People Hope They Did The Right Thing In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Confronting My Co-Worker About Her Insensitive Comments About Our Salary?
“There is a lady at my office who works in the same position as me. We have the same job title and the same credentials. She previously made the following comments to me: “I sure am glad I don’t have to pay my own bills.
There’s no way anyone could have a halfway decent quality of life living on a salary like mine.” “I don’t even bother trying to help my husband with the bills since I don’t earn enough to pay for anything. We just use my salary for fun stuff like vacations.”
Yesterday she said to me, “I’d be so messed up if my husband didn’t pay my mortgage. I mean, I would never consider living in the kind of dump I could afford with this salary, know what I mean?”
So I responded, “I know what you mean.
You’re referring to where I live because it’s the best I can afford on a salary like ours.”
She got offended and said I was being hostile and rude and was making her uncomfortable. She said I took her joke the wrong way because I am clearly bitter.
I didn’t say anything else to her. She knows that I live with my partner, who had to stop working due to a debilitating illness. She knows I am supporting three people on my salary. It’s not easy, but I get by and I don’t feel bitter or consider us to have a bad quality of life.
Our salary is about $50,000. I don’t understand why she is always saying nobody could ever live a decent life making so little. We have a place to live and food to eat. I have a car that’s in good condition. I don’t mind my living situation.
I just think her comments are rude and basically amount to saying, “I sure am glad I don’t have a bad life like yours.” One of our mutual “work friends” is encouraging me to apologize to my coworker but I will not. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Whenever someone says something they want to pass off as a joke, or whenever they fall back on the “you know what I mean” line, I act dumb and ask them to explain it.” Legitimate-Chart-289
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a good sense of humor and your coworker isn’t funny, just rude.
In fact, she is 100% the jerk. If anyone is owed an apology it’s everyone stuck within earshot of her.” Gramslamurai
20. AITJ For Not Being Able To Attend My Best Friend's Destination Wedding Due To Medical School Commitments?
“My “best friend”/oldest friend from high school just got engaged and hasn’t planned her wedding yet.
However, she decided she wants to have her wedding next summer abroad, in a country that is a 12-hour flight from where I live. This country also happens to be where my extended family/grandparents live, so I go very often and I know how long and grueling — and not to mention expensive — the flights are.
Normally this is something I would make work; visiting family and my best friend’s wedding is a great two-for-one. However, I am a medical student and next summer is in the middle of my medical rotations. The attendance policy during that time is very strict and I do not have vacation days or time off.
Any excused days I take off will require I make up the time, and my normal working week will be 60 hours, plus classes, plus exams, plus studying. If I take more than 5 days off, I will be required to take a leave of absence.
However, my friends from high school all seem to think that in spite of the attendance policy, I should do literally everything in my power to make it.
Even if that means going there and back in 48 hours or making up the missed time on top of what’s already expected of us. The bride is telling me that it’s “my choice” if I can’t make it because I’m refusing to go there and back in 48 hours (to be clear, it’s about 35+ hours of travel time).
I told her that I’ll do everything I can to make it if her wedding was back home or after my rotations, to which she did not respond and is acting like she’s mad at me. Maybe I shouldn’t have tried to get her to schedule her wedding around me.
To be fair the wedding date and location haven’t been set yet. But this expectation that I will come no matter what financial and educational barriers I face is really, really upsetting me. I feel like a bad friend. They’re making me feel like a bad friend.
My family and partner think this is so classic of my “best friend”, which I put in quotes because everyone tells me that she wouldn’t do the same for me and that I shouldn’t feel bad.
But I do feel bad and I keep thinking that I shouldn’t have told her I won’t be able to make it or asked her to work around me.
I don’t even know, this whole thing is eating me alive.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Def NTJ. Your family and your partner have the right of it. I fear that your oldest friend from high school, and your other high school friends, will never understand the demands of your chosen career.
You may just have to move on and build other friendships. If you can send the bride-to-be a nice wedding gift (let your partner do the heavy lifting in terms of time spent on this), that might help. Dunno. It’s a sad shame that these friends are so, well, high-school.” b1lllevansatmariposa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a medical student myself, I know just how grueling our lifestyle can be. It’s true that not everyone will understand just how much time we devote to our studies and duties, but as your “best friend” she should know that the path you’ve chosen in life is one that requires sacrifice and commitment.
I’m a few years away from starting my internship, but I still recall my older cousin (who is now a resident) missing several family Christmas and New Year’s reunions because he had duty on those particular days. I agree that if the wedding was in your country or city, it would have been unreasonable if you weren’t willing to go even with the rotation (I sure as heck know I’d be down for some makeup duty just to attend my best friend’s wedding), but considering it’s in a whole different country that takes 12 hours to fly to, it’s perfectly reasonable for you to not be able to go.” Flat_Weird_5398
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I moved from my hometown in the Pacific Northwest in 2005 to the Netherlands to live with my partner. We got married in 2010. When I sent the wedding invite to my best friend I knew there was a chance she couldn’t come.
I’d have been sad but that’s the consequence of where I moved to. She made it. The same held true when she got married. I had to have surgery a few weeks before and couldn’t move it. I managed to get home in time (without her finding out no less!) but if I couldn’t have she’d have been sad but it was what it was.
That’s what best friends do. If she’s really your best friend she won’t hold it against you.” Petra_Ann
19. AITJ For Not Paying For My Partner's Dinner When She Ran Out Of Money?
“My partner used to be anorexic before I met her. At some point in late high school, she turned it around and normalized to a healthy weight. We’re both rising seniors in college at the moment and went out for dinner tonight.
She’s not from the most financially well-off family, and she’s a great hard-working individual, though can sometimes not meet liquidity requirements.
In 2020, she got really scared that she was going to gain weight and tried really hard to not gain any weight and saw a therapist to help.
She did gain a less-than-minimal amount of weight though (though she’s still “normal” and I love the way she looks), but she’s not happy with it. She wants to get back to the former super healthy weight she was at before the health crisis and so came up with the idea that she would pay for her portion of all our outings.
The problem is she hit $0 tonight by accident and was declined. I felt like I shouldn’t budge and pay for her because of the deal as it’s what she wanted. She ended up having to call her bank to allow an overdraft and approve it.
She ended up overdrafting and was charged an extra $30 or so for it. Now she’s annoyed I didn’t agree to pay. I normally do, but should I have now too?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Here, let me hit you with an analogy: My partner is trying to lose weight and get into better shape, so she asked me to let her bike between work and home (it’s only a 15-minute ride) instead of driving her every day, as it’s good exercise and will keep her motivated to not be lazy.
And it also saves me on gas money. Well, today she sprained her ankle, but I felt like I shouldn’t budge. So she had to call an Uber to take her home. Am I the jerk?” MultiFazed
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, I think YTJ. Not a huge one, but still enough that you should apologize.
Ultimately did she end up eating the same amount in the end anyway? Yes. The only difference between you covering the cost, and her over-drafting, is that she spent $30 in fees she didn’t need to. I get that you “made a deal” and all, and some people might stick to that as the only thing… but this is real life, with someone you’re in a relationship and considering a longer relationship with, right?
Deals like that need to be flexible in the real world between friends/couples, I think. We’re not calculators and spreadsheets.” witcher_rat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You should have paid for her. She has limited funds and you let her get an overdraft instead of just paying and having her pay you back.
You also caused her unnecessary embarrassment by making her call the bank and request an overdraft when you were sitting there with the funds available. I get that she’s asking to pay so that she isn’t allowed to eat a lot so she loses weight (because she has limited funds and can’t afford lots of food – that in itself would pique my interest to make sure she was mentally healthy and not relapsing) but she already ate the food and hit zero.
You’re in a relationship, you should have said no worries, paid, and then talked to her after about whether she should pay you back based on your agreement.” Physical_Bit7972
18. AITJ For Not Pre-Cleaning My House Before Hiring A Housekeeper?
“I (34f) have 2 children (4 and 6 months) a full-time WFH job, and an amazing partner (36m) who also works full time out of the home. My oldest can clean up after herself with prompting and supervision, but she isn’t at an age yet where she’s helping to clean.
The baby only contact naps, and gets up once or twice at night. Between my partner and me, we can keep the house picked up day to day, running the dishwasher, wiping down the counters and tables, picking up messes. On the weekends we catch up on the real cleaning, laundry, bathrooms, floors, etc.
For the last 2 weeks, my partner has been away for work and he’s coming home in 2 days. Without his help, I’ve had trouble managing my job, the kids, and the house on my own. I decided to hire a housekeeper to come clean the house to give us a fresh start for when my partner is home and we can get back to our normal routine.
I told her the size of our home and what I needed. Two loads of laundry, clean the kitchen, family room, and bathroom including floors, and change the sheets on our beds. She said it would be 4/5 hours of work and would cost $200. I agreed. I asked if I needed to be home or if she was okay in the house alone.
I told her I had cameras in the house, and asked if that was okay. She said stay or go, it didn’t matter and cameras were fine.
She showed up at 8 am, I showed her around, showed her where everything was, told her how to get in touch with me if she had any questions, showed her where the cash was that I left for her, and then I left with the kids for a scheduled visit to my grandmother’s house.
When I came home the house was better but not really clean. She did the dishes and wiped down the counters, cleaned the toilet and sink but not the tub, she started the laundry but there was a load sitting in the washer and dryer, she didn’t finish or fold either load.
She put new sheets on the beds but left the dirty sheets on the floor and didn’t make the beds with pillows and comforters. She swept the floors but didn’t mop.
I called her to see if she ran out of time or what happened and she said the house was too messy.
I should have put the baby’s ExerSaucer and swing out of her way, stripped the beds myself, decluttered the counter, folded the throw blankets instead of leaving them on the couch, and done the dishes from the night before instead of leaving them in the sink.
She said she couldn’t work in the house the way I had left it and I should have known that. When I checked the cameras she was only there 3 hours.
I asked 2 friends who regularly use housekeepers and they said I was the jerk because I didn’t “pre-clean” but I feel like she told me it would take 4-5 hours and she left after 3 so if she worked the whole time she was supposed to, she could have gotten it all done whether I pre-cleaned or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While you should have put some stuff away or out of the way, and perhaps allowed the dishes to sit in the sink soaking (not sure if you did that), I think that’s about as far as you should have gone in terms of “pre-cleaning” the place.
If you have to clean it all up, then there’s no need for a housekeeper to come in just to dust, vacuum, and do laundry + change sheets. If she could sweep the floor, she could have mopped it. She also had time to move the laundry over if she still had another hour’s worth of work to do.
200 for 5 hours of work is 40$/hr. That’s a pretty steep fee IMO. But she only stayed for THREE hours. That’s nearly 67$/hr and she didn’t even finish the work! Not sure how you found this person or if they’re with an official business but I would definitely complain about being promised 4-5 hours of work and only getting 3 hours worth.
Because technically SHE could have pre-soaked the dishes in the sink and moved onto something else in the meantime and then come back to them to have an easier time cleaning them. It’s not as though she had to get on her hands and knees to do the work, and housekeepers at hotels don’t even get what she made in 3 hours in a day for 3 hours of housekeeping at a hotel!
Can you hire a teenager in the neighborhood to help you out on the weekend while you’re home with the bigger cleaning tasks? Dusting, vacuuming, cleaning windows, wiping walls, etc? You’d probably get more bang for your buck that way.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Honestly, I’m wondering if the housekeeper is new to this. I’ve used five different housekeepers over about 15 years, and they always come see the house first before giving a quote and/or quote an hourly rate and tell me the job will take approximately X hours based on the size of my house but that they can’t be exact until they see it.
If she needed you to clear surfaces, she should have told you that. She also should have worked the entire five hours if she had agreed on $200 for 4-5 hours. Also, for everyone saying that laundry isn’t part of the job, my current housekeeper who’s worked for me for about 5 years specifically told me at the beginning that she was happy to do laundry either regularly or as needed. My neighbor uses a different housekeeper who routinely strips the sheets from all beds, washes them, remakes the beds, and folds and puts the newly cleaned sheets away.
If the housekeeper and client agree it’s “part of the job”, it’s part of the job. This housekeeper said she’d do laundry. So it’s part of the job.” BeJane759
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve used lots of different cleaners in my home.
I used to have a really great team that came in 3 hours every 2 weeks and they did EVERYTHING except laundry for around $160. If I needed them to add laundry, it was $25 per load for wash dry and fold. Unfortunately, they moved and I haven’t found anyone that good again.
Once a month or so, if I need a quick clean, floors, dusting, bathroom kitchen I use an app like Handy to get whoever is available and I pay around $150. Usually, it’s because I’m having company over and a busy work week or something so I can’t do it myself.
If I need a good cleaning with decluttering and extras, I have someone that I hire to come in. She’s more expensive ($250) but she does it ALL and I only have her come in a couple of times a year.
At the end of the day, you agreed to pay for 4-5 hours of work, and you only got 3 hours of work.
If the job was too big, she should have said so. But things like baby equipment are basically furniture. Her saying you should have known to move them out of her way is the same as saying you should have moved the couch out of her way.
Clean around them, or move them if you have to. Cluttered counters got me, but if your edit is correct and it’s normal counter stuff, that shouldn’t have held her up. And if there are dishes in the sink, and you say you have a dishwasher, she should have just put them in the dishwasher.
Even my cheap quick cleaners do that. If she said she’d do laundry, she should have at least washed and dried the 2 loads even if she tossed it back into the laundry basket for you to fold. There’s no excuse for not mopping or not cleaning the tub.
That’s basic stuff.” ukelady1112
17. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Curb His Burping And Farting Habits?
“I’m in a relationship with a guy who has an 8-year-old daughter.
We have an 8-month-old daughter too.
While we were having a phone conversation on his lunch break, he let loose a huge burp. I decided to take this moment to tell him “It’s kind of gross you keep burping and farting in places like the dinner table.
I’d like it if you start curbing it because your daughter already does the same thing and I don’t want our daughter to pick up on these habits.”
I’m sorry, I’m not even conservative but I don’t think it’s appropriate to just burp or fart whenever you want.
His daughter has picked up on it and does the same thing.
He took this opportunity to say “You’re being hypocritical because when I met you your house was gross and had mice.”
Ok… so when he met me, I was grieving the loss of my husband and I was in a severe depression.
I definitely didn’t keep up my house, but the mouse problem even happened before my husband died, because it’s an old house.
I said I didn’t think it was a fair comparison and he hung up on me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He was awfully quick to try to be mean and hurtful when his disgusting habits were pointed out.
I wouldn’t worry about his daughter, though. I’m sure she’ll stop when she tries that around other girls her age. Kids are mean. How are you attracted to someone who does this? I’m a guy and I hate bodily function ‘humor’. A fart is literal waste particles being pushed out of your behind by methane gas and he does this at meal times?
Absolutely disgusting. NTJ.” unlordtempest
Another User Comments:
“I don’t have enough info to make a judgment, but wanted to share a funny story that happened on Sunday, was talking to the wife, and felt the need to fart. Due to a medical condition, I’m pretty gassy, it usually doesn’t smell, but I don’t like ripping farts right next to somebody in an enclosed space.
so I stepped out of her office into the hallway to let one fly, and my teenage daughter who can be VERY clingy had followed me out and was like an inch from me when ripped a loud fart. Screamed “DAD THAT’S SO GROSS” and my wife about died laughing, while trying to say “remember what I told you about violating somebody’s personal space, sometimes there are consequences”.
I didn’t notice that she was right there, I was kinda in a hurry to not fart next to my wife. If they are in the privacy of their own home, and it’s a burp here or there, and the occasional fart, they are funny.
If it’s constant, forced, and done with the express purpose of being gross, not so much.” aroundincircles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I once went on a first date with this guy who openly and loudly burped and farted throughout our dinner. He burped/farted at least 30 times during our meal. Towards the end of the meal, he says to me that I’m already much better than any other girls he has gone out with in the past because they all complained about his burping/farting.
And so I said well since you brought it up, I do think it’s a bit much, especially on a 1st date, which is when people try to make the best impression, and constantly burping/farting doesn’t make the best first impression. He was outraged that I was like that when burping/farting is a natural bodily function that everyone has and nothing to be ashamed of.
I said I do agree, and that if it was just a few times, it wouldn’t have fazed me at all because it happens, but besides the high frequency of the act you’re also doing it much louder than the average person without any sort of at least social politeness or saying excuse me or saying that you had some medical illness that forced to do more often and more loudly than normal. And as I said, 1st dates most people put on their best act.
And like the saying, if this was his best, I’m not sure what his worst could be. And bringing up all your bad habits is not 1st material, even though we all have bad habits. There was never an attempt of a second date from either side.
Also, my sister is a loud burper and her kids have definitely picked up that habit.” Koiria
16. AITJ For Defending A Freshman's Bus Seat From Older Team Members?
“I (F17) am captain of the Colorguard at my school and have faced my fair share of drama.
We were on the bus to a competition and our younger member who was a freshman, we’ll refer to her as GN, was sitting in a bus seat about one up from me. GN had been talking about how she always sat in said bus seat for every competition and expressed that she thought it was cool and was excited about it.
Then two older members, one junior and one sophomore walked onto the bus. The junior said, “GN get out of that seat so sophomore can sit next to me.” GN looked uncomfortable and said, “but I’ve sat here for every competition” and started to get up to move her things.
I instantly thought this was not okay and said no and that they could easily find a different bus seat to sit near each other.
The junior’s argument was that it was just a bus seat and that I was being unreasonable. But in my mind, if it’s just a bus seat, they could easily go find a new set of seats to sit in.
And they ended up sitting in a bus seat that was one right next to the other just one or two rows up. So I didn’t understand the need to kick GN out of her seat in the first place.
Junior and sophomore were mad at me the rest of the day and glared at me.
Sophomore later said that GN was willing to give the seat up. But from what I had witnessed she didn’t seem very okay with giving it up and I stated “you can’t just kick people out of their seats for your own purposes.” But am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In fact, if anything, good job on your part for defending the kid already in their seat. “But in my mind, if it’s just a bus seat, they could easily go find a new set of seats to sit in.” Bingo.
Not your fault the other two jerks are sour for not getting to flex their way on the bus.” lerch_up_north
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, The two older students should have asked whether GN could move, and not have demanded so. The two older members were definitely in the wrong.
At best, they were ignorant that GN was uncomfortable with the situation. At worst, they were using their status as older members (or just the fact that they were older) to pressure GN into moving.” FinancialTeach5098
Another User Comments:
“Really great you stuck up for them.
Older kids need to realize that bossing younger people around is not cool and is not a given that they get priority over seating. You were all heading to the same competition and no one was any more important than anyone else.” General-Buy-8191
15. AITJ For Going Over My Boss's Head To Work From Home To Support My Pregnant Wife?
“I (29m) am expecting my first kid with my wife (28f). It’s been a really difficult pregnancy and my wife was recently placed on modified bed rest. Also, her therapist thinks she is becoming depressed again.
Because she is on bed rest and was forced to take an early maternity leave, she can’t do a lot of things on her own.
I want to be there at home for her to help her with anything she needs/manage the household chores/emotionally support her during her pregnancy and depression.
My job has a few people still working from home or doing a hybrid mix. I asked my boss (36m) if I could also switch to working from home preferably but at least a hybrid mix if that’s not feasible.
He honest to god laughed at me. He said I must be joking about making such a ridiculous request during one of our busiest times of year, especially considering I already requested to take paternity leave when the baby comes. He said the company needs me here and not at home.
He told me he was going to deny my request. He already knows my wife is pregnant because sometimes I’ll leave work early/come in later so I can to all of the appointments. But I reminded him and also told him that she is now on modified bed rest/depressed. I told him I really needed to be at home during this time.
He told me that wasn’t the company’s problem and it was my fault for deciding to have a baby.
I ended up deciding to go to my boss’s boss (42f) instead to ask her if I could at least get a hybrid mix.
She granted my request to work from home full time instead because she said that she remembered being pregnant and knows how difficult my situation must be.
Also for the record in case anyone suggests it, I can’t arrange for someone to go around to help my wife.
For one it’s really expensive. For two my wife is having a hard enough time as it with letting me do all of the things she would usually do. (I seriously married the most stubborn woman on the planet. Gotta love her though.) I don’t think a stranger would be beneficial.
Anyway, I was thrilled that my request was granted and I can support my wife and be there when she needs me. However, my boss is angry at me. Also, my coworker said it was a mean move to go above his head. I mean I can see why I guess but it’s not like he got in trouble.
He’s just upset that he “looks bad.” AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m a manager and one of the things that I’ve always told my employees is that if they didn’t like one of my decisions, they always have the right to go above me.
Does it make me feel good? No, but that’s not the point. The point is that employees should have the right to challenge something especially if they feel they are being treated unfairly. I try to make decisions based on policy and what is best for everyone but hey, I’m human and I make mistakes.
If you are in the US and have been with your company for over a year, the situation you described would probably make you eligible for FMLA. Your boss should have recognized that and at a minimum, taken your request up the chain. If we were that busy, I’d rather have an employee working from home than not at all.
Plus, you weren’t asking for anything the company wasn’t already doing. NTJ and hope all is well with your wife.” flkatlady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your boss is a heartless jerk. Your boss’s boss, on the other hand, is both compassionate and smart. Over the past two years we’ve learned that (1) a lot of our jobs can be done from home; (2) work/life balance is a good thing for employees and employers.
Your mean boss says the company needs you at the office too much? Well, he’d be up a creek if you left the company for one that’s more family-friendly. I have a feeling the Jerk Boss isn’t going to be a problem for you much longer — if he’s treating everyone else as badly, the company might start to see him as more of a liability than an asset.
But cover your backside just in case. Document and report any attempts at retaliation. You’re doing the right thing. I hope the rest of the pregnancy goes ok. Enjoy your growing family.” AdEmpty4390
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you can do your job just as well from home, your boss was a jerk to deny it.
My mom tried to quit last year (she’s old enough to retire but was planning to work/save a few more years, but during the global health crisis she decided she was never going back to the office). They didn’t want her to quit so they okayed a small number of people WFH.
Now they’re forcing other employees to go to the office despite insane gas prices. This is a job that can easily be done from home. Then employers cry that “no one wants to work.” No, no one wants to work for unreasonable jerks.” Bloodrayna
14. AITJ For Trying To Prevent My Work Wife's Sister From Getting A Job At Our Workplace?
“I, Herman, have a work colleague I’ll call Lily. Lily and I get along great and we excel at our job. Our work is done very quickly and we’re simpatico. No romantic feelings between us at all as I am gay.
However, her sister Marilyn seems keen to work with us. I’ve seen Lily & Marilyn and it’s not a pretty sight when she and Marilyn are together. They argue mostly and Marilyn tends to be in the wrong. We were out at a restaurant and she criticized the food to the point the server came to the table and ignored her.
Me: I apologize that you have a difficult customer at this table. I didn’t want to bring her.
Lily: (shocked I said it) That’s my sister!
Me: And she’s acting like a Karen, I told you I didn’t want her to come with us. So if I have to deal with it, you’ll hear about it every time she acts up.
Marilyn: I don’t know why you’ll let him insult me.
Lily: You’re the one acting like a Karen!
The server is awkwardly looking at us and is relieved when Marilyn pays the bill and leaves a $1 tip. Lily and I left a good tip for her for all the nonsense she endured.
Lily talks about all kinds of embarrassing things Marilyn does and acts like she’s always right even when she’s clearly wrong. She seems willfully obtuse.
And here’s where we come to the situation. Marilyn has an interview and comes to my work site. I see her and duck out of the way as she’s still upset about the time I scolded her for berating the server.
Me: Did you know your sister was interviewing today?
Lily: Yeah, she said she was going to X worksite (not ours) I don’t want them to know she’s my sister so she can interview on her own though.
Me: Oh ok, as long as she’s not working here, I don’t need you both creating a negative workspace.
A few moments later.
Lily: Oh no.
Me: What?
Lily: She says she’ll enjoy working here and that she wants this site.
Me: Ok.
I went to a person who is in charge of interviews (we have a pretty good work relationship) and went into a private place “You didn’t hear this from me, but Lily’s sister Marilyn interviewed today and I hope she’s not putting in for this site.” They look at me, curiosity piqued. “Put her anywhere but here PLEASE,” I begged.
“We’ll make sure she goes somewhere else,” they said.
Lily hears it, and tells me I could’ve gotten her disqualified, but doesn’t want her sister working with us. I said I don’t want a toxic work environment and I refuse to have it after the difficulty I went through before coming here.
She’s mad I could’ve cost her sister the job (granted) but I think the end justifies the means AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“My partner and I agree you’re NTJ. I work in a place where a different division has a toxic environment. They’ve lost some of their best people due to it and I was ready to find a new job before I got a promotion and went to a different division.
It’s okay to stand up for your right to maintain a good work environment. Hopefully, your work colleague will cool down and realize you did the right thing for both of you.” Forward_Excuse_6133
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your reasoning is fine in both cases but your execution is that of a jerk.
At dinner: If you have a problem with Marilyn’s behavior, speak to Marilyn about it. It’s immature, sneery, and antagonistic to speak about her like she’s not there and say you didn’t want her there. Going to HR: It wasn’t really your place to insert yourself, though I can understand why you did.
But you should have specified that Marilyn doesn’t get along with Lily and you were concerned about them having conflict at work. Just saying ‘put her anywhere but here’ makes it sound like she’s generally going to be a terrible employee and you don’t know that.
Yes, you could have cost her the job, and just because it worked out doesn’t mean you knew it would when you went in. Wasn’t your place to risk her job because you had an argument with her once.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“I’m surprised you’re seriously asking this.
Like I don’t understand how you even wrote this entire post and didn’t look at it and immediately delete it. YTJ 10000000%. You may be gay but you’re very possessive of Lily. You do know unless she dislikes her sister and publicly tells you that (not complains but actually dislikes her and wants to cut her out of her life), you’re playing with fire.
Some of us with siblings have love/hate relationships with them but going to HR because YOU don’t like her is crossing a line. Doing what you did at the restaurant is crossing a line. I have a friend who has horrible outbursts at restaurants.
When we make a reservation we actually tell the staff person that we have a difficult person in our midst and to please give us the kindest, easygoing, understanding server they have and that we apologize in advance. If this restaurant hadn’t warned you, you could have pretended to use the washroom, gone up to the server explained the situation, and apologized to the server.
You didn’t have to embarrass her even though she was horrible. You’re making it worse. Lily didn’t appreciate it either since her initial reaction was you saying what you said. You also seem quite full of yourself thinking you’re in the right and showing two examples of what you think is your moral superiority.” archetyping101
13. AITJ For Sending My Step-Daughter A Gift Package To Her Mom's House?
“I’ll admit I’m not super close to my 17yo stepdaughter, Nora. She mostly resides with her mom and is often a bit dramatic. That said, I don’t dislike Nora and wanted to do something nice. I was out shopping and found some cute clothes, shoes, and accessories in Nora’s size and style that were on sale, so I bought them, boxed them up, and sent them to Nora to have this summer and since we’re (my husband and I) not sure when Nora will next be over due to her having a lot going on the next several weeks with extracurriculars and friends.
The box did not go over well! My husband’s ex called him, he put her on speaker and she completely flipped out screaming, how dare I! She and Nora don’t need or want my cheap trash charity. Accusing me of overstepping, interfering, and trying to call her a bad mom.
Screaming that I have no right to do that and I have no idea the emotional damage and trauma I inflicted on her and Nora by doing that. Nora was not saying much other than that what I did was unacceptable and I’m a jerk for upsetting her mom and how I’m nothing to her and she did not need anything from me.
Then she told her dad after that this stunt he will be lucky if she sees him at all this summer.
My husband says I was just trying to be nice, and his ex and Nora flipping out is entirely on them.
I’ve gotten Nora stuff before, but always kept it here until the next time we saw her, so this was my 1st time sending stuff to her mom’s house.
Maybe I messed up by not making sure they were ok with that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – pretty clear that the divorce didn’t go well and there are some major issues between your husband and his ex. I think she’s showing WHY she’s an ex.
I cannot fathom being derided in such a manner for a gift. Completely violative of Ms. Manners who indicates that you thank the sender and return them quietly if they aren’t to your taste. You do not attack the gift-giver. NTJ and it sounds like you have an uphill battle with your step-daughter going forward.
I’m sorry.” DumbestManEver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, I could go either way re whether it was an overstep. Really depends on your relationship with the mom. I don’t think stepdaughter likely gives a darn beyond whatever she already feels towards you. But an ex could reasonably see that as intrusive if y’all don’t get on well.
But that doesn’t excuse the screaming. Like, people regularly see something while shopping that reminds them of someone, then buy it and give it to them. It’s really a pretty mundane experience, even if it was an overstep I don’t see how it merits anything beyond rolled eyes and throwing the stuff away without comment.” admweirdbeard
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s either jealous that she can’t afford to do the same, or she is genuinely offended that you felt the need to send it to her house. Also, I’m not sure what trauma you inflicted? That’s what tells me that maybe she was jealous.
But a kid receiving a gift usually doesn’t cause any trauma. As a kid of divorce, I am obligated to say that it does get messy. Nora probably just said that because her mom wanted her to. I’ve said a lot of things to hurt my father because I didn’t want to get on my mom’s “Bad List.” It’s awful, but hopefully, you and Nora can repair your relationship.
In less than a year you can also ignore your husband’s wife.” brokemillenial28
12. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad's New Wife To Instantly Be Called 'Grandma' By My Kids?
“I (37f) have 3 kids (13m, 3m, newborn f). My dad (67m) just got married a couple of months ago to (46f). I didn’t know he was seeing anyone and he just tells me and my older brother via text that he got married. The relationship between me and my dad is not bad but not good either.
We talk every now and again and he lives in another state so I don’t see him that often.
My dad’s new wife keeps telling my dad how excited she is that she is now a grandma due to I gave birth to my daughter and then goes on about how she is adopting my 3-year-old as her grandson (says nothing about my 13-year-old).
I have not yet spoken to this woman only to congratulate her for marrying my dad other than that she just likes pictures of my 2 youngest on social media and that’s it. My dad tells me she is very materialistic and likes high-end things whereas my husband and I are not really into stuff like that.
After talking to my dad he tells me that he and his new wife are coming to visit me and she keeps saying she can’t wait to see her grandkids. Now I am beginning to dread this visit because one I can only handle my dad in short spurts but since he is bringing his wife I feel she needs to earn being a grandma before being called one.
Both my mom and husband’s mom are in the picture and I feel kinda weird as is having a now stepmom that is old enough to be my sister but WIBTJ to tell her or my dad she really isn’t my kids’ grandma just because she married my dad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father didn’t inform you of this relationship, got married, and sprung it onto you. If you yourself have not even properly met this woman there is no world in which she gets to call your children her grandchildren. This is the equivalent of bringing a total stranger around and saying “Hi kids, it’s Grandma!” She just happens to be married to your father.
I’d talk with both of them before their arrival and set some boundaries. Your 13-year-old is old enough to make a decision to have a relationship with this woman and your youngest are under your decision-making. You might also want to see how your children, partner, and their actual grandmothers feel about this.
(Although mainly just the child and partner.) Good luck!” notointentions
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “I feel she needs to earn being a grandma before being called one.” This is the key point. Tell your dad that you are happy to build a relationship with his new wife, but feel that trying to force an “insta-family” by jumping forward too fast rather than allowing the relationship to develop naturally might cause uncomfortableness where there doesn’t need to be.
Can they lay off labels or expectations for now and just get to know each other? You just want the relationship to develop at a good, natural pace rather than rush things and risk any problems developing. If they can read the room they’ll back off a bit while a friendly attitude from you when you meet them will reassure them that you meant what you said.
If they are oblivious and insist on pushing forward you won’t be wrong for gently but firmly redirecting them to where you are comfortable.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom has 3 kids: me (32f), Z (30m) and M (25f). She was in a long-term on-and-off relationship with M’s but they finally called it off when I was about 18.
She had 2 partners after and they reconnected with Z’s dad who she has always been on good terms with and with his family. When I was 27, they got married. I had twin stepdaughters (10 at the time and called me mom/momma on their own), along with 2 boys who were 4 and 6mos.
My kids and my stepdad were never forced into the grandfather/grandkids relationship but he did that because he wanted to. He earned it and my kids wanted that. My and my husband’s fathers have never been in our lives, so he is the only grandfather they have and they adore each other.
I actually think other kids get jealous because of how hang my parents on (they were 47 when they got married).” raven8908
11. AITJ For Refusing To Document My Work After Demotion And Pay Cut?
“I worked hard for six years to build great custom software for a small startup. The owner suddenly developed a personal problem with me and I was heavily demoted and my pay was cut by over 35%.
The problem (for them) is, no one there knows a thing about software or how to maintain what I’ve created. They need me. So the new job requirements (in order to keep what little salary is still on offer) is to create detailed documentation and materials to, in their words, “transition to a new programmer.”
At first, I just said, “no, I’ll quit first.” Then, in the spirit of compromise, I offered to create everything they needed and send it to an escrow company to be released in case of my death, willful resignation, or after five years, whichever comes first. They’re calling me unreasonable and accusing me of extortion.
Am I the jerk, here?”
Another User Comments:
“It was within their purview to request you do this exact thing when you were in your original position. To cut your salary and demand you do it now is unprofessional at best. You’re NTJ but you may regret your decision down the road when you look for new employment.
Would suggest you do a contract reinstating your pay and guaranteeing a good reference at the end of a specific amount of time, with consequences for either side if they fail to uphold their end. You do not want to continue working for this company and you are quite likely setting yourself up for obstacles in getting better employment with your current response.” Forward_Excuse_6133
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I do have a similar story: once watched a company I worked for fire a guy in exactly your position, but without asking about documentation or admin passwords or anything first. A couple of weeks later they called him and asked for the passwords, he told ’em to pound sand.
Five years later, we were still using that software, and manually correcting the ’19__’ to 2002 on each and every form. All this hassle, because they could neither hang on to a good coder nor get their ducks in a row before firing him.” ThisIsMyFatLogicAlt
Another User Comments:
“First question, who owns the rights to the software? If they didn’t write it in your job contract it could rightfully be yours to take, but not likely. If you are an employee, the general rule is that all of the work you do on the job – and the rights to that work, such as copyright, the right to license or sell it, and so on belong to your employer.
Even if you invent or design something that makes your employer lots of money, you are not entitled to a share of that profit. So: If they own the the work you create, they still step on their foot by not getting what they need now before they cut your wages.
You have that recourse to hold over them, and should! NTJ!” Enduser921
10. AITJ For Reporting My Friend For Misusing GoFundMe Donations?
“My friend who is my age received several life-saving surgeries and medical procedures and their community did a series of fundraisers and a popular online fundraising campaign that raised around $15k. I recently stopped speaking to them because I learned that they used some (or maybe all — can’t confirm!) of the funds from the campaign to take several people on a family vacation to a very special theme park in Florida.
The campaign description very clearly stated that they were in dire need of a specific type of medical care and that the donations were for medical expenses. I think they seem to believe that they “deserved” a very special and momentous occasion to commemorate surviving a life-threatening medical condition, which is absolutely true, just not with GoFundMe donations.
I am 99% certain that the majority of donors have no idea that they funded a family vacation instead of medical bills.
Would I be a jerk if I made a formal fraud complaint to GoFundMe? For what it’s worth, I certainly don’t believe they could produce hospital bills or invoices to account for the entire allocation of funds from GFM.”
Another User Comments:
“If I donated to a GoFundMe to help save someone and they raised more than enough money to cover the treatment, I wouldn’t ask for a refund and I’d be fine with them treating themselves to a special holiday. Others will likely feel differently, but I think YTJ to go and cause trouble for a family that has probably just been through something awful.
(It would of course be different if the illness didn’t exist and they’d just invented it to fraudulently receive donations from people.)” jjswin
Another User Comments:
“Going against all the YTJ judgments, I kinda think NTJ, I have a feeling that sites such as GoFundMe have specific rules that the funds have to be used for the purposes stated in the campaign.
Otherwise, it is, obviously, fraud, I would say. If what you are saying in the comments is really true and the medical bills were covered by insurance or such, then it’s really not cool of them to use the money people donated for the treatment to go on a big family vacay.
But I know nothing about actual circumstances and just talk about a hypothetical situation that a stranger presented…” vik_thewomaninblack
Another User Comments:
“INFO: 1) Did any part of the money go to the medical bills? 2) Have the medical bills been paid in full? 3) You keep contradicting yourself in your comments.
First, you say the debts were forgiven. Then you say it’s covered by insurance. Then you say you can’t confirm how much of it was used for the vacation. Then you say they confessed they used all of it for the vacation. So which is it really?
4) Was the GFM started before they knew there were alternatives to clear the debts? They survived something life-threatening. They deserve to have a bit of peace and fun. Also, don’t think much of you as a friend who decides that the next thing someone who has been through a medical ordeal needs after surviving is to deal with a formal complaint lodged against them.
If you really feel they have done something wrong, have you tried talking to them about it? That said, if the answer to 4) is no, then yes it’s fraud, and by all means complain.” SeaScape9775
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Dedicate Rooms To My Husband's Kids Who Rarely Visit?
“My husband and I both have kids from previous relationships and the collective kids split time between us and the other parents. My kids are over a lot more often than his. Two of mine are young adults (attending a local college) and one is still in high school.
Both of his are still in high school.
My husband wants us to get a house where our son has his own room because he’s with us so much and 2 more bedrooms so his kids from a previous marriage each have their own room when they come over, which is maybe 3-4 times a year.
I said no. I told him that I’m fine with having a few guest rooms that any of the older kids can use but dedicating rooms to just his would likely make my older kids feel unwelcome in a sense. He says his kids have told him they will refuse to come over after we move if they do not have rooms dedicated to just them and painted and decorated how they choose.
I am maintaining my stance that’s unfair and that all the kids should have use of the guest rooms when they are with us but none of them, unless they tend to reside with us on a 50/50 or primary basis, should get a claim on the rooms as I feel that would just be unfair.
My husband is worried not giving his kids what they want will make them hate him and refuse to come over anymore. AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“Wow. A lot of the people here really really cannot read. Let’s see if I have this right.
You have 2 college-age “children” from a previous marriage. You have 1 high school child from a previous marriage. He has 2 high school children from a previous marriage. And you have a young child together. Your young child you have together will have their own room. Fine.
That’s fair. He wants two extra rooms for his high school children. Their own rooms that will barely be used. So when your high school child from the previous marriage comes over they will not have their own room because it’s only 2. Not three.
So why do his 2 high schoolers get their own and yours doesn’t? Not fair at all. Yeah your college-age children don’t need their own dedicated rooms. So either get a place with 3 rooms, one for each of the high schoolers (his 2 and your 1) or none get their own dedicated rooms. So yeah.
NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You have five kids. Is he seriously planning to buy a six-bedroom house? For kids who will only visit a few times a year for the next few years and then very little at all? I get that he wants to spend time with his kids, but overspending on housing isn’t a good way to guarantee that happens.
Anyone who spends less than 30 nights a year at your home can have a shared room (two twin beds for his kids to share a room and/or two twin beds for your kids to share a room). But they get to decorate their rooms (give them a budget) and those aren’t guest rooms. Neither his kids nor yours are guests.
If the kids complain about sharing a room with their sibling, explain that the lower cost of housing means you can afford X, Y, and Z things they enjoy (vacations, sports, college savings, etc…). Also, put key-lock knobs on the doors for the bedrooms for kids who don’t stay as often (and for the one who does live there more often).
That will help them to feel comfortable that, although their space is shared, it is still a private space.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for even considering taking your daughter into a situation where she is so blatantly badly treated. I doubt that your husband has only just started to treat your children like second-class citizens.
You’ve purposely or unknowingly ignored it. I hope it’s the second. This is the hill to die on. Your home is your children’s home too. If your husband doesn’t treat them properly, you can NOT live with him. And that’s it.
It’s nonnegotiable.” Accomplished-Cheek59
8. AITJ For Prioritizing My Grades Over Assisting My Friend With Her Wheelchair?
“My friend, S (17F), has a prosthetic leg. Sometimes, her leg will bother her, so she’ll use a wheelchair during the school day. There are two different lunch periods for 9th-12th grade students in my school, A & B lunch. It’s during 5th period on the daily schedule.
I (16F) have A lunch, having a science class as my 5th period. She and our other friend, E (17F), have B lunch, having an English class as their 5th period. With how B lunch is, their lunch is after their 5th period, which is also during my 5th period.
Often, E or S asks me to meet them at their classroom and push S in her wheelchair so E doesn’t have to try to push S & hold her lunch at the same time since they eat in their 5th-period teachers’ classroom (I can’t blame them for that, I also eat in my 5th-period teachers’ classroom since the lunchroom gets loud).
For most of this semester (I had B lunch last semester, so it wasn’t a problem to meet them at their classroom) leading up to now. I also bring S to her first-period class (study hall) since I get to school early and see where her bus pulls up from my classroom (Interior Design).
I usually get back to class a few minutes after class starts, never late enough to be counted as tardy.
However, sometimes I miss some instructions on what to do. I’m generally a straight-A student, but recently I’ve noticed that my grade has dropped to a B in both of those classes where I help S.
I assume it’s because I keep missing stuff I need to know that sometimes will either make me not know how to do something or not even get the paper (mostly in science). So, I feel like I’ve been making many excuses not to help S in hopes of catching up with my classes.
Recently, it’s seemed like they’re a little mad that I’m not helping. They haven’t directly said anything to me. However, they usually ignore my messages when I tell them I can’t help. Usually not replying to me until I run into one of them in the hallway or when they need to ask for something again.
For context, I want to go into a profession where there’s only one college in the state with the major required, so I want to have the highest grades possible to get into said college hopefully. I almost always tell one of them why I can’t help them, other than when they ask me in the middle of 5th period; as my science teacher has a strict phone policy, it’s not like I’m saying I will and then being a no-show.
I get why it might be an issue for her because then she has to wheel herself across the carpeted halls to her classrooms. However, also it’s gotten to the point where even my science teacher, who for the first half of this semester was very open about me leaving to help S, has been telling me that I can’t go anymore because I keep missing important stuff and then my grade is all over the place, and I am doing/turning in missing work every other day.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Instead of being mad you can’t help anymore, they should be thanking you for the help you did give. You aren’t obligated to help anyone. She should talk to her counselor about having someone assist her every day. The school system should provide an aide–they did for disabled students when I was in school.
But, you should just tell them that you are missing too much in class and it’s causing you to fall behind. And do you have any other friend interactions with them outside of helping them or texting about it?” Miss_Bobbiedoll
Another User Comments:
“This is gonna make me sound horrible and ableist or something, but she is completely capable of pushing her own chair.
Just because it’s convenient for her to have other people push her to class, doesn’t mean she’s allowed to affect other people’s grades over it. That’s INCREDIBLY unfair to you. If this is SUCH an issue for her with the carpets, she needs to start speaking to the administrators about assistance instead of affecting her friend’s classes.
NTJ.” AquaticStoner1996
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Listen, I’m an amputee myself, and I get how tiring it is to push yourself at times (there are times I can’t wear my leg too), but surely she can either get her friends to hold her lunch so she can push herself OR she can hold their lunch and they can push her… I don’t understand why they feel they have to drag you out of classes to push her to lunch.
Your education is more important when she already has help on hand. There have been times when I’ve had to push myself across the carpet whilst holding stuff in my lap… Tbh, it’s not hard if you can rest it on your lap or hold it between your knees!
Her friends should be encouraging her to be more independent rather than replying to you! Just so you guys know too… I’m a fairly recent amputee having had my leg amputated on 12th November 2020, I’m on my 3rd leg because my stump has shrunk (it’s meant to do that lol), and I’m still shrinking so having to layer up my liner with thick prosthetic socks, so I know all about the leg/stump getting painful or tired…” TayLou33
7. AITJ For Calling Out My Husband For Undertipping Our Regular Servers Out Of Spite?
“My husband and I go out to eat quite frequently at a local Asian restaurant even to the point where we know the owners and they make special things for us when we come in. Tonight we went in for some of our usual delights, my husband’s favorite being the salmon sushi special which he always upgrades to fatty salmon because he says it’s more delicious, and this time the owner even did a super fancy presentation for him which my husband called “the best he’s ever had.”
Upon settling the bill, which I usually, being married, out of habit deflect to him, he was upset that the server would not combine his two rewards punch cards into one so he could get a discount. They keep giving him the rewards cards but he forgets them at home and they start a new one so he has enough for a discount, but they just aren’t all on the same card.
If you ask the right person usually they do it but tonight they told him no he has to use it at a different time.
He got all upset with this and as we were already out the door leaving, he tells me he only tipped 10% because he was mad about it.
These are people who always go above and beyond for us and I just thought it was petty and cheap of him to tip that little out of spite. I was embarrassed that he would take that out on the server who was just doing their job and I guess I kind of made a big deal about how rude I thought that was.
Now he’s avoiding me like I’m the rude one. AITJ for calling him out or is it mean to undercut servers tips because of something like that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but… You were there too. You were party to the undertipping. “Upon settling the bill, which I usually, being married, out of habit deflect to him.” I’m sticking with the NTJ, but I think you do need to take responsibility too here.
If you want to tip, then tip, don’t look to your husband to just do what you want.” Pale_Height_1251
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a server, I hate people like your husband. You say other waitstaff have allowed you to use 2 at once? Cool.
You know that in most places only management can do that, right? Or staff that has access to certain things. If he is just a “normal” employee, odds are he can’t combine multiple rewards and therefore didn’t even know it was an option.
I literally had a table get mad at me a few weeks ago because they ordered something NOT ON THE MENU because it turns out a higher-up coworker was making special stuff for them. How was I supposed to know that? I can’t even put it in the computer for them because it’s not an actual item we carry.
And guess what, THEY GOT MAD AT ME! Just because some workers do it/are able to, doesn’t mean they ALL can. And y’all punished him for what? Doing his job right?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Your husband made a mistake, then he demanded special treatment, then he punished the server for sticking to the rules and now he gives you the silent treatment for criticizing him… Are you sure he’s your husband and not your son?
YTJ, too. You don’t have to check the tipping of your husband, but the way you argue against going back and tipping properly and against leaving a proper tip in the future makes you completely hypocritical. You clearly don’t see the need of tipping properly, you’re just here to blame your husband.” MadMaid42
6. AITJ For Refusing To Sign A Prenup Three Weeks Before My Wedding?
“I am getting married in 3 weeks. Yesterday my fiancé let me know that he contacted a firm to get quotes for a prenup (marriage contract) to be drafted. We have never discussed a prenup in depth before yesterday.
He has more assets and earns 2-3x more than I do, so I understand why he would like to have one. I agree with the premise of a prenup to protect pre-marital property and inheritance.
However, when I asked what he wanted to include beyond pre-marital assets/property, he also rhymed off a number of things that seemed very one-sided (exclusion of retirement accounts, no spousal support entitlement, exclusion of any future business income).
The issue with that arrangement is that he intends to incorporate his business and draw as small a salary as possible. Our plan is to live off my income because I cannot incorporate. It sounds like this would have the effect of excluding almost all of his income from the communal pot.
Seeing as we are 3 weeks out, and he just began the process (who knows when his lawyers will even have a first draft!), I do not think it will be possible to complete all the due diligence and negotiation required. It is also stressful to add this on top of everything else that has to be done in the next 3 weeks.
I would still agree to sign a contract after the wedding day, without all the rush and pressure.
WIBTJ if I said no to signing before the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Smart move coming up with this so close to the wedding. You are being railroaded into giving away most of your rights.
A complex issue that has to have been planned and prepared some time ago. A question of honesty and openness here….. By making his salary seem small on paper and protecting his pension you are set to get very little following a divorce. And you might well have children to support.
I would suggest you make excuse after excuse to not sign today, haven’t read it yet, then tomorrow read it but don’t understand it all yet. Spin it out right up to the day. Then you’ll find out if he loves his money more than he loves you, for if he does he will get more and more desperate to get you to sign, or find an excuse to postpone the wedding.
If the pressure is stepped up or postponement suggested, you’ll know where you stand with him. In which case, walk away knowing you have had a lucky escape. Now, let me tell you about my unmarried son…” Chalky1949
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like an entirely one-sided prenup.
A good prenuptial agreement is drafted to protect the interests of both parties and it sounds like this only protects him. He wants to build assets that would be excluded from the marital estate while you’re paying for the lion’s share of day-to-day expenses in the marital home.
That’s madness. It’s highly suspicious that this is being sprung on you now, so close to the wedding. Could even be considered coercion. I wouldn’t sign it. I would find a lawyer who specializes in this area and have a fairer agreement drawn up, and if my betrothed proved to be unwilling to make changes to give me some protection, I would have to reconsider the entire relationship.
NTJ.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please, please, please get your own lawyer. It seems very suspicious that he’s bringing this up only weeks before the wedding. Treat this like any business deal and make sure you are comfortable with the legalese before you sign anything.
Remember, while it might be hugely inconvenient, you are not obligated to get married to anyone at any time. Assuming you’re having a big wedding that you would be difficult to cancel or reschedule, maybe you can have the ceremony on the planned date, but put off signing any marriage documents until you’re both happy with the prenup and everything related to it is a done deal. Again, get your own representation.
Please, with sugar on top.” Reddit User
5. AITJ For Refusing To Split Groceries And Gas Costs With My Roommate After My Injury?
“I (20f) live with my best friend (19f), let’s call her Olivia. I recently tore my ACL in my right knee and was unable to drive. Olivia and I work together so we started carpooling to work and splitting the cost of gas. She also took me to a few doctor’s appointments when my mom (who lives over an hour away) was unable to.
Shortly after my injury, Olivia’s parents needed to borrow her car. Because she was driving me around, I let her drive my car. I didn’t mind that she used it to run her own errands, hang out with her partner, etc. because I felt bad that she had to drive me.
A month later, I have surgery to repair my ACL. My mom comes to take care of me for a few days after my surgery. Olivia agreed to take over for her when she left. I didn’t need much help but I needed her to hang out at the apartment after work for a few days.
The day before my mom is supposed to leave, she tells me that she plans on spending the next few nights at her partner’s house. I ask her why and remind her that she agreed to stay home to help those nights. She says that it’s not her responsibility to take care of me and that she needs some time to herself.
Without her help, I have no choice but to go stay with my mom.
Every night for the next week she posts pictures of herself and friends at our apartment. She eats out for dinner almost every night and goes on a shopping trip that weekend.
I keep contact with her to a minimum to give her some space. About a week later she asks me to send her money for half of the groceries she ordered. I explain to her that I won’t be coming home until next week so I won’t be eating any of that food.
She insists that I should still split them with her because she’s had to financially support herself for a week and wasn’t prepared to do so. I’m shocked by this reaction. We are both preschool teachers and don’t make very much money.
I’m also drowning in medical bills at this point and struggling to support myself. I tell her that I won’t be splitting the groceries with her because I can’t afford to pay for half of her meals for a week. She ignores this and asks if I will split gas with her instead.
I’m upset, frustrated, and feeling pressured to give her money. I tell her to let me know next time she fills up and agree to split it.
After that conversation, my mom tells me that I shouldn’t give her money. She points out that Olivia has been driving my car and would be paying for the gas herself if she was driving her own car.
Several days later Olivia asks again. I tell her that I won’t be giving it to her and explain why. She gets angry that I “went back on my word” and says I should pay for half of the gas because of all the things she’s done to help me since my injury.
Using her own words, I tell her that it’s not my responsibility to financially support her. She says that paying would be the kind thing to do. An argument ensues and now we aren’t speaking. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Some “friend” she is to you. It is completely ridiculous to expect you to pay for anything you are not personally using (like groceries when you aren’t there, or gas when you aren’t being driven anywhere). Sure, she helped you some after your surgery, but if that didn’t cost her any money to do, I don’t get why she would be basically asking you to pay her.
A best friend does favors for you when you’re in a bind and need some help without expecting payment, just that in the future if they’re in a bind that you would help them back. I’m curious to know what she did to “help” after your surgery and how that hindered her, but I’m not confident having that info would sway my decision.
Also, sounds like your friend is financially irresponsible, and that’s on her, not you. I don’t give money to financially irresponsible people (my in-laws being the prime example in my life….). I am financially responsible with my money — that’s why I’ve got money in the bank.
I intend to keep it.” ErinLynnInABox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why would you owe her money for food when you are not living there? Presumably, she can buy the amount of food that she would need to feed herself (one person) and not two people.
I imagine she wanted you to subsidize her buying more expensive food than she might otherwise have bought. Similarly, you don’t reimburse people for gas when they are driving their car (or your car) and you aren’t a passenger. You are only responsible for rent and utilities – e.g. the kind of expenses that are due whether you live there or not.
But certainly not for food. It is amazing to me that you even question whether you are a jerk” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her basic maths is worrying flawed for someone in education. When you are together you split the cost of groceries for 2 people.
So you each pay for one person to eat. She is home alone she still only has to pay for 1 person to eat. You being absent is not making any difference to her grocery costs. Even if we talked about economies of scale those don’t kick in until you are feeding at least 4 people… Her argument that she can’t afford to pay the share she normally pays might be because she spent it all entertaining guests but that is not your problem.” Whitestaunton
4. AITJ For Telling My Partner She's A Bad Cook Before She Met My Parents?
“A few days ago my partner and I (25F and 27M) planned to have dinner with my parents. I had originally planned that we go to a restaurant near their place, but my partner insisted that we invite them to her place and she cook for them.
I appreciated the offer but to be honest, she’s a pretty terrible cook. She’s cooked for me several times, and every time it goes wrong. She makes a huge mess in the kitchen and makes me help her clean, and she doesn’t like to follow recipes either so the food is always some weird concoction of things in her fridge, and is edible at best.
At first, I told her that my parents are sort of picky so it would be better if we go out and it would be less work for her, but she kept persisting. So finally I just had to tell her that her food wasn’t that great and she got super offended. It wasn’t the first time I criticized her food but I guess I never straight up told her it was bad.
She made a huge fuss and even wanted to cancel the dinner but I told her that my parents had been looking forward to it and we couldn’t just cancel, so she begrudgingly went. I haven’t heard from her since I dropped her off that night so she must be pretty upset.
I feel kind of bad but I also didn’t want to make her look bad in front of my parents, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, people need to know when they suck at cooking. It’s very fixable if she enjoys it, but if she thinks she is good when she is definitely not, then she’ll never take a step to improve.
I’ve known people who can make the same box of hamburger helper as me and their meal will taste like crap. I’ve known others who had parents who were just terrible cooks and they inherited it. They don’t know what good food is supposed to taste like.
It’s not hard to learn, but you have to want to learn and need to know you can’t cook.” HowFunkyIsYourChiken
Another User Comments:
“Some people lack any intuition about what goes together. I know someone who put garlic in brownies, for example. Another who would serve mashed potatoes on rice.
Yes, you read that correctly. Or they can’t figure out doneness – overdone pasta turning into amalgamated starch substance, meat you could use as the sole of a shoe, mixed vegetables that are all uniformly brown rather than their former orange, green, and yellow… or almost-raw chicken oozing pink all over the entire meal. And then there are the folks who can’t figure out seasoning.
A college roommate put cinnamon in tomato sauce, for example. Some people will oversalt EVERYTHING, or dump in far too much pepper or sage. Or they add no seasoning at all. If you happen across one of the poor people who does all of these?
That meal is gonna suuuuuuuck. So I too would have declined to have her cook for my parents, even if they weren’t picky. It would be placing them in the uncomfortable position of a) having to eat bad food, and b) having to lie about how good it was.
NTJ.” CJCreggsGoldfish
Another User Comments:
“My husband went to culinary school and he still ate every garbage meal I made before I actually learned how to cook. He always found something good about it to compliment even if he told me straight up he didn’t like it.
We started cooking together and he would give me tips without being overbearing. When I started to make food that was actually good he got excited with me that I was getting better at something I love to do. All of that is to say you’re not necessarily wrong but YTJ.
Relationships are about honesty, yes, but they are also about helping your partner grow and be happy. Telling her you would be embarrassed for your parents to eat her food probably put her off a hobby that she likes but just isn’t good at yet.
Which is where we all start and we need support to help us get through that phase. If you could have mentioned ahead of time to your parents that she’s not a great cook but she’s excited about it so please be nice, that would have been better.
If you don’t think that your parents would have been kind, that’s an issue between you and them, not you and your partner. If I were her, I would want an apology. Not because being honest is the wrong thing to do, but because you were unkind with your honesty and off base with your priorities.” hunterofhunters7
3. AITJ For Cooking Leftovers For My Partner's Dinner?
“I (27 f) cooked my partner (41 m) “scraps” for dinner.
We need to go grocery shopping but have leftovers in the fridge from last night which I assumed would be eaten this evening. These leftovers are uncooked burger patties, pasta salad, and grilled corn.
At 7 pm this evening my partner asked what I was making for dinner. I reminded him of the leftovers. He said I was throwing a hissy fit over not wanting to cook him a good meal. Then he said he’d probably just eat crackers or something and he’d have to figure it out himself.
Then he fell back asleep.
After he fell asleep I felt horrible so I cooked up some rice, ground beef, peppers, onions, grilled some fresh corn and mixed it all together with some homemade chipotle sauce then baked it with some cheese to melt.
When I presented it to him he wouldn’t even taste it.
He asked if I got fresh ingredients at the store or just used what we had. I told him I cooked everything fresh but it was bought yesterday. The corn hadn’t been cooked before, the pepper hadn’t been cooked before, etc. it was all extra ingredients that I hadn’t used yesterday.
He then told me I ruined his night further by not listening to him and letting him make his “cracker meal” and a horrible partner for trying to serve him “scraps.” I insisted that it’s not scraps but he kept yelling “scraps” and told me to leave him alone to “starve.”
Should I have played this differently, was I really that bad for making him this? Or AITJ for not listening to his cracker thing? Or is he just in a mood and being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! My God, doesn’t everyone eat leftovers?
Sounds like he’s the one throwing a hissy fit, and if he wanted more than crackers why didn’t he make it himself? I don’t know why you wanted to appease this jerk by going ahead and making another meal, which he groused about anyway. If doesn’t appreciate your cooking, tell him to make his own meals.
This man sounds like he is taking advantage of you. I’d break up with him. He is not a nice person.” stroppo
Another User Comments:
“Please run as quickly as you can. He is 41 years old and can’t fix a meal for himself and complains when you cook for him.
What you cooked was completely fine, what world does he live in where food needs to be bought the same day that it’s cooked?! He knows that it spends time on the grocery store shelves before being bought, right?! He sounds immature, demanding and honestly abusive.
He’s picking a fight over nothing and being controlling. The age difference is concerning as well. Please look after yourself. NTJ.” Blue_wine_sloth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I hate to be that guy but you should not be with this dude. It’s obvious from this post he already has a bad effect on you.
Love should be shared both ways. He obviously doesn’t reciprocate any. Being his servant in a way he doesn’t like is a horrible reason to argue that you don’t love him. I don’t know your history with him and how hard it would be but it would be in your best interest to get out asap.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Stop Sharing His Location With His Mom?
“My husband’s mom lives about three hours away. I’ve talked to him about this before because sometimes his mom calls him when we’re together at an out-of-norm location.
Like we go one town over to grab something or if we’re on vacation she checks where we’re at.
My husband is a doctor so sometimes he works long hours without replying. He’s an ED doc. He’s obviously busy.
But I want to ask him to stop sharing his location constantly because it makes me uncomfortable that she is kind of keeping tabs on us.
Even if it’s not like in a malicious way.
He doesn’t want to have to talk to his mom about stopping the location sharing because he knows she will cry and freak out.
Am I the jerk for asking him to stop sharing his location with his mom because I think it’s creepy?”
Another User Comments:
“Against the grain but YTJ, almost my whole family has each other on Find My Friends. We use it partially because we’re all a little nervous/frequent travelers. It’s mostly used to bust balls in practice i.e. “You said you were on your way but clearly you’re still home.” If she’s just checking it to calm her nerves why does that bother you?
It doesn’t affect you at all. If she had used it to show up unannounced I could see it as a violation of privacy. I can see you setting a hard line on the calling constantly. Like “hey if she keeps calling no more location sharing.” It seems more like the issue is that he’s answering calls when you are together, than her simply being able to know where he is.” WhichSuspect7839
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your MIL clearly has issues. It’s odd and a little invasive but the situation could be much worse. If she wasn’t able to track your husband, she might resort to bombarding him with calls and texts to get the same info.
Your husband is willing to accept having his location shared as a means to help her deal with her anxiety. The idea of this seems to bother you but it doesn’t really affect you. So, it’s probably best to let this one go.
You will, unfortunately, have more serious conflicts especially if you follow through with having kids.” Mermaidtoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ not because of the principle of sharing location, but the way his mom is using it. By abusing the access she gets to lose it.
She is projecting her anxiety issues onto her son in an invasive manner. I think it’s relatively normal these days to share locations with close loved ones for convenience (help my car broke down and I need a pick-up) or safety (can’t locate relative after hours of looking or an accident happened).
The problem is that she uses it to keep tabs on her son by constantly checking it and demanding updates if there is anything out of the ordinary. You are NOT obligated to share every detail of your life with her, and for her to expect that of her grown, married child is inappropriately invasive and unreasonable.
The thing is that because you are married it’s not just about him anymore. Her constantly checking his location often means constantly gathering information about you, which you have a right to not be comfortable with. She can now ask oh where/when are you on vacation?
Oh my son is in x place, why are/aren’t you with him? Why are you out so late? How come you are home when you said you couldn’t come do x thing for me I thought you were too busy? No. You have a right to not have your privacy invaded without your consent, which is what this is.” stormtatsu
1. AITJ For Backing Out Of A Vacation After Friends Invited Their Entire Family?
“My wife and I go to Disney every year for an anniversary trip. We were also married there, so it’s fair to assume we’re “those” people. However, we don’t focus on our anniversary when we go besides dinner the day of. Just a nice little memory lane thing…
Anyway, we’re all getting older now and for a while we’ve always told our friends we’d want to take them and their kids to the parks once they’re big enough. Lo and behold we get approached by our closest friends who basically give the green light that they’re ready.
So we start planning, looking at places, all that stuff.
A week goes by and everything’s pretty settled out. We know the details just need to click purchase. Then it’s dropped on us they invited their entire family. And then it’s established they won’t want to go without their extended family.
Blindsided us and brought in some anxiety because of planning. Eventually, we manned up and said we’re not interested in making this a grand family vacation. We’ve been saying for a while now we want to share something we love dearly with our friends and their kids, but this is a little much for us.
Not to mention the head count makes logistics a nightmare.
So we back out of going together and say we’ll do our own thing. Now there’s awkwardness and tension. I was genuinely upset for a couple of days. Probably some (wrong) interpretations occurring of how we feel about their family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, no question. They’re taking advantage of generosity and that’s the problem, not your unwillingness to let them. You’re fully justified in not wanting to be a part of that, and if they can’t see why there’s a problem then it really rather speaks to their sense of manners and fair play.
Beyond that, we’re talking about an annual anniversary trip that they basically decided to use as a vehicle to launch a major family vacation – which isn’t what you signed up for or offered. There’s a vast difference between “you can come with us” and bringing an entire family along.
It’d be like inviting a couple of coworkers out for drinks and they insist on bringing the entire company along. “Rude” is the nicest way to put it. There are more colorful, more accurate ways to say it. Have fun on your anniversary. Congratulations and the best of wishes to you both!” thatscifiwriterguy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The friends overstepped their boundaries and felt that because they were invited, they were entitled to do anything they wanted which is not true. When different households agree to go away together, decisions need to be made together so they should have at least asked you how you would feel about it (especially when they weren’t organizing it!).
To be honest, it sounds like they saw this as an opportunity to have their own big family holiday without having to plan anything themselves, and let you do all the work, on the assumption that you’d be too nice to do anything about it.
You’re 100% right in backing out of it, if they want a big family holiday, they can plan and go themselves.” Proud_Fee_1542
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think anyone who makes a plan and then reveals information that fundamentally changes the dynamic at a point where it would be hard to cancel or stop the ball, is a jerk.
They made the plan to invite all these other people without your consent, there should be awkwardness intention. And it doesn’t matter how it’s construed about how you feel about their family, the incident wouldn’t have occurred if they weren’t violating your boundaries. Really whenever people sneak in extra people on a trip it’s to use someone else to make a trip cheaper for all those other people in themselves.
You are not the jerk for backing out and being mad about it.” JCBashBash
