People Seek Revelations In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Snapping At My Sister After She Used My Paints Without Permission?
“So I live with my parents, sister, and two brothers. I am very close with all my siblings but not my parents.
My parents have a favorite child and we all know it. They favor my sister, me and my two brothers love my sister though we resent her for the way our parents favor her. My parents don’t outright say they like her more but brag about her achievements to all our family while good grades and big milestones from me and my brothers are met with apathy.
I don’t mind the fact that we are ignored as I like to sit in my room and paint by myself.
Growing up, my sister hated when we would share hobbies, she’d get mad at us for ‘taking her thing’ and our parents would often take her side and agree with her saying that we shouldn’t try and outshine her and her love for something, even if I or my brothers discovered our passion for it first.
A few weeks back, I bought some really good paints for myself and put them in my room, I started using them and left my room to go and do some homework but when I got back my paints were gone, I was looking everywhere for them and when I passed my sisters room, my paints were a mess on a piece of paper.
She was painting something but I couldn’t help but feel mad as she’d taken something that was mine and made a mess of it. (Her painting was good but she used more paint than necessary so it smeared and wasted a lot of the paints which I’d bought with my own money) I took the paints back and I snapped at her, telling her to leave my stuff alone.
My father defended my sister and told me to let her paint with my stuff.
I tried to explain that they were my paints and she used all of my good supplies but my sister started shouting over me, saying I just didn’t want her to paint.
I started yelling back and my dad just sent us to our rooms. I love my sister but she can be so horrible and it’s not fair of her to take my stuff, she called me a jerk and my brothers defended me and told her that she had no right to take my things so now she won’t talk to me or my brothers, at first I thought I was in the right but the more time passes where she doesn’t talk to me, the more I feel I’m in the wrong but I need another opinion!”
Another User Comments:
“You are not in the wrong here, your parents are. Your parents, unfortunately, have decided to have a favorite child. That is not fair to any of you. My father and mother each grew up in a household with a favorite child.
My parents are both messed up because of it. The favorite children are both messed up now too. Parents should treat their children fairly and love them all. I have no advice to offer, unfortunately, but know that this wasn’t your fault.” theapenrose006
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell both your sister and your parents that you bought these paints with your OWN money and she had no business going into your room and taking your belongings without asking permission. She can paint all she wants, but she needs to get her supplies or have your parents get them for her.
Tell them that you’ve moved over enough in life for her, but won’t excuse her bad behavior. If necessary, I’d find a hiding place or lock them up.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You bought those paints with your own money. You could try and confront your parents to at least get reimbursed, but it sounds like they won’t be too receptive to that.
Especially NTJ because you said that your sister has reacted to a similar issue before. You are not in the wrong here.” pretentious_tea
22. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Notarize Our Rent Agreement?
“So I am renting a shared home with two other girls. Girl A signed the lease with the owner of the home and then sought out two roommates to split the rent with. We all moved in around the same time.
We signed an agreement stating rules, bills, etc. I gave her the first month’s rent before I moved in, and she told me upon moving that as long as she gets my security deposit (she wants me to pay a portion of what she paid the landlord) before the end of the lease we’re good.
I was like wow great I appreciate the flexibility.
The other day we had an ugly share of words because the day the rent was due (mind you, I’ve never been late with my portion of our bills), she was up my behind and being rude about me paying through text/phone call.
I had a busy day and was just waiting to get home from work to pay. I usually pay rent a few days early, but this month, I needed the entire 30-day cycle to pay my share. She said that she’d have me removed by the police and that what I signed didn’t matter because it wasn’t notarized. I was like what are you talking about?
She said I don’t have legal rights to be here. This was all coming from left field. I wasn’t even late, it was the literal day the rent was due and I never have been late so I’m not sure why she was talking to me like that and threatening to have me removed by the police.
After she said that I tried to talk to her about what she said and how she acted but she wouldn’t acknowledge or respond to me. So I made up my mind to just ignore her moving forward, and continue to pay my rent until the lease ends.
Here’s the thing though, about a month ago she asked me to pay the security deposit in installments. So I said sure that works for me. This month, she said what she said about our agreement being meaningless because it wasn’t notarized, so I then asked her to get it notarized before I give her the security deposit because I want some form of security to know that she’s not going to threaten me on a whim since I don’t have “legal rights to be here.” I’m not understanding how the agreement I signed and the fact that I’ve been living here for 6 months and paying my rent on time means nothing.
She says she’s not going to get it notarized and I either give her the entire deposit today or leave. I told her to simply get it notarized and I’ll pay her no problem. But she keeps refusing to.
I just want her to acknowledge on paper that it’s a security deposit that will be returned at the end of the lease, all the usual legal stuff.
I didn’t even consider the notary thing until she made it clear that in her eyes, our agreement was meaningless since it wasn’t notarized. AITJ? Need help please.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.. moved out yesterday… Firstly the police aren’t going to do a thing.. it’s a civil matter and they will tell her she needs to evict you.
secondly, some places give an approximate 3-5 day grace period.. do not under any circumstances give her a security deposit.. the lease is in her name and you are paying rent to her.. you will never see that money from her again and she will use it to skip out on you when the lease is up..
you are a legal tenant in almost every state from the time you received mail or up to 30 days after you moved in..” GuyFromLI747
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t know what the laws are in your area but I have a friend who shares an apartment (basically a split-up house) with 4 other people.
Once moved in, two turned out to be squatters (not paying rent). She had to get a lawyer and it took a few months for the eviction (still not sure if they got evicted as I haven’t seen her in a while). Regardless of the squatter law, you have a signed rental agreement, presumably your mail is going to that location, so the cops can’t do anything in terms of eviction and will consider it a civil matter.
I definitely wouldn’t give anything for the security deposit if it isn’t in the written lease (she sounds rather shady).” Zoreb1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You need a lawyer. You do not have lease protections unless you have an actual lease, and a notarized agreement is not a substitute for a lease.
All the notary does is verify that you are the person named and signing the document. They DO NOT verify that the document is legally binding. If you can move out, you should.” StudioRude1036
21. AITJ For Snapping At My Sister Over Her Disapproval Of My Subject Choices?
“I (15m) was picking up my sister (17f) from her partner’s house. Let’s call her A. I asked her how it was and she said that it was fine (I only know now that it was in an annoyed tone because I’m autistic and have trouble telling tones).
I started talking to my mom (driver) about my subject choices for next year. I am going into grade 10 and need to pick subjects to do (this excludes English, Afrikaans, and LO as they are compulsory).IA heard this and asked what I would be taking.
I said pure maths, physics, drama, and art. She then went on a whole talk about how drama was a terrible choice and I was making a mistake choosing it. She said that I wasn’t going to use it because I could never get into acting.
She doesn’t know that I want to get into acting and voice acting. She justifies herself by saying that I can’t get into acting because I can’t lie and hide it. A said that her school doesn’t even offer it anymore because it was useless.
I then snapped and said that she has no say in what I do in my life and that her school doesn’t offer drama anymore because no one cares for it there. I do admit that that wasn’t a nice thing to say and I regret saying it.
I started getting teary-eyed and didn’t say anything after that. A said that I should be taking bio instead because it was useful. My mom said that I could choose anything I wanted and that I hated bio (I am terrible at it). They started arguing back and forth about my life and I can’t remember much after that (I was dissociating and very overwhelmed).
It ended in silence the rest of the way home. As soon as we got home I went to my bedroom and crocheted until like 9 pm (creativity is my main coping mechanism). I am typing this the day after this happened and feel bad for what happened.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your life, your decision. Your sister is entitled to her opinion but is not entitled to pressure you into something you don’t want. Taking a subject that you don’t like and are bad at makes zero sense. You are just going to have a hard time all year and get bad grades.
Being autistic is already exhausting enough, don’t make your life pointlessly harder. Your sister probably wants the best for you, but there are things she cannot understand. And, by the way, you are already doing math and physics, which are very “useful” subjects if, in the end, you want to take another route in life than acting.
You will be fine.” Conscious_Way_6366
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are right she has no say in what you choose now or in life. My daughter (18) is autistic and started crocheting at about your age she now has a business helping her with college doing what she enjoys and helping her ground.
You do you and enjoy.”Rachel Beanee
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Change My Dance Outfit To Appease My Friend?
“I’m a 17-year-old female, and my friend and I decided to be partners for a big school dance.
It’s not prom since I don’t live in America, but it’s the first formal dance where people dress up. I bought a pretty blue dress a while ago and sent my friend (who’s my partner) a picture of it. I was excited to hear her thoughts, but she got upset because her dress was also blue.
She assumed I’d choose a different color. I didn’t think it would be a big deal since I loved the dress, it was the only one that fit, and my mom also liked it.
I thought we’d moved past that, but now she’s telling me what accessories I can and can’t wear because she’s already planned to wear them.
She also told me not to wear my hair up because that’s how she’s styling hers. I explained that this day was important to me too and I wouldn’t follow her “rules.” I also said she could find another partner if that would make her more comfortable.
I didn’t mean to sound rude, but she took it that way.
Now, she’s sent me a picture of herself crying and a voice message where she’s sobbing and asking why I’d say something like that. I feel terrible because I care about her a lot and have shared so much with her, but I feel like she’s misunderstanding me.
Her reaction is overwhelming, and I feel pressured to constantly avoid upsetting her. I’m not sure how to handle this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend doesn’t have the patent on the color blue. There will be others wearing blue at the dance.
I do, however, caution you for adding in the unnecessary info about your depression and medication. Don’t let her gaslight you into believing this is your problem in any way. Have fun and go by yourself if need be.” National_Pension_110
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She doesn’t own the color blue, the style of hair, accessories, or YOU. You’re too concerned about her feelings while she’s not concerned about yours at all. Dress as you want. If she doesn’t want to go with you, go alone. But do not let her bully you into changing what you like.
This is your prom, too.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Planning A Las Vegas Wedding Despite Family's Reluctance?
“My fiancé (M26) and I (F26) have been engaged for 3 years.
We have always agreed that getting married in the UK is expensive and neither of us wants a ‘big’ wedding. A few weeks ago we decided that a Las Vegas wedding was the perfect wedding for us. Not taking place until 2027 and during Vegas’ ‘off-peak’ season.
We decided to tell our immediate family straight away, this way they could save enough money to come and arrange any childcare. My family is super supportive and excited. They send me various Las Vegas wedding pictures and just want to talk about it all the time!
They treat my future husband like family and would do anything for us. My fiancé’s family, however, were not so happy.
His Brother-in-Law is his best friend and his sister is my best friend. Together they share two children, aged 6 and 3. When we told them about our wedding plans and invited them along, they instantly started worrying about money.
To ease their minds, my partner and I did all of the research and came up with a reasonable price for the two of them to come along. Please bear in mind that we have given them 3 years to save, for this exact reason.
They have been extremely negative about this whole situation and keep coming up with more excuses not to come.
We want them to attend, as they are our family and best friends. My partner has even offered to pay for them to come out of his own pocket, that’s how much we want them there. But they still won’t budge! We have also spoken to another family who are more than happy to babysit the kids for them.
We feel extremely unsupported and upset about their decision, especially my fiancé.
The two of us have decided to still go ahead with our dream Vegas wedding. Are we the jerks for having a wedding in Vegas without them?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for pressuring them.
When you have a destination wedding you need to accept that some people won’t be able to come or be willing to prioritize saving for it, won’t want to leave their kids, etc. And long you are giving them to save for it is not relevant if they are unwilling to earmark funds for the trip.
Drives me crazy when people bring this up. You all need to calm down. This isn’t even happening for three years. Check back in with them in two years.” Glittering_Joke3438
Another User Comments:
“I’m very confused because it sounds like you and your family are living in the UK.
How is throwing an international wedding with an 11-hour flight easier and cheaper than eloping or having a small celebration where you live? Besides that, I think this is barely still no jerks here, but you need to now accept that the answer will likely remain no. Stop trying to “solve” the issue and respect their answer.
Personally, if I were your brother-in-law I think I would want one person to go and stay with the kids. However, if that would cause more drama than happiness I would likely flat-out decline as well.” EmpressJainaSolo
18. AITJ For Getting Engaged And Announcing It 9 Months Before My Sister's Wedding?
“I (36m) recently proposed to my (26f) fiancée. We have been friends for a few years and together as a couple for over a year now and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever had.
My family lives across the country from me, and is not particularly close, nor do we all talk very often. I let them know ahead of time I was going to propose and then told them when the proposal happened. While calling a few family members, I was concerned about not letting my younger sister (33f) know that I had proposed. My sister got engaged in July of last year to her partner of 2 years (33m) and is having a wedding in October of this year.
Last week, a month after the proposal, my fiancée and I posted about the engagement on our social media pages. I used a poem to express that I loved her and posted a picture of the proposal which had been taken by the staff at the venue we went to.
I have been told by my family that this is inappropriate and that I am doing too much. I was told the only possible reason I had for getting engaged and posting on social media was to get attention for myself, not because I wanted to marry my fiancée.
My sister feels I am stealing all the excitement and attention away from her wedding. They believe there should be a much longer wait in between her wedding and when I can get engaged.
I had factored in her wedding being in October when I decided to propose and did it in January to make sure that it was far away from her big day.
In addition, I will not be having a wedding and will be eloping sometime in 2025 instead.
AITJ for getting engaged 9 months before my sister’s wedding? Was it inappropriate to post about it on social media?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can propose any time you want.
If more people are giving you attention than her then it says more about her than it does you. You would be the jerk if you decided to get married like the day after your sister, but you don’t.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Sister is delusional, you can tell her she’s out of line if she thinks friends and family can’t be happy for two people at a time. If anyone in the family complains, tell them “I’m excited about fiancée, sue me.” If you’re feeling more conciliatory, you might explain that 7/2023 – 10/2024 is a year and three months.
You don’t think that sister’s upcoming wedding should block everyone else she knows from getting engaged for that long. You might also remind sister that you’re planning to elope, hence your plans should not interfere with her wedding stuff anyway.” akaioi
17. AITJ For Not Being Upfront About Possible Changes To Our Trip Plans?
“Last week, I (28F) had an outpatient diagnostic procedure that required mild anesthesia in a big-city hospital, 2.5 hours away from my home.
The hospital required a driver, so my friend (30F) offered to drive me, wait outside during the procedure, and drive back. She even offered to do that in one da and help me save money from lodging since I am living off my savings while trying to figure out chronic fatigue and focus issues Also, she had to take time off and she is meeting a tight deadline so she would rather be home sooner than later.
I had my eyes on an afternoon performance for a while (she had not heard about it), so I asked if we could stay one night in the city and watch the performance. She said she was okay either way. I offered to pay for our tickets, and she politely refused but I insisted. She agreed and said she insisted to split all other expenses and buy us brunch in that case.
So, expenses were split as follows: we split hotel, parking, and gas (she even rounded up her share of those). She paid for brunch, and I paid for performance -so we paid equal amounts. All seemed fine but the day after we came back she told me that she was disappointed that I accepted equal split money for all other expenses without telling her we might not make it to the performance.
My excuse (besides waiting for the lottery) was that an acquaintance had died and I thought there might be a chance I could attend their funeral. In that case, we would need to come back early morning the day after. The funeral was private after all so we could stay.
She said I could have been upfront about it, and in that case, she would have asked to drive back on the same day and would not have footed an expensive hotel bill and all other expenses for a trip that had nothing to do with her at such a busy time for her.
I thought that since she did not care about the performance either way she would be fine and that that was a fair arrangement, but now, I am wondering. She also said that this made her realize an overall pattern in our dynamic, me making plans for both without asking and she cannot unnotice it now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She offered to drive there and back in one day to save you money. Then you added in a show and hotel, adding to the expenses when you weren’t even sure if you’d see the show. It sounds like you did see the show but somewhere along the way made it known that you had your friend extend her trip (while on a tight deadline) for a “maybe.” She’s right.
You should have been upfront and you were rude.” 78october
Another User Comments:
“So wait – you wanted to stay only for a performance of live theater, that you didn’t even end up going to? And suddenly there is talk of a funeral that you didn’t bring up with her?
YTJ. She was doing you a massive favor by taking a day off, driving you around, and then accommodating a change of plans for a show you said you wanted to go to, then didn’t. She clearly said she had a deadline and wanted to be home, but stayed because you said you wanted to attend this show.
This was a major jerk move.” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – It appears to make the performance, which from your original post was not clear, which would have only made you MORE of a jerk. It seems clear that this was a friend who took time out of her busy schedule to do you a favor and support you.
You knew she would have rather come home sooner rather than later. You then asked her to change the day trip to an overnight. That puts her in a position that would make her feel crappy by saying no. Only for her to learn that you weren’t even sure of going in the first place.
You should have been upfront with her, so you could have discussed it properly.” Ok-Acanthaceae5744
16. AITJ For Requesting A New Computer To Go On A Family Vacation I'm Not Interested In?
“I 32M was invited to a week-long family vacation by my mother 65 that would be paid for but I would have to stay the whole week in Disney World, which I am not at all interested in.
Some context: My mother is now living with my sister(43F) and her 3 kids ages 6f, 17m, and 22f, and she takes time to visit me at least once a year, I never go visit them because I never have. My older sister and older brother 42M have the same father and growing up they mostly lived with his family and I was alone with my mother on the opposite side of the country.
She would go visit them several times a year but I rarely saw them every couple of years, besides my brother who did end up moving back in with us while I was in high school. I wouldn’t say I have a bad relationship with my siblings but not much of one exists in the first place, due to the age gap and the distance.
I can think of a total of 2 times growing up that I was actually with my sister’s family to visit and for those visits, I spent more time with her cousins or her baby than I ever did with her.
Honestly, I would say including my cousins I don’t have a relationship with anybody in my family as I was never really around them, my mother would still visit them yearly as I was growing up but I was often left at home being watched by mother’s friends who I also barely knew.
I hope this gets across that I don’t have any kind of relationship either positive or negative with my siblings or their family.
My relationship with the mother is not great but I don’t think it’s strained or anything. I would like to say I was raised by a single mother but I spent most of my life taking care of myself, usually alone.
Since I was 7 I have been doing my cooking and laundry and just taking care of myself, it was honestly more frustrating when she would leave me with random people instead of letting me continue to take care of myself when she would leave to visit family.
I do much better alone and now spend most of my days alone as I find people stressful and have found out in the past few years I am autistic and that might also have something to do with it. (Mother doesn’t believe me when after giving her the information and evidence on that.)
I hope that is enough context to give an opinion on this. When she visited last summer she was telling me to use a week of my vacation for the fall of 2024 so I could go with the family to Disney World, paid for I think by her partner but she always just drops names like she’s introduced me to this person before.
She knows I don’t like amusement parks or crowded places. I understand that this is meant to be a family vacation but I have never been invited on one before and do not see a reason to go to one now. She kept pushing the matter and I told her that if she could meet my bribe I would go (a brand new computer set up, I know it is a price she could afford given her job but I also knew she was not likely to meet the price.) AITJ for not going?”
Another User Comments:
“Just turn the vacation down. What the heck, you want to be “bribed” to go on an all-expenses-paid vacation? Now, to me, a week at Disney sounds like a little slice of a bad place. And probably to you, too. In which case *you can decline the offer*.
YTJ for wanting a computer out of them, too.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. To be clear, you don’t need to go on a holiday that doesn’t interest you, or see your family if you don’t want to. However, trying to get paid with a brand-new gaming computer to spend time with your mother on a fully paid holiday makes you a jerk.
Just make up some excuse about not being able to get time off work if you’re not interested, don’t try to use your mother’s desire to see you as a way to get expensive gifts out of her.” Elivercury
15. AITJ For Refusing To Watch My Brother's Cat While Pregnant?
“I (30F) am pregnant as a single woman.
My family is taking a trip to Europe for two weeks when I’ll be 34-36 weeks pregnant. When my parents went away, I watched their two dogs and I offered to watch them again during this trip. They are easy dogs and I’m local so I don’t have a problem with this.
I walk them but they can also go in the yard if I’m not up to it, and they are happy to just sit with me for the most part so I don’t think it will be a huge deal watching them while pregnant.
I stay at my parents’ house while pet sitting and this arrangement has always worked well for all of us.
My brother who lives about 6 hours away by car got a cat about 2 years ago. My brother is socially awkward and doesn’t have a wide friend network.
He will be taking the trip with my parents (they will be paying for him). He’ll drive to my parents’ house and then fly out with them. Recently, I was with my mom and I asked her who would watch the cat. She stammered that my brother wasn’t able to ask anyone else and so they were thinking he would drive up here with the cat and I would watch it.
Neither of them thought to ask me. I have no idea when they would have been sprung on me if I didn’t ask. I was caught off guard and to be honest, I don’t want to watch the cat. I love cats and he’s cute but he has a lot of medical needs.
He needs an injection and an oral medication every day. He’s on a very restrictive diet, meaning I’d have to make sure to be available to feed him on his schedule. I work nights and don’t want to have to set an alarm at 8 months pregnant to wake up to feed the cat.
Pregnant women also aren’t able to scoop litter boxes so I’d have to hire someone to come in for that. The cat is also extremely anxious around dogs so he would be set up in the guest room, which is upstairs so it’s out of the way.
I have already been having back pain, pelvic pain, and ligament pain for a while (I’m now 25 weeks) so I can only imagine it’s going to get worse, and caring for this cat will be a challenge.
I told my mom I didn’t think this was a good idea and she told me I was wrong to not make my brother’s life easier.
I offered to help look for pet sitters in my brother’s area, which would benefit everyone because he wouldn’t have to travel with the cat, but she asked my brother, and he felt it would be too awkward for him. The way I look at it, he’s being lazy.
A free vacation isn’t a hardship and as an adult, there’s no reason he can’t make alternate preparations. There’s no reason he can’t hire a cat sitter and I think my mom is coddling him too much and he’s being selfish to want his pregnant sister to watch the cat.
He’s had the cat for 2 years and this trip has been planned since August. I feel that there was plenty of time to make arrangements. I’m annoyed that he didn’t take the initiative to do that and I’m also hurt that my mother went behind my back to offer me up as a cat sitter when I’ll be so far along.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you’ve got a LOT of leverage over Mom here, you should use it! Here’s the magic sentence: “Mom, I’ve been thinking a lot about this cat thing and it’s made me realize I probably won’t be up to taking care of *any* pets…” Watch how fast the argument turns from “you should do this for your brother” to “oh cats are terrible, but my dogs are so much easier than that cat.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. No one should expect anyone to watch their pet without asking first. It’s a big commitment to another person that usually uproots the watcher’s life for whatever the period is. That’s why pet sitting is a business. I suggest if your parents are financially capable of paying for the trip they can pay for boarding the kitty.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not able to scoop the litter box, so you’d need to hire someone. Someone needs to be hired either way, and it’s your brother’s cat. The way they’re taking you for granted is a problem. You’re right that they had plenty of time to make arrangements, and you’re right that neither one of them cares how inappropriate it is to just impose on you.
And they were not even going to give you fair warning!” mifflewhat
14. AITJ For Telling My Colleague That My Friend Is Two-Timing Him?
“My friend—let’s call her Amy—has a habit of seeing multiple guys at once without their knowledge.
A while back, I introduced her to a colleague of mine, Mike, who’s also a friend. Mike wanted to hang out while Amy was visiting me.
At the time, Amy was in a relationship, but we all hung out together and had a good time. A few days later, Amy went out to meet some other friends and came back the next morning. She told me she’d actually gone out with Mike and stayed at his place.
I was uncomfortable because I knew her history and didn’t want Mike to get hurt. I told Amy how I felt, and she assured me she’d talk to Mike and that they wouldn’t go out again.
That was six months ago. Now, recently, Mike reached out to me.
He had moved to a different company after that incident, so we hadn’t been in touch. He told me that Amy had continued seeing him and had even asked him not to tell me, knowing I wasn’t comfortable with the situation. Mike reached out because he suspected Amy was being unfaithful to him.
I felt stuck. I knew Amy was still seeing another guy she planned to marry—a wealthy guy. My conscience kicked in, and I decided to tell Mike everything, including apologizing for not telling him sooner after the first time Amy went out with him.
After this, I decided to cut ties with Amy. I feel too old to deal with this kind of drama. However, Amy keeps saying I haven’t been a good friend and that I should’ve had her back.
So, did I do anything wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were open and honest about your feelings, and she lied to you and then conspired to keep you from learning the truth. You haven’t “betrayed her trust”, you have been yourself, and made sure she knew who that was. I would be proud to have handled this as well as you have.” chrestomancy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They are both adults and can see each other if they want. You frame it as “protecting your friend from a bad woman” and you just sound jealous. How long have you had a thing for Mike?” LeanOnGreen
13. AITJ For Venting To My Dad About My Stepmom's Unreasonable Expectations And Accusations?
“To give context, my SM is a really big clean freak.
To preface, we aren’t gross or anything, my SM cleans daily as my dad and I are the type to clean every Saturday weekly.
This all happened this weekend, my SM told me to clean my room & bathroom on Friday, and I did it just as I was told because she was going to deep clean Saturday and didn’t want any disturbances.
I cleaned with no issue, I did notice that one of the electric cleaning brushes we have to clean showers was broken so I told her the issue so she wouldn’t think I broke it and accuse me. During the weekend, she just kept accusing me of breaking things, got mad over a strand of hair on the floor, and just things like that.
I have always taken all of her scolds and never complained. I had never told my dad about it before because I didn’t want to cause problems, but I was tired of being accused of things and being at the receiving end of things. All the times she accused me of something that I didn’t do I stayed quiet and took it, all the times she had problems with my dad I would always go to him and try to make the situation better, I always respected her, and always tried to be a good stepdaughter.
We had a conversation where I apologized to her for being distant and I told her that I wanted to improve our relationship just a few weeks ago. I even got her a Valentine’s Day gift but I didn’t receive anything back.
Anyway, on Sunday I went to my dad and vented about my feelings.
I just wanted to rant since he’s the only person that I know who would listen to me.
I also had to tell him this outside of the house because we have cameras and the last time I tried to just slightly mention my stepmom she listened to our conversation and then interrupted us.
Again, she listened to a private conversation with my dad and me. So I vented to him and he said he would talk to her.
For the next few days, I noticed that when I tried to talk to her, she wouldn’t talk to me at all.
I respected that and didn’t bother her.
Today, she took me aside and told me how she felt betrayed that I didn’t tell her how I felt and instead went and told my dad how I felt. I didn’t tell her it was because I was scared, and honestly, I just wanted to vent to my dad because he listened to me.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I can understand people being obsessive over things like cleaning (although they need to realize that it’s okay for other people to have different standards and not freak out over finding a hair). But humiliating you over things that aren’t your fault and accusing you of things you didn’t do?
That is NOT okay. I’m so sorry, and I hope your dad took to heart what you told him. You deserve a safe place to vent.” anonymom135
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ She’s not a healthy or good person. Spying on private conversations with your Dad.
Humiliating. False accusations. Bullying. Gaslighting. Obsessive focus on unrealistic expectations of cleanliness- a strand of hair on the floor? Again, I see no evidence that she is a healthy adult in any respect. Get out as soon as you can. Hope your dad has made you the beneficiary of any retirement accounts or assets should he pass before her.
And he should make you his POA in the unfortunate event he’s so ill he’s unable to pay bills or make medical decisions for himself. I wouldn’t trust her ever, let alone leave her with my child for a hot second.” Antelope_31
Another User Comments:
“First off, you’re absolutely not the jerk in this situation. Based on what you’ve shared, it seems like you’ve been walking on eggshells for a long time in this dynamic, trying to be accommodating and respectful to your stepmom (SM), even when she’s been unfair or overly critical toward you.
Venting to your dad isn’t an act of betrayal—it’s a normal and healthy way to process your feelings, especially if your stepmom has created an environment where you don’t feel safe sharing your frustrations directly with her. It sounds like the main issue here is your SM’s control over the household dynamic.
From her monitoring your conversations with your dad (via the cameras!) to getting upset over small things like a single strand of hair, her behavior comes off as hyper-controlling. That’s a lot of pressure to live under, and it makes sense that you’d turn to your dad for support instead of confronting her head-on.
Her reaction—saying she feels “betrayed”—seems more like deflection than anything else. She’s shifting the focus from her own behavior (which clearly caused you to feel frustrated enough to vent) to yours, making you feel guilty for not addressing her directly. But let’s be real: she’s given you little reason to feel comfortable having those conversations with her.
It sounds like any attempt to express your feelings might be met with defensiveness or more accusations. I do want to acknowledge that she probably sees herself as putting in a lot of effort to maintain the household, and maybe she interprets criticism or complaints as a lack of appreciation for her hard work.
But that doesn’t excuse the way she’s treating you. You’ve already gone above and beyond by trying to repair your relationship with her—apologizing for being distant, initiating a conversation about improving things, and even giving her a Valentine’s Day gift. The fact that she hasn’t reciprocated in meaningful ways speaks volumes about the imbalance in your relationship.” User
12. AITJ For Not Hand-Delivering My Husband's Cereal While Taking Care Of Our Baby?
“I (29F) had a longer day at work so I came home and started making dinner late.
My husband (29M) asked me when dinner would be ready so I told him it was going to take a while. He then asked if I could get him a bowl of cereal. I poured out the cereal and the milk and called for him to say that it was ready.
However, I don’t think he heard me since he had his headphones on in front of his computer. I could have called for him one more time. But our daughter (4 months F) began crying at the same time. It turned out I had to change her.
When I came back to the kitchen/living room area my husband asked if he could have the cereal. I said it’s been ready on the counter. He walked over and saw the cereal being soggy and became visibly upset with me. He said that no one wants to eat soggy cereals and they are disgusting.
The problem was, I had used the last bit of milk left, so I couldn’t have made him a new bowl. To me, soggy cereals are better soggy than crispy, but my husband thinks the opposite.
He began yelling at me, calling me lazy for not bringing it to him immediately.
I told him I wanted to, but I saw him playing a game, in the past when I tried to walk in front of him when he was gaming, he’d always get mad at me so I’ve learned not to do that. He then began making comments about how the house wasn’t as clean as before our daughter was born and how dinners had been getting simpler.
We were both raising our voices at this point, I told him how I wasn’t lazy, it was just that he didn’t understand how hard it was for me to balance a full-time job and being a new mom at the same time.
I told him since he had been unemployed since the very beginning of a certain period, that he should be then cleaning the house, cooking dinner, and taking care of our daughter from time to time. (I am solely breastfeeding, my daughter would not take bottles no matter what so I couldn’t pump.
My work allowed me to bring my baby into the office and they had a separate area for pumping and feeding). He then threw the cereal on the floor, picked up his car keys, and walked out of the house. I knew he did this because he had always been very sensitive about his unemployment.
A few minutes later he began spam-texting me about how selfish
I was for not wanting to take care of our daughter and how I “couldn’t stop bragging about the little things I do around the house”.
I feel like he was being mean and hurtful on purpose.
It is giving me a lot of emotional distress. But at the same time, I feel like all of this would have been solved if I just called for him one more time when the cereal was ready. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He wouldn’t have soggy cereal if he got it himself.
Quit waiting on him he can do stuff himself. He’s not sensitive about his unemployment, he doesn’t want you to say anything because he doesn’t want to work. This way he can get you to feel guilty and you quit saying things. He should have dinner ready and the house clean.
What is he doing all day? No more bullying you. Tell him to step up or stay gone. You don’t need two babies to take care of.” Less_Ordinary_8516
Another User Comments:
“NTJ No you’re not the jerk. You did your part you poured your man a bowl of cereal just like he asked. He knew you would call him once the serial was ready.
He didn’t do his part by hearing out for your calls. Not only that but how much effort does it take for him to pour his own cereal you’re already in the middle of making dinner so he expects you to make something to eat while you’re making dinner as well.
This is the crazy part so many guys have these women who are so good to them and they treat them like trash not cool at all that respect needs to be 100% mutual. You did your part and then some no need to even feel like the jerk here.” 3NCRYPT3D_R34P3R
Another User Comments:
“He’s been unemployed for 4 years, makes zero contribution to the house, and gets mad at you for wanting him to change a diaper? The man-child you’re married to needs a wake-up call. NTJ. If you didn’t have the kid, I’d tell you to walk away and never look back.
I have a 4-month-old too. I also game. I never wear my headphones anymore, so I can keep an ear out for him if he needs anything. Sometimes I put him on my lap while I hold the controller. ” R4eth
11. AITJ For Posting Our Eviction Notice On My Roommate's Door After Her Unregistered Pet Got Us In Trouble?
“I (23f) moved across the country with my best friend (22f) around August of last year. I was the one primarily looking for somewhere to live and the housing market where we moved kind of sucks so there were only so many affordable rentals and most do not allow pets unless they are a service animal or ESA.
I have a cat (for I have an ESA letter and she has a cat and a dog. She said it wouldn’t be an issue and that she would get an ESA letter for her dog.
When we moved we were getting settled and I forgot about the situation until someone saw her leave the house with the dog and reported us to property management.
She told management that the dog was visiting and she made a doctor’s appointment for November.
I thought everything was fine until about a week ago I got a text from her that said something along the lines of “just met the owners (of the house), they saw the dog” 20 minutes before she left for work.
I immediately responded “Oh? What happened?” and got nothing back which is fine she was at work.
When I got home a few hours later there were 2 different notices on our door, one was a 10-day notice to fix the problem and the other was a 60-day notice to terminate the tenancy.
I perceived this as we have 60 days to get out of the house. (It turns out they just aren’t renewing our lease but I didn’t find this out until days later when I called property management.) So, I sent her a picture of the notices.
I still didn’t hear anything back from her which is strange because I thought I’d get some clarification from her when she took her break.
Because I hadn’t heard anything back and it’s her dog I put the notices on her bedroom door.
Which, admittedly may have been a little petty on my part. Thirty minutes after she got off work she finally texted me back with the message “I just cried my whole shift.” I responded the next day (I was asleep when she texted me) with “I’m not sure what to say, how did this happen.”
She then responds with little explanation and says that she is extremely hurt that I would post the notice on her door and that after she had been crying and having panic attacks all day she was upset that her best friend who she moved across the country with would do this to her.
I was taken a bit aback and responded asking her to understand where I was coming from and how this situation would affect me but I did also apologize for posting the notice on her door. She made zero effort to take accountability or apologize about possibly getting us kicked out of our house and instead made excuses and then proceeded to say that if my first response to something stressful happening was to hurt her and not communicate with her then maybe we shouldn’t be friends.
I’m trying really hard to understand her side and I don’t mean to be hostile but I’m trying to fit a long text conversation into a short post. Also for clarification: I asked her to talk in person she said no that she wanted to text.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is all her fault. Tell her plainly and clearly that the eviction notices are her fault for failing to get her dog registered as an ESA. She can have her feelings, but this is all her fault. You are both being evicted because of her irresponsibility.
Her actions caused you harm.” samk2487
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is it possible to contact the manager and explain she told you she had turned in the paperwork and you thought everything was legal? Do you possibly have any texts or emails to back this up? Having the eviction on your record will make it much harder to rent a new place in the future.
I would work very hard to get distance between you and this eviction. ” Froggie949
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. This is entirely your roommate’s doing, and she is the one who must take steps (e.g., find a new home for the dog in 10 days).
When you’re looking for a new place, also get a new roommate who is truthful and reliable, and who can handle conversations. I’m sorry she’s put you in this position–but it is *not* on you, in any way (not even in making sure she saw the notices).
If possible, talk with the landlord and try to make sure that you (personally, not plural) don’t get an eviction or anything on your record. Protect yourself!” Tangerine_Bouquet
10. AITJ For Spending My Skate Rental Money On Cookies?
“Okay, so I am 15F and basically I was invited to go ice skating with my two friends (15F and 15F) who are twins for their birthday.
Background, my parents are divorced and I stay with my dad and stepmom (who are 34M and 34F) every other week/weekend and I stay with my mom and stepdad (who are 34F and 32M) the rest of the time.
The twins invited me to go ice skating with them on a weekend that I was staying at my dad’s, he doesn’t usually let me go do things but he said I could go if he talked to the twin’s mom so he did and he ended up letting me go.
My dad and stepmom gave me $20 to make sure I was able to rent skates but I didn’t end up needing it because the twin’s mom paid for us to all rent skates. This is where I might be the jerk when we were leaving there was a group of girls selling cookies outside and the twin’s mom said we could get some if we had our own money and we all did so we each bought a box of cookies.
If I remember correctly it was only like $7 or something.
When I got home, my stepmom asked why I had cookies and so I told her that I didn’t use the $20 because the twins’ mom paid for everything but that we bought cookies from the girls standing outside.
She scolded me because that’s not what the money was given to me for and I apologized because I didn’t know that I wasn’t supposed to spend it on anything else. They never told me not to spend the change or that it was to be exclusively used for skates, so I didn’t even think about it.
She confiscated the cookies and told my dad who said that he would’ve been happy to let me buy them if I had asked permission first. They’re making me donate the cookies to a charity, which is fine I don’t have a problem with that.
I said I was sorry but that they didn’t tell me not to spend it on anything else and the cookies were cheaper than the skate rental. I also said I couldn’t have asked permission first without a phone and they got even more mad at me because I technically do have a phone, but my mom won’t let me take it to my dads (she pays for it and doesn’t want my dad looking through it or tracking it which he’s done in the past and my dad refuses to buy me a phone to use at his house).
I just get so confused because I don’t know when I’m being the jerk and when they’re being dramatic and I can’t ask my mom or dad for advice on how to deal with the other because they hate each other and it would just blow up into a huge fight.
So, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow. Just wow. NTJ for me. If I had a kid and he’d want to hang out with his friends and I gave him money for that occasion, I wouldn’t care if he spent the money on the skates or a snack or whatever, as long as it’s not substances and he went skating.
I would reconsider if he lied to me about where he’s going. In your case, I’d want to know if someone else paid for you because of course then it’d be polite to return the favor. This is setting up a terrible example. What is this supposed to teach you?
I don’t understand.” advocatus_diaboli-
Another User Comments:
“I’d have assumed the money was to enjoy the outing and chip in on anything the group does during the outing, which includes buying the cookies. Like you, I wouldn’t have even thought about it. They haven’t given you instructions about being very specific with the money they give you for outings either, or you’d have thought about it.
So NTJ. Seems like a weird overreaction. Sorry you’re in this position.” Ok_Sleep8579
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You assumed that the money was to cover the whole activity and that it would be no big deal to spend it on something else at the activity.
It’s not an outlandish assumption to make, even if it turned out to be a wrong assessment in this case. I’m sorry that you are stuck in the middle of this situation, both of your parents need to grow up and stop making you a pawn in their game.” Material-Profit5923
9. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Dad Money Despite His Financial Struggles?
“My dad pays child support to my mother because I’m in college, and he has made it clear the deduction is too large. I believe he has gotten it reduced once or twice, but apparently, it’s still too much. He’s been suffering from health problems that make it difficult to work, so he doesn’t always have a full paycheck, which further complicates things.
I will note, that my dad is not unwilling to support me.
I live with my mom since the college I go to is right down the street, but because of some issues at home, I pretty much fully support myself. I work two low-hour jobs that make me just enough to get by (food, laundry, etc.).
My dad has gotten in the habit of asking me for money fairly often. It’s almost every week, about $20-$80, for food or medicine or gas. It might not seem like much, but I make around $150 a week, so these weekly losses hit pretty hard.
I’ve given him over $1000 and I have no savings whatsoever. I ride a bike to school. I’ve been wearing the same shoes for three years and they’re falling apart. I skip meals to spread out what food I have.
I’m transferring to another school this Summer and I’d like to have money saved up to support myself while I look for a job there.
I’ve told him no in the past, but I’ve given in because it’s hard to deny someone money for food, you know? But this past time, I told myself I wouldn’t give in. He’s already asked for more saying he hasn’t eaten a real meal in days, and I haven’t responded.
I feel like I’m being selfish, essentially letting my dad starve or not have the medicine he needs. I’m annoyed, quite frankly. Every time I get paid I have another mouth to feed, a car to refuel, and whatever else he uses it for. Why should I have to pay back his child support money?
That means my mom walks away with money, my dad walks away with money, and I’ve lost money. That’s completely backward. So no, I will not be sending any more money to him. He’s got to figure it out on his own.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Where is your mom in all this? He is giving her money at his expense. Why is she not using that money to buy things you need? Those shoes, and meals, that’s what child support is supposed to help fund. NTJ. But I think you have more than one parent that needs to get their act together.” Reyvakitten
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Neither is your dad. You need to report your mother if this is going on. Your dad is paying child support to the point he cannot afford basic needs… All while you are supporting yourself. So at the end of the day, your dad is supporting your mother and not you.” SigSauerPower320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and what you’re doing is essentially partially funding your dad’s child support payments for you. Please stop giving him money. You sound very independent, resourceful, and responsible. But you don’t have extra to give away, especially to someone who is supposed to be supporting you.
Don’t fall for the “I need food and medicine” ploy – he’d prioritize those with what little money he has if you weren’t subsidizing him. Best of luck to you!” MrsChickenPam
8. AITJ For Secretly Going To The Gym To Prove A Point To My Partner?
“I (25M) and my partner (24F) are both in the advanced (doctorate) healthcare field. Suffice it to say, we know what we’re talking about when it comes to health. We are in different careers, and my career requires a lot of constant work without meal breaks.
After doing this for over 6 years, my body has become accustomed to eating just a single meal each day, but it’s a much larger meal than most to ensure I get all my macros and calories for the day.
I am a relatively fit guy, always did sports in high school but have maintained a fairly good physique throughout grad school and working.
I don’t cook very often when I do it’s simple stuff, which means a lot of fast food. However, I am mindful about what I get and it’s more or less a symptom of my current living arrangements (set to change in April).
A few years ago, my dad passed away and it was really hard on me. I ended up starting an antidepressant to help with the grief, but I gained a lot of weight while on it – 40 pounds in mere months. This was a wake-up call as I’ve never really had a noticeable gut before.
I stopped the medication, started eating better and going to the gym. I got to a place where I was happy with myself again. My diet improved, but I’ve never particularly liked the gym so I stopped going.
My partner has said that she noticed that I lost some of my bulk and I’m not as toned as I was at the peak of working out.
I still don’t have a gut and have a good definition, but she hounds me that I need to go to the gym and eat better. We’ve had this fight countless times. My diet is restricted by current circumstances that are soon to change, and I don’t feel the need to go to the gym.
I get my annual physical and bloodwork, and all of my values are perfectly in range. On paper, I’m the spitting image of health. It’s still not good enough and she still brings up the same fight. I tell her that she can’t force me to do something I’m unwilling to do, but it doesn’t stop her.
It’s gotten to the point that I want to break up because she tries to be too overbearing.
Over the past month or so, I’ve started going to the gym when she’s not around. Moderate to high intensity for 60-90 minutes four times a week.
But I don’t tell her because I want to prove a point that she can’t notice a difference when I go to the gym versus when I don’t. In addition, I don’t want her to think I’m going to the gym for her and then she thinks she can bully me into doing whatever she thinks I should do.
She started the fight again today and I’m close to losing it. Before I do, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Take note, kids. This is a recipe for breakup. OP’s partner is haranguing and bullying him into going to the gym.
OP responds by keeping secrets to spite the partner and prove a point out of a mix of hurt, anger, and self-consciousness. This is close to an E S H, but the partner is the worse offender by such a wide margin that I must say… GRYFFI… I mean, NTJ!” ironchef8000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are yourself saying that you are healthy so there is no reason for her to worry about it. I have a feeling she has another more superficial reason to want you to go to the gym (she wants someone to be and appear physically fit).
There’s no good reason to push someone that much for no reason. I’m not sure proving her wrong like this is the best way to do it though. Maybe have a deep conversation on why she insists so much on you going to the gym (apart from health which is not the reason – she should know if she is in healthcare studies) and discuss your and her limits in terms of boundaries :)” Matsuora.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s kind of a jerk move to not mention that you’re going to the gym to prove her wrong, but that’s just basic pettiness. Her wanting you to go to the gym doesn’t seem to have anything to do with your health, you explained that on paper you’re perfectly healthy, and you said that the reason she started bringing it up is because you ‘lost some of your tone’ and aren’t as ‘bulky’, which means she only wants you to go to the gym because of how you *look.* She’s repeatedly harassing you and causing arguments because you don’t look a certain way, absolutely jerk behavior, she’s shallow and controlling.
If it were that she wanted you to move more and eat healthier I would be slightly more ok with it (but harassing you about something she knows you hate, and then something else that she KNOWS is going to change soon is terrible either way).” Fiigwort
7. AITJ For Asking My Family To Respect My Boundaries In The House I'm Caring For?
“So in December me (19F) and my partner (19F) found ourselves in need of a place to live. My mom begged us to move into my dementia-having grandparent’s house, saying it would be a massive help. We agreed that we’d take up all the bills of the house, and I started caring for my grandparents.
Over Christmas, one of my aunts mentions that her partner, Bob (49M) will be coming to stay ~3 nights a week soon for his work. This was the first we heard about it. Me and my partner both have trauma surrounding older male family members, so this was instantly a red flag.
When Bob’s over he won’t do any house chores like taking care of shared spaces, giving my grandparents dinner, etc. He also doesn’t financially contribute and has multiple other places to stay.
He confronted me and I told him I’m uncomfortable with him staying, especially if we’re paying the bills and have been told it’s our space, and ask if he can let us know when he’s coming over.
He went over to my mom’s house to tattle on us, and she got mad at us for not upholding our ‘family values’ of generosity and hospitality. I’m forced to explain my trauma and emotional response, and she ends up agreeing with me that Bob doesn’t need to be there and my and my partner’s well-being should come first.
In a meeting with my aunties a few weeks later my partner clarified that we’d appreciate knowing when people are planning to drop by, and also that we don’t feel safe while Bob is staying the night. My mom called me after to tell me she’ll fight for us while she and her siblings discuss.
The next morning, my mom drops a text meant for her sisters in the wrong group chat, saying that we’re not aligning with the ‘family values’, we’re the worst negotiators, stating it’s a sharehouse (when it was previously called our space by all of them), that we’re processing our trauma incorrectly, and that their ‘compromise’ is we continue to care for the house and pay the bills and anyone is allowed to stay if they let us know.
I brought up that these conditions weren’t communicated to us before we moved in, that they said it would be our space, and that it’s unfair to call us bad negotiators when they refuse to give us a compromise beyond we just accept the current situation.
Bob’s partner called us sexist and intolerant of family. My partner and I thanked them for letting us stay, apologized for causing conflict, and told them we’d find a new place.
On one hand, I understand that they’ve done us a favor by letting us stay, but it’s not like we haven’t taken care of my grandparents, the house, and the bills.
I know I sound ungrateful, but I feel like they’re placing Bob’s wants over our need to feel safe in our home, choosing to support a man who hasn’t helped the family over me, who they’ve all said is essential. We never would have moved in if we knew this was the arrangement.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family can’t have it both ways. If they’re looking for live-in caretakers for your grandparents in exchange for free housing (except for bills like utilities/food) then they need to respect your boundaries around “guests’. Your grandparent’s house shouldn’t be treated like a share house that any family member can stay in (or invite their friends/SOs to stay in) at will.
They can either accept the help/bills being paid and tell Bob to sleep somewhere else (and everyone needs to call if they want to visit the grandparents/you) or accept the fact that they just lost their live caregivers/billpayers. I’d be going low contact with them for a while.
They’re trying to take advantage of the fact that you’re young and they’re “the adults”.” NYCStoryteller
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Family is important, but it’s too often used as an excuse to cross someone’s boundaries. I think you made a fair deal: care for the grandparents and their house.
Live-in caretakers, bills, maintenance,… that would have cost your family a fortune! The two of you did all that for free because they are family and because it gave you a free space to live. Now they make you the families’ private hotel. That does not make it a good deal anymore.
You’ll be better off on your own. So I’d say you ate good negotiators, you are just bad doormats… Good luck!” bob3725
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your read of the situation is correct, as is your solution to find a new place that will be only yours and won’t be enmeshed with your family and its “values.” Best of luck to you and your partner; with a family like this, you only have each other to rely on.” Content-Plenty-268
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cover For My Stepson's Father After He Lost His License?
“Firstly, said father’s child support payments are few and far between. When I say this I literally mean he doesn’t pay as much as is needed (not unusual in these dynamics) – if at all some months, but guess who is left to pick up the pieces?
Secondly, it happened over Christmas. He was supposed to return stepson from a Christmas break to see his “new partner” (we will call stepson Billy) on Christmas Eve, but got caught driving. With no license and a few other requisites (as you can imagine), I wasn’t aware there was no license involved until after the event – we had questioned it but as my partner had said she hadn’t been with him for 8 years anything could have changed. I digress, so his van gets impounded and he cannot collect the van until 2 days AFTER Boxing Day, leaving us with a pile of gifts for Billy.
Billy really enjoys seeing his dad and this I have always tried to respect and never crossed the boundaries of trying to be a dad or anything other than a friend.
My problem arises is this: Now we are (mainly me) expected to do all the running about for Billy’s bio, which I find infuriating because he lost his “no license” in such a stupid and immature way.
Me and my partner argue that it’s for Billy and you know I see that, but why on Earth should I/we run after someone who broke the law? To put it into context I do all the school runs also, hobbies etc, etc.
If he had lost his license for medical reasons then I would be almost more than willing to help but I’m at a loss here. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First of all get him in court and get the child support sorted out.
Second, your partner is responsible for the child, not you. I assume she can drive, so she should be doing the running around and paying for road fuel! If her ex can’t, Not you. I know No can be a difficult word sometimes, but in this case you need to say no and mean it.” Successful_Bath1200
Another User Comments:
“What running around are you doing still since we are in February? I agree with your wife it is for Billy and I think if you try your best to keep that in mind you will be less frustrated. Not to be rude but what did you expect from a guy that doesn’t pay for child support it sounds like he’s really struggling which yes isn’t your problem but you are also Billy’s dad this is just a way for you to step in and do what you can as his dad.
I’m sure it’s frustrating I get it but as long as you aren’t buying his bio dad groceries and doing personal stuff for him I see no problem. What are some things that would make you feel better? Talking to his bio dad?” butterlytea
5. AITJ For Refusing To Take A Side In The Conflict Between My Partner And My Mother?
“I (26, F) and my partner (31, M) are currently going through a bit of a rough patch and I need opinions.
A couple of months ago my partner moved across the country to be with me in my home state. We were e a long-distance relationship for a year with vacations to visit each other until we settled in an affordable apartment Well after about a month of living together, I found out I was pregnant and I was very nervous since it was my first as well as his.
I emphasized the importance of him finding a job because he has been struggling for months to find work. Anyway, my parents know he is still jobless though my dad understands he’s trying while my mom is upset I’m paying all the bills on my own.
(I haven’t even broken the news that I’m pregnant because I know my mom will have a negative reaction at this time) Anyway, my cousin recruited him for some work cleaning a rental property but it’s not guaranteed a full-time job. My mom had been pressing me and me bout finding a job soon or perhaps he should return home.
They’ve been at odds and some angry exchanges have been made on both sides.
Here is where I might be the jerk. I’ve been listening to both of them complain about each other for a week, on top of me working my full-time and side business job.
I am stressed and tired because of this drama and my pregnancy. I finally told them both yesterday that they need to get together, talk, and lay down their differences because myself and my father are sick of hearing all this complaining. I’ve treated both sides with respect and reassured them that things are going to be fine but no one wants to listen to me.
I told my partner today after a long angry rant from him about ignoring my parents and refusing to go to any more family functions, that he needed to stop being salty and deal with this head-on instead of running to me. He told me that he didn’t care if they were parents or our child’s grandparents and that he didn’t want anything to do with them anymore.
I feel like I’m alone and refuse to talk to him about this anymore and now I’m considered heartless for ignoring his feelings.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH You know all those posts about an intrusive IL and a stressed-out partner who’s trying to manage?
Everyone tells them you have a husband/wife problem, not an IL problem. Yes, you need to manage your parents and require them to respect your family just like he needs to do the same for you. At the same time, your partner needs a job yesterday.
Not at all okay for him to have knocked you up while you’re the only one working. Make him fix that or leave – if you’re going to be footing all the bills yourself, the least he can do is not add to them.” newbeginingshey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but neither is your partner. Your mom is the problem here. If you and your partner have your place and aren’t relying on your parents for support, your and your partner’s finances are none of her business. I don’t blame him for being sick of her being so intrusive.” StrangelyRational
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But be prepared, that because of the type of person you’re describing him to be, he might just opt out of family events altogether and go the total avoidance route. My husband went that route for a while when it became totally obvious that there would be no resolution reached between him and my stepmother.
It was very upsetting and irritating for years to be stuck in the middle like that having to listen to all the comments from both sides.” Reyvakitten
4. AITJ For Being Upset My Dad Broke His Promise And Left Me Babysitting Again?
“I (17F) live with my mum (41), dad (44) and brother (2), we’ll call him DaBaby. We don’t have a babysitter, as we all work from home, so when my parents have plans, I babysit DaBaby. They usually go out twice a month on average.
On Saturday, my dad had a golfing day, these occur once a month, they are full-day events from 10 am, and never end earlier than 7 pm.
That same evening, my mother had made plans to go out with some of their friends, these are mutual friends my parents share.
Friday came and I wasn’t feeling too well. My parents had to go for a late-night meeting at 10 pm, it ended at 1 am, so I was with DaBaby.
They came home, I was visibly exhausted, and my father promised he would not go out the following evening on Saturday with my mum because he felt bad. He’d also said this the day before on Thursday.
Recap so far:
* Mum made plans to go out with friends Saturday night
* Dad has a full golfing day on Saturday, on Thursday he decided he would not be joining my mum and their friends on a night out due to, and this is a real quote: “I feel so bad for OP.” (spoiler alert: he didn’t feel that bad, apparently.)
* My dad proceeded to spend Thursday and Friday boasting about how his staying home with me to take care of the baby and help me
* Also, on Friday he’d asked my mum to make food before she left for her night out the next day, this is slightly important later on
Here’s what happened on Saturday:
* My mum was supposed to leave at 5, but because of the food she made and helping with DaB, she left pm 7 pm.
* My dad arrived at 8:30 after saying he’d left at 7. When he came home, he made the decision to go see my mum and their friends, randomly, unprovoked. I had been helping all day at home, and he went out despite promising he wouldn’t.
* I was left home with DaBaby, tired, mentally and physically tapped out. He also took the pot of food my mother made with him. The whole pot? I’m trying to find the strength to comprehend this.
On Sunday, I asked him nicely why he didn’t tell me he wanted to go out earlier, I could’ve had a heads up.
A massive argument ensued because I asked for common decency, and my father said “Plans changed” and that it didn’t matter, he belittled my efforts and my valuable time and refused to admit these were plans he changed.
He did not have to go, he had no obligation or invite, he just wanted to.
Before he left, DaBaby was crying, and he specifically said “OP, I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to you.” So he knows he was wrong for leaving after a day of golf. My dad won’t admit to it and he thinks I am wrong for questioning him, but I am not his glorified babysitter.
If you don’t feel bad, don’t promise or commit to something you don’t want to do.
There’s a lot more I could say, and a lot more context involved regarding the night out and my mum’s feelings about this, but this character limit is killing me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your parents are parentifying you, which makes them both jerks. That’s even before the issue you are writing about. Their 2-year-old child is their responsibility, not yours. Unfortunately, all you can do is keep your head down and get out as quickly as possible.
If you can go to college and live on campus. Otherwise, get a job, support yourself, and move out. Then Debby will be entirely on them. They are going to be so mad when you “abandon” them, but that’s all on them. Your dad’s choices and lack of responsibility start with having DaBaby in the first place.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“YTJ girl! I would’ve said worse and, unfortunately, you can’t catch a break. I don’t think it’s fair to make you watch DaBaby for the entire day/night. Especially on expectations for the break after a full day but also didn’t you say you were taking care of him on the Fri night too?
And he is the jerk for taking the whole pot of food!?” stevie_stunner_420
3. AITJ For Wanting A DNA Test Even If It Risks My Relationship With My Mom?
“I’ve always felt like the black sheep of my family. My father always favored my older brother and I was constantly getting in trouble for little things while he never did.
I hated life as a child honestly and never felt that I fit in with my family. Even times I went to spend with my father’s extended family, I felt like an outcast and always treated differently.
About 7 years ago, I received a message from a woman who claimed to be my sister.
She told me my mother had an affair with her father while she was married to my dad. I had NEVER heard of this EVER, but immediately it seemed to make so much sense. I asked my mom about it who threw a HUGE fit and told me not to talk to that person.
She told me she didn’t want me talking to that family. I still did.
I asked my dad about it- he yelled at me too. (Both of my parents aren’t very understanding people and it’s their way or the highway)
It’s now been 7 years- I’ve still been talking to my “sister” for all these years on and off and just wondering if maybe I do have a different bio father.
It’s something that bothers me, not because my dad might not be my dad, but because I feel it may be the reason why I was treated so differently. According to my “sister,” the whole family on my dad’s side & my mom’s side that my mom had an affair.
I found out my grandparents did say I wasn’t my dad’s in the beginning too. So kind of a sucky situation
Every time I would bring up that I wanted a DNA test, my mom would yell at me and make me feel like crap for wanting that.
Long story short, after years of wondering, I decided to do a sibling DNA test to find out if we are related since my bio dad wouldn’t do a test. When I tried to talk to my mom about it, she yelled at me, hung up on me, and told me she was blocking me on everything and that I chose this DNA test over our relationship.
I’m flabbergasted that because I want to find out who my bio dad is, my mom is disowning me.
My mom had an affair with an older married man in the Navy. My mom was married as well. She was kicked out of the navy for it and the man she was having an affair with got moved to another base.
I guess the navy man even came to see me when I was about a year old and my sister found letters my mom sent him with pictures of me saying I was his. They even planned on getting married. But now she claims he was abusive to her and that’s why she wants nothing to do with him—which is weird because she also claims my dad was abusive to her too.
Anyways, AITJ for wanting this DNA test even if it means my relationship with my mom will be over?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a great deal of evidence that you might not be your dad’s kid. If she didn’t want this to happen she shouldn’t have been sleeping with anyone besides her husband.
Your mom has literally done this before, treated you differently, and is being super cagey about it. She shouldn’t be giving her child that kind of ultimatum. Knowing your father for certain and losing your mother or not knowing is not a choice you should have to make.
She’s 500% the jerk. If my child came to me wanting a paternity test even if I gave no evidence, I would be devastated and hurt but that would not cause me to never want to see my child again. Parenting is not an optional and conditional thing.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.” Useful-Percentage-42
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Wear My Husband's Ex's Engagement Ring?
“I (27F) got married to my husband (34M) back in March 2020 when the global crisis hit, we had a wedding of just us live streamed for our families due to circumstances and not money.
My husband had proposed to me with a diamond ring that wasn’t quite my style but I decided to wear it since he said it was a family ring and he had just got it back from his mom.
I was confused by the meaning of back.
My husband has been married once before for less than a year. This ring belonged to her previously but my husband insisted it was a family ring, so I asked him the story of it. After much relenting he finally told me how he bought this ring years ago for a completely different girl who was unfaithful and got pregnant by someone so he never proposed and his mom held onto it, then he proposed to his first wife with it and she had a problem with it being a ring meant for another woman.
I of course agreed and said it’s not my ring nor a family ring. He was very upset and called me ungrateful with his family on his side mostly. We got married and I wore it but after time it actually lost a small diamond so I stopped wearing it and wore a solid band my Mom wore (an actual family ring from my Dad).
This infuriated my husband but after a year of convincing him, MIL, and SIL that it was wrong to wear that ring, he finally agreed to get me my own. We went and traded in the old and paid 2k more totaling 5k for a ring we picked out together and a matching band for my first anniversary present.
I also agreed to get one with my birthstone as the main setting since that’s what he said he would have got me on his own and that felt meaningful to me.
My husband still to this day says I’m a jerk for not wanting a ring that was never bought for me and already worn.
He thinks I just wanted something more expensive, which is not the case. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Wait wait wait. He got this for a woman who was unfaithful and left. He then tried the ring with “his first wife”—and I guess that fell apart too.
He gives you the ring, lies about its origin, and then gets mad when you don’t want to be the Plan C Ring Recycler? I mean holy flying ring wraiths, how could he not see the obvious issues brewing? The audacity to call OP the jerk.
Clear NTJ. Update: There’s a One Ring joke to be made here.” ironchef8000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ To me, engagement and wedding rings are symbols rather than just jewelry. I would not wear a ring with the history of the ring he gave you first. Intended for an unfaithful person, worn by an ex?
I’d rather wear a plain silver band. A piece of a string would work better than the ring with that history. ” Wonderful-Result2036
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband is a miser. It’s the epitome of wack for a man to reuse a ring like that.
He does not see you as special and it’s obvious your marriage is irretrievably broken from Jump Street. Take the new ring he bought you, sell it, and use the money for a deposit and the first month’s rent somewhere away from him. Repeat: he does not see you as special.” Skizzybee
1. AITJ For Putting Grapes Out At A Party Knowing A Dog Will Be Present?
“This is my first time posting on here so sorry in advance if I violated any rules. So it’s all out there, this is an ongoing discussion between my partner and me.
I think they are jerks and they disagree. So we are coming to this platform and letting the anonymous masses settle this.
So we recently celebrated our kid’s birthday party. Other than kids and their parents, we knew that one of our close family friends would be bringing their dog.
They bring their dog everywhere. We don’t mind their dog, however, it does have some issues with food and training. It will constantly stand up on its hind legs and grab food off the table or counter. It will also take food right out of kids’ hands.
My partner set up the party. Part of the spread included a charcuterie board. On that board were grapes. I’ve mentioned to them in the past that all grapes are toxic/deadly to dogs. So during the party, I commented for them to be careful that the dog doesn’t get into the grapes.
They looked at me and said: “I already have too many things to be responsible for. It’s (the dog owner’s) responsibility to make sure they don’t eat grapes.”
So here is where our disagreement arises. I think that, knowing the dog is coming we probably just shouldn’t put out grapes.
We have kids. Kids are careless, the dog needs better training and something bad could happen. I would rather not end up with a dead dog at our kid’s party. If you willingly put out grapes and know the dog will be there (we did), then you should be responsible for making sure the dog doesn’t eat them.
My partner thinks otherwise.
Later in the evening when we were discussing it, I told them that that way of thinking is kind of jerk behavior. I asked if there was a child with a peanut allergy coming. Would you still put out nuts and just tell the kid’s parents to keep their kid out of the nuts?
They said that in that scenario we would not put out nuts at all because it’s a child. Their thought is that this is just a dog, and a human life is more important than a dog’s life.
Is my spouse the jerk in this situation, or am I wrong in my assumption?”
Another User Comments:
“Wait… is this a service dog (that would be allowed in places that require proof of service exclusion to let the dog in)? If not. FIDO can stay HOME. Question 2: Do you dig up all the plants around your house that could be toxic to dogs?
There are several surprises out there. Question 3: Any chocolate at the birthday? What about the cake? You would not be the jerk for having grapes at the party. And your logic is flawed. Allergic reactions can happen to a kid that eats something they shouldn’t.
Dogs should not be eating people, period. The owner (who should be in control of their pet at all times) is responsible for the dog’s actions and making sure it doesn’t get into food that is bad for it. Next time, don’t invite the dog owner when there’s going to be food.
It’s easier and keeps you, OP, from trying to be responsible for way more than you should be.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I have dogs and I had a counter-surfing dog who would also steal food from a kid (easy mark). So we didn’t bring her places.
Or when she was explicitly invited to places (BBQs, etc.) with us, we kept her on a leash. Why do you care more about a random dog than your kid’s party or your partner? Your partner was right, they’re hosting a birthday party which is busy enough, but it’s not their responsibility to ensure the untrained dog doesn’t jump up and eat food off of a table or out of a kid’s hand.
Why is this person still allowed to bring this untrained dog over? How does your partner feel about this untrained dog coming over? Why are children subjected to this untrained dog stealing food from their hands?” friendlily
