People Disclose The Reasons Behind Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Not Wanting To Plan A Wedding?
“I (25f) do not want a wedding. I want to go to the courthouse with our immediate family and grandparents and go out to eat after. That’s it.
My father has 11 siblings and my mom has 3, so if I invited everybody I was told I should invite, it would be 200 people just on my side.
We made a guest list limiting invites to 50 each. My side will be 3 upset people for every 1 invite. Fiancé’s family is much smaller so 50 will include his dad’s college buddies and their families who I’ve never heard the names of let alone met.
To cut 200 down to 50, I had to exclude people’s children, people’s spouses, and include only some of my father’s siblings but not others, and I know it would be a lot to pay, especially when my family (limited to adults) sees my fiancé’s family with their spouses and young children and hears me meeting people for the first time at the wedding.
We are also financially struggling. My fiancé is planning to start working full-time in the fall. I make 19k a year and have bills to pay that make it difficult to save for a wedding.
I also feel like it’s not fair for me to scrounge and save for a $5-10k party I don’t want.
I am not even the kind of person to spend $10 on something I don’t want.
The way I feel right now is that he can save the money for the wedding that he wants once he makes his 30-70k. He and his parents (and I guess my parents too) can plan the whole thing and I’ll just show up.
When I talk about eloping, my fiance always brings up the gifts. I don’t think it’s worth it to throw a lavish wedding in hopes of getting gifts and money. If you didn’t spend $5-10k on a wedding, guess what, you’d have $5-10k.
AITJ if I let everybody who wants the wedding plan it and just show up?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You and your fiance are clearly not in this together; you need to talk. Going into debt for a big party that you don’t even want is ridiculous.
Inviting acquaintances of his and people you don’t even know and he barely knows instead of the actual family on your side is also ridiculous just because he wants the same number of invites as you. It’s no way to start a life together.” ewearehere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Do think about how this difference in attitude towards spending might impact your marriage, though. This is a great chance to get on the same page about values around money before it comes time to buy a house, take vacations, or save up for children.
Have you had an honest discussion about what you both want your spending to look like in the future?” Much-Pumpkin-3706
24. AITJ For Telling My Mom I Would Never Want To Have A Husband Like My Father?
“My mom and I were having a conversation about marriages and my mom was like every daughter would want a husband with the qualities of their father. To that, I responded, ‘No offense mom, I would never want a husband like my dad’, to which she got really angry, reprimanded me for being very disrespectful and arrogant, and simply would not talk to me.
Here is the reason why I said that… My father is extremely controlling. I have almost 0 freedom and I’m 20 years old. A few things that I can think of off the top of my head are, that I’m absolutely not allowed to buy makeup, not allowed to have my own Amazon account to order stuff, not allowed to watch movies or get close to boys or wear what I like (believe it or not, every single piece of my clothing was bought by my father).
We were allowed to order pizzas/go to movies/go to malls only when my dad wished to go.
I get heavily reprimanded and punished when I get low grades. This is what I mean when I say low grades – (literally not exaggerating, I scored 4th highest out of 300 students in high school (84/90 marks in science).
I was extremely elated and shared the news with my parents, mom was very happy but when I told my dad he had the audacity to say angrily, ‘Why did you lose those 6 marks’). That day I realized I could never reach my dad’s standards or expectations.
In fact, both my parents redirect their anger heavily on me. If they are irate about something completely unrelated to me, they show it to me somehow. By yelling, scolding, degrading me. I suffer from very bad anxiety to the point where I was put on heavy medication as I was vomiting and my intestines were bleeding internally.
When my dad found out about all this he said, ‘There is nothing like anxiety, it is just in your head’.
I believe everyone has insecurities, I have mine too. I have a normal BMI. If I gain 20 more pounds, I will enter the overweight category.
Yet, my dad constantly points out that I need to lose weight, my legs are fat and hence never allows me to wear shorts, not even at home. I agree I might not have very perfect thin legs and yes I try working on them, but getting constantly highlighted by my own parent gets very hurtful.
When I point this out, he says it’s for my own health, to which I don’t know what to reply.
When I try to share what I’m going through or how sometimes I have been wronged by others, he either dismisses it by saying I’m too sensitive or simply saying it’s all my fault without even listening to me fully.
Not even once did my father show love or support when I needed it the most. I usually turn to my friends for support.
There are more deep things but I think at this point I’m wasting your time and I am very sad.
I had talked about a few of these to Mom and all she had to reply with was, ‘There is nothing wrong with your father controlling you. Obedient children obey their parents.’ She even goes around proudly saying to our relatives that I won’t do anything wrong as my dad perfectly controls me.
This is extremely painful to say but my mother has normalized each and every thing my father does. Irrespective of how wrong it is. The sickest part is I too normalized all this until I got to high school when I shared a few of my incidents with my best friend and she said this is not normal!
AITJ as I feel bad that I hurt my mom’s emotions?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are abusive. None of what you describe is normal. Do whatever it takes to escape that environment. Do not keep living with your parents. Do not confide in your mother anymore; she may be a victim of your father’s ways too, but she’s complicit in his treatment of you and will not be an ally to your escape and healing.
She is stuck in that environment and she will actively try to drag you down and not let you out, because once you’re gone, the only one left for your father to control will be her.
The more time you spend away from your family, the more you will realize they have robbed you of it.
It will be a long journey but do not give up. You deserve to be your own person and find your own happiness.” graywisteria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are being extremely abusive and especially at 20 you deserve some control over your own life.
Also, him having a go at you for 6 marks is ridiculous and he’s trash. Plus, of course anxiety is in your head, it’s a mental illness. What a jerk he is.
And with what your mum said, cool, but obedience is not the beginning and end of being a good kid.
‘Won’t do anything wrong because their father controls them’ is a red flag when said about a child, you’re an adult at this point so it’s even worse.
Get a secret account on your computer, send packages to friends’ houses, do anything you can to get some power of your own then please, when you feel able to, get out.
They are not good people and they’re not good for your health.” Queer_Echo
23. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Child Support Until I Get Rights To See My Son?
“I (29m) used to be with my ex ‘Jane’ (30f) until I caught her with my ex-friend/roommate ‘Ted’ (32m).
We broke up and I moved back to my home state and never spoke to either of them again. Most of our mutual friends ended up overlooking the matter since Jane and Ted were ‘in love’ and planned on getting married so I cut them all off and just moved on with my life.
Fast forward to now and I’m in a much better place with a high-paying salary and just proposed to my partner, ‘Ashley’ (26f). Life was going great for me. I’m not a big social media user but I did make a post about my engagement and one of the few friends I kept from my past saw and I guess passed the information along to Jane and Ted. Jane attempted to reach out to me but I blocked her without reading the message because I wanted nothing to do with her.
I also told Ashley and she preemptively blocked her too.
Well, Jane kept reaching out with fake profiles but I ended up deleting my account but not before I told her that I wanted nothing to do with her and to leave me alone. In my mind, there was no reason for us to communicate for any reason and I just wanted to live my life.
Then Jane reached out to my sister ‘Mandy’ (32f) and told her that I had a son. I thought Jane was full of it because it had been six months between me catching her having an affair and me moving away before changing my number, and years between then and now.
Plenty of time for Jane to realize that she was pregnant and contact me about it, or even come after me for child support.
I thought she was making up some wild story to get me to talk to her so I got a lawyer to send her an official letter to leave me alone.
Then the lawyer came back to me with pictures of a five-year-old boy who bore a resemblance to me. Turns out Jane was pregnant but she and Ted thought the baby was his because they didn’t always use protection while I did and opted not to say anything.
They got married and Ted is the legal father but when they tried to have more kids it turned out that Ted is sterile. Jane and Ted decided to just raise the kid as their own without ever saying a thing because Ted felt like he was less of a man for not being able to reproduce.
It wasn’t until Jane came across my account and saw how nice my life was that she felt like her son deserved the financial benefits as well. Did a DNA test and I am the father, I agreed that child support was required and told Jane and Ted that I would have my lawyers send over details about payment and visitation.
Ted was upset and refused to sign away his rights and didn’t want me around ‘his son.’ I promptly told him that if I’m gonna pay child support then I’m entitled to all the legal rights that a father is entitled to and that they wouldn’t get a dime from me until then.
If they refuse then I’ll just start a savings account for the kid until he’s an adult. Jane and Ted are calling me selfish but since it’s coming from them I’m taking it with a grain of salt so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And also I think the law is on your side — If Ted has full parental rights and you have NONE, you do not owe child support.
What essentially happened is an adoption. I’m certain there is a way to have joint custody at least on paper. But Ted shouldn’t have to sign away all of his parental rights because that isn’t fair to him (he is the child’s father in ALL ways but biological) nor is it safe for the well-being of the child should something happen to the mother.
But I don’t know what the legalities are of that.
But him not wanting you to have anything to do with the son seems like a deal breaker in terms of them accepting money from you. Did they just think you were going to secretly give them money while your son had no idea who you were?
I think your plan to have savings for him when he’s an adult is a really great idea. But maybe your lawyers can help come up with a mutual agreement that isn’t so all-or-nothing?” brieasaurusrex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They can’t have the cake and eat it too as they say.
You are willing to pay child support and you have a right to get to know your child. I may be wrong but Ted would be considered the father since they were married when the child was born and my guess is his name is on the birth certificate.
I mean if you weren’t in the picture and Jane and Ted got divorced wouldn’t he be responsible for child support? Listen to your lawyers and do what they say. It’s good that you will put the money in an account for your son if not paying the child support.” WhichChest4981
22. AITJ For Not Checking The Condition Of My Cousin's Package After I Received It?
“My cousin works in a different city and comes back for a weekend every two weeks. This one time, he ordered a suitcase on Amazon. The delivery time was much lower to my house, so he gave the shipping address as my house.
He messaged me saying that the package was his suitcase and that I could just receive it and keep it for him. I agreed.
A couple of days later the suitcase arrived. I opened up the box and took the suitcase out just to see how it was (looked nice).
When my cousin came over the following weekend, he saw that I had opened the package and blew up saying it was indecent to open others’ parcels and I was needlessly looking into his stuff and all that. It was just a suitcase. I just wanted to see how it looked, the design.
Whatever. Lesson learned. I apologized, and we got past it.
About 5-6 months later, he ordered something else and gave my address again. He told me that it was a valuable parcel, worth around $1000 and to receive it and keep it safe. I remembered what happened last time.
So, I got the delivery from Amazon, took the parcel box and simply stowed it away in the cupboard and forgot about it. He was supposed to collect it the next weekend. But some work came up for him. He could not make the trip for a while.
Finally, after almost two months, he came home to collect it. He said it was a new laptop he bought. He took it to his home and opened it. Turns out there was a problem. There was a huge crack across the screen and a big dent (like if it was hit with a blunt object) on the laptop lid that completely messed up the display.
Here is the issue. After 2 months, Amazon’s return/replacement period has expired. So he is mad now. He called me asking why I couldn’t have just checked the laptop inside if it was alright. As far as I know, the outer packaging was intact and I didn’t care about what was inside after the last time.
I just told him tough luck, his fault for not collecting it in time from me. This has become a little escalated and lots of back-and-forth arguing.
When I told this to my brother, he said, considering the large value like $1000, I should have made sure the laptop was fine.
But I don’t feel like that’s my responsibility, especially after how he blew up over a simple suitcase.
So, AITJ for not checking the condition of the laptop inside at the time I took delivery?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The condition of his package is not of your concern regardless of the value.
You received the package damaged, it is their issue for not collecting it sooner and opening the package.
In this case, you did not receive instructions or permission ahead of time to open it, therefore it is their fault for not having it checked sooner.
Your cousin seems to think you are a post office sending stuff to your house.” Lex1982
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You were simply respecting his wishes to not open his packages; after all, doing that is indecent, according to him. If he wanted his packages inspected, he needed to tell you that.
You can’t read his mind; you don’t know which package he’d want opened and which he doesn’t.
It’s on him for not collecting his package for two months. You are absolutely not responsible for the condition of his laptop. The package was intact, with no obvious damage, and as far as I’m concerned, you did your job.
Also, stop taking his packages. If he can’t be bothered to pick up a package in two months, then the shorter shipping time to your house is irrelevant.” MPKH
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get Back With My Ex?
“I was with my ex for 3 years before he abruptly dumped me with no explanation. I found out I was pregnant shortly after and I chose not to tell him because I knew he and his family would make me get rid of it. I was raising my son alone until 8 months ago when his lawyer contacted me to inform me my ex wanted a paternity test.
Now my ex is in our son’s life which would be okay if he didn’t keep trying to get me to give him a second chance. For the last 5 months, he’s been sending me and our son gifts weekly and saying all of the right things.
He’s won over all of my family and friends who think he’s wonderful but I don’t trust him. The biggest reason I don’t trust him is that he claims he knew I was pregnant and had given birth to a boy but he won’t tell me how he knew or why he never contacted me until 8 months ago.
Nobody seems to understand why I’m not falling all over him already and they keep trying to convince me to give him a chance. My cousin, sister, and some of our friends were all talking about it recently. I was getting more annoyed the longer the conversation went on since they all knew I didn’t like talking about him.
When they started saying I was his ‘one that got away’ I just couldn’t hold it in anymore and I yelled at them.
I said things like if they thought he was so great they were welcome to him, that they were all too blind and stupid to see he was up to something, and that I wasn’t his ‘one that got away’ because he threw me away himself.
I ended up leaving because they just kept arguing with me and I was already regretting saying anything and I didn’t want to say anything worse. My sister told me the day after that I was acting like a jerk because I was upset I had to share my son with him and I needed to not take it out on other people.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Trust your gut instinct! Just keep doing you and raising your son. You don’t have to be together to be successful co-parents. Try talking to the baby daddy and tell him that you don’t want to get together but that you do want to have a healthy friendship and co-parenting relationship.
Have a genuine heart-to-heart with him and be honest about how you feel and that you don’t see him in a romantic way anymore.” Fly1ngFi5h
Another User Comments:
“Maybe you should check your phone for tracking devices & apps. And maybe start using the grey rock technique on your family.
And leaving every time without comment when they bring up your ex & keep doing this until they stop.
And it goes without saying I hope there’s a custody agreement and child support in place and only communicating with your ex via a parenting app like Talking Parent.
This way you can limit contact to when you drop off your son for custody time with Dad and any essential information relayed over the parenting app. And if your ex is going to abandon you again, the child support will make that happen the fastest. NTJ, trust your gut.” excel_pager_420
20. AITJ For Buying My Sister's Car?
“My (24f) sister (22) has been in a very bad relationship for the past year.
My whole family had been helping her move out of her ex’s (24m) house a month ago and move in with my cousin who lives in a city 4 hours away. While living with my cousin for two weeks my dad (46M) found a really good deal on a car that worked perfectly and would last a long time and planned to sell it to my sister to help her get back on her feet.
My cousin had found her a job and she would need transportation as their car was having issues.
However, the week before my dad was going to drive the car to her, she left my cousin’s house and got back together with the ex, moved back to our city, contacted our dad, and told him that she was in love with him and we have to respect her decision and leave her alone.
My whole family was disappointed but we stopped contacting her like she wanted. Since the car was conditional on her staying with my cousin and turning her life around, I figured the car was up for grabs and I told my dad I would buy it from him so he wasn’t out the money.
I purchased the car, fixed one of the tires on it, and registered it in my name.
The day after my sister blew up at my dad saying he had no right to sell it to me, called me a thief, and demanded I return ‘her car’.
She had not spoken to any of us for a week at this point. I refused because at that point it was my car and I had paid for it, she threatened to report me to the police and say I stole her car, I said go ahead.
She and my dad had an agreement about payment because she had fixed something on another car she was supposed to use but my dad owned it, so my dad returned the money that she had spent. In my eyes, she was reimbursed and she lost no money on this, in her eyes I stole something that belongs to her, so tell me AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your dad bought the car with the intention to sell it to your sister when she got back up on her feet. She went back to her ex and wanted your family to leave her alone.
Your dad was out of money for buying the car and probably had no use for it assuming he had his own vehicle so you decided to buy it so he wouldn’t be out of money.
You bought it fair and square from your dad. Your sister doesn’t have a single cent in this vehicle so she is not entitled to it and has no legal right to it.
Go on with your day and pay no mind to her empty threats.” theoperator14
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She asked to be left alone and is now upset that her wishes were respected. It’s not Dad’s responsibility or obligation to hold onto that vehicle forever, waiting for her to figure out her attitude. She can also contact the police all she wants; she was never the registered owner and has no legal ownership.
She was also repaid money she spent fixing a different car of your father’s, so she has no claims to any loss of money.” Jewelsies
19. WIBTJ If I Call The Cops On My Teenage Son?
“My son (13m) has repeatedly stolen from us over the past two years. Each time he has denied it, even when we have found proof it was him. Last year he took my husband’s (m 48) bank card, added it to his Google account on an old phone, and then spent $300 on a downloaded basketball game.
We found it by accident when we found him on the phone, did a search of his Google account, and found the card linked to it. He completely denied it was him and blamed his younger brother (m 10). His brother has his own phone and never uses his older brother’s.
There were consequences – we grounded him and took the old phone off him. The new phone is on Google Family Link so we have a lock to prevent him from buying anything.
Yesterday we discovered that someone had made two payments on our credit card – one for a laptop for $2000, which was declined, and the other for a bike for $3,000, which went through.
We spoke to our credit card company and they refused to refund the money as we had been to the store before. The $2,000 attempted spend was at a store we use, but where we have never used the card before, hence, it was declined.
We went to the bike store where someone had spent $3,000 and they agreed to refund the money, minus the admin fee they get charged for refunds.
They told us the order was placed online and printed the order for it. They said that it was a click-and-collect order. It had my husband’s name on it, but my son’s email address and telephone number. They said that they phoned the number after the order was made yesterday and spoke to the person who placed the order.
They said that the person was clearly a child and was unhappy when they said that the cardholder had to be present when the bike was collected.
We checked my son’s email and there was no evidence of an order being placed, but there was evidence on his call log of a 2-minute call with the bike shop the day before.
We also found an email from the computer shop in his email and when we clicked on the account information, it opened in his safari and had his username and password saved. When we went into the account, the $2,000 computer was in the basket.
Despite all the evidence against him, he has blamed his younger brother.
His younger brother was on my laptop, in the lounge with me when the two incidents happened, so we know it was not him. My husband had left his wallet out, and the card was still there, so we know the card has not been dropped/stolen.
My eldest swears blind it was not him.
This is a significant amount of money, that we cannot afford and we are very lucky to have got most of it. My question is, WIBTJ if I go to the police?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
If your kid is doing this, you have probably but not definitely (sometimes kids are just…
bad, no other word for it) failed him as a parent.
If you go to the police over this, you will absolutely have failed him as a parent. I have no idea what goes on in your house, but this has a lot of the hallmarks of a kid acting out because something is seriously wrong in his life and he doesn’t know how to express it.
In my life, I’m the older brother but the one who the younger brother blamed for everything. Turned out my brother was being bullied pretty badly and needed an IEP because an undiagnosed learning disability meant going to school every day was miserable, and he was jealous that I didn’t have those issues.
I can’t say that’s what’s happening, but it’s not a super unlikely scenario.” km89
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Consult a family therapist experienced with delinquency issues. Pronto!
For god’s sake, think a little. Talk to your son, and ask him some questions. Stop waiting for him to confess or admit, you’ve got the evidence and can discuss it without arguing about whether or not he actually did it.
What’s going on to make him want these things? What makes him think that stealing from his folks is an option? Do his friends steal from their folks? Is he trying to impress friends with his possessions?
Validate the joys of money. Encourage him to get a job, and pay him for labor around the house.
Spending money is fun, he’s old enough to earn it if he likes having things. If he doesn’t have his own account yet, get him one, with a debit card. This is not a reward, it’s simply a stepping stone of experience.
Lock up your credit.
Get new cards for yourself.” Johoski
18. AITJ For Refusing To Pay More Rent?
“I (23 f) have been living with a roommate who has 3 children. We had agreed to move into a home together where I would pay 600 and they would pay 900. I live in the basement where there is no air conditioning or heat, and it is very prone to bugs.
I have very limited access to the kitchen with only 1 cabinet space for cooking supplies and food, no freezer, and one shelf for the fridge. Along with this limited access, I also catch myself often cleaning up the kitchen when it is absolutely destroyed and I take the time out of my day to help do everyone else’s dishes, wipe down counters, clean up trash, and sweep, clean up the yard when their dogs destroy the trash, and take the time out of my day to take off a full family size trash.
The children do not clean up much when it comes to making messes.
I am not one of conflict, but I follow very strict guidelines when it comes to being a roommate. I have full belief, along with many people who may have as well, that it is each roommate’s responsibility to pay their part of the rent and any utility bill, clean up after themselves, and take care of any trash they throw away.
My roommate and I recently got into an argument that we should start splitting the rent 50/50. Them being a single parent and working at a low-paying job they struggle with bills and keep their part of the house tidy often. Due to them having 3 children + them, I refused. I believe since it is only me I should not be paying 50/50, especially with the limited access I get.
We got into it as well that I do not help out enough, and me picking up after the mess in the kitchen is not helping because it is my job to do that as a roommate.
My roommate has a problem as well that I make more than them.
I explained to them that I may make more, but along with my personal bills, house bills, groceries, gas, and other miscellaneous items needed during the month, I do not have the money to raise my rent. My job pays enough for me to keep afloat.
I had discussed with my roommate that the other children’s parents should contribute more to helping them when it comes to money, and start asking for help with their family. I told them it was best to find another job as well. I brought up the idea of even budgeting and not going out every weekend.
I just believe it is not my responsibility to take on the role of having to clean up after children’s and dogs’ messes, cover what rent they cannot afford, and magically get accused of not caring. It is me against 4 people in the home. I have even offered help for smaller stuff but I always get told no or they got it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re one person to their four. They take up more space, they use more utilities, and they probably have more rooms. Therefore they should be paying more for everything. If the original agreement was you would pay $300 less, then they can’t arbitrarily change that without you agreeing to the new terms. Your roommate agreed to the original terms, so she can’t up and change them because she suddenly realizes she can’t afford it.
That onus is on her. She should have crunched the numbers before agreeing to anything. That’s not on you that’s on her.
I’d start looking for a replacement for you as a roommate if you had signed the lease, and find somewhere else to live.
It doesn’t sound like a beneficial arrangement even if you’re paying $300 less.” ladygreyowl13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had an agreement about the split, you aren’t obligated to subsidize your roommate and their children. If they want to revisit the arrangement they need to bring something more to the table than ‘but it’s not fair.’ Given everything else you’ve been saying I’d probably be rethinking the whole living arrangement.” rmric0
17. AITJ For Telling My Friend She Doesn't Love Her Child More Just Because She's A Single Parent?
“My friend recently broke up with her partner, they are now raising a toddler together as co-parents which seems to be going well for all of them.
Before they broke up she used to post these obnoxious things about how straight couples don’t love their children as much as gay couples because gay couples have to fight harder to have kids.
For the most part, I figured it came from her own insecurity and I just ignored it.
However recently she’s started posting how single parents work harder for their children and love them more than couples because a single parent has to do it alone.
I ignored that too until she brought it up in a group conversation, I told her it was absolute nonsense and she told me I was wrong and that single parents have to love their child more because there is only one of them.
I told her again it was nonsense, my husband works 6 days a week and I am at work 4 days a week and when I get home I still have to do everything for my kids, it’s not like I get a break when my husband is working.
All parents have their own struggles and it doesn’t matter if they’re in a couple or single.
She said it wasn’t the same because single parents don’t have someone else there. I didn’t understand because I’m not a single parent.
I told her that she does, her toddler goes to her ex’s house 3 days a week. I don’t have somewhere I can send my kids for 3 days a week so I can catch up on laundry or housework. I love my kids just as much as anyone else does and it’s really hurtful for her to imply that couples don’t love their kids as much as single people.
She said that I didn’t understand and I was being petty about it. My other friend in the group chat called me and said that I was being a jerk because she was just expressing her feelings.
I told her I have no issue with her expressing her feelings but it doesn’t have to put down other people’s feelings in the process.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – misery loves company. Let’s be real, she’s probably still in her feelings about being single. Many people who get married and have babies never expect to be a single parent. She’s trying to put her efforts on a pedestal to prove to herself that she can do it.
To me, that’s just like all the single mothers who wish themselves a Happy Father’s Day.” AUDMCJSW
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. She’s clearly having a hard time adjusting and wants to put herself up by bringing others down. Having a partner in the house or in a separate one doesn’t equate to their effort.
A parent in the house who doesn’t do anything is just as bad as a parent in a separate house that does the same. Parenting is hard. Co-parenting is hard.
Everyone’s struggles are different. She should probably see a therapist to work out the stressor of the break-up before her comments affect her co-parenting relationship or her kids.” whisperingstars
16. AITJ For Asking My Daughter To Let Her Sister Bring A Plus-One To Her Wedding?
“I have 2 daughters. My eldest ‘Megan’ is 31 years old and my youngest ‘Jane’ is 29 years old. Jane is getting married in the spring. Jane and her husband-to-be have decided that if someone is married or has a long-term partner they may bring them to the wedding but that anyone who is single or doesn’t have a partner will not be granted an extra invite in order to bring a guest to the wedding.
Jane said this is to keep their costs down.
While I agree that this is a sensible decision I have asked Jane to make an exception for Megan. Megan was upset and disappointed to find out she would not be allowed a guest. Both of my sons, 27 years old and 26 years old are married or have a long-term partner, as are the brothers and sisters of Jane’s husband-to-be.
My wife and I have offered to bear the costs of Megan’s guest but Jane and her husband-to-be have always declined financial help from us or his parents for the wedding. Megan feels she would look out of place as the only sibling who is without a guest. Most of my nieces and nephews that are adults are also married or with a long-term partner as well.
I agree with Megan and I don’t think it would be a hardship for Jane or my wife and I wouldn’t have requested it be allowed when Jane gets married this spring.
Jane’s wedding is in 3 months and they are preparing to send the invitations soon.
Jane and her husband-to-be said there would be no exceptions to the guest policy even after we explained our reasons and why Megan was upset. Megan has been searching for a suitable guest for the wedding and she will be disappointed if she can’t have one.
My wife and I don’t think it’s a terrible suggestion to allow one exception to their policy.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Not your wedding. Not your guest list. Not your guest parameters.
Megan should be able to******* up for 1 day to not have some random person next to her.
She will know people at the event. A wedding doesn’t require attendees to move around as a pair. She can talk to other people and have fun. It happens at weddings all the time.
Stop trying to fix everything for Megan. She’s an adult. Let her be one.” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
‘Megan has been searching for a suitable guest for the wedding.’
So wait, you’re telling us that Megan isn’t even in any kind of relationship? She’s not even seeing someone right now? She wants to bring some random to her sister’s wedding?
You’re making a big deal about this when Megan doesn’t even have someone in mind to bring three months out? I’d be on your side if Megan were seeing someone seriously but just hadn’t made it official by either getting engaged or married yet.” anthony___fell
15. AITJ For Not Participating In A Work Tradition?
“I teach at a small low-income school. No PTA, no community donors, you get the idea. Any niceties we receive for teacher appreciation week, etc., are all provided by us for us. Here’s the thing, I don’t partake in many of the things offered (by choice, just not my thing, and potlucks kind of gross me out) and I have several coworkers who can’t participate in every ‘snack day’ due to allergens or religious dietary restrictions.
It also gets pricey taking turns providing food for these various events, and we all have different financial situations that may make this harder for some than others.
For example, several teachers I work with only teach to cover summer trips. Their husbands earn a lot.
I’m single and have no one with whom to split expenses. My paycheck is spoken for and I budget meticulously.
One of the few positives to come out of 2020 was that we’d discontinued this practice due to health concerns. Unfortunately, my administration wants to bring it back as ‘a fun way for us to celebrate each other.’ My heart sank.
I just don’t want to be stuck with 3 $80 snack offerings this year. So I said something. I raised my hand and tried as diplomatically as possible to present that it had become a bit of a hardship for some of us and offered a few solutions.
What if we did it less often and allowed 4 people to feed the crew instead of the burden falling to just 1? What if it was on a volunteer basis and only those who wanted to participate in providing would eat the snacks? What if we put out feelers into the community to see if we could get a local church, women’s club, or alumnus-made-good to sponsor one of these snack days?
Or what if we toned them down to just a few boxes of Little Debbie’s or something instead of a solid lunch? My suggestions were treated with scoffs and incredulity that this would cause difficulty for anyone and furthermore that ‘we’re a team’ ‘like family’ and we should want to do for each other.
Their reaction has me wanting to refuse to participate at all. I offered I thought several totally reasonable alternatives or compromises, and my feelings were completely disregarded. This is a JOB. I work to get paid, not to blow my money feeding coworkers. So, AITJ for not wanting to be part of this tradition?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if that’s how it is and you don’t want to participate, I would 100% do my best to move schools as soon as possible.
While again absolutely NTJ, it sounds like they have an established work culture, and right or wrong you have two choices: participate and be part of the group, or be an outsider, and the latter is ultimately going to make your life more difficult than the former.
It’s not worth the drawbacks when you can work toward having other employment.
A third decent option is to do the legwork yourself with church etc. and just make it happen when it’s your turn. Tell everyone you arranged a special treat. Once they realize how much better it is they will start to love the idea and you’d be a hero.
Lots of work with that option though.” Jokonaught
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And you’re going about it all wrong.
If there was ever a time to start testing out those old ‘let’s see if we can put it in jello’ 50s 60s 70s era cookbooks, it’s an unwanted work potluck.
Get creative! Bring in 8 different jello rings of crap you wouldn’t feed to stray animals. Mix and match opposing spices! Maybe a grape jello and beef ravioli with an abundance of star anise! Orange jello with spam and mint leaves! Just have fun with it.
Weaponize it to where they either A. Stop the potluck out of horror and PTSD. B. Stop asking YOU to contribute to it out of horror and PTSD.” Fit-Establishment219
14. AITJ For Having Coffee With My Former Professor?
“I’m a 42F who is just about to complete a master’s degree. I’ve been working a high-level government job for years and have recently commenced a role with a top-tier consulting firm.
The business school where I’m completing my master’s isn’t like a college or university setting – there are no students under 30, everyone is a working professional, and all our course facilitators (lecturers/professors) are industry experts.
I’ve connected with a few of my facilitators after I’ve finished their unit as they often have great advice to share and valuable contacts.
The facilitator from my first unit (over two years ago) is a man in his 70s who I view as a mentor.
He’s filled with industry knowledge, his wife is even more significant in the field, and he was generous with his time and advice. He also has a side business of career counseling. The facilitator’s guidance helped me land my new role so I reached out to him to say thank you and asked him if I could catch up with him for a cuppa to chat.
He replied that he was excited about my new job and suggested a daytime catch-up at a cafe in a nice area.
I put the appointment in the calendar I shared with my husband (m 44). Immediately he challenged me about the meeting, saying it was completely inappropriate for a student to have coffee with a teacher.
I explained that the facilitator wasn’t my teacher anymore, I was the one who asked him to meet, it was a public venue, and he was a good professional contact. I also offered for my husband to join us. My husband insisted that I was being ‘naive’ and that this is how women get into trouble in ‘these kinds’ of situations.
He then googled the facilitator’s name to look up if he had any criminal convictions, and found someone with his name on social media, saying it was suspicious how many younger female friends he had.
I’m confused. I’m not 14 and this facilitator isn’t my high school teacher – there’s no power imbalance because he no longer has any sway over my grades.
I’m not in danger of being forced to do anything untoward with him, and if the situation became inappropriate, I’d simply leave. My husband believes that I’m wrong and that all men are out to take advantage of women if they can, that there’s no reason my facilitator would bother to meet me if there wasn’t something ‘in it’ for him.
My husband thinks I’m a jerk for even trying to organize a meeting with the facilitator. I do understand that historically, there are a lot of women who have been manipulated or coerced into something against their will, but I don’t feel that’s what’s happening here.
I’ve spoken with friends, colleagues, and my mother, and no one else thought it was the wrong thing to do, but I need outside opinions.
So please tell me honestly: AITJ for organizing a coffee chat with a former facilitator?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’m concerned about your husband.
You seem not to put much emphasis on how he sees relationships as transactional – no one does something if there isn’t something in it for him. He also sees it as his responsibility to control your relationships. You might want to look at that seriously.” Guess_What_I_Think
Another User Comments:
“As a professor, absolutely NTJ. It is perfectly normal to grab coffee with a professor while still a student, let alone as an alum… the lounge in my department has a very expensive espresso machine for just that purpose, and the college actually has a fund for students to get lunch with a professor at the faculty club.
This is entirely normal. It’s a hot beverage in a public cafe, not a martini at a cocktail lounge. Idk if your husband is just insanely out of touch, weirdly jealous, or has watched one too many CW teen dramas but gosh.” curiousaccount73
13. AITJ For Refusing To Draw NFTs?
“I am a 24-year-old male digital artist, and I have drawn quite a lot of digital art since 2016. I also do commissions as well, so that’s how I was able to afford things all by myself.
My parents didn’t mind me drawing to earn myself money to afford stuff, as I wouldn’t be asking for an allowance. In fact, this is how I was able to buy a PC with the money. Well… that is until NFTs became really popular.
One day while having dinner, my sister mentioned something about some NFTs selling for a lot of Ethereum, and we are talking tens of thousands of dollars.
My mom convinced me to draw some NFTs to put on Opensea, and maybe I’ll get rich. I admit, I was a little excited about that at first, but I got bored after putting about 2 of my pieces on Opensea. (Yeah, I have no patience whatsoever, and I also have been watching some YouTube videos on NFTs)
One time, my family kept asking if I posted any more NFTs, but I just told them that I’d rather do commission art instead, and I didn’t want my art to become a copy-pasted piece and I wanted mine to be more unique, and I want to draw whatever I want without being restricted. Besides, I wasn’t strapped for cash at the time.
Just looking at my parents’ faces, it looks like they don’t get what I’m saying at all. From that day onwards, my family kept hounding me from time to time to draw more NFTs to put on Opensea.
At a certain point, my parents were pretty mad and annoyed as to why I didn’t want to draw more NFTs.
I straight up told them that I didn’t WANT to do it, and they could not do anything to change my mind, because I was the one drawing, not them. My dad then called me a jerk and I was just being lazy blah blah blah, and my mom just silently agreed. To this day, my mind hasn’t changed yet.
I was wondering if I am the jerk here, should I have sucked it up and drew some NFTs anyway? Anyways, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Besides all the negative things about NFTs (which I am not going to get into), this is your art we are talking about.
It’s your effort, your money, and your life. Your parents need to keep their noses out of it.
There is no reason for them to be mad about this because they have no dog in this fight. I can think of two reasons why this might bother them: they are just naturally controlling (and it is bothering them that you aren’t doing what they want), or they expect to get some kind of benefit from you doing NFTs.
Neither are particularly good motivations.
Ultimately, no, there is no reason you should have given in and created the NFTs. If you don’t want to do them, then you shouldn’t have to.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“The next time they bring it up, I would genuinely ask them to explain to you how they expect you to get rich quick drawing for NFTs.
I’d wager they don’t understand how NFTs work at all, let alone how to use them to earn income. Explain to them that selling an NFT of your art would be the same as selling a commission. Think of it kind of like an antique, it might be worth something because it’s really old, or it might be worth nothing for the very same reason.
An NFT is only as valuable as the demand for it. Perhaps someday when you are a famous artist it might make sense to make something unique into an NFT, but until then it’s just a drawing that nobody wants. An NFT has no value until someone gives it value.
NTJ.” UnqualifiedIT
12. AITJ For Making My Husband Do HIs Father's Part Of The House Chores?
“My MIL passed away three months ago. Within a week we knew that FIL was incapable of living alone. MIL was an old-school woman who took care of everything he needed. In the end, my husband and I had the extra room (SIL didn’t), so we asked him to stay with us.
At first, I did not say anything because he was upset and grieving. Then I told my husband that his father needed to start splitting chores with us (my husband and I both work and split everything 50/50). My husband gave the usual excuses (he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t know, he would do it wrong and we would have to do it again etc).
I reminded him that we split chores three ways when my mom stayed with us for a couple of months.
I split the chores 3 ways in t-chart and did not do what FIL was supposed to do. So, my husband ended up doing it. He is mad that I am making him do twice the work and that is not fair.
I told him he could always ask his dad but he got angrier. This led to a bigger fight and I told him that unless FIL learns to be a functioning adult, he is never gonna be on his own and gonna stay with us forever and he better get used to this.
A few days later, he spoke with his dad. FIL pitched a fit (you are supposed to do this, you are not a real man blah blah). My husband got mad and both of us stopped doing anything around the house. Yesterday he had to do the dishes and laundry himself.
He said that we were trying to humiliate him and left to stay with my SIL.
She ended up calling us all sorts of things and how dare we treat her father like that. She accused me of doing it on purpose cuz I don’t like my FIL much.
I told her that he could stay with her and hung up. She has 3 kids under 5 and lives in a 2 bedroom and having my FIL there would be a lot of work for her. Everyone in this family (including my husband who told everyone ‘She is forcing my hand’) is against me and asking to be more considerate of FIL and SIL.
AITJ or not?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. FIL is not incapable of doing chores, he is just lazy, and by the looks of it, he’s bringing his family up the same way. Your partner should tell his father in the first place that if he lives with you both, he has to pull his weight.
And SIL is just as pathetic for saying anything. Bet she wouldn’t want to be running around after him. His family is acting like this because you’re willing to call out lazy behavior which they have all allowed, and I bet the men all act the same.
In the real world, most people have to do their own housework and chores, including when staying at others.” MistakeOk2101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is his father who moved in under the expectation that the two of you put a roof over his head, and he doesn’t take advantage of that kindness.
Anyone who isn’t a toddler who lives there should have some amount of responsibility.
You tried talking this out with him, tried making it easy with a list, tried being understanding. You’ve done everything you could, minus being walked all over by this man.
Your father-in-law was given a very clear choice. He either lives with you in a larger home and helps out around the house, or he lives in a tiny apartment with his daughter. He chose.
Your SIL can complain and moan all she wants, but now she’s about to get hit with a reality check when her dad completely mooches off of her like she did the two of you.
Your husband, instead of having your back, has been trying to make marital decisions without you, complained when you expected him to handle his family member, and is now talking crap about you, and allowing everyone in his family to put you down.
This is not a marriage.
He doesn’t support you and doesn’t stand up for you. His family treating you with respect is not a priority. Him treating you with respect is not a priority. I’d think things over if I were you, then have a long talk with him.
Now your husband has a choice. He can either live up to his wedding vows and treat this as a partnership, and treat you like a priority by standing up for you and having your back, or he can move in with his sister and sleep on the floor.” Oliviarose85
11. AITJ For Going Off At My Friend's Significant Other At My Friend's Funeral?
“My (28F) friend Jessica (29F) passed away a few months ago from the big C.
For background: We had a group of friends who routinely hung out on weekends etc, the group has grown and changed in the years like most do. A new friend joined the group +- 2 years ago after starting to go out with Daniel (30M), I’ll call her Sue (25F).
I never had a problem with Sue but I do have a problem with multilevel marketing schemes and she joined one and has been trying to sell the crap to us for months. Most of us just plain ignored her messages or conversations when she would start talking about essential oils.
I am obviously gutted and extremely hurt/emotional because of Jess passing since we’ve been friends since we were 16, attended school together, etc. Well all of us are, I’m not using past tense because it still feels raw.
So here is where I might’ve been the jerk.
On the day of the funeral, Sue talked about how she misses Jess and that none of us were as supportive of her and her business as Jess was. Ok sure that’s fine and all if she feels that way but Jess also did not support multilevel marketing schemes.
After the funeral, we had a get-together with food and drinks for family and friends. We sat at this long table and Sue started talking to Jess’s cousin and said that if Jess just had the chance to use some of the essential oils that she sold she could still be alive.
I just lost my cool and cussed her out in front of everybody. I told her that her essential oils are absolute crap, that Jess never cared for them, and that she should stop trying to rub her product in everybody’s faces. We won’t ever support it and a funeral is not the time nor place for her to pull out a sales pitch.
Sue started crying and called me names and then Daniel got up and left with her. He later texted me saying I was out of line and that I should apologize or he and Jess would cut contact. Everybody except one other mutual friend is on my side.
I probably should not have gone off on her on that horrible day but I still feel like she crossed a line. Daniel and Sue have not spoken to me or seen me in months and I really do miss the times we had spent together as friends but I still don’t feel like I should apologize or that I’m wrong.
So AIT? Should I let go and apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Possibly wasn’t your place to be the one to lose your cool, but if not you then someone would have. Saying anything along the lines of ‘if only the deceased had done this random thing they’d still be alive’ at a funeral is a hideous thing to do.
Even if it was on the flip side and Jess had been into all that essential oil stuff and died because she’d relied on it instead of actual medicine, it would have been out of order to say ‘if only Jess had trusted her doctors rather than the hippy.'” elburcho
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Inappropriate on that girl’s part and you only said what everyone else there wanted to say. She sounds like the poster child for why multilevel marketing is crap and ruins people’s perspectives on reality.
If people are more worried about ‘keeping the peace’ and humoring Sue’s multilevel marketing nonsense AFTER A FUNERAL, WHEN SHE CLAIMS HER SNAKE OIL WOULD’VE PREVENTED THE DEATH… gosh.
Either they’re too spineless to confront Sue or they’ve also drank the Kool-Aid. Either way, I’d see no loss there if they sided with Sue over the rest of the group.” Castle_of_Aaaaaaargh
10. AITJ For Quitting My Job After My Manager Made Me Pay For A Wrong Order?
“I’m freshly 20 and I work at a boba/Chinese restaurant.
I make $12 which is minimum wage and I work my butt off. Most people doing my job where I live would make much more, like $15 but I’ve been here a year and like the staff, but things have changed a lot ever since we opened dine-in rather than just to-go.
Today, I had a mom and daughter order a salmon rice bowl. I always read the order back to customers to confirm, to which they say everything was correct. After I brought out their food, however, they told me they ordered a vegetable rice bowl.
I was a bit flustered because they literally confirmed, but they assured me it was vegetable and the customer is always right, so I just sent it back to the kitchen and told them there was a mixup.
The two were very nice about it and had no complaints.
But then my manager pulled me aside and told me that, because I rang it up wrong, I needed to pay for it. I informed him I read the order back to them and they assured me it was correct, it was just a mix-up but he was adamant, stating that this is company policy.
I’ve worked here a long time (this is my summer job and my second summer working) we’ve had several messed up orders before (most people who work in the front are 16-22 so it just happens) and this has NEVER been an issue.
Usually, they give it to one of the cooks or just give it to us for lunch. But my manager was adamant (it was $22 which isn’t crazy but like I get paid nothing and only once a month, I make no tips since they all go to my manager… it’s stupid).
I think he may be cold to me since I mentioned to one of my coworkers once that I was thinking of finding a new job (I didn’t say this to her but management is iffy, the place is disorganized, and I’m tired of being overworked and yelled at by doordash drivers… lol).
Maybe this was a jab because he was upset with me wanting to quit? I’m a good employee, he’s always asking me to help out and is thankful for me sticking around and helping train all the new people these past months (which is probably a sign since everyone is always quitting due to poor management and pay).
But after today, I was frustrated and done. So I sent in my 2 weeks, and my coworker from today supports me.
I’ve been looking for a new job for the past few weeks, so today wasn’t the only reason I quit. But I still wonder considering today: is it unrealistic for him to make me pay for something like that, or am I just being dramatic?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ all the way. I imagine a lot of your former coworkers also left because of tip theft.
And, by the way, what he’s doing is illegal. It doesn’t matter if you’re being paid $100/hr, if you qualify as a tipped employee those tips belong to you unless there’s a tip-sharing policy in place.
‘All (or even some) tips go to the manager’ is not a valid tip-sharing policy. The DOL and IRS actually require him to keep track of your tip earnings; I absolutely guarantee you that he’s falsifying paperwork and pocketing a lot of tax-free funds off your hard work.
Report him. If you know of current or former coworkers who have also had similar experiences, contact them and ask them to report as well.” laurifex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and make sure you tell EVERY SINGLE CUSTOMER that the tips they are leaving go to the manager and not the server.
Watch that place clear out faster than a fire drill. It is by far the worst business practice of a restaurant for management to take the tips of the servers. Huge violation of trust to the customer who is leaving the tip FOR THE SERVER.
You let this info get out to the public and that place will be closed within a month.” shclapstik
9. AITJ For Telling My Therapist The Things That Bother Me About My Mom?
“I (22f) have been in and out of therapy since I was a very young child, and my current therapist (f) is the best therapist I’ve had. During our first session, I told her that I might not recall events exactly as they were, because I know memory is unreliable.
But I told her I would never intentionally make things up or lie to her, simply tell her things as I remember them and as they affected me. I suffer from severe depression and BPD, amongst a few other things. Unfortunately, I see my therapist in my bedroom via Zoom.
I still live with my parents due to financial dependence.
Anyway, last week I went into it with my therapist about how my mom makes me feel. I can’t remember the exact points I made, but I remember these:
- I don’t feel comfortable expressing my spiritual practices since my mother recently made fun of ‘people who worship Greek mythology.’ I am Hellenistic.
- The first time my mom heard me say “Oh my God’. She told me God would strike me down. This seemed weird for her to say, but I have a memory of it happening.
- Around the start of 2020, she and my father stole a lot out of my bank account that I was going to use to move out.
They told me it was unemployment money, but that it ‘wasn’t my money because I didn’t earn it.’
- Constant disregarding my boundaries.
The day after my therapy, I went out of town with my father until yesterday.
Alright, enough background. About two hours ago, she informed me that she overheard me talking to my therapist last week and heard all the awful things I said about her.
She told me she had ‘the worst mental health crisis of her entire life,’ and she cried for two days. She also told me that she vented to my younger sister (21f) and that she ‘didn’t realize I despised her that much.’ She told me she heard me say that I despised her, that I couldn’t stand being around her, that I preferred my father, and that she was a ‘religious zealot.’ I don’t think I’ve ever used that term in my life.
She accused me of lying to my therapist and making up memories and insisted that most of the things I said she did never happened.
I tried to explain that I never once lied or intentionally made things up and that I knew my memory was unreliable, but that I was telling things as I recalled them.
She then told me that the funds they stole from me were relief funds for household expenses, but they never told me that. When I said that they told me it was unemployment, she asked ‘And who signed you up for unemployment?’ (Note: I didn’t know how to sign up for unemployment because I was never shown how to do those things because my mom would insist on doing it herself instead of showing me how.)
I now feel absolutely awful for talking to my therapist. I need to know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mother is a lying, manipulative thief. If the government gave out relief money that went directly into your account, it’s theft for her to take it out behind your back.
You need to make sure only you can access your account. Your mother is gaslighting you into believing a series of events that cast her in a better light. Believe in yourself and get out of there.” Jeronus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – OP, I wonder if your mother’s gaslighting and self-victimization complex helped contribute to your ‘unreliable’ memory?
She made you doubt your own memories so much that you no longer know what’s real or fake.
Nothing you say in therapy should be held against you by anyone. It should be an open place for you to talk and vent about anything.
Your mother is the one who invaded a very private discussion and made it all about herself when the therapy’s focus is you and your healing. You have nothing to apologize for and nothing to feel guilty about, and I really hope that you’ll continue to feel open, vulnerable, and honest with your therapist. Please try not to let your mother rob you of that security.” CrimsonKnight_004
8. AITJ For Refusing To Pay More For A Bus Ticket?
“Where I live when you buy tickets on public transport, intercity trains, busses etc there are discounts that vary. Veterans, disabled, seniors, students, etc. Ticket checkers sometimes inspect our tickets on buses and trams, it’s rare maybe only 3% of rides will have an inspection. They make you pay a fine if you don’t have a ticket.
Usually, student discounts are 51%. I was in another city and I bought a bus ticket on the machine. I clicked student and it was a 37% discount.
The ticket inspectors asked for my ticket, I showed it and then they asked for my student card. I showed it.
Apparently, I clicked the wrong student type (I have never seen multiple student types before) and my student card was actually entitled to a 50% discount, not the 37% that I got. It’s a difference of like 0.40 PLN. The ticket checkers said since I clicked the wrong one I owe them 200 pln.
I told them I was not paying that because I bought a ticket and yes I bought the wrong one but I overpaid, not underpaid so I shouldn’t have to.
They threatened to call the police. They said their fine will be increased by 500 pln if the police are involved. I asked them to call the police and they were reluctant to but they eventually did.
They stood in front of the door so I couldn’t get off. Unfortunately, all of this is very normal here and they want to fine me because they take a commission from every person fined. They held onto my ID card too and wouldn’t give it back.
Eventually one of them drops it and I quickly pick it up and they demand it back and I say no. I see a gap and I run through them when the door opens and they follow me outside. They yell the police are on their way and I’ll be charged more.
Nothing happened. I have a friend who never buys tickets and runs away every time and nothing happens.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They were clearly trying to extort you for funds, there was no reason to take you aside for the reasons you listed. You had paid and had overpaid at that, not underpaid, there was no reason for them to pull you aside like that.
The whole thing was super shady and leaving was the right thing to do.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You bought a ticket and overpaid by mistake. They had absolutely no reason to ask you to pay a fine. They were clearly trying to extort you some funds.
Also, I’m 99% sure that in most countries, their jurisdiction stops once you’re outside of the vehicle. They are not the police so they aren’t allowed to stop you or detain you, and could get into a lot of trouble for trying to do so. This is why they will always prevent you from exiting the vehicle rather than get out with you and wait for the cops.” Nashiwa
7. AITJ For Gifting My Friend Two Months' Worth Of Cleaning Service?
“A very good friend of mine had her third baby four months ago, her husband is deployed and neither her parents nor his live close, like at least five hours away.
Her husband left just over two months ago and my friend has been struggling which is completely understandable.
I’ve been going after work and on the weekends to help out with either watching the kids, doing washing cleaning, etc but I also have my own family I need to take care of and it’s starting to take a strain.
I said to my husband I’d like to get her some help, he said it was a great idea.
I asked the company that we use once a fortnight (we both work full time with four kids under 10) if we could gift their services for a weekly clean for two months, and they were happy to do it.
The next night after work I called to drop off dinner and gave her a printout of the email confirmation.
She got super angry and said I was saying she couldn’t keep her house in order and that she was a terrible mum and wife, I said that’s not the case at all, we just want to offer you some help as you don’t have your husband or your families here.
She started ranting about how I didn’t know what she was going through and that I think I’m better than her, I pointed out that I knew exactly what she was going through. My husband was in service for 18 years and he missed the birth of two of our children, the difference was I had family close by to help.
She told me to get out, which I did.
I was talking to another close friend who said that I handled it poorly and should have just cut back on how often I go if it was affecting my family (that made me mad) but my husband said my heart was in the right place.
She still isn’t speaking to me which makes me think I crossed a line.”
Another User Comments:
“This is the type of gift that should probably have started as a conversation and not a surprise.
People can be morally against paying for housekeeping services, uncomfortable with strangers in their home, feel like it’s a failure on their part, or have any number of hangups.
But something along the lines of ‘I know how overwhelming it can be with a new baby and absent husband, I really don’t know how I would have managed it if I didn’t have my family close by, and even now with my husband home we bring in a cleaning service twice a month just to keep up with everything.
I see how hard you work to keep everything together without the support of your family, and I would really like to make it easier for you if I can. I’ve looked into it and my cleaning service can come around to your house for the next few months as well.
Is that something you would like? It would be like my gift from a mother to another mother.’
She clearly overreacted even after you tried to assure her that it came from a place of understanding and support and was not an accusation and maybe it wouldn’t have happened if the explanation came first. I don’t think you’re a jerk, and I’m not sure she is either for having such big feelings about this.
You may just not see eye to eye, and while she was being incredibly rude about it I don’t know how it’ll turn out if this was just the tiny straw that broke her back or if she’ll double down on being offended. If the first, no jerks here, if the second, NTJ.” could_not_care_more
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t personally attacking her housekeeping skills, you were trying to find another way to help her out in a situation where providing the help she needs yourself is actively messing up your life. She doesn’t want the cleaning service, fine.
She told you to get out, also fine – now you have time to attend to your own business.
Perhaps her reaction can be chalked up to the intense pressure of caring for a baby on top of her other kids, who knows? If so, she may think differently about this situation in the future & realize not only that you were genuinely trying to help her, but also that it would have been really nice to have the help.
If not, all you can do is wish her well.” Far_Anteater_256
Go see her apologise explain why you got her the gift ask her what you can do to bridge the misunderstanding between you... ask her if her family have been in touch if she fancies going for a cuppa 1 day... if help g her so much is taking its toll pul, back a bit.. help her utilise any help the military can offer
6. AITJ For Refusing To Pay A Parking Fee?
“My friend and I were picking up takeout from downtown at 6:02 pm on a Friday night (yes that specific time is relevant to the story.) Where I live, you only have to pay for parking downtown from 7 am-6 pm Monday through Friday.
I checked the time to see if I had to pay, and it was two minutes after 6, so I didn’t. I also left my friend in the car with the keys while I ran not even a whole block down the street to quickly pick up our food.
My friend texted me almost immediately, before I had even walked into the restaurant saying that some parking guy was knocking on her window saying we had to pay $10 for parking. I told her to tell him I’d be right back and she said she told him I was just picking up a food order and I’d be right there, but he said he was going to go find me and tell me I had to pay to park.
About twenty seconds later, he walks into the lobby as I’m being handed my food and tells me I need to pay $10 for parking. I said, ‘Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize, I’ll go move my car right now.’ I walked out of the restaurant and he followed me back to my car.
I got in and tried to leave, but he was standing in my way of leaving. I rolled my window down and he said ‘You need to pay $10 right now.’ I told him I didn’t know we had to pay because you’re not supposed to have to pay after 6 pm on weekdays and it was after 6, and I was moving my car right now, and was parked for less than three minutes, so I wasn’t going to pay.
He said that this area was owned by a ‘different parking company’ and they require $10 anytime someone parks in their lots/spots. These spots were NOT marked at all, but he continued to stand in my way and say ‘You need to pay now’ for another thirty seconds before I said ‘I’m not paying anything.
Move.’ And he did, and I left. He wasn’t some random guy wanting money, he was wearing some polo shirt with a logo on it to an app that you can pay for parking on I guess. AITJ for refusing to pay in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This doesn’t sound right. You legally had reasons to refuse to pay him considering the time you parked but I’ve never been ordered to pay parking by the patrol right there and then. Sounds sus. If it was a parking violation, it’s usually via mail.
And your homie could have driven around while waiting. That’s why you need them. One to grab something while the other spots you.” stacity
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Well, even the police or government worker cannot force you to pay upfront. You have the right to refuse and they will write you a ticket to pay for later and have an official account where the money goes to.
You get at least 2 weeks to pay. So your behavior seems fine to me. His behavior however was very unprofessional and downright creepy.” Luwe95
5. AITJ For Asking My Roommate's Significant Other To Leave?
“I (24f) am a graduate student living with two (24f & 26f) classmates/friends in a house off campus. We recently had a housemate move out (23m) and agreed to not look for a replacement and just enjoy the extra space.
For the first year of living together, only our former housemate and I had significant others in the house. My partner of three years for example stays a few nights a week or I stay at his place, and he will occasionally be at my house without me there while I run to the school for a few hours.
Usually, he is not here without me though. One of my housemates has recently started seeing her first significant other who lives an hour away. We get along fine with him, so no problems there.
About 6-7 weeks ago, though, his car broke down. For the past month now, the guy and his dog (neither of whom is on the lease) have been staying at our rental house.
He will drop her off at work using her car, hang out at the house all day, or use her car to go to the gym, and then pick her up when the shift is over. My housemate never asked me or our other roommate if he could stay this long, and she has not told us when he will be leaving.
All I know is he says his car won’t be fixed until October. I haven’t said anything because I understand that car troubles happen, but I’m really bothered by the lack of communication.
This weekend, I was supposed to visit family out of town while my other housemates were out of state at a concert.
We agreed that the guy could stay at the house and take care of the pets. Some of my family got sick though, so my mom (who came into town to travel with me) and I decided to save on gas and stay in my town instead of traveling.
When I walk into my house with my mom after going to lunch, the guy is there with two friends, whom I have never met. He says they are going to a concert together and the two friends are crashing on the couch after.
At this point, I was furious because I was never informed that these boys were coming over at all let alone staying the night in our house.
I told my housemates that we needed to have a roomie chat when they got back. The one housemate texted me knowing it was about the friends staying over and apologized, but I still feel like a line was crossed.
AITJ for feeling hurt by the lack of communication and for wanting him to leave?
Does anyone have advice on how to have a productive conversation and avoid upsetting my friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She brought complete strangers into your home who had no permission to be there. That’s so creepy and not ok. I honestly would put my foot down and say the guy needs to go by the end of the week.
It makes no sense that he can’t go home because his car is in disrepair for that extended amount of time. If that’s the case the shop/dealer almost always gives you a rental to use while yours is repaired. The math is not mathing on his story.
He’s clearly become way too at home and neither the roommate nor the guy has basic respect for you or your other roomie. They just didn’t expect to get caught. Imagine what else they do that you don’t know about.” WholeBeeMovieScript
Another User Comments:
“The first thing you need to do is to not worry about avoiding your roommate getting upset. That is her own issue and not something you can control. The fact that she immediately knew that the issue was the friends says that she knew they were coming and chose to not say anything.
You need to tell the guy that he is not allowed guests in the house period as soon as possible. Do not wait for this meeting. Do not offer options. Ask them all to leave now and insist that he is not to have them in the house again.
You’re going to have to set some new ground rules and ideally set up an agreement you all three sign. Something like no one else having keys, a set number of nights a guest can stay a week, set limits and guidelines for longer-term guests, that there be an end date for any temporary issues, and so on.
NTJ.” Goda6511
4. AITJ For Complaining About My Neighbor's Kids By Posting Their Video On A Local Social Media Group?
“I went to leave my home today and when I opened my front door (which opens directly onto a street), I was greeted with a shopping trolley that had been ditched right in front of it. Not exactly blocking the path but directly in front of my house.
I have a doorbell camera so I checked the footage and it was some local kids (around age 12-13 I’d say) who dragged it there, played around with it for a bit, and then ditched it.
I don’t know my neighbors very well as I keep to myself, but our estate has a social media group (It’s private and only the people who live on this estate are part of it ~70 people or so).
There’s a fair bit of crime on our estate, we’ve had a spat of car break-ins and such, and many of the houses have cameras, people post footage in this group of anything dodgy, so I posted the video there asking if anyone recognized the kids and knew who the parents were.
That was apparently the wrong thing to do.
The grandmother of one of the kids replied demanding I immediately take the video down, that you shouldn’t be posting videos of kids to social media, that ‘Kids will be kids’, that I should get a life, that the kids were just playing, that I should have better things to do and so on.
All I asked was that the kids take the trolley back to where they found it and not leave it in front of my house.
A couple of hours later, the mother of that kid was at my door, screaming and shouting at me much the same things.
There are ‘worse things’ going on in our estate, that I am picking on her children (It’s the first I’ve ever mentioned any of the children on the estate), I should have better things to do, that they’re ‘Just kids’ and ‘it would be different if it were adults’ and so on.
Meanwhile, the trolly was right next to her.
I remained calm and explained that I just wanted them to remove the trolley they had left there and was told that I should just do it myself. She said ‘If it were me, I’d have just pushed it down there’ and pointed further down the street.
I have taken the video down as it’s clear the parent(s) couldn’t be reasoned with anyway and all I wanted to do was talk to them, but AITJ for posting the video at all?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. The overreactions from grandma and mom are pathetic and kinda show where their mind is… they sound like the perfect caricatures of parents to spoiled, overprivileged children… but it sounds like they just left an empty shopping cart in your doorway?
How much damage did they really do here? Maybe I’m not picturing this right in my head.
You posting the vid and effectively naming/shaming them in a reasonably public way over this seems a little overkill to me. Surely a private note and a link to someone with authority in your estate would have been enough?” UMCorian
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
If you live in such a small community, I’m sure you could have identified the kids easily and just spoken to them or their parents like a normal person instead of plastering their video online. It makes them look bad and brings negative attention, they are kids after all.
It’s not like they chained it to your house. If it was just a one-time thing, you could return it yourself, it takes significantly less time and effort than to post it online. Complaining here about this is even worse. Sounds very silly.
Social media justice has become a norm nowadays.
Sigh.” User
3. AITJ For Refusing To Send My Daughter Away For A Day?
“My wife (41F) and I (39M) are unable to conceive children due to medical reasons. We both make very good money, so we were able to happily adopt 5 beautiful children, three sons and two daughters.
My oldest daughter (15F), whom I’ll call Mary, has very prominent Chinese features and obviously looks nothing like my wife and me (both of us are Scandinavian). We have always been open to our kids about being adopted, and been truthful when they have questions.
When Mary was 12 we told her about her birth parents, just two poor, inner-city, high schoolers unable to raise a child.
The problem arose when her history class watched a documentary about Asian kids essentially being kidnapped and ‘adopted’ (sold) to European families. While I’m sure child trafficking is an incredibly serious issue, I was hurt when my own daughter accused my wife and me of participating.
When my wife tried to reassure her that we adopted kids both to give them a better life and because we absolutely wanted to love and raise kids of our own; Mary accused my wife of stealing her from her birth parents, who would have loved her and gave her a great life.
She started crying and screamed that we only adopted kids so other people would think we were good people and that she would have had a great life growing up with her real parents even if they were poor. She then stormed off to her room.
My wife and I each took turns later in the night after she calmed down, to remind her of how much we love her and that she would always be our little girl, no matter who her birth parents are. For dinner, I made her chocolate chip pancakes and we watched Supernatural together till she fell asleep cuddled between my wife and me.
I thought we had moved on until the next morning my wife was adamant about sending our daughter to stay with my brother-in-law in the city. He has a nice apartment and lives on a good block, however, he’s not very far away from where the city becomes very poverty-stricken.
My wife believes that by exposing Mary to the slums of the city, she will better understand how much better off and privileged she is. I told my wife that I think she’s taking our daughter’s words too personally, and that her outburst probably came from wondering why her birth parents didn’t want her.
My wife agreed with this, but is still adamant a day in the city will change Mary’s perspective and make her more appreciative that she comes from a secure family.
So, AITJ for not wanting to expose my daughter to abject poverty by sending her away for a day?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t want to send the message that you’re punishing her for questioning her adoption, or that you only love her when she’s a ‘good kid’. Adoption is hard for kids to process, and it sounds like this is anger at her biological parents finding an unhealthy way to manifest. She doesn’t want to have been unwanted, so if she was kidnapped, she was loved by her biological parents.” TinyRascalSaurus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not sending your daughter away, but your wife is a jerk for wanting to send her away.
Your daughter has grown up with a minority ethnic and racial identity and has experiences that you will never understand in her life.
This isn’t a dig at you, this is the absolute truth. Seeing this documentary about Asia really, really hit home. Do you know what it’s like to have a different ethnicity, race, and skin color from your family? To be racially profiled at every single turn, whether or not your family recognizes it.
She’s dealing with a lot right now.
You’ve said you told her ‘about her birth parents, just two poor, inner-city, high schoolers unable to raise a child.’ Is that true? Was she born to migrants to Scandinavia, or people with different ethnic heritage, and too poor to raise a child – or was she adopted from Asia?
Kids can really tell when you’re lying.
What steps, if any, have you taken to ensure your child is comfortable as an adopted child to white parents? What does she know about her ethnic and racial heritage? Your child feeling weird about being adopted for various reasons doesn’t mean you get to dump her in a lower-income community so that she, as an adoptee, can feel ‘grateful’ for you as parents doing your absolute bare minimum.
Your wife should be ashamed of herself for wanting to punish her like this.” Technical_Desk9578
2. AITJ For Shouting At My Partying Parents And Their Friends?
“My (f 18) parents are very social people and take pride in being the center of attention. Recently my younger (f 14) sister was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
My parents had a BBQ planned that they invited over 100 people to and refused to cancel even after my sister got her diagnosis. The day of the BBQ came and the house was literally full, my sister was holed up in her room as she was in a depressive episode (right word?).
The guests asked me multiple times where my sister was and I refused to answer, said I didn’t know or just avoided the question. I didn’t tell anyone because that’s none of their business and I knew my sister wouldn’t want me telling them.
At some point, my parents must have told someone as suddenly I saw about 20 people going up the my sister’s room to ‘say hello’. They pulled her out into the party and she simply began crying at which point I asked my parents if they would do anything and they said no. This is the point where I may be the jerk.
I began trying to pull my sister back upstairs however most people were too wasted and the crowd was too thick for me to get past. I then turned off the music and began shouting at both my parents and their friends asking them things like are they blind and this is a crying child.
I said a lot worse things but I can’t really remember as I was at the point where I could only see red.
After I had calmed down a bit my sister went back to her room and the guests started either leaving or just standing around awkwardly.
My sister has thanked me for it and most of my friends say I was justified in saying that however my parents and their friends are calling me a jerk. Was it right for me to shout at them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents thought their party and guests were more important than their daughter’s well-being.
You stood up for her. Well done. Maybe if they had handled the situation from the beginning, people would not have been bothering your sister and things would not have escalated to start off with.” Various-Bridge-325
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You, 18f, should not have the same expectations of maturity over yourself as over your parents and their adult friends.
Looks like your parents are veeeery social but not very smart regarding emotions.
They were transgressing clear limits of your sister. You were trying to avoid that. At first by hiding information, then by commanding them to stop, and then by yelling at them. That escalation is not your fault, it is theirs for pushing and pushing.
You had no other choice (apart from letting them do whatever they wanted).
Next time maybe try to start with something more assertive: ‘My sister is sick, she is in her bedroom, she won’t get out, and I won’t allow any of you to go bother her, she needs rest and calm.
I’m serious, really, don’t push it!’
They now think you were the party pooper. They are wrong, they were the ones killing it. But they have a choice, they can have their parties untainted, as long as they don’t get petty with messing with those that don’t want to party.” sicofonte
1. AITJ For Not Eating The Food My Partner's Mother Prepared For Me?
“I legitimately love my MIL and she sees me as her daughter.
I became vegetarian a few weeks ago (ie. I don’t eat meat, including beef broth or chicken broth). I was with my partner at my MIL’s house. She made some chicken sandwiches for my partner.
She told me ‘But don’t worry, you and I will be eating vegetarian! I’ll make us some chickpeas mixed with XYZ’ (she’s absolutely wonderful).
I was so happy and grateful that she was willing to accommodate me, especially since I had brought my own vegetarian soup (so as to not be a burden).
She prepared the food (It took about 20 minutes max) and when it was ready I realized there was broth. I asked if it was beef broth, and she said yes. So I was mortified. I told her I couldn’t eat beef broth as a vegetarian.
She apologized, so I told her not to apologize because it’s a mistake everyone makes… I told her I was so sorry she spent some time cooking for me. In the end, all was well and I ate the soup I brought, while she ate the food she cooked.
During the afternoon I went to the gas station right next to her house and bought several packs of vegetable broth. (because I didn’t want her to spend money on buying broth for me. Also, it’s the normal Knorr brand I use)
I gave them to her saying I was sorry for the misunderstanding earlier, and that this broth she could use if she ever wanted to cook for me.
But that I would always bring my own meals because I don’t want to be a burden on the family.
When we got home tonight, my partner was furious. He told me I was selfish to refuse the food when my MIL had wanted to accommodate me.
He told me I was an ‘extremist’, and that beef broth is nothing. I explained it was a matter of principle. But he’s absolutely mad.
Do you think I’m the jerk for refusing the broth?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a vegetarian myself, you have done literally everything to help others understand your situation.
Your partner is delusional and clearly doesn’t respect your diet choices. You literally offered to bring your own food starting from next time and your MIL took it so well I’m amazed. Definitely not the jerk.” Vitalicize
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! But… it sounds like your partner has an issue with your vegetarianism and is expressing it under the guise of ‘how dare you insult my beloved mother like that.’
Your MIL sounds like a treasure, though. A very rare treasure! (Am curious about the terminology, seeing as that’s usually used to describe a spouse’s mother, not a partner’s mother – are you and your partner engaged?)” Lux_Brumalis
