People Want To Recall On Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
21. AITJ For Pointing Out My Partner Spends So Much On Nonsense Things?
“My partner and I have been together for 2 years. Recently my beloved Honda Accord died after 320k miles and I had to immediately get another car as public transport isn’t an option.
My partner began showing me BMWs and we went to see a 2017 BMW 3 series. It was 26k which was wild to me as I can get a new car for that price. I ended up with a Toyota Corolla cross for 14k and he called me boring for it.
I don’t care at all about cars so I don’t mind a boring car.
On the other side, he keeps complaining that women spend too much on clothes. I have the same amount of clothes as him but he doesn’t seem to realize it and thinks I have far more clothes and spend way more than him on clothes.
Because each of my pieces costs a lot more I buy a lot less of them. But they last for 5-10 years. Like I have 6 cashmere sweaters that are over $200 each but I buy 1 a year.
I bought another one this year on 60% off and he complained that I spend way too much on these sweaters and I challenged him to figure out how much he spends on clothes vs me.
We both went through our credit cards. He spent almost double what I did on clothes because he bought 14 pieces and I bought 3 this year. Because my stuff is really nice they just last forever. For example every 3 months he needs a new pair of jeans because his rips.
I have had the same pair for over a decade. Mine cost over $100 and his was $30. He needs winter boots every year and it’s usually leaking water by spring. My boots are 5 years old and still fine but his is $50 and mine are $200. He got mad and said each of my clothes was still way more expensive and I spent way too much per piece.
I had spent a long time trying to make the point to him that better stuff is worth the price and pointed out he spends a lot on his car. He has an Audi A4 and it’s like $900 a month while any car would do so why is he wasting money on cars but when I buy a sweater that lasts for years it’s a waste of money?
Because even he admits in terms of mileage, a Toyota probably will do more miles over its life than his Audi. He snapped back that he was not ok with a boring car and ignored me for 2 days.
I feel like he’s ok with spending way too much on a car because it’s a guy thing but since clothes are girly it’s a waste.
But it made him mad when he saw I actually spent less on the ‘girly’ things than him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like he doesn’t wanna give up his beliefs of ‘Girls Drool!’ You’re buying things for the longer term. You spend more, but buy less and buy the thing less frequently.
That’s being smart. You care about quality. His mentality sounds like some ‘I hate my wife/girls only care about shopping’ boomer humor type of crap.
Also, are you really happy with a man who can’t deal with being wrong and throwing a silent tantrum about it?
If he acts like this about clothes and a car, how will he be if/when you have your first kid? He will want to get the most expensive stroller, but will probably expect one onesie to last until the kid is 3?” GottaKnowYourCKN
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To be honest, it seems like you’re more well-off than him and he’s trying to ease you into spending less on yourself, so you can spend more on things he likes and can enjoy. Who leases an Audi for $900 a month? That’s poor people trying to look rich behavior.
Are you sure you didn’t accidentally snag a broke boy, who is flexing fake wealth to keep you?” HeadTripDrama
20. AITJ For Asking My Kids If They Want To Spend The Weekend With Me Instead Of Their Grandparents?
“My (42 M) wife (39 F) and I have two kids (10 M and 7 F).
My son and daughter are everything to me. However, for the past 5 years or so, since before the global crisis and a bit after, I worked overseas and I rarely came home (I am a petroleum engineer and work on offshore rigs). I came home maybe 4 times in the past five years, only staying for a week max.
My kids basically think of me as a stranger, and that is not their fault, it is mine. But everything I do is to provide for them, and my wife works overtime and I cannot even begin to express how much I appreciate her for that.
She has been so understanding. We need the money, hence why I do what I do.
The issue: I recently came back and switched to an on-site desk job, about a month or two ago. My kids are still shy around me, and I want to get to know them better.
My kids recently started coming out of their shells, and they usually spend a couple of weekends per month at my in-laws’ place, whenever my wife has to work weekends. My wife had to work this weekend and told me on Thursday. I asked my kids if they wanted to spend this weekend with me instead of their grandparents.
No pressure of course. I did want to incentivize them to stay, though, so I promised ice cream after dinner on both days and a fast food lunch (both with my wife’s permission). My son accepted immediately, and my daughter had to be bribed with a later bedtime on Saturday (my wife approved once again).
I just did this because I want to spend more time with my kids. I know I cannot make up for the times I’ve missed, but I don’t want to miss anymore. However, my in-laws called me yesterday and gave me an earful about how I am interrupting their time with their grandkids and how I am breaking their tradition.
I told them I just wanted to spend time with my kids, and next time my wife has to work the weekend I will send them over for sure to make up for it. They said I should find my own time to hang out with them, make traditions with them, and not interfere with what’s going on.
They accused me of bribing my kids for affection (partially true I guess) and for taking their grandkids away from them. They also called me a ‘deadbeat’ which I feel wasn’t fair since I didn’t want to be away, my job made me, and I was constantly sending every penny I could back home.
Had my kids still said no, I would’ve sent them to their grandparents. I did bribe them, but it’s just with school and everything, I barely get time with them and weekends are the best. And with my wife on her business trip too, I get one-on-one time with them.
I was just so excited and may have gotten carried away. My wife is going to stay neutral on this, but AITJ for interrupting their grandparent time?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! These are your kids! I understand why your in-laws would be sad to miss out on their usual weekends, but if they really care about the kids they should be glad you’re home and eager to build a stronger relationship with your family.
If you want to be nice you could suggest the in-laws come hang out with you and the kids so you can both get some fun kid time in, but you’re not obligated to, especially if the kids are likely to ignore you in favor of the grandparents in that case.
You’re already being nice by saying they’ll definitely get the next weekend! You’re allowed to want to spend time with your kids and you’re allowed to make decisions (with your wife) about your kids’ schedule.” SilverStars413
Another User Comments:
“There are people who live in expensive areas with two (or more) kids and manage to do so, comfortably, without leaving their kids for five years.
You chose your career over your family and now you want to play dad. Your kids already have a life and a routine and it’s not fair if you ask them to change those things for a stranger.
On the other hand, your in-laws need to understand that you are trying to get to know your children after abandoning them for five years and should be trying to encourage that relationship.
Everyone sucks here because honestly, I think everyone is thinking of themselves and not what’s best for the kids and what THEY want.” WaywardMarauder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The thing is, your in-laws were helping your wife out because you were away and she was working – now you are back, there is no longer the need for them to help.
That doesn’t mean you are taking your kids away, it was only ever a temporary need while your work took you away. There’s a new normal that means adjustments and changes for everyone. Good luck.” StabbyMum
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Parents To Share Their Stuff With My Brother And His Family?
“My brother (32) has been knocking up his wife (32) since they were in high school. Their oldest is now 13 but they have three more.
She is a stay-at-home mom and he works as cleaning staff at a FIFO camp. It’s pretty good money but they waste a lot of it.
They have multiple gaming systems and the two oldest kids have very new iPhones.
I (28) live in the loft above my parents’ garage. I do not pay rent because my folks want me to save up for my future. I help out around the house and I buy groceries for my parents as well as myself.
My brother and his family live in the in-law suite in my parent’s basement. It was supposed to be a rental to get them some extra money for when they retired but after my brother lost his job because he would not get immunized our folks let them move in.
I also loved to buy them gifts but my brother and his family always needed exactly what I happened to give them. For example, I brought my mom a very colorful bag from Colombia called a mochila. It is just a woven cotton shoulder bag made with very vibrantly colored yarn.
My niece (9) saw it and wanted to use it for a project at school. Where she promptly ‘lost’ it. I got my father a bottle of Van Winkler bourbon since he loves to have a drink after a long day. My brother and his wife found it and drank it mixed with orange juice because it was so ‘strong tasting’.
So now I do other stuff. I took my mom to go see Anastasia and I got us really good seats. No one else was invited. I took my dad out for a steak dinner and then to a speakeasy in our city and treated him to a $160 cocktail.
These are things my parents love doing but won’t ‘waste’ money on.
I keep the groceries I buy in my loft. I will make meals for my parents and have them over. Or I will bring the ingredients and cook with my dad.
My brother started asking why I don’t leave the groceries in the freezer, fridge, or pantry that they have access to.
And why I stopped buying my parents gifts.
He says that I’m living there for free and I should give them more. I asked him how much he was paying them in rent or how he was contributing to the household and he said he was tired on the weeks he was home and that his wife and kids were ‘too busy’ to help.
I work a full-time job, I volunteer at a cat rescue, I do theater sports as a hobby, and I still manage to help with yard work, housework, errands, and helping with my grandmother who is in a locked-in facility for dementia patients. I pointed this out and he said I was being a little jerk.
I said I wasn’t stupid enough to leave anything around that he or his family could steal.
Now we are fighting and my parents are upset. His wife called me a jerk for not sharing the treats I buy for my parents. I can afford to buy treats for my parents and me.
But not for five more people who do not contribute.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is actually clever. I’d keep that up. Sporting events, movies, more dinners, shows, and any kind of experience rather than effects that can be stolen!
As for your paying rent or not, that is between your parents and you, none of your mooching, stealing brother’s business.
You could always tell him a porky pie, and he wouldn’t be any the wiser, whether you were paying a dollar or 5k$. And of course, you should not be buying treats for your brother’s family. That is his duty.
In the long run, I don’t think you will be happy in that house as long as your brother is there.
What you have to figure out is which one of you will move out. I find it ridiculous that a man who can father half a football team has had to move in with his parents. He should actually be made to keep it wrapped up!” FragrantEconomist386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s obvious that they are aware you are still treating your parents…
1. Unless you abduct your parents and then swear them to secrecy afterward, it must be known within the household where mom/dad are, or have been from mom/dad talking about it.
2. this… ‘His wife called me a jerk for not sharing the treats I buy for my parents.’ Why would she be butthurt at all about not sharing those things if not aware you were still gifting them? 100% they both noticed the change and 100% they are resentful they are no longer able to ‘share’ your gifts.
Both are clearly entitled and need to grow up.
Tell them to stop crapping on you for wanting to repay your parents’ kindness, and stop feeling entitled to your money/gifts when they haven’t done a thing to earn them.” Doktor_Seagull
18. AITJ For Calling My Husband Inconsiderate After He Messed Up Our Son's Food Order?
“I’m 44F, my husband is 44M, and our sons are 11 and 13. 11 had some medical procedures today and asked for takeout from one of his favorite restaurants.
I called my husband to ask him to order because I was driving. My husband ordered and picked it up. 11 asked for his chicken and my husband brought him a wing. 11 started crying because he eats drumsticks, like every kid. My husband only ordered a wing and thigh.
11 has always eaten the same pieces (drumstick and breast to be specific). My husband got mad that I didn’t tell him exactly what to order. I said if you don’t know what your 11-year-old eats then you don’t know him.
For background, we order from this place every month or so for over a decade.
We each get the same things every time. My husband and I order equally. He handles the food (cooking and takeout) about 75% of the time.
A little bit later I told my husband that I didn’t want to fight but this is exactly what I’m talking about when I say he’s not considerate.
That all 3 of us feel like he doesn’t care about us when he does this kind of stuff. I told him that 13 said ‘Dad always forgets the important stuff’ when he found out why 11 was crying. We all feel like he doesn’t care when he forgets basic stuff about us.
He dismissed me saying that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. I said we feel like you don’t care and you can’t tell us how to feel.
I’ve come to realize over the last year or so that my husband is inconsiderate, not just forgetful.
Other examples: He will eat the kids’ last food or snack and not ask if they want it. I had a leg injury this year (in a cast and walker) and he left things in the walkway, even after I pointed out there was stuff in my way that I couldn’t get around.
He had to take care of 13’s birthday cake because of my injury and didn’t get candles. 13 was upset and my husband got mad that no one appreciated that he got the cake.
We’ve been together 23 years and he’s never gotten me a cake, let alone put candles in it.
His birthday is 6 weeks before mine. I always get him a cake or special dessert, put candles in it, and sing Happy Birthday with the kids.
So AITJ for calling my husband inconsiderate over a minor thing like messing up a food order?”
Another User Comments:
“Whatever else he is, he’s super unobservant. Doesn’t remember his son only eats drumsticks, leaves things in the way when his wife is temporarily disabled, and doesn’t understand why he should done better.
The birthday candles, okay, I can see that as just an oversight since he was handling more than usual with OP only semi-mobile.
But taken all together? Plus, both the kids volunteered to OP that he can’t be depended on. That says this incident & the other two mentioned are just the tip of the iceberg.
Yes, he is inconsiderate. He is also dismissive of the negative effects of his actions.
OP, you’re NTJ.
If your marriage is to have a chance. If the relationship with his sons isn’t to deteriorate into low contact or no contact. Marriage counseling is long overdue. If he refuses, go for individual counseling to determine how to deal with him.” JewelCatLady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A shocking number of husbands and fathers live their lives like this. They’re not impaired, they are just as capable as anyone of remembering details and noticing feelings when something is important to them, they just don’t think it’s important when it comes to their families.
They will spend decades doing the bare minimum, often resentfully, and then act shocked when their wives slowly check out and their grown kids don’t call them. The worst thing is – it’s not even malicious.
They’re not even thinking about their families’ feelings that deeply.
They don’t think about them at all. They just live in their own little world. They’ll follow explicit instruction (mostly), but they won’t engage their critical thinking skills while they do so, and they certainly won’t go beyond the scope of the instruction.
They’re going through the motions of being a husband and father, and they figure that’s good enough.
Family isn’t something they’re supposed to ‘earn’, it’s just something they ‘have’. Sometimes they snap out of it when the situation gets dire enough.
Sometimes, even if that happens, it’s too late. The fact that your children are stating, out loud, that they don’t feel like dad cares about them ‘should’ be dire enough to get his attention. Let’s hope he spends some time reflecting on it.” DiTrastevere
Next time his birthday rolls around, don't do anything, and I do mean anything, for him. And see how he likes it. And make a meal you know he doesn't hate, but doesn't love, but the kids do, and when he complains, say "Oh, I forgot this isn't one of your favorites." and see how he reacts. Do it often enough and he'll get the message. Good luck.
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Kids Stay At Their Grandparents'?
“Ever since the birth of my oldest son (now 7) there has been a lingering tension with my parents. We have two boys (7 & 2). They do not agree with how we raise the kids. We don’t have any weird or extreme rules. We are talking mostly about limiting screen time, the kids’ diet, and breastfeeding!
(My parents rolled their eyes at me breastfeeding – they consider me a hippie parent for doing that), watching violence on TV etc. They never pass up on an opportunity to criticize.
One afternoon a week they take care of the oldest one. Regularly the kids spend a Saturday at the grandparents’ house or have a sleepover during holidays.
The grandparents continuously push the limits of our rules for the kids. We are less strict about sweets at the grandparents, but there are still limits.
We try to balance grandparents indulgence with our parenting rules, but they always want to go a step further, constantly pushing the limits.
My husband and I both hate conflict and we are ‘go along to get along’ type of people, but we feel we are being disrespected
Recently, over lunch at our home, my husband mentioned to my father that we don’t want the youngest one (2 years old) to have chocolate yet.
He can have an age-appropriate cookie, but no pure chocolate or candy bars. (The topic was brought up by my parents). My father said to my husband ‘Be quiet and eat your food, because in 5 minutes you have to go’ (true, my husband had an appointment.) ‘And when you are not around, I can do whatever I want with your kids, your rules don’t count if you are not there’.
My father had this really smug look on his face and was laughing at us. A ‘Haha, I do what I want and you can’t stop me’ kind of thing. I was on the phone for work so I could not react in the moment, but I saw and heard it happen because I walked into the room coincidently.
Later I tried to speak to my father and make clear that we felt this statement was unacceptable to us. That we are still the parents and they should respect our wishes, at least in principle. Moreover, he should be more respectful to my husband in his own house.
My father blew up and then I blew up and it turned into a big fight (which I regret, I don’t want to fight, but I also want to be respected as a parent). My parents seem to think that because I am their daughter (40 years old) I should listen to them and because they have ‘parental authority’ over me, this kind of means they also have it over the grandchildren.
The result is that we now say: if you can’t respect us as parents (eg not undermining us all the time), the kids will be spending much less unsupervised time with them. So no more structural taking care of them. We will visit over the weekend, so they can still see them.
But for now, there will be no more sleepovers, etc, as long as they don’t change their attitude.
We are now being accused of blackmailing them and hurting them.
Are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re 40 years old. They might be your parents, but they actually stopped having ‘parental authority’ over you a long time ago.
For that and the smugness of what and how your father said what he said, the absolute disrespect of both you and your husband as grown adults and parents, I’d be severely limiting any time with the grandkids. Simply tell the oldest that grandma and grandpa are in a timeout because they don’t respect the rules.
Until they can learn to be respectful, zero time with the grandkids. Those are the ‘consequences’ of their actions. It’s not a punishment. NTJ. Stand firm and don’t back down.” CalicoHippo
Another User Comments:
“Your parents’ behavior isn’t just boundary stomping, it’s abusive.
They have no respect for you because you are ‘peacemakers’ and have let them behave this way with no consequences. So it’s time to enforce some boundaries. These are your children and your rules are normal and reasonable. They have openly told them that your rules will not be respected if you are not there.
Removing your children from their harmful and disrespectful behavior is not blackmail. Your children should not be left unsupervised with your parents, period. If they talk to your husband like a child, get up and leave. If they disrespect your rules, get up and leave.
They will either learn some respect or they won’t see much of you. You have been jerks to yourselves but you are NTJ for enforcing boundaries.” Dogmother123
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go On A Vacation With My Husband's Family Anymore?
“This all started a few years ago when my (now) husband and I moved in together.
It was the summer that everyone started traveling again post-2020. We had decided as a couple to go on vacation to a Hilton Head resort area (Sea Pines), that has lots of house and condo rentals on the property. The plans were originally made with my parents and brother so we rented a big house with them.
Then my husband’s family said they wanted to go, which we all thought would be a great idea as his family could meet mine, and they rented their own condo on the property.
When it came time for the trip, my husband, myself, and my family all arrived and my in-laws kept saying they were coming.
They were driving there so they could leave whenever they wanted. They never showed up, because my father-in-law was apparently scared of getting sick on the trip, but then we found out they went on a boating trip with their friends that week instead. Of course, we felt upset, especially my husband, as we wanted to see them and have our two families meet.
The next summer my husband’s family said that they wanted to take us to Hilton Head for the 4th of July week. My husband and I put in for vacation from work and get ready to go. Two weeks before the trip, we found out that my father-in-law never booked anything and was instead going on a golf trip with friends.
As this was the week of the 4th of July, almost everything on the island was booked. His mother then finds a hotel and books it, without mentioning to us that it’s only one room for 6 people. We go on the trip and it is absolutely miserable when we find out that 6 people are sleeping in a two-bed room, with one bathroom.
Ever since then, I told my husband that his family could meet us somewhere but I’m never planning a trip or going on vacation with them again. His family has a habit of doing everything last minute, which leaves fewer options, makes things more expensive, and has historically resulted in us being disappointed. Now my husband is upset with me because I won’t plan trips with them but I don’t feel like I did anything wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Agree with your reasoning but how about a ‘compromise’ for your husband. They can be included in any vacation you decide on but it is their responsibility to book THEIR accommodations and travel.
In light of your FIL’s habit of only caring about HIS trips, it’s not an unreasonable ask that they can be included, all they have to do is… want it enough to do something.
If your husband is mad, it’s at his parents’ inability to be responsible but he still cares for them and does not want to see a blanket kibosh on any future get-togethers. If everyone is responsible for their own (after group decision on what/when/how long of a trip), then your husband can be on his parents’ case about following up.” catskilkid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re really not saying you won’t go on vacation with them. You just won’t leave the planning up to them. Plan any trip you want and then send them the details. Say hubby and I are going to Hilton Head from A to B, here’s the name of the resort and phone number so you can call and book a room if you would like to join us.
If they invite you to join them on a trip, tell your husband that you will be willing to go as long as you have your own room, and then let him book it. That way you’re not the one jumping through hoops, and he sees just how much the cost will be.” Glinda-The-Witch
15. AITJ For Not Forcing My Niece And Nephew To Visit Their Dying Stepdad?
“My brother Jay was married to Claire and together they had Leo (18 m) and Cara (16 f). Jay died when the kids were 5 and 7. Claire met her second husband Josh a year and a half later and they married when the kids were 8 and 10. Sadly, only days after their wedding Claire was diagnosed with terminal cancer and passed away five months later.
Before her death, she told me the kids wanted to live with me or my parents when she was gone and did not want to remain with Josh. She wanted me to take them because my parents had become incredibly messed up after we lost Jay and she was worried about the kids not being well taken care of.
She told me she knew her Josh would raise them but the kids wanted their family and she wanted to make this as easy on them as possible. So I agreed and after Claire died the kids came to live with me and did not see Josh again.
A few weeks ago Josh contacted me through social media. He’s on hospice and had apparently been thinking about Claire and the kids and he always regretted that the kids hadn’t gotten close enough to him to want him raising them after Claire died. He said it would bring him some peace if he could see them again, even if it was only for a few minutes.
He told me he felt like it was a tragedy how everything happened.
I asked Leo and Cara if they would at all want or be willing to go see him. I made it clear there was no pressure but I wanted to give them the chance to decide.
Neither of them wanted to go see Josh. I told them it was fine and I let him know that it would not be possible but I was sorry to hear how sick he was and I hoped he could find peace.
He replied to me a couple of days after my response and said he understood.
Then a couple of days after that his brother and sister tell me how trashy it is that I wouldn’t encourage the kids to go see him or make them go if I had to. They said their brother did his best while he was in their lives and they discarded him like trash.
They said he would never get the chance to see them again, he’ll be gone and I should be ashamed of my actions.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is a tragedy, but they were children when he came into their lives for a hot minute, and he exited their lives quickly after.
If they haven’t had any kind of relationship with him over the last decade… the choice is theirs to make. The 18-year-old is a grown adult who can make his own decisions, and the 16yo is close enough. ‘Forcing them to go’ (is that really a thing people do?) is not an option.
Whatever Josh wants, the two of them show up with sullen looks because they were commanded to attend, isn’t it? He was hoping for one last connection before his time was up, but that’s not in the cards. It’s sad, but it’s also the reality.
I hope he does find peace and ease in his last days.” OaktownPirate
Another User Comments:
“Josh’s brother and sister don’t appreciate the reality that he was only in their lives not quite 3 years, meeting them approximately when they were 6 1/2 and 8 1/2. They were 8-10 when their mom married Josh, only for her to die 5 months later.
That is not them ‘discarding Josh like trash.’ They were children. He was not their parent and there was no bond formed during that brief time he was married to their mother. Yes, the way everything fell out IS a tragedy, but your sister’s kids, being children at the time do not owe him familial duties.
It was not selfish of you to give them a choice about whether or not to see him.
I’m sorry for his brother and sister, but none of you deserve to be harassed, shamed, or anything else by them. NTJ” MorriganNiConn
14. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Brother's Husband's Boots?
“We (M & F, 50s) have a nine-month-old puppy. I’ve struggled to train him and hired a professional trainer to help us out. Even so, he does puppy things like chewing anything he can find that looks interesting.
He has lots of specific dog toys, but they’re clearly not as well designed as all the human-owned things that are so much more desirable to his puppy brain.
Over Xmas, my brother ‘Ray’ (37) and his husband ‘Kevin’ (50) wanted to stay with us. I refused at first but finally agreed because accommodation is insanely expensive in the summer holidays.
Before I agreed, I gave them the full run-down on the puppy’s behavior. I told them they couldn’t leave anything on the floor, and the door to their bedroom had to be shut whenever they were not there. To make things easier, I cleared out the top shelf of the cupboard for them and bought several boxes with lids that clicked into place.
When they arrived, I reminded them again. My point was demonstrated when the puppy came trotting out to greet them with a pair of safety goggles in his mouth. I didn’t even know I owned safety goggles and had no idea where they could have come from.
Maybe he convinced a passing tradie to throw them over the fence to him?
Anyway, Kevin bought a new pair of RM Williams boots. He left the box on the floor of the living room, and the puppy devoured them. He’s demanding I pay to replace them because it was my dog that destroyed them.
I’m refusing, because I gave him fair warning and provided a secure place to store anything he didn’t want chewed up. They also insisted on staying here, claiming they couldn’t afford accommodation, but I pointed out that if Kevin can afford $650 for boots, he can afford a couple of nights in a local hotel.
I think in in the right, but my husband thinks I should pay. He said I’d be upset if the dog ate my boots. I said the dog DID eat my boots (although mine weren’t $650), and I changed my behavior to avoid it from happening again.
Husband says it’s not fair to expect people to remember, but I think that’s a silly argument and said if he really thinks we should pay, the money will come out of our joint account. Now he’s sitting in the living room with Kevin and they’re both sulking.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He left his boots on the living room floor?! They must have seemed like a gift to your dog! Kevin could not have left them in a more perfect place for the dog to eat them! It’s exactly the OPPOSITE of everything you told them!
Are you sure he didn’t hate the boots and needed to find a way to get rid of them on someone else’s dime? He’s just ludicrous! NTJ” meetmypuka
Another User Comments:
“I personally believe there’s a big difference between guests that were ‘invited’ and guests that asked to stay over.
The latter has a bigger responsibility to adapt to the circumstances of the home. You have a puppy and you let them know multiple times how to avoid this situation. If they choose to ignore your instructions, or even just forget, it’s on them.
NTJ.” basicgirly
13. AITJ For Not Caring About My Aunt's Allergies?
“I (17 f) was at a family dinner and my uncle (28 m) and his wife (24 f) were there. For context my aunt is slightly crazy, she claims to be allergic to everything, and normally I would be okay with the allergies until she told me if she didn’t like something she would just say she is allergic to it.
When she was asked for a full list of what she was allergic to she said her mom had the list and she didn’t know. I immediately stopped caring as much about her allergies.
My mom (40) on the other hand is severely gluten intolerant, like if she gets into it she can’t move for days.
No one on that side of the family will make any food she can eat. They won’t even leave croutons on the side of salads for her.
I had helped to make my favorite food for dinner, bacon-wrapped water chestnuts, and my uncle lost it because his wife is supposedly allergic to them.
I argued back that water chestnuts are a kind of radish, not a nut and he stopped yelling but they wouldn’t touch them. Fine by me, I got more.
Later on, I was eating a chocolate with Nutella in the middle and I gave my siblings (5 and 6) a piece.
My uncle lost it at me saying that my siblings were going to be around his wife and make her sick and put her in the hospital. He was yelling but I didn’t care. I said something along the lines of why should we tiptoe around your wife’s diet when she doesn’t even know what she’s allergic to, but you don’t even care if my mom is able to eat.
My aunt ran out of the room crying and my uncle started yelling at me. My mom got in the way and came to my defense but a lot of the family is saying I was in the wrong and should just have stopped eating.
My mom told me I did nothing wrong and other family said they hadn’t realized my mom couldn’t eat the food and that they would do better.
The family seems torn but I want an outsider’s opinion. AITJ?
By the way, this is my dad’s side of the family and he was away for business.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When people say they have an extensive list of allergies, they owe it to those providing the food to let them know what is on that list. ‘she told me if she didn’t like something she would just say she is allergic to it.
When she was asked for a full list of what she was allergic to she said her mom had the list and she didn’t know.’ What a bunch of nonsense.
I’m allergic to a couple of foods. (And some I don’t eat for other reasons.) If you ask me what things I cannot eat – or in some cases, will not eat – I can tell you straight out.
No list required. You don’t have to ask my mom.
As your aunt-by-marriage said, she uses ‘allergies’ as an excuse to avoid having to eat things she doesn’t like. Not a great look for a 24-year-old.
By the way: I don’t have a problem with someone not wanting to eat something, for whatever reason.
But if they’re going to use ‘allergic’ as an excuse, you should always ask ‘What happens when you eat that?’ Like, seriously, I’d have asked the aunt what exactly happens to her when she eats bacon-wrapped water chestnuts. (So I could be prepared for anaphylactic shock or whatever.) Or does she have to consult her mother first in order to answer that question?” Robbes_Watch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That side of the family sounds like a dumpster fire. If this persists, tell your aunt that for you to take any of her allergies seriously, she’ll need to provide some proof with actual allergy tests being completed. Everyone will then be on the same page about wheat, barley, and rye being off the table (for your mother’s sake) along with whatever your aunt is allergic to – no more, no less.
Everyone’s medical condition gets consideration, especially after all these years of your mother’s condition being swept under the rug. Your mom can prove she has a medical condition with either a gene test, b***d sample lab from diagnosis, or her biopsy used to diagnose.
Now her medical condition isn’t in question, thankfully. But if the aunt starts looking at this angle – your mom has to look at labels meticulously and limit her exposure to cross-contamination outside the home. She obviously has not been eating their food for a reason.
She’s consistent, for a reason, because Celiac Disease doesn’t take a holiday.” Stitch426
12. AITJ For Threatening To Call The Canadian Embassy?
“So back a few months ago I was hospitalized for a few weeks due to problems with my mental health and obviously that led to my mom knowing about my depression.
I was initially opposed to the idea of joining my mom’s visit overseas, but she kept insisting. I agreed to it at first but under the condition, it was 3 weeks and even then I didn’t want to go. Well, weeks later she said the flight had to be booked for 5 weeks.
She promised I would be living in a very comfortable place during the 5 weeks and not in some run-down place.
A few days later she started talking about how she was going to help me find better doctors in China and better medication. I got very angry with her and said if she was going to do this, I would not join her.
I was expecting to just meet relatives and go sightseeing, not go to a foreign country where I don’t even speak the language for medical help.
So after we arrived, I was introduced to my uncle’s place which was barely able to qualify not as a slum.
It did not have a working toilet and had to manually change the water. There was obviously no AC and I cannot stand the heat as someone who has lived their whole life in Canada. The bed was as hard as a rock. My mom had lied to me in order to get me to come.
Well soon after I was checked into a hotel instead so that issue was solved. However, I was beginning to lose trust in my mom and that’s exactly what happens next.
Literally the next day my mom goes and tells all my relatives about my depression and mental health struggles.
I do not know these relatives at all and was not comfortable sharing this with any of them. I haven’t even told some of my close friends. My relatives all of a sudden started treating me very differently and asking if I was happy. They started getting very touchy with me which I absolutely hate.
Then they started slandering Canadian health care and saying the medication was fraudulent. Everyone was attempting to brainwash me into thinking China is the best and will solve my mental health. I was then scheduled for a doctor’s appointment and my mom took all my meds to show the doctor later.
I had gone over this with my mom before I agreed to come, that I was here to visit family and sightsee, not to try and find medical help.
I was very upset with my mom after this and she lied to me time after time and we had only been here for 3 days.
This was too much for me so I threatened to contact the Canadian embassy basically for an SOS because I was trapped in a foreign country and felt I was at threat of being hurt because I had no idea what my mom would do next with me if she already completely betrayed my trust, and also I am a risk to myself because of my mental health.
The Canadian embassy would likely find a way home for me. My mom didn’t believe I could go back myself and basically thought it was a bluff and told me to go ahead and try.
AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, I CAN’T STRESS THIS ENOUGH, BUT GET OUT OF THERE IMMEDIATELY, DON’T EXPECT THINGS TO MAGICALLY GET FIXED OR FOR YOUR FAMILY TO HAVE A LIGHTNING MOMENT AND DECIDE TO LEAVE YOU.
IT’S BETTER TO BE SINFUL OF DISTRUSTING THAN TO BE A FOOL WHO LET HIMSELF CATCH.
If your mother is watching you with another family member, discreetly go to the reception of your hotel and ask them to please contact the Canadian embassy, even if that family member is accompanying you, explain that your family is watching you and you don’t trust them.
If at that moment your mother or a family member decides to intervene, the hotel security staff would restrict them, they would give you that call to your embassy and the police to force them to return your passport and any belongings of yours that they retained.
From there, it is very feasible that the embassy will help you return to Canada, and then you will have to cancel the ticket, but the priority for them is that you are on Canadian soil as soon as possible. PLEASE GET OUT OF THERE OP, I BEG YOU” Several_Book_2037
Another User Comments:
“Run to the embassy NOW. Don’t wait. If you get committed in their country you me never get out. Say nothing. You came to do some sightseeing and that’s what you plan to do – that’s what you say. Instead, get to the embassy.
If you’re staying at a hotel, pack your things and get to the embassy. Hopefully, you still have your passport. Won’t matter, they’ll be able to look you up in their computer files. Bring what identity doc got have with you. If you have to leave your things behind, leave them.
Never ever go anywhere with your mother again. She is a threat to your well-being. To not believe her lies that will follow. If you have money, get a taxi and get to the embassy. Tell the embassy everything you said here. If you can steal your passport back.
If not still leave. There’s an app that you can speak and it’ll translate English to Chinese. I read about it. Check Google apps/store. TEXT all of your friends in a group chat and let them know what’s going on and potentially having you committed and your passport taken away.
Text them the address you’re at, the address of your mom’s family. Ask them to reach out to the embassy in Canada. Maybe they can help you from their end. A group chat so they all know each other and work together.
You may not want to believe it but you’ve been tricked but also been kidnapped and are being forced to stay against your will – you need to tell your friends that and the embassy.
Put a password on your cellphone so they can’t get into it and pretend to be got to your friends.
NTJ. Please update us. Let us know if you got to the embassy and on the way home.” Outrageous-forest
11. WIBTJ If I Tell A Tattoo Artist I Don't Like Her Work?
“My darling dog died earlier this year and I’ve been wanting to get a memorial tattoo in her honor. For months I’ve talked and met up with different artists until I found one I liked and trusted. While I was doing this a friend of mine told me that his wife did tattoos.
I was interested in the work so I asked to see the portfolio. If I’m being honest the work isn’t… great. so I politely told him that it’s not really my style but thank you for telling me about her.
Now on to the problem.
That conversation happened in January. And every single time I see him he goes, ‘Did you get the tattoo yet? If not you should let my wife do it’ and every time I would say, ‘No thank you. I found an artist I liked and trusted’ and he would glare at me.
Then one time I ran into his wife and she asked me about the tattoo. I told her I hadn’t gotten it yet. Then she would go on about how she could do a much better job and she wouldn’t charge me as much.
I told her the same thing I’ve been telling her husband, that I found an artist I really like and she goes, ‘Well I have an artist I love and trust too.
But I give other artists a chance too’.
I kinda got frustrated and just walked away.
She overheard me talking about taking my niece out to get her eyebrow pierced. And she jumped in praising her piercing abilities and showed off her own ear piercing that looked like it was on the verge of falling out of her ear.
I said I’d think about it and she finally stopped asking… for that day.
I’m so tired of hearing how good she is from both of them almost every day. Why can’t they take no for an answer? Am I the only one in the universe who wants a tattoo right now?!
Please help! I don’t want to be mean to them but I also want them to stop asking me.
I think I may be the jerk ’cause I’ve just been beating around the bush instead of just saying I don’t want work by her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for sticking to what you want to do, your body, your choice. The fact they’re being so pushy about it is so annoying and makes them the jerk. I suggest trying to shut it down once and for all by saying that you don’t do business with friends or their families in case it turns out badly, it’s one thing if you have a problem with a business, it’s another when it’s friends involved because now there are feelings involved.
This works for me because I actually follow this principle, I would never hire a friend’s brother to do some work at my house, for example, because it could go sideways. This won’t work for you if you actually have a history of paying friends/their families to do work for you.” setomonkey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’m cautiously hopeful that there may still be better ways of dealing with the situation than insults. They do seem pretty oblivious, but finding an airtight excuse seems like it could have some effect. If they’re even somewhat reasonable, they won’t argue with the logic of ‘Sorry, but I don’t feel comfortable with getting a home tattoo, I’d much rather go through a professional business front’ or something to that extent.
If they continue to press the point after that, THEN I think it’s time to be honest with them by letting them know that they’ve both been quite pushy and it’s made you quite uncomfortable, and that, while you had made an effort to let her down nicely, you frankly aren’t interested in her work.
If you care about preserving your relationship with these people, then there’s no need to tell her it’s ugly or bad if you can help it—stating you aren’t interested, and that you don’t like her work, don’t feel comfortable with her setup, and that you’ve already made an appointment with someone else should (hopefully) be enough, rather outright than insulting her work or giving her the hard truth.
But it’s ultimately up to you whether or not you feel you need to break your honest opinion to her. Just know it might cost you some friendship with them.
I’d also give her the benefit of hoping she might become better in time… but that’s only if she gets a proper apprenticeship.
Tattooing & piercing aren’t really things someone should expect to be treated professionally about if they haven’t had professional training. Not everyone is down to pay a random person money to permanently modify their body.” wilderneyes
10. AITJ For How I React When My Significant Other Interrupts Me?
“My SO (31 F) and I (32 M) have gotten into the same argument 2 days in a row because she keeps interrupting me and doesn’t like my reaction, which to me seems completely appropriate.
Argument 1: We were in the break room at work taking our lunch break when we remembered that we wanted to order Crumbl Cookie to pick up on the way home. We work far away from home and wanted to pick it up from the location closest to our house.
When choosing a location, the app only showed a list of addresses instead of a map. There was only 1 location on the street name I was looking for, but the distance didn’t seem right, so I pulled up my maps app to find the address of the one I was looking for.
When comparing the addresses on the app vs maps, they had different address #s, and one said 22 miles away, while the other said 13 miles away. This was confusing to me, so I decided to ask what she thought about it. I started saying ‘This is what’s confusing to me, in the app it says the address is ‘1234’ and the distance is 13 miles, but in maps, it says-‘ and then she interrupted me in an annoyed tone saying ‘Do you just want me to maps it for you!?’ My face went deadpan and I calmly said ‘I’d like for you to listen to what I’m saying.’ This caused her to start freaking out and acting like I was causing a scene.
She was extremely upset about ‘the way I was talking to her in front of other people’ (there were 2 other people in the room, about 5 feet away, but I only spoke loud enough for my SO to hear me) I didn’t, and still don’t see a problem with my reaction.
Am I in the wrong? Is it not reasonable to appear annoyed when someone interrupts you?
Argument 2 occurred at home just now. We were sitting on the couch and she showed me a TikTok that reminded me of something that happened at work yesterday. I started talking, and again, she interrupted me to ask a question that I was a few words away from answering.
Again, my face went deadpan. Again, she got very upset about my reaction. She says that I don’t understand how mean I look when do that, but I feel like it is a reasonable, measured response. It feels like she is refusing to acknowledge that her behavior was rude, and it seems unreasonable to expect to like the way someone responds to you being rude to them.
What should I do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is being rude by not letting you finish what you were saying. What other reaction would she accept? Does she see her rudeness in this? You both are missing the point the other person is trying to make because you are defending your position.
There isn’t much you can do when someone interrupts you other than just shutting up or raising your voice which is considered just as rude.” ConfusedAt63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hate being interrupted. It is so incredibly rude. The person doing the interrupting certainly must be thinking ‘What I have to say is more important’.
At the very least, it indicates that the person you are talking to is not listening to you. This is the one thing that anyone who knows me knows how offensive I find it. Your reaction is perfectly reasonable. She clearly knows it upsets you.
She’s just mad about (checks notes) how your face looks when you get upset. That’s ridiculous. If she doesn’t want to see it, she should stop interrupting you.” WifeofBath1984
In your shoes, I would continue to go off on, her, but be a LOT louder with it. And when she stops having the inevitable $**t fit after you've reacted, tell her that if she keeps interrupting you, there will come a time when you'll not bother to react except by walking away. And that will have an end, too. Rude, rude RUDE! Stand your ground. Nothing worse than feeling like your partner isn't interested enough in what you have to say to let you say it. Good luck.
9. AITJ For Canceling The Babysitter?
“My (38 M) work held our annual holiday party last Friday. It was held at one of those axe-throwing places which I had never done before so I figured it would be pretty fun.
My wife (36 F) and I have 3 kids (10, 8, & 5) so we don’t get out of the house for nights out very often. The holiday party was planned almost 2 months ago and my wife agreed to attend with me. I suggested we make it more of a ‘night out’ by either going out for drinks after the party or catching a late-night movie.
She thought this was a good idea too. I also arranged for a babysitter to come watch the kids for that night.
The day of the party, my wife got home from work and told me that she had a horrible day and was in a bad space mentally so she didn’t want to come to the party.
I told her I was disappointed, but I understood if she wanted to stay home. As I was getting myself ready to head to the party, I called the babysitter and canceled. I apologized to her and offered to Venmo her an hour’s worth of our agreed rate ($30) to compensate for the cancellation and she agreed that was reasonable.
As I was getting ready to leave, my wife asked when the babysitter was going to come. I kind of looked at her funny and told her I had just canceled the babysitter because she was no longer coming with me. She got mad at me and told me that I knew she had a bad day, was in a bad mental state, and needed some time to herself.
I told her that I had assumed none of that meant she was incapable of watching our kids and that I didn’t think having the babysitter come when my wife was still homemade any sense at all.
She told me to call her back and see if she could still come to watch the kids and I told her that if she wanted to do that she could do it, but I’m not going to.
She tried to argue with me about it, but I told her that I had to leave for the party. While I was at the party, she sent me multiple texts about how the kids were driving her nuts, that the babysitter didn’t answer her calls, and that she needed me to come home.
She kept blowing up my phone and I eventually left the party over an hour early to go home. When I got there, she kept arguing with me about how I was a jerk for canceling the babysitter when I knew she had a rough day.
I told her I was not going to pay a babysitter just so that my wife could rest after a bad day. I told her she could have just thrown a movie on for the kids and relaxed. I told her she was the one who ruined our potential night out and that having a bad day at work is not a good enough reason to pay a babysitter $150-200.
She still thinks I was a jerk for canceling the babysitter without talking to her first and she’s still mad at me for it. But I don’t think that was an unreasonable assumption to make considering that there have been plenty of times when I’ve had a bad day and I am still 100% capable of watching the kids by myself while my wife leaves the house.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No sane person’s going to spend $200 for a babysitter when a parent is actually home. She didn’t have to take care of the kids. Based on their ages she could have made it a movie night or put their favorite shows on while she relaxed. My guess is she had other plans she didn’t want you to know about and got upset because you canceled the babysitter which is a super reasonable thing to do since she’s staying home.
The fact she got so heated about it is odd. Who makes plans for a night out at a work party and then decides last minute not to go because they had a bad day? That’s pretty rude.
The fact she just assumed you’d keep the babysitter despite your plans changing is weird and should be talked about.” Delicious-Baker-8335
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You both really need to work on your communication.
While it makes sense to cancel the babysitter, it could have been one of the things that was helping your wife hold onto her sanity in getting through the day.
And she should have let you know she still wanted the sitter. Maybe the night could have been salvaged with her taking the time of your party to relax and destress and you both still could have gone for that date afterwards. All it would have taken was you saying ‘If you’re not coming to the party, I’ll call and cancel the babysitter’.
It would have given her a chance to respond. But she should not have blown up your phone.
At 10, 8, & 5, the kids are old enough to grab snacks and watch a movie. The 5-year-old would need some help with things, but the siblings should be able to do most of that.
I think every parent has had a crappy day and still gone home and taken care of the kids. Most parents have had the flu and felt like death and still take care of their kids. But it does make parenting that much harder. And not all bad days and flu are the same.
I know I have had bad days where I know if I come home I’m going to yell at the kids because my temper is done. A call to hubby and I don’t come home until I’ve had a chance to calm down, it’s only happened once, but the ability to calm myself without the stress of worrying about my attitude was what I needed.” Sunnyok85
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, and I feel like I might get a bit of disagreement about this. I think communication is the key issue here, and you and your wife would benefit from working on your communication patterns.
I don’t think you are the jerk, because you didn’t cancel in retaliation or to be difficult, but because you assumed it was the right thing to do.
I don’t know about your financial status, to comment on if the $150-200 is a large sum for your family or not, but understanding thinking this was not a good way to spend money. I assume you usually don’t use a babysitter to recover after a bad day if your wife is unavailable to watch the kids.
I also don’t think your wife is a jerk. I can imagine having a bad day, and not feeling like being social. Then thinking of a night to yourself, not being responsible for your kids either, and how great that thought may have been. Then learning that this dream is not happening, and you need to switch straight into parenting mode when you just don’t have it in you.
I think communication and empathy (from both of you) are what needs to be worked on.
Remember that you are a team, not against each other. You shouldn’t have minimized her bad day, and she shouldn’t have blown up your phone, knowing you’ve been looking forward to this night for two months.” NoteRCT
8. AITJ For Not Telling My Significant Other My Mom Is Dead?
“Mom (50 at the time) died a year ago of numerous health issues, we have her cremated and up on our mantle above the fireplace.
So my (m 20) new significant other (m 23) of three months came over to my house for the first time to spend the night and to get to my bedroom you have to walk through the living room which has the mantle. As we passed by it I said ‘Say hi to my mom’ by force of habit since it’s a thing with my friends where when they’d come over they’d either find my mom to say hi or I’d go ‘Say hi to my mom’.
And that didn’t stop after she died, it just stuck and they’d go ‘Hey OP’s mom!’
So I say that to him and he stops walking and looks around, we’re completely home alone and the living room doesn’t have the lights on so he doesn’t see her urn immediately.
I laugh and point to the urn and just start walking again but he stops me and looks at me with a half-concerned half-annoyed expression? I asked what was wrong and he annoyedly asked ‘Why would you tell me to say hi to her, why wouldn’t you tell me she’s dead before this?’ and I was puzzled.
The topic of her death never came up in the last few months of our relationship, plus we’d only known each other for a few months before being together and never got super close. So I didn’t think of mentioning it and I didn’t think it was a big deal so I told him that.
He said I’m a jerk for springing my mom’s death on him then laughing about it… I only chuckled because I thought it was silly he actually looked around for her, I wasn’t laughing at her death?
I don’t know if I’m the jerk but maybe it wasn’t the best way to tell him about her death?
But if the lights were on he absolutely would’ve seen the urn as it’s decorated and had fairy lights that we turn on at night. So I think since he was supposed to spend the night he would’ve seen it when he got up for water or something.
He didn’t end up spending the night and left shortly after, this was yesterday and he texted me good morning today but hasn’t texted otherwise. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think your tradition is sweet, I can also see why your SO would be blindsided by the situation as it happened. I do feel it would’ve been good to mention the situation beforehand, but people deal with grief in different ways so it’s understandable why you didn’t bring it up.
I think it’s worth having an honest conversation about the situation and giving some acknowledgment of your SO’s feelings. And I hope he will also make an effort to do the same for you because that’s the mature thing to do, in my opinion.” Low-Broccoli7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it wasn’t like you demanded/forced him to say hi to her. You just said it out of habit as it’s kind of a little joke between you and your friends. He isn’t owed a sit down where you explain to him your mum’s dead.
You can tell him however and whenever you want. And it doesn’t even sound like you intended to tell him anything at that moment, which is 100% fine. He shouldn’t get annoyed with you for ******* weird behavior to think you’re entitled to someone telling you about their dead parent when you’ve only known them a few months and aren’t that close.
Also, I’m a bit confused on this part, but I’ll just say if he’s getting annoyed that you laughed about her death then he’s being ridiculous. It’s your grief to laugh about and joke about how you want.” Acceptable-Map-3490
7. AITJ For Shutting Down My Brother's Frustrations?
“So I (24 f) have an older brother (40 m) Mick.
Mick has been married twice. His first wife, Katie, is the mom to my nephew Conor (20 m) and my niece Aoife (18 f). She sadly died 12 years ago. I was actually really close to Katie. She treated me like her little sister and used to take me places with Con and Aoife.
So my niblings and I have always been close.
Mick really didn’t want the kids to grow up in a one-parent household so he remarried within the year to Jennifer. They met 4ish months after Katie died at my parents’ house (Jennifer was our neighbor) and were married 9 months after Katie died.
Mick focused a lot back then on the kids needing two parents. He told my niblings that Jennifer could save them from falling into a pit and that she was lovely, and worked with kids, so they should do their best to open up their hearts to her and let her in.
I’d say after six months of marriage Mick realized the kids were not as okay with that as he wanted them to be and he told them Jennifer was now their mom and they should show more love to her because she was their future.
When Conor exploded and told him Jennifer was not going to be his future, Mick decided the only way forward was to enforce family day once a week (Sunday).
Mick and Jennifer had three kids together over the next five years. Con and Aoife never bonded with them which drove Mick crazy so he would push more for the forced bonding.
He would also get very angry when Con and Aoife tell him they don’t care about Jennifer and when they say he betrayed their mom and them by moving so fast.
Last year Con stayed with them over Christmas when he was home from college.
Mick figured this was the sign that Con and Aoife had adjusted now that they were ‘basically adults’. But this year when Aoife was also at college they chose not to visit Mick, Jennifer, and the kids at all. And both told him they had no plans for a visit and no time for him to visit.
When he said they would still go and try to see them for a bit both told him they didn’t want to see him.
Mick decided to vent this all to me the day after Christmas when we were at our parents’ house. Every time I tried to talk about something else he would dump way more on me.
This was a big surprise to me because he always dismissed me as a kid and told me before I was not adult enough to talk to about ‘grownup stuff’. I outright asked him to stop and he told me this was all my fault so I should shut up and let him talk.
I asked what he meant and our mom asked the same. He said I should have encouraged my niblings to give Jennifer a chance and to stop seeing his remarriage as a betrayal. He said I had way more power and then he called me a stupid little child.
I asked him why he insisted on dumping on me and expected so much from me when I was just a child. I told him none of this was on me and it was entirely on him. He yelled at me which mom and dad kicked him out for.
But he’s saying I was a brat to him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m a year older than your brother, your brother is the jerk… What he should have done is actually parented his 2 young kids and guided them through the trauma of losing their mom at such young ages.
There’s way too much emphasis put on this aspect of ‘Kids are resilient, kids will get over it or bounce back’. It’s very far from the case… and they can carry trauma into adulthood. Your brother sees you as a kid because you’re only 4 years older than your nephew… so despite you and his kids’ adult ages, he is seeing kids.
I feel sorry though for their half-siblings because your brother and his wife will be getting the kid’s hopes up in regards to big brother and sister… only for their little hopes to get crushed..” Yama858077
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, absolutely. He is a huge jerk, I’d say the jerk of the year.
He didn’t give his kids time to grieve over the loss of their mom; he used the kids as an excuse to get remarried, never consulting their feelings. He tried to force them to love his new spouse and when that didn’t work, he tried to force it even more.
Same with the subsequent kids he had with her. And now that his kids are going low contact/no contact, instead of taking accountability, he tries to dump it on someone else – someone, moreover, whom he has always dismissed. Kudos to your parents for kicking him out.
You should go no contact with him as well.” Mapilean
But the new spouse *demanding* love and respect, especially when the other parent is either alive and well and loved, or deceased anddesperately missed by the children, is onto a loser.
6. AITJ For Being Mad At My Parents For Paying For My Brother's Wedding But Refusing To Pay For Mine?
“I (F 36) have been with my partner (40) for about a year and a half.
A few months ago my mother asked me on a phone call if ‘we were serious’ and planning to get engaged. I responded yes as this is something he and I have discussed and both want.
She immediately responded, ‘That’s great!’ Followed with ‘Don’t expect your father and me to pay for anything for the wedding!’ Because she said ‘We’re too old.’ (This will be important later).
This was completely unprompted as I had never asked. To this, I responded that he and I don’t really want a wedding and we’re not sure what we’ll do after engagement and when it comes time to plan.
Her response was that ‘I better not elope again’ and ‘she expects’ ‘a nice wedding of some kind regardless of the size.’
For context: I eloped with my first husband and she was embarrassed and devastated (her words). We ended the phone call with me saying she can’t have expectations if she’s not willing to contribute, that I wasn’t even engaged yet, and we’ll talk about it later.
My partner and I don’t make a ton of money and probably cannot afford even a small ceremony and wedding dinner for even ten people if we’re being honest. We’re fine. But we don’t have $4K lying around and let’s be honest even with a tiny wedding you’re looking at that amount.
Anyways, fast forward a few months, and my TWIN (so same age) brother gets engaged. We’re all very excited for him.
Last night my mother and I were discussing his plans (as I was trying to get the scoop and my brothers kinda tight-lipped about things).
She lets it slip on our phone call that they’re planning a large wedding and my parents are footing half the bill, splitting it with the bride’s parents. I reminded her of our conversation and she immediately called me a jealous brat and ended the phone call.
Am I the jerk for being upset?
For clarity: my issue is that she (my mother) is insisting on a nice wedding of some kind. Insisting with no financial backing. The salt in the wound was to find out she’s paying for half my brothers and won’t admit this is not about ‘age’ as she’d previously said with no explanation just further demands that if I do get married there will be a wedding paid out of my pocket.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset at all these mixed messages. Apparently, she really likes a big traditional wedding because she’s contributing to one and trying to convince you to style yours the same way. Perhaps she feels the twin’s wedding was a sure thing but you have shown you will please yourself.
I know people who want to marry but don’t want the expense of a wedding.
At this point and at your age I suggest if you do get engaged have a small wedding and a small dinner to celebrate. A civil ceremony works well for a small group, say 10 people, then go to a nice restaurant and feast. Your mother is not going to contribute so please yourself, truly, and enjoy whatever celebration you decide.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sounds like your mom was embarrassed/upset she didn’t get the elaborate wedding she wanted with you, so now she is making sure it happens with your brother. I’m willing to bet with both sets of parents footing the bill there will be lots of headaches for the bride and groom trying to accommodate what the parents want for the wedding.
I can clearly see your mom telling them, ‘Do it this way or I’ll take the money away.’
Don’t envy your brother, feel sorry for him for what he and his fiancé are going to have to put up with. (Unless of course they are pushovers too and are happy to let others do things for them) if you do decide to get married, do it your way, and if your mom says she’s embarrassed by what you are planning let her know she doesn’t have to attend.” M312345
5. AITJ For Blaming My Brother-In-Law For Turning My Daughter Into A Picky Eater?
“So my daughter is 9 and has been generally good with food. She usually eats everything.
A few weeks ago my wife was traveling for work and I had a family emergency back in my home country so suddenly we needed someone to look after our daughter Chloe for about a week, and my wife’s brother Owen (30 M) volunteered and saved the day.
Owen is a foodie and to be fair makes delicious food but he’s also quite picky and maybe a bit judgemental of food that isn’t done properly or isn’t fancy enough. This isn’t usually an issue though.
Looks like during this time Chloe and Owen had the time of their lives because my daughter was quite happy in the end, and well, we learned about the surprises later on.
Apparently, Owen fed her some really fancy food and kind of changed her perspective about a lot of the food we typically eat.
I learned this the hard way, when Chloe asked for a grilled cheese and then didn’t eat what I made her (typical American style which she always liked), wanted it the way her uncle Owen made it.
I called Owen for the recipe but goodness me, I had to buy like 10 new ingredients, several types of cheese, a kind of bread that I don’t have or can’t make, make fresh Bechamel sauce or whatever it’s called, etc… like I don’t have time to do any of these and they are expensive.
I did give this a try and my daughter did say it was nice but not as good as his uncle Owen’s.
This keeps on happening now. Pretty much everything my wife or I make, or when we order pizza, she says this is not good and wants it the way Owen does it.
We then call Owen for the recipe and everything is complex, expensive, needs equipment we don’t have, and is time-consuming.
Owen hosted Christmas dinner and Chloe asked to go there early to help her uncle and well, the day after that said that is how we should make food!
In my kind of frustration, I called Owen and told him he kind of made our lives a lot more difficult. We never had trouble with food before and now it’s the number one issue. He suggested that maybe we can expand our horizons and it’s good for Chloe too to experience a wider range of food choices instead of complaining to her person who gives good food to Chloe.
My wife agrees that it’s a lot more difficult now but says it was kind of a jerk thing to complain to Owen when he was doing us a favor and he hasn’t done anything except give Chloe good and healthy food. From my perspective, it was just not necessary for a 9-year-old to turn into Gordon Ramsay and make our lives a lot more complicated.”
Another User Comments:
“Your wife is right. It was and is ‘kind of a jerk thing to complain to Owen when he was doing us a favor and he hasn’t done anything except give Chloe good and healthy food.’ You are resentful that she likes Uncle Owen’s cooking better than yours and you are also more than a bit jealous of how much Chloe likes Uncle Owen, period.
Those emotions are yours to acknowledge and deal with – they’re not Owen’s responsibility. Yes, you have a very real challenge in helping Chloe accept that your home will not produce expensive gourmet dishes three times a day (or even once a year), but that does not make it acceptable to scold Owen for what he did for Chloe.
You are a jealous, resentful, ungrateful jerk.” DancesWithFlax
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your daughter isn’t a picky eater. She simply has an expanded palate. The real reason you are mad is that you don’t want to put in the effort of changing your routine and you don’t know how to express that to your daughter without coming off as lazy or mean.
It’s easier to blame your brother, who did you a huge favor and did so exceptionally well than to admit you can’t or won’t put in the work. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with what you’re serving your daughter now, but it’s never a bad thing to have a more diverse diet.” EmpressJainaSolo
4. AITJ For Asking My Fiancé's Mom Not To Push My Son Into Doing Things He Doesn't Want To Do?
“My (28 F) oldest son is 3 years old. My fiancé’s (32 M) mom came over a few weeks ago & when leaving, asked my 3-year-old for a hug. He initially said ‘No’ & walked away. Came back unprompted & hugged her. She said ‘Oh good because I was going to be sad’.
With my fiancé’s, aunt’s & best friend’s edits, I sent her this:
(Summed up) ‘We’re teaching your 3-year-old that he’s in control of his own body & self-defined boundaries regardless of how it makes someone feel. If he’s trying to make someone upset on purpose, that’s a different story.
We don’t want him to go against his boundaries to make someone feel better. I’m sure you just want to show he’s important to you but we’d appreciate it if you could show it in a different way.’
FMIL: ‘OP, I’d appreciate you not sending me these kinds of messages and we have these conversations in person.
Thank you’.
OP: ‘I don’t really see a difference, to be honest. I would’ve said the same things in person. I didn’t see this topic as one that needs to be discussed too much. If you have a response I’m obviously open to hearing it, but it won’t change the fact that saying things that could make my kids feel guilty & responsible for other’s feelings will be accepted. Again, you can show that you care for the boys but not in ways that make them feel bad.’
FMIL: ‘Because having adult conversation via text I believe is pretty cowardess. When you address me or any other adult, via text, it’s not really appropriate, so I will end this conversation with if you can’t talk things over with me instead of telling me what NOT to do then that in itself is a problem.
So I’m done.’
OP: ‘Again, I would say the same words to you in person, nothing cowardly about the method I choose to say these words. The reason I didn’t see it made sense to do it in person is that I’m essentially asking you a favor & it’s your choice to acknowledge it or not.
I wasn’t looking for a debate about it, just asking that you please not make certain comments to my babies.’
I’m alright if she’d prefer me to discuss something like this in person, but why ignore my initial message? Seems like blameshifting/diverting to me.
She then went to my fiancé & texted him ‘So by now I’m sure OP told you she was messaging me, if you guys have something you need to say to me just say it’. They had a 30-minute phone call & my fiancé told me she said:
– She’s already distanced herself from coming over & she’ll distance herself more if she has to.
– It’s not something she was doing intentionally (I never said it was intentional, just bringing her attention to this and potential repercussions).
Chose to message her because I’m HORRIBLE at having deep/stressful convos in person (I have ADHD so can’t process what I want to say & what the other person is saying & formulate responses, etc).
Also, this is a boundary so I’m not really up for discussion or debate. Either she chooses to stop or doesn’t.
AITJ for asking this or how I brought it up?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I agree with MIL about having the conversation in person.
What’s funny is you texted her about respecting your boundaries but couldn’t do the same when she expressed that she would prefer to have these types of conversations in person. Also, you lied. You told her you would same the same thing in person but would you have really?
Later in your story, you claim you didn’t want to do it in person because you’re ‘horrible at having deep/stressful convos in person.’ It sounds like you are being a little cowardly. You don’t like conflict so you would rather text to address someone directly in person.” Such-Awareness-2960
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to give you a lopsided ‘everyone sucks here’ with the scales tipped in your favor. I agree with you at every turn but this was not the conversation to have via text. It comes across as passive-aggressive. I 1000% understand the whole in-person conversation thing but words are only like… 7% of our communication tools.
Most of the rest is tone and body language which does not come across in text. That said, MIL can get lost with this: ‘Because having an adult conversation via text I believe is pretty cowardness. When you address me or any other adult, via text, it’s not really appropriate, so I will end this conversation with if you can’t talk things over with me instead of telling me what NOT to do then that in itself is a problem.
So I’m done.’ Your message was pretty well thought out and explained everything. There’s no ‘room’ for discussion.” Particular_Title42
3. AITJ For Yelling At My Adoptive Mom For Kissing My Baby?
“My dad died when I was 9 and my mom when I was 15.
After my mom died my godmother adopted me. She calls herself and her husband my mom and dad. I call them mom and dad to strangers who don’t know the story, but to them and friends I call them by their name. They will be called Linda and Bob for this story.
We generally get along and don’t typically have issues.
Now for the story. My husband (26 M) and I (25 F) had our first child five months ago. We are pretty lax first-time parents in my opinion. We’ve let people hold her as long as they’ve washed their hands since she was born.
We have drawn a hard line that no one’s mouth gets near her like I don’t even want your breath hitting her. We’ve had issues with Linda (62 F) not respecting that. She is constantly trying to kiss her cheeks or putting my baby’s hands in her mouth.
I have told her time and time again that this is not acceptable and I don’t want my child getting sick. I’ve shown her videos of other babies with different illnesses. She always agrees and says she won’t do it anymore.
My daughter and I went to her house for lunch last Sunday and while she was holding my daughter I went to the restroom.
While in there I heard Bob (64 M) gasp and say Linda’s name. When I came out and asked what happened Linda gave Bob the look of ‘You better keep your mouth shut’. Bob immediately tells me that Linda kissed my daughter on the mouth.
I snatched my baby back and started loading her in the car seat to leave. Linda starts trying to get me to stay saying we haven’t even eaten etc. I refuse to stay and tell her she won’t be holding my daughter for a long time.
She then says ‘It’s just a kiss from Grammy, it’s not going to hurt anything’. I start yelling ‘IT’S NOT A GRAMMY KISS, IT’S A STRANGER KISS. YOU ARE NOT RELATED TO HER, YOU SHARE NOTHING BIOLOGICALLY WITH HER’ and stormed out of the house.
My husband says I’m not wrong but I could have been nicer about it. I called Bob and he said Linda deserved it and it was the only way she’d stop. All my friends though, say I was being too mean and should have left without pointing out she’s not really related.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except Bob. She’s completely ignoring your wishes. But the punishment does not fit the crime. Whether or not she’s your bio mom has nothing to do with her breaking your rules and kissing the baby on the mouth (which is a weird thing to do).
The way you get to a justified NTJ is if the harsh words you use directly relate to and counter whatever it is the jerk did. But when you’re just trying to cause (maximal) emotional damage as an umbrella punishment for something unrelated to the words you use to cause the damage, you’re being a jerk.” He_Who_Is_Person
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She is endangering your kid so removing your kid from her presence indefinitely is a fitting punishment. She owes you an apology for disrespecting your clear boundaries and endangering your child, and it’s up to you if/when you trust her again.
But your words were too far. Sure, it’s technically true. You know what else it is? Cruel and has nothing at all to do with the issue of potentially passing germs to your child. You can never take those words back. They will exist between you forever.
And you owe her an apology for saying them.” Cursd818
2. AITJ For Telling My Sister That I'm Pregnant?
“I (28 f) am pregnant with my husband’s (30 m) baby. I have a sister (30 f) who has been trying to get pregnant for the past 5 years. This has resulted in 3 miscarriages and a stillbirth.
When I found out I was pregnant I made sure not to tell my sister, since she was grieving her stillborn, who passed around a year ago.
I told my parents and my husband’s parents and they were overjoyed. Out of respect for my sister, I didn’t have a baby shower, gender reveal, or any big ceremony. Just a lunch where I announced the pregnancy to close friends and family and we all agreed to not tell my sister until we felt like she was ready to know.
Anyway, I am now 34 weeks pregnant and I haven’t seen my sister in over 6 months. She called me the other day, to tell me she was 3 months pregnant and things had been going well so far. I congratulated her and she invited me to her house for dinner.
I discussed this with my parents and husband, and we decided it was time to tell her.
I went to her house for dinner this weekend, and when she let me in she freaked out. She asked me if I was pregnant and I said I was.
She started sobbing. She was absolutely hysterical. Her husband took her in to calm her down and we decided to leave.
She texted me on Monday saying that it was selfish that I was going to have my baby first and my parents would be more focused on me than her.
She accused me of being cruel and getting pregnant just to upset her. She said she would ask our parents to choose between us. This was the last straw for me. This was my first pregnancy and I wanted to do things like a baby shower and all, but I didn’t because I knew it would hurt my sister.
I called her a selfish, mean jerk and blocked her. Her husband called me to tell me she was inconsolable because her own sister was trying to upstage her and her baby. Our mom isn’t taking sides, but my dad and husband are on my side.
A few of my cousins reached out to me, calling me names, and it made me wonder if I was in the wrong.
So AITJ for announcing my pregnancy?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Nobody is really a complete jerk here, but everyone did kind of suck.
You went above and beyond trying to spare your sister any pain or anguish. You denied yourself all the things women do to normally celebrate their pregnancies, and that’s laudable. However, if you hadn’t gone to dinner when exactly were you planning to tell her after the baby was born?
As for your sister, while the initial shock and reaction to seeing you was justified, her follow-up conversation was just ridiculous. Did she expect the world to stop turning until she finally brought a child to term? That you and your husband couldn’t proceed with your own lives just to placate her?
That’s a completely trashy expectation.
At this point, I just hope you both have healthy, happy children. Maybe once that’s happened you two can start working on healing this rift in your relationship.” AllandarosSunsong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your mother should have been the person to sit down with your sister early on and help her with this.
She, as her mother, is the one who should have taken on the emotional labor and protected you. You deserve to be happy. Happiness isn’t pie. You didn’t take it all and leave her with none. You aren’t doing anything to her. And, I’m happy to be the jerk and say, after 5 years, nobody can be expected to put their life on hold so she can hope to be first.
I’ve dealt with infertility and loss, it’s the worst thing I’ve had to endure, but it’s not the rest of the world’s job to stop revolving because I’m suffering. That’s not how life works. Congratulations. This is a joyous thing and I hope you allow yourself all of it.” CasualCrisis83
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, leaning towards YTJ. You were definitely in the wrong keeping your pregnancy from your sister for 34 weeks! How did you expect her to react, showing up basically ready to give birth? I’d have shouted at you, too, and that’s without the added trauma.
Your sister, of course, is also in the wrong for thinking and saying what she did and does. It’s obvious that you aren’t trying to upstage her, not least of all because you got pregnant way before her. But, once again, what did you expect to happen?
There were certainly ten different ways you could have handled this situation, and all of them would have been better than what you actually did.” backyardchick
1. AITJ For Calling My Cousin A Hypocrite?
“Before my cousin married her husband she was one of those ‘eat the rich’ anti-capitalist people who blamed rich people for the world’s problems, especially climate change.
I love her but she was annoying about the whole thing a lot of the time and it was almost her entire personality at one point. She hated rich people to the point that when she met her husband she claimed he only wanted to be with her because he wasn’t used to not getting his way because he grew up rich and she’d get angry whenever he did anything nice for her.
Even when she married him she claimed it was okay because she could give all of his money away if she did.
They moved to Australia a few months ago and they were supposed to stay there for 3 years minimum but my cousin found out she was pregnant 2 weeks ago and according to her husband had a complete meltdown.
She’s never lived away from her parents before and she said she was already overwhelmed because her life has been changing so fast so finding out she was pregnant was the final straw. Her husband is really sweet so he dropped everything and they left Australia the very next day.
He has to go back after the holidays to sort some things out and it seems like they’re going to have to be long-distance for a while since my cousin doesn’t want to be so far from family. She told me he was planning to fly back and forth while he sorted some things out.
I pointed out how that would be really bad for the environment since she still acts like she’s super passionate about climate change. She claims they don’t have another choice which I pointed out is very clearly a lie. I also told her she had become a hypocrite by marrying her husband since he was everything she stood against personified. I think her pregnancy hormones got to her because she started crying when she normally wouldn’t cry over something like this.
I feel bad for making her cry since that wasn’t my intention.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Sorry to say, but YTJ. People are allowed to change. A younger person’s rigid ideas will almost always need adjustment as they gain more life experience – especially something as broad and vague as ‘all rich people are bad.’ While her previous strident attitudes might have been annoying, and it may be tempting to rub her face in it… people shouldn’t be punished for growing up.
In addition, this sounds like a tough time. She’s pregnant and has had to choose between being separated from home and family or her husband. The long-distance travel and pregnancy are no doubt putting stress on the relationship. And no doubt the air travel back and forth bothers her – for a lot of reasons.
A little more compassion and less smugness is in order.” icarusancalion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if she was a judgey know-it-all and now all of a sudden there’s a grey area where she is concerned I would be like ‘what?!’ She was black and white before but now that she would have to make sacrifices it’s different.
I would also want to point it out. Would I point it out to a pregnant lady, maybe not, I would just distance myself from someone like that but I can’t fault you for saying something. Her morals changed really quickly when it came to herself.
If you have to keep a relationship. I would only clap back and bring up the hypocrisy if she ever starts going on about climate change and the rich ruining the world. She’s part of the problem, you get the money and you stop doing the right thing because money is comfortability.” l3ex_G
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you pointed out the carbon footprint of her husband’s flights while she was ranting about rich people ruining the environment, that would be one thing. But you did it in response to her venting about being overwhelmed by an unplanned pregnancy and being separated from her husband.
You jumped at an opportunity to knock down a struggling family member simply because they have been annoying in the past, thinking you are justified in this grand ‘gotchya’ moment. That’s not calling out a hypocrite, that’s just being cruel.” Nelsie020
