectful” but the only two being disrespectful are the parents who have no consideration for their children and subject them to arguing/yelling constantly throughout their life.
Someone had to be the voice of reason and point out that there were guests over (maybe in a better tone but I understand when people hit a threshold). Do they want to be known as the couple who argues with other families they don’t know?
Because people WILL talk about their experience at your house.” TheSciFiGuy80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Though I think you could have picked better words. Not to say that they weren’t deserved but when people are angry and acting irrationally, making demands can just add fuel to the fire.
“We have people over, can you stop?!” Conveys that they’re being embarrassing and puts the ball in their court, while also laying all the guilt at them. It’s harder for them to say things like “You were disrespectful!” or “You aren’t in charge!”. Not to say they WON’T say all of that, but then you can just say ‘I was just asking you to stop because it’s embarrassing and I don’t want people to know about our family matters.’ or ‘I was just yelling so you heard me and reminding you there were people who don’t know us well in the house.’ Good luck, I hope you and your sister find a better situation as soon as you can.
Try and take what you’ve seen that hurt you and ensure that you don’t spread that kind of hurt to others and you’ll go far.” Beneficial_Local1012
1. AITJ For Falling Asleep Before My Insomniac Partner?
“I (F26) live with my partner, and have for a few years now. She suffers from insomnia and struggles to get to sleep without methods to help, like having a video playing or answering questions.
It used to be that I would do BuzzFeed quizzes look at TikToks with her, or just chat until she fell asleep.
However, nowadays I work a full-time warehouse job, 9:30-6, Monday to Saturday, and find myself utterly spent by the time I go to bed. I still try to chat and engage her so she can fall asleep, but I often find myself falling asleep mid-conversation first. This has been the cause of several arguments now.
I have insisted she can have videos playing aloud if she needs it if I fall asleep, but she’s refused that option when I’ve brought it up.
Most recently, last night I fell asleep pretty quickly, I don’t even remember much from once I laid down.
At about three in the morning, we had an argument where I was asked if I was doing this on purpose and how it was affecting her sleep. Tonight I was in bed earlier than her, trying to get sleep for work as I work Saturdays, and she eventually joined me and asked me not to do it again tonight, despite a few weeks ago the same arguments leading her to say I should go to bed earlier.
While fighting to stay awake and strike conversation, she decided in annoyance that she didn’t want to talk to me and told me to just go to sleep instead.
I’m just not sure if I’m being unreasonable here but I’m really upset and angry about this.
I feel like I’m getting jerked around for falling asleep first when most nights I’m not trying to. I know insomnia is a harsh condition so I do feel bad when my falling asleep first stops her from falling asleep until like 4 in the morning; but, I also am sick of things like being kicked to the couch so she can sleep with space for the night, only to be told she didn’t sleep well when I ask.
So, AITJ for not helping my partner fall asleep?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have insomnia. You are *not* causing her not to fall asleep. She is angry and upset that insomnia keeps her, but she cannot aim that anger and upset at insomnia – it’s pointless and self-defeating – so she needs to discharge it at something.
What does she discharge it at? The nearest target. You. What she needs to do is talk to a doctor and get the insomnia treated. She needs a therapist to help her understand that externalizing her frustration at insomnia and projecting it onto you is a toxic psychological maladjustment that threatens the relationship.
And that, in fact, by doing this she is probably making her insomnia worse. She’s already frustrated with the insomnia. She’s just adding irrational rage on top. (And guess what chronic sleep deprivation does. It destroys emotional regulation. Trust me…). If she refuses to do these things, then you’re going to have to ask yourself whether you want this for the rest of your life or not.” He_Who_Is_Person
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have a more challenging time falling asleep than my partner, and I go through bouts of insomnia. The man sleeps like a brick and can be out within seconds of closing his eyes. It’s *not* in any way his responsibility to help me get to sleep.
I can’t imagine getting mad that he’s sleeping well. Why is she more entitled to sleep than you are? Why can’t she just play a video for herself? And what do you mean you’re getting kicked to the couch in the middle of the night??
Your partner sounds like she doesn’t care about your well-being. This isn’t acceptable behavior.” kaymarie00
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re not her emotional support blanket. She dealt with this before meeting you, and she needs to cope. You don’t have to be intentionally sleep-deprived just to make her happy.
Why is her sleep so much more important than yours? Why do you have to actively suffer to make her happy? Why would she want you to suffer? The gaslighting and making her problems your responsibility is just…. gross. Tell her to get on meds or use whatever method she’s used the 20 years previously.
I have insomnia and wouldn’t want my partner to suffer just to keep me company. Maybe get an ESA? (emotional support animal.) YTJ for even thinking you’re the jerk. You just want sleep, my guy. A basic human NEED. Sleep deprivation is a war crime for a reason.” PrincessLilianz
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