People Get Riled Up In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Reconcile With Brother Who Had An Affair With My Fiancé?
“I caught my brother and partner at the time being unfaithful to me back in February of ’13. In the ten years since we have yet to ever speak, interact, or see each other at all. My parents and sister were at first understanding and trying to help me get through it but before the year would end the two would be married and have a child, and I would be told I was being unreasonable and needed to just forgive and forget.
This caused a lot of tension and practically cut me off from my family. I don’t go to many holidays, functions, and get-togethers because of my staunch unwillingness to consider a reconciliation. The ex-partner passed in ’19, and that was the closest I came, but when my parents seemed to imply there was never a reason for it to have taken that long in the first place, I admittedly lost my cool and didn’t speak to anyone for many years.
This year I slowly began to try and talk to my parents again, with my father battling cancer, but got into an argument a few days back when they got upset I wouldn’t come to Thanksgiving or Christmas because he(my brother) and his child will be there.
This started a big blow and I was told I wasn’t being an adult or manning up and that they just wanted to be able to see their kids and grandkids all together just once. I tried to explain why I just can’t and my mother sobs and angrily tells me she can’t believe I’m willing to let them go the rest of their lives without being together as a family.
My dad is a bit more understanding but with his health in decline he does genuinely want to just see us all together, but the very thought makes my skin crawl and gives me horrible anxiety and panic attacks. I try to explain this but he thinks it’s just something you eventually move on from.
Both my parents have extensive and horrible family trauma, and while I’m glad they’re able to allow people in their lives who have done some truly horrible things to them or others, I don’t aspire nor want to do that. I don’t believe family can do or treat you however they want and still get to be a part of your life like nothing ever happened.
So am I the AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I understand where your parents are coming from on this but this is your life. Have you at least moved on enough so that you are in a relationship with someone or have at least been seeing people romantically since the event?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think so. You didn’t ask for this estrangement and I understand your family couldn’t choose but they should understand you were hurt and betrayed. I haven’t spoken to certain family members over betrayal, not the same type but just as bad if not worse and I can honestly say I will never forgive these people and it sucks when you’re forced to feel that way.
It can feel good to forgive yourself more than them in my case it will never happen. This is how you feel what you wanna do nobody else.” Grade-Hour
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you need to move on for your health, and part of that is being able to *calmly* say to your parents “Why is it incumbent on me, who was the victim, to be the one to forgive when there is no evidence my brother, who was the offender, even cares enough to seek a relationship with me again?
I will not be the first one to act when it was he, not me, who broke the unity of the family. Beg him, not me.” DeciusAemilius
23. AITJ For Withholding Concert Tickets After My Brother Destroyed A Mattress I Gave Him?
“I moved into a new apartment in September and bought a twin XL mattress. After the first two weeks, I decided to upgrade to a full-size mattress (the twin XL was comfortable but I wanted something bigger).
I was planning to sell the twin XL since I’d barely used it until my brother came over last week.
He saw the mattress and asked what I was going to do with it. I told him I was planning to list it on the social media marketplace to try and get some of the money back.
He told me he needed one and asked me if I’d consider giving it to him. He’s fresh out of college, brand new to the city, and strapped for cash. I agreed without hesitation because he’s my little brother and I didn’t want him sleeping on the floor.
I went to see his new place for the first time yesterday and he gave me a little tour. When we entered the bedroom, I expected to see a bed…only to see a sleeping bag in the corner and the mattress dismembered on the floor instead.
I asked him what happened and in the most laid-back manner, he told me that he was planning to hollow it out and cut it up to use as a Halloween costume but found it to be too difficult and gave up.
I was furious.
His defense was that I never said what he could and couldn’t do with it when I gifted it to him, but I feel like it’s not crazy to assume someone is going to use an almost new mattress to sleep. He also said “It’s not like you’re poor and need the money from a used twin mattress” which is true, but for me, the main issue is the needless waste.
I’d have donated it over letting it get destroyed. He didn’t even end up using it for the costume.
I’d gotten us tickets to see his favorite band next month but told him I was going to sell them or go with someone else.
That made him very upset and he told my parents I punished him. They’re now telling me I’m being cruel over a harmless mistake. They also said that even if I’d sold the mattress, that person could’ve done the same thing and I’d have no right to control them once they owned it.
Even my partner thinks I’m being too harsh on him and at this point, I’m not sure.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- I love how they argue that if you’d sold the mattress someone could have done the same thing- that’s a ridiculous comparison because if you had gotten any of your money back (the original intention) who cares what they do?
You specifically gave it to your brother instead of selling it because you thought he *needed* it. Like needed it for sleep. If you’d known he was going to destroy it you would have sold it! Your family sounds like a very ungrateful, thankless group of super-entitled jerks if this is their perspective.
Being unable to recognize the clear intent behind an action is worrying.” SpicyTurtle38
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You gave it to him to ease a potential financial burden, and you did it while also forgoing your attempt to recoup your losses. You didn’t give it to him to be a part of a costume that he then gave up on.
Not wanting to reward him in that light makes sense; he might use the tickets to blow his nose or something and you’d be out of money for that too.” SlippySloppyToad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your parents are right that the people you sold it to may have done the same thing to it.
But the difference once someone pays you money for something they can do what they want with it. Your brother didn’t pay for it and made it seem like he needed it to sleep on” Realistic-You9997.
22. AITJ For Not Wanting My Wife's Family To Visit After She Stopped Her Medication?
“My wife stopped taking her anti-depression medication shortly before we moved, without telling me. For the first 3 weeks after our move, she spent every single day fussing at our son who has just started kindergarten.
The only time they weren’t yelling at each other was when I was able to physically separate them by taking our son to the park, on a drive to do errands, or to his room for playtime without her. On most nights, after we put our son to bed, my wife would say ‘I’m tired’ and go to bed early.
I have gotten calls from our son’s school stating that they’ve noticed a change in him and he seems very angry lately. This should not have been a surprise to me, because I’m a grown man and it’s been affecting my ability to be my best at work, but still it caught me off guard.
At the end of 3 weeks she finally let me know she had stopped taking her meds and now realized that she needed to restart them. Now everything made sense. However, she immediately gets sick for 2 weeks…again in a terrible mood every day and going to bed early…no time for her and I, or the 3 of us, to recover.
To bond.
So here we are, 5 weeks of anger, tension, and distance…she’s finally starting to get over her sickness…and now she informed me (via text) that she’d like 4 members of her family to come visit over the weekend. The house is a mess, there are boxes everywhere, not enough seats for everybody, and there has been very little sustained love or joy felt in this new house for 5 weeks straight.
On top of that, these are the in-laws who have a history of not respecting boundaries…so much so that they are considering moving into our new neighborhood to be closer.
None of this is a surprise to my wife. She is aware of all of this, and completely understands the situation.
And yet, here we are. So, WIBTJ if I tell her that her family cannot visit our new house yet because our nuclear family needs at least one weekend to heal/bond?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think we’re qualified to weigh in on what’s going on with a mental health situation without also hearing her side.
No vote from me on this one. One thought I will share is that if we were to re-frame this and consider that the wife isn’t just inviting her family for a visit, but called her family because she’s in crisis and needs help…maybe that’s not unreasonable.
I could envision parents showing up and helping their adult-kid get get their life on track. Who knows. It’s hard to fully understand a dynamic with just one perspective.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“If I was you, I’d spend the time they’re here at a nice hotel.
Take your son if you thinks she’s going to emotionally abuse him again. Let her deal with everything. You need and deserve a break. To me, her taking her meds would be a non-negotiable to stay married. NTJ” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sometimes it’s hard to see what you’re in while you’re in it.
This applies to both adults here. You definitely need to not just accept it. And that applies to her inviting her family. That’s her steamrolling all of you again, emotionally forcing you to act like you haven’t been through what you’ve been through BECAUSE of her.
It’s obviously not entirely intentional but at the same time, it’s intentionally deceptive to have not told you she wasn’t taking her medication suddenly and allowing you to navigate that as a couple. She made you opponents where you just had to deal with it.
She sees it only from her point of view and maybe she thinks everything is fine but you need to make it very VERY clear that things are not fine, she caused major HARM to your son with her behaviour. She will probably need to process that.
And family around will NOT help any of it.” OLAZ3000
21. AITJ For Choosing My Brother Over My Partner?
“So me, 20f, and my brother 17m(almost 18) have been pretty close since always. Our parents never really took care of us, and I was his full-time caretaker from the age of 9 because, before that, our grandparents took care of us.
After we moved away, I raised him and made sure he had studied, eaten, had baths, etc. I was throwing away my childhood taking care of my parents’ child, but if I could do it again, I would. I’m so grateful for having him in my life and I’m glad our parents didn’t raise him because they did a terrible job with me (I can’t say that here cause they will take down that post) I’m glad they decided that they traumatized one child enough and left the other alone (fr fr alone)
Some years later, my brother came one night to my room, and we had a heart-to-heart conversation. He thanked me for making his childhood amazing while I had to lose mine to do that and that he loved me deeply for taking care of him even when I was a child myself.
He told me that when we are old enough we will live together and I promised him that. He said that now that he is older and stronger (he goes to the gym regularly), he will protect me because he knows I have been hurt before.
After all, I kept my promise. When I turned 18, I left the house, and I took him with me some months prior despite our parents’ protest. We live together now. The problem is my partner of 1 year that thinks that is creepy and I need to leave him with our parents.
He said that after 1 year of being together, we should stay together and not the 3 of us. I told him that that was not gonna happen and that he needed to respect my brother, we had a long fight, and he left. Some of my friends think that bringing him almost everywhere is creepy, but we just hang out a lot because we are close.
My brother feels sad because of all of that, and I’m just mad, I don’t know if I took it too far with the “protection,” but I think that that’s the right thing to do
Sorry for the long post
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re doing your brother a favor getting him out of that household. Your partner needs to understand this. On a separate note, keep an eye on your area’s laws. I know some regions, especially in America have laws regarding housing minor children (since your brother is still 17).
Just make sure your parents couldn’t retaliate and get you in legal trouble for housing their underage child” MyIdoloPenaldo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, like you said you practically raised him and you took him from a bad place, your partner is a terrible person for even asking you to send him back to your parents when he knows YOU are your brother’s home, you both are each other’s safe space probably after the way you’ve guys had to grow up, and you should honestly dump him for being a weirdo about it being creepy because at that point you’ve taken the mother role and a decent human being wouldn’t ask a single parent to drop their kid so they can be together” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Just keep doing what you are doing with your brother because that’s obviously what you both want right now and what works. Someday down the line, your brother may want to move out for any number of reasons. Maybe to attend a college, maybe for a job in a different location, maybe for a relationship.
But for now, it’s working and you are an amazing sister. Don’t let your partner or anyone else dictate how your relationship with your brother should look, that is 100% up to you.” ColdButCool33
20. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My FSIL's Son After She Refused To Pay Me?
“My FSIL and I came up with an agreement that I would babysit her son 3 days a week for only $70 a week which I don’t think is a bad price.
It started fine until it was time for her to pay me. Knowing I am a stay-at-home wife and soon-to-be mom, her payday is every two weeks which is understandable. Her first paycheck after the two weeks she never paid me. She owed me $140 which was no big deal at first. She was coming to my house that Sunday to spend time with all of us like we do every Sunday.
She came over and ate dinner with us. I mentioned to her, “Hey, you haven’t paid me as of yet. What’s going on? Did something happen?” etc. She completely blew me off on the topic and ignored me which upset me a bit but I let it go.
Flash forward when she was getting ready to leave after not acknowledging my existence, practically the whole time she was in my home. She said she would pay me the next pay day which was another 2 weeks. I let it go because I didn’t want to start a conflict with her family.
Remind you, I watch her son from 7 am until almost 6 every day for only $70 a week.
The following two weeks go by and still haven’t gotten paid which at this point she owes me $280. I text her and call her, and no reply. As of Sunday, she comes to my house again to have dinner and completely ignores me again.
This time I confronted her and we ended up getting into a massive argument over it I feel like I could’ve handled it better but I was pretty upset at this point.
I felt as if I was being taken advantage of and her parents were at my house also.
I told her I would no longer watch her son and I still want to be paid for the time I watched her son. She started screaming and yelling at me, calling me all sorts of names saying I was ruining her livelihood. What was she going to do her babysitter, etc. I feel bad because I know she has to work but I also feel as if I was being taken advantage of and used.
P.s. She also throws her son off on me when she comes over on Sundays for me to watch.
Am I the jerk for telling my FSIL I will no longer watch her son?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ No way are you in the wrong!
She has a reliable babysitter whom she knows and trusts for $2.12 per HOUR and she doesn’t pay you????? And she ignores you on Sundays when you host the family for dinner? I’m sure you cook delicious food for and she and her husband and son would like to keep coming to I assume and everyone else would like to see them too and have a nice time and she’s withholding the small amount of money she offered to pay you to care for her child 3 days (LONG days) per week?
She says “You’re ruining her livelihood”?? In what way is that? She could have just paid you the “extremely” affordable rate of $2.12/hr but now has to find a stranger to pay $20 plus/hr to go forward and also made your lives all extremely uncomfortable.
What a jerk she is. Show her this post and quadruple your fee (still only $8/hr, you deserve a lot more). Good grief.” ColdButCool33
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Someone who **needs** a babysitter to protect their livelihood should probably make paying said babysitter a priority.
Especially if said sitter is charging well below market rates. I suspect she will never pay you. Feel free to give her “$50 off your debt!” coupons in cheap cards for her birthday for the next few years instead of actual gifts.” SnarkyBeanBroth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you didn’t ruin her livelihood. You agreed to babysit her child but she is not keeping her side of the deal. She is not entitled to your time. Especially when she is intentionally ignoring you and avoiding accountability. It is so stupid, she must know that now you will never trust her with being good about money or to babysit like that.
She hurt herself in the long term now.” atealein
19. AITJ For Refusing To Crochet Gifts For My Friends Who Mocked My Hobby?
“In the middle of summer break, I started crochet. I wasn’t very good at it and I’m still learning but I can make a mean beanie within a week.
I have two best friends that I’ve known for 5 years. Cassy, who is also my roommate whom I share my dorm room with, and Zoey who also has a room across from us.
When the girls learnt of my new hobby, they started making fun of me, calling me a grandma and other offensive words, telling me it’s a very stupid idea and that I just wasted time and money on it. They even went as far as calling me grandma in public and in their contact info and posted a picture of me crocheting and sent it in the classroom’s group chat with an insulting caption.
A major incident happened where they used all the yarn I had as a makeshift rag/ drying clothes rope when they spilled a bottle of ink on the floor while I wasn’t there and got mad at me when I blew up at them.
Two days after the incident, I gifted our classmate a tote bag I made before and a keychain as a birthday gift, she absolutely loved it and went telling everyone that I’m a master at crochet etc..
Zoey and Cassy changed after this, always asking if I was making something for them, always saying back-sided remarks like “Oh my god I would just **love** a handmade bag” etc… They even started sending me pics of crochet patterns and projects that are way too advanced for me and telling me how they want the same thing but in their favorite color, etc…
The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I gifted my teacher matching blankets, pink and lavender, after she gave birth to twin girls. Zoey and Cassy got very mad, calling me a selfish jerk who puts her teacher before her best friends and that they thought I was making something for Zoey’s mother who was also pregnant, (none of us know the gender yet).
They demanded I make something to fix this mess, since Zoey already told her mom I was making her a blanket and I refused. They’re giving me the cold shoulder now and Cassy even requested a roommate change, people are telling I shouldn’t ruin a 5yo relationship for just a hobby, AITJ ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Let her request the roommate change. Maybe you’ll end up with someone who isn’t a bully. Those girls aren’t your friends because friends don’t make fun of you like that and then change their mind when it suits.
Those are users. Stick to your guns, don’t make a baby blanket for your bully’s mom, get a new roommate, and conquer the advanced patterns your bullies were asking you to do just out of spite. Become the best crocheter out there and be proud of it.” Rae_of_sunshine96
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all these roommates of yours don’t sound like friends. Real friends don’t endlessly bully you for a harmless hobby and take pictures of you without your consent to bully you. And even if they were good friends you never HAVE to make them art from your hobby even if you gift someone else art.
You don’t have to gift them anything even if they ask. It sounds like to me they changed their tune when you made people gifts and were being nice to get something from you. Them calling you selfish is a projection and they’re the bad roommates and friends here.
Enjoy crochet for yourself and the nice ppl that matter.” GilliganIsles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t know your friends but they don’t sound like good friends so I don’t know why you call them your “best friends”. If you pull their legs in return and insulting/making fun of each others in such a way is normal for you guys, then maybe I’ll be inclined to say something a bit different but I wouldn’t have made anything for them either until I got a heartfelt apology.
Got to stand up for yourself!” Intelligent_Mood6241
18. AITJ For Reporting My Parents After They Opened Credit Cards In My Name?
“I lived with abusive narcissistic parents my whole life, and starting college in August has been an amazing life-changing experience for me. I don’t have to shove stuff in front of my door or check my drinks and food for bugs. Etc. My parents had always been bad with funds, always buying and pawning items.
So two weeks ago, after reviewing my first ever college loan items, roughly around fifty-five hundred. Not that bad I know :D. I decided to check Experian to see if these loans had been applied. Well, they hadn’t but I saw three lines of credit open in my name.
I hop onto social media messenger and confront my mother. At first, she yells at me for waking her up even though she’s sick. I ask her about the credit cards in my name and she admits to it. I hang up on her, what breaks my heart is the most recent credit card was opened on September 11th, three weeks after I left for college.
I knew my parents were struggling but that doesn’t excuse it.
I had begged to come home several times throughout the semester, I lived two hours away on campus. Two of the credit cards I was able to report for fraud and dispute. The third was more tricky.
They said it was allowed by my parents to do that and they opened it when I was a teen with my permission. I never gave them permission, the credit debt they have on file is now upwards of four thousand dollars. So, instead of paying for groceries for the next eight months, I have to pay this debt off.
It has been such a struggle, and I’ve decided to cut them off. My sister called me and scolded me for reporting my mother for fraud and accusing me of doing “worse” when I was little. (I would steal food when I was hungry) Now my sister, my dad, and my mother are calling me the jerk.
I have decided to cut them off completely, three days after I had a mental breakdown because I felt so betrayed. A part of me feels so guilty for reporting it for fraud. But why should I let them mess up my life like they messed up theirs?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have to protect yourself and reporting them is the best way. Talk to your bank about getting a lock on your credit and dispute the remaining card. Ask to see the documents that you supposedly signed. Your parents and sister are projecting, and trying to blame you for their crimes.
Stealing food when you’re hungry is nothing compared to what your parents have done. Good luck. I’d cut them all off too. They’re only going to keep trying to use you.” trapper graves
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look, as a student do you have access to some legal aid?
Please get some legal advice right away. You might be able to get the third bank to back down. Please don’t let guilt get to you. You haven’t done anything. You simply must protect yourself. No parent has the right to do to their child what your parents have done to you.
They are sick people–don’t let them throw their sickness onto you. Your sister is a sick person, too. Sick and dishonest–all of them. Shake yourself free. Go to the counseling service which your university should have and talk to someone right away.” dg__875
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look up DARVO. What they’re doing is very classic of narcissists. Perhaps your sibling is trying to Golden child or is on that same narcissistic spectrum? You have to report your parents to dispute charges and have a record. Big hugs to you for having the courage to go no contact at your age- It’s gotta be hard.
Try not to get sucked into the codependency triangle (another good research term). Seriously, narcissists will do everything to make you second guess every decision you make that involves setting boundaries or forcing them to be accountable. Wishing you the very best, and wish I could like- send you a college care package like a nonnarc parent would.
Best of luck in school! Hmu if you want a care package” typeslikeagirl
17. AITJ For Choosing A Hotel Over My Dad's House Before My High-Risk Surgery?
“I was told a month ago that testing is pointing to a second cancer. The first was found last year.
Due to my past medical history required surgery is going to be extremely high risk and may leave me with permanent disability. The oncologist has warned me if the pathology is malignant there’s no question it’ll be a very aggressive one. Because the operation is so risky she’s ordered a full bowel workup before the major operation.
My dad bought a fixer-upper shortly before my first cancer was found and has been getting off on how “it’s my legacy for you”. It’s a nice place and I even helped find it, but my chances of living more than 5 years are like 50%. Needless to say, when I update him on recent events he gets triggered and is in total denial he will probably outlive me.
He tends to become argumentative that everything is fine before harping some more on the lakehouse topic. The main home finished renovation last week. He’s foaming at the mouth for us to come see it finished.
This trip is the first since he moved in, but all the doctors have me legit scared of the results and highly anxious.
I can’t deal with his extraness on top the night before without losing it. I’ll also have to spend the day before my procedure on elephant dose laxatives for the cleanse. I told my husband I would prefer a hotel near the hospital since insurance covers it.
It will be more peaceful than my dad’s and I don’t need to worry I’m hogging the only bathroom. It also has the benefit of being close, so less likely I’ll need to find an emergency bathroom on the way to the hospital that morning.
We have already agreed after my procedure I’ll stay one or two days at the lakehouse to recover until we know my next date…so I’m still making extra effort to see the new house.
My dad says I’m the jerk for getting a hotel instead of staying at his place the night before.
I’ve reminded him insurance is paying it and the booking wasn’t refundable. Still not OK. He wants me to see the house first, not my husband who will take our dogs to the lakehouse after dropping me at the hotel. (The dogs weren’t originally coming but an artic front dropped temps below 25) He doesn’t understand why I need quiet zen to process all my feels and poop in private.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As someone who has had multiple life-altering/threatening medical diagnoses/surgeries, you’ve gotta take care of yourself at this point, to the exclusion of almost everything and everyone else. I had to set firm boundaries with my mother and father after one experience, to the point of banning them from seeing me before, during, and immediately after a surgery and hospital stay.
I’m sure he loves you and wants the best for you, but when a parent is told there’s a legitimate chance they might outlive their child, it kinda screws with them. His denial of the situation shouldn’t be taken as apathy or selfishness, but rather a genuine ignorance of how to deal with or proceed in the situation.
My dad told me to take vitamins and go to the gym more when I told him there was a possibility of my death. Look out for yourself, and good luck.” Andre-Louis_Moreau
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Colonoscopy’s are no fun. Had several due to my cancer/polyp issues.
Wishing you good news. Your dad sounds worried and doesn’t know how to properly verbalize it. You don’t mention his age. Which, could be vital in this context. Avoidance of the topic is his way of pretending everything is okay in the world.
Which, of course, doesn’t help you. Try to tell him this and have this awkward conversation directly. Again, wishing you positive results.” LogicalTexts
Another User Comments:
“You need to violate the “I deal with my parents, you deal with yours” here. At this point to help protect your sanity, your husband needs to step in and go to bat for you.
Let him get gruesome in the description. Let him be your interference on this one. Your dad is scared, which I get, but that’s NO EXCUSE to Browbeat you into doing things his way. NTJ” littleb1988
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Abusive Sister-In-Law's Expensive Destination Wedding?
“My (21f) sister-in-law (30?, F) is having a destination wedding. My partner and I have no issue traveling. We would be willing to travel/drive anywhere within the US. However, she is holding her wedding out of the country. My partner and I haven’t ever left the country, primarily due to finances.
She has stated, multiple times in text and social media posts, that she will be giving the guests 1 year to save. Am I wrong for not wanting to go? She says that she’s doing it overall because it’s cheaper for her and her fiancé.
To clarify, she and I have had issues before. While my partner was living with her during college, she was very abusive and demanding of him. She would text him daily “duties” lists as well as text/call him if he didn’t respond to her requests immediately.
She claimed that’s how he would “pay rent”…even though he was paying cash every month anyway. When she moved states, I spoke with the landlord of her apartment and he agreed to let me start a lease there. So, on her move-out day, and my packing day, my partner was planning on coming to help me at my apartment.
That day, she decided to throw a fit, slam my car door, and claim that my partner (her brother) was choosing me over her. This was because he offered to help me pack.
Needless to say, at this point, I was angry and tired of her.
I got upset. I reacted irrationally and I threw all of her shampoos downstairs from the bathroom.
She then blew up on me, accused her brother of gaslighting her, threatened to call the cops on us, and attempted to have my landlord pull our lease.
She had also attempted to force me to sign a “contract” she made on Microsoft Word to buy her washer and dryer so she wouldn’t have to move it.
After all of this, I distanced myself from her and everything has been calm. Aside from her occasional social media post complaining about me, things have been okay.
I’m really worried that as soon as she realizes my partner and I aren’t going/don’t want to go she will freak out. What do I do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and don’t waste your time and energy even thinking about her, her destination wedding, her reaction – nothing.
She sounds like a real piece of work who is only inviting you because a) her brother is your partner and b) more guests, more gifts. Anyone holding a destination wedding needs to expect that not everyone is going to attend.” Ok_Conversation9750
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds abusive and like a drama queen. I’m sure you could save for a year to go to her wedding, but you could also save for a year and buy something you need, put that money towards a downpayment on a house, or a car, or something else you need. Just because someone can afford something doesn’t mean that money isn’t much better off spent otherwise.
Then when the person you would be going for sounds like an awful person, even less reason to waste money on it.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she sounds insufferable. Not only for the way she behaved with you and your partner but for her terrible attitude about her wedding.
She expects people to spend a year saving money just to attend her wedding. Where do people get such audacity?” HoshiJones
15. AITJ For Not Letting My Fiancé's Mom Control Our Wedding?
“My (22f) fiance’s mom is extremely controlling. She has been taking various pictures of him throughout his life and has almost documented every second of his existence.
Up until he was 17, she would choose what clothes he wore, and made all decisions for him, and refused to let him choose by himself.
She told him multiple times as a teen, that she would be planning his wedding and that whoever he found would “just have to be fine with that.”
Well, I’m not. For a while now, I’ve been wanting to plan my wedding. Like.. any normal bride would.
My soon-to-be mother-in-law, immediately after my fiance proposed, almost started talking to me like I was her child.
She told me where I’d be having my wedding, and sent me some wedding dress styles I could choose from.
I immediately told her no, and said that it was my wedding, and she didn’t have any right to control aspects of it.
She was very angry, and told me that I was a jerk for not letting her “live out her dream.” But, nevertheless, I continued to plan MY wedding.
Everything went sideways when I decided I did not want photos being taken during the ceremony by anyone else but the photographer. I would like everyone attending to be mentally and emotionally present and be respectful of everyone’s views.
To be clear, I don’t mean no photos for the whole wedding, I just mean for the ceremony and the first dance.
Guests will have permission to take pictures after that, but I want them to keep their cameras down, and enjoy the ceremony.
I texted her and explained this to her. She was absolutely furious and said that I was insane and that she would not be following my wishes.
She’s gone no contact for the past few days, despite me trying multiple times to explain. I have a feeling she’s never going to let me have the day how I want it.
At this point I’m considering telling her that if she can’t accept my wedding for how it is, then she doesn’t need to attend.
I know that she will want to take a bunch of group photos, that I don’t know we have time for, and may cause unnecessary chaos regardless.
Am I a jerk? Should I have just let her take pictures? I feel like I’m ruining things with her, but she won’t let me plan my wedding the way I want it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your fiancé to talk with her. He can tell her the two of you want photos of the guest’s faces during the ceremony, not the guests holding up their phones in front of their faces. Chances are she’ll take photos anyway by the way.
(Something to know and let go so it won’t bother you on the wedding day)” franticferret4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oh honey! You aren’t ruining things with her, she’s doing a fine job all on her own, but it puts you in a tough place.
I hope your fiancé is backing you up. I would simply not engage but continue to plan your wedding. You cannot reason with a toxic and manipulative narcissist as they will move the finish line and pull in every flying monkey that is afraid of her and kowtows to her.
Please contact all vendors, bridal salons etc, involved with the wedding and make sure that you create a password that only you know to verify changes. Don’t tell your fiancé as he could accidentally tell his mom. I got married in 1996 so cell phones weren’t an issue, but I would be furious and disappointed if people stood up in my ceremony to take cell phone pics.
I hope you have a wonderful wedding. Your future mother-in-law was my mom. Made my brother go no contact, and it’s no surprise I didn’t get married until after she died. Some people truly have no shame or empathy.” Temporary-King3339
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I would honestly think long and hard about marrying him.
He’s been conditioned to do what his mom wants. You don’t make any mentions of him standing up for you, or denying his mother’s absurd demands. THIS WILL BE YOUR LIFE. Do you think it’s bad now? Wait till you have kids (if y’all want them).
It WILL get much worse. Either way, when you marry him, his mother will always be a part of your life. Is this truly the future you want for yourself? Yes, therapy is an option, but there are no guarantees. It would also get worse as he discovers that shiny spine of his before it got better.
I’m not telling you anything definitive, other than THINK THIS THROUGH.” CautiousCanvas
14. AITJ For Allowing My Partner's Kids To Call Me Dad And Show Affection?
“My partner Aya and I have been together for just over two years. I have a daughter Layla (6) and she has three daughters Hina (14) Risa (9) and Lara (5). We waited a year before introducing the kids.
For context, I’ve always been affectionate with Layla.
My family showed no love when I was a kid and I didn’t want that for Layla. I was careful not to initially do any of it with the other girls, but I tried to get along with them. It went well and we moved in together around six months ago.
I thought it went well.
Layla and Lara always got along but got inseparable since moving in. And Lara insists that I treat her the same (hugs, kisses, praise, etc.). Risa sometimes wants affection, and sometimes doesn’t, so I’ve just let her lead, and I thought it went fine.
The most it gets is a hug on the couch generally.
Hina is a typical teen, acts like we aren’t cool and don’t understand her. Honestly, I didn’t think she liked me, but last month she asked if they (the sisters) could call me dad.
I agreed to make her happy. However, I was surprised because their father is involved in their lives.
Aya’s brother came to visit this week. Seeing the affection and hearing them call me dad he got mad. He thinks how I’m acting is creepy and problematic.
That we are hurting their real father with the name when he’s done nothing wrong. Accusing us of trying to replace him in their lives.
I think he’s being over the top, and none of what I’m doing is crazy. The affection I describe surely isn’t crazy.
The dad part I can kinda get, but the girls asked for it I didn’t force them to. I would have ignored it but he got the rest of the family on her case. We’ve been ignoring the calls but a part of me is worried that I may have messed up.
I’ll never have to worry about Layla having a stepfather so I don’t know how I’d feel in this situation. Even if he doesn’t sound great from what I know, I would never say their father is bad or anything. Aya is on my side and thinks her family should butt out, but she doesn’t like their father to begin with.
While I’ve been treating the girls the same, a part of me is worried that I should listen to her brother.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stepdad here, you let the kids lead the way on this which is exactly what you should have done. This is particularly the case since Aya is on your side.
You did nothing wrong here and ignored the flying monkeys. There was a reason they asked you. Should be very proud and honored.” CapsFan1066
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The stepkids were trying to find a name that showed endearment toward you other than your first name.
Perhaps having them call you Poppa, pops, or any name other than Dad would soothe the extended family. What does bio dad say?” redditavenger2019
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you let the kids decide when they wanted affection from you and the kids ASKED to call you dad.
I don’t think you did anything wrong. People have varying opinions on what is and aren’t okay with kids who aren’t biologically. They know who their dad is. They think you’ve been a father to them to ask to be able to call you dad.
You can explain that to the brother but he might not listen and there’s a chance you could put the other kids in the middle by telling him they asked to call you dad. How you handle that’s your choice but also be ready for him to still oppose the situation.” Temporary-Car-280
13. AITJ For Telling My Celebrity-Obsessed Niece To Stop Imposing Her Drama On Me?
“I (36M) have a niece (19F) who is obsessed with a certain celebrity gossip group. She says she reads it and participates in it a good 2 hours a day, and she brings it up constantly to me.
I literally cannot mention a song/show/movie/etc I like without her bringing up stuff she read about the celebrity in question. And it comes down to the stupidest stuff like deciding she hates somebody because of their “vibe” or because they made a dumb Tweet when she was a toddler.
Even if they apologized. If she really hates an actor, she will swear up and down their movie will flop, as if literally everybody on the planet read the same 100% Confirmed True™ comment from 2 years ago about the actor being an entitled diva on set.
A few hours ago when she was visiting (I live in Manhattan, and she lives in New Jersey), I unfortunately forgot she could get like this, and she saw I had a movie laying out. She said, “No offense, but how can you enjoy this movie?” She explained the actress had some drama with a One Direction singer a few years ago, and that it was a huge surprise she still had fans.
I honestly forgot what happened there because it was so stupid. I said something to the effect of, “Literally nobody in real life cares about this stuff as much as you do. Call people out if they are supporting or defending horrible people, but you need to stop obsessing over low-level drama.” She argued that I was being rude and enabling toxic celebrities, and I told her to leave because I was not in the mood to argue with her over a freaking movie.
She left, and texted me that she would be blocking my number because I apparently made her feel too embarrassed to talk about her hobbies anymore, and that it took her so much to get here (from Hoboken) and I ruined the city for her.
My sister (aka her mom) told me I was out of line and to not have Thanksgiving with them.
AITJ for how I handled this?”
Another User Comments:
“Hahaha NTJ this kid sounds insufferable. I think your sister is the jerk for A) uninviting you from dinner (probably to appease the child…) And B) raising her kid to be this way.
The kid is in for a wake up call and so is your sister. Edit – oh god, she’s 19?! I missed that & figured she was 13. She’s immature and internet-addicted obviously. Seeks too much external validation. That’s all on the mom. She’d rather uninvite you than look in the mirror at herself.
One less busy plan to be Thankful” pollypocketsarntreal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ There are 3 levels of this: 1. she has a passion/obsession – mostly fine, as long as there is no harm 2. she imposes her obsession on other people – not okay 3. she judges other people, their choices and characters, through the prism of her obsession – big, loud NO” Garamon7
12. AITJ For Asking My Partner's Daughter To Clean Up The Mess She Made?
“My partner’s kid 9f was outside playing with the dog, with a friend over. The dog toy had started disintegrating so as she was throwing it over and over tiny bits of string were flying off and landing all over the grass. The dog was also shaking it around sending string flying.
I didn’t see any of this happening, but when I went out and saw the mess I asked if the dog had done it and the girls said it had happened while 9f was throwing it. So I said ok will you please pick up all the bits of string?
She started having a fit, “It’s so much! I don’t want to! It wasn’t all me she was shaking it after!” and I said, “ok but couldn’t you see all the bits of string flying everywhere while you were throwing it? Who should clean that up?
It’s not much just please pick it up”.
For the first time, she shouted “No!” (This friend says no to her mum all the time, I’ve been waiting for our turn) but I didn’t get into an argument, just said “Yes, pick it up please” and went inside.
My partner inside was annoyed at me – “Just leave her alone! I’ll do it later!” in a tone that suggested I’d been completely harsh and unfair. I told her that it’s not a punishment, but if she made the mess she should clean it up, it’s not a massive task.
But we got into an argument where she implied that 9f shouldn’t have to do that especially while she has a friend over and I should have just left her alone and then my partner would have gone out and picked it all up later.
I said I don’t understand why they’re both acting like picking up some string is so torturous.
During this (private) argument, 9f was picking up the string and was finished in under a minute. She wasn’t mad about it, she came inside a few minutes later and we were chatting and laughing about something else.
Pretty minor task but the blow-up about it from my partner felt so out of proportion and I hated being made to feel like the bad guy over something that seemed quite reasonable to expect from a kid of 9.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“9 is old enough to clean up after themselves, but it seems to be more than just asking her to clean up.
Your partner may not like that you tried to ‘parent’ her child. I think NTJ to ask to do something so basic as picking up after themselves.” peacekermit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP. My father would have had far more than harsh words for me if I didn’t pick something up and mouthed off at him for asking me to pick it up.” Jaded-Permission-324
11. AITJ For Keeping Frozen Food In The Freezer For A Long Time?
“I live with two roommates. One I get along great with and we’ve never had any actual conflicts and communicate pretty well with one another. The other one is just…. not great. We’ve lived together since last year and things were going fine a month in, until she started nitpicking everything I did.
Her main chore is to clean the kitchen (I am in charge of everything else), which she never really does. Since I like a clean space, I resorted to also cleaning the kitchen counter, scrubbing the kitchen sink, mopping the kitchen floor, etc.
One time when I was in a rush and left a few crumbs on the counter at a time, she made a scene saying that it really annoyed her and how she always had to pick up after me this is just one example.
Another time, I was on a call in my room and said she wanted to talk to me about something that was bothering her, so she knocked on my door for almost five minutes straight, which made me super uncomfortable. Said it was my fault that I didn’t tell her I had a meeting even though we hadn’t talked in weeks.
She’ll find a million reasons to start some sort of argument. I’ve kept my distance since last year for obvious reasons, and we only really text to let each other know if someone’s coming over or if we can turn the AC on or whatever.
Yesterday, I woke up to a small pack of my frozen veggie burgers on the counter with a note on it. I bought them last year in case of emergencies, and they expire in late 2024. I don’t keep anything else in the freezer. Anyways, the note said, “This has been here since last year – plz throw out stuff you’re not eating”.
I was confused and wrote back that they were in there for emergencies and that I was sorry it bothered her, also stating that they were still safe to eat so they wouldn’t contaminate anything. They’ve never been opened. Came back to another note that said “It doesn’t matter, you can’t keep food in there for that long.”
Am I the jerk? It’s a lack of boundary, and it just seems like it’s to pick another argument.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I understand you want to avoid conflict but your roommate is a bully and you should stand up for yourself, in person, not via a note.
Being accountable to keep the kitchen spaces clean does not entitle her to (incorrectly) policing your food safety, any more than you cleaning the bathroom means you get to tell her how to shower.” Mobius_Stripping
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did not do anything wrong.
It’s a freezer. It is meant for storing goods for a long time. Do not apologize ever again for things like that, your apology just somehow justifies the crazy actions of your roommate. Tell her not to mess with your belongings anymore. What she does is wildly inappropriate.
Is it only you that she is picking on? What about the other roommate? Perhaps she wants you out because there is someone else she wants to give the room to.” EuropeanFreak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – time to put that jerk in her place.
Tell her – 1- food can stay in a freezer forever without being a danger and you are entitled to precisely one-third of the space in the freezer which you WILL have 2- your stuff is yours and if she ever touches your stuff again you will charge her the replacement cost plus an inconvenience fee 3- if she ever bangs in your door or starts another argument with you, or gets unreasonable over the fact you have done the chores she should have done or used the mutual space she is responsible for cleaning but doesn’t you will take whatever steps you can to have her removed from the lease and the apartment for unreasonable and threatening behavior.
Then either get rid of her or find a new place yourself. No one needs this hassle in their lives” Seriously dude-no-way
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To A Concert Because My Partner's Mom Is Overbearing?
“My partner (22 M) and I (21F) recently bought tickets for a concert in a city close to ours, we plan to go with our best friend and stay there from Tuesday to Wednesday, I told my mother about this and she’s perfectly fine with me traveling with my partner but my MIL is not so happy about it, I know how she feels about this since some time ago we had the same situation with the same problem, she not wanting to stay in the same Airbnb so we decided to tell her I was gonna stay with a cousin from that city and she was cool with that, however, this time is way more complex.
We said the same thing to the cousin to give her a piece of mind and she was cool in the beginning however she started calling my mom a lot telling her my partner and our best friends were going to the city on a bus and that I should go in a separate one which my mother denied immediately and said I was only allowed to go if we were all getting in the city and leaving TOGETHER.
So today my partner told me his mom had a big outburst and claimed that the only way he could go was if we got to the city together and enjoyed the concert together but the rest of the days we didn’t see each other, he could be all over the city having fun with our best friend but they could not see me until the travel was over.
My partner has never been able to be firm with his mom and it made me feel hurt that I was gonna go with them in secret if I represented something bad or we were doing something illegal I told him since I was very hurt and this was gonna be many problems I wanted to sell my ticket and just let him and our best friend go, now he is saying he’s sorry but there’s nothing he can do about it, we have been together for two years already and every time my MIL makes me feel like there’s something wrong with him spending time with me and he just doesn’t do much about it, now he’s saying he’s the one feeling hurt for me being mad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but warning sign you may have wasted years on your partner. This is not looking good. He’s an adult and is still allowing his mother to dictate what he may do. He doesn’t seem to have enough backbone to stand up for himself.
Indications so far are that your MIL will always override his and your decisions. If he can’t set a boundary that anything he does when he’s not inside the house is his own business (e.g.: “Where are you going?” “Out. I’ll be back Tuesday around 9″), then you need to think carefully about what you’re willing to endure in the long term.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your partner needs to stand up to his mother, you’re both adults, it’s none of her business what you do! If he doesn’t stand up to her now it only gets worse and you will never be able to have a proper relationship with him so you need to consider if that’s the future you want.” Little_Lock_7112
9. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Respect My Home And Boundaries?
“I, F 31 was at home when my mom F52 texted earlier in the day wanting a few groceries and things.
I said okay just let me know when you want to come over – my immediate response was “Oh now your mother needs to inform you beforehand like an appointment.” I had to deflate that before it became a thing again.
For context, my mom hates the flat that I share with my brother M28. According to her, it’s always filthy if there is a plate in the sink or it hasn’t been swept or a window is closed. It’s offensive to her and smells and she can’t bear being there for long.
Mom arrives and is at the gate – my brother is asleep and I am in the bathroom. I asked her just to hold a sec I’m in the bathroom but I’ll open it now – responded “oh wow. Okay”. While in the bathroom I can hear her go off at my brother who got up to open for her.
The first comment to me isn’t hello – it’s your feet are dirty. (I’d been outside barefoot before she came.)
I asked her to remind me what she needed and it was another “oh wow” attitude.
Then the usual started. Why have we done that?
Why isn’t this like this? Why can’t we do that? Why don’t we just listen to her?
If you express an opinion in any of this then you are wrong and are rude and disrespectful because only she can have an opinion.
When I asked her to stop going off.
I have a bad attitude and I’m disrespectful to her because she’s my mother and I need to respect her and what she’s saying. When I tried to explain that yes I accept that but she needs to respect us too, she lost her mind.
We are basically horrible people that don’t respect her as a person let alone as our mother and she stormed off without the groceries she came for.
I didn’t mean for her to explode and go off but she’s been harping on since she arrived and I just wanted her to stop because it always just puts my brother in a bad mood that I have to deal with and triggers my anxiety.
I love my mum to death but she gets on my last nerve with her holier than thou and I’m better than you attitude.
AITJ for figuratively chasing her way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, it sounds like you need to put her in a timeout because she’s behaving like a verbally incontinent toddler.
Don’t contact her for X amount of time and let her know each time she criticizes you, she’ll be in timeout for another X amount of time.” C_Majuscula
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds like a nightmare. Since she is so offended by your apartment tell her to stay out and if she needs a few groceries and things, give her directions to the nearest store.” BooCat3
Another User Comments:
“Just agree with all her passive-aggressive comments super nicely.. and return her oh wows. Does she need to make an appointment? “Oh wow yes, thanks that would be great and make things so much easier!” To all her advice.. “oh wow thanks I’ll keep that in mind!” ….
then disregard and move on NTJ.” CalendarDad
8. AITJ For Accidentally Calling Out A Customer Who Broke A Charity Shop Item?
“I (29f) work in a charity shop as a manager.
It was my last week at the job and I was so done with customers, especially entitled customers, and especially entitled customers with kids they won’t control.
I was in the back room when one of the volunteers brought in a porcelain doll off the shop floor with the head smashed in.
I asked them what had happened and they said a customer’s child hadn’t realized it wasn’t a toy and had broken it. I took it that they hadn’t offered to pay for the item, and I wasn’t about to make them as I thought that would be quite aggressive, but I was quite upset that someone’s donation had been smashed because a customer let their kid play with anything in a public space.
It was not in the kids section by the way.
I had to deal with another customer for five minutes, assuming that the previous customer would have left. So I said to the volunteer, kind of to make a point in front of other customers I’ll admit, that I wished people would offer to pay for things they break because after all,, it is for charity.
Little did I know that the woman was standing really close by, and she said “Oh, I can pay for it if you like”. I just smiled and said something like oh sorry, don’t worry about it and went back to the back room carrying this doll.
I was so embarrassed! A part of me thought maybe if she was embarrassed she would not do it in the future in other shops, but I think that was just to justify my own actions and try and avoid the anxiety over it.
It was an accident but I feel I should have behaved in a better way and not felt the need to call out someone who I didn’t even personally see do something wrong.
It’s not an excuse but I should say I deal with kids destroying products volunteers have worked for free to put together, check the pieces, clean, and price, several times a day. Also shoplifters, people swapping price tags and ripping price tags off, and always demanding discounts.
It’s for charity. I think I just broke, but I still feel awful.
So yeah, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are stressed and it’s understandable, IMO. Is the shop set up so there is anywhere to put the delicate things out of harm’s way?
The shoplifting — from a charity shop — smh is all I can do. And people behaving badly at volunteers in a charity shop. I’ve learned though that volunteers take a lot of guff. A lot of people simply do not appreciate what they get cheap or free.
You are there to help the charity; they might be there simply for a bargain. The biggest they can get. Their behavior is informed accordingly.” CrunchyTeatime
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Customers are NOT always right. Most of the time, customers suck. Some of the nicest people, when they are the customers, turn into jerks.
They will lie, deceive, and steal to get a better deal or to just pass along their bad day because they can. You just have to do your best and let the crap slide off. I wish you well.” bbaywayway
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dealing with rude customers day in and day out is exhausting.
We’re human beings and we all make mistakes, and I wouldn’t even say that the way you “called out” the customer was rude at all. If I were the customer, it would be uncomfortable. But I wouldn’t say you were a complete jerk about it.
Go easy on yourself, it happens” PhiniusGestor
7. AITJ For Not Wanting My Stepdad To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“I 20F got engaged to my partner 24M. I realize that this is probably a decision to make later towards the wedding date but for years I’ve always decided that my mom should be the one to walk me down the aisle. She has been the only consistent person in my life since I was born and I think it’s fair to want her to give me away.
I spoke to her about it before when it came up as a “what if” conversation and she told me it wouldn’t be fair to my stepdad, we’ll call him Mark. Now Mark has been around for many years but I’ve never had a father/daughter bond with him.
He has a disrespectful attitude and believes that just because he’s a man he has a right to demand respect from people. Even as a child, I learned that respect was earned, not given. There were also times all through my teens when I struggled with my body confidence and he never made it any better.
I’ve always been a little heavyset so mom jeans and hoodies were my go-to outfit, but on more than one occasion I had decided to go out of my comfort zone and wear a crop top. Well low and behold he looked me dead in the face and told me I shouldn’t wear it because I don’t have the body type for them.
Or it would be little things that he would complain about that never made any sense like the house being clean when he would never help with anything. His excuse was that he worked all day but so did my mother and she took care of us afterward and cooked dinner and did his nasty laundry (yes it stunk like bad).
He would tell us that he would come into our rooms and unplug everything we had if there was a dish left on the counter but never even brought his plate out of his room.
Now the fact I’m getting married is happening, my mom says if I don’t let him walk me down the aisle I would be hurting his feelings.
In all of this, no one cares if my biological father does it because he and my mom have been separated since I was 3 years old and he was never around much until my freshman year of high school which is why I hadn’t mentioned him.
But AITJ for not wanting my stepdad to walk me down the aisle?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ please understand like others have pointed out, your mother allowed him to treat you this way too and did not stop it from happening. She didn’t insist he helped around the house.
She didn’t step in if he was upset that you left one dish on the counter. She allowed him to punish you. She deserves blame for that too. For some reason, you grew up only mad at him but it was her doing it too, because she didn’t stand up to him and stop him.
Even now she is not standing up for you, she is standing up for him and she wants to protect his feelings and not yours on your wedding day. Even on your wedding day, she worried about how HE is going to feel. Not you.” Jmm1272
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you should prioritize yourself and what you want for your wedding, especially since so since your stepdad sounds like he’s not the best person in your life. Maybe sit your mum down alone and let her know how important she is in your life and how much you respect her for being there for you and tell her that’s why you want her to walk you down the aisle instead.
Hopefully, if she feels your sincerity and love she will agree to do it, and speak to your stepdad about it too” dpsn123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe it’s a tradition for the dad/stepdad to walk his daughter down the aisle, but it’s also an honor and as such should be earned. Through his behavior towards you and your resulting feelings towards him, he *hasn’t* earned that right, so who cares if he’s hurt?
He never seemed to care when he hurt you.” backyard chick
6. AITJ For Wearing My Traditional African Dress To A German Wedding?
“So I, 27F, am a black African woman. I’m living and working in Germany for a fixed period on secondment. While here, I became quite friendly with a colleague, 60F, and she invited me to her daughter’s wedding.
I was excited as I’d never been to a white wedding. I asked if there was a dress code/color scheme to adhere to since it wasn’t specified on the invite. I was told the code is “dress to impress”. Bet.
Day of the wedding, I understand the assignment.
I wear my traditional wear, which is beautiful and not German. The garment is green, so no problem there. Or so I thought. I get a lot of questions and compliments at the wedding, which I genuinely downplay because it’s not my day.
My colleague seems colder than usual but I pay it no mind since she’s the mother of the bride and could be preoccupied. The bride is downright rude to me, but again I give her grace.
I congratulate her and thank her for including me and I get a tight response.
I keep to the edges of the room as the music isn’t my vibe, and I’m just observing how European weddings work. I leave around 8 (after 5 hours) and go home before the wedding finishes.
On Monday I walked into whispers in the office, people acting strangely and more reserved than usual. An office friend pulls me aside and fills me in: the bride’s mother is fuming. My outfit was too extravagant, OTT, and inappropriate. I drew attention from the bride and commandeered the room: I was rude and disrespectful.
She’s told people all about it.
I approach MOB and ask to speak but she says she has nothing to say to me. I ask her why she has something to say to everyone else about me but not to me, and she calls me an insolent child.
I explained to anyone who scolds me that this was my first white people wedding: I specifically asked what to wear and followed the guidelines. Where I’m from, there’s no such thing as outshining the bride – weddings are a fashion show and a chance to wear your best and brightest clothes.
They told me this isn’t Africa (which was racially coded) and people here have manners. I laughed and told that person to go away, so she’s telling people I lack remorse for my behavior.
I’m wondering if I am the jerk though?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you don’t tell someone “dress to impress” and then get mad they are impressed! Not gonna touch the Africa comment (as a fellow Black woman with an African family, I want to fixate on that). Weddings are legit just fashion shows in most Black families and even in White families – when one of my aunts married her White husband, all of his sides were just as done-up as her side.
You asked about the dress code and she gave you it. If you supposedly outshine the bride (who sounds hella insecure tbh), then that’s MOB’s fault. Your coworkers are rude as heck – “we have manners” my behind.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Kicking My Brother Out After He Cost Me $32,000?
“8 years ago I bought my first house and moved my dad and stepmom in, both disabled by age 45.
A few months later my younger brother asked me if he could stay with me until he got on his feet, as he was staying with some pretty shady friends of his. I tell him, yes, it’s cool he can stay until he gets it together, but there are some rules.
You have to clean up after yourself, I don’t want any illicit substances in my house. Finally, he’s got to pay rent based on his pay, this would cover the upticks in the bills and his food, and he’s got to help around the house.
My brother agrees to this and we move him in.
8 years later, he has gone through 16 jobs, totaled 4 out of the 5 cars he has had, 3 of them I bought so he could get to work, has had a DUI, and has cost me $32,000.00. He has taken anything he wants, two of my bikes that got stolen, a bunch of tools, and about 6 months ago money from my dad.
He hasn’t met his side of any of the agreements he has made, he stopped paying his phone and rent, I pay for the phone, and he only follows rules as long as it doesn’t inconvenience him.
I gave him 3 months to find somewhere else to stay, bought him boxes, and reminded him occasionally that he had to be gone by a select date.
He blows it off and asks if I could give him more time. He tells me he’s almost done packing, and he has nowhere to put his stuff let alone anywhere to stay. He has nothing packed, his room is filled with trash, like half-eaten food stuff, butts, loose papers, and dirty clothes.
I’ve been going through his stuff washing his clothes and packing his stuff, tossing the trash, it’s been a chore. Despite any of this I feel like a bad brother, I feel like him sleeping out on the streets is directly my fault.
He is 33 years old and staying on the street with his partner, and I feel like an absolute jerk.
Am I in the wrong, should I just******* up and let him stay with me until he “gets it together”. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But in all honesty, YTJ but only to yourself. What you have been doing is enabling him to stay like this.
If he doesn’t have the money to pay for his phone, his phone gets turned off. If he doesn’t have money for rent, he gets evicted. But with you, none of those consequences happen so why should he change when he knows you’ll just step in and save the day?
You need to give him a 30-day notice to vacate (make sure it’s in writing and not just verbal) after that, you’ll start the process to evict him. These are probably going to be the hardest words you’ll hear: **You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.** It’s time for my brother to take a fall and see how he gets back up.
You are doing more harm than good by enabling him in life. All the best, OP.” slap-a-frap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Until he gets it together? What, in another 8 years? It stinks that he’s on the street. You did your time with his using you, taking your money and your goodwill.
All in the name of family, right? Is he on illicit substances? Face it, if you let him back, he will do the same thing, and he will never leave. Your house will become infested with roaches and rats. If you want to do something for him now, don’t let him stay with you.
He needs help. Help him find that help if he’s ready to take that step. That is the only thing you can do for him right now. I hope it works out for him eventually.” Holdontomyfur1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He had a good place to get back on his feet and he instead kept up bad habits at your expense.
Three months is a generous window to find alternative accommodations but he thought you’d cave and he found the bluff wasn’t one. His not even couch surfing suggests he’s similarly burned bridges with other people who could have supported him. You tried to help him, and he needed to accept that he needed it and that he had to take personal responsibility.
He didn’t. This isn’t on you.” lemon_charlie
4. AITJ For Not Putting Enough Effort Into My Husband's Separate Christmas Dinner?
“One year, my husband and I decided to host Christmas Eve dinner for my immediate family, which consisted of my two brothers and my parents. I made a standing rib roast, also known as prime rib. I love prime rib but rarely get to eat it because most restaurants don’t have it on their menu, so I was particularly excited about this.
I also made goat cheese mashed potatoes upon my friend’s recommendation. My husband hates goat cheese and he also only likes filet mignon, so I made him plain mashed potatoes and cooked a filet.
When I was finishing up the meal and my family had already shown up, I was trying to reheat my husband’s mashed potatoes (I had made them earlier and put them in the fridge) and cook his steak.
I got very overwhelmed with everything going on and I told him his steak probably wasn’t going to be as done as he likes it and he may have to heat up his mashed potatoes a little more. To clarify, he did not help me with ANY of the cooking.
He did clean up the house, which I appreciated, but he did not have anything to do with the preparation of the food or helping whatsoever.
Dinner was a hit. My whole family loved it and raved about how good it was. After everyone left, my husband told me that he felt like I didn’t put enough effort into his meal. I was shocked that he would say this because I went out of my way to make something I thought he would like, I just got overwhelmed at the last minute and didn’t get it how he liked it.
The way I see it, he could’ve taken over finishing up his food or sucked it up and ate what everyone else was eating. But, he decided to just complain instead.
Again, this was two years ago. When it was brought up tonight, he told me that I was selfish, that I should care more about accommodating my husband, and this was very unattractive to him that I didn’t want to make him a separate meal, and that I should be prioritizing his preferences over the guests in our house.
So, am I the jerk for not putting enough effort into my husband’s dinner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were busy and overwhelmed. He didn’t care and treated you badly. He sounds like an entitled d bag. You even made a separate meal for him and he brings it up again 2 years later.
I sense some major red flags here… I don’t know for sure but suspect he might be doing something you don’t know about that is very selfish and is trying to project his guilt onto you and calling you unattractive, as if his behavior hasn’t made him a million times more unattractive.
Guys like this are the worst. Entitled, bad in bed, and just plain jerks.” Far_Variation_6516
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but honey, this guy sucks. *Two years ago* a meal that you made specifically to accommodate him being super picky was not warm enough, and he’s still bringing it up.
I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that he’s not otherwise super kind and this is just an isolated incident…” BeJane759
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You say that still being angry about this and bringing it up two years later to whine about it is out of character for him, but you also say that you always fulfill his food preferences whenever you cook otherwise.
You cater to him constantly, and he’s holding a grudge over the one time you didn’t because he needed a specific different part of the same animal, like a child who needs chicken fingers when everyone else is eating drumsticks. He’s keeping score, and you know that he does that, which is why you defer to him from day to day.
This is not a healthy relationship, and he doesn’t treat you with respect. You need to sort out how you’re going to deal with that moving forward.” EclecticSpree
3. AITJ For Cutting People From My Wedding Guest List Due To Budget Constraints?
“So I (f20) and my fiancé (m24) are currently wedding planning and have a small budget we have to stick to.
We have cut costs by not having flowers, buying second-hand, getting a cheap venue, and even trying to reduce our guest list. Unfortunately, we still need to make the same budget cuts which I can’t do anywhere else really as I’m already being as cost-effective as possible.
Our guest list has gone from 300 people to 120 but still, it’s a lot we don’t really have. So.. I’ve thought and started removing people for things like if they were married (in the past couple of years) and we weren’t invited, anyone who tries controlling my planning (not options but trying to control), we’ve also removed those who have left us on read and not given us addresses by a certain date.
Talking to some of my mutual friends of some friends who’ve been removed for not sending us an invite to their wedding, basically chose to attack me when it was mentioned our friend was removed because I’m “just being petty and mad”
We both do have large families and a fair amount of friends so cutting people has been hard and I can’t tell if I’m being fair or if I should******* up and just figure out how to make it work in my budget.
We’ve also had multiple issues specifically with our families and are both almost half tempted to only invite parents and friends cutting 95% of the family off the guest list but feel we would regret it down the line. I would prefer my max guest count to be like 100 but if I cut mostly family it would be like 30-40 people which would make no sense for the size of venue we have.
And we don’t really want that small of a gathering as we will be leaving the state a couple of weeks after and not returning for a couple of years. But I’m struggling most with picking and choosing who to remove when we’ve reduced it down to basically aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and friends.
I don’t want to be super offensive to anyone but I’m at a loss as I also feel like I wasn’t important enough for them to send me an invite so why would they get mine?’
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, no one is entitled to an invitation.
And it’s up to you how and to whom to extend them. BUT and it’s a BIG BUT: you should be ready for the way people react to it. Like not accepting your reasoning and whatnot. Honestly, I think you were wrong to extend invites and then recall them rather than slashing your guest list in half before sending any inquiry.
It’s “better” to add more people as the core ones withdraw than to ask many and start the elimination process later.” Ok_Yesterday_6214
Another User Comments:
“You haven’t sent anything out yet so you really don’t need to be providing explanations to anybody. Why don’t you change the venue and invite 50 max, restricted to immediate family and close friends?
So parents, siblings, grandparents, and the friends you feel closest to. Making excuses, or ‘losing’ invites in the mail, is childish. Just be honest. Your wedding, your guest list.” BrainsNotBeauty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – wedding planning is a nightmare. If you worry about what people will think you’ll get nowhere.
The easiest way to do a guest list is to think of who you really want to see on your special day. One option that is pretty common in the U.K. and good for keeping costs down is to have separate guest lists for ceremony and evening reception.
That way you have a small ceremony and wedding breakfast (immediate family and wedding party only) during the day. Then the party starts and evening guests get a buffet or similar and a glass of champagne on arrival before the cash bar. Much cheaper than catering a five-course dinner and open bar for hundreds, and you get to invite more people.” Specific-Size4601
2. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Step-Sister Tattoo Quotes And A Free Tattoo?
“My step-sister (18) lives in TN and continually reaches out to me for pricing on tattoos she wants but has no plans of commuting to get tattooed by me any time soon.
She doesn’t talk to me about anything else just this and shared that she does want a tattoo from me at some point just not soon. (originally she wanted me to do her first)
For a while, I entertained it and told her why I’d charge on any given concept and placement she gave me but told her to take it up with the artist she most would like to do the particular piece and save up a few hundred extras beyond what’s quoted in case it takes longer to do than they anticipated.
Recently she messaged me again about another tattoo and I was done. I told her I couldn’t quote her anymore if she wasn’t going to get it from me and book an appointment because every artist charges based on the cost of work in their area, their skills and experience, and the market value of the area.
She complained to my mother who shared that she also expected my mom (her stepmom) and her father to foot the bill. Something my mom is very against. Mom believes that if you want a tattoo you should save and spend good money working with a respectable qualified artist because it’s intended to be with you for life.
I reached out to my sis and told her I am no longer comfortable discussing the issue further and I will not tattoo her until she can respect the process that goes into curating a piece for her (she has also asked me to replicate other artists’ work which I find appallingly disrespectful to the original artist, the client, and my artistry) and she has the means to get to me.
She said I owe it to her as her brother to help her with this and I’m being unreasonable to refuse tattooing her because it would “be good for my portfolio.” What she’s asking for isn’t a style I prefer to do but is totally within my skill set so it wouldn’t benefit me at all.
She has also shared that she expects a discount or free tattoo from me “because we are family.” Everyone else in the family insists on paying me so I don’t give out freebies anymore.
I told her I didn’t owe her anything and that she needed to take this seriously and respect me and my peers.
So I stood my ground.
So. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ big time. Your sister is young and doesn’t understand that in your industry, time very much is money. But it’s not just the time, but the energy you’re spending too, all for no paid sessions.
I also get the feeling that she would have no problem taking your design and trying to find someone at the price she wants to pay. You’ve given her good guidance, it sounds like. Agree, don’t discuss it with her anymore. Family and business don’t mix.” thisismyburnerac
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You wouldn’t be the jerk even if your first and only answer was, “Sorry, I’d rather not tattoo relatives.” No harm in that. But you helped her way more than that until she started getting unreasonable. At this point, she is drifting into jerk territory and you are not at all.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I do think you let it go a bit far. Easily done though. I probably would have just nodded and smiled and told her that I would chat to her about it when we meet face to face, she is serious about making an appointment to travel to my shop and has a ballpark amount of money saved. It’s kind of like a young person repeatedly asking for costing and advice on components for a computer build when they have neither the funds to make the purchase nor are not even locationally able to pick the darn thing up should a fairy pop it into existence.
It’s all a bit unrealistic and conceptual.” Something-bothersome
1. AITJ For Wanting To Return My Father's Tablet After He Drops A Course?
“My (27f) father (58) has some psychological disorders and is in an early retirement. He was recently diagnosed with Pseudodementia which could have been caused by his severe depression.
Because of his condition and Pseudodementia, he needed to move into an elderly care facility because he couldn’t live on his own anymore.
Doctors said we need to train and activate his brain and need to give him something to do. I’m German and in most colleges or universities you can become a so-called “guest listener”.
That means you can participate in every course that is open for guest listeners from every faculty that you want. You can take as many courses as you want but you are not allowed to take tests or get a degree. It costs around 100-120€ per semester.
We fully paid it for him and will pay that in the future. (He took 5 courses instead of 4 so it is 120€ instead of 100€)
I gifted him my older tablet to participate in online courses and to use devices in in-person courses. Monday courses started and it seems that my older tablet (4J) is too old for the University internet system so it does not work.
My husband and I decided to buy him a tablet for his birthday tomorrow (October 19th) because he decided to take 2 courses on Tuesday one is in-person and the other right after is online. Tuesday evening all 3 of us decided together which model we buy and then I ordered it on Amazon so it arrived yesterday.
It was 180€.
The requirement for the tablet is, that he takes both courses on Tuesday because for that he needs a functioning internet connection. Now he decided after Tuesday that he only wants to take the online course and let down the in-person one because he just participated in that and didn’t go to Uni.
Then he could download books and texts on the older tablet beforehand and use his Computer for online lessons.
Today I paid a total of 300€ this month for the university for my father, from which I will lose 20€ because it’s nonrefundable sadly I am only a nurse in training and my husband also doesn’t have a well-paid job so we took a bit out of our savings to pay that all.
Plus we pay for a lot of groceries for my father too.
Would I be the jerk if I return the new tablet and get the money back because there are cheaper and possible options?”
Another User Comments:
“WIBTJ. “Doctors said we need to train and activate his brain and need to give him something to do.” That tablet can be used for other things, like brain games or sudoku/crossword puzzles.
Plus he is still going to do the online class. Just because he doesn’t want to take an in-person class and you lose out on 20 bucks is not a good enough reason to not give him the tablet. Sounds to me like you’re having buyer’s remorse.
You’ll look back on this years later when your father is gone and regret it.” JusT_HC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is a difficult situation and you’re already doing more than enough. Return the tablet that you had to dip into savings to afford.
You could get him something much smaller/less expensive that he’d appreciate just as much and never know the difference” Few-School-3869
