People Want Us To Respond To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Fighting With My Wife Over A Watch?
“My wife and I have been together since our early 20s and during that period of time, my mother passed away. My mom gave me a watch around a year before she passed away.
Ever since my wife first laid eyes on it she has struggled to keep her mouth shut about it.
She is constantly calling it things like ‘ugly’ ‘bootleg’ and ‘tacky.’ My family and HERS as well told her to stop and lay off that including me.
Once she even went as far as to say ‘I know she was struggling but could she really not find a better-looking watch before she passed away?’
I grew completely enraged at that moment I screamed and yelled at her and gave her the silent treatment for about a week. She had apologized and I forgave her and I thought that was the end of it.
Just last week she was with one of her friends; one specifically I cannot stand because of how she’s always trying to instigate something between us but this time she went too far.
She and my wife thought it would be funny to tease me and toss the watch around.
While I was chasing them around they were tossing it around the house making jokes about how ‘ugly’ it was.
I completely snapped and told her to give it back but that wasn’t the end of it. She thought it would be funny to throw it in the trash and then say ‘there it is.’ I dug in the trash and found it.
I became relieved seeing as it had no scratches and was still clean. I turned to my wife and said as calmly as I could to get out.
She started crying saying ‘are you really gonna do this in front of our children?’ And I ignored her and waited for her to leave.
She stormed out and her friend called me a jerk on her way out. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as your wife is very cruel to keep playing these mean games. I agree with whoever said that you should put the watch somewhere safe where your wife can’t find it—maybe give it to a family member to hold on to.
You should also look at your marriage and see if your wife is really the person you want to grow old with. If you want to consider divorce you should do some research on the down-low—can you & your wife afford to divorce & maintain your current standard of living?
Check your credit report to make sure your wife isn’t taking credit out in your name w/o your knowledge. Make sure you have a good understanding of all your financials.
Please know that I’m not suggesting that you prevent your wife from getting what is owed to her but rather I want you to make sure that she is not hiding assets or debt and planning to divorce you.” Newauntie26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your wife sounds kinda jealous to me. You care deeply about that watch. She has seen how much you value it. She probably never liked it and was honest with any initial assessments of it.
But I’m guessing if she saw any sort of defensiveness from you towards her about the watch, it then became a whole thing for her. How dare you value something more than her? Especially something ‘tacky’?
What was the relationship like between your wife and your mother?
And what was the relationship like between you and your mother? (I’m not asking for an answer, but just asking you to think about it.) If the relationship between your wife and mother wasn’t very good (or if it was incredibly close between you and your mother), it’s possible she might ascribe some symbolism to the watch.
She might feel like she couldn’t compete with your mother, so she will do her best to exorcise your mother’s ghost from your life.
Regardless of any possible deeper meanings behind her actions, the fact remains that she has messed up.
If she’s out right now, you need to sit down and consider whether you want her to stay out or not. And that’s not a decision to be made quickly or lightly. Take the time you need to process your feelings about this incident.” HedgieTwiggles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, however, it’s not really about the watch per se but a total lack of respect from your wife to you. The watch is a materialistic item however the treatment from your wife is completely uncalled for and a hateful way to treat your spouse you supposedly love.
If it was a few times of saying it was ugly etc it could be overlooked but the constant and deliberate degrading of your mother and the unforgettable things she’s said is too much.
As for you telling her to leave it’s understandable.
She was fine until her friend came over and they began the verbal assault but worse. Then she tried to guilt trip you for telling her to leave in front of the kids however their behavior in front of them was much worse than you telling her to leave.
Y’all definitely didn’t need to be around each other right then because it could have gotten worse and because it was her and her friend it was better for them to leave than you.
This childish behavior between them is ruining your marriage.
Not sure what has happened previously but I’d assume this isn’t her first time trying to belittle you since she was so comfortable doing so. Depending on her next move/behavior will determine if the marriage can be repaired. This is of her doing and she knows better.” Some-Guy-997
20. WIBTJ If I Don't See My MIL For Mother's Day?
“My husband’s mother is traveling to see a relative and asked about doing a long layover in our city. She talked with my husband about it, then sent a follow-up text to both of us. We didn’t have anything going on that weekend, so I agreed.
I just realized looking at the calendar that the day she’s slotted to visit is the day before Mother’s Day. After talking with my husband, he confirmed that part of the purpose of the visit was to celebrate Mother’s Day.
My mother passed away a little over a year ago after a long battle with cancer. We were incredibly close, and her passing has been hard on me. I miss her every day. Last year, I told my husband I didn’t want anything to do with Mother’s Day, so he did all the presents buying and celebrating on his own.
I kind of assumed it would be that way into perpetuity. I don’t have a mother to celebrate with, so I just planned to ignore the holiday until I have children of my own.
To be fully transparent, my MIL and I do not get along.
It is mostly a difference in personality rather than a singular issue. The last visit ended poorly, but I was okay moving past that until I realized the date.
The thought of having to spend Mother’s Day celebrating someone who is not my mom is upsetting to me.
I told my husband I didn’t think I could do it. He was annoyed, saying we’d already agreed. I said he could go without me, but it wasn’t something I could handle. If I’d realized what weekend it was (or if he’d pointed out that it was Mother’s Day weekend), I would have requested a different date.
WIBTJ if I stayed home when my MIL came and made my husband visit with her on his own? Or do I need to******* up for the few hours she’d be there?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He said he knew the visit was for mother’s day, yet didn’t even bother to tell you till it was already agreed upon, which he may have done purposely.
I would take it a step further and book the weekend away for you to be able to relax and avoid any drama, cause I’m sure if you are home, there will be.
She may be your MIL but you don’t have a close or super friendly relationship with her, so you shouldn’t have to******* up to celebrate her, she has her son for that.
So sorry about your mom.” McflyThrowaway01
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with soft YTJ because while you have a right to want to not celebrate Mother’s Day, you also don’t have a right to not allow your hubby to celebrate his own Mother.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t get along with her or not, she is his Mother and he has a right to see her/celebrate her. You can’t just make the choice to shut down the holiday for everyone else.” DogRescueLady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Grieving is not linear, healing isn’t either, unfortunately. Explain that even though it’s been a year, the date is still tender to you and you don’t feel emotionally ready yet. I also think YOU shouldn’t be expected to hang out with someone else’s mother (who you don’t even like) on mothers day.” ***************
19. AITJ For Being "Rude" To My Family?
“I (24F) have a very toxic family and last year, I had to cut out a family member (57F) because she was spreading lies about me and my husband on social media. She was upset because I got married young and tried telling everyone that my husband is awful, he kidnapped me, and was forcing me to cut ties with my family.
The worst part was that she was messaging my friends and exes to see if I was able to communicate since my husband has me in a domestic abuse relationship. He has not done anything of the sort.
We’ve been married for two years and been together for 3 years versus this family member who has been married six times and had men walk over her and take her money.
Recently, a family group chat was formed and she was on it.
Today, everyone was mentioning what they were going to be doing. I told them I was going to be going to a sports bar to hang out with friends (mind you, I’m currently 8 weeks pregnant) and I understand that I shouldn’t be going to a sports bar, but it wasn’t like I was going there to drink (I also don’t drink or have ever tasted liquor in my life).
My family member had the nerve to make jokes about if I tried drinking I would be causing serious issues to my child and how she will make fun of the baby’s disorder, and that I need to check myself before I enter the door (‘you’re going to places a pregnant woman shouldn’t be allowed to go and you will be ruining the fun for everyone.
Take yourself out’).
I told her that she should have kept her comment to herself that if that was supposed to be a joke, it wasn’t a good one, and to not discuss my baby like that. I also informed her that I was disappointed that she viewed me as someone who would drink while pregnant when I know the circumstances.
She later replied that I was rude and disrespectful and that had she said what she said to me to her kids (37F, 35M, 33F) they would have laughed at it. I doubt that because they have to always put her in her place for her comments.
I’ll like to inform everyone that this same family member told me that I was going nowhere in life and that I should stay in my hometown, where basically nothing happens. I proved her wrong by studying abroad in France, getting a full-ride scholarship, and buying myself a car, and a house.
She had the nerve to tell my mom how proud she was of me and tried giving a speech about how she always knew I would do fine.
Update: After posting this, I blocked the family member on phone and on social media.
I turned off my phone and enjoyed my free BBQ wings. When I got home I turned on my phone and my mom told me that I needed to get over myself and that the group chat is for fun comments ONLY and that I blew things out of proportion.
So far, a family member, her son, and my mom have deemed me as the jerk. My sis laughed cuz she was happy to see how I stood up for myself and went off. No one else has said anything probably cuz they don’t care.
I took myself out of group chat and blocked my mom (will unblock her at some point).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds like someone who is very insecure, jealous, and flat-out clueless about their own behavior. A way to address her is to not give her the decency of a reaction; when she takes it way too far such as domestic violence claims, take photos of the evidence and then let her know that she’ll be hearing from your lawyer soon—behavior like that has potential legal implications.
Simple as that.” gklr4214acnh
Another User Comments:
“‘I told them I was going to be going to a sports bar to hang out with friends (mind you, I’m currently 8 weeks pregnant) and I understand that I shouldn’t be going to a sports bar.’
There is absolutely nothing wrong with going to a bar while pregnant, as long as you abstain from drinking (which clearly you said you will). The only things you can’t do while pregnant are do things that are unsafe, like ride rollercoasters or go sky diving, etc. Generally, going to a bar isn’t unsafe just because you are pregnant.
‘My family member had the nerve to make jokes about if I tried drinking I would be causing serious issues to my child and how she will make fun of the baby’s disorder.’
Christ. This is someone I wouldn’t want my baby around, and clearly, she has a low opinion of you to assume you would endanger your fetus.
Maybe your relative can’t manage to go to a bar and abstain from drinking, but she shouldn’t project that onto you as though you are incapable and/or willing to endanger your pregnancy.
‘You’re going to places a pregnant woman shouldn’t be allowed to go and you will be ruining the fun for everyone.
Take yourself out.’
How does your pregnancy ruin fun for everyone else? I’ve known lots of pregnant people (and been pregnant myself) and not once have they spoiled other people’s fun. Just because you are there and choosing not to drink, doesn’t mean you will spoil other people’s enjoyment or ability to drink.
It’s no different than someone being the designated driver or being someone who can’t drink because of an illness or medication, or literally, anyone who simply doesn’t want to drink that day. I most often don’t drink (or only have one) because it can trigger migraines the next day.
Not everyone needs to drink to have fun all the time.
‘She later replied that I was rude and disrespectful.’
So was she. If she can’t take it, she should not dish it out. Your response was a very appropriate one.
‘When I got home I turned on my phone and my mom told me that I needed to get over myself.’
Just roll your eyes and disregard this nonsense.
NTJ at all.” InsomniacEnglish
People like her get infuriated when they’re ignored. Time to have a little fun and a lot of peace.
18. AITJ For Wanting To Have Straight Hair?
“I (23F) grew up surrounded by ‘self-love’ practices. What I mean by that is, that my parents wanted my siblings and me to love ourselves for who we are, and to take pride in what we have.
So this meant that as I was growing up I was always surrounded by positivity, especially positivity when it came to our appearances. My siblings and I all have wavy/curly hair, it’s inherited from my mother’s side.
When I was about 14, I realized I didn’t like how my naturally wavy hair looked on me and would prefer to have straight hair. My mother didn’t allow me to straighten my hair at all, because she said I wasn’t embracing my true self if I were to straighten my hair.
So I didn’t while I was living in their home.
I moved out 3 years ago and have been wearing my hair straight since. My mother is not fond of my hair choices. Jump to this year and my cousin (mother’s side) had her wedding just before Easter.
The event was at a lovely family estate near the coast, my cousin has always enjoyed the old Hollywood aesthetic and so she encouraged her guests to dress like actors from the 30s through to the 50s. I loved the idea and decided to wear my hair like Jessica Rabbit, those old Hollywood waves.
My mother called and asked what I was wearing and how I was wearing my hair and well she didn’t quite like the idea of me styling my hair, instead, she insisted that I should wear my natural hair like her and my aunts, I told her no and she quickly ended the conversation.
On the day of the wedding, I styled my hair like how I planned, and well after the ceremony and on the way to the reception my mother went off at me for disregarding my natural waves and abandoning something so beautiful and natural in order to fit into the societal standard of beauty.
I had enough and told her it’s my choice to wear my hair the way I want to and she went on about how she failed as a mother to imbed the values of natural beauty in her only daughter.
She decided to leave before the reception and my au**s were all livid at me and started berating me for disappointing my mother and whatnot, and I had enough of the comments so I left after my cousin and her husband made their grand entrance and after their first dance.
AITJ for abandoning my natural curls and wearing my hair ‘straight’?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. this is actually one of the rare instances in which I DON’T think you’re ‘bending to societal standards’ or whatever. You just don’t like the way it looks on you.
Nothing that you said here indicates that you think wavy/curly hair is lesser, or ugly, or that no one should have it, you weren’t insulting towards it at all, so it sounds like you just don’t like it for yourself.
which is fine, cause it’s your hair and your body and that’s your choice to make.
I get that your parents tried to instill good beliefs in y’all, and it is good to love yourself as you are at your most natural, but part of body positivity and especially hair positivity is accepting that some people DON’T like their hair as it is naturally and like it different.” reyballesta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is codependent. She needs to go buy the book called ‘codependent no more’ and learn what is going on inside of her. In the meantime, are you embracing the real you? Meaning you choose anything you want and enjoy it.
And that’s the truth. Your mother is trying to pressure you into thinking that the real you is anything she wants. You can see how ridiculous that is. I bet she never will.” mcclgwe
17. AITJ For Wanting To Apply For A Scholarship?
“I am a senior with one semester left. My college journey has been a tough one. I had to switch majors in 2020 because attempting nursing school was not for me. Due to the switch, I had to work full-time to pay for my degree.
From 2020-2021 I went to a community college to save money. Once I finally saved up enough funds, I transferred to another four-year university closer to home. From fall 2021 to now spring 2022, I’ve been online pursuing my psychology degree so that I could continue working full time.
My grades are good and I maintain a pretty good GPA. Since I’m mostly online, I haven’t needed to communicate with my professors or come to campus for office hours. Scholarships for next year come around and to be considered, I would need a recommendation letter.
I figured that since everything has been remote and not everyone is your average college student this wouldn’t have been too difficult to obtain.
I wrote to multiple professors for a rec letter, mentioning that due to being online they may not know me well but I enjoyed their material. I let them know about the course I enrolled in and the grades I received. Each professor wrote back that since I couldn’t show up on campus they couldn’t write me a letter.
Personally, this annoyed me, because I work two full-time jobs to obtain my degree. I have good grades and the reason I can’t come to campus is because I have to work to afford it. These scholarships could have tremendously helped me.
I even have a few professors follow up with professional advice on how sometimes you do not just need a recommendation letter but you need a quality one. However, this doesn’t help me financially or help me grow professionally.
Now I know I am not entitled to a rec letter but my college only gives these scholarships out once a year. I’m pouring everything I can into my degree and FASFA doesn’t give me much to cover every expense on my tuition statement.
I just found it disheartening to see that all the work I’ve put into my degree meant nothing. That since I am not the average college student, I’m not worth the chance to apply for a scholarship.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You need a scholarship and reasonably asked for a letter of recommendation… They declined and some provided advice as they could. I’m so sorry you’re financially struggling and loans are difficult to manage.
You’re not a jerk for asking but they also aren’t jerks for declining because they don’t know you well enough to write the letter you need.
See if the financial aid office has a policy about letters of recommendation processes or exceptions for off-campus students.
There may be an exception you’re not aware of and reaching out to the granter of the scholarship may be helpful.” JetItTogether
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, it’s understandable that you are upset due to the financial situation.
But your professors aren’t at fault either. They don’t know you so because of that they wouldn’t be able to say much in a letter. I think the true jerk is the system. They need recommendations but classes had to be online, making it impossible to give recommendations.
They overlooked that detail. But that is mostly because the rules were made before everything went online.
So it’s out of your professor’s control and it’s okay to be hurt but don’t blame them. Maybe talk to a counselor on campus to see if there is any type of financial aid that is not a loan meaning it doesn’t have to be paid back.
Also, they may be able to tell you if there are other scholarships that don’t require it. I really hope you can figure this out.” cara1888
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – College and Academia have a secret game.
It isn’t enough to have good grades, you have to network and play the game to get hidden perks. This absolutely sucks for students who can’t do this because of either time and work constraints or the fact that no one taught them how.
So yes you are absolutely justified in being upset that the system is rigged so that students who work and have other time commitments don’t get as much benefit for their tuition/efforts.
However – A letter of recommendation isn’t just about good grades or work, they could see that from a GPA.
It’s also about the character of the student and who they are, something that’s hard to tell over zoom when there’s not as much class discussion or unstructured social interaction. The profs are likely feeling that they don’t know you well enough to write a whole letter about your character and that’s valid as well.
Basically, be mad at the system, yes, but it’s not the prof’s fault it’s set up that way or requires that type of recommendation.
Does the recommendation specify that it has to be academic and faculty from this university?
If not you could contact an old prof you had more interaction with or ask an employer to write you a character reference.” fuzzyraccoon_122
16. AITJ For Telling My Friend The World Does Not Revolve Around Her?
“I (14M) have a friend ‘Kayla’ (15F). We’ve been good friends for almost 2 years now.
For background info, I had planned a trip to go thrifting with my older sister ‘Faith’ (17F), who tried to cancel to go hang out with her significant other.
My parents made Faith cancel her plans with her SO and continue with our original plans for tomorrow. My sister and I are close, but we’ve grown apart since she started going out with her SO, and this is going to be the first time we’ve hung out together without an extra friend or her SO in almost a year.
I was talking to Kayla about it, and she said ‘At least you get to see your older sister.’
I told her I was sorry, and that I know what it’s like to never see your older siblings.
She asked me (in a sarcastic way) ‘Oh really?’ and I shared about how when I was younger, my older brother and sister lived about 70 miles away with their father and I would rarely see them.
Kayla said to me ‘At least you have an older sister who makes plans with you,’ and complained about how her sister never talks to her, lives in Texas (very far from where we live), and was getting mad at ME for being upset that my sister had tried to cancel a single outing with me.
I told Kayla again that I’m sorry, and she was getting madder and madder, and eventually said that she didn’t want to talk anymore and said goodnight.
Now, here’s where I may be the jerk. After she said that, I said this to Kayla: ‘Alright then, thanks for making me feel worse and making this about you.’
I feel like a jerk, and she’s left me on read. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Truth hurts. NTJ. She was making it all about herself and you called her out on it. A good friend would be happy for you.
It’s understandable that she envies your relationship with your sister, and maybe someday you could ask your sister if you could invite your friend so she can feel like she has a sister too… but no, NTJ for calling her out.” LWoo11
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here and you do not have to be sorry for being in a more fortunate situation. Perhaps next time instead of trying to talk her around by referring to your own experience and how you understand, let her have her feelings.
Simply voice your agreement ‘indeed’ or ‘it must be difficult for you’ or whatever, and allow her her moment to vent.
As much as it was annoying for you to have her turn it around to be about her, you were doing the same thing by turning it back to your experience rather than letting her have her turn at speaking.
From her point of view, you talked about plans with your sister, and she commented with an opening remark which was likely intended for her to have her moment to share, but you straight away said you understand (insinuating she doesn’t need to tell you as you already know) and then elaborated your experience to her.
I had a pet that passed away and a good friend of mine immediately told me she knew how I felt and spent almost an hour telling me about different pets she had lost over the years from childhood onwards.
I eventually left feeling unheard and unsupported. Your friend may feel the same way.
But it is likely just a difference in communication styles, hopefully, it will blow over.” JWJulie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – both of you are minors so of course, your emotions will run high, but she invalidated your sadness.
She probably isn’t receiving enough recognition for her own hurt feelings abt her sister at home and feels the need to project it onto you. That said, I’d try to initiate another conversation about it and just let her know that while you want to be there to listen to her hardships, you also want her to hear yours.” stressedlilmess11
15. AITJ For Telling My Mother My Child Is Not Her Granddaughter?
“I (22 female) and my mother (62 female also very Christian) have never had a really good relationship, it’s always been back and forth.
I was adopted and my mother has told me countless times that she does not refer to me as her daughter. This past year I was pregnant with my now 9-month-old daughter, and my husband and I found out that our daughter was going to be born with 2 disabilities (1.
An arm deformity and 2. A brain condition).
I contacted my mother shortly after my checkup appointment really upset about the news, needing comfort from my mother like all children do when finding out upsetting news. And instead of comforting me, my mother told me ‘it’s a wake-up call from god’.
And I didn’t cut her off right away when we were on the phone when I was upset. She said it’s because she simply does not like my husband and that it’s a wake-up call from God telling me to leave him.
I was extremely upset when hearing her say this.
We hadn’t spoken up until my daughter’s birth when she contacted me out of the blue asking about my daughter to which I replied she had been born and was in the NICU.
She didn’t reply after that, I find two days later my mother had posted on social media saying ‘pray for her (my daughter) she’s in a horrible situation. And that she is a blessing from god’. And has not contacted me since but posted on Easter talking about ‘look at my beautiful granddaughter I’m so proud of her and all she has done’ with a picture of my daughter.
I then contacted her and asked her to take it down and told her she had no right to call her her granddaughter. I have been contacted by two of my siblings saying I’m being petty and I need to get over it.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – biologically granddaughter. Do not give her any pics to use. Block her on social media. Go no contact. It sucks & it’s hard but you will be happier. She will only be toxic to you & use the baby for her own selfish attention-seeking needs.
She’s going to talk trash about you no matter what, don’t give her anything to talk about. Your sibling’s opinions don’t matter. Make it clear, that if they betray your boundaries of her not having access to pics or anything else related to your child, then they are cut off too.
Set boundaries & have consequences. Absolutely no one is entitled to time & space in your life or your child’s life. It is your responsibility to protect your child from people like her.” beleif
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… b***d does not make someone family.
If you’re not her daughter, then your daughter is not her granddaughter… she’s using her to get pity and to ask for prayers you don’t need or asked for. If your siblings are taking that stand too and are aiding her, I would ask them to stop or they get blocked. With that said… if your mom was to sincerely apologize and ask to be a part of her life, I think I would consider forgiving her and establishing some guidelines about what is acceptable.” LWoo11
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ.
Your mother took advantage of you in a time of need by needless proselytizing and you have every right to go no contact for the sake of your daughter. Personally, I think that is a good idea barring some major realization/moral change on your mom’s part.
In addition to your husband, I hope you have a supportive group of chosen family around you because you will need it. I wish you the best.” sucksatchess666
14. AITJ For Confronting My Pregnant Sister-In-Law?
“My (30F) sister-in-law (32F) is 8 months pregnant with her and my brother’s (32M) first child. They recently had a baby shower which my SIL asked me and my mother (65F) to help organize/decorate/and cook for along with her own sisters and family.
She is a very particular person and had some specific requests for the shower, but my mom and I were happy to help and ended up spending 20+ hours and $1000+ to plan the event along with my SIL’s family.
On the day of the shower, my mom and I arrive and began setting up with my SIL’s family. However, after about 20 minutes, my mom started having symptoms of a stroke, and my dad and I rushed her to the hospital. We told my brother what was going on, but he opted to stay at the shower since his guests were just arriving, and I would update him from the hospital (I work in medicine, so this isn’t an unusual ask in the family).
My mom ended up being admitted and the following day we were in the hospital scrolling on social media. We saw my SIL’s post/pics from the baby shower. The post caption said:
‘Thank you to everyone who came today to celebrate our new little soul.
And a HUGE thank you to my sisters (bio sisters tagged) and my mom (tagged) who will be my baby’s best aunts and grandmother.’
My mom and I were a little hurt that we weren’t acknowledged in the post but mostly shocked that she publicly posted that her family would be the ‘best’ side of the family.
Pretty obviously omitting us. At this point we also realized that we had not heard a word from my SIL since the shower (36+ hours) — no checking in on my mom’s condition and no ‘thank you’ for everything we brought for the shower.
I called my brother and SIL to check in since we hadn’t heard from them, and I also explained that they might not have meant it, but the post was hurtful, and I asked for an explanation.
They said they didn’t have time to talk about it at the moment, but the following day, my mom and I received a long iMessage from my SIL in a group chat including my brother. The summary of the message said that I (OP) was making unnecessary conflict during an important milestone in SIL’s life and that she would not be addressing the social media issue further because she is pregnant and trying to avoid stress.
She said she is ‘setting a boundary’ with me and had blocked me on all social media because I used her social media against her. She finished the message with ‘I would like to move past this civilly for the sake of the baby.’
So I’m super confused about where the aggression is coming from, and at this point, I was the primary caregiver for my mom who had several rehab/Physical therapy/neurology appointments in the days following her hospital admission.
I explain this to my SIL and ask to have a conversation to sort this out because iMessage arguments never make sense. She replies no, that she is pregnant and not dealing with me and my mom. My mom and I haven’t heard from her or my brother since (3 weeks).
The baby is due in 3 weeks.
AITJ?
UPDATE:
I decided to not reach out further to my SIL and brother in the weeks following the post. However, they continued to reach out to my mom individually via unsolicited text messages (not including me in the messages).
These messages they sent said things like ‘we will not tolerate your behavior of being unhappy with how we do things.’; ‘The baby shower was supposed to celebrate us, not to make you and (OP) happy.’; ‘We shouldn’t need to thank you because you should have done that even out of love.’ My mom, being sick, never replied to these, but they continued to send more unsolicited messages along the same lines.
This really ticked me off, so at that point, I decided to go no contact with them for the foreseeable future, even when the baby came along.
The baby was born healthy about a week ago now and everything was smooth and uneventful.
On the birthday, my brother created a big group message including me, my mom, my dad, and all of SIL’s family to share updates on the birth and pictures of the baby. I never responded to anything in the group, but my mom sent some small messages like ‘so cute.’
They invited my mom to come to meet the baby a couple of days later, and my mom asked me if I would be okay with her going. I told her she should do what she feels is best, but to have zero expectations about being treated well or being included. She went and had a nice time, but at the meeting, my brother pulled her aside and asked why I (OP) had not replied to any messages they sent, why I haven’t come to meet the baby or communicated with them at all, and that he is anticipating my reaching out.
Later, my dad told me the same thing. I have no plans of visiting or reaching out.
I tried to remind my mom that time passing is not an apology, and that they still have not thanked us for the shower, nor apologized for all of their actions in the subsequent days, including the awful messages they sent her.
I personally will not be engaging with them until that happens, and since that will likely never happen I’m resolved to going no-contact, and I will try to form a relationship with the baby when he’s a bit older.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – pregnant lady here (4th little boy) and your SIL is offending all pregnant people out there. We are not lame, weak little wallflowers who need protection from the slightest inconvenience. This isn’t a pregnancy issue, this is a jerk issue.
In the fact that your SIL is a massive jerk who needs all the focus and attention on her, even when someone has a medical emergency!!
She needs to grow up because when that baby gets here, her butt is going to be second to them for the rest of her life.
She has absolutely no idea what’s in store after the baby is born (not one parent on this planet does until they go through it) and will need and want all the support she can get. Let’s hope you and your mom can be the bigger person and offer it to her, or the ‘best’ side of the family is just going to have to deal with it all.” Natural_Writer9702
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I don’t think the social media post is as much of the problem. Is it inconsiderate, yes, but you can put it down to maybe not tagging you because you weren’t actually present at the shower.
Not privately messaging after, however, thanking you and asking how your mum is, is incredibly disrespectful.
But for me, if your mum was having symptoms of a stroke, screw the baby shower. Don’t care about the costs, your brother should have been at the hospital. Clearly, he cares more about his wife’s enjoyment than his family’s health.
As sad as it is, be prepared to go low contact and unfortunately accept that you may not be as big a part of the baby’s life as you may have wanted to be. You are fighting a losing battle.
He will always put her before you guys, which in some circumstances is fine as she is his spouse, but it sounds like he is enabling her bratty behavior. He may come to regret it a few years down the line.” readall211
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Frankly, she sounds egotistical and a bit of a narcissist to claim that you are using social media against her when she was the one who was passive-aggressive in her post. She should show some compassion for your mom for what she’s going through and should’ve thanked you both for the shower.
I’d put up a post that said you and your mom were so happy to arrange the shower for your SIL and you both can’t wait to be an aunt and grandmother. You were both saddened to leave before it began due to your mother’s stroke, but she is recovering well and is excited to meet the baby.
Hopefully, that will keep it in a positive light and she will have some remorse when others see it. (While she may have blocked you, you can tag your brother, etc.) Otherwise, I’d just keep your distance as she has crazy hormones and will after the baby is born.
You and your mom could ask your brother to at least visit your mom.” Spicy_Alien_Baby
13. AITJ For Wanting To Travel Without My Mom?
“My family and I (16f) used to go to Disney World a lot. Now we haven’t been since 2019. One of the last years we went, in 2018, my mom (46f) and her partner (43m) left out my sister (29f) and we went on HER BIRTHDAY.
The whole trip, my mother basically rubbed it in her face that we were there without her, sending pictures and nonstop talking about how amazing Disney world is and how happy she is to be there. I mean my mom did kind of ask but my sister would have had to pay for her vacation completely and likely pay for some of my and my brother’s (14m) vacation as well.
While my sister wouldn’t have minded paying for herself, my mother would have manipulated her into paying for basically everything. So knowing my mother, my sister ended up not going. That hurt my sister so much, to have none of her family around on her birthday, to see everyone else in a place she loved without her.
Now that I have my first job, I have been saving up along with my sister so we can plan to go together.
Our mother doesn’t save at all, she spends so much on things she doesn’t need instead.
We mentioned the idea of us going to Disney to our mother and she FREAKED OUT. She threatened us, saying that she’ll call the cops on us, have me put in juvie for ‘running away’ and my sister in jail for ‘kidnapping’.
She told me that if I have enough funds to go on the trip, then I should be paying rent and the bills every month. Not only that, but her partner’s son (13m) was planning on going on a Disney cruise with his friend, and my mother was completely on board with letting him go.
Knowing how she is to me and my sister, she might actually call the cops over us not paying for her to come with us. Because of how horrible she makes it seem that we’ve been saving up and want to go on a vacation that we’ll be fully paying for ourselves it makes me wonder, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Most people I know moved out of home at 17/18 so the idea of going on holiday with your Fully Adult big sister (like not just an 18-year-old, nearly 30) is perfectly reasonable.
As an aside, being the same age as your sister, if my family is going on a family holiday it is an unspoken rule that as I am a fully functioning adult I would be paying for myself entirely, so that expectation about the previous trip isn’t unreasonable in my opinion (but is expected to pay for the younger siblings is).
Otherwise, your mother sounds like a piece of work.” nrh46
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Contact a school counselor or someone who can advise you on emancipation. You’ll have to figure out a real plan, or somehow get through the next few years.” Maine04330
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s actually really awesome that you’ve been saving up money for a trip with your sister, that’s super cool. It shows your love for your sister. It’s really sweet of you.
Besides, you’re paying for your own trip. If your mom really wanted to come, she could make her own arrangements.” PhdInCute
12. AITJ For Getting My Coworker Suspended?
“We work at a residential facility for ages 10-21 who have intellectual disabilities and aggressive behaviors.
We have to do 20-minute room checks to make sure everyone is in bed and no medical problems have occurred as we do have clients with various seizure disorders and other medical conditions.
I (30f) and my coworker (36m) arrived at work as a client was becoming escalated and missed doing our first room checks of the night.
I, being the senior staff on duty, informed him not to mark down that we did room checks during that time slot because we obviously didn’t do them. Afterward, he sat in front of the client’s room to make sure the client didn’t come back out and then proceed to miss the next four checks but marked down that he had done them.
I noticed this the next night when I was in that hall and reported it to our supervisor who then had me write an email to her and our cottage director detailing the events that had happened.
This led to my coworker being suspended as it was the second time he had done this and our supervisor had already written him up once and talked to him.
Somehow word got out that I was the one who reported him and they all blame me for him getting suspended.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did what you needed to do.
Instead of blaming you, they should blame the one who didn’t do his job.
They seem to lack the ability to understand that if something happens, all of their jobs are at stake.
Unless all of y’all happen to be the three musketeers… it’s not a ‘one for all and all for one’ kind of deal.” PenguinSized
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If someone gets in danger and it’s his fault, do you think he would accept responsibility? I don’t.
This kind of job is serious. It’s not like he refused to clean the Slurpee machine.
If he’s not prepared to do the things required for the patient’s care, he shouldn’t be working there at all.” jdogx17
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t report him for petty reasons; his negligence could have resulted in a health crisis going unnoticed. There are some jobs where you can be lax without having negative consequences result from it, but this doesn’t seem like one of them.” chablismouth
I came into work one day to see 2 staff giving a 9 yr old kid sarcastic jerk about something (don’t remember what) to the point the kid crawled under a table and was sobbing. They immediately went to “it was just a joke.” I wasn’t a supervisor and didn’t say anything in the moment because it would have made it worse. I immediately emailed the supervisors and house manager. When I came back the next day I learned that they had both been fired. Thankfully no one gave me jerk over it because overall they were just terrible people.
11. AITJ For Yelling At My Sister At A Restaurant?
“I (f17) have a sister, Emma (22), and a step-sister, Yuna (22).
They never got along well, I literally grew up with my sister talking trash about Yuna and how she just had an easier life because she was pretty. It has never been a secret that my sister thought that and our parents think that too so whenever Yuna was here no one really tried to make an effort with her because ‘she has it easy’.
I did my best to change this as I grew up but Emma never did, it actually got worse. Nevertheless, she is still my sister and I love her. Emma has also always been the golden child so she gets away with lots of stuff.
When they were 19 Yuna started going out with this guy, I don’t want to go into details but he was just no good at all. Through this, Yuna stopped working since he said he wouldn’t go out with someone who hooked up with multiple people (literally said that in front of us, and no one, sadly including me said anything).
She started skipping classes, stopped going out with her friends, and coming to family dinners as often. It was really bad.
Recently they finally broke up though, I don’t know what happened and it isn’t my business nor anyone else’s but Yuna came to stay with us so the 3 of us were living together with our parents again.
This Tuesday we all went out to have dinner when Emma started questioning Yuna about her relationship. Just being there was uncomfortable already and Yuna would refuse to talk so Emma kept insisting and our parents were pressuring her to talk too.
Which was super awkward.
It all escalated quickly and soon enough Yuna started crying and just left to go outside. I went with her and she was just sobbing so violently, that I legit thought she would have a panic attack or something.
I stayed with her until her Uber came (she didn’t want to go with our family) and then went back to the table and I was just, raging.
Now, this is where I might be the jerk. I started screaming at Emma about how she is a witch and how she knows how hurtful her questions were, how she has always done this, blah blah blah.
I also screamed at my parents for allowing it but I mostly just screamed at Emma. She didn’t say or do anything at all and we ended up leaving.
My parents are so mad at me and Yuna now and I was punished (can’t see my friends for a few weeks) and Emma just keeps calling me names.
I’m not really sorry but I know I could have maybe handled it better or at least screamed in private but I also know I made a huge scene in public and hurt my sister.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe you and Yuna can share rent, tell her your plans so she has time to start looking for work now that her controlling partner is out of the picture.
I can’t believe your parents let Emma say all that to her, you should all be so grateful that she has the strength to leave that disgusting man and that she didn’t end up trapped and pregnant and stuck forever in what probably would have descended into a domestic violence situation.
Now is the chance to help her. Let her know you are always there. See if there is any therapy she can get – she needs to learn about her self-worth so she doesn’t fall into this trap again and she needs to listen to people like you who care when they point out red flags about a guy.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You made a scene in public using language that should not be used and forced others to have to listen to the screaming and cursing while they too were trying to enjoy their meal. You used poor judgment in your choice of locations.
Also screaming rarely helps you make your point, it in fact does the opposite. Now with that aside, GOOD FOR YOU for standing up for your sister. Someone’s appearance does not make them immune to emotional pain. Tell your parents that you apologize for the choice of location and for the language used, but not at all for the message.” _my_choice_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! So proud of you for defending Yuna. That was brave and commendable of you to recognize and go against your family like that so publicly when admittedly it sounds like before this Yuna was your least close family member.
They publicly drilled Yuna with inappropriate questions at a restaurant to the point she left crying, so they embarrassed her and deserved to be dragged right back into the same public setting. The other members of the family sound super toxic.
Definitely best for you two to get away from them as soon as you reasonably can. Maybe you and Yuna could get a place together when she’s on her feet again and you graduate or turn 18?” lalaeffect
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit My Ex's Dog?
“Four months after my 15-year-old dog passed away, my husband and I decided to get another one.
We rescued a middle-aged dog named Lucy. She was sweet but I quickly realized it was too soon to get another dog and she and I had difficulty bonding.
One month later, my now ex-husband announced he’d been having an affair for months and wanted a divorce.
I wanted him to move out but he refused. In turn, I moved out. I had difficulty finding a place to rent and could only find one that didn’t allow pets.
I visited the dog once in a while. However, it was painful to keep running into my ex-husband. I told him he can have her.
Now, a year later he continuously contacts me to babysit her while he is out of town.
I oblige because I feel bad for abandoning the dog. But he always lets me know last minute, like the day prior.
It pains me to be in our old house. It’s also an inconvenience because it’s a long way from my work and the current place I rent.
I finally told my ex that I will no longer be babysitting the dog. He basically made me feel horrible. But my friends think I’m being reasonable.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your ex is showing a side of him that you didn’t see probably often while married to him.
He’s a self-centered manipulator, who enjoys seeing you still being hooked on him, for him to have power over you. It feeds his ego. His refusal to move, when you had to separate from him was one move from him.
Him using you as a dog sitter with very little advanced notice is another one. It keeps you on your toes, and he can check on you, what you’re doing if you’re going out, etc. And he’s keeping you tortured and emotionally hooked by having you dogsit in your old home.
He could easily find someone else or pay for professional places.
Cut this all off. Unfortunately, it means cutting the dog out of your life, too. But you can’t heal and move on with being tied through the dog.
Just send him a text telling him you won’t dogsit anymore. Then block him, his family, etc from all forms of contact. He has zero reasons to contact you outside the dog.” Cocoasneeze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex is using you.
It has been a year since you broke up. He was having an affair when he insisted on adopting the dog. You have zero obligation to either him or the dog at this point. It sounds like he is purposely putting you on the spot and has no consideration for the value of your time.
Just block him entirely and if he finds a way to contact you don’t respond. You don’t owe him so much as a reason why he’s being blocked at this point. I hope you can finally move on from this toxic relationship.” Potential_Mirror1511
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting anything to do with the dog since it causes you pain, but you are a jerk to yourself. You have no reason to be in contact with your ex, he should be blocked on everything or get a new phone number if he has ways to get around being blocked. He lied to you, you owe him nothing but the middle finger heck both middle fingers.” Fearless_Speech9883
He's only doing this to keep tabs on you. He doesn't want you, but doesn't want you to move on either. It's a way to control you & keep you in his life, possibly as a backup plan. Go no contact & live your life. That doesn't mean you need to start dating if you're not ready to. It does mean you can take up a hobby, go out with friends... whatever you want to do. Your possibilities are endless & he doesn't want you to know that. He wants you to hurt over him & that's why he's doing this. The best revenge is to find your happiness again & not let him hurt you. You got this.
9. AITJ For Burning Candles Despite My Roommate's Fear Of Fire?
“My (28m) roommate (26m) is terrified of fire. It’s excessive.
We have matches/lighters in a jar in the kitchen with a lid and one of those cans of wine-preserving spray to keep oxygen out, we have a gas stove but he uses this trashy hot plate from Walgreens to cook on (or the microwave) and does so outside or on the cement floor in the garage if the weather is bad.
I have to BBQ/smoke next to the garage instead of on the porch unless there’s snow. The smoke detectors are constantly going off because he insists they stay up while I’m cooking despite even boiling water setting them off.
There are visible fire extinguishers in every room except my bedroom.
While it’s really annoying sometimes and the fire extinguishers are not aesthetic, he’s otherwise usually very clean, polite, and personable. His friends are great, he pays bills on time, etc.
Anyways, so the other day I had gotten off work late, made some great tacos from scratch (even the tortillas!), and traded a couple of them for substances. It was a 50mg gummy, so it was pretty strong.
So went and took a shower, then went to my room and lit a couple of candles, and proceeded to browse the internet until I had to pee.
Suddenly, I hear this panicked scream from down the hall.
I had apparently left my door open and he saw the (very safely placed) candles, and he became pretty irate. He was telling me that I’m too intoxicated to have candles lit, that they were dangerous, to begin with, that I’m going to burn the house down, ‘what if the shelf falls off the wall’, that he ‘shouldn’t have given me the substances for the tacos’.
I kinda lost it, and I told him that he needed to get over his fear of fire and that he could have good food without having to trade me stuff all the time if he’d just cook on the regular stove instead of one burner on the floor in the garage (dude will literally live off of rice, oatmeal, beef broth, ramen, pasta with butter + parm, boiled eggs, and boiled vegetables otherwise), that I’m allowed to have candles in my room even if I’m intoxicated, especially after working 11 hours and 8 days in a row.
He’s now not talking to me. This is very unlike him. Usually, he talks about any issues in a way that is productive and resolution-focused. He’s usually all panicky about fire like I really should have closed my door, but I didn’t expect to get days of silent treatment for having two candles lit.
This all just feels so, so dumb. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
He was right that it is irresponsible to light candles while inebriated. However, his response was very extreme and a bit rude.
At the same time, he doesn’t seem in control of his emotions where the fire is concerned. I don’t know if he would be willing to go to therapy for his phobia, but it doesn’t seem out of turn for you to suggest that, as his phobia is impacting your life negatively as well as yours.
I don’t really see any maliciousness on either of your parts, but you both made mistakes.” Dontdrinkthecoffee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it sounds like your roommate is traumatized and probably suffering from PTSD. Has he ever mentioned why he fears fire so much?
As long as you didn’t fall asleep with the candles lit or actually leave the house then I would say you have every right to burn them. Your roommate’s irrational fear is definitely not your issue and he should probably talk to a mental health professional honestly.” unnacompanied_minor
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, your roommate obviously has a legitimate fear of fire and/or has trauma surrounding it. All you had to do was keep your door closed or keep the candles out of sight with the door open.
It’s not like this is a new boundary you’re dealing with.” Breadcrumb-Forest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His trauma surrounding fire doesn’t make you a jerk. You didn’t say anything unreasonable, but you called him out on his fire thing and that probably hurt him a lot.
It sounds like you guys are friendly otherwise so once you’re talking and comfortable with each other again, I would suggest you find out what his deal with fire is. Be polite about it and make sure to not make fun of him whatever he says as it’s obviously a big deal to him.” friendly_cub
8. AITJ For Greeting An Old Friend?
“I (28F) lost contact with my friend ‘Marie’ (27F) at the start of 2020. We’d had a fight in late 2019, but we’d talked it over and I thought we’d made up, except then she started making excuses about why she couldn’t meet up with me to hang out.
Then in March, I texted her just to check in and she never replied. I got in contact with her one time about a month later after sending maybe 3 texts total; she said she was just overwhelmed with everything going on but she would try harder to reach out and respond.
This was in April 2020 and obviously, I haven’t heard from her since. I texted her maybe twice after that, then gave up and eventually deleted her number and moved on.
Well, today I went to the library where she worked the last time we talked; I don’t normally go to that one as it’s 10 miles from my apartment, but it had the book I needed and I didn’t see the point in waiting for it to be transferred. I truly had no way of knowing if she still worked there and honestly wasn’t even thinking about if I’d see her; I just wanted to get in, get my book, and get out, but as I was walking up the pathway to the front doors I saw Marie coming out.
I was really surprised as I hadn’t seen her in person since Jan. 2020 and I said her name. She looked up and I smiled at her and said hey, and she just stared at me. I thought maybe she didn’t recognize me (which would’ve been weird, since we knew each other for 5 years, but things happen) so I said ‘it’s OP’ and she interrupted and said, ‘I know who you are.’ Really hostile tone.
I was surprised and just said ‘oh’ and she asked if I wanted anything, I told her, no, and she said ‘okay, goodbye’ and walked off.
AITJ for saying hi to her? Did I break a social code I was unaware of?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Apparently, something happened and she decided to cut contact without telling you the problem, or she thinks you’re a stalker, saying you didn’t need anything wasn’t a smart move, but I understand why you said that after the cold shoulder you received.
That’s weird, but the question is, do you miss her? If the answer is no, forget about that, about her. But if the answer is yes, maybe you should go back, tell her you were here for your book, you didn’t expect to see her and didn’t understand her reaction, and ask if something happened you’re not aware of.” charlotte_rami
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s common courtesy to say hello to people you recognize when you almost literally run into them, even if it has been a long time. When I see someone I don’t want to talk to, I usually smile and say ‘been a long time, hope you’re well!’ and keep on moving.
She clearly doesn’t want to be friends anymore, which is fine, but her hostility to your common courtesy was unwarranted.” nrh46
7. AITJ For Messing Around On The School's Computers?
“So this started at my reading class a couple of months ago, twice a week we go on the school Chromebooks and go on a boring reading website.
I was extremely bored so I changed the elements of the website changing what the website says and changing the images of its background and its text making a wacky website. My English teacher walked behind me and saw me editing and thinking I was up to some Mr. Robot-type stuff and she made me get off my computer and read normally.
That was the end of it then a couple of days later a friend was telling me a teacher in his economics class was telling them about a kid who hacked into a website changing its code and telling them not to be stupid like him and he said it was about me.
At first, I was wondering if it was even me they were talking about because what I did was barely hacking and he didn’t name me. I heard from another kid who heard about me by name by a teacher telling kids not to be stupid on the computers.
This teacher did name me in front of multiple classes and he wasn’t the only one.
My English Teacher obviously told all the other teachers about me to spread awareness about computer use and it must have had them worried. I never got in any trouble but the teachers still tell people about me so kids don’t use the computers for dumb stuff.
I’m not really mad about this and it’s pretty funny how the school oversold it making me look like an anonymous member. It’s kinda improved my social life but some kids wouldn’t take this as lightly as me and it leaves me wondering who is in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your teachers are misinformed. By the sounds of it, you dropped into the dev tools, and then played around with the HTML. That’s not cyber-crime or hacking. Anyone can do that.” claypolejr
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Your school’s cybersecurity is crap. One of the first rules is to deny access to settings.
On the other hand, you’ve earned yourself a reputation. Reputations can be a double-edged sword. Some people will love and respect you for your reputation.
While others will consider you a scion of Satan. A funny thing about reputations is that you don’t necessarily have to do anything to deserve one. It only takes a few people to talk and then it spreads without control.
Eventually, it will die naturally with time, but the duration is unpredictable.” bolshoich
Another User Comments:
“If their internet security is so weak that a high school kid with a chrome book can hack it, they are being criminally incompetent.
NTJ.” YanceyWoodchuck
6. AITJ For Sitting Through The Movie Credits?
“My (29M) wife (27F), my dad (65M), and I went to see Secrets of Dumbledore. My wife is a pretty big Harry Potter fan and has seen both the previous Fantastic Beasts movies and liked them. I think they’re okay.
My dad loves them and is really into them. My mom is out of town this weekend, so when my dad invited us to go with him to see the movie, we thought it would be a fun thing to do together, so we went.
I love my dad, he loves my wife, and my wife loves him, too. We all get along great and have a great relationship.
My dad does have a weird, some would call annoying, quirk. He always wants to sit through all of the credits after the movie.
Like all the way to the end when the very last studio logo graces the screen and there’s nothing else. Everyone else has always already left and the cleaning crew is in there. I think it’s awkward, but I’m used to it at this point.
My wife has been to a few movies with my dad by now, so I thought she was aware of it too. At the end of the movie, as the credits are rolling, she notices that we’re still sitting there and leans over to me and whispers, ‘Are we going to leave at some point?’ I turn to her and whisper, ‘He likes to sit through all the credits, I’m sorry.’ And I made a face that I hoped communicated that yeah, it’s annoying, but shrugged I’m sorry, what can you do?
She let out a slight huff and leaned back in her chair. Maybe two minutes later, she leans back over and whispers, ‘Can’t we just go? This is awkward.’ I replied, in a whisper, ‘I feel like it would be more awkward to leave at this point, let’s just wait.’ She was clearly mad and leaned back again.
Finally, the credits ended, and my dad stood up, and we all headed out to the lobby to chat for a bit before he and we went our separate ways. The most of the rest of the night, she was irritable and quiet and just generally seemed mad at me.
She’s fine at this point.
Some reasons why I handled the situation the way I did are:
- I felt like we were mostly there for my dad. We were technically his guests since he bought our tickets for us (although we didn’t know that at the time, I was planning on reimbursing him.) In that case, I think it’s only right we do what he wants.
- I knew he would want to chat a bit after. We were going over to my parents’ house the next day, and I had a question for him, too.
- I felt it would be awkward and rude to simply leave, and put him in a position where he either had to skip the rest of the credits or skip chatting in the lobby with us.
- I hate whispering in a movie theater and avoid it as much as possible. I’m self-conscious about it, frankly, because I don’t think I have a quiet whisper and I’m paranoid that people around me can hear me.
I was sitting between my wife and my dad, so I was very sensitive to the fact that he might hear us or at least me, so I was trying to very much limit conversation which might hurt his feelings.
But because of my wife’s reaction, I wonder if I was the jerk and should have done what my wife wanted.
ETA – I don’t think her issue was with the act of having to sit through the credits.
It was probably more about the extra time it would take before we left. We were planning to stop and get food to go from a restaurant and didn’t want to go too close to when they close.
We still ended up having plenty of time.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but surely your dad isn’t expecting you to sit through the credits: it’s just that he wants to. Why not simply excuse yourselves and say you will meet them in the foyer, and you can chat outside or use the toilet or look at the other trailers while you wait.” JWJulie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your wife needs to be a little more understanding. I know the end credits can be looooooong, and while I personally like to book it once the movie’s over to beat the rush, to sit thru to the end is such a small ask.
Maybe come to an agreement with her beforehand, she can dip out and you can sit with him to the end. Listen, my dad had little quirks like this. He used to tell and retell stories over and over again.
I lost him last year to cancer and I’d give anything to experience one of his little quirks again.” Oceanic_Pomelo_22
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – your dad was respecting the movie creators with his quirk, you were respecting your dad, and your wife was feeling antsy and (from reading through the comments) probably hungry.
Come up with a plan like a bathroom idea for next time so it doesn’t happen again.” Majestic_Cress_5966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ah—the long-lasting effects of Lethal Weapon from the 80s. I’m guessing your dad is in his 50s?
There are a lot of us Gen Xers who stay until the last moment because——you never know. Maybe next time have a convo about whether there are end or mid-credit scenes. (Ask the movie theater staff, they will tell you).
If he knows there aren’t any extra scenes he might be willing to leave early.” InterestingFact1728
5. AITJ For Thinking My Partner Is Stealing From Me?
“I (22F) spend the night at my partner’s (26M) place about twice a week. He has two roommates, but his place is really close to where we both work and it would be very expensive to rent there without a roommate.
I hate having roommates so I live further away and alone. My partner doesn’t like spending the night at my place because he’s not an early riser and hates the long commute, so if we spend the night together it’s at his place.
I know how much of a minefield having a girl stay over when you have roommates is, so I tried to do everything right. I refuse to stay more than two nights a week even if my partner asks me to, and I never spend two nights in a row.
I keep noise to a respectful level and all that. I also was adamant from the start that I wanted to chip in on utility bills. I don’t think 2 nights a week in my partner’s room warrants rent but I do use the utilities and don’t want to drive up the price for his roommates.
I pay about 1/4 of the utilities, which I feel is far more than enough.
Now, I just got the figure of what an average month’s utilities are like and pay a quarter of that to my partner monthly (rounded up, so I’m usually paying more than 1/4 but some months I’m under).
I’ve asked him to let me know if there’s ever a reason I need to pay more but he’s never said.
Here’s where the conflict comes in. My partner and I were hanging out watching a movie in his room when roommates texted and asked if we could all have a chat.
We went to the main area and the roommates gave a very polite pitch on why I should be contributing to utilities. I was confused, because I had already been paying my share for months, and it comes out my partner has basically been using my contribution to subsidize his own portion of the bill.
He said I never explicitly said it should be split four ways and so he assumed that I was contributing to his payment because I was his partner. I said that was ridiculous. Anyone with an ounce of common sense would’ve known what I meant or asked if they were unsure, and I accused him of stealing funds from me that were supposed to be a common contribution.
I left, still annoyed, and haven’t gone to see him in a week. I’ve talked to him on the phone and let him know I’m really angry about this and need some time to cool down, and now I’ve thought it through I’m wondering if I really did fly off the handle over a simple misunderstanding.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He either didn’t understand (which he claimed) or he is being disingenuous. If he truly didn’t understand and wants to fix things, he will have no problem paying your share of the missed months by covering the next utility bill or two until that is made up.
If he agrees to that I would call it square and consider apologizing for calling it theft.
If he’s being disingenuous, he will not want to do this and nickel and dime you every step of the way pleading ignorance.
This actually is theft. Only you can judge how he is acting and act accordingly.
NTJ and make sure this is someone you want to be with long-term. As relationships progress people show more and more of their true selves.
I hope this was a genuine misunderstanding and that he is OK rectifying it for everyone. Good luck.” sucksatchess666
Another User Comments:
“No the only mistake you’re making is trying to work this out in your head so it isn’t exactly like you figured out.
Your partner has been taking what you believe to be your share, not telling the roommates that you paid, and using your money to pay his bills. Where is the misunderstanding?
He said that you never said it should be split four ways but then how did he figure it out exactly?
You know he was taking from you and taking from his roommates and as long as you were not informed this would have continued indefinitely.
If he simply said that he didn’t think you owed it to them that would be one thing but he’s gaslighting, pretending that it’s just some strange misunderstanding.
So he’s unethical and he lied to you.
However, since we’re going for full disclosure here, this is also your fault. If I am spending the night with someone regularly enough that I think I owe part of the bills that kind of means I might be overstepping boundaries.
Instead of just paying your partner I think I’d want to know it was okay. I wouldn’t want a roommate to have someone stay over two nights a week on an ongoing basis. In addition to utilities which you tried to pay, and noise which you try to keep down, living with two other people is already a challenge.
Adding a fourth person, I hope they are someone I really like to see every single time I bump into them because otherwise, it’s a stranger hanging out two nights a week.
In other words, your partner is the jerk, you’re NTJ but you probably wouldn’t be my favorite person.
I know that sounds mean and I don’t want that but I think it has to be said. You have some part in this too.
But before you decide it’s easier to pretend this was a misunderstanding (it wasn’t) you really should ask him to explain exactly how he saw it and make it add up for you.
He needs to tell a story that makes sense where you paid bills and he kept the money.” dog_star_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re justified in feeling this way, in my opinion. However, I can’t guarantee that he wasn’t that dumb to make this mistake sincerely.
To some, you contributing to the rent at all is weird (though I totally disagree with this assessment, it’s quite reasonable), so it’s entirely possible he made a dumb mistake. I’m which case he should try to rectify said mistake by reimbursing the roommates accordingly.
Even if he doesn’t have the funds right now, over a period of time. You know him best, you have to use your own judgment about the sincerity of his mistake and whether you had communicated your intent.” techienate
4. WIBTJ If I Don't Tell My Family That I'm Not Biologically Related To Them?
“I (34F) recently took a DNA test. I was looking for heritage history; partly because I don’t know very much about my maternal ancestry, and, partly because I’ve had a suspicion for the last 20 years that my dad (55) isn’t my bio parent.
I’ve always known the history of my paternal side, and it’s blatantly obvious that I don’t look like anyone on that side. I look enough like my mom (55) and have weird features that my dad has, and it’s never raised a question.
I’ve been no contact with my mom for a number of reasons, for a number of years.
When the results came through, I was surprised by my heritage percentages. Almost 25% Italian. No one I know in the family is Italian.
So, I check on my ‘connections,’ thinking maybe I would find a random cousin and start connecting the dots. Nope. An entire stranger of a man is listed as my father, and a girl about my age is my half-sister.
After sitting on this for a while, I contacted the sister. She and I have been communicating for a while now, and get along well. There is another younger half-sister and a younger half-brother. My biological father apparently knew I existed, but was told by my newly pregnant mom that she was going to tell her current partner (my birth certificate father) that I was his, and he (bio father) never heard anything after that.
My parents raised me together until I was about two years old. My mom had custody of me until I was 12, and then I moved in with my dad. He and I are very close, and I am his only child.
Now, the only family I have left alive is my birth certificate father’s side. We are all close and get along like a normal family. I don’t want to tell any of them. But over Easter, it also felt so weird to hear my aunt say things like ‘oh, you get that from our side.’
WIBTJ if I never tell them? Are they obligated or entitled to know?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You definitely would not be the jerk if you didn’t tell them, this is deeply personal and could be deeply hurtful to them to learn.
B***d doesn’t make family, love does.
However, if you are thinking that you want to let them know because you want to openly have a relationship with your biological family, I would just advise you to tread lightly, because this could be hurtful to members of your family.
Keep in mind, you aren’t obligated to tell them, and they have no right to know, this is your information and you can choose to do with it as you want.” Lexi_The_G
Another User Comments:
“This is a crappy way to learn about it.
You have some tough choices ahead and I don’t envy you for those. If you do decide to tell your Dad this, make sure you very clearly communicate how much you love and appreciate him because it will probably be very hard for him to hear.
On the other hand, you’ll need to weigh that against what telling him (or anyone in your family) would accomplish. Only you can make that decision.
No jerks here, just hard choices. Think about it carefully and thoroughly.
Best of luck to you.” sucksatchess666
Another User Comments:
“Have you told any of your birth certificate family that you took the DNA test? If the answer is yes and one of them takes the test, there might be issues when you don’t match up as a relative.
I have a friend who took the test and found out that her brother is actually her half-brother. Her father is deceased and they don’t want to tell their mom what they know. But they also haven’t told the sister.
I worry about what will happen if she decides to take a DNA test and find out this information and knows that they sat on this for several years without letting her know. Your situation is a little different, but it is possible it could get out so you need to decide if you would rather be proactive or reactive with the information.
NTJ, no matter what decision you make.” ohmissfiggy
3. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Husband For Peeing On My Brother's Furniture?
“My husband (23M) and I (25F) currently live in two different counties due to being stationed on different bases in the military but visit each other every other month, either me flying to his country or him flying to wherever I live.
Obviously, my family who happens to live in the country where I am stationed is super excited every time my husband comes to visit and they go all out when it comes to drinking and stuff.
One night, they had a little get-together and my brother and his friends invited us to join them for a BBQ and some drinks.
Well, it escalated pretty quickly and I got tipsy pretty fast and got a headache so I told my brother and husband I’ll be heading home to lay down and hopefully not wake up to a massive migraine.
They all live in the same area, so my brother’s home was within walking distance and I could easily walk to my brother’s home by myself.
Since I live a little further apart and nobody was able to be a designated driver anymore we decided to spend the night with my brother, he has a sleeping couch and a blow-up mattress.
So like I said I was tipsy and didn’t feel so good so I was laying down.
At around 3 AM I woke up to loud voices and something or someone definitely fell on the floor… I opened up the door in the living room that was connected to the hallway and I see my brother trying to take my husband’s shoes off because he was too wasted to do it himself.
At that point, I knew he was not going to sleep on the couch because accidents happen and I don’t want my husband to pee on the couch because it definitely has happened before that he has peed himself while wasted and sleeping.
So I sent him to sleep on the blowup mattress right next to the couch.
He fell asleep pretty fast, so far so good… Little did I know that he would wake up again to pee… Well, I got woken up again, this time around to peeing sounds.
He sat at the coffee table peeing like he was sitting on the toilet. Obviously, he was too wasted to realize and I was going off on him because if that was me peeing on his brother’s furniture while being super wasted he would be mad too… I had to clean everything in the middle of the night and didn’t even get a ‘thank you’.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but yikes the drinking problems.
It sounds like drinking is the glue that everyone uses to interact. That is toxic and I really hope you can change that dynamic. Sorry that you got stuck cleaning it up.
On the positive side at least he sat down to pee. That counts for something I guess.” sucksatchess666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your husband is an embarrassment. ‘Accidents happen’ isn’t an excuse for a grown man to be so sloppy and wasted that he pees all over another person’s belongings.
Stop enabling this.” teratodentata
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Honey, I have been in this situation, partnered with someone who has peed at various places other than toilets when wasted. It’s not ok. He needs to acknowledge that and respect why you’re upset about it.
That’s actually the bare minimum. You can’t live life with someone who drinks to the point that they will literally pee on the things that are important to you and not admit that’s a problem.” Sweeper1985
2. WIBTJ If I Don't Warn My Mom's Fiancé About Her Narcissism?
“So my mom (45F) got together with this guy (50M) back in August of 2021. They hit it off well and are set to be engaged in September of 2022.
The closer they became, the more she openly expressed her narcissistic tendencies.
She always expects extreme gratitude for the smallest things like getting toilet paper from the store, and constantly says ‘you don’t love me!’ for not doing every little thing that she demands. Nothing is ever to her standards and she is quick to name-call and threaten to destroy our property.
I have had to rescue my clothes from her at least once. When she’s not being antagonistic, she ignores all of us completely, preferring to stay over at her fiance’s place and hang out with him.
Recently her narcissism has reached a new low.
I overheard her say ‘Why does he have to care about his kids so much?! His son’s just lazy and his daughter’s a flirt!’ She had just finished a ‘loving’ daily phone call with her fiancé. I think she realized I heard her reveal her true opinion because she then told me, ‘Don’t you dare tell him I said that!’ before she stomped off.
Here’s the point where I’m unsure what to do. Do I tell him what she said? He seems like a nice guy who genuinely cares about his kids so I’ve been considering it. On the other hand, if I do tell him and it ends/ruins their relationship, I’m afraid my mom is going to take it out on me.
I may be an adult but there’s no way I could afford to move out yet, even with my current job. What should I do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Do you have friends you could stay with? I was raised by a narcissist and I understand the position you are in and I probably would be at loss at what to do as well.
Odds are this man will leave her one way or another whether you tell him or not, she will also take it out on you. I’ll be honest, if she’s a narcissist that will yell and scream and throw a fit and throw a pity party, tell him.
Those types of narcissists are like children and they’ll tire themselves out eventually and if you’re lucky you’ll get the silent treatment and have a break from the toxic stuff they spew, I used to hate the silent treatment until I realize how amazing it is.
If she’s the totally unhinged type which my mom is and will do everything in her power to destroy you if you go against her just the slightest, I suggest keeping that conversation for when you move.
1 wrong move with my narcissistic mom cost me my freedom, she pulled a Britney Spears and Amanda Bynes and I am just getting my name cleared.
When it comes to narcissists it’s best to observe how stable they are before you make any decisions that might go against them.
I know it sucks because of your financial situation but if there is a way you could live with a friend, find a place with a roommate, do that because Narcissists only get worse as they age and they tend to target their children.
My mom got into the psych field to hide her mental illness better and she used it to completely destroy my life and now that I’ve taken control, she’s lost her mind. Be careful whatever your decision may be.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to tell the truth to someone who appears to be a good person. But considering it may make your stay in your mother’s house untenable, I think it’s better not to speak up.
They are adults. A 50yo man should be able to work out if his partner is making him uncomfortable, and eventually she’ll show her true colors to him. This is just my take. Others may say something different, but I’m concerned for you till you can leave home.” AffectionateMine2220
Another User Comments:
“It really isn’t your business. Has absolutely nothing to do with you. Don’t create a bad situation for yourself by sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong.
It shouldn’t affect you, like yeah it’s messed up but honestly who cares what she says about his kids?
As long as it isn’t affecting your mental health or living situation just mind your business and focus on saving funds to move out eventually.
I’m not sure why everyone in this comment thread is encouraging you to say something to her fiancé when you are a young adult that currently lives with your mother who is obviously insane and will make your life a complete misery until you get away from her if she finds out you breathed a word to that man about what she said.
It does not pay to be nosy.” Maiahnnaise
Does he come around your house at all? I would try to get him to the side and ask him if it seems that she's treating him poorly lately. I'd straight out tell him that that's just how she is and that it only gets worse, assuming it normally does. Remind him that you've lived your whole life seeing her in action. Tell him that he's too nice of a guy and that he doesn't deserve to be tied down to that for the rest of his life...... or even at all, of course. And OF COURSE ask him to PLEASE not mention it, as it will turn your life into a nightmare. Tell him to just take his time and observe, then come to his own conclusion.
1. AITJ To Telling My Mom To Be A Better Communicator?
“I (14f) was arguing with my mom earlier over how she has put not much effort into me since my parents’ divorce (around 2016ish, lots of stuff happened that year so she hasn’t been a part of my life due to her choice of not asking my dad to see me).
She has barely bought any clothes for me, not much of the stuff I wanted, etc and my dad was getting mad at her for it. They’ve never had the best relationship but my mom’s upset w me for believing my dad but I only believe him because I’ve been shown proof and have dealt with how she is.
And I do know I may be overreacting. But I went into our game room to calm down until tomorrow because I tend to go into an episode after arguments like that and instead of giving me space or talking to me herself, she sends my stepdad to talk for her which also made me upset along with her comparing me to her sister (which she hates her so it felt like she was indirectly saying she hated me or disliked me).
I try my best to react well but it’s very hard considering I’ve never been shown how to react well until recently!
And more to the mom thing, for five years she barely texted, called, or asked to see me and my older brother and said ‘it’s because of my dad’ even though I’ve been shown proof that she just didn’t try.
And she gets upset with me since I have times where I just give up on trying because she never tried until now! Which now she also barely tries and gets mad when I don’t come over every single weekend of the month nor text/call but she never texts or calls me either so why should I?
It feels like she uses her mental illnesses or whatever happened that day as an excuse to be the victim but that’s fully just me it feels like.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your feelings are valid, this is how you’re feeling and that is absolutely ok.
Don’t let anyone try to dismiss your experience. You say your mum has mental illnesses which I want to say can be, and often are, debilitating. There is also probably a lot that has happened in your parents’ relationship, that you are not privy to as well.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s bad that your mother doesn’t seem to want to contact you much during the times you’re with your dad, and that makes it very understandable that you’re reluctant to go and see her and feel as though she isn’t very interested in what’s going on in your life.
Do you think that she would be open to having a conversation about how you’re feeling, and what you feel you need from her going forward? At 14 you are old enough to be able to verbalize your opinion and how you have felt about everything that happened. Communication is a two-way street as well, have you tried texting her about things?
If so, does she respond when you do? If not, maybe you can find it within you to give her one more chance, and take the initiative yourself to reach out to her more often?” InsomniacEnglish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not wrong to want someone to work on communication. I would say overall it would benefit you both to get some counseling. Sounds like there are some issues still going on that have roots in the past and it takes time to heal and move on and deal with these things without generating additional problems in the process.
It really helps to have an outside person to help make that shift. If that’s not an option then I would say some patience and kindness go a long way, as well as establishing boundaries and discussing expectations.
It’s very possible your mother has her own issues going on, too – just something to keep in mind.” ConstipatedParrots
