People Make Us Rethink Our Own Decisions With These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Taking All My Cats When I Moved Out Despite My Friend's Daughter's Attachment To Them?
“So I moved in with my friend (A) and her daughter (B), a couple of years ago with my 3 cats when daughter was 6. They had a cat but it was very introverted and (B) fell in love with mine, 2 are total love bugs, follow you around, talk to you 24/7 and my youngest just wants to play which B loved and her favorite thing to do was wind up my cat and play.
They had a dog who also adored my youngest cat and they’d run each other ragged and cuddle in to sleep together.
The problem started when I said I was getting my own place in my hometown (1 hour away). They both kept subtly dropping hints that the cats were settled in their house and I should just take my oldest with me and I could visit the other 2 when I wanted.
This is where I may be the jerk. I played along with that because I’ve seen how nasty A can turn. Anyway, moving day came, I got my house all set up and went back at night to pick up my cats. I took all of them obviously.
I love my cats, they are my little shadows, been with me since I was 13. Tears ensued from B and A kicked off big time with my youngest locked in the bathroom. I left with my oldest 2. The next day I drove by, called my youngest, and got her in the car with a bag of dreamies but now I’m getting so many abusive texts about how I’m absolute scum and A can’t believe I would do that to her daughter after everything they did for me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are your cats. Why anyone in their right mind would suggest you leave members of your family behind when you move house, is beyond me. I kind of understand why you felt you had to lead them to believe you could leave them behind.
I’ve been in toxic situations with people I’ve lived with and know how quickly things can go south.” Chipps_Mcghee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are your cats, while it is sad that the daughter fell in love with them and bonded – they are still your cats, who pays, cares and loves them.
The mom is the jerk here, you moved in and she knew that the cats belonged to you. She should have been helping her daughter understand that rather than foster the desire for them to stay. Your friend and daughter are welcome to visit them, and if the kitties travel well – maybe they can come to visit with you, but that is your choice…because they are your cats.” Jaylloyd24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, yes your friend helped you out with a place to stay. But something tells me if she had said part of the price was 2 of your cats, you probably wouldn’t have bothered. Seriously what the heck. They’re pets, not toys to trade around.
At this point, I’d cut contact if they continue to hurl abuse.” Background-Swing-102
21. AITJ For Being Resentful At My Adoptive Parents For Keeping Me Away From My Biological Family?
“I’m 16 years old. I lost my parents when I was 5, and later I was adopted at the age of 6. I have a brother who is 9 years older than me, so he was about 15 when I was adopted and is 25 now.
After my adoption, my adoptive parents always told me that my brother didn’t want to see me anymore, and I ended up believing it. In reality, he had found them and wanted to see me constantly but my parents refused to let him. He sent me letters for my birthdays, but my parents never showed them to me.
I ended up hating and resenting him because I felt like he abandoned me.
Well due to some circumstances I am now in touch with my brother and have known the truth for about 6 months and I’m coming back from spending a few weeks with my extended birth family.
Turns out my aunt also wanted to see me and for her kids to see me but my parents didn’t allow it. My parents have confirmed this is what they did because they wanted me to not have to carry the baggage from my past and to focus on “our” family which didn’t include my brother and wanted me to bond with my adoptive sister instead.
I don’t buy it, they could have made it work. I spent so much time being angry at my brother for abandoning me when he didn’t. And it could have all been avoided.
So yeah I’m angry and resentful and I don’t trust them anymore.
I’ve told them that and told them that adopting me was a mistake. My sister told me that I’m acting out and I’m being ungrateful for everything that our parents have done for me, that I’d still be in foster care if they hadn’t adopted me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if you had to be taken away from your parents because of substances or whatever it would be reasonable. But the fact that they died makes it worse. There was no reason to keep you away from your birth family when they tried to reach out, much less LIE to you and make you think they abandoned you.
You don’t owe your adoptive parents anything. As always, it is what THEY chose to do. That doesn’t mean you’re indebted to them, and you’re definitely allowed to be upset by their actions and the sorry excuse for those actions Also, I HATE when people make that excuse to fostered/adopted children.
You nor they have any idea where you would be if they hadn’t adopted you. You could have been adopted by another family, or better – been given a chance to live with your birth family. But to say you would STILL be in foster care if it wasn’t for them is manipulative and not true 85% of the time Can I ask why no one in your birth family was able to take you after your parents’ death?” Intelligent-Bite9660
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and they likely violated the conditions of the adoption. Your parents and sister are massive sandy jerks. Here is why: 1) Legally FC adoptions are supposed to require contact with birth sibs. This is explained to parents by social workers as part of the process.
Like on day 1 and it is repeated over and over. I was trained as a foster parent, this is part of adopting from FC. They probably lied to your social worker in order to get away with this and it emotionally harmed you. Major jerk move.
Any decent therapist or social worker would tell them they screwed up here, you have a right to be mad. You had a legal right to continued access to your sibling, they stole that from you. 2) Your sister is a jerk because she thinks you OWE those people something for adopting you from FC.
That is SICK. How dare she? Adopted children are not required to kiss the backside of the folks who adopted them. You do not need to grovel and be grateful. I am so so sorry you were treated this way. This is NOT how it is supposed to work.
Your rights were violated and keeping you from your sibling was abusive. Please contact a therapist with experience in foster to adopt (your county social workers can refer you). You deserve help processing this horrible trauma and betrayal. Your county even pays for it.” TiredAndTiredOfIt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your adoptive parents were extremely selfish. They have deprived you for many years of additional love that you would have had from your birth family, and that would take nothing away from your adoptive family. Heck! They lied to you and created pain and resentment towards your brother in you.
I hope that over time you can reconnect more and more with your brother and your birth family, they seem like good people. As for your sister saying that you are “ungrateful”, she can go eat sand. Taking care of children is a primary duty of parents, not gracious generosity.
Therefore, you must not be silent and complacent with everything they do because they have adopted you. It is your right to call them out on their mistakes. And they made a big mistake with you.” 000-Hotaru_Tomoe
20. AITJ For Not Catering To My Spoiled Brother's Food Preferences On Father's Day?
“My little brother is kind of spoiled. I’m 19 and living at home for free while I attend trade school, so I try to be appreciative. I get that a 12 yo doesn’t have that level of maturity, but I don’t remember ever being that spoiled.
For Father’s Day, I said I was going to make dinner. My dad loves Indian food, the spicier the better. He also loves seafood. I made a green curry (his favorite) with tilapia, green beans, okra, potatoes and chickpeas. I also made onion fritters. For dessert, I made coconut custard.
My dad almost started crying when he saw what I did. He gave me a big hug. My brother immediately started throwing a tantrum when he saw what was available. My mom was annoyed and asked me what I made for him. I said he can eat whatever is there.
Brother said he isn’t eating fish, so I said I’ll scoop around it, but he said no. So I said he could eat rice, fritters, and custard. Eggs are protein, and onions have some nutrients in them. He said he couldn’t do that because then he wouldn’t have dessert.
He ran off and mom went after him to “comfort” him.
Dad was a little let down, because it’s his Father’s Day dinner and Mom and bro are absent. She came back in at one point but just to make something for bro, and by the time she sat down we were almost done eating.
Mom is mad at me for causing bro’s tantrum and “ruining Father’s Day” for my dad. She said it would have been easy to make him a little rice stir fry. I think she should have made him sit down and chill out so we could all have a nice dinner together.
Which of us is the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk, OP. Your little brother is for throwing the tantrum, and your mother should not be enabling this kind of behavior (especially in a 12 yo). Your mother is the one who “ruined Father’s Day” by insisting you should have catered to your brother; he needs to learn that everything doesn’t revolve around him.
He could have found something in that mix to eat, like you said, without causing a scene.” CatLady7423
Another User Comments:
“”I made a green curry (his favorite) with tilapia, green beans, okra, potatoes, and chickpeas. I also made onion fritters. For dessert, I made coconut custard.” Sounds delicious.
You did a really nice thing for your father. I don’t understand about your brother and fish. Has he recently decided that he isn’t eating fish anymore (for whatever reason)? Did he just decide not to eat fish this one time? It seems pretty clear that you didn’t know about his anti-pescatarian stance.
If he doesn’t want to eat fish anymore, and he doesn’t do his own cooking, he needs to communicate this. You’re NTJ. Your brother’s behavior isn’t ok for a 12-year-old, and your mother’s decision to enable it is really bad.” Trini1113
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your mom definitely is. I spent about 6 years of my career teaching 5th grade, which is 10-11. This behavior is age-inappropriate, and not by a small margin. Like, this is pre-school level immaturity. By grade school, it should already be a natural consequence that he could’ve either missed dinner or calmed down and eaten the same meal that he either reheated himself or apologized to get help reheating.
By middle school? A real consequence would not be entirely appropriate. Instead, your mom rewarded him for behaving like a brat and being so self-centered that he threw a fit on Father’s Day.” churchey
19. AITJ For Setting A Budget For My Mom's Birthday Dinner While I'm Financially Struggling?
“I (F23) am in a burnout, out of work (doctor’s order) still waiting for my governmental income help until I get back on my feet and get back to work which won’t be until August. Because of circumstances, the government takes a lot more time to approve the request for monetary help and so I’m being extra careful on how much I spend weekly since I don’t have a lot saved up.
Recently it was my mom’s birthday, and although I couldn’t really afford to get her anything, I redid my budget and I could find a way to at least get her a little something. I drove to her place which is 2 hours away (and it cost me 60$ of fuel) and told her I would take her out for dinner but that I could only get her a 20$ dish, I made sure to explain my situation and said that I was sorry and that I would make it up to her once I am in a better financial position.
The whole time at the restaurant, my mom and her partner kept making jokes about me putting a $$ limit on her birthday dinner. They kept laughing about it and jokingly saying how cheap of me it was. It got to a point where I genuinely wanted to cry and felt like I was a jerk for doing that.
I got some stares from other customers sitting at other tables and I felt very ashamed of myself.
They even talked about it on the way back and overall I felt like my gesture was not at all appreciated and I was only doing my best to show my mom how appreciative I was of her even though I couldn’t afford anything fancy.
I once went no contact with her for a year after speaking down on me and I’m heavily considering doing the same now but before I make any harsh decisions I want to know if I was the jerk in that story.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My love, I recommend going no contact again. I understand that sometimes people expect a certain caliber of gift from people for special occasions, but that does not mean you should expose yourself to ridicule in the process. You tried your best, and if they don’t appreciate that, it says a lot more about them than it does about you.
Get yourself some Ben and Jerry’s and a bad movie. You’ll be right as rain.” SpareUmbrella
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel such sympathy for you and you absolutely didn’t deserve to be treated that way. That was so unkind of them to behave like that especially since you explained the situation.
Including the price of gas, it was an $80 gift which certainly isn’t cheap. In all honesty, you could “make it up to her” when you’re in a better financial position but why in the world would you want to?? They destroyed any happiness you might have felt in that gift so I’m struggling to see why she deserves anything more than a card in the mail next year.
Wow, that was just terribly insensitive behaviour from them. I’m curious though, did her partner pay for their own meal?” RefrigeratorBoth3979
Another User Comments:
“”They kept laughing about it and jokingly saying how cheap of me it was.” Some people put monetary value over EVERYTHING, They are those people, instead of cherishing the moment and appreciating the time and effort you put into that dinner, they chose to put you down and make you feel bad.
They SUCK!!!! “I once went no contact with her for a year after speaking down on me and I’m heavily considering doing the same now” If it’s better for YOU to go NC for a while, DO IT!! You have to do what is best for YOU, And next year….SCREW HER BIRTHDAY.
She is lucky if you send her a card. And you have NOTHING to be ashamed about. Yes, the dish was “only” $20, But I assume, you paid for your own dinner too, so that’s $40 AND it cost you $60 to get there so that’s $100. Keep your head up.
NTJ.” QYB1990
18. AITJ For Wanting My Husband's Friend To Leave Our House?
“My husband and I just learned we are pregnant with twins and due in late January. That being said when we first found out my husband got a message from an old high school friend saying he needed a place to go because his wife is abusive.
My husband, being a nice guy, couldn’t say no to his friend and he is now sleeping on our couch.
Now I never heard of this friend till this incident as he wasn’t at our wedding or never brought up till now. I’m all for helping our friends and family when they need it but what’s starting to set me off is my husband gave his friend my office space and basically has kicked me out of my space.
On top of that, he doesn’t do anything but sit on the computer all day and night plus make messes.
Beyond him taking over my space I found out he was getting illegal substances sent to my house in the mail. I don’t care about smoking but getting illegal substances mailed to my house was the last straw for me.
This incident has caused me to go off on him and flip out and also caused fights between my husband and me. My husband’s friend told him he’s highly afraid of me because his wife used to yell and scream at him. My husband has told me I’m being mean or I’m being rude because I don’t want this person at my house anymore and think he should go home to his wife and disabled child.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That he also played the “abusive wife” card just because she was sick that he was lazy all day, playing games, and wasting money on illegal substances (he doesn’t work so where did he get the money?), while she works and cares for their disabled child?!
He now, since you have enough of this lazy mooch and raise your voice, plays the victim again?! But the real problem is your husband. He brought him into your home, kicked you out of your office without asking you, and is enabling this leech.
For all real victims of abuse, this is so disrespectful. I don’t know who is on the lease/owns the apartment(house), but I would tell your husband: either the friend leaves or you leave. Alternatively, you kick both out if it is yours. It is also strange that you never heard of this friend before and now your husband does everything for him.
Does the friend have something in the hand against your husband? Or did he have an “experimental” phase at college that you don’t know of?” EvilFinch
Another User Comments:
“Is he your husband or his friend’s husband? Seems highly irresponsible of him to prioritize his addicted, deadbeat friend over his pregnant wife and soon-to-be babies.
You are NTJ. If he isn’t going to prioritise your comfort you should move to a place where you’re comfortable and safe. At least till your husband and his “traumatized” friend settle things between them. (Based on your post I’m guessing he’s lying about being abused).” asianinindia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pregnancy is not the time for husbands to test boundaries and yours are pretty reasonable all things considered. It would be one thing if he was actively looking for a job, getting his act together, going to therapy for the alleged abuse, and helping around the house, but he’s not.
He’s literally turned into just another mouth to feed and clean up after. And once “The Munchies” hit, hide your favorite snacks and say goodbye to any leftovers or the last of the ice cream you were thinking about all day at work. Because he’s going to eat it all and he’s most likely not going to clean up after himself.
I wish you the best of luck because you don’t have a husband’s friend problem, you have a husband problem.” MarigoldCat
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Fiancé's Mom Help Plan Our Child's First Birthday Party?
“I, 23F, am in the midst of planning my first child’s first birthday party. It’s in the summer, and I want it to be a perfect day for everyone so it can be an experience to look back on. I know my child won’t remember but I will.
My future MIL wants to be involved, but I politely declined and asked her if she’ll bring bags of ice, and some extra plates, cups etc. She made it known to my fiancé she’s upset and feels excluded. However, I beg to differ.
It may seem harsh however for reference: We wanted a gender reveal and had already brought things. A few weeks prior to the date, MIL posted on social media under a post of mine that she loves her grandgirl! I couldn’t delete it in time, and the congratulations started. This was not the case as we knew it was a boy.
I deleted the comment and my fiancé called her to tell her to hush, and she knew better. A few days prior to the event, she commented on an ultrasound photo, happy baby boy… thus confusing everyone. And then proceeded to confirm and said she was wrong about the girl.
I was crushed and we ended up canceling it. She apologized and said she didn’t think anyone would see it and she’s just excited to meet her grandson.
For our baby shower, I planned it. She wanted to take over as an apology, and I agreed and showed her everything I wanted. She failed and showed up late to set up.
And didn’t bring the promised chairs, tables, or decorations. She bought a 10-pack of plates, Robins Eggs the candy, and a few “graduation” balloons. I again was crushed and cried afterward. And made the decision not to include her in their party planning, because she’s proven twice she can’t do what’s asked.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has let you down twice before. She sounds like she just doesn’t think things through, and doesn’t realize that what she sees as not a big deal is huge to you. I see 2 options: first is to avoid talking to her between now and then, don’t give her any info, etc. Second, perhaps you can ask her to plan/do something that won’t affect things too much.
Does she have pictures of LO? She could do a “Look how I’ve grown” board. If she can cook she can make auxiliary appetizers, like if you are having humus & veggies, she could make “mini pigs-in-blankets”. Here is a third option: she sounds very enthusiastic & sentimental. When you talk with her, ask what she did for her son’s first birthday.
Did she have family over? Who? Did she bake a cake? What recipe did she use? What did he wear? How about other birthdays? Does she have any pictures? The point here is not to commit yourself to actually doing any of those things. If she wants attention, this is a peaceful way to give it to her.
I hope it goes well for you, OP.” moebiusmom
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to assume that she got to plan her own children’s events and parties. She has no right to inflict herself and try to play the victim because you won’t let her plan your events when clearly she sucks at it.
She didn’t give a darn enough to step up and she violated your privacy by posting on social media. I would invite her to the events and that was all I would expect from her. After all, she has clearly demonstrated that she doesn’t respect you or your boundaries and isn’t responsible enough to do a few basic things that she said she would.
Why would she expect you to depend on her?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ remind your partner she’s had her chances for 1st anything with her own child! She is simply a grandparent and all she needs to know is where and when to turn up if she’s invited. Don’t let her in or she’ll want all events going forward.
Kill her with kindness “no thank you, I love planning these things, especially for my child. I’m sure you remember from when you got to do it for your child” Rinse and repeat “no thank you” and look up the grey rock method and learn to use it.” Anewstageinlife
16. AITJ For Refusing To Convert To My Fiancée's Religion And Change My Surname?
“I (30M) have been with my fiancée (25F) for 5 years. 4 out of those 5 years have been amazing and we got along very well.
She is from a different religious background whereas I am not religious. However, I have been brought up Pentecostal and my family are religious.
We had agreed prior to the engagement that we would keep our beliefs, and someday when we have kids we will bring them up in both religions. My parents are happy with this and they have no problem with my fiancée practicing her faith or teaching our future children her religion.
Recently she has been asking me to convert to her religion and change my name to reflect her religion. I said no to this and she was fairly upset until her sister (15F) told her off for how stupid and unfair this request was for me.
Now she wants me to agree to bring up our future children in her religion because according to her my parents’ religion is “false and wrong”. She also wants me to change my surname since she does not want to take a surname that does not reflect her religion.
When I pointed out how ludicrous her requests were and if she was willing to change her name to reflect the religion I have been brought up in, she got angry and called me a jerk before hanging up.
I’m conflicted because I love her but at the same time I don’t want to give up my identity.
AITJ for not agreeing to her requests?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I mean, I think she’s dead wrong, but not in a jerk way. It’s good that you’re having these conversations now rather than later. The main reason I don’t want to call her a jerk is because if she genuinely feels this way, it’s better to get it out now rather than after you two have kids or are married, and it’s better than keeping it bottled up and building resentment.
Maybe you can work through all this but don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy.” curien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You heard of the 80/20 rule? It’s used in business. A simple one, 20% of the people make 80% of the money. Here’s how this applies to you.
80% of the issues that will break a deal will happen in the last 20% of the time. As the wedding is approaching. Suddenly more conditions want to be added to the contract. Luckily, she is revealing her true colors, before the wedding. And not surprising you with these demands after you’re married. But yeah, sounds like you might be more compatible than you think.” Capital-Western8687
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A lot of people who are from a religious background, but not themselves devout, claim that they’re fine being with someone outside their religion, but when it comes down to it and they’re about to get married, they realize they want the cultural markers.
A friend of mine’s SO did this to him (tried to force conversion etc) and they had to split. It’s probably because your fiancée’s identity is tied to discrimination against her religion, and she wants to console herself by raising children within that religion and insulating herself, while falsely putting it under the banner of ‘pride in my heritage’; OR she’s realized that she relies too much on social approval within her own culture, and can’t face the loss of status for marrying outside.
If she won’t work on this, you’re not compatible.” HiddenDestiny251
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Friend And Her Toddler To Move Into My Newly Renovated House?
“I (22f) inherited a small house when my mother passed away. For over a year now I’ve spent my time fixing up the place and decorating the yard. Since the property is paid for I don’t have to pay a lot to keep everything maintained. I plan to live with a roommate as it’s a two-bedroom house.
I started my roommate search recently and as of now have only told friends about it.
An old friend of mine (18f) heard that I’m looking for a roommate. My friend currently lives with helicopter parents and has a baby (2 years old).
She recently asked me if she and her baby could move in with me.
I told her no and explained that my house isn’t childproof and I don’t want little kids in the house.
She insisted I make my home childproof by fencing the pool and keeping my dog on a chain when she’s outside. I told her I wouldn’t be doing that as I’ve spent lots of time making the yard look nice and I’m not going to ruin that with a fence.
I also won’t chain my dog in an enclosed yard for obvious reasons. (My dog isn’t mean in the slightest. I just used my dog as another excuse as to why the house isn’t childproof). My friend told me I’m selfish for not considering her mental health and not compromising to make my house childproof.
She reminded me of how she doesn’t get to go out much since her parents won’t let her and she doesn’t have much privacy. Though I sympathize with her situation I know I wouldn’t be comfortable living with a kid.
This is my house and as I said I worked hard to get it where it’s at.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t live with a toddler until you have one of your own. They can be nightmares at that age! Sounds like she not only wants to move her and her kid in with you, but also have you babysit so she can go out?
How would she pay the bills? Does she have a job? It’d cost you a pretty penny to evict her. No reason to inconvenience yourself and your dog to accommodate a friend who chose their circumstances and does not like the way their life is playing out.
You wouldn’t be compromising to make the house childproof, you would be completely accommodating her. She’s the selfish one and you are definitely not responsible for her mental health.
My advice: don’t have a friend become your roommate (unless you are both renting a place).
You can ruin a friendship when the dynamics are uneven by being their landlord. If you become friends with a roommate, fine, but do not allow that to influence how you are treated as a landlord. Always get first, last, and a one-month deposit. If a potential renter cannot afford that, they cannot afford to rent your place.
Make certain your homeowners insurance has you covered for a dog and tenant and have the tenant get renter’s insurance and name you on the policy.” Maybeidontknow99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of course you sympathize with your friend’s situation, but it is not your problem, it is hers.
This is your first “all yours” home, and you want to keep it a certain way, that is awesome. Enjoy your new home, enjoy your doggie, enjoy your life. NO, you are not selfish at all. Why do you want your first home invaded and used as a nursery and you would probably become a babysitter as well.
NTJ. I’d also let her know you are preparing a contract for whoever rents from you. And please do that, prepare a legal, enforceable contract for Just In Case.” NCKALA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your home, your choice of who to live with. If she is unhappy she needs to change her situation in a manner that does attempt to force herself and her child on her friends.
Maybe she should move in with the baby’s dad instead. Also, she is already complaining that she does not get to go out, so is she expecting that if you do agree to let her live there, that would mean she will just be leaving the baby with you so she can go party?” ayesh00
14. AITJ For Not Letting A Guy With Dirty Feet Into My House?
“I met up with some friends yesterday in the park for beers. A guy was there who is a friend of my best mate, I only hung out with him briefly a couple of times before. He’s alright, but one of those hippie types who doesn’t wear shoes.
I think dirty feet are gross, but live and let live and all that.
Anyway, it started to look like it was going to rain, so people started heading home. Me, my best mate and the hippie guy wanted to carry on drinking. My best mate suggested beers at mine (as is closest to the park).
Anyway, I could see how dirty this guy’s feet were after walking around all day with no shoes. Wear shoes or don’t wear shoes, but I don’t want someone’s dirty feet in my house. Shoes are taken off at the door at my place.
Can’t do that with dirty feet. And those feet aren’t going on my sofa or my floor.
I tried suggesting heading to his or my mate’s place instead first, then when that didn’t work I brought up the feet thing by trying to make light of it by gently ribbing him and saying his feet were filthy and if he wanted to come in he’ll have to wash them first.
The guy got annoyed and my buddy thought it was funny but said I was over-reacting. Hippie guy stormed off when he realized I was serious.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He can do as he likes with his feet, but unless he’s shampooing your carpets, he doesn’t get to track all sorts of filth into your home.
The only thing I’d caution you is to come right out and state your boundaries, rather than trying to “make light of things.” People too often don’t take women seriously enough at the best of times; don’t give them any excuse to mistake a hard boundary for a joke.” JosieJOK
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m one of those people who hates wearing shoes. I usually wear sandals because going barefoot is not exactly acceptable to society. BUT I also hate my feet being dirty, so they get washed a lot. Yeah, I know… I’m complicated. You offered a perfectly reasonable solution of this guy washing his feet before going past your foyer.
If he finds that offensive, that says more about him than about you.” Licoricewhips99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Asking him to wash his feet was an entirely reasonable request. His “feet” were the equivalent of someone else’s shoes so it makes no sense for you to have a no-shoes policy but allow someone in whose feet would be tracking in the same crap.” Jujulabee
13. AITJ For Threatening To Boycott My Son's Wedding After His Fiancée Uninvited My Cousins?
“My son is getting married to a lovely girl this week. When we went through the guest list and who to send invites to, I asked if it would be OK to send invites to my cousins on my late father’s side of the family.
It was a way to honor his grandfather and my dad who had passed two years earlier. The additional invites were approved and sent to my cousins.
The bride’s mother just called me and stated that her daughter has decided that the cousins can not come to the wedding or the reception.
I explained to her mother that my cousins are coming from out-of-town and can not afford to eat the cost of plane tickets or hotel reservations. I also stated that the bride had approved the wedding list and I asked ‘what had changed?’
Her mother replied: “She feels ‘uncomfortable’ getting married in front of strangers and only wants people she knows.”
My jaw literally hit the floor. I said, as calmly as I could, I was physically shaking in anger, that ‘if she is so uncomfortable getting married in front of strangers and my cousins are not allowed to attend, even though she OK’d the guest list, then I shall not be attending and neither would my mother, my sister or my daughters,’ who were part of the wedding party.
My son called, he was in another state working and asked what was going on. His fiancée had called crying that I was out to ruin her wedding. I quietly explained how I was called, cousins were now being told not to come and why, reminded him they had been ok’d to attend by both of them and she is saying she can’t get married in front of strangers.
Since she doesn’t know me or made any attempt to get to know me, then his immediate family falls into this category.
At this time he is talking with his fiancée. I think my son may be marrying a control freak!”
Another User Comments:
“Based on the information included in this post, NTJ. Your future DIL had every right to say no when you asked if you could invite the out-of-state cousins. Instead, she said yes. Changing her mind for such a bizarre reason at this late date is a jerk move on her part.
I’m interested to hear what missing information or context your son might provide after speaking with his fiancee today.” Prestigious_Isopod72
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t understand everyone saying you’re a jerk for demanding to invite cousins. You didn’t demand, they asked your opinion and you responded who you would like and they chose to include them on the guest list. What’s tactless is the bride changing her mind the week of the wedding fully knowing that these people are flying out of state etc. If she had a problem she should have stated it prior so that your cousins could have been able to get a refund.
It’s extremely rude. I think it’s hypocritical of the bride considering her extended family members are invited yet not the groom’s? How does that make sense? That’s selfish to me. You can all disagree but nowhere does OP state that she demanded the family to be added to the guest list. She was asked and gave her input and then the bride and groom CHOSE to invite them after.
I think the only thing I would say is not boycotting your son’s wedding because, at the end of the day, it is your son. Don’t let your anger stop you from seeing your son on his big day. You can stay for the ceremony and leave right after if you feel that you would rather spend time with your cousins.” chinchin8989
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think people are ignoring that invites were already mailed out to these cousins, who I assume at this point already RSVP’d. It is extremely rude to rescind an invitation at the last minute, especially when the guests in question haven’t done anything wrong.
It’s not uncommon for parents of the bride and groom to ask for invites for extended family. You asked, they said yes and they sent them invitations. You did nothing wrong. I think you overreacted by saying that other members of your family would not be attending (mother, sisters, daughters) because you shouldn’t be speaking for anyone else.
If you choose not to attend and spend the day with your poor cousins, I totally understand that. I hope your son is able to change the attitude and reinstate the invites.” kratzicorn
12. AITJ For Only Inviting Reliable Attendees To My Daughter's Birthday?
“My daughter will be 2 in a few months and I was planning to have a very small gathering mostly because we’re broke but also because no one showed up to her last birthday except her grandmother.
We had expected a large gathering due to family all saying they would be there. The day of and the night before we got about 20 cancellations. My dad showed up for about five minutes and said he couldn’t stay because ‘too many people were there’.
Would I be the jerk if I only invite those who actually show up? My husband thinks I’m being petty and vindictive but I feel giving 4 months time to decide if you’re coming is plenty to take off work or say you can’t come.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How is it fair for you to spend all of your money to throw a nice party and have people cancel at the last minute? Either put an RSVP date on the invite or just personally invite the select few who you know will 100% come.
Also, as for your dad, give him a heads up on the expected number of people and remind him last year he bailed after only 5 min because it was “too crowded” so you want to know if he will for sure stay for longer this time around with X number of people.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We did the big thing for my daughters first. I was a stressed mess. Tried for her second and almost no one came. BUUUUUT I found it soo much more relaxing and I was like “I’m such a dumb dumb, let’s keep doing this”.
So we did. Family birthdays have been our family, my parents (and now just mum), and my husband’s grandparents. My daughter had her first proper birthday party for her 5th birthday and my son’s having his first proper one this year for his 5th. When they’re younger, they don’t know or care about the difference between literally everyone being there and just those who are close to them.
We chose 5 for the first kid’s birthday for 2 reasons. 1, kids in their preschool are having 5th birthday parties. 2, it’s their last year of preschool so let’s have one party with this group of friends and 3, they’re old enough to want a birthday party. Babies/toddlers birthday parties are for the parents, not the kids.” mazzy31
Another User Comments:
“NTJ . My oldest’s 1st birthday was a disaster. All this “family” wanted a big party, so I did. I baked a baby butt cake in a diaper and it was filled with candy and fortune cookies. Made a homemade ice cream cake too.
Tons of food because of how many people “couldn’t WAIT to celebrate!!!!” 5 people showed up. FIVE out of some 50. So year 2 not planning a darn thing. Then my MIL showed up and wanted to know why there was no party……… She was only there because as an RN on the mom baby unit, she couldn’t work with a cold sore.
So she came to MY HOME instead and got offended when I wouldn’t let her near my son. GAWD I do not miss that woman at all.” ianmoon85
11. AITJ For Giving My Verbally Abusive Partner A Three-Strike Rule?
“For months, my partner has been verbally abusing me (calling me a jerk, pathetic, a waste of space, a waste of air, dragging me for my past before her, etc.).
This was always her reaction when she was angry, frustrated, or upset. Sometimes her feelings were valid, if I’d been dismissive for example. Other times, it was due to her being mad about trivial things.
For the record, I’ve never called her a name, or been abusive in any way, regardless of how angry or upset I am.
I am always civil and respectful.
Anyway, I snapped one day. I told her (for the 50th time) how it makes me feel. But this time I said, she’s got 3 strikes. If she does it 3 more times, then I’m out for good.
She’s now on strike 2.
The first strike was when she was tipsy and decided to hurl a bunch of abuse at me, with some of the most vile stuff I’ve ever been called.
Strike two was today. She decided that my compliments were not good enough. And gave me the silent treatment.
I asked her what was wrong, and she told me to “worship her”. I said no, I wouldn’t, because of how she’d just made me feel like my compliments and love were not good enough for her. And she then called me a jerk and a mean person etc.
She’s now saying I should take this second strike back, and I’m being stubborn and unfair.
Am I the jerk for sticking to my guns and not compromising?”
Another User Comments:
“I (27M) was with/married to someone (32F) for 7 years who treated me like this.
It started verbally and eventually in about year 5 there were 2 events that got physical (her hitting me). We have 2 children together and she will still attempt to treat me like this if she’s having a bad time despite the fact that we’ve not been together for 5 years.
People like this do not change.” silliestgoose95
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But as others have said get out now! She will keep abusing you given a chance, both because she thinks that she has the right to do so, but also because she doesn’t believe for a minute that you will leave at strike 3.
What she’s doing is a well-known tactic when it comes to psychological/mental abuse. She is degrading you with the goal of making you doubt yourselves to the point, where you’ll never leave her because you think that you’re too stupid to fend for yourself/you deserve to get abused because you mess up everything, so she has to fix it for you.
She uses childish tactics like the silent treatment because your compliments weren’t “good enough” and you should “worship her”. She thinks that this shouldn’t count as a “strike 2” even if she called you a jerk etc. because reasons. Dude? That’s not how a healthy relationship should be… ever.
Your partner should never degrade you like that, and they should absolutely not try to make it seem like it was totally okay to do so. In case you need to hear it: men can be victims of partner abuse, you’re not supposed to “just take it.”” Stuebirken
Another User Comments:
“”She’s now saying I should take this second strike back, and I’m being stubborn and unfair.” NTJ. Honestly, I would have taken her demand of taking back the second strike as its own bit of abuse. She demanded you worship her for Christ’s sake.
Women with a goddess complex are not worth the time saved on private time tissue paper. The fact that you’re here shows an impressive, but less-than-healthy level of forbearance on your part because this is…just not a good relationship. If you’re at the part where someone is so abusive that you have to give them a three-strikes rule that they’re not taking seriously to begin with then you should just exit the relationship, preferably while sprinting with a suitcase or by locking them out of your home.
Either way, just stick to your guns if you must stick around, but I thoroughly recommend just leaving.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Telling My Partner She's Not Being Honest About Her Weight?
“Last Thursday, my partner went to a doctor’s appointment, and he mentioned her weight and all of the issues that come with being 122kg/270 pounds.
She initially took it as the doctor insulting her and decided he was a fataphobic “quack” and that she was not going to follow his advice. That’s what I got told Thursday afternoon over the phone. Thursday night I get a call from her about people being judgmental.
To make a long story short, she’s spent, since Thursday, holed up in her apartment, binging. She’s doing this I’ll-Show-You to the doctor, that’s my interpretation. I know she’s binging because I can see on my phone where she goes. Grocery store, fast food place, fast food, fast food.
She canceled our special night as well. This morning, I sent her a text saying that I loved her and that this current situation is worrying me. I told her that, while again I do love her and I’m not here to police her body, she needs to stop lying to herself and acting like the Dr. had some pre-planned plot to make her feel bad.
I told her it’s time to be honest with herself and about her weight. She texted back that I’m being unkind & judgmental.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Hey. I work with substance/booze addicts and don’t really have Involvement in ED specifically but just wanted to say a few things.
1. Your partner doesn’t need to focus on her body weight. She should be focusing on her eating habits. The two can be related but often aren’t. 2. You can’t change her habits. You can only control yourself. Staying with someone and watching them harm themselves is an incredibly painful thing.
You might need to get therapy. You can’t make her be healthy. 3. You can’t control anything but your own actions. Be prepared to walk away. Make sure you emphasize you don’t care about her body’s shape or size. She is going to say you are leaving “Because she’s fat.” But that’s not true.
You care about her health. You can’t watch her make herself sick for the next 50 years. Try to phrase it like that. She’s sick and needs help. Therapy and a nutritionist. You can’t just ignore her having a chronic illness and refusing to get treatment.
Hope this POV helps.” Hwats_In_A_Name
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Plenty of doctors are fatphobic, especially to women, and it literally kills people, BUT responding to that by binge eating is a sign that there is definitely something wrong with her mental health regardless of her physical health.
As far as physical health goes, blood tests will do more than height and weight numbers to show what her actual health status is. If the doctor is making recs based on BMI, find a new doctor and get blood and liver function tests. As long as those numbers look good, weight is not a major concern.” Sandlicker
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s complicated because yes, her weight can be causing her health issues, but it is not necessarily causing all of her health issues. A doctor might take the easy out and rather than truly evaluate her, instead blaming her weight when that may not be the sole problem or cause.
I think, without having firsthand heard the conversation with her and her doctor, it is hard to know if that is the situation here or not (or possibly a little of both). I think it is fair to be worried about your partner’s weight and overall health, but it also can start to tip towards what may feel like body shaming for her.
I’m sure that she has faced a lot of unkindness and judgment so she may be particularly sensitive to it. Also, it sounds like your partner is not mentally in a good place. Ultimately losing weight or living a healthier lifestyle is up to your partner.
She has to make that choice.” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Communicate With My Ex's Abusive Wife?
“I have been divorced for 13 years and my youngest child just turned 18. The divorce was awful and so have the past 13 years. The ex married immediately after the divorce, and the new wife, let’s call her Cindy started being the one to give demands since the beginning.
I have asked for the last 13 years to only communicate with my ex-husband, but this has fallen on deaf ears. I won’t go into details, but a lot of communication has been abusive from both of them with no provocation from me.
The children are now adults with the youngest turning 18 last fall.
I was looking forward to the day I no longer had to communicate with either one of them. I had blocked them both, but got a new phone and forgot to block them again. Last week Cindy sent me a request for my health insurance card copy.
They have been given this multiple times and I have sent them their own copies. That night the youngest who I will call Gina called and explained what was needed, and I sent a copy of the cards to her that I just got for the prescription.
This was not asked by Cindy.
Tonight I received a text asking for my address. I sent back a response of for what. This text was ignored so I asked the ex let’s call him Jack why she wanted my address. He responded and I provided my address again.
She then started blowing up my text saying I was rude and she couldn’t answer because she was at work. I was at work when I got the text as well and responded immediately, but she doesn’t respect my schedule.
She has now said that I am banned from a previous invitation to the graduation party for the oldest as she went to college in the same town that they live in.
I emailed Cindy, Jack, and included Gina and Amelia in the email so they are aware of what their stepmother has said to me.
So AITJ for not wanting to communicate with my ex’s wife because anytime I do she verbally assaults me, or for making sure my adult children know what their stepmother has said to me.”
Another User Comments:
“Why does your ex-husband’s wife need your address and insurance info? This info should be given to your children if they need it, if they are still covered by your insurance and under the age of 25, and are full-time students. New wifey has no reason to have this very private info.
Give her the name of your lawyer and tell her all inquiries must go through the lawyer. And all lawyer fees are paid by the inquiring party.” MaxnJedisMom
Another User Comments:
“No, your kids are over 18. You do not need to talk to her and block them from everything.
Your over 18-year-old kids will need you to tell them to come to you directly. You tell your kids you will deal with them. If the graduation party is at their home there is not a lot you can do. You have your own separate party from now on with your kids.” mcmurrml
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like Cindy has an insecurity problem there. After 13 years she is still trying to block your ex and you don’t have direct contact because of her insecurities. And you have been very patient. I assume for your children but to be honest, I would have told her a long time ago that if she contacts me one more time I will go to the cops.
I am not 100% sure but I think if you repeatedly asked her to stop contacting you, is going toward assault/harassing. Basically, you should just ignore her. Your boundary was stepped over for 13 years but now you can put that wall higher to prevent she comes over again.” Mundane_Morning9454
8. AITJ For Standing Up To My Dad About My Nibling's Gender Identity?
“Once a week, members of my family get together for dinner, back and forth between each other’s houses. For the last ten years it was me (46F), my spouse (43M), our son (25M), and my parents (in their 70s, why can’t I remember??). In the last few months, my mom has been picking up my nibling (gender-neutral term for niece/nephew fyi) and nephew from school, so they’ve been joining us, which I love.
My nibling is exploring gender & orientation, and we’ve been talking a lot about pride month lately. We started talking about it at dinner the other night. Apparently, their other grandmother is being a jerk about names and pronouns–like she will get mad at anyone who respects my nibling’s preferences.
I told the nib, don’t be totally disrespectful, but stand your ground and don’t let her or anyone bully you out of what is right for you. I told them, you belong to yourself, and YOU decide what and who you are. Not any grandma or parent or anyone else.
My dad was displeased. “She’s your elder,” he kept saying. I finally told him, “No, that’s nonsense. Being older doesn’t mean you get to be a jerk and boss other people around. It’s a new world, better watch yourself if you want the youngers’ respect.”
My family is close and loud and roasts each other a lot, and they expect me to be mouthy, so there wasn’t really a huge uproar over it, but I could tell he was not pleased. So I just thought I would ask some uninvolved people for a reality check.
AITJ? This isn’t really something that my dad and I would sit down and have a heart-to-heart about; he’s not really that kind of guy.”
Another User Comments:
“There’s different types of respect and different ways of showing respect. Some of my elders, for example, are respectful people.
They have a live-and-let-live attitude. Others do not. I avoid the ones who don’t respect me and spend time with the ones who do. Now, elders all over deserve care and compassion and help, because the world today is *drastically* different from their world and they are frequently lost and vulnerable.
We will be too, at their age, and should treat them how we want to be treated by our kids. But we don’t have to let them hurt us.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Thank you for standing up for your nibling. I’m nonbinary myself and wish I had more family willing to stand up to other family for me.
You know where this backlash would be targeted if you hadn’t put yourself between them, and we get enough of this trash without having to deal with it from family as well, even as adults (never mind the effect it has on kids). You’re shielding your nibling, and I wish I had someone like you in my family.
Extremely NTJ, and thank you for giving me hope that things are getting better.” snek-without-oreos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Thank you for standing up for and helping your nibling! It’s never the easiest journey and when family treats you poorly, statistics have shown time and time again higher rates of depression and homelessness for LGBTQIA+ folks.
While it sounds like a lot of your family is supportive, which is fantastic, that doesn’t make it okay for their grandmother to act like that. And what’s more important, respecting elders out of date with wrong opinions, or supporting a family member who needs it?
I think the answer is obvious and you did the right thing. If they want respect, they better give respect. Respect is earned not by age but by your actions.” Lo10bee
7. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Quit His Stable Job For A Risky Plan?
“My husband and I are both in our mid-30s. We have four children.
My husband works full-time at a health facility, making good money. This job comes with full benefits. He has a part-time job as a food delivery driver. He recently got a degree in a different field. He has decided to quit his full-time job and is deciding to work at the food delivery job full-time while he looks for a job in the new field.
His car is unreliable and breaks down a lot, so I don’t think working the delivery job full-time is a good idea. He has had to cancel shifts at the delivery job due to issues with the car.
Well, he told me he put in notice to resign from the healthcare job.
He did this without discussing it with me. The agreement was he would quit when he found a job in the new field. He hasn’t even started looking for a job in the new field. He says he is doing what’s best for him.
I do not feel this is what is best for our family. If the car finally breaks down for good, no more delivery job. Why put more wear and tear on a vehicle that has already proven to be unreliable at times? Why give up full benefits?
He says he can easily get a job in the new field. Well, why hasn’t he started applying? His reasoning is they will want him to start right away, and he won’t be able to finish his notice period he gave the current employer.
This doesn’t make any sense to me.
AITJ for being upset?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he has four children, doing what’s best for him means doing what’s best for his children. He could have kept both jobs and bought a better car, even if it was used or a few years old.
I think you really need to sit him down and explain how this plan of his is more of a whim than a plan. And find out whether he quit or was let go.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My ex did this to me when I was 8 months pregnant with our second child then had a suspiciously bad run of luck with jobs, and came to find out (much later) that he had been fired from one of those for claims of harassment from two female employees so who knows about the rest. One of the jobs he lost because he couldn’t complete his probation period after a serious accident on the way home from his affair partner’s house which I found out about because I got a call from the local police to advise me, said police officers jurisdiction was around 100 miles from where he told me he was going to be that weekend…” Applejack235
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here however you mentioned how he left a high-paying job, question is what are you doing for work? If you’re not working as well it’s really unfair to throw all that weight only on his shoulders while you mainly see it as a problem.
If he’s having burnout and wanting to switch fields I think you should understand that working in a health facility is really stressful. You can be upset because the temporary job doesn’t make sense as the car breaks down often, but you can’t be upset that he wants to leave an environment that he views unpleasant.” allieadventurer
6. AITJ For Limiting Screen Time If My Son Stays Home?
“My son (14) has expressed not wanting to attend religious services with his mother and me, and my wife and I are certain it’s because he wants more time to play video games and watch TV while we’re out.
Screen time is a major struggle, and especially now that he’s on break he spends way too much time on the TV, phone, or computer, to the exclusion of almost anything else unless forced to. Any time we want to go out and do something as a family, or invite him to do another activity of his choosing, it’s always a battle because he doesn’t want to leave his electronics and internet and any time we impose anything on his schedule, he guilt trips or berates us asking to be able to stay up late to have more time for himself (which he spends playing computer games and watching TV).
I’m 100% okay with him not attending the religious services if he doesn’t want to. I don’t want to force any religion on him, and my wife and I mostly attend services socially as she and my son were born overseas, and it’s one of the few opportunities for them to speak their native language here in the USA and be in a community that shares their culture and nationality.
He has several friends and usually has an enjoyable time there. Overall it’s about 2 hours a week. That’s about the only time he regularly leaves the house, lately as most times we try and do anything he complains, back-talks, invents fake illnesses, asks to stay home to get out of it, and generally tries to make everyone miserable if he has to go.
Whether on a family outing, walking the dogs on the riverfront, or going to the store.
While I’m 100% okay with him not attending religious services, I am not okay with him choosing to spend 2 extra hours on the internet while we’re away, so I told him that he’s welcome to stay home but that I’d be turning off the internet and his electronics while we are out, and that I’d like him to spend that time learning, improving himself, doing something productive, etc. in a way that he finds appropriate.
He immediately got mad, accused us of punishing him for not going, and stormed off and switched on the TV.
I don’t feel like I’m punishing him, just not enabling him to spend more time on things that already take up too much of his life, though grounding from electronics is his standard punishment because nothing else seems to motivate him.
Am I the jerk for expecting him to find something else worthwhile to do if he doesn’t go with us?”
Another User Comments:
“The issue is that you’re conflating two issues. One is attending church or not. The other is his screen addiction. When I was a kid, I watched TV after I got home from school until my parents got home from work.
I’d watch shows just waiting for my shows to come on. By the time my parents were home I was in a foul mood. It’s probably some problem with dopamine. You can expect him to stubbornly resist limits on screen time, but that just comes with the territory of screen addiction.
By bringing up screen time while discussing church attendance, you linked two unrelated problems and undermined your position on both. It was reasonable of your son to see this as punishment for not attending services. Sit down with him and let him know you made a mistake confusing two issues.
It’s important for kids to see their parents model apologies for mistakes. It doesn’t undermine your authority, it enhances it. If he sees you can admit a mistake, then times when you didn’t make a mistake and didn’t back down come with much more authority.
Tell him that the problem isn’t Church attendance but screen time and work out some new rules around that. These may still include limiting screen time during services, or they may not. Getting your son to help come up with the screen time limits will give him a sense of ownership of them and improve his compliance.
Not that you can expect him to be happy about the new rules. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He is doing what many 14-year-olds do today. As long as he’s doing school and puts enough into that – let him spend as much time as he wants.
What’s the point of him spending 2 hours bored while you’re out at service. He’ll only resent you. Chances are this is something he will naturally grow out of. If you create issues you’ll make him more determined to carry on with it.” MerlinBiggs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for limiting screen time. There are tons of posts of people complaining about their SO’s ‘addiction’ to online gaming. But don’t confuse this with the churchgoing. Set limits so it is up to him when he has screen time, but be firm with the times.
If you agree say 2 hours a day/14 hours a week and an extra 5 minutes fixed daily, and the 14 hours have been used by day 3, then that’s it for the week. He can check his emails for the minutes a day the rest of the week.” Opening-Artist-7428
5. AITJ For Telling My Childless Sister That Imaginary Kids Are Easy To Parent?
“My sister (27) is very critical of my parenting. My son (4) is very shy and usually doesn’t speak to people outside myself and my wife. He’s also very picky and refuses to eat anything he doesn’t like to or wear anything he doesn’t find comfortable. Sometimes this is difficult, but that’s being a parent.
My sister is constantly making remarks like “I’m going to raise my children to be polite and sociable” “My kids will eat what I cook or not at all” “My kids will be so helpful and dress themselves every morning” and such. I hate these comments.
Everyone thinks they will do great, but the reality is harder.
This morning my son refused to eat his eggs because there were little chopped-up bits of scallions. I started making a fresh batch of eggs for him. My sister scolded me and said I was teaching him to be entitled. But if I didn’t make him something he wouldn’t eat, and he needs to eat.
My sister started lecturing me again about how she was going to raise her future children.
I said “yeah, well imaginary children are easy to parent. You don’t have kids, so you don’t know what you’re talking about.” She got quiet and left. My mom says I was a huge jerk for mocking her for not having kids or being married yet (the guy she thought was going to propose broke up with her, so she’s sensitive about this).
I said she was holding me to an impossible standard by comparing me and my son to children who aren’t even real. My mom said she was just trying to help and I threw it back in her face. What’s the reality? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Blabbering about non-existent children is not helping someone. You didn’t mock her either, you only made the point that she’s sharing opinions without any valid experience to support them. Even if your kiddo doesn’t have a diagnosis to explain his behavior, he’s still an individual with his own desires and preferences that can clash with your own.
Expecting otherwise, like your sister does, is unhealthy. I’m not a parent nor do I wish to be, but even I am aware that this is what parenthood involves.” HollasForADollas
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say NTJ because unsolicited parenting advice isn’t helpful and often doesn’t do much good.
But as someone who has experience with kids and has worked for them for well over a decade, you are doing a disservice to him with the food thing. Of course, kids shouldn’t be forced to eat things they don’t like. However, I’d start offering options and once he picks one thing, that’s it.
He’s not getting a second meal. He certainly doesn’t have to eat it and can help himself to things he can easily grab (fresh fruit, etc). It may seem harsh, but it does teach kids to be mindful of food and creates easier mealtime habits.
The social stuff will get better in time, especially as he enters school. And the clothes thing is just every child. Overall, you’re right. Parenting is easier when there’s no child there. Everyone is a perfect mom or dad until they have a kid. Your sister needs to back off.” madammayorislove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Our daughter spent a year with her bio dad and came back super picky. She was diagnosed with severe ADHD and some other issues. We did spend a lot of time remaking food for her, but we agreed she needed to eat.
My wife would say “ok. I respect that there’s something you don’t like about it. However, since we have to make it again, you’re going to help so that we don’t accidentally make it how you don’t like it.” Thus began our daughter learning how to cook.
She was about 4 or 5. We got kid safety tools and started out simple. Toast, eggs, the usual. It had the benefit of letting her figure out and tell us what she liked as well as teaching her about her food. It also gave us huge bonding time and the opportunities to introduce new things to her.
Now, our daughter is an awesome cook.
Sometimes, I just kind of side-eye her preferences, like she’ll put sweet and sour sauce in a dipping dish then put a couple of drops of tiger sauce in it, stir it up, and use that to dip her taquitos in.
Or she’ll use hummus as a chip dip. But, like one thing she loves is taking carrots and putting them in a shallow baking dish with a bit of water in the bottom (steaming) then she’ll spritz with olive oil, sprinkle garam masala then cover and bake at 325 degrees in the oven for about 45 min.
Out comes this delicious savory sweet side dish she’ll serve with chicken breast cutlets or hamburger patties. Point being, we brought her in on making meals so she could explore what she liked as she learned. Maybe something like that would help your kiddo?? Worth a try and it would be something to give you bonding opportunities.” DetectiveResident391
In All seriousness though my youngest was 3-4 when he started being a picky eater and being sensitive to certain fabrics too so would only wear certain types of clothing etc.. turns out he’s autistic and has adhd. His dad and step mother used to force him or try to eat veg etc that he didn’t like.. safe to say he has no relationship with them now as he’s 17 and told them where to go. So if sis wants a relationship with your kiddo she may want to get of her high horse and your mother needs to parent her daughter too. The fact her ex broke up with her doesn’t give her the rights to have a tantrum when u call out her crappy unwanted opinions and parenting advice when like you say invisible kids are easy to parent
4. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Roommate For Stretching My New Clothes?
“Recently, I have been noticing that any new clothes I get are becoming less tight and looser a few days after first purchasing them. It was making me doubt myself if I was the reason for that like maybe I was gaining weight, and was losing them when I tried them on myself.
But then I found out that it was actually my roommate who had been trying them out for “a few hours” when I wasn’t home. I went crazy at her she basically ruined like 5 new sets of expensive clothes, they are so loose now because of her larger body and I look so ridiculous and uncomfortable in them as I’m much skinnier than her.
Her excuse was that they looked so nice that she wanted to try them out (“especially when she has a problem finding nice clothes she can wear” her words) and I don’t like it because she didn’t tell me about it until I caught her myself.
She said that she thought it was something so insignificant that she didn’t need permission from me.
Let’s just say that things didn’t go well and I decided to get a lock for my closet which offended her and got her on the defensive especially when I called her “fat” (which she is, she is literally obese, she is 80kg 157 cm)
AITJ?
Note: I didn’t insult her with “fat” it wasn’t an insult, it was just me telling her that our body sizes are very different which is where I used the word “fat” to describe her body size which she took as an insult and that offended her and got her on the defensive.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Who tries on someone else’s clothes, especially EXPENSIVE clothes, without asking? It was mean to call her fat but she has to know you’re not the same size since she’s been stretching out your clothing. You would have been better off explaining to her what happened and asking her to just buy them from you at that point because they can no longer fit you properly before you go verbally insulting her and throwing locks on your closet door.” BluuBoose
Another User Comments:
“Fat girl here, OP I’m voting NTJ. Fat people know we’re fat. If OP had attacked the roommate’s weight arbitrarily, then absolutely, OP would be the jerk, but that’s not the case. This is a case of both privacy invasion and refusal to be self-aware.
The roommate knew she was in the wrong from the beginning. That’s why she hid it. And she darn sure knew that she was too big for the clothes and decided that it didn’t matter. The roommate is trying to deflect and turn it into a body-shaming issue to avoid the true facts: she knew she was wrong.
There’s nothing inherently wrong about being fat, I tell people outright that I’m fat. There is a problem, however, with refusing to acknowledge that you are built differently. If I try to put on a shirt that’s two sizes too small for me, knowing it’s too small, I’m KNOWINGLY stretching those clothes out.
She knew she was ruining the clothes and did it because she wanted them. If she had done the same thing while shopping, she’d still be a jerk and would probably still make it about “fat shaming” her instead of it being about her needing to accept her body and shop accordingly.
Additionally, she invaded OP’s space and belongings. The fact that she was offended at OP for putting a lock on the closet heavily implies that the roommate still planned to go ahead and wear the clothes since in her eyes “it’s so insignificant that she didn’t need permission”.
Unless OP is using a hallway closet, her roommate went into her room when she was gone and just started helping herself to whatever she felt like. She’s always known she was wrong for that or else she wouldn’t have been sneaky about making sure it only happened when OP was gone.
Bottom line, this isn’t a fat shaming issue, this is a respecting other’s property issue. The roommate is just trying to deflect.” Thetheifofalways
Another User Comments:
“Oh, god the stretched-out clothes. I had the same thing happen to me with a college roommate. It’s not so much that she was fat, it’s that I was extremely thin.
My parents were really frugal, my summer work covered books but not stylish clothes, so my wardrobe was really basic. I had ONE beautiful, authentic Fair Isle sweater, and I almost cried when I saw my roommate (who had even less money than I did) wearing it in the dining hall.
It was all stretched out. I’m sure I’m blocking it and was likely awful to her about it, but we parted amicably when we graduated. Saw her at a reunion, and I kid you not, she looked fabulous and was married to minor Italian nobility and living the villa life in Italy (other friends visited her there every year).
Her memory of me was that I inspired her to stop feeling so much guilt and go out and explore and enjoy (which she told me in front of all of our friends, so that was fun). My memory of her was that I was still a little mad about the sweater.” Patiod
3. AITJ For Telling My Ex She Was Using Her Depression As An Excuse?
“My ex has big anxiety and depression issues. When we started seeing each other she was taking meds and seeing a therapist. When she told me these things it didn’t matter to me.
Everyone has their own issues. So for a while, our relationship was very good. Fast forward to when we move in together after a year of seeing each other.
I work full-time and, at the time, did 48-50 hours per week. She was only working at a retail store at the time and was part-time.
At the time we had an agreement between us that she would be the one to do most of the housework like dishes, laundry, etc since she worked less. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t help out. Instead of it being 50/50 it was more like 25/75.
Without trying to make this too long over time the chores wouldn’t get done. Quite literally there would be a mountain of clothes that would pile up in our hallway because another mountain of clothes would be in the laundry room of the apartment.
You had to walk on top of clothes between our living room and bedroom there was so much. Part of the issue with all the clothes was she had a TON of clothes she didn’t wear but wouldn’t get rid of. She had had an eating disorder before we met and was only like 95 lbs roughly.
Because I made sure she would eat she gained about 20 lbs so a lot of her clothes didn’t fit but she still kept them.
On top of laundry, dishes would also pile up. Clutter would be everywhere. Anytime I would try and nicely ask if she could get to them she would always have an excuse or get snappy.
I’m not confrontational so I would usually just leave it. Or do it myself. Around this time she also stopped taking her meds and no longer went to therapy. A lot of her excuses also revolved around her not feeling like she could do them or she didn’t have the energy.
Sometimes she would sleep 12-14 hours per day. Or spend a large chunk of the day watching Netflix. Another thing to note is this didn’t go on for just days. This was weeks and months.
One day after hearing the energy excuse again I couldn’t take it anymore.
I got upset and basically said, “I really feel like you’re using your depression as an excuse.” She exploded on me calling me a jerk, saying I didn’t understand, and I’m sure there was more arguing.
I told her I understood she had mental health issues but it was also her job to deal with it.
I was always there to do what I could to help her but she also had to make an effort. Again more “I’m the jerk” talk. She would then say “you get to enjoy playing your video games when you’re home. I want to be able to enjoy when I’m home too.” I also always cleaned up after myself yet she didn’t more often than not.
So the majority of the mess would be hers anyway.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“All I can say is that it is extremely common for a person with severe mental health issues not to be able to cope with basic self-care or chores. This is not using illness as an excuse, it’s an indication of how badly illness affects people.
At the same time, I am hesitant to call you a jerk in this, because I do see your POV. I think it’s more a case of incompatibility between you two than anything else, so the fact that she is an ex is probably the best thing for you both.
I’m gonna go for no jerks here.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get your side and understand that it was draining and that you eventually lost your temper. At the same time, I’ve been in your ex’s shoes, and know that depression and anxiety are tough to live with.
It can block you from being able to execute even simple things, and as pressure builds, it gets even harder. I don’t know your ex, but it seems plausible that what she said was true, and that you added pressure on her which made it even more impossible for her to take care of things.
I also want to add that it sucks to do work at home. You’re never truly free, there is always more you can do, which makes it even more impossible to handle if you’re depressed. The workload never ceases. Even though it’s reasonable that the one working fewer hours is doing more chores, it may have been impossible for her to handle.” glorious_echidna
Another User Comments:
“I….kind of feel like this is either a YTJ or ESH. She might be in the wrong for doing as you said and using her depression as an excuse, BUT everything you described sounded exactly like signs of severe depression, so I’m doubtful.
You…don’t have any experience with depression and it shows. “I told her I understood she had mental health issues but it was also her job to deal with it.” No, it is not anyone’s “job” to “deal with” their mental health issues.
Having mental health issues is not some kind of responsibility she chose to have. It is a condition that she is suffering from. You should have had a conversation with her about how she’s feeling and if she’s truly okay, because it sounds like, due to your unwillingness to confront her, her depression got worse.
And when you did confront her, you immediately resorted to doubting her condition. You seriously need to change your views about mental health. All I can say is I’m glad you guys are broken up.” Quokkallou
2. AITJ For Not Cleaning Up After My IBS-Induced Bathroom Incidents?
“My (20F) partner (20M) of 3 years doesn’t like when I fart or poop.
He says I’m only supposed to have “little toots” because I am a girl. I have IBS and chronic constipation and take Miralax in order to have a bowel movement because I am always constipated. I will go 3 weeks without pooping without Miralax. As a result of having to take Miralax daily, I fart quite frequently and they are smelly.
Another obvious result of the miralax, is my bowel movements are runny and sometimes diarrhea.
We spend a lot of time together at his house usually every day. His farts and poops are stinky as heck and I don’t get mad when he farts or poops, we’ll joke about it but I’m definitely nowhere near the level of dramatic-ness as he is.
Today and yesterday we hung out at his house. My gas was very bad yesterday and he was getting upset and disgusted. He was saying things like “DISGUSTING” and “You’re actually so gross” and “NASTY”. And tells me I’m supposed to have “little toots” again because I am a girl.
It hurts my feelings because I can’t control it and I’m not going to run to the bathroom to fart because he’s too much of a wimp to hear me fart.
Today my diarrhea and gas were very bad. I had to run to the bathroom and he could hear the poop squirt out of me while he was in the living room and he was yelling about how nasty that is.
Since it was extremely liquidy it splashed around the toilet. Flushing didn’t get rid of all of it. The rim had some poop on it. I didn’t clean the bowl because I knew there would be more later.
I flushed and cleaned the bidet though.
He went to use the bathroom and said EW WHAT THE HECK DUDE THAT’S DISGUSTING. I think he could spray it off with his pee if he wants the poop off that badly. I told him I’m sorry that you’re too much of a wimp to see a little poop.
We got into an argument about how it’s nasty for me to fart and poop like this. About how I am a girl and he doesn’t want to hear loud poops and farts from me. Also about how this isn’t the first time, and how he had to take the blame for my runny poops because his mom was home & was mad at me about the splashy poop in the toilet bowl.
So he took the blame for me. We don’t argue very much but this is a slight problem. He is being stand-off-ish now. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH, he’s acting like a complete child over bodily functions you can’t control, even less so because of your conditions.
However… “Since it was extremely liquidy it splashed around the toilet. Flushing didn’t get rid of all of it. The rim had some poop on it. I didn’t clean the bowl because I knew there would be more later.” Yeah no that’s absolutely gross.
You dirty something, you clean it up, especially when there are other people in the house. “I think he could spray it off with his pee if he wants the poop off that badly. I told him I’m sorry that you’re too much of a wimp to see a little poop.” It’s not up to other people to deal with your mess.” Vixen7-9
Another User Comments:
“ESH, everyone here is talking about the bowl, which is obviously disgusting, but am I the only one who wouldn’t want to be around someone who’s constantly farting? Farts obviously happen and that’s fine but when you’re around other people you generally try to control it.
“I told him I’m sorry that you’re too much of a wimp to see a little poop.” So after making a mess in his house and purposely not cleaning it you blamed him and insulted him? Nice. “Also about how this isn’t the first time, and how he had to take the blame for my runny poops because his mom was home & was mad at me about the splashy poop in the toilet bowl.” Imagine having to take the fall for your partner’s poop because you don’t want to tell your parents they’re too much of a slob to bother to clean it up… OP how are you not embarrassed by this!??” rachmaninoffkills
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – literally clean your crap! No one wants to see that. That is really gross. As for the farting, both of you guys dislike each other passing gas in front of each other so, both of you go to the bathroom if it is that stinky.
I would think given your bowel issues that you would want to be in the bathroom because a fart is not always a fart. Especially when you know you have diarrhea. I get the whole bowel issue problems as I have been dealing with it for years.
But poop spreads disease. Just no.” SandwichThin3487
1. AITJ For Taking Back My Shampoo And Conditioner From My Brother Who Refuses To Replace Them?
“My “still figuring it out” brother is M19, almost 20, and still lives at our parents’ house, rent-free. He and I both have separate bedrooms upstairs, therefore we share a bathroom. I clean our bathroom, replace the T.P., and replace his and my shampoo and conditioner, and all of our shower products like soap.
I would just make him do it, but he refuses to.
One day, he came up to me and told me to stop using “his shampoo and conditioner.” Turns out that for 2 years he’s been using my Rose Petal shampoo and conditioner. We got into a big fight about it, which made me snap.
I took my shampoo and conditioner, all the toilet paper I replaced, and only cleaned my side of the sink, and whenever I needed one of those products I would use it, then put it away in my bedroom. Once he figured it out, he blew up on me and screamed at me calling me an “arrogant jerk.” AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Well, you and your parents are being taken advantage of. Try and talk to them about it like you have here. You’re a minor and you have every right to the amenities of your parents’ home. You SHOULDN’T have to provide for your useless brother.
It’s almost time to start looking at colleges and certificate programs and such. Maybe find something that’ll get you on the road to independence quicker. If your parents don’t kick him out, then you’ll be able to escape on your own. 2 years isn’t so long.
However, if he ever gets physical in any way, just call the police. Skip the parents, straight to the police. Be safe. You’re obviously NTJ for wanting your belongings to yourself.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Uuuh NTJ, but I am worried and angry to hear OP’s brother expects OP (under 18 from subsequent comments) to not only shop but also clean for him.
What on earth is this brother’s problem that this is a normal expectation of a younger sibling?! I have some concerns about the assumption that this labor and literal cost is expected of a female(?) sibling. Even if I’m mistaken about gender and who is paying for this, the cleaning should be a give-and-take arrangement, not a take-and-take because entitled brother.
I’m wondering if the parent/s are aware of what’s going on here, but regardless, removing the shampoo and such from the bathroom seems like the best move. I do hope brother does not escalate given his reaction at the moment.” 404Fox_Not_Found
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you’re treading the line with the “still figuring it out” and chastising him for living at home when he’s 19. Both of those are totally normal at that age. But yes, you are in the right because you are buying the items. He should buy his own soap.” Unnecessary_Timeline
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