People Try To Get Over Real Conflict In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
18. AITJ For Legally Claiming Ownership Of Dogs I've Been Caring For Against My Controlling Mother's Wishes?
“I (19F) and my mother have had a very rocky relationship practically my whole life. She’s always bossed me around my whole life with what I should eat daily and what I should wear.
She belittles everything I do and any time I ask her for help she yells at me and tells me how stupid can I possibly be. As if I should immediately know how taxes work for example. Another big one is cooking.
Anytime I’d try using the stove and I ask her one question she ends up pushing me out of the way and finishing the rest, not even bothering to show me, calling me incompetent.
At some point, we ended up adopting two dogs in addition to the dog we’ve had since a puppy (Coconut).
I started my first job at 14 as a busser at a restaurant. I worked a lot but my mother would instantly take my checks to help pay the bills. I still took care of all three dogs and taught them loads of commands, would brush them daily, trim their nails, even brush their teeth, and I watched a bunch of videos of how to give good massages to dogs so that it keeps their muscles and joints loose and healthy.
At least twice a week I did each of their specialized activities with them. For one dog I did agility, the other I did scent work, and for the third I went on mile runs with them.
About seven months ago, we moved and my mother and little sister moved in with her new partner (Brandon) I live in the garage apartment thing just a few steps away from the house with the two dogs we adopted and my partner (Jack).
In the beginning, I was living off of my financial aid money with Jack’s help because I’m a full-time college student but now that it’s summer I’m working full-time with three jobs. It’s plenty enough to pay rent and get necessities for myself and the dogs.
Any leftover money I have I use to bring them to regular vet visits, new toys, treats, etc. I cook food for them too so they’re even spoiled with homemade meals.
I think she was realizing the control she was losing between me having my place, own car, own money, and especially with Jack and his family in the picture, showing me everything she wouldn’t.
Not to mention Jack helped pay for my first car, and showed me how to open up my bank account, one my mother didn’t have access to so she’d stop randomly taking my money. There’s a lot he and his family have done for me but those are just a few examples.
My mother lost it on me one day and said I don’t take care of the dogs, I’m constantly neglecting them, I’m not responsible, etc. So she told me if I move out and take the dogs she’ll call the cops.
The dogs are technically under her name since I was a minor when we adopted them. So I brought my two dogs to a free rabies clinic, then brought them to the town clerk to receive dog licenses in my name.
I have proof that I’ve been paying for everything for the dogs and also proof that SHE is neglecting Coconut. I’m ready for war and we’re officially leaving the apartment within the week.”
17. AITJ For Not Including My Friend's Partner In The Wedding Party?
“I’m getting married in Sept. While planning, we ran into an issue that my fiancé has more people he wants included than I do. He has 3 brothers, a cousin, & 2 friends he wants as groomsmen. I have 1 sister, & 3 friends.
In my friend group are the 3 women I asked to be in the wedding, & 2 guys. My fiancé thought of asking those guys to be “bridesmen”. I thought it might be a little weird, but ultimately decided that it was a neat idea.
We all live in different states now, so I called to ask them to be bridesmen. One of the guys – John – is seeing one of the girls I asked, & after some initial confusion, he said yes. The other friend – Ben – is where the issue came in.
He has a partner that he has been seeing for like 2 years. I’ve met her a few times & like her, but we aren’t close. I asked him if he would be in the wedding & he agreed.
Later, in our group chat, Ben asked “what color do you want us wearing?” I thought the “we” meant the bridal party.
I sent them a green swatch to match ties & dresses too.
This past weekend, I came back to my hometown to get everyone together for a “bachelorette” party. Everyone who had partners brought them. The next day we got together for brunch.
Ben’s partner asked me to okay a dress. I thought this was weird for her as a guest, but she showed it to me & it was the same shade of green that I had picked. I told her I would prefer if guests didn’t wear the exact shade because it might be confusing.
She asked what I meant, & I explained that if she matched the bridal party, people might think she’s a bridesmaid & I just didn’t want that, but that if the dress came in a different color that it was pretty.
She said okay & dropped it.
Later, Ben calls me & asks what I said to her. I said what happened & he said “but you literally asked us to be in the wedding”. I said that I had only asked him, & he said that he thought because John’s partner was included, that it meant the ask extended to his partner as well.
I said that I must not have explained it well & apologized, but that I only had room for him & not her. He told me then that he no longer wanted to be in the wedding as it meant his partner would need to attend the wedding alone where she didn’t know anyone, & I just said that I understood but was disappointed & he hung up.
I talked to John later & he said he understood why Ben was confused, & asked if it would be worth it to find another person to be in the wedding to allow her to join. I talked to my fiancé, & he also said he was fine with finding another person.
My bridesmaids say that there’s no reason she should have assumed that & it’s not my responsibility to cater to her. I have not spoken to Ben since, he’s ignored all my texts & I’m not sure if he’s even coming as a guest or where we stand at all.
Now, I’m a bridesmaid short & Ben is mad that his partner isn’t included & has been talking about it with all our friends, causing drama amongst us.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you directly asked Ben about it, then he shouldn’t have assumed that there was an implied “bring your partner too, she’s in the bridal party as well!”, and if he had any doubts, he could’ve just asked you.” everexisting
Another User Comments:
“Their first assumption doesn’t make any sense. Particularly when she is so unfamiliar with you that she is uncomfortable attending as a guest. In your shoes, I’d assume she isn’t comfortable with her partner walking down the aisle with a different woman or something else ridiculous that isn’t your problem.
NTJ” concretism
Another User Comments:
“Problem is you never made anything clear. That’s on you. When you include others it is taken as that all are in the bridal party as you never said otherwise. Plus when Ben asked you about the colors he asked about them as a couple and you still never clarified. Most likely he’s not answering you now because they have decided to go no contact.
Most likely you burned a friendship and won’t be able to fix it now.” TheBoss6200
16. AITJ For Leaving Late Friends Behind On Our Planned Trip?
“Me and a group of guys who I share a university class with decided to plan a trip since we were all bored. We thought it’d be fun (and cheap) to take the ferry to the neighboring country and stay there for a week.
There are 15 of us, and while not everyone knows everyone that well, we’ve formed this odd loose friend group held together by a chain of who’s close friends with who; it’s usually an “anybody up for drinks?” and then whoever comes, comes sort of situation.
The dock is on the other side of the city, and since none of us have cars because we’re all broke as anything, we thought the easiest way to go would be to take the metro to the center together a couple of hours prior, split up and grab lunch or whatever there and then get to the terminal at our own pace.
We even met up in person before leaving to go over the meeting times.
When we all went our separate ways, I went off with one of the guys I’m close friends with (I’ll call him “Frank”). We had around 3 hours to get there, so we just hung out for a bit and got some food before hopping on a bus.
We were there about 30 minutes before the agreed time and bought tickets for the ship that left 30 minutes after the meet-up time. 40 minutes went by, and no one had arrived. We messaged the rest of the group asking where they were, and turns out all of these people have 0 attention span.
A few people lost track of time while eating, some went to a bar, one decided to go buy a suit (???), and another thought this was a great time to sort out something at the bank (????). Some did try to come on time, but one guy refused to take a bus and two others didn’t want to pay for a taxi.
10 minutes before the ship took off, we decided to just get on it without the rest and meet them at the destination since the ride was only 2,5 hours or so. This seemed like the reasonable thing to do since we couldn’t refund the tickets, and it was just the boat ride anyway.
However, when one of the guys I do know pretty well (I’ll call him “Frank2”) found out we had left, he got really upset.
He said we shouldn’t have bought tickets before the rest of them arrived, and asked why we even came on the trip if we didn’t want to hang out with anyone else.
I replied that I did want to do the trip together, but how was I supposed to know that everyone else had no time management skills? He said that we never agreed when we would leave, only when we would arrive at the terminal, and that we should’ve waited. He said he would’ve wanted to grab drinks and such with us on the boat.
I thought the plan was clear and it would’ve been odd to not assume we were leaving at that time, but Frank2 thinks I need to relax. Frank thinks we did the reasonable thing, but two others I spoke to agree with Frank2.
It all worked out and we reunited, but Frank2 is still clearly upset and the whole vibe is a little off. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but everyone seemed genuinely offended. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems like you guys did make specific plans and other folks didn’t honor those plans.
That’s not on you. Why wouldn’t you have bought your tickets so you’d be ready to go? It’s also not a huge deal. Like, if the plan was to be doing stuff across the water for an entire week, what does it matter that you’re not together for a 2.5 hr boat ride?” freerange_chicken
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your group has agreed to be at a ferry terminal, airport, or whatever at a specific time, whoever does manage to get there on time shouldn’t be expected to wait indefinitely for the laggards. This goes double when they’ve already got their tickets.
Your behavior was entirely reasonable and appropriate.” SavingsRhubarb8746
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did what you thought was reasonable. It was. Frank2 is overreacting so ignore his nonsense. Also “A few people lost track of time while eating, some went to a bar, one decided to go buy a suit (???), another thought this was a great time to sort out something at the bank (????)” Thanks for the best description of herding cats I’ve read in a long time.
It’s very entertaining when you’re not the one doing the herding.” ApprehensiveBook4214
15. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Stop Blaming Me For Her Ex's Infatuation?
“My friend “Ally” and I have been friends since we were 11 (15 years). She’s my oldest friend. We’re different but that’s always worked for us and through.
When Ally started seeing her ex, “Jake”, I was happy for her. Jake was fun and interesting, and he pulled Ally out of her shell which was nice to see. The three of us would do a lot together since Jake and I had similar interests.
For a while, we were a good trio.
I freely admit, I was a bit blind to the signs that Jake was infatuated with me. I thought he was a nice guy who was trying to make his partner’s chronically single friend feel included. A lot of people clocked it, I thought they were overreacting and being disrespectful to Ally.
It was only when my roommate mentioned it that I started to think seriously about it. Unfortunately, it was too late to do anything because Jake made a move on me less than a week after that conversation. It was fairly public so it wasn’t even me that had to be the one to tell Ally.
Ally and I did talk about it, and I thought we were sticking together. She even came and stayed with me for three weeks after the breakup. I did everything I could to support her. But after 4 months it never seems to be enough.
She is constantly making comments about me – what I wear, how I act, everything I do just seems to annoy her. She keeps pointing out everything I do, saying “that” is what gives guys “the wrong idea”. She doesn’t seem to like going places with me anymore either.
If we go out together she leaves early if I get male attention (which I don’t invite). I’ve taken her out for spa days, and dinners, and done everything I can to make her feel special but I’m sick of feeling like Hester Prynne.
This came to a head on Sunday when I went to Ally’s housewarming party. She greeted me, but I could see something was off so I just left her to it and talked to other people. While I was talking to one of her colleagues, Ally pulled me aside and asked me to change my outfit because it was drawing attention (spoiler: it was not).
I refused to change into clothes she wanted to lend me so she said I had to leave, and that after what happened with Jake she thought I would try to be more conscious of how I am.
I kind of lost it and told her she needed to stop punishing me for what Jake did because I didn’t do anything.
I reminded her that she didn’t see anything wrong either so it’s not like I was the only naive one and that she was the person who brought him into my life not the other way around. I said I was sick of her acting like she was a victim of something I did and that she was being a jerk.
And then I left.
My roommate feels I’m absolutely in the right and has been sick of how she treats me since she stayed with us. But I feel bad. The whole situation was messed up and maybe I’m not giving Ally enough grace for feeling weird around me now.
But at the same time, she could just take some space rather than being rude to me. Idk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even giving Ally all the grace in the world for dealing with being jealous of your looks after what her bad bf put you both through> She could just take some space rather than being rude to me.
You are 100% right. It sounds like you’ve been an amazing friend. Ally is being a bad friend. Take the space you need from her bad behavior and hopefully, she will eventually come around and apologize and work toward repairing your friendship.
ETA: I also want to say that I think women can feel trapped in this stereotypical shallow social dynamic of “the hot one” versus “the plain/ugly/whatever one” and it sounds like this could be part of your friend’s insecurity right now.
Which is 100% not your fault. But society sucks! I hope she can work on herself.” andromache97
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s obvious and you know that you cannot be held responsible for what the ex did. You might be confused about why she’s acting like this even though you talked about it.
In these situations, two factors influence the aftermath: the first one is confidence and the second one is frustration. She probably lost part of her confidence because you inadvertently outshone her, so undermining you makes her feel better. And she’s probably frustrated because she’s still upset about the situation and she can only break up with her ex once.
What you need to know is that you can do nothing about these. She has to work out these issues on her own (therapy or maybe taking a break from the relationship). If she isn’t willing to work on these, there’s nothing you can do.
I’m sorry, but you did well standing your ground.” 4evernewbie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is the classic ‘blame the other woman’ situation, even though you weren’t the other woman as you didn’t accept Jake’s advances. I understand that she’s hurt at what Jake did, but you are not responsible for his actions so she needs to be mad at him…which I’m sure that she is, but she’s taking it out on you.
You are correct that she needs to take some time away from you rather than making snide comments or saying that you’re inviting male attention by the way you dress.” cleegiants
14. AITJ For Refusing To Take My SO's Bodybuilding Photos?
“Long story short; SO (m33) and I (f31) have been together going on 4 years and have a toddler.
After two years of struggling to get back into work after the baby (housecleaning in the meantime), I am finally getting a stable income. Bodybuilding professionally has always been SO’s dream so we decided this is the year for him to do it, and I would fully support him.
Bodybuilding is expensive to do so our deal was that I would cover the bills and rent and he would cover his coaching/household groceries since he would eat a LOT/supplements so he could focus 100% on bodybuilding and take a step back from working full time.
Another notable thing is it is both of our goals are to live from social media income. We discuss this constantly and it is a dream of ours. For context; I have over 145k followers over 4 platforms that I have grown in the past year and a half.
I get a fair amount of income, nothing crazy but enough to cover bills. I’m filming myself all day and when I’m not filming I am editing and posting and it’s incredibly time-consuming. Because of this, we have 3 tripods and 2 photography lights.
They are super easy to set up and fold away, simple inexpensive ones from Amazon. SO has 8k followers but only works on 1 platform.
SO’s on week 3 of coaching and has to send a “check-in” photo to his coach along with his weight in the AM every Wednesday.
Last week and the week before I helped him but I told him he should use a tripod so it’s a more consistent angle for a photo, also because I have a lot to do myself and can’t just drop everything to help him every single time.
He also has been too lazy to go to the gym in the morning to get his actual weight and has been sending the weight from days prior for check-ins.
This morning (Wednesday) he again asked me to help him take photos but that he needs to use the photo lights we have.
I told him sure, go set up the light while I get my coffee ready and milk ready for our toddler when she wakes up in a minute.
I finished getting the milk ready and he was standing there with his phone and the folded light on the ground with the cord still wrapped neatly around it.
He didn’t even try to set it up and was waiting for me to come do it for him. I lost my temper and told him to forget it, he could do it all himself and use one of our 3 tripods.
I went to get our toddler and left him to fend for himself.
He told me he didn’t know how to extend the light and didn’t want to try in case he broke it or something. He also said he didn’t know how to extend any of our 3 tripods..
that we have had for over a year. I told him if he wants to be a bodybuilder influencer he better figure out how to use a simple tripod and photo light and good luck honestly if he can’t do that on his own.
He is angry that I didn’t just take a couple of seconds to take the photos for him since it’s only once per week and only takes a moment. He also said that I promised to support him, which is true.
Am I the jerk for not helping him ?”
Another User Comments:
“A couple of quick questions from someone who used to pick heavy things up and put them down at the amateur competition level – is he already built? Has he been lifting for years?
Because short of taking massive doses of supplements if he isn’t already built he ain’t getting to the pro level in a year naturally. Goodness, 5 years is much more realistic – for someone in their late teens to early 20’s.
For someone in their 30’s if he is starting from the ground floor it is going to be much harder to get built. Plus does he even have the proper frame for it? Doesn’t matter how much supplements or gear he does if he has the build of a string bean.
Or if he’s tall, like above 5’8″. Arnold was a marvel because he was such a flipping aberration from the norm.” ThePrinceVultan
Another User Comments:
“This whole situation is nutty. I’m super curious how you’re making enough to cover the bills with 145k followers.
I have over 500k and am certainly not paying bills with that. But it sounds like you’re both headed for some kind of disaster with neither of you having a stable income. ESH – you for refusing to take a few photos.
It’s way easier for someone to snap a couple of photos than it is to DIY and him for not even bothering to plug the darn thing in. But a rational conversation could’ve resolved this entire situation vs a complete refusal and an argument.” Acrobatic_Hippo_9593
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re supporting the household. He can figure things out and take his photos or else he doesn’t *really* want to do what he claims and should get back to work. Also, I’m curious why he can’t work to begin with.
I was a powerlifter and then a bodybuilder for years in my twenties before I got tired of dieting and gym time and slimmed down. The gym might take 5-6 hours per week. Meals can be prepped and planned ahead of time.
Social media content can be pre-written/filmed and posted on a schedule. What exactly *is he doing* that doesn’t allow for working? Not to sound like a jerk myself, but he doesn’t seem like he’s committed. The *vast* majority of non-pro bodybuilders who are serious about it look great and can hold full-time jobs.
You build the social media following *while* you work. You stop working once the social media income replaces your income — not before. Maybe I just have different values, but I don’t see why he doesn’t work full-time. Goodness, I cycle 90 mins per day, lift for an hour 4x per week, meal prep on weekends, have a toddler, work full time, and still manage to make time for hobbies and social life.
Something seems off here to me.” User
13. AITJ For Yelling At My Grandmother For Ignoring My Illness And Boundaries?
“So this is the day AFTER the funeral, but all of one side of my family got together for my grandfather’s funeral and everything was fine until this morning.
I got a cold after the first day of staying with them and had been trying to treat it and get better while also staying away from people to not get them sick, but my family wants me to keep going places with them, which has a high chance of getting everyone else sick, as well as we all be in one car while I’m coughing.
(Don’t even mention wearing a mask, they’ll yell at me if I bring one into public). I have a persistent sore throat, and coughing, and also had a horrendous migraine the first day I caught it. The whole time I’ve been trying to treat myself my grandmother has been telling me I’m not sick I just have a sore throat.
Yesterday I had a fever of 99.9°F, which she said was not a fever and that I wasn’t sick while I was coughing like crazy.
Last night I was feeling a lot better and my temperature went down to 95.5°F, but this morning I woke up and just felt terrible again and am coughing more.
I wanted to be left alone but my Grandmother started to come over to get in my face and poke and tease me like she always does, and she knew hatedte it when she did this because after the first time her doing it, I always tried to get away from her when she does it and then she complains “why don’t you like to be touched?”
This morning I just didn’t want to deal with it and started saying “No” right when she started coming towards me. She kept coming and I said “NO” louder and louder four times until she started to reach for me and get in my face and I finally pushed her hand away and yelled “NO!” Then she looks at me with the most offended face and tells me “You do not talk to me that way, this is my house!”
Then I start saying how I’m sick and she keeps getting in my face and how nobody here seems to understand what the heck NO means. She starts yelling at me that I’m not sick, then decides to go off on my mother about the way she’s raised me.
I’m a full grown freaking adult. So now my mother is mad at me for my grandmother going off on her and nobody here seems to understand the concept of obviously wanting to be left alone and why you should MAYBE actually consider a person’s protests to what you’re doing to bother them.
My Grandmother is waiting for me to apologize to her, thinking she didn’t do anything to warrant my reaction when I straight up explained what the reason was and my mother wants me to apologize cause we’re basically “disowned” as of right now.
This has nothing to do with my pride in apologizing, I want them to get it through their head why I yelled. I’ve been sick for three days, have been getting told I’m not sick, and have had people getting too close to me and wanting me to go places while in extreme proximity to other people.
I want to be left alone once and they act as though I’m at fault even though I said NO four times.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But what on earth is wrong with your grandma and your mom? Why can’t they believe that you’re sick?
Why don’t they understand the meaning of no? Don’t apologize to her and certainly maintain that boundary because these people aren’t thinking about how you feel.” DoYaThang_Owl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You don’t have anything to apologize for and getting “disowned” for that tells me she’s not worth knowing anyway.
You’re getting gaslit about being sick and then having your boundaries ignored and they’re mad at you? Set the house on fire and never look back.” Demented-Alpaca
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t ruin the get-together, your grandma did. 99.9 degrees is, in fact, a fever.
And for grams to have the gall to try to tell you how you felt, OP, I’m not gonna lie, I got a little angry on your behalf. No is a complete sentence. Full stop. But Grams then doubled down and played the wounded pride card.
She thinks you owe her an apology for establishing boundaries for yourself. You do not.” NotCreativeAtAll16
12. AITJ For Selling Stocks To Buy Designer Items Despite Our Wealth?
“Happily married working at a FAANG (3 years now) with a retired husband – he is 10 years older. Together we have four adult children – 1 together and 3 from his previous marriage.
When we married his ex-wife quit her job and took us to court to get her child support increased wanting to attach to my income. We spent $20K to prevent that from happening. So for the first 10 years of our marriage, I was what he used to call his ‘cushion’ because 45% went to his children and 20% went to his investments.
I took care of us and our child’s needs. Eventually he decided he wanted to retire early and be a stay at home Dad. I agreed and he retired at 58. We lived frugally off of my income for the last 10 years while saving his pension.
Annually I now earn over $500k and he recently started taking his social security at 100%. Other than our mortgage (owe $280K), we owe roughly $5k in credit cards as we own our cars. At this point our net worth is over $3M.
We recently decided to build an addition to our home which we estimate will cost $500k – plan is to pay cash. He desperately wants to be debt free (a bit of a worry wort) so I agreed to pay off the mortgage.
This year, I splurged a little buying designer shoes and handbags. He just found out I sold some of the stocks (part of my compensation) and is angry! Like he won’t even talk to me or look at me. Why?
He thinks and acts like we are poor. He constantly worries about what will happen if he dies, I lose my job, we go to war, we have a recession, etc. The list of what if’s goes on and on.
His point is we need to save, save, save for a rainy day. Our broker shared given how we are investing we will leave our kids a really huge nest egg. He grew up poor and the idea of generational wealth excites him.
I don’t mind leaving money, but I don’t want to live a life filled with regret as his mother did. I was raised in an upper middle-class home and like nice things. He was raised in a low-income area and makes me feel guilty/stupid for wanting nice things.
For his birthday I purchased him all new clothes and designer shoes. I also purchased new clothes for our daughter. He yelled and said he was going to start buying the things he wants and that I wouldn’t be happy.
I actually don’t care. In my mind you can’t take it with you so why not enjoy the fruits of your labor while you are living? I refuse to let my tombstone say if only I had saved more money.
AITJ for selling some of my stock to buy things for myself, my husband and my daughter and not honoring our agreement to not spend any money? I spent less than 5% of my income. He doesn’t give me gifts because he says I have everything.
I feel like we live in the projects and we are one pay check away from living in our car. Help me please! I love him but this is ridiculous!
Note, I fully understand I am privileged. We both worked hard and give back to our community.
However, I am still a human, I love my husband dearly and just looking for help to save my marriage and sanity.”
Another User Comments:
“I would suggest sitting down with the financial planner about how much you can spend each month while still attaining your financial goals.
If someone else can put it down on paper, then your husband may be able to comprehend that he can spend money on you and give you gifts (flowers, books, vacation, etc.), and you can afford to buy yourself things.
I would also suggest a visit with a marriage counselor to work through his belief he doesn’t need to give you gifts, and that even though you are earning as much as you are, he feels you don’t deserve nice things.
It’s about your worth. He’s so consumed with money, he doesn’t see your value.” lilolememe
Another User Comments:
“I have a client like that. We are professional organizers and they had a massive hoard. It took a YEAR to get the house liveable.
The husband is constantly screaming about his wife spending money to keep the house from falling down, which is actually HER inheritance. They have well over a million in their portfolios that they had before her inheritance, and they paid cash for their house.
To hear him, they are destitute. NTJ” 74Magick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but the math doesn’t math. With 500k annually, why have 5k on CC, and why need to sell stock? And is he actually planning on leaving his kids your money?
He doesn’t seem to be contributing much. Your daughter should not need a SAHP at this age…” Nsr444
11. AITJ For Speaking Up About My Parents' Favoritism In Family Therapy?
“I’m (15m) in family therapy with my parents and my sisters Alisha (13f) and Kayleigh (12f). Therapy is pretty new and not going so well. We’re not a close family, we have a lot of issues and I know we have extra stresses because Alisha has a lot of complex medical issues and she can’t do everything Kayleigh and I can.
She needs a wheelchair sometimes, and she’s on lots of meds, but she can be fine sometimes too and can enjoy life. But she has limitations we don’t. And my parents make me feel like they want me to be another adult and not one of their kids.
They don’t like me spending time with friends. They say I could be home, helping, taking care of my sisters, or doing stuff at home for them. When I do go they can make me take one or both sisters.
Get angry if Alisha can’t join. If I’m forced to take one of my sisters or both, I can’t have fun. I get stuck making sure they’re okay. Even birthday parties (like at places and not kid parties anymore) I can be forced to bring them when they’re not invited and I get to watch them have fun.
If I have fun at something and my sisters don’t, then I get in trouble. Happened during our last field trips. I had a great time, Alisha had to leave early because she was sick, and Kayleigh had such a bad time.
I told Grandpa I had a great time and my parents berated me for it. While Kayleigh got to talk about how fun my best friend’s birthday at the trampoline park was. And she didn’t get into trouble for Alisha being jealous and missing out like I would.
I got berated for not having fun though. For acting spoiled that I didn’t have a good time.
They get mad that I don’t buy my sister’s birthday and Christmas gifts. They get mad that I get gifts from my best friend’s parents.
They get mad that I get invited to my best friend’s family events as a friend for him to hang out with and it’s made clear my sisters aren’t invited even if it’s something they “could be included in”. My parents get annoyed when I confide in Grandpa.
But they also get annoyed if I tell them how they make me feel. Alisha hates being left out which I get. But I’m the only one my parents get angry with for it.
Now we’re in family therapy. My parents are using it to talk about how awful I am.
They say I’m making life harder for everyone. They didn’t expect me to say how things are. But I did. After my parents said I act like a 5-year-old who doesn’t like being the center of attention I brought up in therapy how they treat me and how I feel like they take their frustration about Alisha requiring so much care out on me, how I’m held to a higher standard and they want me to be an adult and not a kid.
I said they couldn’t stand me having fun without my sisters or seeing me being the only one having fun, but almost like it when I’m the one not having fun. My parents got so angry at me after the session and accused me of embarrassing them.
I told them they just didn’t want me to speak so openly in front of my sisters which is why they included them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your parents didn’t want you to share the truth about how your family relationships function….
then why did they opt to do family therapy? If they didn’t want to be embarrassed by having their behavior outed, then they shouldn’t have behaved that way. I’m glad you told the truth — your parents are parenting you and holding you to an unfair standard that limits your growth.
I hope that the therapist has your back.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your parents don’t want to be embarrassed in therapy, perhaps they should be better parents. Therapy is pointless without honesty, they’re just mad because you held a mirror up to them and they didn’t like what they saw.
That is not your fault. I hope that they listen to the therapist and become better parents, but that’s not in your control All you can control is how you choose to be, how you act on your feelings, and your own choices.
Make plans for when you will turn 18. Maybe talk to your grandpa about setting up your exit strategy – where you’re going to go, school, work, living arrangements, and then on your 18th birthday, *get out of there*. Having a plan will make the next few years pass more tolerably.
Make your goals, stick to them, and never look back.” savinathewhite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are right that they are using you as a crutch and it isn’t your job to babysit your siblings. You are not their parent and it is not fair for them to expect you to be.
They are projecting their feelings of guilt and shame about their parenting onto you. You are not the bad guy.” lilygripzfree
10. AITJ For Struggling With The Expectations Of My First Relationship?
“I (F22) come from an Asian household. My parents are from India, while I was born in the US.
I grew up in the States and growing up in this household, I was encouraged not to have a significant other and not to have male friends. Outside of my brother’s friends, who I considered my brothers, I didn’t have much serious contact with guys.
As time passed, the idea of being in a relationship became more and more daunting. I didn’t know what I was doing, and I didn’t know where to start. Eventually, I told my mom that I didn’t mind going through an arranged marriage.
Just three months ago, while my mom was looking for a match for my brother, my mom found the profile of Ved (fake name, M27). He was from India, had finished his M.B.B.S., and was a working doctor before moving to Boston with his mom and his sister to get his Master’s in Public Health.
We started talking, and it was going fine. I made it clear to everyone that I didn’t know how to be in a relationship, that I was young, and that I wouldn’t say yes to anything other than just talking and being together for a while.
My mom loves him and has made it very clear to me that if I said yes, she would be ecstatic. My dad wants what I want. My brother thinks I’m an idiot for going through this and that I should finish college and get a stable job before I even consider all of this.
Ved himself is amazing, he’s sweet, he’s funny, and he made it completely clear that he wants me to be happy, and he’s willing to do anything to keep me happy. He gets interested in what I am interested in, has bought me things, and romances me whenever he can.
In June, he came to my house (where I live with my parents) to meet me and my family (sans my brother, who doesn’t live in our State anymore) This was our 2nd month of talking. I took him to a theme park we both enjoy, and he took me to a fancy dinner where he called the restaurant to give me a huge bouquet of roses.
Soon after this trip, he claimed to everyone in his family that he wanted to marry me. He has already said he loves me.
The part that makes me feel like a jerk is this: I have no idea what I am doing.
He wants me to call him every day, and I try, but sometimes I miss the call, and he gets disappointed. He tells me what he is doing every single thing he does throughout the day, and when I don’t, he gets disappointed. He’s made the claim that these things that he asks me to do are normal and expected of me.
Logically, I think he is right. I should be able to do these things, and I should at least learn how to do these things.
This is something I’m doing for the first time. And these things, like calling people and telling people where I am all the time, and texting all the time…I don’t even do that with my closest friends and family.
I want to be with him, and I am trying. I guess what I’m asking is, am I the jerk in this situation? And if anyone has any advice, I’ll take that too.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. People have different expectations of a relationship.
His clinginess and insistence on constant contact and updates seem a bit stifling to me and would be to many women I know, but some people might eat it up. Sounds like you aren’t into such an intense level of mutual communication.
Perhaps your brother’s advice to finish your education and spend some years in the adult work world is worth following.” CatteNappe
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here listen, when you think of him send him a text. A silly little meme, an emoji you think is funny/cute, a picture of a flower you took, a picture of the class you’re in, anything.
Your relationship is fresh, you’ve never even looked at a boy. There is no rush and no right answer. Just you and him. Here is the secret to a happy relationship: think of what YOU want, ask him what he wants, and talk through how to meet in the middle.
(if you don’t figure out what you want you will become overwhelmed/irritated/ grumpy and not know why.)” hypotheticalkazoos
9. AITJ For Not Wanting Workers To Hang Out And Drink On My Property?
“I technically owned my home since before my husband and I were married. I inherited it from my mother, so we have right around 15 acres and we live in California.
Within the last four years, my husband met a guy who owned his type of landscaping company. With my permission, my husband agreed to allow the guy to build a small building on our property to store his tools and allow him to park his work trucks here all in exchange for $500 a month total. My husband also gave him the first six months free in exchange for him building the building with the understanding that if he left, the building would stay behind.
Since the guy has been here, he has significantly expanded his business. He had like 3 work trucks since went to seven trucks with them mostly new and other construction equipment. I recognize that we are beyond giving him a stellar deal. My husband disagrees.
Every year when the weather turns nicer a couple of his guys want to stay here on Friday or Saturday and drink and listen to music sometimes until 8 p.m. I tell my husband I am not comfortable with this and every year ask him to tell them not to do that and that it is not OK.
This year I decided to take matters into my own hands and went and told the guy myself. I walked out my back door, could hear their music blaring, walked over there and they were splitting a 12-pack of Pacifico beer between two people.
It was almost 7 p.m. on a Friday. I told them if you are done working for the day, I’m not OK with you hanging out at my house and drinking after work. He apologized and said they would be leaving shortly.
He also texted my husband and apologized who was at work. My husband and I are both Night Shift nurses. We have three small children ages one through six. When we both work my 17-year-old step daughter comes and stays the night here with the children usually.
My husband texted me from work livid that I made them leave. Come to find out he has never gone and told him they can’t drink out here because he doesn’t have a problem with it and he doesn’t have any safety concerns.
I told him people do not need to be drinking at our house and that we don’t know potentially something that could happen to us or our children or at the very least could crash into something who knows?
My husband thinks I’m being ridiculous and that he doesn’t have a problem with them staying on the property and drinking after work.
Am I the jerk? Mind you, I wouldn’t want them doing this even if they were paying me $2500 a month.
I don’t know if it is also worth mentioning that the $500 a month they pay doesn’t even cover my utility bill and my husband doesn’t give me the money. Either way, he pockets it and does whatever he wants with it or he makes some type of deal with them periodically to work around on the property for free.
He was concerned that since I said something to that guy, the guy is going to want to leave or not want to make deals with him anymore. I don’t think I’m the jerk and I think my husband is an idiot.
But do you disagree? Why or why not?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you have a right to ask them not to be there. They have homes where they can drink. Besides, if they are on your property and something happens because of them, you would most likely be liable.
This includes property damage and bodily injury. How would your husband like to be sued because someone fell in a hole while drinking? Plus the risk factors of who is there, you don’t know them. For all you know, one of them could be on the registry.
Don’t back down on this.” charmedvampgirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s YOUR property and you’re not even getting the money from it? Your husband is pocketing it?? Time to let the business owner know that you’re renegotiating the terms of your lease with him and that he needs to pay **you** instead of your husband.
Your husband doesn’t respect your boundaries about this since he lied to you for so long about addressing this with them.” Filosifee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You need to talk to a lawyer and get a rental agreement/ lease written up.
It also needs to specify who gets paid if you don’t have joint custody of the property. If they are paying him for using your property that may be something the law would do something weird about like the rule that it is de-facto his property now since you have let it continue.
I’m not a lawyer, but you need to talk to one and protect yourself.” Zahrad70
8. AITJ For Leaving A Family Outing After My Parents Ignored Our Food Rules For Our Daughter?
“My husband, me, and our 15-month-old daughter went on a little vacation for the Fourth of July with my side of the family. I love my family, but it can be hard to spend a long extended period with them.
This is because they love to tease anyone about everything they can. That is the way I grew up, so I am not against a bit of teasing when everyone is having fun, but there is a line that they cross sometimes.
My husband and I are first-time parents, so we are pretty protective of our child. We try and make sure she is not eating too much sugar or junk food and that she gets what she needs to grow. We don’t deprive her of these things, but we don’t let her eat too much.
In my eyes, she is still a baby and I want her to have a good start to life.
We were on a little excursion with my parents, sister, and some aunts and uncles. We all packed lunches for our own families and I had packed chips in our lunch.
When my daughter got hungry she started nibbling on her sandwich and having a few chips. My parents packed a big bag of candy for everyone to share and I told them that our daughter was a bit too young for the candy in the bag and to not give her any.
As I was eating I looked back and what was in her mouth, the lollipop that my mom had. I was not happy and I said as much. My dad brushed me off and proceeded to mock me and call me strict.
I hear the rest of my family come in and start to tease me about it. When she was done with the lollipop she started eating again. A bit of time went by and I said she had enough chips and she needed to finish her sandwich.
My family said everything was fine and to look at how much fun she was having. My mom also said, “I don’t think I can keep them away from her.” She’s a baby, just take the bag away and keep it out of reach.
My dad then said, “You should see the things we give her when you are not around.” When I gave him an “excuse me” look, he said, “I’m kidding.”
At this point, my husband had enough and went to get our daughter.
My parents gave him a weird look and said, “Is that necessary?” I stood up for him saying, “When it comes to our daughter and what we think is right for her, yes it is.” They proceeded to talk about us and throw weird looks our way.
We had the option to leave the excursion or stay for longer. My family wanted to stay, but, my husband and my daughter left to cool off. My family kept talking about how it was rude to just leave after we were gone and how we overreacted.
I did raise my voice at them when they weren’t listening to me. My husband also got a bit angry as well. My mom and dad are still acting weird it and refuses to see any fault in themselves.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents blatantly undermined and disrespected you and your husband. If they’re this bold in front of you, I’d imagine there is truth to your Dad’s comment about what they do when you’re not around. For me (as a parent) there would be some new rules for Grandma and Grandpa with no unsupervised visits being the first one.
This would cause some serious trust issues in my books.” ChunkyPillow
Another User Comments:
“Your parents are sending (unhealthy) mixed signals to your child. Why would you give a child a piece of candy when she’s already eating a sandwich?
Just yuck. NTJ Your parents are undermining you and your child will learn that there are 2 sets of rules and that your grandparents think yours are stupid. No more long visits with your parents until they can behave like adults and respect your wishes.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They didn’t respect your rules around your child. A lot of people are commenting that this is a pretty low-stakes situation with the lollipop (I mean, I disagree because lollipops are a choking hazard), but it just opens the door to more of this sort of behavior where your parents violate other rules you have in place, which could lead to serious consequences for the health and wellbeing of your child.
Keep enforcing your boundaries. If they want to spend time with your child, they need to respect your rules.” stinamirabilis
7. AITJ For Being Cold Towards My Neglectful Mother After My Parents' Divorce?
“Ever since I was little, my mother always had a hatred for me, and she praised my little sister. My sister and I were different in a lot of ways, she had good grades, while mine were just above passing.
My sister was in the band, while I played lacrosse. My sister had friends that were good influences, while I had friends that weren’t bad influences but not especially good. My mom hated that I wasn’t like my sister so she put all her attention on my sister instead of me.
Since I didn’t get attention from her, this caused me to get into trouble a lot so she would know I was there. This didn’t help her hatred for me, but I got a kind of relief whenever she would scream at me.
Her lack of attention toward me gave me attachment issues, “mommy issues” as some would say, and worse anger issues as I got older. As I got older my mental health got lower trying to impress my mother. Now I wasn’t fully ignored, my dad was my role model in life.
He always made me feel loved and we had a close bond. Our bond only grew when he started coaching my lacrosse teams. It was nice to have a parent who I was close with, but I still wanted attention from my mother.
Everything changed when my parents divorced, she had been unfaithful to him 5 times and decided a month before it happened she wasn’t into men anymore. I was angry at my mother, and the whole situation because my parents had been married since a couple of months after I was born.
I bottled up my anger and this caused me to get in more trouble. I only bottled up my anger because I never liked opening up, I didn’t trust people so I never opened up. But when I lashed out when I was 15 it had me grounded for a few months.
My dad didn’t want me lashing out anymore so me and him started going to the gym. This was good for the both of us since it helped me take my anger out, and he had been wanting to go for a while.
This gave me and my dad chances to talk so he could make sure I was okay. My mom never asked though, she didn’t even really look at me and when she did I could see the disappointment in her eyes.
When my dad moved out and the split custody started, I took it as a chance to get away from my mom. When I was at her house I just went out with friends. And when she noticed that I wasn’t talking to her or trying to impress her she tried starting a conversation with me before I left and I would just give her stale replies and that would make the conversation end faster.
My dry replies made her ask things like “Why are you so mean to me?” and “What did I do to you?” and it also caused scream matches between us. I would just leave the house though, I didn’t want to deal with her.
After she saw I would just leave she would try to talk to me but struggle to find the words, I found it to be funny because she was finally feeling how I felt my whole life. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“**NTJ**. I think your interactions with your mom are just an extension of how she previously treated you… and perfectly within reason. Your Mom was a horrible parent to you and messed up the relationship. If your mom does start trying to repair the relationship with you, what do you want to do?
Do you want to shut it down because of the past? Or, are you willing to try to work things out? It’s your choice and I don’t think anyone could blame you for whichever path you decide to take. Either way, it sounds like both of you could use some professional help in managing this relationship or, at least, help to process your mother’s previous parenting mistakes.
I’m glad you had your Dad. Good luck to you!” naisfurious
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t trust your mother to have your best interest in mind when she deals with you. She has shown through her deeds and actions that she isn’t trustworthy.
At this point tell your mom that she needs to go to therapy with you to figure out how to communicate moving forward. Both of you are kind of sweeping feelings under the rug instead of addressing them out in the open.
A therapist can help you figure out how to talk about hard things” SnooBunnies7461
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Talk to your father that you urgently need therapy. And as I understand it from your text, it’s best if you cut off contact with your mum completely.
Seek professional help, work through everything, and then plan your steps on how to deal with it. Your mum asking you why you’re like this just shows that she wants to manipulate you so that you feel guilty and she has you back, begging for her approval and ignoring you again.” Hivan2o
6. AITJ For Refusing To Participate In My Mom's Instagram Reels About My Sport?
“I have been playing a sport since I was a toddler. My mum has made an Instagram account about me and my younger sibling about the sport.
My siblings agreed that if we got a pet, they would do the reels and all that.
So we did get a pet, and they do the Instagram reels.
I never agreed to anything, ever. I have been very, very open about how much I hate it and how uncomfortable it is, knowing that all this stuff about me can be seen by anyone with access to the internet.
Anyone can just search for my name on Instagram and find this.
She also says “You got your Nintendo Switch so you have to do it!” but no, Dad bought that for the family, completely unrelated to the Instagram.
I would argue about doing the reels for a solid 20 minutes until she gave up.
She would always punish me for it. It usually went something like this:
Me- “No I’m not doing anything for your Instagram”
Mum- “Why not? All your friends have Instagram accounts!”
“Not all of them do! How many times do I have to tell you that I’m not comfortable with your Instagram!”
“That’s stupid, I’m not telling people what school you go to and your personal life, why are you so selfish, you’re a terrible person, I cook and do so much for you and you can’t do this for me. This is the one thing I enjoy!”
“I’ll do something else! Go make reels about yourself if you like making content so much!”
“I’m boring, what would I film about?”
“Go find a hobby then”
“I don’t get why this is so hard! I’ll take your phone for the weekend if you don’t do the reel!”
“Okay, take my phone then, are we done now?”
“You still have to do it!”
And we just go in circles…
Eventually, we got into an argument so bad, around 2-3 years ago. It involved a lot of screaming and tears, in public.
She promised that she would stop the reels, but would still post.
Whenever I go to competitions I have to beg my dad to take me because mum will try and film this and that, take a million photos in different poses and perspectives and it throws me off.
Recently she tried to get me to film a reel again, she tried guilt-tripping me and gaslighting me, saying she never agreed to no reels. I even asked my dad and he said he remembers her saying she wouldn’t do reels anymore.
I just don’t get what’s so hard to understand. I no want this on Instagram.
Even my dad says I should do this to make her happy. But I don’t think this is right, I’ll do something else, why does it have to be this?
For the past several years she’s had this account I’ve hated every second of it. It’s played a huge part in my depression as well.
I’m on the verge of quitting this sport just so I don’t have to deal with this anymore.
I don’t want to, I love it and I’ve dedicated so much time and effort to it and I love playing competitions with all my friends. I’d hate to throw it all away because of this. I’ve tried numerous times to get my mum to drop the Instagram but it won’t happen.
So all I can do is ask, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I read a post a while back about a kid ordering custom tees and sweatshirts that say ‘I do NOT consent to being recorded’ and they put it on every time their mom wanted to film.
I know it’s not always a possibility with sports but it’s something to consider! Making it known to her followers that you don’t consent to be a part of this will likely cause her to lose followers and in turn, lose interest (hopefully).
Hang in there, and don’t forget you are your person. I know it’s tough when you are still in there but you will have more time as an adult than as a child. You got this!” e-raticmercenary
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a few options. 1. Talk to her, and explain that she’s harming your relationship and that it would push you further if she continues to 2. Make a private Instagram account and notify the support, you could also report the pictures with you in it 3.
(Depending on your age) contact Child protective services or a lawyer to help you there” CryptographerUpbeat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ not in any way Your dad is weak. He wants you to do it ‘for your mom’. Probably he just doesn’t want to try to convince her as she always does whatever she wants.
He should be there for you. Don’t you have a coach who can make it stop? Do you have access to her account, so you can post a statement? Many good suggestions have been made in the comments. You’ll find a way to stop her.” Ernitattata
5. AITJ For Giving The Delivery Driver Our Door Code To Bring Food To My Room?
“I (f21) have 9 roommates who are all my best friends, we live in a college house together but we all have our own rooms. Our rooms all have door codes but we share the kitchen and bathrooms. All of us get along well and are very close.
We have rarely had disagreements before now.
In our college town, it is super safe. I know a lot of people who never lock their doors because they don’t need to. We lock our door, but I wouldn’t feel unsafe if we didn’t.
Anyways, onto the issue. Tonight, I was too exhausted to get out of bed to make dinner and I planned on ordering DoorDash. I thought about it and since my room is the first by the front door, there was no reason I couldn’t just give the Dasher our front door code and have them bring it directly to my room.
It is barely any extra work for them and would make it much easier on me because I wouldn’t have to get up and go get the food when it got here. I made sure to tip extra for them going out of their way to help me and put the drop-off instructions and door code in the comments before ordering.
Anyways, flash forward to my food’s arrival. The Dasher comes into our house and gives me my food and leaves. It went just as smoothly as I expected. One of my roommates watched him leave and came in to ask me who he was. I explained the situation to her and she became furious and started screaming at me.
She said a lot of really hurtful things and told me she wished she didn’t live with someone who had no regard for other people. I always try to be nice and considerate to her and my other roommates and I also tipped the driver well so I am kind of lost on how I was inconsiderate to either party.
I feel like she is completely overreacting. It was another student who was our driver, we have cameras by our door, so many people don’t lock their doors and the man only came to my room, which means he didn’t step foot in any of the rest of the house or near her room.
I told him in the comments only to go to my room and gave him my room number so he knew exactly where to go. She is acting like we don’t all have guests over sometimes or bring random men home we met at the bar.
We all agreed we were fine with others bringing home tipsy men we met at a bar, why is it worse when I let a sober one quickly come in to bring me food? It is my house just as much as it is hers so I think I have as much of a right to invite people in as my roommates do.
I just don’t understand why she is acting like this is such a big deal and being so rude about it. I really can’t see why I would be wrong but wanted to get others’ opinions because she is insistent I was wrong.
My other roommates are split. One of them texted and said it wasn’t a big deal but the others also feel I’m in the wrong. So AITJ?
INFO: I don’t lock my door so he was able to just walk into my room himself and hand it to me, I didn’t have to get up.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And based on your roommate’s comment, it sounds like this isn’t the first time and this was just her breaking point. There is a huge difference between inviting a guy you have been talking to all night over and giving a stranger your door code to let them into your house alone.
You say they were a student too but that was just luck. You don’t get to screen your drivers before they accept your order so you could have given anyone that information. Also, I find it interesting your roommate had “a lot of really hurtful things to say” but none of them are listed. Could that be perhaps because they would paint you in a bad light and not her?” Ill_Hurry7177
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Bringing a guest (even a new “friend”) into your home is completely different from giving your door code to a stranger. You have no idea who this person is and you just gave them complete, unlimited access to your home.
Would you be ok with one of your roommates giving your house key to some rando she met at a bar five minutes ago? Not. It’s not the temporary nature of someone being in your home, that happens all the time with guests, repair people, etc. It’s because by giving the actual code, this guy can come back at any time and enter your home.
It’s worse than the house key example because he can just text the code and your address to anyone. There is no neighborhood so safe that makes this behavior okay, and I expect it’s not as safe as you claim if you still lock your doors and have cameras.
Cameras are a deterrent, they’re not preventative. Locks are preventative. You just jeopardized the safety of yourself and nine other young girls in their own home. Of course YTJ.” Nelsie020
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you’re ridiculous. Love how your college town is super safe.
You know what isn’t super safe? Giving random people the code to unlock a door to a place filled with TVs, money, jewelry, car keys, computers, phones, and young students. And really? “Many” people leave their doors unlocked? Either in the super safe college town or just in this building.
How many, precisely? Please cite your source. Also please tell me you peruse the local police blotter to know how much crime and of what types have been perpetrated and only then, in your expert opinion, did you declare this college town, and this building “super safe.”” SoImaRedditUserNow
4. AITJ For Going On A Fancy Night Out With My Brother After My Partner Declined The Invitation?
“I live in NYC. I am not rich by any means, but I luckily inherited an apartment in my early 20’s, so I’m not so poor that I can’t afford to splurge for a night if I spend a few months saving for it since I don’t pay NYC levels of rent.
Which I do a few times a year, this time I had my eyes on a pretty exclusive restaurant. For example, I made the reservations for two in January. I didn’t have a partner or intend on making a date out of this when I made the reservation.
Just wanted to casually have fun and enjoy the food and drinks.
A few weeks ago, I got a text reminder about my upcoming reservation, and I invited my partner who I’ve now been seeing for 5 months. She asked where the reservation was for, I told her, and she said it was too expensive.
I told her of course it was on my dime, and she still said no, that it was too expensive, she would feel too bad if I spent that much money on her. For the third and final time, I asked her, told her I was paying and WANTED to pay for her, and she said no. I asked a few friends and they all had plans or weren’t interested, and then decided I would take my baby brother.
So the day of, we got dressed to the 9’s, we went to our reservation. Afterwards, we went to a fancy hotel and swam around in the pool, walked around the city at 3AM, just having fun. Honestly, it was one of the best nights of my life just being a big kid with adult money with my baby brother.
And I told my partner that verbatim when I got back to my apartment the next morning (she stayed the night with our shared cat). I didn’t think I did anything wrong initially, but she started bawling her eyes out REALLY heavily and telling me I had no idea how sad it was for her that I went out and had the time of my life while she was alone in my apartment.
I asked why she was feeling so sad about it and she said she thought I was planning something major and romantic, and that she was disappointed that I didn’t try harder to get her to go. I didn’t know what to do so I apologized but reminded her firmly that I invited her multiple times, and she said she really wanted to go but that she just felt bad that she couldn’t pay for herself.
I told her that sounds really immature. If I offer to do something and say I want to do it, and you say no, I don’t think it’s cool to cry to me about how much you wanted to go.
I tried to explain this to her but she just cried harder. I don’t know what to do. She has NEVER acted like this, we don’t argue at all. This is the healthiest relationship that I’ve ever seen or been in.
I mean, I love her, I am really deeply in love with this girl, and I’m wondering if I handled anything about this the wrong way or insensitively. I told her that she was 100000% invited on my next excursion and she said she would “think about it” but that this ruined the idea of her going on one with me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and…ffs. You have what I like to call a “tester” on your hands. She was testing you to see how hard you would try to get her to go. She wanted you to beg and say you wouldn’t go without her, and that you’d never enjoy going unless she went.
Then she would graciously deign to accompany you. Since you didn’t do all that and apparently had the audacity (/s) to go without her, she wants you to feel guilty. So she’s crying and carrying on. It’s another test to see how far you’ll go in your apology.
Trust me when I tell you, you don’t need this sort of drama in your life. Sit down with her and have a conversation. Tell her something like this: if she wanted to go, she should have said so when you asked. Tell her you’re sorry she’s upset.
Next time, she needs to be straightforward about what she wants, as you do not like playing guessing games. If she responds to this by crying, throwing a fit, or protests of “you should have known what I wanted!”, you’ll have your answer about her maturity level, at least. Whether you decide to tolerate that sort of behavior is up to you.
Good luck.” Mindless-Client3366
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. Her behavior is: 1) Immature. 2) Manipulative. 3) Gaslighting. You may love her BUT you also just got a look at how she’ll behave when she doesn’t get her way.
You have only known her for 5 months. The real her is beginning to show. OPEN YOUR EYES, pay close attention, then decide if you want to deal with this. You didn’t beg so she decided to ruin your night.
1) NEVER beg anyone to take them on a date. 2) NEVER feel bad for enjoying an evening out without a partner, especially if it’s with your brother. 3)NEVER let tears manipulate you when you know you’re not in the wrong.
4) TAKE THIS RELATIONSHIP SLOW, THERE IS MORE TO COME.” LouisV25
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Your only response to her when she was crying should be “I listened to your words, I respected that you said no, after I checked a couple of times” As others have said, her saying she expected you to try harder is a terrible sign for a relationship.
You’re going to worry when she says something “did I try hard enough to convince her” This won’t be the last time she does this.” previouslyonimgur
3. AITJ For Confronting A Guest Over Her White Dress At A Friend's Wedding?
“This happened a week ago. I (28F) and another girl, M, were invited to my friend’s wedding. We were good friends with the bride in college and stayed in touch afterward. The wedding was amazing. However, there was this one moment I had with another guest that kept me feeling guilty even when I was typing this.
There was a girl who sat at the bride’s family table and wore a bright white dress. I thought it was weird considering guests should not wear white or off-white colors to a wedding. M had some comments saying that it was unacceptable, rude, and inconsiderate because she’s never been to a wedding where guests wear white and then casually walk around, chat with people, and participate in activities.
I agreed with her because it was unfamiliar to me too. I suggested that we bring it up with the bride when we have a chance. However, we couldn’t get a hold of her alone for the rest of the night as she was busy going around tables and doing activities.
I don’t know if it was my instinct to protect my friend or because of my ego, but I decided to take matters into my own hands and walked up (with M after me) to the girl when she sat down at her table.
I pointed out that she was being rude for wearing white and for following the bride around while showing off her dress to all the guests. M supported me by agreeing and saying the bride must feel extremely bothered that her guest was trying to ruin her special day.
The girl seemed shocked for a bit and said sorry, she didn’t know, and the bride didn’t say anything, so she thought it was okay. I told her that the bride was kind enough to let her stay, cause if I were the bride, she would’ve been kicked out right when she walked through the door in that dress.
M said a few more things then we left. I thought my action was justified and felt kind of proud for sticking up for my friend. For the rest of the night, I sometimes looked over the girl’s table and noticed that she didn’t leave her seat until after the wedding was over, and she left with the bride.
I contacted the bride a few days after the wedding to thank her for the wedding gifts and for inviting me to her wedding. Then I brought up the girl and asked if my friend was bothered by her at all.
To my surprise, she didn’t and even felt happy that the girl did. She clarified that the girl was her niece who flew from another country to attend her wedding and that the dress she was wearing was a gift from my friend herself.
The niece even sewed in two swans to symbolize my friend and her husband loving each other eternally. That’s why she was showing off the dress to all the other guests. My friend also told me that guests not allowed to wear white to a wedding is never a thing where she came from, so people do it all the time.
I just feel so guilty and embarrassed after knowing this, because the girl looked extremely down after my confrontation.
I thought I did the right thing but now I just feel like a jerk. So…Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Even if the bride was bothered by it, you chastising the girl wouldn’t help anyone. Also asking a bride about a perceived faux pas at her wedding is borderline rude anyway. You should have owned up to your behavior and offered to apologize to her niece.
This was completely unnecessary. You should have just gossiped with your friend M and otherwise kept your opinions to yourselves.” MyTh0ughtsExactly
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If it were your own wedding I might get it, since (assuming you’re in the US) it’s often expected only the bride should be wearing white.
Personal opinions on that aside, I would still understand if you were the bride and felt upset about that. But you weren’t. The bride never expressed having any problem with it, so it was not for you to speak up on her behalf, especially since the niece didn’t do anything else that would have made it seem like she was trying to get all the attention on her.
Plus, did you consider the fact that maybe the bride just didn’t care, as she told you later on? It was her niece for god’s sake, and I can’t imagine how she felt when you confronted her like that.” RulePotential7920
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Even if the bride wasn’t OK with it, what did you hope to accomplish? Make her uncomfortable and feel bad? Was she supposed to leave? Apologize to everyone for what she was wearing? What was your end goal?
You’re 28 years old and still acting like a high school mean girl. If the bride cared about your or M’s opinion about the wedding one of you would have been a part of it besides a guest. I’m glad you feel like a jerk because you SHOULD.” Purple_Bowling_Shoes
2. AITJ For Not Asking Neighbors To Tone Down Fireworks For SIL's Dog?
“Every year my family gets together at our lake property for 4th of July. This year, my brother and his wife are driving here from out of state. They haven’t joined us for a 4th in a while. Brother and SIL don’t have kids, but SIL has a dog that she calls her baby.
Yes, she refers to herself as a dog mom.
Earlier this week, SIL sent a message to our family group chat telling us that she would prefer if no one bought fireworks for this weekend since her dog is afraid of loud noises.
I’m not disagreeing with anything regarding the dog, our dog doesn’t like fireworks either and he’s a hunting dog who has been around gun shots his entire life.
And since fireworks are expensive, we don’t usually buy anything big. We’ll usually get the small stuff that just stays on the ground for the kids to enjoy.
However, the city that the lake is on goes all out on a big fireworks display. We also have zero control over what anyone else on the lake does for fireworks. The past few years our neighbors on both sides have developed kind of a rivalry to see who can get the best fireworks.
I don’t mind because we get to enjoy the show without spending any money. And they are also respectful about not doing fireworks late at night, once it hits 1015-1030pm, they shut it down for the night.
I responded to SIL’s message with this information.
Basically, telling her that we don’t buy a lot of big fireworks, but our neighbors do, and we have zero control over that. She asked if it would be possible to talk to them about it before they arrive to see if they are willing to tone things down this year.
I told her I would not be doing that since they have always been respectful about their fireworks use.
She started to list off all the things that happens to her dog when it’s around loud noises and instead of addressing all of those things, I told her that maybe it would be best if they boarded the dog for the weekend, found someone else to take care of it, or one of them stay home.
This resulted in SIL starting a separate group chat with just her, me, and my brother. She started trying to bargain with me to get me to talk to our neighbors. Saying things like “what if it was one of your kids that hated fireworks, would you talk to them then?”
I told her that even if I talked to the neighbors, the city still does a huge show and we’re close enough to see and hear everything and there’s no way they are going to cancel a show because her dog is afraid of loud noises.
I told her that she is just going to have to find a way to keep her dog inside or drive the dog to somewhere else away from the fireworks until people are done.
SIL accused me of being a bad host and for not being considerate of them as guests.
My brother sent me a separate message telling me to talk to the neighbors just to see what they say so that I can tell SIL I at least tried. I told him I’m not doing that, but SIL is free to try when she arrives.”
Another User Comments:
“Of course NTJ. Your neighbors are respectful & you can’t ask them not to have fireworks, that’s totally unreasonable. “Maybe it would be best if they boarded the dog for the weekend, found someone else to take care of it, or one of them stay home.” That’s a sensible solution & SIL should go with it.
She can’t expect everyone to curtail their celebrations just for her dog.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You explained everything perfectly. You can’t control what other people do or light off. I have 3 dogs myself, know what I do for events that are loud such as fire works?
I get them medication that helps their anxiety/sleep. Is she expecting the dog to be outside the whole time while it’s happening? She could go to a vet today and get something for the dog and tuck the dog away into a room for the remainder of the night with some toys, treats, blankets, and maybe some gently ambient music.
She sounds like the jerk for not having a plan for her dog and for expecting people to stop everything for her dogs benefit. Does it suck to see your pets distressed? Of course it does, but there’s ways to ease it and make things better without ruining everyone’s fun” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and say that as a pet owner who worries about them and knows a lot of people with animals that are distressed. You can’t control the world and the world around your lake property goes full-out with fireworks.
You did the right thing by warning her that the event may not be suited to her dog and suggested options. Dog or child, the neighbors and definitely not the city would be unlikely to tone back. I mean they likely have children excited to see them.” Timely_Egg_6827
1. AITJ For Telling My Stepmom That I Don't See Her As My New Mom?
“I (17m) was forced to go to therapy with my dad and his wife Haley three months ago and as of our session on Thursday, I am in pretty deep trouble and want to know if I’m wrong.
Timeline:
My mom died when I was 7. This was in September 2014.
Dad and Haley met in December 2014. They started seeing each other in January 2015.
I met Haley in March 2015 at my 8th birthday party.
Haley moved in with us in May of 2015.
Dad and Haley got married in July of 2015.
Haley always wanted to be a mom. I have heard her say it a million times. She can’t have biological kids. I believe she’s actually sterile and not just infertile so like no chance.
Dad knew she wanted kids. He wanted to marry again and he wanted to have someone else take over raising me. But my dad never wanted more kids. I think Haley was a great option in his eyes. But he knew I wouldn’t be okay with a new mom, that I wouldn’t want to call someone else my mom.
So he lied to her about it and said I would want that, that she’d be my new mom but rushed the marriage so she wouldn’t realize the truth.
I don’t accept Haley as my new mom. She has tried and I know most of it is genuinely her trying to be a good “mom” but I have a mom, she’s dead, and she’s still my mom.
I told Haley this. She ignored me and continued like I said nothing. I spoke to Dad and saw that he wasn’t going to do anything. So Haley invested all her time and effort into me. Dad was not around much.
I was trying to be independent and not rely on Haley. There were times she told me she’d help me with homework but I’d do it in school or I’d finish it while she was doing chores. I started doing chores without her.
She would always try to “help” but I would do things when I’d first wake up. I started asking my friends’ parents if they could drive me to school. I did everything to minimize what she was doing for me.
Not everything was possible. She still did cooking and cleaning and took me to doctor appointments. But sometimes I would pretend not to be sick to avoid it.
I don’t know what led to therapy but I was forced to go with them three months ago and Haley was talking about her wishes to be a mom, how her and dad’s marriage wasn’t what she thought it would be, how I’m not the son she thought she was getting and how it annoys her that I’m so cold and distant with her.
Then on Thursday after some stuff was said last week about things dad said I told her dad lied, that I never wanted a new mom and he knew it. She said I shouldn’t say those things and I’m just making life unfair and more difficult.
That I’m not doing what I should. I told her dad’s lies were not my fault and she shouldn’t blame me for him saying she would be my new mom. I told her I had no part in that.
Both Dad and Haley after therapy yelled at me and called me disrespectful.
Haley told me I was ungrateful and should have been thrilled to have someone else want to mother me instead of ruining her chance at motherhood.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad sucks and is a massive liar. He used a lie about a sensitive topic to get what he wanted with no regard for how it would affect anyone else.
Haley sucks because she had unrealistic expectations about what being a stepmom would be like. She wanted to be your mom (which I’m not saying is a bad thing) but expected you to just fall in line and accept her as your new mom when you were still grieving the loss of your actual mom.
You’re not in the wrong for not seeing her as one. It’s not your fault. You can’t force those types of relationships. Also, the audacity to say her chance of motherhood was ruined is astounding. Your dad and she need to have a long, realistic talk.” rifle
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ, OP. Your stepmother’s desire for a child to call her mom is not your responsibility. You had no part in the decision for her to become your stepmother, so why would it be? She can be upset and frustrated all she wants, but she should still apologize to you for her words, then get upset with the man who lied to her, since starting a marriage in a lie is a jerk move.
Good luck with therapy, OP, and I hope the therapist is a reasonable human being who will put your guardians in their place. ” LienaSha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They are the jerks. A mother cannot be replaced like a new pair of shoes and your dad should have realized that.
Haley came into the family wanting to take over being your mom instead of starting as your friend. If she had been your friend and built a stable relationship you may consider her a second mom now but because she did not this is what she gets.
Haley needs therapy herself if she thinks you ruined her chance at motherhood. She made her choices and now has to live with them. Your dad just sounds like a jerk. I’m sorry you have to deal with this and for the loss of your mother.
You deserved better from your dad and Haley.” charmedvampgirl
haley is upset because basically she hasn’t gotten what your dad promised her and now they are both mad at you.. she needs to be mad at the jerk she’s married to
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!